#i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 The Three-Month Rule.

Spencer Reid x BAU!reader

Summary: The first time you decide to skip the celebration and go to bed early, and the first time Spencer decides to drink and open his heart to you after knowing you're leaving for three months.

Words: 5,5k (very long).

TW: fem!reader. spencer from the first seasons with glasses meow (my fav)+also he is a little drunk and lovesick puppy. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: These two are probably one of my favorites, this felt so warm to write and before you ask, yep, I've been thinking about a part two (maybe even more, who knows).

♡ Enjoy! ♡

I. Moonlight ⏾

The night after closing a case with a positive outcome often involved celebratory drinks and lengthy discussions about everyday topics. For you and your colleagues, it was a rare opportunity for relaxation. It was a way to temporarily distance yourselves from the challenging situations you had encountered. A great way to relieve stress.

Typically, you would choose to remain in the chair situated in the center of the bar and sip your drink at a leisurely pace, allowing it to last all night as you chatted and shared lighthearted banter about various topics, though you would never discuss work. You were always smiling, as if nothing unfortunate had ever happened. And you always looked beautiful, so distant and impossible to catch.

Spencer always looked at you, biting his tongue to keep from sputtering out all the words that struggled to come out every time his eyes fell on yours. He didn't even take a sip of the drinks that were offered to him. As a rule, he didn't drink alcohol at all, and he liked it even less when he knew it could affect how he saw you. So clearly. So real. As if you were the most amazing work of art he'd ever seen, even if he wasn't very familiar with art.

Tonight, sadly, everything was different.

He had not been able to indulge in that particular pleasure of admiring you because you had chosen to return to your room rather than stay with the rest of the team at the hotel bar. It was a lie to say that it had not caught his attention. You had always stayed, even for a glass of water. But now you were...away from everyone. And then he was too.

The time passed rather quickly after he had a couple of sips of different fruity cocktails, which he didn't think would have any effect. Spencer was very mistaken. He found himself walking to the elevator before he had a chance to think things through. It didn't take him long to reach your hotel room. His footsteps were soft but urgent enough to go to the outside of the door. He just wanted to see you, needed to see you, and was already anxious about the reason why he wasn't allowed to do it now.

His knuckles knocked softly on your door with a certain caution, as quietly as possible, but just loud enough for you to hear, as he did his best to keep everyone else from hearing it as well. His hair was slightly disheveled, his glasses were out of place, and the top buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, revealing a glimpse of his collarbones underneath.

“It's me. Reid.” He spoke just loud enough to be heard through the door, his voice slightly raspy but still as soft as ever. “Can I talk to you?”

The sound of his call echoed too loudly inside the empty hotel room. Everything in the place was silent, still, with no lights or air conditioning. The room was almost dark, except for the streaks of city lights filtering through the curtains that ran over the large windows. You had been lying quietly and staring at the ceiling for no more than a minute and thirty seconds, your eyes blank and fixed on the ceiling after waking up so suddenly.

You gradually rose to a seated position and proceeded to the door. Without hesitation, you opened it to find his eyes filled with concern.

“Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Your voice was a little hoarse, and your eyes were still adjusting to the bright light in the hallway.

“I'm fine,” he replied, barely looking at your appearance. Your hair was a mess, and you looked sleepy. He hadn't realized how late it was. “Oh, sorry, did I wake you?”

Yes, of course. It was two o'clock in the morning.

You couldn’t hide the frown of confusion. It was late—far too late for a casual check-in—and yet here he was, standing before you with an air of unease that was so unlike him. “Don’t worry. What’s up?” You asked, leaning against the doorframe, trying to mask your concern.

Thousands of ideas crossed your mind at that moment. Maybe there was a new case, some new clue that would have reopened the four-day investigation that had just ended a few hours ago, or who knows what. The job was as unpredictable as your coworkers.

“I…” Reid’s words faltered before he even began, as if his thoughts were racing far ahead of him. His eyes flitted between you and the hallway, but he couldn’t seem to find the courage to make sense of his feelings, let alone speak them aloud. The alcohol was doing little to help his clarity of thought. It had been a few small sips; he had convinced himself, but now it was doing its work on his resolve. He was here. And he couldn’t walk away. “I was just…that.”

That's when you noticed something: he seemed a little off-balance, with a subtle flush on his cheeks and a lingering smell of alcohol. “Are you under the influence of alcohol, Dr. Reid?”

Oh. Oh. Oh.

If he was surprised to see you so sleepy, he got even more surprised by that question and by how close you've gotten to him. His eyes slightly widened at the close proximity between you both, his mouth slightly agape, and his brain almost completely frozen for a moment, before he shook his head quickly as an attempt to pull himself together. He cleared his throat before speaking, his words stumbling and incoherent.

“What? No, no, I’m not drunk.” He stammered, shaking his head as though trying to convince himself. “I just took a sip.”

Just a sip, two or three, after mentally rereading that ridiculous article about love he had read in one of the magazines in the lobby. The one that made him think about you and how you made him feel, the same one that revolutionized his emotions and his rational part to the point that he drank out of the wrong glass all night long.

“I see.”

Your gaze seemed to linger on his disheveled hair, unbuttoned shirt, mismatched glasses, and the subtle hint of color in his cheeks. You arched an eyebrow in response and took a small step forward to examine his face more closely. This was a version of him you were not entirely familiar with because Spencer Reid wasn’t a drinker.

“You seem a little nervous and flushed. Are you sure you're not drunk?” You asked with concern, noticing his demeanor.

Reid had to suppress a shiver when you moved even closer, nearly reducing his entire nervous system to a puddle of goo. He was incredibly aware of your proximity, like his brain had suddenly become hyperfocused on your existence and every move you made.

“Ah…y-yes, I'm s-sure I’m not-” He stuttered the words, feeling like a complete mess of nerves.

Something feels wrong…different.

You stepped forward, your eyes narrowing in on him, still uncertain but unwilling to leave him in such an odd state. “You’re sweating,” you observed quietly. “Come in. Sit on the bed. I have water.”

Without giving him the chance to refuse, you turned and walked into the room, leaving the door open for him to follow. He didn't even have a chance to react before he found himself inside your room, feeling like he was in a whole different world. Even though he was familiar with the space, as his room was exactly the same, somehow yours felt more comfortable and cozy.

Spencer followed you to the bedside table, still feeling a bit shaky. The scent of your perfume and the quiet of the room made him a bit nervous, but before he could say anything, you offered him a glass.

“Thanks.” He said, taking the water and sitting on the edge of the bed.

As he sat down, the bed sagged slightly under his weight, and he felt a surge of nervousness. Being alone with you in your hotel room suddenly felt incredibly intimate, and he found himself taking small sips of water to keep himself grounded. The drink was refreshing, but it didn't do much to calm the pounding of his heart in his chest. He avoided looking at your figure standing in front of him, focusing instead on the glass in his hands, fidgeting and nervously bouncing his leg.

“Okay, I have to ask now. You showed up at my door out of nowhere, looking like you'd just run a marathon, flushed like a tomato, and reeking of alcohol to boot.” You said, sitting down on the bed next to him. “So what brings you exactly here?” Your voice seemed to ring in his ears.

You. Only you. Forever you.

“I, uh, I came here to...I came here to...talk. I wanted to talk.” He managed to stammer, his eyes fixed on the glass of water.

“To...talk?” You repeated, your voice bringing back his attention. He suddenly felt tongue-tied, like he forgot everything he wanted to say right then and there. “About what?”

You, again.

Reid fiddled nervously, bouncing his leg up and down, and he suddenly felt the urge to pull at his shirt, feeling his skin too warm and overheating under his clothes. Why did it suddenly feel so hot in there, in your hotel room? He found himself unable to maintain eye contact again, but this time he found bravery in the depths of his mind and he managed to speak.

“I, uh…” He paused for a moment, his words becoming shaky. “I just...I just wanted to talk about you.”

Your eyes widened slightly, not expecting that answer. But before you could say anything, Spencer spoke again as his thoughts burst out unfiltered.

“You’ve been quiet. I mean, since the case, and you left the bar early. You’ve been...different, sort of...I mean, not different-” His stammering was cut off by a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. He was rambling, and he knew it; he could feel how warm he was under the heat of your gaze, but he couldn’t stop his words from coming out. “I heard about the job offer in New York that you've accepted.”

In that moment, you frowned, confused by the drama that perhaps the influence of alcohol in his system was bringing. The job offer was more of an internship than anything else, something temporary, just for three months, not a permanent change of scenery. But for some reason, hearing his words made your heart sink.

You hadn't really expected anyone on the team to be so affected by your leaving for a while; everyone seemed too wrapped up in their own business to wish you anything more than a good trip. After all, the world didn't stop spinning, and serial killers didn't stop killing because you weren't around. You didn't consider yourself that indispensable.

“I just, I don't know...” He mumbled, rubbing his face again, tired of his own thoughts. “I just...I feel like...I might miss you a lot.”

His eyes closed for a split second in fear, but then he looked at you and saw that you were smiling.

“You really drank quite a lot today.” Your tone was gentle as you carefully adjusted his glasses and took the empty glass from his hands. He hadn't even noticed that he had already finished all the water.

The feeling of your fingers on his glasses made his brain buzz for a moment, and he found himself wishing it would last for just a few seconds more. But then the glass was gone, and he was left there fidgeting with his hands.

“I know.” He muttered weakly, feeling the heat and alcohol taking a toll on him. His mind felt foggy, his thoughts swirling around and getting more tangled by the second. “But that’s besides the point.”

“Spencer, you’re being impulsive and emotional.” You said it bluntly, leaning forward slightly. “You were drinking earlier; you're all sweaty, and you're rambling. That's what alcohol does to you…you get overly reactive.”

His gaze shifted to the floor, his fingers gripping the edge of the bed as he let out a shaky breath. “Maybe you’re right,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe I am being impulsive and stupid, but…it doesn’t make it any less true.”

The weight of his words hung in the air between you. There was a vulnerability in his tone that caught you off guard, like he was peeling back layers you hadn’t seen before. You studied him for a moment—the disheveled hair, the flushed cheeks, the way his shoulders slumped slightly under some invisible weight. This wasn’t the person you were used to—the analytical, composed genius who always seemed to have an answer for everything. This was someone raw, someone caught between logic and emotion, struggling to make sense of it all.

“I’m sure you’re incapable of being stupid,” you offered lightly, your tone tinged with a gentle tease, hoping to pull him back from the edge of his spiraling thoughts.

His head lifted, and his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that took your breath away. “I think I love you,” he said, the words tumbling out in a single breath, unpolished but heavy with sincerity.

Your heart stopped for a beat, your breath catching in your throat. “Oh.”

His confession hung in the air, electrifying the space between you. For a moment, neither of you moved, the words settling like a weight in the room. Spencer’s eyes widened slightly, as if realizing the enormity of what he’d just said, but there was no taking it back now. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he awaited your response, his vulnerability laid bare.

“You can be stupid, then.” You say it in a kind of joking tone, trying to process.

Does he love you? The same person you were afraid to touch so much for fear of making him uncomfortable. The same one who looked at you funny when you tried to fall asleep on the jet after drinking too much tea and said incoherent things. The one who always questioned your words with his statistics and exact data. Does he really love you? Can he do it?

It was impossible. Completely impossible.

“You’re a little too drunk to be saying things like that now,” you added gently, a note of concern creeping into your voice.

Carefully, you stood up, moving closer to him, your heart softening as you saw the way his fingers gripped the bed. He looked like he was already treading on the edge of something, but you weren’t sure he was in the right state to navigate it.

His brows furrowed slightly, a conflicted look crossing his face. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, though his words slurred slightly, and his eyes seemed unfocused. He shifted slightly but his balance was off, and his hand wavered as he reached for the glass that had once held water, only to stop and let it fall back onto the bedside table.

“No, you’re not,” you said softly, taking a step closer and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. His warmth was comforting, but it only made you more aware of how fragile he seemed at that moment. “You’re exhausted, and you’ve had too much to drink. You need rest.”

He tried to look at you, his gaze unfocused and blurry. “I don’t want to sleep…not yet. I want to…I want to stay awake with you.” His voice faltered, as if the words were fighting to stay coherent. “Forever with you.”

Did you hear that right? He said…? Really?

“You’re not going to stay awake all night,” you say, talking firmly but kindly. You could see the drunkenness in his eyes, and you knew he needed more than just a glass of water or a few minutes to collect his thoughts. “And you’re staying here for sleep.”

His lips parted in confusion, but you didn't give him a chance to argue. You led him to the bed, supporting him as he swayed slightly. He was too drunk to protest in that moment. Then, you helped him lie down, adjusting the pillows behind him so that he was comfortable. And you also took the time to remove his glasses and shoes, placing them on the bedside table and the floor.

“I’m fine,” he murmured again, but this time it was barely audible, and his eyes were fluttering closed as he relaxed into the bed, his breath evening out. He was fighting sleep, but the weight of his exhaustion was too much for him to push back any longer.

After a brief period of reflection, you sit on the edge of the bed and observe him as he moves slightly. His face appears relaxed, and the tension from before seems to have dissipated. However, there is still a subtle vulnerability in his demeanor: open, unprotected, and exposed in a way you had never seen him before. This only serves to deepen your desire to care for him.

You gently reached over, tucking the covers around him and brushing a lock of hair away from his forehead. “You’re too drunk to be making big decisions tonight, genius,” you whispered softly.

His eyelids fluttered open for a moment, his bleary eyes locking onto yours with a faint sense of clarity. “I didn’t…mean to make you uncomfortable,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. “I care about you.”

A small smile appeared on your face, your heart aching as you brushed another strand of hair from his forehead. “I know,” you whispered.

His hand reached up weakly, grazing your wrist before falling back to the bed. He blinked a few times, his words coming slower now, as though the weight of sleep was already pulling him under. “I care about you so much,” he repeated, his voice quieter this time, as though he were fading away in the middle of his confession.

You let out a gentle sigh, your thumb brushing his knuckles in a soothing gesture. “I care about you too,” you said, your voice calm but filled with warmth, though you kept your tone soft to keep him relaxed. “But right now, you just need to rest. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about all of this, okay?”

Spencer nodded weakly, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Okay...” He murmured, his breathing muffled even more as his body relaxed on the bed and his gaze rested on you, on every feature of your face. “I think you're very pretty, and not just physically by genetics...you're very, very pretty. I could look at you forever, even if, technically, forever doesn't exist for humans.”

At any moment, your heart would leap out of your chest, or you'd probably vomit butterflies. It was too much sweetness in a Spencer way.

You remained by his side, sitting on the edge, keeping watch over him for a few moments. It felt strange, being so close to him in this way. You hadn’t expected this moment, hadn’t expected his confession.

But for tonight, all you could do was let him rest and let him find peace in his sleep. You brushed one last strand of hair away from his face, then, with a soft sigh, you stood and pulled the blankets up around him.

The silence of the room enveloped you as you settled into bed, careful not to disturb him. You remained seated for a moment, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, his features softened by sleep. In the darkness, Spencer seemed different, more fragile, more human. His usual confidence in every word that came out of his mouth, the brilliant mind that made him so formidable, gave way to something more tender.

You cautiously stretched out your legs and leaned against the headboard. Sleep still seemed a long way off, even though the fatigue of the long case closed in the afternoon weighed heavily on your body. But your thoughts refused to calm down and leave you alone for a moment. His confession kept repeating in your mind, driving you and your heart crazy.

Not knowing what else to do, you let out a long, slow sigh, your fingers brushing the edge of the blanket wrapped around him. He stirred slightly, moving closer to your side as if subconsciously seeking your comfort and closeness. He tilted his head in your direction, a faint smile on his lips, and the sight brought a pang to your chest.

“What am I going to do about you, Spencer Reid?” You murmured to yourself, with a curious sensation in your chest.

You leaned your head back, staring at the ceiling as the questions began to tumble one after another. What if he hadn’t been drinking? Would he still have said those things? Did he even fully realize the gravity of what he’d shared, or was it just a moment of emotional release brought on by the late hour and the relief of a solved case?

And then there was your own reaction. The warmth in your chest, the protectiveness that surged when you saw him looking so vulnerable—it wasn’t new. You’d felt it before in smaller ways: a fleeting moment of connection during a case, a shared glance that lingered just a little too long. You’d always chalked it up to admiration or friendship, but now…

Now it felt like the beginning of a bridge you weren’t sure you were ready to cross.

Another sigh escaped you, and you tilted your head to glance at him again. His hand had slipped out from beneath the blanket, resting loosely against the mattress. Without thinking, you reached out and let your fingers brush against his, barely touching. His skin was warm, his presence grounding in a way you didn’t quite understand but didn’t want to question.

II. Sunlight ☀︎

The first thing you noticed when you woke was the soft warmth of sunlight spilling through the blinds, bathing the room in a quiet, golden glow. It was a still moment, the world outside almost silent, save for the faint hum of traffic far below. For a second, you weren’t sure where you were. The unfamiliar bed, the softness of the sheets, the absence of noise..it all felt distant, like a dream you couldn’t quite grasp.

But then you felt it, a slight weight on your arm. You turned your head slowly, your eyes softening as you took in the sight of Spencer still asleep beside you. His face was turned towards you, half-hidden by the pillow, a lock of hair falling over his forehead. His hand lay just a breath away from yours; his body curled slightly, seeking warmth and comfort. The usual lines of stress and guardedness that creased his features during the day were gone, replaced by a peace you rarely saw. He looked unguarded, almost childlike in his vulnerability, and it made your chest tighten in a way you couldn’t explain.

For a moment, you just watched him, your mind replaying the events of the night before. Especially the way he’d reached for your hand, even in his half-conscious state, like it was instinctive and natural.

And now, here you were, lying next to him, watching him sleep like it was normal and meant to be.

You shifted your position slightly, being careful not to disturb him, and sat up, propping yourself up on your elbow. The room was silent, except for the faint hum of traffic. That stolen morning moment felt intimate to you, and you found yourself wondering how much Spencer would remember when he woke up.

Would you regret it? Would you want to go back and erase it all? Would he stop talking to you forever?

But then, it was almost as if he was meant to give you all those answers because he stirred. His hand moved, his breathing changed, and slowly but surely, his eyes opened. At first, Reid was dull and unfocused as he blinked in the morning light, feeling a sharp headache. Then, as he realized where he was, you saw his expression change: confusion, a flash of concern, and finally recognition.

“Morning,” you said softly, trying not to startle him.

He blinked again and frowned, feeling a twinge in his head. “Morning,” he replied, his voice groggy. He glanced around the room, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, the tangled blankets, and then you.

You were sitting on the bed next to him—the first thing he saw when he woke up and the first person to greet him. It was just like the kind of dream he'd been having lately—only this time he wasn't asleep.

A brief silence fell as the pieces seemed to click into place in his mind. His lips parted slightly, his eyes widening just a fraction. “Wait,” he murmured, his voice low, almost hesitant. “Last night…”

You gave him a small, reassuring smile, though your heart was racing, unsure of what he might remember, or worse, what he might regret. “You remember?” you asked, your voice quiet but steady.

His hand came up to rub his forehead, trying to shake the lingering fog of sleep. “I think so,” he said slowly. “We finished the case. We went to the bar.” His voice faltered, and his eyes dropped to the bed, as though searching for something solid in the scattered blankets to steady him. “I came here and said…some things, didn’t I?” His words hung in the air, filled with hesitation and a growing sense of discomfort. His cheeks flush, and he quickly looked away from you, almost embarrassed.

You tilted your head, your smile softening. “You said a lot of things.”

Spencer’s cheeks deepened in color, his hand dragging down his face as if that could somehow shield him from the weight of the moment. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have…I didn’t mean to put you in that position.”

You frowned, leaning forward slightly. “You don’t have to apologize. Not for talking to me.”

His eyes flicked to yours, searching your face for any hint of reproach or discomfort, but all he found was warmth. Still, he hesitated, his fingers playing nervously with the edge of the blanket. “I was drunk, and that’s so embarrassing,” he murmured, his tone tinged with self-reproach. “I don’t even know if what I said came out right.”

“It came out right,” you assured him gently, reaching out to cover his fidgeting hand with yours. The touch stilled him, his wide, uncertain eyes locking onto yours. “And it was just the alcohol talking…I know, don’t worry.”

He stared at your hand covering his, his throat working as if trying to form the right words. He didn’t pull away; if anything, he seemed to steady himself in your touch, though his voice wavered when he finally spoke. “It wasn’t just the alcohol,” he said, his tone quiet but firm. “I don’t want you to think that it made me say something I didn’t mean. Everything I said was true.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the vulnerability in his eyes made the words catch in your throat. He held your gaze, his fingers unconsciously brushing against yours as though grounding himself in the moment.

“I’ve felt this way for a while,” he continued, his cheeks still faintly pink but his voice growing steadier with each word. “I didn’t know how to tell you. And then last night, I guess…I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”

His honesty was like a punch to the chest, leaving you breathless and unsure of how to respond. You hadn’t expected this level of candor, not so soon, and certainly not first thing in the morning. You pulled your hand back gently, needing space to think, though the warmth of his touch lingered like an echo.

He really meant every word.

“Spencer,” you began, your voice cracking. You bit your lip, searching for the right words. “I don't know what to say. It was all so sweet and nice to hear, but I'm not sure I'm ready to find out what this means, especially not with–”

“The distance,” he finished for you, his voice soft but resigned. He looked down, nodding slightly as though he’d anticipated this. “You’re leaving for New York soon.”

You exhaled slowly, relieved that he understood but also pained by the way his shoulders seemed to slump ever so slightly. “It’s just three months,” you said gently, though the words felt hollow.

“I know, since I found out I did the math, and it's three months and four days.” He pointed out, almost not noticing that your cheeks had flushed slightly. “What I need to know is if you...if you have feelings for me, as more than friends.”

“Yes, I do.”

At that moment, it seemed that after almost a year of hiding his heartbeat for your sake, he could finally let his heart beat as much as he wanted.

But then you talk again.

“But it’s not fair to either of us to make any big decisions now, when I have to leave soon. I don’t want to risk ruining what we already have if we…if something doesn’t work.”

He looked at you, his expression serious. “But what if it works well?” Reid asked, his voice barely above a whisper. There was no despair in his tone, only quiet hope. “What if it's so much better that we have between us now? Isn’t that worth the risk?”

His question settled between you, heavy and unanswerable in the moment. It wasn’t desperate or pleading—it was simply Spencer, laying his heart bare with a quiet hope that made your chest ache.

“I'm not sure,” you replied, your expression thoughtful. “Three months is a significant amount of time,” you added, striving to acknowledge his feelings while maintaining a degree of caution.

“I can wait if it's for you. I can.” He replied without hesitation.

The unwavering certainty in his voice and the calm patience he offered you were more than you expected. Perhaps even more than you thought you deserved.

“You shouldn’t have to wait for me,” you said softly, your gaze falling to the sheets. “It’s not fair to ask that of you.”

Spencer shook his head, a faint smile playing on his lips. “You didn’t ask,” he replied gently. “This is my choice.”

“What if the distance changes things? What if we lose this…connection?” you asked, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” he said, his voice steady but kind. “Like I said, it’s not like I haven’t done the math before. Three months isn’t forever, and if what we feel is real, then it won’t fade.”

In that moment, it was like a light bulb went off in your head, and the perfect solution just came to you.

“Exactly.” You pointed out with a small smile. “You know the three-month rule?”

Never before had you seen Dr. Reid confused, denying knowledge of any subject. It was as if the alcohol of the night before had caused a circuit breaker in his brain, or else you had no explanation for having to explain something he didn't know, and you did.

“A few weeks ago, I was drinking coffee and overheard a woman at the next table talking about how the first three months between two persons are enough to indicate whether they have a future or not.” You began to explain quickly, feeling a bit strange at how the usual roles between you seemed to have been turned upside down. “You know, if they're going to make it as a couple.”

Spencer’s brow furrowed, his lips pressing into a thin line as he considered your words. “You mean…is like a trial period?” he asked, a hint of doubt in his voice.

You nodded, feeling a flicker of nervous energy coursing through your entire body. “Yes, that's exactly it. So we don't have to put a label on it right away or rush into it. But we could call, text, talk, maybe visit...just see how it feels. And when I officially come back, we'll know if it's something we really want to pursue.”

He was silent for a moment, his eyes studying yours as though weighing the sincerity in your suggestion.

“Okay,” he said, his voice soft but resolve. “Three months. We’ll figure this out.”

Relief flooded you, though it was tempered by the uncertainty of what lay ahead. “Three months,” you repeated, a faint smile tugging at your lips. “And we’ll talk. Be honest. No expectations and the assurance that we can be friends again if we want.”

Spencer’s smile grew a fraction, and this time, when his hand reached for yours, it was deliberate. “Honesty,” he echoed, his thumb brushing lightly against your knuckles. “I can do that.”

For the first time that morning, the tension between you eased, replaced by a fragile but undeniable sense of hope. It wasn't a resolution, not quite, but it was a step forward, a promise to try. And for now, that was more than enough.

Because night before, you'd gone to bed early, thinking you didn't have much of a future at the BAU. But now you had Spencer with you in a way you'd never thought possible, and everything feels right.

[whentherewerebicycles]

question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol

[eupheme]

Your best friend Wade who always jokingly flirts with you the way he flirts with everyone - and you hate it because you have a real genuine crush on him and the flirting doesn’t mean anything… does it? It has to take a mutual friend to be like “oh my god he’s in love with you and doesn’t know how to tell you, so that’s why he’s always joking about boners” (please and thank u ilu 😌)

omg avo this kicked my ass, the amount of pining for Wade as he (jokingly, you think) flirts with you would be off the charts 🥲💖 I wrote a little drabble with how that might go, I love you and your ideas - thanks so much for sending this to me!!!

— cause every time we touch (i get this feeling)

best friend!wade wilson x mutant!reader

<1k | flirting, dirty jokes, heaps of pining

Blow job. Leg Spreader. Slippery Nipple. Liquid Viagra. Sex on the Pool Table. Pink Silk Panties.

Each time Wade comes into Sister Margaret’s - which is four or five times a week - he asks for dirtier and more obscure drinks.

"Wishful thinking", he tells you, each time.

Even with the roll of your eyes, you have to admit that it keeps you on your toes. That you look forward to seeing your best friend so often - tamping down the jolt in your belly, night after night.

Reminding yourself that yes, he got you this job, but he's not here to see you.

That this always was his spot.

It had been an easy sell. Used to working overnight shifts - security, back then. After the disaster with Weasel, they had been desperate for a replacement. Wade had come to you immediately, dropping to his knees as you opened the door.

Winning you over with a "you could literally get paid to hang out with me. How is this not a win-win-win? How is this not your dream job?"

And here, you didn't have to hide what or who you were. Reading feelings and intent were a bonus, when a handshake could tell you everything you needed to know. Their feelings spilled as easily as they were written, when you were negotiating contracts.

It also helped in-house. A human lie detector. Able to break up fights, settle arguments. A party trick, when things got slow. The regulars trying to get things past you - tales based in truth spun tall, seeing when you'd catch them.

Wade never plays, but you think that's because you know him so well.

And what seems like a sell, quickly evolves into more. Warping, as days pass. Spending more time with a crush sounds tempting, on paper.

The reality is something else.

Yes, there is a seat saved for him at the bar. Literally saved - his name scrawled across the vinyl, and you still haven't been able to scrub it out. Stopping by at all hours to chit chat.

Teasing you - how he's "so glad he doesn't have to stalk you at your old job anymore". An over-the-top sigh about being relieved that you're safe now - in your new job, surrounded by mercs.

Begging for the best job. Puppy-dog eyes. Fake coupons for favors that would make a sinner blush. Crossing his heart that you could have anything, and he means anything you wanted, if he could only get "that thing involving the murder clowns".

It's enough to make you hope.

Later, at home - in the early hours as you're pulled under. Replaying his comments. The filthy jokes and the shameless flirting - wondering if that's all they were.

Wondering if he'd be waiting for you tomorrow, perched on his stool.

But there's the downfall.

You see him - but you also see him with everyone else.

The charming smiles. Head thrown back in a laugh as he works the room. A friend to all, and as you watch him - perched on the knee of a goddess of mercenary as he yaps away, you can't help the swift current of jealousy.

Of foolishness.

It's enough that you're almost regretting agreeing.

Your mood is sullen, as you wipe down glasses. Trying to ignore the ache when you see him flirt. That realization that the something special you thought he had with you, might just be a part of his personality.

And when Dopinder shuffles from the back with more ice for the chiller behind the bar, it only takes one look at you before he's sighing.

"Not again. Please, I am begging you. I cannot take more of your yearning.”

Your lips quirk. Hadn't realized you'd become that obvious. He'd become your go-to, in the long hours you spend together behind the bar. Pinkie-promising not to say a word - but you always thought you'd had a decent handle on your expressions.

"We don't have to talk about it." Your hands raise, placating, "Just let me yearn in peace. I'll get over it."

"You know that almost half of what DP makes a month is funneled back in here, right?" He gives you a long look, "Before you, I saw him once a week. I had to beg him to come get his paycheck."

Doubt still lingers.

"Doesn't mean anything," You shrug - eyes dropping, as you help him restock.

"You do not think Mr. Pool worships the ground you walk on?"

The intensity of his question has you side-eying him, "I mean... I don't think he sees me that way. He acts the same with me as he does with everyone."

“Sure.” He huffs, leaning against the bartop, just as Wade plunks down in the seat in front of you.

“God, I haven’t been over here in like-,” Wade checks a fake watch, “Fifteen minutes? Feels like longer. Felt like a fucking hour.”

Pivoting back and forth on the stool as he adds, “Is it possible for people to get separation anxiety? Or is that just dogs? Is this how Dogpool feels when I’m gone?”

You just manage to catch the last bit, as Dopinder slips away.

“Exactly the same.”

Tonight, Wade is the first person that sits down in front of you for the game.

A frown, as you peel off your gloves - your barrier, to the outside world.

His own already bare - sliding back-and-forth over his suit-clad thighs. You'd mistake it for nerves, if you weren't so sure Wade had never been nervous in his life.

"What's your story, Wilson?" You ask, "Hope you brought something good."

"Oh, it's a whopper. A real fucking doozy. Apparently, you're not gonna believe it. " His laugh is a little too loud, and your eyes narrow, "But let's give it a whirl, okay?"

There's a flicker, behind the bar. A sideways look towards the bar, where Dopinder's hands cover his face. You don't need to touch him to read the guilt written across his features - the way he almost flinches, under your glare.

You're going to fucking kill him.

The sound of your name brings you back.

“Ready to play?”

Wade's hands rest face-up on the table - an offering. For once in his life he almost looks serious, and it’s enough to bring you back.

A breath - before you align your own. Letting them drop down, skin mapping against skin for the first time.

It floods through you.

The lick of heat that almost feels like a caress. A deep yearn that causes your own heart to twinge, layering with the feeling of need. Desire. Want.

It's familiar. It mirrors something deep inside, something that’s become as much a part of you as flesh and bone.

Oh.

A laugh slips from you, breaking the beat of silence. Relief tinged with disbelief - your smile stretching wide.

“Yeah?” You breathe, softening.

“Yeah.” He laughs, “Thought I was being obvious. But you are pound-cake dense, apparently.”

Hands flipping over, to entwine between yours. Letting that feeling inside him linger, settling warm and comforting over your bare skin.

“But I like that about you.” Another huff of a laugh, “Like all of you, really. Always have.”

It makes your heart ache. In a way that finally feels full, feels right - instead of the near-agony you’ve been bearing for weeks.

Only you could be such an idiot.

thanks for reading! 💖

[amazinglyashy]

Hi , I love your LADs works it fits the would be characters reactions according to their personality and I look forward to your work. Can I request a LADs men reaction to reader reading smut manga or BL smut , only if your comfortable with it. Thank you and All the best for your future endeavours 🥰

I have a tab I'm going through right now of a bunch of josei manga and then I open tumblr to this ask LMAO I feel personally attacked, so of course anon! Thank you for the sweet words, and for the request!

Love and Deepspace Li’s reactions to discovering you being an avid smut reader

Sylus -

He is such an evil person.

If he manages to find a physical copy that you own, he's going to read it and he's going to do it in his own time when he knows you'll be coming over soon. He times it just right where he'll be near the ending by the time you get there.

You walk in to him looking absolutely exquisite in reading glasses, a small smile on his lips as he leans back in his chair to ask you how your day has been- book in hand.

The embarrassment is real, even if you claim to not care about 'cringey' things and consuming them. Your love is sitting there with a smutty book in his hand and a knowing grin, and you can't help how hot your face is getting.

"You know, if you like something, you should just tell me, kitten."

Maybe he's referring to the contents of the book, maybe he's referring to your general enjoyment of the genre, you can't tell. He does mean both, though. He would buy you a library worth of smutty books if it made you happy, and he would get all the needed supplies to commit the same acts the characters do for you the next time the two of you have a session.

"Did you really think I'd be upset by something like this, sweetie? You're cute. I'm glad you found something you enjoy. In the future though, don't keep secrets from me. I want to know about you. Everything, about you."

Rafayel -

He will come up behind you to ask you something, and realize that you can't hear him due to being engrossed or having headphones in. He doesn't mean to snoop, but your screen is on display for him, and you don't know he's there.

Oh, he's so happy he decided to try and ask you something.

By the time you realize he's behind you, it's too late, and attempting to shut off your phone proves unsuccessful because he's already giggling.

"How much did you see?!"

"Not much."

"Liar!"

And you're right, because after a moment of silence, he will proceed to recite the last page you had been reading, ducking out of the way as you jump up, your face reddening, as you chase him around the room.

He doesn't care in the slightest. In fact, he will absolutely surprise you with shipping merch from whatever it is you've been reading, and remind you when new chapters are about to drop in case you forget due to stress at work.

Rafayel will also ask you how certain characters are doing, or how certain relationships are coming along. If you enjoyed watching soap operas, he's absolutely the one to watch over your shoulder and ask you questions to catch up.

He still makes rude quips here and there, but you know he doesn't mean anything by it, and the involvement is strangely comforting.

Zayne -

He's known for a long time. Benefits of knowing you when the two of you were younger, he has a pretty good read on the things you might or might not enjoy without needing an explicit answer.

That, and you left a doujinshi on his coffee table once after you used his spare key to break into his home to clean and surprise him with dinner after you had gotten off of work surprisingly early.

No, he won't let you live it down.

He will find a way to calmly bring it up in the most absurd and unnecessary situations. It's his own little running joke that makes you so adorably frustrated, he can't help but continue it.

He'll find other ways to tease you about it, much like how you occasionally tease him over his sweet tooth despite you loving snacks just as much as he does.

Sometimes though, he likes to throw you through a little bit of a loop.

"But also, if there is any content in what you've been reading that you believe you would enjoy, please don't hesitate to let me know."

"I enjoy all of it, that's why I read it, Zayne."

"I assume you misunderstood me, so allow me to restructure my sentence. If there's anything in what you've been reading that you would like done to you, I would like to know. I would love to do those things to you, whatever they might be."

Xavier -

He has purchased you some of these books and ebooks.

Probably the Li that would know the soonest out of all four of them aside from Zayne, just because he kind of just... assumed, much to your own mortification when he told you this fact months ago.

He doesn't give a crap though, it's something you like. He doesn't see any difference between it and the claw machines, even though there is an extremely stark contrast between the two. He used to see no point to the claw machine games you'd love to play, but quickly saw the appeal when he got to play with you.

Maybe he can't share your enjoyment for this, but he does love sitting in the same room as you, reading together even if the two books being consumed are vastly different in content.

He just enjoys your company, it really doesn't matter to him what you both do, or in this case, enjoy during that time.

He thinks its really cute and endearing, especially if you reach a point in whatever you're reading that gets you squealing out loud. Because not only is it absolutely adorable to hear, it's also nice because he knows it means you're comfortable enough to react out loud to your reading, even if it's a rare occurrence.

It's nice to know you're relaxed around him, in every capacity.

[sttoru]

i think toji would definitely tease reader about her oral fixation… like he would take his c*ck out but won’t let reader suck it and shit lollllll

DO NOT TOUCH

sypnosis. toji decides to not let you have your way this time: no touching or sucking him off until he allows you to.

note. anon.. you’re sooo right, this started off as a drabble but it quickly turned into more than that mannnne toji fr got me in a chokehold istg, hope u enjoy though cus i added some more stuff + this is not proof read so excuse any bad grammar mwah

tags. dom!toji x female reader. age gap (reader early 20s, toji 30s), pwp, implied blow jobs, teasing, male masturbation, cum play, dirty talk, reader gets called ‘princess, little girl, doll,’ toji’s a real meanie :>

all you wanted was to give toji what he deserved after a long day at work: a good and stress-relieving blow job. you’ve always enjoyed pleasuring your lover since it gave you the satisfaction you longed for; to have his cock deep inside your mouth, sucking and slobbering all over it while his low groans and grunts filled the room.

and yet, there you were now, sitting on your knees in front of toji whose green eyes were glued to the television instead. there was a subtle, lopsided grin on his face as he acted like he didn’t seem to care about what you were needing to do.

that man knows how much you like to suck him off. you’d do it whenever toji gave you the chance—which was almost every other day. he can never say ‘no’ to your desperate begging and especially not if those pleas involve your nasty desires to satisfy him. it made you look kind of pathetic, but the good kind. the kind of pathetic that made toji’s cock swell in his pants.

on most days, he would let you get to work immediately and shove his cock all the way into your wet mouth, though today was different. toji stopped you mid-way before you could have any physical contact with his dick that was now on display—pre-cum just begging to get licked off.

toji told you to have some patience and let him finish the show he was watching. it wasn’t even a show he was interested in; he just used that excuse to tease you as you sat there, wiggling and squirming impatiently between his legs.

“toji, please?” you pout as you nudge his thick thigh, feeling the muscles tense up ever so slightly, “can i? please?”

“no is no, princess.” toji mutters absentmindedly, one of his hands starting to stroke his hard cock in deliberate movements, “let me watch my show and i’ll consider y’r offer afterwards, yeah?”

toji’s thumb slid over the tip, rubbing the slit a bit, spreading the leaking pre over the flesh while he continued to act like he was watching the boring show. truth be told, that man had been looking at you through his peripheral vision this entire time.

toji loved torturing you in such ways. it brings him the greatest of satisfaction since he’s able to witness how desperate you could get if he didn’t allow you to suck him off.

his elbow was propped against the back of the couch, head leaning on one hand while the other continued to touch his cock in painfully slow motions as if toji wanted to let you see every single detail— from how his cock twitched in his hand to the way his calloused fingers were gliding over the length.

“such a good little girl,” toji whispers in a low tone, eyes flickering down to look at you. you were so focused on his cock, mouth watering and eyes seemingly in a trance which you couldn’t break free from, “y’re patient, ain’t ya? i wonder if you can keep that up ‘til i finish.”

you shake your head twice and look up at toji with a pout, “wanna taste it, please? wanna have you cum down my throat.”

your dirty talk never fails to rile toji up, however the need to tease you overwhelmed his desires of letting you have your way. as much as toji wants to see you swallow all of his hot cum while your mouth was still stuffed full of his length, he also wants to see your yearning and powerless self.

“what if i don’t let ya?” toji mocks, using his free hand to lift your chin up, thumb rubbing over the skin so you could stare him, “what if i wanna cum on that pretty face of yours instead?”

his green orbs darkened a bit as the image of your cum-covered facial features flashed before his eyes. toji speeds up the pace and starts to jerk himself off even faster, wanting to make that imagination of his a reality. toji doesn’t care in the slightest that you were trying to sugarcoat him into letting you fulfill your own needs;

“mhm, but i wanna taste you.” you mumble as your gaze falls back down on toji’s fat cock, the tip swollen and the skin of it moving back and forth simultaneously with his hand motions.

toji simply grins at you. you were so insistent and demanding, yet also looked extremely submissive and powerless on your knees for him. it was cute to see you try and act like you were the one who orders him around.

“is that an indirect order that i hear, little girl?” toji hums in amusement as the fingers of his free hand brush over your lips, “i hope it isn’t, because i’ll do what i want.”

a small pause intensifies the tension between you two— the clash of desires visible in both of your lust-filled eyes. the older man licks his lips whilst scanning your appearance, his focus lingering on your small hands that were resting on his thighs, nails slightly digging into the skin to prevent them from reaching out to grab his dick and put it in your mouth.

toji would’ve never guessed that you’d be this needy for him when he met you a couple months ago. in his mind you were this younger, shy and innocent-looking girl that seemed like she didn’t have much experience in the sexual department. little did he know that the shyest people had the wildest thoughts.

“and what i want right now,” toji finally continues as he felt the pleasure building up to its peak, “is to cum on your face.”

protests were about to spill from your lips, however there was no time to do so as toji roughly held your face in place— grunting and groaning your name as his entire body tensed up to reach that release, “fuckkk— ‘m gonna cum whether ya like it or not.”

the moment you shut your eyes tightly, is also the moment it happens; you felt spurts of hot cum spill and coat your face entirely. the sticky fluid dribbled down your forehead, nose, cheeks and chin.

toji breathed heavily, chest heaving and dick still twitching as the long ropes of cum turn into small drops that trail down his length. and as expected: finishing all over your face was definitely worth it.

“lick it off, doll.” toji commands through a mean grin and you instantly do as told. you stick your tongue out, gather any cum that got on your lips and the corners of your mouth before using your finger to collect all that’s left over.

“that’s enough of a reward for ya.” the older man adds as he quickly grabs a tissue from the nearby coffee table to clean the mess between his legs—not even giving you one since the scene in front of him was too pretty to erase.

toji lifts his boxers back up, sighs in relief and focuses back on the television screen with a bored expression. you frown as you licked the last bits off your fingers and helplessly tug at toji’s boxers; a futile attempt to get his attention back. toji wasn’t going to give you any of it until he decides to.

and right now, all he cares about is catching small glimpses of your pretty, cum-covered face every now and then. your lover had zero intentions of allowing you to suck him off. in fact, he might even start masturbating to the sight of you once more, just to tease and drive you insane;

“how ‘bout i cum on your tits this time?”

maybe he’ll stuff your mouth full afterwards. just maybe.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

So, concept for a dark SBI au with that trope I mentioned about SBI literally 'humanizing' Techno.

All of SBI are superheroes. They work for the hero association.

Phil is the oldest on the team. He joined the hero association very early on, wanting to be part of something genuinely exciting and new. And he got to witness firsthand how the association started out with such good intentions, but quickly went the way of all operations that have government and money involved. Despite this, he stays on. Because he wants to make a difference.

Wilbur, his only son, followed in Phil's footsteps. He's a bit of a 'the ends justify the means' guy and does the hero work mostly because he thinks it's fun, but Phil is just proud his son is having a good time while also helping people.

Tommy, youngest on the team, is a real hero. He wants to save people. He's excitable and eager and quick on his feet, and was put in the team because he needs more experienced heroes to balance him out and learn.

And then there's Techno.

Techno is a little different, in that he never chose to become a hero willingly like the other three did. He was raised to be one (think baby experimented on by the association to give him powers, or perhaps just an orphan who was taken in by them when he showed potential). Techno doesn't mind being a hero, he's good at it. He has a strong sense of justice, he's competitive, he likes the hero work itself. It's just that being a hero is also all he's ever known.

The association raised him to be their strongest weapon, their greatest asset.

SBI is pretty insubordinate at times, and cut corners when it comes to the association's protocol. While they deliver good work they also like to do it their way. The association places Techno in their team as the fourth member, hoping that Techno's general sense of duty and calm-under-pressure attitude will do SBI some good.

They will come to regret this decision.

All four of them grow close, and over the span of a few years turn into more of a found family than coworkers. And as this happens, it becomes impossible for SBI not to notice how the association treats Techno differently. He's often pushed harder, and reprimanded worse when things do go wrong. He overworks himself and has been taught to never ask for help, preferring to deal with stuff by himself, even when injured or sick. He's stubborn as a mule too, so he'd never admit this was an issue. When Techno isn't working with them, he's either doing other stuff for the association or training. Techno has no life outside of hero work.

Techno does admit sometimes in conversation that there's other stuff he'd like to do. Maybe in another world where he does not have these powers, he'd be a history or English major. He'd like to try fencing, or gardening, or the violin. He'd read more.

But it is what it is.

SBI disagrees, and try to push Techno (unsuccessfully) into thinking about himself more. The more they start to see Techno as a person, the more it seems like the association doesn't.

Eventually, Phil even goes all the way to the top, complaining to the higher-ups about Techno's situation. They smile wryly, and suggest that maybe Phil has reached an age where hero work isn't for him anymore. He should take their offer of early retirement, before an incident happens and forces Phil to be dishonorably fired.

Phil is outraged, but he does take the offer because he has no choice. Wilbur and Tommy quit on the spot, equally pissed. They want to find Techno and convince him to do the same, but there's a small issue.

Techno doesn't have the same type of contract as them.

While SBI can leave, Techno can't. The hero association owns him in all ways that matter.

Obviously, the association is also quick to kick SBI out and cut off all contact. They tell Techno that Phil asked them to retire because he didn't want to be a hero anymore. And that Tommy and Wilbur chose to quit, not wanting to be on the same team as Techno without Phil around. Techno is very confused. Especially as not long after, SBI returns... as villains.

Now Techno feels confused AND betrayed.

Meanwhile, SBI will stop at nothing to get Techno back, even if it means gradually slipping further and further into villainy. They're completely disillusioned with the hero association anyway. Techno is strong, outpowering even all three of them. It takes a lot for them to finally kidnap Techno after several failed attempts. And when they do, Techno is going to fight them every step of the way. Not to mention the hero association is not going to let them take their treasured weapon easily.

Techno keeps insisting that they're in the wrong, that he'll get away from them, that being a hero is all he's good for, all he's made for. As long as he has these powers, he has an obligation to use them and be a hero.

SBI agrees.

As long as Techno has these powers, he will never be free. He'll never stop seeing them as a duty, and the association will never stop trying to take Techno from them.

Good thing that they've been working on a little something. A serum that will nullify Techno's powers forever. And then he doesn't have to worry about a thing anymore. SBI will take care of him.

Losing his powers is the only way Techno will be happy, even if he doesn't realize that himself.

As they prepare to inject him, they tell Techno what they're about to do. Techno is angry and horrified, and tells them that if they do this, he will never forgive them.

Phil just smiles and says that's a risk they're willing to take.

[wisteria-lodge]

And now for a HP fandom question - do you have any thoughts on queercoding in the series and if JKR ever actually intended it, and then backtracked, or if it was always completely unintentional? I'm thinking specifically about Lupin and Tonks (as individuals, not as a ship) Inspired by your post about the intention vs how fans perceived Draco Malfoy. Thanks!

So the first thing I want to do is make a distinction between femme-coding and queer-coding. They're tropes with very similar histories, and a lot of works treat them as the same thing. But Harry Potter doesn’t, and I think we can chalk this one up to JK Rowling’s habit of grabbing aesthetics and visuals without really thinking through the history behind them. 

(Like - the goblins. She says she didn’t mean to write an antisemitic thing, and I actually do believe her. But did she use a lot of tropes and images with a long history of being tied to antisemitism? yes.)

So when I say “femme” I mean giving a male character traits stereotypically associated with femininity. Heightened sensitivity/emotionality, an interest in hair, clothes and being attractive, a love of lace/pink/frills, a dislike of violence and physical confrontation, and a preference for the soft power of manipulation, character assassination and poison - versus the hard power of direct confrontation and physical prowess. Are these things super stereotypical? Yes. But they’re ALSO traits you see all the time on male villains, especially ones that you don’t want to seem that threatening. Femme-coded villains show up a lot in children’s media, or as the Big Bad’s #2. They’re not meant to be heroic or sympathetic (since all these feminine traits are not desirable, especially for guys.) But they also aren’t scary, and you can pretty much always play them for comedy. 

For example: see almost every male Disney villain. And JKR was writing children’s literature in the 90s, so of course she’s pulling from the same zeitgeist as the Disney Renaissance. 

JKR loves herself a femme villain. The absolute gold standard is of course Lockhart - who wears pink, wants to start his own line of hair care products, is self-centered, vain, obsessed with popularity… but he sucks in a fight. His entire MO involves manipulating people into thinking he has these traditional masculine qualities when he just doesn’t. But there’s also fussy, prissy Percy wearing his prefect badge on his pajamas. Bitchy, emotional mean-girl poisoners Draco and Snape (especially early book Snape - which is Snape at his most villainous.) Draco, Percy and Snape are also unusual for being male characters who we see crying for reasons other than grief (apparently the only truly acceptable reason for masculine crying). 

Lucius Malfoy is an interesting case because he starts off quite masc. He’s threatening to curse people, the governors are scared of him, etc. But, as the books go on… and he gets less powerful… he also gets more femme. When we meet him in Book 5 he’s no longer threatening people, but bribing them, spreading rumors, and giving interviews to the Prophet casting Arthur Weasley in a negative light. He's also getting really into peacocks. In Book 2 he was a major threat, but as he gets recast as Voldemort’s #2 he becomes a more femme, soft-power villain. When he leads the attack on the Department of Mysteries, he absolutely bungles it, which defines his character (and relationship with Voldemort) for the rest of the series. And it makes sense that Lucius is given this kind of treatment! It’s a way of communicating that there's a new villain in town, a real villain. 

So, are any of these femme-coded villains additionally queer-coded? I’m actually going to say no. Queer-coding is (like it says on the tin) finding ways to imply that your character is specifically gay. Like maybe giving them a same-sex relationship that is written romantically, but not explicitly called out by the text. Or pairing up all of the characters except them. Maybe have other characters joke about them being gay, and use that as a way to talk about the subject with some plausible deniability. Or they could just play suggestively with a cigar, or a walking stick. There are different strategies.  

But Lockhart doesn't get any of that. Honestly, I think that if JKR actually thought of him as gay, she would have been a lot more wary about a scene where he keeps Harry alone with him in his office for way longer than he’s supposed to. And she might have skipped this joke: 

“Harry was hauled to the front of the class during their very next Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, this time acting a werewolf (...) “Nice loud howl, Harry — exactly — and then, if you’ll believe it, I pounced — like this — slammed him to the floor — thus — with one hand, I managed to hold him down — with my other, I put my wand to his throat (...) he let out a piteous moan — go on, Harry — higher than that — good —” 

Like. At least she would have picked a different word than “moan,” right? Which unfortunately has slightly sexual connotations. Especially if she wanted to keep Lockhart a buffoon, to properly set up the twist at the end. 

Slughorn also gets femme-coded in a similar way: he loves his candy, his parties, his smoking jackets, his lilac silk pajamas, his web of connections he can use to get stuff (Lucius style.) We are introduced to him squatting in specifically a “fussy old lady’s” house. He’s also unusually emotional, getting weepy at Aragog‘s funeral. But I don’t think we’re meant to read him as actually gay, or else his relationship with Tom Riddle might’ve read a little too close to Tom seducing/trying to seduce him. Which is a beat JKR does subtly play out with Hepzibah Smith, but idk. by that point at least Tom is a legal adult.

(As a side note - the Harry Potter series got so lucky that all of its adult characters are played by absolutely top-shelf actors who are aware of the connotations and history behind various symbols, and do consider these things in their performances. Kenneth Brannagh and Jim Broadbent are good enough to make sure there’s not even a hint of iffy subtext when they play Lockhart and Slughorn. Also, Emma Thompson took the potentially very problematic character of Trelawney and made her cute and sympathetic… and not Romani in the slightest.) 

Draco, Snape, and Percy all have a case of the not-gays. Percy has a girlfriend (we don’t really see her or anything, but we’re told she’s there.) Snape of course gets his whole thing with Lily, and Draco… after one too many beats where it’s clear that Pansy is into him, but he’s not into Pansy…  gets a scene where he’s talking to his buddies with his head in her lap. (JKR uses “no one‘s good enough for me” beats with Blaise, Draco and Sirius, and the idea there seems to be more that they have undeservedly high opinions of themselves, and less that they don’t like girls.)

But, I do agree that a lot of JKR's characters do come across as a little more queer than intended. It boils down, I think, to the general lack of any kind of romance in the Harry Potter books and JKR being generally bad at/uncomfortable with writing male attraction directed at women, BUT being perfectly happy writing attraction directed at pretty guys. And because of that… yeah, it can sometimes feel like maybe Harry has a thing for Cedric. Especially when Dudley goes on to tease him about Cedric being his boyfriend, which I believe is the only actual mention of gay people in the entire series.  

So is there any intentional queer-coding in the book? It’s really subtle, but yes. I think Dumbledore is queer-coded. He is unusually emotional/cries unusually often for a Rowling guy. He is also given a scene which emphasizes his “flamboyantly” cut plum-velvet suit, and his relationship with Grindelwald is implied to be romantic for one book and two movies before being actually confirmed in Fantastic Beasts 3. (With the line of dialogue “I was in love with you.” Big step up from “We were closer than brothers.” which is an odd thing to say about someone you are interested in romantically.) 

But you brought up Tonks and Lupin, two characters very commonly interpreted as queer. So let’s get into that. JKR has said that she considers Lupin’s lycanthropy to be a metaphor for stigmatized diseases like AIDS. And… as incredible as it is to say… I actually do not think that she made the jump from there to thinking that maybe the character suffering from AIDS should be gay.

Because the narrative places so much weight on Lupin being bitten young and then on maybe not being allowed to attend school, I’m pretty sure that he’s not intended to be queer so much as he’s meant to be Ryan White, the literal poster child for AIDS activism who got infected via blood transfusion when he was two. Tragic, absolutely. But not gay. Honestly, I hope JKR was thinking of ‘lycanthropy’ as a metaphor for stigmatized illness in the abstract and not as a comment on gay people specifically. Because otherwise, Greyback’s thing about biting children becomes a mash-up of two of the biggest homophobic boogeymen from the 80s: gay men infecting people with AIDS on purpose because… idk, they hate the world or something. And the influence of gay men somehow “turning” children gay. Both absolutely real, if ridiculous, moral panics.

On top of that, Remus and Sirius do get a pretty clear case of the not-gays early on (“He embraced Black like a brother.”) Buuuut Alfonso Cuarón did think through those implications for Movie 3, absolutely saw Lupin as gay, and directed David Thewlis to play him accordingly. No reports confirming or denying whether Alfonso Cuarón ships Wolfstar, but I think that if I’m an actor trying to make sense of Lupin’s motivations… and I know he didn’t show Dumbledore the Marauders’ Map and didn’t tell anyone Sirius was an animagus… and then I’m told my character is gay… well. Anyway, I think there are absolutely hints of Wolfstar in that performance. 

And there's Tonks. Tonks is introduced during a very spooky segment in Book 5: Harry has been going through it, been left alone at the Dursleys while having what sounds like a depressive episode. It’s dark, he hears intruders. It's a really good piece of writing. But JKR knows that it’s the good guys who are coming and thinks, okay. Let’s make that as clear as possible from the word go. And so the first thing Harry sees is Tonks' pink hair. And what kind of person has pink hair? A young adult. A punky young adult. And what power would a teenager think was cool? Well, the ability to change the color of their hair at will. That, by itself, would have worked perfectly fine for this character.

But then (for reasons best known to herself) JKR goes further. Even though Tonk’s hair changing color is easily 90% of the transformations we see and there is no plot reason her appearance needs to change more than that, we see her drastically change her age and body type. When you think about this power for more than five seconds, it becomes kind of OP. For worldbuilding reasons alone, my instinct would’ve been to tone it down a bit. 

But no, we have this counterculture character who seems interested in her career and not in a relationship, who can easily change anything about her body, and (if her ability works anything like Polyjuice) that means she should definitely be able to change her gender. Cool.

Then, in everyone’s least favorite romance, Tonks and Lupin are paired up. I have heard the argument that this was meant to walk back queer-coding, or to punish people who thought they were queer... but I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think JKR expected these two to be fan favorites, and then was kind of surprised when everyone wanted to hear about their continuing adventures. 

(There are a handful of characters who JKR clearly really enjoys - and really enjoys writing - that fandom honestly could not care less about. Mundungus Fletcher and Ludo Bagman spring to mind. But the reverse is also true. She had one story for Lupin and people wanted to see more. Tonks is probably supposed to be her comment on immature young adults: she is loud, in your face, causes mild destruction and is “a little annoying at times.” But the fans fell in love with her.) 

So JKR has these two fan favorite characters and nothing for them to do. A romance is something for them to do. JKR also has a kind of weird pattern where good people need to either have kids or take care of kids. It’s not good to be a woman who isn’t involved with taking care of children in some fashion: see Rita Skeeter, Dolores Umbridge, Bellatrix Lestrange. This is also (I think) why Harry names his kids specifically after Severus, Sirius, and Albus. Since they’re good men, JKR had to find a way to give them kids after the fact. 

So yeah. I think we were meant to read Tonks and Lupin having a kid as kind of a reward, or at least as proof of their intrinsic goodness. There also just isn’t another guy in the right age range to ship Tonks with. The only other option is Sirius. 

(Harry in the books and Lupin on Pottermore both suspect that Tonks/Sirius is a thing. Completely forgetting, I guess, that they're cousins.)

[sunshine-zenith]

I mean. If A New Wish takes place roughly 20 years after the original series (which seems to be the case since Vicky was 16 in the original and is said to be 36 here), then wouldn't Peri be RIGHT at college age?? Why is he immediately going into childcare instead of spending some time partying at the club.

Like I kind of get why he keeps getting distracted by his parents- he literally hasn't seen them in years and there doesn't seem to have been any contact between them during that period. Who was raising him while Cosmo and Wanda were gone. Is he still the only fairy born within the past ten thousand years. Did he cope at all with suddenly losing his brother forever, or is he just repressing it like he's apparently subconsciously been doing with Vicky and who knows what else. Peri and Dev can go to therapy together

This ask got me seriously thinking about the timeline between FOP and FOP:ANW, especially in relation to the Cosma-Fairywinkles

So Wanda and Cosmo’s ten thousand year long vacation obviously involved time travel, and from how both Wanda and Peri words things, it sounds like he wasn’t there with them, at least for the last part of it — she specifically says they lost track of him during those ten thousand years and he specifically call it their (his parents’) vacation, not our vacation. That said, this trip, again, obviously involved time travel, meaning that while ten thousand years passed for Cosmo and Wanda, they might’ve only been gone for a few months for Peri. While that’s still a super long time, given how old Cosmo and Wanda are, it might not be that long for them (ex I was talking about school timelines with an older coworker, and she said that while an extra year is a long time for someone in their 20s, like me, for someone in their 40s-50s like her it’s nothing)

That said, even if the vacation wasn’t that long from Peri’s perspective, Peri specifically notes he hasn’t seen them since they got back from it — we don’t actually know how long Cosmo and Wanda were living as a “normal retired human couple” but it’s been long enough that they at least know some of the local celebrations (the lightbulb-ice cream parade)

Wanda and Cosmo don’t seem like the type of people to abandon/neglect their kid, especially after something as presumably tragic and traumatic as their sibling completely forgetting about them, so I’m just gonna assume that they either didn’t start their vacation until Peri was old enough to be on his own, or that they took Peri with them and Peri broke off from them early on when he reached the age of majority

Cosmo specifically notes the year 2001, which is a reference to when the original show started airing. This also technically establishes 2001 as the year Peri was born, since Timmy doesn’t age over the course of the series (ignoring timeline shenanigans from later in the series that ended up being reversed anyway) (also Peri is officially Gen Z rep)

I’m gonna say that ANW takes place in 2023-2024, since that’s when it was animated/aired, so about 22-23 years from the original series, which works with Vicky being said to be in her late 30s-early 40s and AJ looking to be in his early 30s (plus for all the fantastical elements these shows include when history is concerned — ie every they do with dinosaurs — this writers do seem fond of establishing political events in the series as matching the real world — ie Cosmo getting emotional over Obama and wanting to go back to those days. Establishing the show as being 2024 instead of 2021 gives enough distance in universe from quarantines that the writers can get away with not mentioning it. If it was meant to be set in 2021, I feel like the writers would include some kind of reference — a throw away line establishing it as something that did/didn’t happen in universe)

We don’t know how fairies age, how long it takes them to reach the age of majority, but yeah, Peri just feels very Young Adult coded, and him being 20-23 just kinda works with his character. He comes off as someone fresh out of school working their first real job and being blindsided by how different it is from what he expected/studied. Assuming that he aged like a human up until adulthood and assuming that Cosmo and Wanda waited until he was old enough to study on his own (18) in a safe environment (a fairy academy presumably), that means it’s potentially been 2-5 years since he’s seen them and that he spent his adulthood/adult education without them — no wonder they still see him like a kid while he wants them to treat him like an independent adult, he was basically still a kid going off to school when they last saw him while he had years of his own to give the adult thing again (again, in a hard but semi-sheltered environment that would be a school in fairy world). It’s possible Cosmo and Wanda are overcompensating for the thousands of years they missed (for them)/missing important events like graduation (for Peri)

It makes me think of the fact that the writers specifically named the robots that care for Dev and fulfill his demands (ei what ends up being Peri’s job when he comes along) “au pairs” — an au pair is basically a cross between a foreign exchange student and a nanny, someone (typically a young adult) from a different country who moves in with a local family and helps take care of the children and house in exchange for a living situation, and many au pairs specifically take on the role while studying at a local university. That’s not too far off from what Peri/a Fairy Godparent’s role is

All that out of the way… yeah Peri should be in the club. BUT who would he even go out with? Yes he had similar aged peers in the original series (Foop/Irep and Goldie), but we don’t actually know if fairies started having kids again after he was born. If he had classmates as an adult, they would likely be fairies much older than him returning to school, so people he might not easily relate to

Thinking about it, it starts to make sense why Peri was given such a hard case for his first godkid — fairies can chose to go into retirement but for the longest time couldn’t have children, so there wasn’t anyone to take up the jobs they leave behind. In the original series there was a fairy godparent shortage that probably only got worse as fairies working that job got to the point of “okay, this is my last child, I’m done after this.” Peri was possibly one of the only fairy godparents available (who else would go to Dev? Cookie? The fairy still pissed off at Cosmo and Wanda and going after Hazel? Please, she’d probably refuse before even looking at Dev), plus he didn’t have anyone experienced to give him advice going into things, so he couldn’t, say, negotiate for an easier kid to start with or something before taking up the job

Peri is a young adult with almost no one to relate to, choosing a career that he views as “the family business” to make his parents proud, choosing a career he automatically has a unique relationship to because of the timing of when he was born and who he grew up with, who has a strained relationship with his parents because of years of (unintentional but still) no contact (not to mention the very real family loss of having their other kid/his big brother basically go away forever and completely forget about them in the process, which can’t be easy to navigate), who’s working a hard job with no experience and seeming no resources

He really was doomed from the get go, wasn’t he

[sirfrogsworth]

I have a favorite photo.

It's the one I am most proud of.

It involved a lot of luck, but also required a lot of effort to capture.

I use it as the header for this Tumblr.

It was a foggy morning and I thought it looked spooky. My instincts were telling me I could get a unique image. I dragged out my lighting equipment and had Otis roam around in the yard. I set up my shot in an area I knew he would pass by. I didn't have wireless flash triggers yet, so I was using the little flash on top of my camera to trigger my big flash. But that doesn't work great outside. Typically it is meant to bounce off walls and ceilings so the external flash can see the light. I was trying to use a tiny mirror in front of my little flash to direct the light towards the big flash. But I kept getting the angle wrong and my flash was only firing once every few shots. I also kept missing focus as I was concentrating on too many things at once.

By all accounts, it would take a miracle to get the shot.

I should not have gotten a good shot.

But for one single frame... the fog, the sun, Otis, and my flash all cooperated.

I didn't even realize my efforts had worked until I loaded the files onto the computer. And the second this image popped onto my screen, my jaw dropped.

Up until this point I had never captured an image of this quality before. This was very early in my photography journey and I was still figuring things out. And I think seeing what was possible—what I was actually capable of capturing—that was the moment I was all in. The moment I wanted to be a "real" photographer.

This is the RAW file. The side of his face was a bit dark, but that is why you shoot in RAW. That is recoverable.

This is my original edit in 2013. The biggest thing that bothered me was the ear tips. I always wish I hadn't cut those off.

But thankfully technology has advanced enough that I can give Otis his full ears back.

And here is the remastered 2024 edition...

I used other images as reference to make sure the ear shape and size was perfect. And I also used another image of his Super Otis badge facing forward and comped that in.

Otis has a very specific shade of orange fur and it is very sensitive to editing. If you make him brighter, the orange changes to the wrong orange. If you make him darker, same thing. But I am hopeful I got that lovely orange fur pretty close to his actual coat.

I don't know if I would have fallen in love with this artform without this image. Or without Otis. He gave me so much in his short time in this world. I can never thank him enough for that.

[lurkingshan]

Hi Shan

I've been watching your commentary on Peaceful Property with regard to its mishandling of its class conflict themes and I have to admit that I'm coming to agree with you on it.

I had to basically go "Welp, I can't see how they get out of the mess they've made now - I guess I just have to give them a pass on the grounds of found family?" in order to keep enjoying the show, which did let me do that but also left a bit of an icky taste in my mouth.

So I guess I wanted to ask - do you think there's a way they could have handled the wealth disparity and classism issues more gracefully within the show's narrative? And also whether there are any QLs you would recommend that do handle the topic to your satisfaction? I could use something good to watch!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I feel like you always make me consider topics more deeply and reflectively, even when I don't agree with you.

Hi, thanks for dropping in! I feel you on this, and I want to be clear that my criticism of the show is not criticism of people who still like it despite these failures. If you have still been able to connect to the friendship and family themes without this getting in the way, that's great and I'm glad for you. Just because the show is doing one thing very poorly doesn't mean there's nothing of value in it.

That said, you're right, they've passed the point of no return on their missteps with the class disparity themes. Early on in the show, after several episodes in a row of ghost stories involving poor or working class folks harmed by Home's wealthy real estate developer family on top of the class disparity between Home and Peach/Pang, I said I was confident that the show had something to say about this issue. And that was true! Unfortunately, what it had to say was garbage.

To your first question, I actually think it would have been very easy for the show to handle the wealth disparity and classism issues more gracefully, and that's a big part of my frustration. They had all the ingredients--a family history of exploitation, a ghost busting team including working class folks to shed light on the family's sins, and an ignorant grandson uncovering wrongdoing case by case and learning that there was always a price for his privilege. All the show needed to do was allow Home to come to some natural realizations about his family's treatment of others, via both the ghost case work and his relationship with Peach and Pang, and then use the power and resources he has to take accountability in the form of restitution and reparations to the people and communities they harmed. My ideal story line based on what they set up in the first half of the show would have had Home setting out to right his family's wrongs and take real steps to restore the communities they harmed. Even if a full on wealth redistribution narrative was too much to hope for, at the very least Home should have been made to reckon with what his family did and set out to do better in the future, both by Peach and Pang and by his family's countless victims (including Kan).

But that's not what we got. Instead, the narrative tried to sell us on the idea that none of this is anyone's fault, and that any harm that came to people at this family's hands was the result of a "curse" or one bad apple's wrongdoing. Instead of saying anything meaningful about systemic inequality and the responsibility of the wealthy and powerful to avoid extractive and exploitative practices, they painted Home's Gramps and family corporation as benevolent, concluding that they destroyed a bunch of people's lives by accident and without intent or even knowledge. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how utterly absurd and insulting that is. On top of all that, despite Home being the one with the most power in this little friend family and making some very serious mistakes that caused harm to the others, the show consistently centered him and his feelings in all conflicts, including Peach's near death and the death of Kan's father and destruction of her community. It also ignored the very real stakes it set up for Peach and Pang's dire financial situation whenever the plot demanded. The second half of the show became all about the poor people Home and his family have harmed forgiving him without any accountability because they felt guilty he was sad, and then those same people spending their time and energy fighting to save this rich family's reputation and livelihood. That's not me offering an interpretation, that is what literally happened on our screens!

So yeah, it was bad! It was clear weeks ago that it was not going in the right direction, but I understand holding out hope that they'd pull a rabbit out of a hat or look into the camera and say sike. But that ship has sailed at this point, and Peaceful Property becomes another in a pattern of GMMTV shows that try to incorporate class disparity in their narratives and get it very very wrong.

Which brings me to your second question: are there any QLs I recommend that do this better? Yes! Here is a short list for other Thai shows that have genuinely done this better:

Moonlight Chicken: not a class disparity narrative, but the only GMMTV show to date that has depicted working class people with full dignity and empathy

Dark Blue Kiss: the only GMMTV bl to tell a romance story that involves class conflict and not completely bungle it (snaps to TayNew for having another show that did better on this)

My Ride: a slow burn romance between a doctor and a motorcycle taxi driver that gets the way their class disparity would shape their relationship right

Love Sea: this one isn't perfect (I think the working class character in the pair gets too little narrative attention relative to his rich counterpart) but it does take the class disparity seriously and ensures it informs the relationship the whole way through

Laws of Attraction: don't laugh at me, I'm serious! This show is mostly absurd but the core narrative is all about class conflict, and it informs the romance quite thoroughly, too

The Loyal Pin: including this one on the word of @twig-tea because I haven't watched yet, but I understand it's dealing with class very directly in its core relationship (with the disclaimer that it still has two episodes to go so something could go sideways)

I'd also throw in some shows that aren't really about class disparity but do include it as part of the narrative background to inform characterization and plot like I Told Sunset About You, Love By Chance, Khun Chai, and 3 Will Be Free

Outside of Thailand, South Korea is always a safe bet for strong class disparity narratives, and in QL you'll find the best examples in Hwang Da Seul's works (Where Your Eyes Linger, Blueming, To My Star 2, and currently Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo). Japan and Taiwan actually don't do much of this, because most of their shows are about middle class and working people as a rule. Miseinen, a Japanese BL that just started airing, looks to be tackling a class disparity narrative, though, and doing it well so far (not a coincidence that the source material is from Korea). And We Best Love is a classic Taiwanese BL with a significant class disparity informing the romance conflict. Blue Canvas of Youthful Days is a currently airing Chinese BL that is doing a class disparity romance and has been killing it so far.

So there is my incredibly long answer to your questions! Thank you again for sending me this kind note; I'm so appreciative that we can chat about this stuff and still maintain our love for these shows. I hope you find some things you like on the rec list, as well. :)

[aliesbienish]

Love at first swipe

Benedict Bridgerton x fem reader. Modern Au.

Warnings: Cheesy AF. Innuendos.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Cute smile. Check.

Kind eyes. Check.

Well written profile with no misogynistic undertones. Double check.

This guy must be to good to be true. Definitely a bot. Or married and cheating on his poor wife. Plus what girl hasn’t been screwed over by a ‘Ben’, maybe he’ll be yours.

Still against better judgement you swiped right on Mr. cute smile, and then called it a day. Closing tinder and setting down your phone, reluctantly getting up to make yourself dinner. Honestly having a partner to share the cooking load was just as appealing as the romance at this point.

Basic spaghetti made and glass of wine in hand you plopped back onto the couch to continue your next rerun of pride and prejudice, the tv show of course. At least you could always day dream of life with Mr Darcy, and if he was always looking like he just emerged from the lake then so be it.

Grabbing your phone to enter into some simultaneous mindless scrolling you saw a notification from Tinder pop up. Oh boy a new match. Maybe you needed more wine.

Of course you couldn’t help being intrigued, so you opened it up to see a new message from the definite robot himself.

Ben: Good evening [y/n], to what do I owe this pleasure?

You: Bit early to determine I’ll be a pleasure isn’t it?

I’m actually only here because I am convinced you are a bot and honestly chatting with a bot is almost guaranteed to be more exciting than chatting with a man.

Ben: I’m nothing if not optimistic. I promise I am not a bot. And before you say it; I know that it’s exactly what a bot would say but it’s also exactly what a human would say.

You: Touché. Alright Ben, prove it.

Ben: Do you interrogate all your matches or am I special?

You: You’re special. But don’t get sappy about it, I’m just suspicious that your profile doesn’t have a photo of you fishing or in front of a car.

Through many years of observation I’ve hypothesised that each human man must show one or the other.

Ben: And have you hypothesised why that may be?

You: It’s almost certainly something to do with their hunting and gathering skills. That or compensation.

Ben: And how was this concluded?

You: Well fishing is obviously a modern (and frankly boring) man’s hunting and gathering.Least amount of work and blood involved. These men want to prove they can provide, but will likely never actually do the real hunting and gathering ie. Grocery shopping.

Ben: Science seems sound. And cars?

You: Well that’s obvious. The bigger and shinier the car the smaller the 🍆.

Ben: I quite agree…but that might be because I own a mud covered beetle.

You: Haven’t you heard it’s best to keep expectations low?

Ben: And risk losing out? No thank you.

You: If you’re real, which the jury is still out, I’m sure that’s not an issue.

Ben: Still? I’m flattered. And while it may not be an issue let’s say why would I settle for bronze when I can have gold?

FYI that’s me saying I think you’re gold

You: thanks for the clarification. You’re really into calling this early aren’t you? 10 minutes and you’re obsessed.

Ben: It’s actually been about thirty minutes if you count when I first came across your profile and haven’t stopped thinking about you since.

You: That is either incredibly honest or an amazing line.

Ben: Oh it’s both. But first and only time I’ll use it, cross my heart.

You: So what next?

Ben: Coffee, tomorrow hopefully if that’s not too soon?

You: Tomorrows great. Meet in the city? Say Leicester Square at 11am?

Ben: Done. I look forward to it.

You: You’d better be real or I’ll hurt you.

You were standing in the square outside of the cinema, your agreed meeting place. Despite the anxiety in you wanting to call the date off you’d made it. It was likely a good thing you only had 24 hours or so to think about it. Ben had been funny and endearing and so damn sure he wanted to meet you. He seemed so lovely that it defied belief, but you were willing to suspend reality.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and you spun around to come face to face with Ben. In the flesh, as handsome or in fact even more so than his profile photos.

You meet his eyes and suddenly you felt lost in them.

“Hi,” You muttered, a goofy smile plastering your face. “I’m [y/n]”.

“Hi back. My real names Benedict. But Ben is fine. Long story. It’s lovely to meet you properly.”

“Thank god we’re both real,” you laughed.

“To be honest I never had any doubt. When you know you know.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Maybe I’m just trying to manifest my own luck on the dating apps 🤷🏻‍♀️

[yuurivoice]

A few folks seem very intrigued by the somewhat vague pre-BitterSweet ideas I had for Seth I was discussing on stream last night (and a few times before that) so I'll share in my own words here as well!

Seth's embryonic stage was straightforward.

Create a sexy rival for Alphonse who shares a criminal history with him, and wants to use Boo as a means to fuck with Al. Biker bad boy who fucks. That was all there was in the beginning.

From there I considered doing the Good End, Bad End approach that would expand on a concept I tried out with early Alphonse, where Boo and him hooking up on their first night was a non-canon bad end. This would have been more of a Bad Path rather than just an end, a few audios where shit just gets real wild.

I don't remember a ton of specifics now, but long story short after meeting (not the same as episode 1 of BS) Seth would be a lingering menace stirring shit and taunting Al/Boo before ultimately kidnapping Boo and luring Alphonse to a remote location, something similar to a trainyard or warehouse, like the settings seen in BS3. The climax involved a gun, and an ambiguous ending where we're not sure who got got in the end.

Then, after I sat with it for a while and started hammering out what I wanted his introduction to look like, Seth was not becoming that character. I held on, thinking maybe it'll take shape, and then the "THEY WERE LOVERS!?" bit hit me and it really started to get some movement...and nowhere near the direction of Seth really being a menace.

Also, I find the whole thing so overplayed and cliche in the ASMR roleplay niche that I did not think it would be wise in the long run to introduce even the optional Bad End thing because a lot of people cannot grasp the concept of "this is just a spicy branching alternate story for fun".

And honestly, I don't find it all that fun. A by the numbers kidnapping plot for the folks who enjoy that sort of thing would not have been the level of work I'd go on to do, nor would it have created the long lasting emotional attachment to Seth we have today.

Also, knowing your audience fucking matters. That era of the my audience had people freaking out at the idea that Alphonse might leave Boo. They were not prepared for that kind of content whether it was clearly labeled non-canon or not.

I'm pretty happy with where we ended up, and I am much more equipped to tell a story involving a fucked up asshole causing problems on purpose now than I was all those years ago.

But I hear the folks who want various boys behaving badly, and perhaps one day Seth will have a bad dream about what could have been. 🙏

[theminecraftbee]

current hermitcraft star trek AU thoughts: meet some of the crew of the USS Taney (named for a storied US coast guard cutter, for those curious):

chief petty officer joe hills, maintenance chief. it’s my AU and one of the principle characters can be an enlisted sailor instead of a commissioned officer if I want to dammit. spends a LOT of time in jeffries tubes doing essential maintenance and is responsible for a lot if enlisted engineering staff. a betazoid who joined starfleet to see the stars but gets admittedly VERY STRESSED OUT on account of not being great at human social mores, thank god for military formality am I right. well-liked and respected amongst the crew, especially other enlisted sailors but also with commissioned officers. straight-up refuses to use his betazoid abilities for any actual work though because he’s convinced he constantly misinterprets people’s minds. whether or not this is true is… questionable… but he’s maintenance chief not a councilor or something so no one ever actually has real opportunity to call him out on this. well, mostly nobody. except maybe for…

ensign cleo, a former borg drone that was taken prisoner and separated from the hivemind. starfleet has no records of her homeworld or original race and what do you know, she doesn’t know either! thanks, borg, she hates it. took to sarcasm like a duck to water. ended up on the taney because in the early days joe was somehow the person who broke through to her and command is still wary she might regress, even given that she has since passed accelerated academy classes and earned a commission. a security officer and cybersecurity expert (for a given definition of “expert”, given the source of the information). very good at covering insecurities by being Mean. literally everyone who works with her is aware though so literally everyone knows she is Deeply Loyal to the taney’s crew. which is why people keep trying to “helpfully” run interference against starfleet intelligence for her, to her great annoyance, because she actually kind of likes…

commander etho, a vulcan intelligence officer. has had a storied career, meaning people who don’t know much about the intelligence community hate that he’s around, people who do idolize him, and people who know him know he’s just kind of awkward. extremely competent, sure, but awkward. frequently in communication with, traveling on, and otherwise involved with the taney, largely because the taney keeps on somehow tripping over things that should be state secrets and he’s best equipped to clean it up (case in point: cleo). sometimes etho thinks the only way the ship could be more cursed is if they named it enterprise. then he reminds himself that’s an illogical superstition. despite the fact he technically now has a desk job the aforementioned storied career makes him a very competent actual field commander as well, which means he ends up involved in operations whenever he’s on board.

these are the guys I have ideas for so far. still need to think of like. a captain for the ship. most of the senior staff. I just have ideas for this au you know,

[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 14

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

....................................................

‘The things I do for lov…’

Ananya froze. Suddenly very alert. While Jude was still lost in her scent.

She shut her eyes, firmly. Burying her head in the sand like as ostrich. As if that would make the last few seconds not real. As if she could go back in time & change what she nearly said.

It couldn’t be, could it?

Surely it was a slip. Surely she couldn’t have meant to say THAT word. How could she, when they hadn’t even been together for two months yet? Last time it had taken her six months to come NEAR this feeling. It was too soon. WAY TOO SOON.

From the way Jude was happily sighing behind her, babbling something incoherent as his lips traced the back of her neck, she could tell he hadn’t heard any of it. Some respite, at least.

But the numbness refused to leave her body. She was still, like a statue. Only moving due to Jude’s movements behind her. 

After a few moments, he noticed it too, and tried to turn her around. But she resisted.

‘Dove?’

The fondness and care in his voice was too much to bear. His proximity was too much to bear.  The warmth of his touch, his breath on the back of her neck were all too much to bear. She suddenly wanted to bolt out of the room but that would alarm Jude in a thousand different ways. So she took the easy way out.

‘Feeling a bit uneasy. Be back in a bit.’

She removed his arm from around her and headed straight to the washroom, keeping her back to him throughout. Not letting him see her face.

He sensed something was off but attributed it to exhaustion, and let her have a few moments in peace.

Jude picked up his phone, and saw a few messages from his teammates checking in on him. Of course the word would have spread, since he left in a rush and said it was an emergency. He’ll have to come up with a story on the way back, something that doesn’t invite too many questions.

Ananya sat down on the covered toilet seat and buried her head in her hands. Her heart was going at a million miles per second, practically threatening to burst out of her chest.

She knew what it was like to be in love. She had been in love before. But last time, it was gradual. She could tell the signs, the milestones along the way. They had met in college, were classmates, then friends, then more than friends and then ultimately fell in love. Everyone around them saw where it was going from very early on, but the two of them had taken their time. Not rushing into anything. Letting feelings develop & grow over time. Letting destiny take its course. And when the confession happened, it felt like it was a long time coming. Like it was always meant to be this way. 

Was this, with Jude……….like that in any way?

Ananya started pacing around the small space, trying to analyse her feelings. Trying to logically break it down.

Her brain was leaning towards a no. 

They had known each other for only two months. Too short a time to develop such strong feelings. They hadn’t spoken about many crucial things which would be a core part of life if they actually do decide to…..be together like that. To think of a future like that. At the end of the day, falling in love was also a conscious decision, right? Some part of your brain allows you to take that step at some point along the way. The head over heels stuff was only for the movies. Real life didn’t work that way. Actions have consequences in real life, with real people involved, who can get hurt in unimaginable ways due to this torturous feeling. So yes, it was a conscious decision. Had to be, right?

And she didn’t remember making that decision in this case. Her brain hadn’t given her that signal that now the waters have been tested enough, and it was okay to take this massive leap of faith where she could either fly or fall face first in a deep, treacherous valley. So how could this be love? How could she possibly feel that way for him?

Her heart had a mind of its own though.

No logic stood a chance when it came to matters of the heart. Unfortunately, she knew that all too well. Had first hand experience of it. 

If it wasn’t love, why did she yearn to comfort him always? Why did his pain physically affect her senses? Why did his smile uplift her spirits? Why did she feel this gravitational pull towards him? Wanting to be in his arms - his safe, warm, steady embrace? Why did a single message / call from him completely change the way her day was going otherwise? Why was she always looking for ways (even cutting corners sometimes) to be able to spend more time with him? Why did she secretly beam with pride every time he was on the pitch? Why was his individual performance starting to become as big a thing she stressed over as the overall result for her favourite club? 

Her brain had no answer to all this. Like she knew it wouldn’t. 

But she also remembered what happened the last time her heart had overruled her brain so decisively. When she was falling for her ex. At that time, they seemed poles apart. But now, in comparison to her & Jude, they were the perfect match.

Her heart had won. And it led to PAIN. Sheer, absolute, heartbreaking pain. The naiveté of first love, of assuming this would be it, the joy of finding the boy of your dreams, the realisation that you never wanted to be close to any other like this. Because how could anyone else make you feel this way? It seemed impossible.

All for that boy to promise the moon and then walk away at the first sign of trouble. Saying it’s too hard. That they were too different. That they wanted different things from life. No relationship could ever survive when only one person was fighting for it. Hers didn’t either.

And here she was, on the precipice of that free-fall again.

With a boy who had absolutely no idea what all she was thinking right now. Who’d probably freak the fuck out if he heard what she nearly said. Who had NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE. Who didn’t even know what that feeling entailed, and what came after it. Because falling in love was still easier, but staying in love was the harder part. Shit gets real then. 

Jude had often said that they were young and this was their time to have fun. She knew he didn’t believe in thinking 5 steps ahead in his personal life, like she did. He was more a ‘go with the flow’ kinda guy, not an over thinker. 

And they were having fun, a lot of fun, she couldn’t deny. But what if that’s all he wanted? What if this was the definition of dating for him? What if this was it? 

His life revolved around football right now. His family knew it, his friends knew it, and they supported him in their own ways. And hers should revolve around her career too - that’s the reason she had moved half way across the world to not miss this amazing job opportunity. 

Being in love would mean taking important life decisions together. At least that was her definition of it. No, they weren’t ready for that. Far from it. And she couldn’t dump the complex twisted inner workings of her mind on him right now. They needed time, a lot of time, before they could get there. If they even wanted to get there. Yes, this was the right way. To wait, and not rush into anything. To not let her idiotic heart ruin this with such slips. She had to be more careful. She will be more careful. She won’t falter like this again, she couldn’t. 

With a fresh resolve, she washed her face, finally looked at her own self in the mirror (she was avoiding that so far for some reason, as if she would herself call her own bluff), cleaned up a bit, took a deep breath before unlocking the door.

Jude was sitting up against the headboard, waiting for her to come out. It had been a while. He wanted to give her space but was starting to wonder if something was up.

His eyes followed her closely as she picked up her phone from her desk and came back to bed. Keeping her back to him throughout.

He checked the time; precisely 30 mins before he absolutely had to leave. 

But a weird feeling engulfed him, an unpleasant feeling. A sinking feeling. Why hadn’t she said anything? Why hadn’t she looked at him?

‘Ananya?’

His voice was low, soft. Almost tentative. Jude laid on his side, watching her back. He wanted to reach out, to hug her from behind, but something stopped him.

‘Hmmm.’

‘All ok?’

‘Yeah.’

Her voice gave him zero confidence. He didn’t want to leave like this. And for the life of him he couldn’t figure what had suddenly happened to her. They were absolutely fine just a while back. Happily engaging in pillow-talk. And then poof!

Was she PMSing? He had heard mood swings were a part of it. Would she be pissed if he asked her that? Probably. Best to stay away from this topic.

But he hated this distance and silence between them. He reached for her upper arm, stroking it tentatively.

‘Is it me? Have I done something?’

Had he gone overboard today by pushing that guy’s topic? Did his immaturity / impulsiveness become too much for her? 

The little tremor in his voice made her turn around immediately. Guilt hit her in loads, again. First the Arjun thing and now this. He shouldn’t be dealing with this stuff right before a crucial match, definitely not because of her.

Instinct took over, and she forgot all else, pulling his face close and placing a soothing kiss to his lips.

‘I’m just a little tired, yeah? Been a long day. Tough day.’

He nodded earnestly, lapping up every word.

‘I get it. I do.’

‘I know. Come here, baby.’

He laid half on top of her. Face tucked into her neck and chest. One arm over her waist. One leg over her legs. As she stroked his shoulder, arm and back gently. 

‘Just forget everything and focus on the match, yeah? Score for me tomorrow.’

‘Will you watch me?’

‘Obviously.’

They stayed hugging like that for 5 mins. Quiet. Drawing comfort from each others’ touch.

Suddenly, a thought hit Jude.

‘Jobe’s gonna be here in a few days.’

‘Oh nice.’

‘Yeah, his Christmas break has started.’

‘Am sure you’d love having him with you.’

‘Yeah, really looking forward to it.’

Silence again. Then Jude decided it was stupid to beat around the bush. He leaned up on his elbow, looking down at her.

‘Wanna meet him?’

‘I…uhh….are you sure?’

‘Yeah. He knows about us. You’d like him. He’d like you. I know it already.’

Her head started to spin. Was it too soon to meet his family?

But Jobe was more like Jude’s best friend.

Rubbish. He was still family. Probably the closest bond of Jude’s. What if he doesn’t like her? She hardly knew anything about him, other than the titbits Jude had told her. What would she even talk to him about? Did he know much about her? Had Jude spoken to him about her? 

Why was it bothering her like this? It’s shouldn’t matter so much, right? Didn’t she just decide to consciously take things slow?

‘Earth to Ananya. Come back.’

‘I….have you asked him? Does he want to meet me?’

‘Not yet. Why wouldn’t he?’

Ananya could think of a zillion reasons. 

The simplicity of Jude’s thoughts were both his strength and also a blind spot sometimes. But this was Jude - who always believed life would find a way. It wouldn’t hurt to borrow that child-like optimism maybe, at least in this one case.

‘Ok.’

‘Ok?’

‘Yeah let’s do it. I mean, if he wants to, of course. Don’t wanna impose on your time together.’

‘You know the amount of mind space you’d unlock if you stop overworking that pretty brain of yours?’

‘Brains can’t be pretty.’

‘So we are ignoring the point?’

‘It’s easier said than done, Jude.’

What did he know about chronic overthinking? Only those who were plagued by it knew what it felt like. Others should just zip it and keep their suggestions to themselves. 

Jude felt her mood shift again. Almost fully convinced she was PMSing. Otherwise he couldn’t make sense of the last 30 mins.

His alarm buzzed then, and Ananya put her fingers in her ears to protect them from the obnoxiously horrid & loud sound.

It was time to leave. No more dilly-dallying.

‘I’ll check with him & then let’s plan something?’

‘Cool.’

‘We’re good, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So I’d get my agreed upon special reward if I score tomorrow?’

‘If you don’t manage to piss me off somehow, then yeah.’

He left soon after, after a quick kiss, and Ananya just shut her eyes, shut out the world (her brain included) and allowed sleep to numb her restless thoughts.

Jude didn’t score the next day, but his assist was spectacular, and the team won. One more league match was left before the Christmas break; everyone wanted to leave on a high.

They spoke briefly after the match, and Jude told her the plan was a go. 

It was happening. She was going to meet his brother on Friday. The person who knew Jude the best. In two days. 

But god showed some mercy and she was so caught up in work the next few days that this somehow went on a back burner.

Until Friday night, when she was in the car with Agnes, on the way to Jude’s place.

She was supposed to reach by 7 pm but the conference had run over. It was already 8:30.  So much for first impressions. Universe never stopped conspiring against her after all.

When Jude answered the door, it was 8:45. She started blurting out her apologies, without even greeting him.

He didn’t hear a word, eyes too focused on the navy blue dress once she took off her coat. The fitted knee length dress, black stockings, black heels, hair partly tied back, glossy lips.

The look was blowing his mind. And he suddenly wished Jobe was not in the house with them right now. 

Because now he won’t be able to do what that attire actually deserved. But no force in the world would stop him from getting a quick taste. Not even her explicit exhaustive warnings of keeping his hands to himself in front of Jobe.

Jude cut her off mid-sentence when he dove in for a kiss, grabbing the side of her face. His other hand slid down to cup her butt, their usual make-out routine. Ananya froze, trying to look around with her peripheral vision.

Before she could push him away, Jude broke the kiss and shrugged at her. As if to say it was her fault somehow. But now was not the time to put him in line, she’ll have to do that later. With one final stern look, which he pointedly avoided, they walked into the living room, hand in hand.

His brother was lounging on the couch, and stood up to greet her.

Neither Ananya nor Jobe knew what an ideal greeting would be in this setting - a casual side hug or a nod or a handshake? So they ended up doing a silly little wave to each other while muttering a quick ‘hey.’

Jude of course was oblivious to the awkwardness, as he went to fetch the dinner tray-table. His chef had truly gone over-board today when Jude said it’s gonna be a special intimate dinner, preparing a proper 3 course meal. 

Both Ananya and Jobe helped set the dining table as Jude went to fetch the wine. Neither had much faith in Jude’s abilities to manage single-handedly. 

‘Sorry you had to wait. I know you guys have your dinner early. You should have started, really.’

It was something she was still getting used to with Jude. He preferred to have dinner done by 8 usually, a healthy habit for athletes.

‘No it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Thanks. How was the amusement park yesterday?’

The brothers had visited a famous Disney park in Madrid, which had caused quite a stir, and the authorities nearly had to shut the place down.

Jobe chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

‘Started out fun, but then got a bit mad. Like I knew Jude was popular here but man, this much?’

‘And this soon.’

‘Yeah, exactly. They had to call bouncers to escort us. Bit nuts, that.’

‘I’d say get used to it. Fans have really taken to him. Never seen so much love for any player here in 5-6 months, not since Ronaldo of course. We are a tough fanbase but he has truly won us over at rocket speed.’

‘Oh, you’re a Madrid fan?’

Jude chose that moment to emerge with her favourite bottle of wine, and answered for her.

‘Lifelong. Diehard. Like us for Birmingham.’

‘Really? That’s interesting.’

Ananya wondered what would be running through Jobe’s mind with this piece of information. Would he take her for a fan stalker? She couldn’t blame him for that line of thought - it would be a fair question to ask. Something that Jude had never bothered to ask.

But no question came, and she didn’t want to venture a clarification on her own.

Instead, a different question came.

‘So, when he fucks up on the pitch, do you give him stick as a fan or his girlfriend?’

‘I don’t fuck up.’

Both Jobe and Ananya ignored that, not even bothering to look at him.

‘Who says I give him stick?’

‘He does.’

As if the words weren’t enough, Jobe also pointed his fork at Jude.

Ananya turned sharply towards her uncomfortable boyfriend, cocking her head to the side.

‘Honesty. That’s what I meant.’

‘Did not.’

Jobe murmured while mock-coughing, bursting into a giggle and Ananya eventually joined him, chuckling at Jude’s misery.

It broke the ice between the two, but the cost was Jude’s annoyance. After a few moments, Ananya reached out to gently stroke his arm.

‘It’s fine. I do actually give him a hard time when he isn’t himself on the pitch.’

‘Good on you.’

Jobe nodded, and the conversation started flowing easily from thereon.

Ananya asked about how his season was going, and the boy’s eyes lit up. Passion for football was common between the brothers. As was their gratitude to be able to play professionally at big clubs. He opened up even more, telling her about the team and standings so far. Jude added titbits in the middle, as to how Jobe was more a striker like their dad, his pride for his baby brother all too visible in his eyes. 

Theirs was a special special bond - she could gather that in 20 mins with them. Denise & Mark should write parenting books. She’d tell them that when she……..no, let’s not go there.

Jobe was curious about her work, having heard a few details from Jude. He listened with rapt attention when she described (at a very surface level, in simple terms) some of the recent investment banking mandates she was working on.

‘So you’re smart smart then.’

‘Told ya.’

Jude chimed in again, as she looked between the two sheepishly.

‘Went to a fancy university I’m guessing?’

‘Yup - the best in India, right?’

Both sets of eyes turned on her, the praise making her a tad uncomfortable. 

‘Yeah, I mean, it’s supposed to be…yeah. Not a big deal really.’

She muttered under her breath, but it didn’t seem to register with them.

‘Also working on her Stanford MBA application.’

‘Cool.’

A few moments of silence then, and she thought they had moved on from the subject, thankfully. 

‘So what do you two talk about then?’

Jobe blurted out, smirking. The implication all too obvious. Ananya’s instinct was to laugh at the joke (the timing really made it funny) but she also wanted to come to Jude’s defence. 

Meanwhile, Jude threw a napkin at Jobe, completely unaffected by the banter, returning his brother’s playfulness.

Ananya reached out for Jude’s hand, squeezing it lightly.

‘Football. We started with football, and moving to Madrid.’

‘And bad Spanish.’

‘Yeah, that too.’

They smiled at each other fondly, reminiscing their first meeting in that sweet little cafe, and Jude leaned in to place an affectionate kiss on her cheek. Jobe leaned back in his chair, observing the two, but mostly his brother.

‘And then he blackmailed me with my love for RM.’

‘Guilty as charged.’

Jude raised his hand all too dramatically, as he proceeded to narrate the Clasico & Zidane story.

It was less than 2 months ago, but somehow felt like they had known each other for a lot longer. 

The evening went by pleasantly, with good food, good company and good conversation.

When they were having dessert (Jobe & Ananya, coz Jude still had a match left before the break so he had like 2 bites of the pudding), Ananya asked what she thought was a harmless question.

‘So, anyone special in your life?’

Jobe stilled, unsure how to answer that, and Jude looked down, smiling to himself.

She again looked between the two brothers, trying to decipher this unspoken language, and wondering why it was such a complicated question.

Then, an unpleasant thought hit her. What if the brothers had more aspects in common, like their approach to women? What if Jobe was how Jude used to be (before he met her)?

But the boy was 18, EIGHTEEN, for crying out loud. 

Though Jude was like that at 18 too. She had never gone into the specifics of his earlier life but had gathered enough to know it had been like that from 16-17, since his meteoric rise to fame.

She secretly hoped it wasn’t true for Jobe, who she saw more as a kid, as Jude’s baby brother. Jude would know of course, she could ask him later but she really didn’t want this piece of information.

Damnit, why did she have to bring up this topic and make things uncomfortable? The boy would think she’s nosy, like many others who must ask him such invasive personal questions. She shouldn’t have assumed it was a simple question; nothing was simple with these boys.

‘I’m sorry…..’

‘It’s complicated…..’

Both spoke at the same time. 

Ananya quickly took control of the situation, desperate to put this behind them.

‘Conversation for another time, yeah?’

‘Yup.’

Then she gave an irritated side-eye to Jude, who was still smiling to himself and hadn’t offered to help her or break the awkwardness in any way. Far too amused for her liking.

It was already 10:15 - 90 mins had flown by.

Wine, exhaustion and lack of sleep started to take its toll on her. She yawned, but quickly covered her mouth to not let it show, and started to walk around the living room to regain some energy.

‘Hey you guys were playing FIFA?’

‘Yup - we started when you texted you were gonna be late.’

‘Who won?’

‘Half-time. I’m up 2-0.’

Jude beamed, while sticking out his tongue to Jobe.

‘Please. He cheated, like always.’

‘I know right. He cheated with me too - no way I would have lost like that otherwise.’

‘Don’t wanna say sore losers but…..’

Jude shrugged. And the other two stared at him, thoroughly unamused.

‘Oh shut it. I’ve beaten you way too many times for you to be so smug.’

‘Ummm no you haven’t.’

‘You even checked the console once when you lost 4-0.’

‘Hit yourself in the head or something? Don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Oh you don’t wanna admit in front of her, is it?’

‘There’s nothing to admit.’

‘You and me - now. Let’s finish the game.’

‘You’re on. That ok with you, dove?’

‘DOVE?’

‘Just zip it.’

Ananya was seated on the couch, going between the two like a tennis ball, realising she had accidentally opened a pandora’s box. Clearly another thing in common between the brothers - tough competitors, hated losing, especially when it came to any football related stuff.

‘I mean, yeah, fine with me.’

‘Cool.’

They moved in sync and sat on either side of her on the couch. Determined to make the other eat his words. Their large frame making her feel like a minion.

She noticed how they hid their hands from the other, to not let any hint slip by. This was going to be a hard fought war.

‘Gimme a good luck kiss.’

Without waiting for a response, Jude dove in for a quick peck on her lips.

‘That’s not fair.’

‘Yeah? Go get a girlfriend then.’

‘Isn’t it funny how you’ve NEVER said that to me or ANYONE before?’

Jude knew what Jobe was implying, and that he was right. His previous thoughts on relationships was definitely not something he was keen to discuss right now.

‘Just shut it & play, you donut.’

‘How’s donut even an insult? Seriously how do people call you smart & mature & ahead of your age?’

‘Because I AM THAT.’

‘Yeah, so mature yet doesn’t even know how to drive? You’re embarrassing, bro.’

‘BOYS, let’s go back to the game, yeah?’

Ananya was on the verge of bursting into a fit of giggles, multiple times during their (sometimes childish) banter. But somehow managed to keep a straight face.

‘And Jobe, good luck to you too.’

‘Thank you for being fair. Unlike him.’

Jude scoffed at his brother, then looked at Ananya questioningly. She shrugged, mouthing ‘it was the right thing.’

Jude scoffed again, and physically pulled Ananya close to his side. Jobe just shook his head at his childish antics.

An evil thought hit Jude then.

‘Jobe - why don’t you tell her what your fav team was growing up?’

‘Birmingham. Duhh.’

‘I mean, outside of Birmingham, you jerk.’

Jobe went quiet.

‘Ananya - can you guess?’

Jude had no intention of letting this go.

But how was she supposed to guess this?

‘Ummm United? Liverpool?’

‘Nope.’

Jude just looked victorious, while Jobe was avoiding her gaze.

Then it hit her why Jude would be asking her that.

‘NO.’

She turned towards Jobe, feeling betrayed.

Surely not that god-forsaken team. Not Madrid’s most bitter rivals. Not the club Ananya detested with a vengeance.

‘OH YES.’

Jude giggled next to her.

‘It was just for a year or so, like when I was 10 or something.’

Jobe muttered sheepishly, somehow sad about losing her favour. 

‘He even had a jersey. Wanna guess which one?’

‘OH GOD NO.’

‘Hey, that was a gift from my friend.’

‘Coz you loved him so much.’

Ananya just slid even closer to Jude on the couch, as if physically repulsed by the revelation. Jude gave himself a thunderous pat on his back. While Jobe looked at his brother with disgust, which Jude paid no attention to.

‘Like I said, it was just for a year.’

Jobe just left it out there. 

‘It’s fine.’

Ananya recovered from her initial shock, realising it was childish to hold that against him. Or anyone. She was still sticking to Jude though, subconsciously, which he liked very very much.

15 mins into the second half, the score was 2-1. A very tense, intense battle.

But she was struggling to keep her eyes open. It had been a long day, and a super long week. Her head leaned against Jude’s arm and Jude slid down into the couch so she could put her head on his shoulder. Which she gladly did. 

Jobe smiled to himself, not laced with sarcasm this time. He had just never seen his brother so attentive with a girl before. It was a different look on him, a good look, suited him somehow.

Ananya fought hard to keep her eyes open, but 5 mins later she was fully gone. Out like a light on Jude’s shoulder. Both her hands loosely wrapped around his elbow.

Jude paused the game, and Jobe yelled ‘what the fuck’ but shut up immediately when Jude shushed him, looking at Ananya’s sleeping form.

‘I’ll be back.’

Jude whispered softly, and moved carefully to pick her up. She stirred a little with the movement, her head finding its place in the crook of his neck. But his arms were familiar and comfortable.

‘What’s happening?’

She mumbled, half asleep. 

‘Taking you to bed.’

‘Mmmm but the game?’

‘It’s over.’

‘Who won?’

‘Who do you think?’

‘I knew it.’

Jude smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead, while carefully navigating the stairs. Her open hair were blocking his vision but he’d never tie them up willingly. 

He gently placed her on the bed, and she cocooned into her usual sleeping position. Jude tucked her in, but when he started to move away she felt around for his hand.

‘What happened, babe?’

‘You’re not coming in?’

‘Jobe needs a few things. Be back in a bit yeah?’

‘Ok, come soon.’

Jude kissed her forehead and she smiled in contentment, falling back to sleep in next 15 seconds. He turned down the lights and quietly made his way down.

The game somehow didn’t seem as important anymore. 

They finished it off soon. Jude won 3-2. A hard fought win. But he didn’t rub it in Jobe’s face much, given the way he was sulking already. In fact, Jude reached over, grabbed his face and gave him a sweet peck on his cheek. Jobe didn’t pull away from the warmth and comfort that was his brother. A steady presence by his side, always.

‘Hope I didn’t put you in trouble.’

Jobe said as they were wrapping up to go to bed.

‘Nah, its fine. And I got you back for that.’

‘Yeah that was evil.

‘Evil genius you mean.’

‘Just evil.’

‘Meh.’

Jude picked up her bag, her phone and some of his stuff as the brothers went up the stairs.

‘She’s nice.’

Jude turned back and smiled. Jobe smiled even more looking at his silly face.

‘She is, isn’t she?’

‘Who are you and what did you do to my commitment phobic brother?’

‘I honestly don’t know.’

‘It’s crazy though. Like look at you, bro. No one else knows?’

‘Nope.’

‘Didn’t think you had it in you to keep a secret for so long. Especially from mum.’

‘I think she kinda senses though, but just letting me be.’

‘She always lets you be when it comes to girls.’

‘Don’t start complaining now. She lets you be too.’

‘Rubbish. She refuses to acknowledge I’m a grown adult.’

‘Coz you don’t act like one.’

‘Please, like you had to talk to her when I wanted to take that trip this summer.’

‘Coz you are her baby.’

Jude shifted the stuff in his hands to put his arm around Jobe’s neck, pulling his brother into his side.

‘And mine too. You’re everyone’s baby.’

‘Stop calling me a baby.’

‘Then stop having that face.’

They mock wrestled for 30 seconds, before falling into a hug.

As they were about to enter their adjoining rooms, Jobe grabbed Jude’s arm.

‘You look happy, bro.’

‘I am happy.’

‘Then I’m happy for you.’

Jude gave him another kiss to his cheek, and Jobe just smiled affectionately at his overly touchy brother. Jobe was convinced Jude would die if someone tied his hands for a few hours. He couldn’t function without grabbing / hugging / touching the people he was close to.

‘Tell me what she says about me.’

‘Even if it’s bad?’

‘Yeah. But we both know she liked me, despite the fiasco you tried to cause.’

‘We’ll find out.’

‘Have you told her yet?’

‘Told her what?’

‘What you feel about her.’

‘Yeah I always tell her how pretty she is. How I love being around her. How happy she makes me.’

‘What else?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Is that all you’ve told her?’

‘I mean - I tell her a lot of things. Good things. Seriously what do you mean?’

Jobe just shook his head in amusement. Sometimes he couldn’t understand how he was the younger one and Jobe was supposed to be the older one. His brother could be so thick sometimes, not seeing the obvious, not seeing what Jobe could see in a few hours. It was written all over his lovesick face.

But it was not his place to intervene. Not unless Jude fucks up somehow and needs Jobe to spell it out to him. Hopefully they won’t come to that. 

‘Nothing. Was just saying generally. Night, bro.’

‘Night, BABY.’

‘Such a prick.’

Jobe muttered under his breath as he shut the door in Jude’s face.

Jude retuned to his room, hearing Ananya softly snoring under the covers. He really should record that sometime, because she flatly refused to acknowledge her snoring. It was cute though, so he let the sham continue.

He removed the covers to see if she managed to get up & change. But she hadn’t. Still out like a light. It was a torture not being able to do what he wanted with that dress, and with her. 

But he’ll have to wait till morning. 

The stockings looked super uncomfortable to sleep in so he decided to take those off. He had wondered all night how high they went up her legs. Turned out they went super high, till her upper thighs. He reached for the ends, and slowly pulled them down, one by one, letting his fingers graze her legs in the process. Then he lifted her fitted dress up to her waist, letting her have some flexibility to move her legs while asleep. The whole thing he didn’t wanna take off, not wanting to test his restraint that much.

Morning couldn’t come fast enough.

When she felt the bed dip next to her, she automatically moved towards the source of that movement, into his waiting arms. He pulled her into his side, letting her find a comfortable spot to snuggle into. The sound of her soft snores and the feel of her soft body lulling him to sleep, despite a certain part of his anatomy demanding his attention. He willed that part to calm down, promising it enough attention in the morning. Right now, what he had in his arms was more important. 

Jobe’s words rang in his mind.

Yes, Jude was happy. He was very happy being with her.

...................................................................

There you go.

Honestly, after the events of last few days, I didn't think I'd come back to writing this soon. But your messages brought me back. I love love love reading those. Thank you so much for all the love you shower on Jude & Ananya.

And yes - Ch 15 is clear in my head too :)

[cdroloisms]

thinking about c!dream earlier on in the server just makes me sad man. like, c!dream has never been a perfect character. he's always been flawed, always been a bit of an asshole, always had control issues. but also he knew that. he tried to work on that. he and tommy were friends, despite being flawed people with their own issues that would bump into conflicts because of the ways that they differed. c!dream tried, god, he tried; he wasn't even on the server, when the drug van happened, and walked into a place with someone who was practically a stranger to him building a wall and calling for war and having turned half the people dream knew against him, apparently, for no reason that he could've known at the time, and he had looked straight at tommy and tubbo and asked if that was what they really wanted when wilbur told them that there was no such thing as dual citizenship. he tells tommy when he has to sell a disc for spirit's leather even though tommy had surrendered the discs to him at the end of the revolution because he knows it'll matter to him. he and tommy truce, multiple times, and c!dream gets tangled into conflicts that literally don't involve him repeatedly and gets targeted Because He's Dream repeatedly and he plays along with that trivia contest and he gives gifts to fundy and tommy after terrorizing them a little for fun and he plays along with the dreamon thing and he keeps getting pulled into fights that weren't his but tries to make them a little more fair when they get him involved. he fucks around with tommy and they have fun, they're friends, and when he and wilbur look like they're in danger dream is one of the first to find them and lend them real, practical, valuable aid. he calls himself "Big D" in that book and he tells the man that wrote him as a tyrant that he doesn't want to be a villain in the story anymore. he asks tommy if he's okay, and watches that kid's back when he walks alone and unarmed into manberg, and fights with him at the battle of the lake and all of that is thrown back in his face as being a lie. half the intial community structures that exist were built by him; the community house, the nether portal and hub, the prime path. during a time where every other piece of leverage got burned or killed (rip the casualties of the pet war), dream was kind of known for being one that could be fairly traded with, that would minimize permanent damage. the kills in the final control room were originally to strip lmanburg of their gear, which he had kept in a chest so it could be returned to them after the war.

like no c!dream isn't perfect at the beginning of the server. yes he's kind of a jerk sometimes, kind of an asshole sometimes, kind of neurotic most of the time. but god dammit like c!dream does try to mitigate the worst of his control issues, when they flare up early on; the initial disc war ends with tommy getting his discs back as well as a stack of diamonds, in exchange for a netherite chestplate. he's a flawed character and he's still someone pretty friendly on the whole to most of the server, he's also kind of just known for being a little weird. he gives gifts randomly. he fixed creeper holes, and houses, and went along with bits. like whatever im a c!drolo c!dream woobifier and i admit it lol but for as much evil as he ends up doing, pretty damn consistently early on, he's . friendly? kind? funny? helpful? their neighbor. their friend. c!dream isn't just some stranger that flew off the handle; he's someone they knew and lived with who had his actions taken in bad faith because the goddamn story said so and kept fucking trying anyway until he believed the lie too. like he was just a guy!! a guy they knew and lived with!!! like my god

[centrally-unplanned]

Saw this really cool post of a 1982 "SF" (Science fiction but in Japan that included things like anime, manga, tokusatsu, etc at the time) magazine that did a survey of active fan groups/circles at the time - ~woo, precious data! Lets see what we got:

Love to see a good gender breakdown - as is often the case in these things, while it is of course majority men the number of women participating is very strong. You do notice the age imbalance there - many women in their teens and college-aged, but it drops off quickly. I suspect that this is primarily because this survey is right in the middle of the first wave of the "pop SF boom", where more approachable works like Gundam and new manga subgenres were rapidly growing the community. So the older cadre was more heavily men, while the new group is more balanced. However, this is the early 1980's - it might just be that when a woman graduates college she was expected to marry and "settle down" still, inhibiting participation in these kinds of groups. I think it is primarily the former, Japan had pretty rapidly changed in the 1970's and female creative types were commonplace by then, but I won't pretend the latter players no role.

The writing on this page just contextualizes the piece, not much to report, though it does note that "3 people replied 'other' for gender...as a joke!" Sure, jan!

Anyway, on to page 2, what is our poll question of the day...

ロリコンについてどう思いますか? What do you think about lolicon?

....*siiiiiighs* guys I didn't, I didn't look at the second page before typing this up! I just wanted to report the gender data! This just happens to me, I swear -_-

But I can't back out now I guess:

It actually splits the question by gender - men are asked "are you a lolicon" while women are asked "what do you think of guys who are lolicon" - sexists, way to erase the female lolicon. Not actually joking there, it is a quite a thing due to its overlap with rape and dubcon fetishes - but I won't pretend I have expertise on the prevalence of that in 1982 Japan's SF community, even if it you see it today. Anyway, most men are not lolicons (the tallest line), though others fall on a spectrum from interested to "graduated", certainly a choice of words one could make.

Funnily a good dozen say they are called that by others, but not themselves - I believe that is related to the vague line between loli & shoujo aesthetics at the time. Which is important to emphasize, as I always do on this topic - sometimes the word lolicon just means "youthful" or "cute", sometimes it means like high schoolers, and sometimes it means real-deal underage stuff, and you won't know without context.

Meanwhile two women label lolicon men as "cute!", good for those two living their truth, while others are broadly tolerant but have Opinions. Which is fun, because the rest of the page is people sharing said opinions, sorted into "good" or "bad"! Some choice ones:

★ It's a symptom of modern civilization’s sick parts, but also an inevitable phenomenon. It’s better than having a rabbit or cat complex. Don’t lay hands on young girls. Lolicon must remain platonic. (♂/19/)

You see this theme a bit, "symptom of modernity", the new sexual fetishes are a product of a changing world. Certainly up for debate, but also very "in vogue" for the 80's & 90's to worry about that sort of declinist narrative. Then again, guy is a catgirl and bunnygirl hater, not sure we should listen to their shit taste.

On the flip side you get the "natural way of things" types, of which this is my favourite:

★ There’s nothing abnormal about having a dream involving an uncontrollable urge towards pre-teens. Even Romeo and Juliet would have made Romeo a lolicon given Juliet’s age (14), but people don’t think of it that way. Only at that age can girls love and respect men without ulterior motives. (♂/19/)

That last line, you are telling me so much about you with that one!! You can see how this is discourse, right? Like if one side says you are a "symptom of modernity" you ofc respond with "this is how all guys are" and with callbacks to traditional culture.

The "bad" side has a lot of ruthless condemnation, with more than one call for the lolicons to simply die or labelling them worthless scum. The magazine's writers do try to keep the tone breezy but I do think this topic being actually contentious in the community pokes through here. Though this serious one really did undercut herself a bit at the end:

★ I can understand why one person of the same gender might feel admiration or affection for a child or young girl, but for a man to only be able to love much younger women? That’s a mental illness! If they aren’t willing to fix themselves, they might as well die. They’re enemies of women. It's not going to turn out like Nabokov's Lolita. (♀/20s/)

I mean they did also kill jesus Humbert Humbert in Lolita. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill the Lolita guy.

There is an editorial at the end, and it echoes something one of the comments also states; that the lolicon boom was seen as coming from "hard" SF fans, the people who did the really nerdy stuff. There is a word they use actually which is neat: 根暗/Nekura, meaning someone with a "gloomy root". It began seeing use as a slang for hyper-serious, boorish people in the late 1970's and became a fad to use in precisely 1982 - here is a live record of that! They associate "hard SF" fans with these sort of gloomy types who can't take a joke or appreciate hanging out with the buds at a bar, that kind of thing. From there, and here I am reading between the lines, these fans like a sort of "idealistically sterile" world, and lolicon as a preference (in comparison to Real Adult Women) flows naturally.

I mention this because astute readers might be going "oh, like otaku?" and that word was only just buzzing around at this time - it is typically dated to 1983. The editorial writers note that these nekura-types are nowadays proud of that fact, wearing it like an identity:

A: I’m not really sure why, I don’t fully understand the inner workings of the SF world, but it’s like, out there, hardcore SF fans are considered gloomy. Maybe that’s why there’s this connection to lolicon? B: But surprisingly, everyone’s actually pretty cheerful. In today’s world, the 'dark and gloomy tribe' is trendy. It’s like they’re enjoying calling themselves gloomy, almost as a fashion statement.

So yeah, I can totally see proto-otaku discourse going on at the edges here.

There is a third page but it continues in a similar vein. A bunch of mentions of Hideo Azuma, who I am growing increasingly convinced was more of a lodestone for the lolicon boom than is currently appreciated - he is the ur-reference everyone makes. More discussion of girls in sailor uniforms as a gateway drug, yeah yeah, "is fine as long as its fiction", of course of course, one of the magazine editors remarking he wants "a wife for practical uses but a daughter as a pet" yeah okay we can call it we're done here, no more survey data anyway.

Not the topic I expected to find, but still this is really valuable "primary source data" - you can't trust the literary class fully on these things, having first hand quotes from community members on otaku culture in the era is always valuable.

Sorry if you got tricked into reading this - in my defense I did too!