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werejusttouchingeachother · 5 years ago

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PARIS 2017 [September 29th, 12:47AM]

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 T/W: mild cursing? Words: 4579

“Have you been here before?”

Baekhyun’s voice sounds clearer in the cool Parisian night, clearer than you’d heard it before. Maybe it’s because it’s the first time you’re actually paying attention solely to the man beside you and just allowing your feet to carry you mindlessly around the city whose streets had been committed to memory but his words sound crisp and melodic.

You’d always liked his voice. Although you listened to EXO’s songs a lot and maybe had a slight liking towards Sehun—he was cute and you loved his husky but smooth raps—you’d always appreciated Baekhyun’s vocals, especially the bridges with his high-notes.

However, you never expected to hear this voice so close.

And especially not to moan in your ear in a dark room as he laid on top of you.

Your brain momentarily crashed like the pages of an internet browser as the memory of what happened earlier today resurfaced and you cleared your throat involuntarily, realising simultaneously that he was waiting for you answer.

Shit. What had he asked? Oh, right, if you’ve been here before.

“What, Paris?” You asked, looking around for the first time since you stepped out of the hotel and nodding. “Yeah, quite a bit. It is the fashion central, after all. Even before the boutique, I used to visit to research and learn. I was an apprentice here for a while.”

“Did you study designing then?” Baekhyun asked curiously, moving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

You hesitate, not knowing what exactly to say and how much of it you could say. Several veteran designers in the industry still considered you a ‘rookie’ and a ‘newbie’ but you’d been around for more than a couple of years and it was enough to have several interviewers ask you the same question that Baekhyun had just asked and still have you momentarily pause the exact same way.

Baekhyun shoots you a glance at your silence and you clear your throat again, answering, “Not... exactly. My parents weren't exactly supportive of me so I was forced to attend medical school. I’d been failing because I busied myself with a lot of work on the side to make money so I could drop out and pursue what I actually wanted.”

You’re regretting the words as soon as they’ve left your mouth, already wondering if you’ve said too much. Especially since this was your first actual conversation and a small teeny tiny part of you didn’t want it to be the last which is why you were worried if you’d scared him away already with your sob story of how you went from rags to… well, designer.

Baekhyun nods, his eyebrows furrowed more in an expression of concern rather than awkwardness at hearing something quite personal as he slowly says, “I guess it worked then?”

You laugh at his hopeful tone, replying, “In the most chaotic way, yeah, I think so. The medical school kicked me out because of my grades and low attendance and that lead to my parents kicking me out of the house so I just took all the money I had and worked multiple jobs that would all help me pay to reach my goal and as hellish as that was, it worked out in the end.”

You trail off and notice that Baekhyun is staring at you intently. You can see the question in his eyes, the question that he's hesitant to ask but you cheerfully brush it off, forcing yourself to sound happier as you continue, "But hey, I’m in Paris right now and I’m wearing clothes that I created and so is that man over there.”

Baekhyun doesn’t look away from your face even when you point at the gentleman across the street who is sporting a jacket from your last year’s fall collection. You smile slightly, still feeling your heart swell up with pride at the sight despite it being a common occurrence now due to your brand’s popularity and you mumble, “I have a boutique three blocks away from here—in Paris—and I just finished my own runway—again, in Paris—so, I guess it’s not all bad.”

He smiles, his cheeks puffing slightly as he nods in agreement. “Fruits of success. It’s worth it.”

You can feel him hesitate as he starts to ask something but you cut him off again before he can even ask it by questioning, “What about you? Idol life is treating you well, I suppose, since you can branch out and explore designing now?”

His smile turned wry at that, broad shoulders raising slightly in a half-shrug. “I mean, I guess so. I’ve always been interested in fashion so this is a great opportunity. I’m honestly pretty excited for it.”

You grin genuinely at that, unable to stop yourself at how adorable he looked when he said that, his eyes becoming little crescent moons at how he smiles. “I’m excited for you too, Baekhyun.”

He raises an eyebrow at that, looking like he didn’t believe you in the slightest. “Oh really?”

“What’s that tone supposed to mean?” You ask defensively, stopping to look at him. “I am!”

“Even after everything I said?” Baekhyun turns to face you completely, brown eyes focused on yours. As much as you loved the grey lenses from the show earlier, you found that you could breathe easier when these were gazing at you.

“You apologised,” you rolled your eyes. “I've let it go so why haven't you?”

“Cause I feel like you haven't and you're just pretending," he replies wryly. At your incredulous look, he scoffs, “Oh, come on. You and I both know that you’ve been holding what I said against me all this time.”

He pauses before he suddenly smirks, eyes glinting in a way that has you apprehending what he’s going to say next before he even says it. "Well. At least, you were until you were literally up against me—”

“Hey!” You shout, pointing to an area behind Baekhyun where you could see a bright red board. “Does that board read ‘Little Seoul’? Oh my god, THAT’S TTEOKBOKKI!”

You don’t wait for him to turn as you run past him, certain that your entire face was flushed brighter than the board that you were running to. You hurriedly skipped down the few brick steps and approached the small stall with the petite brunette who smiled welcomingly at you.

“Hello,” you greeted politely, smiling at her and trying to calm your pounding heart. The woman’s gaze riveted behind you and you stilled slightly, quickly pointing to the tteokbokki.

“Do you want one?” You asked Baekhyun without looking at him, feeling his arm brush against yours as he stood beside you.

“Sure,” he chuckled softly, his tone filled with amusement. You peer at the menu board on the side of the truck with faked interest in an attempt to avoid talking to him and even without glancing at him, you knew he was gazing at you with that teasing lilt to his lips that had taken an almost permanent place on his face when around you.

You take the two small plates that she hands to you, the bottom warm and comforting against your cool palm as you give one to Baekhyun.

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve had this,” you mutter as you bite into the saucy rice cake. You make a sound of happiness at that back of your throat as the spiciness hits your tongue, bursting with flavour. He hasn’t bitten into his yet, your words causing him to furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he asks, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been craving tteokbokki for almost a month now,” you explain, licking the sauce off your lips as you chew it happily, loving the fat spongy texture and swallowing before continuing, “Either I never have time to go out to have it myself or when I do, it’s late and the Korean restaurants are closed.”

Like now.

You frown in realisation and glance up at the smiling woman as you switch to French and ask, “How long are you open?”

She pauses for a moment, as if not expecting you to speak French and quickly replies, making your eyes widen as you glanced down at the street.

“She said that there was a Korean food fest going on over here,” you translate, looking around and seeing a few food trucks at the farthest end of the street although they were closed. “Apparently today was the last day and this is open only for a couple more hours. I guess that makes us pretty lucky, huh?”

You turn to him and notice him staring at you. “What?” You ask.

“You know French?” Baekhyun asks, his tteokbokki untouched.

“Oh. I mean,” you shrugged nonchalantly. “Kind of, I guess? I’ve been here for a while so I know the basics. Enough to get by but not fluent, though.”

“Something is better than nothing,” he mutters, grabbing the chopsticks and finally digging into the food.

You stare at him, confused about his tone and just start to ask him about it when he raises his head and looks at you. "So? What's the deal? Missing Korean food?”

You nod, swallowing what’s in your mouth to answer him. “It’s been a while since I've been back in Korea so yeah, I haven’t eaten it for a long time. You know what I miss most? This. Street food open at 3AM. Drinking soju in public without being fined for it."

"Wi-Fi,” Baekhyun interjects drily and you groan in agreement, nodding profusely.

“Why don’t you come back then?” He asks curiously, biting into the rice cake. “A vacation couldn’t hurt, right?”

You don’t respond, taking time to slowly eat the tteokbokki as you stall answering his question but he doesn’t catch on as he prods further, “Wait, Korea wasn’t mentioned in your website. Do you have an outlet there?”

You shake your head, still chewing and he continues, “You should! It’s a shame that you don’t have it there yet.”

You stay silent as you figure out what to reply, wondering what to filter out and Baekhyun catches the shift in the atmosphere as he lowers the plate, turning to face you more fully, waiting silently for you to answer.

Hesitating, you finally say lowly, “I have a lot of bad memories in Korea. Whether it was home or school or just… my parents.”

You trail off quietly towards the end, swallowing the words that were threatening to leave your mouth: ‘Korea suffocates me. I can never stay too long there without being reminded of my bedroom where I was locked for days, forced to look at anatomical charts and medical textbooks. How my only happiness when growing up was looking up at the sky and imagining skyscrapers and the Eiffel tower—how that helped me breathe better but then I’d blink and see cherry blossoms and I’d feel suffocated again.’

You don’t realise you were spaced out and just staring down at your plate until you felt sauce smear on your lips. You raised your head to see Baekhyun holding out a tteokbokki slice on his chopstick in front of your mouth, nodding at you to eat it. You blink, shaking yourself out of your slight trance and wrap your lips around the bit that he fed you, chewing it with a small smile.

“You know,” he says, pulling his chopstick back to his own plate as he thinks. “That’s more of a reason to start one. You should flaunt your success. Prove that it wasn’t such a bad decision to follow your own dreams, after all.”

“Yeah, maybe,” you mutter softly, thinking about what he said. The atmosphere is slightly terse with the shift in conversation and you want to kick yourself in the face for bringing up your shitty past and ruining the mood when Baekhyun suddenly starts talking about how the tteokbokki tastes surprisingly better than the ones he had in Korea. He then tells you how he usually refrains from eating so late into the night—or technically, morning—since it makes his face bloat and he even puffs his cheeks to demonstrate to you exactly how bad it can get but you’re giggling at how round and mochi his face is, teasing him about how it isn’t that bad of a look and that he looks almost like a chipmunk stuffing his cheeks for the winter.

Even though you would never openly admit it, after that breakfast buffet at the hotel, you’d went back to your room and searched up a lot on Byun Baekhyun. Unsurprisingly, everything that the internet gave you was information on EXO’s Baekhyun and even though you forcefully suppressed smiling and laughing at his silly antics and contagious smile in almost every interview—he wasn’t called the crackhead clown of the group for nothing—you had wondered whether it was just an image created by the agency, or just a persona he maintained in front of the cameras.

Strolling with Baekhyun on this chilly night in the streets of Paris, however, had quickly opened your eyes to how wrong your assumption was. He was the easiest person to hold a conversation with, someone who surprised you with how hard he got you laughing and who never gave your thoughts a chance to be led astray. The whole time that you’d spent dressing at the hotel, you were worried about how the night would go—whether it’d be awkward, whether you two would just end up arguing again, whether you would regret agreeing to go out with him, whether Seoyeon’s warning would end up scaring you into overthinking and chickening out before you could wander very far.

But you’d been pleasantly surprised by how the night was going.

In fact, you lost track of time.

And despite living a hectic life where that was a common occurrence, never had time been lost while strolling leisurely across the streets of your most favourite city in the entire world.

Perhaps one of the most magical things about Paris was the way the city seemed to change at night, an almost magical mist entering the air as the lights began to sparkle brighter—making you feel similar to the way that you did when you drank too much French wine, almost deliriously gleeful. Your heart raced every time you looked up, never tiring of seeing the beautiful skyline as you breathed in the cool air. Paris always made you feel the same way you did when you’d first seen it, immortal in its immaculate beauty, in the way that it made you feel like no time had passed since that first breath you took of the city. Even the most cynical person would begin to hope here, would feel the tug in their heartstrings.

It was the city of love and even if one didn’t find someone under these skies, they would leave while unknowingly carrying a piece of Paris in their heart.

You lead Baekhyun to the Eiffel tower, watched his eyes sparkle with the reflection of the lights shining brightly in the night as the two of you stood at a distance with a perfect view—one that wasn’t too crowded by tourists. He didn’t stop talking then either, exclaiming, “Wah, it’s really so pretty,” over and over again until you were rolling your eyes, grabbing him by his sleeve as you tugged him down 31st Avenue, along the alleys that the other tourist guides wouldn’t ever care to show but were your personal favourites—you excitedly babbled about the history and architecture of the pretty bricked-road streets, talking about how you’d wandered aimlessly for months as an apprentice when you first came to Paris with hardly any money and just a head full of dreams.

Baekhyun is keenly paying attention, his dark eyes always on you and a little smile on his face as he watches you almost stumble over your words in your rush to tell him everything about the quirky vintage stores that had the cutest tees, recommending him to visit it during the day when it’s open and that he could use it as inspiration. He’s quick to grab your waist and pull you aside when someone speeds past you on their cycle in that narrow alley, his hand lingering a little longer than necessary as he gazes down at you before letting go.

Now you’re sitting on the roof of a building that faced the Seine, both your legs hanging off the edge and you’d expected Baekhyun to be more concerned about the fact that you’d taken him to a restricted area that definitely wasn’t for loitering around and could definitely get the two of you in trouble if the security caught you but he’s only too content to follow your lead and sit beside you to listen as you pointed out your favourite fancy restaurant, your favourite café, the corner where your favourite street performers—Lucetta, who played the guitar and her brother Noah who sang along with it every Saturday and Sunday night.

You learn things about him that you didn’t read off the internet: Baekhyun tells you how he misses his members whenever he’s out doing a solo project or promotion, how passionate he’s been about singing from when he was a child, how much he loves and misses his mom who still babies him especially since they don’t meet as frequently as they’d like to, how Europe always makes his heart ache because of all the people walking their dogs which reminds him of Mongryong, how he hates it when anyone feels left out and how he gets easily concerned over people.

“Like you, tonight,” Baekhyun cites as an example. “I’m actually surprised you’re still… upright. Especially when all you’ve had tonight is, what, coffee from the morning and that tteokbokki?”

You nod sheepishly and he shakes his head at you. “You really shouldn’t do something like that. It’s really bad for your health. You work with models every day, shouldn’t you be setting better examples?”

“I know, I know,” you respond weakly, sighing as you pick at the hem of your shirt. “I’ll… eat better.”

“And I should believe you, why?” His tone is slightly mocking and you can’t help yourself as you turn to him a small grin of your own, muttering, “Well, because of the two of us, I’m the one who doesn’t lie to people’s faces.”

Baekhyun groaned loudly, smacking his palm tiredly over his face as he says, “I’m going to jump, I swear I am—or I should just push you off.”

You’re laughing at his tone as his hand comes to your arm playfully, threatening to push you off and you place your hand over his to shove him off instead but his hand loosens around your arm, fingers splaying beneath your own. Your eyes are immediately on your hand hovering over his, reminding you of the power room with the switches.

You feel the blood rush to your cheeks with the sudden thought and your body stills in a way that you’re certain he noticed. You’re not even sure if you’re breathing as you feel his slender fingers on your arm, his touch searing into your skin even through the thick fabric of your jacket.

You slowly lift your eyes from his hand to his face only to realise that he’s already gazing at you.

It’s the same gaze. The one from the power room, the one from the hallway at the hotel, the one he gave you in your room, the one he gave you as you bought tteokbokki.

You can’t believe you were such a fool to think his natural chocolate eyes were less lethal than the grey lenses from the fashion show—not with this gaze.

And you were willing to bet that his eyes could be any colour under the damn sun but that gaze would still get you in trouble, regardless.

You can feel his warm breath hit your mouth, his pouty lips parted in a way that made it quite difficult to look away from them. The warmth and the electricity in the air crackling around you was such a contrast to the chilly breeze and you didn’t realise that the both of you had been leaning in until the tip of his nose met yours halfway.

A loud horn blares through the air suddenly, startling both of you.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, your heart in your throat as you whip your head around to see a familiar boat on the Seine approaching the shore. You can faintly feel his lips on your cheek, having met with it by your sudden movement. It’s the softest, gentlest butterfly touch and you’re not even sure if you only imagined it. You definitely feel Baekhyun’s sigh against your face as he turns to follow your gaze but your eyebrows are furrowed as you stare at the familiar boat.

“Wait, is that…,” You trail off as you try to read the name but you already know that it’s Gemini from the red and blue colours.

And Gemini reaches shore at…

You hurriedly pull your phone out from your jacket and your eyes widen as you loudly exclaim, “Oh my God, its 4AM!”

Baekhyun doesn’t seem too bothered, staring at the approaching boat with a distant look in his eyes, lost in thought. You stand up and tug his shoulder to pull him up, Baekhyun slowly following your lead with a sigh.

“You have a schedule, you know,” you remind him as you quietly climb over the chain barriers that signalled the rooftop as a restricted area.

“Yeah, so do you,” Baekhyun retorted childishly, making you roll your eyes with a smile at his tone as the two of you hurriedly walk out of the building and sneakily stride past the sleeping security.

You both stand on the pavement, facing the main road as you pat your coat down for your wallet. With a growing trepidation, you glance over at Baekhyun and give him a nervous smile. He raises an eyebrow in question and you ask, “You don’t happen to have any money on you, do you?”

His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he searches his own pockets, muttering curses when he came up empty.

“I thought you could afford meals for both of us,” you said wryly and his eyes widened as he held his hands out.

“I can!” He exclaimed. “I left my wallet back at the hotel. Shit. Wait. Who paid for the tteokbokki?”

“Me,” you replied, checking your phone. “I just had a few euros in my pocket, I forgot to take my wallet too.”

“I’m so sorry, I’ll pay you back at—”

“Don’t be stupid, you’ll do no such thing—wait,” you muttered as you scrolled through your contacts. “I guess we were both so excited that we just forgot to take money for dinner or even have the dinner.”

“Oh. You’re right. Do you want to have dinner?”

“What? No. Its 4AM, you have a schedule, are you not listening to me? Also, we have no money.”

Baekhyun blinks, glancing around. “How far are we from the hotel?”

“About two hours away, walking distance,” you say, giving him a guilty smile when his wide eyes turn to you. You raise your phone at him, trying to reassure him as you exclaim, “Its fine! Don’t worry, I’ll just call Seoyeon and ask her to pick us up.”

Baekhyun’s shoulders tense at that. You’re checking your phone as he repeats, “Seoyeon? Your assistant?”

“The short green-haired girl who is always with me,” you nod, giving him a small smile. “She’s more than an assistant, actually—she’s more like family. We met when I came here as an apprentice and she was studying at a business school. We became really close and she just decided that she wanted to help create my empire alongside me. She’s seen me at my worst and helped me reach my best so yeah, definitely more than just an assistant.”

Baekhyun stayed silent as you sent her texts asking if she was asleep before finally asking, “Wouldn’t she be mad if you called her so late?”

“Not really, its fine, we just planned to get brunch tomorrow so maybe we could postpone it and—”

“Not that,” Baekhyun interrupts. “Wouldn’t she be mad that you didn’t listen to her?”

You stop, your finger freezing over the call icon on her contact. You raised your head, staring at him in confusion.

He couldn't possibly...

“I kind of overheard your conversation in your dressing room,” Baekhyun confesses softly, eyes carefully watching your reaction.

Oh god, he did he did he did.

Your eyes are wide with the growing panic and Baekhyun immediately raises his hands in an effort to either reassure you or defend himself, you weren’t sure. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, I wasn't eavesdropping. I came by to talk to you and then I heard her say my name and I just... happened to hear. Yeah.”

You’re quiet, scrambling for a response, wondering how much he heard as he says, “She’s not wrong, you know?”

You raise your eyebrow at his words, pausing before you ask, “What do you mean?”

“Everything she said. You getting hurt. The risks and all of it.” He hesitated before continuing, “After the power room, I was going to apologise and ask you out to dinner anyway. Then, I heard this conversation and I thought against it. I thought it was best to leave. But… but something wouldn’t let me. I wanted to ask you. And I decided that if you refused or came up with a stupid excuse or even just bluntly denied, I would stop. I wouldn’t approach you at all after that, I’d tell Hyungnim I got your help and return to Korea tomorrow on the first flight back without ever crossing paths again. But then at the hotel, you... you hesitated too. You wanted to refuse me, I could see it in your eyes but something stopped you too. So here we are.”

You’re at a loss for words as you stare at him, taken aback what he just said. You don’t know what to make of what he had just revealed but all you can focus on is the incredible sense of relief rushing through you at the realisation that it wasn’t just you who felt this way—the uncertainty, the fear of regretting this, the fear of making a mistake.

The two of you are silent as you stare at each other, the cold Parisian wind blowing hard around you and filling the silence between you.

Your voice is husky as you ask, “What does this mean then? This. Us.”

“I think I just wanted to see where the night would go.”

“So did I.” You hesitate. “What do you think?”

“I think... I think that I want more nights like these. Or mornings. See where those go too. I don't want to go back.” Baekhyun pauses before he smiles. “Also I kind of really do need your help with Privé, I don’t know what I'm doing anymore and Hyungnim said I can't release something completely monochrome.”

You laugh, shaking your head as you press ‘call’ and hold the phone up to your ear, saying, “Screw Hyungnim, if you want monochrome, we’ll do monochrome.”

#bbh-net #exosnet #exo fic #mshm baekfic #baekhyun fanfic #exo baekhyun #byun baekhyun #fluff #romance #smut #angst #idol!au #chapter 4 #mshm 4 #paris #that's it for today #will update masterlist in a bit

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luvknow · 6 years ago

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not so bad | lee minho

genre: lee minho x fem!reader | friends-to-lovers ; roommates ; college au ; swearing ; alcohol consumption

summary: falling for your best friend isn’t the most ideal situation, but it’s not as bad as you think

wc: 13.7k

For most people, living with your best friend sounded like the most ideal situation - the absolute best and only option. Most people couldn’t even begin to think about living with anyone else. Think about it; endless nights staying up watching some shitty Netflix live-action adaptation of an anime, eating Chinese take-out on lazy Sunday evenings, going grocery shopping together? The list of things to do together was infinite! Who else would anyone want to do all the boring domestic stuff with other than their best friend?

But you, on the other hand, would rather be homeless.

“Wo~ow,” Minho scoffed when you rejected his generous offer.

The two of you sat in his newly-furnished, but still a bit empty, living room to take a break from unpacking and arranging all of his junk. About a month before the new semester started, Minho’s rich-ass uncle so graciously offered him one of his several houses just a couple bus stops away from campus. As long as Minho kept the place clean and maybe got a roommate or two to help pay the mortgage, then he was free to stay until he graduated. Of course, you were the first person he asked because the above statements spent with you sounded like so much fun.

Too bad you’re cold and heartless and wanted him to die alone.

“Why don’t you want to move in?” his asked, cheeks filled with lo mein. “Didn’t you just say you hated living at your place?”

“I didn’t say I hate it… I just hate that she brings a different guy over every other day.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. It sounds like normal roommate shit. It’s better than her being a slob, isn’t it?”

“I guess, but when it’s 2:00 am and I can hear EVERYTHING through the walls, I want to jump off the balcony.”

“Not everything.”

“I mean it, Minho. Everything.”

“Damn, invite me over next time.” You chuck a piece of your half-eaten fortune cookie and it hit him right on his bare forehead leaving a tiny scratch mark. “Ow! What was that for!?”

“Stop being weird!”

“If you hate hearing all that gross stuff all of the time, isn’t that all the more reason for you to come live with me?”

“No, because you’ll literally do the same thing!”

“Ok, you have way too much faith in me to think I’m going to bring someone home that often.”

“Hm, I do, don’t I…”

“C’mon, cheap rent, cool aesthetics, good company - what’s actually holding you back? Are you afraid you’ll fall in love with me?”

Minho held a single chopstick between his big bunny teeth and did that weird little smirk and wiggly brow combo that somehow caught the hearts too many girls back in your high school days. To this day, you were one of the lucky few who didn’t fall under his spell. The sriracha sauce stains on his cheek made him look EXTRA sexy.

“Why in the world would living with you mean I’d fall in love with you?” you asked, shoving a napkin to his cheek.

“Don’t girls like that corny domestic lifestyle shit? Coexisting in the same space, mutual seemingly-platonic hugs and cuddles, cooking together, and all that jazz?”

“You’re not even into all that jazzy stuff!”

“I like to cook!”

“And then what, I’m left with the dishes? I’ll be falling head over heels for you in no time.”

“That’s how mutualism works, silly! We each benefit from each other’s skills! Symbiosis, or whatever.”

A giggle left your lips from his expanded vocabulary. Who knew he knew so many words with more than two syllables?

“Those are some complicated words. I take it you like Biology 101?” you asked.

“I do! It’s super cool! Did you know in most species, the male is known to be the more colorful and prettier one and not the females? And the males compete with each other and the females are the ones choosing the prettiest, strongest male?”

“I did not know that.”

“Well, it’s true. It’s called sexual selection - it’s like peacocking.”

“Sounds like some shit you do with all your name brands and stuff.”

“Please, like other guys could even compare to my train of feathers.”

In the end, after days flowed into weeks of begging you to come live with him in what he called his playboy penthouse, he reluctantly accepted your rejection and was off to beg one of his other friends because there was no way in hell could he afford this place alone. Though ideally Minho wanted to be roommates, having you visit often was close enough. It’s just… asking you to move in with him was not about helping him with rent in the least. He truly, genuinely wanted to do dumb domestic chores, bicker all day, and have those deep, late-night talks with you whenever he could. Wouldn’t it be so fun if he annoyed you and followed you around every waking minute of the day?

Doing all of those things to half the extent would be just enough for now. His favorite activities with you were anything involving food. Even grocery shopping, normally one of his least favorite and most stressful chores by himself, was tolerable with you around because you knew just the right cuts of meat and what ingredients were needed for the perfect meal.

“Why did you pick so many vegetables? I’m not a rabbit…” the seemingly twelve year old next to you pouted. Like an angsty teenager, he used the cart as a means of support and followed closely behind with a pout on his lips as you dumped vegetable after vegetable into the cart.

“You kind of look like one, though.”

“Are you callin’ me cute?”

“I’m calling you a nuisance.”

“A cute nuisance, right?”

“Oh, my God, you’re so annoying.”

But soon the semester would start and your day would no longer be spent with him, it’d be spent at the library either studying or tutoring the dumb freshmen. Before you ask, yes, he was jealous of all the other people who took up your time and yes, he’s very clingy. You could see where Soonie, Doongie, and Dori all got their bad habits from. Normally, with any other guy including some long-term boyfriend, you’d be tired and annoyed if they were anything like Minho. But only the real Minho could get away with texting you so often and wondering why you weren’t baking brownies with him at ten at night.

Things weren’t easy on your end, either. You barely had time for yourself and it was only the first round of midterms for the semester! All you ever did these days was wake up, eat, school, eat some more if and ONLY IF you had time, and finally sleep… sometimes. This routine included the weekends, too. You offered for Minho to join you in the library for a study sesh nearly every day, but he’d rather die than sit in germ-infested chairs that are never sanitized, so yeah, you don’t get to see him face-to-face very often anymore. Facetime and Skype would have to do for now.

But then all that lost time started to catch up with you. You’d often come home late, especially if you knew your roommate had someone over to do their thang, and before you could flop on your couch to take a breather, it was completely missing from the living room because your roommate packed up all of her shit and left! Without even telling you! How rude, right!? Until you found a note on the coffee table that said, ‘I moved out today! Sorry if this is such short notice… You haven’t been home the past couple of weeks for me to tell you in person and I didn’t want to break it to you in text…’

Ok, so you wouldn’t say you were totally not at fault for this considering she was considerate enough to want to tell you about moving out in person, but didn’t she think to at least text you like… a couple of days before she did it!? Your lease was supposed to renew tomorrow, but now there wasn’t enough time to find a last-minute roomie on the college forum-version of craigslist and you didn’t make enough money to pay for the rent solo, so now you were almost homeless.

So that’s how you ended up in front of Minho’s place at half-past midnight on the dot with your big stuffed bear in your arms and a cheeky, adoring smile on your guilty-written face. You must have woken him up because his fluffy hair was sticking up in all directions, his eyes were barely open, and… he was shirtless…

“I’m not interested in your Girl Scout Cookies,” he mumbled tiredly.

“I wish I was selling those, then maybe I wouldn’t be here…”

“What do you mean?”

“Guess who wants to be your roommate ~!” you sang cheerfully.

“No.”

“Wha-? Why not!?”

“I already have one.”

“Who!?”

“Changbin,” he said, shooting his thumb to the small lazy boy lounging on the couch. Wasn’t he rich as fuck also? What does he need to live here for?

“‘Sup,” Changbin greeted, unable to look away from the television.

“Don’t you have one more room in this place? I’ll even sleep in a closet if I have to,” you pouted tiredly. You were ready to ring in the water works if you had to because if Minho rejected you one more time, your tears were ready to flow.

“Whoa, you’re that desperate, huh? What happened?”

“Roommate moved out, I couldn’t find another one, cried and contemplated life for a little bit, and now I’m here.”

“Damn, that is pretty bad…”

“Yeah, so as you can see, I really need you right now.”

Minho knew you were never one to rely on people, no matter how close you two were. For as long as he could remember, you always did everything on your own. So for you to say that you needed him, you must have really meant it. Your words were soft and quiet, your gaze set on the porch you stood on, and of all things he hated, seeing you so upset and stressed like this was among his top five on the list. How could he turn you away when this was a time you needed him the most? He knew if he were in your position, you’d welcome him in without hesitation.

You sighed tiredly, pushing your pride aside to ask a friend a favor. “So could you spare another roommate? Just until I can get back on my feet again?”

“Hm…” Minho fake-contemplated, rubbing his scruffy chin. “You know, normally I would never do this, but since you’re my friend, I GUESS I could let you stay here until you’re set.”

“If it’s too much trouble, or if you don’t want me here, I can go -”

“No! You’ll stay here with me for as long as you’d like.” A half-naked but jolly Minho smothered you in a bone-crushing hug. Even though touching so much surface area of his skin made you cringe, his hug made you feel more at home than your apartment could ever make you feel.

“Don’t ever assume I don’t want you here, dumbass. I’ll always welcome you with my open, naked, buff arms.”

“Ugh, this is so gross.” Regardless, you returned his hug with equal force. You never felt safer. “Thank you. I seriously owe you one.”

“Anything for my girl. Where’s all your stuff?”

“Yeah, that sounded more like a tomorrow problem, but I came here tonight because I was lonely.”

“Ha ha, you miss me ~”

“Just a little.”

“Since you’re already here, just stay the night. We can order food and start our big, happy, poly-domestic partnership right now.”

“For the love of God, please do not say that aloud in public…”

“No promises.”

Minho dragged you into the only other bedroom that wasn’t occupied and you’re pretty sure it was just as big as your living room. It was pretty much furnished with all of the basics, so you’re lucky that you won’t have to bring too many heavy things in the morning. As you were admiring the room, a finally fully-clothed Minho chucked his pajamas at you.

“You can wear these for tonight,” he said.

“Ew! Why did you give me your boxers!?”

“I thought my pants would be too long on you?”

“I’m not wearing wearing these.”

“So ungrateful… My sweatpants are in my room in the drawer. Go nuts.”

Minho left you alone to go order food for his two favorite pals while you were left to your own devices in the room where the magic happened, as he called it. For a dude, you knew he was on the cleaner side, but his bedroom was a lot tidier than you expected. There weren’t any clothes on the floor, all of his accessories were placed neatly by the mirror, and the only thing out of place was his blanket that was jumbled up in the corner of his bed. You suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over you for disturbing his beauty sleep, but like you said at the door, you owed him one. Well, maybe more than one… like, a dozen ones…

While looking through the drawers for pants, you rolled your eyes at the site of all the name brands embroidered near the pockets. The logos were strictly swooshes and SUPREME. An opportunity to wear matching sweatpants and hoodie that were worth more than your textbooks didn’t come very often, so you chose the heather gray pair. Just as you slipped your head through the top, Minho came in to check on you.

“I ordered chicken, I hope that’s cool - whoa!” Minho burst into a fit of giggles at the site of his his already-oversized sweats looking extra oversized on you. You’ve worn his hoodies before and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of the way you look in them. You’re just so cute.

“You look like a jumbo toasty marshmallow.”

“I wouldn’t say jumbo… and marshmallows aren’t gray.”

“Same difference. Are you ready yet? Changbin’s gonna drink your beer if you don’t come out sooner.”

“That little -! He’s such a roach!!”

You sprinted out of the bedroom and hopped over the empty side of the couch, scaring the boy dressed in all black who was just trying to eat his chips and watch How to Get Away With Murder in peace. You didn’t know him as well as you knew Minho, but you two hung out within the same circle enough to be comfortable around each other so living with him shouldn’t be TOO terrible. Luckily, your drink looked like it hadn’t been touched.

“So are you like, living here living here?” Changbin asked with fake disgust in his tone.

“Yeah, so get used to it.”

“Just when I thought I’d get Minho all to myself…”

“What are you doing here, anyways? Aren’t you also like, super dumb rich? You could probably buy this whole building.”

“No, my parents are super dumb rich. I, on the other hand, barely have a dime to my name until I graduate law school.”

“Oh yeah, you changed your major right?”

“Yeah, and let’s just say my parents weren’t too happy about that… Thankfully, my favorite hyung here has so graciously let me into his home ~”

“Yeah yeah…” Minho mumbled, squeezing himself in the middle. “Anything’s better than being alone in this place, even if it means housing you two rats.”

“Hey, you said you’d always welcome me here, so that’s your fault for agreeing,” you argued.

“Love you, babe ~” Changbin sang.

Once the chicken arrived, your night of being welcomed to the penthouse had only begun. The rest of the evening was spent talking about literally anything your tipsy and dumb brains could conjure up. From crying about school, to praying to the stars, and telling Changbin stories about yours and Minho’s prepubescent days, you could already predict your days living here would make your heart full.

“I bet you’re single, huh, _____?” Changbin said suddenly after popping open his third beer.

A conversation about each other’s love lives was probably the last thing you wanted to talk about, especially when alcohol was involved, but your mouth started talking before your brain could process.

With a pout on your lips, you retorted, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Because what person would be ok with having their girlfriend living at another dude’s apartment and with me as the other roommate?”

“If you already knew the answer, why bother asking?”

“I just wanted to confirm in case you and I accidentally fall in love.”

“I’ll evict both of you before I let that happen under my roof.” Minho slurred.

“What is with you and Minho and the whole roommates falling in love trope? Is that a common thing? Have you two been watching dramas since you started living together?”

“So what if we have!?” Changbin yelled.

“They’re not realistic, you know.”

“It’s called a drama for a reason.”

“I feel sorry for the next person you end up dating.”

“Yeah, me too.” Changbin took a huge, final chug of his beer before crushing it in his hands. So macho… “All right, I guess it’s time I pass out. See you guys in the morning. Don’t get too crazy while I’m asleep.”

“Nighty night.”

You and Minho were left in the quiet living room snuggled up in your own blankets. You thought the silence was comfortable, as you’ve spent enough time with him that not a word said in between for long periods of time was just fine, but by the look on his face you could tell something was up. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he was just tired, but his eyes never left the random spot on the coffee table for a solid five minutes.

You threw a potato chip at his cheek.

“Hm?” he hummed, surprisingly unphased. His tired eyes turned to look at you questioningly.

“What’s on your mind, my Prince?” The origin of the beloved nickname was from the time you dared him to try out for the high school play as the leading role and to your excitement and his dismay, he was passed the audition. He’d never admit it to your face, but he kind of enjoyed the spotlight and popularity for a while, and he never lets you forget how much he loved that nickname.

You managed to crack a smile from him and your worries began to fade away. “I was just thinking about something.”

“‘Bout what?”

“What Changbin said - what if you end up really liking someone and they’re not ok with you living with two hot and sexy guys?”

“Well, he can either get over it or I’ll dump him.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Why not? Remember that pact we made our first year of high school? The one where we pinky promised each other that no matter what, we wouldn’t let anyone come in between us?”

“Of course I do, but we were like what, fourteen? That was so long ago!”

“So?”

“So what I mean is…”

The ruggedly handsome boy beside you sighed deeply like he was ready to tell you something important. He laid his heavy hands on your shoulder and pulled you close so that you had all of your attention on him and not the fact that there was only two inches between your faces and that he smelled like alcohol. Was his skin always this clear? What the hell was his skincare routine? The blush on your cheeks continued to glow brighter as his eyes bore deep into your own, like he was searching for an answer to a question that only you held the answer to. He must admit that your shy side made you look so cute. Each second that passed was more intimate than the last and you so wished that he’d tell you what the hell was up with him already because your inadvertent breath-holding from the close proximity was making you light-headed. This felt like one of those scenes in those corny dramas that Minho watches - was he about to… dare you say… kiss you…?

Then you figured Minho learned a thing or two in drama class because his serious persona flew out the window when he shook you roughly by the shoulders, but at least you could breathe freely again.

“You shouldn’t have to choose between me and someone you like ~!” he whined childishly. “If he doesn’t like you living here, and you really like him, I don’t want you to be stuck in the middle!”

“Minho, you idiot, you’re the sole reason I’m not homeless and dying on the street, so what the hell do you want me to do IF that ever happens!? Move out!?”

“Ah, I didn’t think about it that way…”

“Lee Minho,” you emphasized to the pouty boy. “If - if - I meet someone I like, and they don’t like that I’m living with two guys, then fine, I can understand that and feelings like that can easily change over time. But if he can’t understand that you’re my best friend, that I cherish our friendship more than anything, and thinks there’s something else going on, then that’s when I’ll dump him. So there’s no need for you to worry that I have to choose between those two, ok?”

Minho sighed once more, breathing out all his worries about you being alone forever and stuck being a hermit in his apartment. “Ok, I believe you.”

“God, you’re so weird! Since when did my love life matter to you?”

“We’re nearing graduation, _____. We’re not getting any younger! And look, we’re both STILL single as a pringle…”

“When you and I are twenty-five and alone, unemployed and rotting away in this very room, then that’s when we’ll cry about it. But for now, we gotta worry about graduating.”

“I know. I just want you to be happy ~” With crocodile tears in his big, curious eyes, he pulled you in for a bone-crushing hug. It reminded you of all the times you told him not to touch you because he was being too sappy or he was sweaty and proceeded to hug you tighter anyways. Those were the best hugs.

“Shut up, I am happy.”

“Good.”

“What about you, hm? What if a girl you like sees that I live here?”

“Easy - I’ll just say you’re the housekeeper.”

“… You’re going to make one dumb girl very happy one day.”

“You think so?” he asked sincerely. “You really think I could make someone happy one day?”

There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to tell Minho how much happiness and sunlight he brought into your life. From the minor inconveniences to the darkest days, Minho was always your only source of light. You were way too tired to even attempt to be cheesy with him and closed your eyes instead, relaxing into his tight hug and hoping sleep would find you sooner rather than later.

“I know so, Lee Know.”

You stayed in Minho’s arms while the hum of the television and rhythm of his heart lulled you to sleep. Your favorite boy was content with where he was - holding you in his arms and stroking your hair until you were asleep and you didn’t have to worry about school, moving out, and whether this was mutually platonic or anything but. He thinks that there’s no way that ordinary best friends could lay like this and not cause any sort of tension in between. Then again, you two were extraordinary at best, so maybe the standard rules didn’t apply. To an unknowing passerby, this scene might look like two people in love who couldn’t get enough of each other. If Changbin came to see this, he’d probably think the same thing.

In the end, Minho wouldn’t care what anyone thought if they saw. It didn’t matter because this just felt so… right.

He’ll question his tugging heartstrings some other time.

Minho ended up carrying your sleeping form to your room. After tucking you in and resisting the urge to crawl onto the open space beside you, he thinks to himself that he could get used to this.

There was no way you could get used to this.

For such a huge place, only one of the two bathrooms had a shower. Which seemed fine, right? Considering there were only three of you living there. But you totally forgot that you lived with two of the most high-maintenance men you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Minho wasn’t as bad as Changbin because he didn’t spend an hour moisturizing his entire body and fixing his hair - he only took half an hour. But you know that weird thing guys do when they take a dump they take an extra half hour just to play phone games or scroll through social media? So think about it, two boys who are mildly-to-severely high maintenance took a total of almost three hours using the damn bathroom.

That wasn’t even the worst of it! Other than the night you told Minho you were moving in, you guys haven’t had any fast food since. The two of them were watching their weight and muscle progress together so their diet strictly cut out carbs and the good stuff which meant the fridge was filled with veggies and brown grains you couldn’t even pronounce.

And even then, that wasn’t the worst. The absolute worst was when Minho would text you or call you at nine on the dot every single night that you weren’t home at that time. First, he’d call, and half of the time you would answer, but when you didn’t, he’d spam your messages until you replied with a pin drop of your location.

Tonight was the last straw.

“Stop calling,” you scolded while walking home from the library.

“So Changbin and I are in the mood for pizza and we figured you wanted some. You must be tired of all the quinoa,” he explained, ignoring your scolding. “Where are you?”

What’s the best way to spook Minho but not to the point where he’d call the police and demand an amber alert?

“I can’t right now. I’m with a guy.”

There’s a slight pause on the other end and something that sounded like he dropped something on the floor. You can hear Changbin’s faint ‘bro, what the hell!’ in the background and Minho heard you stifle a giggle.

“What? A guy? Who?”

“No one you know. I’ll see you when I get home ~!”

“Wait -”

You hung up before Minho could get another word in and you instantly regretted it. Once Minho found out you were kidding, he was probably going to relieve you of your pizza privileges and force you to eat more quinoa as punishment. You would hate it initially, but if there was even a slight chance that this made your message to him to stop worrying and calling you all the time crystal clear, then you’d eat bowls upon bowls of it and get all the grains stuck between your teeth because that’s how worth it it’d be.

What the hell had gotten into him, anyways? He was never like this in high school. If anything, HE was the boy you’d sneak out with, doing dumb hooligan things with, and being too close for comfort with - he was the boy he was trying to protect you from. Not even your parents were this protective, but you had to give him credit for being so diligent.

You weren’t too far from home, so you left Minho’s texts all on read until you stepped through the door. Changbin wasn’t surprised in the least that you were joking, and Minho knew you couldn’t have possibly be truthful about that, either, but he stepped out the door and scanned the hallways just to make sure you weren’t actually with some creep. You took this moment to sneak a slice or three before Minho could hoard the whole pie.

“I can’t believe you fell for that,” you teased, cheeks filled with cheese.

“I can’t believe you would joke about that.”

“I can,” Changbin muttered.

“What made you guys buy pizza?”

“A man can only eat salads and white chicken for so long. We deserve this.”

“We all deserve this. I wasn’t even on a diet in the first place, I was forced into it.”

“Yeah, but you look great at least, so you’re welcome.”

“Whatever.”

Sure, there were a lot of inconveniences when it came to living with two dudes who annoyingly functioned the same, but you would take on this form of entertainment over television any day. So yeah, Minho was annoying like ninety percent of the time… but he was just being a good friend and worrying about you.

It was nice to be cared for once in a while. Minho was the only one who would go out of his way just for you. Whether it was picking you up in the middle of the night from some party to walk you home or scolding you harshly about how you should wear scarves more so you wouldn’t get sick while making you a hot bowl of soup made with love, he never made you feel like you were an inconvenience. This curfew thing was a little over the top, though.

Changbin went to his room after whining about being a law student and how hard it was that he had to wear a suit everyday to his internship, leaving you and Minho alone at the kitchen table. The kitchen was were you spent most of your time together, whether it was using the table to eat, play dumb board games, or as one big desk to study on. Tons of late-night studying, gossiping, and snacking were spent at this table with Minho sitting across from you every time.

“It’s been about a month since you moved in, right?” he asked, plucking a pepperoni off of your slice. “How do you like it so far?”

There’s a short silence in the air before you answered. It was a little worrying, so he kicked you under the table to make you answer faster. How dare you not immediately answer with anything other than ‘I fucking love it’? “Besides only having five minutes to shower every morning, forced to go vegetarian, and having a 9:00 PM curfew? It’s better than being homeless, that’s for sure.”

“Good.” Another short pause, followed by Minho shyly avoiding eye contact. “It’s a lot of fun having you around.”

“Really? I don’t scare any poor souls you try to bring home?”

“To be honest, I haven’t been trying.”

“Whoa, Minho the slut taking a hiatus!?” you teased, earning you a crumpled napkin to the face.

“Shut up.”

“Why the sudden disinterest?”

His shoulders did a tiny shrug as if letting you know that even he was unsure of why. He hoped you’d help him find the answer. “No one catches my eye these days, I guess.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“It’s true!”

“Yeah, ok…”

“Well, what about you, huh? Has your boy-crazy self found someone interesting?”

You take a big, defeated bite into the leftover crust, allowing you to exploit your anger through vigorous chewing. Your efforts have obviously gone to a waste. “You and Changbin always like to remind me that I’m single.”

“I simply asked if you found anyone hot.”

“You know what’s sad? I haven’t…”

“Ah, I see - Changbin and I made your standards too high now, huh?”

“Both of you are probably stashing the hot guys in the gym somewhere because you know I won’t find them.”

“Damn, you caught us.”

“You know what else is sad, though?” Minho had to suffer and watch you sip your cola with your sad, pouty lips. It wasn’t that he felt bad, or anything, you just looked so… self-pitying. He’s seen this look way too often during your first year of college when some other chick would swoop in a steal the guy you had your eyes on. “Even if I did like someone, I don’t think I would act on it.”

“Why the hell would you cockblock yourself like that?”

“I’ve never been on a legitimate date before!”

“You’re such a damsel. You’ve totally been on a date before.”

“Senior prom with Hyunjin doesn’t count.”

“You guys had dinner and some dancing, doesn’t that count?”

You ignored your idiot friend’s justification and would much rather feel sorry for yourself than to consider prom as a legitimate date. You’re what, nearly into your twenties now and have gone this long without a guy properly asking you out on a date, maybe a movie and eating dinner at a nice restaurant with a small bouquet of flowers next to you, and ending the night with a kiss? The thought of your inadvertent abstinence made you want to chug a bottle of something strong.

“Do we still have that bottle of wine lying around?” you muttered, searching every corner of the kitchen. “Aha! Found it.”

“Mm, pizza and old wine. How are you single again? You’re so classy.”

“Do you want a glass or not?”

“… Hand it over.”

So another night was spent drinking and drowning your sorrows away while Minho watched - what else was new? Before, he didn’t think much of these nights, considering they were spent with Changbin also who drank just as much as you did, but Minho hadn’t even finished his first glass yet when you were already pouring your third. You must have been really going through it.

“Ok, I think that’s enough,” Minho scolded, taking the glass away. Clumsily and lazily, you reached out to take it back, but your state of mind was too loopy for you to fight back further. God, your tolerance had gone down significantly as time passed. Was this indication that you were getting old?

“Is this how you’re going to act on your first date at dinner while having several glasses of wine?” the mean boy across teased. “Good luck with that.”

“That’s ok, I’m never going on a first date, anyways.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because who would want to date me?”

“Hey.”

Your eyes are droopy and you feel like you could pass out from the drowsiness of the wine at any second, but Minho’s hand on top of yours snaps you awake. There were plenty of ways you and Minho shared skinship, like hugging, wrestling, high-fiving, and punching each other, but hand-holding was not one of them. It was… weird. You know when cats sometimes put their tiny paws on top of human hands? This was what it reminded you of and you had to hold in your laughter.

“Don’t say that stuff about yourself, only I can do that.”

“Well, there has to be a reason why I haven’t been on a date yet. It’s because I’m unlovable, right? Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do if I was on a real date. Like what do we talk about? The weather? That’s what adults talk about, right?”

“Yeah, if you work a nine-to-five at an accounting firm. You really are kind of hopeless, aren’t you? That’s ok, you and I can practice.”

“Practice?”

“Yeah, practice on me. Pretend you and I are on a date.” Minho left his seat across from you to steal Changbin’s seat that was to your right. The proximity of your bodies was so close that your knees knocked together, but your tipsy best friend was too distracted by your challenge to care. “A~and boom, we’re on a date.”

“Right now?”

“Right now. Look, we got our glasses of wine on hand, some dinner, we could even watch a movie if you want. But first thing’s first, we gotta test out your communication skills. What kind of things would you ask or talk about on your date?”

“I guess… What do you major in -?”

“Pause, red flag number one: never talk about school. Next question.”

“U-Uh, what kind of music do you like…?”

“Better. Let’s pretend that I’m some snobby older rich dude and I say, ‘oh, today’s music doesn’t interest me. I prefer classical music such as Bach and Beethoven, you know?’”

“I would never go on a date with someone so pompous and old.”

“Ok, but let’s say you’re dating this guy for money.”

“Minho!”

“At the rate this fake date is going, this is what your future dates are going to look like, _____! I’m just helping you prepare!”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but… you’re so right. I’m gonna end up as a sugar baby and I’ll be too hyped up about the influx in my bank account that I’ll drop out of college and make this my career!”

“Whoa, I didn’t say that -”

“I can’t believe this is what all my hours in the library have amounted to! Screw good grades, if I can’t find love, then what’s the point! This is it - this is how my life is really going to be like -!”

What Minho said goes in one ear and out the other as both of your hands are tangled in the mess of your hair and your blood pressure is suddenly through the roof. You were making a huge deal out of this fake date but you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t make a huge deal out of nothing! If this was how you were on a fake date, Minho doesn’t want to know how you’d be on a real date.

The first thing you hear is his boyish laugh as he removed your hands from your head before you could tear out your hair. You look like you have a bird nest on both sides of your pouty face and even though Minho thought you were being ridiculous, you still looked cute regardless. His tiny but warm hands smoothen your messy strands before holding your face. It’s hard to look him in the eyes after your mini breakdown and he didn’t make it easier by the way his thumbs caressed your cheeks. Was he doing this on purpose because he liked to see you squirm? You didn’t think so when you finally looked up.

Minho didn’t have his signature sly smile where the corners of his lips curled like a cheshire cat. There was no teasing twinkle in his eyes that normally accompanied it, either. Both were softer, like he couldn’t understand why someone as charming, intelligent, and hilarious as you could constantly worry about finding someone who would love you back. How could someone not, when you had the stars in your eyes after spotting a dog across the street, when you could sing an entire concert setlist in the shower, or when you had the cute sad look on your face after you burned your third pancake? Even now, in your tipsy and sad state, your eyes still sparkled and begged to be loved - exactly like all the cute puppies you spotted on your walks with Minho. The thought of someone NOT falling head over heels for you sounded completely ridiculous.

Before his heart could drop to the pit of his stomach, Minho broke the intimacy by squishing your cheeks so hard that your lips puckered like a fish.

“Stop being so sad,” he said sternly.

“Just like that, the sadness is gone,” you sputtered sarcastically, careful not to spit in Minho’s eye.

“I mean it. You’ll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them. No, you’ll find someone who loves you more.”

“How do you know…?”

“Because I’m Lee Know, remember?”

His cocky smirk returned and the corners of his lips curled adoringly. It was a smile you were more accustomed to and you’d never admit it aloud, but you liked this one much better. Soft Minho was kind of gross.

“You’re intelligent, selfless, sometimes funny, and life would be so exciting to be in love with you. I promise you’ll find someone.”

“… Tell me I’m pretty.”

“Wow, I put so much heart into my speech and that’s all you got out of it!? That I didn’t call you pretty!?”

“All of that doesn’t matter if I’m not cute.”

Minho squeezed your cheeks a bit harder. “Nevermind, you’re hopeless.”

“Ow ok, I’m kidding! Can you let go of my face now!? You know I bruise easily!”

He released his hold on your face and you tried to circulate the blood that pooled up. Minho usually wasn’t good with these types of talks, but something must have changed after high school. What kind of classes was he taking that he was being so poetic to the point that your heart felt like it was fluttering? Must be the bit of wine left in your bloodstream.

Even so, you were thankful. What would you do without your handsome Prince?

“I guess I’ll try to sleep the hopelessness away,” you sighed. Before heading off to your room, you wrapped your arms tightly around your best friend’s neck from behind and pressed your rosy cheek to his own. Normally, he’d let out a grossed-out groan, but tonight he returned the gesture with his hands on top of yours. “I love you, you know that, right?”

His chest ached. “Mhm. Love you, too, pretty girl. Sweet dreams.”

“You too, my Prince. Don’t stay up too late.”

The sound of your door closing triggered an empty silence in the entire apartment. Not a single sound is heard other than Minho’s beating heart that felt like it was blasting in his ears. Now he’s alone sitting at the dining table, downing the last of his wine and all he could think about was your lack of presence and how it lingered casually all around him. He could still feel your cheeks in his hands, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and the way the warmth of your cheek heated up his own. That wasn’t enough - he wanted more of you, but that was for a later time even he couldn’t predict. After cleaning up the table and trying to leave those moments in the dining room, they ended up following him to his bed until he was too tired to stay awake thinking about them.

That night, you ended up dreaming about Prince Minho and what it was like to be by his side forever.

It didn’t seem so bad.

There’s this crazy phenomenon that happened to you too many times to count, but this time had to take the cake. There were times when you’d have dreams about not necessarily random people, but people you didn’t normally associate yourself with. Like an old coworker, or a past partner for that one single assignment, or even that one time the guy next to you asked you to borrow a pencil for an exam. They would appear in your dreams at random with no purpose other than to play as your boyfriend, but the morning you wake up, you had this sudden weird… attraction towards them.

Maybe attraction wasn’t exactly the right word, but the moment they stepped into the room, you could feel your face heat up and your palms sweat and it really made you question your type in men because why was your body reacting so sensitively to seeing someone who literally just asked you for a pencil? Maybe this was why you’ve been single for so long…

Now let it be reminded that you’re having these weird, little crushes on guys you practically considered strangers. But now, for the first time in your entire life - in all your years knowing that stupid, handsome idiot, you had your very first dream about Minho. If you acted like a fool in front of strangers, how did you act around your best friend? Let’s just say you didn’t know how to act… or rather, you did what you do best - make things like ten times more awkward than they should be.

What did you do when Minho woke up in the morning with his stupidly cute bedhead and flopped on the couch next to you muttering a soft and gentle ‘good morning ~’? You got up and ran to your room after returning the greeting with a squeaky voice. What did you do when he would wrap his arm around your shoulder in that sly, boyish way that literally meant nothing? You’d run to the bathroom, whether you were at home or out in public.

And what did you do when he would walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist? You literally ran. You went to your room, put on your workout gear, and you ran - ran as far as your legs could take you with your ears blasting music to drown out any thoughts about your best FRIEND.

With his heart sinking, Minho didn’t know what to do.

“Hey, have you seen _____ these past few days?” he asked Changbin sometime around dinner. He knew your schedule like the back of his hand and he made sure he gave himself enough time to ask Changbin for his opinion before you came home.

“Yeah…? I see her like everyday. She lives here, too, you know.”

“I know, but she seems a little distant lately, right?”

“Mm, not with me,” the buff boy shrugged casually. His once unquestioning expression quickly turned into something sly when he realized what kind of situation Minho was in. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s not what it looks like to me.”

“The last thing we did together for more than five minutes was eat pizza and drink wine and that was last week.”

“Did anything happen after drinking wine? We all know how you get when you drink…”

“Mm… she was moping about how she’s never going to go on a date, or something, and then I told her she doesn’t have to worry.”

“Why doesn’t she have to worry?”

It was then that Minho figured maybe this was the reason why you were avoiding him. Shyly, the older boy avoided the teasing gaze from his close friend. “N-No reason.”

“Is it because you told her how wonderful she is? Or how funny, and smart, and how all men were idiots for not falling head over heels for her ~?”

“Shut up.”

“I bet you called her pretty, too.”

“Ok, she made me say that!”

“God, no wonder she’s avoiding you! You probably made her fall head over heels for you, or something!”

“… You really think so?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound too hopeful at the idea.

Thankfully, Changbin didn’t seem to catch it. “If I heard that kind of corny stuff coming from you, I’d react the same way, to be honest.”

The sound of the door unlocking made both boys jump and quickly drop the subject, but not without Changbin shooting Minho a ‘we’ll discuss this later’ glance that reminded him of his dad whenever he got in trouble. For the first time that week, you didn’t sprint to your room right away. Rather, with a cheeky grin on your lips, you joined the two boys who eyed you suspiciously at the dining table.

“What?” you asked innocently.

“Nice to finally see you for more than five minutes,” Minho pouted childishly.

“Aw, you miss me ~?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Why are you so smiley, missy?” the smaller, more suspicious boy squinted.

“I can’t be happy on this fine Thursday?”

“No.”

“Fine, you downer. I’m super stoked because guess who has a date tomorrow ~?”

A short silence fell at the table. The first ten seconds of silence was so the two idiots could process what you just said. The following ten seconds was just a series of different ugly facial expressions from thinking about the question too hard.

“Did Seungmin finally ask that one person out? He’s been talking about it for months, he won’t shut up,” Changbin asked.

“No, not him…”

“Woojin? He’s not really the dating type, though.”

“No, idiot, me! I have a date tomorrow!”

“With who?” Minho finally asked. Of course he knew you were the one with the date, but he didn’t want to believe it until you said it. The rest of the conversation didn’t matter after you told him who it was.

“This guy named Wooyoung in one of my classes. We worked on a project together sometime last year and I just found him in lecture the other day. Small campus, huh? We caught up this past week and he asked me out just now after walking me home. Ah, I can’t believe it!”

Your smile was bright and so big that Minho could hardly see your eyes. He couldn’t recall a time when you were this excited for something since you and him both got accepted to this school. He was happy to see you like this, despite the circumstances. With your eyes all sparkly and cheeks blushed pink, the bit of aching was worth it.

“Oh, I know Wooyoung!” Changbin had a goofy smile when he saw how disappointed you looked. “His dad and my dad are close friends and we got close by coincidence.”

“Aw man, you know him!? I wanted to date someone not within this weird circle of friends!”

“He’s not! He’s like a little bubble outside of the circle.”

“Whatever… he’s nice and rich, at least.”

“Now I know where your priorities lie. Minho, what do you think?”

“Hm?” You raised a curious brow at your spacey friend. Minho had been in his own little world after blocking out the details of how you ended up with a date tomorrow night. He put on a fake smile so you wouldn’t have to worry. “I don’t know Wooyoung, but I’m happy for you.”

“I’m kind of scared… what if I blow it like our fake date?”

“Good thing it was fake, right?” The handsome boy across from you ruffled your hair into a bird’s nest style - much like how it was last week. You were a mess, but you were his pretty little mess. “Don’t sweat it. You’ll do just fine.”

“Yeah, Wooyoung may be rich, but his standards aren’t that high - ow! What the hell, dude!” he whined, rubbing his bruising shin.

“You two are so mediocre when it comes to these pep talks… but thank you. I’m so excited that my cheeks hurt because I can’t stop smiling!”

Minho watched you hide your heated face in your hands. He hoped you’d smile like this for a long time, even if he wasn’t the reason behind it.

If the boys were allowed a collective three hours in the bathroom nearly every damn morning, you were allowed three hours to yourself once this evening. You practically put on a spa for yourself in preparation for this. Every centimeter of your body was exfoliated and moisturized, every strand of hair fixed in its place, and every eyelash was coated with mascara. Not to mention that your outfit didn’t have a single wrinkle to be seen.

“Not gonna lie, you look pretty decent,” Changbin admitted while leaning on the doorframe. “Expecting some dessert tonight, if you know what I mean?”

“You think I’ll let it go that far on my very first date? Who do you think I am!”

“A touch-starved damsel.”

“… Shut up.” At 7:00 pm on the dot, you received a text from Wooyoung that he’s here. “Ah, gotta go!”

Like you would on a Monday morning already late for class, you shoved all of your essentials in a bag and scurried for the door, but not before Minho came out of his room and caught you. After putting on your nice shoes, you finally looked up to stare back at your wide-eyed, jaw-dropped friend. The only other time he ever looked at you like that was prom night, and even though you were glammed up times ten that night, his face tonight was more intense. The sudden waves of confusion and erratic heartbeat skips reminded you of why you accepted to go on the date so quickly in the first place: to get rid of these weird feelings for your best friend that you couldn’t understand.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you whined. “Too much? Or too little?”

Perfect. “No, no. You look fine.”

“Really?”

“I promise. You got everything you need?”

“Uh, wallet, keys, phone…”

“Condom?”

“Minho!!”

“Just kidding! Be sure to practice abstinence because I’m not letting some guy come into our apartment just so you can do THAT.”

“Don’t worry, he has his own place.” He knew you were joking… kind of… you were joking, right…? “I’m kidding.”

“You better be… Don’t forget, curfew’s at 9:00 pm.”

“Ok, I’ll see you at 2:00 am ~!”

You did a final wave goodbye before heading out the door to forget all about Minho while he was stuck being a boring homebody. He heard his other, more irritating roommate tisk annoyingly from across the room.

“Shoulda said something ~” Changbin sang.

“What is there to say?”

“Baby, don’t leave! Why go out with a boy when you can go out with a MAN like me?”

“Oh, my God, I don’t really sound like that, do I?”

“Only sometimes.”

So while you were off on your date, smiling at him like no one else in the world could matter more, Minho would glue his ass to the couch and wait for you to come home.

Your first date was both exactly and the complete opposite of how you expected it to be - quite awkward, but it gradually melted into something you would best describe as comfortable. It didn’t feel very date-like. It felt more like you were eating dinner with a very handsome friend. You could easily see why all of your friends were jealous that you were on this date. Wooyoung was so easy to talk to and just his stare alone, he could get anyone to fall in love with him just like that.

A moment like this, when he’s laughing at your corny joke or fixing a loose strand of hair, was when you truly wished cupid would shoot a thousand arrows into your heart at one time with Wooyoung’s name on the heart-shaped head. That itself would solve about 75 percent of your problems. But it was too late, for your heart already had a hundred thousand arrows lodged in with no way of taking them out, and every single one had Minho’s stupid name on them.

Your date ended earlier than expected which was a little after midnight when his friend San called him in some party-related emergency. Of course you understood, as you’ve experienced being that friend one too many times, and he bid you a farewell with a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s do this again sometime,” he suggested.

“I’d love that!” Though it probably wasn’t going to happen.

During the walk home, you took the time to reflect on everything that went wrong tonight. Fifteen minutes in, and you couldn’t figure out why your heart didn’t beat for Wooyoung. Passers-by gave you a strange look as you passed because of how your face twisted in confusion, but they went unnoticed because now you actually had to deal with your feelings for Minho straight on.

When did this all start exactly? Like when did the first arrow lodge itself in your right ventricle? Was it in middle school when he stopped those bullies? Was it during your last year in high school when he hugged you so tight, crying tears of joy when the team won the championship basketball game? Maybe it was during your first college party when he held your hair up while you puked into the toilet, but you knew there was no way this all happened because of one silly dream… Maybe your feelings were there all along.

The saying goes when it rains, it pours, right? Tonight, that phrase is both hypothetical and literal.

In a matter of seconds, the skies cried heavily with no thunder or lightning to be heard or seen. On this warm night alone, you were getting soaked to the bone with little-to-no-coverage. You didn’t pack an umbrella and for some reason, even the store awnings couldn’t give you shelter very well, so your only option was to take off your pretty much-ruined nice shoes and sprint home barefoot and that’s exactly what you did.

Minho liked the rain. It was calming, but only added to the lonely ambiance on this fine Friday evening. From inside, he watched the city glow different colors as the light reflected off of the rain droplets and this was when he thought the city looked the most beautiful. He could fall asleep at any moment just to the sound of the rain.

Minho’s apartment is so high up that it’s difficult to see the details in in peoples’ faces and clothes as they walked the streets, but it was easy to spot the little speck running towards his building a couple of blocks away. No one else for blocks on end could be seen other than the tiny speck running. He didn’t have to see your face to know that it was you running home because you didn’t have an umbrella. Not that he’s not happy to see you home, but why were you here so early? And alone, for that matter? Did that Wooyoung guy ditch you?

“Idiot,” Minho mumbled grumpily before grabbing his umbrella and making his way to you.

By the time he reached the lobby, he thought he’d see you inside by now, but that wasn’t the case and he was starting to get a little worried. He didn’t waste time running out the building and immediately he spotted you taking a breather under the big coffee shop awning. You’re completely soaked as if you took a dip in the ocean, strands of hair clinging to your rosy cheeks, and your shoes in your hand…? You’re barefoot, feet all cut up and a little bruised. Without looking at your face, a stranger could say that you were having a bad night, but even Minho knew that wasn’t exactly the case. You didn’t look disappointed or anything near that.

You must have enjoyed the date.

A huge shadow blocked the streetlight from your body and a pair of Minho’s beat up dance shoes are in your eyesight. Tiredly, but happily, you look up to a stern-faced crush who held an umbrella over his head.

“‘Sup,” you greeted casually.

“Let’s go, you’re gonna get sick,” he muttered.

Neither of you said a word until you reached your shared home, and Minho didn’t bother to give you a second glance until then, too. After carelessly tossing his umbrella near the pile of shoes, he found his spot on the couch again.

“You should shower.”

“Right…”

Still, he didn’t give you the time of day, and it hurts. From your cut-up feet to your pounding headache, everything just hurts, and your entire body was ready to crawl under your sheets and call it a night. But you obeyed, taking a long, hot shower to wash away all the wrongs that happened tonight.

When you were done, Minho had a first-aid kit ready in his hands. He didn’t seem as angry as earlier - now he just looked worried.

“Sit,” he commanded nicely.

Of course you obeyed like a misbehaved puppy walking to its cage. Nervously, you sat on the couch while Minho sat on the floor. Before you could ask what he was doing, he had already grabbed one foot to inspect for major cuts.

“You don’t need to do that - ah, hey!” The concerned boy wasn’t listening when he dabbed a cotton swab soaked in disinfectant over a single super small cut on your foot… that was bleeding… a lot. “That stings, bro!”

“Good, that means it’s working. Now sit still.” He put a tiny bandaid over the clean cut and when he thought he was all finished, he held both of your ankles in his hand. “Why is one bigger than the other? Is it swollen?”

“I may have tripped once… or twice…”

An aggravated sigh left Minho’s pink lips before he grabs the bandage to wrap around your swollen ankle. After neatly wrapping around once, the rest of the wrapping was done by yanking the bandage until you felt the blood flow cut off at that point.

“Ow ow!! Chill, Minho, you’re hurting more than helping!”

After realizing what he’d been doing, Minho halted, muttering a soft ‘sorry’ before re-wrapping your ankle with more love and care.

“Why were you alone tonight?” he asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why wasn’t your date walking you home like he should? Doesn’t he know it’s common courtesy to do so?”

“Ah, well he had an emergency to attend to.”

“Still… He just left you to run home in the rain, and look what happened. Also, why the hell were your shoes off!?”

“I didn’t want to ruin them…”

The inside of his cheek was starting to numb from all the inherent chewing. At this point, Minho was tired, and you probably were, too. What was the point in arguing?

“Don’t date that guy,” he demanded.

“Why not?”

“You shouldn’t be dating someone who leaves you in the middle of a date. Was it even a real emergency?”

“It was at the end of a date. But no, not a REAL real emergency…”

“Still, he left you, and look how you ended up.” Another sigh left his lips. “I don’t like him, _____.”

“I know.” When Minho finally looked up, he saw that you were smiling at him. You’re not angry or upset by the way he was acting, and he’s really surprised. What was going through your mind? “You don’t have to worry. I don’t think there’s going to be another date.”

Good. “How come?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t have that ‘I can’t wait to see you again’ type of feeling like I thought I would. I guess I wasn’t that into him.”

The shy boy below you cleared his throat hoping you wouldn’t see how relieved he was. “Oh, that’s good.”

“What happened to you wanting me to be happy with some guy?” you teased, lightly kicking his arm.

“I still do. Just not with him.”

“Mm. Maybe the next one will work out better.”

“Yeah… the next one.”

Minho finished wrapping up your ankle and went to stash the first aid kit in his room. You happily followed your confidant slash magical healer and he wasn’t complaining. In fact, he hid his growing smile so you wouldn’t see.

“I had a weird dream last night,” you said after flopping on his king-sized mattress.

“Tell me about it.”

“You were in it as a Prince.”

“Hm, doesn’t sound so weird to me.”

“I was right beside you the whole time.”

“Ooh, tell me more.” Minho hopped on right beside you and the two of you laid side-by-side as you told your fairytale. “Were you my Princess? My sidepiece mistress? The cook’s daughter I fell in love with? Oh, or were we betrothed to unite two kingdoms together?”

“Dude, I don’t know…”

“God is in the details, baby. What else happened?”

“That’s all I could remember. You were a Prince who smiled everyday and I was right there the whole time.”

“I probably smiled all the time ‘cuz you were next to me.”

To play it off as playful, the boy only a couple centimeters beside you nudged you several times. It was hard for him to keep up the facade when you said,

“I was probably next to you the whole time because of your smile.”

Now what was he to do? Subconsciously, Minho turned on his side to face you. With your cheeks and the tip of your nose a baby pink, you refused to look at him. Maybe you were getting sick.

“What, you like my smile, or something?”

“Have I ever told you it makes me feel safe?”

“Safe? Why?”

“It lets me know I have nothing to worry about - that I’m going to be just fine.”

The ceiling must have been very interesting. You have yet to look at him and though he wanted you to, he hopes you don’t, otherwise the magnetic pull between your lips might be too strong for him to resist. He wondered what you tasted like.

“I’m glad I make you feel that way.”

The world felt at peace again when he returned to his position on his back. As if the roof did not exist above, the two of you laid on his bed and pretended to count the stars. Minho’s hand blindly found its way to yours and the tiny bumps and touches of his fingertips made goosebumps travel up your arms. The handsome, confusing boy traced tiny stars in the back of your hand.

“Did you like your dream?” he finally asked.

“You mean did I like being stuck with you for eternity?”

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His shy giggle filled the empty spaces of his room, and yours soon followed.

“Neither would I.”

An eternity together wouldn’t be so bad.

The spot beside you on Minho’s bed felt empty. You must have knocked out the night before, too tired to crawl back to your cave of a room, and ended up sleeping next to him the whole night. Either last night’s date was exhausting or you didn’t want to leave Minho or his bed because you slept in so late that he had already got up for the day.

Changbin was eating cereal in front of the television when you finally left the room.

“Whoa, what the hell,” he smirked, not knowing that’s where you slept last night. “Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

“No, idiot. We were talking and we fell asleep. Where is he, anyways?”

“Either at the gym or running errands or both.”

“Ah, ok…” If you knew Minho like you thought you did, then maybe he’s at the gym, but running errands? The hell kind of errands did he have? You were the one who ran all the house-related errands.

“You goin’ out tonight?”

“Can’t. Huge paper I have to work on.”

“C'mon, it’s Jeongin’s birthday! And Minho’s going ~”

Your cheeks burned from his teasing. “So? I’ll literally fail if I don’t get a good grade on this assignment.”

“Fine, you bookworm…”

So that’s what you did - you became a homebody for the day and hermitted in your room to work on that cursed paper. It was hard to focus when all you could think about was going out tonight with Minho. If you went, would you stick by his side the whole time? Would he drag you to the dance floor and hold you close? Would the alcohol take over and close the gap between your lips?

Let’s pretend the answer was yes to all of the above.

You didn’t see him for the entire day. Not for lunch, or dinner, or when he finally came home and hopped in the shower, or when he got ready in ten minutes, or even when he and Changbin left for the party. No texts or calls, either.

He was avoiding you at all costs.

Ugh, dammit, _____! Why did you sleep in his bed last night!? Ok, to be completely fair, he was sending you mixed signals that everything was fine, you know? He smiled after you told him how it made you feel safe, those little touches and whispers, literally agreeing to how life beside each other 'til you both grew old and wrinkly would be ideal… Why would you want to leave his side on the bed after all of that?

Boys were confusing, you knew that. Maybe you just misread the signs.

Minho felt like his heart was collapsing. Waking up beside you made this morning the best he’s ever had. You were so sleepy and so cute… All he wanted to do was press little kisses all on your forehead.

But no, he couldn’t do that. You just happened to fall asleep here with no real purpose. It’s not like he was going to wake you up and tell you to move? But did that make him selfish for wanting you to stay when you didn’t intend to? Maybe, so that’s why he had to slip out of the apartment before you woke up.

In the morning, he ran for a couple of hours. Then he went to lift weights. Then he ate and wasted time around town until it was time to get ready for Jeongin’s birthday. Nothing he did made it easier for him to forget about you and the night before. He’ll just use this opportunity of free booze to help him with that.

After successfully slipping in to get ready and out for a night of festivities, he thought that avoiding you for the whole day only made him miss you more.

“You’re not gonna do anything stupid tonight, are you?” Changbin asked.

“No promises.”

Well, no promises was right, because as soon as the two stepped into Chan’s place, Minho weaved his way through the crowd of strangers and went straight for the alcohol table. There, Chan was serving the jungle juice.

“Hey, you made it!” he greeted them, but his grin dropped when he saw the distressed look on Minho’s face. “Yikes, rough night?”

“You have no idea,” Changbin answered for him while he chugged the sweet drink.

He held the solo cup out to his concerned friend. “More.”

“Uh-oh…” Chan didn’t disobey.

For a while, Minho was fine on his own while Changbin was off doing God knows what to some poor soul. He socialized here and there, greeted the totally incoherent birthday boy, and even flirted his way around for the sake of distraction. When something new didn’t seem to work, he’d down another shot, and by the time it was 2:00 am, Minho could barely stand on his own.

“Oh, son of a - are you kidding me!?” Changbin groaned after seeing his poor roommate passed out on Chan’s couch.

“Should I call an Uber…?” Jisung asked.

“Nah, I have a cheaper solution.”

At 2:03 am, while you were munching on some chips and crying to some Miyazaki movie, Changbin’s name lit up your phone.

“Yo.”

“How much do you love your roommates?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Four and a half.”

“Can you cash in that four and a half and pick us up from Chan’s place ~?” the whiny boy begged. “Minho is being insufferable! He keeps drinking everything in site!”

That did not sound good… Minho got very, uh, unbearable when he wasn’t himself. You felt your headache come back and your blood pressure fly through the roof.

“But I don’t have a car.”

“The keys to the Audi are hanging by the door.”

“What the - he has a car!?”

“No, his uncle has a car. Just don’t tell him we’re using it. Hurry, before he gets outta hand - NO, DON’T LET HIM DRINK THAT -!!”

The line cut out and the dial tone rang in your ears for a solid five seconds before you could process what Changbin was asking of you. So you were supposed to grab the keys to an expensive Audi, drive to Chan’s house, pick up your incompetent roommates, and somehow end up back home alive? Well, all right…

The key to the car wasn’t actually a key… It was just a remote. The car was hidden in the corner of the underground garage and if you weren’t being careful, someone could honestly kidnap you at any moment and no trace of the kidnapping would be seen. The Audi was very beautiful, all white and shiny like it was brand new. The interior was pitch black with red stitching, tons of fancy buttons normal cars didn’t really have, and a button for the ignition. You prayed to whatever Lord was listening that it was Automatic because you had zero idea how to handle Manual.

The drive wasn’t that far, but it was far for a walk, so no wonder Changbin called you for assistance. After texting him that his personal, beautiful Uber driver had arrived, you were left with your erratic thoughts about how you were going to handle seeing Minho for the first time since last night. Would it be awkward? Maybe on your end because you were sober enough to remember everything, but maybe his drunken state would ease up the atmosphere.

Your love life sucked. Your crushes never worked out in the end, your first date ended up mediocre, and now you fell for your best friend. You were in denial for the most part, thinking that maybe this was just a coping mechanism for all your failures and that Minho was the only real man to ever care about you, so of course you fell for someone like him. But that wasn’t it, was it? Minho wasn’t made to be your security blanket when all else failed. Maybe all else failed because he was the one all along. Fate always had a weird way of playing with you.

A loud thump in the back seat shook you from your thoughts.

“Sorry, he’s very heavy and I got tired,” Changbin said as he sat in the front seat.

Looking back, you saw a passed out Minho curled up on the seats.

“Jeez, that kind of night, huh?” Did you do that to him…? Was this because of last night…?

“Yeah… you wouldn’t believe the shit he was saying -”

“_____, is that you?” he asked cutely.

“Hey there,” you giggled. “How are you feeling?”

“I miss you ~”

“Huh?”

“Bro, he would not shut up the entire night! _____ this, _____ that, I was honestly so happy that he passed out on the couch because for those ten minutes, I could hear my own thoughts again. Can you two figure out whatever sexual tension you guys are having -”

“Changbin!”

“What!? I’m tired of living with you two!”

“Move out then!”

“No way, I was there first!!”

“Stop yelling,” the poor, drunk boy whined, moving up so his face was in between yours and a pouty Changbin. Minho turned to you all giggly and smiley like a kid in a candy shop and poked your cheek. “I miss you ~”

Of course you did, too. “I miss you, too, dork.”

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you when we get home, I’m sleepy.” And he was out like a light once more.

“What the hell…”

“Chan’s jungle juice, man. It’s magical,” Changbin tisked.

It took two small adults to carry one Minho all the way from the parking lot, to the lobby, to the elevator, and then finally to the door. You’d think with all the working out Changbin did that he could handle the unconscious boy all on his own, but Minho was very muscley… A lot more than you remembered. From supporting his back and abs and having his arm around your shoulder, you could feel every crevice of his taut muscles that you should definitely not be thinking about at a time like this. He was fine to support himself by the time the door opened, and Changbin happily let go of him to go to the bathroom, something about ‘needing to piss really bad.’

Before you could fathom that you were left alone with a loosey goosey Minho, he had already grabbed onto your hand and pulled you into his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around you so you couldn’t escape, but it wasn’t like you were going to, anyways. With his cheek resting on your forehead, you felt safe.

“I miss you ~” he repeated in his sing-songy voice.

“What are you doing?” you muffled into his chest.

“Showing and telling you how much I love you.”

“Wait, what -”

“In fact, let me show and tell the whole world!”

How Minho was able to run to the balcony and not trip and fall flat on his face was a mystery to you. The weird boy literally swung open the door and breathed in the fresh air before screaming into the night,

“I LOVE _____!”

Still inside, feet glued to where Minho first told you he sincerely loves you, you were shocked as the man you loved screamed at the top of his lungs to the city below.

“I LOVE YOU ~!” he screamed once more.

“Oh, my God.”

You sighed tiredly, though your growing smile wasn’t fooling anyone. Reluctantly, you made your way to the balcony to bring in the boy you loved before he lost his voice. After screaming a couple more times, he tuckered himself out and leaned over the edge of the railing.

“You’re going to fall!” you lectured, pulling him back up. That was a bit of a mistake on your end though, because now he used you as his means of support and coddled you tightly like you were his own personal teddy bear.

“I love you, _____,” he said perfectly like there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in his system.

“Minho, you’re drunk.”

He held you tighter. “Do you wanna hear a story? It’s called ‘The Day I Fell for You’.”

“Ok. Tell me all about it.”

“You were in art class and it was the pottery unit. You absolutely hated the mug you made, but I loved it. I told you to submit it for the art exhibit anyways. The following week at exhibition night, you won second place for the best pottery piece. When you went up to get your ribbon in front of all our other classmates and their parents, you only looked at me. You had the brightest smile on your face, and when I gave you a thumbs up, you glowed even brighter. I didn’t think that was even possible. Then when the awards were over, you ran up to me and hugged me so tight. Just like this. And my heart was beating so fast! Just like now, too. I never wanted to let you go, you know? And then when you let me keep your mug, it was all over from there.”

Ah, you remember that story perfectly, even if it was so long ago. Minho made you feel like you could fly without wings.

He hummed happily, enjoying the feeling of you in his arms. “It’s my favorite mug. I drink coffee out of it every morning.”

“I know, I’m the one who washes it…”

“_____, what do I do ~?” He broke the hug and the heart-wrenching moment to hold your face and squish your cheeks so hard your lips would pout. “What do I do ~? I love you and I want to kiss you so badly!”

“Eh!?”

“Just one kiss,” he begged, puckering his lips playfully.

“Ah, no, you weirdo!” you giggled, but you weren’t even fighting back.

“Just one, I promise.”

Before you could fake-object, his lips barely touched yours for a split second. They were soft, sent goosebumps all over your skin, and made sparks fly.

He giggled softly before leaning in again. “Ok, one more.”

“You said just one!”

“I got a taste and now I want more. This is your fault.”

“You sound like an addict.”

“Only for you, baby.”

So he kissed you once more. And again. And again. And then again for the tenth time. The eleventh time he made the kiss last a little longer. The fifteenth time was a kiss on your nose. The sixteenth, seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth were for your cheeks twice. The twentieth and the last was on your forehead, making your heart flutter like a little hummingbird.

"You taste like punch and tequila,” you gagged.

“Do you like it ~?”

“No!”

“Do you like me ~?”

“Only sometimes. But I guess I love you all other times. Luckily, you probably won’t remember this in the morning.”

There’s a short silence afterwards, only the sounds of the wind blowing could be heard as Minho continued to hold you. “Loving me means you can’t get mad at me, right?”

“It means I’ll probably get mad at you more frequently. Why, what did you do…?”

“Nothing, I swear! I’m just… not as drunk as you think I am anymore…”

“Ah, so you’ll remember this in the morning��”

“Absolutely. If you rejected my screaming confession though, I would have still pretended to be drunk. Isn’t my plan so smart? I’m a genius, bro.”

“Mm, I wouldn’t say genius,” you teased.

“Whatever, you admitted you love me, that’s all that matters.”

“I only said it 'cuz you said it first. If you didn’t, I would have kept it to myself.”

“But why ~?”

“You left me this morning. I thought telling you my dream was a huge mistake and I scared you away.”

Your loving boy pressed a twenty-first kiss to your forehead. “I was scared, but not because of that. I was scared you would leave everything at that and wouldn’t think of me as anything but a friend.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m an emotional man, ok.”

“I know ~” you sighed happily. The night air was crisp and cool, but Minho kept you warm, as he always did. He was always there whenever you need him. “I love you, you know that?”

Minho took a long and dramatic breath in, pressing his expanding chest to yours and you kind of regret tell him you love him because from the top of his lungs, he screamed,

“I LOVE YOU!!”

“Minho, shut up!!!”

“I LOVE YOU, _____!!”

The rest of the night until the following morning was spent with Minho’s arms wrapped tightly around you. The only time he ever let you go was when you burned the pancakes and needed his help making more.

Minho, the dorky, annoying, loving, sweet, dumbass of a friend was now YOUR dorky, annoying, loving, sweet dumbass.

He wasn’t so bad.

#lee minho #minho #lino #skz #stray kids #skz minho #skz lee know #stray kids minho #stray kids lee know #lee know #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #god i miss minho so much lmao #this was not edited :)))))))))))))))))))))sorry :)))))#i hope you like it!!! i put a lot of love in it bcuz i love lino :))))#YES IT'S FROM MY FIRST FIRST LOVE LMAO

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rightnowyoucanttell · 5 years ago

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Lone Star //: G.D

(This imagine is inspired by the song Lone Star by the Front Bottoms, it has got to be my favorite song ever. I dunno this idea came to for some crazy reason. I am not saying this is my opinion or trying to enforce my opinion, I don’t ever post my opinions on social media due to backlash, on the topic, i’m just simply writing an imagine. )

Y/N and Grayson have been dating for almost two years, when a night of tangled limbs winds you up pregnant, it overwhelms you. Leading a confused and scared Y/N to get an abortion behind Graysons back. Fed up with a nauseous wave of guilt, Y/N tells Grayson.

Warnings: angst, unwanted pregnancy, mentions of smut, abortion

The morning after you looked at your figure in the mirror. The doctor at the clinic said within the next three days your pregnancy symptoms would vanish or dial down to unnoticeable, you looked forward to that. After telling Grayson, there would likely be no reminders left besides the sonogram, you prepped yourself for him to leave, but deep down you would never be ready.

Your hand trailed your neck, where he had kissed longly and tenderly that night of tangled limbs. You traced down your arm where he had caressed you and wrapped his own strong arms around you as the night came to an end. The love mark had faded from present, to nearly gone, a slight purple glare stayed behind, he had done quite the number on you.

You had told Grayson about your pregnancy, how you were two months pregnant with his child who’s gender wouldn’t have been revealed months later, littand he was a genuinely excited after a while. The pure shock subsided and then he found his will to become a father again, that he clung to so tightly. He wanted to be as good as the man who raised him, he felt he owed him that much. Even if he was only twenty years old, despite that, he would do anything in his power to keep his child/children safe.

You on the other hand.. well.

You had just watched your bank account run dry, spending four-hundred and thirty seven dollars in an attempt to put things back to the way they used to be. Deep down, you felt wrong, you knew you would regret it, but, in some ways _you would have spent so much more. _That didn’t make it any easier. You pulled out your phone, sitting in your empty, cold from guilt, Los Angeles apartment and texted your boyfriend, wanting to do the damage and collect your potential losses. You loved Grayson, but, you couldn’t do it. No matter how much you, him or anyone else deep down wanted you to be able mother a child, you werent ready. And that guilt would cling onto you for the rest of your life.

You: Hey Gray, can you come over? We need to talk about things.. thanks, Y/N

Grayson: Of course, i’m glad were good now, at least that’s what i’ve collected. Want me to bring lunch?

Your heart chimed with the chimes of the cell phone alert. He still loved you, you still loved him. Which made this whole situation even harder. You decided to tell him to bring lunch, giving you a potential opportunity to ease your way in.

You: Sounds great. How about that Vegan Burger place, it’s on the way i figured i’d save you some gas.

Grayson: Haha, thanks, I appreciate it. The usual, times two? 😉

You froze when you thought about what he meant. He was so excited to be a dad, to do unto his own children what his father did, guide them on the right path, be there, listen, play. After all, anyone can be a father, but it took a special someone to be a dad. And Gray, he embodied that exactly, you felt guiltier than before.

You sighed and responded.

You: haha, yeah sure. Oh, but regular fries, no beer battered fries for me 😉😉

Grayson: Haha yeah. Love you, see you in twelve, approx.

You shut your phone off, he wouldn't say anything about no response. From the beginning you told him he walked on eggshells around you. After today, he would never ‘walk around you’ again. He would leave.

As Grayson drove, food in car, he thought about how he would tell his mom, Ethan who still didn’t know after the weeks of his knowledge, Cameron. ‘Hey, meet my pregnant girlfriend, future wife,’ Grayson chuckled to himself knowing that sounded ludacris, even in his head.

He pulled into the parking garage and headed through the lobby and into the elevator to the top floor where your apartment was. He knocked gently, back to the eggshells thing.

“Hey, c’mon in.” you invited grayson inside as the door scrapped across the carpet floor of the apartment. The two floor loft apartment had two bedrooms and one full bath with an amazing kitchen and view, you loved it. The two of you sat at the island counter and pawed through the brown paper bags stained with grease.

“I got you two black bean burgers and a large fry, I figured you’d only drink water, so no drinks. Caffeine pull back is in order...” he drifted off as he already saw you pawing through an order of fries shoveling them into your mouth, trying to play along with the pregnancy for as long as possible. You giggled earning a grin, laugh and graysons fingertips on his right hand running up and down your spine as he picked at him own food with his opposite hand.

Moments of bliss, happiness and baby talk passed, but you knew, it was time to tell him. Time to ruin the happiness and come back to the reality.

“That past few months have been rough, we can agree. Several times wished were both dead..” Grayson looked over to you mid bite into his vegetable spinach wrap in a confusion that swept over his facial expression,”I’ve never cried like that before. Nothing seems right, my hair cut how my clothes fit...”

“Y/N....” he set his wrap down on the paper wrapping and turned to face you on the bar stool.

“Grayson, I got an abortion.” you spit the truth out faster than you would have like to in hindsight.

“Excuse me?” he asked in shoretrievinging his hand from where he was rubbing your tentious shoulders.

“I’m sure you heard me, Gray.. I-”

“So, what? Now, what? Where do I go? Why? Why the fuck” a glass went flying off the island pushed by his back hand.

“Grayson- stop yelling-” Y/N tried to plead with him as the glass crashed to the floor into hundreds of pieces.

“You have no right to tell me what to do, this, this is over. I wanted that baby. You could have left after the birth, god... you ruined any chance of us fixing things. And what? You just played along this.. eating food, food I bought with my money? Using me, again, ain’t that right?” he was furious steaming quite literally. Y/N could feel the heat in his words and his positive now turn cold and negative energy.

“I’m sorry...” Y/N began to sobb, heavy wet tears that pooled in her eyelids and streamed mascara down her face, her breathing heavy ahiccupinging in her throat

“Oh don’t fucking tell me your sorry, when your not, Your just sorry you got caught in a situation in which you can’t lie further. Take a bow, you really had me going, the curtains closed.”

“Grayson-” you chased after him as he walked away,”Please,... I don’t deserve it, but stay, let’s discuss this as the adults were not. I was scared okay?”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? And, oh your ‘sorry’? Well, sorry-sorry doesn’t get me my baby back now does it Y/N. You deserve to be alone, gather your thoughts, and i’ll gather your things and drop them off. Maybe, down the road we can try this again. But for now, the only thing i’m giving you, is the award for the best liar, it goes to you...” he huffed glancing over his shoulder angrily looking at you and around the apartment before slamming the door behind him, knocking your first ultrasound photo off the cork board behind the door.

The baby whose life you took, because you were scared. Your apartment so small felt so big, replaying the moment the man you loved left your life because you were selfish.

{AHH first post, this sucks, but eh it’s okay I guess.

Find my instagram @ brokenvibes_2020, I make video edits, mostly the dolan twins but other fandoms too. }

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan x reader #followme #angst #graysondolanpregnant #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan imagines #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan angry #newtumblr #dolan twins fanfic #dolan twins imagine #grayson x reader

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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649

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yeah, of course. What did you do yesterday? I spent the morning hungover because I drank the night before, but I had to be in class by 10 AM so I had no choice but to drive to school. My classes were thankfully pretty chill, and the most random thing that happened was my prof making us take a speed typing test in the middle of our class lol. Otherwise, it was a normal school day. Something you really want right now? More moneyyyy. I blew most of it last Wednesday when me and my girlfriend had drinks up in Marco Polo. Hotels obviously jack up their prices on everything, and alcohol is no exception so what I’d pay for a cocktail in my school’s area got quadrupled in Marco Polo. But I had a loooot of fun that night, so I can’t say I regret it even though I lost most of my allowance. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? [continued from yesterday because I just had suuuch a hectic week] Like I’ve said, the idea of revenge is something I daydream about just to feel internally satisfied, but I never feel the need to act on it. How long have you liked the person you like? Six, maybe even seven years.

Are you happy with the way things are going? For the most part. I could go with less worry/anxiety, but I mean I can’t say I’m miserable. Would you ever get a tattoo? Only if I feel like the time is right, which is a FAR cry from “get tattoos of all the things you love”-era Robyn lmao. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yes. April is my birth month, and I’d hate to be single by then lol. What plans do you have for tomorrow? I finally have my rest day tomorrow, which I’m fuuuucking stoked about. It’s been such a busy busy week and I’m just so relieved that all I have to do tomorrow is sit and lounge around. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Not really. I kinda cut off friendships with two guys because they annoyed me over some issue, but the thing is they’re part of our high school group so I can’t avoid them forever – I see them when we have reunions, but I don’t mingle with them. What are you listening to right now? I can hear the electric fan whirring in front of me but in my head Simmer by Hayley Williams is playing as loud as ever. Do you and your last ex hate each other? No. What are you afraid of? I hate uncertainty the most, but some other things I’m afraid of are failing in general, videos that make me stressed like footage of collapsing/fainting people or racist people making tirades on public transport, flying cockroaches, sharp objects, and fire. When was the last time you were sick? Some time last year, I got a fever for like two hours but I was totally fine after. But the last time I was SICK sick was sometime in 2017 – but even that was only an overnight thing. I don’t remember the last time I was sick for over a day. Do you tend to waste a lot of money? LMAOOO don’t even remind me. I literally have a single P50 bill left in my wallet – that’s less than a dollar to ya. Do you have trust issues? No, not at all. Do you think this year will be better than last? I’m genuinely unsure, and I’d rather not guess or mull over it. 2020 is going to be a year of so much change – graduating college, getting my first job, maybe moving out for the first time?, not knowing if my girlfriend is going to pursue a master’s abroad, what that means for us, etc. Big things are waiting, and I HATE the uncertainty of it all. I take surveys to forget, so please don’t remind me of things I go here to forget, haha. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No. Are you a jealous person? I can be, but like I’m not obsessed with being jealous. When was the last time you got a haircut? 2018. I desperately need a dramatic haircut. Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Yeah I know people who’ve told me about it, but I’m sure there are more people I know that haven’t told me they do weed. Who is the last person you rode in a car with? I was with Luisa and Hannah and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t the one driving! Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I ask people this and they always tell me I’m a perfect mix. Apparently the top half of my face looks like my dad, and the bottom half is all my mom. Are there any stressful situations in your life? Yep a little bit yep yep yep. If you were caught cheating would you fess up? If I was already caught, I’d be incredibly stupid to still deny it so yeah, I’d confess. The last time you honestly felt broken? Maybe Monday? Idk, I cried pretty hard that day, harder than I normally would. What do you really want right now? I want this stupid internet speed to be faster because I need to send emails ASAP, and I need some good fucking food. I am not the happiest camper right now lmao. Best thing about the last person you chatted on facebook? He’s literally the most reliable dude ever. I can always depend on him to help me out no matter how last-minute it is. Best thing about the last person you talked to in person? She’s generous. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Yesterday. Is there someone you wish you were closer to? At this point, not really. I’m happy with my circle and there haven’t been new people who entered my life recently. Have any addictions? Nope. Are you anything like your siblings? We’re all reserved, but then again out of all the three of us I’m still the biggest extrovert and I’m also probably the one who finds it easy to blend in with most groups. But yeah, we all definitely have a layer of extreme shyness in us. We’re also never upfront about our feelings, so when we cry we do it in the privacy of our own rooms, or if we’re upset we rant about it to our own friends. Have you ever had a stalker? I don’t think so. Have you ever received an injury from a hook up? LOL what? No I haven’t. That sounds wild though. What did you last eat? A brownie and a sip of coffee. What was the best concert you have been to? PARAMORE. UGH. THEY HAVE THE BEST CONCERTS. I’ve seen them twice and I plan to see them three, four, and the next bajillion times. Paramore forever <3 Who is the last person you hugged? I’m not 100% sure. Maybe Laurice. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? I have a couple, yeah. Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? This survey is a big secret for one, lmao. Where do you get your clothes? It depends. I shop everywhere so I get my clothes from a variety of places. They’re mostly from independent shops/stalls that pop up once in a while at malls, though. Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? [continued YET AGAIN from last night because I am just one big exhausted bean] Again, this Tumblr is a pretty big secret. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? There are several people who meet this category. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? I like sleeping with someone only if they’re my significant other. Otherwise, I like my own space when I sleep. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? No, I haven’t. When was the last time something bothered you? I am bothered at this moment, hence the survey-taking haha. Who was the first male you talked to today? My dog. But if he doesn’t count, it was Andrew. Are you completely over your past relationships? I’ve only been with one person. Do you get attached to people easily? No, it only ever happens with select people. But when I get attached, it happens hard. Are you currently looking forward to anything? Uhhhh sure. I’m dreading most of this week but my high school’s annual school fair is happening this Friday and Saturday and that’s the only thing I’m excited for. Do you believe in love? Yes. Let's be honest, have you ever been played by someone? Can’t say I have. Have you ever played someone? Yes, this I’ve done. I still feel bad about it occasionally but I’m sure the person has long gotten past it. What is currently on your mind? How sad I am and that I have to focus on this survey so I can be distracted. Would it hurt seeing the last person you kissed, kissing someone else? Of course. How many piercings have you had in your life? Just two. Who else is in the room with you? I’m the only one in the dining room but my brother is also here downstairs. Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? [It’s 12 hours later. This is the absolute slowest I’ve ever worked on a survey lmao] No, it was always the other way around HAHAHA Did you eat breakfast today? I haven’t yet but I’m not feeling hungry so I might just settle for a cup of coffee. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago watching a clip from an NBA game having a moment of silence for Kobe Bryant. I was never into basketball but we DID have a copy of NBA Live 2003, and whenever I played it I always used the Lakers team so that I got to play as either Shaq or Kobe, so I’m sad and shocked, to say the least. Do you like tea? Just sugary iced tea. None of that herbal stuff. When was the last time you took a nap? Yesterday afternoon. What song is stuck in your head? Simmer, by Hayley Williams. As has been the case in the last four days. Do you have a TV in your room? I used to, but my brother would always be the one using it to play his video games so I eventually just gave it to him. Have you ever broken a bone? Nope. And I’m always extra careful so that I never have to go through such an injury. Have you ever had stitches? ^ Same answer. Are you wearing a sweatshirt? No...it’s starting to get warmer for sweatshirts now :( Have you taken a shower in the last 24 hours? Yes. Are there things in your life that you'll never be able to get over? Of course. There’s been a fair share of deaths, betrayals, abusive family shit that I’ve had to go through and that aren’t easy to forget. Can you remember who you liked this time last year? Yes. What's one physical flaw you'd like to fix about yourself? Straightening my teeth. What do you do when you're feeling extremely nervous? Uh it depends on whatever helps me at that time. I’d pace around, fiddle with my eyebrows, breathe deeply, shake my hands rapidly, bite my nails, etc. Do you have a hard time letting go? Yes. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I doubt it. What do you plan on doing now? Making my cup of coffee and taking another survey to make up for the embarassment that is taking three days of finishing this one lmao.

#survey #surveys

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96xie · 5 years ago

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2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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What are you planning to do tomorrow? Tomorrow is Halloween, but I’m not doing anything special. I’ll just watch scary movies, which I’ve been doing all month, and chill with my family. Probably get some takeout. Are you comfortable with your height? I wish I was a little bit taller. Ha, cue Skee-lo “I Wish.” Last text received? My dad letting me know he was on his way home from work yesterday. Whats your favorite subject in school? My favorite was always English. Many of my psych courses in college were as well, which is what I majored in. Whats your least favorite subject in school? Me and math never got along. Are you afraid of heights? Yes.

Are you afraid of the dark? I sleep with my TV on because I can’t have it be completely dark. Or quiet. Are you a jealous person? I feel envy more. I haven’t felt jealous in a long time. Do you miss anyone right now? There’s a few someones I’ll always miss. How do you feel about your hair? I hate it right now. I badly need to get it dyed, trimmed, and styled. Do sleep with a stuffed animal? I have 3 that sit on my bed. Do you sleep with the light on? I sleep with the TV on for a little sound and light. Do you sleep with the fan on? Yes. Were you happy when you woke up today? I never wake up happy. I wake up feeling like a zombie. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yeah. Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. Do you drink coffee? Duhhh. Do you find piercings attractive? No. I don’t mind some, I just don’t find them particularly attractive. Do you find tattoos attractive? Same thing I said about piercings. When is your birthday? July 28th. How long are you on the computer? I spend a lot of time on here. Do you watch a lot of TV? Yeah. It’s on as background noise a lot, but I’ll tune in and out to it. I do have my shows I watch and am into, though. Or if there’s a movie I like that’s on. I multitask between that and being on the computer. What was the last movie you watched? On TV it was Halloween (2007) yesterday and in theaters it was Joker last week. What was the last TV show you watched? Catfish. Do you curse in front of your parents? No. Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? That happened already with a lot of people these past few years. :/ Do you like your phone? Yeah. Have you ever taken a road drip? Yes. Are you happy right now? No. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. Have you ever written a story? Yeah. I used to write short stories when I was like 13/14. Man, I wish I still had those. What are you listening to right now? An ASMR video. Do you watch American Idol? No. I did when it first started and many seasons after that, but one the original judges started leaving I lost interest. Whats your favorite number? 8. Whats the last thing you ate? Ramen. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Gray. How is the weather right now? Nice and cold. Are you too shy to ask someone out? There isn’t anyone I want to ask out, but yeah I’m never the one to make the first move. What were you doing before this? Another survey. Do you have any pets? I have a 2 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing? Yeah. Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten? No. Do you like to travel by plane? I’ve only done it twice, but I might be traveling via plane next year. :O Do you use chapstick? Not often enough. I should. When did you last cry? A few days ago. What did you do today? So far just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos. Do you drink a lot of water? I need to drink more. I only drink like 1-2 bottles a day. What was the last website you visited? Google. How long do you think you will live? Blah. What do you spend most of your money on? Clothes. What did you eat for lunch today? I haven’t had lunch, yet, but I’m sure I’ll have a sandwich like I usually do. Do you eat breakfast? Usually. Do you eat junk food every day? I guess ramen could be considered junk food and I eat that like every night. Otherwise, no I’m not a snacker like I used to be. My appetite changed a lot a few years ago and I have some eating issues. How’s your life going lately? Blah. Do you like the winter time? Love it. Have you ever had to get your blood drawn? Countless times now. Do like eating mashed potatoes? Yesss. Are you a good cook? I make a pretty good bowl of ramen, ha. What is the most important thing to you? God and my family. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? No. I don’t have an interest in anyone like that currently. When was the last time someone put you on the spot? Surveys like to do that. Do you lie about your age? No. I have no reason to. I’m 30 and old, ha. Have you ever been stung by a bee? No, thankfully. Who was the last person you high fived? Probably my mom. Who made you mad today? No one has. Do you like whip cream? Yeah, I like it in hot chocolate and like latte/mochas/cappuccinos. I don’t like whipped cream frosting, though. Give me buttercream. Do you know how to swim? Nope. Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. Could you go a whole month without cursing? Yeah. I don’t cure a lot anyway. Are you close to your mother? Very. Are you close to your father? No. We don’t have a bad relationship, but it’s not like the one my mom and I have. It’s just different. Do you miss your past? I miss a lot of things about my past. Are you any good at math? Nope. Do you look at the keyboard when you type? No. Who hugged you last? My mom. Who’s one person you can tell everything to? Ya’ll. ha. Do you keep things bottled up inside? I keep to myself a lot “in real life”, but I share a lot in surveys. Has anyone let you down lately? Just myself as always. Do you call anyone by their last name? No. Have you ever been called a bad influence? No. Do you have a lucky number? I don’t believe in luck, but I have a favorite number: 8. What scares you the most? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life and just wasting away. What did you do today? Just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos so far. It’s only 3:22AM. Why do you feel the way you feel? Good question! I’d sure like to know what the hell is wrong with me. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Starbucks Doubleshot. What woke you up this morning? My body will wake itself up. Do you have a best friend to lean on? I have my family. Do you ever have wierd confusing dreams? All the time. How is your hair right now? A mess. When was the last time you went shopping? Earlier this month my mom and I did a little shopping at the mall. We went grocery shopping last week. Did you laugh a lot today? Not so far, but like I said it’s only 3 in the morning. Do you know what pseudo means? Yes. Was there anyone who made your day today? Sigh. Are you liking how you look today? No. Or any day. Do you hate when they give a lot of tv commercials? Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. Are you waiting for anything? Not at the moment. Are you a very stressed out person? Yes. Are you single? Yes. Do you watch the news? Sometimes. I mostly get my news online or from news app on my phone. Have you ever been to disney world? No, but I’ve been to Disneyland. Do you like animals? Yesss. Do you know how to skateboard? I can’t. Do you go to church? No. I do listen to the sermon that’s uploaded every Sunday from a local church that I plan to attend in the future. What do you do to relax? “Relax, don’t do it when you want to go to it.”

Anyway, the only time I’m able to really relax even just a little is when I’m at the beach. Do you hate when people stare at you for no reason? Uh, yeah. It happens a lot with kids. They’re so fascinated by wheelchairs, I guess. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My mom. Do you remember what date is was? When I had the deep convo with my mom? It was just a couple days ago. How often do you talk on the phone? I rarely talk on the phone. The only time are brief calls with one of my parents when they’re calling from work or while they’re out and about. Do you have any saved texted messages? My phone just keeps ‘em all. I’ve never gone through and deleted any. Which color is better? Red, Blue, Green, Black, or Yellow? I like all of them, but honestly I’d probably go with black. And blah, blah yeah I know it’s not really a color. Shh. Whats your first initial? S. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not anymore. I used to be. My emotions were like, “we’re in control now!” Are you afraid of rollercoasters? Yeahhh, I don’t do rollercoasters. Is anyone annoying you right now? No. Everyone here is asleep. Do you smile a lot? *shrug* Genuine ones not as much. Does the person you like know that you like them? I don’t like anyone in that way currently. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yes. If I’m mad then I cry, they go hand in hand. There’s been a few times where I was literally shaking with anger. That’s rare and takes a lot, but it has happened. Did you cry today? Not so far. When was the last time you had a sleepover? Several years ago. My cousins used to sleep over all the time. Do you like watching horror movies? Love ‘em. How many kids do you want? Zero. What do you wanna be when you grow up? I’m “grown up”, but I still have no idea. Don’t let my age fool you, though. I don’t feel grown up in a lot of ways. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Do you like taking pictures? Not of myself, but sure. Do walk around bare foot when your at home? Or do you wear socks? I always wear socks. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your nose gets runny? It’s not pleasant. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your eyes get teary? That doesn’t happen to me. Do you wear make up? It’s been a long time since I’ve worn any makeup. I honestly don’t think I have at all this year. :O Do you wear jewerly? I wear these beaded bracelets (some I made, some I bought) sometimes. Do you ever play games on the computer? I like to play The Sims sometimes. It’s been awhile, though.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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curlyshyy · 6 years ago

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New Apartment and the same anxious energy with a while lotta guilt and regret :) (A short story by me)

I love that when I’m too lazy and sad to pull out a journal I can come on here cuz no one looks at this shit. Why do I event still have a tumblr?

The last two nights have been rough for me, as I think new happy events trigger my brain into being sad and hating myself? Of course it’s nights where I’ve had to open the bar at 9 AM the next morning. I suppose that’s the first reason I hadn’t been able to sleep. I hate my job low-key. I once loved Alamo Drafthouse. Adored it even. Then moved to this shit hole in Norrh Richland Hills which is the furthest from the Alamo way, and I’m not valued. I feel like a fuck up everyday. In a lot of ways I am. I’m functioning with severe anxiety and most people don’t know or understand. I do stupid things when I’m having a panic attack, and these managers judge me hard. But here’s the thing I know in my heart, even when I hate myself, I’m a good worker, I’m kind, and will do anything for my coworkers and will eventually get really good at this job.im dedicated to say the least. I think that’s what matters most but for now they just see me as a fuck up, slow learner. I work my ass off though and they don’t see it. If I could work every second of everyday. Ifthis shit hole wasn’t trying to cut everyone’s hours cuz they’re not making any money, i’d work myself into physical exhaustion, like I’m so good at doing. Thats the only thing I can feel. It’s my only escape and I hate being there. This is a little dramatic. My life has been improving, and yes I know I need therapy. We been knew. My ass was anxious at 5 years old. Anxiety is truly hell, I wish I’d just force myself to hurry up and get help, and I wish I wasn’t poor. I wish my mom had saw how fucked I was and made me get help as a kid, but she did the best she could. Could blame the bitch but like, she has a hard enough time accepting and coping with her own mental illness. She hardly acknowledges it. That must be hard to lie to yourself everyday, and say that you just have to choose happiness.

The reason the last two nights have been shit is cuz I stayed up dreading going to work and being there all day and I hate the fuck out of mornings and waking up before noon. Which is why I like closing and usually have night shifts. Since the fucks cut my hours I gotta take what I can get though. I need a constant distraction at night cuz my brain is literally scary as fuck. I can’t even tell anyone about 95% of it. It’s so terrifying. So I usually distract myself with my phone. But I was like “hey, brain I know we’re anxious af and sad, but can we go to sleep?” To which my brain replied : “Remember this event from two years ago? Haha you’re a terrible person.” Then my body physically stiffend, I felt physically ill and my head ached and all I could do was think about past mistakes and everything that makes me a failure and bad person. Typical manageable anxiety for me at this fucking point, I’m just not gonna be able to sleep and I know it. Then I remember an old friend, I used to work with at Chili’s. Javi. Literally one of the very slim parts of the things that I don’t block out and cringe hard about when it comes to chili’s, are our times together. I block that shit hard. I mean just thinking about me in this time frame is enough to make me believe I’m terrible. I wasn’t right. I regret literally everything about chili’s. That place is a nightmare and probably what hell is going to look like when I arrive. anyways god damn. Javi is this sweet kind angel. We were all struggling at this mother fucking chili’s let me tell you. My dumb ass had just come back from vid con (2017) How did I afford that? I spent my rent money. Also I couldn’t afford to eat for like a week. But YouTube was and still is the only thing in this world that makes my brain feel calm. It’s a safe place for me. And I was dumb as shit. Anyway my dumb ass was already starving before Vidcon and could barely afford rent. :) cuz chili’s doesn’t pay well. So I was real fucked when rent came up and literally considered myself lucky when I found a packet of cheezits lying around, cuz that was a good meal to me at the time. I guess I’m telling my coworkers this and busting my ass all night bussing peoples tables and helping out as a hostess which of course paid jack shit. And I know I’m about to go home fucked another night, and Javi, pulls out the $165 dollars he made that night, and hands it to me. The boy had bills, and worked all night too. Who would ever be so kind-hearted to do such a thing. I of course refused, cuz what the fuck. He insisted. I said I was going to cry and he said “aw don’t cry Sheyenne, or I’ll cry too.” And hugged me. I was also super numb and depressed and wanted to be with Hannah so much, and honestly I don’t feel like I was my best self. I look at that person and I don’t feel like it was me. But I used it to pay rent. Still wasn’t eating and he even bought me food one day. Literal angel. I don’t know or remember if I expressed enough gratefulness. I don’t know if I was capable of expressing it. A couple months later he’s about to move to Idaho, and we have a goodbye dinner, and I figure this is a good time to repay him. I give him $100 which is all I could really do at the time, and try to tell him I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. He leaves, and I think we only ever talked one time after that, and I offered to buy him pizZa but never did for some reason? We never really talked again. I alwyas momentarily remember him, but I really have chili’s and the person I was in 2017 so far blocked that I really can’t remember that shit. It’s so hazy. There isn’t a full day I can remember. Just tiny bits and pieces. For some reason two nights ago I remembered him vividly. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt panic and guilty as fuck. Paralyizying guilt. I felt like I should never deserve to enjoy anything ever again in my entire life. I felt terrible. I felt like if he ever struggled to make it or eat, then I should’ve been there for him. I stalked his fb, cuz I needed to know he was okay.

He doesn’t use social media too much. His mom however posts about him a lot. Which confused me because I know they have a strained relationship, and he could have a lot of help from his mom, but I think he resented the help, because they didn’t always get along? I don’t know how fucked she was to him though. What fb told me was she paid for him to come every few months. He has a new girlfriend that he seems very happy with, he seems happy in general. He’s smiling in pics. But that’s social media. At best pictures his moms posting. I felt like I needed to know or I was going to have a breakdown. I don’t have his phone number for some reason, so I snapped him a long message. Usually I’d feel crazy to reach out especially when we Weren’t that close but I just needed to. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. Then opened at work. The shake machine of course was fucked and I had to put it back together correctly only after shake mix poured everywhere. That’s just my life. Me doing something out of panic, and then having to redo it after looking like a dumb bitch. I truly learn from fucking up. I’m wired so fucking wrong. He finally responds once I’m off work. I read it. It’s not what I need to hear but it’s decent, and proves he doesn’t hate me. He tells me he’s good, but working at Taco Bell, and I know he’s still struggling which makes me sad, but I guess I’ve been struggling to, so I shouldn’t hold myself accountable for not reaching out. I’ve been so poor, and me and Hannah are just now catching up, and taking a breather after 2 years of struggling. I let my mind rest though because he’s alive and he’s eating and has a girlfriend and family who are looking out for him. Until the next night when I should be exhausted from no sleep. The guilt starts eating away at me again. I feel like I shoukdve sent him more money,but after a while I stopped thinking about it because of all that I was going through and that made me feel selfish. I felt that I owed him for my entire life. Maybe I blocked out how much he and his kinda gesture meant to me because anything regarding chili’s, is so far removed, and maybe that super vivid memory, is what I needed to remind me. I’ve also been struggling heavily with my mental health and off and on numb most of the time, so it is possible that I wasn’t as grateful as I could’ve been or at least didn’t properly show gratefulness. So I once again reached out and also sent $20. I really went for it this time. I said I literally need to know you’re okay and happy, and for you to know how special you are and sorry if this sounds crazy dog. Like I must’ve seemed fucking insane but I needed him to know. I don’t know why it was physically paining me so much. Maybe because of all the roommates and so called friends who disappeared without paying rent and left me fucked with no second thought of how I’d eat tomorrow. I just couldn’t bare to think that, He was out there roughing it, maybe Skiping a meal, (like Hannah and I’ve had to so so many times thanks to people who literally could give a fuck less.) After he was there when I needed help. He ended up telling me he didn’t need money, and that he did what he did because he was my fiend, and he even apologized that I didn’t have any friends at the time that would’ve helped me the way he did. He apologized. He told me that I deserved it. That really calmed me. I guess I forgot the good that I did because I just remember the bad. I guess I didn’t think about the positive effects I had on him. That I must’ve done something right for someone to care so deeply that they just handed me that kind of money, after a long shift. He saw that, and maybe he felt he owed me in a weird way. I still feel like I owe him. I wish I’d talked to him sooner. Genuinely good people are hard to find. Who tf would do what he did? Seriously. I am so glad I reached out though.

It worries me though. How small past events can trigger me so hard. It’s a snowball effect. Anxious about work, life, who I am, past mistakes, and it’s paralyzing and hurts my entire body and keeps me from sleep and makes me feel undeserving of a good life or any enjoyment. I really need to get help because it’s getting to an unmanageable point, like it was after I graduated 3 years ago. It scares me that so many past memories are blocked expect for bad ones and bits and pieces. It scares me that, there has never been a completely care free 100% happy period of my life, that lasted longer than a couple days, and now as an adult it’s an even shorter amount of time. Genuine happiness is rare and make men feel pointless. I’m empty most of the time and want things and have the capacity to work hard and achieve them but also feel that I don’t deserve them. I am capable of happiness and some days, I do feel genuinely happy even if it doesn’t last the whole day. My family and Hannah still have a lasting impact on me and even when I’m an unfeeling zombie, I still know love, and numbness makes it hard to feel but somehow not entirely impossible. Little bits of light get through the cracks, and in some ways I’ve gotten better at managing my brain, and I truly don’t want to die or think I deserve to like I once did. The guilt attacks and fears of being bad, and some how accidentally hurting someone emotionally or physically, still fuck my head up because I could never hurt anyone intentionally and feel guilt for any small pains caused alwyas. I wish I could take back many wrong words and hurtful actions done and said to loved ones, but I can’t but it’s okay because they forgive me, so I can forgive myself too. I have to let go of the past.

This really creeped in again because I started to feel excited about a fresh start and our apartment. My brain tries to tell me I don’t deserve it. I deserve to decorate with Hannah, and to allow myself happiness so that I can be happy and enjoy life and be a better girlfriend. I also need to get a new job that doesn’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.

A part from that all I’m feeling a lot better. I’m off tomorrow. I watched Phil’s new video and it made me feel hopeful, proud and nostalgic. YouTube and the youtubers that have been the stand ins for the lack of friends, have comforted me, inspired me, and put my brain to rest, and assured me I’m not as weird and alone as I think I am. That’s why I want to do YouTube. It’s a tough though. Editing takes a lot of time and I want to make things I’m proud of. I want to make music even though I’m bit a musician, I want to keep writing and actually read again like free 12 year old me did. I read and wrote so much then. I want to be that me again. I want to reach other people and help them feel less alone, I want to make a difference and I want to not feel like a failure. I just need to get past all of this guilt and I really think this is the start of that, and my journey to creating.

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countessgreytea · 6 years ago

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I stumbled upon a forum and started reading through some MM threads. One anonymous poster had some interesting things to share in a thread from late September 2018:

So, I volunteered/worked for the DOS during the end of her toronto years and the transition. I don't like to bash black industry because I feel it's vital for us to make our own opportunities and grow our own wealth, but this tea is absolutely true, and then some. Certain power players would absolutely fawn over her when they met her with her ex husband and when she went to audition would literally laugh in her face. I will defend her against anyone calling her a hooker. That's absolutely untrue. She made a lot of her extra money by befriending fashion people and ultimately getting paid for appearances at dinners/red carpets. She was an opportunist, but honestly if it were a dude, we wouldn't be judging him the way people judge her. I can honestly say that the relationship timeline given to the public regarding Harry is false. If you find that interview with her ex's mom and read between the lines, you'll see it. She has historically not been great with timelines. If people have questions I can answer a few. I'm still in touch with her because I've moved on to work for her friend who is very much in touch with her.

.....

So she and CV (the ex) were as good as engaged even around the end of April - they were both at my birthday dinner. CV is engaged to a singer and they have a baby on the way - that's how ready he was to start a family. He's a really good guy. Even now when I go in to one of his joints and he's around we chat and he offered his family vacation home for me to take my mom for a week. I don't often say this about white men, but I really respect him, he reminds me of my dad. It's a little hard to believe now, but she was more of an earthy Cali girl pre-prince, so they weren't super serious about a formal engagement. CV was totally head over heels and the only reason they were waiting was bc meg really wanted to branch into movies and do something meaningful before settling down with kids and moving into a travel/food show. "Think Bourdain meets Nora Ephron meets hippie chic" is what I wrote in my notes when we were writing up a proposal. I was actually really excited about it, I was going to work on the show. Priyanka Chopra has sorta copied the idea and but changed it so she meets famous people lol. (I have PC tea too, someone point me to a thread and I'll post). Prinze was seeing someone. I hope you'll respect that I won't spill bc that could get me into real trouble. He and nutmeg actually met in the run up to invictus, she "wanted to help" but this is code for wanted to make connections. When they met sparks flew and basically she was like damn issa prince and made her moves accordingly. There was a month between the breakup and the first date and the breakup actually wasn't "final" it was "just a break." She said she was feeling like she was in a rut. From date #1 onwards it was a whirlwind. It was really lovely to watch two people fall in love but very tough bc I knew what had gone down prior. As far as I know she is not pregnant, she is doing IVF though and it has caused a little bloat. That's why her clothes are rarely fitted. She'll be pregnant towards the end of the Aussie tour if all goes as planned. She is very calculating but I really respect her game. For example, that story about the corgis laying at her feet was planted bc white people love anything to do with dogs (I mean, so do the rest of us but white people don't have great attention spans, let's be totally real). She has a natural strategic intelligence from her mother. I cannot say enough wonderful things about her mother. Oprah and Iyanla got nothing on her, imo. This prince thing is the first time ms.meg did someone dirty since I started working for her. She secured the bag, so good for her, I guess.

.....

Made moves - set up the Wimbledon appearance and "happened" to be at the soho house hotel so prinze and her could see each other again. It's a hotel that the public doesn't have the same kind of access too.

.....

about the engagement interview, and the corgi anecdote:

Oh girl, you don't even know what I did for that interview. Just because Harry told the story doesn't mean it wasn't planted. They planted in the interview so that people would go "aww." Think about the placement of that anecdote - right after they spoke about meeting family and how they'd spent a lot of time together in the past 1.5 years. The story was to push that narrative over the edge by associating it with a sweet story.

.....

Someone replied that MM was in Mexico when PH was in Toronto ahead of IG:

My girl, this doesn't mean we didn't reach out and get in touch with the invictus team. The Internet issa crazy thing!

.....

Whether PH knew about CV:

I actually don't know much about this side of the story - I worked for the DOS, not the prince. I never had access to her personal texts or anything. From what I felt though, I don't think he knew exactly how serious they were

.....

Sure! Auntie Dee has been through a lot in her own life. People haven't looked much into her own childhood, but there was family tension and abuse, but she never let that get her down. She was quick to compliment on good character "thank you for your honesty" "thank you for your grace" "i admire your strength." She really is crazy about yoga though, she says it helps preserve the body. She is not at all judgmental to people who do yoga the first time, including myself, and doesn't like that white women culture vulture yoga from Indians - she is fierce about respecting heritage. She loves gardening. She is lowkey a very strong Christian...idk how that fits with yoga tbh but she's cool with it. She is completely self-made and raised up several black women and other women of color in her professional life (yoga and social work and other artistic endeavours)

..... About the article with CV’s mom : “Mrs Vitiello surmises that Meghan and Cory had been apart for about three months before she first met Harry.”:

Regarding that Daily Mail article: the specific wording is surmised. The meaning of the word surmise is to suppose something is true without having the evidence to confirm it. I know the person trying to poke holes in my tea won't believe it, but that specific word was fought over and eventually money was paid in order for that specific word to be used.

.....

I could be wrong here - I'm definitely not in her inner circle anymore (professionally there is no real room for upward movement, I started working for her blog so I could eventually work in digital publication and PR). I also know nothing about IVF - I just heard from my boss (her friend) that it causes bloat and it's really unfair that people judge her. I know for sure she is on IVF bc she needed an injection during her trip to Toronto and her PPOs were unhappy and my boss talked about it a lot.

.....

There are a lot of royal "rules" that the family must abide by that aren't normal for you and me, including medication. The physician must be present alongside the assistant to ensure that the shot has not been tampered with, etc. Remember, British royalty goes back to the days of people poisoning each other regularly, there are still archaic rules. I don't know more than that, I'm only peripherally in her life anymore.

.....

someone asked about PH/MM’s dynamic:

I only saw the beginning, until the move to London. They are both demonstrative, but just from knowing her, I can tell she's a little more cautious in public - she doesn't want to seem too American/gauche. She'll probably relax as she has kids and sinks into her role, you know? It's tough to be totally yourself when you have so many eyes on you.

.....

Do the BRF like MM?

All I've been told is that they love her but they way it's been said seemed like the person who said it was trying to convince themselves as well as me. From emails and coordination purposes, "the firm" aka the staff took to her really well and Prince Chuck liked her a lot too.

.....

What happened in Toronto with photographers before PH made his statement?

People were trying to break into her house and get onto the Suits set. She jetted to London one evening and eight hours later the statement had been released. It was released like 6 AM ET, I believe.

.....

Her husband, as far as I know, was not a good dude. She never went into specifics but the person who worked for her prior alway said to forward any emails from him to her lawyer. Their relationship was not good.

.....

About Suits, and were other family members at her wedding:

She speaks to the women and Rick, not so much Patrick and Gabe but was genuinely on good terms with everyone. I think she misses it, she tries to be normal by going about doing the same things she did in Toronto but I don't think it's the same. It's okay, she's a princess, she'll survive. Other family members were there, yes.

.....

Oof, where you got all this sourness from? No bankruptcy, no jail (though she did work at correctional facilities). I think the living with her dad thing was just because of proximity to her school. I believe she spent Friday to Sunday evenings with her mom.

.....

Her offering help with IG:

So she was not volunteering the way you or I would volunteer, but she was reaching out to ask whether she could lend her knowledge of Toronto and relationships with people there to help make things run smoothly. It's not really work, it's basically just talking lol. All these celebs who say they are the UN ambassador for whatever just go on paid vacations to poor folks' homes and film themselves being selfless aka playing with kids and then "lending their support" aka throwing a bit of money or "having high-level conversations." They were both in relationships at the time they first connected and the time they first met. She was looking to see if there was an opening for her, if that makes sense. The "first date" they talk about combines their first meeting and then the actual date after he expressed interest (they broke up with others to date, but remember, DOS told her ex that it was a break because she felt she was in a rut and not feeling connection with him). They definitely were texting a lot before the real first date.

.....

I never heard anything about this - if it's true, my apologies to the poster. I did not know everything about their lives. Doria did not strike me as someone who would file for bankruptcy but I know that many people "aren't the type"

.....

As far as I know Kate is cordial to DOS but you would really expect her to make more of an effort. There seemed to be some jealousy/distrust apparently.

....

is she close with doria?:

I think they played up the closeness a bit during the "courtship" but from what I saw, they certainly became closer during that time too. I can say that she had been taking care of her mom financially when I was around.

.....

I know when she gets angry she tears up and gets very quiet.

#mm #mmphbi #meghan markle #mine

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vanillaflavour81 · 6 years ago

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Fall in Love with Riverdale Theme 1 - Sweet Romance

Valentine’s Day Picnic (Joaquin DeSantos & Kevin Keller)

Valentine's Day hadn't been Joaquin's thing in the past. There never had been that special someone in his life with whom he would have liked to spend this holiday. It was for lovers, for boyfriends, not for a random guy you met in back alleys behind shady bars. But that was all Joaquin had known. This year things were different of course. Now there was Kevin. Ex-sheriff's son, wrestler, drama club president, preppy kid, Good Boy TM and Joaquin's boyfriend. They had found their way back to each other and the last months were the happiest Joaquin had ever had. So now Joaquin wanted to make Valentine's Day special for his Preppy. He knew that Kevin was a hopeless romantic and that he loved Valentine's Day. And Joaquin loved Kevin with all of his heart. But the problem was, that Joaquin couldn't afford to take Kevin on a fancy date. He had no money. Juvie and being on the run from G&G had left Joaquin with literally no money in his pocket at all. He was lucky to be alive and fortunate that he had found a home in the Serpent camp at least. The little money he had, went into buying food. So how could he surprise Kevin with a date? Joaquin told his friends about his predicament one night while they were gathering around the bonfire in the Serpent's camp. To his surprise, it was Sweet Pea who gave him an idea. "You don't need money for a romantic date. Just light some candles in your tent and invite your boy over for some homemade pasta or something. You can have some red wine from me, and I am sure you can use the Jones' kitchen to cook something." Joaquin smirked at Sweet Pea and clapped his shoulder. "Thanks, SP! I know what I will do now. I will cook for Kevin, but I won't have him spend Valentine's in my old tent, I will take him on a romantic picnic! But I could really use a bottle of wine from you." And so Joaquin spent the next days planning his Valentine's Day date with Kevin. He wanted it to be perfect. He told Kevin that he would take him on a date and that they needed the Keller's truck. Kevin's face lit up, and he smiled brightly at Joaquin, looking so genuinely happy that Joaquin almost started to cry. On Valentin's Day, Joaquin was leaning against a tree in front of the Serpent camp, waiting for Kevin to pick him up. He was holding a big basket filled with lots of Valentine's themed food: Heartshaped cookies, pancakes, muffins, and sandwiches. He had made it all by himself because that was much cheaper than buying them and it also felt much more personal to do that. He also had several blankets to keep them warm and lots of little jars with candles in them. Kevin's truck pulled up, and Joaquin couldn't stop himself from breaking out into a huge grin. His heart was racing in his chest. He was excited, even a bit nervous, hoping that Kevin would enjoy this day. He climbed into the truck and kissed Kevin's cheek for a greeting. "Hey Preppy." "Hey, gorgeous. So.. will you finally tell me where we are going? I am so excited for what my baby has planned for today." "Just start driving. I am taking you on a romantic picnic to Crystal Lake." He watched Kevin closely for his reaction and was satisfied when he saw a big happy smile spreading across his boyfriend's face. Kevin bit his lip and nodded eagerly. "Oh, I like that...such a sweet idea." They drove to Crystal Lake, holding hands the whole drive. Joaquin kept on stealing glances at the boy next to him. Just looking at Kevin made butterflies flutter in Joaquin's stomach. It still caught him off guard sometimes that he could feel so much for one person. He loved Kevin, truly loved him. He wanted the best for him and wanted to be there for him through good and bad times. He wanted to support Kevin and encourage him to fulfill his dreams, always making sure he was happy. But the most surprising thing was that Joaquin knew that Kevin loved him too. Despite everything that had happened, and despite the choices Joaquin had made, Kevin Keller was still here at his side and gave him all his love, as if Joaquin deserved it. And gradually Joaquin was beginning to believe that yes, maybe he was a good person after all if Kevin could love him so much. Maybe Kevin had really saved him and made him become someone better. They arrived at Crystal Lake, and Joaquin showed Kevin where to park the truck and then quickly hopped out. He made Kevin wait in the driver's seat until he had set up everything in the back of the truck. Lots of comfy warm blankets, fluffy pillows, and candles, which he would light later on when they would watch the sunset together. Once he was pleased with how everything looked, he put all the heart-shaped food he had made on two trays. Joaquin smiled and nodded. It was the perfect setting for a romantic date he decided and quickly climbed off the back of the truck to knock on Kevin's window, telling him to join him in the back. Kevin followed him, a broad smile already forming on his face, which grew even wider when he saw what Joaquin had prepared for him. "Oh my gosh! Cutie, that's amazing! That's the most romantic thing I have ever seen!" He had tears in his eyes when he turned to look at Joaquin, and Joaquin couldn't help but chuckle happily. He was so relieved. "I am happy that you like it, Preppy!" They got into the back of the truck and began to eat while talking and laughing together, joking around and sometimes just kissing for minutes, lost in each other's embrace and the feeling of soft lips moving against one another in a gentle caress. It was a fun afternoon, with lots of laughter and delicious food, some sips of red wine and lots of cuddles and sweet kisses. Once the sun was beginning to set, Joaquin lit all the candles and snuggled comfortably into Kevin's arms, watching the colorful spectacle of the last light of the day gradually turning into a beautiful night sky with countless stars and a full moon. It got a bit chilly, but that only made Kevin and Joaquin cuddle closer to each other beneath the blankets, starting a long make-out session which definitely made them feel very warm again. They stayed like that for a while longer, holding each other, kissing occasionally and just enjoying to be in each other's arms. Joaquin rested his head on Kevin's chest, and he sighed softly when Kevin began to stroke his hair. "I love you, Preppy." "I love you too, Joaquin. I am so happy that you came back to me. Thank you. For today and for every other day you spend by my side." "I won't ever leave again. I plan to spend every single one of my days with you." They didn't say any more after that, there was no need. What Joaquin had said was the truth, and they both knew it.

@riverdale-events

#riverdaleevents #joavin #joaquin desantos #kevin keller #southside serpents

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thetruscumsiren · 6 years ago

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I know no one really likes when I do this but I’m sick and I’m not really thinking clearly and I wanna ramble

Why is it so difficult to change? I’m in one of those moods where I just want to shave my head and do the things I want. The things that make me happy. I want to run around and be reckless just to give it a try. I’ve always done as I was told, always tried to be what everyone else wanted. I’ll get into these moods where I viciously want to fight back.

But the thing is...I can’t. I’m sick and tired of saying “oh, when I’m 18 I’ll-” and just sitting around. Even though I turn 18 in less than a year (which is another terrifying thing) I don’t think I can wait that long. I want to stop being miserable and unhappy. I want to express myself, do what I want to do. But I can’t and I damn well know it.

“Well of course you can! It’s your life, remember? Don’t be afraid to take a little risk!” That’s so much easier said than done? Like I almost need physical therapy because my back muscles are so weak that they can barely hold me up these days (that’s not an exaggeration either, by the way, I’ve been in constant pain at school for weeks) before I can get anywhere near exercising for beginners. Everything costs money. I need to consult so many adults, mostly doctors, and I still can’t drive on my own yet. Plus I’d need my parents there anyway. I don’t have my own card or a job yet. I still live with my parents and I have to live under their rules and their definition of what can make me happy. I’m under 18 so I need their permission for so many of the things I want to do. I have severe anxiety issues and a hard time dealing with sudden changes, yet I’m so desperate I can’t just keep waiting forever. Hell I’ve had to stop being vegetarian because my parents wouldn’t help me find foods I liked and they thought it was dumb and burdensome since they’re not vegetarians and now I just eat like a lazy college student because that’s all I can do most nights. I still can’t buy binders or packers or literally anything to help me alleviate dysphoria. It could be months before I can start T.

I don’t have money, I don’t have time, I don’t have permission, I don’t have patience.

I’ve done my waiting. I’ve felt like this since I was 11 or 12 years old. I’ve been waiting for years. I’ve tried doing it myself multiple times but with no one to help me I always fall off and can never get back on. I’m tired of waiting. I’m sick of this “oh well what if you regret it” attitude. I know it’s supposed to protect me but all it’s done is made me miserable and stop me from pursuing things that’ll actually make me happy. Or at least happier. I just can’t get my parents to understand that I need change. I need my parents to understand that all this mentality has done is made me regret so much of the past 6 years of my life.

I just want to be fucking happy. I’m sick and tired of just being a mirror for people. I hate that this is probably the millionth time I’ve thought like this, felt like this, talked like this, and yet I know that every time I vow that it’ll change it never does. I need help. I need to just start everything over. I just want to be fucking happy. Is that really too much to ask?

Inevitably I’ll just continue like I always do, floating along and hoping I don’t relapse again. Barely being present most of the time and being stuck in my own head because that’s the only place I can pursue the things that make me happy. Desperately waiting for a big change that’ll never come because I have to make it. But I can’t make it.

If I did for some reason go behind my parents’ backs? I’ve never done something that drastic before. I’m genuinely scared I’d get beaten or abused. I’m scared they’d take away the few things that I do have and that I’ll sink even lower than I was before. I’m sick and tired of waiting but I can’t risk doing it alone.

But anyways Drew is depressed as usual but this time it’s ill!Drew edition so I feel like shit on literally all levels. I know the internet isn’t my personal diary but I don’t have therapy until Thursday and I have nowhere else to go

#tw: abuse mention #drew is extremely sad #drew is really sad actually #drew rambles #sorry to bother everyone #sorry for the rant #sorry for venting #sorry if this worries anyone #i’m just really sad #i don’t have anywhere else to go #you can ignore this if you want #it’s not like you can do all that much for me anyway #i’m not really expecting help #i just didn’t want to bottle it up #sick edition #:(((#drew is having an identity crisis again but what else is new

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thetravellingvagrant · 6 years ago

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Day 1- Glasgow/Warsaw: In Which I Rob The Post Office Again

Long time readers of this blog- all two of them- will likely be acutely aware of phenomenon I have come to refer to as the 'first day curse'. For new readers- all none of them- this curse strikes, as you might expect, on the first day of my trip and, without exception, turns what should, for all intents and purposes, be the most exciting part of my journey into an unrelentingly shitty maelstrom of sadness and fuck. Be it getting dragged around a museum of the European Parliament while about six hours beyond my elastic limit of staying awake; getting turned away from my couchsurfing host's apartment for several hours, to fend off cold and blisters by a diminutive racist; accidentally committing a home invasion or just getting fucked time after time by bastard taxi drivers, who seem to make it their business to ruin my life, the FDC is ever-present and ever-shitty in this Vagrant life of mine.

But not this year. I was determined to swerve that bullshit however I could, this time; my journey to Warsaw, the first stop of this trip, had been planned to a tee; I had managed to finagle an honest-to-God lift to the airport with my very helpful mother, nearly entirely eliminating the possibility of missing my flight, which I seem to manage to do, each and every time I fly by myself and perhaps, most important of all, as detailed in my last entry, I had already basically had my FDC this year, with the absolute shit-show of a day I had had, trying to get my passport sorted. Surely the travel-gods would see this as enough penance to let me pass both unhindered and unfucked into Vagrancy, for once. Just once, travel-gods. Be cool. Jesus.

I woke up bright and early, or at least early, in my own lovely bed for what will be the last time for almost a month and quickly set about mopping up the remaining tasks on my to-do list for the trip, including- but not limited to- faffing around trying to get the export settings right on Adobe's Premier Pro for a video I had been working on (which, let me tell you, is a lot of fun to do under pressure and with a strict time-limit), general packing of way more things than I need and having a series of increasingly severe mini-breakdowns.

While my flight didn't leave until 7:30pm, I regardless found myself with little time to spare in my flat, due to my having an unavoidable dentist's appointment (whose office, those of you who read the previous entry will know, is located close to my parent's house and is therefore some distance from my flat) at two in the afternoon.

By some miracle, I finished my to-do list, or at least the most important items on it in reasonably good time, or at least in enough time to still make it to the appointment if I hurried and caught a bus to the train station and so bid my cat a remarkably brief, though no less tearful than usual farewell

I won’t miss you.

And was quickly on my way to have my teeth all messed about. Hurrah.

Trips to the dentist, I'm aware, aren't usually regarded as a particularly pleasant thing, regardless, but holy shit, was this ever not a pleasant trip to the dentist. The appointment lasted a full hour (fifteen minutes longer than was scheduled, which was very helpful on a day when time was so limited for me) and consisted almost entirely of having the inflamed pulp inside one of my teeth jabbed at with a needle, which uh, yeah, isn't too great, let me tell you. The little cherry on top of the bakewell tart of shit that had been my orthodontic experience was the anaesthetic injection in my gums: it seemed that I was to spend the rest of my day with my face entirely numb in, apparently, every part of it except the bits that hurt. I was also told to expect my tooth to ache like buggery during my flight. So that was a treat.

A bit shaken and now behind schedule, I left the dentist to return to my parent's house briefly to pick up my passport, check in for my impending flight and to put some music and podcasts on my phone so as not to be terribly bored for the rest of my evening.

Ryanair do a lot of shit wrong- Like a lot- but I've got to say that being able to check in and get my boarding pass on my phone is a nice touch, or at least one that just about finally brings them level with other, better airlines in literally just that one aspect. Or...at least it should have been...

I entered my details into the app, triumphantly pressed 'continue' with an uncharacteristic arrogance for someone dealing with anything to do with Ryanair and...an error occurred. For god's sake, Ryanair, pull your shit together. I pressed the button again, my confidence slightly dented, but still in tact. Error. Umm.

“Okay...” I thought, “so the app's not working. I suppose I can always go and physically print the passes like some fucking caveman”.

I loaded the Ryanair website, my confidence now all but entirely replaced with pure vexation and...it wasn't there. Not my boarding pass- the website. It was down for maintenance and apparently had been for some time- days in fact. Indeed with a quick Google, I learned that it was national (albeit quite tabloidy) news that this website was down. People physically couldn't check in for their flights and were being stung for £55 for it when they arrived at the airport because of it, while Ryanair, in an ostrichian level display of burying their heads in the sand were maintaining through all this that the website was up, running and fully functional despite clear empirical evidence to the contrary.

I checked my phone. I needed to leave; I still had to pick up a travel money card at the post office and get some food before I headed to the airport and had no more time to spare, angrily pressing 'continue' over and over again, sighing a little louder each time it didn't work.

My mother and I bundled ourselves and my luggage into her car and drove quickly to a nearby town. I darted off into the post office for my card and she into Morrisons to buy some very delicious food for me, which was very nice of her, even if I was in far too bad a mood to properly acknowledge it at the time.

I had realised, some time prior, that I had also managed to forget my gloves. Given that I'd be travelling to basically Russia in the winter and realising that historically that can go poorly, I was understandably a little worried about this. It came as a genuinely nice surprise then to find that the post office sold nice gloves at he very reasonable price of £1.50 a pair. I grabbed two sets (for layering purposes) and headed to the till. I obtained my travel money card fairly effortlessly (#humblebrag) and left with it and my gloves in hand. So to speak. Wait, shit- I had been so wrapped up in getting the card and dwelling on the unbelievable amount of garbage that had been slopped on top of me throughout the day that I had actually forgotten to pay for not one, but two pairs of gloves, thereby robbing the post office for the second time in a week. Charles Bronson got life for that so I'm lucky to have gotten away with it. Anyway, sorry post office. Again...

Travel money card, several pairs of stolen gloves and some very delicious food now obtained, my mother and I set off, finally, to Edinburgh airport. As we drove, I continued mashing the Ryanair app, desperately looking for signs of life, my already critically low optimism dwindling even further as I did. On the verge of giving up, the two hour cut off point for obtaining boarding passes looming within mere minutes, the app spluttered up all the water it had swallowed in that devastating surfing accident and took a deep, ragged breath. It wasn't much and being clinically dead for as long as it was, only to come back to life would clearly lead to massive brain damage, but that was all I needed to get my foot in the door and my grubby mitts on my boarding pass. I was overjoyed, though, and I've said this before of Easyjet, when you're made this happy by a service being offered simply working as advertised, that really does speak poorly of how high the bar is set for your company...

We ended up arriving at Edinburgh airport in genuinely quite good time, which was...surprising, considering how my day had been going, to say the least. My mother and I shared a tearful goodbye or I'm sure we at least would have done, if she wasn't so concerned about the cost of her stay in the drop-off zone going up the longer she stayed there and with a single punch on the arm in lieu of a hug, I was off.

I navigated the airport security with ease for once, with my bag and genitals left unfondled by surly old security guards and sat down in the duty-free costa with some time to spare. Despite having a bag of, and I really must stress this, like crazy delicious food with me, I decided to treat myself to a warm panini and a hot chocolate as due to a combination of needing to rush in the morning and having to wait after dental work in the afternoon, I hadn't yet eaten. As I chewed, using only the right side of my mouth, through my pigs-under-blanket panini and sipped my a-little-too-hot hot chocolate, I reflected. It seemed that the first day curse had regardless struck me once more, despite my best efforts to the contrary as, to be totally honest, I had had a pretty cack day. Still, at least I wasn't going to almost miss my flight, for once.

Oh, right, shit, my flight...

I looked at the time- the gate was closing. I'd spent too long reflecting like some genius prilosopher might... I pushed the rest of the panini into my already overstuffed mouth and forced it down with the remainder of my drink, burning my tongue quite badly in the process (probably considerably less like a genus philosopher might...) and sped off towards the gate. I don't know how I managed to get myself into this situation, but I now found myself in not insubstantial danger of missing my flight, despite having literally been inside the airport for the past hour and a half.

I approached my gate doing that kind of half-walk-half-trot thing that people do when they're in a hurry, but are still unwilling to go full-run.

“Are you going to Warsaw?!” a flight attendant, standing by the gate shouted to me, from some distance away

“Uh, yeah!” I replied, breathlessly.

Even as far apart as we were, I could tell that her face wore a look of mixed shock and pity

“...You'll have to hurry, then, they're getting ready to take off!”

I went full run. I charged through the gate and onto the plane as quickly as I could, stored my probably slightly too large bit of luggage in the overhead lockers (incidentally, being very, very late for a flight is a great way to get the attendants to conveniently forget to check the size of your bag) and sat down, sweating, dishevelled and manic to the demonstrable disappointment of my new seat-neighbour. I honestly don't blame him.

After an uncharacteristically pleasant flight, barring some minor air-pressure-related toothache, I was spat out into Warsaw Modlin airport and found myself almost immediately on a bus to the city centre. I'm not quite sure how I managed this, as by this point it was around 11:30 at night, I was still in pain, hadn't slept particularly well the previous night and was, by now, flagging badly, but I assume it was some kind of lovely witchcraft. Thanks, lovely witchcraft.

Once in Warsaw, proper, I quickly darted to the central station, which, through my very careful planning both my bus stop and hostel were adjacent to. Despite it pushing midnight, the station was still open and, although all I really wanted to do was go to bed, I thought it prudent to buy my ticket for tomorrow's early morning train journey to Belarus as soon as possible. I took my place in the queue, or at least what looked like a queue. The woman behind the counter appeared to be reading some kind of document on her computer; a strange thing to do, I thought, with a line of seven or so people, steadily climbing in number, waiting specifically for her attention. She continued to read this document and sip her coffee for the next forty minutes or so. It was dangerously close to 1:00am and I was dangerously close to putting the entire idea of getting a ticket before morning in a big flaming bin before she deigned to start actually doing her job and serving people again. Albeit slowly. I bumbled through buying my ticket in the most 'me' way possible (awkwardly, quietly and tinged with rage) and left for my hostel, head shaking in disbelief and body aching for sleep.

After a scant ten minute walk through the pervasively freezing Polish night, I had arrived. The door had been left ajar for me by the night-receptionist, who greeted me with a nod. I nodded back, somehow accidentally yanking the door closed in front of myself in the process. Great. Good start. I had managed to lock myself out of the hostel before even getting inside. With an audible sigh, even through the locked door, the receptionist forced herself out of her chair to re-open it for me. I apologised as I stepped inside. She started back at me blankly, apparently not speaking enough English to respond. She pointed to a clipboard sitting on her desk; on it were written the names of everyone checking in that night. I pointed to my own name and she led me to my room.

As she opened the door I was hit by an ungodly stench; a sickly sweet combination of feet, body odour and death. I wretched as quietly as my body would allow me to, unsure whether to tough it out and try to get used to the smell or just hold my breath all night.

The receptionist flicked the light on. An audible groan came from one of the bunks as the more irritable of my roommates was woken up by this. The receptionist pointed me to my bed and left. It was the bunk above the angry man. In a room of six beds, only three of which were occupied, including mine, it seemed that they had opted to put us as close to one another as we could physically fucking get, without sharing a bunk, which is honestly exactly what everyone wants in a hostel, anyway, so good show.

Not wanting to be 'that guy', I flicked the light off and, as quietly as I could, put my stuff away. I was hungry again, by this point and so decided to go and sit in the hostel's kitchen and eat some of my, as yet untouched, unbelievably delicious Morrisons swag. I grabbed my bag and headed out into the hostel's halls, quickly realising that there was no kitchen or indeed dining area of any kind. There was a toilet that stank perpeptually and very strongly of shit and a receptionist whose disdain for me seemed to only grow each time she laid eyes on me, but no kitchen. Unwilling to rustle sandwich containers and crisp packets on the top bunk of a sleeping man who genuinely may have hated me, I put the idea in a big flaming bin and opted to just go to bed, having eaten once and drank little more than a hot chocolate throughout the entire day.

I re-entered the bedroom as stealthily as possible, given the sleep I had had and realised all too quickly that the bed hadn't actually been made. They expected me to do that for myself, which, let's be totally honest here a) is among the last things I want to do when I'm exhausted and physically fatigued from travelling, b)is like super, super disruptive to the other people in the room and c) probably should already have been done before my arrival, right? I mean that's like hospitality 101.

With little recourse but to do it myself, though, I did just that. Shockingly, I did not manage to do it particularly quietly and even more shockingly than that, Mr. Angry didn't seem to appreciate my inability to noiselessly prepare my own bed at past-one-in-the-morning.

After some bumbling around with sheets, my bed was ready, or as ready as I could be bothered making it. I grabbed the ladder to my bunk and hoisted myself up onto it. The entire bed shook, unsecured bits of metal rattled against one another and the entire thing bent considerably on its axis. I don't know if you've seen the viral video of several hundred squeaky rubber chickens being pushed down on all at once, which made the rounds a year or two ago, but that was uncannily what it sounded like, except louder, deeper and sadder. I was one rung up the ladder.

Out of options, there was little I could do but push on- one thousand terrified chickens screaming in pain with every step, until finally I was in my bunk. The noise didn't abate, even then, ringing out, entirely undampened with every tiny movement I made, but at least the bed had stopped rocking back and forth like a tiny, shitty, uncomfortable boat.

Once actually in my bunk, the room's other issues began to make themselves apparent. While the bed did have barriers on the far side from the wall, these barriers were similarly flimsy to the rest of the structure and were so insignificant and strangely placed so as to do literally nothing to stop all my stuff falling off the bed during the night. The side of the bed pressed against the wall had no barriers whatsoever, instead opting for the 'sheer drop' approach, which obviously wouldn't have been an issue had it not been for the bed being positioned approximately a foot and a half away from the wall for absolutely no good reason. As it stood, it was fairly likely that my phone would fall off one side of the bed during the night and my body the other. My best efforts to counteract this came in the form of neatly folding my trousers and placing them under my pillow, with my phone nestled in the back pocket: in this way it was unlikely to be knocked to the floor in the night and I could still hear my alarm, even with earplugs in. And let me tell you, boy howdy did I ever need earplugs. Mr. Angry wasn't my only roommate- I was sharing with one other person as well. Actually, I say person, but I never did get a very good look at them and honestly, from the noises they were making during the night, you could have been forgiven for thinking that what I was actually bunking down with was a pig being butchered with a chainsaw. The noise was honestly inhuman; wet, droning slurps and gurgles emanated constantly from the far side of the room and cut straight to my core, regardless of how deep I pushed my lovely and usually very effective gummy earplugs into my terrible, broken brainbox. Combined with my squeaking chicken bed and that fucking smell, it was honestly a bit like going to sleep in an abattoir. An abattoir with no power outlets.

How's that for a Trip Advisor review?

#Travelling #vagrant #scotland #glasgow #edinburgh #ryanair #dentist #root canal #app #warsaw #poland #disaster #hostel #lux

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livingcorner · 4 years ago

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The Best Knife Sets on Amazon, According to Hyperenthusiastic Reviewers

Whether you’re a beginner in the kitchen or a more seasoned chef, a set of knives can make cooking at home a whole lot easier. And if you really want to save time and effort, rather than building your knife collection one-by-one, you can buy a knife set. The trick, of course, is finding one that’s filled with actually nice, sharp knives. That’s why we’ve scoured Amazon to find the best knife sets that are highly praised by the most enthusiastic reviewers. And if you’re looking for something a bit more specific, we’ve covered the best kitchen knives, the best chef’s knives, even the best knives for kids, too.

Related Articles: The 8 Knives A Butcher Uses In Her Kitchen | 13 Chef’s Knives, Vetted 13 Ways

You're reading: The Best Knife Sets on Amazon, According to Hyperenthusiastic Reviewers

More than 20,000 reviewers give this knife set five stars and many were happy to find both an affordable and attractive option, but most importantly sharp. This isn’t a self-sharpening knife block, but more than 400 reviewers liked set’s external sharpener. One reviewer thinks it’s “the best part. Most people assume a knife will keep its sharpness throughout its lifetime, but unfortunately, that’s not true. When the time comes for them to dull down a bit, I can sharpen them right back up.” One reviewer who has a “modern looking kitchen” appreciates that this set, which he calls high quality, matches his decor with its “nice acrylic space saving rack.” He also adds that the “knives are already incredibly sharp” but the knife sharpener will come in handy as he plans to use these knives a lot. “Still on the fence? Just go for it, make the plunge,” says another reviewer. He’s owned these knives for three months and hasn’t had to sharpen them yet.

Over 8,000 five-star reviewers were impressed with the quality (and price) of this 22-piece kitchen-knife set from Farberware — and dozens appreciate the additional cooking tools. “We purchased this item for our home just after we moved in as a starter set. We absolutely love it,” writes one such reviewer. “The knives stay sharp, the scissors are great for so many household things, and the measuring cups are perfect for all your cooking needs.” Plus, all the pieces are dishwasher-safe, so they say there’s “no rusting,” and it’s “all well-crafted.” Another reviewer replaced their old kitchen knives with these and says the set “looks great on my counter and the knives have sliced through everything I’ve used them on so far effortlessly.”

If you’re new to the kitchen, this is an ideal starter kit. At least one reviewer describes it as a “beginners set … For an adult who doesn’t do that much cooking and just needs something that will cut different things — watermelon, chicken, a steak with dinner — this is great.” The set of 14 blades is comprehensive enough without being too overwhelming, which another reviewer appreciates. “I live alone, so it has all of the essentials without taking up too much of my counter space,” they say. And though reviewers comment on the relatively inexpensive price of this set, they also say that they are quality. “The knife is sturdy and has a good weight when you hold it,” one says. “The blades are super sharp and cut cleanly and easily.” Maybe best of all is that unlike many of the sets on this list, reviewers say they have had no issue washing these in the dishwasher.

“If you’re a professional chef, these likely aren’t the knives you’re bringing to work. If, however, like me you’re prepping and cooking two to three meals a day for your family, these are an excellent option,” writes one reviewer. And part of what makes these knives ideal for a home cook is their weight. “If like me, you’re looking for a quality, domestic knife that is lighter, and will help you effortlessly glide you through meal prep several times a day, these are a great choice,” one user writes, and another says it’s a “good weight especially for arthritic hands.” They are very sharp knives, and many others shared their cautionary tales of accidentally nicking themselves. But that’s not a bad thing: “Every cut is like a hot butter knife through butter, and will be for a long time if you take care of them.”

The durability of this “supersharp and heavy” set shocked and impressed reviewers. According to one, “I found myself buying knife block sets regularly because nothing under $200 lasts these days, until I purchased these. They are nice and weighed. Great quality and long lasting if taken care of property (hand wash and dry, don’t put in dishwasher or you could rust them). I am very pleased with these,” he says. Another reviewer — a professional chef for almost 20 years — previously thought that “you don’t get quality in an inexpensive knife set. This AmazonBasics Premium set really impressed me … This here is a quality product at a good price. Treat them with respect and they will last for YEARS.”

Read more: What do you write on a kitchen tea card?

Reviewers were impressed by this relatively inexpensive set’s ability to hold up to to pricier sets. One professional chef says, “I use high quality (read: expensive) knives at work all day. My budget-conscious fiance surprised me with these for the home. Needless to say, I was skeptical … So I put them to the test against my Miyabis. Incredible. I was truly shocked at how well these worked!” Dozens of reviewers also praised the sharpness of the blades, with one saying that even after six months, “They’re still the sharpest knives I’ve ever had and I haven’t even had to sharpen them since I opened them.” Others praise the knives’ weight, which “helps each slice come through nice and clean (and didn’t squish the tomatoes down!).” People also like the included kitchen shears, which are both “very well made” and “fantastic.”

Nearly 9,000 five-star reviewers love the sturdiness of these stainless-steel-handled knives, which they say are easy to clean and incredibly durable. (The set also comes with two kitchen shears and a built-in knife sharpener.) One reviewer, who’s purchased many different sets of knives over the years, calls this “the best” one yet. “I really like that the whole knife is one complete piece. Knives I’ve had in the past are made with the handle being a separate piece and those would either get [water-damaged] or the handle would eventually crack or break off,” they explain, adding, “I would buy these again in a second!” Another reviewer also found their performance to be comparable to a nearly-$1,000 set. “My last roommate had a $900 set of knives … I thought these might be okay, but not even close to the expensive set I was used to using,” they explain. “Not so! These are very sharp stainless-steel knives,” with “no wooden handles to worry about breaking.”

More affordable than the 15-piece set above, this stainless-steel set also gets praise from reviewers for its sleek design, sharp knives, and included scissors and sharpener. “The set is amazing,” begins one reviewer, who says the knives are “SO sharp … and very lightweight, but the handle is sturdy enough to give you control while cutting everything from onions to steak.” Another says they’ve “had this set for several months now. One thing I love is it doesn’t take up a lot of room on my kitchen counter. The black color is nice, it doesn’t look cheap, and the knives and scissor are sharp.” A third reviewer says that the knives “cut with such precision,” but the set still looks “nice and stylish” in their kitchen.

Reviewers say this knife set’s wooden handles and block make it an exceptionally attractive addition to any countertop. “I’m really impressed with these knives. The wood is very attractive, and with a mineral-oil treatment it looks even better,” one such reviewer writes. “The blades are very sharp and slice through both vegetables and meats with ease. I hand-wash them and have had no problems with rusting at all.” Reviewers also appreciate the included carving fork and external knife sharpener — though several warn that you may not even need to use the latter. “Um, so everyone in the house now has a new scar from the first time using these knives and not expecting how they cut literally everything like butter,” one reviewer says, adding that they “peeled a damn watermelon with these like it was a kiwi.”

This more affordable set is considerably smaller than the brand’s 16-piece set above, but reviewers find it just as stylish and sharp. One reviewer, who says that they’re “pretty particular about chef knives” and “weren’t expecting much,” reports that they’ve since used all the knives in the set, and “enjoy the feel and balance. I would buy these again.” Another home chef purchased theirs as an upgrade “from the random assortment of cheap knives I bought in college,” and is glad they did. “The wood handles and solid feel overall make it easier on the wrists to cut food,” they say, adding that the knives are so good that they’re planning on returning a more-expensive set from Cuisinart that they received as a gift. And a third reviewer describes the knives as “surgically sharp and very comfortable to use,” adding that they “cut VERY well.”

“I am a total knife snob and these knives are THE BEST,” writes one reviewer, who says these knives “genuinely bring me joy on a daily basis.” He lost a $300 set during a move and “didn’t want to cough up” that much money again. After buying these a little reluctantly, he writes,”I can honestly say that at half the price these knives are just as good as the alternatives. The steel is high-quality, they hold their sharpness, they’re well balanced and comfortable to hold, plus I love the modern glass knife block.” There are benefits to that glass block, other than aesthetics. Another customer explains: “It makes more sense than any other knife storage I’ve seen. First, the blades aren’t resting on anything. Unlike traditional wooden blocks, it’s terrifically easy to clean. Just take the top rack off, unscrew the tops of the pillars and it comes apart.” He likes the knives themselves, too, calling them “the best knives” he’s ever owned. “The knives worked like magic. They are very sharp, but if you handle them with care, they do the work for you,” says. One thing to remember, “don’t put wet knives in” the stand warms another reviewer. “They’ll cloud the inside of the glass.”

This set, as one reviewer writes, is made up of “extremely sharp and professional grade knives.” Another discerning reviewer says, “I was looking for forged Zwilling blades, made in Germany. These feature ice-hardened, stamped blades. When blades are hardened in this manner they’re more durable and long-lasting than regular stamped blades. You’ll immediately notice that the blades stay sharper for longer and will hold their edge.” Another reviewer praised that “you can just feel how well they are put together.” Yet another satisfied customer raved that “the knives are lightweight, well balanced and the handles are ergonomically well designed for a very comfortable grip, helping to lessen fatigue if doing a lot of prep work. I was surprised by how light [but also] sturdy [they are] thanks to German steel and Henckels tempering process.”

Japanese-made Global knives are a longtime favorite among chefs, knife sellers, and even Strategist editors for their supersharp blades and lightweight, ergonomic handles. That may be why more than 200 Amazon reviewers give this three-piece knife set — which includes a 3.5-inch paring knife, a five-inch chef’s prep knife, and an eight-inch chef’s knife — five out of five stars. But you don’t have to be a well-seasoned chef to add them to your knife block. “I just now started cooking — more specifically for a Whole30 [diet] — which is a whole lot of fruit and vegetables,” one reviewer who swapped out their old kitchen knives for these ones writes. “This set is PERFECT!” They use all three “every single day,” and are “so thrilled with them. Things that were once hard to ‘saw’ through such as lemons and sweet potatoes are now like cutting butter.” Another reviewer likes them so much they even gifted a set to their co-worker. “I absolutely love my Global knives. They look and feel great in your hand. Slicing, dicing, cutting, and chopping are a breeze.”

This beginner-friendly set is “a perfect knife for anyone who wants to start cooking for themselves, but isn’t a pro and not ready to invest in one of those reality kitchen knives that cost $100 or more,” writes one reviewer. Many others agree. Like this one, who says, “If all your cooking for is one or two people, then you don’t need something that can slice through a tin can in two seconds anyway. That’s too much knife for too little a job. So, for the price, the Zyliss is probably the best value you can get for something that approaches a serious chef’s knife.” These knives are easy to use, too, reviewers say. “The light weight is nice and the shape of the handle keeps my hands from cramping when I’m chopping a large batch of sturdy veggies,” says one. “The chef knife style blade is deep enough that I don’t have to worry about smooshing my knuckles into the cutting board, either.”

If you prefer a knife set with sheath covers that are still made of stainless steel, reviewers praised this one highly. “These blades are great, the sheaths are sturdy and look great,” says one shopper. “The knives fill and kitchen related task you may have. The orange knife is personally my favorite, cuts through all kinds of things with no effort needed: bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, my thumb, this thing cuts through anything.” Reviewers also said the knives were could withstand dishwasher cycles. “I bought these a while back and they are still holding up great, even with daily use and running them through the dishwasher. Love them,” says one shopper. And one reviewer, who isn’t sure the knives are actually stainless-steel, writes, “I do know that I kept one of these knives in water in my sink for two days, yes, I am ashamed, LOL, and nothing rusted.”

Read more: How to Organize Your Kitchen Cabinets and Pantry

Reviewers have sliced through fruit, bread, “Havarti cheese with no problem,” even a case of water bottles (though that reviewer “cut not only through the plastic casing, but also one of the water bottles themselves without even realizing it.”) To put it simply, this set of six knives is sharp. Similar to the AmazonBasics set, these are also stainless steel with a colorful coating — but they are slightly less non-stick. Nonetheless, many reviewers say it does “a great job of not sticking to food while slicing.” Lots of reviewers like the matching sheaths, too, which both protects users’ fingers and the blades themselves. But these Farberware knives can still take a bit of a beating: One reviewer has “spent a fortune over the years on beautiful, sharp knives” keeps coming back to these, because, “They are sharp and I abuse them, throw them in the dishwasher, and hack away.”

“Sharpest knife I’ve ever had in my house,” says one reviewer. “Cuts great and the ceramic coating makes sure nothing sticks to them, which makes them easy to clean.” Many other reviewers like the ceramic coating on these stainless-steel blades. “This was my first set of ceramic coated knives,” says one. “I will never go back to regular steel. These are great.” Others love the colors. “These knives have gorgeous colors, and they WORK,” one says, admitting their old roommate influenced them to get this set. “I was thrilled to see this set because I actually like these colors more personally. The sheaths are a wonderful addition to keep them sharp but I particularly like them because our knife drawer is just that much safer to reach into in a hurry.” Another reviewer says, “The color is so nice. It doesn’t peel and it’s so great to be able to identify my utensils among all my roommate’s stuff!”

Parents with little helpers in the kitchen love these kid-safe knives. They are plastic, so they are little finger-proof but strong enough to actually be effective. “They cut surprisingly well, through fruits like apples and pears, through shea butter, cocoa butter, bread, and other things,” one parent says. Another writes, “Don’t expect a fine chop or slice, of course, but kids can definitely help rough chop veggies and protein.” And while one parent said there is a bit of learning curve for kids, they eventually get the hang of it. “Took the kids two or three times of me really getting in there to teach them how to use and hold the knives and food, but they’re cutting their own strawberries pretty proficiently now after a couple weeks of practice,” they say. Kids as young as two can even do it according to one reviewer: “My 2-year-old cut her bananas and her strawberries without any issues. My 4-year-old cuts up fruit and sandwiches.” And while the consensus is these knives are kid-safe, many parents still suggest some supervision when using them.

Shoppers looking for something more portable than a knife block said this roll set was a “game changer.” One shopper praised the bag for its “heavy canvas” material, and another says they were “impressed by how much it holds.” A third reviewer, who brings this on his bike commute to his job at a restaurant, writes, “I’ve been in the food industry for more than ten years. This knife roll is awesome and for a very affordable price. You can fit all this and a bit more if you organize it … for this price and quality it can’t be beaten.” But even just parents who like to cook will appreciate this space-saving option: One reviewer reports that after giving this roll set to his dad, “ He cried with a smile I haven’t seen on his face in a very long time when he opened the roll and began looking at and handling each knife. Highly recommend.”

The Strategist is designed to surface the most useful, expert recommendations for things to buy across the vast e-commerce landscape. Some of our latest conquests include the best women’s jeans, rolling luggage, pillows for side sleepers, ultra-flattering pants, and bath towels. We update links when possible, but note that deals can expire and all prices are subject to change.

Every editorial product is independently selected. If you buy something through our links, New York may earn an affiliate commission. The Best Knife Sets on Amazon, According to Reviewers

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Kitchen

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