#so who knows when it'll come out
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Happy Saturday! Here's a sneak peak from the Neighbor!Bakugou fic I am slowly trying to write
Bakugou could recall the awful encounter vividly. It was Friday afternoon, he was on his way to start his evening patrol, walking over to Kirishima’s as he was to join him. But of course, Kirishima was not there, or at least he was not answering the door. After minutes of pounding and yelling Bakugou figured the bastard was over at his girlfriend’s place. Stomping his way over, he barely had a chance to properly knock on the door before you swung it open - the look of utter vitriol in your eyes as you looked up at him was something he would never forget.
��He’s not here.” Was all you said before slamming the door right in his face.
Bakugou was never left stunned or speechless before, at least not by an ordinary person, and he didn’t like it if the intentional stomping of his heavy boots and the huffing chest was anything to go by; needless to say both Kirishima and your roommate got an earful from him.
~
In fact, most of your interactions with Bakugou were a far cry from the initial two you had with him. You knew who he was, it was hard to ignore when his face is almost always plastered in the news or on screens in the city, and given what you could tell he was a bit brutish - standoffish and quick to anger - very much like how he was when you first had the pleasure of meeting him. It was supposedly a part of his charm, but you found nothing charming about it, that was until you extended that olive branch with your apology. The way he spoke to you after that, the softer tone - one that was almost hushed - always surprised you; it almost didn’t fit who he was but somehow you still liked it. You knew he did it because he was worried he might aggravate you, and your possible headache, further but it was the courteousness that made you start to warm up to him.
And Bakugou could say the same. He didn’t want to admit it, but you were fairly sweet - always apologizing when you would have to tell him his friend wasn’t there and giving him a fairly wise suggestion on where they might be; your tone and demeanor soft, always catching him off guard; as every time he knocked on your door he was expecting an incensed tone. And your eyes. Bakugou was always expecting them to look cruel, to have the sharp hue they previously had when he first gazed into them. But he was always surprised by how gentle they were when you looked up at him, he hated how it always ambushed and captivated him. Hated how pretty they were.
hope you like it~
#it's gonna end up being a long fic#i will advise that#so who knows when it'll come out#but here's something cause I always feel bad for how slowly I write things#🔮.the peddler writes#mha bakugou#bakugou drabble#bakugou x reader
95 notes
·
View notes
Note
shep I was talking to my brother about dbhc xisuma as one does and mentioned that ask about not being able to puzzle xisuma's face together mentally and my brother joked that the reason you put the spoiler bars and such on his face is cause you cant draw his whole face yet 😂
anyway I might have talked his ear off about dbhc idk tho lmao
LMAOO NOOOO!!! MY SECRET FINALLY IS OUT!!! /silly
#HEHE thats rly fun though i hope your brother is enjoying the osmosis XD#truthfully... drawing xisuma's face is still really difficult for me... bc he's always like. the character whose personality and character#like. comes from the fact that we never see his face? and so there's something about him that feels more... right when his face is just.#a mystery#but i DO have a facecanon for him. esp for dbhc bc its important. even if when i think Xisuma i don't think of his face the way i might whe#I think of other characters. that isn't the reason why I spoiler it though XD when we get the face reveal it'll be obvious enough. i hope#LMAO.#anyway#idk like#some of the first sketches i did of Xisuma's face will still be my favorites tbh#it's hard to capture the same energy of a rough sketch when you try to sharpen those soft edges into a clean picture yknow?#i HAVE gotten better at it though.... square-ish face but soft on the edges... kind blue eyes... hair always tied back tightly and neatly#idk. i think about him a LOT#especially lately but we knew this hehehe#i think he deserves to take the helmet off every once and a while and just. breathe and get out of his own head yknow#i think he gets better at it in s9 even if he only takes it off around people he really trusts (keralis and cleo)#not that doc hasnt seen him or that he distrusts doc but... well. that whole relationship is a work in progress since season 8 was. well#anyway im really and truly rambling <3#xisumas face is both an enigma to me and a soft sturdy shape in my brain... its hard to replicate consistently but those doodles are#just for me anyway =w= <3#(and a few select others. who Know. you know who you are)
96 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Wynonna Earp Vengeance Day to all who celebrate!!
So happy we get Wayhaught back on our screen and get to see them as wives 🥰
#vengeance#wayhaught#i know its already been out since last night but im waiting until tonight to watch for the live tweet#so gonna have to try and avoid everything and spoilers#but it still feels so surreal we're actually getting them back and i can't wait#wayhaught was THE ship for me before marina so it'll be a whirlwind of emotions#will tag all things vengeance spoilers for the next few days when i eventually share my thoughts/make gifs#but hope everyone who watches enjoys and even those who never watched the show give it a chance!!#at a time where we barely have wlw rep on tv this special is coming at a perfect time and wayhaught has always been great rep#this could be the beginning of more of this great ship and cast/characters on our screens so here's hoping ❤️
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
Soulmate aus are so interesting in an iwtv context. Like for humans it's easy, right? They get their soulmate mark, they find their soulmate, or maybe they don't, and they live their life. For vampires though? Do vampiric soulmates even exist? How could they when the soulmate marks are relics of their human life? When the other person who has the mark will be dead before their life as a vampire has even begun? Or were they always fated to become a vampire? Did the universe take that into account? Will they have to wait some hundreds of years for their soulmate to be born? Their soulmate could be anywhere, any time. Hell, their soulmate could be the person they just drained. Who knows. Even if they were somehow able to find them, what are the chances they'd stay together for eternity? It is eternity after all. Not even the universe or fate can guarantee that.
#but then like uggghhhh thinking about iwtv soulmate au fics and like. they're not soulmates or meant to be but they choose each other anyway#their soulmate could be rotting in the ground or not even in existence yet. maybe they knew them in their human life. or vampire life#but nothing is a guarantee. and isn't it much more profound to choose your own companion anyhow? to love and choose them?#(little do they realize that's what a soulmate is. and even though they might not have the mark it's the same thing. to love and choose)#thinking about louis and armand specifically. like both of them would have Feelings about this i'm sure#louis and lestat are soulmates ofc. ofc there's some string of fate strangling them and they have to figure out what that means#i feel like louis would be resentful of it. like he loves lestat obviously but their relationship is turbulent at best so during the lows#louis 100% resents the universe and god and fate for tying the two of them together#lestat would assume it's all sunshine and roses now that he's found his soulmate and kind of assume it'll automatically work out?#and they'd have to come to terms with the fact that while they are soulmates#their relationship and what it is and how it goes isn't preordained. they still have to figure it out themselves#meanwhile armand and daniel aren't soulmates#god armand doesn't know who his is and he is very like. not melancholy#but he definitely holds that in his chest along with the other things that were taken from him#daniel for sure met his soulmate but like it was nothing compared to armand#and daniel doesn't really buy into the whole romanticization of soulmates anyway#armand kind of does and once they start their relationship he'd definitely have angst about preventing daniel from finding his soulmate#in this universe that could be another reason he tampered with daniel's memories (assuming that's what happened in the amc canon)#to give daniel a chance to live a full human life. to give him the chance to find his soulmate#but then daniel lives a life. he meets his soulmate. and at the end of it all he still chooses armand#and claudia? she just wants someone to choose her. she doesn't care if it's her soulmate or not. she doesn't care about that#maybe she used to romanticize it. having someone guaranteed. but she's seen soulmates hurt each other. both in her human and vampire life#and she knows it doesn't matter what fate or the universe says. people's choices and actions are their own#and so when madeleine chooses her they don't have the marks but claudia thinks maybe this is what a soulmate is after all#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#claudia#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt
30 notes
·
View notes
Note
hii! so i saw you played touchstarved and i was wondering what you thought of all the people in the demo? thanks!!
Ohh I loved the characters tbh!! I think they all have great potential and I'm really excited to see where their storylines go. Especially Leander, I'm sure that man is secretly a freak kfkdkdkfk he's my second favorite and I really wanna play his route when the game comes out. Mostly out of curiosity though, bc my actual favorite is Kuras <3 I was just full heart eyes for him after the first interactions you have with him in the game and no other character got the same reaction from me djdjkckckf spent the whole rest of the game wondering when he was going to come back 💔 I just think his personality is very charming and the whole "repentant angel" concept has so much potential for angst. I love me a tragic boy 🫠 also the way he smiles............ his cunty little golden tears makeup..... his drip............ he has bewitched me body & soul
I think the one I liked the least was Vere, mostly bc I didn't like how he got all up on my character's personal space right off the bat. I was like wow get this man AWAY from me <3 haha PLEASE. The whole interaction just made me kind of uncomfortable and I get that this is a type of character that's right up some people's alley or plays right into their kinks, but for me personally it was all just a big nope. I disliked Ais a little bit too bc he seemed very arrogant and aloof. Not very mindful not very demure 🤨 he did grow on me a bit after seeing him at the bar + playing through his ending in the demo, but honestly I think he's just not my type jdjfncmcm still super interested in seeing where his story goes tho, and I really like the fact he has a pet souless 🥺 watch me steal princess & run fjjckcmf
I honestly don't have much of an opinion on Mhin. I feel like we spend very little time with them in the demo so there's not much to go on. I don't see a problem with them being cagey and not trusting you right off the bat etc. Like, to each their own yk, it's not like they owe the mc any answers, or even friendship. I feel like I'm gonna like them eventually but just based on the fact my mc is a self insert I might end up barely getting to know them at all jdjfkskkxkf I get the impression you have to be a bit pushy with them to get them to talk and tbh like, I'd say at least 99% of the time, if you tell me to fuck off, I just straight up will. No discussion. Goodbye Mhin!! Have a good life!! See you never 👍🏻👍🏻 njdjfkckf that would NOT work out 🥲 so I think in order to do their romance route I'd probably have to play a different character, but I think I eventually will just bc I do find them interesting. From what I've seen from the devs, they might have a lot in common with the mc in regards to being cursed, so that sounds like it'll make for an interesting route.
This is all just my personal taste tho bc overall I think they're all interesting in different ways and I'm really curious to see where each of their routes go :]
#I'll probably play through all their routes once the game comes out#especially bc the game doesn't seem to be that long#but I'll definitely go for my favorites first <3#I'm thinking kuras -> leander -> mhin -> ais -> vere#but we'll see tbh. who knows how I'll feel once I'm actually playing it#these characters still have much to show so I'm reserving most of my judgement for when the game comes out#so excited for 2025✨️ it'll be a good year#asks#touchstarved game
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
all this stream is telling me rn is badboyhalo cannot under any circumstances become president because if he becomes a federation puppet and gets turned against the players or the eggs the ENTIRE server is fucked
#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#bad: OH MY GOSH. WHAT IF (intricate break in plan that could ensure eggs die that i had not considered in my life)#just every 3 minutes he's like OH MY GOSH and comes up with a new reason their safe houses aren't safe#like SIR THEY MIGHT NEVER HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THAT IF YOU HADN'T#LETS NOT FORGET ELQUACKITY'S PLAN WAS 'eh blow stuff up' LIKE ???? BASIC AF#and here bad's like 'they could use the wand of symmetry to rig tnt in the egg rooms so it'll ignite when the trapdoors are activated!!!'#would that have crossed their minds??? WHO KNOWS!!!!!! BUT THEY SURE FUCKIN KNOW NOW!!!#nothing is secret on isla quesadilla once it's said out loud that idea is Public Domain#shut up vic#block game brainrot
232 notes
·
View notes
Note
(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender
sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)
i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#gender is soup#sci speaks#i'm so sorry i know you might hope for something profound but... i think when i'm put on the spot like this i can't say anything really#i think whatever i am is definitely pervasive in everything i write#but like.. gender means something different to wade than it does for peter.#just like it'll be different for everybody. we make different associations based on our experiences and our trauma.#like.. wade associates femininity with love. because of his mother. associates masculinity with violence. because of his father.#peter associates masculinity with responsibility. because of uncle ben. associates femininity with confidence. because of aunt may.#i think there's all kinds of reasons why we choose to present the way we do. and what gender means to us.#just like we'll associate a colour with something. or a smell with a memory. it's complicated.#i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it.#i don't think it's supernatural. it doesn't come from nowhere. but it should be a playground.#i don't think anyone in this world should be restricted to a certain role to play. i want to try all the roles and see how it fits.#see how well i can play them.#maybe because i haven't found one that quite fits. so i want the opportunity to try whatever i can. see what feels right.#i think it would be fun to be a wife. i think it would be fun to be a husband. i think it would be fun to be a firefighter. i think it wo#shrugs. different outfits for every day. different roles to play.#today i'd like to try...#i think it's like kids learning how to be adults by playing pretend. by playing roles.#i'm learning more about myself and other people and fitting into the world by trying on different roles.#kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda.#i still feel like a bit of a kid who hasn't figured out how to be an adult yet. so i'm still trying out roles to see what fits.
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey! I love your story so so much and I always look forward to new chapters!
I do have a question though. Is the whole General Shepard cameras thing still is part of the story? I feel like the buildup was so good and then it just disappeared and became unimportant. Like if the guys never find out about it, it's whatever.
I dont mean this as an insult to your writing at all, but I'm just wondering if it's gonna come back at all since it's been so long since it's been thought about by the mc.
Again, I love your work
You'll have to wait and see
#i know that's so mean#i'm so mean#such a meanie#the meanest#cruelest#author ever#okay now that we're down here#i don't think most people read this far into the tags#but yeah#that will come into play later#i'm halfway pushing it to the side for plot reasons#(i forgot the reader was due for another heat very soon 😬)#and also because this part is dragging quite a bit since i want to focus on smut#i was just going to jump into that but then i got carried away with Simon and all of the possibilities#and also i'm kind of doing it on purpose#hoping people forget and then bam#shock them when it all resurfaces#in my original plan for the fic there was a considerable amount of time between the event happening and when it finally gets revealed#i just didnt plan to write out that gap quite as much as i have#give it a few chapters#it'll come back#how?#when?#who?#you'll have to wait and see#okay byeeeeeee#answered#queue 06#sm feralcore
32 notes
·
View notes
Note
It's been more than 20 years and for some reason I feel that Gosho hasn't given Kaiao any development, how can more than 20 years pass and Aoko dynamics, relationship and feelings remain the same? At this point I feel like Gosho is just going to make them date because "they already liked each other" they remain in the same status quo
Hey, if we go by DC romance progress, they've been going too fast. We've already had suspicion of identity chapters, and that didn't happen until more than 400 chapters in DC. /j
Since heists have taken over any character development recently, I don't even know if Kaito and Aoko will even get any romantic progress. Maybe the actual identity confrontation will happen down the line, since that's thief drama, but atm, it really wouldn't surprise me if they only ask each other on a real date at the very end of the manga.
Like. I'm sure Gosho would love to make MK a love drama as well, but he writes MK so rarely, and usually as hype for something Kid related in other media. So the MK stories tend to be heavy on drama that can only take place at Kid heists. (To the point that the new chapters just. Use Kid as the plot device to show off a new character. Even Hakuba's never gotten so much 'look at this character being a detective' treatment in MK.)
-sighs- I just feel bad for MK as a series at this point. I like the characters, I like the general story idea, but. It's been going down a very steep hill with Gosho wanting things exciting, but not wanting any real progress in. Anything. But unlike old MK, the new stories aren't even nice standalone setpieces of story, they're... mundane. They could be high stakes, if you purely look at the scenarios on paper, but. We all know nothing's gonna happen to Kid. Nothing even happens to him when the actual bad guys show up, much less one-time antagonists.
We need actual character focus and development, not heist drama. Badly. Not even romance, though that'd be a nice change. Just any character expansion of our limited cast of characters. Gosho wants big, all the time, meaningless big stuff, when small would be so nice.
#And also he probably won't care to expand on KaiAo when he knows it's already canon#Like; not in the same way that ShinRan is canon endgame and he just needed to write it out#But in a 'I said these two were dating in another manga; they will exist even if I haven't written it'#And his story atm does feel like it could be left off with an ambiguous note on if they're together or not#And then just leave them dating in Yaiba for people who care about confirmation#MK is not in a stable enough state; I really don't know what he's planning with anything#And it's been so. -gestures to all the 'meaningless big stuff'- lately#I don't know if it'll ever get any shift in focus in the future#We barely get anything; all we have now is a new character people are divided about#And the tiniest continuity of Aoko thinking to herself that Kid is teasing her by reminding her of Kaito#Like; part of the problem is continuity as well; at least if Gosho wants to stick with DC-ish MK#MK has all the potential for callbacks or returning characters that could be interesting#But none of the potential that fans enjoy is ever /used/#We got all our KaiAo up front. We have suspicion arcs where it's barely mentioned that Kaito's proven his innocence in the past#They could go back to the amusement park and Aoko could mention the movie and Kaito can be sweating#Because he never saw the movie; that's then he peaced out to go heisting#There's so much. Gosho's good at adding potential to his story#But everything he comes up with to make canon ends up disappointing because he never fully uses any of it#He just adds more and more elements that go nowhere#MK is a mess that gets more and more fun to play around in; but the actual chapters are. Bad#Which might be for a reason similar to DC of we wait so long and get something extremely meh#Except instead of the months between DC cases; it's years for MK; and DC fans complain the entire time#So when MK fans are fed crumbs of... anything. It's just not as enjoyable as new content should be#(I got rambly in tags; sorry ;._. )
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
huh......
#bwark#anipoke lb#anipoke is so fucking baffling#it'll be pretty progressive by having brock do what's considered to be traditionally feminine household chores like cooking and sewing#and it's never treated as a joke. it's a strong point of his character to show how much he cares for his siblings despite he desire to#adventure out#and then it'll have some transmisogynistic episodes where the entire joke is ''haha look at ash wearing a dress''#and then it'll have moments like this where this minor character is clearly an effeminate gay man who even wears a skirt and make up#but he's not the butt of any joke. he's just a normal guy with an interesting character quirk#the main characters treat him the same as everybody else#can they make up their mind when it comes to handling gender nonconformity. preferrably in the Not transmisogynistic direction#(not saying brock or ash are gnc but like. that sort of thing in general ya know?)
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird#because there's a deadline on your immune system now#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like#oh yeah#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying#maybe im being overdramatic about all this#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this#i should stop feeling so sad about all this#and that doesn't help one fucking bit#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline#crunchy rambles
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
🌙☁️🌌
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 😑✌️
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
*email to my professor* if I threaten to kill myself in front of you will you give me the goddamn extension
#the adas speak#this is an issue bc I'm not getting my full education. i'm having to look things up on google#not by choice but bc i literally can't complete the assignments on time otherwise. and i don't get chances to go back#bc i'm severely mentally ill with 5 other classes. i simply don't have time#you know what. disability services might be hearing about this. my psychiatrist might be hearing about this#i still can't get a schizophrenia diagnosis but I feel like if there's evidence it's impacting my education maybe?#but people are really bent on paperwork and psych evals when it comes to disability services just generally. very classist#i kind of get it but also i'm from out of state so literally who do i get evaluated by ding dongs. since certification is state-based#anyways. if i complain loudly enough it'll work. it works for white women#if i can just cause problems about this i'll feel better. causing problems is my coping mechanism#to be clear i'm not admitting to cheating we're technically allowed to use google#but i of all people really need to understand what i'm doing. partly perfectionism but mostly i'm literally fucking schizophrenic#my brain straight up does not work. i need Time
3 notes
·
View notes