#so post s2 he's trying to better himself and he has this realization that he's become a horrible person since getting bitten

[patolemus]

what we have become

gen | teen wolf | concept

It hits him while he’s washing his face.

Scott is just. There, in the bathroom, in front of the sink. There’s bits of kelpie gunk on the sides of the sink from where he’s rubbed his face to get rid of it. Scott looks at it and can barely find it in himself to feel disgust, let alone guilt. His face is wet, water droplets rolling down his cheeks and onto his chin like tears.

He looks at his reflection and he doesn’t recognize the person looking back. It’s weird, because Scott remembers looking at himself yesterday just like he’s doing now, and he knew exactly who he was. Now… the person staring back is a stranger wearing his face. He has the same hair, the same jawline, the same eyes. But no matter how similar, whoever it is that is looking back at him is unknown.

The person looking back at him hurts people. The person looking back at him is selfish. The person looking back betrays, and uses, and is so, so cruel. Scott has said and done things that should horrify him, that would have horrified him a year ago. He said a family deserved to die in a fire. He violated a person’s autonomy. He was ready to kill a man because it benefited him. He left his best friend, his brother, to fight by himself so many times because he was too busy with a girl.

It scares him. It scares the hell out of him because Scott thought he’d be the kind of person who makes good choices in tough situations. He thought he wouldn’t change if he were to get power, and responsibilities. He thought he would still be kind.

But tonight he killed that kelpie without so much as hesitating. He saw it, and he lunged for it before he could even comprehend what he was doing. And yeah, the kelpie had been killing people, but Scott— Scott’s supposed to be better than that. He’s supposed to be the good one.

Derek had looked surprised. Concerned, even. Stiles had called out to him almost hesitantly, had stopped before his hand couch touch Scott’s shoulder. Scott hadn’t understood why until now.

What has he become?

(A monster, his mind whispers. And really, can Scott truly refute it?)

A look into what Scott could have been, had his character arc to become a true alpha in s3 been different.

Thanks to @darling-winnie for finally pushing me to write this, our conversation about Scott was really helpful! And of course thanks to the wonderful @oldefashioned for reading this over and encouraging me that it’s not trash lol

[pyrettawychwiggin]

Nanami Kento Relationship Headcanons

(Nanami through the phases)

Warnings: none. This post is SFW, and is mostly full of fluff.

Acquaintance (I'm just another face in the crowd)

• This isn't a love-at-first-sight type of situation. Romance is so far from his mind in general, and as far as he's concerned, it's off the table, no matter who it is.

• If you're another sorcerer, you're just another colleague - his only concern is whether or not you're competent. If you're a non-sorcerer, you're just another stranger in the world trying to make your way however you can. Nothing more.

• He treats you no different than any other person, with painful indifference and total professionalism. Short responses - no longer than is required to get a point across.

• Any time you'd try to have some form of friendly chat or banter with him, you're met with little more than a 'hm' or an ' I see' before he would return to what he was doing.

• His responses would only be a little longer if it pertained to work or if it were absolutely necessary.

Friend (If you slip and fall off-track - I'll carry you on my back)

• It took a long while to get to even this point with him, but he's less guarded around you - only a little. It's not that he doesn't trust you; it's just how he is with people. The difference is that when he asks about your day, he genuinely wants to know - it's no longer an obligatory means of the bare-minimum 'polite conversation between strangers/colleagues' type of situation.

• You're one of the few people he'll ask out for drinks after work. He's a good drinking partner, and he always tends to buy the first round. This is around the time you realize just how well he can hold his liquor. The man can drink like a fish, and it takes him an insane amount before he seems to show any subtle signs of inebriation. That being said, he's a pretty quiet drunk; he'll sway a bit more when he stands, and his ears/cheeks will turn a little redder, but he tends to stop before he even gets to that point.

• He has genuine respect for you (even if you're also a Jujutsu Sorcerer).

• You get to see him crack a small smile on occasion. Even though he's not typically one for jokes, you're one of the few people who make him chuckle.

• He knows how you take your coffee and/or tea (or what you prefer if you don't drink coffee or tea). If you're a colleague, he'll sometimes bring you something from the coffee shop if he'd happened to stop by to pick up a coffee for himself.

• (If you're a sorcerer) He trusts you to be able to handle yourself, and doesn't feel the need to babysit you on missions. He knows your style pretty well, and is able to adapt his own to better compliment yours if needed. Still, he's always looking out for you in his typical 'Nanami' way.

• (If you're not a sorcerer) He keeps an eye out for you when he happens to be around; making sure you're not stuck dealing with some unknown minor curse. If you do happen to catch the attention of a curse, he'll go out of his way to deal with it for you - though you'd never know it; he doesn't want to bring you into his messy world by telling you things you don't need to know.

• All in all, Nanami is a fiercely loyal friend. He has your back through anything and everything, even if that means giving you a scolding for doing something foolish.

Crush (I've got my eye on you)

• Once you catch his eye, he almost seems to become a little less talkative around you than he was before. At first, you're worried that you did something wrong.

• If anything, he's kind of in shock. These feelings just came out of nowhere for him, and he's not really sure how to handle it.

• He specifically did NOT want to be romantically involved with anyone while he's in this field of work. In fact, he's fully intending to keep his feelings to himself and just hoping that they go away over time, even if you're also in the same business of fighting curses.

• Any signs of affection are extremely subtle - almost imperceptible - but they are there.

• When he brings you your coffee/tea/etc. he now always pairs it with some sort of sticky note message. Nothing cutesy - just a simple 'have a good day' or 'stay safe.'

• When you're around each other, he seems to stand a little closer than usual - especially if it's crowded, he takes the opportunity to stick almost shoulder-to-shoulder with you (but he always says a quick 'apologies' when he does).

• You have your own ringtone and vibration pattern, now - though he hasn't brought it to anyone's attention; not even yours. Your ringtone changes from his usual default to something different so he can hear if it's specifically you contacting him. Your vibration tone is a subtle 'bzt-bzt' that he noticed sounded like a heartbeat. Whenever he hears that tone or that vibration, he tends to stop what he's doing to check his inbox.

• You've never noticed, but if someone seems to be eyeing you, be it a creep or just some would-be troublemaker, he's able to subtly put on that scary-dog aire which never fails to deter them from coming anywhere near you. In fact, one time, he happened to notice some creep was following you home after work while he was driving by, so he pulled over to the curb beside you and got out of his car to greet you. 'It's not safe to be out alone in this area this late. Let me drive you home.'

Before you can say anything, he's gently leading you to the passenger's side door, opening it for you to let you in before carefully closing it behind you. As he's moving around the car to get into the driver's seat, he's sure to flash a death glare to the stalker (and no one - and I mean NO ONE - can death glare like Nanami).

Once he's arrived at your place, he suggests carpooling with him after work. Even if you decline, he requests that you text him when you get home. Either way, this starts a trend of you two either carpooling home or texting each other most nights.

• You have noticed that his usual habit of buying the first round of drinks has turned into him picking up the entire tab basically every time.

• You are the only person that has ever seen this stoic man flustered. The first time you saw him remove his glasses, you complimented the amber colour of his eyes. He cleared his throat and scratched the bridge if his nose, flushing with a 'thank you.' You heard from Gojo later that day that Nanami seemed to be in a better mood than usual for the rest of the day.

• He actually compliments you, now - and not just for work-related things. He keeps it simple, but one day he notices you'd changed something small - maybe the way you parted your hair, the way you did your makeup, maybe you shaved, or he noticed the perfume/cologne you were wearing, maybe a new accessory you bought - and he makes a point to say something (ie; 'Ah, you changed your hair part. It looks good.')

Dating (What would happen if we kissed? Would your tongue slip past my lips?)

• This was not what Nanami was intending to happen. You either had to make the first move, or once you noticed the hints he was unintentionally dropping, you practically had to pull it out of him. He was convinced, without the shadow of a doubt, that his feelings were completely one-sided.

• If by some chance he were the one to make the first move, however, he had originally decided to confess to you in hopes that his feelings would pass once you'd inevitably turned him down. You could imagine his surprise when you returned his feelings. He decided it would be best to take you out for lunch at a coffee shop you both liked to frequent. After you'd taken your seats, you noticed that he seemed nervous. That's when he tells you.

• Either way, once you both decide to start a relationship, he turns out to be a textbook-perfect boyfriend. He holds doors open, buys you gifts, plans great dates, gives great massages, and he's a shockingly good kisser. He's also unsurprisingly great at communication; he likes to talk things out, and is very solutions-oriented, so the two of you may disagree on occasion, but you rarely 'fight.'

• His only real failing as a boyfriend (at least early on in the relationship) has everything to do with his habit of being a workaholic. It can be hard to make time to spend time together outside of work, and when you do, he's often rather tired, though he tries not to show it.

• You two didn't share an official 'first kiss' until the end of the third date. You'd hugged, held hands, cuddled, and you'd both even come close to kissing a couple times, but neither of you wanted to make the other feel rushed or uncomfortable. He'd kissed your hand, fingers and forehead before, but at the end of your third date, as he was dropping you off at your place, he asked you to wait a moment before getting out of his car. He started to lean forward and gently slipped a hand on your jawline, holding intense eye contact for a moment before asking if it would be alright for him to kiss you. You basically just managed to get a 'yes' out and his lips were on yours in the blink of an eye - as if he'd been unable to think of anything else for his entire life. All too soon, he pulled away an inch, letting out a deep sigh of relief. He drifted his thumb gently over your bottom lip and smiled. 'You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.'

• He seems to exhibit many forms of the love languages, but his most prominent are acts of service, gift giving, and physical touch.

Long-Term (Come with me, my love, to the sea - the sea of love)

• Nanami always enjoys his dates with you, regardless of what you're doing, but he specifically loves dates where the two of you get to learn something together. Taking classes, be they painting, cooking, dancing, learning a language, etc. he finds them to be the most interesting.

• Nanami asked you to move in with him about a year into your relationship. The first day you came 'home' after work, he'd made a point of being there first so he could set up a 'welcome home' banner and prepare a nice in-home date night for the two of you.

• Coming home to you is easily the highlight of most of his days. His favourite post-work ritual is to slide off his tie, unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, and to fall into you to cuddle on the couch together.

• He loves when you read books out loud while he's curled up with you, feeling your fingers running through his hair. It never fails to put him at ease.

• After having taken many cooking classes together, the two of you can flawlessly work around each other in the kitchen - something many couples seem to struggle with.

• It was about 3 years into your relationship when you realized he has a shockingly nice singing voice that he rarely uses. One evening, the two of you were slow-dancing in the living room when he started humming a song in a low, smooth tone that took you by surprise.

• Nanami's always had pretty good fashion sense, but he enjoys coordinating his outfits with yours, and low-key revels in getting to show you off a little when you're out together.

• He never forgets anniversaries - ever. He remembers that during your first anniversary, you bought him a midnight blue silk tie with a simple wave pattern that he adores, and makes sure to wear every anniversary without fail.

Married (After all this time, I'm still into you)

• The two of you take at least a one week long vacation together every year; but for your 5th anniversary, he pulled out all the stops. We're talking a first-class flight to a private villa by the sea with a balcony and an ocean view that boasted some of the most incredible sunsets imaginable. After spending the week getting absolutely pampered with amazing meals, couples massages, and anything under the sun that the two of you wanted to do, he presented you with an envelope.

You opened it to see that he had purchased the ocean villa so the two of you could come back any time you wanted; but that's not all.

He had signed it under both his name, and under a 'Mrs. Nanami Kento.' You looked at him in shock as he rose to his feet and dropped down on one knee beside you to offer you a ring with your favourite stone.

• The wedding was, in a word, perfect. He had a blast planning it with you, and the entire event went off without a single hitch. It was small, beautiful, elegant, intimate, and perfect for both of you. You like to joke that the two of you had a future in event planning if Jujutsu Sorcery stopped being an option.

• It's not long before he (and you, if you were also a sorcerer) decide to retire from Jujutsu Sorcery to open your own business together - be it event planning, a restaurant, a bakery, etc. which goes on to be incredibly successful.

• This man never stops trying to win your heart. Even decades into your marriage, he's always trying to find new ways to charm you and sweep you off your feet.

[emblazons]

forewarning: this is the longest "this is mike's arc and I'm tired of denying it" breakdown i've done in a min (it's def about gay mike bar none so. skip if you want)

I keep reading posts about "where Mike is with his feelings for Will" all across the dash now, and...while I get the idea of wanting a Mike as devastated by not hearing from Will as Will was because Mike's aware he has romantic feelings, *Arya Stark Voice* that's not him?

In the show, Mike Wheeler wears his heart on his sleeve. He is prone to emotionality and doesn't really track his feelings within himself the way Will does—is "less interior," for a lack of a better phrase, which both plays dramatically into how things are playing out with both El and Will and makes it (dare I say it) out of character to believe he's as "hurt by his own hope" as Will is when it comes to mutual feelings.

Let me see if I can explain.

First: I think it's important to keep in mind that, at least with Mike, you get someone who will subconsciously act on "inner truths" before he even realizes they're true about him—and someone who will behave according to whatever external reality deems "correct" until he realizes 1) its bullshit or 2) its not true for him personally. We see this season over season:

First with how he willfully breaks rank with authority (his parents, the police, even the community) first to find Will and then again breaks rank with even his friends to protect Eleven in season 1

Then in S2 when he throws "proper" behavior to the wind (which is even slightly acknowledged in Will's 'don't tell the others' / 'crazy together) to be there for + lowkey confess the depth of his feelings to Will (everyone say thank you shed scene)

Again (though slightly different) in S3, with how there's this bubbling thing being gay he doesn't realize has started to manifest itself—cue that comment the duffer's made forever ago about S3 being about "the monster of puberty," aka when people start to understand their own attractions—until the very end of the season with how he realizes he's not attracted to El

And finally in S4, when he consciouslly knows for a fact he's not into El and tries to hide it—quite poorly, because, as I said, he can only abide a "lie" when he doesn't realize it is one—but hasn't yet realized that the thing bubbling up inside him THIS season (that keeps slipping out without him realizing it) is his attraction to/romantic feelings for Will.

In Season 4 especially, its easy to track how this "I can lie...until I know it is one" affects Mike's romantic prospects; we see plainly that his lying about his feelings to El during the monologue was a failure because the power of Mike's whole character is rooted in the importance of him being true to himself and his heart. Season over season, we've seen that Mike has to be honest with people once he knows what he feels in order for his leadership to be effective—and by S4, he knows he doesn't love El romantically (+ has known for a HOT minute, aka since his little S3 post-kiss revelation)—which is why he tries to skirt around the issue with that "I care for you so much" rather than lie to El's face about his lack of romantic feelings.

Basically: once Mike consciously knows something is not right in either the world or inside himself, he has to act on it...or suffer the consequences of his lack of honesty. But then....what does that have to do with him not being the one "not trying to be in love" with Will?

Despite the fandom urge to deny it even in the wake of The Duffers and Finn Wolfhard themselves telling them it's true: Mike being oblivious to his own feelings, or at least consciously unaware, of his own romantic feelings for Will is a solid amount of what's driving his character's growth right now. Mike "friends don't lie" Wheeler has spent the entirety of this show trying to be as honest as possible with the people around him, and we've clearly seen as of S4 what happens when he isn't honest—the world (quite literally) falls apart.

When it comes to his romantic arc especially, it's important to remember this is true, because it means, through logical deduction, that Mike isn't hiding the fact that he has feelings for Will throughout season 4—he's hiding the fact that he's not in love with his girlfriend the way he's supposed to be, which both plays into the whole forced conforming through-line of the season and explains the crux of his narrative even as we are primarily shown that experience through Will's eyes—unreliable as they are. The thing leaking out of Mike without his knowledge is the fact that he likes boys—but the thing he's consciously hiding and lying about is the fact that he doesn't like girls the way he knows he's supposed to.

Now: does that mean he doesn't have a million subconscious responses to things regarding Will—one's rooted both in his attraction to men and his friendly/romantic/evolving feelings for him? Absolutely not. Half of what drives Mike's S4 narrative was built into his wordless/subconscious actions throughout S3, from the way we see him look disgusted with girls when they're mentioned, the way he take's El's hands off him when she tries to kiss him, and even the way he looks conflicted by her kiss at the very end of the season. Just because Mike is consciously unaware that something is happening to him doesn't mean the thing isn't happening—it just means that Mike himself is oblivious to it.

Even so: Mike being oblivious to the fact that he's attracted to men/in love with Will means he isn't consciously trying to keep himself away from Will—which is clear, if you pay attention to every moment before he gets guilted into remembering he has a GF by Argyle.

Basically, the crux of Mike's own experience with his problems is—

"I don't love El the way I'm supposed to, and it's going to cause problems if I can't do that for everyone I care for,"

not

"I am trying to hide my feelings for boys/Will and have to pretend they aren't there to be normal."

—which is a subtle but critical distinction in understanding both where he is by the end of S4 and where he's headed moving into S5.

Now: I get that it's more fun to imagine a Mike fighting his feelings for Will consciously throughout S4, but....that's Will's story and experience of his feelings, not Mike's. Mike is fighting with his lack of attraction to women more than his attraction to men/Will—which is also why you see it slip out so much despite the time/era/what he knows of what happens to gay men in Hawkins.

If Mike knew he loved Will/boys consciously, he'd be much more afraid of himself and Will than he is even as of the last shot of S4—but he's not, which is shockingly telling if you consider how he already knows what he doesn't feel for Eleven. Once he does know what he feels—his "a-ha" moment about liking Will, the same as his consciously realizing he didn't love El "like that" as of end of S3—it will be impossible for him not to address it in himself...and finally be honest/undo the damage of The Lie he told El (he loved her) during the monologue.

That's the (canonical) trajectory of Mike "The Heart" Wheeler—and why him being oblivious to his feelings for Will, not just "secretly longing without wanting to indulge hope he might have the boy he loves" the way Will is experiencing moving into S5. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[aziraphales-library]

I know y’all are super busy but I really need season 2 fics. I’m ugly crying rn

You haven't said if you want to feel better or worse, so here are some of the currently most-kudos series two fics...

I Wanna Fade Away with You by kademeow (G)

Aziraphale realizes, after entering the lift with the Metatron, that Heaven doesn’t have what he wants, or needs, at all.

How's the View by Etheostoma (T)

“May I come in?” Crowley blinked. “No,” he declared, and slammed the door in Aziraphale’s face. He slunk away away from his apartment door and snatched the half-full glass of merlot he had left atop one of his plant stands, downing the entire thing in one gulp. “May I come in?” he mimicked, scrunching up his nose and raising his voice. “No you bloody well may not,” he yelled at the door, before dropping the glass to shatter across the unforgiving concrete floor.

I do love nothing in the world so well as you by elf_on_the_shelf (E)

My take on the S2 fix it. I honestly think that Neil will fix it in S3 but that will be a while and I am sad rn. So basically, here goes: Someone criticises Crowley in Heaven and Aziraphale has had just enough of that to be honest so he decides that maybe - maaaaaaaaybe - it would be better for everyone for him just to return to Earth and to his demon. Obviously - Season 2 spoilers - like...all of them.

tales from a bookshop by Rizandace (T)

Post-season-two. Crowley's moping, Aziraphale wants to fix things, and turns out, there's enough blame to go around. ----- “You’re being ridiculous.” Crowley very nearly falls over. Like, actually. He very nearly loses balance for no reason at all and tumbles to the sidewalk next to his car. He’s been playing Aziraphale’s voice in his head for weeks, he’s been trying very hard to drown out the sound of it, in fact, and now suddenly, abruptly— “What are you doing here,” is all he can think to say. He whirls around, and there he is. on Crowley’s right, standing there like he’d never left. Where he belongs, Crowley’s mind helpfully supplies. He wishes he could punch himself in the brain, knock the thoughts right on out of there.

May You Be Forgiven by Haydenn11 (E)

I forgive you. Satan, he was an idiot. How could he think his wasted heart would ever compare to Heaven asking Aziraphale back with open arms, as Supreme Archangel, no less? Crowley never stood a chance. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to dash across the street and into the celestial elevator with Azriaphale, principals be damned, or blessed? But, Crowley couldn’t go back. He wouldn’t. He had at least that much self-respect left. He’d never belong in Heaven; he could never be happy there. And neither could Aziraphale, but his stupid, stubborn angel never could reconcile that fact. ___ After the events of episode six of GO2, Crowley must learn to live without Aziraphale and Aziraphale must navigate his new life as Supreme Archangel of Heaven.

But You, My Dear, Are An Ocean by megzseattle (T)

After Aziraphale's defection, Crowley tries to figure out how to live life for himself.

- Mod D

[chaifootsteps]

there's been another edit war going on with the TV Tropes recap for Full Moon's YMMV recap page

an entry for Unintentionally Unsympathetic that talks about the reaction to Stolas. people kept trying to remove it and then even those who didn't totally agree added it back because it's about a fan reaction & it used direct evidence from the show as support

it's back for good now because it was approved on another thread, but what gets me is that fans keep trying to reframe what people's problem is with the murder family scene in the first place

they talk about it as though the scene has to prove either Stolas called already knowing it was a bad time or have been watching Blitzo functionally the entire time

but while that would be bad, there's already enough in the scene itself to condemn Stolas. the point is that Stolas had every reason to believe Blitzo was not in a position to talk and was very likely in danger, but he not only pressed ahead he proposed a deal that Blitzo should have had more time to think over but was instead put in a position where agreeing immediately just to get Stolas' off the phone was his best bet

at no point does Stolas ask why Blitzo is whispering, about the gunshots, if he should call back or arrange to come to the office when Blitzo keeps telling him he's trying to focus on (in his own words) not 'getting fucked'. he doesn't even care to ask if Blitzo is OK

if it were anyone with a shred of empathy or common sense they'd realize that someone immediately saying 'fine! whatever!' to a proposition like that is a big red flag that they're not giving enthusiastic, informed consent - Blitzo didn't have time to think it through and his 'whatever!' especially gives the impression he would have agreed to anything to keep the book

saying it's on Blitzo to hang up on Stolas (even though he could have called back and the ringtone would've endangered his life even more a second time) ignores the power imbalance - Blitzo talks to and about Stolas in Loo loo land like he expects the owl to drag him off to some dark corner of the park for a quickie whether Blitzo likes it or not. he obviously doesn't trust him enough to know Stolas wouldn't have gotten angry & tanked his business if he'd just hung up, especially as soon as Stolas mentioned the grimoire. (even as late as full moon with so called better kinder Stolas, Blitzo still doesn't trust Stolas not to ruin his business and offers to do 'anything' - doesn't exactly suggest he trusts him even in s2, does it?)

it's just victim blaming - what's stopping Stolas being the one to arrange a better time to talk or just dropping by the office?

Murder Family Stolas gives the impression of someone who does not care whether or not Blitzo is in danger or is able to give informed & enthusiastic consent, so long as he agrees to what Stolas is proposing. and even if Blitzo had been able to think it through, Stolas is essentially demanding Blitzo pimp himself out to him to keep the lights on. there's no way to spin that to make what Stolas does OK - if they'd been having a casual fling outside of work without the book being the direct transactional element (ie Blitzo slept with him a second time because he wanted to not because he was forced to) there'd still be the uncomfortable question of the grimoire looming over them but the whole messy relationship would be a lot easier to fix and Stolas would look way less like a monster

Saving the full post in case it's lost to us.

[bronx-bomber87]

First off thank you much for the lovely response to my last thoughts. I was very nervous about posting and got a lot of good replies, notes and reblogs. This fandom is the best. I think it's important to see both sides and I wanted Tim's to be represented in a way that gave insight without condoning what he'd done. (Cause our boy done messed up.) So giving a little of myself achieved that I believe.

I didn't know a ton about this ep cause I’m a square who stays away from spoilers haha So let’s get started.

6x08 Punch Card

Ugh my heart Tim got a reminder for Lucy’s Bday. Instant heart stomping already….I love that he had a reminder set up though. Making sure he would't forget. I’m crying already. Even though I'm so very sad. I love that he had this setup. When the elevator opens the amount of tension is palpable. Something felt very wrong. Good thing Tim was lost in his Lucy moment or he would've picked up on this sooner.

Poor Tim just wants to explain himself to Mad Dog. To explain what happened. The man is not in a place to receive it and we see later why. That look said it all though when Mad Dog departs. When Dr. London said she just took the wrong elevator my red flag gut was going off.

Now that I've see the episode as a whole I can see Dr. London's play here. She seems to use flirting as a defense mechanism all her own. To protect herself and manipulate those around her. I mean they brought her flirt fest with Aaron in the recap back for a reason I think. She's worried Tim read into something about her interaction with Mad Dog. I mean Tim is clearly upset about seeing him and she uses that to deflect attention off herself. My off meter definitely was kicking on with her. Especially with how flirty she was being I didn't like it.

Now some may see Tim's response as him flirting back but I think he's investigating her. Also he's being a little sassy because he's not comfortable with her doing therapy outside the office. I mean his face when he leaves that elevator is not of a man who just flirted. It's one who is one still hurting and two his cop gut is going off but he isn't sure why....He seems conflicted by what just went down in that elevator. Just like us he was feeling off about her.

This scene was very cute with Grey. I loved him anointing her to be a T.O. LOL Also once again showing the faith he has in Lucy. To train Celina and know she would do a good job. I was excited for this opportunity for her. For her to tap into leadership. Honestly it shouldn't have taken this long for Lucy to get to show her chops with this.

Tim is so busy trying to delete his Lucy reminder he runs into the physical version of it without realizing. Andddddd it’s still awkward af between them. How could It not be? No communication between them so naturally it is. Stilted awkwardness. Lucy got out of there so fast. Even with Tim making the all powerful joke. Trying to make it less awkward. Ow. Couldn't get away fast enough. The way he watches her go. *sigh* Like he's watching his entire heart depart the room.

This hurts you guys. No matter how much I know it’ll be ok at some point this hurts to watch. Grey not pulling any punches noting how very awkward that was. Tim telling him that's actually better than it's been....Makes me wonder how much time has passed between 6x07 and now. Wade not caring that's progress to Tim. He is not messing around....

Just wants Tim to fix is ASAP cause of the team dynamic. He's not wrong. Man isn't wrong. Rarely if ever is. Saying if Tim can't there’s gonna be a transfer and it won’t be Lucy….I mean I LOVE Grey siding with Lucy on this one. Not a doubt in his mind if it shakes out that way it'll be Tim. That being said just hearing that. Ugh. Deep anxiety pit of my stomach. And of course it would be friggin North Hollywood. That damn station been haunting them since S2. Looming over them ready to take one of them away.

Lucy being Celina’s T.O .for the day I love it. She is so excited to be her leader even if it's just for this shift. Just wants to 'Invest in her success.' You know Lucy's leadership is pretty damn identical to how I am with my team. While I am mostly Tim there are pieces of Lucy in me as well. I related to her style of leadership quite a bit.

Aaron and Tim in the surveillance van is hilarious. Their dynamic has always entertained me. I truly adore these two goobers together. Tim is trying so hard to keep his shit together. Aaron dying of ask him if he finds it hard to surveil his old team for an OP? Tim of course gives him the company line. Doing what he is told without complaint. Pulling out some S1 Tim with that reply my love.

Tim then telling him he needs a stronger deodorant LOL It's too funny. What a boring assignment for them both. Tim went from running that entire team. Doing ops and making decisions on the fly to this….Also Aaron being too distracted by his deodorant comment to pay attention is the most Aaron thing ever haha

What I love the most about Lucy with Celina is her correcting without crushing her confidence. Once again reminding me of myself when I'm correcting my work kids on stuff. She is kind but confident in her assessment of what she did wrong in this moment. Celina receiving it well because she handles it this way. Lucy out here crushing it already with zero T.O. training. Just going off instinct and what she would want if she was a newbie still. Once again her and I very alike.

Oh Tim getting that reminder again. *heart clutch.* Sigh my boy. Aaron offering to turn it off for him. I love that he was gonna have it remind him through out the day. Pre-breakup Tim clearly didn't want to forget. Wanted to make sure he not only knew it was but to make sure to make a big deal of it. That's just an assumption on my part but man would've wanted to do that. it's the way he has 'TOMORROW.' Wanting to make sure he didn't forget such an important day. *screams into a pillow.* Aaron asking if he’s gonna get her anything? I’m sure he had stuff in mind. But yeah bad form indeed…

Tim’s sweet smile when he finds out what Aaron got her. Knowing how perfect of a gift that would be for her. That sweet knowing smile makes me wanna weep a bit. He knows his girl so well. Lot of sadness attached to the smile though. 'Can I ask why ya’ll split up?' 'No.' LMAO Took it too far Aaron....You're lucky you got that much good sir.

This scene with Mad Dog hurt my heart for Tim. No matter how wrong he was for what he did I still hate seeing this. This was what I was worried about with him working with Metro. Picking at the wounds he hasn’t even begun to heal about how he left. I knew him making notes on the OP was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Watching all his repercussions is painful to see I have to say. Knowing what we know about Mad Dog later I think that's part of why he goes off on Tim. Doesn't make it any easier to watch though...

Friggin Love Lucy being a BAMF in this episode. Especially in this moment. When she once again corrects but doesn't crush Celina about her gun. It's the way she guides Celina and has control over every situation they encounter in this ep. Proving herself a worthy teacher and leader. Also she was a better teacher to Celina in one episode than Nolan has been her entire career. Dude is a stinker of a T.O. It shows in how Celina makes basic mistakes Lucy had down pat long before this time in her rookie year.

Too bad Lucy can't finish out her training and Nolan is booted. But that'll never happen nothing sticks to that man. Not since S3 premiere. The rules and repercussions are rubber and he's glue. What doesn't stick to him does to everyone else... Grey should really evaluate his teaching skills. But that'll never happen. But she deserves a better teacher than him.

From the minute Tim entered the room something seemed very wrong. From the way Mad Dog was just expecting Tim to flog him. Like he wanted Tim to ream him out for how the OP went down. Also how Mad Dog seemed nervous af to see Dr London. I mean look at that man above. He is scared shitless she is there to see him. The way he watches her though out the scene. Especially when she leaves.

Tim's cop gut is going off like crazy when she enters the room. Wondering how the hell she even know about this? He seems to take her answer at face value because honestly its pretty good considering it's a bold faced lie. Tim once again feeling like something is very off but isn't sure why.

First let me say once again I feel personally attacked by the choice in song once again. lol I couldn't find the song to save my life. The lyrics are *chef kiss.* They're painfully accurate for them both. Think they've been very intentional with their ending music and just in general this season. These lyrics filled me with some hope as well. Jotted down the lyrics since couldn't find the song.

‘When the sun won’t shine and the words don’t rhyme. And there’s mountains you can’t move. Somethings on your mind and it’s been some time-since you felt like you were you. When it all caves in feeling paper thin. And the pain might cut right through.

Oh child, Lift up your head. All this trouble's only gonna last for awhile.’ Yeah we’re gonna be all right oh child. Lift up your head. And the light's gonna find you. When you feel like you ain’t got a friend. And you’re wondering if you ever gonna smile again. Every little thing gonna be ok. I know that you gonna see better days.’ *heart clutch.*

Damn smart of Tim saying happy birthday from Kojo and not him. I’m not crying you are. This was so so sweet. Lucy's reaction to Kojo got me all in my feels. She's so excited to see him. Then that excitement melts into sadness. Because he's an extension of Tim. The way she pet's him and says how much she misses him ugh.

Seems there is a double meaning going on there. We all know despite the hurt how much she misses her person. Tim just standing there only imagining her reaction when Kojo makes his way back. What a way to bring that sweet boy back in. I'm so happy about it. Tim is respecting her space but couldn’t let her bday go without doing something. Had to let her know her was thinking of her still. The fact that it’s happening in the hallway where so many seminal moments have played out for them.... I wanna cry.

I LOVE that Tim got Kojo to put his little paw in ink for the card. It is so sweet. Their fur baby. He put serious thought and effort into this. This was so well done. Only Melissa and Eric could have chemistry without even seeing each other. This is the first time we've really seen Lucy cry about them. 6x06 she was in complete shock. 6x07 was her processing her thoughts/emotions. She was on the verge of tears but we didn't see her cry. This was first time we've seen her shed tears on screen at least since the break up. Wanna hug her so much. She deserved this card and more. Like a real conversation with him but this is a good start.

She knows this is Tim reaching out without physically doing so. Showing her he still cares. I mean he clearly very much does. You don't put thought and effort in like this if you don't. It's a huge thing for him to do right now. Lucy recognizes the effort in this adorable act. Tim's face after she reads the card. Ripping my damn heart out. The absolute regret splayed all over it. Like it’s finally hitting him what he’s done to her. What he’s lost in the process. He gave up his favorite person. His happy place and just it’s hitting him square in his chest.

Like a freight train that’s run him over. It's the way he shakes his head. Kicking himself. Knowing he hastily threw them away. What a mistake he’s made in his irrational decision making. It’s written all over his beautiful face. He may not fully understand yet why he did it but the regret is evident. Eric be killing me. His face screams all that. Knowing he should’ve been with Lucy for her birthday. Hell probably sharing that bath bomb she brought up with her. Killing me softly. Hurts so good. Damnit writers... This is being handled so well though. So hats off to them. They both needed this moment more than either of them knew.

Mad dog killing himself....jesus H Christ. Poor Tim the last thing he needs is this. It explains why he was extra nasty to Tim though. Tim saw the flaw in his play and freaked the hell out. Also for Tim to see someone he once trusted with his life compromise themselves. Compromise the safety of their own men. Gut punch. And for what? Money? Power? We won't know till more of this unravels. Whatever it is won't be for a good reason. I know Tim hates himself for his mistakes. But those mistakes always had some form of honor attached to them.

He may not see that but I do. Now the op where he got his men killed no but what he did after was honorable. What he did for Mitch came from a honorable place. I just wonder how seeing Mad Dog doing something so very un-honorable is gonna affect him moving forward...Oh my lord I’m so mad about Dr London not because I liked her. But because I didn’t want it to derail Tim’s therapy in any way. The man needs it. Here’s hoping he continues in s7 with someone better.

Everyone was right she’s a dirty birdy. I was just hoping she wouldn’t be. But my ick and uncomfortable factor went WAY up in this ep with her. I knew it was inevitable. It's not that I didn't want to be wrong about her. It's the fact I didn't want this to hurt Aaron and I definitely I didn’t want her to be dirty for Tim that was it. For his therapy and the progress he's made. I hope this doesn’t affect his therapy journey and he can find someone not compromised in S7.

That promo for next week oh my lord….the hug! The hug! "This doesn't change anything." Then pulls him right in like nothing's changed. I will be living there from now on. Or until next week lol Love the Finale being a 2 parter as well. Phew this is gonna be an intense ending to this season. Gonna be chomping at the bit for S7 once it's done I know it. Like the song stated we're gonna see better days. I truly believe that. We got this my lovely fandom. Thank you for always being so wonderfully receptive of these reviews. Appreciate any likes, comments or reblogs that come my way.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Angela shooting Monica down with Wesley. She's an Epic Queen and I adore her.

Dr London is in alliance with Monica. That's super great….cool cool cool……I have a feeling and D and I discussed this earlier. Reminds us of Armstrong. This feels more like a she's been forced into it a situation. Because its obvious she's good at her job.

But the way she freaked out about the cops being hurt clearly shook her. She looked on the verge of tears in Mad Dog's room. So do I think she's a bad person? Unsure at the moment. Do I think she was once a good person who was manipulated into whatever this alliance is? I do. Be interesting to see how her SL unfolds.

[lady-griffin]

My Arcane Season 2 Theories

I’m going to try and post some of my theories for Arcane S2 in more depth before it airs, but the chances of that seem to be less likely with each passing day.

So, here’s a list of some of my bigger theories.

I will admit, since this is the last season, I’m not as confident in some of these as I was before, so the theories are largely listed in order of how likely I think they are (more or less).

Also, if I happen to be right or wrong - please don't confirm either way with information from the leaks, as I want to watch the show and see for myself.

Theory 1

Heimerdinger didn’t just neglect the Undercity he took direct action against the “Undercity” or the group of people before there were even the Fissures.

Basically, Heimerdinger has a very dark past and he’s not exactly the sweet, grandfatherly wise-figure S1 made him out to be.

To be clear, I don’t think he’s putting on an act and I also don’t think he’s evil (necessarily), but I 100% believe he's done some truly horrific and objectively evil things, maybe not himself, but he certainly ordered them.

He’s justified his actions by telling himself and others it was necessary for the greater good, but that's rather subjective, especially when others who aren't you are suffering for this supposed "greater good."

There are dangerous threats and realities to this world, but that doesn’t justify the cruelty that’s happened to Zaun.

Some theories fall under this one

Theory 1A

A big part of “for the greater good” was to protect people from the ‘Arcane’ or to keep it hidden.

But because of his and Piltover actions, the 'Arcane' will now be found and used.

Heimerdinger has created an extremely vulnerable population of people who are suffering and are in dire need of help, and I think Viktor will try to help these people, but they will just become 'victims' of the Hexcore and the 'Arcane.' What exactly that means, I have no idea -

Nonetheless, Heimerdinger’s past actions will directly lead to what he was trying to prevent.

Theory 1B

A decent amount of Piltover’s history has been edited, erased, or straight up rewritten for the “greater good” and “keeping the peace.”

Theory 1C

Heimerdinger and Ekko will fall apart because of Heimerdinger’s actions in the past.

I think Heimerdinger will want Ekko to ignore the past (the opposite of what he was saying last season) and instead just look towards the future, but Ekko won’t.

Or even better, Ekko will realize you can't move forward until you address the past.

Theory 1D

Piltover may be 200 years old, but “Zaun” (Kha’Zhun or Osha Va Zaun) is significantly older; perhaps not 3,000 years old like in league lore, but it’s definitely older than Piltover.

Theory 1E

Genocide of mages. Lots of genocide.

Theory 2

Jinx and Ekko will team up and be allies.

Maybe this new found partnership won’t last until the end of the season, but I think their relationship will end on a far better point then it did in S1.

It might not be perfect or super happy, but there will at least be an indication of hope for these two.

Theory 3

Jinx won’t be immune to mind-control or mind-fuckery BUT it will be nearly impossible to keep her in that state.

While Jinx might easily succumb to someone taking over or messing with her mind, she will break free of it eventually and whoever (whatever) has done that to her should be terrified.

Obviously, this depends on who or what is going to be doing this and how they’ll do it, but unlike the majority of the other characters, Jinx doesn’t blindly trust her reality.

Because she can’t.

She's well aware that what she sees and hears isn’t always real, which is very unique to her.

The other characters have never had to question their reality let alone doubt what they’re seeing and hearing and that’ll make them even more vulnerable to this potential mind-fuckery or control than even Jinx is.

I also think Jinx is far more observant and intelligent then whoever (whatever) is going to be trying to control her thinks she is. Plus, her way of thinking and viewing the world is very unique to her and it won’t be easy to replicate and that’s not even including the fact she is very crazy.

Basically, I think Jinx’s mental instability is going to make her very vulnerable, but also give her a chance to fight back or really the life and experiences she’s had due to her mental instability will help her in one way or another.

A mini theory that's really more of a hope

BLANK will try to control or hurt Jinx using the memory or image of Silco, but this will be their downfall, as it won't work and they'll have a very furious Jinx to deal with.

Using Silco won’t work because Jinx can’t pretend she didn’t kill him, her guilt and self-loathing won’t let her. In addition, Jinx knew Silco better than anyone, certainly better than BLANK will know him, even if they are using Jinx's mind or memories.

What I’m really hoping for is Jinx won’t let anyone take Silco’s love away from her.

Silco’s love for his daughter will ultimately be a positive thing and help her when she’s at her lowest point – I'm imagining a similar scene to Vi being down for the count, but then “Vander” encouraged her to get up.

Theory 4

Vi won’t become Vi from the game; rather than becoming Piltover’s enforcer, she’ll end up as an enforcer for the Undercity – as in she’ll be a protector of Zaun.

Theory 5

Mel will be badly injured from Jinx’s bomb, but is ultimately saved by the Hexcore.

It will “heal” her, which won’t be a good thing in the end, as it will likely “corrupt” her and we’ll see her become a loyal servant to it or even controlled by it.

This could be why we see Ambessa in the area where that stained-glass bubble thing is, seemingly telling her men to charge while she has tears in her eyes.

Theory 6

Kino Medarda is alive.

Ambessa definitely think’s he dead, she wasn’t lying or trying to manipulate Mel, but Kino is alive and well (relatively speaking).

He’s either acting against his mother or whoever Ambessa thought killed him, or both. I think he will be an ally to his sister and if I'm right about Theory 5, important to her story and waking up from the Hexcore's control.

Theory 7

Jinx brought Fiddlesticks into the world in S1, Ep5 “Everyone Wants to Be My Enemy”

I’m sticking by this theory until the very end, even as it becomes more and more unlikely.

I just think it’s weird the first time we’re told how hextech works - basically opening up a gateway to the realm of the heebie-jeebies (Jinx’s words) and then after that explanation there’s a giant blast from Jinx's attempt at hextech, and then suddenly crows are very, very interested in Jinx.

Also let’s be real, Jinx is the one person whose luck is so bad that the first time she officially tries to use hextech, she opened a gateway or created a big enough rift which allowed Fiddlesticks back into the world.

Jayce and Viktor can play around with the stuff all they want without ever bringing forth any kind of demon, but Jinx does it ONCE and she summons the one and only primordial demon of fear, because of course she did. Of course, her luck is that bad.

And while not so much literally (though maybe, but I doubt it) there could be a bit of a Fiddlesticks vs Janna kind of thing with Jinx – as in who is Jinx?

Is she Fiddlestick’s Crow of Death or Janna’s Bluebird of Freedom?

I think if this were to happen it would be a symbolic “battle” more than anything, but this is a world where this stuff does indeed exist, so it's technically possible.

So, there we have it.

Some of these are pretty obvious, but I would feel remiss if I didn’t mention them. And others...

Listen if I happen to be right, I just want to point to this post and say – SEE!!! Look, I Was Right!!!!

But we shall see as November 9th (my birthday) approaches ever closer.

[zykamiliah]

relationship status: crowley and the bookshop, aziraphale and the bentley

apparently it won't leave me alone unless i write it down so here it goes: the way aziraphale treats the bentley and the way crowley treats the bookshop are metaphors about the status of their relationship and, to an extent, how they relate to each other

i mean yeah that was kind of obvious at the moment i was watching episode 3, but i didn't realize the implications of this particular metaphor until much much later (bc i didn't binged the season), after i watched the end of the last episode.

so here it goes!

i have no idea of other people have already talked about this, in which case i won't apologize since writing down this is part of my post-s2 coping strategies

crowley and the bookshop

crowley doesn't live in the bookshop per se, he doesn't rest there, he doesn't put his plants there, but it is where he spend a good chunk of his time. he's comfortable enough to takes off his sunglasses , meaning he's comfortable being himself there (mostly); the bookshop his anchor, and his world revolves around it.

what's important here is that when tasked with taking care of it without supervision, guarding it and its contents, he changes nothing about it.

i mean he's a bit careless with some books (don't throw them around ahhh!!) but for the most part he does nothing but to keep things as they are. he doesn't try to sell the books, he doesn't rearrange or change the furniture. the one time he does is after the whole business with heaven and hell and gabriel and beelzebub going off together, and he just puts everything back as it was before the party.

crowley loves the bookshop as it is, the same way he loves humanity as it is, the same way he loves aziraphale as he is. he doesn't want aziraphale to change. he takes care of him, helps him with everything he asks of him, is very protective of him; however in the same way he doesn't technically live in the bookshop and isn't a bookseller ("not even at gunpoint"), he has never said how he really feels about aziraphale, despite what his actions indicate.

crowley's love steadfast, and quiet, and there, but never fully realized. same as their relationship. aziraphale has let him in, but not completely. and crowley hasn't dare to take more space than he is allowed, because he doesn't want to lose what they have.

aziraphale and the bentley

in a mirror of how he relates to crowley, aziraphale asks the bentley to do things for him in that kind, authoritative way of his, and they get along fantastically. however when getting unsupervised alone time with the bentley, aziraphale proceeds to change its color, the music it plays, and even adds things to its interior. in its essence, the bentley remains the same, but its make up gets swapped for what aziraphale would like to see, what he thinks it's nice.

the bentley indulges aziraphale, because just like its owner, it's head over heels with him. it'll play aziraphale's music of choice without complain, it'll change his own color and go as fast as aziraphale likes it (which is veeeery slow), and it'll follow him around like a puppy; that's how much the bentley loves aziraphale.

crowley has to scold and demand and threaten aziraphale to get him to change the bentley back. and aziraphale is forced to comply, not because crowley asked, but because his own books were on the line. mercifully, he doesn't try to change the bentley's appearance again, though he still asks it to play him music that isn't beepop.

in retrospective it's glaringly obvious what this is about, which is: aziraphale thinking that crowley should be an angel. more specifically, that since crowley is good, and knows right from wrong better than aziraphale, it must mean that deep down crowley is still an angel. aziraphale just needs to bring it out, to make it happen.

but thing is, i don't think aziraphale realizes that crowley (and the bentley) being good to him in particular doesn't mean they want to be Good in the way aziraphale thinks heaven should be. because there's nothing good about heaven, something that s2 pointed out in more than one occasion.

aziraphale still can't let go of heaven, or distance himself from angelhood the way crowley has let go of hell (and heaven) and demonhood. he was forced to give it up when confronted with the end of the world, but it wasn't by choice. so a part of him still wants to go back; so, when given the chance to do so, he accepts.

this is all part of his character's journey. no matter how many times crowley tells him heaven is toxic, or how many times aziraphale experiences it for himself, he needs to realize it and let go of heaven by choice.

but as for now, he is still trying to pull crowley to his side, back to heaven, because, from his point of view, that's how it should be, because crowley is good! crowley know when to do the right thing! crowley asks questions! so if aziraphale is going to be supreme archangel, he wants to restore crowley to his rightful place, which is high up in heaven, doing good things, inventing things, bringing galaxies to life.

aziraphale's love (presently) is about relying in and allowing crowley to do things for him, about letting him into his safe space, (to a certain limit), doing things with and spending time with crowley, and trying to do what he thinks it's best for crowley. he still can't admit to other people or crowley or himself that they are together even when he says things like "our car", "it's my shop but we both get plenty of use out of it", but that's because he feels shame, and because he still hasn't let go of heaven's ideals and expectations.

which brings us to-

Heaven and God as a metaphor of Home and Family

in a way, what's happened at the end of s2 is that metatron (mom's assistant...?) came back to say "hey so since your big brother (gabriel) has run off with the enemy, we want you to come back to take care of the family business(running things in heaven)." previously crowley had been kicked out for asking questions, has been resentful about the whole thing for millennia, but when asked if he'd want to go back, he is not tempted at all. there's not lost love between him and his the other angels. the two times he sneaked back home(heaven), it didn't look like he was attached, even he was still somewhat familiar with it.

now as for his relationship with mom (God) that's an entire different matter. because he was still cast out for being who he is, for questioning authority, and that's a trauma he still carries with him.

but if crowley was the one that got kicked out, aziraphale is the one that stayed and tried to be as was expected of him. he tried to fit in with his family, even if secretly he was doing things they would frown upon. he'd try not to question authority, he'd be in denial about heaven's cruelty even when it smacks him in the face, because he doesn't want to be kicked out. and when he does get kicked out, somewhat, it's because he had to make a hard choice. but same as crowley, it's not like he wanted to, and he's still an angel, despite his own humanity and all his earthly attachments.

so when given the opportunity to go back home, to take the reins and do things as he thinks they should be done, and consequently be in a good relationship with his family and mom, he says yes. because he thinks that's what he should do, he thinks that's what he wants. mom asked her assistant to tell him that he could come back to run the family business! how could aziraphale say no?

he'll realize he doesn't need heaven, eventually. and he'll make his choice, and once he realizes that Heaven=/=Good, that Love=/=Heaven, he'll be ready to accept crowley as he is, without ever trying to change anything about him. and he'll let crowley in fully.

and they'll finally live together.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The Sydcarmy dynamic

I just had this chat with OOMF and whilst I've been posting about Carmy because it's easier for me to get into his headspace, I never really went over their dynamic before here. I definitely have in my fics and while watching and re-watching the show for the past 3 months. Because that's how long it's been since I discovered The Bear, 3 months only, I started watching it on New Year's Eve while I was getting dressed to go to this party and by January 1st I had finished S2. That's what this show did to my head.

So, let's get into it!

From my perspective, the Sydcarmy choreography is the following:

The real Carmy is this aloof guy who only REALLY listens to Syd when she's distressed. And only then he gets his shit together for her.

He pushes all her buttons first (when he's the distressed one, he shuts down, he changes the rules).

And only then he behaves for a while, to get on her good side again. But then the real Carmy strikes again. And it’s an endless cycle of push and pull.

However, Syd secretly enjoys this because she sees this as:

"Awww he’s willing to change for me, for us ❤️".

“He’s shitty but he’s also trying and imma help him! Awww”.

And she’s right. He is trying and he can certainly be shitty.

And he is changing because of her, because of them. That's his arc.

And he pays her back by being the only person other than her father with whom she can be her vulnerable self.

She doesn’t allow herself to be truly vulnerable with anyone else.

She can let go of her G Woman mask in front of him knowing that he will never use that against her. Ever. That’s why they help each other.

They support each other in this journey of him being less shitty and she being more vulnerable. That is what makes them stronger. They are stronger together and that is why things fall apart when they are not together and that is why they will keep coming back to each other no matter how far apart they drift at different points of this journey. They will always gravitate towards one another because they "existentially" need and choose each other to grow. They basically push each other in the right direction. That is why they acknowledged that they make each other better. They are finally getting themselves to admit it! YAY! That's progress.

Their relationship is not based on love, respect, or even friendship but on trust. The rest comes later for them, as a consequence of the latter.

That’s why they are loyal to each other and when Claire was around Syd felt betrayed.

It wasn't jealousy. Not all of it, it was more than that.

It was loyalty, territorial loyalty.

She doesn’t wanna share because that threatens his loyalty, not necessarily because she’s jealous of Claire. She also feels jealousy, yes, but not consciously, anyway... because she is nowhere ready to admit yet that she has feelings for Carmy in a way a business partner shouldn't. She's not there yet. And he has recently gotten to that point, after the panic attack. So, basically, they are not there yet. I go over that here.

What Syd didn't know and it's a game changer, btw, was that Carmy was never ���loyal” to Claire. He was just with Claire as a sublimation. Let me explain:

He was projecting. All the things he didn't allow himself to feel or do with Syd, he was projecting onto Claire.

That’s why at first he was reticent but when he realized he could do this with Claire, he was game! And finally, let Claire in. She had to fight her way in, he wasn't necessarily inviting at first. We all know how that turned out though... Not his brightest moment.

Now Carmy is ahead of the curve, compared to Sydney. He already had his realization/Eureka! moments during and post-panic attack and the walk-in moment, both catalytic.

Syd on the other hand, has a longer way to go in terms of self-awareness. That's why on the surface she seems to be keeping things more together. She is, for now. But she will have her walk-in moment too or some kind of trigger that will force her to deal with what she's been burying under a pile of excuses and rationalizations that serve her status-quo purposes, as mere defense mechanisms. Because the change will not come willingly, it will be forced and it probably won't be pretty.

They have that in common and it's also part of their dynamic → Taking things to a breaking point before moving forward, before LETTING IT RIP.

[nayeliq1]

Another post s2 fic idea that won't let me go. One day after he left for heaven, Crowley suddenly sees Aziraphale in the street and ofc he can't stop himself from going to talk to him. "So you're back, huh. Just checking in, I assume, sure your services are indispensable up there, Mr Supreme Archangel" but Aziraphale just turn to him with a blank expression and goes "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Heaven pulled another memory wipe on him. Anything concerning himself is gone, who he is, what he likes, who he knows, can't remember anything of what makes him himself. And it just instantly make all the anger and grief Crowley was holding from the rejection vanish bc all of a sudden Aziraphale is here again but he's not really Aziraphale anymore and maybe Crowley can live in a world where Aziraphale left him but he can't imagine living in a world where Aziraphale doesn't exist

So ofc he'll make it his mission to take care of him and try everything to make him remember and get his angel back. And the dread of Aziraphale not knowing him at all is overtaking the pain of Aziraphale rejecting him, and suddenly nothing is more important than taking care of his angel, bc he still IS his angel even if he doesn't remember it, and so Crowley starts on a journey around the world trying to bring Aziraphale back by showing him all the places they had a significant moment together, getting increasingly desperate when it isn't working, but Aziraphale is still as sweet and kind and beautiful as he always has been, and he's smiling at Crowley again (maybe it'd be better if he didn't get his memories back, maybe Crowley could keep him then, make him happy, if he doesn't remember about heaven there's nothing to take him away again- BUT NO NO he can't do that he can't be that selfish he HAS to get the real Aziraphale back even if it means he'll leave again and Crowley will lose him again-)

Meanwhile Aziraphale doesn't know who this stranger is but he's lovely and kind and has the most stunning eyes, and he shows him a beautiful bookshop (smth he'd like to own if he ever were to have a business) and he takes him to Paris and Rome and a graveyard in Scotland, asking him stange questions and always looking at him so hopefully- and Aziraphale would love to make him happy by doing whatever it is this crowley wants from him but he just doesn't know- except there are weird flashes in his mind sometimes, so quick he can't be sure if they're real or not, and it doesn't really matter bc he's quite content just travelling the world with Crowley even not knowing why Crowley is doing it, bc the longer they're together the more aziraphale realizes that this kind grumpy man might just be exactly the kind of person he could find himself falling in love with....

[maxphilippa]

Nickel's sense of guilt and fear of change. [Character/II S3 Episode 14 Analysis, part 1/?]

Today, the longest episode of Invitational has dropped, and I have many thoughts of it as well. Might do more posts analyzing the events that ocurred as of now in canon, but I would like to talk about the heaviest part in the lore and how most people are not getting it completely (in my opinion), and that being: Nickel's current point of view of Balloon and his relationship with Suitcase and BB.

We all know that Nickel's actions hurted the Grand alliance, but what happened in the episode is that they showed how apparently, Nickel doesn't get exactly that things were completely fucked up.

In the episode, he mainly focuses on the good memories he had with BB and Suitcase, and doesn't even seem to hate Suitcase either, unlike what most people thought (me included to an extent, though I did see him being hurt mostly with their relationship and what happened in s2), but.

Nickel doesn't realize that he actually fucked up with them a lot, and that's the main issue.

Like, sure. He knows that stuff were messy at points but that's all he says. He mainly focuses on the good moments he had with them, maybe that's a product of him growing once he got eliminated and came to terms with himself that "well yeah there was a bit complicated shit but we still had fun together", but deep down he feels a sort of... guilt? Regarding Suitcase.

But even then, Balloon scolds him for trying to erase the times where Nickel made all of them feel bad. Hell! Even then Balloon recognizes that Nickel hurted Baseball deeply! And he says how Suitcase was the only one who had enough courage to stand up for her! Because hey! Nickel did use the same treatment that he used with Suitcase on Baseball! But the difference is that BaseBall kept making excuses for him!

The person who Nickel has been, alongside Baseball, "ignoring" of some sorts, has been Suitcase.

But here's the thing as well: Nickel doesn't know how to make things better again.

Nickel doesn't understand... feelings and complex emotions to put it shortly. He's afraid of change, and the way he just ignores the bad stuff that happened and tries to say that it's the only way that things can work, is... somewhat sad. Nickel doesn't understand a lot of stuff. He probably thinks that, at the end of the day, those were just little conflicts and that there was more good than bad.

But... that would mean he would also be running away from his consciousness over what Suitcase told him.

About how none of what they had was real.

He doesn't realize the damage he has done because hey. As much as you all like to think that Nickel didn't have his reasons to be a dick towards Balloon, he did. He actually did. He even mentions it in this episode, that if Balloon didn't try to manipulate everyone just as S1 started, maybe things would be different.

Nickel SAW and KNOWS Balloon's by his awful actions, and he wanted to protect BaseBall and Suitcase from him, since he thinks that Balloon CAN'T be trust-worthy after everything he did in S1.

That's why he was so aggressive as well towards Balloon. Yes, he cared for BaseBall, but he also cared for Suitcase deeply. The thing is that Suitcase was Balloon's friend, and Nickel can't bring himself to think that someone who he saw being such an awful person, could possibly be targetting someone who he cares about as well. So that's why he tried to push Balloon away for so long. He tried to keep his relationship with Suitcase and BB, he even says it in S2 when Suitcase confesses that she voted for him.

But of course, this is even more complicated. Both Nickel and Balloon fucked up, but Nickel fucked up for a longer time. Balloon was actually changing, and Nickel did only take the protective stance when this was happening. Which like, Nickel was right on that. He had his reasons to NOT trust Balloon. The problem is that he couldn't accept that Balloon was changing, and that he wasn't realizing that his actions were hurting both BB and Suitcase.

What I think that people don't get, or what hurts me the most, is the fact that Nickel is in denial. But it's merely the fact that when he hears Suitcase's voice, he doesn't get angry or mad, or even panics, no.

He's just... shocked.

What are you supposed to tell someone who went through hell, thanks to you, even if you tried to protect her from whom you thought was bad? What are you supposed to tell the friend who you tried to protect and instead hurted them in awful ways?

What are you even supposed to do in that situation?

It's not only that, but the fact that he didn't even think twice when walking towards her, didn't even question if she was truly Suitcase. Like, he immediately went on and tried to explain himself to her-

He completely forgot about everything because he wanted to talk to her and, I do think that he feels guilty for what he did, but he can't put it to words/can't understand it completely after all- but his first instict after seeing Suitcase is to talk to her about it.

He wants to explain himself to her- maybe even apologize, but he doesn't know how.

The thing is that Nickel is smart. With logical stuff, not feelings, according to Adam himself. And that fucks it all up for him.

Nickel can't handle change.

Suitcase can understand change.

Balloon is always changing.

And BaseBall can't keep up with it.

And that shows it here.

Nickel is a complicated character. Guilt is eating him constantly but he lacks emotional intelligence. He can accept that stuff went wrong, but seem doesn't understand what or why they did go wrong.

He regrets what he did to Suitcase most likely judging from his behaviour the mere second he saw her, but he can't tell why exactly. Same thing as Nickel probably realizing that he keeps on messing up the more he clings into that mentality. He tries to move on from the past, but he can't. He even says it. There's no way to make things feel better as of now, so that's why he pretends.

But there is a way.

He just... needs to talk it out with Suitcase and Balloon.

That being said, thank you for reading this.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

So overall I don't like the OFMD Reddit. I've tried to create a post about why narratively I felt S2 didn't work ignoring the Izzy stuff, one only about the Izzy stuff(since there are very few Izzy-focused fans on there), then another talking about Olu/Jim/(Archie/Zheng) talking about why I was disappointed in it. If it's a negative post, moderators won't approve the post to go live. Which I don't love. But okay, if you want a positive echo chamber to offset Tumblr and Twitter about this season, sure.

I still check it out of curiosity when I stumble across this GEM.

We've had quite a bit of time to debate this. Almost two years, and this was posted 11/15/23. Yes, the OP was very kind (I agree that Ed thought that Stede was cool cause he beat Izzy, and was a new pirate on the scene. Then once he realizes how dumb the crew is the plan springs up into place), and I'm not hating on them specifically. Just that some social media places are just still at this point.

I blame a large section of the fanbase for not EVER reading any Izzy POV meta. Who are now scrambling to go back to rewatch S1 knowing what we know about Izzy now.

If you want to see all the responses, ranging from those I agree with to those that are just wild, let me know, I might put the link in the comments my favorites range from. 'Blackbeard wanted to but Ed didn't' to the usual Izzy is a superhuman being. To 'ALL THIS WAS JUST TO KEEP IZZY ON THE SHIP'?

Do they not see how INTERESTING the dynamic between Ed and Izzy is? That their relationship is giving and pulling at just the right times? Izzy trying to maintain their shield and Ed desperately trying to find a life where he doesn't hate himself? Both of them DON'T REALLY WANT THIS-Ed being openly suicidal to Izzy keeping his head down and working- living day by day- each NOT talking about their issues.

That hiding behind the Blackbeard name is the only way they'll survive? That killing Stede Bonnet could genuinely give Ed the out he craves. Izzy could then Captain a ship full of a crew that (theoretically) already fears and respects him?

[Not that Izzy would be good at it, or even want to be away from Ed, but you get my point. This was a *change in their lives* that is VERY tempting to two men who have been in survival mode for YEARS-

Also, it's very obvious Jenkins didn't plan Izzy's character out, so Izzy wanting to captain to me can just be written off as Jenkins not knowing the character yet, since he NEVER PAYS THE SCENE -WHERE IZZY IS FLATTERED AT POTENTIALLY BEING GIVEN TITLE CAPTIN-OFF (cough cough Izzy could have been the captain/first mate S2ep8)...moving on]

If Lucius didn't stumble in, Ed would have killed Stede here. He was aiming for a fatal spot in his neck and actively swinging down, I couldn't find a gif and had to take a photo on my phone, but you get my point.

Ed then realizes that not only was he willing to kill a guy who, overall, had been very kind to him, but then gets the Kraken as a reminder that he HAS killed. That he's spent his entire life killing to put himself into a better spot. Slowly rising up the ranks, and it's never been enough to keep him happy. Be it his dad, or fuck, even killing this rich dude and stealing his identity.

~BUT NO~

Izzy is SO EVIL guys, Ed doesn't want to kill Stede! He just has to pretend to be violent in front of Izzy so Izzy doesn't mutiny or leave him!! Doesn't that TOTALLY make sense? Ed's struggling since he never wanted to kill Stede, and he's struggling with the 'order' Izzy gave him!!

[Ignoring how Ed wanted to help him retire in the first place, how Izzy nudges Ed to follow the fisherman thing, and how Ed wanted Izzy to *stay* in the first place.]

The reddit is FILLED with takes like this, btw. Sorry if it seems like straw-manning, but I can find the posts if you need them.

[moments-on-film]

Moments on Film: Carmen Berzatto and Connell Waldron - Character Analysis

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a lot quieter on this site, and my analysis of The Bear, and that’s because I have been deeply engrossed in finally watching Normal People. I realize the show came out in 2020, but for whatever reason, I missed it when it was first released. Knowing that Paul Mescal has multiple films on the current/upcoming film festival circuit, All of Us Strangers, and Foe, the first of which, already garnering stellar reviews, and the latter, based on a sci-fi book of the same name, which I read and enjoyed, I decided to watch this piece of work from his oeuvre so I can better assess his range.

To put it simply, I found Normal People very compelling, moving, and heartbreaking. The acting from the two main characters is stellar. One of the other things I noticed, are the seemingly endless connections to the main characters in The Bear—in particular, Connell Waldron and Carmen Berzatto. Although these characters are different and a world apart, one in Chicago, Illinois and one in Sligo, Ireland, watching this show was like viewing many of the same problems through another character’s eyes.

On the surface, there are so many obvious similarities, (like the fact that they both religiously wear a chain necklace, Connell’s silver, and Carmy’s gold), but underneath there are multiple traits, insecurities, weaknesses, strengths, and patterns of behavior that stood out so clearly to me that I felt compelled to start writing this piece. In my opinion, both The Bear and Normal People are coming of age stories, because both feature multiple protagonists who are on a journey to discover who they really are and what actually brings them purpose, peace, fulfilment and joy. In a prior piece, I analyzed why I believe Carmy Doesn’t Know Who He Is Yet, and while the reasons may be different, the same is true for Connell Waldron. Below are several examples I noticed of the shared similarities between Carmy and Connell.

Please note: If you watch The Bear, but not Normal People, or vice versa, and you want/plan to, heart this post and come back to it after viewing to avoid major spoilers. If this doesn’t bother you, please, read on, and thank you, but I wanted to give fair warning. 🧡

Communication

Both Carmy and Connell struggle with this desperately. In The Bear, Carmy has trouble putting words to feelings, but he has them, he feels very deeply. In Normal People, Connell struggles to identify what he is feeling. These issues cause both of them, and the people in their lives, so much pain and suffering. Carmy’s life of abuse and trauma has forced him to stifle how he feels about situations he’s in, placate and appease others, and silence himself. In 1x6, Carmy tells his sister Natalie, “most of the time, I feel sort of trapped, because I can’t describe how I’m feeling.” Connell, on the other hand, is so worried about what others will think of him and his choices that he denies his true feelings, to the point where he often can’t even identify them himself. In 1x2 Connell tells Marianne that he struggles to know what he feels, “I might look back on something and think how I felt at the time, but, when it’s happening I never have any idea.” There are so many moments in both stories where one or two sentences would save them and their loved ones a world of hurt, but neither one is capable in several key moments that really count.

Crippling Indecision

Both characters suffer from this. In S2 of The Bear, Carmy is trying to straddle building his dream restaurant, and being in a relationship that is pulling him from everything he needs to be doing to open it. In 2x8, Sydney tells Carmy, “I just think you need to decide...” I have read much into this line because, due to his past, there are so many questions in Carmy’s life that he’s never been allowed to/allowed himself to explore enough to answer. In Normal People, Connell starts out not even knowing what he wants to study in college. He only comes to a decision when Marianne tells him very clearly what makes the most sense, based on her observations, and she’s right. Both of them look to the women in their lives go help them make key decisions.

Talent for Their Craft—with Barriers

Carmen is a talented and award winning chef. Before he’s left The Beef in his brother’s will, he conquered the world of fine dining. He’s risen to the top of his profession. He was even awarded the James Beard Rising Star Chef award from his time as a chef at Fairest Creatures, in Malibu and retained 3 Michelin Stars as CDC of Eleven Madison Park in New York. However, in S2, he struggles with crafting the menu for the new iteration of The Beef, The Bear. He’s torn between incorporating nostalgic dishes from his past, and new forward moving dishes created in partnership with Sydney. Connell is a talented student and sports player when we first meet him, and he goes on to be a “star” student at Trinity College, in Dublin, recipient of a prestigious scholarship, and editor of the publication of the literary society. However, in his work, (at times), as in his life, both suffer from his lack of communication. He receives a letter in response to a short story he submits that says his work “lacked a clear voice and confidence.” This problem affects all areas of his life, not just his professional one. Both Carmy and Connell’s work suffers because of their personal issues which they have yet to work out.

Soulmates

The relationships between Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne have many parallels. Both couples (yes, couples) trust and confide in each other exclusively. They are each other’s confidant, and safe place. This gets tested for each couple when they are not truly honest with themselves about what the other means to them and when they let outside forces mess with their cosmic connection. Carmy ends up going out with Claire, partly due to the outside pressure from his family. Connell has a beautiful budding relationship with Marianne in the beginning of the show, but capitulates to outside pressure from his group of friends to do what is expected of him and be with the popular, but mean, Rachel. When he does this, it illicited the exact same response from me as when Carmy ditched Sydney to help Claire run an errand. Both moments had me yelling at my TV, “what are you DOING?! How could you do this to her?!” The thing is, both sets of characters have such a magnetic pull on each other, that outside forces can only penetrate for so long. Their paths are deeply intertwined. Carmy essentially asks Sydney to join him in opening a restaurant, and Sydney says yes. Marianne effectively asks Connell to join her at Trinity College, and he says yes. Both decisions will advance their relationships, personally and professionally. I must note that I don’t believe either ask is selfish. Carmy sees Sydney has talents and skills that compliment if not exceed his, and he wants her to shine. Marianne sees Connell’s talent and passion for English and knows Trinity is the best school. Another beautiful parallel is the fact that they are so deeply connected they they can literally read each other’s minds. Carmy and Sydney regularly start and finish each other’s sentences. They think alike, they dress alike. Carmy selects a chef coat for Sydney that could have been designed by her. In Normal People, Connell actually tells Marianne, “you know sometimes I felt like I could read your mind…..but I don’t know…maybe that’s normal.” Marianne stares at him deeply and pauses before saying “it’s not.” And it isn’t. These two sets of characters have a connection that is unique, special, and written in the stars.

Wasting Time with the Wrong People

Both Carmy and Connell go through trying to force relationships with other people that are just not right for them. Marianne does this too. We have not seen this yet from Sydney, but we may, as the show (hopefully) goes on. Carmy, for a variety of reasons, tries to be in a relationship with Claire. Early on, Connell succumbs to pressure to be linked with Rachel, who he doesn’t even like. Later in the show, he is in a placid and passionless relationship with Helen Brophy. Both Claire and Helen are or will be Doctors. Claire is in her last few months of residency, and Helen is at Trinity studying medicine. Neither woman is right for Carmy or Connell, which pulls them from their respective soulmates.

People Pleasing and Trouble Saying No

Carmy’s abusive upbringing has made him a people pleaser to some extent. He has had the completely arduous task of literally being in charge of managing his mother’s emotions and mood swings, as well as his brother’s. He doesn’t want to rock the boat or make people upset. This makes him say yes to people and situations he may not actually agree with and is another reason why he has trouble expressing his feelings and what he wants. This is a reason why he drops his work and Sydney to please Claire when she asks for a favor. Connell, from what we know, has a loving mother, but he is an only child and has no father, and seeks outside validation from friends. He’s very aware that his relationships are conditional and he very much goes along to get along, much to his detriment. An early example of this is when Rob asks to copy his French homework and he hands over all of his hard work without question. In the background of this scene, you can hear another character ask someone else for theirs and they give an unshakeable, “no.” Carmen and Connell struggle with boundaries that would protect them because they don’t want to risk making people upset.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Both suffer from this. Actually both shows do an excellent job at uplifting the struggles of mental health, particularly for young men. Among other things, Carmen has undiagnosed PTSD from his trauma that manifests in sleep walking nightmares and severe panic attacks. When panic overtakes him, he literally is gripped in its clutches, and can barely breathe or move. The first time we witness him having a panic attack, it’s because he gets a phone call from someone asking for his brother who doesn’t know he has died by suicide. He gets so shaken, it impacts him physically and he has to physically remove himself from the restaurant. Connell has his first panic attack the moment he experiences just how conditional his friendships truly are. In 1x3, after he finally defends Marianne, his secret girlfriend who he loves, but is unpopular, to his friends, helps take care of her and takes her home, he shows up at school the next day and is relentlessly teased. Experiencing the way his friends will just turn on him on a dime causes him so much anxiety, he has to run to the bathroom and has a panic attack in the stalls. Connell also struggles with depression after his friend, later in the show, dies by suicide. He has a panic attack, so bad, he can’t even leave the house. Unlike Carmy (so far), Connell eventually gets treatment, and we see him start to even out emotionally. It must be said that during the final panic attack we witness Carmy endure, it is the thought of Sydney that pulls him through. Connell has treatment, but he also has the support of Marianne during his most major time of need. Both turn to these women in their lives for their strength in moments of great distress.

Al-Anon / Counseling Share Session

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

Season 1 of The Bear culminates for Carmy emotionally when he reaches a breaking point, and in an effort to get help, makes a decision to not only attend an Al-Anon meeting, but get up and share many details about his background and his brother and it becomes crystal clear how deeply his absence has and continues to impact his life. Jeremy Allen White acts this 7 minute uncut scene with his whole heart, making us feel for him in every moment. He is spilling his guts, while restraining his deep, deep trauma, sadness and pain. His eyes brim with tears the whole time, tears he has still yet to shed. In one of the final episodes of Normal People, at the recommendation of his roommate, Connell goes to a free counseling session, sits in a chair, and starts for the first time ever to truly speak his mind, including how the suicide of his friend has impacted him, what Marianne means to him, and how he hates his current station in life but feels like there’s nothing for him to go back to in his hometown. Paul Mescal, like Jeremy Allen White completely carries this scene with the power of his acting in an extreme closeup. Unlike Carmy, Connell breaks down, and his emotions gush out in free flowing sobs. Both actors make the correct decision to barely make eye contact. Sharing this much is new for them and makes them uncomfortable, so for the most part, they keep their eye-line down, but despite this, the vulnerability is palpable we can really and truly see, hear and feel all of their pain.

Coming to Terms With What They Want

Gif source: @birthdaysentiment

I think the ultimate goal of both characters, Carmen and Connell, is to decide what they want, free themselves from the expectations, opinions, thoughts, or suggestions from others, and go get it. As I said, both Normal People and The Bear are coming of age stories. Both stories highlight the transformative power of love and the confidence to make choices for yourself with that knowledge that there will be someone there to love you no matter what. For Connell, it has been such a journey for him to come to terms with the fact that writing is his true calling. In the end of the show, he has the incredible opportunity to go to New York and take his place in a prestigious MFA program. At first, he is so scared to leave. Marianne is his rock and he loves her. He’s scared to leave and be alone in a strange city without support, without her. He asks her to come with him, but she knows this is a journey he needs to go on alone and she wants to stay in Ireland and live the life she’s living. She encourages him to go, and reassures him they will be ok. In The Bear, Carmy is not at this place yet. As I mentioned earlier, I have written about how at the present, Carmy doesn’t really know who is is or what he wants. However, we as an audience can see that his gentle spirit is attracted to art, drawing, and creativity. This has been beaten out of him, but I believe art is his true calling, he’s just never been allowed to pursue it. If we get more seasons of The Bear, I hope we will see Carmy have a similar breakthrough in reigniting and going after his dreams and letting go of what no longer serves him or brings him joy. I truly believe that he and Sydney will be a part of each other’s lives no matter what. In the kitchen or outside of it, in Ireland, or away, Carmen and Sydney and Connell and Marianne are connected in ways that time and space can’t break.

There are many, many other parallels to be made in both stories (which I may continue to write about). Connell and Marianne’s stories have come to an end, as Normal People was one season, and based on a book. We know where his journey takes him, but we can only speculate where else he may go, and if he and Marianne find their way back to each other. Carmy, on the other hand, is a character on a show that hopefully will have several more seasons, so his future is unclear. I just hope he can get the help he needs to heal and the strength and support to discover who he is and what brings him joy. I hope he, like Connell, mends and maintains his relationship with Sydney no matter where life takes him, especially if it leads him out of the kitchen.

Both The Bear and Normal People are at times, beautiful, tender, heartbreaking, poignant, and hopeful. They shine a brave light on what it means to be open, vulnerable, complex, flawed, trying, failing, succeeding, and most of all, human. Both series also show so beautifully how we need community and each other to raise us up, lift us out of our darker places and reach and keep reaching for light in our lives to be our truest and best selves. As Marianne tells Connell in the final episode as both she and Connell cry, “we have done so much good for one another.” I see this in Carmen, in Sydney, in Connell, in Marianne, and in so many other characters on both shows. And in this life, at the end of the day, isn’t that the most important gift? And we each have it—the ability to change someone’s life for the better.

©️moments-on-film 2023

[qprstobin]

home back to you - pt 1

So my friends knew this was coming - finally posting the first part of the Steve/tommy/carol post S2 fic ❤️

Summary:

Steve’s fight with Billy is exactly the kick in the pants Tommy (and Carol) need to make amends with Steve. Now if only Steve and his weird security detail full of bratty middle schoolers made it easier to talk to him. The Steve/Tommy/Carol post-s2 fic that no one has been asking for but me <3

AO3 Link | Pt. 2

Minor tw: some ableist language, tommy badmouthing Jonathan and Nancy (tho this is NOT a bashing fic), the S2 shower scene being weird as hell

Tommy thought that Billy Hargrove was the best thing to happen to Hawkins High since Steve Harrington ditched his throne (and Tommy and Carol along with it).

Billy was wild in a way that was hard to match, sending fire thrumming through Tommy’s veins and scorching the hole that Steve had left behind. He was making things exciting again, shaking up the social hierarchy in a way that Tommy felt (or well, Carol pointed out) he could use to his advantage. It didn’t take long for the two of them to be practically attached at the hip, reminding him of earlier, easier days.

(Days he was trying hard to forget.)

A part of him was also watching how Billy circled Ste- Harrington, like a hawk circling its prey, reminding him of the nature documentaries he liked to watch when he was sick. It would worry him, maybe, the look in Billy’s eyes, if he wasn’t hoping this would be the thing that truly unseated Steve. That made him return to normal, drop Wheeler and come crawling back to him and Carol.

(He thought that Steve would’ve broken up with Nancy months ago, they’d never fought for this long before-)

Tommy came to regret that sentiment after everything played out.

It started at practice – well, if Tommy was being honest with himself (which he was trying to get better at, with mixed results), it likely started from the first moment that Billy laid his ice blue eyes on Harrington, that night at Tina’s party.

He hadn’t noticed it then, not as drunk as he was pretending to be but drunker than he really meant to be, thrumming with adrenaline (and something that felt strangely like attraction, though, that didn’t really make any sense) as Billy in one fatal blow, beat Steve’s record and became the new Keg King.

Tommy had felt bad about how excited he was, knowing that Steve, Carol, and him had worked hard to learn how to hold their liquor. That didn’t stop the petty part of him from being happy about it.

Not only was the new kid already putting Harrington in his place, maybe this would be the thing that caused Steve to turn (his) their way again. Cause him to care about his reputation a little more. He’d worked so hard for it – they all had – he didn’t get how he could just drop it so easily.

(How he could drop them so easily.)

Tommy was so sure this was the first step in finally pulling Steve’s head out of his ass – (show him that he and Carol didn’t need him) – that he introduced Billy to him that night.

Like he said, he didn’t realize it then, but that was the real start of it.

The start as he remembered it was at basketball practice the next day.

Billy was… competitive with Steve on the court.

Which, of course he was, Ste- Harrington managed to stay aloft in the social hierarchy, despite dropping all of his actual friends because of his place on the basketball team.

Basketball was the biggest sport in the school, in the county, and not just because everyone around was a fan of the Hoosiers, though that definitely played a part. Back when they were still sophomores, Tommy and Steve had helped lead the school to its first championship in years.

Steve shot the winning shot and got the keg king title at the after party, in one fell swoop securing his place not only in the Hawkins history books but also his spot at the top of the high school’s food chain for the rest of his high school career.

The next year they made him captain, and Harrington was good at being captain. Though he spent most of his time with Wheeler and even Byers (which, really? The guy that his almost-girlfriend cheated on him with? He was preferable to Tommy and Carol? His best friends since grade school?) he still made sure to dedicate time to the team, both on and off the court. And the team respected him for that.

(Tommy had to respect him for that, too. Even if it wasn’t fair that the only time Tommy got St- Harrington was when they were hanging out as a team.)

If Billy could unseat Steve on the court and with the team, his reign would be all but guaranteed. So, it made some sort of sense to Tommy as he watched Billy push their captain around, get in his face, yell at him to ‘plant his feet’. Tommy could see that Harrington wasn’t at his best, almost seeming hungover.

Thing was, despite how gone Tommy himself was, he knew that Steve hadn’t drank much that night. Aside from the fact that losing his Keg King title wasn’t enough to lure him into doing his own keg stand, he’s pretty sure he saw Wheeler hitting the punch bowl more than Stev- Harrington was. Especially when it led to a loud argument in Tina’s bathroom.

Even if he had been blackout drunk, Tommy would be able to tell when Steve was trying not to cry.

(He’d have to ask Carol later if it was possible to be emotionally hungover.)

The predatorial posturing was interrupted by Wheeler appearing at the door. Normally, it wouldn’t be odd to see her at practice. Tommy had seen her working on homework (gross) on the bleachers before, and even would occasionally pop in when doing a story for the school paper, but she had never interrupted like this before, with frustration visibly leaking off of her.

Ste- Harrington sighed and followed her out, waving to the coach. For once, he didn’t look like he was literally walking on air when approaching her.

“That Harrington’s girl?” Billy asked, sliding to a controlled stop next to Tommy.

He responded without thinking, “Not sure she will be after today.”

Billy threw his head back and let out a mocking laugh. Tommy flushed as he watched the sweat from Billy’s mullet trickle down his chest. He forced himself to look away as Coach blew the whistle.

–

Two days later Tommy got his confirmation.

“Wheeler isn’t here today, again,” Carol said, appearing beside his locker as he closed the door. He didn’t jump, used to his girlfriend appearing out of nowhere. “And you’ll never guess who else is missing.”

Tommy’s mouth dropped.

“No.”

“That fucking creep, Byers.”

Seemed like Tommy had been right. Steve and Wheeler had broken up.

(If they hadn’t yet, Steve sure wasn’t going to take her back this time. Talk about turning into your parents-)

He felt suddenly energized, riding on a high that carried him all the way through to afternoon practice. Especially with the way Billy’s eyes lit up at the little piece of gossip.

He decided to follow Billy’s lead on this, waiting for him to bring it up to Harrington. During practice, he mostly shoved the other around, taunting him and generally running circles around him. Tommy could tell that Harrington’s head still wasn’t in the game, and it reflected on the rest of his scrimmage team. They trounced them.

(Tommy almost felt bad about it, but the bitter part of him didn’t.)

Coach pulled Steve aside, probably to try and figure out ‘what the hell was up with him’, and the rest if the team hit the showers. Tommy and Billy both drew the short stick, getting some of the last shower slots, which was… not a problem exactly.

Tommy preferred to shower last, normally taking a little extra time to shoot hoops and shoot the shit. The less time spent in the locker room around his naked teammates, the better. Why would he want to spend time around a bunch of naked guys, anyway? Though, it was more time spent loitering around in his gross clothes than he really wanted.

Anyway, he wasn’t sure why he felt so uneasy about it.

Steve (Harrington dammit) still wasn’t done talking to the Coach by the time Tommy and Billy were finally able to get under that sweet, freezing water. He lifted his chin up towards the spray, savoring the feeling, letting it center him. His eyes were clenched shut, so he didn’t get soap in them.

(Not for any other reason at all.)

Right as he was ready to get out, Steve finally entered the showers. Tommy’s eyes popped open just in time to see the smirk crawl across Billy’s face.

“Don’t sweat it, Harrington,” he said, wiping water from his face as he stared intensely at their captain. “Today’s just not your day, man.”

“Yeah, not your week,” Tommy was quick to add on, eager to rub his newfound knowledge in his face. “You and the princess break up for one day, and she’s already running off with the school Creep.” He leaned around the shower pole to make eye contact with Steve.

Steve just stared at him, a note of confusion on his face before his eyes flickered down to his fancy soap impatiently. Surprise and glee flooded through Tommy.

“Oh shit, you don’t know,” he said, unable to keep his grin from growing. Steve continued with his routine, trying to ignore him. “Jonathan and the princess skipped yesterday. Still haven’t shown.”

His former best friend was refusing to look at him, but Tommy could see the way his mouth had tightened. He leaned against the pole, as close as he would allow himself to get in that moment.

“But that must just be a coincidence, right?”

Steve glanced at him before he grabbed his even fancier shampoo. The brief moment of eye contact was almost too much for Tommy. Steve kept his expression cold and uncaring, but Tommy knew him well enough still, could see the pinch around his eyes. The distaste. They were standing too close.

Tommy couldn’t stop the laughter that burst out of him, one part mocking, the other veering into hysterics, and turned away to grab his towel.

He didn’t really pay attention to what Billy said after that, trying to get his head on straight, but he couldn’t miss the way Billy’s mouth wrapped around the words “pretty boy”.

–

The town had an eerie feeling hanging over it that weekend.

He stayed over at Carol’s house all three nights. It was only meant to be one or two, but then both of her parents got called into work because of some sort of weird flu or food poisoning or whatever was going around.

Neither of them were fans of sleeping alone, though neither of them would admit it.

(Not that they really needed to admit it, after knowing each other this long, dating for this long. They didn’t need to waste time on pointless conversation.)

A pack of wild dogs seemed to be roaming through the woods, filling it with feral sounding snarls and leaving trails of debris everywhere. Tommy thought it was odd how they seemed to come out of nowhere, but it wasn’t uncommon for people to ditch animals on the side of the road, so didn’t give it too much thought.

Come Monday morning, the strangeness continued when Billy pulled up to school quieter than normal, rage hanging from his shoulders. His little sister wasn’t in the car with him for once, but Tommy just figured she was sick or something. He didn’t completely understand their family dynamic, honestly.

“Man, what happened to your face?” he exclaimed in surprise once the other man drew closer.

Vicki, who had been chatting with Carol, gasped dramatically and ran up to him, clucking her tongue and simpering at him. Billy put up with it, but didn’t have as heated of a smile to give her as he normally did, to her agitation.

“Had to teach someone a lesson,” he grunted, throwing his around her as something of a consolation. She huffed a little but snuggled up to him anyway, accepting the unspoken apology.

Privately, Tommy thought that it looked like someone had taught Billy the lesson, not the other way around. He wondered if it was Steve, and was privately impressed. He didn’t know Steve had it in him to go after someone like that, but maybe he’d been right. Maybe Wheeler ditching him was the kick in the pants he’d needed all along.

Tommy couldn’t wait to see what he might do, might say, when he got to school that day.

But Steve wasn’t at school that day, he didn’t show up to school that entire week.

He would’ve been worried, but Steve didn’t need him to worry about him anymore. He’d made that clear.

(Tommy was worried anyway.)

That week, he distracted himself by spending time with Billy. There was a sense of unease around the man at all times, but it lessened slightly as the week went on. Tommy could tell that he was fixating on him a little bit, more than he had with anyone other than Carol (or Steve) in ages.

Carol thought the whole thing was funny, giggling with Vicki and Nicole over milkshakes as Tommy, Billy, and whatever other members of the basketball team they dragged along with them were their normal rowdy selves. She knew how Tommy could get – had known him since he moved to this god forsaken town.

All that to say, he was feeling pretty good, despite the conspicuous absence of Harrington at their practices.

That peace was shattered the day he came back.

Tommy didn’t actually see Steve during the actual school day on Monday, but he did see the ripples that were sent through the student body. Whispers filled the halls, but cut off abruptly when Billy walked through them.

Carol’s lips were pinched at lunch, but she refused to tell him why. Wanted more information before she told him. She hated not having the full picture.

Looking back, it wouldn’t have mattered if she had told him. Nothing would have prepared him for seeing Steve that day.

Tommy stopped short when he saw Ste- Harring- Steve shuffling out of Coach’s office that afternoon. He had sunglasses on, but they couldn’t hide the rainbow mosaic on his face, a mix of purples and blues and yellows and greens – bruises all in different stages of healing. He looked like he’d been run over by a truck.

Tommy felt like he’d been hit by a truck. What the hell had happened?

Billy wouldn’t have done that, would he?

“Steve?” he called out, unable to stop himself from saying something. Ignoring the fact that that was the first time he had called Steve by his first name in literal months. He wasn’t really concerned with that right now, not trying to hide how much he cared. Not when Steve’s face looked like that.

Steve turned, his hair flopping limply. It was obvious he had done something to it, but not much. He never let it get this… lusterless in public. His face scrunched up, obviously squinting despite the sunglasses.

With a sigh that seemed to be masking a tired groan, Steve said, “I’m not in the mood, Hagan.”

Tommy knew getting last-named shouldn’t hurt (he and Steve had been doing it for months at this point, wielding it like a weapon every time they bothered to talk to each other), but it did.

“What happened to your face?” he asked, pushing down the hurt and unconsciously echoing the same question he asked Billy the week before.

“What do you think?” Steve scoffed, tossing his head back like he always did when rolling his eyes. This seemed to be a bad idea, since he immediately rocked back forward with a wince. “Your new best friend broke a plate over my head.”

Tommy reared back. “He did what?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” he said, sounding incredibly bitter. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Probably didn’t want to admit that the only reason he wasn’t arrested for being a fucking psycho is because Hopper had other things to worry about.”

There seemed to be a strange ringing sound echoing through the halls, and it confused Tommy until he realized it was just his ears.

Billy did that?

Tommy didn’t want to believe it, not only because it just didn’t make sense (it made perfect sense, Billy had always seemed a little off to Tommy but he was too obsessed with him to care-) but because this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

People got into petty fights all the time and normally no one was that fucked up at the end of it. A couple of bruises, maybe a broken nose or a black eye, something for the girls to coo over and for other guys to be subtly impressed by, knowing that guy was a guy that shouldn’t be messed with. The worst fight he’d seen happen was when Creepy Byers lost his shit on Steve the year before.

(Tommy wondered for a second what it was about Steve that made guys lose their gourd over him, but shoved that thought out of his mind.)

This- this wasn’t what was supposed to happen.

This wasn’t what he wanted.

Steve seemed to take his shocked silence for some sort of answer, because he sighed quietly to himself.

“It’s like talking to a brick wall, I swear,” he said, walking past him with a hand on his temple, massaging around the bandage he was only now noticing.

He moved aside to let him pass automatically, not sure how to get his mouth working again. Steve started towards the entrance, but paused suddenly, turning to call one last thing to his former best friend.

“Be careful around Billy, Tommy,” he said, using his first name for the first time in a year. “He’s more dangerous than you think he is.”

Pt. 2

[skylardoesthings]

PLEASE DOOOOO drop more or elaborate your hcs I'm starting to feel the eiliea illness creeping back up so might as well (the illness was never gone in the first place) also just realized your blog title. handshaking u on that we are in this asylum together 🤝 - @kumagorosh

LMFAO??? Yeah guys, im ill abt these guys, its funny that theyre not my favourite characters though.

Anyways i hope you like my insane ramblings, this is gonna be REALLY long so, you can see em all under the cut 👍

For the "in go, to the public Kiyama is Kira Hiroto, to his friends and family, hes Kiyama Tatsuya" hc, the reason why they found out his name is Tatsuya is because of Touko. No one knows how she found out, all they know is that one day during summer she appeared, saw Kiyama and went "HEY TATSUYA!" And watched him panic,

Inazuma Japan noticed that Kiyama and Mido sometimes tend to not answer them whenever they say their names, so they would say their alien names. When the two do reply by their alien names, they would yell "WRONG TRY AGAIN!" bc they are Not Gran and Reize anymore and they have to learn to not reply to those names

As for "The reason why InaJap was so nice to kimido was because of Dark Emperors" hc, it sorta came to me out of the blue while rewatching s3, Mido and Kaze are good freinds despite aliea and my hc is that is the reason why everyone warmed up to them – if DE didn't happen, Kaze wouldn't feel like he understood what Reize had to go through ans that feeling of inadequicy that followed them, if this makes any sense. (Note; if DE didn't happen, they would've either A. Not even be a part of InaJap or B. Be a part of it and get treated like outcasts, kinda like Fudou.)

Also all the sun garden kids, areori or og, knows how to fight btw. Og sun garden is just, better and stronger because of the Aliea Meteorite

ALSO BTW. This is game canon but like, aliea???! Is so fucked up in the games? Like Seijirou rlly was going to sell those kids as weapons of war and we went "wow, normal IE stuff." And Garshield too. Like what the hell

Anyways back to the hcs; Demonio, Kiyama, and Ronijo are friends! "How so?" You might ask, its the child experiments.

Prominence is very used to the heat and prefers it, they hate the cold.

Diamond Dust player, menawhile are the opposite, whenever it snows Hitomiko always has to remind them that they're human and need to be warm, so "Don't go outside without gloves or jackets–!" And they absolutely hate the heat.

Ok this is just semi canon bcz mido, but Gemini Storm totally has a inferior complex.

This is dubiously canon? But all of Eisei are on given name status with each other, and for the og cast, they're still a bit to awkward (well, more like strangers) with each other to do that, but in go they totally call each other by their given names

Ok now for my hyper specific hc where i have no idea where this came from but its something i like and kept

Reina is a psychologist! Maki is a nurse, why? Because honestly, with the way they grew up, they were probably frustrated a lot by all these different things would probably want to help themselves and others. Why them specifically? Idfk it just happened. Same thing with Mutou being a techie, Nagumo being a choach to bunch of kids (like handa in canon), and a bunch of other stuff

Ngl, my hc is that all the Kira's were probably in the spotlight post-aliea, so the hc that Shuugo probably lost a of friends when he was a kid was born,

Which takes me to the hc that he loves his friends and family. He's not ashamed to be a Kira, he holds so much pride for being one. One of his goal's for when hes an adult is to probably just make something for himself, be someone he himself could be proud of,

I honestly have ZERO idea where i got my "Kiyama sees a lot of himself in Kariya" hc, but i think it was when i was rewatching s2 and went "wow thid guy has a lot of similar mannarisms as Kariya" whenever i saw covert Kiyama+Gran

Which takes me to the, "Shuugo and Kariya are just mini versions of the aliea captains" hc, which is mostly by mannerisms. They probably unconsciously mimicked them or just adopted it into the way they do things or smthn idk. Hitomiko finds this adorable.

Ehm. Here's some of Shuugo and Kariya actually why not, mostly shuugo because... he's my favourite.

The whole "they're complete opposites of each other" bit is mostly based on my other headcanons, but also from Shuugo's recruitment needs + kariya's canon behaviour. (shuugo's talks for the both of them, and kariya in turn, insults people for fun)

Shuugo likes to fist-fight people btw, he's nice and calm, but he has anger issues, and when someone pisses him off bad he'd start fist-fighting people, which is pretty often. (Kariya in turn, gaslight people. for fun. like father like son, I guess?)

Nagumo taught both Shuugo and Kariya curse words.

Shuugo was the one who came up with the idea of Masaki transferring to Raimon (the moment he joined the soccer club, shuugo went through all five stages of grief at once)

oh yeah kariya and shuugo have a sibling-like relationship. idk if you can tell from all the previous hcs.

literally no one knew that they know each other, so one day during the match of raimon 1gun vs raimon 2gun in s1 of go, they started talking to each other post-match and everyone was just "????? since when ???" and the revelation that kariya is an orphan and shuugo knows him because his cousin(??) is the "owner" of the orphanage opened,

also because of kariya and shuugo knowing each other, the two of them (along with ichino and aoyama!) sorta become the bridge between raimon 1gun and raimon 2gun! they have a lot more joint practises and team 2 are able to play in official/friendly matches!

Also fun fact, Shuugo was supposed to have a character arc similar to Hikaru's when he was first introduced in the sequel for go s1, aka, Chrono Stone, but as we can see that never happened. Anyways, i totally do NOT have a whole ass plot and am writing a fic of this for myself. nope, Nuh-uh.

(i am, i just stopped writing it cause i got stuck with a bit I cannot write to save my life :sob:)

wow this is. really long, i am so sorry if this makes no sense, and I'm sorry in general.

[wolfclaire]

How would you think the story would've played out if a different Gem got transported into the games, and I'm not limiting it to just the Afterlife Gems. Like if either Empires Season Gems met Pearl instead of Spider, especially Season 2 Esmp Gem, considering she's essentially the opposite of Pearl in a way?? Sun imagery with butterfly wings and the pointed ears on her skin implies she'd look/be something like a sun elf yet also unlike Pearl she's in almost complete control of her own fate and what 'games' she plays by hopping different universes and LARPing as whatever character she wants. Season one Gem can also be interesting, especially if it's near the end of the season or after the end of the season. Season one Gem getting transported into a death game where her people who look like her friends who are either missing or dead in her eyes messed up in ways they weren't before and one of your closest friends aka Pearl seems so sad and gone from the cheerful queen you knew her as. Also I choose to believe that S1!Gem is at least passively or actively aware of differing timelines cause of her reaction from when she met S2!Sausage and I think she was aware that she basically just three Evil Sausage into a little mirror of her own universe which would be like an alternate ones, I'm kinda reaching, especially since I haven't rewatched Empires S1 yet, but still I can't resist the angst of Gem knowing that these aren't her friends but still desperately trying to hold onto them like they are because the rapture happened so suddenly and abruptly when things were finally looking better and she doesn't wanna accept things. I also can't resist what would be the DL cast's reaction to these two, especially Pearl and maybe Grian

Ngl I really wonder what would be Pearl's and Grian's opinion/impression of them if it were either of them transferred and not Spider Gem

Sorry for rambling I've just been thinking about this a lot and sorry if it doesn't make sense or if it's even in character-

-Sun anon, still happy birthday also <3

Okay...let me just put this into seperated questions...cause this got potential. So ES1 and ES2 Gems would be probably totally different with the reaction to Pearl and everything happening.

ES1 Gem, post rapture (or during rapture), has basically nothing left. No kingdom, no friends, she only has her magic, Violet and fWhip. She didn't "roleplay", she isn't "LARPing", everything happening to her is real, and hurtful. If she was the one transported into the games, she would find familiarity with Pearl, but she would know something is wrong. She is The Headmistres of Crystal Cliffs, she is The Grand Wizard, she would notice Pearl's acting strange (Red stuff) and her and others memories being off.

ES2 Gem, however, wouldn't think of this "transportation" as a big deal at first. I don't think she would take it seriously at the start, as "it's just a game" or "it's just LARPing". She couldn't understand in canon why nobody else (except Pixlriffs and Oli) didn't think of anything as a big deal...she only thought they were good actors in a way. It would take Pearl's death for her to realize that this "game" is not as innocent as she might have thought...

As for Grians and Pearl's reaction? Well...

Grian wouldn't mind ES2 Gem, she looks like a guilable little princess that he can wrap around his finger... But ES1 Gem? Oh, that would be dissaster. He can tell this one is smart, he can tell she has powers on her side... He would try to get rid of her asap, even going as far as killing her himself.

Pearl, on the other hand, would feel a little weirded out by any of those two. ES1 Gem is nice....strangely overly nice, for some reason... And ES2 Gem doesn't seem to take anything seriously...she is very carefree for someone who shouldn't have unlimited lives (Grey names don't work with the same rules as those in from the specific world)

There is a lot of Angst potential, just in a different favour than what my version with Spider Gem has to offer :)