#so the url felt kinda bitter to me

[inbabylontheywept]

Is your url based on the song Babylon canon?? I recently found the song through a camp that I’m doing and it’s absolutely beautiful :)

Kinda. My URL is based Psalms 137, which the Babylon Canon is quoting. When I first chose this username, I wasn't planning on that account being for writing - I was using it to access the exmormon subreddit. I eventually burned out on them because they were so, so bitter, and I just... I wasn't. I was sad. I would describe myself as very religious, but not at all spiritual. I loved my friends, I loved the ward, I loved all the insane bullshit that happened in scouts, I loved that there were grown men who had busy lives and kids of their own that worked together to give me adventures in my childhood. I talk about the disasters because they're memorable, but these were not incompetent people. For every disaster there were 10 things that just went great.

I wasn't angry. The worst thing they did was hurt people near me, and when people you love do bad things to other people you love, it's just miserable. I wish they'd treated all of my people as good as they treated me. They loved the house, but not its crows.

Anyway, I chose that Psalm for a handful of reasons.

It's a homesick song. And after leaving, I felt homesick. I sat down by the river and I hung my harp on the poplars, and I wept when I remembered Zion.

I know this is incredibly dorky - but the only piece of media I ever found as a Mormon boy that took the religion seriously was Fallout New Vegas. They weren't a punchline in that game. They wrote Mormons that had deep regrets and complicated pasts, who had lived through and did terrible things, and I loved them for it. The most well executed example of this was a character named Joshua Graham, and he spits Pslams 137 at you in a key moment, and changed my brain chemistry. Watch this if you want to get a sense of the character. Or this. Either works.

I had a really, really, crazy seminary teacher. I've got two stories (story 1, story 2) about him, but frankly, I could write like, ten. He talked about Psalms 137 a lot. He had a very strong belief in God's willingness to inflict a terrible vengeance, but he also had like, beliefs on what it took for that vengeance to be invoked. One of the most interesting people I've met in my entire life, and deeply thus deeply entwined with my relationship with Mormonism.

Good question, and well asked! I've had some people just jump into thinking I'm a Zionist. I'm not.

[velvetvexations]

(this is from yesterday so this entire thing is written out and just copy pasted in.)

The more I see how you've been treated by other trans people, the more hollow all the posts repeating variations of 'love all trans women! Listen to all trans women! Have kindness and grace for all trans women! Even the bad and ugly and annoying ones!' become to me.

One one hand, these posts almost without fail dissolve into active vitriol the moment someone (foolishly and naively) tries to mention any other kind of trans person, which the OPs often shut down and treat as insulting, hostile, nefarious or a deliberate attempt to take away (steal?) the kindness away from transfems (like it's a finite resource?)

On the other, I follow a lot more transfems than transmascs, meaning I got to see how some of them felt about it. The anecdote that lasered itself into my brain was seeing a butch trans woman saying she felt bitter and kinda hopeless sharing that kind of message because her experience was that not even other trans women had any kindness or grace for her.

And then how this has played out for you. You and another trans woman disagreed, and instead of saying 'you're annoying me and I disagree with your opinion' she presented you as misgendering her (it's apparently not enough that you use they/them by default to account for all the genderfuckery on Tumblr. How dare you not be clairvoyant.), she didn't care that you corrected yourself and told the person crawling out of the woodwork to talk shit about her to fuck off, she said you 'threatened to share' her nsfw account when you censored the url and told the anon to get lost, and blamed you for a shitstorm resulting from her saying something controversial.

Going further, you get that asshole demanding you 'give the URL of your transfem mutuals'. It reminds me of how everyone, including other transfems, were screaming at Tumblr's CEO to show 'proof' that predstrogen had said or done something worthy of being banned. And it's just... Does anyone hear themselves? Why is everyone okay demanding personal or potentially intimate information about transfems for the sake of 'proof?' Why do you have to hand off the URLs of people you know so some asshole can presumably judge them and dismiss them for not being good enough? Does no one else find it insane that it's okay to bulldoze transfem's privacy for the sake of 'proof'?

Is this why those positivity posts are so often structured like commands? So that everyone can nod their head and pat their backs self righteously for doing the 'right thing' of passing this command along to the unspecified OTHER meant to ACTUALLY work on treating transfems better? Did everyone press the reblog button to look good or something? I thought everyone, trans people included, agreed that the point was tangibly and personally putting in some effort to do better?

I always internalised those posts as a rallying cry to do better, all of us, but it seems like it's played out as an excuse for people to use personal pain to justify lashing out and pushing the DOING better part onto 'someone else'.

Yeah, like. So much of it just comes off as virtue signaling? I recently got accused of being an anti-SJW for using that term lol but that's an actual thing that actually happens. It's so performative. It's theory.

And it really does frustrate me that I can't take those posts seriously. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I have serious chest thumping anxiety about the constant, terrifying situation we're all in. We as in "me as well". So I want to take comfort in those posts that are about how the OP will support trans women with their dying breath, I did take comfort in those posts, but then I look for five seconds on OP's blog and find ten posts about transandro bros and I want to never hear someone say they support me ever again because they're all fucking snakes and their support is completely worthless to me.

[astrifer0us]

spitaverse-burr > reaper-kravitz

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

congrats on 500!!!! for the celebration could i request flarrie & fake dating? thanks! 💕

Thanks for the prompt (and congrats on the new url)! Sorry this took so long, but hey I got it posted just under the wire for lesbian visibility day so I count that as a win :D

This is my first flarrie fic, my first fic with Flynn or Carrie, and somehow my first fake dating fic, despite the fact that I LOVE fake dating?? So really it was a necessary challenge all around. Also it’s more set up than actual fake dating sorry it got away from me. Maybe I’ll write a follow-up sometime.

Read on ao3 here:

--

“God, this is stupid.”

“It was your idea.”

“So? Nobody’s perfect, Flynnigan. Even I’m allowed to have a stupid idea every once in a while.”

It’s far from Carrie’s best comeback, but give her a break, it’s been a weird couple of weeks. After Julie played the Orpheum, Carrie started to feel like everything she thought she knew was actually a lie. She felt twisted, topsy-turvy, like the very world she lived in had been tilted on its axis. Suddenly, being a famously successful musician didn’t seem to matter so much anymore. Working herself and her group to the bone to someday escape her dad’s shadow didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

Keeping up a years-long feud with Julie and Flynn that she didn’t even remember the origins of anymore definitely didn’t seem to matter anymore.

And then, well. People at school—people Carrie thought were her friends—started being total jerks to her, just because Julie and the Phantoms was quickly becoming more successful than Dirty Candi, and because Carrie’s dad had some kind of nervous breakdown in the middle of a Panic at the Disco concert (he’s fine now, she thinks, but it made all the tabloids), and because Nick broke up with her and wouldn’t even look at her now and everybody knew that they weren’t going to get back together this time. 

And you know what? Yeah, maybe Carrie deserved some of that, cause she’s for sure been a jerk to all those people first. But that didn’t stop her from getting angry and snapping back at all the people making fun of her for getting dumped by Nick Danforth-Evans of all people. And it didn’t stop her from acting on instinct, desperate as always for the right kind of attention, and announcing to the entire cafeteria that actually she broke up with Nick and anyway, she’s dating someone else now.

And then news traveled fast and Carrie dug herself into a pit of generic details and gender-neutral pronouns, and now she’s standing outside her house, about to attend a standard PR meeting with her dad and his lawyers (the same meeting she brought Nick to a year ago, and six months ago, and two and a half months ago—basically every time they broke up and got back together).

It’s the Wilson Family Significant Other NDA Signing Meeting. And she’s going to one with Flynn.

“Did you want to, uh… go over the plan or whatever?” Flynn asks from their spot on the exact opposite end of Carrie’s front porch. She looks as confident as ever, if a little hesitant to look Carrie in the eye.

Carrie shoots her a patented glare, tries to ignore the floaty feeling in her stomach that might be guilt for getting someone else wrapped up in her bullshit and might be something else entirely that Carrie would really prefer not to think too hard about right now. “The plan,” she snaps, “is we go in there, you act like you’re in love with me, you sign a couple documents, you let me do all of the talking, and then you get your fifty bucks. Capiche?”

“Fifty bucks and you leave Julie and her band alone,” Flynn corrects, glaring right back.

Carrie rolls her eyes. “Yes, okay? I’ll leave Julie and her precious holograms to run themselves into obscurity. They hardly need my help. Now, can we just get this over with, please?”

As soon as the words are out, she flinches. The please was too much, it was too earnest, too sincere, Flynn is gonna figure her out, they’re gonna know she didn’t just do this to escape mild high school humiliation— 

But Flynn just scowls, waves a hand toward the front door as if to say, go ahead, and Carrie breathes what she hopes to be an imperceptible sigh of relief.

But then, “Wait,” Flynn says just as Carrie’s reaching for the doorknob.

“Ugh, what?”

Flynn leans against the wall next to the door, arms crossed over her chest, giving Carrie a frankly infuriating smirk. “Before we go in there… I never got to ask. Why me?”

“What?” she says again, hoping her makeup covers the blush she can feel coloring her cheeks.

“Why me?” Flynn repeats. “You wanted to make up an SO to get people off your back about Nick, sure. But you could’ve said anyone. Heck, you could’ve told your dad it was fake and avoided all this lawyer shit. Why waste fifty bucks and an hour of your time pretending to date me?”

Carrie is a born and bred Performer. Carrie is Trevor Wilson’s daughter. Carrie knows better than anyone—probably better than is good for her—how to straighten her spine, paste on a bubbly smile, and sound as convincing as physically possible as she lies, “Well, I couldn’t pick someone I actually liked, or they might fall in love with me.”

Flynn’s confident expression flickers, causing a sickening feeling of reluctant triumph to burn in Carrie’s chest.

“Plus,” she adds, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “it had to be someone at school or people would think I’d made it all up, but I was purposefully vague about the details of my new significant other, including gender identity, and, well… you’re the only person I know who uses they/them pronouns.”

Flynn blinks, startled. “You—I—didn’t realize you… knew that.”

“Of course I knew.” Carrie tries not to be offended. “God, Flynn, I’m not a total heartless bitch. We were friends once.”

“Yeah, but I came out after we stopped being friends.”

“And then you put your new pronouns in all your social media bios. What, did you think I unfollowed you or something?”

Flynn’s frowning at her, their shoulders tense, looking confused and more upset than Carrie thinks the situation warrants. “Honestly, Carrie? I kinda assumed you’d blocked me.”

Carrie sucks in a breath, forces herself to let her guard down just enough to rid her voice of any insincerity or antagonism as she says, “No, of course not. It’s not like it was your fault I was fighting with Julie. It was only right that you took her side.”

She tries not to sound too bitter about it. She’s over all that—mostly, anyway. The look Flynn’s giving her is a little too pitying for Carrie’s liking. She sniffs haughtily and turns away from their scrutinizing gaze. “As for my dad, he’s been going through something lately, and he seemed really happy to see me bouncing back so fast after Nick. So I figured I’d humor him or whatever.”

Flynn’s hand slips into hers, and when Carrie looks at her in surprise, their face is softer than Carrie’s seen it in years. “All right then, Carebear. Let’s do this thing.”  

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @nickalicious @reggiescrookedteeth @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @cest-la-vie-de-la-lee @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @moreflowersthanweeds @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @shellydominique @fiddlepickdouglas 

[glubbity]

i was tagged by @bacchaebabe​ a few days ago, so i’m gonna do one of these get to know me things!

[instructions: tag ten followers you’d like to get to know better.] i hereby tag you ALL because i would love to hear your stories.

gender: i define myself as nonbinary! i don’t know really what Specific term i am because i don’t really vibe with any of them, and i quite like how nonbinary sounds as an umbrella term. i’m fine with whatever pronouns too! most people use she/her for me because i’m pretty feminine and i love that. call me whatever you want though as long as you’re respectful about it!!

star sign: i am a gemini... if this is news to you, you must be new here. my birthday is june 13th, 2003! fun fact: i was born on friday the thirteenth-- spooky!

height: i’m 5′6′’ and very bitter about it. when i was first born, the doctors projected that i would be, quote, “a very tall girl” and this SEEMED to be the case for most of my childhood. i was taller than most of the boys from elementary to middle school. and then highschool happened and i stopped growing definitively. to add salt to the wound, self described ‘feral goth’ bacchaebabe says 5′6′’ is the most boring height. 

sexuality: i’m bi! i’m currently dating a boy, and surprisingly today was our eighth month together... time flies ammirite ladies

hogwarts house: this question made me hold back my urge to projectile vomit but. slytherin according to the official pottermore results!

favorite animal: my favorites are jellyfish! i love LOVE love them-- their biology is so interesting to me. how can a literal blob be so full of mystique? sometimes when i read at night i put this video on in the background for my Ambient Jellyfish Noise fill

average hours of sleep: when school was in session, i used to wake up at 5:15 AM every day (i know i’m on crack) and would usually fall asleep around 11:30-12:30 PM at the absolute latest? so Usually five hours! my sleep schedule now is more like wake up at 7:15 and go to bed from 12:30-2:00 hehe

current time: 11:04 PM! california babey

dogs or cats?: i like both, but i’m slightly more partial to cats. i have a dog named walter and a cat named carrie, but her nickname is maow because that’s the sound she makes. i love them both to death.

number of blankets you sleep with?: i sleep with one sheet and one blanket, and a smaller throw blanket for my cat to lay on! it’s starting to get hotter very rapidly so i might ditch the sheet soon x____x

dream job?: i’d like to work in the animation industry in some sort of storytelling role! maybe someone who helps write the plots or better develops character or environmental stuff? my mind jumps to ‘character designer,’ but i feel like i’d have a lot more fun being the nitpicky reviser type rather than a concept artist. if i wasn’t already married to animation, then i’d 10008858065% be a journalist!

when i created this blog: i officially remade @glubbity-moved​ in 2019, so 2019! glubbity as a Laci Brand has been around since 2015 though.

follower count: on my old blog i had over 2000+, but on this humbler remake i have a solid 390. i’m not too concerned on that number as long as i have my mutuals honestly. xoxo

why i created this blog: i officially moved from middle school instagram to tumblr because it seemed more of my scene in seventh grade :”)

how i came up with my url: this is so embarrassing but. i was a homestuck fan and i thought feferi was cute, and i loved her fish puns. the word ‘glub’ stuck out to me, and i just kinda tacked on the ‘bity’ because it felt nice to say in conjunction with that. thus, glubbity! when i was younger, i always forgot if my url had two b’s or two t’s... like glubitty. very silly

what do you love about yourself? (can’t be something you do for others): personally, i feel like i have an aura of Extrovert that makes it very easy for me to talk to people. sometimes being boldly outspoken about minor or trivial things is the most beneficial way of getting to know someone. i also have a very People Focused memory, and will almost always remember your name, your schedule and/or other minute details that you told me three weeks ago. i just like Knowing people, it’s fun.

what kept you going through middle school? if it wasn’t hard, what was it like?: middle school was the roughest period of my life for a variety of reasons, and i relied heavily on tumblr as an outlet for that time period. this is cringe but i was into south park, eddsworld, danganronpa and steven universe as a middleschooler. i also played animal crossing new leaf and pokemon to keep me grounded-- i even had an animal crossing ask blog for rosie the cat! finally, i had art to focus on, and this is where my artistic destination really defined itself. middle school still sucked balls but it made me into who i am today!

if you end up doing this, PLEASE tag me and i will read it!!! i would love to get to know a lot of you better. thanks for tuning in! <3

[yukipri]

So I’m back from the dead (literally). A Goodbye Message.

Hey there. Some of you may remember me.

Some of you may have wondered why I suddenly stopped posting, but the vast majority of you probably didn’t even notice, as is how it is. ^ ^;

I’m finally back, and it wasn’t an easy journey getting back.

Here’s what happened.

(Slightly long post, but please forgive me for not putting it under a cut, it’s sorta important)

On November 19th, I checked my blog as I always do, to learn that my blog was terminated.

No warning, no reason, suddenly BOOM gone. I’ve had this blog since spring 2012. It’s almost entirely sfw, I’ve always been hyper careful with tagging, and any questionable content has always been hosted on other platforms. Yet for some reason, I was one of many blogs caught up in what’s come to be known as the #TumblrPurge.

I followed all the steps. I emailed staff, first desperately, then more rationally, making my case. I figured that a bot had caught my blog, as I knew plenty of other more suspicious content blogs that were unharmed. At first there was hope, it’s just a glitch, it’s happening to a lot of people, they’ll give it back right away, some people have already gotten theirs back!

Nothing.

My methods of contacting followers were limited to my Patreon and Twitter, neither of which has much of a base. Followers who knew me on there were incredibly kind and supportive, and sometimes even reached out to staff on my behalf.

I didn’t want to spam, but I also was desperate. I emailed staff once a week. I tried using different categories. I tried adding attachments. My messages ranged from simple and succinct, to deeply personal and desperate.

I was honestly devastated. I spiraled into the worst depression I’ve ever been in. I could barely eat and vomited nonstop for a week. I gained 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I was completely out of control mentally, and even reached out to a psychiatrist friend in case I couldn’t handle it myself. I couldn’t draw, and thinking about projects that I once loved only hurt me more.

Talk about social media addiction, but I’ve legit never gone longer than a week without posting something for years, and especially since becoming a content creator, it felt sickening to not have the place where I drove myself to post constantly and consistently. It broke my schedule. It made me feel cut off from the world, and I felt claustrophobic and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I lost so many things with this blog. Yes, I was primarily a content creator, and while of course I had backups of all my art and some of my longer text posts, I lost so much more.

I lost, perhaps most importantly, all my interactions with my followers. I lost connections to so many people, people I hadn’t contacted in years and may not have even been active anymore, but who I always believed I would have this route back to. I lost memories, both online and of my personal life that I had recorded on here.

And as someone who unfortunately put so much of my identity and self-validation on my social media experience, I suddenly felt like I was absolutely nothing.

For the longest time, I thought I was su*cidal as a result of my depression (word bleeped out bc who knows what can get you flagged now). I certainly thought about death and dying daily.

But then, I realized what I was feeling wasn’t quite that. I didn’t feel like I wanted to die.

I felt like I was already dead.

Which, may sound like an exaggeration, but in terms of tumblr at least, it’s exactly the same. If I had died in rl, I would have dropped off the map, just like this. Suddenly stopped posting, no warning in advance. My blog may have existed, but in this case, no record of my existence even remained. To people who came looking for my url, I may as well have been dead. You wouldn’t have known any better.

Or who knows, maybe I was a criminal or had done something awful that resulted in my blog being removed. Maybe I had just had it with this site and had chosen to leave. Maybe I was just taking a much needed break. It would have been odd, since I prioritized communicating and always said when I needed a break, which was rarely ever. But either way, I had no way of telling any of you what had happened to me. My voice was gone.

Feeling like I was dead, after I recognized what I was feeling, was...disturbing, I guess. Kinda explained why I always felt like a corpse though.

(of course, feeling like I was dead contributed to thinking other things like maybe it’d be better if I really wasn’t around at all, but that’s a result, and not the main feeling.)

Anyway, I kept emailing staff, and I finally managed to come back. It took ten emails and over 2 months of waiting and wasting away and trying to come to terms with how I’m unlikely to get it back. I didn’t get my blog back until TODAY.

Now that I have come back, the landscape’s changed, as I had heard it had. They hadn’t even announced the adu*t content policy change when they terminated me. I honestly feel like I’m back in a world that’s moved on without me, and it’s made me feel very strongly how insignificant I was in the first place.

During my time being dead, I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to do. I regretted not doing my 25K follower giveaway sooner. I regretted not getting this or that content out. I regretted having kept certain long text posts and ask responses in my drafts yet unpublished.

But more than anything, I regretted not being able to say goodbye, and thank you all for my time here.

Yes, it’s had ups and downs, but tumblr was where I first found myself as an artist. Tumblr was what first made me interact with and find a group of people interested in what I created. Tumblr was where I was able to interact with those people, you. And I know I’ve had my ups and downs too, and different fandoms and different moods, but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for letting me be a part of your experience here, however big or small that experience may have been.

I also learned the dangers of immersing myself too deeply on one online platform. So much of myself had been poured into this one blog, this one blog that can disappear with a legit snap of staff’s fingers. (my twitter handle was “Got Thanos’d on Tumblr” for a good month lol) I used to think that’s what made my content valuable, that I poured so much love and thought and everything personal into it, that’s what made it special, but in the end oh so very damaging when it was ripped away. As someone who spent almost all my time online creating content, it was an awful reality pill I had to swallow, and I don’t want ANYONE experiencing the same thing I did.

So please. The takeaway here, if I can be a cautionary tale, is to be aware that an online identity is more unstable than you think it is. It can go POOF. I’m lucky to be here, and that staff finally responded, and that I had the masochism to continue emailing staff weekly no matter how much I felt like I should stop breathing afterwards.

Also, please, if you have people on this site you care about, whether it be a friend or someone you think is neat, anyone you will miss if they suddenly disappeared, please go connect with them in other places beyond this site, which may become increasingly unstable. This can be another social media if they have it, an email, a chatting platform, anything. Even if you personally don’t use it yet, create an account so you can find them when you can no longer access your account, or they can’t access theirs and they can find you. Don’t regret it like I did.

As for me, after all of this, I don’t know if I can post content on here again.

I’d gone well beyond hoping for another chance at this community. All I’ve been thinking about these past two months was how I would have wanted to say goodbye.

Now that I have my account back, I’m currently filled with more numbness and bitterness than any joy or relief. I don’t know if I can create content anymore for a platform that has hurt me so deeply, no matter how much its community means to me. This experience changed me, and I’ve taken damage that isn’t going to go away so easily.

As I think about what to do moving forward, for now, you can find me on my accounts that I WAS active on these past two months. They aren’t the same, but they were all I had.

If you read this message until the end, thank you.

Again, I might decide to post on here again. I might not. But for now, here’s again what I’ve been wanting to say for two months:

Thank you, Tumblr. And goodbye.

-Kazu

(yukipri.tumblr.com)

https://twitter.com/YukiPri_Art

https://www.patreon.com/YukiPri

[coolkidstable]

guess who’s back!

it’s been like a week but i am BACK BABY! as you can guess i have mixed feelings about that entire series, which were amplified by the fact that i actually went to that game - yes, game 4 - as a (slightly early) birthday present from my brother. this is truly just 2.3k words of me being emo and getting personal, but it helped me process everything. and sorry for the lack of a read more but i’m on mobile lmao

i made it clear to both family and friends that i wanted this series to be a close one, for the home team to win each game, and for it to be a hard fought series that shows just how good both of these teams are. (maybe this wasn’t as clear on tumblr, but the decision to step away was made abruptly, though i’m very glad i did it.) that, well, didn’t happen. the canes are a great team, and their success wasn’t a fluke. don’t even try to suggest that. but this series didn’t work for them, for reasons that i really don’t know but may be revealed with time. who knows. regardless, it was a fantastic run and while i wish the ending wasn’t so bitter, i’m so proud of this team and all that they accomplished this season. the future is bright, and this time “next year will be better” isn’t just a hope - it’s a promise.

i really wanted them to score a goal, though. i love tuukka, and i want him to win those two trophies so badly, but i was really hoping he’d give up a goal. obviously, the canes’ chances of coming back to win the series were slim to none, but one last goal would’ve been a way to end the season on a somewhat promising note. and it’s weird and a bit sad that i went to 3 home games this season, and didn’t even get to hear raise up in person - two shutouts and a whalers night for which brass bonanza played instead.

that’s not the main reason, though. i was at this game with my brother, whose main team is the canes, who just got back into hockey late last season, opting to root for his local team over his childhood rangers and getting to see such an incredible run. he just wanted to see a goal to ease the blow, and i was right there with him. it was expected, though, and he’s not crushed or anything. he went to some pretty special games this season, including both the first storm surge and the first playoff win, and he knows that the rest of our family is happy. and really, that’s what it all comes back to - family.

the first bruins game that i have even the vaguest of memories of watching is the 2010 winter classic against the flyers. i’m not even 100% sure if i watched any of it; i just remember asking my dad why they were playing outside and catching glimpses of the game while he watched. he and my mom, once diehard bruins fans, had become fairweather fans upon moving to north carolina in 2003. the bruins, quite frankly, sucked, and games were rarely on tv. meanwhile, the patriots were quite the opposite. the bruins soon started to improve and began to creep back into our lives. i remember the 2011 cup finals, and not knowing a single player other than zdeno chara - the Tall One - and tim thomas - the Brick Wall. i don’t remember much else, but i was there in some capacity.

then came 2013. a series against the leafs. a historical game 7 comeback from a 4-1 deficit. i remember watching bits and pieces of this game on two different TVs - first the main one downstairs, where my dad was watching, only because it was the playoffs. he didn’t watch or care about regular season hockey - i didn’t even know there’d just been a lockout. when he gave up on this game, he went upstairs to go to bed and turned on the tv for background noise while i hung around to say goodnight. we were almost done when nathan horton scored the first goal, and from there, we watched history unfold. i was losing my mind - was this what i’d been missing out on?

from there, i watched the rest of the playoffs, and i haven’t looked back since. first i watched this young undersized rookie defenseman by the name of torey krug take the rangers by storm, then i watched the bruins hand the penguins‘ asses to them in a swift 4-game sweep that began with a shutout on my birthday, and then i watched the bruins lose a hard-fought series against the chicago racistlogos in the blink of an eye. it was a rollercoaster of a postseason, and i spent most of my free time learning about the game and my new favorite player, who i must regretfully admit was seguin. every game brought me closer to my dad, as before the game 7 comeback, i’d never join him to watch sports, or anything, really. in turn, it allowed him to reconnect with the sport he’d once loved most of all.

the next season was a good one as well: my first full season, the first game i ever attended in person, and the bruins winning the president’s trophy. that season ended in disappointment, but it was a good run, and i grew an appreciation for every single member of that bruins team. (nowadays, i guess that attitude is what the kids would call my brand.)

halfway through that season, i discovered hockey tumblr. i didn’t really make content or liveblog or even talk in the tags, and i never made any lasting connections, but still, it was a community that i greatly enjoyed. it also opened my eyes to other teams, and i started to experiment with the whole having more than one team thing - yeah, those were my stars fan days, among other questionable choices that aren’t important right now. this is also where the canes first came into my life, though not as a true second team until much more recently. things were changing, and not always for the better.

the 2014-15 season was fun, though i wasn’t able to watch as many games due to not knowing about r/NHLStreams or anything of that nature. regardless, the bruins just simply weren’t very good, and the season ended in disappointment. a few months later, hockey became very disappointing for reasons i won’t get into, and this coincided with my second emo phase (see: my current url). i ended up jumping ship for bandom tumblr and the life of a panic! at the disco stan.

still, i kept up with the 2015-16 season a little. it kinda sucked, but it was fine. i still loved the team - i just wasn’t really invested anymore. and maybe it was for the best given how busy school was that year. the next season went much the same, only this time, the bruins made the playoffs, i had just about given up on using tumblr at all, and there was this new kid on the team named sean kuraly.

the 2017 playoffs were odd. i hadn’t watched many games that season, and i hadn’t watched a bruins playoff game since the last time i was truly invested in hockey. still, it wasn’t like a switch flipped and i suddenly stanned the bruins again. i spent all the games in that series playing pokémon moon while occasionally glancing at the screen to see what was happening. i wasn’t even truly playing the game; i’d already beaten it and was merely trying my hand at shiny hunting a jangmo’o by hatching dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of eggs, nicknaming them, and randomly trading them over the internet. it was mindless enough to pay attention, and pay attention i did.

it was kind of like the rangers series, on a smaller and less successful scale. much like torey krug before him, sean kuraly came out with a bang and made bruins fans love hockey again - or maybe i’m just projecting. regardless, you know he scored the 2OT winner, and you know about the kuraleap. i don’t remember how many jangmo’os named sean, kuraly, and sean kuraly i traded to the lucky people of pokémon sun and moon wondertrade, but the humber was definitely higher than 52. the bruins did lose the series, but i was interested again.

when the 2017 draft happened, i felt a special connection to it by virtue of these boys being the right age to be in the same high school graduating class as me. this draft piqued my interest in a way no other since 2014 truly had (unpopular opinion on 2015, i know, especially considering my favorite player was drafted fourteenth that year), and you know what? it had been a few months since i’d been active on tumblr, but i searched a few tags and started peaking back at hockey tumblr. i was almost convinced i should dive back in and redo my account for the second time, but i had college orientation to worry about, and by the time i returned, the motivation was lost.

until the 2017-18 home opener. you all know i love jake debrusk, and you probably know he scored his first nhl goal in that game (alongside charlie mac). you’ve seen the video and/or gifs of his dad crying. but beyond all that, it was just a damn good game. i had so much fun watching it - in boston, no less, because finally, after all those years trapped in my hometown, i was where i wanted to be - that i just had to get involved with hockey tumblr again. watching on my own wasn’t going to be enough, i knew.

and so, tumblr user @david-pastrnak returned. honestly, that season was fun, but the first half felt like a blur - likely just because it was my first semester of college. i even went to my first bruins home game in november, and though it wasn’t a good one, it was fun. they picked up the season with a win against tampa on the day i met my favorite band, and somehow, that seemed important. soon i saw my first live bruins win on td garden ice, and even went to a few more games, during which i watched as my grandma grew to love hockey and the bruins, bringing us closer together. it was around this time that i truly embraced the hurricanes, too, and having that second team that i truly care about and love has made being a hockey fan so much fun. it was also around this time that i rediscovered my love for writing. things were changing for the better, but they were only getting started. even when the bruins lost in disappointing fashion to the lightning, i knew things were going to be okay - better, even.

the off-season was mostly uneventful, but towards the end and into the beginning of the season, i ended up in a few group chats with others on here. some of these are still active while others are not, but regardless, i connected with a lot more people, got better at making conversation, and, most importantly, found some of the best friends i’ve ever had. you don’t really expect to meet a lifelong friend on the internet, never mind several, but i’ve gotten incredibly lucky!

this season has been special. i started going to games more often, grew to care about every member of this team more than i’ve probably ever cared about the entire team, and made some incredible friends who i’m blessed to know. and beyond me, this season has been incredible. you know that if you’re reading this, so i won’t get into it all. there were ups and downs, there were moments we thought we’d be golfing in april, and now we’re going to the stanley cup final. the last time this happened, i had just started watching hockey and was still learning. i was also a literal child who still thought i was straight. a lot has changed since then, and somehow, this stanley cup final feels like a culmination of everything i’ve been through with and because of this team. winning the cup isn’t just about how happy it would make jake, how much tuukka deserves it, or whether sean would hand it to danton or vice versa. it’s not about watching to see who helps wags lift it without damaging his injured hand further. it’s not even about watching the look of pure joy on pasta’s face and thinking back to his draft day and my bold, unwarranted, yet correct claim that he would be one of, if not the best player to come out of the 2014 draft. no matter how much they mean to me, winning the cup isn’t about the players.

winning the cup this season would be a celebration of all the friends i’ve made, the stories we’ve shared, and the connections we’ve made. winning the cup would be a celebration of how much closer hockey has brought me to my family. shit, winning the cup would be a celebration of kureinen and all our fun memes because why the hell not?

winning the cup isn’t about the players, or the team, or the parade, or the bragging rights for fans of boston sports. winning the cup is about the deeply meaningful and even just the fun ways in which hockey and the community on here have positively impacted our lives.

and even if we don’t, it’s okay. this season has been by far the best i’ve ever watched, and no matter what happens, it’s one i’ll always remember.

but hey, if we do, i’ll get my first tattoo to commemorate it. speaking of playoff promises, from now on, i’m going to have to talk like anders bjork on here so checkurohhhhhhhh

[fairyking]

implying ur no longer a big king stan?,,, spill that tea...........

I mean I still kinda like him or else i wouldn’t want to keep my url even if it not associated with him it pretty fking rad although I kinda found things about his character that i don’t like and heavily dislike in which made me less of his stan.

My opinion on him or tea™️ is gonna stay under the read more so like if ur gonna be rude and call me names over a me liking of a fictional character I would suggest to stop reading now

okay now given i been in this fandom now for like 3-4yrs so there things that bound to make me be ehhh or angry in which came up with me unfortunately over analysing stuff.

first of all im gonna list the things that made me his fan, i love his stupid nerdy babu design and no not in the ‘i love sh0ta design uwu’ cuz boy that a rant for another day with my hatred of sh0tac0n/l0lic0n, it just made his behaviour of being nervous, unconfident despite being a show off bastard and insecure all that amazing. i love it so much and the fact he wanted to protect everything despite him acknowledging that it nearly impossible to do and that he doesn’t have the power to that is just ahhh i will always love characters that would give themselves up to protect their love ones also he was not a buff man so hey i wouldn’t look at him with disgusts added bonus that i came of the ft high and so i had a thing for faeries at the time lol.

first thing first the actual fact king did nothing to help ban get his sister back within those 100 chapters that had ban trying to get her back is a bit ?????????? like he was presented in the capital of the dead arc as if he gave so much shit about his sister to only then be like ‘elaine who?’ that always been so bizarre for me with that strong ‘i will do anything to protect my sister’ to 'read at 5:45 pm’ which also links into why didn’t he go back to fairy forest to let them know what happen with helbram since before he got arrested he went back to diane to erase her memories. like boy what happen to you wanting to protect/care for everything, he decided that the fairy clan + elaine wasn’t worth the trouble of explaining the situation before getting arrested but diane getting her memories erased worth the trouble.

which brings me into my next issue with king, his weird relationship with diane. now im gonna state this i dont ship nor notp kiane it 100% a valid ship that i unfortunately cant get behind or like myself, it being canon is cool with me and i wouldn’t want it any other way for them, i would like to mention that diane isn’t one of my fav characters so it not even me being bitter over ships. I absolutely can’t understand in what world was it sensible for king to just erase her memories, there was no gain for diane to loose her memories like king seem to think cuz he just a ‘bad’ person despite treating her lovely during her childhood and felt that bad about breaking his promise that he had to get rid of her memoires but like??? boy could just let her wait, it okay to wait to meet up again there was no logic for him to erase her memioes like he did, if anything he created more problems by doing that, like sorry i can’t feel empathy for your story if u made this mess yourself since with melizabeth it the parents stupidity for the angst that happen with them and with banlaine unfortunate timing and rip interracial relationship with angst.

king is a grown man, nothing anybody say can tell me otherwise he meant to be seen as an adult so im gonna judge him as an adult, the dude can’t take legit blame for himself like the death of helbram wasn’t his fault, it understandable that it wasnt his fault but he blames himself that what we call self hate and that okay! however what doesn’t slide with me is the fact he so quick to judge on other characters to the point where it not even funny, like with ban he blames him, a human for the forest that can’t be burn from normal flames stated by elaine herself and then goes on to say ban is an awful human despite him clearly seeing his love and care for elaine, ban also not being a dickhead and healing him but king doesn’t even recognised that and even thought that law was better cuz 'despite looking like ban he seemed better’ and haha you can see how that went :)

which brings me up to recent events in the manga, i do like the new design king got HOWEVER that not the king i was attached to through the story, it literally a different character with the name king attached, he lost that cute insecure/i want to protect everybody feeling to his character and became this character that so overly confidently that overly showy bastard is just so unfitting and annoying now and it feels so unearned im sorry but gods i want his old personality back not the 'its okay im here to do everything cuz i have the power :) personality that he giving off now

and that pretty much the tea™️ sorry i went on a tangent but these are my thoughts and hey maybe it will change in the future who knows but this is the current opinion i have on him

tldr: king had alot of attributes that i loved in the beginning and unfortunately some of the glaring issues with his character came too much for me and the recent chapter made me not like him as much

there probs other reasons but these are the ones that come to mind rn

[pesh-tigo]

sorry if this is too personal -- are you on hiatus from DV because you're bored of it or because of something else (don't need to specify if it's personal)? you were the one who got me hyped up for DV so if it's because you're bored as well... then RIP

Hey friend! No worries at all. (Is the internet not for oversharing and being too personal?) Kind of a mix of both to be honest. The “something else” part is that I had a really shitty job IRL that sucked all the life out of me, and then got a new job that I am really enjoying and have been doing other things with my life / playing other games that are more interesting to me (any of yall gonna play fallout 76? hmu).....

The “bored of it” part isn’t just strict boredom, again it’s kind of a mix of reasons. I still love a lot about Dappervolk but I think there are a lot of fair criticisms about it. I’m definitely... not the only one who’s grown a little distant from it. I guess I wish there was more interaction besides “click 1000 and read through this story”--for example, I just finished Visindy’s first part of the Silvie’s Mine storyline (yeah, yeah, that’s how far behind I am). There was a part in the story where it said something like “you look around and the cave is shining with crystals all around” (or something like that) and I thought, damn, how cool would it have been if there was an image that popped up, even if it were in the painterly style/not super detailed, that gave us an idea of what we could be picturing and what this cave looks like? Idk, I guess maybe some others would disagree and would rather picture it on their own? But for me I would love more visuals and things like that.

But I just don’t feel as engaged with the story and characters as I would have liked to and a lot of it does seem a bit grindy, and I’m not sure if I feel like it’s worth it to spend all the time grinding, because I don’t really know what I’m grinding for. Maybe once the premium shop comes into effect and there are big ticket items, but otherwise idk. And not to say that I dislike grinding, I’m fine with grinding, as long as it’s enjoyable.... but after you’ve created 500 “1 nip for 1 nip” trades it gets a lil bit tiring. Also in games, I like exploring, finding new things and locations, etc. It would be cool if there were new secret locations on the map that we could unlock by doing or completing certain things that weren’t part of the main storyline. I think I would be much more into the game if housing/guilds were around, so that’s one thing I can think of for official launch that I could get really into. Especially if I could interact with other players in real time. Don’t get me started about the issues with Adventuring. I hope to see a big improvement by the time official launch comes around, and I’m certain the staff will do so.

Also with the whole “datamining” accusations I just got so tired lmao. I felt like some folks were not-so-subtly hinting that I was an asshole for gathering info/spoilers or finding a cool thing and posting excitedly about it to keep the hype going (”we wanted this to be a surprise but SOME PEOPLE had to go ruin the fun for everyone” or acting like grabbing a image URL from a page was equivalent to hacking into the site) and tbh I got a lil bitter because of it. Not saying that I wasn’t in the wrong, I followed the rules afterwards and apologized, it was my bad, and I understand that the staff was upset and not everyone wanted to see easter eggs/spoilers. I’ve just never been on a site that had a rule against it before, or be so strict about it what is and isn’t “datamining”. So I kinda stopped working on spreadsheets and such because the energy and passion wasn’t there anymore (a super lame thing to say about spreadsheets, yeah, that’s my life).

Anyway, I’m sorry that you’re also feeling bored/detached from the site (that’s what I think you’re saying). And sorry that I can’t give you any reason or motivation to get back into it. :C Maybe after full launch things will be better? God I hope I’m more invested seeing as I invested hundreds of dollars into the site..... /sweatdrop I don’t have any plans for any more spreadsheets or polls, or to edit/finish any of the current ones I have out there, but maybe in the future I will. Also sorry this got so long, you sent me an ask right at the time I was looking into getting back into the site to finish out the story for beta (although I’m stuck at a part I literally can’t beat in time for the end of beta, so fuck me I guess) and reminiscing about things that have happened the past few months. If you want to discuss anything, feel free to hit me up again on here or on Discord. I guess this is kinda drama-y, sorry if this starts anything. I’m really not trying to start anything; I can honestly say I don’t care enough to do so. 

[mercurialsmile]

Just me musing and looking back 

Honestly looking back on last year and uhh how much I changed is really interesting. Fandom-wise I guess. AKA I am not r in a fandom... or at least i dont feel I am and I don’t identify as being in one. 

Like. It’s kinda a two-edged sword tho? Bc like. I still write ff and write original works and it kinda sucks that my writing barely gets any notes/kudos/comments/whatever and I feel kinda forgotten or like no one cares.

But at the same time, it’s really freeing? I don’t have to worry about writing X amount of prompts or watching everything I say/do.

Tho, it is kinda funny I’ve gotten more anon hate now than when I was in fandom but. I also think that’s more me not giving a shit abt the opinions I post and less about anything else. 

And though I feel forgotten and a bit discouraged when it comes to posting my writing, I feel so much happier with my writing in a lot of ways. I feel like I can write what I want again and that I can write for myself again, which is something I lost at the height of my work while in fandom. I have a lot more freedom with my original stories and I feel like. I’m moving forward and accomplishing things, not just stuck in the mud. I can freely tell people that hell yeah I’ve written a novel, without my brain hanging onto the but it’s fanfiction sorta thing. 

I lost a lot of people I talked to and knew due to me changing blogs and distancing myself, but at the same time, I’m so under the radar I feel like I also lost a lot of people who hated me too. Though said people still make me paranoid, and always will unless they, you know, tell me they don’t hate me (which is impossible as I got them blocked lol) 

But in the end? They are going their own way, I am going mine, I have them blocked, and I never gotta deal with those ugly people ever again. Plus, going on my own means, for the most part, I won’t be apart of any discourse.

Though, thinking back, I wasn’t really a discourse sorta person either. I never attracted it nor did I really get into a lot of discourse, which is pretty nice. 

Honestly, I do sometimes miss fandom. I miss people reading my stuff, the anon asks, people telling me how much they liked my writing, and posting a lot and getting The Attention TM. I also miss interacting with people in general and some portions of the community.

But at the same time, I don’t miss feeling upset if something I did wasn’t as popular as someone else’s and the jealousy that came from that. Nor do I miss the pressure and the general toxicity from fandom either, the entitlement readers can have, and feeling like, as a person, a means to an end (AKA people recognizing me for just my fanfiction and not my writing in general)

But overall? I think leaving fandom at the time I did was the best thing I ever did, and I honestly can’t imagine myself if I had stayed in the bd fandom. I wouldn’t have made so many wonderful OCs and original stories and stuff.

At the same time, I kinda can’t completely knock the bd fandom nor anything of that sort. It’s how I met a lot of friends, such as Angel, (among others) and how I got back into writing after running out of steam for my first fic. It’s what led me to go back to writing original stories and taught me a lot about... internet courtesy and things of that sort. 

Earlier last year, the few months after I left fandom, I felt raw, like an open wound. It hurt, I was bitter and angry, and I feel like I lost... everything. I am a very materialistic person, so deleting my old blog, erasing what I had built up for myself, stung. I actually did cry when I realized I had to delete my blog and leave fandom. I cried even more during the week I was moving things over to my new blog, and was numb and tired and miserable as I hit the delete button on my old blog.

But sitting here, with a new-ish blog, and a even a new URL to boot with a lovely Christmas!Gabriel as my avatar, I do think it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself in terms of mentally, emotionally, and for my future when it comes to writing. 

I don’t feel as shackled by tumblr or online---it feels like a minor hobby or thing to pass the time, not this major thing in my life, and honestly? That’s perfect for me. I wouldn’t want anything else. 

[minblush]

These goals the boys (bighit) are begging for are promoting such a toxic atmosphere in this fandom. Almost cult-like. But you are a breathe of fresh air bc even some big blogs i liked for being "real" are now into this sheep mentality, this is scary.

Anonymous said:+ kinda funny Pied Piper exist when they are demanding so much lol

i agree that it doesn’t help with the atmosphere in the fandom, it’s gotten so much worse correlating with how much the boys asked of us and how much more the company focused on promoting them based on the records and numbers :( and i also think it’s pretty ironic coming up with that song now with how much they and the company had been asking and doing to get money out of us… i’m also bitter with bighit’s treatment of foreign fans because of what happened today, but anyways.. wish they gave us better things to focus on, at some point we are going to reach the limit and their goals will never be met and the fandom will always remain feeling guilty about it, so i wish the boys had more vague or personal goals instead of giving us specific numbers

anonymous  asked:

personally i think most of the fandom shows so much blind faith to the boys, to the point that it’s very unhealthy. of course, there’s nothing wrong with people wanting to show support for their faves, but some people show unwavering dedication to whatever they want. it’s kind of annoying and they think it makes them look like better fans when in reality they just show they’re in capable of anything realistic

i think it’s like that with most fandoms that are built around real people, because it’s so time consuming and there are a lot of things you have to deal with, but it reached pretty critical levels in our fandom, any time anyone says something negative it’s just HYSTERICS about how fake of a fan you are, or that you’re too dramatic for even thinking outside of anything the company/group wants you to… but yeah i agree with you, always gotta look at things with some level of realism

Anonymous said:ok in the beginning i didn’t really agree with you but now i do. i totally see ur point. ofc they have goals and they should have, but when what they achieve is because of us it can kinda feel like we’re stepping stones??? if u know w i mean. it’s great with ambitions but when you achieve something pls revel in it a bit more before being like “ok BUT now we want more thanks”. or have goals such as development as musicians and vocalists or smth that isn’t based on numbers… i sound bitter lol

yeah that’s how i feel too, and i think they shouldn’t make us feel that way as fans, they used to have many goals like that, about self-development, making good music, connecting more, expressing themselves better, but this time around it’s all charting and records and yeah, and what more it’s even specific numbers, and that’s just blergh.. you know the fandom will be disappointed with itself if we don’t get them to hot 50 next time

Anonymous said:I miss the time where the only things I understood about kpop were that the groups were large and that the members could sing and dance. I’ve never given a fuck about 1st places in music shows and daesangs tbh I still don’t get how all of this works properly. But i started making a big deal of it since the boys first win and at the time it was meaningful but like right now? I don’t even check if they won or not because I know they did. (1)

Anonymous said:It doesn’t feel the same because these wins and prices and stuff just don’t feel as rewarding as before idk how to explain it. I kind of have a feeling that all of this happens just because of the popularity so it’s just meeeh to me (I mean I’m always delighted and super happy whenever they got something, it just doesn’t feel the same anymore, kind of a routine, I got used to it too son I guess) anyway, about the streaming drama that is happening. (2)

Anonymous said: I’m sure that if I ever dare speak these words into life under an URL I’d be destroyed but, I didn’t change my location when streaming the album and I didn’t let my laptop run overnight to stream the MV. I mostly stream because I want to hear the songs and because I want the boys to get some money out of it. It’s great that they achieved the hot100 and it would be great if they make it into the top50, top20… Of course. (3)

Anonymous said:Call me dramatic but the achievement doesn’t feel that genuine to me, because they made it through people streaming while working, sleeping, eating, doing everything but listening to the songs iywim so it’s just because the fandom worked extra hard not because the song made it into the mainstream ears?  Idk nothing feels right lately and the boys have their mind flying over the moon and I hope they will get a break soon so they can reflect and think (4)

Anonymous said:about everything and put their wants and goals straight again. Because they give me the impression that they won’t stop because everything is going so fast and nothing feels impossible to them rn they really need a break. I have a lot to say but I feel that this ask is messy enough as it is. Thank you if you read all of this (5)

Yeah it’s true and only natural that the more awards / wins there are, the less it means to everyone, both us and the boys. I don’t think we’ll get a moment like their first daesang again tbh, i’m really grateful i experienced that moment live.

and you’re right that people are really awful with the streaming, i saw so much guilting everywhere.. like sorry, i work full time,i can’t leave the mv playing 24/7, i do what i can as a fan, everyone tries to help within their means.

it’s just that now it feels like even those sacrifices we make aren’t enough, because in the end we will always be asked and expected to do even more.

and i agree with you, honestly this album felt from scratch like it was made to get them a lot of success, but it lost a lot of what people like them for in the process (the boys’ input, their sincerety about the result), i was hoping that once they would achieve that HUGE goal that they talked about for years, that they and us would breathe out and feel like, yeah we got there, now we can do what matters. but i guess there is still more and more, they just want more sigh, i just hope that once it all starts going down (which it has to eventually) that it won’t be too harsh on them, i know they worry about it a lot

Anonymous said:1. I agree w everything youre saying rn. Before the live stages i honestly only liked mic drop and now gogo is up there too - all because of the vibe their stages give off. If not for that id continue feeling detached from it all, from them. This is my first proper comeback aswell ( other than the ynwa repackage ) and its honestly not what i expected. Esp w wings and now the theme of love yourself, i really expected more… sincerity? Idk if thats the right word. But that could be explained byAnonymous said:2. The fact that the boys didnt have as much of an imput in the album as their previous ones. Which i get w the company wanting to make the most of how big they are and wanted to make sure the album was great but. Idk, i feel like they couldve trusted the boys more since it was them that got themselves here in the first place ( not that bighit was just sitting back chilling but i hope you know what I mean ). And although I was starting to fall back into the hype of the comeback

Anonymous said:3. The recent vlive kind of put me off.. theyre all exhausted, thats so clear. Tae barley said anything and they all just need a rest tbh. And this may just be me being petty and sour, but when Namjoon started saying how they should talk about how they felt after their billboard win nobody really responded? And even Namjoon cut himself off and food became the main topic. Which is good, im glad theyre eating, but i hope you see what i mean? Man idk. Sorry for the length of these

yeah it was like that for me too, but seeing them up there reminded me of why they are the best for me ;-; i also wish for that, cause tbh the songs where boys could say something more were the the best ones on the album and made me FEEL things, while other songs, even if they were fun, they were just empty to me, like empty radio bops, sadly. i’m sorry the vlive put you off, i thought it was cute, though they were tired. i didn’t pay much attention to tae not talking, because he is often like that during broadcasts tbh, he isn’t as talkative as the others during group settings, and secondly he is a rEALLY moody kid, so since they are all tired (they did this between fansigns as well) ofc he would be sitting there with his arms crossed, that’s just how he is. however i agree that the billboard part was weird, the broadcast was to celebrate it but when namjoon tried talking about it they changed the subject after a minute when nobody was enthusiastic at all.. it just makes you feel like, you work so hard to get them these awards to make them happy, right? but if they’re not even really all that into it, then it’s all about the sales and the media play and the cred, so what are we doing it for? but that is me being bitter i guess ;-;

Anonymous said:my first comeback too and i’m a bit disappointed with the (i forgot the word) “theme” of the album compared to hyyh and wings (started when i saw the highlight reels… they’re beautiful but shallow lol). dgmw i love the songs they’re bops but something’s missing and i kinda hoped for “deeper” goals and messages. my other fave bands have goals such as individual and musical growth, learning new things, feeling better about their music and lyrics etc. i love them this won’t change that but still

the word is concept, and yeah me too. i agree with everything you say. i want to hear something more sincere next time, both music wise and their goals wise. like did y’all read the statement bighit had namjoon say after they got onto the hot 100?

“Our dreams are coming true this week with a number one entrance to 73 countries on iTunes, and we are excited to share it with ARMY. We are very thankful for Billboard’s support from the beginning, and excited that Love Yourself: Her is charting at No. 7 on the Hot 200 and No. 85 on the HOT 100 for "DNA” on the Billboard charts.”

this is the most robotic and number focused speech ever and it just makes me feel really -_- just be real with us dakjsd please

Anonymous said:honestly thank you so much for staying real and not being all up their asses.. like you can love a group and still be logical about things and staying true to yourself. it’s refreshing

ha thank you, i wish this wasn’t something i had to be thanked for though… i’m just hyper focused on making sure all my opinions are my own, otherwise i’d lose track of myself as a person

[natsv]

Do you dislike Fairy Tail now? I can sense some bitterness from you sometimes but you still do keep your url? (I hope it doesn't sound rude the way I phrased it, english isn't my first language. I'm just curious because I fell out of love with the manga too )

Not that I dislike it now but…just extremely frustrated by it all together?? I still love the series but really disappointed the manga ended after Alvarez arc which was so promising at the beginning but ended up so terribly. 

What’s up with vilains being related to heroes’ side. Looking at August and Eileen dubbed as the strongest of Alvarez who just decided to commit instead of killing the one they suddently cared about.(aka Mashima didn’t know how to defeat them so let’s have them commit suicide instead since apparently Mashima thinks it’s such a noble move…*sigh*)

 August’s conclusion was executed nicely tbh while Eileen’s…I don’t even know where to begin tbh… What was that point of her being the “mother” of all dragons etc. and related to Erza if she was going to end up like this. Wasted potentials for her and a lot of events throughout this last arc which kinda left a bitter taste in the mouth lol

What’s up with all the revivals or “nah I’m not dead” moments occuring too.Like I can’t believe at some point in the arc I really believed Makarov was dead…. Any sense of danger was gone for me by the end of this arc…

And even the pairings in the end didn’t seem to get anything done after all those years of teasing from Mashima. Ga/jevy is the big winner, Gr/uvia yeah,Na/lu on same as ever and Jerza “it’s complicated” pftt. Zer/vis apparently also got more pages to them in the finale even if they already had a conclusion before.

And in the end, they go on a other adventure! Perhaps would have felt more nostalgic if it wasn’t for all the things that occured beforehand…

I don’t really feel like changing my url that’s why I’m gonna keep it as “natsv” well if I come across a canon url one day then maybe I’ll change it which I don’t think so LOL xo (And Natsu also happens to be the name of my fav girl in Baby steps so yeah I’ll keep it as such)

[dolfinsatdawn]

While I wait patiently for hurricane Irma to barge in on FL next week, I might as well do this question-y thing that my fellow Turn fan tagged me in! Might be stuff you were always curious about OR alternatively stuff you couldn't care less about, but hey. Here it is.

Thanks for the fun @greenofallshades​

  I think there's supposed to be 100 questions. I started numbering them, but because I'm spacy I totally forgot to do the rest. So, here you go.

I'm tagging: @lou-who, @dying-suffering-french-stalkers, and anyone else who wants to do this (because my computer is glitching when I try to tag).

1. The meaning behind my url:  dolfinsatdawn. This was me trying to upgrade to something more artsy sounding but still had something from my childhood obsession with dolphins it.

2. A picture of me: EHHHHHH. I'm kinda squeamish about this. If ya'll really REALY want to see a picture maybe I will.

3. How many tattoos i have and what they are:  Lol I don't do the whole "permanent on your skin" stuff. I do love henna tattoos though. Anything semi-permanent is super fun.

4. Last time i cried and why: I cried when I found out my grandpa was in the hospital last week. He's okay though. I'm going to visit him soon.

5, Favorite band:  THE BEATLES. Hands down. I also like a lot of classical and film scores so, the only real band I love 100% is the Beatles.

6. Biggest turn offs:  Not respecting my personal space. It takes me a REALLY long time to get used to people (especially boys), so touching without my permission is really upsetting and people who do are immediately on my NOPE list. Also, men who constantly talk about money. I REALLY hate that. I don't care how much you make compared to everyone else.

7. Top 5 (insert subject): Top five places I want to travel to next!  1. Tokyo!  2. Washington State  3. Germany!!! 4. China!  5. Nepal!

8. Favorite place to be alone? I love doing everything alone. I'm so happy to go out and just chill without the stress of other people. I love going on walks alone especially in really pretty places like beaches.

9. Biggest turn ons: umm....I dunno sense of humor? Kind eyes....Classy clothes are a MUST.

 10. Age: old enough to drink even though I don't

11. Ideas of a perfect date: One where my date doesn't "forget his wallet in his car" and make me pay for dinner before driving me home without paying me back for his half. (I'm not bitter about this dude AT ALL.)

12. Life goal: Publish my book series so there's something for people to remember me by.

13. Piercings i want: None really. I throw around getting my ears done, but I'm not really into punching holes in my skin.

14. Relationship status: SUPER SINGLE and livin it up.

15. Favorite movie: . UGH dude this is so hard. There's three main ones I watch whenever and I always love them: Pride and Prejudice 2005, Howl's Moving Castle, and Austenland!

 16. A fact about my life:  I've spent 13 years in the same house and I'm totally okay with that. (Yes I commuted to college from home and no I didn't regret it AT ALL.)

17. Phobia:  Spiders. Terrible fear of spiders. I'm also afraid of the dark a little bit and tornados.

.18. Height: 5'2"

19. Are you a virgin?  Heck yea! And proud of it! 

20. What is your shoe size?  4-5 depending on who makes them.

21. What’s your sexual orientation?  straight

22. Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?   Nope. I don't like alcohol and I'd prefer not to kill my brain cells I'll need those for grad school.

23. Someone you miss: My grandma. She was the most fun person and I could call her any time and we'd talk for hours. She died in February and I miss her all the time.

24. What’s one thing you regret?  I regret how judgemental I was in high-school. It caused a lot of problems with my best friend. We're okay now, and I've apologized, but it caused a lot of wasted stress and fights we didn't need to have.

25. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:  J.J. Field

26. Favorite ice cream?  CAKE BATTER!

27. One insecurity: Body image. I used to be very athletic and I miss that a lot. I feel really gross and lazy. I also stress eat a LOT.

28. What my last text message says:  To me - I finally found a Publix that has water.  From me - How am I like your dad?!

29. What's the most creative thing you've done recently: I decorated the house for fall!

30. What's the last song you listened to? Six Weeks by Of Monsters And Men

31. What do your favorite Pj's look like? I have a shirt that says "my cat doesn't like you" that I wear whenever we have guests over.

Have you ever stole money from a friend?  no.

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?  Lol nope!

Have you ever been in a fist fight?  I punched my brother a few times, but like...we weren't fighting.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?  Yeah he had a girlfriend.

Have you ever been arrested?  No

Have you ever made out with a stranger?  Ew no

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?  Yes I loved doing this at my grandma's house.

Have you ever been lonely?  HA. Who hasn't...?

Have you ever been to a club?  I went to a boat party once (I hated it) and they played that weird club music so that's the closest I've ever been to a club. I go to sports bars all the time for wings though.

 Have you ever felt an earthquake?  Nope you don't get those down here in FL really.

Have you ever touched a snake?  I LOVE SNAKES. They feel so fun. Snakes need love all the time.

Have you ever ran a red light?  Yes. It was 2 am. I was coming home from a theater show I was in. (They kept me late painting sets) and I turned left on red without stopping because I didn't even register that the light was red until I had already done it.

Have you ever been in a car accident?   Yes. They totaled my car. Scariest thing ever.

 Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?  Yah

Have you ever sang karaoke?  I think I did, but not in front of people. My grandparents had a Karaoke machine that my cousins and I all played with.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?   Yah like continuing to eat Mcdonalds at 2am when my brother comes home lol.

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?  No! XD I've seen someone else do it though.

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?  nope.

Have you ever dream that you married someone? Nope. I don't usually have love-related dreams.

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?  No, but I got it stuck to an icicle that I licked once.

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked?  I was homeschooled so I worked in my PJ's a lot.

Have you ever brushed your teeth?   ???? do people NOT brush their teeth????

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?  yeah I couldn't watch Black Mirror alone. Otherwise I don't watch scary movies.

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?  Naw. I might be tiny, but I fight hard. People know better.

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?  nope

Have you ever broken a bone?  I smashed my finger playing softball once.

Have you ever been easily amused?  I mean yeh. I watched youtube videos of people organizing stuff once for HOURS. D:

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?  Alll the time

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? no.

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?   Literally all the time. I suck at names.

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows? Uh...no? Idk I think at least someone knows everything about me.

What was your last dream?   I had pants that changed colors but never matched the outfit I had on. (It was the first dream in a week that wasn't an awful nightmare so I was thrilled!)

Would you be up for interplanetary travel if it was a thing?  YES YES YES. SEND ME TO SPACE! Its like being in the age of sail all over! Adventure! new planets! LET ME GO!

If you could travel back in time, where would you go?  18th century or Victorian era.

Do you prefer tech or real books for reading?   Books!!!

Do you dread doctor visits or do they not bother you?   I think they're a waste of time, but I'm not afraid of doctors.

Favorite fashion decade of the twentieth century? 1910's or 1920's. Edwardian (Titanic clothes) or Flapper (Gatsby).

Are you wearing nail polish and if so, what color?   YES I'm wearing the Northern Lights OPI color from the new Iclandic line. I LOVE nail polish.

 Are you into working out or no?  Yes, but it has to be fun. I hate machines and gyms. Dance is much more my style.

Do you have a temper?   Doesn't everyone? Mine's really buried though so you really gotta mess up and push me to get it to come out. I don't have the energy to be angry about a lot of stuff.

Do you have one item you treat yosef with, and if so, what is it?   SUGAR SCRUBS

Do you eat meat?  YEA I basically live at Chickfila.

If yes, how do you like it cooked?  Depends on the meat. Steak Med-Rare and chicken usually grilled well (no thank you to salmonella).

Ever had a boss or a teacher you absolutely hated?  HA basically every professor at my school who gets political. I'm sorry I took a literature class not a political science. You can critique the world later. Please teach what I paid for.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?  Tea!

Do you wear makeup?  Yes, especially when I go to work.

If you wear perfume, what’s your scent type/favorite fragrance?  I wear the cashmere perfume from bath and body works. I don't really like high end perfumes they make my throat hurt.

Do you have a girl crush?  nah

Candles, wax melts, or incense?  Candles. I love their little flames. It reminds me of fall/Christmas.

Favorite season of the year?  FALLLLLLLLLLL

Fanfic—do you prefer smut or fluff?   Fluff. Not into smut really at all.

Do you like taking selfies?  Why or why not?   I hate taking selfies. However, when you travel alone and you want photos of yourself you gotta suck it up.

Do you want children?   Eventually, but that means wanting a husband and meh - i'll wait.

Do you prefer lots of friends or just a few good friends?  Definitely just a few. People stress me out.

Introvert or extrovert, or mixture of both?  Raging introvert.

Ocean/beach or mountains?  BOTH?!!?! Beach because it doesn't give me altitude sickness, but I love the mountains anyway.

Morning person or night person?  Night owl 10/10.

Do you initiate conversations with strangers?  not if I can help it.

Milk or dark chocolate?  Dark

What do you post on your blog?   Star wars...historical romance gifs...artwork sometimes...random other aesthetic stuff and cute things!

Is it hard for you to apologize when you’re in the wrong?   Yah I kinda have a pride thing that is hard to get past. I do apologize though. The person won't know you're sorry unless you say it.

Love at first sight?  nope.

Best/funniest Halloween memory?  This one year my best friend and I went as spies and everyone thought we were the blues brothers. It was hilarious because my friend had no idea who the blues brothers were and it got to the point where we both just said YES when people asked because it was too exhausting to say otherwise.  

Did your first crush work out or was it unrequited?  Unrequited

Do you like old movies—and by old, I mean OLD old?  I watched a silent version of Phantom of the Opera that was cool once, but usually those movies are a bit slow for me.

Do you tan or burn?  Both, but right now I'm tanning.

Do you think people deserve second chances?  Depends on what they did. Cheating? Not a chance.

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?  ELEPHANT!!! Imainge the tiny round feets and the little trunk!!!!!!

Do you have any weird food likes/dislikes?  I hate lots of foods. and I hate any food if there's too much of it.

.What’s the funniest real person’s name you’ve ever heard?   (I don't want to use his real real name, but the last name is real)  Harry Dingledien.

[codadamaged-blog]

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT THE MUN.

Repost, not reblog! Tag 6 muns you would like to get to know better when done!

Name: ellin Nickname: ellin, ello  Age: 19  Faceclaim: i vary between old muses & myself Pronouns: she / her  Height: 5′4″. Birthday: August 30 Aesthetic: blue, blankets, loaf Last song you listened to:  the good, the bad, the dirty - p!a.td

Favourite muse(s) you’ve written: zak saturday was my fucking baby. wrote him for a year, but after like a year of playing an obscure muse, things get a little repetitive ?? but that boy always has a special place in my heart. besides that, mo.rty is one of my faves now. i’m used to playing obscure muses so it’s really nice to kinda have a fandom and meet so many new people who are interested in my muse ?? like ... hella.....

What inspired you to take on your current muse (that you are posting this on): honestly, i just really wanted to move from my last fandom. i just felt the community was really small and i hit the limit of what i could do there. and i had just finally gotten into rnm so i wanted a rnm muse. i was actually highly considering ric.k or mor.ty c-137, but i thought there would already be a lot of blogs for them and i didn’t want to make one of either without someone to be my partner blog.   i wanted to play a canon character that was significant and i ended up making a lot of backstory for patches so here i am.

What are your favourite aspects of your current muse: patches is essentially supposed like c-137 but pushed too far too quickly. at the same time, his actions are almost rick-diculously similar to rick’s. he’s basically a messed up fusion of both of them, and it’s like... i get to analyze &b breakdown two characters to build my own. 

i also love......... how much room and potential there is for character development. you see him go from naive and innocent, to bitter and angry-- but he’s still a kid. and he’s still growing up. his character is largely complex (in my mind, at least) and character development is my absolute favorite things to work on.

What’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing: i listen to the damaged coda a lot (his theme & his url namesake.) there are some really good mixes and piano covers that murder me. i also look at a lot of fanart and sometimes i watch the show. ri.ck is a massive inspiration for him.

Favourite types of threads: i love threads that are dramatic, where i can really write a lot and take time to describe the emotions and motivation for a character. && i like writing out the physical reactions for emotional anguish.   but those threads are like... kinda hard to write. i have to be really in the mood for that.  other than that, i’ve been kinda tending towards quick single-para / one-liners. they’re more relaxing.

Biggest struggle in regards to your current muse: i don’t know him. i don’t know his real backstory, his real motivations. i know he’s cold enough to torture a horde of mortys just to meet his goals--- but was that an extreme for him?   when i write him, i make him more like our morty, but sometimes i’m concerned that he’s too much like morty? i have to remember that, no matter how nice he can play, he’s still fucked up enough to kidnap a legion of his alternate selves and consent to put them through torture to get what he wants. he’s still a question mark. how much is he a morty and how much is he a rick?

Tagged by: @therealricksanchezpleasestandup Tagging: @mortyiisms | @ectoplasmiic | @calypsea | @aliienborn | @redlcder | @manaborn | @rickslaughter | @mortyslaughter | i dunno who has been tagged and who h a sn’t so | but if u wanna take this from me.... tag me.....

[erenjaegur]

Snk Positivity Day 6: Love Your Series

Im gonna put this under a read more because I cant think of express my feelings on something without turning it into a full length incoherent ass essay so!!

I’ve been in the snk fandom since I was like 12 lol - Im 16 now so that’s like, five years?? I can still remember like I’d see a lot of gifs n stuff of it going around tumblr and for some reason I just really felt I wouldn’t like it like I had smthing lowkey against it?? But then I decided to watch it one day, n i still remember, I was just chilling on my laptop watching it in the sitting room, my family around me and stuff and goddd it was soo good... but it made me tear up... n bITCH I was NOT! about to cry in the sitting room around my family. I was not! prepared for that. That night I stayed up till possibly 1 or 3am just watching it, I must’ve gotten to like around episode 6 I think? I loved it so much I rlly fell in love, I finished it all in just three days.... three days of which I also went to school and stuff and had to go to my friends party.... bitch i was pissed i didnt even like that person....i just wanted to finish snk lmaooo 😭

Im pretty sure Id spend sm of my time invested in snk and looking through snk tumblrs and stuff and other fandom stuff of it, I loved it so much!!! like!! thats all I did and even then I was still forcing my friends to read/watch it. I was really cringey in 6th class wow lmaoo I would literally go around during break with the snk manga like xD!!! eren is my baby!!! saying shit like that yikes.... bitch first of all hes 4 years older than you...your literally 12.....

Especially then, when I was younger it brought me sm happiness like when little me was going through shit then little insecure young me, you know how people say u use entertainment to escape or whatever, a distraction, idk.... like that was rlly it man idk ho to describe it without sounding weird i swear it was like my main source of happiness omg lol

Almost always, its very rare like I’ll be watching a movie, listening to music, anything like that just consuming some piece of media or literally just like. living my life and I see something and im like. omg snk au in which.... or I just somehow relate it back to snk or some of its characters lol. Like even when I was on holiday in Venice last year I was literally like thinking of a fanfic of like, the 104th on holidays in Venice like how wholesome...

Like I really do love snk I think about it every day without fail, and I honestly think I’ll always always always love it, and even if I don’t, it’s always gonna have a special place in my heart. Like, I liked it since i was literally 12 years old and it helped my through shit and I just have so much good memories associated with it. I honestly rlly do picture myself being like a 40 year old woman and still loving snk but like the fandom is dead or something... 😭 I rlly hope that never happens.....bc that will happen my 40 year old ass will b like boiis whens season 10 coming out ? Like I really hope snk is one of those series that kind of just lives on forever, or atleast for a very long time - Like Harry Potter for example

Okay, all that was really personal and I’d be surprised if anyone is reading this anyway, but I love looking back on it and talking about snk like this, I love it :) Butttt, getting to one of the reasons why I think I might love snk so much, and I mean, I can’t really pin it down why I love it so much, I dont think anyone can pin down EXACTLY why they love something, especially a series, but I think one thing I really like, and it becomes really apparent when I look at other series is like, they have a good balance between male and female characters if that makes sense. Like theres not way more men in the show than there is women, like how it is in some series or like, theres not way more men in the show than there is women, and the female characters in the show aren’t just like background characters pretty much, and they’re all good fleshed out and developed characters n shit. I think people have talked about this before but yeah.. And the female characters aren’t sexualised or anything like that and like, theres basically little to no fanservice at all which is nice. Supereyepatchwolf said something about it in his video about snk, how it can appeal to everyone because anyone of any age and gender and such can be in the survey corps n stuff... :P

And the characters just in general of course :) I honestly think the characters is one of snks strongest points, like... im not about to do a full on character analysis on anyone here lol but they’re just so amazing. Like I think on first glance it can probably be easy for people to sort most of them into like a trope or something or just write them off as cliche - mostly eren is victim to this bc people are like typical shounen boy !!! but like. you know anyway. I wish I was better at expressing my feelings and thoughts lol. Like god idk i feel like its so easy for someone who idk might just be a casual fan or smthing to just kinda see the characters on their more surface level without seeing how much depth they actually have - and I feel like that could also easily happen with anime only ppl. Like snk really does have so much great n complex n developed characters, especiallyyy now with the timeskip, more so now than ever. Like you know when you love something so much that you cant just pin point one thing about it... because its like.... everything about it i love n everything within it works to like compliment everything in it if that makes sense u get me?? like i cant just pinpoint ONE THING its the whole thing.... why i love snk? *directs u to link of readsnkmanga.com* or something lol

as for the characters themselves, obviously u can tell, with my url, u can take a guess at who my favourite is :) since the timeskip, i dont like him as much - not that i dislike him, i could literally never - but timeskip eren is basically a whole new person - and im not saying that in a bitter tone or anything, if anything its cool and i appreciate it and i understand why eren is like this now, all the shit hes been through- stuff so singular that barely anyone else would be able to understand, no one, if anything. So i understand why hes like this, and as i said earlier, this’ one of snks strong points its complex and rlly developed characters... The things I admired about Eren is just like... his good and bad, everything. How passionate he is, how he wears his heart on his sleeve - that of which being his most notable quality imo, and he expresses himself in an unapologetic manner like.... the courtroom scene... he rlly shouted that in front of all those people... how headstrong, stubborn and impulsive he is. I relate to Eren alot, thats part of the reason why I love him so much because I think I can kinda see myself in him.. but on the same hand, I think it’s also because he possesses a lot of traits I admire. Eren never backs down even when the whole world seems to be against him. He holds on firmly to what he believes in and never gives in, even when literal guns or canons are being pointed towards him. He’s full of determination and will power and he knows what he wants, and he’s also not afraid to express his opinion, even if he knows that he’ll be laughed at or be largely disagreed with.. And I admire his impulsiveness too. Those are all things I admire and other things I didn’t mention.. like me, I’m a very non confrontational person, I always feel things out before getting to it, and even then a lot of the time I just don’t at all. I might second guess my emotions and feelings when it comes to relationships with people especially, and I can a lot of the time stifle or keep quiet about my own beliefs, not completely keeping quiet, but not speaking them out as firmly as I believe them in my own mind, yielding? more I guess, if people disagree with me, I might step down a little - Which isn’t a completely bad thing, it’s good to be openminded and to see other sides, but when it’s coming from a place of embarassment or insecurity, not so much. So I really admire those traits in Eren :) I relate to him a lot, but I also know that in a lot of ways too, we are veryy different. I’ve even thought before, if I knew someone like Eren irl would I even like them lol?? Who knows lol. But as a character, I love him :) My other two favourtie characters after Eren, Levi and Jean, I won’t go into them as much as I did Eren but with them, and not just that, all of the other reasons they’re my faves.. I have like more of a ‘crush’ on them lmaooo like with them i could read so much /reader fanfic lol... but even though Eren is my #1 I could nEVER...god NO lol. And I think thats also down to the fact, as I’ve been saying I seen myself in Eren... rather than the other way around :))))))))

Like god there have been so many times I’ve laughed, cried at stuff in this fandom, made good memories as a result of it irl too... bullied my friends into watching it.... Like I have nothing but good memories. I really can’t express enough how positively snk has impacted my life like I genuinely can’t, it’d be impossible.. I seriously love it :) I’ve made friends bc of it, gotten closer to friends bc of our mutual interest in it, stuff like that...:) And even if those things didn’t happen, I’d still love the series and its fandom itself. :) I seriously can’t thank enough, the ppl that contribute to this fandom, I really can’t. Everything, and everyone to small and big creators, thank you so much. Well known and lesser known creators, like just everything and everyone, seriously. Everyone is just why this fandom is so great and!! Like I just think how lucky am I to have smthing like snk have such a big fandom and stuff and so many great people in it. Like y’know when you see your favourite fanfic update, you see your favourite artist has put out smthing new, even just see a funny snk text post or something, it all can really brighten and even make your day, and its so good :) There are so many amazing creators in this fandom, fanfics that are honestly better than published books I’ve read - like seriously, some of this stuff seriously deserves to e published or something!! And the fact that so much of these creators are putting their work out there and sharing with us for free, is just so great, and I’ll never not be grateful for it :)

Like seriously, returning back to when I was like 12-14, some days back then when I was younger it really felt like y’know the only things I could take comfort in was this series and its characters and stuff yknow.... and maybe im just being and emo teen but im getting kinda emotional thinking about it just now :’) Like seriously... I feel like im maybe being too much in this post lol but seriously this series means a lot to me.. as I said, I can honestly really picture myself being like 40 and still rlly loving snk like no matter what, whatever happens, wherever the series goes, whatever the hell, it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, because its helped me through a lot, a lot of bad days, I have nothing but good memories associated with it, made friends, seen some of the most beautiful art and read rlly great writing!! Just like yeah. Thank u Isayama and this entire fandom.....

and I was gonna peace out but I also want to appreciate and throw some love @ Isayamas art and art style. Obviously, Isayama was a bit infamous in the earlier days for his art not looking so great (Which also is amazing bc like a manga with not so great art like his in the beginning... grew to become so BIG!! like who would’ve thought) - even so the character design and stuff was all really good?? Like I also think thats a strong point he has too!! And all those years of practicing really shows, because damn!! look at his art now!! It’s really damn nice and im not just saying that lol :P

Anyway!! :) Thats all lol

[0vvvv0]

i haven’t really spoken to jesse in months i felt bad at first, i was just too busy to want to chat every few weeks he’d keep trying to start something up and i’ve just kept ignoring him

it’s really fucking shitty of me to just.... stop like that that behavior from someone else sent me into a fucking depressive spiral and to this day i’ll of them and think “fuck so and so” bc i hold a lot of bitterness in my heart about it 

but i kinda intended for our relationship to grow apart once i moved out of nebraska..........

i’ve had my online status on the PS4 hidden for months because if he saw me online he’d always message me.  i know the easy answer is just unfriend him but it feels really wrong.

i just feel like i gave up for selfish reasons. some things i legitimately shouldn’t have had to put up with for so long but some things are just laziness

i don’t know if he still checks this blog i’ve been tempted to permanently change my url bc he doesn’t follow me, he just knows to look up revode.......