#so to have watched that back in january almost 3 months ago and then watch this and see him achieve the same is so meaningful for me

[skitskatdacat63]

2005 | 2023

[dorotheataylor]

Lover

Pairing- Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader

Summary- Listen to Lover by Taylor Swift

Warnings- FLUFF FLUFF FLUFFF, established relationship, really really small adult talk, this is really cliché, no curses!au, modern!au, my poor english, reader and satoru are so in love :( (i wanna cry) Based on Lover by Taylor Swift <3

Word Count- 2.7k words (excluding lyrics)

A/N- The amount of love I have for this man is insane. Gege when I catch you Gege!! Anyways this is something I imagine everyday with this man and decided why not share this with y’all? Hope y’all like this!

"Good morning Toru," you said in a sleepy voice as you rubbed your eyes.

Satoru smiled and said, "Good morning, my love," placing the coffee mugs on the nightstand nearby and leaning down to kiss you. You kissed him back for a moment but then immediately pulled away.

He looked at you with a frown and you spoke, "you know I have a very bad breath in the morning."

His frown suddenly turned into the grin you adored so much. "And you know that I don't care," he said before leaning down once more and kissing you. And this time you didn't resist.

You snuggled up into him to cuddle. He wrapped his hands around you as he laid beside you.

We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘till January

This is our place, we make the rules

"Happy new year," you beamed before moving even closer (if possible) to him. His body was warm- the body heat you’d always miss when you woke up in bed without him engulfing you.

"Well there's still some couple of hours left," he chuckled before kissing your forehead, "but happy new year."

Although the Christmas tree was gone by now- from the holiday a week ago- multiple strings of Christmas lights remained hung up on the living room walls. Turned off, the fluorescent lights were more gloomy than cheerful due to the festivities being over.

It being the first Christmas with Satoru in the new apartment, the one you both collectively bought together just over six months ago, the holiday was a milestone for your relationship. Decorating the small apartment was fun, placing ornaments carefully on the tree with Satoru while he broke over half of them; accidentally of course.

And now the lights remained, hung up on the walls of the open living room. While you took the first sip of the coffee- the caffeine sliding down your throat and almost scorching your tongue- it was as if Satoru read your mind.

“The Christmas lights are still up, we forgot about them.” There had always been a mysterious way about him, always seeming to know what you were thinking or feeling at any given time.

You'd heard of him in your university days. The uni heartthrob, star basketball player and the guy of every girl's dreams studying with you. Your friend would go on about him every now and then until she found her 'the one' as she called it.

You had to admit that you'd grown a crush on him too but you were too scared. He was the popular guy every girl swooned over, and then there was you, just managing to get through the uni. You doubted if he even knew about your existence. So you never worked on your feelings and just continued the way you lived.

The first time you officially met and talked with him was on the annual prom night. You were sitting alone, trying to get a shot as you watched everyone, including your best friend, dance on the slow song playing in the background.

You'd come there without a date as no one had asked you. You were slightly upset but your friend cheered you up, ditching her own boyfriend to go with you. But after a few hours of having fun, she wanted to spend time with him and of course you didn't mind.

So here you were, deep in thoughts and didn't notice someone coming up to you until the person spoke.

"Hey."

You immediately knew who's voice it was. You turned your head to look at them. And there he stood, dressed up in a black tuxedo, his white hair perfectly styled and faint blush on his cheeks as he showed his smile. Your heart started to pick up its pace as your cheeks heated up. Why would they not? Satoru Gojo, the popular guy of the whole campus and your long time crush, was talking to you.

"Hey," you replied, surprised and internally relieved you didn't stutter.

"Mind if I join you?" he said gesturing over the empty seat besides you.

"Not at all." You said and handed him a drink as he took the seat.

You were surprised, that 'The Gojo Satoru' would be so sweet and awkward at the same time. Still you two talked and got to know each other. Apparently, his date ditched him when he refused for PDA, and he claimed to enjoy your company more.

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

He almost got shy when he asked you for a dance. But you still accepted nevertheless. And let's just say it was the best time of your life. Neither of you two knew how to dance and all the time you were just stepping on each other's foot or just laughing your asses off. You knew you'd just met him but it felt like you'd known him for years.

The night ended with him asking you out. You gladly accepted. And with that, started a beautiful love story one could only ask for.

“I think we should leave them up,” a quizzing look you gave him with your eyebrows prompted him to explain, “you know, ‘cause why not? We’re adults, we don’t have to listen to any rules anymore, right?”

You laughed. “I guess I see your point... but it’s already New Year’s Day, and Christmas was a week ago. If others come around, what will they say?”

"Who cares, this is our place. Meaning," he held you tighter and continued, "we make the rules here. We could live it 'til the next January."

"You're crazy, Gojo." You said playfully and he rolled his eyes.

"Well sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you're stuck with me," he said with a little smirk.

"Wouldn't have it another way." You said giggling and giving him a quick peck on lips before getting out of the bed. As you were about to leave, he held your wrist and pulled you back. You landed back on the bed as he held you tightly once again.

"Let's just stay like this for the whole day." He said as he closed his eyes.

You giggled, "’Toru, if you don't let me go then we won't be getting any breakfast today."

"I don't care." He said as he buried his face in your chest, "you're warm and I want cuddles." You laughed at his childish behaviour and cuddled back with him. You slowly ran your fingers in his hair just the way he liked. He groaned at the feeling and hugged you even tighter.

There was a comfortable and peaceful silence until he said, "by the way I already made us breakfast."

You widened your eyes when you heard him. "Really? I'm surprised the house is not on fire yet."

He sat up and rolled his eyes. "You know I'm a better cook than you."

You hit him playfully on his chest as he laughed. He got out of the bed and went into the kitchen and you went to the bathroom and quickly brushed your teeth, excited to see what he had prepared for both of you.

He came back with two plates of honey-drizzled pancakes. You were sitting on the bed by then and your mouth immediately started watering after seeing the pancakes.

"Tell me how it is." He said after putting down the plates. You took a bite before widening your eyes and looking at him proudly.

"I see you've gotten my recipe perfectly." You said wiggling your eyebrows making him chuckle.

He chuckled, his eyes shining with satisfaction. "I wanted to do something different this time. You're always the one making breakfast, so I thought I'd give it a try and show you that I can make your recipes too. Consider it my New Year's resolution. Plus I know how much you hate to get out of the bed in the morning, so breakfast is now my duty."

Your heart melted at his thoughtful gesture. He had gone out of his way to make you happy, to bring a change to their routine. It was a small act, but it spoke volumes about his love and dedication. You couldn't help but fall in love with him even more if possible.

Moved by his sincerity, you leaned in and kissed him passionately, feeling the warmth of his embrace. In that moment, your connection deepened, your love reaffirmed. Your lips gently parted, and your foreheads touched as you locked eyes, sharing an unspoken language of love and understanding.

You’re my my my my Lover.

"You don't have to do anything special to make me happy." You whispered, "as long as you're with me, I'm content."

A smile graced his lips, and he spoke softly, "I love you."

"I love you too. More than words can express." You said before attaching your lips with his once again.

-

"Cheers to the New Year!" echoed throughout the room as everyone joyously raised their glasses and took hearty sips of their drinks. The lively party was in full swing, with conversations overlapping and laughter filling the air. To your right, was a group engaged in a spirited drinking game, while in a quieter corner, a few couples were making out while Satoru and Suguru shared jokes and laughter near the balcony, relishing their drinks.

I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

You tried to focus on the conversation you were having with your friends but failed miserably. All you could see was the unfamiliar girl who was now flirting with Satoru. He looked like he had no clue about it. Beside him, was his friend Suguru. Unlike your boyfriend, he noticed the dirty glances you were throwing at the girl.

You see him nudge Satoru with his elbow and point your way. Your eyes met his blue ones for a moment when you instantly looked away. You didn’t want to admit that you were jealous but god you couldn’t help it.

I’ve loved you three summer now honey but I want ‘em all

He was so gorgeous with his soft white hair and cold blue eyes that any girl would fall for him. But those cold eyes only showed warmth and love when they looked at you. You were the only one Satoru loved and will continue to do so till the end of time.

You looked at him again only to see him smirk. Can’t able to bear the sight of it, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You excused yourself from your friends and walked over to where Satoru was standing. “Darling, It’s getting late. We should head home.” You said in a saccharine voice with a forced smile. Not waiting for his reply, you pulled him by his arm. The last thing you heard before exiting the venue was some words of 'good luck' directed towards Satoru by Suguru.

When you got into the car, you immediately turned towards the windows, not in the mood to talk. Satoru got inside and smiled at your behaviour.

When you got home, you both had to run inside because it had started raining. You immediately went to the bathroom to get dressed for bed, without sparing Satoru a look. After you were done, you laid on your bed and pretended to fall asleep.

Satoru, very well knowing that you were awake, gave your shoulder a nudge. “Y/N?”

"Go away, I'm trying to sleep."

“I highly doubt that. Is it something I said?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“Well, I wasn’t the one who was totally oblivious to a girl hitting on me when my girlfriend stood just a few steps away.” You scoffed as you sat up.

“You can’t be serious.” He chuckled.

“Of course, I am.”

“Baby, look at me.” He said. When you didn’t listen to him, he cupped your face and made you look at him. He looked straight into your eyes and said, “You know you’re the only one for me, right? You’re the one who I’m deeply in love with.”

When you didn't say anything, he sighed and stood up. "Come with me." He said giving you his hand.

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my Loverr

You looked at him confused but took it nevertheless. "Why are we going outside? It's raining." You said when you noticed you were being led outside the house.

Satoru knew how much you loved the rain. That’s why if he was going to do this, he’ll do this with the things you loved.

You were still trying to comprehend as to why you were in the rain but you didn’t complain. You loved rain. It helped you calm down and helped relaxing your mind.

Satoru led you in your small house garden. You had already started getting soaked from the rain as you asked, “Why are we here?”

And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

“Why? Getting wet already?” he said as you rolled your eyes and laughed. He smiled at you. He swore his heart swells every time he hears you laugh or sees you smile, especially when he is the reason behind it.

“Let’s dance.” He said and spun you around. You laughed when he pulled you towards him and tried to waltz.

“You’re still a terrible dancer.” You said jokingly.

“Well you’re the only one who gets to dance with me so I suggest you get used to it.” He said, trying his best not to mess up the steps.

“Did you learn the basics of waltzing?” you asked when you saw him doing correct steps.

“Well, I know you love to dance and I’m a terrible dancer. So I tried learning just so you can have, not excellent but at least an average dance partner.” He said, scratching his neck sheepishly.

And at every table, I’ll save you a seat Loverr

You didn’t know that you could fall for him even more. He learned to dance, just for you. He knew you loved to dance so he tried to become better at it, just for you. You knew how hectic his schedule can get but still he took some time off it to learn how to dance, just for you. You loved this man so much and you’ll never get tired of admitting this.

Can I go where you go?

“There’s still something I need to do.” He said, now sounding somewhat nervous.

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him in suspicion, “what is it?”

You didn’t want to think the worse but with the way he was behaving, you couldn’t help it. Is this it? Is he going to break things off? You didn’t know how you will survive if your thoughts came true.

Can we always be this close?

He took a deep breath before reaching for his pocket and taking out a small box. He bent down on his knees and held open the box in front of you. You widened your eyes at sight before you and gasped when you realised what was happening.

“Y/N, I never knew I could love someone as much as I love you. You’re the ride and die for me, the one who is everything to me, the one who’s laugh and smiles makes my day, the one who’s tears break my heart, the one who will always own my heart. And I can’t believe that you love an idiot like me. I want you to be the first and only love for me. I want you to be the one who lights up my day with just a smile, who makes my nights beautiful with just a touch.”

Forever and ever and Ah

“I want to be the one for you who you’ll spend forever with just like you have always dreamed of. I don’t want to spend another minute without you being by my side.”

You’re my my my my

“So Y/N L/N, will you marry me?” he finished, tears falling from his eyes. You didn’t know when you started crying but this moment was the best moment of your entire life. You practically jumped on Satoru as you hugged him.

Oh you’re my my my my

“Yes, yes a million times yes!” you said in between your tears as Satoru hugged you back. When you pulled away, he slowly slipped the ring onto your ring finger.

You immediately leaned in and kissed him, pouring all your unsaid love into this kiss. He kissed you back with the same passion as you. You felt like you fell for him all over again. The love story that started long back when you were in university, when you never thought he even knew your existence, when you never thought he’ll notice you, when you never thought he would even speak yet alone dance with you. And you definitely didn’t think that out of everyone, Gojo Satoru was ‘The One’ for you. But even after everything, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Happy new year, Gojo.”

“Happy new year to you too, soon-to-be Mrs Gojo.”

Darling you’re my my my my

Loverrr <3

________________________________________

ever blushed while reading your own writing? I just did lmao. Hope y’all liked this!

[chussyracing]

what has been happening in the world of motorsports lately?

The actual news

Checo confirmed he is out of Red Bull

Liam confirmed he will pair up with Max in Red Bull for 2025

Isack Hadjar got confirmed as VCARB driver for 2025

Valtteri got confirmed as Mercedes reserve driver (with potential that if Kimi underperforms they have a stable experienced driver ready)

Bianca Bustamante is moving to GB3 for 2025 with Elite Motorsport

Sophia Flörsch is joining HMD Motorsports in Indy NXT for 2025

Lilou Wadoux is joining Richard Mille AF Corse in ELMS for 2025 WEC series

Gina Schumacher (she is not a Schumacher anymore is she? But it counts) is expecting a baby girl awwww

This happened some time back already but Mike Crack said that Lance and Fernando are almost the same and the gap between them is really small

Also Domenicali has been speaking more about Lewis to Ferrari and (besides saying they love each other a lot now with Charles) he said Lewis should learn Italian (be so real)

[or not only news, this is unconfirmed as of now] Carlos is supposed to get F1-75 as a car he won his first race with (unfairly :))

since Mercedes had a deal with Monster and they are moving to McLaren and also because of the Celsius deal Ferrari has, Lewis will be parting ways with Monster (there is more to say about sponsors, with UniCredit bank and IBM being added to Ferrari’s portfolio or ByBit leaving Red Bull but getting Ava Trade or Castor leaving Alpine)

Fred confirmed the Ferrari for 2025 will be 99% new (he also brushed away all the headlines they tried to pull out of him about Lewis being washed or whatever they try to get every time)

Lewis started following Ferrari and Ferrari started following Lewis AND Roscoe

He also changed his profile picture and posted on LinkedIn about how he cannot wait for the new champter in red and andiamooo

Briatore (please do not trust a word he says but i will cover it anyway) teased that Jack will START the season with Alpine and then they will evaluate both drivers – what kinda snowballed to it is a rumour about Jack only having 5 races contract for now on

Similarly to this Horner went on about Liam and how he shouldn’t try to beat Max but they expect him to be withing 3 tenths off him

Racing Bulls moved another part of the team to Milton Keynes (do we still even call them Italian team)

Marcus Ericsson is working on Cadillac’s sim, also Pat Symmonds officially started working for Cadillac on 1st of January

Enrico Cardile started working for Aston Martin

Ferrari passed the 2025 crash test (and there are rumours they started working on their car sooner than others for 2025)

Tag Heuer is officially new F1’s time keeper (but i already covered this previously, didn’t i? rip)

Btw i didn’t find any confirmation for this so take it as my theory only but Moet could replace Ferrari Trento on the podiums (Moet is Champagne, Trento is sparkling wine, Moet is part of LVMH which is the umbrella behind Tag Heuer as well)

Senna’s statue in Imola was a target of vandalism not once but TWICE this December

Martin Brundle is on the list to get OBE from King Charles for his service to motorsport broadcast coverage

If you watched some pics from the post season test in Abu Dhabi the tiddy accentualizing fireproofs Charles wore were a part of the new cooling kit which will be used when heat hazard is claimed by FIA during a race weekend

Oh and Dakar started btw do not forget to watch!!

The gossip my comms couldn’t help sharing

Liam to RBR was set up months ago as per Yuki’s manager, so any of his great performances at the end of the season had any influence on it and before he did the after season test with RBR, everyone already knew

Horner explained his decision to the team that Liam has „a higher ceiling“ than Yuki (caugh racism), so although Yuki was better in all statistics than any of his teammates this year (besides race head to head with Daniel where they were equal 9/9), they will give the chance to Liam

Also yes there was a very nasty mention about how Liam is not afraid to be aggressive which is something they criticized Yuki for MERCILESSLY

Also they insisted Isack is faster than Yuki in the Red Bull based on their tests (which is objectively a lie with the different running plans but okay)

Horner has also been very sus about what will happen with Yuki next saying after 5 years in a junior team you have to let a driver go or „think differently“??

Red Bull is using an older wind tunnel of Toyota which Haas also uses and Haas also uses part of Ferrari facilities and shares some info with them as a part of their engine deal (not like. confidental stuff okay)

James Vowles asked FIA to take the few last crashes out of their budget cap, but FIA answered why would they do that because all teams cover their drivers‘ crashes out of the set up budget cap

Flavio Briatore promised Renault CEO Luca de Meo that Alpine will be winning in three years time „or something like that“

Jack is only appointed for the first few races and then it remains to be seen based on his results

Some fun facts

Alpine ended up p6 in the championship which is equal worst result in the constructors of the team under this branding and scored 55 points less than last year which just goes to show the freaking recency bias in this sport (or any sport at that point)

The fact about Pierre costing his team 0 in damage cost is pretty much bullshit but it spread all over the even most credible media, under the „destruction championship“ all costs on the car are counted – even when the drain cover damaged Charles‘ car on the first day of testing, his damage got rambed up like a quarter of a million in costs (notably if you wanna look deeper into it: Pierre’s biggest damage this year stemms from Monaco, Japan and Vegas when he got into collision with Esteban, then he also got into collision with Esteban and then his engine blew out and left a huge gaping hole in his side pod)

McLaren was the first team with no classified DNFs (because lando was classified in Austria)

Oscar completed every racing lap (although he almost got lapped by Lando in Abu Dhabi) as the 4th driver in history after lewis, michael and max

What everyone has been doing during the break

Charles was at some grand opening in Monaco with Prince dickpiercing name

Valtteri got his hair a bit blonder again

Lando and George went skiing

Charles took the other route and went to play golf with both brothers in Mexico where the whole family spent the holidays

Franco received silver Olympia award and then randomly admitted to having sex in the car

Oscar and Logan are allegedly both in the UK

Este got Playstation 5 for Christmas

Nando drove Senna’s McLaren

Daniel had some wine?? Idk i don’t really follow many Daniel blogs (also he deleted some Red Bull related posts from Instagram)

Max was preparing for Chrismas in Monaco (and apparently was just a few meters away from Carlos because Monaco is as big as my flat) but he was also testing GT cars at Portimao (going p1… unexpected)

Carlos also had a fake mustache and piercings applied for a prank (or something. The concept was to surprise someone, do you even call that a prank nowadays?)

Liam cut his hair and he has been giving some controversial interviews

Pierre arguably got even worse haircut (he is bald but not fully bald, go look for it)

[r4fe-cam3ron]

𓍯 ִֶָ FEBRUARY FIRST; side a — someone new - hozier | z. maclaren x reader

w; none!!! just absolute sweetness. an; this is my first time writing for zach and im scared that ive might’ve not done him any justice </3

mixtape here!

February was blistering cold just as it was in January. 

Your teeth chatter, pulling the coat you had on tighter — well, trying too. Your ears were numb, you could confidently say. Your eyes find the small café, your legs quickening their paste, almost jogging to enter for the warmth. 

Finally pushing the door open, a sigh releases from your lips as you make your way behind the counter to clock in. 

“Cold?” 

Your eyes glance over towards Zach, a co-worker who had started just five months ago, the both of you becoming friends quickly — considering who he is. 

“More than cold. I’m frozen,” Your shaking hands fumble to slip off your gloves. “I feel like I can’t even blink.” 

Zach lets out a small chuckle and shakes his head. “You’re brave,” He watches as you begin to work on your jacket, hanging it up on the rack. “Your cheeks are absolutely blistered. Why didn’t you think of even grabbing a scarf?” 

“I was almost cutting it late,” You wash your hands under warm water, letting out a small sigh as you allow them to gain the feeling back into your fingertips. “I didn’t want you being here by yourself much longer.” 

Zach shrugs. “There haven't been many people here today, anyway. They’re not brave enough like you.” 

If your cheeks weren’t already pink from the wind, he would’ve seen the blush that took over your cheeks. Your head slightly dips as it shakes a bit. It was just a cheeky little comment, and yet, still, hearing it come from him was…well, liberating. 

“Yes, well,” You finally turn off the water and pull some napkins to wipe your hand. “They’re not brave like you either.” You turn and smile at him. He smiles back, fixing the sleeves of his sweater. 

“I’ll get lunch so you don’t have to get back out.” 

“We could just eat here,” You motion towards the pastries that line the counter. “You don’t need to get back out.” 

He rolls his eyes. “I want a sandwich. I can eat…” His blue eyes scan the row of sweet treats. “I can have a cinnamon roll after I eat an actual meal.” His brows lift, looking at you. 

You let out a small huff. “Yeah, yeah. Okay,” You glance at the cinnamon roll. “How long have they been sitting out?” 

His face turns into a small grimace causing you to giggle slightly. “I don’t know, actually.” 

“Okay, I’ll get started on some fresh ones.” 

Zach smiles a bit, watching as you walk into the kitchen before turning back towards the register. When he started here, it was just for taking up a little extra time since soccer hadn’t started up yet and he didn’t want to be cooped inside all the time, plus, it’s something to make a bit of extra money. 

He considered himself lucky when they scheduled you at the same time as him when he started — a kind soul, ready to jump if he needed help. 

It took a while to get you to become comfortable around him, but once you finally allowed yourself to be you, he found himself growing fond of you quickly. 

As time passes, you finally grace him with your presence once again, a bit of flour dusted along your temple — cliché, he thinks to himself, smirking as he continues sweeping the floors. 

“Still no one?” You frown a bit, glancing at the door. 

He makes his way around the counter to dump the remaining trash out of the dustpan into the trash, placing the broom away and walking over to wash his hands. “Nope. Still no one,” You hum slightly, turning and leaning against the counter. “You already finished rolling out the cinnamon rolls?” 

“Mhm,” You nod. “Cinnamon rolls are my favorite to make.” 

He smiles a bit and wipes his hands free of the water that remains and turns as he glances at the clock. “Okay,” He tosses the drenched wipe. “Time to brave the cold — lunchtime.” 

You watch as he grabs his jacket, slipping it on. “Are you sure you want to walk back out in that?” You frown.

“Of course,” He grabs the beanie, slipping it over his blonde hair with a grin. You smile and can’t help but think of how cute he looks. “The sandwich shop isn’t that far anyway. I’ll be quick. Think you can hold down the shop while I’m gone?” He smirks as he walks towards you, stopping in front of you. 

“Of course.” 

He nods and lifts his hand, wiping the flour that remains on your skin. You want to cower away and melt into his touch all the same. “Good. See you in…forty minutes.” 

“Okay. Good luck.” 

He chuckles and makes his way towards the door, letting out a small breath as he steps out into the winter air, immediately feeling his toes grow cold inside his shoes. He turns and waves at you through the window. 

You smile and he can’t help but imagine the small giggle you let out when you do. Your arm lifts and waves. He’s off then. 

Around the thirty minute mark, you decide to slip the cinnamon rolls into the oven and start working on the icing — you decide to make it a bit festive for this month. Red and pink. 

The bell outside catches your attention, head lifting when the door swings open. Zach holds up a brown bag. “Lunch.” He says simply. 

You smile a bit. “We can eat back here,” You nod. “It’s a bit warmer back here anyway.” 

He nods. Placing the bags down on the counter, he slips off his gloves. “I, uh,” He watches as you turn towards him. He decides to wait on what he was actually going to say. “I think I got your order right. I hope.” 

You shut the refrigerator door shut, making your way over. The both of you opt to just stand. “I’m sure you did. But you also didn’t have to worry about getting me anything.”

“I wasn’t just going to eat in front of you,” He rolls his eyes playfully, nudging your shoulder softly. “Plus, I don’t mind it.” 

You look away, a bit bashful, and you’re sure he can see the blush on your cheeks now. Opening the sandwich, you peek under the top piece of bread. “How did you even remember that?” You pick up the half. 

He shrugs a bit. “Just…a lucky guess.” Wrong. Zach likes studying you — down to your mannerisms and the way your face may scrunch when you’re thinking too hard about something. So remember a sandwich order - or the way you liked your coffee? Easy work. 

You both eat in silence, the crunching of chips filling the air every now and then. You decide to save the other half of your sandwich and chips for later, placing them into the brown bag. Zach tosses his paper, finally unzipping his coat, deeming himself warm enough. 

The bell from outside catches both of your attention. Zach smiles. “A customer. I’ll be back.” He says. You nod and turn your attention towards the oven, peeking inside. 

The sweet smell makes you let out a little sigh with a small smile. You pull out the icing you had made, placing them on the counter along with a cooling rack. 

Once the oven beeps, you turn it off and pull the pan out carefully, placing them down. 

You plate two rolls, before putting some red icing on one and the pink on the other. You grab two forks and place it on the plates. You make your way back to the spot, waiting quietly for Zach as you fumble with your fingers. 

You quickly glance up when he steps back in. “Oh, yum,” He walks over. You smile and watch as he immediately cuts his open. 

Your smile quickly drops, twisting into worry as he leads some to his mouth. “Wait, Zach, they just came out of—” He yelps, dropping the fork with a clatter. You wince, quickly walking over to the refrigerator, grabbing a to-go cup, filling it with milk. 

You make your way back over and place it into his hands. 

He gulps down the milk quickly, downing it in one go. Your stomach hurts just thinking about drinking anything that fast. 

“They just came out.” You finally say. 

He glances at you, nodding. “Tell me about it.” He groans a bit. 

You let out a soft laugh, patting his bicep softly. “You okay?” 

“Besides my taste buds still tingling a bit, yeah,” He smiles when your laugh grows a bit louder than the last one you’d let out. He clears his throat. “I actually have you something.” 

You tilt your head. Your smile falters, but still remains on your face. “You do?” 

He nods. “Yeah,” He reaches into his back pocket, retrieving and handing you a red envelope. Your eyes drop and you slip it from his grasp softly. “It’s…kind of silly. But…” He trails off, shrugging his shoulders. 

You flip it, flipping open the flap he had stuffed inside instead of licking the bitter glue that lines it. You slip out a thin card, your cheeks beginning to hurt as you read over it. 

It’s a Valentine’s day card with a puppy’s head in a jar of jam, the words ‘When I get out o’ this jam will you be my valentines?’ 

Your eyes lift from the card and look at Zach who quickly looks away. “This is so cute, where did you find this?” 

“Oh, uh,” He looks back at you, scratching at the back of his neck. “Some…antique shop back home. I…It kind of reminded me of something you might like,”

You smile and look back down at the card, eyes tracing over the writing of your name in Zach’s handwriting. 

“I was just wondering, since we aren’t working the fourteenth if you’d like to go have dinner? Or whatever you’d like to do I’m cool with. Or if you don’t want to, that’s cool as well.” You giggle to yourself as his words run together ever-so-slightly, looking up at him. 

For a confident guy — he sure does seem nervous. 

“Yeah. I’d love that actually.” 

His brows lift a bit. “Wait, really?” 

You step a bit closer, lifting on your toes and allow your hand to pull his head down slightly, pressing a kiss against his cheek softly. “Really.” 

He stares at you, blinking slowly as he nods. “Uh, okay. Great. Cool. We can…You can decide on what we—”

“Zach,” You cut him off. “You can choose. Surprise me,” You nod, eyes soft with affection. It practically melts him and eases away any anxious and lingering doubt that picks on him. 

“I’ll love anything.” 

He nods slightly. “Okay…I’ll plan something out and let you know the dress code.” 

You laugh again, pressing another kiss to his cheek. “Good. I can’t wait.” You pull away from him, but remain close to him. He watches you with a smile as you read over the card once again. 

“I can’t wait either.”

𓍯 ִֶָ tags; @ali-r3n — @marchsfreakshow — @dearestjune — @sstar-ggirl

𓍯 ִֶָ thank you for reading! comments, reblogs, and feedback is welcomed and greatly appreciated!

[justforbooks]

‘I felt nothing but disgust’: Tesla owners vent their anger at Elon Musk

The tycoon’s links with Donald Trump and Germany’s far-right AfD have slammed the brakes on sales and put the car’s owners in a spin

When Mike Schwede first sat in a Tesla Roadster 15 years ago, he felt like it was a glimpse into the future. By 2016, he was the proud owner of a Tesla, revelling in the thumbs up he would get from other drivers as he whizzed along Europe’s highways in the electric vehicle.

But of late the sheen of owning a Tesla has begun to wear off. For years the brand has been synonymous with Elon Musk and his stance against the climate crisis. Recently, Schwede watched aghast as the Tesla CEO poured hundreds of millions into backing Donald Trump as he made promises to ramp up domestic oil and gas production.

“He was getting more and more weird,” said Schwede, an entrepreneur and digital strategist based in Switzerland. The final straw came when Musk made back-to-back fascist-style salutes during Trump’s inauguration in January. “I felt nothing but utter disgust,” said Schwede. “And I no longer enjoyed sitting in my Tesla.”

On Tuesday, data from the European Automobile Manufacturers’ Association showed sales of new Tesla cars almost halved in Europe last month. The figures left analysts scrambling to assess how big a factor customers turning their backs on the brand because of Musk’s foray into far-right politics may be.

The Texas-based carmaker sold 9,945 vehicles in Europe in January, down 45% from last year’s 18,161, the association said.

Now, there are signs existing Tesla owners who have become disgruntled with Musk’s views are making their anger heard.

Schwede contemplated selling his car, but after racking up more than 60,000 miles on it, there was little value left in it. So he came up with his own means of reclaiming his Tesla and the liberal ethos that had underpinned his purchase; he began donating 10 cents for every kilometre driven to a range of charities, countering Musk’s support of the far right with direct support to those who help LGBTQ+ youth or fight hate and extremism. “It was something Elon wouldn’t like,” he said. “That’s my personal revenge.”

It’s a hint of how some Tesla owners in Europe are fighting back, putting up their own – albeit small-scale – resistance as Musk wades into global politics, using his wealth to help secure Trump’s return to the White House and his sprawling influence to back far-right and anti-establishment parties across Europe.

For Germany’s Patrik Schneider, the turning point came as he was heckled by a stranger at a petrol station, who pointed to his Tesla and called him a Trump supporter. Saddled with a long-term lease on the vehicle, he scrambled to find a way to address his relationship with a brand that – in his mind – had soured.

“Of course, as a Tesla driver you were always the fool: the Green party voter, the world saviour, the CO2 guy,” Schneider told Germany’s Capital.de media. “But now you’re in a category that’s no longer funny.”

What he came up with was a line of “Anti-Elon stickers” for Tesla cars. In an echo of an American initiative, he began selling the stickers online six months ago, taking orders for messages that range from “I bought this before Elon went crazy” to “Elon sucks”.

As Musk waded more deeply into German politics, hosting the far-right AfD’s co-leader, Alice Weidel, in an interview on X and turning up at an AfD rally where he disparaged multiculturalism and lambasted the country’s focus on “past guilt”, demand for the stickers soared.

Demand has now climbed to as much as 2,000 stickers a day, with orders pouring in from across the German-speaking world but as far as Australia and South Korea. All of it was done without any advertising, said Schneider, adding wryly: “Elon Musk does that for us.”

Others have called for the actions to go further. In Poland – where the Nazi German occupation led to the deaths of 6 million Poles, including 3 million Jews – the country’s tourism minister called on citizens to boycott Tesla after Musk’s surprise appearance at the AfD rally. “All I can say is that probably no normal Pole should buy a Tesla any more,” Sławomir Nitras recently told Polish broadcaster Tok FM. “A serious and strong response is necessary, including a consumer boycott.”

In August, the German drugstore chain Rossmann said it would no longer buy Tesla cars for its corporate fleet, citing Musk’s support for Trump, while the German energy company LichtBlick said on social media that it would be “pulling the plug” on the Tesla vehicles in its fleet, citing Musk’s backing of “a rightwing populist and extremist party”.

The message was echoed recently by UK-based campaign group Led by Donkeys after they projected images of Musk’s salute on to the facade of the Tesla gigafactory near Berlin.

“The world’s richest man, Elon Musk, is promoting the far right in Europe,” the campaign group wrote on social media after their collaboration with Germany’s Centre for Political Beauty. “Don’t buy a Tesla.”

In London, activists put up a parody “Tesla – The Swasticar” bus stop advert with the tagline “goes from 0 to 1939 in 3 seconds”, referencing the start of the second world war, and stickers with similar wording have been slapped on Tesla cars. In Tottenham, north London, a member of the activist group People vs Elon took a cardboard cutout of Musk’s salute into a Tesla dealership.

In Sweden, the EV maker Polestar has sought to capitalise on the discontent. “We get a lot of people writing that they don’t like all this,” the company’s CEO, Michael Lohscheller, told Bloomberg, adding that he had directed sales staff to target disgruntled Tesla owners.

After a Dutch poll suggested 31% of respondents who owned Teslas were considering selling them or had already done so, it remains to be seen what the impact will be on the company. Matthias Schmidt, a Germany-based automotive analyst, said “2025 will be one of the biggest tests for Tesla.”

“With all respect, consumers tend to be like goldfish; they tend to forget things very quickly,” Schmidt added. “But Germany is potentially slightly different because of its history … The shift to him backing the AfD was potentially far more damaging in Germany than his move to back Trump.”

Last year, Tesla saw sales in Germany plunge 41% – outpacing the overall 27% decline in EVs across the country – as rivals rolled out their own electric vehicles and governments rolled back subsidies.

Figures for early 2025 show that Tesla sales fell sharply across several European markets. Registrations were down 63% on a year earlier in France, 59% in Germany, 44% in Sweden, 38% in Norway and 12% in the UK.

While buyers could be reacting to Musk’s comments, other factors may also be at play as consumers await Tesla’s release of the updated Y model, said Schmidt.

When contacted by the Guardian, Tesla did not reply to a request for comment. But late last month, Musk appeared to be upbeat during a call with investors, hinting that 2025 may be a tough year but that 2026 would be “epic” for the company.

“Musk is kind of like a character that – like a cat – has nine lives,” said Schmidt. “And he’s almost used up those nine lives. And it will be interesting to see what happens now.”

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[mystic-writings]

emergency contact | jack hodgins

pairing — jack hodgins x fem!booth!reader

summary — hodgins hasn’t heard from you in over six months, after you broke up with him and disappeared. until he gets an alarming phone call in the middle of the night

warnings — angst, canon-typical violence, mentions of death

word count — 2,528

notes — a few things: i wrote this back in january, and it was rushed and poorly done but im being self-indulgent for this one | also im not tagging anyone bc i wanna see how far this will get on its own (except for my beloved @shmaptainwrites who indulged me ily mimi)

masterlist | navigation

2:47am

Despite his many years working for the Jeffersonian, Hodgins had yet to get used to his phone ringing at odd hours. With a groan and a stretch, his palm landed where his phone lay on the nightstand table. Without checking the caller ID, he picked up the phone and slurred out a tired greeting to the caller on the other line.

“Hello, Dr. Hodgins, I’m Marie, calling from the George Washington University Hospital.” Why was a hospital calling him so late at night? “You’re listed as the emergency contact for Y/n Booth, correct?”

Your name sent a shock through Jack’s body. “I— I guess so, yeah. Why? Is she okay?”

“Your fiancée was shot on duty, sir. She’s in surgery right now. We suggest you be with her when she wakes up.”

Without a second thought, Jack hung up the phone and flung out of bed. He didn’t care how things ended between the two of you, good or bad, but he knew one thing for certain: he needed to make sure you were okay. After scrambling for a decent set of clothing and his car keys, Jack rushed out of the house and down the near-empty streets to the hospital you were taken to. 

Even though his mind was running at a mile a minute, Jack managed to recall what the nurse had told him. Shot on duty. You took a sabbatical seven months ago, were you back in town? Surely Booth must’ve known, he was your brother and co-worker, he had to have. Did he spare telling Jack to avoid the inevitable turmoil? Obviously you’d been back long enough to take a case, so it wasn’t like you had decided to come back out of the blue. 

By the time he found parking, it was half past 3 in the morning, and Jack’s heart refused to stop beating out of his chest, his palms sweating rivers as he clenched and unclenched them. Despite all of this, though, he approached the front desk with a cracking resolve, trying his best to be put together for the sake of not distressing the night staff and lingering patient family members. 

“Could you tell me where Y/n Booth is?”

The nurse behind the counter glanced up at him. “Connection to the patient?”

“I’m her-” he stumbled on the words. “Her, uh, fiancé. Emergency contact.” 

She typed a few things into the computer when a voice from behind caught Jack’s attention. 

“Hodgins.” Booth called, approaching with a weary face and a cup of likely burnt coffee.

Jack nearly sprinted over to the man, blue eyes frantically searching for answers in his features. “What’s up, man? I mean, what the hell happened?”

Booth took Hodgins by the arm and led him down a hallway, over to the elevators. “We were going after a perp. I told her not to go in first, that I’d handle the hard part. She didn’t listen, the bastard got her from behind, shot out one of her kidneys. Been in surgery for almost,” he checked his watch, “three hours now.” 

Jack deflated just as the elevator doors dinged open. The pair stepped inside, the space empty apart from themselves. “I just— I don’t get it. Yesterday, she was somewhere even I didn’t know, taking some damn sabbatical. Yesterday, I was still pissed at her. Now? She’s in surgery because she was on a case. Because some asshole shot her. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do with that, Booth?”

Unable to provide any kind of emotional support or response, Booth remained quiet as his friend tried his best not to break down in the elevator. 

When the doors opened, Jack attempted to regain his composure as best as he could while Booth led him down the hall. There was a separate waiting room here, for family members who had someone in surgery. He sat opposite Booth, next to a sleeping little girl and her obviously exhausted mother. 

He had no bearing of the passage of time, and felt as though there was no energy left within him to check the watch on his wrist. All he did was sit with his hands on his knees, head tilted to the sky, one leg bouncing like an infinite rubber ball. At some point, a doctor came out to notify the mother of her husband’s successful surgery — his tumor was gone, he’d told her, and there was little chance of it coming back. 

It wasn’t until the sun started to peek in through the waiting room windows that a surgeon called out your name. Booth had been asleep in the chair across from Jack, but he was wide awake. The pair jumped up and approached the doctor, throwing questions at him rapidly. 

“Y/n is okay. Surgery went well, though we’ll have to keep her here for longer than expected.”

“Why? What happened?” Booth asked. 

The doctor sighed. “Due to the location of the entry wound, the bullet caused too much damage to her right kidney. For now, she’ll only be functioning with one until we can find a donor match. She’ll be on dialysis weekly and some medication to assist the working kidney, but otherwise, she’ll be just fine in a week or so. The bullet did puncture the liver and small intestine, but the speed of the bullet slowed enough to only cause minor damage, nothing we couldn’t fix up.” He told them, and a wave of relief crashed over the pair. “She’s being brought up to her room now, if you’d like to go wait with her.”

Jack only nodded, Booth trailing him as the doctor led them up one more floor, where you were being transferred to the ICU. It was painful, seeing you after so  long, only for you to be hooked up to so many machines, laying nearly helpless in a bed. He pulled a chair up to your right side, reaching for your limp hand to hold, hoping you could feel him. 

Hoping you knew he was there. That you knew he always would be.

Booth leaned against the door frame, watching everything with anguish. After you left for California, you kept in constant contact with your older brother. But even in those months, you never explained why you broke off the engagement so suddenly. Why you took a surprise sabbatical, why you went to California specifically. Why you became so closed off, so cold to everyone, even to Parker. 

After a while, Booth left Jack alone to go pick up Parker from his mother’s house. He promised to be back later, your nephew in tow, and pressed a featherlight kiss to your forehead before he left. 

Jack, swimming in an ocean’s worth of thought, barely noticed the sun coming over the horizon in the window opposite him. All he could do was process the emotions flowing through him. Anger, that you left him so suddenly and without explanation. Despair, that you’d come back so long ago and didn’t come to see him, to work things out. Worry, that despite your life-saving surgery, you wouldn’t get a new kidney, or that you’d never be the same again. Anger again, but at the bastard who shot you. Triumph, that he was rotting in a cell right now. 

 Jack’s only comfort in the sterile, whitewashed room was the steady beeping emanating from the heart monitor, a small assurance that you were okay. His hand remained clasped over yours for hours, thumb stroking the smooth skin on the back of your hand. Partly as a comfort to himself that you were still there, but mostly, he believed, a comfort to you. He hoped you could feel it; that you could feel his presence. He hoped his presence comforted you. 

By the time you woke up, all the worry had faded from Jack’s body and exhaustion had taken its place. He was asleep, head supported by his arm on the side of the chair, when he heard the sheets rustle in the bed. 

Somehow, in all your years of work, this was the first time you ended up in the hospital due to a job-related injury. It wasn’t the first time you woke up dazed after a surgery with little memory of how you got there, though. 

The sheets, despite being thin, weighed down your legs and torso, providing warmth and comfort. You could feel the leads for the heart monitor stuck to your chest, irritating your skin in the slightest bit. There was a cannula feeding oxygen into your system, though it rubbed the skin on the back of your ears uncomfortably. The main thing, though, was that your torso hurt. 

Despite that, you managed to notice something weighing down your right hand. It was warm, warmer than the blankets. And heavier. Garnering the courage to open your eyes, you blinked to adjust to the sunlight and fluorescent lights, trying to shift yourself upward, wincing when it pulled on your wound. Instead, you glanced over at your hand, only to find another on top of it. Following the arm connected to it, your heart stuttered and cracked when you found a sleeping Hodgins sitting next to your bed. Emotion swelled within your chest and tear ducts just at the sight of him, sleeping so peacefully next to you, his hand over yours in a firm grasp, as if that was the only thing that assured him that you were really here. 

Slowly, quietly, you tried to pull your hand out from under Jack’s, only for the movement to wake him up. He stretched with a deep inhale, blinking rapidly as he took in his surroundings. It wasn’t until he noticed you were awake that he seemed to come to his senses. 

“Hey,” he nearly whispered. “How’re you feeling?”

You bit back a scoff. “Terrible. First job back and of course I had to get myself shot.” 

Jack fought a smile, scooting forward to raise the bed up for you to sit properly. “They said they got all the fragments of the bullet during surgery. You’re down a kidney for now, though.”

You only nodded, allowing yourself some time to gather your thoughts. “Why are you here, Hodgins?”

“Apparently, I’m still your emergency contact.” He told you, sitting back down and resting his elbows on his knees. “And apparently, I still care about you enough to show up.” 

“Don’t put that on me.” You whispered, chest restricting as tears fought their way back to your waterline. “You can’t say that to me. Not after what I did to you. You should hate me. I mean, really hate me. Like, praying for my downfall, kind of hate. You shouldn’t still care about me.”

“Well, apparently I do. I thought I hated you, for a long time. But I guess I don’t.” Jack sighed,  taking your hand. You wanted to protest, to pull away, but you let him. “I guess this was a wakeup call for me. Literally. They called me at 3 in the morning to tell me you were in surgery.”

You laughed, a wet sound underlined with sadness. “I’m sorry, Jack. Really, I am. I just…”

“What, don’t love me? It’s okay. I’ve learned to live with it.” 

Even when he should hate you, Jack still understood, and even worse, he still loved you. He was, somehow, the world’s most understanding man. God, you love him. 

“No, no I don’t hate you. Actually, it’s the opposite. I just wish things could’ve gone differently.” 

Now Jack was just confused. “What d’you mean? You broke up with me for a reason, right? You told me you didn’t love me anymore.”

“It’s too complicated, Jack. I want to explain it all to you, really, but it’s not safe. I don’t know if or when it will be, and I won’t blame you if you want to find someone else, or if you already have. You deserve to be happy, Jack. You should move on from me.” 

“I don’t want anyone else.” Jack said, emphasizing each word and squeezing your hand. “I just want you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were it for me, Y/n. Even with your brother breathing down my neck to not even think about pursuing our relationship. It was terrifying, but I ignored it. Because you were too important to have in my life. I couldn’t risk passing you up. I just don’t understand why you ended things so suddenly.”

The tears that you had been attempting to keep at bay for this entire conversation now flowed freely down your cheeks, the emotions you’d kept close to your chest for nearly a year now breaking free. Jack, like the gentleman he was, gently tilted your head toward him, reaching up and using the pads of his thumbs to brush them from your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered, daring to look him in the eye. 

“Don’t be.” He whispered. 

“I have to be. I hurt you. I ruined everything. And it wasn’t even worth it. It  didn’t change anything.”

Despite his confusion, Jack said nothing. He simply stood to his full height and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling you into his chest — minding your wounds and stroking your hair. “It’s okay. You’re home now. We can fix this.”

“No we can’t.” You shook your head, looking up at him. “Jack, there’s nothing left to fix. Because if we fix it, you’ll die.” 

After what felt like an eternity of swirling, spiraling thoughts, Jack found his voice. “What?”

“That’s why I left.” You said. “I was ordered to. I was working on a case, some underground organized crime syndicate. I found out some stuff I shouldn’t have. My hands were tied, I had no choice.” Choking back a sob, you wiped the tears from your face and took a breath. “It was either break up with you, call off the wedding, and leave, or everyone I loved would die. They were gonna kill you, kill Seeley and Parker, and drain your accounts. There was nothing I could do.” 

Jack pulled you in tighter, his whole worldview shifting and turning on an axis. He couldn’t speak — hell, he could barely even think right now. Jack had spent months grieving your relationship, questioning why you broke things off, harboring a ruthless anger at what his life had become, and all of it faded to dust in an instant. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you whispered, pulling Jack back to the present. “I work with these people, Jack. They could ruin me in an instant.” 

“We’ll fix this, I promise.” Jack declared, and despite the fear that had overridden your senses for the past few months, you couldn’t help but believe him. 

You only nodded, curling further into him as best as you could with your incisions. Fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie, you listened to the beat of his heart beneath you and took a deep breath. 

Soon enough, you were drifting off to sleep with the firm belief that soon enough, with the help of your family, somehow, everything would be okay. 

if you want more jack fics, please feel free to comment and let me know!! writing for smaller characters is always a gamble but if people read this i’d be more than happy to do so!

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[panda-writes-kpop]

heyyyyy folks, it's been a while (over 3 months but who was counting... 🤷‍♀️). the last three months have been INSANE, i've never written so many papers or done so many essays or completed so many assignments 🫠 and that's just the school part of it - i also work part time at a local grocery store and I interned for two days a week at a local health department 😌 so to say I've been busy would be an understatement, to say the least 😭

life's also been pretty stressful on top of everything else - i've had a grandparent in and out of the hospital and care facilities over the past three months. there's a pretty good chance that he will spend the rest of his life in a nursing home/hospice, depending on if he needs end of life care or not. it sucks, and i really don't know what else to say 😕

add on a nice topping of ✨️post us election dread✨️ and i hit my breaking point about a month ago. i love writing from the bottom of my heart, but i needed to take care of me first 🫶 so i took some time to relax, finished the blue lions route in fe3h, and almost finished watching s4 of supernatural 💙 don't worry - i'm in a better place now that school is over, and i have time to destress.

which brings me back to my writing. I did start writing a Christmas fic featuring one of the aespa members that I'm hoping to get out before Christmas, but I'll be happy if it comes out before 2025 😌 plus I need to do siyeon's birthday fic for this year, so I'm all caught up with them 💖 then it's time to work on requests before I go back to school in the middle of January 😭 I've given up on a schedule at this point, my life is so hectic at the moment so I cannot make any promises to y'all but i'll try to post as much as i can 🫶

but thank you for sticking around, if you're still following me after these three months 🫶 i promise there will be good things to come in the new year, once i get my shit together and life stops throwing endless curveballs at me.

I hope you all have a happy holiday season with your friends or family!! Eat good food and take care of yourself - it's easy to stress yourself out this time of year. Finals are over for us college folks, and it's time to relax and enjoy our loved ones (and the food!!) If you don't have anyone to spend the holidays with, I wish you nothing but happiness and love for the holiday season! 💜

much love and many, many thanks for a wonderful 2024 on tumblr,

panda/katie 🩷

[redgoldblue]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

tagged by @itwoodbeprefect - i have also been thinking about this so thank you for taking the initiative!

tagging @faorism @gallantrejoinder if you'd care to do this in any form (including as writing/art review)!

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 52,220, apparently. Which is actually... basically last year's but minus 10k because I didn't do H50 Big Bang this year, because med school. most things in my life now can be stated as 'because med school'. (actually I just realised I didn't do it last year either, but that was because I was already finishing a 10k H50 fic. so my point stands)

fics posted: either 6 or 29, depending on whether one counts the advent calendar as one fic or 24. plus 3 posted only on Tumblr.

first fic: love don't treat you like that (babe, I'm letting you know) (H50). on the NINTH of january, apparently. i've already lost my first-fic-of-the-year contest to last year, unless i unexpectedly finish something today.

last fic: Advent Calendar 2023 / ...Zaph Kilkane, the pre-eminent climate scientist of the 22nd century...

-

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

would you believe I literally did not repeat a fandom this year, outside of the advent calendar. and this year's AC had the most fandoms since 2019.

Hawaii Five-0 (McDanno)

NCIS: LA (Sallen)

Starsky & Hutch (S/H)

House MD (Hilson)

MASH (Punnihawk)

and then AC-only ones:

Star Trek (Spirk)

The Man From UNCLE (Napollya)

911 (Buddie)

Due South (i don't know ship names. are there ship names? Fraser/RayK)

Good Omens (Azcrow)

Leverage (thiefsome)

Almost Paradise (Ernesto/Alex. alesto. i'm coining it)

-

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

I mean, I have 6 posted fics that can be kudosed separately.

love don't treat you like that (babe, I'm letting you know) (H50)

When You're Loving Me (That's When I'm Loving You) (NCIS: LA)

Advent Calendar 2023 (see above. nine fandoms)

my powers of expression and thoughts so sublime / could never do you justice in reason or rhyme (House MD)

Finding A Cure In You (S&H)

-

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

okay, I'm going to count distinct chapters of the advent calendar for this. in no particular order and subject to mood change:

When You're Loving Me (That's When I'm Loving You) (NCIS: LA) - I cited this as a contender for my favourite fic I've written a couple months ago, so obviously it has to go in the year's. what can i say, fake dating is an immaculate trope, and this also all came onto the page very easily which is always vaguely miraculous.

there you go pulling me right back in (H50) - sometimes vague prompts i've had down for ages write up as something that's. fine, but a bit clunky, and I just have to move on bc it's the advent calendar and a new fic each day. sometimes I start writing them and they spring into life with joyous delight. or in this case, uninhibited grumpiness and love.

singing yesterday's songs wishing i could be with you tonight (MASH) - the one that didn't make it into the top 5 kudosed, I assume partially due to being locked and partially due to being a serious tone, not terribly shippy, and Peg POV. But I've had some version or other of it for a long time, it's one of those stories I'm genuinely proud of, and I was glad to finally post it.

Totally Normal (Due South) - it's fun. it was fun. I was slightly nervous about it, because the only prior Due South thing I'd written was Dief POV and this was Fraser and RayK POV and the first time writing either of those, but it turns out watching + liveblogging four and two seasons, respectively, of a character in four months is. enough to cement their voices in my head. it was unexpectedly easy and also. fun.

Festive Spice (MUNCLE) - i just think it epitomises the advent calendar. in the words of coolbreezemage, 'yesssss bake cakes and kiss your partner'.

HMs:

Finding A Cure In You (S&H) - this doesn't make it to the above list due to the fact that I haven't actually managed to reread it since I posted it. but just for the amount of time I spent with it, how different it is to my usual M.O. of writing, and the weird way I wrote it (entirely in the notes app, with almost zero rereading while writing), I have to somehow mention it.

A Thousand Words / To Be Spared (Good Omens) - I don't know if they're favourite but I do think they're good. and the format of to be spared was pleasingly experimental and i think it worked.

-

Fandom Fic Events 🤝

also the Starsky & Hutch SHarecon zine! which the zine still holds copyright on, but will be posted in April.

-

Projects for 2024 👀

mmm gonna sort this differently and also ramble

Ones that will definitely be finished in 2024 and if they aren't you have free rein to come to my house and tie me to a chair come November: MUNCLE wip, The Unwitting Truth Affair/The Honesty Affair, I haven't actually decided which title yet;

Starsky & Hutch, the still-unnamed Huggy & Pete wip.

Ones I have both hope and some amount of faith will be finished in 2024 and if they aren't you have free rein to come into my inbox and harass me about them: Hawaii Five-0 wip, Much Ado About Something (*salutes squares*);

other Hawaii Five-0 wip, state of disrepair. yes, I'm manifesting state of disrepair 2024. probably november/december 2024, but i'm manifesting it anyway;

Leverage wip, all that I want is a kind heart to haunt

Ones I would like to be finished in 2024, and if my brain decides it likes them might be, but all you have free rein for is to politely ask me about them once per business month: Hawaii Five-0 cath/steve/danny pwp, Wait A Minute Let Me Take You There;

horny S&H wip, Previews Of Your Body Driving Me Insane;

S&H Vanessa coda, so cordial / so rotten (don't ask me);

Good Omens wip, love won't you be as you've always been

Ones I don't expect to finish in 2024 but would like to get some words down in: angsty S&H wip, Relentless As The Rain;

ridiculous undercover H50 wip, Four Seasons of Love;

other ridiculous H50 wip, The Irritating, Annoying, Infuriating, (Effective) Seduction Techniques of One Steven J. McGarrett;

SPN ..wip? depending on the time limit on 'progress'?, Smells Like Turpentine.

vague thoughts: i'd like to write a full-length (for whatever value of that. the AC ones actually were full-length, especially the second one, but what I really mean is AC-independent) due south fic. they're very weird and i enjoyed writing them, and I'd also like to write something with RayV in it. maybe if I successfully inspired @itwoodbeprefect to write new ds, when she does that it will inspire me to write something, and we can set up a ping-pong game. no, wait, that's mixing fandoms.

I expect more MUNCLE fic. this one's already 3.5k and rocketing along, and i'm only two-thirds of the way through season 1. what form that will take i don't know at this stage but we'll see.

....i was discussing the vague concept of house/h50 crossover fic with squares literally yesterday and on the one hand I haven't written a crossover since 2014 and also don't want that to be my legacy, but on the other hand i think there is at least a 50% chance it's going to stick in the back of my brain and keep niggling.

[toomanysurveys9]

Long time, no post.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

Pizza. Jacob went to talk to the Papa John's owner(?) by us to see if he could start sooner.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on?

Definitely pay off all the debt. Buy a new house for Jake, our kiddos, and I. Buy a house for my parents, so we didn't have to keep living together. Fix our car. Buy Jake a truck. And savings for each of the kiddos.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I'm sure.

What does your bedroom smell like right now?

Not great - I need to clean it. Pretty sure Nora left a milk cup in there but I can't find it.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before?

I have not.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids?

I have four kids. We have one boy and three girls.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them?

I have no idea. I don't want to have anymore kids. Four is more than enough.

Describe your outfit.

Maternity leggings that are now too big and one of Jake's work shirts.

What gigabyte is your memory card?

Don't have one.

What brand is your digital camera?

I just use my phone so I told the camera I did have because we needed the money more.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend?

A couple weeks ago. Had a baby shower for one of them.

What is a movie you're waiting to see?

I honestly don't even know what's out right now.

Who was the last person to cook something for you?

Whoever made the pizzas from Papa John's.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something?

All the time. It's terrible.

If so, what is it?

So many things. It'd take too long to list but most are bad.

What’s on tv right now?

Jake's playing Rocket League on PS4. I'm waiting until my grandma is allowed to take her meds after I helped my youngest sister do her homework because my mom got pissed at me because she's spying through the ring camera in the dining room and saw I took my 3-year-old and almost 5-month-old up to bed and evidently my grandma then also tried going to bed. And because I didn't feel like fighting my youngest sister about her homework, so I didn't check it.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses?

Not so much.

Where do you download music from?

I use Pandora and Amazon Music.

How many channels do you have on your tv?

Too many. And most of us only use streaming.

What are you most scared of?

Something bad happening to my babies.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose?

Justin. He's my cousin that committed suicide.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

Nope.

If so, which one?

None.

What is your mom doing right now?

Probably watching the ring camera and talking shit or complaining to my dad. Because they're in TN right now. And I'm just a big failure that is ruining their vacation and going to make them come home early, which I won't hear the end of for the rest of my life probably. Even though they usually go out of state at least every six months, usually more often. By themselves.

Are you currently listening to music?

Nope.

What is the weather like right now?

45 degrees.

Do you like new music or older music?

Both.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make?

Oof. Where to start with the shit-show that is about to occur in the US in January..

What was the last video game you played?

I don't remember.

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now?

I'm doing this and Jake is playing video games with one of his buddies. I'm about to go to bed when I finish this.

Do you know where your best friend is?

Home. And hospital. My friend in the hospital might be having her baby boy early.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?

I'd have to look but I left my phone upstairs.

What is your display picture of on Facebook?

A picture of Jake, the kiddos, and I from when we went to the apple orchard.

Do you ever sit and think about the past?

Too much. Lately it's been especially bad.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be?

Hmm. Has to be one of the times after giving birth to my kids. Like when we went home for the first time. Probably after Olivia since she was our last so we'd have all of our babies.

Are you a talker or a listener?

Listener for sure.

What is one food you will not eat?

I don't do seafood.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat?

Lots of stuff. I was super picky before Jacob.

Have you ever kissed the same sex?

On a dare.

When does school start this year?

Whenever I can find a new internship site. Love my life right now.

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason?

No.

Have you stuck with your new years resolution?

I don't make them.

Do you need to lose any weight right now?

Yeah.

What is something you want right now?

Not have so many extra people living in our house.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores?

I never cared.

What always puts a smile on your face?

Hugs from my babies. Smiles from them.

Where can I find you on a Saturday night?

At home.

What is the best thing about Sundays?

Nothing really.

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)?

Pandora is my preferred if Jake isn't using it. We share his.

How many songs do you have?

A lot.

When was the last time you had a period?

I guess right after I had Olivia if we want to count that. Otherwise it's been over a year.

Why do you think the sky is blue?

Whatever science says..

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose?

Maybe a pretty light purple. I don't know. Or just nighttime all the time.

Is there anything wrong with you right now?

My life is a fucking disaster and I feel completely alone. So a lot.

Do you hate when people stare at you?

It makes me uncomfortable, so yes.

[softlighter]

fanfic round up 2023

List of Fanworks (posted!)

a fairy tale [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated Gen | the first kiss]

out [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated E | heats are a thing i guess]

How to Stop a Wedding in Six Months [RWBY | Bumbleby, Gen | rated Teen+ | the Polite Society AU] (WIP)

catharsis [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel hires a dominant]

careful (everyone wants to be us) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | the Devil Wears Prada AU] (WIP)

waiting games [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel hires a dominant part 2 electric boogaloo]

tithe [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel and Halbrand are chosen for a fertility/mating ritual]

Fucking In Love [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated E | the Porn Star AU] (WIP)

the first cut is the deepest [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the Fear Street: 1978 AU/Slasher AU]

meant to be (if it comes back) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the exes to lovers modern AU]

dawns y ellyllon [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the Fae drabble]

fire for fire [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | what Galadriel's love feels like drabbe]

clichè [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | the clichè family Halloween drabble]

once upon a time [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | the tragedy of it all drabble]

parenthood [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the early years drabble]

what almost was [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | what haunts Galadriel drabble]

one day more [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the Les Mis Drabble]

fortitude [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the post reveal drabble]

of the dawn [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | the Atalanta A/B/O AU] (WIP)

aurora (the beginning of the end) [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated Teen+ | the rock stars AU]

in the mouth of the wolf (good luck) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the Palm Springs/Time Loop AU] (WIP)

the darkest day [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | Celebrían sails West while her parents watch on]

the slightest taste [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | waiting and love and opposites attract]

the consummation (coup d'états wait for no one) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | a public marriage consummation]

you know where to find me [Baldur's Gate 3 | Shadowzel | rated E | totally hate sex definitely not crushing on each other]

small town smokeshow [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | kidnapping AU] (WIP)

+ four yuletide offerings to be revealed in January!

WIPs Posted: doubt the stars (RWBY) How to Stop a Wedding in Six Months (RWBY) careful (everyone wants to be us) (RWBY) Fucking in Love (RWBY) of the dawn (LotR: TRoP) in the mouth of the wolf (good luck) (LotR: TRoP) small town smokeshow ( LoTR: TRoP)

WIPs Unposted/In Progress:

the first cut is the deepest sequel (LotR: TRoP)

dead dove threesome (LotR: TRoP)

yang's body (RWBY)

catharsis part three (LotR: TRoP)

Measure for Measure AU (LotR: TRoP)

something SFW for Shadowzel (BG3)

Total Number of Completed Works/Fandoms Written In: 24 completed works for a total of just under 150k posted. posted five RWBY fics, posted twenty one LotR: TRoP fics, and one Baldur's Gate 3 fic.

Overall Thoughts: horny as hell, tracks.

Personal Favorite: my personal favorite for the year is probably the first cut is the deepest, mostly because of the themes I get to explore. the sequel is shaping up to be one of my favorite things I've ever written, but I really do love how visceral and vivid this one is. It was also me really dipping my toe into horror, which has been a blast!

Most Under-appreciated: going to have to once again say the first cut is the deepest because I poured so much into this emotionally and creatively. maybe not my best work of the year, but I really do adore it.

Most Popular: Fucking in Love continues to dominate my stats, but of the ones exclusively posted this year, out had the most hits and a fairy tale had the most kudos! although you know where to find me is creeping up there quickly, especially considering how not so long ago it was posted in comparison to the other two.

Story with the Sexiest Moment: oh GOSH, what a choice! i think i have to go with catharsis when Galadriel is interviewing Halbrand about what punishment "how that would work," I loved that dialogue and body language. That whole fic is really sexy, though, lots of fun moments in there! Out of the corner of her eye, Halbrand shrugged.  “For the first time, I’d recommend staying simple.  It can be overwhelming, for some.  Brings up things some people aren’t ready to feel, or don’t realize they feel.” She tried not to take that as a challenge.  “You’re making it sound intense.” “It can be,” he said.  “I’ve had a lot of criers afterward.  It’s a, ah, catharsis, if you would.  Releases all your pent up shit and makes you feel it.  Not a bad thing, just intense.”  He tilted his head.  “You seem like you would like intense.”   Galadriel bristled, even as her insides turned gooey and her tongue twisted itself into knots.  She settled on, “And if I would?”

Most Fun Story to Write: WHAT A DECISION! writing Fucking in Love with @set-wingedwarrior is always a blast because of its nature as a collaboration. in most recent memory, you know where to find me was exceptionally fun, especially the dialogue scene with everyone. I don't know, writing Astarion and Shadowheart bitching at each other was a blast!

Hardest: emotionally, the darkest day was tough because of personal experiences but also quite a release. creatively, Fucking in Love poses a challenge if only because it is intimidating to be writing such a loved fic. as much as we try to keep that in perspective, knowing thousands of people have literally read it is intimidating!

Biggest Surprise: starting to write dead dove! it came at a crucial point in my personal life, and I'm so grateful it did, for both the emotional coping it has brought me, the community I have found, and the fun i've had.

Did you take any risks in writing this year?: OOO! I guess I took a few! Starting to post dead dove was certainly a choice and one that I'm still nervous about, but also broaching out into horror! I've been quite settled in my niche for a few years now, so trying something new in both those regards was quite a risk for me.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: while it's not posted, I am going to say the sequel to the first cut is the deepest if only because I really dig down into a LOT. of the works I've posted, catharsis was a turning point for me personally in some ways, or a pivot point at least, just because that psychological and emotional release alongside the physical one is such a huge aspect of why I write smut.

Favorite Lines/Scenes: DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE! ahaha, in all seriousness, the parallel opening perspectives and ending in meant to be (if it comes back) makes me tickled pink.

It was the CD still in her car.  The old sweatshirt tucked away on the back shelf of her closet.  The lip balm she still bought whenever she finished because he had liked the taste on her lips, because she had just gotten used to the flavor, she told herself.  It was the way she hadn’t worn that blouse since the breakup, and it was the songs she still put on every new playlist she made but skipped every time.  It was the way she couldn’t drink lemonade now without craving the mint he used to muddle into it for her, the same way she couldn’t ever make it how he did.  It was every imprint he had left on her, in her, and no matter what she did, no matter how she tried to smooth over and scrub every mark he’d left, he stayed like a scar.   ~~~ It was the pair of panties still tucked into his drawer.  The blonde hair ties he kept finding all over his place but never actually tossed out.  The way he hadn’t needed to buy chamomile tea since he’d run out, because she was the only one who drank it and she wasn’t coming back.  It was the shampoo that he’d only switched to because she liked the scent of lemongrass better than his former eucalyptus, and it was the fact that he hadn’t tossed her mug, the one that was short and stout and matte gray, because he didn’t entirely believe that she wasn’t not coming back.  It was the way he still made curry on Thursdays, even though that had been her weekly tradition that he’d stolen when she started coming to his place for almost every meal, but it wasn’t like he could stop himself from craving it.  It was the way she had carved into his life like a scalpel wielded with brutal force, precise and cruel and cutting far too deep, and how he was still gushing blood from every incision.  

My Fave Part of Fandom in 2023: finding a new fandom space in the form of LotR: TRoP fandom! tolkien's writing in incredibly rich, and the people there, especially my fellow Haladriels, has just been incredible for me.

2024 Writing Ambitions: Oh, so many! I don't know if I'll be able to write every day of 2024 as I've done so far with every day of 2023 (!!!), but I hope I continue to make and leave space for my words.

2024 Fics on the Immediate Horizon: Yuletide fic reveals x4 Fucking in Love chapter 16 something self-indulgent, just a matter of which one ends up finished first!

[cyncerity]

hi everyone! little bit of an update!!

to those of you waiting for the next part in the store shifter au: it’s almost done, i swear.

the rest of this is a lengthy explanation cause y’all know me, i can’t write something short. tldr will be bolded at the bottom if you don’t wanna read all this.

i wanna explain something real quick: in my early years of middle school, i was into creepypasta, which pipelined into Marble Hornets, which pipelined into a ton of other slenderverse series. If you don’t know what that is, it’s an ARG with an emphasis on characters being stalked or hunted by Slenderman. All of them are really really good in their own way and do interesting things with not only Slendy, but adding their own new big bad’s and lore and i’d highly recommend watching one if you haven’t yet. (i may make a separate post about which you should watch based on what kind of content you most enjoy cause i really want to indoctrinate more people into this)

My favorite slenderverse at the time had a very big emphasis on early November, specifically November 11th. So i started to have a little tradition of watching those videos every November 11th even after the hyperfixation had faded just for a bit of nostalgia.

Fast forward to now- it has snowballed to the point where every year for over half a decade now, November 11th rolls around and I am thrown violently headfirst back into my slenderverse phase. I cannot control it. I’ll be like “ok this year i’ll be normal about it, after this long, surely watching one video won’t spiral me again” and it always fucking does. No other hyperfixation i’ve ever had has functioned on a calendar cycle so idk wtf this is. This is the 6th year of this. I cannot escape.

So yeah, per how it’s been since middle school, November-January my main hyperfixation will be slenderverse. It could be shorter, it could be longer, but that’s the general pattern i’ve noticed over the years. After that i’ll pretty much be back to normal.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not taking a 3 month hiatus or anything. I promise i will do my best to get the store shifter au part out before fucking 2024. But if you’ve sent me an ask recently and i’ve ignored it, i’m genuinely so sorry, but i can’t force myself to work on new stuff right now when mcyt g/t isn’t my main interest. I’ll do my best to get to it eventually when the hyperfixation comes back a bit more, i do read and process and think about every single ask i receive and it always makes my day when i get a new ask, but yeah. For the next few months i’m probably only gonna be working on and posting stuff that’s been in the works, are from asks that we’re given to me like a year ago and already have wips in progress to answer them, or art that i just haven’t given you yet.

on the other hand, if you’re reading this and you like creepypasta or slenderverse stuff, i’ve created what i think is literally my 5th fucking blog! @cynningly <-i’ve been spamming this for like 4 days cause i refuse to be normal about slenderverse stuff, but follow there if you want horror stuff and so far just a bunch of really shitty edits of internet arg sexyman villains. Also yes all of my blogs have to have “cyn” in the name somewhere, that’s how you can tell it’s me lmao

tldr:

my hyperfixations switched up again, im really into slenderverse (slenderman-centric args) at the moment and likely will be till January. This is a cycle that’s been going on for years now. made an alt for it -> @cynningly

I will still be working to post mcyt g/t stuff, but only stuff that’s a wip or has been in the works for a while. to anyone who has sent an ask recently: sorry, but i can’t take on making new stuff when my focus isn’t purely on mcyt rn. I will do my best to get to it eventually and if you’re one of the people who’s sent a story request or ask recently i truly, truly appreciate it. y’all make my day. but, yeah, that’s what’s going on with me lol

[skeletonfarmer]

I know tumblr is not the best place for relationship advice but pls lol

Also fair warning this is a long post and TW for mention of suicide

Some backstory: my boyfriend (21) and I (22) have been together for two and a half years. I struggle with severe depression and occasional psychotic symptoms (mood swings, hallucinations, irrational thoughts, etc). I was also diagnosed with cancer in January 2022. I recently had to quit my full time job due to mental and physical health reasons, so he is the only one working right now.

So for the past several months, but especially the past few weeks or so my boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot and I’m not sure what to do or if it’s healthy.

There’s always an array of things the arguments are about but usually they can be boiled down to one of us not feeling appreciated/not feeling loved/feeling like we’re being taken advantage of.

Our most recent argument started yesterday afternoon. A mutual friend of ours surprised me yesterday late morning and helped me clean our apartment almost the whole day, it was like 4-5 hours, with a break for lunch of course. Later on she had asked me if my bf and I could babysit because her fiance had gotten tickets to a baseball game and she wanted to go, but she didn’t wanna ask her mom to babysit since she had been watching her all day. I agreed but let her know that it would probably just be me.

Later when we were on the way back to her apartment my boyfriend had gotten off work and gone home. He called me and was immediately rude as I answered the phone, and he complained about how when we were cleaning/organizing, we moved some of his stuff to where he didn’t like it. He was mainly upset that we moved his (large amount) of alcohol bottles to a separate shelf rather than it taking up 1/3 of our already limited counter space. I told him that if he didn’t like where we put the stuff then he should help me clean on the weekends so he could decide where it goes himself. He got really upset and said that since he works and I don’t, it’s my job to clean and he doesn’t have to clean since he works, and that I should know it’s rude to “throw his stuff on a shelf in the corner”

Our friend hears him and when she sees him she goes off on him for awhile about how you talk to someone you love that way, and I didn’t hear much of what was said but what I did hear it sounded like he mainly put blame on me and put me down to try and justify his words and actions.

We argued about it on and off for the rest of the night but I thought by the time we went to bed we were fine.

When we woke up this morning within 30 minutes he was mad again, this time about how we don’t have enough money for groceries this week, bills, or gas for him to get to work. The way he said it made it feel like he was blaming me for not being able to work, so I felt guilty and asked my mom for $30 to help with groceries. He also somehow got a refund for our dinner we had last night, so that was $25-30 back.

After we go grocery shopping I have to go make a return at Big Lots, and when we’re walking out he insists on going into the liquor store next door. I say okay but let him know he shouldn’t get anything since we don’t really have money to pay our bills. Well after 20 minutes in there he buys a bottle of liquor, not sure what or how much but most of the stuff he was looking at was $30-45.

I get visibly upset and when he asks I tell him that it’s irresponsible for him to have an attitude with me and get mad about not having enough money for bills and food, to where I have to ask family for money, but then he goes and buys alcohol. This causes another fight and he goes off on me about how he’s “tired of me bitching at him” and that I won’t let him have fun, I have a problem with everything he does, etc.

A couple of months ago he had mentioned that I need to be more appreciative of him because not many people would have stayed with me through my cancer treatments and my psychiatric hospital stay for a suicide attempt. I haven’t brought this up to him since he said it but I think about it often.

I know I am definitely not perfect and I know I can get an attitude pretty easily sometimes, but I feel like he doesn’t give me as much credit as I deserve. My mental health makes it extremely difficult for me to regularly keep up with house chores, and I always let him know when I’m having a particularly bad day and not much will get done. At the time he says it’s okay but he always holds it over my head the next time we have a confrontation. I really do love him but I am also so tired of feeling like I’m just a maid that’s shitty at her job. I don’t know how to go about fixing this or if there is any way to even do so.

[getittogetherk]

February 9, 2025

sunday morning, 8:06 a.m.

feeling pretty okay.

things have been fine, fairly uneventful after the first few awful weeks of january. the fire danger has settled down, and we've had a few days of light rain in the past couple weeks, which has been nice. the devastation and fear of just a few weeks ago is almost just a dim memory (for me, although i'm very aware that it is still very present for others).

today feels ok. it was an RDO weekend and i was able to do a few things i needed to do, but also rest some. on friday i went to get some blood drawn, and then spent a full 3 hours at mazda buying my mazda cx5. it was fairly straightforward yet somehow took a lot longer than i had anticipated. i naively thought that since i already had the car picked out, and cash and credit in hand, and the price locked down, i'd be out within an hour, but alas i was very wrong.

so friday was oddly exhausting even though it was mostly a lot of sitting.

saturday i got up for a zoom vbas meeting, and i think i ate some pasta, but not having my coffee, i was sleepy all day and then intermittently napped for what felt like hours (unfortunately my fitbit wasn't working and so did not log my sleep). so the whole day was spent lying around, staring at my phone, half watching Suits, and then eventually taking a shower because i could feel myself getting the exact kind of sick i feel when i don't shower. in addition to just my hair feeling greasy, i feel very cold and can't warm up, and then i also get an awful headache. so finally i took my shower, took a tylenol, then went to bed and fell asleep to youtube reviews of movies i didn't watch and would never watch, for some reason, just to hear the analysis of why a movie didn't work. i suppose it's a slight improvement from police cam videos, but now it's mostly review of bad movies, why meghan markle is awful, and in general the downfall of this and that youtube/viral sensation. i want to get back in the habit of watching healthy, affirming, productive things, like minimalism and self-help. how to get out of ruts. how to actually achieve one's dreams. although i also know in a very real way that the first step is to not watch youtube about it.

i think one thing i will do is limit the amount of screen time i have, and so that when i'm sort of "running out of time", I am forced to do something other than stare at my phone. so if i give myself 6 hours a day, which though is really high, is still less than the 8 hours a day average of last week. and i think i can spend that time cleaning, or kind of just some sort of maintenance: gardening, de-cluttering, both physical and digital, reading the car manual for the cx5, researching prices on camera equipment so i can get ride of the two large bags of camera equipment that have been sitting in my bedroom for months, etc. there is a lot i can do. i can also probably volunteer at the shelter more as i haven't been now for two consecutive weeks. i mean, there's a lot i can do if i get back 1-2 hours of my day. and i don't even really want to think about what i would do if i got back 3-4 hours of my day. i mean, ok so i hadn't really thought about it. but that's 3-4 hours of exercise, of clean eating and new recipes and meal prep, of probably a couple books a week, etc. i could really transform with that much more time dedicated to productivity.

oh another update i should include. a couple weeks ago my psychiatrist finally listened when i told her about the constant physical anxiety in my body. the inability to relax my shoulders. the clenching of my jaw. and she upped my lexapro 10 mg from 20 to 30 mg saying that it would work on my anxiety. for the first couple weeks i found myself craving sweets and carbs (although this could be attributed to other things), but even worse, my sleep became awful. i would wake up several times a night, and go to the restroom a few times a night, and i'd have single digit REM percentages. but starting from just 2-3 nights ago, i've felt a noticeable improvement. i feel more rested when i wake up. i feel less anxious and a dash more peaceful. i'm hoping this means that it's working.

i always forget how much i enjoy this particular activity. it is light out. the sun is shining, dimly, diffused by the big ass oak tree out front. there is a slight whir of traffic and the chirping of birds. the coffee is good. i feel myself slowly emptying out onto the words on the screen. i feel like this would be a part of a "perfect day" for me. good coffee, journaling while looking out at some nice scenery. a brisk walk or hike. i think some conversation would be nice. and then some productivity. i think that's why some vacations feel ... incomplete to me. i know i shouldn't need to feel productive, but sometimes i do. and when i'm home i can work on certain things, better my personal environment, focus on health, etc., but when i'm out, especially abroad, it's just eating out and no real exercise besides strenuous urban walking. i wish there was a way that i could appreciate everyday life everyday, and new experiences when i'm out. instead of neither.

[somberlyyours]

III.

February 11, 2024

On the Asian-American Model Minority Myth and the Tension of Opposites

It’s almost 3 a.m. somewhere in Metro Manila, Philippines. I have been here for three months now, visiting loved ones, and counting down the days and months left in my durational alimony and my means and will to live. This may sound like suicidal ideation to some. I say it is a product of the last four years being played by individuals and institutions I have put my faith and trust in.

Two years ago, in January 2022, I was enrolled in graduate school. I began my graduate program in January 2020, doing my required courses online during COVID-19. I decided to move from FL to STL, MO to complete my field experience at the main campus as we had been informed by the Professional Counseling Department that the online/hybrid program was experiencing difficulties getting accreditation. I could not risk losing my hard-earned graduate school credits going to waste. So I packed up my life in a storage in FL, put the rest of it in a U-Haul truck, and moved halfway across the U.S. to chase my dreams of helping others and bettering myself in what I had hoped would be a purpose-driven, fulfilling career.

In STL, I applied to Casa de Salud, a mental health counseling center in STL, MO as an intern and was accepted. Growing up, I have always had low self-esteem. It took six years for me to find a field of study that played to my strengths: my strength to connect with people and empathize with them. When I got accepted into Casa de Salud, it was quite the confidence booster. I thought, I’m finally on my way to self-actualization after all those years attending to everyone else’s needs…

As an Asian immigrant to the States, specifically, in mostly conservative, rural Florida, I have always been isolated from the larger immigrant communities in big, metropolitan cities. I was sheltered from the harsh realities of racism in America by virtue of my then being married to a White American man. I was aware of racism’s existence from reading about it and watching it on TV. I practically lived in a bubble. Back then, I was simply a married woman who worked hard to care for my loved ones, did what my then husband told, kept my head down, and minded my own business.

My eyes were slowly opened to the harsh realities of racism in America during my enrollment in a graduate course that was a prerequisite to entering a fellowship in the university. I believe the class was called Issues in (Mental Health) Counseling. Every week our professor brought in a different lecturer (via Zoom) discussing special topics affecting minorities and marginalized communities, the topics ranging from healthcare disparities across socioeconomic groups, zoning and housing regulations that perpetuate racial inequity, and other institutional and systemic barriers to minority communities’ upward social mobility.

I listened and absorbed and enthusiastically participated in this class and in all my other classes. The stories of individual hardships and community struggles resonated with me because they’ve been the story of my own life and my people. I craved human companionship and conversation during this time. It was winter when I first arrived in STL, after all. And I’d been working so damn hard. What was that proverb? All work and no play makes a person dull?

I started dating in STL in January 2022. I officially became a divorced woman in February. I matched with several white men on FB Dating. For a very short time on that dating app, I felt young, hopeful, and carefree. Then, I matched with an Asian man. I did not know what to expect meeting him for the first time. I was new in town and thought, what’s the harm in going to lunch in an Asian buffet on a first date? I also thought, maybe it’s time I dated within my own cultural community. My White ex-husband was my first serious relationship. And so, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and said, “What the heck? Go out there, woman.”

That fateful day in February 20, 2022 in Lulu’s STL, was the beginning of the end for me. That’s when the “Asian minority model myth” started crumbling before my very eyes…*

*To be continued…

[mint-moon25]

Watch "Divine Detours | Joel Osteen" on YouTube

TODAY - THURS - 28 DEC 2023 - RECEIVED

AT - MY - FIFTH - THIRD - BANK - APP YES

LA FITNESS - IRVINE - CA - CHEAPER

$37.99 - INSTEAD - OF - $39.99 - FOR

WAS - ANGRY - DIDN'T - KNOW THAT

RENEWAL - TIME - 27TH - SO - GIRL

JUST - CLOSED - ACCOUNT - DIDN'T

ADJUST - WILL - REFUND - NEXT FL

AMOUNT - $37.99 - INSTEAD WHEN

I - CALLED - NOTES - SAID - HISPANIC

FEMALE - 'OLD - YELLER YELLING AT

ME - RECORDING - ALREADY - SAID

20 MIN - B 4 - CLOSING - THEN - AT

LEAST - 2 MIN - AFTER - YELLED AND

ME - ONLY - THERE - FRAUD - '20 MIN

B 4 - CLOSING' - I - WAS - WET - HAIR

WET - NAKED - IN - SHOWER - SAW ME

AT - TREADMILL - WITH - HER - HUGE

PLASTIC - TRASH - CAN - ILLEGAL XO

CORONAVIRUS - NOT - FINISHED - SO

SPREADING - 2 - EXERCISE - EQUIPMENT

DUST - DIRT - GARBAGE - ON - WHEELS

AS - SHE - CIRCULATED - TRIED - 2 YES

AVOID - ME - SEEING - HER - WATCHED

ME - AT - TREADMILL - THEN - KNEW

ONLY - ONE - TAKING - A - SHOWER

YELLED - AT - ME - THEN - I - WAS

LECTURED - 15 MIN - B 4 - M'AM IN

UNITED STATES - ALMOST - LAW IS

9:45P - U - MUST - B - OUT - THEIR

DOOR - TYRANTS - OPPRESSIVE SO

WHEN - I - GOT - $37.99 - REMOVED

MUST - B - DESPAIR - DIDN'T - ADD 2

CHRISTA DI PAOLO - $9.99 - AGAIN

SO - JANUARY - 2024 - YEAR - OF

PROGRESSING - ACHIEVING THE

HIGHEST LEVEL - ATTAINING YES

DR JERRY SAVELLE

FINALLY - CALCULATED - WOULD

HAVE - BEEN - LEFT - $41.06 - SO

FORGOT - CALLED - NEW CLAIMS

YOUNG - WHITE - GUY - MAYBE IT

WAS - SOUTHERN - CALIFORNIA

I - REACHED - MOST - ENERGETIC

LAST - WORDS - ME - HAD - 3 MAJOR

HEART - ATTACKS - SAME - YEAR AND

OVER - 16 HRS - COMA - EACH - AND IT

WAS - LIKE - I - HEARD - BELL OF TACO

BELL - COME - BACK 2 LIFE - WENT YES

BACK - DREAMED - OF - SUPREME

BURRITO - WITH - SOUR - CREAM 2

MY - PASSION - EACH - TIME - YES

DREAMED - OF - WHAT - I - EAT XO

RED - MEAT - MY - MOM - AGE 24

TOKYO - JAPANESE - DROPPED

DEAD - MASSIVE - HEART ATTACK

MY - DNA - AGE 32 - GREAT GRAND

MAMA - DROPPED - DEAD - HEART

STOPPED - BEATING - WE - HAVE

WEAK - HEARTS - WANTED - 2 ASK

HIM - DOES - GIVING - HEART ATTACK

HAD - THAT - IN - SHOWER - 2 NIGHTS

AGO - CONSTITUTE - GREAT - BODILY

FAR - FLORIDA - STATUTES - NUMBERS

STATE - NO - ONE - CAN - GIVE - GREAT

BODILY - HARM - 2 - SENIORS - 65 AND

OLDER - AND - PHYSICALLY - DISABLED

ALL - AGES - SO - HE - AGREED - THAT

HEART - ATTACK - IS - GIVING - GREAT

BODILY - HARM - 2 - THE - DISABLED IT

IS - A - FELONY - 1ST - DEGREE - $$$$$

MONETORY - FINE - WAS - $10,000 - IN

2019 - SO - HE - SAID - THEIR - BANK

CALLING - THEIR - CORPORATE YES

IRVINE - CALIFORNIA - LA FITNESS

39 YEARS - OLD - PLUS - 550 CLUBS

USA - CANADA - FRM - 01 NOV 1984

SALE - BY - ONLINE - EXCEPT - DID

NOT - MENTION - LAST - MONTH 2

$39.99 - WAS - SURPRISED - BY THE

$74.88 - NO - TAXES - BUT - SAID IN

FEW - DAYS - $49 - BUT - TAXED AT

$52.43 - TODAY - THURSDAY - THEY

GAVE - IT - CHEAPER - $37.44 - AND

NEW - CLAIMS - WHITE - MALE SAID

NO - NEED - 2 - CALL - AGAIN 4 THE

PENDING - AMOUNT - $37.44

LA FITNESS - USA - CANADA - WILL

NOT - AS - EMPLOYEES - BE - GIVEN

MY - HDG - BANK - FOR - ETERNITY

8 BUS DAYS - NO - WEEKENDS AND

HOLIDAYS - TEMPORARY - CREDIT

$74.88

$52.43

AFTER - PENDING - 8 DAYS - FOR

$37.99

SAID - ATTACKED - BY - LESBIANS

EMPTY CLASS - 3 PUNCHING YES

BAGS - TALL - STRONG AND LONG

ATTACKED - BY - 2 LESBIANS - ME

RAN - 2 - FRONT - DESK - BLK MALE

FOUGHT - ME - ONLY - GREETED THE

MALE - MEMBERS - NOT - ME - JERK

SAID - 'LIZZIE McGUIRE' - ETHAN - IS

SMART - HE - JUST - READ READING

LIST - NOT - ANY - BOOK - PRINCIPAL

NEW - ETHAN - ACTUALLY - READ

FINALLY - ANYTHING WOW 2 LIST

09 JAN 2024 - $127.31

8 DAYS - AFTER PENDING - $37.99

TOTAL - $165.30

AMAZON - HUB LOCKER - 4 ITEMS

HOMEWOOD - SUITES - NOT - YET

12:50P EST

RAIN - LAST - HOUR - 3P

THEN - NO - RAIN - NIGHT - 2 - DAY

SINCE - RAINING - ONLY - WHAT ME

NEEDED - 2 - BRING - NEW - LT PINK

WATER - RESISTANT - ROSS - BAGS 2

BOUGHT - 4 - AT - $0.99 - ADD TAXES

POSTING - AGAIN - FOLLOWERS - YES