#so to have watched that back in january almost 3 months ago and then watch this and see him achieve the same is so meaningful for me

[skitskatdacat63]

2005 | 2023

[dorotheataylor]

Lover

Pairing- Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader

Summary- Listen to Lover by Taylor Swift

Warnings- FLUFF FLUFF FLUFFF, established relationship, really really small adult talk, this is really cliché, no curses!au, modern!au, my poor english, reader and satoru are so in love :( (i wanna cry) Based on Lover by Taylor Swift <3

Word Count- 2.7k words (excluding lyrics)

A/N- The amount of love I have for this man is insane. Gege when I catch you Gege!! Anyways this is something I imagine everyday with this man and decided why not share this with y’all? Hope y’all like this!

"Good morning Toru," you said in a sleepy voice as you rubbed your eyes.

Satoru smiled and said, "Good morning, my love," placing the coffee mugs on the nightstand nearby and leaning down to kiss you. You kissed him back for a moment but then immediately pulled away.

He looked at you with a frown and you spoke, "you know I have a very bad breath in the morning."

His frown suddenly turned into the grin you adored so much. "And you know that I don't care," he said before leaning down once more and kissing you. And this time you didn't resist.

You snuggled up into him to cuddle. He wrapped his hands around you as he laid beside you.

We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘till January

This is our place, we make the rules

"Happy new year," you beamed before moving even closer (if possible) to him. His body was warm- the body heat you’d always miss when you woke up in bed without him engulfing you.

"Well there's still some couple of hours left," he chuckled before kissing your forehead, "but happy new year."

Although the Christmas tree was gone by now- from the holiday a week ago- multiple strings of Christmas lights remained hung up on the living room walls. Turned off, the fluorescent lights were more gloomy than cheerful due to the festivities being over.

It being the first Christmas with Satoru in the new apartment, the one you both collectively bought together just over six months ago, the holiday was a milestone for your relationship. Decorating the small apartment was fun, placing ornaments carefully on the tree with Satoru while he broke over half of them; accidentally of course.

And now the lights remained, hung up on the walls of the open living room. While you took the first sip of the coffee- the caffeine sliding down your throat and almost scorching your tongue- it was as if Satoru read your mind.

“The Christmas lights are still up, we forgot about them.” There had always been a mysterious way about him, always seeming to know what you were thinking or feeling at any given time.

You'd heard of him in your university days. The uni heartthrob, star basketball player and the guy of every girl's dreams studying with you. Your friend would go on about him every now and then until she found her 'the one' as she called it.

You had to admit that you'd grown a crush on him too but you were too scared. He was the popular guy every girl swooned over, and then there was you, just managing to get through the uni. You doubted if he even knew about your existence. So you never worked on your feelings and just continued the way you lived.

The first time you officially met and talked with him was on the annual prom night. You were sitting alone, trying to get a shot as you watched everyone, including your best friend, dance on the slow song playing in the background.

You'd come there without a date as no one had asked you. You were slightly upset but your friend cheered you up, ditching her own boyfriend to go with you. But after a few hours of having fun, she wanted to spend time with him and of course you didn't mind.

So here you were, deep in thoughts and didn't notice someone coming up to you until the person spoke.

"Hey."

You immediately knew who's voice it was. You turned your head to look at them. And there he stood, dressed up in a black tuxedo, his white hair perfectly styled and faint blush on his cheeks as he showed his smile. Your heart started to pick up its pace as your cheeks heated up. Why would they not? Satoru Gojo, the popular guy of the whole campus and your long time crush, was talking to you.

"Hey," you replied, surprised and internally relieved you didn't stutter.

"Mind if I join you?" he said gesturing over the empty seat besides you.

"Not at all." You said and handed him a drink as he took the seat.

You were surprised, that 'The Gojo Satoru' would be so sweet and awkward at the same time. Still you two talked and got to know each other. Apparently, his date ditched him when he refused for PDA, and he claimed to enjoy your company more.

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

He almost got shy when he asked you for a dance. But you still accepted nevertheless. And let's just say it was the best time of your life. Neither of you two knew how to dance and all the time you were just stepping on each other's foot or just laughing your asses off. You knew you'd just met him but it felt like you'd known him for years.

The night ended with him asking you out. You gladly accepted. And with that, started a beautiful love story one could only ask for.

“I think we should leave them up,” a quizzing look you gave him with your eyebrows prompted him to explain, “you know, ‘cause why not? We’re adults, we don’t have to listen to any rules anymore, right?”

You laughed. “I guess I see your point... but it’s already New Year’s Day, and Christmas was a week ago. If others come around, what will they say?”

"Who cares, this is our place. Meaning," he held you tighter and continued, "we make the rules here. We could live it 'til the next January."

"You're crazy, Gojo." You said playfully and he rolled his eyes.

"Well sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you're stuck with me," he said with a little smirk.

"Wouldn't have it another way." You said giggling and giving him a quick peck on lips before getting out of the bed. As you were about to leave, he held your wrist and pulled you back. You landed back on the bed as he held you tightly once again.

"Let's just stay like this for the whole day." He said as he closed his eyes.

You giggled, "’Toru, if you don't let me go then we won't be getting any breakfast today."

"I don't care." He said as he buried his face in your chest, "you're warm and I want cuddles." You laughed at his childish behaviour and cuddled back with him. You slowly ran your fingers in his hair just the way he liked. He groaned at the feeling and hugged you even tighter.

There was a comfortable and peaceful silence until he said, "by the way I already made us breakfast."

You widened your eyes when you heard him. "Really? I'm surprised the house is not on fire yet."

He sat up and rolled his eyes. "You know I'm a better cook than you."

You hit him playfully on his chest as he laughed. He got out of the bed and went into the kitchen and you went to the bathroom and quickly brushed your teeth, excited to see what he had prepared for both of you.

He came back with two plates of honey-drizzled pancakes. You were sitting on the bed by then and your mouth immediately started watering after seeing the pancakes.

"Tell me how it is." He said after putting down the plates. You took a bite before widening your eyes and looking at him proudly.

"I see you've gotten my recipe perfectly." You said wiggling your eyebrows making him chuckle.

He chuckled, his eyes shining with satisfaction. "I wanted to do something different this time. You're always the one making breakfast, so I thought I'd give it a try and show you that I can make your recipes too. Consider it my New Year's resolution. Plus I know how much you hate to get out of the bed in the morning, so breakfast is now my duty."

Your heart melted at his thoughtful gesture. He had gone out of his way to make you happy, to bring a change to their routine. It was a small act, but it spoke volumes about his love and dedication. You couldn't help but fall in love with him even more if possible.

Moved by his sincerity, you leaned in and kissed him passionately, feeling the warmth of his embrace. In that moment, your connection deepened, your love reaffirmed. Your lips gently parted, and your foreheads touched as you locked eyes, sharing an unspoken language of love and understanding.

You’re my my my my Lover.

"You don't have to do anything special to make me happy." You whispered, "as long as you're with me, I'm content."

A smile graced his lips, and he spoke softly, "I love you."

"I love you too. More than words can express." You said before attaching your lips with his once again.

-

"Cheers to the New Year!" echoed throughout the room as everyone joyously raised their glasses and took hearty sips of their drinks. The lively party was in full swing, with conversations overlapping and laughter filling the air. To your right, was a group engaged in a spirited drinking game, while in a quieter corner, a few couples were making out while Satoru and Suguru shared jokes and laughter near the balcony, relishing their drinks.

I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

You tried to focus on the conversation you were having with your friends but failed miserably. All you could see was the unfamiliar girl who was now flirting with Satoru. He looked like he had no clue about it. Beside him, was his friend Suguru. Unlike your boyfriend, he noticed the dirty glances you were throwing at the girl.

You see him nudge Satoru with his elbow and point your way. Your eyes met his blue ones for a moment when you instantly looked away. You didn’t want to admit that you were jealous but god you couldn’t help it.

I’ve loved you three summer now honey but I want ‘em all

He was so gorgeous with his soft white hair and cold blue eyes that any girl would fall for him. But those cold eyes only showed warmth and love when they looked at you. You were the only one Satoru loved and will continue to do so till the end of time.

You looked at him again only to see him smirk. Can’t able to bear the sight of it, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You excused yourself from your friends and walked over to where Satoru was standing. “Darling, It’s getting late. We should head home.” You said in a saccharine voice with a forced smile. Not waiting for his reply, you pulled him by his arm. The last thing you heard before exiting the venue was some words of 'good luck' directed towards Satoru by Suguru.

When you got into the car, you immediately turned towards the windows, not in the mood to talk. Satoru got inside and smiled at your behaviour.

When you got home, you both had to run inside because it had started raining. You immediately went to the bathroom to get dressed for bed, without sparing Satoru a look. After you were done, you laid on your bed and pretended to fall asleep.

Satoru, very well knowing that you were awake, gave your shoulder a nudge. “Y/N?”

"Go away, I'm trying to sleep."

“I highly doubt that. Is it something I said?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“Well, I wasn’t the one who was totally oblivious to a girl hitting on me when my girlfriend stood just a few steps away.” You scoffed as you sat up.

“You can’t be serious.” He chuckled.

“Of course, I am.”

“Baby, look at me.” He said. When you didn’t listen to him, he cupped your face and made you look at him. He looked straight into your eyes and said, “You know you’re the only one for me, right? You’re the one who I’m deeply in love with.”

When you didn't say anything, he sighed and stood up. "Come with me." He said giving you his hand.

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my Loverr

You looked at him confused but took it nevertheless. "Why are we going outside? It's raining." You said when you noticed you were being led outside the house.

Satoru knew how much you loved the rain. That’s why if he was going to do this, he’ll do this with the things you loved.

You were still trying to comprehend as to why you were in the rain but you didn’t complain. You loved rain. It helped you calm down and helped relaxing your mind.

Satoru led you in your small house garden. You had already started getting soaked from the rain as you asked, “Why are we here?”

And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

“Why? Getting wet already?” he said as you rolled your eyes and laughed. He smiled at you. He swore his heart swells every time he hears you laugh or sees you smile, especially when he is the reason behind it.

“Let’s dance.” He said and spun you around. You laughed when he pulled you towards him and tried to waltz.

“You’re still a terrible dancer.” You said jokingly.

“Well you’re the only one who gets to dance with me so I suggest you get used to it.” He said, trying his best not to mess up the steps.

“Did you learn the basics of waltzing?” you asked when you saw him doing correct steps.

“Well, I know you love to dance and I’m a terrible dancer. So I tried learning just so you can have, not excellent but at least an average dance partner.” He said, scratching his neck sheepishly.

And at every table, I’ll save you a seat Loverr

You didn’t know that you could fall for him even more. He learned to dance, just for you. He knew you loved to dance so he tried to become better at it, just for you. You knew how hectic his schedule can get but still he took some time off it to learn how to dance, just for you. You loved this man so much and you’ll never get tired of admitting this.

Can I go where you go?

“There’s still something I need to do.” He said, now sounding somewhat nervous.

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him in suspicion, “what is it?”

You didn’t want to think the worse but with the way he was behaving, you couldn’t help it. Is this it? Is he going to break things off? You didn’t know how you will survive if your thoughts came true.

Can we always be this close?

He took a deep breath before reaching for his pocket and taking out a small box. He bent down on his knees and held open the box in front of you. You widened your eyes at sight before you and gasped when you realised what was happening.

“Y/N, I never knew I could love someone as much as I love you. You’re the ride and die for me, the one who is everything to me, the one who’s laugh and smiles makes my day, the one who’s tears break my heart, the one who will always own my heart. And I can’t believe that you love an idiot like me. I want you to be the first and only love for me. I want you to be the one who lights up my day with just a smile, who makes my nights beautiful with just a touch.”

Forever and ever and Ah

“I want to be the one for you who you’ll spend forever with just like you have always dreamed of. I don’t want to spend another minute without you being by my side.”

You’re my my my my

“So Y/N L/N, will you marry me?” he finished, tears falling from his eyes. You didn’t know when you started crying but this moment was the best moment of your entire life. You practically jumped on Satoru as you hugged him.

Oh you’re my my my my

“Yes, yes a million times yes!” you said in between your tears as Satoru hugged you back. When you pulled away, he slowly slipped the ring onto your ring finger.

You immediately leaned in and kissed him, pouring all your unsaid love into this kiss. He kissed you back with the same passion as you. You felt like you fell for him all over again. The love story that started long back when you were in university, when you never thought he even knew your existence, when you never thought he’ll notice you, when you never thought he would even speak yet alone dance with you. And you definitely didn’t think that out of everyone, Gojo Satoru was ��The One’ for you. But even after everything, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Happy new year, Gojo.”

“Happy new year to you too, soon-to-be Mrs Gojo.”

Darling you’re my my my my

Loverrr <3

________________________________________

ever blushed while reading your own writing? I just did lmao. Hope y’all liked this!

[chussyracing]

what has been happening in the world of motorsports lately?

The actual news

Checo confirmed he is out of Red Bull

Liam confirmed he will pair up with Max in Red Bull for 2025

Isack Hadjar got confirmed as VCARB driver for 2025

Valtteri got confirmed as Mercedes reserve driver (with potential that if Kimi underperforms they have a stable experienced driver ready)

Bianca Bustamante is moving to GB3 for 2025 with Elite Motorsport

Sophia Flörsch is joining HMD Motorsports in Indy NXT for 2025

Lilou Wadoux is joining Richard Mille AF Corse in ELMS for 2025 WEC series

Gina Schumacher (she is not a Schumacher anymore is she? But it counts) is expecting a baby girl awwww

This happened some time back already but Mike Crack said that Lance and Fernando are almost the same and the gap between them is really small

Also Domenicali has been speaking more about Lewis to Ferrari and (besides saying they love each other a lot now with Charles) he said Lewis should learn Italian (be so real)

[or not only news, this is unconfirmed as of now] Carlos is supposed to get F1-75 as a car he won his first race with (unfairly :))

since Mercedes had a deal with Monster and they are moving to McLaren and also because of the Celsius deal Ferrari has, Lewis will be parting ways with Monster (there is more to say about sponsors, with UniCredit bank and IBM being added to Ferrari’s portfolio or ByBit leaving Red Bull but getting Ava Trade or Castor leaving Alpine)

Fred confirmed the Ferrari for 2025 will be 99% new (he also brushed away all the headlines they tried to pull out of him about Lewis being washed or whatever they try to get every time)

Lewis started following Ferrari and Ferrari started following Lewis AND Roscoe

He also changed his profile picture and posted on LinkedIn about how he cannot wait for the new champter in red and andiamooo

Briatore (please do not trust a word he says but i will cover it anyway) teased that Jack will START the season with Alpine and then they will evaluate both drivers – what kinda snowballed to it is a rumour about Jack only having 5 races contract for now on

Similarly to this Horner went on about Liam and how he shouldn’t try to beat Max but they expect him to be withing 3 tenths off him

Racing Bulls moved another part of the team to Milton Keynes (do we still even call them Italian team)

Marcus Ericsson is working on Cadillac’s sim, also Pat Symmonds officially started working for Cadillac on 1st of January

Enrico Cardile started working for Aston Martin

Ferrari passed the 2025 crash test (and there are rumours they started working on their car sooner than others for 2025)

Tag Heuer is officially new F1’s time keeper (but i already covered this previously, didn’t i? rip)

Btw i didn’t find any confirmation for this so take it as my theory only but Moet could replace Ferrari Trento on the podiums (Moet is Champagne, Trento is sparkling wine, Moet is part of LVMH which is the umbrella behind Tag Heuer as well)

Senna’s statue in Imola was a target of vandalism not once but TWICE this December

Martin Brundle is on the list to get OBE from King Charles for his service to motorsport broadcast coverage

If you watched some pics from the post season test in Abu Dhabi the tiddy accentualizing fireproofs Charles wore were a part of the new cooling kit which will be used when heat hazard is claimed by FIA during a race weekend

Oh and Dakar started btw do not forget to watch!!

The gossip my comms couldn’t help sharing

Liam to RBR was set up months ago as per Yuki’s manager, so any of his great performances at the end of the season had any influence on it and before he did the after season test with RBR, everyone already knew

Horner explained his decision to the team that Liam has „a higher ceiling“ than Yuki (caugh racism), so although Yuki was better in all statistics than any of his teammates this year (besides race head to head with Daniel where they were equal 9/9), they will give the chance to Liam

Also yes there was a very nasty mention about how Liam is not afraid to be aggressive which is something they criticized Yuki for MERCILESSLY

Also they insisted Isack is faster than Yuki in the Red Bull based on their tests (which is objectively a lie with the different running plans but okay)

Horner has also been very sus about what will happen with Yuki next saying after 5 years in a junior team you have to let a driver go or „think differently“??

Red Bull is using an older wind tunnel of Toyota which Haas also uses and Haas also uses part of Ferrari facilities and shares some info with them as a part of their engine deal (not like. confidental stuff okay)

James Vowles asked FIA to take the few last crashes out of their budget cap, but FIA answered why would they do that because all teams cover their drivers‘ crashes out of the set up budget cap

Flavio Briatore promised Renault CEO Luca de Meo that Alpine will be winning in three years time „or something like that“

Jack is only appointed for the first few races and then it remains to be seen based on his results

Some fun facts

Alpine ended up p6 in the championship which is equal worst result in the constructors of the team under this branding and scored 55 points less than last year which just goes to show the freaking recency bias in this sport (or any sport at that point)

The fact about Pierre costing his team 0 in damage cost is pretty much bullshit but it spread all over the even most credible media, under the „destruction championship“ all costs on the car are counted – even when the drain cover damaged Charles‘ car on the first day of testing, his damage got rambed up like a quarter of a million in costs (notably if you wanna look deeper into it: Pierre’s biggest damage this year stemms from Monaco, Japan and Vegas when he got into collision with Esteban, then he also got into collision with Esteban and then his engine blew out and left a huge gaping hole in his side pod)

McLaren was the first team with no classified DNFs (because lando was classified in Austria)

Oscar completed every racing lap (although he almost got lapped by Lando in Abu Dhabi) as the 4th driver in history after lewis, michael and max

What everyone has been doing during the break

Charles was at some grand opening in Monaco with Prince dickpiercing name

Valtteri got his hair a bit blonder again

Lando and George went skiing

Charles took the other route and went to play golf with both brothers in Mexico where the whole family spent the holidays

Franco received silver Olympia award and then randomly admitted to having sex in the car

Oscar and Logan are allegedly both in the UK

Este got Playstation 5 for Christmas

Nando drove Senna’s McLaren

Daniel had some wine?? Idk i don’t really follow many Daniel blogs (also he deleted some Red Bull related posts from Instagram)

Max was preparing for Chrismas in Monaco (and apparently was just a few meters away from Carlos because Monaco is as big as my flat) but he was also testing GT cars at Portimao (going p1… unexpected)

Carlos also had a fake mustache and piercings applied for a prank (or something. The concept was to surprise someone, do you even call that a prank nowadays?)

Liam cut his hair and he has been giving some controversial interviews

Pierre arguably got even worse haircut (he is bald but not fully bald, go look for it)

[mystic-writings]

emergency contact | jack hodgins

pairing — jack hodgins x fem!booth!reader

summary — hodgins hasn’t heard from you in over six months, after you broke up with him and disappeared. until he gets an alarming phone call in the middle of the night

warnings — angst, canon-typical violence, mentions of death

word count — 2,528

notes — a few things: i wrote this back in january, and it was rushed and poorly done but im being self-indulgent for this one | also im not tagging anyone bc i wanna see how far this will get on its own (except for my beloved @shmaptainwrites who indulged me ily mimi)

masterlist | navigation

2:47am

Despite his many years working for the Jeffersonian, Hodgins had yet to get used to his phone ringing at odd hours. With a groan and a stretch, his palm landed where his phone lay on the nightstand table. Without checking the caller ID, he picked up the phone and slurred out a tired greeting to the caller on the other line.

“Hello, Dr. Hodgins, I’m Marie, calling from the George Washington University Hospital.” Why was a hospital calling him so late at night? “You’re listed as the emergency contact for Y/n Booth, correct?”

Your name sent a shock through Jack’s body. “I— I guess so, yeah. Why? Is she okay?”

“Your fiancée was shot on duty, sir. She’s in surgery right now. We suggest you be with her when she wakes up.”

Without a second thought, Jack hung up the phone and flung out of bed. He didn’t care how things ended between the two of you, good or bad, but he knew one thing for certain: he needed to make sure you were okay. After scrambling for a decent set of clothing and his car keys, Jack rushed out of the house and down the near-empty streets to the hospital you were taken to. 

Even though his mind was running at a mile a minute, Jack managed to recall what the nurse had told him. Shot on duty. You took a sabbatical seven months ago, were you back in town? Surely Booth must’ve known, he was your brother and co-worker, he had to have. Did he spare telling Jack to avoid the inevitable turmoil? Obviously you’d been back long enough to take a case, so it wasn’t like you had decided to come back out of the blue. 

By the time he found parking, it was half past 3 in the morning, and Jack’s heart refused to stop beating out of his chest, his palms sweating rivers as he clenched and unclenched them. Despite all of this, though, he approached the front desk with a cracking resolve, trying his best to be put together for the sake of not distressing the night staff and lingering patient family members. 

“Could you tell me where Y/n Booth is?”

The nurse behind the counter glanced up at him. “Connection to the patient?”

“I’m her-” he stumbled on the words. “Her, uh, fiancé. Emergency contact.” 

She typed a few things into the computer when a voice from behind caught Jack’s attention. 

“Hodgins.” Booth called, approaching with a weary face and a cup of likely burnt coffee.

Jack nearly sprinted over to the man, blue eyes frantically searching for answers in his features. “What’s up, man? I mean, what the hell happened?”

Booth took Hodgins by the arm and led him down a hallway, over to the elevators. “We were going after a perp. I told her not to go in first, that I’d handle the hard part. She didn’t listen, the bastard got her from behind, shot out one of her kidneys. Been in surgery for almost,” he checked his watch, “three hours now.” 

Jack deflated just as the elevator doors dinged open. The pair stepped inside, the space empty apart from themselves. “I just— I don’t get it. Yesterday, she was somewhere even I didn’t know, taking some damn sabbatical. Yesterday, I was still pissed at her. Now? She’s in surgery because she was on a case. Because some asshole shot her. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do with that, Booth?”

Unable to provide any kind of emotional support or response, Booth remained quiet as his friend tried his best not to break down in the elevator. 

When the doors opened, Jack attempted to regain his composure as best as he could while Booth led him down the hall. There was a separate waiting room here, for family members who had someone in surgery. He sat opposite Booth, next to a sleeping little girl and her obviously exhausted mother. 

He had no bearing of the passage of time, and felt as though there was no energy left within him to check the watch on his wrist. All he did was sit with his hands on his knees, head tilted to the sky, one leg bouncing like an infinite rubber ball. At some point, a doctor came out to notify the mother of her husband’s successful surgery — his tumor was gone, he’d told her, and there was little chance of it coming back. 

It wasn’t until the sun started to peek in through the waiting room windows that a surgeon called out your name. Booth had been asleep in the chair across from Jack, but he was wide awake. The pair jumped up and approached the doctor, throwing questions at him rapidly. 

“Y/n is okay. Surgery went well, though we’ll have to keep her here for longer than expected.”

“Why? What happened?” Booth asked. 

The doctor sighed. “Due to the location of the entry wound, the bullet caused too much damage to her right kidney. For now, she’ll only be functioning with one until we can find a donor match. She’ll be on dialysis weekly and some medication to assist the working kidney, but otherwise, she’ll be just fine in a week or so. The bullet did puncture the liver and small intestine, but the speed of the bullet slowed enough to only cause minor damage, nothing we couldn’t fix up.” He told them, and a wave of relief crashed over the pair. “She’s being brought up to her room now, if you’d like to go wait with her.”

Jack only nodded, Booth trailing him as the doctor led them up one more floor, where you were being transferred to the ICU. It was painful, seeing you after so  long, only for you to be hooked up to so many machines, laying nearly helpless in a bed. He pulled a chair up to your right side, reaching for your limp hand to hold, hoping you could feel him. 

Hoping you knew he was there. That you knew he always would be.

Booth leaned against the door frame, watching everything with anguish. After you left for California, you kept in constant contact with your older brother. But even in those months, you never explained why you broke off the engagement so suddenly. Why you took a surprise sabbatical, why you went to California specifically. Why you became so closed off, so cold to everyone, even to Parker. 

After a while, Booth left Jack alone to go pick up Parker from his mother’s house. He promised to be back later, your nephew in tow, and pressed a featherlight kiss to your forehead before he left. 

Jack, swimming in an ocean’s worth of thought, barely noticed the sun coming over the horizon in the window opposite him. All he could do was process the emotions flowing through him. Anger, that you left him so suddenly and without explanation. Despair, that you’d come back so long ago and didn’t come to see him, to work things out. Worry, that despite your life-saving surgery, you wouldn’t get a new kidney, or that you’d never be the same again. Anger again, but at the bastard who shot you. Triumph, that he was rotting in a cell right now. 

 Jack’s only comfort in the sterile, whitewashed room was the steady beeping emanating from the heart monitor, a small assurance that you were okay. His hand remained clasped over yours for hours, thumb stroking the smooth skin on the back of your hand. Partly as a comfort to himself that you were still there, but mostly, he believed, a comfort to you. He hoped you could feel it; that you could feel his presence. He hoped his presence comforted you. 

By the time you woke up, all the worry had faded from Jack’s body and exhaustion had taken its place. He was asleep, head supported by his arm on the side of the chair, when he heard the sheets rustle in the bed. 

Somehow, in all your years of work, this was the first time you ended up in the hospital due to a job-related injury. It wasn’t the first time you woke up dazed after a surgery with little memory of how you got there, though. 

The sheets, despite being thin, weighed down your legs and torso, providing warmth and comfort. You could feel the leads for the heart monitor stuck to your chest, irritating your skin in the slightest bit. There was a cannula feeding oxygen into your system, though it rubbed the skin on the back of your ears uncomfortably. The main thing, though, was that your torso hurt. 

Despite that, you managed to notice something weighing down your right hand. It was warm, warmer than the blankets. And heavier. Garnering the courage to open your eyes, you blinked to adjust to the sunlight and fluorescent lights, trying to shift yourself upward, wincing when it pulled on your wound. Instead, you glanced over at your hand, only to find another on top of it. Following the arm connected to it, your heart stuttered and cracked when you found a sleeping Hodgins sitting next to your bed. Emotion swelled within your chest and tear ducts just at the sight of him, sleeping so peacefully next to you, his hand over yours in a firm grasp, as if that was the only thing that assured him that you were really here. 

Slowly, quietly, you tried to pull your hand out from under Jack’s, only for the movement to wake him up. He stretched with a deep inhale, blinking rapidly as he took in his surroundings. It wasn’t until he noticed you were awake that he seemed to come to his senses. 

“Hey,” he nearly whispered. “How’re you feeling?”

You bit back a scoff. “Terrible. First job back and of course I had to get myself shot.” 

Jack fought a smile, scooting forward to raise the bed up for you to sit properly. “They said they got all the fragments of the bullet during surgery. You’re down a kidney for now, though.”

You only nodded, allowing yourself some time to gather your thoughts. “Why are you here, Hodgins?”

“Apparently, I’m still your emergency contact.” He told you, sitting back down and resting his elbows on his knees. “And apparently, I still care about you enough to show up.” 

“Don’t put that on me.” You whispered, chest restricting as tears fought their way back to your waterline. “You can’t say that to me. Not after what I did to you. You should hate me. I mean, really hate me. Like, praying for my downfall, kind of hate. You shouldn’t still care about me.”

“Well, apparently I do. I thought I hated you, for a long time. But I guess I don’t.” Jack sighed,  taking your hand. You wanted to protest, to pull away, but you let him. “I guess this was a wakeup call for me. Literally. They called me at 3 in the morning to tell me you were in surgery.”

You laughed, a wet sound underlined with sadness. “I’m sorry, Jack. Really, I am. I just…”

“What, don’t love me? It’s okay. I’ve learned to live with it.” 

Even when he should hate you, Jack still understood, and even worse, he still loved you. He was, somehow, the world’s most understanding man. God, you love him. 

“No, no I don’t hate you. Actually, it’s the opposite. I just wish things could’ve gone differently.” 

Now Jack was just confused. “What d’you mean? You broke up with me for a reason, right? You told me you didn’t love me anymore.”

“It’s too complicated, Jack. I want to explain it all to you, really, but it’s not safe. I don’t know if or when it will be, and I won’t blame you if you want to find someone else, or if you already have. You deserve to be happy, Jack. You should move on from me.” 

“I don’t want anyone else.” Jack said, emphasizing each word and squeezing your hand. “I just want you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were it for me, Y/n. Even with your brother breathing down my neck to not even think about pursuing our relationship. It was terrifying, but I ignored it. Because you were too important to have in my life. I couldn’t risk passing you up. I just don’t understand why you ended things so suddenly.”

The tears that you had been attempting to keep at bay for this entire conversation now flowed freely down your cheeks, the emotions you’d kept close to your chest for nearly a year now breaking free. Jack, like the gentleman he was, gently tilted your head toward him, reaching up and using the pads of his thumbs to brush them from your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered, daring to look him in the eye. 

“Don’t be.” He whispered. 

“I have to be. I hurt you. I ruined everything. And it wasn’t even worth it. It  didn’t change anything.”

Despite his confusion, Jack said nothing. He simply stood to his full height and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling you into his chest — minding your wounds and stroking your hair. “It’s okay. You’re home now. We can fix this.”

“No we can’t.” You shook your head, looking up at him. “Jack, there’s nothing left to fix. Because if we fix it, you’ll die.” 

After what felt like an eternity of swirling, spiraling thoughts, Jack found his voice. “What?”

“That’s why I left.” You said. “I was ordered to. I was working on a case, some underground organized crime syndicate. I found out some stuff I shouldn’t have. My hands were tied, I had no choice.” Choking back a sob, you wiped the tears from your face and took a breath. “It was either break up with you, call off the wedding, and leave, or everyone I loved would die. They were gonna kill you, kill Seeley and Parker, and drain your accounts. There was nothing I could do.” 

Jack pulled you in tighter, his whole worldview shifting and turning on an axis. He couldn’t speak — hell, he could barely even think right now. Jack had spent months grieving your relationship, questioning why you broke things off, harboring a ruthless anger at what his life had become, and all of it faded to dust in an instant. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you whispered, pulling Jack back to the present. “I work with these people, Jack. They could ruin me in an instant.” 

“We’ll fix this, I promise.” Jack declared, and despite the fear that had overridden your senses for the past few months, you couldn’t help but believe him. 

You only nodded, curling further into him as best as you could with your incisions. Fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie, you listened to the beat of his heart beneath you and took a deep breath. 

Soon enough, you were drifting off to sleep with the firm belief that soon enough, with the help of your family, somehow, everything would be okay. 

if you want more jack fics, please feel free to comment and let me know!! writing for smaller characters is always a gamble but if people read this i’d be more than happy to do so!

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[panda-writes-kpop]

heyyyyy folks, it's been a while (over 3 months but who was counting... 🤷‍♀️). the last three months have been INSANE, i've never written so many papers or done so many essays or completed so many assignments 🫠 and that's just the school part of it - i also work part time at a local grocery store and I interned for two days a week at a local health department 😌 so to say I've been busy would be an understatement, to say the least 😭

life's also been pretty stressful on top of everything else - i've had a grandparent in and out of the hospital and care facilities over the past three months. there's a pretty good chance that he will spend the rest of his life in a nursing home/hospice, depending on if he needs end of life care or not. it sucks, and i really don't know what else to say 😕

add on a nice topping of ✨️post us election dread✨️ and i hit my breaking point about a month ago. i love writing from the bottom of my heart, but i needed to take care of me first 🫶 so i took some time to relax, finished the blue lions route in fe3h, and almost finished watching s4 of supernatural 💙 don't worry - i'm in a better place now that school is over, and i have time to destress.

which brings me back to my writing. I did start writing a Christmas fic featuring one of the aespa members that I'm hoping to get out before Christmas, but I'll be happy if it comes out before 2025 😌 plus I need to do siyeon's birthday fic for this year, so I'm all caught up with them 💖 then it's time to work on requests before I go back to school in the middle of January 😭 I've given up on a schedule at this point, my life is so hectic at the moment so I cannot make any promises to y'all but i'll try to post as much as i can 🫶

but thank you for sticking around, if you're still following me after these three months 🫶 i promise there will be good things to come in the new year, once i get my shit together and life stops throwing endless curveballs at me.

I hope you all have a happy holiday season with your friends or family!! Eat good food and take care of yourself - it's easy to stress yourself out this time of year. Finals are over for us college folks, and it's time to relax and enjoy our loved ones (and the food!!) If you don't have anyone to spend the holidays with, I wish you nothing but happiness and love for the holiday season! 💜

much love and many, many thanks for a wonderful 2024 on tumblr,

panda/katie 🩷

[redgoldblue]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

tagged by @itwoodbeprefect - i have also been thinking about this so thank you for taking the initiative!

tagging @faorism @gallantrejoinder if you'd care to do this in any form (including as writing/art review)!

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 52,220, apparently. Which is actually... basically last year's but minus 10k because I didn't do H50 Big Bang this year, because med school. most things in my life now can be stated as 'because med school'. (actually I just realised I didn't do it last year either, but that was because I was already finishing a 10k H50 fic. so my point stands)

fics posted: either 6 or 29, depending on whether one counts the advent calendar as one fic or 24. plus 3 posted only on Tumblr.

first fic: love don't treat you like that (babe, I'm letting you know) (H50). on the NINTH of january, apparently. i've already lost my first-fic-of-the-year contest to last year, unless i unexpectedly finish something today.

last fic: Advent Calendar 2023 / ...Zaph Kilkane, the pre-eminent climate scientist of the 22nd century...

-

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

would you believe I literally did not repeat a fandom this year, outside of the advent calendar. and this year's AC had the most fandoms since 2019.

Hawaii Five-0 (McDanno)

NCIS: LA (Sallen)

Starsky & Hutch (S/H)

House MD (Hilson)

MASH (Punnihawk)

and then AC-only ones:

Star Trek (Spirk)

The Man From UNCLE (Napollya)

911 (Buddie)

Due South (i don't know ship names. are there ship names? Fraser/RayK)

Good Omens (Azcrow)

Leverage (thiefsome)

Almost Paradise (Ernesto/Alex. alesto. i'm coining it)

-

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

I mean, I have 6 posted fics that can be kudosed separately.

love don't treat you like that (babe, I'm letting you know) (H50)

When You're Loving Me (That's When I'm Loving You) (NCIS: LA)

Advent Calendar 2023 (see above. nine fandoms)

my powers of expression and thoughts so sublime / could never do you justice in reason or rhyme (House MD)

Finding A Cure In You (S&H)

-

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

okay, I'm going to count distinct chapters of the advent calendar for this. in no particular order and subject to mood change:

When You're Loving Me (That's When I'm Loving You) (NCIS: LA) - I cited this as a contender for my favourite fic I've written a couple months ago, so obviously it has to go in the year's. what can i say, fake dating is an immaculate trope, and this also all came onto the page very easily which is always vaguely miraculous.

there you go pulling me right back in (H50) - sometimes vague prompts i've had down for ages write up as something that's. fine, but a bit clunky, and I just have to move on bc it's the advent calendar and a new fic each day. sometimes I start writing them and they spring into life with joyous delight. or in this case, uninhibited grumpiness and love.

singing yesterday's songs wishing i could be with you tonight (MASH) - the one that didn't make it into the top 5 kudosed, I assume partially due to being locked and partially due to being a serious tone, not terribly shippy, and Peg POV. But I've had some version or other of it for a long time, it's one of those stories I'm genuinely proud of, and I was glad to finally post it.

Totally Normal (Due South) - it's fun. it was fun. I was slightly nervous about it, because the only prior Due South thing I'd written was Dief POV and this was Fraser and RayK POV and the first time writing either of those, but it turns out watching + liveblogging four and two seasons, respectively, of a character in four months is. enough to cement their voices in my head. it was unexpectedly easy and also. fun.

Festive Spice (MUNCLE) - i just think it epitomises the advent calendar. in the words of coolbreezemage, 'yesssss bake cakes and kiss your partner'.

HMs:

Finding A Cure In You (S&H) - this doesn't make it to the above list due to the fact that I haven't actually managed to reread it since I posted it. but just for the amount of time I spent with it, how different it is to my usual M.O. of writing, and the weird way I wrote it (entirely in the notes app, with almost zero rereading while writing), I have to somehow mention it.

A Thousand Words / To Be Spared (Good Omens) - I don't know if they're favourite but I do think they're good. and the format of to be spared was pleasingly experimental and i think it worked.

-

Fandom Fic Events 🤝

also the Starsky & Hutch SHarecon zine! which the zine still holds copyright on, but will be posted in April.

-

Projects for 2024 👀

mmm gonna sort this differently and also ramble

Ones that will definitely be finished in 2024 and if they aren't you have free rein to come to my house and tie me to a chair come November: MUNCLE wip, The Unwitting Truth Affair/The Honesty Affair, I haven't actually decided which title yet;

Starsky & Hutch, the still-unnamed Huggy & Pete wip.

Ones I have both hope and some amount of faith will be finished in 2024 and if they aren't you have free rein to come into my inbox and harass me about them: Hawaii Five-0 wip, Much Ado About Something (*salutes squares*);

other Hawaii Five-0 wip, state of disrepair. yes, I'm manifesting state of disrepair 2024. probably november/december 2024, but i'm manifesting it anyway;

Leverage wip, all that I want is a kind heart to haunt

Ones I would like to be finished in 2024, and if my brain decides it likes them might be, but all you have free rein for is to politely ask me about them once per business month: Hawaii Five-0 cath/steve/danny pwp, Wait A Minute Let Me Take You There;

horny S&H wip, Previews Of Your Body Driving Me Insane;

S&H Vanessa coda, so cordial / so rotten (don't ask me);

Good Omens wip, love won't you be as you've always been

Ones I don't expect to finish in 2024 but would like to get some words down in: angsty S&H wip, Relentless As The Rain;

ridiculous undercover H50 wip, Four Seasons of Love;

other ridiculous H50 wip, The Irritating, Annoying, Infuriating, (Effective) Seduction Techniques of One Steven J. McGarrett;

SPN ..wip? depending on the time limit on 'progress'?, Smells Like Turpentine.

vague thoughts: i'd like to write a full-length (for whatever value of that. the AC ones actually were full-length, especially the second one, but what I really mean is AC-independent) due south fic. they're very weird and i enjoyed writing them, and I'd also like to write something with RayV in it. maybe if I successfully inspired @itwoodbeprefect to write new ds, when she does that it will inspire me to write something, and we can set up a ping-pong game. no, wait, that's mixing fandoms.

I expect more MUNCLE fic. this one's already 3.5k and rocketing along, and i'm only two-thirds of the way through season 1. what form that will take i don't know at this stage but we'll see.

....i was discussing the vague concept of house/h50 crossover fic with squares literally yesterday and on the one hand I haven't written a crossover since 2014 and also don't want that to be my legacy, but on the other hand i think there is at least a 50% chance it's going to stick in the back of my brain and keep niggling.

[toomanysurveys9]

Long time, no post.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

Pizza. Jacob went to talk to the Papa John's owner(?) by us to see if he could start sooner.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on?

Definitely pay off all the debt. Buy a new house for Jake, our kiddos, and I. Buy a house for my parents, so we didn't have to keep living together. Fix our car. Buy Jake a truck. And savings for each of the kiddos.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I'm sure.

What does your bedroom smell like right now?

Not great - I need to clean it. Pretty sure Nora left a milk cup in there but I can't find it.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before?

I have not.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids?

I have four kids. We have one boy and three girls.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them?

I have no idea. I don't want to have anymore kids. Four is more than enough.

Describe your outfit.

Maternity leggings that are now too big and one of Jake's work shirts.

What gigabyte is your memory card?

Don't have one.

What brand is your digital camera?

I just use my phone so I told the camera I did have because we needed the money more.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend?

A couple weeks ago. Had a baby shower for one of them.

What is a movie you're waiting to see?

I honestly don't even know what's out right now.

Who was the last person to cook something for you?

Whoever made the pizzas from Papa John's.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something?

All the time. It's terrible.

If so, what is it?

So many things. It'd take too long to list but most are bad.

What’s on tv right now?

Jake's playing Rocket League on PS4. I'm waiting until my grandma is allowed to take her meds after I helped my youngest sister do her homework because my mom got pissed at me because she's spying through the ring camera in the dining room and saw I took my 3-year-old and almost 5-month-old up to bed and evidently my grandma then also tried going to bed. And because I didn't feel like fighting my youngest sister about her homework, so I didn't check it.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses?

Not so much.

Where do you download music from?

I use Pandora and Amazon Music.

How many channels do you have on your tv?

Too many. And most of us only use streaming.

What are you most scared of?

Something bad happening to my babies.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose?

Justin. He's my cousin that committed suicide.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

Nope.

If so, which one?

None.

What is your mom doing right now?

Probably watching the ring camera and talking shit or complaining to my dad. Because they're in TN right now. And I'm just a big failure that is ruining their vacation and going to make them come home early, which I won't hear the end of for the rest of my life probably. Even though they usually go out of state at least every six months, usually more often. By themselves.

Are you currently listening to music?

Nope.

What is the weather like right now?

45 degrees.

Do you like new music or older music?

Both.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make?

Oof. Where to start with the shit-show that is about to occur in the US in January..

What was the last video game you played?

I don't remember.

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now?

I'm doing this and Jake is playing video games with one of his buddies. I'm about to go to bed when I finish this.

Do you know where your best friend is?

Home. And hospital. My friend in the hospital might be having her baby boy early.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?

I'd have to look but I left my phone upstairs.

What is your display picture of on Facebook?

A picture of Jake, the kiddos, and I from when we went to the apple orchard.

Do you ever sit and think about the past?

Too much. Lately it's been especially bad.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be?

Hmm. Has to be one of the times after giving birth to my kids. Like when we went home for the first time. Probably after Olivia since she was our last so we'd have all of our babies.

Are you a talker or a listener?

Listener for sure.

What is one food you will not eat?

I don't do seafood.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat?

Lots of stuff. I was super picky before Jacob.

Have you ever kissed the same sex?

On a dare.

When does school start this year?

Whenever I can find a new internship site. Love my life right now.

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason?

No.

Have you stuck with your new years resolution?

I don't make them.

Do you need to lose any weight right now?

Yeah.

What is something you want right now?

Not have so many extra people living in our house.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores?

I never cared.

What always puts a smile on your face?

Hugs from my babies. Smiles from them.

Where can I find you on a Saturday night?

At home.

What is the best thing about Sundays?

Nothing really.

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)?

Pandora is my preferred if Jake isn't using it. We share his.

How many songs do you have?

A lot.

When was the last time you had a period?

I guess right after I had Olivia if we want to count that. Otherwise it's been over a year.

Why do you think the sky is blue?

Whatever science says..

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose?

Maybe a pretty light purple. I don't know. Or just nighttime all the time.

Is there anything wrong with you right now?

My life is a fucking disaster and I feel completely alone. So a lot.

Do you hate when people stare at you?

It makes me uncomfortable, so yes.

[softlighter]

fanfic round up 2023

List of Fanworks (posted!)

a fairy tale [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated Gen | the first kiss]

out [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated E | heats are a thing i guess]

How to Stop a Wedding in Six Months [RWBY | Bumbleby, Gen | rated Teen+ | the Polite Society AU] (WIP)

catharsis [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel hires a dominant]

careful (everyone wants to be us) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | the Devil Wears Prada AU] (WIP)

waiting games [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel hires a dominant part 2 electric boogaloo]

tithe [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | Galadriel and Halbrand are chosen for a fertility/mating ritual]

Fucking In Love [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated E | the Porn Star AU] (WIP)

the first cut is the deepest [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the Fear Street: 1978 AU/Slasher AU]

meant to be (if it comes back) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the exes to lovers modern AU]

dawns y ellyllon [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the Fae drabble]

fire for fire [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | what Galadriel's love feels like drabbe]

clichè [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | the clichè family Halloween drabble]

once upon a time [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | the tragedy of it all drabble]

parenthood [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the early years drabble]

what almost was [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | what haunts Galadriel drabble]

one day more [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | the Les Mis Drabble]

fortitude [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the post reveal drabble]

of the dawn [LoTR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | the Atalanta A/B/O AU] (WIP)

aurora (the beginning of the end) [RWBY | Bumbleby | rated Teen+ | the rock stars AU]

in the mouth of the wolf (good luck) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated M | the Palm Springs/Time Loop AU] (WIP)

the darkest day [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Teen+ | Celebrían sails West while her parents watch on]

the slightest taste [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated Gen | waiting and love and opposites attract]

the consummation (coup d'états wait for no one) [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | a public marriage consummation]

you know where to find me [Baldur's Gate 3 | Shadowzel | rated E | totally hate sex definitely not crushing on each other]

small town smokeshow [LotR: TRoP | Haladriel | rated E | kidnapping AU] (WIP)

+ four yuletide offerings to be revealed in January!

WIPs Posted: doubt the stars (RWBY) How to Stop a Wedding in Six Months (RWBY) careful (everyone wants to be us) (RWBY) Fucking in Love (RWBY) of the dawn (LotR: TRoP) in the mouth of the wolf (good luck) (LotR: TRoP) small town smokeshow ( LoTR: TRoP)

WIPs Unposted/In Progress:

the first cut is the deepest sequel (LotR: TRoP)

dead dove threesome (LotR: TRoP)

yang's body (RWBY)

catharsis part three (LotR: TRoP)

Measure for Measure AU (LotR: TRoP)

something SFW for Shadowzel (BG3)

Total Number of Completed Works/Fandoms Written In: 24 completed works for a total of just under 150k posted. posted five RWBY fics, posted twenty one LotR: TRoP fics, and one Baldur's Gate 3 fic.

Overall Thoughts: horny as hell, tracks.

Personal Favorite: my personal favorite for the year is probably the first cut is the deepest, mostly because of the themes I get to explore. the sequel is shaping up to be one of my favorite things I've ever written, but I really do love how visceral and vivid this one is. It was also me really dipping my toe into horror, which has been a blast!

Most Under-appreciated: going to have to once again say the first cut is the deepest because I poured so much into this emotionally and creatively. maybe not my best work of the year, but I really do adore it.

Most Popular: Fucking in Love continues to dominate my stats, but of the ones exclusively posted this year, out had the most hits and a fairy tale had the most kudos! although you know where to find me is creeping up there quickly, especially considering how not so long ago it was posted in comparison to the other two.

Story with the Sexiest Moment: oh GOSH, what a choice! i think i have to go with catharsis when Galadriel is interviewing Halbrand about what punishment "how that would work," I loved that dialogue and body language. That whole fic is really sexy, though, lots of fun moments in there! Out of the corner of her eye, Halbrand shrugged.  “For the first time, I’d recommend staying simple.  It can be overwhelming, for some.  Brings up things some people aren’t ready to feel, or don’t realize they feel.” She tried not to take that as a challenge.  “You’re making it sound intense.” “It can be,” he said.  “I’ve had a lot of criers afterward.  It’s a, ah, catharsis, if you would.  Releases all your pent up shit and makes you feel it.  Not a bad thing, just intense.”  He tilted his head.  “You seem like you would like intense.”   Galadriel bristled, even as her insides turned gooey and her tongue twisted itself into knots.  She settled on, “And if I would?”

Most Fun Story to Write: WHAT A DECISION! writing Fucking in Love with @set-wingedwarrior is always a blast because of its nature as a collaboration. in most recent memory, you know where to find me was exceptionally fun, especially the dialogue scene with everyone. I don't know, writing Astarion and Shadowheart bitching at each other was a blast!

Hardest: emotionally, the darkest day was tough because of personal experiences but also quite a release. creatively, Fucking in Love poses a challenge if only because it is intimidating to be writing such a loved fic. as much as we try to keep that in perspective, knowing thousands of people have literally read it is intimidating!

Biggest Surprise: starting to write dead dove! it came at a crucial point in my personal life, and I'm so grateful it did, for both the emotional coping it has brought me, the community I have found, and the fun i've had.

Did you take any risks in writing this year?: OOO! I guess I took a few! Starting to post dead dove was certainly a choice and one that I'm still nervous about, but also broaching out into horror! I've been quite settled in my niche for a few years now, so trying something new in both those regards was quite a risk for me.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: while it's not posted, I am going to say the sequel to the first cut is the deepest if only because I really dig down into a LOT. of the works I've posted, catharsis was a turning point for me personally in some ways, or a pivot point at least, just because that psychological and emotional release alongside the physical one is such a huge aspect of why I write smut.

Favorite Lines/Scenes: DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE! ahaha, in all seriousness, the parallel opening perspectives and ending in meant to be (if it comes back) makes me tickled pink.

It was the CD still in her car.  The old sweatshirt tucked away on the back shelf of her closet.  The lip balm she still bought whenever she finished because he had liked the taste on her lips, because she had just gotten used to the flavor, she told herself.  It was the way she hadn’t worn that blouse since the breakup, and it was the songs she still put on every new playlist she made but skipped every time.  It was the way she couldn’t drink lemonade now without craving the mint he used to muddle into it for her, the same way she couldn’t ever make it how he did.  It was every imprint he had left on her, in her, and no matter what she did, no matter how she tried to smooth over and scrub every mark he’d left, he stayed like a scar.   ~~~ It was the pair of panties still tucked into his drawer.  The blonde hair ties he kept finding all over his place but never actually tossed out.  The way he hadn’t needed to buy chamomile tea since he’d run out, because she was the only one who drank it and she wasn’t coming back.  It was the shampoo that he’d only switched to because she liked the scent of lemongrass better than his former eucalyptus, and it was the fact that he hadn’t tossed her mug, the one that was short and stout and matte gray, because he didn’t entirely believe that she wasn’t not coming back.  It was the way he still made curry on Thursdays, even though that had been her weekly tradition that he’d stolen when she started coming to his place for almost every meal, but it wasn’t like he could stop himself from craving it.  It was the way she had carved into his life like a scalpel wielded with brutal force, precise and cruel and cutting far too deep, and how he was still gushing blood from every incision.  

My Fave Part of Fandom in 2023: finding a new fandom space in the form of LotR: TRoP fandom! tolkien's writing in incredibly rich, and the people there, especially my fellow Haladriels, has just been incredible for me.

2024 Writing Ambitions: Oh, so many! I don't know if I'll be able to write every day of 2024 as I've done so far with every day of 2023 (!!!), but I hope I continue to make and leave space for my words.

2024 Fics on the Immediate Horizon: Yuletide fic reveals x4 Fucking in Love chapter 16 something self-indulgent, just a matter of which one ends up finished first!

[cyncerity]

hi everyone! little bit of an update!!

to those of you waiting for the next part in the store shifter au: it’s almost done, i swear.

the rest of this is a lengthy explanation cause y’all know me, i can’t write something short. tldr will be bolded at the bottom if you don’t wanna read all this.

i wanna explain something real quick: in my early years of middle school, i was into creepypasta, which pipelined into Marble Hornets, which pipelined into a ton of other slenderverse series. If you don’t know what that is, it’s an ARG with an emphasis on characters being stalked or hunted by Slenderman. All of them are really really good in their own way and do interesting things with not only Slendy, but adding their own new big bad’s and lore and i’d highly recommend watching one if you haven’t yet. (i may make a separate post about which you should watch based on what kind of content you most enjoy cause i really want to indoctrinate more people into this)

My favorite slenderverse at the time had a very big emphasis on early November, specifically November 11th. So i started to have a little tradition of watching those videos every November 11th even after the hyperfixation had faded just for a bit of nostalgia.

Fast forward to now- it has snowballed to the point where every year for over half a decade now, November 11th rolls around and I am thrown violently headfirst back into my slenderverse phase. I cannot control it. I’ll be like “ok this year i’ll be normal about it, after this long, surely watching one video won’t spiral me again” and it always fucking does. No other hyperfixation i’ve ever had has functioned on a calendar cycle so idk wtf this is. This is the 6th year of this. I cannot escape.

So yeah, per how it’s been since middle school, November-January my main hyperfixation will be slenderverse. It could be shorter, it could be longer, but that’s the general pattern i’ve noticed over the years. After that i’ll pretty much be back to normal.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not taking a 3 month hiatus or anything. I promise i will do my best to get the store shifter au part out before fucking 2024. But if you’ve sent me an ask recently and i’ve ignored it, i’m genuinely so sorry, but i can’t force myself to work on new stuff right now when mcyt g/t isn’t my main interest. I’ll do my best to get to it eventually when the hyperfixation comes back a bit more, i do read and process and think about every single ask i receive and it always makes my day when i get a new ask, but yeah. For the next few months i’m probably only gonna be working on and posting stuff that’s been in the works, are from asks that we’re given to me like a year ago and already have wips in progress to answer them, or art that i just haven’t given you yet.

on the other hand, if you’re reading this and you like creepypasta or slenderverse stuff, i’ve created what i think is literally my 5th fucking blog! @cynningly <-i’ve been spamming this for like 4 days cause i refuse to be normal about slenderverse stuff, but follow there if you want horror stuff and so far just a bunch of really shitty edits of internet arg sexyman villains. Also yes all of my blogs have to have “cyn” in the name somewhere, that’s how you can tell it’s me lmao

tldr:

my hyperfixations switched up again, im really into slenderverse (slenderman-centric args) at the moment and likely will be till January. This is a cycle that’s been going on for years now. made an alt for it -> @cynningly

I will still be working to post mcyt g/t stuff, but only stuff that’s a wip or has been in the works for a while. to anyone who has sent an ask recently: sorry, but i can’t take on making new stuff when my focus isn’t purely on mcyt rn. I will do my best to get to it eventually and if you’re one of the people who’s sent a story request or ask recently i truly, truly appreciate it. y’all make my day. but, yeah, that’s what’s going on with me lol

[skeletonfarmer]

I know tumblr is not the best place for relationship advice but pls lol

Also fair warning this is a long post and TW for mention of suicide

Some backstory: my boyfriend (21) and I (22) have been together for two and a half years. I struggle with severe depression and occasional psychotic symptoms (mood swings, hallucinations, irrational thoughts, etc). I was also diagnosed with cancer in January 2022. I recently had to quit my full time job due to mental and physical health reasons, so he is the only one working right now.

So for the past several months, but especially the past few weeks or so my boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot and I’m not sure what to do or if it’s healthy.

There’s always an array of things the arguments are about but usually they can be boiled down to one of us not feeling appreciated/not feeling loved/feeling like we’re being taken advantage of.

Our most recent argument started yesterday afternoon. A mutual friend of ours surprised me yesterday late morning and helped me clean our apartment almost the whole day, it was like 4-5 hours, with a break for lunch of course. Later on she had asked me if my bf and I could babysit because her fiance had gotten tickets to a baseball game and she wanted to go, but she didn’t wanna ask her mom to babysit since she had been watching her all day. I agreed but let her know that it would probably just be me.

Later when we were on the way back to her apartment my boyfriend had gotten off work and gone home. He called me and was immediately rude as I answered the phone, and he complained about how when we were cleaning/organizing, we moved some of his stuff to where he didn’t like it. He was mainly upset that we moved his (large amount) of alcohol bottles to a separate shelf rather than it taking up 1/3 of our already limited counter space. I told him that if he didn’t like where we put the stuff then he should help me clean on the weekends so he could decide where it goes himself. He got really upset and said that since he works and I don’t, it’s my job to clean and he doesn’t have to clean since he works, and that I should know it’s rude to “throw his stuff on a shelf in the corner”

Our friend hears him and when she sees him she goes off on him for awhile about how you talk to someone you love that way, and I didn’t hear much of what was said but what I did hear it sounded like he mainly put blame on me and put me down to try and justify his words and actions.

We argued about it on and off for the rest of the night but I thought by the time we went to bed we were fine.

When we woke up this morning within 30 minutes he was mad again, this time about how we don’t have enough money for groceries this week, bills, or gas for him to get to work. The way he said it made it feel like he was blaming me for not being able to work, so I felt guilty and asked my mom for $30 to help with groceries. He also somehow got a refund for our dinner we had last night, so that was $25-30 back.

After we go grocery shopping I have to go make a return at Big Lots, and when we’re walking out he insists on going into the liquor store next door. I say okay but let him know he shouldn’t get anything since we don’t really have money to pay our bills. Well after 20 minutes in there he buys a bottle of liquor, not sure what or how much but most of the stuff he was looking at was $30-45.

I get visibly upset and when he asks I tell him that it’s irresponsible for him to have an attitude with me and get mad about not having enough money for bills and food, to where I have to ask family for money, but then he goes and buys alcohol. This causes another fight and he goes off on me about how he’s “tired of me bitching at him” and that I won’t let him have fun, I have a problem with everything he does, etc.

A couple of months ago he had mentioned that I need to be more appreciative of him because not many people would have stayed with me through my cancer treatments and my psychiatric hospital stay for a suicide attempt. I haven’t brought this up to him since he said it but I think about it often.

I know I am definitely not perfect and I know I can get an attitude pretty easily sometimes, but I feel like he doesn’t give me as much credit as I deserve. My mental health makes it extremely difficult for me to regularly keep up with house chores, and I always let him know when I’m having a particularly bad day and not much will get done. At the time he says it’s okay but he always holds it over my head the next time we have a confrontation. I really do love him but I am also so tired of feeling like I’m just a maid that’s shitty at her job. I don’t know how to go about fixing this or if there is any way to even do so.

[somberlyyours]

III.

February 11, 2024

On the Asian-American Model Minority Myth and the Tension of Opposites

It’s almost 3 a.m. somewhere in Metro Manila, Philippines. I have been here for three months now, visiting loved ones, and counting down the days and months left in my durational alimony and my means and will to live. This may sound like suicidal ideation to some. I say it is a product of the last four years being played by individuals and institutions I have put my faith and trust in.

Two years ago, in January 2022, I was enrolled in graduate school. I began my graduate program in January 2020, doing my required courses online during COVID-19. I decided to move from FL to STL, MO to complete my field experience at the main campus as we had been informed by the Professional Counseling Department that the online/hybrid program was experiencing difficulties getting accreditation. I could not risk losing my hard-earned graduate school credits going to waste. So I packed up my life in a storage in FL, put the rest of it in a U-Haul truck, and moved halfway across the U.S. to chase my dreams of helping others and bettering myself in what I had hoped would be a purpose-driven, fulfilling career.

In STL, I applied to Casa de Salud, a mental health counseling center in STL, MO as an intern and was accepted. Growing up, I have always had low self-esteem. It took six years for me to find a field of study that played to my strengths: my strength to connect with people and empathize with them. When I got accepted into Casa de Salud, it was quite the confidence booster. I thought, I’m finally on my way to self-actualization after all those years attending to everyone else’s needs…

As an Asian immigrant to the States, specifically, in mostly conservative, rural Florida, I have always been isolated from the larger immigrant communities in big, metropolitan cities. I was sheltered from the harsh realities of racism in America by virtue of my then being married to a White American man. I was aware of racism’s existence from reading about it and watching it on TV. I practically lived in a bubble. Back then, I was simply a married woman who worked hard to care for my loved ones, did what my then husband told, kept my head down, and minded my own business.

My eyes were slowly opened to the harsh realities of racism in America during my enrollment in a graduate course that was a prerequisite to entering a fellowship in the university. I believe the class was called Issues in (Mental Health) Counseling. Every week our professor brought in a different lecturer (via Zoom) discussing special topics affecting minorities and marginalized communities, the topics ranging from healthcare disparities across socioeconomic groups, zoning and housing regulations that perpetuate racial inequity, and other institutional and systemic barriers to minority communities’ upward social mobility.

I listened and absorbed and enthusiastically participated in this class and in all my other classes. The stories of individual hardships and community struggles resonated with me because they’ve been the story of my own life and my people. I craved human companionship and conversation during this time. It was winter when I first arrived in STL, after all. And I’d been working so damn hard. What was that proverb? All work and no play makes a person dull?

I started dating in STL in January 2022. I officially became a divorced woman in February. I matched with several white men on FB Dating. For a very short time on that dating app, I felt young, hopeful, and carefree. Then, I matched with an Asian man. I did not know what to expect meeting him for the first time. I was new in town and thought, what’s the harm in going to lunch in an Asian buffet on a first date? I also thought, maybe it’s time I dated within my own cultural community. My White ex-husband was my first serious relationship. And so, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and said, “What the heck? Go out there, woman.”

That fateful day in February 20, 2022 in Lulu’s STL, was the beginning of the end for me. That’s when the “Asian minority model myth” started crumbling before my very eyes…*

*To be continued…

[mint-moon25]

Watch "Divine Detours | Joel Osteen" on YouTube

TODAY - THURS - 28 DEC 2023 - RECEIVED

AT - MY - FIFTH - THIRD - BANK - APP YES

LA FITNESS - IRVINE - CA - CHEAPER

$37.99 - INSTEAD - OF - $39.99 - FOR

WAS - ANGRY - DIDN'T - KNOW THAT

RENEWAL - TIME - 27TH - SO - GIRL

JUST - CLOSED - ACCOUNT - DIDN'T

ADJUST - WILL - REFUND - NEXT FL

AMOUNT - $37.99 - INSTEAD WHEN

I - CALLED - NOTES - SAID - HISPANIC

FEMALE - 'OLD - YELLER YELLING AT

ME - RECORDING - ALREADY - SAID

20 MIN - B 4 - CLOSING - THEN - AT

LEAST - 2 MIN - AFTER - YELLED AND

ME - ONLY - THERE - FRAUD - '20 MIN

B 4 - CLOSING' - I - WAS - WET - HAIR

WET - NAKED - IN - SHOWER - SAW ME

AT - TREADMILL - WITH - HER - HUGE

PLASTIC - TRASH - CAN - ILLEGAL XO

CORONAVIRUS - NOT - FINISHED - SO

SPREADING - 2 - EXERCISE - EQUIPMENT

DUST - DIRT - GARBAGE - ON - WHEELS

AS - SHE - CIRCULATED - TRIED - 2 YES

AVOID - ME - SEEING - HER - WATCHED

ME - AT - TREADMILL - THEN - KNEW

ONLY - ONE - TAKING - A - SHOWER

YELLED - AT - ME - THEN - I - WAS

LECTURED - 15 MIN - B 4 - M'AM IN

UNITED STATES - ALMOST - LAW IS

9:45P - U - MUST - B - OUT - THEIR

DOOR - TYRANTS - OPPRESSIVE SO

WHEN - I - GOT - $37.99 - REMOVED

MUST - B - DESPAIR - DIDN'T - ADD 2

CHRISTA DI PAOLO - $9.99 - AGAIN

SO - JANUARY - 2024 - YEAR - OF

PROGRESSING - ACHIEVING THE

HIGHEST LEVEL - ATTAINING YES

DR JERRY SAVELLE

FINALLY - CALCULATED - WOULD

HAVE - BEEN - LEFT - $41.06 - SO

FORGOT - CALLED - NEW CLAIMS

YOUNG - WHITE - GUY - MAYBE IT

WAS - SOUTHERN - CALIFORNIA

I - REACHED - MOST - ENERGETIC

LAST - WORDS - ME - HAD - 3 MAJOR

HEART - ATTACKS - SAME - YEAR AND

OVER - 16 HRS - COMA - EACH - AND IT

WAS - LIKE - I - HEARD - BELL OF TACO

BELL - COME - BACK 2 LIFE - WENT YES

BACK - DREAMED - OF - SUPREME

BURRITO - WITH - SOUR - CREAM 2

MY - PASSION - EACH - TIME - YES

DREAMED - OF - WHAT - I - EAT XO

RED - MEAT - MY - MOM - AGE 24

TOKYO - JAPANESE - DROPPED

DEAD - MASSIVE - HEART ATTACK

MY - DNA - AGE 32 - GREAT GRAND

MAMA - DROPPED - DEAD - HEART

STOPPED - BEATING - WE - HAVE

WEAK - HEARTS - WANTED - 2 ASK

HIM - DOES - GIVING - HEART ATTACK

HAD - THAT - IN - SHOWER - 2 NIGHTS

AGO - CONSTITUTE - GREAT - BODILY

FAR - FLORIDA - STATUTES - NUMBERS

STATE - NO - ONE - CAN - GIVE - GREAT

BODILY - HARM - 2 - SENIORS - 65 AND

OLDER - AND - PHYSICALLY - DISABLED

ALL - AGES - SO - HE - AGREED - THAT

HEART - ATTACK - IS - GIVING - GREAT

BODILY - HARM - 2 - THE - DISABLED IT

IS - A - FELONY - 1ST - DEGREE - $$$$$

MONETORY - FINE - WAS - $10,000 - IN

2019 - SO - HE - SAID - THEIR - BANK

CALLING - THEIR - CORPORATE YES

IRVINE - CALIFORNIA - LA FITNESS

39 YEARS - OLD - PLUS - 550 CLUBS

USA - CANADA - FRM - 01 NOV 1984

SALE - BY - ONLINE - EXCEPT - DID

NOT - MENTION - LAST - MONTH 2

$39.99 - WAS - SURPRISED - BY THE

$74.88 - NO - TAXES - BUT - SAID IN

FEW - DAYS - $49 - BUT - TAXED AT

$52.43 - TODAY - THURSDAY - THEY

GAVE - IT - CHEAPER - $37.44 - AND

NEW - CLAIMS - WHITE - MALE SAID

NO - NEED - 2 - CALL - AGAIN 4 THE

PENDING - AMOUNT - $37.44

LA FITNESS - USA - CANADA - WILL

NOT - AS - EMPLOYEES - BE - GIVEN

MY - HDG - BANK - FOR - ETERNITY

8 BUS DAYS - NO - WEEKENDS AND

HOLIDAYS - TEMPORARY - CREDIT

$74.88

$52.43

AFTER - PENDING - 8 DAYS - FOR

$37.99

SAID - ATTACKED - BY - LESBIANS

EMPTY CLASS - 3 PUNCHING YES

BAGS - TALL - STRONG AND LONG

ATTACKED - BY - 2 LESBIANS - ME

RAN - 2 - FRONT - DESK - BLK MALE

FOUGHT - ME - ONLY - GREETED THE

MALE - MEMBERS - NOT - ME - JERK

SAID - 'LIZZIE McGUIRE' - ETHAN - IS

SMART - HE - JUST - READ READING

LIST - NOT - ANY - BOOK - PRINCIPAL

NEW - ETHAN - ACTUALLY - READ

FINALLY - ANYTHING WOW 2 LIST

09 JAN 2024 - $127.31

8 DAYS - AFTER PENDING - $37.99

TOTAL - $165.30

AMAZON - HUB LOCKER - 4 ITEMS

HOMEWOOD - SUITES - NOT - YET

12:50P EST

RAIN - LAST - HOUR - 3P

THEN - NO - RAIN - NIGHT - 2 - DAY

SINCE - RAINING - ONLY - WHAT ME

NEEDED - 2 - BRING - NEW - LT PINK

WATER - RESISTANT - ROSS - BAGS 2

BOUGHT - 4 - AT - $0.99 - ADD TAXES

POSTING - AGAIN - FOLLOWERS - YES

[sadoeuphemist]

r/relationshipadvice · Posted by u/iiherneck 3 hours ago

My (24f) boyfriend (27m) just told me that he thought my tattoo made me look "desperate."

Okay so this is a weird one. Throwaway account, because my boyfriend knows my reddit username.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month now, and I just found out that he thought my tattoo was functional this whole time. For the record, the tattoo is a pair of eyes that I got on the back of my neck. They're smoky eyed, long lashes, and wink offset on a three second cycle. Normally they're hidden by my hair, so I can brush my hair to one side to reveal them. I thought they looked sexy and flirtatious. I've gotten compliments about them before.

Apparently, my boyfriend has thought all this time that I could see out the back of my neck. What's even weirder is that he apparently leaped to the assumption that I got the tattoo because I was paranoid about people stalking me, or something like that? I've tried to find out more, but I kind of laughed at him when he admitted this to me and now he says he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He verbatim said he thought I looked "desperate", because he thought they were blinking one at a time, so one eye would always be open to keep watch???

I feel like I'm going crazy. Nothing like this has ever come up in our relationship before. He's always been very supportive of me, every time I tell him I'm going somewhere he asks if I want him to come along. Maybe almost to the point of being clingy, but frankly I appreciate that sort of attention. And now I find out that all this time he thought he was protecting me?? somehow??? from some vague unknown threat????

At this point I'm wondering if our whole relationship was based on false pretenses due to some ridiculous misunderstanding. I don't know, am I taking this too seriously? Should I just laugh it off? Help me, reddit. I have no idea how I should react to this.

692 comments

__________________________________

montressorsrevenge · 3 hr. ago

Wow. That was not what I was expecting when I clicked the title.

Did your bf know about your tattoo when you started dating, and did he say anything about it then? You have to give us more details here. Is he following you around everywhere? Keeping tabs on your location? This sounds insane.

♡ 1.6 k

iiherneck OP · 3 hr. ago No see that's the crazy thing, my tattoo is part of how we first met! I saw him checking me out at a party, and I thought he was hot, so when I walked by him I made sure to move my hair to the side to show off the eyes. He is not a stalker or a weirdo or anything so don't worry about that. If anything he was trying really hard not to seem pushy when we first met. We didn't even start dating until a few weeks afterwards. ♡ 232 28 more replies

49 more replies

MeowthGrindset · 3 hr. ago

Let me guess: your boyfriend also believes they're putting microchips in the vaccines to track people, shares facebook memes about how human traffickers are hiding beneath your car to slash your achilles tendon, and thinks January 6 was a false flag.

This guy has some serious hang-ups and he's displacing his paranoia onto you because he thinks everyone sees the world the same way he does. Sever.

♡ 1.9 k

Activia1143 · 3 hr. ago So much this. That is a MASSIVE red flag. Guys like that can only conceive of women as property that needs to be protected. You can't get a tattoo just because you think it looks good. Everything a woman does has to be in relation to men, either to appeal to them or to mark herself off as unavailable. OP, you're dating an incel who thinks of himself as your white knight savior. ♡ 1.2 k 81 more replies iiherneck OP · 2 hr. ago He is nothing like that. I don't know why you think it's okay to say things like this about a person you've never met. ♡ - 12 22 more replies

55 more replies

holly-jolly-jolliday · 3 hr. ago

I know that there are people who use body mods as a form of transhumanism, extra eyes and anti-surveillance sigils and everything, but even then it's such a leap to assume you were doing this out of fear and not because it's cool to have 360 degree vision.

It sounds like maybe he read a bunch of William Gibson and got into the whole mindset. Does he have tattoos of his own? Maybe that's why he made the assumption?

♡ 794

iiherneck OP · 3 hr. ago No, he has zero tattoos of his own. I don't think he knows anything about them. Like why would he think I need them to blink out of sync in order to have one eye open at all times?? They don't have tear ducts. They don't dry up. You could just tattoo on an unblinking eye. I actually know a few people irl with functional eye tattoos. They all say it's really disorienting at first but eventually your brain rewires itself to accommodate it? I do not want to rewire my brain. ♡ 153 14 more replies

half_a_cock · 3 hr. ago

I have no idea what's wrong with your boyfriend, but I just want to say that sounds like a really cool idea for a tattoo.

♡ 171

iiherneck OP · 2 hr. ago Haha, thanks! I got the idea from the Great Gatsby. ♡ 82 4 more replies

9inewives · 3 hr. ago

I don't know why you felt the need to humiliate your boyfriend like this. People who mod themselves with extra eyes statistically tend to be disproportionately concerned with countersurveillance/ sousveillance. It's hardly an outlandish idea to suggest that someone willing to tattoo eyes on themselves might be slightly paranoid about keeping watch.

♡ 35

iiherneck OP · 2 hr. ago Humiliate??? How am I humiliating him?? And I already said that the eyes are purely decorative not functional! ♡ 22 188 more replies

doge65124 · 2 hr. ago

You are totally in denial about what a freak your boyfriend is. Your tattoo might not be functional, but you should definitely start watching your back.

♡ 43

idiots_on_parade · 1 hr. ago OP is absolutely going to end up locked away in her boyfriend's "safehouse" somewhere. ♡ 15

batemanbegins1988 · 43 min. ago

This is not fucking real. On the off-chance that it is, is he some feminist cuck who gets uncomfortable when women flirt with him and needs to buy into the narrative that women are all victims of male attention? Oh no, a woman winked at me, she must have been signalling for help!

♡ - 46

iiherneck OP · 12 min. ago Okay so according to reddit my boyfriend is a feminist cuck, a misogynist incel, a Trump supporter, an abuser, an anti-surveillance expert, and I'm abusing and emasculating him by posting this thread. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to go to this website for help. Anyway, if you really want to know, I finally got him to open up and he said he knew someone with functional eye tattoos before, and he assumed they were all like that. That's it. I hope the experts at reddit are happy now. ♡ 2

bidenbathbomb · just now

If he didn't get you were flirting with him, maybe he's gay?

♡ 0

Text: The eyes tattooed on the back of her neck only ever blink one at a time. I wonder what kind of person is that desperate, to always have something watching their back.

[zhanenova]

Just examine this Netflix Special under the title “Enter the Anime”. It though almost reminds me of that one Third-Person Shooter that was released in the multiple gaming system platform in the early 2000s, which it’s about The Matrix. Getting a little off topic and all.

It was a awesome documentary to check out. “What is Anime?” Almost been born of all my life all about it. Thanks to Pokemon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, DBZ, Inuyasha, that was aired on TV Network, etc. Plus a sibling friend of mine lend him some Anime DVD’s to him, such as Evangelion, Love Hina, Gundam Seed Destiny, etc. I’ve been familiar to Anime since. That’s a question that isn’t need to throw at me. For the one who’s new to all of it, Then it most likely there going to have Q&A Session to themselves. It is way difference compare to other type of shows, this is extortionary. Seeing some anime briefly shown like 7Seeds, Levius, That Ultraman CGI. Thanks to Enter The Anime. It force a bit to get back into the Anime Grind. Last time was January. Dang, it’s been 3 months already? I’ve been throwing anime’s that I saw and sharing my thoughts from here, it might be a long post I have ever uploaded, along with my fan fiction story. 

Last time I’ve watched Ultraman, was on this TV Network for Kids which used aired on the Saturday Morning. It’s called FoxBox. It appear around the early 2000s. Most older fans might remember it, of the time when they were at Elementary-High School. Elementary for me. That was moons ago. The show was similar to Power Rangers or Super Sentai. 

I was off the Anime grid since January, during the time from now. I was checking out the actors the portrayed the MCU (Marvel verse like The Avengers, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, to name a few) except out of the Verse. After took place from Infinity Wars. Like Tom Holland and Anthony Mackie. If you knew what happened to them in the end along with the others. Then you know. I was having this crazy idea, what if they were in the different dimension, different verse, having a long deep sleep? For example, Mackie other movie role “The Hate U Give” which was released after Infinity Wars got put out in the wild and so onward till the Endgame. Considering this is IW post or aftermath. I was intending to talk about Tom and Anthony from couple months back but somehow my mood no longer got me.. I think until now. We- I- We shall find out. 

[slimthicksonnett]

Big Bad Bruin (Tierna Davidson) 1

(re-upload wow hello first fic i ever wrote)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Prompt: R is called back to USWNT for the 2019 January training camp after a year off for healing an injury. R is a forward but is basically a little Naeher with her aggression and stoic behavior, that is until she meets someone who makes her stutter.

Anon requested Tierna with no specifics so I just kind of .. went with it? 

Word Count: 4700ish (I seriously don’t know WHY it is so long, sorry..)

Readers POV:

A year ago, an ankle injury kept me off the field and out of the January USWNT camp and the 2018 Shebelieves Cup. This year however, they’d have to physically pull me off the field if they wanted to keep me from playing. 

“Little Naeher!” A familiar voice shouted, sprinting over to me. As soon as I felt the hands on my shoulders and the weight thrown against me, I knew it was the USWNTs personal flying squirrel who was the first person to spot me.  

“Hey Kels.” I chuckled, unwrapping the defender from my body. 

“Y/N, you can’t just let me hug you once?” Kelley pouted in response from being removed from me, crossing her arms.

“I might let you hug me but flying squirrel tackling me is another story. Now stop pouting, when you look like that it’s hard to believe that Mallory is the baby and not you.” I just chuckled now as Kelley narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me.

“Actually Tierna is the baby now, Mal has got a few month’s on her. It’s nice to have you back kiddo.” The newest person to spot my appearance was Alyssa who gave me a signature side hug and ruffled my hair. Immediately my hand went up to flatten out my hair and I gave the keeper a little side glare, causing a rare full laugh from her. Hair taken care of, my attention switched to Naeher’s words.

“I forgot about Davidson.” I muttered, thinking about the young defender who had made her first cap after my ankle injury.

“Oh yeah, you get to play with T for the first time ever. She’s a peach!”

“A peach, O’hara? That is the most Georgia thing I’ve ever heard you say. Now come on, it’s time to get on the field! Oh and hey Y/N, glad you’re back.” Carli ushered us forward, clearly itching to start the 11v11 game we’d been working towards all practice. I inclined my head towards her in thanks before jogging onto the pitch. Kelley grinned wide as a Cheshire cat when captain tossed her the penny and I smirked in return, playing against Kelley was sure to be one hell of a way to get back in the swing of the USWNT.

—-Third Person—- 

Y/N was electric on the field and Tierna couldn’t keep her eyes off of her. Even paired with the vets, the twenty two year old was a powerful force. Her ball control and speed was clearly a force to be reckoned with, playing some sort of zipper game with Christen as they raced around the field. Tierna held her breath watching as the forward engaged with Kelley, the two small girls locked in a tense battle for the ball as their teammates gave them a large breadth.

“Conflicted on who to cheer for over there, Baby T?” Tierna nearly jumped out of her skin when Moe popped up beside her. The jump and the startled look on the Stanford players face sent Moe into a fit of laughter, earning a light slap from the younger girl. 

“You scared the heck out of me! Also, yes actually. I mean I almost always cheer for Kelley because wel-”

“She’s your role model? Yes, we know.” Moe cut her off, waving a hand dismissively. 

“Yes, exactly. Seeing Y/N out there against her though, she’s incredible.” Tiernas focus was completely back on the field, watching as AD tentatively went to Kelley’s aid.

“Oh definitely, I think we all forget that you two have never played together.” Moe was of course referencing the recent soccer year where Tierna had made her first cap while Y/N was out on an ankle injury, thus keeping the two girls from playing together.

“Is she always so aggressive?” Tierna asked, watching as Y/N found her way out of the trap the two defenders had placed her in. With a quick move around Kelley, the forward was back on her feet and moving quickly towards Naeher. The two players’ facial expressions seemed to mirror one another as the young girl slid past Becky, managing to get the ball to Press who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. 

“Absolutely, it’s scary to be on the other side of for sure. We don’t call her little Naeher for nothing, their mannerism is one and the same.” Moe informed Tierna who was, of course, still entranced by the game. When the ball managed to slip past Naeher’s glove, even Tierna found herself on her feet cheering. The stop in play led to a water break and the water break led to substitutions.  

That is how Tierna found herself in her current situation. The Stanford player had taken Kelley’s place at center back and was now staring at the side of Y/N’s head as she stood reading the field. From here, Tierna could see the depth of concentration in the forwards eyes and it chilled her to the bone. 

When a strong kick from Carli sent the ball flying past Julie, both of the girls kicked into gear. Tierna quickly darted forward, her chest nearly colliding with Y/N’s shoulder as she raced towards the ball. Seeing the opportunity, Tierna burst upward. Sadly, Y/N saw the opening and the small girl threw herself into the air. Moments later, the ball was forgotten about and both girls had fallen to the grass. The girls heights had played against them as smaller Y/N’s forehead collided with the side of 5’10 Tierna’s jaw. 

“Holy shit, are you kiddin-” Y/N had pulled herself to her feet, cursing internally and a little externally. She was about five seconds from chewing her teammate out for the misplaced header until her eyes locked with a pair of unfamiliar, shockingly stormy eyes. Still on the ground, Tierna blinked up at the older player, her mouth hanging open as if she had something to say but with nothing coming out.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. That was so sloppy on my part, you had a clean jump.” The apology, and the curse word, came tumbling out of Y/N’s mouth before she could stop it. Underneath her the freckled defender blushed a bright red, at the apology or the position she wasn’t sure. Before she could accept the forward’s extended hand, a loud gasp was heard and a wide eyed Julie came storming across the field.

“Uh-oh…” Tierna whispered as a wide eyed Y/N was brought face to face with the blonde midfielder.  

“I know you did not just hurt the baby and then CURSE at her!” Julie’s hand was wrapped tight around the collar of Y/N’s royal blue practice jersey, putting the two girls’ chest nearly touching. However this didn’t last for long as the girl seemed to regain the composure she had lost after colliding with Tierna. Bringing a strong hand up, Y/N removed Julie’s fist from her jersey but she didn’t step away. In fact, Tierna gulped from her spot on the ground as Y/N stepped even closer to Julie so that their noses were almost touching.

“Firstly, I didn’t curse at her, I cursed in general. Secondly, she’s twenty, Julie Beth, I think she can handle me saying fuck.” Julie’s eyes were wide as saucers as her friend and teammate stared her down, not blinking once. Seeing the aggressive energy Moe had mentioned earlier first hand sent chills through Tierna’s body. There was something about watching the older girl treat her as something other than the team’s baby that made her heart feel like it was going to beat out of her chest. The sounds of cleats on the ground separated Julie and Y/N, the former almost shaking like a leaf. 

“Damn Y/N/N, you’re back for barely two hours and you hurt one teammate and accidentally scare the fu- heck, scare the heck out of the other.” Dunny laughed, slinging an arm around Julie’s shoulder who had now calmed down and was pouting. Crystal’s words made Y/N spin on her heels though, her bright eyes focusing on Tierna who was still in the grass.

“You’re not hurt are you? I didn’t hurt you right?” Her eyes continued to scan Tierna up and down, eyes raking over her body and making Tierna blush even brighter. 

“N-no, I’m uh, I’m fine. Just gonna have a little bruise.” Y/N had reached her hand out again and this time Tierna took it, clumsily stumbling to her feet and making Y/N giggle a little as she tried to find her footing. The interaction was not missed by the teammates closest to them as Lindsey immediately turned to Rose with wide eyes. 

“Did Y/N/N just giggle? Did I hear that right?” Lindsey whispered and Rose nodded her head up and down so quickly that she looked like a bobble head. Naeher also noticed it from the goal and threw her ‘mini me’ a confused look. Y/N, realizing her slip up, coughed and looked at the ground as she shuffled her feet, fighting a blush.

“See, she’s fine. Can we please get back to the game? I really wanna get back to beating Julie’s ass.” Her spunk and sass was back as quickly as it left and with wide eyes, Julie broke into a grin as the girls set back out onto the field. Tierna jogged to her spot, shaking her head to try and clear the thought of the muscular forward standing over her out of her head.

————

That night, the girls were settled in Kelley and Sonnett’s room. Why was it that Jill decided it was a good idea to room Frat Daddy and Frat Daddy Jr. together? The team may never know. However, it certainly made a good spot to do team bonding.

Ashlyn and Ali had launched into a Krashlyn level argument about dog names, receiving input from Rose of course since dogs were the topic of conversation. Lindsey and Mal were telling some sort of very animated story to the rest of the team who were all watching in either interest or confusion. And, as per usual, Y/N was late.

“Guys?” Tierna finally asked after Mal had finished her tangent, gaining the attention of her teammates.

“What’s up kiddo?” Kelley asked, throwing her arm around the shoulder of the team’s baby.

“Why isn’t Y/N here?” Rose suddenly wasn’t focused on the topic of dogs, Lindsey stopped telling her story, and Alyssa’s attention strayed from her phone.

“Oh, you can always count on her to be late.” Alex laughed from the other side of Kelley and the rest of the team laughed or agreed. Tobin explained that that’s why they hadn’t actually started team bonding yet because well, it wasn’t bonding if the whole team wasn’t there.

“Why are you so worried about her being late?” Mal asked in typical nosey Mal fashion. Tierna’s eyes went wide and her face flushed as she opened and closed her mouth.

“Nothing, no reason, just wondering.” The words stumbled out of her mouth and she knew full and well that none of her teammates believed her. 

“Wait a minute, baby T, you don’t have a cr-”

“NO!” Immediately, Tierna cut off Casey, not letting the woman finish her sentence. Most of the team awe’d and Tierna mentally cursed herself for even asking in the first place. 

“Awww baby Stanford has a crush on our big bad Bruin.” Kelley cooed, pinching at Tierna’s cheek who slapped her hand away. The slap wasn’t playful though, it connected with a solid whack and the team grew dead silent. Kelley stared at her hand in shock and Tierna started to stutter out an apology when the hotel door opened.

“I know y’all are used to me being late so what’s up los- why are y’all silent?” Y/N looked around the hotel room in confusion, all eyes still on Tierna.

“Tierna?” Y/N questioned gently, very confused by the situation she had walked into. Suddenly, Tierna was on her feet and brushing past Y/N, heading out the door. She watched the tall girl flee the room, face bright red. The gentle expression Y/N had watched Tierna with was gone now as she turned on her teammates with fire in her eyes.

“What the hell did y’all do.” She hissed, her eyes scanning the guilty faces. Ultimately, they landed on Kelley who couldn’t even meet her eyes. 

“We were just joking with her Y/N, she wa-” 

“No, I don’t care. Clearly Tierna didn’t think whatever you were talking about was funny. Did you all not see how hurt she looked?”  Stalking over to Rose, she held out her hand which Rose timidly placed her hotel room key into. Turning on her heels, Y/N headed out of the room to go talk to the team’s youngest player.

When the door slammed behind her, the team let out a collective breath that most of them hadn’t even noticed they were holding.

“Holy shit.” Casey said, eyes locked on the door. Most of the girls muttered something similar or some form of agreement. 

“I have never seen her get so defensive.” Kelley said, gaining her teammates attention. “I mean, we’ve all seen her get angry before because it happens all the time like on the field today but that, that was defensive.”

“Lyssa, what was that?” Mal directed the teams attention towards Y/N’s self declared mentor who was staring off deep in thought as she often was.

“I don’t know.” Naeher admitted, clearly still partially stuck in thought. “I mean the only time I’ve ever seen her get this defensive was over Fleming that one time when Pugh said something about Canad-”

“Wait.” Mallory cut off Naeher, a terrible thing to do in most situations but tonight was proving not to be a normal night for the USWNT. “Fleming. Like, Jessie Flemming? That was who she got defensive over?” 

“Yeah, why?” Alyssa questioned, tilting her head to the side like a puppy. Matter of fact, most of the team looked like that at the moment. 

“Oh shit!” Jane gasped, connecting the dots. The team turned towards the bleach blonde goalie who was sitting with her hand slapped over her mouth. “That’s who she was talking about after that friendly with Canada.” 

“What? She was talking about a girl?” Pinoe was now intrigued, confused as to why their assumedly straight teammate was talking about Flemming.

“Oh my god, do we have to spell it out for you? I thought the gays were supposed to be able to sense each other or something.” Mal was met with a pillow to the face from Kelley and a few pointed looks from some of her teammates.

“I’m just saying,” Jane started, ignoring Mal’s comment, “that the last person that Y/N got defensive over was Jessie Flemming, aka the Canadian player that she had a huge crush on.

“A crush on?!” Kelley screeched, nearly flying from the couch. Krashlyn were both staring wide eyed, Preath both had their jaws nearly on the floor, and Pinoe was a combination of everyone else.

“Y/N is gay?” Ali finally asked. The younger girls were looking at the vets like they were idiots seeing how the forwards sexuality wasn’t something she hid.

“Wait, bro, no, wait.” Sonnet was the one connecting the dots now, which of course meant everyone else must have been really slow for Emily to beat them to the punch. “She got defensive over Flemming because she had a crush on her and now she just got crazy defensive over Baby T.”

“Holy shit, Y/N has a thing for Tierna.”

——

After a brief moment of trying to find the right room, Y/N raised her fist and knocked on Tierna’s hotel room door. 

“Go away Kelley, I don’t want to talk about it.” The reply was muffled but clear and made Y/N’s face drop a little. She wasn’t sure whether to be amused that Tierna thought that it would be Kelley of all people coming to check on her or upset that she didn’t think it would be her. Though, it is probably fair she didn’t think it would be her as the two girls had only met officially for the first time today. Of course, Y/N knew Tierna. A player like her was hard to forget and after the UCLA loss to Stanford, Tierna’s face was burned into her memory. However, she wasn’t sure she was complaining. 

Knocking once more, she put in the key card and unlocked the door. Pushing it open slowly, she stepped into the room while narrowly dodging a pillow thrown at her head.

“Kels, I said I don’t want to talk about it or her or any- oh shit.” Tierna’s eyes went wide when she saw Y/N standing infront of her and not the other little defender she had been expecting. The older girl on the other hand let out a full laugh.

“I’m sorry.” Tierna muttered, suddenly very interested in picking at her fingernails.

“No, no, it’s fine. I just, I don’t think that was a very Baby T appropriate word.” Y/N giggled and Tierna felt all the blood rush to her face. The older girls laugh was light and airy and it certainly didn’t help an embarrassed Tiernas beating heart. 

“God, please don’t tell Julie.” Tierna buried her face in her hands as Y/N made her way into the room. 

“I won’t, she’d probably say it’s my fault for being a bad influence.” When Tierna risked a glance up, there was a mischievous sparkle in Y/Ns eye that paired too well with the smirk on her face. “Can I sit?” She asked, motioning to the bed beside Tierna and she simply nodded in response, still not really trusting her voice. 

“So,” Y/N started, flopping down onto the bed beside Tierna, laying on her back and staring at the white ceiling. “What’s wrong?” Tierna sighed and flopped backwards too, mimicking the other girl’s position.

“Nothing, the girls were just bullying me.” She admitted, staring off into the distance. 

“About?” Panic set in for Tierna when Y/N asked the question. How was she supposed to even respond to that?

“Um, nothing important.” It was a blatant lie and clearly Y/N thought so too as she rolled to her side and propped her head up on her hand, staring at the side of Tierna’s face.

“I think you’re lying.” 

“You do?”

“I do. You mentioned a ‘her’ when I walked into the room so something tells me that there is something or well, someone, very important taking up space in that big ol brain of yours.” Y/N said, reaching out and lightly flicking the side of the defenders head. Tierna furrowed her eyebrows and turned onto her side so she was facing Y/N now as well. 

“Big ol brain, huh?” 

“Don’t change the subject, tell me about this mysterious her.” Y/N was dead set on finding out about this mystery girl in Tierna’s life because frankly she was worried that this girl was going to ruin any chance she had with the forward before she even got to try.

“You’re not letting this go are you?” Tierna pouted and Y/N flashed her a signature smirk.

“Nope.”

“Um, fine.” Tierna racked her brain, trying to think of how to say what she wanted to say without exposing herself. “I mean, she isn’t really anyone to me.” 

“She isn’t? So like, no girlfriend problems or anything?” The younger girl flushed bright red at the word girlfriend. By no means did she hide her sexuality but she certainly didn’t expect to be somewhat called out on it. 

“Um, no, not girlfriend problems. I don’t have a girlfriend.” Something about her admitting that made Y/N smile, though she tried to conceal it for the sake of the other girl.

“So, a crush?” 

“I guess you could call it that.” Tierna admitted. Y/N furrowed her brows a little but unlike when she had furrowed them and yelled at Julie earlier, there was no anger on her face, just confusion. The look was enough to somehow prompt more words to come fumbling out of the klutzy girls mouth.

“I mean I don’t know if I can call it a crush? It’s just, I don’t know her super well. We only met recently but she seems super cool and she is just like, gorgeous I guess.” Y/N smiled and nodded her head in understanding as Tierna explained the situation.

“I get that, I’ve been there before actually.” The admittance seemed to get Tiernas interest but Y/N didn’t want to be the topic of conversation at the moment. 

“Really?” 

“Yes really, with an old teammate actually but we don’t need to talk about me right now. What is this crush of yours like? Does she play soccer or did you meet her at Stanford or what? Would I know her?” Y/N fired off questions and Tierna looked for a path out, desperately needing a way to navigate this war path. However her mind was stuck on what Y/N had said about the crush she had on an old teammate. An old teammate meaning someone she played soccer with. Meaning a woman. Oh thank god.

“Um, yeah you’d know her so that’s why I would rather not say who it is but yeah she plays soccer.” Tierna figured there was no harm in admitting a little bit and she could watch as the gears in the other girls head seemed to visibly turn as she tried to figure out who it was. 

“Who does she play for?” 

“Um…” Not being able to find an answer she stuttered and Tierna could see her make the connection.

“Oh my God, it’s a teammate!” Y/N exclaimed, her eyes lightning up. She prayed that outwardly she was putting on a good show but internally she was cursing the idea of Tierna thinking about one of the other girls. Was it Mal? Sonnett? 

“Yeah but like please don’t freak out over it, it’s not a big deal and I’m not going to do anything about it and-” Reaching out and putting a finger to Tierna’s lips, she effectively shushed her rambling. Once again the freckles that covered her face were now placed onto a bright red background and as Y/N pulled away her finger she tried to ignore the softness she felt against it.

“Sorry, you were rambling. Why won’t you do anything about it?” She questioned, not understanding why the gorgeous girl in front of her wouldn’t go after the person she liked without a reason. “I mean unless she’s straight or lik- Wait! Shit, she isn’t married or something is she? I mean I wont judge but babe that’s a whole other situation…” Y/N trailed off as she saw Tierna’s eyes grow wide and the blush that had been on her cheeks consumed her entire face and neck.

“No! No. God, no. She isn’t married. I don’t even think she’s in a relationship but I don’t really know.” Y/N breathed a sigh of relief and for the first time, Tierna laughed, and when Y/N heard it she decided she had found her new favorite sound.

“Then why not do anything about it?”  

“I don’t think she’d like me back.” Tierna had turned her focus to her fingernails at this point, picking at her cuticles to the point that they would almost certainly bleed later.

“Then she’s stupid.” With three words, Y/N effectively captured Tierna’s entire attention.

“What did you say?” She asked, now looking up with big bright eyes at the other girl.

“I said if she doesn’t like you back, then she’s stupid.” Being met with silence, Y/N decided to continue. “I mean come on, you’re a fucking superstar. You have the prettiest freckles and your eyes are so stunning they even rival Christens. Looks aside, if she’s a soccer player then I don’t know how she isn’t falling for you simply because of your skills.” The spheil was much more emotional than Y/N normally got and she glanced down at the younger girl who was staring at her with watery eyes.

“Hey, no. Don’t do that! No crying, come here.” Turning onto her back, she scooted up against the headboard and pulled Tierna into her chest. The defender tensed at the sudden touch but she didn’t pull away. Matter of fact, she nuzzled her head into the crook of the other girl’s neck and tried to blink away her tears.

“That was, that was really nice.” Tierna whispered. Above her, Y/N smiled. With precise movements she pulled the hair tie out of Tiernas hair and let her brown waves fall out to frame her face. Gently, Y/N began to run her fingers through the girls hair slowly.

“It’s just the truth Tierna, you’re an amazing person and an incredible player.” Her voice was at hardly a whisper now, not wanting to be loud right in the girls ear.

“You’ve hardly seen my play.” Tierna mumbled into Y/N’s neck and the older girl shivered at the vibrations it sent up her body, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by a slightly shocked Tierna. 

“That’s actually not true. I’ve actually played against you before.” Lifting her head up slightly in surprise, the Stanford player looked up into the other girls eyes.

“There’s no way, I would have remembered that.” There was no way that Tierna could ever have forgotten a face like Y/N’s.

“I was a little different back then. It was the D1 Women’s Soccer Championship in 2017, it would’ve been your sophomore year. You little fuckers beat us by one goal and Kelley and Christen will never let me live it down. I’m not surprised you don’t remember, I know that was a crazy year for you.” Tierna was immediately running through memories of that game, lots of which were blurred due to the results of the afterparties with her teammates on campus. Until it hit her, the same way she had hit Y/N.

“Oh my God, I remember. I hit you with the slide tackle that cost you that first goal right before you came back and assisted Fleming on her goal. I completely forgot that you even play for UCLA!” Y/N’s eyes lit up that Tierna remembered the slide tackle and her assist.

“That’s right, I even have a little scar somewhere that proves that it was absolutely not a clean tackle no matter what that damn ref said or the people that named you the Pac-12 defender of the year.” She grumbled the last part but of course Tierna heard she was laying on her chest. They were quiet for a moment and then they both erupted into laughter. 

“So see, I do know that you’re an amazing player. And I’m starting to learn that you’re a pretty amazing person too, any girl would be lucky to have you.” Y/N said softly, continuing to curl pieces of Tiernas hair around her fingers as she brushed through it gently.

“Any girl?”

“Any girl.” 

And so they laid like that, only moving so that they could pull the blankets up over them at one point when Y/N started to get goosebumps and Tierna insisted she cover up. What Tierna didn’t realize was that the girls goosebumps weren’t caused by the cold. In the silence, both girls’ eyelids grew heavy and they started to drift slowly off the sleep. Before they could get there though, the young Stanford player whispered softly.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Tierna?”

“I don’t see why you act so tough with the other girls.”

“I have a reputation to keep, love.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think you’re some big bad Bruin like they do.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope,” The younger girl cuddled in closer and Y/N smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “I just think you’re a big ol baby bear.” Tierna yawned.

“Maybe I am.” What Y/N didn’t add after that was - for you.

With that, the girls fell fast asleep, completely forgetting their teammates who were still sitting anxiously rooms away.

----

Y'all remember in 2020 when Tierna was healthy and living her best life and I wrote this? Yeah me too. Missing that!!!!!