#so they called the woman I was just talking abt and she brought two women with her who are also paramedics so the men could leave

[boag]

You need an allergy ointment for your skin. I have the same skin reaction when I'm very stressed or anxious. Don't take benadryl anymore, you need desloratadine. Maybe do an oatmeal bath to soothe your skin.

Thank u for the tips i actually just had paramedics come out to the house bc my lips started swelling and my mom got worried and called 911 . And I got briefly evaluated but I didn’t wanna go to the hospital rn bc im exhausted and barely slept and the swelling went down anyway . So im abt to take an oatmeal bath and then a nap in some fresh clean sheets/blankets and I promised the paramedics that if my symptoms are still as bad (or worsening) when I wake up I’ll go to the hospital . And while they were out here they called a mental health professional who works w them and she came out and talked to me abt all the problems I’ve been having and she was really amazing and she gave me her card with her cell number in case I need any help and she said she would personally take my case on and help me get into regular one-on-one therapy with a therapist who specializes in helping traumatized young women like me :’)

[automatonknight]

all I know abt Lisa is through osmosis from your blog and !! I am very curious could you tell me more mayhaps.. if you want....

EEK YES YES YES!!! I COULD!!!! OF COURSE I WANT I'M DELIGHTED TO!!!! it's probably gonna be rlly spoiler-y though watch out! the games also discuss difficult topics such as sexual assault, abuse etc etc. i actually don't know much about the og lisa games (the first, the painful and the joyful) beyond the scope of what i heard in hbomberguy's essay about them . the gist is that an event called "the flash" happened that caused all the women to disappear, it was also sort of apocalyptic in nature to the world in general i assume? since it looks how it looks, basically a wasteland. the first is about Lisa, who is Brad's sister if i remember correctly. it focuses on her memories and trauma of being brought up in an abusive home. the painful follows the story of Brad, who finds a baby girl, names her Buddy and takes care of her the best he can. Buddy disappears one day and he tracks her down because it's a really dangerous world, especially to her. the joyful follows Buddy herself, as she murders all the poeple who could pose a threat to her so she's safe, basically, running off what i remember. i know a bit more about the hopeful, from what i've seen it happens between the painful and joyful, although no characters from those games are really invloved, although i'm pretty sure one scene hints at the fact that Buddy was nearby. the story follows 3 losers and their boss, basically. beltboy (benny), lanks (liam), cyclops (clyde) and rodriguez, who doesn't have a stupid nickname. in non-pain runs (basically pain mode makes the game harder and it sometimes affects the endings, just as doing "joyless" runs does. joy is a drug that makes you feel nothing, so it's very effective for battles and junk, but it has its risks) rodriguez get's killed at the very beginning and the three have to find "the girl", who is rumored to be somewhere in the area, on their own. in pain mode you can recruit rodriguez when you fail to bring him gasoline. stuff mostly stays the same between routes except for events at the sportsdome, where depending on how you talk to the others as benny, different person will sustain a serious injury (and either die later on or turn into a joy mutant, if they took joy) and different person will get captured by the lovelies (they're also looking for the girl, their leader is hart and they're all assholes, basically). if rod is with you, you bail sooner and don't participate in the sports event at the dome (the prize for winning is supposed to be the girl). then again the path forks at the end, where it also depends on who survived and if you took joy. the kind of "true" ending is for joyless beltboy, who, out of all the others, isn't as obsessed with chasing the girl and is more understanding, treating her like a human being. speaking of, the girl (whose name is five i think? and she's really a grown woman runaway experiment also) actually helps you in this ending yippiee!! friends forever. there are also two bonus characters you can have in your party, yogurt master and reginald, but they aren't as tied to the story as the others. i'm worried i'm running close to the character limit here anyways here's a very cool video on the hopeful by wormgirl if you wanna watch it (it's what actually what got me into the game!)

[panb1mbo]

i’ve been married since i was a teenager and one of the more sane teen decisions i made was talking to my then boyfriend abt not buying me a fancy ring bc of ethics. well i got a recycled ring and the story of how my new (to me) engagement ring came to be is under the read more cause it’s someone else’s love story that set the stage for mine. i’m gonna try to do it justice, word count be dammed.

sometimes the family guilt is just so heavy it results in you getting cool shit. well my man’s horrible nana is basically dead to us, and long story short he got and gifted me an heirloom engagement ring. the ring with the best marriage history in his family. a ring owned and loved by a woman who oddly and eerily reminds me of myself a little too much for me to believe in coincidence. this ring was his great grandmother’s. she survived the great depression and like most traumatized girlies with a complicated past; she left ohio as soon as she was old enough to leave without being brought back home by becoming a navy nurse. i like to think it’s because that’s one of the least scandalous and seemingly most honorable ways a women could get a little bit of personal and financial freedom back in the olden days without people talking mad shit, and knowing what i do about the family history that seems right up her ally.

the ring came to be, because like me; she seemingly got married on a whim. but that “whim” lasted a lifetime. when she met the man she wanted to marry, she already knew she did not want kids. had known so for a while. being someone with a uterus in that time period, she just kind of assumed marriage wasn’t an option for her because she never wanted to commit to being a parent, and back then and still today (for some people) marriage and having a baby, (just like giving birth to a baby and choosing to parent a baby) are two very different, very personal choices to make. I think she was very aware of the dominant culture around her and couldn’t or wouldn’t let herself anticipate finding someone who could love her unconditionally, regardless of what she did or didn’t want to do with her body. At least, not until she met the man she fell in love with.

i think she really only had friends with benefits, or whatever the 50s/60s version of that is called. until that one friend she really liked eventually confessed he couldn’t have babies after she confessed she couldn’t marry because she didn’t want babies. apparently she changed her stance on the marriage thing really quickly after that, kinda how i changed my mind after i said i never wanted to marry before realizing it’s not inherently an act of marriage that sours relationships, but how people behave and treat their marriage. and since my husband’s in the picture, she either changed her mind about having kids after they found out whatever doctor told her husband he was infertile was so, so wrong. or they couldn’t access the reproductive care she needed and they made the choice to parent the only baby they ever had together the best that they could.

[n0bamak1s]

mutual - mai zenin x reader

request: “Could you write mai x non-binary s/o, where mai is realizing that she has a crush on s/o, it'd be funny to see her reaction when the s/o get asked by todo before they spar, abt the kind of woman s/o like, and s/o just shrug and answer 'mai, i guess'.” - @814519

summary: reader seems to take a liking to mai, who refuses to acknowledge her schoolgirl crush on them, and todo somehow manages to be the one to get them to stop dancing around their feelings for each other. (genre: fluff, mutual pining, slice of life-y)

warnings: swearing, mentions of fighting, mostly just fluff

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i’m sorry to take a long ass hiatus again but i have some fics i’m working on rn!! thank you all sm for being so patient with how slow i can be T_T btw this one includes some very mild miwa x reader as well just as a heads up lol!

when you first transferred schools in order to master your cursed technique, your first instinct was to raise an eyebrow at your classmates. the lineup of students in your school consisted of a boy who might as well be a bodybuilder, a blonde girl whose hair seemed to defy gravity, an awkward looking stoic boy clad in traditional clothing, a girl with a gun holster on the side of her baggy pants who wore a bored expression as her gaze met yours, and a normal looking blue haired girl standing next to some rusty looking robot. with all their strange hairstyles and odd clothing choices, combined with how nonchalant they were about their mechanical companion, they might as well be the cast of some forgotten sitcom from the 80s.

after introducing yourself to your stiff new classmates, you were whisked away to be led to your dorm by the blue haired girl (would you call her a “bluenette”?) who you learned was called miwa. as you walked, you asked her questions about her cursed technique, to which she sheepishly smiled and explained how she was the most “useless” of the students.

in response to her shameless self deprecation, you simply scoffed and sent an easy smile her way. “you really shouldn’t beat yourself up like that miwa, if you do it’ll be much easier for your opponents to.” despite the teasing nature of your words, you really did hope you’d managed to encourage her a bit.

miwa turned to you with bright eyes and a sincere smile. “that means a lot, really! it’ll be so nice to have an upperclassman here who isn’t so intimidating. i’m always so nervous to ask mai for help with stuff, so it’s nice to know you believe in me!”

her smile was infectious as you mirrored your junior’s facial expression. “there’s no need to be scared of them you know, believe me, just because they’re older doesn’t mean they have any idea what they’re doing.”

she shrugged in response. “i guess you might be right, this morning mai was practically shaking in her boots about getting to meet you, so maybe it’s all just a tough facade!”

you thought back to the girl who had introduced herself as mai.

what first caught your eye was the way she carried herself. while next to her other classmates as she introduced herself to you, arms crossed over her chest and back straight, as if it was an attempt to look high and mighty. rather than a proper introduction, she simply told you her name, before looking away boredly. the both of you chose to ignore the way todo teased her, before turning to introduce himself with a smug smile. he opened his mouth to seemingly ask you something, but was quickly cut off by mai stomping on his foot, sending him a harsh look. she glanced back at you with a slightly softer expression and a monotone apology for “his idiocy.”

you chuckled quietly at the idea of the girl who presented herself as so blunt and cold getting all nervous at the idea of your arrival.

breaking you out of your reminiscence, miwa waved her hands in front of her nervously as she turned to you. “just please don’t tell her i said that!” her guilty expression rivaled that of a kid who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

before she could continue in her nervous exclamation about how intimidated she was by her senior, you grabbed her hands that had been motioning wildly to match her words. “don’t worry miwa, i’d never sell you out like that.” you let out a small chuckle as you examined the genuine worry on her face, to which she just sheepishly smiled. it was funny to you how scared she seemed of her seniors, but it couldn’t help you from getting an odd urge to want to protect the small girl.

“besides,” your smile turned sly “, if what you say is true, i bet mai would be too shy to even talk to me!” a loud laugh escaped your lips as you continued your way down the dorm halls with long strides. behind you, miwa sped up when remembering she was supposed to be the one escorting you to your dorm.

“come on, that’s not fair to hang it over my head like that!” she whined as she managed to match your pace.

as miwa trailed ever so slightly behind you, you caught sight of a newly familiar head of dark hair (under the fluorescent lighting you couldn’t entirely tell whether it was green or black.)

“mai!” you called out to the girl you’d been newly acquainted with, raising one hand in greeting and slinging the other around your very embarrassed looking juniors shoulders.

the girl you’d shouted to turned to you with heavy lidded eyes that gave her face a bored, almost annoyed, expression. her turning your way was quickly followed by todo, who you guessed had been standing next to her, glancing over the hallway corner to meet your gaze. those two made an odd pair, from what you could tell. in contrast to mai’s impassive greeting, todo had introduced himself with booming confidence, before going on to complain to utahime that he’d have to leave in order to make it back to his dorm to score tickets for a concert featuring takeda. in the moment, you had to stifle a laugh at the memory of such an intimidating looking dude having a huge crush on an idol with absolutely no shame about it.

mai opened her mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off by todos roaring voice. “hey new kid!” his demeanor had been as confident as you remember, despite the fact that you were pretty sure he’d forgotten your name in the short time from when you had left to see your dorm. you gave him a smile and a lopsided wave in response.

“did you snag those tickets you were worried about earlier todo?”

“easily.” he bragged as if you cared about getting a pair of tickets for yourself. “however, earlier i meant to ask you a question, but SHE,” he pointed a thumb annoyedly at his companion, “very rudely interrupted me by stepping on my foot.”

“todo…” mai’s tone seemed warning as her eyes flickered between you and him.

“as much as i would LOVE to hear what your question is todo, i really do have to go unpack” you smiled abashedly, pulling miwa to your side, who nodded with wide eyes at how unphased you were.

“it might be better to ask when we spar later.” he shrugged. “that way i can really hear your impulse answer.” he crossed his arms, clearly to look intimidating.

“works for me! i’ll see you then too, mai.” you winked at her as you tugged miwa along behind you. mai huffed at your embarrassing show of flirtatiousness, but you didn’t miss the slight flush of her cheeks as she turned from you while rounding the corner.

even as you were close to the door of your dorm at the end of the hall, you could still hear mai berating todo for how embarrassing he was.

“i think she likes me.” a cat like grin overtook your face as you stopped in front of your dorm.

“utahime said your uniform would be folded on your bed, once you’re changed you can join us for sparring.” miwa smiled bashful smile. she’d probably chosen to ignore your previous statement in hopes of not being dragged into any drama.

“thanks miwa!” you grinned and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder, to which she simply looked away timidly.

“it’s no problem, really.” she waved off your appreciation. “but between the two of us, i think you may be right about mai liking you.”

she bowed before running off, probably to get ready for sparring, leaving you grinning like an idiot in response to her revelation.

maybe the feeling was kinda mutual.

you were quick to change into your all black uniform pants and jacket, then breaking into a stride to the yard where sparring took place. that was, until you realized you were wandering rather aimlessly considering, you know, you didn’t really know where the yard was yet. peering around the hallway, your eye caught on an oh so familiar girl adorned in baggy black pants.

“hey mai!” you almost had it in you to feel bad for approaching her yet again.

almost.

“i’m kinda lost, d’you think i could walk with you?”

she nodded a yes in response, motioning with a hand for you to follow her.

after a one too many moments of awkward silence, you decided you’d have to be the one to bite the bullet and break it. “you know that thing todo was saying earlier about having a question he needed to ask me?” she looked up in a way that made her seem as if she’d just been brought out of being lost in her thoughts.

“what of it?”

“do you happen to know what it was? he seemed pretty serious about it.” well, as serious as todo could get.

to your surprise, mai attempted to stifle a chuckle, before a laugh managed to slip past her.

“it’s this totally dumb thing he likes to do.” she tilted her head slightly back so she looked at the ceiling as she talked. “to size people up, he likes to ask them what their type in women is.”

you let out a snort as you laughed, though you couldn’t say you were surprised.

“he seems like such a hopeless romantic, it’s hilarious.”

“yeah.” a soft smile painted her face. “but you’d better get an answer ready, if he thinks you’re too boring he’ll beat your ass.”

“really now?” you raised an eyebrow, to which she nodded in confirmation. “what does he classify as ‘boring’?”

she shrugged. “depends. whenever someone prefers personality he either beats the shit out of them or starts crying.” it was clear in her tone how exasperated her friend made her.

“what did you say? when he asked you?” you turned to face her fully, which made her realize how close together your faces were. for just a beat, she paused to examine your expression. despite your earlier teasing, you seemed sincere in your question. either you were oblivious to the blush spreading across her face, or you chose not to tease her for it.

before an answer could leave her parted open lips, she was interrupted by a voice calling both of your names.

“hey toshinori!” you smiled at the stone faced boy in front of you as you used mai’s shoulder as an armrest.

“it’s noritoshi.” the monotony in his voice made you stifle a laugh. “and you guys are running late for sparring, what were you even doing?”

her eyes glowered in his direction, clearly not in the mood to play hall monitor with him. “i was just being welcoming to our new classmate.”

he ignored her passive aggressive response and turned to you. “todo keeps asking where you are, so you might wanna hurry up.” with a swift turn, he began walking down the hallway with long strides.

once he seemed out of earshot, you burst into laughter, and from your arm you could feel mai’s shoulders shake from repressing a giggle.

“he walks like a goddamn penguin!” you referred to how his arms were wide at his sides and his stiff steps.

“him and mechamaru walk the exact same way, i’m starting to think he might just be a more advanced robot.” her dry tone was combatted by the way the corners of her mouth turned up in a lopsided grin.

“though, we should probably get going, even if i get a pass for being new here, i’m not sure how utahime would react to you being late.”

you didn’t notice how her eyes softened at your concern for her as you beckoned for her to lead the way.

“i don’t think she’d mind, after all utahime loves me for my pep and bubbly spirit.” her voice oozed with sarcasm while you smiled to yourself about how you’d managed to get her to loosen up.

the walk to the sparring field was quick, and it made you wonder how much time you two had taken just talking at the end of the hallway. you were greeted by the sight of your strangely styled classmates (plus the literal robot) beginning to split into pairs. before you could turn to mai with the question of partnering up, you were greeted by a todo with a firm hand on your shoulder.

“we’re partnering up, new kid!” it was more of a declaration than an offer. you smiled awkwardly as his shadow enveloped your figure, seeing mai be whisked away by momo out of the corner of your eye. if you’d looked close enough, you’d have been able to see the annoyed look mai sent at todo and the smug smile momo flashed at mai and her obvious display of jealousy.

you planted your feet on the ground that was caked in dust and prepared yourself into a fighting stance, with fists raised and legs steady. though it seemed you’d gotten prepared to defend from an attack that wasn’t coming. instead, todo marched over to you confidently. mai glanced over from her sparring, knowing exactly what was coming.

he called your name in his usual booming voice, which you were surprised he actually knew.

“what is your type in women?” he towered over you, his expression dead serious despite his absolutely ridiculous question.

feeling mai’s eyes trailing you, you glanced over to her. she mouthed something to you about not saying personality. you failed to hold back a chuckle, which seemed to snap todo out of his intimidating glower.

his gaze followed yours, which was still focused on mai for the briefest of moments.

“ohhhh i get it…you’ve got a thing for mai, huh?” he sounded like a child about to blackmail their sibling.

a furious blush overtook mai’s face practically instantly, while momo covered her mouth with a hand to suppress a laugh. you glanced between a boastful looking todo and a tomato looking mai.

“yeah i guess you could say she’s my type.” you shrugged nonchalantly, to which you could hear mai sputtering something about how you were just trying to embarrass her. miwa had a sheepish look on her face as she walked over to check on mai, though it only seemed to make her more flustered when miwa asked if she wanted to go to the nurse.

while witnessing the admittedly charming trainwreck happening in front of you, there was a moment for you to look back at todo.

“are you CRYING?”

“i have no shame in it. it’s like mai is my daughter and i’m walking her down the aisle at her wedding.”

“it’s absolutely nothing like that, todo.”

he ignored your blatant confusion at his reaction. “young love is so beautiful. you have my full blessing to date mai.” he sniffles and wiped his nose, then held it out for you to shake, to which you scrunched your nose in disgust.

“thanks for the ‘blessing’ and all, but now that we’re done with that, i think i should go spar with lover girl over there.” you threw your thumb over your shoulder to point to mai.

“you guys should join me and takeda for a double date! we can arrange a date once she finally answers my calls.” todo had a large grin, shameless about his tear stained cheeks.

“how about it?” you raised an eyebrow at mai, who had become significantly more composed in the time you hadn’t been looking in her direction.

“absolutely not.” she deadpanned, though her impassive look didn’t last very long as she leaned over to whisper in your ear, cracking a small smile reserved for you. “i’d rather we just hang out without that oaf, you know it’s embarrassing for them to see how you get me acting like a schoolgirl with her first crush.”

the moment paused for a split second for her to glance at todo, who was staring you down like a disapproving father.

“plus lord knows takeda isn’t answering him anytime soon.”

“I HEARD THAT!”

[thxngam]

i think being a ww fan means recognizing the inherent flaws in its story and characters. for every amazing character moment, theres the fact that the show has a lot of misogyny, both from its male characters and how its female characters are written and treated (ex. the whole laurie and sam arc. some of the stuff that josh says to donna). for every istotg moment, theres the fact that charlie was literally written in bc the show was considered too white (and for most of its run, was). for all the awesome political moments, for all the show presented bipartisanship, and had republicans that were sympathetic, three-dimensional characters, theres the fact of ainsleys entire introduction to the show. it has issues, real issues, and highlighting its high highs should also come with acknowledging its low lows.

Absolutely! I couldn’t have said it any better  (but pls watch as i proceed to make your point bc i feel like i should respond).

For any of yall saying the moments i talk about don’t rlly matter, please notice that even if it didn’t bother you, it might have bothered other ppl/enforced steroetypes/etc. 

For example, there’s one super misogynistic line that josh says that still sticks with me? as a woman, i think most times the show was sexist/anytime anybody was sexist i tend to notice in a way men probably don’t, the same way white ppl don’t notice when everybody in a room is white. it’s just something you notice. but anyway, there’s that one thing with the economy/china-us trade relationship or something in season 5 or 6 and they talk about bras, which is this whole comedic moment. but i remember donna telling josh this, and then josh going “do the Chinese even need bras?”

and i’m not Chinese, i’m desi and i don’t know what it’s like be Chinese and i’m sure there are cultural beauty standards i’m not aware of, obviously. but hearing that line made me so uncomfortable. ig it was supposed to be funny, and donna sort of reprimands him, but it made me so uncomfortable! and there are so many moments like that on the show.

there are maybe 3 recurring black characters (charlie, fitz, nancy mcnally) and that’s it. there’s angela blake, but she wasn’t there for you to like her bc she was “replacing” josh after that whole carrick business. your point about charlie being the point of diversity saddens me. i saw one asian person on the show, cathy, for like two episodes. that’s all. 

and also, sam, despite being my favorite, says some sexist things! i’m gonna talk about sam because he is my favorite, but moments of casual sexism are true of just about every character on the show. the bit about “leggy blonde republicans not knowing anything”, he condescends connie tate (i thought that was kinda funny but it was in poor taste bc connie--despite not seeing much of her--was incredibly intelligent and sam speaking down to her did rub me wrong), the bit about “baton twirling” when he talks to ainsley (tho she gives a great quip back and abt five minutes later he calls her intelligent), that borderline savior mentality with laurie (i (not being a sex worker, someone pls let me know if that was more problematic than the way i saw it) would’ve been fine with that whole storyline if they just kept her on so we could see laurie put sam in his place some more. bc i liked that they said that sex work was real work and that she liked what she did and didn’t fall to some trope about being abused as a child/crazy/etc but then they straight up never mentioned her again. she was smart and she could put him into his place and i liked her enough that i wish we saw their friendship). also he hears from this one weather person/air force person, and when he sees her he goes “you look exactly how you sound on the phone” and yuck

all the same, i like sam! he was idealistic and incredibly smart and i loved all his little impromptu speeches and he had great chemistry with everybody. i was so sad when he left the show and so excited when he came back (even for like two scenes). but i know he’s problematic. knowing he’s problematic and liking him as a character can happen at the same time.

also cj and relationships is weird on this show. that whole episode where she goes back to visit her ailing father there’s this weird romance with that one guy and it’s so weird. also bill? that we never see? the ranger or whatever? i like that cj had emotions (to be strong does not equal emotionless, i appreciated her appreciation for a pretty dress/shoes/jewelry bc that’s something i wish i knew when i was younger) but that was ridiculous. when she gets promoted to chief of staff, this was a great moment to mention sexism in the workplace/the sad rarity of women in power and i honestly don’t think they did, at least not meaningfully enough that i remember it. 

also there’s this whole ridicule of the michigan’s women’s caucus? not important at all, but it’s a sad how they talk down to an organization that isn’t there for mockery just because it’s full of women. it’s a legitimate thing, and because it’s full of women they constantly talk down about it.

i don’t know, but as i type this, i keep noticing more casual sexism and racism on the show. but that doesn’t mean i don’t love the show anyway. government can be optimistic (it’s not right now, but it can be) and it brought me out of a funk and i love it so, but like you said, it has its high highs and its low lows and we, as viewers, should acknowledge this. 

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[whitewolfandthefox]

The Call of the Wild

Credit to @riviawitch3r for the idea: “Someone pls write me an au where magic ppl can become animals. Geralt is a white wolf obvi, Ciri is clearly a lion, Yen is prolly like a birb (golden eagle or maybe raven?) or maybe, like a black fox idk I’m less sure abt her but I just really need this au.” They were also an AMAZING beta! Thanks darling!

A/N. Please be kind! This is my very first fanfiction. The story does not follow canon, although some events that happened in the show may appear or have some effects on the plotline here. There will be several chapters, comment or drop me an ask if you are interested in being tagged!

Series Masterlist

Word count: 3.8K

Warnings: mentions of blood, loss of consciousness, nightmares

Chapter 1: The Wolf

Humming to yourself, you bent down to pick the herbs you needed to make your potion. Standing up, you put the small petals in your basket before turning to look for the next plant you needed. It was then that you saw the animal standing on the other side of the clearing. You froze in fear, staring at the giant white wolf that suddenly appeared as if out of thin air, as it looked back at you with golden eyes. Do I run? It hasn’t moved yet. 

Carefully, you set down your basket and gathered your skirts, preparing to dash for a tree, anywhere to get away from the wolf. Before you could move, the wolf groaned and stiffly lay down. As it did, you caught a glimpse of its side, coated in a dark red. The wolf put its head between its paws and groaned again. You took half a step forward, before catching yourself, unsure of the beast’s intentions.

Torn, you glanced towards your basket of herbs and then back to the wolf. When it made no other move, you slowly stepped over to pick it up, watching the still animal the whole time. When the wolf made no movement, other than its eyes following you the few steps across the clearing, you made your decision. Carefully approaching the wolf, you crooned in a low, soft voice. “I just want to take a look at your side. Will you allow me to do that? I mean you no harm.”

The wolf raised its head slightly to look at you, slowly blinking its golden eyes. You froze, waiting to see what it would do next. You swore you saw the wolf nod before it set its head back down between its paws, shifting so that it lay on its other side, releasing another pained whine. 

Shaking yourself out of the stupor that had fallen over you, you moved quickly to the wolf’s side, sinking to your knees next to it. The wolf was even larger up close. As you examined its side, a sinking feeling appeared in your stomach. The wolf had been clawed, four long slashes running from its shoulder down its side almost to its back legs. The feeling of despair worsened, the cuts were very deep and still weeping blood freely. You scrambled for your basket of supplies, reaching for the coagulant potion you had made the other day. 

“This will hurt,” you warned the wolf, before pouring the potion over its side. The wolf stiffened and turned its head to snap half heartedly at your hand. You snatched your fingers back to your chest, cradling your hand and glaring at the wolf. You shook your finger at the wolf in exasperation.

“You are the one who came to me,” you scolded, “behave.”

Why am I talking to the wolf as if it could understand me? In fact, why am I even helping it? It is definitely not a normal wolf, it is much too big. 

The wolf huffed, before looking off into the woods. Glancing into your basket again, you pulled another potion out and looked hesitantly at the wolf. “Can you drink this? It will help with the pain.”

The white beast lifted its head, nudging your hand with its snout. Taking that as a gesture of affirmation, you uncorked the bottle and tipped a few drops into the wolf’s maw. After waiting a few minutes for the potion to take effect, you pulled out a cloth and a flask of water and began to clean the edges of the wound. Once finished with your task, you rummaged in your basket for a needle and thread to stitch the wounds with. 

As the needle entered the wolf’s side, it threw its head back, its muzzle formed into a silent snarl. You paused, running your hand through its fur, trying to soothe the beast. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, ��but it must be done. I have to suture your wounds or they will not heal.”

Slowly, the wolf relaxed and you took this as your cue to continue stitching the slashes. You completed the stitches, and stopped, debating the best way to bandage the wolf’s body. As you did this, the animal tiredly lifted its head, as if wondering why you had paused. You glanced over and met it’s golden eyes, now having gone cloudy through a haze of exhaustion and pain. “I must wrap the stitches so they don’t get infected, but I’m not sure of the best way to do so,” you told the wolf. 

With a sigh, the white figure on the ground heaved itself to a standing position, whining softly in the back of its throat at the motion. Frantically, you tried to support some of its weight, worried that the stitches would pull and your work would be for naught. As the wolf finished getting to its feet, and after you reassured yourself that none of the stitches had pulled out during the movement, you busied yourself with wrapping its chest and belly with the bandages from your basket. Once that was done, you collected your things and pulled yourself to your feet. Turning to look at the wolf that stood motionless beside you, you spoke to it. “Well, that is all I can do for you now. Come, you can sleep in front of my hearth tonight so that I may check your stitches tomorrow.” 

Not waiting for a reply, you turned and set off on the deer trail that would take you back to your home. You lived a little ways out of town, in a small house with an enclosed yard where you grew your herbs and brewed your potions. Villagers often came out to see you, looking for an elixir or for healing, and you never turned anyone away. I guess that would be why I helped the wolf, I can’t bear to see anyone or anything in pain. I shall just have to hope it does not get hungry through the night. 

Glancing down at the creature that walked by your side, it was even more apparent that this was no ordinary wolf. Its head stood almost to your rib cage, quite tall for that species, even though you were shorter than many women. No, I don’t sense any ill intentions from this animal, although I am still not sure what it is. Unable to help yourself, you reached down and stroked the wolf’s head, marvelling at the softness of the white fur. It grumbled and looked up at you, as if in exasperation.

Reaching your yard, you opened the small gate, letting the wolf in in front of you and closing the gate as you walked through. Reaching into your basket, you pulled out the key to your door and let the two of you into the house. Placing your basket on the table, you turned to your hearth to start a fire, the night had begun to fall and the air to cool. After you had done this, you pulled the blanket off your couch and laid it on the stone in front of the fire. “Well then, you may sleep here tonight. Try to get some rest and I will check on you tomorrow morning.”

As the wolf settled onto the blanket with a groan, you glanced one last time at the bandages to check for blood. Seeing none, you walked down the hall to your bedroom to prepare for the night. After changing into your nightclothes, you flopped backwards onto your bed and crawled under the covers. As you slowly drifted off to sleep, your mind continued to wander back to the strange wolf with the golden eyes, and wondering what had happened to injure it so. 

As you fell asleep, strange thoughts and sounds whirled through your head, all centered on the animal asleep in your house.

Geralt limped through the forest, following the smell of herbs and magic. As he approached a small clearing, he could see a woman kneeling in the bushes, a basket filled with herbs by her side. He paused again smelling the air, having followed the distinctive scent of his kind to this area. As he lingered in the bushes, the woman across the clearing stood up, freezing in place when she turned and saw him. She set down her basket and gathered her skirts, her whole body tensing as if to run. The smell, the source is from around here somewhere. Groaning, Geralt lay down and placed his head between his front paws, hoping to show that he was not a threat. 

The woman paused at this motion, taking half a step towards him before hesitating and glancing over at her basket, stepping towards it. Geralt remained motionless, following her only with his eyes. Seeming to gather her courage, the stranger picked up her basket before approaching him. “I just want to take a look at your side. Will you allow me to do that? I mean you no harm.” she crooned. 

Geralt slowly lifted his head to glance over at her, slowly blinking, before nodding his head and putting his head back on the ground and rolling slightly onto his uninjured side, letting out a groan at the motion. Now that the woman was closer, Geralt realized that the scent was coming from her. Intrigued by this discovery, Geralt almost missed the woman warning him, “this will hurt” before pouring a liquid over his wounds. He stiffened as pain washed over him, beginning at his side. Turning his head, he gently snapped at her hand in warning. The woman snatched her hand back before shaking a finger at him, sternly telling him, “you are the one who came to me, behave.”

Geralt huffed in amusement, before turning his head to glance into the woods. It was getting dark, and he needed to find somewhere to shelter while his wounds healed. His attention was brought back to the stranger next to him as she rummaged in her basket and pulled out another vial before asking, “Can you drink this? It will help with the pain.”

Geralt nudged at the hand holding the vial in reply, allowing her to pour some of the potion into his maw. He placed his head back down on the ground, watching as the woman revealed a cloth and flask, leaning over him to clean the slashes that decorated his side. Once the blood was gone, she again reached into her basket before pulling out a needle and thread. As she poked at his skin to begin stitching the lips of the wound together, a flash of pain raced through his body, causing him to stiffen and throw his great head back, muzzle forming into a snarl as he desperately held back any noise. 

“I’m sorry, but it must be done. I have to suture your wounds or they will not heal.” the woman whispered, as she ran her hand through the fur on his side. Geralt slowly relaxed as the stroking soothed him and helped clear the pain. Geralt tried his best to stay still, only flinching slightly as the needle pulled his skin. After a while, the poking stopped, and Geralt opened his eyes to see the woman staring at him with a roll of bandages in her hand. “I must wrap the stitches so they don’t get infected, but I’m not sure of the best way to do so,” Understanding what she wanted, he sighed before heaving himself to his feet, whining lowly in the back of his throat as the movement sent a burning through him. The woman frantically reached for his massive shoulders before fussing over the wound in his side.

Satisfied with what she saw, the woman began to wrap the bandages around his chest, Geralt standing patiently as she did so. Once done, the woman gathered her supplies and stood, glancing back down at Geralt standing next to her before speaking, “Well, that is all I can do for you now. Come, you can sleep in front of my hearth tonight so that I may check your stitches tomorrow.”

Surprised at the offer, Geralt hurried to catch up with her as the woman crossed the clearing, heading for a small trail hidden at the side of the clearing. As the two of them walked, the woman glanced down at Geralt before brushing her hand over her head. The motion was a surprise, but not unwelcome. Geralt grumbled at himself for enjoying and allowing the gesture. 

After travelling for several minutes, a small house set in a stand of trees appeared. The woman walked over to the gate, opening it before allowing Geralt into the yard in front of her. As she closed the gate behind them, Geralt paused to take in the yard. It was small, but clearly well cared for. There were several patches of turned dirt, free of any weeds, as well as several hanging baskets and puts overflowing with various plants. Inhaling, Geralt could still make out that distinctive smell of the woman, although it was now masked by the scents of the plants in the yard, ones that he associated with healing.

Catching up to the woman as she unlocked her door, Geralt followed her inside and watched as she placed her basket on the table before kneeling in front of the hearth to start a fire. While she did so, Geralt took the opportunity to examine the house. It was small but looked like it was well lived in. Vials, empty and full, covered shelves and counters, interspersed with various herbs and tools. She looks like a healer, but smells like a witch. 

There was a door that led to a room that had a table and chairs, maybe a kitchen? There was a small hallway with several doors that branched off from the main room. The woman caught Geralt’s attention again as she pulled a blanket off of the small couch in the room and arranged it on the stones in front of the fire that was now roaring in the hearth. She stood up and looked at him, saying “Well then, you may sleep here tonight. Try to get some rest and I will check on you tomorrow morning.”

Geralt limped over to the blanket, groaning as he stiffly lay down, favouring his injured side. The woman leaned over him once more to check his bandages before disappearing down the hallway. Geralt could hear movement in another room before the house fell silent. Closing his eyes, he listened to the sounds of the woods outside the house before drifting off to sleep.

It was still dark outside when Geralt was woken by something. He remained motionless, trying to identify what sound had filtered through his dreams. Focusing inward, he searched for the well of power within himself, pausing once he found it before breaking through the barriers and allowing its power to surge through him. A wave of heat washed over him before Geralt found himself sitting amongst the blankets, returned to his human form. Glancing down at his bare chest, he saw that the stitches holding the four slashes running down his left side together had held throughout the night. 

The sound that had woken him came again, a small cry that sounded from down the hallway in the direction the woman had gone. Getting to his feet, Geralt put one hand on the wall as the room spun around him. Cursing the arachas that had injured him earlier, he waited for the lightheadedness to pass before wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and making his way slowly down the hallway. As he got closer, the muffled sounds of sobbing and thrashing became clearer. Leaning against the wall, Geralt hobbled closer to the door that hid the mysterious woman. He knocked on the door, hoping the sound would disrupt whatever night terror held the girl in its grip.

When the cries only grew louder, Geralt opened the door and took a step inside, only to be hit by a magical aura. He looked towards the bed in the room, taking in Y/H/C locks spread across the pillow from tossing throughout the night. The sheets were tangled in her legs, skin pale, cheeks flushed, tear tracks staining her face. Geralt pushed against the magic, trying to break through to the woman’s side. As he fought, he could feel the stitches in his side ripping, warm blood starting to spill down his side. As he reached the bed, the woman’s eyes flew open with a scream and she scrambled up the bed to lean against the headboard. 

Not wanting to frighten her anymore, Geralt froze in place. He could feel himself slowly weakening further as his wounds screamed at him in pain, but he didn’t dare move in case he broke the spell that had descended on the room. The woman curled in on herself, desperately trying to control her breathing but unable to. As she slowly grew paler, Geralt came to a decision and stepped forward in an attempt to calm her down.

Heart beating frantically, you cowered against the top of your bed, images from you dreams flashing through your mind. A dark castle, filled with pain and death. A badger, backed snarling into a corner. A man’s face shrouded in darkness. A white wolf with glowing golden eyes snarling at a shadowy figure, an injured lion cub behind it, snapping at the hand that emerged from the shadows. 

Gasping for breath, you hunched in on yourself, quickly growing lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. A movement from the corner of your eye had you spinning to see a white haired figure standing off to the side of your bed. As you focused on the man who was slowly inching towards your bed, you could feel your breath accelerating again. “Don’t, don’t come any closer.” you gasped out. 

“I am not here to hurt you, little one. You helped me and I am here to help you.” the man said in a low voice. As he spoke, you felt a spark within, something calling out to this strange man in your room. A sense of familiarity wrapped around you, soothing you. The man was bare chested, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He slowly stepped forward, his hands raised in front of him in the universal gesture of peace. You pushed yourself further backwards on the bed, trying to get away from the stranger in your bedroom before you noticed his eyes. Specifically, the colour of them, a shade of vibrant gold that brought forward the memories of the evening previously. “You are the wolf, from last night.” you managed to get out.

He nodded slowly, “I am,” he responded. “You need to breathe, little one, you are dangerously close to losing consciousness.”

As he spoke, you became aware of the feeling of lightheadedness, the blackness creeping into the edges of your vision. As you focused on trying to control your breathing, the man came closer, sitting on the edge of your bed and watching you with those piercing golden eyes. “Look at me,” he coaxed, “follow my breathing. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.”

You breathed deeply, trying to copy the rhythm that the man on your bed was setting. Slowly, you got your breathing under control and felt the dizziness fade away. “Thank you,” you breathed. Glancing up at him, you introduced yourself.

“Geralt” was all you got in return. Nodding to yourself, you slowly began to expand your senses out, taking stock of what had happened. Thinking back on your dreams, you shuddered, before pushing the memories away. As you slowly came back to yourself, you also became aware of the sharp scent of copper filling the room. Remembering the events of the night before, you reached for the man’s arm, ignoring the slight recoil that accompanied your actions. Tugging him so that you could see his left side, you gasped when you saw the bandages stained dark with red.

“You are bleeding,” you admonished, “let me see.” You stood from your bed and grabbed your dressing gown, putting your arms through the sleeves as you crossed to the other side of your mattress. As you got closer, you could see that the bandages were saturated and the blood was beginning to run down his side. You pulled him gently off the bed, sliding under his right arm when he stumbled and threatened to fall, taking most of his weight. Quickly, you led him to your work room, pushing the man onto the bed before rushing to the other side to grab your supplies.

You returned to Geralt, using a small dagger to slice the bandages off his torso, peeling them back and blanching at the sight. There were several places where the stitches had ripped out of the skin, and the whole area was puffy, weeping blood and pus. “What did this to you?” you demanded.

“An arachas,” Geralt replied, twitching when you prodded at the topmost claw mark.

“So there is venom in the wound yet,” you murmured to yourself. Your healing knowledge was vast, and the arachas were particularly venomous. “How are you still alive?”

“I am a witcher; their venom does not affect me as it does a normal human.” He groaned as you used your dagger to slice the rest of the stitches and make a small incision, a small bowl in your other hand to catch the pus and blood as you drained it from the wound. Glancing up, you could see Geralt’s locked jaw and pale skin, eyes hooded against the pain.

“A witcher,” you breathed, you had heard of their mutations that defended them in battle, “but the venom is still in your system. What potion do you need?”

When you received no reply, you glanced up from where you were draining the last of the slashes on his chest, seeing his eyes starting to flutter shut, his chest rising and falling with laboured breathing. “Geralt,” you demanded sharply, shaking his arm to gain his attention. Seeing that you had it, you asked again, “The potion, what do you take to counteract the venom?”

“Insectoid oil” he got out through gritted teeth. Frantically, you ran across the room, searching for the potion he had specified. Hearing movement, you glanced behind you to see the witcher attempting to stand from the bed where you had left him, swaying on his feet. Abandoning your search, you rushed back towards him even as his eyes fell shut and he collapsed towards the floor. 

The last thing that he heard before the world went dark was a cry of his name, “Geralt!”

Tag list so I can actually try this out and make sure it works, sorry if you’ve already read it! @riviawitch3r @ayamenimthiriel @uncoolcloudyhead

Some people who I think might be interested: @queenxxxsupreme @dreamwritesimagines @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @witchernonsense @intricate-oeuvre @rhabakoli

[bronanlynch]

the themes of this week’s beam saber game were capitalism and consequences (this recap is long but in my defense we played for a long time and so much happened. new mission new nonsense

“Well you didn’t die which is the first step toward winning”

love to drop some npc backstory that makes everyone yell at me. turns out the amoral aristocrat who gives the party their missions is even more suspicious than we thought, especially since she gave them an off-the-books mission to destroy Sapperson Corporation, the group the squad has a vendetta with, for extremely selfish reasons (one of the reasons is that the vendetta means no one can leave the base and she’s tired of having extra roommates)

during her rebellious teenage phase she did something that was one step down from a coup, and now the intern (her nephew, a spy for the anarchist theater troupe Cirque du Soldat) is trying to warn the party not to trust her

V, played by @girlfriendsofthegalaxy, to said intern, knowing that he’s already a spy, but he doesn’t know that she knows: “Pelican, we’ll make a spy out of you yet”

took a very important tangent to dunk on brutalist architecture

an extremely funny bit where Indigo, played by @duckswithwings, got recognized by an undercover Cirque member because his identical twin is also a Cirque member, and they had a coded conversation about puppies and orbs and Indigo’s twin

a subplot abt unionizing in the workplace

this mission abt fucking shit up for capitalists in an office building was planned weeks ago, it’s just coincidence that we started playing it today, the day when I had to call out from work because I didn’t have enough money in my bank account to park in the parking garage. I’m definitely not using this game for catharsis what are you talking about

Indigo, talking to the known union sympathizers who are helping the party take down their employer: “they don’t even have dental!”  V: “oh my god do I have dental” (gm note: probably not)

V once again signed in her name as Holliday Rue, her rival. this hasn’t had consequences yet so I’m sure it’s fine

V literally running into one of the hot women who wants to radicalize her and doing the “what are you doing here?” “what am I doing here? what are you doing here?” bit

Seaglass Rose, the aforementioned hot woman, being concerned about leaving V and Indigo to escape on their own when the building went into security alert because turns out three different organizations infiltrated the same place on the same day

Seaglass: “are you sure you can get out on your own? [to Indigo] your sibling would be upset if I let anything happen to you, and it would be a shame”

V, gesturing at the small robot she brought to carry her supplies and also weapons: “this bad boy can fit so many guns”

Indigo: “that’s not actually your job, if they want to keep me alive they can do it themself” (gm note: ouch)

the third infiltrating organization is a Theocracy assassin from the same group that the party encountered on the asteroid. y’know. when Indigo impaled someone’s mech and said “Sapperson sends their regards”

said that one of the shitty capitalists was named Chad Yale and everyone YELLED at me which is fair, and even more fair that they kept yelling at me when I said the horrible words “the chad Yale and the virgin Harvard” I’m also sorry

I talked abt how Seaglass was helping people evacuate so that no one gets hurt and Zan immediately goes “Cirque du Solidarity” which is so good that none of us are gonna be able to say anything better than that ever honestly

although V’s one-liner to end the session was pretty fucking good

she got herself trapped in a locked room with a Theocracy assassin, who had just murdered at least two members of the board of directors, pointing a sword at her and said, “oh, are you from the union too?”

[the-opinionated-moose]

Something funny happened today in ethics. We're talking abt justice and "la Déclaration Universelle des Droits de l'Homme" and reading the articles and stuff, and one of the articles has "people shall not face discrimination in regards to wages/will earn the same wages for the same work". Obviously that isn't respected in some areas, but Canada (esp Quebec) is not one of those places.

So, someone, idk if it was my friend or the girl (who we'll call L) who started it, but the "wage gap" was brought up. Then, L started talking about how it wasnt respected here and women made less than men, etc. and my friend argued with her that she was wrong (he always does, they're known for that). Let's note that this is a reoccurring thing with her, and it annoys me everytime. I don't really like to argue with her because she basically just shouts at you until you shut up and then says she's won the debate. Like my friend said: "its easy to argue with someone who knows what they're talking about, but its impossible to win against someone who knows jack shit". So, being a loser that argues on the internet in her free time, i passed him a note with two things on it, while he was talking about the variables to consider when talking about the earnings gap:

Men work the most dangerous jobs, which sometimes pay more (with the statistic on workplace deaths being wayyyy more men than women)

Men tend to negotiate more aggressively when getting a new job or a promotion, while women tend to take what they are first offered

During the debate, the teacher wasn't really doing much (i mean this IS ethics and when they start you can't stop them), but she nodded when he said that men tend to take less vacation days, no paternity leave, less sick days, higher paying jobs (which earned him a "theyre higher paying cause theyre man jobs, which is sexist" from L) and she was pretty much impressed when he mentionned my stat, which he seemed to have pulled out of his ass right then and there.

L kept arguing but at some point the teacher stopped them, and explained the whole thing with masculine jobs that pay more and how it used to be and how it is now and that she gets little tiny "reparations" sometimes (like 1-7$ on a paycheck) for the wage gap that existed when she first started working, basically saying my friend was right.

(Then he fist bumped me cause we're fuckin boomers but thats beside the point)

BUT THIS GIRL KEPT ARGUING. She did not stop. She insisted she was right like 3 times after the teacher said what she said and oml... and trying to justify it with things like "well in [this other country]...." and "well 20 years ago...." like damn woman, just take the L

And i found two other ppl who disagreed with her. So that's always cool (most girls and ppl are feminists here. I mean thats fine it's just lonely lol)

[evangclines-blog1]

what  if  we  ......  pretended  this  was  a  good  intro  .....  aha  just  kidding  .....  unless  ?  i  was  just  gonna  link  to  all  my  stuff  but  ...  ur  girl  wrote  a  lot  and  i  don’t  wanna  be  cruel  and  force  u  all  to  read  everything  JDBWBDJBWJ  so  here we  go  !!   <3

( VENUS, PARK SOOYOUNG, CIS FEMALE, SHE /HER ) guess what, EVANGELINE RHEE has just landed in cannes with their private jet. they are a TWENTY-TWO year old socialite, who spends much of their time & money UPDATING THEIR SKINCARE ROUTINE. i think their family is in the ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY and their net worth is around 10B USD.   

first things first ... i’m gonna drop some links in case u want to read everything i wrote at 6 am the day the submit closed bc im stoopid like that <3 

here u can find her full bio, stats, extended stats, and hcs ! the hcs are definitely the most fun to read so i recommend going to that page hehe

into the summary we go !

BACKSTORY:  suicide mention tw

eva’s dad is a movie producer and her mom was the beautiful woman he met at a train station <3 her parents had a very whirlwind romance, very love at first sight, very passionate and intense type of relationship literally everything you see in hollywood ? they had that ! they got married after only a year of knowing each other and had eva soon after 

thats when things got not-so-picturesque /: after having eva, her mom entered a pretty dark depression. eva’s dad ( who had been aware of his wife’s mental health and even warned by her family against doing anything crazy like getting married and having a whole baby so fast ) was kinda in denial about everything. eva’s mom still had her good days, but the bad days were really bad & when eva was only two years old her mom had an accident & passed away 

so while eva’s dad was grieving, he sent little eva to new york city to go live with her grandma !! eva adored her grandmother more than anyone else. she was a retired jazz singer, and a lot of what they did together was sit around and listen to old records <3 eva lived with her until she was five years old & that’s pretty much the only childhood she can remember since her mom died when she was so young !! 

when her dad brings eva back to france, he’s doing a lot better. he’s back to producing movies and throwing parties and being a part of society again ( things he had stopped while he was grieving for his wife ) and he even found his own form of “medicine” which was simply the company of beautiful women ! most of them were young actresses he met through his work, all of them were gorgeous, and they all adored little eva <3 

eva adored them right back ! they taught her stuff she imagined all mother’s teach their daughters: how to dress well, how to smell nice, how to get people’s attention, what makeup to wear, how to do your hair, how to speak so everyone hangs on to your every word, etc. she was still a little girl but she was absorbing all these lessons like a sponge, & it’s a big part of why she’s so obsessed with her own femininity and why she’s got this mindset about being beautiful inside & out in order to feel balanced. 

none of the women her dad brought home were ever at her house for more than a week. her father, who had been a notorious bachelor before eva’s mother, seemed incapable of falling in love again. that was his first and maybe only lesson to eva, which was how to break hearts, which is something else she absorbed & carried with her as she grew up

as eva grew up, she kinda became obsessed with trying to imagine what her mom had been like. no one in her family liked to talk about her, especially not her dad, but she knew she looked just like her and she was kinda always trying to fill in the blanks. but then one christmas her dad let it slip that her mom’s death hadn’t been an accident at all, that it had been on purpose. that was kind of the turning point for eva & she just kind of....stopped trying to re imagine her mom after that just kinda wanting to let her rest /:

she also went through a phase of doing stuff just because she could. she’d flirt with people’s boyfriends, she’d make strangers fall in love with her, she’d date people just to break up with them suddenly, etc. she kind of realized just how much she could get away with, but more than that, just how far people would go when they fell in love. she was obsessed with that, but also kind of jealous of those people just because she’d never felt that kind of soul shattering love for someone before and she really does want to </3 while she’s never been in love before, and while she does get bored of lovers easily, she still feels a type of attachment that is sometimes so strong she’s not willing to let the other person go even if she’s being selfish by hanging onto people she can’t get serious abt /: thats just life sometimes......whore rights !

FUN FACTS , PERSONALITY, AND TIDBITS: whore antics tw

 goes by eva, never evangeline. her grandma has always called her angel, and so that nickname has also carried over naturally

libra sun AND moon babey ! read abt it here

wears euphoria makeup to do groceries

 moved from paris to new york city for college to attend columbia university. double majored in english literature and business management. 

created what she called the “manhattan group” in reference to the bloomsbury group, which was a group of associated english writers, intellectuals, philosophers and artists in the first half of the 20th century ( that included writers like virginia woolf ) duringher freshman year. although meetings were supposed to be about discussing literature, it mostly became a place to drink warming champagne, flirt, and gossip. eva hosted the events & meetings off campus inside her loft. the manhattan group only lasted her freshman year though, as rumors of all the underage drinking and “cult-like behavior” persuaded her to drop it. that, and the fact that more than one member had fallen in love with her and things were getting quite tense. 

she never carries a lighter because she likes the way more than one person will offer her one if she asks for a light <3 

it’s a famous rumor that eva once spilled her drink on her chanel mini-dress at a charity gala and stripped down to her lingerie in front of everyone. it would have stayed a rumor if it wasn’t for the instagram story that went up of her only her underwear. 

she has a house phone in her nyc loft that only a select few people ( minus the strangers she’s given the number to while drunk ) know the number 

has a three year old black cat named june that she brought with ehr to cannes <3 

is the proud owner of a black maserati despite being an infamous bad driver. no one in their right mind, especially not her friends, would ever trust eva to drive.

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after eva.

once spent a whole day walking around paris in a cheap pink wig and calling herself yvette. nobody could figure out why. eva often pulls stunts like this on a whim.

believes 2 is an unlucky number and is very superstitious about it, as that is the year her mother died. fully believes her twenties are cursed and is actually looking forward to the day she turns 30 just to escape the 2′s.

leonardo dicaprio once made a pass at her during the after party of a movie premiere she was attending.

during full moons, eva always has sex with the windows open. even if it’s winter, a window will be cracked open. this is one of her many personal superstitions. 

has a collection of old love letters, mixtapes, and presents past suitors and secret admirers have gifted her. while she cannot remember the origin of quite a few of the objects in her collection, she is attached to them still.

owns a replica of the famous cross necklace filled with cocaine that kathryn had in cruel intentions.

literally i basically just copied most of my hcs page im a clown i cant do summaries...

ok so personality wise ? shes a flirt. a whore, if u will. yes thats a personality trait now. literally if ur breathing shes flirting doesnt matter who u are doesnt matter if ur married if u have 10 kids doesnt matter like she will flirt....does not know how to open her mouth without flirting 

big on aesthetics /: believes everyone should get manicures like if ur cuticles are showing shes gonna gag . get help <3

not good at being held accountable for her actions. she’s not really the type to be malicious on purpose, but since she really does play with ppls feelings a lot it’s inevitable she’s gonna hurt someone but if u bring it up shes just gonna be like .. me ? at fault ? u must have the wrong girl i’m angel ...

likes 2 play games JSBDWBDJW clearly....matters of the heart are her fave kind but she also likes doing kinda ridiculous stuff for fun just to see how ppl are gonna react, also likes to do stuff just bc she knows she can usually get away with it 

loves skin care like she will be ur dermatologist ( self appointed ) she will gift u a moisturizer she will get everyone to do facemasks with her u cannot escape it ...

has trouble being alone but won’t admit it / doesn’t even really realize it ??? like it is... very rare u will ever find her sleeping alone or spending a whole day in just her own company 

not shy.....at all like JBSJDWBJDW she could use some shame but she has zero unfortunately 

despite being a whore....she is a HUGE romantic like whew she is obsessed with old love songs & is always playing them on her record player she loves to slow dance <3 she often gives ppl her fave poems ( usually poems abt sex ), she loves getting roses, loves kissing ppl on the cheek when she’s wearing lipstick, & she likes to leave ppl voicemails like ... shes really living like she is the main chara of a romance movie and everyone else is extra #5 most of the time... 

idk what else to say im sure shes gonna evolve once we start rping bc that always happens to me but....for now.....this is the end ! *cue feel special by twice*

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S20 (Pt. 4)

Hashirama’s “:O” face at everything is so endearing

Hagoromo is now really the time for a family story there are three children and a sad old man in need

“It was a few thousand years ago” Zetsu just said it was 1,000 years ago how bad are you guys at telling time 

I wonder how Hashirama feels about Madara being his Soulmate™

“I want make sure [the Tailed Beasts] don’t fight amongst each other, and that people don’t use their powers for evil” better 2 have tried and failed I guess 

“That’s because a toad’s dream is destiny” weird flex but ok

“So then, will everything I do now be meaningless?” “Don’t waste your time worrying” Ffgkjhfgkjh damn I didn’t ask for a lecture on fatalism in my Naruto liveblog

Lmao @ this dude revealing his thievery scheme after talking to Hagoromo for 0.5 seconds what makes him think everyone will be on board with it 

“I only want you to go away as soon as possible” ah looks like Hagoromo made a friend lmao 

“If we make it too sturdy, you’ll break your bones when you try to destroy it” they actually did a really good job of making Hagoromo charming like consider me charmed I wanna hear abt ur ninja way

Hahahah I admire Futami for not bringing up the horns for the entire length of time it took them to build the bridge 

Futami: Hagoromo-sensei gave me a high-five one time and it touched my heart so I formed a cult around him

Wait if Hagoromo only gave 8 disciples chakra are the nine of them together responsible for fathering all the shinobi world what kind of Gengis Khan fuckery

Minus the Hyuga, who, for some reason are moon aliens, I guess

“Throughout this long history men appeared, one after another, with the desire to use the tailed beasts for their own evil purposes. And that turned the tailed beasts against mankind. Anyway, back to my story.” Hahahaha did Hagoromo just go “(A/N: Fuck Obito and Madara lol)”

Unbelievable you’re telling me there was someone who wanted to get with this old man with horns and three eyes who leads a cult and you won’t show me WHO where is the justice 

OH HEY FUTAMI HELPING RAISE THE KIDS I GUESS? WILD

Mmmm I love Ashura already 1000/10 endearing impulsive baby

Some filler storyboard artist who I respect beyond reason: But what if... we added.... a dog

“It might even be bigger than yours” please don’t tell me they fished Zetsu out of the river

"I didn’t realize you thought so deeply about [chakra being used as a weapon]” “Yeah, well” “But then again, what will be, will be” what kind of parenting is this Hagoromo kjhgkjhgkjhg

Indra, 10 years old: I am concerned about the ethical impact of my innovation

Hagoromo: YOLO, son ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“I’ll be watching you” Is that the voice of......... Pubescent Zetsu 

LMAO IT IS

These kids are really emotionally unprepared for the boar considering they were following boar tracks into the woods 

ARE YOU SHITTING ME THEY EVEN USED THE SAME FILLER DOG NAME LMAO WHO IS WRITING THIS 

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY KILLED THE DOG I’M SO MAD

Wow @ them having Indra invent chidori instead hkjhgkhg poor Kakashi

Indra awoke his sharingan over losing his dog I cannot believe this how are dogs the central plot device of multiple arcs

“Whatever is in this village belongs to everyone - that’s the law” wow along with fatalism this arc is also teaching us about the practical failings of communism 

“The law is still the law” where’s the post that says Sasuke is ethnically a cop. Because that’s this arc

Not 2 be that gal again but Indra’s voice is also nice on the ears he has inherited his grandmother’s kekkei genkai of having an attractive voice and a terrible moral compass

...............kekkei grandma 

“Looking into his eyes reminds me of my mother’s eyes” I was kind of joking about the kekkei grandma thing but fair

“At that moment I felt that I understood for the first time why heaven had blessed me with two sons” have you ever considered your eldest son is mean in part because you make comments like this 

“What will the two of you do when you are out in the world alone” wow Hagoromo is giving his kids some kind of High-Stakes Bell Test 

Hahaha I like Taizo I hope they don’t do anything to him but they probably will because he’s had so much screen time

HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS SQUAD it’s the first ninja team and the boy is the healer!!!

Ashura: OH NO I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO GENJUTSU

Kanna and Taizo: WE GOT U BUDDY WE GOT BATS

I thought I was going bananas for a sec but the intro did change lol 

Poor Tenzo I think he’s been officially discarded from OPs RIP

Side note: Having a Naruto blog has made me so wary of Kakashi and Sakura standing next to each other I don’t trust the ppl on this website to be normal for a second RIP x2

“They’ll suffer, sure, but everyone dies eventually” okay calm down Taizo

“It doesn’t matter whether it’s possible or not, because I’ve decided to do it” I admire Ashura’s blind optimism lmao

Not to poke too many holes but why would the water in the well not be affected by the Divine Tree

I take my comment about healing back ludicrously all the men get to display chakra natures and the women can only display glowing yin chakra hands booooo

Omg there is a Tenzo after all in an ED at least!! This is the first time I’ve seen all three members of the Naruto’s Dad Association in one place!!! Bless up

A shot of them standing all together!!!! My heart!!!!!!!!

SASUKE AND NARUTO’S GRINS AT EACH OTHER I WEEEP

[Hagoromo as Kakashi voice]: TEAMWORK!!

I was very much expecting Indra to go crazy and kill those two guys but wow that was a scene

“Enough to make you fall in love with him and follow him all the way here” At least Ashura gets like a real wife instead of Hagoromo’s ‘ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she dead’

Hagoromo: Indra’s a dick because his eyes are red trust me it has nothing to do with my parenting I’m a chakra scientist

“Indra, just what is the meaning of this” it’s a temper tantrum lmao

Was it really necessary to kill both of those guys Indra one best friend death usually suffices for mangekyo my dude

Minato joining Kakashi in the club of Boyz Who Jutsu Was Plagiarized

Hagoromo really has absolutely zero hesitation to attack his son and you wonder why Indra has a complex

“THIS IS THE POWER OF OUR BOOOOOND” he said, as he punched his brother in the face with a thousand wooden hands (mood)

Indra’s Lightning Teleportation Jutsu is really doing The Most the Raikage is not nearly this dramatic about it 

Can you... just.... declare that your soul will be reincarnated? Is that how that works? 

Also. Who slept with Indra?! U made him out to be like. Very Not Okay. But he’s the forefather of the Uchiha?? WHERE ARE THESE CHILDREN COMING FROM TELL ME WHO IS BANGING THIS OUT OF CONTROL FAMILY

Hahahahaha I’M SO READY FOR THIS RIDICULOUS TEAM 7 TRYING TO UNMASK KAKASHI EPISODE BRING IT THE FUCK ON

I knew the Sukea voice would be different but omg I’m still thrown

“S-kay-a” is really not how I thought that would be pronounced wow 

“If I’m able to capture this Kakashi guy without a mask on, it’ll be the biggest scoop since the Leaf was established” a little arrogant Kakashi but okay kjhgkjhgkjhgjhg

This is such an adorable and weird bonding exercise of Kakashi teaching his kids how to break into Konoha’s archives I’M WHEEZING

I would pay money to see Kakashi explain what he was doing to all those dudes in ANBU who probably thought he was intimidating as all fuck catching him a wig with three twelve-year-olds breaking into his own file

“Who cares what I look like anyway!” THIS IS SO DUMB I LOOOOVE IT

“I think that a woman might’ve drowned right over there on the river bank” HINATA!!!!! UR TOO NICE TO BE ENLISTED INTO THIS SCHEMING HAHAHA

Oh I remember seeing reference to this scene booooo do they really have to make it weird all the time

This concept is even MORE ridiculous in the show bc it expands beyond Team 7 to all the other Konoha rookies like Kakashi how much do u enjoy teasing the children that this is how you’re spending your day

HAHAHAH Kakashi is lucky that the person who knows him best has face blindness and can’t call him out for his schemes 

Okay not to betray my own brand but ᵏᵏᵍᵃᶦ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ

They really designed a nicer apartment for Kakashi just so they could animate his silhouette in the shower STUDIO PIERROT PLEASE

Fhkjhkjfhkjhkf that last scene made me so uncomfortable I don’t really like seeing Kakashi’s mouth while he talks it’s weird

You know I spent a lot of this interlude chanting main arc main arc in my head but alas now that we have arrived I’ve remembered that the war arc climax is a mess

“If my chakra runs out, I’m done” seriously Obito.......... how are you here

Can you imagine if Naruto actually died.... what would that even mean for this series I can’t imagine 

“I already marked this space, so I can hide out in my time-space” I want to know how Obito “marks a space” is it like a jutsu or does he just have to nod at it and go “my space now”

 I would also pay money to see what Obito and Sakura talked about when they had to hang out in Kamui for a solid two minutes lmao 

“So you’re friends with sensei huh?” “Yeah it’s complicated but I think we’re cool now” “Yeah, same with us and Sasuke” “Sorry about that” “I don’t forgive you but thanks”

“You alright?” define ‘alright’ but also Obito’s never been alright a day in his life, Sakura 

Uh oh foreshadowing to the heavy gravity space where Obito d*es

Okay maybe this is the part of me that is still clings to their Part I friendship but Sasuke helping Sakura stand really brings out my inner soft bitch

 “It would’ve been helpful if we could’ve received this advice a bit earlier” Tobirama’s bitter about sitting through five episodes of filler

Tobirama: Why haven’t u been helping this whole time

Hagoromo: It all comes down to Madara’s magic pelvis—

“This man lent me his power and that’s why we were able to get here” does Sakura not know Obito’s name either khgkjhgjkgh

How many times will we watch these same two flashbacks of Obito’s life

Looks like Kakashi brought a knife to a taijutsu fight LMAO

God Rin is such a good friend to Obito and he repays her by literally defacing her grave 

“Am I powerless to do anything but sit here and watch” it’s not really your fault you can’t fly Kakashi tho u could try throwing some kunai or smth ur not a one sharingan pony

Ddkjhsdkjhd why does Obito get a line worrying about Naruto’s death but Kakashi doesn’t he’s spent the past two days trying to kill Naruto

I’m still emo abt Kakashi trying to die for Sasuke that’s his soooon

“Rin... this time, let’s spend some alone time together, just you and me” Why phrase it like that, Obito

"Why save someone useless like me” Kakashi get some therapy

“A fool full of only mistakes” it’s hard to disagree with Zetsu when they’re flashing back to every mistake Obito has ever made

Where’s the graphics set where Obito goes ‘admittedly I lost my cool here’ because that’s what that flashback was 

Update: found it

“Don’t cry, Obito, you’ll just get laughed at” this fantasy is an indication that Obito has no real comprehension of how fucked up Kakashi was by Rin’s death

Can you believe that Rin still dies in Obito’s jonin AU like....what. It’s not even like “AU of what I want” it’s like “AU where I learn how to cope with trauma” 

Also was this just an out for not designing an adult Rin bc he’s been thinking about Rin endlessly for like three episodes straight so..... what up with that

It’s still so fucking funny that Iruka’s in Obito’s jonin fantasy like when did they meet did he just absorb secondhand Iruka appreciation from Naruto 

“But, if you screw up, I won’t hesitate to step up as a candidate for Hokage myself” yesssssssss let Kakashi be the playful menace he truly aspires to be

Gjghjkhgjhg Obito’s “euuuuuuuuehhhh” when the paperwork dropped was funny

Sasuke’s face when Sakura punched Naruto was also v funny 

Honestly to be real for a second Obito imagining himself as buddies with Team 7 makes me mad u’ve done nothing but make these kids’ life TERRIBLE until today babysitting license REVOKED!!!!!!

Am I a hypocrite for enjoying AUs ft. Obito? Mayhaps!!!

“You told me that saving you was pretty much the same as saving the whole world, remember?” (Well.)

“I’d say, you did your best” You know that post that said it makes sense that Rin said this bc she’s a Scorpio. I’m still upset about it

You know... Naruto’s “the coolest guy” (“nothing but awesome”) comment about Obito is a direct parallel to “Bravest man I ever knew” in HP and that’s why, if I were to meet either adult man, I would dropkick both of them. In this essay I will—

“It’s kind of annoying seeing [Kakashi] all stiff and useless” u right Obito

Kishimoto pick up the phone I just want to talk about that rabbit bijuu design 

“A Susano’o? But whose?” DAD’S HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRE

Kakashi with Six Paths Power REALLY feeds into my theory that Kakashi is Hagoromo’s transmigrant 

THAT’S MY TEAM READY TO SAVE THE WORLD TOGETHER!!!!!

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 KAKASHI GETS HER VULNERABLE AND THEN THE BOYS ATTACK WHILE KAKASHI GUARDS THEIR BACKS AND SAKURA FORCES HER INTO PLACE THIS IS WHOLEASS TEAMWORK

“I really love you guys” YEAH HE DOES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Okay arc over haha right guys we’re good now RIGHT GUYS??

In part, Kakashi jumping around to save his students feels very much reminiscent of Part I’s “MY SENSEI SENSES ARE TINGLING” swoop and scoop that he and Gai loved to do

Lmao @ Kaguya spitting Madara out like he’s a bad-tasting vegetable

Coming up with an OP specifically for VOTE2 is so extra but I kind of love it the Diver parallels!!!!

Sasuke is SUCH a liar abt his attitude towards Team 7 - more specifically towards Sakura and Kakashi bc he has already granted that he cares for Naruto

Sasuke: Comrades? I don’t know her

Also Sasuke: Constantly urging Sakura and Kakashi to get to safety and actively intervening when they’re not

“Honestly at this point I don’t think anything could shock me anymore” Sakura really needs a hug and a nap

“I shall be sure to ask Obito tell me that tale in the afterworld” the real question is if Obito will still look 12 when he takes Hagoromo on the harrowing journey that is his life

Kakashi truly has endless love in his stupid ass heart Obito’s like, “Hmmm... whoops sorry 4 committing mass murder” and Kakashi’s like “Hehe, we all mess up sometimes :) See u in heaven”

Madara and Hashirama really did invent being in gay love huh

WOW I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO TEAR UP BUT KJHFKJHFKJH MY BABY BOY SAYING GOODBYE TO HIS DAD HE IS THE WORLD’S BIGGEST SWEETHEART

“You’ve now finally settled things with Madara” Tobirama has been waiting for like a hundred years for his brother to get over his ex

Hagoromo: Naruto’s your new conference room congrats kids 

Mmmmm I don’t like aaaaannnnnny of this

“You’re suggesting that I enjoy a roooOoomance” why say it like that Sasuke

I genuinely think this is the maddest that Kakashi’s ever been at Sasuke that boy is very, very grounded

“I, too, had two children at one time” OMG KAKASHI OFFICIALLY DESIGNATED TEAM 7 DAD BY HAGOROMO (ur miscounting tho Kakashi actually has four (4) children)

“I think I shall let Naruto handle this” said Hagoromo, and everyone who encountered any problem in this series ever

I’m very distracted from Sasuke’s dictatorship speech by the fact he looks so much like an alien. What is UP with his eyes they never look like this???? Why are they so far apart and narrow and angled

“Your blood will be the last that I shed” what r u just gonna keep genjutsuing ppl Sasuke? Could just keep the Tsukuyomi on then, homie

It also plays into the Hagoromo and Kakashi are related (spiritually or literally) that Hagoromo is equally as useless with advice to him lmao

Kakashi: What should I be doing, sir?

Hagoromo: Sometimes I like to pray :) 

Fjkkjgkjhgkjhk Sasuke claiming that Naruto is his only bond never ceases to amaze me like Sakura and Kakashi are RIGHT THERE ghkjhgkjhgkj u have been protecting them this whole time while they shout how much they care abt u. Just admit u have a crush on Naruto and go!!!

“I know your heart well by now. And you mine” Sasuke u unintentionally romantic dumbass

“Finally decided to kill me, huh,” said a thrilled Sasuke, taking a lesson from the Kakashi School of Very Much Needing Ninja Therapy

This entire fight is the Life or Death equivalent of this tweet:

Lmao one of these boys lost a tooth I want to know which of them has a dental implant 

Omg............... Iruka what is going ON.... u are suddenly v pale and also I think ur VA might be different could they not get the same Iruka or has he just forgotten how Iruka sounds

It was real unclear until this fight that Sasuke had any of the same powers as Nagato

“Now I can finally be alone... farewell, my one and only... friend” again... Sasuke... u can be in love with Naruto and still have other friends!!!!!!! Ask Naruto he has tons of friends he’s not in love with*

*Disclaimer: they are all in love with him

The idea that everyone Naruto’s ever cared about is spiritually trying to help him kick Sasuke’s ass is p funny

“Sakura and Kakashi are still there, they’ll figure something out” cute that you have such an assload of faith in your loved ones in ur life-flashing-before-you moment Sasuke but with what jutsu lmao

“I began to see a shadow of my own family in Squad 7″ YEAH HE DID  😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I still can’t believe that Kishimoto really wrote that all it took for Sasuke to return to Konoha was Naruto explaining to him how love and empathy work 

Omg Sasuke laughing...... I missed your laugh you precious boy

“Release the infinite Tsukuyomi once I’m dead by transplanting my left eye into Kakashi or someone else” Fhjfhkfh it detracts a little from the significance of Sasuke offering his eye to Kakashi to add the “someone else” but I guess they gotta make the syllables match up

Why is every Uchiha’s long-term plan just to die before they have to deal with the consequences of their actions

“I’m sorry” “Sorry? For what” “For everything” “You got that right” Sasuke I think u need to treat all of ur teammates to ramen 

“It’s finally back to the way it was” Kakashi loooves his baaabies 

TENZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Omg they included Guren from the filler arc in this crowd hahahaha

Gaara and Naruto enveloped in that same beam of light like Kakashi and Tenzo in the Tsukuyomi kghjghkgh SP said gentle gay rights

“I’m forbidden to talk about it” Team 7 would RIOT if Sasuke was locked up in a cell like that fuck you

Hahahaha I wish I could see the scene where Kakashi and Iruka decided to ambush Naruto with study materials 

Okay this is definitely a different Iruka ahhhhh weird I don’t like it

Iruka bursting into tears whenever Naruto talks about his progress.... same

I 100% believe that the vast majority of the reason Kakashi became Hokage was to pardon Sasuke but also that prison scene still seems appalling to me STOP MAKING THINGS WORSE THAN THEY WERE SHOWN TO BE

"Maybe next time” is super funny in the context that he does take her on his next mission outside the village and comes back with one (1) whole baby

Sasuke’s introspection usually seems to amount to “Birth is a curse and existence is a prison... oh hey Naruto <3″ 

The moral of the story seems to be that the best way to show someone you love them in ninja language is by telling them you want to keep punching them for the rest of your life

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering 

[baeddel]

There’s a Neverwinter Nighs module called uh... friggin... ‘Tales of Arterra - the Lost’ (awful title, I have to look it up every time) and it has this really really really interesting sidequest where - spoilers (and cw: sex trafficking, rape, abuse) - this brothel is keeping a succubus as a sex slave, yknow... and charging really lavish fees for people to see her, yknow.

You, of course, get to rescue her, and she becomes a party member. The whole story is very like, a straight up rescuing a trafficked sex worker narrative, yknow, it is what it is. The two female party members are very much idealized sexual partners & theres a level of adolescent fantasy to like, everyone abuses this girl but you’re nice to her and she fucks you, right... The teenage guys that make these modules dont know how to hide their fantasies about women behind the pretense of art and characterization yet :P but its somewhat endearing.

Anyway, there are a few things that are interesting about the story:

1. Succubus, in the setting, are always kept as slaves, although typically in whatever plane of hell shes from and not earth. She tells you about the different men who have owned her over the hundreds of years she’s been alive if you ask her about them. In each case the abuse her, tremendously, obviously. One is interesting because it convincingly depicts a ‘cycle of abuse’ - she talks abt how the guy sleeps with her and then get angry with her, blaming her for tempting him and so on, and beating her, and then he’ll go away and later come back and apologize, say he doesnt know what came over him, how awful he was etc., slee with her, get angry... yknow. Its done quite well. She doesn’t see this as domestic abuse because she has like a very blinkered subjectivity due to being brought up like this. Its actually done very well.

Anyway, here’s the idea: all the men who own her go through this kind of thing, where they sleep with her and then abuse her and it causes them problems in their life, and then they get rid of her, blaming her for the problems that they, themselves, caused. It’s never made explicit that this is what its doing, but its clear that this is the explanation for the succubus legend where she’s a nefarious creature who seduces men and causes them ill fate. It’s actually men projecting their own abuse onto her, narrativizing their encounters... It’s so, so, so fucking good, this is suuuuuuch a close reading of patriarchy and I’m really surprised it came out of some teenage dude’s nwn module and not, like, a bit of lesbian fiction.

2. On your first encounter with her, you’re allowed to go in and see her, for a fee, by the brothel owner. Just to look. There are a bunch of men standing in there looking at her. She’s very much an exhibit. You can go and talk to her and ask her about herself and so on. The entire scene recalls - so explicitly I’d think it was a reference if it wasn’t a nwn module - Emily Short’s Galatea. They’re very similar conceptually; Galatea talks to you abt her sculptor and also only understands herself as a posession. Galatea talks about travelling museum to museum in a crate, while the succubus talks to you about travelling from plane of hell to plane of hell in a cage. The two situations almost in all ways identical.

Galatea is obviously the more mature work: while the sucucbus story panders to male rescued woman/rescued sex worker ambitions, with her constantly going ‘wow you care about my feelings and not just my body O.O’, Galatea continually challenges and undermines this reading. (If you say “I’m sorry” to Galatea, the narrator will interject: “There’s no need. If she gets testy, you can always reset her...”) (I feel obliged to mention the best example of engaging with this projection, which is a line from the doll in bloodborne: “Of course I love you. Isn’t that how you’ve made me?”)

3. The guy who’s keeping her as a sex slave in his brothel is obviously the worst kind of monster you could possibly imagine. You could really not make a more tremendously evil villain if you tried - what worse crime could be comitted? Apart from, like, genocide? Despite this, the game is very uncomfortable actually depicting him as a villain of such magnitude, and is always walking back. Not as in its making him seem like a good guy, it doesn’t at all - but it makes him into such a ridiculous, cartoon villain that its impossible to take him seriously. He’s characterized like Dan Backslide, capturing Dora Standpipe (to do what with is never mentioned in that short, of course). You even get a line from his cousin making very clear that he’s never actually slept with the succubus himself - because “it’d be too obvious” (to his wife) - which is completely implausible. The story is willing to introduce a sex slave, but isn’t comfortable letting any of the bad guys rape her. It deals with its discomfort by becoming completely one-dimensional and willfully implausible. It’s a really interesting little anxiety to see play out.

[annabellecane]

iamtheonethinginlifeicancontrol replied to your post “iamtheonethinginlifeicancontrol replied to your post ...”

cutting honore out would be a++++ lbr. I do like 'I remember it well' bc how often do u see two old people having fond reminiscence over their decades-ago affair???? and hermione gingold always sells me on everything she acts tbh. but, yeah, fair. the 'I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore' song is an extreme earworm, so maybe you're not missing out? I rlly do love all of the music, incl the scoring (of course I have it memorised unintentionally). 

 YES!!!!!!! the end bit w/ gaston is shot SO strangely. you don't even get to see his expression???? and I HATE that he literally just drags gigi out of maxim's and up the stairs while she is lITERALLY BEGGING HIM to tell her what she's 'done wrong'!!!!! GASTON YOU FEELINGS-BOTTLING TWAT. I mean, obv he's like...... the least emotionally mature ever, but I always like to think that he Got Better at that, esp after marrying gigi. plus, it's obvious that she makes him less bored w/..... everything, and that alone makes him a better person, but I like how they play off of one another a lot???? and if she wants to marry a friend who makes her happy and whom she knows rlly well and who is kind of terrible at communicating Deeper Feelings, well, at least we know that they end up happy in their marriage. but back to gaston being a twat!!!  I just....... I understand that the film was made at A Different Time with Different Ideals of Masculinity... ish, but it rlly aggravates me bc the only real reason why gaston doesn't have an actual conversation abt it is bc the filmmakers were pressed for time and were like, 'eh, let's shoot this and come back to it', and They Didn't. so it becomes even more normalised in the narrative??? which I hate!

Also, yes!!!!!!!! Colette was a massively creepy author (some of her other books are worse than gigi........) whose personal life.... clearly reflected that. y i k e s

I did like that scene, too. It was sweet and brought a lot of depth to both their characters. I thought they were going to go further with that but I’m kind of glad they didn’t, it held up well on its own. And lol about Glad I’m Not Young, I was honestly fuming at this stage by how Gigi was getting treated and we were back with Honore and I was like “if this dude starts singing again I’m going to lose it-” AND THEN HE STARTED SINGING! So I was just d o n e

It is SO BIZARRE like every other time we get Gaston being Bad At Feelings we see him talk it out, either with himself or someone else, but THIS TIME he just. Doesn’t?? Maybe you could call it character growth that he can figure it out on his own but that’s...stretching, to say the least. Like, not even any voiceover? Subtitles of his thoughts?? Interpretive dance??? YOU’VE TAKEN US THROUGH THIS STORY WHY DO YOU JUST STOP NOW?? Like, how amazing would it have been if FINALLY he talked to Gigi about the problems he’s having and she doesn’t just agree and/or celebrate him achieving Perceived Milestones but engages with him and helps him figure out what he really wants. (I actually do think they work well together, they both seem to genuinely like one another and want to spend time together and finally we can have someone call out Gaston and Honore on their shitty views of women.)

And yeeeeaaaaahhhh I hate to be a Judgey McJudgerson on a woman living in a time where women were in this stranglehold to be A Specific Way but, uh. Colette, girl. Maybe. Maybe don’t do those things. Colette, leave the young men alone. 

[artemisrae]

HTTYD - Those Who Know the Storm

Title: Those Who Know the Storm

Rating: T

Fandom: HTTYD

Characters: Hiccup/Astrid

Word Count: 14,275

Summary: A raid on Berk results in the riders having to recover their most valuable resources.... including Astrid.

Note: lol i started this fic in 2014 and just recently went back to it, discovered it was mostly done, and polished it up. My beta didn’t really get an indepth read, so you’re relying on my own proofreading skills soooooo sry abt tht.

Since this is three years old, it does not keep in line with RTE. It’s meant to take place between the two movies and includes a buttload of my personal headcanons.

AO3 Mirror

They sicken of the calm, who know the storm (Dorothy Parker)

It was during a gray, blustery afternoon that Astrid and Hiccup skipped their normal lunchtime flight and elected to eat in the hall. The dark, angry clouds told them rain was coming, and even if they didn’t trust the skies the throb where Hiccup’s leg met his prosthetic had never lied.

They ambled slowly, hand in hand – a romantic gesture at first, and then a little less so as the ache in his leg graduated into a full blown limp and it became clear that they weren’t simply a pair of young lovers but a girl trying to help her boyfriend up the hill. While Astrid never thought any less of him and his old injury (and certainly pushed him just as hard in training as ever before) he couldn’t deny that there were times that it slowed him down.

Behind Hiccup, Toothless plodded along gracelessly, looking put out at the poor weather. They’d done their share of flying in the rain, but the afternoon foretold thunder, and while Hiccup was infamous for courting trouble, not even he tested the gods by flying in a lightning storm with a metal leg.

If he could help it.

“Here, here,” Astrid urged, letting go of Hiccup to pull open the large heavy door to the hall. Despite tossing her head, sodden bangs hung stubbornly in her eyes. The wind pushed back, and she steadied herself against the door to hold it open so Hiccup and Toothless could slip past her. As soon as Toothless’ tail cleared the threshold she let it slam shut and wrung out her braid impatiently.

No one minded the puddle on the floor – the hall was packed, and far worse lay below. Vikings had never been the cleanest eaters. Even though it was the middle of the afternoon there were several bright and cheery fires warming the room, and like a shot Toothless took off for the furthest one, where a brace of Terrible Terrors was flocked.

Hiccup followed suit, intending to clear space near a fire to put some heat back into his bones, but he was distracted when he realized that Astrid wasn’t following him.

For a moment he could only blink at her retreating figure – she was walking away from the fire, she knew he wasn’t feeling well what was she – Oh.

And then he saw where she was headed.

Back in the coldest, emptiest corner, where no one ever sat, Snotlout and Tuffnut were sitting close together, heads bumping as they whispered to one another and scribbling on a piece of parchment.

That explained Astrid’s interest. Snotlout and Tuffnut individually could come up with some truly stupid ideas. Together, they set new standards for idiocy. Together, and acting secretive about it?

Nothing good could come of it.

This was exactly why he was in no hurry to inherit chiefdom from his father. With a sigh he followed, knowing he didn’t have much of a choice. Astrid’s shoulders were squared, and ready for battle, and hastily Hiccup tried to rearrange himself to match.

As they approached Hiccup got a clear view of their project. They were working on a map – not one of Hiccup’s maps, which focused on dragons, but one that Hiccup suspected they’d gotten from trade. Snotlout was also scribbling notes on a piece of parchment.

Astrid leaned over Snotlout’s shoulder and slid the sheet away with a quick jerk of her wrist. “What is this?”

“Hey!” he reflexively tried to grab the parchment back, but only succeeded in catching the corner; it tore noisily and Hiccup winced. Sometimes he really doubted his ability to lead as chief – his initial thought had been to protest that parchment was expensive, and shouldn’t be wasted. He was grateful for Astrid’s presence – at least she thought to ask about what was actually going on. “Do you mind? We’re trying to make plans here?”

“Plans?” Astrid asked, perplexed. “Where are you going?”

“Trader Johann told us that there were men travelling through the archipelago finding wives, and me and Tuffnut decided we needed a backup plan.”

All the air left Hiccups lungs. Astrid smacked herself in the forehead. They made eye contact, having a silent conversation while Tuffnut punched Snotlout in the shoulder. “You need a backup plan, because Ruffnut is never going to get with you because you’re not even her backup plan. And I have no plan, period, since Astrid and Hiccup are a thing.”

“Hey I had dibs on Astrid way before Hiccup,” Snotlout immediately protested, ignoring Tuffnut’s assertions about Ruffnut. “Me and her had a great thing going on before Hiccup swooped in.”

“Well that’s just not true,” Astrid stated plainly, overridden by Hiccup’s high pitched, “What do you mean I swooped in?”

“With Toothless during dragon training!” Snotlout insisted. “I was even winning dragon training to impress Astrid!”

“I was winning dragon training before Hiccup.” Astrid interjected, her eyes hard.

“I was letting Astrid win dragon training to impress her!” Snotlout continued without missing a beat.

Hiccup looked at Astrid, helpless. All he wanted was a drink and a fire and the ability to explain to Snotlout everything that was wrong with what he’d just said. Behind him, vikings continued merrily with their meals, chattering loudly and huddled together, warm. Hiccup was deeply envious of them.

Astrid sat down and smoothed out the map in front of her. “First of all –” She cut herself off and glanced at Hiccup, raising an eyebrow, and with a heavy sigh, he climbed over the seat and sat down across from them.

Once she was convinced Hiccup wasn’t going to find some convenient excuse to slip away, she nodded at him curtly and picked up again. “First of all, Snotlout, we were never a thing, and that’s not even the most completely wrong thing you’ve said since this conversation has started.”

“Trader Johan wasn’t just telling you about these men, he was warning you,” Hiccup pulled the map across the table, sliding his finger along the known route of the barbarians currently crossing the archipelago. They were at a crossroads, and Hiccup hoped fervently that they turned south. If they kept east they were only two days journey from Berk. “He was warning all of us, actually. They’re not hunting for brides, they’re looting villages for all their valuables, including women. To sell.”

Snotlout and Tuffnut blinked.

“They’re pirates.” Astrid filled in.

“That doesn’t mean it’s...” Snotlout trailed off, quailing at the stern looks Hiccup and Astrid were giving him. Tuffnut sat back in his seat and looked disappointed.

“Pirates.” Astrid repeated bluntly.

“They usually haven’t made the best choices in life,” Hiccup explained gently, the sarcastic edge that he just couldn’t shake creeping into his tone. “Maybe not the best group to be getting ideas from.”

Astrid picked up the scolding after that; Hiccup cringed as he remembered his father cornering him after entertaining Johann for dinner – despite the fact that Hiccup had made several transparent excuses to leave, he’d insisted on asking Hiccup his opinions about how to utilize the dragons for defense and who to send out for scouting.

It was an unwelcome change in their relationship. Within the last year he had started to make hints about retiring, had started to force Hiccup to be more involved in the planning and development of the village, and not just in the way that Hiccup preferred, by providing ideas and inventions.

Hiccup had always done his best, felt most comfortable, by being able to work on his own and then presenting perfected ideas. Being brought out into the public governing of the village rubbed him the wrong way and made him feel defensive.

And that wasn’t even touching the not quite thinly veiled hints that he should maybe arrange a meeting with Astrid’s father.

He tuned back in at the end of Astrid’s lecture; it ended with: “And that’s not even mentioning the fact that any woman who finds herself trapped on a ship with the two of you would throw herself overboard!”

Snotlout and Tuffnut sat, looking slightly shocked at the ferocity of Astrid’s admonishment. Hiccup repressed a tiny smile. Sometimes he suspected she’d make a better chief than he would, though she’d never been anything but completely supportive of him.

Silence reigned for a grand total of ten seconds as Astrid scowled.

Finally, Tuffnut spoke up. He pointed to an abandoned plate next to Hiccup’s elbow. Whatever had been on it was half eaten and discarded, but hadn’t been cleaned up yet. “Are you going to eat that?”

***

Once they finished eating and Astrid’s fingers were no longer tingling with cold, she walked Hiccup over to the forge. Gobber had waved him over and mentioned a few things that needed to be done, and Hiccup had a few projects he wanted to work on overnight anyway.

The rain hadn’t abated, and the wind was fierce and pushed them along the path as they tried to pick around the spots that had disintegrated into sludgy mud and slick cobblestones. Hiccup was distant, already thinking ahead to the work he had to do, and thus Astrid led the way with Toothless bringing up the rear.

At first she didn’t hear Hiccup’s voice through the murmuring of the rain. Well, she did, but she assumed he was talking to himself, because that was what he did when he was working out a problem in his head. Then, he asked more clearly, “Does it bother you?”

“Does what bother me?” she called over her shoulder, not actually looking as she hopped over another puddle.

“Snotlout and Tuffnut are thinking about getting married. Snotlout and Tuffnut have thought about marrying you.”

She shrugged, the low orange light of the forge coming into view. Surging forward, she wondered if she should even bother drying off before she went home to her own chores. “I thought about marrying them too.”

When he didn’t respond she chanced a look back at his face, which looked surprised for about five seconds before he missed the edge of a puddle and slipped. Toothless got to him before she could reach, and then they were breathlessly rushing into the forge.

The Night Fury breathed life back into the smoldering embers in the middle of the room. Astrid shivered as heat washed over her skin and stepped closer to the fire. Hiccup brushed past her to get into the little room where he kept his journals and blueprints, picking up a towel and rubbing it over his head.

“It’s weird to imagine you marrying Tuffnut,” he said conversationally.

Astrid’s eyebrows rose involuntarily. She had thought that he’d either forgotten or moved on. “I mean, I didn’t think about it for very long. I also thought about marrying Snotlout. And Fishlegs. And you. Mostly you,” she admitted.

His face brightened, and Astrid felt a stab of guilt. Her father had told her since she was young that she could choose whoever she made a contract with, but had also warned her that it would be nearly impossible to turn down Stoick the Vast. When she was young Astrid had lived in fear of being forced to marry Hiccup, then had daydreamed somewhat ambitiously of the power she could wield through him.

Now the years had passed and the revolution of Dragon Peace hadn’t just shifted the way their society ran – it shifted how Astrid thought, especially about Hiccup. Now she was daydreaming about marrying Hiccup, and wanted desperately for her father to cooperate.

It wasn’t that Axehaft Hofferson no longer approved – it was that he was tired. Astrid’d had two older brothers once. One had died shortly after his wedding, the other, shortly after a contract with a local girl had been decided but before the marriage itself. She had only fuzzy memories of Mattock – she’d only been five when he died – but Geir had been six years older than herself, and she remembered him as a sometimes playmate, sometimes tormentor, and the first person to hand her an axe.

Astrid was eleven when he’d died, and the resulting grief had been poison to her family.

Astrid herself had become quiet, withdrawing from her peers and focusing her efforts on axe throwing and looking forward to dragon training. Her parents, never passionate lovers but good friends who had bonded on the battlefield, rarely spoke now. Her mother had stopped her father from drinking himself to death and as a result he had faded away, never showing ill-will towards Astrid but not showing much interest in her either. The Great Peace with dragons had been hard for them – they never attended the dragon races, and neither had bonded with any particular beast, though they consented to let them haul wood or help with fishing and scouting as had become commonplace in Berk. Both were still tense around Stormfly, which made her sometimes neurotic dragon anxious and jittery - which made her parents that much more nervous, creating a vicious cycle that was difficult for Astrid to mediate.

The result was that now, as an unmarried adult, Astrid had much more freedom than many of her peers, and she and Hiccup had gotten away with things that others certainly hadn’t. Hiccup had much of the same freedom, with Stoick busy as chief, and Astrid knew the two of them had raised eyebrows in the village more than once.

Astrid shivered again, and this time it had nothing to do with the damp, chilly air. She remembered the scouting trip two weeks ago, when they’d flown south to work on Hiccup’s atlas. Hiccup’d had high hopes of discovering Night Furies to the south, and while the trip had been in vain, They’d spent two nights cozied up in a cave while Toothless and Stormfly tried to bury themselves in the sand and frolicked in the ocean, and on the second night Astrid had carefully counted back the days and they had –

Well, they had taken a chance that they’d only risked twice before. She thought it must make Hiccup as nervous as it made her, because he’d never pressured her for sex – and yet every time just felt right and good and a little scared part of Astrid looked forward to the day when it could be a normal experience for them. For something so new to them, how far they’d come was already astonishing to her. She trusted Hiccup with everything now.

When they’d returned late the second day, Astrid’s parents hadn’t seemed to notice how long she’d been gone. Stoick had assumed that Hiccup had spent the majority of the time at the forge, which was common when he was working on a big project, and while Gobber had given her and Hiccup a very severe look, he had also covered for them and hadn’t corrected Stoick. She suspected that Gobber didn’t mind much what they actually got up to, but that he really didn’t like lying to Stoick.

Colors danced in front of her eyes, and Astrid realized that she’d been staring into the fire. Blinking the glare away from her sight, she turned to find Hiccup frowning as he leafed through a stack of blueprints. “I mean, you had to have thought about it too, right?”

Marriage was a fact of life in the Viking community. She’d known from a young age which men she had to pick from, and she’d had frank discussions with Ruffnut that indicated the other girl had thought the same way as well.

When he didn’t respond, she frowned too. “What are you looking for?”

Finally, he mumbled, “I don’t know, I never really thought about marrying anyone. I always liked you, I always wanted your attention, but I didn’t think about marrying you.”

There was a lot more to that statement – how uncertain Hiccup���s youth had been, whether or not Stoick would actually name him heir, how little faith people’d had in him, and how much he had struggled to find his place as a Viking, which had never come naturally to him.

It was also telling that he had never looked at Ruffnut. She and Tuffnut had been Snotlout’s right and left hand growing up, and had led the chorus of Hiccup the Useless. While Astrid had never been Hiccup’s friend, she also hadn’t been cruel to him. Again, she felt a stab of guilt remembering her father telling her not to join in with her taunting peers – “A boy who’s kicked when he’s young will punish his wife later.”

A statement like that also reflected the fundamental difference between them – Astrid most often focused on the practical, had been aware from a young age that she was going to marry one of the boys in her generation one way or another. Hiccup, always thinking up big ideas, had liked her without any thought of whether or not it was a good idea or could possibly work out.

“…And I had two different designs for it and I can only find the earlier one and I promised my dad I would bring the new one to show him after dinner tonight…”

Belatedly, Astrid realized that Hiccup had not only started talking again, but that he was talking about something completely different. “What’s this now?” she asked, coming up behind him and draping an arm around his shoulder.

He shot her an appreciative glance. “Plans for saddle mounted defenses for the scouting parties.”

“Oh yeah, I’m on patrol tomorrow,” Astrid nodded, resting her chin on his shoulder and looking down at the drawings.

“Well I don’t think it’s going to work if I have to use the materials I have here in the forge –” he gestured around him, at the sea of scrap metal and other materials that littered the room. Gobber and Hiccup were talented, and those talents were in high demand both on Berk and in the surrounding area. Astrid knew that a good portion of Berk’s trade came from their hands. “I need something lighter to work with, or else we can only use the Boulder class dragons, which is useless, because we mostly use the tracker class and strike class for patrols –”

“You always figure something out,” Astrid said encouragingly, because it was true.

“I know but those pirates are only a couple days away, and my dad really wants me to help prepare if we’re raided.” Definite anxiety was creeping into his voice, and Astrid’s hands ran soothingly down his arms.

“Your dad has been preparing for raids before you were born, and these aren’t even dragons. He knows what he’s doing already, he just wants to know that you’re thinking about it too.” There was a world of difference in the relationship between Stoick and Hiccup, but old habits died hard. Too often Hiccup still felt pressure to live up to his father when his father was just trying to prepare his son for his future as Berk’s chief.

And Hiccup really didn’t like presenting inventions or ideas before he’d perfected him – too scared being called useless, Astrid had guessed. People had developed an interest in Hiccup, wanted to know what he was working on or planning, especially when he was seen requesting unusual items from traders, but he could get secretive and protective of his projects. Stoick in particular asking to see was stressful for him.

He didn’t respond, and Astrid ducked to kiss him on the cheek. “You’re fine,” she insisted. “Wait ‘til you see him tonight. He’s just going to be thrilled with the idea, he’s not going to demand you have them all finished tomorrow. Besides,” she nodded at the mess around them. “Gobber will throw a fit if you don’t finish out the current task list before you start something new.”

His arm snaked around her waist, and she allowed the gentle pressure to pull her in front of him, her arms winding around his neck. She kissed the point of his chin, and she felt his hands spasm where they sat on the top of her hips.

Though he’d toweled off, his clothes were still wet and his skin was cold and clammy; no bother, as Astrid was in the same state. She kissed him once, chastely, and then trailed a line down to his jaw, biting a small mark at the corner up by his ear where his hair could mostly cover it. He laughed, ticklish and cheered, and his breath was warm where it ghosted across her skin. She looked up at him with a sunny grin on his face, and felt relief when she saw the worry lines were gone between his eyebrows.

“Ugh, I should go,” she said reluctantly. He momentarily distracted her with a series of kisses that warmed her down to her toes, but the chafing of her still wet leggings against her thighs reminded her that she was going to have to make another trip out in the rain.

“You don’t want to help?” Hiccup asked, and his hands had slipped under the hem of her shirt and rested there, calloused and familiar against her skin.

“I’m on kitchen duty with my mother tonight, I can’t –” he kissed her again, hard and bruising, and somehow his thigh slipped between her legs. When she pulled away, his head dipped as if to chase her lips. “And the last thing you need is Gobber blaming me for shoddy work…” he had developed a habit of teasing Hiccup, asking if he’d been distracted while working. They owed Gobber for the cover story, but it was better not to give him more ammunition.

Hiccup deflated. “Okay. Yes. You’re right.”

Astrid smirked. “I usually am.”

Grudgingly, he released her from the cage of his arms; she twisted around and swiftly kissed him on the cheek. Then, after patting Toothless on the head, she took a deep breath and plunged back outside into the downpour.

***

“And did you get Snaggletooth’s axe sharpened?” Gobber asked, a prosthetic mug attached to the stump of his left hand. “I got his metal teeth to him this morning, but -”

“It’s done,” Hiccup assured him, pushing his stew around his bowl. It was hearty and filling, perfect for the cold weather, but he didn’t have an appetite that evening. He had worked in the forge without a break until Toothless had whined for dinner, and it was then he’d realized how late it had gotten while he hadn’t been paying attention. His father and Gobber had already eaten by the time he’d dragged himself to the Great Hall, and were finishing off great mugs of mead while they watched Hiccup pick at his food.

“What about Mulch’s rigging, did you get that repaired?” Hiccup nodded again. Berk was on high alert, and he’d been working non-stop to make sure everyone’s weapons were in peak condition and that their dragons were outfitted correctly.

Astrid was across the hall from him, a tray of mugs balanced carefully in one hand. She was talking and laughing with the other Vikings, taking away their empty mugs and replacing them with full ones – mead, obviously, and not anything of her own creation, judging by how deeply everyone drank. The warm atmosphere of the hall was helping the tense atmosphere of the village ebb away. It was safe and comfortable in here.

He heard Gobber chuckling, and belatedly realized how pathetic he must have looked. When he tore his eyes away, his father was smiling under his enormous beard, eyes crinkling with humor. “Astrid’s busy tonight, eh?”

Hiccup felt his ears burning. “Kitchen duty tonight, dragon patrol tomorrow night,” he mumbled into a bite of lamb.

Stoick nodded appreciatively. “Volunteered, didn’t she? Stormfly is aptly named.”

He shrugged, despite the words being true. Stormfly did love wet weather, the clouds help disguise her bright coloring from predators, and Astrid had volunteered for patrol. Stormfly was suited to the job, and Astrid was always doing stuff like that anyway – always looking out for the good of Berk overall.

Not to mention she was positively terrifying with her axe if threatened. The threat of pirates to Berk was something she took personally.

His dad was still stroking his beard, a thoughtful look on his face. “Aye, a woman like that –”

“I brought the blueprints you asked for,” Hiccup interrupted, dropping the sheets into the middle of the table. The last thing he needed was another hint about what a model Chief’s wife Astrid would make – especially since his discussion with her this afternoon was still weighing on his mind.

There was no question in his mind that he was devoted to Astrid, and he believed honestly she was to him, but he was in no rush to be married, and didn’t quite understand her matter-of-factness about it. Nor did he understand Snotlout and Tuffnut’s rush to lock down wives of their own.

Stoick’s face lit up. “Excellent! It’s too short notice to outfit the dragon riders now, but we really need to think about for the future.”

Gobber nodded, leaning to look over Stoick’s shoulder. “Hard to consider that the very presence of dragons wouldn’t be enough –”

“Dragons aren’t weapons.” Hiccup stated flatly. He had no problems outfitting the dragons for defense to assist riders, but the dragons couldn’t be considered the weapons themselves. They’d already spent too long laying down their life at the call of the Red Death, and Hiccup wouldn’t do the same.

“Right, right,” His dad waved. “These seem to be using nets and bolas, Hiccup, what happened to the one that shot arrows?”

“Oh yeah.” he sighed. That design. It was a simple barrel that housed several arrows, spitting them all at once using the strength of the dragon’s wings as counterweight for the draw. His dad was excited by the idea, but Hiccup had judged it impractical; way too many variables, requiring the dragon and their rider to be perfectly in synch with the draw of the bow and the risk of the arrows hitting nearby flyers. It had dropped on his list of priorities, and he’d focused on the bola design instead.

“The bola is safer, and better for the strike class dragons. The netting is for boulder class and the larger dragons that can handle the weight. And neither of these weigh the dragon down the same way the barrel that released the arrows would. It’ll help slow invaders down so that we can get to them on the ground.”

Stoick nodded seriously, eyebrows furrowing as he looked at the design in front of him. Hiccup sighed, relieved he was taking them seriously. He glanced up to see Astrid passing through the aisles again, still collecting empty mugs to wash in the kitchen with her mother and others who were on kitchen duty. He made eye contact; she quirked up a corner of her mouth and winked at him. He returned a grimace, then felt his face go hot when he realized Gobber was watching them.

Ever since he’d lied for them, the amount of fun he’d had at the young couple’s expense was almost unbearable. There had been thinly-veiled jokes, innuendo that suggested things that had never occurred to Hiccup, and one very serious inquiry about the safety of their physical relationship (in which Hiccup had learned “But I had Inferno on me the entire time!” was not the correct answer to that particular question). Hiccup had started to suspect it would be less painful to let Stoick knock their heads in and move on.

He looked at his dad, who was humming optimistically. “Uh, dad?”

“Yes son?” Stoick didn’t even look up.

“There is one other thing.”

“What would that be?”

“The cost.”

Gobber sighed. They had discussed this several times at the forge.

“Which is?” Stoick asked quietly.

“Well, Dad, at the rate we’re currently trading, we won’t get all the riders fitted for at least a year. And that’s assuming that it doesn’t grow as more riders grow up and graduate from the academy,” Hiccup explained, trying to keep himself from talking too fast out of nervousness. He knew his dad wouldn’t like what he was about to pitch, but – “If we could increase our profits a little bit –”

“And how do you propose to do that?” Stoick interrupted. “You and Gobber can’t do any more work in that forge, between what Berk needs and what you sell.”

“Dragons, Dad.”

“Hiccup we talked about this.”

“No, Dad just listen! Do you realize that the other tribes have been trying to figure out how to harvest the Zippleback gas? And we’re the only ones that have!” Hiccup, specifically, had been the one to figure it out when he was designing Inferno. It wasn’t just Zippleback gas, either – Astrid frequently traded Stormfly’s spikes, which were strong enough to pierce armor, and the rocks that Gronkles regurgitated were weightier than any cannonball.

“We’ve talked about this Hiccup.” Stoick frowned, glancing over at Gobber and then back down at the designs in front of him. Stoick had a fear of their enemies getting a hold of these items and using them against Berk. Hiccup had faith he can talk them out of it, if it ever came to that.

“I know but,” Hiccup laid a hand on the blueprints and adopted a persuasive tone. “We need to think about our priorities, Dad.”

Stoick was silent. Hiccup chanced a glance at Gobber, who waggled his eyebrows.

“I’ll think about it,” Stoick relented, and, feeling cheered, Hiccup smiled and relaxed back.

It was at these times he felt like he could actually be chief someday. He had a hard time picturing a chief in the world more stubborn than Stoick the Vast, and if he could convince Stoick the Vast that an idea had merit, he could convince anybody.

***

The rain continued well into the next day and carried over into the night as well; Astrid squinted into the dark, trying to make out something, anything. Despite the multiple layers she was wearing – fur lined hood and gloves, thick soled boots, leather lined sleeves and pants - she was soaked completely through. Her hood was drawn tightly forward, as far as the wind would allow, and she could feel the way her braid clung to her shoulders. Where her thighs made contact with Stormfly was warm, but everywhere exposed to the elements felt numb.

Stormfly, on the other hand, was content flying around the island. The cold wasn’t ideal, but she generated heat, and she loved the wet weather. As a result, Astrid had been sent to scout along the eastern half of the island, where forest dominated and where an invasion was unlikely to begin. It was also the longest lap to complete, Luckily, Astrid didn’t mind being suited to a difficult task.

There were no lights on this side of the island, not like the burning columns that were kept lit in Berk’s harbor to guide ships and dragons. With weather like this, not even starlight was visible through the cloud cover. It was hard to tell where the shore started, exactly, especially with the sea so stirred by the storm – the noise was almost deafening.

Astrid flexed her fingers. Her skin was tingling. She was brave, but she also knew it wasn’t safe to stay out here too long. She looped back, thinking to land and get something hot to drink before doing another lap around the island.

She wondered what Hiccup was doing, if he was still up, if he was working tonight or at home, huddled with his father in their little house making plans for battle. They’d had dinner together earlier that night, where he’d chafed her hands between his own, rubbing heat back into them. He’d brought her clean wool socks, freshly mended – “You’ll get more use out of these than I will, no good having a right sock wear out at a different rate from a left one.” – and she was wearing them tucked under her boots. His thoughtfulness made her smile, and it made her feel so silly, because everything they’d done together but wearing his socks felt intimate, and kept him close to her thoughts.

She banked hard, and the hazy orange glow that made up Berk appeared far out in front of her. The distance took her by surprise – unable to see, she had flown further out over the water than she’d originally planned.

There was a small interval where she marveled at the light, feeling fondness for her home, and then she heard the horns and realized that battle had arrived at last. Urging Stormfly on, it felt like a small eternity until she reached the edge of the scrum.

Her dragon belched a flame above everybody’s head, a momentary flash of light to let Astrid assess the situation and had the additional advantage of momentarily blinding those beneath her. There were shouts, though what ones were directed at her she could not tell. She could hear the shrieking of other dragons, but there was no one else in the air with her, and so she guided Stormfly to land.

Axehaft Hofferson still carried the family axe, somewhere out there in the sea of battle, but Astrid had one that had been passed down through her mother’s family, and Hiccup had sharpened it freshly the day before. She passed it from hand to hand as she hopped from the saddle, and then with a two handed grip raised it high above one shoulder and dove into the fray.

Men came at her – a dodge here, a dive here, and she’d taken out two of them at the knee. One stayed down, howling as he clutched his injured leg, but the other rolled around and got back up. Astrid squared her shoulders to face him. He had a short sword, and so Astrid kept her stance close to her body, making sure to block her vulnerable sides. She ducked and swept the axe underneath him, and right when he was going to bring his sword down on top of her head Meathead Fiskersson brought the butt of his own sword down on the invader’s instead.

He didn’t get back up, and Astrid and Meathead nodded at each other before they both turned away, their backs to one another. Three men approaching turned into two as Stormfly dove in and picked one up, dropping him far above Astrid’s head. Just as she steadied herself, readying for attack, Meathead fell backwards into her, and Astrid stumbled forward.

It was the opening they needed; Astrid’s axe thudded into the ground, and Astrid rolled so as to not land on top of it. As she tumbled she pulled the weapon with her; a sharp pain shot from her wrist up her arm as it twisted unnaturally with the handle, but the head of the axe came up in between the legs of one of the approaching men, leaving her with one coming down upon her with a sword.

She twisted, and felt the blade cut through the shoulder of her coat; it nicked skin, but she knew it would be impossible to assess in the heat of battle. It didn’t seem too bad though – she was still numb with cold, and not much warmth seemed to be sinking through. He’d reared back to get a second shot at her, and Astrid kicked out instinctively, aiming for his groin.

The sword came down a second time as he keeled over to grab himself, but she was able to avoid It, scampering to her feet and bringing her axe up to retaliate when a noise rang out over the din that made her blood run cold: it was Stormfly screeching, whether in pain or terror Astrid couldn’t be sure, but she instinctively halted and looked for her dragon.

Her hood had slipped back when she fell; a hand suddenly seized her braid and yanked her head back. In the darkness she caught a glimpse of a snarling face before he struck her across the face with the pommel of his sword.

For a moment, a bright flash of color obscured her vision, and there was a terrible ringing in her ears. Incapable of coherent thought, she was nonetheless gripped by the knowledge that bad this is a bad hit I need to move move move move. Her muscles wouldn’t listen to her thoughts, however, or perhaps her brain was still recovering from the blow and couldn’t order them to move. Either way, her axe was pulled from her limp hands as her neck lolled back.

Rough hands grabbed her, picked her up, and it took several moments before she realized that her feet weren’t on the ground anymore. Once she figured out that she was being carried, she tried half-heartedly to fight, but it was nearly impossible – the man who’d picked was three times her size, and she couldn’t hear her own thoughts through the ringing in her ears.

She was finally gathering her wits when she was handed off to another man – nausea rose as the ground rocked dangerously underneath them, and it suddenly occurred to Astrid that the roaring noise she heard was not in her own head nor the dragons crying out in battle but the sound of the ocean around her. They were putting her in a boat.

“Tie her up,” she heard a gruff voice order, and it was then that Astrid’s legs started to work again. Her knees crumpled beneath her, but the second she felt the first loop of rope around her wrists she twisted – and threw herself right out of the rowboat.

As soon as she hit the water she knew she’d made a mistake. It was cold and dark, and the storm had churned the sea so badly that she was simultaneously dragged down and pulled up as she kicked ineffectually.

She thought of Hiccup, angry and upset while he searched for her, and thought of Stormfly, forever confused about where her rider had disappeared to, and flailed in the darkness. What little breath she’d managed to gasp was running out, and while she kicked hard there was no light to tell her which way she was swimming.

Right when her mouth was forced open in a fruitless search for air, she was suddenly jerked upwards – one of the men had found her hood and was fishing her out of the water. Cold air slapped her in the face, but she’d never before been so grateful for the sensation.

She coughed as they dumped her in the bottom of the boat, still kicking and writhing. One of the men stepped on her shoulder, forcing her arms behind her back as he looped the rope that was still determinedly knotted around one wrist around both of her arms, tying them tight.

“She’s lucky she has fair hair, or else we would have left her,” came a voice from above.

Astrid only got the littlest bit of satisfaction out of throwing up seawater on him.

***

As if the skies themselves had sensed the end of battle, the driving rain had settled down into an irritated drizzle. It remained determinedly gray and overcast, but despite their best efforts the sun was rising anyway and Hiccup was now actually able to see the state of Berk.

It wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t the worst raid they’d ever endured either. People were rushing around, and every time he turned his head someone else was there, asking him anxiously what to do.

“Can you get a list of everyone whose house is damaged?” Hiccup asked Fishlegs, who was already sputtering percentages about their surplus of wood and what they would need to reserve for winter. When he turned away Hiccup added, “And if you see Astrid, tell her to come find me!”

His father was up at the Great Hall, Spitelout down at the docks, and Gobber over at the forge, each trying to put together how bad the damage had been. The forge had been hit hard, raided for their collection of weapons and scrap metal; Hiccup had been fighting near there and had been surprised to have nearly been gored by a sword of his own making.

Toothless was scavenging the nearby woods, looking for anybody injured and still alive who had crawled out of the battle. He had Snotlout circling on Hookfang, but he wished heartily for Stormfly, who was gentler when picking people up.

He spied Sigr trodding across the field, and flagged her towards him. Though her axe still hung off her belt, the pouch on the other side held bandages and salves and other first aid.

“How many wounded are there?” he asked, already mentally sorting what materials they would have to scout for.

“Ours or theirs?” she returned wryly, picking up the hem of her skirt to wipe down her hands. She tilted her head, inviting him to walk with her, and he followed her across the field, heading towards the great hall where the majority of the injured were being housed.

“How many of theirs were left behind?” he asked, feeling surprised. It would be another chore, figuring out what to do with those that lived and disposing of the dead. They’d always burned dragon carcasses, but he supposed his father, who had lived through many more battles, would know what to do.

“Five are dead, but we’ve found three wounded that are currently being held outside the great hall.” She replied, her eyes tracking the Monstrous Nightmare in the air above them. “Of course, that still depends on what the scouts find. There may be more. The battle stretched across the entire eastern shore of the island.”

“Speaking of which –” he craned back his head, waving to Snotlout. When he flew low, Hiccup cupped his hands around his mouth to shout, “Fly east, and see if Astrid and Stormfly are over there.”

Sigr pulled up and gave Hiccup a curious look. “I’ve seen Stormfly, she’s over by Gothi’s.”

“Stormfly is at Gothi’s?” Hiccup asked in disbelief. His mind raced, putting the pieces together quickly – Gothi helped care for the dragons when they were injured, which meant – “Well, Astrid’s probably up there then. She’ll check in with me, let’s head towards the great hall.”

They picked their way through the debris left from battle – Hiccup paused once to pick up a sword that had been dropped, thinking of melting down the metal – and discussed what to do with the living, the dead, and what supplies they would need. They would probably need to send emissaries to the neighboring islands for some of the less common herbs, and they would definitely need to weave fresh bandages.

The damage wasn’t as bad as it could have been – the invaders were looking to raid and steal, and not necessarily to destroy. Berk only had three casualties so far, though several were critically injured, Sigr had told him, and they’d had to dip into the honey supply because they’d run out of dressings to hold wounds together.

More to trade for, Hiccup thought absently while Sigr talked. And the forge our main source of income…

His father was shouting order as they approached the hall. From within they could hear the hubbub of many voices blended together – some moaning in pain, others soothing in comfort – and that wasn’t even counting the noise that anxious dragons added as they sought out their owners.

“Hiccup!” his father called him over, dropping a heavy hand onto his shoulder. “Have you gotten a chance to search for any more wounded?”

“Toothless and I haven’t flown yet Dad,” He answered, looking up at the dragons who hovered overhead. “But he’s been searching on the ground, and Snotlout is flying over the island. Once I find Astrid I’m going to get her to cover by air too, she can fly Toothless while Stormfly is injured.”

Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Sigr fashioned a sling for Meathead Fisskerson’s arm. While she tended to the injured one, he gestured wildly with the other; Hiccup watched curiously as he determinedly pointed towards Stoick.

Sigr turned her head to look at them as well, and automatically, Hiccup’s feet started to move towards them. It took a second for his father to realize he was leaving, but once he did he followed, his stomping footsteps echoing after HIccup.

“I’m telling you I saw it!” Meathead was insisting, “I was back to back with her!”

“I’m not arguing with you,” Sigr said calmly, her tone the effortlessly gentle lilt of a healer. “I’m just reminding you that we’re still sorting out who is missing, who is injured, and who is dead.”

Hiccup reached them, and Meathead almost jumped up - it was only Sigr’s steady head, clapped firmly on his shoulder, and the stern look on her face that held him still while she tied his bandages.

“What did you see?” Hiccup asked curiously. “Sigr’s right, we are still sorting out where everyone is -”

“The Hofferson girl!” Meathead said emphatically. “She landed right behind me, saved me from an axe to the back, right enough. They felled both of us at the same time. It was dark and she had her hood pulled up in the rain, they didn’t realize she was a girl until they went in for the kill - and once they did they cracked her across the head and slung her up between two of them and hauled her away. She’s been taken to be sold!”

***

It wasn’t the first time she had woken up - she had a few hazy memories of soft, feminine voices, uncontrollable shaking, and warmth surrounding her. That was what she felt now - heat, buffered up against her sides. For a moment, she felt with all surety that she was home, her mother humming softly, chasing away a fever, and Astrid relaxed into the feeling.

Then the truth slammed into her mind, and she stiffened in alarm. Her eyes flew open, and was met with a ceiling made of dark, dingy planks, only about a foot in front of her face. She was sandwiched between two warm bodies, and when she wriggled, trying to look around, they moved back against her.

“...Er,” Her voice seemed caught in her throat, closed up tight. She had a monstrous headache. Even moving her eyes sent little shocks of pain through her forehead.

Then, a face. A plain, pretty face, giving her a grim smile seemingly of relief.

“You’re really awake this time?” It was a statement phrased like a question.

“Where am I?” Astrid asked immediately, trying to shimmy away, alarmed.

The girl shrugged. “About a day away from wherever they picked you up.” She frowned then. “At least, I think it’s been about a day. It’s hard to tell down here.”

“Wha…?” Astrid blinked, trying to get her bearings. She felt awful. Besides the pain in her head, her chest ached and each breath rattled in her chest. When she coughed it made the sharp pain in her head worse, but when she tried to bring up a hand to prod at the sore spot she found her hands had been bound behind her back.

“Where are you from anyway?” The girl continued. “We were trying to figure out which direction we were headed.”

“Berk,” Astrid answered absently, still wracking her brain to put together her scattered memories. She could remember the blow to her head, and fighting someone and - Stormfly! Stormfly had needed her, and Astrid had gone down before she could get to her. She also remembered darkness, and water, and gasping but finding no air.

“Berk?” The girl’s nose wrinkled while she thought about it. “Never heard of it.”

“North,” another voice broken in. “We’re very very far north. We’re within the archipelago.”

Astrid’s head lolled, looking at the other woman pressed up against her side. It was an older woman - at least, older compared to the others packed in around them. Most of them were teeangers, younger than Astrid, but this woman, despite her young looking face, was clearly several years older. She cast a critical eye on Astrid. “You awake now girl? You were talking out of your head there for a bit. What’s a Stormfly?”

“My dragon,” Astrid answered.

“You’re still talking out of your head then. Dragons are stories.” The first girl dismissed from over Astrid’s shoulder. “They don’t give us any first aid supplies, it was all we could do to keep your warm. You were soaking wet and shivering.”

“Jumped in the water,” Astrid answered, sitting up taller as she tugged experimentally at the ropes tying her hands.

“Why ever would you do that?”

Astrid grunted, lifting her rear end off the ground to slide her bound hands underneath her legs. She held her arms up in front of her face and couldn’t help the victorious grin on her face. “So I can do this,” She answered, and twisted her arms.

As she had hoped, the knot, originally tied when it was swollen with water, had dried - and loosened.

“Here,” she said, shrugging off the ropes and reaching for her older neighbor. Unlike Astrid, her arms were tied in the front. As Astrid worked at the knot, she said almost shyly, “My name is Astrid Hofferson. I was taken from the Hooligans of Berk. My chief is Stoick the Vast.”

“Helgi, from Hogshead Island. I’ve heard of Berk and their dragons.”

Astrid cringed. She and Hiccup had been chased away from Hogshead Island doing research for his map. It had happened less than six moons ago, which explained how she’d heard of them.

“I wish I’d been able to see your dragons though,” Helgi continued wistfully. “I would have thought that they’d make short work of these guys.”

“Dragons aren’t weapons,” Astrid parroted Hiccup’s go-to line automatically. “They help us because they love us and are loyal to us and Berk is their home too, but they aren’t the same as an axe in my hand.”

“Can’t hurt,” Helgi muttered. “I’d like to ride a dragon…”

“It’s the best feeling in the world,” Astrid admitted, The rope slipped free, and Helgi shrugged her shoulders, trying to put feeling back into her arms. “How long have you been tied up?”

“Um…” She turned to free her neighbor, as Astrid turned to the ropes binding the first girl who’d spoken to her “We’ve been fed three times since I’ve been brought on board, and I was taken the last raid before yours which means -”

“Johann said they were three days away before our raid,” Astrid filled in. “So maybe as long as a week?”

“Possibly.” Helgi agreed.

“Where are we headed?” Astrid asked, as more girls started to free one another, all sighing in relief and stretching as much as the cramped space would allow. Now that she was able to look around, she could count as many as thirty girls crammed into the small belly of this ship.

“No one seems sure,” was the answer. “I’ve heard everything from the Celts to the Romans.”

“Well they’re not Roman,” Astrid said immediately, more out loud than to anyone else. “They have the wrong accent. But if they’re taking as all the way down to Londinium -”

“We can be traded over and over again until we very well end up in Rome.” Helgi finished knowledgeably, nodding at Astrid’s logic.

“Well I, for one, don’t intend to be traded at all,” Astrid announced, scanning the room for exits. “Do you have someone waiting at home for you?”

Helgi shook her head. “No. I didn’t have many options in my small village. There weren’t many to contract with… Do you?”

Astrid nodded. “I have a boy and a dragon waiting for me, and if I have to, I’m going to steer this boat back to Berk myself.” She looked around at the girls who were still enjoying their newfound freedom from the ropes, all talking excitedly. “Am I the only one from this raid who was taken or…?”

“There was one other girl,” Helgi said, pointing across the sea of girls.

Astrid felt her heart jump into her throat. Could it be Ruffnut? There were only a couple other girls within a year or two of her who she would expect to be out fighting. Hope crept into her heart.

***

Act like a chief.

Hiccup stared at Meatheat as the words he’d spoken sunk into his brain. Beside him, he heard his father mutter, “Oh for Odin’s sake.” Toothless appeared at his side, nudging at his hip curiously. All his muscles were rigid. He couldn’t think, except for -

Don’t panic. Act like a chief. A chief would not panic.

He tried to process his thoughts. Astrid had been taken, to be sold like produce or livestock. Was she okay? Had she been injured? Astrid was the best fighter he knew, it was hard to imagine circumstances that would allow her to be kidnapped, of all people. She’s pretty, he thought distantly, Someone’s going to pay a lot of money for her. He’d never really thought about it, but his father had hinted that he’d need to offer a significant handsal to secure Astrid’s hand in marriage.

All those thoughts went through his head in the space of two heartbeats.

And then it was like he woke up.

He lifted his head - there were people watching him. His father and Toothless with worry, Sigr with concern, Meathead with obvious, naked fear that Hiccup was going to turn on him, and other villagers who had tuned into a commotion by the Great Hall.

A chief takes charge. A chief does not fall apart. Don’t panic.

The sun was not yet out, the skies grey and angry still, and yet everything seemed brighter and crisper. Hiccup saw clearly. He looked around, his eyes searching across the former field of battle, and taking in the injured men and women still littering the area.

There, behind the Great Hall, parked in the mud, sat three men tied together. The three who’d been left injured by the rest of the crew. As many as five were dead, Hiccup vaguely remembered Sigr telling him. He wondered what kind of dent that had made in their crew as he climbed the hillside to where they rested. Eight men was nothing to laugh at.

Inferno was strapped to his leg, and as he pulled it free he heard Toothless warble in alarm. He was still working on the design, and it didn’t always work in wet weather, but somehow the humidity didn’t prevent the spark from catching, and the blade lit up easily.

He heard footsteps behind him; Stoick was following, but didn’t seem to want to stop Hiccup from - something. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do yet except find out where they were heading.

One man looked up fearfully at the flame as Hiccup approached. He’d never considered himself intimidating before, but objectively he could imagine how a combination of Toothless and Inferno might do so for him. Hiccup stood, silent until he dragged his eyes from the sword and met Hiccup’s.

He took a long moment before he spoke. Not to scare him, not to intimidate, not even to give the regal appearance of a chief, no.

He took a long moment before he spoke in order to make sure his voice wouldn’t crack.

“Where is your ship heading?” Hiccup asked, his voice low and gravelly in a way he only heard when Toothless growled.

“We - Uh -” he stuttered in response, shifting so that he could elbow the men tied to his back. Hiccup’s hand twitched, and he heard Toothless snarl, his teeth extended.

“You’re going to tell us,” Hiccup said flatly. “You’re going to tell us where you’re going, where you came from, how big your ship is, and how many men you have.”

It was strange for him, to feel worried for Astrid. Toothless was his trusted companion, the gatekeeper to the amazing life he now led, but Astrid - Astrid was his rock, the one who kept him grounded. Flying was his greatest pleasure, but right now he felt like he was falling. It was scary, to be missing a piece of himself.

It was hard to imagine her being sold as property to anybody - Astrid would fight and kick and bite and scratch and - and that wasn’t reassuring him. Anybody who was in a position to buy a girl probably wouldn’t have any trouble putting down a rowdy one.

“West,” the man finally said, his eyes now tracking Toothless. “We were heading west. Trying to clear the bad weather. Heard there was a tribe of women that way too.”

A beat, and then Hiccup heard his father bark a laugh behind him. “The Bogs? You were going to head towards the Bogs?!”

“Women are profitable at market,” the man defended, but Stoick was still laughing.

“I’d love to see Bertha get ahold of you whelps.”

Hiccup never took his eyes from the man. “How many men?”

“We lost two after the last raid. We were down to twenty one. Our plan was to raid the Bogs, and head home to market to sell stock and replenish our crew. Always willing young men hanging around the docks.”

Hiccup straightened. “Twelve men then.” He turned and faced his father, and it was with total confidence that he found himself saying, “We’ll send the riders. We’ll get Snot and Fishlegs and the twins and head west. It’ll be faster preparing a ship. We’ll get back Astrid and anyone else they took.”

For a moment no one spoke. His dad looked at him, a strange, unreadable expression on his face. Years later, Hiccup would suspect it was a kind of muted pride, but in the heat of the moment Hiccup just felt exasperated with his silence. Clearly time was of the essence, and letting them keep Astrid was unacceptable. The thought of bearing the Chief’s mantle without her behind him - unthinkable.

Then Stoick’s face crinkled into a smile. “You heard the man!” he announced loudly, clapping Hiccup hard on the shoulder. “Get the riders ready!”

“One slight problem!” Gobber landed, Grump exhaling a small flame as Gobber’s weight eased off of him. His prosthetic hand was still outfitted with his warhammer. “No one has seen the twins. Mulch was fighting near them and saw a blonde carried off - I think we’re on a mission to get both Astrid and Ruffnut back -”

“No we’re not!” Everyone turned towards the sound of a voice calling across the field. Ruffnut stood downwind of everybody, her blond braids matted with red and a bolo strung around her waist. “I’m right here.”

Gobber scratched his head. “Then who?”

***

“TUFFNUT?!”

“Yeah, hey Astrid.” he said disinterestedly, determinedly picking at a scab in his ear.

“Sunnava -” She pressed both fists to her temples, trying to quell the headache that was threatening to reemerge with a vengeance. “Why? Why couldn’t it have been the useful twin?”

“Yeah, I miss Ruffnut.” Tuffnut agreed nonchalantly, eyeing carefully whatever it was that he’d just pulled out of his ear.

“I swear to Odin if you eat that -” Astrid threatened, and Tuffnut stopped and looked up at her, his attention captured. He didn’t look particularly beat up. There was a welt across his neck, like someone had tried to strangle him - Astrid could sympathize - and he appeared to be favoring his left arm over his right, but for the most part, he looked unharmed.

Unharmed, and unfazed by the fact that he’d been forcibly removed from his home.

“Tuffnut,” Astrid asked cautiously, “You do realize what’s going on, right?”

“Well, yeah,” he flicked his finger and pointed it at Astrid. “We fought the invaders and they clearly took the most talented warriors for their own, obviously.”

She stared at him. Sometimes she forgot that once in awhile, Tuffnut had a soft side, and he’d just complimented her in his own oblivious way. However…

“Tuffnut, you’re the only boy here.” Astrid explained. “They kidnapped you to sell you.”

“Nu-uh, that guy over there is a guy.” he said easily, pointing out a young girl on the other side of the room. “He’s got short hair.”

“She has her hair tucked into a scarf.” Astrid resolved to be patient. Tuffnut could be trying, but in this particular instance he wasn’t being willfully stupid, and that was a slightly refreshing change. “They took you because they thought you were a girl.”

“WHAT?” Tuffnut sat up, shock evident on his face. He scanned around the room carefully and came to the same conclusion as Astrid - that he was, indeed, the only male in the room and that more than a few of the girls were eyeing him fearfully. He slumped over. “I can’t believe they thought I was a girl,” he murmured, mostly to himself. “Maybe because of my hair? Maybe if I grew it out into some awesome dreadlocks…”

“Tuffnut you’re missing the point.” Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose. “Which is that none of us are getting sold, girl or boy.”

His face lit up. “Yeah? You thinking about knocking some heads together? I’d be down for that.” He eyed her critically. “Normally me and Ruff knock heads together. Or me and Barf. You’ll probably be okay at it. How are we gonna do this?”

Astrid ignored him. She looked out at the group of young women now staring at them. There were maybe twenty of them total - most were her age, marrying age, though some, she noticed with a sick pit in her stomach, looked to be as young as ten or eleven. They were all pale with lack of sunlight, and some were noticeably thinner than others, depending on when they’d been taken.

Some, such as Helgi, had the fierce expression of those who could hold their own in a fight, and Astrid felt encouraged.

“Anyone been out of here?”She asked, “I was still out when they brought me in. Any one with an idea of how this ship looks? The layout?”

For a long moment there was silence, and Astrid felt an ounce of doubt creep into her confidence. They were getting out of here, there was no doubt in her mind, but whether it could be done now so that she could get home relatively quickly was up in the air. If she had to wait until they stopped and she had to fight her way through a ship full of men and then find passage back to Berk who knew how long it would be before she saw home again. She was sure Hiccup and the others were looking for them, but it would be easier to get back to Berk while they were still in the archipelago and she knew how to navigate.

Then, a voice piped up in the back. “Greta. Greta has served as cupbearer.”

Astrid’s eyebrows rose. Normally the wife of the leader would act as cupbearer during meals.

“Greta?” Astrid called out, eyes roaming across the room. “Is this true?”

A girl stood up. Astrid studied her. She was tall for her age, but her face still had that layer of baby fat rounding her cheeks. Astrid guessed she was twelve or thirteen. “Yes miss,” she answered, her voice quiet and sweet.

Astrid stood. She had to stoop with the low ceiling. Slowly, she picked her way across the scattered limbs of the other girls until she was face to face with the younger girl.

“They’ve used you as cupbearer?” She asked quietly, as though every other person in the room wasn’t listening.

“Yes. Captain says I’m not to be sold when we get to market.”

Astrid stared at her. So the captain intended to keep this one. She was still young, but Astrid could see the potential that he must have seen - her hair was paler than Astrid’s, her eyes a piercing golden brown, and her face, while drawn tight with fear and anxiety, was heart-shaped and sweet.

“Has he taken you to bed?” she blurted out, and when Greta flinched away, Astrid softened her tone and tried again: “Have you bled yet?”

“No miss, but before I was taken Mama said it wouldn’t be much longer.” She answered, her voice quiet but confident, her eyes meeting Astrid’s easily. Astrid decided she liked her.

“Do you want to go home to your mother?” Astrid asked, her mind racing with possibilities.

Her little face lit up. “Yes! More than anything.”

“Then,” Astrid reached out and took her hand, clearing a space for them to sit on the ground facing one another. A spell had fallen over the room. No one spoke. “I need you to tell me everything you know about this ship.”

***

The storm had broken, but the air was still chilly and Hiccup pressed himself close to Toothless, looking for both speed and warmth.

They had good cloud cover, which Hiccup found to be in their favor. Any lookouts on the ship wouldn’t see them coming - although there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t hear them, given the way Ruffnut was shouting abuse at a distracted, rider-less Barf.

He hadn’t seen Astrid in two days at this point. They’d flown toward the Bogs, fanning south in case the crew decided to cut their losses and head home to market instead.

Worry and anger took turns gnawing at his stomach, and when they’d had to stop at dark to rest Hiccup hadn’t been able to sleep. Everyone seemed keen to optimistically remind him that Astrid could take care of herself - which was true, and the only thing quieting the dark nasty voice in back of his mind, whispering ugly things to him. Astrid could take care of herself, and was capable of fighting against multiple men larger than herself - when she was healthy and armed, that voice reminded him.

The truth was he didn’t know what state she’d been in when she was hauled away, he didn’t know what conditions she’d been put in, and he didn’t know what she’d look like when he found her - and he would find her, of that he was certain.

In the two days since he’d last seen Astrid, he’d gotten a good look at what his life would be like without her, and he didn’t like it one bit.

There was the physical loneliness, yes - he had never paid attention to just how often she’d grabbed his hand, ran her hands down his arm, nudged his shoulder with hers. All little things she in public to make sure he knew she was always behind him.

And that was the least of the touches he missed - there were sweet kisses, braiding his hair, resting her hand on his thigh - his life was missing a certain intimacy that he’d become accustomed to, that he’d come to crave from her.

Astrid had always been so practical about it - marriage was almost an inevitability on Berk, and they were lucky to both fall in love and be able to marry one another.

But to him - it was so different for Hiccup, who had found himself fantasizing about her, and wishing for her attention for so long; it had shaken him to get it, and then to find that she was different, fallible, instead of the goddess he’d built up in his mind. It had been a shock to realize he was in love with Astrid, actually Astrid, and not merely hypnotized by her legs.

That was when the fear had set in.

Yes, he would marry her, because there was no one else he wanted, but the fact was, he was happy, and getting married would change so much. Both of their duties, for one. At the first sight of settling down Stoick would groom Hiccup even more actively to be chief, and Astrid in the duties of a chief’s wife, and how to help run the village.

Hiccup liked helping, but he also liked being able to travel and explore and invent. He wanted to work on his map, and perfect Inferno, and find more Night Furies before he gave all that up to run Berk.

And all of that fear didn’t even include the new amount of pressure their physical relationship would endure - no point in getting married if they weren’t going to produce an heir, and Hiccup was nowhere near ready for that. He suspected that Astrid, for all of her pragmatism, felt the same.

But just because he wasn’t ready now, wanted to enjoy what was good now, didn’t mean he never wanted it, and he didn’t mean he wanted it with anyone else.

Only Astrid.

And if he had to fly halfway around the world to do it, then that’s what he’d do.

He found it almost strange how calm he acted, how very prepared he felt for battle. Hiccup didn’t like fighting, had felt ever since the Great Peace with dragons that talking, negotiating, could solve anything, but not this time. These men had taken two of their citizens, they’d stolen valuable weapons and materials from forge, damaging Berk’s income. It was effortless for him to give the orders: find them, attack, take no prisoners. It was a confidence he wasn’t used to enjoying.

It was well after midday when Snotlout waved him down; Hiccup sighed, sure he was going to suggest scouting for a place to rest, to let the dragons eat, or even eat themselves, so what came out of Snot’s mouth when he flew close surprised him:

“There’s a ship southwest of here! I’m not sure it’s them though… they’re heading back towards us.”

Hiccup frowned, lifting the front of his mask to look at Snot. “Maybe it’s someone who has run into them?”

He shrugged. “It’s the right flags though. At this rate we’ll meet them in another hour’s flight.”

As they approached, he found that Snotlout was right - it was the correct size, correct flags, but most definitely heading in the wrong direction. He looked around as he descended, and saw Snotlout at his back, Ruffnut closing in from the east and Fishlegs not far behind her. Since the others were not far behind, he drew Inferno from its holster and directed Toothless to aim for the deck.

As he drew close, however, he could tell something was definitely wrong with the scene - the deck was a visible mess, and the workers on it didn’t look right. They looked…. smaller, than the men Hiccup remembered fighting just a couple days before.

They never took a shot at him, even after they had obviously sighted him. He had caused a commotion on deck, with a group crowding at the rails to point at him, but they didn’t appear to be readying defenses, which confused Hiccup and alarmed Toothless, who was tense until they got close enough for them to realize that everybody on deck was a woman.

They gave him space as he landed. Hiccup still had Inferno in his hand, but it was no longer lit, while Toothless’ ears were perked and his smile gummy. The fact that he was so relaxed put Hiccup at ease, though he still remained cautions as he dismounted. None of the girls seemed alarmed, and Hiccup wondered if he had just flown directly into a trap.

“Um,” he said, scratching the back of his head as he looked around.

“Hiccup!” His spine stiffened at the sound of his name, and Hiccup turned and looked down the deck as his heart started to race in his chest. Somewhere behind him he heard an uproar as Snotlout landed on deck next to Toothless but ignored them completely as he took off towards Astrid.

She looked - well she looked beat up. Both of her eyes were black and swollen, and there was a wound by her hairline, scabbed over and popping out of her profile like a large egg. There were mottled bruises on her arms and neck, some fresh and dark, others older, green and yellow, but she was standing of her own volition and the her face was split in a wide, toothy smile.

“You missed the fun part!” she called teasingly as he neared, and he could tell that she was leaning a little too hard on the wheel - it was supporting her as much as she was actually steering, but Hiccup suspected that was exhaustion rather than injury.

“You look like you had fun,” He agreed prudently, hands twitching to reach out to her.

She raised an arm and gestured around her. “This is mine now. Do you like my ship?”

A grin tugged at his face. Astrid could drink him and Snotlout under the table and walk home without stumbling or slurring a single word, but Astrid after a good fight was drunk on adrenaline, with a temperament to match.

“I like your ship,” Hiccup nodded, hands on his hips as he watched the girls converging upon Snotlout and the dragons, now fully convinced of their safety in the middle of the sea.

“I’m calling it The Hiccup,”Astrid said proudly, and when Hiccup raised his eyebrows she added, “That’s what the sailors do! They name their ships after their women!”

“I don’t think it works that way,” He intoned blandly, the smile on his face now broad and silly like hers.

She raised a finger at him, pointing threateningly, “Hey! You don’t get to argue with the captain of the ship! Just ask the last guys who tried.”

“Yeah, where are those guys-MMPH.” He couldn’t even finish the question; she’d grabbed him by the buckles of his flight suit and dragged him closer, pulling him down to kiss her.

He allowed himself to enjoy the kiss for only one second - ten - okay, thirty seconds before he pulled away, lips smacking the taste of blood off of hers. “Are there any men left? Where are they?”

Astrid shrugged. “Some are passed out on wine and locked below decks. The ones who tried to fight are a day’s trip south of here, if they’re still treading water.”

The others were closing in now. Astrid transferred her weight from the wheel to Hiccup, and he slipped an arm around her waist to support her. “We have to get these girls home.”

He cast a critical eye across the deck; judging by how thin and pale some of the girls were, he suspected they’d been on the ship for weeks. They were all enamored with Toothless, who was showing off playfully, twitching his tail and smiling. “I wonder if they’ll let us fly them on the dragons. Do you need to sit down?”

“Never!” She answered, waving an arm impatiently and swaying off balance as she did so. “And we have to get my ship back to Berk. Because this is my ship now.”

He sighed, and tightened his grip. “What do you want to do with the rest of the men?"

“You don’t think we can get a good price for them at market?” she mused, tapping her chin with one outstretched finger thoughtfully.

“Astrid.” He couldn’t help the scolding note creeping into his tone.

“Can we throw them overboard with the rest of their crew?” She asked hopefully.

He blanched, and a shrill, happy giggle tore from her throat.

“Well we’ll keep them all locked together in the bottom like we were, but I want them off my boat. They upset the girls.” Astrid insisted, and Hiccup found himself nodding in agreement.

“We’ll take off and fly ahead back to Berk and get another ship to meet you.” Ruffnut and Fishlegs had landed at this point, and Tuffnut was facing an enthusiastic greeting from his dragon. “Once we meet up with my dad we’ll ask him what to do with the rest of them.

They turned, Astrid still leaning hard against him, and took in the scene before them. The riders were charming the girls, and to Hiccup’s eye none appeared older than 16. They didn’t seem scared of the dragons, who were always greedy for attention. Meatlug had rolled onto her back and was letting them scratch her belly. Snotlout, naturally, had puffed his chest up and was in the midst of making several boastful claims - did he just claim to be next in line for chiefdom I should really shut that down - but the girls were much more focused on Hookfang than him.

Hiccup pictured them tied up in close quarters, lined up in a market to be picked out like a bolt of cloth, and felt a fresh wave of anger wash over him.

“Come on,” he said, using the arm wrapped around her waist to take more of her weight. “We’ll get Fishlegs to steer. The twins and Snotlout can fly ahead back to Berk. I want to make sure everyone is bandaged up properly and inventory the supplies below decks.”

***

It was to her dismay a full two weeks after their arrival back at Berk before she got to be alone with Hiccup again. There had been much to clean up in the aftermath of the raid - girls had to be returned home, and in some cases, safe places had to be found for some who had no home to go back to. More than a few had decided to stay on Berk, and Astrid had taken responsibility for getting them settled and integrated into Berk’s society.

There had also been the matter of the stolen treasures and material on the ships - Stoick had ended up mediating what belonged to who. It was still an ongoing process, but Astrid had been made to understand that the ordeal had come out as a net gain for Berk - which meant that Hiccup and Gobber would be busier than ever.

It was at their little forge that she finally got a chance to be alone with him. As ever, it was dark and pouring rain in Berk, and there was something welcome and inviting about the cramped, warm space . Hiccup was dry, having been there working since his daylight ride with Toothless, and as soon as Astrid burst through the door after dinner he made a tremendous show of taking her sodden cloak and dragging her closer to the hot furnace.

Stormfly had gone off to her covered stall near her house in order to ride out the rain, but Toothless was there, and he raised an ear and wriggled his tail in greeting as Astrid settled, using Hiccups dry cloak as a blanket.

“I brought you food,” she said, gesturing to the canvas bag that he’d practically tossed aside in his haste to attend to her. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I’m not that hungry,” he dismissed, but as soon as he bit into a piece of bread she saw his face change, as if he was surprised by how hungry he actually was, and they chatting amicably while he ate and she warmed up: about what he was working on, about how their new citizens were adjusting, about Stormfly and how clingy she had been since the raid, about her parents and his father.

“He was really worried about you, you know.” He said, tone casual, as he flicked a hunk of potato at Toothless. Instead of eating it, the dragon discovered that batting it around was great fun and immediately knocked over a bench trying to chase it.

“Yeah, he told me,” Astrid replied, working to keep the thrill out of her voice. Early on, right when they had first gotten back to Berk, he’d given her a warmer hug than her own parents, asking if she was alright, how she and Tuffnut had taken over the boat, and if anything untoward had happened with her or any of the other girls, since he was very much in charge of figuring out the fate of the men still on board.

Her own parents had been happy to see her, but Astrid could read in their body language, the way they’d held her at arms length - they had both been resigned to losing their last child, and whatever joy they’d felt at her return had not done much to break through the preemptive grief they’d already put themselves through. Still, her room hadn’t been touched, no funeral preparations made, and so Astrid found herself accepting that it was simply the best her parents could do.

Was it any wonder that she found herself attracted to Hiccup, who only ever seemed in awe of her abilities, who listened to her, who frequently remembered things she didn’t even remember telling him?

She wanted to kiss him then, and so she did, cutting him off in the middle of a sentence. He clearly hadn’t been expecting such an action; he grunted a surprised noise into her mouth and Astrid felt a shiver go down to her toes - she loved drawing such noises from Hiccup. She pushed him back on the bench, his hands coming up to rest on her waist, slipping under her shirt and pushing higher towards her breast. Her mind was racing, counting back but - no. Not a good time. No matter, as there were plenty of other ways to make each other feel good, which is all she wanted at that point.

It was much to her surprise then, to feel Hiccup’s hands at her shoulders, pushing her back. She’d been expecting him to slide his hands down, not up, and he laughed when she pulled away, mouth open and eyebrows up in surprised.

“Hold on, I just need to say his and then we can do anything you want…” he trailed off, thought for a second, and then nodded. “Yeah, anything you want. But - but first -”

She sat back, giving him her full attention, and he took both of her hands in his and held them tight. He liked to do that, she had noticed. It gave him something to anchor himself to, something else to look at while he worked through his thoughts - always so careful with his words, this one.

“Me and Dad talked about you.” A blush started to color his cheeks, and he looked down, not making eye contact with her. “And - I mean - we talked about a lot of things - but one of those things was you - and another one of those things were - well. He told me - I asked, I asked first, just, kind of trying to feel out - we talked about what I would need. Handsal. So I can approach your parents.”

Whatever he’d been about to say, she hadn’t been expecting that. It had always been enough to know that there was no one else Hiccup had ever looked at, understanding that Hiccup had other duties and expectations to live up to without adding the weight of her impatience to his burden.

She blinked at him, pleased beyond words and surprised at this turn of events. While she groped for words, however, Hiccup rushed on:

“I’m not - I’m not asking now, or even - I don’t know when. But I’ve talked to Dad about it and I’m working on a proper, uh, offer.”

She knew what he was really trying to say. The same as any one of his projects or his inventions, he didn’t want everyone to know until it was perfect. And while she could try, she didn’t need sit there and explain that this, right now, trapped with him and his dragon in the comfort of the forge, wrapped up in a cloak that smelled like him to stave off the cold rain outside was the most perfect moment she could imagine.

They’d already had thousands of perfect moments - moonlit flights, dragon races, scouting trips, and even more mundane than that: decorating for Snoggletog, mucking the dragon’s barn stalls, sharing a picnic lunch. She wondered how many more perfect moments they’d share before he decided it was the one he was waiting for.

Then she thought abruptly of Hiccup, two weeks ago, presenting her with a pair of freshly mended socks to help ward off the chill while she was on patrol, and knew that it didn’t matter how long it took. She would wait for him as long as he needed.

“Astrid?” he broke her reverie. Somehow she’d drifted away from him, thinking about socks. There was a tremble to his voice; he thought she was angry with him.

“Ya - Yes. Yes. Good.” she swallowed hard. Outside it was dark as night, and somehow things had never looked brighter. A slow smile unfurled across her face - she could feel it, and judging by the apprehensive look on Hiccup’s face, he could see the shift. “Now, I think you promised me anything I wanted?”

The flush on his face instantly deepened. He scratched the back of his head. “I mean yeah - if you - OW!”

That was as far as he got before she pounced; she tackled him backwards and they tumbled from the workbench they’d been straddling onto the hard floor of the forge, too close to the fire. Her arms locked around his neck, her lips found his, and they remained locked together for several minutes before Astrid straightened, folding up his cloak for him to use as a pillow.

“Was that necessary?” He asked, rubbing his shoulder where he’d hit the floor.

“You love it,” she teased, her fingertips brushing the waistband of his trousers.

“Yeah,” the smile on his face was exasperated, teasing, but genuine nonetheless. “I kind of do.”

[taemin-here-blog]

hellfire. [flashback]

Sleek.

It was the only English word he could think of to describe it when he first entered. 

He’d never been in one of these places before. And if he was being completely honest, he would’ve never guessed he’d end up in one. Stripping wasn’t really all that sexy. And how much actual talent did it take to stand on a stage and grind to a rhythm?

None, he thought to himself.

Taemin  was a classically trained ballet dancer with roots in contemporary dance. Stripping required no such training and was even less respected than the ballerinas who quit on their failing career and end up performing in the scenery of a music video, not even a backup dancer to the main artist.

But yet he was here. And there he stood, head held high and eyes sweeping his surroundings, scrutinizing every little detail as his placid expression stood firm. 

He knew he shouldn’t have come. In fact, logic told him he didn’t have to be here. While his job at the local gallery’s reception desk hardly paid all the bills, he had money in his saving’s account. All the money he was supposed to spend at NYU was still there, untouched. He could live off of that for months while he planned a strategy to end up at ABT. While he easily could’ve withdrawn his living expenses out of it, Taemin always turned down the idea. What his parents gave him before he left was money he felt wasn’t really his. Already accustomed to living frugally, he wasn’t trying to live an ostentatious life. He was merely trying to find himself and prove how that pre-planned life his parents wanted for him wasn’t any better for him than following his heart and dreams. That money served as a rainy day fund.

So when he was approached while shopping in East Village, Taemin was only trying to be polite when he agreed to take the woman’s card. Yet, the more he thought about what she said, the type of money he could make, the less the nearly eighteen-year-old boy could leave it be.

“Are you lost gorgeous?”

The feminine voice made Taemin freeze for a moment. He refrained from jumping or showing just how rattled his nerves were being in a strip club of all places. 

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

It was awkward. Officially so in Taemin’s honest opinion. But the woman seated at the bar didn’t seem the least bit awkward. In fact, he could argue she looked comfortable and content despite their current exchange.

Licking at her red lipstick-lined lips, she rose out of her spot at the bar. “Let me reframe the question then,” she said.

Her green eyes were scary. They seemed to glow back at him, something he knew wasn’t possible. Her long black hair fell in inky ringlets around her face, cascading down her back and over her shoulders. With an olive skin tone, she looked like a dream, even if a bit intimidating under the current lighting. But it was the charisma dripping from her mouth and coating the air around the vicinity that made him take a medium step backward. As her gaze burned like a lit cigarette into his skin, he stood there, immobile.

“What brings a pretty thing like you to a place like this?”

Taemin blinked a couple of times before he felt his hand dig into his pocket and he fished out the coffee-stained business card. “I’m here to see Cleo.”

A perfectly manicured eyebrow arched up in surprise. “You’re here to see Cleo?” she asked, the disbelief very evident in her voice. “About what exactly?”

“About what she said a couple weeks back. Is she in by chance?”

The young boy wasn’t sure if he wanted Cleo to be available to meet with him or not. He just wasn’t sold on the idea of stripping. Even standing in this glossy palace, obviously not yet open to the public, he couldn’t be sure if he saw himself fitting in here. After all, he was a real dancer, a ballet dancer, and this was a departure from his training. Not to mention how much the atmosphere scared him. And didn’t all of the dancers have an aura like this woman’s? He wasn’t enticing nor was he someone with a personality so large it could be felt feet away.

He was just Taemin, that one Korean kid who never said anything and went about his business.

His hazel eyes shined back at the woman as she eyed him carefully. It was obvious she was sizing him up and hoping to extract something from the young face in front of her. But what Taemin lacked in charisma, he made up in being cagey and shut-off. He was virtually unreadable.

Pursing her lips slightly, she looked somewhere behind him before sighing. “She’s in. She’ll be in the changing rooms right about now,” the woman said. “But I’ll warn you: there’s nothing but naked women back there. Doors open in half an hour so everyone’s still getting ready for the night.”

After giving him directions to the dressing room, the woman took her spot at the bar once again and grinned. “You’ll definitely be what she’s looking for.”

“Excuse me?”

“Handsome, yet innocent. It’s just what she’s looking for,” she said. “Besides, there’s a rich smell to you. She’ll be pleased.”

A single nod was the only response Taemin offered before he started toward the dressing rooms. He was a mess of nerves now, more so than earlier. He was going deeper into this establishment and part of him wondered if he’d make it out of the club at this rate. The deeper he went, the more the idea of stripping became something he could toss about in his mind more easily than before. 

By the time his feet led him to a dark corridor, one labeled simply for employees but thankfully was allowed passage because he held up a tiny piece of hard paper with Cleo’s name on it, he could smell all kinds of things. The scent of a strong chemical cleaner, mingling obnoxiously with the smell of alcohol and nicotine. And then there was the distinctive notes of weed mixing toxic with sweat. 

In this dark hallway, the only visible light that kept him from bumbling into walls and flailing about was a single light at the very end of it. From that single light at the end of the hall, he could hear chatter, loud laughter and someone trying to sing along to a Beyonce song and failing to even halfway match the pitch. The closer he got, the louder the room became and it seemed no matter how much his brain told him to leave and forget talking to Cleo, his feet carried him forward.

Taking two deep breaths, he braced himself as he rounded the doorway and entered the dressing room. Fabrics of varying sizes, cuts, styles and colors were strewn everywhere. Bodies bustled from left to right and front to back as he stood there in the doorway. They were all women, not a single person a male, like him. Some of the women were completely naked as they carefully applied makeup or argued over where to find more hairspray. Had he not been gay, this might’ve been the sight any man would kill for. Dancers of varying body types crossed the room and congregated to roast one of the dancers as she tried out a new way to do her eyeliner.

It was akin to what Taemin assumed an NFL team’s locker room would look like before any given game. Everyone chatting and preparing to step out and give the audience a show they won’t soon forget. The familiarity could be felt between each dancer, even if they didn’t like each other. The comfort they must’ve felt between one another as they sat, half or fully naked.

And that’s when he was brought out of his mind.

“Are you lost?” one dancer asked. 

Her dark skin shined like onyx and he smiled at her. “Uh, no.”

“Ah, you must be here to see your mama,” she said, Taemin suddenly picking up her strong Carribbean accent. But before Taemin could refute her claim, she turned around and called out to one of the dancers. “Asami, your boy is here!”

An older woman stood, confused and looking in the direction of the woman who just addressed Taemin. She was Asian, that much the young boy could work out. She was gorgeous. Her black hair was short and framed her face well, showing off sharp cheekbones. Her dark stare zeroed in on him. “Rita, how many times do I gotta say that just because someone is Asian, does not mean I gave birth to them or we’re related?”

“How many times I gotta prove to you that Andra Day and Rihanna are two separate people?”

“Bullshit.”

Soon he was forgotten by the two women as they argued about the two singers. But he wasn’t off the hook. He was noticed by a familiar face toward the back of the room. A wide grin fixed across her face, she waved the young guy over, turning around to take a seat in front of the lit mirror.

Taemin slowly weaved his way through the crowded dressing room, apologizing to the few women he accidentally bumped because he couldn’t squeeze between them. 

Thankfully the corner of the dressing room Cleo occupied was quiet. The air around her seemed so calm, and cool and collected. Nothing like the mayhem ensuing just twenty feet away.

The way her blonde hair was slicked into a high ponytail reminded him of the very day she approached him. She was gorgeous and her posture as straight as a razor even when she was seated. Her blue eyes glanced at him through the mirror before she moved her head to the right.

“Go ahead, sit.”

Not waiting another second, Taemin swiftly moved into the seat to the right of Cleo and smiled politely. Bowing the way he was taught in the Kim household, he thanked her.

She laughed, the sound light and bubbly. He could sense she must’ve been a popular act among the numerous women crowded into this dressing room. She mirrored the attitude of the raven-haired woman he met in the main section of the club, oozing sex appeal and giving off a visceral reaction to anyone near them. Perhaps it was why he was seated here in front of this vanity mirror instead of going into his stupid gallery receptionist job like he was supposed to. Because he would’ve never walked through these front doors of his own accord. He wasn’t even straight or sexually attracted to women.

“I have to admit,” Cleo began, turning slightly in her seat so she could face Taemin, “I didn’t expect you to show up after our conversation.”

Nodding in understanding, the younger man sighed deeply, “I didn’t think I would either.”

“And if it’s even possible, you look more innocent than the last time.”

He only laughed, combing his fingers through his black locks. “Hardly.”

The knowing glance Cleo gave him was all he needed to shut up.

“I assume you’re here about what we talked about.”

There was a slight nod as Taemin sifted through his mind. How did he go about this? How did he admit that the money sounded attractive, even if he wasn’t desperate for cash at the moment? How did he explain how thirsty he was for praise and laude without sounding needy and pathetic?

Everything that left his mouth would be scrutinized and he wanted to be sure it all painted a favorable picture of himself.

As he looked up at the beautiful woman seated beside him, he nodded more confidently. “You said that a great dancer can be a legend if they worked hard enough,” he said lightly. “But in your line of work dancers become legends overnight. What did you mean by that?”

Cleo beamed at the younger male. “Just what I said,” she replied. “All it takes is one dance and your cemented in someone’s mind for a lifetime. You look like a boy who stick in someone’s mind long after that one dance.”

The look she gave him made him shrink back internally, but externally he stared back at her. Eyebrows furrowed, he shook his head. “I’m not the guy that gets noticed.”

“Don’t lie to me,” she guffawed, shaking her head. “A pretty face like that, a dancer body like yours? I’m sure you capture enough attention just walking out your front door.”

“But I don’t. No one approaches me.”

“Being noticed and being approached are two very different concepts.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Just because someone sees you and notices you doesn’t mean they’ll actually come up and say something,” she said, as if it was common knowledge. “And with your overall look, you probably intimidate people.”

“Intimidate?”

“You don’t smile much do you?”

“Well I didn’t find anything funny...”

He trailed off when she snickered at his comment. His confidence was waning and he wasn’t sure if this was his interview for a job. Was this more of a rejection? It was so hard to tell at this point.

His thick, pink lips pressed together as he stared at Cleo, waiting for her to say something. A silence grew between them and Taemin sat there while Cleo seemed content to stare at him. He could feel her eyes as they traveled over his face, between his shoulders, over his chest--her eyes were everywhere. As his eyes glimpsed at the other side of the room, the women almost fully dressed and ready for opening, something hit him. It should’ve been obvious the moment he walked into the dressing room and perhaps when the woman warned him of all the naked women that would meet him there, but it was just now settling into his consciousness.

Why did she seek him out for possible employment when this club obviously didn’t employ male dancers?

“Um, I don’t mean to be really rude when I ask this, but I’m confused,” he began, his eyes lingering on the scene before him before they slowly dragged back to Cleo who seemingly hadn’t moved even an inch from the last time he looked at her. “I don’t understand why I’m here.”

Cleo laughed. “I thought we were both figuring that out before you went silent on me.”

“No, that’s not what I was--I don’t get why you approached me. I’m not a woman.”

Slowly the woman began to piece together what the young boy was hinting at. As her eyes fluttered to the other ladies in the room, she gave an airy laugh before she shook her head. “Oh, I wasn’t seeking you out to dance here,” she corrected, looking in no hurry to explain herself. “We’ll soon be expanding this club. A sister--or brother depending on how you see it--club will be opening very soon. I’m calling it The Hellfire Club. It’s far more...upscale than this. I’ll be in charge of it and I’m scouting dancers.”

So it would be another club. Taemin gave a confused expression, his hazel eyes narrowing as he computed each nugget of information.

“It’ll be a progressive type of gentleman’s club. I need dancers like you.”

“Will it be for males in the LGBT community then?”

“It will have aspects that will cater to them yes,” she explained. “I’ll have male and female clientele and male and female dancers to fulfill as many of the clients’ needs as possible. The club is invitation only and based on a strict membership process.”

None of this meant much of anything to Taemin if he was being honest. He didn’t even know if he was actually going to take a position as a stripper. He only showed up for this to see if he would actually go through with it and to possibly hear more about what the job could offer for him. 

“You don’t look convinced,” she stated plainly, heaving a sigh as she let her spine touch the back of the chair.

Giving a tight-lipped, apologetic smile, the short dancer shook his head. “It’s not that the business doesn’t sound intriguing. I just have no idea what any of that means,” he cordially explained. “Besides, I don’t know if I’m stripper material.”

“What’s that? Stripper material?”

He shrugged. “I’m not...I don’t think my dancing style will match.”

“Honey, I’ve been where you are,” Cleo said, flicking her blue eyes over his entire outfit before staring in the mirror. “I was a trained contemporary and lyrical dancer with dreams of making it here in Manhattan, but money is king in the city that never sleeps. I’m sure you’ve realized that or else you wouldn’t have trekked all the way to West Village to meet with me.” 

Taemin didn’t refute, merely stared at her in reverent silence as she began to put away all the makeup products she used.

“I was someone’s nightingale at one time but what good was it if I couldn’t keep an apartment or barely eat a single meal in a day? So I was recruited by a mutual friend at a ballet company to dance here.” There was something so distant in her voice as she reminisced her entrance into stripping. “I thought there was no way my style would ever match the style of those women up on that stage. But nearly ten years later and I can say I’m debt-free, living comfortably on the Upper West Side.”

The young male chewed the inside of his cheek. “I don’t need the money though.”

“Then what is it you need?”

There was a moment where pure panic shook his entire body. He could feel it tightening his muscles and cutting straight through tendons and ligaments. “I don’t know,” he whispered out, his voice breaking. He was becoming scared that he wouldn’t be able to finish his thought. He wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t. He wanted to explain how needy for attention he was, but he couldn’t. But he could at least try. “All I know is that I’m lost without dancing. And ever since I showed up in Manhattan I’ve felt...empty. I need to be on a stage again, I need to...I need to--”

“Fly.”

He blinked a few times as he stared at Cleo. Was that the sensation he’d been missing since he arrived in New York? The feeling of flying? Perhaps it was. It was the only thing that could explain the feeling of his feet carrying him across a stage, the way his body moved and arched with each strum and pluck on the strings of a violin or cello.

Unable to trust his voice to reply, Taemin simply nodded.

“This job will give that back to you,” she said thoughtfully. “I’m not saying this is an easy work environment and the physical exhaustion you’ll feel in the beginning will make you question the worthiness of a job like--”

“There was a period of two years where every day I woke up in excruciating pain due to shin splint that I let go for months that turned into a stress fracture,” he explained, unintentionally cutting Cleo off. “Pain can be ignored.”

Cleo’s smile stretched, almost wolfish as she nodded her head in approval. “There was something about you,” she said, her index finger jabbing at the air as she pointed at Taemin. “You were special the moment I laid eyes on you. You’ll do just fine in a business like this.”

“So what do I do now?”

“There’s a step between this and me hiring you. You’ll have to dance for one of my financiers,” Cleo stated plainly, her body turning to check her makeup in the mirror before returning her gaze to Taemin. “He wants to know I’m hiring acceptable male dancers. Are you free Friday evening?”

“Yes,” he jumped in, not even thinking for a moment if he was actually free or not. It didn’t matter because he would make the time for something like this. Even though there was a shred of doubt that stripping could bring him the same feeling ballet could, he was willing to give it a shot. It was better than answering phones all day.

“Good, meet me back by the private lounges on the second floor, Friday at midnight,” she said. “I’ll guide you to the room where he’ll be waiting.”

He gave a short nod as he stood up. Eyes traveling back to the nearly empty dressing room, clothes still strewn all across the floor and counter tops, he gave a small smile. This didn’t seem all that different from the dressing rooms he remembered from all those years in ballet. Just less tulle and no soft pastels to speak of.

As he headed toward the door, he heard Cleo call his name. He turned around to face her as she began to pull off her oversized button-down shirt and reveal a short, tight-fitting, black dress beneath.

“Yes?”

“You will sparkle, even under the dim lights of a strip club, I can promise you that.”