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dawntheduckrb · 1 year ago

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...I missed another week.

I, um, got really sick last week. At first I thought it was food poisoning, and then we thought it was a stomach bug, and then some other highly inconvenient supposed-to-be-monthly-but-never-is occurrence started, and after checking some family medical history, now we're thinking there's a chance I might have endometriosis :3 epic

I got better though ^-^

��and then managed to get a cold right after…

I'm functional, just slightly unconformable, and I can't breathe and my voice is a lot deeper than normal (I'm not complaining about that though lmao).

The week I missed was about whether the bible condones slavery, and unlike the last time I missed a week, I'm actually gonna go back and watch this one later. Maybe not until after the rest of the series is done, 'cause I can only handle this once a week. But, I'm still interested in what they had to say since it’s not something they talk about a lot. So expect that later!

That being said…

MASSIVE CONTENT WARNING

THIS SHIT IS GROSS

This talks very blatantly about sex, because it seems they think that is the only thing LGBTQ+ people think about. If those topics make your skin crawl, maybe skip this one. Specific warnings for mentions of rape, sexual abuse, misogyny (AND misandry, if that one example the pastor gives counts), homophobia, transphobia, and general religion/religious themes. (I think that's the longest list so far)

With that out of the way:

Week 6: Is the Bible Anti-Gay?

Apparently this was the only message they preemptively received emails about. Some people messaged them to let them know they should lay into the LGBTQ+ community. Our pastor said that this was not at all their goal. He also requested that the people in the sanctuary didn't clap for every single thing they agreed with, because of how it may come off as insensitive towards other people listening. A pleasant surprise for sure, given the attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community common in evangelical circles where I live.

If you're reading this and somehow haven't seen me mention it before, I believe it's important to mention that I live in Southern U.S, right in the middle of the bible belt (yeehaw or something idk). Some progressive churches exist in other parts of the U.S, and they have been slowly been increasing in number which is great, but something like that is a sight to be seen down here. Churches here are notorious for their intolerance. So uh, spoiler alert, this sermon says that homosexuality is a sin and will have some pretty awful takes in regards to LGBTQ+ people. There wasn’t much of an introduction, so I'll just go ahead and start with the main points;

1.) Did Jesus say anything about homosexuality?

Some people tend to claim that Jesus said nothing about homosexuality, and that because of this, the bible doesn't really have a stance on it. However, this is untrue;

"'Haven’t you read the Scriptures?' Jesus replied. 'They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.'' And he said, ''This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.'”(Matthew 19:4-6)

Here, Jesus explicitly defines sex as meant to be between a man and a women within the confines of marriage. It is meant to be for pleasure, for procreation, and more than anything else, a presentation of the gospel that joins two people together. "This [verse] defines the true form of sex, not every perversion of it." Jesus here only provides us the model of what sex should look like. Anything that does not follow this model is a perversion; things like rape and adultery, for example.

2.) We Must Show both Grace and Truth

In today's culture, some churches are very affirming of homosexuality, even sometimes having gay pastors. Others are completely alienating to anyone who "struggles with same sex attraction or is living in a homosexual lifestyle". The bible has a different approach. The bible's response to homosexuality is graceful, and with truth.

"Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1-11)

If we are to follow the bible, we should be neither affirming nor alienating. He gives an example through the story where a woman who was caught committing adultery was brought to Jesus to be stoned. This was done as an attempt to put Jesus in a bind; to either continue his word of loving everyone, or to follow the law of Moses. This is when Jesus speaks that famous line, "He who is without sin should cast the first stone." Nobody was, and the men who brought the woman to Jesus began to leave. Jesus then lets the woman go, telling her to no longer sin. Here, we see an excellent example of grace and truth. Both affirming sin and alienating sin is the most unloving thing somebody can do. Jesus doesn't do either of those here; he doesn't condone the woman's sin (gives truth), but he doesn't look down on her either (extends grace).

Some say that the bible says not to judge others, so we shouldn't bother people for living differently than us. This is half correct. Yes, the bible says not to judge others:

"'Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.'"(Matthew 7:1-2)

But, not judging another person doesn't mean you shouldn't tell them what you believe to be true. You just shouldn't enact judgment on them by doing so, either through alienation or retaliation. "We must love our gay neighbor more than we love our position on sexual morality."

"You judge someone not when you asses their position but when you dismiss them as a person." -JD Greear

3.) Greater and Lesser Sins?

Some Christians see homosexuality as one of the worst sins. Is it still, of course a sin; any sex outside of marriage is, both homosexuality and heterosexuality. But some people hold homosexuality to a higher level of severity. However, the bible doesn't grade sin. There are different consequences for different sins, but all sin is equal in the eyes of god. Even still, even if it was ranked, sin itself doesn't send people to hell. The only thing that does this is rejecting Christ as your savior. The thing is though, if you begin to live your life with Christ, your behavior tends to change to reflect a life where you avoid sin. If our ability to be with god was based on our ability to be without sin, nobody would be going to heaven (a large portion of people were probably speeding on the way to church, he said. Which is likely correct). So no, homosexuality isn't the worst sin; sin isn't on a scale like that. But it is still not something that reflects life in Christ, so it is not something we should just accept.

The pastor changed subjects for a little bit in the middle of this, and went on a small rant about "tolerance." He said that tolerance used to mean that we should let people believe what they want. Nowadays, the meaning has been changed to say that tolerance means that you have to affirm and validate people's positions, no matter what they believe. He thought the definition was no longer right.

"We know that the law is good when used correctly. For the law was not intended for people who do what is right. It is for people who are lawless and rebellious, who are ungodly and sinful, who consider nothing sacred and defile what is holy, who kill their father or mother or commit other murders. The law is for people who are sexually immoral, or who practice homosexuality, or are slave traders, liars, promise breakers, or who do anything else that contradicts the wholesome teaching" (1 Timothy 1:8-10)

Once again, the bible says sexuality immorality is a sin, and explicitly mentions homosexuality here too. He made a comment here about people who will go and blast people who are homosexual, all while living with their girlfriend/boyfriend or actively watching porn or things like that. All of this is sexual immorality, and to put down others while living like this is hypocrisy at its finest.

4.) We are all Broken and in Desperate Need of God's Grace

This is specifically refencing the common idea that people who are homosexual are born the way they are. That they have those desires innately, and so it shouldn't a sin to enact on them, because why else would that desire be there in the first place?

Our pastor agrees with this idea. He agrees in the sense that he says we are all born with improper desires. The whole, we are all born in sin because of The Fall concept. Everyone struggles with sin, and we need to be born again away from sin. He then gave a quote from a "former lesbian" (????former?), now a Christian author who is married to her husband with kids;

"Adam's fall rendered my deep and primal feelings untrustworthy and untrue." -Rosaria Butterfield

This is true of all of us; the Fall has given us all desires we can't trust. We all have a natural tendency towards sin. He furthered this by giving an example of a pastor he knows, who once said that he had a desire to have a sexual relationship with every attractive women he saw. That is an innate desire within him, and he needs to always repent from that. Those with same-sex attraction are in the same boat. He went on saying that this is also true for those with gender dysphoria. He says that people dealing with that are also fighting desire; those who claim they are a "man/woman trapped in a man's/woman's body" have a desire to relate as another gender. These are all examples of fallen desires, and things we need to all repent from.

Our pastor then went on to say that the way we treat LGBTQ+ people today is not good. He gave a hypothetical example; if a young 15 year old girl were to go to the hospital with anorexia, then the hospital's first response would not be to change her body (he said, "they wouldn't just give her a liposuction"). They would try to change what's going on in her mind, so she begins to believe things about herself differently. But when children appear with gender dysphoria, people today think it's okay to permit drastic changes to their bodies, with things such as hormone therapy or "radically aggressive surgeries," when what really need to happen is for them to have their minds renewed. Especially with teenagers, who may feel like a different person every single day.

In all, we shouldn't focus on making a gay person straight. We need to focus on making those who are dead in Christ alive in god's word.

He somehow got off track again by talking about how when men are gay, sometimes it's because they come from a bad home life. They lacked a good father figure, so they are mostly just looking for love from any man to fill that hole. He also said he has never met a female who was a lesbian who didn't experience sexual abuse in their childhood. (he really emphasized the word female here like some kind of different species). He said, "Do they exist? Sure they do. I've not met one." Said those traumatic experiences as a child will change their desires. It's not okay to stay like that though.

"But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols made to look like mere people and birds and animals and reptiles.

So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved." (Romans 1:18-27)

If we look at creation, it is very clear that there is a creator. We may try to deny that because if we accept this, then we must also accept that there is a higher authority than ourselves. This denial will cause us to have misplaced desires. This is where all of our sinful desires come from, and everyone must turn away from them.

5.) Nobody is out of reach of the grace of God

"Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:11)

All of these are sins that are a result of rejecting a relationship with Jesus. But when we accept that relationship, we are making the decision to try and live in a way that rejects sin. We may lose our battle with sin sometimes, and that's okay. We are all in a constant struggle against sin, but Jesus gives us the power to fight against it.

"When the Lord entered my world, I experienced that gospel-ignited 'expulsive power of a new affection.' The new affection was not heterosexuality, but Jesus, my Jesus, my friend and Savior. I was not converted out of homosexuality. I was converted out of unbelief." -Rosaria Butterfield

Saying no to sexual immorality, whether that be through pre-marital sex, an affair, rape, or homosexuality, is saying yes to Jesus. Intimacy with another person is temporary; intimacy with Christ is eternal. "Self-denial, not self-expression, leads to true fulfillment."

Some people may be able to free themselves of homosexual desire, while some may struggle with it for their whole lives. For those who will always struggle with it, is isn't because god is cruel. Our pastor explains why god would do this with a quote:

"God leaves sin in our lives to convince us until our dying day that we are in desperate need of him" -John Newton

"God's acceptance is the power that liberates us from sin, not the reward for having liberated." God gives us the tools we need to fight our battles; he doesn't win them for us. We need him to fight against sin, so God uses our battles with sin as a way to bring us closer to him.

Our pastor closed by saying that God loves us, that our sexual identity does not define us, and that anyone who is currently struggling with homosexuality is more than welcome to visit any of the deacons they had at the front of the sanctuary.

As for my thoughts.

1.) I think it's extremely unfair to equate falling in love with someone who happens to have similar biology to you to rape. I don't even think that needs to be said. I'm upset that this even has to be said.

2.) Note how not once did he mention love in this. There's no love to be had between two people of the same sex, according this ideology. Only sexual attraction. I genuinely don't think people like this can fathom the idea of loving before/without sexual attraction, or that people who are the same gender can love each other in the romantic sense of the word and not just the sexual. I say this because I was exactly like this a long time ago.

When I was a Christian, I made a very clear differentiation in my head between homosexual couples and heterosexual ones. I never thought of heterosexual relationships as inherently sexual relationships, and I'm ashamed to admit that at that time, I didn't think the same of homosexual ones. The only model I had for reference of a loving relationship were mothers and fathers, and anything else was unheard of and framed as surface level only. This is a position of complete ignorance. In my case and for others like me, it was genuine ignorance caused by indoctrination from my family, and has gone away after a lot of work and a lot of learning (not an excuse for my awful behavior towards some people, only reasoning). At a certain point though, if you have been confronted with the reality that people love for more than surface level reasons and still believe things like this, it becomes willful ignorance, and that is a horrible thing to parade around as holy morals.

3.) Tolerance still means living and letting be. The problem is, when you feel like letting people live their non-Christian lives is an egregious sin punishable by eternal death and hellfire, and start creating laws that target those people and harass those people and use your religious texts to make them feel like awful people for simply being happy due to those beliefs, you're not exactly doing the "let be" part of that sentence. Yeah, not every act done in the name of God is from God, but at a certain point you have to see the trend of how a good portion of your church is not exactly pleasant towards LGBTQ+ people. You don't have to affirm or validate anybody, but you shouldn't put others in harm's way just because they don't follow your religious text. The bible says that God has made it our choice to follow him, so even in the context of the word, nobody has a right to force someone to live under God's law. (Matthew 10:14 for an explicit example, but this is hardly a divisive viewpoint among Christians. Some just seem to forget about it at the polls).

4.) They don't just start pumping kids full of hormones. This literally doesn't happen. I don't even know how we got to gender dysphoria in a sermon on homosexuality but geez. There's massive amounts of therapy that goes into it, there's puberty blockers that are 100% reversible. And for adults, these surgeries and hormone therapies aren't framed as "radical" when they happen to cis people. This is common propaganda being pushed around to garner fear towards trans people, and is extremely harmful.

5.) Most gay people are missing love from their parents or have been sexually abused, thus causing them to be gay? Really?

6.) It is not common to want to sleep with every woman you see. He gave that example so casually, like he was announcing that his friend also likes to go bowling. He may not have mentioned it here, but I can say that in the past, we have had entire sermons dedicated to telling men how to not see women as sex objects, and how to instead respect women, and for them to love their wives and be good fathers. They are of the view that it is all to common for most men to be dealing with things like this. This case, is of course, severe compared to most, but the struggle with temptation is there for most men according to them.

Not all men are like this. Not all people are like this. People who don't read the bible don't always also want to have sex with every person they find appealing. If the only thing keeping someone from doing bad things (such as hitting on every attractive person you see) is an ancient tome, then there might be an internal issue that should be addressed. I don't like the notion that those without the bible have no way of fighting intrusive thoughts like these. These are intrusive thoughts, they're unwanted. The pastor who is dealing with this likely does have that as a natural reaction towards women he finds interesting, and it's a good thing he is aware there is a problem. Thats the most important step in moving away from things like that. That's not the bad part. The issue I have is, something like that cannot be corrected by just praying it away and asking for forgiveness from God every time you slip up. There's a bit of a viewpoint change towards other people that needs to happen there for that to show noticeable change. It's a bit concerning that this is coming from a pastor, but maybe I'm just being weird about that.

7.) (and last) How cruel can a god be to create someone born to live a life without love, while placing them in a position where they can't help but love those who they are not allowed to? You can't just get over it and make yourself love somebody. That's not how it works. To make a person force themselves to be absolutely miserable for decades in an attempt to prove their devotion to you? What kind of god would something like that? A narcissistic one, I'm inclined to believe.

I had a lot of words on this, and I had to condense them down because I could honestly rant on for hours about things like this. It hits me personally. I've dealt with gender dysphoria for far longer than I knew what gender dysphoria even was. I'm still coming to terms with that. I've felt strongly for people who I wasn't supposed to according to the bible, and I hated myself for it. I forced myself to push those people away. I'll never forgive myself for that.

In religions like this, it feels suffocating having these ideas crammed into you for as long as you remember. If you want out, there's a good chance you'll have to find a way to crawl out all on your own, because they likely won't help you. It's hard, but it's possible, and it's very much worth it. The friends I've made and the people I've met just within the past year are people I would have never met had I not began work on myself first. Online and irl; they are all wonderful people and I'm very happy to have known them. I know there's not really a whole lot of people who read these journal/summary/things, but I still hope that someone can read these and relate to them. If it helps even one hypothetical person, then it's worth posting (plus, it's very nice to get it out of my system, so this is partially for myself haha).You're not alone, and there are people who understand what you're going through, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel :) (it's a very long tunnel, but who said walking wasn't fun)

That's really all I can think to say for now, so as always, thank you for reading :D hopefully the next long writing I post will be that story I've been working on

Day of the Sun Waterproof Birds (religion tw in notes)

#ooh man this one made me mad #I've looked this over several times now buut #there's a chance I said something goofy #if i missed anything or didn't hit the mark on something let me know #like I said i'm still unlearning a lot of shitty behaviors #i'd like to think i'm pretty far along by now #but the only way for me to know for sure is feedback #content warning galore #cw homophobia #cw transphobia #cw rape #cw religion #cw misogyny #cw misandry #that last one is a new one #new record!#long post

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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

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(The majority of members of these communities are not monosexual either. They tend to be like a third bi/pan/etc. and a third ace as far as I can tell. That’s sort of a side point but sort of not. These are spaces of liminal queerness and contested identities played out on less contested bodies, just as drag plays out contested queer genders in the form of parodic excesses of conventional genders.)

could you elaborate on what you mean by this a little? it resonates as accurate, certainly i use fandom spaces to explore asexuality and gender and the like, but i'm wondering if there was anything specific you were trying to get at as well

A lot of commentary about BL type fandoms focuses on cis gay men and the idea that we're writing about gay men. Sometimes, that's true. There are certainly phases where I see a lot of presumed-straight-in-canon characters written as 1000000% gay. But it's far, far more common to find bi men in m/m fanfic than in m/m movies or other bigger pro media.

To understand what the deal is with these BL spaces, you have to grapple with the fact that it's not primarily The Straights, nor is it cis gay men writing about cis gay men. It tends to be people who don't have a tidy category to write about. Not that one can't write OCs who are exactly like oneself, of course... but...

I guess it feels a little mean to me the way there's this 'stay in your lane' vibe coming off of a lot of critique. If you're a cis gay man, you're going to get kicked around by society, but what your lane is is reasonably clear.

If you're like "Uh... nb... I guess? Or genderqueer? Or agender? I don't fucking know!" are you supposed to pick a specific identity and stick to that? Does the Council of Genderweird need to hand down a ruling on which genders you're allowed to write about, or does it just have to match what's in your pants? (And if so, what about people with ambiguous genitalia? They exist!)

Bisexuality and asexuality are moderately less confusing than a lot of gender stuff, I suppose, but even though stereotypes of bi men and bi women are different, there's a certain commonality to both being bi. Ditto bisexuals of other genders. Same with asexuals of various genders. These identities aren't in neat gender boxes. They don't fit tidily into a bifurcated notion of "queer history".

These are identities that don't have history.

I don't mean "nobody was ace before five years ago on tumblr, hur hur". I mean that the scanty history we do know of queerness tends to be of cis gay men and cis lesbians. Some of those individuals in the modern day would likely identify as bisexual, trans, and all sorts of things, but we don't have them around to ask. We have a written record and the attempts at historical preservation the queer community has done in the past, which tended to simplify things to gay guys and lesbians most of the time.

So when I catch a whiff of "Leave the m/m to cis gay men" or even "Leave the m/m to cis queer men", it irritates me because it's so obviously punching down.

BL fandom is an active process of people in these mushy boundary categories creating a record of our self expression.

Slash fandom is the birth of a bi aesthetic. It's necessary allegorical distance for people who don't feel at home in their parts, at least not if those parts are bumping uglies, whether that's because they're asexual or because they're trans and partners see them the wrong way right now. It's an amorphous queer space carved out for those of us who aren't hanging out in the rigid cis gay men and cis lesbians camps.

Which isn't to say that cis gay men or cis lesbians aren't also in BL space. They absolutely are. I just think tumblr has been trained to center these two experiences by a lot of rhetoric about ownvoices and representation.

What if you have an identity where Representation™ of yourself makes you uncomfortable? What if you don't know what you are? What if you're so weird you might be the only one?

Cis gay men's gender is an area where a lot of assumptions get foisted on them by society. They also have a more complex relationship to gender and to various cultural norms than cis straight men do. Drag performance has often been a way of exploring that. It's easier to express this complicated mess through a metaphor than through just depicting gay men's actual genders and other people stereotyping them.

Cis gay men are allowed that kind of space to play.

But BL fandom people are not afforded that same space and respect.

There is a constant demand that our art be for other people rather than ourselves and that we never descend into allegory that might overlap with somebody else's literal representation.

I think this is a bad trend and its philosophical underpinnings are rotten.

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mlm-writer · 3 years ago

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He May Be My Muse, But You Are My Love (Jaskier x M!Reader)

Pairing: Jaskier/Dandelion/Julian Alfred Pankratz x Top Cis Male Reader Rating: Explicit Words: 1637 POV: Second Summary: Jakier loves to sing about you, but the muses do not speak to him about you. Jaskier would rather ignore them than hurt you, but you would rather hurt than hold Jaskier back. Notes: No one asked, but I binged S2 and now this is what we are doing. Third installment of my Jaskier x Better bf than Geralt works. Part One and Part Two are here. NO S2 SPOILERS set between S1 and S2 Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, communication (the best kink in a relationship), bathing together, established relationship, handjob, anal sex and riding

Boisterous sounds of joy and enjoyment surrounded you as you drank your mead at a wooden table in a tavern in Oxenfurt. The warm lights of the flames illuminating the place near midnight added to the hearty atmosphere, but there was a void, a passion missing in the melodious words that filled the air. Your boyfriend sang of your meeting some months ago, voice full of emotion, but something amiss nonetheless. A lesser man would get too inflated by being painted as a guiding light through the mist, as a spark of hope in the midst of the eternal darkness of despair, as a furnace in the frozen heart of a sustained winter. Not you though. You knew more than anyone that Jaskier was an artist that could sing the praises of a rotten apple and still make it sound appetising.

And yet, there was a distinct lacking that the common patron could not put a finger on, but definitely feel. There was a vehemence that you were used to hearing in his voice, but was not quite there these days. Those not quite sparkling eyes met yours through the room and you shot him a smile, before chugging the remainder of your drink and going upstairs. You let Jaskier collect his coin and bask in the worship of his audience. As he entertained the people in the aftermath of his performance, you reheated the water that was brought up to your room earlier that evening.

The aroma of Jaskier’s carefully crafted mix of herbs and oils filled the room as you prepared the bath just as you learned from your bard. If there was one thing your love taught you, it was that luxury was worth its coin. You were already down to your birthday suit and in the tub when Jaskier entered the room, shedding his chemise the second the door was closed. “Oh you are the perfect man, my love,” he moaned at the smell coming from the water.

You smiled while he undressed and got in the tub with you, sloshing water over the edges as he made himself comfortable between your folded legs. He almost purred at the feeling of being engulfed in hot water. You raked your fingers through his hair. He seemed to be letting it grow out these days. “Don’t thank me yet. I just thought a comfortable bath would soften a hard conversation.” You felt Jaskier tense in your arms and you moved your hand down to tenderly massage the muscles between his neck and shoulders. “You’re not quite yourself lately. Talk to me… please.”

Jaskier was awfully quiet, but you felt his muscles relax steadily. “So you’ve noticed?” He eventually inquired. You gave a confirming hum in reply, hoping he would make up for your lack of words. “I… I guess there is no point in lying then…” You kissed the back of his head, hands going down to his shoulders and fingers gently digging into the flesh. “I uh… have been thinking a lot… about him.” You froze for a second, but resumed your pampering right after.

“Happy thoughts or bad thoughts?” Your hands moved down to his shoulders. Your fingers prodded at all the hard outlines of muscle. When did your songbird become so muscular?

Jaskier was quiet for a while. “Both, I suppose. I just… I keep wondering what I could have done differently, so it wouldn’t have ended like it did. I… uh… I want… I have…” He took a deep breath, trying to stitch more words together. “Then again, if I had prevented our abrupt departure, I would have never found you, my love. It… complicates my regrets.” You hummed, taking in the words of the distressed bard between your legs.

“If this has been bothering you so much, it surprises me there is no song about it yet,” you settled on, ignoring the pang of jealousy that travelled through your body. A small moan and a sigh of relief came from the man in front of you as you released the stress in his biceps.

“You do not like it when I sing about him,” came Jaskier’s reply, void of accusation. It was a mere fact, an observation. You stopped your massage in favour of wrapping your arms around his torso and connecting his back with your chest.

“You write your best songs when they are about him,” you retorted in the same manner. You were quiet for a moment, soaking in the hot water and enjoying the intimacy of skin touching skin. “Do not let me hold you back. You are far too talented to ignore your heart.”

Jaskier turned around, the small bathtub not working with him. Your legs were already folded in half just to fit and now he was soaking the floor with bathwater to face you. One arm hung over your shoulder as he placed the other over your heart. “You are my heart. He may be my muse, but you are my love.” You cracked a smile. It felt like you were sharing your boyfriend with a man who was not only an asshole, but also not even present in your lives.

Your fake smile soon turned real as warm lips planted themselves onto yours. A hand on the back of your head kept you connected at the lips as Jaskier’s hand travelled south. He was already down to your abs when you stopped his hand with your own. The bard looked close to offended when he lifted his head away from yours. “Let’s get clean first,” you told him with a teasing smile.

After that, Jaskier made quick work of a scrub down to get the grime of the tavern and your day job off your bodies. He kissed you feverishly as he all but dragged you to the bed. Impatient hands pushed you down onto the thin mattress, but he did not allow you to drag him with you. With your lips finally separated, you could finally breathe, the hot air leaving your bodies forming small clouds in the air between you. “Let me stoke the fire before we get started.” He left you on the bed as he went to the fireplace and placed an extra few logs into the flames to heat up the room. You took the time to light a few more candles, casting your room in a warm orange glow.

When Jaskier turned to you, it was evident in his eyes that he had plans for you. You let him guide you onto your back with a pillow supporting your head. The oil that was usually meant for him was rubbed between his hands, before they caressed your balls. You sighed in pleasure as Jaskier gently rubbed and massaged your balls and cock. Your eyes fell closed as you let yourself go in the feeling of his hands on your sensitive bits.

When Jaskier moved away from his position between your knees, you opened your eyes. The first thing you saw was your boyfriend’s beautiful face hanging over you. You felt him rubbing the head of your cock over his slicked hole. “Want me to…” You did not get to finish as Jaskier sank down on you, unbelievably tight. “Holy shit, Jask, you have not stretched.” He only took the tip, pushing it past the ring of muscles, only to pull it out again. You cursed as he fucked the head of your cock.

“I don’t need to, not anymore,” the artist spoke through his teeth. “Isn’t it beautiful how we just fit together?” His free hand caressed your cheek. “Dear heart, you are - oh fuck - irreplacable.” Your lips clashed together from time to time as Jaskier steadily fucked himself on your cock, taking in a little more every now and then. When he finally bottomed out, the whorish moan leaving him almost made you cum. “Melitele’s tits, I am so full,” Jaskier gasped. You watched his chest rise and fall. He was equally a work of art and an artist.

You let your hands run over his heated skin, fighting the urge to grab his hips and go to town on him. This was something Jaskier needed to do, as much for himself as for you. “Be careful, Jask, you’ve made your point,” you huffed as your fingers dug into the skin at his hip. He preened under your attention. You entered the house of the gods, when Jaskier moved with determination and enthusiasm. His hole was tight around your cock and the slide was a little rough.

Jaskier, being the demon descendant he was, knew exactly how to make you lose your mind. He touched you just right, made sure you were watching when he touched himself. His dirty mouth ran circles around your head when he filled the room with his filthy words. Way sooner than you had hoped for, you spilled your seed inside him. He milked every drop out of you, tightening his hole as he moved up and relaxing when he went down.

Like a ragdoll the brunet collapsed on top of you. You stroked his hair as you caught your breath. The wet strands got tangled up and you slowly combed them out with your fingers. Once you felt like you had a brain cell to spare, you kissed the forehead of the man on top of you. “You want me to finish you off with my mouth?” You whispered with a grin. To your surprise, Jaskier let out a negative noise. “You sure?” A tired hum confirmed that your bard was not up for moving anytime soon, in spite of his hard length pressing into your stomach. You smiled and pulled the blankets over your bodies. It was shortly after when Jaskier fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat.

#jaskier #the witcher #julian alfred pankratz #jaskier x reader #jaskier x male reader #jaskier x you #jaskier x y/n #male reader

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thatblackravenclaw · 3 years ago

Text

Idiots In Love

Masterlist

author note: I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one. I like it, but I'm not sure if you all will like it. Let me know lovelies.

Poly!Marauders x fem!gryffindor!reader

word count: 924

warning(s): fluff, mutual pining, communication is key, not proofread because I'm lazy

Telling your guy best friends that you’re in love with them shouldn’t be too hard, right? Just say it. I can’t. We’ve been best friends for years and now all of a sudden I want more? But it’s not like that. Not at all. I’ve been in love with them since I truly got to know them all. Is it right to be in love with all three? It doesn’t feel wrong.

“Uh oh. Something’s going on in that little head of yours. Spill.” Sirius says after kissing me on my forehead.

I focus back in on my surroundings and see that Remus, James, and Sirius have all joined me in the common room. I could tell them. I could tell them all right now. It’s perfect. We’re the only ones in here.

I look them all in the eyes and realize that I seriously lack the most important Gryffindor trait, courage.

“Just the history paper that Binns assigned us. I was kind of dozed during the lesson, so I’m not quite sure what to write.”

“What’s it supposed to be on?” James asks.

“Uhm, the Werewolf Code of Conduct of 1637.”

“So you have a werewolf best friend and decided not to ask for help on the subject?” Sirius asks me with the utmost sass in his tone.

“Well, excuse me, but last time I checked Remmy wasn’t even alive in 1637 and why would I assume he knew the history on the matter?”

“As that may be true, I actually read up on it one night when I couldn’t sleep, so I can help you. We can go to the library whenever you’re free.”

I don’t know if I can handle being alone with him with my emotions at an all-time high like this.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds great. Want to go after dinner?”

“Works for me.” He says with a smile.

My heart is beating erratically. I can’t even hear what the new topic is due to the blood rushing in my ears.

“I’m going to be up in my room if you guys need me. Marlene needs my help with something.” I say suddenly without meeting their eyes. I stand and then walk upstairs.

I didn’t full lie. Marlene does need help. Not from me though. We’re both in love with our best friends and there’s nothing we’re doing about it. She’s in love with Lily and Dorcas but refuses to tell them.

I open the door to find her dramatically laid upon her bed.

“Hey Marls”

“Hey.” She says seeming very short with me.

“Oh? What did I do this time?”

“You left me to deal with my sorrow.”

“Oh, please.” I say, letting a laugh out.

“Lily was so brilliant in class today. She does charms so easily. It’s amazing.”

“Yes, yes, we know. Lily’s the brightest witch in our year, Dorcas’ laugh in contagious, they’re both so blah blah blah” I say with humour as to not be mistaken as being bitter about her love for our roommates.

“Alright, I talk about them a lot. So what? Also, as much as I love her, she’s second best. Everyone knows it’s you who takes top spot.”

I smile at the compliment and continue about the room to calm my nerves. I hear a creek by the door and see Lily and Dorcas. My smiles drops. Not to a frown but a neutral expression.

“You’re in love with us?” Dorcus asks while not taking her eyes off of Marlene; My attention going to her as well. By the look in her eyes, I can tell that her heart dropped.

I grab my school supplies and make a swift exit out of the door.

I make it to the top of the stairs but don’t go down. I hear the dulcet tones of Remus talking to who I assume are the others.

“We have to tell her. We can’t continue to sit around ignoring how we feel.”

How they feel?

“How do you suppose we say it then Moony? Say, “Hey, we know we’ve been best friends for years, but for the majority of those years we’ve been in love with you and want to know if you’ll have us?” Sirius says with irritation and anxiousness laced in his tone.

“You know,” pause, “That actually wasn’t bad.”

“Yes.” A voice that’s between a whisper and a normal tone. I didn’t know it was my voice until all three of them looked at me. I had walked halfway down the stairs without realizing it.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like that.” Says Remus, meeting me at the bottom of the stairs.

We walk over to the couch. I sit on the chair to the left of them to see all of their faces. I look over to James who has not talked since I got down here. I find that he is already looking back at me.

“Is it true Jamie?” I ask.

I see him blush at the nickname. He nods his head yes. I move my eyes to the others. Them both looking at me with anticipation.

“Seems you lot have beaten me to the punch.” I confess, leaning back against the chair.

Their eyes brighten at the confession.

“I know we’ve been best friends for years, but for the majority of those years I’ve been in love with you and want to know if you guys will have me?” I repeat the speech from earlier.

It seems we all had the same idea because we all stand and embrace.

#marauders x fem!reader #marauders x you #marauders x y/n #marauders fic #marauders fluff #harry potter fluff #gryffindor reader

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cuttoothed · 4 years ago

Text

Fic for day 3 of @jonmartinweek for the prompt "Healing & Recovery". We've all been saying jmart need a lot of therapy after the finale, so...yeah.

Disclaimer: I have never been to couple's therapy. I have done some reading on it, but this is not intended in any way to accurately reflect real world therapy practices. Please just assume that anything "off" is due to the way couple's therapy is practiced in AU-land (though of course feel free to let me know if you spot anything egregious).

“Why don’t you start,” Judith suggests, “By telling me about the incident?”

The two men on the sofa give her identical startled looks, as if she’s uncovered something incriminating. Martin seems to regain his composure first; he clears his throat, and his hand moves to cover Jon’s, unconsciously protective.

“Sorry, wh-what do you mean by “incident”?”

“For most couples who come to see me, there’s an...inciting incident,” Judith explains. “Something that makes them realize they could use some professional support to work through things. Of course any couple can benefit from seeing a therapist together on occasion, to deal with small issues before they become big ones. But, well, it’s the same way that everyone knows they should go for regular check ups with their GP rather than waiting until they actually get sick—it’s just not something most people get around to until they need it.”

She pauses to give them time to consider that, and after a moment Jon nods, looking mildly embarrassed.

“Right,” he says. “That’s, ah, I think that’s fair.”

“There are pretty strong extenuating circumstances, though,” Martin huffs defensively. “We didn’t exactly have the option for therapy in the a—wh-where we lived before.”

“It’s not intended as a criticism,” Judith tells him. “You’ve chosen to talk to a therapist, and that’s a big step—one that many people never take. You’re ahead of the curve, Martin.”

Martin looks mollified at that; he’s clearly a bit touchy about perceived criticisms of their relationship, and Judith doesn’t want to get him on the defensive. She gives them both an encouraging smile.

“So,” she says. “Is there an incident you’d like to talk about?”

The two of them look at each other expectantly, as if each is waiting for the other to start. After several long moments of silence, Jon raises his eyebrows meaningfully, and Martin sighs.

“Fine,” he says. “So, we, uh, we recently realized that our...garden was a-a bit of a mess. So we—Jon and I—we get together with our...housemates, to figure out what kind of flowers we should plant. Fuschias or—or hydrangeas. ”

He pauses to glance nervously at Jon, who gives him a reassuring nod, squeezing his hand.

Right, Judith thinks, This is probably not about flowers.

“We agree we all want fuschias,” Martin continues, “Except Jon—he wanted hydrangeas. But we took a vote, and it was fuschias.”

“Except of course most of our—our housemates weren’t there for that meeting,” Jon interjects, folding his arms across his chest.

“Yes, but we agreed we couldn’t wait to ask every single person,” Martin says sharply, back on the defensive. Jon’s brow furrows and his mouth opens as if to say something, but he changes his mind and shuts it again. Conflict aversion is one of the most common dysfunctions Judith sees in the couples she treats; very few people want to disagree with the person they love, and even fewer know how to have a constructive conflict. She makes a mental note of it for later.

“Go ahead, Martin,’ she suggests gently. Martin looks unhappy, but continues.

“So we agree to plant the fuschias the next day, but Jon—Jon sneaks out in the middle of the night and starts, uh, planting hydrangeas. Without telling anyone.”

Without telling me, Judith hears in his hurt tone. Jon’s arms are still folded, and he’s almost squirming in his seat with the effort to not interject; Judith decides it’s a good time to invite him into the story.

“Jon, why did you feel so strongly about the hydrangeas?”

“It’s—it wasn’t that I wanted hydrangeas, I just couldn’t a-accept the idea of—of fuchsias.”

“Couldn’t allow it, you mean,” Martin grumbles. Judith lets it pass and continues to focus on Jon.

“Why is that?”

“They, uh, they spread…” Jon waves his hands vaguely. “Their—their...roots? They would get into the, uh, the neighbors’ gardens, completely take over, destroy everything.”

“Potentially,” Martin insists. “There was no guarantee—”

“There was no reason they wouldn’t,” Jon snaps.

By now Judith is not only sure that this has nothing to do with gardening, but suspects that neither of these men has ever seen a fuchsia in their lives. It’s fine, though. This is far from the first time a client has invented a story out of whole cloth so they can work through something uncomfortable without actually describing it. And this is their first session; Judith hopes in the future they’ll trust her enough to give her the real story.

“Remember,” she tells them. “We’re not here to decide that someone was objectively right or wrong, we’re here to help you understand each other and improve your communication skills.”

“Right,” Martin mutters, unconvinced. Jon’s expression is distressed, but he continues.

“There was no other choice,” he says wearily. “The only other option was—was azaleas, and I know you didn’t want that, Martin.”

“Absolutely not.” Martin sounds horrified. “But hydrangeas, Jon? Do you really think that was a better option?”

“You have to see the difference.” Jon’s tone goes stiff and incredulous, as if he’s winding up for a lecture, and Judith decides to cut that off before it starts.

“So what I’m hearing,” she says, “Is that you both had very strong, conflicting opinions on this topic. And that’s okay—it’s okay for you to disagree, even on something important. You’re not always going to agree on what the right thing to do is. Often there is no single “right thing,” so it comes down to how the different choices make us feel.”

“That doesn’t seem like a good way to make a decision that affects the wh—a lot of people.” Jon clearly considers that his opinion on not-flowers was the objectively correct one. Judith smiles.

“People aren’t computers, Jon. Even the most logical minded person in the world is influenced by their feelings—about important issues, about other people. You’d be surprised at how much of our decision making is rooted in emotion; either how we anticipate the outcome of our decision will make us feel, or how we are feeling in the immediate moment of the choice.”

A spasm of something that might be grief or pain flashes across Jon’s face, and he leans unconsciously in Martin’s direction. Martin’s arm instantly goes around him, offering comfort without thought. It’s clear that these two love each other deeply, unquestioningly—and that’s also part of the problem. When someone you love thinks that you’re wrong about something that’s important to you, it can feel like a rejection of your entire self.

“I’d like to pause this discussion for now, and try a little exercise,” she says. Jon nods, sitting back up and disengaging from Martin’s embrace; Martin looks attentively at her, though his expression is unsure.

“One of the biggest challenges we face with people we love is recognizing that they are separate from us. I know—” she says, raising her hands to stop the objections she can already see forming on their lips. “Of course you know that you’re separate people. We all know that, rationally. But emotionally, it’s natural to see the people you’re close to as extensions of yourself—it’s an evolutionary impulse to aid group bonding. It happens with friends and family, and it’s an even stronger impulse between partners.

“We have to do a lot of work to truly internalize the idea that the people we love have their own inner emotional lives that drive their opinions and decisions. But once you are able to fully grasp that truth, it makes disagreeing with the person you love feel less emotionally fraught; it’s a powerful tool for navigating conflict constructively.”

Jon is frowning, but it’s in consideration rather than disapproval. Martin still looks skeptical, his body language defensive, though he doesn’t say anything. That’s probably the best she’s going to get for now, Judith thinks.

“So,” she says. “The exercise is this: I’d like each of you to take a few moments to think, and then tell the other person something about yourself. Not a fact, but something that you feel. And I would like you to listen without interrupting when your partner tells you their feeling. Can you each do that?”

“I, ah—” Jon’s frown deepens. “That’s...rather difficult to do on demand.”

“I know,” says Judith with sympathy. “That’s why I’m here, to support you both in doing the difficult things. If it was easy, you wouldn’t need a therapist to facilitate.”

“Right,” says Jon. “Okay.”

“Martin?”

“Fine,” he says, but his tone is reluctant. Judith gets it; vulnerability is hard enough in front of someone you love, never mind with a stranger in the room. It’s easier to pretend that it’s pointless, that you’re not really putting yourself out there to be hurt. She has the feeling that Martin is someone who would rather avoid being hurt, even if it means closing himself off.

“All right,” she says. “When you’re ready, Jon, would you mind going first? No rush, take all the time you need.” Hopefully, seeing Jon take the first step might help Martin get over some of his defensiveness.

“Oh,” he says, and for a few moments his expression devolves into one of intense concentration. Then he nods, turning towards Martin.

“Start with “I feel”,” Judith suggests.

“All right,” he says, breathless with nerves. “I, uh, I feel...responsible. For—well, for everything, basically. And for everyone. Bad things have happened to people, and it’s my fault, because I should have done something. Everything that happened, back there, it was all because of me.”

“It wasn’t you, Jon!” Martin protests. “Annabelle told us—”

Judith is about to remind him that he’s supposed to just be listening, but he cuts himself off first. Jon laughs, an ugly sound that’s more like a sob.

“And how is that supposed to help? Knowing that the—that they were using me my whole life, how does that absolve me of any responsibility for what I did? For the fact that I failed to do anything to stop them? I couldn’t even go through with the one thing that could have actually meant something, because—”

He clamps his mouth shut, his jaw locked tight; Martin looks down at his hands, his expression distraught.

“Because of me.”

“Martin—” Jon’s tone is wounded, and he reaches for Martin’s hand. Judith sees reflections of a shared pain in both their faces, though she doesn’t understand why; this would be a lot easier if they’d just tell her the truth.

But you didn’t get into this profession because it was easy, did you?

“Thank you for sharing that, Jon. I think there’s a lot more for us to explore there, but let’s give you a break and give Martin a chance to share, okay?”

Jon nods, clutching Martin’s hand in his. Martin gives a long, slow exhale.

“Righto,” he says with false, brittle cheer. “”I feel,” wasn’t it? Right. Jon, when you do something stupidly self-sacrificing for other people, I feel like everyone else is more important than me.”

Jon flinches.

“Martin,” Judith says, keeping her tone level. “Let’s keep the focus on what you feel, not on what causes you to feel that way, okay?”

“Right,” Martin mutters, and glances at Jon. “Okay. In that case, I feel...like I’m not important. Like the only thing I can really do is—is take care of you. And if I can’t even do that, then what bloody use am I? That’s it, I suppose.”

“Martin…” Jon says again, softly. His eyes are wet, and he’s clinging to Martin’s hand like a drowning man to a plank. Martin swallows hard and shakes his head, but he makes no move to extract his hand from Jon’s grip.

“Thank you, Martin,” Judith tells him. “I know that wasn’t easy to share, for either of you. But this is the kind of honesty that we need, in order to build strong communication. Let’s all take five minutes—if either of you want to take a bathroom break, or get some water—and then we can talk about where to go from here. All right?”

Martin disappears to the loo, while Jon wanders around the office, looking with polite interest at the shelves of books and ornaments. Judith writes a few notes for herself, to follow up in future sessions. She hopes there’ll be future sessions. Both of these men seem deeply hurt, traumatized by events that they’re just barely alluding to, and have clearly been struggling through as best they can with less than ideal coping mechanisms, trying—and likely failing—not to hurt each other in the process. They both need individual counselling as much as couples’ therapy—maybe more. She’s certainly going to recommend it..

They clearly love each other, though. And they want to make it work. If they’re willing to put the effort in, they have better than even odds in their favor.

Martin’s eyes are red-rimmed when he returns; he sits on the sofa as near as he can to Jon, who presses their shoulders together. Judith can’t help smiling at the sight.

“How long have the two of you been together?” she asks. She always asks new clients at the end of the first session, rather than at the beginning; that way she can get a feel for the relationship without preconceptions based on longevity. The two of them look at each other properly, for the first time since Martin came back in, and matching, sheepish smiles break out on both their faces after a moment.

“So it was three weeks in Scotland,” Martin begins, ticking it off on his fingers. “And then—how long?”

“Uhh, it’s...let’s say half a year, give or take?” Jon makes a face that says he’s really not all that sure.

“Right, and then we’ve been here nearly six months. So...about a year, all in all?”

“But we knew each other for over three years before that,” Jon insists earnestly.

“It sounds as if the two of you have been through a lot,” says Judith. “And not all of it gardening related?”

“No,” Jon says with a self-deprecating chuckle. “Mostly not.”

“We barely scratched the surface today—and that’s normal. Relationships are complicated, and it takes a lot of time and hard work to build understanding and communication. But I promise you, it is worth all the effort. You both made a really strong start today—it takes courage to be that honest, even with your partner.”

The two of them give each other a long look, and the smile they trade is tentative, but genuine. They haven’t solved anything today, have only just begun to reveal their hurt and their insecurities; they have a long journey ahead to get to a truly honest, healthy place both for themselves and their relationship. Judith has a feeling they’ll persevere, though—that losing each other simply isn’t an option.

“So,” she says, “Should we make this a recurring appointment?”

Jon glances questioningly at Martin, who bites his lip and then nods firmly, taking Jon’s hand in his.

“Yeah,” Martin says. “We’ve done much harder things. We can do this.”

“Together?” says Jon, and Martin smiles.

“No matter what.”

#the magnus archives #tma #jonmartinweek2021 #my fic #jonmartin

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eulangelo · 3 years ago

Text

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ]

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post.

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with.

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

#genderfluidlucifer #transmisogyny tw #terfs tw #ask to tag #txt #long post #ok to rb

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concerningwolves · 4 years ago

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the world really has become so much more hostile towards neurodivergent and deaf people - really anyone with communication difficulties and disabilities, particularly invisible ones - throughout this pandemic. even social justice advocates and/or leftists have become really hostile in these last six months and it’s just... it’s exhausting. i can’t talk about how painful mask-wearing is without someone “progressive” telling me that i have to wear one. i know i do! and guess what? “this is extremely difficult for me” and “this is extremely important to do” are statements that can, y’know, co-exist. they are both true.

and it’s not like i don’t understand why this is happening. As I understand it, the series of events has gone something like this:

masks/PPE became mandatory in public (with laws and regulations varying around the world, of course) to inhibit the spread of the virus

certain groups – largely older, upper-class white people, celebrities, and the more affluent – refused to wear masks. In America, this had a very political undercurrent that spread via the internet; these people acted like being forced to wear masks was a violation of their rights, or like it was some sort of... political statement? not to wear one?

Aforementioned groups start saying things like they can’t wear masks because it’s uncomfortable, feels weird, makes breathing hard etc. Others claim that there’s no point in wearing masks, since the virus “only” kills the elderly and chronically ill (yikes). Misinformation and false news spreads about how masks lower your blood oxygen, stop your breathing, and other such bullshit.

Everyone with a shred of moral decency has to work twice as hard to be socially responsible. You wind up with this schism, where on one side you have people refusing to wear masks and making false claims about them to further their own agendas, and then there’s people making genuine good faith efforts to be socially responsible.

It becomes common to see savage take-downs on Twitter where some old white guy says “Wearing masks makes it impossible to breathe” and someone else replies saying “Tell that to the doctor who wore one for four hours to deliver my baby”. These get screenshotted and shared around the internet to widespread approval.

People who genuinely struggle to wear masks get shunted out of the conversation. It doesn’t matter that we try to do our part, everyone is suddenly so keen to be Woke and Responsible™ that just saying “Wearing masks isn’t easy for everyone” gets you attacked. Nobody seems to want to listen.

Earlier in 2020 I tried to talk about this and got slammed with the expected “uh yeah everyone can wear masks sweetie. if you don’t want to wear one just don’t go out”. But you know what else I got? A flood of asks and replies from people thanking me for talking about it, because either they or members of their family had the same/similar struggles, and felt like they couldn’t talk about it. That still resonates with me. And when I say “resonates” I mean “I start tearing up because there is nothing worse than being told by a supposed ally that your pain is inconvenient or doesn’t matter”.

So just.... be a bit more empathetic, please? Yes, be aware of misinformation. Yes, continue to challenge those who refuse to wear masks for selfish reasons. Yes, do everything you can to look after others during this terrible time. But for the love all the gods and good things, remember that this isn’t a black and white issue. Have an actual conversation! Explore options! Listen to other people! I promise you it’s a LOT more productive to say “Okay, here’s what we can do to help you” or “Here are some ideas to make PPE/Masks more comfortable” than it is to lash out.

#i'm writing an article about this right now but uh. gotta say this now #i am honestly on the verge of exploding #ableism #autism #sensory issues

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elysiadjarin · 3 years ago

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Sword and Shield

Part 1: https://elysiadjarin.tumblr.com/post/652827986465275904/sword-and-shield

Tags: Bad Batch x reader (you), fem!coded, poly!relationship, multi-part series, nonhuman!reader, Echo later on.

Warnings: Only some mentions of war, otherwise have at it!

2: Familiarity

You took in a deep breath, then slipped off your bag and set it down on the ground. Turning, you looked pleadingly to Rex, who decided to help you out behind his hidden smirk.

He held out his hand to you. “Permission to Transfer?” he asked the initial question to begin the Transference.

You took his hand readily. “Transfer Granted,” you said quietly, feeling that familiar tightness in your gut as the process began.

“Blaster,” Rex’s voice became a sharp command.

Almost without thinking, used to the process, you allowed the sensation of your cells shifting to complete their movement. With an odd sort of sucking sensation, you closed your eyes and Transferred.

Startled noises made you open your eyes to note your point of view from right above the blaster now held in Rex’s hand. The Transference had been completed successfully. Rex spun the blaster, using the Bond you’d forged between you and him to request a switch of weapons. You morphed the weapon in his hands into an IWS, hefting it in his hands. Another request as he swung his arm behind him, feet shifting in practiced movements to reveal that you’d Shifted into a giant scythe. One more request, and Rex straightened to hold out a Vibro-shiv in his hand.

“Hence why she’s called Shiv,” Rex remarked somewhat dryly, flipping the shiv in his hands.

You let a silhouette of your head, shoulders, arms, and torso materialize over Rex’s shoulder. It was a method of easy communication with others and a way to reveal your presence a little more visibly than just through a mental Bond with a Handler.

Rex nodded at you. “Bond Dissolution,” he said, allowing you to begin the Dissolution of the Transference. He tossed the Shiv, allowing your body to replace the weapon before it even hit the floor.

You shook your head a little to reorient yourself. Reaching down, you picked your bag back up. “I’ve been working with Commander Rex and the 501st for a while, but it’s a bit difficult to work with a large force and manage being passed from one person to another. Being a living weapon requires not only an intimidate knowledge of the weapons themselves but also a close working relationship with a tight-knit group in order to cater to their own individual strengths and preferences,” you explained, reaching up to rub your eye briefly. Your vision always felt a bit... off, after a Transference.

“She’s been stretched thin trying to understand and learn the fighting patterns and preferences of the entire 501st, and limiting her usage to just a few isn’t exactly the best scenario for an entire squadron’s unity,” Rex said, picking up your thread. “I thought putting her in an already-established, smaller, special-forces group would perhaps be best for increasing her effectiveness and bringing her to her best. It’s a commitment, but I’d appreciate it if you gave it a try.”

“Whoa, that’s super cool!” The large one bellowed, giving you an exhilarated grin.

A little startled, you gave him a shy smile. “Th-thanks.”

The others seemed to glance at each other almost in a non-verbal conversation, but seemed to come to a pretty swift agreement. The tattooed one turned to Rex.

“Since you’re recommending it, Commander, I suppose we’ll give it a go. Our next mission has been assigned tomorrow morning, so if she decides to join, she’ll have to probably move into the ship tonight.” He glanced at you.

Rex nodded. “Thank you for giving it a try. What do you think, Shiv?” He turned to you.

You nodded. “Of course, Commander,” you murmured, stomach flipping a little. After so long, it was actually happening. You were going to be transferred to a special ops group.

Rex nodded, seemingly satisfied. “Go and pack your things, Shiv. I’ll get the transfer settled and let the General know.”

You nodded, then turned to the group. “Um, should I just come back here? It shouldn’t take me long to pack,” you asked timidly.

The leader nodded at you. “We’ll be right here. I’m Sergeant Hunter, if you need to ask for me.”

“Oh, right! Name’s Wrecker!” The burly guy said with a wave.

You had to smile, waving back.

“I’m Tech,” the one with glasses introduced, adjusting his goggles.

“Crosshair,” the white-haired one grunted, seemingly disinterested in the whole affair. Though, he did glance at you.

“Thank you. I’ll be back,” you promised, looking to Rex.

He dismissed you with a nod, and you headed back to your bunk.

Sinking down onto the bunk, you stared down at your trembling fingers. You hadn’t even realized how nervous you’d really been until it was all said and done. Shaking your head, you dropped your head into your hands and tried to work through the muck of feelings that stuck in your chest.

You were... scared. Excited. Apprehensive. Curious. Nervous. Glad. Sad.

“Yo Shiv- hey, what’s wrong?”

You started, looking up to see Fives and Kix approaching your bunk. You gave them a bit of a sad smile, looking down at your hands now clasped in your lap.

“It’s... it’s finally happened,” you whispered, trying to wrap your own mind around it.

“Happened? Wha-“ Kix paused, eyes widening. “Wait, are you getting transferred?”

You nodded shakily. “Y-yeah.”

Fives slung his arm around your shoulders. “Well. Congrats, Shivvie!” he tried to cheer, but it came out a bit sadly.

You smiled up at both of them. “I’m gonna miss you guys, you know,” you said with a light laugh.

Kix sighed. “We’re gonna miss you too, Shiv. But I’m guessing that since this opportunity is one that you’re taking, so it must be good, right?”

You nodded slowly. “Yeah... yeah, it’s... it’s a good one,” you admitted. “I’m- I’m joining Clone Force 99.”

“Whoa,” Fives blurted. “You’re joining the Bad Batch? That’s great for you, Shiv! I heard they’re weird but pretty good at what they do,” he said, clearly impressed. “I mean, Commander Rex helped create that force.”

You nodded. “Yeah. I...” Still, you had to let your shoulders slump a little. “I... I hope it goes well.”

“You’re gonna knock em dead, Shiv,” Kix encouraged, patting your shoulder. “We’re gonna miss you, but you have our commlinks. Come and get drinks with us at the 79s whenever you stop by for a break or something.”

You nodded, smiling up at both of them. You’d miss their company, no matter what happened. Kix and Fives had really been your pillars of support throughout your time with the 501st, and you’d really supported each other through... well, the Battle of Lola Sayu.

With a sigh, you looked around. “I have to pack. I have to get to the ship by tonight.”

“We’ll help you out,” Fives offered immediately, standing.

You shook your head at him. “Thanks, but... you mind just telling the others I’d like to say bye? If they’re around? I kinda... I need some headspace,” you admitted.

Kix nodded, grabbing Fives’ arm to keep him from protesting. “Got it, Shiv. We’ll send ‘em over. Good luck!”

You waved, biting back tears as you tried to smile.

New beginnings, after all, usually meant leaving something behind.

Taking a breath, you headed into Hangar Bay Six again. You’d said goodbye to the rest of the 501st, promising to keep in touch when possible and wishing them the best of luck. They’d been sad to see you go, but they’d all been encouraging and hopeful.

After all, you reflected, they were the ones who knew the difficulties you all faced working together. They’d seen how thin you’d been spread trying to accommodate and learn to work intimately with all of them.

Walking up to the Havoc Marauder, you headed up the ramp with your bags. “Hello?” you called uncertainly at the mouth of the ship, not wanting to just barge in.

Hunter rounded the corner, nodding to you. “Welcome aboard. Your quarters are just down here,” he said, heading down the corridor.

You followed him, glancing around at the ship in order to get familiar with the layout. It was a pretty standard ship by all accounts, so you figured you wouldn’t find it too hard to learn where things were. You followed as he ducked into a room, the door sliding open.

The room itself wasn’t too bad, a bit small but that was to be expected. In all honesty, you wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d asked you to share quarters, so it slightly surprised you that they gave you your own personal quarter. A small fresher was tucked into the corner, though it only had a sink and a toilet.

“The showers are down the hall, they’re shared.” Hunter jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

You just smiled, setting your bags down on the bunk. “Thank you. I honestly kinda expected having to share quarters. This is really nice,” you said honestly.

He blinked at you. “You shared bunks with the 501st?”

You tilted your head. “Yeah?”

He shook his head, but didn’t say anything else. “Feel free to get comfortable. You can look around the ship and get used to it whenever you want. The galley is on the other side of the ship, and everyone’s quarters are on this side.”

You nodded, belatedly realizing that he didn’t even stop to see your reaction before ducking back through the door and walking off. With a glance around, you decided to unpack. This would be your home for a while, after all. Might as well make the best of it.

After looking around the ship and getting familiar with it, you found yourself wandering into what seemed to be a common, shared space. You’d taken your mug to the galley and made some caf, stowing away some of your own tea paraphernalia in an empty shelf out of the way.

Tech sat in the room, going through datapads in his own corner. He looked up, observing you through his goggles with a blink.

You gave him a hesitant smile. “Um, do you mind if I sit?”

He blinked, then nodded. “Oh, sure. Anyone can come in here, it’s a common room,” he said, motioning to the seats that were scattered around. “Oh, uh... Hunter said to give you the rundown, by the way.”

You crossed the room, sitting in a chair close to him. “Rundown?” you asked, setting your mug down.

He handed you a datapad. “This is the data I’ve gathered and compiled about Force 99. I thought it might be useful to you since you said you need to work closely with a group, and I’ve been meaning to create a profile for a while now anyway so it was a good excuse,” he seemed to be babbling a bit, reaching up to adjust his goggles and avoiding direct eye contact with you.

You glanced down at the display screen to see Hunter’s name at the top, a chunk of material following it.

Tech was still rambling on, fiddling with another datapad. “I mean, I know we’re also supposed to get to know you, but I guessed that letting you know about all of our desired mutations and details about our weapons preferences might be a good way to start, you know? Since you also said you’re a weapons expert, I mean. I added some footage of our missions as well for reference and all, since I tend to record most of them.”

You smiled, deciding to cut in and stop his nervous rambling. “Thank you so much, Tech. Oh, is it okay if I call you that?”

He blinked, looking at you briefly. “Oh, sure. I mean, it’s my name. Uh, what should I-?”

You laughed a little, tucking your feet up onto the chair. “You can either call me (Name) or Shiv, I like and answer to both.” You pulled out your own datapad. “Do you mind if I transfer this data to my own pad? That way I can make notes without stealing yours.”

He nodded. “Oh, sure, of course. The information was compiled for you, anyway.”

“Thank you, Tech,” you said again, touched that he’d gone that far. “I appreciate it, a lot. It’ll really help me try to integrate myself in the best way.” You gave him a smile.

He hesitantly nodded, taking back the datapad from you after you’d finished transferring the files.

You quickly lost yourself in the wealth of information, making notes and highlighting some key characteristics that you noted in the files. Tech had really done an immaculate job, considering that you’d been an unexpected arrival and addition to the group. As you continued learning more about the group, you began to understand why they were nicknamed the “Bad Batch” by the others. It barely irked you, though you knew that the premise of the whole name was rather... derogatory.

You’d already been treated much like a clone for most of your life, anyway. You’d been born a weapon, a tool, nothing but cannon fodder ever since this war had even started. Here you were, at twenty-something years old, and all you remembered was a life of surviving, living, fighting, and forcing yourself to be a tool.

The clones had welcomed you in, had given you a sense of camaraderie, understanding, and family. You’d found a sense of purpose despite your status as an outcast. And the more you read about the Bad Batch, the more you found yourself understanding why Rex might have specifically considered this particular group to assign you to.

You completely lost track of time, going over the information and committing it to memory, taking time to make meticulous notes about their weaponry. You only stopped once you’d gone through the written information, turning to Tech.

“Excuse me, Tech.”

Starting, he looked up at you owlishly as though he’d forgotten you even existed in the same room. “Oh- y-yes?”

“Is there a holodeck I can link to? So I can get a closer analysis of the footage?” you asked, motioning to the datapad.

“Oh, right!” He shuffled over to the other side of the room, grabbed a holoscreen, and handed it over. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” You gave him a fleeting smile, then hooked up the datapad to the holoscreen display. Putting the footage on complete mute, you began to scrutinize it frame by frame, expanding some scenes and rotating the screens to get a different vantage point. You did notice that sometimes it was harder to catch Crosshair’s movements since he was, after all, a sniper, but you did manage to isolate quite a few moments of his meticulous shots and get a bead on his location and vantage points.

You were so immersed in examining the footage, highlighting reels, and going through your well-versed motions that the feeling of someone tapping your shoulder well and truly took you off-guard. You instantly froze, eyes narrowing as your awareness instantly honed in on your surroundings. It only took half a second to recall where exactly you were, and you shook yourself with a sharp inhale.

You turned to the person who had tapped you. “Sorry-“

Hunter observed you with a piercing look. “Why did you freeze?” He demanded.

You blinked, mouth opening, scrambling for an answer. “Um- I lost track of my surroundings and had to regroup myself, Sergeant,” you found yourself answering almost mechanically, the tone of his voice forcing an answer from your conditioned mind.

“Why would you freeze? Why wouldn’t you immediately react in order to assess a threat?” Hunter asked ruthlessly, crossing his arms.

The question felt oddly familiar. It didn’t take much for you to find an answer. “As a weapon, sir, my first reactions are necessarily different from most other people,” you said quietly, heart pounding in your chest. It didn’t help that you now knew that his enhanced senses most likely heard it. “If I were to immediately react, I would end up thoughtlessly killing the person or object that had surprised me.” You swallowed, looking down at your feet. “I learned my mistakes the hard way, by completely destroying everything and everyone within five meters of me.”

A silence fell in the room, while you ruthlessly tried to push away the memories that loomed at the edge of your mind.

Hunter finally spoke. “Understood.” He cleared his throat. “I... apologize.”

You looked up, eyes widening. “N-no need to apologize, Sergeant. You should know, especially since I-I’m supposed to be working with you.”

He nodded, then glanced behind you at the frozen footage. “I see that Tech has given you the files he compiled.”

You started, then turned around and scooped up the datapad. “Yes sir, I’ve been going over the information and trying to compile all the necessary information I can before the- the mission tomorrow,” you explained hurriedly.

He nodded. “I appreciate the dedication. You’ve been here for four chrons. You might want to get some food.”

You stared down at the clock on the datapad, realizing that it really had been hours since you started. Reaching up, you dragged a hand through your hair a little ruefully.

“Thank you.” You gave Hunter a sheepish smile. “I probably should. I tend to... get lost in my work.”

He nodded, then wordlessly stepped back out of the room.

Tech glanced at you, still working on his own stuff.

You sighed and set down the datapad, turning to Tech. “I should go get myself something to eat. Can I bring you something, Tech?” you offered.

He looked up at you. “Oh- that’s- I mean, you don’t have to, I-“

You just quirked him a smile. “You’ve been here the whole time, too. I’ll go get us both something to eat.” Giving him a wave, you headed out to go find the galley and something to eat.

You poked around the available ingredients in the galley before deciding on a quick but filling dish, whipping up enough for everyone. Hesitating after you finished cleaning up, you decided to at least try. Leaving two portions on the counter, you grabbed scrap paper and scribbled Crosshair’s and Wrecker’s names on them. Leaving them for the other two to find, you grabbed the other three portions and headed back to the common room.

Setting down the bowls, you handed one to Tech. “Nothing fancy, but it should go down easy,” you laughed a little.

He took it, surprise flickering over his face. “Th-thanks.”

You nodded, then grabbed another portion. “I’ll be right back.” Leaving your own bowl on the table, you went to go find Hunter. You found him in the cockpit after ten minutes of searching, making him look up as you approached the doorway.

You gave him a hesitant smile, holding out the bowl. “Um, maybe you’ve already eaten but... I made some for everyone, if you’re... hungry,” you said, trailing off and starting to second-guess yourself. What if he didn’t like that kind of food, or thought you had some sort of ulterior motive? What if-

But after staring at your for half a minute, he got up and approached, almost gingerly taking the bowl from you. “Thanks,” he said.

You nodded and skittered away, barely waiting to see his response or hear anything else. Mortified, you paused in the hallway and clapped your hands to your cheeks, shaking yourself. It was fine. You didn’t have to be thatnervous, honestly. It wasn’t like you’d done something ridiculous, just offered him some food is all. It was normal. Completely normal. Right?

You decided to return to your spot and drown your embarrassment in your research again. After all, you did have good motivation. Tomorrow morning would be your first mission.

#The bad batch #tbb #star wars #Clone wars #the clone wars #sw #my writing #x reader #crosshair #echo #tech #wrecker #hunter #the bad batch x reader #Writing #my fic #fanfic

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skellebonez · 3 years ago

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How #67 with Mei and her parents? don't see much content with them. - Pixel Anon

Considering we haven't seen Mei's parents since episode 3 and we have no idea what their relationship is actually like now, I decided to do some canon-divergence and have them take initiative to be more involved in Mei's life. And since it’s fathers day... eh, why not do a little something with her dad in particular since I never really write her parents? (I got another anon for a fill involving Mei and her dad, but unfortunately Tumblr seems to have ghosted it into the ether, and i fused it into this one.)

My father may look like the scary one, but it’s my mother you need to be afraid of.

"Uh... hi mom?" Mei said in surprise, looking around when she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat from behind her and finding that it was indeed the two of them alone in the garage. "Where's dad?"

"He's a little tied up in business, but he’s home," Mrs. Long said with a sigh, moving to stand behind her daughter and look down at her project with a look of confusion and mild dismay. "What... are you working on, dear?"

Mei looked down at her current state, coated in engine oil and grease with scattered parts of one of the many many cars laying around her. Like a gutted fish but much shiner and louder.

“Oh, uh...” Mei started with an awkward chuckle. “After, you know, the whole break in and everything I’ve been fixing up some of the cars that were still mostly in one piece and, uh...” she gestured to the one in front of her, jazz hands waving slightly enthusiastically. “Ta da?”

“... Oh!” Mrs. Long said when she registered what Mei meant, a small smile finally forming on her face. “You didn’t need to do that on your own, Mei, but...” She moved forward, inspecting the car with a careful gaze. “This is quite impressive! You’d never know it was damaged at all. I thought...” She frowned again, looking back to her daughter. “Well, I thought you were only interested in motorcycles so I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Oh no!” Mei laughed, wiping her hands on her work overalls. “Motorcycles are my specialty, but I know enough about most vehicles to give them some good care!” There was an odd expression on her mother’s face that fell over her at these words, something far off and somewhat sad. “Mom? You ok?”

“Yes,” her mom replied, just a bit too fast before she smiled again. “Actually, I think your father was almost finished when I came in to check in on you. He wanted to talk to you himself, why don’t you see if he’s done? He should be in the tea room.”

“... sure...” Mei said slowly, bending down to start picking up parts before her mom placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, dear, just leave those there in case you want to come back later. Just... change into clean clothes and wash your hands for now.”

Now... that was odd. Mei’s parents had always been clear on keeping the house as tidy as possible once you needed to leave a room (barring her own bedroom). But ever since that one Bull Clone (General Ironclad she thought she heard Red Son call him once) broke into her house for the Dragon Blade her parents had been acting different. Not extremely different, but noticeably so.

But instead of bringing this up Mei nodded to her mother and headed to wash up.

“Dad?” Mei called out, cleaned up from her car repairs and in clean clothes once again. “Mom said you wanted to talk to me?”

He was right where her mother had said he would be, in the tea room. Strewn about in front of him were papers upon papers, some seeming to be insurance forms for the multitude of broken objects strewn about the house and others repair bills. She was certain some of them, all on one side of the table, were research papers of some kind. And sitting at a seat in the middle of the long table was her father, small space cleared before him as he drank a fresh hot cup of tea. There was another, equally fresh cup across from him.

“Ah, Mei!” Her father said brightly, but there was an odd tenseness to his tone. “Yes, come in, sit down! There are a few things that we need your input on.”

Well that was vague as hell. But Mei did as requested, taking the seat across from him and picking up the tea before her. “I wouldn’t think this is something you’d be doing here in the... tea room.”

“Yes, well,” her father shrugged, glowering down at the paperwork with a sigh. “Sometimes you put aside convention to be comfortable. And with my office out of commission this is a much more relaxing place to work on papers than the dining room. If I don’t replace those chairs as soon as possible remind me how uncomfortable they are!” He shuddered dramatically, the action making Mei relax just a tad bit. The chairs had always been uncomfortable, she and her mother had told him as much before, but the three of them had never sat in them long enough for them to become bothersome. “But that’s something to worry about later! First, the main reason I wanted to talk to you...”

He put down his cup, reaching over to grab some paperwork on the right side of the table and slide it to her.

“As you know most of our cars in our collection were not salvageable after the break in.” Mei tensed a bit at that, frowning down at the paperwork in front of her. And her eyes widened. “And, well, we never really had reason to drive them anyway. Refilling the garage with new cars just seems silly at this point, so your mother and I were talking about possibly restructuring it and making the empty 3/4 of the garage into a sort of...” He paused for a moment, humming before snapping his fingers. “A workshop, I suppose is the correct term! For someone who liked to collect a lot of cars at one point I don’t know much about them, that was always more your mother’s interest even if she always insisted we only needed two. But you’re always working on your motorcycle and I thought giving you that space would be a much more reasonable use for it!”

Mei set her teacup down, picking up the papers as he talked and looking over them with wide eyes.

They were blueprints. For a garage workshop. For her motorcycle. For her.

“I-I!” She sputtered, gesturing to the papers with a shake of her head. “You... but this is-! I don’t-!”

“Mei,” her father said firmly, but gently, holding up one of his hands. “I know that we paid for you to live on your own in your own pent house and that you have a workshop outside as well, but this house is still your home as well! You have a room here, after all. But you don’t have to agree to having a workshop here if you don’t want one, they’re just blueprints at this point, and we can always find other uses for the empty space in the future.”

“... ok, what happened?” Mei asked, deadpan and looking at her father with suspicion. “I mean, I love the idea! I’d love to have a place for my vehicle work here! But ever since the break in you and mom have been acting really weird, dad!”

Mr. Long tensed, looking away from his daughter for a moment before bowing his head to look down into his tea.

“We... had a conversation with Mr. Tang,” Mr. Long said after a moment of silence, making Mei look at him with surprise. “... actually, no, it was more like we were given a lecture by Mr. Tang.” He chuckled, ruffling his hair and looking back up to Mei. “We may have many years on him, but he made us feel like teenagers being yelled at by the principal again. Your mother and I... we realized after your reaction of surprise that we haven’t been the most open and communicative parents. We’ve treated our house like more of a museum than as a home ever since you were a child, and when you moved out and we helped you get everything you had no access to while growing up here... we didn’t realize that it would feel even more so like we were trying to uphold that image.”

“Mr. Tang talked to you about that?” Mei winced, remembering the multiple times she would rant at her family friend who had been there for her since she was just a little girl. Multiple... multiple times. He’d been sworn to secrecy, naturally, but it seemed that this was the last straw for him.

“Yes,” her father confirmed with a nod, twisting his fingers. “We never meant for you to feel unwelcome in your own home, but with how busy we always were and how proud we were of our family history we lost sight of the fact we were. Even if you only stay here when we’re gone to watch the house we want you to feel comfortable, Mei. I can understand if you’re still apprehensive of this, however.”

Whatever Tang has said to the Long family heads must have been something to behold. And Mei couldn’t help but grab the paperwork and move to the side of the table her father sat at, sitting beside him instead of across from him.

“Well for starters, lets make this less ‘business meeting’ and more ‘dad talking to kid’, ok?” She said lightly, laying the papers in front of both of them. “And... car upkeep is more mom’s thing? Since when?” Mei raised a brow with a smirk,

Her father looked at her with surprise before chuckling, moving to half face her and the table with a far more comfortable smile. “She hasn’t really had the time to work on them since well before you were born, but...” he leaned in closer, whispering conspiratorially. “She used to be a street racer too!”

“WHAT!?” Mei exclaimed, covering her mouth when her father raised a finger to his lips in a shushing motion. “Mom was a street racer?”

“One of the best, right around when she was your age too!” Mr. Long laughed, a far off look in his eyes. “You and her have a lot more in common than one would think at first glance. You’re smart, good with vehicles, not to mention our dragon powers are from her side of the family- I only earned my own through being close to her over a long period. Why, sometimes I think the only things you got from me were your skills in video games and amazing sense of hair style!”

“Dad!” Mei laughed, gently shoving her dad’s shoulder tentatively. When he only laughed more at that she softened, relaxing against the table. “Guess I have a lot to learn about you both, huh?

“As long as you want to,” her father offered, spreading the blueprints between the two of them.

"I do,” she agreed, looking over the papers again. They could definitely use some... fine tuning. But they were a good start. “But I guess I was right about one thing!”

“What’s that?”

“Every time someone saw you guys they thought you were the one to be worried about,” she admitted with another chuckle, shaking her head. “I’d always correct them saying ‘my father may look like the scary one, but it’s my mother you need to be afraid of’ and now... well, if mom used to race the way I do on my bike I was way more right than I thought I was.”

“Oh, Mei, your mother was far more reckless than you ever were. You should have seen some of the catastrophes she used to cause.”

“... are they on the internet?”

Her father frowned for a moment before watching the door... and a conspiratorial smirk overtook his face.

“Want to find out together?”

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #fanfic #gen fic #mei #Long Xiaojiao #mr and mrs long #prompt fill #i know their last name in the dub is dragon #i am not using that Long is their last name in the chinese version and it means dragon and I am just gonna use it here too #i also REALLY WISH WE SAW MORE OF HER PARENTS THAN IN JUST EPISODE 3 #we know almost nothing of their personalities #so i am just using headcanons for everything here #given mei house sat i don't even think she lived with them anymore i think they just have her room and leave it the way she left it

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oikawaplssteponme · 4 years ago

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original request: @bakugousmymassa Hi willow🥺❤️❤️ ok so this has been on my mind for so long and I hope it makes sense. Ok so bakugou x fem reader and like yk she’s simping for him through manga/anime little does she know he’s doing the same thing is his world. And like they start thinking about each other and it comes through in the manga/anime and like they somehow find a way to communicate through it and like their love/simping becomes so strong that she randomly pops up in the common room and the bakusquad/class 1a is like 👁👄👁 and like they kiss or whatever Ik it’s long and weird but like omg I can’t get it out my mind sorryyy😭😭

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem! reader

warnings: some swear words

genre: fluff, a bit angsty

a/n: thank you so much for the request bb! i added my own twist to it so i hope you like it!!

finally done with all my inbox requests!! 99% of them were bakugou in which i had zero complaints. i am here for all your bakugou needs 🤩i got a bit carried away with writing this so that’s why im letting it have it’s own moment☺️ i loved writing this and i would love to hear your thoughts on it (reblogs are greatly appreciated too🧡) enjoy xx

•

It was your favorite bookstore. It was where you bought your first manga. It was where you found a love for all these complex characters and incredible storylines. This bookstore seemed to satisfy every craving you had in regards to a 2D boy to fawn over. So there was no surprise that when you strolled into the bookstore, you headed straight to where the My Hero Academia mangas were.

You had read them all, even watched the anime. For some reason, you just kept coming back. You couldn’t get enough.

Something on the bookshelf had caught your attention. Among the original mangas, there was one lone book, different from the rest. You stared at the cover. It had your favorite character on it, keeping you intrigued. You had never seen this one before. Was it a side story? Was it a new release? If so, why would there only be one? Out of your own curiosity, you decided to buy it.

You handed the bookstore cashier the manga and your money. They looked at you, simply smiling.

“Is Katsuki Bakugou your favorite?” they asked.

“Yeah, he is,” you smiled. They handed you the book.

“Unfortunately there are no returns on this special edition. I guess you’ll be stuck with him,” they said. You chuckled, taking their comment as a joke.

“I’m okay with that.”

Once you were home, you sat down on your couch and pulled out the book, opening it up.

“What the…”

The pages were blank. The entire book had nothing in it. No words, no drawings, just plain white paper.

“How can you sell an empty book?” you groaned. You thought you had wasted your money on this. You set the book down, staring at the blank page angrily.

Suddenly, one spot of ink appeared on the page. Then more. Your eyes grew as the pages created their own drawing in the corner.

“This isn’t happening…”

You stared at the drawing, stunned.

“What kind of idiot buys a book before opening it first,” read the text bumble. On the page was a drawing of Katsuki Bakugou, his arms crossed with his classic smirk.

“H-How did you just…”

Another drawing began to appear next to the original.

“What? Never seen a self-drawing manga before? Come on dumbass, keep up with me here.”

You couldn’t believe your eyes. Bakugou was talking to you, through a manga.

“B-But you’re not real… you’re just a drawing…”

“Sure I’m a drawing right now, just as you are a drawing on my end. Doesn’t make me or you any less real.”

“Why are you talking to me… how did you find me?”

“Well, how did you find out about me?”

“I read about you in my mangas and I watch your show…”

“Then there is your answer gorgeous. I do the same.”

“I’M A CHARACTER IN A MANGA?” Your brain couldn’t seem to process everything that was happening.

“Of course you are. Damn, you aren’t the brightest…”

“B-But then how did I get your book? Anyone could have bought it.”

“Well me and Shitty Hair figured out a way to leave something behind for you. So that’s how you can talk to me through the book,” explained Bakugou.

“This isn’t happening...this is a lot to process right now. You’re like my dream guy but you’re supposed to be fictional and I’m not entirely sure what to do with all this new information,” you sighed.

“I can explain better in person.”

“I’m sorry, what-”

“Go grab a pen.”

“Bakugou-”

“Go grab a pen Y/N.”

You did as you were told, grabbing the nearest pen.

“Okay now what?”

“Go to a new page and draw yourself, like how I am,” Bakugou instructed. You were skeptical but did it anyway. You created a small box and drew yourself, resembling a manga panel.

“Now write your location as ‘in the common area’.”

“This has to be some kind of fever dream…”

“Just do it dumbass.”

You carefully wrote your desired location.

“Okay now what?”

“I’ll see you later dumbass,” smirked Bakugou. Your eyes grew.

“What- no you can’t just leave-”

“Bye nerd.”

No new panel appeared. You sighed, still in shock.

“There’s no way that was real…”

You set the manga down and laid on your back. You felt a wave of exhaustion come over you. You yawned, slowly falling asleep.

“Be quiet, you’re gonna wake her up!”

“How did she even get here?”

“Do you think Bakugou would be mad if I asked her out?”

“It’s not like she would say yes…”

“HEY-”

“Shit I think she’s awake....”

You felt groggy. As if you had been sleeping for days. You slowly started to open your eyes. People-like figures hovered around you.

“Back up, give her some space…”

You sat up, rubbing your eyes. The room was bright. The yellow-tinted walls and green floor caught your attention.

“Where am I…”

“UA High! A prestigious academy made for creating the world’s best Heroes!”

“Wait… Iida?”

“Correct!”

You soon realized what had happened. You looked around to all the familiar faces.

“Iida, Deku, Jirou, Kaminari, Momo, Mina, Kirishima, Todoroki…”

“Damn you’re good!” smiled Denki. You couldn’t believe it. You had some how made your way into your favorite story.

“Am I in the anime?”

“What anime?” asked Todoroki.

“Our anime! Or manga whichever you prefer!” smiled Deku.

“This has to be a dream, right?”

“How? You just woke up?”

“Todoroki it was a rhetorical question…”

“Oh…”

“Um where is Bakugou?” You asked. Everyone smiled.

“He’s waiting outside. You can go meet him,” explained Kirishima. You gulped. It’s not every day you get to come face to face with your fictional crush. Well, not so fictional now.

“Uh okay…” You stood up from the couch, beginning to make your way out the door. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

Bakugou was sitting on the steps of the dorms. His heart was beating out of his chest, though he wouldn’t admit it. He twiddled his thumbs as he waited for you to show up.

“H-Hey…” you whispered. Bakugou perked up, immediately standing up and turning around to face you. He looked at you with widened eyes. The both of you just stared at each other for a bit, fathoming the idea that you were really there. Seeing him on a screen or on a page was nothing compared to seeing him in real life.

“Damn…” he mumbled.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

Even though this was technically your first meeting, the two of you weren’t strangers. You knew everything about each other. The endless admiration through pages seemed to have led you here. Exactly where you were supposed to be.

“How is this even real?” You questioned. Bakugou chuckled.

“You do realize your world isn’t the only one out there. So I had to take you to mine.”

“So I’m like a character you read about?”

“Yeah, just as I am that to you. I read your story just as you read mine. It’s not that complicated.”

“Why me though?”

Bakugou took a step towards you. He smiled, taking your hand.

“Why wouldn’t I take the opportunity to meet someone I’ve always dreamed about?”

Your face got hot as you tried to hold back your smile. You squeezed his hand.

“I’m glad you did.”

“Then let’s go dumbass,” he said. You raised a brow.

“What?”

“Well we have to write the rest of the book, don’t we? Come on, I’ve only got you for 300 more pages,” He explained.

“Wait there’s a limit on this?”

“Don’t worry about that now. Now come on, we’ve got shit to do.”

You and Bakugou spent the entire day together. He showed you around Musutafu, introducing you to all his favorite places. He showed you his favorite places to train, his favorite restaurant, where he likes to buy his mangas, and even where he found the book that brought you here.

You couldn’t help but take mental notes while you were with him. His hair was a lot softer than you imagined, and he actually did smell of sweet caramel. His red eyes weren’t intimidating at all, actually, you found them adorable. Bakugou had little patience, which you figured correctly. As you held his hand, he would mumble soft ‘sorry’s’, afraid that his hands were getting sweaty. You reassured him that he was fine. That caused his cheeks to blush.

The two of you sat at a park bench, enjoying the view of the city before you. Your head was rested on his shoulder as you held onto his arm. You couldn’t believe this was real. The boy you spent ages crushing over through a screen actually felt exactly the same. It was better than words.

“I wish there were fireworks,” you said. Bakugou chuckled. He removed his arm from your grip.

“Here. How’s this?”

Bakugou started to create mini-explosions in the palms of his hands, resembling fireworks. You stared at the beautiful sparks. Your smile was contagious. You looked up at him but he was already looking at you. You felt your face turn hot.

“So how many more pages until I’m allowed to kiss you?” blurted out Bakugou. You flinched. The burning in your cheeks grew stronger. You smiled.

“None.”

You grabbed the collar of Bakugou’s shirt and pulled him towards you. You crashed your lips together. He gently cupped your face as he held you close. The way he kissed you was beyond anything you could have ever imagined. His heart was beating out of his chest too. He was looking forward to seeing you in person just as much as you were, maybe more.

You looked at Bakugou. His face flushed pink, a cheeky smile from ear to ear. He wrapped his arm around you.

“Wait I have something for you,” you remembered, “I don’t really know how these work but I thought you could use it too.”

You had handed Bakugou a book, similar to the one he had left for you.

“I just think we deserve another volume,” you grinned. Bakugou kissed the top of your head, taking the book.

“I think so too.”

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. You stretched and rubbed your eyes. Then you remembered.

“Was I really there?” you mumbled. You tried to orient yourself, still slowly waking up. You reached for the manga that sat on the other side of your couch. You took a deep breath opening it up.

The pages were no longer blank. They instead were filled with perfectly detailed drawings of you and Katsuki Bakugou, following the storyline you had just experienced. You wiped the stray tear from your eye and brought the book to your chest.

“Until next time, Katsuki Bakugou.”

•

[general taglist (form in masterlist) : @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @roesaurus @evivn1 @astrooliver @tetsoleil @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @complimentaryhugsgirl ]

#willow.🌸#my hero academia #katsuki bakugō #bakugou x you #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x y/n #mha katsuki #katsuki x you #bnha katsuki x reader #bakugou imagine #bnha

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i-may-have-a-point · 4 years ago

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Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode. After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back. Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well. He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad. These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind. Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.” He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community. This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path. There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers. Robert has other ideas. There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought. And so is getting the answers he came for. He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich. Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries. So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all. Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up. He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people. He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try. Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy. He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does. He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff. Having this inclination to run away all the time. And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything. I know that. So…and I’ve tried. I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be. I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad. He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with. Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull. Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long? No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad. He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did. If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert. “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.” This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April. So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground. One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either. It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters. From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing. To makes things right. And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision. He is going to do the right thing. He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation. Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet. Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him. How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what. She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have. But this is different. So much has changed in the past few years. Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic. Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down. Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs. He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe. They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been. They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter. They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about. Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew. Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.” For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated. It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush. She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm. She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before. Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision? And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her. She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice. She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice. He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again. Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston. He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him. “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.” Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere. The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes. Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring. The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans. If only they could get their timing right.

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes. Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work. Yes, they are going to Boston. Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary. As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over. One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew. “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together. But he was still so angry and hurt. I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died. You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.” Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that. He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain. (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.) He gave her a reason to smile again. Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be. Fingers crossed for new horizons. Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

#japril #japrilendgame #aprilkepner #jacksonavery

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army-author · 4 years ago

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jimin scenario | in for a treat

❝ as you grow up together, you and jimin celebrate halloween in your own special way. with the passing of the years, your relationship continues to blossom while the trees shed their leaves... ❞

➝ prompt: i’ve never celebrated halloween before, but it’s your favourite holiday. you’re determined to make my first halloween the most exciting holiday ever. i’m loving the enthusiasm, but isn’t this a bit much?

➝ pairing: slytherin jimin x slytherin reader

➝ genre: fluff, hogwarts au, friends to lovers

➝ requested by anon | 8.5k words

➝ warnings: implied smut

➝ author’s note: sorry that this is so late. i had this written before halloween, but never got the time to edit it until now, so apologies if it’s weird reading such a heavily halloween themed fic in november. i hope everyone enjoys it, regardless! i think i may have strayed a little from the prompt, but hopefully all the fluffy moments are worth it!

Halloween was never a holiday that interested you. At least that’s how it used to be…

Growing up with a non-magic family, the festivities had never seemed that interesting. You couldn’t figure out the appeal of a holiday dedicated to something you didn’t believe in. The ghosts, the ghouls, the whispers of magic on the air – it all appeared juvenile. Of course, you would buy the occasional pack of sweets for the school children that scurried around the neighbourhood, demanding treats on every doorstep. However, you never went out to celebrate yourself, uninterested in the costumes, the decorations, or the general air of mischief that circulated that that time of year. You had no rose-tinted nostalgia for the holiday, and no desire to dress up or carve Jack-o-lanterns.

All this changed when you met Jimin.

When you had first received your letter from Hogwarts, both you and your parents had been shocked. You had no idea up that magic even existed, and yet, there was the letter in your hands, screaming the contrary to all you believed. A well constructed prank? The look on your parents’ faces suggested otherwise. Your parents explained to you that magic truly did exist, and while they themselves were non-magical, one of your aunts was actually a witch, who had also attended Hogwarts in her youth.

With that revelation, your life flipped on its head.

After a summer spent pleading with your parents to let you go, you finally arrive at Hogwarts, filled with wonder at the new world you’ve uncovered, and amazed that your family were able to hide this from you for so long. Sorted into Slytherin, you find yourself surrounded by witches and wizards who are already familiar with this alien lifestyle – students who’ve been watching Quidditch matches since they were babbling babies, and who are already familiar with simple spells. New and alone, you find yourself estranged from your peers.

That is, until your first Halloween at Hogwarts.

✽ ✽ ✽

[First Year – October 31st]

On the night of October the thirty first, the girls in your dormitory are preparing for the Halloween feast, with excited chatter, tying up their hair, putting on their robes, and admiring themselves in the mirror.

You sit on the edge of your bed in your robes, swinging your feet, and feeling out of place, like a pulled muscle. You’re unsure of the customs of witches and wizards, and are sweating at the thought of messing up tonight, doing something that will instantly single you out as muggle born. Nerves clamouring as you listen to two of the girls, Padma and Beatrix, whispering about all the possible treats you’ll be served that evening, all of which you’ve never even heard of before, you decide that waiting around in the dorm is just making you feel worse. You get up and walk out of the dormitory, heading to the common room. You were hoping to avoid the commotion, but soon realise your mistake, having only walked further into the confusion. A group of boys are huddled in the corner, helping each other with their ties, while a gaggle of girls giggle in the other corner, glancing at the older boys who walk past with robes billowing. Some prankster has set off a magical miniature firework which crackles dangerously close to the green tapestries hanging from the wall.

You swallow, feeling all the more daft as you watch, excluded, while the rest of your peers enjoy themselves.

“Hello.” Startled, you spin around to the source of the voice.

A boy stands in front of you. You recognise him to be Park Jimin from your potions class. You haven’t spoken to him at all, but have often noticed him – for his undeniably friendly demeanour and his distinctive laugh which always travels around the potions class, followed by the shout of “Park Jimin, and Kim Taehyung! What is so dreadfully funny that you deign it appropriate to interrupt our lesson?”

Unsure if Jimin is speaking to you, you glance around to see if there’s anyone else, and then, suddenly mute, point to yourself.

Jimin laughs. “Yes, I’m talking to you.”

“Oh… Uh, right… sorry. Hi.”

“I didn’t mean to spook you,” Jimin says, a smile playing on his lips at your lost expression, “You just looked a little lonely, so I thought I’d put you out of your misery.

He must have noticed the alarm passing across your features, as he quickly continues, “Oh, Merlin, that sounded like I was planning your assassination or something! I just meant, I wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t want you to be by yourself.”

You laugh, “Well, thank you. I must have looked pretty pathetic, huh?”

“No… well… maybe.”

You open your mouth in mock shock, and then shrug, “It must be super obvious I’m new to all of this.” You gesture to the robe you’re wearing, and clear your throat, lowering your voice, “I’m… from a muggle family.”

You know that wizards and witches from muggle families are a lot more happily accepted by the magical community than they used to be, but it is whispered that some Slytherins still cling to elitist ideals about pure blood magic wielders. You had been both surprised and nervous when you were sorted into Slytherin on your first day. Despite this, you feel at ease explaining to Jimin, who’s currently smiling at your with a friendly curiosity.

“Ah,” Jimin nods, “This must all be very strange for you then.”

“Yep. It wasn’t until my letter from Hogwarts that I even believed that magic was real!”

Jimin’s eyes go wide, “I can’t even imagine what that must be like.”

“On top of that,” you continue on, your barriers breaking down as you easily chat with Jimin, “My family were never really into anything that even hinted at magic or the supernatural, so we never celebrated Halloween!”

You didn’t think Jimin’s eyes could widen further, but he manages to surprise you. “You what?”

A blush rises to your cheeks, and your eyes dart to the floor, suddenly embarrassed. “Yeah… not once.”

“Well, not to worry,” Jimin says, “Look at it this way – this is going to be the best Halloween of your life.”

You can’t argue with that.

“You’re in for a treat,” Jimin assures you, and you grin.

Around you, the crowd of Slytherin students have begun to meander out of the common room. “It must be time for the feast to start,” Jimin is bouncing on his toes in excitement. Feeding off his energy, you cannot help but feel excited yourself, despite not knowing what to expect at all. You follow him down the maze of corridors that make up the old school, leading you towards the Great Hall.

Entering through the grand doors, your mouth involuntarily falls open. Carved pumpkins float above the tables, casting a delicate glow over the array of delicious treats on display. There are plates piled high with tender meats, savoury pies and glazed vegetables. Sweets of all varieties sit in carved pumpkin bows, overflowing with colour.

You follow Jimin to the Slytherin table, where he offers for you to sit next to him. Across from you, at the Hufflepuff table, Jimin’s friend, Taehyung, waves at the two of you frantically.

Jimin grins and waves back, before turning his attention to you. “Well? First impressions?”

“This is all so amazing,” you gush, still transfixed by the wonderful foods piled in front of you. A mixture of delicious scents sing in your nostrils.

You wait patiently while the headmaster rumbles through his speech, welcoming each and every one of you to the feast. You’re salivating when you are finally allowed to start on the food. Despite knowing you should start with the savoury food first, your eyes are drawn, irresistibly, to the sweets. You reach for a handful of jellybeans from one one the plates in front of you. Just as you stuff a handful into your mouth, JImin catches sight of you and begins shaking his head vigorously in warning.

Too late. A cacophony of foul tastes hit your tongue. You’re not sure what you’re supposed to be tasting, but it is not good. Eyes watering, you try not to gag.

“Here, here!” Jimin hands you a napkin, and you discreetly spit out the barely chewed mouthful, folding the napkin over a few times, hiding your faux pax in shame.

“What on God’s green earth was that?” you ask, hurrying to take a sip of water.

“Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans,” Jimin explains , “They’re well known, but I guess you haven't grown up with wizard snacks… Basically, eating one is a gamble. You could get a delicious one. Or you could get an absolutely disgusting flavour. They’re made to cover any possible flavour under the sun. Some of the worst include skunk’s spray and vomit.”

“So that’s what that was...” You try not to think of it, despite the ghost of bitterness haunting your tongue.

Jimin chuckles, “I thought you were being incredibly brave eating so many all at once…”

“I’m new to all of this,” you remind him. Having regained your composure somewhat, you give him a nudge, “I dare you to taste one too. Just so I’m not alone in making a complete fool of myself.”

Jimin grins, “Okay, I’m up for a dare.” He roots around in the bowl, picking out a red one, which he pops in his mouth. “Mmm… cherry.”

You frown, “That’s cheating. You must have known red would be good!” You pick up a red one yourself and place it on your tongue, only to have the disgusting taste of liver clamber across your taste buds. You don’t need to tell Jimin how disgusting this bean is. Your face says it all, as Jimin begins laughing. You begin searching for the napkin again, but Jimin says, “No, no, you’ve committed. You gotta swallow now.”

You open your eyes wide, begging, but he continues, “I dare you.”

Your brows furrowing in effort; it takes all your strength not to retch as you swallow. “That’s not fair,” you say, “How come I got so unlucky?”

Jimin shrugs, “There’s about a fifty percent chance you’ll get something nice.”

You cross your arms on the table, “I still think you must have cheated somehow.”

“How about you try something tasty instead?” Jimin gestures to the other nice looking foods in front of you.

Your brow crinkles, “How am I supposed to know there aren’t other weird foods you wizards eat?”

Jimin begins spooning things onto your plate, “Don’t worry, these are all good. Cross my heart.”

You watch him pile foods higher and higher until you beg, ‘Stop, there’s no way I can eat that much!”

“Sure, but you gotta at least try a little bit of everything,” Jimin encourages, so you pick up a fork and make your way around the plate, sampling every flavour. You start with the meats, which are just as tender as they look. The chicken melts in your mouth, and the gammon is sweet and salty in the best possible way. The vegetables come next. You’ve never been a big fan of vegetables, but these could make you rethink that stance. The carrots are sweet, glazed with a honey dressing, and the parsnips are well seasoned. But the main stars of the show are the desserts. A myriad of flavours hit your senses, each one more delicious than the last. Sweet spices, creamy caramels, and smooth frostings all harmonising a ballad on your tongue, making you squirm in your seat with joy.

“Are they good?” Jimin asks, and you nod enthusiastically, mouth still full. “What’s your favourite?”

You point at one of the pastries as you swallow the last bite, “It’s all good, but I think this one is the best.

“Mmm, apple and redcurrant tart,” Jimin nods in approval, “That one’s good.”

There’s still so much food piled on your plate, but you’re too full to take another bite. You lean back, and sigh contentedly, gazing up at the starry sky that spreads out above you, stars winking down.

“I may be new to Halloween, but I could certainly get used to this,” you say.

“We’ll just have to try and make next year all the more exciting then,” Jimin says, and you give him a grin.

“Challenge accepted.”

✽ ✽ ✽

[Second Year – October 28th]

“We’ve got to make this Halloween better than the last year!”

Jimin is sat cross legged under a crooked tree, leaves just staring to turn orange and gold. You’re standing next to him, well wrapped up, not enjoying the cold that autumn brings with it, as you stamp your numb feet and rub your frozen hands together.

“Oh yeah,” Taehyung grins up at you from his spot next to Jimin, “You don’t normally celebrate Halloween, do you?”

You shake your head, at him, and his grin grows all the wider, and all the more rectangular.

“How do we top last year?” Jimin wonders, while Taehyung struggles with opening a chocolate frog pack.

“You don’t have to try and top it,” you say, finally taking a seat next to Jimin, and immediately regretting it as cold seeps into your rear. You pull your cloak around you. “Last year was fun. And next year can be fun too...”

“We could throw a party!” Taehyung burst out, interrupting you.

“Would we even be able to host one?” you ask.

Jimin’s brows are furrowed in thought. “That could be a good idea,” he says, and Taehyung smiles in pride, as he finally gets the chocolate frog pack open, only to watch as the chocolate frog hops away, finally freed from its cardboard cage.

“No, come back,” Taehyung digs in his pocket for his wand, but It’s already too late, the frog has hopped into the bushes, out of sight. Taehyung sighs, then digs in the pack for the card. “Hmm, Salazar Slytherin,” he says, staring at the card inside, “I already have him.”

“I don’t,” Jimin pipes up, “I’ll trade you the rest of my sherbet lemons for him.”

Taehyung nods, and you watch the two boys exchange, wondering what all the fuss is about. Jimin shows you the card, where a man poses proudly. You’ve got used to seeing pictures that move on paper, but you’re still always mildly impressed.

“You’re still missing the important detail that we don’t have anywhere to host a party,” you point out, and Taehyung shrugs, as he pops a sherbet lemon in his mouth:

“We can just use a common room. The Hufflepuff common room is close to the kitchen, and you don’t need a password or anything to get in. I bet I could get some of my Hufflepuff friends to help set up.”

“When would we do this?” you ask, giving in reluctantly to Taehyung’s infectious excitement.

“We can do it after the Halloween feast,” Taehyung suggests, and Jimin nods in agreement.

“This sounds great,” he says, glancing at you in anticipation, “What do you say?”

“I’m in.”

The two boys cheer.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Second Year – October 31st]

The next few days pass in a flurry, with Jimin and Taehyung passing notes around the classrooms, letting other students know of your plans. As only students from their respective houses are normally allowed in their house common room, each student is told to keep the plans a secret from the professors.

As the evening finally arrives, Jimin is a ball of energy, struggling to contain his smile, as you walk down to the Great Hall for the feast.

All the way through the feast, you can’t help but think about what’s to follow, excited about the party that is in store later.

As soon as the feast ends, you follow Jimim along with the few other Slytherins who are going o the party, walking with the rest of the Slytherins, heading back towards the Slytherin common room. At one of the turnings on the way, you and Jimin make a left off the normal route, and begin to make your way back, following stairs down to the basement where the Hufflepuff common room is located. Reaching the door, you give the secret knock you had arranged with Taehyung beforehand.

His head pops around the door, a conspiring grin on his face as he lets you in. The Hufflepuff common room is round, with circular windows close to the ceiling which give a view of the darkness outside. House plants line the shelves of the room, some dripping their leaves down the earthy walls. Taehyung and his friends have added orange and gold streamers, with carved Jack-o-lanterns grinning from the alcoves and crevices.

“Ta-da,” Taehyung spreads out his arms, spinning around to show off his – and his friends’ – hard efforts.

“This is amazing, Taehyung,” you tell him, and he gives a wide smile:

“There’s more, come take a look at this!”

You let him lead you and Jimin over to a table stacked high with sweets. “I managed to scrounge these from the kitchens.” He gives a wink, “This is why it’s good to be friendly with the cooks. Hope you saved room.”

You hadn’t saved much, and you eye the sweets sadly, afraid that any more food would make you pop. There’s even apple and redcurrant tart. You cast it a wistful look, before letting yourself be distracted by Jimin and Taehyung.

Slowly, other students begin to trickle into the common room, some of them older students, most in the same year as you. Music begins to float from a corner of the room, and so, you grab Taehyung and Jimin, lading them to the centre of the room, where a few other students have started dancing.

Swaying in time with the music, you laugh as Taehyung and Jimin goof around in front of you, clapping along to the beat. The air is filled with happy chatter. You drink in the atmosphere, swept along by the other’s enthusiasm.

Taehyung notices a few of his friends from Hufflepuff and waves, before going over to say, “Hello”, leaving you alone with Jimin on the makeshift dance-floor.

You suddenly feel a little awkward, dancing alone with Jimin. You keep on swaying, smiling over at him every so often. His eyes are often on the floor, his dancing slowing to a gentle sway, but occasionally his eyes connect with yours before flicking down to the floor again. Perhaps he’s feeling just as awkward as you are.

All of a sudden, there’s a shout, and the music cuts out. You halt, Jimin frozen at your side, while the other students twist their heads, looking around, trying to figure out what’s going on.

“What is the meaning of this?” Above the other heads of the students, you can just about make out the head of one of the tall Hufflepuff prefects. “You do realise that there are some students who are trying to sleep after the feast, right?” He strides forward, the other students parting in waves before him. “I think I see some non-Hufflepuff students here as well,” he comments as he passes by you. You pull your cloak around you, trying the mask the Slytherin colours on your jumper. “I have half a mind to report everyone in this room to the headmaster.”

“Aw come on,” one of the other prefects, a boy you recognise as Jung Hoseok follows behind his peer, “These kids are just having fun,” he places an arm on the other prefects shoulder. “Let’s just say it was a mistake – a learning experience – and move on. I’m sure it won’t happen again.” He gives a wink to Taehyung, who’s stood across from you, trying to look guilty.

“Alright,” the prefect snaps, “But if I hear even a single whiff of another party being held in this common room, I will march each and every pupil responsible down to the headmaster’s office myself, mark my words.”

With that, the party disperses – very quickly. Streamers are swept away with the flicking of wands, and the candles in the Jack-o'-lanterns instantaneously snuff out.

Grabbing Jimin by the sleeve, you both make a bee-line for the exit, giving Taehyung a reluctant wave as you leave.

“Well, that wasn’t as successful as I hoped,” Jimin whispers, as you make your way down the corridor, heading back towards the Slytherin dorms.

“Maybe not,” you say, “But it was fun. Did you see that prefect’s face? I thought he was going to explode with rage.”

Jimin snorts with laughter. “Sorry it wasn’t the best of Halloween experiences.”

“What do you mean?” you say, “It’s gotta be one of the best. At least top-three.”

“You haven’t even celebrated three Halloweens yet!”

“Exactly. So it’s been one of the best.”

“Well, we’ll just have to top it again next year.” Jimin decides.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Third Year – October 28th]

Moving into your third year you find yourself gifted with a little more freedom around the school. It’s the year that you’re allowed to visit Hogsmeade, and you’re an uncontainable ball of energy when the weekend closest to Halloween rolls around, marking the first date that the third years are allowed to make their way down to the all-wizarding village.

On the Saturday, you and Jimin meet up with Taehyung on the steps outside Hogwarts, and make your way down to the village. All the way JImin is talking excitedly about how he’s planning on one-upping the Halloween festivities from last year.

“We can’t have another part like last year,” Taehyung says, “No way am I willing to get us all in trouble again.”

“I know,” Jimin sighs, “But we’ve gotta do something exciting, right?”

The topic of Halloween soon fades away as you finally reach Hogsmeade. The village street is blanketed by leaves in red and orange, with cheery lights shining from the windows of shops, giving a cosy contrast to the drab autumnal sky.

“Where do we go first?” Taehyung asks, and you and Jimin share a look, before you both point to the sweets shop, Honeydukes.

“Do you guys think about anything other than your stomachs?” Taehyung asks, following after you, as you rush for the cosy looking shop, nestled under a crown of fallen leaves that adorn its low roof. Your eyes widen as you enter, drinking in the view of the magical sweets packed in jars from floor to ceiling. You pick out sherbet lemons, Jimin’s favourite, and he buys a packet of apple and redcurrant tarts from the pastry display. He shares the still warm pastries with you as you exit back into the cold air, and debate where to go next. Taehyung is eager to visit Zonko’s Joke shop, while Jimin needs to visit Ceridwen’s Cauldrons to get a replacement cauldron after an unfortunate incident in your last potions lesson involving an explosion and a very angry potions teacher. You make your way around the village, stopping in at each shop you want in turn, before finally stopping at the Three Broomsticks where Jimin offers to buy the three of you butterbeers.

As he leaves the table, Taehyung gives you a look that you struggle to interpret. “Looks like Jimin is super excited for your third Halloween.”

You laugh, “He’s more excited than I am.”

“Well sure, but he wants to impress you.”

“Huh?” you blush, not sure what Taehyung’s implying, “Nah, he just wants us all to have fun.”

“Yeah, but he wants you especially have fun,” Taehyung goes on.

“Well of course, I’m his friend.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “You aren’t normally this oblivious, are you? I can’t possibly be speaking to the same person who’s aced all her divination and dark arts tests this year. I am, in fact, speaking with a moron, who’s somehow possessed the body of my friend.”

“Come on Taehyung, stop being daft” you give him a shove from across the table, “What are you trying to say.”

“I’m saying that Jimin likes you,” Taehyung enunciates every word, “As. More. Than. A. Friend. And you’d have to be an idiot not to see it.”

You shake your head, perplexed. Before you can question Taehyung further, Jimin is standing at the table, trying not to spill the three butterbeers as he sets them down.

He squeezes into the space next to you, while Taehyung gives you a meaningful look, and you blush.

“Well, cheers to our first Hogsmeade visit,” Jimin raises up his mug, and you do the same, clicking your overflowing mug against his and Taehyung’s, trying not to slosh any more of the golden liquid down the side than is absolutely unavoidable.

You take a deep sip, letting the warmth seep from your mouth down to your stomach and out to the extremities of your body, ears to fingers to toes. “Oh man, that’s so good,” you say, eyes wide as you set down your mug, wiping at the froth that was left on your lips.

Taehyung and Jimin both nod in agreement, and you settle back comfortably on your chair, pondering Taehyung’s words, as your two friends begin to argue over whether chocolate frogs are actually a good snack, or if they’re only good for the collectible cards you get with them.

✽ ✽ ✽

By the time you leave the Three Broomsticks, the sky is beginning to darken, with orange coloured clouds crowding out the deep navy of the sky.

Jimin suddenly stops in his tracks, spinning around to face you: “I’ve just had a great idea!”

You wait, curious, edging him on with your raised brows:

“I have an idea how we can celebrate Halloween this year,” he continues. You and Taehyung’s silence is encouragement enough for him to continue. “We should go visit the Shrieking Shack. I mean… I know it’s a bit early for Halloween. But it’ll be the perfect haunted experience.”

An uncertainty pools in your stomach, cold and clammy, as you stare at the abandoned house that looms over Hogsmeade. It’s rumoured to be the most haunted house in Britain. You mull over the idea in your head. “Don’t you think it’s dangerous?”

When you first arrived in Hogwarts, you were startled at the sight of actual ghosts, which you had gone your whole life beleiving to be a superstition. The ghosts at Hogwarts were friendly, but ghosts haunting an old abandoned house… you weren’t so sure.

Jimin shrugs in response to your question. “Who knows.” Seeing you hesitation, he gives a tug on your sweater, “Come on. I’ll keep you safe if anything happens, I promise.”

Taehyung raises his hands in defeat, “Listen, I don’t think I’ll stay. It’s getting late, and I just remembered I have a divinations homework to finish. But you two should go have a look and find out if it’s really haunted!”

Before you can stop him, Taehyung is spinning on his heel, and heading back for Hogwarts. Not before he flashes you a quick wink, and you suddenly realise that he’s trying to give you some alone time with Jimin. Or maybe he’s trying to give Jimin some alone time with you. You’re not sure what to think, but you feel uncertainty digging its roots deep, planting you firmly on the spot - right beside Jimin. His presence is suddenly incredibly distracting, feeling his heat so close beside you, battling against the cold autumn evening. His breath billows clouds on the air, his dark eyes blinking curiously at you, pleading.

‘Alright, fine. Just a quick look!”

Jimin grins, and you allow him to pull you to the Shrieking Shack that stands, creaking, on its own, ostracised from the other buildings in Hogsmeade. The building is rounded off by a rickety fence, casting a shadow over you. A cold fear trickles down your back, but you steel yourself, determined not to make a fool of yourself in front of Jimin.

Jimin gives you a leg-up over the fence, before climbing over himself, and suddenly, there’s nothing separating you from whatever might reside in the house. A cold wind tugs at your hair and scarf, pulling away your frozen breath.

Your fingers are threaded through Jimin’s. You don’t remember grabbing him. He squeezes your fingers.

You walk forward together, slowly. At the door, Jimin murmurs a spell, and the door creaks open on unstable hinges. Inside, the house is dark, and the strong smell of mildew rises to meed your nostrils.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go in,” you whisper, trying to steady your shaking voice, “We’ve got close enough.”

“No, come on,” Jimin hisses, pulling you closer. Swallowing your fear, you follow after him, huddled close for comfort. The house feels colder than the outside breeze, and your fogged breath clouds your vision.

As you step further into the bowels of the house, your ears pick up on a hissing, muttering sound. Your freeze, paralysing fear sinking its claws into your spine, and Jimin pauses beside you, hand damp in your own. Straining your ears beyond the pounding of your own heart, you hear – yes, those are definitely voices.

Carefully, cautiously, Jimin leads you forward, down the corridor to the door that is partially open, where the voices emanate from. Pressing his finger to his lips, Jimin peers around the door to find…

A group of sixth years smoking cigarettes. As the door swings open, revealing you and Jimin, one of them glances up and then nudges the other one, “Hey, look what we got here.”

“Oi,” the other, who seems to be the more authoritative, stands up, “Scram.” He makes a grab for his wand, but you and Jimin don’t need any more prodding. Turning on your heels, you flee for the door.

You and Jimin don’t stop running until you reach the entrance to Honeydukes, shuddering out shaky laughter that fogs the cold air.

Jimin’s hand is still in yours, not having let go through the entire experience. You don’t comment as he keeps his fingers laced through yours as you walk back to Hogwarts.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Fourth Year – October 31st]

The school is abuzz this year. Your professors have decided to host a ball on Halloween night, which all of the older students are allowed to attend. It won’t just be any kind of ball, but a masquerade ball, in keeping with the tradition of wearing costumes for Halloween.

Excitement shoots through your veins as you get ready for the night. You’re incredibly happy with the dress which your parents had sent to Hogwarts. It’s purple with a skirt that flares out and shimmers in the light, seemingly changing colour dependant on the light that strikes it’s folds and frills, shifting through shades of blue and aquamarine. You take one last look at your hair in the mirror, tucking a stray strand behind your ear, before you put on your mask of purple lace, matching your dress.

Your roommate, Padma, helps you tie the silk ribbon keeping your mask in place, and gives you a smile. “You look amazing.”

Blushing, you glance down to the floor, unsure how to take the compliment. “Thanks, you too.”

Her face flushes with happiness before she walks away to help Beatrix with her dress. Satisfied with your appearance as you cast one last glance over your reflection, you make your way out into the Slytherin common room. From the common room window, you can see the full moon shining on the surface of the Hogwarts lake.

You spot Jimin, despite his mask, immediately. He’s wearing a dark suit, with a black shirt and tie, and a black mask to match. Sneaking up behind him where he’s standing with a group of other Slytherin boys, you give him a tap on the shoulder.

He turns around, and a smile spreads across his features, “Wow, look at you!” He picks you up and spins you around, while you squeak his arms. “You look amazing.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you giggle as he sets you down again, breathless.

You catch a flush of colour beneath his mask, and your mind flicks back to Taehyung, who’s been dropping hints that Jimin has a crush on you for most of the past year. You’ve been trying to ignore him, but you can’t help but notice the small hints Jimin gives out without meaning to. The thought of him crushing on you fills you with a warm, happy glow. It’s nice to feel liked, and you silently find yourself hoping – wishing – that it might actually be true.

Of course, you haven’t done anything to confirm it, not ready to put him – or yourself – on the spot. But moments like this make you all the more curious.

“Come on,” Jimin motions to you as the crowd of Slytherins begin meandering to the great hall.

You thread your fingers through his, and let him lead you along the corridors to the Great Hall, happiness fizzing pleasantly in your stomach at the touch of his hand in your own.

As you make your way into the Great Hall your breath leaves your lungs. Even after four years, when you think you’re used to all that magic has to offer, it throws another glittering spectacle your way. The entire hall is cloaked in a purple glow as the sky above your head opens up to the marvel of glowing colours from the northern lights. You know that the real sky won’t have the aurora borealis shining outside, yet it has somehow been summoned to light one room in Hogwarts castle. The whole hall is filled with sparkling streamers, and candles cast a warm glow against the cool lights shining from the sky that makes up the enchanted roof.

“Hey, look,” Jimin nudges you, “Your dress matches the sky.”

You look down at your dress, the purples and blues swirling in the seams of the material and smile. “Well it would be a shame not to go dancing when I look so good in this light,” you say, and Jimin grins, letting you lead him towards the centre of the hall, where a few other students have started dancing.

Holding onto Jimin’s arms, stronger than your remember, you spin around the dance floor, held close to his warmth. The sky above your head is a glittering shimmer of different colours, ghosting past your eyes, with your gaze fixed on Jimin. His face is mostly obscured by his mask, but his eyes are clear to you, fixed on your own - dark pools of emotion that you can reach, interpret, if you just give yourself one moment of vulnerability. If you just give yourself one shimmering moment of honesty.

Your eyes rip away from Jimin’s, your face blushing, unsure of the feelings that you’re encountering. You notice Taehyung in your periphery vision. He’s standing at the edge of the dance floor, with a mug of butterbeer in his hand. Normally, you know that he would run over to you and Jimin, a grin on his face and a greeting on his tongue, but he seems to sense the same shimmering uncertainty hovering between you and Jimin. As he stands quiet at the edge of the dance floor, he gives you a wink, and then weaves his way back into the crowd.

This is what he’s been trying to encourage all this time – one moment of vulnerable honesty, where both you and Jimin open up enough to realise what’s so obvious to anyone else. You’re tired of waiting for confirmation.

Tipping your chin up, you push your lips to his in a rush of courage, almost as if you had drunk Felix Felicis. You can feel surprise rolling through his body, as he keeps his hold on you. Slowly, easily, he melts into your kiss. His lips open to yours, and with a whirling head, you give yourself over to the desires you had been ignoring for so long, fingers finding purchase on the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Your nerves conduct a symphony of excitement as everything you had needed was understood and relinquished to you in that moment.

As you part, both breathless, both smiling, you say,“Shall we step outside – just to get some fresh air?”

Jimin follows your cue, with an “Absolutely,”, walking after you as you weave your way through the crowds, out the door of the Great Hall, and towards the exit of the castle. The air is cold as you step out, and your shiver in the gauze of your shimmering dress, beautiful, but useless at protecting against the chill.

Seeing you trembling, Jimin removes his blazer and places it over your shoulders. You breathe deeply, enjoying the fresh crisp edge in your lungs.

Outside, with the real stars shimmering above you, unmasked from the aurora borealis that shimmered in the Great Hall, you turn to Jimin. You remove your mask, glad to let the cool air fall onto your cheeks.

Jimin takes off his mask as well, and you rake your eyes over his expression, hunting for a hint of regret at the kiss you had shared. There’s nothing but joy in his face.

As the rest of the school parties inside, you and Jimin share your hearts out in the cold.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Fifth Year – October 31st]

Jimin is taking Halloween celebrations very seriously this year. After all – it’s not just Halloween, it’s also your anniversary. One year of being a couple.

That’s why, when the Halloween Feast ends, instead of heading back to the common room, he leads you out of the school, sneaking through back passages and hallways until you’re outside, with the brisk wind whipping your hair.

“Where are we going?”

Jimin keeps throwing you knowing glances, pushing his fingers to his lips.

Impatience bubbles below your skin, but you allow him to lead you on to the edge of the lake, where you find a spread of your favourite snacks and drinks on a checkered picnic blanket, surrounded by candles that suddenly flicker on with the murmur of a spell.

“I hope you saved room for desert like I told you to.”

“Wow, Jimin,” you kneel down on the blanket, absorbing the array he’s arranged. “This is wonderful!”

“I hoped you would like it,” you can barely see it, but in the candle light, you notice a faint blush on his cheeks.

“I love it,” you assure him, leaning across to give him a kiss on the cheek, and the blush deepens.

You allow yourself a few tastes of the of sweets that Jimin has provided, including the apple and redcurrant tart that is, magically, still warm, before lying back on the picnic blanket, snuggling up to Jimin, who provides an arm wrapped around you to fend off the chill.

As you stare up at the cloudless sky, with stars winking down at you, a wave of satisfaction spreads through your chest. You wish you could pause your life at this moment, bound by Jimin’s arms.

“Thanks for an amazing year, Jimin,” you murmur, and you feel his grip around you tighten a little, as he squeezes you.

“Thank you too. Here’s to many more.”

With no once but the stars watching down, you lean in to kiss him, pulling him closer. His body is firm and warm, a perfect distraction from the cold air that presses in from all other sides. After a year, you have so many emotions to share with him, so much love to give him.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Sixth Year - October 31st]

On the sixth year, your year group is allowed to go on a short school trip to a castle nestled in the mountains. The main goal of the school trip is learning of the history of some magical relics that were discovered around the area, as well as observing rare magical creatures that live in the area for your Care of Magical Creatures course.

The part you have been looking forward to the most is the Halloween celebrations. While you’ll be missing the normal Halloween feast, your teachers have allowed you your own room in the castle, where you can have a party with your year group.

The small room in the castle is cozy and cheerful, with a fire flickering in the hearth, and a tables piled high with food, making your mouth water and your eyes glisten.

When you and Jimin walk into the room together, your hand finds his, squeezing in excitement.

Taehyung walks up behind you, and throws an arm over each of your shoulders. “How are my favourite love-birds?”

Jimin laughs, “We’re good. You enjoying the school trip?”

“Sure… Although our group didn’t see anything exciting when we went orienteering. I swear the way the teachers spoke about it, I was certain that this place would be swarming with unicorns, But I suppose, even in areas where they’re more common… they’re still pretty rare.”

You bite your lip, not sure if telling Taehyung that the group you and Jimin were with managed to spot a young unicorn while you were out. Instead you say, “Isn’t this a nice change of pace from the normal Halloween feast?”

Taehyung looks around the room, a nostalgic smile on his face. “Yeah, it’s nice. Really nice... It’s strange to think that this is our penultimate year at school. It doesn’t feel that long ago we were just getting sorted into our houses.”

You feel Jimin’s squeeze your fingers. “Yeah, it’s going to be so strange when we have to leave,” he says.

“We’ll all stay friends when we leave Hogwarts though, right?” you say, and without any hesitation both Jimin and Taehyung answer - “Absolutely.”

✽ ✽ ✽

That night, you hear a knock on your dormitory door. Cracking it open, you peer out to find Jimin outside. “Hi,” he whispers.

“Jimin, you know we’re not meant to visit other students’ rooms at night,” you chide teasingly.

“I know, but I wanted to see you. Can I come in?” You peer up and down the corridor, but the entire hallway appears empty.

You nod, and let him in. The rooms you’ve been allocated at the castle are large, almost as big as the dorm rooms you’re assigned at Hogwarts, but you don’t have to share this one with other Slytherin girls. A large four-poster bed stands at the centre of the room, where you will be spending the night.

Excitement leaps up to your stomach as you realise that you’re alone in a bedroom with Jimin for the first time in a long time. Your professors are normally strict about students mingling in the dormitories at Hogwarts, so it’s difficult to get any intimate alone time.

You know the same thing is on Jimin’s mind, as his eyes fall to the bed. With a grin, you lead him over to soft mattress, frosted by the thick duvet. Pulling him under the covers, you wrap your arms around him, your lips finding his in the dark. As he gets lost in the heat of your body, you murmur your love to him, whispered into the empty darkness beyond the haven of your bed. You learn new ways to know him, discovering new parts of him. The night stretches out to infinity, wobbling, and then collapsing with your secretly shared ecstasy.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Seventh Year - October 27th]

As it’s your final year at Hogwarts, some of your year have been tasked with helping to organise events. Of course, Jimin offered to organise the Halloween Feast, but now, as the night creeps closer, you can see he is getting more and more nervous.

When he comes back to the common room after another planning meeting, his tension automatically translates for you with a sigh, as he flops onto one of the chairs and rubs his eyes.

“You doing okay?” you ask, although you know he’s not.

His hair flops over his furrowed brows as he hangs his head. “It’s fine. I just… I want to make this Halloween Feast the best it’s ever been, and I don’t know if it’s all going to come together the way I want...”

You make you way to the back of his chair, and begin to massage the tense muscles in his shoulders. “I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”

“But don’t you see?” Jimin looks up at you, straining his neck, “This is going to be the last Halloween Feast we have at Hogwarts. It’s got to be amazing! Or I’ll let you down.”

“No matter what, if I get to celebrate it with you, it’ll be amazing,” you reassure him, bending to plant a kiss on his forehead.

He smiles, and you feel his muscles relaxing against you. “Well, no matter what, you’ll be in for a treat, I promise.”

“I always am, when I get to spend all my days with you.” You plant a kiss on his lips this time, feeling him smile into you.

✽ ✽ ✽

[Seventh Year – October 31st]

The day of the Halloween Feast rolls around, and you meet Jimin in the common room, both dressed up, ready for the feast.

Jimin’s face melts into a soft smile, seeing you, with your hair tied back, and your gown billowing out around you as you run up to hug him. You can smell his cologne as you pull away from him, dizzying you, as it clings to your clothing – a reminder that he held you close.

“You ready for this?” you ask, and he gives you a nod, hand squeezing at your own.

You let him lead you down the hallways to the Great Hall. You take in every detail, knowing you’ve got a limited time left to appreciate the unique crevices of Hogwarts, with the twisting staircases, and the curious paintings. You’re not sure what will happen once you graduate. Will you have to go back to a non-magical life with your parents? Or will you get to stay in the world of magic, using the skills you’ve learnt in potion making, divination, and spell casting?

Jimin’s hand grips yours tightly, and you know he’s thinking of what will happen after you leave as well.

As you step into the Great Hall, your worries are quickly swept away.

The Great Hall has been completely transformed. Candles float in the air, burning flames of blue and orange, sparking up to the sky, which burns golden from the setting sun. Crystals dangle down from the ceiling, cascading light across the hall. The tables have strings of lights shining around them. At first glance they appear to be fairy lights, but when you look closer you realise they are actually specks of light floating on their own, like fireflies. Pumpkins sit on the table surrounded by flowers, and sprigs of ivy cascade down the table legs.

“You really outdid yourself,” you tell Jimin in a hushed tone of reverence, “This is beautiful.” He glows with pleasure as you sit down at the Slytherin table.

You feel a poke behind you, and turn in your seat to see Taehyung, who’s stopped on his way to the Hufflepuff table. He grins at you, “Amazing, whoever worked on this did an amazing job.” He grins at you, while Jimin flushes at the indirect complement.

Clasping a hand on Jimin’s shoulder, Taehyung says, “Good job, for real,” before he’s ushered along by some other Hufflepuffs who are trying to get to their seats.

The night seems to go by in a blur of dazzling lights and delicious food. You sit back in your chair, as a house elf comes around offering tea and mints after the dinner. “This was amazing,” you tell Jimin. “I’m sad it’s our last Halloween at Hogwarts. I want to do this all again”

Jimin nods, “It doesn’t need to be the last amazing Halloween we have together though.”

You smile. “Of course not.”

“Hey,” Jimin shuffles in his chair, “I know you might want to go to university after this, but… what would you say if, after all that… we moved in together?”

You blush, thinking it over. You and Jimin have been together for so long, it only seems like a natural conclusion that you would end up together after this. Yet, it seems difficult to imagine what it will be like to be with Jimin outside of Hogwarts, in a hazy future. All you know is that if Jimin’s a part of your life, then the days will be bright.

Without giving it any more thought, knowing exactly what you want, you say, “Yes. I’d like that very much.”

✽ ✽ ✽

[Four Years after Graduating from Hogwarts - October 31st]

It’s the day of the Halloween party – the Halloween party that Jimin has become famous among for hosting at his house. Somehow, without you noticing, late afternoon has slunk in, and you’re helping Jimin add the last finishing touches to your house, making sure all the foods are ready for when guests arrive.

You look around at the spread of food crammed on the small kitchen table. “Not too bad, Park Jimin” you say, giving him an approving smile.

“Well, I couldn’t have got it all done on time without your help,” Jimin says, making his way over to sweep you into a hug. He smells of spices and vanilla from helping you to bake in the kitchen. There’s flour on his hands, which has definitely ended up on your jumper. Nothing a little bit of magic won’t fix.

“Hey,” he pulls away from you, “I was going to ask after the party, but I’m too excited to wait.”

You furrow your brows, wondering what he’s getting at.

He licks his lips, looking down at you, and you see his Adam’s apple bob. “I was wondering...” he pauses, and your hearts starts thudding against your rib cage.

“How would you feel about marrying me?” JImin asks, eyes searching yours.

You don’t give him any moment of hesitation or uncertainty. You’re already pressing a kiss to his lips before your remember directing your body to do so. “I’d want nothing more!” you murmur as you part.

“Good,” he laughs, nuzzling your neck as you hold him close. “Now I won’t have to return the ring I bought you.”

✽ ✽ ✽

After you wave off the party that evening, Taehyung being the last to leave as per usual, Jimin pulls you into the living room, where the remains of the party still linger in the form of dishevelled decorations, and the last crumbs of the snacks you baked.

“Well, did I manage to out do all the Halloweens you’ve had?” Jimin asks as you both snuggle up on the sofa.

“You definitely have,” you assure him, “I mean… you proposed to me!”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to do even better by actually marrying you next year,” he retorts.

“October wedding?”

“Definitely.”

“I’d like that a lot.”

✽ THE END ✽

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