#so thats 3 of the things i said i was gonna do.
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my main pazzi evidence!
hey guys, people have been asking me to give me reasoning as to why i think pazzi is real so here ya go. there is A LOT more i could say and a ton more evidence but imma try to piece my basic thoughts together explain as much as i can consicely.
1. their general vibe
ok lemme say first of all, the thing that pisses me off most about pazzi deniers is that they dont acknowledge hard evidence. like hand placement, eye contact, the "is it spit" video, etc. but the thing that's the absolute kicker to me is their entire vibe around each other.
i think the animal letter/pillow video is a really good example of this. start by imagining how you would play that game with your friends, even your closest friends of ten years. would you giggle at them and smile at them the way that p + a look at/talk to each other? probably not. (and if you do, babes im gonna hold your hand when i tell you this...) the entire video was just not something you'd expect from friends AT ALL.
also. the way paige's ENTIRE demeanor changes near azzi. duuuuude its so adorable. any time she's talking to azzi, and even sometimes when azzi is within earshot, paige's voice softens SUBSTANTIALLY and she becomes more thoughtful and calm. an example of this would be kk's (second) crumbl live in the bedroom, when azzi walks in and all of a sudden paige is now giggling quietly as opposed to cracking up loudly like she was before. i think its the whole "calming presence" idea and p + a really both are each other's anchor.
also u don't go on a cruise with your best friend and act the way they acted (and posted).
2. the hard evidence
the aforementioned "is it spit" video. like bro. no matter what the fuck azzi said, what paige responded was extremely suggestive, and azzi's reaction to it just proves that. paige we know that ur faggot ass's favorite tongue movement to lets just take a chill pill on live tv (jk pls dont stop keep feeding our delulu pazzi shipper asses)
another piece of hard evidence: "happy birthday to the precious princess 💗" OK PAIGE WE KNOW SHES UR WIFE. paige wanted to say "my precious princess" so bad its so obvious
paige and azzi also have not shut down ANY rumors or even spoken on the subject of their suspected relationship. instead, i would go so far as to say they've fed into it, the posts about each other, the continuous posting of the "💗" emoji even though the entire internet has a suspicion about what it means. this also ties into the fact that they do have social media, paige is active a lot, their teammates are active, and they definitely (no matter how) seeing these pazzi edits. they are OUT THERE and even the announcers know it.
ice and kk's faces whenever p + a are flirting got me ctfu every time. ice does not try to hide it AT ALL and even though i think kk tries, once in a while she makes a face (the interview where she is in the middle of them)
3. no other relationships/their dynamic
lets be generous to the deniers and say that they've only had smth (a relationship, whether it be serious or not) since 2021. they have not been with anyone since. i will say it again. they have not been with anyone since. with their popularity and how gorgeous/attractive they both are, i feel like if they were seen close with anyone, we would know about it. fine, someone could say they are just both locking in to school and bball, but i really just think p + a work so well together and basically have the same schedule so there is pretty much no negatives to them being together, therefore no reason why it would take away from school/bball. i think they are each other's person and really just compliment each other so well (opposites attract!)
basically the way they act is not how "just friends" act. i dont make the rules 🤷🏻♀️
ok so thats my basic thoughts. i could LITERALLY go on for pages (and i will if you guys want!) just let me know (send me an ask or smth) and ill make more posts with more evidence and just basically debriefing it. ok thank u girlypops for listening to my ted talk
ps. thank you to @elliesglock for debriefing some of the uconn lives, pls continue bc they are so fun to read and u have such good thoughts on everything!
#paige buckets#uconn huskies#uconn women's basketball#paige x azzi#uconn women’s basketball#paige bueckers#pazzi#uconn wbb#azzi fudd#azzi35#pazzi is real#pazzi crumbs#p + a#ava's evidence
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btw i didnt come back online bc im finished with my homework its actually going horribly in fact
#i mean. i did practice bass and wash my sheets and got a lot of work done on one of my assignments#so i should be able to finish it tomorrow in not too much time#so thats 3 of the things i said i was gonna do.#but i also wanted to finish the sketch for my obs drawing final and it just. is not anywhere close is it.#basically. im stuck. its bigger than anything ive done in a while and i just cannot fill the space for the life of me. and everything i try#adding in doesnt work#rureghaghdksahg#its stressing me out a bit bc if the sketch is taking me this long idk like i dont think the final drawing will take as long but i also jus#dont know for sure how long it will take me and i want to have some wiggle room bc this is. the final. like that prof is v chill but#he has to yk submit grades at the end of the semester like i cant just have infinite time#gah. okay im gonna try one more thing and then im going to bed regardless of if it works or not k goodnight#zem diary
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3
#this was back in uhhhh jan 2023!! hot dog!! and its still perfeclty good to eat!#i think kian and chip would get along. they could talk about feelings. kian could give chip the therapy he needs. maybe kiss? who said that#jay and rand could also get along i think. smoke buddies. cigarette fans. i bet they could play dnd together. or build a contraption togeth#also WAUHG the way i colored in kira here is SO PERFECT.. SHES SO SPARKLY N PRETTY. ALSO THAT HOOORNN i remember bleeding for that#shading is HARD lighting is HARD drawing a crazy unicorn is HARD but SOOOO WORTH IT I SITLL LOVE HOW IT LOOKES.....#waht else is there. oh yes the prime defender doodles#i love mark so much.... i miss being crazy and strange abt mark winters... i need to draw him killing more people someday#anyway i gotta go to bed soon to keep my sleep schedul on track but I DONT WAANNA!!!! recently relistened to bitb. that might release spore#im also chippin away at that am i in heaven animatic between workin on commissions. I GOT RLY FAR!! i think that i could finish it within#like. 3 or 4 more inspo waves. it wont be unfinished forevcer..... its so close... just 4 more full scenes to rly fleshh out#so basically another 2 years. YEAH BABy. in the meantime i have a backlog of things i can poast. i got plenty o drawings and doodles to sha#alrigh thats all the ramblin im gonna do for now. sleep well everyone hope shool or work goes easy on u in the coming week
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the bear s3 spoilers
below the cut! thinking about claire and stuff we saw this season re: carmy/syd/the restaurant/donna, just finished the season so itll be a mess and also im comin in way too hot on this so my bad
sometimes...... sometimes i believe you guys are all watching different tv. im not sure how this season didnt feel like a direct through line from s2?? and im not sure WHY everyone is SO MAD about claire LITERALLY "haunting" this season. girl. come on. we need to have a sit down talk about how the berzatto generational trauma is the real meat of this show (this will make sense, just trust me). thats the MAIN EMOTIONAL POINT. syd's relationship with her dad, marcus and his mom, richie and evie, even tina and louie are all examples of parental relationships that are tender, sweet, supportive, etc. these are INTENTIONAL!! by creating these relationships we see PLAINLY how fucked donna is and how much she fucked up all of these kids. thats why "ice chips" was such a FANTASTIC episode. there was SO MUCH unpacked, so much revealed, so much worked through with sugar and her but at the end of the day she's still learning how to unlearn all of this horrific narcissistic bullshit. SHES STILL UNLEARNING THOUGH. thats where fucking DONNA of all people sits right now——somehow, she's learning how to heal. EVERYONE IS LEARNING. that's also what is so important about that episode.
now lets look at carmy. in "ice chips" we are LITERALLY told about how each berzatto is born: mikey fighting against the idea of being alive at all, nat into a quiet, soothing room, and CARMY is fucking born into EVERYONE SCREAMING and ARGUING and FIGHTING. we are BLATANTLY told that all carmy has ever known is HELL and all he's ever known how to communicate is through exploding. this is so violently against what we also know about his personality from childhood in "fishes" (anxious growing up, arts-oriented, had a hard time making friends). now, he works a violently stressful job, processing the trauma from both his mother (and chef fields [joel mchale], realistically) through the high-stress environment.
NOW. ENTER CLAIRE.
HOW is she not fascinating to you all. we don't see her whole story (because the bear, duh) but we are given just enough pieces here to put together that her story runs parallel to carmy's. how are you not getting this. walk with me.
claire. glasses, nerdy, quiet, sweet, girl next door. family friend! cute, but considered mid for a long time by everyone at school, but suddenly the berzatto men all badger carm, "oh she got a glow up, oh shes looking for you, she wants to see you," etc etc etc. what happened in between?
she finds herself. she finds the stressful thing she LOVES, which is the hospital. her job is objectively more stressful than carmy's (illustrated by that scene earlier in the season but i forgot the episode, where claire talks about the girl who got her shit wrecked by the glass table), and while we don't have an exact understanding of what her home life was like, we understand that her and carmy both have a level of internal anxiety that thrives on the stress of their careers. HOWEVER, claire does it because she loves it. carmy just doesn't know how to stop.
this is what makes claire feel like "peace" to carmy——because her high-stress job is a choice, an active choice she is making because it fulfills her. it's not to prove her dead brother wrong, or to honor his own legacy, or to prove that dickbag boss wrong, or to leave a mark on the world, or to make her own life worthwhile, or to prove that she doesn't need anyone else. she genuinely enjoys helping people even when the days are stressful, or scary. he's obsessed with this. he wants to know how she does this. every day she leaves that stress at home——and he wants to learn how to do that too.
claire is VITAL to this season and to understanding carmy's stress——and how far back he is in his healing process. it should only become more and more apparent, as we see characters like tina (the beef/the bear became vital to her success/development as a chef AND person, both for the people AND her love of food), marcus (not hiding his grief, but using it to help rationalize how much his mother loved him and wanted to be surrounded by people that love him), and richie (finding a purpose through service/expo and understanding he can start over again) push through their own traumas and struggles to become better people. if donna can be not only present at sugar's bedside during labor, but WELCOMED at this point in the show, it makes carmy's inability to heal all the more present. claire is an important part of this puzzle: she helps us see a window into a world where carmy is balanced emotionally, but unbalanced professionally, because he has no idea how to make the two coexist.
however, the idea that he can be balanced emotionally at all is so fucking enticing——with the help of someone who experiences stress in the same way as him (and who is familiar with his familial trauma), he has the opportunity to grow up and move on from his family trauma and wounds perpetuated by the industry he works in.
on the flip side of this....... his inability to process any of this is starting to impact syd. and frankly, that's some bullshit. his lack of communication, inability to community build/trust ANYONE, and his violent stubbornness is pushing her into the same space that he was in under chef fields, in a much slower, more subtle manner, and for slightly different reasons. her panic attack at the end of the season could read in two directions to me: her stress over the responsibility of changing so many people's lives has boiled over once she remembered that the beef once was truly great (hey five star review on the fridge!), OR, she realizes how much she isn't in it for the food. fuck a Michelin star: she wants to cook with her family. chef terry says at the end of "forever", in the garage with carmy, that she's so grateful she got to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, where she wanted, with the people she wanted to do it with. sydney is so close to having those things at the bear——but carmy's dysfunction is keeping it just out of arms reach. the two of them are now on opposite sides of the approach from last season: syd dying for a star, and carmy dying to cook for the woman he loved. now, carmy is hungy for recognition again, desperate to prove something, and sydney is remembering (thanks to the conversation with other chefs during the ever funeral service) why she loved cooking in the first place. so this leaves us to wonder: should she stick it out? for the people? or make something of herself? is she carmy, or is she terry? i guess we will just have to see.
all this to say: every character is connected. the bear is a show about family, found and blood, and the choices we make for, with, and because of the people we love, for better or for worse. food is only the center of it, because it's the center of all of our lives. you can't hate claire without understanding where she sits in the web of the berzatto family. and really, you can't hate her if you understand what her presence means for carmy, for syd, and the restaurant as a whole.
#the bear#the bear season 3#the bear fx#the bear hulu#the bear meta#carmy berzatto#sydney adamu#claire the bear#the bear s3#the bear spoilers#the bear s3 spoilers#the bear season 3 spoilers#the bear season 3 meta#the bear analysis#eenposting#sorry.... feeling very passionately about this show#im not sure why this season felt like a stretch from the past two seasons#i didnt feel that way at all.... felt like a natural progression of the thing weve been given. some of them are healing and some of them ar#NOT. some of them very much are not. but all we can do is watch#thats always been the beauty of the bear. all we can fucking do is watch. and theyre all just gonna duke it out cus the family is CRAZY#i need some other friends to finish this shit so i can do real textual analysis because i ahve a lot of feelings about the metaphors and#imagery and symbolism and stuff from this season. this seaon was really really good to me and it felt like one huge movie#SO cinematic and SO good and visually so gorgeous and it sucks that theyre moving in a more cinematic direction and ppl hate it#LAME! LAME BITCH#THIS IS SOOO THE EXACT SAME SHOW AS ITS ALWAYS BEEN. THEY FINALLY JUST HAVE MONEY#i do wish we got more kitchen stuff but i understand we are growing out of the kitchen stuff as carmy gets more and more uncomfortable#in the industry#AND LIKE I SAID#THE KITCHEN AND FOOD WAS ALWAYS JUST THE FUCKING STAGE FOR THIS ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT FAMILY MELODRAMA#LIKE WHAT????? YOU ALL KNEW THAT RIGHT....... THIS SHOW ISNT REALLY ABOUT A KITCHEN OR FOOD OR CULINARY ARTS AT ALL
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hike in oasis springs
#paolo rocca#knox greenburg#the sims 4 townies#ts4 townies#the sims 4#fanart#paolox#je suis fatigue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#eee im so emo abt them im gonna ramble but#i draw them being party rats mostly but it balances perfectly w knox's outdoor activities.....#to me they're extreme guys. theyll get wasted on parties one day#and theyll improvise a 3 days escapade in nature or wherever right after#so yea. MY ENGLISH IS AWFUL IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN#anyhow. “will you go hiking with me” is the most romantic thing knox asked paolo so far. so far#(even tho stuff happened between them but its strictly within bro code so it doesn't count apparently.)#SIGH....AND THEYRE NOT EVEN BOYFRIENDS.........#theyll get there eventually. im cheering on them (i hate them)#theyre doing things to my head thats not. FUNNY#they foucked during that hike btw not that anyone cares#wow heehee i said too much here.
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im curious to see how we'll see how we feel about takehiro and the others' new designs when they're fully revealed but it did get me thinking about how i would design his outfit. unfortunately i realized very quickly that i would just put him in my own fashion style: department-store-clearance-core
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#kurono takehiro#vocal synth#voicevox#no id rn because i havent figured out how to translate all this to alt text yet... gimme a bit to think on it orz#BUT yeah like. well im sure their new designs will be fine. but one thing that did stand out to me. is that i do not like muscle tees LOL#and i guess it snowballed. i like fitted tank tops. and loose 90s moe tank tops. but not muscle tanks. turtlenecks are fine.#but you know maybe my walmart clearance fashion sense works for him. i always liked that he kind of dresses like some fucking guy#like his blazer is pretty slick but the rest of him is just a guy in jeans and a t shirt. and i love that#like akashi dresses like my grandpa with better colour sense. kotarou dresses like a pokemon trainer? sourin has his like#traditional modern stylish thing going on. and the mysterious fur strip glued on the back <3 and aoyama dresses lowkey kinda hypebeast#streetwear esque. but takehiro? thats literally just some dude <3 <3 <3 i do worry his new design will make him tooo trendy looking#BUT im intrigued. i think they said they're hoping to do multiple designs by a bunch of people? which i hope they can#the original designs had a very. moe? appeal. a distinct sort of cuteness and squishiness without being toothrottingly so#that might be missing from some newer designs but if we have a whole variety we can have like#a zola project situation at least. like we have the stylistic amano art all the way to the v6 glossy designs#a whole variety would be nice. but i am worried about ryuuseis hair the most lowkey. what are we gonna do without his huge bizarre fauxhawk#BUT maybe i should throw my hat in the ring.... really push myself to make more fan designs and outfits for all these characters i like#maybe i'll be able to draw something thats not just zhers clearance clothes. maybe i'll step up to gap clearance clothes. even winners??
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so I work two jobs, at an auto parts store and a cafe and I've noticed that people at the parts place think im a dude and the cafe customers assume im a girl its so interesting to see
#i had someone at the car place refer to me saying 'he- she- uhh sorry idk what to call you'#im pretty sure i just said 'pick one' which must have confused her so bad 💀#i appreciate you pronouns lady#also something interesting im seeing is that people respect me more at the parts store when they think im a guy#also its fun when people call me buddy hehe idk if thats just an appalachia thing but its like#what older people say to younger people#idk how old i look to people who think im a guy lmao but i guess they think im a teenager#i do have teenager voice syndrome right now unfortunately 💀#omg its so funny (uh and a little scary) when customers refer to me as 'he' to my coworkers and theyre confused 😅#theyre all rural conservatives so im a little spooked at whats gonna happen when i come back to work after being away for 3 months#cause hopefully ill be more clearly masculine#they havent asked me about it and im not telling them lmao#im the only 'girl' there right now 💀 oops#actually customers call me 'the female' 🙃 LOL#i stay silly tho#i look forward to every tuesday bc thats when i give myself my T shot :)#i have to go get bloodwork done soon oh no#for my hormone levels#if u read this far ily its nice to know youre interested in my rambling#i reduced my dose of anxiety/depression/general mood stabilizer med and i regret it so hard rn ive been SO anxious#pray for me#ok life story over bye#have a nice day#drink some water#mine
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im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless ��� like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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hi. for people who saw gatsby: an american myth. do you remember mckee asking nick for lunch. and then gatsby in like the next scene inviting nick for lunch. because i remember.
#not pjo#chitter chatter#when gatsby was like 'we should do lunch' i was like. hello. fucking. hello. are we. hello.#gatsby really said we just met literally 5 minutes ago. come meet my father figure. normal normal thing to do jay.#to be clear gatsby also asks him to go to lunch in the book. but like. there's a time skip. and also#in the show after mckee asks they immediately start making out on the couch. none of this ... nonsense#so the vibes are a LITTLE different in my brain.#i saw a few people say they didnt think gatsby and nick flirted enough and like while i do think that think part of it is we're#in nick's pov but not his HEAD#he DOES start singing about gatsby's smile for no reason until jordon is like. alright buddy. lets talk about daisy.#like nick was just Doing That. pull it together carraway.#but i got the vibe (JUST my take) that gatsby was like. kinda into nick. zero reason to be leaning into his space like that sir.#however when he actually MET daisy again he became kinda singularly focused on her again#i mean he built his whole lifeup to this moment#he says it at the end. he murdered pieces of himself to bring himself here. for DAISY.#him snapping back to daisy mode makes sense to me but he still reaches out for nick as a comfort in the sense that hes like#nick do NOT leave please stay with us. daisy does the same. and ofc part is that theyre really. fucking awkward. but like.#LET ME HAVE MY OWN NONSENSE INTERPRETATIONS. HES TRAPPED BY WHITENESS AND CLASS AND HETEROSEXUALITY.#hes already so much of an outsider trying to fit in. (i also think he loves daisy or an ideal at least. and she's EASIER to love. safer.)#nick inherently has more freedom even as a gay man in the sense that hes richer and white and an ivy league dude i mean you understand righ#right????????#even if its in the book i do wanna point out the parallels between those moments. im choosing to see it as deeply intentional <3#this show had a lot of repetition and parallels (see daisy and myrtle in a lot of songs and scenes)#(one i LOVE is tom giving myrtle a necklace and daisy later giving TOM her necklace in case he sees anyone he knows. idk love that shit)#im...gonna queue this#im embarrassed to talk about this show so much. so. into the queue it goes!!!#all the worlds a stage#so like. anyway. thats where i think nick's mind immediately went when gastsby asked him for lunch. personal headcanon <3#gatsby after one convo: we're doing lunch // me and nick immediately: oh ok! guess that's a date then!
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I slept for 20 hours 😭😭😭 what is wrong with my fucking body man
I mean I know it's cfs/me, and fibro, working at 4am, and poor diet but come on man 😩
#i didnt even take a gummy or anything i just took a nap at 2pm and didn't fully wake up until 10am#like i got up a couple times to pee and take my meds but <30 min each time i was awake#marquilla#im still so fucking tired too which sucks but i want to try to stay awake so i can at least eat two actual meals instead of yesterday's one#which was cherrios before work then i ate 3 lofthouse sugar cookies between 12pm-2pm and then just... slept like dead dead asleep#i actually was gonna make a salad before i napped but i was just so so tired my body said no sgdggdgd and when i eat salads as a meal i eat#salad as a MEAL like 3 salad bowl size portions in one big b#serving bowl and add dressing cheese and croutons and mix it all up#rc was telling our coworker friend that the other day bc he had seen i got 2 BIG dole salads (less work than the organic salads i used to#get. less nutritious but adhd tax approved) and he was like thats not healthy!! like bitch it's vegetables. it's SALAD#the dressing and croutons dont take away from the nutrition (no matter how much/little) that the veggies have#like the serving size is not normal but like wouldnt you rather me eat that much salad than like a whole bag of lays chips?#anyway anyway im tired of being tired and my being tired hinders me from doing things that would make me better (exercise makes me feel#worse. need energy to cook. need energy to feel healthy) so im just.. stuck#im sure this is a flare bc i kinda fluctuate between months where i need a nap daily and sleep a lot and then ill feel better for a few#months- a year then it repeats. progress isnt linear ect ect
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#tw vent#ew yucky vent lmaoo#Love waking up in the morning to my dad#drunk#being accused of things making cry 5 times and hyperventilating when he hells at me for#crying#and saying should be grateful I have a dad#also love how he admitted to me he was shit#i defended him#he told me to stop and he could tell i was lying and that i hate him ( i dont) then later hes said the same thing#(didnt defend him that time) and he got super mad at me for not defending him and called me a bad daughter#he told me he could change if he wanted to but he doesn’t think there's anything to change#he's literally such a narcissistic it's insane#that day was wild#cried 6 times had a panic attack and relapsed after month crazy ass day#what do you mean you could've took me away to Albania without my mother and raised me like a Hitler but you didn’t because you're a good da#he was fine the next day though so idek i feel like i can't complain i feel like such a baby#he's like all you need to raise kids with is love i don't do anything for you guys (me and my brother) i don't know anything about you guys#but i loved you and look how you turned out! (my mother's doing love her shes the best) but also like saying u love me and then yelling at#me and mot caring about my life or putting in effort for me has given me a fucked up idea of what love is#and i also have no idea how to differentiate a good person and a bad person#so thats great lmaoo#i have hope though my mom is amazing a he's not that bad tbh he's gonna give me a really messed up view of trust ik cause i already have it#but it's okay lol I'll fix it all and it'll all be fine I'm still young and optimistic#forgot this also not to shit talk but why are you threatening your daughter if she breaks up you and your girlfriend?? when shes hasn't#done anything to indicate that she wants that in any way? why is it my job to save the relationship you messed up 💀#anyway bye lol peace :3
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Every day I am reminded that 90% of my problems would be solved if I actually listened to my intuition like ever
#my intuition: 'thats stupid. dont do that'#me: hm.. anyway ! :D#literally it does not register.. 😒#ok so what i did that was embarrassingly stupid.... ugh ok.. eh..#its like genuinely genuinely stupid ok like actually#ugh#ok so im making a new passport and i assumed that since the old one is old i didnt need it anymore#and so i cut out the cute little picture of myself for my travel journal and threw the rest of the passport away#meanwhile thinking: hmm. well this doesn't feel right but google said it was fine so i guess its fine. anyway look at that cute picture :D#and now i realise that the police need the old passport for when im taking out the new passport#so yes. embarrassingly stupid. there u go#i feel not great abt all this tbb. my brain has a tendency to overreact so now im convinced im not gonna be able to travel like i planned#plus im totally going to passport jail for idiots who cut up their own passport and throw them away#WHY LITERALLY WHY#i just wanted the cute little picture IM SORRY DONT TAKE ME TO JAIL 💔💔💔💔💔#no but actually i do feel very not great about this genuinely actually genuinely </3#the curse of scrapbooking i guess#is there a way i can tell the police im literally a neurodivergent (ex)minor ? and that this old passport thing is very offensive to me#anyhow.. yes its ok to laugh at my stupidity here but pls also remember im fragile 😢 💔 a poor little meow meow or something to that effect
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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