#so sorry if this sounds less that
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I can’t believe people would use a being that is a homage to the late Nintendo President, Satoru Iwata, as uwu-waifu bullshit.
So disrespectful.
I see where you're coming from, though I don't think that the way you are going about it is constructive or appropiate at all. Since you're on anon I can't say for sure if you're like 10 or 30, but I'm not mad either way.
So yeah I wanna give an honest answer to this, if anyone else feels the same way and maybe wants to have a discussion (though the whole anon thing feels like talking to a wall) you can really just talk to me. Ngl I am incredibly emotional and quick to get defensive, but the beauty of messages on the internet is is that I can give myself time to calm down and be rational and process these emotions before I respond. So Anon I hope that once you've hopefully seen my response that if you still feel a certain type of way about it that you can maybe give me the same courtesy. I just think that there's enough hate to hate communication on the internet already and I'd honestly truly appreciate the effort.
To start of I think it's ignorant to say that how I choose to enjoy my favourite media is ''uwuw-waifu bullshit''. People enjoy different things in many different ways. The way I do it is no different from D&D. There is a world with lore and characters that i adore and I love it so much that I want to experience it through something I've made. Making a character for a franchise is connected to so much research on the source material, as careful as it was crafted I take the time to think of many different ways to integrate a whole new person that hypothetically could fit like a DLC or you know, my player character (sometime it is more indepth than other times, but I always do research one way or the other).
Being put into Links shoes is a predetermined lens which i can enjoy as it's own story, but to me, I like to be a part of it either with a straight insert or an otherwise character of my own making. A tale of legend and heroic deeds is but one perspective and I love to see in what different ways this story or world can be enjoyed and looked at. And i don't think that this is wrong or something to look down upon. Just as is romance within that world and other bonds and relationships one will create and connect to their creation. Like how I made the windfish my OC's Father.
It is so much more than you make it out to be and I have had so many people throuought my art journey come to me and grief because they were bullied for simply having an oc be romantic with a canon character or god forbid a selfinsert or mary sue (and most of them were children, though I was more sad about the adults who's passion was taken from them before they could fully explore it). It is makebelief and hurts no one just because these people decided to share these scenarios with other people. I hope that in the future you can be less dismissive about that. I think it's important that we take the time to be kind, even if there's something we might disagree with and want to debate.
Now to the main point. To put it simply I think a character is allowed to be it's own entity regardless of intent, if ofcourse the intent isn't explicitly stated. (Like for example when they literally have Barack obama as a character in South park etc. Then that's not a refrence but a depicition) Which in this case it isn't actually. While researching what came up was filled with ''maybe'', ''possibly'', ''probably'' etc. More importantly though the game itself never states it and a game and franchise should always be able to be judged on it's contents alone wihtout outside remarks people may or may not have made.
Then there's also another character within the game. Botrick. His wiki also eludes to the fact that he might be a homage to Satoru. Wikis however are all written by fans and we can all just speculate even if the probability is very likely. The difference however is that Botrick shares a similar appearance with Satoru while the lord of the mountain has a similar name and I think both are tributes in their own right. Though Botrick may be a physical reference while Satori is a sort of spiritual tribute to him as a mentor and guardian figure. But it's still it's own character. Both of these characters aren't Satoru, the same as how actors aren't synonymous with the characters they play.
Also what if someone doesn't do deep dives into wikis and articles and forums? What if someone simply plays the game, enjoys it and make characters, contents AU's for it? What if had only read the genral wiki and not scrolled down to the trivia section where people first brought up it might be a tribute? I don't think that it should be neccessary to first get a bachelors degree in order to enjoy a game in fear of missing a detail that although never mentioned in the game was once maybe hinted at by someone. It feels like a roundabout and tiring way to enjoy a medium. And you should give people a fair chance and not come at them so aggressively, even if you're emotionally charged.
Having said all that, I was actually hesitant to make this idea I had using Satori for the same reason haha. Since I generally don't like characters that are meant to be real life people ( the same I don't like to ship with characters that are in canon relationships (hence i dropped Sidon UU ). With Satori however I felt it's removed enough that it's not an issue for me as explained above.
But I'm not opposed to the idea of changing a few things up! Names are changed in the blink of an eye and i am not uncreative enough to be incabalbe of thinking of different ways to incorporate my design into the lore. I could make it a blupee instead, or a descendant, or otherwise further removed entity with close ties to Satori. (My OC Dreem was close to being something like that before I thought of the windfish!) I simply adore these nature god archetypes like the forest god in princess mononoke and since in it's lore Satori was a sage before that died the idea of a humanoid version wasn't too far off for me.
So yeah, tell me what you think, I'm open for discussion and how other people see it as long as you give me the same courtesy and time that I did to formulate an appropiate response! I hope that we can all be kind to eachother and I wish you all a wonderful day!
#i actually wrote a different and longer answer#more detailed but it broke on me#it was so much omg I cry it was so good and nicely phrased#so sorry if this sounds less that#I wanted to answer and there's a lot that needed to be brought up#but like#it already took me hours the first time :')
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“Your mom” gone wrong. Not the right person.
this is lowkey so unserious don't kill me. it's a reference to all that stuff about his mother that I am seeing.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel art#hazbin alastor#alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#dad beat dad#appleradio#lucifer hazbin hotel#fanart#also on tiktok it has this freaky sound in the background so it's more sad and less threatening#it's funny seeing how differently people react#thye're all crying over there#i am so sorry tiktokers !! ..
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Missed drawing these two too
Bonuses
#rendoc#still thinking about them a lot#always#hermitshipping#sorry for the weird empty area in the first one. It was my attempt to make it take up less of people's timelines#this art is so embarrassing lol but man I like when Doc's drawn as a big goat man I have no defense I plead the fifth#or well at least it becomes embarrassing when its. shippy#whatever Tumblr people are usually cool so here goes!!#I am 99% a fluff and hurt/comfort person. Idc how frisky these guys get in fanon all I can ever think of is fluff sorry#Also contemplated implementing Doc's accent into the dialogue but I am forever paranoid of offending someone lol#idk how to write accents etc but you guys will make it sound fine in your heads I'm sure#hermitblr#tubby art
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#detroit become human#amanda stern#amanda blease.... chill .... you deserve it....#i imagine this as like FINALLY connor deviated and i can get some peace and quiet and not constantly having to dish out approval#honestly when someone says theres a fate worse than death its being turned into ai in someones head#to approve or disapprove of everything like that sounds awful im so sorry that happened to you amanda#i tried giving her the sunny yellow (since she DOES have a yellow outfit) but#incorporating lots of blue bc thats the good color ? but also the roses bc yeah yeah you know#but specifically blue roses which arent supposed to happen naturally just like AMANDA CHILLING OUT#i put a lot of thought into this and its less doodley than i was planning but#hope you appreciate it anyway#almost drew her with a drink and a lil umbrella in said drink bc i like how she has a parasol ... but i thought#that would be a bit too much lmao
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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#rowlet#welcome to the seventh generation. the things i do for you all. i just had to learn the structure of the code of collada files#so that i could stop making these bitches too shiny to see their eyes so that i could continue doing this#because i am a developer and not a 3d modeler#so it's easier for me to edit the code than it is for me to learn how to use fuckin blender#so i'm probably gonna write up a little script in python to Un-Shinify any models that i get to make it easier for me#but anyway! now that that's out of the way. this is probably one of my least favorite starters#just being honest. i like popplio a LOT and litten more than this at least#it's not that i dislike it‚ i just find that it's a little……… less. than the other two starters of this region#it's still cute and i like the sounds it makes. it is definitely a circle#and like that's awesome. but i like litten and popplio more :/ sorry to that one anon who hated all the water starters but also not sorry#they killed me like twenty billion times so i'm gonna like whatever water starters i want
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Hello :D
You're so cool
Anyway have you thought that in your rat sons au Splinter might outlive the boys?
You're very cool :D love your stuff dude
(tw for some blood, light gore, implied overdose (kinda??))
hi copper!!! this is a fantastic question!
so obviously typical irl rats have far shorter lifespans than the average irl tortoise. according to google (yes, be awed by my spectacularly in-depth wealth of research) the average pet rat lives between 2-4 years ish, and the oldest on record lived to be about 7. meanwhile, an African spurred tortoise (Splinter's species) averages more around a 50ish year lifespan in captivity, tho is suspected to possibly exceed 75 or more in the wild.
Now, the mutation does give us a lot of wiggle room for playing with these numbers. For the rat sons boys, id say their natural lifespan probably clocks in at about 45-55 years old? definitely not old by human standards, but not young young either. (though, its also important to note that the boys were exposed to the mutagen just days after being born.)
For Splinter, meanwhile, aging is slightly more complicated. He lived the vast majority of his life as a regular normal African spurred tortoise (well, non-mutated at least. there were perhaps some shenanigans of a more mystical variety going on before he was mutated, but thats a separate matter) He was about 70ish i think? when the boys were born and they were all exposed to the mutagen. so he is already distinctly an old man turtle papa. id guess he'd probably still have another eh lets say 25-30 years after his mutation. he could probably push it a little farther even with some mystic nonsense, but when push comes to shove id say his 'natural' post-mutation lifespan would put his death like a solid decade or two before his sons.
of course, the tricky part of the matter is that theres no way for Splinter to know any of this. theres no way for him to know how the mutation affected them all, or if it even affected them all in the same way. especially since the boys dont show many physical signs of mutation for the first few years, and just kinda look like normal rats, (albeit with a more human sort of intelligence) — what sort of health standard do you hold them to? what if they simply dont show external signs of sickness or old age anymore? how do you actually know if something is wrong?
for a while there Splinter is very worried that one of his babies will just essentially reach the end of their normal rat lifespan, fall and not get up again.
so mostly, he just tries to live in the moment, enjoying whatever time he does have with his little ones, taking each day as a gift <3
still,
that fear
never
really
goes
away.....
#cue the 2003 tmnt dramatic Shredder sound effect TM#my art#rat sons#tmnt au#ask reply#TOOK ME A FULL MONTH TO ANSWER AND IM STILL NOT SUPER PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS BUT#also apologies if shits incohierent im v sick rn#but thank you so much for the question copper!!#a parents grief and terror at the thought of outliving their children#always gets me#and boy howdy these rat babies do Not make that shit easy for ol Splinter#all of them have brushed too close to death too many times#tbh thats probably why he started teaching them ninjutsu etc#like yeah yeah discpline and routine and practice all excellent lessons#but also#yall squishy babies and ur father is Stressed please learn to fight good so its one less thing he has to worry about#sorry splints theyre hamatos now theyre destined for danger#cw blood#cw gore
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so i've been thinking about this premise for so long but it wasn't working for obikin (which of course i took as a challenge) and i think i finally got it where i want it so
au where 35 yo obi-wan is a music sensation across the world but he's recently divorced and going on tour again after releasing a very cutting, personal, and well-received album
and 19 yo anakin joins his tour with his very small band of two other people (ahsoka, padmé) to be his opening act - they have a small but loyal following, a pretty big social media presence, and there are even people who ship anakin and padmé which you know means these are die-hard fans
anakin has definitely looked up to obi-wan and his music for a good portion of his life and he's like. beyond excited that he's going to tour with The Obi-Wan Kenobi - this is big, not just for his music career but also for himself and the little boy he was listening to obi-wan's music for the first time!!
i'm just imagining like....obi-wan and anakin meeting after a few days of rehearsal for opening night, and it's not the most auspicious start because obi-wan's going through like 20 different emotions at any given moment (he's on tour, he's divorced, he's tired, he loves the music, he can't be the person he was in his twenties when he was first on tour but that's a whole different matter, he has all the media training and charismatic instinct to cover up these less than savory emotions with flirtatious empty words) and anakin is just like. sorta starstruck sorta shy sorta eager sorta awkward so:
"i'm uh, i'm a singer it's nice to meet you. hi yeah. hello. i'm on tour. as well. with you. actually." "ah no, are you one of my backing vocal artists? we can't have that - you're much too gorgeous and my ego is much too dependent on the audience focusing on me." "um 😳"
so it's a relationship that begins with a lot of flirting and being flustered and progresses through moments of vulnerability and honest emotion which turns into mutual affection which turns into anakin's celebrity crush becoming very real....meanwhile obi-wan googled anakin and the opening band after the first show/introduction and finds all the stuff about him and padmé being together and that's. that's fine. young love. how sweet. any sort of disappointment obi-wan feels is because he's recently divorced and bitter about it and he's going to have to spend at least half his tour watching the lovebirds snuggling up together.
and even when all the misunderstandings about relationship statuses have been addressed and the pretense has fallen away to leave just attraction, both have to think about their careers - it's all well and good for obi-wan to date someone sixteen years his junior, post divorce, but that's an image he's never wanted to deal with or be associated with. and this is the biggest shot of anakin's career - his best chance to make it in the music industry. in the words of his bandmate, is he really, honestly thinking about risking it for a chance to sleep with The Obi-Wan Kenobi?
but what his bandmate doesn't seem to really understand is that for anakin, obi-wan hasn't been The Obi-Wan Kenobi in a long time. he's just been obi-wan. and that makes a world of difference.
#kit's silly lil aus#obikin#my social media algorithm pulled me into music-tok but make it instagram reels lol#and then i watched the grammys last night#so i was like fine lets come back to this and figure out what's missing#so i know it basically sounds like what if firefighter au obi-wan was a little more jaded and less flirty#coupled with what if band au anakin opened for firefighter au obi-wan#but i'm seeing different nuances for the characters so i feel comfortable making this its own post#like. what if you met the person you were going to love forever at somehow#both the best time in the world for your career#and the worst time in the world for your personal life#etc etc#sorry for the long post i hope you can tell this is all i thought about on a 5k run today lol
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Hi! I don't know if you've done this already but will you do dialogue prompts for close friends who start having feelings for each other? Thanks!
List of “so like… I’ve got the feels for you. now what?” prompts
“This song reminds me of you.” “…It’s a love song.” “Yeah, exactly.”
“I think I might need to be hospitalised for possible heart abnormalities, or possibly cardiac arrest.” “What, why? Are you okay? You look okay—” “No, because my heart keeps beating the fuck out of my chest when I’m around you and I don’t know what kind of disease I’ve come down with and frankly, I’m really scared.”
“You’re looking a lil’ different these days.” “Different how?” “I don’t know, I just… You look less shitty?” “…Wow. Thanks a bunch, that’s greatly appreciated.” “No, I didn’t mean it that way, damn it— I’m not the best with dishing out compliments.”
“Is it just me or are things a little awkward between us lately?” “What do you mean, nothing’s awkward between us. Like, at all! We’re, like, super cool buddies. What could be awkward about that?” “Everything about that was awkward.”
“Is it weird that I’ve been wanting to hold your hand lately or…?”
“Someone’s been slipping notes into my locker and they’re so, so sweet and I wish I knew who has been doing this.” “Oh, yeah? That’s… That’s very nice of them.” “Their handwriting’s a little suspicious, though. Familiar, you know? They look kind of like yours.” “…Oh. Well, uh… That can’t be.”
“Who do you like?” “…You know them very well.” “Usually that’s not a very good sign but with you? That’s… That’s a great sign. Is it me?”
“You asshole, you’ve stolen something of mine. What the hell? Who gave you the permission? The audacity.” “What did I steal?” “My heart, dumbass.”
“You know, on second thoughts… I… We could be pretty good together, I think. I don’t know. I could be wrong. Or I could be so fucking right that we end up getting married and I whisk you away into the sunset and to our foreverland. The choice is yours.”
“Okay, fuck, I’m not flirting for fun. This isn’t me being friendly, either. I’m flirting for real. I’m flirting to get cuffed. And frankly, I want to be cuffed by you.” “…Oh.”
#the asker probably wanted something fluffy and less stupid sounding but i don’t live to deliver apparently#so i’m sorry lmfao#prompt list title is inspired by twice’s “the feels”#go give it a listen! <3#this song has me DEAD everytime#i MISS THEM CAN THEY COME BACK TO SYDNEY#otp prompts#prompts#dialogue prompts#writing prompts#friends in love prompts#idiots in love#idiots in love prompts#fluff prompts#friends to lovers prompts#confession prompts#request
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"so, that was fun"
#YAHOO YIPPEE#i drew each of these in like 2 mins and i can do like 50 more the amount of energy i have rn is !!!!!!!!!!!!#GAH im not normal im so sorry#WHAT A GUY#sth#doodles#sonic frontiers spoilers#frontiers dlc spoilers#IM GONA RAMBLE ABOUT THE MUSIC HERE because idk where else to do it#the new im here version ??????? SO so good what did they put in this song !!!!!!!!!!!#specifically. it fits the new super form so well. it sounds more electronic and theres less focus on the traditional instruments in the bg#which is so cool!!!!!!!!!#but the bit that gets me is the new vocal line that plays in the instrumental part right near the end. the higher bit#THATS SO PRETTY . AND IT PLAYS RIGHT AT THE CLIMAX#then it fizzles out and ghhhh the visuals ...... ... .#sorry i cant focus on what im writing im still listening to the ost and the instrumentals on undefeatable are INSANE#the melodies you couldnt hear before are incredible. ill just stop here💥#but anyways. please talk to me about the dlc im ALWAYS up to talk about the dlc ok bye
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Hera, to Leto: I’d call you a cunt but you haven’t got the depth or the warmth.
#sorrie if u don't like this sorta language but when i heard it.. i knew it was her... my love#only she could make profanity sound so elegant and slick.. HERA NATION 💪❤️🦚#also i really feel like Leto may have been her biggest enemy. like apollo and artemis are always total bitches to hera#so yeah i think she's especially mean to Leto. good! i could care less about her 🙄#hera#leto#greek gods#greek mythology#incorrect greek gods#incorrect greek mythology#incorrect mythology#mythology#s: the boys (tv series)#queuetzalcoatl
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kitchen of witch hat vibes
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i have more stuff but this looks like a normal post someone normal would make#MR QIFRY SOUNDS SO GAY IN KITCHEN VOLUME 3. WHAT IN THE. every single word he says.#i'm sorry i scorned the translator because i thought orufrey was being made less gay. i still have Quibbles but im sorry.#sensei drew live orufrey in canada but i dont know that actually bc if i read about that i would feel so jealous i'd feel sick! thank god#(takarazuka talk->) REIKOUMI.......i have not thought of zuka for months bc i really drifted away due to reasons#and it was hard to feel the full emotion i should be feeling. :( mix of depression & witch hat atelier hyperfixation#that makes it physically impossible sometimes to access lain aside feelings that i really do feel#BUT...right at the end of the sayonara show with the long long held kiss and the music suddenly everything HIT and i started bawling#they were/are deeply deeply special. i will NEVER forget what they mean..i'll go on my personal reikoumi pilgrimage leading to tokyo raku..#i love takarazuka even if i love witch hat atelier <- Autistic affirmations
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this joke mightve worked better for dream drop distance in retrospect
#tbh i probably didnt think to do dream drop distance#because i avoid thinking about ddd at all whenever i can#anyways#sorry about the watermark i used tiktok to make it and didnt realize i couldnt save it without it#ig i have a tiktok now#i mean i had one i just didnt post there#but tbh i still forget to post on youtube so#should i make these links accessible? probably#will i? probably not#honestly im not even sure about using tiktok#but i will give it one (1) chance to not suck#but youre not getting anything unique over there#actually youre getting less than my youtube lmao bc i can only really post short videos on tiktok so theres none of my longer stuff#anyways thats it#if this doesnt upload again ill riot#doodles#kingdom hearts#sora#ansem sod#xemnas#xigbar#video#sound on
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]
#and then they're like ''ohhh they're mizrahi!'' [connotation nonwhite‚ virtuously indigenous]#and i have to be like. no. it's just that‚ as palestine was in fact ottoman-administered greater syria for most of the last 600 years‚#you could get there from other parts of the ottoman empire. such as the part of now-ukraine your ashkenazi family is also from.#it wasn't actually a hermetically sealed arab-only ethnostate that evaporated immigrants on sight. it was a pretty decent place to live as#a jew by at least some accounts. or better than the front of the hapsburg-ottoman war anyway which is where they were coming from.#i'm not sure who you think it's serving exactly to believe that there were literally no ashkenazim in the middle east before the 1st aliyah#however there were some. and this information does not actually threaten a modern anti-state of israel position like at all.#but since apparently you've constructed your new Diaspora-Centric Identity around the idea that 'palestine' and 'diaspora'#are the two mutually exclusive nonoverlapping regions and the former is ontologically a no-european-jews-allowed zone#i guess i can give you a minute to try to figure it out.#ugh sorry this is nothing it isn't anything. for one thing it's fantastically unimportant#and for another thing i don't know how to like talk about it in a way that doesn't make me sound at least kind of like im trying to justify#myself as being somehow less complicit or something. i mean i think my complicity as an american dwarfs the rest of it honestly but.#i just feel really insanely alienated where the rhetoric of my theoretically most closely politically aligned group is not really built to#like. accommodate the facts of my family history.#sorry. i have honestly no idea why im so obsessed with articulating this concept ive just been chewing on it pointlessly for days#box opener
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Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D
I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.
Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.
I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!
I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.
I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer
I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.
So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3
#I'm not leaving the fandom btw! Just realized it kinda sounds like I will but I won't!#Still got my fem versions and some animations to spice things up in case I feel less inclined to draw my resident skeles lol#To the people that reached out before this thank you SO much!!!#I know this is not gonna reach many people considering my leave but i deeply appreciate it<3#I wouldn't be surprised if people forgot why they even followed me in the first place with how long I've left this time Hhhh#There's some plans about commissions as well cause no matter how many times I fix this poor pc it keeps failing me lmao#And I wanna try my hand at it to feel less pressured and dependent on my academics :')#It's a scary thought and an even scarier process and idk if you guys will be interested? but that's for another post ig >:)c#muah muah ily all thanks for EVERYTHING cause I'd restart this blog all anew if I didn't have so many people that I'd miss around here >:'D#blah blah Yuri is back on her bs so get ready for some banger art!!#To any mutual reading this pleaaaase bear with me if I don't reblog your art immediately#cause I've been tagged on a few and I wanna give them five tags each at minimum and I don't know where to start HHH#If there's something specific you want me to see you're welcome to tag me In it but don't be discouraged I haven't gotten to it yet!#This is So long I'm genuinely sorry aughghg 😭
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