#so thats what kinda inspired me to make this
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been feeling sick lately but heres koda waking up with his hair looking like a cockatoo
#disney#fanart#art#my art#don’t steal#brother bear#ber bros#kenai#koda#my bonnets been falling off while ive been sleeping and when i wake up my hair looks like a absolute mess#so thats what kinda inspired me to make this#im starting to feel a little bit better but still kinda meh#im actually so proud of this tho#i really love the way it turned out#bro slept GOOD
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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"Beating so fast, seems like it'll burst..."
#crow's scribbles#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#shinobu inuyose#esora shimizu#yuka jennifer sasago#i finally drew something in ms paint after.... a while.#please dont mind how rusty they look (especially esora's hands)....#this is a follow up to kyoko's one yes this is what the other 3 look like#try to guess which starish members i took inspiration from for each of them hehe#i loooove these designs....#should i post the concept sketches? tell me if you wanna see them lol#each of them are matching w one member in one way but still different i specifically made sure of that#i based them off what i think their 2 charm points are similar to love live kinda#esora is the cute and lovely one of course; shinobu is the quiet and mysterious one; yuka is the strong and beautiful one#and then kyoko is the charismatic and cool one duh.#i dont have a favorite design but the one im proud of the most is esora! i think i managed to get her vibe while also keeping the idol feel#i wanna make these types of outfits for the other units but i think i gotta think of something their unit can be other than DJ unit#this can be an au in it of itself but for now it's gonna be outfits for them so i dont go crazy#like. photon = actresses/or takarazuka revue actresses? towa and saki are musumeyaku while ibuki and noa are otokoyaku... maybe.#hapiara and rondo can be a band bc of rei and nagisa but hapiara is pop while rondo is hard rock/metal bc duhhhh (but idk w hapiara.....)#you cannot separate merm4id from clubbing so they're p much just the same except saori is a regular DJ in rikamarika's club w dalia--#working as a bartender there. yeahhhhh.... lyrilily are p much just choir girls now bc thats all i can think of atm (maybe they act too???)#abyssmare and unichord...... hrmmmm.... idkkkkkkk. v-tubing related for sure w unichord but abyssmare i have nothing#SO. now i'll stop my rambling here byeeeee enjoy my losers (affectionate) and my thoughts on this byeeeee
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This is going to sound really weird, I know, but I seriously feel like there's a number of like, British communists who desperately wish they were Eastern European??? Like they think that by being into political side of communism (usually not the kind that existed in Eastern Europe), they can be chummy with people who actually grew up in Eastern Europe and were raised with the communist era somewhere in the background their whole life, usually without knowing the nitty gritty of theory but with a lot of cultural herritage from that time...
Like no, there's a big difference between being British, being raised in British culture, with cultural institutions, history, traditions, then getting into communist theory and just assuming that you know everything about life in communist Eastern Europe, and then pulling a "how do you do fellow commies" to people from Eastern Europe whose associations with communism are much different, and they will see you as detached and insensitive at best.
#hatter blathers#ive seen a lot of people like that in the de fandom#and yes this post was inspired by a certain indie game that has been making rounds recently#like... you make a game thats so clearly inspired by de. you clearly want to establish a similar tone in your world#but you cant. because youre trying to make it into a reflection of the uk.#i dont know. its just kinda killing me. i dont know whats more outrageous#a de styled game having a landlord or a gender clinic. both of these things just clash so hard with what i associate with des tone#and from what i can see the tone is all flipped#des world is grimy and poor and has a ton of issues but the overall tone is very hopeful id say#because the world parellels harry: he sucked and was awful but he has a ton of potential and can turn for the better#while in this game the overall tone is everything is shit and theres no hope in anything#and like... again. the author can do whatever they want. but the game is so heavily inspired by de that its impossible to not compare#this whole game feels like a terminally online british communist who marinated their brain in leftist online spaces played de#and all they got out of it is WOW this game has based communism AND a funny failure man as a protag??? and nothing else beside it#again. its great if you love the game. im sure that the creators put a lot of love and passion into it and have a desire to show something#important to them#i just dont think its that good. the writing is corny and too reliant on le internet funnyspeak#and they take a blatant inspiration from de without seemingly understanding what made the game engaging and so moving#plus its taking a sucessful eastern european story and world and forcefully twisting it to fit the british mold while neutering#its very essence#so you can probably see why im not very stoked on it#but again i just dont think im the target audience for it. if you liked it then thats great
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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OKAY RANT ON VIVZIEPOP SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT CARE
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I like Viv as an artist, shes inspired me since frickin middleschool with her animations, character designs, and now 2 shows holy crap. I just really wish she'd get off social media for her own mental health cuz good god it's not great to see a whole thread of tweets arguing with someone about the dislike of fanfiction having homophobic undertones its just... agdhdh Viv is a pretty controversial person due to unfortunate past events and having shows that present some darker subject matter. Honestly? I want to see Viv not just move past the previous controversy, but learn from it to be better. Its totally fair tho if you think the handling of certain topics arent done well, there are things people will have preference over. And I dont give a fuck about shipping, I dont wanna see it, frankly. If you're doin somethin shady with it and I see it I'm certainly not going to like it and I'll do my best to not interact with you, but I think we should make tagging things just a common thing? Keeps things organized and people can intake what they want while the stuff they dont want is not being shown to them. Same goes with headcanons they're someone imagining something, they arent holding the creators hostage to make it canon. Canon is silly anyways! Both the OG and a headcanon can exist because AUs and headcanons are just another version of the thing. Headcanons arent going to change the episodes, they'll still be the same way the creators made it. So like... chill.
Just as long as it has no mental or physical negative implications or intent against actual living people I will add.
Dont harrass actors because they play a villian you need to separate fiction and reality it's literally their job to pretend to be someone else.
#vivziepop#vivzipop critical#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#it sucks to see someone i looked up to seemingly keep stirring the controversy pot#the shows arent for everyone#things arent always going to be appealing to everyone and thats ok#i think viv needs to let go the fact some people do not like her or her shows instead of fighting people for a whole thread#im embarrassed to say im a fan of these shows???#and dont get me wrong i think they kinda suck sometimes and the writing inconsistancy makes me so so frustrated#but there are a few moments where i really feel connected to their struggles#loneliness and a fear of rejection are something i empathize with a lot#im frustrated because of what these shows COULD be#and how happy it makes me to see these shows be enjoyed so much because tbh everything about it is full of things we are told#is bad and weird and cringe and something real proffesionals would never respect#and they made it! it lets me know if im passionate enough people like me can do what we love and still be successful#i hope for many other passion projects from artists in the future who may be inspired by not just Vivzie but the tons of indie stuff out rn#crowmancerx#idk just a rant#i do want to lay out at some point my many issues with the writing of Vivz's shows but ill holdoff on big rants for a bit#agsudvdhdb#its been a rough day at school
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WSBH chara q’s: (you don’t have to answer all the numbers, just whatever you want to 𖢘)
16/35/51 for Scotch
1/6/55 for Atlas
I LOVE YOU
16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?
okay i truly think scotch argues with seraph in his head all the time. ALL the time. scotch largely ignores them, and vice versa, because he dislikes them and they know it. seraph is very conflict avoidant lol, and as long as hes not a "threat" they dont care to talk to him about their problems. he probably argues with atlas and jacob (his older brother) too, atlas about more stupid small stuff, and jacob about childhood and life stuff :p
im trying to think of more general groups he would argue with but i cant come up with anything BAHAH. hes not exactly conflict avoidant in the annoying libra way that seraph is, he more just ignores conflict for his friends’ (mostly atlas’) sake. idk if that makes sense LOL
35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?
hmmm.. smallest? i mean scotch strings eloise along for most of the time pre timeskip. its not a main focus but its definitely important in order to understand scotch as a whole. she and scotch go out for a while, and mid way through that he realizes hes GAY gay. lol. and obviously lying to her about that is pretty questionable after a while. especially since he and atlas have been 👉👌 like the whole time. but she kind of knows. well
something a little bigger would be him encouraging or otherwise turning a blind eye to all the weird stuff atlas is up to. he doesn't know what it's like to be a werewolf, he can't say anything, right? lol.... murder is okay if its a talking dog doing it. scotch enabler supreme. actually when seraph is introduced, he and atlas have a 'joke' (kind of starts being real) about luring seraph somewhere to kill them. obviously doesnt happen and gets abandoned. but i think its important to know about their dynamic LOL
51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?
this guy is kind of goofy. i cant think of phrases rn but he has a specific way of speaking.. you could watch pretty much any old pop punk band interview and kind of get the idea. HAHAH
1. What’s the lie your character says most often?
atlas is a big fan of saying 'its fine' for all situations ever. family in mortal danger? its fine. completely splitting? its fine. arthritis excruciating? its fine. hes one of those people that dont like to deal with the fawning of others unless hes feeling real special. Ends up putting people in more danger a lot of the time. i think eloise is the only fan of communication in this friend group to be honest. i should have made her the main character
he tends to make promises he cant keep as well, but thats more general..
6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?
i have NO idea. i feel like atlas would be a music snob, so maybe his favorite 'super underground' bands. otherwise he'd probably never recommend raw human meat to another human (no matter how much scotch asks -__-).. (he would chicken out anyway)
55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?
um. so atlas hates working out. he especially hates running, you know, the thing that wolves are known for doing a lot of? unfortunately the lycanthropy came with a side effect of pretty bad arthritis, so that doesnt exactly encourage him. he DOES exercise, a lot since hes pretty much required for his ermm "side job", but he hates it 😸 besides the arthritis it’s mostly because I think it’s silly that he hates it. yay
#ummm a lot of what i talk about with my ocs are the character relationships but thats why i write. i like gossip. its fun. LMFAO#im actually having trouble deciding whether i want atlas to be a killer or not. like regularly killing i mean. hes definitely killed SOMEON#im really inspired by ginger snaps and scream. i dont even like scream that much but it reminds me of how they are. lol#scotch and atlas are pretty different but theres two things i see as themes. they both hate communication (and that causes conflict; so mor#avoiding). and the fact that scotch lives vicariously through atlas. atlas is doing#what scotch thinks is interesting. for pretty much the entire time; scotch likes to beg atlas to turn him. i think scotch sees the lack of#control he has over his life and sees lycanthropy as power. arguably thats why scotch is so attracted to atlas. lol#idk. thats not canon. im just thinking out loud here.#and yk it is power but not freedom. atlas would much rather just be a regular wolf. hunting and shit. but hes got these damn people here lo#but he sees what his life is like being a lycanthrope and hes kinda like. no. im not bringing that onto you. you dont know what youre askin#YOU KNOW? its goofy. i know. but its fun. LOL#if you (a general audience you but it can be you too grins) want to talk about scotch's confusion about his attraction to eloise we'd be#here all day. i think scotch is an egg. i dont know. i truly think theres some vicarious living (again) through her femininity.#and el is trans so he doesnt see her femininity as unattainable to him. you know? i hope that makes sense lol and im kind of projecting on#to him wif dat. to be honest. but obviously in the other direction. BWAHAH#asks#eucyon#thank u for da ask jesse this is so fun ^__^ and exciting that someone remembers their names HAH#after all this talking in the tags what I meant to say is that scotch and atlas both have sick intentions. it’s just that scotch doesn’t#act on them. and atlas does. so. living vicariously. ok
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@ those tf2 server related tags: the lazypurple silly servers still exist. and if you want a silly-adjacent server that still has killing/pvp enabled then they also have a "TDM" server where objectives are disabled so you really just get to dick around
i figured his servers would still be around, although i don't think i ever had personally played on his servers before. i think i've seen some videos of them in the past though.
the two servers i use to hang around in through 2012-2016 were mostly just... hang-out servers? the term i refer to them as is "hub servers", similar to like... hub levels in platformers. one was a big city server where i met a good ammount of my friends on, the other was a server with maps the server owner created, which is also the server that hosted one of my maps. they had some sourcemods in common like the jetpack plugin.
im not sure if i could personally experience the vibes of those servers in the same way these days. granted anytime i play tf2 these days, it's usually to play casual, haven't touched any community servers in a long time.
#ask#anon#theres a channel ive been subbed to on youtube that made the uhh... meet the random fortress videos#those videos give me nostalgia in a way i cant describe#cause like the two servers i mentioned didnt have that exact extreme vibes going on.#but thats what it felt like to play those servers sometimes#like i see those videos and i imagine thats how the golden machine gun server was back in 2008 or so.#i never played on that server for context. but i watched plenty of videos from their channel#the golden machine gun also brings back the nostalgia of a server having custom maps specific to that server#like you couldnt experience those maps anywhere else.#those kind of maps i think honestly inspired me to get into mapping#that. and the second server listed above had maps that kinda looked not great. and i wanted to make a map that looked nicer.#i dont agree with that sentiment in going about making maps now. but thats what got me into mapping.#im told that server hosted the map i made a lot. like it was a really popular map even after i stopped hanging out there#idk. i guess what im getting at is that theres a certain magic to the servers i use to play that idk if ill ever experience the same again#thats not to say it cant be recreated or remade exactly. its just idk if i could experience it the same.#id have to be around a lot of folks from friendshow. whom of which are folks i met from those servers#though not a lot of us play live tf2 that actively these days. ive mostly been playing cause my current computer runs it well now#and ive just been having fun playing casual.... for the most part. and also customizing my guys#im okay at the game these days. ranging from pretty good to okay in most matches.#sometimes i kinda want to be in a server where i can just look pretty and fuck about.#im sure maybe ill find a place some day. ik the servers exist. i just havent really tried exploring any#i think my experience to those servers are similar to roblox servers i use to hang around in as a kid in 2008-2009#if anyone remembers uhh... space cruise v3 or whatever. thats the vibes i want to achieve for a map some day.#like youre just in a big space cruiser with your own personal room and you can do jobs to get money and buy furnature#and just mill about and shit. too bad that world doesnt really work anymore with robloxs code changes since 2007....#anyway thank you for telling me anon! i do appreciate it!!
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love that one really bad day turns into me being super motivated the next day alskdf
but its at least a lot better today despite me being super sleepy. i managed to finish 2 auditions again which is fun and i edited some writing i was working on
i also restarted a new blog for putting some voice audios on alskdjfh im not quite sure WHAT exactly to do with it yet but hey its there alskdjfha
#avil speaks#i did originally make a va blog before but i didnt do anything with it because i was. busy#but im going to try again alksdjafh#idk if i will actually put my auditions up yet#i wont until i actually get rejected LMAO#but i think itd just be fun to do#besides itd also be kinda neat if i can try to put songs up there as well#thats what i did last time but you know alskjdaf#anyways.#theres this blog that slightly inspired me to do something but#idk how interested anyone would be in it#the blog would often just read stuff from the databank in h.sr and i LOVE the databank sm so#reading from there is nice practice anyways lmao#but is anyone interested in that?#idk if my voice is nice enough for narration but aslkdfja yeah you know.
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oh i absolutely gave myself way too much of a workload this semester but holy shit i finally have like... about 80% of that orv changgwi animatic down in concept and i am. cartoon villain cackling
#asto speaks#when (yes WHEN not IF) i get it done its gonna hurt so bad#i mean i dont think it'll get done *soon* cuz god my workload this semester is. something#but if my math isnt wrong the webtoon is only gonna get to chapter 188 (where i plan to cover up to in the animatic) in like june so#ive got time?? kinda?? anyway i literally *cannot* stop thinking about this fucking idea so mark my words i will get it done#also yes its going to hurt me to make too because i havent ever done an animatic for a full song yet#changgwi is one of those songs thats kinda impossible to split up idk#also because my BEST ideas are at exactly the beginning and ending of the song. convenient.#the ending was like my one major concern when i first thought of this idea actually cuz the part of the song that#originally made me think of orv was that second (third?) verse of like the spirit telling the story of its own death that felt very yjh idk#but i just had. no idea what to do with the second half of the song#but then i read the novel and chapter 188 hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat#and now that ending might be my favourite part of the whole project#>:)#big massive sorry to all my rwd mutuals btw i know there was a bit where i kept talking about making another rwd animatic#i do still have that sitting in my brain just cuz ive already animated a few segments of the song#i just dont reaaally have a full plan for the whole thing exactly so#by this point im just seeing if we get any DX-TR lore in s5 that might inspire me idk#project 2 electric boogaloo#stay tuned idk i have a bit of a proof of concept i plan to make this/next week#its funny actually cuz i got introduced to this song through an arknights animatic i saw on bb and i spent#honestly an embarrassing amount of time worrying if some of the ideas i have in my plan were just like. subconsciously stolen from that one#but i was like procrastinating schoolwork today and trying to plan out some stuff and just#went and looked up every changgwi animatic on bilibili i could find#and turns out the stuff i was worried id been stealing are honestly just like. common among *all* the stuff ive seen that use that song?#like cuz the official lyric video for the song is just so. stylistically *striking* a lot of genetic material from that just makes its way#into everything people make using that song like at this point the monochrome red colour scheme and like#ending on a backwards timelapse (?) through the vid is basically like scenes a faire for any changgwi animatic LMAO
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why don't i ever drop lore anymore wtf lmao
#not even on discord i just kinda say something dumb and disappear#lmaoooo oops#i was thinking of talking about media that inspires me but tbh my siblings made it clear that my interests are fckn horrendous 😭#my brother told me that he isn't taking recommendations anymore from me because its always too disturbing💀 but tbh i just love deep horror#and i loveee the creativity with it. cgi monsters and shit is fucking ass like no i want the real meaningful shit and the shit thats scary b#but Realistically scary#i likeeeumbthe real psychological meanings behind things i like when its meaningful and complicated#but its so difficult to explain the meanings in my head#i mean i wasn't ever going to originally talk about my paras but now that i have a lot of friends who talk about theirs#i dont want to weird them out or bore them because my daydreams are so weird 💀 like not even in the disturbing way just Weird#i think i like my paracosm more when i keep it to myself like a lot of the reactions i get make me want to be more normal EVEN IN MY FUCKING#PRIVATE HEADSPACE BUT NO i don't want to do that#idk what im trying to conclude i think im just blindly typing away 😭#i want to stay in my bubble of niche interests without weirding people out ig#i think a lot of people get bored by sapphic stories too but that's an entirely different topic LMAO
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wondering how many things seraphina does because it allows her to play at human-ness.
#for instance she sleeps; she doesn’t need to sleep though but it allows her to get one step closer to Being Human#this stage of her life is her desire for humanity vs her desire for power#(i cant have a regular slice of life oc i have to make her BONKERS and also#give her a supernatural ability thats just fun enough where she can sometimes just be a normal person… except shes#not and thats a major part of her existence)#but yeah i just needed to log back onto this blog.#but yeah i love seraphina so much :)#BUT THE POINT OF THIS WAS: a lot of seraphina’s traits and habits and doings come from a place of#doing what she thinks people do#shes living like a real person in these ways; despite her very current and kinda active vampirism#and the ways that vampirism affects her in her everyday life#a big inspiration for this blog is hozier’s ‘like real people do’#so this is me taking a push from that tune xoxo!!#but yeah hope this makes sense :)
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im feeling so many ways abt late a5a2 homestuck (i just finished it actually) but the sufferer hit way different.
homestuck late a5a2 spoilers incoming!!!
adding this after writing way too much shit that im not fucking deleting: vent cw too
ok so my main thing that made me feel something (a rarity, like almost unheard of /gen /srs) was the signless' story. something about it just envoked feelings within me, i dont even know how to describe them
something about this fucking frame just made me feel... idk what. dread? pity? genuinely idk. obviously its not the whole "ouuuu tied up so hawttt" bullshit, idk i think the story combined with the music and imagery just made it to the farthest pits of my soul, and this point was the breaking/overwhelming point.
i almost want to sit thru all of it again just to try and figure it out. i want to feel that again to understand it. obviously if i read it again i wont feel anything cuz thoughts, emotions, and feelings are a rare experience for me.
i feel like the story felt like a metaphor for my life, not to get all emo and dark and edgy or whatever about it, im being completely level-headed and genuine with this.
fuck thats what it feels like's happening inside of me. i feel my compassion and love for others depleting, as its been for years, with the cards ive been dealt (not getting into that right now). ive been conscious of an eternal rage slowly growing inside of me, and these past few years i feel like the ratio of compassion vs. rage within me is leaning in a way that im just barely able to see how bad and scary it is. ive been subjected to a life of suffering in almost every place i could imagine, yet i always tried to stay a loving, caring person for the few individuals who bring about some light in this darkness.
yet i can see it happening before my very eyes. i see i am no longer who i once was, im worse, im violent and enraged all the time and its getting worse and harder contain with every passing day. its scary being able to watch yourself rot away into a bottomless pot of boiling rage.
torture and execution has always been the metephor ive used when describing how i live and feel inside. i think to see something so deep within me and something so relatable in front of me, written and drawn out as a story, i think that broke me.
#homestuck spoilers#cw vent#the signless#homestuck#this comic is the only thing thats made me feel something like this#it kinda makes me feel.. less lonely and like im not the only one whos lived like this.#kinda fucking wild how its the mutant bloods who i relate to the most#its almost like i am them in a way. perhaps my creation triggered a reaction throughout the universe to have them created#like i was their inspiration or theyre based off me#i know its not true but it makes me feel better#idk how i feel#i learned feelings the way an AI learns how people talk#or how they act etc. so like all these complex things are impossible for me to compute#ive written too much my hand really hurts cuz the whole possible fractured wrist thing or whatever. bye#no fucking way im leaving this in the queue or drafts#this is being posted publicly so everyone can see my fucking stupid fucking meltdowns#i really need to stop writing so much self deprecating and self exposing and self discovery bullshit#is that even what this is??? i dont fucking know anymore i cant stop typing fuck#nobody even reads any of my rants or tags or vents or whatever anyways. not like im looking for help or pity#but fuck i dont even know what reason i write or post shit like this#nothing good will ever come out of it#god i hate myself more than anyone else#i guess its good im my biggest adversary. i keep close tabs on each and every move ive made in the past#and everything i may or may not do in my future#i just realized this sounds like im playing a character wtf is wrong with me am i really this fucking moronic?#this is genuinely such a pathetic depressing annoying piece of shit to read back but i still feel like i have to post it#fuck the tags are longer than the post this is so stupid#fuck
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I added two more!
Jack’s sister
Spirit of the woods
Happy Holidays! I made playlists for RotG characters (even minor characters from the books)
Jack
Bunny
Pitch
Sandy
North
Tooth
MiM
Kathrine
Nightlight
Emily Jane
Ombric
Kozmotis Pitchiner
Lady Pitchiner
Shadowbent
Lermantoff
#Should I do one for Jamie? I feel like a Jamie playlist would slap but I also have no idea what I’d put on there#I feel like I almost got every character.#Out of the movie characters i got most named characters#just not the 7 kids or the named minons (baby tooth and phil) or human adult characters like Jamie’s mom or Jack’s mom#but I feel like those would end up being very inspired by fanfic (which isn’t the goal) bc they don’t have much characterization#and I don’t have a certain vibe or headcanons which I used to put together for the playlists for minor characters I did include#For the books I don’t have a lot of the minor characters (kids/minions/antagonists) which is a surprising amount of characters.#The 3 biggest characters I don’t have are Mr. Qwerty and twintender and the monkey king#thats it i think. I don’t see much reason to make a 20 song playlist for a lot of these characters#maybe Jamie I see the most reason in but the others? Maybe for a ‘I’m writing this character in a fanfic so here’s a playlist’ kinda vibe#But not for a playlist for playlist’s sake. Too little characterization and too little headcanons.#Maybe baby tooth is more likely than like petter from the books but I still have no idea what songs I’d even put there#If anyone asks me to do one for the monkey king I’d do it but ONLY if someone asks me to#I do not like the monkey king [stinky bastard man (derogatory)] and even tho it’ll vibe bc my music taste is immaculate I would struggle#I’d also have to put a disclaimer that it’s not Sun Wukong. Bc they’re very different characters with the same title.#Also I do edit the playlists. I went through them and replaced some songs I didn’t really like anymore recently#I don’t do it a lot but if I find a song that fits perfectly or I don’t like a certain song anymore or#one of my favorite artists releases a new song. I’ll change it. It’s not very frequent but I do it#Just a heads up just in case someone is a bit confused about what happened their favorite song in the playlist#Jack’s playlist almost has 500 saves and I’ve changed his around the most. Whoops#I’m trying to make them be more coherent which is a bit hard bc my music taste is all over the place#like why’d I put indie next to classical next to classic rock next to jazz?#bc I love all those songs and they remind me of blorbo but god the shifts are a bit disorienting and it’s a tad unorganized#Maybe listening to Metallica after Nat King Cole is a vibe. Whose gonna stop me besides myself and a desire to organize
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gotta say, the new dw intro really scratches my brain just the right way
#like. the instrumentation and reimagining is so beautiful#they added so many little things in there!! and its the most orchestral its ever been!!#gragrhghgrrrh I WANT TO FUCKING EAT IT#doctor who#all of a sudden. wow never thought id return to it#cause usually im a hater but that mightve been just chibnall + moffat apparently#honestly i watched the last 4 eps and somehow i dont want to trash the whole thing and i have no idea why exactly#maybe the subconscious respect for tennant and tate. maybe the lack of the master and active mistreatment from both writers and the doctor.#maybe chibnall's writing of the doctor's character was so off i just got used to it and gave up on the whole idea until watching new eps#honestly the fuck was spyfall 2. the fuck was timeless children. the _fuck_ was the flux. the _FUCK_ was potd.#and oh my god can we talk about how much it felt like chibnall was inspired by cw flash (/neg) all the way from s12 to the very end to me#he put the master in doctor's body and MADE THE PROCESS LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING SPEED FORCE i couldnt make that shit up in a fever dream#and thats just what i recalled first. like the very concept of the timeless child sounds like barry being the sf source/beginning/whatever#the fucking crystal flux dude being an enemy doctor didnt face on screen yet yet knows her THAT KILLS HER FUCKING 'MOTHER'????#..ok that escalated from an intro appreciation quickly. anyway#turns out i actually still fucking love it! turns out it shaped me in so many ways as my first fixation and still kinda resonates with me
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