#so they can keep renting it for a year
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BLACK SAILS FANS NEVER LOSE
#POPPING THE BIGGEST BOTTLES#heres how toby stephens can still win an emmy#BLACK SAILS SWEEP#LUKE ARNOLDS PROMETHEUS NEXT IT'LL BE SO FUNNY#jon steinberg singlehandedly paying the rent of the black sails cast since 2014#I KNEW IT IN MY SOUL I KNEW IT#black sails#pjotv#this decision will keep me alive as a black sails centric blog for the next 5-6 years#wait pjotv filming in my city.....means my chance of meeting toby stephens are higher than ever :3#let him COOK#poseidon#idc if he's a nepo baby idc if he only got the role because of steinberg because toby stephens is gna SERVE#in bermuda shorts boat shoes and a hawaiian shirt no less
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"And you loved her once, too. You were inseparable. I remember the day the Featheringtons moved in across the square. From that day on, it was, “Penelope this,” and “Penelope that,” and “Penelope and I are going to read Don Quixote, and we are going to be knights.”"
Eloise Bridgerton & Penelope Featherington in Bridgerton // We're In Love by boygenius
#she is to be your sister#there is a time when that would've been your dream#me writing a dissertation explaining the metaphorical karaoke that is eloise taking part in the social season the year that she is without#penelope and the year that penelope has started actively seeking a husband. do you get it. lady whistledown pays attention to society#and eloise scorned and heartbroken only readily walks into it when shes lonely and missing the friend who writes about society.#anyway. it makes sense to me . this is just an expression of the rot so I can try and fuckin. do my job instead of thinking about this#fictional lesbian who keeps falling in love with her friends without realizing it because she doesn't know about lesbianism.#bridgerton writers you are torturing her!!#eloise bridgerton#penelope featherington#peneloise#bridgerton#eloise & penelope#constantly thinking about colin essentially calling out his sister for being in love with his wife#and then whiffing it by saying or something like. lets think on that one colin#rent the musical voice “sisters?” “we're close”
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should i accept this job i was offered?
#its a move to an expensive area that i will likely have yo live w multiple roommates and idk if im i to that right now in my life :/#its a really good job but it could also be bery corporate#i would be glad to leave my situation BUT that means rent goes up a lot#and i kinda just wanna keep saving up#and idk!! like i would be dumb not to take the job but im kinda leaning that way rn#i know the area i would live jn is literally peoples DREAM but i know how isolating and exhausting the culture can be#like if you havent lived i a place like it you literally cannot understand#but i HAVE#anyways thr job and the interviewers were so fucking nice and everyone seems so happy to have me#and like it WOULD be so good for my career#but i just dont know!!#and im not guaranteed a job where i am right now which is SCARY#SO SCARY#like what if i say no to this and never get another job offer ever in my life#this is my first fullyime job offer jn literally three years what the fuck#how am i even considering sayjng no#and yet...
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i've gone to sleep angry and woken up angry every day since last saturday
#the flatmate who moved out was made CRYSTAL clear of her contractual duties to keep paying rent until she's been replaced on the lease#just like the other flatmate who moved out (and flatmate B is a student who works part time and has a deadbeat dad she can't move home to)#flatmate A works full time and will be living at home rent free and only moved out to go on a free holiday to mexico with her sisters#but it's flatmate A who's throwing a tantrum saying she wants her bond back and wants to stop paying rent now#even though no one's moved in to replace her on the lease WHICH WAS THE STIPULATION OF HER BREAKING IT EARLY#she KNEW this and she avoided all attempts at conversation about it before she moved out#but now that we're not face to face she's so brave over text with her lawyer sisters in her ear trying to tell us we're fucking her over#and trying to get us to pay HER RENT on top of our own#it's a fixed term lease you can only break it if you abide by the conditions the landlord sets#and the conditions were that she find someone to replace her on the lease#she's claiming that bc flatmate c (who's staying in the flat) moved into her room out of his couples room (bc him and flatmate b broke up)#that that somehow counts as her being replaced on the lease#no matter how many times we tell her that's not the case because how the fuck could he replace her when he's already on the lease#she refuses to listen. IT'S A ONE IN OUT SYSTEM BABE AND YOU'RE STILL IN#it's just soooooo shitty and sneaky like we've been friends for three years and now she's throwing it all away for WHAT#i hate people pleasers i hate people who hide their selfishness and sneakiness behind smiley faces and kisses#how is it in ANY way fair that the rest of us pay her rent so she can go on holidays. yeah i'd fucking like that too girl#it's stressing me out so bad because she's trying so hard to get between us all and tell one person that the other person said something#and then you ask the other person and they say no i absolutely did not say that#and we have proof evidence and facts on her side but she refuses to believe them#anyways. we've referred this all on to our landlord now so now it's her problem and out of our hands#ugh. it just sucks because we were really close friends and now what are we
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I, lowkey, wanna try to make lil' comics about Cult of the Lamb. The thing is, I always start making comics, but never finish them (except for 2 that were like, one shots). And, I don't know, kinda scared of making the first step for, probably, stupid reasons.
Imma try to sleep on it, it is 4am here, after all. Making the post in hope of not forgetting.
Good night people
#cabi leodrann#saw a post about Tumblr being an intimate journal in a group chat for someone#imma try this too lol#cult of the lamb#i just wish my brain and body wasn't that much of a road block#i want to do stuff so badly#but i can't keep up#hell i have to redo my school year because i burned myself out and now im kust sitting on my ass frustrated because i can do jackshit#i haven't even been consistent with drawing regularly even tho its the one thing i love and can do#so yeah stuff#rent
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Have you guys ever had to leave an apt you just moved into? If so, how did you deal with it mentally cause I might have to do that and I'm about to have a fucking meltdown 🤮
#I'll keep this in the tags but basically we rented a condo#coincidentally the owner's wife happened to know my gf#so got the place pretty easily v quickly aigned a lease etc#anyway they had a month to prep it for move in#they themselves lived here for like 8 years so we were like for sure they took care of the place#well#it was filthy first of all#cabinet doors were falling off#there's a weird moldy smell and every time i open a new appliance theres scum and mold like you wouldnt believe#and this fucking guy is acting like we're nitpicking#i am so exhausted#and now hes like well if you guys are unhappy we can have a larger conversation#like#bro#NOT THE FUCKING POINT
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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#vent post#tw vent#my mom: it’s okay you’re homeless u can come here and have a gentle landing and we can work together to get u and ur fiancé back on ur feet#me: okay great now I can work off my huge overdue queue that I was having panic attacks about daily-#mom: actually fuck u ur a disgrace I need you to clean my whole house every single day and I’m going to knock on ur door every 20 minutes#and disturb ur focus (ik u have adhd it’s stupid just get over it) also ur whole family knows how much of a failure u are and are going to#scream at you on the phone about how you’re not doing anything despite the fact you’ve helped out every time I’ve asked and THEN SOME to#the point of eye exhaustion and shivers and mental breakdowns and then I’m going to forget it ever happened and make you do MORE chores and#yell at u if you say u need to focus again#me: …….. so this is the gentle landing huh?#I’m so fucking exhausted#they keep saying my art doesn’t make money and isn’t a career LITERALLY IT IS HOW DO U THINK I PAID FOR FOOD AND RENT FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS#they keep calling it my ‘little art thing’ and insisting I get a real job WHEN I HAVE ACTUAL PAID COMMISSIONS I HAVE TO WORK ON#I can’t just ignore these and fuck off to answer phones or stock shelves at your friends friends aunts car dealers place fuck OFFFFFF#like being homeless with 4 cats and 6 boxes of belongings isn’t hard enough I have to be fucking berated by people who haven’t tried talking#to me IN MY LIFE EVERRRRRR#fuck off
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i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them
#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up#but i don't feel brave i feel tired#so basically i had three different jobs this year#first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic#i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice#now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year#and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless#my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent#and i really don't want to go back to my parents#i know i can but i wanna stay here#i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up#so i just took the job i didn't want#and i keep looking for something i might actually like#but god i'm tired#i feel like the biggest fucking failure#i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard#i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people#and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone#i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat#but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again#ugh#talking shit for the hell of it*
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The following day, two of the Beatles were sitting in the Kardomah café. Their Wednesday-night Cavern residency was preceded this week by a lunchtime session, and John and Paul were still in the habit of staying in town on such days, idling away afternoons in “the KD.” This time they were chatting to one of John’s old mates from art school, who then said, “I believe Brian Epstein is managing you—which one of you does he fancy?” It was just a bit of lads’ banter, something that often came up behind Brian’s back, along with digs about him being Jewish. Nothing more would have been said about it if one of the two Beatles (or both) hadn’t then relayed the comment to Brian’s face. He was mortified. It was a stain on his character; it was combustible, in view of homosexual acts being illegal; and, because he was still denying this side of his life to the Beatles, it was a direct challenge for him to respond. Forty-eight hours later, Brian turned the matter over to his lawyer; and seven days after passing the comment, John’s friend from art school was dumped deep in it.
We have been consulted by Mr. Brian Epstein who instructs us that on the February 21st last in the Kardomah Café, Church Street, Liverpool, you uttered a certain highly malicious and defamatory statement concerning him to two members of the Beatles. We are instructed that in the course of a conversation you said, “I believe Brian Epstein is managing you. Which one of you does he fancy?” The unwarranted innuendo contained in that remark is perfectly clear and is one to which our client takes the gravest possible exception and the damaging nature of which has caused him considerable anxiety and distress. He is not prepared to tolerate the utterance of such remarks by you and we accordingly have to require that we receive by return your written apology together with an undertaking that this or similar remarks will not be made by you in the future.
The apology and undertaking arrived by return of post and that was the end of the matter—but it was another hard and damaging episode for Brian.
From Tune In (Ch. 25: Feb 6–Mar 8, 1961)
#brian epstein#eppy and the boys#john and paul#tune in#mark lewisohn#read this over a year ago and then had trouble finding it again#so i’m copying to save here#in my head i short handed it as a cease and desist letter for a rent boy joke#lawyers and the beatles#the most interesting thing is that j&p mention it to brian#lewisohn implies its pauls doing but i can see either or both using this as an early test of brian#more like brian people are saying x what are you gonna do about it#its silly lewisohn keeps up this idea of the boys not knowing when brian brings them to a gay bar in london nye 1961#i doubt they were clueless#but even if they were cool with it telling brian means they werent cool with the resulting implication people might have#i sometimes think thats what was behind the homophobic sounding jokes john lobbed at brian in the presence of reporters#eppy and john#i feel like its always a big part of why paul will always deny barcelona#eppy and paul#kardomah cafe#reading tune in#1962#fic bunny#spring 62 is such a precarious time#i believe this lines up with the timing of the nutting story too
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#poll: will you still love me if i make a patreon#look im gonna be real with you i spent a year saving up money for top surgery and this past month i had to pull out of it for rent#which is uhhhhh breaking my brain a little#i do want to keep these sketches free for all the reasons i always say#so im thinking early access#votes on which requests to do each day#votes on which high quality projects to tackle#access to uncensored animation and finalized comic pages#and possibly a zine that reguarly goes out with some sketches so you can physically own them#watcha think#bc im gonna be real i wanna run this blog for like the next 100 years but im in the red#several days this past month i have not had money for food literally genuinely#and im racking up credit card debt from my dogs paw stitches last month#um lmk what you think#would you be interested in special content for like a few dollars a month#check yes or no#Pete#Patrick#peterick#preh#preh Patrick#preh pete#art#that's why i haven't been posting as consistently btw ive been really conflicted#and trying to figure out how to keep things accessible and stay like alive#i live alone so the amt i have to make is kind of ridiculous im doing my best
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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one of the best things about a seeing a play or a musical in person is the little quirks and unique ways the actors play their characters and how even their appearance or voice can fully influence your perception of a character. unfortunately this is also one of the worst parts of seeing a play or a musical live
#i speak#because then the official recordings are DIFFERENT and its not the same guys :(#i just saw a show and looking at the official broadway recording its like. hm#this cast utilized silence So Well and idk if the original one does it the same#this exact thing happened when i saw a local production of rent a few years ago. the recordings are just different#anyways. sign my petition to have every production record their show and sell it afterwards so you can keep it Forever
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You know what? I just have to believe it will be good and I will be able to make it good. I can make it good. I can make the most out of it. I have so much to be grateful for and I will be happy
#i cannot find it for some reason but pretend this is a reblog on that post that's like#I bounce between“I can survive living at home again” and “I never want to live at home again” at top speeds#<- really badly paraphrased my own post#i forgor#anyway#I was just in the garden and sure it's a MESS but I was looking at it and thinking like hey you know I could actually fix that#lots of the mess I could pick up and dispose of myself and then I will hire someone to sort the lawn part it can't be THAT much#plus I will be working and not paying rent + utilities so I hope/think I will have a lottttt of disposable income#(the way less than £1K a month is a lot of disposable income to me GOSH. anyway)#my mum doesn't want to spend any money on the house because she wants to be moved but she's been trying YEARS and it hasn't happened#meanwhile she lives in a house that's a state and she hates it#and I'm not doing that for 2 years a garden is a privilege and I want to use it#depending on how much it is I might get the lawn replaced since neither me or my mum will be able to keep on top of cutting it#(hence why there are brambles taller than the fence out there)#I'm not sure with what though don't love the idea of patio but ugh it's low maintenance innit#and if I cam fix the garden I can fix the rest of the house#I get nowhere imagining the worst so I may as well imagine the best#nattering
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//update
#uhHh sorry for the radio silence ots been a rough year for me#got fired on Feb and have been trying to maintain jobs (amd failing) having to borrow money from friends n family constantly#been trying to keep me and my partner afloat by selling adopts and commissions along w selling some of our own stuff#for grocery/rent/bill money#and last month i was admitted to the hospital due to unusual fatique and thirst and low and behold ive developed diabetes#tho when i went in it was really bad and was close to either a diabetic coma or death (blood sugar was at 350+)#but ive been out for a few weeks now but i really need to get a well paying job so that i can apply for health insurance again ciz insulin#is so expensive..#//tbd#//thought id update yall#//things have not gotten better but im trying
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