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werejusttouchingeachother · 5 years ago

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PARIS 2017 [September 29th, 12:47AM]

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 T/W: mild cursing? Words: 4579

“Have you been here before?”

Baekhyun’s voice sounds clearer in the cool Parisian night, clearer than you’d heard it before. Maybe it’s because it’s the first time you’re actually paying attention solely to the man beside you and just allowing your feet to carry you mindlessly around the city whose streets had been committed to memory but his words sound crisp and melodic.

You’d always liked his voice. Although you listened to EXO’s songs a lot and maybe had a slight liking towards Sehun—he was cute and you loved his husky but smooth raps—you’d always appreciated Baekhyun’s vocals, especially the bridges with his high-notes.

However, you never expected to hear this voice so close.

And especially not to moan in your ear in a dark room as he laid on top of you.

Your brain momentarily crashed like the pages of an internet browser as the memory of what happened earlier today resurfaced and you cleared your throat involuntarily, realising simultaneously that he was waiting for you answer.

Shit. What had he asked? Oh, right, if you’ve been here before.

“What, Paris?” You asked, looking around for the first time since you stepped out of the hotel and nodding. “Yeah, quite a bit. It is the fashion central, after all. Even before the boutique, I used to visit to research and learn. I was an apprentice here for a while.”

“Did you study designing then?” Baekhyun asked curiously, moving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

You hesitate, not knowing what exactly to say and how much of it you could say. Several veteran designers in the industry still considered you a ‘rookie’ and a ‘newbie’ but you’d been around for more than a couple of years and it was enough to have several interviewers ask you the same question that Baekhyun had just asked and still have you momentarily pause the exact same way.

Baekhyun shoots you a glance at your silence and you clear your throat again, answering, “Not... exactly. My parents weren't exactly supportive of me so I was forced to attend medical school. I’d been failing because I busied myself with a lot of work on the side to make money so I could drop out and pursue what I actually wanted.”

You’re regretting the words as soon as they’ve left your mouth, already wondering if you’ve said too much. Especially since this was your first actual conversation and a small teeny tiny part of you didn’t want it to be the last which is why you were worried if you’d scared him away already with your sob story of how you went from rags to… well, designer.

Baekhyun nods, his eyebrows furrowed more in an expression of concern rather than awkwardness at hearing something quite personal as he slowly says, “I guess it worked then?”

You laugh at his hopeful tone, replying, “In the most chaotic way, yeah, I think so. The medical school kicked me out because of my grades and low attendance and that lead to my parents kicking me out of the house so I just took all the money I had and worked multiple jobs that would all help me pay to reach my goal and as hellish as that was, it worked out in the end.”

You trail off and notice that Baekhyun is staring at you intently. You can see the question in his eyes, the question that he's hesitant to ask but you cheerfully brush it off, forcing yourself to sound happier as you continue, "But hey, I’m in Paris right now and I’m wearing clothes that I created and so is that man over there.”

Baekhyun doesn’t look away from your face even when you point at the gentleman across the street who is sporting a jacket from your last year’s fall collection. You smile slightly, still feeling your heart swell up with pride at the sight despite it being a common occurrence now due to your brand’s popularity and you mumble, “I have a boutique three blocks away from here—in Paris—and I just finished my own runway—again, in Paris—so, I guess it’s not all bad.”

He smiles, his cheeks puffing slightly as he nods in agreement. “Fruits of success. It’s worth it.”

You can feel him hesitate as he starts to ask something but you cut him off again before he can even ask it by questioning, “What about you? Idol life is treating you well, I suppose, since you can branch out and explore designing now?”

His smile turned wry at that, broad shoulders raising slightly in a half-shrug. “I mean, I guess so. I’ve always been interested in fashion so this is a great opportunity. I’m honestly pretty excited for it.”

You grin genuinely at that, unable to stop yourself at how adorable he looked when he said that, his eyes becoming little crescent moons at how he smiles. “I’m excited for you too, Baekhyun.”

He raises an eyebrow at that, looking like he didn’t believe you in the slightest. “Oh really?”

“What’s that tone supposed to mean?” You ask defensively, stopping to look at him. “I am!”

“Even after everything I said?” Baekhyun turns to face you completely, brown eyes focused on yours. As much as you loved the grey lenses from the show earlier, you found that you could breathe easier when these were gazing at you.

“You apologised,” you rolled your eyes. “I've let it go so why haven't you?”

“Cause I feel like you haven't and you're just pretending," he replies wryly. At your incredulous look, he scoffs, “Oh, come on. You and I both know that you’ve been holding what I said against me all this time.”

He pauses before he suddenly smirks, eyes glinting in a way that has you apprehending what he’s going to say next before he even says it. "Well. At least, you were until you were literally up against me—”

“Hey!” You shout, pointing to an area behind Baekhyun where you could see a bright red board. “Does that board read ‘Little Seoul’? Oh my god, THAT’S TTEOKBOKKI!”

You don’t wait for him to turn as you run past him, certain that your entire face was flushed brighter than the board that you were running to. You hurriedly skipped down the few brick steps and approached the small stall with the petite brunette who smiled welcomingly at you.

“Hello,” you greeted politely, smiling at her and trying to calm your pounding heart. The woman’s gaze riveted behind you and you stilled slightly, quickly pointing to the tteokbokki.

“Do you want one?” You asked Baekhyun without looking at him, feeling his arm brush against yours as he stood beside you.

“Sure,” he chuckled softly, his tone filled with amusement. You peer at the menu board on the side of the truck with faked interest in an attempt to avoid talking to him and even without glancing at him, you knew he was gazing at you with that teasing lilt to his lips that had taken an almost permanent place on his face when around you.

You take the two small plates that she hands to you, the bottom warm and comforting against your cool palm as you give one to Baekhyun.

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve had this,” you mutter as you bite into the saucy rice cake. You make a sound of happiness at that back of your throat as the spiciness hits your tongue, bursting with flavour. He hasn’t bitten into his yet, your words causing him to furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he asks, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been craving tteokbokki for almost a month now,” you explain, licking the sauce off your lips as you chew it happily, loving the fat spongy texture and swallowing before continuing, “Either I never have time to go out to have it myself or when I do, it’s late and the Korean restaurants are closed.”

Like now.

You frown in realisation and glance up at the smiling woman as you switch to French and ask, “How long are you open?”

She pauses for a moment, as if not expecting you to speak French and quickly replies, making your eyes widen as you glanced down at the street.

“She said that there was a Korean food fest going on over here,” you translate, looking around and seeing a few food trucks at the farthest end of the street although they were closed. “Apparently today was the last day and this is open only for a couple more hours. I guess that makes us pretty lucky, huh?”

You turn to him and notice him staring at you. “What?” You ask.

“You know French?” Baekhyun asks, his tteokbokki untouched.

“Oh. I mean,” you shrugged nonchalantly. “Kind of, I guess? I’ve been here for a while so I know the basics. Enough to get by but not fluent, though.”

“Something is better than nothing,” he mutters, grabbing the chopsticks and finally digging into the food.

You stare at him, confused about his tone and just start to ask him about it when he raises his head and looks at you. "So? What's the deal? Missing Korean food?”

You nod, swallowing what’s in your mouth to answer him. “It’s been a while since I've been back in Korea so yeah, I haven’t eaten it for a long time. You know what I miss most? This. Street food open at 3AM. Drinking soju in public without being fined for it."

"Wi-Fi,” Baekhyun interjects drily and you groan in agreement, nodding profusely.

“Why don’t you come back then?” He asks curiously, biting into the rice cake. “A vacation couldn’t hurt, right?”

You don’t respond, taking time to slowly eat the tteokbokki as you stall answering his question but he doesn’t catch on as he prods further, “Wait, Korea wasn’t mentioned in your website. Do you have an outlet there?”

You shake your head, still chewing and he continues, “You should! It’s a shame that you don’t have it there yet.”

You stay silent as you figure out what to reply, wondering what to filter out and Baekhyun catches the shift in the atmosphere as he lowers the plate, turning to face you more fully, waiting silently for you to answer.

Hesitating, you finally say lowly, “I have a lot of bad memories in Korea. Whether it was home or school or just… my parents.”

You trail off quietly towards the end, swallowing the words that were threatening to leave your mouth: ‘Korea suffocates me. I can never stay too long there without being reminded of my bedroom where I was locked for days, forced to look at anatomical charts and medical textbooks. How my only happiness when growing up was looking up at the sky and imagining skyscrapers and the Eiffel tower—how that helped me breathe better but then I’d blink and see cherry blossoms and I’d feel suffocated again.’

You don’t realise you were spaced out and just staring down at your plate until you felt sauce smear on your lips. You raised your head to see Baekhyun holding out a tteokbokki slice on his chopstick in front of your mouth, nodding at you to eat it. You blink, shaking yourself out of your slight trance and wrap your lips around the bit that he fed you, chewing it with a small smile.

“You know,” he says, pulling his chopstick back to his own plate as he thinks. “That’s more of a reason to start one. You should flaunt your success. Prove that it wasn’t such a bad decision to follow your own dreams, after all.”

“Yeah, maybe,” you mutter softly, thinking about what he said. The atmosphere is slightly terse with the shift in conversation and you want to kick yourself in the face for bringing up your shitty past and ruining the mood when Baekhyun suddenly starts talking about how the tteokbokki tastes surprisingly better than the ones he had in Korea. He then tells you how he usually refrains from eating so late into the night—or technically, morning—since it makes his face bloat and he even puffs his cheeks to demonstrate to you exactly how bad it can get but you’re giggling at how round and mochi his face is, teasing him about how it isn’t that bad of a look and that he looks almost like a chipmunk stuffing his cheeks for the winter.

Even though you would never openly admit it, after that breakfast buffet at the hotel, you’d went back to your room and searched up a lot on Byun Baekhyun. Unsurprisingly, everything that the internet gave you was information on EXO’s Baekhyun and even though you forcefully suppressed smiling and laughing at his silly antics and contagious smile in almost every interview—he wasn’t called the crackhead clown of the group for nothing—you had wondered whether it was just an image created by the agency, or just a persona he maintained in front of the cameras.

Strolling with Baekhyun on this chilly night in the streets of Paris, however, had quickly opened your eyes to how wrong your assumption was. He was the easiest person to hold a conversation with, someone who surprised you with how hard he got you laughing and who never gave your thoughts a chance to be led astray. The whole time that you’d spent dressing at the hotel, you were worried about how the night would go—whether it’d be awkward, whether you two would just end up arguing again, whether you would regret agreeing to go out with him, whether Seoyeon’s warning would end up scaring you into overthinking and chickening out before you could wander very far.

But you’d been pleasantly surprised by how the night was going.

In fact, you lost track of time.

And despite living a hectic life where that was a common occurrence, never had time been lost while strolling leisurely across the streets of your most favourite city in the entire world.

Perhaps one of the most magical things about Paris was the way the city seemed to change at night, an almost magical mist entering the air as the lights began to sparkle brighter—making you feel similar to the way that you did when you drank too much French wine, almost deliriously gleeful. Your heart raced every time you looked up, never tiring of seeing the beautiful skyline as you breathed in the cool air. Paris always made you feel the same way you did when you’d first seen it, immortal in its immaculate beauty, in the way that it made you feel like no time had passed since that first breath you took of the city. Even the most cynical person would begin to hope here, would feel the tug in their heartstrings.

It was the city of love and even if one didn’t find someone under these skies, they would leave while unknowingly carrying a piece of Paris in their heart.

You lead Baekhyun to the Eiffel tower, watched his eyes sparkle with the reflection of the lights shining brightly in the night as the two of you stood at a distance with a perfect view—one that wasn’t too crowded by tourists. He didn’t stop talking then either, exclaiming, “Wah, it’s really so pretty,” over and over again until you were rolling your eyes, grabbing him by his sleeve as you tugged him down 31st Avenue, along the alleys that the other tourist guides wouldn’t ever care to show but were your personal favourites—you excitedly babbled about the history and architecture of the pretty bricked-road streets, talking about how you’d wandered aimlessly for months as an apprentice when you first came to Paris with hardly any money and just a head full of dreams.

Baekhyun is keenly paying attention, his dark eyes always on you and a little smile on his face as he watches you almost stumble over your words in your rush to tell him everything about the quirky vintage stores that had the cutest tees, recommending him to visit it during the day when it’s open and that he could use it as inspiration. He’s quick to grab your waist and pull you aside when someone speeds past you on their cycle in that narrow alley, his hand lingering a little longer than necessary as he gazes down at you before letting go.

Now you’re sitting on the roof of a building that faced the Seine, both your legs hanging off the edge and you’d expected Baekhyun to be more concerned about the fact that you’d taken him to a restricted area that definitely wasn’t for loitering around and could definitely get the two of you in trouble if the security caught you but he’s only too content to follow your lead and sit beside you to listen as you pointed out your favourite fancy restaurant, your favourite café, the corner where your favourite street performers—Lucetta, who played the guitar and her brother Noah who sang along with it every Saturday and Sunday night.

You learn things about him that you didn’t read off the internet: Baekhyun tells you how he misses his members whenever he’s out doing a solo project or promotion, how passionate he’s been about singing from when he was a child, how much he loves and misses his mom who still babies him especially since they don’t meet as frequently as they’d like to, how Europe always makes his heart ache because of all the people walking their dogs which reminds him of Mongryong, how he hates it when anyone feels left out and how he gets easily concerned over people.

“Like you, tonight,” Baekhyun cites as an example. “I’m actually surprised you’re still… upright. Especially when all you’ve had tonight is, what, coffee from the morning and that tteokbokki?”

You nod sheepishly and he shakes his head at you. “You really shouldn’t do something like that. It’s really bad for your health. You work with models every day, shouldn’t you be setting better examples?”

“I know, I know,” you respond weakly, sighing as you pick at the hem of your shirt. “I’ll… eat better.”

“And I should believe you, why?” His tone is slightly mocking and you can’t help yourself as you turn to him a small grin of your own, muttering, “Well, because of the two of us, I’m the one who doesn’t lie to people’s faces.”

Baekhyun groaned loudly, smacking his palm tiredly over his face as he says, “I’m going to jump, I swear I am—or I should just push you off.”

You’re laughing at his tone as his hand comes to your arm playfully, threatening to push you off and you place your hand over his to shove him off instead but his hand loosens around your arm, fingers splaying beneath your own. Your eyes are immediately on your hand hovering over his, reminding you of the power room with the switches.

You feel the blood rush to your cheeks with the sudden thought and your body stills in a way that you’re certain he noticed. You’re not even sure if you’re breathing as you feel his slender fingers on your arm, his touch searing into your skin even through the thick fabric of your jacket.

You slowly lift your eyes from his hand to his face only to realise that he’s already gazing at you.

It’s the same gaze. The one from the power room, the one from the hallway at the hotel, the one he gave you in your room, the one he gave you as you bought tteokbokki.

You can’t believe you were such a fool to think his natural chocolate eyes were less lethal than the grey lenses from the fashion show—not with this gaze.

And you were willing to bet that his eyes could be any colour under the damn sun but that gaze would still get you in trouble, regardless.

You can feel his warm breath hit your mouth, his pouty lips parted in a way that made it quite difficult to look away from them. The warmth and the electricity in the air crackling around you was such a contrast to the chilly breeze and you didn’t realise that the both of you had been leaning in until the tip of his nose met yours halfway.

A loud horn blares through the air suddenly, startling both of you.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, your heart in your throat as you whip your head around to see a familiar boat on the Seine approaching the shore. You can faintly feel his lips on your cheek, having met with it by your sudden movement. It’s the softest, gentlest butterfly touch and you’re not even sure if you only imagined it. You definitely feel Baekhyun’s sigh against your face as he turns to follow your gaze but your eyebrows are furrowed as you stare at the familiar boat.

“Wait, is that…,” You trail off as you try to read the name but you already know that it’s Gemini from the red and blue colours.

And Gemini reaches shore at…

You hurriedly pull your phone out from your jacket and your eyes widen as you loudly exclaim, “Oh my God, its 4AM!”

Baekhyun doesn’t seem too bothered, staring at the approaching boat with a distant look in his eyes, lost in thought. You stand up and tug his shoulder to pull him up, Baekhyun slowly following your lead with a sigh.

“You have a schedule, you know,” you remind him as you quietly climb over the chain barriers that signalled the rooftop as a restricted area.

“Yeah, so do you,” Baekhyun retorted childishly, making you roll your eyes with a smile at his tone as the two of you hurriedly walk out of the building and sneakily stride past the sleeping security.

You both stand on the pavement, facing the main road as you pat your coat down for your wallet. With a growing trepidation, you glance over at Baekhyun and give him a nervous smile. He raises an eyebrow in question and you ask, “You don’t happen to have any money on you, do you?”

His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he searches his own pockets, muttering curses when he came up empty.

“I thought you could afford meals for both of us,” you said wryly and his eyes widened as he held his hands out.

“I can!” He exclaimed. “I left my wallet back at the hotel. Shit. Wait. Who paid for the tteokbokki?”

“Me,” you replied, checking your phone. “I just had a few euros in my pocket, I forgot to take my wallet too.”

“I’m so sorry, I’ll pay you back at—”

“Don’t be stupid, you’ll do no such thing—wait,” you muttered as you scrolled through your contacts. “I guess we were both so excited that we just forgot to take money for dinner or even have the dinner.”

“Oh. You’re right. Do you want to have dinner?”

“What? No. Its 4AM, you have a schedule, are you not listening to me? Also, we have no money.”

Baekhyun blinks, glancing around. “How far are we from the hotel?”

“About two hours away, walking distance,” you say, giving him a guilty smile when his wide eyes turn to you. You raise your phone at him, trying to reassure him as you exclaim, “Its fine! Don’t worry, I’ll just call Seoyeon and ask her to pick us up.”

Baekhyun’s shoulders tense at that. You’re checking your phone as he repeats, “Seoyeon? Your assistant?”

“The short green-haired girl who is always with me,” you nod, giving him a small smile. “She’s more than an assistant, actually—she’s more like family. We met when I came here as an apprentice and she was studying at a business school. We became really close and she just decided that she wanted to help create my empire alongside me. She’s seen me at my worst and helped me reach my best so yeah, definitely more than just an assistant.”

Baekhyun stayed silent as you sent her texts asking if she was asleep before finally asking, “Wouldn’t she be mad if you called her so late?”

“Not really, its fine, we just planned to get brunch tomorrow so maybe we could postpone it and—”

“Not that,” Baekhyun interrupts. “Wouldn’t she be mad that you didn’t listen to her?”

You stop, your finger freezing over the call icon on her contact. You raised your head, staring at him in confusion.

He couldn't possibly...

“I kind of overheard your conversation in your dressing room,” Baekhyun confesses softly, eyes carefully watching your reaction.

Oh god, he did he did he did.

Your eyes are wide with the growing panic and Baekhyun immediately raises his hands in an effort to either reassure you or defend himself, you weren’t sure. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, I wasn't eavesdropping. I came by to talk to you and then I heard her say my name and I just... happened to hear. Yeah.”

You’re quiet, scrambling for a response, wondering how much he heard as he says, “She’s not wrong, you know?”

You raise your eyebrow at his words, pausing before you ask, “What do you mean?”

“Everything she said. You getting hurt. The risks and all of it.” He hesitated before continuing, “After the power room, I was going to apologise and ask you out to dinner anyway. Then, I heard this conversation and I thought against it. I thought it was best to leave. But… but something wouldn’t let me. I wanted to ask you. And I decided that if you refused or came up with a stupid excuse or even just bluntly denied, I would stop. I wouldn’t approach you at all after that, I’d tell Hyungnim I got your help and return to Korea tomorrow on the first flight back without ever crossing paths again. But then at the hotel, you... you hesitated too. You wanted to refuse me, I could see it in your eyes but something stopped you too. So here we are.”

You’re at a loss for words as you stare at him, taken aback what he just said. You don’t know what to make of what he had just revealed but all you can focus on is the incredible sense of relief rushing through you at the realisation that it wasn’t just you who felt this way—the uncertainty, the fear of regretting this, the fear of making a mistake.

The two of you are silent as you stare at each other, the cold Parisian wind blowing hard around you and filling the silence between you.

Your voice is husky as you ask, “What does this mean then? This. Us.”

“I think I just wanted to see where the night would go.”

“So did I.” You hesitate. “What do you think?”

“I think... I think that I want more nights like these. Or mornings. See where those go too. I don't want to go back.” Baekhyun pauses before he smiles. “Also I kind of really do need your help with Privé, I don’t know what I'm doing anymore and Hyungnim said I can't release something completely monochrome.”

You laugh, shaking your head as you press ‘call’ and hold the phone up to your ear, saying, “Screw Hyungnim, if you want monochrome, we’ll do monochrome.”

#bbh-net #exosnet #exo fic #mshm baekfic #baekhyun fanfic #exo baekhyun #byun baekhyun #fluff #romance #smut #angst #idol!au #chapter 4 #mshm 4 #paris #that's it for today #will update masterlist in a bit

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luvknow · 6 years ago

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not so bad | lee minho

genre: lee minho x fem!reader | friends-to-lovers ; roommates ; college au ; swearing ; alcohol consumption

summary: falling for your best friend isn’t the most ideal situation, but it’s not as bad as you think

wc: 13.7k

For most people, living with your best friend sounded like the most ideal situation - the absolute best and only option. Most people couldn’t even begin to think about living with anyone else. Think about it; endless nights staying up watching some shitty Netflix live-action adaptation of an anime, eating Chinese take-out on lazy Sunday evenings, going grocery shopping together? The list of things to do together was infinite! Who else would anyone want to do all the boring domestic stuff with other than their best friend?

But you, on the other hand, would rather be homeless.

“Wo~ow,” Minho scoffed when you rejected his generous offer.

The two of you sat in his newly-furnished, but still a bit empty, living room to take a break from unpacking and arranging all of his junk. About a month before the new semester started, Minho’s rich-ass uncle so graciously offered him one of his several houses just a couple bus stops away from campus. As long as Minho kept the place clean and maybe got a roommate or two to help pay the mortgage, then he was free to stay until he graduated. Of course, you were the first person he asked because the above statements spent with you sounded like so much fun.

Too bad you’re cold and heartless and wanted him to die alone.

“Why don’t you want to move in?” his asked, cheeks filled with lo mein. “Didn’t you just say you hated living at your place?”

“I didn’t say I hate it… I just hate that she brings a different guy over every other day.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. It sounds like normal roommate shit. It’s better than her being a slob, isn’t it?”

“I guess, but when it’s 2:00 am and I can hear EVERYTHING through the walls, I want to jump off the balcony.”

“Not everything.”

“I mean it, Minho. Everything.”

“Damn, invite me over next time.” You chuck a piece of your half-eaten fortune cookie and it hit him right on his bare forehead leaving a tiny scratch mark. “Ow! What was that for!?”

“Stop being weird!”

“If you hate hearing all that gross stuff all of the time, isn’t that all the more reason for you to come live with me?”

“No, because you’ll literally do the same thing!”

“Ok, you have way too much faith in me to think I’m going to bring someone home that often.”

“Hm, I do, don’t I…”

“C’mon, cheap rent, cool aesthetics, good company - what’s actually holding you back? Are you afraid you’ll fall in love with me?”

Minho held a single chopstick between his big bunny teeth and did that weird little smirk and wiggly brow combo that somehow caught the hearts too many girls back in your high school days. To this day, you were one of the lucky few who didn’t fall under his spell. The sriracha sauce stains on his cheek made him look EXTRA sexy.

“Why in the world would living with you mean I’d fall in love with you?” you asked, shoving a napkin to his cheek.

“Don’t girls like that corny domestic lifestyle shit? Coexisting in the same space, mutual seemingly-platonic hugs and cuddles, cooking together, and all that jazz?”

“You’re not even into all that jazzy stuff!”

“I like to cook!”

“And then what, I’m left with the dishes? I’ll be falling head over heels for you in no time.”

“That’s how mutualism works, silly! We each benefit from each other’s skills! Symbiosis, or whatever.”

A giggle left your lips from his expanded vocabulary. Who knew he knew so many words with more than two syllables?

“Those are some complicated words. I take it you like Biology 101?” you asked.

“I do! It’s super cool! Did you know in most species, the male is known to be the more colorful and prettier one and not the females? And the males compete with each other and the females are the ones choosing the prettiest, strongest male?”

“I did not know that.”

“Well, it’s true. It’s called sexual selection - it’s like peacocking.”

“Sounds like some shit you do with all your name brands and stuff.”

“Please, like other guys could even compare to my train of feathers.”

In the end, after days flowed into weeks of begging you to come live with him in what he called his playboy penthouse, he reluctantly accepted your rejection and was off to beg one of his other friends because there was no way in hell could he afford this place alone. Though ideally Minho wanted to be roommates, having you visit often was close enough. It’s just… asking you to move in with him was not about helping him with rent in the least. He truly, genuinely wanted to do dumb domestic chores, bicker all day, and have those deep, late-night talks with you whenever he could. Wouldn’t it be so fun if he annoyed you and followed you around every waking minute of the day?

Doing all of those things to half the extent would be just enough for now. His favorite activities with you were anything involving food. Even grocery shopping, normally one of his least favorite and most stressful chores by himself, was tolerable with you around because you knew just the right cuts of meat and what ingredients were needed for the perfect meal.

“Why did you pick so many vegetables? I’m not a rabbit…” the seemingly twelve year old next to you pouted. Like an angsty teenager, he used the cart as a means of support and followed closely behind with a pout on his lips as you dumped vegetable after vegetable into the cart.

“You kind of look like one, though.”

“Are you callin’ me cute?”

“I’m calling you a nuisance.”

“A cute nuisance, right?”

“Oh, my God, you’re so annoying.”

But soon the semester would start and your day would no longer be spent with him, it’d be spent at the library either studying or tutoring the dumb freshmen. Before you ask, yes, he was jealous of all the other people who took up your time and yes, he’s very clingy. You could see where Soonie, Doongie, and Dori all got their bad habits from. Normally, with any other guy including some long-term boyfriend, you’d be tired and annoyed if they were anything like Minho. But only the real Minho could get away with texting you so often and wondering why you weren’t baking brownies with him at ten at night.

Things weren’t easy on your end, either. You barely had time for yourself and it was only the first round of midterms for the semester! All you ever did these days was wake up, eat, school, eat some more if and ONLY IF you had time, and finally sleep… sometimes. This routine included the weekends, too. You offered for Minho to join you in the library for a study sesh nearly every day, but he’d rather die than sit in germ-infested chairs that are never sanitized, so yeah, you don’t get to see him face-to-face very often anymore. Facetime and Skype would have to do for now.

But then all that lost time started to catch up with you. You’d often come home late, especially if you knew your roommate had someone over to do their thang, and before you could flop on your couch to take a breather, it was completely missing from the living room because your roommate packed up all of her shit and left! Without even telling you! How rude, right!? Until you found a note on the coffee table that said, ‘I moved out today! Sorry if this is such short notice… You haven’t been home the past couple of weeks for me to tell you in person and I didn’t want to break it to you in text…’

Ok, so you wouldn’t say you were totally not at fault for this considering she was considerate enough to want to tell you about moving out in person, but didn’t she think to at least text you like… a couple of days before she did it!? Your lease was supposed to renew tomorrow, but now there wasn’t enough time to find a last-minute roomie on the college forum-version of craigslist and you didn’t make enough money to pay for the rent solo, so now you were almost homeless.

So that’s how you ended up in front of Minho’s place at half-past midnight on the dot with your big stuffed bear in your arms and a cheeky, adoring smile on your guilty-written face. You must have woken him up because his fluffy hair was sticking up in all directions, his eyes were barely open, and… he was shirtless…

“I’m not interested in your Girl Scout Cookies,” he mumbled tiredly.

“I wish I was selling those, then maybe I wouldn’t be here…”

“What do you mean?”

“Guess who wants to be your roommate ~!” you sang cheerfully.

“No.”

“Wha-? Why not!?”

“I already have one.”

“Who!?”

“Changbin,” he said, shooting his thumb to the small lazy boy lounging on the couch. Wasn’t he rich as fuck also? What does he need to live here for?

“‘Sup,” Changbin greeted, unable to look away from the television.

“Don’t you have one more room in this place? I’ll even sleep in a closet if I have to,” you pouted tiredly. You were ready to ring in the water works if you had to because if Minho rejected you one more time, your tears were ready to flow.

“Whoa, you’re that desperate, huh? What happened?”

“Roommate moved out, I couldn’t find another one, cried and contemplated life for a little bit, and now I’m here.”

“Damn, that is pretty bad…”

“Yeah, so as you can see, I really need you right now.”

Minho knew you were never one to rely on people, no matter how close you two were. For as long as he could remember, you always did everything on your own. So for you to say that you needed him, you must have really meant it. Your words were soft and quiet, your gaze set on the porch you stood on, and of all things he hated, seeing you so upset and stressed like this was among his top five on the list. How could he turn you away when this was a time you needed him the most? He knew if he were in your position, you’d welcome him in without hesitation.

You sighed tiredly, pushing your pride aside to ask a friend a favor. “So could you spare another roommate? Just until I can get back on my feet again?”

“Hm…” Minho fake-contemplated, rubbing his scruffy chin. “You know, normally I would never do this, but since you’re my friend, I GUESS I could let you stay here until you’re set.”

“If it’s too much trouble, or if you don’t want me here, I can go -”

“No! You’ll stay here with me for as long as you’d like.” A half-naked but jolly Minho smothered you in a bone-crushing hug. Even though touching so much surface area of his skin made you cringe, his hug made you feel more at home than your apartment could ever make you feel.

“Don’t ever assume I don’t want you here, dumbass. I’ll always welcome you with my open, naked, buff arms.”

“Ugh, this is so gross.” Regardless, you returned his hug with equal force. You never felt safer. “Thank you. I seriously owe you one.”

“Anything for my girl. Where’s all your stuff?”

“Yeah, that sounded more like a tomorrow problem, but I came here tonight because I was lonely.”

“Ha ha, you miss me ~”

“Just a little.”

“Since you’re already here, just stay the night. We can order food and start our big, happy, poly-domestic partnership right now.”

“For the love of God, please do not say that aloud in public…”

“No promises.”

Minho dragged you into the only other bedroom that wasn’t occupied and you’re pretty sure it was just as big as your living room. It was pretty much furnished with all of the basics, so you’re lucky that you won’t have to bring too many heavy things in the morning. As you were admiring the room, a finally fully-clothed Minho chucked his pajamas at you.

“You can wear these for tonight,” he said.

“Ew! Why did you give me your boxers!?”

“I thought my pants would be too long on you?”

“I’m not wearing wearing these.”

“So ungrateful… My sweatpants are in my room in the drawer. Go nuts.”

Minho left you alone to go order food for his two favorite pals while you were left to your own devices in the room where the magic happened, as he called it. For a dude, you knew he was on the cleaner side, but his bedroom was a lot tidier than you expected. There weren’t any clothes on the floor, all of his accessories were placed neatly by the mirror, and the only thing out of place was his blanket that was jumbled up in the corner of his bed. You suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over you for disturbing his beauty sleep, but like you said at the door, you owed him one. Well, maybe more than one… like, a dozen ones…

While looking through the drawers for pants, you rolled your eyes at the site of all the name brands embroidered near the pockets. The logos were strictly swooshes and SUPREME. An opportunity to wear matching sweatpants and hoodie that were worth more than your textbooks didn’t come very often, so you chose the heather gray pair. Just as you slipped your head through the top, Minho came in to check on you.

“I ordered chicken, I hope that’s cool - whoa!” Minho burst into a fit of giggles at the site of his his already-oversized sweats looking extra oversized on you. You’ve worn his hoodies before and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of the way you look in them. You’re just so cute.

“You look like a jumbo toasty marshmallow.”

“I wouldn’t say jumbo… and marshmallows aren’t gray.”

“Same difference. Are you ready yet? Changbin’s gonna drink your beer if you don’t come out sooner.”

“That little -! He’s such a roach!!”

You sprinted out of the bedroom and hopped over the empty side of the couch, scaring the boy dressed in all black who was just trying to eat his chips and watch How to Get Away With Murder in peace. You didn’t know him as well as you knew Minho, but you two hung out within the same circle enough to be comfortable around each other so living with him shouldn’t be TOO terrible. Luckily, your drink looked like it hadn’t been touched.

“So are you like, living here living here?” Changbin asked with fake disgust in his tone.

“Yeah, so get used to it.”

“Just when I thought I’d get Minho all to myself…”

“What are you doing here, anyways? Aren’t you also like, super dumb rich? You could probably buy this whole building.”

“No, my parents are super dumb rich. I, on the other hand, barely have a dime to my name until I graduate law school.”

“Oh yeah, you changed your major right?”

“Yeah, and let’s just say my parents weren’t too happy about that… Thankfully, my favorite hyung here has so graciously let me into his home ~”

“Yeah yeah…” Minho mumbled, squeezing himself in the middle. “Anything’s better than being alone in this place, even if it means housing you two rats.”

“Hey, you said you’d always welcome me here, so that’s your fault for agreeing,” you argued.

“Love you, babe ~” Changbin sang.

Once the chicken arrived, your night of being welcomed to the penthouse had only begun. The rest of the evening was spent talking about literally anything your tipsy and dumb brains could conjure up. From crying about school, to praying to the stars, and telling Changbin stories about yours and Minho’s prepubescent days, you could already predict your days living here would make your heart full.

“I bet you’re single, huh, _____?” Changbin said suddenly after popping open his third beer.

A conversation about each other’s love lives was probably the last thing you wanted to talk about, especially when alcohol was involved, but your mouth started talking before your brain could process.

With a pout on your lips, you retorted, “Why do you say it like that?”

“Because what person would be ok with having their girlfriend living at another dude’s apartment and with me as the other roommate?”

“If you already knew the answer, why bother asking?”

“I just wanted to confirm in case you and I accidentally fall in love.”

“I’ll evict both of you before I let that happen under my roof.” Minho slurred.

“What is with you and Minho and the whole roommates falling in love trope? Is that a common thing? Have you two been watching dramas since you started living together?”

“So what if we have!?” Changbin yelled.

“They’re not realistic, you know.”

“It’s called a drama for a reason.”

“I feel sorry for the next person you end up dating.”

“Yeah, me too.” Changbin took a huge, final chug of his beer before crushing it in his hands. So macho… “All right, I guess it’s time I pass out. See you guys in the morning. Don’t get too crazy while I’m asleep.”

“Nighty night.”

You and Minho were left in the quiet living room snuggled up in your own blankets. You thought the silence was comfortable, as you’ve spent enough time with him that not a word said in between for long periods of time was just fine, but by the look on his face you could tell something was up. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he was just tired, but his eyes never left the random spot on the coffee table for a solid five minutes.

You threw a potato chip at his cheek.

“Hm?” he hummed, surprisingly unphased. His tired eyes turned to look at you questioningly.

“What’s on your mind, my Prince?” The origin of the beloved nickname was from the time you dared him to try out for the high school play as the leading role and to your excitement and his dismay, he was passed the audition. He’d never admit it to your face, but he kind of enjoyed the spotlight and popularity for a while, and he never lets you forget how much he loved that nickname.

You managed to crack a smile from him and your worries began to fade away. “I was just thinking about something.”

“‘Bout what?”

“What Changbin said - what if you end up really liking someone and they’re not ok with you living with two hot and sexy guys?”

“Well, he can either get over it or I’ll dump him.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Why not? Remember that pact we made our first year of high school? The one where we pinky promised each other that no matter what, we wouldn’t let anyone come in between us?”

“Of course I do, but we were like what, fourteen? That was so long ago!”

“So?”

“So what I mean is…”

The ruggedly handsome boy beside you sighed deeply like he was ready to tell you something important. He laid his heavy hands on your shoulder and pulled you close so that you had all of your attention on him and not the fact that there was only two inches between your faces and that he smelled like alcohol. Was his skin always this clear? What the hell was his skincare routine? The blush on your cheeks continued to glow brighter as his eyes bore deep into your own, like he was searching for an answer to a question that only you held the answer to. He must admit that your shy side made you look so cute. Each second that passed was more intimate than the last and you so wished that he’d tell you what the hell was up with him already because your inadvertent breath-holding from the close proximity was making you light-headed. This felt like one of those scenes in those corny dramas that Minho watches - was he about to… dare you say… kiss you…?

Then you figured Minho learned a thing or two in drama class because his serious persona flew out the window when he shook you roughly by the shoulders, but at least you could breathe freely again.

“You shouldn’t have to choose between me and someone you like ~!” he whined childishly. “If he doesn’t like you living here, and you really like him, I don’t want you to be stuck in the middle!”

“Minho, you idiot, you’re the sole reason I’m not homeless and dying on the street, so what the hell do you want me to do IF that ever happens!? Move out!?”

“Ah, I didn’t think about it that way…”

“Lee Minho,” you emphasized to the pouty boy. “If - if - I meet someone I like, and they don’t like that I’m living with two guys, then fine, I can understand that and feelings like that can easily change over time. But if he can’t understand that you’re my best friend, that I cherish our friendship more than anything, and thinks there’s something else going on, then that’s when I’ll dump him. So there’s no need for you to worry that I have to choose between those two, ok?”

Minho sighed once more, breathing out all his worries about you being alone forever and stuck being a hermit in his apartment. “Ok, I believe you.”

“God, you’re so weird! Since when did my love life matter to you?”

“We’re nearing graduation, _____. We’re not getting any younger! And look, we’re both STILL single as a pringle…”

“When you and I are twenty-five and alone, unemployed and rotting away in this very room, then that’s when we’ll cry about it. But for now, we gotta worry about graduating.”

“I know. I just want you to be happy ~” With crocodile tears in his big, curious eyes, he pulled you in for a bone-crushing hug. It reminded you of all the times you told him not to touch you because he was being too sappy or he was sweaty and proceeded to hug you tighter anyways. Those were the best hugs.

“Shut up, I am happy.”

“Good.”

“What about you, hm? What if a girl you like sees that I live here?”

“Easy - I’ll just say you’re the housekeeper.”

“… You’re going to make one dumb girl very happy one day.”

“You think so?” he asked sincerely. “You really think I could make someone happy one day?”

There weren’t enough words in the dictionary to tell Minho how much happiness and sunlight he brought into your life. From the minor inconveniences to the darkest days, Minho was always your only source of light. You were way too tired to even attempt to be cheesy with him and closed your eyes instead, relaxing into his tight hug and hoping sleep would find you sooner rather than later.

“I know so, Lee Know.”

You stayed in Minho’s arms while the hum of the television and rhythm of his heart lulled you to sleep. Your favorite boy was content with where he was - holding you in his arms and stroking your hair until you were asleep and you didn’t have to worry about school, moving out, and whether this was mutually platonic or anything but. He thinks that there’s no way that ordinary best friends could lay like this and not cause any sort of tension in between. Then again, you two were extraordinary at best, so maybe the standard rules didn’t apply. To an unknowing passerby, this scene might look like two people in love who couldn’t get enough of each other. If Changbin came to see this, he’d probably think the same thing.

In the end, Minho wouldn’t care what anyone thought if they saw. It didn’t matter because this just felt so… right.

He’ll question his tugging heartstrings some other time.

Minho ended up carrying your sleeping form to your room. After tucking you in and resisting the urge to crawl onto the open space beside you, he thinks to himself that he could get used to this.

There was no way you could get used to this.

For such a huge place, only one of the two bathrooms had a shower. Which seemed fine, right? Considering there were only three of you living there. But you totally forgot that you lived with two of the most high-maintenance men you’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Minho wasn’t as bad as Changbin because he didn’t spend an hour moisturizing his entire body and fixing his hair - he only took half an hour. But you know that weird thing guys do when they take a dump they take an extra half hour just to play phone games or scroll through social media? So think about it, two boys who are mildly-to-severely high maintenance took a total of almost three hours using the damn bathroom.

That wasn’t even the worst of it! Other than the night you told Minho you were moving in, you guys haven’t had any fast food since. The two of them were watching their weight and muscle progress together so their diet strictly cut out carbs and the good stuff which meant the fridge was filled with veggies and brown grains you couldn’t even pronounce.

And even then, that wasn’t the worst. The absolute worst was when Minho would text you or call you at nine on the dot every single night that you weren’t home at that time. First, he’d call, and half of the time you would answer, but when you didn’t, he’d spam your messages until you replied with a pin drop of your location.

Tonight was the last straw.

“Stop calling,” you scolded while walking home from the library.

“So Changbin and I are in the mood for pizza and we figured you wanted some. You must be tired of all the quinoa,” he explained, ignoring your scolding. “Where are you?”

What’s the best way to spook Minho but not to the point where he’d call the police and demand an amber alert?

“I can’t right now. I’m with a guy.”

There’s a slight pause on the other end and something that sounded like he dropped something on the floor. You can hear Changbin’s faint ‘bro, what the hell!’ in the background and Minho heard you stifle a giggle.

“What? A guy? Who?”

“No one you know. I’ll see you when I get home ~!”

“Wait -”

You hung up before Minho could get another word in and you instantly regretted it. Once Minho found out you were kidding, he was probably going to relieve you of your pizza privileges and force you to eat more quinoa as punishment. You would hate it initially, but if there was even a slight chance that this made your message to him to stop worrying and calling you all the time crystal clear, then you’d eat bowls upon bowls of it and get all the grains stuck between your teeth because that’s how worth it it’d be.

What the hell had gotten into him, anyways? He was never like this in high school. If anything, HE was the boy you’d sneak out with, doing dumb hooligan things with, and being too close for comfort with - he was the boy he was trying to protect you from. Not even your parents were this protective, but you had to give him credit for being so diligent.

You weren’t too far from home, so you left Minho’s texts all on read until you stepped through the door. Changbin wasn’t surprised in the least that you were joking, and Minho knew you couldn’t have possibly be truthful about that, either, but he stepped out the door and scanned the hallways just to make sure you weren’t actually with some creep. You took this moment to sneak a slice or three before Minho could hoard the whole pie.

“I can’t believe you fell for that,” you teased, cheeks filled with cheese.

“I can’t believe you would joke about that.”

“I can,” Changbin muttered.

“What made you guys buy pizza?”

“A man can only eat salads and white chicken for so long. We deserve this.”

“We all deserve this. I wasn’t even on a diet in the first place, I was forced into it.”

“Yeah, but you look great at least, so you’re welcome.”

“Whatever.”

Sure, there were a lot of inconveniences when it came to living with two dudes who annoyingly functioned the same, but you would take on this form of entertainment over television any day. So yeah, Minho was annoying like ninety percent of the time… but he was just being a good friend and worrying about you.

It was nice to be cared for once in a while. Minho was the only one who would go out of his way just for you. Whether it was picking you up in the middle of the night from some party to walk you home or scolding you harshly about how you should wear scarves more so you wouldn’t get sick while making you a hot bowl of soup made with love, he never made you feel like you were an inconvenience. This curfew thing was a little over the top, though.

Changbin went to his room after whining about being a law student and how hard it was that he had to wear a suit everyday to his internship, leaving you and Minho alone at the kitchen table. The kitchen was were you spent most of your time together, whether it was using the table to eat, play dumb board games, or as one big desk to study on. Tons of late-night studying, gossiping, and snacking were spent at this table with Minho sitting across from you every time.

“It’s been about a month since you moved in, right?” he asked, plucking a pepperoni off of your slice. “How do you like it so far?”

There’s a short silence in the air before you answered. It was a little worrying, so he kicked you under the table to make you answer faster. How dare you not immediately answer with anything other than ‘I fucking love it’? “Besides only having five minutes to shower every morning, forced to go vegetarian, and having a 9:00 PM curfew? It’s better than being homeless, that’s for sure.”

“Good.” Another short pause, followed by Minho shyly avoiding eye contact. “It’s a lot of fun having you around.”

“Really? I don’t scare any poor souls you try to bring home?”

“To be honest, I haven’t been trying.”

“Whoa, Minho the slut taking a hiatus!?” you teased, earning you a crumpled napkin to the face.

“Shut up.”

“Why the sudden disinterest?”

His shoulders did a tiny shrug as if letting you know that even he was unsure of why. He hoped you’d help him find the answer. “No one catches my eye these days, I guess.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“It’s true!”

“Yeah, ok…”

“Well, what about you, huh? Has your boy-crazy self found someone interesting?”

You take a big, defeated bite into the leftover crust, allowing you to exploit your anger through vigorous chewing. Your efforts have obviously gone to a waste. “You and Changbin always like to remind me that I’m single.”

“I simply asked if you found anyone hot.”

“You know what’s sad? I haven’t…”

“Ah, I see - Changbin and I made your standards too high now, huh?”

“Both of you are probably stashing the hot guys in the gym somewhere because you know I won’t find them.”

“Damn, you caught us.”

“You know what else is sad, though?” Minho had to suffer and watch you sip your cola with your sad, pouty lips. It wasn’t that he felt bad, or anything, you just looked so… self-pitying. He’s seen this look way too often during your first year of college when some other chick would swoop in a steal the guy you had your eyes on. “Even if I did like someone, I don’t think I would act on it.”

“Why the hell would you cockblock yourself like that?”

“I’ve never been on a legitimate date before!”

“You’re such a damsel. You’ve totally been on a date before.”

“Senior prom with Hyunjin doesn’t count.”

“You guys had dinner and some dancing, doesn’t that count?”

You ignored your idiot friend’s justification and would much rather feel sorry for yourself than to consider prom as a legitimate date. You’re what, nearly into your twenties now and have gone this long without a guy properly asking you out on a date, maybe a movie and eating dinner at a nice restaurant with a small bouquet of flowers next to you, and ending the night with a kiss? The thought of your inadvertent abstinence made you want to chug a bottle of something strong.

“Do we still have that bottle of wine lying around?” you muttered, searching every corner of the kitchen. “Aha! Found it.”

“Mm, pizza and old wine. How are you single again? You’re so classy.”

“Do you want a glass or not?”

“… Hand it over.”

So another night was spent drinking and drowning your sorrows away while Minho watched - what else was new? Before, he didn’t think much of these nights, considering they were spent with Changbin also who drank just as much as you did, but Minho hadn’t even finished his first glass yet when you were already pouring your third. You must have been really going through it.

“Ok, I think that’s enough,” Minho scolded, taking the glass away. Clumsily and lazily, you reached out to take it back, but your state of mind was too loopy for you to fight back further. God, your tolerance had gone down significantly as time passed. Was this indication that you were getting old?

“Is this how you’re going to act on your first date at dinner while having several glasses of wine?” the mean boy across teased. “Good luck with that.”

“That’s ok, I’m never going on a first date, anyways.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because who would want to date me?”

“Hey.”

Your eyes are droopy and you feel like you could pass out from the drowsiness of the wine at any second, but Minho’s hand on top of yours snaps you awake. There were plenty of ways you and Minho shared skinship, like hugging, wrestling, high-fiving, and punching each other, but hand-holding was not one of them. It was… weird. You know when cats sometimes put their tiny paws on top of human hands? This was what it reminded you of and you had to hold in your laughter.

“Don’t say that stuff about yourself, only I can do that.”

“Well, there has to be a reason why I haven’t been on a date yet. It’s because I’m unlovable, right? Besides, I wouldn’t know what to do if I was on a real date. Like what do we talk about? The weather? That’s what adults talk about, right?”

“Yeah, if you work a nine-to-five at an accounting firm. You really are kind of hopeless, aren’t you? That’s ok, you and I can practice.”

“Practice?”

“Yeah, practice on me. Pretend you and I are on a date.” Minho left his seat across from you to steal Changbin’s seat that was to your right. The proximity of your bodies was so close that your knees knocked together, but your tipsy best friend was too distracted by your challenge to care. “A~and boom, we’re on a date.”

“Right now?”

“Right now. Look, we got our glasses of wine on hand, some dinner, we could even watch a movie if you want. But first thing’s first, we gotta test out your communication skills. What kind of things would you ask or talk about on your date?”

“I guess… What do you major in -?”

“Pause, red flag number one: never talk about school. Next question.”

“U-Uh, what kind of music do you like…?”

“Better. Let’s pretend that I’m some snobby older rich dude and I say, ‘oh, today’s music doesn’t interest me. I prefer classical music such as Bach and Beethoven, you know?’”

“I would never go on a date with someone so pompous and old.”

“Ok, but let’s say you’re dating this guy for money.”

“Minho!”

“At the rate this fake date is going, this is what your future dates are going to look like, _____! I’m just helping you prepare!”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but… you’re so right. I’m gonna end up as a sugar baby and I’ll be too hyped up about the influx in my bank account that I’ll drop out of college and make this my career!”

“Whoa, I didn’t say that -”

“I can’t believe this is what all my hours in the library have amounted to! Screw good grades, if I can’t find love, then what’s the point! This is it - this is how my life is really going to be like -!”

What Minho said goes in one ear and out the other as both of your hands are tangled in the mess of your hair and your blood pressure is suddenly through the roof. You were making a huge deal out of this fake date but you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t make a huge deal out of nothing! If this was how you were on a fake date, Minho doesn’t want to know how you’d be on a real date.

The first thing you hear is his boyish laugh as he removed your hands from your head before you could tear out your hair. You look like you have a bird nest on both sides of your pouty face and even though Minho thought you were being ridiculous, you still looked cute regardless. His tiny but warm hands smoothen your messy strands before holding your face. It’s hard to look him in the eyes after your mini breakdown and he didn’t make it easier by the way his thumbs caressed your cheeks. Was he doing this on purpose because he liked to see you squirm? You didn’t think so when you finally looked up.

Minho didn’t have his signature sly smile where the corners of his lips curled like a cheshire cat. There was no teasing twinkle in his eyes that normally accompanied it, either. Both were softer, like he couldn’t understand why someone as charming, intelligent, and hilarious as you could constantly worry about finding someone who would love you back. How could someone not, when you had the stars in your eyes after spotting a dog across the street, when you could sing an entire concert setlist in the shower, or when you had the cute sad look on your face after you burned your third pancake? Even now, in your tipsy and sad state, your eyes still sparkled and begged to be loved - exactly like all the cute puppies you spotted on your walks with Minho. The thought of someone NOT falling head over heels for you sounded completely ridiculous.

Before his heart could drop to the pit of his stomach, Minho broke the intimacy by squishing your cheeks so hard that your lips puckered like a fish.

“Stop being so sad,” he said sternly.

“Just like that, the sadness is gone,” you sputtered sarcastically, careful not to spit in Minho’s eye.

“I mean it. You’ll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them. No, you’ll find someone who loves you more.”

“How do you know…?”

“Because I’m Lee Know, remember?”

His cocky smirk returned and the corners of his lips curled adoringly. It was a smile you were more accustomed to and you’d never admit it aloud, but you liked this one much better. Soft Minho was kind of gross.

“You’re intelligent, selfless, sometimes funny, and life would be so exciting to be in love with you. I promise you’ll find someone.”

“… Tell me I’m pretty.”

“Wow, I put so much heart into my speech and that’s all you got out of it!? That I didn’t call you pretty!?”

“All of that doesn’t matter if I’m not cute.”

Minho squeezed your cheeks a bit harder. “Nevermind, you’re hopeless.”

“Ow ok, I’m kidding! Can you let go of my face now!? You know I bruise easily!”

He released his hold on your face and you tried to circulate the blood that pooled up. Minho usually wasn’t good with these types of talks, but something must have changed after high school. What kind of classes was he taking that he was being so poetic to the point that your heart felt like it was fluttering? Must be the bit of wine left in your bloodstream.

Even so, you were thankful. What would you do without your handsome Prince?

“I guess I’ll try to sleep the hopelessness away,” you sighed. Before heading off to your room, you wrapped your arms tightly around your best friend’s neck from behind and pressed your rosy cheek to his own. Normally, he’d let out a grossed-out groan, but tonight he returned the gesture with his hands on top of yours. “I love you, you know that, right?”

His chest ached. “Mhm. Love you, too, pretty girl. Sweet dreams.”

“You too, my Prince. Don’t stay up too late.”

The sound of your door closing triggered an empty silence in the entire apartment. Not a single sound is heard other than Minho’s beating heart that felt like it was blasting in his ears. Now he’s alone sitting at the dining table, downing the last of his wine and all he could think about was your lack of presence and how it lingered casually all around him. He could still feel your cheeks in his hands, your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and the way the warmth of your cheek heated up his own. That wasn’t enough - he wanted more of you, but that was for a later time even he couldn’t predict. After cleaning up the table and trying to leave those moments in the dining room, they ended up following him to his bed until he was too tired to stay awake thinking about them.

That night, you ended up dreaming about Prince Minho and what it was like to be by his side forever.

It didn’t seem so bad.

There’s this crazy phenomenon that happened to you too many times to count, but this time had to take the cake. There were times when you’d have dreams about not necessarily random people, but people you didn’t normally associate yourself with. Like an old coworker, or a past partner for that one single assignment, or even that one time the guy next to you asked you to borrow a pencil for an exam. They would appear in your dreams at random with no purpose other than to play as your boyfriend, but the morning you wake up, you had this sudden weird… attraction towards them.

Maybe attraction wasn’t exactly the right word, but the moment they stepped into the room, you could feel your face heat up and your palms sweat and it really made you question your type in men because why was your body reacting so sensitively to seeing someone who literally just asked you for a pencil? Maybe this was why you’ve been single for so long…

Now let it be reminded that you’re having these weird, little crushes on guys you practically considered strangers. But now, for the first time in your entire life - in all your years knowing that stupid, handsome idiot, you had your very first dream about Minho. If you acted like a fool in front of strangers, how did you act around your best friend? Let’s just say you didn’t know how to act… or rather, you did what you do best - make things like ten times more awkward than they should be.

What did you do when Minho woke up in the morning with his stupidly cute bedhead and flopped on the couch next to you muttering a soft and gentle ‘good morning ~’? You got up and ran to your room after returning the greeting with a squeaky voice. What did you do when he would wrap his arm around your shoulder in that sly, boyish way that literally meant nothing? You’d run to the bathroom, whether you were at home or out in public.

And what did you do when he would walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist? You literally ran. You went to your room, put on your workout gear, and you ran - ran as far as your legs could take you with your ears blasting music to drown out any thoughts about your best FRIEND.

With his heart sinking, Minho didn’t know what to do.

“Hey, have you seen _____ these past few days?” he asked Changbin sometime around dinner. He knew your schedule like the back of his hand and he made sure he gave himself enough time to ask Changbin for his opinion before you came home.

“Yeah…? I see her like everyday. She lives here, too, you know.”

“I know, but she seems a little distant lately, right?”

“Mm, not with me,” the buff boy shrugged casually. His once unquestioning expression quickly turned into something sly when he realized what kind of situation Minho was in. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s not what it looks like to me.”

“The last thing we did together for more than five minutes was eat pizza and drink wine and that was last week.”

“Did anything happen after drinking wine? We all know how you get when you drink…”

“Mm… she was moping about how she’s never going to go on a date, or something, and then I told her she doesn’t have to worry.”

“Why doesn’t she have to worry?”

It was then that Minho figured maybe this was the reason why you were avoiding him. Shyly, the older boy avoided the teasing gaze from his close friend. “N-No reason.”

“Is it because you told her how wonderful she is? Or how funny, and smart, and how all men were idiots for not falling head over heels for her ~?”

“Shut up.”

“I bet you called her pretty, too.”

“Ok, she made me say that!”

“God, no wonder she’s avoiding you! You probably made her fall head over heels for you, or something!”

“… You really think so?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound too hopeful at the idea.

Thankfully, Changbin didn’t seem to catch it. “If I heard that kind of corny stuff coming from you, I’d react the same way, to be honest.”

The sound of the door unlocking made both boys jump and quickly drop the subject, but not without Changbin shooting Minho a ‘we’ll discuss this later’ glance that reminded him of his dad whenever he got in trouble. For the first time that week, you didn’t sprint to your room right away. Rather, with a cheeky grin on your lips, you joined the two boys who eyed you suspiciously at the dining table.

“What?” you asked innocently.

“Nice to finally see you for more than five minutes,” Minho pouted childishly.

“Aw, you miss me ~?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Why are you so smiley, missy?” the smaller, more suspicious boy squinted.

“I can’t be happy on this fine Thursday?”

“No.”

“Fine, you downer. I’m super stoked because guess who has a date tomorrow ~?”

A short silence fell at the table. The first ten seconds of silence was so the two idiots could process what you just said. The following ten seconds was just a series of different ugly facial expressions from thinking about the question too hard.

“Did Seungmin finally ask that one person out? He’s been talking about it for months, he won’t shut up,” Changbin asked.

“No, not him…”

“Woojin? He’s not really the dating type, though.”

“No, idiot, me! I have a date tomorrow!”

“With who?” Minho finally asked. Of course he knew you were the one with the date, but he didn’t want to believe it until you said it. The rest of the conversation didn’t matter after you told him who it was.

“This guy named Wooyoung in one of my classes. We worked on a project together sometime last year and I just found him in lecture the other day. Small campus, huh? We caught up this past week and he asked me out just now after walking me home. Ah, I can’t believe it!”

Your smile was bright and so big that Minho could hardly see your eyes. He couldn’t recall a time when you were this excited for something since you and him both got accepted to this school. He was happy to see you like this, despite the circumstances. With your eyes all sparkly and cheeks blushed pink, the bit of aching was worth it.

“Oh, I know Wooyoung!” Changbin had a goofy smile when he saw how disappointed you looked. “His dad and my dad are close friends and we got close by coincidence.”

“Aw man, you know him!? I wanted to date someone not within this weird circle of friends!”

“He’s not! He’s like a little bubble outside of the circle.”

“Whatever… he’s nice and rich, at least.”

“Now I know where your priorities lie. Minho, what do you think?”

“Hm?” You raised a curious brow at your spacey friend. Minho had been in his own little world after blocking out the details of how you ended up with a date tomorrow night. He put on a fake smile so you wouldn’t have to worry. “I don’t know Wooyoung, but I’m happy for you.”

“I’m kind of scared… what if I blow it like our fake date?”

“Good thing it was fake, right?” The handsome boy across from you ruffled your hair into a bird’s nest style - much like how it was last week. You were a mess, but you were his pretty little mess. “Don’t sweat it. You’ll do just fine.”

“Yeah, Wooyoung may be rich, but his standards aren’t that high - ow! What the hell, dude!” he whined, rubbing his bruising shin.

“You two are so mediocre when it comes to these pep talks… but thank you. I’m so excited that my cheeks hurt because I can’t stop smiling!”

Minho watched you hide your heated face in your hands. He hoped you’d smile like this for a long time, even if he wasn’t the reason behind it.

If the boys were allowed a collective three hours in the bathroom nearly every damn morning, you were allowed three hours to yourself once this evening. You practically put on a spa for yourself in preparation for this. Every centimeter of your body was exfoliated and moisturized, every strand of hair fixed in its place, and every eyelash was coated with mascara. Not to mention that your outfit didn’t have a single wrinkle to be seen.

“Not gonna lie, you look pretty decent,” Changbin admitted while leaning on the doorframe. “Expecting some dessert tonight, if you know what I mean?”

“You think I’ll let it go that far on my very first date? Who do you think I am!”

“A touch-starved damsel.”

“… Shut up.” At 7:00 pm on the dot, you received a text from Wooyoung that he’s here. “Ah, gotta go!”

Like you would on a Monday morning already late for class, you shoved all of your essentials in a bag and scurried for the door, but not before Minho came out of his room and caught you. After putting on your nice shoes, you finally looked up to stare back at your wide-eyed, jaw-dropped friend. The only other time he ever looked at you like that was prom night, and even though you were glammed up times ten that night, his face tonight was more intense. The sudden waves of confusion and erratic heartbeat skips reminded you of why you accepted to go on the date so quickly in the first place: to get rid of these weird feelings for your best friend that you couldn’t understand.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you whined. “Too much? Or too little?”

Perfect. “No, no. You look fine.”

“Really?”

“I promise. You got everything you need?”

“Uh, wallet, keys, phone…”

“Condom?”

“Minho!!”

“Just kidding! Be sure to practice abstinence because I’m not letting some guy come into our apartment just so you can do THAT.”

“Don’t worry, he has his own place.” He knew you were joking… kind of… you were joking, right…? “I’m kidding.”

“You better be… Don’t forget, curfew’s at 9:00 pm.”

“Ok, I’ll see you at 2:00 am ~!”

You did a final wave goodbye before heading out the door to forget all about Minho while he was stuck being a boring homebody. He heard his other, more irritating roommate tisk annoyingly from across the room.

“Shoulda said something ~” Changbin sang.

“What is there to say?”

“Baby, don’t leave! Why go out with a boy when you can go out with a MAN like me?”

“Oh, my God, I don’t really sound like that, do I?”

“Only sometimes.”

So while you were off on your date, smiling at him like no one else in the world could matter more, Minho would glue his ass to the couch and wait for you to come home.

Your first date was both exactly and the complete opposite of how you expected it to be - quite awkward, but it gradually melted into something you would best describe as comfortable. It didn’t feel very date-like. It felt more like you were eating dinner with a very handsome friend. You could easily see why all of your friends were jealous that you were on this date. Wooyoung was so easy to talk to and just his stare alone, he could get anyone to fall in love with him just like that.

A moment like this, when he’s laughing at your corny joke or fixing a loose strand of hair, was when you truly wished cupid would shoot a thousand arrows into your heart at one time with Wooyoung’s name on the heart-shaped head. That itself would solve about 75 percent of your problems. But it was too late, for your heart already had a hundred thousand arrows lodged in with no way of taking them out, and every single one had Minho’s stupid name on them.

Your date ended earlier than expected which was a little after midnight when his friend San called him in some party-related emergency. Of course you understood, as you’ve experienced being that friend one too many times, and he bid you a farewell with a sweet kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s do this again sometime,” he suggested.

“I’d love that!” Though it probably wasn’t going to happen.

During the walk home, you took the time to reflect on everything that went wrong tonight. Fifteen minutes in, and you couldn’t figure out why your heart didn’t beat for Wooyoung. Passers-by gave you a strange look as you passed because of how your face twisted in confusion, but they went unnoticed because now you actually had to deal with your feelings for Minho straight on.

When did this all start exactly? Like when did the first arrow lodge itself in your right ventricle? Was it in middle school when he stopped those bullies? Was it during your last year in high school when he hugged you so tight, crying tears of joy when the team won the championship basketball game? Maybe it was during your first college party when he held your hair up while you puked into the toilet, but you knew there was no way this all happened because of one silly dream… Maybe your feelings were there all along.

The saying goes when it rains, it pours, right? Tonight, that phrase is both hypothetical and literal.

In a matter of seconds, the skies cried heavily with no thunder or lightning to be heard or seen. On this warm night alone, you were getting soaked to the bone with little-to-no-coverage. You didn’t pack an umbrella and for some reason, even the store awnings couldn’t give you shelter very well, so your only option was to take off your pretty much-ruined nice shoes and sprint home barefoot and that’s exactly what you did.

Minho liked the rain. It was calming, but only added to the lonely ambiance on this fine Friday evening. From inside, he watched the city glow different colors as the light reflected off of the rain droplets and this was when he thought the city looked the most beautiful. He could fall asleep at any moment just to the sound of the rain.

Minho’s apartment is so high up that it’s difficult to see the details in in peoples’ faces and clothes as they walked the streets, but it was easy to spot the little speck running towards his building a couple of blocks away. No one else for blocks on end could be seen other than the tiny speck running. He didn’t have to see your face to know that it was you running home because you didn’t have an umbrella. Not that he’s not happy to see you home, but why were you here so early? And alone, for that matter? Did that Wooyoung guy ditch you?

“Idiot,” Minho mumbled grumpily before grabbing his umbrella and making his way to you.

By the time he reached the lobby, he thought he’d see you inside by now, but that wasn’t the case and he was starting to get a little worried. He didn’t waste time running out the building and immediately he spotted you taking a breather under the big coffee shop awning. You’re completely soaked as if you took a dip in the ocean, strands of hair clinging to your rosy cheeks, and your shoes in your hand…? You’re barefoot, feet all cut up and a little bruised. Without looking at your face, a stranger could say that you were having a bad night, but even Minho knew that wasn’t exactly the case. You didn’t look disappointed or anything near that.

You must have enjoyed the date.

A huge shadow blocked the streetlight from your body and a pair of Minho’s beat up dance shoes are in your eyesight. Tiredly, but happily, you look up to a stern-faced crush who held an umbrella over his head.

“‘Sup,” you greeted casually.

“Let’s go, you’re gonna get sick,” he muttered.

Neither of you said a word until you reached your shared home, and Minho didn’t bother to give you a second glance until then, too. After carelessly tossing his umbrella near the pile of shoes, he found his spot on the couch again.

“You should shower.”

“Right…”

Still, he didn’t give you the time of day, and it hurts. From your cut-up feet to your pounding headache, everything just hurts, and your entire body was ready to crawl under your sheets and call it a night. But you obeyed, taking a long, hot shower to wash away all the wrongs that happened tonight.

When you were done, Minho had a first-aid kit ready in his hands. He didn’t seem as angry as earlier - now he just looked worried.

“Sit,” he commanded nicely.

Of course you obeyed like a misbehaved puppy walking to its cage. Nervously, you sat on the couch while Minho sat on the floor. Before you could ask what he was doing, he had already grabbed one foot to inspect for major cuts.

“You don’t need to do that - ah, hey!” The concerned boy wasn’t listening when he dabbed a cotton swab soaked in disinfectant over a single super small cut on your foot… that was bleeding… a lot. “That stings, bro!”

“Good, that means it’s working. Now sit still.” He put a tiny bandaid over the clean cut and when he thought he was all finished, he held both of your ankles in his hand. “Why is one bigger than the other? Is it swollen?”

“I may have tripped once… or twice…”

An aggravated sigh left Minho’s pink lips before he grabs the bandage to wrap around your swollen ankle. After neatly wrapping around once, the rest of the wrapping was done by yanking the bandage until you felt the blood flow cut off at that point.

“Ow ow!! Chill, Minho, you’re hurting more than helping!”

After realizing what he’d been doing, Minho halted, muttering a soft ‘sorry’ before re-wrapping your ankle with more love and care.

“Why were you alone tonight?” he asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why wasn’t your date walking you home like he should? Doesn’t he know it’s common courtesy to do so?”

“Ah, well he had an emergency to attend to.”

“Still… He just left you to run home in the rain, and look what happened. Also, why the hell were your shoes off!?”

“I didn’t want to ruin them…”

The inside of his cheek was starting to numb from all the inherent chewing. At this point, Minho was tired, and you probably were, too. What was the point in arguing?

“Don’t date that guy,” he demanded.

“Why not?”

“You shouldn’t be dating someone who leaves you in the middle of a date. Was it even a real emergency?”

“It was at the end of a date. But no, not a REAL real emergency…”

“Still, he left you, and look how you ended up.” Another sigh left his lips. “I don’t like him, _____.”

“I know.” When Minho finally looked up, he saw that you were smiling at him. You’re not angry or upset by the way he was acting, and he’s really surprised. What was going through your mind? “You don’t have to worry. I don’t think there’s going to be another date.”

Good. “How come?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t have that ‘I can’t wait to see you again’ type of feeling like I thought I would. I guess I wasn’t that into him.”

The shy boy below you cleared his throat hoping you wouldn’t see how relieved he was. “Oh, that’s good.”

“What happened to you wanting me to be happy with some guy?” you teased, lightly kicking his arm.

“I still do. Just not with him.”

“Mm. Maybe the next one will work out better.”

“Yeah… the next one.”

Minho finished wrapping up your ankle and went to stash the first aid kit in his room. You happily followed your confidant slash magical healer and he wasn’t complaining. In fact, he hid his growing smile so you wouldn’t see.

“I had a weird dream last night,” you said after flopping on his king-sized mattress.

“Tell me about it.”

“You were in it as a Prince.”

“Hm, doesn’t sound so weird to me.”

“I was right beside you the whole time.”

“Ooh, tell me more.” Minho hopped on right beside you and the two of you laid side-by-side as you told your fairytale. “Were you my Princess? My sidepiece mistress? The cook’s daughter I fell in love with? Oh, or were we betrothed to unite two kingdoms together?”

“Dude, I don’t know…”

“God is in the details, baby. What else happened?”

“That’s all I could remember. You were a Prince who smiled everyday and I was right there the whole time.”

“I probably smiled all the time ‘cuz you were next to me.”

To play it off as playful, the boy only a couple centimeters beside you nudged you several times. It was hard for him to keep up the facade when you said,

“I was probably next to you the whole time because of your smile.”

Now what was he to do? Subconsciously, Minho turned on his side to face you. With your cheeks and the tip of your nose a baby pink, you refused to look at him. Maybe you were getting sick.

“What, you like my smile, or something?”

“Have I ever told you it makes me feel safe?”

“Safe? Why?”

“It lets me know I have nothing to worry about - that I’m going to be just fine.”

The ceiling must have been very interesting. You have yet to look at him and though he wanted you to, he hopes you don’t, otherwise the magnetic pull between your lips might be too strong for him to resist. He wondered what you tasted like.

“I’m glad I make you feel that way.”

The world felt at peace again when he returned to his position on his back. As if the roof did not exist above, the two of you laid on his bed and pretended to count the stars. Minho’s hand blindly found its way to yours and the tiny bumps and touches of his fingertips made goosebumps travel up your arms. The handsome, confusing boy traced tiny stars in the back of your hand.

“Did you like your dream?” he finally asked.

“You mean did I like being stuck with you for eternity?”

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His shy giggle filled the empty spaces of his room, and yours soon followed.

“Neither would I.”

An eternity together wouldn’t be so bad.

The spot beside you on Minho’s bed felt empty. You must have knocked out the night before, too tired to crawl back to your cave of a room, and ended up sleeping next to him the whole night. Either last night’s date was exhausting or you didn’t want to leave Minho or his bed because you slept in so late that he had already got up for the day.

Changbin was eating cereal in front of the television when you finally left the room.

“Whoa, what the hell,” he smirked, not knowing that’s where you slept last night. “Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

“No, idiot. We were talking and we fell asleep. Where is he, anyways?”

“Either at the gym or running errands or both.”

“Ah, ok…” If you knew Minho like you thought you did, then maybe he’s at the gym, but running errands? The hell kind of errands did he have? You were the one who ran all the house-related errands.

“You goin’ out tonight?”

“Can’t. Huge paper I have to work on.”

“C'mon, it’s Jeongin’s birthday! And Minho’s going ~”

Your cheeks burned from his teasing. “So? I’ll literally fail if I don’t get a good grade on this assignment.”

“Fine, you bookworm…”

So that’s what you did - you became a homebody for the day and hermitted in your room to work on that cursed paper. It was hard to focus when all you could think about was going out tonight with Minho. If you went, would you stick by his side the whole time? Would he drag you to the dance floor and hold you close? Would the alcohol take over and close the gap between your lips?

Let’s pretend the answer was yes to all of the above.

You didn’t see him for the entire day. Not for lunch, or dinner, or when he finally came home and hopped in the shower, or when he got ready in ten minutes, or even when he and Changbin left for the party. No texts or calls, either.

He was avoiding you at all costs.

Ugh, dammit, _____! Why did you sleep in his bed last night!? Ok, to be completely fair, he was sending you mixed signals that everything was fine, you know? He smiled after you told him how it made you feel safe, those little touches and whispers, literally agreeing to how life beside each other 'til you both grew old and wrinkly would be ideal… Why would you want to leave his side on the bed after all of that?

Boys were confusing, you knew that. Maybe you just misread the signs.

Minho felt like his heart was collapsing. Waking up beside you made this morning the best he’s ever had. You were so sleepy and so cute… All he wanted to do was press little kisses all on your forehead.

But no, he couldn’t do that. You just happened to fall asleep here with no real purpose. It’s not like he was going to wake you up and tell you to move? But did that make him selfish for wanting you to stay when you didn’t intend to? Maybe, so that’s why he had to slip out of the apartment before you woke up.

In the morning, he ran for a couple of hours. Then he went to lift weights. Then he ate and wasted time around town until it was time to get ready for Jeongin’s birthday. Nothing he did made it easier for him to forget about you and the night before. He’ll just use this opportunity of free booze to help him with that.

After successfully slipping in to get ready and out for a night of festivities, he thought that avoiding you for the whole day only made him miss you more.

“You’re not gonna do anything stupid tonight, are you?” Changbin asked.

“No promises.”

Well, no promises was right, because as soon as the two stepped into Chan’s place, Minho weaved his way through the crowd of strangers and went straight for the alcohol table. There, Chan was serving the jungle juice.

“Hey, you made it!” he greeted them, but his grin dropped when he saw the distressed look on Minho’s face. “Yikes, rough night?”

“You have no idea,” Changbin answered for him while he chugged the sweet drink.

He held the solo cup out to his concerned friend. “More.”

“Uh-oh…” Chan didn’t disobey.

For a while, Minho was fine on his own while Changbin was off doing God knows what to some poor soul. He socialized here and there, greeted the totally incoherent birthday boy, and even flirted his way around for the sake of distraction. When something new didn’t seem to work, he’d down another shot, and by the time it was 2:00 am, Minho could barely stand on his own.

“Oh, son of a - are you kidding me!?” Changbin groaned after seeing his poor roommate passed out on Chan’s couch.

“Should I call an Uber…?” Jisung asked.

“Nah, I have a cheaper solution.”

At 2:03 am, while you were munching on some chips and crying to some Miyazaki movie, Changbin’s name lit up your phone.

“Yo.”

“How much do you love your roommates?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Four and a half.”

“Can you cash in that four and a half and pick us up from Chan’s place ~?” the whiny boy begged. “Minho is being insufferable! He keeps drinking everything in site!”

That did not sound good… Minho got very, uh, unbearable when he wasn’t himself. You felt your headache come back and your blood pressure fly through the roof.

“But I don’t have a car.”

“The keys to the Audi are hanging by the door.”

“What the - he has a car!?”

“No, his uncle has a car. Just don’t tell him we’re using it. Hurry, before he gets outta hand - NO, DON’T LET HIM DRINK THAT -!!”

The line cut out and the dial tone rang in your ears for a solid five seconds before you could process what Changbin was asking of you. So you were supposed to grab the keys to an expensive Audi, drive to Chan’s house, pick up your incompetent roommates, and somehow end up back home alive? Well, all right…

The key to the car wasn’t actually a key… It was just a remote. The car was hidden in the corner of the underground garage and if you weren’t being careful, someone could honestly kidnap you at any moment and no trace of the kidnapping would be seen. The Audi was very beautiful, all white and shiny like it was brand new. The interior was pitch black with red stitching, tons of fancy buttons normal cars didn’t really have, and a button for the ignition. You prayed to whatever Lord was listening that it was Automatic because you had zero idea how to handle Manual.

The drive wasn’t that far, but it was far for a walk, so no wonder Changbin called you for assistance. After texting him that his personal, beautiful Uber driver had arrived, you were left with your erratic thoughts about how you were going to handle seeing Minho for the first time since last night. Would it be awkward? Maybe on your end because you were sober enough to remember everything, but maybe his drunken state would ease up the atmosphere.

Your love life sucked. Your crushes never worked out in the end, your first date ended up mediocre, and now you fell for your best friend. You were in denial for the most part, thinking that maybe this was just a coping mechanism for all your failures and that Minho was the only real man to ever care about you, so of course you fell for someone like him. But that wasn’t it, was it? Minho wasn’t made to be your security blanket when all else failed. Maybe all else failed because he was the one all along. Fate always had a weird way of playing with you.

A loud thump in the back seat shook you from your thoughts.

“Sorry, he’s very heavy and I got tired,” Changbin said as he sat in the front seat.

Looking back, you saw a passed out Minho curled up on the seats.

“Jeez, that kind of night, huh?” Did you do that to him…? Was this because of last night…?

“Yeah… you wouldn’t believe the shit he was saying -”

“_____, is that you?” he asked cutely.

“Hey there,” you giggled. “How are you feeling?”

“I miss you ~”

“Huh?”

“Bro, he would not shut up the entire night! _____ this, _____ that, I was honestly so happy that he passed out on the couch because for those ten minutes, I could hear my own thoughts again. Can you two figure out whatever sexual tension you guys are having -”

“Changbin!”

“What!? I’m tired of living with you two!”

“Move out then!”

“No way, I was there first!!”

“Stop yelling,” the poor, drunk boy whined, moving up so his face was in between yours and a pouty Changbin. Minho turned to you all giggly and smiley like a kid in a candy shop and poked your cheek. “I miss you ~”

Of course you did, too. “I miss you, too, dork.”

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you when we get home, I’m sleepy.” And he was out like a light once more.

“What the hell…”

“Chan’s jungle juice, man. It’s magical,” Changbin tisked.

It took two small adults to carry one Minho all the way from the parking lot, to the lobby, to the elevator, and then finally to the door. You’d think with all the working out Changbin did that he could handle the unconscious boy all on his own, but Minho was very muscley… A lot more than you remembered. From supporting his back and abs and having his arm around your shoulder, you could feel every crevice of his taut muscles that you should definitely not be thinking about at a time like this. He was fine to support himself by the time the door opened, and Changbin happily let go of him to go to the bathroom, something about ‘needing to piss really bad.’

Before you could fathom that you were left alone with a loosey goosey Minho, he had already grabbed onto your hand and pulled you into his chest. His arms wrapped tightly around you so you couldn’t escape, but it wasn’t like you were going to, anyways. With his cheek resting on your forehead, you felt safe.

“I miss you ~” he repeated in his sing-songy voice.

“What are you doing?” you muffled into his chest.

“Showing and telling you how much I love you.”

“Wait, what -”

“In fact, let me show and tell the whole world!”

How Minho was able to run to the balcony and not trip and fall flat on his face was a mystery to you. The weird boy literally swung open the door and breathed in the fresh air before screaming into the night,

“I LOVE _____!”

Still inside, feet glued to where Minho first told you he sincerely loves you, you were shocked as the man you loved screamed at the top of his lungs to the city below.

“I LOVE YOU ~!” he screamed once more.

“Oh, my God.”

You sighed tiredly, though your growing smile wasn’t fooling anyone. Reluctantly, you made your way to the balcony to bring in the boy you loved before he lost his voice. After screaming a couple more times, he tuckered himself out and leaned over the edge of the railing.

“You’re going to fall!” you lectured, pulling him back up. That was a bit of a mistake on your end though, because now he used you as his means of support and coddled you tightly like you were his own personal teddy bear.

“I love you, _____,” he said perfectly like there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in his system.

“Minho, you’re drunk.”

He held you tighter. “Do you wanna hear a story? It’s called ‘The Day I Fell for You’.”

“Ok. Tell me all about it.”

“You were in art class and it was the pottery unit. You absolutely hated the mug you made, but I loved it. I told you to submit it for the art exhibit anyways. The following week at exhibition night, you won second place for the best pottery piece. When you went up to get your ribbon in front of all our other classmates and their parents, you only looked at me. You had the brightest smile on your face, and when I gave you a thumbs up, you glowed even brighter. I didn’t think that was even possible. Then when the awards were over, you ran up to me and hugged me so tight. Just like this. And my heart was beating so fast! Just like now, too. I never wanted to let you go, you know? And then when you let me keep your mug, it was all over from there.”

Ah, you remember that story perfectly, even if it was so long ago. Minho made you feel like you could fly without wings.

He hummed happily, enjoying the feeling of you in his arms. “It’s my favorite mug. I drink coffee out of it every morning.”

“I know, I’m the one who washes it…”

“_____, what do I do ~?” He broke the hug and the heart-wrenching moment to hold your face and squish your cheeks so hard your lips would pout. “What do I do ~? I love you and I want to kiss you so badly!”

“Eh!?”

“Just one kiss,” he begged, puckering his lips playfully.

“Ah, no, you weirdo!” you giggled, but you weren’t even fighting back.

“Just one, I promise.”

Before you could fake-object, his lips barely touched yours for a split second. They were soft, sent goosebumps all over your skin, and made sparks fly.

He giggled softly before leaning in again. “Ok, one more.”

“You said just one!”

“I got a taste and now I want more. This is your fault.”

“You sound like an addict.”

“Only for you, baby.”

So he kissed you once more. And again. And again. And then again for the tenth time. The eleventh time he made the kiss last a little longer. The fifteenth time was a kiss on your nose. The sixteenth, seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth were for your cheeks twice. The twentieth and the last was on your forehead, making your heart flutter like a little hummingbird.

"You taste like punch and tequila,” you gagged.

“Do you like it ~?”

“No!”

“Do you like me ~?”

“Only sometimes. But I guess I love you all other times. Luckily, you probably won’t remember this in the morning.”

There’s a short silence afterwards, only the sounds of the wind blowing could be heard as Minho continued to hold you. “Loving me means you can’t get mad at me, right?”

“It means I’ll probably get mad at you more frequently. Why, what did you do…?”

“Nothing, I swear! I’m just… not as drunk as you think I am anymore…”

“Ah, so you’ll remember this in the morning…”

“Absolutely. If you rejected my screaming confession though, I would have still pretended to be drunk. Isn’t my plan so smart? I’m a genius, bro.”

“Mm, I wouldn’t say genius,” you teased.

“Whatever, you admitted you love me, that’s all that matters.”

“I only said it 'cuz you said it first. If you didn’t, I would have kept it to myself.”

“But why ~?”

“You left me this morning. I thought telling you my dream was a huge mistake and I scared you away.”

Your loving boy pressed a twenty-first kiss to your forehead. “I was scared, but not because of that. I was scared you would leave everything at that and wouldn’t think of me as anything but a friend.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m an emotional man, ok.”

“I know ~” you sighed happily. The night air was crisp and cool, but Minho kept you warm, as he always did. He was always there whenever you need him. “I love you, you know that?”

Minho took a long and dramatic breath in, pressing his expanding chest to yours and you kind of regret tell him you love him because from the top of his lungs, he screamed,

“I LOVE YOU!!”

“Minho, shut up!!!”

“I LOVE YOU, _____!!”

The rest of the night until the following morning was spent with Minho’s arms wrapped tightly around you. The only time he ever let you go was when you burned the pancakes and needed his help making more.

Minho, the dorky, annoying, loving, sweet, dumbass of a friend was now YOUR dorky, annoying, loving, sweet dumbass.

He wasn’t so bad.

#lee minho #minho #lino #skz #stray kids #skz minho #skz lee know #stray kids minho #stray kids lee know #lee know #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #god i miss minho so much lmao #this was not edited :)))))))))))))))))))))sorry :)))))#i hope you like it!!! i put a lot of love in it bcuz i love lino :))))#YES IT'S FROM MY FIRST FIRST LOVE LMAO

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rightnowyoucanttell · 4 years ago

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Lone Star //: G.D

(This imagine is inspired by the song Lone Star by the Front Bottoms, it has got to be my favorite song ever. I dunno this idea came to for some crazy reason. I am not saying this is my opinion or trying to enforce my opinion, I don’t ever post my opinions on social media due to backlash, on the topic, i’m just simply writing an imagine. )

Y/N and Grayson have been dating for almost two years, when a night of tangled limbs winds you up pregnant, it overwhelms you. Leading a confused and scared Y/N to get an abortion behind Graysons back. Fed up with a nauseous wave of guilt, Y/N tells Grayson.

Warnings: angst, unwanted pregnancy, mentions of smut, abortion

The morning after you looked at your figure in the mirror. The doctor at the clinic said within the next three days your pregnancy symptoms would vanish or dial down to unnoticeable, you looked forward to that. After telling Grayson, there would likely be no reminders left besides the sonogram, you prepped yourself for him to leave, but deep down you would never be ready.

Your hand trailed your neck, where he had kissed longly and tenderly that night of tangled limbs. You traced down your arm where he had caressed you and wrapped his own strong arms around you as the night came to an end. The love mark had faded from present, to nearly gone, a slight purple glare stayed behind, he had done quite the number on you.

You had told Grayson about your pregnancy, how you were two months pregnant with his child who’s gender wouldn’t have been revealed months later, littand he was a genuinely excited after a while. The pure shock subsided and then he found his will to become a father again, that he clung to so tightly. He wanted to be as good as the man who raised him, he felt he owed him that much. Even if he was only twenty years old, despite that, he would do anything in his power to keep his child/children safe.

You on the other hand.. well.

You had just watched your bank account run dry, spending four-hundred and thirty seven dollars in an attempt to put things back to the way they used to be. Deep down, you felt wrong, you knew you would regret it, but, in some ways _you would have spent so much more. _That didn’t make it any easier. You pulled out your phone, sitting in your empty, cold from guilt, Los Angeles apartment and texted your boyfriend, wanting to do the damage and collect your potential losses. You loved Grayson, but, you couldn’t do it. No matter how much you, him or anyone else deep down wanted you to be able mother a child, you werent ready. And that guilt would cling onto you for the rest of your life.

You: Hey Gray, can you come over? We need to talk about things.. thanks, Y/N

Grayson: Of course, i’m glad were good now, at least that’s what i’ve collected. Want me to bring lunch?

Your heart chimed with the chimes of the cell phone alert. He still loved you, you still loved him. Which made this whole situation even harder. You decided to tell him to bring lunch, giving you a potential opportunity to ease your way in.

You: Sounds great. How about that Vegan Burger place, it’s on the way i figured i’d save you some gas.

Grayson: Haha, thanks, I appreciate it. The usual, times two? 😉

You froze when you thought about what he meant. He was so excited to be a dad, to do unto his own children what his father did, guide them on the right path, be there, listen, play. After all, anyone can be a father, but it took a special someone to be a dad. And Gray, he embodied that exactly, you felt guiltier than before.

You sighed and responded.

You: haha, yeah sure. Oh, but regular fries, no beer battered fries for me 😉😉

Grayson: Haha yeah. Love you, see you in twelve, approx.

You shut your phone off, he wouldn't say anything about no response. From the beginning you told him he walked on eggshells around you. After today, he would never ‘walk around you’ again. He would leave.

As Grayson drove, food in car, he thought about how he would tell his mom, Ethan who still didn’t know after the weeks of his knowledge, Cameron. ‘Hey, meet my pregnant girlfriend, future wife,’ Grayson chuckled to himself knowing that sounded ludacris, even in his head.

He pulled into the parking garage and headed through the lobby and into the elevator to the top floor where your apartment was. He knocked gently, back to the eggshells thing.

“Hey, c’mon in.” you invited grayson inside as the door scrapped across the carpet floor of the apartment. The two floor loft apartment had two bedrooms and one full bath with an amazing kitchen and view, you loved it. The two of you sat at the island counter and pawed through the brown paper bags stained with grease.

“I got you two black bean burgers and a large fry, I figured you’d only drink water, so no drinks. Caffeine pull back is in order...” he drifted off as he already saw you pawing through an order of fries shoveling them into your mouth, trying to play along with the pregnancy for as long as possible. You giggled earning a grin, laugh and graysons fingertips on his right hand running up and down your spine as he picked at him own food with his opposite hand.

Moments of bliss, happiness and baby talk passed, but you knew, it was time to tell him. Time to ruin the happiness and come back to the reality.

“That past few months have been rough, we can agree. Several times wished were both dead..” Grayson looked over to you mid bite into his vegetable spinach wrap in a confusion that swept over his facial expression,”I’ve never cried like that before. Nothing seems right, my hair cut how my clothes fit...”

“Y/N....” he set his wrap down on the paper wrapping and turned to face you on the bar stool.

“Grayson, I got an abortion.” you spit the truth out faster than you would have like to in hindsight.

“Excuse me?” he asked in shoretrievinging his hand from where he was rubbing your tentious shoulders.

“I’m sure you heard me, Gray.. I-”

“So, what? Now, what? Where do I go? Why? Why the fuck” a glass went flying off the island pushed by his back hand.

“Grayson- stop yelling-” Y/N tried to plead with him as the glass crashed to the floor into hundreds of pieces.

“You have no right to tell me what to do, this, this is over. I wanted that baby. You could have left after the birth, god... you ruined any chance of us fixing things. And what? You just played along this.. eating food, food I bought with my money? Using me, again, ain’t that right?” he was furious steaming quite literally. Y/N could feel the heat in his words and his positive now turn cold and negative energy.

“I’m sorry...” Y/N began to sobb, heavy wet tears that pooled in her eyelids and streamed mascara down her face, her breathing heavy ahiccupinging in her throat

“Oh don’t fucking tell me your sorry, when your not, Your just sorry you got caught in a situation in which you can’t lie further. Take a bow, you really had me going, the curtains closed.”

“Grayson-” you chased after him as he walked away,”Please,... I don’t deserve it, but stay, let’s discuss this as the adults were not. I was scared okay?”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? And, oh your ‘sorry’? Well, sorry-sorry doesn’t get me my baby back now does it Y/N. You deserve to be alone, gather your thoughts, and i’ll gather your things and drop them off. Maybe, down the road we can try this again. But for now, the only thing i’m giving you, is the award for the best liar, it goes to you...” he huffed glancing over his shoulder angrily looking at you and around the apartment before slamming the door behind him, knocking your first ultrasound photo off the cork board behind the door.

The baby whose life you took, because you were scared. Your apartment so small felt so big, replaying the moment the man you loved left your life because you were selfish.

{AHH first post, this sucks, but eh it’s okay I guess.

Find my instagram @ brokenvibes_2020, I make video edits, mostly the dolan twins but other fandoms too. }

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan x reader #followme #angst #graysondolanpregnant #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan imagines #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan angry #newtumblr #dolan twins fanfic #dolan twins imagine #grayson x reader

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thetravelerwrites · 5 years ago

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DuMont (Tiefling Barbarian)

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Female Elf Ranger/Male Tiefling Barbarian Additional Tags: Exophilia, Tiefling, Elf, Kobold, Half Elf, Human, Rogue, Bard, Barbarian, Ranger, Mage, Wizard, D&D, Dungeons & Dragons, Sex, Third Person Perspective Words: 5619

A tiefling left to die as an infant was raised in a cathedral tower with no contact with the outside. Once the person who raised him dies, he follows the voice of his patron god and finds new companions who teach him about the world. Among them is an elf woman with a surprising past.

Another super cool commission from @ocsmutpocalypse with amazing artwork from @sutexii (Follow them on Twitter)! Based heavily on D&D and featuring Rupert and Sanoh from a @momolady fic, which can currently be found on her Patreon! Please leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

DuMont hadn’t had the greatest start to life. He was born malformed, hideous even among his own people. Even as an infant, his cry was guttural and otherworldly. His parents, shocked at the sight of him, absconded with him in the dead of night, determined to get rid of what they saw as a mistake of nature. For tieflings, that was saying something. Upon reaching what appeared to be an abandoned cathedral, they were going to just leave the baby inside and let it starve.

They didn’t count on the fact that the cathedral’s elderly priest still lived and worshiped there, though he led a lonely existence since no one had come to receive blessings from him in many years. The discovery of an unfortunate child left on the altar of his crumbling church was less of an inconvenience to him and more of a gift from his long forgotten god, Montro. He therefore named the child DuMont, meaning “Son of Montro.”

The priest could not read, and as such, couldn’t teach DuMont to do so, either. However, he did recite the scriptures of Montro and several other gods in the same pantheon to DuMont, though in his advanced age, he often got them mixed up. DuMont was never sure which of the scriptures were true or not, or what scripture went with which god, but he thought it best not to question it.

Despite the lack of education and limited knowledge afforded to him by the priest, DuMont had an insatiable desire to learn. He was constantly asking the priest questions about this or that thing, much to the priest’s annoyance.

The priest had made it clear early in DuMont’s life that the world outside wouldn’t be safe for him, and that he would be safest in the tower. His own parents had left him to die, after all, so strangers couldn’t be expected to show him much mercy. Sadly, DuMont had accepted this. When not having scripture lessons or eating meals with the priest, DuMont spent his time in the cathedral’s tower, looking out of the broken slats at the world outside, barred from ever leaving.

He watched animals jump and frolic and play in the courtyard, many of which he had no name for. He watched people ambling down the roads, sometimes with horses and carts, sometimes walking. Some were human, like the priest, and some were tiefling, like him, but the other races he couldn’t identify. When he asked the priest, the old man merely told DuMont not to worry about it. He’d never leave this place, anyway, so there was no reason to concern himself with such trifles.

But, unknown to the priest, DuMont had been hearing a voice speak to him in the quiet of the darkness. It never said more than a word or two: wait, or be patient. There was always a bell that accompanied the voice DuMont was sure the priest couldn’t hear. Sometimes it was the rumbling toll of a church bell, other times it was the clear ringing of a hand bell, and still others it was the jingling, tinkling sound of dancer’s bells. DuMont didn’t know who or what the voice was, so he did not tell the priest for fear that he would reject him.

As he aged, he grew into a giant at nearly nine feet, far larger than the average tiefling. His muscles had grown massive from doing most of the heavy work for the priest, hauling marble reliefs and moldering pews by the stack. He still walked with a pronounced hunch, using his hands to propel him sometimes when his legs were too short to get the job done. His life was simple, and though he sometimes felt wistful for a different life beyond his reach, he was content.

Until one night while sleeping, he heard the voice waking him, resounding in his head like an alarm bell.

Go.

DuMont sat up, startled. That was a new one.

Outside. Now. It’s time.

Lurching to his feet, he felt compelled to obey the voice, and despite his nerves at never having stepped foot out of the church since the day he arrived, he went down, opened the doors, and, slowly, gingerly placed his foot on the cold stone steps outside.

The first thing that hit his senses was the cool night air, fresher than he’d ever breathed, blowing across his skin. The second was the sight of the priest who’d raised him, lying still and stiff on the walkway, his eyes open but unseeing.

Death. DuMont knew what this was; the priest had explained it, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Feeling heavy, heartsick, and a little confused, he picked the priest up, took him back into the church, and laid his body on the altar, kneeling and praying as the priest had taught him.

But… now what?

Go.

For the first time, DuMont questioned the voice.

“Where?”

Outside. Time to go. You are needed.

“By who?”

The voice was silent. DuMont did as he instructed, leaving what had been his home all his life with a pang of anxiety, and stepping cautiously toward the road, not sure what would happen.

He didn’t have to wait long. In the early morning hours, just as dawn began to break, he saw two figures coming down the road; one was human, with a freckled face, wild brown hair, and vivid blue eyes, and the other creature he couldn’t begin to fathom what it was, with it’s reptilian form and flowing blue frock. They were holding hands and talking, laughing, and leaning close. DuMont tried to parse out what such behavior meant, but came up with nothing.

Suddenly, they stopped, catching sight of him. The… female? She immediately drew a weapon, but the human put a hand on it and lowered it gently, shaking his head. He stepped forward and pushed the other creature behind him.

“Hello, friend,” He said, a little trepidatiously. “My name is Rupert. Can I ask you your name?”

DuMont was silent for a moment. He’d never spoken to anyone besides the priest, who had often told him that his voice was too loud and harsh for the ear, suggesting that he whisper instead.

“DuMont,” He responded slowly, quietly. “I am DuMont.” He pointed at the female creature. “What are you?”

“Well, that’s rude,” She said, hands on her hips.

“No, Darling, I think he literally doesn’t know what race you are,” Rupert said. “This is Sanoh. She’s a creature known as a kobold. They’re related to lizardfolk.”

DuMont stared blankly; then again, that’s just how his face looked. But he was genuinely perplexed.

“Um…” Rupert hummed, trying to get a feel for this. “We were looking for a place to rest. We’ve been on the road for a couple of days and have been sleeping on the roadside. Do you know where we could bed down for a while?”

DuMont turned and pointed. The crumbling cathedral sat on the hill.

“Do you live there?” Sanoh asked.

“Yes,” DuMont said, keeping his voice carefully modulated. “In the tower.”

“Would it be okay if we stayed a day or two? We could pay you for the trouble?” Rupert offered.

“Pay?” DuMont repeated.

Sanoh’s spiky eyebrows furrowed. “Just how long have you been in that tower?”

“Until today,” DuMont replied.

Rupert and Sanoh exchanged a look.

“Do you want to live there?”

DuMont thought about it. “No. I want to learn.”

“How about this,” Rupert said. “We’ll stay in the cathedral for a few days, rest up and everything, and then when we’re ready to leave, you come with us. It sounds like you could use some fresh air, maybe see the world a little. What do you say?”

Hunched, feeling slightly vulnerable, DuMont nodded his massive head in agreement.

Enania Enjor, princess of the Elven kingdom of Zylthana, had the best childhood a person could want. A legion of servants at her beck and call, as much food, wine, and money as she could ever use, the nicest clothes, the finest jewelry. Parents and siblings who doted on her, the unshakable love of her people. All of it decadent and indulgent.

All of it boring. Tedious. Dull. More adjectives. All the bad ones.

One day, Enania decided she was sick of it. Her older brother was the crown prince; they didn’t really need her to be around. Besides, they’d likely marry her off to some stuffy noble to strengthen their hold in the north, and she had no interest in that at all. So, plain and simple, she ran away.

In the middle of the night, she packed a light rucksack with clothes and a large sum of coin, dodged her retainers, and took off on her horse, a very expensive breed gifted to her on her eighteenth birthday by a lord hoping to gain her favor. Too bad he was just as boring as the rest of the prissy, fussy dandies of the court.

After deciding to change her name to Kharis for anonymity and cutting off her family’s signature black curls, she left a note asking her parents not to send anyone to follow her, that she’s come to visit, that she was fine and just exploring the world a bit and not to cramp her style. She signed it, “love you!” so, you know, that was good enough.

Fortunately, she had insisted the captain of her father’s guard teach her the best fighting techniques for a person of her height and build. Unfortunately, in just a few short months, she had made quite a name for herself in a few small towns. As in, she had been kicked out of them for theft and starting fights. At some point it became necessary to sell her horse to keep herself fed and a roof over her head at night. Even still, she was having the time of her life, loving the unpredictable aspect of it all.

One afternoon, after nicking her lunch from a particularly unobservant baker, she was wandering a long neglected country road, overgrown with weeds and brambles, when she stumbled upon an old, derelict cathedral sitting on a hill, surrounded by sinister looking trees. Any sane person would stay well away from that place. Naturally, she smiled and began to jog toward it.

Opening the front door, she peered inside at the interior. There were pews lined up as if service were about to take place, except they were all disintegrating and covered in mold. There were cobwebs in every corner, every archway. She felt like just calling out to whoever might be inside would send dust falling from the rafters.

Even still.

“Hello?” She said in a moderately loud voice, echoing throughout the great hall. “Is anyone here?”

There was a clattering and low voices from a room in the back. She followed them and came upon a tiny kobold woman and a tallish human man speaking to each other in an undertone.

“Hey,” Kharis said, startling them. “You guys priests here?”

“Oh, gods, no,” The human said. “The priest has died. The last keeper of this place has kindly allowed us to stay here a few days to rest before we continue on.”

“Oh,” Kharis said. “I’m Kharis. Who are you two, by the way?”

Rupert and Sonah introduced themselves.

“Where are you two headed?” Kharis asked.

“Shornstone,” Sonah said. “We’re meeting up with a mage friend of his.” She gestured at Rupert. “What about you. Why are you here?”

“I’m traveling, too,” Kharis replied. “I’ve been doing it alone, but I’d be happy for some company, if you two are up for it.”

Sonah glanced at Rupert and shrugged. “She seems like she’d be fun.”

Rupert looked at Kharis dubiously, but nodded. “Well, we’d be okay with it, but you should ask DuMont when he comes back in.”

“Who?”

“The church keeper,” Rupert said. “He’ll be traveling with us, too. The priest, the one who died, raised him.” He pointed out toward the cemetery. “He’s out there burying him now.”

“Well, then, I’ll go ask,” Kharis said, turning to head out of the side door.

“Ah, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea!” Rupert called after her. “The poor fellow is in mourning! Leave him be!”

Ignoring him, she strode out into the afternoon air, looking for the keeper.

He was hard to miss. There, kneeling near a newly filled-in grave was a massive beast of a creature, something she had never seen before, and being royalty, she had seen quite a lot. He sat there silently, with four wide, unblinking eyes of red sclera and yellow pupils, and the bone of his lower jaw exposed, clinging to his head by a few sinews and tendons, fangs jutting out. Muscle was exposed here and there down his chest, his skin red and looked gravelly to the touch. His horns, taking up all of the space on the top of his head, were swirled with what looked like veins.

She approached as quietly as she could, unsure of this… person… or what he might do if disturbed.

“…excuse me…” She said gently.

He sat up from his crouch slightly and turned his head to stare at her. He said nothing and didn’t move.

“Hello,” She said. “Rupert and Sanoh said I should come out and introduce myself, seeing as how we’ll all be traveling together. I mean, if that’s alright with you,” she added hastily.

Still, he said nothing, just stared at her with unnerving intensity.

“You are DuMont, right?” She asked uncertainly.

“Yes,” He said. His voice was guttural and as gravelly as his skin, but it sounded as though he was intentionally trying to suppress it.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” Kharis said, laughing.

“You are a stranger,” He said plainly.

She gave a conceding nod. “That’s true.” She held out her hand. “I’m Kharis,” She said.

He reached out a hand that could have easily twice the size of her head and took her tiny one in it.

“Hello,” He said.

“See?” She said, letting go. “Now we’re not strangers anymore.” She gestured at the grave. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded and returned to his mourning, silent once more, the conversation seemingly over. Kharis left him and went back inside.

The next morning, after a breakfast that was made up of half of what was left of the cathedral’s larder, the other half of which was packed up for the trip, DuMont joined his three new friends on the road. He brought with him one of the smaller church bells, roughly the size of a barrel, the only clothes he owned, a vest and trousers ripped short around his knees, and left everything else behind He took one last moment to look back at the only home he’d ever known and bid it a final farewell, then followed behind the others toward an unknown, uncertain future.

Months went by. Rupert met up with his friend, Norman, a half-elf with tan skin and dark brown hair escaping an unhappy marriage, and added him to the group. They became adventurers then, traveling the country and taking jobs from local towns, clearing out dungeons and castles of unwanted creatures and such, chasing bandits, bounty hunting, and just generally any job that paid enough to spark their collective interest.

After one particularly nasty job involving an ogre that had taken up residence in a local elf’s wine cellar who’d nearly bitten off Kharis’s head, they were sitting around a campfire, discussing the details and counting out the coins between them.

All except for DuMont. He didn’t understand the purpose of money. He had told them they could keep any money they found or were given as long as they kept him fed. He didn’t need much to be happy; seeing the beauty and strangeness of the world that he could only have guessed at in his tower was plenty reward for him.

It had taken DuMont some time to open up to his new friends, but he enjoyed their company, even learning to laugh and joke, though he was still careful not to startle anyone with his voice. He was still hesitant to join their conversations; they often used words he didn’t understand, and he was too embarrassed to ask what they meant, afraid they would think him simple-minded. If they didn’t already, that is.

“Some wizard you are!” Sanoh was saying at Norman. “That fireball nearly singed the scales on my tail more than it did anything to to ogre!” She was carefully cleaning her scales, polishing them to a emerald shine.

“It’s partly your fault for being so noticeable!” He said, gesturing at her gleaming scales and jewelry. “What part of the concept of stealth is lost on you!”

“Hey, I am plenty stealthy,” She retorted. “You just suck at magic.”

“Bullshit!” He said, sitting up from his prone position and rolling up his sleeves.”I’ll summon lightning right now.”

“Oh, I’d love to see you try,” Sanoh replied smugly, folding her arms.

“Honey,” Rupert said nervously, putting an arm around her shoulder and snugging her in protectively. “Do you have to provoke Norman?”

“Yes,” Said said staunchly. “You’re a better mage than he is, and you don’t even try.”

“You just watch,” Norman said. He gestured with his hands and muttered in Arcane. The other four watched him with interest and caution as blue energy formed around his hands. DuMont twitched his head curiously, Rupert leaned away as Sanoh and Kharis leaned forward, watching eagerly. The blue energy fizzled and cracked, and in a flash of blue light that made everyone close their eyes against it. The sound of yipping opened their eyes again.

There, sitting in Norman’s grip, was a small dog, a corgi, happily barking and attempting to lick his face. Norman sat there, dumbfounded.

“I cast lightning!” He exclaimed, not sure what to do with the wiggling thing now in his hands. He set it down, and the dog turned circles and ran straight for DuMont, who reached out gingerly to touch the dog’s soft fur.

“Maybe its name is Lightning,” Kharis said. Everyone laughed. “Besides, it wasn’t you that was the problem. Stupid here needs to learn to swing that thing better.”

She gestured at DuMont’s weapon, a large, thick rail that he had tied the church bell to as a bludgeon. Dumont’s hands stilled for a second, but he said nothing and continued to pet the dog, who had nestled in his lap and was sighing happily.

That night, the fire died a little and everyone bedded down. The dog, who they all agreed must be named Lightning, slept in DuMont’s arms, who slept on the cold ground with no covering. Kharis, nearly dozing in her bedroll as everyone else snoozed, heard the words, “I’m not stupid,” in a soft, gravelly tone. She also heard someone get up, the sound of a disappointed dog being deposited on the ground, and large feet stalking off into the woods.

Kharis lay there, thinking. She hadn’t meant it as an insult, really; she was just being playful. But if she thought about it, she did kind of assume he was not intelligent. He didn’t talk much, and when he did, it was simple sentences and basic answers. She hadn’t really given it much thought; she hadn’t really given him much thought beyond being the muscle of the group, assuming he was all mass and no substance, like the guards in the castle. Then again, maybe she was to quick to make such assumptions and it was just not something that she’d ever had to worry about.

Annoyed, though uncertain at who, she got out of her bedroll and tracked DuMont’s footprints out into the brush, not bothering to be quiet about it. But when she found him, she stopped short.

DuMont was sitting crouched with his knees drawn up, gently scratching the chin of a fawn, stroking its side and whispering to it softly.

For a moment, Kharis just watched. She had him pegged so wrong.

Then, when shifting her weight, she snapped a twig and both DuMont and the baby deer looked up. The deer took off, and left DuMont reaching after it in disappointment.

“Why did you do that?” He asked, still speaking quietly, like always. “I’d never seen a branch walker close up before.”

She was about to apologize when she stopped and tilted her head, confused. “A what?”

“A branch walker,” DuMont said. “At least, that’s what I call them. I never learned what they’re actually called.”

“How could you not know that?”

He shrugged. “Father Jor never told me. He was the only person I knew when I lived in the tower. No one else was allowed to see me, and he only talked about scriptures, so I don’t know much about the outside, even things as simple as what branch walkers are really called.”

Kharis frowned. “Why don’t you ask us when you come across something you don’t know?”

He looked away. “I don’t want any of you to think I’m stupid.”

Her frown turned to a grimace. “That was a deer,” Kharis said. “A fawn specifically, which is a baby deer.”

He turned to look at her. “Deer.”

“Right.”

“Hmm…” He hummed. “That,” He said, pointing to a rabbit in the distance. “What is that?”

“What do you call it?” She asked, crouching down next to him with a smile.

“A pawpopper,” He said.

She laughed, but not in a mocking way. “It’s a rabbit,” She said. “What else? I feel like I could do this all night.”

“Would you? I just want to learn,” He said. She’d heard him say that before, but she hadn’t realized how sincere he’d been. She did indeed spend the night walking through the forest with him, trading names of the creatures and plants.

DuMont opened up even more after that, talking more freely and openly, especially with Kharis. Whenever he was confused about something, he’d ask her about it in private and she would explain it to him. He thought she may have told the others, because they also went out of their way to point out interesting things and talk to him about new things he’d never seen. He was grateful they understood and never made him feel dumb.

Several weeks later, after another ogre job, they had all gone to bed for the night, when DuMont got up as everyone was asleep to relieve himself in the woods. When he returned, he noticed Rupert and Sanoh sneaking away from the camp, hand in hand. They had left their belongings, but there seemed to be an urgency in their steps. Curious, he followed.

Despite how large he was, DuMont could move extremely quietly, so the couple never heard or saw him approach. He squatted down, watching as Rupert and Sanoh pressed their faces together, their lips sucking at each other in an odd display. They began to disrobe, showing Rupert’s skinny body and Sanoh’s tiny but voluptuous one. They touched each other’s skin all over, stumbling their way to the ground. Sanoh lay on the ground with Rupert between her legs, his tongue out and pressed against a fleshy entrance located there. She gasped and writhed under him, and he held her hips in place as he suctioned his mouth to the spot, making her moan loudly.

Afterward, Sanoh, despite her petite size, managed to shove Rupert on his back, and DuMont saw his… staff, as he called it… standing straight up. DuMont’s own staff twitched under his rough-hewn trousers, which was a new sensation.

He watched as Sanoh climbed onto Rupert, pushing Rupert’s staff into her entrance and gasping. Rupert gasped as well and grasped her… DuMont didn’t have a word for those. They were scaled, but also soft and squishy and they both seemed to enjoy playing with them.

Sanoh bounced and rocked on Rupert, her breathing coming faster and faster. Rupert grunted and moaned under her, his hips thrusting up into her. After some time of groaning and whimpering, both Sanoh and Rupert cried out as if in pain, their bodies tensing and quivering, and they finally collapsed, Sanoh on Rupert’s chest, his arms around her. They didn’t speak, just lay together, breathing hard, recovering. After a while, Sanoh sat up and grinned down at Rupert, doing the face-pressing thing again. Then they got up and began to clean themselves and redress. DuMont decided this would be a good time to retreat.

As he returned to camp, he saw Kharis coming out of the forest, restrapping her belt around her waist.

“Where were you?” She asked. “Where’s Rupert and Sanoh?”

“They…” DuMont started, pointing. “They’re… I don’t know…”

Kharis’s face split into a knowing grin. “Ah, I see. I’ve caught them sneaking off a few times. They think they’re so discreet.”

“You know what they…?” DuMont asked curiously.

“Ohhhh,” Kharis said softly. “It makes sense you wouldn’t have had the sex talk.”

“Sex talk?” He repeated, tilting his head.

“Yeah,” She said, turning and waving at him. “Come with me, I’ll tell you about it in private, so we don’t wake anyone. It’s sort of an awkward conversation to have.”

He tilted his head the other way like a puppy, but followed her. She led him to the river nearby and told him to sit back against a tree. He complied and she sat down next to him.

“Okay, so, what did you see?”

He described the things he had seen Rupert and Sanoh do. “I thought they were hurting each other at first, but they seemed to like it.”

She laughed softly. “It’s called sex. Most people do it.”

“Why?”

“Because it feels good, most of the time. Secondarily, it’s to make babies.”

“Were Rupert and Sanoh trying to make babies?”

Kharis snorted. “I highly doubt it. Rupert’s in no shape to be a dad, and I have my doubts about Sanoh, too.”

“So, they were doing it because it feels good?”

“Yeah,” Kharis confirmed. “Rupert and Sanoh have been together for a long while, I’ve gathered.”

“Traveled together, you mean?”

She shook her head. “No, together together.”

He grumbled uncertainly. “I don’t understand.”

A shocked look crossed her face. “Oh. Oh boy, this is going to be more complicated than I thought. See… Rupert and Sanoh are in love.”

“Love?”

Kharis dragged her fingers down her face and groaned in exasperation. “Okay, so when people, usually two people, but it can be more than that occasionally, feel an attraction or a closeness to each other, and they care about them, it can turn into love. Love is… hard to explain.” She bit her lip and looked into the distance, thinking. “It’s like… I don’t know. I’ve never been in love.”

DuMont watched her flounder. He’d never known her to not be able to explain something. He thought she knew about everything.

“So sometimes people have sexual feelings. They want to feel good and they want to make their partner feel good, too. So they… have sex. People who love each other, who care very much about each other, tend to have sex a lot.” She tilted her head in thought. “Sometimes people don’t even care about the person they have sex with, though, they just want to feel good. Sometimes people can make themselves feel good. There’s lots of ways to feel pleasure.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

She looked at him, intrigued. “Well, haven’t you ever… touched yourself?”

He placed a hand on his chest. “Like this?”

She laughed a little. “No, I mean…” She pointed at the crux of his legs. His staff jumped again.

“No,” He replied.

She shrugged a little mischievously. “Why don’t you try?”

“Right now?”

“Why not?”

He grunted. Slowly, he undid his belt and unlaced his trousers, opening them and letting his staff fall free. It was large, proportionate to his size, and made Kharis’s eyes widen.

“That’s a penis, by the way,” Kharis said with a smile. “I mean, there are other names for it, but officially, it’s called a penis.”

“What do I do?” He asked.

“Wrap a hand around it and stroke it up and down,” She said. “Like when you clean your rail after a battle.”

Tentatively, he reached down and took hold of it. It was soft, but was beginning to harden as he touched it. He had awoken sometimes with it hard, but he hadn’t known what to do about it and just waited until it went away. This was different than washing himself. It did… feel kind of good.

“Do you like it?” She asked, watching.

“I… I think so,” He said. “I’m not sure if I’m doing it right.”

“Then let me help,” She said, standing up and kneeling between his legs. He was surprised, and quite nervous, as she knelt there and took his… penis… in her hands. She needed both to get the job done, but it felt much, much better when she did it than when he did. She bent her head to lick it, and he gasped, his body tensing. She looked up at him and pulled her mouth off of him with a pop.

“Would you like to try what Sanoh and Rupert were doing?” She asked in a low, sultry voice.

“Do you love me?” He asked.

She tilted her head and considered him. “I care about you, DuMont. I don’t know if it’s love, but I care very much about you.”

“I… care for you, too,” DuMont said. “I have for a time.”

“So…? Would you?”

DuMont nodded. “I want to learn.”

She smiled and stood, beginning to undress in front of him. Her skin was flawless and smooth, unlike his. She seemed to him like a statue of a goddess in mortal form.

“You’re pretty big,” She said. “You might have to get me ready to take you.”

“How?”

“Remember what Rupert did to Sanoh with his tongue?” She said, sitting in the soft grass. “You won’t be able to use your mouth, but I bet your tongue is plenty talented.”

DuMont let his tongue spill out of his mouth. It was twice as long as her arm. Her eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, tha-that’ll do it.” She lay back and spread her legs. He looked at the flower between them and salivated. His thick tongue pressed itself there, and she moved against it, her head falling back in the grass. He followed her instructions, and before long, she was gasping for breath and begging him not to stop.

She stood up suddenly, dripping and flushed, and pushed him back, kissing his neck and chest. The contact felt different than before: it electrified his body and make his muscles tense. She sat him back against the tree and positioned herself over him, much like Sanoh had done with Rupert, and lowered herself down. Her brows drew together and her mouth opened as she slowly took him inside herself.

“Does it hurt?” He asked. He’d only ever seen that face on people who were in pain.

“No, it feels amazing,” She breathed back, situating herself on top of him. He was also experiencing an incredible feeling being inside. The walls were tensing and contracting around him, and it felt indescribable. At least to him.

“Thrust up,” She instructed him, and he obliged, careful not to hurt her until she shouted, “Harder!” They moved together wordlessly, huffing and moaning, and DuMont thought his heart might explode. This was bliss. This was more than any scripture or book could convey. This was holy. He heard the bells in his head and knew he was right where he was supposed to be.

“Hold me up,” She said breathlessly, putting her arms under her knees and pressing her knees to her chest. He put his massive hands around her sides, his fingers meeting in the back, and held her up, balanced on his lap.

“Thrust hard,” She commanded, and he obeyed. She howled in pleasure, and he himself began to grunt much louder than he intended. He wasn’t quite in control of his volume in this state, but for the first time, he didn’t care.

“Oh, gods,” She said between gasps. “I’m going to cum.”

He didn’t know what that meant, but he was feeling a pressure in his loins that was reaching a boiling point. As the wall of pleasure hit him, he roared for the first time, shouting out his ecstasy for the world to hear. She was also crying out as ribbons of his seed spurted out as quickly as it shot into her. He almost lost his grip on her, but she let go of her legs and tumbled forward onto his chest, wheezing. He was having trouble controlling his breath, as well.

They lay there, much the same as Rupert and Sanoh had done, and he cuddled her against his chest. He was still inside her and wasn’t willing to remove himself just yet. She was so warm against him.

Suddenly she sat up and looked around her in confusion.

“What’s the matter?” DuMont asked.

“Didn’t you hear that?” She asked him.

“No,” He replied. “What did you hear?”

“I could have sworn I heard a church bell tolling in the distance,” She said, still looking around. “It’s awfully strange for a bell to toll in the middle of the night.”

“It’s not strange,” DuMont said, smiling a little. “It’s a blessing.”

She looked at him with a dubious smile, but lay back down on his chest with a satisfied sigh.

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My Masterlist

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#Exophilia #Ocsmutpocalypse #Tiefling #Elf #Interspecies Romance #Third Person Perspective #Third Person POV

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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649

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yeah, of course. What did you do yesterday? I spent the morning hungover because I drank the night before, but I had to be in class by 10 AM so I had no choice but to drive to school. My classes were thankfully pretty chill, and the most random thing that happened was my prof making us take a speed typing test in the middle of our class lol. Otherwise, it was a normal school day. Something you really want right now? More moneyyyy. I blew most of it last Wednesday when me and my girlfriend had drinks up in Marco Polo. Hotels obviously jack up their prices on everything, and alcohol is no exception so what I’d pay for a cocktail in my school’s area got quadrupled in Marco Polo. But I had a loooot of fun that night, so I can’t say I regret it even though I lost most of my allowance. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? [continued from yesterday because I just had suuuch a hectic week] Like I’ve said, the idea of revenge is something I daydream about just to feel internally satisfied, but I never feel the need to act on it. How long have you liked the person you like? Six, maybe even seven years.

Are you happy with the way things are going? For the most part. I could go with less worry/anxiety, but I mean I can’t say I’m miserable. Would you ever get a tattoo? Only if I feel like the time is right, which is a FAR cry from “get tattoos of all the things you love”-era Robyn lmao. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yes. April is my birth month, and I’d hate to be single by then lol. What plans do you have for tomorrow? I finally have my rest day tomorrow, which I’m fuuuucking stoked about. It’s been such a busy busy week and I’m just so relieved that all I have to do tomorrow is sit and lounge around. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Not really. I kinda cut off friendships with two guys because they annoyed me over some issue, but the thing is they’re part of our high school group so I can’t avoid them forever – I see them when we have reunions, but I don’t mingle with them. What are you listening to right now? I can hear the electric fan whirring in front of me but in my head Simmer by Hayley Williams is playing as loud as ever. Do you and your last ex hate each other? No. What are you afraid of? I hate uncertainty the most, but some other things I’m afraid of are failing in general, videos that make me stressed like footage of collapsing/fainting people or racist people making tirades on public transport, flying cockroaches, sharp objects, and fire. When was the last time you were sick? Some time last year, I got a fever for like two hours but I was totally fine after. But the last time I was SICK sick was sometime in 2017 – but even that was only an overnight thing. I don’t remember the last time I was sick for over a day. Do you tend to waste a lot of money? LMAOOO don’t even remind me. I literally have a single P50 bill left in my wallet – that’s less than a dollar to ya. Do you have trust issues? No, not at all. Do you think this year will be better than last? I’m genuinely unsure, and I’d rather not guess or mull over it. 2020 is going to be a year of so much change – graduating college, getting my first job, maybe moving out for the first time?, not knowing if my girlfriend is going to pursue a master’s abroad, what that means for us, etc. Big things are waiting, and I HATE the uncertainty of it all. I take surveys to forget, so please don’t remind me of things I go here to forget, haha. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No. Are you a jealous person? I can be, but like I’m not obsessed with being jealous. When was the last time you got a haircut? 2018. I desperately need a dramatic haircut. Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Yeah I know people who’ve told me about it, but I’m sure there are more people I know that haven’t told me they do weed. Who is the last person you rode in a car with? I was with Luisa and Hannah and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t the one driving! Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I ask people this and they always tell me I’m a perfect mix. Apparently the top half of my face looks like my dad, and the bottom half is all my mom. Are there any stressful situations in your life? Yep a little bit yep yep yep. If you were caught cheating would you fess up? If I was already caught, I’d be incredibly stupid to still deny it so yeah, I’d confess. The last time you honestly felt broken? Maybe Monday? Idk, I cried pretty hard that day, harder than I normally would. What do you really want right now? I want this stupid internet speed to be faster because I need to send emails ASAP, and I need some good fucking food. I am not the happiest camper right now lmao. Best thing about the last person you chatted on facebook? He’s literally the most reliable dude ever. I can always depend on him to help me out no matter how last-minute it is. Best thing about the last person you talked to in person? She’s generous. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Yesterday. Is there someone you wish you were closer to? At this point, not really. I’m happy with my circle and there haven’t been new people who entered my life recently. Have any addictions? Nope. Are you anything like your siblings? We’re all reserved, but then again out of all the three of us I’m still the biggest extrovert and I’m also probably the one who finds it easy to blend in with most groups. But yeah, we all definitely have a layer of extreme shyness in us. We’re also never upfront about our feelings, so when we cry we do it in the privacy of our own rooms, or if we’re upset we rant about it to our own friends. Have you ever had a stalker? I don’t think so. Have you ever received an injury from a hook up? LOL what? No I haven’t. That sounds wild though. What did you last eat? A brownie and a sip of coffee. What was the best concert you have been to? PARAMORE. UGH. THEY HAVE THE BEST CONCERTS. I’ve seen them twice and I plan to see them three, four, and the next bajillion times. Paramore forever <3 Who is the last person you hugged? I’m not 100% sure. Maybe Laurice. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? I have a couple, yeah. Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? This survey is a big secret for one, lmao. Where do you get your clothes? It depends. I shop everywhere so I get my clothes from a variety of places. They’re mostly from independent shops/stalls that pop up once in a while at malls, though. Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? [continued YET AGAIN from last night because I am just one big exhausted bean] Again, this Tumblr is a pretty big secret. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? There are several people who meet this category. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? I like sleeping with someone only if they’re my significant other. Otherwise, I like my own space when I sleep. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? No, I haven’t. When was the last time something bothered you? I am bothered at this moment, hence the survey-taking haha. Who was the first male you talked to today? My dog. But if he doesn’t count, it was Andrew. Are you completely over your past relationships? I’ve only been with one person. Do you get attached to people easily? No, it only ever happens with select people. But when I get attached, it happens hard. Are you currently looking forward to anything? Uhhhh sure. I’m dreading most of this week but my high school’s annual school fair is happening this Friday and Saturday and that’s the only thing I’m excited for. Do you believe in love? Yes. Let's be honest, have you ever been played by someone? Can’t say I have. Have you ever played someone? Yes, this I’ve done. I still feel bad about it occasionally but I’m sure the person has long gotten past it. What is currently on your mind? How sad I am and that I have to focus on this survey so I can be distracted. Would it hurt seeing the last person you kissed, kissing someone else? Of course. How many piercings have you had in your life? Just two. Who else is in the room with you? I’m the only one in the dining room but my brother is also here downstairs. Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? [It’s 12 hours later. This is the absolute slowest I’ve ever worked on a survey lmao] No, it was always the other way around HAHAHA Did you eat breakfast today? I haven’t yet but I’m not feeling hungry so I might just settle for a cup of coffee. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago watching a clip from an NBA game having a moment of silence for Kobe Bryant. I was never into basketball but we DID have a copy of NBA Live 2003, and whenever I played it I always used the Lakers team so that I got to play as either Shaq or Kobe, so I’m sad and shocked, to say the least. Do you like tea? Just sugary iced tea. None of that herbal stuff. When was the last time you took a nap? Yesterday afternoon. What song is stuck in your head? Simmer, by Hayley Williams. As has been the case in the last four days. Do you have a TV in your room? I used to, but my brother would always be the one using it to play his video games so I eventually just gave it to him. Have you ever broken a bone? Nope. And I’m always extra careful so that I never have to go through such an injury. Have you ever had stitches? ^ Same answer. Are you wearing a sweatshirt? No...it’s starting to get warmer for sweatshirts now :( Have you taken a shower in the last 24 hours? Yes. Are there things in your life that you'll never be able to get over? Of course. There’s been a fair share of deaths, betrayals, abusive family shit that I’ve had to go through and that aren’t easy to forget. Can you remember who you liked this time last year? Yes. What's one physical flaw you'd like to fix about yourself? Straightening my teeth. What do you do when you're feeling extremely nervous? Uh it depends on whatever helps me at that time. I’d pace around, fiddle with my eyebrows, breathe deeply, shake my hands rapidly, bite my nails, etc. Do you have a hard time letting go? Yes. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I doubt it. What do you plan on doing now? Making my cup of coffee and taking another survey to make up for the embarassment that is taking three days of finishing this one lmao.

#survey #surveys

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96xie · 5 years ago

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2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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What are you planning to do tomorrow? Tomorrow is Halloween, but I’m not doing anything special. I’ll just watch scary movies, which I’ve been doing all month, and chill with my family. Probably get some takeout. Are you comfortable with your height? I wish I was a little bit taller. Ha, cue Skee-lo “I Wish.” Last text received? My dad letting me know he was on his way home from work yesterday. Whats your favorite subject in school? My favorite was always English. Many of my psych courses in college were as well, which is what I majored in. Whats your least favorite subject in school? Me and math never got along. Are you afraid of heights? Yes.

Are you afraid of the dark? I sleep with my TV on because I can’t have it be completely dark. Or quiet. Are you a jealous person? I feel envy more. I haven’t felt jealous in a long time. Do you miss anyone right now? There’s a few someones I’ll always miss. How do you feel about your hair? I hate it right now. I badly need to get it dyed, trimmed, and styled. Do sleep with a stuffed animal? I have 3 that sit on my bed. Do you sleep with the light on? I sleep with the TV on for a little sound and light. Do you sleep with the fan on? Yes. Were you happy when you woke up today? I never wake up happy. I wake up feeling like a zombie. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yeah. Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. Do you drink coffee? Duhhh. Do you find piercings attractive? No. I don’t mind some, I just don’t find them particularly attractive. Do you find tattoos attractive? Same thing I said about piercings. When is your birthday? July 28th. How long are you on the computer? I spend a lot of time on here. Do you watch a lot of TV? Yeah. It’s on as background noise a lot, but I’ll tune in and out to it. I do have my shows I watch and am into, though. Or if there’s a movie I like that’s on. I multitask between that and being on the computer. What was the last movie you watched? On TV it was Halloween (2007) yesterday and in theaters it was Joker last week. What was the last TV show you watched? Catfish. Do you curse in front of your parents? No. Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? That happened already with a lot of people these past few years. :/ Do you like your phone? Yeah. Have you ever taken a road drip? Yes. Are you happy right now? No. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. Have you ever written a story? Yeah. I used to write short stories when I was like 13/14. Man, I wish I still had those. What are you listening to right now? An ASMR video. Do you watch American Idol? No. I did when it first started and many seasons after that, but one the original judges started leaving I lost interest. Whats your favorite number? 8. Whats the last thing you ate? Ramen. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Gray. How is the weather right now? Nice and cold. Are you too shy to ask someone out? There isn’t anyone I want to ask out, but yeah I’m never the one to make the first move. What were you doing before this? Another survey. Do you have any pets? I have a 2 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing? Yeah. Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten? No. Do you like to travel by plane? I’ve only done it twice, but I might be traveling via plane next year. :O Do you use chapstick? Not often enough. I should. When did you last cry? A few days ago. What did you do today? So far just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos. Do you drink a lot of water? I need to drink more. I only drink like 1-2 bottles a day. What was the last website you visited? Google. How long do you think you will live? Blah. What do you spend most of your money on? Clothes. What did you eat for lunch today? I haven’t had lunch, yet, but I’m sure I’ll have a sandwich like I usually do. Do you eat breakfast? Usually. Do you eat junk food every day? I guess ramen could be considered junk food and I eat that like every night. Otherwise, no I’m not a snacker like I used to be. My appetite changed a lot a few years ago and I have some eating issues. How’s your life going lately? Blah. Do you like the winter time? Love it. Have you ever had to get your blood drawn? Countless times now. Do like eating mashed potatoes? Yesss. Are you a good cook? I make a pretty good bowl of ramen, ha. What is the most important thing to you? God and my family. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? No. I don’t have an interest in anyone like that currently. When was the last time someone put you on the spot? Surveys like to do that. Do you lie about your age? No. I have no reason to. I’m 30 and old, ha. Have you ever been stung by a bee? No, thankfully. Who was the last person you high fived? Probably my mom. Who made you mad today? No one has. Do you like whip cream? Yeah, I like it in hot chocolate and like latte/mochas/cappuccinos. I don’t like whipped cream frosting, though. Give me buttercream. Do you know how to swim? Nope. Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. Could you go a whole month without cursing? Yeah. I don’t cure a lot anyway. Are you close to your mother? Very. Are you close to your father? No. We don’t have a bad relationship, but it’s not like the one my mom and I have. It’s just different. Do you miss your past? I miss a lot of things about my past. Are you any good at math? Nope. Do you look at the keyboard when you type? No. Who hugged you last? My mom. Who’s one person you can tell everything to? Ya’ll. ha. Do you keep things bottled up inside? I keep to myself a lot “in real life”, but I share a lot in surveys. Has anyone let you down lately? Just myself as always. Do you call anyone by their last name? No. Have you ever been called a bad influence? No. Do you have a lucky number? I don’t believe in luck, but I have a favorite number: 8. What scares you the most? Losing my loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life and just wasting away. What did you do today? Just a few surveys and watched a few ASMR videos so far. It’s only 3:22AM. Why do you feel the way you feel? Good question! I’d sure like to know what the hell is wrong with me. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Starbucks Doubleshot. What woke you up this morning? My body will wake itself up. Do you have a best friend to lean on? I have my family. Do you ever have wierd confusing dreams? All the time. How is your hair right now? A mess. When was the last time you went shopping? Earlier this month my mom and I did a little shopping at the mall. We went grocery shopping last week. Did you laugh a lot today? Not so far, but like I said it’s only 3 in the morning. Do you know what pseudo means? Yes. Was there anyone who made your day today? Sigh. Are you liking how you look today? No. Or any day. Do you hate when they give a lot of tv commercials? Yeah, they’re pretty annoying. Are you waiting for anything? Not at the moment. Are you a very stressed out person? Yes. Are you single? Yes. Do you watch the news? Sometimes. I mostly get my news online or from news app on my phone. Have you ever been to disney world? No, but I’ve been to Disneyland. Do you like animals? Yesss. Do you know how to skateboard? I can’t. Do you go to church? No. I do listen to the sermon that’s uploaded every Sunday from a local church that I plan to attend in the future. What do you do to relax? “Relax, don’t do it when you want to go to it.”

Anyway, the only time I’m able to really relax even just a little is when I’m at the beach. Do you hate when people stare at you for no reason? Uh, yeah. It happens a lot with kids. They’re so fascinated by wheelchairs, I guess. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My mom. Do you remember what date is was? When I had the deep convo with my mom? It was just a couple days ago. How often do you talk on the phone? I rarely talk on the phone. The only time are brief calls with one of my parents when they’re calling from work or while they’re out and about. Do you have any saved texted messages? My phone just keeps ‘em all. I’ve never gone through and deleted any. Which color is better? Red, Blue, Green, Black, or Yellow? I like all of them, but honestly I’d probably go with black. And blah, blah yeah I know it’s not really a color. Shh. Whats your first initial? S. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Not anymore. I used to be. My emotions were like, “we’re in control now!” Are you afraid of rollercoasters? Yeahhh, I don’t do rollercoasters. Is anyone annoying you right now? No. Everyone here is asleep. Do you smile a lot? *shrug* Genuine ones not as much. Does the person you like know that you like them? I don’t like anyone in that way currently. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Yes. If I’m mad then I cry, they go hand in hand. There’s been a few times where I was literally shaking with anger. That’s rare and takes a lot, but it has happened. Did you cry today? Not so far. When was the last time you had a sleepover? Several years ago. My cousins used to sleep over all the time. Do you like watching horror movies? Love ‘em. How many kids do you want? Zero. What do you wanna be when you grow up? I’m “grown up”, but I still have no idea. Don’t let my age fool you, though. I don’t feel grown up in a lot of ways. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Do you like taking pictures? Not of myself, but sure. Do walk around bare foot when your at home? Or do you wear socks? I always wear socks. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your nose gets runny? It’s not pleasant. Don’t you hate that when it’s freezing cold outside your eyes get teary? That doesn’t happen to me. Do you wear make up? It’s been a long time since I’ve worn any makeup. I honestly don’t think I have at all this year. :O Do you wear jewerly? I wear these beaded bracelets (some I made, some I bought) sometimes. Do you ever play games on the computer? I like to play The Sims sometimes. It’s been awhile, though.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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curlyshyy · 5 years ago

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New Apartment and the same anxious energy with a while lotta guilt and regret :) (A short story by me)

I love that when I’m too lazy and sad to pull out a journal I can come on here cuz no one looks at this shit. Why do I event still have a tumblr?

The last two nights have been rough for me, as I think new happy events trigger my brain into being sad and hating myself? Of course it’s nights where I’ve had to open the bar at 9 AM the next morning. I suppose that’s the first reason I hadn’t been able to sleep. I hate my job low-key. I once loved Alamo Drafthouse. Adored it even. Then moved to this shit hole in Norrh Richland Hills which is the furthest from the Alamo way, and I’m not valued. I feel like a fuck up everyday. In a lot of ways I am. I’m functioning with severe anxiety and most people don’t know or understand. I do stupid things when I’m having a panic attack, and these managers judge me hard. But here’s the thing I know in my heart, even when I hate myself, I’m a good worker, I’m kind, and will do anything for my coworkers and will eventually get really good at this job.im dedicated to say the least. I think that’s what matters most but for now they just see me as a fuck up, slow learner. I work my ass off though and they don’t see it. If I could work every second of everyday. Ifthis shit hole wasn’t trying to cut everyone’s hours cuz they’re not making any money, i’d work myself into physical exhaustion, like I’m so good at doing. Thats the only thing I can feel. It’s my only escape and I hate being there. This is a little dramatic. My life has been improving, and yes I know I need therapy. We been knew. My ass was anxious at 5 years old. Anxiety is truly hell, I wish I’d just force myself to hurry up and get help, and I wish I wasn’t poor. I wish my mom had saw how fucked I was and made me get help as a kid, but she did the best she could. Could blame the bitch but like, she has a hard enough time accepting and coping with her own mental illness. She hardly acknowledges it. That must be hard to lie to yourself everyday, and say that you just have to choose happiness.

The reason the last two nights have been shit is cuz I stayed up dreading going to work and being there all day and I hate the fuck out of mornings and waking up before noon. Which is why I like closing and usually have night shifts. Since the fucks cut my hours I gotta take what I can get though. I need a constant distraction at night cuz my brain is literally scary as fuck. I can’t even tell anyone about 95% of it. It’s so terrifying. So I usually distract myself with my phone. But I was like “hey, brain I know we’re anxious af and sad, but can we go to sleep?” To which my brain replied : “Remember this event from two years ago? Haha you’re a terrible person.” Then my body physically stiffend, I felt physically ill and my head ached and all I could do was think about past mistakes and everything that makes me a failure and bad person. Typical manageable anxiety for me at this fucking point, I’m just not gonna be able to sleep and I know it. Then I remember an old friend, I used to work with at Chili’s. Javi. Literally one of the very slim parts of the things that I don’t block out and cringe hard about when it comes to chili’s, are our times together. I block that shit hard. I mean just thinking about me in this time frame is enough to make me believe I’m terrible. I wasn’t right. I regret literally everything about chili’s. That place is a nightmare and probably what hell is going to look like when I arrive. anyways god damn. Javi is this sweet kind angel. We were all struggling at this mother fucking chili’s let me tell you. My dumb ass had just come back from vid con (2017) How did I afford that? I spent my rent money. Also I couldn’t afford to eat for like a week. But YouTube was and still is the only thing in this world that makes my brain feel calm. It’s a safe place for me. And I was dumb as shit. Anyway my dumb ass was already starving before Vidcon and could barely afford rent. :) cuz chili’s doesn’t pay well. So I was real fucked when rent came up and literally considered myself lucky when I found a packet of cheezits lying around, cuz that was a good meal to me at the time. I guess I’m telling my coworkers this and busting my ass all night bussing peoples tables and helping out as a hostess which of course paid jack shit. And I know I’m about to go home fucked another night, and Javi, pulls out the $165 dollars he made that night, and hands it to me. The boy had bills, and worked all night too. Who would ever be so kind-hearted to do such a thing. I of course refused, cuz what the fuck. He insisted. I said I was going to cry and he said “aw don’t cry Sheyenne, or I’ll cry too.” And hugged me. I was also super numb and depressed and wanted to be with Hannah so much, and honestly I don’t feel like I was my best self. I look at that person and I don’t feel like it was me. But I used it to pay rent. Still wasn’t eating and he even bought me food one day. Literal angel. I don’t know or remember if I expressed enough gratefulness. I don’t know if I was capable of expressing it. A couple months later he’s about to move to Idaho, and we have a goodbye dinner, and I figure this is a good time to repay him. I give him $100 which is all I could really do at the time, and try to tell him I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. He leaves, and I think we only ever talked one time after that, and I offered to buy him pizZa but never did for some reason? We never really talked again. I alwyas momentarily remember him, but I really have chili’s and the person I was in 2017 so far blocked that I really can’t remember that shit. It’s so hazy. There isn’t a full day I can remember. Just tiny bits and pieces. For some reason two nights ago I remembered him vividly. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt panic and guilty as fuck. Paralyizying guilt. I felt like I should never deserve to enjoy anything ever again in my entire life. I felt terrible. I felt like if he ever struggled to make it or eat, then I should’ve been there for him. I stalked his fb, cuz I needed to know he was okay.

He doesn’t use social media too much. His mom however posts about him a lot. Which confused me because I know they have a strained relationship, and he could have a lot of help from his mom, but I think he resented the help, because they didn’t always get along? I don’t know how fucked she was to him though. What fb told me was she paid for him to come every few months. He has a new girlfriend that he seems very happy with, he seems happy in general. He’s smiling in pics. But that’s social media. At best pictures his moms posting. I felt like I needed to know or I was going to have a breakdown. I don’t have his phone number for some reason, so I snapped him a long message. Usually I’d feel crazy to reach out especially when we Weren’t that close but I just needed to. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. Then opened at work. The shake machine of course was fucked and I had to put it back together correctly only after shake mix poured everywhere. That’s just my life. Me doing something out of panic, and then having to redo it after looking like a dumb bitch. I truly learn from fucking up. I’m wired so fucking wrong. He finally responds once I’m off work. I read it. It’s not what I need to hear but it’s decent, and proves he doesn’t hate me. He tells me he’s good, but working at Taco Bell, and I know he’s still struggling which makes me sad, but I guess I’ve been struggling to, so I shouldn’t hold myself accountable for not reaching out. I’ve been so poor, and me and Hannah are just now catching up, and taking a breather after 2 years of struggling. I let my mind rest though because he’s alive and he’s eating and has a girlfriend and family who are looking out for him. Until the next night when I should be exhausted from no sleep. The guilt starts eating away at me again. I feel like I shoukdve sent him more money,but after a while I stopped thinking about it because of all that I was going through and that made me feel selfish. I felt that I owed him for my entire life. Maybe I blocked out how much he and his kinda gesture meant to me because anything regarding chili’s, is so far removed, and maybe that super vivid memory, is what I needed to remind me. I’ve also been struggling heavily with my mental health and off and on numb most of the time, so it is possible that I wasn’t as grateful as I could’ve been or at least didn’t properly show gratefulness. So I once again reached out and also sent $20. I really went for it this time. I said I literally need to know you’re okay and happy, and for you to know how special you are and sorry if this sounds crazy dog. Like I must’ve seemed fucking insane but I needed him to know. I don’t know why it was physically paining me so much. Maybe because of all the roommates and so called friends who disappeared without paying rent and left me fucked with no second thought of how I’d eat tomorrow. I just couldn’t bare to think that, He was out there roughing it, maybe Skiping a meal, (like Hannah and I’ve had to so so many times thanks to people who literally could give a fuck less.) After he was there when I needed help. He ended up telling me he didn’t need money, and that he did what he did because he was my fiend, and he even apologized that I didn’t have any friends at the time that would’ve helped me the way he did. He apologized. He told me that I deserved it. That really calmed me. I guess I forgot the good that I did because I just remember the bad. I guess I didn’t think about the positive effects I had on him. That I must’ve done something right for someone to care so deeply that they just handed me that kind of money, after a long shift. He saw that, and maybe he felt he owed me in a weird way. I still feel like I owe him. I wish I’d talked to him sooner. Genuinely good people are hard to find. Who tf would do what he did? Seriously. I am so glad I reached out though.

It worries me though. How small past events can trigger me so hard. It’s a snowball effect. Anxious about work, life, who I am, past mistakes, and it’s paralyzing and hurts my entire body and keeps me from sleep and makes me feel undeserving of a good life or any enjoyment. I really need to get help because it’s getting to an unmanageable point, like it was after I graduated 3 years ago. It scares me that so many past memories are blocked expect for bad ones and bits and pieces. It scares me that, there has never been a completely care free 100% happy period of my life, that lasted longer than a couple days, and now as an adult it’s an even shorter amount of time. Genuine happiness is rare and make men feel pointless. I’m empty most of the time and want things and have the capacity to work hard and achieve them but also feel that I don’t deserve them. I am capable of happiness and some days, I do feel genuinely happy even if it doesn’t last the whole day. My family and Hannah still have a lasting impact on me and even when I’m an unfeeling zombie, I still know love, and numbness makes it hard to feel but somehow not entirely impossible. Little bits of light get through the cracks, and in some ways I’ve gotten better at managing my brain, and I truly don’t want to die or think I deserve to like I once did. The guilt attacks and fears of being bad, and some how accidentally hurting someone emotionally or physically, still fuck my head up because I could never hurt anyone intentionally and feel guilt for any small pains caused alwyas. I wish I could take back many wrong words and hurtful actions done and said to loved ones, but I can’t but it’s okay because they forgive me, so I can forgive myself too. I have to let go of the past.

This really creeped in again because I started to feel excited about a fresh start and our apartment. My brain tries to tell me I don’t deserve it. I deserve to decorate with Hannah, and to allow myself happiness so that I can be happy and enjoy life and be a better girlfriend. I also need to get a new job that doesn’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.

A part from that all I’m feeling a lot better. I’m off tomorrow. I watched Phil’s new video and it made me feel hopeful, proud and nostalgic. YouTube and the youtubers that have been the stand ins for the lack of friends, have comforted me, inspired me, and put my brain to rest, and assured me I’m not as weird and alone as I think I am. That’s why I want to do YouTube. It’s a tough though. Editing takes a lot of time and I want to make things I’m proud of. I want to make music even though I’m bit a musician, I want to keep writing and actually read again like free 12 year old me did. I read and wrote so much then. I want to be that me again. I want to reach other people and help them feel less alone, I want to make a difference and I want to not feel like a failure. I just need to get past all of this guilt and I really think this is the start of that, and my journey to creating.

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countessgreytea · 6 years ago

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I stumbled upon a forum and started reading through some MM threads. One anonymous poster had some interesting things to share in a thread from late September 2018:

So, I volunteered/worked for the DOS during the end of her toronto years and the transition. I don't like to bash black industry because I feel it's vital for us to make our own opportunities and grow our own wealth, but this tea is absolutely true, and then some. Certain power players would absolutely fawn over her when they met her with her ex husband and when she went to audition would literally laugh in her face. I will defend her against anyone calling her a hooker. That's absolutely untrue. She made a lot of her extra money by befriending fashion people and ultimately getting paid for appearances at dinners/red carpets. She was an opportunist, but honestly if it were a dude, we wouldn't be judging him the way people judge her. I can honestly say that the relationship timeline given to the public regarding Harry is false. If you find that interview with her ex's mom and read between the lines, you'll see it. She has historically not been great with timelines. If people have questions I can answer a few. I'm still in touch with her because I've moved on to work for her friend who is very much in touch with her.

.....

So she and CV (the ex) were as good as engaged even around the end of April - they were both at my birthday dinner. CV is engaged to a singer and they have a baby on the way - that's how ready he was to start a family. He's a really good guy. Even now when I go in to one of his joints and he's around we chat and he offered his family vacation home for me to take my mom for a week. I don't often say this about white men, but I really respect him, he reminds me of my dad. It's a little hard to believe now, but she was more of an earthy Cali girl pre-prince, so they weren't super serious about a formal engagement. CV was totally head over heels and the only reason they were waiting was bc meg really wanted to branch into movies and do something meaningful before settling down with kids and moving into a travel/food show. "Think Bourdain meets Nora Ephron meets hippie chic" is what I wrote in my notes when we were writing up a proposal. I was actually really excited about it, I was going to work on the show. Priyanka Chopra has sorta copied the idea and but changed it so she meets famous people lol. (I have PC tea too, someone point me to a thread and I'll post). Prinze was seeing someone. I hope you'll respect that I won't spill bc that could get me into real trouble. He and nutmeg actually met in the run up to invictus, she "wanted to help" but this is code for wanted to make connections. When they met sparks flew and basically she was like damn issa prince and made her moves accordingly. There was a month between the breakup and the first date and the breakup actually wasn't "final" it was "just a break." She said she was feeling like she was in a rut. From date #1 onwards it was a whirlwind. It was really lovely to watch two people fall in love but very tough bc I knew what had gone down prior. As far as I know she is not pregnant, she is doing IVF though and it has caused a little bloat. That's why her clothes are rarely fitted. She'll be pregnant towards the end of the Aussie tour if all goes as planned. She is very calculating but I really respect her game. For example, that story about the corgis laying at her feet was planted bc white people love anything to do with dogs (I mean, so do the rest of us but white people don't have great attention spans, let's be totally real). She has a natural strategic intelligence from her mother. I cannot say enough wonderful things about her mother. Oprah and Iyanla got nothing on her, imo. This prince thing is the first time ms.meg did someone dirty since I started working for her. She secured the bag, so good for her, I guess.

.....

Made moves - set up the Wimbledon appearance and "happened" to be at the soho house hotel so prinze and her could see each other again. It's a hotel that the public doesn't have the same kind of access too.

.....

about the engagement interview, and the corgi anecdote:

Oh girl, you don't even know what I did for that interview. Just because Harry told the story doesn't mean it wasn't planted. They planted in the interview so that people would go "aww." Think about the placement of that anecdote - right after they spoke about meeting family and how they'd spent a lot of time together in the past 1.5 years. The story was to push that narrative over the edge by associating it with a sweet story.

.....

Someone replied that MM was in Mexico when PH was in Toronto ahead of IG:

My girl, this doesn't mean we didn't reach out and get in touch with the invictus team. The Internet issa crazy thing!

.....

Whether PH knew about CV:

I actually don't know much about this side of the story - I worked for the DOS, not the prince. I never had access to her personal texts or anything. From what I felt though, I don't think he knew exactly how serious they were

.....

Sure! Auntie Dee has been through a lot in her own life. People haven't looked much into her own childhood, but there was family tension and abuse, but she never let that get her down. She was quick to compliment on good character "thank you for your honesty" "thank you for your grace" "i admire your strength." She really is crazy about yoga though, she says it helps preserve the body. She is not at all judgmental to people who do yoga the first time, including myself, and doesn't like that white women culture vulture yoga from Indians - she is fierce about respecting heritage. She loves gardening. She is lowkey a very strong Christian...idk how that fits with yoga tbh but she's cool with it. She is completely self-made and raised up several black women and other women of color in her professional life (yoga and social work and other artistic endeavours)

..... About the article with CV’s mom : “Mrs Vitiello surmises that Meghan and Cory had been apart for about three months before she first met Harry.”:

Regarding that Daily Mail article: the specific wording is surmised. The meaning of the word surmise is to suppose something is true without having the evidence to confirm it. I know the person trying to poke holes in my tea won't believe it, but that specific word was fought over and eventually money was paid in order for that specific word to be used.

.....

I could be wrong here - I'm definitely not in her inner circle anymore (professionally there is no real room for upward movement, I started working for her blog so I could eventually work in digital publication and PR). I also know nothing about IVF - I just heard from my boss (her friend) that it causes bloat and it's really unfair that people judge her. I know for sure she is on IVF bc she needed an injection during her trip to Toronto and her PPOs were unhappy and my boss talked about it a lot.

.....

There are a lot of royal "rules" that the family must abide by that aren't normal for you and me, including medication. The physician must be present alongside the assistant to ensure that the shot has not been tampered with, etc. Remember, British royalty goes back to the days of people poisoning each other regularly, there are still archaic rules. I don't know more than that, I'm only peripherally in her life anymore.

.....

someone asked about PH/MM’s dynamic:

I only saw the beginning, until the move to London. They are both demonstrative, but just from knowing her, I can tell she's a little more cautious in public - she doesn't want to seem too American/gauche. She'll probably relax as she has kids and sinks into her role, you know? It's tough to be totally yourself when you have so many eyes on you.

.....

Do the BRF like MM?

All I've been told is that they love her but they way it's been said seemed like the person who said it was trying to convince themselves as well as me. From emails and coordination purposes, "the firm" aka the staff took to her really well and Prince Chuck liked her a lot too.

.....

What happened in Toronto with photographers before PH made his statement?

People were trying to break into her house and get onto the Suits set. She jetted to London one evening and eight hours later the statement had been released. It was released like 6 AM ET, I believe.

.....

Her husband, as far as I know, was not a good dude. She never went into specifics but the person who worked for her prior alway said to forward any emails from him to her lawyer. Their relationship was not good.

.....

About Suits, and were other family members at her wedding:

She speaks to the women and Rick, not so much Patrick and Gabe but was genuinely on good terms with everyone. I think she misses it, she tries to be normal by going about doing the same things she did in Toronto but I don't think it's the same. It's okay, she's a princess, she'll survive. Other family members were there, yes.

.....

Oof, where you got all this sourness from? No bankruptcy, no jail (though she did work at correctional facilities). I think the living with her dad thing was just because of proximity to her school. I believe she spent Friday to Sunday evenings with her mom.

.....

Her offering help with IG:

So she was not volunteering the way you or I would volunteer, but she was reaching out to ask whether she could lend her knowledge of Toronto and relationships with people there to help make things run smoothly. It's not really work, it's basically just talking lol. All these celebs who say they are the UN ambassador for whatever just go on paid vacations to poor folks' homes and film themselves being selfless aka playing with kids and then "lending their support" aka throwing a bit of money or "having high-level conversations." They were both in relationships at the time they first connected and the time they first met. She was looking to see if there was an opening for her, if that makes sense. The "first date" they talk about combines their first meeting and then the actual date after he expressed interest (they broke up with others to date, but remember, DOS told her ex that it was a break because she felt she was in a rut and not feeling connection with him). They definitely were texting a lot before the real first date.

.....

I never heard anything about this - if it's true, my apologies to the poster. I did not know everything about their lives. Doria did not strike me as someone who would file for bankruptcy but I know that many people "aren't the type"

.....

As far as I know Kate is cordial to DOS but you would really expect her to make more of an effort. There seemed to be some jealousy/distrust apparently.

....

is she close with doria?:

I think they played up the closeness a bit during the "courtship" but from what I saw, they certainly became closer during that time too. I can say that she had been taking care of her mom financially when I was around.

.....

I know when she gets angry she tears up and gets very quiet.

#mm #mmphbi #meghan markle #mine

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vanillaflavour81 · 6 years ago

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Fall in Love with Riverdale Theme 1 - Sweet Romance

Valentine’s Day Picnic (Joaquin DeSantos & Kevin Keller)

Valentine's Day hadn't been Joaquin's thing in the past. There never had been that special someone in his life with whom he would have liked to spend this holiday. It was for lovers, for boyfriends, not for a random guy you met in back alleys behind shady bars. But that was all Joaquin had known. This year things were different of course. Now there was Kevin. Ex-sheriff's son, wrestler, drama club president, preppy kid, Good Boy TM and Joaquin's boyfriend. They had found their way back to each other and the last months were the happiest Joaquin had ever had. So now Joaquin wanted to make Valentine's Day special for his Preppy. He knew that Kevin was a hopeless romantic and that he loved Valentine's Day. And Joaquin loved Kevin with all of his heart. But the problem was, that Joaquin couldn't afford to take Kevin on a fancy date. He had no money. Juvie and being on the run from G&G had left Joaquin with literally no money in his pocket at all. He was lucky to be alive and fortunate that he had found a home in the Serpent camp at least. The little money he had, went into buying food. So how could he surprise Kevin with a date? Joaquin told his friends about his predicament one night while they were gathering around the bonfire in the Serpent's camp. To his surprise, it was Sweet Pea who gave him an idea. "You don't need money for a romantic date. Just light some candles in your tent and invite your boy over for some homemade pasta or something. You can have some red wine from me, and I am sure you can use the Jones' kitchen to cook something." Joaquin smirked at Sweet Pea and clapped his shoulder. "Thanks, SP! I know what I will do now. I will cook for Kevin, but I won't have him spend Valentine's in my old tent, I will take him on a romantic picnic! But I could really use a bottle of wine from you." And so Joaquin spent the next days planning his Valentine's Day date with Kevin. He wanted it to be perfect. He told Kevin that he would take him on a date and that they needed the Keller's truck. Kevin's face lit up, and he smiled brightly at Joaquin, looking so genuinely happy that Joaquin almost started to cry. On Valentin's Day, Joaquin was leaning against a tree in front of the Serpent camp, waiting for Kevin to pick him up. He was holding a big basket filled with lots of Valentine's themed food: Heartshaped cookies, pancakes, muffins, and sandwiches. He had made it all by himself because that was much cheaper than buying them and it also felt much more personal to do that. He also had several blankets to keep them warm and lots of little jars with candles in them. Kevin's truck pulled up, and Joaquin couldn't stop himself from breaking out into a huge grin. His heart was racing in his chest. He was excited, even a bit nervous, hoping that Kevin would enjoy this day. He climbed into the truck and kissed Kevin's cheek for a greeting. "Hey Preppy." "Hey, gorgeous. So.. will you finally tell me where we are going? I am so excited for what my baby has planned for today." "Just start driving. I am taking you on a romantic picnic to Crystal Lake." He watched Kevin closely for his reaction and was satisfied when he saw a big happy smile spreading across his boyfriend's face. Kevin bit his lip and nodded eagerly. "Oh, I like that...such a sweet idea." They drove to Crystal Lake, holding hands the whole drive. Joaquin kept on stealing glances at the boy next to him. Just looking at Kevin made butterflies flutter in Joaquin's stomach. It still caught him off guard sometimes that he could feel so much for one person. He loved Kevin, truly loved him. He wanted the best for him and wanted to be there for him through good and bad times. He wanted to support Kevin and encourage him to fulfill his dreams, always making sure he was happy. But the most surprising thing was that Joaquin knew that Kevin loved him too. Despite everything that had happened, and despite the choices Joaquin had made, Kevin Keller was still here at his side and gave him all his love, as if Joaquin deserved it. And gradually Joaquin was beginning to believe that yes, maybe he was a good person after all if Kevin could love him so much. Maybe Kevin had really saved him and made him become someone better. They arrived at Crystal Lake, and Joaquin showed Kevin where to park the truck and then quickly hopped out. He made Kevin wait in the driver's seat until he had set up everything in the back of the truck. Lots of comfy warm blankets, fluffy pillows, and candles, which he would light later on when they would watch the sunset together. Once he was pleased with how everything looked, he put all the heart-shaped food he had made on two trays. Joaquin smiled and nodded. It was the perfect setting for a romantic date he decided and quickly climbed off the back of the truck to knock on Kevin's window, telling him to join him in the back. Kevin followed him, a broad smile already forming on his face, which grew even wider when he saw what Joaquin had prepared for him. "Oh my gosh! Cutie, that's amazing! That's the most romantic thing I have ever seen!" He had tears in his eyes when he turned to look at Joaquin, and Joaquin couldn't help but chuckle happily. He was so relieved. "I am happy that you like it, Preppy!" They got into the back of the truck and began to eat while talking and laughing together, joking around and sometimes just kissing for minutes, lost in each other's embrace and the feeling of soft lips moving against one another in a gentle caress. It was a fun afternoon, with lots of laughter and delicious food, some sips of red wine and lots of cuddles and sweet kisses. Once the sun was beginning to set, Joaquin lit all the candles and snuggled comfortably into Kevin's arms, watching the colorful spectacle of the last light of the day gradually turning into a beautiful night sky with countless stars and a full moon. It got a bit chilly, but that only made Kevin and Joaquin cuddle closer to each other beneath the blankets, starting a long make-out session which definitely made them feel very warm again. They stayed like that for a while longer, holding each other, kissing occasionally and just enjoying to be in each other's arms. Joaquin rested his head on Kevin's chest, and he sighed softly when Kevin began to stroke his hair. "I love you, Preppy." "I love you too, Joaquin. I am so happy that you came back to me. Thank you. For today and for every other day you spend by my side." "I won't ever leave again. I plan to spend every single one of my days with you." They didn't say any more after that, there was no need. What Joaquin had said was the truth, and they both knew it.

@riverdale-events

#riverdaleevents #joavin #joaquin desantos #kevin keller #southside serpents

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onisionhurtspeople · 6 years ago

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The Spiral of Narcissistic Abuse: Onision Edition

I originally wrote this post in April 2017, but in the year and a half since it’s been published, there have been literally dozens of new victims targeted by Greg (Onision) and his wife Lainey (Laineybot) that I felt were severe enough to warrant inclusion; and so here I am to re-write this post to include this new information.

1. “Love Bombing”: Display of excessive attention and professions of deep love. “Soul mate.”

Love bombing is the practice of overwhelming a person in a new relationship with signs of adoration and attraction in the form of gifts, compliments, meaningful gestures, discussions revolving around long-term future plans (marriage, children, vacations, etc), and professions of true love. The difference between love bombing and genuine love is that real love is earned over time through intimacy, trust, and consistency, whereas love bombing creates artificial feelings of intimacy that have not yet been earned.

Greg routinely engages in love-bombing when it comes to either a) trying to lure in new victims, or b) making attempts to reel in previous victims (such as exes), or current victims who are becoming disillusioned with him and beginning to pull away. In 2015, after Greg had convinced his wife Lainey to “explore her bisexuality” by getting a girlfriend, she had settled on an 18-year-old YouTube personality and makeup guru named Billie, and flew her down to their house for a visit. What Greg neglected to tell Lainey was that he had ulterior motives for pushing her to get a girlfriend, and this was because he wanted to convince Lainey and whoever her girlfriend was to enter a three-way, polyamorous triad with him. While Billie was there, in an attempt to draw her in, Greg showered her with gifts, compliments, and an excessive amount of attention and admiration; according to him, he paid her $1800 a month to manage his social media accounts, spent thousands of dollars buying her gifts of makeup and clothing, and his videos were full of glowing compliments towards Billie.

He tweeted this at Billie after she managed to “fix” a broken camera lens by throwing it on the ground. He screams at his own children just for losing at Mario Kart, could you imagine Onision having this reaction to anybody else treating his expensive equipment that way?

Every time he and Lainey broke up with Billie (usually because she refused to go along with their bizarrely strict and controlling expectations for her behavioral conduct, such as having to ask their permission before smoking weed - and yes, you read that correctly; the problem was not that she was smoking weed because it was illegal (as Greg and Lainey had originally claimed), the problem was that she didn’t ask their permission before doing it), Greg would begin to reel Lainey back in by trying to love bomb her again. This comment was made just two days after he’d cheated on Lainey with Billie, while she was pregnant with their second child:

…and every time they get back together, he begins love bombing Billie again, and ignoring Lainey. He is careful not to do this overtly on Twitter or Instagram like he does with Lainey, but during this time, he expends much more effort into communicating with Billie over Twitter and in videos than he does with Lainey. He is also very clearly more physically affectionate towards Billie in videos where the three of them appear together than he is with his own wife.

(And maybe this is just my unprofessional opinion, but the manner in which he compliments Lainey rings much more hollow and inauthentic to me than the compliments he used to give to Billie. It comes off as very rote and robotic, not genuine or sincere.)

2. Over-protection and isolation in the name of love. “We only need each other.”

One of the most common tactics that abusers use to control their victims is by isolating them from friends and family. They do this so that it’s harder for them to escape or see the truth of what’s happening to them. This behavior is manifested in ways such as convincing the victim to stay at home and not have a job, by controlling all of the money that flows through the household (including the victim’s money, if they DO have a job), and by slowly convincing the victim to stop talking to their friends and family members, because the narcissist “doesn’t think they’re good for [them]”. Without a sense of perspective or anybody from whom to gain a third-party point of view, it’s extremely difficult for the victim to objectively analyze the severity of the situation.

Throughout the history of his relationships, Greg follows this pattern with all of his partners to the tee. He makes repeated attempts to convince Billie to stop flying home to spend time with her friends and family members, who she is extremely close with.

Unbelievably, he attempts to manipulate her by bragging about how he’d already managed to successfully convince Lainey to not visit her own family more than once a year. In a livestream, Lainey once admitted that earlier this month (October 2018) was the first time she’s attended a family funeral in over five years, because Greg wouldn’t give her permission to go to any of the other ones. He also frequently attacks Lainey’s family on social media, as well as diminishing them in Lainey’s eyes by making his disapproval of them quite clear:

This is what he said about Lainey’s sister:

He especially does this to Lainey’s father, who saw through Greg from the very beginning, and desperately tried to stop his 17-year-old daughter from marrying him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sAjnkASwOo

He also did this with Skye while they were still married, restricting her from seeing anybody but members of his own family, and members of her family that he approved of (which was basically just her younger sister, a 15-year-old girl who Greg admitted to fantasizing about having sex with, including (more than once) accidentally moaning her name while being intimate with Skye). A quote from his website at the time:

January 24th, 2007

Alright, so it has been a few days since Skye and I hung out with another couple… judging from the fact that these people were the only ones we knew that had a lifestyle that wasn’t drugged out, beered out (also known as drugged out), smoked out, ethically lacking, rude etc. and we can’t even enjoy ourselves around them as much as we do each other… I just really don’t see myself and Skye spending time with anyone in the future other than family…

It seems that everyone who isn’t blood related has something extremely wrong with them… it may not be apparent at first, like a used car, but when you get on the road with them, and get to know them, the clanks and pings begin to show, maybe not after the first few miles, but definitely after the second or third ride.

(Source)

This isolation of Skye got so bad that eventually, two of their friends actually tried to convince her to leave Greg:

January 27th, 2007

I was going to post something extremely long about how upset I am with two people I know, within my personal life - who are continuously trying to break my wife and I apart psychically and vocally… but I’m not going to as I believe it can only cause a greater level of drama, which is exactly what they feed on.

In fact, they probably know I’m talking about them right now, and are dialing my number just to tell me/others how wrong I am for my wife, and somehow by saying I love her every hour of the day, feeding her full of yummy food, trying to make her happy emotionally/other ways, putting a roof over her head, that in result of that I’m a bad husband.

(Source)

A former classmate of Greg, who had gone to high school with both he and Skye, also gave an interview with someguy827, in which he detailed his observations of Greg slowly but surely isolating Skye from all of her friends and family members:

You can read the interview here. (Source)

And read the comment that he made on lolcow here. (Source)

3. Power gained by social isolation and artificially inflated self-esteem. “I feel like a better person with I am with them.”

Greg has claimed this about every single one of his exes. I can’t track down photographic examples of him claiming this about all of them never mind, I managed to find examples of him saying this to at least three different women. Here’s an example of when he said it to ex-girlfriend Adrienne:

Keep in mind that they had been dating for a grand total of two weeks when he made the claim to her that she had helped him grow into a better person in the short amount of time they’d been together.

He made the same claim about a high school girlfriend, Tanya, whom - again - he had known for only a couple of weeks; and they were not even officially dating when he said this to her:

Here is another example of him saying this about his first wife, Skye - again, only weeks into their relationship. The journal entry this screenshot was lifted from is much longer and I was having trouble pasting it into the body of this text in a way that was readable, so here’s a very short, cropped version of what he said. You can find the source for this quote here. (Source)

At the end of his relationship with Adrienne - while they were in the process of breaking up - he called her repeatedly while she was at work, leaving her over a dozen voicemails in less than a day. During this time, Adrienne managed to get in touch with Shiloh, another of Greg’s exes, to compare notes about the similarities in their relationship. When Shiloh listened to the voicemails that Greg had sent to Adrienne, she posted this comment on Facebook:

He had been telling the two women, only hours apart from each other, about how special and meaningful they were to him. The saddest thing about this is that at the same time, he was also calling Skye; and this exchange between himself, Shiloh, and Adrienne occurred only days before he started talking to Lainey.

4. Creation of a feeling of dependency; induction of fear of the loss of relationship.

One of the ways that Greg likes to induce feelings of psychological dependence on him is through a tactic called “manipulation break-ups”. The phenomenon is explained here by dwayners13:

One of the most common tactics used by manipulative & emotionally abusive individuals is the ‘manipulation breakup’. This is simply when a person repeatedly breaks up with their partner, not because they truly want to end their relationship, but rather to gain power & control over their partner & the relationship in general. There are a variety of issues & events that can cause a manipulation breakup (far too many to list here), but it can range from their partner doing something they don’t like/approve of to the emotionally abusive person being confronted on their abusive/manipulative behavior (by their partner &/or their partner’s family/friends). [...] Instead of taking the time to discuss or even arguing about the issue in an attempt to resolve it, the person will just break up with them, knowing that their partner doesn’t want to break up. They will then refuse to speak with them about the issue (& the relationship in general), essentially shunning or ignoring their attempts. This can include ignoring phone calls, text messages, VMs etc.., If the couple live together, they will simply refuse to speak with their partner (aka the silent treatment). Their intention is to make it seem like the relationship is over, so that the person will practically beg & plead with their partner & be willing to agree to anything in order to get back together.

(Source)

Greg and Lainey both admitted to him doing this multiple times throughout their relationship; and still, to this day, they admit that he attempts to break up with her every single time they argue, even though they’re married and have been for over seven years. It is extremely abnormal for a 34-year-old father of two who has been married for seven years to threaten to “break up” with his wife every time they get into an argument. These attempts at manipulation on Greg’s part terrify Lainey so much that she readily complies with whatever he wants in order to convince him not to leave her. This pattern could not be more apparent than how this manipulation tactic played out in their relationship with Billie.

During the time when Greg and Lainey were in a polyamorous relationship with Billie, Lainey expressed repeated discomfort about Greg and Billie spending so much time together while she was excluded by having to spend so much time cooking, cleaning, looking after their their son (she was pregnant with their daughter at the time), and managing their household (which we now know, thanks to Maya, that Greg does not help out with at all, meaning that Lainey spent the vast majority of her day doing these things while Greg and Billie were in another room playing games, making videos, and hanging out). She felt that Billie was only there for Greg, and was not comfortable with them being sexually intimate together, even when it was all three of them together. After a while of this - despite Lainey’s continued discomfort, disapproval, and lack of consent (which is vital for any healthy, functioning polyamorous triad) - Greg told Lainey that there would be more more boundaries, no more jealousy, and that he and Billie were going to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted; and that if Lainey didn’t like it, then he was going to divorce her.

Naturally, terrified of losing her husband, her family, her home, her source of income, and the only lifestyle that she’d ever known - with a three-year-old in tow, and pregnant with their second child - Lainey felt forced to remain in the three-way relationship that she didn’t even want to begin with.

A quote from his video, “Onision’s Break Up Story”:

“I told my wife that there would be no more rules in the relationship. That there would be no more boundaries, no more jealousy, and that I would do what I want.”

(Source)

After this quote, Greg goes on to explain that he reassured his wife that he had no intention of leaving her; however, how could Lainey believe this, when just a few months before he had attempted to leave her for Billie, which only didn’t end up happening because Billie told him that she didn’t feel right about it? When he had threatened to leave her so many times before over much smaller and less significant things? He goes on to say this:

“Regardless, it is important to note that Billie did tell me that she thought Lainey might be upset if she and I slept together, but every time she indicated she was worried, I would remind her of the conversation I had with Lainey where I repeatedly told her there would be no more boundaries, we would all have balanced relationships, and that there would be no jealousy.”

This is an ultimatum. The reason why Lainey went to Billie to ask her not to sleep with Greg is because she already knew that he would shut her down if she tried. Ask yourself this question: for what reason would a woman feel more comfortable asking other women not to sleep with her husband, instead of just going straight to the source and simply asking her husband not to sleep with other women instead? The answer is that it’s because she already knew that he would say no and try to divorce her if she kept bringing it up. It is not unreasonable for Lainey to believe Greg capable of doing this, considering that he has admitted in the past to leaving one woman for another (when he left Skye for Shiloh in 2011):

Greg doesn’t just do this to Lainey, however; he has done this, to my knowledge, with every other woman he’s ever dated. The following is a screenshot of a portion of the letter written by Adrienne - the 26-year-old that Greg dated for three weeks just before he met Lainey - describing how Greg attempted to manipulate her through making her fear the loss of the relationship:

Later on in the same letter:

The entirety of the letter written by Adrienne can be read here. If you’re interested in understanding how Greg’s mind works, I highly recommend reading it - it is extremely insightful, analytical, and well-written.

5. Restrictive control of resources and activities enforced by induction of guilt, or fear of anger.

It’s no secret that Greg attempts to restrict the activities that his girlfriends are allowed to participate in. This ranges from the aforementioned control over how often they’re allowed to visit their families, to whether or not they’re allowed to have a job (a tactic reported by several of his exes and by Greg himself), to how often they’re allowed to go out with their friends, and even to what they are and are not allowed to eat.

In the following screenshot, a blog post by Shiloh months after they’d broken up, she details how he not only manipulated her into cutting off contact with her friends and family back home, but also convinced her to put her music career on hold so that they could be together all the time:

(You can read the full post here.)

He also talked Skye into quitting her job once he began making enough money off YouTube, with the reasoning that couples should be spending at least 50% of their time together. (I’m having trouble finding the screenshot for this, but it’s out there somewhere - I’ve seen it before.) Here is a similar screenshot, however:

He would also become extremely angry with Adrienne when she wanted to go out with her friends…

...and tried to manipulate her into quitting her job, moving in with him, and depending entirely on him as her source of income, all within three weeks of meeting her.

6. Gaslighting causes victim to doubt what they see or hear. Inability to trust own thoughts and reasoning.

When Lainey first broke up with Greg and was considering divorce after he cheated on her with Billie, she admitted that she had never even wanted a girlfriend to begin with, and that it had been Greg who was pressuring her into it…

…but later, when Lainey recounted her side of the story in a response video to the one that Billie released, she adamantly maintained that it was she who had wanted to experiment with her bisexuality - evidence that Greg had been gaslighting her into believing that he was not at fault, yet again, and that it was Lainey who had desired to keep bringing back Billie over and over again. The tweet posted in first part of this screenshot was taken only six months after the tweet in the second part:

In addition - despite having told Lainey that it was his decision to sleep with Billie, and despite having literally admitted in a video that he published on YouTube to Billie having repeatedly brought up her discomfort with going behind Lainey’s back in order to be intimate with Greg - he still managed to convince Lainey to doubt her own perceptions enough to the point where she now, to this day - over two years later - still considers Billie to be the homewrecker, and that it was Billie who cheated on her with Greg, not Greg who cheated on her with Billie. That is how manipulative he is.

During one of the periods in time when Greg and Lainey had broken up with Billie yet again, Lainey began talking to a new girl named Hailey (known online as Luxymoo). At first, Hailey believed that her relationship with Lainey would be exclusive; but after Greg informed her that the relationship would actually be an open polyamorous one, she realized that she was uncomfortable with the arrangement and decided to pull out. Despite the fact that she had every right to choose not to go through with it, Greg then attempted to gaslight her and invalidate her feelings:

After that I started doing research on what it meant to be in a three way relationship, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me. Which killed me, because all I wanted to do was be with Lainey. I wanted to try for them, but at the end of the day, I had to consider my personal feelings on the matter. I knew I couldn’t be what they wanted, because I wanted Lainey.

I told Lainey as soon as I came to that conclusion. I wanted to be honest. I didn’t want to drag it out. Lainey didn’t respond to me.. but Greg did. He said that if he were in my position, he would do whatever it takes to be with Lainey. He said that I didn’t really care about Lainey, that all I was looking for was friendship. He said that he thought my mind was broken. He said he thought I may be sexually dormant. He then would say that he thinks i’m a good person and that i’m the safer alternative. He called me a good distraction.

He wanted me to still come up. But that was a fleeting thought. He said friendship would be hard, and that I was doing everything I could to avoid a relationship with Lainey. Then he pitched the idea of me being with Lainey exclusively, while he’s with Lainey exclusively. Like we wouldn’t be doing sexual things together. I still declined because 1. he had spent so much time invalidating MY feelings on the matter, attacking my personality, pressuring me, etc. and 2. I also knew that that wasn’t what they wanted, and I told him that we would still hit that road block of me wanting exclusiveness. He had said in a previous conversation that it was like him and Lainey were on an island and I had a boat, but I wouldn’t throw them a life line because I wasn’t the right boat.

(The full conversation and screenshot can be seen here.)

He also tried to use this tactic on Maya - a girl who dated Lainey very briefly in late 2017 - in an attempt to preemptively gaslight her and discredit her, should she choose to come forward with her story about what he did to her:

Which he did, in fact, try to do later on, by attempting to accuse Maya of being a “homewrecker” for “wiggling while she was sitting on his lap” (despite not mentioning that he was the one who had placed her there, which she did not consent to, and only went along with because she felt so uncomfortable). The posts detailing her full account can be found here and here.

7. Increased emotional and psychological dependence of victim on abuser.

Greg has already succeeded in doing this with Lainey and many other girlfriends in the past, and has attempted to do this to several more. When married to Skye, Greg insisted that she not have a job outside of the home because he believes that a couple should spend most of their time together (despite later claiming that spouses who do not have a job outside the home, or at least have children, are useless). After meeting Shiloh, despite the fact that she was a celebrity in Canada at the time they met, he forced her to quit her singing career and move in with him to work for and with him full-time; to this day, over seven years later, her singing career still has not recovered. Upon breaking up with Shiloh, he dated a woman named Adrienne, who he attempted to manipulate into moving in with him within three weeks of the start of their relationship - and she almost did. And likewise, when he began dating Lainey, within a month of meeting her, he had proposed to her, rented a house in the state where she lived so that she could finish high school, and then married and impregnated her within the year, so that he could groom her and keep tabs on her until she was old enough to marry.

Lainey does not have a job, and is completely financially and psychologically dependent upon Greg for not just survival, but her very sense of identity and self-worth as a person. In fact, she is so dependent on Greg as a source of ego regulation that I wrote an entire post breaking down and analyzing my impression of Lainey’s personality matrix because I was so baffled by the extent of her psychological dependency on him. You can read it here, if you’re curious (and have a lot of spare time).

8. Punishment through anger, verbal abuse, forced isolation, character assassination, etc.

When angry with ex-girlfriend Shiloh, he pushed her into a door frame, causing her to miscarry (although some people do not believe that she was pregnant, since she and Greg had once faked a pregnancy and stillbirth):

He also forced her to shave her head bald, calling her a “whore”, “his property”, and “a good bitch”:

When Billie lied to him about smoking weed, he attempted to punish her by forcing her to dye her eyebrows green, shave off her hair (the third time he has attempted to, or succeeded in, manipulating a girlfriend to shave her hair off), get an ugly tan, be chained to his basement wall for a week wearing a sign saying “I’m sorry for lying Lainey” around her neck, and tattoo “I’m a liar” in the small of her back:

When he breaks up with exes, he also slanders and demeans their character on social media. He even does this with friends, other YouTubers, and sometimes just with people - usually women - that he doesn’t like. Including myself, by the way:

Proud moment. :’)

He made a video criticizing his ex (Adrienne) for the number of sexual partners she’s had, as well as implying that her vaginal hygiene was poor, and even made a series of videos in which he went and got himself tested for various STDs in order to imply that she was so promiscuous that she could have given him one (a video which later got deleted off YouTube when he realized how many downvotes it was getting); however, you can see her reference the video in her letter here:

When he and Skye divorced, he slandered her by calling her a thief and a liar, and continued to milk sympathy from his fans by implying that he was unfairly being forced to pay alimony, even though he agreed to the amount in the settlement, and she was rightly owed that money for her part in producing his early Onision videos.

When he broke up with Billie, he said and did several things to demean her character, including calling her a drug addict, imply that she’s “less than” for being a high school dropout who lives with her parents still, and also revealed to his entire fan base that she has an eating disorder, accused her family of being drugs addicts, and that she had been sexually assaulted and had an abortion, a secret which she had previously revealed to only a handful of close friends and family:

After Blaire White called him out for his actions, he made a video calling her so many different vile names, with such vitriolic hatred in his voice, that I actually have trouble watching it all the way through. You can really see his narcissistic rage coming out in this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEVHT6No5Xc

He has exhibited this cycle over and over again with YouTuber Cyr, who he has been friends with off and on for years:

Most recently - meaning since I first wrote this post (about a year and a half ago) - he has continued in this pattern of slandering ex-girlfriends and ex-friends a further three or four times at least; and so this is the part of this sub-heading that will provide new information that was not included in my old post.

After Jaclyn Glenn began dating Richie of SocialRepose, Greg flew off the handle, making a series of insulting comments about Jaclyn’s physical appearance on Twitter and YouTube, including remarking that tall women are gross, and that had she been dating him, he never would have allowed her to get breast implants, because they’re disgusting (and she’s disgusting for having them):

Since she has broken up with Richie, Greg has now reverted to his attempts at love-bombing Jaclyn (and her friend Jessie Paege) on Twitter, hoping to reignite their friendship (and the possibility of bringing her into a new trinity with Lainey, or at least hoping that she’ll be able to give a boost to his YouTube career).

A few months ago, a close friend of both Greg and Lainey - model, actress, and member of the BDSM community Madison DeCambra - made a video with Greg about the DDlg (Daddy Dom/little girl) kink, which was received very poorly by the DDlg community. Feeling responsible for having hurt and contributed to the misrepresentation of the community that she loves so much, Madison posted a video on YouTube apologizing for any pain that her involvement in Greg’s video may have caused. Greg reacted to this by terminating their six-year-long friendship, as well as - predictably - going on a tirade of character assassinations against her on Twitter, including bringing her two-year-old daughter into it despite having previously accused anyone willing to bring a person’s children up during an argument of being trash.

These were the texts he sent to Madison, which he then posted publicly on Twitter in order to discard and defame her:

(Source)

Here is a screenshot of Madison arguing with TomatoBisquette (another former friend of Greg’s whom he has discarded, in his case for being friendly towards MrRepzion, a YouTuber who Greg hates for having called him out in the past), who had tried to make light of how upset she was when Greg posted on Twitter telling her that he was disgusted by her and never considered her a friend:

He also used the opportunity to take another pot-shot at Beck - a former fan of Greg and Lainey before she, too, was ousted from their lives - for defending Madi:

However, the worst part of this interaction is that he chose to bring Madison’s two-year-old daughter into the argument, just because he was angry with her mother. Here was Madison’s (understandably angry and hurt) response:

A recent addition to the roster of the Avaroe’s stable of ex-friends, Maya - a 19-year-old bartender who briefly dated Lainey, and who visited them for about a week over the Christmas holidays in 2017 - described Greg’s behavior towards her as being bizarrely, uncomfortably interested in probing her about her past. She felt that he was pressing her for information to use against her in the future, and described the odd, inappropriate expression of pleasure that would come across his face while he was listening to a person describe some misfortune that had befallen them:

It would take me ages to compile a list of all of the exes, friends, YouTubers, and other randoms that he’s demeaned on social media or in his videos, so instead I’m just going to provide a (probably incomplete, and still-growing) list of people whose characters he has assassinated on Twitter or YouTube:

Exes: Skye, Shiloh, Adrienne, Billie

Friends: Cyr, Andy Biersack (and his father), TomatoBisquette, Maya, Madison DeCambra, Beck, Jaclyn Glenn

YouTubers: Social Repose, Blaire White, Eugenia Cooney, Dan Howell, Keemstar, LeafyIsHere

Other: Ayallah (best friend of Billie, ex-girlfriend of Social Repose), Lainey’s family (father and sister), his own father, Luxymoo (Hailey)

9. Scouting new supply.

Before he had even divorced Skye, he moved on to Shiloh. When Shiloh left him and went back to Canada, he met Adrienne. When he broke up with Adrienne and she refused to take him back, he was texting Shiloh and Skye within 24 hours. When Skye, Shiloh, and Adrienne all refused to take him back, he then moved on to Lainey, who he had met and proposed marriage to within just a few short weeks of meeting. When he got bored of the ultimate power that he exerted over Lainey, he used her as queerbait to pull in Billie. When he and Lainey broke up with Billie - still bored with Lainey - he began auditioning new girls for a spot in his harem (Hailey/Luxymoo, Eryn, Maya, Sam, Beck). Here is a timeline of Greg’s known romantic relationships over the past fifteen years:

If Greg’s high school classmate is to be believed, however, then there are many, many women that Greg has been with that did not make this list.

And finally, here’s a funny, tongue-in-cheek chart chronicling the pattern of what happens when Greg and Lainey bring a new girl into the house:

Lainey doesn’t know it yet, but this entire cycle is going to begin repeating itself sooner or later. It’s just a matter of time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were lowkey auditioning girls as I write this.

10. Acting as though nothing happened.

Need I say more?

#onision #laineybot #narcissism #npd #abuse #anti onision #anti o

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