#so this probably isn't accurate
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wee snaw
#brawl stars#brawl stars gus#brawl stars buster#shitpost#this probably isn't accurate but I'm so tired rn I don't know anymore
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How Homestuck Beyond Canon Candy Timeline has/will have parallels with Homestuck proper around and during the events of [S] Game Over
Jane Crocker heavily aligned/influenced by with Crocker Corp. Notice how her neck accessory looks very similar to the Crocker computer tiara. There's also the circuits surrounding the button, which are reminiscent of Crockertier Jane's visual mind control effect by The Condesce.
Jane also kind of looks like The Condesce with how she's silhouetted here.
The head of Crocker Corporation on a large Crocker space ship. A ship which I would like to point out looks eerily similar to the ship that The Condesce flies around in except the forks/sporks are facing the opposite direction and it's got black on it instead of mostly red.
Jake dying at the hands of Crocker influenced Jane and coming back to life parallels with this Jane coming close to killing Jake, but stopping right before death. Same green text too.
The cast of characters surrounding this time in the comic are also similar.
We also got the whole Crocker laser beam of death being hinted at which we've absolutely seen before.
I talked about this in one of my previous theories, Jake is getting a better grasp of his hope powers; so, I think we could see another hope explosion again in some capacity out of Jake's concern for Tavvy.
I could also totally see Jake being held hostage by one of the Crocker Clones A.K.A. the Brig Boys and Kanaya cutting them up with her chainsaw (hopefully avoiding Jake).
This is more of a little side detail, but Vriska is once again on the sidelines while this massive important fight takes place because she's trapped in her own personal Hell this time.
CHARACTER DEATH FLAGS - I don't know how to organize this post and there was a lot more potential evidence to this than I thought there was going into it.
Let me preface this with the fact that the existential split between Meat and Candy sometimes seems to try to course correct itself and much like certain peoples DNIs, it doesn't want any doubles. We see this with Dirk, Dave (he died even if he ascended to ultimate self afterwards), June/J/John, Terezi(seemingly), Meenah (her other self is in the black hole with Lord English so we can't necessarily confirm death but yknow), Aradia (is just Aradia), Gamzee, Calliope (that is a whole complex situation), and Rose (if her future sight is correct, but we'll get to that). Those are the only examples I can think of at this time, but it's absolutely a repeating pattern of the universe sort of course-correcting to have only one of each of our main characters exist at a time. This, at least in the cases of Dirk, Dave, & Rose seems to be related to the ascension to ultimate self, but we can't really say if that's why the other characters only get one existence at this time.
Karkat has has at least 2 deaths from around this time, one involving Crockertier Jane as well which could be a sign of things to come.
Rose's death flag is that she has literally foreseen her death in her future sight. She is thinking about Kanaya and Roxy in the same thought process while seeing her own death, feeling full of regret (even though she's trying to repress her own feelings) about her relationship to Roxy and Kanaya. Very similar to her being regretful as she was dying in Roxy's arms. I'm also guessing the bullet that hits her will be from Jake's gun, just throwing that out as a possibility.
ROSE: What... ROSE: Happened to me? ROXY: the witch got u ROXY: with her fork ROXY: but youre gonna be ok ROSE: Oh. ROSE: That's nice. ROSE: *Cough.* ROXY: maybe you uh ROXY: shouldnt try to talk now ROSE: You saved me, didn't you? ROXY: ... ROSE: Thanks. ROSE: But, ROSE: She's gone, isn't she. ROSE: For good, I mean. ROXY: ? ROSE: I saw her die. ROSE: And. ROSE: It's a shame how... ROSE: *Cough.* ROSE: A shame that I never even... ROSE: Got to tell her... ROSE: I loved her. ROXY: who?
ROSE: Kanaya. ROSE: But... ROSE: You too, mom.
Kanaya also has a death flag here in getting hit by The Condesce's laser beam of death, but it's more of a maybe given that we see Rose's future vision of Kanaya holding her body in her arms. Keep in mind though we also had this bit of dialogue about the reliability of future sight right before we saw that vision.
JADE: dont forget im more than a little versed in future sight myself ok JADE: i dont care how credible it seems, you cant depend on that information!
Jake and Jane are also on the chopping block potentially, but I can't think of a way at this time, unless Kanaya mistakes Jake for one of the clones amidst her rage and ends up cutting through him along with the Crocker clones. The one pictured below was done by Aranea who is out of the story. Maybe Meenah's trident hits Jake somehow or something, I don't know. We also have meat Jake and Jane who are doing more okay.
On top of the parallels to the doomed timeline that was [S] Game Over, we also had Vriska say that this reality was fake and didn't matter. I'm paraphrasing and I don't know if we'll get a doomed timeline situation yet with the 4 kids still in it, but I just thought the amount of parallels was interesting & worth pointing out.
I also wanted to get this out before the next update in case it's related to the flash animation and any of my predictions come true.
Alternatively I think the flash animation will be Ultimate Dirk kick starting his SBURB home brew session on Deltritus. He probably has all the tech and narrative powers to do it based on what we've seen, they just need a species they'll both be satisfied with as the players for the session.
#I wasn't sure how to title this hs theory; can you tell? Wanted it to be accurate; this isn't the clickbait video site lmao#sorry that some of the image qualities vary; I couldn't be bothered to find specific pages in the long labyrinth that is act 6 and#ended up just using a summary video for some of these because that was much easier. There is so much to talk about I'm probably going to#miss something in HSBC so if anyone has anything else to add onto this post feel free to do it. when I tell you that formatting these#colored text chat logs was a nightmare; I mean that. Every time I saved the draft it kept glitching the chat logs too. Kept having to fix.#there's also some characters like Roxy where we don't know what she's up to in the candy timeline as well as Sollux and John/June Egbert#Also Calliope are any of them preparing for this fight or have some kind of plan? Captor could help but would need cover while he blasts#Anyway this mostly started from Jane's whole batterwitch vibe she has going on with Crocker corporation and her laser machine#hopefully Kanaya will be okay; but I'm definitely super worried about Rose atm and Jake too; also what's going on with Tavvy#Candy Jane as the new condesce it's not looking good for Commander Karkat Meenah or Kanaya. Mr English plz come save your son Tavros#mine#op#homestuck theory#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck#jake english#rose lalonde#jane crocker#kanaya maryam#karkat vantas#homestuck spoilers#homestuck upd8#cw flashing images#cw blood#cw gore
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imagine you were born hungry. imagine you were born with a hole in your gut that can never be filled, that is always writhing.
you are a mirror. you were born a mirror, surrounded by mirrors. the first thing you ever know is that you are not human. the second thing is that you are not him. you are a reflection, with his face and his voice and the people who loved him. you can mimic him, pretend so well that you are not anything else, but you cannot escape the aching hunger in your stomach, in your mouth.
he cared for the other one, the you-but-not-you. you hear that you died in his arms once. you don't know how to feel about that; you don't know him, don't care (because you're not him even though you want).
nevertheless, you are drawn to him. maybe it's the way he looks at you, guilty and frustrated and awe-struck all at once, a complicated mixture of feelings that has you shying away and inching closer, bit by bit. you decide you like the way he looks when he's happy, though you'd never say it to his face.
that's probably why you don't say anything, when the world twists, soft graphite and watercolors. because you like seeing him happy.
this world is good enough. it doesn't matter if it isn't real, it can be good enough. you can be alive. he can love you like he loved him be happier here, without the pressure, without the fear. isn't that good? why can't it be good enough for him?
you know you don't matter to him, not like the real you. you know that when he looks at your face, all he sees is the other one. he doesn't understand. it's not fair. it's not fair. you want something for yourself for once.
he says he'd die, if that's what you wanted. standing on the precipice. his heels slip over the edge, hanging in space. you want. you do not want. you want, but not like this. you imagine his body below the city lights, arranged like he's sleeping, a halo of red seeping into his hair. you wonder what forever looks like with him, what it might look like without him. he would die for you. you have never been so afraid of that.
he pulls you over the edge, hands entangled.
you are the only one who can stop this. you are the only one who can save him.
(part of you doesn't want to. part of you is selfish, and aching, and hungry.)
(what would he have done?)
you catch him. save his life. it feels like the worst thing in the world. you hate yourself, just a little bit, for not wanting it. the hunger coils in your stomach.
you leave for a while (because of the severance). you don't want to talk about it. the far shore has waves that beat endlessly against the sand, and you fell apart and shivered back together- and you don't want to talk about it.
you tell him to take you somewhere. anywhere. somewhere nice.
(a nice place to die, you think. you're too much of a coward, too much of a monster, to say it.)
it's beautiful, and he's smiling, and there's a gaping emptiness in your gut. you feel yourself shaking apart, skin to bones.
you tell him you are hungry, the words ripped from your throat like the awful truth they are. and he just looks at you, the way he always does.
and then he kills for you. not human, not yet (you wonder if he would), but it still screams as it dies.
he holds the heart in his hands. you are hungry. from here, it just looks like meat. it drips, plip-plop-plip, black blood splatting on tile. you are hungry. he offers it to you.
(despite everything, you sort of want to be human. despite everything, you sort of want to be dead.)
you close your teeth around his fingers instead. like a feral dog. like somebody who is not (has never been) human. his blood is red, and you are terribly, painfully hungry.
you tell him you are a lost cause, a monster with a pretty face and nothing behind it. that he should give up, should leave you alone, should let you die (should kill you himself, really).
he cries, salty and miserable, shoulders shaking. he cries. for you. because of you. all you can do is stare.
the heart drips on the floor between you. you are hungry.
(he does not look like an angel, or an icarus, or a savior. he looks like a fourteen year old boy in love with a monster.)
you have always been selfish.
you have always been hungry.
#mitsukou#jshk#tbhk#doing a reread and i forgot how mentally ill they are abt each other#i get it though#if i was fourteen and madly in love with my (dead) boy best friend#and he told me he was gonna die (again) if he didn't eat somebody#i'd let him cannibalize#luckily i'm aroace so we don't have to worry about that#uhhh tws#tw gore#i suppose?#tw cannibalism#(implied)#this probably isn't 100 percent accurate#i haven't even gotten to the picture perfect arc in my reread so i'm basing this off of memory#sorry to my followers my for my sudden jshk obsession#but actually not sorry whatsoever
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So I just spent the last ten minutes all-capsing at my mom over text about Kalluzeb, and she said this:
the holy grail of canon kalluzeb content, is adorable, so she gets it
#she saw about zeb and her first reaction was to text me about it#she knew I was gonna be smad#love her#and she like many of us Tumblr goblins has come to the completely accurate conclusion that kallus is at home taking care of the kids#take that filoni#also she says it's too bad zeb isn't enjoying a nice retirement#I sent her the pic and she was like wait is that legit? is that canon? and I was like yes indeedy-do it is#I told her about how apparently sabine just forgot to mention jacen (ain't seen the episode yet so idk if that's true but it probably is)#and how if she can leave out a whole kid she can leave out a whole marriage#and she was like well maybe sabine is just a bad storyteller maybe she should've drawn a picture#and then I put on my pixelated sunglasses and I'm like 'mother do I have news for you'....*pulls picture out of wallet*#favorite interaction of the week#kalluzeb#garazeb orrelios#zeb#alexsandr kallus#star wars#Star Wars rebels#ahsoka show#ahsoka series#martian's mom#martianbugsbunny ships
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NaNoWriMo Day #27
[masterlist]
Prompt found here
Thanks @stealingyourbones and @newdog14 for the prompt!
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"—the door will remain locked and sealed, with a small amount of anesthetic gasses pumped into the room at ten minute intervals, until either you're rescued or one of you answers my riddle! What... Does the sign at the cemetery say?" The Riddler asked through the speaker above the door.
"Do not pass."
The answer was out of his mouth barely a second after the riddle was said; though, to be fair, it was less of a riddle and more of a pun—a death pun at that, which he'd spent the majority of his teens researching and creating more of. Jazz had said it was his way of coping with his accident, and, well, she wasn't exactly wrong, okay?
Danny's stomach dropped to his knees in realization. Three simple words, spoken reflexively and without intent, had just destroyed everything. He was supposed to be keeping his head down, not drawing attention to himself, and here he was, throwing three years worth of hard work down the drain. He was screwed. Jazz was going to be so disappointed in him, he knew it.
He was starting to worry he'd been wrong, and his fellow hostages were about to see him get shot or something equally traumatizing, when the light on the lock turned green. He breathed a sigh of relief and cautiously opened the door. Riddler could usually be trusted to keep his word, but Danny wanted to be safe. He didn't want to put his faith in the man relying on a single riddle—a pun at that—for his entire plan. The universe just wasn't that kind to him. But no, there really had only been the one pun locked door between unconsciousness and freedom. Danny sighed. This just wasn't his night.
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When Danny had finished with his report, he wasn't surprised in the least to get called to Gordon's office. He hadn't been there since he'd been offered his promotion, which he was coming to regret accepting in spite of the serious boost to his paycheck. Ever since he'd been promoted to Major Crime, he'd been having more and more run-ins with Gotham's rogues, both on and off the clock. He'd known it was only a matter of time before he caught the wrong kind of attention, the kind of attention he'd been hoping to avoid for as long as possible. He could handle rogues, he could handle some extra scrutiny from his co-workers for how often he got away from said rogues unscathed, but the Bat? He had wanted to avoid him for as long as humanly—and inhumanly—possible, but after tonight's events... Let's just say he hoped he'd be able to transfer to another city's police force once Batman was done with him.
"Nightingale, you up for some old fashioned stair climbing tonight?" Gordon may have phrased it like a question, but Danny knew it wasn't.
"Yes, sir," he replied with a sigh. Oh well, might as well get this over with. And besides, he kinda wanted to see the bat signal up close and personal before he was outed as not human.
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On the roof of the police department, Danny glanced at Gordon before he walked over to the giant spotlight that had become so iconic. The bat symbol in the center of the unlit light provoked such a sense of relief and respect in the normal Gotham citizen when it was seen, but Danny could only see his visions for the future go up in smoke.
"I'm assuming I'm up here to meet the big guy?" Danny asked without looking back at his boss.
"He said he had some questions for you. Hope you don't mind."
He sighed but shook his head. "Not really, I actually was kind of expecting it at some point, considering my track record so far." Danny heard the soft sound of someone carefully landing on an asphalt roof and took a bracing breath.
"Daniel J Nightingale, twenty-four, from a small town in Illinois, one sister, one cousin, no parents on record. Your records are good, they nearly had us fooled, but Oracle found something you missed when falsifying them."
Danny turned to face the dark knight. He leveled the man a challenging look. "What are you going to do about it?"
The man slowly stalked toward Danny until he was within arms reach. "I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago," he said. Danny blinked and suddenly, Batman's arms were around Danny's shoulders and he was being drawn into a hug. "I'm sorry I never knew about you. I'm sorry I never looked." After a moment to process what was happening, Danny melted into the hug and returned it.
"It's okay. You couldn't have known. I forgive you, dad," he whispered through his tears. Well, that wasn't as bad as he'd feared it would be.
=============‹«⟨∆⟩»›=============
Sorry for not posting anything at all yesterday, as you may know, it was my birthday yesterday, and life got a bit hectic (´-﹏-`;) and not in a fun way. We had some bad news come in from a family member out west, and it threw all our plans into chaos and disarray. Today was better, no bad news bombs got dropped on me today, though it was very exhausting, so I'm not sure how well this ficlet turned out, sorry (^~^;)ゞ
I'm probably going to play a bit fast and loose with my personal NaNoWriMo rules for the rest of this week, cuz I've been struggling to find prompts I'm actually interested in writing (;^ω^)hopefully I can get a few sequels or third parts out before the end of the month!
Have a good morning/day/night!
#danny phantom#batman#fanfic#dc x dp#dp x dc#dp crossover#dp au#fanfiction#nanowrimo 2022#NaNoWriMo Day 27#in case it isn't obvious#Danny is Bruce's kid that Bruce didn't know about until Babs started looking into Daniel J Nightingale and she found something fishy#i don't know how Gotham's police force works so i don't know how accurate this was which probably doesn't matter in the first place...#sorry i'm rambling#I'm half asleep right now heh
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Whose idea was it to make a kirtle out of flannel bedsheets in 29C weather?
Oh yeah, mine.
I'm merrily calling this project 'my descent into madness' and I'm having a grand old time. I'm engraining the metric system in my brain (American down, folks), I'm delighting in how comfy this thing is going to be (I did a quick pinned fitting with the side gores in, it is so soft and so flowy, and it'll be even more flowy once I get the front and back gores in), and I not only definitely have enough fabric for the sleeves, scary as they may be, but probably one or two kerchiefs as well! I won't wear those with the kirtle, that's too much dark blue in one go, though.
#holy run on sentence batman#i thought about making a wimple to go with#but i don't have any white linen#the goal for tomorrow is to get the side seams done (i'll probably fit them more later but depends on how the shoulders work out#and get the front and back gores pinned in at least#seam finishing? maybe#i think i may end up using the sewing machine#which is not historically accurate but i can't be bovvered (in the words of rachel maksy)#historical fashion i may prefer but modern tools are nothing to sneeze at#also i want this done by tuesday so if i'm going to spend hours handfelling seams then i'm cutting some corners for time's sake#this isn't my blog's usual topic matter but my historical fashion special interest is awake and you are all going to hear about it#(yes i am aware that three people will see this total)#chatters from the nightsky#sewing
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so this post may be controversial but i will no longer be silenced. i need people to start being accepting of bears/fat men in general that don't fit into the "dad" vibe or aren't conventionally attractive. quit acting like they've all gotta be incels/mladys/neckbeards/racist weebs etc. because first off, fat hairy nerdy men with patchy beards and glasses or acne or bald spots or whatever are HOT and i'm tired of pretending they're not!!!!!! and more importantly!!! even if you aren't attracted to them (or even if you are) i need you to start being fucking normal about them. because if you keep treating every fat hairy guy with glasses as if he's this rampant bigot, you're just gonna create more divides, and also you're a fucking asshole who equates looks with morality. something something alt-right pipeline, someone's worth is not determined by how attractive you find them, etc. please stop being fatphobic to ppl you don't like lol
#💙 cass#fatphobia#i am SO serious i think the archetype of 'fat incel with glasses and a patchy beard and lives in his mom's basement'#regardless of whether or not it's accurate (often isn't)#is like. Am i supposed to not find that attractive. I love nerdy lookin guys. They're hot!!!!#Glasses are hot! Stubble is hot! Fatness is hot!!!! like why are you trying to say they aren't. i have working eyes???#I mean i don't like incels but this ain't about that it's about yalls rampant anti-masculism and fatphobia. Lol#i hate how we've made it seem like you can't actually find fat guys attractive. WHat's up with that btw#like even in gay spaces when you say 'i love bears' theres a really specific kind of guy that ppl associate with being a bear#hell i don't even always want to say bear. I want to say that i like fat guys in general#because i just really do!!!! i don't get why this is an issue#again that's only half of the point i'm making here. i'm also saying you need to be normal about people you don't find attractive#and ESPECIALLY when it comes to yalls internalized fatphobia. damn. reflect on that! thanks#that part is way more important but just. i feel like i never see anyone actually expressing attraction to fat guys#which is CRIMINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#again probably because we've created this idea that no one could Ever find a fat person attractive. societal fatphobia etc#but anyway. the way i would die for a trans bear with glasses.................
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Since femslash February is almost upon us, care to share some of your Kandy thoughts or headcanons? I'd love to hear them! 😊💕
In a perfect world where they are dating
(S1) Karen helped with the few streaks of color in Mandy’s hair because when she was younger she a phase where she really wanted pink hair so Sheila allowed her to get a few streaks.
Karen gave Mandy a bunch of her old clothes that she no longer wears because she knows Mandy would have a harder time finding clothes she likes (like the skirt we see Mandy in when they first introduce us to Mandy? Yeah that used to be Karens, her style just changed.)
Mandy showed Karen a bunch of old horror movies and Karen fell in love with them.
When Mandy told Karen that Veronica called her “Mandy skankovich” Karen thought it was the funniest thing and proceeded to call her it for weeks. (Mandy was at first annoyed but then grew to not care)
And on the topic of names, Karen also called Mandy “Amanda” because nobody else does and it makes her feel important to be the only one.
When Karen dyed her hair black Mandy thought it fitted her so well but Ian said they looked like siblings and Mandy was devastated and appalled
When Karen chopped her hair off with scissors Mandy tried to help even it out in the back but Karen wouldn’t let her touch it
Mandy accidentally told ian that her and Karen where dating when they got high once. “Yeah, Karen came over and we drank some” she caught herself to late and Ian looked at her confused. After a few seconds of them staring at each other Mandy came clean because she knew she could trust Ian.
Mandy taught Karen how to use a gun. (That’s it, no more context.)
Mandy pierced Karens nose with some ice and needle. They kissed after.
When Karen was younger she made a bunch of beaded bracelets and when she found them again she gave them to Mandy for shits and giggles assuming Mandy would lose them in a week like she did but Mandy put them in her makeup bag and never took them out.
When Karen went “emo” because of her father Mandy handed her some old black tank tops and shirts.
Karen knows how to play the guitar and Mandy is her biggest supporter (I’m only saying this one because Laura Wiggins plays guitar)
When Karen and Mandy went to school together in middle school they never really talked a lot and just had a mutual hate for each other because of their backgrounds. But they became friends from a mutual friend who forced them to actually meet (Ian, let’s pretend ian and karen are friends)
Karen was at first not a huge fan of the milkovich household for multiple reasons, but eventually she warmed up to it but still spent most of her time their in Mandy’s room.
Karen loves to do Mandy’s makeup even though Mandy isn’t a huge fan of how Karen does it but she still lets her.
Mandy helped destroy all of Eddie’s things because she knows how horrible it feels when your family puts you down like that.
#this is my first femslash February I’m so excited!!#I’ll probably add onto this so when I do#do u want me to tag u in the updates?#sorry if these aren’t good#it’s my first time doing this.#lollll#ahhhhh#I love Kandy sm#sorry if these aren’t accurate lol#or if there isn’t enough of them#it took me an HOUR to write all of these…#shameless#shameless us#this isn't a joke#Karen Jackson#mandy milkovich#alternate universe#headcanons#Kandy
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me, telling myself that blamore with white eyelashes and eyebrows isn't a real thing yet, so i can't be making posts about it
also me, falling into the trap of looking at pinterest pics for inspiration: oh... you know who this reminds me of? BLAMORE
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT THE WORLD: musings.#y'all are going to have to pry blamore with white eyebrows and eyelashes out of my hands pretty soon bc it would literally look-#SO pretty with them like? OMG?? but also blamore has not Yet Discovered that it isn't fully mutated yet and so like... HMM#LMAO i'm just kidding about you all prying blamore with white eyebrows and eyelashes out of my hands buttt. I have been receiving some-#rather accurate pics on my dash to it lately and thus i think it might be a sign... IDK though jsjsj#though OFC it would not have the golden eyeshadow on it's eyes bc it's got the most reddish eye circles to rule all eye circles BUT lolll#it does look rather cute with it still tehe
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Not a coherent thesis here yet but I've been thinking lately about the dynamic of.... people who loved you unconditionally as a kid (or on the condition of being family, which is another weird dynamic) - but as you got older that became strained because you grew into someone they didn't expect and they realized that they did have conditions, actually.
I mean. There are people who had conditions all along, but just didn't mention them until you didn't meet them. And there's people who spent the whole time actively trying to mold you into someone who would meet their conditions.
But there's also people who truly didn't realize that you could grow up into someone that surprised them, that pushed their concepts of normal reasonable people. I think often because they themselves were constrained in their childhoods and mentally closed off whole worlds of options of ways people could be, without realizing it. So they thought kids just sort of naturally grew out of those sorts of quirks and eccentricities. Without realizing how much that dynamic was driven by active suppression, and how weird people could get if you just let them.
There's one such person in my life who has truly tried to grow and learn as this has come up, over and over again. And I really love and respect her for it, even if sometimes its a little exhausting to have to keep pushing at it. Keep explaining, and expanding, and not being hurt by her baseline of confusion that I'm still just.... not someone she knows how to expect. Even after all this time. But she does love me unconditionally. And for her that's the baseline, and she's willing to put in the work to expand her understanding of the world to know what it means to love me for who I am, even if it doesn't always come easily to her.
And then there's other people who run into this same tension and don't know what to do with it. They don't realize that loving you for who you are means putting in work to expand their concept of ways people can be. They don't try to overtly push you into not being like that but they keep holding out the expectation that you will, because how are they supposed to love you being like that? And of course as a kid, a teen, a young adult, you don't really have words for it either. You can feel the tension, the dissonance between the way they openly offer love to you that doesn't seem to fit, and the way they react to with confusion or distaste to parts of you that you can't change, or don't want to. Sometimes to things in yourself you can't even identify. So sometimes you make an effort to hide those things and act like they want. And sometimes you buckle down on being yourself. But neither approach really seems to fill the gap. You can't recieve affection and have it fit at the same time.
And eventually it just feels like you've sort of failed each other. By the time you have the words and self awareness to know what went wrong and where, it's too late to draw the chasm closed.
It's not too late to bridge it. But if we make this effort as adults, with the conditionality of adult relationships, you'll have to see me as I am and accept that - or be a stranger.
It's weird, to be like strangers with people who've known you your whole life.
#big long self indulgent rambling.#To reiterate this is not about people whose love for children is overtly conditional or involves bullying you into being a certain way#That's a whole other thing.#This is about people who think they're not doing that but actually don't know how not to.#And you end up not really knowing how to feel about it because you know they're trying. Or they think they're trying.#You know they don't mean badly and even that they want to love you#But that's not the same as actually. Loving you for who you actually are.#There's a lot of people in my family for whom I have a lot of affection but I experience it in a very detached way#Because their love for me has long felt detached because it encompasses a version of me that just isn't quite accurate.#And I feel like it's not entirely their fault that I haven't made that inaccuracy more clear to them.#I never went for a teenage-rebellion 'you dont even know who I am!!' type of phase which in retrospect feels like it might have helped#But it's just a pervasive sort of misconception that's hard to address directly enough to clear it up#Especially when times I've shown a little more of my hand more honestly have not..... gone down well.#This is about queerness and genderqueerness and neurodivergence and probably also other things#Oh and being unemployed with no life plans even though 'you had so much potential!'#it's about that too
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men should be able to wear skirts without it being considered 'gender bending' like babe, it's a piece of fabric, it doesn't say ANYTHING about someone's gender. what it DOES say, is 'these are the kinds of clothes i like' and that's it. just so sick of the fact that pants are the "androgynous" choice that are okay for anyone to wear but put a man in a skirt and he's a weird, sexual deviant.
like, every day gender feels like more of a prison and people are fine to just go along with it instead of trying to break free. i really think that cishet men (in particular) wearing skirts and dresses and traditionally feminine clothing is a small step in the right direction. men's fashion mostly sucks anyway so they'd be doing the world a favour tbh.
#look i don't wanna just ignore the history of clothes and what they represent#but what i can say is that it's stupid that these entrenched ideas abt what clothing represents prevents people from wearing what they like#i've been wondering for a while but would people still experience such extreme gender dysphoria if there was no gender binary?#like the signifiers for gender are all based on the white ideal anyway so why are we going along with them???#going insane reading about lolitas experiencing gender dysphoria and thinking the answer is to start wearing pants#like babe i'm sorry but the pants version of lolita (ouji) still reads hyperfeminine i don't think the clothes are the problem tbh#like if men weren't made fun of for wearing dresses you probably wouldn't be feeling that kind of dysphoria to begin with#obviously this is such an idealistic view and we do live in a world shackled by the gender binary so i get people want to be perceived#in a way that accurately reflects them but like if you're already wearing alt fashion people are already perceiving you in a negative way#completely outside of your control#isn't the point of alt fashion to say fuck you to mainstream ways of dressing and thinking anyway???
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Muse Vs. Mun.
so, i saw this going around on here and i thought... why not create one myself :D and this was the result!
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#yeah... the hair and clothing that i have for barton isn't as accurate as i'd like it to be BUT i thought i should just probably-#make do with what the picrew had so.. that was about as close as i could get it to him LOL but yessir!! i felt like that whole 'judging-#eyebrow' sort of moment he has going on there was perfect so i had to pick that one haha#rp memes.
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happy holidays :)
[ID: A reddish monochrome drawing of Sigma and Chuuya from Bungou Stray Dogs. They are standing side-by-side and looking into the camera.
Sigma is on the left and is noticeably taller than Chuuya. He's wearing a reindeer headband and is dressed in a light turtleneck sweater and a thick overcoat.
Chuuya is on the right and is wearing his hat with a holly leaf and berry decoration on it. He's dressed in his standard button-up and trench coat.
The background is a muted, dark red with lighter snowflakes drifting down. End ID.]
#[ my art ]#so chuusig brained you must understand#i tried to make their height different accurate but :') getting them both comfortably in the frame#it's a few cm proportionally more than this#anyways oh my god#sigma's first winter after joining the ADA and getting dragged around by his boyfriend(s)#chuuya driving him around on his motorcycle to see the lights#are malls popular places to go sight seeing? the malls near me don't decorate a lot :( but i know it gets wild in the big cities#not that this is relevant but chuuya helping putting on his headband after he takes off his helmet#and sigma still isn't familiar w yokohama despite having lived above it for years and in it for a few months#so it's just chuuya leading him around by the hand#'oh do you want to get something here? [food court]' 'alright. but i don't really know what i'd like...'#'... that's fine. try this. I think you'd like it.'#(spoiler: he probably does)#how much do you think chuuya's income is#... i mean he'd want to spoil sigma regardless but like.#'hey. no looking at the price tag. if you like it we're getting it.'#i'm so ill about them#bsd#bungo stray dogs#sigma#chuuya#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#sigma bsd#chuuya fanart#sigma fanart#bsd fanart#sigchuu#chuusig
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Rio and Rio! Luca-Rio is mine and Rio-lu belongs to @extraskully5! Sorry it's a bit scribble messy trying to teach myself to be okay with less clean lineart and colors outside the line, wanted to experiment with different brushes too!
#my art#my oc#Ft not my oc#Ft somebody elses oc#Luca-Rio just like omg so tiny smol baby#Rio-lu probably thinking woaw! So big and tol!#Ngl didn't have an actually Riolu color reference on hand so did eyeball it#Didn't know if the back scar above the tail would be visible at this angle so didn't add and forgor Luca-Rios scars too oops XD#Puppies who stare at each other like 🥺 and wag their tails so so much#Luca-Rio absolutely enamored with the littol guy that's baby! A little guy!#Tried to make Rio-lu look like how you draw em added floof ect#Tail isn't accurate but I felt it helped add to the speed blur wag time
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"Yes, for you, better Beholding, than the Lightless Flame"
Gerard Keay, MAG-012 - First Aid
#Tma#Tma spoilers#The magnus archives#Relistening to tma 12 rn and losing my shit#The foreshadowing???????#Hopefully I didn't misinterpret the injuries he had cause I've never seen Gerard drawn with full body burns#but I'm pretty sure the episode did say both of the patients arrived with full body second degree burns and in#Keay's case they ended at the neck and didn't touch the tattoos?#Also this probably isn't the most scientifically accurate second degree burn depiction you've ever seen but hey#I was depicting the vibes#And yes that's jon peeking at the left but the side you see really isn't very depictive of what I wanna get across w his design so just#ignore him#My marker cardboard in the background. Don't ignore her she's the bestest girl; she keeps markers from bleeding into the next page <3#Upd: a magical flying tie is the benefit of being affiliated with the beholding. You guys wouldn't understand#My art
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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