#but theres a reason im pointing them out i promise lmao

[doyouevenshipbr0]

borderline illiterate gruvia think piece.

happy gruvia day i guess!

so like…… im a grown woman. so believe me when i say at this point i rly couldnt care to be genuinely bothered by antis. like i will literally just block them lmao. ok yes i did write a whole fic revolving around a comment by an anti KFHDKSJWJEDK but i rly wasnt mad i was just genuinely inspired by what they said.

ANYWAYS! nonsensical 294820381002 word rant incoming from the “unbothered” grown woman.

seeing people say how gray is out of character in 100 yq/has stockholm syndrome are literally missing the entireeeee point of his and juvia’s relationship and its crazy!!

*side note, i think for the sake of helping gray’s character and development, they sacrificed a lot of cool things about juvia and a lot of her individuality which i do not like. but thats a rant for another time. btw do notttt even come for me bc she is literally still by far my fav character lmao*

im probably gonna go on for too long about this but gray’s whole fucking character throughout the whole story from beginning to end is centered around the fact that hes cold and closed off and grumpy and “too cool” and listen im not saying this is fucking rocket science or any type of transcendent literature by any means but i HAVE to point out that hes a fucking ice wizard. like. duh. im sure his character/personality was meant to go along with abilities i mean look at literally EVERYONE else in fairy tail.

ANYWAYS the reason he is this way is because he’s so used to losing all of the people he loves and even worse, hes used to so many people sacrificing themselves for him.

and it traumatizes him!! so many people hes been close to have died and he ultimately always thinks its his fault! lord knows im rusty with ft knowledge but his parents died (cant remember if it was in any type of sacrificial way teehee), Ur sacrifices herself for gray, ultear sacrifices herself for gray, and his dad dies AGAIN (once again, not sure if this was in a sacrificial manner lmao. i kindaaa think it was? maybe? shrug.). but POINT IS! theres a common theme of loved ones dying and/or sacrificing themselves for him. there might even be more people lmao idfk.

so what happens when he meets a girl who has an overwhelming and unwavering and infinite love for him?! he is freaked the fuck out!!! for a couple reasons! 1. he is so used to losing the people that love him and 2. he doesn’t even think hes deserving of any love to this degree!

then what happens? he PUSHES HER AWAY! KEEPS HER AT A DISTANCE!!!! because THATS ALL HE KNOWS!!!!!!!!! yes he has his friends who love him but no one has ever loved him in the way and abundance that JUVIA DOES! so he has to react appropriately! lots of love = lots of keeping her at an arms length!

so when he thinks he loses juvia in their fight with invel, and she comes back, dont we think it would make sense that he finally realizes he should accept his feelings for her? i mean remember when he said he promised her an answer AFTER the war? once again, like gray, pushing things off. and then he almost LOSES HER without ever telling her how he feels! so gray realizes life is short! theres no use in trying to deny ur feelings! these are common themes in like 85% of my gruvia drabbles lmao.

im not even saying that it was love at first sight for him and that gray liked her from the jump. bc i dont think thats true. i think we can finally see outward romantic feelings for juvia right after the tartaros arc, when juvia visits gray at his parents’ grave. but before that, i think juvia was a friend (wellll i feel like after the tenrou island arc he liked her more than a friend, but he didnt really realize how much more) who he cared about, and truly didnt know what to make of her because like i said, hes never known a person to love him so much and actually not die LMAO.

but my point is, juvia is the perfect person to be gray’s romantic partner. she is a person so full of love and so happy to love and she doesnt care who knows it. she is unequivocally herself and she wears her heart on her sleeve to the upmost extent.

it literally only makes sense for his character to end up with her!

u could argue gray doesnt need to end up with anyone at all bc he has his friendsssss and likeeee. sureee. fine. but what fun is that? i personally want to see the scared-of-love grump to find his person. i think, again, thats kind of the point of gray’s character- learning u are worthy of love, accepting love, and learning to love openly.

im sorry but literally what better happy ending for him than to be with juvia?

so fast forward to 100 yq, where he is just sooooo out of character apparently. dont we think that may actually be…. character development?

the boy who probably couldn’t even fathom a romantic relationship is now finally accepting he’s in love. he’s done pushing it off, he’s done denying, he’s done depriving himself of feeling love. thats a step in the right direction! now what? in true gray fashion, he thinks hes still not good enough! and that’s where we are now. he’s not confident, he thinks he’s weak, and he thinks he cant protect her. why? he knows she loves him. he knows he’s objectively a strong wizard. so why does he feel inadequate? CIRCLE BACK!!! TO WHO GRAY IS AS A PERSON!!!! SINCE DAY ONE!!! constantly in fear of losing his loved ones! thinking he can’t protect them! SCARED TO LOVE!

like im sorry the proof is soooo in the pudding and i totally understand if gruvia isn’t ur cup of tea but to say things arent making sense is silly to me! they actually make perfect sense!

and yknow what. im gonna go from a romantic standpoint to a realist standpoint. years ago, mashima said he likes gray and juvias dynamic and didnt have anything serious in mind for them anytime soon. so he kept that going for literally the entire series. well. he ended fairy tail alluding to the fact that gray and juvia were kinda together at that point. or he at least ended it with the pretty obvious conclusion that gray does in fact have feelings for juvia. so then when ft 100 yq starts what was he supposed to do? act like all of their development in the last arc never happened? that would be kinda hard to do!

whatever i just hope at least like 3 of these sentences were coherent lmao u guys get my point

[akascow]

Venom The Last Dance spoilers ahead

i feel like the writers for the first 90% of the movie were all taken to a back alley and shot in the leg by different writers who then finished the last 10% of the movie

this is a post post edit so before we start i think i need to rewatch it actually pls dont correct me on anything bc i'll cry but i realize im definitely misremembering things as i finish writing this HAHA n e way these were my initial thoughts

bc how can we go from ‘but i need him’ and ‘i wish we couldve had this life together’ to venom dying (allegedly) and eddie brock strutting down the street smiling with happy music playing. dude ur bf died HAHA

bro watched his best friend in the whole world sacrifice himself for the two of them and die right in front of him and now hes acting like his life is so much better ? mhm where was that energy during the rest of the movie lol

‘im with you to the end’ liar 🙄

anyway venom definitely isnt dead (for franchise reasons but also) bc the little throw away line at the beginning that Mr Agent says about them liking to stick around or spread or whatever i dont remember it stuck out to me like a neon sign like HEY REMEMBER THIS ! IT WILL BE IMPORTANT !!! lol.

cuz theres no way that acid killed all of him… kinda like deadpool regenerating back to life from a singular drop of blood in the comics (i think? im pretty sure that happened)

anyway if we dont get a 4th movie with a symbrock wedding or at least them actually acknowledging the gay elephant in the room of how deeply overtoned this trilogy is with the homoseggsualitys then whats even the point

but yanno its whatever really, i like venom and i like eddie and i like the trilogy so im not really that mad about it

i think its pretty good for what it is aka a goofy movie that has goofy characters that sometimes also say and do questionabley gay things (affectionate)

and if u ignore the comics or venom predecessors its actually super fun imo. i mean not every superhero movie needs to be super serious or nonsatirical,,

just turn off ur brain for a couple hours youll be fine i promise HAHA i think a lot of ppl tend to forget that; like it doesnt take itself seriously so you shouldnt either lmao but what do i know

[nojean42]

BTS - You Never Walk Alone

happy new year and welcome to the first of all firsts! my middle school best friend introduced me to bts and that spiraled into getting hooked on kpop overall. but before branching out to explore other groups, i was invested in following bts, and this album is where it all began.

in future posts when discussing repackage albums, i will only cover new songs, but since this is my first one, i'll make it special and discuss every song on it.

I didn't make a spotify account until after I got a smartphone for christmas in 2018, so honestly i have no idea how i listened to these albums back then,, i remember making a playlist of those color coded lyric videos that i would listen to on my ipad mini, so maybe i was just being hopeful there was one of those for every song on the album and that i was listening to them in order.

anyway lets get on with my thoughts on each song from the album! there will probably be a lot of anecdotes about times i listened to them well after the release, which is a nice thing im able to do by posting this way :)

Intro: Boy Meets Evil i don't remember what solidified hobi as my bias, but i wouldn't be surprised if this song was part of the reason. great intro to the album and he slays the dance so much!!

Blood Sweat & Tears ough such a good song omg!! theres something so special and intriguing to me about mvs themed around art, just feels so elite and fancy,, i hope they do something like this again when they're back from hiatus <3 i remember yoonmin stans going crazy over that one scene in the video lmao, glad the insane shipping phenomenon has kinda died down tho (or i just became oblivious to it lol). ngl the ending where jins face started cracking freaked me out a little back in the day. but fr that bridge is transcendant omg

Begin tbh i dont have much to say about this one, jungkook is great at singing :)

Lie everyone and their mothers were obsessed with this song,, that one dance performance with the blindfold was so iconic!! love jimin <3

Stigma i just remembered there was insane lore going on that i really couldn't follow at all lmao. this one was about an abusive parent iirc? really vibey emotional song tho

First Love i remember my undiagnosed autistic ass reading a post about how emotional this song was and hiding in a dark closet to listen to this song and force myself to feel something. i get it fr now but back then i didnt understand my brain and was taking it too literally lol. yoongi put so much heart into this song and its beautiful

Reflection dang why are so many of the solos so deep and emotional :,) i wonder if "I wish I could love myself" is part of what nudged them towards making the love yourself albums

MAMA more hobi time lets goooo! vibey :)

Awake every time i hear this song i remember the time yoongi did a cover of it and that makes it very hard to take it seriously 😭 jin is such a lovely singer

Lost love this song so much!! its so underrated, i never hear anyone talking about it :(

BTS Cypher 4 iirc they promised taehyung he could be in cypher 5 and then just never did another cypher lmao 😭 anyway might be my favorite cypher but that also could be bias from listening to this album more often than the previous ones. wait i just realized they're singing "i love myself" right after namjoon was saying "i wish i could love myself,," accelerated character development ig

Am I Wrong this and 21st century girl were the first 2 bts songs i listened to (i forget the order i heard them in) my friend recommended them because theres a lot of english in them so it'd be a good entry point, so i have a special attachment to them :3

21st Century Girl ditto to the previous song comment lol

2! 3! fan song <3 also i should note i have been sining along to pretty much song on the album as i've been relistening to write this :)

Spring Day THE QUEEN!!!!!!! i am so mad the stage line distribution isn't the official one cuz hobi sounds amazing singing the intro in it 😭 at least he gets the pretty background harmonies in the choruses <3 i remember still getting jungkook and taehyung mixed up in the mv smh my head. very recent anecdote about this song: (TW: BUGS!!) it came on as i was getting out of the shower and i was passionately singing along and suddenly saw a centipede and FREAKED OUT. i literally went like: “눈꽃이 떨어져요 또 조금씩 멀어져요~ WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?” quickly googled and found it was harmless but it still startled me lmao 😭

Not Today HYPE!!! man idk what else to say really, its such a good fun song

Outro: Wings WAHOOOOOOOO this was like my favorite hype song of all time!! I used to have a silly video of me dancing to it but unfortunately i think it's lost to the void 😔 i never really listen to the interlude version cuz i miss the extended parts too much. i would listen to this on loop so much and could pretty much sing the whole thing. nowadays i don't go crazy bonkers obsessed over it anymore but i still really enjoy it and never got tired of it :)

A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone nice vibes to close off the album :3

Hope you enjoyed my first post and expect more to come! the next few will be more bts but i will branch out to other groups soon :)

once again happy new year and hope your 2025 is off to a good start!

[treemintart]

If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear some of your head canons for Zanzo and Chai and how’d they be together. I really love the art you make of those two, some good fucking food lol 👌

holy crap thank you! i was a bit worried i was spamming them LOL i dont mind talking about them at all! apologies in advance if its not worded the best/a bit scattered!

honestly a lot of it is "theres potential here, i like their chemistry", but theyre also both big dorks in their own right

im gonna ramble below of some ideas/headcanons i have for them:

kinda barebones atm but one is an AU/canon divergence with zanzo's whole fight after he gets defunded (we shouldve had a proper boss fight), which is basically "what if they convinced him to help fight against kale" (since he doesnt seem to really hold an attachment to spectra or the company? just does whatever he wants; chaotic neutral) and with that was the promise of studying chai, since he wanted to learn more about his enhancements and cause hes got nothing else to lose at that point he agrees (basically no one is happy about this but its better than nothing). hed also be interested in 808's and her connection to chai

this version of him is what im calling the Defunded! version (hair down/wires tied back; ngl it started off cause i thought it looked cool and i suck at drawing mohawks LMAO)

chai seems to be genuinely impressed with technology (ex: ar labs), and since zanzo likes being the smartest person in the room, he creates things to show off. i like to think that he would eventually make an attempt at creating upgrades for his arm, to push chai and his potential to the limit

zanzo also holds some respect for chai, as hes the only boss to not refer to him as a defect. examining chai would also help himself be able to build stronger robots, and to give him inspiration for new ones since chai is unique in how he functions. he tests them on chai and claims its "training" for him.

if given the chance i think the two would have some pretty good banter, they both seem to humor eachother without the other getting frustrated. they also both have brat energy and would definitely sass eachother on the most mundane things

i also love the whole "one person is interested in another one for 'buisness' reasons, ends up getting attached" trope which i feel fits these two pretty well. zanzo doesnt like people messing with his experiments/test subjects and would see chai as his and be very possessive

chais core changes rhythm depending on his emotional state, which zanzo then experiments to find out what causes the bpm change, much to chais embarrassment

definitely would take them awhile to realize "hey i kinda like them more than i should" and with that comes panic and denial. slowburn status

chai gets flustered easily, and is horrible at hiding it. zanzo i see him not being completely aware that his actions can come off flirty, but when hes by himself and/or realizes he overthinks and becomes a mess. they are both disasters.

chai seems to have a lot of self worth issues, which i think zanzo also shares to some degree? chai acts like he knows what hes doing when he really doesnt and is more insecure; and zanzo seems to want people to actually take him seriously and acts smarter than he really is. they both hide behind an outgoing persona. would they ever let their guard down and show that side of them? who knows :]

chai likes watching zanzo work on his robots, not understanding anything hes being told but liking the passion the other has for his work. chai would also mess with him given the chance, nothing actually damaging though.

since chai never got that gift basket, maybe zanzo would make him one as a confession

and thats all i can think of off the top of my head, i hope you like them!

[hongism]

Hey bestie heeeeeey~

I'm officially caught up with MOC so now I can tell you my feelings~

So, first of all, how dare you? There's no reason for the emotional whiplash I experienced reading this monstrosity (positive with all the love and respect in the world i promise) yet here i am... a further damaged woman lmfao

But forreal though, you have a great ability to pull emotions out of your readers and thats just amazing in my eyes, especially as a fellow writer myself :') theres nothing I love more than making the ppl who read my own fics suffer emotionally so congrats to you!

I love how you write everyone in the story, they are so incredibly flawed and fucked up and human that it just makes me shed a tear. Thats why MC frustrates the HELL out of me, even though I adore her. Her flaws make my ass itch but all i want for her is to heal and be happy in the end (same with the others! I be wanting to punch the shit outta them sometimes 😭)

ESPECIALLY Hongjoong cause my guy is just unhinged but i love his character the most honestly because unhinged is hot to me. Im still kicking my feet and twirling my hair lmao

The relationships are so real and just... messy. Messy messy in the best way. But i just have to cheer them all on.

That chapter when mc and yeosang banged I was quite literally going bonkers like HELLO?????????????? I didnt expect that but now i want more of it cause their dynamic (especially when it comes to wooyoung) is so juicy

MC is such a tragic character and I feel for her the most. I love how we started off thinking Jisung was this great person but turns out that hes a fucking lunatic. You, Caly literally manipulated us into thinking so, like how Jisung manipulated MC and idk if that was intentional or not but it was brilliant. And Hyunwoo turning out to be like *that* was a punch in the gut. MC being betrayed by the ppl she cared for so much makes her question everything on the crew, especially Hongjoong and that's why I cant be too frustrated with her lol

I dont want this ask to be so long cause i can go in about every little detail 😭 but youve dont such an amazing job. The world building is beautiful, and i dont rly read a lot of scifi like fictions set in space, but when i first got into ateez the first thing i thought of were pirates / space pirates and i even started my own fic with that premise bc i cant help myself but be self indulgent trash so 🤷🏼‍♀️ but thats beside the point

I cant wait to read more of this masterpiece and see how things go. I want everyone to be happy cause you are putting them through the fucking ringer 😭😭😭 please go easy on them I cant take more of this 😭😭😭😭

hehe emotional whiplash is my specialty!!! i too am very much damaged after writing moc. and the damage will continue. for the good of the plot!!!

i'm so touched you think so, i really love evoking emotion out of the reader in my works and i'm glad that im effective in doing so <3 one of my goals from the start of writing moc was to create an mc who isn't always likable or enjoyable to read bc i find those sorts of stories unrealistic and sometimes boring, because even tho the setting is very much not real, having characters who do feel real has always been huge to me! i love creating characters who have peaks and valleys, who grow and stumble along the way, and to really show a journey of growth!! hongjoong is just. pure insanity at its finest LOL he's gonna take a lot to fix but we'll see!

i honestly had way too much fun writing that chapter too, i love love looooooove a good hatefuck and it was just too tempting to NOT do >.<

it was fully intentional to sort of bring the readers in on the manipulation yes hehe! i like playing my cards very close to my chest and not giving anything away until the absolute last second i can!!! i think you hit on something lots of people who want her to just give into hongjoong forget - she's experienced so much betrayal from the people she trusted most and that does really stick in the brain and cause lasting trauma, and our poor mc is deeply traumatized by many things that have happened to her! it only makes sense for her to be retaliating and distrustful of those around her in these circumstances!!

thank you so much for enjoying everything so far and for all the lovely compliments they really mean so much to me i cherish them a lot 🥹🥹❤️❤️

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

[lanawinterscigarettes]

hi aeron and sparkly!

one of you asked if we have any british specific holidays, can't remember who it was, but we have bonfire night (sometimes called guy fawkes night)! it's on the 5th november and it's where we light fireworks to celebrate the failed plot of guy fawkes called the gunpowder plot - here's a video, it's a little bit childish as its for kids but i couldnt find a better one https://youtu.be/nMNgFrEdse0?si=2lSmsd_Y7HM3bXEg

(sorry aeron from this point on this ask is gonna have a lot of links)

ufo anon ive got some edits for you

missyclara - https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdjUfoN5/

missy edit 1 - https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdjUDHM8/

missy edit 2 (my fav) - https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdjUQJVu/

omg i love johanna - for some reason jenna has played a very large amount of lgbt characters and also done some very provocative scenes lol, i find it amusing because apparently matt smith told her to not take roles she doesn't find interesting/vibe with after doctor who because she'd have choice anyway some of the very interesting roles or very gay ones are

susan, room at the top - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7w7d40 (55m 25s - 57m 35s) not a fruity role but i got told about this role by a friend and my goodness what on earth (you'll see what i mean if you watch it) that is an actual show that aired on british tv somehow, also https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7w7fco (22m 25s - 24m 52s) firstly its hot, secondly HE MADE HER BLEED HE HURT HER and third oh my gosh her eyes in the sun i love brown eyes sue me

jasmine, emmerdale - theres too many gay clips to show but i've got a little compilation of some of them https://youtu.be/EVYchxJyRkw?si=Gi4ZI7sS7V01YbBP and i promise the quality isn't that bad in the show it's just the clips that are like 144p quality LMAO and her sexuality isn't explicitly stated i don't think although she says 'im gay, i think i always have been' and then dates a boy but people call her sapphic because she definitely likes girls but seems to push away most boys idk... either way FRUITY, and i will never turn down jenna kissing another woman (and also her personality defo crushing on her haha also jasmine is very lowkey about the fact that she likes women like how she hides that she's with debbie or goes to kiss cain just to prove shes not gay etc which i both relate to and also find really sweet...well, except the cheating. this is gonna sound really awful but my type tends to be people who you can't tell, although it's probably because they're girly, but if someone is running around with a pride flag or something i'd be like hmm like its not a diss to very active people just like i prefer someone more lowkey about it whereas some people are naturally very vocal)

clara - you know clara and her jane austen kissing need i say more

treena - although its not mentioned in the movie, treena in the third book comes out as lesbian, and the book had already been released when they were auditioning for the movie so FRUITY

pippa - pippa winton in the audiobook pressures residential is a lesbian afaik it mentions only a previous history of girlfriends either way FRUITY

johanna - my goodness did she go for this role she absolutely snogs the other woman and backs her up against the wall (https://youtu.be/dJf2uGqE0Hs?si=oyIpUOUJwxTGaPvL) like that woman is slightly too good at kissing women, also theres this like warm fuzzy gaze scene when her ex is remembering happy memories and theres a shot of johanna with this warm glow its so gay and johanna sits and kisses her on the head its so fruity (https://youtu.be/mR2FtjY6jqE?si=LRPyNIU7AO6ikkRC 2min onwards)

liv - another character that straight up snogs a woman and not only that do they have a mildly suggestive drunken gay sex scene https://youtu.be/mO8jk5LGTUc?si=ySvKvwhENBLmY_0O

i also found a cute little edit of some of the characters https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdjUvx9f/

anyway enough yapping about that onto the next point thank you for thinking of me btw

omg the blair fic is so amazing you're making me like gopiss girl

it was kinda cute! tbf we both had massive crushes on each other but because we were both girls we never dated, still would do pretty much anything for her even now i don’t know why she has that effect on me even when we never dated 😭 but she did deliberately try to make me blush all the time it was very obvious to my friend group at the time that we were interested in each other we just didn't say anything (we thought it was on the down low, it was not, we were not sleek LMAO)

you'll find your non gender specific royalty aeron! you're such a sweet person i know there will be someone out there who'll love you

idk why everyone makes crumpet land out to be safe like aside from the odd gay bar about 200 miles from anyone anywhere people are always mildly aggressive about it - in some situations i can see why like a parade blocking a road but it's just annoying in the supermarket and stuff, luckily i look straighter than a board so it doesn't affect me that much

hot choccy!! i want that now

im glad you feel better aeron, we love you for who you are

jasmine is gorgeous yes i absolutely agree (as i think you know by my endless yaps about how pretty she is)

omg you know joyride

ANON DESCRIPS yay you didn't forget <3

i know - it's good, right?! ugh i loved it so much literally when it came out was like wow didn’t know writing could do that to a person, i love missy/river/clara/reader stuff i love the dynamics especially that bit where river is pleasing clara and clara is so flustered that shes being watched that she finishes, or like the bit where missy teases clara about being bratty during their time together (im a missyclara truther and no one can tell me otherwise)

aeron i love how you ask us questions like how you did to sparkle so you can make everyone comfortable and make the fics how people can most get absorbed in them you're such a sweetie

ah as bad as this sounds i don’t want to be - i just wish i could get rid of it all, and that's without my problem with the word queer - i don’t have anything against anyone who uses it i don't mean it like that but as in idk it's interesting to me how every researcher and academic says theres almost a very clear divide on how gen x and older describe themselves as a collective as lgbt people whereas younger people e.g. millenials and gen z describe themselves as queer people like i prefer lgbt if i was to describe myself as anything and yeah, very interesting at the age split. idk this sounds so miserable for an ask but i'd do anything to make it disappear, the thought of being out in public with people knowing, it's idk almost crippling to me but hey im not alone because at least jasmine reacted the same when debbie outed her, the dread on her face is almost like looking in a mirror, i don't want to be regular queer nevermind extremely queer i just want to be 'normal' (not against any of you guys im talking about how i view myself) at least i wouldn't have to lie or my friends and family wouldn't hate me then

but thank you sparkle for your hopes, and i hope you and aeron feel comfortable with yourselves and live our your dreams in spirit of those of us who can't <3

i know this is so miserable but like, you guys are the only ones i can talk about this with because if i talked about it with my friends i'd have to come out at least here i can hide behind being star anon

sending you both lots of love and thank you for listening to me i hope this isn't too distressing or anything <3

- ⭐

first off lemme just say I'm sorry for such a late response star anon I really didn't mean to make you wait for so long my apologies for that 💔

I've honestly never heard of that before but then again I am american so 🤷 they barely teach us about our own history over here so they're definitely not going to teach us about the history of other countries lmao

the edits won't load for me right now unfortunately but they're with missy so I know they'd be amazing 💕 I'll have to check them later when my internet is better

okay but your knowledge of so many different jenna coleman characters is quite impressive, I can tell that she's your favorite (of course I already knew that but still)

again I can't watch the edit right now because my service currently SUCKS 😭 but I'll be sure to let you know once I do <3

of course! as soon as I saw that edit IMMEDIATELY I was like oh star anon would absolutely love this, I have to save it

thank you so much!! 🥰 (idk which blair fic you're referring to because by this point I've written and posted so many but thank you regardless hehe)

aw that sounds so sweet, I hope I can have something similar to that one day. and you're so sweet for saying that tysm 🥺

yeah I think people like to fantasize about leaving the us for crumpet land or maple land (canada lmao) but the truth is they've also got their own issues and stuff that people either don't know about or purposely ignore

my mom is OBESSED with hot chocolate (she doesn't like coffee or hot tea, or sweet tea either. she just dislikes tea in general lmao) so that's what she pulls out whenever it gets cold

aww thank you, I think I speak for sparkle when I saw we also love you for who you are <3

sooo gorgeous aaahhh

I LOVE joyride! I love kesha in general tbh she's one of my favorite singers <3

I actually posted them recently! I'm not sure if you've already seen them but you can find them here if not

Honestly I had so much fun writing it so I'm glad to hear you still enjoy it hehe 🥰

of course!! I always want to make sure I can write my fics how people envision them so it's easier for them to enjoy reading them 💞 (and you're so sweet for saying that omg 🥺)

I completely understand what you mean there, star anon. I know what it feels like the struggle with who you are and I can only hope that one day you're able to be in an environment where you can embrace it fully rather than feeling ashamed or as though you have to hide ❤

I hope at some point I can get my name legally changed to my preferred name (which is aeron haha) but until then I always have the lovely anons of tumblrverse to make me feel happy and welcome

it's not miserable, I'm just glad you feel comfortable sharing this kind of stuff with people at all. there's no shame in needing a little privacy in order to do it 🫶

I'm sending lots of love back!! both me and sparkle are always delighted to hear from you (I'm tagging them so they'll see this btw @sparklingbutterflies) <3

[the-kipsabian]

🥺 🎢 ✨ ⛔ ❌ 🎃 🎯 👀 🧠 (orange cassidy :3c) 📚

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels? answered here ~

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride? i dooooont? really think i have one that would count in this? im leaning towards immortal fears but its not that obvious yet, but thats probably one with the twists and turns its promised to have so. that one lol

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉 im allowed to answer this one again, right lol? i like my characters with distinguished voices and i think i give them to them. and i think im good at it so

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped? oh so many.. somehow most of them include chris lmao. the reunion fic with him and kip. so many with him and drew. the caring taking one after chris popped his shoulder. the blindfold fic. so so many

❌ What's a trope you will never write? answered here ~

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic? i dont think i have any up tbh lol, but ive always been very fond of christmas themed fics. i'd love to say halloween, but due to cultural differences thats never been a staple for me. even christmas is difficult cause of the same reasons, so i guess its more about seasonal stuff than holidays for me, really? so in that case yeah fall and winter tropes my beloveds

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which? years ago when everything i did was longform yeah. these days not so much, buuuuut ive had few correct speculations in tags of immortal fears. i'll leave it at that lol (and im always so happy when i see people speculating and guessing things, especially if they grab onto hooks im setting up cause nothing makes me !!!!! more as a writer actually planning my stories than that! so!!)

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! this is probably a copout lol, but i have a three parter hanahaki fic with kip and chuck coming out hopefully soon! i personally really like it so far so i hope it hits more people too, but yeah its gonna be angsty! and sad!! and i love every second of it!!! i hope youre ready :)

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. this is no secret, but agender!oc. hes just so beyond of caring about how he presents himself (he cares a little about how he is perceived tbh but usually he doesnt take it personally, its just how it is) and what he identifies with. hes not a man, not a woman, not in the binary. hes just orange <3

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career? i have.. wanted this for like twenty years lol. unfortunately its incredibly difficult thing to do, even more so in my corner of the world cause our circles are so ridiculously much smaller, that theres. only a handful of veeeery famous names that make a living with writing. which i guess is what always puts me back in my hopes and dreams, but maybe one day. i'd love to at least write and publish something, even if its self published. i have plenty of ideas that i would just need to write tbh, but then theres language barriers and everything so.. its a difficult thing

short answer - yes absofuckinglutely. ive always wanted that, just getting there is really hard for me

fanfic writer asks ~

[p1f1]

as much as i love commentary videos (i can watch those and video essays non stop for hours), theres a genuine sickness in my stomach when theyre reacting to someone whos being sexist or misogynistic.

ramble below the line, but please check out the ending part.

idk what makes me feel this way, the borderline ridiculous stuff that comes out of their mouth or the fact someone can be so stupid that they say this in todays day and age. and i get that for how modern it is some people still agree with these stupid comments and speeches but there will always be at least a handful of people who agree with whatever.

and yes i do feel this way with any type of discrimination, but it sickens me when i hear about how badly some women, as myself, hate being one. its unfair. sure itll always be that way and "life isnt fair" but still, its just crazy. if youre someone who sees a woman whos complaining about hating being a woman (not because they dont feel comfy in their own body ((or want to be a different gender)), but because they hate how theyre being treated. ), and for some reason thinks theyre being ridiculous, please dont interact with me lmao.

its sad how i feel afraid to walk alone at night or be in a car alone. or go on dates, or talk about this to anyone, or go swimming , or go out in general. nobody, i mean nobody, should have to feel afraid to be out in the world, because thats wrong. especially with todays messed up beauty standards. im not exactly skinny, but at least im trying to change myself. it hurts alot when someone points something you hate about yourself and acts like you dont know. its sad how no matter how pretty or skinny you are youll never be good enough. i hate it. people arent perfect. nobody is. nobody ever will be because thats how humans are.

i have had encounters with sexists. just as any person would. and when someone makes fun of you or mocks you with the reason youre a woman, it doesnt make you feel smart, and its not easy to not let them get to you. genders, races, and sexualities will never be equal to the public. women will always be under men. gay people will always be hated. non white people will always be treated and seen differently. and in my eyes, everyones equal and always will be but me or you will never be able to change someones mind.

and ngl, i used to say i hated men as a joke, but i dont think its much of a joke anymore. younger me would call me weird for hating being a woman but im so glad i wasnt exposed to how gross the world could be sometimes.

this is a rant, but also a reminder. if you are sexist, misogynistic, racist, transphobic, or just a bigot get off of my blog.

im not the best a wording things so, if you think that i see anyone thats not white or gay differently, i promise you youre wrong. im not racist, homophobic, or any of that. this is just much better than me crying to myself about how much i hate humans sometimes.

.

.

.

also, if youre like me, and think nobodys there for you, or talking about your problems wont help, it will. i had a small talk with a friend and even though it was only a few texts and sentences, i really felt touched. i only talked about my family problems very vaguely. it was a stupid video. 'if you had one wish, what would it be?" i answered something like i wish i could change the way my family sees me and his one word response of "why?" made me so emotional.

friends and friends. people you talk to on a regular basis and people you know want to talk with you are friends, even if you dont think so.

my DM's are always open. even if this only reaches a few or onyl a few see it, you can always dm me on this acc or my other. hell i might not even know your name but just know that i care about you so deeply. i would never want someone as amazing as you to feel down or angry.

so please, if you think that talking about your problems wont help, try it before you say that. it can change decisions you make in the future that youll regret. again, my dm's are open always if youre struggling. i care.

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[narwhalandchill]

thank u for the addition! but ehhhhhhh im sorry i really dont see this transactional + desperation aspect u speak of personally so agree to disagree more than anything n i have my own view of why his relationships to people are like That

firstly im not rly sure where this widespread idea of childe being someone desperate for other peoples approval seems to be coming from but canon-wise thats... not really the case to me. its never been. he has always been consistently confident and self-assured to the point where lore in things like his boss drops and profile alike make a point of repeatedly emphasizing the extent of his arrogance and ego. this isnt a desperate individual (i wouldnt rly call nor consider him a narcissist but lets say hes Way closer to that than some anxious wreck), so like, that motivation doesnt track for me. he Likes approval and praise and attention yes he loves that shit (attention whore <3) but hes not dependent on it. he knows who he is and what he wants.

secondly. on the specific relationships.

with teucer; i dont really think childes exactly unaware of the unsustainable nature of his lies - idt hes really called attention to it explicitly so far, but the continued theme of promises and taking responsibility for those of them broken in his SQ and how he is generally way more self-aware of the contradictory nature and relationship between all the different sides of himself - despite all being true to who he is obvi - than ppl give him credit for (the self admitted "kind of a bad guy" and things like "even good guys lie and manipulate at times… and bad guys have their own doubts and misgivings", for a few) arent rly. giving me oh hes completely clueless on what hes doing. he calls it defending childhood dreams; i think he knows teucer will grow up eventually; he himself did, after all. now i obviously do think theres that selfish and prideful element to how much he wants to Keep being that perfect big brother but again. i think the motivation has nothing to do with transactions, its just abt having a familial dynamic untainted by The Ajax 14 Incident and trying to preserve the purity of that perception as long as he can despite how shitty it is for teucer and the best way he knows to construct that relationship is through the high effort Perfect Big Brother & Loyal Knight (TM) persona, same way he wears any of his facets as a mask for any particular opera stage that asks for it.

as with his parents, methinks the tension slash possible painful history there goes way too deep for anything in that relationship in particular to be generalized for childes overall social dynamics. i think him sending them things is at most a way of taking care of his family without ruffling feathers at home bc again, the self-awareness thing - id assume childe in his 20s knows he was out of control and in the wrong back then at 14 (altho while not a fan of taking that fanon trauma angle at all for what was behind that ordeal. i also dont rly blame him for being unable to acclimate back to teyvat post 3 months in abyss w 0 support either; even skirk an actual adult avoids the surface bc of that reason aka adjustment difficulties lmao and he was just a teen with no proper outlet before the fatui gave him one), and understands the damage cannot be undone. and because nobody wants to talk and open those wounds, he substitutes for actions instead for amends and olive branches.

the tsaritsa is just. not sth i see at all. again. childes attitude towards the tsaritsa isnt one of a revered deity whose godly approval hes desperate for at all - he respects her for one reason and one reason only and its that shes a fellow warrior. and one who by serving he can continue accessing the stronger enemies and challenges he needs to reach his ambitions. like i do think theres a more transactional element to his loyalty to the fatui in general than most ppl do (like. i can fairly easily see him not backstabbing rly but ditching the fatui if either of those clauses falls; so 1) tsaritsa loses his respect or 2) he overtakes the fatui in power and they no longer provide him a way to pursue his goals. or 3) they mess w his family lmao its so funny when ppl speculate on this not considering how it might backfire on the fatui lol) but thats exactly bc he is Not desperate for a gods approval just for the sake of it. like yes, loyalty and keeping promises is a big thing for childe and he v much takes pride in his duties as a harbinger and practically feeds his overgrown ego an exclusive high calorie diet of good-at-my-job juice. but a man that is explicitly out there to grind the thrones of the divine to dust under his heel is not someone id consider a character thats scared of the tsaritsa tossing him away if hes useless lmaoo like hot take but to me. SHE has more to worry about HIM ditching HER lets just. say that 💀💀

also. the human weapon thing rly gets overblown im sorry. childe puts IMMENSE emphasis on staying alive to see the end of his journey as the most important thing. he talks about it constantly. he is not unaware of the risks he takes and the dangers that come with his path - thats why he makes such a point of the value of life (curiously also sth he shares with skirk; did he get it from her?) irregardless of the outcome of a battle. he knows his life could get him killed and is staunchly committed to Not Doing That. like this is just very clearly established in lore. ppl see him as suicidal or self-destructive and its like nope. he takes risks yes and is both reckless and overconfident at times but theres a very clear line for. what he knows he can and cannot survive and his will to live things through is one of those very pointed characteristics unique to childe that tend to be forgotten in favor of more fanon trope aligned interpretations aka Having A Death Wish or not realizing the risks he takes

(altho editing to add in here that yes could be argued that he lacks a plan for an actual long term future; he has a voiceline abt overthrowing the world and then dueling us to the death implying hes kinda just not considering a life past the point of fulfilling that grand ambition but also. he brings it up himself hes clearly self aware there)

then zhongli; again i think its reading a bit too deep into it, esp since the whole sugar daddy thing as funny as i find the dynamic myself as well is sth fandom has rly made a bigger deal than it arguably ever was in canon lmao. childes a very generous person to begin with and also had an additional ulterior motive for tying the fatuis finances into his "working" (business dinner inappropriate flirting into what-are-we into YOURE WHAT (fucking fight me) etc etc etc chili my dearest) relationship with zhongli as a way to add potential strings to pull with the wangsheng funeral parlor. so like there was already a strategic aspect to that. but also like. i just think hes a filthy rich guy who isnt that invested in the elitism of that position that enjoys the company of a person who tends not to think about the cost aspect of his many hobbies and happens to Somehow be strangely unfazed by ajax' general existence unlike most ppl. so its like. i dont think its that deep. they hang out, zhongli forgor the mora and ajax has more than enough to spare and far too little care not to throw that mora around like its confetti

now. what to me feels like a more prevalent theme in the dynamics you mentioned and that i can 100% agree with is that childe puts a great emphasis on the value of actions. as ways of representing his promises and ties to others as opposed to anything more abstract. you say he needs to be useful to other people to be allowed to be around them, as stated before, i dont really agree with the desperation element there, but i do agree being able to provide acts of service and be competent and helpful is a big aspect of and v important to his character but its just the desperation thats not rly sth i see. its about his own capability to do those things for others that means a lot to him. in terms of pride and ego and how he views himself. thats really the only thing. making and keeping a promise is an action. taking responsibility for breaking it is one too. loyalty is more of a nebulous concept (hence his self-admitted ambivalence towards such things in labyrinth warriors act II that ppl still think isnt canon text bc it goes against popular fanon where hes just Loyal period and not with a abyss shrimp colored asterix lol) but fulfilling his tasks and excelling at what he is asked to do are actions that center him and make his actions as the defining cornerstore of his relationships to others. like that to me is the central theme of all those relationships and its also why with skirk that element is absent: he knows that within the only domain their relationship takes (martial master & disciple) he is by definition the one with jack shit to offer other than following her guidance and trying to improve. she has already defined their relationship as one where this usual dynamic of his actions isnt as central. but bc ofc he would hes also Still trying to impress her thru his actions and it shows in the way hes desperate (like. unironically. THATS desperation for approval to me like childe has Such a Please Notice My Efforts I Worked So Hard on This PLEASE energy towards HER that he rly has for no one else JKWDJKJKWDJKD puppy crush at 14 moment hes so cute. tsaritsa megafan ajax? nah its all skirk. like her approval actually matters to him So Much you can see it) to see her again and challenge her to use both hands to defeat him the next time. like the reason skirk doesnt fit the 'pattern' is bc they just have a different dynamic and one that was formed before his current (insufferable) self and attitude was fully formed and he became the kind of person hes these days. like it has the remnants of baby ajax there before he killed his old self and picked the bones clean to remake himself into a warrior

and like this was partially in the og post wrt teucer already but overall i think the very like. grandiose nature of the roles he seeks to occupy in his relationships isnt a sign of desperation or thinking any less wouldnt be enough for ppl to tolerate him around but instead a reflection of his perfectionism, drive and ambition as well as his massive fucking ego. he doesnt want to be a Perfect Brother (TM) or at least the idea of it in his head (which can be a source of dubious judgements to begin w) bc he thinks only that is enough, he wants to be that bc he wants to excel at everything he does and put his all into it. hes not content with being average he MUST be the best and work towards being the best. being Just A Harbinger (like that by itself isnt a frightening achievement at his age already) that does his job as he should is too lowly of a bar when he always always demands more from himself to keep improving. so he strives to be a lethal weapon of war for the tsaritsa that commits to his duties with surgical precision. and so on. its not that he Has to be such an overachiever but that he Wants to be. he Wants to surpass his own limits every step of the way and watch the boundaries expand in front of him as he proceeds onwards on his path (lab warriors act III)

and as much as all this analysis stands i also think hes kinda just. a practical fairly straightforward guy by the end of it. and letting his actions speak for him is just a part of how he rolls imo like showing commitment by putting effort in a relationship through his actions is just a characterization thing. its easier to act to him than to do anything else, and slotting into a specific Role within a dynamic like the Loyal Knight Brother or Weapon of War just lets him allocate and manage which parts of himself he involves in any specific relationship

(also. its an inch resting quote unquote "loophole" to me that lowkey if u think abt it. foil hat on. he is loyal to the tsaritsa As her weapon of war. as tartaglia the 11th. as that particular mask that character. but thats also v much not All That He Is. so like. if u think abt it. isnt there also plenty of sides/roles of him that technically have never sworn that allegiance to her 🤔 hmm)

but yeah this got long jwdjkwdjkwjkdjkdjkdjkwd im afraid i couldnt rly agree with the central point ur making there but. theres v much interesting stuff to look at with childes relationships for sure & and this is just my very quick rambles on some of it. not very coherent but just stuff ive thought abt For A Long While wjkdjkwdjk

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

[sillyguyhotline]

Is the First Main Game Sort of...Poorly Written?

Alright, I’m aware I made the title pretty clickbait-y, so I want to preface this by saying that I don’t think Nankidai is a bad writer by any means. In fact, I think he’s a pretty fantastic writer, and I admire how he’s developed his characters and story thus far. However, I’ve stated before that I think he tends to prioritize character development over plot twists, and I think that the way the first Main Game was written is evidence of this because he let a lot of twists or more logical lines of thought fall to the wayside in favor of developing his characters. The writing has definitely gotten a lot more coherent thus far, but I think that the deaths of the first Main Game overshadow the more prevalent discontinuities. This is rightfully so; Joe had so much emotional importance to us and Kai had so many mysteries surrounding him that both of their deaths hit hard, and the development they both got after dying only made their deaths more significant. But this segment of the game certainly had some issues, and I’m going to go over them.

Firstly, the fact that Kai revealed himself to be the Sage out of seemingly nowhere and we were just encouraged to go along with it always bothered me. I’m not frustrated with the fact that Kai died, as I think that was a good choice in the story. He was such a mysterious character that picking apart his character, background, and motivations with clues received after his death was the best route to take to find out more about him. However, the circumstances around his death always bothered me. The only motivation we had to consider him being the Sage was him literally proclaiming “no, no, I’m the Sage!” amidst Joe and Kanna’s own assertions. Honestly, maybe I’m stupid but it took me a long time to deal the final blow to him because making such a statement was in line with his sense of humor and I didn’t take it seriously. And without any indications or clues prior to this, him haphazardly throwing out “I’m the Sage” was supposed to be our only reason to suspect him? Yes, we ultimately chose him because he didn’t name a symbol, but that really felt like pure coincidence and we only considered him because he randomly named himself as a candidate. And then when we actually did call him out, he absolutely freaked out and begged not to be voted for even though he was responsible for being seen as suspicious! This felt so rushed to me, and I’m 99% sure Nankidai just wanted a reason to get Kai killed off so he made him the Sage with few other reasons to do so. And like I’ve said, I think killing Kai was a good move in terms of character development, I just think that the plot point was very rushed. 

Secondly, I wanted to touch on a point @shintsukimistan made in her most recent post , about how illogical it was for Shin to have his little breakdown in the middle of the main game. (it was actually what got me thinking about this and inspired me to make this post so thank you sm for the inspiration :D) We all know that this breakdown was crucial to revealing Shin’s more distrustful nature and setting him up as a foil character, but it honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense in the context of when it happened. We know that he doesn’t trust anybody, and we know that he’d be driven to angry extremes because of that. But his priority, above all else, is to survive. When he makes this speech, he is reacting to the product of everyone’s trust in Sara. He has attempted to make everyone suspicious of her, but she has labored hard to gain their trust and as a result of that they’re defending her. And what does he do, after seeing that gaining the group’s trust has been directly advantageous to survival? He mocks the rest of the cast, calls them riff-raff, and openly denounces his trust in anyone else. This is literally the most counterintuitive action he could take, as much as it makes sense for his future character and takes everyone else off-guard. 

Thirdly, this is a smaller complaint than the other two, but it’s always bothered me that when faced with two people both claiming to be the Keymaster, the group votes them into the final round anyway. Why would they ever choose to do that, regardless of how suspicious either one is? By voting the two contenders for Keymaster into the final round, they are risking their own deaths if they end up making the actual Keymaster their final vote. What would the risk be if they didn’t vote for them? If they’re a Commoner, nothing would happen. If they’re a Sage, nothing would happen. If they’re a Sacrifice, they would die but the rest of the group would be safe, and if they’re a Keymaster nothing would happen. The risk of getting the entire group killed outweighs the risk of keeping a dangerous person in the group, and THEY SHOULD KNOW THIS, but they vote Shin and Sara into the final round anyway!! And, of course, like with the other two issues, this is a means to an end to further development and heighten tensions between our two foil characters. It makes sense from the player’s perspective, but from the characters’ perspective it’s not the greatest decision.

All of these issues that I have with the first Main Game are significant because they are very important in terms of character development!! As I’ve said before, I love how the characters in this game are played out and I just... adore them. And Nankidai clearly prioritizes his character development above all else, which I respect immensely. But I think this is proof that he doesn’t really do that well with plot twists unless they’re crucial to development (which is why I’m very suspicious of theories created for the shock value with very little backing in characterization) and that he honestly can’t write twists that well. Like I’ve said, I really enjoy the rest of the game and I think the emotional beats are strong enough to lessen the significance of these discontinuities, but they’re definitely there and they’re the reason I don’t think any plot twists for the sake of plot twists in YTTD will work out very well.

[kokichis-dead-dove-club]

I know there are lots of WC books, boy do I know. But put your most faves of the series and rate them - shipping-shiggy.

oh fuck this is HARD

hmmmmmm...... im gonna do this in categories i think, putting under the cut bc this could get long

alright i'll start with super editions, since theyre the most cut and dry i think

crookedstar's promise, it's super good, very emotional, i love crookedstar

tallstar's revenge, very gay, love it

this one's kinda difficult bc i havent read most of the older ones in a long time, so i think my answer would probably change once i've reread them, so... tentatively, im gonna say crowfeather's trial, for the sole reason that i have been a crowfeather fan since i was 10

ok next up im gonna do it by arc, and then after that i'll pick my faves out of those faves

for the prophecies begin:

into the wild, ofc

rising storm

i think a dangerous path and the darkest hour are tied here

honestly, the first arc in general is just rly solid, probably the best in the series (altho not my favorite arc)

now for the new prophecy... disclaimer, i havent read these books in at least 6 years, and i dont remember hardly anything so im going off wiki summaries lmao

starlight (windclan civil war my beloved, oh if only you were better fleshed out and expanded on)

sunset (good bramblehawk content lmao)

moonrise

power of three time

eclipse!! when i was a kid i reread this book over and over bc i thought the battle in the tunnels was just SO fucking cool, and yknow what? i was right

dark river

the sight

omen of the stars

the last hope for the sheer impact it had on me as a kid (also i still cry over firestar's death lmao)

night whispers

the forgotten warrior

dawn of the clans, my favorite arc!

the first battle, it has my favorite line in the series and is just. so good.

a forest divided

path of stars

a vision of shadows

SHATTERED SKY this is in my top 5 of all time, i LOVE how fucking dark it is, i can't get enough, i want more warriors books that are this level of fucked

thunder and shadow

the apprentice's quest

honestly this arc... kinda sucks lmao, it has some high points but overall... nah

the broken code! this is probably my 2nd or 3rd fave arc, i rly liked it

lost stars, incredibly strong start to an arc

the silent thaw, was not bored for even a single page reading this one, which is very rare for warriors

darkness within bc of how dark it is, even in comparison to the rest of this arc; like, that scene where the sisters are trying to summon bramblestar's ghost but instead it's a bunch of ghost cats screaming in agony?? fucking awesome

aaand i can't rly rate the current arc since theres only one book out dnfgdjkfh but i really loved river, i think this arc is gonna be pretty good!

soooo overall rankings! we have:

shattered sky, i could read it again and again, i swear

the first battle

into the wild

and just for funsies here are some of my least favorite books, not rly categorized bc im getting tired of typing<3

yellowfang's secret, leopardstar's honor, squirrelflight's hope, the sun trail (seriously fuck this book), outcast (every time the erins write a traveling book i die a little more inside), the fourth apprentice, river of fire, and the place of no stars

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

��It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[liketolaugh-writes]

whats ur thoughts on ppl loving ur headcanons enough to write them into their own works? do u want credit for them? obsessed w links chronic pain & ur ptsd headcanons for him (but add in the fact ive had a rly similar sign name idea for botw link since botw came out and it makes me feel like im plucking directly from ur stuff. thievery of the highest order, even if the name came independently. stealing… preemptively. thats what it feels like) AND in love w the sheikah slate being a speaking aid and its like i want to write with all of that in mind but i overthink very hard n i dont wanna storm into a space not meant for me if ur protective over ur interpretation of botw link? listen i KNOW u dont own

CAT SENT THAT ASK BEFORE I WAS DONE (passes out) but listen. ik u dont Own LOZ or the Rights to Headcanons but i. dont like! running w other ppls ideas if theres potential that they wont like it. so i gotta check in. thank u have a good day

That’s wonderfully thoughtful of you, and I really appreciate your asking! <3 And I totally get it, you have no idea how many times I’ve sent asks a lot like this checking if it’s alright to write a derivative idea. (Hello, Circuit Breaker! Never did get an answer for that one.)

I’d say it depends on how direct the inspiration is, but I promise I won’t be annoyed either way! Honestly, I’d be delighted to see a lot of these hcs in other works - a lot of the reason I started writing for LOZ is because I was literally never, ever going to find a Link as specific as the one I wanted. I was having trouble finding h/c fic at all, frankly!

In general, though, trust your judgement! Something like using the sign name ‘Honey Nut’ or any of the Hallowell family I would want credit for, but Link with PTSD is pretty bog-standard even with the specific symptoms I give him. (A different but similar sign name is fine without credit, especially bc you specified it came independently!) Chronic pain falls somewhere in between - I’d appreciate a shout-out, but it is canon that he has scars, and it’s not that much of a stretch from scars to pain. Honest to God though I would be so thrilled just to see it written. And the Sheikah slate... I think it would be okay either way, and I wouldn’t actually ask for credit unless you used precisely the same system. (The system I write about is based on real-life AAC devices, by the way!)

So in conclusion, the only thing I think there’s absolutely no reason to credit me for is Link with PTSD, and the rest is really up to you. <3

(Just to throw it out there, I actually totally would be okay with anyone using the Hallowell family with credit, just because I fucking adore fics involving protagonists’ lost families, but I understand that creating a believable and lovable family for them is tricky. I have internal rules out my ass for how to create and present OCs in fanfic, lmao.)

I broke it down point-by-point because I know how reassuring it is to get specific, solid answers, but I do want to reiterate that you’re absolutely right - no one owns an idea, especially in the fanfic community. I usually just let people dictate whether or not I use the ‘inspired by’ AO3 function to link back to their fic. (Oh, goodness, and I reread your ask just now and I hope that this wasn’t too overboard - no, I’m not at all protective of my headcanons, and I live by the philosophy ‘write what you want to read.’ God, do I!)

Can you send me a link when it’s up? 👀 I haven’t read much LOZ fanfiction in a while, and I look for it even less - it’s just so rare for me to find one to my tastes. Sassy verbal (abled) Link is a gem of his own, but not really what I want out of a BOTW fanfic.

(Also, I apologize if I made you anxious with how long this took lmao - you might have noticed I never shut the fuck up, and everything got written all out of order too. Thanks, ADHD.)

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌