#so washing the sheets here
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My life is falling apart… and I’m having halfhearted lunchtime sex with a car mechanic. How pathetic is that. (Part 2.2)
So Robert and Sadie did the nasty and Sadie pretty much insults Robert with her comment. Katie comes home when Sadie is still there and the two of them talk themselves clear (some logistics not covered like Sadie’s scent in their bed ignored). Not included, but Katie managed to keep her job with Tom who suggested she take accounting classes and her wages will be dropped until she’s up to speed. Scott presents Dawn with the car he conned Ivy out of.
13-Apr-2005
#classic ED#classic ED robert’s story#20050413#final two scenes for part two#episode 4023#classic ED 2005#200504#sigh so they boinked#so washing the sheets here#so no perfume for katie to realize something is off?#or do they wear the same scent?#pathetic times for Sadie#robert and sadie talk themselves clear#katie wasn’t fired#scott gives dawn the old lady’s car 😠#robert sugden#karl davies#sadie king#katie sugden#dawn woods#tj woods#scott windsor
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We are home safely and soundly. My bed was very welcome after the long car rides and crappy sleep in the Airbnb, I’m such a bed snob after my time slinging mattresses.
Todays is titled: Laundry.
#ramblies#there’s a mountain of sheets#and our house sitter stripped the sheets he used which was nice#but left a wet towel on top of them which wasn’t#mold doesn’t fuck around here so that might need two washes
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I just want everyone to know that in the span of 3 days, I have made 3 loads of laundry, and have a 4th already sorted and ready to go (which includes towels / blankets / bedding). I still need to fold them and put them away BUT the important part is done 🥹
#once i out them all away i need to wash my plushies too but i'll leave it for next weekend#the laundry situation was bugging me A LOT. almost ran out of socks#why is laundry the most arduous and daunting of house chores? even dishes are much easier to get through#that post about making coffee in a million steps really resonates with me#because that's what doing laundry feels like. it's not just “wash clothes and put them away”#it's gather all dirty clothing in one place -> double check my “in use” clothes to see what also needs to be washed -> separate by colour#put on the washer -> take off the washer -> check if the clothesline is empty (and empty if not)#put them on the clothesline to dry -> empty the clothesline -> bring them to my room -> sort and fold -> put away -> rinse and repeat#many many steps. putting them outside to dry takes so long and so much energy out of me ugh#(no we do not use dryers here. that's not a thing. also i've had the experience back in the uk and while very convenient#it wears the fabric down so so much. clothes nowadays are made so flimsy and terrible quality#and using a dryer ruined a few of my favourite shirts. i do miss having warm sheets straight away tho)#but yeah. adult does basic chore whomp whomp (it's hard. i get it. you get it. i'm proud of myself and everyone else who has done A Task)#darya talks to herself
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Let's play will my roommate sleep in her bed tonight or is there Still something wrong
#I'm really self conscious of smelling bad but apparently my side of the soom smelled so bad that it was giving her migranes#which she of never brought up to me we needed to have the ra present#so I washed all my sheets right away through out my old pillows and got new ones#got sent my old blanket and fluffy rug home with my parents and got a new one that is easier to clean#got sentless fabreeze and shoe deodorizer I'm doing my laundry twice and often and showering everyday#even if it kills my hair#AND I got an air filter. so literally what else can I do she is still sleeping out on the couch#I don't even eat in here ever she does#I didn't mention this earlier bc I was embarrassed like I've had the depression middle school sent before and that sticks with you#but my parents couldn't smell anything my ra couldn't smell anything but she still wont come in here longer than to grab#a change of clothes literally what the hell am I supposed to do this actually stresses me out#sstfu.txt#girl really found one of my biggest insecurities if she's actually bothered I want to help but if she's lying ahhhh#I'm tired and there's no tag editor sorry I know some of that doesn't make sense
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so today i spilled an entire cup of coffee over my desk, and like two hours later i spilled an entire cup of sprite over my bed and now i think i'm just going to sit here and not do anything ever again
#i also stood in something very cold and wet in my kitchen when i went to put my sheets in the washing machine#turned out to be condensation having dripped from the door because i left it open after doing a boil wash earlier#but holy fuck what is wrong with me today sdkjfghsdfg#i've watched the first like 15 mins of peaceful property and i am trying to be strong but whoa secondhand#i did also spill half a cup of coffee all over my d&d notes at our game last night#i think sippy cups for jay from here on out#anyway i'm going to go. sit. and not do anything.#back to work tomorrow after nearly 2 weeks off and i'm really not feeling it#so it is decreed
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living the black and green bedding dream. i'm not sure why it was a dream but it kind of was. can't wait for it to get covered in cat fur
#sorry for the off center weighted blanket i sleep on that side#i think i forgot to wash the pillow cases oops#i got these sheets a while ago heavily discounted but only just changed them for some reason#what i REALLY want is beautiful dark forest green eucalyptus fiber sheets. but rn i'm on the walmart sale sheets budget so here we are#the tags on the pillow cases are VERY poorly placed so maybe that was why they were so discounted idk#me
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hnghhhhhh
#vent#why can’t i keep up with anything#why is my executive dysfunction kicking in THIS fucking badly#i was fine last week and this week i just. can’t#i haven’t showered in two days bc my body refuses to let me get up to do so#i haven’t washed my sheets even though i know i need to bc i haven’t had time and guess what! my body hates me anyway!#i’m a week behind in all my classes and i have an entire essay due that i know i can do but i can’t make myself work on#i want to work and i want to catch up but any time i get back to my dorm i just sit here and do absolutely nothing#it’s not even rotting bc at least then i might be comfortable#im going to my classes but that’s about the extent of it. i feel like im half asleep and more focused on looking awake than processing#i just. i dont know#ive never really had seasonal depression but maybe this is that. who knows#reese’s pieces
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well since i have fuckall to do for the next few days till i get back to work on Tuesday. i really should rewatch The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
#psy's no punctuation posts#i've been gearing up to rewatch it for a while it just hasn't happened#but it's my favorite movie and i'm sick and it seems like a good time to watch my favorite movie again#i'm washing my sheets n stuff today and catching up on some chores around here so when i make my bed i might put on the soundtrack#i have the soundtrack on vinyl heehee
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sick and twisted that organizing my desk space (and organizing the clutter in my room in general) does, in fact, make me feel a lot happier and a lot better about my life . . . sick and twisted
#caroline talks#guys i got this desk organizer . . . it's got my nail polishes and my sticky notes and pens and pencils in one place#and it makes me. very happy.#i did spend. the last hour and a half cleaning my room and just. mopping. dusting. unpacking. re-organizing my closet.#i need to wait for my washing machine + dryer to finish up so i can finally finish changing my sheets#and i also need to clean my bathroom. and then. and then i'm going to go to a meeting.#i really do like. living away from my parents for the most part. i love them but i also. think i just feel more motivated when i'm not#living with them. cue: decorating my room for the first time in forever. organizing things. cleaning more. telling myself that despite my#desire to crawl into bed and not get back up. i need to buy milk.#(WHICH. DEEP SIGH. I DON'T WANT TO BUY MILK)#(but tomorrow me will be SO thankful. i know this. i know this too well.)#(but the grocery store feels so far . . . .. . ... )#(lunch. i need to eat lunch. that's what's going on here tbh)
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OKAY HERE WE GO.
3rd times the charm gdhjsdsfjhdjak
Also I FINALLY learned how to draw Gman! He looks so much better now omg.
Old refs below the cut for comparison's sake
what was i even doing omg. It becomes more obvious when you flip back and forth between them but. yeah.
#THEY ACTUALLY LOOK ALIVE NOW#i actually finished these a while ago but i just kinda. forgot to post them.#but yeah so allow me to explain myself rq#i've been trying to get better at drawing and thus made the horrible mistake of trying to be 'realistic'#but in my mind 'realism' was just. renaissance paintings.#and those paintings tend to be really washed out because- yknow- THEYRE OLD.#so yeah my bad gdfsh#i didn't even realize i was doing it like that. it just kinda... hit me.#and why the fuck am i trying to mimic an art style i don't even like that much? fuck that noise.#i'm doing this my way. and that means VIBRANT COLORS from here on out.#so yeah. sorry about that. will be doing better from here on out.#refs#ref sheet#character refs
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doing some chores I've been putting off for a long time. probably will play FFXIV if I'm not too tired afterwards
#I cleaneed the toilet inside and out. you could eat out of my toilet#I'm washing my towels and sheets which I should have done like 2 weeks ago#I wish I had money to buy myself some tacobell but honestly I have enough food here at home so I can cook myself a good lunch#I maybe should clean the fridge too#we'll see
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god damn it nanowrimo starts tomorrow night and here i am thinkin about possessive bayverse leo i fkkin hate it hereeeeeeeeeeee
#text tag#once he lets himself have you he’ll break his own fingers before he lets you go#ohhhmgmgmmyggggddddd#he’d be soooo annoying about you wearing his clothes. about using the same body wash. sleeping in the same sheets.#he’d be that boyfriend that like. works you into every conversation. not even on purpose. just because he thinks about you All The Time#and everything reminds him of you. oh this is your favorite color. this is your favorite song. you love this flavor.#donnie: leo if you order one more pair of oversized shirts for your girlfriend the post office will learn where we live and i’ll kill you.#leo: [sweats bc he just placed a second then third order bc the first one Definitely wasn’t enough]#and oh God. hickies. he hates them and loves them in equal measure. he feels like an animal marking you up.#but it feels so Good every time someone looks at them and knows Leonardo Put This Here. Leo Did This. Leo Is Allowed To Do This.#god i need to STOPPPPPPP WHY HAS NO ONE STOPPED ME YET#fragment tag
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#ok so this is probably gross and v tmi but y'all have been here long enough to know there's somethin wrong with me#just showered for the first time since last tuesday and i feel so good#the meds are still kicking my ass as i acclimate and i've felt very shitty and weak and faint for the last week and a half#but i feel okay rn!! gonna try cleaning a bit because we finally got the dryer fixed and i get to sleep on freshly washed and dried sheets😭#ty to everyone that's been reaching out and supporting me. i'm still looking fot work and still trying my best!!!#TB is doing a great job at punching through all my intrusive thoughts and mania
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cannot tell you guys how infinitely better i feel today compared to yesterday at this time
#awesomepie3221#yesterday i barely managed to wash my hair while sitting down in the tub#today i just went and washed my hair brushed my teeth AND retainer put a blanket down over my sheets so im sleeping on spmething cleaner#im still not 100 but i am A LOT better#yesterday i didnt eat except a few timy bit of gaucomole and barely had any liquids. today ive had soup crackers porkchop and at least more#water#i cant believe how bad it was yesterday#man i got multiple words here wrong. i washed my body* today. ate a few bites of avocado*
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more post-adderall dose increase discoveries
Now that I'm not experiencing excruciating executive dysfunction around menial tasks like consistently brushing / flossing my teeth and cleaning up after myself immediately rather than waiting for dishes and trash to build up to the point that it's gross...I'm noticing some more interesting things. I definitely still have executive dysfunction, though now instead of it making everything equally difficult across the board, it's retreated to slightly more labor intensive undertakings, like preparing food and working on my novel. And I never thought I'd see the day that I'd procrastinate by...cleaning??
Before, if there was a task I was avoiding / struggling to start, I'd just kind of...sit there in my bed and play video games and eat, all the while stressing about the fact that I wasn't Doing The Thing. Now? I'm still not Doing A Thing, but at least in the meantime I'm fucking washing my bathroom mirror, breaking down some amazon boxes, and doing laundry lmao call that productive procrastination
#and journaling on tumblr dot com too I guess lol#dear diary: the meth is working and now I'm turning into my mother#when she'd tell me she cleans to kill time / for fun I literally couldn't fathom it#like sure sometimes I'd feel relief AFTER I'd cleaned my disgusting room or washed my sheets#but the concept of taking any pleasure in the act itself? or engage in cleaning as a compulsion? unimaginable#But now I'd say for every hour I waste playing video games I spend like half an hour scrubbing something#or taking part in self grooming rituals that I've never had the patience to do regularly#do you think this depressed bitch had the energy or motivation to regularly moisturize my skin and lips before???#or brush my teeth after every single meal? and here I am buying a fucking WATER PICK now just because I like how clean teeth feel like#so anyway have fun witnessing me experiencing childlike joy via the completion of basic daily tasks#personal
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Since I've got some life insurance money now, I keep ordering packages. Birthday gifts, household necessities/utility things that I've wanted but haven't bought b4 now for whatever reason (an electric kettle, a portable speaker, more outlet strips, wood cleaner, some cubbies for one of my new cabinets, etc), and Also a few frivolous nice things for myself (like the figurine, and the dice, and some comic books)
I'm expecting it to slow down after I've gotten things more settled, but I rly wonder what the post ppl think of me rn. Like "this bitch again?" I'm sorry post people I am simply trying to sort out my life rn. I promise I will be less annoying in time.
#speculation nation#birthday gifts not listed bc my sister follows me here lol. but theyre for her.#i think ive gotten everything im gonna get for her bday tho 🤔🤔 at least from online. we'll see if i see anything out and about lol#part of me going a little ham with it now that i financially Can. part of me wanting to make sure she gets plenty of gifts#considering. well. we wont get any more gifts from dad.#which Wow that still stings huh. just gonna try to not think about that too much lol#anyways im working on a bunch of cleaning rn. washing my sheets and tidying and cleaning the floors#my apartment is in A State after we shoved all the shit from my dad's place in here.#so many boxes to go through and unpack and organize#the good thing is i have much more furniture to put things in. i just have to actually Do it.#blegh. so much work. but it must be done....#buuuuut! i have a portable speaker now 😌 so i am listening to music as i go. hell yea
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