#so the tension is when their sense of the danger they’re in will outweigh the constraints of politeness

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

heretic was fucking incredible and they should let hugh grant do whatever he wants forever

[dekalko-mania]

On the Topic of the Ghost Portal

I've used this idea a few times in fics, but I have a theory that the Fentons built the ghost portal in Amity for a reason. Jack and Maddie live, breathe, and eat ghost (like literally, their food's contaminated lol), and after college, they decided to dedicate their lives to the supernatural. Meaning? They most likely chose to live there because the city had a special connection to the zone.

We know Maddie's not from there, and I assume Jack may not be either if they met at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Though people from Illinois tend to visit Wisconsin, so who knows, maybe he was from another part of the state and grew up hearing about it. There could've been other options, but if they planned to get married, then it needed to be a place where they could raise a family comfortably.

So that's my first reasoning as to why they moved there, but I think there was more to it. Even before the portal opened, the place had its lore. Ex. Sydney Poindexter as well as Desiree originating in a genie's lamp, not the zone. They could've been 'asleep' for years, with enough ambient ectoplasm to cause some controversy, but not enough to bring them to full power. All this to say, I think the rift separating these two dimensions was very thin to begin with. It's why natural portals are so common, why Pariah Dark was able to suck them into the zone no problem, and why Wulf is able to tear into it so easily. What better place to punch a hole straight through their reality, than one where half the work is already done for them?

The question is, why take this risk in the first place? Common sense dictates this is an obviously risky thing to do. You open a door, it goes both ways. Why would two people that absolutely hate ghosts...invite them in? They're scientists, and while they've shown to make some negligent choices, they're also incredibly intelligent. I'm inclined to think that they put more thought behind this decision, instead of going the show's route and saying they were being reckless. Again, just an idea though.

If they were going to do this, it could imply that the benefits outweighed the costs. My guess is that Amity was growing incredibly unstable, and that eventually, all that tension building between both dimensions would cause a catastrophe. It's like getting a flimsy bag and gradually filling it with water. Keep doing that and the whole thing will burst. So to counter that, what can they do? Create a stable portal that relieves just enough of that tension so that the dimensions are no longer in danger of collapsing into one another. Think of it as a controlled tear, like the one made by doctors when a patient's lung has too much pressure. It's why the portal requires so much maintenance, there was literally an episode where Jack said the ecto filtrator needed replacing twice a year, or the whole thing would explode. It's dangerous, but in theory both sides win. Jack and Maddie get their research, and the city becomes more stable. That's their simplified version at least, their poor son got stuck dealing with most of the fallout. Bet that's not something they predicted.

Side note, but it also explains the Fentons' arsenal of weapons and some of their biases. If they're gonna open this gateway, they need to prepare means of defending themselves ahead of time. Expecting the worst in the 20 years of planning this thing is bound to make one think the inhabitants of that dimension can only be evil.

[heliads]

Of Sorcerers and Spiderwebs Chapter Four: Hopeless

Y/N L/N is a Master of the Mystic Arts, trained by Doctor Strange himself. When she first meets Peter Parker as they fight side by side against Thanos, she isn’t expecting for their brief partnership to blossom into a love that could last a lifetime.

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After realizing that you’re in love with Peter Parker, it feels even harder to drag yourself out of bed to head to school the next morning. Even the sight of him walking towards you from across the crowded hallways of Midtown hurts- you know that no matter how close the two of you become, he’ll never see you as anything more than a friend.

In fact, just the simple act of seeing him confirms that you truly love him. You’re not sure how you didn’t realize it before, but it’s glaringly obvious now. When the two of you are paired together for some partner activity in class, you’re able to laugh and smile with him as if you’ve known him your entire life. 

That’s the easiest thing about Peter- with him, you’re able to just live and be whoever you want to be. There aren’t any expectations with him- no rules or assumptions or anything. He doesn’t presume you to be anything more than yourself. You’re not sure anyone’s made you feel like that in a long time.

However, things aren’t exactly perfect. Now that you’re actually paying attention to how you feel about Peter, you’re also noticing how Peter feels about other people. Specifically, how he feels about one of his closest friends, MJ. Case in point: whatever’s going on with them during this exact lunch one sunny afternoon at Midtown.

Although technically there are four of you at the lunch table, Peter’s clearly centered around MJ and MJ alone. He’s sitting next to her, leaning over to face her in a way that shuts out everything else around him. They’re engaged in some deep conversation about the ethics of neuroscience, something that you happen to know a lot about thanks to Stephen and that you could easily debate along with them. However, you already tried to enter the conversation and were talked over more than a few times, so you’ve given that up.

You can’t exactly blame Peter for being wrapped up in MJ. She’s practically perfect for him- she supports him being Spider-Man, she knows enough about his favorite topics to have discussions like the one they’re having now, and they both have the perfect blend of shy and talkative that makes them equals. The only problem is that she’s not you.

The worst part is that Peter is clearly in love with her. Here’s the thing- nobody looks at a girl the way Peter is looking at MJ right now, with that stupid soft smile on his face as she talks and that unnameable expression his eyes, without being in love. You suppose that’s why it hurts you so much to see him. It shouldn’t, of course, Peter’s known MJ for far longer than he’s known you and you just arrived at Midtown a few months ago. Yet your heart still feels a painful twinge every time you glance their way.

“You good, Y/N?”

You’re broken out of your trance when Ned speaks to you. Blinking once to clear your head, you turn to him. “Yeah, I’m just, uh, considering my plans for the future. I’ve heard about this really cool opportunity within the different international Sanctums to go out in search of people who could potentially become Masters of the Mystic Arts to monitor them and offer aid if they need it.”

What you’re talking about isn’t a lie- you have heard about this program, and it’s been simmering away in the back of your mind for quite some time. You had assumed that you weren’t going to act on it, as your life was going very well over in New York, but for once you might be convinced to move away as a nomad for the sorcerers.

Ned looks impressed. “That does sound cool. So you’d basically get to vacation around the world in the name of the Sanctums?” You incline your head, confirming his words. “That’s the thing- it sounds amazing. The only thing is, I’d have to apply and I don’t know if they’ll let me in or not. And, even if they do let me in, I’m just wondering if I would be able to leave all of this behind. It feels like I just got here.”

Ned nods. “I mean, I don’t really know what to tell you. Wizards-I mean, sorcerers, kind of have a priority of coolness over everything else. I guess you just have to ask yourself what you’d be giving up by leaving, and if you think the pros of the trip would outweigh the cons.”

You look at him, somewhat surprised. “That’s actually really good advice. Thanks, Ned.” The boy smiles. “Hey, if I can’t be a superhero I can at least give out super-good talks.” The two of you dissolve in laughter, but your smile fades slightly when you realize Peter hasn’t even heard you at all. Would he care if you left?

The next day, you slump down into your seat at the lunch table with a glower that could rival the stormy weather outside. Ned raises his eyebrows at the sight of you. “Well, I didn’t think you could look even more depressed than yesterday, but I guess I was wrong. What, did Sorcerers Worldwide not let you into their program?”

You point a finger at him in agreement. “I showed up and asked if I could go through with their program. I showed them everything I could do, which is more than the average adult at the Sanctum. Even with that, they still won’t let me go. They kept saying something about how I should be finishing school before I go traipsing around the globe. That doesn’t even make sense- they pulled me out of my freshman and sophomore years so they could train me at Kamar-Taj, why is it not okay now?”

Across the table from you, Peter looks stunned. “Wait, what do you mean? You were going to leave Midtown for some errand of the sorcerers?” You nod, staring up at the ceiling bleakly. “It was going to be so cool, too. But no, I have to wait until I’m out of high school or college or whenever they run out of excuses.”

Peter leans forward, and you realize for the first time that he actually seems cross, almost hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you liked it here.” You can’t help but feel defensive at his questioning. “I did. Yesterday, at lunch. I talked about it right here. I guess you weren't paying attention. Besides, I do like Midtown, but are you telling me you’d rather go to high school than travel the world?”

Peter scoffs. “Yeah, it would be fun to leave for a vacation or a weekend trip. You just got here, do you really not care about all of us enough to leave it all behind for some jaunt around the world?” You raise your eyebrows. “Why are you so upset? I just said that I wouldn’t be going anyway. And besides, I do care about everyone here, which is why I talked about the possibility of me going on this trip yesterday to all of you. I suppose you just weren’t listening.”

Peter’s opening his mouth, presumably to deliver a no doubt intense remark, but Ned places his hands in between the two of you, interrupting him. “You know what, I think what Peter means is that we’d all be sad to see you go, Y/N. We’re sorry that you didn’t get into your program, but at least you still have us, right?”

You tilt your head towards Ned, pointedly ignoring Peter. “Thank you, Ned. I absolutely agree. Midtown is, and will always be, an amazing school with amazing people and I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world.” You and Ned continue to have a conversation in the same forced calm voices, and eventually Peter joins in. MJ arrives later, and joins in the chatter as well, although she does raise her eyebrows at the tension clearly brewing between you and Peter.

When lunch ends, the four of you are heading back to your classroom when you suddenly stop moving. Your friends stop as well, looking back at you in confusion. “Everything alright, Y/N?” MJ asks, but you just shake your head fervently. “Everything is very much not alright. It’s like I can sense something strange in the school. I don’t know what it is, but it isn’t human and it isn’t going away.”

Your friends walk back up to you. “Can you tell us anything else about it?” Ned questions. You try and latch onto the sudden feeling, but you can’t sense anything else. “I think I’m going to have to use my astral form to check it out. Can you make sure nobody notices what I’m doing?” Your friends nod their assent, and huddle up around you to hide you from view. If anyone happens to walk by, they’ll just see a group of students clustered around a locker.

You fling your shoulders back, closing your eyes and opening them once more to find yourself in your astral form, glowing and weightless just like normal. As you head off down the hallway in search of whatever malevolent entity is creeping around the school, you glance once over your shoulder and can’t help but feel slightly better when you notice that Peter is the first one to reach out and catch you, despite everything that just happened.

Brushing away thoughts of Peter and the concern clearly written across his face at the thought of you heading into danger, you continue on down the hallways. You quickly check classrooms and halls of lockers, and you notice that the strange feeling of darkness is emanating from a room down a few flights of stairs. The basement. 

Of course it had to be the basement, the darkest, coldest, most formidable place in the whole school. Why couldn’t creepy things just hide in plain sight for once? Why the basement? You shudder briefly, then force yourself down through the floor until you’re standing just outside the basement door. You step forward, walking through the door, and suppress a silent scream when you see what’s inside.

When you suddenly jerk back to life in Peter’s arms, your friends look at you with startled eyes. “What is it? What did you see?” All you can do is clasp on to Peter, who’s still holding you tight. “Something is coming. Something bad.”

tag list: @dude-were-getting-the-band-back​ @xroselights​ @idiotic--punk​

[crusherthedoctor]

Why Jim Carrey’s Robotnik is The Fuckin’ Man™

Yep, the movie is still on my mind, and I'd say I love it even more with each passing day. Partly because it came as much relief during a time when IDW Sonic is continuing to aggravate me with nearly everything it does with its story and characters, but mostly because I just really enjoy it on its own merits (and unlike some people, I don't need to add “it's no masterpiece...” to every sentence as if I'm secretly ashamed about liking a Sonic the Hedgehog film). While the movie's portrayal of our old mate Robotnik is far from the only reason for why I love the film, he's obviously a huge factor all the same, so I felt like listing a few reasons for why - already - he's one of my favourite incarnations of the doctor yet.

A lot of it can be boiled down to how accurate he is to Eggman's character despite the face value differences, but to elaborate that little bit more:

- He's every bit as physical as Eggman is in the games. It would have been easy for Robotnik to be reduced to a Non-Action Big Bad in a live action role, given how often that tends to happen with similar villains in similar live action installments of similar franchises... But instead, Robotnik actually lives up to his character's habits and takes a very active role in his pursuits, culminating with him facing the hedgehog personally, and putting up a good fight in the process. Compare this to the supposedly more threatening SatAM Robotnik, who spent most of his time twiddling his thumbs and letting Snively do all the work.

- Also like game Eggman, he's stronger than he looks, and he's equally capable of handling himself in a fight. A much larger guy who Sonic had notable trouble with is thrown out a window like it's nothing by Robotnik, and despite getting caught off guard by Tom's attack from behind, he was quick to turn the tables enough for their brief fistfight to be considered a stalemate. And let's not get into whatever it was he apparently did to that school bully...

- While he's every bit the glorious ham you'd expect him to be, his witty remarks can be downright morbid at times. The first thing he does when he sees Sonic's seemingly dead body? Make a crack about PETA animal testing. Absolute legend.

- Not only is he funny and menacing in equal measures, but both sides of his personality seem to be working at the same time in a lot of his scenes, going from one to the other then back again in a matter of seconds. This makes him come off as unpredictable, which definitely adds to the tension involving him.

- The government is clearly terrified of him, treating the mere idea of hiring his services for the blackout investigation as though he's a Horseman of the Apocalypse, and being incredibly quick to give his existence the '06 retcon treatment when it looks like he's gone for good (spoiler: he won't be forgotten for long). But at the same time, they bring him in specifically because they know that he's the only one with the genius to handle the apparent threat that Sonic poses, and their own talk of him having helped out with numerous foreign coups in the past - probably single-handedly at that - is yet more proof that his credentials are no joke. If G.U.N. exists in this universe, they're basically admitting that they ain't shit compared to this one man.

- Despite technically acting on the government's behalf during the events of this film, Robotnik treats the affair in the same way that Blofeld treats his affiliation with Red China: Namely, it's a very transparent means to an end that will ultimately benefit himself more than them, and it's clear at all times that not only is he the one holding the reins, but that they're perfectly aware of this and are simply unable to do anything about it. Considering this is, again, the government we're talking about, that makes it abundantly clear before we even meet him in person that this guy isn't your typical basement dwelling mad scientist whose ambitions far outweigh their capabilities.

- In a Sonic the Hedgehog movie production starring Ivo Robotnik, played to perfection by Jim Carrey, the meme potential is too vast to quantify.

- His drones are essentially Matryoshka dolls of destruction, and they have the tricks and the persistence you'd expect to be saddled with that implication. They highlight the doctor's own determination in catching the hedgehog, and they also confirm his surprisingly keen sense of foresight in dealing with opposition. If only he leant some of that foresight to IDW Eggman...

- His big black truck is actually really badass for an “evil lair”, as the man himself labels it. It's equipped with the aforementioned super persistent drones, it comes with a hangar bay for his sizable hovercraft (which, by the way, just so happens to have an Egg Mobile colour scheme), he can experiment in his lab while he's on the move, and he even has wacky virtual simulators to play around with on the side... and the means to make a latte apparently. It may not have the scale of a Death Egg space station or an Eggmanland theme park, but considering this is an up-and-coming Eggman of sorts, it's a very interesting and impressive choice for the doctor's first humble abode, as it shows that even when he's just starting off, he's already thinking in a different (and cooler) wavelength than most.

- It didn't take him long at all to successfully harness the power of Sonic's quill in a manageable form, meaning he understood how Sonic's speed worked and was able to use it against the hedgehog himself in a relatively small amount of time. If Metal Sonic is ever introduced, he's likely going to be a juggernaut on par with his OVA portrayal.

- Yet another trait he shares with game Eggman: he does not cower. Sure, he might get startled by seeing Sonic for the first time, or accidentally getting creeped up on by Agent Stone, but in terms of legitimate fear, he has none to show for it. Sonic, who he thought was banished to the Shadow Realm killed, suddenly revives himself and takes back his quill by force, all the while throwing one hell of a death glare his way as he becomes supercharged with electricity. How does Robotnik react to this? By putting on his own game face (and his goggles) and staring him down for a final standoff. The idea of running away or pleading for mercy doesn't even appear to register in the doctor's mind.

- Even after going mad upon being stranded on the Mushroom Planet, he remains as determined as ever to reach his goals, and while he may have nothing else on him for the time being other than Sonic's quill, we know for a fact that his return is inevitable, and he'll be hitting twice as hard no matter what he decides to use. His final transformation into a more recognizable Eggman may be born out of isolation and insanity, but despite the circumstance, it's more strangely triumphant rather than tragic or pathetic. He even notes that lesser men would be hopeless in his predicament, and presumably that includes lesser villains as well.

- This face.

I want that face on a T-shirt.

Overall, despite the expected and at times necessary differences for a live action portrayal, Robotnik hasn't actually been watered down in terms of character OR threat level. He's already dangerous enough to risk the safety of the entire planet, and if the stinger is any indication, he's only getting started.

And you know what else? While it's obviously delightful that his resemblance shifts to being more Eggman-like by the end of the film (and the full moustache actually doesn't look too bad on Carrey's face), I don't think I would have minded that much if his appearance remained the same in a sequel, because the core of his portrayal was so perfect and quintessentially Eggman that the differences didn't even click after a while, even as I kept looking at them point blank.

That's how you know the guy did well. Although it probably also helps that his non-Eggman look is considerably more dignified and cool than SatAM Robotnik falling into a vat of concentrated 90's.

[sillyguyhotline]

Is the First Main Game Sort of...Poorly Written?

Alright, I’m aware I made the title pretty clickbait-y, so I want to preface this by saying that I don’t think Nankidai is a bad writer by any means. In fact, I think he’s a pretty fantastic writer, and I admire how he’s developed his characters and story thus far. However, I’ve stated before that I think he tends to prioritize character development over plot twists, and I think that the way the first Main Game was written is evidence of this because he let a lot of twists or more logical lines of thought fall to the wayside in favor of developing his characters. The writing has definitely gotten a lot more coherent thus far, but I think that the deaths of the first Main Game overshadow the more prevalent discontinuities. This is rightfully so; Joe had so much emotional importance to us and Kai had so many mysteries surrounding him that both of their deaths hit hard, and the development they both got after dying only made their deaths more significant. But this segment of the game certainly had some issues, and I’m going to go over them.

Firstly, the fact that Kai revealed himself to be the Sage out of seemingly nowhere and we were just encouraged to go along with it always bothered me. I’m not frustrated with the fact that Kai died, as I think that was a good choice in the story. He was such a mysterious character that picking apart his character, background, and motivations with clues received after his death was the best route to take to find out more about him. However, the circumstances around his death always bothered me. The only motivation we had to consider him being the Sage was him literally proclaiming “no, no, I’m the Sage!” amidst Joe and Kanna’s own assertions. Honestly, maybe I’m stupid but it took me a long time to deal the final blow to him because making such a statement was in line with his sense of humor and I didn’t take it seriously. And without any indications or clues prior to this, him haphazardly throwing out “I’m the Sage” was supposed to be our only reason to suspect him? Yes, we ultimately chose him because he didn’t name a symbol, but that really felt like pure coincidence and we only considered him because he randomly named himself as a candidate. And then when we actually did call him out, he absolutely freaked out and begged not to be voted for even though he was responsible for being seen as suspicious! This felt so rushed to me, and I’m 99% sure Nankidai just wanted a reason to get Kai killed off so he made him the Sage with few other reasons to do so. And like I’ve said, I think killing Kai was a good move in terms of character development, I just think that the plot point was very rushed. 

Secondly, I wanted to touch on a point @shintsukimistan made in her most recent post , about how illogical it was for Shin to have his little breakdown in the middle of the main game. (it was actually what got me thinking about this and inspired me to make this post so thank you sm for the inspiration :D) We all know that this breakdown was crucial to revealing Shin’s more distrustful nature and setting him up as a foil character, but it honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense in the context of when it happened. We know that he doesn’t trust anybody, and we know that he’d be driven to angry extremes because of that. But his priority, above all else, is to survive. When he makes this speech, he is reacting to the product of everyone’s trust in Sara. He has attempted to make everyone suspicious of her, but she has labored hard to gain their trust and as a result of that they’re defending her. And what does he do, after seeing that gaining the group’s trust has been directly advantageous to survival? He mocks the rest of the cast, calls them riff-raff, and openly denounces his trust in anyone else. This is literally the most counterintuitive action he could take, as much as it makes sense for his future character and takes everyone else off-guard. 

Thirdly, this is a smaller complaint than the other two, but it’s always bothered me that when faced with two people both claiming to be the Keymaster, the group votes them into the final round anyway. Why would they ever choose to do that, regardless of how suspicious either one is? By voting the two contenders for Keymaster into the final round, they are risking their own deaths if they end up making the actual Keymaster their final vote. What would the risk be if they didn’t vote for them? If they’re a Commoner, nothing would happen. If they’re a Sage, nothing would happen. If they’re a Sacrifice, they would die but the rest of the group would be safe, and if they’re a Keymaster nothing would happen. The risk of getting the entire group killed outweighs the risk of keeping a dangerous person in the group, and THEY SHOULD KNOW THIS, but they vote Shin and Sara into the final round anyway!! And, of course, like with the other two issues, this is a means to an end to further development and heighten tensions between our two foil characters. It makes sense from the player’s perspective, but from the characters’ perspective it’s not the greatest decision.

All of these issues that I have with the first Main Game are significant because they are very important in terms of character development!! As I’ve said before, I love how the characters in this game are played out and I just... adore them. And Nankidai clearly prioritizes his character development above all else, which I respect immensely. But I think this is proof that he doesn’t really do that well with plot twists unless they’re crucial to development (which is why I’m very suspicious of theories created for the shock value with very little backing in characterization) and that he honestly can’t write twists that well. Like I’ve said, I really enjoy the rest of the game and I think the emotional beats are strong enough to lessen the significance of these discontinuities, but they’re definitely there and they’re the reason I don’t think any plot twists for the sake of plot twists in YTTD will work out very well.

[kaptainandy]

My Complete In-depth TLOU 2 Thoughts:

Yeah I know, y’all have already read through countless reviews and thoughts, but I gotta get my thoughts out there. So, continue under the cut for some somewhat coherent, essay-ish style ramblings. There will be a TL;DR at the end because this is going to be long. (Spoilers ahead).

Okay so my overall perception of this game is that it’s average and I’m slightly disappointed. I’m going to start with the things I really liked and enjoyed before I get into what I didn’t like.

The visuals and gameplay were solid and enjoyable with small improvements upon the first game’s already fun and interesting, gameplay. The NPCs felt less like they were following a track in terms of their movements and felt more natural. The dialogue between enemies felt more varied than the first game, and the addition of giving everyone a name made me feel more immersed and the reaction from other characters to their fallen friends felt more believable. I feel that overall, the development of gameplay from the first to the second game felt “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it,” and I think it worked out because it’s one of the aspects I liked about the first game. The addition of craftable silencers, varied stealth takedowns, ability to go prone, tall grass to hide in, cars to hide under, larger infected (bloaters and shamblers) now being able to destroy weak walls, etc. were fun editions that helped the combat feel less repetitive. And lastly, the areas of combat that included both human enemies and infected, (and later WLF soldiers vs Seraphite soldiers)  was really cool and felt more realistic for the world of the Last of Us. It was something I think the first game lacked and it was really interesting to choose who to take down first and let the enemies fight each other.

The level design was also great. I felt it gave the player a lot of options of how they wanted to traverse the area to takedown enemies and look for supplies. Everything felt huge and worth exploring. The player was rewarded appropriately for checking every nook and cranny, and the addition of going prone to fit under small spaces or breaking glass to get into locked buildings was a lot of fun. The first day in Seattle as Ellie was especially enjoyable as you got to explore the city and mark things on your map while engaging in dialogue with Dina. Every building held something new and acted as an opportunity for Dina and Ellie to banter.

The art direction was incredible and I don’t think I’ve seen a more stunning looking game. It felt like a lot of time and care went into the design of each item and every corner of every environment. My favorite environments were definitely the homesteads of the major characters/factions (Jackson, the stadium transformed into a village by the WLF, the Seraphite island, etc.) because it told the player more about what everyday life is like for these characters and how they’re similar and different. Also, the weather, time of day, lighting, and use of space (or lack there of) added tension and changed the tone in scenes and levels appropriately. I felt engaged in each moment. I think the best use of visuals and atmosphere to set tone and really immerse the player was in the lower level of the hospital during the Abby playthrough. It was claustrophobic, damp, dark, ominous, and it always felt like danger and despair were right around the corner. And the massive clicker cluster fight in the small hospital corner was one of my favorite parts in the entire game. What would have felt like a silly and dumb concept if encountered elsewhere, was actually legitimately terrifying and really cool due to the tone set from the scene. Seeing the effects of a ground zero site for infection 25 years later was really cool to see.

The music? A masterpiece. We have to stan Gustavo Santaolalla. What more can I say? He did a great job. If nothing else, give the soundtrack a listen.

The acting was incredible, as to be expected. The emotional moments were really sold and carried by the actors and the music together. Ashley Johnson, Troy Baker, Shannon Woodward, and Laura Bailey I expected to be phenomenal and they were, but I’d like to give a shoutout to the newcomers and more minor actors as well. I felt no one had a bad performance, or even an average one. Every performance felt genuine and made me more connected to the characters.

As for new characters, I felt Yara and Lev were the ones I felt the most for and were the best written. The inclusion of Lev being trans was really cool to see as a trans person, and I felt it was executed well within the story. Lev being exiled from the Seraphites for questioning their ways and attempting to transition while Yara fought to remain by his side and protect him, made them both interesting and likable characters. They had depth to their characters. Despite coming from an environment that seemed ruthless and unforgiving they both acted as voice of reasons and wanted to help others, which was their strength and their weakness in the end, adding to their complexity.

The story had it’s moments. I found myself being impacted more during light and happy moments more so than the traumatic and sad ones. I felt a lot of time was put into showing the love and care between Ellie and Dina, and I found myself smiling like a goober when they were being goofy or together or cuddling. This also ties into the LGBTQ representation, which I personally thought was well done as I briefly touched on with Lev. I understand and respect those who felt there was too much trauma forced upon the LGBTQ characters, and I agree with that when it comes to Ellie because the whole game was essentially torturing her. I’ll at least give Naughty Dog credit for avoiding the “bury your gays” trope when they very easily could’ve done that given the constant death in the world of the Last of Us. Treatment aside, as a gay trans man, the overall presentation of these characters I felt was realistic, respectful, and gave me hope for future LGBTQ representation in triple A titles. I know this is literally doing the bare minimum but we gotta start somewhere.

Now, as for things I disliked about the game, there was a lot and I felt the weight of things I disliked outweighed those that I like since the overall experience depended on them more heavily.

I’ll start with the small things that irked me, that could be somewhat excused and are more a personal preference. For starters, I felt the game was too long. After awhile it got repetitive and having nearly the entire game take place in one city (as opposed to the first game that took place across the country), the scenery got old pretty quickly. I feel like a lot of the traveling could have been cut. For example, instead of showing a cut scene where characters say “we have to get to x” and having to basically travel the entire way, it would’ve worked better had it cut to them being at or close to their destination, thus cutting back on repetitive combat. It didn’t feel super rewarding and it only sometimes resulted in something added to the story. In the end, I felt it should be exempt for a similar reason you don’t need to show a character’s entire traveling in a movie, it’s just unnecessary.

Another minor detail that bothered me was the shamblers. Not as a concept, because I thought they were really fun new enemies and added something to combat, but the fact that they felt thrown in with no explanation. Where did they come from? Are they only in the northeast of the US? What caused them? It’s mentioned briefly by one character (I forget who) that it could be a result of excessive rain, but it was just a guess and not further elaborated on.

The fact that events and characters of the first game that were influential to Ellie and Joel’s character seemed to be inappropriately forgotten about. I understand the game is meant to be enjoyed by people who haven’t played the first game as well as fans of the first one, but it could still be done in a way to cater to both audiences. It would also help people who didn’t play the first one learn and connect more to Ellie and Joel. Why was there no Riley-related dialogue for Ellie upon seeing “The Turning” arcade machine? Hell, Riley was never mentioned at all. Same with Tess. Bill was briefly mentioned, but not by name. Ellie’s mom still remained a mystery, and I don’t recall her being mentioned. Henry and Sam? Also never mentioned. Upon seeing Sam’s robot toy in Ellie’s room (which I thought was a nice touch) I would’ve thought he might’ve been brought up in discussion with Dina about past friends. I get that it could be implied Ellie has discussed her past with Dina and others before the events of the game took place, but you have an audience to think about. Essentially you have to think that if the audience didn’t see it or hear about it, it didn’t happen. I feel the omission of past characters and events was a disservice to the first game and was really disappointing.

This relates to something else I disliked: It felt like too much time was spent on characters solo traveling and being in combat and not enough on story and relationship building. I felt the time spent traveling alone as Ellie or Abby was far greater than traveling with a companion. The dialogue and interactions between Ellie and Joel in the first game was crucial to the story and relationship, and when the characters were apart, it made the player that more eager for them to be reunited. They were only ever apart when one was missing/injured or they were unintentionally separated and it made sense to the story. In terms of missed opportunity, I especially thought Jesse’s character was mishandled and wasted. Just as the player was really beginning to know his past and connect with him, he dies a seemingly (in my opinion) stupid death. Not only that, but there’s almost no mention of him or his death after it happens, and Ellie and Dina seem relatively unaffected. I felt like Dina’s character also could’ve been fleshed out better. She was one of my favorite characters, but the things we knew about her didn’t seem to impact the story or her character that much, especially the loss she’s suffered. Her thoughts about her sister’s death and Jesse’s death are barely touched on, and I just felt like I was left wanting more.

Jesse and Dina could’ve definitely been handled better, but at least I cared about them. I didn’t have those feelings towards anyone in Abby’s story (except Yara and Lev). This relates to the bigger problem with the timeline of events and the and the order they were shown in the game, but I’ll touch on this in a bit. Before beginning to know these characters, the only thing you know is that they were involved in killing Joel, and happy about doing so. Now the challenge was to get the player to like them, which the writers failed abysmally. I couldn’t even remember half of their names when they were brought back up. The most influential of Abby’s friends, aside from Owen, seems to be Manny and the only things we get to know about him is that he’s horny, likes to get drunk, and - much like the writers - tries to force other characters to like each other (i.e. Mel and Abby). He only exists to establish Mel and Abby’s relationship and to save and help Abby when they encounter Tommy trying to snipe them. Mel and Abby (who I will touch on extensively in her own paragraph because yikes) both seemed like miserable people to be around and their relationship seemed catty and to simply revolve around Owen. I’m kinda sick of having women characters’ relationships revolve around the fact that one of them used to date the guy that the other is now currently dating. It’s stupid and I couldn’t give less of a fuck if that’s the biggest roadblock in their relationship. Also Mel calling Abby a piece of shit seemed unwarranted based on what we knew. Like we knew Mel was against the brutality of Joel’s death, but the way she spoke to and of Abby seemed like there was something else that the writers forgot to tell/show the audience. Abby never did anything personal to Mel (that Mel knew of) yet Mel decides to hate her guts and be unreasonable? Nora was kind of okay and seemed like an actual decent person (aside from wanting Joel dead and them making that shitty comment to Ellie) in her relationship with Abby. She was willing to risk getting in trouble to help Abby, but we weren’t given enough time with her to make me give a shit, especially after what she said to Ellie. Owen had potential to be likable; he was charming, funny, a bit of a fuckboy, but nonetheless was optimistic and hopeful. But for some reason the writers decided to throw out any ounce of care we had for him by having him cheat on Mel with Abby in a shitty sex scene. 

Now for my thoughts on Abby. My thoughts about her also relate to my thoughts on the order of events, and a few other aspects I haven’t mentioned yet, so forgive me if my thoughts are a bit all over the place. I really really tried to sympathize and like Abby, but holy shit they fucked up every possible opportunity to create some sort of likability. For starters, it boggles my mind that they had her commit the atrocity that was Joel’s death as basically the introduction to her character. Not only that, but just mere minutes beforehand Joel had saved her life and shown her nothing but kindness and she goes on to torture him and continue to do so while his surrogate daughter begs and screams for her to stop. She shows no guilt both in the moment or afterwards. It doesn’t eat her up inside at all. Every time Joel is brought up by Abby and her friends, she wastes no time expressing how elated she is that she not only killed him, but did so in such a gruesome way. You really expect fans to even WANT to like this character after she tortures and kills the only other character (besides Ellie) that fans LOVED. And I’m not upset that Joel died, because I expected he would and there were a million ways it could’ve been done appropriately to both the story and fans. But the way he died and how early he died at the hands of essentially some nobody really rubbed me the wrong way, they essentially threw him away without any honor to the experience we had with him in the first game. So, that’s our introduction to Abby and her friends. Again, the writers had the challenge of trying to make us like her, but it felt like they didn’t even try. Every attempt to make her likable fell flat either due to an action that happened right before or after. Abby’s only expression of sorrow is after the death of her father and Owen. Manny’s death is never mentioned after it happens and she seems to act like it never really happened. There is no remorse when she kills Jesse and Tommy, or anyone for that matter. She and (seemingly most of the WLF) condone and even get off on torturing Seraphites (they’re terrible people but if you’re trying to make me like a character, I don’t think you should have them condone the torturing of anyone). Abby is quick to kill Dina even after learning she’s pregnant, to which she comments, “good” and only stops because Lev is an actual decent human being and gets her to stop. And the writers have the gall to try and compare her to Ellie; trying to be like, “see she and Ellie aren’t so different uwu.” Meanwhile, Ellie is crying each time she hits Nora; she just wants Abby, she didn’t want to have to torture Nora like that. Ellie is traumatized after finding out that Mel is pregnant after killing her. Ellie is constantly shown to be grappling with the consequences and feelings of her actions. She experiences guilt and shame while Abby is shown time and time again to not regret her wrongdoings. The writers really tried to push us to like Abby by having her care for Yara and Lev, but I felt she did it out of selfishness and needing to feel good about herself not because she truly cared for these kids.

Going back to Joel’s death, the gruesomeness wasn’t even warranted based on Abby’s reasoning. Abby’s dad didn’t get murdered in front of her and he was killed because he stood in Joel’s way, holding a scalpel to Ellie. Jerry’s death was quick and painless too. And I know people will be like, “but Abby was also mad because now there’s no cure because of what Joel did!!!” However, she had no problem wanting to kill, or leave Ellie alone despite knowing she was immune. Abby was never on a quest to capture Ellie or talk her into finding the Fireflies with her (which would have made for an interesting storyline actually), she wanted her dead too. Joel’s death was the most tasteless death of a beloved character I think I’ve ever experienced.

Also the order of events was really detrimental to the story and especially Abby’s character. The way that flashbacks were thrown in throughout the story after Joel’s death fell flat and made Joel’s death feel even worse. The Joel and Ellie flashbacks were honestly the highlight of the game because we got to spend time with the only 2 fleshed out and likable characters. Had they been placed at the beginning of the game and also showed more of their relationship after Joel tells Ellie the truth about the Fireflies, I would’ve felt his death would have been more okay (still shitty, but slightly better than what they gave us) because it would feel more unexpected and it would hit better emotionally after these moments we had with Ellie and Joel. Hell, the majority of the game should have been as it was advertised (which is another issue I’m gonna touch on shortly): the rocky relationship between Joel and Ellie after Ellie learns the truth and the two of them going on a revenge quest together, as Joel tried to earn Ellie’s forgiveness. The events presented in the order in the game also made it impossible for anyone to try to like Abby. We learn she commits the biggest atrocity and we know all her friends are going to end up dead, so there’s no emotional impact when we see how they die because we’ve known the whole time they were gonna be killed by Ellie. Both Abby’s character and the story they were trying to tell could’ve have been really great and interesting but it was just so poorly executed. 

The story itself seemed so amateur as well. It just boiled down to “revenge and violence are bad uwu” while giving the player no choice but to engage in said violence. They tried to create a gray area between good and evil like they did in the first game, especially with Abby’s story but they ended up doing the opposite. Also the weak use of animals and pregnancy to create emotional impact is just so easy. They couldn’t think of any other way to make us connect to the characters except “hey look they love this animal” or “this is someone who is going to have a baby under these rough circumstances” and it’s just sloppy writing especially because they use both tactics MORE THAN ONCE. 

The intersecting stories, themes of “what really is good/evil,” redemption of a thought to be unlikable character, and the death of a beloved character would have been so interesting and emotionally impactful if done right, but it felt like Naughty Dog chose every terrible option and outcome, resulting in the wet fart that we got. It felt sloppy with no honoring of the previous game or characters. We all cared, but apparently the writer’s didn’t. The ending with Ellie essentially being left with what she feared most, being alone, would’ve been way more appropriate had anything prior warranted this consequence. Not only is she alone, but Ellie loses the ability to play guitar, a way in which she remembered and felt connected to Joel. Like she goes through hell, and 99% of her actions are justified, yet she gets punished.

Lastly, I want to touch on the false advertising for the game. Normally, I wouldn’t be upset because movie trailers do it all the time where there will be subtle differences or added scenes that don’t occur in the movie, but this was a whole other level of fuckery. I get trying to mislead people to think something is going to happen only to steer them in a different direction, in fact I think this is really cool and fun when done well. However, this was straight up lying and essentially selling an entirely different game. Not only were these lies perpetuated in trailers and ads, but even in events such as E3. Neil Druckmann constantly harped on the idea that the game was going to be about Ellie and Joel having a falling out after Ellie learns the truth and how they navigate their relationship through their next adventure together. Yet the game was never about that, instead it was just a story about drawing shitty parallels between a beloved character and a new character who was destined to be unlikable from the start.

In the end, I think it’s still worth playing because I’ve seen so many mixed reviews floating around so I feel it’s best to make your own opinion. And if nothing else, it’s a fun experience if you’re just looking at a fun game to play if you don’t really care too much about the series or characters as a whole. Will I return to this game? Not anytime soon likely. But just being the fan that I am of the series I think I’ll try to get most of the achievements eventually, and to experiment with photomode because the visuals are so good. Even with how much of a disservice this game is to the series, I don’t think it ruins it for me. It just makes me love and appreciate the first game even more and I think they could bounce back from this, but they’d need to put in a shit ton of work to earn their core audience back.

TL;DR: As an addition to the Last of Us as a series, the game is a huge disappointment and disservice, but as a standalone game it’s slightly above average. The gameplay, music, and visuals slap but the story, characters, and relationship building (or lack thereof) suck. Naughty Dog lied in a highly scummy way to fans via advertisements and trailers. Fuck Abby. Stan Lev and Yara.

[onthepyre]

and it hurts (part 2)

read part one here!! and part three here and part 4 here

Alana doesn’t like risks.  Not unless they’re almost guaranteed to fall in her favor, or important enough that the pros will certainly outweigh the cons.  She doesn’t jump into decisions without thinking through every option first.  She is a calculated person.

Or so she thinks.

Something about Zoe completely shuts off the part of Alana’s brain that does the decision making.  She has to restrain herself from doing something stupid, like rambling about her summer (again) or oversharing things she really didn’t mean to say.  It seems like it should be easy.  It absolutely is not.  Focusing so much on what not to do doesn’t give her much room to think about what she should do, and everything starts to feel dangerously close to the Evan Problem and then she remembers.  

Alana remembers that she picked Evan, selected him out of the crowd at random and forced herself to develop feelings for him.  She remembers that she regarded Zoe as nothing but a friend, an acquaintance, when they first met, and she didn’t flip a switch like with Evan, didn’t pick her, but slowly caught feelings and didn’t notice for a while.  And then Alana remembers that they’re teenagers, and teenagers are supposed to live (and remembers the time Zoe called her in the middle of the night because she “wanted to hear your voice!!!”) (the exclamation points were audible).  And she decides to forget about the risk.

She makes her first (terrible) attempt to flirt at lunch.  To her right, she could cut the tension between Evan and Connor with a knife as Jared bark-laughs at a stupid joke Connor definitely did not direct at him.  Sitting in front of her is Zoe.  Zoe, with her green-streaked hair and dangly necklace and freckle-covered nose.  Her hand is resting in front of her, on the table, and when their conversation pauses, Alana grabs it.

She regrets her decision almost immediately, but she forges on, turning Zoe’s knuckles towards her.  

“Your rings are pretty,” she says, trying not to stutter.  

“Thanks,” Zoe replies.  “You have really small hands.  Here, wait, let me—” Zoe pulls her hand out of Alana’s and holds it out, like a high five.  Alana blinks in confusion, and Zoe smiles.  “Put your hand on mine, we’ll compare.”

So Alana does, and apparently she does have small hands, because Zoe’s fingers are all at least an inch longer than hers.  She watches her carefully throughout all of this, and she’s sure that Zoe was blushing, at least a little bit.  She considers it a success.

She keeps at it, smiling a little more when Zoe’s around, looking at her more, finding any excuse to touch her.  And it seems like Zoe is reciprocating, but Alana can’t be too sure.  This is all new, scary, painful territory, and she isn’t confident about anything.  And it isn’t like Zoe is easy to read — she doesn’t hide her emotions, but she doesn’t wear them on her sleeve, either.  She’s just a little too closed-off for Alana to make sense of what’s going on under the surface.

So after second-guessing herself for a while, Alana invites Zoe over.  She isn’t quite sure what to do, so she rambles about it for a good five minutes, cursing internally the whole time, until Zoe stops her.

“Alana.  I’d love to.”  She smiles softly, not the big toothy grin that Alana is used to, but it stings nonetheless.  

“Okay,” Alana says, and now she’s smiling, too.  “Okay, I’ll text you my address.”  

“Okay,” Zoe says.

——— 

By the time Alana gets home, she’s already agonized over every possible outcome of the sleepover.  She tells her parents that her friend is coming over and yes it’s a girl her name is Zoe and no they don’t need to make anything special they can just eat whatever’s in the fridge and yes it’s just Zoe and she has a car so they don’t need to pick her up or anything and she’ll leave around noon tomorrow.  And Alana goes to her room to wait for Zoe and continue thinking about what could go wrong.

Best case scenario, Alana has the guts to say something about how she has a crush on Zoe, and Zoe feels the same.  Worst case scenario, Zoe doesn’t and never talks to her again.  Alana is more concerned about the options in between.  What if Zoe doesn’t feel the same way, but she doesn’t start to ignore her or anything and instead is just sort of weird around her forever?  What if she tells Connor and Connor is also weird around her forever?  What if Connor beats her up or something?  What if Zoe does feel the same but isn’t ready for a relationship or is scared of commitment?  What do they do then?  What if Alana just doesn’t say anything?  What if, what if, what if.  

Zoe’s supposed to arrive at six, and Alana got home at three, so after she’s done analyzing everything that could go wrong, she tries to do her homework.  She’s barely through math when she looks up and it’s 5:30 and she only has half an hour to get ready.

How does one get ready for a sleepover?  Alana doesn’t know, she’s never been to one.  She feels silly, pacing around her room trying to decide if she should change or put on makeup or… should she decorate?  Is that a thing people do?  She thinks about googling it, but that makes her feel even sillier, so she keeps pacing and thinking.

Alana doesn’t hear the doorbell, but she nearly jumps out of her skin when she gets a text from Zoe that reads, “im in front of your house >:)”  She sets her phone on her desk and goes to get the door, not bothering to respond.  

She lets Zoe in, shows her where she can put her bag, points out the bathroom — the motions she’d practiced in her head beforehand.  As soon as she has a moment to take it in, Alana breaks.  

Zoe’s hair had been braided earlier that day, but now she’s let it down and it falls around her shoulders.  She left her denim jacket at home, and Alana thinks she looks a little bit more vulnerable without it.  She’s wearing a floral skirt.  She looks girlish.  Alana isn’t complaining — it’s pretty cute, actually.  But she isn’t sure how she’s going to get through the night.  She can already feel a dull ache in her chest, and if it lasts much longer she’s going to do something drastic.

[tiny-maus-boots]

Queen of Hearts pt 4

A/N: sorry it took so long. pneumonia is a bitch. i’m better now.

A/N 2: thank you to my beta and bestie for doing the thing and posting for me. ilyan @chloes-yellow-cup

04. Playing Loose

Six minutes wasn’t a whole lot of time to get dressed let alone anything else no matter how her body throbbed uncomfortably. Aubrey buttoned a fresh pale lavender shirt and tucked it into her slacks with crisp movements. She couldn’t help the way her gaze kept drifting to Stacie even though she had pressing concerns she needed to be focusing on. Aubrey opted to forgo the vest and tie and shrugged on a navy blue jacket so dark it almost looked black. She could have gone for casual being that she was in her own home but her suits were her uniform and her armor. Aubrey was a different woman under the mantle of expensive Italian tailoring and she needed to be that person when facing federal agents.

“Is Beca going to get in trouble?” Aubrey blinked and raised a questioning gaze at Stacie. “Because right now it looks like she tipped you off about the federal agents coming here.”

The question pulled her attention away from the length of Stacie’s long toned leg and she sighed as she slipped into a pair of wingtip heels. “It doesn’t look great, no. Knowing Mitchell the way I do I would guess she has an answer for any question that comes up, though.”

Stacie pulled on a warm cashmere sweater over her leggings before frowning at Aubrey. “How do you know that?”

“Because she always does. That kid could lie her way out of the devil’s basement.” She had never met anyone that could be bullshit the way Beca Mitchell could. It made her dangerous to bet against and more often than not Aubrey would fold rather than call the detective’s bluff. She reached out and took Stacie’s hand as they wandered from the closet to bedroom and out into the hall. “Listen, Stace. I don’t want you to worry. They’re gonna ask me some questions, go through my things maybe, and leave. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. Just be ready to call my lawyer for me just in case.”

They were halfway down the stairs when the knock on the front door came. It was forceful and demanding in the way all cops knocked. Detective Mitchell pushed off from the wall she was leaning against. Their eyes met and Aubrey gave the other woman a brief nod before closing the distance to the door and pulling it open. She had been prepared for feds, had even been prepared for a lot of them, but she hadn’t been prepared for this particular federal agent standing on her front step.

The pinched faced brunette in an off the rack and ill-fitting women’s pant suit and matronly black pumps gave her a smugly superior look at the surprised look on her face. They stared at each other for a long moment before the politely smiling man at her side cleared his throat. Aubrey took in everything about him, from the boyishly innocent smile to the slight apologetic roll of his shoulders. The air of innocence was such a strong contrast to the woman’s pugnacious energy that it threw Aubrey off balance for a moment.

The blonde recovered quickly and let the familiar cool mask of her poker face slide into place. ”More uninvited guests, must be my lucky night.”

The other woman’s face twisted and she pushed past Aubrey into the house with an air of aggressive authority. She stepped back gestured inside as if she’d actually invited the agents in instead of letting them force their way in. Both agents stopped short when they caught sight of Detective Mitchell, each of them raising suspicious brows at her presence.

“Detective Mitchell, I wish I could say I’m surprised to see you here. Let me guess, you were just in the neighborhood? Thought you’d give your pal Posen the heads up about the agents headed her way?”

Beca rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. Every small gesture was laced with barely contained irritation and utter disdain. “Actually I was conducting an interview for my murder investigation. Which you are now impeding and obstructing.”

“Right, because your little case outweighs federal jurisdiction?”  

“Yeah I dunno that I’d call MURDER a little case but okay. Go off then.”

It was just enough of a clue for Aubrey to go on and she shut the door firmly to get everyone’s attention. “Does someone want to tell me why a homicide detective and two federal agents are having a pissing contest in my foyer?”

“We’re sorry. Uh we, I uh apologize Miss Posen. I’m Agent Applebaum and this is Agent…”

“Alice Esposito. I know who she is. We go way back, you and me, don’t we Ali-cat?”

“Agent Esposito.”

Aubrey smirked at getting a rise out of the other woman but gave a nod of acknowledgement. “Okay Agent, what the hell do you want from me?”

“I just wanted to ask you a few questions, but we can make this a more formal interview downtown if you like.”

Aubrey didn’t like the glimmer of glee in Alice’s eyes. It was the idea of marching the blonde into the station after all these years that had her riding in on her high horse and it made Aubrey want to knock her down a peg or two. “Sure we can go downtown. If you have a warrant.” The corner of her mouth pulled slightly in a mocking smirk. “Do you have a warrant for my arrest? You know those are tricky things to get. Being that they require proof of wrongdoing so you don’t finger the wrong man. So to speak.”

Agent Esposito’s eyes narrowed and it only made Aubrey’s smirk grow. Truthfully she was hoping that Alice would lose her temper and say or do something she would regret in front of so many witnesses but the other woman seemed to sense her endgame and clenched her jaw tight to keep from saying anything else. The other agent gave a brief smile but it wavered with uncertainty under the weight of the tension between his partner and her.

“There’s no need for lawyers, we’re here to talk nothing more.” His tone was soft, conciliatory even but there was something under the words that made her re-evaluate him. Yes he was green and inexperienced, yes he seemed surprisingly honest despite the viper pit he worked in, and yes he even seemed to be as boyishly innocent as he looked. But there was something there, something more. She made a mental note to have Happy look into him in the morning before giving him a slight jerk of her head.

“Fine, let’s make this quick. I have plans.”

Aubrey turned slightly and caught sight of Stacie eyeing her curiously, her fiancée’s gaze drifting over to Alice with an unreadable expression. There was a flash of something possessive in Stacie’s eyes before she smiled graciously and stepped forward to slip her arm into Aubrey’s. “Why don’t we all have a seat in the living room?” It might have been phrased as a question with perfect and polite intonation but it definitely was a command and Aubrey felt like the fly in the spider’s parlor as she followed at Stacie’s side to lead the agents and Detective Mitchell further into the house.

Beca had remained quiet so far but Aubrey didn’t trust it. Just like she didn’t trust the amused grin plastered on the smaller woman’s face as she plopped herself down on the couch and gazed back and forth between Alice and Aubrey. It was clear she was content watching the show and for a second Aubrey kind of hated her for it.

Alice perched on the very edge of the sofa as if allowing herself the luxury of sitting fully on it was somehow too much association with Aubrey. The offense at the disrespect it showed warred with the amusement of watching Alice trying to maintain her composure. Her attention was pulled away from Agent Esposito when Stacie’s warm weight settled in at her side, leaning into her body casually.

Aubrey turned her head slightly to watch Stacie cross one leg over the other gracefully before taking her hand. She had never been one for physical demonstrations of affection outside the bedroom, though in all fairness it was probably because she had never really been in love before. Now however, it came so easily she didn’t realize she was doing it.

Agent Applebaum pulled out a notebook and a pen and glanced to Beca. “Detective, you were here when we arrived, would you like to interview Miss Posen first?”

Beca shook her head with a barely contained snort of amusement and leaned further back on the couch, reclining with her hands behind her head. “Nah I’m good.”

He blinked at her for a moment then nodded and glanced to his partner. Alice had her eyes pinned to Stacie and Aubrey linked hands, her focus unnerving in its intensity. “Right. I’ll just…start.” He was uncomfortable but soldiered on bravely. “Miss Posen, do you own a small yacht?”

She had expected a soft question to warm up but he went right for the meat of the visit and it took her a second to consider her answer. “I do.” It wasn’t something she could hide, the yacht was registered in her name and she paid the dock fees from her personal bank account. It wasn’t a secret so she didn’t see the harm in answering in the affirmative. “Why?”

“We have reason to believe it may have been used in the commission of a crime.” Alice pinned Aubrey with a stare and raised her brow. Her tone clipped and a hair too loud where Applebaum’s had been easy and quiet. “When was the last time you took her out?”

Stacie shifted slightly in her spot, more of her body leaning into Aubrey. The blonde gave them a challenging stare. “Last weekend. Is that suddenly against the law?”

It wasn’t the answer they were looking for and her ricocheted question put them on the defensive but Alice pressed on. “How about a few months ago? Say maybe…8 or 9 months. You take your boat out then?”

Aubrey gave a scoffing laugh and shook her head. “Maybe but unless you’re asking something real specific…I just can’t bring anything to mind. Sorry.”

The agents looked at each other, silently communicating their next step before they turned back to her. Alice couldn’t quite keep the sneer off her face when she spoke. “How about the morning of May 17th? You remember taking your boat out then?”

She didn’t give either of them the satisfaction of flinching but her stomach sank. They were nosing around a case that was supposed to be closed already. Beca stirred on the couch and sat up with an interested cant to her head as she eyed the federal agents. Stacie’s fingers flexed in hers.

“I tell you what Posen, you don’t have to think too hard on it. I have an eye witness that can place you and your boat at the scene that day.”

The scene. Aubrey narrowed her eyes at the phrasing of the statement. She hadn’t said ‘at the marina’ or ‘on your boat’. She had said ‘at the scene’. There was only one person that could place her at the scene of anything. Except he was supposed to be dead.

Stacie sat up straighter and sighed. “This is an interrogation and I’ll tell you what Agent Esposito, if you really want to continue this I suggest you set up an interview with our attorney. In the meantime…get the hell out.”

The corner of her lips quirked when Alice frowned in mild confusion. The other woman’s muddy brown eyes drifted over Stacie, taking her in with a critical glance. But her assessment stopped at the glinting diamond on the taller woman’s finger. Several emotions twitched over the agent’s face but she gathered her composure and stood when her partner did.

Detective Mitchell didn’t have to be told to leave, it wouldn’t look good if she stayed. Almost as if she read Aubrey’s mind the homicide detective looked over her shoulder as she retrieved her motorcycle helmet from the front hall.

“This isn’t over Posen, I’ll be back and next time I’ll be picking this place through. Hear me?”

“Don’t make me have to put a restraining order on you, Mitchell.”

Applebaum and Esposito turned to see Beca whirl, her back to them as she stalked forward dangerously. The menace of the moment was ruined by the barely contained laugh on the cop’s face. Aubrey had to hand it to her, Beca’s tone didn’t belie the humor in her expression.

“Let me make this real clear Posen, nothing, not one goddamned thing, is going to stop me from continuing my investigation. I don’t let anyone bully me and I’m not scared of you.”

The Detective turned on a heel and stomped out the front door, brushing past the two agents watching them. It had all been for show, a misdirection to keep the feds guessing. But it rang true and Aubrey wondered if it was because nothing Beca had said had actually been a lie. It was a skilled bluff and she admired the play and the way it was delivered. She really had to give that kid a raise.

Aubrey leaned against the edge of the open door, one hand in the pocket of her slacks, everything about her posture indicating that she wasn’t threatened in the slightest. “See ya around Alicat.” A tremor of repressed rage ran through the short woman and she turned to toss Aubrey an ugly glare before she yanked open the door to a black SUV and shoved herself inside of it.

She gave a snort of amusement and pulled back to shut the door. Aubrey threw the lock and set the alarm quickly, sealing them off from the rest of the world. When she turned around Stacie was standing by table in the center of the large foyer, her expression unreadable. Something felt wrong and she raised her brow in question.

“What?”

“You want to tell me what that was all about?”

Oh. The blonde hung her head and let out a breath. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation and she wondered how Stacie would look at her after she explained herself. It had been a long time ago but she didn’t feel badly about any of it.

“I knew her from before. We went to the same Catholic school back East. We were friends until I moved to California when I was fourteen. Figured I’d never see her again and honestly I hadn’t thought much about her. Then awhile back, when I was starting to make a name for myself, she walks back into my life. Right into the Dirty Bird.”

It had been clumsy and heavy handed. They should have drawn it out, had them bump into each other casually in a neutral location. They should have made it look like a chance meeting rather than a blunt attempt to force a reunion. It had made Aubrey suspicious immediately but she played the game as expected. Reminiscing and flirting the night away as if she had actually took Alice at face value.

“I had some of my people look into her, her jacket came back exactly what she’d told me. Petty theft, ran with a rough crowd, couple of arrests for prostitution. It was too manufactured, didn’t feel right. So I tapped a different network to get more information.”

Stacie crossed her arms and raised both brows, voice hushed. “The mob?”

“Nah, the vecchie signore at Saint Sebastian’s. Those old birds know everything and all it cost me was a box of cannoli and an afternoon dodging blind dates with grandsons and great nephews.”

She could tell the answer amused Stacie but the other woman wasn’t quite ready to let go of her anger just yet. Her arms did uncross and the frown smoothed out from her brow. “So? What’d you find out?” Stacie was curious as much about Alice as the agent was likely to be about her. “We’re going to come back to this afternoon of old lady gossip later by the way.”

“I found out she was a fed working white collar. I figured she was on to me for laundering, I was getting a little too loose with my game. But I knew what she wanted and I knew if I didn’t give her something I wasn’t going to have time to extricate myself from everything. So I pursued her. Aggressively. We dated and I let her hear just enough to make her think I trusted her.”

“You fucked her.”

She had hoped that she could gloss right past that point but it was clear Stacie wasn’t going to let that happen. Aubrey hadn’t been proud of herself, it wasn’t some fucking game. It was survival. She had done it because it was necessary.

“Look, it was business. It had to look real, Stacie.”

“Her? Really?? What else did you do Aubrey? Might as well get it all out now.”

Whatever goodwill she had bought herself earlier vanished as Stacie bristled with jealousy. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to remain calm. Stacie had questions and Aubrey wanted to be honest with her because she trusted her and didn’t want to start a life together built on lies.

“I fed her misinformation, implicated a well-known councilman that had absolutely nothing to do with the business. I dropped hints and fed her lies for months.”

“Months? You were fucking her for months?” Stacie gave a short unhappy chuckle. “How long were you together?”

“About a year. It took them a long time to build a case and Alice was starting to chomp at the bit. This was gonna make her career if she pulled me and my entire network down. She got too eager and managed to get a warrant for the councilman. It was…highly publicized.”

“But she had the wrong guy.”

Aubrey nodded and shrugged. “By the time she recovered from that misstep I had shut the operation down. I walked away clean and she had nothing. I fucked her career and now she’s trying to get back at me.”

“Jesus Aubrey.” Stacie threw her hands up and paced away from the table. “A fucking year. Did you have feelings for her?”

The idea of it was so foreign that Aubrey could only shake her head for a second. “No!”

“Really? Because I’m not so sure “Ali-cat” got the fucking memo. Seriously? Fingering the wrong man? What the fuck Aubrey?”

Okay. She had to admit that maybe she shouldn’t have poked the bear in front of Stacie. But Aubrey honestly wasn’t flirting. Maybe digging the knife in would be a better way to describe it.

“Stace I swear…I was just fucking with her. I wanted to get under her skin.”

The tall brunette pulled her forward by the lapels of her jacket until they were nose to nose, anger sparking in the depths of her green eyes. “That better be the only thing you want to get under. If you’re with me, you’re with only me.”

Stacie pushed her away and took a step back but Aubrey reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “I could be in a room full of people but all I see is you. You got me Stace and I got you.” Aubrey brought their lips together in a searing kiss. There was only one person for her and that was Stacie, she couldn’t give a fuck about Alice Esposito and never really had. “Whatever that was before…it’s done.”

“It better be.” She was pushing Aubrey on purpose to get a reaction out of her. She wanted to be sure she had the blonde’s full attention. “I’m not fucking around.”

Aubrey growled and pressed forward making Stacie back into the table. The vase on top with fresh flowers wobbled slightly at the impact but she didn’t care. Long legs wrapped themselves around her waist as she lifted Stacie onto the table. She swept her arm out to knock the vase out of the way to give them room. It toppled to the floor with a crash but she didn’t care, she’d get another one.

Stacie pushed the jacket off her shoulders and yanked open her shirt to send buttons flying in different directions. Hands already roaming every inch of bare skin they could find. There was a desperate urgency in their kisses, the dull throb of their previous desire roaring to life like a wildfire. She was only too happy to claim and be claimed by Stacie, as many times as it took to hammer the point home. Stacie’s body rolled against hers in a slow undulating wave and she smiled. And she was betting that would be an all night affair. 

[tinsley-goldsworth]

you say sorry just for show (chapter 1)

this is book 2 in the ricky goldsworth case files series! find book 1 here!

read this chapter on ao3 here!

Summary: no matter how hard he tries, ricky’s past always catches up to him

Wc: 2311

Tw: mentions of divorce

A/n: okay so im really going off canon because technically Night Night is involved with the mob but here, he’s involved in gangs welcome to sam sucks at sticking to the canon

The last time Ricky lied to Tinsley was the time that he ruined everything and put his boyfriend’s life in danger. Now, he hadn’t lied to Tinsley since and had abandoned his job for real in order to spend time with Tinsley and to ensure their safety and privacy. C.C. and Ricky had slowly eased their way back into a relationship after C.C. gave Ricky a second chance. The first date was filled with tension and awkward laughter but by the end of the second date, Ricky and C.C. were sharing anecdotes and giggling at jokes like they used to.

There were times where C.C. would sometimes suspect that Ricky was lying or times when C.C. felt insecure or not good enough and Ricky was always there to comfort him and to assure him that he was more than enough. Ricky didn’t mind quitting his job; he had grown tired of running around and wanted to finally settle down and not have to worry about killing people all the time. C.C. still worked as a detective and made time for Ricky every night, no matter how demanding the case was. Sometimes Ricky would miss his old job and ability to plan strategic murders but he was content with where he was in life right now.

The false reality Ricky had constructed for C.C. when they were living together in that small town had now become their reality, but a thousand times better. Ricky didn’t realize how emotionally draining and how morally conflicting all the tasks he did in the past were until now. Unfortunately, even though Ricky left his past behind him, it seemed like his past was always trailing him wherever he went, no matter how much he tried to avoid it. He found himself constantly thinking that he saw an old associate from his mob days but then discover that it was merely a person who vaguely looked like somebody he used to know. Ricky would also wake up in the middle of the night, the adrenaline rush of participating in organized crime calling to him.

C.C. knew how often Ricky’s past haunted him and whenever Ricky woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep, C.C. would wake up and comfort him. C.C. didn’t mind comforting Ricky and was always there for him with a generous amount of patience and an open mind to listen. Ricky was really lucky to finally have found somebody who cared about him and accepted him despite everything he did in his past. No matter how much he did to clear his record, Ricky would always have these memories and see a monster whenever he looked in the mirror. But of course, he mostly kept these emotions to himself because that’s what he had learned to do.

Ricky always had a feeling that his past would eventually catch up to him so he lived in the moment whenever he could. He never took a second he spent with C.C. as granted because he had a feeling that this life, as permanent as it felt, wasn’t going to stay this way for long, and he was correct.

Ricky took C.C. to eat at an Italian restaurant and C.C. joked about Ricky being able to afford this with all the money he made before. Ricky obviously brushed off this joke, laughing along with his boyfriend but this led to his past popping up in the back of his mind again. The dinner date was quite pleasant and Ricky enjoyed simple dates where he got to sit down and talk with C.C. in a low-stress environment.

When Ricky waved over a waiter for the bill, he was shocked when the waiter brought back the checkbook with the bill already paid for. There was no name for whoever paid for it but there was a note tucked inside the checkbook. C.C. frowned as he took out the note and read it aloud, “‘You owe me one, big bro.’ Who could’ve sent this? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Don’t worry about it. We should get going,” Ricky curtly replied, standing up and gently taking the note away from C.C.’s hands. C.C. knew there was more than what Ricky was letting on and as he got into the passenger seat of Ricky’s car, he observed the tightening muscles in Ricky’s jaw and the way Ricky’s hands clenched the wheel so hard, his knuckles colored an unhealthy shade of white. If C.C. wasn’t so concerned about why the note had bothered Ricky, he would be making a joke about how Ricky looked like he had just seen a ghost.

“What’s the note about?” C.C. pressed, following his instinct that there was more to the note than Ricky was letting on.

“Nothing. I told you, don’t worry about it,” Ricky answered through clenched teeth, clearly set on the edge. He looked more frustrated than angry and that scared C.C. more because he knew that this was something much bigger than he anticipated.

“Ricky, the last time you covered up something, that ended up with me getting kidnapped and you having to murder somebody so it’s probably a good idea to tell me what the note is referencing,” C.C. reasoned dryly, clearly starting to get fed up with Ricky. Ricky briefly switched his attention from the road to C.C. and after he saw his boyfriend’s expression, he sighed and caved.

“I’ll tell you when we get home. It’s a long story,” Ricky sighed in defeat and pressed his foot down on the gas pedal harder than he should have when the light turned green. When they got home, Ricky poured two mugs of tea and brought them to the dinner table, sitting across from C.C. as he prepared to tell the story.

“First things first, you need to know that I have a younger brother. He goes by the name ‘Night Night’ but more on that later,” Ricky began and C.C. immediately looked surprised. He couldn’t blame C.C. for being so shocked; it wasn’t normal to find out your boyfriend had been hiding the fact that he had a brother.

“Wait, how come I never met him? I hung out with you so much when we were younger and you never even mentioned him,” C.C. places his hands on the side of the mug, trying to maintain a calm composure despite just having learned vital information Ricky somehow managed to never mention in all their years spent together.

“My parents got divorced, remember? Basically, my mom thought my dad was starting to get too rowdy and less careful after getting involved with gangs and some stuff happened. And so, after my mom had me and my brother, they got divorced and my dad raised my brother and my mom raised me,” Ricky paused to take a sip of tea and to see if C.C. was following along. C.C. nodded, urging Ricky to continue on with his story. “So I was raised to get involved in higher-up criminal activity while Night Night was raised to fight in gangs. We don’t talk much but when we do, it’s just to ask for favors or information. A while back, I had to ask Night Night for some help for dealing with this one nosy detective and now I guess I need to return a favor.”

“Okay, I’ll go with you. He obviously needs help with something and I’m coming with you,” C.C. stated, his face set in a determined expression. When C.C. was determined, Ricky couldn’t stop him even if he tried.

“Are you sure? This favor could be dangerous,” Ricky reluctantly asked and C.C. nodded without hesitation. He sighed and took out his phone, texting Night Night for the first time in years.

-

They set a time, date, and location to meet and Ricky tells Night Night that he’s bringing Tinsley. C.C. doesn’t know what to expect from Night Night when he and Ricky show up to the warehouse where they’re supposed to meet Night Night. When C.C. and Ricky walked into the warehouse, C.C. saw Night Night sitting on a chair, a beer in hand. As they walked closer, he saw that Night Night shared some similar features with Ricky, like facial structure, but he gave a tougher impression than Ricky. There were bruises on his knuckles and scars on his neck.

“So, this is your boy toy?” Night Night pointed to C.C. with the neck of his beer bottle, smirking at C.C. and Ricky’s reactions.

“Don’t call him that. He’s a person,” Ricky snapped as he took a seat across from Night Night in a plastic fold-out chair and crossed his legs. C.C. gave Night Night a pointed look and Night Night raised his eyebrows, slightly amused.

“Alright. Whatever you want,” Night Night seemed to be enjoying himself a bit and C.C. started to wonder if he needed anything or if he just wanted to tease Ricky.

Ricky apparently shared the same thought and crossed his arms as he asked, “Cut the crap, what do you want?”

“I’m calling in the favor you owe me. I need you to help me get an opposing gang off the charts,” Night Night’s collected act disappeared as worry was starting to show in his face. Ricky frowned at Night Night’s request, clearly contemplating whether he should agree to help.

“I don’t kill people anymore,” Ricky answered hesitantly, still silently debating if he should agree. He looked over at C.C., who was also deep in thought. He couldn’t tell if C.C. thought that the benefits outweighed the costs but had a feeling that C.C. wasn’t too stoked about the idea of Ricky getting involved in illegal activities again.

“You don’t have to kill them. You just have to get rid of them,” Night Night argued. Ricky knew that this task would be difficult and dangerous, regardless of whether he actually had to do any killing.

“Isn’t that the same thing?” C.C. chimes in, earning a chuckle from Night Night. Night Night waved a dismissive hand, breaking into an amused grin.

“So, are you going to help or not?” Night Night asked, looking Ricky in the eyes, covering up his fear of rejection well.

“You’ll have to explain it a bit more before I agree. I need to know what I’m getting into if I agree to help,” Ricky replies and Night Night nodded. He took a sip from his bottle of beer and shifted in his seat before beginning to explain.

“Basically, my gang fought to get to the top of all the gangs and we’ve been there for years. Now, there’s a gang led by this psycho called Maizey and her gang is infiltrating our ranking really quickly,” Night Night explained and Ricky nodded to show that he was actively listening. “My boys and I have been trying to get rid of them but we need extra help.”

“We’ll do it,” C.C. answered and Ricky turned to state at his boyfriend. How C.C. always seemed to know what Ricky was thinking was a mystery Ricky was never going to be able to solve.

“Are you sure you’re up for it? Gangs are different from serial killers,” Ricky gently asked, placing his hand on C.C.’s. Ricky almost never showed affection in public but in this situation, he needed to know that C.C. was comfortable with what he was agreeing to. When C.C. nodded, Night Night placed his empty beer bottle down and clapped his hands together loudly and obnoxiously.

“Great! Now, I just need you to find out where they’re heading to next so we can be one step ahead,” Night Night grinned, obviously relieved that they had agreed to help.

“I thought this was just a one-time thing. You know, just wipe them out and we’re done. It should be clean, easy, and simple,” Ricky frowned as Night Night broke out into laughter. Ricky didn’t enjoy getting involved in gang schemes as they were unnecessarily complicated sometimes.

“Ricky, there’s nothing clean about gang rivalries. Getting rid of these people isn’t as easy as you think it is so it has to be a multiple step plan,” Night Night explained slowly as if he were telling a toddler how to add numbers.

“I can find out,” C.C. spoke up for the first time in a while and Night Night and Ricky both turned their heads towards him. Night Night’s expression was one of surprise while Ricky’s was one of concern. They both stared at him for a moment, shocked at his offer. C.C. simply shrugged and nonchalantly added, “After all, I’m a detective. Just because I’m not a psychopath it doesn’t mean I’m useless.”

Night Night nodded and cleared his throat before Ricky could start to intervene, “So it’s settled then. Find out by Wednesday night and meet me back here.”

By the time Ricky and C.C. drove back home, it was already dark, so they got into bed and got ready to sleep. As they were cuddling in bed, Ricky asked, “Are you sure you’re up for this? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt. I can handle myself,” C.C. pressed a gentle kiss to Ricky’s forehead and murmured. “Go to sleep now. You’re going to be tired in the morning.”

Ricky tried to fall asleep quickly but the thoughts in his head and worries kept him up. Eventually, even his brain was exhausted of Ricky’s contemplations and he drifted off to sleep with the taste of his past still burning on his tongue.

~

taglist: @hot-mess-writer @thesevensins-1990

chapter 2 is out now!

[aion-rsa]

In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

K.M. Szpara‘s debut Docile was one of the most binge-able, divisive reads of 2020. A near-future drama set in a world in debt crisis (imagine that), Docile explores the violence of capitalism at the most intimate of interpersonal levels, as we follow Elisha as he sells himself to trillionaire Alex in order to pay off his family’s debts. With Docile, Szpara, a queer and trans Baltimore-based author, proved himself willing to dive into some complex, culturally loaded subjects to tell a science fiction story that reflects some central yet ignored truths about our contemporary society. For me, a White reader, the ways in which Docile works outweigh it doesn’t (one major criticism: the book’s avoidance of addressing America’s real-life history of slavery), but this will be different for every reader.

In his second book, First, Becomes Ashes (out today!), Szpara is similarly ambitious in topic and theme. Ashes is a standalone novel that takes place in the aftermath of the destruction of a maybe-magical cult, following four different characters caught up in the messy repercussions of the FBI’s raiding of the Fellowship of the Anointed. Much of the novel’s early perspective comes from Lark, an almost 25-year-old who believes wholeheartedly in the teachings of cult leader Nova, and that he has been chosen to learn magic and martial arts in order to hunt the monsters that ravage the world outside the Fellowship gates. Like Docile, it’s a startlingly unique premise. Despite having four separate POV characters, Ashes is able to maintain a mystery around some of the fundamental truths of this world, leaving the reader to wonder if magic exists in this world or not.

Den of Geek: Where did the inspiration for the book that would become First, Become Ashes begin?

K.M. Szpara: The idea hit me like a comeback three hours too late! I’ve always been interested in cults and faith and belonging. As a speculative fiction author, I had to give it a fantasy twist. Magic is something many of us have wished for since childhood. What if it was real—and then what if we were told it wasn’t?  

This book has several POV characters, but you very much begin with Lark’s POV. Can you talk about how you went about deciding who would be POV characters and how you came up with the pacing for expanding the perspective-scope of this story?

One of my favorite ways to create tension is to show how different people experience the same event(s). Ashes shows dissolution of a cult from four points of view. Two “privileged” members who are Anointed—one a believer and one a doubter. One member who is a Fellow, a regular layperson. One outsider who has dreamed of having the magic the Anointed claim. Each of these characters experienced life differently before and after the Fellowship’s dissolution and they’re all tied together in deeply personal emotional ways. The pacing really comes down to knowing how to choose each chapter’s POV. And for me, it’s which character will be most effected by an event. For example, Lark performs healing magic on himself in front of Calvin. Though Lark is the one being healed and performing magic, it’s Calvin who’s seeing magic up close for the first time. It’s Calvin who’s wanted magic his whole life and is inches from it. That’s what drives the story forward.

Something you do in both Docile and Ashes that I love is give us a POV character who is an outsider to a world the reader will most likely recognize and then offer Nacirema-esque observation from that protagonist-outsider. Is this something you do intentionally? Why are you interested in telling stories in this way?

I had not heard of Nacirema until this question, but I love this observation! For anyone else hearing this for the first time, a cursory Google tells me that the term Nacirema is “American” spelled backwards and is a term used in sociology and anthropology to show distance while studying people in the United States of America. (I’m not a social scientist—amateur Googler over here!) I use outsider characters in this way because I want readers to see how aspects of their lives mirror the characters’ lives, how our society mirrors these harmful fictional societies. It’s easy to read about a cult and think you would never be drawn in, but that happens to people like you and me—and there are aspects of the U.S. that are cultish but not named in that way. I want people to see how they have been drawn in, how hard it is to unlearn and escape that harm. Because sometimes it looks and feels like magic and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

I love all of the fandom explanation and outsider observation in this book. Why did you want to have a fan character like Calvin as such a central part of this story, and how did you want to depict fandom more generally?

When I think about who would be deeply invested in magic being real, it’s people like me who grew up reading SFF, wishing I’d walk through a portal to another world—even though the stories that took place in them were full of danger. There was magic! I’ve joked with friends that if one of them texted to tell me a real wizard or vampire or werewolf was in their house, I would absolutely drop everything and go to them. I want to see! I want to lift the veil! That’s what Lilian does when her BFF Calvin texts that an Anointed member of the Fellowship is in their hotel room.

But that doesn’t mean Calvin’s motivations are pure and good—nor are they malicious! Like fandom, he’s imperfect. He wants magic and monsters to be real so badly that he’s sometimes willing to hurt others in pursuit of his dreams. Though Calvin doesn’t represent fandom as a whole—what one person could?—I did want to show someone who’s helpful and harmful, family-friendly and sexy, successful and unfulfilled. Complicated, like most of us and our interests are!

A central tension of Ashes is the mystery of if Lark’s magic is real, which creates this experience as a reader of not totally understanding as you’re reading what genre the book itself even is—is it speculative fiction or is it something else? It was a really unique reading experience, and led me to wonder as I was reading if and why I cared about classifying it. What a cool use of the “unreliable” narrator! Can you talk about creating and sustaining this tension/mystery and what you wanted to do with it?

It was difficult! Whether magic appears successful depends on the chapter’s POV character and its place within the arc. Sometimes a spell’s result is instant and sometimes it’s implied. Often faith is the difference. In that way we’re all unreliable narrators—everyone is only telling their own truth as they see it, as they’ve been raised and taught to see it. I wanted to keep readers wondering, not just for the thrill of “is magic real?” but why they’re asking. Who do they believe—who do they want to believe? Does it matter who’s “right”? Why? Read and answer for yourself! Ashes is a fantasy novel… if you want it to be.

Were the in-universe discussion of preferred pronouns always part of this story and the culture of the Fellowship? 

Yes. Cults don’t exist because they seem unattractive and survivors often have at least some fond memories. I wanted to create a place that felt somewhat harmonious and fruitful, which included the ability to find and be yourself with full acceptance. Something I wish existed outside of my imaginary cult, as well!

Both Ashes and Docile depict experiences and topics that are very sensitive for many readers—i.e. abuse, rape, and sadomasochism—and that therefore most “mainstream” authors either shy away from completely or depict very superficially. Why are you interested in exploring these themes in your storytelling? What conclusions, if any, are you hoping for readers to come away with in relation to these themes specifically?

Firstly, no authors are required to deal with such heavy topics. I choose to; they’re common experiences and I’m not interested in glossing over them. I want to show how rape and abuse and conditioning affect people both in the moment and long after. And the sadomasochism in Ashes is not a depiction of a healthy S&M experience, but that’s not to imply that S&M is inherently unhealthy—because it absolutely can be! And lots of real people experiment with and engage in various forms of BDSM, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. I’m not writing guidebooks or after-school specials. My goal is not to portray perfect relationships or characters taking all the right steps. It is to show emotional truths. To portray how complicated and messy people are and reality is when it comes to traumatic situations.

It’s interesting to me that you use 25 as the coming-of-age age in this story. Can you talk about why you made that decision?

Ages like eighteen and twenty-one only mean something because we have decided they do. The Fellowship doesn’t operate by our rules, so I chose twenty-five, which felt like a natural milestone as a quarter century. Additionally, I wanted those leaving the Fellowship on their quests to be young adults (not in the publishing category sense) who were old enough to consider themselves competent but not so old that they’d had a lot of time as an adult to reflect on their experiences. A lot is ingrained in children and teenagers and I personally spent a lot of my early twenties both learning more and new information about myself and the world, but also unlearning some of the harmful aspects I’d absorbed from my younger years. It’s a time when many are figuring out their place in the world as independent adults, for the first time, not unlike the Anointed going out on their quests.

Are there things you especially learned in the writing and publishing of Docile that inspired how you wrote and edited this story?

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It was nice to edit a book having already done so once because the mystery was gone—but that didn’t make it any easier! Second books are their own brand of tricky—and I like to try new things with craft, to push myself, which is fun but also stressful. There is a feeling of both familiarity while writing a second book, and also fear that maybe you wrote that first book my accident somehow and will never be able to do it again. Luckily, I have an awesome team at Tordotcom Publishing and they saw me through it, again. 

First, Become Ashes is now available to buy wherever books are sold, including via Tor.com.

Note: First, Become Ashes contains explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape.

The post In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3dDRjqT

[grahamfinch1990]

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[linkspooky]

I've followed your blog only recently, but I really enjoy your metas (although I couldn't read much of them due to my tight time schedules). Maybe you have answered it in one way or another, but can you explain to me why Furuta manipulated Ui into... "cooperating" with him? He could have simply murdered him or he could have orchestrated a mission where he would die off for good. Since most of his aquaintances are dead, Ui has little to no emotional ties with the rest of the CCG and its members

so people would have been mostly wary of his death at worst. Or is Ui regarded that highly that it’s probably better to keep him alive? I am not good at critical thinking, so I apologise for that, but I just don’t understand why Furuta didn’t think twice trying to kill Urie, but he bribes Ui into staying at his side instead. Considering Urie’s importance as a Quinx, thus being a revolutionary experiment, and Ui, who is admittely incredibly skilled and respected, Urie would be much more important

I would argue (especially for Kanou, even if he had Shirazu’s body as as an introduction for the Quinx’ biology). And why is Ui the only one Furuta didn’t try to mercilessly taunt and kill like the rest of his CCG collegues? Sorry for bothering you, I would love to hear some input from your part. And thanks for having so much patience.

Oooh yes this is actually something I’ve put a lot of thought into so don’t worry about bugging me I’m pretty excited to answer a question like this anon. To preface this though before I start typing it up, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject so it might get a bit rambly. So i’m breaking it into parts. 

(1) - Story Reasons

The Ui and Furuta relationship is actually something that has been set up for a long time coming. Tokyo Ghoul is kind of messy at times, but if you look back to the work as a whole it’s a bit amazing how many things that were set up as far back as the Rose arc are paying off now. Ui was technically introduced before Furuta, but the first arc that they were given prominence was shared together. 

Not only that, but the person to recover Furuta after Furuta decided to kill Matsumae and then wipe out the witnesses was Ui himself, and Ui was the first person to seamlessly believe his lie. Not only that but before that point, Furuta was only established as the lacky who followed a brutal man like Kijima’s every word. The story even went so far out of it’s way to show how Ui and his sense of morality vehemently disapproved of Kijima. 

Which adds an extra sense of irony to Ui’s current position. That is, Furuta’s right hand man and essentially his lacky who exists to give him validity by acting as an advisor as one of the few remaining special classes with experience and record, to a bureau chief that otherwise would have appeared out of nowhere and was only a Rank 1 before that point. In other words Furuta and Ui have changed positions. Ui has gone from visibly disapproving of Kijima and being in a position of power over Furuta, to being under Furuta’s thumb, and also endorsing the kind of slaughter and brutality that Furuta promotes even though that far outweighs what he once disapproved of in Kijima.

When Furuta is standing on a pile of corpses in front of cheering audiences, he deliberately makes it a point to have Ui stand right by his side. This is the man who once called Kijima a maniac for making a public display of one torture video, and now he’s standing on Furuta’s side atop a pile of corpses that they’re specifically presenting to the public. 

This irony is a pretty strong thematic reason for why Ui of all characters works so well as a right hand to Furuta. Remember, part of the reason for the setting change in :Re was to give a more balanced viewpoint of the CCG. Our introduction is Mado in the original Tokyo Ghoul, and we’re confronted immediately with it’s abuses. Even though there are good investigators shown in Tokyo Ghoul, it’s also made quite clear that these same investigators are 100% okay with Mado’s abuses of the ghouls he hunts. Amon who is the paragon investigator for all of original Tokyo Ghoul is concerned, encouraged and even approved of Mado. 

Re: introduces us to at least two investigators who actually go above and beyond merely tolerating the bloody part of their job. There is Fura who considers the CCG and sees them as they are, people who take lives. Then there is Ui, who hopes that the CCG investigators can conduct themselves like heroes of justice. Of course, these two characters are also thematically linked in that they are close colleagues with each other and both of them are connected to Arima. 

As I said it’s important for Ui’s early character arc that he actually did call out Kijima, because nobody else on the task force even went that far. Neither Fura nor Sasaki raised a voice, even though the both of them disagreed with it personally. Two otherwise good people. Ui is not just an example of an investigator with good morals, he is pretty much the template the story gives to us of what the CCG could be at it’s absolute best. There’s a reason he’s constantly referred to as the new hope of the Arima Squad. 

Ui is basically the stand in for what a good human investigator should act like. With his obsession for justice then, he becomes the thematic equivalent for the CCG’s own justice. Ui is so in tune with the ideology and the system of thinking, of repressed feelings, rank and advancement that the CCG employs that even when mourning all of the people he’s lost he does so by referring to them as his rank and file associates, as if they were only coworkers to him.

Ui is literally so tied into the CCG’s way of thinking, he’s willing to sell his own soul and burn the world down for the small chance to revive Hairu, and he has yet to even in character at once admit that he had feelings for Hairu other than that of a coworker. 

As you said though, Urie could be slotted for this position too because he’s just as into the rank and file dynamic and Ui clearly is. However, the difference is that Urie enjoys the brutality of the CCG, and he’s shown enjoying it for a good portion of the manga. Even against Amon, Urie’s primary strategy is strike them down first because they’re our enemy. Even if he’s no longer calling himself the chosen one while striking through ghouls there’s clearly a part of him that is just as into the conflict ridden part of the CCG.

Whereas, it’s Ui who was trying to keep his head above such things. The fact that he struggled to do so, that he called out Kijima when other characters didn’t meant Ui at least had a higher point, an ideal he was striving for. Which makes it much more of a fall when you see him buckle due to his own inner demons. 

The fact that Ui too had his own set of insecurities to deal with at the beginning of his arc is part of what builds up to his later fall and makes him more fitting. There’s a tension, between his stated reasons and his ideals, and then the personal grievances that betray him. Ui is jealous over Sasaki, he thinks he’s dangerous because specifically he’s a ghoul. He also thinks that Sasaki is going to take Arima’s legacy away from Arima himself.

Haise is something that interrupted his Rose tinted view of Arima. Ui also could not understand why Arima would continue to make excuses for him over and over again even though Haise continually lost control when he was a part of zero squad. 

This also builds up to yet another irony in the fact that Ui was totally right to be wary of Sasaki. Sasaki in fact in the end did raise up his blade against Arima and leave the CCG just as he expected all along he would. Sasaki is responsible for the death of his mentor, and if Ui were to ever learn the truth Sasaki would probably have killed the rosy idealistic hero of justice image of Arima that Ui held in his mind. The one he wanted to cling to so badly that he was willing to let his personal emotions towards Sasaki interfere with the right and most efficient way to conduct his investigation. 

Which is another part of what I was saying earlier that all of these conflicts have been building for a long time. It was Ui of all the special classes who went out of his way to try to put down Sasaki and had a low key rivalry with him for Arima’s attention. It was also Ui, who was the first person to stumble upon Sasaki after he had first gotten his memories back and began his pathway to becoming the one eyed king.

The conflict between Ui and Sasaki storywise is also something that has been brewing for a long time, which is why it makes sense for Ui specifically to be counted as among one of Furuta’s closest personnel. 

Back to what I was originally saying though, Ui represents the conflict of the CCG as a whole which is to fit into this rank and file system that encourages you to repress your emotions vs following your own emotions. Which is why when the CCG is threatened, when there are uneasy things on the horizon the one who notices it is always Ui.

The other investigators, even Suzuya squad only talks about the humans hidden among the clowns as a hit for morale whereas Ui sees it for what it is. Human lives that were lost and the end of the CCG. 

Immediately, the first person to notice that Furuta spelled the end for the CCG, was not Juuzou, not Urie, but rather it was Ui.

This is at the same time that people like Marude and Urie believe that they can restore some version of the CCG, that they can simply bring back the people who have lost their way. 

Even drowning in grief and his own delusions about his self desires, Ui has a unique clarity about the CCG as a whole, because for all intents and purposes Ui is the CCG. Which is why thematically he makes such a perfect right hand to share witness to the experience the corruption of the CCG as Furuta drags the rot up to the surface.

There’s also of course my oft mentioned Garden connections. Ui of any character has the strongest ties to all of the garden characters we have seen as significant in canon, Hairu, Arima, and Furuta. Even to the rest of squad zero as he refers to the kids by name when fighting them in 139. If there was ever somebody from a relatively normal human perspective to come to the CCG, learn about the kids and actually react to it, whereas Take and Kaneki have mostly sat on the information that there are literal child breeding gardens and child slave rings, it could be Ui.

Which is why it is interesting that Ui is currently slotted for an antagonist. Kaneki has already made it pretty clear he has no sympathy at all for both Furuta’s backgrounds and goals, but if there was somebody to have sympathy for the devil in Furuta’s closing moments that catharsis might be brought to the audience by Ui, once again using Ui as a relatively normal human standin for these things. 

(2) Character Reasons

The second part of this questio though, is that despite the brilliant plot setup for Ui’s place in the story. Why as a character would Furuta pick Ui of all people. I said much earlier in this arc, that technically if Furuta wanted to he would have black mail to bring Urie and Juuzou also under his heel in the same way he did for Ui.

Yet when Furuta does so, he only really went so far out of his way to bribe Ui to join his side. Even though Urie was promoted and given special responsibilies the same way that Ui was when Urie shows the same amount of disloyalty Furuta settles on killing him. Which, as you said, not only did Furuta get Ui a present, Furuta also allows Ui to blatantly disagree with him and call his actions into question.

Furuta argues back and forth with Ui as if he were a person rather than a pawn. He goes out of his way to convince him. This is shockingly different from the way he treats Kuroiwa and Urie, who after going so far as filing paperwork against him, he sicks his ghouls on to destroy both of them.

If Furuta’s strategy were to simply bribe everybody like his volume cover suggests, than he could have easily gotten Urie to his side at that moment with the promise of a revived Shirazu. Especially since Urie has a long monologue about how much he wants Shirazu back and how perfect things would be if only Shirazu were alive. 

However, he does not which suggests the way he treats Ui is unique to the way he treats everybody else. There could be several in character motivations for that. 

A pretty obvious one is that Urie and Kuroiwa both represent and long for a return of the old CCG, which was exactly the thing that created Furuta in the first place. Urie’s ultimate goal at the moment seems to be to just become his father, and that’s obviously not the kind of thing that Furuta would approve of.

Now, I’m not going to go so far as to say that Furuta holds Ui so close because of sentimental reasons. While there is of course precedent for each of the Washuu Chairman, or Washuu chairman potentials to have one human in particular that they seem to put a lot of trust and faith in to the point of looking like the Washuu equivalent of a friendship. I made a post about it here [x].

So Yoshitoki -> MarudeFuruta -> UiMatsuri -> Urie

However, Furuta’s joke of a flashback made it quite clear that Furuta’s never been loved in his life and therefore there’s nobody he would possibly open up to emotionally in that regard. It’s possible that the only person he’s even considered roughly as an equal collaborator was Kanou, and Kanou is just a sociopath who wants to do fun science.

So yes, even though Ui was basically the first person in the bureau to stand up for Furuta significantly, encourage him or back him in any way.

I don’t think we’re meant to read that as a reason Furuta would get emotionally attached to Ui in any way. After all, Furuta hates emotions. 

There are possibilities then as to why Furuta goes out of his way to give special treatment to Ui after this point. It could be because Ui’s willingness to assume all responsibility was something Furuta ironically took to mean that Ui would make the easiest one out of all of them to manipulate. After all if Ui says he’ll assume all responsibility, and Furuta becomes a tyrant and goes on a rampage specifically because he had Ui’s backing, then isn’t that Ui’s fault?

There’s a certain kind of irony to that, and Furuta is still a clown after all. They are attracted to story tropes and painting them over real life. It could be Furuta treating Ui as the main character in his own personal Faustian tragedy of the CCG. Therefore it makes him especially a good target if he convinces the new hope of the Arima Squad to sell out the CCG to him for very personal and selfish reasons. 

There’s also the possibility that Furuta’s understanding of emotions are so twisted by that point that his way of returning the favor for Ui helping him out, is to manipulate him in this sense. If Furuta is not self aware, then the way he describes bringing Rize back so inhumanely could be just how he is on the inside. A forever stunted Washuu child who has no restraint on his own actions.

Then, “paying back Ui” for helping him at the start of the Clown Raids and sticking his neck out for him, by stealing away Hairu’s head and using it to manipulate Ui could just be the kind of childishly bloody logic that Furuta ascribes to.

My third, and strongest theory behind why Furuta goes so far as to select Ui to be his right hand is more dependant on once again Furuta having an element of self awareness to his character. It could be because Furuta and Ui are actually extremely similar individuals, and Furuta likes to play games with the people who are similiar to him.

Look at how far and out of his way he went for Eto after all. He hurts her while at the same time helps her, he kills her manager but also gives her a way to break out of her cell and facilitate her own one eyed king plans. He even suggests they work together while running for their lives.

No one can deny the similarities between Furuta and Eto. The two of them are both unloved children taking it out bloodily and violently on the world at large. They both use Kanou, and seem to prefer to use ghoulification as their main means of advancing their plans. They also create hybrids when each of them are naturally born hybrids and therefore unique to every other humand and ghoul in existence.

Furuta also, who is incredibly careful about making sure witnesses are exterminated and people are dead so there are no loose ends in his plans, simply roughs Eto up and then leaves her alive there. There’s no way he was no intentionally sparing her in this circumstance then, especially since his pattern of behavior beforehand has been to exterinate everybody and be sure they were dead even if he had no hard feelings against them. 

Yet he deliberately leaves Eto alive, and as many say there’s a good chance that Eto too might make a comeback in the manga because she was never explicitly killed and shown a corpse onscreen. My suggestion though is not that he sympathized with her, or wanted to spare her out of mercy, but rather that Furuta plays games with the individuals that are like him. The game stops being fun if the opponent dies just like that.

Let’s compare Ui and Furuta for a moment. Furuta’s main spoken motivation is the love he held from Rize as a child, but that love is exactly what leads him to dehumanize her and use her for scientific experiments against her will.

So Furuta has feelings for Rize, but the only time we see him act on those feelings or even confront her is when she’s almost entirely stripped of agency. Rize in a way represents Furuta’s own humanity and emotions. The only act of genuine good and love he’s done in his entire life, and he goes so far out of his way to completely destroy it’s legacy, and chain it up in a box where no one can touch it. 

Furuta is somebody who is calm and analytical on the surface, but is controlled by deep and dark emotions that perhaps even he himself is scared of. So he seeks to control those emotions, and because those emotions are so tied up in Rize he seeks to control Rize too.

The we have Ui, who is also deeply emotional but extremely cold, logical, intuitive, and rigid on the surface. Ui’s current goal in the arc mirrors in a way Furuta’s. He’s trying to control his grief, the kind that makes him feel so hopeless right now. 

However rather than deal with his emotions as a person, he’s projecfed them all onto the faces of the people he’s lost. Hairu among all of them stands out to him, perhaps because she was the closest to him and Ui loved her all along, or perhaps because she was the first one to die and the wound is the freshest. Either way, we see Ui doing a similiar thing that Furuta does to Rize which is to make a decision about her own agency, without her consent that might possibly limit her agency too in the name of subjecting her to scientific experimentation.

Ui justifies himself in that she might come back, and that this is his only hope of bringing her back despite being clearly warned otherwise by Okahira.

Ignoring the fact that Hairu never even asked for him to do this. That Ui was not the one that Hairu loved, it was Arima, so even if she were to come back from the dead with no strings attached Ui would not get the relationship with her she wanted. Then also, if this were to go horribly wrong, if Hairu were to turn into a monster that only consumed like Noro, or somebody like Rize constantly in pain, traumatized and begging for food that it would be Ui’s sole responsibility for subjecting her to that state in the name of saving her. 

Basically, even though he says it’s for Hairu’s sake: It’s not. The same way that everything Furuta does for Rize, is mostly just for Furuta. 

Ui just wants, an answer to his grief, a person to protect, a reason to continue fighting. He’s in desperate need of all of these things, so he’s forcing Hairu to become them for him.

Which is similiar to Furuta. Furuta and Ui both want to escape their own ocean deep existential grief, they want to conform perfectl to the system and not have to be human beings and to do this they dehumanize the women who mean the absolute most to them, because that caring feeling is a part of vulnerability and a part of being human. 

As I said, Furuta also likes to play games with people who are alike him and not only is there a game to play with Ui, there is one with Arima.

Ui, and Take were the twin supports of Arima’s squad. Yet, Furuta has gone so far out of his way to make Furuta his right hand man in his leadership of the CCG, whereas Take has become a sort of a right hand man to Kaneki after Kaneki succeeded Arima. 

The two of them were necessary to succeed Arima, they held the squad on their shoulders and without both of them it all comes to naught. Yet Furuta goes out of his way to get Ui onto his side, and give him reason to stay on his side. Not only does it match perfectly, with the other half of the Arima squad defecting to Kaneki’s side, as the two of them are now both kinds, carrying one half of the pillars Arima left behind but there is something odd about the relationship between Furuta and Arima.

The two of them are introduced as V agents at exactly the same time, the two of them both rebel against V, the story even goes so far as to line them up in parallel when Airma is defeated by Kaneki and Furuta defeats Eto. Yet, at the same time, the two of them do not cooperate at all despite all of the similarities between them. 

Arima is even shown specifically mentioning him as a garden child along with Furuta. However, when it’s told how Arima used Zero Squad and raised up Garden children as investigators to give them hope that they may one day escape, then why was it Furuta specifically who was left out of this plan? Who was alone and assigned as a no name investigator to follow Kijima around of all people?

Either Furuta did not accept Arima Kishou’s brand of hope, or he was purposefully left out of it. Either way though, I can see Furuta wanting to play games with Ui, one half of what Arima left behind in all of his great effort to cultviate zero squad, as a way of playing with his now dead brother.

The fact that Arima went out of his way to leave everything to one of his trusted men, and left Ui so vulnerable and with practically nothing. That is something I can see Furuta picking up on and deciding to exploit. 

That, long as it is is all of my possible speculation on why Ui of all people was chosen and given such special prominence by Furuta. I hope you had time to read this! Thanks for sending in such a good question!

[not-bcring]

cherrystemsins​:

Miu likes Kokichi. She would even say he’s her best friend. Of course, she would also say he’s the most annoying person alive, and sometimes she just cannot stand him, but all of that is just another facet of their friendship.

She has to force herself to cling to that knowledge as she manages to refrain from pointing out that Kiibo, wonderful as they are, wouldn’t even have a dick to suck if it weren’t for her, and that she’s been dating them longer than Kokichi, and that she’s the one who does literally all their maintenance. Kiibo needs her at least as much as they need Kokichi, so he can suck it. Or, wait, that was the plan anyway, wasn’t it?

It’s the second beat that catches her off guard.

Interesting? Miu Iruma, the girl who’s been told her whole life that she should learn to shut up and put out, is actually interesting to him? Of course, Kokichi is a notorious liar, and it’s entirely possible that even if this is the truth, he doesn’t find her interesting as much as he likes to laugh at her fuck ups.

But Miu doesn’t want to believe that. Miu wants to believe that she’s finally done it. She’s made a friend who likes her for her personality, even if it kinda sucks, and even if it’s not always useful to him.

Keep Reading

「 ☆ 」   That’s better.

It’s far more comfortable to have Miu good-naturedly insulting him. Giving him shit in a way that allows Kokichi to stretch his silver tongue by snapping back, without it escalating into a genuinely ugly or dangerous situation. It might not seem like there’s a difference to outside observers, but there’s a stark contrast in tone between calling Miu out for being a bitch and sincerely thinking someone needs to be labeled as such. A sense of comridery and comfort when in the inventor’s company, instead of the tension— enjoyable as that adrenaline rush can be —and anticipation of repercussions when pushing the wrong person’s buttons. Not that it ever stopped Kokichi before.

The wrong people always have the most fun buttons.

❝ It’s a defense mechanism, as well as a fashion statement! ❞ Kokichi huffs, laughter flooding his words tarnishing the bite they were meant to have. Squirming in Miu’s hold like an unruly cat, hands feebly try to ‘push’ her away, but the efforts are as half-assed as his faux rebuttal, ❝ People can’t kick my ass if they’re too dizzy to figure out where it is! ❞ Hair thoroughly messed up even more than usual, Kokichi shakes his head and only adds to the chaos, ❝ Please, you WISH you could fuck me~ ❞

No Miu doesn’t. Just like how Kokichi doesn’t wish he was attracted to her. It would ruin the relationship they’ve struck, carnal desires and messy emotions complicating what Kokichi thinks has to be the healthiest thing he’s found. Even compared to what he has with Kiibo. Nothing against the robot, of course. Whatever problems lie within their bond are Kokichi’s fault. But with Miu, he can screw up. He can be a bit… freer with his bitchiness. It’s odd to think that he’s not as scared to lose Miu as he is Kiibo, since he’s certain it would devastate him if the inventor decided he wasn’t worth her time. Not that he’ll admit that.

Maybe it’s a trust thing… Easier to trust that someone might want to be his friend, more than it is to believe that someone could love him the way Kiibo claims to. He’s pretty fun as a friend. Good to cause trouble with, good for a laugh and a bit of revenge if need be. He’s USEFUL as a friend. But as a boyfriend? Kokichi knows his flaws greatly outweigh whatever it is Kiibo thinks they see in him. Flaws he doesn’t even try to fix, as far as he can tell. How much longer until—

❝ You have such a way with words~ ❞ Kokichi chimes, cutting off his own thoughts. Squishing his fears into a neat little box, it sinks in his stomach like a stone, but he can handle that. A master at multitasking, especially within his own mind, Miu’s words managed to cut through his pessimistic ponderings. Settling within him in a bittersweet mixture, Kokichi able to relate far more than he’d like. For Miu’s sake. ❝ Seriously though— ❞ Expression slipping into something neutral, he studies his nails and calmly admits, ❝ —I don’t consider someone a friend unless I think they’re worth it. So far? No one has been. ❞

❝ … Except you. ❞ Hands clasped behind his back, Kokichi keeps his gaze averted, spine straight and mouth set in an unreadable line— tightening ever-so-slightly —as if he were under enemy scrutiny instead of stating that he cares about someone. Which, frankly, feels like the same thing. A beat passes, Kokichi letting it settle in the air, allowing his nerves a chance to settle as well, before he exhales a whoosh of air. Like a balloon deflating, his serious demeanor sputters away, Kokichi resting his arms behind his head and plastering a familiar grin on his face. Overly-big and beaming, he blurts out, ❝ Mainly because you’re stupid enough to put up with my ass without the perk of getting to pound it! ❞

Fuck. Snickering as if he’s not surprised by his own statement, Kokichi leisurely circles a wrist, other hand resting on his hip as he seamlessly rolls with the topic, ❝ You think straight men suck? Well gay guys aren’t any better. Trust me, I’m kinda the expert on them. ❞ Scoffing, he crosses his arms and quirks an unamused brow, ❝ Most won’t even TRY to ‘tell my face from my ass’— ❞ Paraphrasing her playful insult to show he was paying attention, he casually glances at her to gauge her interest, ❝ —since they both get the job done. ‘Course, there’s one they prefer over the other. ❞

Smirking, he rolls his eyes with an ‘amused’ huff of breath, ❝ I’d let you guess but you’ve heard my melodious voice enough, I’m pretty sure we’re on the same page. ❞ Grip on his crossed arms tightens without his knowledge, Kokichi feeling a tingle in the back of his neck at the subject. It’s like his nerves are on fire. Like his entire body is on alert, waiting for something that Kokichi can’t discern. Outwardly, he remains calm… Perhaps his breathing is a bit steadier, as if he’s keeping track of it. His smirk a bit more rehearsed. But it doesn’t come close to betraying the feeling of being a fly caught in a spider’s web that steadily crawls over him.

There’s not even a spider around. And he’s not a fly. Hasn’t been for a while… Won’t be ever again.

❝ ‘Course, THEY never got to call the shots. So it’s not like it matters anyway~ ❞ Kokichi brags, voice more boisterous than before. Words more articulated, making sure Miu understands them. Without a SHRED of doubt. It doesn’t matter. None of the past matters, as far as anyone needs to know. Kokichi isn’t afraid wary of things that aren’t there. He was never afraid of things that were there either. Because he’s an Ultimate Supreme Leader.

And Supreme Leaders are always in control. 「 ☆ 」

[cutemonstercare]

Do Tarantulas Need Water? How To Hydrate Your T Correctly

If you’ve done research about setting up the perfect enclosure for your new tarantula, you’ll know that the topic of a T’s water needs is a hotly debated one. As with much in life, there’s not really a consensus; you have to gather information yourself and make up your own mind.

Do tarantulas need water? Yes, tarantulas, like other living things, need water to survive. Some desert species can go their entire lives without actually drinking water from a dish, but rather get their moisture from their food. However, most pet tarantulas will need a dish with fresh water in their enclosures.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably had a few mini heart attacks when you spot an uninvited guest in your sink or bathtub – even though I own tarantulas!

Spiders will make a quick pitstop in areas that contain water because they need it for their survival. Actually, some tarantulas can go for two years without food as long as there is water available!

That being said, a lot of hobbyists believe that it is not necessary for you to place a water dish in tarantula enclosures. Below is some important information that will help you decide if you want to give your T access to water 24/7 or not.

Tarantula Water Requirements

Most tarantulas get all the water they need from their food, but in some cases, food alone is not sufficient. It actually largely varies from tarantula to tarantula and factors like size, environment, and the T’s age play a role in how much water they need.

An example of the role the T’s environment plays in its water needs is the absence of a burrow for it to hide in. Without natural protection, tarantulas lose the water it receives from food sources faster, and without another source of hydration, your T won’t be feeling too good.

As mentioned, tarantulas can go for days or even weeks without food; the pre-molt stage is a good example of this. On the other hand, just a few days without water can lead to death, so it is crucial that they have a constant supply of water.

In the wild, spiders will drink from any water sources such as droplets on leaves, puddles in the mud, or the dew that condensed on their webs. Here is a video of how a Desert Blonde drinks water out of a plastic container.

Does My Tarantula Need A Water Bowl?

This question is like pressing a hot poker into a hornets’ nest. There are many hobbyists that don’t provide their Ts with water bowls, but there are also numerous people who strongly believe that tarantulas need water bowls in their enclosures. So, who is right?

Well, I believe the benefits of water bowls are too important to ignore; and the dangers without them too glaring.

Yes, not all tarantulas living without a water bowl will die. Ts are hardy creatures, and they’ve survived millions of years in changing and hostile environments. BUT! I, for one, am not willing to take the chance.

It is this exact fact – the many seasoned hobbyists don’t give their Ts water dishes – that keeps this subject on the fence without a definite answer.

These hobbyists opt to spray their tarantulas’ enclosures and rely on prey as a moisture delivery system – and their Ts don’t die. But, here’s another but, are these hobbyists trying to provide their captive Ts with natural conditions or conditions closest to ideal?

Tarantulas have evolved to navigate harsh temperatures, drought, flooding and have survived numerous predators. But this does not mean they wouldn’t benefit from having access to water 24/7, does it?

If, as a keeper, you are trying to keep the Ts enclosure 100% authentic – and possibly cruel – you may decide to skip the water bowl.

Giving a T the most comfortable setup possible is more my style. They’re not out in the wild, after all, so they don’t need to be subjected to unnecessarily harsh conditions.

So, although we can say water dishes aren’t 100% necessary in a scientific sense, they do provide other benefits, including making your T’s life a little easier.

And…

It helps to increase the humidity in your tarantula’s enclosure more than misting can. This helps keep your T hydrated and prevents your T from going through a bad molt and getting stuck.

Tarantulas, Water, Water Bowls, And Myths

We’ll look at hydration more a little later, first, let’s play myth-buster and debunk some falsehoods!

1. Water bowls are dangerous for spiderlings

Slings (baby spiders) are tiny, as you can imagine, and some argue that leaving slings in an enclosure with a water bowl is equivalent to leaving a baby alone in a bathtub.

Even though you may think that true, spiderlings are covered in water-repelling hairs. That, combined with their small bodies, mean they are too small and light to break the surface tension of the water.

So, although there is a tiny risk of danger, the benefits of a water bowl outweigh the danger. Slings are fragile and prone to dehydration, and that is why it is vital to do everything in your power to provide the baby tarantula with enough moisture.

2. Tarantulas have no water bowls in nature

Really? Nature is one big water bowl! Raindrops and dew gather in anything with depth, and what about streams and lakes?

In nature, there is a never-ending supply of water sources, so should you decide to skip adding a water bowl to a tarantula’s enclosure, you’re actually providing it with less water than it would have out in the wild.

3. Tarantulas don’t use water bowls

If you do a quick Internet search, you will find numerous videos and photos capturing tarantulas using water bowls. We linked to a video earlier in the article, but in case you’re still not convinced, here is some more proof to debunk this myth.

Also, even if you don’t actually see your T drink from the bowl directly, the fact that it is there at all has a lot of benefits. As we touched on earlier, water bowls contribute a lot to the overall humidity of the enclosure.

4. Tarantulas disrespect their water bowls

Some Ts dirty their water bowls within a day. Instead of seeing it as a source of hydration, they may instead use it as a bath – tarantulas are neat creatures after all.

To some, the fact that they have to clean their T’s water bowl almost daily is very frustrating, and they may swear off using water bowls altogether.

Without sounding to disapproving, maybe you should not get a pet tarantula if you’re not willing to look after it correctly. Water is a basic need, and if you don’t even want to supply your T with that, how are you going to do all the other things that form part of good animal husbandry?

Keeping a pet’s living space clean and comfortable is part of being a responsible owner, even if it comes across as if your efforts are for nothing.

Now that we’ve had a look at tarantula water bowl myths, let’s look at some important things to keep in mind about your tarantula’s water needs.

The dish should not be too deep.

The water dish should be large enough for the T to submerge its Chelicera and fangs.

Provide fresh water daily.

Avoid using sponge, paper towels, cotton or cricket gel. It can harbor harmful bacteria, gets dirty and does not provide adequate moisture.

Lightly mist substrate and sides of the enclosure if you live in a very dry climate.

Arboreal species prefer to drink from the walls so spray the sides when it is dry.

Warning: When it comes to misting, make sure not to create overly damp conditions. Tarantula lungs cannot handle too much moisture, and it can lead to death. Also, never spray directly on your T.

How Do Tarantulas Drink Water

Tarantulas actually sip water like other creatures! This isn’t done frequently, but it has been seen by tarantula owners more than once. Other than leaning into the water bowl and drinking, tarantulas also get water into their bodies in other ways.

Firstly, food. Crickets, roaches, mealworms and other insects contain a surprisingly large amount of water – enough to sustain a tarantula until its next meal or even longer! This is one of the main reasons why you won’t often see your tarantula drinking from its water dish.

Secondly, the humidity of their enclosure is also a source of water for tarantulas. Hobbyists say an enclosure with 60%-70% humidity is perfect for tarantulas.

Many tarantulas come from tropical regions, so the correct level of moisture in the air is essential to keep them healthy and hydrated.

Even though tarantulas’ water needs can be met in three ways, it is advisable to not only use method but draw on all the methods to ensure dehydration is not even a possibility.

Tarantulas and Humidity

I think it is important to talk a little bit more about humidity because it is so important to your T’s well-being. Keeping a tarantula in a dry enclosure is much like dropping you off in the desert with only a couple of water bottles.

Oh, and you’re expected to thrive, not just survive. How horrible will that be?

Dehydration in tarantulas can lead to various issues of which the most dreaded is a bad molting where the tarantula gets stuck while shedding its old exoskeleton. This usually leads to death.

Below are three tips to ensure your T’s enclosure has just the right humidity to keep it healthy and happy.

1. Know your species and its humidity requirements.

This is actually not limited to just humidity requirements. Remember, every tarantula comes from a specific area with a specific climate.

While some tarantulas will be more than happy in 60% humidity, others may require a consistent 80% to stay hydrated. So, the first step is to know the species of T you have and its humidity needs.

2. Use the right equipment to monitor humidity

This is not something you can or want to eyeball. Invest in a hygrometer to keep close tabs on the moisture level in your tarantula’s enclosure. The reason why monitoring humidity is important is that you don’t want the enclosure to be too dry – or too wet.

Too much humidity is also not a good thing since tarantulas have book lungs that or not equipped to separate the water from the air they breathe. This means, too much moisture in the air and your tarantula is basically drowning itself with every breath it takes.

3. Keep water bowl full and clean

We’ve already covered the perks of having a water bowl in your T’s enclosure. Humidity is just one benefit of a water bowl, but an essential one.

Top tip: Overflow the water bowl a little to let the water soak into the substrate. This will contribute to the humidity levels.

4. Mist the substrate

This is easy and effective. Be sure to keep the substrate slightly damp so that it keeps the enclosure humid around the clock. That being said, don’t create a swamp; too much water will do more damage than good.

Signs Your Tarantula Is Dehydrated and What To Do

Dehydration is very serious and is actually one of the leading causes of death in tarantulas. By preventing dehydration, you will remove many of the associated problems your T may run into. If you follow the steps above, your tarantula won’t ever be dehydrated.

But, we all know life happens, and something may prevent you from providing your T with enough water for a while. Should this happen, you need to know how to spot the signs that your tarantula is dehydrated, as well as know what to do to try and save your T.

Symptoms of a dehydrated tarantula are:

Lethargy and acting slow

The abdomen appears small and shriveled

Found in a semi-death curl position

If you see your tarantula display any of the above, it is time to act. Luckily, curing dehydration is easy if caught early. The first thing you want to do is create a makeshift ICU for your dehydrated tarantula.

Do this:

Get a container big enough to house your tarantula and a water dish but small enough to limit excessive movement.

Pierce some ventilation holes into the container.

Wet some paper towels and line the bottom and sides of the container.

Next, you can do two things; you can either take your tarantula and place it directly in the ICU, or you can take things a step further and feed your T water.

I know this is not something everyone will want or be able to do, but if you’re brave enough or desperate enough, anything is doable.

Gently pick your tarantula up and slowly flip them onto their back. Then you want to take an eyedropper that is filled with water and drop a tiny amount of water onto the mouth of the T. Continue doing this until the tarantula stops drinking from the dropper.

Once done, turn your T back onto its stomach and place them in the ICU. After about 10 hours, your T will most likely have made a full recovery.

Before placing it back in its enclosure, it is important to figure out why your tarantula got dehydrated in the first place and rectify it immediately.

There you have it! Yes, tarantulas need water. This water can come from many sources: water bowls, food, humidity, but is important to keep your T hydrated and healthy.