#so we could have more episodes from the original done in the same vein as the movie

[number-one-toku-robot-lover]

[autisticslp]

I’ve been grieving since yesterday morning when I woke up and realized that the early 90s US-Canadian sci fi show costarring Amanda Tapping I had discovered was only a dream and didn’t actually exist, and need to share this experience so other people can feel my pain.

It was three seasons (cancelled on a cliffhanger). Both stars had the same shaggy, ear length hair style with sorta bangs (I don’t know hair but I’m sure you can picture it). The opening credits were delightfully 90s sci fi (similar to shows like Sliders, The X-Files, and Mercy Point) with a slower, more guitar-heavy ending theme (evoking The Lonely Man from The Incredible Hulk). Everything was so, so low budget with moments of atrocious writing, but it didn’t take itself too seriously, had plenty of humor, and clearly was made by people who believed in the show and put a lot of love and care into it, and there was a fan-made remaster fixing the terrible CGI.

I’m a little fuzzy on the basic plot, but it featured a college age boy (main character) who stumbled onto this conspiracy that involves putting these goo into people’s blood for different purposes. Different colors of goo did different things (like special attacks) and had different percentages of control between the person, the organization, and the goo itself. The goo was released to do its thing by either intentionally cutting the skin, usually the arms, or accidental injuries, and could be “sealed” back into the person with special waxes. (Yes, I did find that whump was a cornerstone of the very small fandom.) The MC was on the run from the organization initially because he Knew Too Much, but later because he was helping the female main character avoid recapture, and eventually because they were trying to stop the organization’s plots of world domination.

Amanda Tapping’s character was an original test subject for the organization who was initially set up as an antagonist in episode seven but quickly became a hesitant-ally-turned-partner appearing in every episode after her introduction. She had several types of goo, including the pink goo (very bad, gave the organization control over her) and black goo, which she had minimal control over and would eat people (also very bad). She was the only goo combo person seen for the first season, although the second season included some 2 goo combo bad guys and the ultimate big bad from the season 3 cliffhanger had as many goos as Tapping. The several goos made it harder for the organization to control Tapping’s character, hence her escape, but also made it extremely difficult for her to control which goo was activated and when, as she is the only person we see in the show whose goo could burst out of the veins in her arms instead of requiring an external cut. The biggest danger was the black goo, which would turn into two large, feral, goo-dripping vornskr-type creatures and eat anyone in sight. However, by season two Tapping’s character started fo befriend these creatures, naming them Blizzard and Flurry, and they became protective of her and would, at least somewhat, do her bidding.

Unfortunately my dream never supplied a name for the show, but it was popular enough for Hallmark to have made sticker sets for the show (I discovered a page of Blizzard and Flurry stickers in my grandma’s things), but otherwise was largely forgotten. I was absolutely thrilled to discover it, being a huge Stargate fan (and sci fi TV fan), and was baffled that I wasn’t already familiar with something this large that Amanda Tapping had done before SG-1.

[fizzigigsimmer]

"But the writer’s intentions are obvious. We're supposed to understand that Billy is a bully who just enjoys hurting people. It’s not that deep".

Well I disagree with their take. What then? And actually it's not my responsibility to peek between the cracks of a narritive to figure out what the writers mere intentions for a character were - even if I often do and and enjoy doing so. Look if the writer has something definitive they want the audience to know or understand about the character it’s their responsibility to strongly convey that message. And I’m still free to disagree btw, and point out the flaws in their understanding of people that helped them decide these things about the character. And in that same vein, it is no viewers responsibility to hold a writer’s poorly conveyed intention for a character above their own authentic response to what was actually presented as well as the possibilities left unexplored. If we all did that a great deal of media would not exist, and fandom certainly could not. Art is a call and response medium. The artists intent informs, but it can not dictate the response of the audience.

So it’s kind of funny to me how selective some fans are about when they care about the writers intent. Cause I would argue that we the audience are meant to understand certain things about Steve, that have hilariously been rejected by the fandom as a whole. Pre Nancy we’re supposed to understand that Steve was a stereotypical 80s teen bully who just enjoyed hurting people, capable of any and all heinous acts (including the sexual assault of the heroine). We know this by the writers own admission. Obviously they decided to pivot from that more damning storyline in favor of a redemption arc, but that just left us with a lot of people merely talking about Steve’s past while relying on the audience to already be familiar with the stereotype for their imagination to do the rest of the work.

His past as a bully is not fleshed out in any great detail, leaving an open canvas for our imaginations. It’s a win for them. They have free space to fill in the blanks later if they feel like it, or they could just not. Because we get it right? We understood their intentions and that’s all that’s needed right? <<< this is sarcasm. You see that this is a sloppy and lazy way to build a character right? It also creates problems that you might otherwise avoid. When the narrative leaves too much blank space or relies too heavily on the audiences familiarity with tropes and references, they will inevitably create a character in their minds that isn’t the same one the writers might decide to develop later on.

In Season 5 the Duffers could introduce a character who says Steve bullied someone they loved into suicide and that is their villian origin story. And although it would be false to say that this is “out of character” for Steve and something he never would have done, you can bet your ass that if this was backstory they decided to develop for him that would be the major complaint in fandom. Fans would be seriously hurt and disappointed by this and it wouldn’t even necessarily be their fault. They were set up to fail.

But this proposed storyline wouldn’t truly be out of character at all, because it works with what they have told us at least once an episode for four seasons about Steve. He was a big bully, enough to justify why he apparently needs to be a whipping post every season and constantly be apologizing for his past. When this happens and he does this, we all understand that he is doing penance for all the bullying and assholery we can literally only imagine he must have done; but is it enough? Not for good writing, no. I know I am not alone in being tired of this and feeling like they either need to give me some major context that explains just what he did that was so awful or stop.

Not only are most of us tired of the “Steve is making up for the past” narrative rod, because the narrative never actually showed us Steve doing anything remotely deserving of this never ending arc of penance, the audience has already rejected the Duffers intentions for Steve Harrington and embraced the character nurtured by their own perception.I will repeat, Beloved, the audience failed to understand. In the minds of the audience Steve Harrington is everything BUT a bully. He's bae. A misunderstood loverboy just waiting to swoop in and be the perfect boyfriend to whichever character they relate to most. He’s daddy. He’s baby. He’s a fluffy cinnamon roll and a surrogate mother who never cusses where his littles can hear him, the leader of the local BLM chapter, and he’s here to tell you that it does in fact get better #Bi #Icon. 😂

His flaws are all justified by the imaginary abuse he must have suffered at the hands of parents that (at best) we can infer from the canon are neglectful. And don’t get me wrong neglect is in fact a form of child abuse and I don’t deny that. I’m just saying it’s not a lot to go on. They literally gave us nothing and used the excuse that his parents are distant to never have to think about them again. And people use that glaring sloppiness to white wash the straight forward narrative (however lazy and uninspired) that he was a raving 80s teen movie sterotype purely for the sake of being one and then he fell in love with a good girl and came to jesus. 😆 The fact that Steve is one of the few characters to actually display homophobia is lost in the annals of time for a lot of fandom, in favor of exploring explicit sexual attraction between him and insert male of choice Billy. Do not fucking @ me, you were there! You saw it. Joe Kerry did not give one flying fuck and neither do I. Love that for him honestly.

I enjoy rejecting the soggy pile of Character Oh’s - All your favorite tropes, same great taste! the Duffers like to serve up, in order to read between the lines and explore the unexplored as much as the next Steve fan. Love that for me! And unlike a lot of people I actually appreciate exploring the darker side of the character, but that’s just me. I’m Billy, out here wanting to see this King Steve I keep hearing about. 😂 Where is he at Duffers?!!!!

So coming back to the subject of Billy, I’m going to end this with ‘fuck off. I understood the writers intentions just fine.

[alexcutecolly]

youre 1000% right. he is so truly nice but desperate to have something better in the world and he would be so relaxing to be around most times like i am always saying this. i bet being swallowed by him feels like a hug every time. love thinking about him being really playful like this

v.olo uwu anon

Oh hi again v.olo uwu anon! 💕

He's a wonder to be around fr!! 😭❤️ To me he's the sweetest guy in all of H.isui, you could even fall asleep by his side if you're hanging out with him or something, it feels so cozy and peaceful! He's just got that chill, home sweet home aura! 🥺❤️

And I feel like his cheerful demeanor would transmit sooo well to vore as you said, since staying inside his belly would equal the most wholesome, wonderful and warmest hug he could give! I'd love to be surrounded by him that way tbh! 🥺❤️

Warning: Major spoilers for P.okemon Legends: A.rceus below!

The combination of protective and playful fits him perfectly imo, omg! And I can see him poke his gut to tease us a bit xD plus after eating us he could start reading a mythology book, or take a nap to relax x3 gosh, this is giving me more ideas for vore stories to write about him!! ❤️ Originally I had slightly more... twisted plans (100% safe as always ofc, dw), but lovely vore fluff is so neat too!! 🥺

Talking about how he feels though, it pains me to see how much he must have suffered ;-; he keeps asking himself if he's unworthy of A.rceus's attention since it favored the MC instead of him, despite everything he's done to even be acknowledged by it ;-;

"I've devoted myself to A.rceus beyond any other! I worshiped it as the creator of our entire world! I bent all of my passion and interest to its study! All the time I've spent poring over the legends... Everything that I've done—!"

And even when he's defeated he goes:

"How? How could this happen?! Almighty A.rceus, if you have any heart within you, then tell me...

The blood of the ancient S.innoh people flows in my veins, does it not?! What is it, then, that you find so lacking in me?!

Do you mean to tell me that this world doesn't need to be remade?"

Also, him asking us if we have dreams like he does literally makes my heart ache ;-; ;-; (and it reminded me of N. as well ;-;)

In general, I think he perceives himself as a very lonely individual, and it gets worse since nobody even goes to look for him after the final battle (I'd do it myself if the game just let me, aksbdejsbsn) and pretty much everyone simply accepts that he was the villain and moves on ;-;

His loneliness got me thinking nonetheless. Despite him being able to hide it behind his usual happy-go-lucky attitude, some of it could still come through. For example, he could enjoy our company a lot more than it seems, and with vore it'd work the same way since a pred is technically not alone after nomming somebody. So he could also rub his middle and take in all the positive feelings that come with eating a close person in safety x3 ❤️

"In the end, I was alone... But not you."

To be honest, I wish we could say goodbye to him before he leaves, or at least see him tell professor L.aventon what happened, oof ;-; we saw him from a brief moment tho in the second H.isuian Snow episode! That gives me a lil bit of hope xDD

In any case, G.amefreak please bring him baaaaaack!!! (Alive, possibly ;-;) We miss him!!! 😭😭

[uomo-accattivante]

Excellent article about bringing a re-make of Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes from a Marriage to fruition, and the twenty-year friendship that Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain share:

There were days on the shoot for “Scenes From a Marriage,” a five-episode limited series that premieres Sept. 12 on HBO, when Oscar Isaac resented the crew.

The problem wasn’t the crew members themselves, he told me on a video call in March. But the work required of him and his co-star, Jessica Chastain, was so unsparingly intimate — “And difficult!” Chastain added from a neighboring Zoom window — that every time a camera operator or a makeup artist appeared, it felt like an intrusion.

On his other projects, Isaac had felt comfortably distant from the characters and their circumstances — interplanetary intrigue, rogue A.I. But “Scenes” surveys monogamy and parenthood, familiar territory. Sometimes Isaac would film a bedtime scene with his onscreen child (Lily Jane) and then go home and tuck his own child into the same model of bed as the one used onset, accessorized with the same bunny lamp, and not know exactly where art ended and life began.

“It was just a lot,” he said.

Chastain agreed, though she put it more strongly. “I mean, I cried every day for four months,” she said.

Isaac, 42, and Chastain, 44, have known each other since their days at the Juilliard School. And they have channeled two decades of friendship, admiration and a shared and obsessional devotion to craft into what Michael Ellenberg, one of the series’s executive producers, called “five hours of naked, raw performance.” (That nudity is metaphorical, mostly.)

“For me it definitely felt incredibly personal,” Chastain said on the call in the spring, about a month after filming had ended. “That’s why I don’t know if I have another one like this in me. Yeah, I can’t decide that. I can’t even talk about it without. …” She turned away from the screen. (It was one of several times during the call that I felt as if I were intruding, too.)

The original “Scenes From a Marriage,” created by Ingmar Bergman, debuted on Swedish television in 1973. Bergman’s first television series, its six episodes trace the dissolution of a middle-class marriage. Starring Liv Ullmann, Bergman’s ex, it drew on his own past relationships, though not always directly.

“When it comes to Bergman, the relationship between autobiography and fiction is extremely complicated,” said Jan Holmberg, the chief executive of the Ingmar Bergman Foundation.

A sensation in Sweden, it was seen by most of the adult population. And yes, sure, correlation does not imply causation, but after its debut, Swedish divorce were rumored to have doubled. Holmberg remembers watching a rerun as a 10-year-old.

“It was a rude awakening to adult life,” he said.

The writer and director Hagai Levi saw it as a teenager, on Israeli public television, during a stint on a kibbutz. “I was shocked,” he said. The series taught him that a television series could be radical, that it could be art. When he created “BeTipul,” the Israeli precursor to “In Treatment,” he used “Scenes” as proof of the concept “that two people can talk for an hour and it can work,” Levi said. (Strangely, “Scenes” also inspired the prime-time soap “Dallas.”)

So when Daniel Bergman, Ingmar Bergman’s youngest son, approached Levi about a remake, he was immediately interested.

But the project languished, in part because loving a show isn’t reason enough to adapt it. Divorce is common now — in Sweden, and elsewhere — and the relationship politics of the original series, in which the male character deserts his wife and young children for an academic post, haven’t aged particularly well.

Then about two years ago, Levi had a revelation. He would swap the gender roles. A woman who leaves her marriage and child in pursuit of freedom (with a very hot Israeli entrepreneur in place of a visiting professorship) might still provoke conversation and interest.

So the Marianne and Johan of the original became Mira and Jonathan, with a Boston suburb (re-created in a warehouse just north of New York City), stepping in for the Stockholm of the original. Jonathan remains an academic though Mira, a lawyer in the original, is now a businesswoman who out-earns him.

Casting began in early 2020. After Isaac met with Levi, he wrote to Chastain to tell her about the project. She wasn’t available. The producers cast Michelle Williams. But the pandemic reshuffled everyone’s schedules. When production was ready to resume, Williams was no longer free. Chastain was. “That was for me the most amazing miracle,” Levi said.

Isaac and Chastain met in the early 2000s at Juilliard. He was in his first year; she, in her third. He first saw her in a scene from a classical tragedy, slapping men in the face as Helen of Troy. He was friendly with her then-boyfriend, and they soon became friends themselves, bonding through the shared trauma of an acting curriculum designed to break its students down and then build them back up again. Isaac remembered her as “a real force of nature and solid, completely solid, with an incredible amount of integrity,” he said.

In the next window, Chastain blushed. “He was super talented,” she said. “But talented in a way that wasn’t expected, that’s challenging and pushing against constructs and ideas.” She introduced him to her manager, and they celebrated each other’s early successes and went to each other’s premieres. (A few of those photos are used in “Scenes From a Marriage” as set dressing.)

In 2013, Chastain was cast in J.C. Chandor’s “A Most Violent Year,”opposite Javier Bardem. When Bardem dropped out, Chastain campaigned for Isaac to have the role. Weeks before shooting, they began to meet, fleshing out the back story of their characters — a husband and wife trying to corner the heating oil market in 1981 New York — the details of the marriage, business, life.

It was their first time working together, and each felt a bond that went deeper than a parallel education and approach. “Something connects us that’s stronger than any ideas of character or story or any of that,” Isaac said. “There’s something else that’s more about like, a shared existence.”

Chandor noticed how they would support each other on set, and challenge each other, too, giving each other the freedom to take the characters’ relationship to dark and dangerous places. “They have this innate trust with each other,” Chandor said.

That trust eliminated the need for actorly tricks or shortcuts, in part because they know each other’s tricks too well. Their motto, Isaac said, was, “Let’s figure this [expletive] out together and see what’s the most honest thing we can do.”

Moni Yakim, Juilliard’s celebrated movement instructor, has followed their careers closely and he noted what he called the “magnetism and spiritual connection” that they suggested onscreen in the film.

“It’s a kind of chemistry,” Yakim said. “They can read each other’s mind and you as an audience, you can sense it.”

Telepathy takes work. When they knew that shooting “Scenes From a Marriage” could begin, Chastain bought a copy of “All About Us,” a guided journal for couples, and filled in her sections in character as Mira. Isaac brought it home and showed it to his wife, the filmmaker Elvira Lind.

“She was like, ‘You finally found your match,’” Isaac recalled. “’Someone that is as big of a nerd as you are.’”

The actors rehearsed, with Levi and on their own, talking their way through each long scene, helping each other through the anguished parts. When production had to halt for two weeks, they rehearsed then, too.

Watching these actors work reminded Amy Herzog, a writer and executive producer on the series, of race horses in full gallop. “These are two people who have so much training and skill,” she said. “Because it’s an athletic feat, what they were being asked to do.”

But training and skill and the “All About Us” book hadn’t really prepared them for the emotional impact of actually shooting “Scenes From a Marriage.” Both actors normally compartmentalize when they work, putting up psychic partitions between their roles and themselves. But this time, the partitions weren’t up to code.

“I knew I was in trouble the very first week,” Chastain said.

She couldn’t hide how the scripts affected her, especially from someone who knows her as well as Isaac does. “I just felt so exposed,” she said. “This to me, more than anything I’ve ever worked on, was definitely the most open I’ve ever been.”

“It felt so dangerous,” she said.

I visited the set in February (after multiple Covid-19 tests and health screenings) during a final day of filming. It was the quietest set I had ever seen: The atmosphere was subdued, reverent almost, a crew and a studio space stripped down to only what two actors would need to do the most passionate and demanding work of their careers.

Isaac didn’t know if he would watch the completed series. “It really is the first time ever, where I’ve done something where I’m totally fine never seeing this thing,” he said. “Because I’ve really lived through it. And in some ways I don’t want whatever they decide to put together to change my experience of it, which was just so intense.”

The cameras captured that intensity. Though Chastain isn’t Mira and Isaac isn’t Jonathan, each drew on personal experience — their parents’ marriages, past relationships — in ways they never had. Sometimes work on the show felt like acting, and sometimes the work wasn’t even conscious. There’s a scene in the harrowing fourth episode in which they both lie crumpled on the floor, an identical stress vein bulging in each forehead.

“It’s my go-to move, the throbbing forehead vein,” Isaac said on a follow-up video call last month. Chastain riffed on the joke: “That was our third year at Juilliard, the throb.”

By then, it had been five months since the shoot wrapped. Life had returned to something like normal. Jokes were possible again. Both of them seemed looser, more relaxed. (Isaac had already poured himself one tequila shot and was ready for another.) No one cried.

Chastain had watched the show with her husband. And Isaac, despite his initial reluctance, had watched it, too. It didn’t seem to have changed his experience.

“I’ve never done anything like it,” he said. “And I can’t imagine doing anything like it again.”

###

[crab-instruments]

Dust in the Wind Part 7 (tbb)

Master <Part 6 Part 8>

Pairing: Hunter x Secret Jedi! Reader (GN)

Rating and warning: General audience, feelings

Words: 1.1k

a/n: On this episode of the Baddy Bunch, we get real deep and talk about stuff. It's that one episode the writers snuck in to have something different. Nothing happens, so I wanted to post it now.

The ship was quiet on the way back to Ord Mantell, everyone but you and Tech sleeping in their bunks. Tech sat in the pilot seat, you in the seat next to him. You found yourself here a lot during the journeys you took with the Batch; the expanse of hyperspace gave you solace. Even though you weren’t in trouble, per say, you were left with a feeling of uneasiness after the day’s events. You sensed it course through your body, using your veins and nerves to keep you awake. It was loudest in your brain, your thoughts unrelenting. You felt as if you needed to do something but nothing you could do would actually comfort you, solve the problem you seemed to have. You had your knees to your chest and your chin resting on them, in a tight wad of anxious, humming energy.

It was a relaxed silence in the cockpit, at least, with neither you nor Tech feeling the need to say anything. He focused on the holopad in his hands intently. You almost asked a few times what held his attention so tightly, more just for conversation than in an interest in the subject. Tech’s info dumping was something you found endearing. Having such passion in different subjects, enough to be overfilled with knowledge and then wanting to share it with others, it was obvious to you Tech shared his excitement with those he kept close to show he loved them. You’d never say that to him, though, he either already knew that or he would figure it out one day.

Echo’s voice cut through your thoughts, “Tech, you can go to sleep now, and I’ll take watch.”

Without so much of a movement, Tech replied to his brother. “I will in a few, I want to check all the files in this database first. You can go back to sleep, and I’ll wake you up when I’m done.”

Echo chuckled. “Yeah, sure, so you can fall asleep right there and I get in trouble for not taking my shift. Do you just like sleeping in the pilot seat?” At the accusation, Tech turned in his seat to face his brother, finally removing his eyes from the holopad.

“That has only happened three ti—” “Four.” “Four times yet you refuse to let it go. I’ll be done in a moment, sit down.”

Seeing the boys bicker brought a smile to your face and you loosened your grip on your legs. This really was a family, and you made the right decision in protecting this home, if only they could have moments like this.

“So, Maxis,” Echo switched his attention to you while taking a seat in the chair behind Tech, “you were a part of the GAR at one point?” I was wrong, I made a mistake, I should have run away.

You hummed in response, not wanting to give specific details. You did notice; however, Tech’s hands had stopped fiddling with the holopad, and his eyes seemed to be focused on you.

“What did you do, exactly? The army was big so it’s not likely we would have run into each other but—”

“We couldn’t have,” you shook your head.

“How are you so sure?”

“I… left not long after the Clone Wars started.”

Tech seemed to have decided something and went back to searching. Echo, on the other hand, had gone quiet for a moment to take in what you just said.

“You left? Why, if I may ask?”

Running your hand through your hair, you stared forward back at hyperspace. “I didn’t agree with how the Clone Army was being used, living beings made to be expendable. Disposable lives used to keep those in power safe to make decisions that will never affect them. It went against what the Or—… what the Grand Republic stood for. I did my best to push against the grain, treat each Clone— each soldier as an individual. But… it became too much.”

Your confession hung heavy in the air, the uneasiness settling back in like a thick fog.

“We were trained to fight and were honored to give our lives for the Republic.” Yeah, but that’s how you were raised, your life was taken from you. Didn’t know any different.

“Programmed.” Tech still has his attention on the holopad. “We saw that especially with Order 66.”

Order 66… is that what they called the Purge?

“How did you…”

“Not kill every Jedi on sight? Not join the Empire?” Echo finished for you. “The event that… turned me part droid… damaged the chip they put in us. For the rest of the Batch, they were just too annoying to follow orders.” Echo had such a way in changing the mood.

“Actually,” you didn’t have to look, but Tech held one finger up to make his point, “our mutations made the order ineffective, the same desirable mutations that allow us to disobey orders. Well, except Crosshair for a bit.”

“Yeah, yeah, same thing.”

You looked at Tech. “Wait. Mutations? I knew you were… different… but…”

“Yes, each original member of the Batch has an enhanced skill. I collect and digest knowledge faster than any, Wrecker is incredibly strong and good with explosives, Crosshair is the most accurate sharpshooter and marksmen you’ll ever meet—”

“What about Hunter?” Your enthusiastic curiosity got the better of you, which did not go unnoticed by the two Clones. Echo had a slight knowing smirk cross his face, which you did not appreciate what that could lead to.

“As I was saying, Hunter can track anything using his enhanced senses.” As the knowledge sank in, all the bits and pieces about how Hunter knew things made sense.

Kriffing stars. You couldn’t stop the pout on your face as you realized why it was hard to keep things from Hunter.

“Omega never had a chip, but she is a different type of clone.”

“Putting that all together, the seven of you make a real wacky family traveling the galaxy in a beat-up ship. Could make for a great holoshow,” you said with a slight smile.

Echo stood up. “But don’t forget the mysterious rogue mechanic who hid in the ‘fresher. It’ll make for a great story arc,” the smirk on his face was back, but softer. “Tech, go to bed. Maxis, you can take my bunk since it’s free. You really should sleep on something that isn’t a chair, especially since you exerted yourself today. Otherwise, you’ll really regret it.”

You stood up and gave an exaggerated salute before turning on your heels to the bunks, no point in arguing with mom. He rolled his eyes, understanding the joke you were making but was happy you weren’t putting up a fight like you had previously. Tech followed closely behind.

Part 8

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[akajulester]

further thoughts on Higurashi Gou/Sotsu (spoilers for Higurashi and Umineko ep3)

warning: long rant incoming haha

I think my two biggest problems with these seasons is how they focused way more on the supernatural/magic elements of the When They Cry franchise and less on the original Higurashi’s emphasis on natural explanations, and how the characters were completely devoid of the life they had in the original.

I’ve only just started getting into Umineko and I understand it also leaves a lot of room for a non-magical explanation, but you can’t deny it focuses way more on magic than Higurashi ever did.

The thing I found most interesting when I first watched Higurashi was how the mystery had a very human and realistic explanation. While a mystical divine curse is cool, the whole plot being the result of a human character taking advantage of a fictional parasite and medicine to essentially create the mystical divine curse is far more compelling - the audience is allowed to piece together the mystery along with the characters and isn’t shut down by “a wizard did it.”

And that isn’t to say Higurashi is completely devoid of magic or the divine. Hanyuu is some kind of mystical deity who gave Rika a supernatural power (looping) and is able to manifest in the real world and directly affect the course of events (such as making Takano miss her shot). Higurashi is just a perfect blend of supernatural and more realistic storytelling.

Gou and Sotsu, on the other hand, went much harder on the supernatural/magic aspect seen in Umineko. Not only is it a worse magic vs human mystery than Umineko, it’s just completely different from what Higurashi is at its core. The complex, interweaving mystery that at first seems unsolvable but later makes sense was replaced with a much simpler “whodunnit” where the answers were obvious, especially after Satoko was revealed to be the second looper. The introduction of straight-up magic and powerful witch entities dumbs down the story, in a sense.

To be fair, Gou and Sotsu do have a human explanation as well, specifically in the vein of the human explanations seen in Umineko. Just as Eva-Beatrice in Episode 3 can be interpreted as a personification of Eva going crazy and murdering her family, Rika and Satoko’s big magical-girl fight could be interpreted as a metaphor for their fight. However, this rings a little hollow when the last episode essentially says “nah, they definitely turned into Bernkastel and Lambdadelta.” It feels like there’s almost no room for a true human explanation.

The other thing I found most compelling about Higurashi is the characters, more specifically how they interacted with each other and felt like very real people. I want to read the sound novels at some point mainly because I’ve heard the anime didn’t fully do the characters justice by cutting out small but important moments. Mion and Shion especially were amazing, their dynamic as twins was probably one of the best I’ve ever seen in storytelling. Also, the main message of Higurashi is literally about the power of friendship, and it portrays it in such an amazing way you forget the sentiment is a bit cheesy.

And yet, Gou/Sotsu ignored every single character who wasn’t Rika or Satoko (except maybe Hanyuu and Eua). While I can understand the decision to focus on them since the only point of the show was apparently to set up Bernkastel and Lambdadelta, it actually makes them feel more hollow and lifeless, to me at least.

Keiichi’s lack of presence was especially baffling in this regard. He was arguably the main reason Rika was able to break out of the loops at all, as he helped inspire her with the idea a miracle could happen if their entire group of friends worked together. And with Satoko, he became her big brother figure! The fact that Gou/Sotsu not only push their relationship off to the wayside but also have Satoko get Keiichi murdered in horrifically brutal ways AND purposely inject him with Hinamizawa Syndrome without any shred of remorse or guilt is disgusting. Are you seriously telling me Satoko had a massive internal struggle over taking advantage of Teppei (y’know, the guy who abused her and her brother and severely traumatized them), but felt absolutely nothing over torturing Keiichi, the boy who she knows has fought to save her from said abusive uncle in multiple worlds and would literally kill for her??? Wtf???

The same thing goes for the almost non-existence of Shion in Gou/Sotsu. Shion also has a very strong relationship with Satoko (except for the worlds where she goes crazy and brutally murders her lmao) and has ALSO threatened to kill that abusive uncle for hurting Satoko, something Satoko would know full well after watching all of Rika’s loops. It’s reasonable Satoko would have more ambiguous feelings about Shion (since, again, Shion has killed her in Watanagashi arcs), but I find it bizarre she would be this willing to brutally murder, torture, and directly cause events leading others to murder/torture her surrogate big sister and surrogate big brother.

The whole story in general is baffling when you consider Satoko’s character. Are we seriously supposed to believe her drifting apart from a close friend is somehow more traumatic to her than the isolation and exclusion she experienced from her entire town and the literal abuse she went through from her aunt and uncle? You can’t even really use the “oh the town didn’t actually want to persecute her family tho” argument because that doesn’t negate Satoko’s experience of living through it. It’s especially dumb when you consider Gou/Sotsu somehow make Satoko’s argument “I don’t wanna study waaahhhhh” as if it makes any sense when you know these characters.

Don’t even get me started on how nobody even reacts to Satoko’s bullshit. The original Higurashi had characters sometimes remember past arcs/worlds, and Gou explicitly stated Satoko’s loops meant characters would remember even more. And yet, all that happens is Takano and Teppei reforming. What??? I expected the ending to involve Keiichi, Rena, Mion, and Shion realizing what Satoko had done to them and getting rightfully angry with Rika over what Satoko did to all of them. The show should’ve ended with the group cutting her off for being so fucking awful to them. Jfc...

In the end, I think Gou was fine and Tatariakashi-hen in Sotsu was cool, but this show just felt so empty compared to the original Higurashi and Umineko. Both stories are focused on the CHARACTERS, and while there are main characters in both who get more focus than the rest of the cast, every single character’s interactions with each other are vital to what makes their stories compelling. Dropping all of that to hone in on 2 specific characters actually robs even those characters of their depth and vividness.

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn���t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[paralleljulieverse]

‘Gentlemen like you are few...’: A Supercentenary Tribute to Irwin Kostal

1 October 2021 marks the 110th anniversary of the birth of Irwin Kostal, the musical arranger, orchestrator and conductor whose work helped shape the sound of the post-war American stage and screen musical. In this post we look back at the career of this remarkable 'music man’ with a particular focus on his collaborations with the equally remarkable Julie Andrews -- who, as it happens, shares the same birthday, so this post is doing double birthday honours.

A gentle, unassuming man, Kostal or ‘Irv’ as he was known by associates, was not one for the limelight. It’s possibly why he gravitated to the ‘behind-the-scenes’ art of musical arranging. Unlike composers, performers, or even conductors, arrangers seldom loom large in public perceptions of professional musicianship. They are, for the most part, the ‘invisible artists’ of the music industry: their contributions to the sound and experience of music are immense, but they remain largely ‘uncredited in records, liner notes or books or records’ (Niles 2104, p. 4). That Irwin Kostal would ultimately prove a rare exception to this tradition of thankless anonymity -- becoming sufficiently well-known to have his own name not only included on recordings, but emblazoned on the front cover alongside those of the ‘star’ vocalists with whom he worked -- is a testament to the singularity of his talents. 

Born the son of first generation immigrant parents in Chicago in 1911, Kostal claimed he was instantly ‘smitten’ by music when he saw a piano at the age of two-and-a-half, but his family was too poor to afford such luxuries. Moreover, his father -- a hard-drinking Czech with a fiery temper -- was ‘rigidly opposed’ to his interests in music and ‘could see no future in it’ (’Irwin’ 1962, p. 70). So Kostal initially had to content himself with listening and absorbing as much musical knowledge as he could indirectly. When he was eleven, his father finally brought home a broken player piano salvaged from a removals job and it provided the young Kostal with the launch pad he needed. 

Kostal devoted himself to his musical education with single-minded zeal. His formal training was intermittent -- enabled by a supportive mother who ‘surreptitiously managed to save money from her weekly allowance for my musical instruction’ (’Irwin’ 1962, p. 70) -- but he was a passionate autodidact who would spend countless hours studying and practising on his own. By age 15, he was already playing professionally with local touring bands, while also offering his own services as a piano teacher with, at one point, more than 40 pupils (ibid.).

When he wasn’t playing, Kostal would be found in the local library poring over musical scores and reading about the greats of the classical canon. He was particularly intrigued by orchestration and the possibilities it offered for varying the sound and feel of music. He recalls how he would take orchestral scores home and study all the parts learning ‘about musical instruments I never knew existed’ (Suskin 2009, p. 56).  He progressively worked his way through the music of the masters, going alphabetically: 

‘Bach...Beethoven, Brahms, Debussy, Elgar, Frank, Gounod, on and on through the alphabet...I tried to absorb everything. By the time I came to Ravel, Tchaikovsky and Wagner, I knew quite a lot about music in a jumbled way’ (Suskin 2009, p. 57).

While still in his teens, Kostal started to experiment with arrangements of his own, scoring a high school production of Uncle Tom’s Cabin with multiple variations on the American folk melody ‘Way Down upon the Swanee River’. ‘By taking away the rhythmic aspects and playing it in a minor key,’ he recounts, ‘I found lots of ways to play this song, making it fit the dramatics of the half-hour long story’ (ibid., p. 56). Thus, Irwin Kostal the arranger was born.

Throughout the 1930s and early-40s, Kostal honed his talents in a professional capacity, working with various big bands, before finally landing a job as a resident arranger for an NBC radio affiliate in Chicago. Following the war, Kostal moved to New York where, after a rocky start, he secured regular work as conductor and arranger on a number of long-running radio and TV variety shows including Your Show of Shows (1950-54), Max Liebman Presents (1954-56), and The Garry Moore Show (1959-63). It was demanding, fast-paced work with Kostal having to arrange and orchestrate hundreds of score pages a week, but it consolidated his musical versatility and capacity to work across a wide range of styles and forms (Suskin 2009, pp. 57-60).

Throughout this period, Kostal was also orchestrating for Broadway shows, racking up over 52 credits on theatre productions big and small (Allen 1995, p. 18). Many of these assignments were done in a ‘ghost-writer’ capacity including contributing work to such classic musicals as Wonderful Town (1953), The Pajama Game (1953) and Silk Stockings (1955). A major breakthrough came when Kostal was contracted to work in a credited capacity as co-orchestrator on the original Broadway production of West Side Story (1958) -- collaborating with Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim and Sid Ramin. It earned him his first Grammy Award and a subsequent invitation to arrange and orchestrate a string of other big Broadway musicals including Fiorello! (1959), Sail Away (1961) and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1962).

The success of West Side Story also saw Kostal do repeat honours on the film version (1961) which would, in turn, earn him an Academy Award and kickstart a hugely successful Hollywood career. In 1963, Kostal was invited by none other than Walt Disney to take on the major job of arranging the songs for Mary Poppins (1964) which had been written by the in-house Disney composing team of Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman. The Sherman Brothers claim to have suggested Kostal because they were fans of his Broadway work and they wanted a bright theatrical sound for the score. However, Walt Disney demurred. He reasoned it was a period film and they needed someone who could write music for any style or era, suggesting they get the musical director from The Garry Moore Show instead. Cue mutual delight when it was discovered they were all referring to the same man, Irwin Kostal (Sherman & Sherman 1998; Suskin 2009, p. 65).

Kostal’s work on Mary Poppins catapulted him to new heights of mainstream success. It not only secured him another Academy Award nomination -- he lost to Andre Previn for his work on My Fair Lady -- but it also brought him a tidy fortune in royalties from the film’s best-selling soundtrack album (’Kostal’s’ $65,000′, 57). His fame -- and fortune -- skyrocketed even further the following year when Kostal was contracted to arrange the score for The Sound of Music (1965). His dazzling efforts on this box-office blockbuster confirmed Kostal’s status as Hollywood’s presiding musical wonder-boy and saw him walk home with his second Oscar. A string of other big screen musicals followed including Half a Sixpence (1967), Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) and Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971). 

Many of these films were repeat collaborations because Kostal favoured working with people he knew and with whom he clicked personally and creatively. He would for example continue as the de facto ‘house’ arranger for Disney well into the 1980s, working on various assignments for the studio including Pete’s Dragon (1978), Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983) and the controversial re-recorded 1982 release of Fantasia (1940/1982) (Tietyan 1990). Kostal would also maintain a long association with the Sherman Brothers, acting as musical arranger for all their big screen musicals including the aforementioned Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) and Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971), as well as Tom Sawyer (1973); Charlotte’s Web (1973); and The Magic of Lassie (1978) (Sherman & Sherman 1998).

The other great collaboration of Kostal’s career was of course with Julie Andrews. Perhaps it was the fact that the pair shared the same birthday but Kostal had an extraordinarily sympathetic relationship with Julie and he would work with her more than any other vocalist. Long before they teamed on Poppins and The Sound of Music, Julie and ‘Irv’ were making musical magic together. Kostal was the arranger and conductor for Julie’s first two solo albums for RCA: The Lass with the Delicate Air (1957) and Julie Andrews Sings (1958) where his sensitive facility with a wide range of musical idioms from English classical to Broadway and Tin Pan Alley came to the fore. Reviewing the first of these albums at the time of its original release, one music critic lauded it as ‘a record to charm every member of the family...[with] a combination of sincerity and simplicity and wholesome sweetness...Thank goodness arranger and conductor Irwin Kostal met the challenge and set the ballads winningly without overpowering Miss Andrews’ light pure tones’ (RRS 1958, p. 5A). In a similar vein, another reviewer praised the second album for ‘its charming unforced version of standards, well known and almost forgotten...Miss Andrews still sings naturally and purely [and] the deft accompaniments played by an orchestra under Irwin Kostal are agreeably restrained’ (Masters 1959, p. 11).

In this early period Kostal also worked with Julie as guest star on several episodes of The Garry Moore Show, where he was resident musical director. In this context, Kostal was pivotal in helping establish the legendary teaming of Julie and Carol Burnett which came out of the Garry Moore appearances. He would go on to act as musical director for their breakout 1962 TV special Julie and Carol at Carnegie Hall which would earn Kostal his first Emmy (Taraborelli 1988, pp. 172-79). He would secure his second Emmy a few years later working with Julie again on the 1965 variety special, The Julie Andrews Show (1965) where, among other highlights, Kostal scored a series of stellar song-and-dance medleys for Julie and guest star Gene Kelly. The same year, Kostal teamed up with Julie on yet another recording with the 1965 edition of the annual Firestone Christmas albums. 

It was however their combined work on the two big musical mega-hits, Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music, that secured the Kostal-Andrews partnership a place in the history books. A cultural phenomenon of the highest order, the soundtrack recordings for these two films remain among the most successful albums of all time. Mary Poppins held the #1 spot on the US national music charts for 14 consecutive weeks in 1964, beating out Elvis Presley and The Beatles (Hollis and Erhbar 2006, pp.72ff). The album for The Sound of Music sold over 9 million copies in its first four years of release alone, remaining in the Billboard Top 100 for an unbelievable five-and-a-half years, and becoming the highest selling LP of all-time in the US up to that date (Murrells, 1978)  The Sound of Music continued its record-breaking run abroad, dominating the international charts and holding the #1 spot for 75 weeks in Australia, 73 weeks in Norway and 70 weeks in the UK, becoming in the process the single biggest selling album worldwide of the 1960s (Harker, 1992, pp. 189-91).

Commentators have frequently singled out the combination of Julie Andrews’ soaring vocals and Kostal’s dynamic arrangements as instrumental to the phenomenal success of these two albums. ‘Miss Andrews glows--positively glows--right through the record groove, vinyl disc, amplifiers, speakers, and all other mechanical barriers,’ enthused one contemporary reviewer of the Mary Poppins soundtrack, noting how the ‘songs that Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman have written’ and ‘the handsome arrangements by Irwin Kostal have the perfect balance ‘of lilt and flair to provide Miss Andrews with an effective working basis’ (Wilson 1965, p. 109). Apropos The Sound of Music, another critic pronounced it ‘as good a reproduction of a score as has ever been made’, noting how it ‘presents Julie in a most appealing role and given the splendid musical direction of Irwin Kostal, her talent comes shining through...as a treat beyond measure’ (Moore 1965, p. B6). 

In total, Julie Andrews and Irwin Kostal would work together on six recordings, two musical motion pictures, two television specials, and a host of other TV appearances representing some of the very best of Julie’s musical work during her heyday of the 1960s. Considered alongside the wealth of Kostal’s other work across film, stage, television and recording, it’s hard not to concur with Disney’s Nelson Meecham who, on the occasion of Kostal’s passing in 1994, eulogised: ‘He brought the joy of music to more people than it is possible to count’ (Allen, p. 19).

Sources:

Allen, John F 1995. ‘Remembering a Music Man: On the life and work of Irwin Kostal.’ Boxoffice. August: pp. 18-19.

Harker, Dave 1992. ‘Still Crazy After All These Years: What was popular music in the 1960s?” Cultural Revolution? The challenge of the arts in the 1960s. Bart Moore-Gilbert and John Seed, eds. Routledge, London and New York: pp. 186-200.

Hollis, Tim and Erhbar, Greg 2006. Mouse Tracks: The Story of Walt Disney Records. Jackson: University Press of Mississippi.

‘Irwin Kostal: Music in all its many forms is his life.’ (1962). The Province. 2 June: p. 70.

’Kostal’s’ $65,000 Poppins Score’ 1965. Variety. 10 March: p. 57

Levy, Charles 1964. Mary Poppins: About the stars and photo-story features [Press kit]. Buena Vista Distribution, New York. 

Masters, John 1959. ‘Off the Record: Enchanting Music.’ The Age. 7 January: p. 11.

Moore, Robert 1965. ‘Record Turntable: Julie Andrews out in front again in film album of”Sound of Music”.’ The Arizona Daily Star. 7 March: p. B6.

Murrells, Joseph, ed. 1978. Book of Golden Discs: Records that sold a million. Barrie & Jenkins, New York.

Niles, Richard 2014. The Invisible Artist: Arrangers in popular music (1950-2000). BMI, London.

Oliver, Myrna. 1994. ‘Obituaries: Irwin Kostal; Film, TV Orchestrator.’ The Los Angeles Times. 1 December: P. B8.

RRS 1958. ‘On the Record: ‘Lass with the Delicate Air.’ Bristol Herald Courier. 9 February: p. 5A.

Sherman, Robert B &  Sherman, Richard M 1998. Walt's Time: From before to beyond. Camphor Tree, Santa Clarita, CA.

Suskin, Steven 2009. The Sound of Broadway Music: A book of orchestrators and orchestrations, Oxford University Press, New York.

Taraborelli, J. Randy 1988. Laughing Till It Hurts: The complete life and career of Carol Burnett. William Morrow & Co, New York.

Tietyan, David 1990. The Musical World of Walt Disney. H. Leonard, Milwaukee, Wis. 

Wilson, John S. 1965. ‘The Lighter Side’. High Fidelity Magazine. 15: 4: pp. 107-111.

© 2021, Brett Farmer. All Rights Reserved.

[aeternallis]

Unpacking the Anti-Sessrin Argument :: Father/Daughter & Grooming

While I was watching AxelBeats’ newest video on the Sessrin discourse, it got me thinking that maybe the reason why the Anti-Sessrin argument even exists in the first place is because Rumiko Takahashi never fully defined Sessrin’s relationship. The audience had different interpretations, of course, but she never explicitly named whatever it is between them. 

It sounds like I’m just stating the obvious, but hear me out. It often baffles me whenever the antis describe Sesshoumaru as having raised, essentially “groomed” Rin for the purpose of sexual gratification. I mean—that’s pretty much the definition of “grooming,” isn’t it: to consistently lower a child’s emotional defenses and befriend them, for the purpose of sex.

But in that same vein, the anti-Sessrin argument also claims (at least most of the time) that Sesshoumaru and Rin also had a father/daughter relationship, from the context of the original show.

Which...kinda contradict each other? 😅 If one sees Sessrin’s relationship as that of a wholesome “father/daughter,” the idea of Sesshoumaru “grooming” Rin is negated, isn’t it? Because in the context of the original anime and the subsequent sequel, describing these two characters simultaneously as “father/daughter” and “an older man grooming a child” wouldn’t make any sense, considering the fact that both descriptions have virtually opposite intentions. 

It can only be one or the other.

At least in a fictional context, anyway. As I said, it’s always been difficult to pin down Sessrin’s relationship because Takahashi herself had never defined it either. Sesshoumaru’s character arc is hella subtle, considering the fact that he’s not part of the main group and at most, he is a secondary character (but one that definitely makes an impression), if not a minor antagonist in the beginning. Lol

I’ve always been of the opinion that if you’re going to define the relationship of two characters in any piece of fiction, whatever label that may be has to apply to the entire story of said characters. It would be an erroneous flaw to define the relationship of two characters as one thing based on your initial impressions, then another thing entirely just because you don’t like the trajectory of said relationship. 

I don’t mean to say that relationships are static; after all, the emotional connections between two characters are always evolving, either for better or worse. That’s what makes a story, and what allows the audience to connect with the characters. 

I only meant that the label has to be reflective of the characters’ actions. 

After all, Yashahime is considered the sequel to Inuyasha; it acts as a continuation, not a reboot or a separate story of its own. Yes, the focus has shifted to an alternative main cast, but the story is still being told within the framework of the original anime. 

Father/Daughter_________

As I said earlier, a lot of antis describe Sessrin as having a father/daughter relationship, but what specific actions did Sessrin perform in the original anime gave off that impression? 

From the beginning, Rin has never had expectations of Sesshoumaru as one would expect to have of a daughter to a father. Throughout the original anime, she fends for herself and only relies on Sesshoumaru for protection. In the context of the time period, Rin receives no form of dowry from him, she’s not used as any sort of pawn (political or otherwise) to his advantage at any time, and for the most part, has no right to whatever assets he may own as an heir (in this case, Jaken’s services and Ah-Un’s loyalty). Sesshoumaru instructs (forces) Jaken and Ah-Un to care for Rin, but I highly doubt the latter has the right to command them, were she truly perceived to be an adopted daughter to a youkai. 

For example, in episode 162 of the anime, Rin herself acknowledges that she doesn’t know what role she plays in Sesshoumaru’s life. For some context, there’s a scene in the episode where Jaken explains that in the future after the situation with Naraku is settled, Sesshoumaru will most likely build an empire. In this future empire Jaken envisions, he proclaims that he’ll be a chief minister, so Rin asks the following question:

In this scene, it clearly shows that Rin has no expectations of Sesshoumaru as one would have as a perceived daughter to a father.

Conversely, Sesshoumaru doesn’t give Rin any rights as a daughter would rightfully have from a father. Rin isn’t overprotectively cloistered away in a palace (or in Towa/Setsuna’s case, within a barrier that surrounds a beautiful forest), he does not pass on any sort of inheritance to her (unlike, once again, Towa/Setsuna’s case, in which they both inherited his powers), does not actively tell her of his singular interest in pursuing Naraku, and most of the time, remains emotionally distant from her. 

And to repeat that, emotionally distant, but it doesn’t mean that he’s not affected by her kindness. 

In the end, she’s free to roam around with him as she pleases--or leave his side, as she pleases. She doesn’t have the restrictions or expectations that would be placed upon a female of that time period; Sesshoumaru lets her live her life, as she pleases. 

Grooming  _________

On the other end of the spectrum, I ask once more: what specific actions did Sessrin perform in the original anime that gave off that impression?

And before one begins to even think about that question, please note that using the reason “in Yashahime, Sesshoumaru married Rin and they had children” as the specific action would not make any sense; this action is just an end result, but nowhere does it indicate where or how the perceived grooming took place. 

To reiterate, throughout the original anime Sesshoumaru remained emotionally distant from Rin; his main focus for most of the time was trying to take Tetsusaiga, tracking down Naraku, and/or trying to find a weapon that can match/surpass Tetsusaiga. 

Hell, even in one of their first significant moments together when he brings her back to life that first time, it wasn’t for any reason of trying to obtain sexual gratification from Rin; the audience is fully aware that he was just mostly out to test Tenseiga’s power (as Jaken himself reiterates). Mauledtodeath!Rin just happened to be there as a stroke of luck and an opportunity. 

What limited scenes they did have together were brief (not to mention that he ignored her half the time), and with hardly any insight into Sesshoumaru’s thoughts, this argument is very much a moot point. 

To be honest, the “grooming” argument IMO is actually kind of ironic, yknow? XD A lot if not most of the antis hate the Sessrin shippers because they think that we condone pedophilia and grooming...yet they were the ones to reach this conclusion on their own. They’re the ones imagining a Sesshoumaru who only had dirty thoughts towards Rin, who raised her to be his outlet for sexual gratification. Lol 

Either way, the situation is funny in that context! 

My Conclusion _________

So what does all this mean? Nothing much, only that I still don’t really understand where the father/daughter vibe and grooming thing comes from. Lol When I say I never saw those things in the original anime, I meant it. If one were to think about the context of the story and how it was portrayed, the accusations that are stacked against Sessrin are just assumptions based on one singular fact that Sesshoumaru married Rin and had children with her.

To me personally, the one label that defines the relationship between Sesshoumaru and Rin, the one that makes sense if we were to look at Inuyasha and Yashahime as a continuous narrative, is that of lord and vassal.  

In an interview with Yashahime’s staff (wonderfully translated by ayuuria here), the producer Naka Toshikazu stated that it was a challenge trying to continue Inuyasha’s story because of how Rumiko Takahashi so neatly concluded it. They only had direction to go somewhere with a new story when they realized they could make it about Sesshoumaru’s daughter. 

And it makes sense, doesn’t it? After all, the reason why they couldn’t just pursue Inukag or MiroSan’s story is because those relationships had already been defined. Both are two sets of characters who fell in love whilst they went on an adventure, and they’ve done their part to save the world. 

Would a story about Shippo or Jaken or Koga have pulled audiences as much as the main cast did? Where would the conflict come from? How could they continue the story without having to repeat the original narrative? Without having to create a new Naraku? 

It makes sense that Sesshoumaru and Rin would get together, if only because they were the one relationship that Rumiko has never defined, not in the anime nor in the manga. Zero in episode 15 of Yashahime states, “The Lord Sesshoumaru, one who is known to detest both humans and half-demons, has taken a human for a wife.” 

Just think of how bold of a story that is, one that can match the stakes of the original story, whilst still being able to continue within the frame of the narrative? Think of the implications of what that means in the narrative of Inuyasha, that the one character who arguably hates humans the most, feared and respected by other youkai, went through such a character arc that he would marry a member of a species he claimed to hate and sire children with her. 

Of course there would be repercussions; of course other demons wouldn’t be happy or be easily accepting of it, Shikon jewel prophecy be damned. 

Of course Sesshoumaru has to work hard to earn his complete happy ending with his family. He fell in love with Rin, a human woman, after all. And in the story of Inuyasha, has that not always been the catalyst for everything else? 

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sophia Jirafe

Seven of Sophia Jirafe’s fics are at Gossamer, but more of her X-Files stories are at AO3 (as sophiahelix). I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Stones and Bones. She was active in the fandom during the show’s run and has never strayed far from fandom in general. She co-founded Glass Onion, a great multi-fandom mailing list that now has nearly 1,000 fics from 100 fandoms at AO3. Big thanks to Sophia Jirafe for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It did initially, but so many old shows are on streaming now and getting discovered by new people, it makes sense.

I did get a comment from someone who said my first story under this name, posted in early 2000 when I was a college freshman, was older than her by a couple of months, and THAT took me aback.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was my first fandom, discovered when I was 17 and searching for info about the show on the school library computer, and it really shaped my whole life! I met a lot of people I still know today (mostly in non-fannish venues like FB, though I do still have some connections in fandom), and learned a lot about writing and just life generally, since I was younger than most of fandom at the time.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I started off on a tiny forum at a website called Squirrel’s Nest, but I kept seeing people thanking Scullyfic in fic headers and eventually I was able to join the mailing list (which was capped to 500 members). Scullyfic was everything to me — I made friends, betas, discussed the show, learned about all kinds of things on Off-Topic Fridays, etc. A lot of those friends, I would email with or more often chat on AIM (individual or these sprawling group chats that would go on all day), and then at the end of 2001 we started migrating to Livejournal. I was getting into Buffy more by then, but it was still mostly the same crowd of people I knew from Scullyfic.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I feel like it started me on a whole life path really — finding that my deep obsession with fiction could be channeled like that and shared with other people, as well as deepening my writing. Online fandom has been a major part of my social life for over 20 years now, and I love the mix of getting excited about things with friends and also the creative outlet.

My corner of X-Files fandom in particular was just very calm and enjoyable for the most part, full of older professional women who were happy to be friends and give me advice about all kinds of things, and it really set the bar for me with my online interactions. Now I’m almost 40 and trying to be that person for my younger friends, as well as having no patience for toxicity and in-fighting in my fandom spaces.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

A combination of the creepy conspiracy angle and just adoring Scully. I remember how mysterious and fascinating the show seemed when I discovered it right before S5, and there was no way to find out more except to keep watching and hoping they explained. Scully was so smart and tough and beautiful and interesting, and as a teen I was just captivated by her (and the UST, though I didn’t care about Mulder as much).

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I ran across it a couple times early on but felt embarrassed by the concept, but then I read the first in Karen Rasch’s Words series and suddenly it clicked for me. After a while I started daydreaming my own conversations between them, very similar to what happens to me now when I’m getting into a new pairing, so after reading tons of recommended fic by big authors, I started writing my own (the 3-4 stories I posted in high school are all wiped from the internet now, though).

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good memories, though because it was my senior year of high school and college, I know a lot of it is just tied to that time in my life, and also being in my very first fandom. I will rewatch episodes from time to time, but I basically never revisit former fandoms because they’re kind of like exes, even if I finished on a good note. I also think my taste in fic has changed (and there isn’t the same novelty of “characters I like getting together omg!”)

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

So many! None of them had quite the same combination of excellent central architecture (especially pre-AO3) and a really high level of discussion and friendliness without being enormous, but I’ve loved them all in their own ways. I’ve done fandom on LJ/DW, Tumblr, Discord, and now on Twitter, and I think I miss the mailing list days the most. You didn’t have to repeat yourself so much in multiple conversations, you weren’t character limited, and the discussion was all in one place, with personal stuff more confined to your side conversations. Discord is a little like that, but it moves too fast and there’s too much noise for my taste.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Heh, after X-Files I went through a whole phase of faves in the Scully vein — Buffy, Aeryn Sun, Kara Thrace, etc. Like many people I’ve shifted primarily into m/m in the last decade (Sherlock, YOI, and recently The Untamed have been my major fictional fandoms, along with a lot of sports RPF), but for non-fannish shows I’m always looking for awesome new female characters, like Elizabeth on the Americans, Peggy on Mad Men, Nadja on What We Do in the Shadows, etc. And I do LOVE Killing Eve and have written a little f/f over there.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I’ll rewatch favorite episodes occasionally, and I keep thinking about a full rewatch but it takes so much time! I never saw the second movie, and I didn’t finish the first of the new seasons because I was hating it, so it’s a little hard for me to think fannishly about them when I disliked basically everything after “Je Souhaite” so much (as far as I’m concerned the show ends there).

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

X-Files no, but yeah I’m still very active in fandoms.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I lost all my saved fic several computers ago, but I recall loving “Blue Christmas” by Plausible Deniability and “Diamonds and Rust” by MustangSally (obviously everything she wrote was great).

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Looking at my X-Files fic, I can’t believe how short it is and how comparatively little of it there is (I have lost track of a few ficlets). It felt like such a big deal to finish anything back then! I think my favorite remains Alphabetum, which involved a tricky structure and 5 elements given by people as part of the Scullyfic Improv challenge, where you had a week to write a story around those elements.

My favorite of my recent fic in fictional fandoms is probably the GoT/YOI crossover novel I wrote a couple years ago, for a completely opposite experience to this (and proof you can grow as a writer with a lot of effort!)

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

It’s honestly hard to imagine going back (like I said, I usually don’t), but I guess I could get inspired by something.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I certainly still write, and I do have to give credit to XF fandom and Scullyfic in particular for giving me the start I got, where I really wanted to be writing good fiction. The few things I wrote in high school were just me jamming out romantic cliches, but the people I was lucky to know in XF fandom showed me that “just” fanfic can still aspire to be high quality. I am a much, much better and more disciplined writer than I was back then, but I might never have started on this path without fandom friends encouraging me.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Usually just daydreaming about emotional dynamics between characters/people, but sometimes something specific in canon or real life (I write a lot of RPF) gets me going, or maybe something I read.

What's the story behind your pen name?

When I wrote for X-Files, I picked “Sophia Jirafe” combining my favorite first name with a fancy spelling for my favorite animal (I was 18! Don’t judge!) Over on Livejournal, my friend Jintian and I initially shared an account with the same name as our website, double_helix, and when she got her own account I changed to sophia_helix, which is now sophiahelix just about everywhere. A little clunky, but I like the continuity (and I do run across old friends who remember the name).

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

The friends I’ve known for a very long time know about it, but we have never talked about it in depth. My husband, who I met not long after getting into fandom, also knows about it, and he’s encouraging and also a writer so we talk all the time. I told my mom in college and she was pretty dismissive, so we haven’t talked about it since (but my younger sister knows and is cool about it).

When I was younger, it was something I shared readily (I bonded with a new friend in law school I saw looking at LJ), but now I don’t really bring it up with new acquaintances.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I just made a Carrd the other day with all my various fannish addresses (Twitter, locked fannish Twitter, AO3, Tumblr)

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just that it really was a high quality fandom — so much excellent long casefic, so many cool down to earth people, just generally a great launching place for a young fan. The friendships I made with older people were really important to me, and it makes me sad to see a lot of younger people now getting upset about the idea of anyone over a certain age being in their fandom spaces. I hope someday fandom can get back to appreciating that people of all ages can be the fandom type, and that everyone brings something different to the community.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 1, 2020)

[sepublic]

Lilith didn’t intend for Luz to be truly hurt (but she was still awful)

           So, a lot of people rightfully give Lilith flack for… well, just about everything she did! This woman is low-key a screw-up in life and a lot of her issues come from acknowledging this, but then either doing nothing to address it, or handling the problem in a rather non-productive manner, for fear of further guilt and retribution for her mistakes; The way a child hides the vase they broke, even if they fully admit in their head that this was their own fault and the result of a mistake they no longer intend to commit! They’re still leaving the person who also suffers from this to deal with the pain on their own, even if they pretend to be innocent and buy a new vase! And that’s even assuming Lilith doesacknowledge/notice that she did something wrong.

           And while Lilith using Luz as a human shield IS pretty sus, and not gonna lie, part of why Agony of a Witch is so genuinely painful to me is BECAUSE of Lilith’s treatment of Luz in that episode (legit it really riles me up)… But once I step back to acknowledge the way things were working from her perspective, I don’t think she intended THAT much harm? That isn’t to say Lilith STILL didn’t mess up big time and she deserves to be called out for this, on-screen or at least implied between events. It’s just that…

           Lilith didn’t intend to harm Luz? I don’t think she did, at least, there was no reason to… At worst, she may have been operating on the ‘bluff’ of hurting Luz, but I don’t think that was ever her intention. To her, it may have just been a matter of keeping Luz and Eda separate that would’ve compelled her sister to arrive- I’m not sure if she actually intended to hurt Luz, and it’s worth noting that Lilith makes a major point to Luz that the magic bubble was meant to protect her.

           Which, given it was cast by Lilith- I think that says a lot about her original intention! The worst she planned could’ve been just to imprison Luz, or at least ‘rehabilitate’ her and/or send Luz back to earth. Which, that IS messed-up as well, but it’s not outright child murder, and more akin to what Camila almost did. Still wrong- But at least a lot more understandable…

           Then later in the duel, when Eda is clearly going to overwhelm and kick Lilith’s butt, as she always did? THEN Lilith begins using Luz as a shield, but at the same time… She operated from the very beginning, under the original assumption, that Eda cares a lot for Luz; Even if Lilith doesn’t understand why, she can’t argue with this reality at least. Especially with Belos’ threat of execution, more on that later…

           Lilith could’ve easily set up any other kind of shield to protect herself; Luz’s bubble was strong, but not THAT strong, given how Luz herself was able to puncture it. So it stands to reason that when Lilith puts Luz in front of her, it’s not necessarily as a meat shield meant to tank damage; It’s under the impression that Eda, who cares for Luz, will redirect her attacks in response, and by consequence miss Lilith! Lilith’s cowardly tactics admittedly hinged entirely on the –correct- assumption that Eda would not hurt Luz, no matter what. So again- No intent for Luz to actually be hurt, if anything Lilith’s life kind of dependson that?

           Then there’s Lilith shoving Luz into a spike- And THAT is very much sus. But again, I don’t think Lilith necessarilyintended for Luz to actually get impaled; I think she just wanted Eda to assume Luz would, or act to prevent this anyway just in case and ‘fall for the bluff’, so to speak. In doing so, Eda would drain her magic, and then she’d be defeated, allowing Lilith to capture her sister and have her cured by Belos! In other words, I’m not sure if Lilith would’ve actually, fully gone through with impaling Luz had Eda done nothing to stop this- It’s possible she would’ve stopped in realization and maybe concern, but then go back to fighting Eda traditionally.

           And Lilith already knows that Eda is willing to risk her victory in that duel for Luz’s sake, as shown when she maneuvered around Luz and went out of her way to protect the girl! So she knew that Eda was going to save Luz, that LUZ likely wouldn’t be in any real danger… And finally, it’s worth noting what Belos said. How earlier that day, he basically threatened to executeLilith, to kill her for failing him.

           This is a different Lilith than one we’ve been used to. This is a Lilith who is stressed-out, more than she’s ever been, a Lilith who’s terrified for her life- A Lilith who is low-key being held hostage herself, because her own life is being threatened? It wasn’t literal, but it’s the Boiling Isles equivalent of holding a gun to someone’s head, unlike when she cursed Eda way back when. And as Head of the Emperor’s Coven, Lilith likely knows ALL the horrible things that Belos can do, he knows how unstoppable he can be once he sets his mind to things…

           (More on her knowledge of the Emperor’s messed-up stuff later.)

           And, if Lilith dies? Then Eda isn’t going to get captured. Eda won’t be cured, Eda will remain cursed forever… And so Lilith isn’t just doing this because she’s being threatened, she’s also doing this for Eda’s sake! Under the impression that if Lilith dies and fails, Eda will never be cured… Eda will never get to embrace her full potential in magic, and with how the curse has accelerated her aging, Eda would likely have a shorter life as well- So to Lilith, this is all a matter of Eda’s life too! Not to mention Lilith wants desperately to be with Eda a lot, so there may have been some resentment towards Eda for caring more about Luz, a stranger she’s known only for a few weeks, over Lilith, her own sister since childhood…

           Especially since Lilith never thinks to ask Eda just to come join the Emperor’s Coven, under the knowledge that Belos will kill her otherwise! Obviously this speaks to Lilith’s knowing guilt… But to her, Eda doesn’t know that Lilith cursed her! So to Lilith, it’s a bit frustrating that Eda really doesn’t seem to care for her own sister… Because Lilith is operating on the idea that Eda would rather continue to be a Wild Witch and let her sister be executed, than join the Emperor’s Coven to save Lilith’s life! Even though Eda said she’d go out of her way to rescue Lilith beforehand, as seen in Sense and Insensitivity… Lilith is doubting how much Eda would care for her.

           This of course, DOES make me question if Lilith would’ve gone that route, of mentioning Belos’ execution; Had Luz not gotten captured! How would Eda have reacted, if Lilith was honest and admitted that her own life was on the line, otherwise? I can only imagine… And of course, if Lilith is under the impression that Eda would prefer being a Wild Witch even if it meant Lilith’s demise… Then maybe she should’ve asked herself why that was the case? Why Eda would be so distant to her, if Eda didn’t know of the curse? Perhaps there was ANOTHER reason for why Eda hated the Emperor’s Coven so much, maybe something related to her disagreements with the system? Maybe Eda had motives unrelated to the curse for not joining Lilith?

           This is Lilith we’re talking about here, so of course she doesn’t bother to consider the implications of this… Amidst being distracted by Luz’s sudden arrival, as well. Regardless, if Eda really hated the kind of environment that the Coven System offered THAT much, to disregard Lilith- Then maybe it says a lot about how horrible the Coven System is to her, rather than Eda simply not caring for Lilith! But this is Lilith, so instead she focuses on how her relationship with Eda is defined by this, because clearly to her, everything Eda does has to be with Lilith’s own best interests in mind. How DARE Eda prioritize her own life over Lilith’s?! Eda already has so much in life, why doesn’t she ever consider what Lilithneeds or wants?

           It’s Lilith’s narrow-minded, tunnel vision; That in this world, only her relationship with Eda and vice-versa matters! That Eda doesn’t have any thoughts or dreams of her own, no other relationships (as Lilith herself claims at first), no personal beliefs against the Coven System or anything! It’s all about Lilith, it’s all about being sisters… And no doubt Lilith is projecting a lot of insecurities, but. STILL, that’s kind of messed up, Lily!

You already know what the Emperor’s Coven does to other Wild Witches, are you really not considering Eda’s own compassion for others to be enough reason for her NOT to support Belos? Or did you secretly think those other witches deserved it while Eda was special as someone you knew… Which of course, I can’t blame Lilith for being biased towards her own sister, but still. It’s all very selective stuff, it’s Lilith ignoring everything else, or attempting to justify it despite the unfortunate implications.

           Which, gets me back to another point… But before I can do that, I need to return to the main discussion. Namely, back to that specific scene of Lilith trying to shove Luz into a spike… This is just speculation on my part. But if the Grudgby cards are any indication, it’s that Witches have an inherent healing factor that allows them to regenerate limbs… Possibly it’s the result of the bile naturally flowing through their veins, and thus not something that would require active Healing Spells to pull off, although those always help with the process! Though it DOES make me wonder how this would effect Eda, whose bile sac is no longer producing magic… But given all of the weird stuff with HER, how her survival of dismemberment could be due to the curse, or what she’s done to herself, or her own species’ abilities…

           Eda might be fine anyway, and the latent effect of bile on her healing abilities might still exist, even if they can’t overcome the curse- Not that anyHealing Magic was capable of that, as far as we know! Regardless, my point is that while impalement would no doubt hurt a lot… It might not be nearly as serious of an injury to Witches, as it would be to humans! It’d definitely suck a lot, but it might be more akin to breaking your leg, VS outright death. STILL messed-up, but not irreparably so…

           Of course, Lilith knows that Luz is human. But she may not be aware of the full differences, or at least forgot to take this into account… Understandable, Gus is a ‘Human Expert’ and even HE is baffled by human anatomy and has a lot of wrong guesses, among them being gills! Skara also apparently knows that humans are more ‘fragile’ than Witches… But that sounds like street knowledge and not a definitive fact she could’ve outright researched and confirmed. And given Lilith is Head of the Emperor’s Coven, I think her brain is full of other important information unrelated to humans… Such as how to cure a curse you cast decades ago!

           Which, leads to a morbidly-hilarious scenario of Lilith having no idea why Eda is so insistent on protecting this human, clearly this won’t hurt her THAT much, it’s like losing your mind over someone getting their toe stubbed! At the very least, a broken ankle wouldn’t necessitate losing all of your magic! And then Lilith finds out that oh, that WOULD have actually killed Luz, because humans aren’t as sturdy as witches… And then she has an utter dilemma, because this realization would’ve occurred post-YBOS, and thus when Lilith was making an effort to actually take other people into account as well.

           So in the end, I don’t think Lilith actually expected Luz to get hurt at all that entire fight… Or at least not seriously, especially since she might not realize that humans are more fragile than witches! She DID make an initial effort to protect Luz at least, before the desperation of her losing duel forced Lilith to resort to dirty tactics, especially since her own life –and maybe Eda’s- was on the line if she lost. That’s another point to consider… that if Lilith dies, she knows that Eda will never join the Emperor’s Coven without her sister to convince her, meaning inevitably Belos WILL track her down and kill her!

           …But at the same time, even if she never expected Luz to be genuinely hurt, or at least not killed; It’s still reckless endangerment of a child. Even if Lilith didn’t decide to hurt this random kid just for the sake of it, she was still low-key taking out a lot of her resentment onto this poor child, just because Luz was a better person to Eda and thus more loved than Lilith by her for it! It’s still showing little regard for Luz’s safety, and even if Lilith never thought she would get seriously injured, she still played around with Luz’s life too lightly, and took too many chances.

          Those chances paid off in the end, sure… But regardless, it’s like my past comparison of Lilith to a gambler who keeps making the same mistake in the hope that things will finally pay off, that previous failures and losses won’t have been for nothing! Even if Lilith saw her and Eda’s lives being on the line, that doesn’t excuse kidnapping and taking a child hostage, and Eda would never consent to that either! Maybe Lilith needs to consider how Edawould’ve felt… But she didn’t really, because she seemed surprised at how much Luz meant to Eda. Obviously she adapted to this …

          But once again, it shows how Lilith refuses to acknowledge any other motive besides the curse as a reason for why Eda would be distant with her. And it’s not JUST because you failed to go after her the first time Eda transformed, and even if you did try to ‘make up’ for this by finding a cure for Eda… Again, it’s obvious there’s more to Eda’s issues than just holding a grudge over that kind of abandonment after the duel, especially since she went out of her way to save Lilith in Sense and Insensitivity! It’s funny how Lilith mocks Eda for having poor memory because of the curse… Because Lilith’s memory is even worse, because of how selective it is! And that’s her own fault…

          Which is another recurring theme of this show, of people who have the ability to do better, of having the privilege to avoid a failing, going ahead and doing that mistake anyway! Just as Odalia is rich and powerful enough to let her kids be their own individuals without concern for their futures, yet goes out of her way to abuse and indoctrinate them more than anyone else would… Lilith has the power to change what she’s been doing at any moment, to alter her circumstances- But she doesn’t. It seems those in the position to do the most good end up either being irresponsible and negligent with that power, and/or using that power to make things worse.

           The thing with Lilith isn’t that her memory is selective, either; She has a poor grasp not just of the past, but of the presentas well! She expects Eda to abandon her after getting attacked by a monster, implying Lilith knows there’s a reason for such callousness besides the curse; Or that Eda isn’t THAT selfish and apathetic… After all, she did abandon her spot in the Emperor’s Coven for Lilith’s sake! That, or Eda really DOES have an issue with the Coven System and what’s why she left the spot… Lilith really is full of contradictions and holes in the logic of how she views the world. A lot of her world-view consisted of accepting whatever was most convenient to her, or even making those kinds of facts up!

           …Though, I WILL give her credit; Lilith seemed intent on letting Eda join the Emperor’s Coven at her own pace, on her own terms, as revealed in Sense and Insensitivity. Obviously there’s the assumption that Eda will eventually do so because clearly there’s no other choice and that’s why it’s an inevitability… But at least Lilith DID try to respect Eda’s feelings, to an extent. Even if she did so in a way that was more flattering to her own expectations in the end, she at least couldn’t outright deny that Eda clearly didn’twant to join the Emperor’s Coven. There’s still the expectation that Eda would ‘get over’ whatever ‘silly’ reasons she had for not joining Lilith, but Lilith wasn’t a lost cause for a reason!

           After all, Lilith had that change of heart at the end, even if she was low-key forced into doing so because Eda would’ve straight-up died otherwise, which again ties back to her cowardly nature, only doing the right thing when there’s literally no other feasible option she can turn to. It was a LONG time coming, finally admitting the truth –more by accident honestly- and sharing the curse with Eda… But hey, better late than never, am I right? And it’s a pretty big reason why I’m no longer as mad at her as I was post-Agony of a Witch… Though I’ll still give her the stink-eye in general for that, because that episode messed me up and Lilith contributed the most to that.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

C’s (1/?) Destiel Rec List:

That gets less and less coherent as it goes.

So here is a rec list by order in which I read them and not by preference. They’re like, All Destiel, because that’s how Post-November C rolls:

First on the list is The Courtship of Combat by bendingsignpost 18k

I KNOW it’s not Thee fic by bendingsignpost that everyone is talking about. I know. BUT, I dearly enjoyed it. It’s the first in a series and it’s A/B/O. (I know. I know. Don’t @ me. Or do.) It’s pre-relationship and the characters are definitely themed toward early-Destiel if you catch my drift. Omega!Dean’s hand is being fought over. This wouldn’t matter to Castiel except he totally told Michael that the reason he wouldn’t marry anyone is because he’s head over heels for the Winchester Omega that he doesn’t even have a real recollection of ever meeting. It’s like the perfect balance of a meet-cute and meet-ugly. I just LOVE bendingsignpost’s Castiel voice. It’s such a great characterization.

I’M GONNA SCREAM THE SECOND ON THE LIST IS ANOTHER A/B/O?!? I swear I don’t read that much A/B/O, but this is another exception because it’s Biological Imperatives (Or Not) by tiamatv  29k

Tiamatv is one of my favorite writers. If you’re unfamiliar with their work, I’m gonna rec more of it to you. No worries. THIS lovely piece of work is a Beta/Beta narrative that focuses on how hilarious A/B/O tropes are from an outsider perspective, but doesn’t do it in a way that feels insulting to the classical tropes. It’s just people living their lives where these situations happen not often but enough that they know how to deal with it. Dean and Cas have several first dates trying to figure out what’s happening between the two of them. Castiel is thee love of my life in this piece. And Dean’s headspace makes for a witty narrative.

If you know me at all, you know this next one HAD to be a regency and it’s Of Lords and Letters by MalMuses 14k

Dean is the master of the Winchester estate after his father passes. Unfortunately for the estate (but much to Dean’s pleasure), he can’t run it personally because he’s at war. Not that he likes war all that much, but it’s what he knows. War he knows. Sam is a conniving but well-meaning little brother and puts him in contact with Mister Castiel Shurley. (I KNOW. I KNOW. I allow Castiel Shurley in recent fics only if Chuck is cast as an asshole, and he is :)) But seriously, it’s SO Regency. There’s letters, pining, propriety, and men in period suits. What more could you ask for?

Y’all probably gonna immediately peg who I am as a person when I say Always Together, Eternally Apart by EmiliaOagi 27k is probably one of my top ten Destiel fics.

Here’s the thing—Ladyhawke is probably my second favorite movie in the entire world beat only by The Princess Bride. (Seriously, if y’all wanna bribe me with anything, it will always be that.) NOT ONLY does EmiliaOagi beautifully incorporate the source material, but once more Dean Winchester is SO Dean Winchester it hurts. This piece is from Sam’s perspective, and his running inner monologue is both insightful and entertaining. If you’re unfamiliar with the plot of Ladyhawke, I refuse to spoil it for you. Some things must be experienced, and this is one of them. Either by reading this lovely work or by viewing the original film, you’ll understand the legend that so captivates me.

OH ANOTHER DELICIOUS ONE and it’s like in that vein of Retired Hunters But Not Yet Together Destiel is Welcome to Pine Shores! by andimeantittosting (Saylee) 20k

It’s always fun reading Dean character studies, and this is definitely one of them. So the long and short of it is PINING FOR DAYS (this was written for Pinefest) and Dean trying to set up Cas with other people because he thinks Cas might want more. Oh, and did I mention they’ve been running this motel for like thirteen years? And they share a bed? *Tropes Intensify*

There is also Dean Winchester and the Patron Saint of Blind Dates by goldenraeofsun 18k which I think some of y’all are familiar with.

Sort of what it says on the tin, to be honest, folks. Dean’s friends set him up with some blind dates and the bartender—Castiel—grips his Purple Nurple tight and raises him from perdition. (And no, it’s not a euphemism.) The dates are sort of outrageously in character and interestingly enough this is a Sam/Ruby fic too! I sort of liked how it played out in this piece. If you’re worried about the Sam/Ruby dynamic, fear not! They were both former addicts and have since been clean for (a year or two? I don’t recall the time frame.) Dean has a love/hate sort of relationship with an emphasis on hate with Ruby since she’s the one who got Sam into drugs (allegory for the demon blood) but she’s also the one to try to go clean first. I just thought that was an interesting take, and one I would’ve linked to have seen the show pursue to be honest, but Supernatural has to keep the hot ladies dead or villains or both haha ;)) I digress. It’s a smaller read but the subject matter is pretty heavy. From former religious cults to the former addicts, please keep in mind if mentions of these things make you uncomfortable. It’s definitely the one whose subject matter stuck out the most to me. So apologize if I’ve missed mentioning anything specific for y’all in the previous recs or this one.

WAIT THIS NAME LOOKS FAMILIAR!??! IT’S andimeantittosting (Saylee) BACK AT IT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME WITH The Winchester Affair 34k !!

SAYLEE YOU HAD TO MAKE IT ONTO THIS LIST TWICE. Another Regency, except this time Castiel is long time friends (with benefits *eyebrow wiggles*) with Dean. He’s in love with him, obviously, so this means that an asshole named Zachariah that we all know and loathe comes around planning to frame his poor sister (Hael) with stealing Mary Winchester’s brooch if Castiel doesn’t find some damning evidence on the Winchesters for him. DRAMA AHOY!!! This is a very harlequin/regency novel. It’s actually based off of a novel called Ware the Marquess as is the wont of the Destiel Harlequin Challenge. Very good challenge to check out; very excellent fic to read. And the author so nice we listed them twice. ;) SIDE NOTE: This is totally one of those Regency ones where It Simply Isn’t Done, if you know what I mean. Like, no one is outright slurring or something that I can recall (and it isn’t tagged so I doubt there is), but it Isn’t Done, But They Love Each Other Very Much.

So you guys know Scoobynatural is my comfort episode, right? Well, one of my favorite things that I’ve delightfully discovered is the trope of building off of Cas’ one-liner about being effin’ married, so have The Nikkah by Maxine (WinchesterPooja) 28k!

Reads like a Case-fic as there’s an entire sub-plot happening with Sam. So this story happens well within the canon despite being canon-divergent. This one does end happy!! There’s a view episode like fics I might rec that end in canon-fashion with Dean repression and I love the pining and all but sometimes I need sweet fandom closure. Long and short of it: Djinn culture? Djinn queen? Fake-relationships? Sam dealing with nightmares? This baby can fit SO MUCH ACTION into a fic.

Okay, so you know the fic with the Bee Movie allegory? (It’ll come up on this reclist.) This has the same vibe, except for the relationship is out of order and Dean is Diagnosed with If I Do It This Way It’s Okay. Yeah, it’s Command Me to Be Well by prosopopeya 28k

Human Cas, back from the dead, post-finale, and Dean is trying to figure out how to get his happy ending. I’ve seen this one make the rounds on fic rec’ing so I think it’s a bit familiar, but I enjoyed it. Even though—as my bookmark says—I usually don’t go in for hurt/comforts with heavy on the hurt because my poor heart can’t take it. This is one of my few exceptions. This one has a healthy dose of Castiel standing up for himself with the bittersweet tang of him literally willing to do so much for Dean. But it’s a Dean perspective, so it really deals with a lot of his inner thoughts.

This one is,,,, in a similar vein as Command Me to Be Well. I guess I was in a mood. Baby, Come On Home by woodenducks 9k.

IT’S SEASON NINE WITH A SIDE OF PINE. What more could you ask for angst? Human Cas in Rexford trying to make a life for himself when all he wants is to go home. But he’s also trying to figure out what home even is for him. There’s a lot of drama between Dean and Cas, because of course Dean wants him there. But blah blah angels and blah blah whatever excuse the writers wanted so we couldn’t have human Cas and Dean in the bunker. We KNOW obviously the only thing keeping canon Dean from snapping was the fact that Cas was not human around him. *heavy eyeroll*. Anyways, this is a heartbreaking read from Castiel’s perspective.

One of my favorite Rescue Cas from the Empty fics is (they'll never break) the shape we take by auroralynches (teresavampa) 9k.

There’s this super cool concept of how Castiel experiences his regrets within the Empty and how Dean navigates through them to get to Castiel. I really enjoyed it, and of course the greatest love story ever told has got to have SOME theatrics and sentiments that are definitely reflected in this fic. My point is, I really love when Empty Rescue fics include analyzing Castiel’s regrets, and this one does so but from Dean’s perspective. As in Dean is viewing Castiel’s memories and trying to perceive his regrets.

Sooooo Epistolary by tiamatv 9k eh?

I love love LOVEEEEEE epistolary fics. I love them. I’ll always read them. And I totally told you I loved tiamatv. This is probably another one for the top ten fics just because it plays into my things. Love letters, music, and misunderstandings, oh my!!

HERE’S A VERY SEXY TERRIBLE LIFE ----> Ties that Bind Us by TheTwistedWillow 13k

Okay, so BASICALLY what if It’s A Terrible Life happened in like, circa-season 13 and Castiel was thrown in with Dean Smith and Sam Wesson. Literally all that I wanted in this fic. I do mean it’s sexy, by the way. I can’t even begin to explain this fic beyond it’s Castiel’s perspective, and he has some awareness that something is off. And being inside Castiel’s head when he’s not Castiel gets me every time.

OKAY I KNOW THIS IS THE THIRD A/B/O FIC ON THIS LIST I KNOW I KNOW The Mills School for Distinguished Girls by SillyBlue 13k IS WORTH IT THOUGH?!?!

Alpha Dean Winchester is going off to war. In the meantime, his family still doesn’t know about his marriage to Omega Castiel (in fact, they still think Castiel is a Beta.) Male Omegas are very rare in this universe, and it is addressed along with the fact that just because Castiel might look different on the outside doesn’t make him any different than the girls. Which I thought was a thought-provoking interpretation. There’s prejudices here—a lot of them against women and omegas—and a temporary character death which actually moved me to tears. I bookmarked this saying bring the tissues; bring the tissues.

THE BEE MOVIE FIC THE BEE MOVIE FIC THE BEE MOVI— according to all known laws of life by sobsicles 29k sobsicles I owe you a great slice of pie.

Sobsicles, my beloved, my bestie <3 (am I allowed to say that? I mean it affectionately. Well and truly.) You REALLY got in my head with this one. This is literally such an insane read that I read it twice in a row. Yeah, whoops. Cas is back from the empty and Dean is an asshole about it because feelings are hard. Here is what I bookmarked this fic with: “Dean Winchester has issues. He gets through them. Like a Bull in a China Shop, but he gets through them. The metaphor works.” And that is EXACTLY what happens. Dean is such an asshole and I LOVE IT. 14yr me would cry at the concept of reading this but 14yr me is a tasteless bitch. This is where it’s at. Dean has so much he’s mentally working through and Cas won’t take no shit and Sam is tired. It’s great. I love it. I know we rec sobsicles left and right over here (and I know there’s a new one I haven’t read yet) but this one is really my favorite. And I know some people feel uncertain when fics/authors get popular in a fandom, so if this isn’t for you that’s okay!! But well and truly this is just one of those in the top ten Destiel fics of my heart.

Baby Jack during the Widower Arc truther here like Trial and Tribulations of Raising a Nephilim by Sickandtiredofyou 14k

I’ve seen this one rec’d before but not enough. Like this one SHOULD be talked about. Because I am a Baby Jack Truther, and putting a baby in the widower arc is my literal weakness. Dean goes crib shopping. He paints the nursery. He does that season 2&3 thing he does where he wrecks something so that he has to rebuild it. He’s mourning. He’s crying. Sam is afraid to hold a baby. There’s a lot of emotions and they’re raw. Promise there’s a happy ending, but be ready to cry first.

Another sam pov because i love my little brother Letters to Nowhere by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales) 28k

AWWW YES. So this is another Empty Rescue fic. This one plays up the Orpheus and Eurydice lore, but in a surprising twist this is Sam’s POV!! Sam doesn’t know the full story, and we as the audience aren’t granted omnipresence for this fic either. It’s just point blank is his emotions. Him worrying for Dean, missing Cas, and wanting a happy ending for all of them. It’s sort of epistolary with how Sam is texting Castiel’s phone, but in general it is Sam Winchester wanting to save both of his brothers. So despite it being Destiel, the Destiel is almost the background ship since this story is Sam’s story and how Sam witnesses their story. It’s pretty meta in that sense, in that he’s aware there’s this grand story going on and we as an audience know there’s this grand love story happening, but we’re reading Sam’s story.

One of those i mentioned where its like an episode and they just end with tension between them >:((( but SO enjoyable and very much like an actual MotW Soul Searching by Lottiethroughthelookingglass 13k

It is in a screenplay format, but I didn’t mind that. It’s definitely a fun read! I thought the characterizations were pretty grand all-in-all. No get together though in this one if you’re looking for Destiel. Sorry. But it does make its way on to the list because we deserved a body swap episode and never got it.

This is like the third fic by tia and im not sorry and it’s Filoplume by tiamatv 8k !!!!

Its SOULMATES BAYBEEEE!!! But it’s not destined Soulmates. It’s like… soul compatibility, but only AFTER you’ve forged the bond. Self-Made Soulmates as it were. Very achingly and lovingly sentimental. Like, I think I’ve read this one four times in one week? It’s the shortest rec on this list (and while I definitely have shorter works bookmarked, I wanted this rec list to be longer ones for some reason I guess) but it feels longer. Maybe because every paragraph is like a gut punch. egGH. It’s another Empty Rescue by-the-by and Dean’s soulmark (given to him by Cas after Castiel’s Despair Confession) helps get him into the Empty.

OHOHOH LEVERAGE AU!!?! The Jericho Job by giantteenwolforgy 20k

The first in a series and I am SO EXCITED FOR MORE. I absolutely adore Leverage, so seeing this was like clearing my skin with care products I’ve never used. The characterizations are amazingly well done and vivid. They feel so unbelievably real and it makes me an eager beaver to get to the meat of them connecting as a team and family, but the slow burn is well worth it.

Yes, yes, Dean needs him, and need = love for Dean’s vocab but what does dEAN WANT and what does want mean to Dean? Find out in if you try sometimes, well you just might find by JenTheSweetie 9k

I’ve always been a huge fan of metas that dissect Dean’s differeniation of need vs want, and this whole work was like one of those metas. It’s a Cas POV of him trying to figure out how to read this man that he knows so well. It pulls out the angst and it makes me ache, but promises there IS a happy ending and Dean WANTS it.

Shush you know you want Goodbye Stranger meets Detroit: Become Human you knOW YOU WANT IT Digital Heartbeat by Chancy_Lurking 14k

MHM IT’S SO GOOD. Talk about good characterization. This work is almost a time piece? There’s a few skips in the timeline but you get the good parts and what’s needed for a full narrative. Castiel is an android sent by Cyberlife to the Men of Letters for aiding in hunting. He’s—of course—assigned to the brothers Winchester.

Shush delicious content right here mwah Heartstring Promenade by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) 17k

Another Empty Rescue?!? Yeah, yeah it is. Dean is sort of reckless. And by that, I mean a lot. But it’s fine. All happy endings, and smutty endings too. ;))

This is one of two 36-questions inspired fics I’ve got bookmarked, but the sex in this one hits my preferences too perfectly so it gets the spot and this list is getting too long to include all of my bookmarks to include both of them anyways but Seek to Know You Better by ahurston 32k mhmmmmmm

This fic is very personal to me. I couldn’t explain even if you asked me to. It might be the Florida Citrus Tree expressionism in Cas’ thoughts, but idk it's such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe 20k has got it on the list.

Cas loses his memories for a short period of time. Dean and Sam introduce Castiel to Cas, and Dean and Cas have a heart to heart. <3

A vERY interesting premise in a fool's kind of careless by Paclipas 9k

Dean is SUPER off his game when he can’t tell the difference between Cas and Not-Cas over the summer. Canon-fic.

A FIC FROM 2018?!?! WITH TIME TRAVEL??!? Ye ye it is Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord 24k

Dean of 2018, married to Castiel, swaps places with his newly dragged from Hell 2008 self. Time shenanigans and Bobby Frickin’ Singer ensue.

This one is ONE I AM OBSESSED WITH ACTUALLY And Neither Do You by callsigntango 45k like if it's not the one everyone starts talking about :((( is SO GROSS how callsigntango describes the empty and i lOOOVEEEE ITTTTT. Also plays into a Florida myth I totally forgot about so high-key freaked me out. Hahah.

[sparkie96]

Nivannedy One-Shot (LeonxPiers Post RE6)

For @hellishgoat / @lovelyleons. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!🎉🎉🎉 ________________________________________________

Piers sat in Leon’s hoodie on the couch, staring at the television as it replayed the news from months ago. The chaos from Edonia, and then Tall Oaks and China. The scenes played out on the screen, but they didn’t show much. Not like his memories did. He remembered everything crystal clear. His memory wasn’t cut and edited. He could still hear the screams of the citizens and his teammates in both Edonia and China. He could still smell gunpowder, the smell of fire burning down buildings all around him and the smell of rotting flesh. He could still see the monsters…

...and at one point...he would have believed himself to be one...until now. 

He had been moved from the Asian Branch of the BSAA to America so he could be treated with the C-Virus Vaccine. It had been the “trial vaccines” so he had to take them in small doses and go through treatments and therapy to get back in shape. Physically and mentally. 

Leon Kennedy had been nice enough to let him stay with him. 

Piers absentmindedly flexed his right hand, watching as it mutated back and forth from a normal arm to the mutated mass of bones and exposed muscle tissue limb he had in the underwater oilfield. While he did so, electricity coursed through his arm, the veins and arteries glowing blue, white and light purple underneath of tanned flesh. When he managed to turn his arm back to “normal”, the skin was split in various places and the unsplit areas were marred with the fractal patterns of what looked like lightning. 

He no longer had manic episodes and felt more in control of the virus instead of the other way around. The treatments at the DSO were a big help, but he still had a long way to go. Though, he did still have panic attacks and moments of PTSD, but luckily Leon was there to comfort him and vice versa. He was on leave due to his recovery, but once he was fully cured, and fitted with a prosthetic for when they inevitably had to cut off his arm, he had a job at the BSAA waiting for him. 

“Hey, you’re getting pretty good at that.” Leon observed as Piers changed his hand to and fro, the sniper freezing mid transformation. 

The agent dropped his keys in the bowl on the table by the front door, setting down his jacket as he kicked the door closed behind him. Piers turned his arm back to normal before changing the channel to some reality show. He then muted it, turning his full attention to Leon, glancing at the clock while he was at it. 

“You’re home early.” 

Leon smiled, nodding in confirmation, “I am...because I think we should celebrate.” 

Piers raised the brow above his good eye, “Celebrate...what?” 

“You’ve been here and recovering for five months…” Leon began, not kicking off his boots, “And it’s our one month anniversary of being together. Officially.” 

Piers gave a small “Oh!” of realization, smiling a small smile up at the agent as Leon sauntered over. He leaned over the back of the couch, leaning down and kissing Piers. Leon only pulled away to nuzzle his nose against Piers’s with a chuckle. Piers chuckled in return, scooting over so Leon could hop over the back of the couch to sit next to him. 

“So, how do you want to celebrate?” Piers asked curiously, “Pizza? Movie Night?” 

“Actually…” Leon began, “I was thinking...there’s a fair downtown…” 

Piers’s smile faltered, “Oh...we’re going out?” 

Leon held up his hands, “If you’re up to it. We don’t have to...just thought maybe...you wanted to get out of the apartment and go somewhere that wasn’t the lab at HQ...or the late night walks at almost two in the morning.” 

Piers sat back in his seat, taking a deep breath as he contemplated it. He looked to Leon, who waited with baited breath. Although the thought of going out during the day, around people, still made him anxious. Why? Because, well, he only left the apartment when he absolutely needed to and he wasn’t one hundred percent normal yet. Or when he needed some air, but that was usually at night. 

On the other hand, he was going to have to leave the apartment eventually. He couldn’t hide in here forever. He was going to have to go outside during the day for more than just appointments. Leon had offered to take him out before but Piers thought he hadn’t been ready. 

Maybe he would make the leap this time. 

Piers smiled and nodded, “Alright. I’m game.” 

Leon beamed, hopping off of the couch and standing before him, holding his hands out in offering. Piers chuckled and shook his head at his boyfriend’s silliness, accepting the offered hands before being taken to the bedroom to get “dolled up” as Leon put it. ______________________________________________ “WINNER!” The vendor hollered as the stuffed cow reached the top before the others. “Nice shooting, Tex!” Leon congratulated as Piers’s section lit up, the sniper pulling away from his water gun with a grin. 

The Vendor picked up the stuffed lion Piers pointed to, handing it to the man. Piers accepted it before handing it off to Leon, who looked surprised. They had played a number of games and ate some fair food, but Piers and Leon didn’t accept the prizes, giving them away to some of the other attendees. 

“For me?” He asked over the sounds all around them. 

Piers nodded, “Of course. A Lion for a Lion.” 

Leon chuckled, “I keep forgetting that’s where my name originated from. But, thanks, Handsome.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Piers said, wrapping his good arm around Leon’s waist as they wandered over to another game, “Where to next?” 

They were wandering around the fairgrounds, Piers having to stop a couple of times to regain his bearings and Leon talking him through it so he didn’t become overwhelmed by the sights, smells and sounds. Truth be told, it was also the first time in a while Leon had been out and about to somewhere that wasn’t work, the lab in HQ and the occasional trip to the grocery store or for a take-out trip. He didn’t frequent the bar as much as he wanted to for fear of making Piers think that he was the reason for that trip. Nor did he want to abandon Piers. 

So, after a while, he began talking with Piers and attending therapy as well. He still had a while to go himself in that department, but with Piers at his side...he felt...lighter. Like he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world. 

“How about a change of pace?” Leon asked, pointing to the Ferris Wheel, “Maybe a nice relaxing Ferris Wheel ride?” 

Piers looked to the Ferris Wheel with a contemplative look, “Is it safe?” 

Leon chuckled, “It should be.” 

Piers chuckled as well as they went over to wait in line. They handed the operator their tickets before climbing into the car. Piers let Leon in first, Leon sitting the giant stuffed lion next to him so that he was between Piers and the stuffed animal. They waited for the ride to start, the two glancing at one another before quickly looking away, smiling like idiots and blushing pink. The ride began to move, their cart moving upward and then backward, going around in a slow but smoothing circle while music played on the speaker in their cart. 

Piers stretched out his arms, slyly sitting the right one behind Leon’s head. At least that was the intention...until the veins started glowing underneath the skin. He quickly pulled away, taking a quick breath to calm himself before shoving his hands in his pocket. 

“So...does this count as a first date?” Piers asked with a clear of his throat, “Since I never officially asked you out and we never went anywhere?” 

“No.” Leon replied with a smile, “But I think it’s still as special as all the Take-Out and Movie nights. And we did go on walks together.” 

“True.” Piers said, peeking down at his hand, relieved that it was no longer glowing, watching the skin meld back together, “But this one must be more memorable and special?” 

The cart jolted to a stop, spooking them both. Piers cursed as he momentarily lost his concentration, grunting as his hand almost transformed. Leon had noticed this time, gently taking the younger man’s hand in his own. Piers sighed another sigh of relief, regaining his composure as his hand stopped transforming once more, looking from it to Leon. 

“Every day with you is memorable and special.” Leon admitted with a smile, “I know it sounds cheesy…” 

Piers shook his head as he smiled, “No...it’s not cheesy at all...because I feel the same way. You keep me sane and I feel safe with you…” 

Leon listened as Piers professed his feelings to the agent. Piers explained that since Leon had brought him over to America from the Asian Branch of the BSAA, he felt like he could trust Leon always. When he suffered nightmares and episodes of PTSD, Leon was there to help talk him down, even when Piers almost lost control and attacked him. He was supportive of him through recovery and his treatments, attending his appointments as moral support. Leon was the only one who didn’t treat him oddly. He was patient and kind. 

“You’ve done more for me than I can ever repay you.” Piers admitted, getting a bit teary-eyed, “I owe you my life.” 

Leon was a bit teary-eyed himself, smiling, “You don’t owe me anything.” Leon informed him, “Because you keep me sane too...and I love you.” 

Piers watched him before leaning in, Leon meeting him halfway for a sweet and chaste kiss. They only parted when the ride began to move again, but even then, Leon nuzzled his forehead and nose against Piers’s, leaning his head against Piers’s. 

They handed the operator two more tickets, deciding to ride once more.

“I love you too, Leon.” Piers replied. 

“I know.” Leon said with a teasing smile, chuckling when the younger nudged him playfully. 

[adultswim2021]

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law #15: “Blackwatch Plaid” | January 1, 2003 - 12:08 AM | S02E01

Mere minutes into 2003 Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law debuted it’s first episode in a little while: “Blackwatch Plaid”. The new year is traditionally a time when we reflect on our previous year and re-evaluate old habits. At the time of this airing, I was fastidiously recording Adult Swim every week and saving anything new that aired to my own carefully labeled home video archives. Historically I’d been recording to VHS, but I had received a DVD recorder for Christmas and immediately began transferring certain Adult Swim shows from VHS to DVD. The DVD format was still rather young, and the idea of Adult Swim shows actually making it to retail DVD didn’t seem like such a sure thing (even though at this time, two such volumes had been produced; more about those during EPHEMERA WEEK)

This was the tenth episode aired, and 10 episodes was what could fit on a DVD-R recorded in SP mode. So, I completed my first and only custom DVD of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. When faced with the prospect of beginning a second volume of Harvey Birdman on DVD I was at a bit of a crossroads. Keep watching this show I hate in the name of completionism? Or, do what any sane person would do and stop watching? I gave it away a few sentences back, but at the time I picked the later. This was a pretty big deal for me! Sure, I thought less of shows like Brak and Sealab from their strong starts, but I still stuck with them. My rejection of Birdman was a radical act. I was now no longer enjoying Adult Swim as a whole. I was now picking and choosing what I wanted from it.

“Blackwatch Plaid” isn’t so bad, truthfully. It’s a parody of the then-current Homeland Security Terror Alert Level Color Chart, which had debuted earlier in 2002. the eponymous blackwatch plaid is one of the colors on Phil Ken Sebben’s chart, which is created in this episode in response to an imagined office theft. The fact that this imaginary office theft is treated with the same high-level importance as a terrorist attack on our country is the whole joke of the episode. It’s a worthy target for satire, for sure.

Okay, so it’s 2021, and I’m watching these with a more open mind. I can admit the anger I felt at Birdman was “a little much”, this episode is more cohesive than most and the jokes aren’t bad. I didn’t laugh at them then, and I didn’t laugh at them now, so really not much has changed. But I recall one sticking point I had: the live-action montage. There’s multiple bits of live-action in this episode, and they are fun. But jealousy that these guys had a comedy show and I didn’t really worked wonders on me, because I remember really detesting the main montage in the episode. It was as if I thought “how dare you guys have fun, this show sucks.”

In the montage, Sebben presents Birdman with footage from the newly-installed security cameras that proves Birdman doesn’t get much work done in the course of his work day. A now live-action Birdman is seen milling around the office doing nothing much, then suddenly we are treated to a bright and colorful montage of Birdman playing hooky. He’s riding a ferris wheel, getting his nails done, showering at home with Boo Boo who playfully slaps his ass, cavorting around a fountain, popping out of a ball pit, and then running/tip-toeing around a field in different directions, for no reason. It’s wacky. It looks like it was a lot of fun to shoot. And I was pissed.

Okay, I’m primarily using this blog entry to try and get to the bottom of why I hated the montage so much. If a show I loved did something similar, I’d probably applaud it. It’s a fun idea, fairly low-effort (not that doing a live-action shoot doesn’t require real effort, it does!), and it just reads as “comedy is happening” for the entirety of the sequence. From a production stand point there’s little reason to not include a sequence like this.

I feel like this was a form of humor you’d see a lot of amateur comedy makers doing: the bright and cheery montage. It’s ironic, because I’m acting cheesy! I couldn't name names if I tried, but I just had about three or four different amateur sketch group videos pop into my head with the same comedy stylings. I can’t imagine what the point of view is here, or if anyone participating in this particular joke actually thinks they’re being original. At this point I’d say that the number of ironic/spoof montages in this vein outnumber the ones that are actually doing them in earnest. So, the idea can’t be “I’m doing a very original joke here.” The humor in those videos seem to be rooted in the more narcissistic ethos of “this is funny because *I’M* doing it!”

Have you ever seen Stella Shorts? I feel like a lot of aspiring comedy creators saw Stella Shorts and tried to produce similar sketches. That is: hammy, broad, intentionally sorta cheesy but ironic capitol-c comedy. And most of them would fall flat. It’s because the Stella guys were geniuses and the amateur comedians trying to do dime-store imitations of Stella Shorts were mostly not. So, it was the climate that really shaded my disdain for the montage. I wish I had my own TV show, still. I’ve occasionally written comedy pieces with the intent of putting together a low-budget sketch comedy show, and I’m certain that if I were to actually produce said comedy it wouldn’t be so easy, and I’d be very much guilty of putting unoriginal ideas on screen. But, the jealousy remains. So, sorry, Birdman. You’re still forbidden from entering my heart. Fuck you.

MAIL BAG

This is the part of the blog where we all get our eyes ready for some good messages and some good times. Here we go:

Just tried the Popeyes Nuggets, I've enjoy popeyes bone in chicken in the past so I thought I would give their boneless option a shot.

Please stop sending me nugget stuff. This is an anti-corporate, anti-capitalist blog. No one should eat any nugget unless they make it at home themselves. That’s just the facts

I can't believe I felt a little melancholy about the abrupt end of Brak. The first full fledge Adult Swim program to bite the dust. It was mostly terrible and you were better off airing an Aqua Teen episode in it's place but...wow, we'll never have that again. Goodbye Andy! See you in the shitty webtoon.

Andy is in hell now and “that’s gotta suck”. RIP.

Took the kids to Great Falls the other day, last treat before they head off to school and on our way back we stopped at Popeyes. The kids got the nuggets I went with the classic chicken. Cost me about 18 bucks with drinks and all that but it was pretty good chicken. The kids loved the nuggets. My son was like, "it's crunchy". Pretty cool place. Thanks for hipping me and my family to it. If you have any other kid-friendly places let me know because fall soccer season is coming up.

!!! SHUSH! stop that!

You arent gonna write about it since its not an original but Family Guy just left Adult Swim. Why don't you speak your mind about the show in general and what it meant for the programming block. Yeah, that sounds like a good waste of your time.

Little do you realize!

Popeyes chicken

Suck my dick

[missbeautyandherbeast]

Night Moves

Raphael X Biker!Reader

Part One

Summary: Rain prevents you from riding the next few days and you’re growing restless. You wanted to ride. You wanted... to see him. You missed him against your better judgement. But what was wrong with missing him? Nothing at all. What happens when he misses you too?

A/N: As requested a Part Two to Midnight Rider!! I loved the responses on it and I wanted to thank you all for such positive feedback. Here’s something a bit softer and cozy for the hard times. Let me know if you want another part and what you think of this one!! I love you guys! ((P.S. I just finished my last paper-a twelve page research paper-for the semester so now I have more time for creative writing!!))

Bob Seger Vinyl Ft. in this Fic

Tags: @brightlotusmoon @boatloadsofheart @legandarybeauty @crazywritingbug @bitch-kms @ravn-87 @just-a-casual-fangirl-011 @unicornjoos @stuckoutsideofthebox @ilikestuffproductions @whygz @coffee-addicti @sugarspooks15@leslieebee@serperiorkb@blossom-skies@fantastical-67impala-fangirl@coresan @big-banging-red @iceprincess2019 @raphaeladdict @thirstyforvenom @merindagriese @depressedemo-152 @bengewatch @corabmarie @bitemebro522 @tmnt-queen @muleka-loka @violet-sky-96 @curadopordeus @artemismohr18 @thewhisperpen @xjupitermoonsx @bisexualbumblebeesstuff @merindagriese@oceans-daughter-3 @dixonreedusfangirlforever @shanidenise @thegayestfish441 @lovelyyroseee @yourlieberhoe @dolphincommander @molzies-fanfics @fuzzy-panda​ 

Rain pattered against my window as the sun went down leaving New York in total darkness. I sighed and wished for sunshine or a clear night when I could ride again. When I could see him again. It had been a few days of constant rain and I was becoming stir crazy. But I wasn’t stupid enough to go riding in the rain. It wasn’t worth the risk.

I stared out my opened window and watched the raindrops race against each other. Curling up in a large sweater with a cup of tea, I settled down for the night.

A dark form in front of my window made me jump and curse, adrenaline racing. Then I realized who blocked my window. It was my daredevil rider.

I pushed the window open, throwing my hands up in dismay.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I scolded. “It’s raining, it’s not safe to be out there,”

“I had to see you,” Raph admitted sheepish as he ducked in through my window.

I headed to my small bathroom and threw him a towel or two to dry off, turning a light on in my wake. The gentle fairy lights glowed with the candles it accompanied.

“Gotta say, didn’t think your place would look like this...” Raph trailed off, his eyes taking in my studio apartment. “It’s so... cozy,”

“Thank you,” I smiled and stood by his side admiring my handiwork with him. 

I had made it cozy. My solace. My safe space.

“How’s your shoulder?” I asked, picking up my mug of tea.

“Fine,” He replied a bit too quickly.

“Well, you’re welcome to come and hang out... if that’s what this is.” I gave him a dopey smile. “I can make tea for you if you want.”

Raph stared at me like I had two heads.

___________________________________

“Not what you were expecting?” A smile played at her lips as she curled up in an armchair. 

“Not at all,” Raph muttered.

In his head he had this version of her.

Y/n. Her name forever engraved into his mind.

She was strong, confident, badass. She took no prisoners and always knew what to say. But this?

She was soft, and gentle, and he had seen it the other night in her concern. But what he saw before him, he wouldn’t have imagined. She was kind, and soft behind all of the edge and angst she gave off.

He almost loved it more, knowing that she offered both in who she was.

Y/n,

“So, what brought you around?” She mused, tucking herself under an afghan.

“It’s been raining, I haven’t seen you in a while,” He admitted again, taking a spot on her rug leaning against her couch.

A smile played at her lips and in the soft light, she was just as beautiful as she was in leather on a motorcycle. She didn’t make fun of him either, His brothers did. They thought it was ridiculous that he went to find her. Leo ordered against it. As if.

He had grown bored again with the rain coming down and he wanted to see her. 

“You haven’t been riding have you?” She asked, concern coloring her voice. 

“No,” It was the truth.

Mainly because he knew that if she found out, she’d have his ass for sure.

“Good,” She seemed pleased.

 ______________________________

Knowing sleeping had left my short-term plans, I uncurled from my chair and headed over to my record player and started the Bob Seger vinyl that I didn’t put away from earlier.

“You’re a classics fan?” He mused as the music started

“My mom was... I picked it up from her,” I admitted. “Now that I’m up do you want that tea?”

I made my way to the kitchen despite his answer and began to make another cup.

“You like classic rock then?” I asked back, leaning against the counter.

He had shifted so that he could still see me from my vantage point in the small kitchen. 

“Zeppelin,” He offered. “Though my vinyl collection isn’t as impressive as yours,” He muttered. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“Why am I not surprised you like Zeppelin,” I laughed. “Find something more original, Bon Jovi, Meatloaf! Hey, you might actually like Meatloaf,” I paused in thought. “Not that I know what you like... it just seems like... a very you band.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He acted offended, but there was a smile on his face.

“I dunno,” I could feel my face flushing. “They just seem like... you.” I gestured. “I can let you borrow my record.”

“No, I can’t ask that.” Raph shook his head, standing in protest.

“You’re not asking, I’m giving it to you.” I smiled and offered him his tea as we both settled back in my living room area.

________________________________

Raph still tried to figure her out. There was still the fire in her veins that he had seen when he rode with her. This was that same fire, but in a softer way. In one that made him take care of himself, and that allowed her to be selfless.

She hummed softly to the music and sipped her tea absentmindedly, lost in thought he presumed.

“How is your family?” She asked after a while. “It’s been a while since you guys have done anything.”

Raph laughed.

“Yeah, there isn’t much to do anymore. It’s why I started to ride again. And we’re okay, I guess. Mikey has vowed to watch ever Doctor Who episode with Donnie and it’s taking them a while to get through it all.” Raph rolled his eyes.

“I should do that.” She murmured. “I haven’t watched it in a while.” 

“You like that nerdy show?” He raised an eyebrow.

A laugh bubbled from her lips. It was soft and carefree. Somehow, even though he wasn’t racing through the streets of New York, he still felt free. A sort of freedom that crept in slowly and comforted him like a blanket.

“I do,” She smiled. “You might,”

“You keep saying that,” He challenged.

“Oh?” A smirk grew on her face and a fire in her eyes.

“That I’ll like things when you don’t really know me,” Raph contested.

She went quiet, a smile still on her lips.

“Maybe I don’t know you that well, but I think I have a good idea of what you might like.” She quipped.

“Yeah?”

She nodded, her smile growing.

A clap of thunder shook her windows as lightning flashed. She didn’t flinch. Fear didn’t occupy her features. He knew Mikey was afraid of thunder, and Donnie didn’t prefer it, but she seemed almost at home among it.

_________________________________

“Tell me then,” I whispered. “Who are you?” I moved onto the couch and curled up on the side, waiting and listening.

“What do you wanna know?” His voice held a note of uncertainty.

“How old are you?” I mused. “That’s an easy one.”

“Is this twenty questions now?” Raph raised an eyebrow.

I chuckled. “That would mean yes or no answers, this is just... a conversation.” I decided. 

“Alright, but if you get to ask questions, so do I,” He countered.

“Deal.” 

“Eighteen, you?”

“Eighteen,”

We went on like that for a while, question after question. His favorite singer was actually Billy Joel; I hated the Beatles; he never thought to read anything other than magazines; I couldn’t remember the last time I had read a book; he had never been out of the state; I had been along the east coast on road trips; he hated spinach and cucumbers; I hated smoothies and tomatoes; he had four brothers; I had one.

“Where did you learn to ride?” He asked as it neared one am.

“My mom,” I yawned, blinking slowly. “She’d take me on her bike when I was little... my dad was a mechanic...” I gave a small shrug. “Why do you ride?” I countered.

“It’s... freedom.” He replied.

I nodded, knowing what he meant. It’s why I loved to ride. No one telling you where to go or what to do or who to be, you could just ride and not stop.

“Did you miss me?” His question came softly and hesitantly.

I nodded, my eyes slipping closed from tiredness. Talking to him like this made me feel safe and more at home than I ever had before. Like I was a child, curled up on a winter night waiting for Christmas as snow fell softly into the quiet of the night. A simpler time.

“I did. It’s not the same when I’m not around you... I looked forward to our rides.” 

______________________________

Raphael watched her eyes droop closed as the hours passed. He was on a high learning so much from her and letting his walls down over stupid trivia that had him laughing and her blushing.

But being up late tonight didn’t seem to rest well with her despite their late-night rides the week before. He wondered if it was the rain that lulled her to sleep.

It didn’t really matter what it was, she was all but fast asleep on the sofa above him. Peace washed over her like this, though no smile was on her face, a gentle expression rested in her features.

“Y/n?” He asked softly, standing and stretching. He loved the feeling or her name on his lips.

She hummed a response, not opening her eyes. He wanted to laugh.

“You need to get to bed,” He muttered, taking her mug and his and carefully putting them into her sink, very conscientious of the space around him.

“Too far,” Her voice grew jumbled. “I’ll sleep on the couch,” She seemed resolved about this.

“No, you’re not,” He smiled and shook his head at her antics. “It’s not that far, lazy,” he teased gently.

“M’fine,” She tried again, her words slurring.

Raph stared at her curled-up form and her bed that rested against the back wall of her apartment.

Maybe the rain had calmed him too, or maybe being near her had let him be someone who didn’t thrive on anger and deflecting, but he carefully lifted her from the couch and walked her over to her bed and gently laid her down.

She immediately stretched out and found her way under the covers, cuddling a pillow. Her eyes never opened.

“Thanks,” She mumbled, the faintest smile playing at her lips. “Tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow,” He promised.

.

.

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