#so so sorry for all the rambling btw
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Redfall oc time :33
These are Ronan (he/her) and Parker (She/They).
Both grew up on Redfall, and they “can’t stand each other”. Their dislike of the other started as a petty rivalry on their soccer team and only grew from there. It’s only a little before things start going wrong that the two start to tolerate each other.
When vampires take over, Ronan gets turned into a vampire but, like Jason, he is not evil (but he is totally enjoying the cool perks of being able to float and teleport). Parker, on the other hand, gets sacrificed to the Hollow Man’s cult by her ex-bestie. In a weird turn of events, it goes wrong and the friend dies instead (I’m thinking maybe it got interrupted or.. something? Idk yet), making Parker the one “accepted” into the cult. They very loosely play along.
I haven’t figured out exactly how Ronan and Parker team up, but I am intrigued by the bloodkin cultists (wish we knew more about what that’s about). But anyway they do team up somehow, and start really playing up the whole “we’re evil we loooove vampires and uh… the hollow man. Oooooooo”, while actually trying to help the survivors and people at the fire station. I’m thinking they set up dead drops full of medicine and other necessary things for them to find.
That’s really all I have for now, but these two are constantly in my mind and I’m trying to work out their whole deal more and more.
Bonus picture of a vamp chilling on a street lamp (so I can justify putting this in the main Redfall tag sorry)
#Parker and Ronan are kinda like Bubblegum and Marceline. they eventually become girlfriends and stuff#also debating on changing Ronan’s name to Tatum. after the girl in scream. for funnies :)#*funsies not funnies#the only thing I haven’t included in this is that Parker loves to fish and Ronan likes to play guitar. they had the same fishing/music spot#which is why they started to tolerate each other!#but yeah that’s all u have on them so far. I made them in the sims too!!!#so so sorry for all the rambling btw#and also main tagging this..#I’ll draw some actual Redfall fanart soon cause I adore Layla and have been wanting to draw her sooo bad!!!#Redfall#my ocs#my art#Tig Talks#Parker#Ronan
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i hit 1k followers recently!!!! yipee!!!!!!! thank you all!!! so in celebration here’s all of my completed isat doodle pages, from oldest to newest. go nuts with them!! and maybe don’t look at the first doodle page too closely. it’s Old.
(no greyscale version below for once! just some mushy ramblings. you don’t have to read them don’t worry)
hhhhhha?? so many people. where did you come from. how did you all find me.
ok but seriously, thank you all so much for all the support. i never really. expected to make it this far? like, ever?? i’ve mentioned it a few times on here, but i’ve been a lurker for the past… 2 years, i think? and even before that, i never gained much traction outside of a couple posts. so this has been. very new to me!! in a nice way!! it’s weird to feel like an actual member of a community!! that people know about!
the idea of finally coming back to social media was Daunting (i literally got stress hives writing my first post lol) and the warm reception really. meant a lot?? i don’t think i would’ve ever gotten the courage to come back if i hadn’t been encouraged to by the people over at the isat discord!!
the fact that people actually care about my art still doesn’t feel real?? seeing people take inspiration from my art is just. surreal. just. auagssh. thank you all so so much for everything, i really do appreciate it!!! i’m really glad to be in this community. sorry if this all sounds sappy and long winded i’ve just got a lot of emotions about this whole thing!!
(also as a bonus for reading all this or whatever. here’s a concept page for isatscryption! it felt a little out of place next to my normal canvases so i’m putting it down here! yipee! sorry my notes here are so disjointed auauau…)
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isatscryption#not tagging this as isas since this is mostly unrelated#aaaa sorry for. rambling so long and stuff#i know this is tumblr and follower counts aren’t supposed to mean anything but. i still feel Emotions about it!!#i cant help it!!!#that first doodle page i made is from may btw! these actually line up pretty well with the months#i never got around to posting these because like. i already posted a lot of these drawings on their own? it felt weird#but this is a milestone!! so i can post them if i so desire#also. basically all of the drawings save a few on the first one give me Hives#you can tell i wasn’t used to drawing these designs…#anyways. i keep saying it but thank youall so much????#just. wauauaua.
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Y'ALL NEED TO SEE THIS PANEL
#Mobius will be the one to save him!#because he ended up very sad#But from what we saw on the series Mobius can push his feelings inside#maybe Deadpool can make him admit how much he misses loki??#LET ME DREAM#I still can't bear the hopelessness Tom Hiddleston left me with when he said that his journey as Loki had ended#YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT#ofc u can I'm just rambling I'm heartbroken and sad#btw someone on Quora answering a question about whether or not Asgard was linked to time or not used that panel#so I don't have the source of the specific comic I just know it's Thor I'm sorry#loki#lokius#loki x mobius#mobius m mobius#agent mobius#thor#thor comics#marvel cinematic universe#marvel loki#we all not it won't be Sylvie shedding that tear#loki season two#loki series#loki season 2
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every time i see someone say that (anime character) would only like white women an angel loses its wings why are we limiting drawings to eurocentric beauty standards let the drawing like latinas yall 💔 and poc in general lmfao stop limiting them !!! ur fucking weird !!!
#x reader#eren x reader#fyodor x reader#karl heisenberg x reader#toji x reader#jjk x reader#bsd x reader#self insert#sorry i didn’t know where to put these thoughts i needed to say this somewhere#fyodor would not like just white women stop saying that 💔#i am latino and all my faves love latinos bc i said so🇵🇷#your faves love you too no matter ur ethnicity btw#aot x reader#cherub rambles#anime x reader#multifandom
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Thinking about Disco Elysium and stars. Something about communal experience and simultaneous isolation, hope and idealism, fear and beauty and terror and burning. The inherent horror in the vast romantic starscape of the sky, the melancholy and loneliness inherent in the untold distance, a communal experience of something too enormous to fathom. Stars bear witness to humanity, to the millions of tiny people crawling on the face of Elysium. They watch the people, and the people watch back, and make up stories about the stars. Stars symbolise love, hope, something unreachable and unattainable.
The way that the light of the stars reaches every single being in Elysium, from human to phasmid, but no matter how far it reaches it is still a cold and distant glow, always on the verge of going out. A moral brilliance, a holy light to strive towards, something always at risk of burning out, but there's a dichotomy too. A duality between the stars as brutal unfeeling observers, moralists even, like the aerostatics flying overhead, tiny dying lights that watch impassively over every terrible thing in the world, and the flipside; stars as the burning kernels of hope, furious burning flames that parallel Harry and his golden-orange forest fire nature. Stars as the light of communism, the star-and-antlers. They're hope and dreams- a million years in the stars. Rockstars and superstars. The light of a brighter future (however short-term that future might be) coming towards them at the end of the tunnel. It makes me think of Sacred and Terrible Air and the light pollution in Vassa- ending light pollution as the world ends. "You may laugh at this, but in the evening, when the big world in the distance swells into a bloody maelstrom, families come out into the street in Vaasa and are insignificant together. Only distant explosions disturb the deep peace of the winter night, its flawless starry sky. Everyone watches, heads tilted back." The stars are a shared experience. Something that everyone watches, insignificant together, when there's nothing more that can be done. Light in the face of darkness, community in the face of inevitability. Togetherness. The stars are there in the church with the ravers. They're there watching Harry and Kim together. Insignificant together. In dark times, should the stars also go out?
#i'm collecting quotes for another thing and i just like all of these together idk#disco elysium#de rambling#my brain is so full of cotton wool rn so sorry if this is. garbled sddjjdsk#long post#i am really sorry for the incessant longposts#sacred and terrible air spoilers#pjõl spoilers#i guess? also very much oversimplifying there#i just. idk. i have feelings about that bit#it's the team ibex translation btw#stars manage to encapsulate both moralism and communism lol- inaction+distant observation versus fire and passion and feeling
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"I adore you // love you too baby" YOU COOKED SO GOOD ACTUALLY, love the characterization details in ur works!!
HEY ANON LOL DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY??? DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME CRYING MY EYES OUT?!?!
but hm hi. 🤚 hello thank you for speaking about that hello hiiii 🤚 can I talk for a second about it pls 🤚
about endo never truly learning the idea of being lowkey about anything. about him being intense in every aspect of his life, about loving and being infatuated so deeply by everything he even dares to care about.
about how being in a secret relationship would hold him back so much. and he'd be pissed about it but he would understand it so well because he doesn't want to give up on fighting and also he doesn't want to give up on you. so it's whatever, he will try it. for the sake of having fun without hurting what you have, he will try it.
I wrote that part specifically by the idea of his s/o being aware of who the relationship is with. you gotta know that he adores the ground you walk, that he's obsessed with being around you, just like he's with other things, and that just means he loves you. its kinda fucked up. but when he says those stuff you can only hear "I love you" and honestly, takes a while to get used to it, but what else can you ask?
it's about the idea of helping him through it too, you know? constant reminder that when the infatuation is gone, there's still love. when the fights aren't fun or when shit happens, things get messy, there's still your love. :)
#highest of all compliments for my writing i will literally cry#anon im so sorry for using your ask to gush about this i was thinking abt it and i didnt know how to post#come back pls i hope you dont mind ilu this was honestly so sweet. im kinda here trying to repay the compliment hope its okay LOL#DO I TAG THIS!?!?!?? IDK im just rambling but i guess i put some effort into thinking it all day so#yamato endo x reader#yamato endo x you#wind breaker x reader#e.txt#mine#inbox.txt#im about to start writing mini series of smaus abt my thoughts abt this man#this is not fun (its i love it)#thats how i see him btw hii 🤚 he's obsessed with you#that doesnt mean he will always be loving but its always abt u :)))
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You asked and ye shall receive. Aria,why do you use birds to symbolize Abigale's inner turmoil?. Besides the obvious surname thing. Also you apparently have more thoughts on the Muse art? 👀,explain?.
So obviously yeah, “Blackwing” is such a bird surname. BUT THATS ONLY THE SURFACE!
Birds are so often used as symbols of freedom, creatures untethered by laws of the land due to their ability to fly. In the same way, I imagine Abigale as being similar; free, not having to abide by the laws of her land as much as others did. In order to explain I think I have to dive into my version of Abigale’s backstory a bit…
(Warning: I’m going off what I know about 1800-1900s American Society. I’m no historian, but I’ve tried to keep things as believable as possible. I will say I’m pretty confident in that believability thanks to my feminist history class I been taking this semester.)
Born in the early 1880s, the Blackwing family was wealthy, yet fairly unknown. Calling it a “family” before Abigale’s birth would be a stretch in many’s opinion, being made up of just Mr. Atticus Blackwing and Mrs. Chastity Blackwing. Chastity tragically passed in childbirth, leaving Atticus to raise Abigale all on his own. He became fiercely protective and supportive of the young Abigale, a tiny spitting image of his late wife.
Abigale was always an insatiably curious child. At first, Atticus tried to teach her how to be a lady, to be domestic, to cook and clean and dote on her future husband, but quickly realized he was woefully unequipped for teaching a subject he knew nothing about. What’s more: Abigale HATED her womanly lessons. Instead, Atticus decided to let her learn something she actually was interested in; inventing.
Abigale loved to tinker, to create. The mechanical was a fascination of hers from the moment she saw it. Atticus as an architect had some mechanical knowledge, but not to the level Abigale’s insatiable desire to learn needed. But what engineering school would allow a woman in? At this point in the late 1800s, women were nearly always snubbed in inventing spaces, most universities not even offering engineering degrees for female students.
And so, Abigale’s “twin brother” Abraham Blackwing was created. A pseudonym for Abigale, under which she would don Atticus’s old clothes from his boyhood and attend a prestigious engineering school. Her father even falsified documents like Abraham’s birth certificate to make him appear like a legitimate person. It was risky, as crossdressing was a punishable offense by law back then, but Abigale was willing to take that risk if it meant she could learn.
Between her rich father supporting her every decision and passion, and her alter-ego, Abraham, to fall back on, Abigale had a lot of freedom growing up. When her father died of an illness just before she graduated, he left “Abraham” everything, which of course meant that Abigale could “live with her brother” and hold a bank account under his name. She was truly given every opportunity for freedom, more than any woman of her time.
And then, Bill Cipher enters her life.
She’s plagued by the triangular demon ip every night in her dreams, but she refuses to succumb to the shape’s demands. As tempting as building a machine like an inter-dimensional portal was, she knew better than to trust a man who wouldn’t explain his motives. When Abigale asked why Bill wanted this portal built, he couldn’t give her a straight answer, and that was enough proof to know he was no good.
After weeks of restless nights and aggravation, Abigale finds a peculiar ad in the paper, written by a certain Thurburt Mudget Waxstaff III…
On some level, she has to thank Bill for entering her life as much as she has to curse him for it. If he had never decided to torment her specifically, she never would have met the rest of the Anti-Cipher Society. Abigale THRIVED in the society, delighted in inventing new ways to ward off Cipher, collaborating with her dear Jessamine to create specialized weaponry, learning self defense from Horace, gossiping with O’Pimm, spending night after night explaining the mechanics of how her inventions worked to Thurburt so he could whip up a stellar sales pitch… she had never felt more alive! She was flying high, much like a bird on the wind.
And then the conference happened.
Thurburt was institutionalized, right then and there. Abigale watched the asylum workers from backstage with mounting horror. Worst case scenario for Thurburt, he’d be locked in a cell or sent out west at some work camp, but for Abigale? If the asylum workers got ahold of her, she knew they’d think her hysterical. Treatments for “insane” men were often much kinder than treatments for women in those times. Deeming Thurburt insane would send him to a locked cell, but he would at least be allowed to remain himself. Abigale had heard of women like her, eccentric unmarried women, “frivolous women” as they were often called, being scooped up by doctors and spat back onto the street with their entire personalities wiped. A hammer and a well placed nail up the inside of one’s nose could do heinous things. Abigale would sooner die then let them take what made her HER away.
So she ran. She tried to take Jessamine with her, but she refused to leave Thurburt. For six days Abigale hid in the society’s underground bunker, terrified of venturing outside, not knowing what happened to her companions besides Thurburt. She only ventured out on the seventh day because she had run out of food.
She couldn’t go back to her house, when she tried to scope it out, she saw the asylum workers already knocking at her door. She couldn’t stay in the bunker, it was only a matter of time before it was found. She was desperate for a way out, to keep herself free.
And here comes Mr. Northwest.
See, the thing about birds is that while they make excellent symbols of freedom, they also make excellent symbols of being trapped. Birds can be put into cages, forced to sing or speak for meager treats, and lets not forget that at that time most birdcages were anything but spacious and comfortable. Most captive birds of the time were expected to die quickly, only purchased in order to sing prettily for a short while before their tiny little hearts stopped beating. Birds are as much a symbol of freedom as they are of captivity, of being trapped, of the LOSS of freedom.
Abigale never wanted to be a wife, but what choice did she have? Mr. Northwest offered her a way out if she married him. Her choice was thus: escape the state with Mr. Northwest as her husband, or stay in town and eventually be found and promptly lobotomized, erased of any trace of her real personality.
She chose the former.
Better to live in a gilded cage, twittering for scraps, then to be gutted and stuffed on som taxidermist’s wall…
Right?
As for the muse stuff most of my trout process I already told you in the notes of the original piece lol
#also sorry to repost an old Abigale art piece but it’s perfect for this ask so ermmmmm…. Yeag#aria ramblings#aria asks#abigale blackwing#anti cipher society#anti-cipher society#gravity falls#tbob#gf#the book of bill#book of bill#fanfic#yeah this is fanfic now. I’m doing a fanfic. Yeah.#fanfiction#gravity falls fanfiction#gf fanfic#gravity falls headcanons#headcanon#tw animal death#<- for the bit about birds not living long in captivity in the 1800s-1900s#I mean litteral 1900s btw not 1980 or 70 or hell even 20s#like 1900s maybe 1910s#also if I’m being realistic abbey would more likely be given what’s called a ‘rest cure’ for her perceived hysteria rather than a lobotomy#BUT lobotomy is more dramatic so I’m choosing drama over accuracy.#btw the rest cure is when women were perscribed (and sometimes institutionalized and forced to) rest in bed all day and night w no stimuli#no reading or writing or working or talking to people. nothing. just sit in bed and rest#some women who were perscribed this rest cure in institutions would be bound to the bed and force fed milk products#there was a LOT of force feeding women in medicine back then actually. men too but not as much.#I know too much about late 19th-early 20th century female medicine Oopsies
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got bored, nekoma ship wheel + sexuality hcs (explanations under cut along with empty templates in case anyone wants them)
FUKUTORA TIER
This is self-explainatory. They're basically 90% of my account. If you go to the fukutora tag its just me talking to myself because no one else has posted in it since 2022
LOVE
Kuroken - I have specific opinions on Kuroken because I'm a fan of unrequited Kenhina in highschool. Don't get me wrong, I still like how most of the fandom portrays them, but I much prefer them getting together after the timeskip when everyone's settled into their new jobs. I also really like it queerplatonic, as much or even more than romantic.
Inushiba- Idk man they're just silly, no deeper reasoning. Funny guys doing funny things with a cute height difference
LIKE
Kuroyaku/Levyaku - Honestly I like these two about equally, i think they're both shitpost-able and that's my top priority for a ship. My gf likes Levyaku so i lean towards them but i've seen some good Kuroyaku art too so i can be won over. I'm a firm believer that Kuroo and Yaku were each other's first kiss
Fukutoraken - I think Kenma being a serial third-wheel is infinitely funnier but i dont mind it, as long as fukutora aren't separated i'm chilling. Kenma getting dragged along despite not being part of the relationship is my ideal for them tho, also i think Kenma being Tora's unwilling wingman/the recipient of his sexuality crisis rambles is hillarious
Anything else i'm neutral on or haven't heard of
#i only included the stuff i've seen so if I left out some rarepair that you're obsessed with feel free to preach it to me#my ears are opened to most dynamics expect any ship that separates fukutora because they're my everything#thinking about them with anyone but each other makes me an evil bitter person i'm sorry#aside from them if the art/writing/analysis post is good enough i can have fun with most things#my other favorite hq ship is tsukkiyama btw they're my ogs#I may not know what to do with the first year sexualities but i DO know that they're all queer#because the ONLY cishet character in all of haikyuu is tanaka#nekoma#haikyuu#haikyuu headcanons#ant's rambling tag woo#this is technically my art but i don't think she deserves the tag
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actually. @moonlarked you wanted someone to talk about near & light as parallels? cuz uh...
ok SO, my big hot take on near is something like this: one of the most common criticisms i see about near is that he is simply too apathetic/bored/uncaring/etc, and that because he is not as emotionally invested as L, his win against light doesn't feel nearly (lol) as satisfying as it could've been. this is a view that often frustrates me, but for a very particular reason— namely, while i think it is somewhat accurate in content, i think it misses a lot of important context (and also misses a lot of the importance of light's character arc, but we'll get to that much later).
one of the most important things to remember about the wammy's kids is that, whether they like it or not, each and every one of them is defined almost entirely through their relationship to L. this is perhaps more obvious in the case of characters like BB and mello, who are very Aware of this shadow being cast upon them and react in very overt, emotional ways (e.g. becoming a literal serial killer out of seemingly pure spite & desire to be noticed, idolizing him but in a very emotionally complicated, kinda detached sorta way, etc), but it is true for Every wammy's kid, purely because of how the house itself functions. these kids are being raised to be L's successor— the greatest (and second greatest, and third greatest) detective on the planet. this is the ultimate goal hanging over every one of their heads, and it places a constant pressure on every kid there.
oftentimes, i think (perhaps both out of story and in it, as well?) people get so caught up in comparing near to L that they forget he also falls under this umbrella— only, for near, his position is slightly different because he actually somewhat succeeds at the task? like, yeah, L never gets the chance to officially call near his successor, but between the fact that he's constantly called the #1 kid at wammy's and that he. literally does actually end up becoming the new L after kira, i think it's always been pretty clear what his path was going to be.
going back to my starting point, this is one of the main ways that near makes a really good parallel to light in my mind, specifically the light that we see right at the start of the series. in both cases, near and pre-DN light, we see a kid who has succeeded at everything they've been handed, and more notably, we see a kid who is bored out of his fucking mind looking at the prospects of what he's got.
in the case of light, this is maybe a little more realistic/easy to understand— light does well in academics, he does well in sports, he does well with people. he is likely to follow in his father's footsteps with something criminal justice/police/law related, but even if he diverges from that path it likely won't be too big of a deal, as he has shown himself to be capable in enough areas that he's likely to succeed no matter what. by all measurable standards, light's doing pretty good at the start of the series. and yet— there is something so distinctly and inherently Bland about his life before he gets the DN. i've said before that light wouldn't call the DN a curse even if he wanted to, but i think in that moment when he's telling ryuk he disagrees w/ his father after visiting him in the hospital, when he says, "I've never once considered finding that notebook and gaining this power a misfortune. In fact, it's made me happier than I've ever been." (ch.22) he's still getting at something real and truthful.
again, going back to my equating of boredom with depression in this series— light's life is pretty good by all measurable standards. he has a family who loves him, presumably more than enough money to get by with a pretty cushy lifestyle, and does well, honestly better than well, in every single system he is presented with. but even so, he's still unhappy. there is something in his soul that has not yet been satisfied. he's bored of the world, bored of his place in it, how easy it all is. what the DN really offers him is a challenge, entertainment— just the same as L, and just the same as ryuk.
near similarly suffers from this kind of boredom, though it is perhaps less overtly stated than in the case of light, L, and ryuk, and less easy to catch as it is not as realistic/common. again: near basically ends up the winner of wammy's house. he is the one to take the title of L, he's declared the smartest, bestest kid at wammy's, and he gets all the power and privilege that comes with such a title. but still— he's so. fucking. bored. much to the embarrassment of mello, this shit was never really a challenge to him. it's pretty obvious that near isn't really even all that attached to the title of L— don't forget that his first real introduction to the story involves him explicitly saying that he'd be just fine working with mello as essentially co-L successors. and this is a viewpoint that he holds onto until the very end of the series, actually, claiming that he was only able to best light due to mello's sacrifice. near doesn't really give a fuck about the rat race he's been slotted into, though it's perhaps for that exact reason that he ends up winning it anyway, and getting all the responsibility that comes along.
that being said, i think there are still two main differences between light and near:
light fucks up.
near never gets past his boredom.
in the case of this first point, i do not mean to say that near never ever makes any move/judgement that could be considered a mistake— mello killing the entire SPK is the first thing that comes to mind, which i see as blood on near's hands for the same reason that L takes at least some responsibility for lind l. tailor. rather, i mean that near never makes a such a monumental fuck-up that he has to overturn his entire worldview just to account for it in the same way that light does when he accidentally kills two people w/ the DN the first time.
it's like, if you've ever known (or been) the kind of kid who always got perfect grades in school, straights A's for K-12, only to reach college and suddenly bomb their first test and have an existential crisis as their only real achievement in life is crushed into dust, then you know light yagami. only for light, it's on a whole 'nother scale, because not only does he fucking oopsie daisy kill two people, but he kills in such a context that he can mentally manipulate it back into seeming heroic. i hate to say that suffering causes character development because that's terrible advice (it's how you react to terrible circumstances that matters, imho) but to some degree, yeah, having conflicts/hard times in life is just necessary to figure shit out sometimes. near (and L, oh goddd i need to write about L properly sometime) has so many things smoothed over and handed to him, and on top of that, he's a super genius very rarely fucks anything up, at least according to base logic. he doesn't even really consider the morality of anything he's doing until light straight up asks him in a desperate bid to keep talking at the end, it's all just logic and factors to consider.
this all leads to my second point, which is that near never really gets the chance to overcome his boredom in the same way as the others. ryuk at least gets his entertainment for a couple years, and light and L (and mello) get so invested in each other and their game that it literally kills them, but near just kinda. keeps going. he keeps being L, he keeps solving cases, he does the duty he was given and enjoys his toys... and that's it. he lies around, the only one left to live, never even taking credit for the end of KIRA, never gets another haircut, and keeps the title going. what a life, for a kid who dragged a god back down to earth.
sidenote1: toys
am i reading too into things? maybe. near's toys hold a lot of significance throughout the story in more specific ways, most notably the finger puppets he uses at the very end of the story while tracking different people's/kira's actions, though you could probably read some kind of meaning into every toy he has and the ways in which he plays with them. what i want to look at here though is more the general reasoning behind playing with them in the first place— a desire for a childhood he didn't get to have? a love of games more generally? (could track with him seeing the KIRA case, or really all detective work, as just another game.) you could also read into his toys as another source for near's apathy/detachment from reality, literally breaking every notable person around him down into a doll by the end of the story, speaking a lot to how alienated he is from the world (again, very similar to both L and light, there). i don't have much more of a point to make here, just wanted to add this in somewhere since it's one of his most striking visual character traits.
sidenote2: light's arc
going back to my point at the start of this post... light's character arc.
uhh. near winning is a good thing, actually. and i don't just mean that as a moral claim— DN itself as a story isn't really concerned with trying to answer any moral questions about good or evil or the justice system, so it makes sense & is fair to me that it doesn't try all that hard to answer anything along those lines by the very end of the story. what i mean to say here is that near winning is a good thing on the level of the character arc, specifically as an end to light's arc.
i made a post a while back while mid-manga reread talking through some of the reasons why L's death can feel kind of unsatisfying/paint the second half of the story in a less interesting light (hah) for a lot of viewers, with the main point i ended up on being that L wasn't really able to win because he never really had all that clear of a win state in the first place. i still kiiind of agree with this point, though i think there's a lot more i could add to that post... anyways. point is, i bring up that post because it touches on a similar thing to what i want to talk about here: light's character arc being a tragedy.
this is more speculation on my part, but i think another part of the reason why people get turned off to DN post-L death is not just the fact that L isn't really a playable character in the game anymore, but the fact that light's character arc takes such a dramatic twist after the timeskip. i talked about this a little bit in my little ramble on light & titles (which a lot of you liked, apparently!! ty for all the lovely comments on there, i love reading what you guys have to say ^w^), but light's character arc in DN is a tragedy to me, full-stop.
tragedies to me are cyclical— revolutionary, if you will. since all stories necessitate some kind of something to take place, a tragedy to me is all about a character beginning in one point, then continually getting hit by Event, after Thing, after Event, only to end up in essentially the exact same place that they started. any character changes or development that seem to happen throughout the story are ultimately nullified by the end— the main subject does not truly grow, does not truly reflect on their actions or traumas, does not move on. two steps forward is two steps back. even ending up in a position worse than they started is sometimes better than a true tragedy, in my mind, as at least then there is some chance they may still reflect or change or grow in the future, leaving the hope that they may still overcome this new circumstance later on. a true tragedy ends in nothing meaningful ever getting the chance to truly change, at least in the case of the main subject of the story.
light's character arc in the first half of the story is an upward, underdog kind of story. yes, light has the power of a shinigami, of a supernatural force that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists— but part of the real appeal of his conflict with L is how powerful L feels in comparison, having the wealth and respect and title to command a world's worth of forces against him. fuck, even taking down naomi misora feels like an incredible hurdle overcome, a teenager managing to charm and yap and flutter his eyelashes out of a shitty situation he was only just lucky enough to stumble across in the first place, to stop someone who could've ruined his entire plan with a few words. killing L was always going to be light's greatest accomplishment when it comes to his rise to godhood, not only because of L's great power but the comparative position of light at the time that he did so— not yet an adult, not even really out of school, perhaps barely out of his parents' house.
in contrast, light's arc for the second half of the story is a downward spiral. we see all of the consequences light has been miraculously avoiding smack into him like meteors in this half, his ever-growing ego torn to shreds as he's yanked back down to earth. and in comparison to the anime, the manga really beats this point into you, dedicating the entire second half of the story to light's fall from grace as he loses his mind and loses his humanity. like, while i do kind of prefer the manga ending to the anime, i have to admit that light's death there is fucking brutal. light goes through pages, chapters, purely dedicated to near tearing him a new asshole, only end the story bloody and delirious and crawling on his knees begging a god of death to fix everything— all just to die the exact same death as everyone else he's killed. i mean, look at these fucking pages (ch.107):
(that last fucking picture of him. clawing at the sky. it always fucking gets to me.)
it hurts to read this shit!! we spend the entire first half of the story watching this dude's rise to glory, the entire time stuck inside of his head, emotionally connecting with him even if we don't really mean to or disagree with his actions or question his morality. watching his fall back down, especially after all of that, is fucking painful— an in no way does near make the process any easier. if anything, his blunt, snarky bitchery, saying all the quiet parts out loud, calling light out for being a terrible replacement L and pointing and laughing at his failures to his face, only shoves more salt in the wound, only proves just how human he has been all this time, how meaningless any of his supposed "rise to power" ever really was. light got his fifteen seconds of fame, sure— but near is armed and ready to make sure that's all he'd ever get, that the name Light Yagami would never even be associated with the position he held for so long. six years was all he got— and it was all he was ever going to get, because light yagami did not do this for humanity, he did it for himself. all near did was collect the debt that L prescribed. he fulfilled his duty as told— nothing more, and nothing less.
i just have to wonder... is this why people hate him? because he has no sympathy for the fall? maybe. i don't know.
either way, i don't think i could ever really hate him. it's a big responsibility, being the only one left behind. but near has always been the one to hold such weights on his shoulders.
#death note#astronaut rambles#back at it again w/ the literal shower thoughts everyone#trying to get out as much DN writing as i can before classes start and take over everything aksdjflks#i think near is definitely in my top 3 DN characters oops i love him#btw i haven't seen a lot of the extra manga n stuff (?) related to wammy's so this is mostly just based off of the main manga#certified YAPPER applestorms here sorry L i like to win too#it's my homestuck roots i can't help it#also couldn't fit this in but... i like near's main color being white#it really fits the emptiness/void/apathy thing but in a different way#like it's not MU. it's not two fully black pages. but there's not a lot there either#not much room to be a person when you're built to be a computer ig#sighhh. these boys and their humanity#prospectively classpecting near as an heir of void. btw.#also sympathy for the fall would make a fuckin great band name#man i love writing these things. spinning my boys in my head#the DN fandom has been great on here lately love reading everyone's posts & seeing all the art hehehe <3#super long post#long post
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the tiny, inside the walls, hyping themself up: It’s totally fine. Everything I’ve seen from this human shows that they’re kind, level headed, and normal. There’s utterly nothing wrong with this human, and I can totally befriend them! I shouldn’t be scared at all!
the tiny: *peeks out hole in the bathroom wall, looking up at the giant before them*
the giant, in front of the bathroom sink, obliviously doing their nightly routine: *removes their dentures*
the tiny, has no concept of what dentures are, who just saw this behemoth remove all the bones and flesh from its own mouth in one swift pull, without a flinch of pain: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
#g/t#giant tiny#teeth tw#slight body horror tw#i feel like that warrants a tag#anyways I MIGHT HAVE TO GET DENTURES. FUCKIN WHAT#IM TWENTY FIVE#tbh i knew i needed them. but still. got that news today. fuckin nuts#anyways. sorry to ramble abt my irl life. but if i told any of my irl friends i was getting dentures id be roasted#not in a mean way. but there was a denture related incident at the place we all worked years ago. and they would be making parallels so fast#plus i think itll be fun to tell no one and then yank em out at a party as a surprise#can u even yank dentures. idk. ill find out tho!#again sorry for rambling i just love to ramble actually#(also absolutely no shame against ppl w dentures! teeth r incredibly important to self esteem tbh and dentures r a wonderful aid to have)#(like man im gonna smile so much after. chew w both sides of my mouth)#GO BRUSH UR TEETH BTW
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bro humans must be so fucked up in the eyes of stick figures. they're like them... but wrong! their legs, organs, and even colors are wrong! they don't even have hex codes, for crying out loud! what kind of creature doesn't have hex codes?
beings not of this world.
far beyond, far more than a lowly stick figure would ever even imagine. sometimes, they're so distant from normality that their motives are completely incomprehensible. why create just to destroy moments later?
their lives can span whole generations of sticks, all while barely changing in the perspective of a stick.
and they're so risky to interact with. one could treat you the best you've ever been treated, while the next could just wipe you from existence. without a second thought. it's not even an ability to them, it's just second nature.
and yet, they can only live once. lacking an immortal soul, once they're dead, they're dead. or at least, that's what a lot of sticks think.
an eldritch deity, and an ant.
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god i love the idea of humans and stick figures being different in more ways than just "one is super colorful and lives on computers and the other is just a normal human". it's so fun to play with i love it it makes me kick my feet and shake with excitement whenever i see other people use it
#sorry for the rambling btw#god THIS IS SO ALL OVER THE PLACE#ava#animator vs animation#alan becker#my stuff
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Scus the //blood I was having feeling and decided the best solution was to dump Sesame in blood
And also Hauchie sweeping him off his feet because oh no
(And Sesame charm for myself hehe, maybe)
#ff#ffxiv#Sesame#Sidurgu#tiny rielle you can’t really see#I love him too btw he’s so funny#I just gotta learn how to draw his hair… also his armor is really cool#enjoying the black and the spikes#haurchefant#I’ve cursed Sesame by making Hauchie his first romance sorry my boy 🫡#you know now I think about it more it’s kinda fucked#so (lore time LMAOO) idk I guess Sesame more fell for him once the whole being hidden at Ishgard thing happens#and like throughout the little time they spent there it was all cute and whatever#and then he DIES#and Sesame is like#…? why.#ahem… anyways more thoughts on this AFTER I finish Heavensward LOL#ok I’m done rambling
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Day 20: aaauughfgsgxgvnnfgjnd
#rambled in these tags sorry its been a long day#toontown corporate clash#pacesetter#graham ness payser#ok i said in my last post that todays was gonna be another prompt but i do not have the mental energy for that rn#like i stayed up all night even though i knew i had somewhere to be (i tried to sleep it didnt work my sleep cycle was fucked)#then i took a two or something hour nap cus i knew i would be out all day and then i was out and social for EIGHT HOURS#so yeah my brain is pretty fried from that#my shoes were really uncomfortable too and i was standing for most of it so uh oww#im doing alright btw this drawing is more of an exaggerated projection but i think i needed it right now#also fun fact most of the drawings on this account do have sketches made for them. this isn't one of them i wanted it to be a bit more jank#i need to sleep now bye jgsdkajgjk
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Izuku taking down all his posters and turning his figurines to face the wall before the kacchan makeout session
#look away all might....#I'm sorry it's so funny. like I have ten thousand people looking at me in my room but they're not my ACTUAL REAL LIFE TEACHER.#izuku realizing he can no longer jerk off in his room without feeling weird : 😔😩#btw kacchan comes in for the Izuku makeout session sees the figurines facing the wall and immediately drags Izuku to his own room#we r Not doing that izuku I'll never b able to look him (all might) in the eyes again#mha#mad mha ramblings//#bkdk#spicy mumbles//#kind of
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