#so tired of this same shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Agreed!! I’m seeing so much of the same discourse as the reylo era, I keep joking that ghoulcy is the new reylo lmao. Some people just wanna get a little freaky with the bad guy, and that’s ok by me lol. Same as my once upon a time reylo era, it’s no personal or malicious hate for Finn or his actor John Boyega, or in this instance Max and his lovely actor Aaron. I’m sure those bad apples exist, I definitely have seen it in //that// side of the fallout fans who are conservative racist whack jobs. But in terms of shipping, I’ve yet to see any semblance of racist hate towards Max/Aaron when it comes to the little ghoulcy fandom. Applying real world moral standards to ships is already annoying, but then to project that an entire sect of fans are racists for liking a different dynamic in a fictional show? Never understood that one bit. If vaultknight is your OTP, that’s awesome!! And it’s currently canon! But if not, ship and let ship 👍🏻
Seeing discourse about Lucy and the Ghoul in Fallout and how shipping them is wrong because it sidelines Maximus and I am sooo confused.
Like, is it just me or is it extremely common for people root for a hero/bad guy romance or just not go for the pairing that gets together early on in a series, regardless of race? I have spent time in a lot of fandom spaces and the enemies to lovers dynamics are almost always the most popular.
I understand that there are definitely people that are racist toward Aaron Moten and Maximus, and that some of that reflects racism in other fandoms (reylo), but the ghoulcy phenomenon is not at all shocking when you consider how many people were brought up on Beauty and the Beast.
Sometimes people are just kinda freaky and that’s okay!
Also, Maximus as a character has so much potential aside from his romance with Lucy! I think they are very cute, but I also think it will be important in both of their storylines that they break away from the fantasy they find in each other in s1.
82 notes
·
View notes
Text
Digital offering for Hermes, Great God of Thieves, Travelers, and Merchants.
#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic deities#hermes deity#hermes devotee#hellenic worship#hellenic gods#digital offering#online offering#offerings#I’m so tired but I gotta offer Lord Herms something#Definitely gonna give him proper libations tomorrow but today was a shit show of great proportions#And yes I know I used the same images give me a little slack im half asleep
472 notes
·
View notes
Text
NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
456 notes
·
View notes
Text
i drew something last night hooray
#sth#sonic the hedgehog#uhhhh do i gotta tag all these mooks#meta sonic#blaze the car#car?#tf#blaze the cat#pseudo sonic#chip the light gaia#kitsunami the fennec#espio the chameleon#barry the quokka#im so tired school picked up and p3 reload dropped at the same time#no drawing left in me after that shit#dunkinsart
551 notes
·
View notes
Text
ark aftermath
#being in the ark with knives who had gathered such immense power definitely fucked with vash's brain#their fight before the ark haunts me. what do you mean 'blackness of decay' jesus christ#it reminds me of 'youve got more of them...scars'#knives seeing that his brother is actively like. dying.#also what do u mean knives tried to merge with him. that definitely took a toll on both of them#anyway so vash has vivid hallucinations of his brother and whatnot#wolfwood hates himself for that obviously#just imagine the horror he would experience if vash called him 'knives'#vash literally spitting blood because 1) anxiety 2) hes so fucking tired and tortured and shit#he wants a break guys give him a break#but ooobviously vash (the man he is) he'll never accuse wolfwood of trapping him in the ark. of betraying him etc#so he'll just be happy to be there alive and relatively well and hope the same for his brother#at least for the time being before vash meets him and kills him#this is the longest comic ive made sorry if it feels a bit rushed/not well concluding#best i can do#its been kicking my ass for the past week and i just wanted to be done w it#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun maximum#trigun fanart#my art#millions knives#<- for a fragment of a second#what else#tw hallucinations#tw blood#tw emetophobia
333 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not getting into The Giving Tree discourse...
#personal#delete later#idk i just saw a post of the “alternate ending” comic on my dash and everyone praising it as an improvement and “fixing” the original#which i kinda resent#while tulli and i was taking my nephew to a book store we walked around the kids section and found the giving tree and we read through it#and i was so stricken by how profoundly sad it is. it's not a happy story#in the end both versions tell the exact same lesson. but one flat out tells you and the other makes you sit with a pit in your stomach#and work to find the answer#i dunno it's kids literature but kids literature is important. i don't wanna discredit anyone's bad memories with the book but also i think#sometimes it's ok to make kids a bit sad and upset with fiction.#tweet that goes “what if romeo and juliet didn't kill themselves and explained to the audience that family feuds are bad”#idk you can't seriously read the original book as an adult and say it's glorifying self-martyrdom#when the final drawing of the book is of an old tired man sitting on arotting stump with his hat fallen to the ground#again i don't wanna invalidate people's feelings if they enjoy the alt version i think it's really nice too. but the original has its#purpose too. imagine if at the end of the lorax they show that the boy did it and replanted the world happy ending#wait they did that in the movie shit#i dunno i just love somber children's literature. tulli and i are talking about moomin right now and how the series ends with the moomin#family just leaving. and nobody gets to say goodbye to them. their friends have to find ways to live with the emptiness they've left behin
255 notes
·
View notes
Text
The sensation of waking up next to you ❤️💙
+bonus doodle:
…and they mimir’d happily ever after the end. ❤️
(ID under cut!)
Miles is roused from sleep by sunlight shining on his face. Slowly, his eyes adjust to the light, until finally, his scope of awareness broadens to a body he had been sleeping on.
Page 2
Miles looks up to the figure that holds him, and upon seeing, his eyes widen in recognition.
Miles looks up to the figure that holds him, and upon seeing, his eyes widen in recognition.
The bottom panel of the page shows minimal details of a window shedding light onto the bed and blankets as seen from a higher view in the room.
Page 3
On the other side of the bed, Phoenix rests, his head propped by the headboard. His hair is messy from sleep, and his expression is thoughtful. The light of the morning highlights his features.
The sun shines through the blinds of the window.
Phoenix finally notices his observer, and turns to look at him.
Page 4
Phoenix takes Miles’ hand in his, and lifts it to gently kiss the ring on Miles’ finger. They both move to share a kiss, and their hands shift to hold one another. Miles’ ring sparkles in the sunlight.
Page 5
They link their fingers as they kiss, and the morning creates a quiet atmosphere around them.
They part, but remain close, their fingers fully interlocked. Phoenix greets “Good morning,” with a tender, loving expression as he looks at Miles. Miles’ own expression is soft, unguarded, and fixed on Phoenix.
Page 6
Phoenix and Miles settle back into their shared bed; the morning sun illuminates them. They both smile softly, seeming happy and at peace. Miles rests his head under Phoenix’s neck, and his hand on Phoenix’s chest. One of Phoenix’s hands rests over Miles’ own on his chest, while his other hand holds Miles closer, revealing a matching ring of his own. Both rings shine softly in the sunlight.
Bonus image
A small simple drawing of Phoenix and Miles having fallen asleep again while holding each other as in the final page of the comic.
End ID.]
#narumitsu#wrightworth#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#ace attorney#this is so sappy i nearly choked the entire time i was drawing it#aa#fan art#smooches#ah yes my favorite tag <3#rendevok#this is vaguely set post AA5 but i truly have no timeline in mind i just want them married#like ding DONG bitches get ur shit together aren’t u tired of pining??? it’s time to go apeshitt and furiously makeout#i’m going to start mashing them together like dolls i dont care anymore!!!#NRMTS KISS RIGHT NOW OR IM BITING BOTH OF YOU#(a win win situation for me)#anyway if you can’t tell i am deeply in love with phoenix and projecting onto miles so hard#who doesn’t love making him down horrendous for a little flavor?#image description and alt text are the same because i suck at those still#writing that out was deeply embarrassing for me bc for whatever reason writing it out is something WAY more visceral than drawing it#i wish to evaporate nobody look at me unless you want to talk about them kissiing more then my dms are open
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
I wonder how many of Tommy haters ever experienced racism. My guess is a very small part of them because let me tell you one thing: you don't spend after work time with your racist coworker on your own. EVER. You don't share stories and jokes with them. EVER. You know the mental cost of spending time with a racist when you're a poc? No you don't. And you think Hen and Chim would choose to spend their free time with a racist instead of anyone else? Instead of going home? No one forced them, and there's no one else. They decided to have drinks together because Tommy changed and they want to support change.
You can call out his past behavior, absolutely, and I did it myself because it needs to be done. You know what needs to be done too? Acknowledge positive change. It's crucial to see and support change. Change is what makes the world better, little by little. But you wouldn't know if you're not a poc, right? How does it feel to be a white knight trying to get some "good ally" points from the poc you use for you hate campaign? All that for a fucking ship? Is it worth it? Do you have your ship canon now?
But please, educate me on racism and how Hen and Chim acted in S2, apparently forced (by who?) to spend their free time with Tommy.
#bucktommy#tommy kinard#i chose violence on this sunday morning#i'm tired of seeing the same shitty takes from bobs#most of them enjoy their daily privileges and then come shit on us like that?#and sure there are poc who don't like tommy#i hope they see how change is the key#if you deny people the ability to change#we ALL lose#accountability and change can and have to coexist#and i know it's a fucking game for so many of bobs and buddies#they spend their time trying to find new reasons to hate tommy and BT for a fucking ship#it's not even that deep and it makes it worse#because they use real life issues and turn them into fandom bullshit
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Killua and the Power of Wishes
Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.
As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.
One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.
Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.
Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.
Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.
To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.
I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.
Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.
What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.
[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]
This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.
When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.
Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.
[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]
It's such an innocent, simple want.
And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.
In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:
Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."
Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)
Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."
And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!
So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.
10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.
Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.
It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.
Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).
"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"
The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.
Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?
Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.
[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]
Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.
And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.
This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.
It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.
[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]
I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.
However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.
Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.
[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]
I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.
But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.
Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.
[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]
Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?
Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.
[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]
Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".
I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.
...holy shit, kid.
[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]
And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(
What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.
In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.
Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.
[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]
Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.
Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.
They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:
As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course
Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo
I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.
Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.
The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.
So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.
Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.
It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.
Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.
Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.
[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]
Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.
Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.
Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.
And Alluka tears into him for it.
[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]
You tell him, girl.
Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?
"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.
Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.
And neither should Killua.
[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]
It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.
Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.
And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...
[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]
...she doesn't even have to think about it.
I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.
#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭#ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl#but i'm so tired lmao#anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck#killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever#this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them#nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world#ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week#hunter x hunter#hxh#hxh meta#killua zoldyck#call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles#also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh#he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've#done the same lmaoooo#it's very sweet though :')#argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.
233 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yeah short skirts and crop tops are sexy— but there’s just something about a man that finds you so attractive wearing clothes that shouldn’t be considered typically sexual. Like baggy sweats or his old, worn shirt.
Those plain, boring outfits that aren’t planned and are just thrown together for comfort and practicality that have his dick throbbing for you as he imagines bending you over the nearest surface.
#there’s always fics where reader is wearing such sexy clothes and that’s what gets the guy going#but somehow I feel like seeing you dressed down would have the same effect#or like he sees you wearing his top or hoodie and he’s instantly feeling possessive (even if you aren’t dating!!!)#like ‘oh I just got cold so I borrowed your hoodie sorry’ except now he’s smirking at everyone else in the room because you chose HIS shit#or like imagine you’ve just become a mum and you’re feeling the unsexiest you’ve ever felt after childbirth#you’re tired you haven’t done makeup in weeks and you can’t even imagine doing any kind of self-care#wearing one of your man’s old shirts that you’re certain has baby sick or milk on it#and somehow your man thinks you’ve never looked prettier as he’s got his hands all over you while you try to cook breakfast or do laundry#OR OR OR !!!!!!!!!!#he sees you in his colours or wearing his logo or something on a plain tee and he’s ready to lose his mind
272 notes
·
View notes
Text
y'all remember when book fairs used to have those "banned books" display sections that advertised books based on that fact that they had been banned in schools in the past and everyone went "haha wow, it's crazy that they banned books like this! what a wacky thing to do!" haha........ yeah....... who would even do that......
#damien.txt#honestly i would prefer to go back to ppl using it as a marketing strategy than it just. happening! in my state!#i'm so tired fr morality wars make me want to curl up in a ball & choke#yeah sure the books are indoctrinating your child. the exact same way YOU. the parent. are indoctrinating them.#sorry it's from a different viewpoint i forgot that we're all trying for a homogenized society here. land of the free and all that.#just generally speaking the shit that is getting passed in my state.... truly beyond belief.#shoutout to the diversity programs that are fully just. getting defunded! by state law! how haha funny of them.#please get me out of here i'm desperate#us politics#politics
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
One thing that's starting to really get to me with the James Somerton stuff is a real strong undercurrent of disdain toward his fans. And yeah, I was one of them. A good scam artist isn't as easy to spot as y'all seem to think. You forget that you have all the information right now. Two days ago most of you had never heard of him and it would have kept going. Anyone can fall for a scam, nobody is immune. I would love to have had whatever resources you guys think we all should magically know about so I could have kept my sad $5 a month I really needed but thought was going to something worthwhile. Some of us can only devote so much energy into things and when you have no idea whatsoever that something is amiss of course you're not going to go digging for sources, why would you when everything is fine as far as you know? I really wish I could have seen the dissenting opinions on him but for many, many reasons that aren't just that the dissenting voices weren't widely circulating at the time all I had was the thought every now and again that "huh that doesn't seem right" and then go on with my day. And I think that happened to a lot of us. So yeah. Say what you gotta say about Somerton, he has more than earned it with the damage he's caused, but maybe don't shit so hard on his former fans because that is going to be you someday with something, it happens to everyone sooner or later.
#james somerton#hbomberguy#todd in the shadows#I really am greatful for Harris and Todd's hard work in exposing all of this#and I am glad I get to see the real voices I did like that james was stealing#I'm just tired of all these people jumping on the drama train taking a dump on folks who are also victims of these crimes#razz rambles#this whole situation is upsetting me in the weirdest ways#I'm distraught but I'm not at the same time#and yet it's 6am and I can't stop reading through the tags and seeing the takes I missed#vaspider's essay and remarks from an AIDS pandemic survivor are especially good#I lived through that shit too but had no idea I was living through it#cuz that's what being blind and impoverished in rural community was like#queer wasn't even something I knew I could be until like 2010#so it's nice to see my own history#it's not just the young queers who have little to no knowledge of our history
369 notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone in the Lukola fandom spiraling once again (which i only know because as a fan of Luke Newton, I go to his tag and y'all spam the SHIT OUT OF IT) and here I am to say that THIS is why you don't get too involved in your delusions and speculations. The Lukola fandom LOVES to claim that it's all fun and games and just theories. . .until those theories are disproved. and then they turn into a raging hate machine that digs themselves in the dirt of their echo chamber with their fingers in their ears and their hands over their eyes.
putting aside the horrific misogyny his girlfriend has gotten, the very idea that y'all will 'stop shipping when they announce they're with someone else' is ridiculous. they have BEEN saying it, but without words. y'all just don't want to hear it. listen to me closely, if someone doesn't 'claim' you on social media, but you KNOW they've been harassed and stalked and bullied and smack dab in the public eye, but they take you on all their trips and meet your family and hang out with you and introduce you to their friends? you've BEEN 'claimed'. just not to cruel hearted fans, but to those who matter. it's clear to me that Luke is doing what he can to keep his girlfriend from being attacked by a wide audience on social media, and no he's not going to come out publicly with it because he has *learned his lesson*. he has had several public relationships fall to tatters and has had previous partners harassed, even on her work instagram, so one day y'all will have to swallow the pill.
nicola is not pregnant with luke's child (this shit was disrespectful to claim in the first place). her and luke are not married or living together. they are not dating. they are in a relationship with other people, and are yes, friends, but more importantly, coworkers. their financial lives are very much tied into upholding a fantasy for people. so on top of not wanting to expose their partners to the absolutely bananas fandom, they are financially motivated to be amicable about Lukola's disrespectful theories. especially Luke, who was, as he claimed openly, broke and looking for a job as he couchsurfed and part time bartended prior to Bridgerton to make ends meet. he's not letting go of the consistency of a yearly gig or the opportunities it brings. selling the costar love story fantasy is a common pr tactic, so of course they're going to be invested in selling the fantasy people fell for. hence bringing one another up in 'romantic hints' in interviews. they are just doing their job. which is acting. not LYING as some of y'all love to clutch your pearls about when you feel they have 'deceived you'
Luke's entire Sexiest Man Alive interview was very purposefully distanced from him as a person. It's clear in his mind that this was a character he was putting on- he does not feel comfortable describing himself as a heartthrob as he has said outright, and his answers in the This or That portion are clearly from Colin's perspective. It is COLIN'S time to shine and be desirable in this way, not Luke's. Which is what Nicola likely means when she says Luke has no ego in it. but there's something very important to put in place here:
Luke is not Colin. He is an actor playing a character. But y'all TREAT HIM like he's Colin. You treat him like he's fictional. Not a real person. And you do the same to Nicola. They are not Polin. They are not their characters. They are real actual human beings you will never personally know.
this man has been STALKED. someone moved across the ocean to the UK to peek into the windows of his home to determine if he was still living there and with a girlfriend. thank god he'd moved prior to that because the trauma of that is horrific. y'all have turned him and nicola into characters you can speculate about instead of creatives whose personas you enjoy.
you. do. not. know. these. people.
they are strangers. please keep that in mind when y'all hop on this parasocial bullshit. stop convincing yourselves that your 'delulu' and speculation is real. and yes, you do that because if you didn't think it was real, you wouldn't get mad when it turns out to be false.
treat the creatives you claim to support with respect. and accept the reality of things.
or at the very least get out of their tags and keep your echo chamber's door shut
#luke newton#nicola coughlan#lukola#polin#sorry i'm popping off about this AGAIN but i am so tired of this shit#'THIS EVIL WOMAN SHOWED US SHE WAS AT THE SAME RESTAURANT AS HE WAS!!!!'#or maybe she's just his girlfriend who he likes spending time with all your speculation about her isn't true ?#literally saw someone call this real life woman a villain#jennifer maybe let's not?
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
speedrun drawings for my nevermoor playlists
#nevermoor#cadence blackburn#ezra squall#morrigan crow#odd trio but they’re the only ones who fit into my taste in music 👀#cadence is tired of their shit and I love her#I’m probably never gonna make my playlists public so…if anyone wants to steal these for your own playlists go for it#inspired by those playlist covers @magentasnail made because they’re so pretty and I can’t use the same 3 drawings for all my playlists lol
133 notes
·
View notes
Text
rampaaaaa na mga dhzai!!!!!!!!
#dungeon meshi fanart#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#toshiro nakamoto#nakamoto toshiro#laios touden#laishuro#laishiro#i uploaded this on the wrong blog 2 times im so cooked like a fucking lechon on christmas#im going to be honest i gave laios less care bc something came up & i had to speedrun him#since tomo i wont be able to have much free time or energy. laios took 4hours & toshiro like. 6 hrs#i drew them both on the same canvas so when i both put them on visible mode they're like. perfectly aligned with eachother lol#hate drawing side profiles yet alas. i must do it for the yaoi#im so tired i want to sleep i wanna visit my sister but i must do this work shit
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
ik it's not smut (and not any of the reqs that are in my inbox) but I cannot stop thinking about price giving pup!reader a bath.
curly hair specific for 2 paragraphs, everything else is generic
hes so gentle, making sure the whole bathroom smells nice. he uses soft vanilla scents so your little nose doesn't get overwhelmed, and turns off any noise or lights to make sure you're calm.
the water is always the perfect temperature, and he lets you pick out one of the bathbombs he bought especially for you. the water turns pink, or purple, or blue, whichever you prefer, with a thick layer of bubbles ontop.
everything is in your favourite scent. whether that's smooth and creamy vanillas, sharp and tangy citrus, or soft pillowy florals, he has it all. he just enjoys seeing the little smile on your face, how your cute little ears droop more and more as you become more relaxed.
he walks you through an entire bath routine, breaking everything down into little steps, guiding you through it all. salts, bar soap, shower gel, oil, moisturiser. he spares no expense, wanting to make sure you smell and feel good.
his favourite part however is helping you with you hair. a thick, pretty mess of wild curls. he knows almost more than you do, buying all types of oils, creams, hair masks, shampoos and conditioner.
he uses a whole concoction of things, making sure everything he uses is designed specifically for your hair type. gentle hands massage the shampoo into your scalp, smiling as you sigh and relax into him. you don't even have to lift a finger. wash day is completely taken care of.
when you come out of the bath, all warm and relaxed, he sweeps you up. dressing you in the fluffiest towel, running through creams, gels, and oils so your hair looks all shiny and pretty. he helps you rub in different oils and moisturisers so your skin is smooth and soft, even runs through some special cream for your fluffy tail.
post-bath is what he always looks forward to. he loves how sleepy you get. he lays you on his chest, both of you shirtless, enjoying the skin to skin contact. your tail slowly wags, a gentle rhythm hittig his thigh as you share warmth. his hands run up and down your back, occasionally squeezing your hips. it's his favourite part of owning you, knowing that you're safe, clean, and comfortable.
#i just want price to do my fucking wash day#curly hair is such a pain in the ass#hes so soft w his pup i love it#same shit w gaz#hed have to put your wash days on seperate days#poor man would be too tired to do both of you at the same time#im just obsessed with him being all loving and caring#AHHHHHHHH#mw x reader#mw2 x reader#captain price x reader#price x reader#john price x reader#price x chubby!puppygirl
242 notes
·
View notes