#so yeah! pretty mad about that the economy is going to hell and i just wanted to have fun making mjsic!

[horrorwebs]

good goth stores in greenwich village? specifically looking for boots

[millervrse]

❝ BY THE COFFEE MACHINE ❞ javier peña x reader

summary: Javier Peña doesn’t like you. You’re too nice, too bubbly, and you get on his last nerve. He didn’t get how anybody in this line of work could be so goddamn cheery all the time. Though aside from your, in his eyes, forced and fake kindness, you had no bad features, and perhaps that, added to your beauty, is what ticked him off so much. Could he learn to like you the more time passes, or would you do this dance of hatred forever?

pairing: javier peña x afab!reader

warnings, notes: EVENTUAL 18+ smut, r! has a bit of an established backstory, a few uses of y/n but only when necessary, r! has a dog, references to narcos and thus real life people and occurrences (pablo escobar, the cartel, dea, etc), ENEMIES TO LOVERS but it’s one sided because javier hates r!, r! has an established personality, grumpy x sunshine, workplace setting, javier and r! are coworkers, use of cigarettes

word count: 2.6k+

LYN SPEAKING! so this is the first chapter of, again, a finished piece that was written nearly a year ago. you can read the prologue here! and again, this is all from javier’s pov, but i’m going to throw in some nsfw chapters using second person for the economy so, yeah! enjoy! lyn out!

DO YOU WANNA KNOW? @bishtrouille @axshadows @troubledsoul-black let me know if you’d like to be added!

“Coffee,” I said simply. Her smile softened a little, and she raised her eyebrows in confusion. “What?” she asks. ❝ YOU'RE BLOCKING THE COFFEE MACHINE ❞

CHAPTER 1: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

COLUMBIA, SEPTEMBER 1982

For once in our lives of chaos, the madness had died down, and there was no new news regarding the man who had been the focus of our missions for months now.

Pablo Emilio Escobar Gaviria: A drug dealer, and a major pain in my ass.

In the years that I’ve worked Escobar’s case, the man has put the DEA, and the whole of Columbia, for that matter, through hell and back. A war of drugs has been going on under our noses, and the man behind it is an evasive ghost.

We haven’t found him because he doesn't want to be found.

Days in the office have been passing by slowly. With no new leads, and little for us to do, we’re at a loss here. Can’t tell you how much time I’ve used clicking my pens or looking through the same case files over and over again, just to see if something appears that wasn’t there before.

It hasn’t happened yet.

For the third time that morning, I got up from my seat to get a cup of coffee, since having drained mine. Murphy’s eyes snapped to mine from where he sat across from me, and he raised an eyebrow.

Murphy was the guy I’d been working with on the drug cases for a few months, and we’ve come to be pretty friendly with each other during that time. Thus, his first words when he sees me get out of my seat.

He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head at me. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack with all that damn caffeine,” he remarked, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

I shrugged, throwing away the paper coffee cup that I’d been drinking out of. “Murphy,” I scoffed, crossing my arms to mirror him. “If there’s a damn thing in this world that’s going to give me a heart attack, it’s going to be Escobar, not coffee.”

Murphy sighed in response. I could tell the guy was just as done with Escobar’s shit as me, even if he was better at not discussing it than me. He shrugged and rubbed his forehead before responding, “Yeah, fair enough. Drink away.”

I nodded at him, then made my way to the door.

As I made my third journey that day down to the coffee machine, I passed by the hallway where the ambassador’s office was. What was already a shitty day only worsened by the feeling I got in my gut only by looking at her door.

It was hard at the DEA, Murphy and I being the main people assigned to this case, the only two men in the world who knew as much about Escobar and his cartel as the man himself.

And regardless of that, what we knew was minimal.

While the ambassador wasn’t really our boss, just walking by her office was enough to remind me of the drug cases: And that we weren’t getting a damn thing out of them.

I shook off the feelings that crossed over me then and there, and just went on walking.

I was veering the corner to go to our break room, where the coffee machine was, when I heard and saw a view I surely hadn’t when I clocked in this morning.

“Where can I put my things?” a feminine voice rang out from down the hallway, the voice filled with a sort of cheer that wasn’t very common from those who worked here in the DEA building.

My eyes snapped to the speaker before my brain could even process it.

There was a woman at the very end of the hallway I was in, holding a brown box, presumably the “things” she had been referring to mere seconds ago. My eyebrows raised fairly quickly: I had never seen her in the office.

Because I’m sure I’d remember a face like that.

It was impossible to miss her. Her eyes seemed to mesmerize the man she was speaking to, because he was looking at her with an expression usually saved for old, married couples.

He wasn’t the only one.

I couldn’t take my damn eyes off of her: I was drawn to her appearance, and she wasn’t releasing her hold. There was a serious and assured, yet honeyed way about her. Her eyes and smile spoke volumes to what I assumed was a kind persona, but her attire, a white collared shirt, black slacks, belt, and tie, vouched for her professionalism.

It made me uneasy to get so much from her based on her appearance alone. So that was when I whirled on my heel, all but jogging back to where Murphy was.

I loped back to the room with a concerning pace, closing the door quickly behind me. Murphy’s head snapped up, and he looked at me with a concerned expression.

“Hey, hey, hey, Murphy,” I said in a hoarse voice, a little out of breath from getting here so quickly. I took a second to relax, then asked, “Who’s that girl?”

Murphy’s eyebrows raised up, and he looked at me like I’d just asked him to marry me. “What girl?” he asked as his face scrunched up in cluelessness.

I let out a huff and opened the door again to see where the woman had gone. Then, I came back in the room and waved to the window. “That girl there. All the way down the hallway,” I clarified.

Murphy got up and looked through the window that showed the hallway outside of it. His eyes landed on the woman’s, and a look of realization crossed over his face. “Oh. Oh, yeah. That’s the new girl. I think her name is Y/N,” said Murphy.

I looked at Murphy with a furrowed brow when he said that. “You knew?”

Murphy shrugged and nodded, walking back to his chair and sitting down. “I heard some folks whispering about her. She was pretty popular in her old job, I think, skilled in her field. That’s why everyone’s talking about her,” he shrugged, like the fact was common knowledge.

“And no one was gonna tell me?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Uh, no, I guess not. Why would it matter, anyways? She won’t be working with us that much,” he responded.

“She won’t? Why not?” I asked curiously. Why was she up here, then?

“No, she’ll be working with the coaches, training the dogs for drug sniffing. She’ll be around, but—” Murphy explained, but then he suddenly cut himself off. He cocked an eyebrow. “Wait a second, why does this even matter to you, Peña?”

That got me to shut up real quick.

For one of the first times in my life, I was at a loss for words. I licked my lips as I tried to pick my brains for a response that would make sense.

But my mind was abandoned, way too preoccupied to give him a reason. Sooner or later, I just shook my head, giving myself a way out of this conversation.

“It doesn’t,” I shrugged, walking over to my desk. I ruffled through the drawers for a second, before grabbing the final cigarette from the box that I always had with me.

I took a deep breath as I made a note to myself to get more, before saying, “I just wanna know who I’m working with.”

Murphy nodded, though he didn’t really look convinced.

But the good thing was, if there was one thing Murphy knew about me, it was to never push my words. He picked up the case file that he’d been working on when I walked in the room and simply mumbled, “Yeah, okay.”

I sighed in relief, glad that he had just dropped the issue; I seriously didn’t want to talk about this right then and there. Talk about a woman.

I left the room without so much as another word, perching the cigarette in my mouth before I had even made it out of it. I usually smoked in the office, not giving much of a shit to our boss’ wish for me not to. 

But today, I obliged, making my way down the lift to go outside.

When I walked through the lobby and through the doors to exit the building, I mulled over the morning that I’d just had. Escobar’s doings may not be in plain view now, but a new sense of chaos was clearly ready to take the podium.

I lit the cigarette as I leaned on a pillar in front of the building, rubbing my forehead as a migraine began to form there. I exhaled puffs of smoke from my nose and lips, praying that it’d ease all the tension in my figure.

Fuck, what was even going on with me? Who was this girl, and why the hell was one glance her way driving me crazy?

She was just a woman. That’s all she was. And I’ve had countless experiences with women, an art that I knew like the back of my hand. I knew my way around them, and I wasn’t looking to get wrapped up in one at any point, at any time.

I’d just have to pray that this wouldn’t cause any problems in the workplace for me.

I’d have to have hope, and a hell of a goddamn lot of it.

I was walking back up to the breakroom after I’d got back to the building half an hour later. After all, I hadn’t even gotten that cup of coffee I’d been craving before leaving to have a smoke.

But when I walked in the room, I didn’t envision the first person I’d see inside of it.

The new girl.

There she was in front of me again, the same vibe that had emitted from her earlier in my presence once more: Only, it was closer to me now. She was conversing with a male coworker of mine, and they seemed to be engaged in some happy go lucky discussion, because the woman was grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah, I figured, why not? My dog is my best friend, and I don’t want to leave her home all of the time while I’m working, you know?” she giggled as coffee poured from the coffee machine she was next to.

The man, whose name I didn’t even know, chuckled in response. “That’s crazy. So they just let you bring her, huh? And you’re gonna train her up with the other dogs?” the man asked her.

She nodded, flashing him a smile that seemed to glare off the walls. “Yeah! Pretty cool, isn’t it? I’m glad they let me. I wasn’t really sure they would,” the woman laughed, picking up her cup and taking a long sip out of it.

The man was about to answer, when his eyes finally met mine, acknowledging my presence for the first time since I’d walked in the damn room. This caused the woman to look at me too, only smiling at me.

“Yeah, well, I’m sure your dog will do well. Shepherds are pretty big, and the ones we already have do a good job,” he murmured, looking down at the ground. “Anyway, I should get back to work. You have yourself a good day, Y/N. And good luck.”

So that was her name. Guess Murphy didn’t lie.

“Peña,” he said with a professional nod and awkward smile. Then, he left the room.

When it was just her and I in there, we looked at each other for several long seconds. My eyes glazed over her, fully analyzing her appearance now that she was so much closer to me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. 

I don’t know what it was about this girl that was seriously getting to me.

She was just different. 

And I couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” she smiled widely at me, putting her coffee cup down to offer her hand to me before giving me her last name. “I’m new to the DEA, if you couldn’t tell. It’s my first day. What’s your name?” she asked.

Her kindly demeanor unsettled me, being both refreshing and alarming. Most of the men and women on this job worked with somber faces. No feelings, small talk, laughs or smiles. Just work, work, work. It was bizarre to see someone in the DEA building beaming, like we worked in some candy shop.

Didn’t she have any idea what this job encompassed?

“Coffee,” I said simply. Her smile softened a little, and she raised her eyebrows in confusion.

“What?” she asks.

“You're blocking the coffee machine,” I clarified for her. Sure enough, she looked to her side to see that I wasn’t lying about that. She murmured a quick, “Sorry,” then moved out of the way.

“Yeah,” I groaned in response. I grabbed one of the paper coffee cups near the machine, then got to fixing myself a cup.

To my surprise, she didn’t leave the room. She crossed her arms behind me, and I could see her looking over me out of the corner of my eye. I could tell she had the urge to speak, but didn’t know how to do so.

Black coffee poured from the maker when she finally opened her mouth. “I haven’t gotten your name yet,” she murmured.

I let out a sigh, wondering why she even needed to know it. “What does it matter?” I replied without a care in the world, looking for creamer in the drawers below the machine.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t, I suppose. I just want to know,” she answered. Then, she perked up, looking at me with a new sense of hope in her eyes. I craned my head towards her for only a second, just to see that same pearly white smile she’d been wearing across her face earlier. “Do you work on this floor, too?”

I closed the paper cup with a lid as she spoke, not even realizing that I’d forgotten to add creamer to it. “Name’s Peña. Javier Peña. And I don’t do small talk,” I replied composedly, turning my body to face her. Clearly, I had yet to get used to her appearance. I’m pretty sure my heart dropped down to my ass when I laid my eyes on her again.

However much I didn’t want to talk to her, there was a fact that remained true, regardless of how it was I was feeling.

She was fucking gorgeous.

Even with my semi rude remark, she smiled at me nevertheless, giving me a little shrug. “Fair enough. It’s not everyone’s thing, especially early in the morning. I get it, Peña—”

“Agent Peña. And no, it’s not,” I said back to her. I was just about ready to leave the room, when she grabbed me by the arm, causing me to pause in my tracks.

“Wait,” she said, clearly doing her best to cling to this conversation for as long as she could.

“What?” I snapped. Though, I didn’t move her hand away.

“Do you know an Agent Murphy? I’ve been looking for him,” she asked very quickly, tilting her head. I raised an eyebrow: She had my attention with that one.

“Murphy? Yeah, he’s my partner. Why, what do you want with him?” I asked curiously, facing my body back towards hers.

“He was supposed to give me some case files on drugs, mainly cocaine. I’m going to be working with the dogs, training them on sniffing out drugs and things like that, so I kind of need them.”

I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes at her. “He’s in the office down the hall. I’ll take you there,” I annoyedly offered. That’s where I was going, anyways, so I didn’t have much of a choice.

“Great! Thank you so much. Lead the way,” she grinned in a brilliant smile, signaling to the door. I grumbled and nodded, before making my way down the hall to Murphy and I’s shared office.

What was it I was saying earlier about hope?

if you made it to the end of this, i really hope you liked it! please consider leaving a reblog, as they help my work immensely <3 kisses!

[sillystarters]

it's always sunny in philadelphia season sixteen starter sentences.

starter sentences taken from episodes one - three from season sixteen of it's always sunny in philadelphia. part one of ??

have you ever seen teenage mutant ninja turtles ?

you spent close to $20,000 on a couch you never owned.

that's pretty bad business fellas.

now listen i have glued my hand to a door so they can't physically remove me.

you know, i know stuff.

that's money talk right there.

how much nut do you go through a month?

are you storing up your nut or are you blowing through it?

i'll give you fifty cents for a buck.

come, have a seat.

it was super cheap dude.

well listen, i don't really have any interest in your bulk tin of low end economy nuts.

yeah don't make a mess.

what's behind that door?

holy shit! what the fuck is this?

i wasn't tryin' to be crypto about it.

this is tits!

can i sleep in here?

we're gonna blow our shoes out with all this walking.

how is this not a big deal?

move past it dude, move past it man.

i really ultimately don't give a shit.

did you glue your hand to my door?

i can tell you're mad.

i can't deal with this.

and just leave me here all alone?

i don't wanna be a bad host.

you know what, this was a mistake.

i can't sleep.

what is going on with you dude?

what you workin' on there bud?

is that thing loaded, by the way?

get off my back.

you know what? screw this.

i am in the prime of my life.

okay so it was loaded, my mistake. don't be so dramatic.

it's not like anybody's in any real danger.

getting shot in the face is pretty cool.

i do care about the money though.

i got some bad news for ya, bud.

i figured you probably forgot too or something.

did you try to pull out your own teeth?

i'm so sorry.

i didn't have the heart to tell you.

those ungrateful bitches.

i can't believe you did this!

i'm not mad at you okay? it's fine.

you did make a mistake.

i didn't mean to upset you.

this is not working.

should we just attack him and take it?

shut up!

this is my worst nightmare in my entire life.

she burnt the shit outta me.

i got a little surprise for ya.

you wanna take it easy? goddamn. just one bite at a time.

ha! i almost ate my gun.

i hope everyone brought their appetite because i made quiche!

this is like, everything you've ever wanted.

that is ... sad.

this is so annoying.

alright, where to now?

a perfect day can't last forever.

what the hell are you doing?

you're outta control with that thing.

just barge right in okay don't be shy.

oh my god what are you doing here?

this is so distasteful.

asmr, dickweed!

how long has it been?

that's a definite pass for me.

this is a million to one shot and i've got a really good feeling about this.

our luck just turned around.

i don't wanna have my ass handed to me.

we have a problem.

whatever you do, don't laugh.

this is bad, dude.

what? why are you trying to break my door down at three in the morning?

i just wanted to ask if you could kindly keep the noise down.

this was very sweet of you to bake these for me.

it's a trophy, see? it says cunt of the year. that's you!

bad things are going to happen to you one day. i guarantee it.

you earned it!

we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck.

come here you rat! die!

it's time to make good on your end of the bargain.

what is your deal, man?

i'm going to beat you with my shoe!

we gotta take this seriously.

go make your apologies!

i'm done listening to this.

'just in case' is as good of a reason to believe in anything as any.

i don't believe in that bullshit.

well, that's not good.

that's a bad omen!

boy, that's a shame.

thank you for this.

i'm just trash right? that's what you said.

i got you a sixer!

i gotta show you something but you gotta keep it a secret.

you're not following.

it makes literally no sense.

a moment of your time?

i'm sorry your dad doesn't like you.

[the-firebird69]

There a couple things going on and what is that I've said is having problems and does not have money to fix them they're not major problems but if he had one he would not have any money to fix them and our people would not either and this is an issue a big one and we are fixing the economy but we need to get some emergency help in and Biden is working on an immediate program for his people and it will help us too we're in the populace and people need that money pretty quick and he's working right now and the Senate and Congress too. Now this guy John rivallard he distributed to you investments our son made and it was his company and people figured it out that he gave the check out and then took the money back in the bank account cuz he's running the bank and we begin attacks on him. When he distributed the money a lot of people took their money out because that's what they do and he didn't let him roll it over from the company and didn't talk to him about it and they just fired him and kicked him out so he got completely screwed started playing our son and he says I know I said you don't know s*** we're going to annihilate you he said I wish you wouldn't listen who gives a s*** what you wish. Your a boy little baby you think she can say whatever you want do what you want you don't come near me my stuff you're stupid. She says I hear I'm there and it says so what you trying a whole bunch of times apparently Capone doesn't like you and who the hell would that's your business and you die in the future you get your head blown open a whole bunch of times cuz you're a big f****** mouth it doesn't matter toddler and you shouldn't f****** treat me in anything like you stupid c*** but you know you don't have any choice because the max are making a hold of money for later cuz you're a f****** p**** it's like Dave said. Well he got really mad and he said this guy is going to kill me these people are having me hold the money and I look like s*** all the time and you can't see it and she says I'm constantly attacking I'll sudden he says I don't deserve this treatment at all so you see the f*** away from me and it won't happen but you're an idiot... Listen to me carefully if you do this you're going to die permanently I'm not Mom you can't hit me and get away with it you're f****** dead oh yeah I forget your going to die anyways by your own hand. That is how it was and he says what am I doing dying by your own hand. So he goes around in sighting Tommy and he keeps doing it and Tommy starts hitting him and that's how dummy is doing it anyways and he's going to do it but yeah this guy's stupid so to make a long story short.

.. he distributed the money from his company John Hancock instead of having our son keep it in there that detaching it from Storm Western because he's an idiot and wants to do all sorts of stuff but he did that because you plan to anyways and people started to sell off his stock and he's buying it and then he tried to slow it down by stealing our son's money. And everybody got pissed and he did it because he says he wants people to stop selling and he did and it didn't work because it's stupid so he's thinking about social security and if he pays out what might happen I was thinking about tonight inside if I paid my bunch of money people might have a run on social security and he wants to shut it down. And her son says me and Dave are just going to beat you up for your money and you're trying to rest us and will be your people up with cheesman and take everything you have and I'll get just spending money and stuff that's one option did something like that so he's great. And Jason is the one doing that in the city it doesn't know it no it's Trump and he wants to take over Jason's job this is good I'll have state stuff and we'll roll you it is why you can't wait to take over the state you're f****** huge a****** and loser you have everybody poor if it was you're up to you and you're doing that so he starts talking and talking earlier and he's saying this this kid keeps setting me up and I keep falling I can't figure out what to do so he goes I should probably get him the money and then social security will say you have too much money and that's for SSI not SSDI and he knows that but he's going to claim you have an SSI since why would I have SSI I have a work history you started complaining and he says it won't be for my companies and I said you have no choice it's with the IRS the CIA the dod and he says what is he talking about in the banks you don't have control over so it starts to get mad again anyway what we say is get out of here so to make a long story short he thinks it'll work to ruin social security and we need him to get money out there not to ruin it

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues

This is been a lot of fun we have to prove it to work because he got screwed cuz he tried to mess my husband up is perfect and we appreciate the help

Hera

[mleprae]

Hi! I'm a new follower and I'm lost! Was ck/wc? Your ocs are a crossover? Can you explain and give me some background so that I can ask characters questions?

first off hello!!!!!! welcome to my little cove!!!! thank you for sticking! this might be a little long but bear with me!

second: *actual ponctuation mode turns on*

Crusader kings is a grand-strategy war game, it's set in the medieval era (being the two start dates either being 1066 or 867 if you wanna try playing as a viking!) where you play as a ruler of a county/duchy/kingdom/empire and as the lil overseer of your land you have to form relationships with other neighboring rulers, manage your economy because its fragile as an apple product, make sure everyone is getting their basic needs met, etc.

I've always jokingly called it 'the sims for men' because it also has RPG themes to it! You're not playing only as a nation but a ruler, a person, depending on who you're playing as, their personality, culture and religion will pretty much dictate on how they act and while you are in full control of their actions, going against their nature and beliefs will usually make them stressed. You have to make sure your character is making friends, eating healthy, taking care of his mental health and just having his needs met (kinda like a sim... or a neopet).

And yeah there are hundreds of cultures/religions to play as! I can't go much in depth about these because I've never really left my comfort zone, so I've always played with the same religion and similar cultures, its an absurdily well-researched history game to a degree where the game constantly offers you wikipedia links just so you can understand what's going on! You can play as real people, the game incentives you to do it but it has a character creation and I've always preferred to make my own little guys so that's that.

Despite all of this sounding Very Serious it's a very cartoonish stylized games and like mentioned; the sims-esque madness, you wanna appoint a horse as your chancellor? you can do that, you wanna turn into a fucking bear? you can do that! Hell, there's a way you can simply turn your entire population into anthro animals just for the kicks of it, there's witchcraft, werewolves, vampires and just the weirdest shit.

Anyways, if that sounds like something you'd be into; the second game is free on steam, keep in mind that this is considered to be the second most difficult strategy game of all time, and on average can take 2 months to understand the basics, lol.

CK/WC is.. not really a mashup of the two, it's an attempt to introduce warrior cats to a similiar system and hierarchy of medieval kingdoms but still keeping their core values, most of the OCs are mine and based off my characters on Crusader Kings but a few are borrowed from friends (Hell, Ironstar was originally made by my friend but we liked him SO much he became an OC that was later given to me, thank you Loren!) and a few are just NPCs (Holypyre, for example)

We had to make a plethora of changes to the clans so they could still be clans but still more of a kingdom; with no starclan to guide them they decided that the leader's kids would become the future leader because they believe that if starclan once gave their parents their nine lives, they would favor their children more.

Clans can have several camps inside of them and have massive territories, those camps are overseed by pack leaders who do not get nine lives but have to swear an oath to the clan leader to never betray them.

Deputies were reformed to be a medieval king's council, with one true deputy who would assist the leader on every task and others like marshal, envoy and steward who would manage other specific task.

And that's pretty much the basic foundation we build on!

TL;DR: CK is a medieval game where you play as a king who has to take care of his nation, CK/WC is an AU where the clans have adopted a similar style to kingdom life, with there being an absolute king and vassals who serve them.

[arsonaetcuh]

Incorrect Hetalia Quotes part 6/? Romerica/Americano/Roaring 20s Trio edition (very long)

Lithuania: How did you and Romano get together? America: I almost beat him up when he was trying to clean Lithuania: America: It was love at first fight.

Romano: Alfredo is too tall for me to kiss on the lips. What should I do? Prussia: Punch him in the stomach and kiss him when he doubles over in pain. Lithuania: Kick him in the shins  America, sobbing: just ask me to lean down.

Romano: What are you, five? America: Yeah, five heads taller than you! America: I'm so sorry please don't kill me-

America: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Romano: Aren’t you forgetting something? America: Uhh… *hesitantly kisses Romano's forehead before running out*. Romano: No, bastard! Pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

America: isn't this wonderful? Romano: Yeah, it's just me, you, and the moon. Lithuania, as the moon: HEY, YOU TWO SHOULD KISS

Lithuania: Hey, Romano, are you free on Friday? Like, around 8pm on Friday? Romano: Si? Lithuania: What about you? America: Yeah, I am. Lithuania: Great! Because I’m not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! America: Did he just-

Romano: WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS TOUTCHA MY SPAGHETTI?? I AM GOING TO KI- America: *raises hand* Romano: -iss you and bring you some more spaghetti. Do you want cheese on top?

America: YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR ROBBERY Romano: WAIT NO BUT WHAT DID I STEAL? America: My heart.

America: *whispers in Romano's ear* This place is pretty dangerous, want me to hold your hand... just in case? Romano: *rolls his eyes playfully and grabs America's hand, intertwining their fingers together* Lithuania: …We’re at the mall, what is wrong with you two???

Romano: Your smile? It makes my day. America: Your happiness? I live for that. Lithuania: A room? Just get one.

America: Oh c’mon, I didn’t drink that much last night! Lithuania: You were flirting with Romano. America: So what? He's my boyfriend. Lithuania: You asked if he was single…  Lithuania: And then cried when he said he wasn't

America: Oh c’mon, I didn’t drink that much last night! Lithuania: You were flirting with Romano. America: So what? He's my boyfriend. Lithuania: You asked if he was single…  Lithuania: And then cried when he said he wasn't

England: If you wanna marry America, you're gonna have to ask for my blessing.

Romano: Ok. May I have your-

Netherlands: And mine.

Romano: What?

France: And mine.

Romano:

Spain: And mine

Romano: You're supposed to be my dad!

Norway: And my blessing.

Sweden: And mine

Finland: And mine

Romano:

Denmark: Don't forget mine!

Canada: And mine!

Romano: *nervous sweating*

Lithuania: Alfred F. Jones, do you take Giacomo Vargas as your lawfully wedded husband? America: I Scooby-Dooby-Doo. Romano: I want a divorce.

America: Be the bigger person. Romano: No! I’m 170cm and bitter. You be the bigger person.

America, singing: This woman is my destiny. She said; Nyo!Romano, singing: Ooo oo oo ooh, shut up- Nyo!Romano, normal voice: Just shut up!

America: Making my way downtown. America: Walking fast. America: America: Walking slower to match my pace with Romano's because he's short.

America: For self defence purposes, imagine this scenario: I have a gun to your face and say "Your money or your life!" What would you do? Romano: Bold of you to assume I have money. Lithuania: Bold of you to assume I want to live.

Romano: So, bastard, what’s Alfredo's type? Lithuania: Hazel eyes, brown hair, oblivious, likes food, rude as hell Romano: Sounds kinda like me... Too bad we’re just friends! Lithuania: Did I mention oblivious? Romano: Si, why? Lithuania: Okay, just making sure.

Romano: I'm cooking my brother America: ok Romano: *for Romano: I love how you would've believed me.

Romano: What time is it? America: *rips off normal clothes to reveal revolutionary uniform* SHOWTIME Lithuania: I'm so sorry America: SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO--

*After an argument between Romano and America* Lithuania: Alright, now America, do you have anything nice to say about Romano? America: …I've seen... shorter people.

Lithuania: So, why is America mad at you? Romano: He sneezed and I accidentally said “shut the fuck up” instead of “bless you.” Lithuania: How do you accidentally say “shut the fuck up”?!

America: So we went to the only person we could trust— Lithuania. Romano: But he told us our plan was way too devious. America: And illegal.

Romano: This is torture. You're torturing me. Stop trying to seduce me, it's not going to work. America: -literally just washing the dishes-

Romano: Anyone above 170cm doesn’t deserve happiness America: I’m sorry could you say that a bit louder? Couldn’t hear that from up here. Do you need a ladder? I can get you a ladder.

*Watching a horror movie* America: Are you scared? Romano: In this economy, who wouldn’t be?

Romano and America: Can you feel the lo- Lithuania, joining in: love tonight- America: Really? Lithuania: I'll shut up now

America, singing(???): IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT'S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT! Romano: *unsheathes sword* Lithuania: *stops him* America: RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVAL!!!

America and Romano: *making out in the kitchen* Lithuania, casually walking by while eating cereal: Oh hey am I interrupting anything

Link to part 5

[oikawaplssteponme]

PART 8 | previously: part 7 | masterlist

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: swearing, fighting

synopsis: When UA’s hot heads, Katsuki Bakugou and you, are forced to put your hatred for each other aside and plan the third year Prom, things end up getting a little heated...

a/n: hi hi!! 💕okay so the prom that im describing throughout this fic is like your ‘basic’ prom so to say. that’s simply because that’s just how i personally know how prom works :) i just wanted to clarify that in case some of you were confused since i didn’t really mention that before and i hope you don’t mind :)) anyway, enjoy xx

•

Eight: tantrum

To say you were embarrassed was an understatement. You felt awful for not giving Deku an answer, and even worse for running away. You didn’t even realize you were moving until you found yourself locked in your room. You felt so stupid. Why didn’t you just say yes to Miydoria? It’s not like Bakugou was actually gonna ask you. So why did it matter?

It was the next day and you were seated in homeroom. You didn’t even want to look at your classmates, let alone Deku. You felt so bad for blowing him off like that.

You watched as Deku took a seat next to you, as he usually did. Trailing behind him was Bakugou, who didn’t give you some witty insult as he did most mornings.

“H-Hi Deku,” you said nervously.

“Hi Y/N!” He smiled brightly. Your eyes widened.

Is he not mad at me?

“How are you?” You asked.

“Good! A bit tired though, I was up late doing some training,” he replied. You nodded.

“Uh, look about yesterday-”

“It’s okay if you don’t have an answer just yet. I can wait,” he reassured you. You sighed.

“Mind if we talk at lunch?” you asked. He nodded.

“Well aren’t you two cute?” huffed Bakugou. You looked at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” you groaned. Bakugou just shrugged and before you could bother him again, class began.

As the morning passed, you found yourself at lunch. You sat with Deku and Iida as you usually did. You felt kinda awkward, not engaging in conversation as you normally would.

“Hey Deku mind if we talk now?” You interrupted. Deku looked at Iida and watched as he got up from the table.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” smiled Iida. You now faced Deku and took a deep breath.

“Look, Deku, I really appreciate you asking me to Prom. It was super sweet and I loved the poster,” you began. Deku just smiled at you, nodding at every word you said.

Is he even listening to me?

“But, um, here’s the thing. I-uh, I don’t think I’m gonna go with a date. I kinda wanna just enjoy the dance with everyone...as a group, you know?” Deku stopped smiling.

“But we're going in the same group anyway?”

“Yeah, true. It’s just that I’m-“

“Wait did someone already ask you?”

“No, no, uh it’s not that. I just...gosh I’m really sorry Deku. I just would rather go without a date. Anyway, I’m gonna have to be running the dance so I probably won’t be having fun away. I’d hate for you to have a shitty time because of me,” you explained, which was the truth. Odds are you’d be scrambling around the dance making sure things are going well. It would be unfair to Deku to drag him along. Nevertheless, Deku looked disappointed.

“But I’ll save you a dance! How’s that?” You attempted to cheer him up. Deku looked back at you.

“I’d like that,” he smiled. You felt a wave of relief fall over you.

“Perfect. Thanks for understanding,” you said. Izuku nodded.

“Of course, but I sorta already told my mom you were going with me so do you mind if we still take a picture together on the day of Prom?” You laughed.

“Yeah that’s fine Deku.”

~

After school you followed your normal routine of changing out of your uniform and into something comfortable then going down to the basement. Prom was approaching quickly and you knew there was still much that had to be done.

The door was locked but you could see light peeking out from underneath. You began to knock on the door, hoping Bakugou was inside.

“Katsuki!” You continued to knock.

“I know you’re in there dumbass, it’s me!” You finally heard footsteps approach the door. The door swung open, revealing an annoyed Bakugou.

“Woah what’s with your face?” You asked. Bakugou didn’t say anything, he just turned around and sat back down.

“Uh okay...hey did you ever contact Present Mic about DJ-ing? Apparently he actually charges for school events,” you said. Bakugou paid you no attention.

“Well I called the flower shop for the centerpieces and they said they can give us a deal for 20 but we would have to buy the larger size.”

Still nothing.

“Bakugou? Hello? I’m trying to talk to you.” You went over to him and nudged him. Nothing.

“I know damn well you aren’t giving me the fucking silent treatment right now,” you huffed. You had to clench your fists to stop yourself from doing something stupid. Bakugou shrugged.

“THAT'S IT!” You grabbed the back of Bakugou’s shirt and pulled him to stand up. You dragged him to the wall and pressed your forearm against his neck.

“WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT NOW? HUH?”

“I bet you wish I was Deku right now, don’t you?” Your eyes widened.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bakugou just shrugged. You began to get more heated so you applied more pressure to his neck.

“So that’s what your little tantrum is about? Deku?” Bakugou huffed angrily. He pushed you off of him and pinned your wrists to the wall.

“I AM NOT HAVING A TANTRUM!”

“THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?!”

Bakugou opened his mouth as if he were going to yell at you again but he stopped himself. He let out a frustrated sigh.

“Did you say yes?” he asked. You gave him a confused look.

“Yes to what?” Bakugou sighed.

“God you are so fucking stupid…”

“I AM NOT!”

“WELL DID YOU SAY YES TO HIM OR NOT?” You suddenly realized what Bakugou was talking about.

“Do you mean about Prom?” You asked. Bakugou looked down, nodding slightly. You groaned.

“No Katsuki. I told him no.”

Bakugou looked at you with widened eyes.

“Wait, you didn’t choose Deku?”

“What? No, I didn’t choose Deku. Why would I choose Deku?” You questioned. Bakugou looked back down at the ground.

“Everyone chooses Deku…” he mumbled.

“Well I didn’t so clearly not everyone,” you smirked.

Bakugou let go of you from the wall. You rubbed your wrists. Bakugou leaned against the table, his face resting in the palms of his hands. You walked over to him and gently moved his hands so you could see his face.

“Anyway, I don’t think Deku can handle all this,” you joked, gesturing to yourself. Bakugou let out a small laugh.

“I hate you…” he mumbled. You chuckled.

“I hate you more.” You let go of Bakugou’s hands and sat down on the table as you usually did.

“Now that you’re done throwing your fit, will you please go pick up the streamers we re-ordered? They’re in the office,” you said. Bakugou groaned.

“Fine dumbass.”

“Thank you Katsuki,” you smiled.

“Whatever.”

~

“Why are suits so expensive?” groaned Bakugou. You chuckled.

“Just rent one or something,” you suggested. You and Bakugou were still in the basement, though little planning progress was being made.

“Why are there so many different options?” Bakugou was struggling to find the correct attire for the dance. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Here let me see.” You moved to sit next to Bakugou, taking his laptop and scrolling through the page he had opened.

“Did you want to get a specific color?” You asked. Bakugou shrugged.

“I don’t know how this shit works.”

“Well if you wanted you could get a colored suit but that also depends on if you have a date or not. You’d look pretty stupid if you and your date had clashing colors,” you explained.

“So if I have a date I have to match with them? That fucking sucks.” You laughed.

“All you’d really have to do is find a tie that’s the same color of whatever dress or clothing that they are wearing. It’s not as difficult as it seems.”

“Hmmm okay…”

“The easy choice is just to get a black suit and tie. That never goes out of style. Like this one.” You pointed to the nicely tailored suit on the computer screen. You couldn’t help but get excited at the thought of Bakugou dressed up.

“And uh, those flower things that people wear. Do people still do that?” He asked. You chuckled.

“You mean corsages and boutonnières. Yeah but again you only need to worry about that if you have a date. Like the tie, the flowers you pick would probably match the colors you two wear.”

“For someone who hates Prom, you sure do know a lot about it,” said Bakugou.

“It’s kinda common knowledge dumbass,” you teased.

“Oh shut up!” Bakugou took back his laptop. “Don’t you need to get your dress or something?”

You groaned.

“Don’t remind me. I have no idea what kind of dress I’m gonna get. And the worst part is that it has to be long,” you complained.

“Why don’t you just ask Yaoyorozu to make you one?” He suggested.

“I asked and she said no because that would be ‘damaging to the economy.’ I just think that she’s gonna force me to go shopping with her and the rest of the girls in class.”

“Ha well have fun with that,” teased Bakugou.

“Hey isn’t it way past your bedtime explosion boy?” Bakugou looked at the clock on the wall.

“Not past yet. But I’m going to bed.” He began to pack up his things.

“God, you’re like an old man,” you joked. Bakugou rolled his eyes.

“Well maybe if you got more sleep you’d actually beat me in a fight for once.”

“Seriously?”

“Did it sound like I was joking?” You huffed and followed Bakugou up the stairs.

“Fine I’ll get some stupid sleep Katsuki.”

“Good. Night Y/N.” Bakugou walked back to the dorms and you stopped to take a deep breath.

That stupid boy is gonna be the death of me.

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @bokutory @complimentaryhugsgirl @cloudswritings @kriswu46 @neodnyl @evivn1 @jazzylove @mileven-reddie @whalerus @misssugarless @random-fandom-girl-24 @fanfiction-and-stress @ushiwakatrash @minhoswife @addictofsupernatural @the-shota-king-masayuki @freyafolkvangr @fourteenow @tamaguchi @lalayy @athenarosaline @blxck-coffee @katsukibabe @thatonegeekchick @that-chick212 @bibly @nxynxy @theunknownrandom @flustered-blue-eyed-sex-muffin @94potterhead @moonlightaangel (if your name is bold, i couldn’t tag you) ]

[danaduchy]

NPCs about Seeds

Full script of Far Cry 5 (except cutscenes)

* What were those Seed brothers like? Can't imagine there's anything like a healthy sibling rivalry going on there. * John's the baby of the Seed family. His brothers turn a blind eye to his more sadistic indulgences. * Joseph and John show why it's hard to have a family business. Money and blood mix weird. Even when you're not tryin' to be a messiah.   * When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... * Kim and I used to throw these weekend BBs. Open invite. All you had to do was bring something. If you can believe it, the whole Seed family came once. They brang watery mac and cheese. I shoulda knew they were monsters when they did that. * John's on edge 'cause his brother-Father is getting' cranky. What a fucked up sibling relationship those two got. * Maybe John will go crying to his "father". I wanna see Joseph give John a spanking. * Joseph's pissed the hell off. I hear John's sweating like a piggy. * Word's out - Joseph's had it with John. That little punk is backed into a corner now. * Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.     * Says somethin' that Joseph didn't save his brother. Family really doesn't mean shit to these people. * Wonder what Daddy Seed is feelin' right now. Oh. Shit. What if he WANTED John dead? Fuck man, I can't think about the big game. We did it here. We kicked ass. That's gotta matter. Okay that’s what I'm telling myself.  Yeah, that’s it. * I'm just sayin': If I was Joseph and I had the ability to see into future occurrences, I woulda warned my boy John that he was gon' get murdered... and made some good bets. * I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Joseph tries to spin John's death to his own advantage. * John Seed never had the Father's full confidence, what I heard. But the Joseph loves little sister Faith, and gave her everything her twisted heart desired. * Jacob always tried to look out for his little brother. Imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out you killed him.

* John was always the runt of the Seed family. I'm not surprised that you were able to get him. But I gotta warn you, Jacob's a whole lot meaner than his little brother. * Joseph adopted Faith into their family. She's going to be madder'n a wet hen that you killed her brother John. * John liked to throw his weight around, tryin' to prove how strong he was. Jacob knows he's strong. His actions are more controlled, and he's a lot scarier for it. John was always super emotional, but Jacob's buttons won't be so easy to push. * All this could have been avoided if only a mid-level cable channel gave the Seed family the reality show they deserved. * You know, if any of these Seeds ran for office, they'd win in a landslide. Mind control charisma just oozes off of them. * Come to think of it, the Seeds work just like a political office. You got Joseph, the mayor, and John, Jacob and Faith as his city councilors. It's no wonder they forced me and my people out of office - they already knew how to play the game! * Each of the Seeds has their own bunker. They call them “Gates”. * Know how I sniffed out Eden's Gate's bullshit early on?  Only the Seeds were allowed to be angry, everybody else had to be calm--even though we all had our asses in that church because we were mad at the same shit too. But now everybody gets to be angry, 'cause it's a weapon pointin' where the Seeds want it. Protect the project. Transparent motherfuckers.

John

Resistance

* John's always been obsessed with the people in Fall's End. And with Mary May in particular. * Deep down, I think John wants to die. That man has scars that run deep. * John's got a particular ritual he sticks to. You get marked with a video, then you get dunked in the water. When John wants you found, he doesn't stop. Ever. * Nowadays, if you're caught huntin’, John Seed'll have ya' killed. * John's got people getting baptized all across the valley. In rivers, creeks, hell, even in puddles. * John scrawls a fucking tattoo on your chest, then flays you the fuck alive. He nails it to a wall. * If the peggies wanted a heap of food, why didn't they drive a ways to the wholesale club and take that over? Everythin' would be canned and ready for them instead of still in the ground. You can tell John Seed never had to raise a kid.   * The cult takes people and then sorts out where they go. Whoever John doesn't keep, he sends to Jacob. Or Faith. * John really puts the dick in dictator. The fucker just loves calling and leaving answering machine messages, too. * John's always wearing a key around his neck. He calls it the key to paradise. I don't wanna know what it unlocks. * I'm pretty sure the family that used to own this farm is long gone. John Seed made an offer. They refused. That's that. * This fertilizer company was bought by John Seed a long time ago. They ran it as a legit business. * This one guy, Les Doverspike. House is northwest. He thought he could prepare for everything... Din't count on... JOHN SEED'S LAWYERING SUPER POWERS! In the blink of an eye, Eden's Gate owned Les' land, bunker, arm, leg, dingleberries, ....EVERYTHING! * I've heard some pretty brutal stories about what happens when John wants you to confess. * The peggies had to have planned all this way ahead of time - they're harvestin' at record speed. I guess they had little meetings... John probably hunkered over his map gettin' a hard-on for the sound of his own voice. Hm... now there's a thought... * The thing that always bugs me about John Seed is, who goes to a lawyer that’s tatted up more than a gangbanger? * You're attractin' a lot of attention, especially from John Seed. John's paying special attention to you. * John wants you real bad. Have you considered maybe he's in some kinda love with you? He oughta killed you like two or three times already but he's playin' cat and mouse. Just sayin', if you find yourself alone with him maybe a good long somethin-or-other could save our necks. * Man, that John, he sure does have a hard on for you. So I'm thinking, you guys should probably just fuck and uh get it over with. * I bet you John gives the best spankin's. Sorry I know that's messed up. What can I say, he brings it outta me. I'm just sayin' maybe we don't kill John is all. Seems a waste of a perfectly good set of buns. * Before you, John never lost his cool. You're driving John literally crazy. * I drank with Joey Hudson back in the day. She doesn't take shit from anyone. John's gonna eat her alive. * I know how these things go, man. Deputy, you better keep skeleton keys and wire cutters and a swiss army knife and anythin' that'll get you outta a hogtie on you at all times, because John is gonna truss you up like a dinner turkey real soon. * Always thought there was somethin' kinda twisted about John. * John the Baptist is an amoral predator, end of story. * John Seed's not gettin' what he wants, so he's pitchin' a fit. * Keep an ear out for John's fucken' plane. He loves buzzin' around in that hunk of shit. * I've known men like John Seed before. Real charismatic. They'll sell ya poison and convince ya it's a health tonic. He'd fit in real nice in Washington... * I had one conversation with John Seed and I knew! I knew... He masks his words as guidance, but deep down there is a selfishness that could only come from pure evil. * John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. * I hear John Seed was a lawyer or something. Used the rules to buy up stuff in the Holland Valley. The cult must have been running damage control already, because think of what a story that'd make. Unless we're already all tapped out of giving a fuck about the shitty economy and its parasites. Huh. Yeah. He's same old, actually. Same fucking old. * I remember the first time John Seed set foot in this bar. I'm wiping down counters and Ma's countin' the till when I hear her bark, 'What the fuck do you want?' I look up and he's standin' in the doorway. Eyein' me like I'm a meal. Some people 'round here said give the Seed's a chance. I knew they were bad news from the start. * Eden's Gate took this town right from under us. They started buying up all the land, forcing business to shut down and foreclosing on homes.... My parents and me fought back, but John wanted this bar. Told 'em he'd have to pry it from our cold dead hands. So, the cult paid off the county and made it illegal to transport alcohol. We fought back with lawyers, but those leeches bled us dry, too. * Whenever there's a neighbor in need, everybody around here pitches in. A couple days after we told some people I was pregnant, we got all this secondhand baby shit from everybody. John Seed stole all of it the next day. * Heard Pastor Jerome had you saving people from being kidnapped. John Seed did that to me. The fucker made me think he was going to torture me, too. Had me wait in a room for half a day thinking he was going to do it. All that fucker did was give me one of those ink jobs. It was messed up. * John Seed is just a man. He seeks glory and riches. He immersed himself in a sea of self-aggrandizement. He pounds pulpits. He professes principals he neither believes nor practices. He stokes fear. But he is just a man. * Before you came along, John Seed kidnapped me. He has his way of getting a person to say things. It's not about my words. It's about what's in his head. When he was done, I was beaten, toed in the woods, and left to die. * A long time ago, in peaceful times, I asked John Seed what was driving him. He gave me so many answers. All of them lies. * John Seed is a cruel soul who can't be reasoned with. He enjoys making people suffer. * John and the Peggies are taking everything and everyone that ain't nailed down. Even then they just come with crowbars. * After you're marked for baptism and dunked in the fucking river, John drags you to his bunker. God save us from whatever he does in there. * There must be a reason John almost drowns people in the baptisms. It's a power play but there's more to it. * If John really wanted to, he could wipe Fall's End off the map. He's toying with the people there, like a sadistic cat. * John's got a singular mind. Dug up from a serial killer's grave, but still, singular. * There's something really wrong with John. I don't have a name for it but you can see it in that creepy smile of his. * When I first saw him on the cult's videos, John seemed pretty harmless. But when I met him in person, he made the hairs on my neck stand up. * John bought up all the businesses 'round here and promised us jobs but the only people who got work were cultists. * When John asks you for somethin', he's not really askin'. He'll get what he wants from you one way or another. * John wants us all to say yes, but I think he actually really likes it when they say no. Gives him an excuse to get mean. * Anyone who doesn't confess to John gets killed and put on display as a warning to others. It's inhuman. * John doesn't just mark people with a sin, but their houses too. You can see his calling cards all over the valley. * I got a package from John Seed the other day. // What was inside it? // A note that said I was favored and that if I admitted to my sin, I'd be cleansed. * What does John Seed do exactly...? // He messes with your head. Asks you questions. Makes you say shit you don't want to be saying. I... I really don't want to talk about it. * John was right, we all do have one sin that tends to run our life. In a weird way maybe he did give us a second chance. * My old house was a piece of shit. It would creak at night, so bad I thought for sure some boogie man was coming to get me every night growing up. // Heh, aw, that's cute. // Yeah. John gutted and burned it to a crisp last week. * Okay, I need to lighten the mood. This is unbearable. // Oh Lord. // John Seed is so uptight, he takes a ruler to bed to see how long he sleeps. // I'm not in the mood. // John Seed is so uptight, he fell down a coal shaft and found a diamond in his ass a week later. // Okay that's pretty good. * You seen that John guy? Most aggressive grin I ever seen on a human being. Like a chimpanzee before it bites ya. // God what a creep. // I hate to think what kinda life he's come from. // Who gives a shit? He's evil. // What makes a guy that evil though? // It doesn't matter. There are loads of people out there with troubled pasts but they manage not to run an apocalypse murder cult. * Not like John was the peak of sanity before, but he's going straight up coo-coo bananas with all you're doin'. * Sounds like Broseph's mad! Ouuuu, family probs! John's like that little brother who gets held down and farted on, and then curls into a ball and cries. * One thing about John -- the more you ruffle his feathers, the angrier he gets. He can't deal with embarrassment; being made to look bad. He'll start sending out search parties to grab people like us, so we gotta stay frosty. * John's lustin' for a dogfight with you, huh. I bet that kid jerked it to Top Gun or something and now it's the only way he can get a stiffie, is in a dogfight. If you have to kick the bucket I hope that's one of your last thoughts, its a good one. * John's playin' a strange game with you. Dunno what's worse, that sometimes he seems to want you dead, or sometimes he seems to want you alive. * John's no better than his brother's dog, and we all know what needs doin' to a mad dog. * John's huntin' you like an animal.  He catches you, you're probably gonna join his other trophies on his wall. * Hey dep, I just wanna say I'm sorry, I heard John's got a partner of yours It's gotta be scary, you know. Probably heard about how John cuts people up and knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined. Anyways don't think about that. I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine. She'll be alright. * Was John dead behind the eyes when you met him? It's not my imagination, there's no soul back there. * I heard there's no spare key for the bunker prison. Just one for John. Control freak. * John Seed, what a fuckin' self-absorbed dick, huh? You just KNOW he jerks off in the mirror, and marvels at his fuckin' facial expressions. * That's John Seed's Ranch. I heard he loved hiding in that castle of his. * John had this place built just for him. Even got a hangar for his fucken' planes. * Look at this place. John's got the worst case of younger sibling syndrome I ever seen. * John's such a neat freak, it's inhuman. * Ugh. John Seed's temple to himself. Fucker's got a tennis court. I ain't never seen anybody play. Just another way he's a hypocrite. * I know everyone's got a bunker out here, but John's is ridiculous. * John's taste in home decor is... awful. * John's been stealin' the planes from all over the Valley. He keeps the best ones at the airstrip next to his ranch. * Of all the Seeds, I think I understood John the least. Inferiority complex, maybe? But he was a lawyer, he could have gone out and, I don't know, been a Wall Street megalomaniac. I guess economic murder isn't as satisfying as direct murder. * John made tattoos look real bad man, I'm glad he's six feet under. You gotta respect the ink. He didn't even learn a proper letterin' or font techniques or nothing, man. No way I'd have even trusted him to touch up my tramp stamp. * With John gone, Jacob will have a harder time building up his army. But he's already got a strong force at the ready.

Peggies

* John Seed's a funny guy. But not 'ha-ha' funny. * Dang, John's bunker is so luxurious. There's parts of this bunker that only John can access. * Deputy Hudson is one of John's "special projects". Every time John leaves here, he's got a big smile on his face. * John's got the only key to the deeper parts of the bunker. We really oughtta make a copy of John's key. What if he loses it? * John knows the human heart. He's been through a lot. It's why I trust him. * I wonder if John's place will survive the Collapse? * I could get in trouble for saying this, but it smells funny in John's house. * Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy. * I knew John loved planes, but I didn't know he also loved boats. I bet John's boat costs more than my old house. * I've never seen Brother John on a boat, but I know he likes to get wet. * You think John fishes? * We need to keep this place tidy. You know how John gets with his baptisms. * Bet we're guardin' John's unreleased films. * I hope Brother John takes me for a plane ride someday. * John keeps all of his favorite things stashed in the hangar. * John wants the word Yes plastered all over this place. Gotta attract new brothers and sisters. * Taking this scrap metal is good forward thinking. John's left nothing to chance. He's a smart man. * Bet John'll be a king after the collapse. * If you're marked, John believes you can be saved. I didn't want to admit my sin at first, but John showed me how to accept it gracefully. * Feels weird turning those people into Angels. I mean, they worked in the store here with us. They cooperated. // Sure, they cooperated. But they were still sinners. There's no going back at a certain point, you know? John said that this was the only way to save them. * I know it's John's will, but...I don't like killing dogs. * John's made catchin' that deputy our top priority. Wonder why John wants the deputy alive. * That deputy's fixin' to get taken into John's special room. * John's relentless, that deputy don't stand a chance. * John's gettin' awful mad. I pity anyone who has to deal with him face to face. * I don't know what's goin' on in John's head, but it's embarrassing. * I thought John had control of things, but lately it feels like he's got no idea what he's doin'. * John's got that look in his eye, I almost feel bad for the people of Fall's End. * John will make everyone atone, even if it kills him. * John was right, they never saw us comin'. * John's so smart. Burnin' what we can't take, so people know they need us, spirit and body. * Last I heard from John, he was real angry. Never knew he had that amount of righteous wrath in him. * Pray you never see John lose his cool. // He never does. // He has though. Some sinner a while back had words with 'im. I couldn't hear exactly, but I heard 'em say the Father's name - I never seen John go so red so fast. // What'd he do? // Well he gets in his plane and wipes the sinner's property off the goddamned map. He rains fire on'em. They're scurryin' everywhere, screamin'. Like a magnifying glass on an anthill. * The Seeds lost a good brother in John. * Maybe John wasn't part of the plan? Maybe this is still what the voice told Joseph? * John's faith wavered, but mine's never been stronger. * I'll miss John's pep talks. * John did so much for the project. He can never be replaced. * John proved his devotion in blood. How can we do any less? * John was always larger than life, it felt like he was immortal.

Joseph

Resistance

* Joseph doesn't like it when his family goes off-book. * I know this is an unpopular opinion, but what if Joseph's right about the end of the world? * That's the first place Joseph ever built. Back when they pretended to be good. Joseph used to preach here. We could have saved us some trouble if we had just set fire to it years ago. * Joseph Seed and his whole family are like the politicians who ran this country into the ground. They sell ya hope and change and all these people buy into it thinking it's gonna be different this time. It ain't. Might as well be buyin' magic beans. * These people in Eden's Gate have been led astray. Joseph Seed claims he loves everyone. Wants them to know the truth.  The truth is he preaches vengeance and sows lies. But the words of an evil man ring louder in the minds of the weak... * You know what really gets me? Cult leaders are usually always in it for the money. Just like a pyramid scheme. Joseph ain't like that. I keep tryin' to break this guy down into what he wants from people. If it ain't money, and it ain't sex, what the hell is it? * Joseph's a charismatic son of a bitch. I mean, you've heard him. The pitch. The tempo. The way the words roll off his gentle lips. His mannerisms. I mean he's been speech trained, probably more than any politician I've ever seen. That's how you know he's a government guy. * I know the people of this valley. They're good, hard workin' people. But in bad times, people get scared, start lookin' for someone to blame. Joseph Seed fed on that fear. Told folk the end of the world was coming. Lot of 'em believed him. Truth be told... way things are now? I sometimes wonder if he's right. Folks felt abandoned, grew weary, they needed our help. And we didn't listen, but Joseph Seed did. Joseph Seed wooed people. He told them EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. With those falsehoods, lies, his poison. It's driven a lot of good folks away from the righteous path. * I knew Joseph Seed was bad business when he wormed his way in here a few years back. I imagine the fucking mainstream media would paint us as two sides of the same coin, because they're either lazy or corrupt or both... But to me, it's simple: I'm willing to sacrifice everything for my family, while Joseph Seed wants to burn down the world for his. * Y'know, I had a dream last night that involved me, a bed, whips and chains, and Joseph Seed. Suffice to say there were a lot of conflicting emotions and sensations... * Did you have a vision? Faith dosed me with bliss, and I saw the Father come to me, personally, and tell me terrible things. * I have a lot of pity for Faith. Joseph is the true monster, manipulating that young woman into a weapon. * Who the heck is Faith, y'know? Joseph treats her both like his daughter and his sister. How much does she know? How influential is she? It's all twisted together. * I wonder how many other secret bunkers there are in the county? Joseph procured a whole missile silo and no one saw! * Faith came to Hope County to detox. Like tourism of hillbilly country for rehab. But Joseph took a shine to her and she was reborn. Hell, her real name ain't even Faith, but something rich, like Riley or Rachel. * Joseph believes in Faith. He's entrusted her with all manner of heinous activity out here. We need to take her out. * I can't see what kind of method to the madness Eden's Gate has goin' on. Three heralds of the Collapse? What are they even doin'? // They got a system. Faith sows, John reaps, Jacob... // Steps on your neck? // Deals in belief, I guess. // Nah, that's Joseph's job. He's the charismatic populist motherfucker. Jacob just wants to cull people. * Joseph's just a nobody from nowhere. How'd he get this many people behind him? * There was a time no western religious leader would be caught dead with a goddamned man-bun. Fuck I miss those days. Listen, I get that he's runnin' this big old cult and all but if you're gonna run a big old cult you gotta look the part! Long robe that's a weird color, like puce or something, stringy moustache, head shaved bald like a baby. Not like some kind of lovechild between a hipster and a country singer. * Joseph Seed's family is gone. He's gonna be vulnerable and running on emotion. He won't be thinkin' straight. If we're putting this to a vote, I'd say we close this chapter for good, as soon as possible.

Peggies

* The father's takin' a personal interest in those deputies now... Maybe his visions told him somethin'.   * Joseph said that deputy is special. I wonder what he meant by that. * Despite everything they've done to us, I know Joseph would still forgive them. * We have to love the sinners. It's what Joseph would want. * It's been too long since I've seen our Father's face. * Joseph is a gifted songwriter. You haven't lived until you've heard Joseph sing this live. * I heard that the Father got the idea for the Judges in a vision. * Jacob might teach us to shoot, but Joseph guides our aim. * President Seed has a nice ring to it. Wonder if Joseph has political aspirations? * I see why Joseph liked this county. Plenty of silos for what we need to store. * Everyone knows Joseph will not tolerate idle hands.   * The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps. * After the collapse, we won't hear the Father on the radio anymore. * Joseph's disappointed in us, I can tell. We gotta do better. * I hope the Father doesn't take this out on us. * I can't imagine how Joseph feels now, with his brother gone.   * With Jacob gone the Father has to have a backup plan for us. He has to. * Our Father was supposed to save us. Joseph wouldn't ever abandon us, would he? * Joseph will know what to do. I just have to find out where he's hidin'.

Jacob

Resistance

* We're in Jacob's territory now. Know how I know? Wildlife is scarce. I'm not one for hunting but this area in particular used to be home to quite a few species. They've either been driven away or taken in for experiments. It's sad. * Jacob Seed's in charge out here. He's ex-military, he's a combat veteran, and he's a psycho. * Faith was Joseph's favorite, but Jacob is his toughest soldier, bar none. * Jacob's got this Chair. He straps people in and breaks them down until their souls are gone. Then he controls their mind. Don't end up in that chair. * I know Jacob's the bad guy and all, but every bad guy thinks they're this misunderstood hero, right? Has anyone ever tried to just, you know, take him for coffee and talk to him? * Strippin' people of their mind and freewill to build an army for The Father, that ain't right. I still can't believe Jacob and Joseph are brothers. * The mind is the most dangerous weapon and Jacob knows that all too well. No one was really prepared for this. * I've seen him up close once and I'll tell ya' Jacob Seed is one scary motherfucker. * Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it. * I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream. * Whatever you do, don't listen to the music. That's how Jacob gets you. * One of the first places Jacob took over is the old Veteran's Hospital. No one thought much of it at the time. * Careful. Jacob likes to play mind games with ya. * This was an animal sanctuary until Jacob took it over. Looks like he's got some freaky deaky shit goin' on. Jake-n-Bake Seed really had his fingers up in everything up here. * Jacob's completely insane. He's not even trying to hide what he's doing anymore. * Heard that Jacob has been doin' some weird stuff with animals over here... and not just wolves this time. * Jacob's been putting people in cages. Keepin' them there with no food or water for weeks!  Almost better if they just killed you. * Eli worked on Jacob's special bunkers, did you know that? Turns out they didn't get along. Who would've thought? * No one is immune to Jacob's fucked up conversion. Once they hit you with that you ain't ever the same. * Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists. * Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us. Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything. * Jacob knows how to get into your head. Twists things around so you don't know what's right anymore. * If Jacob can't find a use for you in his army, you become target practice for troops. * Be careful out there. Friends might not be friends anymore after Jacob's done with them. * I bet the Peggies got an armory here, too. I can't believe how Jacob got them so organized. * Jacob's using everything he learned in the military and twisting it to suit the needs of Eden's Gate. Son of a bitch is a poor excuse for a soldier if you ask me. As long as he's alive my Pops will be rolling in his grave, all bitter and mad. * Have to say, you've ticked Jacob off something fierce. * You wanna bet that Jacob had that three-wolf moon poster as a kid? I bet he was a cub scout, too. Now he's getting his badge for people-skinning and brainwashing. * I'm seeing a lot more choppers in the air. Looks like Jacob's using them to move troops and supplies. * You know, I was dumb enough to work for Jacob a few years back. Who you think built him all those Peggie bunkers? You think I saw any of this comin'? Hell no... * Jacob's new recruits gotta kill someone they care about, just to prove their loyalty. That's messed up on so many levels. * Jacob will be pied that you and the Cougars freed the Henbane River. He'll need a new source of soldiers. * Jacob sees himself as beyond the other so-called Heralds. He views his work as the most important, and that the others' purpose was to support him. * Jacob will break every bone in your body to convert you. He lives for pain. * Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith. * Between John, Faith, and Jacob, I'd say our mind control freak is the worst. He makes people kill their own family. His own mind's twisted. He's a damn maniac. * I hear Jacob's looking everywhere for you. * You gotta save us from all this darkness. All this death. Jacob's losing it and he's out hunting down more people. He's gonna do anything for Joseph's plan to work. * Cult's got the wrong idea 'bout sacrifices. My neighbor killed his old man 'cause Jacob said so. For fuck's sake, you don't do that. * Jacob's gone nuts 'cause he lost a lot of his precious, mindless soldiers. I'd say it sucks even more to see our own teammates turned against us. * Jacob's pissed. That's new. He's always been the crazy type, but I'm afraid of what he'll come up with next. Stay sharp. * Using music to control people is so in bad taste, but Jacob's song pick, that's gotta say something about him. * How much do we know about this Jacob fella? He seems strong. Got a good setup going on... We ought to take some photographs of him or somethin'. Preferably shirtless... Y'know, for intelligence purposes. Know your enemy. * If Jacob he had an experienced woman in his life, this shit would not be happenin'. I'll take one for the team if it comes to that. Just don't tell Xander I said that. He'll get jealous. * I knew Jacob was trouble as soon as he showed up. I mean, did you see his face? It's all burned and twisted like his heart. * Jacob's got training grounds all over the place. I've seen them out there, shooting anything that moves. * I can almost understand why people follow Jacob. He's knows what he's doin', that's for sure. Mind you he's also a fucken' psychopath kind of a deal breaker for me. * Honestly, Jacob scares the shit outta me, even more than the Father. I've seen Jacob up close, I've looked him in the eyes they're empty, not a single shred of humanity anywhere. * Jacob's one sick fuck. Nailing up bodies? Burning people alive? That's just messed up. * You know what? I think Jacob's scared of Eli. That's why he's tried so hard to get him. * Jacob must be getting desperate and crazy. More troops out here than ever. * Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back. Jacob's going to win. He always wins. * Jacob was the big, mean, brute of the Seed clan. * Jacob was an example of how a vet can go bad without any help. Still glad he's dead of course.

Peggies

* Hope Jacob doesn't have another surprise inspection. Last one didn't go so hot. * Jacob asks for sacrifices from us all.  I gave up my son just so I could understand the Father's pain. * Jacob can turn these animals into weapons for the Father, I've seen him do it. * Jacob calls those wolves of his Judges, 'cause that's what they do. If you're not worthy, they tear you to shreds. * Jacob takes us, molds us and lifts us up to realize our potential. Just like this Judge. Once, it was just a simple wolf. Then it heard the voice of the Father. Now look at it. Stronger, faster... a killer. That's what Jacob does, he makes us better than we were, because only the very best of us will pass through Eden's Gate and on to salvation. * Jacob has asked us to find more recruits for the Project. We have to make them see the light... by force if necessary. * Jacob taught me how to bring a boar down will one killshot. Now I just apply the same logic to sinners. Easy. * Trust nobody, that's what Jacob told us. * Last time I was here Jacob himself complimented me on my shootin'. * Jacob will whip the strong ones into shape. The rest of 'em won't survive training. Jacob sure puts you through your paces here. It's how he makes us strong. * Jacob only wants the strongest of any creature. * Some of the converts have a hard time losing their old notions, but Jacob has a way of getting them to see the light. * If you've ever been in Jacob's presence you know just how powerful he really is. * There is no way anyone would dare stand up to Jacob. They'd be dead in a second. * Jacob's got this county locked down. There's no way they're gonna take him out. * Jacob knows what he's doin'. If he says he's got this bastard covered, I believe him. You know Jacob. He's not gonna give up. * I hear Jacob is furious. We have to try harder. We can't fail the Father. * Jacob's not dead. There's no way. He's too strong to die. * The sacrifice of Jacob must be part of the Father's great plan; we must trust in him. * The guy who killed Jacob. He fucken' cheated. You know Jacob. There's no way he would've lost in a straight up fight. Can't do anything for Jacob, but we can make sure Pratt pays for letting that bastard get away. * Do you think this the father knew about all this? // Of course. It's all part of his plan. // Even losing Jacob? // Do you doubt the Father's visions? // No! Of course not.... it's just... the guys... they have questions.... // Questions? Now's not the time for questions! It's time for action! Do you want to die a sinner? // No! Or course not! // Then get back to your post. The Father needs us now, more than ever! * So what the hell are we going to do now? // What do you mean? // What do I mean? Jacob's dead! That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. // We still have the Father. It's his plan after all. // Sure, but he had Jacob and the others to help. He can't do it all himself. // That's why we're here. We have to step up, do whatever is asked of us. We can't give up, not now. // Yeah, you're right. Especially with what's coming. // Exactly. Get back to your post, this isn't over yet.

Pratt

* Jacob's caught himself a Deputy. I think it's Pratt. Poor bastard, he's not gonna last a day in there. * Deputy Pratt always came off as a bit of a douchebag, but that doesn't mean he deserves what Jacob's doin' to him. * I'd sure hate to be that Deputy Pratt right now. Jacob's gonna rip him to pieces. He tried to arrest his brother for God sake. * Pratt's days are numbered. One of these days Jacob's gonna have him nailed up on some billboard or something just like the others. * I keep thinking about Pratt, and what Jacob's doin' to him. That poor man's brain's gonna be totally fucked. * Can only imagine what it's like to be left in a cage with nothing to eat for days. God, do you think that's what they're doing to that Deputy of yours? Poor bastard. * I don't think that Deputy's gonna live much longer. I hear Jacob's furious and you can be sure who he's gonna take it out on. * Next time you meet your friend Pratt, be careful. Jacob does things... to your mind... he might not be the same person you remember. Don't say I didn't warn you. * Can you fuckin' believe that guy? // Who? // The Deputy. Pratt. He was wanderin' around behind the cages. // What the fuck was he doin' there? // Who the hell knows. Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. // Yeah, he's lucky to be able to put two words together after what Jacob did to him! // Seriously. Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put too much trust in these converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. * I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was. // Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept. // Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again! // It better not. * I just want go out and hunt down the bastard that killed Jacob and beat them to death.//Don't worry. They'll be here soon enough. We've got their buddy Pratt down here. Pretty sure we're next on the list.//Aren't you worried? They were strong enough to take on Jacob...// Fuck 'em. With the number of guards we got here? They'd be crazy to try to take us on. * Good thing Pratt's out man. He was lookin' like a hipster in a bullfight man. * There's not much of the old Deputy Pratt left, Jacob made sure of that. Almost would've been better that he'd died in there.       * Yeah, the Deputy might be free, but I won't say he's okay. No one is okay after they've been through the trials. No one. * Jacob sure did a number on Pratt. Not sure there's much of him left in there. * It's gonna take a while for Deputy Pratt to recover from this... if he ever does.

[tsuki-sennin]

Happy 2022, everyone!

I can't exactly say I look forward to being forced to use Ninpo as an alternative energy source because of certain economy-related internet technology completely fucking us over so that art thieves, corporations, and stupid people can make money, but hey! That's (maybe) September Tsuki's problem for when he's gotta liveblog Kamen Rider Shinobi! Anyhow, it's been a couple of weeks, but it's Revice time!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Yeah, we really kicked their asses, huh?

-Oh wow, it's the Director man. So... I guess Hiromi's not in charge of everything, okay, good to know.

-Oh boy, he's hiding something! I'm trying to act surprised but like... he's a person of authority in a tokusatsu program, I figured out he was evil the moment he came on screen.

-Our boy Julio just barely missing the big picture.

-D-do you really wanna discuss this out in the open like that, Squid Boy?

-Ohhhh, Sakura, you're ok! Good! I guess you didn't wanna see what was in the creepy glowy green basement, and I don't blame you.

-No it's not normal, the hell are you on, gurl?

-Don't bully Buu-san! He has a nebulous job he probably has to go back to soon!

-Oh! Go Tamaki has a friend!

-Ok, Hiromi, I love you, I think you're an amazing character, I love seeing you on screen, but you gotta take a break, man! Like, Daiji and George can take care of things for you. ...well, Daiji can, anyways, I'm not holding my breath for george.

-Oh yeah, apparently Chameleon Man is like an actually notable figure? Played by him, at least. I just assumed he was some guy the casting department pulled off the streets, but he's Japanese comedian Ayumu Kato, who some of you may remember as the "Impossibru" meme guy. I never found it very funny myself, even in my less aware days, but it's aged even more poorly than a lot of things from the dark age of memes that was the early 2010s, and if I were Kato-san, I'd probably just duck out of the media entirely.

-Burning in the flames of hell like a true demon. And for such a noble cause too.

-So that's the Volcano Vistamp. It looks very cool, I like the little knob it has.

-OH I SAW THE CREDITS WE'RE GETTING ANOTHER INSERT SONG?

-Vice real. Everybody run.

-George's train-y hole kinda reminds me of the inside of Satellite Zea. I kinda figured it'd be all dark and stuff like the Sword of Logos's Liberation room.

-Ah, yep, there it is!

-Wow, launching straight into it!

-Ah, Tamaki's a card gamer. Pretty neat. ...I don't recognize what they're playing with but hey!

-Awwwwww, that's where he got his "Smile!" thing!

-HE DIDN'T EVEN BLINK GODDAMN IKKI

-Oh god ow, I can't imagine having something on me snap off like that.

-Rabu, rabu, rabu!

-That's a real dick move Yousuke, but at least you feel bad about it and are willing to atone.

-Wow, that's a real gorgeous shot though. I love that little time shift effect, it kinda reminds me of Kiva's.

-Ehhhh, Dai-chan! Don't you know, we have a chance!

-Ohhhhhhhh, man's mad!

-Ohhh, that's a lot of returning members! God, these villains are fucked up, man.

-Ohhhh boy! Here comes the big fight of the episode!

-NOOOOOO NOT HIROMI YOU FUCK-

-TAMAKI BRO

-Well, crap, he's completely forgotten.

-Gifterians, huh?

-So, does Olteca sometimes disappear into ink because that's what you write a contract in? Pretty clever.

-Boil the fuck out of that egg!

-WE ARE! REVICE!

-What's so hot that it's cool and so cool that it's hot? No poptarts, but evidently Team Revice's Volcano Barid Rex Combo!

-YES HERE COMES THE SONG

-YES!

-YEEEEEES!

-3! 2! 1!

-So, we couldn't save the old lady... that... sucks, not gonna lie...

-Waste that motherfucker, Ikki-nii!

-OH WE HAVE A SECOND STAMP SHEET

-Man, I... hope the hopeful preview for the next episode lasts. Otherwise, we're kind fucked

[elderkale]

all you have to do is breathe. but you could never do that right either, could you?

tell me we’ll never get used to it - all you have to do is breathe. but you could never do that right either, could you?

“Glospin?”

“Theta. How nice of you to join us.”

“Why’re the lights off, what’re you—”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, cousin dear.”

“Glospin, what—oh.”

“Back away, Theta.”

“Glospin, what did you—”

“Ow!”

“Glospin!”

“You’ve stabbed me! You stabbed me!”

“What the hell are you doing? Get up, he—shit.”

“Help! Somebody, help!”

“Stop it!”

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, my god.”

“She stabbed me! She killed him, and she stabbed—”

“I didn’t do this, I just found—”

“Fuck, I can’t feel my fingers—oh, god, I’m faint—”

“Shut up!”

“Get her away from me!”

“Quences, he—”

“It was him—”

“I can’t—”

“I didn’t do this!”

“Stop it!”

“Get her off—fuck!”

“What the hell’ve you done?!”

*

“Hello, Theta.” She glances up at the new man.

“Hello. I like your waistcoat.”

The doctor smooths the wrinkles in it as he sits, placing his notebook on his knee. “Thank you.”

“They won’t let me have a waistcoat,” she says. Her chin is in her hand, elbow propped up on the armrest. It’s an expensive chair—it feels like one, at any rate—and she’s half-afraid her arm will sink into the leather. “Or a suit, for that matter. I’ve asked for one, asked them to bring me one from home, but they keep saying no. Why do you suppose that is?”

“When you say they, are you referring to your family?”

“Lovely weather, isn’t it?” she says, cocking her head in her hand. It’s pouring buckets, and the window panes rattle with every fat droplet.

“I suppose it is,” says the doctor, “if you like the downpour.”

“Rain’s nice,” she says. “Rain’s brilliant.”

He chuckles. “No shortage of that in Cardiff.”

“Love a good rainstorm,” she says. “And there’s always the best puddles afterwards. Mud, too. Love mud. Bad rep.” She frowns. “Too bad.” She glances at him out of the corner of her eye. There’s something written at the top of the page, but she can’t make out what it is. Shorter than a note, longer than the date. “Are you going to tell me that that’s a metaphor?”

“Do you see it as a metaphor?”

She shrugs. “Don’t know. Sounds like something you’re supposed to say.” She drops her arm and rolls her head back, staring up at the ceiling. “Why’s it always got to be a metaphor? Can’t anything just be what it is? Though,” she says, tilting her head from side-to-side, letting it roll across the back of the might-be-be-expensive chair, “I guess things wouldn’t be as interesting, then.” She glances up. The doctor is looking at her, a look of amusement writ across his face. “Sorry, were you talking? Carry on.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he says, still smiling. It’s a bit condescending, that smile, like he’s talking to a child. She wants to smack him.

“You’re supposed to. Maybe. I don’t do this often.”

“These sessions are for us to speak to each other, and for you to help me understand.”

“Understand.”

“You. Your issues.”

“Ah, of course.” She grins. She’s sure it doesn’t reach her eyes. “My issues.”

“You don’t think you have any?”

“Oh, no, I have plenty.”

“Which are?”

“I’m delusional, I suppose,” she says. “Mad? I’m afraid I don’t know the terms. I mauled my cousin, and I’ve been told by various—” she picks at a loose string on the pocket of her jeans, “—irrefutable sources that I stabbed him and killed my great-uncle, too.”

“You don’t believe it.”

“Oh, no.” She smiles pleasantly. “I’m a pacifist, you see.”

“Oh?”

Theta makes a face and leans over the armrest. “Nice courtyard,” she says, peering out the window. “Bit bland, but nice. Cobblestone, very daring, especially in this economy. Are we allowed outside? I think some fresh air would be nice, don’t you? Very good for—” she mimes a deep breath, then twirls her finger beside her head. “You know, clearing the head?” The doctor opens his mouth and she cranes her neck a bit further. “Lovely flowers,” she says. “What are those, daisies? Chrysanthemums? Dianthus caryophyllus?”

“. . . Dandelions.”

All in all, it’s a fantastic waste of time.

*

The thing about time, see, is that it passes. Obviously.

It’s not something she normally has the time (ha) to dwell on. Better things, yeah?

The thing about being shoved into a box is that she fancies she can feel each and every individual second scraping by. It’s grating, the boredom, and she thinks that, if she hadn’t been mad before, she certainly is now.

She’s finished all the books by the second week. She’s exhausted all scenarios of revenge by the third. She’s had two lamps, a chair, and her curtains confiscated by the fourth, and cutlery privileges revoked three days later.

She bursts into hysterical giggles when they come back and search her bedframe and even the pack of cards she hasn’t touched, and gets sedated for her effort.

It’s the first time she’s laughed since Christmas.

*

“Still no Black Sabbath?” asks Manny-with-the-hair.

“Nope.” She grins up at him, strumming a G.

He shakes his head, and his hair flops around his shoulders. It’s a fascinating thing to see from upside-down. “Shameful,” he tuts. “What’s this, then?”

She plucks a D. “Brahms.”

He watches her swallow her medication, and she waves him off with a grin. She spits out the pill the second the door shuts, wrinkling her nose as she wipes her tongue on the back of her sleeve.

She unwinds the axe that night, and cuts through the paint on her window with the tip of the D string. She picks the lock with E and B, and swings to the ground with the help of her bedclothes and G. She leaves the body on her bed with a smiley face drawn in black marker below the bridge.

She doesn’t get far. But that’s not the point.

*

“You’ve escaped twice this past month, Theta.”

“I’ve been caught twice,” she corrects. “On an unrelated note, I’m playing at a pub in Riverside next Thursday, so don’t be too disappointed when I don’t show up for our appointment.”

He gives her an admonishing look. “Theta.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” she sighs. “I lied. It’s on Tuesday. Hey, you should stop by!”

“You haven’t been speaking with any other patients.”

“You’re not going to tell me that I’m antisocial, are you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, Theta.” He leans forward. “It’s not good, to isolate yourself.”

“It’s not good for me to be locked up,” she counters, “but you still do it anyway.”

He ignores her. “You’ve only got one person on your visitor’s list. Isn’t there anyone else you’d like to add?”

She shrugs. There’s a ragged part of the armrest where she’s been putting her elbow, and she picks at the cracking leather with her nail. “Not that I can think of.”

“The number of people you keep denying says otherwise.” She ignores him. She slides lower in her seat and glances out the window. It’s sunny, ridiculously so, and the light bounces off the window and back into her eyes, making her wince.

She rubs the edge of her jumper between her thumb and forefinger. The wool is worn and growing threadbare. “Don’t wanna see.”

He tilts his head. She sees him ready his pen. “They don’t want to see you? Or you don’t want to see them?”

“Bit socially awkward, me,” she says over him, twisting a loose curl of purple yarn around her finger. “Wouldn’t know what to say. Not much to talk about. I think I’d just—” She waves her hand. “Make a weird noise and drift off. No point in them making the trip for that.”

“That’s just an excuse, Theta, and I think you and I both know it.”

“Excuses are just reasons you don’t like.” She shrugs. “Anyways.”

“Yes?” She shrugs again. He switches tactics. “Tell me about your family.”

She raises an eyebrow. “I thought you were supposed to be subtle.”

“You don’t respond to subtlety,” he says frankly.

“Eh.”

“You don’t get on with them.”

“Gold star!” she proclaims. “That doctorate is well-earned, I see.”

“Your relationships are strained. How did that happen?” Silence. He tries again. “What sets you apart from them, Theta?”

She groans. “My grandfather made his fortune digging up rocks,” she says. “My brother made his carving them into octopi with boobs. My father wasted his on his woes and exotic cheese. Meanwhile, I live in a loony bin and have no money. Happy?”

“Not particularly.”

“Hm. Shame.”

*

She spreads the envelopes out in front of her like a puzzle. The edges and corners slot together, just, and she runs her fingers over the gaps in her mosaic of correspondence. The paper is rough, just enough to bump and drag against her skin, and she runs her fingertips along the scalloped edges of the stamps.

There’s quite a number of them—not as much as she’d thought, but still more than she’d expected. She sees a magazine she doesn’t remember taking out a subscription for, and a handful of letters addressed in a familiar cramped scrawl.

She relishes the dig of hard edges into her hand as she balls each one of them up and drops them in the bin.

*

“You can’t keep doing this, Theta.”

“I’m insane,” she says with a smile that was all teeth and no warmth. “I can do what I want.”

“You’re not, and you know it.”

Brax looks conspicuously out-of-place, washed-out and sickly, beneath the dingy fluorescent lighting. The maroon of his suit stands out like a sore thumb against the stained yellow of his seat.

Theta nudges a pawn forwards. “Really? I don’t know, everyone else seems pretty insistent on it.”

Brax barely spares the board a glance as he picks up his knight. He taps the base of the plastic piece against each square, and Theta scowls. “It’s this or prison, and—”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” She scowls, slamming another pawn down. Brax glances down his nose at it, and shifts it closer to the centre of the square. “My sincerest apologies. How selfish of me to forget about your reputation when there’s a murderer walking free.”

He captures her queen and places it on his side of the rickety table, lining it up with her other fallen pieces. She glares at the board for a moment, then moves a piece at random. Brax lets out a long-suffering sigh that makes her want to punch him, and corrects its course. “This is a situation, Theta, and, as usual, you’ve done nothing to help alleviate it.”

“Far be it for your best speeches to be wasted in a hospital sitting room.” She sinks lower into her seat and stretches out her legs. Her scuffed trainers bump against the polished toes of his shoes and he shoots her a look promising nothing short of bloody vengeance before moving them out of the way.

“Petulance won’t help you.”

“Oh, no,” she says monotonously. “My great plan has been foiled.”

“They’ve told me that you’ve been escaping.”

“It’s not that hard, after the first few times,” she says. She kicks the seat of his chair. Thump thump thump. His eye twitches. “You should try it sometime. I’m sure you’d look lovely in a straightjacket.”

“Theta.” She throws her hands into the air.

“I’m going mad, Irving,” she spits, “madder than usual, and this is not my fault! Fuck’s sake, I didn’t kill him!”

“I’d stop shouting, if I were you,” he says drily. There’s a nurse glaring at her from the corner, and she makes sure she sees her stick her tongue out at her before turning back to her brother.

Brax shifts a bishop forwards. Theta stares at it, then reluctantly moves a pawn into the empty space. The sleeves of the stolen jumper are just a bit too long and loose, covering her hands, and the dangling ends knock a piece over. Brax straightens it. “How are the elections?” she asks. He ignores her, and captures the pawn. “Oh, am I not allowed to ask? Or are those over? It’s just so hard to keep track of things in here.”

“Theta.”

She cocks her head. “What about the funeral?” He glowers at her.

“Which one?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

He lets out a hiss of annoyance. “Haven’t you read a single letter?”

She lets out a long, drawn-out sigh. “It’s just so hard, you know?” she says. “To hear about things and know I won’t be able to take part?” She flutters her eyelashes. He looks nauseous. “Solitary confinement’s considered a form of torture, you know.”

“Glospin’s dead.”

She blinks slowly. Then again. When she opens her eyes for the third time, she’s still watching him. She leans forward and captures a rook. His eyes flick down to the board for a fraction of a second, then back again. “My condolences,” she says slowly.

“And mine.” He sounds almost bitter.

“Open casket?” she asks innocently.

She thinks he might have cracked his bishop. “Cremation,” he says with a glare.

“Conservative.” She nods. “Nice. Were there cocktails at the reception?”

He slams his knight into check and stands, straightening his suit. “Koschei Oakdown wants to be put on your visitor’s list,” he says shortly, doing up the buttons of his jacket. “I’ve denied it for you.”

She twists the corner of the jumper. “Thanks.”

“Lovely seeing you. Don’t get well soon. And read the letters, will you?” He slings his coat over his shoulder and then he’s gone, the door slowly swinging shut behind him. Not quite as dramatic as she thinks he was aiming for, but they’re not allowed to have slamming doors.

Her captured pieces are neatly lined up across from her like an army of ghosts, the remaining ones pinpricks across a board dominated by black. Her handful of hostages are scattered across the table, sad and pitiful in comparison.

She grabs her king and hurls it to the ground.

The floor is carpeted. It lands without a sound.

[qqueenofhades]

I saw your post on the partisan lines drawn in the Trump impeachment case. Has congress always been this dysfunctional or is this a relatively new thing? Things feel very hopeless.

Aha. Aha. Ahaaaa. Hah.

I’ll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue, or in this case, American political dysfunction. As with many tales of recent American political dysfunction, this one starts with… Ronald Reagan!

(Man, Hilary, do you really hate Ronald Reagan that much? Answer: Yes, yes I do. Especially since public opinion has moved to ranking him as one of the greatest presidents ever, even Democrats tiptoe around criticizing him, and he is responsible for so much of the shit we are presently in! So much!)

For the younglings amongst us, Reagan was Trump before Trump was Trump: a popular actor who dodged out of service in WWII by making heroic propaganda films, found politics, ran as a Republican and almost swiped the nomination out from Ford in 1976, then ran again in 1980 and beat Jimmy Carter in a landslide. Reagan was, as we’ve discussed, a huge fan of voodoo economics, deregulation, ignoring the AIDS crisis, and massively pumping up the American military mythos and dangerously aggravating the Cold War. In the early 1980s, as the Soviet Union was collapsing from within and could barely feed its own citizens, Reagan was out there hyping it up as the most Terrible and Evil foe that America had ever faced anywhere, which therefore justified a giant surge in military spending and preparation for apparently imminent doomsday. Reagan was positive the commies were everywhere, especially in Central America, and had to be defeated. They were apparently particularly in Grenada (see the 1983 invasion of Grenada) and Nicaragua (the Sandinistas; remember them, they will be important.) The US/CIA has been absolutely shamefully imperialist and interventionist in Latin America for decades, but these were just a few of Ronald’s favorite things. All of this may sound like a diversion just to bag on him some more, because fuck that guy, but I promise, there’s a point.

See, the key difference between Reagan and Trump was that Reagan was nicknamed the “Great Communicator.” Unlike the barely literate Orange One, the Gipper sure could tell a great story, and by golly, he did not let the facts get in the way. He was also a huge advocate of untrammeled power for the executive branch. One thing that Reagan was not a fan of was informing Congress in any measure of what he was doing. The Iran-Contra scandal, which really should have destroyed Reagan’s administration in any just world and also gotten him impeached, was the revelation that he was running friggin’ illegal arms sales to Iran (in the name of freeing exactly seven American hostages who Iran never had any intention of releasing), arming right-wing anti-communist paramilitaries in Nicaragua with the proceeds, and had told Congress about exactly jack shit of any of this! Reagan was basically running his own private empire/byzantine weapons deals/fiefdom/whatever the goddamn hell he wanted, he was a big believer in the president never having to explain himself to anyone or ask permission for anything, while conducting illegal private wars, lying constantly, wrecking the economy, giving tax breaks to billionaires, constantly running off at the mouth about a mostly fictional enemy, and getting credit for ending the Cold War after he nearly single-handedly turned it hot. Sound familiar?

It may help to explain the extended nightmare of the last several Republican administrations if you remember that they were/are basically one mutated Frankenadministration. Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld,  and others – aka all the later major players under George Bushes Sr. and Jr. – were all high-level Cabinet members of Reagan’s administration. This was all just part of one policy put into place by the same people at every chance they got when they were in power, and that was focused on making the (Republican) president basically able to do whatever he wanted. That checks and balances stuff, man, who needs that? As a result, Congress was deliberately designed to be either totally minimized/outright ignored (if held by the opposing party) or a slavish organ of lockstep devotion (if held by the Republicans). This was not always the case. When the Republicans won it back under Reagan in the 1980s, the Senate had been under Democratic control for almost 30 years. There were bumps, obviously, but there was still some sense that the legislative and the executive branches were both vital for government and should work together.

…yeah, so. Reagan junked all that, basically. When W. got to the White House, he then had 9/11 barely 9 months into his presidency, which meant that for a while, he also could do pretty much whatever and no one in either the House or Senate, regardless of party, really dared to oppose him for fear of looking anti-American. This was concurrent with the Republican Party abandoning even a pretense that they were interested in anyone besides rich white (nominally) Christian men. (The religious right also acquired its modern connotations/voting force under, you guessed it, Reagan!) Hence, they were absolutely furious when a brown Democrat with the middle name Hussein won the election in 2008. Mitch McConnell then decided before Obama was even sworn in that the congressional Republicans just flat-out weren’t going to cooperate with anything he did. Didn’t matter what. They were going to obstruct anything and everything, so Obama wouldn’t be able to deliver on his flagship campaign promises and the blame would fall on him. The Republicans were dead-set on making Obama a one-term president, again, before he had even set foot in the White House. Democrats also controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of Obama’s presidency, so this didn’t immediately matter. But then came 2010 and the Tea Party wave, and now the Republicans had a majority, and they did exactly as promised. They blocked everything. Consistently. No matter what.

We mentioned Merrick Garland before. I’m still mad about Merrick Garland. Mitch McConnell outright refused to hold any hearings to confirm Obama’s perfectly legitimate Supreme Court pick for almost eighteen months, betting on a Republican to win the 2016 election and do so instead, and he got away with it. That is why we have Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavarapist on the court right now. The Republicans have proven that they don’t give a damn about public welfare or any pretense of public morality or…. well, anything whatsoever except making themselves richer and more powerful. As bad as Trump is, he could still be out if the congressional GOP had any morals, backbone, willingness to go against their toxic lockstep ideology for the good of the country, or anything. Except… they don’t. They have voted time and again to enable him, shield him from prosecution, and support his plans, because as long as he’s in office, they’re doing well off the gravy train. I really cannot overstate how sociopathic and cowardly these people are. And half the country is still willing to vote for them!

So…. yes. The answer is, Congress, especially the Republican Congress, has been deliberately designed to act exactly like this since the 1980s, and it’s doing exactly what it means to. As to whether that is going to change, you, me, and the rest of America are the only ones who can decide that, and do that, you absolutely must, MUST vote, and not for them.

[oskea93]

Think of You: Part 9

Warning: Language. Nikki and Caroline angst,  Tom and Caroline cuteness

A/N: ENJOY! 

** LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED**

___________________________________________________________

I hadn’t heard from Nikki in three weeks.

I tried to keep myself busy with work, trying not to think about why he hasn’t called or even came over to see me. I can’t tell you how many times I had dialed his number, only to hang up right after the first ring. The phone of course worked both ways. He could have called me just to see how I was doing. I thought about going over to the apartment he shared with Tommy. I would talk myself into doing it but quickly chicken out before I could leave. I guess you could say I was being as stubborn as he was. I could have been the bigger person, apologizing for the way I had acted, but Nikki could have done that as well. At this point I wasn’t sure if I would ever see or speak to Nikki again. I couldn’t confide in Mac about Nikki and I’s fight. Hell, I haven’t seen or spoken to her in about a week. She was off with her new boyfriend, some yuppie guy from San Francisco.

I aimlessly flicked through the TV channels, not interested in anything that was on. This was what my life had consisted of for the past week. I would come home from work, grade some papers, work on my lesson plans, and then sit on the couch and watch TV. There were even times where I would fall asleep in front of the TV and wake up to the National Anthem playing. My life was once again boring and I was back to my lame, boring self once again. During the few months that Nikki and I were together, I felt different. I didn’t feel as if I was boring, even though Nikki would say I was at times. I felt more alive, more rebellious, not so much the timid Caroline I once was. He made me feel as if I was another person and I liked that.

I was in mid channel flip when someone started knocking on the front door. I slowly removed myself from the couch and staggered toward the door.

“Miss Caroline Daniels?” An older man with a chauffer’s uniform asked.

I looked at him confused, “Yes.” I answered. I watched as he pulled an envelope out of his suit jacket. “These are for you, ma’am.” I continued to look at him confused as I took the envelope out his hand.

“First class tickets to Fort Lauderdale, Florida?” I questioned. I looked up at the driver, a smile present on his face. “Do you have the right person? Surely there’s another Caroline Daniels out in Southern California that is needing these tickets right now.” I rambled. The driver continued to smile. “I’m pretty sure you have the wrong person, mister.” I stretched my hand back out to give him the tickets.

He shook his head no, “I have strict orders from Mr. Doc McGee to give these tickets to you and you only.”

Doc McGee, the band’s manager. “I-” I started to speak. “I can’t accept this, sir. I have to work and-” I stumbled. “I just can’t go.” My hand remained outstretched, trying to get him to take the tickets back. I wasn’t lying when I said I had to work. The next few weeks were going to be very busy for me seeing as it was nearing the end of the school year. My students were gearing up for testing and me flying out to Florida last minute would not be good. I had an obligation and Nikki Sixx was not one of them right now. Maybe if he contacted me himself, then maybe I would consider it.

The driver hesitantly accepted the tickets, giving me a ‘are you sure’ look.

I cleared my throat, “Just let Doc know that I appreciate the gesture but right now’s not the best time.” He nodded his head, wishing me well, before making his way down the stairs. I re-entered my apartment, shutting the door behind me and leaned against the aged wood. A thousand thoughts were rushing through my mind, one of the thoughts revolving around the possibility of seeing Nikki and how I just ruined that opportunity. What if it was Nikki’s idea to send me out to Florida? If it was his idea, he was going to be super pissed that I turned the offer down.

Without giving it another thought, I tore open the front door, finding the older man about to get into the limo. “Mister!” I exclaimed. I raced down the metal stairs, barefoot, looking as if I had just lost my mind. “Mister, wait!” I yelled. He turned around, the tickets still in his hand.

“Ma’am.” He questioned. This poor man probably thought I was off my rocker.

“I’ll g-.” I tried to catch my breath. “I’ll go.” I told him breathlessly. A smile formed across his face as he handed me the tickets. “How much time do I have to pack.” I asked still somewhat out of breath.

He looked down at his gold watch, “30 minutes, miss.” I could feel my eyes bug out of my head at his answer. I hadn’t even showered for the day and now I only had 30 minutes to pack and shower. I quickly ran back up the stairs, tearing open my door, and running straight to the shower. I showered and shaved my legs in record time, even though I nicked my poor legs all to pieces. I left my hair to air-dry, throwing on a simple top and shorts. I dug my dusty suitcase out of my closet, discarding the leftover items on my unmade bed. I started throwing in random items of clothing. Shirts, dresses, shorts, shoes, cosmetics, etc. At this point, I didn’t know what I had packed but it would have to do at this point. I made sure that all electrical items were unplugged and that my stove was turned off.

“Let’s do this, Caroline.”

First off, my first-time flying was an absolute nightmare. I always thought first class was some magical place like they show on movies and tv shows. I thought I would be treated with the upmost respect and be given anything I wanted. Well- that was big negative nelly on that part. As soon as I boarded the flight, the stewardess asked if I was sitting in the right section. I had to physically show her my ticket, and even then, she looked at me like I was lying. The people were sat around me were rude, upper class people that looked at me like the stewardess had. If it was going to be this much of a hassle, I would have traded in my ticket for economy class.

Another thing was the turbulence was awful. I thought I was on the verge of dying in a plane crash multiple times. The people around me acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but I wasn’t a pro flyer like most of these people. I was so happy to finally touch down in Fort Lauderdale 5 hours later. The sun was slowly starting to set and it created a beautiful glow across the city. As the plane skidded onto the runway, my nerves started to get the best of me. What if Nikki is mad that I just randomly showed up? Maybe Doc told him that I was coming. Maybe it was Nikki’s idea all along. I had so many thoughts swirling through my head that it was making me dizzy.

I de-boarded the plane and went off to search for my luggage. I had no idea who was picking me up or where I was going at this point. The driver back in LA said nothing about a hotel or who was driving me where once I landed in Fort Lauderdale. I looked like a stray dog, wandering around the street, looking for an owner. As I made my way toward the exit, I could see different people lined up holding signs with people’s names written on them. Most of the signs read last names only, but none of them had Daniels or Caroline written on them. I had no idea how to get a hold of Doc, Nikki, or anyone for that matter.

I was almost on the verge of tears as I took a seat near the ticket counter. Maybe it WAS a big mistake to come out here. I should have known that something like this would happen. What was I going to do now? I had enough money to buy another plane ticket back home, but who’s to say they had another flight tonight back to LA? I would have to get a hotel and spend the night in a city that I was very unfamiliar with.

“Caroline!” A man’s voice called out. “Caroline!”

I looked over my shoulder and saw Tom Zutaut making his way towards me. I quickly wiped away the tears that had been falling and gathered my things. Even though I barely knew the guy, I was so excited to see him. I was so excited to see Tom that as soon as he was within arm’s reach, I wrapped my arms around his neck and almost squeezed the life out him.

“I’ve never been so happy to see someone in my whole life.” I muttered as I hugged him. I felt his chest move as he let out a laugh, wrapping his long arms around my waist.

“It’s good to see you too.” He laughed. I released him from my hold, standing to face the towering man. “So-. “He started. “How was the flight.”

I let out a sigh, explaining to him the whole ordeal with the stewardess, passengers, and the God-awful turbulence. He just stood there smiling the whole time as I expressed my distaste of flying. I probably sounded like a raging lunatic, over dramatizing the situation.

“So, you ready to go?” He asked, taking one of my bags. I let out a sigh, mentally asking myself if I really was ready. “Yeah-”I sighed. “I’m ready…”

“SO-“  I began. “How’s everything been going?”

Tom looked over at me, a smile adorned of his face. “Fine.” He spoke. “The guys have been killing it every night. The fans really love them.” I couldn’t help but smile as well. Nikki had expressed to me a couple times that he was worried that people wouldn’t like them once they went out on the road. You would never think by looking at him that he cared what people thought of him or his music, but he cared greatly. 

“Nikki’s been writing new songs for the next album. They seem pretty damn good.” My heart began to beat faster at the mention of Nikki’s name.

“How’s he been doing?” I asked.

Tom looked down at his lap and then back to me, “He’s living his best rock star life.” He chuckled. “Partying all night and sleeping all day.” A smile formed on my face at the mention of Nikki enjoying himself. “It looks like we’ve arrived.” Tom muttered, changing the subject. I looked out the dark window as the hotel came into view. The building was a bit older but looked pretty surrounded by all the manicured palm trees and bushes. The car came to a stop in front of the entrance, “You ready?” Tom asked. I looked at him, feeling panic start to engulf my body. “Are you okay?” He asked concerned. The door suddenly opened, revealing the smiling driver.

“Does he know I’m here?” I blurted out. “Does Nikki know I’m here?”

Tom scratched the back of his shaggy head, shaking his head no in the process. “He has no clue.” He stated. “Doc wanted it to be a surprise.” I should have known.

A million thoughts ran through my mind as Tom gave one last look before getting out if the limo. “It’s gonna be okay, Caroline.” He tried to assure me. “Trust me.” He smiled, reaching out his hand for me to take. I hesitated for a second before accepting his awaiting limb. The humid South Florida air enveloped me as the driver helped retrieve my bags from the trunk. I quietly thanked him before following Tom into the building. The inside felt almost as stuffy as it did outside, causing my clothes to stick to me even more. I instantly went to the check-in counter so I could get a room for the night or two. 

“Caroline.” Tom’s voice sounded. I looked up from my purse, “Yeah?” I asked confused. He was looking at me even more confused.

“What are you doing?” He questioned as he came over to where I was standing. I explained to him that I was going to get a room for the night. Since he didn’t say anything about a room, I figured that I would have to purchase my own.

He started to smile, “You’re sharing a room with Nikki.” My eyes widened at this revelation. “That’s okay, isn’t it? Doc and I figured it would be okay.” He explained. I slowly nodded my head as I placed my wallet back into my purse. I gave the clerk a small, apologetic smile, before turning and following Tom towards the elevators.

“Nikki and the guys are staying on the 6th floor.” He stated as he pressed the metal button. “Hopefully he’s in his room-” He checked his watch. “He’s usually in there writing new material or reading some kind of book.” I stayed silent as I waited for the elevator doors to open. Once the doors did open, my heart rate escalated. With each step we took, the more nervous I got.

We finally stopped in front of solid, wood door with the number 612 printed above the peephole. “Here we are.” Tom sang. My hands were sweating at this point as I tried to fix my clothes and fluff my hair out a bit. I could have used some time to clean up but there was no use at this point. I watched as Tom’s hand connected with the wood, knocking three times before stepping back. We stayed silent, waiting for Nikki to open the door. After a few seconds, Tom knocked again but there still no answer. “Weird.” He muttered. After another minute or so, he pulled a set of keys of his pocket. I watched as he placed the key in the lock, unlocking Nikki’s hotel room.

“Doc and I have keys to each of the guys’ rooms-” He began to explain. “You know just in case we need to get in for some reason.” I stayed silent as I followed his lead into Nikki’s room. First off, the room was an absolute wreck. Nikki’s clothes were scattered all over the place, there was empty food containers on the counter, along with waded up pieces of paper. Not to mention, the room was hotter than hades and smelled like sweat and alcohol. “What a mess.”

Tom let out a laugh, “You think this is bad, you should see Tommy and Vince’s room.” If it was worse than Nikki’s, then I think I would pass. I hesitantly placed my bags on a clean patch of carpet before taking a seat on the unmade bed. “So-” Tom began. “I’m gonna go find out where Nikki and the guys are and I’ll be back to get you. Okay?” I nodded my head. This little time to myself would give me time to freshen up a bit and not look so haggard. I waited until Tom closed the door before I started looking through my suitcase for a new outfit. I stepped over the clothes and trash as I walked toward the bathroom sink. I splashed warm water on my face, wiping away the grime with a clean washcloth (at least I hope it was clean).

I began to strip out of my clothes, leaving me in my mix-match bra and underwear. I was never the type of girl who wore sexy undergarments. I had underwear that had the days of the week on the backside, if that tells you anything about me. I walked over to where my suitcase was laying and started retrieving the clothes.

“Caroline, I found th- Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Tom’s voice had turned from relaxed to pure panic in the matter of seconds. I hurriedly picked up the towel that was laying on the floor, covering up my exposed body. Tom’s back was to me, “I am so, so sorry, Caroline. I should have knocked. Oh God, I am so sorry.” He continued to apologize.

I couldn’t help but start laughing. I was a little embarrassed at first but it was suddenly hilarious to me. It’s not like he saw me completely naked, I was covered in the important areas. “Are you okay?” Tom asked confused. “Oh God, are you crying?” He quickly turned around, a confused look adorning his face. “What’s so funny?”

I was laughing so hard that I really was on the verge of tears. “You should have seen your face.” I spoke between laughs. “I’m sorry for laughing but that was hilarious.”

Tom stood there awkwardly, “I- uh, I’m gonna let you finish getting uh, getting dressed.” I watched as he started to walk out of the room. “Just come out when you’re done, okay?”

“Okay.” I stated. I was starting to feel bad for laughing. I didn’t know Tom that well but I could tell her was a relatively shy and reserved guy. By the way he was acting, he was genially embarrassed for walking in on me. I was gonna have to apologize to him for laughing at him.

I quickly re-dressed, choosing a floral, spaghetti strapped dress with my Jellies. I left my hair down, teasing it up a little to add more volume since the humidity had other plans. Finally, applying foundation and a little bit of eye shadow. I took a quick look in the mirror before stepping out of the room, rejoining a still embarrassed Tom in the hallway.

We both started to speak, saying each other’s names in unison. “You go first.” I told him.

He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry I walked in on you. I really should have knocked or maybe just told you through the door.” He was still acting like he had just committed a serious crime.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, “It’s really okay, Tom.” I explained. “No harm, no fowl.” I smiled. “And, I’m sorry for laughing at you. I guess I was shocked by what happened and then I saw the look on your face. You were panicked and I should have reacted better.” A small smile formed on his face. “Truce?”

I placed my hand out for him to shake. He looked down at my hand, “Truce.” He placed his larger hand in mine, shaking off the incident. “Now-“ He started. “Let’s go find the guys.”  

Tom led me out to the pool area where the hotel guest were lounging in the sun and splashing around in the pool.

“Zutaut!” A man’s voice rang out, causing those around to look in that person’s direction.

“Oooh, Zutaut is getting him so pussy!” Another voice sounded. I knew it had to be the guys of Motley, luckily not Nikki’s.

“He’ll get that pussy after I’ve had my way with it first.” Nikki’s familiar voice finally sounded. My stomach kind of dropped at his comment. He had no idea that it was me standing behind Tom, meaning that he was more than willing to have sex with some random stranger. Does that mean he’s been sleeping with people behind my back? Before Tom could introduce my arrival, I stepped out from behind him, Nikki’s face instantly falling.

The guys stayed silent for a moment, Tommy looking between Nikki and I. “Hey.” I muttered. Nikki’s face was stone as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose. “Do we know her?” I heard Vince whisper to Tommy. Tommy slowly nodded his head, explaining who I was.

“Why is she here, Zutaut?” Nikki finally spoke. His hidden eyes burning holes into my soul as he remained seated in the poor chair.

“I was invited.” I decided to speak up. “Doc and Tom invited me.” I could see Tom shuffling nervously next to me as Nikki remained silent.

“Surprise.” Tom muttered, a small smile forming on his face.

Nikki’s face remained unchanged, the others looking in his direction with smirks on their faces. Even though it’s only been a couple weeks, Nikki looked different. I noticed he know had tattoos etched onto his arms, one being the name of the band. His hair was darker, his skin a bit more paler, and a massive chip was now planted on his shoulder.

“I like her.” Vince spoke, pulling his sunglasses down to look at me fully. I shuffled uncomfortably in my place, moving towards Tom in order to hide from his glare. Everything about this whole situation was making me uncomfortable and making me regret my decision to even come here. Nikki didn’t look the least bit thrilled to see me, almost as if he was wishing me away in his mind. His band mates were making me nervous, and it was hotter than hades outside. I was ready to be back in California in the seclusion of my tiny apartment.

“Sixx-” Tommy’s voice rang out. “Aren’t you gonna welcome your girl to Florida?” A huge smile was planted on his face. “I’m sure Lisa would like that.”

My head snapped to look at Tommy, my eyes growing wide. My name wasn’t Lisa, it’s freaking Caroline! Was there a Lisa? “Caroline.” Nikki and I said in unison. I looked at him, watching as he finished the rest of his beer, before staggering out of the poor chair. “Her name is Caroline, asshole.” He walked past them, grabbing my hand in the process, taking us in the direction of the motel. We both stayed silent as we walked, Nikki’s thumb softly rubbing against my own. We soon made it to the familiar door as Nikki removed his key from his pocket to unlock the door.

“It’s already unlocked.” I spoke. Nikki looked at me, confusion written on his face. “Tom let me in so I could put my stuff in there and so I could freshen up.” Nikki remained silent, staying still for a moment, before shaking his head and opening the door. I know that it was a surprise for me to just show up without him knowing, but he was acting like a real jerk right now. I wasn’t the one who came up with the idea. A part of me thought that he would be over the moon to see me, especially after what happened the last time we saw each other.

Once we were both in the room, standing on opposite sides of the bed, Nikki released his frustrations on me.

“Why are you here, Caroline?” He breathed out. I looked down at the ground, unable to make eye contact with him. “I was invited.” I muttered. I had no other answer to that question. “I thought you would be happy to see me.” He removed his sunglasses, throwing them on the bedside table.

He let out a sigh, rubbing his hand down his face, “If I wanted you to come out here, I would have invited you myself. Doc and Tom had no fucking right to in-“

“Stop being such an asshole!” I cut him off, bravery taking over my small frame. “I made the decision to take this offer because I missed you. I wanted to apologize for the way I acted and I was hoping you would do the same.” He remained silent. “I know I don’t fit into the whole rock star lifestyle but I’m willing to do anything to be with you, Nikki. Hell, I flew in an airplane so I could come and see you. I can’ say I would do that for anyone else and then here you are treating me like I’m a piece of trash on the street.”

I waited for him to say something back but he just stood there, keeping his eyes trained on the floor. The silence in the room was deafening, making me grow even more uncomfortable. “Can you please just say something!” I yelled. “Just talk to me.”

He slowly lifted his gaze from the floor, his green eyes drilling eyes through my body. “I fucking love you-“ He started. “I fucking love you and that’s the reason I bought you that fucking house.” His voice growing louder. “I worked my ass off to buy you that house and to have you say no, that fucking hurt.” I knew that he was upset about me refusing to move in with him, but I didn’t know he was this upset. “I’m not the type of person who lets people in right away. If you were just some girl I wanted to have sex with, I would have left you already and moved onto the next girl.” I watched as he began walking towards me. “I care so much about you that it’s scaring the shit out of me. You’re the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about and I have no idea how to be a good boyfriend or partner. Yeah, I bought a house without talking to you first, but I wanted it to be a surprise and I thought our relationship was ready for that type of surprise.” He was now standing in front of me, towering over my much shorter frame.

He intertwined his fingers with mine, “You are the only girl I ever want to be with. You’re the only girl I ever think about. I want you to move in with me and be there when I get back from tour. I want to wake up next to you every morning or afternoon or whenever we decide to get up.” I couldn’t help but chuckle as a tear trailed down my face. “Please-“ He brought my hand up to his lips, kissing the back of my hand. “Caroline, please move in with me.”

I remained silent, staring into his eyes, so many thoughts running through my head. “Okay.���

Looking back, I really should have thought more on that decision….

@triplehaitches @ithinkimhardcore @jonesie32 @theabductionofpersephone @sighsophiia @knockemdeadgirl @haileynicoleseavey17​ @lauravic​ @primal-screamer​ @divaanya​ @fandomshit6000​ @unknownoblivion​ @sinningsixx​ @sparxx27​ @vousmemanqueez​ @xwhitewalkerx​

[edorazzi]

Well, here we are again! Twitter said yes to a review post for a Miraculous magazine that suddenly showed up in my local area. ‘Tis the season after all, and by that I mean someone bought it for me as a joke birthday gift and I was way too happy about that.

I’ve done previous reviews of the Miraculous Christmas calendar, Easter egg set, superhero fashion dolls and action figures, so let’s dive into the unknown world of merchandising yet again!

(As always, if you enjoy my posts, please consider checking out my Twitter page or supporting me on Patreon for lots of bonus content!)

4 FREE GIFTS! PACKED WITH ACTIVITIES! MEET THE KWAMIS! PRANKS & LOLS! CUT-OUT MEMES! FANGIRL ALERT! NAIL ART! 100% OFFICIAL! I’m overwhelmed! It feels like I’m having a seizure just from the packaging!!! 

I should preface this by saying I haven’t bought a magazine like this in years. Possibly ever. I read things like the Beano, Animals & You and the odd Disney Princess zine when I was a kid but I have no idea what to expect from a free-gift-packed kiddie magazine in 2019. If the outside is anything to go by we’re in for a wild ride.

I’m noticing that it says “Miraculous #20″ on the back. Does this mean I’ve missed 19 previous issues? I’m genuinely a little upset by that. My local area is a complete dry zone for Miraculous so I haven’t had the chance to pick these up.

First step: let’s separate everything out and get a look at these freeeee giftssss. Except they aren’t free, because this magazine was like £3.99. This does seem to be the current trend - it’s kinda rare to see any kids’ zines without the excess packaging crammed with ‘free’ stuff. Is it really too expensive to just produce the magazine? Probably, in this economy.

Chat Noir is revealed on the cover! He was on the back of the plastic jacket, but it’s still nice to see the kids as a front-cover duo. Apparently we’re going to learn to draw Pollen, too, which sounds fun. I’m actually liking the look of the gifts as well, but we’ll get into those in a minute.

This hairbrush............. is adorable. Oh my god. It’s pretty cheap and flimsy but it functions the way it’s supposed to, and the Ladybug design has been taken into account in a better way than “it’s red/black, that counts” (lest we forget the UTTER BULLSHIT of the Christmas calendar, and YES I’m still mad about that). I don’t know how well I expect the outer sticker to last, but if it can take a bit of wear and tear this would be an adorable little travel brush. Nicely done, lads!

These nail stickers? Also adorable. They remind me of the kiddie makeup sets I had when I was little, back in the early 00s when plastic stick-on nails and decals were all the rage. Are they still a thing? That’s nice to know.

There are 13 designs (that I can count) - a Queen Bee mask, Chat Noir pawprint cake, macaron, cupcake, heart-print cookie, Ladybug stud, flower, lightning bolt, love heart, Marinette heart, bee, fox tail and star. The majority are directly related to the show and that makes them feel special. No Carapace though? :(

I’ve put a little Marinette heart on my furthest finger. At the time of typing this up (about a day later) it’s still firmly in place. I haven’t really knocked it around, granted, but it’s not flimsy enough to fall off after five minutes either. It’s also really cute to look at. Guess I’m still a decal-loving 2004 girl at heart......

These stickers though!!! Wow! They’re those holographic and slightly-puffy kind and they feel like pretty good quality, and the designs are so cute! I can’t fault these, they’re absolutely adorable. I immediately want to stick them everywhere.

So I’ve stuck them everywhere. I’m especially proud of the light switch pun. My room looks GREAT.

I saved these “mystery stickers” for last because I’m weak for the thrill of mystery bags, and there wasn’t anything on the packaging to indicate what kind of designs to expect. And OH!!!! OH, IT’S MY BOY!!!! Look at him!!!! 

I made jokes with the Christmas calendar about all the Chat Noir items being stolen ahead of time, but that’s definitely NOT the case with this magazine. I have been SPOILED with the presence of my cat son.

These stickers are similar to the sticker sheet (and the Chillin’ Out design is reprinted), but they’re puffier and non-holographic. I’m deeply allured by the “decorate your phone or tablet” suggestion on the packet, but I’m going to see how the previous stickers withstand the wear-and-tear of my laptop lid before adding any more. If I damage these beautiful Adrien stickers I’ll be devastated.

Those are our free gifts! They’re actually very fun and cute, I’m really happy with them! I guess now it’s time to get into the magazine itself...........

I genuinely almost forgot the magazine was the main part of this package. I figured I was done, but we’ve barely even started! Here’s a splash page of the kwami. Kwami with a capital K? Kwamis? I still feel like it should be singular-lower-case-k-kwami. I’ve never been happy about this “miraculouses” business either.

But is that--

It IS!!!! It’s Nino!!! 

I guess this is the new flavour of Miraculous tie-ins. Now they’ve broadened out to a full team we’re seeing a lot more of Adrien alongside the girls, and Nino is the elusive hero who shows up once in a blue moon. At least this time his name isn’t in the title of the gotdam show.......

Anyway, I can see I’m supposed to draw my “fave Kwami”. Better get to it.

Felix just wants a break. Just one break. But not in this magazine.

Speaking of seeing more of Adrien (and, tragically, less of Nino), this is the kind of splash page I want to see! Both kids are here! The banner themed with Marinette’s signature flowers is a nice touch too; that’s associated with her arts ‘n’ crafts in the show already and it makes sense to apply it to the creative portion of this magazine too.

I LOVE the promotion of Chat Noir nails as something the little girls buying this magazine will definitely want to try. I’d expect them to do Marinette vs Ladybug nails, but instead we get a boyish option! Hell yeah!

I’m a little confused by the Queen Bee masks apparently going on the Chat Noir nails though. I guess they’re friends? Is this secret AdriChlo confirmation? Watch out, Marinette, Kagami’s not the one to be worried about.

SURE WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE SOME TURTLE STICKERS FOR AN ALL-BOYS THEME BUT I GUESS NOT HUH

Next up is a short merch catalogue (why would you put the big bold arrow pointing right to the underoos.....). Would those Chat Noir socks come in my size? Asking for me.

Then there’s......... this page. FANGIRL ALERT. God. It’s like the Ladyblog, if only the Ladyblog ever gave a heck about reporting what Chat Noir’s up to.

THE SPELL WAS BROKEN AND THE FANDOM IMPLODED WITH JOY.

I really have to wonder what age range this is meant for. Do kids know what a “fandom” is? Do little girls consider themselves “fangirls”? I guess most kids have enough internet access to figure it out these days (all the hashtags and LOLs and memes speak volumes), but I can’t imagine being young enough to fit the target range of this magazine while also knowing these terms. I dunno.

(Also, the definition of ‘implosion’ is ‘an instance of something collapsing violently inwards’, so I’m not sure that’s the word they’re looking for. Unless the return to the status quo in Dark Cupid and the continuing stagnation of the love square was enough to make people quit in frustration? Probably.)

I’m filling it in, of course. Because I must.

I gave up on the pre-approved ratings system pretty much right away, but I think this is an accurate rating of my LadyNoir opinions. 

I might be kinda cynical about it here, but I am actually pretty fond of how this magazine sells Ladybug and Chat Noir as a couple. The show’s portraying it as very onesided lately, with Chat pining over Ladybug who has absolutely no interest in him (Glaciator was a TERRIBLE episode and I’m still hurting from it), but reading this zine I’d guess they were already dating. It’s cheesy, but in a nice way.

I have to laugh at “the most amazing thing about this super duo is that they always look out for and protect each other” though. Chat’s usually pretty focused on LB, sure, but there are endless instances of LB using Chat as cannon fodder and just generally abandoning him to get mauled by akuma while she carries out her personal private plan to save the day. Maybe we’re just focusing on the better-written episodes, huh?

Moving ahead. I’ve been dreading this page since reading “Plaggs Pranks & LOLs” on the back of the packaging. I feel hatred in my very bones just looking at it.

I like that there’s ONE instance of the term “ladybird” in the joke column. This is a UK-based magazine and that IS the word we tend to use over here - “ladybug” is an Americanism - but it’s like they’re worried kids could have got to the middle of this magazine about a superhero named Ladybug and then not understand the bug jokes. Maybe whoever was writing this page slipped up?

OH NOOOOO. MARINETTE, NOOOOOOOOOO.

THIS IS WHY FELIX GOT RID OF YOU, PLAGG. THESE ARE ADRIEN’S PROBLEMS NOW.

(mmm whatcha saaaaay)

I mean........... YEAH, I guess, but we absolutely did see Plagg destroy Felix with an entire shelf of heavy books. I guess he’s nicer with Adrien. It’s all fun and games until someone has a nervous breakdown in the library.

I do love the concept of Tikki getting glitter-bombed by Plagg through the mail. She just curiously opens up the little letter which got slipped into Marinette’s purse, and-- WOOSH. One entire wall of Mari’s room is glittery except for a little Tikki-shaped silhouette. 

Next up is a two-page comic which is absolutely adorable! Look at those little chibis! The warm and soft colour palette! This is nicer than most of the official Miraculous comic book art I’ve seen, I hope they keep giving this artist work.

Nino’s here too (and he looks great!), and I like the touch of Marinette and Adrien playing as each other’s superhero characters. Adrien even wins the match, though I guess there’s something to be said about Ladybug beating Chat Noir (again)...... 

It does raise the question yet again of where this tie-in merchandise is coming from! They’ve had action figures, a movie, music video features, now an arcade game... Who’s getting the royalties here? Who’s profiting? Is this how Fu can afford to buy all those rare ingredients for the magic potions?

Over the page we have an activity to Design your Secret Lair! Right away I love the Marinette theme of the page, the soft pink and flowers, and the drawing space looking like a page in a binder with marker tabs and everything.

I have to design my secret lair, of course: 

What do you think? I’m very creative. I’ll need an adult to send in the drawing of my hideout but I think I’ve really got a shot at those unicorn headphones.

Now we’re on to puzzles and character pages. I don’t know what ol’ Gabe is doing trying to meet a 13 year old girl in the dead of night without telling anyone, you’d think if he’s got that much free time on his hands he could be spending it with his son.

I don’t know how those points in Ladybug’s power profile are awarded or what they mean, but you can tell this is a fan magazine. Official sources would have put her at a 10.

Standard House of Villains page! Most of these were good episodes but I’m deeply offended Riposte isn’t on here. Maybe her motives weren’t dramatic and cartoonish enough to be up in the ranks with Glaciator and Gorizilla?

“Cat Noir’s dad is also the evil Hawk Moth”, huh? I mean that’s not WRONG, but is it really something to put in his power profile when Adrien doesn’t even know yet??? Feels like we’re kinda jumping the gun on the poor boy. What if he picks up this magazine?

Apparently he’s one point weaker than Ladybug (seriously???), two points faster, equally as agile, one point less skilled and two points less cool. Despite all those lesses he still comes out at an equal 9, which is a relief! These kids are a team, putting either of them below the other would have been a big no.

I did the colouring page too, naturally. Je suis un artiste.

Now we’ve got a page fresh from the Ladyblog, a Miraculous quiz! Not a lot of excitement, but it’s nice to see Alya getting her own section.

I like that the qualifications of “you could be Ladybug herself!” are knowing what city Marinette lives in and what school she goes to. Well done, Mari! You’re doing your best!!!

TEACHER I AM SO HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I gotta say, I’m not so sure about decorating donuts with fondant. I’ve never tried it so I could be wrong, but it feels like rolled icing instead of frosting(?) would be too heavy for an entire donut. The texture is totally different.

I mean I guess if you’re going to load your kids up on sugar you might as well go all the way. They’re going to look like they’ve eaten something horrible with all that black fondant, but they’ll have fun. Adrien would love these.

WHERE’S NINO. THIS IS JUST UNFAIR. You’ll have four out of five heroes, then a double of Marinette and Tikki? Maybe this just goes to show how little memorable dialogue Carapace has.

Though if “Spots On!” is Marinette’s dialogue and not Ladybug’s, why are the other transformation phrases attributed to Rena Rouge and Queen Bee instead of Alya and Chloé? Surely they could have picked something better for Marinette to justify having her on this list twice instead of Nino.

The next page brings us one of those flowchart quizzes! And ouch, yet again the absence of the other heroes is obvious. I can understand not including Chloé here since she’s technically not a “friendly” character yet, but no Nino? Alya and Marinette are close friends, but Adrien doesn’t really hang out with them without Nino around. Having the three of them together just seems strange.

I do like the little fashion page! They’re all cute and affordable and easy to find on the high street here. I’d love to see how other issues of this magazine are structured; is there a different fashion spot every time? Styles to channel each individual hero would be adorable.

Moving on to a tutorial for a Ladybug notebook! I would have made this, but I didn’t have the time nor a notebook to stick it to.

Between this and the donuts, it seems weird that these designs are based on, like... an actual beetle, eyes and antennae and all. Shouldn’t it be Ladybug’s symbol? These come across more like “fun animals” arts ‘n’ crafts instead of themed after Miraculous specifically. I think if I made this (or decorated the donuts) I’d miss out the head and match the spot pattern to Ladybug’s symbol. 

The hidden message design is adorable though. I can see this being a craft kids are super proud of.

Another activity page! I didn’t have a go at these but they’re pretty standard. It’s cute that the coded message designs are the same as the stickers and nail decals!

Also, apparently Ladybug’s ‘secret’ is “LB mask + heart + CN mask”, which was (somehow) stolen by Volpina. Is that the secret Hawk Moth was talking about earlier in the magazine? Is he blackmailing Ladybug with revealing she has a crush on Chat Noir? How did Volpina ‘steal’ this secret? Is LadyNoir finally reciprocated???? THIS IS A WHOLE EPISODE IN ITSELF, I NEED ANSWERS--

Next page we have an ad for another girly magazine (Quizzes! LOLs! Celebs! Cringes! Puzzles!). I think I’ll pass, no matter how appealing that giant microphone pen is. 

And a “Miraculous Identity” quiz! Tikki’s apparently super fickle with her wielders, three seasons of relentlessly praising Marinette and now she’s telling us we’re the Chosen Ones. You can’t fool me with those big ol’ eyes.

My inner superhero is Marvellous Fox, by the way. Though yet again I’m noticing we don’t have turtle options...................

And on the back cover... the memes. Oh, sweet lord, the memes. They’re hashtag-SoRelatable! And I can cut them out to keep! Oh boy!!!

Is this what kids do when they have limited internet access? Cut fresh memes out of magazines and carry them around? I need to know.

That’s a very sinister Ladybug at the bottom of the page though. What’s-- What’s she going to do to me if I don’t cut out and keep these memes. Ladybug what are you going to do if I d--

Well that brings us to the end of the magazine! And yet again I’m surprised by how much time it takes to just put a bunch of photos together and write about them.

This is a neat little magazine all in all! The ‘free gifts’ are pretty nice, there’s a fair amount of content and the whole thing is pretty cute for young fans of the show. I could see myself buying this again - if it ever shows up on shelves, Miraculous is so scarce around here that I fully expect it to disappear again after this one issue - just for the free junk, but it would be interesting to see how they’d structure different issues too!

I notice we never did get that promised tutorial on how to draw Pollen; the one advertised on the cover. Was the “draw your favourite Kwami” activity supposed to cover that? I’m not sure that really counts.

If you got this far, thanks for joining me on this Miraculous journey! We’ll meet again whenever I get another piece of weird ML merch to cover. Bien joué!

[the-firebird69]

There's a bunch of people who are out of line in a big way and we are going after though it is time and they're huge assholes they're very mean and we don't want to hear any of their dumb s***. And yeah the African gifted are nightmare. A nightmare. They're getting wiped out very fast they have like half the continent emptied of them and then moments the rest will be gone I'll cram packed in Madagascar and they're getting eaten by bugs and all sorts of things they can't defend themselves against and it's disgusting fairly soon they're going to figure out that they were wrong they'll be out.

-is a few other things happening they are harassing our son saying he has sickness and they get them all the time so people are harassing each other and it's helping us we're using it against them and we are bringing them down there's several people here who do not know how to behave at all and one of them is John remillard and they should be in court right now and we don't think they are and okay so we know what time the court date was and it was around 8:00 a.m. and they all streamed out to try and intercept him and they lost and they're here trying to regain it so they're taking a beating and the same stuff and they're giving orders to people don't work for them telling people off being the obnoxious assholes and his granddaughter is in there listen to all this dumb s*** and she said when will you stop when we're all gone and you don't have any AI and their AI doesn't work for you and he says what is it to you and she said everything you're not a responsible adult anymore you're way worse than him and she's using profanity and she says he's hiding a secret nobody knows it probably has an army and nobody knows it you're sitting here bothering him and your stuff is disappearing faster than hell and he says I need help with it and I said you have to figure out what it is not just blame him and it could be his clan who've taken Saturn. So she started saying all this and you started getting very mad and he kicked her out and she is leaving in a half and and that's what's going to happen in a minute but others have showed up and there's going to be a fight over here after this court case after they were found guilty after the judge said to pay up give them a deadline and it was noon tomorrow so they're sitting there bothering her son with these imbeciles and the imbeciles kind of figured it out but they don't do anything different and they're getting their asses handed to them this is a situation that has deteriorated and they're trying to make a deteriorate globally and into chaos and it is the max they have isolated basis and you think they'll survive without an economy and so forth just like Tommy f but they're supposed to be better at it and that's what they keep saying so we do have a percentage of them that are saying it and really it's time for them to leave too all of them they don't have any clue what they're doing so we're going to call and attacks North and South Carolina built up too much their bases are pretty beefy and they need to shut the f****** and the surgery already and other such things and to wipe them out they won't be laughing at much and they won't think that their idea to do nothing here is good when they're gone he's been sitting here insisting that we stop the people responsible he's been working at it and we know about it and we have been working at it and he knows about it that's what it is and we're just proud to be adjusted up to begin Our assault. Okay Max are about to begin there salt and it is starting up shortly and it is them and it will be on the mobile not the other way around so the more like a bunch of videos and they're going to try and to assault them and it's going on this morning and we heard it on The wire and we see it and we are prepping they have side effects and as fallout and there's potential for it to catch quell it we need huge forces of ours NOW

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

[prorevenge]

Want to be a horrible co-worker to me and steal from the company? Hold my beer while I ruin your career.

So, I've read so many stories on this sub and never once thought about sharing one of the most satisfying days in the history of my professional career. This is a long one but had fun reminiscing.

Straight out of college, with a degree in graphic design, hungry to find a good job in a horrible economy (2009) I applied all over the place. I ended up settling for a decently paid internship instead with really good company. A beer distributor, for a large and legendary macro-brewery. I was pretty ecstatic. Even if this was a part time internship it had great potential to turn into a full time job. I was hired in to be a graphic designer for their in house print shop and I would be working one other person, this girl Alice (name changed for anonymity).

My first day working I met Alice and she seemed really nice, knowledgeable and passionate about graphic design. Due to seniority she was technically my supervisor. After a few days working I learn a few things about her. Obsessed with running, obsessed with horses (she was a horse girl), home-schooled her whole life, and overall realized she was just an awkward person. Nothing wrong with that, some people are awkward, it's ok but all day everyday I would hear about running and she was obsessed with competing with her sister. It's all she talked about. Her obsessions were just draining to hear about some days but the obsessions come back later in the story...

Anyway, I dealt with the awkwardness for a while. I just learned of ways to ignore it. After a couple years is when the real trouble started. By this time I became a full time employee, not an intern anymore. We were pretty much equals when it came to rank in the office. Only thing she did more than I did was ordering. She would order ink cartridges for our printers, paper, print heads etc... that's all she did more than me. She still delegated work, but I didn't mind.

At a certain point I was put in charge of reorganizing our office and helped move everything around with my boss. The catch was that I got to pick where I sat, got to choose my desk and location if I helped move. Alice knew this, didn't care and said she was too busy to help with the reorganization. I was happy to help. The way our office was organized after the change was she sat in front of me with her back facing me and I would be all the way in the back of the office by the printers. So basically I could see everything she was doing on her computer, IF I wanted to or cared to. But we always got our work done, browsed the web for personal reasons occasionally throughout the day, it wasn't abused by either of us so no big deal. Like I said, she was my superior so she would designate jobs. We would get job requests from the salesmen and they would differ in difficulty and time to complete them. Everything was equal. We would bust ass and have an equal amount of work always....until I went on vacation for a week.

I go on vacation for that week and come back into the office to see her sitting in my desk...I'm immediately confused. I then notice her computer, picture frames, desk organizer, all her shit is now moved from her desk to mine...and all my stuff is moved to where she was sitting and was thrown everywhere. This bitch literally went through all my stuff, unplugged my computer and everything I had and switched desks with me while I was on vacation. No text/call, email or notice about it or why she did it. I look at her and say..

Me: "Uhhh, what happened to my desk?"

Alice: "Oh, so while you were gone the printers keep jamming up and I had to get to them quicker so I just switched desks with you since your desk is closer..."

Me: "Ok, I don't understand it's only like a 5 foot difference between your desk and mine..."

Alice: "Yeah I know, but they were jamming up and every time they would do that it would take too long to boot back up and restart everything."

Me: (in my head, total bullshit) "Yeah ok, I don't get it but whatever."

I didn't get, It was fucking weird and I was pretty pissed all my shit was moved and our desks were switched. Not only that but IT had to get involved to switch our phone numbers to our desk...that took a few days so I kept getting all her calls and she got mine. It was ridiculous. I didn't care after a few minutes when I saw the pile of work to do for the day. There were jobs backed up and the whole sales team was asking where their job orders were. Alice kept saying, "Oh it was so busy last week with just me here. Couldn't get it done. So we had to bust ass and play catch up for a few days...

One key part of all this is that we have a printing program that files and filters all the print jobs we send. It has date, time, file name, number of copies, time it took to print etc...I was curious so I go back one week to see what she did while I was gone, absolutely nothing. A couple of the days I was gone there were only a few files sent to print and they were projects that would have taken at most 15 minutes a piece to do. Even if the printers were jamming there is absolutely no way she could have done that little without slacking off the entire time. You can always work on projects and send them to the printer queue to send later.

As weeks started to pass after she moved the desks I noticed productivity started to go way down. Even worse I started to get a ton of projects sent to me, twice as many as usual. I was at the point there would be days I would stay 2 hours late just to finish things up. Not only that, but Alice worked out a deal with our boss she could start coming in one hour earlier (before anyone else is in the office) and leave an hour earlier at the end of the day because she had cRoSs fIt and bOot cAmP for running and needed to train for a marathon. That's fine except she wasn't doing her job.

The printing software we use to track everything was showing she actually wasn't doing jack shit. I don't get how clueless she could be to think she would get away with this either...we can both see every job that is sent (or not sent in this matter) to the printers. Showing for every 10 jobs I would send to her 1. Ahh...now I know why she moved the desks, so she could be where I was without anyone looking at her screen. I also noticed every time I would get up to go by her to grab something from the printers she would grab her mouse really fast and click away from whatever website she was on wasting time instead of doing work. I would also check to see what she did during that hour she would come into work early while no one was here...nothing...I would look to see what she did during the hour I was gone for lunch...nothing.

So here I am, coming in on time, busting my ass, doing a ton of work, staying late while she would waste an hour in the morning, waste an hour during my lunch and not even do the bare minimum while there. I had enough. Up until then I had to put up with her awkwardness and that's whatever but I was no longer going to put up with her laziness and poor work ethic.

I knew she was going on a long weekend trip in a couple weeks to run a marathon. I started taking screen shots of the print jobs on our system's queue every day at the end of the day showing what I did and she didn't do. Shows how she slacked off and gave me all the work to do and didn't do anything. It was more than enough proof to show she was abusing company time severely.

The Thursday she was gone I gave her a taste of her own medicine. I moved our desks back. I moved everything from my desk back to my old desk she stole from me and all her shit nicely put back on her desk. I kept everything nice and organized as if nothing was changed besides the location of the desks themselves. Even further I went and located extra long telephone cords so I didn't have to bother IT to switch our phones back again. I held on to all the screenshots I took of her slacking off and didn't show them to my boss. I wasn't going to unless she raised hell about me moving our desks which why would she? It was my desk originally, the printers obviously were not jamming ever, it was a bullshit excuse and I never got mad at her or made a big deal when she did it...so why would she get mad at me for doing the same thing? I didn't even care about the desk itself, I cared that she was slacking off and not doing her job where she was in a spot no one could keep track of what she is doing. She was supposed to be my superior, someone who can manage and delegate work, instead she took advantage of me and the company.

I didn't want any huge surprises so at the end of the work week I sent her a text:

"Hi Alice, just wanted to let you know I ended up moving our desks back to their original location. Figured it wasn't a big deal but I just wanted my original desk back that I claimed after I was given the option for helping organize everything. Just didn't want you to be surprised on Monday. Have a good weekend!"

I gave her more of a courtesy than when she did that...so I figure it wouldn't be an issue (there was). I didn't get a response or anything. So I walk in Monday morning after she got back from her long weekend and I just say hi, walk past her and go to my reclaimed desk.

Me: "Not sure if you got my text but I let you know I moved the desk back to their original spots, figured the original issue of the printers jamming up was fixed so I just wanted my original desk back

Alice: (turns around to look at me, clearly pissed) "Yeah, I got your text...btw we're going to have a nice long talk with Jim (our boss, name changed for anonymity) about this."

Me: "...ok, what's the issue? I just wanted my desk back? You moved them without even telling me before and there wasn't an issue. So why are you mad?"

Alice: "We'll just go talk to Jim about all this..."

Me: "sounds good, let's go"

Alice: (turns back to her computer, then turns back at me again) "Why do you have to be so Honoury!?"

Me: "Honoury?"

Alice: "YES! Honoury!?"

Me: "You mean ornery? And if you did intend to call me ornery, I'm not...at all, I just moved our desks back...exactly what you did before."

She just turned back around and we were called into my boss's office. He clearly didn't give a shit and was just fed up with Alice's BS since this wasn't the first time she brought up a total non-issue up to him before. She complained constantly, would bring up nonsense about the office all the time about things that just didn't matter one bit. This was another one. She goes on explaining how I just want to cause issues for no reason. Then Jim asks me, "Well why did you move the desks anyway?"...that's when I whipped out the stack of screen shots showing her lack of work and how I was being overworked and doing the work of two people.

He looks over everything and was pissed and frustrated. Questioned why this was going on and why the work wasn't delegated properly. He also mentioned he would notice how I would be here late all the time. She had no answer. Alice made up excuses how she was busy placing orders for supplies and doing other projects that were not all printed work that couldn't be tracked. He wasn't having any of it and just said to keep the desk the way they are and not change anything again. So I got my desk back.

Funny enough, now that I could see everything she was doing all the open jobs were delegated properly...WEIRD...all the workload was split evenly, SHOCKER...and all the bullshit from before stopped.

That wasn't even the pro-revenge part of the story! Needless to say, after this fiasco there were issues upon issues between us. There was a rivalry and we got along enough to just get the work done and that's it. I could care less about her, she would be nasty to me all the time and just say bitchy comments. Whatever...I could care less. I wanted nothing to do with her. I knew she had poor work ethic and did what she had to to keep her job by doing the bare minimum to make it seem like she was working.

Now, remember when I said I worked for a beer distributor? Pretty sweet gig. We got to try a lot of new beers we would distribute before they came out, even would tap kegs in the morning and have it available throughout the day. They would let us drink on the job, to a point. Just be responsible doing it. One day we have a new beer tapped outside in the warehouse and were able to drink in the morning. I had a couple and Alice kept going back to drink more. I was around her enough times drinking where I could tell she was getting buzzed or sometimes drunk. When this happened she would be forgetful and slack off (another shocker). When lunch time came around she barely did anything that day. I wouldn't say buzzed, but she was definitely in that lazy state of drinking a few beers.

I went to lunch and came back after an hour. I noticed she was gone already and had gone to lunch before I got back. Looked like she just got up and left. Computer was still logged in, crap all over her desk, half beer sitting there and probably just didn't care since she was in that lazy state of drinking.

-The Pro-Revenge Part-

I walk up to our normal printer to grab a couple emails I printed out, not on the expensive HP printers we print banners on, just our normal printers. I notice a couple pieces of paper sitting there under what I had just printed out. I look to see what it is and it's an invoice from eBay. I didn't think much of it but i did a double look after noticing one of the pictures is of the ink cartridges we use on our big 36" HP printers...these are typically $150-200 a toner cartridge depending on the color, and there were 10 total for each printer when being used.

"...No fucking way..." I thought to myself..."Is she selling these on eBay and pocketing the money?" I look up the seller name on eBay which was something like RunnersWorld347 or something running related (red flag). Turns out she has been stealing ink cartridges and selling them online off and on for over 3 years. On one transaction she made over $1,000 right before Christmas, probably to buy Christmas presents or something. Another was before her marathon she did earlier in my story. Probably to pay for that and her trip to go running. There were transactions for running shoes she purchased on there that I have seen her wear in the office on casual Fridays before, something horse related but forgot exactly what it was...it was hard evidence she was stealing product from the company and selling it on eBay. Since she did the ordering and inventory of all the printing supplies she could take advantage of it pretty easily, and she did. How stupid can you be to leave that kind of evidence sitting on a printer? Pro-tip, don't get tipsy and print off invoices of stolen property you're selling on eBay and forget about it.

I brought up all this information to my boss and showed him exactly what she was doing. He couldn't believe it and to be honest I couldn't either. Being a shitty co-worker and employee is one thing but stealing/selling thousands of dollars worth of company property? Really messed up. Jim ended up giving Alice the chance to come clean. He first called me into the office to let me know he will be talking to her and giving her the option to come clean about everything before showing her the evidence against her. I walked back to my desk and all I remember her asking me is "Uh what's going on, is everything ok?" after she noticed I was called in to talk to Jim. I just shook my head and said "Yeah, idk.." and a second later she was called into his office.

About 5 minutes pass and I see Alice walk back into the sign shop crying with tears running down her face. Doesn’t say anything to me as I watch her start to pack up her belongings in a box, that’s when i knew she just got fired. Half way through packing up Jim comes by and says, “are you done yet?” She replies no and starts going on her computer while Jim promptly stops her and says, “No! Don’t go on your computer, those privileges are revoked and you can not be on our computers or network anymore. It’s a liability” he allows her to get a couple personal files as he watches her like a hawk. She picks up her box of shit and is escorted out of the building. Last I ever saw of her. Best part of all this was done in front of all the sales team and managers. About 20 of them. They all watched this happen and all watched her be escorted out of the building.

About 10 minutes of people asking me what happened I realized 99% of people there absolutely hated her for related reasons revolving around her poor work ethic, nasty attitude and awkwardness towards everyone. I got a couple slow claps and hand shakes too.

I was called back in to Jim’s office a little while later. He explained they confronted her about the theft. Gave her the option to confess to everything and they wouldn’t press charges and allow her to resign. She confessed immediately. I ended up getting a raise right then and there and was promoted to sign shop manager and was put in place of finding a new team member to interview and hire in and was able to work closely to HR and hiring department to find the right person.

Long story short after that I stayed for another few months and got a great opportunity at a new job. But I was able to hire in a really good employee that was a quick learner and got her setup to be efficient and get shit done. It was almost like a “I must go now, my job is done, someone else needs me” moment when i left. Turns out she was just a toxic employee to most people well before I started there but was once untouchable because of her intimate relationship with a manager there. Never knew this, but once they weren’t a thing anymore there was no protection.

TL;DR worked with a god awful employee who made my work day miserable, didn’t do her job, wasted company time, went through my belongings and moved my desk and ultimately got caught stealing company property by me and I got her fired...then got a raise and promotion because of it.

(source) story by (/u/Purplepunch36)

[9and9only]

Personal rant (sorry idk how to cut on mobile app so just scroll on by if you're not interested )

I hate health issues. I've been having intermittent shortness of breath since January, and recently it's been almost constant. At first I tried allergy specialist since I have also noticed it's hard to breathe through my nose a lot so I thought it was allergies. Turns out I do have quite a few allergies, but that was not the cause. The allergy doctor was kind enough to agree to schedule pulmonary function tests for me, since I'd never had them done before. Four weeks for the earliest appointment. (I pretty much suffered almost every day up to the tests.)

Went to urgent care a couple weeks later after the shortness of breath was going on 5 consecutive days. Without testing my lungs, the doctor diagnosed me with "allergies and intermittent asthma," prescribed me an inhaler, and sent me on my way. Inhaler didn't work. I tried my coworker's (who actually does have asthma) and it worked once and right away and for the rest of the evening I did not have to worry about air hunger that is my almost constant companion.

Next day I get an appointment to see another doctor to possibly get the inhaler changed to the brand my coworker has. After much hemming and hawing, the doctor (ironically the same one I'd seen at urgent care the day before) wrote me the prescription to fill at walgreens and also prednisone. I drove straight to Walgreens, periodically feeling dizzy at this point and not capable of more than short sentences.

Inhaler doesn't seem to work. Still having issues. That Friday I went to urgent care again because of air hunger (which is when you feel like you can't get a deep enough breath) and thanks to anxiety--and anger at my stupid fucking lungs--shooting my heart rate up, I was advised to go straight to ER.

Which couldn't do a damn thing for me except a chest x-ray (which came back normal, of COURSE), and a breathing treatment of albuterol and something else. All that did was make me shaky and made my chest feel raw as hell, like I'd fallen on concrete and scraped it but on the inside. Still couldn't breathe. What's more, the ER doctor told me I shouldn't have been diagnosed with asthma without having had my lungs tested! $150 down the drain.

Day of the test comes and of course I can breathe fine. They come back all clear. There is no cause.

Yet here I am, constantly struggling to breathe. I've broken down crying twice tonight. And now a 3rd time as I write this. It's 2:30 am and I can't sleep unless someone physically knocks me unconscious at this point. Goddammit I just want to breathe like a normal fucking person!!

I hate this season of life so so much. I'm stuck living with my dysfunctional toxic parents because of student loans and the shitty housing economy in fucking California, working 2 jobs to try and pay bills off and though I've made progress, I'm going to be stuck with them for at least another year. My father is adamantly against getting therapy for his toxic and self-destructive coping mechanisms. My mom had a stroke 5 years ago and according to the doctors has progressed as far as she is able. So they go out to a chain restaurant multiple times a week and she has multiple alcoholic drinks per time. Dad gets very belligerent when he drinks, and if it's bad by the time they come home, there's yelling and slamming of things and all sorts of godawful drama. He's never hit her, or me (and God help us both if he ever fucking does because I will go apesh*t on his ass) but you're not in control when you are blackout drunk, so uh yeah I just never know. At least once a month he threatens to leave or some other such nonsense. Fun fact, I had to book a hotel one night just last month because it got so bad.

And yet a few times these past couple weeks he's been whining "I hate our relationship, why don't we have a good relationship like we used to" etc etc. Right now, I want nothing to do with either one of them. And I can't escape because it's here or the fucking street. And I constantly feel short of breath. And I stay up til 2am and even later and get up 6 hours later for a mind-numbing 8 hour job and, if I'm working that night, a second 4 hours right after. I'm so exhausted and tired of everything and I can't breathe and no one can do a god damn thing about it. It's very hard to remind myself that God has everything in His control and that this is for a season, but when your life is fucking chaos and you have health problems that can't go away and NO FUCKING POINT TO YOUR LIFE CURRENTLY... I don't know. Right now all I have to look forward to is GallifreyOne in February and fuck me I hope he doesn't cancel on it like he did Edmonton and Dallas (the latter of which was going to be my very first convention and the 2nd time seeing him. I really want to hand him the drawing of him and his dad).

Send me asks. I'm bored and mad and I can't sleep anyway. I wanna go to church tomorrow but primarily so I can get prayer for all this nonsense.