#so this is me healing past joe

[allgoldenelite]

i recently rewatched this movie as well, for the first time since i saw it when it came out in theaters 17 years (💀) ago. even without everything OP mentions above, it's a remarkable work of art imo and i can't recommend a rewatch (or a first watch) enough, especially for my fellow queer ppl.

i actually have a lot of thoughts about the narrative structure of this movie, so i'm very sorry /gen to piggyback ride off this post but i genuinely didn't know where i could put these thoughts except here and have a chance of at least being a little bit heard. this is also gonna be full of spoilers so pls watch the movie first if you're so inclined 🙏 i promise i won't be too long, you'll see why.

anyway, the thing this movie does is refer back to previous lines, shots and ideas constantly. it's almost like lost (the tv show) in the way it evokes itself as it unfolds, whenever thematically prescient. that goes for the smallest things like single lines or shots, to the greater overarching structure. its basic premise isn't anything out of the ordinary, it follows the standard "(speedy) setup, intensifying intrigue and tension, 1st release of tension, low point, re-encouragement, intensifying intrigue and tension and final release of tension" structure just as you would expect it to (especially given the fact that it's essentially one big homage (iykyk) to classic action movies).

however, 1) despite inheriting a good third of its DNA from said classics, it stands VERY much on its own legs. the comedy and editing are unlike anything you'll normally see (in a good way) and all the one liners that are given gravitas in the movie are actually inventions of the writers, not of other movies. it LOVES what it references and parodies; like the director said in an interview there is no sneer here, no contempt. it knows action movies are, for the most part, fucking stupid and that by association it itself is fucking stupid and that that's a good thing. it also knows that there is a part to buddy action movies that is inherently gay. the crux of the whole "buddy cop romcom" is that it's simultaneously a joke (where the red herring mystery and the preposterous logic of the world are concerned) and not a joke (where angel and danny are concerned).

ergo, 2) the entire structure evokes, as OP mentions, angel's relationship with his ex girlfriend for the beginning portion, and then more and more his relationship with danny. there is, in the way this movie is structured and edited, a real, tangible transfer being documented over time from the things angel's japanese peace lily and his notepad symbolize (trust me there's a whole lot) over to danny and sandford. you can tell that the writers (i think wright and pegg worked on this for over a year and a half?) took the whole "the romance isn't connected to the actual plot" point seriously, bc danny and angel's relationship is so intricately tied to the murders in sandford that removing it makes everything fall together like a house of cards. just like all the movies it explicitly references (like lethal weapon, bad boys 2, and point break most importantly), the dynamic makes this movie work, but in more ways than you would think.

so, the only way i could think of that would show ppl, even those who have seen the movie, what i mean was by anally cataloguing all the instances of callbacks etc in the movie and talking a bit about my thoughts concerning various narrative strands (especially concerning the romance) as i went along. so uh, if you wanna read 8k of poorly proofread bullet points (no pun intended) about hot fuzz, i got you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just watched Hot Fuzz again and I need to talk about it.

The writers for Hot Fuzz have said several times that Nicolas originally had a female love interest but she took up too much time without being connected to the murder plot so they removed her completely and instead gave her core dialogue and scenes to Danny, making him the love interest.

The movie constantly makes connections between Danny and Nicolas’ ex-girlfriend. For example, she complained about Nicolas forgetting her birthday so later on Nicolas panics when nobody told him it was Danny’s birthday. She told him he has to find someone he can love more than work and by the end he chose Danny over working in London. He gifts Danny flowers and wins him a stuffed toy. They spend the night out together followed by Danny inviting Nicolas home. They have a romantic theme that only plays during their emotional scenes. We even see the exact moment Nicolas realise he’s in love with Danny when the old lady asks if he’s buying flowers for a special someone and he says “….Yes” with a shy little smile.

The only thing missing is an actual kiss but in the Cornetto trilogy romantic relationships are rarely sealed with a kiss. In Shaun of The Dead the main romantic couple Shaun and Liz never kissed once and they had as much physical contact as Nicolas and Danny.

It’s funny to watch this movie and realise it has more queer content than some more modern movies and shows that are hailed as good queer media.

Like, I’ve never heard anyone accuse Hot Fuzz of queerbaiting but because it treats Nicolas and Danny’s relationship the same way most movies treat straight romances in the genre (it was literally originally written as a straight romance) people just didn’t notice it was a queer movie or thought it was a joke on homoerotic buddy cop movies. If it came out today it would absolutely be on the queer movie list.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Flowers

Based off the song by Miley Cyrus

AN: the wait is finally over!

Synopsis: You have been in a committed relationship with Jack for over a year, but since the two of you have released this information to the world, your jealous ex can't help but to wonder if you can find it in your heart to give him a second chance

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader, Former Joe Burrow x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

It was becoming light outside when you were awakened by Jack placing several kisses all over your face and a smile couldn't help but to break out as you opened your eyes to look at him.

“Good morning my beautiful fiancée.” You heard him say and listened to his morning voice that you loved so much.

“Good morning my love.”

“What do you have planned for today?” He asked as he proceeded to lay on his back as you moved so that your head was on his chest as he started to draw small circles along your back.

“I have a fitting with Margot Robbie and that’s about it. I might go out with Briana, Emma, and Naomi later if I'm feeling up to it. What about you?” You asked as you reached up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Probably just go to the studio, I shouldn’t be gone long. I have some things I want to work on.”

His answer immediately led to you rolling your eyes and you stifled a laugh as Jack looked at you curiously.

“What? What was that for?"

“Now you know good and well that when you say you’ll be at the studio and won’t be gone long that it really means 3 am and for me not to wait up for you.”

“Babe! I promise it won’t be 3 am this time! I was in the zone and didn’t want to mess that up.”

“I get it, I get it. But if this happens tonight, please tell me and not have me worrying about you. Last time you almost gave me a heart attack thinking that something was wrong.”

“I’m sorry and I promise to. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again. I… know how your trust issues are. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me and I don’t want to start now.”

“I love you.” You told him as you pinched his cheek making him smile.

“I love you too.” Jack swiftly answered as he leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m about to go get ready, you want to join me?”

“As tempting as that sounds, you know for a fact that you won’t make it to the studio any time soon. And you getting back at 3 am will probably be 5 am."

“I-... good point.”

“I’ll probably just go back to sleep, the fitting isn’t until later anyway.”

"Oh, I wore you out last night?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't start."

"What? I was just asking!"

"Bye, Jackman and go get ready." You replied while laughing and lightly pushed him so he could get up.

Jack simply nodded as he moved from behind you and got up to make his way into the bathroom.

"Don't worry, you'll get this work later." You heard him yell from the bathroom and you immediately rolled your eyes as you let out a small laugh.

You had grabbed your phone off of the nightstand and you were completely caught off guard from one of your notifications from instagram.

1 New Message

Joeyb_9: Y/N, can we meet up and talk? I miss you

You felt your anxiety as well as your heart rate increase as you read the message. There was no way in the world that you were going to reopen a wound that you had healed from.

After the intense break up from your superstar NFL boyfriend, Joe Burrow, you swore that you would never put yourself in such a vulnerable position again.

The cheating, the lying, him sneaking behind your back was a thing of the past and you didn't plan on going back.

So, he had another thing coming if he thought that you were ever going to give him the time of day.

One thing that he always did every week was buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers no matter if you were with him or not. You soon came to the conclusion that you could buy yourself your own flowers and didn't need a man to do that after seeing how he acted towards you.

Especially one that stopped buying them for you after the first year of your relationship and only bought you them with an expensive piece of jewelry because he had cheated again and would do anything in order for you to take him back.

"Baby, it won't happen again, I promise."

So you did give him another chance and once again he blew it. You should have learned your lesson the first time, but Joe being a sweet talker reeled you back in.

You blocked his number, blocked him on social media, and made sure that he gave you back your key to your condo.

A condo that he had bought but at this rate, you deserved to keep it.

You were content with being the rich auntie who got to travel the world and would bring back expensive gifts for everyone while dressing celebrities in your latest designs.

That was until you were asked to style your now fiancé Jack Harlow for The Grammys in 2022. The first time the two of you met, it was as if there was no one else in the room since your eyes never left each other.

You had heard of him and was quite a big fan, so obviously you were excited. Being Joe Burrow's girlfriend did have its perks. Once he got to the NFL and he knew how you wanted to be a designer, you would style him for events and that moved to his teammates, their significant others, and then onto other celebrities.

Jack had heard of you since you had styled Drake for an event before and he had highly recommended you. He took him up on his suggestion and soon found himself the woman that he wanted to marry.

It was hard to break into this industry and the one thing you could thank Joe for was helping you do it. You wanted to not be seen just as his girlfriend and known for your work so your relationship was kept low key. This made it easier for when you did break off things with him not having people follow your every move.

Except, Joe did follow your every move waiting for the right opportunity to present itself so that he could work his magic and his charm on you in the hopes of winning you back.

However, you weren't falling for this shit again because you had moved on and found someone ten times better.

You recalled the last time he had cheated and presented you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers which you immediately grabbed and put it in the trash can as he watched the scene unfold in front of him and told him that you didn’t need a man for shit including buying you flowers. That was the last time you had talked to him and it was over two years ago.

From that point on, you bought your favorite flowers for yourself and once Jack caught on to this, he quickly took over once he had heard your reasoning behind it.

You remember him telling you that you deserved to get as many flowers as you want from someone who loves and appreciates you and you remember your breath hitching in your throat. That was the first time that he told you that he loved you and has kept his word ever since.

What you didn't plan on was becoming Jack's girlfriend and now fiancée and Joe getting the sudden realization that he wanted you back.

All because you and Jack had gone public with your relationship not even 72 hours ago and you had a feeling that he saw it. The two of you had kept it quiet for the entire time that you had been dating, but once he put that huge ass ring on your finger, you wanted to share it with the world.

You had only blocked him from your personal account and not the one for your fashion line so of course that came with you muttering "Fuck" under your breath and shaking your head.

Jack had come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and had heard you so he was immediately concerned.

"Baby? You okay?"

"Um… "

"What's wrong?"

Not wanting to hide anything from Jack, you quickly shoved your phone into his hand showing him the message and his eyebrows furrowed and he looked confused.

"Why is Joe Burrow sending you messages on instagram?"

"Remember that ex who cheated on me multiple times but still expected me to take him back?"

"Don't tell me…." Jack said as he looked back up at you.

"That's him."

"And it's his fucking loss. You're mine now so he can go throw footballs and fuck off somewhere."

Jack handed you back your phone and you immediately blocked him, not even bothering to respond. He should have known better, you finally had someone who respected and cared for you and you for damn sure wasn't going to go back to him.

"He better get the message loud and clear too. No one told him to treat you like shit. Why did you never mention that it was him?"

"I'd rather not dwell on him treating me like that when I have someone that is a million times better in front of me." You said being completely honest and Jack simply smiled at you before leaning down to kiss you.

"This is forever and I don't give a fuck who doesn't like it or who doesn't agree. You're mine and I'm yours. Besides, can he fight?"

"I-... Jack he is a little taller than you and the most he could probably do is try to throw a dumbbell to hit you."

"Oh, so I have a chance to take him?"

"Well….. um…. you're my future husband and I'm going to stick beside you."

"In other words, no and you'll still love me even if he kicks my ass?"

"Correct, babe. But… he can't fight either."

"Woooooooow, zero confidence in me." Jack responded while shaking his head at you while you were trying not to laugh.

"Did I tell you that I love you and that I'll bring you food later at the studio?" You replied while batting your eyelashes at him.

"Don't try and butter me up now."

"Well I'll tell you again. I love you, baby. Now go get dressed."

"I might have to skip the studio and add an extra gym day instead. How much can he bench press?"

Before going to the fitting with Margot, you cleaned up around your shared house with Jack in the hopes of getting what had happened this morning out of your head. He had the absolute nerve to think that you would even give him the time of day.

You quickly sent a message to your three best friends Briana, Emma, and Naomi telling them you wanted to meet for a late lunch after the fitting and if they were free.

All three of them quickly said yes and you couldn't wait to tell them what Joe had pulled. Next thing you know Ja'Marr was about to be in your DM's and you would simply tell him to fuck off since he knew what Joe was doing behind your back, but would simply smile in your face and act like nothing was happening. He got cut off right along with him when you finally decided to do it.

There all four of you were sharing a plate of fried calamari and you had just finished telling them what had happened earlier that morning.

"Ew, are you serious? He has got some fucking nerve." Emma said before taking a sip of her drink and looking at you in disbelief.

"Same thing I said."

"Did you tell Jack?"

"Of course I did. The last thing I ever want to do is keep something from him." You replied while dipping your piece of calamari in the sauce that it came with.

"Well maybe you should hear him out." The entire table had gone silent as all of you looked over at Briana in disbelief.

"Uh? Come again?" Naomi was the first person to break the silence.

"Just hear what he has to say." She replied while shrugging and you simply rolled your eyes.

"So she's supposed to listen to the person who cheated on her multiple times and still did it after she forgave him?" Emma asked while not believing what she was hearing.

"Maybe he's changed."

"I highly doubt it and why would I even entertain this when I have an amazing fiancé who treats me like I'm supposed to be treated? Bri, since you want to hear him out so bad you go and give him a chance."

"I was just saying that maybe you should keep your options open."

"Girl, what the hell is wrong with you today? Where is the Briana that wanted to fight Joe every time this happened and would beg me to leave him?" You asked as you looked at her confused.

"I just think it couldn't hurt."

"Well if I ever decide to do it, I'm bringing Jack with me."

"Okay moving on. So, do we have a wedding date? Venue? Flowers? Maid of honor?" Naomi asked as she batted her eyelashes and was grilling you left and right while all you could do was laugh.

"We literally just got engaged this week!" You answered while smiling at her.

"And is that supposed to mean something?! We all knew from the first time you two met that this would be forever. I'm just so happy for you and Jack is the entire package. I love the way he loves you. You deserve this after how that asshole treated you. But just let Jack know if he steps a toe out of line, I'll cut his dick off." Emma said while still looking over the menu trying to decide what she was going to get for her dessert later.

"He means so much to me and I'm happy that I have him. I literally can go to him for anything and it seems that he always knows what to say in order to make me feel better. I love that man with my whole heart."

"Not you making me want to get married." Naomi said while laughing and you simply eyed her.

"I can always put in a word for you for Urban." You responded and you could immediately tell her cheeks were heating up.

"Just make sure at the wedding, we get paired together."

"Say less."

—

Joe let out a sigh and Ja’Marr immediately looked over at him and asked what was wrong.

"She blocked me again.”

“Are we….. surprised? I mean look how you acted towards her.” He quickly answered and Joe instantly had a look of annoyance on his face.

“This time will be different. I just need her to forgive me one more time.”

“Now… you cannot be serious. You cheated on her how many times? And not even including the times you didn’t tell her about.”

“I just wasn’t thinking straight, but now I am.”

“Now that she’s about to be a whole married woman, suddenly you grew up and matured? You literally haven’t mentioned anything about her until I sent you that pic on instagram with the two of them.”

“He doesn’t deserve her.”

Ja’Marr immediately rolled his eyes.

“Oh, and you do? When you treated her like absolute shit. You my boy so obviously I didn’t tell her in the hopes that you would get your shit together, but that clearly didn’t work out. Like Y/N would have done anything for you.”

“I just need to talk to her in person, I’m sure that I can change her mind.”

“Delusional much?”

“Will you just back me up on this?!”

“Back you up on what? Stupidity?” Ja’Marr answered, but Joe was clearly on a mission and would not let this go easily. You were his girl through and through and he was about to do anything he can in order to be able to get you back.

“You’ll see, she’s going to take me back.”

All Ja’Marr did was roll his eyes in response.

“Hmm, good luck with that. But don’t call me crying when she tells you no.”

“I won’t have to because she’s not going to.”

From that point on, it was the middle of the summer so since training camp hadn’t started yet, Joe was making you his full-time mission. He knew that because of you now being engaged to Jack, more than likely you were spending the majority of your time in Louisville so that is where he decided to go first.

He figured that if he could find you anywhere that it would be at your boutique.

Once he walked in, he immediately saw Emma who he knew was one of your best friends and she immediately sent a death glare in his direction and her eyes wouldn’t leave his. The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene, but she just couldn’t help herself and blurted it out.

“What the actual fuck are you doing here? She’s not here and doesn’t want to see you and you need to leave before I call security.”

“Relax Emma, I come in peace.” Joe answered with his hands up in defense, but she wasn’t having it.

“And you will leave here in pieces if you don’t get the fuck on somewhere. She doesn’t want you anymore. She’s finally happy and I for damn sure am not going to let you mess anything up for her.”

“I just can’t come by to say hi?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. You might have everyone else fooled, but not me because I know how you truly are out of the spotlight. Stay away from her or I will not hesitate to tell Jack and he isn’t going to be happy.”

“I see I’ve caught you at a bad time, but I’ll be back to talk to my girl.”

“Burrow, go fuck yourself.”

When Joe had finally left the boutique, Emma immediately called you.

“Hey boo!”

“Babe! Don’t come back to the boutique for the rest of the day. Go bother Jack or something.”

“What the? What’s wrong?”

“Joe was here looking for you and I kicked him out. He needs to get a fucking grip because ain’t no way in hell you’re about to take him back. I had to mention that I was going to tell Jack in order for him to leave.”

“I….”

“Just… go spend time with Jack. I got this covered, go wedding plan or something.”

Once you had gotten off the phone, you were visibly upset and needed to get your mind off of things. You were going to take her advice and go home and try to spend time with Jack because at this point, you didn’t know what to do.

You had thrown the different fabrics in the backseat of your car before going to sit in the front and dialed Jack’s number. You sped out of the parking lot in the direction of your shared house not believing that he had the absolute nerve to do this.

It didn’t even ring two times, before you heard his voice.

“Yes, my future wife? What’s up, baby?”

“Can you… can you come home?” You quietly asked and you already knew that Jack was not going to let this go without knowing what was wrong with you.

“Of course, baby. Did something happen? I can hear it in your voice. I know when something is wrong with you.”

“Umm…..”

“Don’t start that, tell me.”

“Joe showed up at the boutique looking for me and Emma called and told me.”

“He WHAT?” Jack’s voice instantly got louder and stopped what he was doing.

“I… don’t want you to get upset.”

“How can I not be? What the hell is his problem? You don’t respond to his DM and now he comes here looking for you? He needs to stay the fuck away. Nah, now he got me pissed off.”

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not, but protecting you is my main priority.”

“Can you just come home? I don't even want to think about this anymore.”

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

As promised, within fifteen minutes you heard the front door open indicating that Jack was now home. You were simply sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket burrito as you flipped through Disney Plus in order to find something to watch. Jack walked over to you and leaned down to kiss your forehead as you popped your arms out from underneath the blanket to hug him.

“You pick the movie and I'll order food. What do you have a taste for?”

“Hmm Italian please.”

“Coming right up.”

“I'm sorry to take you away from what you were doing, I should have just waited until you got home.” You quietly said as you thought about it.

“No, work can wait. If my baby needs me, she needs me and I'm going to make sure she's okay.” He told you as he stroked your face and you simply nodded.

“What do you think he even wants?” He asked as he placed his phone on the coffee table and sat next to you.

“To talk to me to get me to forgive him. It's always the same thing every time. He thinks that an expensive piece of jewelry and flowers are all that he needs to change my mind. At one point in time that might have worked, but not now.”

A week or so had passed without incident, but you were in for a surprise while you were at your boutique finishing up some sketches when you got a bouquet of flowers delivered.

You smiled at first thinking that they were from Jack and quickly went to facetime him without bothering to read the note attached to them.

“Hey pretty girl.” Jack said and he looked to be eating with Urban beside him.

“Hey handsome. Thank you for my flowers, they're so pretty.” You exclaimed as you switched the camera to show him.

Jack instantly got quiet and stopped chewing as he stared at them and let out a sigh. He instantly looked pissed off. You were confused and looked at him dumbfounded.

“I didn't send you those.”

“Wait, what? But they're my favorite. How….” You trailed off as you grabbed the note that was in the bouquet and looked at it in utter disgust as you saw Joe’s handwriting staring back at you. Without finishing the note, you promptly grabbed the bouquet and walked over to the trash can, throwing it in there before responding to Jack.

“Why doesn't he understand that I’m never going to give him another chance and that he is just simply wasting his time?” You quietly said and Jack had yet to say anything. From the moment you realized that he didn't send them, he instantly knew who did.

“I don't know, but this is really starting to piss me off.”

"I think that I just need to have a conversation with him. Even though I know that the last thing you want is for me to be around him, but it's the best idea I have."

"I was thinking restraining order, but okay."

"I don't even want to think about this anymore. We have other things to worry about, like what we're wearing to Michael's party."

yourinstagramname added to their story

The two of you showed up to the party together and were mingling with the other guests when you had told Jack that you were going to get another drink. He simply nodded at you and continued to talk to Druski. You made your way inside and refilled your glass when you felt a presence behind you. You silently cursed to yourself once you had gotten a whiff of the familiar cologne that you never wanted to smell again for as long as you lived because of the person that you knew it was attached to.

That wasn't your fiancé, but your ex-boyfriend who you did not know would be in attendance. If you would have known that he was going to be here, you would have stayed cuddled up under Jack at your hotel and not even bother to show up.

“I knew we'd cross paths sooner or later.” You heard Joe say before you turned around to look at him.

“And you can keep walking because I have absolutely nothing to say to you.”

“Come on Y/N, don't be like that. I just want to talk. Just give me one more chance. I should have been the one to put that ring on your finger, not him.”

"You blew the multiple chances that I gave you so what makes you think you deserve another one? Do you think I'm really stupid enough to take you back after all that?” You asked as you looked at him in disbelief.

"I love you, doesn't that mean anything?!"

"No and no you're not. Not when I'm in love with my fiancé and you're in love with the idea of me. Someone you can have on your arm for everyone to see, but treat me like shit from behind the scenes. Face it, you blew it and whatever this was at one time is officially over and never happening again.”

Joe didn't get to respond to you because he saw Jack approaching from behind and promptly wrapped his arms around you before turning your face to kiss you.

“Everything okay over here?” Jack asked as he made eye contact with Joe before looking him up and down.

Joe hadn't been sure if you had told Jack all that had gone down between the two of you, but clearly because of the look on his face, it was obvious.

“Yep, just fine. Got my drink and I was just about to come and find you.” You answered as you smiled at him.

“Teyana was looking for you. She's out by the pool.” He told you as he nudged you in that direction.

You just prayed that this didn't end in a fight between the two of them.

“Well that's my cue to make my way out there.” Was all you said before leaving your ex in the presence of your fiancé.

Once you were out of earshot, Jack turned to Joe and didn't hold back on how he felt about him contacting you when the only thing you wanted was for him to leave you alone.

“I just want you to listen to me and listen to me good. There's literally no need for you to say anything or respond when I'm finished. You fucked up and you lost your chance or should I say chances with her. Y/N is now going to be my wife and the last thing she needs is her ex-boyfriend lurking in the shadows because he has a sudden realization of wanting that old thing back all because you're jealous because now she's happy and with someone who isn't you. While you two were together, you broke her trust and if you honestly think that she was going to give you another chance is wild. So take this as a warning to stay away from her and we won't have any problems. The place of her soon to be husband is spoken for, okay Joe? Good talk.”

It was quiet for a few seconds and as Jack turned to walk away from him, he heard his voice.

“I like you, Jack. I really do, but sooner or later she'll realize the mistake she's making.”

“Only mistake she made when it came to you was staying with you for so long. Don't worry, I'll send you wedding pictures.”

Jack hadn't bothered to bring up what happened between him and Joe for the rest of the party, but you were itching to know. You didn't see him for the rest of it, however you did see Ja’Marr and it looked like he was trying to make his way over to you, but he noticed the death glare that you were giving him and decided against it.

You and Jack had now just gotten back to your hotel room and had gotten settled for the night when you brought it up. He was scrolling on his phone, but could feel you looking at him.

“Yes, baby?”

“What did you say to him? Because I know you don't like confrontation, but I know you were pissed about the entire thing.”

“I just let him know to leave you alone, that's all.” Jack answered as he shrugged and you weren't entirely convinced.

“You threatened him, didn't you?”

“Threat is a very strong word, baby. I make promises. He shouldn't be a problem anymore, but if he is, you need to tell me. I'm the only man that is buying you flowers.”

___

About another three weeks had passed and you were currently at your boutique, but also wedding planning when you got small breaks in between clients. You had gotten some wedding magazines and let Jack know that you wanted his opinion so the two of you could move forward with the process.

Of course he had told you that he would be at the studio majority of the day and simply asked Briana to drop them off for you so you didn't have to leave the boutique.

“Bri, can you drop something off to Jack for me? He already knows that you're coming to meet him.” You asked her over the phone and that's when the wheels in her head started turning.

“Yeah, sure what is it?”

“Just a few wedding magazines and he was going to tell me any ideas he had later when we both got home.”

“Not a problem, I'll be there in 20.”

Once Briana got to the studio, Jack was already on facetime with you and the woman at the front let her know where she could find Jack. She made her way down the long hallway and stuck her head in to peek inside the room to see Jack and quickly called out to him.

“Hey Jack, I brought the magazines for you.”

“Oh hey, Briana. Thanks for bringing them. I hope it didn't put you out of your way at all.” He told her as he took the magazines from her hands.

“Not at all, I didn't mind. I had gotten off work early anyway so that's why Y/N asked me.” She told him and he simply nodded, but he was confused at the fact that she was still standing there.

“Uh, Briana? Did you need something else?”

“You know, I was honestly hoping that Y/N would give Joe another chance when she first told me about him sending her a DM.” Briana said and Jack immediately turned up his nose.

“Excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I meant so that we could be together and everyone would get their happily ever after.”

“Wait, what? Briana I don't like you like that and I never have and never will. I'm marrying Y/N who is your best friend so I'm going to need for you to stop embarrassing yourself.”

Little did she know that you were hearing this conversation in its entirety.

“What does she have that I don't?”

“I… I am not doing this with you. So you can see yourself out.” Jack told her as he turned away from her, but she quickly tugged on his arm to turn him back around and attempted to kiss him, but he dodged her.

“You have three seconds to get out of my sight. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you can now consider yourself uninvited to the wedding.”

“Jack, she doesn't have to know.”

Just then she heard your voice come through Jack’s phone.

“Too late, because I already do.”

“Oh, um….”

"You and Joe deserve each other with how the two of you act."

As you were listening to the entire exchange on the other end, you were honestly in disbelief. Your best friend who had been your friend for years just tried to get Jack to cheat on you. And now thinking about it, everything now made sense. She started acting weird ever since the two of you got engaged all because you see how she now wanted Jack for herself.

You didn't say another word as you hung up the phone and tried to process everything that had just happened as you sat in your boutique. You only had one client left for the day and then you would be able to go home and think about how you couldn't see what she was trying to do all along.

The phone vibrated in your hand and you looked down to see that Jack was calling you back and you quickly answered.

“I…”

“I know.” He quietly said because you were obviously extremely upset.

“How could she do that to me? My so-called best friend.” You asked him as tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

“Like you said, she and Joe deserve each other. I'm just happy you were on the phone and heard the entire thing. Of course I would have told you anyway, but still.”

“Babe….”

“Yes?”

“I want to elope.”

One week later the two of you were in the Maldives as you were admiring your huge wedding ring gracing your finger.

“You act like it's about to disappear.” Jack teased as he peered over at you.

“Shut up, it's pretty!”

“But you're prettier.”

“Hmm, tell me something I don't know.” You responded and all Jack did was look at you in disbelief.

“Hmm, not the response I was looking for. I thought that I was going to get a thank you.”

“Fine. Thank you, husband.” You told him as you reached up to kiss him before he smiled at you.

“That's more like it.”

“You know I had a thought…” You started to say before stopping mid sentence.

“And what's that thought, baby?”

“When I left him, I thought no one would be able to love me better than he could but you came along and proved me wrong.”

“And you'll never have to question how I feel about you or how important you are to me.”

“And even though I can buy myself flowers, I love them more when they come from you.”

I can buy myself flowers

Write my name in the sand

Talk to myself for hours

Say things you don't understand

I can take myself dancing

And I can hold my own hand

Yeah, I can love me better than you can

[loviingpedri]

tasting blondies - mason mount and joe burrow

prompt: noticing a pattern in your love life.

joe b x reader

ex!mason mount x reader

warnings: grammar issues, cursing, arguing

click to help palestine

credits to owners for all images

sitting on the couch with you boyfriend, joe. you ran your fingers through his short hair.

“i can’t believe you did this.” you laughed as both of you smiled.

“yeah, me either. i decided to change it up for the summer. do something for the new season.” he held you tight, smelling his strong cologne.

“if it’s one thing, you look good. really good.” you clicked your tongue at the emphasis of the word ‘really’.

and that’s when the flashback hit you.

slowly touching his hair, admiring the white chocolate color. at the same time a few years ago, you would be ending a messy situation with a boy with a similar haircut, mason mount.

“is there something wrong?” joe asked you as your expression changed.

“no, nothing is wrong. something just came in mind.”

you love joe, seriously. the memories of june 2023 always come back to haunt you. meeting the famous other footballer, changing your life. you experienced so many things within a month. you were so attached, blinded by love, nothing would’ve seen it coming.

on mason’s summer vacation, he invited you to go to spain with him. of course you accepted, you wanted to see what this relationship could bring to your life.

in the end, it was pain, regret, and heartbreak.

joe was staring at your facial features and talking gently, “you can talk to me.”

“it’s nothing. just some old memories came back. it was never important anyway.” your cleared your throat, desperately wanting to change the topic on the conversation.

“is it about that one guy you told me about? mason mount, right?”

you looked at him, trying to find a good answer.

“yeah, but i don’t wanna think about him. he’s long gone in my life. i’m craving some brownies, what about you?”

laughing at you, “i think it’s funny, the guys sent in the group chat of him when i first showed my hair. they said it was funny how you’re dating another blonde now.”

“i never thought of that.” you laid your back on the coach, really taking in the information of the pattern you just figured out.

“you know, you never told me what happened with him.” you looked at joe, a lump formed in your throat.

————flashbacks————

“are you serious right now, mase?” you pushed him away from you as he was attempting to explain.

“it wasn’t like that!”

“you use that same fucking excuse for everything.”

“i’m not the one who followed someone else on this vacation.” he threw his arms up.

“everything is about you. isn’t it? i went on this vacation because i was in love with you. mase, you can’t be serious right now.”

“nobody told you to catch feelings, alright. i thought we both assumed this wasn’t gonna be serious.” you scoffed at him.

“so you took this as a joke? i am not a joke.”

“holy shit, you’re actually unbelievable. we were never official!”

“to you. you think mind games is funny?”

“i only thought this was a summer fling. i thought you were gonna see other people, like me. i wasn’t gonna stay in chelsea forever and i was sure you weren’t gonna stay.”

tears forming in your eyes. you were in disbelief.

“of course i was gonna stay with you. i was ready to leave everything behind to follow you. i thought we had something.”

“sorry y/n. you thought wrong.”

————flashback ended————

you cleared your throat as you poured white chocolate chips into the batter.

“so yeah, that was my lame ex.” you gave him a warm smile as you shared the most vulnerable part of your life.

“you didn’t deserve that, seriously.” joe stroked your hair as he ate a few chips.

“the past is past. the pain is healed, and i’ve got the best boyfriend ever.”

joe kissed your forehead as the oven beeped after it was done pre-heating.

-

sitting on the couch with freshly baked blondies.

“i think you have some sort of magic on men.” joe said, taking a bite after.

“what?”

“you start dating a guy, then all of a sudden, he goes blonde.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“i’ve never thought of that. i’m just really that powerful then.”

sharing a laugh, you were proud of the person you became. the pain healed, and so did your heart.

because, in the end, your feelings are valid. and you learned a lesson that no matter how much something hurts you, you can find happiness somewhere else, for the better.

[astrxbtchs]

What does the person you can’t get off your mind want to tell you? 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

PIle 1 ᶠᶸᶜᵏᵧₒᵤ! PIle 2 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 Pile 3☆𓆏𓍊𓋼𓍊

Choose the pile that resonates with you the most in whatever way you see fit. I ask my spirit guides to place this upon the collective of people that need to see it, and those only. I ask that you are truthful with yourself. So if you are seeing this is a pick-a-pile reading it is for a reason, pls don't take it for granted. Whatever pile you choose and most guided to you is exactly what you need to hear. Always remember roles can be reversed.

** ⚠️TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH THESE READINGS ARE NOT FOR YOU!!!⚠️

Pile 1

This pile is VERY VERY harsh

The Chariot reversed, Death, The Devil reverse, Judgement reverse, 10 of swords

Pile one this person wants to tell you its over. I don’t know what happened between you guys for the energy to be so harsh, but they are done and they aren’t looking back. Point blank period. You may have been over giving to this situation where a person was keeping secrets from you. It seems this connection was very in and out. They are exhausted from the constant back and forth and power struggles here. They felt like no matter where they turned with you, the connection just would not go right. It was constant pattern of toxicity here that they want to be released from. This connection has really hurt them bad and taken toll on them, they feel that its finally time to take their energy back and heal parts of themselves you might have had a part in breaking. This is a very painful ending for the both of you, but its no turning back. Whatever happened here changed everything. They are in immense pain, I see a lot of tears and releasing. They feel you guys weren’t right for each other but the toxicity was very addicting. This may have gone on for a long time, maybe even years and its finally on its wits end. This person really felt like you did them wrong. You may have cheated on them or they cheated on you. It feels very karmic. Release

1010 | 111 | 11 | 1011 | XX | XV | 3 years 

“love aint got to shit to do with me and you“

“Don’t take nothing for you to love me babe”

“All these b*tches don’t wanna be cheated on, but all these b*tches want to cheat”

**alot of little Kim songs were channels this may be a femme fatale, lilith energy.

Pile 2.

3 of swords, 6 of wands reversed, hanged man, the star, emperor in the reverse

This maybe someone from the past that you disconnected from because they didnt take any action towards you. They are still trying to figure out where their emotions lie with you but there is a feeling of despair. I feel like this pile feels like you left them hanging when they really wanted you, and this cause their confidence and self esteem to plummet. You may have ghosted this person or they ghosted you because they didnt have the courage to come forward. You make them feel small and powerless and they constantly overthink how the this connection ended and what they could have done to change the outcome to something better. They really saw a future with you in the past but lack of confidence is what held this back on either party. They wish they could show the depth of their emotions but I don’t see them coming forward with this information and just keeping it within their head. They are working on healing their own confidence at this point. You both may have been waiting for each other to make the first move but nobody ever did. They seem to have a low self-confidence in general or aren’t as mature. They might have trust issues as well and its hard for them to even trust in the first place. You might have declined their calls or didn’t respond to their message, they might have thought that there was someone else. 

 Pisces Aquarius Aries 

“Dont you be holding back your love, don’t you be holding back

Pile 3.

3 of swords, Hanged man reverse, 7 of wands reverse, 3 of wands, ace of swords, 9 of wands

Pile 2 and Pile 3 are very similar. I HIGHLY advice that if you chose this pile to read pile 2 as well. I feel this person is very afraid to tell you some sort of truth. There is a lot of pain being experienced here form this person and I feel it is because they are afraid to take action towards something they really have to say to you. This connection seems to be divinely guided by your spirit guides and whatever happened here was supposed to happen in both of you guys’ life to teach you a valuable lesson, no matter how painful it was. Although this person is very afraid, they are gaining confidence to come in and tell you some truth. They are standing up to their fears and freeing themselves from shame. They are feeling very empowered in the moment. This person felt like they got a false start with you and they now want to reintroduce themselves, for what they really are and be truthful about their true character. They may have came off as a player. They are taking huge strides within themselves to come correct. They seem to still be stuck on hurt and regrets of the past. They are completely re-inventing themselves as of right now and working on how they can be as brave as possible. I see them wanting to come in very bold and direct, they are just looking for the right time. They would like to tell you that whether it works out with you or not they are in a place where they are happy just being the best version of themselves. 

“I work to please me cause I can’t please you, that’s why I do what I do” 

Fire sign energy heavy

141 | 144 | 414 | 114

Dallas 

“Blocked me from your phone, im still loving you"

[trippinsorrows]

give me a reason + three

authors note: still blown away by people's interest in this one. i included visuals in this chapter, so look out for links. tweets and messages are intended to be read from left to right.

as always, confusion is to be expected. :)

one + two

words: 8k

song inspo: just give me a reason by p!nk and nate ruess

warnings: language and fluff

To say this is the first time in his life that Joe has felt lonely would be a lie. He felt it a bit the first time he left home for school, but it was greatly eased by the fact that he had BJ, his best friend. They were both in the same boat, so it wasn’t as bad.

He felt it again on and off over the years as he fought to make an NFL career that was never going to work, well, work. And once that brutal realization finally hit, after taking way too much time feeling sorry for himself, he experienced t it again as he started the hustle and grind to make a wrestling career work instead. 

And he’s especially felt it over the past two years as his marriage with Ri has deteriorated to a level he thought unreachable. 

But this….this is different.

It’s different because he’s not going home to an empty house. He’s on the road, back to work, surrounded by his cousins, a fantastic team, and a plethora of fans. It’s truly the opposite of loneliness.

But that’s exactly what Joe feels.

Because he doesn’t have her. Doesn’t have Ri.

Even if he hasn’t had her for at least two years. Not really, anyway. Not in any meaningful way that actually matters to him. 

A knock on the door pulls him from his depressing inner dialogue. 

Sitting up, Joe calls out, “come in.” 

In walk Jon and Josh, and right away, Joe knows what’s up. He can tell by their facial expressions.

“I’m fine.” Maybe if he jumps ahead of whatever semi intervention they have planned, he can avoid a conversation he really doesn’t feel like having. Physically or mentally. 

“Bullshit,” Josh scoffs, closing the door behind them. The twins sit down on different seats opposite the sofa Joe’s big body is sprawled on. “You ain’t been fine for a minute, Uce.”

It’s not entirely wrong, but that doesn’t mean Joe has to necessarily agree. “A lot of shit has happened.”

“Yeah, and I’m not quite sure you fully allowing yourself to feel that shit.”

“Kind of hard not to.”

“You know what we mean, Joe.” Jon cuts in, asking over a sigh. “Why you here right now? You should be with Ella. Helping her heal and remember shit.”

Joe feels the exact same way, but that’s not what her family wanted. Not what she wanted to some extent, because Joe was present when her parents brought up the idea of her returning home to Florida with them. She didn’t seem opposed. Didn’t express any desire to instead stay and go back to her real home with him. 

Not that he can blame her. He’s a complete stranger to her. Granted, technically, so is her family. So that not being chosen thing has definitely left a sting. 

So, Joe settles on a simple answer, “it’s not what she wanted.”

Josh is quick with the rebuttal. “Man, she don’t even know who she is, let alone what she wants.” Again, not wrong. But also, again, no need to verbalize as such. “Look, Uce, I know….I know things been rocky with you and her the past couple years—”

“Don’t.” This time, Joe doesn’t hesitate to dead the conversation before it can truly transpire. “I’m not doing this shit right now.”

“That’s the problem though, Joe.” Jon jumps back in, pointing out, “I feel like you, and her too, been avoiding talking about whatever it is that happened. And that avoidance has damn near cost you your marriage.”

“I said I’m not doing this, Jon. Drop it.” Joe can think of a million other things that he’d prefer to talk about than that. All kinds of cruel, mideval types of torture would be preferred over venturing down that path. The only person he should be discussing that with is his wife. But, that’s hard to do when she doesn’t even remember it. 

Doesn’t remember the thing he’ll never truly be able to process. 

He doesn’t even know someone can process and make peace with that. 

The twins share a look. They must know they’re defeated. In this round, at least. Cause if it’s one thing he knows about the cousins he considers more as brothers, they can be resilient and tenacious. Especially when it comes to heavy shit like this.

“Alright, man.” Josh shakes his head and slaps his thighs. “We’ll leave you alone.” It’s appreciated and both unwanted. Joe doesn’t want to be alone, per se. But, he doesn’t want his cousins, either.

He wants his wife. 

And when they walk out, the door closing behind them figuratively and literally, Joe is back to ruminating thoughts about his wife.

His wife who he’s seen mostly online in the two weeks that have passed since she was discharged from the hospital and left to be with her family. 

Joe isn’t ashamed or embarrassed to admit he’s found himself looking at footage of her via her music videos, interviews, performances and home videos. He’s reviewed old news articles that came out about them back in the day, got a good chuckle at a situation a few years back where some irrelevant rapper called himself trying to start shit with Mari that Joe and BJ handled and deaded right away.

He laughed over old text exchanges with his wife who will always be the smartest yet dumbest person he’s ever met when it comes to common sense sometimes. 

But, he’s especially enjoyed the home videos. Joe had almost forgotten just how much footage he has of her. Personal videos taken when it was just the two of them. 

Some taken by her. Some taken by him.

Memories, they’d always call them.

And they still are. 

Just haunted ones. 

Joe grabs his phone and navigates to his videos folder. There’s hundreds of them, because every time he upgrades to a new phone, he always makes sure to back up and transfer his texts, photos, and videos. For no reason other than not wanting to lose anything. Not miss out on any of the many hilarious, heartwarming moments with Ri. 

Joe picks a random video, a smile easily falling on his face as he immediately remembers and recalls what this one is. 

She’s wearing one of his Bloodline shirts, a random ball cap and a pair of his sunglasses over her eyes. There’s also a spatula in her hand as she sits on the floor in their living room in front of their flat screen TV while one of his more popular promos with Brock Lesnar plays in the background.

“You must be confused, farm boy. That title? That’s my title, and you don’t even realize cause I’m gon smash you at WrestleMania. And it’s not even your fault, Brock. You ain’t got a chance.” She’s mouthing along perfectly, facial expressions and body language in almost perfect sync with her makeshift microphone. Joe can hear his laughter in the background as she stands up, getting more into character. “This is my show! This is my ring!” She gestures off to the side. “This cameraman right here? This is my cameraman!” She gestures around the room. “These people, these are all my people, because they acknowledge me!” She then points to him. “These two right here? They work for me! This commentary team is mine because they brag and talk about me the whole time.” She then lifts her arm, pointing to the ceiling. “That sign right there? Is mine! Because I am WrestleMania! I am this show, I run this show, and everybody works for me!” She smirks, head titled. “Including the security in the ring with me.” Joe’s laughter increases as she drops the spatula and throws the hat off along with the sunglasses, also falling out laughing with him. 

Ri walks over and climbs onto his lap, asking, “That was good, wasn’t it?” Joe doesn’t hear a response on his end, but he’s certain it was nonverbal acknowledgement. 

As the video ends, he finds himself back frowning again.

Close….

They were so close.

Joe switches to a different album, photos this time, his smile returning as he opens a photo she snapped of them laying in bed. He’s clearly asleep, his arm over her body as she smiles happily.

His finger traces over the outline of her smile, a memory popping into his head.

“It’s just so beautiful.”

Joe sighs. Loud. 

It’s not often he gets time off, so these next couple days are precious and cherished. And he’d love to kick it off the right way: by getting some much needed sleep.

If only his lovely wife understood this.

Because even though it’s almost 2am, she sits beside him in their bed, emotional for no damn reason at her chosen movie: The Brave Little Toaster.

He blows out a breath. “It’s literally about kitchen supplies.” Joe then asks, confused as hell. “Why the hell you watching this anyway?”

Her answer is rushed and nervous. “Because I watched that creepy ass movie earlier today, and now I need to ease my anxiety.” 

Joe closes his eyes, turning on his back, looking at her with all the judgment. “Didn't I tell you not to watch that shit? You know your ass is scary as hell.” As soon as she started giving him a description of the movie, a psychological thriller, he knew she needed to stay far away. Ri has a tendency to overthink films like that, somehow convincing herself that whatever happened in the movie could happen to her. 

And that’s exactly what’s happened. 

“Well, I didn’t listen to you, okay!” Joe rolls his eyes. Obviously. “So, now I need to watch this soft, cute movie about these brave little utensils.” She starts sniffling. “And it’s just so sad.”

“What they do? Rust?”

“Joe!” She slaps his arm, huffing, “oh my gosh, you have no creative bone in your body.”

“Not at no damn 2 o'clock in the morning, you’re right, I don’t.” He turns back on his side, bringing the blankets up to his neck, snatching back more of the covers from his hogging ass wife. “Now I’m going back to sleep. You enjoy your KitchenAid movie.”

But that’s damn near impossible when she starts crying again minutes later, somehow louder than before. 

“He’s just so brave.”

“Oh my god.” Joe closes his eyes, rolling once again onto his back. He pinches the bridge of his nose and reminds himself that this is his best friend and his wife. He can’t grenade this. Can’t and won’t hurt her feelings by telling her to shut the fuck up, even though that’s what he would say if it was literally anyone else. “Your period must be coming because you done gone through all six stages of grief watching this damn kids movie about a fucking toaster.”

Ri gasps beside him, and he can almost feel her dramatic ass, judgmental glare. “I resent you saying that! Just because I’m a woman with feelings does not mean—“ She pauses. “What day is it?”

And before he can answer, she’s kicking the blankets off, climbing over him, and scampering to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Joe is barely even able to turn back on his side when she calls out from the bathroom. “Goddamnit , you man, you! You spoke it over me!”

He sighs. It all makes sense now.

Ri is just an overall emotional, theatrical ass person, but it’s always exacerbated whenever she’s on her cycle. She becomes….difficult. 

Super sensitive. 

“Shit.”

He hears her curse from the bathroom, but it’s not as loud, not as dramatic. And that’s what catches his attention.

“What?” Nothing. Nothing but the sound of the drawers being opened and almost slammed shut, like she’s in a rush of some sort. Joe kicks the blankets off and walks over to the bathroom. He knocks once, asking, “can I come in?”

She answers by opening up the door only to turn back around, clearly looking for something. “What’s wrong?”

“Damnit!” She snaps, slamming the cabinet shut. “I’m out of tampons.” Ri walks over and gestures to the few she has on the counter. “These are all light.” 

Shit. 

Right away, he sees her dilemma. There’s no way she can use light tampons for the first night of her period. And the reason he knows this and isn’t weirded out like how some men would be is simple. He grew up the only boy among four sisters, the baby of them all. He’s heard and learned a lot over the years. Some, or maybe a lot of which, he could have gone the rest of his life without knowing. But, some information, like in cases like this, have proved to be a bit helpful. 

So, it’s only natural, he offers, “I’ll run to the drugstore right quick.”

Ri turns to him, instantly protesting, “no. It’s late, Joe.” She crosses her arms and shrugs. “I can just, like, stuff a bunch of toilet paper up my vagina for tonight and pray nothing gets stuck.”

He leans against the doorway, easily shooting that down. “Yeah, with your luck, that’s exactly what’ll happen too.” He loves his Ri more than what’s probably healthy, but the girl is accident prone and the queen of freak accidents. “I’d rather get you the damn tampons than spend all night in the ER with you.”

Her not disagreeing with his prediction is telling. She knows he’s right. “Let me at least go with you. I don’t want you out by yourself this late.”

Joe would also not like to be out on the road, hitting up Walgreens for a random ass tampon run, but this is also Ri. And there’s very little he wouldn’t do for her.

If anything. 

“I think I’ll be fine, Ri.” He chuckles, walking over to her. She pouts as he kisses her temple. “You’re the one who would get kidnapped or some shit.” He laughs at his comment, a reference to the movie she watched earlier that’s got her up so wide and awake. 

She gasps, mouth dropped as she looks up with wide eyes. “See! I told you it could happen!”

Joe walks into their bedroom and throws on some sweats, a hoodie, and slides on some sneakers. He grabs his wallet, keys, and phone as Ri walks out, shuffling over to him and moving up against his chest, hugging him. “You want the chocolate?” She nods. “Milky Ways?” 

Again, another nod as she looks up. “And the—”

“Hot fries and Arizona tea. The one mixed with lemonade. I know.” 

She pouts. “Thank you.”

He kisses her forehead, murmuring, “I’ll be back.”

He walks toward the door, as she calls out, “I love you.”

Joe chuckles. “I love you too, baby.” He’s halfway down the steps when she screams out from the bedroom. 

“Damnit! Now we can’t do the nasty!”

By the end of the memory, a time so much simpler and happier, Joe has his head back, eyes closed, emotions all over the fucking place. 

She was his best friend. The person he trusted the most. More than anyone. 

And all of a sudden, it was just….gone. 

His entire view of her….gone.

Or maybe not.

Because while this nightmare of an accident has taught and shown him a lot, one of the biggest things it’s made him realize is that while his hurt and confusion and betrayal may be strong, his love for her is stronger.

It always has been.

He was just blinded by all of those other miserable, heavy emotions and too stubborn to do anything about it.

And now he’s in this extremely uncomfortable, confusing as fuck dilemma where he has to find someway to manage and deal with these emotions when they should be managed and dealt with with her.

But how can someone forgive someone for something they don’t even remember doing?

———-

Sleeping in a bed that isn’t yours anymore but once was is….weird. 

Sleeping in a bed in a bedroom that was once yours is even weirder.

But, staying in a house full of people who feel like and are, for all intents and purposes, complete strangers is the weirdest of them all.

It’s borderline uncomfortable.

Mariella understands the intentions of her parents. Sees how they think and believe her sleeping in her old bedroom could potentially stir some memories. It makes sense. But, it doesn’t work that way.

At least, it’s not working that way for her. 

And to her credit, she tries. Tries to observe and almost study the damn near wall full of photos from her childhood, photos of her with people who are both family and friends. She’s not sure if this was just how she last decorated her old room, but something tells her it’s the result of her family's continued effort to jog her memory. It seems….excessive. But from what she’s gathered, that’s also a good word to describe her personality. Extra. Dramatic even. 

If only she could….connect with that somehow. 

Stepping out of the shower, she takes her time getting ready. Doesn’t rush to get downstairs where she knows she’ll be greeted with a row of smiling, unfamiliar faces. Mariella really does feel bad that she’s having such a difficult time understanding and connecting, because for all intents and purposes, her ‘family’ has been nothing but kind and supportive.

And she knows this has to be difficult for them, but….she can’t force it. 

Even if she wanted to.

Because she damn sure does.

It would all be so much easier that way. 

Sure enough, the smell of bacon sizzling on the fire and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee isn’t the only thing that’s waiting for her in the kitchen.

Her father is the first one to lay eyes on her, his smile small but oh so genuine. “Morning, Ella.”

Mariella does her best to return the smile. From what she’s seen and heard, she’s always been exceptionally close with her dad. With her whole family, really.

“Morning.” 

Her mom turns around at the sound of her voice and entrance, also smiling. It’s bigger and deeper than her dad’s. And she doesn't hesitate to turn the fire on low, clap her hands against her apron and walk over to pull Mariella into a hug.

It’s not missed upon either woman how Mariella initially tenses. And she feels bad for that too. This is her mother for crying out loud. 

April pulls back, the sadness and slight level of rejection evident in her pretty brown eyes that Mariella realizes she inherited from her mother. “I’m sorry, I—”

“No, it’s…it’s okay.” Mariella swallows, forcing an even bigger smile. “You are my mother, after all.”

April’s smile is tight, the coverup for a disappointment Mariella can’t truly understand. “How did you sleep?”

Not very good. “Fine.” She walks over to the machine, lifting the mug that she assumes belongs to her dad given the same word is written in big red letters on said mug. She reaches it to him. 

“Thank you.”

A small nod of acknowledgment as she grabs a new mug and starts to brew her coffee when April speaks from where she stands again by the fire. “I was thinking of going to the promenade today. Olivia is going too. Would you like to join us, Ella?”

Mariella doesn’t have to be looking at her mother to know that while it’s meant to be a question, it’s more of a statement. And while she isn’t opposed, much preferring to be out of the house vs in the house, home videos and photos stuffed down her throat, a true question would be nice vs being told.

“Sure,” she answers with a shrug, turning around and pulling out her phone, opening to the contact she’s found herself thinking about the past couple days. 

Joe.

Their last correspondence was almost a week ago. All limited to texts that seem rather on the dry end considering they’re supposed to be married. She doesn’t really fault him though. In his defense, he seems to be wanting to give her space vs coming on too strong.

Unlike her family.

She sighs loudly, fingers hovering over the keyboard as she debates editing, once again, the text she’s had drafted for a couple of days but hasn’t built the courage to send.

Mariella: Can we facetime or something?

It’s such a simple thing that she’s not sure why she’s overthinking. In the little interaction she had with him at the hospital, she could see that despite his size, he’s a man on the quiet side. That calmness was appreciated, and in the midst of being bombarded with information, she’s found herself missing that to some extent.

Missing….missing him to some extent.

Even if it makes no sense to her. 

“Morning, family.” Olivia’s voice rings into the air, pulling Mariella back into the present. She’s dressed to the nines, and from that alone, without even needing to be told, Mariella knows her sister is a successful woman. She just looks the part. Liv sets a smile that seems a bit off on her, red lipstick contrasting against her almost unnatural, straight, pearly whites. “Hey, sis. How you feeling?”

Such a big question that seems impossible to truthfully answer to the people who are only trying to help. “Good.” So, she lies. “I guess I’m going out with you all shopping today?”

Olivia rolls her eyes and adjusts the expensive looking designer bag on her shoulder. “Of course, you are. We’ve gotta get you back out there.”

“Olivia…” 

Olivia turns to their dad, asking, “what? She has to get back to her life eventually.”

“Leave her be, Liv.”

Olivia rolls her eyes, ignoring April and reiterates, “she needs more than just photos and videos, guys.”

Mariella doesn’t know what she specifically needs but being thrusted into social situations when she still hasn’t memorized her SSN seems to not be it either. 

But still, she remains quiet. 

“Ella.” Mariella turns to her dad, brows raised. “When’s the last time you spoke to Jo—”

“Oh, Ella, I forgot there was something I wanted to show you.” Olivia interrupts the question Mariella was already thinking about without her dad even needing to ask her.

The thing she’s still thinking about even as Olivia pulls out her phone, inundating some random ass photos from back when she was in high school.

The man she can’t seem to stop thinking about.

———-

As expected, shopping has ended up providing just another form of frustration and level of feeling of being overwhelmed.

It wouldn’t be as bad for Mariella if her mom and sister didn’t feel the need to stop and introduce her to almost everyone who’s familiar, to them, that they come across. She feels a bit like a politician, plastering on smiles that don’t meet her eyes and accepting hugs from strangers. Members from church. Old neighbors. Even an old elementary school teacher.

It’s just weird.

So much so that she eventually has to excuse herself, making up some excuse about a headache as she sits outside on a bench in front of the store where Olivia and April continue to shop.

Mariella is grateful for the solitude and uses that to once again play around with just texting her freaking husband of all people. 

She could use some of his quiet right now. 

“Mariella?”

One thing that’s improved is her ability to respond to her name, but it’s who says her name that has Mariella more stumped than anything. 

He’s standing above her, creating a massive shadow and distraction from her sending out the text she’s not exactly sure she wants to actually send. 

He’s wearing a smile that’s objectively friendly, but there’s something about it that feels….off. He’s also objectively attractive, pretty light eyes, tall, sinewy build. Facial features that seem more appropriate for a page out of Vogue vs being on this strip of stores.

“Wow. It really is you.” He scoffs and tucks his sunglasses near the collar of his shirt. “It’s been too long.”

Mariella may not know just who exactly she is, but she does know the difference between being friendly and rude. And she really doesn’t know a nicer way to say her first response other than what comes out. “I’m sorry, I don’t….do we know each other?”

The man frowns a bit. “That’s right. I forgot….” Something tells her he feels uncomfortable outright saying what’s otherwise obvious. Like the fact that she was in a severe accident that knocked the shit out of her. 

And her memories. 

“My name is Brendan. We….we dated back in college.” 

Oh.

Mariella still doesn’t know a lot about herself. Much of anything at all, really. But what she is seeing is that her taste in men is pretty damn good, because this Brendan person is far from ugly. Though it’s hard to not compare. Hard to not think about the contrast between him and Joe, her husband’s voice deep and baritone compared to Brendan’s soprano-like tone. Joe’s massive build to Brendan’s much slender one. Even the height difference. She recalls having to crane her head up to look at Joe. Brendan is a few inches taller than her but nothing significant. 

And those comparisons also have her reconsidering, yet again, keeping the text as it is right now, just drafted in her phone. Has her wondering what benefits could be gained from just sending it, seeing what he says.

“Oh.” The word escapes her head but nothing else comes out, Brendan clearing his throat.

“This may be poor wording, but you look absolutely amazing considering….well….”

“That I almost died?” He looks uncomfortable but also amused. “It’s…it’s okay. I guess it’s a compliment.”

“I didn’t realize you were in town.” He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans, asking. “How long are you here for?”

Hopefully not much longer.

And it’s a thought that she instantly feels bad about. This is her family, and it’s not their fault she can’t remember. Because they’re trying their damn hardest to change that. But, that’s also a part of the problem. 

It’s…..it’s too much.

She feels almost suffocated at times. 

Like now with this Brendan person. 

“I don’t know.” An honest, truthful answer followed up with more honesty. “But, I’ll be going back to California eventually.” Back to be with her husband. One person vs several who seems really great at giving her information but not too much. Largely only when she asks vs being told in heaps of overwhelming data. “With my husband.”

She doesn’t know why she adds on that last part or why she fiddles with the beautiful diamond on her left hand. The ring that she placed on her finger without much thought when given her items upon being discharged. 

Brendan’s lip twitches, his eyes flashing with something that almost looks like irritation. “Of course.” There’s definitely no denying the irritation in his tone. “Listen, I’d love for us to catch up before you leave. A cup of coffee.” Her eyes widen a bit when he adds on, “maybe even dinner—”

“Hello.” 

Another voice. This one a bit more familiar. April stands in the doorway of the store with Olivia. They both wear polar opposite expressions. Olivia is smiling in Brendan’s direction while April’s mouth is in a straight line as she moves to stand beside Mariella.

“Mrs. Holmes. Long time, no see.” The irritation is washed away, swapped out with something amiable but also….inauthentic. Mariella doesn’t know if she��s exactly in a place to be judging people or calling them fake when she doesn’t even know who she is, but there’s something….off about this Brendan character.

She doesn’t know a shit ton about Joe either, other than the basics, but right off the bat, between the two of them, she chose the right one to walk down the aisle with.

Her mom’s smile remains tight. “Maybe not long enough.” This takes Mariella by surprise. She hasn’t seen this side of her mother before. Unfriendly, almost.

Olivia, however, rolls her eyes. “Mother, please. You know Brendan also works for the same firm I’m at.” Ahh. That would explain the smile. “Excuse my mom. It’s been….a lot for all of us.” 

Now, Mariella is the one fighting back confusion. She gets that this has to be difficult for her family. For her to not remember who they are, but it’s not just them she can’t remember. She can’t remember quite literally anything. She’s the one who’s been impacted the most out of this.

She just kinda wishes they would get that more. Would respect the level of intrapersonal difficulty on her end. 

“Of course.” Brendan frowns, but again, it feels inauthentic. “Well, I won’t keep you, ladies—”

“Good.” 

Mariella bites down on her lip, turning away to hide her smile as Olivia looks straight up annoyed at April’s coldness.

“I’ll see you at the office, Brendan.” Olivia says almost apologetically, dragging her eyes back to her mom who seems completely unapologetic for her tone.

Brendan nods, landing his gaze back on Mariella. “Remember my offer, Ella.”

She can’t even find it in her to nod or acknowledge his departing message because there’s not a single part of Mariella that wants to entertain his offer let alone take him up on it. Does he not know she’s married?

It’s once he’s gone that April turns toward Mariella, a genuine smile replacing the fake one. “Sweetie, can you go wait in the car? I need to speak to your sister.”

There’s a part of her that would like to overhear this probably interesting conversation, but the desire to just be away and by herself is more overpowering.

“Sure.” She accepts the key fob and shopping bag from her mom, not hesitating to turn on her heel and head back toward the parking lot. 

And as soon as she’s gone, Olivia is on April, voice harsh and sharp. “Mother, what the hell was that?”

“Watch your language with me, child.” April’s correction is swift as she crosses her arms. “When did you plan to mention Brendan now works with you?”

“Didn’t realize I had to keep you up to date on the latest hires at my job.” She rolls her eyes, also crossing her arms. “Plus, really, mama? How was that a priority with everything we’ve had happening?”

“Watch it, Olivia.” Aprils loves all her children equally, but Olivia has always been the one to push her close to her limits. “I don’t like that boy. He’s a snake.”

“Oh my gosh…” Olivia turns away for a second, coming back as she points out, “you don’t even know him.”

“I don’t have to know him. You know why? Cause I distinctly remember Joe nearly putting him in the hospital for whatever went down between him and your sister.”

Olivia is taken back for a second. Her mom’s memory is as sharp as the best of them. “You mean when he committed aggravated assault and ruined any chances Brendan had for a basketball career?” 

April, however, is not backing down, showing just where Olivia inherited her stubborn personality. “You ever wonder why Joe reacted the way he did? How bad it must have been for him to get that upset?”

“Oh, please. Mama, let’s not act like Joe hasn’t always been a hothead. He’s just better at masking it than BJ.” And before April can protest, Olivia provides facts. “How many times did you and daddy get a call or called down to the office cause BJ got into it with someone, huh? And more often than not, who’d he get in trouble with? Joe.” Olivia shakes her head. “The only reason they always got slaps on the wrist was because they were athletes. Joe has been problematic, and I’m tired of ya’ll not seeing it.” She blows out a big breath. “Brendan is not a bad guy—”

“You saw how he was looking at your sister.” April stresses, lowering her voice. “Don’t no man have no business looking at a married woman like that unless he’s got bad intentions.”

“Ella isn’t even with Joe right now, so what’s the big deal?”

April is quiet for a moment, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What are you up to, Olivia?” 

Olivia easily slides into deflection. “Mama, you’re always so hyper-vigilant—”

April, however, is wise and knowing. She advises with all the seriousness, “don’t think that because your sister can’t remember nothing that you can just rewrite history.”

“Mama—”

“I’m speaking.” And Olivia quiets down because no matter how old she gets, her mother using that tone will never not be able to set her straight. “Hear me, and hear me good, lil’ girl. Ella is home with us now, yes, but she will be going back to California to be with Joe because he is her husband, and her place is with him.”

———-

Spring, 2023 

“You want to what?”

Iris was already having a not so great day. Some inept, thinks he's a hot shot lawyer actually thinking that he can lowball and bully her into convincing a client to accept a deal that’s absolute horse shit.

She had to, of course, show him just why she’s the most sought after manager in entertainment. Ruthlessly.

The thought of his bubble eyes nearly bulging out of his head at her cutthroat response is almost enough for her to actually smile. A rare anomaly that happens every couple of years but is especially not going to happen after what she just heard.

Mariella rolls her eyes, again repeating herself. “I said I’ll do the tour.”

Iris knew she heard her right. It’s just the shock of it all that made her need some level of clarification. “I’m sorry, you do remember that this is a world tour, Ella, right?” And in case she forgot, Iris reminds, “you’d be on tour for nine months.”

“And?” Ella shrugs, continuing to write in her notebook, lyrics of some sort. “It’ll be a great opportunity to connect with my fans.”

“Fuck your fans, Ella.” Iris is quick and borderline nasty with it. “Who gives a fuck about them?” She sits down on the opposite end of the sofa. “I’m thinking about you.”

Iris sees the way that Ella tenses at that last part. “I’m fine, Iris.”

“Bullshit.” She then asks, almost tentatively. “Ella….have you sp—”

“No.” It’s a firm, harsh, borderline cruel shut down. A complete sentence compacted into a single word.

Iris closes her eyes. “I just think—”

“Get me the contract to sign, Iris. That’s all I need you to do.” 

If only Iris was a ‘yes’ man. “You think this shit is healthy, Ella? You’re running away.”

“I don’t need your judgment.”

“I would never judge you.” And it’s the truth. Iris may judge quite literally everyone else who walks this earth. But not Ella nor Promise Rose, her best friends since she was a child. And especially….especially not Ella. Not after…..after what happened. “But, I just—you’re not happy, Ella.”

There’s a brief second of hesitation. “I wasn’t happy before it happened, Iris.”

Voice softening, Iris calmly contradicts her, “yes, you were.” Ella closes the notebook, pushing it to the side and pulling her legs up to her chest, looking away. Even without a clear look at her face, Iris knows the emotions are brewing. “I just—I think if you tell him—”

“No!” That’s what makes Ella snap her watery gaze back on her best friend turned manager. “I—I can’t. I won’t. He doesn’t deserve to know.”

Iris closes her eyes. “Ella—”

“Have you told anyone?”

Iris is almost offended that Ella could even fix her mouth to ask such a question. Ella knows how massive loyalty and trust are to her. “Of course, not. I would never. I just….I hate to see you like this.”

For as long as Iris has known Ella, she’s always been an annoying ass ray of sunshine. Always seeing the bright side of things. Glass always half full. But in recent months, especially after that….something in her has snapped, has gone away into deep hiding. And usually, this is when Iris would gladly push Ella in the arms of her husband. He’s always been Ella’s safe person. 

Now, Iris can’t even get the two in the same room without an argument breaking out. 

They’re both just so….angry with each other.

Or maybe it’s not anger.

Maybe it’s just hurt.

“That’s why I need to get away, Iris.” Ella all but whispers. “I need….I need a new environment. I feel like I’m surrounded by reminders.” She sniffles, quickly wiping at her eyes. “I just….it hurts too much to stick around and have to constantly relive it. I—” Her voice cracks. “Please….please just get me the contract.”

“I will.” Iris doesn’t agree with this, doesn’t like it at all, but she also knows her best friend can be determined as hell. If she doesn’t handle the tour negotiations, Mariella will do it on her own and sign just anything just to get away. To escape. “But, I still think you should talk to J—”

“I hate him!” 

No one says anything. 

Iris is truly stunned into silence. In the two decades that have transpired since the beginning of her friendship, She has never known Mariella to express such strong sentiments against another human being. It’s almost against her nature. 

But to say such a thing towards Joe? Her person?

Iris now realizes just how deeply this hurt and trauma lies.

That maybe….that maybe their relationship truly is irreparable at this point. That lies, deception, betrayal, and everything else under the sun has destroyed something she once thought indestructible. 

———-

Present 

The last name Joe expected to see pop up on his phone is the exact name that’s flashing along with his contact photo for her which happens to be them a couple years back when they finally went on a long awaited honeymoon to Bora Bora. She’s in front of him, his arms around her, her smile big and wide, eyes closed as he kisses her cheek.

It’s one of his favorite pictures of them, and even after all this time, after everything that’s happened….he hasn’t been able to bring himself to change it.

Even….even when for a brief while, he thought he hated her. 

There’s a second of delay as Joe hits the green button, officially accepting her FaceTime call. 

His connection is the strongest it’s been all day because she’s almost instantly filling his phone screen.

“Hey….”

She smiles, and Joe takes a minute to take her in. The cuts and bruises on her face have almost entirely healed. She doesn’t look as pale as she was laid up in the hospital bed. Her curly hair is pulled into two space buns. “Hi. Is—is this a bad time?” She’s outside, clearly. In her parents backyard on the swing that holds a million and one memories. 

Joe shakes his head. “No.” Even if it was, it wouldn’t make a difference. This is the first time she’s called him since being with her family. He’d make whatever work if need be. “How are you feeling?”

She chuckles, but it’s bitter. Almost resentful. “Overwhelmed.” 

Joe sits up more, naturally asking, “you wanna talk about it?”

“Thank you for actually asking.” Her voice is soft as she leans back into the swing, answering truthfully, “I know they mean well, and they’re just trying to help, but—”

He finds it almost too easy to finish her statement. Knowing her, her tics and whatnot has always been so easy. “It’s too much.”

“I just….” She blows out a breath. “You seem a lot more chill, and….and you ask me what questions I have instead of just telling me shit that I don’t remember and feel any sort of way about, even though I know I should.”

“It’s….it’s gonna take time.” And that’s truly a guesstimate on Joe’s end, because the official medical recommendation on her amnesia is that it’s unknown when or if she’ll ever fully restore her memories.

And he’s still so damn torn on just how he feels about that.

“I was wondering…” She looks down, pausing. This is such an unfamiliar thing for Joe. He’s not used to her being so quiet. His wife is many things, and quiet is none of them. “I know you’re on the road and stuff, but…is there anyway I can like….join you for a bit?” She quickly adds, “I don’t know if that’s even a thing—”

“It is,” he finds himself answering. Quickly. Probably too quickly. “I travel on a bus for the most part, stay in hotels for the rest, so if you wanted—”

“I do,” she also answers quickly. “I just…I think I need something different. This.” She motions between herself and the camera. “This is a lot easier than having over 30 years of history shoved down my throat.”

Joe feels for her, hates hearing the conflict in her voice, and he doesn’t blame or fault her family. They’re probably doing the best they can. It’s just….not what she needs right now.

“When…..when can I come?”

The almost desperation in her voice catches his attention, creating a sense of excitement in his stomach that’s quickly quenched by the wise reminder that she’s not coming for him. She’s coming to get away. Not that the specific reason makes much of a difference. He just wants to see her.

“When do you want to come?”

She chews down on her bottom lip. “Would tomorrow be too soon?”

His eyes widen a bit as he clarifies. “Tomorrow?”

She nods. “I’m—I’m sure I can get a flight out.”

She could, but he has a better option. “You should use the jet.”

Ri is understandably confused. “Jet?”

Joe has to remind himself yet again to approach this a bit from a tabula rasa standpoint. “You have a private jet. Through your record label.” He does too, but that’s not what’s important right now. He’s also partially confused why they didn’t take it when flying home to Florida, but it’s not a major thing. Nothing worth thinking too much about. 

She makes an ‘O’ with her mouth. “That’s right, we are, like, rich, aren’t we?”

He chuckles. “Now, yes.”

She gives a little smile, asking, “I guess there’s a story there?”

“There’s a lot of stories with us, Ri….” His voice is quiet as he clears his throat, not necessarily wanting to go down that road. “If you’re serious about coming—”

“I am.” She speaks up, shoulders dropping. “I just—I think it’d be nice to spend some time with you. Hear about that part of my life at my own pace.” He nods, understanding where she’s coming from, trying not to put too much into her comment about wanting to directly spend time with him. “Is it just you on the bus?”

“Basically. My cousins sometimes hang out, but they have their own bus, so I gladly kick them out when it starts getting late.”

She smiles, and Joe is close to screenshotting, wanting to add it to his collection when her smile dips into something else, eyes squinting. “J—Jon, right?” Joe sits up more. “And…..Jo—Josh?” He scoffs, in a partial state of disbelief and shock. “They’re….they’re twins, aren’t they?”

He nods, unable to speak. Did….did she really just remember something? On her own?

A frown falls on her face. “I don’t….can’t remember anything other than that and something….I don’t know, something about Uno?” 

Joe laughs. The best laugh he’s had in some time, since this whole nightmare began. “Before your schedule got super crazy, you’d come on the road with me, and you and my cousins always played Uno, and it always ended up being a thing because you all suck and can never agree on the rules.”

She giggles, eyes twinkling with mischief. “And what about you? Are you any good?”

He scoffs. “Better than ya’ll.” 

Her mouth drops open as she declares. “Okay, then we definitely need to play when I get there. Cause I feel like I might surprise ya’ll. Maybe I could beat you.”

Joe makes a sound. “You can try. You've never been able to beat me. None of ya’ll.”

She crosses her arms and exclaims with all the confidence. “Oh, I’ve gotta knock you down a peg. Are you always this arrogant?” She asks, head tilted. 

His correction is calm and assured. “Not arrogant, baby. Confident.” 

Her smile deepens, and Joe finds himself enjoying her company more than he has in some time. Even if it’s through a damn phone. “Yeah, well, you’ve got the looks to back it up. Let’s see if you have the talent.”

She has no idea. “Just remember you asked for this.”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes, and they exchange a prolonged locking of gazes. “I—-that’s the first thing I’ve remembered on my own, and you….you didn’t even have to try to force it.” 

She swallows, voice softening. “I’d really like to come see you.”

He wants her to come too. More than she could know. “Text your sister. Everly. Not Olivia. See if she’ll fly out with you. If not, I’ll come. You don’t need to be traveling by yourself.”

Ri frowns. “I don’t—I was medically cleared to travel.”

“Yes, and you did so without incident because your team hadn’t announced you’d been released yet, but now the public knows you’re out. They spot you, and the fucking paparazzi will be all over you. You don’t need that.” Mariella has never enjoyed the constant flashing of lights and cameras in her face anyway. 

He doesn’t want her dealing with that on her own. “Okay.” She then asks, “Why not ask Olivia?”

Joe debates how to approach this. “Your sister and I….we’ve never gotten along. If she knows you’re coming to see me, she’ll probably decline to travel with you. Everly is more or less a flower child. She’ll be fine with it.”

It’s the best answer he can come up with in the moment. He happens to think Olivia is a certified bitch who sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong, but he would never do anything to create a biased view of how she sees her sister.

Anyone in her family. 

Ri chuckles, and he half expects her to ask why her sister doesn’t like her husband, but she instead hits him with something unexpected. “Do you know who Brendan is?”

And just like that, any relaxed state he had is ripped away with a single name. “Brendan?” She nods. “Where did you see him? How?”

She seems taken back by his questions, and he hates bombarding her, but that fucker is one person that always will be able to get Joe to act out of character. 

She honestly offers more information than he was expecting. “I—today at the promenade out with my mom and sister. I get the sense my mom doesn’t like him, but Olivia seemed friendly. I guess they work together.”

Fucking Olivia….yeah, Joe’s definitely gonna have to bite the bullet and text her. Because in no way, shape, or form does he want that son of a bitch anywhere around his Ri. And the fact that he may even be a fucking attorney or lawyer blows Joe’s mind.

That creep should be the one in jail. 

“He’s not a good person, and he needs to stay the fuck away from you.” Before she can ask anything else, he tells her, “let me know what Everly says. If not, I’ll have a flight out tomorrow morning.” He’s definitely got to get her out of there now. He wants to put and keep as much distance between Mariella and Brendan as possible, and if she remembered just why they broke up, she’d want the same. 

Mariella nods. “I—I can call her now.”

“Do that.”

She swallows. “Okay.” Mariella opens her mouth and seems to hesitate for a minute. “Thank you, Joe.”

Her thanking him feels weird, because he’s never looked for that from her. Never really wanted it really. Just wanted her. Her love. Her trust.

Getting into that not so great place, he shakes his head, reminding, “just text me whenever you find out, I’ll keep my notifications on.

This seems to please her. “Okay.” She gives him another smile. Of a parting and appreciative nature. “Bye.”

“Bye.” She ends the call, and despite him deep down knowing he should wait until he’s calmed down a bit to message Olivia, Joe’s fingers seem to move faster than his brain. 

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-Twenty One

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: This entire chapter will be in Angel's POV! Hence the gif! Now before any of y'all ask, no! This isn't a love triangle chapter. Its about a girl who meets someone that has gone through the same thing she has and they have a moment together where they help each other over come those evil parts of their pasts (Platonically) Two people finding their "friendship" soulmates, if ya will.

FUCK YOU. EAT SHIT. KILL GOD. DETHRONE.

We are Fallenvvitch. Goodnight.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic @collapsedglasshouses

READER

I sat on my bed with the notebook perched on my lap with papers and discarded pens all over my bedroom. Salem curled up on my pillow next to me, his purring an eerily calm background noise as it combined with the scratching of my pen on paper. 

“I know it’s colder where I’m at,” I muttered in a soft tune. 

Ew, no not that. 

I scratched through the words with such force it ripped through the paper. 

“Fuck,” I cursed while tossing the book onto the floor then rubbed ink-stained hands over my face. 

I went through four different pens by now and changed the paper from my spiral notebook to printer paper. I had been held up in my room all night writing, not wanting to be bothered. With our tour starting in a few days, we needed to leave tomorrow which meant I spent most of my day and afternoon packing and getting things in order. 

For the last few days, Hollow Souls had been working tirelessly to practice our setlist and make sure all of our visuals were spot on. It was our first tour of just the three of us and my nerves were taking over every aspect of my life. I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that I was about to spend the next two weeks with my favorite artist. 

nothing, nowhere. 

Joe’s music had been a huge part of my healing process for years so when he reached out with the idea of opening up for Hollow Souls, immediately we agreed. Even though the nerves were still there, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I couldn’t count how many times I picked up my phone, wanting to text Noah, but always backed out. I told him I needed some time, truthfully I think I needed it to remind myself I could be my own person and succeed with this band for a little while. 

Maybe I needed to prove to myself that I was able to take the lead of this band without anyone pointing the finger, thinking it was someone else behind the curtain. There wasn’t someone else. It was me.

My heart began to stutter in my chest, blood running cold, so I took a deep breath while counting to four; exactly like Dr. Poulos told me to do. Soon, I felt heat spread within me as the image of Noah danced behind my eyelids. I missed him and yearned for his presence. My stomach was in knots since the second I left his house a few days ago. 

“I know it’s warmer where you are,” my eyes snapped open as the words fell from my lips. 

Fuck, that's good. 

We confessed, we told the truth. A weight was lifted off me. Noah loves me. 

He fucking loves me back. 

“I know it’s warmer where you are, and it’s safer by your side,” I sang while quickly writing it down on a fresh piece of paper.  “Right now I can’t be what you want, just give it time.”  

I began to ache at times, my stomach was sore, and my head would pound. It was often like this that I began to think I’d caught a cold. I wasn’t- it was just me feeling empty. I knew whatever this moment of self-reflection was, it was worth it. I love Noah and he loved me back.

We’d be together; soon. I had to believe that. I knew in my gut. I trusted it but I hope he trusted me.

“Cause if you and I can make it through the night,” my voice was loud now as I felt comfortable with how the lyrics were now pouring out of me. 

But there was this nagging feeling inside of me that I couldn't ignore. We last texted each other at 10 p.m. that night saying we loved each other. The invisible string that always seemed to connect us was urging me to text him. This was something else I couldn’t ignore. 

It was important to me that with this new love, the love for Noah, we have made the effort to fully heal first so we do the inner work that is required to become a whole person once more. All born into our era, our family, our body. We can only be ourselves and accountable for ourselves. He needed to know I loved him, and that I’d come to him. 

Was it selfish of me to walk away after we confessed our love? I wasn’t sure. I just knew it was important for us both to grow from our experiences. So be that rare kind of true love and this bond will be eternal. That I promise him.

With a deep breath, I shifted my attention to my phone and decided to send the message before I doubted myself again. 

Me: I love you, mochi. 

Before I could even set my phone down, it buzzed in my hand with a new message. 

Mochi 🍡: I love you, angel.

The crushing weight that I felt gripping around my heart lifted as I read Noah’s message over and over again. Although we were apart for the time being, we would be alright because we loved each other. I lay here in deep thought and my mind wandered back to my primal need for intimacy.  There is that feeling of maturity, the admittance of being in love with Noah. It arrived without fanfare. Our souls were humble travelers and I could feel the bruise begin to form on my shoulder, so desperate to feel him again.

Salem rubbed his head against my arm and I brought him into my chest, peppering his face in kisses. 

“We can meet in the middle, body and souls collide. Dance in the moonlight,” I muttered to myself. 

Noah and I have a long road together, and it’s one I wanted to last. 

A knock sounded on my door before it opened slowly, Chase's stern smile on his lips. 

Uh oh. 

He leaned against the door frame. "Sweets, I love you. You know I do. But you're fucking killing me with the paint on the carpet in the dining room." 

I knew it. 

"I'm sorry! I know, I know.” I nodded with a long sigh. “It's just the lighting in my bedroom sucks compared to the light in the dining room. I'll put down a drop next time."

Malcolm came into my room, laying a kiss on Chase’s cheek before falling onto the end of my bed somehow missing the mess I created with my writing. 

“Don’t be so hard on her, Chase,” Malcolm said before motioning to my bed. “How’s the writing going?” 

I shrugged. “It’s going, I guess. I think my mind is so preoccupied with the next few weeks that it’s hard to focus.” 

“Excited?” Chase questioned. 

“Excited?” I scoffed. “I’m fucking ecstatic. In less than twenty-four hours I’m going to meet one of my idols and tour with him for two weeks.” 

Malcolm spoke next. “Feeling confident with the setlist?” 

“Yeah! I think we’ve got a good amount of songs and I’m stoked to perform Eyelids live. I think it will be a great way to tease the new album.” 

I’d been very apprehensive to put one of the newer songs on the set list only because some fans weren’t supportive of Eyelids or St. Patrick when they first came out. But Hollow Souls were evolving into a new era and we couldn’t continue to be stuck in the past. 

“Ethan said the bus will be here to pick us up by noon tomorrow,” Chase informed. “Are you all packed and ready?” 

I pointed to the three suitcases at the other end of my room but as Salem jumped off my lap to go lay with Malcolm, I realized something important. 

"Oh, shit. I forgot to see if someone can take care of Salem,” I chastised myself. 

I didn’t miss the glance the two of them shared and raised a brow as Malcolm spoke up.  "Already taken care of."

“You asked Noah, didn’t you?” I couldn’t help the smile that crept on my face. 

“Maybe,” he shrugged while giving Salem some belly rubs. 

Chase rolled his eyes before pushing himself off the door frame and sitting next to Malcolm. “Of course we did. Who else would you ask?” 

“I could have asked Jolly or Jesse. I didn’t want to put this on Noah,” I admitted with a shaky breath. 

“Well, he’s basically Salem’s dad now,” 

“Malcom!” I smacked his shoulder. 

“I’m just saying,” he chuckled while rubbing his arm. 

“We’re not official yet, guys,” I ran a hand through my hair before pulling my knees to my chest. “Please don’t do that.” 

“No way,” Chase shook his hand as Malcolm rested a hand on his thigh. “We’re not doing that. You need to think of the positives. You two said you love each other. Soon you will find your way back to one another.” 

“I love your optimism,” I said while playfully rolling my eyes. 

“Hey, smart ass. We know these things,” Malcolm snorted while still playing with Salem. 

“You do, huh? Do you have connections to the other side?” I teased. 

“We were watching a show last week about alternate universes and shit. It made me think that maybe there’s more of us out there, ya know?” he squeezed Chase’s knee. “Who the hell knows, maybe you and Noah fucked one night, magically fell in love, and went on the road with him. By the end of it, you moved into an apartment that’s right across the street from his house because you couldn’t fathom being away from him,” Chase spoke with a smirk.

My face reddened as I shifted my gaze downwards. “Wow, that’s-uh-you really thought about that.”

Malcolm laughed. “Or what if in another life, Noah walked through literal flames for you.” 

I snorted at that thought because there was no way Noah would risk his life to walk through a fire to save my life, even if I was hanging from a building. 

“Now you’re talking about shit people read in romance novels. Did my long-lost brother start the fire as well?” 

Malcolm narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m just saying, the two of you will find your way. We’re proud of you and how far you’ve come. You and Noah will grow together.”  

My heart jumped in my throat at how sincere Malcolm sounded and the way Chase’s eyes danced as he stared at me. 

“Thank you guys. That means a lot to me,” I smiled. 

“Always sweets, always,” Chase kissed my forehead. “You’re the miracle Noah needed, you know?” 

“I think he was the miracle I needed as well,” I admitted. 

READER

“Wow, Dallas. You are all such beautiful souls tonight. I cannot express our gratitude for all the support we’ve been getting this tour. We’re only four shows in and we’re having the best fucking time. Thank you,” I smiled into the microphone while tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind my ear. 

The crowd cheered wildly as Chase pounded the foot pedal of his drum, the beat making my heart thump hard in my chest. It was night four of the tour and even though it was straight show after show and I was exhausted, I let the energy from the crowd up me hype to finish tonight strong. 

The support of this tour had been fucking outstanding. Every show was sold out and we even had to move our last show into a bigger arena due to high demand. The three of us were so unbelievably proud of the direction we were headed and we didn’t want to look back. 

“Before we play our last song, I think we need to show our opener some love!” I said into the microphone. 

The crowd clapped and screamed but I frowned while shifting my weight on one foot while shaking my head. 

“That’s pretty weak. I want the fucking roof to blow off of here. Let’s hear it for nothing, nowhere!” 

Chase and Malcolm played an in-sync beat as the crowd screamed, cheered, clapped, and jumped up and down. 

“That’s better.” I nodded with a smile while adjusting my guitar. “Not many know this but I’m such a huge fan of nothing, nowhere so to be here touring with him has me fangirling pretty hard right now.” 

I peered over to the side stage where Joe was leaning, watching our set with a smile. We met a few days ago and even though I did my best to keep my composure, I was a giddy girl on the inside. He and Malcolm had a lot in common which made them click almost immediately which made tour life easy for all of us. 

“So,” I cleared my throat while staring back out toward the crowd. “Our final song is a new one and I’m so excited to perform it in front of all of you. Our new album White Noise will be released in a few months. It’s different than our first three but we promise that it’ll be worth it.” 

As the crowd clapped and cheered, I smiled. “My friends, thank you. This song is   called Eyelids.” 

As we began the song over the loud cheers of excitement, I let my eyes flutter shut as yet again, memories of mine and Noah’s night flashed in my mind. 

"Noah," I breathed while breaking apart from the kiss.

He buried his face into the crook of my neck to breathe me in. "Say it again."

I did, over and over like a mantra, as he left a mark on the skin of my neck while his hand switched to the other breast, mimicking his actions from before. The wetness that pooled between my legs was almost a new feeling, never been this turned on.

With one touch I could have sworn he entered my soul. As if my body was his key. He entered me and it fit, pun not intended. Not a thing of metal nor gold, Yet a sensation of love that came.

"I want to hear you," he left a gentle bit on the inside of my thigh

I used the small break-in lyrics to let out a deep breath, doing my best to remain centered so I could finish the rest of the song strong

Noah was in every aspect of my mind, no matter how hard I tried to focus on the song. 

His fingertips, his eyes, his lips on every inch of skin, or the way Noah steadied our breaths. “Breathe through it with me.” 

I did as he said, both of us breathing out my orgasm as our eyes locked intently with each other. I writhed against him, my arousal soaking the condom and parts of his hips. It was such a simple action but the way it set my body on fire intensified the aftershocks to something I'd never experienced. Noah stared down to the place where we met and with a noisy moan, he wrapped an arm tighter around me to pull me flush against his chest as his hips stilled for a second before he emptied himself inside the condom.

Through his sweet words and the resolution of my survival self to never let anyone else sit at my core. He was already there.

As the song ended and I thanked the crowd with a bow, I thought how relieved I was to discover my pure self. That this with Noah could be real love. There was no temptation to change because it was our real selves that bonded us. It is our real selves that each other loves.

That night, I walked away from him without listening to his pleas but now, we were different. We had grown together, for each other.  

Tonight, I vowed then and there under the bright lights of this stage that I’d stay.

I would always stay with Noah. 

“Kick ass show tonight, guys!” Joe cheered while giving us a round of high-fives. 

I smirked while whipping out my phone. “Thanks, Joe! Give me a few minutes and we can head to karaoke.” 

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Whose time zone is it tonight?” 

“Mine” I smirked into my phone while I quickly typed out a message. 

 Me: I love you, mochi.

“Oh,” a hand with a rose tattoo waved in front of my face. “Who has you smiling like that?” 

Playfully narrowing my eyes at Joe, I stuck out my tongue at him. “Someone is nosy.” 

Just then a new message popped up and my heart fluttered when I saw Noah’s response. It was the same response for the last week but every time, my smile spread wide on my face. 

Mochi 🍡: I love you too, angel.

When I went to put my phone back into my pocket, it vibrated with a new message, this time it was a video from Noah of Salem lying on a couch, one I hadn’t seen before. 

“Salem, say hi to your mom. She misses you,” Noah’s voice came from the background. 

I broke out in an even bigger smile and giggled when my cat did not move, didn't even bat an eye as Noah scratched behind his ears. But the music playing in the background suddenly caught my attention. 

The lyrics sounded so familiar. 

“Gave you way too many chances but it wasn't enough.” 

I replayed the video a few more times to make sure. 

“No way,” I muttered, not paying attention to the conversation behind me with Joe, Malcolm, and Chase. 

I quickly sent a text to Noah. 

Me: Hi Salem baby! Mom misses you! Also, I hear something in the background. Is it..?

Mochi 🍡: He’s napping. He had a long day of playing outside. 

My brow peaked. 

Me: You took him outside?

Mochi 🍡: Don’t worry, angel. We had him on a harness and leash. He loved laying in the sun on the back patio. 

“Sweets, let’s go!” Chase called from behind. “The karaoke place closes in like an hour!” 

I waved him off before texting Noah back. 

Me: I trust you with him, Noah. But what’s that playing in the background of your video? 

He responded with another video and when his face graced my screen, my heart jumped into my throat. 

Fuck. Me. 

Mochi 🍡: I can’t wait for you to hear the final version. 

“Well, who’s that?” 

Joe peered over my shoulder causing me to jump slightly while clutching the phone close to my chest. 

“Geez, can’t a girl get some privacy?” I asked with flushed cheeks. 

The image of Noah in that video played in my mind on a fucking loop and I suddenly did not want to go out with the guys tonight. 

Joe raised a brow. “Oh, that’s him?” 

Malcolm looked between Joe and me, noticing how red my face was. “What the hell did Noah send you?” 

“No-nothing. Just a video of Salem,” I stammered at first but was quick to recover.  

Chase’s mouth parted to speak but soon his eyes turned dark, jaw clenching as he stared past me. 

“What’s wr-,” I didn’t get a chance to ask because an all too familiar voice crept deep into my bones, ripping me apart from the inside out.

“You still have that fucking cat?” 

My heart sunk low to the depths of my stomach and I let my eyes flutter shut, all the breath leaving my lungs. 

No. No. No. Please, not here. Not now.

“He can’t be,” I shook my head while keeping my eyes trained hard on Chase, doing my best to stay centered. 

Do as Dr. Poulos says; deep breath in for three seconds, long breath out for four seconds.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Malcolm spat while stepping in front of me. 

“I needed to come to check out the new Hollow Souls,” the deep voice chuckled darkly. 

I didn’t miss the venom in his words. 

But I never turned around, simply kept my gaze straight on Chase who still refused to look at me; his own hard gaze was trained on the man behind me. Joe noticed the sudden tension and rested a gentle hand on my elbow. 

“Y/N?” His words were white noise. 

I’m imagining this. He’s not here right now. There’s no way. 

“You looked good on that stage, baby. Although, I bet you’d look even better in the back of it.” 

No. No. No. 

A sharp whistle. “I know you hear me.” 

“What the hell are you doing here? Why are you here?” Chase’s voice was thick with anger. 

The voice that I spent so many days in therapy talking about let out a low scoff. 

“What? I came to see my protégé.” 

Malcolm pushed me towards Joe. “Can you take her back to our bus? We’ll be there soon.” 

I shook my head feverishly with tears brimming in my eyes, my back still to the one I refused to look at. 

“No. It’s not worth it. Please guys,” I begged while Joe wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Please come with me.” 

Chase’s eyes softened when he finally peered down at me. “It’ll be okay, sweets. We’re just going to talk; promise.” 

“Come on,” Joe urged my frozen state a few steps. 

Until that darkness pulled me back into the place I spent many days dragging myself out of. 

“Oh, it seems as if you’re back to your old ways. Fucking the opening act, huh? How does good ‘ol Noah feel about that?” Trey did the jerking-off gesture at Noah’s name.

“FUCK YOU!” I screamed as I spun on my heels, Joe’s arm falling away from me. “Don’t you dare say his name. You haven’t earned the right to talk about him!” 

Those cold eyes that I swore at one point I’d have a future with bore into my soul as he ran a hand through the curly locks on his head. Trey smirked wickedly at me. 

“I should call him up. Better yet,” He stuck a cigarette on his lips. “Maybe I’ll send him the video I took of you two ogling each other while you were on stage.” 

I took a step towards Trey but Malcolm held out his arm to stop me, only for me to push it away. 

“Go ahead! You have absolutely no fucking idea what you’re talking about. We should have had you fucking blacklisted,” my upper lip curled, barring my teeth. 

“Good luck, baby. My name gets me places, I can’t help it. Plus, I needed to come see my protege. Since I fucking made you,” Trey twirled his hand towards me with a snide smirk. 

“MADE ME?!” My eyes doubled as my voice roared through the dwindling venue as fans slowly took their time leaving. 

The stagehands and crew members paused their work to watch my outburst. 

I took a deep breath to center myself again, not wanting to create a scene right now when there were still so many prying eyes.  “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed the show. We’re doing fine without you.” 

Turning my back to him yet again, I allowed Joe to lead me away with a hand ghosting over my lower back; until Trey’s voice stopped me. 

“You’re so broken you don’t even trust yourself.”  

“Y/N,” Joe’s voice was soft as he shook his head. “It’s not worth it. Come-.” 

“Excuse me?!” I turned swiftly on my heels, hair whipping over my shoulder. 

Trey shrugged while reaching for a strand of my hair, twirling it between his fingers. “You heard me.” 

I smacked his hand away, the noise echoing loudly backstage. “No. No, I don’t think I did. Say it again.” 

“You’re broken.” Now his hands were in his pocket, a lit cigarette hanging loosely on his lips. “That uh- that new song? That's about him, isn’t it? Where is he?”

Trey made a show of looking around backstage. “I don’t see him anywhere. Oh, let me guess. You demolished it right? ‘Cause we all know you can’t have a perfect thing without doing that.” 

My hands curled at my side, knuckles turning white from how hard my nails dug crescent moon shapes into my palm.  

“You don’t know a fucking thing about me, Trey! You never did and you don’t know a fucking thing about Noah, okay?”

“I don’t need to. I know enough,” Trey blew the smoke towards Malcolm. 

Before he could take a step towards him, Chase wrapped an arm around his chest to pull him away. 

“You know he has asthma, you piece of shit!” I pushed Trey hard in the chest. “No. No! No! You’re not going to do this.” 

“Do what? We both get off on hurting other people,” Trey snickered while taking a step toward me. “I tell you the fucking truth. You’re on the stage singing your pretty little lullabies and maladaptive daydreams because I let you! And you know what else? That little Sykes wanna be?” 

When he made the gesture of sucking a dick, I nearly gagged in my mouth at how disgusting and vulgar Trey actually was. 

Anger filled my veins as he continued to spew his venom. Every single thing Trey said was meant for one thing; to hurt and destroy. He’d spent years perfecting it and before, I’d swim in it. 

Now? Now I was different and I wasn’t afraid of standing up to him. 

“No! Shut the fuck up!” I ran a wild hand through my hair before pointing a finger at him. “You were such a poison that I should have avoided. Every single part of you. I thought you wanted to save me but in the end, all you did was break me!” 

Tears fell from my eyes and I was quick to wipe them away. I refused to cry in front of everyone; especially Trey. He didn’t get the privilege to break me. Not again. 

“How dare you reach out your hand? You said you loved me but acted like you hated me,” I choked on a sob. “I should have run but I didn’t.” 

Trey flicked the ashes on the ground at my feet with a fake pout on his lips but before he could say anything I pointed another finger into his chest causing him to stumble back.

“No! I have to get this off my chest! There’s more shit I have to say!” 

I could feel the proud smiles of Chase, Malcolm, and even Joe as they all flanked behind me. Not stepping in but still wanting to be close in case they needed to. 

“You’re not half the man you think you are! You’re not! You’re abusive, an addict, and I hated the way you would make me feel. Everything I did was under a constant microscope with you.” 

I began to list things on my fingers. “I couldn’t dress the way I wanted. I couldn’t talk to who I wanted. I couldn’t even fucking talk about things that I enjoyed because if it didn’t involve you, it wasn’t important. In the beginning, you needed to know my every single fucking move. But the one night you went out with your friends and I asked where you were going, you thought it would be funny to choke me!” 

“What the fuck?!” Chase roared while stepping up next to me. 

I placed a hand on his chest but kept my eyes on Trey. “I’ve outgrown you, I fell out of every trace of love and respect for you, Trey. I’ve moved fucking past you. Yes, in the beginning, I thought that maybe there might have been a chance for us. But you found yourself on drugs and nicotine. A hollow body like a figurine and I always felt like an accessory.” 

Joe turned his head towards me with a small smile on his lips. 

“Looking back now, I can see it. You always tried to put me in the background. I wasted so much fucking time on you and you wasted so much Hollow Souls time. You held us back for so long because you thought you knew what was best for us.”

A muscle in Trey’s jaw ticked. “I fucking made you. I made this band.” 

I rolled my eyes while crossing my arms over my chest. “Oh, please. Everyone knows that Hollow Souls was my idea. I was the one who asked Chase and Malcolm to join. I wrote the songs. I wanted to produce our songs but you immediately shot that idea down claiming it was too much work and not worth it.” 

Thankfully, it was long after our show ended and the main part of the venue had cleared out but there were still workers backstage as they tore down our equipment. They acted like they weren’t listening to our fight but I knew that with the glances our way every so often, they heard everything. 

“You always wanted to change shit that didn’t need to be changed,” he snarled. 

I held my arms out wide. “And look where I’m at? Every show on this tour is sold out. We had to upgrade to a bigger venue because of high demand.” 

“What?” Trey tossed his cigarette to the ground. “Do you want a fucking medal for that?” 

I stepped on the bud of the cigarette, stepping right up into Trey’s space. “You fucked with my head knowing that I couldn't take it and for that, I can't forgive you. I’ll never forgive you.” 

Chase waved over security as my final words relieved the weight that I didn’t know was on my shoulders. I thought that the last time I saw Trey I wouldn’t need to say my peace but saying it now, I felt as if I could breathe easier. 

“I don’t need you to forgive me, Y/N.” He scoffed. “Noah will never love you and that you won’t blame me for.” 

My lips twitched in a smile as I breathed through the last of my stray tears. “You’re wrong, Trey. He does love me, and I love him. You won’t disturb my peace anymore, never again. I’m moving on, and I’m happy. You should be sad, and truly I feel sorry for you.” 

I took a step back to stand in between Chase and Malcolm just as security snuck up behind Trey. 

“I hope you choke in your sleep while you're dreaming of me. I fucking hope when you suffocate in your sheets that I'll be the last thing you see. Goodbye, Trey,” 

My hands shook at my side, something that Joe noticed so he gave them a reassuring squeeze. 

One of the security guards grasped Trey’s elbow to drag him out but he ripped it from the guy's grasp. Trey eyed all four of us, his gaze lingering on me a few seconds longer than the others before he spat on the ground at my feet. 

The old me would have let that bother her. But the new me simply smirked as I watched security escort Trey out of the building. 

Ethan came up to us in haste as he looked back towards Trey. “What the fuck was he doing here?!” 

Malcolm made sure that Trey was out of sight then turned towards Ethan, pointing a stern finger at him. “Do whatever you can to get that piece of shit blacklisted from any Hollow Souls shows in the future.” 

“Bad Omens too,” I nodded firmly. 

Chase cupped my cheek. “Sweet, are you alright?” 

Through tears, I nodded. “I’m okay. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that.”

“How do you feel?” He had a faint smile on his lips.

I gnawed on my bottom lip, really thinking about Chase’s question. 

Relief. 

This felt like a new wave of freedom. Something I’ve yet to experience in a long while. A new form. 

I looked back at my new friend and then at my brothers; my family.  Those who bring a sense of love into my life. We can make choices to care for the self and still be kind. I had so much to say to him. It felt good to release it- yet; still I killed him with kindness. Something he’d never dare show me.

You can care better for others from strength than weakness. 

At the expense of my own comfort. It’s a prudence with integrity that awaits the right moment to be brave. I felt brave. 

I was ready for my new beginnings.

Joe motioned behind me. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your bus.” 

While Malcolm and Chase hung back to talk more with Ethan about what happened I allowed Joe to lead me outside. The cool night air danced around me with a comforting touch and I let it ease my heated skin. As I made the walk towards where the bus was, Joe had other plans and dragged me to a bench at the back of the venue. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Sit.” When I didn’t move, Joe nodded to the bench behind me. “Sit down, Y/N. Take a breather. I can see the rage in your eyes and the vein in your neck is doing a weird twitch thing.” 

Instinctively, my hand went to my neck, rubbing at it, before sitting on the bench with a long breath; Joe doing the same. 

We let a long beat of silence fall between us and with the sudden breeze of cold air, I shivered and covered my bare arms suddenly wishing I didn’t wear the dress with skinny straps. 

“Cold?” Joe wondered. 

When I nodded, he handed over his jacket which I took gratefully. “I’ll make sure to give it back to you.” 

“Good,” he snorted playfully. “Because it’s my favorite.”

I chuckled while easing onto the bench, now warm. “About what happened inside with Trey-.”

Joe bumped his shoulder with mine. “Don’t even worry about it. I’ve been through something similar. I did love how you threw in lyrics from Clarity in Kerosene. ”

I rubbed my hands on my thighs, suddenly nervous. “Uh, yeah. Your album Reaper means a lot to me so it felt therapeutic in a way.” 

We sat for another long while, enjoying the quiet that shocked us for being in the middle of the city. It was in the middle of the night but neither of us was complaining. 

“It’s an honor doing this tour with you, Joe. I’ve been a fan for so long.” I smiled at him.

“Hey, the honor is all mine,” he ran a hand through his hair with a sheepish smile. “Hollow Souls has been on my playlist for a long time.”

A familiar memory of long ago crept into my mind of someone saying the same thing. 

“We're huge fans of Hollow Souls. Noah has your music on the playlist we play during the wait time for our shows.”

 “Ya know, someone else told me the same thing the first time I met him,” I said with a warm smile. 

Joe’s brow peaked. “Yeah? Seems like I’ll have to meet this someone.” 

Noah flashed in my mind now; his infectious smile, his bright almond eyes, and the sound of his laughter made my heart flutter. Even though he was hundreds of miles away, our souls were always connected. It was as if he was sitting right here with me. I could feel the ghost of his hand on my thigh and his lips on mine. 

“I love you, angel,” those eyes glimmered as he watched me. 

“Hm,” I hummed while bumping my shoulder with Joe’s again. “Maybe someday.” 

READER

As I stepped out of the bathroom, towel-drying my long locks, I sighed in content and made work of getting ready. It was an off day but I had no plans, something I intended to keep so much so that I was dressed in a pair of Bad Omens joggers and a black crop top tank. My typical stay-home outfit. 

Just when I was about to load up my laptop to continue writing, there was a persistent knock on my hotel room door. It wasn’t Chase or Malcolm since they mentioned to me earlier that they were spending the day doing a joint interview and then getting something to eat. 

Some would think it was weird that I wasn’t going to an interview with them but Hollow Souls were all for doing our own separate interviews or joint. I did my fair share of solo ones, the same with Chase and Malcolm. I actually had one planned in a few days so I wasn’t too upset about skipping out on this one today. 

“Joe?” I asked while leaning against the open door. “What’s up?” 

He smiled while giving me a once-over. “Good, you’re dressed. Grab your things and let’s go.” 

“Go where?” My brows furrowed. 

“We’re not going to waste the day away inside. I have our whole afternoon planned,” Joe adjusted his hat. 

“You do, huh?” I chuckled while leaving him on the threshold of the open door so I could grab my things, not wanting to forget the small camera I brought along for this tour, and slipped on a pair of white Converse.

With the door closed behind me, I let Joe lead me toward the elevator where we waited for it. 

“There’s this sunflower field I was thinking we could check out,” Joe said. 

“That sounds nice,” I smiled while we both stepped into the elevator. 

“Hilary sent it to me this morning and said it would be a great place to clear your head with what happened last night,” he informed. 

“Did you tell her-?” I chewed on the inside of my cheek as the elevator descended. 

Joe quickly shook his head. “Nope. I only mentioned how you needed to clear your head.” 

“Thank you,” I breathed when the doors opened. 

For the next few hours, Joe and I enjoyed the peacefulness of the sunflower field. We laughed, we joked, and he told me about his life growing up as I did the same. He also told me about an ex of his that messed him up mentally causing him to hide away for a year. 

“I had to cancel shows because the depression and panic attacks were so bad I had to seek treatment,” Joe said as we neared the end of the sunflower maze. “I went to hospitals, sat with monks in Buddhist temples, and went to therapy. I was so mad that someone took years out of my life.” 

I smiled solemnly. “I understand what that’s like.”

“Therapy told me that I need to stop hating the world and hating myself. I found someone who showed me what love is and I’ll forever be grateful for her,” Joe said. 

“She sounds like a lovely person, Joe. I’m glad you were able to find your happy ending.”

We came to a stop in front of a large patch of sunflowers with him a few spaces in front of me. 

“Hey,” I called after him, beckoning him to turn around so I could take a picture of him. 

His black hood was pulled over his hat and a small bag crossed over his chest. Although he didn’t smile on his lips, I could see it in his eyes. 

“It seems like you found your own happy ending,” Joe noted. 

My cheeks burned as I waved him off. “Oh, no. Not yet. We’re not official.” 

“But you text each other every night at 10 o'clock to say I love you?” 

“It’s-,” I pursed my lips while looking around the field. “Complicated”. 

Being in an open field like this, the breeze blowing through my hair, made me remember the last time I was in a place of solace like this. 

Earlier that day. 

"Noah?" I asked while looking up at him through lashes.

"Yes, angel?"

"You have a cute nose," my voice was quiet. 

Noah tilted his head to the side. "My nose?"

"Yeah. It's just the perfect size for your facial structure," I booped his nose. 

"Did-did you just boop my nose?" Noah chuckled with a scrunched face.

"See!" I pointed to him. "You look so fucking cute; it's insane."

"Angel, literally.” 

"Mochi, literally," I mocked while sticking out my tongue. 

Joe’s soft voice brought me out of the memory and I blinked at me. “Hm, I’m sorry. Did you say something?” 

“Do you want to be with Noah?” He asked his question again while gripping the strap of his bag. 

“More than anything,” I answered without missing a beat. 

He shrugged. “Then what’s holding you back?” 

I licked my lips while shifting on my feet. “It’s not as easy as you think. After that party, so much happened and things were said that I can’t exactly forget. I was hurt and needed time away.” 

“So you just left?” 

Hearing the reality of what I did from someone else made the guilt eat away at my insides and my heart sunk low. 

“I needed to get my head together,” I defended while adjusting the black beanie on my head. 

“Do you guys even talk? Besides the usual 10 p.m. texts?” Joe asked. 

Not wanting to speak, I shook my head with a long breath. 

“Y/N, this might not be my place, but that wasn’t very fair of you to do that.”

I bit my lip, not trying to snap at Joe because all he was doing was being a good friend; something I needed. 

“My therapy session is tomorrow. I didn’t need it today,” I sighed while running my hands up and down my thighs. 

“My friend, you do,” Joe snorted. “Why are you so afraid of committing to this?” 

I played with the string of my joggers, really mewling over his question. Noah and I moved past all the bullshit and we’re ready to finally be together. So what was I so afraid of?

With a wobbly lip, I let out a shaky breath and met Joe’s eyes. “I just don’t want to disappoint him, I don’t want him to ever feel like I don’t support him or something.”

He squeezed my arm. “I don’t think you can. If you’re both more than aware that you’re human beings, Y/N.” 

“Understandable,” I nodded. “But I don’t want him to know how flawed I can be.” 

“It’s vital to face hard facts and choose to be present, honest, and mindful of what’s happening in the life of your relationship. You guys aren’t even official yet and you’re worrying about shit that you don’t need to.”

Birds chirping were muted by the sudden commotion of a group of people arriving at the sunflower patch but neither Joe nor I moved from the end of the maze we finished a while ago.

“You’re not robots, Y/N.” He began. “Erase any confusion or doubt surrounding your needs so you can learn to powerfully communicate your needs. You both need to talk. Get it out of yourselves, don’t curl up with shit alone. Don’t do that to him. Don’t assume the worst about him, especially when you haven’t even discussed things properly.” 

I crossed my arms over my chest while shifting all of my weight to one foot. “I never even noticed. In hindsight, I thought I was doing something validating. Turns out I hurt him numerous times, and he still did nothing but try to love me. Even when I wasn’t perfect. I left him alone in that hotel room because things became to real. I left him the night of the party because we both admitted we love each other. And I do. I love him, Joe. I love him so much. I want us to work. But I don’t understand why I keep leaving him. I don’t want it; I just do.” 

Joe gave me a warm smile. “I know, Y/N. You should talk to your therapist about this. I think she can give you more insight than I can offer but just know I understand. You need to approach Noah and this relationship with a loving spirit, believing that he will love you and we want to satisfy you in every way. That he is deserving of your love and kindness even if things feel too good to be true. Feel it out, you’re probably that good of a fit.”

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Joe, I don’t need another therapist.”

He snorted. “No, you don’t, but I’d like to think I’m your friend and I’m telling you, that doing this to someone you love isn’t fair. Noah deserves to communicate with you too. I haven’t met the guy or seen the two of you together but from what you told me I already know.  He fucking loves you, Y/N.”

“I love him too, so fucking much, okay? I do,” I admitted with tears in my eyes. 

“I’m not saying you don’t/. I don’t know everything but, from my experience and what I’ve learned, shit like this can ruin a perfectly good relationship because we simply don’t tell ourselves the truth.”

I cocked my head to the side confused. “Truth about what?” 

“About why you’re subconsciously running,” Joe said. “You’re scared shitless and this avoidance can lead to procrastination that delays dealing with damaging stressors on or within your relationship. It did until the pipe finally burst at the birthday party.” 

“Should I be paying you by the hour?” I joked with a small chuckle.

“If you want to,” he snorts. “No, but come on. If you want him to be there for you, to be your everything, then you have to give half as well.” 

“I know. I want to. I’ve been feeling so sick lately without him.” 

It was true. 

Noah and I seemed to have been brought together by this unknown force. The universe? Maybe: we didn’t believe in high powers, yet also knew we weren’t alone. 

Staggered over weeks, months, or years. In this time the pain of our separation was an act as a focusing lens. The point was to give each other time to see the purity of our love, to be sure that there can be only one lover for this lifetime. 

Seems silly, especially in this era. Yet, it’s how I feel. I just know.

I get almost neurotic to my knees. I know that I must get enough sleep. He made a sham of my pain. I feel like I blew a hole in my heart with an ice-cold magnum. 

Why, when he’s not around I feel lonely when there’s company around. I’m not lost, but I have been found. That level of emotional indifference is not a mark of superiority, but the reverse. I was always worth more, I just needed to educate myself as to how and why.

It hit me. My body yearned for the other half of me.  The lovers who are right for one another take away the other pain naturally, by virtue of who they are the strength of their loving bond.

I couldn’t wait to embrace him again.

Joe peered over his shoulder, noticing a group of people slowly reaching us so he motioned for me to start walking in step with him. “Of course you do. It’s like half of your entire body is ripped apart and begging for the other half back.”

I smacked his arm. “Yes, exactly like that! Even though we’re far apart from each other right now, I still know subconsciously what he’s doing without actually knowing.”

“Exactly. So you two need to talk together about what you’re facing. Discuss the realities and your key concerns. Listen to each other and reflect on what you hear for optimal understanding. Be curious and open-minded concerning each other’s ideas and solutions for relief and change. If you love him, meet him in the middle like you’re saying in the song, Y/N. Don’t just use words, act too.”

We reached the rental car and Joe leaned against the driver's door. “What do you want this song to do; to say?” 

My forehead creased as I put deep thought into Joe’s question. “I think I want to expose the vulnerability. I’m kind of like star light. Maybe it can guide the way to the ones who must travel by night. The ones who don’t know that there is something special waiting for you if you keep pushing forward.” 

Joe bumped his fist with mine. “I love that, a reminder for people. However, it’s not just about that.”

“No, no it isn’t,” I chuckled. “It’s special that we aren't so different, him and I. Somehow together we are balanced. As yin and yang, but a perfect match. All I want is for him to ask me to stay again, and I’ll always say yes.”

JOE

The conversation between Malcolm and Chase was muted as we sat at the hotel restaurant, my food going cold a while ago. After my afternoon with Y/N at the sunflower field with our conversation and everything that happened last night, something was weighing heavy on my mind. 

Malcolm must have sensed it because he waved a hand in front of my face. “Everything alright?” 

My eyes snapped up towards him and I nodded. “Oh yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m just reflecting on that whole interaction last night. 

Chase hummed while resting an arm over the back of Malcolm’s chair. “We’re sorry Trey pulled you in the middle of it.”

“It’s fine but he’s a fucking piece of work,” I said. 

Malcolm took a long drink of his beer. “Yeah. He’s always been a piece of shit. It was like that for fucking years. Trey tried to dictate everything she did. What the band did. He was off doing what he wanted when he wanted. Y/N would fall into it time after time until-.” 

“Til Noah?” I asked with a hint of a smile. 

“Yeah,” Chase spoke next. “Have you  ever heard of Bad Omens?”

“I’ve heard their name and listened to a couple of their songs. But I’ve never seen his face until recently,” I said. 

“Did he send her a dirty photo?!” Malcolm’s eyes widened. 

“No!” I shook my head with a chuckle. “Y/N showed me a picture of him in braids.” 

“Oh, that picture,” Chase snorted. 

I continued again. “Noah has a great range and a good ear; talented guy. He seems crazy about Y/N from what she said.”

“Oh, he is. Shit, he’s over the fucking moon and back and everything fucking else. They have some otherworldly shit going on.” 

“Oh yeah? Think so?” I asked Malcolm. 

He shared a look with Chase, both of them smiling. “We know so. Noah made her fucking smile again. Laugh in a way we hadn’t heard in so long. He gave her confidence when she desperately needed it. Y/N became herself again. It’s been so beautiful to watch her hatch from the sick cocoon she was in. Last night was a terrific example. We’re so proud of her.”

“Yeah, that was something; the way she stood up to him. She kicked his ass. I may not have been around or anything for long, but that was awesome to see. I’d like to talk to Noah about it.”

Chase and Malcolm shared yet another look, the former's brows raised as he looked at me.

“You want Noah’s number? That’s a bit random, no?” 

“I just want to formally introduce myself,” I assured them. “To let him know how Y/N was last night and how awesome your record is.” 

“Is that all you want to let him know? Or do you want to make sure Noah knows that you’re not a threat? Because he knows you aren’t. And he also knows that Trey hasn’t come near her,” Malcolm reassured me. 

“No, it’s not even about that,” I leaned forward on the table to rest my arms on it. “I want to keep him in the loop, I have a feeling they’re still working out this what do I say or not say phase. Y/N’s become a friend now, and I’d like to also reach out my hand so he knows things are cool on our end.” 

I shrugged. “Plus, Noah deserves to know how badass she is and that she can take care of herself.”

After dinner, on my way back up to my hotel room, I had my phone in my hand as I worked out the message to Noah. 

Me: Hey Noah, this is Joe. I got your number from Chase and Malcolm. This is a little awkward but I wanted to introduce myself. I’ve actually listened to your band- you’re really talented! The acoustic version of If I’m There was killer, seriously. 

Now in my room, I sat on the edge of my bed to send another text. 

Me: I’m texting you because I’m sure you saw the video of what happened with Trey and Y/N. I will firstly say, she’s fucking awesome! And I’m honored to be on this tour with her and the guys. Incredible musicians and incredible people. Gearing back to the whole Trey situation, he showed up out of nowhere; but I feel it’s important to let you know, at least from my side, that Y/N kicked ass. She stood up for herself and I could see she felt a world of relief.

Only a few minutes went by when Noah texted back. 

Noah Sebastian: Hey Joe, it’s Noah. I’ve heard a lot about you as well. Y/N has been a huge fan of yours for a long time. She was stoked about this tour, and yes she is awesome. Y/N’s special to a lot of us. She’s a genuine person and has a heart of gold; Chase and Malcolm as well. I appreciate your kind words. That means a lot. You know how it is- especially in this industry. And I did see the video, unfortunately. You were there?

I quickly responded to Hilary’s text before typing out my reply to Noah. 

Me: In case she needed support.

Noah Sebastian: Right, thank you for that. I hated what Trey said, I wish I could have stopped it myself but I also know how important it was for Y/N to have closure. I’m so fucking proud of her. 

I let out a loud laugh when I saw the meme Y/N sent me but swiped away the message for right now, continuing to text Noah. 

Me: You should be proud. She’s awesome and she’s over the moon about you. From what I’m told you really lit a fire inside her, and that seems to be shining through. My partner did that for me when I found her and I’m sure it’s the same for you as well. So I just wanted to pass this along and formally introduce myself. I’m sure Y/N will bring this up to you but I wanted to show you how I saw it on my end. I hope we can meet soon.

Me: Oh, also. Hollow Souls new record is going to be sick. What they’ve been working on is sounding great.

I busied myself the next long while getting myself packed since we were planning on leaving in a few hours to head to the next city. Once finished, I realized that Noah texted me back almost instantly after I sent the last text. 

Noah Sebastian: For sure! Thank you so much. I wish I could be there. But, I understand it’s not the right time. I do hope soon we can chill at my place to shoot the shit. Thank you again for sending me a text. Very kind of you and I’m sure we’ll talk soon. I can’t wait to hear her new album. We’re all very stoked about it. We’re also close to releasing our record, I’d love for you to check it out! 

Me: Hell yes!

READER

“And if you and I can make it through the night,” I hummed while sitting in my bunk on the tour bus. 

My laptop was perched in my lap as I loaded up Zoom, clicking on Dr. Poulos’ contact. It wasn’t our usual appointment day or time but with what happened the other day, I felt as if I needed an emergency session. It wasn’t because of the negative parts but for the first time in a long while, I felt good. My spirits were high and nothing could wipe the smile from my face. 

“Well someone seems like they’re in good spirits today.” Dr. Poulos’ voice sang through my speakers. 

Her graying hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she had black glasses perched high on her nose. 

“I am actually,” I smiled, the kind of smile that made the corner of your eyes crinkle. 

She tilted her head. “Care to elaborate?”

I began telling her the entire story of Trey and my afternoon with Joe from top to bottom; from that night up until now. 

“I’m very proud of you, Y/N for standing up for yourself and closing that chapter in your life. And Joe seems like he’s becoming a great friend in the aspect of telling you things you need to hear.” 

“Yeah, he is.” I nodded. 

Although I was in high spirits before this meeting, something shifted in my brain and I began to stare at the keyboard of my laptop. 

“What’s the matter Y/N? You’re slipping into disassociating thought,” Dr. Poulos’ voice brought me back.  

“Nothing,” I had a tight lip smile. 

“Y/N,” she warned. “We’ve talked about this; you need to be open and transparent.”

Reluctantly, I nodded with a sigh. “Okay, well-.” 

When she motioned me on with a nod, I continued. “How- fuck this is embarrassing. How do I stop running away?” 

“Do you grasp that’s what you’ve been doing to Noah?” 

“I do,” I admitted. “But it hasn’t been intentional. I love him, I’m- I just don’t want to become my parents.”

Dr. Poulos’ gave me a small smile. “It’s great that you’re seeking to address this pattern. Building healthy relationships often involves understanding and addressing the root causes of our behaviors.” 

“I’m trying.” 

“It might be helpful to reflect on past experiences and identify any underlying fears or insecurities that may be contributing to your tendency to run away from relationships,” she adjusted her glasses. 

“I know it’s my mother, I know it is. Noah seemed to know it too since he was there that day she reamed into me,” I said. 

Her eyes lit up. “Yes, I remember that day. You were very grateful for him being there weren’t you?” 

“More than anything. He’s my safety when I feel like I have none,” I answered. 

“That’s wonderful Y/N. In Addition, I suggest practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and communicating openly with Noah as your partner, rather than your friend, which can help build a foundation for more fulfilling and lasting connections. I remember you telling me you finally admitted your love for each other,” Dr. Poulos couldn’t hold back the wide smile on her face now. 

“Yes. I do, I do love him and I don’t want to do anything to hurt him. Noah’s already so hard on himself with everything.  I don’t want to be one more thing he’s hard on himself about. I want to help, be his escape, and his safe haven. I want him to trust I’ll stay because I want to; I will always stay.” 

She wrote something down in her journal before resting her chin in her hand as she looked back at me through her screen. “I know, Y/N. You’ve spoken about this often.  Seeking support in this form can also provide valuable insights and strategies for breaking this pattern. I believe the two of you can and you won’t run.”

I ran a hand through my hair, the length becoming a big annoyance lately. “You know so much about this, Dr. Poulos. I don’t know the first thing. I want to be able to communicate with him. Not do what I have been doing.” 

“Y/N, it’s normal. It’s critical that before you speak to Noah, you suspend any assumptions or conclusions that put you at odds with him. You absolutely need to approach him by making a generous assumption; and by giving him the benefit of the doubt. This is what it means to be a team, even when you’re feeling distant. You keep loving even when you are feeling as if you are unloveable. You’re not going to do what you did with Trey.”

“Trey.” 

His name still tasted bitter on my tongue. 

“Yes,” Dr. Poulos nodded. “You got your closure on that chapter. Now this is a new one.

“I can’t shake the fear sometimes. The fear of the feeling coming at me all at once and messing it up,” I shifted in my bunk. 

“What I suggest doing when you are feeling upset or angry is to own your emotions and realize that they stem from your interpretation of the situation, not from the facts of the situation. Your fears and deep-seated beliefs about your own sense of inadequacy, unworthiness, or unlovability often lie at the root of all those negative stories you tell yourself about why life is happening the way that it is.”

“Woah,” I blinked. “That’s-uh-a great observation.”

Dr. Poulos narrowed her eyes at me while steepling her fingers under her chin. “I have an assignment for you.”

“Oh, come on! You know how busy I already am,” I joked with a wave of my hand.

She let out a soft giggle. “Yes, well, this will be fairly simple.”

“Take a moment to challenge your assumptions, and allow the possibility that something completely different could be true. Like that, you are loved! And that with patience and respectful communication, you can experience something exceptional with Noah. You said his album is coming out soon, this party could be a great way to try this. Have you thought about going?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said without missing a beat. 

“Wonderful Y/N, see this as an opportunity to vulnerably share something about yourself with Noah, be curious so that you, through this experience, can learn something with him, too.”

I’d be the first one to admit that at first, therapy wasn’t something I thought I needed. It was a waste of time to talk about my feelings with someone who didn’t understand. But right now, I was eating my words. 

“Joe was right,” I said after a few beats of silence. 

“About?” Dr. Poulos shook her head with confusion. 

“Discussing this further with you, thank you it helps,” I ended our session with a large smile. 

READER

“Not to be overly dramatic. I just think it's best. 'Cause you can't miss what you forget.” Joe sang into the microphone. 

I sat in my spot on the couch in the interview space, watching and singing along with a bright smile. 

“So, let's just pretend everything and anything between you and me was never meant,” he finished the song with a long breath. 

I, along with the interviewer, Jackson, clapped as Joe took a seat next to me on the couch. 

“That was phenomenal. We appreciate you being here with us,” Jackson beamed. 

My phone buzzed in my lap and with a glance downward, I felt my face warm at the name. 

Mochi 🍡: You look phenomenal, angel. 

“Thank you,” Joe nodded with a faint smile. “I’m sure I can speak for Y/N that we’re both glad to be here.” 

“It seems like the tour is going pretty well. Every show is sold out. How does that feel for you, Joe? I know Hollow Souls are used to this feeling,” Jackson said while fixing his notes, not looking at me. 

I tilted my head to the side, tongue brushing over my bottom lip. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

He finally looked my way and shrugged. “It's just that Hollow Souls is already pretty popular. You guys are used to playing in front of a sold-out crowd.”

“Are you saying that nothing, nowhere isn’t? Or did you forget that his last headlining tour had three back-to-back sold-out shows?” I questioned with a raised brow.  

“Well,” Jackson shifted in his chair across from us and looked at Joe. 

He merely ran a hand through his hair. “Number one fan.” 

“So,” Jackson cleared his throat. “Everyone online is begging me to ask you two this but what’s the dating situation? There’s so much chemistry between the two of you in the behind-the-scenes clips you guys post on Instagram. Everyone wants to know; are you two dating?” 

Joe and I shared a look then I made a show of rolling my eyes while crossing my legs. “Just because a male and female artist tour together, doesn't mean they’re dating.”

My phone buzzed again but this time, I opened the message to read it fully. 

Mochi 🍡: Tell him who’s boss, angel. You know who you belong to.

I cleared my throat while setting my phone screen down in my lap just in time for Joe to speak. 

“No, no. I’m spoken for.”

Jackson looked at me. “Y/N?”

“That’s my name, yes. Do you have a question about Hollow Souls or the tour?” I said with slight venom in my voice. 

Typically I didn’t mind interviews but every once in a while, I’d get an asshole of an interviewer that asked all the wrong kinds of questions. 

“Video surfaced online that Trey was at the show a few nights ago and it looked like the two of you were having an intense conversation. Is there a chance he’s joining Hollow Souls again?” 

My face twitched as something inside of me burned. I leaned towards Jackson with narrowed eyes. 

“Here’s what we’re not going to do; we’re not gonna focus on my love life, or personal life. I make art, not headlines. I’m cool because I'm me, and my band is cool. The art is what’s the focus, not anything else. I do feel as if people need to understand that having a private life is my right. I don’t feel comfortable sharing every aspect. Like I said, I make art, not headlines.” 

“That’s a bold statement to make. It comes with the whole fame territory,” Jackson tried to joke. 

“I refuse to allow this time in my life to be touched, tainted, or bastardized by anyone,” I finished while crossing my arms over my chest. 

While Jackson changed his direction and tone of questions towards Joe for the next couple of minutes, I bounced my knee as the anger continued to fest low in my gut until another text came in. 

Mochi 🍡: Fuck I love when you put douchebags in their place. You’re so sexy, angel. Fuck. I’m going to think about you bossing me around all night.

A hot flash of arousal took over every inch of me as I shifted in my spot on the couch, clenching my thighs together to curb the itch that burned there. 

“Everything alright?” Joe wondered when he saw the warmth on my cheeks. 

I cleared my throat. “Yep. Totally fine.” 

It would be so easy to call Noah to have our first phone sex but the thought of messing with him later sounded more fun.

“So, Y/N. I’d love to know what the future of Hollow Souls looks like?” Jackson questioned with a different tone. 

“See? It’s not that hard to ask questions that actually matter,” I teased with a smile. “But I don’t think we found ourselves because we always knew we wanted this style and this direction but we never really had the confidence to do that.” 

“With this record though, we finally have the assurance to know that we can make it work.”

“Is there inspiration behind this new album?” Jackson wondered. 

“I've always been really inspired by dark things and the supernatural for some reason. Ghosts, paranormal stuff, death, anger, sadness.” 

I gave pause when I realized that this wasn’t exactly a happy inspiration. 

“Well, anything that’s not happy basically inspires me, which sounds kinda messed up,” I admit with a laugh. 

“A lot of the new record, I wrote when I was having a really bad time mentally. I don’t like calling it depression but it seemed like that and I couldn’t pinpoint what my issues were, or what was wrong with me but I knew there was something wrong.” 

Joe watched with a proud smile and I knew that there were a few others back home watching with their own proud smile; my heart could feel it. 

“My problems weren’t tangible things, they weren’t things I could see or explain to people so in a way it was like they were ghosts or spirits that were haunting me,” I continued. 

Jackson rubbed his chin. “Why do you think that is?” 

I pursed my lips, thinking about my answer deeply. “I think a lot of people are afraid to put it out there and talk about it but we weren’t. I think that might be a big reason people have connected to the songs that have been released so far. I feel like for anyone who’s sharing feelings of topics like that, it’s a little bit scary but I feel it's more therapeutic and cathartic to write about that stuff, to talk about that stuff and put it out there. You feel better about it. To know that other people can connect to that makes you feel even better. As scary as it at first, it eventually just pays off and turns out to be good in the end.”

“Why do you think people can relate to it?” 

I shrugged. “I guess because our new album is pretty raw and honest. There’s a lot of topics people can relate to and I think it sounds pretty great, if I do say so myself. We’re pretty proud of it.”

Jackson leaned into his chair. “I would like to jump back to the haunting aspect of this album. Can you elaborate on what exactly is haunting you, if you don’t mind.” 

We’d be here all day if I did and frankly, it wasn’t his or anyone who was watching business. 

“I’m becoming a very private person as of late so I don’t need to go into the personal aspects of my life. Just know I’m moving past things, and I’m very content. Dare I say happy with where the future will be.”

Jackson nodded. “Fair enough. Would you say you’re hopeful for what the future will bring?” 

With a bright smile, I looked directly at the camera that had been pointed at us the entire time and winked. 

“Oh yes, more than hopeful.” 

Later on that night, when I was in the solace of the bathroom of the tour bus, I wore the skimpy red lace teddy I bought earlier. The necklace and bracelet glinted under the dim light as I extended my arm to take a variety of pictures; the sly smirk never leaving my lips. 

With four different pictures attached, I quickly typed out a message to Noah right on the dot at 10 p.m. 

Me: You were bold to text me earlier like that, mochi, I could barely contain myself. Here’s a little payback. Hope you’re all flustered and bothered, whatever you’re doing I suppose will have to wait. Dream of me. I love you.

Almost instantly, Noah texted back as I was swiftly changing into my pajamas for the evening. What I thought was one text became four right after the other. 

Mochi 🍡: Matt’s right next to me, angel. What if he saw this?

Mochi 🍡: fuck, my dick is throbbing right now but I can’t do shit about it. Consider this my karma.

Mochi 🍡: I can’t stop staring at the picture. Fuck, you’re gorgeous. Beautiful. A true definition of an angel. 

Mochi 🍡: I’m going to call you in a little bit. I need to hear your voice. I need it. 

Switching off the bathroom light, I walked across the narrow hallway to climb into my bunk and under the covers

Me:  I’m going to bed early tonight. Maybe we can talk on the phone tomorrow. I love you.

By the time Noah responded, I was already in a peaceful, dark slumber.

Mochi 🍡: Fuck, I love you too angel. So fucking much. 

READER

"Wait," Joe shook his head at us. "You guys do this after every tour?" 

Malcolm nodded as he held the door open for all of us. "Every tour. It's become a Hollow Souls tradition."

As we all crowded into the small tattoo shop’s lobby, Joe's eyes brightened with the realization. 

“Oh, so that's why you got the tattoo of the anime character on your ankle.” 

"Yep, I smiled brightly. "Noah and I got them together on my birthday." 

The buzzing was loud in the tattoo shop as I waved at the owner who had no problem staying open late for us tonight. We finished the tour strong tonight with a hype crowd and with the adrenaline still buzzing through us, we decided to get the tattoos as soon as we left the venue. 

Joe shifted on his feet while running a hand through his hair. “You’re positive you want to get the Reaper album art tattooed?”

"This album helped me through some dark times in my life. I need to do it, especially with what happened last week. It’ll be a great way to remember a great tour and the new friend I made,” I answered while bumping his shoulder with mine. 

After we all checked in and waited, Chase ruffled my hair. “It’s almost 10 p.m LA time, sweets.”

"Shit!" I cursed while quickly whipping out my phone from my pocket. "I can't believe I almost missed it!"

Me: I love you, Mochi. Last night of tour went off without a hitch. Currently getting our typical tattoos. I can’t wait to show you what I get. 

I sat on the bed, exposing my left thigh to the artist after she laid down the stencil, and struck up a conversation with everyone as I waited for Noah to respond. Surprisingly, tonight it took him a long while to text back which made my mind wander to what he was up to. My heart didn’t ache and my stomach wasn’t filled with nerves which meant it wasn’t anything terrible. 

After my risque picture I sent him the other day, we never had the chance to talk on the phone, but I knew that it still affected him because any chance he could, Noah would send me risque texts throughout the day.

“Thank fuck,” I breathed when my phone buzzed next to me. 

Mochi 🍡: I can’t wait to see it, angel. Also, sorry it took me so long to respond. I may have taken Salem to the pet store to spoil him with a few things. I hope you know I plan on keeping him for a bit once you’re back home. Mal said you guys will be busy in the studio so no need for Salem to be home alone. I love you too, angel. 

“I would ask who has you smiling like that but it’s pointless. There’s only one person who can do that,” Malcolm snorted while his artist wrapped up his tattoo. 

I stuck out my tongue at him. “Noah told me he took Salem shopping.” 

Chase rolled his eyes playfully. “And you say he’s not Salem’s dad yet.” 

Before I could set my phone down, another message came through; one I read with a fast beating heart. 

Nick R : February 23, 2022. 929 Angelus Street. Turn Right on Luna Ave. Overnight valet is already handled. No, Noah doesn’t know when to expect you. Don’t be late, Cinderella.

Nick R: The theme is red. I think you know why. Do with that what you will.

Oh shit, that was in just over two weeks. Which meant I needed a dress. And new shoes. A new hairstyle wouldn’t hurt either. 

With a smile, I responded back to Nick. 

Me: We will be there! Unlike Cinderella, I have no intention of losing my shoe and missing my Prince Charming.

Nick R: Oh good! We are merely the mice. 

CHASE

I grumbled under my breath as I scrubbed out the fresh red paint out of the dining room carpet. How many times have I told her to put a damn drop down? Y/N’s lucky I know my way around cleaning supplies and know how to get a stain out. 

Malcolm clicked his tongue against his teeth as he leaned against the wall, staring down at me as I continued to scrub on my hands and knees. 

“I must say, I love this sight of you. On your knees.” 

I snapped my eyes up at him. “Not fucking funny, Mal.” 

“I think she’ll be really excited for what Noah has planned,” he noted. 

“Oh she’s gonna lose it! In the best way,” I agreed while continuing to scrub. 

 “I think so too.” Malcolm placed a kiss on my lips before sauntering into the kitchen to get things ready for dinner. “How long do you think Y/N will be?” 

“Not sure,” I ran a hand over my buzzed head then threw in the towel; literally. 

“You know how she is when she’s let loose in the art supply store. I’d be shocked if she made it back before dinner,” I continued while hopping up on the counter. 

Malcolm began setting out the variety of ingredients and I reached for my phone next to me. 

Me: Noah, beware of paint all over the carpet.

Noah S: Already taken care of.

I showed Malcolm the text to which he smirked. “Did we expect anything less from him?”

Me: Good. Because even though I love her to the ends of the earth, paint is a fucking bitch to clean. 

Malcolm handed me a beer, one I took with a kiss of thanks, and slowly nursed it as Noah texted me back. 

Noah S: Here’s the address. I would love it if you and Malcolm come check it out. 

Me: Definitely. Let's plan for Friday?

READER

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, eyes locked on the things scattered all over the counter, I found myself dissociating into thoughts of earlier today when we were in the studio. We had one last song to record before we started the final touches but this song was the most important. It needed to be perfect. 

I needed to be perfect. 

Which is why 

“Sweets you’ve gone over the verse we can meet in the middle at least ten times now. I think it’s good.”

Chase reassured me as I came out of the vocal booth with a scrunched up face. I did not like how my voice sounded which prompted me to do vocal take after vocal take. 

I fell to the couch in between him and Malcolm. “I need this to be perfect. I hate how my voice is sounding. It can’t sound like this. It can’t.” 

“It sounds amazing, Y/N! I promise,” Malcolm said. 

“I just-,” I ran a hand through my long hair and groaned. “This is so important to me. I want him to know I’m here. And I’m not going to leave him.”

“Noah knows sweets, he knows. He’s so stoked for this record. You know he’ll love it.”

I tossed my hair on top of my head in a messy bun, exhausted with the length. I needed my neck to breathe. It felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of it. 

“Fucking hormones,” I eventually chuckled while wiping tears from my eyes. 

Malcolm gave me a weak smile while rubbing my back. “Any pain today?” 

“A little but not much. It’s bearable.” I informed them. 

Chase nodded while squeezing my knee. “Ok, if you need a break let us know. Don’t push yourself too much. You sound beautiful.”

Salem jumped on the counter, breaking me from my thoughts, and immediately I brought him up in my chest. His green eyes stared up at me in wonder and maybe a little bit of confusion with what he saw.

“Did you have fun with Noah?” I missed you so much,” I cooed. 

Noah dropped him off while we were in the studio, us just missing each other by mere minutes. 

My fingers scratched at Salem’s neck, now realizing the bright red collar and new tag. 

“Oh, dad did in fact spoil you while I was gone. New collar, new tag, a bunch of new sushi toys. Not to mention the bed that can fit a 20 pound dog,” I chuckled. 

My shoulders went rigid when I realized what I just said. 

Dad. 

I just called Noah Salem’s dad. 

Swallowing thickly at the acceptance, I then looked at the new tag and felt my heart jump into my throat; heat spreading from the tips of my toes to my scalp.

Oh my heart. 

Salem Sebastian-L/N. 

And on the front of the tag were symbols I’d never seen before. “Huh, that's weird. What’s with the yin yang and eye symbol?” 

Biting my lip, I set Salem down on the counter and picked up my phone instead, quickly dialing the number I had memorized so long ago. 

Noah picked up after the second ring. “Hi, angel.” 

I twirled a piece of fresh hair around my finger while leaning against the counter. 

“Salem Sebastian-L/N huh?” 

A quick beat of silence. “Yeah. Figured he needed a collar with his full name. I think he likes me, he was quite needy. Is that alright?”

“Definitely alright, mochi,” I smiled into the phone. “Do the symbols have any meaning?

“You’ll know soon, angel.”

“Okay then. Keep your secrets,” I groaned. 

Noah’s infectious laughter made my stomach flip. “Will do, Frodo.” 

“I think we are due for a Lord of the Rings marathon soon. You down?” I bit the inside of my cheek, hopeful for his answer. 

“Always down, especially with you.”

I did my best to hide my excitement and was thankful Noah wasn’t here to see the way I jumped on the soles of my feet. “Wonderful.” 

There was a long comfortable silence before his rich voice came through the speaker. 

“I miss you. I love you.” 

I played with my necklace. “I miss you too, Noah. I love you.” 

“We’ll talk later?”

It was now him who had the hopeful tone. 

“Always,” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. 

“Okay.”

I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Goodnight mochi”.

“Good night angel.”

As I hung up the phone, Chase and Malcolm both popped their heads into the bathroom. They had an approving smile on their face. 

“Does it look bad?” I asked self-consciously. 

Malcolm was the first to speak. “It looks really good, sweets. We’re proud of you.” 

“New Era coming, huh?” Chase asked. 

“Yeah,” I nodded with a smile. “Yeah I think so. I’m ready for it.”

“Well good. Because we are too,” he knocked on the wall before the two of them disappeared in their bedroom. 

Hooking up the blow dryer, I began to dry my now darker and shorter hair, humming along to a song that had been stuck in my head all day. 

“I was lost but now I’m found.” 

Salem jumped up onto the closed toilet seat, watching me with bright eyes.

“We’re not perfect but we’re proud of who we are,” my voice echoed in the confines of the bathroom.

[scimitar-and-longsword]

I love your headcanons. What's your favorite one about Nicky ? And/or your favorite character trait of him?

Oh my goodness, thank you!

Nicky Nicky Nicky 💕💕💕

My FAVORITE??? That's a tall order cause there are so many things I love about him. Luca did such a stellar job of taking this character who doesn't have as much screentime as some of the other characters and bringing him to life in the most subtle ways. (I have an entire meta about subtle face acting from him and Marwan lol which side note, is flagged for sexual content, and I was sitting here reading it like "what why?? This is just about facial expressions?" And then I got halfway through and went "oop- that'll do it 😅")

I wrote a meta about this back in the old days, but I think about it every time I rewatch the movie so I'm saying it again: I love that Nicky is fiercely physical with his love.

We certainly get to see Joe be more vocal about is love, (and it's a violent movie they all are physical lol) but every bit of Nicky's physicality and fight chreo is about protecting people.

He is constantly protecting those around him with his body (and to be fair, they all do this at some point. Perks of being immortal is that you can use your body as a shield) but Nicky just KEEPS doing it.

There's a subtle moment after Joe gets stabbed by Merrick where TO ME it looks like he's trying to get between Joe and Merrick. The guy holding back Nicky is like GRIPPING his shoulder.

Nicky is constantly going from the front of the group to the rear and back again. Like he needs to be the first line of defense against wherever the most unknowns are.

He does it when they first exit the lab they were being held in. He's second out of the door, following Nile's lead, but then immediately covers the rear (after executing a completely unnecessary slide move that you can only see in behind the scenes footage and always makes me laugh.) to then turn around and cover everyone else as they exit.

Then again when he takes the bullet for Andy, he's at the rear of the group with Joe, takes the bullet, and then runs through the ENTIRE group, while healing from said bullet, past the door they are going to go into (and presumably check that it's clear) to cover the other end of the hall. And look at that he's at the rear of the group again... Over the course of not even half a minute. Ping pong ball Nicky over here.

When Joe and Nicky are fighting Keane after the explosion Nicky is fucking reckless with how he fights, and mostly cause Joe is kind of getting his ass kicked. 😅 He throws himself onto Keane not once but twice! Both times when Joe is about to get absolutely bodied.

In a similar fashion, Nicky often acts like a battering ram, taking people down for Joe to take out just after him. (If you go back up to that behind the scenes gif of Nicky sliding you can see he does this there too. Shoots a guy in the knee who Joe then shoots in the head.)

Idk if this was at all coherent because I'm writing this on my phone while watching a Tinkerbell movie with my daughter 😂 so I'm sure I'm missing so many more examples of it. But Nicky is often quiet with his words, but he is not quite with his actions and I love that about him!!

[katewritesthings]

Love Me Like I Can // Chapter 1

Chapter 1 // Vibe

pairing: Joe Burrow x Singer! Original Female Character

•summary: Inspired by Scandoval and Taylor/Travis. R&B singer Diana Hayes navigates falling in love after a cheating scandal captures the attention of America and a certain Bengal.

•warnings: •warnings: Cursing. Cheating. Sexual Situations. Drinking. Drug use. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

January 21, 2024.

Diana was currently sitting cross-legged in Biz’s room, computer in her lap, sharing a bottle of wine with her sister. Open on the screen was the Spotify app, with Diana’s first album Get Out pulled. Avoiding the writing she was supposed to be doing, the singer was instead focusing on watching her sister unpack her new room. The activity was a welcome distraction from the feelings that usually came with writing.

The past three weeks had been hectic for the sisters to say the least. Diana had finished up all of her press obligations for Band Together and the release of her EP in the first two weeks of January and spent the past week moving her things into her new rental in New York from Boston. They had two and a half weeks before Diana’s schedule would be filled with writing and recording for her upcoming album and tour. She had thought stepping foot into the house she shared with Connor would make her miss him, but in reality, it just made her angry and sad that every memory she had of Boston was tied to him.

“So, what are you doing again?” Biz questioned, passing the bottle and continuing to hang her sweaters. 

“I’m making a public playlist with some of my songs and some songs by other people who have summed my feelings up more eloquently than I could have,” Diana explained, adding the title song to the playlist. Leave (Get Out) applied to her current situation way than she could have ever thought when she recorded it at 14. She moved on to her second album, eyes scanning the titles.

“No, I know what you’re doing. I guess I should have asked why you’re doing this instead of… yknow, writing and preparing for the songwriting session you have coming up. You record at the beginning of March, you’ve got to have material.”

“I think I’m still more hung up on the situation than I want to be and people to know about. Like, I don’t know what combination of emotions I’m experiencing, but I’m stuck,” Diana admitted, twisting her long hair into a top knot and adding two songs, “The High Road” and “Too Little Too Late” from her second album. “Like, can I write about the situation and still be angry? Can I use the songs I wrote about Connor? I definitely don’t want people to think I’m still hung up on him. I’m really just hurt by the betrayal of it all.”

“Well, I think you’re allowed to still be heartbroken about it still, Di. It’s been three months.” Biz had made her way to Diana to hand her the wine and wrap her into a hug. “This is the first downtime you’ve had since then, you’re allowed to be sad and people will be fine with that. We’re going to get drunk tonight and have fun. If you write, you write. No pressure on healing, okay?” 

Diana stared at her sister’s little finger before her own laced around it and she uttered, “Promise.” 

“Now, turn on some music, and let’s go do a shot!”

Biz indicated to follow her, so Diana did as she was told. Half an hour later, the two were sitting on the couch in their living room laptop between them, taking their second shot of tequila. Diana would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the first and the large glass of Sauvignon Blanc she had been sipping from. 

“Have you texted Joe yet?” Biz’s voice chimed, clearly trying to brighten the mood. Unfortunately for Diana, the alcohol intensified the feelings of rejection as her face settled into a deep frown and a lump formed in her throat.

“No.. uhm, his agent never got back to Cathy, so I never got his number…” She cleared her throat and gave a nervous laugh. “Which is totally fine or whatever because I almost even forgot his name.” Biz rolled her eyes, “Right,” she muttered as she took a drink of her own cocktail. She knew her sister spent at least two days googling the handsome quarterback. “Have you reached out on social media?”

“I don’t want to look desperate, Biz! I don’t even know if I’m ready for another relationship. He’s just cute and looked fun, that’s all.” Diana was still nervous about the idea of jumping into something so soon. She and Connor had been together since she was 19 and while he wasn’t her first relationship, she thought at one point he was going to be her last. The idea of starting over at 26 was scary.

“I think we should invite him and some friends to your birthday party,” Biz interrupted her self-doubt spiral to propose the wildest idea Diana had heard yet. 

“Biz, he won’t even give me his number. How would I even do that?,” Diana shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “His friends were probably just making fun of him because he likes my music.” “I wish you would stop fucking doubting yourself, Di. You’re hot as fuck and dude probably too scared to text you. You build everybody up but yourself. I wish you would give yourself half the love and grace you give other people.” Biz’s words must have sparked inspiration because Diana grabbed her laptop and paused the music. Opening a word document she began typing and humming to a beat. 

Lover girl, loving everything but herself.

Pedestals for everyone, but she’s on a shelf.Emotion comatose, you know how that shit goes.

The sisters spent the next forty minutes sending ideas back and forth to each other, opening another bottle of wine, and listening to Diana sing their ideas into the room. They had finished one song and had even been in good enough spirits to finish a song Diana had been working on before her breakup. Giggling with her sister would never get old, Diana was certain. Everything she had been through in the past three months just made her realize how grateful she was that she had her sister. When their dad died, Diana had attempted to shut everyone from her family out of her life and she was just glad Biz was too stubborn to let that happen. 

Just as the thought that Biz’s stubbornness was a positive trait crossed Diana’s mind, she looked up to see her phone in her sister’s hand and hear a “It isn’t what it looks like,” fall out of her mouth.

“Well, then what is it? Because it sure as hell looks like you’re going through my phone,” Diana shrieked, weakly reaching for the iPhone.

“I just texted Cathy to invite some of the Bengals to your party! You’re already going to be meeting Taylor’s boyfriend, might as well make it an AFC reunion,” Biz said excitedly, knowing it was too late for the text to be unsent.

Diana wanted to be angry at her sister, but she couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubbling in her stomach. 

-------------------

February 3, 2024

Diana hadn’t celebrated a birthday since her 20th and she was nervous. Biz and her manager Cathy, had insisted on throwing her a huge birthday party to make up for the ones that she missed celebrating. Connor had always insisted that celebrating birthdays was narcissistic, refusing even to get her a present in the seven years they were together. 

The redhead was currently sitting in the back of a blacked-out Suburban, between Biz and Taylor Swift. In the third row sat Travis and Austin, Taylor’s brother,  quietly chatting about something that Di couldn’t make out. 

“Thank you again for this, Taylor,” Diana sighed, trying to regulate her breathing. “There is no need to thank me! Everyone needs a friend, Diana. Just because you’ve had some pretty shitty ones in the past doesn’t mean we can’t show you what they’re really supposed to be.” Taylor said, placing an arm around her new friend’s shoulder.

“Plus, if my intuition is right, you just might be making more friends tonight,” Taylor smiled as the car came to a stop. Diana was going to ask what she meant before the door was opened and flashes of light began blinding her vision.

Diana was still trying to get her eyesight back to normal when she stepped into the venue that had been rented for the evening. Her sister had done an amazing job, the entire room was decorated as if they had just stepped foot into a forest. She now understood why her sister insisted on her wearing the cream corseted dress that perfectly fit the theme. Diana felt like a fairy.

Looking around the room, Diana was overwhelmed by not only the number of people but who cared enough to actually show up for her. The room was a mix of people she met since the breakup and ones who have known her since before her debut album. She was almost certain she had seen some people she hadn’t even recognized!

Two hours after arriving and making her rounds, Diana found herself sharing a joint with Elijah, one of her childhood friends from Philly. The two hadn’t seen each other in years, but had picked back up like they never missed a step. The pair were in a fit of giggles when Diana noticed a group of rather large men sitting at a high top near the bar.

Diana took a pull from the join, squinting her eyes to try to make out the faces of any of the four men laughing amongst themselves. “Do you know who they are,” she exhaled the question and the smoke together. 

“Not for real, but it looks like they linebackers or some shit,” Elijah cackled, taking the joint from Diana’s hand. 

“Fuck,” she cursed Biz aloud. “That has to be Travis’ friends, right?” 

Diana was weighing the odds that any Chiefs player, other than the one who was dating her friend, would show up to her party less than a week after losing the spot in the upcoming Super Bowl. She didn’t know much about pro athletes, but based off of the way Travis was talking to Biz in the car, the team was taking it pretty hard. 

“Shit, I know him though,” Eli pointed out Travis in the crowd, heading their way with Taylor. When the couple arrived in front of them, Eli offered the joint to Travis and Taylor grabbed hold of Diana’s hand. 

“C’mon, Di! There’s some people I want to introduce you to!” Taylor’s drunken giggles filled Diana’s ears. She wasn’t sure if it was the four Palomas she had pounded since she got here, the pre-roll she just took part in, or the second-hand confidence that comes from being on the arm of The Taylor Swift, but all of her anxiety was replaced with excitement as she was pulled towards the unknown men. 

“Hey fellas!” Taylor greeted the group, “I’m Taylor and I really think you should say Happy Birthday to my friend, Diana!” 

The redhead shot her a confused look, expecting Taylor to have met these men before at least! Deep laughs pulled her out of her thoughts as a chorus of ‘happy birthdays’ filled the air.

The man that Diana didn’t recognize spoke first, “Thanks for inviting us! I’m Tee.” Offering out his hand and pointing out the other men as he said their names. “Ja’Marr, Joe, and T.B.”

“Oh! Hi!” Diana greeted more excitedly than she would if she were sober. “I saw your interview! Thank you so much for giving me a shout-out. Anyone who plays my music on live TV is cool in my book”

Ja’Marr and Tee broke into laughter as Tee elbowed Joe in the ribs and whispered something to the guys.. She wasn’t sure if it was her projecting or if she actually saw Joe blush and look away. Thankfully, before anxiety could take over Diana’s mind, Ja’Marr shouted over the music. 

“Let’s just say you’ve been on the official playlist since the LSU days with me and Joe. Ever since I met him, he been playing that Marvin’s Room cover..” 

Diana’s face burned, embarrassed about the drunken remix she had done on Instagram Live at 18. A fight with her then-boyfriend sparked a bender of prescriptions and alcohol causing her to lose inhibitions and stream from the recording studio. While she was embarrassed about the situation, she was happy her label had let her finally release more mature music after. 

“Oh, my God! I forgot you did that” Taylor giggled, swatting her new friend’s arm. “That was so Bad Ass.”

“I agree,” Joe spoke for the first time. His voice was clearer, more sure of itself than Diana remembered from the interview. And Mic’d Ups she had seen after googling him. 

“Thank you,” Diana accepted, eyes trained on Joe. One of the other men had changed topics in the brief moment their eyes had locked, but she couldn’t be sure which. The intensity of Joe’s gaze caused heat to fill Diana’s cheeks and she turned back to the group just in time to hear Ja’Marr jesting with Taylor.

“As cool as your boy is, I’m glad it’s not him in the Super Bowl. Like I said a few weeks ago, anyone but the Chiefs.”

“Hey, now. Don’t be bitter we went farther than you, Chase.” Travis’ voice startled Diana, who was doing her best to stare anywhere but at Joe. She busied herself by watching the Tight End as he carefully distributed the drinks he was carrying, an Old Fashion for Taylor and a Paloma for Diana and himself. 

After thanking Travis, Diana turned her focus back to the group. The conversation had turned to the topic of the recent football season and even though Diana knew next to nothing about sports, she found the conversation was piquing her interests more than she imagined. “And I’m not sorry, bro. I said what I said and I said anyone but the Chiefs,” Ja’Marr laughed in Travis’ direction. “Oh, so you guys have beef,” Diana questioned, nervous to show she didn’t know much about the profession of the majority of the group. Luckily the men were kind enough to explain their recent rivalry and some of the basics of the game. Well, as much as they could with the amount of alcohol that was being consumed. Before long Taylor had excused herself to say hi to someone she had recognized, Ja’ and Travis and T.B. had broken into their own conversation, moving to the bar itself. 

“So, Ja’Marr and I are wide-receiver, which means that it’s our job to catch the ball when the quarterback, or Joe, throws it,” Tee was attempting to explain to Diana for the third time. Joe was staring, finishing the last of his drink and Ja’Marr shook his head in frustration as Diana nodded her head in a way that showed she clearly had not committed the information to memory. “Man, Tee, just give up. Let’s go get us some drinks,” Ja’Marr pulled T.B. away, leaving just Joe smiling at Diana.

“So, uh, I’m glad you guys came!,” Diana blurted out nervously, instantly cringing that she had just repeated her introduction. “Well, what I mean is, I didn’t get response from the team or see you guys when I first got here.” “Oh, we lost track of time pregaming and were advised to come in through the back since the press saw some of the guests you had,” Joe smiled, simultaneously calming some of the nervousness she felt and sending her stomach into somersaults. “Apparently you’re quite the popular lady. Taylor Swift and Wiz Khalifa at the same party? Talk about Taylor Gang or die.” 

Diana laughed at the last comment. She really was blown away by the amount of people who showed up for her. She hadn’t even spoken to Cam, better known as Wiz, since their collaboration six years ago and he had shown up to support her.

“Yeah, I’m really grateful that all of these people wanted to spend their evening celebrating me,” Diana beamed. She was in a state of intoxicated euphoria that was giving her the courage to act on what she wanted, like asking Joe to leave the crowded room. “Do you want to walk to the balcony?”

A curt nod of agreement was all it took for the pair to drain their drinks, stand up from the table, and make their way to the outer edge of the room. Conversation flowed freely between the two as they walked, discussing their tastes in music, movies, and books.

“You look wonderful tonight, by the way,” Joe changed the subject, eyes scanning the dance floor where his teammates had found their home for the night. 

Diana was sure that her face was going to permanently be the color of her hair just from the presence of the quarterback to the side of her. “Thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself,” she replied.

And he did. He was wearing a pair of faded black jeans that were perfectly tailored to his muscular thighs, a black t-shirt that was clinging to his chest nicely, a brightly colored jacket and his signature gold chains, including the 9. Diana let her eyes linger on his chest longer than she normally would have before Joe’s voice broke her out of the trance.

“So, can I be honest with you?,” Joe asked, glancing down at Diana. Even in the heels she was currently wearing, the man still stood a good 8 inches taller than the woman at his side. 

“Uhm, sure?” Diana answered, unsure of what was about to come. ‘I’ve known the man for less than an hour, what hasn’t he been honest about?’ Diana thought to herself as they made their way down the hall that led to the balcony.

“I was honestly shocked you invited me after Ja’Marr’s interview,” Joe laughed, opening the door, and letting Diana step onto the balcony before following suit. 

“Are you kidding me? I’m shocked that you guys listen to my music!” Diana shoved his shoulder. “Besides, I got pressured into inviting you all since you curved me last month.” 

The redhead took a few more steps before she realized that Joe was no longer beside her. When she glanced backward, she noticed that Joe was wearing a puzzled expression.

“What do you mean I curved you,” Joe asked slowly like he was trying to put pieces of the puzzle together.

“Well, after I saw your interview, I was honestly shocked that you even listened to my music. Then Ja’Marr said to hit you up, so I had my manager ask your team for your number,” Diana explained, body fully turned towards Joe now. “I never heard back and Biz insisted it wasn’t desperate to try again too.” “You’re joking,” Joe let out a humorless laugh and shook. “I thought that was the team making fun of me after Ja’Marr embarrassed me with the interview.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was what he said not true?” Diana teased, taking a step toward him. “Are you not a fan?”

“No, I’m a huge fan,” Joe flushed, eyes locked with the aquamarine ones in front of him, encouraging Diana to take another step. “Yeah, what was it the Ja’Marr said? ‘Practically obsessed,” Diana’s voice came out breathier than she imagined, taking another step. She was practically chest to chest to chest with Joe, their eye contact never breaking. “To ‘hit you up’” 

That was all Joe needed before grabbing the back of her head and leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss. The action was drunk and messy, fueled by equal parts lust and alcohol. As the kiss deepened all Diana could think about was how she wasn’t close enough to Joe. Grabbing his jacket, she stepped into him again, causing him to slowly take steps backward until his thighs hit a table beside the door, filled with floral arrangements and an ashtray. Joe shifted his weight so that he was partially sitting on the table, partially leaning. Their lips moved together rhythmically until Joe pulled away and trailed kisses down her jawbone, grabbing at the tulle skirt of Diana’s dress while Diana adjusted her legs on either side of Joe’s so that she was straddling his thigh. 

Joe’s mouth worked its way towards Diana’s neck, finding the tender spot behind her ear. A wave of pleasure washed through Diana, a moan leaving her lips and hips bucking against Joe’s thigh. His rough hands ran up and down her body methodically as if he already knew what buttons to push to cause the woman before him to melt, mouth continuing its path down her cherry blossom tattoo.

Diana rocked her hips again, craving the relief the friction had given her, hands tangling in Joe’s waves. “Fuck,” she whispered, barely finding her voice. Joe pulled back, hungry gaze meeting Diana’s eyes before recapturing her swollen lips. Placing his hands firmly on her hips, he helped her find a motion that kept the moans falling from her beautiful mouth. A familiar tension, one that Diana had only felt at her own hands the past three months, was building in her stomach as she took Joe’s bottom lip between her teeth. Her alcohol-raddled brain didn’t care that she was on a balcony riding a professional athlete’s thigh, she was desperate for release and she was determined to get it.

That was until the door beside them slammed open, causing Diana to take a step back from Joe. Biz stepped through the door, calling Diana’s name. “Di! Are you out he-”

Biz cut herself off when her eyes landed on her sister, lips swollen, love bites down her neck, the skirt of her dress still in Joe’s hand. The pair looked like they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “Oh! I, well, I just came to find you because it’s time for cake. We’ve been looking for you.”

Diana cleared her throat, causing Joe to let go of her skirt and stand up straight. “Right, uh, you better get in there. Can’t cut the cake without the birthday girl. I’ll talk to yo later, I guess.” Scratching the back of his head, Joe did his best to look anywhere but at Biz while he exited the balcony.

“What the fuck was that?” Biz asked, incredulously, still staring at her sister. 

“Well, I don’t know what it could have been, but what it turned out to be was a cockblock,” Diana laughed. “What happened to ‘I barely remember his name’ and ‘he was just making fun of me’,” Biz’s face finally broke into a smile. “I don’t know, Biz. I think we were just both drunk. I’m sure he was just looking for someone to hook up with, it’s probably nothing,” Diana shrugged, brushing past her sister. “Now let’s go get cake.”

After cutting the cake, the last hour of the party was a blur to Diana. Cathy, her manager, had grabbed and insisted she say bye to as many of the music producers as possible before making her own exit. Normally, Diana wouldn’t have minded at all, wanting to take any opportunity she had to suck up to the people in charge of her music. But tonight, Diana could not take her mind off Joe and his blue eyes and soft lips. She hadn’t managed to get his phone number after realizing that he never rejected her and she was hoping to see him again.

After saying farewell to the last of the label reps, Cathy advised Diana to finish up her goodbyes as it was almost time for the car to take her home. Diana followed instructions, making sure that when she found Biz and Taylor, they stayed by her side. While waiting for Travis and Austin to show up with the groups’ coats, Diana couldn’t help but continue to glance around the room for messy brown waves.

“They left right after the cake was cut,” Biz spoke knowingly, a smirk on her face. Diana’s heart dropped. She didn’t get to say bye to Joe.

“Who left?” Taylor asked, “The guys from the Bengals. Seems like Diana and the quarterback snuck off to have a little fun,” Biz cackled, “He even gave her a hickey like we’re in seventh grade.”

Before Diana could reply to her sister, Travis and Austin approached the ladies and started distributing coats before the group made their way outside and into the Suburban waiting for them. Determined to not let disappointment ruin her night, Diana decided to add songs that reminded her of tonight to her public playlist while they drove. She added “How to Touch a Girl” before moving on to her last album. Looking over the tracklist, she added “Vibe” and “Like This”,  deciding that they perfectly described the feelings of lust and excitement she was filled with earlier.

Diana couldn’t shake the feeling as she was falling asleep that she wished that she had stopped Joe from leaving the balcony. Maybe then, she would be falling asleep next to him and not squished in between her sister and her new friend.

--------

Taglist: If you'd like to be added, let me know!

@therapycat21

Ahhhh, I am so overwhelmed by the feedback. Thank you so much for liking, reblogging, and replying. I don't know if you all are interested in the spotify playlist Diana would make or media blurbs after the chapter, but I can also do those.

Thank you again!

[fastlikealambo]

Honeycake.|| An Alpha!Joel Miller x Black!Fem Reader Omegaverse AU

Summary: Joel has a good life. He's got his pack, his own business, no time for love outside of meaningless hookups and that one time Sarah tricked him into speed dating. Love comes knocking in the form of you, an omega from a dangerous disbanded pack looking to heal.

Trigger Warnings: Past violence against reader, mentions of David, non-consenting mate bites,  mental health discussions, this omega needs a hug and like 12 blankets.

Note One: This takes place in modern day, no outbreak. Joel’s pack consists of Omega!Tommy, his wife Alpha!Maria and their two children, Beta! Marlene and her wife Omega! Anna and their daughter Ellie, and Joel’s daughter, Sarah (SARAH LIVES!). They all live on the same street and joel's house is their packhouse because I said so.

Note Two: This is my first dive into writing omegaverse! There are so many different interpretations and headcanons out there and I’m excited to join in. I apologize in advance if I get something wrong 🙂

This is a test chapter! If you’d like to see chapter two, please comment or reblog as engagement with my fics makes me write faster! I also just like talking to y’all too <3

Chapter One

 “As you can hear behind me, court proceedings have just concluded for the man simply known as David, the alpha of a Colorado based pack that made headlines for the last year over David’s numerous felonies ranging from embezzlement, wire fraud,and tax evasion. But today is his latest sentencing over his assault of his former omegas and multiple forced courtships charges-

“Sarah, Ellie! Breakfast!”

   “A single charge of claiming any omega without their consent carries a prison sentence of upwards of twenty years in prison and David has ten counts. The brave victims whose names and faces we may and should never know can finally live their lives in peace knowing that this man is behind bars.”

Joel replaced Sarah’s phone with a plate of bacon and eggs before sitting down himself.

  “You know the rules, no phones at the table.” Joel grumbled through his coffee,inhaling that shit to drown out the scents of the various couples in his pack. Eight in the morning was too far too early for perfume based love declarations.

   “It’s all anyone talks about at school, I hope they fry the motherfucker!” Ellie said through a mouthful of eggs.

  “Language!” Marlene, Anna, and Joel said in unison, a barely stifled laugh escaping Sarah who snuck her phone from off the kitchen counter.

 “You’re not wrong though, sweetie.” Anna said, patting Ellie on the head.

While his pack fell into a lively discussion/rant over the news, Joel’s mind was somewhere else, desperately trying to remember the name of the waitress he screwed behind the job site last night.

Lizzie?

Megan?

Did she even tell him?

Did it matter?

He had his rules.

No courtships without pack approval (mostly just Sarah’s approval because nothing got past Sarah Miller.)

No fucking around in town.

No bullshit.

Ruts were out of town experiences only, with waitresses and gas station attendants in need of relief not romance, people just like him trying to get off and get through the damn day. 

As long as he could get through the day, Joel Miller was good to go, mates not needed or wanted.

The only good thing to come out of his last courtship was grabbing her backpack and stealing the last bit of bacon off his plate.

Morning chaos got Joel out his head as the packhouse emptied, Ellie and Sarah heading toward his truck only for a U-Haul with tinted windows to block him in.

  “Shit!” Joel growled out, unable to stop himself from hitting the back of the moving van.

The truck reversed quickly and Joel threw his shit into his truck while the girls tried their damndest to peek into the darkened windows. Already sweaty, his hand grasped the door handle only to fall to his side when it hit him.

Honey.

The most perfect honey scent ran through the entirety of the alpha and it took everything within Joel not to fall to his knees right fucking there. When he had the strength to look up in search of the scent, all Joel saw was the corner of the sundress and a front door quickly closing.

His scent match just moved in.

Okay! This is all I got, if you want to see more please comment or reblog! This is my first time writing omegaverse so be nice :)

[iamwinklebottom]

THEME: “Random Ass Messages?”

Choices:

1. If this resonates with you, consider getting a personal reading here @ https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/shop/advice-psychic-mediumship-divination/32

• I keep hearing “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” by Kylie Minogue: https://youtu.be/c18441Eh_WE?si=vfUS2-a-jjamnS81

In the past, you used to fall in love with unworthy people and easily become obsessed a lot. You healed from this and realized that you went through these karmic cycles so many times, so your heart won’t get stolen by unworthy beings anymore.

You are very high vibrational. Please be careful. Check your astrology chart and become familiar with it.

You may not realize it, but people become obsessed with you easily. If you’re in danger, please reach out to me if you want my professional help and services: https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/shop/conjure-services/30

Dealing with stalkers can be very weird and uncomfortable, but please understand what the situation tells you and is teaching you about the “human condition” and your future.

Low vibrational obsession is not attractive or cute, but many people don’t understand that. Protect yourself. Some stalkers genuinely do attack and even hate the people they’re obsessed with and cannot possess.

2. If this resonates with you, consider getting a personal reading here @ https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/shop/advice-psychic-mediumship-divination/32

• I’m hearing a song I wrote. It’s personal and not public yet, but it’s about seeing a divine lover in a dream.

You need to start preparing yourself for love. I offer Divine Romantic Union Preperation services and Divine Love services: https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/s/search?q=Divine%20

These magical services also help with being able to only accept high quality love and give high vibrational love to high vibrational beings who actually deserve it.

Some self love work will benefit you too + Beauty Conjure & Confidence Charisma Conjure: https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/shop/conjure-services/30

You really feel like you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You’ve grown comfortable with that because of your past, but please understand that you specifically are meant to love and be loved genuinely. Great luck and much love to you.

3. If this resonates with you, consider getting a personal reading here @ https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/shop/advice-psychic-mediumship-divination/32

• I’m hearing “Hey Joe” by Jimi Hendrix: https://youtu.be/biguQQBpHjY?si=fv1DGjjjUgf7fs1E

At first I felt feelings of nervousness. Like “oh god.”

I heard “hey Joe, where you goin wit that gun in yo hand… I’m going to shoot my old lady; I caught her messin round with another man,” but that was just my human self perceiving only the meaning of the song.

You’re safe. Don’t worry. I’m not channeling MUCH about violence.

The thing is, this message is about Jimi Hendrix himself. He was perceived as ONLY a talented, confident, and charismatic sex symbol. Yes, he had those traits, but he was honestly very shy and kind (he did become violent when his mental health started to decline, so continue to prioritize emotional stability please: https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/product/-emotional-stability-conjure-service/260?cp=true&sa=false&sbp=false&q=true).

People will perceive your power and want you far away from them, but so close at the same time. You are a spectacle: a rare breed of being that people want to degrade and abuse, view up close with a glass between contact, or drag you into their personal space to hold forever. Be aware of this.

You must understand the vortex swirling around you and your existence. You are an odd starlight. It can be beautiful and healing, don’t let it become dangerous and unhealthy FOR YOU…

Prioritize evolution and development to assist you in this lifetime and the lifetimes after. Proper social navigation is necessary as well: https://www.iamwinklebottom.com/product/-social-navigation-conjure-service/295?cp=true&sa=false&sbp=false&q=true

[verdemoun]

i can just imagine drunk sean dropping the most fucked up reform school lore like its nothing and not knowing how to respond to the horrified looks hes getting

tw institutional child physical abuse

sean's reform school days were hell nothing in life had prepared him for it like imagine a traumatized boy who witnessed the murder of his father being sent to reform school darragh never raised a hand against sean in his life then one of his first nights there he woke up panicking because of flashbacks and got lashed with a belt for being awake past lights out. the future cleets and joes of the world would've made fun of him for crying in pain over getting the belt like for them it wasn't a big deal so sean wouldn't have ever thought about like how fucked reform school was because the other kids treated it like it was normal. darragh was really remarkable for the time period for never using corporeal punishment and both other kids and staff at the reform school would've made sean feel like he was the weird one for not having been abused and being 'weak' enough to cry over it.

so sean never talked about his reform school days in detail. like the first time it came up was like he was jumping off the bar and winced and when lenny was like 'are you okay' 'yeah landed weird on my ankle just the old chain playing up' 'the what' 'oh it was so funny back at reform school cus i was always trying to run off they kept me in leg irons *laughs* i was such a shit they kept them on that long that the shackles cut my ankle down to the bone and when they finally had to take 'em off it healed wonky *laughs harder* they called me gimp macguire for years' 'sean i'm so sorry that's awful' 'why aren't you laughing please laugh'

[cinnamongorll]

a fragile line - chapter 16

read on ao3 (111k words) | previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female OC

Tags: extreme slow burn, age gap, older man/younger woman, protective joel, jealous joel, hurt/comfort, pov third person, mutual pining, angst, sexual tension, friends to lovers, canon-typical violence, feral joel, parental abuse, eventual smut.

Fic synopsis: three years ago, Juliet escaped her father's religious survivor camp, ending up in the Boston QZ. Juliet created a life for herself in Boston, desperate to forget the trauma of her upbringing. One day, Juliet arrives home to find a mysterious letter which forces her to return to her home town. Juliet can't travel the harsh post-apocalyptic landscape alone, so she enlists the help of the grumpy and, at times, frightening man she works alongside: Joel Miller.

Word count: 4k

Chapter 16: 'Villain'

Almost a week later:

Juliet's POV:

“I’ll use those rocks to climb over, then I’ll pull you up, okay?” Joel commanded over the roar of water, gritting his teeth as he turned to stare at the makeshift path across the river.

“Shouldn’t I be the one helping you?” Juliet countered, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re the injured one, remember?” she said with a raised eyebrow. 

Joel stared back at her for a long moment, his nostrils flaring as he apparently restrained himself from vocalising his annoyance. Then he turned away from her, not even dignifying Juliet’s mocking concern with a response. 

Juliet let her eyes graze over Joel’s torso where, underneath the dark blue shirt, was his healing stab wound. Her mind instantly went back to that night: her clumsy stitches, Joel’s whiskey, the kiss they shared. Juliet blinked, shaking her head. She had put those thoughts behind her when they had left that house a few days ago, Juliet and Joel were back to normal. There were no lingering looks, no accidental touches, no intense conversations. That was in the past. 

“Juliet,” Joel called over the rush of the river. 

She stiffened. Juliet would never get used to the sound of her name on Joel’s lips. 

“Yeah, okay. You climb over the rocks then pull me up. I got it,” she reluctantly agreed. 

Joel looked down at her, his jaw clenched as his eyes scanned her face, then he nodded. 

He began to move, Joel was surprisingly agile as he stepped between the algae-covered stones, leading a path across the river, towards a larger formation of rocks towering over the other side. 

Juliet followed close behind, fiercely concentrating on not slipping and falling into the water. The current would pull her away instantly. Her eyes were trained on her feet, watching every step. When they reached the edge of the river, Joel turned, balancing on a stone, and stretched his hand out to Juliet, forming a gentle grip on her upper arm. Despite standing in the middle of a river, one wrong move from certain death, Juliet’s whole body ignited with the feeling of Joel’s touch. 

“Wait here,” Joel ordered as he titled his head down to meet her eyes, ensuring Juliet had heard him. Joel held her arm for another second to make sure her balance was okay, then he let go and turned towards the large rocks lining the edge of the river, blocking their path. Juliet welcomed the damp mist from the rushing water, cooling her scorching skin as she watched Joel grip the rocks and climb over. She cringed, thinking about how painful his wound must be.

When Joel reached the top, he turned, beckoning her with a single gesture to move forward so he could grab her. Juliet swallowed and stepped towards him, her legs threatened to tremble as she glided over the algae into Joel’s outstretched arms. His rough hands gripped her, Joel’s fingers digging into her flesh as he demonstrated the intense strength housed within his body and pulled her up onto the stable ground he crouched on. It would have been seamless if Juliet’s knee hadn’t hit off one of the rocks, causing her body to fall onto Joel’s, knocking him to the ground. 

Joel’s groan reverberated through Juliet’s body as she lay pressed against his chest. The sound of their heavy breathing was drowned out by the river, but Juliet could still feel Joel’s hot gasps on her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, some part of her believed that if she didn't open them, she wouldn’t have to acknowledge that she was once again lying on top of Joel. And that she was making no effort to get up. For those few seconds, Juliet savoured the feel of him beneath her.

“Juliet,” Joel grumbled, his voice strained by her weight on his chest. 

Juliet’s eyes flashed open, embarrassment flooding her. This position was too familiar, too intimate, she had to get up. Her eyes scanned Joel’s face, searching for that disgust she always assumed lingered in his mind from the last time they were this close. Instead, she found Joel’s features twisted in a combination of concern and pain. 

“You alright?” Joel asked in a low voice, barely audible over the rush of the river. His hands started to move again, circling Juliet’s wrists. Juliet’s eyes followed his movement, transfixed by the veins that covered his hands. Then she blinked and nodded slowly, forcing her mind to forget about the feeling of her body on his. 

Juliet nodded again, this time with more force and she shook her arms from Joel’s gentle grip, pushing herself up. 

Juliet stood and stretched her limbs, turning around to face the river as she watched it from the higher ground. It looked magnificent from this angle, the water moved so quickly, foam lingered around the rocks. She wasn’t able to appreciate its beauty when it was one wrong move away from causing her a quick, but very painful, death. 

Juliet kept watching the river with her back turned away from Joel as she listened to him stand up and fix his bag on his shoulders. When she finally turned around, Juliet had wiped every treacherous emotion from her face. Her mouth was set in a hard line and she swallowed rough, ready to continue their hike through the forest she knew all too well. Juliet scanned Joel’s face, making sure he was ready and then she stepped in front of him, heading off into the trees. She wasn’t able to hear Joel’s footsteps over the lingering sound of the river, but Juliet knew that he followed. 

…………………………………………….

Over three years ago, Juliet ran through this forest for two days. Day and night she clawed her way past trees and bushes, almost drowning herself wading through streams, and destroying her throat screaming into the wind. Until Blake eventually found her, huddled under a large tree, her face covered in scrapes and her body shaking with dehydration. 

Now, Juliet was back. This time, she hiked through the forest with Joel sulking behind her. This time, she was heading towards her nightmare, instead of sprinting away from it. This time, she didn’t run through the forest, in fact, her steps were slower than usual. Juliet was practically strolling through the trees, stopping every now and then to brush her hand against a tree trunk or run her fingers through some leaves. If Joel noticed her change of pace, he said nothing, just kept walking behind her. Juliet tried to ignore the heat of his gaze locked on the back of her head. She could feel his unspoken questions in the space between them, she could feel the intensity of his attention. 

The memories of this forest choked her. Tomorrow, they would reach her old home. In a few hours, Juliet would say goodbye to Joel forever. She would see Ethan again, but at what cost? Her life would be over. Juliet only had today, and here she was, forced to walk the same path she fought with blood and tears to escape. 

Juliet reverted to her usual coping mechanism: distraction. 

She twisted her body around, facing Joel as she walked backwards, praying she didn’t walk into a tree. Joel’s eyebrows shot up, the lines on his forehead growing deeper.

“So your brother, in Wyoming…” Juliet began, assessing Joel’s face to see if he was receptive to conversation. When he didn’t immediately shut her down, Juliet continued: 

“What’s his name?” she asked, twisting back around so she could walk beside him, matching her footsteps to his. 

Joel looked over at Juliet, scanning her up and down, his features still displayed his confusion. But he didn’t shut her down, he didn’t turn away. Maybe Joel sensed that she was falling apart inside. Maybe he could tell that she needed something to anchor her back to the present. 

“Tommy,” Joel finally replied. His voice was quiet and he tilted his head down after the name left his mouth, as though it was difficult for him to think about. Juliet knew that Joel didn’t like to share anything personal about himself, or talk about himself at all, really. She was desperate for more information, to hear that vulnerability in his voice again.

“Younger or older?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper. 

“Younger,” Joel said, his eyes now trained on his feet as they continued making their way through the deep forest. 

Juliet nodded. “Why aren’t you together?” 

“A long story,” he responded after a lengthy pause. Joel’s body had visibly stiffened, his footsteps heavier. Juliet swallowed. 

They still walked side by side, and Juliet felt that there was a strange anonymity to this position, neither could read each other’s expressions unless they actively turned their heads. A few minutes later, she tried again.

“So, you go to Wyoming and find Tommy… then what?” Juliet asked. She purposefully kept staring forward, she didn’t want to turn and see the scowl she assumed marked Joel’s face. After a minute, when he didn't respond, Juliet prompted: “Where are you going to go? What are you going to do?” in a cautious whisper. 

Only the sounds of their boots crunching over leaves and twigs filled the space around them. Then Joel’s voice broke the silence. 

“It’s never been an option before,” he said in a low voice. Then his head lifted to survey the trees that surrounded them. Juliet dared to glance over at his face and found a strange look flickering in Joel’s eyes, there was a glimmer of hope lurking behind his dark stare. His mind was allowing himself to imagine a future where he was alive, where he was safe, where he had choices which extended beyond survival.  

He turned to Juliet, a soft curve approaching the corner of his mouth. “Maybe an old farmhouse, some land… a ranch,” Joel drawled, his southern accent somehow thicker as he said the words. The ghost of a smile didn’t leave his face.

“A ranch, huh?” she asked, a little too quick and Juliet cursed herself. She didn't want to scare Joel with her desperate, traitorous, eagerness to know everything about him. “What kind of animals?” Juliet continued, slower this time, more cautious. 

“Sheep,” he answered instantly, then paused, staring down at Juliet and waited until she met his eyes. "They’re quiet, do what they’re told,” he continued in a low voice, amusement dancing in his eyes. 

Juliet’s lips parted in quiet shock, her steps almost stumbling, then a laugh burst out of her. It happened too fast, she didn’t have time to cover her mouth with her hands, to try and hide her smile. No, Juliet’s lips pulled back over her teeth, revealing a huge grin as laughter erupted from deep within her. All of the tension of the last week lept from her at the sound of Joel’s teasing words. “Yeah,” she said through a giggle, attempting to catch her breath. “Good luck with that.” 

Juliet’s laughter rang loud throughout the forest, she hadn’t even noticed that Joel had joined her. His quiet chuckle fused with her roaring amusement. It was only when Juliet turned that she noticed the change in Joel’s expression, the way his lips had stretched into a real smile and the lines around his eyes had deepened. And his eyes… his eyes burned with something Juliet was unable to pinpoint as he stared down at her. Juliet had spent so long with Joel now, she thought she had witnessed every emotion on his face, every expression in his eyes. But she was wrong.

As they continued their steps through the forest and their laughter eventually quietened, that new, startled look never left his brown eyes. 

……………………………………………………

Hours later, night descended on the forest and Joel steered them off path into a small clearing between a couple trees to set up camp. Since their truck was ransacked and they lost most of their supplies, Joel and Juliet had been sleeping on their jackets nearly every night. It was usually fine, the mild air would continue into the night and they were able to sleep somewhat comfortably. However, over the past week, the weather turned. It felt as though the world had remembered that it was now autumn and the temperature had suddenly dropped to match the season. 

“Would it be stupid to ask if we could risk a fire tonight?” Juliet asked, staring hopefully at Joel’s back as he bent down, searching through the backpack he had propped against a tree. 

Joel scoffed, stretching his neck around to meet her eyes. “What do you think?” he responded, sarcasm dripping from his deep voice. Any amusement from earlier was long gone, Joel was back to his usual grumpy demeanour. 

“Okayyy,” Juliet answered, lifting her hands in defence. 

They didn’t speak for a while after that, both of them silently reaching around in their backpacks, pulling out the remainder of their food supply. Juliet’s hands froze when she gripped the final can from the raided the high school. It suddenly hit Juliet that this would be their last meal together. Tomorrow, they would reach Juliet’s old community and they would go their separate ways. Never again would they eat cold twenty year old ravioli in a can, sharing identical looks of disgust. 

Juliet’s eyes fluttered closed and her chest tightened. Complicated emotions swirled in her gut. Tomorrow she would see Ethan again, she would save him from whatever torment her father had put him through. But any joy from seeing him again would be destroyed by the knowledge that she would take his place. Juliet’s free hand curled into a fist. 

Throughout this whole journey with Joel, Juliet knew where she was heading. She had prepared for it, mentally enforcing her emotional defences, ensuring she could survive. But it hadn’t felt real until they had reached the forest. The forest once meant freedom to Juliet, her journey was a gift from Ethan, it had marked her as a survivor. Now, it was just a reminder of what she had lost, what she was now forced to return to. 

“Hey,” Joel’s voice cut through Juliet’s spiralling thoughts. She looked up, her eyes wet with unshed tears. Joel stood above her, holding the remainders of his own food supply. 

Juliet held her breath, praying that Joel wouldn’t notice the tears in her eyes or the haunted expression on her face. 

He paused for a second, running a hand over the scruff of his jaw before he looked back down at her. “Ready to eat?” he asked, his tone was casual, as though he hadn’t just stopped Juliet from falling down a hole of her deepest fears and regrets. 

Juliet forced her mouth into a small smile, then she nodded. 

Joel had cleared an area between two trees and positioned his torch on the ground to provide some light. Juliet placed herself down against the tree, Joel sat opposite her, hitting the ground with a groan and murmur about his legs. Juliet just rolled her eyes. 

They ate in silence, passing the can between them and nibbling on the suspicious berries Joel had found. Juliet usually attempted conversation as they ate, she would crack some joke or ask Joel a handful of questions which he would either ignore or vaguely answer. During this dinner, their final dinner, Juliet was overcome by her sorrow. Thinking back to earlier that day, she couldn’t believe she had found a reason to laugh. That moment felt so far away to her now. Juliet just stared into the torch light, relishing in the way it burned her eyes. 

Joel cleared his throat. Juliet blinked and looked up, he was staring right at her, his jaw clenched and his eyes hardened when he noticed the expression on her face. Juliet hadn’t bothered to force a smile this time. 

“Can I ask you somethin’?” he asked quietly. Juliet was surprised, his voice was soft, gentle almost, a stark contrast to the darkness in his eyes. 

Juliet rolled her shoulders and leaned back against the tree. “Shoot,” she replied. 

Joel nodded, tilting his head downwards then back up to her curious face in a subtle movement. Joel appeared to be carefully considering his words, as if he were holding something back. 

“That fuck - Blake” Joel almost snarled, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he said the man’s name. “He said he found you half dead in some forest in Iowa... was he tellin’ the truth?” he asked, his voice was as sharp as a razor's edge. 

Juliet gasped, her mind flashed back to the gas station, trapped between the wall and Blake’s body as he taunted Joel.

“You remember that?” she whispered, her eyes glued to Joel’s dark stare. 

“Was he?” Joel pressed. “Tellin’ the truth?” 

Juliet looked away for a brief moment, searching for something in the dark to tell her what to do, to tell her what to say. She sighed, it was her last night with Joel, what was the harm in answering his question?

Juliet turned back to Joel, her fingernails began to dig into her palms. She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Was it this forest?” Joel questioned, his voice low and rough. His eyes scanned Juliet’s face with the bite of a surgeon's knife, she could feel it in the blush that erupted over her skin. She kept her features steady, her mask on, he couldn’t know how dangerous these questions were. 

“Yes,” she responded, attempting to keep her tone as casual as possible. Juliet didn’t want Joel to know that she was falling apart inside, that his questions were digging away at the walls she had carefully built over the past three years. She didn’t want Joel to know that she was terrified of what might spill out. 

“That’s what I don’t get,” he said, then sat forward, resting his arm on his bent knee. “Why would you be lyin’ half dead in a forest only a few miles from your home?” 

Juliet froze, every muscle locked up. She might have even stopped breathing for a second. Silence lingered between them. 

“Is there somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me?” Joel demanded, his voice was dangerous, probing… concerned. 

Juliet swallowed and shifted against the tree, then tilted her chin up, refusing to let her mask slip entirely even if it had faltered slightly. 

“No… I -” she started, then cut herself off with a harsh cough. “Something happened a few years ago and I had to leave,” Juliet began again, staring straight ahead at Joel. “I was young, didn’t know how to find food or shelter. Blake found me and we travelled across the country together. You know the rest,” Juliet explained quietly. 

Joel sat with her words for a minute, his face was lit up by the torch in a way that made him look even more menacing. His eyes weren’t just dark anymore, they were black. 

His gaze dropped to Juliet’s hands, where her fingernails almost burst the skin on the palms. Joel’s brows knitted together. 

“And now what? You’re just goin’ back? After all this time?” he barked out. Anger suddenly slowed through him, trembling his hands and deepening his scowl.  

“There’s people that need me,” Juliet argued.

“Your dad?” Joel questioned, his eyes narrowing.  

Juliet felt her walls begin to crumble. Where was this all coming from? Why did he wait until now to ask her all this? To question her story?  

“Yes, my father,” she said. “And others.”

Joel just scoffed and pulled his whiskey flask out his bag, taking a long drink.

Juliet remembered what happened the last time they shared that flask. The blush on her skin deepened. She had to diffuse this tension, Joel was getting worked up over nothing. She let out a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her, attempting to ignore the stinging crescent shaped marks now covering her palms.

“Listen, Joel. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me over the past couple months. But tomorrow I’m going home,” she stated, her voice clear, confident. Then she waited until he met her eyes again. “You’ll get your supplies, I promise.” 

Joel’s mouth dropped open, then shut again just as quickly. Juliet didn’t even have time to blink before he pushed himself off the ground and stalked over to her. 

“You think that’s what this is about?” he growled, towering over Juliet’s form as she pressed her back harder against the tree. “That I’m worried about the supplies?” he continued, then barked out a cold, humourless laugh.

Juliet didn’t like feeling small, she didn’t enjoy having Joel look down at her, so she stood. Even when standing as tall as she could manage, she still only came up to Joel’s shoulder, but it was better than cowering on the ground. 

Joel wasn’t shaken by her movements, he used it as an opportunity to stride closer to her until there were only inches between them. Juliet breathed in his scent of pine and smoke and had to stop herself from closing her eyes. 

Joel made a sound from the back of his throat and moved closer, forcing Juliet to back up against the tree behind her. Joel put his arms out, his palms now flush with the wood. Juliet was caged in.

“Juliet,” he whispered, the fury in his eyes had melted with the heat between their bodies. “I’m not gonna take you somewhere unless I know you’ll be safe, ” Joel vowed. 

Juliet’s eyelids fluttered close. Her throat was burning with all the words she couldn’t say to Joel. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so honest before. And now she had to repay him by lying to his face. 

She blinked up at him, her pupils flared at the close proximity between them. Joel could see every microexpression on her face, he could feel the rise and fall of her chest. If she was going to lie, it had to be convincing. Joel wasn’t a man to go back on his word, if he didn’t think her old home was safe then he would probably throw her over his shoulder and create a new plan to get to his brother. 

Juliet cleared her throat and reached a hand up to place on Joel’s chest. She could feel his heart thumping against her palm. 

“I’m going home, Joel,” she breathed, then dug her fingers deeper into her palm, preparing herself for the bite in her next words.

“It’s the safest place for me.”

As each word left her mouth, Juliet began to rebuild the wall in her mind, repairing the parts that Joel damaged with his unprompted concern. 

Juliet swore that Joel flinched, she felt his heartbeat falter under her gentle touch. But there was no time to reflect on it, no time to say anything else that might ease the pain she saw ripple across his features, because seconds later he had let go of her and stalked back over to his backpack by the other tree. 

Once again, the whiskey flask was in his hand, then he was taking another couple gulps before he dropped it back in his bag. 

Juliet’s back was still pressed against the tree, the cool bark helped ease the heat invading her skin. She couldn’t believe that she was cold earlier, that she had wished for a fire. At the sound of Joel’s metal flask hiting against the buckle of his bag, Juliet was knocked out of her trance and she moved forward, sliding back down to sit on the ground. 

She watched Joel reach over to the torch and hover his finger over the switch, then turn and catch her eyes again. Juliet almost gasped in shock. Joel’s expression was vacant, every emotion she had seen marked across his face had been stripped clean. He stared at her like she was a stranger, like he hadn’t just announced his devotion to her safety. 

“Get some sleep,” he murmured, and switched off the light. 

Even in the darkness, Juliet could still sense him near.

As they both drifted off, Juliet unconsciously reached her hand across the gap between them, her fingers almost touching the rough hand of the man who did the same.

______________________

@amyispxnk @shotgun-shelby

[taylortruther]

something that stuck out with me yesterday was not the "locked inside for six years" comment but the "we are proud of each other comment" like thinking about taylor for the past few years possibly feeling that the love of her life is not proud of her makes me feel sick especially considering how intertwined in her art he is

it has been said by blogs more insightful than me, but in 2016, taylor was so wounded - the world was telling her she didn't deserve her career anymore, she didn't know who to trust, she was pushing people away; for someone who dealt with self-loathing and trust issues and fear she'd lose it all for one misstep, this was a true nightmare scenario. the idea that joe loved her for her, who didn't judge her or see her as damaged goods, was so healing. the thing is, i think taylor was fearful of being Taylor Swift, Superstar - she was actively rejecting it for a time, imo, because she blamed it for her downfall in a way, but also because she knew that's not the her that joe knew or loved.

i don't know if taylor meant she regretted her time with joe. i don't think that's what she meant, i think it was more about how she wished she hadn't lived in fear for so long. we see now that she thinks the chaos when she goes to dinner or a game might be over the top, and she was actively avoiding those situations before - now she's just living her life, come what may. so imo it's more regret about letting fear dictate her decisions than anything. but her relationship with joe coincided with that time in her life. so if she partly regrets sticking around - in that mentality, in that relationship - well... that makes sense to me too.

also, again, the daylight outro, not wanting to be defined by fear, precedes taylor going back into the public eye (on her own and with joe) in 2019... and then the pandemic happened and pushed them back inside again. that's telling!

[satureja13]

Ji Ho and Jack set up a hot tub to heal Jack's pain so he can avoid the Temple and to free Jack from Kiyoshi's 'demonic influence' (that's how Jack calls it at least...)

Jack: "Let's jump right in and let the healing begin!" But Ji Ho hesitated. Of course he felt how hurt Vlad was when he saw him massaging Jack.

Jack: "Oh my, he really has a thin skin when it comes to you. Alright, I'll call him to join us."

Vlad's room is right nearby. Jack: "Vlad! Come over!" (Vlad was just playing 'Sims Forever'. Also with a hot tub scene! This game!)

As always, it's awkward.

For both of them. But what a stunning view they have from here!

The last time they'd been in a hot tub together is over a year ago. It was at the Temple in Mount Komorebi when Kiyoshi prepared them before they tightened their bond.

And they also still remember that embarrassing incident at the Tavern when Vlad attacked Ji Ho after he found him in the hot tub together with Jeb...

Vlad undressed and Ji Ho lowered his gaze omg. After all the times they'd seen each other naked ^^'

Jack tries to nudge them: "Let's change places." Ji Ho: "Ok."

Jack: "You could give Vlad a massage. You haven't charged the Bond for a while." ('Subtle' is not Jack's middle name hahaha). Vlad: "What? No!" (We all know what Ji Ho's massages do to Vlad...)

Jack: "I'll close my eyes ;)" As if this makes it less awkward ^^' Vlad is even more comfortable when Jack is around because he feels so lost when he's alone with Ji Ho.

Ji Ho: "Turn around." Vlad: "Um - ok."

Of course Jack didn't keep his eyes closed ^^'

He thinks of the time he's been in a hot tub together with Kiyoshi at the Jedi Temple... (Omg Jack, how are you supposed to heal if you can't get over Kiyoshi! But healing is a rocky, winding road. A back and forth. And even if you think you've made no progress at all by going one step forward and two steps back. You do.)

'I've kept it inside much too long There's no relief Carry it around just like a stone Too heavy for me I have paid the price of standing On the outside looking in

It's time to let the healing begin

A boy is strung out he's going through hell His mother weeps His spirit is broken and there's nothing left Just a terrible need And the days are marked by the heaviness of the heart It never mends Until the healing begins

And the tension prowels the streets like an animal The people stay behind their locks and chains It's a shame When so many are trying their best to live as one And the smoke from the fires covers up the sun

A young girl is lying in the dirt Her dreams ended there Caught in the crossfire on somebody's turf Hatred in the air

It's a voice that never sings A winter without the spring It never ends Time to let the healing begin'

Joe Cocker - Let the healing begin (Link above leads to the MV on youtube. It's such an amazing song and the MV is worth a watch. He sings about his painful past.)

From the Beginning  ~  Underwater Love ~  Latest 🛺 'Home happy Home' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

[icestarphoenix]

geez isp, second fandom you actively participate in and you already made another power system

i really liked the hc’s and explanations for some of the boxers’ more inhuman feats. while it could be boiled down to cartoon logic, the brain tinglies really got me goin on the ideas train and now i have a magic system

Edit: now with a part 2 :D

Punch Out: Worldbuilding and Magic

Every human intrinsically has the ability to manipulate magic, which is a force that can alter reality. People either don’t know how to use it, use it without knowing, or train to be able to harness it. Some have a natural talent or potential for magic while others don’t.

It’s difficult for the boxers to directly affect their opponents with magic during a match. Them being guarded and wary also guards against outside magical influence. For example, Great Tiger’s clones are corporeal and capable of touching physical objects. Although, during a fight, magic from his opponent interferes with his clones and causes them to pass right through. Very focused magic, however, may be able to break through someone’s defenses. It just wouldn’t happen in a boxing match with the need to focus on the physical fight itself.

Below the cut are the specific ways some boxers perform magic and/or some tidbits about them. This isn’t the definitive list of magic users, just the ones I thought of with more interesting ideas.

Glass Joe, with all his fights, subsequent losses, and age, should really have more lasting injuries than he does. It’s his tenacity that made his unconscious use of magic heal his body at a much faster rate than normal. Joe’s not any more resistant to pain or injury, oh no, just that he can fully recover from physical traumas more severe than others can handle.

Piston Hondo uses meditation to simultaneously hone his focus and his magic. His ability to keep up with the Shinkansen on foot is from hyperfocusing on his magic. While in a match, he of course cannot reach that level of speed, but meditating and rigorous training let him get closer and closer to doing so.

Bear Hugger’s ability to understand and communicate with animals originates from magic, but he chalks it up to animal magnetism and just being really empathetic.

Great Tiger has trained all his life in using magic, and as such he has the most versatility and best control over it. He is an example of what an expert magic user is capable of.

Don Flamenco has a naturally poor aptitude for magic, but he uses what he can mainly to make plant life prettier. His use of magic sustains and even lets flowers flourish, brightening their colors, strengthening their smells, making them bloom, etc.

The cut roses he has on hand are real flowers, and despite carrying the same ones around for weeks, they are still alive, healthy, and maintain their strong scent with his magic.

The strength of his magic also heavily depends on his emotional state. Confidence will boost it to the point where he can uppercut a bull into the sky. Shattering this confidence will weaken his magic and he becomes unable to sustain even a single flower.

Aran Ryan doesn’t think he’s any good with magic and sees himself as just particularly lucky. However, he is actually unconsciously using magic to subtly alter reality around him to his favor. He just believes he has the “Luck of the Irish” on his side.

Soda Popinski’s abnormally high magical potential from a young age caught the attention of scientists who began experiments with him to bring out this latent talent.

Ironically, all the treatments and sugar-coated medications Soda’s taken over the years has dampened his ability to perform magic normally.

Instead, that potential starts to come out when his body is processing large amounts of sugar. Soda’s extremely fast metabolism quickly burns away the glucose and gives him magically enhanced vitality and physical abilities.

The experimental serum Soda took in his TD match overclocked his magic use past what his body and mind should handle, and all the bottles he drank made it so he was very much not okay after the match was over. He took several weeks to recover.

He had the potential to become an even stronger magic user than Great Tiger. Soda doesn’t realize this since he never learned how to harness it like Tiger does.

Bald Bull makes an effort to not use magic, as he blames his constant hounding by the press on a potential unconscious use of magic attracting them to him. All his physical feats are completely natural.

In fact, his disdain for using magic is so strong that, when in a rage, his unconscious use of it nullifies other people’s ability to perform magic. As such, matches with Bull are determined purely by technique, skill, and raw physical ability.

If Bull is calmer, then magic use around him only weakens rather than nullifies.

Great Tiger realized this very quickly when he was floating by Bull and then unexpectedly face-planted onto the ground.

[azraeldoesnotdispute]

crusades era joenicky recs

dana asked me to make a crusades era joenicky fic rec list when I mentioned how much I loved them so that no one would rec me what I had already read, so here you go (apologies, I can’t get the read more to work)

The Stiff Heart

I ALWAYS love dana’s fics and it was just by chance that hers was the first one that popped up in my search. This has them having already established a truce and working together to find ‘the dream women’, but it has such a lovely build up to when they get together, sprinkled with plenty of UST and world building as they learn more about each other and dashes of them coming together to a truce.

The Favored Son(s)

Crusade era Yusuf and Nicolo are transported to current time and the boys, Joe in particular, have a hard time reconciling who they were with the love they now share. It’s like having a slow burn, but your OTP is already there and happy together at the same time. Lots of Joe doting, which is always a bonus, and the other two learning about each other and overcoming their past.

The Land of Turquoise

The immortals dream of each other when the universe has decreed that they are not close enough to one another. Joe and Nicky start dreaming of each other a month and a half into their truce, when they are sleeping side-by-side every night in the desert. How much closer can they be?

Honestly, I can’t sum it up better than the actual summary. So much UST and trust building!!!

Ardeo In Te

Omegaverse and soulmates? My fucking JAM

Djinn’s Eyes

Man, this fucking fic. It’s so good, has so much build up and world building, learning to overcome preconceived notions and find love. I can’t even find the words, it’s such a wonderful fic.

 Lessons Exquisitely Crafted

Yusuf goes home, leaving Nicolo behind, but he can’t shake him off because these are dumbasses who are meant to be together. It takes time for them to come back together, but they do, because they’re destiny.

The Weight of Fear

mpreg fic, where they have a night of passion and then Yusuf runs away, only to learn that Nicolo is pregnant once the girls find him to kick his ass. I love the story, how Nicky’s anxieties are written, how much Joe is stressed once he finds out that he accidentally knocked him up.

Heavy with the Weight of Who We Are

Yusuf can’t shake Nicolo, no matter how hard he tries, so they’re stuck together, learning each others languages and trying to figure out how to work together despite their differences.

Beginnings, Middles, Ends

Wind_Ryder did an amazing job with this series! It showcases how PTSD can affect a person, what having someone who cares about you can do to help you heal, and wraps it up by showing that somethings don’t just magically disappear over time.

Pistachios and Rosewater

The food alone makes reading this fic worth it, all of it looks delicious and it’s worked into the story so well, showing the progress of time and how cooking can mean love.

Holiest Among The Living

 This actually has very little joenicky, but I had to include it because it shows Nicolo’s journey to understanding everything he thought was true, isn’t, and that even people you thought were good can disregard others just because they’re a different color/religion/etc

O Jerusalem

Has selective mute Nicky in it, because PTSD is a serious thing, and soft Yusuf caring enough about the man who killed him to not leave him abandoned in Jerusalem. This is definitely a story about kindness and healing.

Death is Just a Beginning

Plenty of hate and anger, and not all at each other. Includes Nicolo being found out for having revived and Yusuf saving him, but the road is paved with plenty of fighting before they find their footing and destiny.