#so over people hiding what they love
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
“Talking too much about fandom is cringe.”
Buddy! The world is a flaming pile of horse shit! Governments topple, natural disasters happen, fucking STARS explode! You yourself are a beautiful bundle of dead universe that will never exist again! Talk about what you love!
#fandom#so over people hiding what they love#talk to me about your fandoms even if I don’t know them#bc it’s cute af to see people love something
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir
#dpsedit#deadpoetssocietyedit#toddandersonedit#john keating#todd anderson#dps#dead poets society#useraish#tuserkaren#mialook#usernivi#tusermiles#userrlaura#dailyflicks#*mine#*mygifs#todd is literally so brave for dealing with that#and he came up with a banger of a poem#who is doing it like him ?#like todd anderson is literally my bestie and i love him so much and i love his arc so much within this movie#cupping his face in my hands and giving him a kiss on the forehead <3 <3 <3#also what if i said todd anderson is literally me !#very reminiscent of that time my theatre 101 (or whatever the class was) sub was talking about body language#and he was all like shy people tend to make themselves seem smaller and hide themselves with their body#and he like looked over at me and i was like all scrunched up in the chair with my knees to my chest#also i was like fourteen and it was like a month into the class and i wanted to die right there and then#it was honestly really embarrassing and i still think about it like six years later !#*500
857 notes
·
View notes
Text
( Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice spoilers ahead! )
Trucy making the effort to ensure Apollo and Dhurke spend time together during the first part of Turnabout Revolution was a cute little goofy Trucy moment at the time but upon reflection it ends up being a little sad in context.
This is a girl whose father abandoned her for years, and that same father dies before they can meet again. Is it any wonder that Trucy sees Apollo and Dhurke’s situation and pushes for it to go better for them?
(How does it affect her, I wonder, to find out that Dhurke died before meeting Apollo again as well? What does she think of how Dhurke’s main desire upon getting a second chance was to see his left behind son one last time? Does she ever think that, if Zak got the same opportunity via spirit medium, he may have come to see her?)
#trucy wright#apollo justice#dhurke sahdmadhi#ace attorney#spirit of justice#spirit of justice spoilers#you ever see Apollo and trucy’s color schemes and realize they’re inverse#anyway these two sibs actually have a lot in common and are way more alike emotionally than people realize#they just embrace it differently#Trucy (and Apollo) to me comes across as a very lonely character#someone who needs to surround herself with people#needs to be wanted and loved and needed#seriously look over the game Apollo Justice and realize how many times she steps up for multiple adults#she’s basically the breadwinner of the WAA lbr#easy to forget since her job is so whimsical and she loves it dearly#but she works SO HARD and is always under soooo much pressure to be perfect#case 2 of spirit of justice really helps show what she’s hiding#I love her sm
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
“-and that's why I ain't allowed in Pier Point no more!” Boothill throws his head back and cackles, somehow completely comfortable on the bare floor of the archives. He's the very picture of ease, his arms behind his head, his legs bent and crossed.
Dan Heng barely looks up from his notebook, not much surprises him anymore after the first few tales of lawless exploits. “So they really have that many laws and restrictions there.”
“And prob’ly a few more now that I've been through there! Heck, ya think they named any after me? I'm hopin’ so.” There's so much smug cockiness seeping through his voice Dan Heng could bottle it.
Silence settles in, stretches out. Dan Heng doodles pensive circles in the corner of his page.
He shouldn't ask. It's a private matter. It's none of his business. He of all people should know-
Something pokes his shoe, and when he looks up, Boothill has stretched one arm up to tap metallic fingertips against his foot. “Ain't like ya to hesitate.” With his head tipped back on the tiles and gazing at him upside down, Boothill's hair is out of his face and spooling out all over the floor, offering a rare view of his right side. His right eye is sealed over with a pitch-black patch, stark against his skin. Dan Heng wonders what he looks like behind it. “C'mon, then, out with it. Spill the beans, brother, just say it.”
“What does ‘Boothill’ mean?”
The man blinks at him, the crosshair in his cybernetic left eye flickering. Dan Heng shifts, smooths out his long coat. “I tried to look it up once. It's not in any database as a name...other than your wanted posters.” There's a thread beginning to fray near the hem, he should sew it up. “I couldn't find it anywhere.”
He nearly takes it back, but- “Heh, ya that curious about me, darlin’?”
Dan Heng quickly levels his face into the most impassive, nonplussed expression he can muster, but Boothill has already turned away, head pillowed on his arms and face once again turned to the ceiling.
“But nah, ya wouldn't. Hah, like they'd allow any record of the language, fudgeheads.” One arm sweeps around blindly until it finds the edge of Boothill's hat, sets it back where it belongs on his head. Dan Heng shuffles around, scoots a little closer, but the brim is pulled too low to see his eyes anymore.
“It's ‘cause it's not a name. It's a noun.” All that's visible of his face is a sharp grin, pulled too tight at the edges.
“It's my people's word for a grave.”
Dan Heng's pencil stops.
“It's the kinda grave fer someone who died with their boots on. If ya catch my drift there.” Boothill's foot starts to bounce. “There was a war, and it got reeeeeal intense, yup. Folks started droppin’ like flies, ‘n’ there was bodies faster'n what we could bury ‘em.” A cooling fan kicks on somewhere. Dan Heng is pretty sure it's not any of the Express equipment.
“We lost some real good people there, real good. Mighty shame.” His hidden Vidyadhara ears detect a quiet metallic click, a whir, pressurized gas. Boothill's next words waft steam from his angry circuits into the air. “When I left, I decided to leave my name there, too. Didn't feel right otherwise. The life I lead now is a whole ‘nother existence.” And then Boothill turns his head, raises his hat, and Dan Heng suddenly feels pinned dead center, caught in that crosshair.
“Ya know what I mean, don'tcha?”
Dan Heng swallows.
Does Boothill know? Who he is and who came before him? There had been that moment in the Penacony Grand Theater, after he activated the Jade Abacus… Dan Heng had tried to shoo him out, keep him from seeing anything, but Boothill has the astounding ability to turn up exactly wherever people are trying to keep him away from.
If he did see, does he actually understand it? Does he know what a High Elder is? Does he know about the sedition of Imbibitor Lunae, the transmutation arcanum, everything Dan Feng had done and Dan Heng was punished for?
He doesn't want to explain it all. Not now. Possibly not ever, truth be told.
And it's not the same as Boothill leaving behind his old identity when whatever event happened that caused him to leave home. Not really. But…
But so far, Boothill has slid so easily into Dan Heng’s routine. His presence never feels like an intrusion. He's already figured out what he can push and when to back down. And even Dan Heng finds himself able to roll with whatever punches Boothill throws with baffling ease. They share too much in their methods and ideologies, and sometimes Dan Heng knows what Boothill will do seemingly before even Boothill himself knows.
“...Tell me about Talia and the Nailscrap Town.” Boothill must know he's avoiding the topic. He must. But the man just throws his head back and cackles, melting easily back into what they had been doing before, as he speaks fondly of a planet that Dan Heng has never visited.
Not today. But.
Dan Heng inches just a little closer, just enough to nudge his foot against a metal leg. Boothill doesn't pull away.
Maybe someday.
#honkai star rail#henghill#boothill#dan heng#hsr#bootheng#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#BEHOLD. my brainrot#Aeragan-Epharshel and The Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae not as things they feel they have to tell each other#(bc what is most important is who they both are TODAY and what they are like NOW)#like they aren't maliciously hiding anything from each other and neither thinks so of the other#their pasts are just something they CAN share to deepen the bond and know each other better#things like Boothill better understanding why Dan Heng sleeps in a room lit 24/7 by electronics if he knows he grew up in a dark prison cell#or Dan Heng better understanding Boothill’s motivations & what kinda life he might want post-revenge if he knows how Aeragan-Epharshel was#I think it's only thanks to the Express Crew that Dan Heng can even begin to think about telling someone All Of That#he has people who love him and it has made such a huge huge difference for him ♡#meanwhile in in-game texts Boothill tends to gloss over the loss of his home. I don't think he's super keen to talk about it much either.#I let him say a little more about it here since he and Dan Heng had a lot more time together to get comfortable with each other in canon.#the thing with his eye is based off a voiceline of his but isn't canon from Hoyo or anything#but it's canon to ME#same with things like him having to literally let off steam when he gets pissed haha#I need to just make a post about all my weird robot body Boothill hcs I love cyborgs woohoo#that and him & Anger I have a lot of feelings about that too ♡#also. wireplay NZMZMXMMDDM
101 notes
·
View notes
Text
love the idea that post The Situation thomas is just increasingly obtuse when it comes to jimmy's feelings.
so when one day mrs hughes mentions in passing at how much easier it is to handle james now he's settled down, thomas is incredibly confused. and a little bit heartbroken too of course.
it gets even stranger when on valentine's day alfred sulkily asks jimmy how many cards he's sent that year and jimmy merely shrugs and smirks. mrs patmore chastises them for gossiping and announces that surely, jimmy's only got one to be sending.
then one night, most of the staff are enjoying a rare night off in the pub. as usual, a host of pretty girls surround jimmy, and one particularly brave one asks jimmy if he's got any plans on one of his half days. jimmy throws her a cheeky wink and says "sorry, darling, but i'm spoken for."
thomas starts feeling really rather hurt. he's known all along that this would happen eventually - that jimmy would eventually move on and find a nice village lass, but it still stings to hear it. somehow, it hurts even more knowing that clearly jimmy has fallen for someone but he hasn't even told thomas.
thomas puts on a brave face and elbows daisy in the side. "d'ya hear that? jimmy's kept that quiet 'asn't he?"
daisy looks at him with a frown and cocks her head to the side. "well, not really--" but before she can say anything else she's swept up into the rowdy conversation of the table.
a few weeks later, thomas and jimmy are alone in the servants hall, with thomas reading the paper in his rocking chair and jimmy tapping out melodies on the piano. the tune he's playing is sweet and gentle, and thomas finds himself swaying his head along. as the song draws to a close, a gentle round of applause sounds from the doorway.
baxter stands smiling. "let me call you sweetheart is one of my favourites. it was beautiful, jimmy."
jimmy blushes prettily and stands, closing the piano lid. "thank you, mrs baxter. good night."
after he's gone from the room, baxter enters to fill herself a glass of water. she smiles fondly at thomas. "he's so smitten you know. head over heels." she rolls her eyes affectionately.
it takes months until thomas finally figures out the truth of what's going on. well, to say he figures it out is somewhat generous.
he's in the servants hall again, this time feeling a little despondent with a cup of tea. jimmy had gone to the pictures with alfred of all people, their friendship seemingly improved since jimmy's given up on chasing ivy's skirt. thomas is resolutely not waiting up to make sure jimmy gets home safe. anna is the only other person still up, and she sits opposite thomas stitching one of lady mary's hemlines in companionable silence.
thomas dwells on his own thoughts for a while, until anna rests her sewing on the table and fixes him with a worried look. "are you quite alright, mr barrow?"
"hm? oh, yes anna, i'm very well thank you." he takes a sip of his tea to hide his moue.
anna looks unconvinced. "thomas," she says seriously, "is it-- have you and jimmy had a falling out?"
that genuinely surprises thomas. for all his worry and sadness over jimmy's as yet unknown love interest, they'd never fallen out. "no, no, of course not. he's just busy, that's all, which is to be expected now he's, you know," thomas waves his cup vaguely in the air, "courting the mystery lady."
anna chokes on a laugh. "the mystery lady?"
"yes. he's-- he's courting someone, isn't he? everyone keeps saying that he's... or suggesting that he's taken with someone." Thomas adds somewhat bitterly, "seems quite serious if you ask me. not that he's told me anything about it of course."
anna stops giggling and looks at him oddly. "thomas you-- you can't mean--"
"-- do you know who she is, anna?" thomas interrupts a little desperately. he's becoming tired of it all and he just wants to know-- how bad it is, for how long he's going to have to tend to his broken heart.
"thomas. thomas, jimmy's sweetheart is-- well, it's you."
"me?" thomas has a brief, sickening memory of his feelings before, and how miss o'brien toyed with them so badly. but he knows in his gut, that anna would never, and could never do that. he knows she's being honest, as confusing and terrifying as the statement may be.
"yes." anna smiles. "he's like a little puppy when he's with you. surely you've noticed? he gazes at you with stars in his eyes. he wants to do everything you do, and it seems like every other conversation is all about what you've been telling him this week. he only ever plays love songs on the piano when you're in the room. he laughs at all your jokes and he's not even glanced in the direction of a girl since last year." anna shakes her head. "i thought you knew and were just letting him get used to it."
"no i didn't -- i didn't know, i thought," thomas can feel himself blushing, "i don't know what i thought."
anna stands with a stifled yawn. "you make each other very happy. if you really didn't know, i think you ought to talk to him. good night, mr barrow."
"good night anna. and thank you."
thomas is left in the still and quiet of the room, watching the steam spiral up from his cup. a private and hopeful smile spreads across his face. yes, he thinks, nodding his head, perhaps we should talk.
#thommy#thomas barrow#jimmy kent#downton abbey#sorry what even is this#this is completely unproofread written in one sitting in lapslock#my apologies#thank u to freya for listening to me rant about this concept before telling me to actually write it out#just them being cute#them being in love#im so obsessed with the idea of jimmy being obsessed#like totally head over heels smitten down BAD for thomas#and thomas being like :))) we are friends now and i am happy with this situation i will never ask for any more#obviously he's hiding his neverending jimmy feels#but he's just :))) that theyre in cahoots now#meanwhile jimmy is like#crumbling because he's so in love#and everyone else around them is like ummmmmm could u be more obvious#like we're not even shocked anymore#0 people are surprised#fic#im tagging this fic but idk why because it isnt really its wordvom
84 notes
·
View notes
Text
ghosts can't haunt ghosts silly, must be your mistakes then !
#spectragus#spectra phantom#gus grav#keith fermin#bakugan battle brawlers#bakugan new vestroia#bakugan#i frequently think about how spectra hallucinates gus when he disappears. he is NOT coping.#since gus is simply a hallucination i wanted to convey. SO many things but im not sure if i did it#is the hand on his shoulder supposed to be comforting or protective OR a constant reminder of what he's lost and what he could've had#is he holding spectra back is the smile supposed to be comforting or malicious is he resentful is he looking at us or at spectra#did he rip off the mask or is he keeping it safe or is he everything that was hiding behind it#also i was listening to curses by the crane wives the entire time i was making this. if that adds to anything.#my art baybeee#this is very messy but i needed this out of my system or i would've exploded and died#me taking spectra's 2 hallucinations and running a marathon with them#making angst abt this is so funny when we know it turns out fine in the end#ill draw something more cheerful soon dw i just love angst and im feral over these two. and i like making other people suffer#for the record all the conflicting vibes from hallucination gus are from spectra's perspective#ILL STOP RAMBLING NOW
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#mine musings#not tagging etc etc#i just want to ramble (this is about lc)#do people feel like lg's character is incomplete without a backstory?#like a “past” before he met cxs#i feel like it's a nice-to-have thing (wouldn't be opposed to it) but i don't think his character requires it to be fully fleshed out yknow#his character is strongly defined by his role in the narrative because that's how stories work. but like#i do feel like we've learned a lot about him that would've stayed constant even if cxs isn't in his life though#like idk i just don't understand calling him a plot device i guess#like would he be more interesting if it was revealed he got attached to cxs so easily bc he had some kind of unhappy childhood or whatever?#i mean if it's executed well. sure?#personallyyyyyyy i think it's already compelling if he's just like. some guy#he's just some nerdy kid who made a friend and felt grief and loss for the first time and couldn't take it#like. that's compelling to me. unhappy childhood would be interesting too but like. there's nothing wrong with lg being just Some Guy™ imo😭#maybe it's bc i like the idea that lg could be anyone#and what i mean is like. that could be me. that could be you#all it takes is to find a love and friendship you're not willing to let go of. and as S1 has shown many clients have the same regrets#the only difference is that they never had the ability to change the past like lg did#like cxs said in YE1. everyone would want to have the ability to change the past. it's human nature#and i like the idea that the love and grief lg went through isn't something that's unique to him#like obviously it's unique in the sense that he makes it worse for himself with time loops#but like. the love he experienced could also happen to me. could also happen to you#same with the grief#i'm realizing as i'm rambling here that THIS is actually what i love about lg's character#now i kinda wish i didn't hide this in the tags lmao but whatever#i didn't want to invite debates over this and like if director li wants to give him a backstory that's fine#but the way lg is right now. i don't think he's “just a plot device”#and i don't think he's an incomplete character#i'll accept any backstory but god i really wish he stays being just Some Guy who loved and lost and continues to love and lose#because it's human and normal and everyone goes through it
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Its sooooo funny how little you can trust Google with anything cherokee at all. Like, you'll Google something and 0 sources actually come from us and its all just Wrong.
Like, if you search 'cherokee word for themselves' everything will say 'Ani'-Yun'Wiya' which.. no one ever uses like that anymore lol. It's also misspelled, it's from one guys book from 1900 where he used 'uñ' to denote our nasaled 'v' sound [like the u in fun but more nasaly] and then everyone just started using a regular N? It's aniyvwiya, and the direct translation is 'principle people', but it just means native haha
I can't say I have much experience being around cherokee speakers or anything but like... most people I've seen will just say cherokee if they're speaking English. [And I've heard the same from friends who do interact more with speakers] Cherokee isn't like some English words for native people in that its meaning is derogatory, it's just muskogee for 'people who speak a different language' and I havent seen anyone have an issue with it. When speaking cherokee, people say tsalagi which.. means cherokee lol.
#i see people with 'aniyunwiya' in their bios and its kinda silly#like. why are you even identifying as this if the stuff you know about it is wrong shit from google ??#do you even like. talk to cherokees ever#which idk my friend has talked before about people who will Panic and hide if an actual native talks to them even very politely correcting#something they got wrong like. why are you even doing this if you cant handle being questioned or looked at my actual people ???#[panic and hide as in like. delete posts or block or something not like in person lol]#people love to treat it as like. a fun identity they can put in their bios and maybe theyll look up some stuff or watch a youtube video#like yall. reconnecting isnt a fun word for 'i just found this out recently' its like. an actual Process you have to Work on#and its reconnecting to Community and the actual people ?? why are you even doing it if its just a performance for a nonnative audience#and you freak out when a native looks at you ??? what#anyway. im rambling lol#its just So funny and frustrating seeing people making being native a big part of their identity and they do native art and#have their display name in syllabary and shit. and then say theyre 'Ani'-Yun'wiya'#IDK. IDK idk im just milling over this this morning#reconnecting#sure itll go in there lol.
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
> looking for a tenma siblings relationship study
> ask the op if the study is actually about the tenmas or just treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
> they don’t understand
> pull out an illustrated diagram explaining the difference
> they laugh and say “it’s a good relationship study sir”
> click the post
> it’s treating saki like an accessory to tsukasa
#project sekai#listen I love tsukasa as I love all the wxs members but i also love saki and cannot stand u people#don’t even get me started on when people fridge saki for contrived tsukasa angst. I’ll kill you.#i could also go on a rant abt how saki is so disrespected in general by pjsk fans#& as sm1 with a (less severe) chronic illness I do not appreciate how her illness is only explored in relation to how tsukasa feels abt it#but I think I would get too frustrated#gripping ur shoulders. read the doll story again.#also if ur talking abt tsukasa’s character & don’t mention saki u have automatically failed#before any of his relationships saki is the most important like it’s not subtext it’s literally just text#did we forget the dazzling event where he finally has a breakthrough in his role bc he talked to saki.#or the main story where he’s like yea saki is literally the reason I pursued acting#or the doll event where he’s despondent bc he thinks saki is mad at him & then when honami comes to his school#his first reaction is to sprint over like WHAT HAPPENED 2 SAKI IS SHE OK (sprints home)#or saki canonically being his no.1 fan. smh. u cannot separate them. and why would u want to. they’re so funny.#+ saki saying he made her hospitalizations more bearable. picking up on his mannerisms. crying during the doll festival bc they had a fight.#the dolls being her favorite things bc of how it symbolized their bond.#the complex tenma sibling mental illness web in general makes me crazy.#saki is like I love u but I wish u wouldn’t worry abt me so much and rely on me more & then tries to hide issues to make him not worry#tsukasa is like I’m always worried abt u and I don’t want to burden u because I feel like I need to always be a rock for u#ough. love them.
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay idk if this is a long shot but anyway... If you are going to the ateez Copenhagen show on the 14th of February and happen to see someone wearing the outfit on the left that would be me! I'd love to meet and get to know more atinys so if you happen to see me do feel free to come up and say hi🥺 or on the 15th if you happen to see someone wearing the outfit on the right that would be me as well!


Idk how many on here are actually going to the concert in Denmark and perhaps no one will see this but I thought I'd give it a go🥲💓 also I felt so awkward trying to pose for the camera to capture my outfits... don't judge my posing too harshly I never do things like this usally😭
#☀️solaris#i will probably delete this post later...#I just got so anxious but I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay#if anyone happens to see this and sees me on either the 14 or 15th#say hi? I'd love to meet new people🥺#also... do I look weird in these photos?#I normally never take pictures like this off my outfits...#also hiding my face cuz I'm shy#ateez#ahhhh can my anxiety shut up pls#I'm just trying to make new friends anxiety so please shush😭#god I'm so nervous for some reason#idk why#perhaps it's the thought people might look at this and idk not like it?#you know what I'm gonna queue this post so I won't know when it gets posted that way I won't obsessively and anxiously check my Tumblr#over and over again to see what might happen#yep
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about trans Julian again specifically thinking about the idea of Julian being trans but electing to not undergo any gender-affirming surgeries
like I was thinking about this the other day in the context of his line about him and Kira being the only other options for a womb when he had to transplant the baby from Keiko, because the implication that Julian has a womb also implies he's elected out of having a hysterectomy for gender-affirming purposes. I say that because we know gender-affirming surgeries- at least the more cosmetic ones- are very easy to undergo (see Profit and Lace, where they very quickly and easily turn Quark into a woman (yes I know it wasn't gender-affirming for him but its the easiest episode to use for my point)) so I feel like it wouldnt be a reach to say that a hysterectomy would be a fairly easy procedure to ask for and undergo
which as ive been thinking about it more I think this like. perfectly tracks with Julian as a character, that he would opt out of undergoing gender-affirming procedures. because I think, considering what his parents did to him and how strongly he resents it, that he would steer clear of anything he would view as "changing" himself. honestly so far in the future I think its safe to assume views of transitioning are very different, and I'd like to think that there wouldnt be nearly as much social pressure to physically transition at all, but even if there was I think Julian would be very resistant to the idea that he would "have" to change anything about himself. Julian is very unapologetically himself in every regard, so im pretty confident in saying that that would translate over to his gender identity and asserting that he is a man, and he doesnt need to change anything about himself or his body to be one
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#I dont typically put this much thought into my trans hcs but Julian being trans is an hc that fascinates me#from a character analysis standpoint#I think he wouldnt physically transition at all!#I dont think he'd even go on hormones#'but what about the facial hair in the prison camp' afab people can grow facial hair without hormones#'but what about the lack of titty' he could be wearing a binder#frankly I dont think he even would I think he's just flat-chested#it would track with his build. beanpole man#but yeah Julian as a trans man who does not physically transition. things I am thinking about often#like I said Julian does not apologize for any aspect of himself and is very loudly himself#and he doesnt let other people's opinions of him change that#look at his friendship with Miles#Miles loves to remind Julian how annoying he is and Julian thinks its funny#I think its one of the reasons they get along so well honestly#cause sure Miles complains but he also wouldnt change Julian and Julian knows that#I dont read Julian as being insecure about himself#he hates what's been done to him but he isnt like. insecure about it. he knows it wasn't his fault#he hides it for legal reasons not because he's insecure#but I think his resentment over what was done to him ties directly into how he would resist undergoing any procedures or physical changes#frankly I think Julian hates being a surgery patient just in general#I think he hates any procedure he cant be awake for#and he fights like a cat trying to get out of a bath anytime he has to go under#but thats a whole other post and hc#anyways trans Julian supremacy
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.


Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.


Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
going to read all the ace quest transcripts (again) so i can go into full depth of how that affected vivienne Because i really wanna talk about vivienne. desperately
#i love exploring vivi in this arc in particular because it shows that she does not cope well with people turning on her because they believ#something that isn't true about her. at all#not only that but remember the stuff i said about being seen as a symbol rather than an actual person? yeah.#this is like one of the few times where she's just straight up done. and exhausted.#and she hasn't felt like that since her last year in thailand. which she ended up coping terribly with. i mean she literally moves country#because rayong (her homecity) just feels suffocating.#also projecting onto to her a bit but i feel like general she can cope (kinda) with people having a negative opinion on her#but if that opinion going from positive to negative almost instantly#over her own words getting twisted and misinterpreted#then i think she splits. BAD.#which is why i usually chose the choices that are more “meaner” in this quests#i wouldn't really say mean but yeah#i guess harsher would be more fitting#not only that but after all that she ends up.. dating the guy who made her outwardly express negative emotions instead of keeping them to#herself. and you know what? i think that's what ended up drawing her to him#not only that but she also sees dao in him which is a whole other story she's fucking nuts deep down#sweetheart with unsuspected quiet beautiful princess disorder and nobody even realizes because she builds up more walls than it might seem#nobody would thinks she does cause she hides them THAT WELL#somebody get her a therapist#stat#something is deeply psychologically wrong with her and only five people have noticed#being a social butterfly that constantly concerns herself with her friends emotions so she can ignore hers and pretend they don't exist#bc if she doesn't acknowledge them then nobody can know#and that's for the best (in her mind)#oc - vivienne
4 notes
·
View notes