#so yeah until i figure out what to do I'll just be miserable for now i guess

[flowers-and-literature]

My life would have been soooo much easier as a cis guy I'm actually so mad

[mariasont]

EEEEK your post prison fic for spencer is fREAking me out!!! could you maybe do one where spencer is now teasing the reader a bit? maybe he's giving her extra praise and she freaks (what would i do if he called me a good girl? 😩) (this is very indulgent to my praise kink i'm so so sorry 🧎🏻‍♀️‍➡️) tytyty!! i adore love and cherish you and your work 💕

I Aim To Please - S.R

a/n: shewwwwww to be complimented by post prison spencer fucking reid. im drooling!!!! but anyway babes i adore & love YOU!!!! so thank u so so sooo much for requesting 💖💖

masterlist

pairings: spencer reid x shy!media-liaison!reader

warnings: spencer being hot, reader being shy girl, spencer being a little shit who loves to tease

wc: 1.5k

There were a few basic rules you had established from working at BAU. First, avoid Rossi at all costs until he’s had at least two cups of coffee. Second, never attempt to outwit Emily; she’ll see right through you and crush your argument every single time. And third—perhaps the most crucial—do everything in your power to maintain your freaking composure around Dr. Reid.

That last one, however, was proving to be a monumental challenge. It wasn’t just the way he spoke, his brain firing off at a speed only he could keep up with. It wasn’t even the way he seemed oblivious to how endearing those very quirks were. No, it was the fact that the simple act of him breathing in your direction had you scrambling to hold yourself together. And honestly you were failing miserably.

Which is why you spent most of your time holed up in your office. It wasn’t much—just a desk, a slightly uncomfortable chair, and a perpetually growing stack of case files that seemed determined to bury you. But it offered privacy, and that was enough. Here you could breathe, decompress, and occasionally allow yourself to daydream about a certain genius profiler without the risk of public humiliation.

The bullpen was proving to be too chaotic, too close to him. Your office gave you distance, a buffer. But, as you had come to learn, hiding only worked when he didn’t decide to seek you out. And Spencer Reid had a knack for finding you when you least expected it.

"Hey."

You jumped slightly, nearly fumbling the stack of press notes you’d been carefully organizing.

Turning toward the door, you found Spencer leaning casually against the frame, a file tucked under one arm and a distracted sort of smile on his face. His tie was slightly loosened, his sleeves rolled up just enough to expose his forearms, and—just like that—your brain completely short-circuited.

"Hi," you said, trying not to sound too startled. "Do you, um, need something?"

"Yeah." He further into the room, lifting the file in explanation. "I was looking at the local coverage of our case, and I noticed a couple discrepancies in the timeline published."

"Oh,” you said softly, quickly shuffling the press notes into a messy pile and pushing them to the side. "Well, um, sometimes reporters try to fill gaps when they don't the facts. It's... frustrating, but it happens."

You glanced up at him briefly, but that look of his made your cheeks warm. Your fingers twisted together in your lap as you tried to focus on anything other than how ridiculously self-conscious you suddenly felt.

"That makes sense. I figured you'd know."

Instead of lingering in the doorway or leaving like you assumed he would, Spencer, casually grabbed the chair across from your desk. He spun it around in one fluid motion and sat it backwards, draping his arms on the backrest with an ease that felt strangely familiar—like you had been friends or colleagues for years instead of just a few months.

"I'll reach out to them about fixing the timeline," you said, your hand instinctively moving a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You clasped your hands together to still them, offering a small, nervous smile. "It shouldn't be too hard to correct."

"Thanks," he said. "That'll probably save from giving another long-winded lecture on factual reporting."

You gave a quiet laugh, grateful for the distraction from your tasks, though you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about the company. Not that you didn’t enjoy his company—there was plenty to enjoy, more than you cared to admit. If you could manage to function like a normal human being around him, you might even look forward to moments like this.

But then he tilted his head slightly, his eyes studying you as if he were unraveling some kind of puzzle and for one terrifying second, you were convinced he could hear every single thought racing through your mind.

"So," he began, "how are you liking it here so far? The job, I mean. Is it what you expected?"

You blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in conversation. "Oh, um... yeah. It's been great so far. Busy, but... I like it."

"That's good," he said, nodding. "I know it’s not exactly the most predictable job. Some people don't expect it to be so... chaotic."

"Well," you said, fidgeting slightly with your pen. "I knew what I was signing up for. Or, at least I thought I did. It's a lot, but it's rewarding."

"That's a good attitude to have," he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Honestly, you're doing a great job. I don't know how you manage to keep everything straight."

Your heart leaped, thudding in your chest as warmth flooded your face. You weren’t used to hearing compliments, especially from someone like him. You wanted to savor the moment, to bottle up the way his words made you feel, but your nerves refused to let you fully enjoy it.

"I'm just, um, organized I guess,” you stammered, your hand flying up to rub at the back of your neck.

"More than just organized," he replied easily, completely unaware of how his words were affecting you. "You've got half the team wrapped around your finger already. Even Rossi listen when you talk. That's impressive."

Your face burned. "I think that's more about respect for the job than me."

Spencer shrugged lightly, as he was watching you, like he didn't quite believe you. "Maybe. Or maybe you're just better at this than you give yourself credit for."

You let out a nervous chuckle, fingers twitching as you fiddled with the corner of the paper in front of you.

"I don't... I don't know about that."

He tilted his head, again, his brow quirking. "Do you know how to take a compliment?"

"Of course I do." You were sure your voice lacked the conviction needed.

He smirked, leaning forward over the chair. "Doesn't seem like it."

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words stuck in your throat, tangled in the frantic web that was your thoughts around this infuriating man.

"Well, uh, you’ve only done it twice, so I don’t think that’s enough for you to judge."

His grin widened. "Oh? So you’re saying I should try again? For research purposes?"

Your eyes widened, and you blinked rapidly as if to process his words, your hands shooting up as if to physically block the implication. "I—uh—no, that's not what I meant.”

"No, no," he said, sitting up straighter and waiving off your flustered attempt to deflect. "I aim to please. If more compliments are what you’re after, I’ve got plenty.”

"Please, no."

"You're incredibly efficient. Seriously, I think you've managed to anticipate what the team needs before we even know we need it. And your ability to keep your cool under pressure? That's impressive. I mean, do you even get stressed? Because if you do, you hide it really well."

"Dr. Reid—," you squeaked, covering your face with your hands as if that could somehow shield you from the onslaught of praise.

"And," he continued, clearly now enjoying himself. "You're probably the most patient person, I've ever met. Which is something, considering you work with people who constantly interrupt and derail your perfectly planned press briefings."

Your stomach flipped, and you felt a flush of heat that had nothing to do with embarrassment pooling in your chest. As much as you wanted to sink to the floor, the way he looked at you sent every nerve in your body spiraling. Each word felt like it was tailored to you, peeling back the very thin veneer of control you’d desperately tried to maintain over the massive crush you found yourself drowning in.

Your head dropped to the desk with a soft thunk, muffling your groan. "Okay, okay, I get it."

He leaned forward just slightly, resting his chin on his arms atop the chair. "Now what do you say?"

"Thank you."

He smirked widened. "See? That wasn't so hard was it?"

Your cheeks burned even hotter, and you averted your eyes, trying to hide the nervous smile tugging at your lips. "You didn't have to go on and on..."

"Oh, but I did." He was still grinning. "You deserved it."

You risked a glance back at him, losing your cool by the second. That only made your face heat up more. "You're impossible."

"And yet, you haven't kicked me out of your office."

"That's only because I didn’t think it would work."

"Well," he said, turning towards the door. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't mind the compliments."

You opened your mouth to protest but no words came out. Instead, you watched helplessly as he shot you one last smile before disappearing into the hallway.

When the door finally clicked shut behind him, you let out a shaky breath and drop your head back onto the desk.

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[cheesecakeluver]

AT FIRST GLANCE

hamzahthefantastic x reader

ᶻ𐰁 ࣪ °⋆ when you arrive in Toronto, after three years from home, you meet with your close friend Mandy, who has a visitor that you know, at first glance, is bound to be yours.

———————-

As the taxi slows, i find that my stomach turns and churns in excitement. The idea that now, after three years, ill see Mandy again, after being apart for so, so long, enthralls me. We constantly facetimed and messaged after i had to move, for work purposes. Los Angeles was a great city, but once you really got settled and started to understand life there.. it made you miserable. Thankfully, my work as a journalist had moved me back to Toronto, and i could finally see my friends and family.

I retrieve my heavy suitcases from the boot of the car, thanking the driver and sending him away with a twenty dollar bill. I don't think i'll ever get over the price differences between Canada and the USA. I stand outside Mandy's place, which she shared with her boyfriend, Martin. Of course, i'd heard all about him, because as soon as i moved away, they met. She updated me on every date, every exciting occasion, and every detail of their lives together, including his youtube channel, whom he shared with a friend unknown to me, though Mandy constantly called him clingy and annoying, which left me laughing.

I knock on the door, one, twice, and then thrice. I see a figure moving towards the door, and i get excited, recording the whole moment with an old camera. I'd recently started youtube myself, and had had a good amount of luck, my first two videos not exactly blowing up, but doing pretty well for my first time. I see the figure head towards the door, and i shove the camera in front of me, my smile wide, grinning even.

The figure opens the door, and i'm stunned. It was in fact, not Mandy i was met with, who stood at 5,4. No, this was a nearly six foot tall, dark curly haired man, who looked like he'd just gotten out of bed.

"Uh.. who are you?" he mumbled, wiping his dark curls out of his face, pushing his rectangular glasses up on the bridge of his nose, his chocolate brown eyes widening as he stared deadpan at me.

i pull the camera down to my side, revealing my face as my smile drops. i stutter a little, taking a step back. Had i went to the wrong address?

"Does Mandy live here?" i asked nervously, my concern become increasingly evident on my face. I was never good at hiding my emotions.

"Oh, yeah. She said something about someone coming over today. Just didn't mention who." The man said, his eyebrows unfurling as the confusion fled his face, allowing me to view him more. He was attractive, and even i couldn't deny that, as i stared into his dark eyes. The worry wiped off my face as he opened the door wider, allowing me to step into the home, where Mandy was snuggled into Martin's side, a blanket over them on the couch, as i heard the nostalgic theme of 'Gilmore Girls' playing on the tv.

I smile, leaving my bags by the door as i hear Mandy ask whose at the door, until her eyes land across me. She screams, ditching Martins arms and she runs to me, hugging me and jumping with glee spread across her face. I hold her in my arms, happily.

"I've been waiting for you to arrive!" she says, pulling away from the embrace, still smiling so hard i believe it must hurt. "That's Hamzah, by the way, the one who answered the door. He's the one who does the podcast, and youtube with Martin" She explains, babbling on about what the boys did. I listened eagerly, intrigued, as she told me about this podcast, which i'd never known of before. She asks me how i am, knowing how hard Los Angeles hit me, leaving me emotionally drained.

"I'm excited to be back in Toronto, really. I've been wanting to come back ever since i left. Los Angeles was.. alright at first, but god, once you really get settled, and begin actually connecting.." i sigh, drifting off. The people that inhabited Los Angeles, were just not the people i was made for, and oh how glad i was to be back in Toronto. Back home. I look around, impressed at the new house they'd just moved in to, which now looked like a home due to the decorum, as i see dinner bowls lying around.

Martin cleans them up, putting them in the sink and introducing himself. "Sorry, we just ate.. probably should've cleaned that up earlier." he jokes, wrapping an arm around Mandy.

The whole time, the boy i know now as Hamzah had just been by the door, his keys in hand. i came to the conclusion he must have just been heading out when i arrived.

He jingles the keys in his hand, grabbing my attention. He looks a little nervous, his eyes darting around. "I'm gonna head out, it was good meeting you.." he says, finally looking at me, smiling, his hands in his pockets. He lingers on, and i catch the hint he wanted my name.

"Oh, y/n" i smiled, a little flustered as his eyes remained steady on me, a glint in them. I found myself drawn to him, even though this was our first meeting.

Mandy turns to me, Martins arm still wrapped around her. "We were just going out, for ice cream, if you wanted to join us?" she smiles at me, Martins arm rubbing hers and he stared at her, entranced.

I think about it, but ultimately decide against it, as i had ate the shitty food served on the airplane, and felt as though my stomach deserved a break after. That, and i wasn't in the mood to become a third wheel, especially as jet lagged as i was.

"I need to sort through the boxes as well, get my apartment into living conditons, but thank you guys, i appreciate it." i say, thanking the couple in front of me.

"Call me tomorrow though, we'll meet up then?" i ask, and Mandy nods, smiling. "Of course! Im so, so happy your home. Atleast now i've got someone to hang out with when these two are filming. Ooh, and maybe even double dates, and-"

Hamzah coughs loudly, interrupting her, and their eyes land on each other, and something, almost like realisation, hits Mandy.

I look between the pair, an awkward silence filling the room, as the four of us just looked at our feet.

I knew Hamzah had been there a couple of times when i had been facetiming Mandy, as i heard him and Martin in the background, but i never thought anything of it.

I pull my phone out, prepared to call another taxi, and head out of here, as i gather my bags and suitcase by the door.

"Anybody know how much a taxi from here to Parkson street costs?" i ask, breaking the silence

Martin speaks up immediately, as if snapping out of a trance.

"Hamzah, don't you live near Parkson street?" he asks the boy, who averts his gaze from mine, eyes focused now on Martin, as a pink blush cascades over his caramel skin, slightly covered by the messy curls strewn on top of his head.

"Yeah, i live on Parkson street" He replies, and i see Martin wink at him, before he speaks again.

"Oh, okay yeah, do you need a ride?" Hamzah says, eyes on mine as i see his hands fiddle inside of his pockets, causing me to smile.

"Yeah.. thank you. Really, your helping me out a a lot here." i blush slightly as he helps me with a couple of my bags, and our hands brush together, my face heating up, as does his.

"Really, you don't have to-" i say, prepared to take the bag, as he shakes his head in defiance, which leaves me to sigh, smiling as i do.

"I could see you struggling when you first arrived, let me help you" He says, picking the bags i struggled with up easily, impressing me as his biceps bulged whilst doing the action, causing me to stare.

Martin interrupts us, as he begins saying his farewells to Hamzah. I make my way over to Mandy, one last time, knowing ill meet her tomorrow.

"Call me tonight, and tell me everything" she says, with that knowing look in her eye, causing me to softly chuckle as i embrace her again.

We part ways with Mandy and Martin, saying goodbye to the pair as they began to get ready to get dessert. I smile at the couple as i leave with Hamzah, wishing i had the type of relationship they had, watching them laugh and cuddle and kiss. In my dreams i guess.

As Hamzah walks me to his car, we begin small talk. He asks about my life back in Los Angeles, and i tell him about my journalism and my small channel, as he told me of his podcast. He seemed passionate about it, using his hands as he spoke, and all i could do was become entranced by him. I had met this boy less than twenty minutes ago, yet already he had caught me attention, and by the looks of it, i had caught his.

"I originally started the podcast by myself, and did around.. i think thirty or so episodes before Martin joined. Honestly, its much better when your not just speaking by yourself, to a camera." He explained, hooking me in with every word he uttered.

"I guess i can kind of understand. When i film, so far, its always been by myself. My job as well, it gets lonely, because journalism isn't a very.. i don't know.. social type of job. Sure, I sit and write about all the things i love, but sometimes i just wish i had someone to talk to about my interests, instead of people just reading my words via a news outlet, or magazine."

i let out my thoughts, feeling slightly vulnerable when doing so. Hamzah watches me talk, allowing me to explain what's on my mind, and for the first time in a long time, i feel seen.

"Listen, i know we just met, but honestly, i feel like i know you already. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, even if its just about the stupid stuff." He says, a little shyly, rubbing the back of his neck as he speaks. I find myself walking close beside him, and we continue talking back and forth, all the way to his car.

Once we reach his car, he opens the door for me, and just when i'm strapped in, does he make his way to the drivers side, causing a feeling of warmth to erupt in my stomach.

Getting in, he sets his phone on my lap, smiling. "Since your a guest, i'll trust you to pick something good" he says, as i notice spotify opened infront of me.

It nearly made me melt, as i saw his recent listens. "Men i trust, Freddie Dredd, The maria's.. you have good taste" i smile, seeing some artist that we have in common.

I see him smile warmly, staring at the phone as i type my favourite song in, hoping, no, praying he would like it.

"Bags by Clairo.. you have good taste" He replies, copying me, as the song begins to filter through the car, and i hum lightly to it.

entranced by the music, and the feeling of content flowing through me, i rest my head against the window, taking in autumnal Toronto in all its beauty, realising just how much i had missed this place.

I feel Hamzah's eyes on me, and i turn to him, a grin erupting from me without my consent, as his curls fall into his eyes, and his hands mark the wheel.

We continue the rest of the ride in silence, the only thing heard is Clairo's majestic voice through the speakers, and both of us are okay with that. Upon arriving at Parkson street, i feel a little disappointed, missing Hamzah's banter and voice already, even though we hadn't parted from each other yet. I needed to get a grip on myself.

We get out, still walking close to each other, our arms brushing against one anothers, and begin walking back to our apartments, noticing we both strode in the same direction.

"Hamzah, what apartment number is yours? Not to be a creep or anything.." i joke, seeing his eyes light up.

"I'm 112.. what about you?"

I feel myself smile, pink flushing my cheeks, and not just due to the autumn chill in the air. We stop outside of his apartment, and he sees where my gaze lies, his cheeks flushing as well.

"I'm apartment 113” i say, grinning, our proximity exciting me like nothing before. maybe, just maybe this meant i did have a chance. endless excuses we’re running through my mind, thinking of ways i could interact with him on the daily.

He smiles, walking me to my door and setting the suitcases and bags in my doorstep, his cheeks tinted pink, and his eyes on me the entire time, looking me up and down with ease.

He smiles at me, one last time. "I'll see you around, y/n" he says, walking the two paces to his apartment, next door. My heart fluttered, and the minute i go inside of my new apartment, i jumped on the bare mattress, not caring about the unboxed suitcases and bags, picking up my phone and dialing my best friend.

"Mandy, i think i’m starting to like him."

---------------

[kpop---scenarios]

Whispers Of The Night (7)

Pairing: OT8 x Reader

Summary: You just want to live a happy life, but currently, that wasn't happening. It's not until you meet 8 strangers who turn your life upside down and you discover what they are.

Warnings: Mentions of death

Word Count: 1.7k

Taglist: @steddie-steddie @hongtyong @purple-bell @deadpool15 @purplelady85 @xomakara @certifiedchangbinlover @wife2straykidss @piscesrising01 @baby-stay92 @kisses-too-the-moon @dwaekkiiracha @silly250 @rylea08 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @satosugu4l @gabriellamarie @tsunderelino @iovecb97 @1810cl @lordmaahes-nsc @sailorkoss @minh0scat @pixie0627 @50-husbands @yaorzu-blog @anskiiz @joyofbebbanburg @number1jeonginstan @skzooluvr @jisunglyricist @ambersnowxxx @ayyonoona @31maze13 @stay-tiny-things @thegingerthatwaited @hoesheez @stayatinykatsy @catlove83 @jeonginstulip @kaleigh-2002 @honeycombbaybee @hyuneyeon @flylis @kpop-choco @chloe-elise-2000 @stephanieeeyang @nightmarenyxx @0325tiny @m1nn1everse @igot7bulletproofmonstas @imeverycliche @cathyxhaddy @hodgepodge-musings

Previous Chapters

“A problem?” You scoff. “Yeah, you could say there is a problem.”

And the problem was your attitude, the fact that you couldn't control your distaste for the eight men who stood in front of you. Also the fact that it felt like your body was slightly, if not completely failing you. You were miserable, in pain and you just wanted it all to end. You wanted to feel better, and go back to being happy.

The smiles on their faces faded awfully quickly as they all realized the situation that you were in. The men looked between each other, looking to see who was going to tell you the information they had found out from Lilith.

“You just left after we…” You trail off, looking at Chan.

“Minho and Felix got some information out of Lilith.” Chan sighs. “That's why I wasn't there when you woke up. We were trying to figure out what to do.” He explains.

“Okay?” You say, still annoyed. “Spit it out.” You snap, looking around at them all.

“The scratches she gave you.” Minho begins, stepping forward. “When she did that she… um..” he pauses. “I'm just going to say it.” He sighs. “They're killing you.”

“What?” You whisper. “How?”

“It must be some kind of bacteria.” Changbin says.

“It's poisoning your blood. Your organs are shutting down.” Minho finishes.

“Oh.” You whisper, stumbling back to the couch. You sit down, feeling like the room is spinning around you. You figured it might have been an infection of some sort, but nothing like this, nothing like you were dying.

“Antibiotics.” You murmur, feeling a little sense of hope. “I just have to go to the hospital and get some antibiotics.” You say, piping up. “Then I'll be fine.”

How could they have not thought of that? They all looked so worried, but for what? It was all going to be just fine.

“Not for this.” Chan says. “They won't work. Either you die, or you have to be changed.”

“Then change me.” You whisper. Even though you were so fucking mad right now, you couldn't control your tears. “Please.” you sniffle. “I'm not ready to die.”

“We're going to figure this out.” Felix says, sitting beside you. He wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him.

“But we're not changing you.” Chan says. “That's not happening.”

“I can help you.” You all hear, faintly. The voice travels from the basement, making you all look towards the basement door. “I have the cure.”

“She's lying Seungmin.” Murmurs.

“She has to be.” Changbin agrees.

“I have to find out.” You say, getting up as fast as you can, making your way to the basement door.

“Y/N, wait.” Chan says, grabbing your arm. “You can't trust her.”

“She's the only one offering a solution, other than me just dying.” You snap, pulling your arm away from Chan. You open the basement door, heading down the stairs carefully but quickly. You stand in front of a chained Lilith, listening to the footsteps coming down the stairs behind you.

“How?” You ask. “How can you help me?”

“I'll only tell you for my release.” Lilith smiles. Her smile is terrifying.

You look back at Chan. “Absolutely not.” He says, crossing his arms, and shaking his head.

“Fine. Then watch your precious Y/N die.” She laughs. “I don't care.”

“Chan…” Hyunjin begins. “Maybe we should.”

“So you're just fine with me dying?” You snap at Chan.

“Of course I'm not! But I don't believe her.” Chan responds, glaring at Lilith. “She's a manipulator, and a fucking liar.”

“I don't believe her either.” Seungmin pipes up. “We've known her for a long time. All she does is lie.”

“That hurts me boys.” Lilith sighs. “I've done nothing but love all of you.”

“And there you go lying again.” Jeongin murmurs, rolling his eyes.

“Cut the shit, Lilith.” Han snaps. “How can you help her?”

“Let me go and I'll tell you.” She says.

“I have to go to class.” You say, turning around to go back upstairs. “Figure out if you want to save me or not.” You say, looking at Chan.

You knew the rest of them would release Lilith in a second to heal you, so why wouldn't Chan?

You grabbed your book bag, leaving the house with your mind racing at the fact that you were dying. How could this be happening to you?

You made it to campus, with little to no recollection of how you got there. You'd been so lost in your head you hadn't been paying attention to your steps, making you wonder how you managed to cross the street without getting hit by a car. Not that it mattered anyways, you were already dying.

“Y/N?” You hear.

You look up, seeing Mark hurrying towards you with a worried look on his face. “Are you okay?” He gasps, reaching out for your face. You pull away from him, annoyed that he was even talking to you.

“I'm fine.” You say, trying to walk away from him.

“You don't look fine.” He says, grabbing onto your arm. “What are they doing to you in that house?” He asks.

“This has nothing to do with them. They haven't done anything to me.” You sigh.

“Then what the hell is going on with you?” He asks.

“Why do you even care?” You snap.

“Because I still love you.”

“Well stop.”

“I can't.” He sighs. “Y/N, come back to me.”

“Leave me alone, Mark. I'm not in the mood.”

“Have you gotten checked out?” He asks.

“For fuck sakes, Mark. This isn't anything doctors can fix. I'm late for class.” You say, again trying to walk away from him but again, he won't let you.

“Y/N, please!” He urges.

“Fuck!” You scream. “Im dying, just fucking leave me be!” You cry, ripping your arm away from him. You can't be here. You turn around, walking back to the house instead of going to class. You couldn't do this today. You don't turn around as Mark calls out for you, instead focusing on just making it back to the house.

You open the door, slamming it behind you, dropping your bag onto the floor, ready to fall into a deep depression.

“You're back?” Minho asks, coming around the corner.

“Yeah.” You whisper, hanging your head down. Minho walks up to you, wrapping his arms around you. You melt into his embracing, his scent, his presence, everything was already making you feel better. “Why won't Chan let her go to save me?” You ask.

“He was going too.” Minho replies. “Well he did. He unchained her. She told us that you have to drink her blood and that would heal you.”

You pull away from him, looking hopeful, but he doesn't. He looks to the ground.

“Where is she then? What happened?” You ask.

“We were all coming upstairs, and she got out the basement door. Ripped it right off the hinges, actually.” He says. “She's a lot faster than we are.”

“She's not going to help me?” You gasp. “She did this to me!”

“I know. I'm sorry.” Minho whispers, holding you closer. “She lied. I knew she would. That's what she does.”

“Then you need to change me.” You cry.

“Y/N…” Minho sighs.

“I can't…” you trail off. The world starts to spin, your body feels heavy. Your knees feel weak, you can't hold yourself up any longer. Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath. You look at Minho, nothing but pure panic setting in. “Help.” You whisper before your body gives out on you, and everything around you goes black.

“Fuck!” Minho yells, holding onto your practically lifeless body. “Guys!”

Seconds later, Seungmin, Han, Felix and Hyunjin rush into the living room.

“What happened?” Seungmin asks, grabbing onto your hand.

“She just collapsed. I don't think we have much time.” Minho breathes. “Where's Chan? We need to make a decision.”

“She can't die. She's the one. We need her.” Han yells.

“I'll call him.” Hyunjin says, pulling out his phone. Chan answers on the first ring. “What happened?”

“It's time. We need to save her. She's fucking dying.”

“I'm on my way.” Chan says, hanging up the phone.

Minho carries you upstairs, midway, the front door swings open, Chan, Changbin and Jeongin rushing into the house and up the stairs as Minho laid you down on the bed.

“Change her. We have too.” Changbin says.

“We can't let her die and we don't have any more time.” Jeongin whispers.

“But changing her?” Chan sighs. “That's going to ruin her life.”

“Her fucking dying is going to ruin her life.” Hyunjin snaps. “And ours. She is our life.”

“I can't believe you're even questioning this.” Changbin yells. “Why are we even arguing about this? Someone fucking do it!”

Minho pushes the men back, climbing on the bed to straddle you. He moves your hair out of the way, turning your head to expose your neck. He can barely feel a pulse, as he lowers his head, opening his mouth. He sinks his teeth into your neck, the venom spilling into your body and into your blood. Chan walks out of the room, leaving the rest of the men standing there.

Minho pulls his teeth out of your neck, slowly licking up the blood spilling out of your puncture wounds.

“How long until we know?” Han asks.

“I don't know. We just have to wait and see.” Minho whispers, grabbing your hand.

All seven men sit around you on the bed, waiting and hoping that they weren't too late to save you.

**

“Excuse me, are you Mark?”

“Huh?” Mark says, startled. He pulls one headphone out, turning around seeing a beautiful woman standing there, a gorgeous smile with enticing eyes. “Oh, yeah I am. Who are you?” He asks.

“That's not important. What is important is if you want Y/N back?” She asks.

“I do. I just want to keep her safe.” Mark replies.

“That's sweet. I can help you.”

“Why would you want to help me?” He asks, but the woman doesn't answer, yet.

“Go to this address.” She says, handing him a card. “Ask for Lincoln.”

Mark looks at the address before looking back up at the woman. “Why are you helping me?”

“You want Y/N back.” She says. “And I want my boys back.”

[call-me-ninaaa]

On A Different Night - Matt Sturniolo

Matt sturniolo x fem!reader

heyy.

i'm back again with another imagine cause why not.

not proofread!

also pretend like matt can drive a motorcycle for the sake of this story.

____________

you recently moved to a new town and the only one you knew there was your brother nathan, along with his best friend matthew ofc.

after hanging out with them for a couple weeks already, the best decision was to finally put yourself out there and download some dating apps.

meeting a hot guy, y'all hit it off immediately and he asked you out on a date.

which leads you to now, in the restaurant with the guy named jason.

you're kind of having a good time and he's being a gentleman until jason started saying really crude things, telling you he'll go home with you rather you like it or not.

so that's when you excused yourself to the bathroom, going there rather quickly.

after calling nate to ask him if he can pick you up, he didn't answer so the only other number you have of someone in the area was his best friend matt.

deciding to text him that you feel unsave and asked if he can pick you up, he didn't reply for a few minutes.

'screw it, i'm gonna have to think of like a plan b, i'll just think of something.' u thought.

so walking back to the table while trying to figure out how to get home safely was the only option in ur head.

5 minutes in, the restaurant door slams open and there stands the one and only matthew sturniolo.

he walks over to your table and places the helmet he had in his hand on ur head saying 'we are leaving, let's go.'

jason tried to stop u from standing up but failed miserably when matt turned to him.

"if you get one inch closer to her, or one inch closer to me, i will END you, got that understood?" he rolled his eyes walking away with you behind him.

'why was that so.....attractive?' was the first thing that came to your mind.

you get on his bike and he drives you home, comforting you by rubbing ur legs the whole ride.

arriving to your place, you invite him in and you both start talking.

when all of a sudden you said

"yk what? i'm- i'm so sorry, like, it's a friday night and i just, took you away from whatever you were doing,like i'm just so sorry and like i should have just waited and i could have called my brother again-"

"shut up" he interrupted you.

"excuse me?"

"shut up... so do you wanna know what i was doing?"

"yeah." you answered his question.

"i had a bunch of friends over."

"oh my god i'm so s-"

"shut up!" matt interrupts you once again.

"...i saw your text, i saw you felt unsafe, i saw you needed me, i grabbed my helmet, i grabbed my keys and i left, i didn't say anything i just left, i just got on my bike and i got to you... because i will choose you over everyone else, every time!"

"...what?" was the only thing that came out of your mouth due to how speechless you were.

he began stepping towards you and leaning in.

"what are you- what are you saying?" you asked.

" i will choose you."

"okay, but what about my brother?" you thought he was going to say your brother was more worth it than u.

"over your brother every time."

"what does this mean?" you stupidly asked.

"i'll show you what it means." matt leans in, giving you the slightest peck ever.

"but we'll talk about it, on a different night when you didn't just come back from a shit date." he winks saying 'goodnight' before walking out the house leaving you standing there against the wall speechless as hell, thinking about what just happend when nate came into the house.

"what the fuck just happend?"

______________

OKAYY HOW WAS IT?

sorry if there are spelling mistakes, not proofread as i said at the start!

make sure to eat and drink enough today!!

thank you for reading and i hope you have/had a good day!

byeee!<3

word count: 704

[rocksibblingsau]

okay, I’ve been wondering how band together happens with Bergan branch for awhile, I want to know how much his brothers freak out

I imagine Branch has befriended the Pop Trolls by then and similarly bergens and trolls are at peace. The main change is there is no wedding crash because Bridget and Gristle are already married.

Honestly it's a little cursed but... I like to think instead he cut off Bridget from telling Bridget they were expecting because instead of the Broppy kiss on camera it's Bridget telling Gristle she's 'eating for two'.

So JD didn't seem bothered by the Bergens in the least which was... very odd? So John Dory doesn't freak out about Gristle just existing, but he's very confused by the fact that Bridget refers to Gristle and Branch as brothers. He assumes she means they're 'good bros'.

Bruce I like to imagine that Bergens have ended up on the island so while he used to freak out, he now knows how to handle perpetually miserable customers. Though Brandy always handles them, just in case. Lately though his Bergen clients have been in a cheerful mood, Brandy insists it's the tropical vibes and that everyone can be happy, but he doesn't know what to make of it.

I think he's a little put off by Branch constantly sitting on Gristle's shoulder, which Branch does by default as it's 1. A great mode of transportation in a place as big as Bergentown and 2. How he stayed under Gristle's watch before the true Last Trollstice so he didn't get snatched up.

The real issue comes with Clay and Viva. When they arrive to the golf course, Bridget and Gristle are attacked like normal, with Branch and Poppy working to fight off the attacking Trolls. Mostly Branch but Poppy will defend her bestie if she's gotta.

It's a lot harder to come to a peaceful discussion between them and the putt putt trolls, with Viva accusing them of being Bergen spies. Bridget and Gristle get freed by Branch and they agree to wait outside (but Gristle insists on taking the fries with them).

Clay and Viva are pretty horrified about the whole ordeal, but even more so to learn Branch was raised by Bergens. That's the moment where JD and Bruce are clued in a bit because none of them really bothered to think on it too much. Viva asks how Branch could do that knowing how many trolls fell victim to Bergens, which has Branch lashing out that he knows better than anyone about losing someone to Bergens because of what happened to his grandma.

Viva goes with them this time because she believes if they're wrong and Bridget and Gristle aren't changed that she's the only one who can protect her sister.

They have the fight they have post practicing and Branch leaves with Poppy, Bridget and Gristle. Viva demands to come too again. Branch says they'll figure out how to do a family harmony on their own to which Gristle gives his normal 'voice of reason' commentary.

Gristle: WE'RE going to figure it out? It took us until a year ago to all come to the conclusion we can be happy without eating trolls, now you want us to perform a super magical troll thing that not even the most talented trolls could do? Branch: Yeah. Gristle: *sigh* I'll get my keyboard.

It would be silly, but I like the idea that with the help of Bridget and Gristle they actually don't even need the family harmony because they both have the size and grip strength to open the diamonds themselves. So they yoink Floyd and he gets let out early. Yippieeee.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Request: Heyy bestie thank you for my tarsem story <3. If you don't mind I would like to request something with dad!Quaritch where the reader is sick and just clings to him and he loves it so much and Jake is all jealous because the reader used to cling to him before Quaritch came into the picture.

Sickness: Dad!Quaritch

It had started with a few sneezes here and there and then the coughing started and progressively got worse until one night you woke up coughing so you got up and made your way towards the kitchen to get a drink. Your dad who had been sleeping until he heard one of you, he couldn't quite figure out who it was coughing, had made his way towards the kitchen to see who it was. He was surprised to see you standing there sipping some water and god did you look miserable which made him frown.

"Hey angel, you not feeling good?" He asked. 

"No, the coughing is keeping me awake, my whole body hurts. I thought maybe the water would help but it isn't." You said sadly. 

"Come here, let me feel your forehead." He said as you set your glass down and walked over t him. 

He gently placed his hand against your forehead and felt how hot you were which he thought you probably had a cold. You relish in the relief of your father's cold hand against your forehead that felt nice against your hot skin. 

"Angel I think you have a cold." He said as you backed away from him a bit feeling a sneeze come on. 

"Sorry, I didn't want to sneeze on especially if I am sick. Do we have anything I can take to help me rest?" You asked him. 

"I think we might. Why don't you go sit on the couch while I check, okay?" He asked as you nodded your head. 

Hey angel, we only have enough for tonight, we'll stop by the Sully's in the morning to see what they suggest for you." He said taking a seat next to you. 

"Mo'at will probably make me up some medicine or we'll have to go to the lab to see what the scientist suggests. It really depends." You said breaking out into a coughing fit making your dad frown as he rubbed your back. 

After taking your medicine, you laid your head in your dad's lap making you look at your shock, he for sure thought you might go lay with your twin or your boyfriend or Jake even but not him. Sure you two were in a much better place than you two had ever been, but still having you cling to him made his heart swell. 

"Oh, angel." He said running a hand through your hair as you slept. 

The next morning when you woke up and had some soup which your twin had to help with since your dad's cooking wasn't the best but he was trying, you guys went to Mo'at to see if she could help you. 

"Oh, my yawne." Neteyam said once he saw your state as you guys walked through high camp.

"I know I feel so terrible." You said sneezing which made your throat hurt.

"Here let's get you to grandmother." He said taking your hand which made your dad smile a bit seeing how much the boy cared for you.

Just as your dad suspected, Mo'at did confirm that you had a cold that should be gone in a few days and was most likely from the other night when you and Neteyam got stuck in the rain. She said she would make you up some medicine and Neteyam said that he would have Neytiri make you some of her soup that she always made for you. After getting you home, you instantly fell asleep against your dad. 

"I'll be back later with my mom with her medicine and her soup." Neteyam said as your dad thanked him.

"Y/n is sick?" Jake asked confused as you hadn't come over to him like you normally did when you got sick. 

"Yeah me and her dad took her to grandmother this morning, so grandmother  is making her some medicine and I'm gonna bring it to her." Neteyam said. 

"Where is she right now?" He asked. 

"Sound asleep in her dad's lap." He said making Jake confused as you never slept in your dad's arms before now. 

After Neytiri finished making your soup, him and Neteyam made their way toward ya'lls tent, Jake wanting to see if what his son said about you was true. They gently walked in and sure enough there you were sound asleep in your dad's lap. 

"Hey, we brought her medicine and my mom made her some soup that will help." Neteyam said as your dad gently woke you up. 

"Here's your soup yawne, and then you can take your medicine so you start feeling better." 

"He really cares for her huh?" Your dad asked watching you and Neteyam. 

"He really does. They're good for each other. But since when did she start sleeping in your lap?" Jake asked him. 

"Took me by surprise too, but she started last night. I gave her some medicine and she was out in my lap nearly gave me a heart attack, I half expected her to go to one of them or you even but decided to enjoy it while I could." He said. 

"Yeah, it goes by too fast. Enjoy while you can. If you ever need a break let me know. Neteyam i'm heading home, I want you back by Eclipse." He said before leaving. 

The next few days Jake would frown seeing you sleeping against your dad, which used to be his spot before your dad came back into the picture. At first, your dad found it amusing that you choose him instead of Jake and not gonna lie he did purposefully walk around with you in his arms or sit where he knew Jake would see him just to rub it in his face. But then it hit him how hard this must be for Jake to deal with since he did raise you while he was gone and decided to play nice. 

"Hey, why don't you go lay with Jake while I go see what your brother is up to?" He said as you nodded your head. 

"Hey, Jake do you mind if I lay with you?" You asked him making him smile. 

"Of course, sweetheart thought you forgot about me." He said as you frowned. 

"I could never, I'm sorry I made you feel that way." You said looking up at him. 

"It's alright sweetheart, I know you have your dad now, I don't want to interfere with that." He said. 

"You could never Jake, your just much my dad as he is, I'll just try to divide my time with you two better." You said making him smile. 

"You are just as much my daughter as you are his, get some rest sweetheart." He said placing a kiss on your forehead. 

Your dad came back and smiled seeing you sound asleep against Jake, which made him happy to see because him and Jake don't always get along, but he figured maybe for your sake that they could learn how to co-parent. 

"Thank you for doing that." Jake said. 

"I hate to say this but you and Neytiri did a great job raising them, especially her. So I think we can find a happy medium with sharing them."  Quaritch said looking over at you. 

[beastofburdenxo]

A Familiar Pain

You start your period in Emmett's bed, and he takes care of you. No smut, just a small mention of blood. First fic of the year!! 774 words. @your-nanas-house

You had woken up to familiar stomach pain and cursed yourself for not being more prepared. To make things worse, you weren’t even in your bed; you had spent the night with Emmett. You raised the covers to see the unwelcome blood all over his sheets. You wanted to cry right then and there. Would Emmett be mad? “Well good morning sweetheart.” he says, rolling over to face you and giving you a kiss. “What’s wrong?” he asks, noticing the look on your face. “I’m sorry Emmett, please don’t be mad...” He raises the cover to see what you are apologizing for. “Oh sweetie, it’s okay. Don’t apologize, I'm not mad. Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Let me take care of it.” Emmett gets out of bed, and you hear him running a warm bath for you. “Come on, in the bath you go.” He scoops you up in his arms and takes you to the bathroom. You want to hide in shame as he helps you undress and sits you in the tub. “There you go sweetie,” he coos, “You’ll feel better once you get clean. The nice warm water should help with your pain too. My poor baby.” Your eyes fill with tears at his gentleness. “Don’t cry.” Emmett sits on the edge of the tub and washes your back for you. “I’m an adult, and I know you can’t always predict these things. I figured it would happen sooner or later. Now sit and relax, I'll take your clothes and the sheets and wash them, okay? Don’t worry about a thing I got it.”  

Emmett strips the bed and puts everything in the washing machine while you soak in the tub. He comes back with a pair of his shorts and a shirt, “Just until everything is good and dry.” You smile at his kindness towards the situation. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do all this. I should know better; I've been at this for years.” Emmett chuckles as he holds up a towel and wraps you up in it. “Being mad and throwing a fit doesn’t help a thing. I know it wasn’t on purpose. Besides, it’s what I'm here for; to take care of you and make things easier.” After fixing yourself up you go to the living room while Emmett checks on the laundry. “You look miserable sweetheart.” he tells you as you're sprawled out on the couch, “Anything I can do for my girl?” You look over at him, not wanting to be any more of a bother than you already are. “No.” you reply with hesitation. Of course, Emmett picks up on it. “Don’t give me that, you are in pain. I can see it. What do you need from me?” With a sigh you answer, “Will you come and rub my belly please? Your hands are always so warm, maybe give a little pressure?”  

Without a second thought, Emmett has you in his lap. You both are leaning back on the couch, your back to his chest. He takes his big hands and gently puts them underneath your shirt, right where you need it. Your eyes close at the warmth. His hands are like your own personal heating pads. “Like that, beautiful? Your tummy is so bloated, bless your little heart. I can’t believe you go through this every month. I'd be crying by now.” You lean over and nuzzle his arm. “Yes Emmett, thank you. You are always so good to me.” He slowly starts to rub your poor tummy, giving the slight pressure you asked for. “You deserve it sweetheart; you are so good to me as well. How about I fix the bed up and we take a little nap? I’ll even let you keep my hands.” You give a smile in response as he gently moves you off him. An unknown amount of time passes, as you almost drift off to sleep on the couch. Emmett picks you back up, “Come on, back to bed for you. We’ll take a little nap, and when we wake, I'll fix us something to eat. You’re choice.”  

Emmett gently places you in the bed, sheets nice and cozy warm from the dryer. “Come here, lovely, let me squeeze you some more.” You fall into his arms as his hands go back to their previous location. “I’ve got you; get some rest. I’ll be right here when you wake.” Between his lovely massage and the clean sheets, your eyes can’t help but close. The pain a faint memory as you wonder what you did to deserve a man like Emmett.  

[mikaya07]

À little teaser of my Karma x Reader x Asano x Nagisa fantasy au fanfic

Thus, you both found yourselves in a completely new world—a fresh start, a new chapter. You couldn't contain your excitement. No longer would you live as an introverted shut-in, drowning in monotony and hiding from the world. This was your rebirth—a chance to become the hero of your own story.

But of course, there was him.

That insufferable redheaded god sat squatting nearby, clutching his head dramatically as if the world was about to end. Karma Akabane—that god—was mumbling incoherent curses under his breath while random buckets kept falling on his head out of nowhere. He was probably cursing you under his breath but you decided to ignore him and focus on the dazzling world around you.

Everywhere you turned, there was something extraordinary—humanoid creatures of all sizes, semi-crowded streets filled with adventurers, and a sense of magic that made the air feel alive. Your animated expressions and reactions spoke volumes for how amazed you were. "Woah! An elf!" you squealed, pointing at a tall, pointy-eared figure in the distance. "Oh wow, is that a witch? This feels exactly like a video game, a fantasy world!" Your wide, sparkling eyes darted around with childlike wonder, taking in every detail of the world.

Then came the obnoxiously loud groan.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!"

It was Karma, naturally. You turned to find him throwing yet another tantrum. His expression was equal parts frustration and despair as he glared daggers at you.

"Stop being so loud!" you scolded. "We're in public, and people are staring. Do you want them to think you're crazy?"

He froze for a second but quickly grabbed your shoulders, shaking you back and forth like a madman. "YOU WITCH! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! I'M STUCK IN THIS STUPID, INSIGNIFICANT WORLD BECAUSE OF YOU!" he shouted, comical tears streaming down his face. "YOU—YOU LITTLE—" a bucket dropped down on his head.

You rolled your eyes and pried his hands off your shoulders. "Chill out. You can go home if it's such a big deal." you said, shrugging nonchalantly.

Karma's face darkened as he stared at you, deadpan. "That's the problem, you idiot. I can't go home until you beat the Demon King. Thanks to your brilliant idea, I'm trapped here," he muttered, crossing his arms and sulking.

"Oh well, I guess you're stuck with me!" you said cheerfully, clapping your hands together like it was the best news ever.

Karma's golden eyes narrowed at you. "Yeah, yeah. But don't forget—If I'm miserable, I'll make sure you're twice as miserable." His tone was calm, but had a menacing edge to it that made you shiver.

"Whatever." You dismissed, brushing him off. "Come on, let's find the adventurers guild or something. That's how all these king of things start, right?"

With an exaggerated sigh, Karma dragged himself behind you. "Sure. Lead the way oh fearless leader," He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

❤️

Several minutes later....

Karma had stopped walking and was staring at you with a look of smug amusement. His arms were crossed, and a small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

"You're lost, aren't you?" he asked, his voice annoyingly smug.

You froze, lowering your head in embarrassment. "...Maybe."

Suddenly, you brightened up with an idea. "Hey God," you said, spinning on your heel to face him. "Do you know the whereabouts of the adventurers guild?" 

"First of all, call me Karma. We don't wanna attract unwanted attention now," He said, raising an eyebrow. "And second, no, I don't magically know the layout of this place. This world is just one out of millions, and honestly, it's not even worth memorizing." he stretched his arms behind his back. As if on cue, another bucket dropped out of nowhere and landed squarely on his head. He sighed, pushing it off without flinching.

Damn he's useless.

With no other choice, you approached a shopkeeper and asked for directions to the adventurers guild. After convincing him that you were hopelessly lost, he gave you clear directions.

Feeling confident now, you turned to Karma with a smug grin. "See? I got it. Follow me."

Karma raised an eyebrow, trailing behind you as you led the way. "Congratulations. You can ask for directions. Truly a hero in the making," he said dryly, though there was a faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes.

❤️

The lively buzz of the adventurers' tavern hit you as soon as you stepped inside. Warriors, mages and rogues filled the room, boasting of their exploits or nursing tankards of ale. You couldn't help but feel a spark of excitement. This was it, the start of your new journey. You felt like you had finally fit in.

Karma trailed behind you, looking distinctly unimpressed as his amber orbs scanned the room. He noticed many staring towards his direction, mainly at him and most were women, admiring his appearance. You had noticed it too. Couldn't blame them though. After all he was really handsome. Well when his mouth was shut.

Ignoring the stares, your gaze landed on a beautiful young women with deep chestnut brown hair that was tied up in a ponytail with her red coloured scrunchie. She had a professional smile and an air of grace that immediately caught your attention. Her figure further emphasised her matured look. You marched towards her.

"Excuse me! We'd like to sign up as adventurers please!" you said, practically bouncing on your heels.

The woman, who's name tag read as Toka Yada offered you a friendly smile. "Of course! Welcome to the Adventures' Guild. You'll need to pay a small registration fee to get started."

Your enthusiasm dimmed. "Oh we need money?" You asked, sheepishly, glancing at Karma, who was now leaning casually against the counter with his usual smirk.

"Don't worry, I've got this." Karma said, pushing himself off the counter and sauntering toward a random table. You had no idea what he was planning, but knowing him, it couldn't be good.

He had stepped in front of an elderly man dressed in priestly robes and cleared his throat. "Greetings, mortal," Karma said, his voice taking on a pompous tone. "Behold, for you are in the presence of a god." He struck a dramatic pose, one hand raised as if he were blessing the room.

You slapped a hand on your face.

Oh no.

The old man blinked, then gave Karma a warm smile. "A god, you say? Well then, tell me what deity you serve?"

"Heh, I am the God Of Chaos, Karma Akabane!" he replies, confidently. The priest's eyes narrow slightly. "I see. As it happens, I am a devoted follower of Yuuma Isogai. The God Of Preservasion and Abundance." he raises a necklace showing him the symbolic pendant. "And while I respect all divine beings, I find it quite improper to boast blatantly about your supposed status."

Karma's cheeks turned faintly pink, a rare sight that immediately committed to your memory. Before he could dig himself deeper, the old man sighed and handed over a small pouch of coins.

"Here, take this and use it wisely. I wish you the best, Follower of the God of Chaos." He flashes him a close-eyed smile. Karma snatches the pouch, muttering something under his breath, and stalked back to you.

"Here." He shoved the coins in your hands. "Go pay before I change my mind." you stared at him. Half shocked, half trying not to laugh. You then turned towards Yada who was carefully avoiding both of your gaze, her polite smile strained. It seemed she felt second-hand embarrassement as her cheeks were tainted of a pink hue. That suddenly made you blush, feeling embarrassed. However you handed the registration fee anyway.

"Thank you." Yada said, handing you both shiny new cards that looked like IDs. Your name, age and stats were displayed neatly on the surface. "Please fill in these forms and I'll analyse your stats to determine your recommended class."

You eagerly filled in the form and handed it back. The brunette placed it in the Crystal device and a holographic projection of your stats appeared in mid air. She scanned it briefly before her smile faltered.

"Ah..." she began hesitantly. "Your luck stat is quite high..."

"Awesome!" you grinned. "Soo, what kind of adventurer does that make me?" you asked.

Yada hesitated, her eyes darted toward Karma, who wore a knowing smirk, seeing right threw her. She then looked back at you. "Well high luck is um not particularly useful in combat. I would recommend perhaps a merchant? Luck is quite handy for bargaining and trade."

You froze. "A merchant? You're saying I'm not good enough to be an adventurer?"

"N-Not at all!" Yada said quickly, waving her hands. "It's just that—"

"A merchant, huh?" Karma interrupted, chuckling under his breath. "Yeah that suits you perfectly. You can sell healing potions while I take out the Demon King." A bin cap drops on his head.

You shot him a glare, your face burning with embarrassment and indignation. "Oh, shut up!"

Yada coughed, awkwardly, trying to maintain her composure. "You can still choose any class you want of course," Yada said. "It's just a suggestion based on your stats."

You huffed and crossed your arms. "Fine. I'll show you. I'll be the greatest adventurer this world has ever seen—even with luck as my highest stat!"

Karma snickered. "Sure. Let's see how far 'luck' takes you." Another bin cap drops on his head but he barely flinches anymore as he's used to it.

It took all your power not to smack that annoying, obnoxious asshole.

"Alright, your turn," Yada said, turning to Karma with a polite smile as she handed him a form.

He filled it out lazily, clearly disinterested by the whole process. "Do I really need to do this? I'm already perfect in every way that matters," he muttered, handing the form back.

Yada placed his form on the glowing crystal and the holographic projection of Karma's stats materialized.

"W-What the..." Yada's eyes widened as she leaned in for a closer look. "These stats are... incredible!"

She stares at his stats in awe "Your strength and intelligence are off the charts! However your luck is 'quite' abysmal." She says.

The murmurs started immediately, rippling through the room like wildfire.

Karma smirked, basking in the attention. He casually flipped his red hair out of his eyes, his cocky demeanor dialed up to eleven."Well, of course. I am amazing, after all. Did you expect anything less from me?" he said, his voice dripping with self-satisfaction while a bin cap dropped on his head.

You crossed your arms, glaring daggers at him. "Oh, give me a break," you muttered under your breath.

Karma noticed your sour expression and leaned closer, his smirk widening. "Jealous, are we?"

"Jealous? Of you? Please," you scoffed, even though the truth was written all over your face.

"Don't worry," he said, patting your head condescendingly. "With my stats and your... uh, Luck, we'll balance each other out. Teamwork makes the dream work, right?"

You slapped his hand away. "I don't need you to carry me!"

Meanwhile, Yada cleared her throat, clearly trying to remain professional despite the chaos. "Your stats are remarkable, Karma. With numbers like these, you're qualified to choose nearly any class you like."

"Hear that?" Karma said smugly, glancing around the room as if expecting a standing ovation. "I'm what they call a natural-born legend." A bin cap falls on his head.

"Don't let it go to your head," you muttered, trying to shrink under the weight of everyone's stares.

Despite your best efforts to ignore him, Karma's smug aura was impossible to escape. The tavern continued to buzz with murmurs, and you couldn't help but feel like your thunder had been thoroughly stolen.

"Let's go," you snapped, grabbing his arm and dragging him away from the counter.

"Aw, don't be so grumpy," Karma teased, leaning down to whisper in your ear. "I'll make sure to save you a spot in my shadow when I become the greatest hero in this world." a bin cap drops on his head.

"You're insufferable," you muttered.

This dick stole my thunder.

With that, Karma had decided to be an Advanced Arch-priest while you were a lower class adventurer.

❤️

Work

The days had blended into a monotonous cycle of hard labor. Both of you had taken up jobs as day laborers—menial work, but it kept you afloat. Dressed in white loose tank tops and scruffy trousers, Karma painted buildings with a nonchalant ease while you stacked bricks in the scorching sun. His exposed arms were well toned along with parts of his semi-exposed skin. The tank top he wore further accentuated his toned body, which you couldn't help but admire.

You worked alongside large, muscular men whose skin glistened with sweat. Their loud laughs echoed through the site, but they barely noticed you, too busy with their own tasks. Karma, however, seemed to revel in the absurdity of it all, humming obnoxiously as he painted, occasionally flicking paint at you when he thought you weren't looking.

Cleansing

After grueling work, the public hot tub was a luxury you couldn't resist. Despite the expense, soaking in the steaming water felt like heaven. You relished the warmth enveloping your sore muscles, letting the day's grime melt away.

Karma had finished his bath earlier and was waiting for you, outside, grumbling about the cost and how he'd rather spend the money on food. Meanwhile, you stayed a little longer, savoring the rare moment of peace.

Tavern

Evenings were for indulgence. You both splurged on hearty meals: steak, roasted chicken, fresh bread, and savory sides you couldn't name but devoured anyway. The highlight, however, was the tavern's famous drink, Bubbly.

Karma, ever the connoisseur of trouble, developed a dangerous obsession with the fizzy, intoxicating brew. "This is the nectar of the gods," he declared, slamming his mug down as the room erupted into laughter.

The night often ended with both of you tipsy, surrounded by other adventurers swapping exaggerated tales of glory and danger. For a brief moment, you felt like you belonged—until the reality of your situation hit again.

Nighttime

The harsh truth was waiting for you in the cold stable you called home. With only two thin blankets—one to shield the hay beneath you, the other to keep you warm—you tried to find comfort in a place that reeked of manure. Every so often, you'd wake to find it disturbingly close to your face, reminding you just how far from luxury you were.

This cycle continued for days until one night, you woke up in the middle of the night, groaning in frustration.

"Ughhhhhh, this sucks," you whined, sitting up and rubbing your temples.

Karma stirred beside you, his voice groggy. "What? Do you need to pee?"

You shot him a glare in the dim light. "There's no toilet, Karma. Or did you forget we're dirt poor and sleeping in a stable?"

He chuckled, resting his head on his hand, staring at you with his half lidded eyes and his signature smirk. "Just pee outside. What, you scared of the dark? Need me to come with?"

"I'm not scared of the dark! And I don't need to pee!" You screamed, drawing a muffled groan from one of the other stables.

Karma smirked. "Then what's the problem?"

You clenched your fists. "The problem is, I didn't come here to stack bricks and make pennies. I came here to be an adventurer. I want to be rich!"

"Right." Karma yawned and stretched. "Well, sweetheart, that involves fighting monsters, and with my crappy Luck and your incredibly low stats, we'd get annihilated in five minutes. You're dreaming if you think we're surviving that."

"THATS BECAUSE WE'RE STUCK IN THE SAFEST PART OF THE TOWN!" you shot back. "WE CANT JUDT SIT HERE FOREVER. I REFUSE TO WASTE ANOTHER DAY WAKING UP TO LITERAL SHIT NEAR MY FACE! AND ARENT YOU LIKE A GOD? YOU'RE LIKE INSANELY POWERFUL!! YOU CAN FIGHT ALL THE MONSTERS THAT COME OUR WAY?"

One of your neighbors shouted, "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"

"Sorry!" you yelled back, shrinking under the blanket.

Karma sighed and lay back down, facing you. "If you're dead set on it, fine. Tomorrow, we'll try this adventuring thing. Just don't get yourself killed."

You locked eyes with him in the dark. "We're not just going to try. We're going to do it. I'm not living like this anymore."

Karma rolled his eyes but smirked. "Alright, boss. Let's see what you've got."

And with that, the two of you drifted back to sleep, ready to face the next chapter of your journey.

❤️

You and Karma had ventured into the open fields for your first-ever quest as adventurers. The task was simple or so you thought: kill five toads. Completing it would earn you 20 experience points, level you up, and reward you with 300 Yuumas. (Yuumas was the currency of this world.)

Killing toads was considered the easiest quest for experienced adventurers. After all, they had low health points, were too focused on eating their prey to notice much else, and actively avoided armored adventurers since they were too heavy to carry.

But that was for experienced adventurers. For you and Karma, it was pure hell.

Armed with nothing but a tiny dagger, you had little hope of surviving. And Karma? Forget him. He had arrogantly refused a weapon, claiming, "A god as powerful as me doesn't need such mortal trinkets."

Yeah, useless.

The disaster began almost immediately.

"AHHHHHHH! KARMA, SAVE ME!" you screeched, sprinting across the field as a gigantic toad bounded after you, its slimy tongue flicking inches from your back.

Behind you, Karma was doubled over, clutching his stomach as he laughed hysterically.

"Pfft—HAHAHA! Look at you! A red-faced, desperate, screaming mess! This is priceless!" he cackled, his voice dripping with sadistic glee.

"KARMA! HELP ME!" you wailed, tears streaming down your cheeks as you ran for your life.

He smirked, clearly savoring your misery. "Well, that depends. Are you ready to grovel? Say, 'Oh, my handsome, righteous god—'"

"OH, MY HANDSOME, RIGHTEOUS GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!" you interrupted, desperation overriding your pride.

I'm going to BURY him after this.

Karma grinned. "Good start. Now, promise to worship me, pray to me three times a day, think about me constantly, sing my praises—"

Before he could finish, a slimy tongue whipped around his torso and yanked him backward.

"What the—?" His smugness evaporated as the toad opened its massive jaws and gulped him whole.

The toad that had been chasing you suddenly forgot about you, now busy with its new meal. You froze, screaming, "KARMA! DON'T YOU DARE GET SWALLOWED!"

Fueled by a mix of terror and fury, you lunged at the frog, dagger in hand. With one swift slice, you tore through its slimy flesh.

❤️

Karma sat on the grass, coughing and spitting out mucus. After that, he puked. It wasn't normal puke, it had a rainbow like colour and it didn't smell of anything. From head to toe, he was drenched in the toad's white, gooey slime. The stench was so unbearable that even the air around him seemed offended.

He wiped his face, avoiding your gaze. "Thanks," he muttered, humiliated.

"No problem," you replied.

Silence stretched between you as Karma simmered in his embarrassment. But his anger soon bubbled over.

"That's IT!" he snarled, leaping to his feet. He charged at another toad with reckless abandon, his fist glowing faintly with a yellow aura.

"KARMA, WAIT—DON'T GO!" you shouted, panic rising.

He ignored you, yelling like a lunatic. "THIS is what happens when you defile a god!" His fist connected with the frog, sending a powerful shockwave that stripped its slimy skin clean off.

You stared, stunned. "What the—how did you—?"

Karma smirked smugly, basking in his own glory. "Told you I didn't need a weapon. Who's the useless one now, huh?"

But before he could continue gloating, a chorus of ribbits sounded around him. Four massive toads emerged from the shadows, their tongues lashing out mercilessly, wrapping him up like a mummy.

"W-WAIT! NOT AGAIN!" Karma yelped, flailing as he was tossed around like a rag doll.

Groaning, you charged in with your dagger, slicing through the swarm of frogs to rescue him—again.

"Forget the stupid mission. Let's head back to the tavern. We'll figure things out." you say. He nods in agreement but first things first, he needs to take a shower.

❤️

Back at the tavern, you slumped at the table while Karma devoured yet another serving of roasted frog legs, a smug grin plastered across his face.

"We need allies if we want any chance at defeating the Demon King," you said, frustration lacing your tone.

Karma nodded between bites. "Exactly. That’s why we’ll form a party. Don’t worry—I know just what to do."

You didn’t like the confidence in his voice.

🕒

Hours later, Karma triumphantly pinned up a freshly written poster on the town’s central board.

🕛

Four days passed, and the two of you were back in the tavern, staring at the same untouched poster.

"Ugh, why isn’t anyone joining?" Karma groaned, slouching over the table.

You crossed your arms, glaring at him. "Gee, I don’t know, maybe because YOU MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANYONE TO QUALIFY?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

You pointed to the poster. "'Only the ELITE of each individual class need apply—no mediocres or low-class adventurers allowed.' Karma, this town is literally full of beginner and low-class adventurers!"

Karma scoffed. "Well, excuse me for wanting quality over quantity. We need the best if we’re going to take down the Demon King. A bunch of amateurs won’t do."

You rolled your eyes. "Look, with you already being an advanced Arch Priest, we don’t need a team full of elites. Besides, being surrounded by overpowered adventurers would just make me feel like a loser."

Karma replied with a straight face. "But you are a loser."

Kill yourself

Before you could retort, the sound of approaching footsteps cut through the air. They grew louder, stopping just behind Karma. He immediately stiffened and turned around. You followed his gaze.

Standing there was a blue-haired boy with a soft but confident presence. His cloak was modest, and his staff had a practical design—clearly well-used but carefully maintained. He wore a black wizard hat.

"Excuse me," he said politely, his voice calm and measured, "are you still looking for party members?"

Both you and Karma stared, blinking in surprise, before nodding slowly.

The boy cleared his throat, preparing himself for a dramatic introduction. "I am Nagisa Shiota, an advanced upper class mage and I want to join your team!"

--------

If you want to read the full story, find it on Quotev. It's called Eternal

Link:

[tirfpikachu]

gyns this is too much

i'm like. genuinely so freaking happy with my life

i have regular work again and i'm doing writing contests and i'm so freaking excited for my pokegyns zine + insta zine + substack + youtube + studying filmmaking and i genuinely feel like my heart is growing wings and floating a bit like... i'm getting emotional... up until like, 3-4 months ago i didn't feel like a real person, i didn't feel like an independent human being with agency and a real personality, i didn't feel like i had solid goals or hopes or dreams or a future, i felt like i would always be a wreck and i would never feel truly easygoing or confident in myself and my abilities... but i'm really starting to truly feel like a grown ass woman, and yeah i'm taking an alternative path to a pretty funky, chaotic career but i beat to the beat of my own drum and i freaking love it!!! i'm slowly but surely making it happen!!!!

thank you so much to all my nuancefems who keep me going and inspire me so much and make me feel so heard and seen. idk where i would be without you, i would've just crawled into bed and cried and hibernated into the bachelor's lifestyle forever and ever, and hated my own guts, feeling like a terrible bigot for my nuance and like i'd never make smth of myself. but this tirf/nuancefem space we're slowly carving out, i promise to make it into smth big. i'm gonna write a nuanced book about radblr and market it like fucking crazy. i'm gonna go to film school and make a real documentary about it and hire mostly nuancefems & sapphics to help me with the project. i'm gonna make an animated tv show and take it to netflix and other big companies, or wing it and just put it up on youtube. i'm gonna make a social media site for nuancefems. i'm gonna make a sapphic visual novel with the main character representing me, and having her/my laptop found full of radblr politics. i'm gonna shed a HUGE ASS SPOTLIGHT on the details abt this community that people don't fucking know yet make so many assumptions about. i know i'm a controversial figure on radblr, i know it, but even those who feel distaste for me and my journey, i want you to know i'll try my very best to represent the radblr community in a decent, nuance, complex way and i won't dumb down the takes that even "meanfems" put out there. i don't want to speak on behalf of other subcategories of gyns within radblr, it wouldn't be fair. i can only talk abt my nuancefem movement and how the concept of tirfism peaked me and so many others at our very worst.

these are seem like delusionally huge projects, but i'm saying this with 100% confidence, somehow, against all odds. as long as i pace myself correctly and strategize and seek as much knowledge as i can i know i can make it. idk why exactly but idc. i know i have the skills it takes to make it big and turn this into a big, powerful movement, and just stop the demonization of the entire radical feminist community. i know i have the right people. i know i'm learning enough to make it happen in the next 5ish years. and i don't even care what other people say anymore, which i've never managed to do in the past. i feel like this is a whole new chapter and i'm so grateful to have finally made it to a point where i can actually start living, not just surviving miserably debilitated by lack of confidence and anxiety 24/7. things are still a bit shaky, but i'm figuring so much out and my networking has brought some really incredible opportunities my way!! i'm so excited for 2025.

thank you for sticking in my corner, or at least peeking into it every now and then if you're a lurker/newbie. i appreciate u all so much 🫶

[into-the-hellaverse]

Lucifer's Bad Night

HOLD ON, ADAM! HELP IS ON THE WAY!

Thank you all so much for the support! I can't believe all this spawned from a commission. I genuinely thought it would be one and done, "this is all you're getting goodbye" but you guys have all been so kind and supportive! Tysm!

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of rape and abuse

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was...lonely, in the palace. No Lilith, no Charlie, no Adam... The silence was eating him up. It was even worse since Charlie took his pills. She was a smart kid, and figure out something was wrong pretty easily. She knew her father well, and knew he wouldn't get over this whole thing that easily. And it wasn't like he hid them either, so when she found the pills she blew up at him. He could still hear her screams like it was yesterday...

"I thought you were over this! You don't need these!"

"If I take them, then I don't feel like I want to die! I can actually be happy for once! Everything reminds me about what I lost and I can actually forget for once in my miserable life!"

"Fucking Hell, you're worse than Angel! If you wanna be like this, then go do it at your own home! Not in my goddamn hotel!"

"Fine! Go fuck yourself!"

"Right back atchya, you pice of shit good for nothing WASTE OF SPACE FATHER!"

Lucifer had no idea she had that in her, but at least he knew how she really felt now...

He just spent most of his time in bed, scrolling through Adam's Sinstagram again and not bothering to ask Belle for more pills. Talking to her felt like more trouble than what it was worth anyway...

He refreshed Adam's page for five minutes before seeing a new post about last minute tickets. $100 for some nosebleed seats to see Adam live in the Greed Ring... He had to take his chance. He might not get another one. He had to talk to him. Say something. Apologize. Beg for forgiveness. Just anything to try and make this right.

So, he bought a ticket. As soon as he got the confirmation, he just started staring at the clock. He didn't even move from his bed. He just stared at his little red wall clock, occasionally looking at his phone to check the date (and spy on Adam or see if Charlie called him.) 5 days passed, with Lucifer just staring at the clock. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He didn't even move until it was time for him to get ready for the concert, and even then he just threw on a white sweatsuit and some sneakers before heading down to Greed. But as soon as he arrived...

"Jesus Christ..." He should've gotten there sooner. He was miles away from the venue and the line seemed to stretch on forever. "There's no way I'm getting in..."

"Yeah! We're gonna be packed like sardines!" Someone said.

"I paid $1000 for this?!"

Lucifer just sighed and stood in the long line. It was moving kinda fast, but he was still super far from the entrance. He pulled out his phone and just stared at the home screen for a while. He shouldn't. She wouldn't answer...

But it wouldn't hurt to try...

He clicked on Charlie's contact and listened to the phone ringing. It rang and rang and rang...

"Hey! You almost reached Charlie Morningstar! Sorry I couldn't take your call, I'm a bit busy right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back! Byeeeeeeeee-" Her goodbye was cut off by the beep.

He sighed softly. "Hey, Charlie... It's your dad.... Again... Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. I wasn't in the right headspace. I really want to fix things between us... Call me back soon... Please..." He pulled the phone away and hung up.

"Kid problems?" One of the people in line asked.

"Yeah..."

"If you need any help, just give me a call, yeah?" They handed him a business card and went back to their conversation.

Lucifer looked down, a little confused, and utterly disgusted when he read the card.

Jaxon Cuck, Family Sex Therapist. Call 1-800-666-FUCK

Lucifer tore the business card up and threw it to the ground. "I'm gonna throw up then kill myself..."

Hours passed in the line, and Lucifer was getting impatient. The line was moving every second, but it felt like it wasn't getting any shorter. He kept bouncing on his feet, looking around and trying to see the entrance. He thought about leaving and giving up every few minutes, but something in his gut told him to stay. He had to see Adam. He didn't have a choice in this.

"Next!"

"Finally!" Lucifer rushed forward and pulled out his phone, showing the security guard the ticket confirmation on his phone.

The bodyguard looked at it briefly and scanned a list before he sighed. "I apologize, Your Majesty, but you're blacklisted. We have to ask you to leave."

Normally, Lucifer would cause a fuss. He'd demand to be let in, even show his horns and wings and start spitting fire. But tonight... He just didn't have the fight.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize," he said, smiling apologetically. "Have a good night." He left the line and sat on a nearby filthy bench. He held his head in his hands and slowly started to cry. $100 dollars, put to waste, all for nothing...

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" A tall imp sat beside, putting their arm around Lucifer's shoulders.

"I just..." He started sobbing heavily and pulled at his hair. "I need to get in tonight! I have to talk to Adam! It's been almost a year! If I don't take this chance, it'll never happen again!"

"Why do you need to see some guy playing a guitar?"

"Because I just have this...bad feeling or something! He's my ex but I don't think everything is ok! I need to talk to him but I'm blacklisted!" Lucifer sobbed and covered his face in shame. He felt pathetic...

"There there, just keep breathing, sweetheart." They patted his back and pulled out a pack of tissues. "You really need to see Adam?"

Lucifer just nodded and said some gibberish.

"Alright..." They tapped on their phone for a minute or two before pulling his up by front of his hoodie and dragging him to the entrance. "Follow me."

"Hey! I was here first!" Someone said.

"Shut up, slut. Hey, Benny," the imp said sweetly.

"Jackie!" The security guard smiled and gave the imp a hug. "Whatcha doing here?"

"I wanted to see the opening set, Cyclone." Jackie pulled out their phone and showed him the ticket.

"Alright, everything's good. Wanna hang after the concert?" Benny asked.

"Sure. If you buy me a drink." Jackie smiled and pulled Lucifer in along with them.

"Jackie-"

"He's with me."

"No, Jackie, he's-"

"With. Me." Jackie glared at them and pulled Lucifer in. "He won't do anything. He's been trying to sleep with me for like, 5 years. He's in too deep to piss me off."

Lucifer wiped his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Thanks, Jackie."

"Anytime." They got into the venue and it was packed like sardines. You could barely move around. "Hope you get to talk to your guy. I'm gonna get wasted." Jackie quickly disappeared in the crowd and Lucifer was left at the front.

"Ok. I got in... Now what?" He said to himself. There had to be a backstage area. He slowly started squeezing through the crowd, taking every opening and slowly going deeper and deeper into the crowd. He'd occasionally pause, standing on his tiptoes and looking around, trying to find some way to get backstage. This seemed hopeless.

Deeper and deeper into the crowd, and every step slowly chipped away at any semblance of faith he had in his half-baked plan. He stopped again and looked around, seeing a service entrance to the backstage. His eyes lit up and he smiled to himself. If he could just sneak back there, he could find Adam's dressing room. But the entrance had two big security guards blocking the way. He had to think of a distraction. Fast.

"Hey, don't shove me!"

"You shoved me first!"

Or maybe he didn't.

A fight quickly broke out and everyone backed away. People took sides, bets were quickly placed, and the security guards rushed over to try and break it up. The crowd parted like the Red Sea to let the guards through, and Lucifer rushed through the gap when no one was looking. For once, he thanked God for making him short.

He ran through the service entrance and tried to look around the dimly lit hallway. He let his feet carry him, taking random twists and turns until he tripped over a cable and planted face first into the floor. He groaned, slowly pushing himself off the ground and noticing a small blood splatter left behind. "Crap..." He winced as he wiped the blood away from his now broken nose and finally got a chance to look around.

This hallway looked different. Good lighting, beige walls, and a lot of doors. Lucifer got to his feet and walked slowly, seeing multiple different names on every door.

"Must be dressing rooms or something. Adam's has to be here..." He picked up the pace, looking frantically down the hallway and trying to find the right room. He groaned at each incorrect name, rushing to the next door and groaning again. He wanted to pull his hair out. Adam's dressing room had to be around her somewhere! Why did he even come her in the first place?! Adam didn't want to see him! This felt hope-

"Yes!" Lucifer ran up to the door of Adam's dressing room and tried to open it. Locked.

"Of course it's fucking locked. Everything else has gone to shit tonight so of course the door is fucking locked." He started looking in the pockets of his sweatsuit, hoping to find something. He usually left a lot of stuff in his pockets and forgot about them. Maybe he left something he could use to pick a lock.

A pen? No.

Old receipts? Definitely not.

Coins? Maybe? No. They could fit into the slit of the lock, but he needed something to jiggle the interns pins.

A gift card? "When did I get this?" He mumbled. He tried shoving it between the door and the door jamb and jiggling the knob. He's seen the work in movies, so I had to work.

...

The movies fucking lied.

"Jesus fucking Christ, do I have anything?" He pulled the gift card out and checked his pockets again, finally finding his saving grace.

"Bobby pin, yes!" He whispered, bending it and shoving it into the lock. He wiggled it around, trying to hit the pins. This had to work.

"Hey, you got those tickets to Mammon's Clown Pagent, right?"

Lucifer froze. The voice sounded far away, but it was getting closer.

"Yeah. Front row, too."

"Seriously?! Those are so hard to get!"

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck..." Lucifer whispered and jiggled the bobby pin around, hoping, begging, praying, pleading this would-

click

"Yes!" He pulled out the bobby pin and rushed into the room, closing and locking it behind him. He stayed there for a moment or two, trying to quietly catch his breath and hope whoever was there didn't see him.

"Do you think Glitz and Glam will be there?"

"Of fucking course, dumbass! They have to defend their titles..."

The voices faded away and he let out a sigh of relief. He reached along the wall and flipped the light switch, looking around the room briefly. A vanity with a lot of makeup (when did Adam start wearing makeup?), a movable clothes rack packed with outfits, couch, coffee table, normal stuff you expect to see in a dressing room. But something caught Lucifer's eye in the corner.

"Eden?" Lucifer went over and picked up the guitar. "Why would he perform without Eden?"

Adam had carried that guitar with him for years, centuries even. She (yes, Eden is a she) used to be lyre, but he modified her over the years to keep up with the times, and she never left his side. He slept with that damn thing.

He put Eden back in the same position he found her in and looked for a place to hide. If Adam just randomly saw him in the room, he'd probably scream for security. He looked back at the clothes rack. Most of the outfits reached the floor, and it was packed to the brim. If he could just squeeze in there...

He pressed his back into the corner and squatted down slightly to make sure he wasn't seen. Perfect.

"Now I just gotta wait..." He pulled out his phone and put it on silent, turning down the volume to mute everything, and played dome mindless games. Wordle, Match 3, Mammonopoly Go, anything to keep his brain occupied for the next 3 or so hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 and half hours. Lucifer ended up having to sit on the floor cause his thighs started to hurt. And now his butt was numb. And his phone was almost dead. And still no sight of Adam.

Lucifer groaned and ran his hands over his face. "Why did I do this...?" He mumbled. "Maybe I should just go home..." But he didn't move an inch. He gut told him to stay. His heart told him something was wrong. His brain knew Adam wasn't ok. There has been signs for months. He had to at least try to speak to him, figure out what the fuck was going on.

He heard the sound of keys outside the door and stood up, squeezing himself into the corner-wallsit again to try and hide. He peeked through the hangers and saw someone enter the room. The brown hair, the tired eyes. It was him. Adam. Finally...

"Great show, Addy!" Oh god, why the fuck was Mammon here?

Mammon slammed the door shut and locked it. "Your fans were practically climbing that stage tuh get tuh ya!

"Uh huh..." Adam just sat at the vanity and pulled out some makeup wipes.

"Why so down, Adam?" Mammon asked, getting closer to him.

"Just exhausted," Adam said, wiping away the layers of foundation and green eyeshadow. Wait, is that a black eye? "You know those shows take a lot out of me."

"Well..." Mammon got closer, wrapping his arms around Adam. "Maybe I could put pep in your step?" His voice sounded low and sultry. Disgusting...

Adam mumbled something Lucifer couldn't hear, and Mammon's smile turned to a scowl. "What?"

"I said, get your hands off of me..." Adam said firmly.

In the blink of an eye, Mammon had Adam pressed against the wall. Lucifer couldn't see him, but from the sound of it, Adam was struggling to breathe.

"Your body and your music is mine. I will do whatever the fuck I want with it. Understand?"

There was silence, except for Adam's struggle.

"Speak!"

"Y-es, Mamm- Mammon..."

"Good boy..." He let go and Adam dropped to the ground, trying to catch his breath. "You have some fans coming back here in 30 minutes. They paid extra to meet your sorry ass. Get them put quick and come back home, 'kay?"

"Yes, Mammon..."

The Sin quickly turned and left, leaving Adam alone in the room to curl up and cry.

Lucifer just stared in shock, his breath caught in his throat. Should he come out? Should he just stay and wait until Adam left? I mean, he was actually right. Something was wrong, and he had to fix it. So, he slowly stepped out and walked towards him.

"Adam-"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Adam backed into the nearest corner.

"Adam! Adam, it's just me!" Luckfer held up his hand and backed up a little bit. "I-I know I'm the last person you want to talk to, but... I just needed to check on you..."

Adam took a few shakey breaths. "Well, congrats. Someone finally beat you for last place..." He said, curling up and looking away.

Lucifer was silent for a bit. "Mammon?"

Adam didn't respond, just looked way as he tried to stop crying.

Lucifer went over and sat beside him, trying to give him some space still. "This isn't the first time he's done it, is it?" He asked, staring at the visible balck eye.

Adam caught his gaze and just silently shook his head. "No..."

"Do you...wanna talk about it? You might feel better if you do..." Lucifer offered.

Adam was silent for what felt like an eternity. Lucifer just looked at him, apologetic and sympathetic. "You don't have to-"

"He started hitting me about 6ish months ago..." Adam said. "He hid it for a while. Played the perfect boyfriend before he trapped me. Then he started to change. He was ruder, he'd say terrible things about me, behind my back amd to my face, he even got me this shitty guitar so I wouldn't have to use Eden. He called her a hunk of junk and tried to throw her away... And when I wanted to leave, he finally showed his true colors..."

"Is that all he did?"

Adam sighed heavily, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled at his clothes. "Sometimes, when he thinks I'm asleep... He touches me in places I...really don't want him to touch..." His voice was shallow and shakey. It was like he couldn't breathe. "And he... He tries to fuck me... If I tell him no, he hits me and does it anyway. And if I say yes... Well, he still does it. But I'm just lying to get it over with..."

Lucifer looked at him, shocked and upset. "Adam..."

"Don't start. There's nothing you can do..."

Lucifer glared softly. "Adam, I am the King of Hell. Mammon has to listen to me. He doesn't have a choice."

"He's twice your size. He'd fold you like a lawn chair and take your throne..."

Lucifer sighed and looked away. He had to choose his next words carefully. "Do you want to leave him?"

"Yes, but-"

"Do you want to leave him?" Lucifer asked again, his voice firm.

"I do, but-"

"Adam." Lucifer cut him off. "It is a simple yes or no question. Do you want out of this relationship?"

"...yes..." Adam sad softly.

"Then I'll do everything in my power to get you out as safely and quietly as possible. As much as I hate him, I do not need him throwing a hissy fit and tearing the Seven Rings to shreds..." He sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair. "I think I already know what to do, but it'll take probably two to three weeks. Can you survive with him for that long?"

"I..." Adam sighed softly. "I'll try..."

"Don't try. Do it."

Adam looked at him and forced a laugh. "Throwing my own words back at me, Morningstar?"

Lucifer just smiled at him, going back to silence.

"You should probably leave soon. Security is usually in her for backstage meet and greets. If they see you, they'll throw you out, King of Hell or not."

Lucifer sighed and stood up. "Yeah, that's smart. Can I see your phone before I leave?"

Adam glared. "Why?"

"Because I wanna give you my number but I need to make it inconspicuous so Mammon doesn't know it's me."

Adam dropped his glare and immediately pulled out his phone, unlocking it and handing it over to Lucifer.

Lucifer briefly scrolled through his contacts list, looking at all the different names. The only two people he had on there were Mammon and his marketing agent. The rest was food delivery numbers. So, Lucifer put his number in under "Other Other Pizza Guy".

"If you need some relief, send an S.O.S, call or text, something so I can help, ok?"

Adam stared at his phone, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled. Not a forced smile like in every Sinstagram post Lucifer saw. He genuinely smiled. "Thanks, Morningstar..."

"Anytime, First Man..."

[tobiasdrake]

One last task to take care of before we infiltrate Fort Fleshy.

I was twiddling them earlier when I was flying around the map just to see what I could find. This place is definitely an intricate combination lock.

Could be the key to releasing Duke Aventry. Might just be Roro's porn stash. Either way, we won't know until we've cracked it. Personally, I think we should forego the lock and just bring Yolande in to blow this support column to hell.

Sure, we can also do that. Yoyo knows everything and is loyal to no one, so there's no reason she wouldn't assist us but no guarantee that she would either. Worth a shot.

Your swamp is a maze and I hate it. Give me useful information or I'll make your other eye look like the one I'm wearing on this necklace.

...

I mean. Good afternoon, Yoyo. What a pleasant day we're having. Could you possibly help me break into your sister's porn stash?

Yep. Got it. Just like the Watchmaker. Not motivated enough to directly assist us but also not motivated enough to put up with the violence that's going to ensue if you don't. One whole "Not My Fucking Problem", served and delivered.

I've seen these runes before. I remember wondering what they were about. But the Roro Heist was so long ago, I'd forgotten.

Thanks, Yoyo. This was a fairly neutral level of non-assistance. Your cauldron didn't even tell me anything new; Just reminded me of answers I've already witnessed.

Here we go. The most closely-held secrets of the embodiment of evil incarnate....

...are a backdoor into this vault we've already been in. Okay but why tho.

What is even the point of this? The combination to the lock is written on the wall, and if you take that combination to an island off the coast and enter it into a secret crypt, it will open a passage to bring you right back here but now the treasure's unlocked.

This is the most roundabout key I've ever seen. Only a truly despicable mind would come up with something so needlesly convo-

...

Oh.

That's what the convoluted circuit loop lock is guarding? Roro makes this whole trip every single time she wants to write a new entry?

Well. We did not find her porn stash. Instead, we found her daily workout regimen. An awkward way to get your steps in but credit where it's due, it means she can't skip out on the routine.

Hold up, she repurposed your journal into her own? That is a whole new layer of domineering.

You need to get out of this relationship, my dude. Like. I think it's pretty clear at this point that she does not respect your personal space at all.

There is a vacancy. We butchered the creature that was occupying it, so if you want to go back, you can.

Oh cool, new Ferry ticket.

Honestly, not 100% sure why Aventry wanted us to come here. Unless this is the place he has fond memories of or something.

I dunno. We'll smash and grab first, then sift through the loot and figure out what we're supposed to do with it later.

Oh shit, it's Roro's private residence. That's what he gave us. I guess that other place was just her work office.

...do you think she'll be happy to see us? I guess there's really only one way to find out. *clears throat* HEY BESTIE--

How have you been? Raised any cool horrors lately? I saw your sister the other day, she seemed to be doing... adequately.

Anyway, we gotta talk about your boy. You're keeping the leash wound a little too tight and--

Okay, but was it really your journal? He had it first. How does that saying go? Two wrongs balance each other out and make everything ultimately fine.

But also that's lame and I prefer it when things are unbalanced in my favor, so now I need to rob you even more.

You heard her, team. We're looking for a locket. Fan out and--

Oh, yeah. We're old pals. It's just too bad she keeps her place in such a miserable state. Look at this place. Bones and flesh just lying strewn about.

I'd offer to help clean up but honestly, that sounds like too much work. Zale, you're pretty good with clutter, why don't you sweep the place.

There we go. Nice and spotless.

Ah, this brings back memories. There's something nostalgic about it. You never really forget your first armed robbery.

Pleasure doing business with you.

You know, we have to stop meeting like this. You going about your day. Me, beating the shit out of you and taking your things. It's getting stale. Why don't we do lunch sometime or something, just for a change of pace?

I think we hurt her feelings. Do... do you want to talk about it?

Uh, Roro says you're fired, by the way. Can't say I've ever been given a gift-with-purchase for a robbery before but she handed me the pink slip right along with the locket.

Yeah, I thought it was weird too.

Better luck in the next life, man. Hope the person waiting for you will treat you better.

[mentallyshattered]

Everyday Freak of Science: part 3

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

Work at the lounge? Well... potentially? It depends. I can't really see a downside, but that's because I don't know anything about this place, really.

Jade's voice interrupts my train of thought. "You don't happen to have a cell phone, do you?"

What the hell is a cell phone? I know I don't have one- the only thing I'm carrying is the "magic pen" I got after the entrance ceremony- but still, what the heel does that mean?

My confusion must show on my face, because Jade asks, "Ah, do you not know?"

"Not one bit."

"Do you have money? Clothes? You need uniforms to attend, you know."

"Oh. So... am I going to have to leave?" What happens if I can't attend? Will I be shipped back to the lab, or will I just be tossed out on the streets?

"Well," Azul jumps in, "I could arrange for you to work at the lounge year-round in exchange for uniforms, a cell phone, and other necessities."

I don't need to think about this. That lab was boring and miserable; this place is new and facinating.

"Deal."

Azul's face lights up, figuratively. "Wonderful! Now, if you could just sign this..."

He places a glowing piece of what looks to be a scroll on the desk in front of me. I can read it, of course, but there's just one problem:

"How do I sign it?"

"Ah, like this." Jade places a pen in my hand before he positions his own over mine, tracing my name in loopy letters onto a piece of paper he just grabbed.

Although it takes a few minutes, I can soon sign my name. The instant I do so on the scroll, Azul pipes up again.

"Wonderful! Give me until tomorrow and I'll have a phone for you. Oh, and here." With a wave of his staff, some fabric is floating in the air and onto my lap. "Those are your uniforms. The white one is for potionology, the lavender one is a dorm uniform, the dark grey ones are for P.E. and general classes, respectively, and the teal ones are pajamas. Let me know if any of them are the wrong size."

All this... for me? Incredible. Even back in the lab, I only got nice things as tests- experiments, meant to learn more about me without cutting me open. All of this- what's the word- hospitality is new to me, entirely. Maybe it's not kindness, but it's benevolent- how fitting.

"Requiem? Are you there?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Um... thanks for asking, Jade."

"Fufu. Perhaps it is best you be off to bed. I shall escort you."

He walks me down the now-quiet hallways, left hand on my right shoulder. When he opens the door, there's someone in the right bed- guess that's to be expected- and, with a wave of his wand, Jade has swapped the ceremonial robes I was wearing with the pajamas in the stack of fabric in my arms.

"Thanks, Jade." I'm so lucky to have him around. What would I do without him? Get sent back, probably. Just when I think I'm safe, though, he leans down and whispers:

"I noticed you did not eat dinner. Do not worry, I will bring you some fresh meat in the morning."

Crap.

[originemesis]

@kugel-bitch from xxx

Close. But no. As if propelled by some no-longer-dormant predatory drive, Lute has vanished out of Adam's immediate vicinity to chase a hapless red squirrel through the underbrush swaddling the roots of the surrounding trees (which she is also very much tempted to climb make no mistake about that). Dipping and ducking through flowering bushes and ticklish reeds, she looses sight of the frazzled rodent when she gets her boot tangled up in a tendrilous vine creeping through the foliage and she takes an unceremonious tumble right into a patch of yellow flowers.

"Eden..." Rolling onto her back, she lets that reality sink in for a moment. "It's...—" The wellspring of all life on earth. The high seraphim's magnum opus. The place where he drew his first breath, took his first steps, where he first experienced love and loss and everything in between. And he still comes here, after all these years? Does it not hurt? To be reminded of all the wonderful things that were taken from him? "—upside down." Lute stares at the clouds, which she's used to bolstering the ground that she walks on, floating aaaaall the way up there in the all encompassing blue of the sky, just barely veiling the big, shiny ball of light from her view. It speaks for itself, the way she's miserably failing to conjure up an answer to his query. Being here with him, it feels...intimate, on a level she's not sure she's ever experienced before and it's got her feeling a little bit sheepish to be quite honest. Like she's encroaching on something deeply sacred. "...I've never seen anything like it..." She cants her head and transfixes him with a gaze that is all pupils, brimming with nothing but pure, innocent wonderment, which is an expression that almost looks out of place on her delicate but typically dour features. "...I don't think I'll ever see anything like it again..." Slowly, she eases herself up onto her elbows, drawing a deep breath of the aromatic air. It feels notably heavier in her lungs than the air in heaven, but not in an unpleasant way. Just...different. very different. All of it. "How does it feel...for you, I mean? Being here? Do you miss it?"

Oh. That's what she was doing. Whelp-...unsurprising, really. "Careful with the wildlife, Danger Tits- they don't make rabies shots for angels last I checked." He called over in his typical flavor of commander's reproach when it came to his lieutenant- which was mostly just him egging her on under the guise that he actually did his job. With his talon still curling and teasing the air with subtle adjustments to the area- a shifted bough here and there to let the moonlight through, he watched her chase down the terrorized tree rat with the same dogged determination of an exorcist trailing after a scuttling demon, amusement edging along the uneasy smile from his question before until it split into it's usual jagged grin. What an actual psycho...he loved that for her.

He figured it was only a matter of time til she discovered roots- things that seemed extra foreign to those with wings, and when she took her faceplant and subsequent roll through the goldenrods, the tips of his grin twitched and he hunkered down briefly in order to spring up and slowly walk down a winding staircase of fog patches that appeared under each foot until he took the final one back onto the ground at her side. "Oh yeah - and roots. Those are fun, huhhh?"

With an endearing cluck or two, he waited for her to collect her thoughts (and her bearings for that matter) while he took to stretching his wings, the gold in his feathers causing the yellow flowers to look almost sickly in comparison when the silver light of the moon gilded their edges. He'd seen a pair kind of like his now when he'd crashed here originally - belonging to the so called bouncers of the place, and he knew they'd bump into them eventually the longer they lingered. Best way to light a fire under the ass of indecision, he supposed.

"...you can roll over, y'now? Just a suggestion- probably the best one-" A 'pfft' escaped him the way she seemed both so eager to take in all the details around them and yet they only weighed her down more in her wonderment. So dopey... a brief twinge o cringe rose in his chest briefly recalling how much he'd felt the same way once all at once there was him among all this and no one just yet nearby to explain the intricacies of shit and why shit was the best. Of course, on her it's kind of cute in a way. Maybe someone had thought that about him once.

Her admittance shivers his feathers out like a chill wind passing through and he gives them a beat, knocking yellow blooms off stems at her and into her hair. His gaze fell to study the side of her face and the way the moonlight caught it and cast a gilded edge along the sight of pure, unblemished wonder. That was something he never expected to see again, but angels were...lucky like that. "Neither did I. But..." He paused, the thought hammering around in his helmet like a sinner trying to escape hell's pot. He lets it boil for now.

A shake of his head later frees his gaze from her marveling and he settles it on what little of the horizon can be seen, sprinkled with stars like the fragments found in halos. The boiled thought might be quiet, but it's definitely causing the temperature change in his visor which sports the faintest cross hatching of yellow lines indicating extra heat beneath. "I mean...kinda not so mind-blowing after the first playthrough? But I guess it's something more than just mid since you're here too." An awkward feather flutter followed along with a few explanatory coughs. "I get to see you fall on your ass chasing rats and shit- what's not based about that?" His shoulders hunched in frustration and he drew his gaze down as he hunkered over her, studying her face again from his position on high.

"Hey-"

Talons emerged from the scalloped edges of robe as he offered her a hand up. "Everything here is... kinda private? Weird- most people have skeletons in their closets, and I got a garden in mine. Not so metal of me- right?" Another shake of his head, and he was fanning his wings out and slightly curling them in around her with a softer chirp to share in the safe space of a golden cage with her inside it with him. "I didn't think I'd see something like Eden again, Lute-" But.

"...but then you came along."

And unlike Eden and what it had been to him and never could be again, she was still there. Would she always be? "So I had to show you that- what it really means to have you here...with me." He'd leaned in, just enough to ghost a preen along the edge of one of her wings, something in the atmosphere shifting like radio frequencies colliding until the very acoustics of the garden seemed tuned in and targeting the two strange creatures within its boughs. "There's something else I've been meaning to tell you...if you'll hear me out?"

[swagtastic-bougie-pompadour]

Several days late, but eventually, the Clive has Arrived!

Just like the annual Naranja-Uva Summer Sandwich Squabble, or NUSSS! Tune in this weekend to watch your favorite students, staff, and even celebs?!?! attempt to make sandwiches in a variety of wacky and comedic scenarios, such as:

Balancing the sandwich on a yoga ball!

Using ingredients requested in MewTube MegaChats!

Battling for possession of key ingredients!

Three-Legged Race style teamwork!

Being sung at by a Jigglypuff!

Whatever unexpected weirdness comes up and gives Director Clavell a migraine at the last minute!

This year, all proceeds from the NUSSS go to speeding our current accessibility renovations of the school, with all excess being donated to the Open World Project--a charity dedicated to bridging the challenges that make it difficult for disabled young people starting out on journeys! We hope you tune in or show up this Saturday and Sunday!

Now, without further ado, it is time for the next installment of:

Clive Update!

Today we have a guest from behind the scenes who needs little to no introduction: the girl, the myth, the one who saves me from many an episode of cringe: Miss Penny!

...Did you have to look so... disappointed in this photo?

It's my personal form of protest. Also, for the record, right before you took this photo you had just asked me what AO3 is. I don't know what face you were expecting.

...Clive, what the fuck are these colors?

It's your red and blue hair! I figured your text had to match your stylin', snazzy 'do... No? No.

Pink. I just want pink. Thank you.

Anyways, did you really run out of guests this fast? What, did Rika drop you or something because you were going to ruin her brand? Shit, I bet that's exactly what happened.

Language! And she just... needed to reschedule. Very busy woman.

Mhm. Yeah. That's what they all say. That's like saying you went to a hotel with a friend and the only available room had one bed...

What?

AO3 things. I'll explain later.

Anyways, Pride? Obviously it's pretty important to me. I mean... really. I don't think anybody's guessing the programmer girl with a big hoodie and two-tone hair is super cishet.

My experience of being free to be myself is something built off of generations of work and protest by LGBT+ people. The first Pride was a riot spearheaded by trans women of color, and it's important to remember our roots to see how far we've come, and how far we have left to go. So Pride, to me, is a continued, "We're here and we're weird! And we're not stopping anytime soon!"

...Shit, that's just Team Star, isn't it.

Penny... I... I think that's the most comprehensive, educational answer we've had here! And I didn't even have to ask you...

Y-yeah, of course it is. You're welcome.

...Anyways, uhh, what's your follow up question? You do have one, right?

...Hm. How are you liking it here on campus, now that Team Star has re-integrated into classes?

W-wha... I wasn't expecting that one, dude! I'm... getting along okay! I've got... my greatest treasure... here, after all.

And Nemona... annoyingly loud as she is... has been really nice to me too. Plus, I've got my Veevees! And of course, how could I forget my best. Pal. Clive. Who's definitely not just cringe incarnate tormenting me until the end of my short, miserable little life.

That's a JOKE, before you start getting all emotional on me, by the way!

I forgot how wounding teenagers can be... Ah! My heart! It has been pierced! And it is all Miss Penny's fault!

Geez. You're not half bad... sometimes. Come on. In return for this, you're proofreading my new My Palafin Academia hero/rival hurt-comfort slow burn fic.

I don't understand the meaning of half of those words, but I am terrified nonetheless!

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 33: Rumblr (SMUT)

Season 5 Masterlist

*Welp, we now all know what's happening in Danger Force Season 3. Am I happy? No. Do I want the writers to wake up to a million insects in their underpants? Yes. Can I do anything about it? Nope. 

I'll figure out a way to make it work when we get to that, but for now, SMUT FOR EVERYONE. It's a little further down, so I'll tell you when to dim your brightness and order your mum to go away, so enjoy this one! Needy, moody, sad, and grumpy Ray is my favourite <3

Everyone knew that Captain Man was meant to be a legend. 

When the people of Swellview talk in the future, his name will be mentioned in awe. He will be in the hall of fame, one of the greats, a hero revered by children after hearing all the grand stories from their elders. 

For Ray, his job was control. It was freedom dripping from his fingertips, an ichor promising him eternal youth. For Ray, being a superhero was everything magical and thrilling.

But loving (y/n) was like breathing. He needed her. 

She was more, everything magical and beautiful and extraordinary, and for whatever reason or whatever good deed he did in a past life, she was his. His sweet girl. The one he was going to marry. 

And she was gone. 

Not gone gone. Just away. A family reunion in her home town - a big event that demanded her presence, no matter how much she insisted that her job wouldn't let her leave so easily. 

(y/n) hated those reunions. It was just a chance for her snooty aunties to ask where her wedding ring and children were, for her cousins to pry into her elusive job, and for her parents to wonder why that nice young man she was marrying couldn't attend. She hated the constant questions and distasteful jokes, even if they were her family, but she hated leaving him more. 

They'd both agreed that it was for the best. Someone had to stay to protect the city; Captain Man and Miss Danger simultaneously couldn't be away, so Ray waved her off, promising he'd cope in her absence. 

Have fun, see your family, and don't worry, sweet girl. We'll be okay here, he'd said. 

Unfortunately, he wasn't okay, and he certainly couldn't cope. 

Ray fell apart when she got in the cab, watching until the car disappeared past the horizon, instantly wishing he could kiss her one last time. After that, he returned to the Man Cave, convinced he'd be okay. It was only a few days, and she never got to see her family because of him, so it was right to let her go. At least, that's what he told himself. 

"He's miserable..."

"Oh yeah, he's definitely pining for her." he heard Henry and Charlotte whisper the next day, watching him mope around the room with a scowl on his face. The place was too quiet, and all the rooms seemed too dark without his darling girl's sunshine to brighten them. She was his wife - or she would be - and he hated being separate from her. 

Four days later, his situation nosedived into pure hell as time passed. There was no point in getting dressed; his fiancée wasn't here to see him, so pyjamas it was. There was no point brushing his hair and teeth; she wasn't there to kiss or fuss over his handsome looks. There was no point in shaving; he didn't want to go outside. The world would go on without Captain Man, but he couldn't go on without his sweet girl. 

That's how he ended up on the ratty, old couch in Junk-N-Stuff, stuffing stale cereal into his mouth and drinking milk from the carton. Despite his melancholia, Jasper couldn't move him - he was still the boss, even if he wasn't acting like one. He crashed there on the third day, clad in a dirty t-shirt, pyjama bottoms and a dressing gown because his bedroom reminded him of (y/n) too much. 

So, the boy was reduced to serving customers, apologising for the tramp in the corner, and dodging around the mess he made. 

"Wake up, lil' snoozy!" Jasper exclaimed as he used a handheld vacuum to clean up the cereal the man had spilt down his front. Just because this was a junk store didn't mean they had no standards, something (y/n) had taught him from day one. Oh, how she'd hate to see her doofus now. 

"Jasper, turn it off! It's too early for vacuuming," Ray snapped, wishing to be left alone to wallow in his self-pity. His body ached, longing for his sweet girl and the completeness she brought him, but he knew she was far away and doing much better than him. 

He waited for her to phone him every night, and like clockwork, she did. He played it cool, acting like he was functioning like a normal human being when he asked about her day, who she'd seen, and what she'd done. He didn't tell her how much he missed her; he didn't want to spoil her trip. As long as she thought everything was okay and she was happy, he could last until she came home. 

Until then, he hugged her pillow at night, pretending it was her in his arms, and when the clock struck three, the first tears fell. Every single night she was away. 

God, he missed her. God, he was a mess. And god, he made a pathetic sight. 

"It's three in the afternoon," the boy replied candidly, glancing across the store as he awkwardly hovered near the man. A shower or a change of clothes wouldn't hurt him, and he wished he'd stop shovelling the old cereal into his mouth, but Ray wouldn't listen. 

"If that were true, Junk-N-Stuff would be open!" He grumbled, having dozed the day away since his heart stopped aching only when he was asleep, but even then, his dreams featured a radiant beauty giggling and calling him her doofus. 

Was he sad? Possibly. No one else ever became so depressed when their partner left for a few days, but this wasn't just a partner. This was (y/n) he was talking about, and for as long as he could remember, she'd always been there. Not having her around felt unnatural now, like a piece of him was missing. 

"It is," Jasper revealed in a frustrated voice, and Ray opened his eyes enough to see what he meant. Jasper felt sorry for the man, knowing how not a day went by when he didn't see (y/n), so this was a rare experience for him. 

Still, customers had been complaining about him all day. The old lady waddling through the store, staring at him curiously, wasn't different. No one needed to see him in his dirty, crusty grandpa slippers. 

"I like your robe. Can I buy it?" The strange lady requested, making Jasper frown. He didn't want to think of the last time it had seen a washing machine; (y/n) wore it once last week, meaning Ray didn't want to wash away the memory of her in it. 

"No," he scoffed. It was comfortable and faintly smelt like her perfume, giving him succour whenever he nosed the collar. How could he give it away when he remembered how cute she looked as it dwarfed her on the couch?

"I'll give you two bucks," the lady proposed, eying up the cheap fabric.

"...Deal," Ray sighed. As much as he loved the memory, he wasn't in the mood to argue and couldn't bear any reminders of his beloved fiancée, so he threw his box of Captain Man's Her-ohs! cereal to the side and stood up to strip off the robe. 

"Okay, let me just get your real money from right here in my not-empty purse..." she said slowly, rummaging in her bag to convince the scruffy man she'd pay him when in reality, she had no intention of giving this schmuck anything. Ray didn't see through the deception, though, handing over the clothing without a second thought since they were clouded by his loneliness. 

However, the second she took the dressing gown, her sweet, little old lady act dropped, much like Ray when she used her meagre strength to push him to the floor. After four days of eating nothing but crap, Ray was wobbly on his legs, and his grief didn't help, meaning he fell like a domino into a crumpled, teary heap. 

"See ya, sucker!" The woman hissed through her false teeth, sneering at the man as he slumped against the dusty rug, making no attempt to get up or fight back. What was the point? He could feel Jasper's stare but couldn't care less when everything felt floppy. His world had lost its colour - it faded when she left in a taxi. 

"That lady stole your robe!"

"So what? (y/n) always said it was ugly, anyway..." he muttered, nuzzling into his arm before slowly shuffling onto his knees. He sniffed at the mention of his sweet girl, wondering if she was having fun with her younger cousins or hearing family tales from her granduncles. He wished he'd gone with her, but he didn't know her loss would make him feel like this. 

"She's getting away!"

"Ehhhh, who cares? I'll just steal a robe off someone else later. Circle of life," Ray shrugged, plonking back down on the couch to return to his cereal. (y/n) was due back at the end of the week anyway, so he might as well eat his feelings. Y'know, instead of calling and telling her how much he missed her. 

"Actually, she's having some trouble getting up the stairs, so...still time to get it back before you do something (y/n) wouldn't approve of," Jasper said, watching as the old woman tried to get her aching joints and creaking knees up the few steps to the door, but her hip replacement couldn't do it. 

He knew the man was lost without his soulmate, but he wouldn't steal anything from anyone. He didn't have the heart or energy. 

"Oh, I don't care about a crappy---" Ray argued, his words slurring at the end, proving the kid's point. He couldn't be bothered to do anything, so the pensioner made her getaway, skulking out of the store with the stinky robe bundled in her arms. Well, that was the last time he'd see that. 

"What's wrong with you?!" Jasper snapped, knowing the answer, but he wanted to hear the man admit it. He swore he was fine, viciously bit off anyone's head who mentioned his fiancée, and insisted he wasn't missing her. What a load of shit. 

"Nothing!" Ray whined, chewing more cereal before looking down and seeing how grubby he looked, "clean my shirt."

"You know, if you're missing (y/n), you could just call her," the teen suggested, sighing as he stepped forward and began vacuuming whatever unknown chunks clung to his off-white t-shirt. Ray glared at him; his heart clenched at imagining her voice again, hearing her soothe all his worries, telling her he hated being so far away from the love of his life. But how could he be so selfish?

"No, thank you. (y/n)'s with her family... She won't want me to ruin the celebrations, so it's better if I--I'm fine. Fine. Totally fine, so leave it," he stammered, realising he was letting his true feelings slip too much and to Jasper. 

In all the years he'd known (y/n), she'd been away plenty of times for various reasons, and every time, he'd always survived. However, he just wished he remembered how much it always sucked. 

"Four days, man..." Jasper sighed and continued cleaning him up, shaking his head at his bullheadedness. He knew the heroine was probably feeling the same way, longing for her doofus, but neither would say it, so he said nothing. 

"Ray!" Suddenly, a shout came from the back room, and Henry, Piper and Charlotte ran into the room. They burst through the beaded curtain, panting and tired from sprinting into the elevator, but they needed their boss. Their whining, lonely, pathetic boss.

"We've got an emergency call."

"The Toddler just escaped from Swellview Prison," Piper described, thinking it was a difficult situation, given the notorious criminal, but Ray didn't even bat an eyelash. No point in fighting crime when Miss Danger wasn't there to look all pretty and hot by his side. 

"He greased himself with baby oil, and no one could grab him!" Charlotte added, hoping to inspire some energy into the man, but he shoved another handful of Her-ohs! into his mouth. 

"Ha! Slick move. Let's bounce!" Henry chuckled, satisfied with his little pun, but his jovial mood soon stopped when Ray stayed on the couch. He'd had enough of this; the moping, the crying, the snappy mood, and how every emergency had fallen to him. He might as well have taken the flight with (y/n). 

"Ah, who cares about The Toddler? We catch him, and we throw him in jail. Six weeks later, he's back out on the street..."

"Are you still sad 'cause (y/n) left for her family reunion? Dude, it's been four whole days!" Piper exclaimed, thinking Charlotte was joking when she mentioned that Captain Man didn't do well without his other half. This took the biscuit, though, 

"I don't miss her! Why do people keep saying that?!" Ray hissed, throwing a fistful of grained hoops in her direction. Of course, he fucking missed her, but he couldn't say it out loud. They'd phone (y/n) and inform her of how sad he was; his pride couldn't bear that. It was just a little heartache, nothing he couldn't handle. 

"'Cause you look disgusting and have done ever since she left," Charlotte retorted in her classic dry tone. Little did he know that (y/n) was counting down the seconds until it was socially acceptable to leave, divulging to the girl that seeing her family meant nothing if he wasn't with her - the family she had to choose. 

"I know what to do..." Henry whispered to the girls, aware his boss was too stubborn to say anything else. Out of everyone, he had the most experience with man-child tantrums, and he had a rough idea of what to do. Fair enough, he didn't have a sweet touch but was trying his best. 

With his sister and friend watching him curiously, the boy kneeled beside his boss, who didn't take much notice, even when a mysterious beat came out of nowhere. Maybe it was cringy, but singing worked before, all those months ago when Frankini cursed Swellview and Ray skipped town. 

"Remember when you took The Toddler, bro?" He started the song, slowly looking up at the man's brooding face, hardened by his ten o'clock shadow and unimpressed stare. Despite it being his best effort to try and cheer him up, Ray didn't appreciate the gesture, shutting it down before the second lyric could leave Henry's lips by throwing cereal in his face. 

"I don't need the Pump-Up Song!" Ray snapped, standing up with a sweeping fury. He gulped down what he needed; an urge to admit he was lovesick and to hear his sweet girl's reassuring voice. But what if that wasn't the only thing?

"I need new guys to fight!" He growled, throwing his hands up as he crossed the store. That raised a few eyebrows and made the kids look at each other because Captain Man was out of action. After all, Miss Danger was too. No one said anything about this twist - the fact that he'd grown tired of a twenty-year-old routine was a surprise. 

"You mean you need (y/n) to come back and cuddle you?" Piper proposed, assuming he was making excuses or something. However, the look he threw her could kill, indicating he didn't appreciate the hint he was a loser. He was a loser, but not just because his fiancée was out of town. 

"I. Am. Fine! I'm just sick of fighting the same criminals over and over again. I'm bored!" 

"And missing (y/n/n)," Charlotte remarked smugly, giggling because she knew it was true. But Ray wasn't joking. Yes, he ached for his pretty girl, but even crimefighting hadn't taken his mind off it. In the past, he used to throw himself into his work to distract himself from anything - his unrequited love to a disastrous date - but this time, it hadn't worked. The itch was still there, the one that told him to do something, but he couldn't scratch it. 

"Charlotte, I swear--"

"Try going on Rumblr," Piper said before he could give her friend a good talking to, making his head tilt in a manner (y/n) would find adorable. 

"Huh?"

"I can't help with (y/n), but try going on Rumblr," the brat suggested casually, shrugging because it was up to him to change his mood. All she could do was try and help him, and whilst she couldn't fly (y/n) home, she could try to find him a fight worthy of scratching the itch. 

"What's Rumbler?" Ray asked, sounding like such an old person with his poor, elderly pronunciation, much to the amusement of the teens. 

"Nah, it's Rumblr!"

"Yeah, Rumblr."

"It's an app."

"Called Rumblr." Jasper, Charlotte and Henry worked together to explain it to him. Perhaps not in the best, most efficient way, but it got through to Ray. Probably. He looked a little lost, making Piper chuckle since he got so confused when his precious fiancée wasn't around to spell things out for him in his old age. 

"I sometimes forget how old he is..." She joked with her friends, causing the hero to grumble and set his lips in a firm line. Just because he was older didn't mean he was foolish; besides, he had experience, just not with these newfangled application things. 

"What's Rumblr?" He asked, mushing the syllables together as they did, so he was down with the kids as he stood there in his disgusting t-shirt and grandpa pyjamas pants. 

"Well, it's like a dating app, but instead of matching women with creeps, it matches heroes with villains," Piper explained, flicking the app up on her phone so he could see. 

They didn't have things like this in his day, and Ray immediately doubted its credentials about why a villain would actively seek the law. Life was hard when he didn't have his darling girl around to help him, and it made him realise how used he was to have her around. 

"Why would a villain want to find a hero?"

"Attention."

"Publicity.

"Yeah, think about it. Any bad guy that fights Captain Man ends up all over the news," Jasper said after the girls, describing how the hero brought the villain status and respect amongst their vicious circles. That's how The Toddler and Doctor Minyak gained notoriety, thanks to Captain Man, even if they never managed to defeat him, not even when he still worked alone. 

"And if they actually beat you in a fight..." Charlotte started, making Ray scoff at such a thought. As if he'd let that happen--he was too awesome to let that happen, honestly. 

"Boom! Evil sponsorship. They've just turned their villain hobby into a villain career."

"Yeah, well, no one's gonna beat me in a fight," the large man smirked cockily, tossing another cereal nugget into his mouth. Depressed, lonely or sad, he could still kick ass when needed. He just didn't want to do it when his sweet girl wasn't with him, something the kids saw straight through. 

"Big talk from someone who's afraid to get on Rumblr," Piper sassed, earning some bemused noises from the group. They oohed at the man's wariness, making him wrinkle his nose and shuffle from foot to foot because it made him sound like a coward. 

"I'm not afraid to get on Rumblr!" Ray snapped with his mouth full, putting his walls up again because he didn't like talking about his feelings. These were the kids he cared for (more than their parents) - they didn't need to hear his problems. 

"I just like to meet villains the old-fashioned way, that's all. I bump into them at a crime scene, we start to banter a little, my sweet girl says something clever, one thing leads to another, and suddenly, I'm fighting this bad guy, and it's amazing," he fantasised, crinkling the box in his hands. 

He could practically taste the scene. It was dark, dingy, and disgusting - everything a hero loves. Miss Danger and Kid Danger were by his side, fighting for their lives--everyone in Swellview's lives, and it was all explosions, adrenaline, and danger as they threw punches, kicks and insults at the bad guy. That's how battles were meant to go...

"Yeah, dude, that's not how villains and heroes meet these days," Henry chuckled, deeming his boss so stuffy with his rose-tinted views on heroic meet-cutes. 

"Yeah, well, it should be!"

"Just try it. Get the app, make a profile, and put yourself out there," Charlotte told him. She knew he was nervous; doing something like this without (y/n) was out of his comfort zone, and he wouldn't have her to turn to, but they were with him. All he had to do was take the first step. 

"I don't know... (y/n) normally helps me with this sort of thing..." Ray muttered, scuffing his foot against the floor, but they heard him clearly - maybe felt a smidgeon of sympathy for him. 

"Ray, what if your perfect villain is out there waiting for you right now? What if you could introduce them to (y/n) when she gets back?" Jasper came forward, placing a warm hand on his shoulder as he tried to offer the guy a tiny sliver of hope. He smiled at the thought of having his girl in his arms again, but then, he remembered whose hand was touching him, and then, well, his imagination got the better of him. 

"Yeah, well, what if I end up fighting some guy I don't even like, and I accidentally spill mustard on my butt, and he spends the whole evening calling me Mustard Butt?! What then?! Huh? What then?! I can't tell my sweet girl about that!" He exclaimed, rambling as he thought about everything that could go wrong.

No matter how improbable, they were still mortifying and not something he'd want (y/n) to know about. 

"Did that happen to you before?" Charlotte asked, thinking that scenario sounded too detailed to be a fevered imagining. 

"No!" Ray denied, gazing into his cereal box, even though it made him seem guiltier. 

"Because that's a very specific concern."

"It didn't happen!" He insisted, nibbling a little more as Henry smirked. It probably happened, and he would love to know which villain called him that, but they quickly moved on when he clammed up. The man was too shy to agree to anything and hated the thought of going alone, so Piper had a suggestion. 

"What if you and Kid Danger went together?" She said, knowing her brother would support him and be his wingman. Ray still looked unsure; with something as tender and delicate as this, he needed his favourite girl, but Henry would have to do. 

"What, you mean, like, go on a double fight?"

"Sure! Come on, man. How often do we even fight crime anymore? Maybe once a week? Only on Saturdays?" The kid smiled reassuringly, leaving the cash register to approach the man debating the offer, but could he go through with it without his sweet girl? Would she be mad knowing he went fighting without her?

"Listen, just come! It'll be fun! (y/n) would want you to do it! Come on, please!" Henry begged, wearing down his boss' resilience.

"Fine--okay!" Ray groaned, sniffing as he tilted the box into his mouth and drowned himself in cereal. Most of it went onto the floor, with only some going down his throat, but the teens didn't say anything. They didn't expect him to agree, making it a pleasant surprise that they'd get to create his Rumblr profile and find him a hot fight. 

"Great! Aw, man, seeing you like this again is so good! You've been such a loser since (y/n) left!" Henry grinned, slapping his older friend on the arm as he finished his snack and looked at him dryly. Swallowing the dry grain with a wince, he turned to the children, who giggled at what the kid said - nothing but the truth. 

Ray, of course, didn't see it that way. He clutched the box tightly and stared at each of them, sighing when their mischievous smiles didn't budge. Piper made kissy noises, making her boss blush and growl because he didn't like the taunting as much as he didn't like the implication that he fell to pieces when his wife left. 

"I am not a loser! God, you make it sound like I can't function when she leaves!"

"Well, you can't! Just look at yourself. Without (y/n) around, you get all grumpy, gross, and moody," Charlotte replied, gesturing to his grotty clothes, unshaven face, and tousled hair. 

Ray looked down at himself and shrugged, thinking it had been a rough few days, and he didn't have to be perfect. And the correlation between his mood, appearance and (y/n) was nonsense. Girls occasionally left their lovers, and nothing happened to them, so why were they convinced by this narrative that he wasn't sleeping, eating or living correctly? Perhaps because it was true. 

"Look, I loved her for ten years and survived whenever she left!"

"That was when you were a chicken! Now, you don't spend a single minute apart from your sweet girl, meaning now she's gone, you've become a loser!" The girl chuckled, watching as the man grew increasingly frustrated, throwing his hands in the air as their words got to him. All too real words - so true he struggled to admit they were wrong. 

"Yeah, and it's only been four days. Imagine how much he'd miss her if she went for two weeks?" Piper added, sharing a smile with her friend as Ray lamented the thought. 

He wanted her so much. At least she was with him all those years ago, so far yet so close, and he could revel in her friendship. They were correct, though; back then, he lived with the heartbreak of believing she didn't love him every day. Maybe he was too spoilt nowadays, waking up to her in his arms every morning, safe, soft and smiling. Perhaps he'd grown too accustomed to such niceties, or possibly, his perfect girl made him weak-hearted. 

Ray wasn't sure. All he knew was that he couldn't give them the satisfaction of his confession that he was indeed a loser. 

"Oh my god! I don't need (y/n) to function because I certainly don't miss her! Why won't anyone accept that I am fine?!" 

"Well, I beg to differ from where I'm standing, doofus," a gentle voice suddenly said from behind him, making everyone look over in shock as the T-Rex roared fire and the door opened. 

It was like time had stopped. There, in the doorway, smiling brightly, dressed in mismatched, rumpled clothing, and looking like she'd been to hell and back (or an airport), was (y/n) in all her glory. 

A small, floral-print suitcase was by her feet, a raincoat tucked under her arm, and another bag hitched over her shoulder as she stood there excitedly at finally coming home, although earlier than expected. A tugging on her heartstrings told her a week was too long, and besides, her family had driven her up the wall from day one. Why stay when she'd already had enough after the first dinner?

"(y/n/n)! Didn't expect to see you home until at least Tuesday!" Henry remarked, grinning as brightly as her as she laughed and glanced at her feet, obviously quite bashful at her dramatic entrance. 

Oh, Ray's face was an absolute picture. His mouth was propped open slightly, and perhaps he was drooling slightly at the pretty sight she made, although Henry couldn't tell. He'd gone pale and silent as he took her in, blinking furiously to check she wasn't some melancholy-induced dream, but no. His sweet girl had come home, and she, wearing a faded hoodie and her oldest pair of jeans, looked drop-dead gorgeous. 

"Eh... My aunts had a fight with one of my uncles over divorcing their sister for the babysitter. Just another happy family reunion, so I decided to cut it short, and I'm glad I did," she shrugged, dismissing the memory of seeing a man plead for his...unmentionables since she'd yet to go to a family event where there wasn't a punch-up. Next time, however, she'd definitely take her husband - she hoped he'd be - considering how goddamn awful he looked.

"I leave for four days, and everything goes to pot? Oh, Raymond..." she said softly, meeting his big, sad eyes as she draped her coat and bag over her case, hoping to take all the pain away now she was back. 

She'd never seen him like that - not even in the old days when he returned from another failed date. Not even the prettiest model used to make him fall to pieces after dumping him, so she was shocked to see her doofus in the filthiest of clothing, having not bothered to get dressed, surrounded by a puddle of cereal she swore she'd thrown in the trash, and looking like a hobo with his rough stubble. 

She moved to walk down the steps, to take him into her arms and assure him she had no intention of leaving in the foreseeable future, to fuss over him for not taking care of himself simply because she was out of town, but she never got the chance to. 

In the blink of an eye, Ray, having regained the use of his brain after it shortcircuited, dashed towards her at speed, becoming a blur for the kids as he was there one second and gone the next. (y/n) gasped as his arms circled her, his head buried in her chest since the stairs gave her a height advantage, but Ray didn't care. His strength allowed him to pull her up and keep her there, lifting his sweet girl off the floor as he crushed her in a tight hug born of desperation and yearning. 

With her tiptoes hovering above the floor, the woman had no choice but to return it, offering no complaints, save that he really needed a shower, as she squeezed him and cradled his head to her neck. There was no way she'd ever leave again after the phone calls and late-night longing for the man she could hear but not see, feel or touch. 

What was it her great aunt said? 

"Husbands and wives are meant to be together, so separating them rarely makes the heart grow fonder. Just forgetful and bitter. It's unnatural... Plus, we're all dying to meet the man you daydream about. Don't think we haven't noticed, young'un. You've got a boy on your mind, and that ring says it all."

"I've missed you, (y/n). So much..." Ray confessed hoarsely into her skin, making her sniffle too when she felt his eyelashes wet her collarbone. How could she leave him when he was nothing but a sweetheart to her?

"I missed you too, doofus. Every day," she replied, watching the kids roll their eyes and shake their heads at his theatrics. 

They'd tell her how many times he denied that over the past few days and why she couldn't ever leave again--to save their sanity. But, for now, they left the lovers alone to reunite, knowing they'd come down to the Man Cave in their own time once Ray convinced himself it wasn't just a dream. 

He was still nuzzling into her body, inhaling lungfuls of her perfume and the distinct whiff of the taxi she'd taken from the airport, but he could ignore that. She was here; she was real, and he promised himself at that moment he'd never let her go again. The place wasn't the same without her, and he just couldn't cope. 

"Welcome home, sweet girl..."

~

*DIM YOUR BRIGHTNESS. MOTHERS LOOK AWAY NOW. IT'S SMUT TIME. I know doing the boom-boom in the shower is impractical and fairly dangerous, but I don't care :) 

5000 words of smut coming up, hot and steamy. literally. 

As hard as it was to leave, a reunion between lovers was always special. It nearly made up for the restless nights and arduous days.

The plan had been to go straight downstairs and do the Rumblr thing for Ray - after he told his sweet girl about it. However, after hugging and kissing in Junk-N-Stuff for ten minutes, he and (y/n) discovered they weren't quite ready to mingle yet. 

He kept stroking her hair, pecking her lips and whispering in her ear, apologising for falling apart without her around, but he added that he couldn't help it. Ray refused to set her down, preferring to keep her in his hold as he returned downstairs, fed up with the weird stares he got from the stuck-up customers. 

After spending so long apart, he wanted to drop her on the bed and welcome her home properly, but as much as she wanted to be underneath him, (y/n) couldn't bear it. Not when he hadn't washed, shaved or changed his clothes in days. 

That's how they ended up where they were now; in their en-suite with Ray standing at the sink. The basin was filled with warm water, his cheeks were sudsy from shaving foam, and his fiancée was sitting on the counter with a razor in her hand, helping him reach all the tricky contours of his face. 

He could do it himself after thirty years of practice, but she wanted to, enjoying the closeness as his hands ran up and down her legs and he studied her features. She was so pretty, concentrating on not hurting him, even if the blades couldn't nick his skin. 

"You could've called me, y'know?" (y/n) muttered as she swiped the razor down his cheek, wiping away the foam and stubble underneath. His hands stopped exploring her nude legs, squeezing her thighs after she'd stripped to her underwear for the intimate activity - jeans and a hoodie would just be uncomfortable. 

"You didn't have to suffer in silence, doof. Especially after all those phone calls."

"You were busy eating stews and watching your family rip each other apart. Didn't want to get in the way," Ray replied quietly, closing his eyes and swallowing as she cupped his jaw to tilt his head upwards. Swishing the razor through the warm water, she went again, resting her free hand on his bare chest as she raked another stripe down his throat. 

His stubble was sexy, rough and prickly against her skin, and secretly, (y/n) longed to feel it between her legs - an extra sensation- but it had to go. Captain Man was clean and polished, so she'd have to wait another day for her fantasy and let his wandering hands satisfy the fluttering heat growing in her core. 

"You never get in the way, Raymond," she told him sternly, poking her tongue out cutely as she rolled the razor under his chin. "They were all asking about you, wanting to know where my hunk was..."

"Hunk? Would that be your Aunt What's-her-name? Should I be worried?" Ray chuckled, pushing his touch up the apex of her thighs so he could grasp her waist. He'd only met the old lady once, but she'd crooned over how handsome he was, asking for his arm whenever she needed to stand up and congratulating her niece on hooking such an attractive catch. 

"Well, if she was thirty years younger...she still wouldn't have you because you're mine," (y/n) giggled, cleaning the razor again before leaning forward to kiss the clean section of his face. His skin was perfectly smooth underneath her lips, and when she pulled away, she saw Ray's intense, smouldering stare. He stared at her hungrily, feeling his yearning for her grow at her words and seeing her clad in practically nothing made it worse. 

"Anyway, that was before she called Candy a man-stealing hussy."

"Did your uncle get his truck towed after they slashed his tires?" He asked, rubbing his thumbs over her hipbones as they swapped gossip. Maybe he would go next time, anything to see this drama in action...and hear all about how he'd pulled the loveliest girl in her hometown. 

"After he put an ice pack down his pants, yeah..." (y/n) giggled, finishing him off before giving him a once over for any missed patches. Oh god, he looked so hot and clean-shaven, and her giggles died down when she rubbed his face with a towel and noticed his stare...

"All done?" Ray asked, lifting a hand to feel his smooth jaw, impressed when he noticed the excellent job she'd done. She nodded and set down her utensils, looking proud of herself as she felt the other cheek, chest...and abs. He was in his underwear, too, standing tall and broad between her legs as she pulled the plug, watching the water swirl down the drain. 

"Yep... Glad my doofus is still underneath all that fluff."

"Hmmm... Think you deserve a reward, sweet girl," the man hummed, holding her steady as she slid off the counter, knocking some toothpaste over on her way down, but neither cared. Glancing down, (y/n) could swear the bulge in his briefs was more prominent than when they first started, and she longed to take him in her mouth again - for the first time in a week.

It had been too long since they were intimate, and he looked gorgeous, skin pressed against skin.

"Oh, yeah? What were you thinking?" She asked teasingly, squealing when his damp cheeks brushed against her neck as he kissed the skin there, sliding his hands around her to grab her ass cheekily. 

"Shower with me?" Ray offered, smirking against her skin before biting down on her collarbone. (y/n) squealed at the sharp sensation, scraping her nails over his shoulders as he kneaded her flesh. 

God, how he'd missed that sweet ass of hers, fondly pulling and squeezing her cheeks, landing a short, sharp spank on the right one. The tingle dragged another gasp from her, and she hooked a hand around the nape of his neck, bringing his lips down to hers. The man groaned at her taste, immediately upping the intensity to a near-makeout session as his hands left her ass to her hips and down her outer thighs. 

It was so tempting to push her back onto the counter and spread her thighs to have her there and then, but it had been a long week, a long trip, and too long since he'd seen her naked. He had to get her in the shower. Now. 

"Mmm, doofus... That's a tempting offer...and I happily accept," (y/n) grinned mischievously, breaking the kiss when their lungs burned and muscles ached. They panted in unison, breath mingling as he reluctantly released her - he had to; otherwise, he'd never get his wish. 

"Come on then, darlin'," Ray muttered, pecking the space between her eyes before moving away from her, sights set on the spacious cubicle in the corner. 

Ray wasn't one for decor; he could be put in a room with gold leaf walls, scarlet carpets, and tiger-print sheets, and he'd like it. Not because he enjoyed the gauche style but because he didn't care. Who cared about what a room looked like when it functioned perfectly fine? That's why he insisted on having the Man Cave's best bathroom. (y/n) came in with her woman's touch and did the decorating, and he chose the best shower money could buy. 

Large, beautifully tiled with Schwoz's finest plumbing work and a big, multifunctional shower head that sprayed at different speeds and intensities. It even had a small, built-up ledge that acted as a seat--something he and his sweet girl made full use of many times. 

It was the best shower, so he had no problem rolling his shoulders back, hooking his thumbs into the elastic band of his underwear, sliding it down, down, down--until they dropped to the bathmat near the sliding doors. Kicking them off without another thought, he opened the shower and began twisting the knob until the spray blasted to life. 

"Fuck, that's cold--" he grunted when the icy water hit his hand, but it soon warmed, allowing him to dip his fingers in, then his wrist, forearm, shoulder, and chest, and then, he stepped in. 

Behind him, (y/n) was smiling to herself, possibly looking insane, but she didn't care. Her doofus was in front of her, as bare as the day he was born, preparing the shower for them to share, so she could scrub away the airport and cab smell from her body. Who wouldn't feel blissful?

"You comin', sweet girl?"

"Of course, doof. Gimme a minute," she muttered, not bothering to unhook her bra and slide it down her arms properly. She had no time for that, impatient enough to yank it over her head like a t-shirt and let it fall to the floor. 

Peering through the steamy glass, Ray hardened at the sight of her exposed, unashamedly staring at her body as she teetered toward the half-open door. He couldn't wait to pull her into his arms, but in the meantime, he hungrily drank in how she slowly pushed her panties down. Maybe she was teasing him, or perhaps he was just thirsty, but he longingly stared at how she moved, revealing his favourite spot in the entire world inch by inch. 

"Were you staring?" (y/n) asked as they skimmed past her knees, landing next to his when she stepped out. The door opened quickly, and Ray wasted no time grabbing her wrist and dragging her under the warm water, making her giggle at his bold impatience. 

"I wouldn't do that," the hero told her, but the laughter in his voice said otherwise. 

"Sure... I've missed you, Ray. Thought about you every day," she murmured as they assumed their natural showering position, her palms flat against his chest and him holding her waist as the rain fell and warmed their skin. It was nice to stand and have each other adjust to the perfect sanctuary of the shower; bedrooms could be invaded, but no one ever bothered them in there. 

"You have no idea... Thought I was going crazy without you here, my love," Ray replied, holding her close, enjoying the intimacy of having his fiancée in his embrace again. 

His eyes squeezed shut at the lonely nights, and solitary dinners flashed through his mind, but he didn't let it win. That was then, this was now, and he had the girl of his dreams, wet, naked and entirely focusing on him. 

"I kinda guessed the minute I saw you, doof..."

"Couldn't eat...couldn't sleep...needed my sweet girl."

"Raymond. Next time, you c--in fact, you're coming with me for the next reunion. So I can make sure you're taking care of yourself," (y/n) told him firmly, looking him in the eye, silently making him promise. Whether she was out of town or not, he had to look after himself--so she'd have her doofus to return to. 

"Me goin' home to your momma's cooking? Don't tempt me, darlin'," Ray smirked, reaching around her body to grab a bottle of shower gel from the shelf. It was floral-scented, very girly, and not the sort of thing Ray would've had in his bathroom five years ago. But it smelt of her, and she smelt of home, which he needed more than anything. 

Behind her back, he poured a small amount into his cupped hand, twitching a smile at the deep jewel-red colour before leaning away from her. 

"May I?" He smirked, swiping the soap over her chest anyway since she never refused, although his ordering was slightly off. With him cleaning her body, starting with her shoulders, (y/n) studied her lover from his freshly shaven face to his broad shoulders, toned chest, abs...

"Most people wash their hair first, doof..."

"I'm taking a new approach," Ray mumbled, paying extra attention as he moved down her arms, fingertips gliding effortlessly with the suds he left. With his eyes on her body, (y/n) enjoyed the moment, feeling pretty under his gaze as he returned to her chest. The only way to go was down; she knew what his approach meant. 

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" She whispered, head lolling back when he cupped her breasts, washing them more thoroughly than her arms. She sighed as his thumbs brushed over her nipples, turning them into hardened peaks and making him stiffen with them. 

Cracking an eye open, she glanced down, noticing how his cock was noticeably thicker than it had been minutes earlier. She gulped at the sight of it, core fluttering from his touch and the thought of being filled, but Ray seemed to be taking his time - the man known for being incredibly patient. 

"Turn around..." he ordered his pretty girl gently, making her whine since she didn't want to lose this precious sight, but then, he explained - albeit with a sly sparkle in her eye. 

"Gotta wash your back, darlin'." It sounded euphemistic, so she did as he asked. Her movements were jittery, ruled by adrenaline, as his arms slipped back around her, cupping her tits again when his lips met the back of her neck. 

Letting her head fall against his shoulder, she sighed, biting her lip when she felt his solid length against her back, slotting into the space between her cheeks. He soaped up her torso, exploring her soft tummy and back up to her breasts, but never the one space she wanted him to touch - the aching, throbbing slick between her thighs. 

Ray growled against her neck, rutting into the small of her back when she whined, unable to stop himself when she pressed her ass backwards. She needed him inside her; it had been too long, and perhaps it was the steamy environment, but the tension between them was electric, with neither remembering a recent time when they were this desperate. 

"Thought you were gonna wash my back?" (y/n) asked smugly, only to gasp when his touch slid down to her pussy, two fingers immediately circling her clit to make her writhe against him. 

"I've got the love of my life letting me touch her up. Any man would get distracted," Ray replied, equally smug when she became jelly-like against his body, moaning quietly as he played with her. The woman was speechless by how he ran his fingertips through her slick lips, relaxing against her doofus, so he could use her as he pleased, and Ray was eager to please both of them. 

"But if you want me to wash your back, sweet girl, put your hands on that wall and bend over."

"Yes, Captain," she muttered, eagerly following his command by facing the wall and sticking her ass out. 

It would provide her with enough support when combined with his iron-like grip on her hips, so she wouldn't fall, but it wasn't the usual comfort the couple was accustomed to. Ray liked space and comfort to fuck his girl to heaven and back, and (y/n) loved lying there and taking it, but this would do to scratch the itch. The burning, feverish, all-consuming craving willing them to return to carnal instinct. 

"That's it, sweet girl. Show me this pretty pussy--fuckin' missed it," he groaned as she braced against the wall with her ass pointing his way. The angle meant he could see her glistening centre perfectly, ready for him to plunge into after too long apart, and how she eagerly presented for him made his blood drain south. 

Fully hard and standing to attention, the hero took himself into his palm, pumping his length as (y/n) parted her thighs. It wasn't surprising how quickly things escalated, given how much they'd missed each other, and they were used to fucking every day. The quicker they got it out of their systems, the sooner they could complete the shower and return to bed, where Ray automatically assumed they'd go again, making him grow feral. 

"Please, just fuck me already, Ray. 'S been too long," the heroine whined, wiggling her hips to tempt him, but if he was anything, Ray was meticulous when it came to her pleasure. 

Dragging the bulbous head through her slick, he planted his feet next to hers, giving himself enough space to fuck her freely and not topple over in the slippery environment. Lining up with her entrance, he could feel how his hand shook - a new sensation that made him gulp. He'd never been this frantic, thinking if he didn't have her now, he'd go insane, and it was all for the panting beauty before him. 

"You want me, pretty girl? Want my cock inside you? You need it?" Ray teased, rubbing himself against her entrance, daring to slip inside by half an inch before retreating. Anything to make her whine and squirm against him. 

"Stop teasing, doofus. Fuck me now...fuck me hard," she growled, making her lover grin at how riled up he'd made her. Not wanting to leave her aching any more - he was too on edge and horny anyway - a taunting dip turned into a full sheath, pressing his length into her tightness with a long groan of her name. 

They cried out together, relief flooding their veins at what felt like fucking coming home. Ray didn't stop until his pelvic bone met her ass, fully wrapping her around him as his hand left her hip. After missing her for so long, the hero craved contact, intimacy, and the feeling of her body against his. He placed his forearm on the wall against her head and curled an arm around her tummy, pulling his sweet girl as close as can be as he bottomed out. 

"You want me to fuck you hard, I'll fuck you hard, little girl. Missed this pussy so much..." he groaned, biting where her neck met her shoulder to smother the guttural noise when he dragged his hips backwards. The electric pleasure made (y/n) squeal; her warm cheek squashed against the cool tiles as he tested a hard, brutal rhythm. 

Ray plunged into her steadily, cautious since it had been a while, but his sweet girl didn't want gentleness and kind words. She'd had enough pleasantries and polite smiles for one week; now, she wanted him to take what he needed and give her the fucking she yearned for. 

"I won't break, Ray. You can fuck me harder than that."

"Bad fucking girl," Ray grunted savagely as he snapped into her, forgetting his slow, steady introductory pace for a brutal pounding slap-slap-slap.

He knew when she was taunting him--daring him to go faster, even when he didn't want to hurt her. But (y/n) knew he could never, not when she was practically moulded to his cock, so she moaned, spurring him on to go faster, harder, deeper.  

Days apart meant Ray was up to the challenge, quickening his movements rapidly, finding a rhythm that made the flesh of her ass jiggle, and the room filled with the sound of skin hitting skin. Lips found her cheek, neck, shoulder--anywhere he could nip, bite, suck, and leave fleeting bruises. 

Meanwhile, his free hand drifted both sides of her navel, sometimes preferring to tweak her nipples, hold her tits or slap them. But after playing with them for a while, he searched for something else, running his fingertips down to her pussy, where, to his satisfaction, toying with her pulsing clit made her clench and slump against the wall. 

"R-Ray-gonna cum--" (y/n) stuttered, feeling the blinding heat creep up on her suddenly, and before she knew it - before Ray gave permission - she was tightening around him uncontrollably. The slightest touch of her slick nub and a few thrusts were enough to push her over, perhaps from having no contact for so long, with nothing more than her own hand to take the edge off during those boring nights, alone in her childhood bedroom. 

The man groaned at how tight she became, thrusts stuttering since he didn't expect her to cum so quickly. Half a second later, he snapped back into reality, realising what had just happened, and he pressed her to the wall, snarling in her ear as she rode the high. 

"Fuck--shit, that was hot. This pussy must be so needy, sweet girl. Not been around to fuck it properly, and now look at you. So desperate to cum, you'll do it before I say the word." 

"I--I'm sorry, C-Captain. I--" (y/n) stammered, breathless and still reeling from the sudden climax. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire as her heart pounded in her ears, telling her she'd done something wrong. Ray always loved being in charge, telling her when and how he wanted her pleasure, ensuring she paced herself correctly, but as she floundered, he couldn't help but nuzzle into her neck with a smug smirk. 

"Don't apologise, darlin'," he insisted, returning to a slow, painfully tender speed, rocking into her like he hadn't just been rearranging her guts. It was almost like he was thinking...taking his time to ponder his next move as she recovered...waiting until the sensitivity passed. 

"Now..." the man muttered, more to himself than her, as he brushed his thumb over her breast, making her mouth open and hips push back into him. The slowness was maddening, and as swiftly as the relief came, (y/n) found herself needy again--just as Ray found himself hooked. 

"How about another?" He asked smugly, finding her clit again, making his girl shriek when he hurriedly circled it without mercy. The hiss of the water hitting their bodies masked her cries of pleasure, his near-evil chuckle, and the soft slaps of their bodies meeting as he brought her to a gentler climax. 

Unlike the last, when he fucked her at an almost inhuman speed, he wanted this one to be gentle in a soul-destroying way, so he kept his thrusts shallow and unhurried whilst his assault on her clit was lightning. 

Furiously tracing figures of eight on it, he edged her towards her second orgasm, keeping himself as still and steady as possible since any proper pace would make him cum on the spot. Instead, he simply wanted to give her something to cum on, knowing his poor, sweet girl had been alone and empty for too long, aching for his cock to pump her full like he did every day--night--afternoon--whenever. 

"Ray--"

"Cum for me," he commanded, and no sooner than he did, like her pleasure was his to pluck, she did. 

All it took was a little pressure on her pussy and his fat cock deliciously stretching her walls, and she was cumming again, gasping as it hit harder than before. What was sensitivity earlier brought intense pleasure this time, making her choke and scream his name for no one but him to hear. 

For a long moment, he stood still, not moving an inch as she spammed around him, rock hard inside her, thick and pulsing and breaking her open - but he didn't move a single inch. He kept himself there, continuing to rub circles around her clit and giving her precisely what he wanted her to have.

Something to cum on.

His head buried into her neck, nosing her dripping hair, panting against her skin as he mumbled praises and curses into her ear. He stayed like that, circling her clit hard and regaining his speed, knowing if he prolonged his own end, he'd burst into flames or go insane. With his fingers still cupping her cunt, he returned to work, soothing her whimpers, cock flexing and throbbing hotter than sin, building her pleasure into an intense, slow crescendo.

"Fuck me so good, Ray..." (y/n) cried, swearing she couldn't take any more--that if he made her cum again, it would be her petite mort - the little death, but she couldn't find it in herself to push him away. She needed more, craved everything he could give her, and vowed to do anything to get everything she could. 

And it seemed her swimming head didn't realise her lips moved until she goaded him, not that she cared. 

"Sweet girl..."

"Do you know how many times I had to get off alone without you there? You know my fingers aren't enough, doofus, but I had to--thought about that weekend we had at Lake Tahoe. Y'know, when we broke the bed..."

"Fuck--you looked so gorgeous beneath me. Just like you do now," Ray groaned, screwing his eyes shut at the memory, and he could practically taste it on his tongue as he indulged in her sweet heat. 

He remembered that trip perfectly; the clandestine skinny-dipping, the many hours spent tangled in the sheets...having to sign a check to the hotel manager for damage done. But the imagined image she painted in his mind made a scorching heat lick up his spine. Picturing her smothering her moans as her hand slipped into her pyjama shorts at midnight, her secretly cumming to the thought of him made him go harder, seeking a much-needed release. 

"So good to me...my good girl. Give me another one," he muttered, fucking into her as he mouthed her neck and kept rubbing her clit, wringing out her cunt once more. 

"Oh fuck---Ray!"

"Yes--give it to--me--feel it coming. Give me a g-good one, darlin'," he grunted as he chased his end, burying himself into her a final time before she fell apart, taking him with her. Ray sank his teeth into her neck as he shot his load into her, overwhelming pleasure making his muscles tense and relax as it hit him harder than expected. 

Everything squeezed around him tighter than usual, her back arching into him, her hand finding his forearm on the wall, so she had something to grip instead of uselessly clawing the smooth tiles. 

Convulsing in pure bliss, part of (y/n) wondered if she was hurting him, judging from the stuttered groans he released into her hair. But then, he rasped "good girl" into her ear, and her walls fluttered again, proving how pleasantly tired and satiated she was once the sparks died down. Safe in his secure hold, she peeled her face off the wall and rested it against his shoulder, turning her face to lovingly rub her nose against his jugular as his movements ceased. 

No movement. Tightly immobile in his arms, Ray remained silent behind her, removing his hand from her pussy as she fell back to reality, humming soothingly when her body jerked from the tiny jolt to her clit. 

"I--I liked t-that reward," she croaked, licking her lips, despite the water reigning over their heads. 

It only struck her then how it was now lukewarm, obviously struggling to maintain the temperature the longer they were in there, but the man holding her was like a furnace anyway, affectionately rubbing her tummy, pelvic area and breasts as he became soft and adorable again.

"Good," Ray hummed, chastely kissing her cheek - a far cry from their debauchery, but they needed the sweetness just as much. Time to reaffirm their love through precious gestures and gooey words. 

"How about we finish up in here and then have a nap? You must be tired, sweet girl..." he offered, pulling out of her with a soft grunt and turning her around, so he could see her pretty face. 

Travelling all day had sucked the energy out of her. Part of him felt guilty for succumbing to his desires before allowing her to rest properly. Still, as he tenderly cupped her cheek, it wasn't tiredness he saw in her eyes. 

"I guess I am a little tired, doof," she shrugged, watching as he glanced off to the side to find her favourite shampoo, knowing he wanted to get her in bed as soon as possible. And whilst she liked that idea too, she figured it was for an entirely different reason...

"But it's been nearly a week since I last saw you. I'm not sleeping until we fuck at least two more times..."

Oh, it was good to be home. 

~

SAFETY. That was a meaty one. I think Ray knows not to let his sweet girl go again. Not without learning how FaceTime works--

I already know this is going to be a twenty-something thousand-long chapter, so without further ado--let's get into it!

An hour later, the lovebirds joined their little family in the Man Cave, wrapped in each other's arms and tripping over their feet. It was hard to hug and walk simultaneously, but they managed it, too handsy and affectionate to let go as they stumbled down the steps. 

As Schwoz, Jasper and Piper worked on getting the perfect photo of Captain Man, Henry and Charlotte created his Rumblr profile. Ray had to look perfect if he was going to find the perfect villain, so he did the pouting, and the teens at the supercomputer did the typing, knowing he wouldn't do it himself. 

"Okay. Name--Captain Man. Interested in--criminals," Henry muttered as he typed in some essential details. Meanwhile, the man of the moment was finding his feet in modelling, throwing Schwoz some of the smoulderiest smoulders he could muster as his sweet girl cheered on from the sidelines. 

"Ray, we need that pic for your profile."

"You can't rush art!" Schwoz snapped from his place on the floor because he needed the hero's best angle as he flexed his muscles in front of the picturesque backdrop. 

Honestly, Ray didn't know what he was doing, finding himself snatched from the sanctuary of his and his precious girl's bedroom and placed in a world he didn't understand. 

"Smile with your eyes, not your mouth!" The small man instructed, making the man tilt his chin down to make his gaze look soulful and doe-like. Flaring the whites of his eyes made him look a little crazy, but (y/n) thought he looked hot anyway, ogling his muscles and handsome face with little shame. 

"Show me your soul! No, no, no, your other soul. The better one!" Schwoz growled, snapping a few more pics as Ray changed positions, finding the perfect angle that showed off his best features - flawless hair, sharp yet gorgeous features, broad shoulders, cinched waist, whole lotta abs. 

"That's it...that's the one. I'm on a five," the haughty photographer announced, tossing his expensive camera up in the air for Piper to catch. She and Jasper acted as his assistants to clean up his messes when his artistry became too much to bear. 

"Great work, Schwoz!" The girl complimented, catching the device before it smashed into a million pieces. However, Piper, being Piper, saw herself as the senior assistant, and if her boss was on a break, then so was she. 

"I'm on a five!"

"Whoop--why am I holding everything?!" Jasper gasped as she threw the camera over her shoulder. It took all his effort to catch it, juggling it with everything else he had to carry; a towel, a bag, a water bottle...

"Don't care! On a five--byeeeeee!" Piper ignored him, disappearing behind the backdrop as Ray adjusted his gloves and headed toward the computer, meeting his sweet girl halfway. She wrapped her hands around his bicep, hugging his beefy arm to her body since it helped calm his nerves, which were getting the better of him in such unknown territory. 

"You looked really hot there, doofus."

"I did?" Ray asked quietly, looking genuinely surprised when she said that--as if he couldn't believe he could be desirable in this situation. She giggled and nodded, pressing her cheek to his bicep since it wasn't often she saw him in uniform as plain old (y/n) (y/l/n). Fighting crime and avoiding death didn't give her much chance for drooling - maybe she'd ask Schwoz for copies of those photos. 

"Mhmm... Couldn't take my eyes off you," she remarked with a Charing smile, stopping to kiss him gently before the kids at the computer caught on. Looking over their shoulders and seeing them canoodling wasn't unusual, but they had a job to do, no matter how uneasy the boss felt. 

"Okay, Ray...Favourite book?" Charlotte asked, ready to provide some juicer details for their prospective villain, but that would be harder than she and Henry first thought, considering they were working with a guy whose world revolved around a handful of things. 

"I don't read," Ray replied dryly, shrugging off something so dull in favour of holding his precious fiancée to his chest. No one could blame him for being so touchy after not seeing her, but he had to focus. 

"Favourite poem?"

"Same answer."

"Hobbies?"

"Fighting and Miss Danger." So far, they had a limited list. That pretty much summed up Ray's life; when he was fighting, he was with Miss Danger, and when he wasn't fighting, he was with (y/n) - one and the same person. He wasn't interested in much else, even though his sweet girl rolled her eyes at being considered a hobby. 

"Likes?"

"Fighting and Miss Danger."

"Dislikes?"

"Reading."

"You're a fascinating man, doofus," (y/n) giggled, hugging him gently to stop him from squirming and shuffling his feet. She knew he wasn't comfortable, but this idea didn't sound too bad, and if it prevented him from being so antsy and restless, she'd go along with it. 

"Okay, describe your perfect fight," Charlotte told him whilst Jasper sorted through the dozen photos of Ray's pouty face. That was a tricky question because the hero had been in thousands of fights during his career, so he had a lot of material to work with. Now, what to choose from?

"I don't know...I don't know..." Ray floundered, overwhelmed by the experience, making his sweet girl coo and lovingly stroke his bicep. How could he choose one scenario when he'd seen it all? It felt impossible, especially when he realised his answer might decide whether he got himself a hot fight that night. 

"Don't overthink it. Just be yourself," Henry advised him, so Ray took a deep breath. With (y/n) soothingly rubbing his pec, he closed his eyes and imagined the perfect scene, unlikely to happen but his dream nonetheless. 

"Okay, uh..." he swallowed for a second, dithering for another before he saw it, "it's midnight. I'm on top of a blimp...and suddenly, there's this bad guy. Sparks fly, and so do our fists. I defeat him, obviously, and I jump off the blimp right as it explodes into my sweet girl's arms. And she gives me the best reward I could ever ask for..."

"Oh, yeah!" Henry complimented, ignoring the mushy ending for the rest of the man's perfect fight because...wow. It sounded epic, something Henry would love to be a part of, and (y/n) didn't mind the idea of being there for her doofus at the end of it all. 

"You sure it's not too much?" Ray asked, unsure if he was asking for too much, but dreams are meant to be outlandish - no harm in going big. 

"Oh, no!"

"Okay, I think we have our profile pic," Jasper announced, tapping a button to send his chosen image to the supercomputer. He'd gone through all of them, and this one was the best, impressing the teens and loved-up couple when Ray's burning smoulder finished uploading. 

"Wow!"

"I'd fight you..." (y/n) remarked as she admired her doofus, secretly gloating that the hottie on the screen had his heart set on marrying her. Ray blushed at her words, squeezing her in a side hug as he pecked her temple, enjoying the affection from her in the knowledge she fancied him. 

"Totally!" Jasper agreed, simply saying that his boss looked good, but when he got too close to Ray's other side, daring to put an around his shoulders, he went too far. The hero stiffened under his touch and shrugged off his arm by stepping closer to (y/n), kissing her instead of surrendering to the boy's touch. Well, he wanted to kiss his sweet girl anyway...

"All right. Profile's done. Let's take this puppy live," Henry said, seeing they'd ticked all the boxes, dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's, so it was now just a matter of waiting for replies to come in.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..." However, Ray stopped him, laying a hand on his sidekick's shoulder to stop him from hitting the button. His nerves wouldn't let him do this; putting himself out in the open wasn't his style. 

"Nah--" Henry ignored him and uploaded his profile anyway. He who dares wins - that was his motto, and Ray wouldn't find himself a new and exciting fight but just waiting around in his hideout. 

"No! What are you doing?! I said wait!" The large man exclaimed, shocked that the kid would expose him like that, but a strange ping came from his phone before he could give Henry the third degree. Odd - it didn't sound like his usual text tone. 

"What's this?" He asked, gingerly taking his phone from his belt to analyse the notification, but he couldn't make heads or tails of it. He showed (y/n) first, most comfortable with her, but she shrugged too, gesturing for Henry to come and interpret the technobabble. 

"That's a match. Somebody wants to fight you," the kid revealed, smirking at his boss's stunned face. Ray looked at his pretty girl and Charlotte in shock, wondering how he managed to find someone so quickly, but he had to be decisive here. He didn't want any old idiot.

"Huh, okay--oh..."

"More matches!" Henry grinned as the beeps began coming thick and fast, constantly pinging Ray's PearPhone. Every villain on the app wanted a chance to fight Captain Man, which definitely didn't go to the man's head. He assumed everything was a waste of time; no one would want to fight little old him...

"Is that a smile, doofus?" (y/n) teased, brushing her pinking against her lover's crooked cheek as he struggled to contain his happiness. 

"No..." Ray lied, using all his strength to not giggle when her touch tickled his skin, but she saw through it anyway. She knew when he was relieved and snuggled into his side with an even greater grin, happy that he was pleased - even if she didn't like the idea of virtual fight-finding. 

"Yeah, it is!"

"Maybe..." Ray broke out in a smile, unable to contain it, when she peered over his bulging bicep, watching his fight requests stretch into double digits. He honestly couldn't believe that they were right, and not only was Rumblr legit, but he now how plenty of fish to choose from. 

They could be selective, choose the most suitable, and not worry about only getting the mingers. Some genuine contenders were in that extensive list, from those who also hated books to the criminals who had the hots for Miss Danger. And that meant Captain Man would have to bring his A-game, not that he was worried. 

How bad could it be if his sidekicks were going with him? Although, it would be the strangest triple date (y/n) had ever been on - well, the first. 

No one said she was returning to normality. No, her home was very much for the weird and wonderful. 

~

Fifteen minutes later, the stage was set. 

Charlotte was still sitting at the computer, readying the list of potential matches for everyone to judge. The spectators had gathered, eager to see who wanted to take on Captain Man, meaning Henry and Piper had taken their seats on the couch, a bowl of steaming popcorn straight from the auto-snacker set on the table between them. 

Of course, the girl returned to see the action, rubbing her hands at the thought of a judging session, but she didn't expect a show before the action started. Across the room, Ray was bench-pressing, lifting double his body weight to try and gain some last-minute muscle. (y/n) told him it was useless and a waste of energy, but she would never deny herself the gorgeous view. 

Every time his arms flexed, his muscles bulged and rippled underneath his skin, making her drool as she stared at his exposed chest. He'd stripped out of his uniform and the shirt he'd picked after showering, exposing an unfairly attractive, sleeveless, azure tank top, which perfectly showed off his torso. 

Pair that with how he was reclining on the bench, and she was practically on fire--begging to be allowed to sit in his lap. As encouragement, of course. To help with his heavy load. Although Jasper swore, that was his role. 

"Don't touch my bar," Ray told the boy firmly as he routinely lifted the weight, barely breaking a sweat since he did it every day. However, Jasper thought he needed help if the great hero overstepped his limits. 

"I'm not touching it. Just here if you need me."

"I don't need you," Ray grunted, wishing the boy would go away while he did his thing. He wanted to impress whoever he met later on and, better still, impress his sweet girl. 

The man may have been dense, but he knew when his fiancée checked him out, so he wore the tank. It showed off his best features, and he wouldn't mind if she sat in his lap and...aided his concentration. 

"Here if you do."

"I won't. Sweet girl, tell him," he whined, pressing effortlessly, aware of what he could do, and if he wanted anyone watching his strength, it wouldn't be Jasper. The kid had arms like ramen noodles. 

"Safety first," Curly insisted like that would convince him. Ray only dropped the barbell once when (y/n) entered the gym wearing...things, wondering why her soon-to-be husband wasn't in bed. This was different. 

"I'm indestructible!" 

"Here if you need me."

"Despite being indestructible, doofus, I'd prefer if you were as unharmed as possible. Jasper's just helping out," (y/n) spoke from the foot of the bench, ogling from the perfect angle since she had a bird's eye view of his broad shoulders, narrow waist and...fuck, those muscles. 

"If I get hurt, darlin', you can just kiss it better," Ray flirted, smirking as he pushed through the burn in his arms. He didn't need to look to know her cheeks were scorching, fluttering her eyelashes, and smiling coyly, feeling his chest swell with pride.

"Ray, stop pumping up your glamour muscles, (y/n) stop drooling over them, and both of you get over here, so we can start looking at these matches," Henry called out from the couch, ruining the flirtatious moment between the couple. 

He and Piper were growing bored, and Charlotte was ready to show them their options, meaning the hero needed to stop preening himself and bring his sweet fiancée over. 

"Yeah, dog. I wanna look at pictures of other people and judge!" Piper added, waving the ice-cold soda in her hand dramatically. 

"All right, we're comin'. Jasper, take this," Ray grunted as he lifted the weight into Jasper's waiting hands. He left the bench and took his sweet girl into his arms, unaware that the boy was no superhero. He didn't have endless, nudging muscles, so he struggled to hold it, stumbling before gradually taking it to the floor - with himself. 

"Now, I'm going to show you all the bad guys that saw your profile and want to fight you," Charlotte told her boss, ignoring the clatter of Jasper and the barbell, not to mention how her friend stroked the man's biceps like they were priceless. 

"Let's get to the judging!" Piper bellowed in a deep voice, locking eyes with Charlotte so they could smirk over (y/n)'s blatant goo-goo eyes. Suppose she didn't pick up her tongue. In that case, she'd trip over it, utterly besotted with her doofus and his bare arms - the ones curled around her body, keeping her close to his chiselled torso. 

"Okay. If you don't want to meet up with them for a fight, you swipe left. If you do want to meet up with them for a fight, then swipe right, and the app will automatically set up a meeting," the girl at the computer continued, explaining the Rumblr app, which seemed simple enough, even for a very impatient man. 

"Y'know, it's funny. I feel like ten minutes ago, I told you I wanted to see my matches, but you're still talking. I haven't seen any," Ray sniped snarkily, hoping to get to business quickly. Still, he just came off as rude, something Charlotte, with all her hard work, didn't appreciate. 

"And I'm on a five!" The girl huffed, tossing the PearPhone into the air to slope off and escape the man. He was insufferable, and god knows how (y/n) put up with him, big, muscly asshole that he was. 

"Raymond! What have I told you about being rude?!" The woman scolded her lover, smacking his arm, although that could've just been another excuse to feel his skin. However, she looked genuinely upset with him, throwing Char an apologetic look before the girl disappeared behind the secret door. 

"If I want to make friends, I have to be friendly?" Ray asked, already knowing the answer, but he grovelled for her forgiveness anyway. Even if Charlotte was the one who deserved it, he craved his pretty girl's approval and affection more than anything. 

"Exactly, you doofus!" She exclaimed, trying to be stern, but it melted when he whined and pecked her cheek, casually handing Piper the PearPhone over his shoulder. She was in charge of everything technical now and brushed past her boss and friend without staring when he kissed her neck. 

"Okay, so just look at these pics and tell me if you wanna swipe left or right," she told him before quickly moving on to the first applicant. Tyler Mayhem - a funny-looking guy whose chosen quote was, "The first rule about Rumblr, you do not talk about Rumblr". He may have thought he was hot, but Ray wasn't too impressed. 

"All right. This guy says his likes are--"

"Left," he said immediately before Henry could read his profile. He didn't care if he liked homemade explosions and soap-making; the guy looked weird. 

"Okay... This guy is from--" Henry quickly moved on, noticing his boss' unimpressed face. Mop Man was a vegan, part-time cleaner at the Swellview Cineplex from Bordertown who claimed to "mop up heroes" - what a loser. 

"Oooh...left."

"Wow," Henry muttered flatly, growing frustrated since he wouldn't even give the potential fights a chance. Ray kept swiping left, finding a fault in everyone, whether their weird hair, lack of prowess or pathetic alter egos, which meant Bad Guy went straight out the window. 

"Wow, this villain once robbed a--"

"Big left!" 

"Are you serious, dude?!" The kid exclaimed, thinking he looked okay. Perhaps a little weedy, but the guy looked like he'd be worth a minor scuffle. 

"What?" Ray looked at him innocently, wondering why his sidekick looked so grumpy when all he was doing was holding his precious girl, occasionally kissing her forehead, and taking orders. It wasn't his fault that all these villains were noobs. 

"You're not even giving any of these villains a chance."

"That last one's name was Bad Guy. I'm not gonna match with anybody who can't come up with a better name than that," the hero hissed, grimacing at the poor persona before turning his back on the screen.

He was strutting around like a peacock, puffing his chest out as he sauntered past (y/n), making her giggle, but Piper found his words hilarious. 

"Yeah, okay, Captain Man," the girl chuckled sarcastically, thinking he was one to talk with his bland name. He must've devised it in five seconds all those years, yet Ray was still very protective of his name. 

"What did you say?" The man growled, taking a step toward the brat, who didn't even work in his Man Cave. One snap of his fingers and she'd be out, and she'd do well to remember that. 

"Okay, okay, okay, doofus! It's a lovely name, and y'know, I love calling you Captain..." (y/n) intervened, stepping between Piper and her fiancé so they didn't fight. With her eyelashes fluttering and palms pressed to his chest, Ray couldn't help but forget about the argument, his smouldering gaze following her hungry one as he got her meaning. 

"More matches, more matches, more matches--we're gonna do more matches," Henry rambled, seeing how the couple lost focus, and he'd worked with them long enough to know that look. The hungry look. Bedroom eyes. The "I want to see that tank top on the floor" face. 

"Let's do this, one guy. This guy, right here. What do you think of him?" 

"Too short," Ray shrugged, draping a tree trunk-like arm around (y/n)'s shoulders, encouraging her to snuggle into his side. With Bubble Brain being five-foot-eight - with socks on - Piper swiped left, giving Ray another option, yet he was quickly turned down too. 

"Too tall." Rock Sampson went, too, no matter if he was a "walking German murder machine". So, she pulled up the next guy - The Writer. He was the perfect height and loved complaining, but it seemed like the pen was mightier than the sword here, and Ray couldn't bear to be seen fighting a noob. 

"Just right..."

"Nice!"

"But ugly. Pass," he said flippantly, irritating Henry again as his sister moved on. There had to be something wrong with the guy, but he was presented with the most beautiful women, models and Miss World winners, yet he chose (y/n) out of them all. His taste was specific, subtle and unpredictable but specific. 

But the next guy...he had something about him. Something specific. 

"The Lawn Ranger?" Ray read out, his heart thumping as he viewed the guy's profile. He looked nothing short of incredible; he had a cool name, handsome, boyish looks, a brief but practical introduction, and even his dream fight was identical. Rumblr said he was the best, but suddenly, the hero felt jittery. 

"Yeah, man. You guys are a ninety-seven per cent match for each other, and look! His dream fight is on top of a blimp," Henry said calmly, noting how quiet the man had gone. He held (y/n) closer but never took his eyes off the screen, studying this Lawn Ranger and his beautifully sculpted face. 

"At midnight. Just like yours!" Jasper exclaimed, thinking the guy's suitability was uncanny. 

"Yeah, but, I mean, it's not like he wants to--"

"...Jump off it as it explodes-- Yes, that's exactly what it says, doof," (y/n) cooed, squeezing his arm as best she could, unable to get her fingers to meet around it. Ray couldn't believe it, acting toughly vulnerable as he got closer - it had to be too good to be true. 

"You really think that this bad guy could be the one?" He asked quietly, unsure if he should expose his feelings for something so risky. 

"Yeah..."

"Yeah, dude."

"Let's do it."

"You know you want to, doofus," his family encouraged, thinking they wouldn't find anyone better, but Ray was still nervous. He looked at (y/n), wanting her to tell him this was stupid and to back off--to stay safe--but she just smiled and nodded. If his sweet girl thought it was okay, then...

"I guess we could swipe right..." he said anxiously, much to his helpers' delight. Before the hero could change his mind, Piper accepted the fight, creating a match between Captain Man and The Lawn Ranger, which pleased Ray more than he let on. 

"Okay! Looks like you got a fight set for an hour from now at TBD," Henry read aloud, recognising the initials, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Ray, however, being the superhero he was, had heard of every scum-filled hole in Swellview. 

"Oh, The Beating Dungeon!"

"Oh, yeah! That underground fight club!" (y/n) grinned, squeezing him tightly, and finally, the excitement began to eat away at Ray's nerves. He was looking forward to the fight, but as one wave of anxiety passed, another came. 

"Oh my god, it's happening! What am I gonna wear?"

"Your Captain Man uniform?" (y/n) suggested, seeing how he was overthinking it. All he had to do was be himself; after all, he was the great hero of the city, but she understood his nerves. She had been the same when preparing to go on her first date with him, deeming her wardrobe inadequate and her face a let-down. 

"Yes, that's perfect, sweet girl! It looks great on me!" he exclaimed, seizing her by the shoulders and pulling her into a swift kiss. He'd hear no argument from (y/n), who regularly checked him out in the super-suit, seeing no imperfection, unlike Ray, who suddenly felt inadequate. And don't get him started on his face. 

"But I gotta go lift some weights first."

"Here if you need me!" Jasper offered again, ready and eager to be there for the hero in case his vast bulk failed him. As if. 

"I don't need you!" Ray insisted, running to his weight-pressing bench with (y/n) hot on his heels. He'd never let her do something so dangerous, but he wouldn't deny her the show, loving how dark her eyes got when he got his arms out. However, a little help would be good. 

"Henry, come give me a spot."

"What?!" Jasper gasped, wondering what his best friend had that he didn't - save for the fact Ray liked Henry a lot more. But the kid was busy, speeding through the Rumblr app because if the man wanted him and (y/n) to tag along tonight, they'd need fights too. 

"Hang on, dude. I gotta set up my Rumblr profile."

"You haven't set it up yet?" Ray asked worriedly, the determination draining from his face as he curled his arms with the barbell. Fabulous; now, he was worried that the kid wouldn't get a date in time, and when he looked at his precious fiancée, she didn't look particularly hurried, either. 

"Relax. I'm done," the boy said calmly, flicking through his phone as the alerts started to fly in. Like Captain Man, every villain in Swellview wanted to fight Kid Danger, so he had the quantity, yet he wasn't fussed with the quality. 

"Lot of matches, so..."

"Let's see 'em! I'm ready to get my hate on!" Piper said excitedly, hoping to have more input from her brother than with Ray, but Henry wasn't in it for the fight. This was just his way of upholding his side of the bargain. 

"Nah. I'm probably just gonna pick the first one."

"You're gonna swipe right on the first villain you see? Do you think that's wise, kid?" (y/n) asked, placing her hand on the boy's shoulder, using all her resilience to tear her gaze away from the Greek god pumping iron. 

"Henry, don't do that. You deserve so much more," Jasper agreed with the woman, stepping into his friend's personal space in a borderline creepy manner. Suddenly, his face was too close for comfort, making Henry recoil whilst Ray put his weights down and came over. 

"Whatever. This guy seems fine. Just gonna swipe."

"What's his name?" The hero questioned, finding his sidekick's disinterest in who he was fighting concerning. 

"Uhh...Kyle."

"Mmmm. Sounds like a dud." Henry scoffed at Ray's criticism once he'd accepted the match. Just because he had a dull name didn't mean he wasn't worth the trouble; this night was for him. Who cared what Henry did?

"Says he likes energy drinks and punching holes in walls." That didn't sound too bad. A little psychotic, but Kyle was meant to be a villain. 

"Sounds like my uncle..." Jasper joked, making (y/n) chuckle. She knew that feeling, shivering upon remembering her ill-fated reunion, but the memory was interrupted by a notification beeping on Ray's phone. 

He pulled out his PearPhone, glancing at the screen before gasping. It was like he'd seen a ghost; all the colour drained from his face, and suddenly, his hands couldn't stop shaking. Whatever was on his phone made the renowned Captain Man nervous. 

"It's him! It's him! The Lawn Ranger sent me a message! Oh my god!" He squealed, dancing on the spot like a teenage girl getting a text from her crush. 

"What did he say?" Piper asked.

"I dunno. I'm too nervous--you read it, darlin'. You read it..." Ray panicked, assuming the worst, despite having mutuality with the guy. So, he passed the device to (y/n), who took it with a bemused eye roll, wondering who this fangirl was and what she did with her doofus. 

"I'm excited to get to mow you," she read, feeling like she was back in college when she was always the third wheel. Being a major in mechanical engineering will do that to you, but for Ray, the nerdy, cheesy pun was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. 

"Mow you! 'Cause he's The Lawn Ranger," he laughed, unlike his companions who didn't see the hilarity.

"You're not gonna get that kind of wordplay from Kyle."

"Just...go back to your weightlifting, you big doofus," (y/n) sighed, shaking her head as he dreamily skipped across the room, twirling and holding his phone to his chest like the boy had texted back. 

Henry giggled at the strange sight he made; he could deal with the underhanded insults about his upcoming match, but the kid found his boss' newfound obsession funny. It reminded him of when his boss used to jump through hoops to get a second glance from his sweet girl, unaware she was in the other room, melting after the slightest interaction with him. 

And speaking of the girl, she seemed remarkably un-busy. Less focus on his and Ray's fights and more on hers - wasn't Miss Danger attending tonight?

"What about you, (y/n/n)? Who's gonna be your villain for tonight?" Henry inquired, having thought this was supposed to be a triple-fight, and the sudden question made Ray drop his weights again. 

"Oh, I don't think I'm gonna bother," (y/n) shrugged, tapping the PearPhone still in her pocket, but a little explanation wouldn't have hurt. Ray's face flashed with panic for a second as he concluded she didn't want to attend, leaving him to suffer with Henry because he couldn't fight with her support. 

"What?! But sweet girl, you said you'd come! You have to! I can't do this without you! What if I forget how to fight? Or if I fall over and forget how to walk? What if this is one big joke, and I don't have anyone with me?..."

(y/n) blinked at him for a few seconds - one, two, three - before bursting into laughter. It wasn't mean, vindictive, or anything like that, but he worked himself into such a panic she couldn't help but chuckle. Ray looked at her, completely bewildered, as she embraced him, wrapping her arms around his neck to run her fingers through his hair. 

"Doofus! Don't be a doofus all your life..." She said gently, leaning up to softly kiss him, silencing his screaming worries because when Ray kissed his sweet girl, all was right in the world. 

"You'll not forget how to fight or walk, so stop worrying! This guy seems legit, and anyway, I'll be there the entire time."

"What about your fight? You don't have a Rumblr profile..." the hero said quietly, hoping she wasn't going just to sit and watch. That didn't sound fun, and he didn't want her sitting at some grimy bar, accepting drinks from every asshole in Swellview because he was off fighting The Lawn Ranger. 

"And I don't want one, doof. I'm perfectly happy just going to The Beating Dungeon and waiting for the right villain to come along. Ladies don't like to be rushed into these things. We want them to make the first move," she teased, hyper-aware of his bare arms around her--so close to ripping that tank top down the middle. 

"You sure you don't want to arrange a match, (y/n/n)? You just wanna go and scout the crowd?" Henry asked concernedly. He'd existed around their lovey-dovey moments long enough that he didn't care if he was interrupting, and he wasn't affected by Ray's glares, either. 

The kid never thought he'd say it but agreed with Ray. Going alone sounded so risky, and whilst he didn't doubt Miss Danger's allure and popularity, Captain Man would patrol anyone who dared go near her. No one would be good enough to fight his sweet girl, and he could see a brawl erupting when the hero said something...inflammatory. 

"Nope. Call me old-fashioned, but I want to meet a villain properly, have them buy me a drink, and take it slow. This online fighting will never catch on..."

~The Beating Dungeon~

No one could say The Beating Dungeon wasn't impressive. Maybe it needed cleaning - scum-filled from the floors to the bar to the people who frequented it - but it was really cool. 

Everything was designed to tend to any villain's needs and welcome any hero who wanted to fight there. From the neon lights to multiple platforms and weapons for them to choose from, there was everything they wanted, away from the prying eyes of Swellview's Police. Good thing, too, because the joint was packed tonight. 

Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Miss Danger walked in to see a hero and villain tumble to the ground in a scrap. The brawl impressed Ray, skipping like a child as he led his sweet girl hand-in-hand into the club, ecstatic at the prospect of his upcoming fight. 

"This is so exciting! I love that there's a place where everybody's down to fight!" The man exclaimed as they worked their way through the crowd. Many recognised the three brightly dressed figures crossing the floor, some showing a flicker of interest when (y/n) offered them a friendly smile, only for her doofus to scare them off with a cutting scowl. 

She wouldn't get much action tonight at this rate.

"Oh my god! It's Captain Man, Miss Danger, and Kid Danger!" A feminine voice cried behind them as they neared the bar's edge. Looking over their shoulders, the trio saw two interesting characters bound up to them, dressed in lizard-themed costumes that made them look almost identical. 

"Yeah... What's up?" Henry asked casually, keeping it friendly, even though their green, scaly skin, flickering tongues, catlike eyes and smooth heads creeped him out. 

"We're the Lizard Twins. We'd love to fight you one day," the male lizard said, twitching his head to the side with his sister in a reptilian manner. They took their aesthetic very seriously; unfortunately, (y/n) had never been a fan and only wanted to hide under Ray's arm when they looked her way. 

"We couldn't believe it when we saw your profiles on Rumblr," the girl said before her eyes flickered to (y/n), who shuffled nervously under her keen gaze. 

"We didn't see yours, though, Miss Danger. Are you off the market?"

"Oh, no, nothing like that. I'm just waiting for the right offer," the heroine said with a polite smile, but her open-ended statement sounded like a proposal. 

"Oh, do you guys wanna fight right now?" The guy asked. He and his sister raised their hands in an elegant yet creepy manner, with Ray instinctively raising his fists. Anyone would love to take on Captain Man and his sweet girl, but sadly, they couldn't accept. 

"We can't..."

"Sorry, guys. We're actually here to fight someone else," Henry apologised, gesturing to him and Ray as (y/n) gently shook her head and declined the offer. 

Honestly, she saw organising a fight as trouble and much preferred to save her resources, skills and energy for when they were needed, not when she felt like flexing her super-regeneration. 

"Aw, Bumblr!" The male lizard sighed, sad to know someone else had beaten them to the chase. 

"Yeah, I matched on Rumblr with The Lawn Ranger, so..." Ray bragged, looking smug as he boasted bout the epic fight he had lined up for himself, but strangely, the Lizard Twins didn't fall on the floor in admiration. Instead, they turned to each other and snickered, finding something funny whilst the trio missed the joke. 

"What's so funny? Do you know this Lawn Ranger guy?" Miss Danger asked, squinting her eyes in suspicion as a low, uneasy feeling settled in her stomach. 

"Yeah. He's right over there," the scaly girl smirked, looking over her shoulder as her brother snorted, unable to hide their amusement. 

"Eating chilli!" The pair ran off with their hands clamped over their mouths to stop any other giggles escaping, so to see what was so damn hilarious, the heroes looked across the room. And that's when they saw the elephant. 

He was huge. Big, tubby and soft. His outfit looked like it had been shrunk in the wash. Cheap, patchy and...grassy. His face looked like it was made from rubber. Flabby, pasty, and stained with chilli sauce from where he'd slurped from the bowl. 

The Lawn Ranger looked nothing like what he had done online, and (y/n) instantly suspected his Photoshop skills fixed the sharp jawline and blemishes on his profile, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the sinking feeling in Ray's stomach as all the good feelings drained away, and he certainly didn't want to talk to the elephant in the room. 

Suddenly, he felt cornered. Humiliated. Cheated. 

"Oh, noooo..."

"Just pretend you don't see him." Henry hissed, turning his boss away from the chubby guy, praying he hadn't seen them in the crowd. What had been perfectly arranged was quickly falling into a nosedive, and the kid knew he and (y/n) needed to act as damage control, but things only got worse. 

"He looks nothing like his pictures!"

"Yeah, you got catfished, doof. I'm sorry," (y/n) said softly, stroking the man's back to be supportive as she held back something along the lines of, "I knew this would all end in tears."

"He looks stupid!"

"He's right behind us..." Henry told them curtly, playing it cool as he glanced over his shoulder to the weirdo strolling up to them. The Lawn Ranger had definitely seen them, probably because they weren't hard to miss in those uniforms, so now, all they could do was tolerate him. And the stench of damp grass. 

"Hi!"

"How are you?"

"Who might you be?" They asked politely, but their smiles looked a little too friendly--crazy, even--as the grass-wearing oddball cleared his throat and boldly addressed the heroes - like he wasn't a walking bush. 

"It's me! The Lawn Ranger!"

"Yeah, I didn't recognise you. Probably because you didn't look absolutely nothing like the pictures you posted," Ray replied cuttingly, his voice harsh and accusatory, making (y/n) dig his fingernails into his bicep to make him watch his tone, not that she could blame him. She was pretty pissed and feeling quite protective of her doofus. 

"I know... I should probably update those," The Lawn Ranger shrugged, having the decency to at least look guilty, but his enthusiasm returned in leaps and bounds, "but I can still fight!"

Ray didn't look too impressed as the so-called villain tried to start the grass trimmer in his sweaty palms - his weapon of choice - like he would mow his enemies into submission. However, he proved pretty clumsy as he dropped the garden tool onto the floor, missing the pull string entirely. 

"Oopsie..." he said quietly, offering the unamused heroes a small smile before bending over to pick up the trimmer. A loud, sharp ripping sound surged through the air, making (y/n)'s cheeks turn pink and Ray's mouth flop open because everyone knew what that sound was. 

"That was my pants..." the guy chuckled nervously, avoiding anyone's eyes during the worst introduction in the history of the human race, which proved too much for Henry to bear. He had to look away - to spare the man's dignity. 

"Yeah, I got that..." Ray retorted flatly, wondering if he should shield his precious fiancée's eyes from this debauchery. If it wasn't the massive hole in the man's ill-fitting pants, it was the expanse of exposed, hairy, flabby stomach hanging from his too-small shirt that would offend her eyes, and Ray didn't want her seeing any more of The Lawn Ranger's...man-garden. 

"Excuse me, gentlemen--milady. I'm just gonna scooch by you real quick. Back in a jiffy... You and I could fight once I'm done with Captain Man. Eh, Miss Danger? I'm a huge fan!"

"Haha, yeah... Nooooo," (y/n) laughed courteously before she let her fake smile fall once he'd run to the bathroom, thinking she'd rather die than be seen fighting that guy. It wouldn't be fair, and she believed she gave all her opponents a fighting chance. 

"This guy is a loser, sweet girl!" Ray hissed in her ear, resenting the idea that he A) thought the fight was still on, B) assumed he could beat him in a fight, C) dared to ask Miss Danger out, and D) hoped she might say yes. 

"You're telling me. Look, why don't we just go? This was obviously a big mistake--" the heroine said gently, wanting to remove her doofus from the embarrassing situation before anything else could go wrong. But suddenly, a booming, commanding voice came over the speakers as the lights dimmed, and an electric guitar riff replaced the background music. 

"Heroes and villains, put your hands together for the hottest villain in Swellview!" The host bellowed, making his fellow villains scream in delight as a shadowy figure dropped through the glass ceiling. 

A man dressed in an orange basketball uniform landed gracefully in a puddle of broken glass and spotlight, a deranged scowl on his face when he stood up. The unknown villain accepted an energy drink from someone in the crowd, cracking it open to take a long swig before crumpling the can on his forehead.

"Who's this freak?" (y/n) asked, not knowing whether to be disgusted or impressed as he tossed the can to the floor and howled at the sky like a savage animal. 

Everyone, give it up for Kyle!" Judging by the cheers from the crowd, Kyle was hot stuff, and Ray felt his heart sink a little lower as he recognised the name. (y/n) did too, and when she looked at Henry with his gobsmacked expression and awe-inspired eyes, she knew why. 

"Dude! Dude! That's Kyle! That's Kyle! That's my match! Oh, he's even better than the pictures!" The boy said excitedly, unable to believe his luck at how his apparent "dud" was the hottest villain around. 

However, as much as (y/n) congratulated him, Ray found it impossible to be happy for his sidekick, standing there with his arms folded and a pitiable frown ruining his handsome features. 

"I'm ready to go," he said haughtily, utterly done with the charade. He'd been humiliated, mocked, and had become a spectacle, so his bed was only calling to him now, where he could hide in soft sheets and his sweet girl's arms. Anything to forget the name Rumblr and everything to do with it. 

"What?

"I'd like to go."

"Are you serious, dude? What about Kyle?" Henry spluttered, marvelling at the man's mardy selfishness. This was the chance of a lifetime, and whilst he knew this started at Ray's night, he'd be insane to pass fighting Kyle - and Ray would be cruel to stop him. 

"I'm ready to go." But the hero wouldn't budge. 

"Can't you just wait while I fight Kyle?" Henry asked, looking at (y/n) pleadingly, hoping she'd get through to her fiancé if he couldn't. The woman felt for the kid, squeezing his upper arm supportively as she turned to her lover with her diplomatic head on. She felt for Ray, her heart bleeding because she knew how torn up he'd think over this let-down, but taking it out on the kid was unfair. 

"Couldn't we wait until Kid Danger is finished with Kyle, doofus?" She asked sweetly, using all of her best tricks to try and soften his hard, bitter exterior, but she fell in love with the man - and his stubbornness. 

"What are we supposed to do, darlin'?"

"Let's just...I don't know...fight the grass guy! Just to blow off some steam!" (y/n) suggested, although she didn't sound sure of herself as the couple glanced at The Lawn Ranger to see him taping the tear in his pants. Oh god, he made a tragic sight, bent over without a sewing kit, making Ray look at his lover, unimpressed and bored. 

"Ew! Sweet girl, are you serious?"

"Look, you matched with him, right? There's gotta be something between you. You're both interested in Miss Danger--give him a chance!" Henry exclaimed, trying to convince him, but one look at The Lawn Ranger and Ray knew he wouldn't give him any chances. He didn't fight guys with tape on their asses.

"I'm interested in Miss Danger because she's my wife--or she will be! This guy is a loser. Like she said, this was a mistake!" 

"Yo, this is just part of putting yourself out there. Okay? You leave now, and you'll end up sad, covered in cereal, and moping around your wife!" Henry sighed, predicting an inevitable future where Ray returned to his slump until the next big fight came. And who knows when that will happen. 

"I like cereal! And I don't mope..." the hero argued, growing pouty and defensive since the boy assumed he fell apart when not entertained, turning to cheap fixes, poor hygiene and his poor pretty girl. 

"You mope, doofus. You're the mopiest moper who ever moped when you get sad. Besides, we can't ruin this fight for the kid," (y/n) chuckled, rubbing her hands up and down his chest as Ray whined, vying for her affection to soothe the pain in his chest. 

She'd admit that fans like The Lawn Ranger weren't her favourite, but he would fill their time significantly as Kyle grew impatient to start his match. 

"WHERE'S KID DANGER?" He bellowed, scanning the crowd, and Henry couldn't contain himself. Maybe it was against orders and a little embarrassing - how loud he screamed - but god, he was so ready to throw fists. 

"I'm right here!"

"Come on, man. Don't leave me here with this guy!" Ray begged, practically tearing up when his sidekick eagerly walked away, but there was nothing he could do to stop him - just hug his precious fiancée tighter. 

"You have Miss Danger! Have fun!" Henry grinned before slinking into the crowd, leaving the couple alone with The Lawn Ranger. (y/n) untangled herself from her doofus, keeping close since he needed the contact, but she couldn't ignore the guy, no matter how pathetic he was. 

"Hi," Ray said tightly, knowing he had to keep it civil for the sake of his girl and out of respect for the people around them. However, his so-called perfect match made it so damn difficult not to...deck him. 

"Grass attack! Grass attack! Grass attack!" The Lawn Ranger grunted as he chucked fistfuls of grass clippings at him and (y/n). Thankfully, the vegetation didn't do anything - because it was the most ridiculous and ineffective attack either had ever seen - but the sheer audacity had Ray fuming. 

"Um, I think I'm gonna sneeze..." (y/n) coughed, rubbing her nose as the grass caught her face. The pollen made her eyes run and her nose itch, which was the final straw for Ray, who could cope with the humiliation, but no one agitated his precious girl's sensitive sniffer. 

"Who is the adversary here? Will you excuse us for a second?" He asked, hurrying his fiancée away from The Lawn Loser before she went into a hay fever fit. Unfortunately, during their escape, they happened to stumble across the Lizard Twins, who couldn't help but giggle and snigger after watching the entire exchange. 

"Don't you two have anything better to do?" Miss Danger hissed, placing her hands on her hips as she confronted them. Whilst Ray wanted to mope at a spare table in a shadowy corner, she needed to make them see - no one made fun of her doofus. Especially not nobodies like those two. 

"You're marrying a dork! Do you seriously wanna be tied to a guy who matched with--"

"Shut up!" The heroine snapped, yanking the laser control from her belt quicker than the Lizard Girl could blink. 

She didn't get to finish her sentence before she and her brother hit the ground, thanks to a couple of amber plasma bolts for opening her poxy mouth. The Lawn Ranger watched with an open mouth as they lay there, lifeless, but (y/n) didn't care. Ray was her priority, and she didn't want him out in the open like some roadside freak show, so she took his hand and guided him to what he wanted. 

A small, isolated table in a shadowy corner. 

"Thank you, sweet girl. You didn't have to do that," Ray said quietly as he sat on the cheap bench, resting his arms on the table. She sat opposite him, reaching out to interlace her fingers with his. 

"Yes, I did. You're not a dork. You're a doofus. My doofus. And I hate seeing you like this... I'm sorry it didn't work out," (y/n) replied softly, lifting his hand to kiss his knuckles, her tummy fluttering when the affection made him crack a small, sad smile. Whilst she could give him company, there wasn't much else she could do, just sit with him and be a shoulder to cry on - take his strain for all the times he took hers. 

"It's okay. I'm sorting it..." the hero muttered, squeezing her hand like a lifeline as he fished the PearPhone from his belt. 

His sweet girl looked at him curiously, taking a moment to figure it out, and Ray could pinpoint when it clicked. He loved that about her--how things connected so quickly for her. He only wished he could do the same. 

"Running away won't help."

"Right now, darlin', I just want you and me to go home. Or anywhere. Anywhere but here," Ray sighed, thumbing a specific contact on his phone, which started the achingly long dialling tone as he waited for Charlotte to pick up. 

Charlotte was the one to call in an emergency. That girl was brilliant, so she'd help him out, arrange for them to be picked up, and then he could escape this nightmare. (y/n) still didn't like it, hoping the night wouldn't end like this, but he was determined to run. 

"What's up, Ray?"

"I wanna go home!" He sounded utterly miserable when Charlotte finally answered, and she didn't seem too pleased to be disturbed so early into the night. 

"What's wrong?" The girl sighed, having been enjoying some downtime with her fellow helpers. A disaster involving the man and his planned fight was almost predictable, but she'd expected him to last longer than this. 

"The Lawn Ranger is lame. Kid Danger left me. And I'm not even kidding--I sat down in some mustard, and it's all over my butt!" The man cried, making (y/n)'s mouth open in sympathy as he avoided all eye contact. She was ready to cry for him now if she had felt sorry for him, knowing exactly why he didn't mention it earlier. 

Did she really wanna be tied to a guy who matched with The Lame Ranger and unknowingly sat in some jerk's spilt mustard? Of course, he stayed silent. 

"Oh, doofus..."

"Isn't (y/n) there with you?" Charlotte asked, wondering how it could be so bad when his fiancé was there to support him. She could vaguely hear her voice in the background, so, putting two and two together, she guessed the woman was tending his wounds and drying his tears. Why she was needed was beyond her. 

"Yeah, but we--I don't wanna be here. I wanna be in our bedroom, in bed, with no one watching, so we can--"

"Gonna stop you there!" Charlotte exclaimed hurriedly, wanting to know none of the finer details--for the sake of her innocence. Instead, she changed her focus, glad to know someone was sitting with him, although she felt for (y/n) and all the moping she was putting up with. Because he moped. A lot. 

"Where did Henry go?"

"He's fighting Kyle, who's awesome," Ray sniffled as the kid of the moment was thrown through a window. His fight had led him to the building rafters, where Kyle had momentarily gotten the upper hand, meaning he took a tumble. 

"Holy shit!" (y/n) gasped, feeling her heart thud against her rib cage when the boy landed on his back with a grunt. Her boy. Her kid. Beaten like a punching bag. Tossed around like a rag doll. And yet strangely, he seemed to be enjoying it. 

"This is the best fight I've ever had in my entire life!"

"I'm gonna destroy you!" The couple watched in shock as Henry got to his feet just as Kyle broke through the window's remains. It was all fun and games for them, witty banter passing between the two as Henry pulled out a grappling gun and shot the hook across the room. 

"Where'd you get a grappling hook?!" Ray questioned, almost speechless at how their relationship had blossomed; from humble beginnings to solid sparring partners, both were fighting for their lives - all in good fun. 

"I took it off Kyle! He knows exactly what I like!" Henry grinned before zipping off, flying away before his opponent could thump him. Kyle landed before he could get a hit in, but he was still tenacious, hot on Kid Danger's heels to resume the spat. Seeing Henry having so much fun infuriated Ray, so he returned to his phone. 

"I wanna go home! Tell Piper to come pick Miss Danger and me up!" He begged, pulling (y/n) beside him this time. It was a tight squeeze in the booth, but they managed it, her practically sitting on his knee, but Ray liked it. He craved it. The close contact until they could go home. 

"Just drive yourself!" Charlotte told him, knowing they'd taken the Man Van.

"Kid Danger has the keys! Come on! Piper has a license--we've established this!" The man whined down the receiver, stamping his foot as best he could with (y/n) so close. He sounded like a child, tragic and annoying, as he begged for help, clutched the phone and nuzzled into his sweet girl simultaneously, searching for support and comfort where he could. 

"Y'know, it's funny. I feel like ten minutes ago, I told you to drive yourself, but you're still talking and not driving," the girl sassed, recalling her boss' words earlier that afternoon when he'd been so rude to her. 

"When I said that to you earlier, it was hilarious, but when you say it to me, it's just mean!" Ray sniffed, hoping she'd put her unkindness aside to rescue him and his girl. However, his suffering was what Charlotte wanted to hear. Satisfied he was moping, she hung up, much to her pleasure and Ray's despair. 

"What?! No! She hung up on me!"

"I won't lecture you on being friendly again, but just remember that what goes around comes around, doofus. And now, we're stuck here," (y/n) sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, pausing to kiss the edge of it. 

Ray hummed, aware she was right, but he didn't want to repent, apologise, or grovel. He wanted to go home. 

"This night is a bust," he sniffled, wallowing in self-pity and misery as he turned to kiss her head in return. 

Perhaps he'd reflect on this moment later and deem it the highlight of the evening - a quiet spot and a private conversation with his darling girl, who put up with more of his shit than she deserved. But right now, nothing seemed to shine, not even as they slipped their hands together and rested for a second.

"It'll be over soon. We'll just wait for the kid, and then, we can slip out. I mean, what else can go wrong?" (y/n) chuckled humourlessly, rubbing her cheek against his uniform's silken sleeve as they assumed all that was left was a long wait for Henry to finish...until a voice came from behind. 

"Grass attack incoming!" The unmistakable sound of The Lawn Ranger exclaimed, appearing from nowhere, making Ray sigh, but nothing could've prepared the couple for what he planned on doing. 

Suddenly, a grass shower rained on their heads, making (y/n) gasp softly and lean into her doofus, voicing her annoyance with a disgruntled whine. He'd been told to back off, yet he'd returned, throwing handfuls of grass over them, ruining her hair and making her nose itch again. 

"What the--"

"Grass on your head! Grass on your back!" The Lawn Ranger grunted, explicitly aiming for Ray, but given his proximity to Miss Danger, it was inevitable some of his attacks would scatter over her too. A stony expression fell on the hero's face, drawing a line between himself and his fiancée because she didn't sign up for this harassment, and honestly, neither did he. 

"Grass on your shoulders! Supergrass attack!"

"ACHOO!--Sorry...allergies," (y/n) sniffed, holding her nose to try and stop herself from losing it again, but the itching wouldn't stop. 

That was the final straw for Ray. He usually found her sneezes adorable, but now, he'd reached the end of his rope. 

"I can't do this. Come on, sweet girl..." he muttered, moving to leave with Miss Danger; he didn't know where, but he had to get away from this loser. Rising from the table, hands still joined, they stepped away from The Lawn Ranger, who looked shocked at the man's rudeness. 

"What's wrong?"

"Look, you seem like an awful person," Ray sighed, meaning it in the kindest way since he was a villain. Apparently. 

"Thank you!"

"And any hero would be lucky to fight you..."

"What are you doing?" The guy asked worriedly, sensing something was wrong from how Miss Danger avoided his gaze and Captain Man spoke - his words sounding like the end game. 

"I'm breaking up this fight," Ray said, ripping off the bandaid instead of dragging it out. Maybe it was cruel, but fighting the dweeb would be worse, knowing one punch would finish him, so no matter how much he whined, he didn't want to be associated anymore. 

"No, I can change! Literally! In the winter, I turn brown!" The Lawn Ranger reasoned as if that would make it any better. 

Of all the things he could've said, becoming a sad, crispy colour didn't impress, not like Kyle did with Henry as the two streaked past, the former dodging lasers as the kid spammed his controllers. 

"Kyle is everything!" Kid Danger grinned before continuing, sparing no time for his boss since he enjoyed himself so much. That did it for Ray; the humiliation was too much, and he didn't care if he had to wait on a park bench in the driving, pissing rain. 

"And we're leaving. Miss Danger, are you coming?"

"Of course," (y/n) nodded, darting under his arm as she braced herself for the stormy night, but they couldn't leave until The Lawn Ranger stopped whining. 

"But why?! I haven't even asked Miss Danger for a fight yet!"

"Look, it's not you. It's me. I'm...too good for you. And believe me, my incredibly hot fiancée's way outta your league," Ray replied, leaving (y/n) unsure whether he regarded her superhero skills or more feminine ones--like she'd be interested in the guy. 

Regardless, that's where they left it, turning to leave before things got ugly, but without looking where they were going, it was inevitable they'd bump into someone. Unfortunately, the Lizard Twins had to be another stroke of luck. 

"Sorry..."

"We didn't see you there--"

"Hey! Thanks for swiping us!"

"Yeah, can't wait to fight you," the brother-sister duo said, confusing the couple as they stared at Ray with their reptilian eyes. The hero had no idea what they were talking about, with the last thing he wanted being another fight. 

"I didn't match with either of you."

"Yes, you did," the guy argued as he and his sister took out their phones, and to the heroes' shock, there it was on the Rumblr app. Captain Man had been signed up by some unknown power to fight the Lizard Twins - his account had accepted the fight proposal. And that wasn't the worst bit. 

"These guys say you matched with them, too," the girl said, gesturing over her shoulder, where a whole hoard of villains stood, each presenting their phones to show that Ray had arranged to fight everyone. 

He and (y/n) gulped as they studied his phone, wondering how it could've happened, but as far as the villains were concerned, he was fair game. 

"Let's rush this fool!" One bellowed a battle cry, rallying his fellow bad guys to take on Captain Man. 

"Care to fight, Miss Danger?" He asked, glancing at his sweet girl as they dug their heels in and charged. There was little time to decide, and Ray would understand if she wanted to duck for cover behind the bar, but that wasn't how (y/n) rolled. His fights were hers, no matter how outnumbered they were. 

"Oh, Captain... It would be my pleasure," she smirked, clenching her fists before charging with him, taking on the stampede head-on. 

Immediately, they were pushed to the centre, fists and feet coming out of nowhere as they clawed at whoever they could touch--and in the middle of that lot, there was plenty to handle. No one could tell who was hitting who, but it felt good to work out the frustration, even if it meant taking a few dozen blows to the ribs. 

Eventually, they fell to the floor, pummelled down by the onslaught, but it was better down there despite being trodden on a few times. In the madness, Ray managed to find his lover, gripping her hand as he yelled in her ear to start crawling; there had to be an exit somewhere. 

Crawling on their bellies, the couple made it out alive, a little sore and breathless but pumped with adrenaline, raring to go back in. Henry was too busy with Kyle to notice the mass brawl in the middle of the room, but that was okay because they'd found their own entertainment - a veritable scrum. 

"This is barbaric," (y/n) panted, rolling her shoulders back as the bruises and internal bleeding fled her body. Being in the middle of the brawl was awful, but being a spectator was worse; the sheer savagery would make anyone turn conscientious objector. 

"I know...wanna go again?" Ray smirked, nudging her elbow once they'd caught their breath. It was savage, dangerous, and bloody, which made it fun. Exhilarating. 

"With you? Always, doofus," the heroine giggled, becoming breathless again when he pulled her into a hurried kiss--all tongue and clashing teeth since Ray was running on adrenaline, yet he needed his fix. Miss Danger was hot when she fought; he liked girls who could hold their own. It was an impulse. 

Breaking apart as quickly as they connected, they bared their fists again and went for it, screaming and diving for the crowd, but then...nothing. No welcome. No returned battle cry, nothing. 

Standing back and observing allowed the couple to see the fight for what it was; a mass scrabble for anyone bored enough to have some excess energy. Even though Captain Man was the one who started it, he wasn't missed. 

Hell, he wasn't even sure if his so-called matches even realised he was missing, the final blow coming when The Lawn Ranger pushed him aside, knocking his large frame into (y/n)'s simply so he could rejoin the fight. What happened to his eagerness to fight the legendary hero?

"Guys! I found more grass outside!" He said joyfully, receiving no reply, but he joined the fray anyway. 

"Hey, I thought we were...weren't you fighting me? And Miss Danger? Guys? Remember? We matched? Guys? Lawn Guy?" Ray called out in vain, drawing no one's attention as the fight drifted outside, where the competitors would have more room to try and Kill each other. 

That told them everything they needed to know, and to her sorrow, (y/n) could pinpoint the moment Ray's heart shattered. 

"They're gone, doofus. I, uh...think they forgot about us," (y/n) told him gently, emphasising the final word because she realised how lonely the place felt now nearly everyone had left. There were a few stragglers, but they looked only there for the music, company and booze. 

No, they were alone now, and she didn't want Ray to feel such a terrible thing by himself, yet his face said everything. Not sad, dejected, angry, or rejected, just hopeless. The feeling that comes when everything is over. 

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, darlin'. You've been...amazing. It's just...this day is the worst," Ray sighed, slipping out from underneath her supportive hand to slump on a bar stool. Everything had drained from his body; he had nothing to give except sagging over the bar with her standing between his knees. 

"What can I do to make it better?" She asked gently, hands stroking his cheeks as she prepared to do anything to cheer him up, but suddenly, something happened neither of them had expected. 

"Eh, yo, excuse me," the bartender caught their attention, unphased by the Captain's melancholic stare and Miss Danger's protectively suspicious squint. Perhaps he was interrupting, but he didn't care. 

"We didn't order any drinks," (y/n) told him slowly, baffled when the man placed two glasses in front of them - one containing fresh, creamy milk and the other her go-to cocktail. An odd combination but an uncanny one because few people knew her order. 

"These are from the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"Who?..." Ray asked, only for the words to die on his tongue as their gazes fell on a lone figure not two metres away. 

There, perched on a stool, drinking warm milk from a sippy cup, was The Toddler. The actual Toddler. He didn't shout nonsense, pull a ridiculous weapon, or even vow destruction on Swellview. All he did was give the awestruck couple a friendly nod and a warm smile - the kind you'd get when seeing an old friend for the first time in years. 

"Toddler?" Ray frowned, a million questions racing through his mind, but the man-child didn't speak. He jerked his head to the stool next to him, wanting to talk privately rather than shout across the room.

"Come on, sweet girl..."

"Wait, doofus," (y/n) stopped him, holding onto her lover's bicep when he tried to guide her over there. She wasn't scared or anything stupid like that, but she felt there was a time and place for everyone, and right now, her calling was to wait for him, sip her cocktail, and leave him to talk without her. 

"Go talk to him. I'll be right here if you need me."

"Are you sure? I don't like leaving you here, especially in this dump," Ray replied worriedly, glancing around the room like someone would try something on Miss Danger with Captain Man so close. His worries were unfounded there, but leaving her out still didn't seem right. 

"I'll be here when you're done. Go to him," she implored, pecking his lips before gently pushing her doofus away. Shuffling on the bar stool, she crossed her legs and took a long sip through her curly straw, meaning Ray knew she meant business. He circled the bar slowly, tentatively, gingerly, feeling her eyes on his back with The Toddler's on his face - watching his every move. 

"Well, well, well...Captain Man," The Toddler said, smiling warmly like he was meeting up with an old friend - and he was, in a way, just not in a way Ray ever expected. 

"What are you doing here?"

"I, uh...been a little bored lately. Fighting the same heroes over and over again," the villain sighed, clenching his fingers around his sippy cup as he retold a story that was eerily familiar to his adversary. 

"Right?" Ray chuckled quietly, relaxing against the bar's edge. Sitting down made him feel vulnerable, so at least like this, he could still be on his feet and ready for action - plus, he could smoothly turn his head to check on his sweet girl. 

The Toddler noted his wariness, eyes sliding to Miss Danger over the way, but he said nothing, knowing they were in a unique situation. 

"So, my younger brother--"

"The Newborn?" 

"Yeah, he talked me into making a profile on this app called Rumblr," he said, shocking Captain Man because it was like he was telling his story. How a slightly annoying but lovable younger brother convinced him it would be a good idea to sign his soul to the goddamn devil of online fighting. 

"I did the same thing! That's why I'm here!"

"Same, but I don't know... It's not for me," The Toddler sighed, staring at his warm milk because his night had been terrible like the hero in front of him. A total disaster. He was tired, back at square one, and didn't know what to do, but at least he'd found a kindred spirit. 

"Thank you!"

"I mean, Rumblr set me up tonight with this hero named Kicky McGee. And he didn't look anything like his picture!" The villain exclaimed, looking fed up with everything. 

Across the bar, (y/n) dropped a few eaves and smiled into her drink, knowing some heroes and villains are just made for each other - there was no shame in exploring old partnerships. 

"Yes! Who does that?!..." Ray agreed, leaning against the bar again as the two fell silent for a second, unknowingly sharing the same thought. 

"I like to meet my heroes the old-fashioned way."

"I like to meet my villains the old-fashioned way," they said together, their faces becoming severe when they realised how much they had in common, despite being sworn enemies. Hero stared at villain, and villain stared at hero. And both were on the same page for the first time in their long history. 

"You know, Miss Danger said that before we came, but I, uh...didn't think it was true," Ray said nervously, licking his lips as he tried to find the right words. His sweet girl was onto something with that thought, making the men look over their shoulders to see her drinking alone, resting her chin on her hand as she stirred what was left in the bottom of her glass. 

"Hmmm..." The Toddler hummed, pensive, as he tipped another splash of milk into his mouth before speaking, "You've got yourself a great girl there, Captain Man. Excuse me if I sound disgusting for a moment, but she makes you an even greater hero. I'd hate to see anything bad happen to her."

"I know... She's everything to me," Ray replied wistfully, his eyes growing soft when Miss Danger noticed them staring and smiled. Toddler chuckled quietly when he saw how Captain Man switched off, utterly enchanted by such a simple, sweet smile, but he'd known from the minute he first saw them together. She was the only thing in his eyes. 

The serenity didn't last. Before they could settle into the comfort and, strangely enough, the safety of a moment's ceasefire, Henry burst onto the scene. He'd been run ragged by Kyle, panting and aching from the non-stop combat, but he had no complaints. That had been the best night of his life. 

"Ahhh, what a fight! That was amazing!"

"Congrats!" The Toddler remarked, not in a snarky manner, but maybe with a hint of jealousy. At least someone's night went well, but upon the sound of one of his greatest enemies, Kid Danger's hackles went up, his chest puffed out, and his expression hardened. What was Ray doing sharing a drink with...him?

"Toddler?!" He spat, clenching his fists like he would thump him one. This was too good to miss, and past altercations couldn't be ignored, yet the boy looked at his boss with pure betrayal when he stopped him from getting any closer. 

"Hey, easy, junior. I'm off the clock," Todd reassured him, showing the sidekick his drink so he knew he meant no harm. Henry looked baffled but backed off, seeing how relaxed Ray felt--enough to leave (y/n) alone over two metres away. 

"Well, I guess I should get going anyways," the villain sighed, thinking he'd overstayed his welcome, but there was a mischievous glint in his eye. He hopped off his stool, taking his drink from the bar, but not before smiling coyly at the duo. 

"I gotta swing by Swellview Airport and...not skyjack a cargo plane full of blankies. Sure would be a shame if someone tried to stop me," he said, saying one thing and meaning another, but he didn't push it any further. 

"Well, see you around."

"Thanks for the drinks, Todd," Ray called after him gratefully, knowing he and his sweet girl needed a pick-me-up after their night. It was a surprisingly sweet gesture, and despite their differences, the hero genuinely appreciated it. 

"Toddler..." the man-child corrected him for old time's sake, his smile full of mirth and...fondness as he tipped them his drink before walking away.

Leaving the hero and his sidekick to chat, The Toddler circled the bar, searching for one person. 

Still sitting on her stool, Miss Danger looked rather bored, having reached the end of her cocktail, and she had no doofus to entertain her. She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't hear him approaching, noticing the villain only when he was by her elbow, dwarfed by the height she gained on the tall chair. 

"Can I get you another drink?" He asked smoothly, making her laugh as she pushed her glass toward the bartender. 

"No, thank you. Technically, I'm on duty," (y/n) replied, gesturing to her bright uniform, which dictated that she was meant to be working, not overindulging. Even if there weren't any apparent threats, she liked to stay sharp, something The Toddler silently admired as she straightened herself out and gave him a polite smile. 

Captain Man sure knew how to pick them. 

"Oh, right, right... You and Captain Man..."

"What about us?" (y/n) asked cautiously, turning to give him her full attention. It was difficult to relax entirely in his presence, but she had to admit; he'd piqued her curiosity simply by talking to her and not going home. 

"You're good for each other," the man-child said casually, shrugging as if they weren't entering dangerous territories - crossing their personal lives with work. The woman raised an eyebrow at that, wondering why he'd bring it up after years of knowing her and Ray and showing no interest in what they were like as people. 

"Since when are you a romantic?"

"I'm not..." he replied, showing no interest as he pushed off the bar, making her wonder why he'd come over to talk. Surely, he didn't just want to compliment her and Captain Man's relationship; otherwise, he could've just said it the next time they fought. 

"But, uh...me and the Captain have a little...something arranged, and I was wondering if you want to join us?" The Toddler offered, shuffling his feet, making her giggle. Was he nervous? Because of her? Well, consider her flattered, although a little hesitant. 

"Are you asking me to a...fight?"

"Yeah...

"Well..." (y/n) paused, gaze flicking to where Ray and Henry were nattering, the latter clearly trying to convince his boss to go after him - to have the fight they both obviously wanted. But the man hadn't actually said yes, and from the looks of things, he was dithering about whether he wanted to go, which made her reluctant. 

"I don't know... I came here for Captain Man. It wouldn't be right to leave without him," she said sadly, trying to let him down as gently as she could. It wasn't a straight-out refusal or an unreserved yes, but The Toddler understood her position. He still had hope. 

"Hey, I get it. But if you change your mind, I'll be at Swellview Airport all night... Feel free to bring your boyfriend if you want," he smiled, strolling away with a soft smile like he already knew what she'd do.

He'd just gotten to the exit when the entire conversation caught up with her - not some crazy fever dream where she and her doofus were friends with The Toddler for a few minutes. It had happened, and if he could tease her, she could tease him. 

"Fiancé!" She called after him, loving the small yet significant correction. Todd did not indicate whether he heard her, but she didn't need it. 

Looking a little crazy as she sat there, grinning, she lost herself in her thoughts again, spurred on by the fluttering in her tummy from thoughts of him. Her doofus, who hurried to her side - out of nowhere - with more energy than he'd had in days, was inspired by Henry and his insistence that The Toddler wanted more than a drink at the bar. 

"Sweet girl! We gotta go to the airport! Toddler's gonna skyjack a plane!" Ray exclaimed as he skidded to a halt, seizing her forearms because he wanted to chase after the villain. And he wanted her to go with him...if that was all right with her. 

"Oh, was that what he was talking about? Big fight, is it?" (y/n) asked, sliding off the stool and stepping into her lover's space. Ray's fingers slid down her arms and curled around her waist, pulling her closer until their navels touched. 

"Huge. Just what I need to bounce back..."

"Then, what are you doing standing here? Go after him!" She exclaimed, wondering why he was making the villain wait when he'd ask for a fight - the old-fashioned way, just how they both liked. Ray sighed, cupped and stroked her cheek with a soft gaze, thinking his place was standing there with her. 

"Only if you come with me," he replied, unphased, when she looked surprised as if she couldn't imagine him wanting her there. 

"Doofus, this is your fight. Are you sure?"

"Do I want to see Miss Danger kicking ass in this skirt? Hell yeah, I'm sure," Ray chuckled, growing hot under the collar from the mere thought, and his lifted mood made her smile. It was nice to see him happy again, and now that she thought of it, Toddler had invited her too, so it wouldn't be intruding. 

Come to think of it, when was the last time she and Captain Man fought side by side with nothing to stop them? Maybe she needed it as much as he did; the offer was more tempting now. 

"So, darlin', what do you say? Wanna go on a fight with me?"

"It wouldn't be the first time you asked me out," (y/n) joked, leaning up to kiss his cheek before pulling away to give him her answer, "but yes, doofus. I would love to go on a fight with you."

"Then, what are we doing standing here?" Ray grinned, looking ten years younger when the emotion stretched across his face. 

He conjoined their hands tightly without further prompting, pulling her away from the bar with a feverish need that the bartender knew all too well. He saw those goo-goo eyes the hero gave to his fiancée, so his assumption wasn't unfounded, meaning he smiled and shook his head as he watched the lovers race for the door. 

On the way out, they passed a familiar face - The Lawn Ranger, holding a slab of freshly dug grass for the long-gone brawl. He looked at the couple longingly, expecting to bag himself a fight now everyone else had left, but Ray was ready to plough down anyone in his path, even tubby, grassy weirdos like him. 

Releasing a long battle cry, and with his hand still clutching his sweet girl's, he charged at The Lawn Ranger, swinging his fist and landing a brutal blow on his nose. It splattered across his face, making the so-called villain clutch his face in pain, but he never got a chance to grass attack them. 

Before he could blink, the heroes were long gone, stealing away into the night since they had a prior engagement. And a flight to catch. 

"That was so mean, Raymond," (y/n) hissed as they ran into the rain, making her squeal and shield her head, not that she had any chance of saving her hair. Part of her didn't care for the pathetic man, thinking he was weird, but she was too sweet not to feel a sliver of guilt, wondering if they should've stuck around a little longer. 

"Trust me, sweet girl, we've done him a huge favour. No one would want to fight him, but at least now he can say Captain Man punched him in the face," Ray bragged, holding his muscled arm over her head to act as a makeshift umbrella. 

"True...and I can say Captain Man took me home tonight," she giggled, hurrying along the sidewalk as they headed for the dank, dirty alleyway where Ray parked the Man Van. 

It wasn't a long walk, but the chilly air made her shiver and duck into his side, stealing the warmth radiating from her human furnace. Ray laughed, bringing her closer since he knew her uniform wasn't built for heat retention, and if they didn't stick out like sore thumbs, they'd look like any regular couple hurrying down the road. 

"That was never in doubt, my love. I'll choose you every time," he promised as they ducked into the alleyway. 

No one noticed the heroes' presence in the shadows, how they whispered each other's names and paused against the wall. Ray dipped his head and pressed his lips to hers, leaving her breathless more than the frigid air ever could - kissing in the rain.