#so there is no reason to feel guilty! and yet! he paid money for a book for me and i already have it!

[lostsyren]

ʚଓ⋆ mariposa

{summary: after rafe told her to marry him and quit her job sofia is left unsteady from the break up. she finds work at a strip club to make ends meet. on the other side of the island, rafe is feeling similarly unmoored…so he takes a trip with barry to blow off some steam…}

{a/n: sorry for being inactive! busy with uni work! but i had this in the drafts and finally decided to finish it! i mostly avoided writing it because it made me upset, but the idea wouldn’t leave so hereeee, it’s long, be warned!}

{warnings: sex work, disassociation, misogynistic language, lots of angst}

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He got his money back. With interest. More than half a mil securely transferred into his account. But coming back home to Kildare wasn’t like he imagined.

In the back of his mind Rafe had slotted away ideas for honeymoon destinations, bridal shops on the island, the name of her family church. But now all that information was useless, and he tried to slowly part ways with it.

Part ways with the memory of Sofia too.

She’d listened to him. Of course she did. Every single piece of her was effaced from the house: the hair ties she’d leave around on the counters, her toothbrush in the bathroom, the book she kept at his on the nightstand. It’s like she scrubbed extra carefully making sure there was zero trace of her left in his life.

But when he saw the pile of neatly folded T-shirts in his drawers– T-shirts he’d given to her, Rafe swore he felt his heart lurch into his throat. That gut wrenching, sick feeling only proliferated when he spotted the glint of his mother’s diamond ring on the living room table. Fuck Sofia for making him feel like that. For making him feel bad. He can just imagine her now– her big puppy eyes on the other end of the phone line, watery and so god damn wounded, as if she was some tormented saint.

He hoped he’d see her at the bar. The reason? He couldn’t say. Maybe so he could see her wallow in her choice to betray him. Or maybe it was to talk– ask her why the fuck did she do that– why the fuck did she ruin it? He was doing so well, he was so good.

But of course she listened to him. Yet again. She always listened. Nodding her head like a good little girl.

Yes baby? Sure thing Rafe! Okay babe…

He remembered with a bitter, guilty twang what he said to her when he was down on one knee.

Quit your job…

And she went ahead and fucking did that didn’t she? Serves her right. Whatever money Groff and Hollis gave her must’ve been enough to tide her over. That what he told himself at least, to subdue the guilt.

Rafe sniffed a sharp inhale of air, throwing his drink back with a cold disregard. It was too bitter– the new bartender was shit. Rolling his shoulders, Rafe strained to shut off his eddying thoughts. He didn’t have time to worry about her. He had other things to deal with.

First order of business: pay Barry back for his boat.

Rafe left the country club, heading over to Barry’s place down by the docks. It was nearing sunset and by the time he reached the house, the sky was streaked with lines of orange and pink.

Barry was already sitting on the porch, smoking a blunt, lazy smirk on his face when he saw Rafe pull up in his Mercedes.

“You better be here to reimburse me for my shit bro.” Barry called out when Rafe exited the car.

“Don’t worry Barry, I get paid you get paid– just like old times amiright?”

Barry let out a low chuckle, opening the front door to let Rafe in, “except I never did get paid all that often huh?”

They ended up on the kitchen counter (much more spacious than the dingy kitchenette at the trailer park) sipping at beers Barry pulled from the refrigerator.

“So, you back for good now? No more crashin’ boats on distant shorelines typa shit anymore?”

Rafe nodded with a wry smile. “Yeah…back for good.”

“Your girl must be happy you’re home, huh?”

Rafe’s smile faltered and brows furrowed, like two deep notches on his forehead. Barry picked up quickly on his tangential plummet into anger. Or annoyance. Rafe swung between the two quickly.

“She not your girl anymore or is she not happy you’re back?”Barry needled.

Rafe’s eyes darted downward, his nostrils flaring slightly. Barry never did know when to lay off.

“What did you do country club?”

“What?” Rafe hissed, finally snapping at his provocation, “what did I do? Why do you assume it was my fault?”

Barry was unfazed at his sudden slip into anger, like he’d seen worse. He just chucked coolly, taking another languid sip, “��cause it usually is dawg.”

Rafe’s blue eyes burned with a flash of hot emotion. Why did everyone think everything was on him? He’d treated her so fucking well and here Barry was looking at him as if he’d thrown her out on to the street. “Yeah well it wasn’t my fault. It was hers. She fucked up. Not me.”

“What did she do? Cheat on you with that frosted tips guy? Y’know– Table topper or whatever?”

Rafe scrunched his nose at the image, “hell no. She sold me out. Fuckin’ pogue mentality isn’t it.”

He didn’t even know what he was saying at this point. He just knew that it hurt her whenever he’d say that. Pogue. Injected with such venom. She couldn’t hear him, but blaming her shut down the question that endured in his mind all across Morocco and Lisbon. That bounced around the spongy walls of his brain.

What did he do to make her betray him?

That’s the thing about saints– they never act without a just cause.

Rafe didn’t bother looking at Barry for reassurance. He could never glean that out of him. He heard his ex drug dealer scoff under his breath, the glass lip of the bottle hitting his golden tooth as he took another swig.

“Yeah well this pogue right here sold you out too– now you’re sittin’ n drinkin’ with him.”

Rafe’s nose twitched. He hadn’t made that connection in his mind.

“Yeah well I knew you were a piece of shit. She– ” Rafe had to pause, levelling his breath as his chest constricted, “she wasn’t.”

A silence settled. A nausea tossed about the pit of his stomach.

Barry intervened with a harsh slap against the counter, “okay well I know just the thing to get you out of this weird ass funk, country club.”

Rafe flickered his red rimmed eyes up to meet Barry’s. “You do? And don’t say dope.”

Barry laughed, licking his lips, “good one. Nah not this time. The only remedy for a breakup is some more pussy.”

Rafe shook his head almost immediately, “what the fuck bro?”

“Just chill a’ight? There’s this strip club that opened couple months ago the next island over– we should go. Maybe it’ll get your mind off of things.”

“What? Like right now?”

“Yeah why not? I’m down.”

Half an hour later, after Barry poured some liquor down Rafe’s throat to make him more amenable to the idea, they were driving down the OBX bypass, on route to Island Paradiso.

***

It was just meant to be a bartending stint. Just so she could get back on her feet again.

She’d tried to get her old job back at the country club, about to get on her knees and beg her manager. But it was too late.

The position had been filled…tough luck kid.

Four years she’d slaved away making margaritas and wiping down countertops, all with a pretty smile on her face, and it was gone. Just like that.

All because of Rafe Cameron.

Sofia shook away the memory of him as if it was detachable, like he was just simply velcroed to inside of her brain and all she needed to do was shake her head and tense her jaw and he would come tumbling out of her skull.

She was good at hiding from things. She was good at ignoring the glaringly obvious pitfalls of her life. But with that man, he insisted himself onto her subconscious. He was inside of her, reminding her of how stupid she’d been. She can’t even blame him– she saw this coming a mile away. She just didn’t want to believe it. So she hid like she always did, nestling comfortably in the Egyptian cotton sheets of his bed, swaddled in the cushiony notion that they loved each other and that was all that mattered.

“Sofia wake the fuck up!” A voice on her left suddenly called out.

She snapped out of her lapsing thoughts (she’d found herself floating in a dissociative haze more and more often these days) and looked down to see the drink begin to overflow onto the bar.

“Shit shit shit I’m sorry,” she began, scampering to clean up her mess.

“That’s coming out of your cut okay?”

Sofia just nodded, her stomach twisting with a sharp tug. She needed that money.

When she was with Rafe, he’d always needle her about her job.

You can always quit you know…I already pay for all your shit, you don’t need it…baby just stay at home with me, yeah…

It’s like he didn’t even consider that she was responsible for other people. The money wasn’t for her nails and hair and whatever other things Rafe ‘took care of’ for her. She had her family, her siblings, her parents. They relied on her.

It was clear to her Rafe never had anyone rely on him. She could tell by the way he acted. Even though he forced himself to be needed (throwing his money everywhere, cornering people into a pseudo dependency), Sofia could sense the childishness of his whims. It was like when she’d gotten $50 dollars for her Quinceañera and went out with her siblings and cousins to the store and made everyone buy some candy, because it was on her. Rafe forced everyone to buy candy just so he had someone to eat his with.

Sofia knew all this yet she still went ahead and quit her job, turning this pseudo dependency into a full blown reliance. And what did Rafe Cameron do as soon as there was someone who truly relied on him? He kicked her out, when she didn’t play the way he wanted to play.

But again, Sofia couldn’t blame him. It was her fault for hurting him. Her stomach writhed again at the memory of her duplicity. Worst thing was, she hadn’t even touched the 25k Hollis gave her. It just sat in the shoebox under her bed gathering dust at the heed of her guilt.

Instead she picked up a job at a club, next island over. There was nothing for her in Kildare. With all the rezoning laws and the steady trickle of Figure 8 moolah finding its way into the Cut, more businesses were shutting down, replaced with scaffolding and TO LET signs.

Thankfully a friend of hers knew of a bartending gig, less than an hours drive away down the highway.

And that’s how she ended up here. Under the neon lights of a very different type of club.

At first, that’s all it was. Make the drinks and serve the customers. But the tips were nothing compared to the country club. Why tip the bartender when you could pay for a lap dance?

And when the bills at home started piling up, her parents questioning if her manger had docked her wages (she still hadn’t told them she’d quit, let alone how she was engaged for a freak second), that’s when she’d looked over to the main stage, littered in a blanket of Benjamins and swallowed her pride.

“Sofia you’re up in a bit,” called her manager, Hayes.

She nodded with a smile, still cleaning up the sticky surface of the counter top. Hayes was a nice man�� mid forties, tall and burly with long brown hair that he slicked back and a scruffy beard. He spoke with a thick, southern twang and could be found smoking a cigar in the room overlooking the club.

“Okay boss.”

Sofia headed back to where the girls were. She hadn’t made much friends. No one liked it when there was new blood– it meant there was less for them. So Sofia just stayed in her lane, not biting when they threw her a bone to chew at and eventually she became just another dancer trying to make her way.

And besides, it’s not like she was replacing them. Sofia could just about walk in her heels, and she avoided anything too risqué. She’d told Hayes about her qualms and he’d listened.

She only danced three days a week. The rest were solely bartending. She got to keep her clothes on (which wasn’t much to begin with) and she could decline the private dances if she wanted to. Hayes would always vet the guys who’d be interested in her. Sofia didn’t know if he was just humouring her, but that little thumbs up he’d do made her heart beat a bit more evenly, especially when she’d be grinding up against the patrons.

“You know what songs you’re dancing to tonight?” Sofia looked behind her in the mirror as she was applying her makeup to see one of the girls hover by her shoulder.

“I gave the DJ the list you wrote me,” she resumed her eyeliner.

She eventually made a singular friend. Her name was Mina and she was a regular. Mina was all warm skin and tough love. She was only a couple years older than Sofia, but Sofia often forgot that fact when she’d lived so much life in comparison to her. She was the one who helped her get to grips with it all: makeup, clothing, name.

“You gotta have a stripper name baby!”

She’d said, starring at a newbie Sofia, whilst taking a drag from her cigarette.

She told her to lean into being Latina– Sofia needed a niche. Something these men could remember her by. If she wasn’t going to show her tits or pussy then she needed to distract them with something else.

So Sofia settled on Mariposa…Spanish for butterfly. It was cute. Sweet. Pretty. That paired with the sultry reggaeton music Mina suggested she go with, the flashy gold jewellery and the hot pink and red sets, the cash came quick, patrons slipping bills down the waistband of her pants and dip of her bralette.

Sofia was used to the routine of things now. She felt more confident on stage. She couldn’t do any of the more skilled moves the other girls excelled at, but she could dance half decently. And besides, the money she scraped from bartending covered what she wasn’t making.

She tried not to think too hard about what she was doing. The minutes when she was on stage it felt like a pink, glitzy mist settled over her– the glitter on her eyes and the lowlights on the floor tugging her into a dissociative state. It was just her and the music. The faces in the crowd blurred and she focused on the feel of the paper tickling her skin rather than the brush of beer stained fingers. No one groped or mauled– Hayes was a scary man with a gun. Sofia sometimes saw it peek from his waistband whenever he’d stretch.

She just let her thoughts dissolve into jelly and felt herself float from her body, detached.

At least for the moment.

The guilt hit her when she’d be asleep in her bed, that ineradicable Catholic upbringing making her skin feel dirty and heart throb in her chest. That’s when she’d bring her hands together and look up to God, begging him to understand, pleading for him to see her point of view. No one else seemed to.

But right now, she focused on her reflection in the mirror, trying to ignore the dark bags under her eyes from the late hours and shoddy sleep.

Sofia reached for the concealer.

***

Rafe entered the club following Barry’s lead, the sound of bass and smell of alcohol hitting him instantly.

His eyes roamed around the room. The dull glow of pinks and purples and reds shrouding everyone’s faces in a thick shadow.

Rafe had never been to a strip club before. He’d lied about it for sure– his fraught year at college making him real good at coming up with shit. But the idea of paying to see a woman flash her tits at you was stupid to him, as if porn didn’t exist.

But maybe Barry was right. He’d held Sofia in such high regard and look where that got him. Miserable and depressed, flushing money on overpriced shots at a strip bar. He needed to distract himself– make the image of her leave his brain, because no matter how drunk or dazed he got, all he could see was her face when he closed his eyes.

“You feelin’ better yet?” Barry chucked leaning against the bar beside him. He watched as Rafe’s gaze roamed the club, straying when it reached the dancer on the stage, her body wrapped around the pole.

“No,” he grumbled, throwing back another shot, quickly growing bored.

“You don’t need to stick by me y’know? Go get a lap dance or some shit or a closer look at least.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Because I’m a cheap bastard who likes to watch and not tip.”

Rafe just rolled his eyes at that.

The song finished, the dancer collecting her cash before leaving. Rafe took the chance to order another round of drinks.

“And now on stage, the gorgeous Mariposa!” The low warbled announcement from the DJ was followed by another song.

Rafe took a seat beside Barry, just as his drink arrived, before turning to look on stage, maybe ten metres away from the bar.

The next dancer walked on and Rafe felt his heart drop into his stomach, his chest suddenly rising and falling as he strained to prove himself wrong against the lurid stage lights.

But the closer she got, walking down the stretching runway of a stage, it was undeniably her. Each freckle and mole and that birthmark on her lower back visible, her skin bare and lucent for everyone to see.

Shock turned to anger, like a spark to gunpowder.

He suddenly jumped out of his seat and turned towards Barry, his hands clutching at his shirt, nearly dragging him off the barstool.

“You knew– that’s why you fucking brought me here didn’t you?” He snarled, eyes dilated and mouth curled.

“What the fuck man! I don’t know what you’re sayin’” Barry pushed back, trying to make sense of Rafe’s outburst.

“Then why is she here huh? Why did you bring me here? To show me this shit? To make me look stupid?”

“Who’s here? You’re not makin’ any sense man– just calm down a’ight.” Barry took a more consoling tone, on seeing Rafe’s downturned lips, and glassy eyes. He wasn’t just angry…he was upset.

Rafe let him go, gesturing toward the stage, his head bowed fists dropped at his side.

“You’re telling me you didn’t know?” He murmured quietly, blue eyes wild and darting, looking at the shiny floors of the strip club.

It took Barry a while to recognise Sofia but when he did, he realised he’d messed up big time bringing Rafe all the way here.

“Shiiit man– I didn’t. She must be new.”

Rafe recoiled at that, his face screwing up, threatening tears. He could put two and two together and figure out what the fuck someone like her was doing in a place like this. Why she wasn’t at the country club anymore. Why he’d never seen her around on Kildare. She’d listened to him. She always fucking listened.

For the first time since Morocco, the possibility that Groff was the one who lied suddenly occurred to Rafe. If she’d gotten paid, if Sofia was actually a part of their schemes like he’d said, why was she debasing herself for money?

Rafe suddenly felt a deep and ringing shame, as if he’d just realised who she was. A pogue. No different to Barry.

And he’d just thrown her out with nothing.

No. No. She betrayed him. She hurt him. That was the truth. That’s all that mattered.

Then why did he feel like such a piece of shit?

Rafe turned around slowly to look at the stage bringing his gaze up to her.

She moved with a quiet grace, her skin glittery and bronzed. She looked like the models on the porno mags he’d secretly look at when he was a kid– shiny wet skin, scanty pieces of fabric that dug into pliant flesh, limbs that stretched and twisted. He felt his pants tighten, and stomach churn– getting hard and feeling sick.

His brows furrowed and twitched and his mouth did the same. He waited for her to take notice of him. But all her attention was on the men surrounding the stage.

Sofia dropped low on her hands and knees. She arched her back slowly and smoothly, crawling down the platform. She lingered so they could stuff her bra and underwear with dollar bills while she smiled prettily at them with thick eyelashes. Rafe simultaneously burned with a viscid desire that pooled in his stomach and a raging envy that bored a hole inside him.

He began to near the stage, but felt a hand yank at his arm.

“What are you doing bro?” Barry said, coming round so he was facing Rafe.

“Get off me,” he pushed his grip away, resolute in heading to the stage.

But Barry persisted, “what do you think you’re gonna do huh? If you mess with the girls you’re gonna get your ass beat.”

Rafe just clenched his jaw, “what? They’re not gonna let me tip her?” His voice was low and thick with a sarcastic drawl.

Barry eyed him for a moment, his hand still on his arm, “I think we should go Rafe, let me take you home.”

Rafe simply let out a short, sharp laugh, “didn’t you say get a closer look? I’m just listening to your advice Barry.”

And with that, he shoved him out the way, making a beeline to the stage.

***

When Sofia was up there she let her thoughts switch off, settling into her role. She was good at that– pretending. She would do it at her old job, acting the part of the smiley waitress or the diffident bartender. She’d mould her face into the expressions they’d want to see: chirpy grin, bright eyes, patient brows.

This was no different. It was just another role, where she moulded herself into what others wanted to see.

And right now they were all here for her tits and ass, so she sank down on her hands and knees, slinking across the dollar strewn stage, and gave them it.

Sofia tried not to look too hard at the faces. Sometimes she’d become injected with paranoia. That maybe one of dad’s work buddies would be there, or one of her old customers. And they’d see her. Desperate and lost, scraping the floors for cash.

Where was her kook boyfriend now huh? Had he grown tired of her? Serves her right for turning her back on her own people.

Just take their money and go. That’s what she told herself. She can spiral into a mess of self loathing and regret later on, when she’d paid off this month’s electric bill.

Sofia moved in time with the music, passing people with cash ready in their hands. She sank down low to receive it, before moving on to the next.

She felt the next hand before she met his gaze. The touch of a metal ring against her skin, the tickle of paper slotting into lace straps.

Sofia smiled sultrily, her lips caught between her teeth as she looked over at the next patron. She was good at maintaining her demeanour, clinging to that act she put on.

But the veneer faltered, her smile fading and eyes widening as if she was prey and she’d just been caught. In who’s cutting jaw? Rafe Cameron and his razor-sharp bite.

At first she blinked, begging for it not to be him. Maybe it was the lights. Maybe it was just somebody who looked like him. But the longer she stared, the deeper her stomach sank.

He’d just wedged a wad of cash in the waistband of her pants, his face stony and unreadable. But in the brilliance of the strip club lights, Sofia swore she saw his eyes gleam with unshed tears.

It must’ve only been a couple seconds, but it felt interminable to her– her arms wobbling with her weight as she buckled from the shock. Thankfully the song was coming to an end, so she stood up, suddenly too aware and too embarrassed to do the final flourishes of her dance. She instead just grabbed the cash on the floor and headed off stage, pulling out the dollars shoved in between her costume.

Her entire body was on fire, the room suddenly too hot and the air too thick. She needed to get out of here. She needed to breathe. She needed to calm down.

“Just gonna pretend like I don’t exist then huh?” A voice called out from behind her. Sofia’s heart grew heavier and heavier with each passing moment, her chest constricting and snarling up.

She could just carry on walking. Not look back. Ignore him. Isn’t that what he wanted? Her out of his life? They were done weren’t they? So why was he rubbing in it? Couldn’t he just leave?

She felt hot stinging tears prickle in her waterline that she willed away. She didn’t want to look even more stupid than she already did.

Sofia stopped and turned around slowly, the cash still in her hands. She faced him, struggling to keep a straight face let alone speak. Everything in her just wanted to cry. Seeing his face made it worse. He looked so damn pitying.

“Why did you do it?” He asked, voice almost strangulated. His face looked angry but his eyes betrayed him– he seemed almost ashamed. Which was funny, seeing as Sofia prickled with a similar shame.

She just shook her head, her curled hair, swept over to one side, tumbling down and curtaining her face. But Rafe didn’t accept her concession that easily.

“No– I deserve an answer. You played me didn’t you? You and Hollis and Groff?”

Sofia’s vision blurred, the tears beginning to flood and blear, “yes but I tried to take it back! I tried–You just didn’t listen.”

“Why are you here? What are you doing Sofia?” His voice broke at her name, coming out in a choked rasp. “You fuckin’ played me for money didn’t you? Then why are you out here whoring yourself out?”

His words felt like a punch to the gut, her palms slick with sweat now, sticking to the paper in her hands. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t thought herself. Whore. Slut. Skank. Was he actually looking for an answer? Or was he here to hurt her again. Just like she hurt him.

Sofia realised she’d had enough of trying to decipher Rafe Cameron.

“You got it all figured out don’t you Rafe?” She decided she didn’t want to be apologetic anymore. So she nosedived straight into angry and bitter.

He mirrored it perfectly. “Tell me then, tell me what I’m missing?”

Sofia shook her head with a bitter scoff. “Thanks for the tip,” she muttered, before turning on her heel and heading for the dressing room.

“No you can’t just do that. I deserve some explanation–“ Rafe surged forward, grabbing her arm and yanking her towards him.

His grip wasn’t rough or harsh but it was enough for Sofia to trip and stumble over her heels, hitting the floor with a dull thud. Her money slipped from her hands, littering the space around her as she winced from the pain.

That’s when the commotion started.

“Hey what the fuck do you think you’re doing bud.” Sofia heard Hayes’ voice call out. She looked up to see Rafe crouch half down, as if he was offering to help her up. She recognised his friend, Barry, behind him surveying the scene, eyeing Hayes who came storming down the club floor.

“Just go Rafe, for your own sake,” her eyes softened for a moment.

“Step back now, or I’ll fuckin’ make you.” Hayes called out, pushing past Barry.

Barry put himself between Hayes and Rafe, the latter one now crouched down beside Sofia. And all she wanted was for the floor to give way and swallow her whole.

Barry yanked Rafe up by his collar. “We were just leavin’– weren’t we?”

“I was just helping her up, chill okay?”

Sofia needed to get up off her ass and away from this situation, suddenly feeling way too exposed, the image of her half naked on the strip floor vinyl, surrounded by crumpled dollar bills and three grown men dawning on her. Her stomach rolled with heavy waves of shame that hurt.

“You okay sweetheart?” Hayes asked from above.

Sofia nodded, not making eye contact and bringing herself to her feet.

“Sofia– fuck, tell him you know me. We were just talking.”

“I don’t care buddy, you leave now or I’ll have you thrown out.” Hayes’ face was stern and scary as he met Rafe’s eye line.

Sofia shrank in on her body, trying to make herself invisible. She felt Rafe’s burning gaze on her, as if he was forcing her to look at him. Usually she’d fold, giving into his stare. But this time she persisted and left, disappearing past the doors heading to the dressing room. Let them sort it out– she didn’t need to embarrass herself anymore than she’d already done.

As soon as the double doors to swung shut, and she’d safely deposited her cash in her bag, Sofia broke down in her mess of tears and wracking sobs that had been begging to surface the moment she spotted Rafe on the club floor.

She tried to avoid her reflection in the mirror and instead sank down onto the floor, grateful for the cool feel of the plasticky tiles wash over her naked, burning skin.

***

Rafe paced the parking lot, biting at his thumb. He’d spotted Sofia’s car and now was just waiting for her to come out.

“Get in the truck Rafe, I’m not playin’ with you.” Barry said, leaning against the hood of his truck.

“Just go, you don’t need to wait up.”

“Don’t you think you said plenty? She got the idea.”

Rafe shook his head vigorously, his nose scrunching up. Why was Barry being so sympathetic towards her? Why was he treating Rafe as if he was some abusive piece of shit who’d treated her horribly. “What do you think I’m gonna do to her?”

Barry chucked, the sound dark and sardonic, “ain’t you jus’ gonna rub her face in it a bit more? Remind her of her fuck ups? Just leave her alone man. I think you’ve hurt her enough.”

Rafe narrowed his eyes, stopping in his tracks, “what do you know about Sofia? What do you know about us? Huh?”

“I just know what I saw back in there. You make up these big shiny promises and never make good on them– and that’s what you probably did to that girl. That’s why she’s here at some low rent strip club tryna make ends meet. So the least you can do is give her the decency of pretendin’ like you didn’t see shit.”

Rafe’s mouth twisted in a scowl. Barry was meant to be on his side.

“You’re acting as if it’s my fault she’s here. She could’ve come to me– talked to me and fixed all this shit! But nah– she decided that this was the better option instead of having a single conversation with me.” He gestured wildly at the club behind him, the neon header flickering and spluttering in the brisk night.

Barry scoffed, the usual humorous glint in his eyes snuffed out, turning them coal like and hard. “Would you have listened though, dawg?”

Rafe was silent at that unable to give him an answer.

Barry plowed on, “I think you forget not everyone’s from Figure 8. She ain’t like your country club chicks.”

Rafe laughed but the sound was hollow, “think I’ve heard this all before man. Just cause you’d do anything for money doesn’t mean every pogue on the cut will.”

Barry’s lips thinned and Rafe knew he’d taken it too far, “maybe if your head wasn’t shoved so far up your own ass you’d understand why people do what they do. You’re actin’ all high and mighty– does she know about all the shit you’ve done?”

The air between thing changed. This is the first time Barry had brought it up and Rafe felt that familiar mix of anger and nausea froth up again. Barry knew to strike where it hurt.

A small smirk played upon his friend’s lips. “God forbid she whores herself out– but you’re good to kill people huh?”

Rafe tensed his jaw, face contorting with muted rage, it took everything in him not to stride forward and wrap his hands around his throat. “Fuck you.”

“Get in the truck.”

At that moment, Barry’s gaze disappeared behind Rafe’s head, only for a second, but it was enough time for Rafe to notice and spin around.

And there she was.

Sofia was heading to her car, wrapped up in her coat, bag hoisted high on her shoulder.

“Rafe, just leave her,” Barry warned.

“I know you think I’m just some asshole, but I care about her okay? I care about you too. I’m not– I’m not just some jerk. I just want to talk to her alright?”

He waited a moment, for Barry to give some sort of flicker of approval. But his dark eyes and sharp jaw remained set in place. Rafe scoffed, shaking his head. Approval from Barry was like drawing blood from a stone. But he still always found himself clawing for it.

Rafe’s tone quickly devolved into disdain when he realised Barry was as bloodless as ever, “fine– don’t believe me.” He ground his teeth, before turning around towards Sofia.

***

Hayes let her go home early, after Mina had found her curled up in a ball in the dressing room. She’d peeled off her costume, changing into her sweats and T-shirt, before grabbing all her things and leaving.

She let herself find comfort in the soft fabric of her clothes as she left the club, cold wind sluicing her face. She didn’t have to suck in her stomach or arch her back anymore. She could just slouch and cower from the rest of the world.

“Sofia! Wait!” A voice called out from her left. She turned to see Rafe approach her, hand outstretched and face hopeful.

He’d been waiting out here all this time? Sofia prickled with unease, her body tensing up on hearing his voice.

“What do you want Rafe?” She managed to rasp out, voice sore from all the crying.

“Please just hear me out okay?”

Sofia knew she should just get in her car and begin the drive home. But there was still a part of her that resounded with a dull regret at the way things ended. If he had things to say, well then so did she.

Sofia stilled in her tracks and waited for him to catch up to her. In the distance she could see Barry watch the pair, arms folded, expression indecipherable in the dark. Sofia didn’t know why, but his quiet presence calmed her fluctuating breath. He’d always been sweet to her, even when he didn’t need to, and funnily enough, she felt safer than if he wasn’t there.

“You good? I didn’t mean to trip you up.” Rafe began, semi breathless. He gave her a once over. Sofia must’ve looked terrible. She could feel her mascara clump in her waterline– there had to be streaks of black running down her cheeks, her foundation caking up and smearing. An acrid insecurity suddenly washed over her.

“I’m fine.” Her words were meant to come out as callous. Assertive. But instead, all she managed to muster was a hoarse squeak.

“Good, good,” he ran a hand over the back of neck, Adam’s apple bobbing as he struggled to speak, “was that your boss? Back in there?”

She nodded.

“He didn’t get mad at you did he?”

Sofia sniffed, nose still runny from her crying fit moments earlier, “no, Hayes is good, he takes care of us.”

That seemed to upset Rafe, Sofia noting how his eyebrows furrowed and mouth warped into a frown.

“How long have you been– uh doing this?” His hands gestured to the building behind her, the neon lights spelling out ISLAND PARADISO casting the dull building in a hellish, red glow.

Sofia could tell he was struggling to keep calm. His whole body bubbled with an effervescent energy she couldn’t pin point. Was it anger? And if he was angry was it at himself or her? Sofia would bet money the answer was her. He was never wrong in his book, she’d noticed. Nearly two years of being with him, holding him to her chest as he revealed his pain, kissing his cheeks and tasting his tears, Rafe never found fault in himself. It was always someone else who made him this way. There was always some other Big, Bad thing that had hurt him. Sofia realised she’d just become another one of those bad things.

But she kept her misgivings to herself just yet. “Coming up to a month. It started off as just bartending, but the tips were nothing compared to the country club.”

Rafe nodded, swallowing as if he was digesting this information, “the pay off from selling me out not enough was it?”

Sofia tried to withhold her wince. She knew it was coming, but still it hurt. “Rafe… it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

Sofia bit her lip, struggling to maintain eye contact. His eyes could be so intense sometimes, so cold and blue. It was too much. “I didn’t think you were serious about us. I heard what you said– that day at the club. I guess I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.”

She chanced a look at his face, his expression splitting into confusion, “what did I say? What are you talking about.”

“You were talking to Ruthie and Topper. You said I was just a hookup. That you wouldn’t live with me because you had standards…and I just snapped. Hollis gave me 25 thousand. I still have it– it’s yours.”

Rafe just shook his head, sifting his brain to reach for the memory. “No…no Sofia what the fuck? Why didn’t you just speak with me huh? Even when I called you asking you to explain you were quiet?” His tone was imploring as he neared her in one wide step, his body angled down so he could meet her eyes. Was he apologetic? Did he feel bad?

Sofia felt the gates of her heart open, spurred on by the possibility of his understanding. “Because I thought it was true! I wasn’t anything to you. You would just drag me around everywhere but make it seem like we were nothing serious…what you said that day was just the final nail in the coffin. Then you started talking about a future together– when you took me to see Goat Island– and I was so confused. I tried to take back what I did. I tried to fix it! But you wouldn’t listen Rafe. Then you went ahead and proposed– saying you didn’t care about what I did, that you still loved me! What was I supposed to do huh!? I was scared to say anything on that phone call, but you didn’t even give me a chance. You ended it just like that.” The tears started falling again her voice rising and falling, hurtling out of her control.

Rafe’s visage eddied between hurt and aggravation, held together with twitching features and watery irises. “That’s not fair Sofia and you know it.”

“And this is!? What more do you want from me? I’ll send the money to you tomorrow okay? You told me we were done and I listened. I’m sorry I made you loose everything but that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to want me Rafe, not just string me along like a person for hire.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Selling yourself?” Sofia could tell he knew it was a low blow from the way he waited a moment before saying it. As if considering if it was worth it. Obviously it was. He couldn’t help himself.

“Can you stop? Do you think I feel good about this? Do you think I want this?” She hated how broken she sounded, how helpless she probably looked.

Rafe suddenly switched from restrained and controlled to desperate and pleading. His hands rose up to hover over her arms, ready to hold her like he used to. Like it was second nature. Like he did that day on the shoreline overlooking Goat Island. “We can fix this. Move back in. We’ll go back to normal.”

“You’ll resent me. Look at you, you already do.”

Rafe shook his head, “I don’t resent you– I– I need to make things better baby, I can’t let you do this shit.”

Sofia blanched at the endearment, feeling her heart ache and twist almost to the point of bleeding out of her chest, “your word means nothing to me Rafe. You want me to quit this job too before you throw me out on my ass next time I make you upset again?”

His mouth screwed up, eyes narrowing in offence. He didn’t like the way she framed the truth it seemed. Sofia found a smug satisfaction at jabbing at him like that.

“Just go. I’ll figure it out. I don’t need your pity.”

“You don’t get it, do you? You hurt me too Sofia. I don’t pity you– I miss you. We can get past this.”

Sofia shook her head, the tears that had collected in her ducts overflowing onto her splotchy cheeks, “how can I believe you huh? Look where it got me last time I put my faith in you.”

Rafe just swallowed thickly, sniffing and letting his head drop. He was quiet for a while stepping back from her. Sofia watched his face shift through a whole spectrum of emotions as if he was deciding what route to take. Finally he sighed, deep and defeated and ashamed, running a coarse hand through his cropped hair.

Rafe slowly neared Sofia, bending down low and finally bridging the distance. Sofia would’ve stepped back but something about the way he looked at her, sincerity finally filling blue irises, reminded her of the day she realised she’d fallen for him. He’d been caught under the light of the North Carolinian pines, looking at her with that dopey smile. And now here he was again, not angry, not moralising, not resentful, but honest and kind. So she let him hold her arms.

“Keep the 25k. Use it. Get yourself out of this shit hole. If you change your mind you know where to find me…I’m sorry Sofia, for not being the man you deserve. I tried, I really did–” Rafe paused taking a shuddering inhale of air, “I didn’t mean for this. I was looking forward to marrying you.”

Rafe didn’t even let the words hit her before he leaned forward bundling her up in a tight hug. Sofia’s first instinct was to refute it, but when she felt his arms envelope her, his scent fill her nose, she crumbled up against the wall of his chest and sobbed quietly.

Rafe broke away first, his body lowering to meet hers. He brushed away the hair that stuck to her brine coated cheeks, blue eyes flickering all across her face, as if he was committing it to memory. “If anything happens, you can call me yeah?”

Sofia’s eyebrows softened, knowing she wouldn’t need to. But she nodded anyways, more for his sake than her own.

“Bye Rafe,” she finally mustered, voice close to a whisper, before slipping out of his hold and heading to her car.

She didn’t hear him say anything else. Not a final one up. Or a biting dig to remind her she was the one in the wrong. He just stood where he was, watching her as she drove out of the parking lot, face almost solemn as if he was grieving.

She drove away, the sound of the tyres rolling across the backroad gravel, filling the silence. The heavy feeling in her chest lingered, just like it did the day he broke things off between them.

Sofia had more than just guilt and regret to deal with tonight, the sticky tendrils of heartache already wrapping around her throat, making it hard to breathe.

***

Rafe walked back to Barry, who’d remained in the same position as he left him: slouched against the hood of his truck, arms folded across his chest.

“You ready to go now?” He asked, in a bored drawl. But if he was so bored, why didn’t he wait in the truck?

Rafe nodded, maintaining a stoic expression.

The two left the strip club parking lot completely silent, the extent of what he lost dawning on Rafe as they reached Kildare, thirty minutes later.

“What am I supposed to do Barry?” Rafe finally said, the first word spoken in the stifling truck.

“You move on.”

“But she needs my help.”

Barry let out a soft inhale of breath. Was it a scoff? Or was it a sigh? Rafe didn’t know, but when Barry finally answered, his was expression unreadable. “She doesn’t trust you anymore, man. So you either wait it out or move on.”

“I can wait.” If there was any possibility he could have her again, he’d hold on to it. Rafe Cameron was nothing if not insistent.

Barry cocked his head, “for her to trust you again?”

“Yeah– what? You think she won’t.”

“I’m surprised she ever did in the first place. I think she’s learned her lesson.”

Rafe laughed sardonically. “Like you did? You keep taking me back.”

Barry considered him for long while, glancing over at Rafe in the shadowy truck, “yeah well I’m hopin’ she makes better choices than me now.”

Rafe scrunched his nose, a heady mix of rage and shame pooling in his stomach. “Whatever. I’m trying to be better man. I love her. And I know it’s real because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. It’s different with Sofia.”

“Different how?”

“She lets me be the better version of myself. It doesn’t hurt with her.”

“Like it hurts with me?”

“No. Not you.” The answer was quick on his tongue.

Barry sighed, his hands tightening on the wheel, “y’know why I’m tellin’ you to leave her alone? It’s because you may not be hurtin’ but she is.”

“Why do you care so much?”

Barry considered his questions for moment. “She was nice to me, she didn’t have to be, but she was.”

“She’s nice to everyone.”

“So why do you think you’re special?” Barry gave him sidelong glance. He wasn’t mean or bitter or cruel. He spoke plainly, as if it was just a regular question.

Rafe was silent at it. Fuck Barry and his esoteric quips.

“She’d hurt less if she was with me. I can take care of her.”

“You can barely take care of yourself dawg.”

“Whatever Barry. As if you’re so perfect. I may not be the best person on earth but I’m not the worst either, okay? I get shit done. I take care of things. I’ll take care of her.”

“She’s not one of your things.”

“Stop fucking twisting my words.”

“I’m just sayin’ what I’m hearin’ and seein’…you clearly care for her, I’m not disputing that. I don’t know man. I just feel bad for her.”

Rafe stirred with guilt. The notion that she was in that place because of him slammed right into his chest. What would she be doing if he hadn’t fucked her at his party two summers ago? Would she be in college, like she dreamed about? Or would she have found another job somewhere on Kildare? Would she at least be happy? Rafe recalled the bubbly, bright girl, with her cute little bangs and glittering hazel eyes, who couldn’t stop smiling up at him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. His heart twisted, convulsing inside his chest with a sharp potent pain.

Barry had pulled up into his driveway, stopping the car outside his house.

“So you’re gonna wait for her then?” He remarked, turning to face him, features lit up by the motion sensor lights of Rafe’s courtyard.

“Yeah. I’ll wait.”

“Well good luck country club. I’ll see you around.”

Rafe left his truck, Barry quickly reversing down the driveway, leaving Rafe standing alone outside his house.

When he’d go inside he’d be alone too. He wouldn’t stumble over her trainers in the doorway, there would be no leftovers from her dinner on stove, the hallway light wouldn’t be left on (because she didn’t want him to trip up in the dark).

And when he’d crawl into bed, the sheets would be cold. He’d reach out and graze nothing but air. And soon enough, the faint, lingering smell of her shampoo would fade from the pillows too.

Rafe didn’t believe in god, but he knew that Sofia did. He looked up at the night sky, littered with stars and puffs of grey cloud, and whispered quietly under his breath.

“Please let Sofia be okay. Please let her find her way back to me.”

It was the first time he’d prayed in a long while. The whole thing felt like such a cop out. Saying words instead of actually getting up and doing shit? But if Sofia wasn’t going to accept his help, listen to him when he finally needed her to, then this was the least he could do.

“Please make it all be okay again.”

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

does anyone else get disproportionately stressed out by being given a book they already own. it's like... objectively not a big deal! i can give it away! but also somebody thought of me, and spent money on me, and i cannot benefit from the thing they have given me (even though they objectively got something right because it interests me enough to have bought it already) so i feel both ungrateful and also a little sad that i do not get a new book (and then feel guilty for being sad because i was not, like, entitled to a new book) and oh no those are bad emotions and a gift should be good emotions, help

[pepprs]

mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol

[newtonsheffield]

Could we maybe… possibly get a snippet of Kate using the card for the first time and everyone calling her Mrs Bridgerton when she in fact is very much not Mrs Bridgerton… yet anyway

The thing is, growing up the Sharma’s were fairly wealthy. Mary’s a huge musician and even that pales in comparison to the way the Bridgertons are living their life.

But I think the first time Kate uses the card she feels kind of nervous, awkward about spending someone else’s money, and she probably only does it because she’s out to lunch with Daphne, Edwina and Sophie and she batted away everyone’s hands when they went to pay and in the hustle of it all she gave them the wrong card. It’s probably only when the server returns the card, the balance already paid that she realises she’s used the wrong card.

“Shit.” Kate sighed, putting the card back with her others.

“Everything alright?” Daphne’s brow furrowed, “I’m happy to split the-”

“It’s fine I just… gave them Anthony’s card. Well, my card, that’s part of Anthony’s… account.” Kate shrugged, “It’s fine, I’ll pay him back.”

“Anthony gave you a credit card?”

Sophie rolled her eyes at Edwina, “Are we surprised? He goes big, you know what he’s got her for her birthday.” She glanced at Daphne, “No offence, obviously.”

Kate’s heart stuttered, remembering the way he’d minimised what looked suspiciously like the Aston Martin website the other day when she’d walked into the living room and his tone on the phone had changed, “What’s he got me for my birthday?”

Daphne ignored Kate shrugging, “No offence taken.” She turned to Kate, “Anthony won’t even notice the charge and you basically live together. It’s not that surprising. Plus, he loves collecting the rewards points for some reason. I think it feels like a game for him from what I can tell.”

Kate shrugged, “It just… feels weird. I’ll pay him back.”

“Good luck with that.” Daphne shrugged, collecting her bag, “Now, we need to brainstorm what the hell I’m going to get Simon for his birthday. I can’t get him another watch because I can’t fucking stand the clicking from all of his stupid… automatic watch winders. Thirty is too many. No one needs to be that aware of the time.”

Kate felt guilty when she got back to Anthony’s as well, Edwina behind her, hiding the bag behind her a little awkwardly. She’d meant to use the card that time, with every intention of paying him back for the frivolous pair of boots in the bag behind her. She found Anthony already home, his slippers on as he geared up to watch the Formula One practice, Newton on the sofa beside him, belly up.

He smiled at her when she bent to kiss the top of his head, “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah, Daphne found Simon’s birthday present so a successful trip.”

He peered round her at the bag, “What did you get?”

Kate swallowed, “Okay, so I bought boots but I’ll pay you back and I’m not even sure I’ll keep them.”

Anthony blinked, “You don’t like them?”

“I love them.”

“Why would you take them back then?”

“Because they were a little expensive and… I don’t really need them? And I also bought lunch but that was an accident and like I said I’ll pay you back.”

Anthony shrugged, “Don’t worry about it.” He kissed her gently, “I’m glad you had fun. I was thinking about ordering takeaway do you want something?”

“Um… yeah?”

Anthony stood from the sofa, kissing her again, “I’ll get the menu.”

Kate stared after him as he disappeared into the kitchen, bewildered, “Don’t you even care how much money I spent?”

“Not really.”

Kate kept gaping after him and Edwina muttered, “You have a sugar daddy.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “He’s not my sugar daddy.”

“You spent… a lot of money today and he didn’t notice! He didn’t even care! And I know what he’s ordered for your birthday.”

Kate groaned, “Is it bad?”

“It’s… a wild gift for a birthday together.”

“Worse than Benedict taking Sophie to Switzerland?”

“Oh way worse.”

“Fuck.”

[astercontrol]

Listen, your not gonna financially hurt Mr Morbin' Time by not seeing Ares. He's already received all the money he's ever getting out of the project. The only thing it's going to accomplish is putting the series on ice again.

...i think there has been some sort of misunderstanding about my reasons for not going to see Ares in theaters

there are many, but very few of them are even slightly related to anything in this ask

this is all my own personal take and YMMV of course, but it's gonna get long and controversial so here's a cut, you've been warned

- i have not seen a movie in theaters since before COVID

- the reason i haven't is mainly because relationships changed a lot during COVID and I stopped living with the person in my life who liked going to movies and bringing other people along

- if I had not been with that person I might have never seen a movie in theaters since the 90s or early 00s

- i don't actually like very many movies, and I definitely don't like seeing them in theaters. Theaters are like the absolute worst place to watch a movie in my personal opinion. I've talked about this before. I've only ever gone because someone dragged me along

- i also do not subscribe to any streaming service. I can still access Netflix because a former roommate from years ago still lets me use his account and Netflix has not yet decided to put a stop to that. I have Amazon Prime despite not having paid for it in years, because i had it as a "family member" of my ex-spouse who had a student account while finishing up college, and Amazon apparently somehow failed to grasp the concept of either divorce or graduation. If either of those corporations got on the ball and stopped my leeching, I would not care enough to do anything.

- I basically only watch movies and shows if 1. someone else shares a copy with me, or 2. I buy a secondhand DVD

- i got into Tron because of fanfic. I bought two secondhand DVDs (82 and Legacy). I paid to watch Uprising on Amazon Prime and I still feel guilty about that, because it gave some money to Disney (not to mention Amazon)

- If I were making an actual choice to boycott Disney movies it wouldn't be to hurt any of the actors or anyone who actually worked on the movie, god, a lot of them barely even get paid at all. It would be to hurt the corporation

- the corporation and its shitty treatment of employees and its evil political lobbies do more harm with the money they get than JKR ever does, and you're probably fine with people not giving her money

- I want her to put her series on ice. And I also want Disney to put pretty much everything it does on ice (and no i don't mean Disney On Ice dammit). I'd rather Disney as a corporation didn't exist.

- I love the 1982 movie, despite feeling guilty about loving something made by Disney. I kinda sorta liked things about Legacy and Uprising. There will probably be things I like about this movie too, which I will find out gradually through gifs shared by my friends I guess

- But as far as I'm concerned i only ever really want fanworks of this property. I do not care if any more officially licensed Tron material is made at all, ever.

- it probably will be. Because Disney is huge and I am small and currently this movie looks like it's gonna do big numbers. But those numbers will be minus me, because i quite simply do not care enough

- and if there is new Tron canon later, i will treat it with the same extremely cautious curiosity I might have for new works by a popular big-name fan whose stuff I rarely like.

[tianhai03]

What's the worst take you've seen somebody make about Dante and Leon?

oh boy. i saw this ask at work but i waited until i got home to answer it let's see how long this answer is (will be putting it under a cut because its going to be Very Long)

for dante. the worst take ive seen of him is definitely "he's not depressed because he doesnt look depressed". thats just. a really fucking bad take. because youre implying that people have to be openly gloomy and sad and suicidal or whatever to be considered depressed. if you just cared about dante and looked closer at the things he does you'll very quickly realize that dante is not well. and that's fine! hes been through a lot of things! everyone has flaws! hes trying his best to be better and i appreciate him!! you should too instead of expecting him to be upbeat and energetic all the time!!! i dont even know how people have this take.

another one for him that i really dont like is. people thinking he's always broke bc he wastes his money on buying alcohol, pizza and strawberry sundaes. that is just factually wrong. in the dmc1 novel, he works with a guy named grue who had 3 daughters. a bunch of stuff happens, and grue and his oldest daughter ends up getting killed, and dante feels responsible for it. because of that, every time he gets paid from any job, he takes the bare minimum amount of money he needs to keep things running for himself(like paying rent and stuff) and he donates the rest to grue's two surviving daughters. THAT'S the reason why he never has any money, because despite grue and his daughter's deaths happening like over 20 years ago now, he STILL feels guilty abt it even though it wasnt really his fault. so ppl joking abt him being broke is kinda.. yknow.

anyways onto leon! im tired of people either treating him like a uwu submissive bottom twink who's very dumb and innocent or a dom daddy who spits in your mouth and calls you a slut. we've had so many games and external media like the movies STARRING LEON AS THE MAIN CHARACTER WHERE WE GET TO SEE HIM SO MUCH AND YET. PEOPLE KEEP MISCHARACTERIZING HIM. leon cant even be fucking considered a twink i dont know why people keep calling him that. i know this is like a very different kind of take compared to the prev two i talked abt for dante but this is the number 1 thing that always annoys me when i see ppl talk abt leon. PLEASE stop watching the tiktoks ppl are making of him and assume you know how he is just from that im on my knees begging

i think people just need to actually put the time and effort into learning about a character before they say shit and act like theyre 100% right abt a character. most of the bad takes abt them couldve just. never been a thing if ppl actually Looked at their personality and actions closer. idk

[tenebrius-excellium]

I don't know if this is a correct™ opinion to have on the world but I see people keep on saying that you do not need to forgive those who wronged you in 2024 and I'm so amazed like. Then how exactly do you plan on making the world a better place if forgiveness is not ever an option for you? Like, if you're completely, 100% opposed to giving the worst people you know a fresh start (especially if they have changed), how can you expect others to give you a fresh start when you fuck up?? Not if. When. If you don't think you could be capable of doing something unforgivable, you're likely already doing it. How are you holier? How are you all high and mighty to judge? Everybody goes through shit. Something something if a wildly gracious justice system can exempt a certain group of people from getting grace because "they should definitely pay gruesomely", beware that that group of people, based on the current tastes in politics, is not someday you.

What I'm trying to get at is this difference, though: I, too, know the outrageous, mind-boggling and completely uncalled for pattern of someone doing something cruel to me (sometimes over the span of years) and people being so fast to tell me that "you need to forgive".

No. Because it's not that easy either. They are NOT getting away with it. They did what they did, and they're guilty, and it was wrong, and it hurt, and it stole so much, and it came at a terrible cost to my life and to my loved ones.

People who tell me to forgive haven't allowed me to be angry yet. And that is something crucial that is often forgotten or passed over.

Let me tell you that anger is unskippable. Anger is unskippable. Anger is unskippable. Anger is the healthy part that defends you against the injustice done to you. Anger is what keeps resentment internalized forever if it is not expressed. And I see it especially in Christian circles that anger is frowned upon as an emotion because you're supposed to be always uplifting, always helpful, always kind.

That is suppressing another kind of biblical principle though which tells us that we should be angry at all kinds of injustice. If it's done to us, anger is a phase in our response that we need to give space to if we want to process the rehabilitation stage properly. People keep telling me to forgive. I often thought to myself 'honey, I haven't even started getting angry.' I'm not there yet. By now, I tell people. "I'm still in the anger stage, and I'm going to stay there for as long as I feel the need to." I enjoy it. I savor it. It's a way of loving myself. It's important that I give this to myself. It's not about doing damage back. It's expressing angry feelings verbally until I am heard.

Once you're heard - by other people, by God, by yourself - only then can you take responsibility for it and let go. It's important you get there, but it's important to not be alone in it. Everybody deserves to be heard. Everybody deserves to be compensated for their loss, and in Christianity, we actually have that in Christ as well. Jesus paid the price, Jesus compensates for what was done to us. THIS is how we let go. By knowing that Jesus knows, Jesus heard, Jesus is going to personally get us reimbursed for all the time, health, relationships, skills, money, and peace we suffered the loss from. One-upping this is believing that it will happen in this life. Preaching to myself here, because I, too, am not free of judgment yet. Yes, forgive, but never skip anger. Take responsibility for your life and let go. Let the reason things stay sour in the world never be because of you. A good friend of mine keeps saying "there needs to be blood for this." And then he goes on smiling and continues "just let it be Jesus' blood and not your enemy's." Somebody else paid. It's all good. It required the full tour. Prison, a beating, a public mocking, a satisfying criminal's death. There are options to be rightfully angry and to accuse someone of wrong, to demand, to insist on justice. But then, if someone else stepped in to pay their price, who are we to deny someone redemption?

Anyway, that's just what I believe.

[spxcemuses]

@countlessrealities asked: Ö ?

[ a character I’d consider rping. ] | Always Accepting

The silence in the office was thick and lingering, very much like the cigar smoke that hung around Sykes like a smoggy cloud. He had invited one of his debtors in to pay off the money that was owed, only to realize that they did not have it. They seemed to stutter excuses, saying that they'll pay it back... and the loan shark wasn't having any of it. His patience was wearing thin the more they talked on and on.

" So you're telling me you don't have the money. Is that right? Hm. "

His tone is derisive in nature as he hums flatly, almost as if considering something. He lets out a low and raspy chuckle before sitting up in his seat and leaning on the desk, both of his massive hands rested upon it. He gives the debtor a cold glare, the ominous nature of it making them feel uneasy. The two large Dobermans that laid near Sykes's desk didn't help the situation, either. He sighs like a disappointed father, putting up a sort of act to make the debtor feel guilty.

" That is just too bad. You made a grave mistake, not understanding the severity of all this. Of the... consequences that happen to those that don't pay me. "

Sykes pauses a moment, shifting back a bit to take a large drag from the cigar in his mouth. The smoke billows out as he sighs heavily, listening to the debtor as they try to reason with him. It wasn't helpful, though; the man has heard countless excuses from countless others. He slowly raises his hand to snap his fingers, and the Dobermans catch on quickly, circling the debtor around like sharks with low growls as they await their master's orders.

" Do you know what happens when I'm not paid back in full, yeah? When I don't see what you owe me? Here, how about I show you. "

The sharp snap is a nonverbal command to the Dobermans and they lunge forward, intending to rip and tear the poor debtor into shreds with their sharp teeth. The debtor cries out in mercy and panic while struggling to not get bit, their pleas and promises falling on deaf ears. Sykes watches the struggle with an indifferent attitude and a small smirk on his face, thinking of this as some sort of twisted entertainment as he lets it prolong for a few moments longer.

He then snaps his fingers again, the Dobermans backing away with tense movements, eyes still fixated on the target. He wasn't planning to outright kill the debtor yet, but wanted to injure them enough for them to get the message. The debtor pants heavily, clearly hurt and clothes somewhat tattered as they drag themselves off the floor. Sykes takes one last drag of his current cigar before snuffing it into an ashtray on his desk, his voice menacing.

" That was just a taste of what will happen if you don't pay up. This will be your final warning. You have three days. Three. Not a moment later. Now get outta here... before Roscoe and DeSoto here chase you down as their next meal. "

[puff-mmd]

6/17/23

ok well, first just wipe your brain of everything i've ever said about orobas tbh

he's not a prince anymore, he's an incubus and has a job now (he works at the same strip club as charon)

like i just figured fuck it, he wants to be a whore so bad let him have it. i could never see him doing anything even remotely related to leadership, so that role is just gone anyways. if fucking is his most consistent trait, damn it all guess you do it for money now.

any interactions with humans are gone now too, instead it all takes place in hell. basically, there are demons that serve each of the seven sins, and different sins have a different rank in society. lust is one of the lower rankings, consisting of you guessed it, charon and orobas (who are both incubi - succubi and incubi are the demons that serve the sin of lust).

he also has gained a sister, and im throwing around the name avalir for her. she's a succubus, but she hates sex - there's no way she could work the job orobas does. i've been thinking about the idea of him having a sibling for a while (i know, and after you said the thing about siblings - but hey, im not throwing him in kaisei's story lol).

she's kinda interesting, probably does something more indirectly to serve her sin. i pulled up an old yuna model (which look nothing like the design i want to make for her now) and im just like yeah she kinda fits the bill.

being of lower ranking, they're often used and looked down on. orobas hates it, he's still a bit stubborn and doesn't like being treated as a lesser demon just because of his sin, but he doesn't do much about it.

that is, until something forces him to care about how they're treated.

something like his sister being killed.

i know, the sibling death thing is overdone, but he actually seems to care about his sister a lot, and losing her makes him angry enough to do something so for now i'll run with it.

i was also thinking about how it would have happened - orobas still blames himself even though *technically* it wasn't his fault. he wasn't there to help her, and he feels guilty about it.

basically i'm taking the revenge plotline and giving it to him.

he's leaving work late, he had stayed to help charon close up (he promised beforehand and he doesn't go back on a promise), but on his way home, he finds avalir sitting on the side of the street with a few guys standing over her. as he gets closer he can smell blood, and just, he doesn't really think other than connecting that these guys have hurt her.

he ends up hurting them badly, but they get away.

i can see him falling to his knees and holding his sister, trying to call charon for help, but by the time he shows up it's too late.

like, seeing orobas show emotion like this is very new, and i think it sucks for him to lose his sister, but as a character it's a motivator for him to actually use those fangs and claws of his to get back at the people who killed her.

and hey, maybe she doesn't even end up dead, but very hurt - he'd still be out for blood of the demons that dared to put a hand to his sister.

it also opens up a "why" she was targeted - simply because they knew she was a succubus, tried to get some, and she rejected it?

are there other reasons why she was sought out in paticular and could they also relate to orobas?

i don't know yet!

but i actually want to think about him and his story and know why so that's better than mostly anything i've come up with for him before!

and i wanted to change his name but at this point he's kinda married to it. i can't unsee it, and now his whorobas nickname fits.

because he literally is one, he gets paid to fuck just as he's intended this whole time lol.

[flightlesscupid09]

51-100

51. What's your favorite family tradition?

Well this seems to be like one of the previous questions, but. When my grandparents moved from St. Petersburg to Crystal River, Florida it was right before Christmas. Christmas Eve rolls around and they realize they didn't have anything for dinner and went to go to the grocery store, not open. All the restaurants were closed except a Chinese place. So, they ordered Chinese food and sat on the floor of their new house and ate. Ever since then we have had Chinese food on Christmas Eve. It's a nice tradition because it really shows that it doesn't matter the food, or if you have a fancy table, it's the people that matter.

52. What do you regret not doing when you were younger?

I want to say spending more time with my grandparents while I had them...but I spent every moment I could with them as it was. So, nothing. Otherwise I did everything I wanted.

After writing the next answer about the stage hands. Yes actually. I wish I would have held on to my guitar as I normally did before a gig instead of letting the stage hand tell me that they needed to put them back stage (IN THE SUN) which ended up making the strings overheated and out of tune costing us a record deal!!

53. Have you had your 15 minutes of fame yet?

I would say no. Touring around FL playing in a band was great but that was small time and no record deal (thank you stage hands for that).

I feel like I'm just getting started with the fame.

54. If you could have any celebrity be your friend, who would you pick?

I can't think of one off the top of my head because I don't care about celebrities. My only other options were Obama, Bernie Sanders, Mitt Romney, or Gary Johnson. After question 59 my mind was like, it would be kind of cool to meet Tyler The Creator, he seems like a funny dude.

55. What's the first concert you ever went to?

Luke Combs. Unless you're talking small time, and not mine, then it was some random band my friend wanted to go to in Lake City, Florida.

56. Would you rather be the star player on a losing football team or ride the bench in a winning one?

Star player. The reason they are usually the star is because they don't give up. They keep pressing on even when their team hasn't been doing well.

57. What was the first thing you remember buying with your own money?

Honestly that album Have A Nice Day by Bon Jovi.

58. What's the most illegal thing you've done?

Speeding.

59. Which famous person have you met?

Gary Vaynerchuk. 🖐️

60. If you could only keep three things from your home, what would you pick and why?

This is my forte as I am a minimalist at heart.

Passport (10TB hard drive) has all our memories on it.

Computer for business and playing games sometimes with friends.

Acoustic guitar, gotta have music.

61. Who's the worst boss you've ever had and why?

The guy that owned Rexall. He didn't pay his other employees and lied to me telling me it was a malfunction with the payment company. Then lied to me about how much I was going to get paid till I fixed the restaurant side of his business, then let his son come in and mess everything up (and the son, Zach, tried to intimidate me with a gun). Then I quit and his business collapsed and went out of business.

62. Would you rather be proposed to in private or in front of family and friends?

Family and friends lol. Being a guy it would just be funny as heck.

63. What's the biggest purchase you ever made?

Buying all the rental units I did here in Freeport.

64. What's one thing you did that you wish you could go back and undo?

Nothing honestly. I learned things each time I did them. Not to mention, if I changed anything I may never be where I'm at, and where I'm at is very very nice.

65. What's your guilty pleasure?

Eating ice cream and watching TV. Haven't done it in like 6 months though. 😎

66. If you could go back in time, what one thing would you tell your teenage self?

Wow, I'm not sure. I had depression as a teenager, but I'm not sure what I could have said to just make that go away. Telling myself the date my grandfather was going to pass wouldn't have made it any easier, in fact I might have developed severe anxiety due to it. I don't think I would have told him anything.

67. What's one of your pet peeves?

It absolutely drives me up the wall when people loud chew, or when people don't cover their mouths when they sneeze/cough. I'll even tell people's kids to do it if they don't.

68. Would you rather win the lottery or live twice as long?

Twice as long, no question about it. UNLESS I was going to be experimented on because of living so long, then lottery.

69. What was your first job?

Carpenter with my grandfather.

70. What are you most worried about with the next generation?

Screens hurting their brains. There's been A LOT of research showing depression, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, and more on the uptick as kids use them and social media more and more.

71. Which season fits your personality?

Fits my personality would be Spring. I'm always about new beginnings and new growth. Always working on yourself and the relationships in your life.

72. If you could switch places with one of your friends for a day, who would it be?

Not sure. Not in any type of way, but I don't envy any of my friends. I have an awesome life, with a fantastic looking spouse, an awesome vehicle, absolutely awesome kids, a great dog, and my own business that is making money. I'm genuinely lucky beyond words.

73. What's something you will NEVER do again?

Be dishonest or lie. It never works, and the truth always comes out.

74. Would you rather end the life of one human or 100 puppies and kittens?

Oof this is a hard one. If it was a good human, or a baby I could raise to be great, the animals. If it was a bad human, the human.

75. Who had the most influence on you growing up?

My grandparents, more specifically my grandfather. He taught me how to be compassionate, caring, and loving. To weigh the good with the bad and then make a choice you can live with.

76. What were the three biggest turning points in your life?

Becoming a father for the first time. I changed a lot then and the year following.

06/20/2020 I fell and damaged my back due to someone's negligence. Forever changed my life.

August of I think 2022. I took a trip that changed my life for the better and really gave me some clarity in life.

77. If you could have any fictional character as your friend, who would you choose and why?

Merlin from The Sword In the Stone. Just what came to the top of my head. He was always rooting Arthur on and doing so in a charismatic and funny way.

78. If you could compete in the Olympics, which sport would you choose?

If I was good? Swimming. To be that fast in the water would be cool.

As I am? I could try my hand in discus throw or long jump.

79. What is your worst habit?

Trying to get too much done.

80. Would you rather experience the beginning of planet earth, or the end of planet earth?

If I could be alive long enough for it, the beginning would be neat. The big bang (or whatever started it since that's beginning to be disproven) would happen and all this hot matter would go swirling through the cosmos, slowly swirling into a ball of magma. Then there would be the collision that caused the moon to form, finally giving us the earth we know and love.

If I wasn't granted this millions of years long life, the end. I can only imagine that it'll be blown to bits by either an asteroid or humans..

81. Who's someone you really admire?

My wife Kayla. She truly is someone that is so great. She's so good with the kids. She may lose her temper sometimes with them, but 99% of the time she's so patient with them. She indulges their child tendencies and wants. She thinks about everyone in our family any time she's out and remembers the things they like or have been looking for. She's thoughtful and caring. Just incredible.

82. What are the top three things on your bucket list?

Hold some form of office.

Go to space.

Live in Sweden, at least part time.

83. What was the last foreign country you visited?

Haven't left the U.S.

84. If you could arm wrestle any historical figure, who would you choose and why?

Abraham Lincoln. Why? Because I couldn't come up with anyone realistic for an hour.

85. What have you bought that you love so much you would happily buy it again?

My rentals. They've helped out so much in the past monetarily while also allowing me to really help people.

86. Would you rather date someone you love or date someone who loves you?

Date someone who loves me. Me loving someone and dating them, they could be iffy about the amount of effort they put in. Whereas I know I would put in effort even if I didn't love someone yet, and they theoretically would put effort because they love me.

87. What important truth do very few people agree with you on?

I...don't even know what that means.

88. What chance encounter changed your life forever?

Cici's Pizza June 20th, 2020. Met a good-for-nothing owner, who lied through his teeth to try and get out of his consequences.

89. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Night person easily (as I'm writing this at 1:22 in the morning). But I wish I was a morning person.

90. If you could pick up a skill instantly, what would it be?

Focus. I genuinely could be unstoppable if I had laser focus.

91. What's your dream car?

I don't really have one. I am a utilitarian type of person, it's whatever suits me and my needs at the moment.

92. Would you rather win a Grammy or an Oscar?

Possibly an Oscar. 🤷

93. What was your favorite subject at school?

Chemistry. I've been thinking of buying a textbook and working on relearning it.

94. If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

I quite like my name, but I always thought the name Benjamin was neat.

95. What's your dream job if money didn't matter?

President, forever hahaha. I think with the way I'm always trying to find solutions and I like working with a team, as well as, I am quite good in leadership positions...I could do a lot of real good.

96. If you could never work again, how would you spend your time?

I would travel the world. Venture into the deepest forests, climb the tallest mountains. Build tiny houses in said places so I always have a nice relaxing place to hang my hat.

97. What state or country do you never want to go back to?

I don't think I should say with what I'm aspiring to be.

98. Would you rather live in an apartment in the city or a mansion in the country?

Considering I've never lived in a city, I think it would be quite nice to try.

99. What's a skill you learned when you were young that you still use today?

How to change a light switch.

100. What do you believe in despite having no proof of it?

Nothing really, I'm a very proof driven person.

That wasn't so hard.

[yanawildstar]

SEX AND FEELINGS

A man can have sex with a lady and still don't have any feelings for her, most men only need space to have sex but majority of women need reason to have sex.

90% of woman cannot have sex without feelings, a man can travel for eight hours just to have sex with a female and yet, not love her or even have any feelings for her.

Sex makes men act as if they are in love while they are not!! What they feel is lust, what they feel is what they see which is curves and a huge behind, go through a lady's silky skin thigh for a 5 minutes or less, ejaculate and forget.

The eight hours travel sacrifice, gifts bought, hotel paid for and other expenses may seem to be coming from true love but they were all in the sacrifice for sex and nothing more.

The foolish thing is this, the majority of women would jump up inside them and conclude that this is the art of true love. So many woman are bought and blinded by materialistic things, yet miss the small little gestures that money cannot buy.

Sex is not an act of commitment. So many Men and women still leave their partners on their beds and start thinking of the next woman or man to sleep with. The satisfaction that comes from sex dies in minutes.

It is in the nature of Lions to go miles to hunt. The same with men. A man who can afford the expenses of flying from the UK to Kenya for sex would do it as if he would never turn to another woman for sex.

Sex drives men to do what seems like the impossible and such turns women around and they start acting weird. Sex and love are not on the same page even in the dictionary.

People can abandon their gold mines and dig the grave for sex. Most young men do terrible things just to have the resources to keep many girls in their life.

You may think they are working hard to live well in the future but they are just living for fun and that is all. Students are now living together like husbands and wives, and our society calls it love. What kind of people do these students become when they leave school?

This is why we have a lot of frustrated graduates than nation-building graduates.

Today, a 16-year-old girl is already into sex. She wants to wear everything on trend. She is already a prostitute in the sense that any man that comes her way for relationship must show some signs of money and she would respond to him.

The funny thing is this, almost all those girls that have become sex symbols end up in a deep mess. How many of them today is changing the world they are into? What kind of spirit would they do well within life? They have sold their souls out to sex. They pride on what they wear and hotels they go to. That is their biggest achievement. The girls they called cowards are setting up economic empires. Their future is already exhausted when they come to their true senses?

Advice to my beloved brothers and sisters:

For men; never allow your erection today to destroy your future directions, stay positive.

My sisters, all that glitters is not gold, make your future bright and it start today.

I am not posting this to make anyone guilty or stand as a judge, but just stating nothing but the truth.

[retiredteabag]

Dog-sitter!Toji - chapter 4

last chapter - next chapter - series masterlist

Synopsis: Toji was quite accustomed to objectifying himself for a check. And to be frank, far worse actions as well. Now he’s not sure what to do with himself after meeting the kind and generous owner of the dog he pet-sits for.

read along as Toji grows more comfortable around you despite his past.

It could be argued that where one places their identity is what keeps one grounded in themselves. And when one's identity is threatened, then, and only then, can you see what a person is at their barest, most vulnerable form.

Toji doesn't like feeling vulnerable. In fact, there might not be anything he detests more.

After the incident with his hands, Toji would go on to swear his interest in you was transactional. I mean, how could he NOT want to know more about his employer?

He found himself thinking of you even when he wasn’t at the house, what were you doing? What kept your time so rapt? What did you think of him?

Toji would lay on his back, the couch in his apartment had been a popular spot since Tuesday. He hadn't seen you or your dog since the night you let him go. Pet him with a feather-light touch and sent him away.

Toji would stare at the ceiling, You had taken off less work when you had become ill...

Despite his lack of work and true to your word, you had paid Toji double for that night. He would never complain about more money but he couldn't get the thought of you out of his mind.

He found himself waking from dreams of a soft voice and a gentle hand, he tried to recall every moment of the previous night in excruciating detail. Everything about it,

Your face when you reprimanded the veterinary staff, your voice when you told him everything would be okay, the way you had gently stroked at his hand when you wiped the blood from his palms. The way you had whispered...

"I'm sorry, was it too much?"

Toji drags his hands across his face.

"Yeah." He had said.

He stared at the hands you had put so much care into, so grimy, guilty of such sin.

He kept your towel, by the way, It lay on his bedside table.

With every passing day Toji craved to return to your presence once again. He wanted to peel back your layers and see what you looked like at your core. You had been so shy with him, yet, so ready to stand for what you wanted.

This difference was stark. When the pair of you had met, you had been barely awake, and badly ill. Clad in baggy pajamas. He had thought of you as ill-prepared, silly and frumpy. When you reconnected the other day, your blouse had clung to you, he recalls watching your back tense as you spoke with the hospital staff.

He wanted to see more.

Toji felt a strange need to wait before responding to your eventual text, but he couldn't find a good reason to.

| "Mr. Fushiguro, are you healing well? The dog and I have been staying home and taking it easy, I hope the same is true of you. I wanted to reiterate how sorry I am that you had to go through all this, and thank you for protecting my boy. When you get the chance, please allow for me to pay for the cleaning bill on your car, additionally, I would love to treat you in some way, please let me know your favorite place to eat."

Toji began typing only to delete his words and try to rephrase.

| It wasn't a serious injury to begin with. Don't apologize again. Are you taking me out?

He hit the backspace...

| ...to eat?

Toji knew that's not what you had meant. But he couldn't help but wish to see you again. Speak to you. Watch you. Learn you.

He witnessed as an ellipsis appeared at the bottom of the screen and vanished. He reread his message, had he been too forward?

Eventually, you responded.

| It was serious, you were hurt, and I AM sorry that it happened to you while you were taking care of my dog. I cannot express how grateful I am. You are a hero.

Toji choked out a laugh at the word you used. He pushed himself up onto his elbow, smooshing a couch cushion in the process. He did not respond, awaiting your answer to the question he cared about.

You replied to his text,

| Is that what you would prefer?

and then,

| I wouldn't want to take up your time.

| I never do things I don't want to do.

His response was quick, he didn't have to think.

Again, you typed for some time before,

| Oh, well if that's what you'd like.

A date was set.

--

Toji had insisted that you pick a place to eat.

The few days before your meeting you felt sort of panicked. Anxiety was a norm for you. You had always had quite the... sense of urgency, one would say. Your desk was pristine, your calendar forever in order, your work was always completed early, and well.

That was why your first meeting with Mr. Fushiguro had shook you so badly. You hated for people to see you as anything short of perfect, you hated to be venerable.

This anxiety was always the double-edged sword it sounded to be, success clung to you in the way you needed it to. However, it had become an integral part of your identity, and now, you could not go without. The dread, the disappointment, the hurt that surrounded you when you did not succeed was like nothing your peers could understand.

You were never proud of your success, just relived.

You needed to prepare for this lunch. It consumed your thoughts as you turned in your final report for the day and went to sit with the dog. Questions had arisen within your mind when Mr. Fushiguro had sent his text.

| Are you taking me out to eat?

"I never do things I don't want to do" he had said.

Thoughts of "why does he want to meet in person" prevailed. He was good at his job. Your dog had never been so easy-going. He could be left alone for longer, he had more energy to play, he drank more, and he had started fearing the delivery man less.

He deserved every cent you gave him, but maybe he was looking for a little more. That could be worked out, you supposed. Actually, you realized, maybe he's looking for a referral?

That would make sense, maybe he wants to get in contact with more people like you, lonely... workaholics with dogs that deserve better.

Your eyes met your pooches', and his innocent, loving gaze lit a fire of cuteness aggression within your soul. Grabbing his fluffy neck you shook him a little while smooching the top of his head.

You would be more than happy to make a list of people in the market for a dog sitter that are willing to pay a competitive rate so long as you write him a nice recommendation. The man had saved your boy at the detriment of his own health, it was truly the least you could do.

Before meeting, you prepared a list with names and numbers. You figured he would be pleased with your efforts, your impressive skill in finding him more clients.

A few days later you awkwardly played with your hands as you sat at the table of a nice brunch restaurant. You had sent the address as soon as he asked you to pick. You wanted to give him plenty of time to look online at the menu, prepare when to leave his place, and decide what he would like. (If only you knew how different this man was from you...)

Even with all your planning, you showed up early, you thought of what you would say when he arrived, how you would stand and shake his hand, thank him again, and try to put him at ease.

Unfortunately, nothing goes to plan when it comes to you and Mr. Fushiguro, and none of that happened.

In your time working with officials, presenting before boards of directors, and handling the communication between groups, you had learned how to read body language well, and even without yelling and obvious disruption, you could scan a room and tell when something was amiss.

The table you had selected was against the window, you faced away from the entryway, even so, just by looking at the guests around you, you could tell that something was transpiring at the front door of the restaurant. You turn,

"I'm sorry sir, our seating is for reservation only." The host was saying. Was saying in a antagonizing tone, was saying to a large man in slacks, a t-shirt, and zip up. Was saying to Mr. Fushiguro.

You stood quickly, the last thing you wanted was to upset the man, you began to speed walk in their direction.

"Yeah, I'believe I've got one of those." He looked up at the host, as if just seeing him for the first time.

The host nodded slowly, and breathed a sigh, the look he gave Mr. Fushiguro was nothing short of offensive, a slow up-and-down of his appearance before raising a brow, "This space has an implied dress code sir-" the host began

"Mr. Fushiguro!" You called before reaching the counter, "I'm so glad you could make it, it's an honor to see you again!" You rush out, quickly turning to the host before you could even make eye contact with your guest, "Excuse me, I believe we're done here."

"I- yes of course, ma'am." He did not offer to take you to your seats but you were glad to keep your eyes on the table as the burly man trailed behind you.

"I'm so sorry, I should have waited for you outside, that was my fault- they shouldn't have-"

"It's fine." He pulls his chair out and sits. Seemingly unaffected.

"If you'd rather eat somewhere else I would be happy to-" you begin.

"Nah. I don't care, lets order big."

You smile at his choice of words. Straight to the point.

It was odd, to not feel the need to maintain a constant stream of conversation. You knew what you would order, of course, but you played pretend as he looked.

"You always eat from places like this?"

Your eyes shot up, he was looking at you over the menu, "Huh? Oh, no... I usually just pack whatever, you know?" You smile and shrug at him.

"Hmm" His lips puckered out in a cute way, his eyes go to look to the side, "You prob'ly should... stuffs gotta be nice... no prices on here though." Shaking the menu, he looks to you.

You shift back to the tall piece of plastic in your grasp, "Ah.. no, just, just get whatever, it's on me, of course" You suck a breath through your teeth, "I must thank you, you know."

You try for laid back, easing the conversation into your gratitude.

"Yeah. I know. Y'don't gotta keep sayin' it. It was seriously nothin'. Just doin' my job." He waves a hand back-and-forth, emphasizing just how "nothin'" his efforts were.

"Mr. Fushiguro... please don't-" You wanted to smack your forehead against the table, but that wasn't appropriate, so you settled with avoiding his gaze.

"Toji, please." He held up a palm, stopping you.

"What? Oh... well, yes, please don't call it nothing, you saved my dogs life, and put yourself in danger too."

He rolls his eyes, and you want to gasp at his... nonchalance.

"Yeah, whatever." He might have gone on to say more, but a waitress had arrived and he pointed at you to order first.

You didn't want him to have to request anything from you, so when the wait staff had left you began your proposal.

"So, Mr. Fushiguro, I was thinking-"

"Toji." He seemed to look through you at that moment.

You look down, why must he be this way? "Toji... I was thinking," You meet his gaze again, a smile, "You're great at your job, I've never known my boy to be so relaxed, I figured you might be interested in the contact information of some of my co-workers. I would be more than happy to refer you if you were-"

As you continued speaking his eyebrows narrowed more and more until eventually, "Huh? I ain't lookin' to work for anyone else."

What? Well that made no sense... "Ah... you're not? I suppose I assumed incorrectly. Was there something else you wanted to discuss?"

"No?" He made a face as he swallowed a gulp of water, as if thinking of what you could possibly mean.

"No? Um... well If there is something I could do to accommodate you in any way, I would love to do it." You fiddle with your hands in your lap.

Why would he ask to meet you in person if not to request something?

"What'dya mean? I'm plenty accommodated now." He leans back in his seat, a wide breadth between his arms. "You think I wanted ya here to ask for somethin?" He squints at you.

"No, no! I just figured....." You staggered, "well, why else?" You smile at him, he looks incredulous.

"If I was gonna ask you for somethin' I woulda asked." He tilts his head upwards in an intimidating way.

His honesty had admirable, you'd give him that.

--

The food that afternoon had been good. Toji didn't get to learn much about you at all though. Your words racked his mind.

"Why else?" He would scoff that night at the thought. Why else? Well... why else? He didn't know either. He just wanted to see you again.

Toji never asked for anything, it was others that asked stuff of him, so your wide eyes, and indulgent smile stuck to his mind like scotch tape he couldn't remove.

Toji didn't realize- but he was hurting, because deep down, his identity was being threatened. For years he had been viewed as a sex symbol, a womanizer, a pleaser. Could it really be that you didn't want that from him?

Could it be true that you thought he wanted to meet...to ask for your co-workers contact info? Don't make him laugh. You couldn't have been more wrong. It hadn't even crossed his mind.

Why hadn't it though?

He wanted to know you but dammit he hadn't learned anything. You were breaking him down and he didn't know what to feel.

He was laying on his couch again, eyes pulled to the rickety ceiling fan. Your frantic attempt to preserve his feelings this morning brought a chuckle from him.

Damn you. What were you doing to him?

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

Tags: @sweetpo1son @scorpiosugar @starmapz @toruswrld @your-mum3000 @meow-satoru @animeblr @utarts @roxyyyyy1xx @lilming36 @scandibabeuh @atanasiaaaa @chouzuko @voronii @transsfish @h3llf4iry @lucrea @straewberrysoda @s4m4nth4wrld @storiesbyparadise @pokiona @neiostrike @breenatalle @uwolivia @gothic-fluffycow @luvvmae @justbelljust @voidshoutsback @chaotic-ish @jamzywiththejam28 @definitely-not-leena @kirawyd @kuro-chi69 @smoments @lukabwrry @esmedelacroix @professionalreblogger @yoongluverz @stainednailpolishremover @nappingmoon @lauretsy @noelssprings @bytgefirewbook

taglist is sadly now full! If you ever want to be taken off of the tag list please just let me know :] (if your name is here but you didn’t get tagged. I think it’s either bc your blog is new/blank/empty or you need to check your privacy settings)

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day (green tea.) Welcome to the weekend!

Wow! Here we are again: Friday! Where did that week go? No, seriously, where did that week go?

First of all, many thanks to everyone that got involved with Throwback Thursday on my page. Yesterday’s word was COMFORT and the responses were very interesting. My wonderful friend Cheri Class showed me a completely different perspective on the word. “Comfort to me has no relationship to luxury but the idea of feeling truly at ease with another human being; so many of my friends wrap me in the warmth of their understanding and love.” I can totally relate to that. There is nothing I can add to Cheri’s amazing words. I am so blessed to have luxurious friendships that truly make me feel comfortable.

Last week (and the week before), I talked about the fact that rich, high-profile criminals seem to always find a way of evading the law. Another week has passed and nothing has changed, nothing has happened. I don’t get it. What’s the delay? Ordinary people are getting banged-up for nothing and yet these smug, arrogant, rich criminals are still living the life. We’ve got one in the UK and one in the US, both as guilty as each other! When we see innocent people getting arrested for bus fare evasion (even though they paid) and pensioners getting punched for no reason, you wonder what kind of police force we’re paying for.

Why do bank people keep falling on their sword? Nigel Farage is not an MP or a leading businessman. He is just a TV personality. So what if his account got closed down? It happens to many. Could it be that he's making money from share prices collapsing? Would you be surprised? The stench of corruption in this country just keeps getting worse.

The Guardian headlines reads, “British Gas reports record £969m profit after price cap increase.” What’s wrong with this sentence? I’ll tell you what; it is nonsensical. When you put a ‘cap’ on something, you put a lid on it, you put a restriction on it to hold it down. You can’t have a ‘cap’ and an ‘increase’. They told us there was a ‘cap’ but there wasn’t! British Gas told us there was a ‘cap’, as if somebody was restricting or controlling them, but no one put any ‘cap’ on their greed. There was just an increase. It’s not a cost of living crisis, it’s a cost of greed crisis, and OFGEM do nothing about it!

Really hope you can join me tomorrow at 1.00 p.m. for ‘The A-Z Of Mi-Soul Music’: The Letter P (Pt. 2). My executive producer is the gorgeous Donna Green. Hopefully, she will have recovered from Suncebeat?

Have a fabulous and funky Friday! I love you all. You’re probably thinking, “You don’t even know me!” but, if people can hate for no reason, why can’t I love?

[surveysand]

twenty-two.

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? yes, especially if it's after i see a scary video or something even though i always have my door locked and live alone. Do you get any magazines in the mail? no. How many websites do you have an account for? way too many to even think about, lol. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? yes, i have quite a few.

Do you try clothes on before you buy them? no.

Have you seen The Blindside? no. What’s the best movie you’ve seen this year? i haven't seen any released this year. Do you know how to fire a gun? no. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? get my dog, a weapon, and call 911. Have you played the Sims 3, yet? no. What’s your favorite type of pizza? hawaiian, but with chicken in place of ham.

Do you have a favorite local pizza place? yes, but won't name it for privacy reasons. What are you afraid of? failure. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? yes. How do you let someone know that you like them? i'm taken, but even when i was single, i typically wouldn't. i would just be honest and say i liked someone if they said they liked me first. Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? no. Who’d you last see in a tux? some people i was graduating with. Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? i don't know who tim urban is. What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? i also don't know who jason castro is, lol. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? no. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? no, but i used to pronounce iron as "eye-wren". Would you rather take a shower or a bath? shower. How many times do you shower in a week? everyday. What brand’s your cell phone? apple. Have you ever sexted? yes.

How many contacts do you have? probably around 50. i clean out my contacts pretty regularly. Do you have your own computer? yes, a laptop. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? my mom. Who’s the bravest person you know? my mom. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? my parents and my partner. Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends? oh, yikes at the r-slur being in this :/ Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? yes. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? no. Are you any good at writing? if it's research-based, yes. creatively, no. What’s your favorite form of writing? i don't know. What do you think about Lil Wayne? he's a good rapper, but i don't listen to him. Lil Wayne Vs. Eminem…?? :S i don't know enough about either of their music to give an answer. Have you ever given up on someone before? yes. Did you end up regretting it later in life? no. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? no, i feel guilty immediately if i do something wrong. Have you ever read Shakespeare? yes. How come no one knows what MGMT is on here? aren't they a band? What did you dream about last night? i don't remember. Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? i did back in high school. Have you ever tried to change someone? yes.  Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? yes, i think it's possible. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? my partner. What profession do you admire the most? those working in medicine/healthcare. also, like, city workers and those who help keep places clean. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? yes, i did when i was in middle school so i could post random stuff without people finding me. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. What are you wearing right now? a t-shirt and shorts. Do you miss your ex? no. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? height. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? yes. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? i would be working because i need money.

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑

Toji Fushiguro

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Summary: Toji Fushiguro is hired to kill a woman- An absurd amount of money for her head. But she's simply too beautiful for him to not have some fun first.

He forgets about his job until the tables are turned on him.

Warnings: MDNI, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex (f. and m. receiving), Spitting, Vaginal Fingering, Creampie, Attempted Murder, Toji is a hit man, Mentions of murder and a gun and knife

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Toji doesn’t question any of his jobs as long as the money he’s paid is good. That’s why he didn’t question why someone was willing to pay ten million yen for the head of a twenty-something year old woman. He doesn’t ask much details when he’s about to do a job, just the name and a picture of the person.

When Toji got your picture, he almost felt guilty for even looking at you without your permission. He had never seen someone so drop-dead gorgeous, and he felt tempted to decline the job, thinking that such pure blood couldn’t be on his hands. But he knew your looks have nothing to do with this. With the little information he got, he knew you were a sorcerer. He never got if you were part of a clan or not, or any actual reason for your death, but they wanted you gone.

Toji thinks with his dick a lot, but this wasn’t one of those instances. He felt bad, sure, but he wasn’t going to turn down that much money for a woman he had never met. So he made a plan, and now he sits at a bar, drinking water as he waits for you to step into the place. With some help he figured out what your weekly routine is. And on Fridays you decide to go out for a drink. So he patiently waits for you to enter the place. 

Time feels so slow as he glances at the door, waiting for you to step into the place. It’s still quite early, but he’s been at the same spot for half an hour, not attempting to make conversation with anyone else. A couple of women have come up to him, trying to initiate something, but Toji shrugged them off. He’s only looking for one person, and none of those women are nearly as stunning as you are.

“Waiting for someone?” The bartender asks, and Toji hums in response. He doesn’t share any details though. There’s no need. Toji keeps looking at the door, and his eyes light up when the door opens and you walk through. He’s a minute closer to getting the money he was promised.

His eyes follow your body as you immediately approach a table, walking over to your friends. You wear a little black dress that hugs your body extremely well, it almost makes the man forget why he’s there. You simply look stunning, even better than the picture he was shown, which he didn’t think was possible. But he remembers why he’s here.

He didn’t expect you to meet up with your friends, so he has to slightly change his plans. He tears his eyes off you when you look back, he hadn’t noticed your friends had been looking at him and had begun to point at him. Great, now he just looks like a creep, however, he doesn’t worry too much about it. There’s no need for formalities, really. He could just get you alone, kill you, and bring your body to the person that hired him. That’s what he does every single time but tonight he doesn’t want to do it like that. 

Someone so beautiful deserves a little bit more. It’s a horrible mindset, but Toji is a horrible person.

“Hey.” He hears, and he turns his head to look at you. You’re smiling at him, and he wonders what you’re going to say. You know he was staring at you, yet you don’t look like you’re about to call him out for it. Quite the opposite. “Is this seat taken?”

“No, go ahead.” His voice is stern as he speaks. You notice how he holds a glass of water, or perhaps it’s straight vodka. You’ll never know because you’ll never question it. He watches as you tell the bartender your drink of choice to start off the night. You look at the handsome man that’s next to you before confidently saying,

“My friends told me you were checking me out.” You tell him. Each year you get older and realize there’s no point in holding back. You don’t lose anything by telling him that you find him attractive. Worst he can do is reject you, “And I have to say, you’re very handsome.”

“Hmm… I am?” He raises a brow while he turns to look at you. He licks his lips, once again looking over you. He brings his glass up to his lips and takes a sip, which is when you figure out that it’s water since he had no reaction to the liquid. “What’s your name, darling?”

You tell him your first name, which further confirms he’s got the right woman. You bat your eyelashes at him, hoping he introduces himself without you having to ask. As your glass is placed in front of you, he says, “That’s a very beautiful name.” 

“What’s your name?” You end up asking when he doesn’t introduce himself. You bring your drink up to your lips and begin to sip while you wait for the man to say something. He takes a long time to speak a word. He’s debating if he should use his real name. It wouldn’t be smart for him to do so, but in the end it won’t matter. 

At the end of the night, you’ll be dead.

“Toji.” He answers. You smile at him as you think of what to say next. You really aren’t interested in a conversation, in fact, you only want one thing from him. Of course, you won’t immediately just ask him to leave the place to have sex, you’ll talk to him a bit more.

“I haven’t seen you around here before, Toji.” You say, and the way that his name rolls off your tongue has him hooked. He feels his face get warm, and he can only imagine his cheeks getting a pinkish color, so he turns his face away from you. The lighting of the place isn’t great, yet he’s scared that it’ll be noticeable in the low light. 

“You come here a lot?” He asks, and you end up humming in response. 

“Every Friday night. Just to unwind with friends after a long week.” You share. He didn’t know that detail. He doesn’t usually ask for details, mainly because that makes his victims too human. Toji will do anything for money and he doesn’t feel guilty. But having you tell him something as simple as that won’t make him feel his best about his job. “How about you? Why did you decide to come here?”

“I’m new to the area, and saw this place.” He shares. 

You two begin to converse and find out about each other. You tell him miniscule things about yourself, while he does the same. Majority of the things that he tells you don’t seem genuine though. It’s believable enough, but it just doesn’t seem honest. Yet you don’t care. 

You get lost in insignificant conversation so much so that you don’t feel two hours pass by. You’ve had a little too much to drink by then, and have gotten a bit too touchy with Toji. Your hands are on his arms, and you lightly slap it when he tells a joke that isn’t all that funny. He finds himself laughing as well.

“How about we…” You begin to whisper in his ear. Toji’s hands are on your waist, helping you maintain your balance as you stand. Instead of finishing your sentence, you begin to kiss Toji’s face. He’s forgetting about his task. Your lips finally press against his, and he allows himself to get lost in the soft skin. A complete stranger is kissing him, and his palms are getting unreasonably sweaty. Toji has had one night stands before– Too many to count, but he’s never felt like this while kissing them. Maybe it’s because he knows that after this, it’ll all be over.

He shouldn’t even be thinking about sleeping with you, but when you say, “Let’s go back to my apartment” when you pull away from his lips, his mind is hazy and he hums in response. Maybe it’s your cursed technique or something similar that has such an effect on him. But he has to remember what he was hired to do. He won’t let some momentarily feeling get in the way of his prize. 

After closing your tab, the two of you begin to walk to your apartment. Your place is not too far away, it’s a five minute walk from the bar. Which he already knew. You happily talk to him, and from your speech he can tell that you’re sobering up, but you’re not planning to stay sober for too long. 

You get to your place, and he walks in, unsure of where to go next. You walk past him and go to the kitchen to grab two glasses of wine and open a bottle. You don’t care to ask if he actually drinks. You’ll just pour two glasses, talk a bit more, and then have sex. At least that’s what you think will happen.

“Please, take a seat.” You tell him, and he awkwardly looks around before going to the couch and taking a seat. His eyes inspect the place, noticing how it’s a bit disorganized. Next to him is a pretty white dress that most likely was going to be your choice for the night. He notices how sheer it is and how small it looks, which makes him glad you chose the black dress. Had you worn that dress, he would’ve died on the spot. You walk up to him with two glasses filled to the brim, “Sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting any guests.”

“It’s fine.” He responds, taking the glass from your hands. You take a seat right on his lap, after all, the plans you have with him involve more than just sitting on his lap. There’s no point in holding back. He feels his face get warm, and he distracts himself by looking at the glass of wine. “Man, you’re really trying to get me drunk.”

“I did overdo it a bit.” You tell him, taking a sip from your glass. He puts his glass down on the end table, his hands focusing on roaming through your body. “Not much of a drinker, now?” 

“Alcohol isn’t really my thing.” He comments, his fingertips feathering over your thighs before they go up to the hem of your dress. His fingers begin to trace lazy circles on your skin, completely forgetting what he’s here to do. You end up putting your glass on the coffee table, focusing completely on him. 

“Hmm, so what’s your thing?” You say, lightly biting down your bottom lip. 

“Pretty girls like you.” He responds, his lips placing a kiss on your jaw before his teeth begin to nibble on your earlobe. You smirk, your hands feeling the well built body that hides behind a thin black shirt. You get off his lap and get on your knees on the hardwood floor. God, he’d curse himself for being so dumb. He has a gun in his pants, and a pocketknife in his pocket. Yet he isn’t thinking about that when you’re undoing his belt and pulling down his pants. 

Your eyes glance at the gun, but you don’t say anything about it, instead you smirk knowing that he hasn’t noticed the fact that you know. Your hand wraps around his cock and you slowly begin to pump his length. “I hope I’m special.”

“Oh, you are.” He answers before your tongue begins to swirl around the tip of his cock. He watches as you do so, biting his bottom lip. Your hand keeps stroking his dick while your tongue keeps licking the tip of his cock, until you finally wrap your mouth around his dick.

It’s too much for you to take it all, so you take as much as you can in your mouth, your hands moving the parts that you can’t fit inside. You bob your head slowly, your eyes looking up at Toji who is clearly enjoying this. His cheeks are pink while he bites down on his lip. It makes you wonder if he’s touch-deprived or if you’re just really good at this. 

“Oh, fuck–” He ends up throwing his head back after awkwardly holding eye-contact with you for a couple of seconds. He’ll admit that you look better than ever while your mouth is wrapped around his cock, but looking at each other while he gets head is just awkward. Especially when he has very specific plans to kill you, and he won’t back down. Obviously, his plans have been pushed back. He’ll get his dick wet and then do it. As horrifying as it sounds.

You take your mouth off his cock, your tongue running down his shaft and going to his balls. Your mouth begins to suck on his balls while your hand pumps his cock. His eyes are rolling to the back of his head while you work your magic. Fuck, this isn’t even supposed to be happening. But it is and he’s so close to coming.

Your tongue licks up to his tip, and your mouth wraps around his cock again. Your eyes once again focus on his face, although it’s thrown back as he grunts. “S’ good. Love your mouth.”

His cock twitches and he releases in your mouth. So much cum fills up your mouth, and some of it dribbles down to your chin. You take your mouth off his cock and he finally looks at you. He brings his thumb down to your chin and picks up his cum, then brings it to your lips. He swipes his thumb on your tongue. His hand then goes under your chin and he turns your head. “You’re so beautiful.”

You get off the floor and grab his hand. You pull him up from the couch and begin to guide him to your bedroom. Your bedroom is even more disorganized than the living room, but he doesn’t notice because all that’s going through his mind is the fact he’s about to fuck you, and it feels like a dream. 

Your hands go to your side and you pull down your zipper, beginning to take off your dress. He watches, his eyes lighting up as he sees that you’re only wearing panties. His hand goes to your back and he pulls you closer to him. His lips meet yours for a brief second before his lips go down, from your neck to your breasts. His lips wrap around your nipple and he sucks, while his hand plays with the other.

He detaches his mouth from your nipple and kisses his way to your other nipple before his lips wrap around your other nipple. You softly moan while he does so. When he unlatches, he picks you up and puts you down on the bed. He spreads your legs apart and pushes your panties to the side before he gets on his knees.

His tongue runs through your cunt before it focuses on flicking your clit. You softly moan while his fingers go up to your mouth. He shoves his fingers in your mouth, getting them wet with your saliva before he brings them down and runs them through your folds. He pushes his middle and ring finger inside of you and you loudly moan.

“Oh, Toji-” You shut your eyes as he curves his fingers just right. The pad of his fingers brush against your sweet spot repeatedly. His tongue works just right, and you bite down your bottom lip so you’re not so loud. The walls are thin, and the last thing you want is for the neighbors to hear this. “You’re doing such a good job.”

And his ears are happy with what you say and with the moans that leave your lips. Oh and his tongue is also happy because you taste so fucking good. He’s definitely happy he’s getting to do this. At this point he’s completely forgotten what he came here to do. 

“Fuck– It’s so good!” You arch your back, feeling as your orgasm begins to build up. Your thighs begin to squeeze his head, and your mind begins to get cloudy. You definitely don’t regret bringing him over. 

Toji’s mouth begins to suck on your clit as your orgasm gets closer and closer. It’s so fucking good for the both of you. You get louder and louder with every passing second, until your legs spasm, reaching your orgasm. You moan his name really loud, and it’s the sweetest melody that he’s ever come across.

He takes his fingers out and detaches himself from your clit, standing up. He begins to get undressed, taking off his shirt before his pants follow. He makes sure that weapons are hidden by clothes before he completely focuses on you. You truly look like a goddess as you lay down on the bed, and he’s mesmerized. He’s never seen someone so beautiful before.

“You’re so beautiful.” He comments stroking his cock before he runs the tip through your folds. His other hand goes to your lower back and he lifts your upper body. His lips meet yours, his tongue going inside your mouth and pressing against yours. He slowly pushes his cock inside of you, and you moan into his mouth.

His cock definitely feels bigger than it looks, and it feels so good. You pull away from the kiss, and he brings his lips together, gathering up saliva before he spits in your mouth. It’s so fucking nasty but you love it, swallowing it. “Oh you’re such a nasty bitch.”

“I am.” You answer. One arm is wrapped around his shoulders, while the other goes down, your hand playing with your clit. “Your dick’s so good.”

“Oh? Is it?” He questions. He picks up speed with every thrust, getting lost in your cunt. His lips meet yours again in a sloppy kiss, muffling any sounds from the both of you. This feels so fucking good, by this point he’s forgotten about the ten million yen prize. He doesn’t want to leave you after this. “You’ve got such a sweet little pussy.”

Your eyes are rolling to the back of your head as you feel another orgasm approach. He just hits every spot and it makes your body feel so good. Every movement is enough to send you over the edge, and he’s relentless. You pull away from the kiss to moan, “Oh fuck! Toji!”

You reach your climax, your pussy feeling incredible around him. So tight and warm. He rapidly keeps thrusting in and out of you, chasing his release. He’s moaning your name, coming so close to finishing. 

His thrusts get sloppy until he finally comes to a stop, filling you up with his cum. He shouldn’t have done that, but he doesn’t care. And neither do you. He pulls out and lays down beside you on the bed. Now would be the perfect time to grab a weapon and do the job.

But he isn’t thinking of that. He catches his breath and turns his face to look at you, admiring your beauty, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” You answer, smiling at him. He’s decided that he’ll push his plan to tomorrow morning.

The next morning Toji wakes up next to you and his mind is all over the place. He doesn’t exactly remember much. Maybe that you had sex a couple more times until you both passed out— That and that he pushed back his plan of killing you. 

He’s been stalling his plan simply because you’ve captivated him, and he can’t afford that. Not with the amount of money that’s on the line. You seem to be sleeping peacefully next to him, which would allow him to grab a pillow and just do the job. But he doesn’t. 

He gets off the bed, grabs his clothes and begins to look for the bathroom. Once he finds it, he uses the toilet. Once he’s done he looks over himself in the mirror. When did he become so pathetic for a woman? Last time that happened was too long ago. It’s just extremely disappointing that he pushed his plans back because he found the woman too beautiful. But for some reason so much weight has been lifted from him.

He notices the mouthwash on the sink and opens the bottle, pouring some on the cap and then bringing it up to his lips. While he rinses, there’s a knock on the door. “Uh… Give me a sec!”

But the door opens. His eyebrows furrow and he turns to look at you. You’re just wearing your panties, your hands behind your back as you sweetly smile, “Good morning, Toji!”

“Good morning.” He’s rather cold this morning. You take small steps to get closer to him.

“How’d you sleep?” You question.

“I’m still tired.” He confesses and you chuckle.

“You wouldn’t be so tired if you had drank the wine.” You tell him, and he finds himself confused.

“Does wine help you sleep or something?” He questions. When you’re close enough, your hands come to the front, but you’re not empty handed. Toji feels the barrel press against his abdomen, and that’s the weight he felt that had been lifted. He puts his hands up in the air.

“The great Toji Zenin was after me, I feel honored.” You begin, and Toji is bewildered. “The sorcerer killer… I want to know who hired you, but I also want to keep it a surprise.”

“You knew?” He asks the obvious, causing you to laugh.

“Of course I knew. I was surprised you didn’t do it faster though. But I’m glad. You were a good fuck.” You tell him, and he slowly blinks. Reality slowly settles. He has a gun pressed against his abdomen— His gun. He’ll most likely die, but he can’t begin to plead for his life because he can’t seem to find the will to live. There’s no point. He’s been outsmarted. “I’m glad you didn’t drink the wine either.”

“Not only beautiful, but also smart.” He’s actually blushing, and he can’t seem to care enough to try and turn his face to hide it from you.

“Any last words?” 

“I think I’ve fallen in love.”

[sunbaby01]

Click

JJ Maybank x reader

Based off the image below <3 (expect a hell of a lot more JJ bc I’ve just binged start to finish of OBX and I’m obsessed)

Along with the promise of no regrets for the summer, Eva had made herself a promise to capture as many photos from summer as they could on her moms old, slightly bust up film camera. Sure, she could buy a new one with the money saved from working at the wreck, hell if she was a kook she would’ve bought the most expensive one. But Eva was a Pogue through and through having been always taught ‘if it’s not broke, don’t fix it’ buying a new one didn’t even enter her mind.

The pictures didn’t have to be particularly pretty or perfect but more so capture the times that filled her with so much joy or peace that made her cheeks hurt or eyes crinkle. A snap here or there of John B and Sarah, a few of Kie while they messed around at work, Pope on their fishing trips and of course JJ. Just simply being JJ, she really didn’t have an excuse as to why there were more photos snapped of him than anyone, whether that was him on HMS Pogue, at a kegger, rolling and smoking a J or just being him. He was her favourite person to look at and to be with.

The Pogues were confused at first to the click they’d hear in the background until gradually they paid it no mind, glad to have someone capturing their youth. Even some of them started taking the odd photo with it.

“How many of those do you have now” Kie nodded to the roll of film she placed with the others, in a tattered shoebox kept at the chateau.

“3 or 4 I think…I got a bit snap happy” she shrugged guiltily.

“When’re we gonna see them?” Pope asked her, “I’m surprised you haven’t developed any yet”

“Soon…I’m just waiting to be paid and I probably will then. Shit ain’t cheap” she snorted pushing away the guilty feeling and checked her pockets cursing when she came up empty.

“Shit…I’d better get home, need to grab another roll before the sunset. I’m hoping it’s a good one” she smiled at them all going around and placing a kiss on each of their cheeks lingering on JJ’s and ignoring Sarah’s quirked brow as she pulled away.

“Hey! Wait up!” His voice sent shivers through her, “didn’t think you could get away that easy could you” he smirked wrapping an exposed arm over her shoulder and pulling her into his side.

“J it’s a 10 minute walk, if that” she tried to reason giggling when he stumbled slightly.

“10 extra minutes with you” he shrugged as if it was nothing looking straight ahead, as if his words hadn’t caused her stomach to be bombarded with butterflies.

“Flirt” she nudged him, cursing herself for leaving the extra roll at home when she saw the way the sun hit his skin.

“For you? Always baby” he nudged her back and opened the chipped gate for her letting him lead her to her front door, house empty as usual.

“Well I’ll leave you-“ he rubbed his neck eyes darting round looking for some excuse to stay.

“Wanna watch it with me? The sunset?” She dared to ask noticing his hovering.

“Yes- I mean yeah” he tried to recover and she hid her smile looking down.

“Great…I’m just gonna grab us a drink and find some snacks to take. Will you grab my extra roll? It’s in a white box under my bed” she headed to the kitchen not thinking twice, completely overwhelmed at the joy in his eyes when she asked him to stay.

JJ headed to her room body on autopilot, gently pushing her door open and taking in the scent of her perfume that still lay in the air. Despite being in here multiple times before, his eyes always flitted around looking for any changes he may have missed, smiling at the sweatshirt thrown on her bed - his from their last beach outing a few weeks back. He’d told her to keep it but didn’t think she’d still be wearing it.

“What do you wanna eat and drink?” Her voice rang through the house snapping him out of it.

“I’m not fussy” he called back.

He knelt down reaching under her bed and pulled out the box she’d described, opening it to see at least 5 more new rolls of film. She wasn’t lying, her mom really had gone over the top for her birthday. Two envelopes sat amongst the rolls and his fingers itched to open them. She wouldn’t mind right? She’d asked him to go in this box. His brows furrowed as he lifted it out and opened the first envelope to find developed film photos. Sure, he could’ve been mistaken but then he saw the one he took of him with kie asleep in the background.

She’d gotten the photos developed despite claiming she hadn’t yet.

“Why would you lie” he murmured to himself flicking through the photos reminiscing the days before placing them back in the envelope.

“J!” She called and his body froze waiting to hear the creaking floorboards that never came, “I’m just gonna call my mom and tell her we won’t be in for dinner”

“Okay!” He responded smiling at we, he waited till he heard her voice on the phone and picked up the second envelope.

His heart pounded as he flicked through and his chest warmed so much so he placed his hand there as if to cool it. Picture after picture of him just existing. Tears welled up in his eyes as the feeling rushed through him, he knew he’d liked her but this that he was feeling was love. So intense and so strong that if he was stood it would’ve bought him to his knees.

“J, you ready?” Her voice came closer and he shoved the photos back in the box haphazardly wiping his face clean of any tears and standing with the roll of film in his hand.

“J?” She came to stand in the door trying to place the look in his eyes.

“Ready,” he smiled softly and stepped forward towards her, placing a kiss against her head out of the blue before leaving her stood there wide eyed, distracting her so much so that she almost missed the lid of the box not being on properly. Shaking her head, she quickly went to close the lid and her heart dropped into her stomach seeing all the photos of him laid out having obviously been looked at.

Well shit.

Kicking it back under she rushed to catch up with JJ who was already sat, shirtless, waiting on the beach, she sat next to him silently taking the film out of his hand as he offered it her and putting it in her camera; anything to occupy herself.

“Just waiting to be paid?” He broke the silence knocking his knee with hers.

“J…it’s not what it looks like” she couldn’t lose him.

“Oh really?” He tutted full of confidence. “Because to me it looked like the girl I was in love with had feelings for me too…my mistake” he smirked staring out at sea, seeing her head snap to his out of the corner of his eye.

“You..you love me?” She pointed to herself causing him to let out a laugh and turn to her teary eyed.

“I do” he nodded.

“Are you sure?” She asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, with all my heart if I’m being honest” he grinned feeling a weight off his chest.

“I love you so much” closed her eyes to stop her tears falling overcome with emotion, her breath caught when she felt his hand on her face turning her head towards him, their lips finally meeting in a soft kiss. Pulling apart they smiled at each other, JJ jumped up and pulled her up too into his arms practically spinning her in joy kissing her once again only stopping when her hands dropped from around his neck. Stepping back she picked up the camera laying on JJ’s T-shirt and turned it his way wanting to photograph this moment. The grin on his face with the sunset in the background, the feeling they both felt - all of it.

“God I love you” she couldn’t help slip out one more time as she looked through the viewfinder making him let out a laugh.

“I love you baby”

Click.