#so train schedules i guess
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Dottore: Oooh, a train! Crucabena: Crucabena: We’re in a train station, Zandik.
#dottore gives me the vibes of someone who can get excited about anything#...this is mostly inspired by me#because like#even shit that I don't give a shit about I can get interested in if I try#also I'm autistic and one thing I find really interesting are train stations. I am not kidding.#specifically how they are organised#so train schedules i guess#and announcements#i find it interesting how everything is in a specific order#enough rambling tho#crucattore#crucabena#dottore#il dottore#genshin impact#fatui#incorrect quotes#fatui harbingers
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I appreciate that you put thought into whether you can put enough time/resources into a new dog though. some people adopt pets with no plans for how they'll care for them but it's nice to see you taking it seriously. idk does that make sense. serious dog ownership
HEY HI I APPRECIATE THAT SO MUCH because I do try really hard to be a Responsible dog owner. everyone remembers, I was over-preparing for the day we brought Hugo home as a puppy lmao
#I clocked like 40 hours of watching training videos#and guess what. absorbed it all.#all that info? it's In Me now. I just Have It#being overprepared for an aminal IS good. it stresses me out when people just. Get A Puppy#but they don't have any plans for what to... do with it?#idk perhaps I'm a freak. but Hugo has such a tight schedule#and I had really concrete plans for his training and upbringing#and I feel like all of it was to his benefit. because he's so sweet and well behaved#sergle answers
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sigh. i think i just do not like dogs very much lol
#just me hi#don't kill me but they are not for me#and i think our dog is alright :) but i am glad he's not mine jfshvh#i'm nervous and unsure about them every time i interact and i don't know why!#tried to tell my mother that at least and she just kinda brushes me off ? so i guess i'll just have to contend with this lol#he's still being trained but i dunno. don't think that kind of animal is for me#which sucks cuz i really did want to like them!! but they're confusing and a bit annoying and a decent sprinkling of scary#and he's a PUPPY. this is the goofiest problem ever jfsvhjfh#+ the dog at work still makes me nervous too.. this is a very Blahhh situation lol#'you've just gotta learn to stop being scared of them' but that Does mean that i have to interact with them more. and it seems#every time i do i just get more nervous ?? urgh#guess i'm not for dogs ! oh wells!#//and in other news why is it that every weekend i do not hesitate to obliterate my sleep schedule Lmfshvjfh#like without Fail it's actually crazy#//OH and it snowed a couple days ago too btw !! like almost a foot of snow i believe which is cool :D#i walked to work and it was fuuuun i enjoyed it :D#though i didn't get a chance to take pictures bc they'd plowed the road by the time i got out </3 it was so cool though !!#//oh also we were playing one of our story games last night w/ siblings :3#it's our longest-running one (it's been ongoing for maybe over a year or so! wild) and the amount of stuff that has Happened is so much Lol#i think last night they helped free half-a-town's worth of people from mine work (the mine turned out to be a crater from a Wish that hadn'#come true so they were mining the tiny shards of the wish-star bc they still have the chance to grant veeery small wishes!) and then also#got the guy that had kidnapped and enslaved them (for ransom + tax reasons) killed “by accident”#/they got into even more arguments with the other characters they're traveling with-#/OH chess also almost strangled one of those guys to death in the mine Lmaooo#there was a whole moment when he realized i was dying jfsvjgh#//yea though i have got to go get some thangs done though..#my dad used all the hot water so i'm just. waiting... stewing.... sauteeing...... gently marinating.............#ooeeoo#yea though !! hope i can work on some ideas i have today !! let's cross hands and hold fingers. wait#anywho Yea i'm gonna get on that 💥 CIAO
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Did you know that when you work at a good place and you advocate for your needs, you actually are listened to sometimes? ;v; I am not used to this.
#transit issues means that it takes me two hours to get home on one of the days i work#so i asked to adjust my schedule by an hour so i could catch an actual train that goes to my actual stop#and not have to take a train and two light rails just to finally make it the fuck home after an eight hour shift#and i was so afraid to ask if we could change it because i didn’t want to be a bother#but guess what! they immediately said yes and let me adjust my schedule#so for the first time in almost three months i am not going to be pushing myself to exhausted pain just to get home on that day#i’m so goddamn relieved#my ramblings
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fuck my stupudass baka life bro
#WhY DO I HAVE TO DISSECT COWORKERS' BRAINS TOO WHEN I ALREADY DO ENOUGH DISSECTION ON THE DAILY#LEAVE ME TF ALONE!!!!!!!!!#no dont actually. i need instruction in gross detail DONT JUST GIVE ME A SENTENCE GIVE ME A THESAURUS#surrounded by chemistry lovers as an anatomy king. fml#ANATOMY 🔛🔝🗣‼️‼️‼️#anyways. logically. it makes sense for me to follow manager's word and go to the new nightshift time#....even tho..#like.#it's not fucking there#on the . schedule#and manager isnt even on the schedule for my training at all LMFAO#so it's like. it makes sense. bcs i applied to be in an overtime position. so i SHOULD have night training#instead of what the official schedule has which is like 4 mornings 1 night training#BUT... EMOTIONALLY..#knowing the communication with the manager ive experienced rn... im guessing my coworkers had no fckin clue#of the sudden change either#but i dont have their numbers or know shit abt them#so like. do i wanna be a dick to the manager who emailed me new 'instructions' (a late btw lol). or to the coworkers#LOGICALLY. I GOTTA SIDE WITH THE MANAGER#BUT FUCK#IDK#IM SCARED
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Song of the Day: December 15
“Cobra” by Megan Thee Stallion
#song of the day#sleep still all awful so actually Sunday was mostly just waiting for the littles to come on their train and then I crashed#(know a migraine's coming when I catch myself looking at the plant light mid-conversation thinking 'I'd be smarter if I turned that off')#I thought I was going to take a nap but apparently I turned off my alarm and nobody came to get me#I guess everybody else also went to sleep? gonna be weird equalizing all these different sleep schedules but we'll make it work
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question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol
#i honestly do not ever think i've had a positive onboarding experience#in my entire professional life#i guess for me a lot of my early-job anxieties are around expectations and 'rules'#like i want to know what time i'm supposed to be there and what time i'm allowed to leave and what the dress code is#and how the hybrid schedule works#so i don't make dumb mistakes right away#i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible#like i don't have to be DOING anything yet but i want to be watching people do things and shadowing in meetings#so i can start to develop a sense of who's who and what the actual work of the office/workplace looks like#and also because i really value getting a feel for personalities as early as possible lol i want to know what the vibes are#hmm and also maybe most importantly#i feel like in any new situation i need a very loose conceptual framework to hold the new information being given to me#otherwise it's just random pieces of info you know? like it's helpful when someone is actively helping me fit information into a frame#like they're saying 'here's the HUGE picture - now let's zoom in and start looking at this one corner of it - and as we add new corners#i'll actively help you fill in the connective tissue that holds these different parts of the big picture together'#hmmm#my worst onboarding experiences have been when the person training me comes in and throws lots of#long complex extremely context-dependent documents or readings at me#and is like ok spend the week reading those and get back to me#and i'm like ??????????#i have NO understanding of what my role is or how this organization functions#at this point it is not helpful for me to pass my eyes over tons of dense info without a guide to tell me what's important#i have no way of gauging of something is important or trivial and then i feel stressed like i have to learn ALL of it#even though i know that a huge portion of it will end up being not that relevant to my day-to-day job
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...
#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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might using this blog for frequent rambling n talks n even venting often since I've been busy w debate stuffs n barely feel motivated so uh. hello
#the mentor just sent a new schedule for more training and I just. sigh#I barely even do things that make me happy like drawing anymore because I feel like I'm not good enough at public speaking yet-#-to join competitions. so I focus myself on training and only training.#so I've been feeling real mentally drained n bad from training a lot n thinking abt the competition#but that's okay#I guess
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should have been at the gym an hour ago but since i'm home alone i'm instead having a Breakdown :)))
#if i am not tied to someone else’s schedule i apparently lose all sense of time entirely#and cannot keep to a schedule even if only for a morning#i mean also i have to go take the train to get to town which is like Guess the Schedule#and also the gym is just so. fucking. boring.#it’s been what? eight years if the exact same routine?#randomness#seriously considering not even going#because of The Sads etc#but i will go to town#doubt i'll make it to the train that’s out in…half an hour tho#so it’s a whole One Hour Later for me#anyway bye
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</3
#just sticked up anime posters in our room with my brother#guess that's one thing that binds us apart from our opposite personalities#otw to railway station to be back to college#its so bittersweet i don't wanna leave home again but i also want to go and study and be with friends and#train scheduled at 1:40 lets go
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I have road rage from trying to travel on a train. Why do some seats face backwards?? Why don't people sit down?? Why is this lady asking me to go past her when there is clearly not space? Why is the train? Who are all these people and why are they not at home they are in my way! Also why, if the trains are always so busy (they are) are there not more services, carriages, anything??
Why have they waited until a bridge is irreparably broken to do maintenance, so now there are replacement busses, which are also too full? Why am I being charged huge amount of money for this shit service? Why is it £10 less to get returns to two diff stations and split my journey in 2? Why is it £10 more expensive to get a 9.33am train when the expensive time ends at 9.34am? That's ONE MINUTE.
Oh EDIT: THEY HAVE TWO. EMPTY. FIRST CLASS CARRIAGES NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SIT IN. seriously they go through and make you move if you sit down. Even if the hallways are so crammed people fall out when the doors open. This is a thing.
#UK trains suck. I am so mad.#These days they tend to be more or less on time that's an improvement from the 90s I Guess#Saxi goes places#New tag for road rage lollll. I get road rage cycling as well I called two ppl wankers for meandering across the road in front of me today.#Lol that train did end up running late so the next train is now a bit late since it waited. Lots and lots of dramatic people rushing about.#They usually catch up to the schedule for this train it's got some long bits#Idk how trains do that I guess they can go faster or slower#Or maybe end up waiting at specific stations. Idk#This was by the way mostly all rgae because I lot a pin from my jacket. It is gone. This is sad.
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i am going to scream
#no one is cooperating#i am literally doing a huge project all by myself and all people care about is their schedule and what makes them comfortable#im sorry did they miss the memo which said that we had to finish it by next week#everyone is horribly selfish and ive given up so much of my time fpr this#life is just a never ending group project life is a circus i am the clown#im not even very much creative but guess what#no one cares!! because i end up doing most of it anyways#brb going to attempt making a lifesize dog sculpture rn i can barely even draw#the only light at the end of the tunnel are the kids im training they are adorable and sweet
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I had a supervisor who, during my interview, gave me the specific outlines for their plans around harassment by guests at the workplace and I'm bummed that job and the managers sucked so much because he was a great guy
#it was soooooo badly run. it's so hard to get a second job as a manager bc we know our rights better than high school/college students#so when you show up and start asking for basic legally mandated rights that no one's ever asked for before? they hate that#the GM didn't meet me during the interview process so when we finally met she left ASAP and actively avoided me for the rest of my time#because I had the gall to ask for an SOP since I was being left alone and an ADA accommodations meeting#I had to go through the supervisors instead#“I have this email from the GM telling me that I'm scheduled for training but doesn't tell me when. do you have any info?”#“oh you don't need training. you start at the entry level and work your way up from there.#the only exception is if you're over 21 and have prior work experience and want to be a bartender."#ma'am. ma'am. you took my identification papers. that have my birth date on it.#Terminal Babyface I guess. in my 30s and frequently mistaken for a teenager.
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My usual waking up time is between 808 to 929 where I would wake up either by panic attack, shaky or bloated or mix of them and today I was already awake since 4am and when 8am rolled around I started to get symptoms? Out of nowhere? Just heavy feelings and depressed like wow okay body I see you
#I remember some ppl recommended waking up earlier to avoid the anxiety attacks but guess that doesn't work w me#it's so weird like the body is trained on a schedule?#what's the deal with that how do I deal with it#I'm already scared of napping but there's no way I could stay up since 4am all day#tutext
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Hello from the depths!
Hi hi hi. I'm still kicking! Here's an update, from me to you:
I plan on being more active on here in the near future, as some fun stuff has been happening with me that has given me some more free time! First: time abroad for work is, as far as I know, wrapped up for the forceable future. Maybe one day you'll hear about my time in Europe (if 4CL gives me clearance to disclose :P - some of it was pretty silly + goofy, a lot of it was having an atrocious sleep schedule, missing my cat, and getting into my normal amount of trouble). Maybe I'll check with my boss and see if I can pass field notes? Could be big. Second: I graduated! Managing Fourcast time and school time was not easy at all, but now that the latter is wrapped up I will have more time for stuff that's not the Lab, which I desperately need. There are a lot of things I want to get back into the swing of (after I catch up on sleep), especially in terms of having something to focus my creative energy on; one thing is this page, making my little weird collages and all, but I have my little personal projects to keep myself entertained.
I've been running a (at best, semi-annual) DND campaign with some friends that I will hopefully be able to put more time into in terms of writing/planning/playing (I am the forever DM of my friendgroup, which has its pros and cons :,) ). I have also been incredibly tempted to get back into fanfiction writing lelelel - writing has kind of always been in my life, but it had to take a backburner these last few years and I've missed it, so being cringe but free may help me scratch that itch. Technically this is a personal blog so 4Cast couldn't stop me from posting fanfiction here, but if you're from the Lab and you're seeing this: you're not allowed to read my fanfiction. But who knows, maybe that will happen, maybe not? Maybe at the depths of a hyperfixation I'll be possessed to throw something out there.
But that's pretty much it :) happy pride month being queer rules ok bye now talk later yep sounds good ok bye
#you can't get rid of me bitch!!#4cl#fourcastlab#fourcast#Last week and a half or so I've had dreams about being at work which probably isn't a good indicator for my current work-life balance :///#need to cure this by writing old man yaoi STAT#I guess I've also been watching a lot of anime recently?#which is strange because im notoriously bad at watching anything#guess that's free time baybee#been watching dungeon meshi#and rewatched the og naruto with a friend of mine who has never seen it#(it has literally taken probably over a year for us to finish the original run together)#(we've been skipping fillers and everything)#(our personal schedules have just been miserable)#(nowhere NEAR enough time to watch naruto)#I miss the trains in Europe :/
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