#so yes. you can have the sad songs about inferiority or whatever

[thawthebeez]

GIRL GET OUT OF MY HEAD

thinking about oikawa☹️

[rafescoke]

hiiiii!!

Can I please request a rafe x reader based on that song need to know by doja cat.

Basically the reader heard rumors about the rafe’s and he’s past with his ex. Basically all saying how he was a 10/10 on bed. The reader is furious but sad and quickly confronts the rafe. You can choose the ending. Smut or fluff ending!!

Also pls post the rafe x reader, jj fic with the 19 chapters plsssss!!!! I beg you!

Need To Know ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

#Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: The reader confronts Rafe about his past

Warnings: Straight smut, hella angst, substance, swearing, Rafe being a total dick

A/N: this one shot’s too long but i hope you will love it. i poured all my love into this however this isn’t my best work and im sorry!! 

p.s, i’m always open for requests <3

“Hey! thanks for coming,” Topper smiled, hugging Rafe’s side before kissing (Y/N)’s cheeks. He ushered them both to the middle of the ongoing party, to the centre where all of Rafe’s friends were hanging out. 

(Y/N) is never a fan of parties, especially the ones that she will have to tug on Rafe’s collars for them to finally enjoy the night alone. However, she passed up the chance of watching netflix with her partner tonight to go to Topper’s birthday party, since, it was, well, Topper’s celebration. 

If it had not been for Topper, she wouldn’t even bat an eye to this party, especially when she knows the amount of girls silently crushing on her boyfriend of 6 months now. Rafe’s incredibly handsome, with his hair messily parted and his blue eyes shining everytime they’re exposed to the glowing sunlight of Obx. . .  (Y/N) couldn’t justify why he would even choose her. 

“What are you thinking?” Rafe playfully groaned, pulling his girlfriend’s waist near him. His fingers played with the hem of her dress, giggling when she hissed, swatting his hands away. “Seriously. You’ve been quiet since we got out of the car.”

“I just don’t like the attention’s you’re getting tonight,” she sighed, rolling her eyes when Rafe poked her, an amused expression plastered on his face. “I shouldn’t have told you that. Now you’re this proud prick.”

Rafe laughed, throwing his head back, his hands still around her waist. She waited for him to regain his posture before kissing his cheeks. 

“Go and find Topper. I know you want to kiss him.”

“Not as much as I want to kiss you,” Rafe replied, laughing again when (Y/N) stuck her tongue out at him before walking away to go and get some drinks for herself. In truth, Rafe doesn’t understand why she would feel so inferior towards other girls; she’s simply the most beautiful girl he’ve ever laid his eyes on. No one can ever compare to (Y/N), and that’s for sure.

(Y/N) muttered a thanks when someone handed her a beer, standing on her toes to search for her friends. When she couldn’t see any of them, she began making her way towards Rafe and Topper. She decided that instead of waiting alone in the resting area of the club while everybody else is socialising, she would rather listen to whatever Rafe and his friends were conversing, knowing that somehow she’ll find something interesting in the discussion.

That was when she bumped into a figure, causing the person to drop the drink they were holding onto her front dress. (Y/N) groaned, not liking how she was already ruining the branded new dress she bought with Rafe. The smell of strong alcohol wafted into her nostrils, causing her to scrunch her nose.

“Watch where you’re going,” the person said, and  (Y/N) rolled her eyes before finally leaving the scene, not wanting to stir any unnecessary drama. She knows it will always end up dirty and Rafe will have to calm her down in the car. 

(Y/N) pushed her way through the swarm of sweaty bodies as the dress reeked with alcohol clung onto her body, and she momentarily regretted her choice of wearing a skin tight short sequin dress to a club where dropping drinks on someone is just something that is bound to happen.

She sighed when she finally reached the bathroom, quickly washing her stains with the cheap toilet paper. It left some white bits on her dress when she finally removed them, and she groaned again before washing the fabric under the running water. Her day was going totally bad, and she dreamed of the night she could’ve spent with Rafe if only Topper wasn’t born on yesterday’s date 19 years ago. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” a loud voice shrieked, followed by group of shrill laughs. “God, I really wish I’m still with him.”

(Y/N) raised her brows at the familiar voice, but thought none of it. Topper wouldn’t invite Rafe’s ex, he knows what she did to him. There was no way she was allowed to be in the private part of the club, unless someone had brought her as their plus one. 

(Y/N) shook her head at the thought, trying to focus on the stains that seemed to be making everything hard for her.

“He has this habit of running his fingers through his hair when he’s receiving head,” the voice continued, and  (Y/N) stopped in her tracks.

That’s exactly Rafe. Whoever the voice was, she was talking about Rafe. Rafe has this habit of running his long fingers through his hair while he’s whimpering, and it always drives (Y/N) crazy. 

She thought nothing of it, thinking about the possibility of another guy doing the same thing. It’s a common thing anyways; she wasn’t going to pull the crazy jealous girlfriend card that night.

She turned to pull another tissue paper, her ears still intently listening to the group of friends who seemed to not mind receiving any attention from their bold topic. 

“Now he’s with that (Y/L/N) girl. I honestly don’t get why he would be with her. Oh and-” the voice squealed, “Do you know that Rafe called me when they were talking?” 

What?

“What?” her friends asked in disbelief, and  (Y/N) didn’t move a muscle. She pressed her back against the tiled walls, listening close. Her heartbeat beat faster, and she could feel her head getting lighter.

“Yes! It was like, the first month they started getting close? He told me he couldn’t get over me and that he tried everything including finding me in her.”

(Y/N) felt the walls closing in, and quickly got to her feet to splash some water onto her face. She felt like dying right then and right there, but she knew she had to at least hear more to, now identified, Rafe’s ex girlfriend.

“He drove to my house and we just talked, you know. . . and then he told me something, and I refused. He got mad, I guess, and we fought like always, and he left me to be with that girl until today. Kinda sucks to be her, you know? Like the second choice kind of thing?” she continued, an amused tone lacing in her voice.

At that point,  (Y/N) had heard enough. She walked towards the exit as fast as her heels could take her, not stopping to stay goodbye to her now approaching friends. She could feel her hot tears crashing down, but she didn’t feel like crying in the club and having random strangers coming up to her to soothe her down.

When the night breeze hit her square on the face as she finaly exited the suffocating club, she let out the hardest cry ever as she tried to find any available taxis through her tears. There were none, seeing that it was only 9 p.m. and people had just starting to arrive, so she decided to walk to nowhere until she finds any yellow vehicle.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” a voice called out from behind her, and she turned when a hand pulled her shoulder. “What the fuck? Are you okay? Where’s Rafe?”

“Kelce, I’m not feeling good. I just want to go home, okay? Please, oh my god. I can’t do this right now,” she cried, covering her eyes with her palm. Kelce pulled her into a side hug, allowing her tears on his new t-shirt. When she finally soothed down, he tried to find an answer in her face again.

“What happened?”

“I can’t tell you now, I just-” she took a deep breath, “I just can’t. Can you um, call a Uber for me, please? My phone’s with Rafe.”

“What? Why would your phone-” he sighed, taking out his own phone. “Borrow my phone. It’s safer this way. Call a Uber, get home, and don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

(Y/N) nodded, kissing Kelce’s cheeks before ordering a Uber, waiting by the sidewalk impatiently. She was scared Rafe would come out to look for her, and she didn’t feel like talking to him. 

She felt like shooting him in his ribs until he’s begging for her to stop. 

When she got home, her fingers trembling and her dress now ruined, she stripped out of her clothes and got under her covers. Her mother tried asking her about why she had come home earlier than expected with a running mascara and a smudged lipstick, but decided to let it pass when she didn’t answer, knowing that something has indeed happened. 

She felt like screaming. She had trusted him so much, and he was even the first guy to take her virginity. Now she felt disgusted, thinking about how she had allowed herself to the sweet words he had given her before.

She couldn’t ignore the memory of the night she first experienced sex with him, and the whole sweet care he had provided after.

It was Friday the 13th, and Rafe decided it will be a good night to watch some type of a horror movie.  (Y/N) agreed, being a fan of horror, but until one point, she was bored with the super-slow plot and boring characters. 

She played with Rafe’s fingers, intertwining them with hers, before she got an idea midway of the female character’s scream that echoed throughout her bedroom. 

“Rafe,” she said, and Rafe hummed in response. His eyes were fixated to the screen, not paying any attention to her. She whined, “Rafe. . .”

“Yeah?” He finally looked down to her, and laughed when he saw the face she gave him. “What the hell is wrong with you? The best part’s coming up. Watch it, the guy’s going to- fuck.”

(Y/N) had slipped her hand into his basketball shorts, teasing the outline of his v-line. Rafe’s breath shuddered, and he grabbed her hands before things escalate.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He grunted.

“I just wanna try something,” she replied innocently, and Rafe swore he felt like his heart stopping right then and right there. She was that sweet girl, and he has never saw this side of her.

“Can I?” she asked, and with a tiny nod, she continued her movements as Rafe’s eyes stayed glued on the television screen, though his mind was already on cloud nine. 

She was so good, and Rafe couldn’t explain the feeling inside of him when he watched her palmed him, her mouth slightly open and her hair falling down to her shoulders. Rafe felt like attacking every inch of her, wanting to give anything that she desired. 

“Stop,” he said, closing his eyes. “Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum from just your hands.”

“I want you to,” she said, and Rafe cursed. He liked, scratch that, he loved and is obsessed with the way she did anything to him, with her innocent eyes and her teasing smile. He felt like fucking her numb every single time she purposely brushed her hands against his buldge in the restaurant or bumping her bottoms against him when playing golf.

And when she would deny her actions, god, he felt like giving his all to her until she couldn’t walk.

“Rafe,” she said again, with that gint in her eyes. She leaned onto him, and he shievered when he felt her lips brushing with his earlobes. 

“I want you to fuck me.”

Rafe groaned, not wanting to look her in the eyes, afraid that he would do things he will regret the next morning. He felt her fingers around his chin, forcing him to look at her. 

“Please.”

“You told me you wanted to wait,” he said softly.

“I’m done waiting,” she had said, and that was enough for Rafe to crash his lips against her soft ones, pushing her lightly to her queen sized bed. He felt her hands playing with the hem of his shorts, and being an impatience fuck like his dad, he guided her hands to his already hard penis, craving for her touch.

“Fuck,” he groaned, closing his eyes to the euphoric feeling starting to form in the pit of his stomach. His fingers fumbled with her shorts, trying to untie the waistband, and grunted when he couldn’t gues the knot.

(Y/N) giggled, untying the ribbon, sliding her shorts to the edge of her bed as Rafe waited with his eyes staring at her hands eagerly, like a prey waiting to attack. 

Once her shorts were off, Rafe didn’t waste anymore time to place kisses from her stomach down to the sides of her aching core.  (Y/N) couldn’t take it anymore, after so many nights of trying to picture this exact moment in her head whilst fingering herself, pretending like it has been Rafe’s fingers instead of herself, she wanted to feel him around her so bad. 

“Please, Rafe,” she begged, looking at him with the innocent eyes again. She moaned when he inserted his fingers in her, pleasuring her the way pornstars would from the many porn videos his cousin had taught him to watch since he was 10 before.

“Oh my god,” she screamed, not able to comprehend the strange feeling in her stomach. She tried to close her legs, only for Rafe to gripped them apart tightly, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Do that again and I’ll leave you hanging.”

It was the way he had said that that left  (Y/N) all red, pushing herself against him to reach her end. She felt a sudden feeling approaching, and gripped Rafe’s wrist to tell him. 

Rafe laughed when she had came around his dingers, feeling her juice soaking up his fingers and her bedsheet.  (Y/N) sighed, still heaving from her high, making a mental note in her head to love this other side of Rafe Cameron.

“Suck,” he said, placing his two soaked fingers in front of her face and watched her as she sucked on them like a little girl who’s licking off a lollipop that her mother had bought for her. He felt like cumming just from the sight of her face.

“I want you inside me,” she had said again, and Rafe groaned to look away, not wanting to be a regret she had made the next morning. He looked at her again when she sat on his lap, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Please?” she whispered, and before he knew it, she licked his ear to the the side of his lip before placing a soft peck on his lips.

Rafe has never removed his basketball shorts as fast as he did that night, not even when he had felt an animal crawling in his pants in the pet shop when he was 8 that resulted Sarah into having a laughing fit when they found out that a hamster had gotten into his pants.

He positioned himself in front of her slit, waiting for any new demands for him to stop now that she had changed her mind. But there was nothing, only  (Y/N) demanding for him, and without wasting any more time, he slowly slided into her, strecthing her hole.

He grunted when she felt her closing in, knowing that if she kept doing that, he’ll finish straight away.  (Y/N) screamed as he fucked her with a quick pace, causing him to quickly pull her head close to him to whisper into her ear.

“Shut up, princess. Don’t want mummy and daddy to wake up, do we?”

(Y/N) shook her head, wanting to reach her end soon. She moaned against her mattress, smelling Rafe’s scent from it, and liking the way he would whimper when he hit her g-spot.

“I’m so close, baby, fuck-” he cursed, his pace getting sloppier. His fingers with his cold rings intertwined with hers as he slammed into her for good measure, and pulling out to aim on her face as she tried to regain her breath.

(Y/N)  felt a shot of hot load landing on her face as she finally looked up to him, his sweaty chest heaving from the ungodly practice they just did. Rafe groaned, feeling himself getting hard again from the sight of her with his load all over her, and quickly turned away to grab a clean towel to clean her up.

That night, with a soft lullaby playing from  (Y/N)’s record player that Rafe had bought for her in Italy, he ran his fingers through her hair as she snuggled close, watching the moonlight brightened the ocean.

Rafe sighed, now wrapping his arms around her, forcing himself to not touch her breast in any way. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you had pictured in your mind.”

“Are you kidding?” she turned to face him, “God, Rafe. That’s exactly how I wanted it with you.”

Rafe chuckled and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “God. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Riing! Riing!

(Y/N) wiped her tears with her fingers before pressing on the green button, bringing the phone to her ears when she saw Topper’s name. She decided that he deserved an explanation after she had ran off from his birthday party.

“Tops?”

“Hey, baby, you didn’t pick up my call. I have to use Topper’s phone but, um-”  (Y/N) heard the crowd sang happy birthday, “But um, are you okay? Kelce told me you were crying and I-”

“I’m fine. You should sing happy birthday to Topper.”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” he said to a voice in the background, and tried to talk to her again. “What is it, baby? The line’s kinda shitty here. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay. I know you’re not. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“It’s nothing, Rafe. Go and enjoy yourself.”

“God,  (Y/N), don’t pull this shit on me,” he sighed, and she waited until the background noise lessen. “Okay, I’m at the smoking area. Can you please tell me what happened?”

“You used me.”

“I’m - what?” he asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I heard her talking about how you drove to see her and you told her that you tried finding her in me,” she finaly confessed, her voice breaking. A tear slowly rolled down her red cheeks and she quickly wiped them away.

“Baby, it’s not how it sounds like.”

“Then what is it?” she yelled, clutching onto Kelce’s phone like it was her life support. “Fuck, Rafe, I gave you my everything.”

“Baby, I swear, it’s just-”  

(Y/N) waited for him to finish his sentence, and sucked in a breath when she heard the voice that had caused her this misery.

“Rafe! What are you doing here?”

“Fuck,  (Y/N), I’ll come by to your house, okay? Please, don’t do anything stupid, I’m coming back home-”

(Y/N) pressed the end call, letting go of the breath she was holding before finally throwing her head back against the pillow. 

#Part 2

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[notasupernaturalblog]

The monster you created

I read @fandomite‘s awesome post about why Jinx and her being a villain, so I’m adding my two cents.

The entire time Jinx is walking to the launch point, and as she's firing the torpedo we hear the soft violin and The Monster You Created. It's not a badass song showing us how badass she is for going to kill all those people, it's sad.

Jinx isn’t an evil character, she’s a tragic one.

I’m constantly amazed by Arcane’s soundtrack and choice of music because it fits perfectly with the story, but this final scene is by far my favourite, and the song gives me the shivers every time I watch it!

Looking at Jinx like a terrorist and a villain is a really one-dimensional view of Arcane in general — yes what she did is horrible (but also consider: this is an imaginary story, it's stupid in itself to assign real life moral judgment on fictional characters but I digress), but i thought the show did a pretty good job of showing us all the little things that lead to this point — if even one thing was different we probably wouldn’t be here. The entire final scene was a result of a bunch of dominos that kept falling on one another way back from before the first episode. But that's the entire point: Arcane (at least the first season) is a tragedy! This was all completely avoidable, except it wasn't. Because the circumstances were like they were, and because Piltover's treatment of Zaun was as it was.

Jinx isn’t just a character in Arcane — this final scene isn't just a culmination of all her issues that she's letting out in a destructive blaze after losing everyone she cares about, but also a culmination of the Piltover-Zaun issues that have been brewing for a long time now. Most of the things that led Jinx on this path are directly or indirectly related to Topsiders’ treatment of Zaun: her childhood, Silco's fight with Vander and his death and by extension Vi's anger at her, the entire way she grew up with Silco — Piltover and their easy life while leaving Zaun people to rot are a constant presence in her life.

This was a war waiting to happen. Vander and Grayson have managed to keep some semblance of peace for a while, but after they’re gone you can see it starts crumbling — Silco’s approach is different and isn’t only focused on keeping the peace, and Marcus in Grayson’s place is obviously starting to crack as time goes on.

In all of that you have one inconsequential little girl, who grew up in the Lanes, who had serious inferiority and abandonment issues among everything else...which in itself doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. But couple that with everything that happened to her, and the way she grew up, living with the world where she lived and living by its rules of only looking out for yourself — there was no way she could’ve grown up “normal”. In this world where everyone only looks out for their own well-being, where could she even get the help she needed?). Silco, as much as he did care about her and helped her, still pushed some of her problems further, albeit not on purpose.

And this inconsequential little girl happens to be very good with explosives and destruction, and she's really intelligent, so she manages to crack hextech on her own. I don’t know if she would do anything on her own with this, i don't know what part of killing the council was her idea and what was Silco's. We don’t know if Jinx at this point in time would do what she did at the end. Maybe. But also maybe not.

But then comes Vi, and then comes Caitlyn, and Jinx feels like Vi doesn’t accept who she is now, like Vi's betrayed her for Topside, and the bridge fight with Ekko happens.

When she wakes up, her eyes are pink and shimmer's changed her. I saw a lot of people saying that the tea party scene was Jinx finally accepting who she is and Vi not understanding but i feel like people forget that this is shortly after whatever Singed did? Jinx with pink eyes doesn’t seem stable. If anything it looks like shimmer only made her more unhinged and also gave her the power, which is never a good combination.

And you see while Vi's convincing her that they could go together that she's wavering. This isn’t planned, everything she does during that tea party is completely unplanned and reactionary to everything around her. Jinx isn’t in control of herself for the majority of this scene. And then Silco dies and that pushes her over the edge.

Who does she blame for her entire life going to hell? For everyone around her dying? Who was indirectly responsible for near everything that went wrong in her life? And Who's out there enjoying their lives and their richness without ever sparing a second thought to Zaun?

Well now they'll know. We'll show them.

Jinx isn't the monster Vi created.

She's the monster Piltover created.

[tsukki-rising]

~wrapped up in you~

pairing: tsukishima x reader fluff

word count: 2,160

summary: one day tsukki follows you on spotify and starts to listen to the same music you do and might get a little obsessed with listening along with you

a/n: jngbrnfj this is my first work, pls be nice and i hope you enjoy

- ok ok so you're kind of friends with yams and tsukkishima and you walk home together a lot - there isn't much conversation for the most part with tsukki listening to his music and yams being a drained lil introvert at the end of long school days and volleyball practice, but you don't mind the quiet walk and actually listen to your own music too - now tsukki, who has been expertly hiding his feelings for you, being the beanpole that he is can see right over your shoulder and look at what you're listening to and after seeing the name and cover of one of your spotify playlists, he finds your account using that - this simp oh my god he follows you and you can't tell it's him because he doesn't use his real name and you're just like "whatever" - now his favorite thing to do at any given time is to check out what you're listening to and listen along with you - now sometimes you do try to initiate a conversation with tsukki even though he is pretty scary, yes even though you're friends with the boy you still get nervous and flustered around the guy cause he's just that pretty scary looking - one day you ask him what he's listening to,,, - he can't say that he listens to what you listen to because it's pretty far from his personal taste (though the lines are blurring between yours and his tastes at this point) - but he still wants to say something that he knows you'd like so he opts to say that he's listening to the soundtrack of one of your favorite movies and acts surprised when you tell him you love the movie and proceed to have a whole conversation about it with him - he is absolutely melting inside with you being so excited to talk about it and rambling about your favorite scenes and songs on the track - but on the outside, he's still big bad tsukki so he just nods along and acts mildly disinterested - sometimes he'll just be studying and hit a roadblock or get bored so he goes to spotify and checks what you're listening to so he can listen to it too and it's like you're listening together - oh my god like that one soulmate au - anyways,,, December rolls around and all of a sudden everyone is talking about their spotify wrapped - tsukki is slightly embarrassed - your music is ruling over his top songs and top artists - the whole time he's tapping through it he feels kinda pathetic for liking you this much and still having not done a single thing about it but also makes him so soft when he's reminded of each cute song and just imagining listening to them with you - he treasures his wrapped and relistens to all the same songs you do as you get your wrapped playlist too - but then... - but then he walks into practice the next day and everyone is talking about their wrapped playlists, showing off their top songs they start to compare and compete to see who has the best wrapped - tanaka, suga, noya, hinata, kageyama, and yams are the ones that get the most excited over the little competition and they are determined to get to the bottom of whose wrapped is the best - you're there at the practice with yachi to help plan new designs for some posters, the team included you both in the competition but since your taste was so different they ruled your wrapped out for the sake of time - tsukki is so nervous - he doesn't want to walk right over to you because he's still keeping his feelings hidden but if he goes to the team they might try to pull him into their shenanigans and he can't have them knowing that he listens to the exact same music you do - he's just kind of standing there uncertain until noya sees him and yells "hey!! tsukkishima, you're always listening to music when we try to talk you into extra practice you better have good a taste, get over here and show us your wrapped" - normally tsukki would have a quick response, tell them that their game is a stupid waste of time but he's been caught off guard - the poor boy actually stutters for a second, eyes darting around the gym like he'll find an excuse - after a moment he finds his composure and sighs, looking to noya and just saying "no" - Suga pauses his argument with hinata to look to tsukki "come on, team bonding" though clearly he has the same motivation as everyone else in the completion, to win and assert superiority over the others - tsukki begins to decline once more before tanaka interrupts "no, no suga let him keep it to himself, his taste is probably too elevated for our inferior brains anyway" he says sarcastically - but as tsukki rolls his eyes and sighs, relieved that he's off the hook, tanaka turns to the rest of the group and gives a wink -"but since you're not busy tsukki could you get the balls for us?" tanaka adds - typically tsukki would put up the biggest fuss before he would do any work that he doesn't have to but today he's happy for the escape to the storage closet - as tsukki starts walking, tanaka turns to the competing group and gets close to yamaguchi so he can whisper "yamaguchi, whats his spotify wrapped look like?" - yams, the shy boy he is panics at the intensity of tanaka's question putting all the focus on him "wh-what?" - tanaka is determined to find his answer so he presses "come one, you're his best friend you have to know" - "oh, oh yeah," yamaguchi realises he could check tsukki's spotify account since he follows him - when yams pulls up the playlist he has to take a second to double and triple check that he's got the right playlist because he swaers this is the same one you showed to everyone just minutes ago - tanaka gets impatient and moves behind yamaguchi to get a good view at what he seems to be so confused about but finds himself just as confused - soon the whole group looks to check out the results but they just don't know how to react and kinda just sit there sharing looks of confusion - except for hinata - hinata is just like 'oh my god that's such a cool coincidence!' and as he sees tsukki returning from the storage room he brings it up without a second thought - "tsukkishima you and Ivy have the exact same taste in music that's so cool!"... - tsukki's heart stops - you definitely heard that - everyone in the gym definitely heard that - its times like these when tsukki's aloof mask comes in handy and with everyone looking at him, he deadpans "good music is good music", shrugs, and moves on - now you, you are confused, you weren't really listening to the boys before hinata's little outburst so you didn't understand what they were talking about and continued you conversation with yachi, making a mental note to ask tsukki about it when you walked home together because he seemed pretty bothered and always loved to complain about his loud teammates - and so, practice moves on as /mostly usual/ - aside from the perplexed looks at tsukkishima of course but he just cuts them off with a glare of his own - at the end of practice as you wait for your two friends outside the gym you listen to your playlist and think back to the times you remember listening to each one on repeat and thinking about a certain #11 - yams exits the gym first (tsukki taking a minute to find some composure to walk next to you the whole way home) - you decide to ask yams about the incident at the beginning of practice since he was right in the middle of it - "yamaguchi, did your little group ever decide who had the best wrapped?" you ask to prompt him to talk about it - he suddenly gets nervous, but you don't think much of it, tadashi's always nervous - he just tells you that they couldn't come to a conclusion and you don't press him any further, seeing his discomfort. so the two of you just wait for tsukkishima - before the tall boy can join you though, Yamaguchi joins the group of boys just leaving the gym to hang out at the coach's store. its weird, yams never ditches you - when the middle blocker does come out he talks even less than usual. normally he'd at least say hi and entertain some kind of small conversation before pulling his headphones over his ears but today he's already got them on and gives you a nod in greeting - with this you're kind of sad, you just love talking to your boys on the walk home after a long day, you decide just to tune in to your own music for the way home since clearly, no one wants to talk to you - and tsukki notices, of course tsukki notices - he sees what playlist you tune into and slyly pulls it up on his own phone so he can listen along - he definitely listens to a lot more sappy love songs than he used to, he definitely wouldn't listen along if he wasn't picturing you every time - he's never been so close to you though while listening along and it makes him feel like such a lovesick puppy - as one love song fades into another he can't stand the distance between you. walking right next to each other but still an arms-length too far apart - he begins to softly hum along with the new song playing, looking up at the sunset clouds with his hands in his pockets - you start to hear a tone in the song you've never noticed before in all the times you've listened to it - you take your earbud out of your ear and look at tsukki and find him humming, looking at the clouds like he's lost in the song like he's dreaming - he looks so calm, so gentle - you begin to hum along - he notices but he's too nervous to look back at you, still clinging to his composure. he knows that if he looked into your eyes now, there's no way he could hold back all the love he has for you from coming out of his mouth in an awkward confession - so he keeps humming along, looking at the clouds - you keep humming too, looking at him - but you reach your hand out to take his out of his pocket - he still doesn't look but he lets you lock your fingers around his and stroke his thumb with yours - as the last lines of the song come, you sing them out loud, wanting to convey how you feel - wanting to let him know that every time you listened to this song, he was the one you thought of - he finally looks at you once the song is over and on instinct you assume he'll be annoyed and ready an apology and excuse in your mind - but when you see his face, his eyes are wet with growing tears - you stop your walking and put your hand that isn't holding his on his face, your brows contort with your face into a worried expression. you squeeze his hand as you realise you'd do anything to see that calm expression again that he was wearing just a minute ago - "tsukki- tsukki whats wrong" - upon seeing you focussed on him, being so close, the feel of your hands. he can't hold it in anymore - he gently chokes out something between a laugh and a sob with a slowly growing smile - he puts his free hand over yours that is holding his face and finally confesses "i just love you. i just love you so much" - the next moment he wishes he could have captured your face on camera as it morphs from concern to match his, smiling and teary eyed - though it would be a disservice to you to compare your smile to his - it takes you a moment to find the words but you tell him "i love you too" - the words don't feel like enough, you love him, you've loved him for so long and its crashing over your heart like a wave now. every time he insulted your intelligence but still helped you study as soon as you asked, everytime he remembered all the little details like your favorite things to get from the sakanoshita store - and now looking at him there was such tension, both of you had so much to say but no words - so you kissed him under the golden sky and hoped that it would make up for the words lost in the haze of love over your mind - and he kissed back, hoping to make up for all the words he should've said sooner

[disasterbialert]

So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

[thecomposerofstories]

Disney Does NOT Know how to Feminist, for the Most Part.

I like Moana and Judy Hopps, they’re pretty good relatively-new female Disney characters, but the rest, I don’t like. It’s all, “I’m a woman, I have to save you scum-bag men because you can’t do A N Y T H I N G, hear me roar, society is trash, watch me twirl a stick.” And believe me that trope is getting kinda old kinda quickly.

People think Disney Princesses are nothing more than Damsels in Distress, and I don’t know where tf that rumour came from but I don’t like it.

Snow White gets some of the worst rap for it, and that’s not fair. I think she’s got more courage than Bo Peep and Mulan (2020, the 1998 version is an amazing role model for kids in my opinion, the 2020 version is a bitch) put together.

Snow White had to be a slave to the Evil Queen, who made her dress in rags and clean non-stop. And she still manages to go through all of that “With a Smile and a Song”.

And when she thinks her Step Mother is being kind to her, letting her wear a clean dress and letting her pick flowers and be free from chores for at least just an hour, but it turns out that she had been tricked, and that the Huntsman was supposed to kill her. But because of her kindness, the Huntsman couldn’t bring himself to kill her.

So Snow ran away, scared, and with good reason to be. The Queen will have her guts pulled out if she ever saw her again. Yet when Snow is in the forest with the woodland creatures, she apologizes for crying and asks to start over, to re-introduce herself. That’s brave, if you ask me. and she didn’t have to wear pants or wield a stick either. People forget that there are two kinds of bravery, physical fighting, (Like all female characters seem to do these days) and mental fighting, smiling even though your cared out of your mind. Keeping your head high when things are dreary, finding the good in a sea of bad.

As a girl, I’m tired of all this talk that a girl can’t wear a dress and be a bad-ass. Bo, to me, was a good character because she balanced out the other female characters, there was variety. Bo was sweet natured and girly, yes, but she was also wise and insightful and had way more depth than the new Bo. Alright, time to turn this conversation onto Toy Story 4, because I’m mad at it.

When people say, “Oh I can’t believe Woody left with Bo! What a bad decision!” they don’t say that like he never met her, they say it because Bo’s an arsehole. Woody left his family, and though we could argue that Bo is family, too, she isn’t a very nice part. she called Woody an accessory, acted rather rude towards him, and abandoned him twice because he was doing the right thing, yet she makes him apologize for it.  Like girl you dumped him and left him in your cardboard box and your acting like Woody ate your last jelly bean. What did he do to deserve being treated so harshly? I don’t get it. since when is it illegal to show affection towards someone you love?

The way I see it, Feminism in Disney is just taking female characters and making them a Gaston. Y’know, very butch, very masculine, the favorite of the town and everyone loves him because, well, he’s the town’s favorite son. Taking a girl and stripping her of her femininity and replacing it with a stick.

Honestly, I’m not even mad. I just wish they did more with Bo. I have this Toy Story 4 Concept Art Book, and it was just filled with better iteration's of what she could’ve been, and it’s disappointing. I mean in one drawing she had a pencil for a leg and a missing eye and to me that’s a big missed opportunity. Instead they went with just a blue jumpsuit. Yet everyone made crazy versions of what she should look like, and then they went for the boringest decision.

And on one full page, it’s just about what Bo’s hands should look in front of her cape, and other crazy things. Like who even cares? I’d rather have a compelling character with a slight wardrobe malfunction than what we got any day.

It just makes me sad what they did to a good character like Bo. I like that she was girly, I liked that she was flirty, since when are those aspects in a woman bad? I don’t even care what her outfit looks like. Wearing pants doesn’t mean you ‘Wear the pants’, and wearing a skirt doesn’t make you inferior, literally regardless of gender.

Let. Girls. Be. Girls. And that doesn’t just mean being ‘girly’, it can mean anything. Being a girl is whatever you want it to be. Being you, whoever you are, girl, boy, both, or neither, is whoever you want to be. Just as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, anyway.

And not all men are scumbags. Most of my friends are dudes, and they’re coolest dudes I’ve ever met. And not all girls like to swing sticks and wear pants, Y’know. Not all girls are rebellious and smack-talking and bossy.

I also hate what they did to Dolly and Trixie. Dolly was spunky and cute, but now she’s just down-right psychotic. Like she legit tried to murder Forky in Forky asks a Question just because he was verbal-stimming. 

And Trixie’s no better. She yells at Forky for something he didn’t even do on purpose. He accidentally broke her laptop, but like the poor guy didn’t even mean to. And the laptop isn’t even hers it’s not like she paid for it, she shouldn’t even be angry.

Not gonna lie, if someone broke my laptop I’d be pissed, but I certainly wouldn’t act the way Trixie did.

Give characters a variety of personalities. Don’t make any gender inferior. And stop making I out like all men are trash, please.

I don’t even mind strong female characters, I love them, I love seeing fan-arts of Bo on here, and I don’t give a crap that others like her, it’s none of my business what characters they like. I just wish we had more variety, though. Less brawn, more brains. Less bossy, more kind. Less screaming “You won’t listen to me! I’m always right!”, and more listening to others opinions.

And give them obstacles, too. Just because a character is female doesn’t mean you can’t give them something to make them grow. People want to see a character strive for greatness, no matter what. Not just whack ‘em with a stick and be done with it, we want the character to change throughout the story, regardless of gender. A story just about a character effortlessly kicking ass, and never coming to harm or learning anything isn’t very entertaining, nor does it tech the kids watching anything. Especially when kids are the age were they copy everything they see on television.

I just hope Disney figures that out in time.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE PROM

You guys. Remember when just last week week I LOLed at my mom when I told her I had finally watched the lesbian holiday movie (The Happiest Season) and she thought I meant The Prom and I told her (and then you, dear readers!) that it would take me forever to hate watch that. WELL I JUST HATE WATCHED THAT. There is a lot to discuss, you guys. ALSO WIGS.

We begin in “New York City” or the CGI hellscape replication of it. Nothing about this movie is authentic except for maybe NY1′s theater reporter, Frank Dilella at the opening of a fake musical called “Eleanor! The Eleanor Roosevelt Musical!” which is meant to be a hilarious joke (it is not) starring Meryl Streep as Eleanor and James Corden as FDR and JOKE IS ON THEM AND US because why are they in this terrible movie and why the hell am I watching it? Oh right: THE WIGS. YOU GUYS THE WIGS. Meryl, who is truly slumming more in this than any other actor in this garbage also has to endure the very worst wig. SHE DID HAVE AN EVEN WORSE WIG IN MARY POPPINS RETURNS. But here this wig is so very much a bad wig that I struggled for a while wondering if this was going to be a wig within the narrative but no. Sadly, it looks like a castoff from some QVC Liza Minnelli wig collection.

AND EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE DRESSED IN A QVC LIZA MINNELLI NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION GHOSTMARE (Liza should probably trademark that tho). I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY SEQUINS OUTSIDE OF DAVID GEST’S GUEST HOUSE. Also, after the fake Eleanor musical opens, Meryl and James retire to “Sardis” or the CGI version of it where they discover that their show got (gasp!) bad reviews. EVERYONE LEAVES IMMEDIATELY except Meryl, James, Andrew Rannells who is another actor/bartender and NICOLE KIDMAN.

SHE IS ALSO WEARING SEQUINS AND HAS A BAD WIG. But we are talking about Nicole Kidman, so the chances of her wearing a bad wig are 110%. I couldn’t honestly tell you what her role is in this other than “another Broadway actress”(?) Her wig is likely the same one that Joanna Lumley wore for 10 seasons as Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous which has in the last decade or so been slowly decaying in a crawlspace somewhere only to reappear on the head of Nicole Kidman in the role of “another Broadway actress” in this movie. Anyway, all these washed up randos decide they need to stop acting and start activist-ing and pin all their hopes on a lesbian in Indiana who wanted to go to the prom and got the whole prom shut down due to smallmindedness. They travel to Indiana in a non-equity Godspell touring bus during which time my husband asked me who designs bus seats and truly: that is a question more profound and interesting than anything you will find in this “film.” But I do have many questions! If these actors have all been on Broadway and Meryl’s character has a few Tonys even, why do they need to bus it to Indiana?!?!

Anyway, over in “Indiana” (all places are actually LA or a set or a CGI hellscape), there is a big community meeting or something which is still all about not having a prom, because the only damn thing that matters in this community is THE PROM. The NYC actors show up and turn the meeting into a musical extravaganza with Meryl and her tragic wig center stage. More questions!! As a theater piece, it would make sense for this whole meeting to suddenly become a musical performance complete with spotlight entrances and sparkle curtains because it is already all fantasy. Ryan Murphy has no interest in creating a more realistic presentation in this new medium and just lets that happen here too? Sure - I guess the actors could have just arrived with all stage cues and crews to make this happen (LOLOL NO THEY COULDN’T) and this is honestly exactly why most stage to screen adaptations rarely work (though to be very fair - I had just about as much interest in seeing this on stage as on TV - negative 1000%). All realism, logic, quality, are not at all what this “movie” is aiming for. JUST SEQUINS! CONSTANT GODDAMNED SEQUINS! 

It should be noted that Kerry Washington plays the conservative PTA mom at the center of canceling prom and bitch got away with the very best wig! Also the big spoiler here is that her daughter is the secret lesbian love of the lesbian she is trying to stop from going to the prom! GASP! Kerry also made really terrible career choices this year between this and Little Fires Everywhere which also involves secret lesbians. 

Also those lesbians have a love song that looks like this - aka that one scene in the loathsome La La Land which was itself completely derivative. There are many (many!) derivative scenes in this movie - a later one on a staircase with Nicole Kidman is a clear nod to that one staircase scene in All That Jazz (RIP ANN REINKING!) This was all done intentionally for us theater nerds but also all the movies it ripped off I also hated so? NO THANK YOU THE PROM. ALSO THE MAIN LESBIAN’S GRANDMOTHER IS PLAYED BY MARY KAY PLACE AND I LOVE MARY KAY PLACE FYI. 

Anyway! The NYC actors start their very ill-advised get-back-the-Prom campaign at......CGI monster truck rally wherein Andrew Rannells wears THIS GODDAMNED COAT. Trying to find any logic or realism in this movie is about as foolhardy as being Andrew Rannells wearing this coat and singing a musical theater song at a CGI monster truck rally in “Indiana.” 

Also! Keegan Michael Key is in this (WHO I LOVE ALWAYS) as the liberal principal who is trying to make prom happen. He also is a HUGE MUSICAL THEATER FAN though that doesn’t actually translate to being gay - it translates to him being obsessed with Meryl Streep who is his favorite stage actress. Sure! It all turns into Keegan Michael Key being a love interest with Meryl Streep which I DID NOT SEE COMING but I would love to watch an actual rom com with the two of them and not whatever this is? THEY HAVE A DATE AT AN APPLEBEES YOU GUYS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.

At said Applebees (or “Applebees” more accurately because I’ve never seen one that sparkles like this), Keegan has a nice ballad which I couldn’t possibly hum for you now where he sings about the escapism of THEATRE and there is a flashback to him seeing Meryl in a musical called “Swallow the Moon” which is a pretty hilarious title and the whole thing looks exactly like another Liza Minnelli fashion show - this time with maybe a circus theme? At any rate, Meryl’s flashback wig is longer and more of a fashion bob but is still very fretful. 

I would like to take this opportunity to say that although I never saw The Prom musical on Broadway, from the pictures I have seen, Beth Leavel’s wig (in the same role as Meryl) is vastly superior in every way, despite the fact that stage wigs are allowed to be different/inferior as they are viewed from further away and not in bitter bitter closeup. 

Meryl looks great in close-up by the way BUT THAT WIG!!! I couldn’t find a good picture of it, but the hair part (if you can call it that?) is a dangerous ravine of mysteries none of which have anything to do with looking like real hair. MERYL HAS MORE OSCARS THAN ANYONE HOW WAS SHE GIVEN THIS WIG?! HOW!!!!!

Anyway, back to the “plot” of this movie, the PTA somehow agree to having a prom and all the kids go around prom-posaling (which is an awful horrible thing that I’m glad I was never part of) and which truly begs the question: if the kids hadn’t prom-posaled (UGH) to begin with, how did word get out that two lesbians were going and how did this prom get derailed in the first place? WHY AM I ASKING ABOUT PLOT HOLES WHEN THIS ENTIRE THING IS A PLOT HOLE?!?!?! So they have the prom, but it’s all an elaborate and cruel ruse and the real prom is at some hotel and the fake prom only for this one sad lesbian is a really depressing affair in the school gym (THIS PART OF THE MOVIE IS LEGIT HORRIBLE AND SAD). So Nicole Kidman, in the very important role of “another Broadway actress” that definitely needed to exist, decides to tell her to just “razzle dazzle ‘em” (WHICH ABSOLUTELY MEANS NOTHING IN THIS CONTEXT) in a very Fosse inspired (AND INCREDIBLY NIGHTMARE INDUCING) and also very confusing number. Also Andrew Rannells convinces a bunch of teenagers in a mall to like gay people! Mazel!

ALSO TRACEY ULLMAN IS IN THIS MOVIE AND NO ONE TOLD ME AND SHE HAS AN AWFUL WIG! So ok - James Corden, who I normally adore, plays a gay character with an American accent and in conclusion, is very miscast in this role. One of the few things Ryan Murphy has done which I actually liked was the revival of Boys in the Band (the play - I have yet to watch the movie!) And the entire cast was gay men playing gay men. Not sure why he then cast James Corden in this role because it’s not like we’re having a shortage of gay men who can sing? A friend of mine rightly pointed out that this character should have been played by Titus Burgess and VERY YES. Anyway, that’s not what happened and anyway, Tracey Ullman plays his mother who he reconnects with and I’m pretty sure the wig she wears was from her own collection from one of her past sketch shows and though I applaud wig recycling, bitch deserved better.

So yes - all these Broadway actor characters inexplicably are still in Indiana just TRYING TO MAKE THE PROM HAPPEN and Meryl, who somehow has both a celebrity ex husband and a Hamptons house (AGAIN WHY DID SHE TAKE A BUS TO INDIANA) uses both to get the main lesbian a forum on TV but she doesn’t take it and instead makes a singer-songwriter YouTube video which everyone on earth simultaneously watched!!! We are supposed to believe that this random video got 8 million views and she decides to use that leverage to make her own inclusive prom. This is a very lovely idea but again: not based in reality so Keegan is all: girl we need $$ to have a prom and somehow she doesn’t immediately make a go-fund me from all those YouTube views she got and instead all these actors throw down their credit cards to fund The Prom which is really horrifying knowing about real events which will totally make all those actors very unemployed (#2020) and YES I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS THE OPPOSITE OF REALITY BUT STILL.

In the end, ALL OF LIZA MINNELLI’S NON-HALSTON SEQUIN COLLECTION QVC FASHIONS get their own damn prom and even Kerry Washington shows up in the most outrageous sequined number after her daughter finally comes out to her and everyone dances it out and life is reaffirmed and Meryl’s wig IS STILL A PILE OF GARBAGE AS IS THIS MOVIE.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[my-darling-has-forgotten-me]

Oof... I'd feel for anyone in that situation. Thanks for the ask, and thank you for the compliment! I appreciate the support ❤️

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

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𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕒𝕤 𝕓𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕟𝕠 𝕗𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 ~

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𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 = 𝐾𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑢𝑘𝑎𝑚𝑖 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 ~

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I got inspiration for this off 'Say I Love You'

"Kou! I heard your new song! It's so good!"

"Aw really?! Thanks for the support!"

"Yeah! We heard it too! You're as awesome as always!", Gushed a group of his fangirls.

"Oh! Y/N, you can go on ahea-"

But as always, I going to class before him. Automatically walking ahead of him. It's like this everyday, he gets crowded and I'm told to go. It's so annoying....

I walk ahead and saw Ruki, he looked at me and approached me. "Where's Kou? You've been going to class on your own a lot lately", he asked as stern as ever. "He's... Busy", I said, looking behind me seeing Kou laughing and smiling at his little harem.

"So it's like that? I don't like his neglect to you much either but I suppose it's his duty as an idol to entertain his fans", deadpanned Ruki, looking at the scene also. "N-no... I find his actions reasonable, besides it's not like I'm jealous or anything..."

Ruki softened his normally stoic face. "Would you like me to talk to him later? He's your Adam, he shouldn't treat you like this", he said

"No need...", I muttered and walked away. I heard fangirls muttering and whispering about me.

"Ugh... Look at that stuck-up bitch..."

"I know, she's such a whore"

I'm not...

"She only talks to Kou whenever she wants something... She's a slutty gold digger"

Stop it...

"She completely neglects him at school, seriously I bet she forces him to sleep with her"

I don't...

"Kou could do way better than Y/N..."

I know...

I put my earphones and I keep walking to class, once I get there, I see more fangirls. Stupid bitches...

I pull out my phone and I feel a pull on my right ear.

"Hey Masokitty! Wassup?", He said cheerfully. I say nothing, I feel Kou's fangirls glaring daggers at me. "Ehhh? You changed your screensaver?! Whhhyyyy? We looked so cute together in that photo!" He whined.

"So? Am I not allowed to change my background photo? And must you be so... Over the top?", I deadpanned, I only get into trouble when Kou gives me attention in public.

"Take it easy, I was just asking... Anyway, what're you listening to?", Kou said placing the earphone into his ear.

"Hey!"

"Huh...? Everybody Wants To Rule The World again?", He asked.

"Loser...", One of the girls uttered.

"You seem off today? You doin alright?", He asked in a worried voice.

"Nothing, I just didn't get much sleep last night!"

"Maybe because I didn't let you sleep last night?~ I'm sorry! You know how I get when I'm needy~", he said putting his arm around my waist.

Jesus Christ! No need to bring it up infront if people you dumbass! I felt more glares of horror and burning hatred being stabbed into me.

"Y/N, you listen to a song on loop when you're upset, are you sure it's okay?"

"Geez, I'm on my period okay!", I hissed... God, why can't he just leave me alone in school?

"it actually ended last-"

"Can you shut the fuck up for five seconds?!"

Everyone looked at me... Kou just glared at me, well, I'm in for it tonight.

I walked into class and I just tried to forget... everything. Why did I have to say that?!

I quickly leave the class after the bell rang and I headed straight for the girls bathroom hastily. I lock myself in a stall and went on my phone, again.

"Kou would look sooo good with Megumi right?", A feminine voice sighed.

"Doesn't he already have a girlfriend? It's that Y/N girl right?"

"I hate that bitch, she told him to shut the fuck up today, the audacity"

"Seriously?- Oh hey Megumi!"

Who's Megumi? I heard she's some really famous model/idol. I listen in on their conversation.

"Hey guys! What's up?", She said enthusiastically.

"Did you hear what Y/N said to Kou today?"

"Hm? Yeah I heard about it... Poor Kou, he must feel so abused by her. Also I asked him if he wanted to do a photoshoot with me and he said yes!"

My heart sank at her words... He really said that he'd do it with her? I get an Instagram notification that Kou updated his story, I went on and it read: Doing a photoshoot with Megumi! I'm so excited! I'll put pictures on later!

I turned my phone off in defeat. I'll stay with him for the plan... Not because I'm in love with him. I'm sick of the shit he does at this point. I wait for the girls to leave, which didn't take long so I left the stall and went to wash my hands. "Hey you stupid bitch!", A voice screamed at me. I ignored it. "DONT FUCKING ANNOY ME BITCH!".

I looked at her and I felt a strong impact on my face and I felt something run down my face. I looked in the mirror and blood was spilling down. The girl and her friends took turns hitting me and they left after 5 painful minutes.

I hate this...

I walk out to the nurse's office and grabbed a large plaster for my face and walked out. Why can't this day just end? I wanna go back and go to bed.

"Masokitty...?"

"Yeah... What's up?"

"What happened to your face?"

"I..."

I saw the group of girls snickering at me.

"I fell..."

"Is that right?", He said getting serious. The way he was looking at me made me wanna crawl under a rock and die. School was over before I knew it and the car ride was silent, a very awkward silence.

"I wanna talk when we get back Masokitty... I'm not very happy on how you were acting today, it was sooo embarrassing"

Yuma pursed his lips and widened his eyes, knowing that some major tea is going to go down.

"I'm sorry for being such an embarrassment...", I said shyly, not looking him in the eyes.

Does he honestly think that he'd be the one suffering...?

"I don't think you're an embarrassment Livestock... Kou, you need to think about Eve, her happiness should be your top priority. The plan is almost finished"

"I-it's really fine, it's not like it matters to me whether I'm happy or not...", I deadpan looking out the window.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell is your problem today?! You're starting to piss me off!", Yelled Kou.

"It doesn't matter, I'll just...deal with it myself or whatever", I sighed listlessly.

"Eve... isn't...acting...like...her...normal...self...at school... you...tend...to...be....much...happier...at... home....are...you...sure...that... you're... fine....at....school?", Said Azusa, clearly worried.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me. Nothing that bad has happened", I said smiling.

"Oh, also I gotta go out later today", said Kou.

"Be back before dinner, what time are you going at?", Asked Ruki. He's such a mom sometimes.

"Uhhh... 12:00 to 15:00. Shouldn't you of all people be curious as to where I'm going Masokitty?", Hissed Kou.

"Not really no, just don't do anything dumb"

Kou ignored you for the rest of the car ride and avoided you for the rest of the night.

It was time for you to go to bed, you just went to your own room because you thought he didn't want you to sleep next to him.

It was 16:00... He should've been home by now... I checked his Instagram and...

He and Megumi made such a good couple... Comments on the post said that they should start dating, they'd make such a great couple.

What is this... Inferiority?

This crushing feeling like I'll never be good enough for Kou...

Do I only love Kou because... He's someone no one else can have? Do I see him as a trophy...?

Does he only see me as a blood bag? Something he can use for his amusement?

I turn off my phone and flop onto my bed, Jesus Christ, I wanted to cry until I eventually drown into my tears.

It feels like Kou's moving away from me... And I hate it.

Ruki POV-

"Explain this Kou", I ordered showing him an image on my phone of his going into some girls apartment. I was beyond annoyed with him for what he did.

Kou was looking at the photo in shock. "You slept with that girl didn't you?! Incase you haven't noticed, you have a girlfriend, who has seen this and questioning her worth to you"

"Ruki! I didn't sleep with her and most importantly, Y/N saw?!", He yelled. "She even said that you and Megumi made a good couple today at lunch"

Kou looked like he was about to cry.

"I knew it was weird, how she was always trying to avoid me at school. I ruined her..."

About time he came to his senses...

"She even told me that she'll stay to fulfill the plan, not for you. The stress of choosing an Adam was hard enough, but the stress of her Adam not loving her is worse"

Kou rushed off finally. Besides, I knew he'd never cheat on her. He loves her too much...

Y/N P.O.V.

I was looking outside my window and I heard running down the hall, Kou burst in with no context and rushed over to me.

I tensed up and closed my eyes, thinking that he'd yell at me but instead, he just stood infront of me helplessly crying like a child. He leant down and embraced me like I was going to disappear in seconds.

"I'm...I'm s-sorry! I was o-only thinking about m-myself!", He cried, I could barely decipher what he was saying yet I had an idea why he was being so apologetic.

Because I saw the picture of him going into Megumi's home and he wants me to keep being in his little harem.

I out one arm around him and keep a listless face, knowing him he's just trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him.

"Grow the fuck up, you're just sad because you got exposed and I'm just the most convenient to go and cry to"

He looked at me and started crying even more. "SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU AND I'D CHOOSE YOU OVER MEGUMI- NO ANY MAN OR WOMAN OUT THERE!", he yelled.

"R-Ruki told me that... You think that I no longer care about you or love you... I don't want to be around those girls, they only like me because I'm attractive and famous but you- you've seen me at my worst and most violent, yet you've still stayed with me... Thank you... Thank you so much Y/N, my precious Eve"

I hug him back and I felt like crying, however, there was still a little demon on my shoulder telling me that he was faking it.

"Kou...there's no way that I'd be good enough for someone like you"

His mood swing came and he aggressively grabbed my shoulders. "How the hell can you say that?! Jesus Christ, you're the most precious thing to me! I'd sacrifice my career for you in a heartbeat!"

I'm getting mixed feelings here, he says he loves me but he sounds like he's gonna strangle me any second. Why couldn't Yui be an option? She can be my Lilith but that's not the point.

"Stop lying to me...", I whisper, holding onto him tighter.

"I'm not... You know how much I hate lies"

"Stop lying..."

"I'm not", he said softly holding onto me.

I start crying quietly, feeling a lot better that Kou gave me the verification that I so desperately wanted to hear, yet there was still some lingering doubt.

We skipped school to hangout and to do other stuff.

Timeskip~ Monday

"Kou! You looked so handsome in that photoshoot!"

"Thanks! But I don't have time to talk today because I need to focus on my special lady", he said politely.

"It's been awhile since we both went to class together", I said. I was in much better spirits because he was with me.

I guess being around with Kou in public isn't that bad.

IDGAF if I made mistakes, just deal with it because I'm too lazy...

[science-lings]

OC Masterlist

Quick intros for my OCs as I’m going to write about them and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Rosalia Scarlett Dawn AKA Rose- 

My main girl, healing powers, the MCU version of her was recruited by SHIELD right after she got her first PHD after she was caught studying alien biology, takes her a while to become an actual superhero as her healing powers were hard to convert into anything that she could put on the field, with help from her anti-hero/ villain nemesis who she has had sexual tension with ever since they shared a dorm in medical school but then she became unethical and ignorant of the people around her ergo turning into a bad guy. Rose is usually good and wholesome but she has a dark destructive side that was awoken after her nemesis used her powers on her. Rose is selfless to the point of not taking care of herself because any time spent not helping people with her powers is time wasted in her eyes and she tends to take medical cases that no one else can, usually pertaining to other powered people, aliens, magic illnesses, etc. 

Roses Intro Sheet  - SHIELD & Hydra

Andromeda Starling- 

Roses endgame girlfriend, shapeshifter, in the MCU she accidentally used a Hydra spaceship to escape the planet as her parents were both scientists involved with that kind of thing. She didn’t really think it through and she ended up on a skrull refugee planet where she crash landed and had to be enhanced to save her life. She’s not good at teamwork and tends to be a loner as she’s afraid to get close to people. She hates being bossed around and work with other people. She can do most on her own just fine. She hates having to admit she needs help with something. She’s a pretty decent pilot and prefers swords over guns. If she likes someone enough to become attached, she get’s very protective and even a bit clingy but that rarely happens. 

Andromeda’s Intro Sheet - Andromeda Portrait - Simple Lesbians - B&W Portrait

Adisa Crow AKA Doctor Plague-

Roses nemesis, she was subtly jealous of Roses powers so she secretly tried to recreate them, instead the outcome gave her powers that could reverse other’s powers against them and make normal people ill. She became a virus in every sense of the word and even tech malfunctions around her. But her powers affect herself a little, making her go a little crazy over time and more willing to do fucked up things in the name of science. Yes she wears a plague doctor mask that helps her powers not affect herself. Her powers also heighten her negative feelings and only give her relief when she uses her powers on other people as it hates being restricted. She’s given up on being free of it and has embraced her role as a super-plague. It’s actually kind of sad really... 

Adisa Crow Portrait - Nemesis Tension 

Phoenix AKA Maat (Matt) Ramses-

Necromancer goth mom, grew up an orphan with the sorcerers of Kamar Taj as her parents were wakandan sorcerers who died protecting the reality and the ancient one sensed her magic potential, however she wasn’t great at the normal magic that they tried to teach her. She had to steal forbidden books about necromancy to really get a hold of her powers. She left the sorcerers and found others like her, connected to death, and she made a family. but eventually she would have to investigate her roots in wakanda and it may not be pretty. She inherited her parents relics, a gold sword with a hilt of wings and a gold helmet based on the helms of the egyptian pharaohs. Maat didn’t quite work as a vigilante, she just was drawn to people that needed her help and she literally can’t stop herself from intervening when humanity can be so terrible. Anyway she hates cops and abusers and rapists and all that and she does her best to help the people that they hurt. 

Phoenix Portrait  - Open Helmet Idea - The magic relics

Diana Schmitt-  

Trans girl mutant who can control and melt metal and glass, making her own weapons on the fly and using debris to her advantage. Her left arm and her right leg were frozen off by anti-mutant extremists and she makes herself prosthetics with her powers made of glass shards that she can use and layers of different kinds of metal with the outside being gold because she likes the aesthetic. She’s covered in scars from the torture and from her own forging projects. She loves making things and does her best to be positive and kind to other people but trauma is still trauma and superheroes aren’t known for going to therapy. She has PTSD and gets triggered by excessive cold and dark places. She has to learn to confront her pain and move beyond it, while also going to therapy and stuff. 

Diana Portrait - Pride Month Portrait - Early Intro Sheet

Guinevere Kaimana-

literally a mermaid who spent several decades under the water as a hermit and has water powers and electric eel levels of electric powers. (until she’s at her most powerful but still not more than like some thunder in a tropical storm, she can’t like summon lighting to strike people or anything.) In the MCU she’s a mutant who left after her mutation out of fear of rejection and in my fantasy version of my OC universe she’s a pirate mermaid princess. She figured out how to temporarily turn her tail into a tail shaped skirt and tattoos on her legs similar to fishnet tights. She can’t stay human for very long and when she’s human she has to be fully hydrated or she could die. She has an enemies to competitors to friends to lovers with Diana and it’s a very slow burn. 

Gwen Pride Portrait - mermay

Alexandria Iriklitis- 

Superhero therapist with a magic voice. Her singing can manipulate the emotions of anyone that can hear it, even through recordings and microphones and stuff, and eventually she can use it to control objects around her through levitation and even destroying the area around her if she’s emotionally charged and loud enough (which happens when she goes temporarily deaf and thinks that she can’t responsibly use her powers anymore.) She has to be very careful with her powers as music is already made to affect peoples emotions but with her powers, any miscalculation can be destructive. Someone may have bad memories of a happy song and elevate those bad feelings. So she usually depends on non-lyrical songs and her own improvisation skills. In my fantasy OC universe she’s a magic bard that’s drawn to chaos and flirts with everyone because she’s a bard. She tries not to use her magic voice to make people do things they don’t want to do, she tries to not rely on it to get whatever she wants. 

Alex Portrait

Artemis Dawn-

Roses non-powered sister who is a SHEILD agent that struggles with living in her sisters shadow. They go through an arc of repairing their relationship and get to the point of being very close and killing for each other. Artemis specializes in sharpshooting, martial arts, and disguises. She uses makeup and clothing and wigs to completely change her appearance to a point where even the people that know her best won’t recognize her. In the fantasy AU universe she dresses up as a man to become a knight after being shamed out of her princess status. She’s a badass and deals with a major inferiority complex and has to prove that she’s just as good as her superpowered sister. When hydra takes over shield, she has to save her sister from their clutches and causes Roses first power burst that kills the hydra agents by forcing their bones to grow together to turn them into grotesque body horror statues. Fun. Artemis has a cold hard exterior but softens up around her sister and it confuses her colleagues to no end. Not many people knew she could smile outside of a role. 

Artemis Portrait

Unreleased art under the cut!

Gwen without face paint and weird colors, yes her lips are blue all the time

pride drawing for Rose

Phoenix and Diana as part of a mass drawing of my ocs that I gave up on but I liked the way they both looked in it so here it is now.

old headshot when i wanted to experiment with Roses mask

angry freckles

minor oc, i do actually think i posted it but I haven’t made enough about them to know what I want them to be besides absolutely bangin with their character design

COMMISSIONS I’VE HAD DONE OF THEM

Andromeda by tinymintywolf

Anthro Rose by scriiblesbymarti on insta i couldn’t find them on here oof

Spider-rose that I won by emkayoh

rose icon by tinymintywolf

[vgdemy]

@gallagherintro​ here we f*cking go!

⌠ olivia holt, 22, cis female, she/her ⌡

welcome to gallagher academy, victoria grace demy! originally hailing from metz, france, they were exposed to too much during the protest, and the academy is now in charge of their safe care. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (short blond hair, missoma jewelry, and white nail polish). when it’s the (cancer)’s birthday on 06/20/1997, on the bad nights they request their creamy spinach parmesan orzo from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re safe in witness protection.

here's a timeline-slash-broad strokes biography of vg's life:

vg's mother, a then 19-year-old jeanette beymer, promised her parents she'd go back home to chicago and go to college after spending the summer in france after graduating high school. she never did that. jeanette stayed and worked to support herself, all to live her parisienne dream.

jeanette met vg's father robert wise, a fellow american traveler, at a student bar in lyon, and spent one night together before parting ways. that night they made vg, unbeknownst to either of them. once jeanette realized she was pregnant, robert had already gone back to the us, and jeanette chose not to tell robert of his child. instead, she carried on with her life in france as a single mom-to-be.

this was all a bad idea, of course, considering jeannette's parents insisted she come home, and she refused, as one does. she promised them she'd make it work. not the kind to abandon their daughter, jeannette's parents offered financial support, which gave her mother naming rights—hence victoria grace.

jeanette settled in metz, where life was peaceful and worked 16-hour days to support her little family. thankfully, jeanette had friends (and an elderly, maternal landlady) who helped her raise victoria grace. somehow, jeanette made it all work.

of course, little vg would often ask her mom where her dad is, and the only thing she's ever heard is, "he's just not with our family." for the most part, that worked.

fortunately, a 25-year-old jeanette met a 27-year-old rené demy at a company party where rené was an old friend of a colleague. one thing led to another, and four years later, they were married. 

rené formally adopted vg at 16 years old. vg adored her new (and seemingly only) father. he encouraged her to pursue artistic endeavors until she found her place in music. who knew that vg was a songbird?

the warm and happy household cultivated by her parents molded her into a passionate, empathetic, and joy-loving person, even when it's to the detriment of her productivity. but such is the life of a quasi-parisienne-but-also-an-american-girl-next-door, no?

growing up, vg wasn't much of a troublemaker than a girl prioritizing the pursuit of happiness. she was everyone's friend and, often, a fleeting lover. there's no questioning that vg had love to give, and through the years, she could've won a medal running a figurative marathon in search of that someone who could keep her heart. where she thrived in performing and making people smile, she failed in monogamous relationships. terribly. how did her mom make it look so easy?

by her late teens, vg had already labeled herself a lovelorn singer, because with passion comes a dramatic personality, and the only thing keeping her from becoming a chore of a person is her self-awareness. yes, she's bad at love, driving, and basic math, but she's quick-witted, is a fast learner when the topic interests her, and can sing better than anyone within a 25-mile radius (she thinks).

vg's pursuit of happiness couldn't have stopped in france—she would've never let it happen. as much as jeannette didn't want history to repeat itself, after vg graduated, she allowed her to travel all over europe to find whatever it was she was looking for. but once again, unlike her mother, instead of her finding her true love, vg collected sad songs and credit card debt. maybe it was time for a new scene and a new continent altogether.

i'll add more to this absurd novel once i flesh out how she got to where she is now, but for the time being, she followed suit what the other wp kids did that landed them in gallagher.

other information:

she formally goes by grace, and only close friends call her vg. it's a much more fun nickname in france than it is anywhere else.

she learned how to speak english by watching american television growing up, thanks to her nbc-loving mother.

she's visited the us a handful of times over the years. she loves american fast food, and she stands by that no matter what.

her fragrance of choice is le labo another 13, but in the summer, it's lush sikkim girls. they're nearly the same scents, but still.

she's an arachnophobe, stemming from a spider leaping onto her face when she was 7 back in her mom's old apartment. she's thoroughly unimpressed by spider-man as a result.

her first kiss was with a boy named georges when she was 14, which was also the first time she realized boys could be mean because georges permanently avoided her after they kissed.

she's never had a serious, long-term relationship before (despite her fruitful attempts), which led her to develop a minor inferiority complex, which she hides well.

she's good at making fruit bongs. apple bongs, coconut bongs, pineapple bongs—you need to get creative when your friend accidentally breaks your first bong.

she's trying to kick her cigarette smoking habit because she knows it's not doing her voice any favors, but she can't quit because of its convenience. fruit bongs take time to make.

wanted connections:

honest 2 god close friends — because she needs ‘em (chaotic good gang rise up!)

blunt buddies! — because when you’re traumatized you gotta hit that blunt

tutor — i assume she needs one. don’t ask me why (would also be great for her to have someone to pester about gallagher and an enabler because she wants to sneak around and go to places where she shouldn’t, but that can be a separate connection)

enemy — why not? someone hate on vg. as a treat

unrequited crush — let me show you a concrete example of vg’s dummy thot heart by letting her have a crush on you and she gets rejected

uh i don’t want to get presumptuous with romantic relationships because she’s a new girl but if anyone wants to be vg’s affectionate friend/casual hookup/adorable booty call/genuine romantic interest i’m down like chinatown

again, more to be added when i can think of it. also, hmu at my discord: tin#0697 🤍

[alexius-fr]

Brother 

Part 1 of ?

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@jollyroger-fr @fusefr @lindwur-fr​ @slighteyewing​ @mask-fr​ @kagira-fr​ @indulg3nce-fr​

If you would like to be added to the pinglist let me know!

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Do you know what it's like to stand in someone's shadow?

It may be someone you admire or even claim to love. A mother, a mate or a brother.

It gets harder when you feel you're in everyone's shadow.

Am I useful or used?

Silas didn't know the answer. But he knew something was eating at his pride. Sanguine's barked irritations over the smallest things day after day, the knowledge his mother never cared for him, his lover that left him so long ago, never to be replaced with another.

How much could one dragon take? How much more did he have to withstand without ever being heard, being appreciated or loved? He used to shrug off Sanguine's snarky remarks. He used to be certain at least his brother would always be his closest friend. Family bonds were not easily broken, as their mother proved so well. It seemed they could not escape her legacy where ever they went.

A new dragon had arrived into the clan several days ago. She was a recently awakened ancient, a warrior of the Flamecaller, her egg preserved in the wake of a terrible tragedy, but now hatched and fully grown, a song filling her head with the glory of eras ago. Her name was Ashe, and she had intrigued Silas a great deal. They had spoken quite a lot since she arrived, and  had quickly become friends. The way she treated him as an equal and not someone inferior to her had opened his eyes to the abuse he let slide all too often. It gave him a different view of his relationship with Sanguine, who he had followed all his life, enduring the mean spirited snarking in favour of his brotherhood with him. But Ashe had insisted Silas deserved respect, too. After all, who had stood by Sanguine all this time? And she was right, Silas realized. Sanguine depended on him for a fair bit of the work that was part of running a clan, yet never a word of thanks had befallen him.

He would have loved to confront Sanguine with it, but he found a part of him scared of his reaction. His brother did not like being confronted or put in his place, so perhaps he could show him instead. Carve out his own place in the clan, a new dragon who was stronger than the one everyone knew. Silas had always been adept at magic, and Ashe taught him some of hers, the ancient power reinvigorating his own magic to a higher level. Perhaps, with it, he could be like her. Strong, unwavering and true to himself. He would never have to stand in anyone's shadow again. But the spell he wanted to cast was not without consequence or risk. He was almost done preparing for it when she found him.

“There you are, Silas. I've been looking for you, Mahlah asked if you-” Ashe fell silent when she saw the runes on the ground. Ancient runes, which she recognized all too well.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her red hide gleaming in the light of the torches. Her green markings made her face appear ghostly, her white eyes peering into his worriedly.

“I'm preparing a ritual.” Silas said, evasive.

“I can see that much. I mean what kind of ritual?” Ashe insisted.

“You know better than to ask.” Silas said, knowing she knew what this was.

“Is this really the right path forward?” Ashe asked, not dissaprovingly but her tone was intended to make him think. Silas sighed and looked at her, the emotions clear on his face.

“I can't spend the rest of my life as a lackey, Ashe. I must do something.” He sat, pausing his preparations for the moment. Ashe sat next to him, a gentle look of understanding in her eyes.

“You need change.” she said, and Silas nodded.

“But you don't think you can just change as you are?” Ashe reasoned. “You are a strong dragon, one with a keen mind and good insight. You can be your own dragon if you wished, without this.”

“You are kind to think so.” Silas smiled.

“But you don't believe it.” Ashe said, sadly. “I can tell.”

“No, I don't.” Silas admitted. He was glad for her support, but he had made up his mind. “Will you remain my friend if I go forward like this?”

“I will.” Ashe confirmed. “It is your decision. But you don't have to do this for me. I already value you as you are.” her words were tender and stirred an emotion in Silas he thought he had forgotten.

“You are my first real friend since my awakening, Silas. You ground me and show me a new reality every day. That will not change.” Ashe smiled. “Make your decision, but weigh it carefully.”

She laid the front part of her wing on his shoulder gently before she departed. “I will wait for you outside. Call if you need help.”

“Thank you.” Silas had never spoken the words so gratefully. Ashe gave a last reassuring nod before she left Silas' lair, her footsteps echoing slowly away.

Silas quietly sat for a while, his mind focused and mulling over Ashe's words. She may be right. But he knew this was the way forward for him. He needed a change. And a sense for the dramatic had always run in the family.

He crushed the herbs he'd held in his claw and cut the hide underneath with his talon, the blood mingling with the herbs. He rubbed the mixture over the runes and stood in the middle of the circle he'd drawn with said runes. Everything was prepared.

He felt the pain almost instantly as he started chanting, it shot through his bones and travelled up to his spines with a shiver. This magic was potent, unlike anything he had tried before. He kept chanting, the spell that he cobbled together with magic known and unknown, unsure if it would work at all or if it would just disfigure him for life. But it felt necessary, and the pain was cleansing, in a way. It reflected all those years of being used, of being ignored, of the pain that was lurking inside of him all along. It all came out, in heavy breaths, sobs and screams that interrupted the chanting, but never for long. He could not break the spell now, or it would devour him whole. This ancient magic was nothing to be toyed with. Even as he maintained the spell, it threatened to swallow him whole, the darkness only just kept at bay by the warding runes. Then, slowly, the darkness retreated, and Silas dared to open his eyes a little bit. He kept murmuring the chant even now that the pain receeded and the darkness had dissapeared. Had it worked?

Exhausted, he slumped to the floor, expecting his front legs to catch him. Instead two wings softened the blow a little bit, but it changed nothing about the fact he faceplanted into the dirt. With a yelp of surprise he looked at the wings in amazement, feeling them flex as he tried to move what used to be his fingers. The spell had worked. He was like her now, strong, although he did not feel it right now. The spell had cost him most of his power, and he would need to rest and recover his strenght before facing Sanguine like this.

Footsteps approached and he saw Ashe's hind claws approach, lifting his head just enough to see her smile.

“You did it.” she said, with a small note of sadness but also pride. “It'll take some-” Silas paused for breath. “-Getting used to.” he wiggled his wings and Ashe nodded in understanding.

“Sanguine-” Silas wriggled to try and get up, but Ashe hushed him.

“Can wait. You need to rest first. I will tell him you're violently ill or something. You need to recover. Magic like that could kill you.” “Yes, alright.” Silas sighed and resigned to his fate. “You're probably right, as usual.”

“Come, let me help you to your nest. I'll bring you some food and water.” Ashe said, Silas leaning heavily on her as he crawled to his newly acquired hind feet. Being a bipedaled dragon was strange and new, but he was sure he'd get used to it in time. Ashe did not seem bothered by it either, after all.

“You walk like a toridae.” Ashe joked. 

“Harsh.” Silas said, but a smile was on his face. “I've had this form for two minutes and you're already critiquing me.”

“It's what I do best.” Ashe boasted, both of them laughing as she helped him into his nest. Silas crashed almost immediately, his new body painful and worn from the magic that had assaulted it. But it was done, and he felt a sense of real pride at his accomplishment. Whatever Sanguine would make of it, Silas did not regret his choice, and he fell asleep easily, knowing Ashe watched over him.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Iruma-kun 10 - 12 | Shinchou Yuusha 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Dr Stone 22 - 24 (FINAL) | BnHA 72 - 74 | Stars Align 9 - 12 (FINAL) | No Guns Life 10 - 12 (FINAL)

Iruma-kun 10

That mascot is still around to annoy poor Kalego, huh? (LOL) I also noticed the demonstration demons have horns like oni.

Oh no! This means Azz-Azz is a prime target for Iruma!

(I was going to write something. Then I got so engrossed in the action, I forgot to…)

LOL, Sabro’s too heavy for Team A to lift!

Oh, Iruma’s hair isn’t tied anymore…

“…pruning this cactus.” – Does Eggie-sensei like plants?

Ooh, the first double-parter ever for this show, I think it is.

Shinchou Yuusha 9

Apparently ep 10 got delayed…*sigh*

LOL, thre’s product placement for a certain ice cream brand in this episode, huh?

Can we not with the boob grope???

*Rista takes care of Mash and Elulu* - Rista’s such a mom sometimes…

Stars Align 9

This one scene with Nao looks really blue…it’s almost unsettling.

Oh dear…I understand the sentiment of an inferiority complex all too well.

Dr Stone 22

Now we’re back to good ol’ science vs. survival of the fittest philosophy clash. Now, see, that’s the Dr Stone I like best!

Torricelli’s law.

Why is mica like baumkuchen? Probably because it has a lot of layers…

Wow, for WSJ – which encouraged fangirls all over the world to make yaoi/shonen ai ships – they sure tossed out the yaoi/shonen ai option real fast…

Skarn. I’ve never heard of it until now.

Magma, staring at the product of magma…LOL.

I…don’t get it. Even after watching the bit again, I don’t understand why Magma was trying to save Senku.

So…as is said for most WSJ series, the treasure was the friends we made along the way…LOL, what a way to acknowledge a trope.

Lemme guess…surprise birthday party? (Sorry, when I was reading up on Magma earlier, I saw that Magma helps with a birthday surprise for Senku and I found out what it was.)

I wonder if Rei is still up there at this point…? (Who’s Rei? You’ll find out if you read the Byakuya reboot…)

Well, “Rock Day” only works in Japanese. The language would’ve drifted over thousands of years so it shouldn’t work in the year 5731 (or whatever year Dr Stone is set).

Dr Stone 23

One episode until the end…but I’m away over Christmas, so I’ll have quite a bit to catch up on when I’m back. Update: I never did end up going away over Christmas.

Senku is much more of a trickster hero than an action hero. That’s been pretty obvious all the way through, but here it’s at its most obvious.

Oh, so Kaseki made the village bridge? Is that a correct assumption…? Update: I think the answer was yes from the manga.

How much chemistry does Gen know, anyway? Assuming he’s a humanities person because of psychology and his tricks, it must only be basic, right?

Thse intense stares…I’ve been reading JJBA: DiU lately, so I’m expecting an 80s-style “!!” to appear over someone’s head at this point, LOL.

Ooh, hardware. In fact, it looks like the inside of a computer…or, more relevant to this case, a phone.

So it’s not “rules are rules” anymore? Now Kinro’s changed his words to reflect his faith in Senku…hmm! Interesting! (Update: A quick google says Kinro is 18. Senku is about 18 (+ 3700 years). Plus, after they start dragging Ginro away, Kinro says his trademark line.)

Wouldn’t the coal smoke alert Tsukasa of the village’s location, though…? Then again, thanks to Homura and Hyouga, Tsukasa already knows their location…oops.

Rochelle salt.  

I saw that one shot of the world from the 1st OP and I thought there was meant to be a post-credits segment…LOL, nope.

Dr Stone 24 (FINAL)

The “acquisition message” basically said “We didn’t (just) need one cell phone, (so) it was useless!” Notably, it uses the counter for large items (like computers) for the phone.

Having finished the Byakuya reboot now, I wanna cry every time I hear about the guy…

Oh! The eyecatch is a record!

Basically, what records do is that they recreate sounds by using vibrations created by the grooves of the disc. Sound is a set of vibrations.

“Astronauts are science elites…” – Except maybe Lillian Weinberg…

I like Shamil out of the guys from the Soyuz the most. He’s a cross between Tsukasa and Senku. Stoic yet skeptical, a voice of reason for Byakuya’s sillier outbursts.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the shield was made with CGI, tbh.

Byakuya’s humour here is betraying the emotional capacity of the scene…it’s gone from “100% tear-inducing” to “confusing”.

Please sing Tsubasa wo Kudasai, Lillian…*crosses fingers*

I didn’t get what I wanted, but oh well. This song is good too. (I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the record player was CGI too. It’s good CGI for sure.)

LOL, Puyo Puyo! Even Sherlock Holmes! Dragon Ball, Nintendo Switch, VR, Saiyuki! It’s like a treasure trove of references!

Normally the s2 announcement comes after the credits, so I was thrown for a loop when it was announced before the ED…anyways, this is the end of the s1 coverage. See you for s2!

BnHA 72

[no notes, sorry!]

Iruma-kun 11

Robin looks like Iruma…(this vaguely annoys me.)

I noticed Keroli (sp?) is in the back left, alone…that’s kinda sad.

Sabro is hella tall…even taller than Azz-kun, and that says something.

Ah…I love Eggie-sensei. He’s so funny!

Really? I thought Sullivan wrote them (the rules).

I wanna see an episode where Eggie-sensei can’t turn into his fuzzy form and has to do familiar activities with Iruma. That, or an episode where Eggie-sensei has some human parts and some familiar ones (although that would scare some little kids, I think…)

What a Machiavellian mindset Eggie-sensei has!

Iruma’s got wine, people! Underage drinking is a no-no! (partially joking)

Good on ya, Clara! Go kick those girls to the kerb!

The butterflies are so beautiful in this show!

So basically school clubs.

Hmm…it’s almost a Fordist approach. I mean, “freeing yourself up to do other things” is basically the entire ethos of that.

NGL 10

I was reading JJBA: DiU today and Colt seriously looks like a Jojo’s character…

“Your face is just like…”

N-No way! You mean, the Victor Mary’s wanted to see all along…is the other gunhead…?! Geesh, what a plot twist!

Stars Align 10

“We all play to win.” – That’s very Maki of you, Maki.

Shinjo/Oshimi???? That must be Ryoma…! By the way, what’s up with these Itsuse twins…?

Who’s Hatanooka? Update: That’s the team with Joy in it…and those fangirls who busted Mitsue up.

F*** it…Arashi, I wanna pummel you someday.

LOL, you can sell your temmates out with chanpuru, huh, Arashi?

Did Maki suggest something subliminally…?

*Maki and Toma run around* - LOL, this play is completely unorthodox, haha. I can tell even if I’m no expert.

Shinchou Yuusha 10

We’re back after another week’s break…

Come to think of it, how do fantasy worlds have concepts of “hours”?

LOL, how convenient it was that there just happened to be a dude needing healing walking past! (partially sarcastic, partially meaning it since the circumstances foreshadowed it)

“Talent”, eh? *stares at the camera, which is showing Rista’s boobs, with disapproval*

The Demon Spirit Orb is basically a monster cell from OPM 2, isn’t it…?

If Seiya came from our world…then I’m sorry, Wolks, but whoever told you is completely and utterly wrong. *gestures at all the conflicts around the world, including political turmoil*

“Are you calling…”  

No Guns Life 11

Second-last ep!

Oh great…another yandere?(I read JJBA: DiU hardcover vol. 2 yesterday, so I’m still thinking about Yukako Yamagishi…)

There’s a convertible in the OP, though…I wonder if that will come into play later. Update: Even if it does come into play in the future, it doesn’t happen in ths cour.

Stars Align 11

It was like Joy was showing off to the camera…LOL.

Apparently, Joy’s name is a weird reading for yorokobi (happiness).

This feels like a final episode…

Hmm. I thought Yonex sponsored this. Turns out that’s a parody logo after all (or at least, here it’s a parody).

One of the Itsuse bros looks exactly like Maki, so it’s confusing…

I’m still confused as to why Shijo Minami’s shirts say nantei on them. The minami might be nan in another way of reading it, but…the shi can only be read kokorozashi otherwise and while the jou can be read many, many ways, tei isn’t one of them.

Ume = plum blossom, so that purple-pink colour really suits them.

BnHA 73

Eri’s name means, literally, “to break reason”.

This scene with the stars and the dancefloor…that’s new.

Iruma-kun 12

Sometims you forget this dork *points at Azz* is more powerful than Iruma and Clara…

You can see Clara and Iruma in the shot of Azz-kun.

The reason why I like calling Kalego “Eggie-sensei” is because he doesn’t like it! 

I love how the narrator is even aware it’s been mentioned several times Iruma can’t decline requests.

New Magic is basically science…?

Oh, it would be hilarious if this character Iruma just bumped into and he (Iruma) would be in a Battler together…but I’ve read spoilers, so I know what Iruma will join…

Is this some kind of allegory for technology…?! *eyes sparkle* Yes, I want in! Iruma! Join this club!

Even this demon’s clip is a book! Amazing!

Clara! She dab! In a pot!

Come to think of it, in the basic premise, Iruma-kun (the show) is Kenja no Mago, right? The Wise Man’s Grandson…sort of.

Shinchou Yuusha 11

Almost at the end…I’ll sorely miss this show.

Is Tiana some former version of Rista…?

How old is Seiya again…? Update: Apparently he’s 17…and if he’s the same age as he used to be in this flashback, then…kinda squicky, no?

Stars Align 12 (FINAL)

I heard this show dropped the ball and that Nao’s mother got a rant, but otherwise I don’t quite know what happens here…so let’s finish what we started. Update: Nao’s mother’s rant was in a previous episode.

Oh hey! It’s that running thing Nao and Taiyo were doing…I think. (I don’t think I’ve grasped everyone’s names, even over 12 eps, so I had to check Taiyo’s name up.)

Oh, these gremlins…*sighs happily but also exasperatedly* No wonder this show took out a top 10 position for my 2019 list.

I’m worried now…there’s always a last minute thing to ruin an episode on this show.

I always thought Ryoma’s hair was pretty nice…(small LOL). That’s just my bias for bishonen showing though.

I’m…scared now…Maki’s dad must’ve come back and the red in the sky really sold that moment…

Maki…no!!!!!!!! Aw, f***, that’s the final seconds…geesh, way to end the series. If this were a 2 cour, I’d definitely watch the next one, but since I heard through ANN that this is all we have so far, really, the only thing I can do for a passion project is hope another cour gets funded and (maybe) purchase what I can to help out. Well, that’s it, folks, skedaddle out of here until next time.

No Guns Life 12 (FINAL)

This pendant reminds me of the mana compass I saw in Fate/Zero yesterday.

I bet Danny planted those footprints…or something like that. Update: Yup, he did.

Come to think of it, is Juzo still missing his arm from last time…?

“You weren’t my client, little lady.” – There’s one of two possible options here, I think: 1) the hands guy was or 2) Danny was.

I wonder, will the hand Extended ever become his (Juzo’s) left hand? Or will he get an Extension for it?

Wow, second huge end-of-season cliffhanger! Juzo got a new buddy, it seems…anyway, see you in spring!

Cautious Hero 12 (FINAL)

If the Valkyryja (sp?) isn’t magic…what is it???

That one guy lying on the side of the fountain, looking all drunk…LOL.

Geez, you make me wanna cry, show!!!

Even the alarm clock is dejected…geez…

This is…the best conclusion of the fall season in that Seiya defeated the Demon King and the story wrapped up properly, but the worst in that Seiya died. No one died in Stars Align, even if they failed a tonne! So…I dunno. I guess it should be happy it ended optimistically…anyways, enough of my moping. See you next time.

BnHA 74

Shin Nemoto = “the truth of the origin of the sound”, if you stuck the particle no between each character.

Tintin got scary, LOL.

Lemillion, making “no capes” go out of fashion again (LOL).

Wow, talk about a clip show…! This is really one.

Check the end of the episode, don’t forget to watch the post-credits segments, people.

[atlfics]

Eighteen- All Time Low Fanfiction

A/N: This is set in their senior of high school.

“I don’t know how we haven’t talked about this yet, but your birthday is two weeks from today, dude! The big eighteen!” Alex exclaimed to Jack, his bet friend, as he started to drive them out of the school parking lot.

“Oh yeah, it is,” Jack replied in a very unenthused voice. He turned his head and started to stare out the window.

“You don’t sound very excited, man, are you not looking forward to it?” Alex asked, genuinely confused.

“No, I am, really. Let’s talk about this later, like at your house or something,” Jack requested, still looking out the window.

“Oh, um, okay, we can do that. Let’s listen to some Blink for the rest of the drive,” Alex suggested. He hit the skip button on his stereo until he finally found Jack’s favorite song on the CD that was playing. The rest of the drive was filled with silence aside from the music, Alex focused on driving, and Jack still staring out the window. Once they finally got to Alex’s house, Alex led Jack inside, and up to his room.

“Man, I’m so glad it’s Friday, I had two tests this week, and in my least favorite classes! I’m glad we planned for you to sleep over,” Alex said as he put down his backpack. After not hearing a response from Jack, Alex turned around and saw Jack sitting on his bed with a blank expression on his face. This concerned Alex, he really had no idea what could be bothering Jack so much. Alex walked over to his bed and sat down next to his best friend.

“Jack, you’re not acting like yourself, what’s up?” Alex asked, sounding as concerned as he felt.

“What? No, I’m fine,” Jack tried, a very unconvincing smile forming on his face.

“Dude, we’ve been friends for, like, five years now, I know you well enough to know that’s bullshit. Seriously man, what’s up? You’ve not been yourself ever since I brought up your birthday in the car, did that trigger something in you?” Alex continued. Jack took a deep breath before talking.

“Yes, it did, Alex,” Jack admitted.

“Really? You normally love your birthday, you always insist on having big, extravagant celebrations. Well, as big and extravagant as we can afford with our shitty, minimum wage jobs,” Alex joked.

“I know, and I still want to do that, but I’m a little nervous,” Jack admitted.

“For what? You’re officially going to be an adult!” Alex exclaimed.

“I know, I’ll be an adult in two weeks, we graduate high school in two months. Man, where the fuck did the time go?” Jack asked.

“I’m surprised to hear this from you, you’ve been ready to be out of high school since the first day of our freshman year. What’s going on in your mind, Jack?” Alex asked, hoping that Jack would just say what was bothering him so much.

“I don’t feel like I’ve lived my life to the fullest since we’ve been in high school,” Jack confessed.

“Really? We did a lot of the same things, and I certainly don’t feel that way,” Alex said back.

“Alex, our experiences weren’t as similar as you think they were. Sure, they were alike when we were together, but not so much outside of that,” Jack explained.

“That’s where I’m drawing a blank. We’re best friends, we basically do everything together,” Alex stated.

“Kind of. You’ve always had more friends than me, so you’ve always done more because of that,” Jack said back.

“What? You have plenty of friends! Everyone I’m friends with likes you!” Alex stated.

“No, they all put up with me. All of your friends are nice guys, but there’s absolutely no way they’d want to hang out with me if you weren’t there. Alex, I never really had a lot of friends, especially my own friends, like outside of you and your group. I feel like I missed out on a lot because of that,” Jack stated, looking down in embarrassment.

“I don’t think that at all! You and I have hung out so much, and have done so many fun things together, and I wouldn’t have wanted it to be any different. Is this the only thing bothering you?” Alex asked.

“Well, no. I also haven’t ever had a real girlfriend. I know you’re single now, but you dated that one girl for two whole years, and I’ve never had anything like that,” Jack explained.

“Dude, that girl ended up being batshit crazy in the last months of our relationship, I know you remember that. Whenever she’d do or say something hurtful, I always went to you. Then, you ended up helping me through our breakup. Being in a high school relationship really doesn’t live up to all of the hype that surrounds it. If I could go back and just be single all throughout high school like you were, I would. Everything would’ve been so much easier,” Alex explained.

“I understand all of that, but you still had the experience of having a girlfriend, meanwhile, I’ve never even come close to having anything like that. Even if I had a shitshow relationship, it still would’ve been an experience that I could laugh about now, like you do about your ex. Also, when we went to prom last month, you were like the center of attention on the dancefloor, and I sat at a table alone by the punch bowl,” Jack pointed out.

“Well, I certainly didn’t expect that to happen, my date apparently really liked to dance. I expected to just take pictures with her, then to spend the evening with you, doing our own thing,” Alex stated.

“I know, but that’s not what happened. Everyone seemed to have so much fun that night, and I was all alone in the corner. I’ve never told you this, but I cried when I was by myself. Being alone reminded me of how alone I’ve felt all throughout high school, aside from being with you, and really solidified that in my mind,” Jack said, his voice getting smaller.

“Jack, I had no idea, I wish I’d known that. I never knew that you felt like this, or that you cried on prom night. How come you’ve never told me about any of this?” Alex asked, growing more concerned for his friend.

“I don’t know, I guess these feelings come in waves, like only if I think about it, or if something reminds me of it. I just feel like I wasted my teenage years doing nothing. I didn’t live them to the fullest; I didn’t party very much, I didn’t even try to form other close friendships aside from you, I never fell in love. I went to prom, but I didn’t go to the after party with you and your other friends, I spent the evening alone at home. I just feel like I missed out on the key parts of being a teenager in high school. Turning eighteen scares the shit out of me, like, I’m still technically going to be a teenager, but it’s different. Just knowing that I can’t go back and have fun makes me sad, and I just regret how I spent high school. I feel like I fucked up and lived my teen years incorrectly,” Jack explained. Some tears started to form in his eyes out of frustration, and Jack did his best to quickly blink them away, feeling even more embarrassed now.

“Jack, there’s not a ‘right’ way to be a teenager, more specifically, a high schooler. I know all of the movies and TV shows seem to have it down to a formula, but that’s not real. It can be hard to see all of that and tell yourself that it’s just a show or movie, but that’s what it is. Those things expect you to feel inferior to them, they set a standard that might not be realistic for everyone, which is kind of fucked up. I’ve not done everything that’s in those movies. I think I went to one football and one basketball game over the entire time we’ve gone to school here. That’s a big deal in all of those movies and shows, but I don’t feel like I missed out by not going to them. Being at those things never felt fun to me, and I realized that they’re just not for me. I felt like I should do things like that for the same reason you’re feeling so down, and it made me upset with myself, like I was throwing away a fun opportunity. Last year, I realized that not going is what I preferred, and that’s perfectly okay. Jack, you don’t have to have a picture-perfect high school career for it to be considered right or correct,” Alex explained, putting a hand on Jack’s shoulder.

“I appreciate you saying all of that, I really do, I just wish that I tried to build more real connections with people. I know you remember I had some toxic friends our first year, and that sort of stopped me from wanting to find other friends. Like, it made trusting that other people wouldn’t do all of the same things really hard, so I never really tried to find new friends in the fear that I’d get hurt again,” Jack explained.

“I understand your frustrations about that, but it’s okay to not have a lot of close friends. I can definitely understand the loneliness that comes with it, but it’s really okay. The people here weren’t who clicked with you, that’s perfectly okay, man. We go to college in, like, five months. We’re going to the same school, and we’re going to be roommates, and we’re going to meet all new people, and we’ll make new, real, genuine friendships. It’s okay that you didn’t have a lot of close friends, we’re going to go to this new place, and you can do everything you mentioned earlier, but there!” Alex exclaimed.

“Well, I can’t really redo prom,” Jack mumbled.

“Oh, but you can. College has formal, which is basically college prom! I know turning eighteen makes all of this feel more real and scary, but it’s all totally okay. I’ve got your back, I’ll do everything I can to help college be more fun for you than high school was,” Alex promised.

“While that sounds great, I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me or watch out for me constantly. I don’t want to be a burden to you in college, like I already feel I was in high school,” Jack said, a guilty look on his face.

“Jack, you’ve never been a burden. You’re my best friend, you know I’ll do whatever I can to help you feel happy, and that’s not going to change when we get to college. I’m always going to be here for you, helping and supporting you in every way I can. You’ve always been a great friend to me, and I want to be the same for you,” Alex said, making Jack smile.

“Thank you, Alex, that all means a lot to me. I still feel like I could’ve lived a little more in high school, and I wish I hadn’t isolated myself as much, but thank you for this. I’ve always compared my experiences to movies and shows, and it’s made me feel less than. I’m glad we’ve been friends for all of these years, and that we’ll be in college together,” Jack said, making Alex smile now, too.

“You’re so welcome. Fuck those movies and shows, dude, you did things your way, and that’s what matters. I’ll do my best to help you feel less isolated when we get to college. We’re going to make the next four years our definition of perfect. Fuck what the movies about college say is right, we’re going to do it our way,” Alex stated.

“You’re the best,” Jack said as they quickly hugged each other. While Jack was still a bit nervous to officially become an adult, he was glad to have Alex by his side, and that he was willing do what he could to help Jack through anything and everything.

A/N: Hey guys, I impulsively decided to write this last night! I've felt similarly to Jack in this, but I actually wrote it for a friend who's feeling this way right now. Obviously, I altered reality some to make it work, but I like how it turned out, and hope you guys do, too. To the person I wrote this for, I hope you liked it, and that it was helpful! Thank you all for reading, please send in requests if you have them! Lots of love, Liv.

[semirahrose]

I hear some people are accusing Sam and Cas of abusing Dean to get him to do what they wanted, what do you think about that?

 My reaction: Utter befuddlement.

(gif credit: sebstans)

I haven’t seen the latest episodes, so I can’t go in and take a critical look at whatever supposedly “abusive” behaviors Sam and Cas are displaying, but I’m gonna guess—as has been the pattern for a long while now—that one or both of them vehemently expressed their disagreement with Dean’s plan, probably more than once. They were probably sad. They might have even *gasp* shown their emotions. (How very dare they) And Sam punched Dean. ** Not something I’m comfortable with, to be honest, but that’s personal and is neither here nor there.

Part of why I love Sam so much is this: as much as he can, to the very limits of his endurance, he tries to trust in people and respect their decisions. He is (despite his lack of faith in himself) slow to wrath—or at least outward expressions of wrath. He is calm, and he is faithful, sometimes even to his own detriment. (Sam has never been able to deal well with losing Dean, though. That’s a long established canon fact.)

But: 

Not being able to pretend everything is all right is not abuse. Telling a person (even repeatedly, even convincingly) that you really don’t want them to do something is not abuse. People are allowed to have emotions and reactions that do not mesh with my own. Wanting something or even needing something  and showing you need it is not abuse.

Being broken, unstable, or on uncertain footing is not abuse. Needing and seeking support is not abuse. Needing and seeking support even when the person you are seeking support from is, himself, broken and in need of support you are unable to provide is not abuse. It’s tragic, but it’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, abusive.

Hitting a person is not abuse. Here’s where it gets sticky. Hitting a person is violence. It is not a healthy response and should never be encouraged. But abuse, by its very definition, is more than violence. Abuse requires a pattern (whether of violence or of financial, emotional, and/or social control) that is enacted specifically to achieve a desired result: to put the abused person under the abuser’s control. 

(Under a cut because this gets long and no one should have to deal with my disconnected rambling unless they wish to. Analysis below of whether Sam [and Cas, to the best of my limited knowledge and ability, since he’s unfortunately not part of my hyperfocus] meet the criteria. tl;dr they don’t)

So. A pattern. And an unequal dynamic. 

A pattern?

Sam is very, very rarely violent when he is in control of his actions (i.e. not possessed or under the influence of a supernatural substance). The instances where he has initiated physical violence in all 14 seasons can be counted on one hand. It does not create any real sort of pattern. 

I could talk for a long time about how Castiel’s occasional violence does not also constitute a pattern of abuse, but though I like him, I haven’t spent as much time poring over his scenes word for word and am not sure how clear it would be, and additionally, it’s a little questionable to expect a being who has been brainwashed and molded for thousands of years to be a perfect soldier to a) understand and b) act in accordance with human relationship dynamics without a lot of trial, error, and patient explanation (which he didn’t get with any consistency from the person whose ideals he clung to when he first appeared [Dean].) I lived abroad in a country whose customs and social expectations were a bit different from my own, and I had the opportunity to do extensive research in advance. I still had pretty intense culture shock and an adjustment period. There were some things I simply couldn’t fully wrap my mind around, and some things I disagreed with. And it was only some thousands of miles of land and ocean that separated us. Arguably, it can’t even be applied to Castiel in those first seasons. Asking him to relearn in days, weeks, or even years things that have been beaten into him over millennia is… ambitious, to say the least, and something that needs to be considered in any nuanced analysis.

Then the show humanized Cas. It made him make some well-intentioned mistakes while trying to seek a leader and do what he believed to be good for his family…the family he has grown up with, again, for millennia. The show took away his powers, his memories, his sanity. But it did not change his role. Castiel’s arcs over the season have specifically emphasized his discomfort and inexperience with being perceived as a leader. When he was unstable after having taken on Sam’s overflowing trauma from his broken hell wall, he was very much not in a position of power, and… if anyone was being abusive, it wasn’t Cas.

But perhaps people are talking about emotional/psychological abuse? Again, both Cas and Sam have expressed desires and tried to explain differing positions from Dean and have been under powerful supernatural influence (the Siren, demon blood, Leviathan, etc), and have made decisions on their own without seeking Dean’s permission—and, oops, that just highlighted our second criterion.

An unequal dynamic (specifically, abuser in a position of power).

Neither Sam nor Castiel is in a position of power over Dean. Only in season 11 did Sam and Dean’s dynamic start to level out a bit. The big struggle in early seasons, the one that literally carried us to the season 5 finale, was that Dean treated Sam as a kid/subordinate, not as an equal, and Sam felt he needed to seek permission to do anything. Actual quote from “Swan Song” (and I admire this development in Dean so much, even if the later seasons dismantled it):

DEAN: The whole “up with Satan” thing. I’m on board. SAM: You’re gonna let me say yes? DEAN: No. That’s the thing. It’s not on me to let you do anything. You’re a grown – well, overgrown – man. If this is what you want, I’ll back your play. SAM: That’s the last thing I thought you’d ever say. DEAN: Might be. I’m not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is… You know, watching out for you… it’s kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it’s… it’s kinda who I am. You’re not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can’t keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don’t know if we got a snowball’s chance. But… But I do know that if anybody can do it… it’s you.

Some people will try to claim that Sam is in a position of power because he tried to go to college or because he can leave Dean and (somehow??) holds that over Dean’s head repeatedly (??????????), but if someone is in a position where, for even their own education or mental health, they’re not allowed to be apart from someone or even think about seeking something for themselves, that’s not abuse on the part of the person who seeks separation. And when Sam (young, so young), left for college, the only control he had was his own autonomy, his own two feet that brought him out that door. He was disowned for choosing to do what he needed for himself, after growing up in a family he had a hard time feeling a part of. That’s not abuse on Sam’s part. Maybe Dean did need Sam there beside him. But doing something for his own mental health and personal growth is not abuse by any stretch of the imagination. I call that courage.

The same goes for Castiel, especially considering that, despite his greater physical strength (when he was a fully-powered angel), he still tends mostly to act as if he is a subordinate or inferior, possibly from the millennia during which he was a soldier in a garrison: he was looking for a leader, a superior officer, even when he left. He found Dean.

“But what about when Sam and Cas do things behind Dean’s back??” Some people might ask. Again, I feel like (especially in the case of the Mark, where, due to its powerful influence, Dean was significantly altered and violent/controlling) if characters are so afraid to seek permission/understanding that they fear that they have to do something completely in secret… that just…. that’s not evidence that these people scurrying around in breathless terror are somehow the ones in a position of power?? Quite the opposite, I’d say. I mean, MoC!Dean literally said they weren’t a team; it was a dictatorship.

I’m sorry there are so few examples. Honestly, I could go on for hours and for pages and pages and pages, but I don’t have the time or the brainpower to make that post, so this is what I have. I’m sorry it’s not as complete as it could be or that it doesn’t include examples from s14, since I haven’t seen anything since pretty early in the season.

In short/tl;dr: Sam and Cas neither display a pattern of control nor find themselves consistently in a position of power over Dean. (And I cannot stress enough that Sam trying to seek his own path/seek education/do things for himself does not count as abuse and it disturbs me that people think it does.) 

In fact, the opposite is most often the case: Dean is generally in the role of the leader. Recent seasons have begun to change that dynamic a bit, but neither Sam nor Cas have reversed the dynamic.

** Re: Sam punching Dean:  I understand the circumstances and his reaction makes sense to me, but I’ll be honest: I’m personally uncomfortable with violence as a problem-solving method. So I don’t like that Sam did it, but I understand that both brothers grew up in an environment where less destructive/self-destructive methods were not consistently modeled for them. I understand that there are situations in which people might feel like words are useless and their only recourse is a physical response. I get pain and tragedy and desperation and terror and loss… but it doesn’t mean I’m any more comfortable with it.

[ivyquinnauthor]

12, 17 and 25 for the ff writer asks please :)

Responding to the fanfic writer questions, if anyone else wants to ask some, feel free!

***12 - Who is your favorite character to write for?***

I guess since I’ve written pretty consistently in three fandoms so far, I’d list the ones that I liked the best for each or used to like. I mean, I was first in Buffy fandom so Spike. In Smallville---which I can’t write for anymore at all cause whoo boy all the scandals there turn my stomach----I liked Chloe Sullivan but again the real life terrible, literal cult stuff means I can’t do anything in that fandom anymore, and I haven’t written for that character in over 4 years. Such things happen. In Lucifer, I prefer Lucifer the most cause lots of just angst to mine but also sarcasm, lol.

************

***17) Post a line from a WIP you’re working on:***

Honestly, I have a few I spin plates for, keep up in the air, between two multi-chapter fics and a sort of interconnected series of one-shots. So, lines from the following:

A) From “Recurrence” - 

As musicals go, he appreciated ones with a more intense difficulty level and, in that regard, The Music Man left much to be desired. Doing the quid pro quo to show the lads trying out for Harold Hill how it’s supposed to be done was far from a challenge---he much preferred being out with Ella in Vegas with some Lady Luck---but he muddled through the inferior song anyway. After all, trouble with a capital T is something he knew everything about.

B) From “This Ebony Bird Beguiling” - 

He wasn’t sure how he got from playing helpful house guest, preparing sugary-laden treats for the urchin and the detective (when Chloe woke up, talk about a rough night) in a sunny beach house to giving Trixie Espinosa preening advice. Oh, don’t get him wrong. His interminable life had been nothing but bizarre, depending on whose perspective one took, but it usually didn’t vacillate between almost mind-numbingly boring and human one moment to worrying about someone else’s loose pin feathers the very next.

C) From “Queer Eye for the Chef Guy” (next Culinary Advice one-shot) - 

“I agreed to this, sort of, because you clearly need a distraction while Linda works through the whole you’re-the-devil-thing.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes at Gary. “You have a fine talent for making the infernal and, frankly, formerly---very formerly---divine sound mundane, Preston. It’s more than a just a ‘thing.’”

Oh Christ...wait shouldn’t even think it. He'd gotten the devil extra prickly already. “Fine then. You want a project, and I want to keep Ms. Smith happy and, by extension, both my arms intact, but does it have to involve my clothes?”

“These!” Lucifer said, holding up a pair of cargo pants littering the floor. “Cannot be labeled clothes. In fact, do you have lighter fluid? Never mind I can immolate anything...”

“You can what?” And he didn’t yip, not really. Okay, maybe a little.

“Well, what all do you think I can do?”

Gary pinched the bridge of his nose. If he’d known that, he’d have just dragged his rucksack to Lux. Let Lucifer accidentally set his own bloody flat on fire.

***

And just cause sometimes I keep notes on things to do one day if little scraps of things come to mind, a couple snippets from stuff that’s just ideas and files for now:

A) From “Hair of the Dog” - 

He should send Miss Lopez home. Lucifer knew that the moment he spotted her arguing with Patrick in a very colorful and completely un-Ella-like mix of Spanish and English curses grumbling about being cut off. A good person would call her an Uber or even a private car---he could more than afford it---and send her home with a spare bottle of aspirin from under the bar to boot. Lux kept plenty of other first aid remedies around. After the hangover she was sure to have in the morning, Miss Lopez would even thank him for such chivalry. 

Except Lucifer was not a good person. 

Just a week ago, after the worst moment of his long suffering life, the detective had more than established that to her, he was not a person at all. And it was perversely impressive that in literally billions of years of existence, including permanent exile from his entire (mostly rubbish) family and burning for millennia in a lake of fire, that the detective yelling about being terrified of him would be the worst, but it was. So, no, Lucifer was not a good person or even pretending to be one right now. And he was well and truly soused for once after a steady effort at not only drinking every handle in his personal bar and half of Lux’s but also from downing more than his fair share---celestial metabolism or not---of some molly from the last party he hosted in the penthouse.

He was probably for a precious hour longer even less clear-headed than Miss Lopez. So when he pulled her away from the bar and smoothed things over with Patrick, he couldn’t quite make himself send her away, especially after she curled into his side. He definitely couldn’t refuse her suggestion to go up to the penthouse either...

B) From “What to Expect When You’re an Expecting Devil” - 

“No.”

He arched an eyebrow back at his therapist, who, to be fair, was also his former lover (and before things got utterly complicated and pear-shaped, he’d still have kept up that arrangement with her; she was that good as he found the uptight ones tended to be when they got a chance to let loose), currently the mother-to-be of his first ever nephew, and the only other person in history that he or Amenadiel knew about who was also dealing with a celestial pregnancy. Which sodding perfect. However, just because they were all kinds of enmeshed and, eventually, would be family and boy had his brother cocked that all up (literally), it didn’t mean he had to always listen to her.

If his track record was anything to go by, he rarely did.

Still, Linda kept her hand held out till he relinquished the handle and then coughed at him till he yielded the tumbler too. There were demons he’d beheaded in Hell for far less insolence. Sad state of affairs he’d reached where a wisp of a thing who couldn’t even hope to come up to his chest got him to acquiesce with merely her glare.

“First of all, if this is even...whatever Remiel thinks she senses and it’s assuredly not that because Dad likes his jokes but that’s...” He stuttered a bit there. “I am not that. Even if I were, I don’t think drinking would hurt the little larva and, maybe if it did, bully for everyone. Surely, by now you’re at least passingly familiar with Revelation?”

Linda’s glare hardened, and she gestured to the bar. “Don’t even. I’m not drinking with an angel-baby cause who even knows and you’re not going to...”

“With the antichrist?”He bit back, tone cutting, but the fight leaking from him. “If Remiel is right---and let’s all just hope she’s not because her spider sense is busted---I’m going to need to a drink or all of them worse than ever now.”

“No, Lucifer. Not self destruction for one or, well, both of you that way.”

He pursed his lips but grabbed a bottle of water from behind the penthouse’s bar instead. “Fine then. I suppose that’s the price of you being the only doctor I know who can help me out on the other end of things, you know, if Remy’s not just cracked.”

Linda blanched. “Nope not doing. First, there’s such a thing as too much family togetherness but also I’m not even close to that kind of doctor and it’s been three decades since medical school. Add in that...” she paused then, fumbling for the politic way to phrase something, he was sure.

“Right, like I said, the antichrist. Maybe. I don’t rightly know, John was very stoned when he wrote all that down. Psychadelic nightmare fuel and all that. So, then, I just go it alone, again, assuming Remy’s right?” His hand strayed to his hip because, honestly, self preserving powers of denial aside, even he knew something was really different about him these last two months.

And it shouldn’t intimidate him to have Linda waddle over to him with her eyes narrowed and, if anyone but Amenadiel ever asked him, it didn’t. Not really.

She sighed and bit her lower lip. “Okay, so not an optimal idea, but I have a friend from my residency and his son’s really talented just tends to fuck up...I mean he has his license but if you pay enough....no questions asked so that was what I was thinking?”

“Question or a statement, love?”

“Little of both, but I’m sure no booze is good booze till seven months from now.”

Lucifer drained his water. “Well, and I thought I knew something about Hell. Clearly, I was wrong.”

*******

***25) Have you ever cried writing a story?***

Yes, I have. Back when I still wrote Smallville, I have a very dark trilogy of stories called the Lara-verse. When writing two parts of that series, Black as Sackcloth and Of Wolves and Lambs, I cried because the first involved some fairly gruesome and distressing lead character deaths and because the second dealt a lot with dissociation and PTSD. Honestly, I never finished the series with the four installment because it was such a weird, hard headspace to be in that I just didn’t have the strength to go back to it. It’s on my livejournal here if anyone reads Smallville - https://legendarytobes.livejournal.com/?skip=30&tag=lara%20verse - people would have to friend me there to read, but if anyone’s that curious, feel free to.

[chu-ni]

candy jar -- ldh.

pairing: haechan x reader

genre: enemies to lovers?? yeah?? with some fluff?

warnings: swearing. so if you’re not into that,,,sad times :(

word count: 5.8k

a/n: in case u didn’t know this is based off the netflix film candy jar!! i got real inspired by it!!

also this is my first fic on this blog so like. please be nice sksk

“Look at him. Look at that smug look on his smug face,” you grumble under your breath, eyes shooting daggers at the boy currently sitting across from you. Ever since kindergarten, you and Lee Donghyuck (or Haechan, as he preferred to be called) have had a vendetta, of sorts.

It all started when he upstaged your speech on butterflies (which was very well written, if you said so yourself) back in kindergarten by singing a song about bees, bees, of all things! He even smiled at you as he did it. Since then, it seemed as though he’d made it his life’s mission to beat you at absolutely everything. You’d had a passion for debate as soon as you’d entered high school, and, lo and behold, your lifetime enemy had a passion for debate too. Now juniors, the both of you admittedly put a little less time into arguing with each other,and more into your studies, but after the previous captain of debate club had graduated last year, a kind upperclassman named Mark, the two of you were the top (and only willing) candidates to take his place. Your constant arguments about who should take over had resulted in the two of you currently being forced to spend some time in the counselor’s office.

“I don’t think you understand, Miss Johnson. I’m clearly more level headed and responsible than him, so I deserve the title of captain, obviously-”

“Obviously? Obviously a four time state qualifier like me deserves the title, and, when you consider the numerous contributions my parents have made to the debate club-”

“Here we go again, Donghyuck, always using your precious rich kid privilege to get what you want. Can’t you ever work for something you want like the rest of us?”

“If by ‘the rest of us’ you mean the likes of peasants, like you, then the answer is most definitely a solid no-”

“Oh my God, you’re so annoying!” You say, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“See? This is why I can’t work with her. How do you expect us to co-captain when she’s like this?”

Eyes narrowed, glaring at him, you snarl. “When I’m like what, Donghyuck?”

Pinching her nose bridge, the counsellor interrupts you two.

“Quiet, the both of you!”

You sink into your seat, cowed.

“Honestly. I asked the two of you to jointly run a group because I thought you’d be mature enough to set aside your differences– however silly they were– and work effectively. But clearly, my expectations were too high. The both of you can leave my office and return when you can speak to each other with some kind of civility.”

“But-” Haechan interjects.

“Out!” She snaps. “I wonder if the two of you are even human sometimes,” she mutters.

And with that, the two of you leave, shoving each other on your way out.

If it wasn’t bad enough that the two of you were forced to share a club together, it was even worse that the two of you were forced into sharing every class together, as well. As the bell rings, signifying an hour of sheer boredom with the one person you’d be happy to go the rest of your life without, you begin dragging yourself to your lesson when his voice pipes up.

“You know, that meeting would’ve gone a lot better if you’d just admitted the truth.”

Sighing, you look at him, already done with the conversation. “And what truth is that, Haechan? Please do enlighten me,”

“That I should be captain of the debate club. You can be my deputy, of course, that’s something you’re better suited to. But I would suit the position of captain a lot better than you. The sooner you accept that, the easier things will be.”

Your eyes narrow once more, and you honestly don’t know whether to be angry or just plain shocked that people– no– Donghyuck, can come up with such bullshit on a daily basis.

“And why would I suit the position of deputy more than being a captain, Haechan? Are you saying that because you’re a man, you’re better suited to positions of leadership? Or that I’m just supposed to sit down and accept all the bullshit you spew in an inferior position because that pea-brain of yours can’t wrap itself around the fact that a girl may be better qualified to lead than you?” He opens his mouth to reply, but you cut him off, having had enough. “The amount of stupidity that you allow to leave your mouth astounds me, Lee Haechan, and unfortunately for you, I’m tired of listening to it.” With that, you stomp away from him, unbelievably irritated.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and honestly, in between studying for upcoming tests and finishing off projects for various classes, so does the rest of the week, thankfully, with no further interaction with Donghyuck….which is what would’ve happened had it not been for the absolute bombshell dropped on you on Friday.

“The two of you are going to represent us in the state qualifiers for the youth debate prize!” Your principal, a portly man with a receding hairline and a suit that was way too tight on him squeals in joy.

You, in comparison are far from excited. In all honesty, you’d rather fling yourself from the nearest rooftop than work with him after your last full conversation with him, which, still makes your blood boil. However, luckily, your soon to be partner, the one and only Lee Donghyuck, feels the same way you do, judging from his thunderous expression. You watch as he inhales deeply, most likely preparing a long winded speech as to why he just cannot possibly work with you, but to your surprise, you hear a simple, concise,

“Fine.”

In a daze, you nod along, and are rushed out of the principal’s office. He doesn’t say a word to you after that, choosing to run ahead to his car, making his way home. Shaking your head, you also rush home, preparing some ideas on what points to make for the set topic the next time you see him. Hopefully, you think to yourself, the next time would be a lot more bearable.

The next time you see him is completely unbearable. 

He refuses to listen, tries to one-up you at every turn, which is impossible considering you’re in a team, and his non stop snide remarks have you /this close/ to punching him in the balls.

“Donghyuck,” you hiss.

He stops whatever it is he’s doing with his cue cards for all of one, blissful second, and then promptly returns to being overall annoying.

“Donghyuck,” you snarl.

He turns to look at you this time, as though you were stopping him from doing something incredibly important. “Listen,” you start, “we aren’t getting anywhere like this.” at that, he scoffs. “You’re damn right about that.” Anger rises within you, but you push it down just so you can finish this conversation and go home already. “I think we should take a break and try again tomorrow, don’t you?” He’s silent for a few beats, and you think you’ve gotten through to him, that maybe you’ve found something to mutually agree on.

“How about we just do the work separately? I’ll plan the whole thing, and you can debate it on the day.” Of all the things you would’ve expected him to say (something more along the lines of “Thank God, I can’t wait to be as far away from you as possible!” or maybe a “Yes!”), you never thought he’d be the kind of person to say something like that. But, considering his opinion on being captain of the debate club, it begins to make sense.

“How about we actually try and work together? You agreed to us being a pair, so why don’t we at least try and share the work evenly, yeah?” You were surprising yourself with your suggestions, but you didn’t like the idea of leaving him to his own devices. “I know this may be hard for you to believe, Y/N,” he starts, “But newsflash! I don’t trust leaving you alone with something like this.” Breathing a heavy sigh, you try to get through to him, “Do I have to spell this out for you or something? We have accomplished nothing in the 2 hours we’ve been in this empty ass library, because you seem to have made it your daily mission to get under my skin. So could you be 10% less dickish for 5 minutes? Please?”

He looks deep in thought, before speaking, his blasé drawl already setting you on edge. “Hmm, maybe not.”

“Why? Why is listening to me so unbelievably hard for you?” You explode, exasperated.

“Let me spell things out for you, Y/N. Listening to you does absolutely nothing for me. I reap no rewards whatsoever, and I know your brain isn’t,” he pauses to double tap your forehead, “all there, but I thought you would’ve realised throughout this whole enemy thing that I am entirely self-serving. To put it bluntly, I don’t care.” 

Maybe Donghyuck felt a little bit bad when he saw your eyes flash with something that was less anger and more hurt, but for some odd reason whenever it came to speaking with you, his mouth tended to have a mind of its own. Maybe it was rooted in the fact that he wanted his revenge from the last time the two of you said more than 2 words to each other, or maybe he took joy in seeing you angry around him. Actually, scratch that last one. Donghyuck was many things, but a sadist was not one of them.

“Do this whole thing by yourself then. As if I could ever work with an arrogant jerk like you,” you growl, voice ice cold, before leaving the library, trying (and failing) to slam the door behind you.

Walking, and then gradually running, out of school grounds, you cursed as a single tear rolled down your cheek. You’d never let anything he’d said get to you before, so why had it gotten to you now? And over a stupid joint project, of all things. Your heart knew why, obviously- you cared about his opinion of you, even if it was generally mutually pretty shit. Your mind, on the other hand– while still trying to figure out how to stop crying, as well as the root cause of Donghyuck’s extra dose of dickishness– was coming up blank.

For the next couple of weeks, you don’t speak to him. You don’t work on your upcoming debate for the state qualifiers, you don’t look at him in debate club, and you refuse to even acknowledge his existence, both in and out of school.

That is, until homecoming rolls around.

For most of your high school career, you’d been focused on your studies. After all, you were the first generation in your family to become a college student, so why not do even better and get into a good one–no, a great one. Why not try for Harvard? That had been your philosophy since you’d graduated middle school and so you’d thrown yourself into constant studying, extracurriculars, (90% of which you’d dropped during your first month) anything to boost your college application. It was never too early to be prepared, in your eyes. As a side effect of this, you were kind of, hopeless in the friendship department. To put it nicely, you were a loner. To put it bluntly, you had no friends.

You weren’t planning on going to the homecoming dance anyway, but your mom seemed hell-bent on giving you a life that didn’t revolve around studying and bickering with a certain arrogant 18 year old asshole, and so you ended up donning a modest red dress with some heels and saying goodbye to your mom the night of.

“You’re staying over at a friends house after the party, right?”

“Yes, mom. I’ll probably come home, anyway.”

“No! I want you to have some fun, for once! Live a little, huh?”

Looking her in the eyes, you whisper your assent, and turn to go, waving at her until you’re sure she’s gone inside. Once she is, you change your direction to your local movie theatre, ready for a nice night of movies and popcorn. It wasn’t like you hated homecoming, or dances in general, you just didn’t see the point of being a sweaty gym hall surrounded by hormonal teenagers and shitty music from the top 40.

You buy your first round of snacks and settle in to watch some throwaway rom-com with an mildly interesting plot. It’s okay, but you definitely could’ve chosen a better film to waste your time with, as you found your eyes fluttering shut at some parts. You head back out into the lobby and choose a more action packed film to watch, and as you finish paying for your second round of snacks, this time consisting of more chocolates and candy than popcorn, you come face to face with the one person you’d been avoiding so well for the past couple of weeks. The two of you make awkward eye contact, which you instantly break, by the way, upon discovery that he cleans up kind of.….nice.

Really nice, actually. Could it be that Donghyuck was actually kind of…hot?

You erase that thought the second it pops into your head. You absolutely refuse to see this boy, the bane of your existence for the past decade, as anything other than the arrogant ass he is. And yet, he really does look good in the plain white suit that seems to accentuate his lean figure. You’re brought out of your thoughts by him, currently looking a strange mix of shocked and confused.

“Uh…theatre two?”

You blink, before realising.

“Oh. oh! right, I’m gonna…go..now.”

You turn and run into the theatre, but this film seems to be even worse than the last one, the shitty CGI and cardboard acting sending you halfway to sleep in the first 30 minutes. You want to get up and leave, but you don’t want to go home too early and you don’t like the idea of having wasted all that money on a film you couldn’t even finish. So you force yourself to sit through the rest of it, focusing on finishing your snacks and trying to get interested in the film.

You breathe a sigh of relief as the film ends, and you leave the cinema, ready to go home and prepare a few lines about how fun homecoming was for your mom to hear when you bump into him.

Again.

You awkwardly smile at him before beginning to walk in your house’s direction, when he breaks the silence, speaking up. “You know, I never pegged you for the lonely type.” You can hear the smirk in his voice, and seeing it makes you get a special kind of angry.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Donghyuck. Least of all with you.” you reply, already feeling irritation boil in your chest.

You begin to walk away once more, when the heel on your shoe just so happens to break, and you curse to yourself, wondering why this had to happen now of all times as you attempt (horribly) to fix your shoe.

“Uh, do you need- do you need a ride home?”

You freeze.

He’d never sounded so shy, so quiet, so, not him in the 15 years you’d known him. “Why would you wanna give me a ride?” you ask, apprehensive.

“I may not like you all that much, but even i was raised better than to leave a girl to walk home alone, y/n.” Gone was the timid tone from a few seconds ago – the caustic, teasing lilt you’d become accustomed to had returned. And somehow, that comforted you. Made you feel a lot more at ease than the almost nice version of Donghyuck you’d heard a few seconds earlier. You thought about his proposition for a little longer. Could you really trust him, of all people?

Yes. Yes you could.

“…..You’ll take me straight home?”

You swore you saw his eyes light up a little, but you put it to the back of your mind.

“This isn’t home, Hyuck.”

His heart speeds up a little at the nickname you’d used, and he hopes you don’t notice the surprise in his eyes as he turns away from the collection point at the drive-thru to face you.

“Your observational skills continue to amaze me, Y/N. Tell me, how do you do it?” you can feel the sarcasm dripping from his words, but refuse to deign him with a reply. “Besides, milkshakes and fries are a great combination. And you look like you need it.” You curl your lip in disgust as he hands you your meal. “This kind of stuff ruins your organs! It’s a recipe for type 2 diabetes, Hyuck, I’m telling you,” “I’m here for a good time, not a long time, babe!” he laughs as he starts the engine and begins to drive. “Where are we going now?” You ask, groaning in annoyance. “You’d be so much better looking if you didn’t talk so much, you know that? Just relax for once, yeah?” You stiffen at the first part of his sentence, but put it to the back of your mind as you stare out the car window, aloof. The rest of the ride thankfully passes by in silence, allowing you to get lost in your own thoughts. As much as you disliked Donghyuck, you had to appreciate the (albeit unexpected) gesture that he was making for you. the experience at the cinema earlier had kind of cemented the fact that you were kind of a loner, and hyuck had made you feel…not alone. You definitely wouldn’t call him a friend, but he was most definitely less of an enemy. You slide your eyes over to look at him, bored with the view from the window. You’d never noticed it before, but his profile was actually really beautiful. The moles dotted across his cheek and neck, the slope of his nose and his even, warm skin tone that seemed to radiate the sun, and the way his full lips settled into a natural pout…

Donghyuck was not a bad looking guy.

And for all his very many faults, being ugly was very much not one of them. So why had it taken you this long to notice?

“We’re here, dumbass.” You jump, shaken and you inwardly hope he hadn’t caught you staring-

“And stop staring at me. it’s creepy.”

With that, you clearly realised why it had taken that long to notice anything about Donghyuck aside from his annoyingly big stupid mouth that never seemed to shut up.

“I wasn’t staring at you, dumbass.”

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night, sure.”

Following him to the peak of the hill he’d taken you to, you gasp. In front of you both laid the rest of the city in all of its glory. The lights dotted all over, showing a kaleidoscope of colour, the lake in the far distance, the trees within the various neighborhoods and green spaces….it was basic, but it took your breath away. Because you were so separate from it all, it gave you space to breathe, away from the hustle and bustle of your town.

“Woah,” you breathe.

“I know. Woah,” he replies, grinning. You didn’t know it, but taking you up here had been his way of apologising for how he’d treated you the last time you’d met. Hyuck was never the kind of person to apologize outright though, so this was the best you were going to get.

“This is…something else,”

As you got lost in the view below, it became Donghyuck’s turn to stare at you. Unlike you, he could actually get past the fact that you never stopped talking.

The first time he’d noticed you were somewhat beautiful was the beginning of sophomore year. You were both in the same classes for everything, but it was during a creative writing segment in English class that he’d realised you weren’t that bad. You were reading out a poem you’d written, shyly laughing to yourself when you’d made a small mistake and he’d thought you were actually kind of….cute. Of course, Hyuck would rather die than ever say that to your face, seeing as you’d never let him live it down, but it was nice to admire, wasn’t it?

“….Stop staring at me, it’s creepy!” you say, mocking his earlier tone. He should’ve been annoyed at that, but to his own surprise, he found it somewhat endearing.

“Why would I want to stare at someone like you?” He scoffed, looking away.

“If thats what helps you sleep at night, sure, Donghyuck. Sure.” You crooned, patting his head, to which he flinched away from in mock disgust.

“Ew.”

Dipping his now somewhat cold fry into his milkshake, he held it towards you. “Anyway, try this.” You looked back and forth between the fry and him for a few seconds, noticing his impatience, and snatched the fry out of his hand, taking a tentative bite. Chewing slowly, you smiled a little in acknowledgment. It actually wasn’t that bad. Doing the same thing with your own fries and milkshake, you found it was better than not bad. It was addicting, as you made a little noise of pleasure upon your third fry.

Watching you eat was probably the greatest thing Hyuck had ever had the pleasure of seeing, and the warm feeling he got when you smiled was something he was just going to have to address another day. Maybe he liked you, he thought. Maybe. But he’d sooner die than say that out loud, so for now he just enjoyed the food with you.

“I told you it was amazing,” he smirked, raising an eyebrow and you knew he was right, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Eh. they were okay, I guess.”

Jaw dropped and eyebrows raised, he gaped at you in confusion.

“Okay!? This is the best combination known to man, I’ll have you know!”

You shrugged. “Maybe to you. The real best combination is and always will be, fries with ice cream of course,”

“You literally said that was a recipe for type 3 diabetes.”

“I said it was a recipe for type 2 diabetes, dimwit. Type 3 doesn’t even exist!”

The two of you continue to bicker like that for a couple of hours, before you both notice the time and rush to head home, stomachs full and a newfound understanding between you. As the both of you arrive outside your house, the air is clearly thick with unsaid words.

You’re the first to break the silence.

“I…I really enjoyed it.”

Taking a deep breath, you continue,

“This whole thing, I mean. So… thanks, I guess.”

Hyuck nods, saying a few words of his own.

“I'm….happy I bumped into you tonight.”

Stuttering, he continues,

“And-and I wouldn’t mind if you’d want- if you’d want to do this again, sometime?” He sounded unsure and shy, and of all things, Donghyuck hated sounding unsure, and he hated sounding anything less than confident, but you understood him all the same.

You whisper, “I think I’d like that too.”

You stare at each other a little while longer, before you break the trance by shaking your head. Clearing your throat, you make your way out of the car and move to go inside, turning around one last time.

The two of you make brief eye contact, to which you both smile, and only when you’ve finally gone inside do you hear the rumble of his car driving off.

Monday arrives, and the other members of your debate club, which consist of two loud sophomores named Jisung and Chenle, another stuck-up senior named Nancy, and a quiet freshman named Herin, are surprised to see that you and Donghyuck aren’t arguing with each other today. The dirty looks and snide comments are gone, instead replaced with a quiet respect for each other. You’re surprised as well, to see that you can actually hold a conversation with the guy without wanting to rip your hair out for the first time in, well, ever.

He stops you after debate club ends, and for once you don’t automatically feel angry.

“Do you wanna…maybe….try again with the whole project thing?” He’s quiet, and you had to strain to hear him a little, but you found his sudden shyness charming, to say the least. You were beginning to see Haechan as less of an arrogant jerk and more of a…tolerable acquaintance. Who was also kinda cute, and kinda nice. At times.

“Do you promise to listen to me this time?” You look at him expectantly.

“Yes, I promise. I’ll even tone down the dickishness!” He grins for good measure, and you’d be lying if you said his smile didn’t make your heart do flips.

You raise an eyebrow.

“I’ll stop the dickishness,” he grumbles, looking up at you through his eyelashes, which, you realised, were actually pretty long, and pretty adorable, and pretty… pretty.

Hold up.

Since when had you begun using the same adjectives to describe something? You were going to have to do something about this sudden onslaught of feelings, but it felt nice to like someone, even if that someone was Lee Donghyuck.

“So shall we start planning at mine tomorrow?” You snap out of your blatant staring (to which Donghyuck notices, but doesn’t bring up to spare you the embarrassment) in time to catch that final question, and you hum in agreement. He smiles at you again, before waving goodbye and heading off.

You make your own way home as well, a skip in your step and a grin on your face. You spend the rest of your day organising files and the like and preparing things to bring for tomorrow, which you are more than excited about, for some reason. School passes by fairly quickly the next day. You have a pop quiz you think you did okay on, you turn in homework you know you did great on, and you try your best to focus in class, but your mind keeps wandering to him. And a small part of you is kicking, screaming, and outright yelling at you to stop liking him, that you aren’t supposed to like him, that he’s just an arrogant jerk– but the larger part of you is just going with the flow and enjoying the moment while it lasts. You don’t want to like him, but you don’t have the energy to fight against your own feelings when, for once, you don’t have anything to despise him for.

The bell rings at the end of your final lesson, and you find him waiting outside for you, something that already makes your heart flutter. He grabs your hand and almost drags you to his car, a light blue convertible, and you try not to stutter at the feeling of his warm hand and how perfectly it fits into yours.

“Of course you’d have a car like this, Hyuck.” He smiles softly at the nickname, before processing the rest of what you just said. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” He splutters, indignant. “Whatever you want it to mean, I guess,” you sigh, relaxed. Donghyuck’s eyes widen. He wasn’t used to not arguing over anything and everything with you, but the silence between you two becomes a comfortable one for the rest of the ride.

You pull up by his house, and you gasp upon entering. A chandelier hangs in the entry lobby, the walls are decorated with modern art, and a white and gold colour scheme occurs throughout the house. After removing your shoes, Haechan signals you to follow him up the stairs, and you go into his room, which looks as average as any other teenage boy’s room. The colour scheme in here is different to the rest of the house, the walls painted a warm orange. There are a few t-shirts strewn across the floor, a desk in one corner with a laptop and various folders, books and stationery piled onto it. Posters of famous films like pulp fiction, kill bill, and the like decorate the walls, and by his bed you notice a stack of records with music from artists like Michael Jackson and Prince that’s dangerously close to toppling over. The room’s kind of messy, but it’s distinctly Donghyuck, so it doesn’t bother you.

You watch as he flings himself onto his bed, huffing a sigh of tranquility. “Do you wanna get started? I can go downstairs and get us some snacks, if you want,” he says, pulling himself up into a sitting position. “I’d like that,” you smile, and begin to set up your various point cards and cue cards in preparation for your upcoming debate. You’re going over a positive of your proposed argument (which discusses how beneficial a college education is, by the way) when Haechan returns with cookies that smell absolutely heavenly. He offers you one, and you bite into it, moaning in contentment. “These are great,” you giggle. “Who made them?” You ask. “I did, actually.” He mumbles. You pause your happy chewing to look at him. A light dust of pink had settled on his cheeks, and he’d begun fiddling with the edge of one of his cue cards, clearly a little embarrassed. “You- You’re a great baker, Haechan.” You whisper, lightly breaking the silence. He looks up at you, still a little red in the face, then looks off to one side once he notices your sincerity. “Th-thanks,” he mutters. “You know,” he begins, substantially louder and more confident than before, “that may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” a knowing grin settles onto his face as he looks at you, and as you meet his stare, you suddenly take note of how close he’s gotten. “Could it be,” he murmurs, voice having dropped an octave, “that you like me?” Your eyes flit back and forth from his lips to his eyes, and you don’t even have time to reply before his lips are on yours.

You freeze, unsure of what to do.

At your lack of response, he begins to pull away, but you pull him back into you, moving your lips against his. He feels soft, billowy, and like everything you’ve ever wanted. If your heart went any faster than it already was you’d probably get some kind of heart problem, but you’d happily suffer cardiac arrest if it meant always being able to kiss him like this. Your eyes are shut, meaning you can’t see anything, obviously, but somehow there’s still an explosion of colour behind them. You tingle, from your head to your toes and you wonder why the hell it took you two this long to do anything like this. You sigh when his hands pull you closer by your waist, and it’s then when he pulls away. Subconsciously, you follow his lips, your eyes opening at the sound of his laugh.

“Was I that amazing?” He giggles, lips slightly reddened.

“Don’t say it like that, dumbass.”, You grumble, “It makes it sound weird.”

“Just admit it, Y/N. You like me,” he croons in a sing-song voice. Part of you wants to punch him, but you roll your eyes and look him dead in the eye instead.

“Maybe I do. What about it, Donghyuck?”

He feels a shudder down his spine at your use of his first name, but he likes it. All throughout middle and high school, he’d made everybody call him by his middle name, Haechan, because he thought it sounded better. But he found himself thoroughly enjoying the fact that you were the one who said his first name to him. Why he suddenly enjoyed it moreso in this situation than all the other times you’d called him by his first name, he did’nt know. Probably because all the other times you were growling, snarling and hissing it at him, and this time you sounded kind of..normal.

“Nothing. Just say my name again, please?”

“Don’t tell me that’s your kink.” You deadpan.

“Only when you say it, babe,”

“God, I hate you,” You growl, trying to get away from him, but he holds you in place, grinning at you.

“You know, you were a lot more bearable when you were kissing me,” you pout.

“Then make me bearable,” he says, staring directly at your lips.

And you do, leaning into him again, feeling content, happy, and just right.

The two of you begin a thing, after that day. Not quite dating, but not quite single either. For now, you’re both content just hanging out in his car and making out at various intervals and going on study dates that always end with no work done, but you don’t mind it. You aren’t really sure you mind anything, when he’s around.

The day of the debate qualifiers comes and goes without a hitch. As a pair, the both of you do well enough to make it to the finals, but you lose to a pair who seemed a lot more emotionally invested in the argument, and although you lost, you didn’t feel all that disappointed, because you won in a different way. You won an okay looking, nice enough, somewhat-boyfriend-who-wasn’t-a-boyfriend-yet, and you were happy with that. As the two of you leave the competition hall, ready to hop in Donghyuck’s car and go home, you ask him a question.

“When did you realise you liked me?”

He hums in thought, “Hmm….I liked you since sophomore year, but I think I only realised it when I took you on our first date.”

“You mean when you stopped me from going home and forcibly kept me with you as you fed me milkshakes and fries? That date?”

“Yes, that date.” He sighed in exhaustion. He liked you, a lot. Maybe even loved you. But absolutely nobody knew how to get on his nerves the way you did. And that would’ve angered him, if not for the fact that he could do the exact same thing to you.

You arrive at his car, and as you both strap yourselves in, you decide to ask another question.

“I- I am your girlfriend, right?”

Donghyuck slowly turned to look at you, face blank.

“Of course not,” he begins, “I just make out with you and take you on dates and bake you food for all of no reason, Y/N.”

You crossed your arms and looked out the window, just for an excuse to look away from him.

“You’re so mean,”

“But you love me anyway!” He beamed, and maybe, maybe just maybe, you did.

“Just kiss me, idiot,”

“My pleasure, dumbass.”