#so this would surely get his own as what i am forgetting about is recalled

[muu-kun]

Timeline of Mason Thompson’s Most Prominent Traumatic Events (Part 3/4)

Disclaimer: I am not the peacekeeper for what can or cannot be considered trauma. This is solely a document containing a list of what Muu has personally found to be traumatizing to him. And, yes, while nearly 90 percent of it is derived from instances between himself and other muses on tumblr, the original identities have been scraped and replaced with entirely new ones to save face. Any similarity to hereby existing muses is purely incidental. Be mindful of the numerous (but perhaps not limited to) triggers that appear in the upcoming text including: mentions of abuse, bullying, abandonment, neglect, and NUMEROUS discussions on sexual assault. I cannot express enough how frequent that appears in his history, so please proceed with caution. If you have any further questions, my IMs are always open.

Further Disclaimer: This one is not as minor in impact as the prior two were by comparison. Be aware that one contains instances of far more cruel and heinous acts by a longshot. I couldn't sugarcoat a bulk of them even if I tried. There are no silver linings to be had no matter how hard one might squint. I wish with the upmost sincerity that I could take these away from him, but I can't. All I can do is condense them here as a reference guide for those with muses he brings up the topic of something called, "The Big Box". These events are what lurk within it.

18-20: Headed to Hell in a Hand Basket

Losing everyone. His first partner, the one he attempted to build a strong connection with that followed shortly after, his two best friends, and his older brother. They all went forward to live their lives without the hinderance of him being present. Which while, yes, he understands their reasoning on that to some extent, their departure without so much as a glance back ever so often to check in on his state of being was something he held such self blame for that it locked him into a state of chronic rumination-- namely when he was attempting to fall asleep. His insomnia has maybe since improved, but the extent of the damage it caused is presently irreversible.

With everyone leaving back to back, he found himself unknowingly forming an attachment into a vampire much younger in age than the best friend he'd adored for two years straight. This one was his age. They'd exchanged platonic utterances of love being held for the other, and the other male had also declared his concern for the wellbeing of the innocent minded human. Looking back, he'd almost wondered if they had become his favorite person by simply being kind. Not that he could confirm with certainty that he would have fit the diagnosis criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder at that age. It just remains something he is curious of is all. Also a question in his mind is if maybe his increased desire to achieve additional closeness with the vampire was because he held (very one-sided) romantic feelings for him. Logically, he had known they lacked compatibility in that area as both were submissive leaning individuals. With all things considered, though, he was never a logically led person as is at eighteen as is anyways.

When the very vampire he was growing uncertain feelings towards showed him an illustration of two men with appearances mirroring their own kissing each other, and he mistakenly took that as an indication they should have kissed one another as well. He hadn't asked for permission. Or even asked at all what their opinion of kissing was as is. Never had he taken a millisecond to ponder if other people enjoyed the closeness to be had in one as much as he did. He had no idea that had been assaulted in a malicious manner by someone close to them in the past. All he knew was that they were angry and critical of him for his chaste press of his lips to theirs. That were immediately disinterested in him as a friend, and as a person. Scum. That is what they called him.

Know that at the indication he was inevitably going to be left behind an additional time by someone he wanted to love him, and that his own mistakes were solely responsible for the shift from loved to unloved to occur, Muu had not been kind. By his logic, if he was so terrible as they began to imply, he was going to at least put evidence of such right there to back it up. He grew mean. Resentful. Reactive. And what other way to really cement in place that he was as awful as he was implied by them to be? To press the exact buttons he knew existed early by pure mistake. Kissing them. Again. And again. Hell, he'd lost count. And boy did he learn to regret it.

When the kissing he was guilty of got him labeled a sexual predator. It takes being an adult looking back on this one for Muu to find it a gray area in retrospect. On one hand it isn't an incorrect statement as he knew he was purposefully retraumatizing something that had confided in him a personal truth. On the other, however, Muu would swear it had no underlying desire to be with them in any kind of lustful manner. At the time, he lacked the maturity and understanding that sexual assault didn't actually boil down to sex. It was power. So while this statement hurt him by really pressing on the existing wounds left over from not having his own trauma being ignored, who else is to really fault for his autonomy being utilized for giving that pain to someone else to carry as well?

When he'd been told that he was going to go Hell to spend an eternity alone while his friends were all going to get to play together in Heaven without him. Neither Muu or the person telling him it believed in those forms of afterlife to begin with, and yet the intention and fear going in and out from statement was acquired from the same energy. Both parties were well aware that Muu was significantly afraid of being left behind. For a lot of reasons, though, Muu really wish they had just left each other's lives after that conversation. A lot wouldn't have happened if they did.

When things between himself and his newly sworn vampire enemy, known by Muu in present times as A Bat, when from bad to worse. Words aimed at him continued to be more thought out attacks of his psyche by gunning for his most deeply rooted insecurities. Of those that came out, the most devastating to his system didn't even come from the Bat personally. Instead, it came from the Bat's best friend. She informed him he was unlovable. And together they would remind him of this suddenly undisputed fact about himself every chance they could. And later, so would many others.

Words didn't stay words for long. Eventually resentment was carried out in physical altercations. Strangers he didn't even know were arriving from the woodwork to fight for their Bat brethren how they deemed necessary. That included having his arms repetitively twisted in multiple spots by people far stronger than himself. Some went out of their way to truly showcase their strength by picking up the young adult and throwing him against whatever surface was available. Walls, the floor, playground equipment, etc. He had broken rips, numerous sprains to all of his limbs, and acquired a bullet wound scar from being shot at from a close distance. It was left known to him to say the least that he was more desirable dead than alive at that point.

When he attempted to confide in mutual friends of his and the Bat that people were hitting him, or being unkind to him in what words were still being used, they all just told him that they refused to aid him in anyway. That he had it coming, so therefore he needed to endure it. And that while they were not blatantly going to admit to picking sides, surely none of them would have picked his anyways. Having no one to stop it-- especially not himself as he didn't know how-- there was really no shock at the fact everything escalated even further than what had already transpired.

When it became what he assumed to be universal knowledge that not only would Muu allow anything to happen to himself, and that no one was going to intervene to aid him, could he have really faulted anyone from thinking, "Why physically assault him when we can do so sexually instead?". Not to mention the fact that as a response to a lack of safety for his body on that front, he became so detached from all sensibility that he ignored indications of it in other parts of his life as he could only become attached to the idea of a saving friendship. Lacking the ability to reach out to anyone, the know how to recognize grooming from those more educated in the long haul of hurting another human being, and desperate enough to go to any ends to be "good" as a means of stopping all the pain going his way, Muu would find himself so frequently assaulted in the two year span that a number can't even settle himself down enough to go through all the gray areas in between all the red flags to get a proper number. Only what can really be provided is the most prominent acts of violence that area listed below.

Warning: These are graphic depictions of rape. And reminder: none of these muses are my own. These were all things to occur on tumblr-- and, no, they were not brought up to me beforehand and gained my permission as a writer. These were non-consensual on all fronts and therefore were severely traumatizing for Muu, who had no idea what was coming. The only thing I've changed is names for the sake of the fact that many muns involved have sought out to apologize for their carelessness at the time. Nevertheless, the damage was done, and this is for Muu to have his story told.

Lennox, 16 at time of assault. He was sixteen to Muu's eighteen. You read that right. The teen brother to someone the older male began to establish an infatuation with, but never reciprocated his feelings as they had far too much to focus on than a relationship. Even so, it didn't stop Muu from visiting often in the hopes that they would take a liking to him once they were truly able to settle down from an extensive list of adult responsibilities to sit down and have a chat. He'd try his hand at helping as he could, but being that they thought of him as a little brother enough as is with his noticeable cognitive deficit, they often found what opportunities they could to get both boys to boys together. What they didn't know was once left on their own devices to hash their distain for one another out, Lennox frequently pantsed and molested the special needs adult male out in secluded areas of the family's home. Thinking he could take it as he held out for the eldest sibling to pay him mind, he kept what was going on a secret. Or at least until the eve of what was supposed to be a night over between the adults over at the house. He'd found himself wandering about while everyone else appeared asleep, as his insomnia forbid him most nights from reaching slumber until late, late into the night. Awake as well had been the teenager, who invited him into the room with a promise to teach him how to play some of the most popular videogames at the time. Wanting to be educated on what boys liked to do, as he had always wished to fit into a group of them growing up, he agreed. As it would turn out, Lennox had a far different game in mind that they were going to play. One that involved taking a thin, not quite phallic looking item found in his room, and forcing it inside of Muu with no preparation whatsoever. When it was over, he located a parent within the home to drive him home. Only in the car did he confess that the teen had hurt his privates, and that he was concerned about the bleeding caused by such physical trauma. The only response he had been given was to tell no one else what had happened before being dropped off at home to tend to his wounds on his own. This is the event responsible for Muu not wishing to show his backside to anyone even years later. He is aware there has to be scarring present from what occurred, and he is incredibly self conscious of that fact. No part of him wants anyone to notice. Even if maybe they couldn't do so in the first place. He'd rather be cautious than not.

Chun-hee, 19 at time of assault. Otherwise known as Cherry, a gender non-conforming employee of the streets. Notorious for mugging, yet they never claimed to being above anything else outside of that. For what reason he might never know, but Muu happened to catch their eye after the first time he'd walked unassuming into their territory as his best method from getting between work and home as someone that relied on the transit system to get around. At first, when they would cross paths, all that was wanted from him was whatever was inside his wallet. If he had nothing, the next to be demanded would be his clothing. When he grew tired of being compliant, and only wished for them to leave him alone in order for him to get on with his day, their aggression towards him only grew. Any respect for him they could have possibly found in their empty heart went out the window. Once, when Muu had refused to give up his wallet, and instead shoved it inside his own pants for what he anticipated to be a safe place for it, Cherry had simply went in after it to retrieve it. What organ they were in proximity to, and grazed against in the process, was completely irrelevant. Or at least seemed so until any refusal on the younger male's part was intended at being kept in check with threats of sexual violence. That if he didn't comply, they would "fuck" him. Eventually, if turned to when. The first instance of things taking a turn for the lewd and unlawful between them was Chewon forcibly held Muu down onto the ground before inserting their genitalia into his mouth without his consent. To keep him compliant then and thereafter, they would threaten him with a knife. Once they'd even gone as far as to hold it near his groin, causing him to urinate on himself in front of them. At the sight of their disgust at what he'd done on instinct, he utilized it thereafter to pee on himself immediately at the sight of the other until they eventually gave up to go after someone else in his place. It is because of the events associated with them that he often discusses "making like a deer". He'd learned that they too release their bowels to escape being eaten by predators. Even years later, he is still at the ready to empty his own if he thinks there is a high probability someone is going to rape him. Also note that Muu had told someone immediately after Chewon had forced him into giving them oral copulation. The person he reached out to had really only told him to not confide in them again unless he had something far worse to share, because plenty of people had it more severe than that. Everything had something worse to compare it to, so at that he opted to tell no one about anything. There was no one to disappoint by doing so.

Kenji, 34 at time of assault. He and Muu met after the younger man answered his online ad seeking out someone to be his pet. Muu had been familiarized by the concept by another older man in his life who claimed it was the process of someone teaching another man to be good. Hoping that becoming such would solve all his problems in life as being bad had caused them, he couldn't have been more enthusiastic to stumble on someone's shared proposition. In the beginning, nothing they'd done on a sexual level as anywhere close to involving penetration, so he hadn't really thought on it to escape a situation that got him attention, and didn't require him to settle on a intimate dynamic that made him uncomfortable. Eventually, however, the older man's true colors really started to come out in the form of going from kind towards him when he made what was perceived to be mistakes to punishing him crudely. Worse even was that he always made Muu pick his own punishment from two unpleasant options. And if he failed to endure the one, he faced further consequence in being made to handle the other. That included becoming aggressive towards them from trying to introduce electricity play into their lessons to the point he hit the older man in the face. In retaliation to spoiling their underlyingly intimate encounter, and for striking them, he was made to pick between seeing if he could withstand having four climaxes prevented, or endure quadruple that in harsh smacks against his posterior. At first he attempted the option involving denial since he hadn't experienced the sensation of it before to know what pain and discomfort to anticipate. When that grew too overstimulating, he cried out and had to face the reality of being rid of the clothing covering up his lower half without a single word before enduring the first of many painful and hard smacks to bare flesh. The scene would grotesquely be mirrored later down the road when the older man reached a boiling point of anger towards the young blond for something forgettable, they chased him out into the living room to pin him along the arm of the couch, stripped him of the clothing adorning his skin below the belt, and assaulted him.

The Grayest Area of Them All

Amais. Ageless. A demon of demons. This is the person that told him when he was sixteen that the reason he was getting in trouble for confiding in people about his second and third assaults involving Grim was because they were his fault. He is also the only one Muu knew was a rapist as they had bragged about it to him in the past that his immeasurable amount of crimes were still incapable of putting him behind bars because he was in everyone's pockets. That and the fact not even Hell could contain him as that was his origin of place anyways. Amais knew no bounds when it came to sex as he was a demon associated with it. He openly shared the fact that he had fornicated with men, women, and even children against their will hundreds of times with no end in sight, and yet the then twenty year old still kept in contact. Mainly because by then he really didn't feel like he had anyone else's support. As such, he admittedly shared a bit too much about his most modern day predicaments. Including the conversation of being made good through a pet based dynamic. Seemingly feeling sorry for the young adult at the tales of his misfortune, the demon suggested that they take his teachings instead. Amais warned, though, that those who lived in his home to acquire his lessons were at times expected to please him regardless of whether or not their own desires were there in the moment. He had also gone to indicate that he really wouldn't have thought to pick Muu for a nightly event anyways as he held no attraction to him in any kind of manner. It was actually Muu himself that pleaded to keep in mind as he did not want to feel any different, or less desirable than those around him. In response, the elder stated to the younger that he was expected to be at his chambers at an approximate time for the two to engage in sexual intimacy. And that regardless of if he cried, screamed, or kicked as best he could, Amais was not going to stop. Why the smaller blond anticipated in any way that he would have been different from all the others he'd said those words to is anyone's guess. In the end, he did go to their room fresh after a bath as additionally expected of him, got undressed, climbed into the other's bed, and then spent an indiscernible amount of time begging his way out of an assault that didn't end until the demon himself decided it was over.

It was immediately following the assault involving Amais that Muu went no contact with everyone and ran away to not be seen years later. He highly suspected that not only was no one going to believe him for a rape that had to have been his fault, it probably would have just acted as further encouragement for those being harmful to his body on behalf of the Bat to get friends and monsters they were associated with involved with what was being inflicted on him from all sides in life. He couldn't take it anymore, so he disappeared. And now that he is back and trying to speak on these events to people, do you know what he really wants out of it? To be held not as the eighteen to twenty year old that endured all this, but actually of the section of sixteen year old version of himself that split off after the first time they had been hurt with no where to go following it either. He'd been carrying it unsuspectingly through each patch of grass, sidewalk, piece of furniture, and bedroom he'd been hurt in thereafter as if any bit of familiarity would have assisted him to detecting the pain before he couldn't prevent it anymore. They've only had each other this whole time, so it would so freeing to his heart to get the opportunity to be coddled so lovingly that every bit of him knows he is someone's baby in the way he never got to be enough to finally give into the idea it doesn't have to be just him on his own anymore. And that it is safe for him to truly be himself by coming back into the out now, because it is safe for him to do so. You'll know you are there when the broken bits of him wither away to reveal the mirth that has always been lurking in desperation to be seen again. Only when you can describe him as nothing more fitting than a child that won't cease coming to you for affection, or give you a moment to breathe for a moment without joyfully telling you all about his otherwise mundane sounding day, will it be put to your attention that you are in the vicinity of Muu in his finest, happiest, and most genuine form.

[formosusiniquis]

This one goes out to that old guy I saw at walmart yesterday loading up his pioneer woman cookware onto his motorcycle while enter sandman played

steddie | G | WC: 1154

---

“Hey baby, can you?”

“No.”

Steve's sweet tone sours immediately returning to the much more familiar gently bitchy tone Eddie knows and loves. “You don't even know what I was gonna ask.”

“Twenty-five years of marriage, lawful and not, Sunshine. I know when you're about to ask me for some shit we don't need.”

“Why would I be calling you if we didn't need it?”

“Because if you needed it you would have told me about it when I said, ‘Stevie, sweetie, light of my life, sun to my dawn,’” he looks around trying to figure out where the hell they moved the oranges and why the produce section is never in the same configuration anytime he comes here. He makes eye contact with a kid wearing an artificially faded printing of his own tour merch looking at him with a starry eyed look of recognition not of the celebrity but of family.

“Did you forget where you were going with that old man?”

He decides he might as well put on a show, both halves of this conversation already know he's going to do what he's told. “‘Stevie, my one truth north, my muse, my reason to continue living, my dearest husband, I'm going to Walmart,’ I told you not but thirty minutes ago and asked if you needed me to get you anything and you said no.”

“Oh, you aren't going to monologue for your adoring public all the sweet names I called you?” Steve is amused, he can tell, he's always been able to tell. He's accepting this as his penance for not giving Eddie an actual grocery list when he left.

“Well dear heart I am in public, but if you think we can find another grocery store to go to after getting banned from this one. I guess there is the Kroger on the other side of town.” The kid laughs, tries to hide it behind their hand, but if Eddie has had anything in this life it's experience with teens eavesdropping on conversations they shouldn't be.

“Oh you're really hamming it up, huh, Teddy. Can I tell you what you're getting me yet or do you still have a couple minutes in your set?”

He's given up on oranges, moves on to the onion he actually came here for, the lone ingredient for dinner that he'd forgotten from his clicklist. If they want to actually have the roast tonight it needs to start soon. “What is it that you remembered we needed, oh song of my heart.”

“I already sent you the link so you get exactly what I want.”

It's just ominous enough of a non-answer that he pulls his phone out of his pocket, juggling it and the five things he'd already grabbed that weren't on his one item list. He doesn't have the time to regret not grabbing the cart he was sure he hadn't needed when he sees what he's been sent.

“I'm on my bike! Where am I going to put that?”

“I'm sorry, am I hearing you correctly? Was I right when I said, ‘Teddy bear, my stars, my bard-’”

“You aren't on speaker.”

“My beloved damsel in distress, maybe the motorcycle isn't the most efficient of midlife crisis vehicles. Aren't you going to want something with more trunk space, why don't you get a Caddy or a Bimmer for old times sake. And what did you say?”

“I don't recall.”

“Probably for the best wouldn't want you banned from Walmart, what would the tabloids say?”

“Nothing that would match your wit, Sweetheart. Does it have to be this one?”

“Yes, the plaid matches the kitchen remodel, so be a good boy and strap it to your bike. And remember we've still got one kid to put through school if she decides to go, don't bring home any strays with you. Do you need to do your encore now, baby?”

“I accept your quest, my dashing prince. I shall return home with my bounty posthaste.” Encore complete, audience still enraptured, Eddie dips into the sincere. It's been nearly thirty years together and he's not once ended a call without saying, “I love you.”

“Love you too, my knight in denim battle vest. I'll see you when you get home.”

The call ends with the usual dull toned beep beep, the playlist the call interrupted starts to filter back into his earbud. He realizes he's going to have to walk right past the kid to get to the side of the store with Steve's Instant Pot.

“Hear they're about to have a reunion tour,” he says gesturing down at the reprint of their Came Back Wrong Tour shirt. The faux-fading has left a crack through his own face at the bottom making him unrecognizable, not that he looks the same now as he did at 25. “Those old bands just don't know how to retire.”

“I think it's smart that they're playing up the recent tik tok fame.” The kid says, “No one's even seen their lead singer since the 90s and after their first national tour he'd started wearing that mask.”

It hurts a little bit the way the kid says 90s like it's some bygone era lost to time. Tries to appreciate instead how good the mask idea had been, he'd really been an innovator. “That was a pretty sweet gimmick, you think he'll bring it back? It's kind of Orville Peck's thing now isn't it.”

The kid slumps, managing the impressive feat of looking desolate while standing over the tomatoes. “Probably, not that I'll see it. I couldn't manage to get a ticket.”

That is something he can fix, “Here,” he manages to grab ahold of his wallet, “as luck would have it, I've got a couple spares.”

The kid looks torn between fear and elation, it's likely at least the second strangest thing to ever happen to them in a Walmart. “Oh I can't-”

“No strings, I got it through work for my sister-in-law to go with my husband. She asked why none of the good bands ever have reunion tours so… not going obviously. And my husband insists he's too old to be that close to the stage. You'd be doing me a favor really.”

“If you're sure,” they say, the hesitance more a mannered necessity than real.

“Sure as shooting. Seriously, here give me your name so my husband knows who to make the thank you note out to.”

“Aspen, thank you really!”

Twenty minutes later when he’s got a kitchen appliance bungied to the back of his bike he’ll appreciate that something good came out of this. Three weeks later when he’s standing at the front of a sold out arena he’ll mostly appreciate another chance to be dramatic, “This next one is for Aspen who didn’t laugh when an old man tried to flirt with his husband in the produce aisle. Gareth, count me in.”

[goldsbitch]

Right?

summary: Y/N is a photographer for McLaren F1 team. Hard working, goal oriented professional who would never put her career in jeopardy for some stupid crush, right?

That is until a photoshoot gets out of hand and there is no way to go but forward.

warning: swear words, male x female, angst

part 2

______________________________________________________________

You're a professional. Right? Always been, proud of your hard work and strong will. If you want something, you go and get it.

It's by no chance that you're standing exactly here - in the McLaren F1 paddock, in the middle of buzzing neatly organized and timed chaos prior to the start of the race. "Read the grid, feel the paddock" was a line burned to your memory by your first boss, now the Media head of Redbull. You've learned what each and every one of the people do, what their job entails, because one day, one day you want to be more than a photographer for the team's social media.

You're a professional. Had a dream and went for it, no matter the sacrifice or long hours. Always on the road, detached from your peers. Because your heart beats for this.

You'd never do anything to compromise your job. Right?

The hardest part to ignore is his scent. You can evert your eyes when he walks to the room like he owns it - and one would say he actually does, he is the team's no. 1 driver for god sake. His voice can almost be blocked out by focusing on a conversation with a different person or headphones if the situation allows. But his scent seems specifically tailored to messing with your ability to focus, so much sothat you've considered wearing a mask and pretending to be a super freak about germs.

Ironically, scents are hard to recall. And you would know, you've tried several times on lonely nights in hotel rooms, with the goal to make you finish just a little bit faster. A moment you'd really love to forget is standing in a perfume shop trying to figure out what is that magical formula. Because it can't be due to the fact that he is wearing it. Right?

However hard it is for you on the inside, one would never know of your tiny little crush from the outside. Always keeping it casual, with every photoshoot staying professional and holding it together.

It was Lando who had the idea to do more of an intimate (his words, not yours) photoshoot than usually, to spice up the feed, as he bluntly said during a casual PR catch up. This was the reason why you were standing here. In the middle of the forest, alone with a big camera and one light for the subject in question, your biggest crush in history. You were sure he was having a great time putting you outside your comfort zone, the cheeky fuck he was. But then again, he probably really did not give a shit.

"I can't focus if you'll keep looking at me like that," Lando stated like a spoiled child.

"Come again?" you asked, geniuenly confused.

He jumped around few times, as if he was about to run a marathon. "Show a little enthusiam, why so bleh today?"

"You're right, my mind went somewhere else."

"Oh, am I boring you? Well, that's bad. We should be promoting my merch here, but even the person paid to be here can't seem to be bothered!" His tone changed. He raised his eyebrows, challenging you to up your game.

You're a professional. No doubt about that.

Focus, get your head back. Your energy boosted up again, here we go! "Ok, Norris, back to work!" You're well aware that a great photo comes from the subjects ability to connect with the photographer. "You're right, this isn't working. Let's get into the car."

You both left the random wood spot and returned to his sports car that brought you here. "Sit on the driver's seat" you instructed.

"Oh, as if there is a different way this would go down."

"Come on, let's drive around. And be fast," not sure if you were incouraging him or yourself.

"Like the sound of that. Buckle up, otherwise you'll have blurry photos."

And with that he reversed back on the main road.

After about 15 minutes of driving back and forth with a casual drift on the turns, getting pictures of him driving in his new jacket and shades, the adrenaline levels were pretty up in both of you.

"Parked it up here" you instructed again, having him stop on a hill with a view on a city lights in the background. "These are amazing!" you said after a brief look on the photos.

Lando was curious as ever. "Show me!"

"No, you'll see them on the right time. Do you trust me?"

He licked his lips. "Surprise me?"

"Lean back."

You really got into the zone, already super excited for the pictures. They had everything, interesting lighting, composition and Lando was doing an exceptional job with his smiles. However, you knew it could give more.

"This is great Lando, truly great job! But let's do more and push it further, you ok?"

"Just tell me what to do." He looked like he was really enjoying the attention, but you tried to block any of these thoughts out.

"One thing photographers recommend is for the model to try and look into the lens as if you want to seduce it, capture those looking at the picture...It's for making models less focused on the camera and being more attractive..."

Lando pulled out his best smirk yet. "Oh, I'm not attractive enough to be your model now?"

"Come on. You know what I mean."

"Nah, I don't," he lied. "Elaborate, I'm just a simple driver."

Now you were getting annoyed. "Just imagine the lens is someone you want to, em, who you would like to"

"-Fuck?"

"Yes."

"As you wish." And as you asked he did.

He probably did it without much of a thought, but you were perfectly aware of how he fixed his posture, opened his lips a bit, moved his and got this look on as if he wanted to eat you - in the best way possible. This got you in the zone, striking one photo after another, moving your camera and getting closer to get the details, completely forgetting you were both there to shoot his new merch.

Battery low. You would have cursed yourself in that moment. Only you hardly had a second to think about this. When you put your camera down, you realized the nonexistent proximity between you and Lando. You were sitting above him on the back seat with him staring up to you.

You froze for a moment, knowing there is no battery left in the bag.

"Well that is us done for today," you focused on the camera. How on Earth can you be so stupid.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." You suddenly realized you were way, way to close to Lando. The damn scent, again.

"Damn, I like these kinds of photoshoots."

"Uhm, yeah." You did not want to move, but it was becoming socially unacceptable for you to be sitting on him for this long.

"Have you done this with Oscar?"

It's hard for you not to laugh at that thought. Every photoshoot with Oscar was a nightmare with the atmoshephere being so dry that everyone with an inch of taste had to tell from the photos immediately.

"Not yet," you said trying to preserve the facade. " But if these work out and the team likes them, we might recreate this with him?"

As if that was even remotely possible. You should move now. Why isn't he moving?

"Shame, thought it was our thing," his voice was becoming more raspy with every sentence.

And with that - you lost it.

"You still have the look." How is this sentence coming out of your mouth?

"What look?" he said, moving even closer to you.

"The models look."

"Remind me which one."

"The "Fuck Me Look"...But I'm not taking photos anymore."

"Interesting."

"Why?" You stopped breathing a while ago.

"Because I think you have it too."

part 2

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret

chapter twenty six : crucifixion

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 12.7k

summary : judgement day.

warnings: major character death, above canon typical violence, very brief references to suicide, torture, body horror (briefly), feelings of despair, blood, wounds, general kodo grossness, vomit (reader vomits several times, it is never described in detail), language, angst, brief smut, pregnancy, death, reader is not doing well in this like she's at a breaking point, i may have missed some so feel free to let me know.

a/n: please read the warnings on this chap! it's the most serious of the bks updates, definitely a bit more intense than the rest. gonna work on getting 27 out within the next few day. i've been terrified of releasing this chapter since i started writing it so once i post this i'm going to dig a hole and sit in it and hide for a while lmao.

i changed my editing style so if there's spelling errors lmk!! apologies in advance!!

“My room is too big.” 

He bursts into genuine peals of laughter and you gently smack his arm.

“Don’t laugh, it’s a serious issue! My room is enormous.” You’re giggling along with him now, it’s the hardest you’ve ever heard him laugh. You both just laugh for a few minutes, as if each other's company is the most amusing thing in the world. 

Once your giggles fizzle out you wait another moment before breaking the silence. 

“Where did you grow up?” You can’t see him but you can sense where he sits in the darkness, you crawl forward so you’re sitting between his legs, your own legs wrap around his waist. “I’m just curious.” 

“Aq Vetina.” You can’t recall anything about the planet. You aren’t even sure you’ve heard of it. 

“Do you remember your parents well? You don’t talk about them very much.” You put your hands on his shoulders, ever so slowly moving them up to his neck until you’re cupping his face. 

“I’ll never forget them.” He whispers. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We can’t change the past.” You rub your nose against his, bumping them together as you hum and nod. “My mother loved ships. We didn’t travel, we never had a reason to, but she would take me outside and we’d watch ships fly past. I could never comprehend how she knew the name for all of them, it blew my mind.” You wrap your arms around his neck, staying silent in hopes that he’ll continue, he so rarely speaks so much. “My father worked a lot but he always made time for us, he was always home in time to say goodnight to me. He was always around when I needed him, he always provided for us. On his day off he’d spend the whole day cooking, I’d sit on the kitchen counter and tell him what my mother and I had done that week. When she’d come home we’d all eat dinner together.” 

“You sound like you were a happy child.” You can’t help but smile. 

“I never had reason to be otherwise.” He says it so matter of factly that you don’t doubt it for a second. He was loved. It only makes you smile wider.         

“What were you like, as a child?”

“Well behaved.” You immediately begin laughing once more. 

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. My mother homeschooled me, she always made sure I had manners. I wasn’t particularly athletic or talkative so I didn’t play with other kids a lot. It was just me and mama.” He sounds far away, it makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.

“So what did you do all day?” Your tone has softened significantly. 

“I would sew.” 

“Be serious.” He’s the one who laughs now at the disbelief in your voice.

“I am! I would sit with my mother after my lessons and we’d sew.” His fingertips dance along the back of your neck as he reminisces. 

“What kinds of things?” You don’t tease. When you really think about it you suppose such a hobby is fitting for him. A task that requires precision and care. 

“I would help her make clothes and blankets that she would sell most days. On the weekends she’d let me do whatever I wanted so I would practice my embroidery.” 

“My heart is actually about to explode out of my chest, you’re so cute.” You put on a mocking tone but the thought of such a thing really does make your heart clench. “Little Din Djarin stitching his name into his clothes.”

“You’re a cruel woman.” He leans forward, knocking his forehead against yours, almost as if he were reprimanding you. 

“What sorts of things would you embroider?” Your tone goes back to genuine, you could listen to him talk about himself for days and you’d never get bored. 

“Whatever my mother wanted. I would ask her what I should do and then I’d stitch it onto her blanket or the hem of her skirt. Mostly flowers, she loved daisies.” You’re pretty sure one of your ovaries literally popped at the thought of a little boy with dark curls and big brown eyes sitting beside his mother and embroidering a daisy onto her skirt. Your heart flutters a bit as you think of the necklace he got you. The silver outline of a flower you now realize is a daisy. “If he was ever gone for more than one night for work my father would bring her daisies, one for each day he was away.”

“Do you still know how?”

“I used to fix Grogu’s clothes when he ripped them but I haven’t done much else since I was a boy. He says it with finality but you carry on, not wanting him to stop talking. 

“What were their names? Your parents?”

“Clara and Arin Djarin.”  

“Those are pretty names.”

“What was it like for you? You said you had seven siblings right?”

“Eight actually.” You think of them now. There were eight of you and your parents' love for all of you combined wasn’t even a tenth of how much Din’s parents loved him. 

“Do you like having a big family?” He lifts you off of his lap, laying you back down as he crawls on top of you, laying against your chest. 

“I love it. I miss my siblings everyday, do you think we’ll be able to visit them someday?”

“If it’s safe to, of course we will.” He tilts his head, if you weren’t in darkness he’d be looking at you. 

“I wish they had visited here. They would have loved you.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding me? The younger ones would adore you.” You tangle your finger in his hair, scratching his scalp. “Kids just naturally like you.” 

“They just haven’t learned to fear me.” You frown when he says it like a fact.

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Yeah?” The hopeful tilt to his voice has you leaning down to press a kiss into his hair. 

“Kids are intuitive, they can sense that you’re a good person.” He tenses up as you tell him he’s a good person. You know exactly what he’s thinking about now, how he punched your husband and then refused to leave. 

Neither one of you wants to talk about that though, not today. 

“What kind of room would you want? Since your current room isn’t to your liking.” He’s quick to change the subject and you let him.

“In all honesty, I like the cabin, I wish we could just live there.” You run your fingers through his curls as you think about it, gently pulling through any tangles.

“My cabin?” His voice is full of uncertainty as he pulls back a bit.

“It’s nice.” You feel a bit defensive, you consider the cabin to be the closest thing you have to a home. “Can you imagine getting to stay on Naboo? We could spend our mornings walking the market.” You rest your hand on the back of his neck now. “We could get jobs in the city, and then at night we’d come home.” 

“To the cabin?” He still sounds rather skeptical of your hypothetical future. 

“I’d cook dinner, you’d do the chores.”

“The cabin’s a bit small for us.” 

“We’d make it a bit bigger, add a few bedrooms, we don’t need that much space.” 

“A few?” He turns his head, his lips brush against your collar briefly as he kisses you there, freezing up when you speak again. 

“At least two, one for us and then some for any little Djarin’s who might need space.” With that he sits up entirely, his legs straddle your stomach.

“Little Djarin’s?”

“And Grogu, he would come live with us as well.” 

“You’d want him to live with us?”

“Of course, he’s a little Djarin.” Your hands rest on his thighs now as he seemingly ponders above you. He hums to himself in silence for a moment and you can’t help but grin at how seriously he’s taking all of this. 

“How many?” He finally speaks again and you laugh at the bluntness of his question. 

“Kids?”

“How many would you want?”

“You go first.” You haven’t ever talked about this sort of thing so you want to gauge his answer first so you don’t scare him too much with all the kids talk. 

“Maybe five? Or six.”

“Six?” Your voice pitches up immediately and you feel a rumble in his chest as he laughs. 

“Or five.”

“How about two, counting Grogu.” Turns out you didn’t need to worry about scaring him off. 

��How about three?” Three is manageable. 

“Counting Grogu?” 

“Counting Grogu.” He seems satisfied with that. 

“I suppose we could have three, you’re the one who has to build all the extra bedrooms.” 

“I don’t mind.”

“I’d work at the library and you’d work in a shipyard, we’d take turns staying home with the kids.” You pull him back to you, taking his hands and dragging him to lay his head on your chest once more.

“I’ve got enough savings, neither one of us has to work if you’d like.” It sends a twinge of pain to your heart how real this conversation has become, knowing that this exact dream isn’t possible. 

You could always make parts of it real.

Someday. 

“I’d want to work, to get out of the house, but you could stay home if you’d like.”

“When they’re still ik’aad, at least for the first few years I’d want to be with them.” He’s going to be a wonderful father. 

“Then I’d work, not long hours, just enough to get me out of the house, when I come home I’d give you a break, you could do the shopping and I’d watch the little’s.” 

“We’d go as a family, I wouldn’t want ‘a break.’” 

“You’d want to wrangle three kids in the markets?” You scoff in disbelief but he continues to sound completely serious. 

“They’d be well behaved.” You seriously doubt that. 

“What about either one of us makes you think our children will be well behaved? Is Grogu well behaved?” 

“We’ll manage.”

“They’ll be wild.” They will, not they would. 

“And smart.” He sits up again, hovering above you to give you a quick kiss. 

“And happy.” There isn’t a doubt in your mind that your children would be happy with Din as their father. 

“You’d really want to live here? I could build us a house anywhere.”

“I like Naboo, at least everything outside of the castle. I don’t even mind the castle, I just don’t care for the people inside it.” It’s true, somewhere along the way this place grew on you immensely. You love the city and the people in it. “And they’d get to play in the garden.” 

“I would build you a cabin anywhere you wanted, and I’d plant you a new garden.” He kisses along your cheeks and forehead as he speaks. 

“You wouldn’t need to plant me a garden if we lived here.” You insist. 

“We can’t live here, mesh’la.” He rubs a small circle with his thumb against your cheek. “This is too serious now, we’re supposed to be relaxed today.”

“When did we agree on that?” You muster up a weak laugh. 

“It was a silent mutual agreement.”

“I’m plenty relaxed.” You mumble. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his stubble tickling you as you let out an airy giggle. 

“I’m actually very tense and I think we should take a break from all this talking and take care of that.” He mumbles against your shoulder.

“Oh?”

“Mhmm.” He emphasizes his point by pressing his erection against your hip, you hadn’t even realized that this is where he was going with that. 

“How long have you been waiting to jump me?”

“When we started talking about the five kids I was gonna put in you.” He continues to nip at your neck and shoulders as he speaks. 

“Skipping the agreed upon three and going straight to five already? You’re not even going to attempt to negotiate for four?” 

“So you’re open to four?” He pulls back and you can hear his smile. 

“Let’s start with one and go from there.”

“Right now?” His hips stutter down a bit against yours. 

“Maker, you’re insatiable.” You both burst into another fit of laughter. 

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“I could get pregnant, and considering the lack of sex I’ve had with my husband I’m sure that might raise a few eyebrows.” 

“It would never get to that point, when we’re in the clear with this whole Kodo mess I’m getting you out of here.”

“Like… actually leaving Naboo?” 

“Exactly like that. I’m gonna take you far away from here when this is over, gonna keep you all for myself.” His hands move down, giving your hips a squeeze. 

“I’m already yours.” You laughed, rolling over to be on top of him. He’s right, if you’re going to leave anyway then what’s the worst thing that could happen? 

You never talked about that night after that. 

When everything sorted itself out you realized how crazy your fear had made you. You couldn’t just leave. At least that’s what you’d told yourself, now you feel like an idiot for not holding him to his words. It wasn’t realistic, you both knew actually leaving would take so much more preparation than a few whispered ideas during a time where neither one of you was in any position to be making such promises. 

It was just talk.

Lysa came to get you from the dining room. 

After everyone left you had no motivation to move, you just stood there, frozen in time. After a few hours she found you, she had taken your hand and walked you back to your chambers. She held your hand, she kept you upright when you threatened to crumble. And when you felt a wave of nausea ripple through you she rushed you to the fresher, a hand on your back as you threw up all over again. 

You sat breathlessly on the tile, Lysa rubbing your back.

“Gods, I’ve been nauseous since the wedding. Even before everything fell apart.” It’s the first words you’ve spoken since they took Din, your stomach is still churning. “This has never happened before.” You groan, you’ve had many moments of upset throughout your life, but none that made you physically ill. Lysa looks almost painfully worried. 

“Ma’am… is there a chance you might be…” 

Kriff.

You never talked about that night after that. 

Maybe you should have. 

You both did a lot of things during those days. You had been so angry, and he had done everything in his power to ease that anger, to keep both of you as happy as someone could be in your situation. 

You shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to be reckless. 

“I’d like to go to bed.” 

“Of course.” She helps you to your feet, walking you back to your room, you turn to her one last time before you close the door. 

“I’m sorry. Elaine never should have gotten involved in all this.” You’d trade places with her in a heartbeat if you could. 

“It’s not your fault.” She truly seems to believe that. 

Except it is. Elaine never would have found herself in this situation if she hadn’t so often been helping the two of you keep your secret. 

“Goodnight, Lysa.” 

“Goodnight, princess.” 

You lay on the bed, unable to bring yourself to sleep in the closet. 

It’s cold. Colder than Hoth, as you stare at the ceiling in your far too big bed in your far too big room. Even bigger now that it’s just you. 

You let your hand roam down your torso to rest on your stomach.

Just you, hopefully. 

☆

You’re now having nightly dinners with Kodo. 

You don’t get any respite from him, you just want to stay in bed. You’re nauseous and tired and your head hasn’t stopped spinning since that night. A million thoughts a minute. 

Where is he?

Is he okay?

What the fuck can I do about it?

Mostly that. 

The worst part is your lack of a plan. If the roles were reversed Din would have already rescued you and you’d be living happily ever after. 

But that isn’t how your story is going. Instead you are alone, with no scheme on how to get to him. It’s only been three days but it’s driving you insane, you have never known such hopelessness, it’s maddening. To sit alone in your room all day, staring at the ceiling until Lysa comes to dress you for dinner. Neither one of you ever speaks, afterall, what would you say to each other?

“I’m sorry the love of your life had been sentenced to die?”

How morbid. 

Not that you’re above being morbid. 

You think about it often. How easy it would be to drive your dinner knife into Kodo’s throat. You’re seated beside him now at dinner, both of you at the head of the table, joined by the rest of his family. 

The thought of killing him is the only thing that brings you peace these days. You’ve never once in your life been violent until now. Din is good. He’s a good man. In every way he is the opposite of your husband yet Din is the one locked away, Maker knows where, while Kodo is being rewarded. 

It doesn’t make you mad, it makes you furious. 

It makes you want to poison his wine. 

But you don’t have poison. 

And you can’t put yourself in danger. Because you feel fundamentally different, and even if you refuse to think that such a thing is possible you know you wouldn’t just be putting yourself in danger. There’s more at stake now. 

That’s what you tell yourself to stay calm, a feat that is getting harder by the minute as you’re sat beside Kodo who is currently bragging about how he defeated a Mandalorian. 

“They aren’t as strong as you think they are. Under the armor they’re weak, pathetic.” 

It took six battle droids to keep him down. You didn’t even get near him. 

“Some people just need to be taught a lesson, don’t touch what isn’t yours.” He sneers and the rest of the table erupts into laughter. “I certainly taught that horned bitch a lesson as well, you all should have seen what they brought me last night.” 

You perk up, this is the only thing they’ve said in days that truly matters to you. You’ve heard nothing about the current state of either of them until now. 

“What did they do to Elaine?” Everyone’s head turns to you, all their expressions look as if you’ve announced something treasonous but Kodo smiles as if he were explaining something to a child. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” He puts his hand over yours when he says it. 

You don’t ask for any follow up. 

You don’t think you could stomach it, so you stay silent for the rest of your meal. When you’re finished you stand, the rest of the table is starting to pour more drinks but you simply lean down, mumbling something about being tired before giving Kodo a quick kiss on the cheek and dismissing yourself. 

You’re waiting for the night where he joins you in your chambers, after all his father is dead, but it has yet to happen. He had told you that once he was king he would be in need of heirs but he seems happy enough with his pleasure houses and you’re more than grateful for the women you entertain him so you don’t have to. 

So you return to your chambers alone, peeling off your gown before burying yourself under the covers. 

Sleep evades you as you toss and turn. You aren’t even tired, there’s too much going on in your mind, there’s no room for exhaustion. After about an hour you manage to drift in and out of unconsciousness, earning a brief reprieve from your anxieties until a sharp knocking has you jolting upright. 

You don your robe, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you rush to the door, you’re too tired to wonder who might even be bothering you at such an hour as you pull the door open. 

Lysa?

“We have to hurry, ma’am.” She grabs your arm, frantically tugging you into the hall. 

“Lysa? What are you doing? Are you okay?” 

“I am fine, but we don’t have much time.”

“Surely you have enough to tell me where we are going.” 

“Do you want to see him or not?” 

Din.

You nod, taking her hand as he rushes onward, stopping at each hall to peer around the corners until you make your way to a servants stairwell, skipping several steps in your descent until you run out of stairs. You’ve never been down here, you didn’t even know there were dungeons until recently. 

It makes your stomach twist in knots the moment you stare into the darkness. 

“Are there no guards?” You whisper, squeezing her hand.

“Not for the next hour, I’ve made sure of it.” She begins walking down the poorly lit corridor, pulling you along behind her. 

The stone floor is damp and it smells of mildew. Your bare feet are already freezing after just a few steps.

Every cell you pass is lit from the outside with a hanging lantern, they’re mostly empty, but you catch glimpses of movement out of the corner of your eye every now and then. In all honesty you’re doing your best to take in as little as possible, you don’t want to think about Din being down here in such a place, but there’s one element you can’t ignore. 

The wailing. 

Someone is weeping, a low, sorrowful song filling the vast maze of halls and you realize quickly you’re heading in its direction, Lysa tenses beside you as you continue on. You’re about to turn one more corner when she abruptly stops, turning to face you.

“He needs to eat.” She removes a fistful of rations from her apron pocket, shoving them into your hands. 

“He hasn’t?” He’s been down here for three days. 

“He won’t… let me.” You pause, cocking your head to the side and she gives you an apologetic look when she turns. “He won’t let me uncover his face.”

Oh. 

“I’ll feed him.” You nod slowly, tucking them into your own pockets before turning the corner. The contents of the cell immediately on your right have you stumbling backwards but Lysa is not swayed, pulling a key from her pocket, unlocking the door quickly before handing it to you. 

“He’s two cells down, on your right.” She doesn’t look at you as she rushes in, pulling a roll of bandages from her dress. “Shh… it’s okay, I’m here.” Her voice goes soft as she kneels beside Elaine. You can’t help it as you step into the entryway of the cell. 

Well, you’ve found the source of the wailing. 

She’s sat on a cot, curled in on herself as Lysa carefully peels back a series of soiled bandages from her face. 

“I’ve got you, it’s just me.” She continues to make an attempt to sooth a rather hysterical Elaine as she peels back the final layer of bandages and your stomach flips. “You’re okay, love, I need to change these.” You don’t know how Lysa is so calm, even in the darkness you can see the extent of her wounds. Now you know what they brought Kodo last night.  

Both eyes. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” 

Oh gods. 

You’re worried you may collapse as you watch Lysa tend to her with no hesitation, cleaning them with a careful hand before she begins to redress them. You can’t bear to watch any longer as Elaine begins sobbing once more. You try desperately to force the sight of your mutilated friend from your mind as you count down two more cells before quickly fumbling for the lock, letting it hit the floor as you take the lantern outside the door off its hook, bringing it into the dark room. 

It isn’t like Elaine’s cell. 

There’s no bed or interior light, it’s terribly dark and fetid, his cell running deeper than her’s. It takes a few steps for you to finally illuminate the room enough to see him. 

Maker. 

What have they done to your Din? 

You don’t hear Elaine anymore, there isn't a single thing that could distract you from the scene in front of you. There is nothing but the sight of your kar’ta. There’s too much for you to worry about, you don’t even know where to start, you’re frozen in place, a small part of your brain refuses to recognize the man before you as Din at all. He shouldn’t look like this. 

Armorless. 

They’ve stripped him of any clothing you recognize, the thought alone makes you nearly lose your dinner. 

They took his helmet, replacing it with a linen sack.  

Did they see his face?

You briefly have to shut your eyes, taking a deep breath as you take in the rest of him. His clothes are too thin, he must be freezing, they’ve dressed him in a cotton tunic and trousers that end just below the knee. You can see just how beaten and bruised he is. Unlike Elaine he’s in chains, kneeling on the floor with his hands shackled, taut above his head. You swallow the lump in your throat and finally crouch down in front of him, setting the lantern down beside you as you reach out to place a hand on his chest.

“Din…” Your voice cracks and the moment you come in contact with him he flinches back. Suddenly you know how Lysa held it together so well with Elaine, she just had to. You can’t fall apart, who would care for him now if you did? “It’s me, just me. Just me.” You whisper and place a hand over his heart but withdraw it quickly when he trembles under your touch. You ache at the sight of it but more than anything you’re confused, it only takes a moment for you to realize the issue. 

He doesn’t have his helmet. They’ve not only left him here blind, but deaf, of course any touch would frighten him. 

He assumes you're here to harm him. 

You lean in, careful not to come in contact with him as you speak clearly and loudly. 

“Din?” His trembling stops instantly. You find it a bit troublesome how much worse his hearing seems to have gotten in such a short time, you’re half tempted to reach under the bag to make sure he still has his ears. 

“Sarad?” Oh, Din. His voice is terribly small and it sends you forward, wrapping your arms around him as you pull him into an unreciprocated embrace. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You make sure to speak loud enough for him before pulling back, placing your hands against the fabric covering his face. 

“Are you okay?” He coughs a bit as he asks and you almost laugh at how ridiculous the question is considering the state he’s in. Are you okay? 

Technically no. 

But far better than he’s doing. 

“I’m perfectly fine, what can I do for you? Are you hurting?” You feel his face through the bag as you look down across his body. It doesn’t look like there’s been any permanent damage outside of a pretty nasty cut on one of his legs. 

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Now’s not the time to play the hero, Din.” He flinches a little and you calm your tone immediately. What the hell did they do to him? “Just let me help.”

“How’d you get down here?” 

“Lysa, she says you aren’t eating.” 

“She’d have to lift my- the bag to do it.” He sounds apologetic, as if you could ever fault him for following his creed. 

“It’s okay… may I?” You bring your hands to the hem of the bag but his head turns sharply.

“I- I don’t want you to look.” 

You have no response. He’s always wanted you to look. 

“I just, I don’t think you wanna see the condition I’m in. I don’t want your only memories of my face to be this.” He whispers when you don’t respond.

You should have looked when he asked you to. You should have done a lot of things differently. 

You shouldn’t have waited so long to look. 

You shouldn't have waited so long to tell him you loved him. 

You should have just let yourself love him. Why did you fight it for so long? It seems silly now. If you could do it all again you would have just taken his helmet off the first night you met him and you would have married him right then and there. You would have left Naboo that night.

And you would never keep any of it from him. You would tell him how important he is and how loved he is, you wouldn’t make him wait. 

Even now you can’t help it though, censoring yourself out of fear. Do you tell him about how nauseous you get every morning? About the way Lysa stares at your belly when she does your makeup? 

No. 

It wouldn’t do either of you any good, not when he’s in this situation. 

You take hold of the edges of the bag once more, gentler this time. 

“I’ll close my eyes.” You lift the fabric completely off of him, setting it in your lap as you simultaneously shut your eyes. You keep one hand on his face, using your thumb to find the corner of his mouth as your other hand fumbles to open a ration bar. You feel him part his lips as you feed him. He’s barely chewing, eating quickly and swallowing most of it whole. “Have they fed you at all?” You whisper as he finishes the first bar in a matter of seconds, his teeth lightly scraping against your fingers before you withdraw them, tearing open another bar.

“No.” His voice is still soft as you go to feed him once more, opening each package until he’s eaten them all. 

“Are you still hungry? I could see if Lysa has more.” 

“I’m okay.” You let your head fall forward, resting your forehead on his. 

“What else can I do for you?” 

“Nothing. Being here is enough.” 

If you had felt helpless before it was nothing compared to this. This is more than helplessness, it’s despair. 

“I’m sorry.” You pull yourself further into his lap, wrapping your arms around him in the process. 

“Hey… none of this is your fault.” It certainly feels like it is. Why does he keep comforting you when he’s the one shivering and alone down here? 

“Please, there has to be something I can do to help you.” 

“There is one thing.” You almost open your eyes, you're so relieved, you just want to ease his pain. 

“Anything. I’ll do anything.” 

“I need you to promise me you won’t look.”

“Won’t look?” Your eyes are already closed, you couldn’t look any less if you tried. 

“When they do it. I don’t want you to see it- it won’t be pretty.”

When they separate his head from his body. 

“I won’t.” You can’t deny him this, you’ll give him anything he wants. “Do you know how much I love you?” You whisper before leaning forward another inch to kiss him. 

The question is genuine. It terrifies you to your core to think that he may not know just how much you love him. 

“Of course sarad.” He murmurs against your lips until you let your head rest on his shoulder, fighting back tears. 

What do you say now?

What do you say to a man condemned to death? 

“I love you.” You mumble into the thin fabric of his tunic. 

“I love you too.” After a moment more with him you hear metal jingling as Lysa locks Elaine's cell once more. You quickly pull back from him, pulling the bag back over his head, once you know he can’t see you anymore the tears flow freely. Lysa steps into the cell and you remove your robe, wrapping it around him, immediately he begins to protest. 

“Mesh’la, you can’t leave this here.” His voice is strained and it makes you sick to think he started crying once he was out of sight as well. 

“Please, y-you’re gonna freeze.”

“They’ll know you were here, sarad’ika.” 

“Din…” You’re practically babbling as Lysa removes your robe from his shoulders, an apologetic look on her face as she grabs your arm. 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we need to go.” Tears sting your eyes as Lysa urges you to hurry but you don’t want to leave him, you want to stay, no matter the consequence. You pull away from her, wrapping your arms around his torso. 

“You need to go.” His voice is urgent through the fabric as you cling to him tighter. 

Would it be easier to just stay? Get caught and join him at the executioners? You’re genuinely considering it when you feel your stomach churn once more and you’re reminded of the exact reason why you can’t stay. Before you lose your nerve and shatter completely you lift the bag, just enough to give you an eyeful of his split lip and bruised jaw as you gently lean in and kiss him one more time. 

Doing everything in your power to remember exactly what it feels like.

The curve of his lips and the shape of his chin, the overgrown stubble brushing against your skin as you press your face harder against his, desperation taking over as you taste salt on his lips. You hold him as long as you can, until you hear Lysa urging you to make haste once more. 

“I love you.” You press your forehead to his through the fabric, feeling the familiar shape of his face against yours. 

“I’ll always be yours.” 

That was the last thing he was able to say before you let Lysa drag you out of the dungeons. 

☆

It’s like everythings suddenly back to the beginning. 

You wake up alone, you go to bed alone, and you wander the castle alone.

There is no plotting or scheming to free Din. 

Even if you were a trained killer or bounty hunter, it would be more than difficult to get him out of the dungeon and on a ship off Naboo. It would be even harder to do so when you’re one of the most recognizable people on the planet. 

He is buried deep beneath the ground and there is nothing you can do about it. 

After all, you're just a doll. 

You don’t know when it happened but all your clothes are blue again. Every dress Lysa fetches from the closet is a different shade of blue and all your nightgowns are the color of the sky. A personal brand put on you by Kodo. It’s clearly more than just a preference now, it’s a reminder to you and everyone else that you’re his. 

And time blends. 

You know a date was set right around the time you visited him. One week until Kodo’s coronation and two until the execution. His first public event after being crowned king will be a death sentence, how fitting. 

So you wake. 

And you sleep. 

And you walk. 

Kodo never replaces Din and you haven’t seen Leo since that night, so you’re completely alone. It’s like he’s rubbing in the fact that you’re powerless. There’s no need for you to have a guard, you can’t leave. If you tried you’d be escorted back in an instant. 

You tried to convince Lysa to let you see him again last night. 

“Please, just a few minutes-“

“I’m sorry ma’am, it’s just not possible. The only reason I was able to get you down there the first time was because the guard that usually lets me in was working nights, he won’t be working nights again until next month.”

Din won’t live to see next month. 

“Is he eating?”

“He won’t let me-“

“You need to insist. Tell him I insist, and tell him you’ll close your eyes.” 

She pins back a bit of your hair, leaving half up and half down. You both bask in the silence for a moment.

“I’ll make sure he eats.”

“Thank you.”

That had been the last conversation you had with Lysa. 

She doesn’t come to dress you in the morning. You think nothing of it and dress yourself in the gown she’d laid out last night. It’s a bit difficult, putting your coronation gown on on your own but eventually you manage, when you’re fully dressed in the obscenely decadent blue fabric you begin to worry. 

You have no reason to assume that everything is fine. It would actually make sense for this to be a worst case scenario situation, everything else in your life is right now. 

You’re about to leave in search of her but you decide against it. Sitting at the vanity and doing your makeup as quickly as possible, the last thing you need to do right now is give Kodo a reason to be upset with you, you have to be presentable. You smear the shimmering blue eyeshadow across your lids before rushing out of your room. 

The halls are full. Servants move quickly from room to room, cleaning every inch as you carefully push through the crowds, making a beeline towards the dining room. 

Kodo is seething when you push open the large doors. 

He stands at the end of the table, shoving an armored guard as the veins in his neck jut out in his rage. 

“Where could she have possibly gone? She’s blind. You’re telling me some blind bitch outsmarted my entire guard?” 

Your heart flutters at the thought.

They escaped.

Your hope is shattered the moment Kodo begins speaking again.

“At least we still have the Mandalorian… I want security tripled, guards stationed outside his cell at all times.” He continues grumbling for a moment until he realizes you’re there. “Happy coronation day dear wife! I’m afraid we’ve had a rough morning here, somehow in the night the Togruta girl escaped, do not fret, we’ll find her.” 

God's you hope not.

Even if things are worse than ever regarding Din there is one flicker of light in that darkness. Lysa got Elaine out. Knowing that almost puts you at ease.

“Happy coronation day.” You actually manage a smile when you look at your husband, it’s weak but it’s genuine. You want to be mad that they didn’t help Din escape but you just can’t be. You know they most likely tried but if the roles had been reversed and you could only get one of them out you wouldn’t hesitate. 

So there is no animosity. Just a flicker of happiness for them.

They got out.

☆

You were under the impression that a coronation was a happy event. Yet when you step out onto the castle steps it seems to be quite the opposite. 

They look miserable. 

All of their faces are sullen and dejected. How shocking, no one is excited about Kodo being crowned king. He didn’t have any of the outside of the castle decorated or made presentable in any way. No one reacts when Kodo reads from an ancient looking book until a crown is placed on his head. 

A moment afterwards you’re instructed to kneel and a tiara is placed onto your head. 

The audience is silent and you feel shame when you stare out at them.

Even if you don’t have very much power you still feel as if you’ve failed them. The feeling follows you when you’re directed to the dining hall with Kodo.

“I have a couple gifts for you, wife.” His twisted smile makes your stomach turn as you enter the dining hall, now decorated with blue and gray banners.  

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, my king, I- I didn’t get you anything.” You feign remorse as you take a sip of the wine in front of you on instinct before spitting it back up into the cup. 

“That’s more than okay, you’re my gift, sweet wife, all mine.” The thought of such a thing makes you sick, you smile despite yourself. 

“That’s very kind.” You’ll only ever be Din’s. No amount of blue fabric and faux smiles can change that. He snaps his fingers and a large box is brought to you by a servant, they set it directly in front of you on the table. You look at Kodo who nods, sitting back in his chair as you stand, the box is wrapped in checkered blue paper, a large bow adorning the top. Your hands tremble a bit as you take hold of the edges of the ribbon, tugging on them until the bow slips free, much to your surprise the entire box falls open, the sides collapsing giving you an immediate view of the contents. 

The silver, shimmering contents. 

Din’s helmet. 

Polished like new, it sits before you, and the room suddenly empties. It’s as if you are completely alone, despite all the eyes that are most definitely pinned on you right now. Your hands continue to shake as your fingers wrap around the beskar steel, like you would when you held Din’s face, lifting it to glare into the visor. 

Empty. 

You can’t help but stare at your own emptiness reflected back at you. 

You want to hold it close, press it to your forehead but you’re snapped back to reality by the grating sound of Kodo’s voice breaking you from your focus on the helm between your hands. 

“That’s only one of your presents, open the next one.” He hisses gleefully. 

You set the helmet down, realizing there was another, much smaller box underneath it. Silently you scoop it up and cradle it in your hands. It’s a larger than a ring box, it just barely fits in your palm as you ever so gently open it, swinging the top open as if it were a tiny treasure chest.              

Huh.

It takes a moment.

You aren’t exactly sure what it is you’re looking at at first but when it registers your entire body tenses up, your grip tightening on the gift box. 

Bloody and pink, a tongue. 

Of course you know better than to assume Kodo would give you any old tongue. This is a special someone’s tongue. 

No, no, no, no, no. 

You had loved his tongue before anything else.

He can’t do this, he cannot do this to you.

You had fallen for his sharp wit first, it was what drew you into him. His sweet words had won you back, his declaration of devotion.

Now you hold all of that in the palm of your hand. 

“What do we say?” His nasally voice breaks through your mental anguish. 

No.

“Come on, where are your manners?”

Please. 

“Thank you.” Your whisper is nearly silent as you struggle to keep down the scream bubbling in your throat.

“What was that?” 

You clear your throat. 

“Thank you.” 

He makes you take it with you. You don’t bother telling him you won’t be attending the coronation ball in a few minutes, it’s not like you’ll be missed. 

In one arm you’re cradling his helmet, in the other the little blue box. 

You set each one down carefully onto the bed, even if it’s a bit demented these are the only parts of him you have left. You stare at the little box. 

You have never been hateful. 

Kodo made you into this. You are full of hate, for most things at this point. You hate your husband, you hate your room, and most of all you hate the little blue box on the bed. 

And the music starts. 

It must be deafening in the hall for you to hear it from your room but it’s there, loud and demanding of your attention. 

You’re moving before you even have a chance to think about it, in a few quick strides you’re standing beside the vanity, your hands gripping the top of the mirror as you pull it down in one swift motion, the contents spill everywhere and the glass shatters in an instant, shards splattering the floor but you take no time to process it. 

You move on to the next thing.

You yank each drawer from the dresser, throwing them to the floor, clothes strewn about until it’s light enough for you to push the entire dresser over. In your frenzy you go about the room toppling every stupid fucking table over. So many fucking end tables in  one room, and you throw everyone to the floor, trinkets and vases clattering to the ground as you destroy the room. You get a rush of adrenaline as you lift one of your nightstands and throw it against the wall leaving a small dent but more importantly the force of it makes anything hanging on the wall tumble to the floor, glass frames shatter. 

Your chest heaves as you stare at the carnage.  

And it isn’t enough.

Your face is wet with tears and your hands with blood from cuts you didn’t feel upon your skin as you tear open the closet door, the pile of blankets mock you from the floor, you grab them, your vision now blurry with tears as you pull them out of the closet, throwing them onto your bedroom floor. When you return to the closet you’re in a frenzy, you tear at the fabric before you, yanking each and every dress off their hangers, ripping what you can.

There is nothing else for you to do, so you destroy everything you can get your hands on until the only thing left untouched is your bed, left in pristine condition as you let out a small sob. 

Maybe you are a hateful person now. 

You feel as though you have every right to be at this point. 

You step over the shard of glass, giving your bloody hands a glance before wiping them on your gown.

Happy coronation day. 

You sit on the bed, your trembling fingers wrap around the helmet, now that you’re alone you waste no time to hold it against you face, until your body just gives up, too tired to stay awake anymore.

☆

A guard wakes you in the morning, knocking on your door, when you answer it they tell you Kodo requires your presence in his chambers.

You dress in a blue gown that you don’t look too closely at. Stopping at the fresher on the way, rinsing the dried gore from your palms, wincing as you clean your wounds. None of which seem too deep. 

You want to cut Kodo’s tongue out, to make him feel it. But you know that sort of thing would be an impossible task. So you daydream about it as you walk. You’re more than displeased when you open the door and are greeted by Leodall. You hadn’t seen him since that night and from the looks of it he wasn’t expecting you. He swallows loudly when you step inside Kodo’s room.

Normally you’d be curious, you’d probably take a look around but your eyes refuse to focus on anything but Leo as you scowl at him. 

“Why’d you do it?” You don’t hesitate to ask, you have no idea how quickly Kodo will be joining you. 

He simply stares at you, shame apparent on his face.

“You owe me an explanation at the very least.” You cross your arms in front of your chest as he clears his throat. 

“I thought he’d reward me.”

You laugh. A harsh dry sound 

“What could he have possibly given you that you couldn’t have just asked me for?” Your gaze never softens and you’re practically seeing red as you stare at him.

“I thought he’d give me a lordship.” 

You can’t help it as another crisp and pained laugh slips past your lips. 

“You thought Kodo would raise your status? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” Is he an idiot? “He doesn’t see servants as people, if you wanted such a thing you could have asked me, maybe I could have done something.” 

A glimmer of something similar to hope flashes through his eyes. 

“Would you- would you consider doing so now?”

“You cannot be serious-” Your expression goes from fury to disbelief as you stand. 

“It seemed worth asking.” He puts his hands up defensively as you storm up to him, poking a finger into his face. 

“You slimy little weasel, it should be you on the chopping block, not him. If it were up to me I’d have them put your head on a spike.” The words pour out of you like venom. 

“I would be nicer to me if I were you.” He sneers and your incredulity only grows. You can’t help it, you scoff in his face. 

“I would rather die.” A part of you really means it. 

“You might if you aren’t careful, I saved your life by letting Elaine and your Mandalorian take the fall, I could have told the king that you were a willing participant. I saw the two of you together, I read your little rules. He never forced himself on you. I wonder what Kodo might think about that.” You aren’t a fighter, you’ve never so much as thrown a punch in your life but you grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him into the wall, the back of his head hits the stone and you don’t feel an ounce of remorse as you do so. 

“Do it.” You tilt your head to the side, almost as if you’re taunting him. “Tell him.” Any of the confidence he briefly had is gone in an instant. “The moment you do I’ll tell him that you’re covering your tracks, and that you made a pass at me. I wonder how Kodo would reward you for trying to touch what’s his?” Leo’s head turns as you both hear Kodo’s piercing voice in the hall. You release your grip on his shirt, brushing off your gown as you turn towards the door. Kodo and three others make their way into the room as Leo coughs behind you. 

“Dear wife, I have another gift for you.” He takes a step to the side, gesturing at a line of three people you don’t give so much as a glance. He doesn’t even seem to notice the obvious tension in the room. “A new staff!”

“I don’t need a new staff, I’m fine on my own.” You abandon the pleasantries. You’re in such a state of upset right now, what's the point? 

“You’re the queen now, staff is required. These three will replace the ones you've lost in a week, until then Leodall will be training them intensively to tend to your every need. Two guards will also be assigned to you but I promise they will be much less loathsome than your Mandalorian.”

All five of them will be trained to keep an eye on you. To report back to Kodo, after everything with Din you should have known he’d keep you on a shorter leash. 

You barely look at them. 

You hate them. 

You shouldn’t, they’ve done nothing wrong, but you hate them. 

You give each one a quick up and down, naming them in your mind. 

A BD-3000 droid commands the most authority just based on how she stands so you mentally note her as Elaine's replacement. You’ll call her new Elaine. 

New Lysa is a pasty young blonde woman with rosy cheeks. You truly wonder how well informed she has been on your circumstance. She’s smiling from ear to ear and seemingly couldn’t be happier to be here. 

And new Leo is somehow even more nervous looking than actual Leo, practically shaking like a leaf at the sight of you. The bags under his eyes are worse than your own. A lanky thing with messy brown hair. 

There’s no reason for you to fight this, Kodo always gets his way so why bother. So you nod. You don’t pretend to be grateful this time, instead you shove your way past all of them, content to return to your room and never leave. 

☆

The morning of the execution comes before you’re ready for it. 

Of course you didn’t sleep last night, how could you?

You dress yourself, apparently your new staff isn’t starting until tomorrow, not that you mind another day to yourself. You manage to find something that isn’t blue, a gray dress trimmed with gold, the closest thing you’ll find to funeral attire. No one else will dress with any respect for him but they can’t stop you. Your vanity is destroyed so you don’t bother with your hair or your makeup, you simply don’t care enough. 

For the most part you feel nothing when you open the door, only emptiness until you look down. 

Someone left you a small vase of flowers. 

You pick them up, taking a closer look but your heart skips a beat when you do so.

Daisies. 

After a few short breaths you throw the vase into the wall across from your door, tiny shards of porcelain fly everywhere as two servants at the end of the hall give you a look of horror. Your shoes crunch over the remains of it as you make your way down the hall and to the entryway of the castle. 

Kodo insists that the two of you get to see him first. 

You’re sweating wildly out on the steps as you wait.

Long before you’re ready for it they bring him out. 

A shivering skeleton of a man with a linen bag over his head, immediately bile rises in your throat. Kodo is grinning ear to ear when his legs are kicked out from under him and he’s forced to kneel.

Kodo himself reaches forward and tears the bag off, too excited for any decorum or finesse. 

You gasp as you stare down at the broken man before you.

In all honesty he isn’t at all what you envisioned. 

His eyes verge on being hazel; they're such a light brown. You’d always pictured them to be nearly black. It doesn’t matter what color they are though, when you see the tears forming in his lash line you flinch, clutching the ring on your necklace to silently let him know silently just how much he means to you. 

He’s a mess. 

You don’t like looking at what those weeks in the dungeons did to him and the last thing you need to do right now is empty your stomach on the palace steps. 

He’s too thin. Far, far, too thin, it’s like his entire being has shrunk down. He’s hollow.

Your breath hitches when Kodo grabs a fistful of his dark hair, forcing him to turn and stare at the crowd. They must have cut it while he was down there it’s a mess, jagged edges and shorter than you’re used to. 

“This man has committed an act of treason against the crown.” His voice is loud and booming as the city goes quiet. “For such a crime he shall face the proper punishment.” He yanks him downawards, you watch in horror as Din’s head hits the stone, an incoherent mess of sounds pour from his bloody mouth and you have to look away. 

He didn’t want you to look.

You remind yourself to try and calm your breathing. You can hear the scuffle as they drag him to the guillotine, placing his neck into the wooden divot, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest as you turn to look. His eyes are everywhere but on you as he looks at the people around him, desperately pleading for his life. Not a single person so much as glances at him, afterall, it’s just nonsense, no one can understand him without a tongue. 

You can’t stand it, you almost cover your ears but you manage to resist as Kodo puts an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. 

“You’re welcome, sweet wife.” He whispers, his breath hot and wet against your ear. 

Fuck it. 

You don’t suppress the shudder in your spine as you shoot him a look of disgust. In a matter of moments everything you care about will be gone, why pretend any longer.

A bellowing chime plays from a nearby clock tower and you know it’s time, you straighten up as you stare at the guillotine in abject horror. 

This is it. 

Your chest rises and falls in sharp short bursts as everyone prepares themselves, a hush forming among the crowd on the street. 

And it begins, a chain reaction that you cannot stop now that the executioner has his ax raised above his head.

You had expected more. More time.

A part of you thought that time would slow, that you’d have a chance to stop it. 

But no. 

There is no epic fairy tale moment where the sun glimmers off of the blade and the executioner raises his ax, giving you this perfect moment to run to him, to shield him from the inevitable, to beg them to take you with him. 

That moment never comes. 

You barely have enough time to close your eyes like you promised him. In one unbroken motion the rope is cut, the blade falls and boom. 

Just like that, he’s gone. 

When you hear the metal slicing through the air you squeeze your eyes shut, hearing only the wet crunch as it cuts through flesh and bone. A soft, squishy thud when his head hits the stone. 

In fashion with your decision to no longer hide your disgust from Kodo you vomit. Bending down you puke onto the stones, spraying your own, and Kodo’s feet. The triumphant smile on his face vanishes as he realizes what’s happened. You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand, refusing to look at Din’s limp body as you give Kodo one last look of detestation before turning around and running back into the castle, not caring what anyone thinks anymore.

The moment you’re inside the reality of it all settles in as you feel tears falling wildly as you run up the steps to your room.

☆

You have been good, and kind, and in return the maker rewarded you by killing the love of your life. 

So when you stand in the center of your demolished room you do the only thing your body can do at this point. 

You scream. 

From deep within your stomach, you scream, loud and raw. 

If anything was left unbroken in your room you’d be throwing it at the wall. But there’s nothing so you scream. 

You shriek.

You howl. 

And you wail.

You scream until there is no more noise. Your voice, like the rest of you, gives up. 

You aren’t sure how late it is when you finally stop. You’re tired and it’s dark outside and your throat is raw. 

And you lay on the floor. Because the bed is too big, and too cold, and the closet is so empty. So the only place left to sleep is there. You lay on the floor with no more tears to cry and no more sounds to scream as you stare at your bed, only from this angle can you see a rectangular shape under your bed frame. 

You wipe your nose with a stray piece of fabric before slowly crawling over to it, you sit on the floor and when you retrieve the item a brand new lump forms in your throat as you stare down at the box Din had bought all those days ago at the market. 

Your failsafe. 

With quivering hands you open it, staring into the small space containing a mess of items but what catches your eye is a piece of folded paper with your name on it. You take it between your fingers, opening it, careful to not let your tears fall onto it. 

Sarad’ika,

If you’re reading this then I’m afraid things aren’t going all that well for me. There are plenty of possible reasons as to why I’m no longer with you, but what’s important is that I plan on doing everything in my power to get back to you. There is only one thing in the galaxy that could keep me from your side, and if that is my fate then this box will ensure you’re taken care of. 

The most important thing is for you to get off this planet. I have included a few possible plans for you, do what you have to to survive. Elaine will help you escape. 

You can seek out Greef Karga on Nevarro. Tell him Din Djarin sent you, tell him what’s happened and he will see to it that you are cared for. Explain our circumstances and I am certain he will provide you with safe lodging. 

Tatooine is also an option. You’ll find a Mandalorian there by the name of Boba Fett, he will not turn you away. You will be protected there, if you need to relocate for some reason after that he will help you locate the Mandalorian convert. Show the Mandalorians your ring and you will be cared for the rest of your life, the convert will protect you. 

As an absolute last resort there is a planet located in the Outer Ring called Ossus. There is a school there, taught by a man named Luke Skywalker. I doubt he would be eager to take you in but you must insist. Bring the chainmail, they’ll know who sent you. Take care of each other. 

In this box you will find enough credits to get you off planet and take care of you for several months, a year if you’re frugal, I suggest you take a few jewelry pieces to pawn off for extra credits as well. You will find a small chainmail shirt, and a necklace of mine. 

And lastly you will find your vibroblade. 

Protect yourself. You’re strong, and more than capable of doing so.

I have one request for you, please, I will only ask this one thing of you. 

Be smart. 

You are the smartest and kindest person I have ever had the honor of knowing. Be smart, take care of yourself. If the roles were reversed I know that I would go to extremes to either get you back, or find justice for you. And all I can do is ask that you do not attempt any such thing, the only thing I would ever want for you is safety and happiness. 

So seek those things out. 

Be safe. Be happy.   

I was lucky to know you, and even luckier to be yours. 

an ner kar'taylir darasuum, 

Din

All my love. 

You flip the paper over, desperate for more, more Din, but all you find is scrawled coordinates to each location. Your fingers sift through the items, everything he promised is found inside but you latch onto the blade. Laying back down on the floor you clutch it between your fingers as you think of Din.

Din, who was yours.

Din, who they took from you.

Who Kodo, took from you. 

And your grip on the knife tightens. 

☆

Two guards stand outside your door round the clock now. 

They never follow you or come into your room but they’re there, silently watching as you direct all your anger at your new staff. As promised Leo trained them to be as persistent and infuriating as he was. 

When the two new girls come to fetch you in the morning you can’t help it when you scream at them to leave you alone and to stop trying to clean the ever growing mess of things. 

It doesn’t matter that it isn’t their fault, you can’t stand the sight of anyone. 

All three of them try. New Elaine and Lysa show up three times a day, trying to dress you and squeeze their way past you into the room but after enough shrieking they always leave you be. 

New Leo usually tries once or twice a day, you don’t even look at him. You always stare at the floor, when he tries to speak you give him the same treatment as the girls, screaming at him and slamming the door. 

Why should you let them in? You know what they are. They’re here to spy on you, to be Kodo’s eyes while he’s busy being king. They’re easy to evade. When you leave to fetch yourself food or a book from the library you easily outrun them. The two girls are worse at navigating the castle than you were when you first arrived and new Leo has a bad leg, sometimes he’ll make attempts to limp after you but they’re always unsuccessful. 

You think of nothing, day after day because there is nothing to think about. 

Except for the fact that Kodo took your future away from you. He took everything from you. 

If you thought time was blending before Din’s death nothing could have prepared you for now. You don’t track the days as well, you keep your curtains drawn and only leave when you get hungry or start to think of Din. The last thing you need to do is have another screaming fit so you keep him locked away in your heart, an ache that’s always there that you don’t address. 

One day, in a fit of tears you took your knife and decided on a whim to kill Kodo. You didn’t care about the repercussions at that point you just wanted him to suffer but the moment you opened the door you nearly tripped, stumbling backwards the guards didn’t so much as glance at you. 

Another vase of flowers.

You’re tempted to just kick them down the hall but you can’t help yourself when you lean down to pick them up. 

A bouquet of blue lilies. Your nose twitches at the sight of them, out of the corner of your eye you see new Lysa and new Elaine approaching so you take the opportunity to slam the little glass vase into the stone floor. Glaring at them when you do before returning to your room. 

☆

Maybe it’s been three days since Din died. 

Maybe it’s been three months. 

You aren’t sure.

You aren’t sure when you made plans to kill Kodo either but suddenly you have them. A fool proof way to get him alone. 

And suddenly you’re dressed for the first time in, well, however long it’s been. In a baby blue nightie with a robe you march out into the hall. The guards watch in silence as you walk away, your bare feet scampering down the stairs until you find yourself watching the main entrance. Waiting for your loving husband to make his nightly trip to a pleasure house, a trip that is typically accompanied by guards. 

You grip the handle of the knife in your pocket as you wait until you finally hear footsteps approaching. 

“Kodo, honey?” You step out from behind the stone column, holding your robe closed as you bat your eyelashes at him. He stumbles around drunkenly until his eyes focus on you. 

You’ve only used your voice for screaming for so long you sound meek, exactly as you want to right now. 

“Wife?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to join me tonight…” You hold a hand out towards him, putting on a sickly sweet tone of innocence. His mouth twists into a grin. 

“I knew you’d come around eventually.”

He doesn’t question where you’re taking him, he simply follows.

What a joke. 

You pull him up the stairs, you know from hide and seek where to find an empty room so you guide him there in calculated silence until he trips a bit, laughing to himself as he stutters.

“I knew if I got rid of the Mandalorian you’d realize how much better I am than him.” The statement doesn’t sit right with you and he can see it on your face, even in his drunken state he can sense your confusion. 

You both stop, you’re above him on the stairs as you turn and stare into his eyes.

“You- you knew?”

He simply nods, that sickening smile of his is plastered on his face. His icy blue eyes shimmer with delight. 

“How long?”

“When Leo told me I remembered everything. That little altercation in the hall when your boy knocked me out came right back to me, from there it wasn’t hard to figure out.” Your eye twitches as he speaks.

He knew you loved him and he took him from you anyway.

Any hesitations you had are gone as you nod, pulling him onward until you reach the large vacant tower room. He’s so drunk you decide to just drop the voice, pointing at a spot on the floor. 

“Lay down.” You mumble, reaching into your pocket once more.

He eagerly does as he’s told, laying down on the cold stone, you take a deep breath, in one swift motion you grab your knife, holding it behind your back as you toss your robe aside. He gives you a toothy grin as you ever so slowly walk to him, standing above him before sitting, straddling his waist. 

You look him up and down, one last time. 

Your loving husband. 

One of his hands plays with the blue lace of your nightie as you collect yourself. You look up at the ceiling briefly. 

I’m sorry. 

Not for Kodo, but for Din. This is exactly what he didn’t want you to do. 

You aren’t a killer. And you aren’t hateful, but a person can only be pushed so far before something breaks. 

Be smart. 

You think of Din’s note one last time before you bring the blade out in front of you and slam the blade into Kodo’s chest. 

He makes a sickly wet sound, coughing as he stares at you in shock.

You remove the knife, the hot steel cauterizes his wounds, there isn’t so much as a drop of blood as your face twists with fury and you bring it down again into his stomach now. 

How dare he look surprised by any of this. 

After what he took from you? He deserves galaxies worse. 

So you remove the knife. 

And you stab him again.

And again,

and again,

and again,

and again,

and again.

Until there is no more shocked look on his face. You don’t have a snarky remark or a statement to commemorate your revenge, you’re all used up at this point, all you have is this, this stabbing motion. 

He didn’t even have a chance to fight back.

You crawl off of his body, sitting on the stones as you toss the knife to the side, waiting for a rush of euphoria. 

But it never comes. 

It doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would. 

Staring down at Kodo’s lifeless body. You let yourself crumble. Collapsing down onto the floor, gasping for air as you sob. 

This was never going to bring him back. 

You lay there on your hands and knees for quite some time, just wailing, because what else are you supposed to do right now? You realize far too late that this was never an act of malice, some demented and shattered part of you thought that this would somehow bring him back, that it would give you peace. 

They won’t execute you. 

You planned this exactly so they wouldn’t.

Kodo didn’t tell anyone about your relationship with Din in much detail, not enough for them to assume that you could be with child. Everyone will assume that it’s Kodo’s. They won’t kill you, they can’t. 

Not if they think you’re carrying Kodo’s child. Now that Kodo’s dead, there’s no one to tell the royal family that you never consummated your marriage, your child is the most well protected person on the planet. The future monarch. It’s almost funny, you haven’t permitted yourself to think about the stirring within you as a child until just now, in this moment of weakness. A child, your child. 

Who will most likely grow up without a mother because of the decisions you've made today.

You bite your fist, swallowing a scream as you sit back on your heels. 

Your child will never know how loved they were. Your little one will never get to sit beside their mother while their father teaches them to sew. You put your head in your hands as you wail, no longer caring who hears. Your fate is sealed, what does it matter? 

You don’t turn when you hear someone coming up the stairs. When they pull you into their arms you try uselessly to shove them away. Your vision is blurry and filled with tears as you stare up at the unfamiliar figure now holding you. They rub your back, drawing swirls and stars against your spine as they pull you closer. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” They mumble into your hair. You dry your eyes hastily on your sleeve, confused by the voice you’re hearing, it’s painfully familiar, on instinct you wrap your arms around their torso, pulling yourself into their lap as you both sit on the floor beside Kodo’s body. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

“I’m- I’m sorry.” You whisper against the stranger's shirt. You knew you weren’t hateful. You’re certain of it now because even though he took quite literally everything from you, you still feel bad when you look at Kodo. 

A large hand cups your face, pulling you back to their chest so you can’t see the corpse anymore. 

“I didn’t mean it- I- I didn’t mean to kill him. Well I did but I just-” You begin to ramble as a fresh flood of tears begin sliding down your cheeks. 

“Hey- hey it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. We gotta get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll take care of this, I’ll fix it.” Their arms tighten around you, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You finally find the courage to look at your companion and it takes a moment for you to even realize who you’re looking at. 

New Leo. 

Why would he help you? You treat him like shit. When you look at him he looks like he’s about to cry and for the first time since Din was taken from you drop the walls you’ve put up and you let yourself feel bad for him. You show an ounce of kindness to him because in all honesty he’s the first person to make you feel safe since the night Din was taken from you. 

A lighthouse while you sail through a storm.

So you hug him. 

You pull yourself closer to him and you offer him a comfort you haven’t known for days.

“I’m sorry… for all of it, but especially the flowers, I should have told you, I just- you wouldn’t let me and the guards wouldn’t let me in without your permission and you just wouldn’t look at me.” He begins to mumble his own apologies, sending a surge of confusion through you. 

You furrow your brows, pulling back once more giving him a perplexed look as you search his nearly black eyes for some kind of answer. 

And it clicks. 

All at once it snaps into place and you want to say his name, so desperately, but you’re terribly afraid of being wrong. 

And then he smiles. A soft smile that makes you feel okay and you don’t even care if you’re wrong and you don’t care if it doesn’t make sense you just have to ask.

“Din?”

☆

a/n : yeah so uhhhhh yeah uhhhh this is the first chapter i've ever written where im actually very fond of the writing and nervous about the plot stuff so im gonna go hide?? and just vanish for a while lol

//

I don't have a tag list anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates!!

[withahappyrefrain]

Gin & Tonics (and Parking Spots)

Summary: In which Venus finally meets the infamous Dagger Squad. The fourth installment of the Parking Spots universe

Warnings: Language, Venus being Venus, Jake being lovesick, suggestive language, Venus has an actual name but it's only used twice

A sea of khaki that reeked of testosterone everywhere one turned. 

It was Venus' worst nightmare. 

She made her way past the crowd of people, avoiding the stares. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know she stuck out like a sore thumb. A "civilian" is what Jake called it. 

Apparently "not a soldier" was too simple for the military. And "wasn't coerced by a recruiter to sell my soul to the US government" was too long. 

"If you get there before me or Javy, just sit by Penny. She's the owner. You'll like her a lot." 

Venus rolled her eyes at her fiancé, "I like anyone who can make a good drink, Jake." 

Jake smiled before pressing a gentle kiss to her temple, “Y’know what I mean. She’ll look out for you.”

“What can I get you my dear?” Venus looked up to find an older woman behind the bar. 

Her green eyes looked kind. She suddenly understood what Jake meant. 

“I’ll just take a gin and tonic,” She shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to appear indifferent, undeterred by the borderline lewd stares. When getting ready, she thought the yellow dress would be a great choice for meeting Jake’s friends. Not too formal, not too informal. It was flattering, but not too revealing. She even put thought into her hair, opting to style it in waves rather than the natural curls that Jake adored. 

“You wore that on our first date,” Jake said softly, a smile gracing his face. 

She lowered the hanger in surprise, “You remember that?”

“Of course,” he reached a hand out to cup one side of her sweet face, “How could I forget?”

She didn’t account for the fact she would be alone for a bit. No, she was far too busy freaking out about meeting her fiance’s friends for the first time. 

Fuck. 

“They’re gonna love you V.”

Perhaps if she had some experience of being in a serious relationship and meeting their friends, anxiety wouldn’t be coursing through her body. She had met a few friends of the person she was dating before, but it was usually at a party where after introductions, she was left alone to her own devices. 

The idea that someone would want to introduce her to other parts of their life, to become a part of them, was new. That they thought she was important enough to do so. Family? Sure. That was a given. But friends? The people you willingly chose to spend time with?

 A whole different ballpark. Though in this case, perhaps turmac was more fitting. 

“Since you’re new, I’m going to need to see your ID hun,” The woman, presumably Penny, said, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

"Of course," She held her head high as pulled her driver's license from her wallet, ignoring the stares, trying to play off her hands shaking. 

If they wanted her to move, they could fucking ask. 

The bartender, who had to be Penny, looked at the ID, a soft smile forming, “Well Danica, I can see why Jake calls you Venus.”

“You…. know who I am?” Great, there was already a preconceived idea of who she was. Before she even had a chance, her fate was sealed. 

What was she known as? The girl who yelled at Jake in a parking lot? The girl who threw bread rolls at him? 

Penny continued to smile, “Of course! Jake is always excited to show me the latest picture he’s taken of you. The flowers you two got from the farmer’s market are beautiful by the way.”

Heat rushed to her face while recalling last weekend’s adventures. Jake insisted on taking her picture by the flower stand. It was strange at first-still was-how his Instagram that had once been only thirst traps workout pictures were now full of her and their adventures together. 

As much fun as it was going through the older posts and giving him hell about it, she loved looking at the newer photos, the ones that showed their journey together. 

“He’s a good photographer, I’ll give him that,” A small smile began to form on Venus' face, her shoulders visibly relaxing. 

“Don’t give him too much. He needs to be kept on his toes,” Penny laughed in agreement, “I’m Penny by the way. So where is the man of the hour?"

Penny handed her a gin and tonic as she explained, "Had a last minute meeting with Simpson. He should be coming soon, as is the rest of the squad from my understanding." 

Penny raised an eyebrow, "So you finally get to meet them! They have been dying to meet you. Been asking Jake about it for months." 

The grip on her drink tightened. 

Jake had a reputation. And with that reputation, came preconceived notions of what kind of girl he would date. 

Venus was not what people thought of when it came to Jake's ideal type. While his family adored her, they all admitted they were surprised when Jake first called to tell them about the woman he met in a parking lot. Hell, even her family was surprised when she described him. They still adored him, loved him, and insisted on serving a traditionally prepared lechon at the engagement party.

But friends were a whole different breed. One willingly chose to spend time with them. Friends were honest, and more often than not, their opinion was highly valued. 

She had learned that the hard way. 

"I mean, she's nice but do you see it going anywhere? I don't." 

"She's really not your type, man." 

"She's kind of a bitch." 

A soft hand gently laid on top of hers, breaking Venus out of her thoughts. Was it motherly instinct or was her anxiety that plainly written across her face? 

She found Penny smiling, "They're so excited to meet you. They already adore you and ask about you constantly." 

They were looking forward to meeting you, she repeated in her head. That means they want to meet you. Adore is such a specific word, Penny wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true. 

She clung onto Penny's words. They were nuggets of truth, a shield against the negative thoughts that clouded her brain. The evidence that those shitty experiences were in the past, that the situation she was in now was entirely different, was better. 

Her therapist would be so proud. 

A more relaxed, genuine smile appeared on Venus’ face, the first one she could recall occurring since pulling into the parking lot of the Hard Deck. 

“I look forward to meeting everyone. I’ll take another gin and tonic when you get a chance!” 

“I got it covered Penny,” a smooth voice said. She turned around, half expecting (moreso hoping) to see Jake, despite the lack of Texan drawl. 

When she turned around, there was no tall blonde with sparkling emerald green eyes and a smile so white, she could see it from outer space. 

Instead, a Hawaiin shirt so ugly that no Dad at a BBQ would go near greeted her. 

Her lips formed a tight line, her eyes narrowing. It was the same look she wore when dealing with annoying patients or annoying men. 

“Welcome to the Hard Deck,” The man said with a wink. His eyes were nice, but the caterpillar that occupied the space between his nose and upper lip was what she noticed first. 

She recognized him immediately. Jake had given her plenty of information so she could recognize members of the dagger squad. 

Bold of him to assume she would just go up to them. But maybe she could have some fun with this. 

Penny gave her a look, one that silently asked Should I tell him? Venus just shook her head, turning back to face the infamous Bradley Bradshaw. 

“How do you know it’s my first time?” She asked coyly with a raised eyebrow before bringing the drink back to her lips. 

“With a face like that? I wouldn't be able to forget ya." Did he also get his pickup lines from the eighties, in addition to his shirts?

Bradlet leaned against the railing of the bar, bending slightly so they were at eye level, “So what brings you here? Besides fate.” 

Her eyes could not roll any harder. How many more lines would it take before he started singing Jerry Lewis? 

“Well, after hearing about it so much, I just had to see the mustache in person,” She responded, moving her drink to her left hand. 

If there had to be a sound that best represented Bradley’s face, it was a record scratch. The best he could respond with was a very confused “Excuse me?”

“I’ll give you credit, you pull off the look pretty well, despite it consisting of a pornstache and clothes from the part of the eighties that even Stranger Things won’t touch.”

“It’s not….it’s not a pornstache.”

A darked haired woman clad in a khaki uniform nearby snorted. 

Venus grinned, “It is absolutely a pornstache. But some people are into that. I don’t get it, but good for you Rooster.”

Bradley's eyes knitted together in confusion,“Do I…..do I know you?”

"I would hope you know of me. According to Javy, Jake talks about me a lot. Anyways, we should become best friends. Jake’s reaction will be hilarious.”

It was then Bradley finally looked down, seeing the huge emerald ring on her left hand.

And that's when it hit Bradley Bradshaw like a fucking train. 

"You're Venus?!" 

It was much louder than she would have liked, the statement causing several people to look at her with curious stares. 

Just play it cool, they all work for the military, you actually do important shit, she told herself over and over again. 

“In the flesh!" She flashed a smile before taking a huge sip of her drink, trying to ignore the fact that another pilot was now approaching her. 

She was going to need another drink to get through this. 

"You're Hangman's girl? The one who told him to fuck off when you first met him?"The dark haired woman asked, practically shoving Bradley out of the way. 

The infamous Venus shrugged, "I didn't exactly tell him to fuck off. I told him it made no sense why he could fly million-dollar jets but was a shit driver. Phoenix?" 

Natasha nodded, “Glad he’s no longer hiding you. I’ve been telling him to bring you around ever since he arrived late to a debriefing with hearts in his eyes as he talked about a woman who referred to him as Hangnail.” 

The comment brough relief. At least one person liked her, at least one person wanted to get to know her. 

Natasha grabbed her arm, “Come on. The rest of the gang is going to lose their minds when they learn you’re finally here.”

Through the throngs of pilots, Natasha led her to a table filled with other men who all looked vaguely familiar. The tight lipped smile remained on her face as she straightened her shoulders, ready to face the (multiple) men of the hour. 

“Hey guys, guess who I met?”

“V! You made it!” Before she could say anything, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist, picking her up. 

“Javy, I swear to God if you don’t put me down-” She couldn’t help but laugh. Just like with Jake, Javy had become the older brother Venus never knew she wanted. 

Knowing Javy would be there was what made her feel comfortable enough to arrive without Jake. Winning over your fiancé's best friend was quite the confidence boost.

Maybe it was the fact he actually made an effort to get to know her. Maybe it was the fact he took all her digs about the Saints in stride. But with Jake, the three of them had become a trio and she didn't mind at all. 

"Hey guys! This is Danica! Aka Venus, aka the one who got Jake to settle down!"

"You really know how to build suspense Coyote," Nat deadpanned before taking a seat next to Bob. Javy lowered her down, her feet returning to the ground. 

"You're Venus? The one he proposed to after eight months of dating?" A man with shining brown eyes and energy that could best be described as a golden retriever asked. 

Her features softened as she looked down at her emerald ring,  "When you know, you know. I also take it you're Mickey?"

"Wow, I guess Hangman talks about us more than we thought," Mickey joked, earning the chuckles from others. 

She looked back up, that signature smirk having returned, "We're also having a long engagement, that was my compromise." 

"That's not what he said," Phoenix scoffed, recalling the different potential venues Jake had already shown her. 

She continued fidgeting with her engagement ring. It wasn’t a matter of Venus being unfamiliar to having all eyes on her. But with Jake's friends, it was different. Another layer of being official that she wasn’t used to. 

"Well, you deserve all the drinks for being able to put up with Bagman,” Mickey commented, as if he sensed her nerves.  

“Bagman?” she asked, a mischievous glint forming in her big eyes. 

"It's what we call him when we feel he hasn't earned being called his proper name, which I'm sure as you know, is most of the time," A man with glasses and a thin lopsided smile that was sweeter than sugar explained. 

Her eyes light up, "Oh, I am definitely using that. Also, are you Bob?" 

Without waiting for an answer, she walked over to the bespectacled WSO, “You’re so cute! I’m adopting you.” For added effect, she placed a hand on each of Bob’s cheeks. 

“Does that mean Bagman is my dad?" Bob asked with an almost grimace. 

"Yeah, but I'll make sure he chills out," She reassured him with a soft smile. 

“Wait, she’s actually nice?” Reuben whispered to Natasha and Bradley, “The way Jake describes her-”

“Look, if she can find redeemable qualities in Bagman of all people, she must have a lot going for her,” Natasha interjected. 

As time passed, Venus found herself more and more at ease with the group. Despite having heard so much, they still took the time to ask questions, to get to know her. They wouldn’t only talk about Jake (not that she wanted them to), and they actually tried to include her in the conversation, despite her lack of knowledge about their field. 

It was different. It was nice. 

Once drinks got low, Venus offered to go get the next round. Bradley followed her, still apologizing for the flirting earlier. 

She chuckled, “It’s totally fine. In fact, I think it’s hilarious that you and Bagman have a similar type,” Her eyes narrowed, “Which by the way, I know plenty of cute, spitfire nurses who are single.”

Bradley’s face turned bright red, “I’m uh-I don’t need any help with-”

“Look, I already plan to find Bob's future wife, might as well find yours while I’m at it. There are people out there who are into what you call a mustache,” She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t get it, but I’m willing to find them for you.” 

It was the way she mixed sweetness with snark that confused Bradley, as well as everyone else. 

“Can I ask you something?” Bradley finally asked. 

“I’m not going to tell you his dick size,” A devious smirk adorned her face, causing her to resemble the image the squad had conjured in their minds when Jake first told them how the ‘future Mrs. Seresin’ referred to him as a knockoff Ken doll. 

“That’s not what-”

“But I will say-”

“Please don’t.”

“You could have named him Hungman and it still would have been accurate.”

“I really, really don’t need to hear this.” Bradley’s face was now bright red, whereas the woman next to him casually ordered the next round of beers and a lemon seltzer for Bob with a grin on her face. 

“You’re telling me the men in the navy don’t talk about their dick sizes? Least of all, the person whose call sign means cock?”

“It’s a bird-”

“That also means cock.”

Bradley stared at her, quite frankly afraid that if he said another word, he'd have to hear about Hangman’s dick. 

She stared right back, able to hold off the impromptu staring contest for a few moments before erupting into a fit of giggles.

When Jake first rambled on about the beautiful woman he had met at a coffee shop, who he insisted was his future wife, Bradley (and everyone else) thought the blonde pilot had lost his damn mind. 

But after seeing her truly smile, Bradley could understand why Jake became so smitten. 

“How….do you two work?” It was an honest question. Javy asked the same thing the first time he went out with you and Jake. She even wondered about it herself when they first got together. 

She shrugged, fingers fiddling with Jake’s class ring that was on a silver chain around her neck, “We just….do. He calms me down. I remind him sometimes it’s better to be quiet and just listen. We both make each other smile and laugh. It’s nice. More than nice. It’s wonderful.” 

Bradley noticed what she was fiddling with, "So that’s where it went.”

“He has a ring of mine that he wears with his dog tags. We traded before he went on deployment.” She shrugged again, as if to suggest it wasn’t a big deal. 

The soft smile on her face suggested the exact opposite. 

Bradley grinned, “Do you know he also wears one of your hair ties around his wrist?”

Her smile only continued to grow, "He says the more pieces he has of me on him, the luckier he is in the sky."  

Truthfully, Venus wasn't sure what to expect when she began dating Jake. Certainly not him being such a romantic. It was strange at first. Why would someone go through so much effort to bring flowers, to make dinner reservations, to plan dates when they already had you?

When Jake scoffed at the very idea of not needing to impress it was the first time she truly reflected on previous relationships and just how shitty they were. 

"Baby, they were awful," Jake pressed a chaste kiss to her shoulder, "You deserve so much more than what you've gotten." 

A hand on your shoulder broke you out of your thoughts. 

"I think I just saw that Jeep Wrangler you love so much just pulled up," Natasha teased. 

She rolled your eyes, despite a small smile remaining as you shook your head, "I hate that fucking car." 

"I'm glad someone else agr-"

"Bradshaw, don't get me started on your car choices." Her eyes narrowed as she shot him a look. 

Only she got to insult that hideous car. 

Bradley promptly closed his mouth, not wanting to face her infamous wrath. 

He was still reeling from the Pornstache comment. 

So instead, he simply helped her carry the round of drinks back to the rest of the squad. 

"So Venus, what does the woman who made Jake Seresin lovesick do?" Payback asked. 

"I'm a level three neonatal nurse at the local hospital," she explained, "Which is partly why it's been so hard to meet y'all. My schedule can be pretty irregular." 

The table was quiet as they processed this new piece of information. When they first heard about her, they couldn't help but imagine a cutthroat business woman, a manager, a consultant. 

Not a nurse. Particularly one who dealt with children. 

"So you um, you-" 

She set her glass down with force, "I do not play with babies and change diapers all day. My job is to keep premature babies alive and ensure they're able to go home with their family and live as healthy of a life as possible." 

Her voice was tense, no doubt due to past dismissive comments regarding her job. 

Bob shifted closer to her, "I think that's amazing. One of my sister's kids was born at 28 weeks and she still swears to this day that if it weren't for y'all, she would not have been able to keep it together." 

Her shoulders visibly relaxed as a smile formed on her face, "I like you Bob. I'm going to keep you." 

Mickey spoke up, "Hey, wait a second. My girlfriend Cielo and I have already put in a request to adopt Bob." 

She put an arm around Bob's shoulder, shaking her head, "Nah, I call dibs." 

"We knew him first!" If one didn’t see the gleam of playfulness that laced Mickey’s amber eyes, his tone would sound completely defensive. 

Bob finally spoke up, "Just a friendly reminder that I'm thirty one years old." 

She turned to the soft spoken WSO, "Which is why I am determined to find you your Missus." 

"Get in line, Cielo and I have been working on that." 

Natasha snorted, "We've all been working on that." 

Bob signed, putting a palm to his face. 

"Hey V, I think your man just walked in." Maybe it was fate, maybe the universe took pity on Bob. 

But when Venus looked up upon hearing Reuben's words, her heart skipped a beat. 

There he was. 

Jake was over at the bar, waiting for Penny to take notice of him. No doubt ordering gin and tonic, along with a basket of fries for Venus. He always made sure she had something to snack on. 

"Wanna see something?" She asked the gang. 

Without waiting, she put two fingers to her mouth, a loud whistle coming out. The noise caught the attention of several people, including a blonde man with eyes greener than the emerald that adorned her engagement ring. 

When Jake's eyes met hers, her heart skipped a beat. His eyes lit up, a smile overtaking his face. 

"Hi loverboy," she called out with a wave. Oh she tried to smirk, try to play it off as if she was indifferent to the sight of her fiancé. 

But Danica's eyes told a different story. 

"Venus!" Jake called out, getting even more attention. Not that he noticed. He was too busy practically shoving folks out of the way to get to the table. 

Maybe she picked up her pace to meet Jake. Maybe Jake knocked a drink over as his hands placed themselves underneath her thighs, allowing him to pick her up in one swoop. 

It’s not like either of them were paying attention. 

—-----------------------------------------

To say Jake Seresin was annoyed was an understatement.

His day had started out so well. He got to wake up not on base in a small, old twin bed, but instead in the arms of his fiancé. 

Then he had to go to work. 

Jake loved his job. He was damn good at it- one of the best, in fact. He enjoyed being at work, which was something many couldn't say. 

But not when his job caused him to be late, unable to be with the woman he loved, especially on a night where she needed him the most. 

Normally, she would have already met his friends before Jake proposed to her. But thanks to the nature of his job, which involved spur-of-the-moment missions, he had done things a bit backwards. 

If it weren't for the nature of his job, Venus could have met the squad back when she only had the title of girlfriend. 

Sure, she still would have put pressure on herself, as was in her nature. But decidedly less pressure. 

Jake wanted to be there for her, to reassure her that she was in fact, the most incredible person he had ever met and that his friends would see that immediately. To put a hand on her shoulder whenever he saw that smile begin to fade, self doubt creeping into her mind. 

Which was why he was all but running into the Hard Deck. His meeting with Cyclone lasted much longer than intended. Normally Jake wasn’t super concerned about showing up late to the Hard Deck, but today was the worst day it could happen. 

Deep in his heart, he knew she would be just fine. At worst, she wouldn’t approach the squad until Javy arrived and would stick by Penny. 

Jake just wanted her to feel comfortable, to feel at ease. He wanted to support her, like any decent husband would. 

So yeah, maybe he was taking advantage of his status, knowing that no one would say anything if he pushed past them without a single excuse me. Jake knew his great grandmother was rolling in her grave, but he hoped Mimi would understand all in due time. 

“Hey Penny, have you happened to see an absolute goddess with an affinity for gin and tonics?” Jake asked once he arrived at the front of the bar, ignoring the glares. 

Penny simply smiled, "I think your friends found her. She was also pretty low on her beverage last time I saw her." 

"Well, we can't have that. I'll take a Miller Light, along with a Gin and tonic with a basket of fries." Jake recalled that she had texted him around two that she was on her lunch break. He doubted she had much time, if any, to eat when she got home from work. 

Order fries first, then find the love of his life. 

If only the bar wasn't slammed. 

He was trying his best not to be impatient. It wasn't Penny's fault, the Hard Deck was always like this when a new class arrived to base. 

But damn was it frustrating. The minutes seemed to tick away. Jake looked around, unable to spot his fiancé amidst the sea of khaki. 

Until he heard that whistle. 

He looked around, Bradshaw finally moving his bigass head to reveal the person that made his heart soar. 

She was sitting with the rest of the gang, smiling. She looked at ease, as if she had always been a part of this crew. 

Jake knew this was possible, that she had it in herself to open up and connect, rather than sit at the bar and wait for him to come. 

But sometimes she forgets that she can. 

So when Jake doesn't need to remind her, he can't help but beam. 

"Hi loverboy!" His heart fluttered when she sent him a wink, along with her smirk that he fell in love with the first time he saw (it also made him hard but that's neither here nor there). 

So yes, he did gently push some people out of the way to get to the table. And he did knock a drink over when he went to pick her up. But in Jake's defense, he hadn't seen her since seven-thirty in the morning and it was only Bradley's drink. 

"Hi baby," He said as he pressed his lips to her cheek. 

She rolled her eyes, though the smile still remained on her face, "You act like you haven't seen me in forever."

"Because I haven't," Jake murmured against her skin, "It's been ten hours." 

"Ten hours?" She repeated, her tone teasing, "You're incorrigible." 

"I don't know what that means, but thanks V," He said before pressing his lips against hers.  

Before Jake, she wasn't used to PDA. It wasn't a matter of not desiring it, she did. But none of her past relationships were into it, so it wasn't something she pursued. 

And then she met Jake. Jake, who would just grab her hand without saying anything. Jake, whose natural inclination was to wrap his arms around her. Jake, who would make the effort to kiss her, even if he was just passing by to get a drink or to unload the dishwasher. 

She liked it. She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face as his lips moved to her nose, then forehead. 

"Can you put me down? You're looking a little desperate GI Joe," She teased, quickly placing a chaste kiss on his jawline. 

"You like it," He whispered in her ear, gently setting her back down. 

"Debatable," She rolled her eyes, trying to fight back a smile as Jake pressed another kiss against her cheek. 

"Debatable?" He questioned, "The ring on your left hand says otherwise sweetheart." 

Venus looked down at the ring, "I guess." 

"You guess?" Jake hummed, his arms now wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on top of her head. 

The noise and chatter of the Hard Deck slipped away when she looked up, meeting his emerald eyes. She bit her lower lip, trying to hold back a lovesick smile. 

It was no use, as it came out anyway. 

"Oh my God they're adorable," Bradley whispered to Natasha, stunned. 

"What the hell is happening?" Natasha whispered back, equally as stunned. 

"I think they're…in love?" Mickey didn't sound too sure of himself, if at all. 

"Of course they are, is it not obvious?" Bob practically scoffed. 

"Careful," Natasha teased, elbowing Bob playfully, "Think she still wants to adopt you. Remember who your dad would be." 

—------

The rest of the night wasn't anything unusual, save for Natasha, Bradley, Mickey, and Bob asking Venus questions while Jake, Javy, and Reuben played a round of pool. 

"So he listens when you tell him to shut up? Like deadass?" Mickey asked. 

She raised an eyebrow, "He listens to me regardless of what I say." 

"I don't believe it," Bradley started, "We can barely get him to listen to us and-" 

"Hey Jake?" Venus called out, remaining in her seat. 

Jake looked up from the angling his pool cue, his eyes lightening up when they met hers, "What's up darling?" 

"Do you think Sammy and Jess deserved to win Love Island?" Bradley couldn't help but scoff at Venus' question, there was no way- 

"Jess did, because she had the best personality of that season and was actually likable. She would have won regardless of who she coupled up with," Jake explained as he briefly looked back to his aim, "Unfortunately she was stuck on Sammy, who did not deserve to win, dude's a fuckboy if I've ever seen one. Is your drink empty?" 

The squad wasn't sure what was more shocking, the fact Jake had been able to make a perfect shot without looking again, or how focused he was on another person's needs. 

Venus, oblivious to this confusion, raised her empty drink, "I am! Can you get me another gin and tonic please?" 

Jake immediately set his pool stick down, ignoring the confused cries of Javy and Reuben as he went to Venus to give her a kiss on the cheek and pick up her glass. 

"What did you just do?" Mickey asked as soon as Jake headed over to the bar. 

Venus shrugged, "I asked him for another drink. I got his last drink, it's only fair." 

"But he was in a middle of a game-" 

"The less you think about it, the less confused you'll be," Javy explained, cutting off Reuben. 

Javy had long since learned that Jake's focus was now all things Venus. He was pretty sure once Venus became pregnant, she would be able to pry Jake away from a Texas football game. 

"How do you get him to listen to you?" Bradley asked, stunned. 

"I love her," Jake scoffed because wasn't it obvious? The only people who didn't seem confused by all this were Javy and Bob. 

Jake now understood why Venus wanted to adopt the bespectacled WSO. 

"So what are we? Chopped liver?" Natasha remarked, a teasing glint in her eyes.

"He just loves y'all a little less," Venus teased, taking her drink from Jake's hands. 

Bradley scoffed, "Dude, I was your bunkmate." 

"Yeah but did you give him blowjobs frequently?" Venus asked, unaffected by the number of aviators who nearly choked on their drinks. Jake could feel the tops of cheek heat up. 

"Well, depended on-" Bradley started, much to the delightful shrieks of Natasha, Javy, and Reuben. 

"Alright, it's time for us to go pick a new song," Jake stated loudly, practically pushing his fiancé to the jukebox. 

"You're finishing that story later!" Venus called out, pointing to Bradley. 

"Only if you convince him not to play Free Rider!" Bradley called back.

Jake dragged away his fiancé, who was now laughing at the antics of his coworkers. 

He couldn't help but smile at the sight. She was beautiful like this; eyes squinting, cheeks round as she smiled, skin glowing,  not having a care in the world. 

Jake would do anything to keep that smile on her face. 

"I get to pick," She said, taking the quarter out of Jake's hand. 

"Why do you get to pick?" Jake teased before placing a kiss against her temple. 

"Because it's my first time here," she started, because wasn't it obvious? "Plus, I want Bradshaw to finish the story."

"You're really about to give Bradshaw what he wants?" Jake put his hand over his heart, "V, that's the most offensive thing you've said to me." 

Venus simply raised an eyebrow as she scoffed, "That's the most offensive thing I've said to you? Compared to all the other stuff? Compared to what I said when we first met?" 

"I thought it was charming," Jake was completely sincere, which Venus didn't know if she should find that cute or concerning. 

"I think you liked being called a Ken doll," she muttered, looking through the list of songs. 

Jake wrapped his arms around her waist, nestling his head on her shoulder, "I liked the woman who called me a Ken doll. So much so, I plan to marry her." 

Her teeth tugged her bottom lip, a tall-tale sign that she was flustered. She didn't blush, but Jake had learned the signs; she would bite her lip, her lashes would flutter. Her hand that wasn't pressing buttons on the jukebox drummed against the machine, looking for something to do. 

"I love you," he whispered. The declaration made her head turn, allowing Jake to steal a kiss. 

"Could have just asked."

"Where's the fun in that?" He pressed his lips against a heated cheek, leaving tiny kisses. 

Her eyes softened upon looking up at Jake, "How did the meeting go?" 

He squeezed the soft flesh of her hip, "Cyclone thinks I have a decent shot at the instructor position. And that I would be a good fit." 

The statement caused her eyes to light up. Jake could see that she was trying to hold herself back, trying not to get her hopes up. 

"So he'll write you a letter of recommendation?" 

He grinned, showing off his pristinely (and blindingly) white teeth, "Him and Mav." 

"We stan a short king." She said it half in jest, purely to see Jake's brows knit together in confusion, the five year age difference showing. 

"Is that a Tik Tok reference?" 

She stifled a giggle as she shook her head, "No. But you're getting there!" 

"You make me feel so old," Jake sighed. He thought he was doing so well, until Venus informed him that Instagram reels were just Tik Tok videos shown two weeks later. 

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, "So you think you have a shot at it? The position?" 

Before meeting her, Jake would have scoffed at the suggestion he wouldn't get something. He knows who he is, what he's capable of. 

But he doesn't want to let her down. To disappoint her. They both know what this position would entail; permanence. Not having to be deployed on missions. Not having to be away from her for months at a time. The ability to settle down with her. 

"I think so. Cyclone says I have the track record to prove I know the material and I now have the temperance to show I can teach it well." 

She grinned, "that's the most polite way to say you're no longer a cocky asshole." 

Jake wiggled his eyebrows, eliciting another soft giggle from her. 

"Are you sure you're okay with this? If you get the position?" She asked, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hide her nerves. 

When Jake first brought up the idea of applying to the instructor position, she thought he was joking. Why would someone give up the chance to travel around the world, playing the role of a real life superhero? 

But then he kept bringing it up, announcing he was going to apply. When questioned, Jake said it was simple.

"Getting that job means I get to stay here, with you." 

That's what he said then and it's what he said now. 

"Besides," he added, "the chances of me becoming an ace are low. I'm more than happy to be the only one with two confirmed kills in my generation." 

Venus' eyes narrowed at him and without breaking eye contact, she pressed a button on the Jukebox. 

The notes of Queen's I Want to Break Free filled the Hard Deck, which was followed by the sounds of the squad clapping and thanking Venus. 

"Babe!" Jake nearly whined, putting his hand on his heart, "Really?!" 

"Oh please, you absolutely deserve that." Venus stated before walking towards the bar. 

Jake all but ran after her, grabbing her closest hand. 

"So is now a bad time to tell you that today I parked within the lines?" 

Venus stopped, her eyes slowly turning towards her fiancé, "Both lines?" 

Jake nodded, a proud, albeit cocky smirk adorning his face. 

She took a step forward, her face now inches apart from Jake's. 

"You know," her voice was low, "If you want me to fuck you, you can just ask." 

Jake visibly gulped, the smirk fading as heat rushed to his face, "I mean I, uh, I always want you to-" 

"Did you take a picture of it? Your parking job?" She rested her chin on Jake's head, wrapping her arms around his waist. To others, the gesture was very sweet. 

But Jake could see the desire in her eyes and it was making his knees weak. 

"It's um, how I parked outside of here-" 

"I want to see it. And then I want to go home and fuck you," with that, she was walking towards the door, her fingers hooking themselves around one of Jake's belt loops to ensure he followed. 

Not that he needed encouragement, he was already trailing right behind her. 

[muniimyg]

1.5: ah, shit 》 series m.list

note: look at me go with the updates :o

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “c2u” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @prdshobi @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main

//

“Stop laughing. This isn’t funny!” 

Jungkook makes a face at you, unable to hold his laughter in. “This is too good. Golden even. I can’t believe my luck today—”

“You know what? Forget about it. My bad,” you mumble, beginning to feel embarrassed.

Jungkook had just entered your bedroom and found you opening a box of condoms. He isn’t too sure why the sight of you doing so was so hilarious, he just knows it is. 

“W-what? No!” Jungkook begins to plead, taking the box of condoms from your hands and putting them aside. “___, of course, I wanna fuck. What kind of fucking idiot do you think I am? And XL? You must’ve thought about me a lot, huh?”

“Fuck you.”

“Sure," he takes this moment in, “is now a good time?”

You cross your arms at him, giving him an annoyed look. “Why are you laughing then?” 

“Because… I didn’t think this would happen again.” Jungkook confesses, a little afraid of your reaction. When to comes to other peoples feelings, you’re not the soft type. Yet, when it comes to your own; you are almost always overly sensitive. He’s learned this about you simply over time. It’s endearing to him and annoying to others.

You shrug at him, taking an article of your clothing off. Tossing it at him, you gesture for him to do the same. He then pulls his sweater over his head and drops it on the ground along with your shirt. Jungkook keeps his eyes on you as you begin to strip more and more. His eyes follow each curve that gets exposed and he can’t help but wonder why his throat is suddenly dry. It’s weird because he swears he’s probably drooling right now. 

When you’re down to just your panties and bra, you take a step towards him. Wrapping your arms around his neck, he gulps as you inch closer to him. You’d be an idiot not to notice his sudden change of stance. 

It’s obvious.

Jungkook has folded. 

“Do you have feelings for me, Jungkook?”

You ask him this calmly.

Your words and the tone you used to ask don’t seem to match. The words itself carry so much possibility of change and chance… Yet, the way you said it was so distant and meaningless. It’s like it wasn’t a big deal. It’s like… It didn’t even matter if he said yes. 

He takes a moment too long to answer. 

“Spit it out, you little shit.”

“N-no,” he attempts to sound convincing. You had already made him a fool once this evening… He wasn’t going to let you have the victory of being a joke to you again. “It’s you. You like me.”

Tilting your head, you pout at him. “Don’t make assumptions. Your ego won’t be able to handle rejection.”

“I’m not assuming and you’re not exactly rejecting me,” he grumbles, feeling defensive. “Just admit it. You’ve wanted me the second we met.”

You wiggle your finger at him. “Stop projecting, pookie bear.”

Jungkook makes a sour face. “Ohh… Yeah, it does sound bad.”

“See?” you laugh, hitting his chest lightly. 

“How about… I stop calling you pookie bear—”

You gasp, “okay! Loving this…”

“When you stop denying—”

In a panic, you interrupt him; “hating it…”

“Come on,” he groans. “You have to admit it. You like me at least a little bit… That’s why you and I fucked a month ago. It was all the built-up tension.” He says it like he knows it in his heart. Like there’s no other answer than what he just stated. For a moment, you believe him. 

Instead, you remember that night and you recall what had led up to it. You had just gotten dumped for the nth time by your shithead of a boyfriend. Jungkook saw you walking home and cheered you up to your apartment. From there, it just happened.

It was so easy.

It felt so effortless and like it was meant to happen. That understanding… Felt weird. You did your best to forget about it and how it made you feel but it takes two to tango and your partner in crime felt differently. Ever since that day, he has not shut the fuck up.

That day, Jungkook found himself in between your legs and you found yourself self-loathing the next morning. It wasn’t in your intentions to use Jungkook the way you did.. But he didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Which brings you to this conclusion:

“What are you trying to get out of me, Jungkook? A confession?”

He shrugs, feeling indifferent. “I’m not demanding anything from you.”

You shake your head at him. “What the fuck? Jungkook, you can’t be my rebound.”

“Why not?” he whines childishly.

“It’s mean.”

Jungkook takes a moment to contemplate. Ultimately, he snaps out of it and brushes his thoughts off as if he didn’t even try to think things through. “It’s okay. I have a crush on you so I’m going into this completely delusional and shit.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you pinch his cheeks. “Can you stop goofing around? Be real. I might be more interested in you if you do.”

He glares at you. 

“Fine,” Jungkook gives in. “I’m just fucking with you. To be honest, I’m just trying to be here for you. As a friend and all… If fucking around is what you need, then so be it. Whatever you want from me, you can have. You just have to ask.”

You purse your lips at him, not buying a single word he offers you. Regardless, you inch closer. Bantering with him is actual agony… But, you can’t resist him. It’s a weird pull he has on you and you rather die than to admit it to him.

Instead, you let your actions speak for you. It’s the most you’ll do in terms of confessing or even processing how you feel about him. All you know and all you want to know is how he feels against, inside, and on top of your body. You your lips on his neck, near his collarbone. At first, you kiss it lightly. Then, as you pull away, you suck on it a bit. Repeating this motion, you work on giving him a hickey. 

“I…”

“You?”

“I wanna fuck.”

Your room looks the same as it did a month ago. He feels so lucky to be here again.. But holy shit; you're a piece of work.

Is he a joke to you? Is that it? Because Jungkook has been in complete distress for a good five minutes now and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Fucking hold still,” Jungkook grunts, as he pins you down. His hands cover your wrist and all you can do is giggle. He does his best to compose himself. If he lets his emotions get in the way, you'll laugh even more.

“I can’t—it’s poking me!” 

He rolls his eyes at you. “It's my dick, ___. Of course, it's gonna feel like that."

"It feels weird,” you giggle. “Why is it so big?”

"Don't call my dick weird.”

You squint at him. “I also called it big.”

“Well, it’s gonna stop being big if you don’t stop fucking laughing at it.”

You tighten your lips. “Sorry, sorry.”

Jungkook takes a deep breath and tries again.

He guides himself between your folds and glances at you to see if you’re behaving any better. Holding in your laughter, you shut your eyes and try to concentrate on how it feels. 

How velvety the skin of his thick, veiny, and hard cock is. How wet the head is. How big it is as he pushes himself inside you. 

You open your eyes and boom. 

There he is.

So handsome and on top of you. His silver neckless dangles in the space between you and him. Your eyes flutter at the way it moves according to his thrusts. It feels like you could go dizzy.

Then, you blink and see him suddenly close his eyes and lean in towards you. Out of an odd relfex, you squirm and let out a loud burst of laughter. 

“What the fuck?” Jungkook cries, completely frustrated with you. “___, are you serious?”

In between laughs, you tell him; “I was trying! But you were leaning in to kiss me and the way you shut your eyes looked so stupid—you look so s-stupid—w-what the fuck?”

Jungkook grips your wrists and puts them above your head. He towers over you even more and the expression on his face is hard to read. He looks angry but not in a scary way. He looks desperate and needy but not in the loser way… He looks insanely hot right now. You feel yourself clench, getting tighter around him. 

“You love fucking with me, don’t you?” he hisses. “Do you want me to fuck you or not?”

You nod in response. 

“Then fucking behave.”

You nod again. 

He shakes his head, dissatisfied with your response. He lets go of your wrists and cups your cheeks together with his one hand. With your lips smushed together, he asks you; “answer me properly.”

“Y-yes,” you murmur, “I’ll behave.”

Cockily, he raises his brow at you. “Good. Now open your mouth.”

You do as he says. He loosens his hold on you, letting you open your mouth on your own. When you do so, you watch him accumulate spit. Quickly, he spits inside your mouth.

You spit it back out at him.

“Sike.”

His own saliva hits his face. Jungkook briefly turns away, biting his inner cheek in annoyance.

“You wanna play fucking games? Fine. Let’s fucking play games.” Jungkook practically growls.

You gulp, trying your best to keep a straight face. It wasn’t funny anymore. Instead, everything was beginning to feel hot and heavy. His cock stays inside you and you can feel him throbbing. You want him to move now. 

Maybe you made the wrong move. 

But it’s too late. 

Jungkook’s mind has been made up and his pride can’t take any more shit you’ve given him all night. Sometimes, you forget how much of a man he is. You’ve only pushed boundaries as friends as a joke… And you barely remember what it was like sleeping with him a month ago… Was he always like this?

You feel sick to your stomach when you realize; you like it. 

The rest of the night continues with Jungkook’s nasty mouth all over your body. It’s like every crevasse was for him to discover and claim as his. He took his time, pumping himself inside you. He took his time even more when he kissed you. 

It was so slow and wet, but with every thrust and kiss—oh, were you fucked out of your mind. 

His hands were all over you. It wasn’t exactly mind-blowing sex but it wasn’t too far from it either. Everything he did just felt so right and that surprised you. Contrary to popular belief; Jungkook was no fuckboy. He simply knew how to fuck.

God bless that fact.

He has always been that silly goofy friend in your circle of people. He has always been kind and a little flirty… But he was also really self-aware and brought a lot of meaning into every friendship. Perhaps, that’s why you ended up turning the other cheek and dating guys opposite of him. 

If you were to be with Jungkook, it would be too real. 

It would be too good and that’s what scared you… 

Ah, shit.

How could you ever get over something this good?

[uselesslexbian]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

[gojo-mochi]

Hi!! I love your writing so much, I'm so excited to have found your blog! :3 If you'd like, may I please request drabbles (or HCs if you prefer!) for Mihawk and Crocodile with a gn!reader, and like a really soft tender moment where they just get a break from everything and get to cuddle or just enjoy each other's company peacefully? Thank you so much!!

Soft Moments w/ Crocodile and Mihawk

A/N: EEEEEEeee thank you for being my very first request!!, I’m not that good at writing gn!reader I think but I’ll try my best! ૮₍っ ̫ •̥⸝⸝ ₎ა

Content Warning: Fluff. NonProof-read.

Crocodile:

It was meetings after meetings, Crocodile was gone or busy for most of the week, dealing with different types of idiots.

It's like the Grand Line keeps spawning a new type of stupid every day, I swear." Crocodile growled, plopping down on the couch. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to alleviate the headache he is having. You sat down next to him, placing a glass of water on the table in front of you. Patting his knee in solace. "It’s alright now, dear; let’s just forget about them, hmm?" You cooed, motioning for him to drink some water as well.

He sighs, grabbing the glass and chugging all its contents in one swig. Placing it back on the table, he turns to look at you with a softened expression, arms curling around your back and under your knee. Crocodiles picks you up and gently places you on his lap. Your own arms go to loop around his neck, cuddling in closer. Crocodile leans back on the couch with you in his arms, rubbing small circles on your back and planting light kisses on your forehead.

"Am glad you’re here…" He said,  voice muffled by your hair. You giggled at that, turning your head slightly to give a kiss back. "I’ll always be here for you, you know that."

He gave a small squeeze in response, and the both of you just stayed there for a while, in each other’s arms. You soon heard a light snoring coming from above you. Crocodile was slumped over, cheek pressed against your hair, mouth open to produce the light snoring you heard before. You smiled at the sight, letting out a small laugh, ‘I wonder what those idiots would think if they saw you like this.’ You thought in your head.

You pivoted around slowly, putting your hand on Crocodile’s shoulder, trying to guide him down to lay fully on the couch. He mumbled something as he sank down onto the couch, making sure to pull you along with him. You shifted around some more until you were more comfortable. Now laying on top of Crocodile, his arms snaked tightly around you, you sigh contently, drifting off into your slumber.

Mihawk:

You were both in the library, reading your own choice of literature. Your legs sat upon Mihawk’s lap; you were reading a mystery novel full of twists and turns that made you "Ooh" and "Ahh" out loud at certain passages. You gasped particularly loudly at a scene where the true killer was revealed. Mihawk smiled at your antics, watching you with piercing golden eyes. "Oh my! I knew it was the maid all along!" You snapped your fingers at the book, almost vibrating with excitement.

Mihawk raised an eyebrow at you. "If I recall correctly, earlier you said the killer ‘Had to be the gardener’ no?" He asked with a small smirk tugging on the side of his lips. You blushed a bit and huffed out, "I was just kidding… I always knew it was the maid, just keeping you on your toes, alright?".

Mihawk sends you a look, which you return by sticking out your tongue at him. He doesn’t try to hide his laugh now, openly chuckling at your cuteness.

 "If you are done with your reading, come closer; I wish to embrace you."

The way he said it so casually made your heart skip a couple beats. You scoot closer to him, fully nestling down on his lap, head tucked beneath his chin. He rested a hand on your waist, softly rubbing circles on your hip, while the other carried the current book he was still reading. You peer over to take a look at the book’s content. "So, what’cha reading there?" You asked, trying to skim the page he was on.

 He hummed, angling the book so you could get a better view, "A romance novel, quite intriguing so far." He answered, "Would you like to read it together?".

"Only if I could do voices for the characters." You jested. Mihawk let out a snort at that but nodded nonetheless. Shifting you closer to his chest, Mihawk began to read the first line of the page. You follow in kind, making sure to do perfect voices for each character you come across. Mihawk tried to do a voice for a drunkard that appeared, by mimicking a certain red haired emperor. It almost made you fall off the couch if his arm wasn’t secured around your waist.

You spent the rest of the day in each other's arms, just like this, in your own little romance world.

[itstimetojellyfish]

Hello! I hope your day is going well! Could I request a angst/comfort Jiyan x reader, where Jiyan has been away on the battlefield for months. The reader is feeling extremely lonely, and when Jiyan surprises the reader with his return, he's very gentle and wholesome with them. Thank you very much! I hope this wasn't too vague.

LETS GOOOOO!!!!! Now imma go suffer and try find a picture that actually fits . Thanks !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Missing you.( Im back) Jiyan x reader

It’s been so long since you’ve last seen your lover’s face .

The mission was only supposed to be a week , but now it’s been months .

You really miss your overworked lover… as exhausted as he can be , you vowed you would take care of him anyways .

( You forgot to protect and nurture your own heart as well)

Now you’re on the bed , just praying to see a glimpse of teal to just give you a bit of hope that your lover’s coming back from the battlefield . Then you can take care of his weary bones and make sure he feels loved.

You stare at the ceiling , trying to recall what Jiyan looks like….

Sharp features…

Amber eyes…

Teal hair….

You forgot the rest………..

YOU FORGOT THE REST.

How could you?! That was utterly ridiculous! To forget what your lover looks like?!

But unfortunately, it was true , it’s been so long …. That you can’t even remember what he looks like , only colors , you couldn’t even describe his outfit.

As you realize how useless you are you start to hiccup and cry because you didn’t think you’d be so incompetent to the point where you forgot your lover…

Before your thoughts can spiral any further down the hole of despair, something moved around , you were pretty sure no one was supposed to be up at like , 1:47 am ….

You take a robe from the closet and put it on before opening the window and peeking outside , you couldn’t see anything , the usual , grass , trees, and the midnight general , and the city-

THE MIDNIGHT GENERAL?!

You whip your head to the side to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, only to find out you probably were since he wasn’t there…

You turn around to get back in bed but to your surprise , before you can even twist your upper torso to the side , long , warm arms wrap around your waist and coddle you gently .

You manage to turn around and come face to face with your lover .

He ‘s back

Sharp eyes , the color of molten lava , look at your figure slowly , his eyes trailing up and down as he makes sure you haven’t malnourished yourself in the months that he was gone.

You stare at him dumbfounded as you realize he’s actually back and not some stupid hallucination you have .

As he looks over you , he sees the dark , semicircles punched underneath your eyes. He rubs a thumb over them before saying .

“ You didn’t sleep , did you? Were you worrying about me?” He kisses your forehead before lifting you in a bridal carry and placing you in bed

You respond in a meek tone ,” Yes… I was worried okay?! You told me it was only supposed to be 2 weeks! It’s been 5 months.”

He stares at you as tears well up in your eyes , and then gently kisses them away , hugging your smaller frame as he replies with “ I’m sorry .. the Tacet Discord waves were getting bigger and bigger..”

He looks at you for a moment , then asks you ,” How about I run us both a bath , you let me take care of you as a reward for waiting for me , and I’ll sleep with you as my reward , alright?”

You stare at him and bite your lip for a few seconds before nodding and looking up at him , eyes softening.

He gives you a sweet smile before going to the bathroom and starts to run the bath , you could hear the water gently splashing on top of itself.

He then goes to the closet and pulls out soft , silk robes for you two to wear after the bath is done .

When the bath is filled with warm water, he gently picks you up and puts you in the bath , the water overlapping .

After the bath is done and both of you are throughly satisfied, he lays you on the bed and sits on the edge .

You cling onto him before letting go and patting your side , silently asking him to get in bed with you so you both can sleep.

He slips into bed with you and gently plays with your hair as one arm wraps around you and holds you flush to his chest , reassuring you that he’s here and breathing in one piece .

Soon your eyes begin to close , but before they do you say ,” Love you ,Jiyan..”

You were too drowsy to hear the response from him , but you knew that he loved you anyways no matter what and would return to you .

He smiles when he hears what you say , and then kisses your forehead, replying with .

“ I love you too,goodnight,my dear moon.”

[vampiretendencies]

hi love :) idk if you’d be comfortable with this, and it’s totally okay if not ! i was just thinking about something where the reader is pregnant and jj is all protective over her, comforts her when sad, gets her the things shes craving, stuff like that ! can’t wait for your next post <3

warnings; fluff, talks of pregnancy

pairing; dadtobe!jj x pregnant!fem!reader

notes; i am 1,000 percent comfortable with this, and i secretly always hoped i’d get a request like this cause it’s dad jj what’s not to love. in fact, send in as many as possible before requests close. hope you enjoy this little blurb i put together.

Your bare seven month pregnant belly is prominently showing past the linen sheets. It’s round and plump and everything JJ could’ve dreamt it would’ve been. So much so, he finds you an intense amount more attractive pregnant. Just something about you carrying his child made his mind do cartwheels and numerous tricks, and he’s reminded every time he sees the silky stretch of your stomach. Drove him absolutely senile.

Occasionally he’ll walk by you, taking in the bump forgetting that it’s there— only to fall weak in the knees all over again. ‘Shit, yeah she’s definitely pregnant still.’ Thoughts similar to those encapsulate his mind in a manner of just hopelessly desiring for the moment to come.

Ready to give the little being, all of the excess love he had to spare— the love he never got as a child.

He’s sauntering exhaustedly about the bedroom searching for his work pants, he was anyway. Now, he can’t help but bore gawkingly at his pregnant girlfriend. Hair every which way, dribble of drool leaving from your parted mouth, sun peeking through the blinds accentuating every angle. There he stood in nothing but his boxers still thinking you were as alluring as could be.

He’s snapped from his staring trance, upon tripping not even recalling that he’d begun prancing around again because he’s relishing in sheer elation. And there they were— the Goddamn work pants. And there you were stirring from sleep, a thud as echoing as that could not be unheard. Scrambling from the floor, briefly like it never happened.

‘Shit,’ it stings past his lips, silently cursing himself. His main concern is if he’s caused you and the baby to wake up. If he’s interrupted your oh so sweet slumber, or if somehow his fall would make the baby fall too. You weren’t sure where JJ studied baby logic from, but it’s pushed him into a insanity state of overprotectiveness. Not annoying though— any instinct of a true father that worries for the health or his baby and his lover more than his own.

It’s then that he’s hovering over you, one fist digging desperately into the sultry mattress by your resting head. The other, rubbing soothing circles over your cheek bone at the glint in your eye. He merely wishes to crawl back into bed, and rot there with you for eternity.

“How’d you fall this time?”

Your sleep ridden voice encapsulates his slouching over figure, and his grin is toothy sharing gaze with you. Pleased that you were the one baring his child, along with taking note that he needed to stop being so fucking clumsy.

“Damn work pants, baby.”

“Why aren’t you at work yet, J?”

“Couldn’t find em’.”

JJ has excess time to spare before work, though what you don’t know won’t hurt you. His coddling intentions are tenfold this morning, he subsequently couldn’t compensate for going to work today— not when you look like this, and not when he has his little angel to console every waking minute. You are loss for words at your dopey boyfriend.

JJ lowers himself, towards your lips. His sinewy muscles bulging in intricacy as his weight is held in one arm, large hand now cupping your cheek with everlasting touch. He’s about to butter you up, like a freshly toasted golden brown piece of bread with the creamiest butter to exist.

His lips coat yours slowly, humming into it with remedy. Aiming for it to be sloppy, and as lovingly-long as could be. You kiss back— hands finding the tufts of hair at the back of his neck in sovereignty. It’s powerful, useful, but it’s not enough to get JJ through the day.

“Was thinkin’-“ Kiss.

“About …” Kiss.

“Stayin’ home today …” Kiss.

Every one just as breathless as the last.

“You can’t, JJ.”

Nevertheless, he’s just as careless mouth leaving your lips empty only to travel in a downward spiral. Your collar bone, your chest, and your stomach. Leaving a trail of heavenly kisses, paying extra careful attention to the belly that’s beneath his lips. Three extra pecks are given— representing an ‘I love you’.

“I’ll just pick up an extra shift tomorrow, baby.”

“But we still have to buy-“

“Shh. Leave the worrying to me, okay?”

You grin back at him sleepily and wholeheartedly, rubbing your palm over the tainted skin of your better. A grumble or two settling in, the baby having your appetite unquenchable.

So full of love you can barely take it.

“I want waffles … with those little chocolate chips! F-from the bakery down the road!”

“As many as you want, pretty girl … whatever you want.”

He could be diagnosed with being lovesick, hovering over you again as if you were bound to shatter.

[the-kr8tor]

Part two of older Hobie! x Older reader:

Warning, I'm mean.

There are pictures of you all over, he smiles as he recognizes you through all of them. You're so beautiful to him, even as you aged you hadn't lost any beauty. Only getting more mature and always looking back at him with love and a kindness he can't begin to describe, a kindness he hadn't had most of his life. The only thing he had been awarded for living a tough life had been you, and what a reward you were.

He walked alongside the small room, the flowers smelled great. They were your favourite, he recognized them just at the scent even if he forgets the name. He starts to look around the room, wondering if you'll come out soon. Where were you? Where was his dove? He needs to tell you about today, how lovely everything is. He wanted to give you a kiss and an I love you. He couldn't hold your hand as well as he used to, his hands now shaking a bit but he'd still find every way to do it.

He walks a bit closer, wondering why the room is empty exception from him. He looks at the box in front of him, standing over it with a curiosity he's always had. He freezes and looks down at you, how pretty you looked, he chokes back sobs as he recognizes you, his mind fuzzy. Where is he.

You look so old now, beautiful but tired. He rests his hand on your cold face as tears flow down his face, seeping into his wrinkles.

"When'd you get 'ere dove? Oh love...when'd you die? Who put you 'ere...that ain't right. This isn't right at all"

He remembers you breathing and alive, but now he isn't so sure anymore. When had your skin grown cold, when had the blood stop flowing through you, when had your eyes went extinct? Had he been there? He can't recall and he can only cry at the sight, his heart clenching as he holds a shaky hand over his heart.

He had grown old without you, actually you had grown old together, not that he remembered currently. He could only mourn the loss of his life, the loss of his past, present and future. All the flowers in the world couldn't hold a candle to you even when you were encircled with them. Above you stands a plaque, your name, when and how you died. He stares at it in confusion, behind the door silent tears fall as three younger adults watch their father. All of them mourn two things that day: your loss and your Hobie's loss. Two love birds who can no longer sing and fly together. One now long departed and left the other to drift in the deep and quiet halls of memory.

His tears fall into the coffin, he doesn't remember who else is meant to be there but why is the room so empty. He feels it's unjust, you would've deserved to be loved. Where are all your friends? Your family, his family? He cries as his brain asks itself the same question over and over again, failing to break he cycle with his feeble memory. Before he feels an arm wrap around his own, guiding him outside. They seem kind, his mind drifts to how you used to do the same. Oh where you again? You must be at home, that's right, you were always at home. The place he knew and loved, because it had you in it. He smiles, forgetting how to cry and what he's lost as he thinks of what he thinks awaits for him back home. The person holding his arm sobbing as they wipe away their tears, if only their dad recognized them. To him home had been you, so where would he go now. His smile is accompanied by the pain he cannot show as his kid which he doesn't recognize as leads them to his car. What had been his car. It smells like you, how wonderful. Your perfume lingers, he can't wait to go back home and tell you about his day.

-🪦 NOW. YOU A S K E D. and I am providing, so shoo no witch hunt 😚/j

OH MY FUCKING GOD AND HERE I THOUGHT IT WOULDN'T BE THAT SAD 😭😭😭

Funny enough (it's not) when one bird from a pair of lovebirds die, one soon follows so with that in mind I shall jump off a cliff brb

THE LAST FUCKING LINE GAHHHHHHH PUNCHING A WALL TO FEEL MANLY AGAIN

[findingnemosworld]

𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 - 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐬

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲: 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬

(𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭)

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐛𝐲, 𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝. (𝐨𝐫, … 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫)

𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐞, 𝐡𝐢 … 𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐞.

You never forget your first love … ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

Love is a double edged sword, and in her case, she'd gotten the sharpest edge -once, so in love and elated to be with him- promised a lifetime of elation and love, only to lose him in the span of months due to life and his ever growing passion of football, a promise to stay in touch had been broken five months into their mutual correspondents, folding their chapter behind them to move forward in life, not once believing that fate would bring them back, until ...

"Y/N? ... Y/N, yoohooo Y/N???"

She was in the midst of working on her latest commission when the sound of her best friend and gallery owner Elizabeth interrupted her thoughts, "Hey Liz, what's up?"

Elizabeth chuckles, "I was about to ask you the same thing!" she gestured to her. "You seemed lost in your own world up there!"

She chuckles as well, "Yeah ... yeah, I was, wasn't I?" she paused for a moment, 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐼 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟? ... she wonders, "I was just ..." she began.

"Thinking about him?" Elizabeth asks with a knowing look, "You seem to forget I was there when you two first met."

Y/N smiles sadly, recalling their first encounter -twenty years ago, she was an up and coming artist, tasked with the golden opportunity of painting a mural of the then newly crowned premier league champions, Liverpool- and through said opportunity, she met the club's golden boy, El Niño - Fernando Torres.

The pair bonded almost instantly over their love for football as well as music, and what started as a strictly platnoic friendship had resulted in a few dates here and there which eventually lead to a whirlwind romance that lasted for about seven years until his eventual departure to Italy, where the pair had agreed to become friends albeit that didn't last as they've lost touch with Fernando finding love elswhere, as she did as well.

"You know ..." Elizabeth began with a soft tone. "He was named as one of the legends set to play in the upcoming game!"

Y/N's eyes widened, "Oh?"

"Yeah ... and it gets better!" Elizabeth adds on.

"What?" she retorts with an arched brow.

"He called ... and asked about you." Elizabeth said.

Her heart leapt at the mere notion that nearly twenty years later, he still remembers her. "He- He did?" she wonders with a croaked voice.

"Uh huh ... and on top of that, he gifted us with two tickets." Elizabeth adds on.

"He ... wait a minute, you can't be serious?" she said, stunned by the revelation.

Elizabeth waves the two tickets and says, "Oh but I am ... next week, we will be seated in Anfield, cheering the love of your life ..." she states with a playful tone.

"ELIZABETH!" she groans.

Elizabeth laughs, "Don't you ELIZABETH! me, missy ... you and I both know that despite that shitty marriage you had with Manuel, your heart has been and always will be occupied by one Fernando José Torres Sanz."

"Ok, first off ... that was weird with the full name, and second ... he's probably doing this as a cordial attempt to be friendly and polite, surely he's not in love with me." Y/N waved off the notion in of it self, there was no way he was still in love with her. "Besides, isn't he still married?"

"Actually not, he is a proud single dad to a boy and girl." Elizabeth said, "Apparently he and his wifey called it quits three years ago."

Y/N shot her a deadpan look, "You stalked his social media, didn't you?"

"A little!" Elizabeth shrugs with a grin.

"Idiot!" she grumbles. "Fine ... I guess we're going to the legends game, but there is just no way, absolutely no way that he still remembers me."

Oh but he does, he does remember her.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

To say that he was elated by the offer would be an understatement, he hadn't stepped onto a pitch in over five years since his retirement, content with closing his chapter to focus on helping the younger generation of his boyhood club achieve similar heights, the propsect of playing again seemed far too foreign until the opportunity of partaking in a charity match had landed, and well ... who was he to say no? a return to the very club he remembers fondly was a given at this point, however that was only part of why he had accepted, the other part of the reason being her.

His first love, his first heartache and -the one that got away- that's not to say he didn't love Mariana, his wife as she'd given him Federico and Gabriella, his pride and joy, yet Y/N ...

The vibrant artist, the one that managed to effortlessly capture his heart without even trying, their seven year romance had been his most cherished memory, so much so that everytime she hosted a gallery, or even auctioned off an art piece to help with her local charities, he'd be the first to purchase and support albeit anonymously as he held a deep sense of regret for how they had lost touch.

Until ... the legends game.

Admittedly, he was afraid that Elizabeth -her closest friend- would not answer, hell if anything, he was afraid she'd hang up before he could even muster up a word, surprisingly she seemed receptive to the notion of attending the game, even more so, convincing Y/N to attend with her, but he had firmly believed that she would not attend the game, much less be open to speaking to him again after so long, however he was rather stunned when Elizabeth relayed the news of Y/N attending the game in a week from now.

The days felt like a lifetime, with each training session -his heart leapt with joy at the prospect of seeing her in the stands, hopefully cheering him on- so much so, that by the time the match was set in place and the team was warming up on the pitch, he couldn't help but glance around the masses of fans in hopes of catching a glimpse of her ...

Steven, his former teammate and close friend noted his antsy expression causing him to wonder, "Looking for someone?"

Fernando shakes his head, opting to deny it. "No."

"Really?" Steven retorts with an amused tone, "Cause I could've sworn that that's Y/N over there ..." he gestured to his left.

Fernando whipped his head so quick that Steven couldn't help but chuckle at him -indeed, to his left ... sat Elizabeth and Y/N at the fourth row, both of them dressed in Liverpool jerseys- Y/N was chatting to Elizabeth when all of a sudden their eyes locked and he could have sworn, he was transported back to 2007, his debut match where similar to now, she sat in the stands cheering the team on as loud as she could.

"Nando, ..." Steven chuckles, "You alright mate?"

"Yeah, yeah .." Fernando smiles.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

"Oh my god ...!" Elizabeth exclaims.

Y/N sighs, she was certain what Elizabeth was about to say as she had noticed his eyes lingering at her every now and then during his warmups, "He wasn't staring!!"

"Uh huh ..." Elizabeth smirks, "That man was so distracted that Steven had to remind him."

"Can you just stop please?" Y/N glares at her.

Elizabeth laughs, "No I won't ..." she paused before adding, "How much do you want to bet that he'll score a goal?"

"Elizabeth ...!" Y/N exclaims with a tight lipped smile, "Can we watch the match please?"

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

The match was certainly a joy to watch for older fans whom have grown up with the legends playing, while the first half seemed off due to the reds conceding, it was the second half that seemed to turn things around, with a variety of talented individuals such as the likes Gregory Vignal, Djibril Cisse and Nabil El Zhar scoring goals to take the lead back from the Ajax legends, however it was the final goal that captured the attention of Anfield, including Y/N.

Fernando had swiftly managed to evade the Ajax legends defense to score an incredible fourth goal that sent the entirety of Anfield into a course of cheers, both Y/N and Elizabeth stood up and cheered with the fans as Fernando celebrated with his teammates, however what he did next had captured everyone's attention, he tilts his head towards Y/N and gives her a subtle nod.

Elizabeth noticed the gesture and said, "I told you ..." she squeals quietly, "I told you!!!" she giggles.

"Stop, he wasn't looking at me ..." Y/N retorts, albeit her blushing cheeks said otherwise.

This was their own special way of communicating, during the early stages of their relationship, whenever he scored, he'd look at her, nod and smile -not wanting to attract further attention towards her- as in her words, the notion of becoming a WAG at the time did not appeal to her, and he respected that.

After the match, Elizabeth had all but insisted that the pair wait next to her car instead of driving off which confused Y/N, "What are waiting for exactly?" she asks Elizabeth.

Elizabeth smiles softly, and gestures to her left, causing Y/N to turn to her left and there it was, Fernando was walking over to them, she turns to Elizabeth, "You sneaky bitch!"

"I got myself a ride so .... bye!" Elizabeth grins leaving the pair alone.

Y/N opened her mouth only to close it when Fernando finally stood in front of her, "Hi ..." she smiles.

"Hey!" he said breathlessly, a soft smile across his lips.

"You look ..." she trails off, with a shy smile.

"Sweaty ..." he laughs, "I know."

"I was going to say handsome but ..." she laughs.

The word falling ever so softly from her lips caused him to blush, and rub his neck gently. "Thank you." he paused for a moment before adding. "You look amazing ... very amazing actually."

"Oh please!" she giggles, waving off his compliment, "Hardly but thank you."

"You've always looked beautiful in my eyes ...." he said with a soft tone. "You looked beautiful back then, and you look even more beautiful now."

Her cheeks flush, and she looks away shyly for a brief moment before giggling, "Ok ... erm, do you ...?" she trails off, pausing as she wondered if he'd accept. "How long are you staying in Liverpool?"

Fernando pauses, for a bit before replying. "Two weeks before the pre season starts, why?"

"Maybe you'd like to get dinner sometimes, or just you know? ..." she smiles softly, "Spend time together, for old time's sake."

A soft yet shy smile appears on his lips before he replies, "Sure."

Her eyes light up, "Yeah?"

"Yeah?" he nods, "Is your number still the same?"

She nods quickly, "Uh huh ..."

"Then I'll call you ..." he smiles before gesturing to the bus, "I better head back, I'll see you later."

"Yes, ... you will." she waves, before entering her car, she took a brief moment to gather herself before grabbing her phone and texting Elizabeth.

I asked him out for dinner and he said yes.

A few minutes later, Elizabeth replies.

Ooooh get it girl!! I mean he's a walking DILF now so I wouldn't put it past you 😋😏💦

Y/N groans, then types back.

I hate you!! 🙂

Elizabeth types back,

Love you too xoxo 😘

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

This wasn’t a date, just two friends catching up, was what she reminded herself as she zipped up the beautiful cherry colored dress that seemed to fit her like a glove –her hair was curled to perfection, coupled with a beautiful yet elegant makeup look that topped her appearance off rather well– for a brief moment, she stares at her reflection in the mirror, hoping that it wasn’t too much.

Gosh Y/N, you’re the one who asked him to have dinner with you and now you’re worried, she internally chastised herself, then checked her appearance before thinking, I’ll just be myself, yeah myself …

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound the doorbell, Oh my god he’s here … a wave of sheer panic washes over here as she double checks her appearance before walking over to her door to open it, and there on the other side, stood Fernando dressed in a white dress shirt coupled with washed jeans, shoes and the unmistakable scent of his cologne that she still remembers.

"Hi!" she whispers with a soft smile.

He smiles back, "Hi, um …" he gently pushes the lavender and white roses bouquet, "These are for you," he added shyly.

Her eyes widen and cheeks flush at the sight of the beautiful set of flowers, "Oh!" she exclaims, grasping the bouquet. "Thank you,"

"No need, I chose these because they mean a second chance …" he trails off with a soft tone.

"A second chance?" she repeats, mirroring his soft tone.

"Yes," he nods, "A second chance to …" he trails off, looking away shyly before looking back up. "Make things right!"

A brief wave of silence washes over them before she pipes up, "Shall we?"

"Yeah, yeah …" he nods, leading her out of the flat. "I got us a reservation at the Italian place we used to go to."

"It’s still open!" she giggles.

"Surprisingly, yes." he smiles. "It’ll be just like old times …"

"Yeah," she repeats, "Just like old times."

The drive to the restaurant was surprisingly silent for the most part with a few brief words exchanged in between, "Your art has been quite impressive!" he exclaims.

"Thank you, … it’s crazy to think that twenty years ago, I was just starting out." she remarked with a gentle smile.

"And here you are, a renowned talented artist." he smiles, "who's also beautiful ..." he added quietly unaware that she had heard him.

They arrive to the restaurant forty five minutes later, and just as she was about to open her door, Fernando all but bolts to her side of the car, opening the passenger door for her.

She giggled. "Nando, I can open my door."

"I know but humor me please, ... you always loved it when I opened the door for you." he reminds her with a soft tone.

Her lips curl up at the vivid memories of their date nights where indeed, she'd melt entirely from how gentlemanly he was towards her. "I did ..." she murmurs softly.

They walk up to the host, "We have a reservation under the name Torres!" Fernando exclaims with a polite smile.

"Ah yes ... right this way sir!"

The host leads them to a private booth, resulting in her remarking. "Nando, don't you think it's a bit too much?"

"No," he shrugs before adding. "It's fitting to the most beautiful woman I know."

"Damn you and your charming tone!" she laughs softly.

"Oh please!" he laughs as well, "You love it."

The pair sit across from one another, and a few minutes later -a waiter arrives with two menus, stating that he'd return to get their orders- he nods in thanks, before glancing back at her and stating, "What do you say? should we get our classic order."

"Fettucine Alfredo with a side of Eggplant Parmesan." she recalled their favorite dishes to order.

"With lemonade ..." he adds with a soft tone.

"Gosh!" she breaths out a soft laugh. "It's like we're back to where we were."

"Except we're older now," he replies.

The waiter comes back, they order their meals -just then, Fernando turns to her, unable to resist saying- "You know, ..." he began with a soft tone, "I regret how we lost touch back then."

Her eyes soften as she recalls how their initial promise to remain in contact following their split had dwindled due to life and other obligations, "Nando ..." she whispers.

He sighs, "When I'd see your missed calls, or messages ... I wanted to respond," he paused, choking back a sob. "I really did but ..." he looks at her, "I never had the courage to, I just figured you hated me and no longer wanted to contact me."

"Oh Fer ..." she sighs, "I ... I never hated you."

"You should have, ... I closed our chapter and just, moved on like you were never there." he murmurs with a dejected tone.

She laughs, "That's just life," she reached over and grasped his hand. "I never hated you, I was upset ... because the first and only man I ever loved, had slipped through my fingers, I don't blame you for no longer speaking to me, if anything I blame life but hey ..." she smiles, "There's an upside, you have two amazing kids who you should be very proud of."

He smiles, "I am ..."

"Good, and now look at us, two old souls reconnecting," she beams before jokingly adding, "Except I actually look old and you look just better than before."

"Stop it!" he chuckles, "You look gorgeous, I mean the blonde hair back then looked amazing now but now, the brunette hair just makes you look more angelic."

"Again, damn you and your charming tone ..." she giggles. "How is it that you aged like fine wine both inside and out?"

"I guess it's cause I never stopped loving you." he remarks.

Her eyes widen, "What?" she whispers.

"Yes, I never stopped loving you Y/N, twenty years only made my love stronger and it would actually ... make me happy if we could." he paused, looking away shyly before adding, "If we could try again?"

The prospect of diving back into a romantic relationship following her disastrous marriage was definitely tricky, that wasn't to say that she did not love Fernando, she actually never stopped loving him but the mere idea was definitely a murky one to dive into, "I ... I don't know what to say, but ... maybe we can um."

Noting her hesitation, he rushed to say. "I don't want to force you, or ask you to jump back in but ..." he gulped, "The fact of the matter is, that ... I never stopped loving you Y/N, Mariana even knew it, so much so that when we finalized the divorce, she advised me to seek you out, knowing that my happiness is with you."

Now that was a shift, usually -a wife, or an ex wife for that matter would be jealous of the notion that their partner/former partner would find love elsewhere- "She did?"

"Yeah, so I guess what I actually mean is ..." he said with a soft tone. "Let's take it slow, rediscover our friendship to go back to how things were."

"I don't know, I ... I'm scared of us not working out, especially because of the long distance, cause ..." she sighs, "My life is here in Liverpool, and your life is in Madrid."

He sighs, "I know but, I want to try ... I missed you gavilán, so much."

Her heart ached at his tone, coupled with the nickname he gave her at the early stages of their relationship. "I missed you too."

"Just think about it?" he asks her, "My number is still the same, I'll answer you through social media too, just ... I can't lose you again gavilán, please." he whispers the last part.

She remained silent for a brief moment before nodding, "Ok!" she exclaims.

His eyes light up, "Good, good!"

Following their date, he drives her back home, a wave of comfortable silence fell between the pair until he arrived to her building, and just before she left the car, she turns to him. "Nando?"

"Yeah?" he replies with a soft tone.

She leans over, pressing a gentle featherlight kiss to his lips which both stunned and had him melting like snow on the first day of spring, he placed his hand on her hip as the kiss lasted for about a minute before she pulled away, and whispered. "Goodnight!"

"Goodnight!" he smiled, watching her exit his car then disappear inside.

He wasn't certain how things would go in the coming days, but a part of him truly believed that she'd say yes, as ... you never forget your first love.

[bambambunny]

Fatui Cat (Segment Edition!) pt. 2

Once again I am so so sorry it's been a month. I know how annoying it is for chapters to be slow and this one's pretty short. I have no real excuse but pls enjoy.

Warnings: little bit of existential horror, it gets kinda intense pls be advised

Relationships: Platonic segments / gn cat!reader

Summary: you observe the segments and the reality of your situation finally sets in.

Wc: 705

Part 1

---------------------------------------------------

Slowly but surely, everyone settles into the rhythm of their projects. What a lovely introduction, well aside from being dropped but you’re a sturdy little thing. You let your gaze wander from one segment to the next, from your spot by the door. They didn't exactly all look like the Dottore you knew, they were all different ages. To someone who didn't know better, they would have looked like brothers.

There was the oldest looking one, judging by the greying hair and beard, he seemed to be pouring over some dusty tomes. You recall how he gave #7 room to compose himself. He probably wouldn't be too adverse to you being here. Perhaps like Pierro if he wasn't such a sourpuss…

There was a slightly younger clone, maybe 50; You were never good at estimating ages. In your professional opinion, this one would be the dilf of the squad. He’s furiously scribbling on some blue prints and he has several coffee mugs around him.

One segment looks almost exactly like Normal Dottore and he’s tinkering with his own biometrics. Gross. You get that they’re robots or whatever but it looks like he has blood. Ok thats enough! On to the next one...

There's one who looks like he’d be in college, shorter hair and kinda lanky and no eye mask. He has a whiteboard in front of him with a maddening amount of equations. Good god, there's more letters than numbers! You look away before you get an aneurysm.

Another segment, like the one before but even younger, is flitting about his desk stacked with various terrariums. You can't see what sort of animal the terrariums hold from your spot on the floor but you catch a glimpse of some tropical looking leaves and a heat light. He gets something from a minifridge nestled in a corner and retrieves something that looks like mice? You walk a bit closer and notice they’re glowing an unnatural purple. Nevermind.

The electric crackle of a welding machine catches your attention. When you turn to look, there is a teenager working on a massive robot. And it's not just massive to a cat, it's massive. Suddenly it powers up! You dash away to a dark quiet corner.

Everything’s so big and loud and you don't like it! You push yourself further into the corner and hide your face in your own fur.

Your breath starts to hasten.

It feels like you can't breathe.

For the first time, since you got here, you feel scared. You'd been so caught up in the wonder of a world you only ever saw on a screen that it hadn't occurred to you that you were stuck.

You were stuck.

In this world, in this nation, in this palace, in this body.

There is no feasible way to gain back any of the control you once had – back when you were behind a screen, with a simple user interface and a few buttons to press, you can't even have the control of just some normal human!

You're scared and alone in a place you don't fully understand. No matter how closely you hold yourself to familiar characters, they won't really understand what you are or what you've lost.

As of now, you are the only person in this entire world who holds the knowledge of Earth, of its customs…

…of your life.

One day you will forget, and the memory of your humanity will be lost forever.

…

…

Is this what you wanted?

You are ripped from your thoughts by a gentle but firm hand, it carries you up then presses you to the chest of someone that smells like dust and chemicals. You look up and realise it's the old man.

He pets your head gently, "oh poor thing, did the machines frighten you?

You nudge your head against his hand in conformation. He makes a small hum of consideration then begins to walk to his desk, still holding you.

"I know Prime said not to, but it would not do to leave you like this", he rests you in his lap then continues to mull about his dusty old tomes. He keeps a hand petting your fur until you fall asleep.

---------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@etherisy @franc-1-s @assassinsnek101

(If you wanna be removed or added to the taglist pls comment)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Uhh i request you

<-forgot everything about creepypasta after stopping reading fanfics

Uhhhhhhh

Um

...slenderman uhhhhm meeting reader who is the same.. species? Found family????? Reader being chipper and welcoming?? Artistic and calming?? Basically um. I dunno. They also live in the woods and collect poor souls, helping them cope and detach from this world??????

I am.. stoopid.

Slenderman x slender-person!artistic!reader ! (found family)

dusts out my slenderman hcs as well as my au ideas on him aheehee ahoo speed running this since i just put my first round of macarons into the oven and im too impatient to wait until theyre done baking for me to write this NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT

okay but im getting this idea out of the way before i forget. imagine the reader, instead of doing paintings and stuff for the "artist" thing they make little structures and statues and stuff and have them around in your area. of course theyre all made with forest material; mud, sticks, pinecones, ect ect i dont know, i just love the nature aesthetic with this idea and rrrraaaaaAAAAH

for some reason or another, you make your home in the same woods THE slenderman lives in; or perhaps it was the otherway around? regardless, it doesnt take long for you to become aware of one another....

okay but how funny would it be if you guys bonded over your annoyances over people collecting your stuff. people taking his pages, and people taking your art projects (at least the ones that are portable). like!

though i cannot think of any lore reasons for slendermans pages in my au.... i will one day i promise, i feel like thats too much of an iconic thing to just cut out

it DOES take a long while for slenderman to get used to you, much less foster a friendship with you... but a family bond? i mean yeah sure, hes very reclusive... but thats not just with humans. he doesnt like interacting with other creatures, either

pats your shoulder

my moot

my dear moot, allow me to go on a tangent about my take on slenderman

basic summary is that he and all other demon/most nonhuman creepypasta characters were made by zalgo in my funky au; basically to bring disorder and that kind of shit. but like in a "this is just a part of this universe's nature" way. thus making slenderman himself in my take the be a simple fact of life... thinks.. and he resents his own existence, i think. i mean how cruel is it that he was made to cause issues, in fact he cant live without it (eats people) but he was granted the ability to be able to grasp the complexity of morals and emotion. like thats fucked

i love it

anyways, theres that and him just naturally being reclusive! hell even his supposed "brothers" (splendor and trender, i refuse to touch the third one) hes still.. distant

basically what i mean to say is that you guys probably arent going to be.. outwardly close... if that makes sense. like hes not going to be very affectionate; so dont expect many familial... things... and its not often that he would seek conversation out... though

as i write that, if i recall correctly i did give him the vague craving of connection, and while i usually save that for traditional x reader stuff, i think this would still apply to found family stuff! so actually, i think he WOULD eventually start seeking your company out, just for the fact of having someone else to talk to who doesnt resent his existence the same way he resents his own

sits

given my silly hc i do think he would have some understanding with your relationship with humans/lost souls. would he do it himself? i think it really depends on the situation... like if hes not actively hunting he usually just drives people out of the woods, no sense in wasting.... things... you know?

sits

im all jumbled all over the place my apolocheese im just excited to write for slenderman again

will get annoyed if you snatch away his "meal" since AGAIN, he was cursed to feed on people . like he understands why you did it, and he has mixed feelings around eating human (like not in a "im distressed and i hate it" way more so "its not totally desirable but i cant survive without doing this" way)

sits

i think

im gonna toy around with my slenderman hcs... this ended up being more of a hc dump than a x reader, my apologies

its also that as im typing this i realize how similar my takes on eyeless jack and slenderman are... which is funny because they live in the same woods in my au but they fucking HATE each other

territorial stuff you know

[streets-in-paradise]

Secret Presents

Relationships: (platonic) Faramir x Sister!Reader, (platonic) Boromir x Sister!Reader.

Genre: family fic, sibling bonds, fluff, birthday fic.

Warnings: Denthor's terrible parenting, use of she/her pronoums. I am not sure if birthdays are culturally accurate for gondorians, but since in lotr we saw at least one hobbit birthday let's pretend they also could have birthday customs for the sake of this.

Summary: Boromir and Faramir surprise their sister on the morning of her birthday filling her with affection while furtively bringing her different sorts of gifts their father wouldn't approve.

Note: (Late) birthday gift for my bestie @beautifultypewriter, also inspired in her gondor girl concept. I hope the fluff will be good enough to compensate the delay <3

She didn't expected anyone to remember, there were allways more important things going on in such convoluted times.

Completely absent from her father's thoughts, only her brothers could possibly think about it. During the occassions in which Denethor do cared to celebrate her, he was always actually celebrating himself. Birthday parties that were generic social events for the nobiity, occassions for him to show off his might in decline and pretend for the public that he could resemble a father.

If he could possibly be thinking on doing something, she would rather hide far away from it for as long as possible. The only good reason the Steward of Gondor could have to remember that he had a daughter were the men arround him making the recall. He would only use it as an excuse to push yet even more insufferable nobles in her direction.

Feeling the call of the servant announcing her waking time that morning made her groan of frustration, wanting it to be over before it ever began. She emerged from the covers only caring to make sure to be in a visible state before opening the door, trying hard to remember not to share her mood with the servantfolk through terrible manners.

What she found instead were her two brothers hidding their presence on the usual call, ready to join forces as soon as they will find her. Their happy faces said it all, and she almost regretted her grumpyness.

" What are you doing here? "

To a gestural sign of Faramir, Boromir went ahead to lift her up from the ground. Almost like a father would do for his child, only with tons of chuckling in between.

" HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR SISTER!!"

In a matter of instants she was smiling again while being carried back inside her bedroom.

" Are you insane? What is this? "

Faramir calmed his own laughter to explain.

" Your birthday surprise! I bet you thought we would forget. "

She was perfectly aware of how strongly they loved her, but war kept them always bussy and she was perfectly ready to forgive them if that was the case.

" Orcs are constantly pushing the limits of our borders, of course you could forget! "

" But we would never. " Boromir cheerfully insisted, releasing her on her bed. " Have we ever failed you? "

She giggled and nodded negatively.

" ... Then why did you seem so upset looking at us from you doorframe ? " Faramir inquired. " It think somone really needs to get their spirits lifted. "

With a mischievous look he approached for a strong hug ending only when he sneaked one hand to her already known ticklish point. Her loud laughing comforted them all, so Boromir encouraged Faramir to keep going untill she started fighting back and the situation could escalate into an actual tickle fight unleashed right in front of the servants.

She was red from laughing and playfully smacked them in return, when her eldest brother gave premission for the maidservant to enter. She was carrying a curiously long chest with the help of one lad and presented it to the lady by command before retiring.

" See, if we would have waited untill you would come down for breakfast, we wouldn't be able to bring your presents. " Faramir continued. " These are of the kind our father will not wish to see. "

A sparkle of excitement lighted her eyes.

" Certainly not fitting for a lady, by his expressed opinion. " Boromir added. " He would be very dissapointed of me if he would find out I'm letting Faramir present you with this."

" Not as much as when he will see what you got her. " He commented in response. " ... And yours can't be hidden easily, as one can do with mine. "

Curiosity was growing with each of their teasing recalls and she rushed to open the mysterious casket used to hide such secret present from the world untill reaching her.

It revealed a bow, perfectly new and with its matching quiver following the style of the one that was her brother's favorite.

" Nurturing your passions is important to me, and being honest i'm slightly jealous you have gained more practice with Boromir's weapon of choice. "

He was joking and she could perfectly tell. Her brothers never had to compete for her love the way their father intended them to.

Here eyes were roaming the weapon with increasing surprise, then inmediately directed to look at her brother with the happiest adoration.

" It's perfect!! Just, ... perfect!! Beloved brother, I would love to practice with you. " She thanked, hugging him from up front and practically jumping from the joy. " I can't wait to try it!! "

" We will tell father is an harp." Faramir joked, sharing her excitement. " I doubt he would ever ask you to play music for him, so he will never discover it."

You chuckled together seeing that Boromir was allowing you the mean spirited commentary.

" My gift will also work as a distractive strategy: he will never get a moment to wonder about anything else. "

She questioned Faramir with her glance, but he provided no clues.

" Boromir ... what have you exactly done?? "

Their eldest brother began to chuckle, assuming the mysterious guilt for some possibly memorable mischief.

" Come down with us and you will find out. "

She smiled and quickly followed the instruction, begging them to leave her proper space to at least dress decently before being publicly perceived for the first time in the day. Neither of her brothers wanted to miss what was about to come, so they awaited outside only to find themselves going after her later because excitement made her run her way down.

Hardly catching his breath, Boromir indicated her to go outside. Her cluelessness made her even more desperate for finding the surprise, but she inmediately stumbled with it once the final instruction was correctly followed.

A magnificent horse, one that she never recalled to have seen before.

" It was almost impossible to import, but your dear brother planned things with time and sent clever merchants on the quest for it. " Boromir recalled, pridefully. " They wouldn't have sold this easily for a mighty lord of the city, but couldn't refuse when told it would dissapoint a young lady. "

She looked at him in disbelief, unsure of the guess she was about to make.

" No,no, no ... There is no way. You couldn't ... "

" Send men to Rohan despite the uncertain danger it implies just to get you a horse? " Faramir followed, finishing her sentence in a wondering tone. " Don't worry, your present also worked as harmless excuse to obtain trustable testimonies about the state of our old allies. Something we have been wanting to find out for a long time, but father kept refusing to investigate. "

The clarification amused her more than the explanation itself.

" You are unbelievable!! How are we going to hide this? "

Boromir wasn't troubled by her very logical reasoning.

" We won't, and I will assume all guilt. Wait to see how fast he will find a reason to excuse me. "

He made her laugh through that lighthearted mock of his unwanted privilege, aspect he manipulated in contructive ways when it could bring a side benefict to his siblings.

Looking at her smiling brothers awaiting her final verdict made her feel the luckiest girl in Middle Earth.

" I have the best brothers in the world. "

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.