#so removing stressors it is
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figofswords · 4 months ago
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thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)
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Mr. Cheaptrick and I have lived at our place for over 13 years. I moved in December 2011, and he joined August 2012.
Which means that packing our entire place for a move that neither of us really wants to make but kinda need to just....sucks.
So many memories, and so much stuff.
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kyngsnake · 10 months ago
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Well, the process of moving into a new place is finally over and done with after nearly a month. Having a major ice storm happen within days of signing your lease, thus preventing you from acquiring any of your belongings/furniture from storage, isn’t exactly an ideal situation. But shit happens, you get through it, important part is it’s over.
Having more time, space and my desk back should make it a lot easier to work on art, writing, interacting online in general. I’ve really missed being more active here but I keep getting smacked upside the head by Unforeseen Circumstances. Things are still a little turbulent and weird offline but moving finally being out of the way should make a big difference.
Anyway. I think the reason I’m making this post is to be basically be like. Hey, hi, I’m still around, I would like to interact w/ ya’ll more often again, shit just keeps Happening. But being done with moving and having all of my stuff back is one less big Thing.
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jyakkopotto-saddo-gaaru · 2 months ago
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you ever feel like your parents dont love you
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arihi · 1 year ago
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The difficult thing about openly blogging about healing and going through a long period of growth publicly is the feeling of “I’m not doing super great, and it’s worse than it has been before” springs to mind, but for the X number of times you’ve said it in the past, it feels more trivial. And maybe that’s a sign that things have always been an up and down sort of pattern, and that it will pass again, but maybe it also serves to feel more isolating in not having the words or energy anymore to describe how it is *this* time. And it is a position that changes day to day, and on better days it feels more passable, and on worse the void feels more vast. The mere fact that it changes is probably a good sign, that nothing ever has to be set in stone. But boy are some days so, so dreadful.
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mars-ipan · 2 months ago
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i have a check-up tomorrow morning and did the little depression screening thing online just now so it could be done. erm
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snakes-and-fluff · 1 year ago
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My pet Orekoto theory that I know is 100% not true is that he's a pro assassin who kills for money and is saving it so Bokuto/Mikoto can quit his job and still have financial security.
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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years ago
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ruthie slowly realizing I have the front camera turned on 😂 this dog hates being photographed!
we were up for a bit at 5 but it was too early and I was sleeepy so ended up dozing for another hour or two. rainy morning here. I’m trying to really savor the cozy snuggly days as life is about to get so hectic for me:
I’m in pittsburgh friday morning through monday night (YAYYY) attending two weekend games and hanging out with bec!!!
I have tuesday to run errands and do laundry before my mom arrives wednesday
we leave early thursday morning for 14 days in japan and korea, during which we are hitting tokyo, osaka, kyoto, nara, mt koya, hiroshima, miyajima island, fukuoka, busan, daegu, and /seoul… I’m soooo psyched but also 🫠 it’s gonna be a whirlwind and I still have to do quite a bit of prep to be ready
we get home on a wed, I have thurs to recover from jetlag slash finalize my job talk, and then friday is the all-day campus visit
THEN I leave sat morning for houston and get back late monday night
it’s gonna be a lot!!! so very okay to be slothful this weekend and for as much of next week as I can manage I think. I am building up my reserves of rest and solitude lol.
mmkay. tonight I am having dinner + watching tár with mary later (and maybe seeing my sister at some point in the afternoon tbd) but the morning is my own! no pressure to get anything done in particular but here are some options:
could do more campus visit research for fun! my first gen programming book is arriving sometime today so I could read that and take notes, or I could spend some more time working through these articles I pulled up on designing programming for transfer students. I was also thinking it might be fun to create some one-page idea/vision/notes docs by hand on various topics—I feel like writing by hand will reinforce my memory of key details, and then making decisions about how I want to visually organize/arrange content will be a good exercise in synthesizing what I’ve learned. lol even as I’m typing this out I’m like ‘OOOOH that sounds like fun!!!!’ so I guess I’ll probably do that.
my former student is calling me at some point today to talk about transfer students’ experiences. he’s around my age (went back to undergrad after serving in the military for a long time) and is fun to talk to because he’s super smart and just like… more of a fully formed person and professional than the college-age kids. so that will be fun and should give me some useful threads to follow in my research. 
pick up my CVS prescription
hmm maybe I’ll put my laundry in right now? I also want to change linens/towels. I cleaned most of the house yesterday so don’t have much else to do in the way of chores… and I have a bunch of leftovers to finish before I’m allowed to make anything else so no cooking to do today either.
if it clears up I’ll go for a shorter long walk (the hourlong loop?) unless it’s really nice and I feel like doing the 90+ min trek again. not gonna let myself run today though—I can tell I pushed it a bit yesterday with the long fast walk + running two days in a row at a quicker clip than usual. just a little bit of achiness!
I finished a novel yesterday and want to start the next one today so I don’t break stride, but that can wait till before bed unless I’m moved to read earlier.
mmkay I think that’s it! take it easy and do fun relaxing stuff today.
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quirkle2 · 2 years ago
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I see you and i are both having a hard day today (for different reasons) so. Solidarity?
Sending you good vibes
Im just gonna be over here upset cuz my job cutting my hours from full time to only 24 hours a week (I'll be okay, my parents are willing to help and i have options to get more hours elsewhere, im just frustrated and need a good cry over it) so i hope things go better on your end too
OUGH im so sorry that happened to u anon :( i hope everything goes well!! tysm for the good vibes i am sending some ur way as well <3
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years ago
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#okay. i can handle this:#...i just really wish it wasnt so hard to do everything for me. like. ive spent years of my childhood molding myself for the sake of others#and what for? now that im an adult im just trying to completely remove the trauma i experienced as a kid.#and i just look back on all these things that hurt me and think#idk. theres not much to be done. in a way its a relief being able to pinpoint#diary#personal#i was gonna say i wish my mood was more stable but thats not quite right.#i guess i moreso wished i was a bit more resiliant. i wish that not every little thing hurt#or just. i wish i could handle the stressors of life a bit more easily. but i cant.#idk. its been a really rough week to be entirely honest. and then i just have little moments like these#where things sorta feel like they just fall into place. where i feel like i was just a kid. i didnt really understandokay im acting like thi#but really in the end it doesnt stop it for me? everything still hurts so much.#and its still hard to know all the things i need to deal with and do.#and honesty i know i cant handle the stresses that come with adult life. i cant even support myself really#i fully depend on my parents for any and all basic necessities.#i can pay for my health insurance yeah. but thats about it?#i could potentially pay for my phone and maybe other basic necessities. but in practice i cant.#the process of setting these things up is damn near impossible for me.#honestly. i think that while i enjoy the internet and such sometimes this is the worst time for me to exist#bc i just. am constantly stressed with so many things bc of it. and theres not much to be done really.#...i hope i can book an appointment with my therapist sooner than later.#at least i have a bunch of stuff i can do to keep myself busy ig...#but really. thats the problem. theres too much to do and its far too stressful.#well. at least ill be able to play with some things ig. idk. i have a new planner im excited about.#i like planning. i miss studying. i hate working. im tired of only having the options of working out or being in pain.#im just so tired of it all.#that appointment i had with the specialist sorta really made me realize. oh shit. this is my life now and im fucked.#like. i can take anti-inflammatories. but thats it really. my life is just gonna constantly be like this. and im tired.#idk. im gonna go finish my latte.
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0rionz-belt · 5 months ago
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sometimes i’ll be like “i wish i could go to a doctor and they do a scan of my brain and find that i have brain damage from how stressed i’ve been the past 3 years” and then i remember that this burnout was probably actually already physically changing my brain by the time i properly noticed the symptoms over half a year after the catalyst
#vent#it’s so fucking unfair.#i can say what i see and what i feel but i can’t do anything beyond that very well#and yeah sometimes when i’m anxious i use big words and shit but that’s because that’s all that comes to mind when i talk in those moments#and even then it’s also bc i’m trying to say what i mean as clear as possible but sometimes the words aren’t there#so i can’t even do that all the time either#this entire section of my mental health issues fucking started mostly bc i wanted to keep writing with someone who was slowly leaving#i fucked up my whole life for this skill. i loved it that fucking much.#and now? now i try to avoid doing it because it’s so fucking difficult#and i don’t understand why it is. it’s not supposed to be hard.#i’m supposed to be able to think. i used to be so good at writing.#and now it’s so hard and it gives me a headache every fucking time#i tried to get back into it and at first i thought i was just out of practice or didn’t have the self esteem#and so i stayed even when i had the chance to leave bc at that point i had someone who i was better than.#i was able to say ‘at least i’m not annoying or bad at writing like that person’#but i don’t have that now#and i’m so tired and so upset and i just want to be myself again so bad and i can’t be#and what’s worse is that my brain has started going somewhere bad with it#it’s convinced that gym is still enough of a stressor that not having to do it would help me heal#and if i got a surgery to remove the fat i wouldn’t have to do gym and i could fix myself#and i really don’t want to go down that route because i KNOW what happens#but i’m tired. i can’t stand living like this. i havent felt comfortable in a single friendship i’ve had in years.#because i’m so fucking scared that i’m not enough right now especially after advertising myself as who i used to be#i feel so bad and so tired and no one understands that i hate this part of myself more than anyone because i’m being let down by myself more
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kavehater · 7 months ago
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If things keep going wrong like this I’ll soon become like the xiao-less people in 2021 ;-;
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vaguelydefinedshapes · 1 year ago
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ok but what do u do when u have all A's probably (ur too scared to actually check to confirm this) but ur just so overwhelmed by the concept of finals that ur just trying to ignore it and pretend it's not happening so ur just ditching ur second to last class bc u didnt make a presentation and ur just gonna head to the product building at 10pm (when ur teachers have left and wont be able to yell at u for ditching class) to take the photos and submit them? what then
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dogheartbf · 1 year ago
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what if i dropped out of school haha
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hazzasultimatekiwi · 1 year ago
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i hate how time works
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rosecoloredtarot · 9 months ago
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I think people have become so far removed from the natural world that "witnessing nature do it's thing" is often misinterpreted as having mystical significance.
This is not meant to be a judgement of anyone, no one here is the reason we live in a society away from the wilds. But I think that the little to no exposure people have with non-human spaces turns perfectly ordinary occurrences into something of a spectacle.
"I keep seeing large groups of crows around, who is trying to reach out?" Probably no one, crows are diurnal flock animals that actively seek out people because they are smart and know we have lots of stuff they can scavenge.
"This tree in my yard put out SO many flowers but seems to be dying now, did someone curse me?" Nope! Trees, particularly fruit trees, can stress bloom, where they put out tons of flowers in response to any number of stressors. Might wanna see if you can fix the stressors to save the tree.
"I was walking around during a storm and lightning hit a tree I was near, what does that mean?" It means you should thank your lucky stars you didn't get hit yourself. Lightning wants to touch the ground so badly and will zap the tallest thing around because that is the fastest way there.
"A cat gave birth under my house, do I have a familiar now?" Maybe. But under the house is dry, warm and relatively safe. She picked that spot because its a good place to keep her babies.
All of these things and more happen ALL THE TIME, we just aren't as aware of them as we used to be. Seeing nature in action is incredible and special in it's own right, just maybe not in the way you want it to be.
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