#its whether i stay in my house anxious and depressed and pain or leave my house for the promise of it getting better

[caffeinatedopossum]

When I had that panic attack the other day, my girlfriend really put some things into perspective... I don't know, I think I feel bad because this is the best my life has ever been and I'm still depressed and anxious. It feels like I can't do anything for myself and the things I can do, I don't.

But she said that she would feel the same in my position. That actually, when she was the most depressed, she *was* in my position. She said she'd go crazy from not being able to do anything all the time and for some reason that helped a lot. Like, just to hear that its not wrong to feel like this and that I really am doing everything I can.

It feels so greedy and selfish to look at my life being the best it's ever been and to still ask for more but I guess it's normal.

[the-reaper-of-maidens]

Arrival

YEET, some Alcina x OC stuff, because I’m horrible with x Reader stuff. I suppose chronologically, this is the first in my Alcina x OC stories, since this is how my OC met the tall vampire lady~ It kinda ends a bit abruptly, but I wanted the smut to be its own chapter, lol. I know I have the good lady far nicer in this than she really is, but she’s kinda mentally flipped upside down with this nutty OC~ I hope I did the tall vampire lady justice with this, regardless!

TW: mentions of self harm, homophobia implied

The diminutive woman arrived at the castle grounds. Her brown eyes were weary and showed her depression. Her brunette hair was long, flowing freely in the cold breeze, and her jeans were doing a poor job keeping her legs from freezing. She had some nose and ear piercings, so they were especially cold. She shivered and pulled her bomber jacket tighter as she went in, adjusting her duffle bag. She was a bit of a horror blogger, though she ironically was scared easily. Recently, she ended her blog, figuring it was best to end while she was at her peak, so she didn’t tell anyone about her trip to this haunting castle that was reported to be sites of vicious attacks.

Really, the blogger was hoping for one more fright before moving on from her fame, or maybe she wanted to end her suffering, so she hoped to see a monster. Though she was well-liked online, her personal life was… awful, to put it lightly. The blogger certainly felt unsettled, taking a look at the foyer. She thought it was weird that the doors were totally unlocked, though she figured it was different cultural norms, since she was American.

And then… she saw one of them. The blogger started sweating as the witch stepped towards her, she didn’t think anyone still lived here. The tiny woman stepped back, trying not to wig out as the witch continued her creeping. She whipped her head around when she heard another door open, and that was when she started running, dropping her bag.

She didn’t know where she was going, she just wanted to get away from them while trying to explore what the castle had to offer, despite her better judgement. Maybe she should have just turned tail when she saw the witch…

“Well, well… what an interesting visitor we have here,” a low, but darkly alluring voice called out, its owner crouching through a doorway.

The blogger froze like a deer in headlights as she saw what seemed to be an enormous woman towering over her. This woman must have been twice her height. Great, she thought, I have that creepy woman after my tail and now there’s this… hulking piece of… hotness. The blogger blushed a bit, this woman was just stunning, and she couldn’t help but get the hots for her despite being pretty terrified right about now. “S...sorry,” she finally managed to croak out. “I just got curious is all. I’ll just grab my stuff and leave now if you want.”

“How adorable, thinking you can just break in and enter someone’s house willy-nilly,” Lady Alcina Dimitrescu giggled charmingly and sinisterly as she eyed the petite woman, baring her claws. Of course, she felt it was a bit unfair for this especially tiny woman to go down easily; she usually liked giving her prey a fighting chance, it made the hunt all the more exciting. “I’ll give you a chance to run. If you make it out the door before my daughters or I can catch you, you’re free to go~”

Instead of running, though… the blogger just screamed and went down on her knees, cowering in fear. Her stomach was in knots, and she almost felt her breakfast wanting to come back up as she prepared herself for the worst.

The mutant tilted her head in curiosity and retracted her claws. Normally, most people took the chance to run off, but this one thought giving up and staying was a good idea. Alcina was suddenly interested in this strange human. “Hmm… you know what, I’ll call off my daughters. You pique my interest, how about we chat over lunch?”

The blogger was still shaking, though she mustered up the courage to open up her eyes. Though still anxious, she did relax a bit when she realized she was still unharmed. “I… yeah, sure. Lunch sounds good,” she stood up on shaky legs, unzipping her bomber jacket a bit. The adrenaline really heated up her body. Her stomach still felt a bit nauseous, though, so the thought of food didn’t sound appealing to the blogger at the moment.

“Trust me, I’ll make sure my daughters won’t bite. How about you go make yourself… comfortable in the meantime?”

Naturally, the blogger was still on high alert for the next few hours. She looked at her phone, tempted to make a blog post about all that happened, but she decided against it. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be back in the limelight again… if she wanted to be criticized by her family again. She didn’t have any friends, really, so it wasn’t like she had anyone that would worry about her. She sighed, and Alcina caught the pained look on the blogger’s face.

“So… what brought you to my humble abode?”

“Oh! Sorry! Sorry…” the blogger fretted a bit. “Like I said, I got curious. I also used to run a blog about all sorts of scary monsters and stuff.” Of course, this was all lost on the vampire lady, so the blogger explained more. “A blog is kinda like a digital journal entry, you see. You write it up on your computer and post it up and everyone gets to see what you wrote. Kinda like a bulletin board, but it’s on the Internet.”

“And you… used to?”

“I… yeah. I just wanted to scare people about the things I write about, I didn’t want to be famous. But it happened, and I felt like I had to go along with the ride. Eventually, my folks found out. They’re… not the most supportive,” the blogger divulged. “So ending the blog was a little bit of panic and mostly my choice, because I knew I can’t handle juggling family issues and the blog.”

The mutant woman tsked a bit, feeling an odd sense of pity for the blogger. “How shameful of your family. Do they not have their own business to tend to?”

“Like hell that I care. I cut them off after I stopped blogging. I’ve got enough money to travel around as I please, so… if I’m stuck where I’m misunderstood and demonized, I can just fly off,” and the blogger had anger flash in her eyes for a second, which surprised the mutant vampire. “Imagine being in hillbilly hell, where everyone is a churchgoing fanatic, and you don’t fit what they want you to be. I don’t have friends. My family hates me because of who I love… the guys laugh, and the women? Well, they’re grossed out because I’m a woman and I’m... I’m not supposed to love women.”

“Ah, so you escaped when you finally had the chance,” Alcina wasn’t stupid, piecing together that the smaller woman was waiting for the funds to get out. It was admittedly rather admirable to the vampire, knowing that someone freed themselves of their shackles.

“It took a few years… but you can bet I hauled ass the second I reached my goal. Still, though… I wake up every day, and I’m dragged down by my self-hate. Like my demons follow me wherever I go, and it’d be nice if I can escape for real.”

Alcina shifted a bit, and she grinned mysteriously. “I know a way, if you’re willing to stay for the night,” she offered, hoping the blogger would accept. Perhaps this woman could give her her fix, since it had been a long while since Alcina had any fun in her private quarters. Though she had her witches, she really did see the three as her daughters… she just couldn’t see herself doing such an act with any of them.

The blogger blushed a bright red, trying to decipher what this extremely tall vampire lady meant by that. “...Are you asking me to sleep with you?” she sniped in. She wouldn’t mind it, per se, but she was certainly surprised at the proposal.

“I can tell in your body language, you’re in love with me~ Luckily for you, I don’t care what’s in someone’s pants or how they identify as when I put them to bed. All they need to do… is be a good plaything for me,” Alcina giggled seductively, tossing away any subtlety she might have had.

“I… hold on, just a sec,” the blogger ran off to the nearest bathroom to compose herself. She felt herself flush with heat as she took off her jacket. “Don’t… do anything stupid,” she told herself in the mirror as she washed her face with ice cold water. She was wracked with nerves, but she just couldn’t pass this up. Well, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like anyone back home cared about me, she thought to herself. The blogger took a deep breath to compose herself as she zipped her jacket back up and she went back out, her emotions put into check for now. “Sure, I’d like to stay for the night,” the blogger grinned awkwardly when she returned, fidgeting a bit.

“Trust me, you have nothing to fear,” Alcina purred, putting a hand on the blogger’s cheek. Of course, decades of experience meant she knew how to not crush the poor thing during their fun. This woman must have been half her size, if the height difference was anything to go by. “When you’re as tall as I am, you simply have no choice but to... adapt.”

“Hehe, lucky me. I’ve never… did any of that, obviously,” the blogger admitted, blushing as she shifted her weight between her feet.

“Oh? So you’re saying that you’re a maiden?” Alcina was definitely hooked now, leaning forward a bit. Having a new fling was always nice, but having a potentially new source to make another batch of Sanguis Virginis was always even better.

“What? You’re not gonna like, sacrifice me to some demon or something, are you? Or gut me with those huge claws… right?”

“Oh, no, not at all. It just has a rather poetic ring to it is all,” Alcina hummed casually, debating whether to get the blogger’s blood or enjoy the night with her. Then again, there was no hiding from the tiny woman that she was a mutant vampire, so she had to come clean. “Though,” she leaned back in her chair, “I’m admittedly not sure whether to ravish you or turn you into my wine. We need maiden’s blood for the wine, you see, since it’s just so... delectable.” Normally, the countess would have no issue deciding to turn someone into wine, but given the events from earlier that day... the blogger could make for a good plaything instead.

The blogger swallowed nervously. She had a feeling that whatever she would say, Alcina would manage to have her way. “...How much blood? Are you gonna… turn me? If not, can you not… like, kill me? I need my blood to live.” So many questions raced in her head, she was almost regretting accepting the offer. Almost.

“Charming. Don’t you worry, I won’t drain you of all your blood, should you end up being my pet instead~”

The blogger spent most of the day just relaxing in her room after lunch, thinking about her future. The money won’t last forever, after all, so she needed to start planning. So far, her hostess seemed amiable enough, despite the initial scare. “Ugh, think, think, think! What can I do for Lady Dimitrescu to make her enjoy my stay if I have to come back?” Or, perhaps, she could forgo her travels, instead staying at Castle Dimitrescu for the rest of her life in service to Alcina. She felt a cold in the air, the hairs on her neck standing on ends. She slowly turned and her eyes met with Daniela’s, who she learned earlier was one of Alcina’s daughters.

“Mother says dinner is almost ready, plaything~” the witch giggled, a strident laugh that made the blogger feel a pit in her stomach.

“I… thanks,” the blogger gulped in fear, following the witch for what seemed like forever. She still wasn’t sure what to think about Daniela, truth be told. She eyed the mutant vampire, and realized the mutant was still inhumanly tall, though not as tall as Alcina. She gulped nervously, wondering if she’d be tossed to the witch if Alcina decided she wasn’t good enough.

“Ah, our little guest. Thank you for fetching her, Daniela,” Alcina nodded, a smirk revealing her fangs a bit as she waved Daniela off to take a seat. The blogger looked around, watching the maids hustle and bustle, setting food out to the table. She saw two other women similarly dressed as Daniela sitting at the table, and she assumed they were sisters. That still didn’t make her less uneasy.

The blogger’s mouth watered a bit, smelling the food. If lunch was anything to go by, dinner would be spectacular. “Thanks for letting me stay for the night, Lady Dimitrescu. Tonight’s pretty cold, or so it seems,” she took a seat.

“Oh, it’s not an issue at all, and please… you may call me Alcina,” the vampire mutant purred, trying to get a bit more emotionally close to the blogger. She rarely had any romantic emotions, she usually felt they were in the way of the real action, but… she didn’t mind it when she did have romance flare up in her heart, if someone truly was interesting to her. She frowned a bit when the blogger didn’t take her bomber jacket off, even as she started eating. “Oh, come now, how long have you worn that jacket today? Surely, you must be sweating buckets in there!”

The blogger blushed a bit, mid-bite into her chiftea. “Oh, um… you don’t need to worry… Alcina. I’m not hot at all, trust me,” she tried to dodge, knowing the lady wanted her to stop roasting.

“Well, if you get it all over your coat, you’re going to have to wash it anyways. I’m amazed you didn’t do that at lunch earlier.”

The blogger just cast her eyes downward at her food, fidgeting a bit. She knew she was locked in; one wrong choice, and she would be dead, and she’d rather be alive and uncomfortable than dead. “You’re right,” and she took off her jacket, revealing scars and tattoos on her arm peeking out from the rolled sleeves. She shivered in the brisk breeze, but kept eating.

Alcina leaned back a bit, realizing why her guest refused to shed her coat. “Who did that to you? The scars, that is.”

“...I did,” the blogger clenched a fork, her eyes still downcast. “...Most of it, anyways,” she finally looked up and made eye contact with Alcina. “Some of it was from my dad.”

“...My apologies,” Alcina truly meant it. “I had no idea.”

“It’s fine, the scars are all in the past now,” the blogger took a sip of what seemed to be wine, perhaps a merlot or a cabernet. She coughed, she hated alcohol… “Sorry… I get that wine is good for dinner, but… I prefer tea,” she admitted. “Dad was an alcoholic, so… stuff like that makes me uncomfortable. I think maybe an Earl Grey tea with some cream and sugar would be nice?”

Alcina nodded and called for a servant. “Prepare a tea kettle for our guest here. Earl Grey with cream and sugar,” the vampire lady commanded. “My dear guest… I really am sorry for making you uncomfortable. I’ll take note of that next time you come here.”

“Um… actually, about that… I’ve been thinking, Alcina. The money I’ve got won’t last forever, so I was thinking of just staying here… working for you,” the brunette woman rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

Each and every hour, the blogger became more and more interesting to Alcina. It was rare for girls to come and willingly work here, unless they had some sort of death wish. “I see. Well, in that case, I will spare you, my dear... if you can tell me what you can bring to the table.”

“I can make music, and I can do art. Think of all the beautiful paintings I’d make of you~” the blogger cracked a grin. “But more importantly… I can help you bring maidens into the castle for your wine.”

“Oh?” That definitely rules out making her into wine now, Alcina thought, though she decided hours ago she likely wouldn’t do such a thing to her little pet.

“If you can turn me into one like yourself and your daughters, I will. I promise. I’ve… when I was twelve, I wanted to become a vampire so badly,” she admitted, snorting a bit. “But... really, Alcina. The maidens I’d hunt for you would be my rent payment, so to speak.”

Alcina seemed to consider it, sipping her wine, and smiling in amusement at that confession. The blogger seemed multi talented, at least, so it would be nice to have some entertainment if she wanted, though it was new that someone wanted to be turned, and she was tempted, though she’d have to talk to a certain Mother Miranda. “You’ll get your chance, my dear. Patience is the key here,” she reached over and gently grasped her guest’s hand. “Perhaps not now, but you can say goodbye to your past… to the pain… soon.”

Dinner was accompanied by lots of talk, mostly of the blogger telling Alcina all about herself. Soon enough, dinner was done, and Alcina invited the blogger to her bedroom. “A deal is a deal~ I promised you that I’d help you escape your self-loathing, and I will,” she offered a gargantuan hand to the blogger.

[chiserendipity]

Why 2020 has Changed Me Forever - and Why I'm Grateful for That

*Warning, this deals with emotional and physical abuse, trauma and just is really long. Please do not reblog or repost this post.*

I'm just gonna say it. 2020 as a year has been terrible on a global scale with the pandemic, and the oppression of many people across the world. However, 2020 has allowed us to both reflect personally and on the world around us and demand change. I think that makes 2020 a great year for growth and shouldn't be merely dismissed because we couldn't go to concerts, have large parties, or the hot girl summer we hoped for. Real change is happening before our eyes, a movement for equal rights and to end the the endless cycle of oppression and suffering for not only the black community, but minority groups whether that be race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, religion, those with mental or physical disability, the poor, and so many more. Yes the world is seemingly in shambles. But guess what? We have nothing but time to try and fix it now. To demand better. Both for our communities and ourselves.

Personally, I feel 2020 really pushed pause on my life and asked me "what are doing?" "why are you doing this to yourself?" and "what do you want from life?" I began looking at what I had become and I was disgusted with myself and how I decided to try and cope with past trauma. Before corona, I found myself in a very dark place mentally with seemingly no way out. I would have panic attacks repeatedly and just cry myself to sleep many nights (despite not getting very much). My endometriosis was continually getting worse with every flare up (probably from all my stress). I had no direction and very little motivation to continue.

Then, the virus hit. Once I was sent home and online classes began, I had time to stop and catch my breath. To look around at my life and really ask what I was doing wrong. As young people we tend to give ourselves a pass for poor behavior and bad decisions, or even encourage it. I realized I was falling victim to my own anger, bitterness, anxiety, and depression that had haunted me for years and it was finally rearing its ugly head. I had been suffering from depression and anxiety for years but that spring semester while still on campus was different. My moods began to swing from a hyperactive anxious state to a haunting and chilling depression that made me want to stay in my room and hide. I didn't really get much sleep in either state. But, now back home all alone and with nowhere to go. No class to dive head first into. No parties to dance the night away. No kickbacks to chill at. Just me and my monstrous thoughts. At first my overwhelming thoughts were suffocating. I would question "what is wrong with me? Why can't I get my moods under control? Why must every facet of my being so overwhelmingly broken?" Then as classes began to finish, and with the help of antidepressants, I finally started to feel a shift. I started unpacking my compartmentalized trauma I had shoved away for years in a desperate attempt to leave it the past. People always say the past is the past, but the past will never not be apart of your journey. Without properly dealing with the past, it'll always show up again in your present reeking havoc in your day to day life.

With meditation, therapy, medication, and a lot of self reflection through videos about helping your inner child, I realized I didn't know me. My life had always in some way shape or form been controlled by others. I was assigned the role "golden child" by a narcissistic father who demanded I perform that role perfectly. Even as a child, I was taught to ignore my pain and sadness and push through, because my feelings didn't matter. I was fed, lived in a nice house and had nice clothes and whatever I asked for. That was enough to prove my father’s love for me; in his eyes. I lived merely to please. As I aged this mentality seeped into my romantic life as well. My feelings always came last so I began to simply just turn them off until I became an emotionless shell. Acting as a robot, I went to school and grinded myself to the bone in all my AP and IB classes. Joined all the community based clubs and took leadership roles. At 16 I even got started working 20+ hour weeks. Meanwhile, I had to surgeries courtesy of endometriosis. The first was a emergency surgery due to a ruptured ovarian cyst and the second to dislodge my right ovary from my abdominal wall since the endometrial lining cemented the two together. 

I remember complaining about cramps and my father punched me saying, "Toughen up”. My father said things like that all the time and didn't want to discuss my chronic illness or mental health. When I was 16 I admitted to having suicidal thoughts and a previous attempt a few years back and he responded that was "white girl bullshit". Another time,my father cussed me out in a pizza shop for wanting a margarita pizza calling me a stupid bitch in front of everyone in the restaurant. He constantly mocked my choice for my major and university, saying that majoring in marine science was idiotic and I'd do better in political science and studying at Vanderbilt. Pain wasn't allowed. Feelings wasn't allowed. Choice wasn't allowed. Only thing that was allowed was to do the work expected. To be "perfect".

Finally I was beginning to understand that after being told my entire life that I was nothing more than robot with marching orders, the lack of orders now that I had cut my father out of my life was causing me to feel that I had no purpose at all. I had never known freedom, and it was was now suffocating me. Now knowing this, I was able to start retraining by brain and discover who I wanted to be. My feelings were valid. I wasn't just my report card or my ACT score or my medals and academic awards. My body while it doesn't function like it should, it is still worthy of love and respect. I wasn't insane for my moods fluctuating and I just needed help to get where I needed mentally to function. And that's okay. I had to start being me and living for me, not for the approval of others. Savannah the person, not the robot, matters. I matter.

This was when I had a spiritual awakening of my soul and ego, truly deep diving on how to heal from my past. I spent hours watching videos and discovering how to dismantle the false self I had created to appease those around me and stop acting as a emotional crutch for others whilst ignoring my own emotions. I began to recognize the trauma bonds I formed with exes and current friends. I choose to associate with those who encouraged these negative social responses and bad coping mechanisms. I was merely re-entering patterns that begun in my childhood.

From our earliest years, the ego is formed. Our deepest need is to gain love + approval from our parents + caregivers. The ego, in an attempt to protect creates a concept of self identity in alignment with what we believe will give us this love.We begin to say "I am smart" or "I am strong" or "I am bad at x." We internalize the beliefs of our parents about who we are + who other people are + how the world is. All of this ego identity unconscious. Because we are not taught about our egos, we are unaware they exist. So we operate as if we ARE the ego. This brings us a ton of our own suffering + shame. It makes us feel "stuck" + unable to escape our learned patterns. That's what ego does: keeps us repeating the past. Ego work is the process of questioning the ego stories that are just thoughts + not "reality." Becoming conscious to this allows us to access CHOICE in how we respond.

- @the.holistic.psychologist

Now aware of my ego and really getting to the heart of why I'm bad at sharing my feelings and why in past relationships I was described as "distant" and "inattentive" but also “good listener but won’t open up”.  Today, I can honestly say I'm no longer in that dark place I was before. I'm beginning to relearn the things I loved and truly appreciate them. I'm being the true goofy, silly, marine scientist I always wanted to be. I have friends who do care about me and I've tried to open up more emotionally. Of course I have a long way to go and constant improvement is necessary. 2020 allowed me to return to myself, not the burnt out, bitter and depressed woman I had become. I'm happy 2020 happened and for the first time in years, I'm excited for what the future brings.

[ontarioyoga]

How Can I Practice Mindfulness Besides Meditation

New Post has been published on https://www.ontarioyoga.net/how-can-i-practice-mindfulness-besides-meditation/

How Can I Practice Mindfulness Besides Meditation

Dont Be Too Hard On Yourself When Your Mind Wanders Off During Practice Gently Bring Your Attention Back To The Present

Everyone’s mind is going to wander now and then while they are practicing mindfulness meditation. It is ok to recognize your passing thought and let it go. Once it is gone, take some deep breaths and reset your focus to be in your mindfulness practice.

This is just one mindfulness blueprint. As I said before, there are countless ways to practice mindfulness. For instance, you can add a bit of meditation, which we’ll cover next.

The Lives Of Lawyers: More Than Meditation: How Even The Most Type A Lawyers Can Practice Mindfulness

For the past several years, the wellness industry has inundated me with the word “mindfulness”—something “good” that I “should” practice. But for many lawyers, the idea of turning off from the outside world and being entirely focused on one thing seems like a pipe dream. They balk at the suggestion, claiming to be “too Type A.” But, even the most ambitious overachievers can successfully practice mindfulness.

More Than Meditation: A Survey Of How Young Lawyers Practice Mindfulness

The realization that meditation is not necessarily about quieting your mind helped me understand how to bring mindfulness into other aspects of my life. Before this realization, yoga was the only time I felt mentally present. Ordinarily, my mind was filled with anxious thoughts about the future, how much I had to get done that day, items on my grocery list, that “thing” I forgot to do, etc. But during yoga, if I lost my presence, I fell down. So I stayed present use to strengthen their “mindfulness muscle.”

I spoke to several young lawyers in positions ranging from big law firm associates to in-house counsel to lawyers at small firms about how they practice mindfulness and bring presence into their daily lives. To most, mindfulness meant the act of staying present, which, in turn, helps you stay focused. Below are some of the insights I obtained from these lawyers:

Find activities where you can be physically present. Two of the lawyers who graciously answered my questions both treat themselves to massages, take baths, and prioritizing exercise. All three of these activities involve tuning into your body, unintentionally focusing on the one thing that is happening, in a similar way that you focus on your breath during a meditation.

Experience It And Also Find The Moment That Suits You Ideal To Meditate

Regularity is the crucial to really feeling all the virtues of mindfulness reflection. After finding and appreciating this technique, the idea is to incorporate it into your every day life. Still, without taxing yourself, it should come normally, little by little, beginning with sessions 2 to 3 times a week, as well as why not daily if you feel the requirement or wish.

For this method to take its area quite normally in your daily life, it is vital to locate the best moment, the ideal scenario, that makes us really feel good.

The question of the minute is crucial: is it early in the early morning, when you wake up? Or in the morning, hanging on to one more habit to make them stronger with each other . In the morning, the mind is more made up; there are less points to observe.

Would this moment for you be much more integrated right into your lunch break due to the fact that it’s quieter?

Or are you even more of those who like to practice meditation in the evening? Beware, the threat is going to sleep, which is not the objective. If meditating puts you to sleep, prepare a session a little earlier in the night since it is required to prevent battling versus rest while exercising. It will be excellent prep work for the dropping off to sleep phase!

To discover the moment that fits you best, test, experience mindfulness meditation at different times of the day, and also see what jobs best for you. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness Enhances The Ability To Deal With And Recover From Illness

When you think of mindfulness or meditation, you probably think of a quiet, private time of peace. On the other hand, when you think of hospitals or doctors’ offices, you probably think about the anxiety, pain, and chaos going on around you. So, how can mindfulness have a place in health care?

The eCALM trial is a therapy program for cancer patients. It found that mindfulness can reduce the physical symptoms of stress, decrease one’s emotional reactivity to negative experiences, and facilitate post-traumatic growth while enhancing energy and relieving fatigue.

Additionally, found that mindfulness meditation has also been found to decrease anxiety and foster post-traumatic mental and emotional growth in breast cancer survivors, as well as increasing energy and spirituality.

Mindfulness Helps Lower The Incidence Of Burnout And Turnover At Work

Early reports of job burnout came to light in the 1970s and were mostly focused on people who were working in health care or human services. While there is a growing body of research on job burnout, there is no widely agreed-upon definition. However, job burnout is essentially one’s inability to properly respond to chronic occupational stress, with the experience of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a low rate of personal achievement.

Job burnout can manifest as depression, aggression, decreased commitment, decreased cognitive performance, and decreased motivation. This phenomenon has been associated with an increased risk of physical and mental health problems such as increased blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety, and depression.

found that there is an inverse relationship between mindfulness and job turnover intention, suggesting that employees who are trained in mindfulness are less likely to leave their jobs for any reason.

So those are the 20 benefits of mindfulness. Did any stand out as positives that you want to experience?

Now let’s move on to the history of mindfulness, and then we’ll dive into how to practice mindfulness throughout the day.

Tips For Increasing Focus And Awareness And Decreasing Stress At Work

You probably know the feeling all too well: You arrive at the office with a clear plan for the day and then, in what feels like just a moment, you find yourself on your way back home. Nine or ten hours have passed but you’ve accomplished only a few of your priorities. And, most likely, you can’t even remember exactly what you did all day. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. You’re not alone. shows that people spend almost 47 percent of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing. In other words, many of us operate on autopilot.

Add to this that we have entered what many people are calling the “attention economy.” In the attention economy, the ability to maintain focus and concentration is every bit as important as technical or management skills. And because leaders need to absorb and synthesize a growing flood of information in order to make good decisions, they’re hit particularly hard by this emerging trend.

The good news is you can train your brain to focus better by incorporating mindfulness exercises throughout your day. Based on our experience with thousands of leaders in over 250 organizations, here are some guidelines for becoming a more focused and mindful leader.

From the GGSC to your bookshelf: 30 science-backed tools for well-being.

Listen to a guided breathing exercise:

This article was originally published on Harvard Business Review. Read the original article.

There Are Plenty Of Ways To Practice Mindfulness Here Are 13 Of Them

Mindfulness can be tricky at first. Our minds are used to wandering, and we will often be tempted to fix on a thought or a feeling, judge it as good or bad, or work hard to analyse or change it. Sometimes this will be useful, but we also need to be able to sit with our experience and be fully in the moment, without being dragged away by thoughts or feelings that might do damage if they hold on for too long. The truth is, the only place we can fully be is here and now. Of course, it is important to plan for the future or reflect on the past, but it’s about balance.

If you haven’t practised mindfulness before, try to replace any judgement you might have about whether or not you’re doing it properly, with acknowledgement that you are doing the very best you can in the moment. What’s important is that you are doing it. The rest will come with practice. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it will become to stay present and focus your attention on where you want it, rather than on wherever your mind might take you.

Remember also that mindfulness is dose-related. The more you do it, the more you will benefit from it. The most important thing is to start, and to work towards a regular practice of at least twenty minutes each day. If twenty minutes is difficult to find, and sometimes it can be, try for two ten minute sessions. Here are some different ways to practice mindfulness:

Mindful eating.

Mindfulness Slows Down The Progression Of Neurodegenerative Diseases

Researchers have found that positive brain changes that are associated with mindfulness meditation may work to slow the progression of age-related cognitive disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Patients suffering from Alzheimer’s who participated in the study showed a lower rate of cognitive decline after the eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction program than a control group who did not participate in the program.

Dont Think About The Past Dont Plan The Future Dont Look At The Time

You know you can’t change the past. So why can’t you let it go? Stop thinking about things that have already happened. Additionally, the future is not here yet, so there is no need to focus too intently on that either. The future will come to you soon enough. Focus instead on the present moment without worrying about what time it is, or when you have to be somewhere next. Don’t worry about how much time you allow to pass before getting up.

Fun Mindfulness Interventions Techniques And Worksheets For Adults

There are several ways to engage in mindfulness on an individual level, including worksheets, techniques, and different exercises.

If the idea of participating in group mindfulness exercises is anxiety-provoking or stressful for yourself or your clients, then diving into mindfulness practice alone can be the best way to proceed.

Here are six exercises that can help to build mindfulness in different ways.

How Can I Practice Mindfulness Meditation With Sound Not Breathing

I want to start practising meditation, but breathing exercises extremely psyche me out. I find any activity that involves intensely focusing on a part of my body distressing, sometimes nauseating. So the traditional “focus on your breath” mindfulness meditations aren’t really ideal for me.

I like the idea of meditating listening to sound, for example the sound of rain or waves on my phone. But I’m completely new to meditation and am not sure how best to implement this practice. Should I wear over ear headphones, or is it best to have the music ambient and not directly my ear? Should I be sitting up or lying in bed? Should it be light, dark or semi-dark? Eyes open or closed etc.?

The basic question I’m asking is: what are the best practices and practicalities for mindfulness meditation using sound?

Five Simple Mindfulness Practices For People Who Hate To Meditate

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The science is clear: practicing mindfulness is good for you. Just as you can exercise the body for better performance, the mind too can be trained, honed and sharpened. Mindfulness has been shown to break negative thought patterns, reduce stress and anxiety, and sharpens focus.

Perhaps knowing all of these benefits, you tried meditation. Yet, for whatever the reason, the practice of meditation—sitting still, quietly, focusing on a single object, just isn’t working for you. Maybe you even judge yourself for your inability to meditate.

If you are struggling with making meditation part of your daily practice, or it just isn’t your cup of tea, there are many other mindfulness practices you can still incorporate into your day.

When to practice mindfulness

Just to be clear, every moment of your life presents an opportunity to be mindful. You do not need to sit on a meditation cushion or visit a meditation center or an ashram to practice mindfulness. That’s the beautify of mindfulness—your entire life is a laboratory where you can experiment.

However,  that you  be mindful 24/7 is very different than actually  mindful throughout the day. For this reason, I’ve found it useful to have some cues that will remind me to return to center, to intentionally bring a bit of mindfulness to what I am doing and to pay attention to what is actually happening in the moment, rather than be trapped by the internal chatter.

Adding mindfulness cues into your day

Mindfulness Techniques For Depression Anger Addiction And Anxiety

Mindfulness has been a crux of therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder, and it also has applications for people without a diagnosis of mental illness.

People anywhere on the mental health spectrum can benefit from mindfulness techniques. It helps regulate emotions and can be a helpful resource for management and .

How Long And How Often Should You Practice Mindfulness Meditation

You can practice mindfulness meditation for as long or as often as you like. However, 15 minutes a day, a few times per week, is a good start for a beginner. Then you can work your way up to an hour each time, which is when you can reap the most benefits, says Britt Gustafson, a mindful life coach who teaches mindfulness meditation through .

You can practice mindfulness meditation at any point in the day, but it might be helpful to do it at the same time each day to build a routine. For example, Gustafson says she likes to practice every morning before she gets out of bed. 

“You’re kind of checking in with yourself and getting yourself aligned. I feel personally that that sets the tone of your day,” Gustafson says. 

Some people like to meditate in the evening, in the transition between work and home, Dingle says. You can also reach for mindfulness meditation when you need it, such as before an important event, or when something goes wrong and you want to ground yourself, she says. 

Okay Talk Me Through The Basics What Does Meditating Look Like

Good news: People often imagine there are a lot of rules around how to meditate properly, but meditation is meant to be flexible and personalized. “A lot of people think you have to sit in a certain way, like cross-legged on the floor, which is absolutely not true,” says Winston. “You can sit in a chair. You can sit on the couch. You can lie down. However you’re comfortable.” Winston notes that people also think they have to do it for a certain amount of time—often a time—but that’s another misconception. A few minutes is fine.

To give you an idea of what mindfulness meditation looks like in practice, consider this basic example: “A very simple way to meditate is to sit down in a comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed and bring your attention to your body,” says Winston. “See if you can notice your body . Maybe you feel your breath moving in your abdomen. Maybe you notice your chest moving up and down. Some people notice the air moving through their nose. Then, just pick a spot to focus your gaze on and then stay with it, feeling the breath rising and falling in and out. When you notice your mind wandering away, return your attention back to your breathing and the spot that you’re noticing. Then just do that again and again. If you just did that for five minutes a day, you’d be golden.” It may sound too easy, but that might be all you need to incorporate a fulfilling meditation routine into your life.

Pay Attention To Your Thoughts Words Actions And Motivations

When you are thinking, saying, or doing something, what is the reason behind it? Are you telling someone a story to benefit them in some way, or is it just benefiting you or your ego? Think about the motivations behind everything you do before you do it to see if it is really necessary. Make sure that you are always coming from a good place when you choose to speak or act in any way.

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Back To School Is A Great Time Begin A Mindfulness Practice

Any time of year is a great time to start practicing mindfulness yourself or with your kids. But as back to school time is quickly approaching, it’s a great time to start a mindfulness practice. This is the time of year we are getting ready to re-establish routines and schedules after the summer break. Adding a few minutes to your morning routine to practice mindfulness is a great way to add some calm and intention to your day and your kids’ days too!

Here are Kailey and Josianne with a simple guide to practicing mindfulness with your kids. Be sure to check out part one of their series , to learn about starting your own mindfulness practice too!

Mindfulness Meditation Guide: How To Start A Daily Practice

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Almost everyone in the yoga world now accepts mindfulness meditation– present moment awareness with non-attachment – as something they should add to their practice. Scientifically studied benefits of mindfulness meditation include stress reduction, reduction of depression and anxiety, increased brain function, an immune system boost, and much more. 

The Italians say “If you can’t live longer, live deeper.”

 Yet the real reason to practice meditation is to discover your highest, truest self. You know – the part of you that lies underneath the confusion and endless thoughts . . . your pure limitless potential. 

How To Do A Formal Mindfulness Practice With Your Children

Mindful meditation is simple, but not always easy. A great way to start is with a breath awareness practice. The first couple times you practice with your kids, be sure to choose a time where they are already pretty calm. They will be more receptive and will have a better first impression. Forcing them to sit still when they have lots of energy will make them feel like mindfulness is a punishment rather than a useful tool for relaxation.

Here’s how to meditate with your kids:

Embrace A Comfy Posture To Practice Mindfulness Meditation

To learn just how to meditate, it is a good idea to begin resting: you can either remain on the front of a chair, without leaning against the back-rest or rest on a padding constructed from a fit .

The appropriate placement to embrace:

Keep your back fairly straight yet not tense .Close your eyes, or leave them half-open if you prefer.Imagine that you have a wire over your head, which aligns you up.

How Do I Quiet My Thoughts And Keep My Mind From Wandering

nd here we have the most common misconception about meditation. Despite popular belief, the goal of meditation isn’t a completely blank mind. “Meditation isn’t turning off thoughts but rather learning to meet them with awareness and curiosity,” says Mattingly. The same goes for our wandering minds; you don’t have to keep absolute focus, either. In both cases, the key is .

“When our attention wanders away or other thoughts are coming up, we notice what’s happening and then bring our attention back to whatever it is we’re focusing on in our mindfulness meditation, such as our breath,” says Winston. “And then we do that over and over. What we learn to realize is that that’s not a problem. That’s part of the process.”

That doesn’t mean it’s easy, of course. Paying attention to our thoughts and emotions can set off anxiety, judgment, and other things that feel like they interfere with mindfulness. But with practice, you can learn not to get pulled down into that spiral and instead incorporate these moments into your meditation. “ allows us to take a step back and become the observer,” says Mattingly. “When we invite in curiosity, we’re able to notice the changing nature of all emotions and realize that these emotions rise and fall in everyone.”

Mindfulness Improves Memory Concentration And Performance

Paying attention and concentrating on the task at hand may be one of the most important cognitive abilities people have. Mindfulness is one of a very few methods that works as an antidote for mind-wandering and the negative effects that losing concentration may have on you. In fact, research on students has shown that there is a connection between mindfulness and paying attention both in and out of the classroom.

Studies have shown that meditating on a regular basis causes the brain’s cerebral cortex to thicken.

Mindfulness Meditation Reduces Implicit Age And Race Bias

has suggested that mindfulness can positively change the negative thoughts or associations that people once had. The impact of mindfulness has been studied in regards to several biases through measurements of implicit association tests. These tests found that people who listened to mindfulness meditation had an increased state of mindfulness and a decrease in their implicit biases.

Does Meditation Make You Anxious Or Mad Here’s A Science

Posted April 19, 2016

Find a mindfulness-based therapist

We keep seeing more studies demonstrating how mindfulness meditation can change the brain, make us feel better, and generally improve our lives. That’s great. But what if it doesn’t work for you? Maybe the practices that were supposed to take you to a calm place made you feel or irritable.

Your skin crawls, you have ants in your pants, and you swing between anxiety attacks and . Not exactly Zen.

Maybe your reaction was to start focusing on your to-do list and worrying that instead of getting things done, you were just sitting there doing nothing. You ended up getting frustrated, quitting, and buying another latte instead.

Your meditator friends either look like they could smile through a sandstorm or are so neurotically self-aware that they drive you nuts with their “mindful” attitudes and “conscious” relating. Meanwhile, you’re so you can’t sit and watch your thoughts. Or label them. Or “hold them with nonjudgmental awareness.”

The good news is that you don’t have to do mindfulness meditation. There are other ways to reach inner peace.

There has been so much on mindfulness and meditation that we’ve started to equate the two.

One reason scientists are so interested in mindfulness meditation is that it is a cognitive exercise. Scientists like cognitive exercises.

Here’s what I mean: you have to observe your thoughts . Mindfulness meditation is the most scientific practice ever.

How To Practice Mindfulness: 11 Practical Steps And Tips

Developing a mindfulness practice offers myriad positive benefits for the body and mind .

But sometimes, it’s easier said than done. 

It’s not easy in the beginning, and there will be bumps along the path toward a committed mindfulness practice. 

This article will guide you through various ways and resources to help introduce mindfulness in your life so that you are well prepared to start your journey.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to . These science-based comprehensive exercises will not only help you cultivate a sense of inner peace throughout your daily life, but also give you the tools to enhance the mindfulness of your clients, students, children, or employees.

You can download the free PDF .

This article contains:

References

Tip Six: Introduce A Breathing Exercise Before A Meeting

Up to this point, most of the tips have focused on the role and experiences of the employee; however, there is no reason why everyone in a team should not practice a mindfulness exercise.

There is some preliminary evidence that introducing a three-minute breathing exercise before a stand-up meeting results in better decision making, more productive meetings, better listening, good interactions, and more appropriate emotional responses .

This exercise could be completed as a group or individually before the meeting.

Mini Mindfulness Exercises You Can Do Without Meditating

Don’t have time to meditate every day? Here are 3 mini mindfulness exercises you can do in five minutes or even five seconds.

Being mindful means being tuned into the here and now, without judgment.

Practicing mindfulness is good for your health and well-being.

You can practice mindfulness in your daily life without doing full meditations. 

To anchor into the present moment, pay attention to how your breath feels without trying to change it. 

Do a mini body scan by focusing on just one part of your body.

Perform a quick check-in with all five of your senses to experience the world around you in the present moment. 

Happy New Year, everyone! How was your holiday season this past year? If it was anything like mine, you probably not only had lots of joyous moments, but also lots of hectic running around, getting things ready, hosting, traveling, ordering last-minute presents, and getting in touch with loved ones.

Times like these can sparkle with fun energy and can leave us feeling frazzled. That’s because all this running around makes it hard to be mindful. By mindful, I mean being present in the here and now with a non-judgmental attitude. The opposites of mindful are multi-tasking, judging, worrying, mentally planning, and getting stuck in our minds instead of being simply and fully in the real world in this current moment. 

When was the last time you were fully mindful? What did it feel like?

When The Time Is Up Reflect On Your Mindfulness Practice

Ask your children questions like: How did your body feel during the practice? What did you notice? What was your mind doing? Then share your answers. There is no right or wrong experience to have during a mindfulness practice. Sharing is a great way to connect with openness and curiosity and to see that sometimes we have similar experiences and sometimes our practices are very different.

Just like with any new exercise, this may not be easy in the beginning. But with time and practice, you will see that concentrating on the breath will become easier and a sense of calm will follow.

It can be very helpful to learn this practice from a teacher. A great place to find quality guided mindfulness practices online is . They create mindfulness practices in both English and French for you to do with your kiddos so that the whole family can practice together. Educalme’s guided mindfulness practices use vocabulary simple enough for kids, yet valuable for teens and adults too. Plus, the 5 minute guided audio is really easy to fit into your day.

Meditation Is Good For You But Not So Good For Your Butt Apr 8, 2020“I hereby call this meditation, ‘just being’” Paolo Nicolello

If I’ve been meditating on anything these days, it’s that I already sit way too much. When I’m eating, I’m sitting. When I’m working, I’m sitting. When I’m reading or writing I’m sitting. When I’m doing almost anything apart from sleeping or shopping or peeing—well, sometimes—I’m…

Acquaint Yourself With Your Breath To Be In Today Moment

Among the basics of reflection is the observation of breath. To start, you can take a couple of minutes throughout the day to observe your breath, your motivations, your exhalations, how the air column goes through you.

To aid you, you can count your breath. Just by following your breath, you will have the ability to realize that you can observe more serenely what is occurring in your mind: I saw this believed pass, I return to the breath, an additional idea passes, I come back to my breath again. Do not wait to do it 100 times if it is needed. The suggestion is to be in today minute; whether your mind is very upset or not, it is possible, by simply following the breath!

Progressively Incorporate This Technique Into Your Life

Mindfulness meditation is “training to be” and can end up being a way of living. The concept is to apply it in everyday life after having actually found out the fundamentals through official meditation sessions.

Your belly is a little knotted because of the stress and anxiety that climbs prior to a meeting, a test, a visit, a public speaking? Meditation can aid you to come back to the present moment in a couple of minutes, thanks to mindful breathing that enables you to be there, as well as not in the assumptions, projections?

Once you have attempted one or two official mindfulness meditation sessions, making use of an application, attempt to do it informally .

Powerful Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Everyday Life

You’re probably aware of the mantra of ‘living in the moment’. It’s almost the catch cry of the 21st century, at least among the wellness-minded.

But do you actually know what it means to live in the present?

For many of us, we only live in the present a fraction of the time, and instead, we dwell on the past, churning through thoughts about current problems, and worry about the future. We’re living in our minds, unconnected to the world around us or our own body or being.

This means we’re missing out on most of our lives, leaving us feeling unsettled, hollow and bereft of meaning.

The good news? We can learn to be more present and mindful.

Here are 5 powerful ways you can practice mindfulness in your daily life.

Simple Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Our Daily Life MindfulnessPositive PsychologySelf-ConfidenceMonique Tallon

“Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.”– Rumi

These days as we are all learning to adapt to a new normal of staying indoors, I’ve been personally finding it difficult to focus on what is going right with the world instead of what is going wrong. I find myself sometimes getting sucked into hours of scrolling through my social media feed to read the latest news or to feel more connected to friends and family. With all the unknowns of what the future holds, it’s easy to get stuck in negative feedback loops which ultimately breed stress in the body. And right now stress is the last thing we need if we want to boost our immune systems and keep a healthy mental state.

So in this blog post, I want to talk about how to train your brain through mindfulness practices to stay focused on the positive, lower stress, and keep yourself mentally healthy during this uncertain time we’re going through. 

When Is Mindfulness Right For Youand How Can You Know

Despite the risks mentioned above, there are still many documented benefits of mindfulness. But, as the adage goes: if you only have a hammer, everything can look like a nail. The reality is that we need many tools in the “mental health toolbox” for a variety of situations life will throw our way: what about the saw, screwdriver, or pliers? A contributing factor is that we live in a consumerist, capitalist country. It has been overly commodified, its origins partially distorted. Not enough people, especially health professionals are researchers, are talking about the risks, contraindications, or downsides of practice, or who specifically it’s best suited for and when.

Dedicate Time And Space For Your Mindfulness Practice

You want the space you choose for mindfulness practice to be quiet, calm, and soothing. You will also want to pick a time during which you are unlikely to be interrupted. Create a space in your house that is peaceful and allows you to just relax while practicing mindfulness. Don’t use this space for anything aside from meditating. This way, when you sit down, your body will be notified that it is time to calm down and practice mindfulness.

Make Mindfulness Meditation A Part Of Your Daily Life

Forming a dedicated meditation practice is like giving your soul a hug every day. Practice compassion towards yourself as you get into a groove. Every day won’t be easy and it definitely won’t be the same. With time and commitment, you’ll come to discover that you crave sitting in meditation. You’ll start to notice small changes in your mentality and approach to yourself and others. Mindfulness meditation is the gateway to presence, compassion, peace, and grounding. Dig in. 

How Other Than Meditation Do You Practice Mindfulness

§ Some things have helped me with this, such as, staring at an object for a while. Reading about meditation. Thinking about being present. Closing my eyes . What about you? I really appreciate you taking the time to share.

Awareness of the physical body is the first step towards mindfulness. Start with the body, move up to the mind when you’re ready.

That was the first step for you perhaps, but for me it was very later on. It all depends where your concerns and issues lie, to me it was in pondering the existence of life. As soon as I started observing my thoughts it became very clear to me that mindfulness was the key to the question of our purpose in life. Don’t affirm anything, don’t deny anything, simply say the steps and let others find their own experience.

Anytime I notice I’m lost in my mind I take a step back and pause and reset. Keeping coming back to the moment, keep coming back to the Truth.

When I’m at work I focus 100% on my task right in front of me. I won’t think of the outcome, I won’t think of what’s next or anything like that. I put everything into the work. I’m there a minimum of 8 hours so it’s a lot of my day, bonus is the quality of my work benefits too!

im trying to write my thesis . Im so bored or anxious that i cant focus. or maybe i just cant focus, every 5min work im on reddit for 5-10 then back more 5 more min . FML. i wish i could do what you do and just focus 100%

Eating is a big one for me too.

What You Need To Know Before Practicing Mindfulness:

You don’t need to buy anything. You can practice anywhere, there’s no need to go out and buy a special cushion or bench—all you need is to devote a little time and space to accessing your mindfulness skills every day.

There’s no way to quiet your mind. That’s not the goal here. There’s no bliss state or otherworldly communion. All you’re trying to do is pay attention to the present moment, without judgment. Sounds easy, right?

Your mind will wander. As you practice paying attention to what’s going on in your body and mind at the present moment, you’ll find that many thoughts arise. Your mind might drift to something that happened yesterday, meander to your to-do list—your mind will try to be anywhere but where you are. But the wandering mind isn’t something to fear, it’s part of human nature and it provides the magic moment for the essential piece of mindfulness practice—the piece that researchers believe leads to healthier, more agile brains: the moment when you recognize that your mind has wandered. Because if you can notice that your mind has wandered, then you can consciously bring it back to the present moment. The more you do this, the more likely you are to be able to do it again and again. And that beats walking around on autopilot any day .

The Effectiveness Of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy

In one study, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy-Mindfulness .

What are the “What” skills?

This first set of skills is meant to help the client learn how to:

Simply observe their experience.

Describe their experience using a verbal label.

Be fully present in the moment and in their actions without feeling self-conscious.

These skills allow the client to be aware of what is happening to them and of their part in their own experience. Becoming aware of their own thoughts and grounded in the present forms the foundation for the next set of “how” skills.

How Do the “How” Skills Work?

The “how” skills relate to the goal of teaching clients how to observe, describe, and participate in their own experience. This set of skills is intended to help clients:

Learn to have experiences in a non-evaluative and non-judgmental manner.

Focus on one thing at a time and learn to bring their attention back to the target when they go off course.

Be effective, or keep their focus on their goals regardless of their current mood .

The clients were also taken through a series of other mindfulness interventions including mindful breathing, the body scan, and other simple awareness practices.

Individuals in this study who received DBTM training, in addition to the usual treatment, had enhanced benefits compared to the group who received only the usual psychiatric treatment: the more minutes an individual spent practicing mindfulness, the greater the improvements in psychiatric symptoms .

Mindful Workout: Activate Your Mind And Your Muscles

Riding a bike, lifting weights, sweating it out on a treadmill—what do such exercises have in common? For one thing, each can be a mindfulness practice. Whatever the physical activity—dancing the Tango, taking a swim—instead of simply working out to burn calories, master a skill, or improve condition, you can move and breathe in a way that not only gets your blood pumping and invigorates every cell in your body, but also shifts you from feeling busy and distracted to feeling strong and capable.

Ready? The following steps, good for any activity, will help you synchronize body, mind, and nervous system. As you do, you will strengthen your capacity to bring all of your energy to the task at hand.

1. Be clear about your aim. As you tie your laces or pull on your gardening gloves, bring purpose to your activity by consciously envisioning how you want your guide your session. As you climb on your bike you might say, “I am going to breathe deeply and notice the sensation of the breeze and the sun and the passing scenery.” As you enter the pool, you might say, “I’m going to pay attention to each stroke, and the sound and feel of the water surrounding me.”

2. Warm up . Try any simple moves— jumping jacks, stretching— and concentrate on matching the rhythm of your breath to your movement. By moving rhythmically, your brain activity, heart rate, and nervous system begin to align and stabilize.

Heres What You Need For A Daily Meditation Practice:

Quiet Location: Choose a quiet space where no one will interfere with your practice. Use a cushion and create a sacred space by placing a few meaningful objects on a table in front of you

Dedicated Time: You are encouraged to meditate whenever and as often as you can! Many find that first thing in the morning is the best time to meditate. After a trip to the restroom, get to your meditation cushion right away before your day gets going. You can also meditate in the middle of the day and before bed to quiet the mind and release built-up stress

Set Duration: Many want to know a specific length of time to sit in meditation each day. The correct amount of time is 24/7 because you bring your mindfulness practice into every moment of your life. But for starters, 10-20 minutes is perfect. Set a timer and place it behind you so you aren’t tempted to look at it during your meditation session

How To Meditate When You Have No Idea Where To Start

If you’re wondering how to meditate, there’s a good chance it’s because you’ve heard all sorts of things about how good it can be for you. People love to suggest meditation for a variety of reasons: to reduce and anxiety, to ease depression, to put you to sleep, to make you feel more present, to magically transform you into a better, more grounded human being. The claims go on and on. And while the benefits of meditation have been greatly exaggerated in a lot of ways, plenty of people find it to be a worthwhile practice and . With everything going on in the world, it’s a solid time to explore meditation and whether it might be useful for you too.

Meditation may seem simple—and in many ways, it is—but people are often unsure where to start and whether they’re doing it correctly. To help you learn how to meditate and integrate it into your life, SELF asked meditation experts some of your most common meditation questions.

Mindfulness Activities For Groups And Group Therapy

Group therapy that incorporates mindfulness has shown some promising results. It is as effective as cognitive-behavioral therapy .

There is also evidence that group mindfulness meditation therapy is as effective as individual CBT . In a global climate with few clinical psychologists in relation to the need for them, and in a time when individual therapy time is limited and expensive, the proven efficacy of group-based therapy is great news.

Even if you do not feel a need to visit a therapist, there are mindfulness-focused groups that share and deepen meditation practice . Here are four exercises from such groups.

Practices For Improving Emotional And Physical Well

It’s a busy world. You fold the laundry while keeping one eye on the kids and another on the television. You plan your day while listening to the radio and commuting to work, and then plan your weekend. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, you may find yourself losing your connection with the present moment—missing out on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Did you notice whether you felt well-rested this morning or that forsythia is in bloom along your route to work?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment. Mindfulness is now being examined scientifically and has been found to be a key element in stress reduction and overall happiness.

Mindfulness Helps Students Achieve Academic Success

Everyone knows that, in addition to academic success, people want our youth to be happy and physically well. All of these goals are connected, and we now realize the role that social and emotional well-being has in achieving academic success. Learning how to focus one’s attention on productive tasks, become more self-aware, stay motivated to keep going when work becomes difficult, and deal with the frustrations of learning and communicating with peers are vital skills that depend on a student’s ability to comprehend and manage their emotions.

Researchers have found that college students who learned the craft of mindfulness were able to perform better on the verbal reasoning section of the GRE, and experienced improvements in their working memory. While the emphasis on academic achievement is typically what is highlighted in debates on school reform, important movements are being made by people who take a more complete and holistic approach to education.

Anchoring Our Awareness: Alternatives To The Breath

December 16, 2018 by Kristy Arbon

Photo by dorota dylka on Unsplash

In mindfulness meditation practice we are invited to anchor or ground our awareness in something we can sense, the breath being the most common anchor. Often the assumption in meditation instruction is that the breath is a neutral, portable, dynamic, rhythmic object of awareness that is a convenient place to train our awareness on.

However, the breath doesn’t feel like much of an anchor for some people. Trauma memories can be associated with the face, neck and chest area – all places on the body that the breath moves through. If our particular trauma memory is carried in these parts of our body, then this is not a neutral place to rest our awareness.

Or, if we have difficulty breathing as a result of a chronic or acute physical condition, bringing awareness to this physiological process probably won’t feel grounding. The breath is not a neutral object of awareness and may actually increase our anxiety and move us out of our window of tolerance.

If we are interested in cultivating a mindfulness meditation practice but we are challenged by anchoring our awareness on the breath, or we are a teacher of mindfulness and wish to offer options for folks who are challenged by using the breath as an anchor, we can consider some alternative anchors based on what we understand about our sensory system.

Two kinds of sensory anchors

Our sensations can be categorized in two ways:

that give us information about our body .

The Benefits Extend Beyond A Calmer State Of Mind

Meditation is widely recommended as a health-boosting practice—and for good reason. It provides many positive benefits, from reducing symptoms of stress to relieving physical complaints like headaches and even enhancing immunity to illness.?? Between the health benefits and the fact that it’s free and requires as few as five minutes, it’s easy to see why meditation has become a popular complement to conventional medicine.

How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation Greatist

As I settle into my seat to write this article, I take a deep, slow, breath. The sun’s rays are beginning to seep through the curtain, my cup of rooibos-ginger tea warms the palm of my left hand. I notice the slight kink between my shoulder blades. I remember to text a friend to confirm our walking date, resisting the urge to quickly pick up my phone. I note the smell of the jasmine-scented incense burning on my bookshelf, and the purr of my cat as he curls his tail around my right calf. I take another deep, slow, breath. And then I open my laptop.

This is my mindfulness meditation practice.

Founded by meditation coach Will Williams, World Meditation Day is observed on May 21st as a time to pause from normal everyday life and find calmness through participating in the ancient practice of meditation. While meditation remains a fundamental component of many religions around the world, including Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, and other Eastern or New Age belief systems, it is also practiced by individuals who don’t identify as religious or spiritual. In India, written texts on meditation practices date back as early as 1500 BCE.

Over time, mindfulness meditation has been associated with various health and well-being benefits such as:

Reflection Is Not Considering Absolutely Nothing

One more preconception regarding reflection that often comes up is that reflection includes not thinking of anything anymore, of emptying our head. However, in reflection, we are complimentary to consider what we desire, we allowed our thoughts pass, we observe them, without feeding them, as well as gradually, these thoughts will go away. And possibly they will certainly even return, as well as in this case, in the same way, we let them “pass like a cloud.”Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Ways To Practice Mindfulness Without Meditating

Phrases like “this month flew by” or “where is the time going?” are becoming all too common these days, and they are absolutely linked to the lack of time we take to slow down and be mindful. Mindfulness is essentially the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment, without judgment. A simple definition for a simple practice; but don’t get the wrong idea, regular mindfulness practice can have some serious positive effects such as improved concentration, energy and sleep as well as increased overall life satisfaction and reduced anxiety.

Mindfulness is most commonly practiced through some form of meditation such as breathing focused activities, focusing on a mantra or guided imagery. However, mindfulness can also be practiced in a more casual way and yield the same benefits. Below are 8 ways to practice mindfulness without meditating.

1. Mindful walking- Mindful walking is an opportunity to focus on the present moment-your feet on the ground, the wind on your face, or the sounds you are hearing- without any judgment. When your mind wanders, simply notice that your mind has wandered and gently return your attention back to your walk.

2. Mindfulness in the shower- Being in the shower provides a strong opportunity to connect with your senses. Try focusing your attention on the smell of your shampoo, the lather of your body wash, or the temperature of the water. Connecting with our senses is a wonderful way to practice being mindful.

Mindfulness Reduces Rumination And Overthinking

One of the most common symptoms that comes along with anxiety is rumination or overthinking. After you begin to worry about something, your brain will hold onto that tightly and make it difficult to let go. It is easy to get into a thought loop where you continue to replay each and every bad outcome imaginable. We all know this is not useful because worrying about something does not prevent it from happening.

actually showed that people who were new to mindfulness and began to practice it during a retreat were able to show fewer signs of rumination and anxiety than the control group.

Locate A Suitable Place To Discover To Meditate

If it is possible to meditate everywhere , to begin with, it is recommended to be in a relatively quiet and also quiet area. Not necessarily where silence is outright, yet an area where you will certainly not be as well disturbed.

Throughout your session, interruptions can potentially show up, as well as it doesn’t matter. It can even be intriguing since these are all points you will be able to observe.

Focusing your attention on the sounds you can listen to around you, as an example, allows you to be in the moment: you hear a radiator going off, for instance, as opposed to entering into a tale , the idea is to observe this noise and then have the ability to come back to your breath, taking it by the hand in a method. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Mindful Driving: Drive Yourself Calm Not Crazy

There’s nothing like heavy traffic and impatient drivers to trigger the “fight or flight” response. That’s why road rage erupts and stress levels soar, while reason is overrun. The worse the traffic, the worse the stress. Los Angeles, where I live, has some of the worst traffic around, and some of the most unserene drivers. Emotions run high, tempers flare, tires squeal.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. In fact, the snarliest traffic jam can provide an excellent opportunity to build your mindfulness muscle, increase your sense of connection to others, and restore some balance and perspective.

Here are the steps to a simple behind-the-wheel practice I’ve been doing for a while. I’ve found it can work wonders.

1. First, take a deep breath. This simple, yet profound advice helps bring more oxygen into your body and widens the space between the stimulus of the traffic and your heightened stress reaction. In this space lies perspective and choice.

2. Ask yourself what you need. It may be in that moment that you need to feel safe, at ease or you just need some relief. Understanding what you need will bring balance.

3. Give yourself what you need. If ease is what you need, you can scan your body for any tension and soften any tension or adjust your body as needed. You can sprinkle in some phrases of self-compassion, such as, “May I be at ease, may I feel safe, may I be happy.”

This article also appeared in the April 2016 issue of magazine.

How To Find The Correct Posture For Meditation

Sit on a cushion with your legs crossed and spine straight, shoulders stacked above hips. Use a chair if that’s more comfortable for you, but ensure that your spine is straight, don’t rest against the back of the chair, and keep your feet planted on the ground

Rest your hands on your thighs or rest the back of one hand in the palm of the other and let your thumbs touch lightly

Straighten your spine like a stack of golden coins

Relax your shoulders down and away from your ears and allow the arms to relax down by your sides

Gently tuck the chin and keep your lips slightly parted

Gently close your eyes or keep them slightly open and gaze ?down about 3-4 feet in front of you

Mindfulness Reflection Mindfulness: What Is It

Mindfulness reflection could be defined as “deliberately focusing attention on today minute,” for instance, focusing on breathing or physical sensations. A pose that allows one to place oneself in an onlooker’s placement and also no longer a star of one’s mental functioning: what’s going on in my mind? What are the sensations that I can observe, in my body, in my mind? What are these thoughts that pass in the present moment?

” We all can be in the here and now minute, we all can uncover this room of liberty that allows us to leave the autopilot: driving on the way residence from job and not even keeping in mind the turns we took, for example … Yet it’s true constantly: cooking dinner at night, doing your task or perhaps saying hello! We’re not actually in the present moment …” describes Benjamin Blasco, founder of the Petit BamBou reflection application. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Research On Mindfulness Meditation For Anxiety

A 2014 study showed that state anxiety of participants was reduced when they meditated. This reduction was linked to the activation of three brain structures, the anterior cingulate cortex, ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and anterior insula.?? Activation of these brain regions was strongly related to anxiety relief, and confirmed that mindfulness meditation reduces anxiety by helping individuals to regulate their thinking patterns.

Reasons To Start Practicing Mindfulness Today

At this point, you might think that mindfulness sounds like it requires a lot of effort.

Beginning a mindfulness habit is work, and it will be difficult in the beginning, but this habit will become easier over time and with more practice.

Additionally, mindfulness has numerous positive benefits . The benefits of mindfulness are emotional, cognitive, interpersonal, professional, and practical.

Final Thoughts On How To Practice Mindfulness

If you are new to mindfulness, then try doing it for just five minutes a day until you get the hang of it.

It can help improve your life by reducing stress and negative thoughts, increasing energy and awareness and teaching you how to let go of fleeting negative thoughts.

As a practice that has been around for thousands of years, mindfulness has been very helpful for many people looking to make improvements in their lives.

All you have to do is make the commitment to pick one of the exercises mentioned in the post, read over the simple steps for how to practice mindfulness and then schedule time daily to make it happen.

Next, if you’d like to learn more about mindfulness and meditation, then we have a wide selection of resources on this page. Specifically, here a number of blog posts that you might find interesting:

Form Positive Habits And Strengthen Willpower

Without a daily meditation practice, it is much more likely that you will fall back into old habits that do not serve you and aren’t in alignment with your purpose and authenticity. Unconscious, repetitive thoughts can drastically affect your mental health. A regular meditation practice will reinforce your willpower and help you form positive and productive new habits so you can let go of what no longer serves you.  

Live With Passion + Renew Your Vigor For Life

Most of us have had a glimpse into our true nature. Maybe it was the moment you saw your child being born or kissing your dying mother goodbye. Perhaps it was a deep stillness on a hike in nature or gazing into a loved one’s eyes. You know there’s so much more to your life than busy-ness. You can just feel it. Your mindfulness meditation practice helps you transcend that unceasing mind to uncover your true peaceful nature. Meditating every day – and hopefully “taking it off the cushion” – helps you live in this unlimited potential 24/7. The Italians say “If you can’t live longer, live deeper.” With your daily meditation practice, you can live your life fully in the present without missing a moment. 

Mindfulness Activities That Arent Meditation

As always, these ideas aren’t written in stone. They are simply ideas to get you started, but there are plenty of other mindfulness activities you could do. Use these ideas as well as the criteria above to find a few mindfulness activities that you can do regularly and work best for you.

It’s great to try to incorporate new mindfulness activities into your routine, but there are also plenty of activities you’re probably already doing that you can turn into mindfulness activities.

Any of these activities can be done mindfully, or not. It’s up to you to make them mindful by using them as opportunities to focus on your breath, the present moment, and where your attention is focused.

1. Go For a Walk: Practice mindfulness while walking by focusing your attention on the walk rather than the thoughts running through your head. Instead of walking out of habit, focus on your footsteps, your surroundings, and all of your senses.

It’s great if you can walk in nature. But if this isn’t available to you, that’s okay. You can use your walk to work as a mindfulness activity, go for a walk around your neighborhood in the morning, or take a quick walk on your lunch break.

How to do a walking meditation

2. Take Deep Breaths: A quick mindfulness practice to incorporate into your day is taking deep breaths. When something frustrating happens, focus your attention on your breath instead of reacting based on emotion. Work this activity into each day as needed.

Weaving Loom Kits on Etsy

Simple Mindfulness Practices For Daily Life

Your day-to-day activities offer ample opportunities to call up mindfulness in any moment. These simple practices will breathe space into your daily routines.

Daily Practices

How often have you rushed out the door and into your day without even thinking about how you’d like things to go? Before you know it, something or someone has rubbed you the wrong way, and you’ve reacted automatically with frustration, impatience, or rage—in other words, you’ve found yourself acting in a way you never intended.

You don’t have to be stuck in these patterns. Pausing to practice mindfulness for just a few minutes at different times during the day can help your days be better, more in line with how you’d like them to be.

Explore these five daily practices for bringing more mindfulness into your life:

[marauders--mischief]

Lucida

Pairing: Sirius x Reader

Word Count: 5,130

Warnings: Angst, character death, depressing thoughts

A/N: Okay, this is my first piece of writing I’ve ever published. I’m not pretending to be amazing at writing so if you read it and you can think of anything I need to improve on, please tell me, I’d appreciate the feedback. I also need to say a massive thank you to @imlikepadfoot for giving me the little boost of encouragement I needed to post this. The title, Lucida, means the brightest star in a constellation, but it was a quick translation so it might be wrong. Anyway… hope you like it! :)

****

Most of your time in Hogwarts was spent in the Astronomy Tower, looking at the stars. Despite already being surrounded by it, there was just something so much more magical about them than anything else that left you in awe. The idea that, you were a tiny detail in the never-ending wonder that was space. For you, that’s what the stars represented. Forever. Too many of them littered against the night sky, it would take a forever to count them all. Only a few people knew you came up here so often, and Sirius Black was one of them. Sirius Black, your best friend, who you had loved since your third year. Yet every week, he was kissing a new pair of lips. You had told yourself that he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, because you hadn’t told him you had loved him, but it didn’t make the pain any better. Although, on nights like these, when the full moon shone bright, white light and the stars were most visible, you laid on the floor, the cold breeze causing you to shiver. Complete silence but for your breathing surrounded you and you were reminded why you dealt with the pain; Sirius was out there now in his Animagi form, risking his life for his friend. Maybe, you’d just have to wait a little longer.

Early morning approached, and the cold winds became warmer. Unbeknown to you, Sirius had left the Shrieking Shack early, going to meet his best friend. The sun made the sky appear like it was aflame, the bright orange lighting the features of your peaceful face. Prodding you, Sirius tries to wake you up, though he has to do it a few times. Jolting, you spin around, looking for the cause of your disturbance. You shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Mornin’, Y/N/N.” Sirius chuckles. “Sleep well?”

“Oh yeah, just fab,” you glare at him but he only smiles. Your sarcasm was one of the main things he liked about you. You rub your eyes, attempting to wake yourself up more. The only thing Sirius notices is how cute you look when your face scrunches up and how your hair looks adorably wild that he has the urge to run his hands through it. So, he does. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for the both of you. You would nearly always be up here, snoring softly, though you would never remember when you actually did fall asleep, and Sirius would join you, braiding your hair for you.  

“So, how’s Moony?” You ask after a while.  

“He’s okay. No new scars to report tonight.”  

“Good.”

When Sirius finishes plaiting your hair, he scoots over to you so you can both watch the sun rise together. Today however, there’s something more on both of your minds. You were both in your final year at Hogwarts, and with the N.E.W.T’s already completed, there wasn’t that much time left until you went home forever.

“We’ll stay together won’t we?” Sirius bursts out, breaking the silence. “I mean, you’ll visit everyday?”

“Of course, Pads.”  

‘Y/N,

Me and James are having a little party to celebrate Harry’s first Christmas. It starts at 5 and only a few people will be there. I know Pete, Remus, Marlene, Frank and Alice are definitely coming. Even Sirius will be there. We’d love it if you could come, it feels like we haven’t actually seen you in ages, what with all the stuff in the Order you’re doing. Let us know, anyway.  

Lots of Love,

Lily.’

You skim over the letter again, eyes lingering over ’Even Sirius will be there.’ Though you had never told Lily about your feelings towards Sirius, she managed to figure it out for herself. Unsurprising, really. Lily Potter was the cleverest witch you knew. When she told you on your last journey home on the Hogwarts Express, you became instantly anxious because, what if he found out? But she promised you that she wouldn’t tell anyone, not even James.

Now, you were debating on whether or not to go. Overall, the fact that you had been really busy with the Order recently, influenced your decision. You could do with a little break and you also felt bad for not keeping your promise to Sirius about visiting everyday. Shuffling over to your desk, you grab a piece of parchment and a quill.  

'Lily,  

I would love to come. It’ll be nice to see you all again.

Love,

Y/N.’

Christmas Day finally arrived, and you were just finishing getting ready to apparate to the Potter’s household. You were wearing a dark red, knee length dress with natural makeup. Grabbing the presents you bought for everyone off the side, you close your eyes and picture their house. A sudden rushing feeling crashes over you and suddenly, you’re standing in front of the door to their house. You knock three times, and Lily opens the door, wrapping you in a tight hug once she sees your face smiling up at her.  

She doesn’t let go for a while, and when you try to escape her arms, she only holds on tighter. “Hiya to you too, Lils,” you giggle.

“Well aren’t you coming in?” Finally letting you go. “Unless of course, you want to stay outside in the snow?”  

Rolling your eyes at her, you step inside and close the door behind you, following Lily to the living room. Sat on the sofa, was James, laughing at a black dog, as Harry tried to grab its tail. You begin to join in the laughter, and the dog’s ears lift up. A second later, the dog transforms into Sirius, who has a mischievous smirk etched onto his face.  

“Why, hello. James, who’s this stranger?” He jokes.

“Sirius,” you laugh, “stop it! I haven’t seen you in weeks and you act as though you don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Sirius hesitates for a moment, pretending to think about who you were, before he grinned widely. “Y/N!” He shouts, lifting you up and twirling you round.  

“Woah, Sirius,” you exclaimed, playfully slapping his back. “Put me down!”

Reluctantly, Sirius lowers you down until your feet are firmly flat on the ground. However, as soon as you are, you go back for another hug, this time your arms wrapped tightly around his waist. “Missed you, Pads.”

Sirius smiles, but continues to play around with you. “I know…I missed me too.”

You instantly let go of him. “Sirius, you absolute git!”

Sirius and James break into laughter, and then there’s a knock on the door. Lily, and Marlene went upstairs to get the presents, Frank and Alice were in the kitchen preparing the food and James and Sirius were too busy having a laughing fit, so you were left to get the door.  

When you open it, Remus and Peter are stood there; Peter in a coat too big for him and Remus in his usually fluffy jumper. Smiling, you open the door wider and let them in. Peter smiles at you, but Remus goes to hug you. Remus and you were like brother and sister. At the end of the first year in Hogwarts, you had discovered his secret and had given hints to the other Marauders, knowing they wouldn’t abandon their friend. As you predicted, James, Sirius and Peter found a way to help his transformations; turning into Animagi. Remus, however, still needed someone to talk to, a job you happily accepted.

When you let go of each other, you both returned to the room where everyone was now talking and laughing, the Christmas spirit obviously high. You took a seat next to Sirius, watching as Harry opened his presents from all of you. James, you and Sirius were the only one’s drinking, and as the night went on, your proximity to Sirius only became closer.  

Everyone began to leave at around 11, Lily politely mentioning that Harry needed to sleep. You, however, stayed to help Sirius clean up.  

“No star gazing tonight then, Y/N?” Sirius asked.

Unable to stop yourself from smiling, you look up at him. “Of course. When do I not?”

His mouth opens and closes, as if he’s lingering on unspoken words, but he just shrugs and goes back to picking the wrapping paper off the floor.  

Sirius uttered his next words so quietly, that if even one person spoke, you wouldn’t have heard him. “Mind if I join you this time?”  

His eyes are already locked on yours, and butterflies erupt from your stomach. “Sure.” Perhaps it was just the drink talking, or maybe you would’ve accepted his offer anyway.

Taking Sirius by the hand, you dragged him to the back garden. Once you’ve summoned blankets to lay on, you tell Sirius to lay down. Not allowing the nerves to get the better of you, you lay next to him, head resting on his outstretched arm.

This felt so right to both you. You could hardly calm your rapidly beating heart, though he began talking to you about the stars, so you knew he mustn’t’ve noticed.

His head turns to face you, your hair tickling the side of his face. “See that one there?” He asks, pointing upwards towards a star.  

Following the direction in which he was pointing, you see a star, outshining all the others. You became quite confused as to how you’d never seen it before.

“That’s Sirius,” he noted.

Your attention turns back to Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, and you smile, snuggling in closer to the real Sirius.

Hours and hours, you both stayed like that, until you eventually fell asleep. When you woke up, you woke up alone. You were glad you hadn’t told him how you felt last night, as he obviously didn’t return the feelings. Still, you would fondly remember the previous night for the rest of your life.

It would be one of the only good nights you had in a long time.  

How? How could he have done such a terrible thing? Your best friend, seemingly loyal to a fault, had betrayed James and Lily. Your best friend, who cried when he ran away from home and was so full of love and kindness, had joined the Death Eaters. You didn’t want to believe it, but the evidence was there. A picture of him from his cell in Azkaban flashed across the newspaper. His appearance was scruffy, and he looked completely deranged. If you looked long enough, you could almost hear his maniacal laughter leaving his lips. Again, you found yourself grateful that you had not told him your feelings towards him. You were sure now that he only would’ve used it to his advantage, manipulating you for information. Throwing the newspaper away into the fire, you sit down in your old armchair. You refused to remember him like that. No. To you, Sirius would always be your sarcastic, smirking best friend, and you would not know him any other way.

Hatred for the man you thought you knew spurred inside you. Four of your friends had been lost in one night. Three of them were dead, their blood on his hands. And the fourth was Sirius himself. Alive still, but not the same.  

You apparate to Godrics Hollow, and enchant a sign so people could write on it. You didn’t leave a message. There would be too many words and it would take up the entire sign. Instead, you went to the front door and left a single white lily. You don’t return to the Potter’s home after that.

12 years had passed agonisingly slowly, and you had not looked at the stars since that awful Halloween night. In fact, you rarely left the house at all. Remus was the only company you got now, though it wasn’t really much, he was suffering from the loss of all of his friends just as much as you were. Silences and sorrow was the only thing you could give one another, but it was enough. Only yesterday did he tell you that Albus Dumbledore had come to find him, offering him the place of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Happy that Remus finally had something he could look forward too, you encouraged him to take the job, with the condition that he’d write to you about Harry, and if Hogwarts had changed at all. And like that, Remus was gone, leaving you alone in the world once more.

Innocent. All this time you thought he had good as murdered three of your best friends and it turns out it’s Peter, who you mourned over for 12 years. You were ashamed. Ashamed that you had not trusted your best friend, as he would’ve done for you. Why would he ever forgive you, when you had left him in a cell to rot, alone with grief? How would you ever be deserving of the man who had been wrongly accused of a crime he didn’t commit. The answer was never. Never would you deserve Sirius Black.  But, you had to see him to apologise, consequences be damned.

Refusing to believe Sirius had returned to his old home, you checked all the places you could think of. But, Sirius had gone into hiding, and he had left no trace of him behind. As a last resort you tracked down Remus, who you heard had returned to his apartment.

When you get there, you knock on the door and it’s not two seconds before Remus lets you in. He must have been expecting you to visit.

“I don’t know where he’s gone, Y/N.”

You sigh. You should’ve expected as much. “Well, if you do hear from him you’ll let me know, won’t you?”

“You’ll be the first to know.”

With that, you leave Remus’ apartment and return to your own home, anxiously waiting for any news of Sirius Black.

He was always reckless. Being locked up in his old family home, which he detested, only made it worse. Throwing himself at every dangerous mission the Order offered, only to become more agitated when everyone denied it him. Unfortunately, with Lord Voldemort returning to power, you rarely had time to even see Sirius, and when you did it was to discuss tactics for the Order. During the meetings, when anything about Azkaban was mentioned, sometimes you swore you could see his face turn as white as a ghost, terror struck and eyes glazed over. Dazed, he often tried to play it off, but you were watching, and you knew. He was remembering his time there. 'I’m out now, Y/N, I don’t worry about it anymore.’ Obviously, you had seen right through his lie, having known him for so long. But if that’s what he needed to tell himself to help him get through whatever he was dealing with, you would gladly go along with it.  

Arthur, Molly and Lupin had joined you and Sirius at 12 Grimmauld Place after Christmas for tea. You were in the kitchen, in charge of preparing the food whilst everyone else was sat at the table, talking about Harry. Aside from getting visitors, hearing about his godson was one of the few things that genuinely made Sirius smile. He loved hearing tales of the boy, especially from Lupin. About how Lupin woke up on the train and thought he was James. Listening to how excellent he was in Defense Against the Dark Arts and how he always stuck up for his friends. Of course, Sirius had quickly found out just how much Harry was like James already, from his Quidditch ability to his apparent attraction to trouble. But Sirius was a convicted murderer, meaning he could never walk into Hogwarts and see it for himself. So, he always enjoyed learning about the stuff he could never find out for himself. Another reason you loved Sirius: his love for his family (his true family, not his prejudiced mother), was admirable.  

After everyone had finished their food, Arthur and Molly left, leaving only you, Sirius and Lupin. It reminded you of your time back in Hogwarts, when you and Lupin were in the library studying, only for Sirius to come up to you and inevitably drag you along to play some prank on Snape or Filch. Reminiscing the memories, you sat for an hour, laughing and drinking like your lives were normal again.  

Eventually, Lupin got up. “I’m er- I’m going to go clean up. I’ll come back soon.”

The two of you sat quietly for a while before you got an idea. When you rose from the sofa, Sirius gave you a questioning look. Darting your eyes to Sirius then to the door, you step outside and wait for him, knowing he got your message. Sure enough, two minutes later, you feel his presence. When you look back at him, your breath hitches. He’s stood with his legs crossed, and his elbow leaning on the door frame, almost carefree. For the first time in a long time, he looked like the Sirius you knew before. Shaking your head, you grab his hand and pull him forward.

“Lay down,” you whisper.  

Following your request, he lowers himself onto the ground, with you joining him.

“See that one there?” You say, pointing upwards towards the star, exactly as he had done before. Repeating it all made the memory seem real again, despite knowing every last detail of the already. “That’s Sirius.”  

He chuckles quietly, a look of awe etched upon his face. But he wasn’t looking at the star… he was looking at you. The one who had comforted him, and felt guilty for leaving him. The one who knew what to do when he broke down, just like you were doing now. His heart sank every time he thought about it because you deserved someone better than him, someone who wasn’t damaged on the inside and out.

Oblivious to Sirius’ piercing gaze, your attention stayed on the glittering night sky, only now aware of how much you had missed them. This was the most relaxed you had been in a long time, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you belonged here, in Sirius’s arms. Almost as if you were returning home.

Your eyes to flick up to meet his. “You see, the thing about Sirius is, is that it never notices how it makes the rest of the sky light up and it never knows it’s the brightest star in the sky. It forever thinks he’s not worth as much as the rest of them, but he couldn’t be more wrong.”

“He?” Asks Sirius.  

First you think you’ve fucked up and you tell yourself that he’s not going to want to talk to you anymore. Seconds feel like hours as the silence drags on… and on, and on. Until finally- “I didn’t know stars had genders.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, you shoot him a playful glare. “Oh, shove off, Black.”

Everything was okay, his playful demeanor proof of that. “Seriousl- no!” He groaned, realising what he’d said.  "Don’t laugh, I mean it!“ Though Sirius had already joined in with your snickering. He buried his face in his hands. "Ugh, that joke is so old, Y/N.”

“Old but funny,” you retort.  

He glares at you. “Y/N, I was trying to be sincere.” Giving your best 'listening’ expression, you motion for him to continue. “Anyway… I was just saying that I… I really do appreciate everything you do for me and it makes me the happiest person alive to be able to have you in my life.” Sirius had wanted to say so much more but for some reason he held back, afraid of what you might say.

Blood rises to your cheeks, thankful that it was dark out so he couldn’t see your blush. “You’ve been my best friend for years, Pads, it’s what I’m supposed to do.” Would he ever know how desperately you wanted to be more than friends? If it weren’t for the fact that he was a convicted murderer, Sirius could have any girl he wanted. And if he wasn’t, why would he choose you?

That was the problem with falling in love with your best friend: he would never see you as anything more. You ignore the sinking feeling you get in your heart and try to enjoy your time with Sirius. You’d have to return to the Ministry before long.  

All too soon, the night was over, you and Lupin left, and Sirius was alone once more.

Numb. That was the only word that could explain how you felt. Anger and sadness coursed through your veins, unsure of your own emotions. Because Sirius could not be dead. You would deny it until he came back. He would. He would come back.  

Remus had not left your company since he found you. He wasn’t even sure you had noticed his presence. He had learnt how you felt about Sirius soon after he got put in Azkaban, and though he himself was shocked and deserted by his best friend again, he knew you were in a worse state than he was. Positioned in a way so that you were half kneeling, half laying, your body shook as you cried and screamed.  

Somehow, you both felt agonising pain, and nothing all at once. You wanted it to end. You wanted him to come back and wrap his warm arms around you, soothing you and telling you that he was right there. But he wasn’t. There were arms around you though. But they felt different, not unfamiliar but not the ones you needed either. In the distance, you heard a voice call your name. It sounded far away, too far for you to care. The arms around you lifted you up, but you didn’t even feel your feet leave the floor. Suddenly, a realisation dawned on you, and you wanted to curl up into yourself, to be undisturbed by anyone ever again. It was your fault Sirius was dead. If only you had ignored Kingsley’s order. You should’ve gone down to the fight, you would’ve been able to save him. It was your fault.

Remus had picked you up now, though you were still shaking uncontrollably. You were muttering inaudibly, but he managed to catch a few words and phrases. “S-Sirius…” You sobbed. “…’m sorry. My faul- Sirius, please. Come b-back.” It almost broke Remus to see you like this, he was scared you might do something stupid, as grieving people often did. He was scared he’d end up with no one. There was nowhere to go except headquarters, a place he knew would not be even slightly comforting to either of you.  

You realised too late that your surroundings had changed and that you were no longer in the Ministry. Panic swept over you; you thought you had been taken by a Death Eater that had managed to escape. Luckily, when you look over your shoulder to glimpse the person carrying you, you see Remus. However, you were worried. What if Sirius came back and you weren’t there to help him? You begin to protest against Remus, clawing and reaching for something to hold onto that could release you from his grip. All rationality had left your brain, you were so desperate to return to Sirius, wherever he was, you forgot you had a wand.  

“Rem,” you croaked, your voice sore from the shouting. “Remus, put me down! Sirius. He might- we have to go b-back.”

He ignored you.

“REMUS! Listen to me! He’s not dead. He’s… he’s not.”  

Again, Remus acted as though you hadn’t even opened your mouth. You’d had enough.  

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN! Your best friend is in trouble, he is not dead! Don’t you care?-”

Immediately, you were dropped to the ground, Remus was looking at you with more anger in his eyes than you had ever seen. “OF COURSE I CARE, Y/N! BUT HE’S DEAD! DEAD, AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!”

His chest is heaving, out of breath from shouting and releasing all of his anger and frustration. Frustration at the unfairness of the world, because why, why did it have to be the one person everyone cared about so much. You only must register the truth: Sirius wasn’t coming back. No matter if you returned to the Ministry or not. You both break down at the same time. Tears streaming down your face, you rush back to Remus’ side, hugging him so tightly so he couldn’t leave you.  

Your face is leaning on his shoulder, buried in his shabby coat, causing your cries to sound slightly muffled. “Moony, I- I’m so sorry. I cou- should’ve helped. It’s my fault he’s dead.”  

“No. It’s not, Y/N. It’s no ones. Not yours, not Harry’s. It’s Voldemort, Y/N. He’s caused all of this pain and loss, and there’s going to be so much more.”

Neither of you cared at that moment in time that you were in an open street, lit only by a far-off streetlamp, open for anyone to attack you. You just held on tighter to each other, scared that you’d lose the only connection to Sirius the both of you had left.  

Grimmauld Place echoed a lot. At least to you it did. Echoes of Sirius’ laughter and witty retorts. Echoes of the conversations the both of you shared. At first, you thought it was too much; to remember Sirius but not actually have him be there. Soon though, you began to seek the echoes. You were afraid you forget his bark-like laugh and what his voice sounded like when he had only just woken up. So, you had stayed shut up in Grimmauld Place since Lupin brought you here. Dumbledore came to tell you that Harry said he didn’t have an issue with it. He’d also told you that Sirius would be upset to see you like you were, but you didn’t really hear him.  

Needless to say, you hadn’t spoken to anyone since Remus brought you back here. When your feet finally decided to respond to your minds wishes, you went straight up to his room and hardly ever left his bed. Molly and Remus were the only people to come to you (Molly less often than Remus). It eerily reminded you of the time when Sirius was sent to Azkaban, and it was only Remus and you, left together to keep each other sane. Sometimes, you deluded yourself into thinking that is what had happened, and that soon, Sirius was going to burst through the door, declaring he’d escaped yet again. But no such thing ever happened, and you were forced back to the truth that the man you had loved for so long, was gone. That, was your biggest regret. You had never told him how you felt and even though you told yourself that you had reasons not to at the time, they all seemed insignificant now.  

Weeks went on like this. Molly eventually had to stop coming, too busy looking after her own kids, leaving only Remus to talk to you despite you never replying and bring you food which you hardly touched.  

With your resistance to do anything, you were certain that you were slowly going insane. Remus had just left, the door slamming shut. You decided to get up. There was nothing more that could hurt you, you had practically lost everything. Looking through Sirius’ belongings could not make your suffering any worse.  

How very wrong you were.  

You went through pictures, school books, records, clothes and objects from Hogwarts: magical and non-magical alike. There was a large Gryffindor banner which he had stolen from the common room after a party and a mobile with thestrals on, which you presumed used to hang over his crib when he was a baby. You did your best to return his room to a normal looking state (his room had become trashed when he left home, and he said he never had the effort to fix it).  

You understood why. Before the room even began to look tidy, it was already evening, and now you were organising everything, the moon had appeared and the stars were starting to appear.

Whilst you were making the bed, you lifted a pillow, from which an envelope lay underneath.  There was no name or address on the envelope, though it looked different from the rest of his possessions in the room. Everything else so far looked old, dusty or worn, whereas this… this looked new.  

Curious, you opened the letter and read it.

'Y/N Y/L/N,

I’m writing this on the night that we watched the stars together here. There was so much I wanted to say that night, Y/N. And you’re not here now, so this is so much easier to say but…

I love you. I have for a long time.

I really hope I actually gain the courage to give you this letter, but knowing me, it’ll probably just stay wherever I put it.  

You are the most amazing, kind, funny, accepting person I have ever met. And I’m lucky enough to have you as my best friend. But I’m selfish, Y/N. I want more with you but I know you deserve someone much better than me. That’s why I’ve never told you. But every day I see you, I come closer and closer to telling you, because no one else knows you like I do, Y/N/N. All your little quirks. I know not to even try talking to you when you’re reading your favourite book, I know you only have your hot chocolate with the white marshmallows in and I know how much you love the stars.

To me, you are impossible to comprehend in the most beautiful way because the things I love about you are never-ending.

I will forever cherish every second I get to spend with you.  

Sirius’

Eyes starting to water, you read it again and again, until you can’t bear to read it anymore. After everything, all the worry that your love was unrequited, and he said he had loved you.

Overcome with emotions, you run outside, back to where you watched the stars with him for the second time. You had never imagined coming to look at the stars ever again, you thought it would be too painful to have the good memories flooding back to you. Now, you couldn’t care less. You laid in the exact same spot as last time. If you closed your eyes, you could almost picture him lying beside you. Scanning the sky, you try and locate the brightest star in the sky. And with a pang in your heart, you noticed that Sirius shone a little brighter.

[writtenlastminute]

Locked Down with Animal Crossing

Animal Crossing, as I said in my review, is a time sink. This usually would not be such a huge problem, as we have school, work or family keeping us to schedules where we can’t play the game all day every day. However, at the time of writing this, most of the world is locked at home. All usual obligations like seeing family are banned, all social gatherings of more than two people (who aren’t in your household) are illegal in the UK. This has left a lot of people with perhaps too much time on their hands. This is the world Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released into.  And was this necessarily a bad thing? I don’t know. Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released into a world where most people feel isolated, depressed and trapped in their homes, desperate for at least some form of escape. This is leading to an overall sense of misery, as each day the death toll rises and we hear of more deaths and illnesses in our communities. This is something which Animal Crossing is good for: your mental health. Due to its nature, the game set out a timetable which the player must comply with to make the most of the game. For example, some shops are only open at specific times while there are only certain bugs and fish that you can only catch at defined times. All tasks in Animal Crossing are achievable, and a great deal of the new features make the island customizable. This can be very comforting for someone who has lost control of large aspects of their life. 

Animal Crossing can even fulfill the need for social interaction - even if you live alone. Every day one of my chores I give to myself when I switch on my game is talk to Goldie and Audie - my current favourite villagers. While they cannot talk to me in depth about the current state of UK affairs, or how Elsa is a lesbian vampire stereotype, they do talk to me about events currently occurring in-game. Most of the time these interactions are positive and I feel better afterwards. Additionally, via the game I can host a few of my friends in my little digital village. One of my closest friends and I spent this morning swapping roses and pansies and windflowers in-game whilst talking over the phone about my cat. It wasn’t the same as having her in the same room, but she got to see my in-game house and commented on my egg-cellent decor, and I went to her museum and excitedly yelled about amber.  Another benefit is that it can be a good distraction for children. While some jobs are non-essential, they haven’t stopped. Some people are still working, and even having meetings via Zoom. The game is simple enough with plenty happening that a child could quite easily get invested in the game. I will note at the moment this is speculation, as my usual test subjects for such things are staying safe quarantining with their Dad (my brother). However, Animal Crossing is not ideal for everyone in lockdown. You can literally spend all day playing this game, and that is not healthy for you physically. While most don’t have the luxury anymore of going outside for more than a brief run or walk, there are some exercises which don’t require loads of space or effort to set up, such as yoga. By playing all day you’re not doing any exercise, simply lounging around staring at a screen.  Another downside to playing all day is that if you’re the type (cough like me cough) who is always saying they need time to do stuff, and now have bountiful time to do stuff, having a game that is a literal time sink is sort of counterproductive. You are wasting time you could be using to learn a new skill or write a book, etc. Alternatively, if you are working from home, but your work is irregular, you might miss important emails because you're too wrapped up trying to catch a fish.  Another issue is that due to the times certain fish and bugs appear, it could disrupt your sleep cycle. Certain critters only appear after 9 pm and before 4 am. With no structure in place, or responsibilities the next morning this could be detrimental to some players who may try to stay up all night trying to catch certain bugs and fish. Obviously, it is important that people need to maintain as much of their normal schedule as possible (so as not to have a shock at the end of this lockdown).  Additionally, after playing the game without stopping for several hours, you can leave the game feeling empty. Whether this is the sharp sudden return to a reality where you can't go outside and see your friends, or to a world where you don’t have as much control, I am unsure. It could even be a painful realisation that you should have spent these hours doing something more productive. I am not sure what precisely this feeling is, but that emptiness when I turn off my Switch is sobering and actually the start of some of the lowest points of the lockdown for me so far.  All in all, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a good game if the current lockdown and state of the world has left you depressed and helpless. However, like all good things, use self-regulation and common sense. While the game can substitute some issues, it is not a catch all cure. You may be trying to do work during the lockdown, or remain productive, or you still have a normal schedule but you still want to play. In these cases, I would either recommend scheduling it in smaller bites, or at times where you would usually not be working. If Animal Crossing has helped you in the last three weeks then I am glad for you, but if you’re finding it’s not and you’re still stressed, depressed or anxious, I would recommend trying out counselling, or telephoning or dm-ing your friends. We all need to get through this together and I have faith in us that we will.  Read the full article

[deyensee]

Soul: Searching...

So, I’ve just come back from a weekend road trip. 908 miles, 3 days, 1 night camping. Up the (beautiful) Oregon Coast and down through central Oregon. In short order, here is what I learned: - The world is a big place. It is much bigger than our life and all of its problems. It is easy to get tunnel-visioned on all of these seemingly large things in life that dominate our view. Traveling literally helped me to get a new perspective on my life and my problems and the bigger picture of it all. - There is tremendous value in going or doing something alone, especially if you need the time to process and mull and consider, especially especially if your daily life allows little of that precious time. Make more time to pray and remember and consider and think, especially if big problems in your life need a lot of consideration to grasp the whole of. - Gas is cheapest in Oregon in Crescent, Oregon. 2.59 per gallon! Dang! Sadly, the things I really gained from this trip can’t exactly be bullet-pointed, so here is my trip in long-order. (Warning: VERY LONG -  but filled with spiritual insight)      I have (had) been feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. The Rock was continual suffering and the Hard Place was being selfish and unloving and running away from it all. Neither of them felt like the right solution, or at least not in the way I was handling either of them.      The last weekend before my trip, I decided I just needed a lot of time on my own, in companionship and communication with God throughout it. Letting my thoughts wander to my stresses and concerns and hurts and bringing them to God, heart-brokenly asking for help and guidance. He was there, and he did provide the help I needed.       On the last day of my trip, I figured I needed to take a big picture view of the past 10 months and try to make sense of it from a Heavenly Perspective. Considering what God was doing and how He was working and what He was trying to achieve. Writing is typically the best way for me to bring a lot of ideas into focus at once, so here Is what I wrote, with some additions for clarity      “I was in a good, growing spot with God. My idol of relationships that I have built throughout my life was in full view of God, and he decided to have a go at it. I was chasing God and saw another who seemed to be doing the same, and so started pursuing her alongside God. As my pursuit of her grew, my pursuit of Him lessened as I was being whispered to that the longing in my heart would be better fulfilled by her. With no hint of ill-intent or any desire to leave God’s side, I slowly grew more and more enraptured by this relationship, with ample encouragement from friends and family, and less and less in love with God. it was a relationship of selfish-enjoyment. She was and is great, and I was becoming close with her family, with some struggles here and there. I was chasing my desire for acceptance and love in Humans, which, if granted, would have contented me for this life.      I was then wholesale rejected by her family; I was cut-out. My closeness with her was destroyed and I am now distant from their family, by their desire. I hurt from that. I had huge dreams of love and relationship and family and beauty that had been subtly planted in my head by the relationship and her family and those close to me and my own longings. Images of the man I could be and the life I could have. None of those images or dreams excluded God, but God was not the focus, My life was. I wanted my reward in this life.      As the reality of their rejection slowly and continually settled in; first as rejection as a boyfriend, then rejection as an adopted member of their family, then rejection as a close friend, then rejection even to the point of simply being good friends, all while not understanding why I was being rejected, I struggled. Each one of those dreams or hopes that was ripped away was like a stab in my heart. I struggled with deep frustration because of the seemingly contradictory actions from others who claimed love as their highest pursuit. I struggled with confusion over whether their actions gave me the right to be spiteful and run away from them outright - and whether that would be the loving and Godly response (hint: it’s not).      When your deepest desire is to be Loved and Accepted and you face rejection mixed with obfuscation and hypocrisy and selfishness (I am in no way claiming to be above those things myself), alongside loneliness, with no human whom you can reach out to for support while also truly understanding the situation and being wise enough to counsel you in it, what do you do?      Do you continue trying to fulfill your desires to love and be loved and be close with them even though every rejection is ripping you apart? Do you love them in an impersonal way somehow, without being bitter? Run away from them entirely because it just hurts so much? Be depressed and mope and give up on life because you have been affirmed yet again that you aren’t good enough to be loved by someone without obligation? Be so furious and hateful that you see red and proclaim their injustices to them and the world, though they wouldn’t listen anyways, then cut all ties with them because You have been Hurt by Them? Do you seek to be loving and be Godly even though it is actually like dipping your heart in acid every time you are around them? What does love even look like in that situation? Are you even strong enough to love like that? Or, do you just give in to the never-ending, ever-present, anxious whispers of hurt and pain and injustice at the cost of everything you have tried to stand for and everything you believe?      Or, do you instead seek to try to understand what God is purposing with all of this, in order to comply with his direction and move with his command and learn from his discipline?      I went through many of these questions in some form. I tried to be loving in the face of rejection and found only deep hurt. I was depressed and gave up on life for a while because I was affirmed, yet again, that I am not enough. The thought of cutting all ties out of hurt and abandoning everyone there crossed my mind so many times that I’d lost count. Most of the time, I tried understanding what God was doing in all of this but received scarcely a reply. I couldn’t tell what I needed to do or how to move forward without it just being wrong. All the while, those never ending whispers of pain and hurt and bitterness whispered to me in my quiet moments, when I wasn’t forcing myself to distraction; when I lie down to sleep but instead only stayed awake for hours in anxious tension until falling into troubled dreams.      So, here seemed to be the root of all of this:      My heart wants love and acceptance and seeks it from people because I have a hard time accepting it from God.      But, here is the reality of all of this:      God brought me to all of this pain intentionally. It wasn’t like he was completely surprised by this turn of events. No, he orchestrated and planned every bit of it. Then did he do it out of malice and evil glee? No. Read the Bible if you want to understand God’s heart.      He showed me that the more I seek and hope for satisfaction in humans and come to expect it from them, the more I hurt from disappointment and pain and the worse I make the situation, as sin is wont to do. No Man (or woman) Can Satisfy Me. It is a lie to believe that I will be completely and finally fulfilled and happy if I find the right person. Maybe I will be happy for a while, maybe even for a lifetime, but likely not for long and certainly not at the end of this life.     Here is the reality. God loves me so much that he will hurt me in the deepest, most excruciating way that I know to be hurt, for my own good. He will bring me to the very precipice of my deepest desires then violently rip them from me, with tears in His eyes as I weep in agony, because I have a health condition that will kill me called Misplaced Desires and he has graciously set himself to healing me at any cost to himself or me. He will lovingly rip me apart and suffer the heartbreak of a Father having to amputate His child’s legs from the boulder that crushed them so He can save his child’s life and so they can spend eternity together in joy. He is loving enough to see me through every step of my painful treatment as both my Father and my Doctor. That is his role. He loves me enough not to stop, even though it breaks his heart to see his child in agony.      “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, How will he not also, along with Jesus, graciously give us all things?”      “All things” is not defined as “All Materially Beneficial Things”. It is defined as “Anything that ensures that my human son, David, will live with me for eternity, because that is the best thing I can give.” This graciously includes my own suffering and heartbreak and hurt, because it all leads to healing.      So, I am not healed of my heart problem, yet, I think. I may not ever be till my death. But, God loves me enough to see me through it, at any cost. He has already paid the highest cost, that of his own Son’s life, what else wouldn’t he give to keep me? And because he has set me as his son and patient, I will undeservedly reap the reward at the end of this life. (John 17:3). And the one thing that will offset, and completely overshadow, the excruciating pain of the treatment is knowing that I am so Loved now, and that my Reward is coming. I will dwell in the house of Yahweh all the days of my life, I will gaze upon the beauty of the one who truly loves me, and I will inquire in his temple.      God Himself is the point of Heaven. Having and Knowing God Himself is the point of Jesus on the Cross and of every ounce of suffering, both to unbelievers, being subjected in hope of their hearts opening to him, and in believers, being transformed into the same image of Jesus, from one degree of glory to another. Knowing of his love empowers me to embrace the suffering and even share the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to others who are in dire need of hope for treatment from their terminal illness. Delighting in the beautiful person of God is the purpose of every created human, and is what He is offering.       So, this is all more or less what I learned on my journey.      God loves me enough to hurt me. I love him for that, and desire to grow in knowledge of his goodness even more.      I can love the Rock and avoid the Hard Place by finding forgiveness to replace my bitterness and acknowledging that God has set me on a treatment plan and has plotted a course for my life that does not have me in certain relationships at this time. My Guide and Lover and the One I trust has direction for me, and I accept that and can embrace the state of relationships that He has set.      There is one more thing I realized. It is how to forgive. God uses everything for the good of his children, both the “good” things in life and the “bad” things in life (such as others acting in ways that hurt you, physically or emotionally). Those people might have had ill intent in their heart, or maybe they didn’t. However, what they set out to hurt you with, or what you have been hurt by, God is using for good. My landlord who strangled me and forced a drastic change in my life, God used to reunite me with Himself and bring about good change. Can I in good conscience hold that against my landlord?? Sure, my body was injured but God used even that for Good. This rejection by the ones I sought acceptance from, how can I hold it against them when I know that God is using it for my good, as an act of love? (Gen: 50:20, Rom 8:28) Forgiveness isn’t only only in knowing that “they will get what they’ve got coming to them”, in fact, I don’t truly think that is forgiveness at all. It also isn’t only in knowing that any harm done here should be forgiven because this flesh is temporary and that better is coming, or in light of what we have been graciously forgiven for (Eph. 4:32). Those can be motivating reasons to forgive - but truly, how can you be mad at someone who did something with evil intent (at the worst) that turned out, by God’s hand, for your good?      Perhaps I will think differently in the future regarding this, but it makes a lasting sort of sense. Forgiveness is easy when you have benefited from the wrong (or perceived wrong), which, for an adopted son or daughter of the King and Creator of the Universe, is every wrong. And every right or good thing is only given to reveal more of the goodness of God’s person within that gift. God is the gift.

[postpartumsupportkoram]

My Story

It's been months, and I've been looking for the right words to express myself. To express what I've been through since I've become a mother. It's proving to be nearly impossible to put it on paper. It isn't a story that needs to be told, but it's a story I want to tell. 

If you're a close family member, or friend you may already know that I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years. On and off I have been depressed since the age of thirteen. At the age of fifteen I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. As I encountered more events throughout my life I developed Severe Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and was told that I am what they call a Catastrophic thinker {Someone who always assumes the worst}. I feared most every day activities. I feared people, social encounters, large crowds, school, making friends, picking out the proper outfit, driving, pumping gas, and a variety of other things that many people just do naturally. 

It took a lot of time for me to let people in. Luckily for my significant other he came into my life early in the game before I experienced many of these emotions. We had been friends prior to my diagnoses. Later in time we became a couple. I was still very anxious about our relationship, and what would make me the "perfect girlfriend". I always wanted to be the best I could be for the people around me. Especially him. The first year flew, and before we knew it we were engaged and expecting a baby. 

Once we were expecting a baby I changed, immediately. I hadn't realized it then, but looking back I know now how quickly that responsibility changed me. My anxiety was at its all time high. My pregnancy was a breeze physically, but really took my emotions to another level. I worried about the baby's growth, I worried about my growth, I worried about our health, I worried about the child's future, If I could afford the needs, the wants. I worried about school, college, jobs. Not for me, but for the baby. I jumped so far ahead I didn't know what I had myself into. Everything turned into an anxiety. My pregnancy itself was a trigger. No one really knew this, because no one ever asked about me. They asked about the baby.

So many people told me not to wish my time away. To enjoy my pregnancy, to embrace it. I don't think they realized that pregnancy just isn't for everyone. It wasn't for me. Those nine months, although stressful and exhausting - they flew! The time, it went by so quickly.

After fourteen hours of labor, ten minutes of pushing and a hell of a lot of pain medication I had one sweet eight pound, eight ounce baby laying on my chest. It didn't feel real. It was a complete blur, and honestly it still is. I remember she wasn't crying, I remember my immediate panic because the moment she entered the world she didn't make a peep. She was silent, and I was scared. Although reassured that she was fine I still felt anxious. In the moment I should've been feeling joy, and affection I was anxious. Maybe then I should've known I was slowly encountering the world of Postpartum Depression, but I didn't. I didn't know, and that's the hardest part.

She was beautiful. I'm not being bias, she was completely stunning. Her complexion was so clear, and her hair was so dark, and so thick, and such bright eyes. The visitors came, and I was still so out of it I don't really remember. It didn't really hit me until the next morning that I wasn't a daughter, a sister and a friend anymore.. I was a mother now. There I was, twenty one years old and holding my daughter. It came pretty natural for the most part. She was pleasant, she nursed OK, and she was gaining weight. Everything passed in the hospital and we got to go home right on time. I may have seemed happy at the time, but I was so fearful. I had to leave the hospital and be a mom all by myself. No over night stays with nurses, and doctors. No meals delivered on time. No maid to clean up behind me, and no one to watch the baby at night if I just needed that extra ten minutes of sleep. In that moment, I got to bring my family home.. but I didn't see it that way. I felt like I was sent off on my own. "Here's your baby. You're on your own now." Thats all I could think. It's on you. Any faults, and failures, its on you now.

We arrived home and things ran pretty smoothly. Living with my significant others parents was a great help for a first time mom. I was appreciative of the help they offered, but felt constant guilt for accepting it. In those three months we lived with family I was in fear that the extra help I was getting made me a bad mom. If you're a mom you know what I'm talking about when I say "mom guilt." I questioned if I should accept the help, if I should spend more time with my daughter, if I was doing the right thing. I was constantly questioning myself. The first day it really hit me that I wasn't just feeling the baby blues my little one was a little over three weeks old. She was waking for a feeding. I was nursing at the time, but I dreaded every moment. At the end of every feeding I would count those three hours down like it was the last ones I had left of the day. I dreaded putting her to the breast, especially considering it didn't come easy to myself & my baby - We did need a little help, and we did struggle with nursing. Knowing I didn't want to feed my child I felt concerned. I called my public health nurse and had explained to her what I was feeling, and that I had been a little more sad than usual. She advised me to see my family Doctor. 

My daughter was a little over a month old by the time I had gotten to see the doctor. I repeated to him what I had said to the public health nurse and he was sure to diagnose me with PPD -{Postpartum Depression} It didn't seem like such a big deal at the time. "Oh well, I'm sadder than I should be." However, It was so much more than just sadness.

I continued to nurse my daughter for about a week after finding out I had PPD. I was so down about nursing her, and I just couldn't find it in me to keep it up. Some might say I took the easy way out by choosing formula. Believe me. It wasn't the easy way out. It took me about a half hour pondering in Shoppers Drug Mart what formula I should buy. My significant other threw out some suggestions, but I shot those down because I wanted to make that decision. I don't feel differently towards a mother regarding the way she chooses to feed her child but in that moment I was beating myself up. Am I a good mom? Did I do the right thing? Will she still be healthy? Will people think I'm lazy? Will people think I'm a bad mom? I'm a bad mom. I did the wrong thing. I can't make the right choices. Those are some of the things that crossed my mind on the regular. I didn't feel comfortable, or happy enough to nurse but I didn't feel like a good mom by choosing formula either. Some of those emotions are some of that mom guilt I mentioned earlier, but for me it had a lot to do with PPD. {Side note ~ however you have chosen, or choose to feed your child whether it be breast milk, pumping, or formula know that you are making the right choice and you are a good mom.}

That was just the beginning. When my little one was about three months old we moved into our own house. I was a stay at home mom, which may be a dream for some women but not for me. I missed working. I missed it so much. I'll skip over that, and all the lame details about me personally.. 

My daughter was a quiet, content, sweet little girl. She slept OK, and when she woke she didn't cry.. but one day, she did. She cried. It was so unusual for me to hear her cry, and it really bothered me. Instantly I was overwhelmed, and frustrated. I wanted the crying to stop immediately. I brushed it off. Nothing serious, just something new I wasn't common with. Then she started teething, but she was a good baby. She still slept, she just chewed on everything.. but she was sooky. Every tooth meant she wanted me, more and more. I hated it. I hated being wanted. If she wanted my attention she learned that whining was the quickest way to get it. The minute she whined, I did.. I picked her up because I didn't want to hear it. As the days went by, she became a little more needy, and I started worrying I'd neglect her. I didn't really care if she was around or not. If someone offered to take her, even just for an hour I was all for it. The less I had to parent, the better I felt. {Pathetic right?}

One night, unsure of her age, or the date but I sat down thinking to myself.. just wondering if maybe she was better off without me. I spent countless hours wondering that. Those were the first thoughts that really, truly scared me. I didn't tell anyone, and I still haven't told anyone that. {Aside from my professional help} I went on about my days as normal, and I cared for my daughter alone during the day and with my partner at night, and on the weekends.

~ Things are about to get a lot more serious. If you find yourself becoming uncomfortable...stop reading ~ What scared me the most was one day I was putting her down for a nap and she just wouldn't settle. I was so frustrated the thought of hurting her crossed my mind. I used to think about hurting her often. Smothering her to be specific. If she wouldn't settle for a nap, if she cried in public, if she made a fit in the car, I wanted to smother her. First I figured all moms probably think "If you don't shut up I'm gonna kill you." You know..like some awful figure of speech. Then those thoughts were frequent, they only came when I was alone with the baby.. but I was alone with her a lot. As a month passed by I noticed that not only did I feel this way when I was alone, but when I was with others. Others who were helping. Even if she wasn't settling for someone else.. I wanted her to just shut up. The PPD trumped my regular depression, and it went right pass my anxiety. I never felt bad about wanting to hurt her, I never felt any sort of guilt..I just felt frustrated all the time. I started raising my voice at her. I raised my voice at this child, who didn't know anything about the world. My daughter. I yelled at her to be quiet, to stop it, to shut up, and I'll admit I swore at her. Some days I thought maybe the neighbors will hear me and someone will just come take her so I can calm down. I wasn't worried that they would hear me. I wanted them to hear me. I think the yelling was some kind of cry for help because I was so ashamed of who I had become as a mother I didn't want to admit I was failing... or what I thought was failure.

During this period of time I was surprised by my second pregnancy. Very surprised. Going through these emotions with my first was unbarelable, I questioned whether or not I could do it. Being a mother of two? Impossible. I feared every day that I would experience these triggers again. I worried the same things with my second pregnancy as I did with my first. I didn't get to enjoy that my body was giving me the gift of a child. My mind was constantly racing and it occurred to me that I really wasn't ok anymore. I finally told my significant other the extent of my depression. He thought I should mention it to my OBGYN as I was seeing them regularly with my second pregnancy. In my next appointment which was about a week later I repeated my feelings. He wasn't discouraging, rude, or hurtful. He was kind, and caring. He took a step back and he explained that this is common in many mothers but the likely hood that people come forward is usually rare. He told me it's something we would keep an eye on, better to be safe than sorry. He was right, and I felt a bit of a weight lifted.

Shortly after this I received a letter in the mail with an appointment for myself, and my family to see the pediatrician. What I thought was some sort of family check up turned into being the most intense moment of my life. The pediatrician talked with me about my emotions and my thoughts, she talked with my significant other about his opinions on the situation. It seemed like she was concerned, and she had right to be. At first it was just an appointment, a check up, but in such a quick second it turned into so much more. The PED had to take a look at my daughter, a full on body check basically. After looking her up and down and checking all things possible she looked at me and said "She is perfect. There is nothing you have done to affect her." As if I didn't already know that. Somehow when she said that it hurt. I felt so disappointed that she was looking at my child for a sign that I had physically abused her somehow. It just hurt so much that I came forward, I opened up, and I was honest about what I had been going through and that's how they approached it. 

The PED spoke with myself alone, my SO alone, and then with us together. When she spoke with me she asked me many many questions that I don't want to talk about. However, in our conversation she asked me If I felt I needed help. I told her I would be open to that option, if it's something I needed to do. She told me she felt with the extent of me feelings that maybe I should spend some time in the hospital to talk with the Doctors and go from there. I was more than willing to get help. If it would benefit myself, my family, and mostly the relationship I had with my daughter than I would do it. When the PED spoke with myself and my SO she started by telling us that I should spend some time in the hospital. Then she looked at my SO and said something I'll never forget, because it broke my heart. She looked at him and she said " We think Kendra should be admitted to the hospital, we're afraid that your daughter may end up dead." I broke down, I just couldn't comprehend what she had said. When we were alone she didn't say anything about that, she didn't specify. She didn't use the word dead. My SO wouldn't even look at me. I knew he was hurt, and afraid. It just broke me. 

My mind and my heart raced, although I had agreed to the admission in the hospital I was so fearful. I cried the entire ambulance ride, I cried myself to sleep that first night. I just couldn't stop crying. Is my SO going to leave? Is he going to run away with my child? Am I ever getting out of here? Will I get to see my daughter again? Is this going to help? What if it doesn't help? Am I crazy? These are just few of the things I kept asking myself over and over again. The first day I didn't leave my room. I just sat there in silence. I stared at a blank wall wondering how could keeping me from my daughter, isolating me in a room, a place with people I didn't know.. How could this help me? It took me hours to fall asleep that night. I was aloud to call, but I didn't have a calling card. Every time the phone rang I just hoped it was someone wanting to talk to me. To take my mind off the idea that I had been trapped in the psychiatric ward. 

By the second day I realized if I didn't get out of my bed I wasn't going to get over anything. I wasn't going to get better, and I'd probably be stuck in there forever. I finally left my room and spent some time in the activity room. I met many people. I heard many story's, but no one was going through what I was. That didn't matter though, because for the first time in a long time I felt no judgement. I felt like I could open up, tell my story and everyone was just there to listen. Believe it or not I made friends. I learnt a lot about people and even more about myself. I was rested, I was energized, I wasn't brain washed by social media, or the idea that I had to please anyone. I was feeling better. It was interesting. A week in a small space with new people, doctors and nurses, with silence and routine brought me back to my old self. My better self. Maybe even a new me. Someone I was proud of again. 

I spent a week in the psychiatric ward and the doctor let me have a weekend pass to see how I would do around my daughter under super vision. After a week of not seeing her beautiful face, I missed her so much. I didn't think I would with the emotions I had been feeling prior too. I was afraid she had forgotten me. She was nearly 8 months old, so a week is a big deal. When I seen her I cried of course, I held her and I cried. She hugged me, and kissed me.. she just kept kissing me. I heard her say "mom" for the first time and that moment was all I needed. That moment reminded me what life was all about. Being a family.

After the weekend I returned to the hospital to some great news. I was discharged. I was aloud to go home to my family under some conditions. I was medicated, so I had to make sure I took my pills regularly. {I am still on the same medication, though the prescription is a higher dose} I was referred to a therapist, a psychiatrist, and I had to be involved with Child Services. Those were very intimidating conditions but they were required. I had to sign many papers that gave permission for all these doctors and professionals to exchange information about their time with me. I feared child services the most. What were there intentions? Were they going to take my daughter from me? Were they going to watch me? Was I being babysat? But none of that was a worry after I returned from the hospital.

First returning home I wasn't aloud to have my daughter all the time. I wasn't even aloud to be alone with her. My time with her was supervised by my SO, or a family member. That was tough. I didn't really feel comfortable, but I understood. Over time I got to spend afternoons alone with her, and sometimes the entire day. As time went on I got to spend more time with her. Eventually we were back into our normal routine. I was alone with her more times than not, but this time it was different. I was happier, and I didn't have bad thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I still had bad days but that was OK. I was so content with my life, and I couldn't have been in a better place.

I couldn't have gotten through this hard time without my SO, his family, {his mother specifically}, my family, {my mother specifically}, my friends, and the professionals. To this date I still meet with a therapist, psychiatrist, and a social worker but we are a happy healthy family and both my children are in perfect condition.

I am very open about what I've been through, as I know PPD can be an extremely threatening illness to go through. I am telling my story mainly for myself, to open up, and get it all off my chest one last time. I am telling my story so others can understand the extent of PPD, to be more patient with frustrated mothers, to stop the judgement, and for other parents, mothers especially to feel comfortable to come forward if you are going through this or something similar. I am a survivor, and you can be too. It is and illness, but you can beat it. 

If you've read my story & you need someone I am here. Whether were friends, family, or even strangers I am all ears. I know what it feels like to need someone, but you're fearing what they might think. There is no judgement from me, only concern and support.

[howellrichard]

11 Life-Changing Tips for Cancer Patients

Hiya Gorgeous,

I could not be more thrilled about the response so far to the Healing Cancer World Summit! Registration has been through the roof and people from all over the world are sharing their excitement. If you haven’t saved your seat yet, don’t wait another minute! This experience wouldn’t be the same without you.

Register for the FREE Healing Cancer World Summit!

When this Summit was still just an idea—before Hay House and I strategized, brainstormed and planned our butts off—I knew one thing for sure: I wanted this to be the most practical, useful event about cancer and prevention that you’ve ever attended. I knew that in order to truly support you on your healing journey, the lessons had to be chock-full of tools and advice you could put to use right away.

And while that advice could be life-changing, it couldn’t be overwhelming, fear-based or take forever to see the benefits. Because whether or not you or someone you love is currently facing a diagnosis, you’ve got enough going on in your life. I want to help you make things easier, not more complicated.

Today, I’m happy to report that that’s exactly what you can expect from the Healing Cancer World Summit. You’ll walk away from each and every incredible session with new tips to help you navigate a cancer diagnosis, feel better and more rested, reduce stress and fear, create or enhance your spiritual practice, connect more deeply with yourself and others, and so much more. I can’t wait for you to get your hands on these wonderful resources.

And when I say “I can’t wait,” I mean… I really can’t! That’s why I decided to update and bring back one of my favorite (and most popular!) posts of all time and share it with you today.

The eleven tips you’re about to read have been life-changing for me. Some of them may seem simple, but I come back to these practices whenever I need to get grounded and remind myself that living with cancer can be healthy—it can even be vibrant, abundant and filled with beauty.

Whether or not you’re living with cancer like me, these tips are universal. I know you’re going to find something (or maybe a few things!) that resonates with you.

So, let’s dive in…

During my teens and twenties, I celebrated (or avoided) Valentine’s Day. Each year had its own flavor. Heartache, romantic plans gone awry and some very sweet moments, too. But, February 14, 2003 changed that day forever. That’s the day I was diagnosed with an incurable, stage IV cancer.

Life stopped… and then transformed.

Valentine’s Day is a very spiritual celebration now. I call it my “cancerversary,” a day of deep self-love, reflection, gratitude and re-birth. It took me over a decade, post-diagnosis, to get to that sacred place. But, I’m here now and if you’re newly diagnosed, trust that you will get there, too.

For many patients, cancer is no longer a death sentence.

Really take that in. The first doctor I spoke to suggested a triple organ transplant, the second gave me 10 years to live. Thankfully, both were wrong and I didn’t listen. If you’ve been given statistical projections or an expiration date, there’s a good chance your well-meaning doctor could be wrong, too.

Once I found a better oncologist for my disease, my entire world opened up. As you may know, I have a weird slow-moving (could get aggressive one day) sarcoma. And though I’m living with cancer, I do it in a healthy, harmonious way. In fact, today I call myself a cancer thriver and I bet that no matter what your personal, medical or emotional pickle is (cancer or something else), you can be a thriver, too.

I would never say that life with cancer is easy, but it can be quite stunning and rich, even in the midst of the pain. These tips have helped me feel better and get stronger along the way. I think they’ll be useful for you or someone you love, too.

11 Tips for Healthy Living with Cancer

1. When the going gets tough, take a really deep breath.

This is the first (and most important) move you can make when the shit hits the fan. There will be endless ideas, advice, theories and even some medical bullying slung your way. Your breath is the gateway to your intuition—it will help you navigate the noise. Breathe and listen. Your breath also has the power to reduce stress (more on that below). When we’re in prolonged fight or flight mode, it’s hard to make decisions and easy to get depressed, anxious and exhausted. Breathe.

2. Find the best oncologist for your disease.

If I had listened to the first doctor, I wouldn’t be here today. Thankfully, I was willing to travel to find the best oncologist for my sarcoma. If you’re newly diagnosed (with any medical issue), I highly suggest you do the same. Your life is in their hands. Do they have experience and access to the latest research? Are they tapped into a network of colleagues who can discuss your case? Your local hospital may not cut it. My oncologist at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute understands all the current traditional treatment options for my disease. I still haven’t had any conventional treatment, but should my disease become aggressive, he’d be my first stop (but not my last).

How to find an oncologist: Start by Googling the top 10 cancer hospitals in the U.S. Also, use the resources below to explore the best oncologist for your specific cancer. In addition to these tips, network! I’ve found the best support by asking my doctor, family and friends.

National Cancer Institute’s Office of Cancer Centers

American Society of Clinical Oncology’s Cancer.Net Cancer Specific Resources

Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA)

3. Your oncologist (or other doctor) probably isn’t enough.

Build an integrative team. Integrative and functional medicine practitioners treat your whole body, not just the symptoms. How do they do that? With dietary recommendations, targeted supplements, IVs, stress management tips and other integrative therapies that improve your overall well-being, including boosting your immune system.

How to find an integrative MD: Check out the directories below. Again, network your butt off. Ask around and interview the prospective healing candidates—that’s right, they work for you.

Find a Functional Medicine Practitioner

American College for Advancement in Medicine

American Association for Naturopathic Physicians

4. Reduce inflammation. Eat plants.

In a nutshell: Embrace gorgeous greens, beans, legumes, nuts, seeds, whole grains, sea veggies, fruits and vegetables galore. Crowd out inflammatory, hormone-filled dairy and other animal products (even organic) by filling your plate with plant-strong, whole foods. And while you’re at it, dump the processed white stuff, especially sugar (it feeds cancer and other bullshit). Speaking of sugar, choose low-glycemic fruits and desserts. If you’re not interested in going full tilt vegan, make plants your main dish and think of everything else as a condiment. If you don’t ditch animal products, reduce your consumption to 2-3 times per week and avoid factory farm products at all costs. For delicious recipes, check out our recipe section at Kriscarr.com, Crazy Sexy Juice and Crazy Sexy Kitchen.

5. Juice your ass off. Not sugary juices.

Avoid store bought processed juices and choose fresh, green, healing juices that you make yourself. Organic is definitely best if you can afford it. If not, check out the Environmental Working Group’s (EWG) Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen for guidance on avoiding chemical-laden produce. Without a shadow of a doubt, my daily, low-glycemic green juice practice has allowed me to thrive in spite of my obstacles. My basic juicing rule for patients is a 3:1 ratio—three veggies to one low-glycemic fruit. You can also add lemon, as it has very little sugar. Ginger rocks too. Juices are nutrient dense, hydrating, energizing and medicinal. If you only have a blender, that’s great, too. Make green smoothies instead. Cheers!

6. Choose safe personal care and cleaning products.

The average person uses 9 personal care products per day containing about 126 chemical ingredients. But, the FDA doesn’t review or approve the majority of these products before they go to market. In addition, companies aren’t required to test their products and are allowed to leave hazardous chemicals off their labels. So, it’s no surprise that many of the chemicals found in personal care products have been linked to increased risks of cancer, infertility, birth defects, hormone disruption, etc. Babies, children, teens, adults—we’re all exposed to these chemicals on a daily basis and there’s still much we do not know about their long-term health effects. The same holds true for household cleaning products. Is your laundry detergent safe? Find out. Use the EWG’s Skin Deep Database and learn about toxic chemicals and body burden here.

7. Sedentary lifestyles are actually dangerous.

While it’s important to rest, lack of exercise actually speeds up muscle wasting, weakens your endurance and immunity, and creates more fatigue. Your body needs to move and stay strong. You’ll handle cancer treatments and other medical procedures better and recover faster when you have more muscle tone and flexibility. Did I mention proper bowel movements? Yeah… movement helps with that, too (pun intended!). Exercise also reduces inflammation and growth stimulators like estrogen, insulin and IGF-1. Studies have shown that even short bursts of exercise can have impressive results for your health. You don’t need a lot of time or fancy equipment to make a difference. But, you gotta get out of your chair and commit to some form of moderate exercise on a regular (almost daily) basis. Light weights, yoga, dance, martial arts—whatever rings your bell! Start with 10 minutes a day and see if you can work up to 30-60 minutes (do your best and always listen to your body).

8. Sleep like a champ.

A proper night’s sleep, especially between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m., will help you heal—for real. Not only will you be able to respond to treatments better, but restful sleep activates your body’s own regenerative abilities. You don’t have to enter monastic life and stick to perfect sleep hygiene, ya just need to create the conditions for more sleep on a consistent basis. Keep your room cool, block out all light, dump the coffee by noon—or switch to green tea (coffee = 140 milligrams of caffeine per serving, green tea = 25 milligrams)—peel back on the alcohol and drink it earlier with food (alcohol disrupts melatonin and blood sugar), give yourself time to wind down and set a loving intention: May I be peaceful, calm and sleepy!

The Healing Cancer World Summit starts on October 17!

REGISTER NOW!

9. Wrangle your stress.

Stress releases a cascade of hormones in your body. This is all well and good when you need to run or move out of the way quickly. But when the source of your stress is prolonged, like a cancer diagnosis that takes years or even a lifetime to manage, stress can become your number one enemy. Being diagnosed with cancer is one of the most traumatic events that can happen in anyone’s life. But, there are ways to manage the panic so it doesn’t weaken your immune system, disrupt your sleep and create more illness in your body. Meditation, hiking in the woods, pottery, yoga—anything that gets you out of your head and into your heart/body. In addition, you may need some good ole professional support. Yup, a shrink. Figure out what works for sweet you, and don’t forget a good ole massage from time to time. We hold so many issues in our precious tissues.

10. Accept where you are right now.

Unconditional acceptance is the path of the spiritual warrior. It takes courage to embrace your current situation—to be present and loving toward yourself exactly as you are. You are your reality. You are your truth. Can you change? Absolutely! But, even talking about change puts us in the future. And while there’s definitely a time for that, building a strong foundation in the now will allow you to consistently love and care for yourself. Stop for a minute. Give yourself props. Take in your good. If you’re hell bent on strategizing about all that could be better, then you must promise to give equal time to what’s amazing right now. When I was first diagnosed, my burning goal was remission. Anything else seemed like colossal failure. And, even worse—my fault. Over a decade later, I’m a master at my own advice. I accept wonderful me, cancer and all. Does that mean that I’ve given up on my health? Of course not! It means I love and respect myself no matter what.

Acceptance is different from quitting. It means that no matter what happens, you won’t abandon yourself in your time of need. And, here’s the part that contributes to your overall well-being: Acceptance allows you to rest, renew and replenish.

Life doesn’t start when “this, that or the other thing” is resolved. Life is now & it’s great! @Kris_Carr #cancer

11. Educate yourself.

Here are three powerful books that have been cancer lifelines for me:

1. Life Over Cancer by Keith Block M.D. (This is a must-read by my integrative oncologist.) 2. Anticancer Living by Lorenzo Cohen, PhD and Alison Jefferies (This book is outstanding!) 3. Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr (Yours truly—writing that book rescued my life.)

I hope you’ll give these tips a try. Remember, you don’t have to transform your life overnight. Small, manageable changes go a long way when it comes to feeling better.

You are a treasured member of my virtual family, and I love you. Keep taking care of yourself. And here’s an extra special twelfth tip…

Join me for the Healing Cancer World Summit! I partnered with my friends at Hay House to bring you this free event packed with practical tools and tips to help you face cancer—whether you’re a patient, caregiver or interested in prevention. You’ll hear from 20 of the world’s leading integrative oncologists, nutritionists, wellness experts, spiritual teachers and remarkable patients.

Register here! The Healing Cancer World Summit runs from October 17-23.

Your turn: What tips and tricks have helped you along your health journey? Share in the comments below!

Peace & thriving,

The post 11 Life-Changing Tips for Cancer Patients appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

[writtenlastminute]

Locked Down with Animal Crossing

Animal Crossing, as I said in my review, is a time sink. This usually would not be such a huge problem, as we have school, work or family keeping us to schedules where we can’t play the game all day every day. However, at the time of writing this, most of the world is locked at home. All usual obligations like seeing family are banned, all social gatherings of more than two people (who aren’t in your household) are illegal in the UK. This has left a lot of people with perhaps too much time on their hands. This is the world Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released into.  And was this necessarily a bad thing? I don’t know. Animal Crossing: New Horizons was released into a world where most people feel isolated, depressed and trapped in their homes, desperate for at least some form of escape. This is leading to an overall sense of misery, as each day the death toll rises and we hear of more deaths and illnesses in our communities. This is something which Animal Crossing is good for: your mental health. Due to its nature, the game set out a timetable which the player must comply with to make the most of the game. For example, some shops are only open at specific times while there are only certain bugs and fish that you can only catch at defined times. All tasks in Animal Crossing are achievable, and a great deal of the new features make the island customizable. This can be very comforting for someone who has lost control of large aspects of their life. 

Animal Crossing can even fulfill the need for social interaction - even if you live alone. Every day one of my chores I give to myself when I switch on my game is talk to Goldie and Audie - my current favourite villagers. While they cannot talk to me in depth about the current state of UK affairs, or how Elsa is a lesbian vampire stereotype, they do talk to me about events currently occurring in-game. Most of the time these interactions are positive and I feel better afterwards. Additionally, via the game I can host a few of my friends in my little digital village. One of my closest friends and I spent this morning swapping roses and pansies and windflowers in-game whilst talking over the phone about my cat. It wasn’t the same as having her in the same room, but she got to see my in-game house and commented on my egg-cellent decor, and I went to her museum and excitedly yelled about amber.  Another benefit is that it can be a good distraction for children. While some jobs are non-essential, they haven’t stopped. Some people are still working, and even having meetings via Zoom. The game is simple enough with plenty happening that a child could quite easily get invested in the game. I will note at the moment this is speculation, as my usual test subjects for such things are staying safe quarantining with their Dad (my brother). However, Animal Crossing is not ideal for everyone in lockdown. You can literally spend all day playing this game, and that is not healthy for you physically. While most don’t have the luxury anymore of going outside for more than a brief run or walk, there are some exercises which don’t require loads of space or effort to set up, such as yoga. By playing all day you’re not doing any exercise, simply lounging around staring at a screen.  Another downside to playing all day is that if you’re the type (cough like me cough) who is always saying they need time to do stuff, and now have bountiful time to do stuff, having a game that is a literal time sink is sort of counterproductive. You are wasting time you could be using to learn a new skill or write a book, etc. Alternatively, if you are working from home, but your work is irregular, you might miss important emails because you're too wrapped up trying to catch a fish.  Another issue is that due to the times certain fish and bugs appear, it could disrupt your sleep cycle. Certain critters only appear after 9 pm and before 4 am. With no structure in place, or responsibilities the next morning this could be detrimental to some players who may try to stay up all night trying to catch certain bugs and fish. Obviously, it is important that people need to maintain as much of their normal schedule as possible (so as not to have a shock at the end of this lockdown).  Additionally, after playing the game without stopping for several hours, you can leave the game feeling empty. Whether this is the sharp sudden return to a reality where you can't go outside and see your friends, or to a world where you don’t have as much control, I am unsure. It could even be a painful realisation that you should have spent these hours doing something more productive. I am not sure what precisely this feeling is, but that emptiness when I turn off my Switch is sobering and actually the start of some of the lowest points of the lockdown for me so far.  All in all, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a good game if the current lockdown and state of the world has left you depressed and helpless. However, like all good things, use self-regulation and common sense. While the game can substitute some issues, it is not a catch all cure. You may be trying to do work during the lockdown, or remain productive, or you still have a normal schedule but you still want to play. In these cases, I would either recommend scheduling it in smaller bites, or at times where you would usually not be working. If Animal Crossing has helped you in the last three weeks then I am glad for you, but if you’re finding it’s not and you’re still stressed, depressed or anxious, I would recommend trying out counselling, or telephoning or dm-ing your friends. We all need to get through this together and I have faith in us that we will.  Read the full article