#it was honestly really embarrassing and i still think about it like six years later !

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[johnbrand]

Smoking Pays

With @aismoker

What? Can’t you see I’m in a rush?

Oh so you heard about the promotion. Yeah it was no surprise really, anyone could have predicted it.

Sure I have only been here for a year, but I came in with the qualities the boss was looking for. 

Honestly, I am a bit embarrassed for you. You’ve been around since what, when the company started? And after all that time you’re still some boring office drone, while I am quickly ascending the ranks.

What’s my secret? No, I didn't bribe the boss to get this position. And before you say it, I didn’t blackmail him either. I just did my research beforehand, I figured out what would help me and the boss click on a more personal level.

Smoking obviously. Speaking of which, you’ve held me up long enough that I have to light up another one. Yeah, this is my third this morning , and I’ll probably chain my way through a pack tonight. I'll likely have some coughing ahead but there’s no better way to subdue the hacking with many more reds. 

How long have I been smoking? Hmm...I guess a little over a year. When I applied for this company I picked it up, thinking it would give my resume that extra push. And boy was I right! When the boss first met me and noticed my carefully placed pack of Marlboros, he ushered me directly to HR for an immediate hire. Said I was “the type of man the office needs.” And now look at me, making six figures and not even 30!

I don’t know what smear campaign you are referring to, but I have not made any sacrifices since I picked up smoking. In fact, I would say I have only benefited from it. The smoking areas in the office are full of real men, dedicated to becoming the best version of themselves. I’m talking mentally and physically, sculpting their minds into commanding personas and their bodies into perfect shape. It was inspiring, and once you get used to all the smoke, the cravings ignite you even further.

I mean look at me. I’m in the best shape I have been in in my life. Super athletic and toned, eventually the muscle will start piling on. My voice is already lower and grittier than it was a year ago, demanding an actual presence. And sure, my hair is thinning but bald men are the true alphas! Once I’ve gone full cueball like the boss, that’s when I’ll start growing out my beard.

And as I continue this transformation, allowing smoking to shape and define me, the higher-ups will notice. The boss will notice. They may not directly see it, but subconsciously it will register. Who better to take his place than him, or at least, a copy of him? In this day and age, smoking is associated with masculinity and success.

You think I’m joking? Look at the people passing us right now. They aren’t looking at two businessmen having a conversation on the sidewalk. No, they are checking out the successful, suited stud with the Marlboro at his lips. Their eyes are gleaming with awe and wonder at the man radiating achievement and supremacy. And their minds simply disregard you, erase your existence through nicotine-fueled admiration and lust.

Look, I really gotta go. I cannot be late to my first meeting as a project lead. I’m working on that new defamation push against vaping. Our main tagline is that vaping shrinks penises. Is it even true? Well I can’t say that, but I can tell you something: smoking certainly does the opposite. Heheh…that was an improvement I had not expected to happen. So technically, it's not false as long as we compare the two.

Alright, seriously, I’ll talk to you later. Or probably not honestly, unless you decide to be a real man and do something with your life. Here, I’m about halfway through this Marlboro, so you can finish it off and I’ll light up a new one for the rest of my walk. Smoking pays, man, smoking pays.

[yomiurinikei]

KEISUKE IRANAMI!!!!!! (<- self proclaimed no1 keisuke fan)

okay i lied post gets to go live NOW !! long time no keisuke hi boyyyy…

•was a bit of a late bloomer, Specifically, took a minute to hit his height. he grew less than 10cm over the few years he was expected to grow more and was worried that was It

•then he effectively Woke Up and grew like a bean sprout. tbh was a Bit embarrassed abt it for a while, i can see a sibling or two or six teasing him abt finally growing Up

•the reason for his longer hair in sdra2 is Honestly more that he hasn’t set aside time to go get it cut than anything

•smthn smthn caring for your appearance/presentation… his sense of self falls under his devotion to his beliefs, bc he’s following a System and Orders instead of thinking things through on his own. 

•does still take good care of himself in terms of hygiene though. his hair is very smooth!!! well brushed

•speaking of haircuts, as a kid, satsuki Hated getting her hair cut so keisuke always got his cut at the same time as her. whenever she needed a haircut, he’d go w her and get his done first, and then she’d go so they could match <3

•totally has had no impact on his haircut avoidance now. totally.

•in general keisuke doesn’t really have time for things he wants to do… but that’s kinda a lie. its less about having the time and way more abt like… bc of how Dedicated he is to his work at the foundation, he… doesn’t have much life outside it. but that’s less bc he works long hours and stuff- it just.. Consumes him

•he gets to his apartment and thinks about the foundation. he doesn’t go get engaged with a hobby. if he’s Invested in anything it’s the foundation. nothing else interests him

•THOUGH i don’t wanna portray sdra2 keisuke as empty shell of a man

•like he’s clearly still close w ryutaro and midori even if things come to a Head when we last see them. he’s clearly maintained a relationship w them!!!! he’s still iranami keisuke, who served his role in helping everyone survive 6.5

•and he’s just Fixates on the foundation. because it gives him a code of beliefs. a system to follow. it’s a promise. 

•he just has Worse issues than he lets on. which is why ryutaro and midori seem so surprised w how he is. he goes w them for dinner and hosts them at his apartment for a game night. and it’s fun and he’s having fun and he’s fun to be around. and he’s one of Many who’s just severely crushed by the tragedy. this is how he’s taped himself together

•hey whoops. this direction was uhh not where i meant to go! speaking of board games he feels like a chutes and ladders guy

•HEY ALSO. TBT OLD POST. he gives satsuki all his grape jolly ranchers. she gives him all her blue raspberries (…most of them. a girl needs variety in her diet!)

•doesn’t have a big sweet tooth but like fruit + cream sweets. roll cakes and etc..

•favorite season is winter but he likes to stay In during it. lowkey has poor circulation in tragedy days, his fingers get Cold fast

•really huge on the Cut of his clothing in terms of how it fits on him. he needs pressure on the right places… likes things heavier on his shoulders, looser around his waist. (context for this is i was looking at his overalls (?) on satsukis design sheet + 6.5 design)

•i think the uniform kinda bugs him bc of this. he likes the vest but he’s gone a size up w the pants. no one tell tsurugi

•just naturally has a p balanced diet. likes a lot of foods!

•Generally not a big seafood guy tho. this is occasionally an issue w traveling around for the circus(/tragedy agriculture changes) bc it’s Such a common meal staple, but it’s part of why he likes sm different things. he’ll eat Anything else

•any seafood he has has to be Coated in sauce/seasoning/etc. if it tastes like the sea, he’ll sea you later.

•a fan of Moderate spice. likes it when it’s used Tastefully~ ….satsuki pranks him a Good Bit w spicy foods. he coughed it up once and she spiraled abt it bc she felt so bad-

•was a HUGE bookworm as a kid. kinda defied stereotypes by still being v friendly and sociable, but he Loooved to read.

•satsuki picked up reading p quickly bc she was curious abt what he was up to. wasn’t super caught by books, though. liked being read to, so keisuke tried to Monitor his book choices a bit

•started to be satsukis #1 big sibling after getting randomly handed her to watch Once. he was just her deigned caretaker after that, and once she was old enough to convey her wants, it was p clear she associated him w being happy <333

•would’ve gotten into photography as a preteen if he wasn’t busy w his family and the circus

•a pretty good cook! but bc of the range of things he likes, he can sometimes make things that others are a bit wary of.

•tbh he’s content living by himself but i think if he had some pets it’d make him happier than he thinks it would.. (+ would Make him be invested in smthn new)

•particularly i see him w cats since they’re happy w being indoor only, while dogs Need to go out. little white and black kitty… long haired orange cat….. my visions are So clear!!!!

[tea-and-secrets]

god i just need to get this off my chest.

so essentially when I was super young, like.. 11, i faked my own death online, posing as a girl who was 15/16 or so, if i remember correctly. i don't remember why, i think i was genuinely on the brink or something, and decided that, yeah, it would be the best way to cope. i DID try and go through with it but i was also 11 and didn't know what to do or anything, and i was really embarrassed because i had caused so much pain to people over it. these people were so close to me though, so i decided i had to come back, using an alt and claiming to be a friend of that person.

along the road, there were a lot of other misunderstandings, but it was fine, i made new friends.

a few years later, i kinda lose it again, and i lie and use another alt account based off of my real life partner at the time and invite it to a server and 'date' her. made her really mean and everything too to my friends. i never meant what i said, but that doesn't excuse me behaviour. i was sorta clambering though, because after that, i lost.. basically everyone. i regret the confrontation because they did it at like.. 11PM my time, and i was scared and i was so fucking young and i didn't know how to deal with what was happening and so all i could do was put on that sort of smarmy "mature front" that most 14/15 year olds do. all of those people were way older than me too, by the way.

i'm clean now, somewhat, i guess. i'm older and i have new friends and they're the world to me but . day by day those circles are starting to crossover. two of my friends have gotten close with people from those groups, and i'm scared that one day it'll all fall apart. i don't know what I'll do then.

i don't really know what my new friends will think when they learn the details of what happened to me years ago, honestly.

it's not like everything is a lie, either though. i've gone through... so, so much outside of that. most of the things i lied about became truth as i got older anyways, but i still feel horrible lol

there's so much more to it but honestly i just regret everything. i've been living a lie for like six years and I'll have to keep it up. I've gotten help now, and as I matured and grew older, I left behind those attention seeking habits. i just wish the people i hurt would be able to see the person I've become today and realise i was barely a teenager when everything happened. i know it doesn't change the damage i did, by saying i was just a kid, but.. i still think it's still significant. i'm a stand up guy now and everything, too. i work in a field where i can make a difference directly, helping kids who were just like me when i was super young, and i started using my talents for good, i guess.

i doubt the people i hurt will ever recognise me or this but if they do i'm so fucking sorry for everything. you guys were genuinely some of the nicest people i had ever met and i had no reason to hurt you all like that. i was broken and i was unwell, but i should've asked for help rather than running away all those years ago. sorry for never coming clean to you directly about the start of my web of lies. i did end up losing my best friend like i said years ago but she wasn't the girl you guys knew. i want to leave and start again once I'm a little older now but.. that means hurting the solid foundation i have now. there's a lot more to this but, still.

maybe i should stop picking at the scab of the wound though and find it in myself to move on. thank you for reading i guess

.

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Eight

After we finish our fish and chips, Liam and I go down to the waterfront to meet Jen and the others. I know that he doesn’t really want to come but he also didn’t want me to walk there on my own. I know I really shouldn’t have mentioned her invitation at all, but as far as I could tell our date was over anyway. He doesn’t try to hold my hand during the walk, and a part of me is a little relieved by it. I don’t like it when he’s upset with me, but honestly sometimes all of the hand holding and displays of affection feel like too much. 

“That’s them.” Liam says, pointing to a crowd of tiny figures way in the distance. I squint my eyes. “How can you see them from here?” 

“I can’t, but I can smell weed.” 

I realise that I can too, not that I’m overly familiar with weed, I’ve never smoked, but that dank, earthy smell really lingers in the air. 

“Heeey!” Jen says when we finally get close enough to them. Her eyes look a little red. She comes over and gives me a hug, and then Jude does too. He’s wearing a red hoodie that makes his sallow skin and dark hair look striking, and he smells nice. Not like he’s wearing any sort of cologne, just kind of naturally nice. Still, I wish he hadn’t hugged me when I feel Liam’s resentful eyes on us, and I make sure to stand as far away from Jude as I can once he lets me go. 

“What happened to your face?” Shane asks me bluntly, and I snap around to look at him, feeling immediately embarrassed. He’s stoned too, his lids heavy and his mouth curled up into an audacious little smile. 

“Nothing happened,” I say, self consciously running a finger under my eye, thinking that maybe the mascara has smudged. “Kelly did my makeup.”

“Well, you look mad.” He starts to laugh uproariously. 

“Don’t mind him.” Jen says, rolling her eyes. “You look lovely as usual.” Joe passes a joint to her and then she offers it to me once she’s taken a drag. “You want?”

“Ah, no. She can’t have any.” Says Shane. “I wouldn’t let Evie do any of this stuff, she’s only a baby.”

“I’m seventeen.” I remind him, and he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

“Well you’ll always be twelve to me.” I hmph and grumble a bit, but I decide not to protest about it too much. I don’t really want to smoke anyway. 

Jen holds it out to Liam instead. “How about you?” Then I catch Jude’s eye across the circle, and he gives me the tiniest of smirks. I know he’s thinking about the story he told me yesterday: The one about the fake joint, and I have to fight against myself not to smile and let on that I’ve heard about it.  

“No thanks.” Liam says. “I’m probably not going to stay for long anyway, I have to get up at six for work.” He takes out his phone. “Actually, I think I’m going to text my dad to come and get me now.” He glances at me. “So if you want a lift, Evie, you can come.” 

I shake my head. “No, I think I’m going to stay.” 

“Will you just get a taxi then or what?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get her home safely.” Jude tells him, and I notice that Liam won’t look at him when he responds. “Will you? But sure you’re all stoned.”

“I’m not.” Jude says. “She’ll be fine with us.”

“Okay.” Liam shrugs, and that’s that. I feel bad for him, because he looks so sad, but I really don’t want to sit in the car with him and his dad during the twenty minute drive back to the holiday village when he’s so upset with me. Honestly I can’t think of anything that would be more punishing. 

When he leaves about half an hour later I feel relieved. He didn’t try to kiss me goodbye either, he just gave me a nod and then muttered something about seeing me around the Surf Shack tomorrow. When he’s gone I feel different in a way that I can’t explain. There is a stirring feeling in my tummy and something in the air feels more charged as I am here, alone, miles away from my friends and the people who I often need around me as a safety net. It’s just me and these eighteen and nineteen year olds that I barely know, and somehow they think I’m passable enough in personality to let me stay out here with them. 

Shane pokes me in the arm when I’m in the middle of taking it all in, and immediately draws me out of it. “Where’s Claire tonight?”

I feel like being bold. “Why do you want to know?”

“Just wondering. Sure you’re always together, you two.”

“And Kelly.” I remind him. “The three of us. You don’t seem as worried about where your sister is tonight, though.”

“Ah! Well… they’re together back in the mobile are they?”

“Yeah they are. I think they’re catching up on Survivor.”

“They’re always at that, watching reality TV. Waste of time is what I say. You should have brought them out with you when you were coming into town.”

“If you wanted Claire to come so badly I don’t know why you didn’t just ask her yourself.”

I don’t even realise that Jude has come over to us until he speaks, “What are you two talking about?” and it gives me such a fright that I hop backwards. He looks at me amused. “Sorry Evie, didn’t mean to scare you.” I blush. Why do I always feel spring-loaded around him? I compose myself quickly and explain: “I was telling him that he should ask Claire on a date.” 

He laughs. “Jen has him tortured about that too. He won’t do it.”

“Ah, it’s not like that.” Shane says defensively. “I… I don’t fancy her.”

“You do though.”

“No…”

“Yes, obviously, man.”

He looks tormented. “No, even if I did, I couldn’t… She’s too…” He trails off, but I know what he means. She’s too beautiful. 

“Far be it from me to say anything nice about you.” I tell him. “But she’s been with uglier boys.”

Jude laughs a little at this, and it makes me feel good, but I really do mean what I’m saying. Shane has never been my favourite person, but I’ve seen the way that he looks at Claire and the way that she seems to gravitate towards him at every meeting we have. I don’t know what Kelly would say if they got together, but I really don’t think that Shane and Claire would be the worst pairing in the world. 

“You’ll never know how she feels about you until you ask her.” Jude says with a shrug. “It’s not that hard.”

“Well, sometimes it is.” I say, and I know that he and I have had entirely opposite experiences in this regard. I can’t imagine anything that involves feelings for someone being remotely ‘not that hard’, when every aspect of it is actually the hardest and most agonising thing in the world to me. Jude carries on talking anyway so my brooding words are kind of lost in the middle of his flow. 

“Text her and say that you want to hang out on your own with her.”

Shane stares morosely at his phone. “And how do I phrase that?”

Jude takes it out of his hands and starts typing something. I can’t see what it is so I crane my neck and try to catch a glimpse, but he playfully shoulders me away and turns the screen away from me. “This isn’t for your eyes Evie, this is personal business.”

“Let me see!” I pester him and keep trying to see what he’s typing. He’s very good at dodging me though, twisting and turning in all sorts of ways to stop me from seeing what’s on the screen all while typing away on it, a little line of concentration etched between his brows. Finally he hands the phone to Shane and I sigh with disappointment having missed my opportunity to see. 

“You,” Jude says then, whirling on me. “Should mind your own business.” There’s that playful look in his eye again and I know that he’s amused by me so I start laughing. “Why wouldn’t you show me!”

“Because it’s a private conversation!”

I see that Shane has turned bright red beside us and is shaking his head incredulously. “Ah no, I can’t send this to her. Who would send this?”

“I would send it.” Jude shrugs. 

Jen pokes her head over curiously. “What are we crying about?” Shane then shows her the message and she rolls her eyes. “Let me have a guess at who typed this.” She points an accusatory finger at Jude and he just laughs. Jen takes the phone out of Shane’s hand and I can see her start to delete whatever was typed there. “Filthy.” She mutters. “Don’t let him send this to poor sweet Claire.” she puts a protective hand on Shane’s shoulder and says to him. “I’ll help you write something that a woman would appreciate.”

I turn to Jude as they convene. “Why didn’t you want me to see the text?”

“Because you wanted it too badly.” 

“The only reason I wanted to see it was because you wouldn’t show me!”

“Well, I guess you’ll never know.” He reaches behind us into what looks like somebody’s old school bag and pulls out a can of cider. “Do you want this?” 

“Are you sure I’m allowed?”

He smirks. “Yes, I’ll allow it.” I take it from him and crack it open to have a drink. It’s kind of warm, but I don’t complain. Still, I can’t resist making another jab at him. “I’m surprised you guys will spare me a meagre can of your Tesco brand cider, seeing as I’m not allowed to smoke your weed or read your silly text messages.” 

“You can smoke our weed.” He says, giving Shane a sideways glance. “Don’t let him stop you. Just go ask Joe and he’ll give you some.” This makes me panic slightly because I didn’t actually want any, I just wanted to make a point. I didn’t expect the doors to my first potential joint to swing open so easily and I scramble to hold them closed again. “Oh, no I don’t feel like any right now, thanks.” 

“Sure.”

Prev // Next

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 2: Routine

prev. // next

After that party, you weren’t exactly holding out a huge amount of hope that you’d be asked to hang out again anytime soon, but just two days later, Dico was ringing your doorbell. 

"Hey dude! Is there any way you’d be able to drive me, Bam, and Raab down to the skate park? I’d drive, but my carburetor is busted." 

You look past Dico to see his two friends arguing with each other in your yard. 

"You know my friends liked hanging with you the other night; don’t tell him I told you this, but I think Raab thinks you’re cute." Dico continues and chuckles to himself. 

You blush in embarrassment and agree to drive them, going to put your shoes on and grab your wallet and keys. When you join Dico outside, Bam and Raab stop arguing, and Raab smiles at you. 

"Thanks for driving us, man." Raab says, and you can see Bam trying to hold back laughter. 

"No problem. You’re going to have to direct me though; I don’t know where we’re going." You say while unlocking the car and climbing in the driver's seat. 

"I better sit shot gun then." Bam says before hitting Raab in the balls and running to the front seat. Raab doubles over in pain, and after a minute, he slowly walks over and gets in the car.

"Not cool, man."

On the ride over, Bam goes through the CDs that you keep in your glove box. 

"Those are my dad's; it’s mostly just oldies... this was his old car." You say, not wanting Bam to make any judgments about you. Those CDs are a far cry from the type of music that was being played at the party. 

"Cool."

When you arrive at the skate park, you can already see a group of people that you recognize standing together in the parking lot. You quietly follow the boys over to the group and calm your nerves by trying to believe that what Dico said earlier about his friends thinking you were cool was the truth. A few of them acknowledge that they recognize you, which helps. 

Soon, those who do skate go off to do their thing while you hang back with those who don't at some picnic tables nearby. The blonde guy, Ryan, who you talked to a bit at the party, sits down next to you and offers you a cigarette. 

"So tell me, do you remember my name?" He asks as you take the offered cigarette, and he lights it for you. You smile. 

"Ryan, right?" You ask, and he nods while lighting his own cigarette. 

"You don’t skate?" He asks you, and you shake your head. 

"My older brother used to skate, but he’s like six years older than me and never wanted me around when he was with his friends. So I just never really learned." You explain, "What about you?" 

"Oh, nah, I’m as uncoordinated as they come. I’m just around to hang and record shit, and cause, well, I guess I have nothing better to do." 

The rest of the summer went by quickly, with you being adopted into this misfit friend group and falling into their routine. Every few days, Dico would ring your doorbell or call your house and ask if you wanted to meet the others either at the skate park or someone else’s house. You’d spend hours talking and goofing around, and you'd sometimes smoke and drink. You’d go to parties and music gigs and record the boys doing skate tricks and pranks. By the time senior year rolled around, you could honestly say that you had never felt more comfortable and happy with a group of friends. 

You immediately felt checked out of school when the year started, doing the bare minimum to pass, though you found that you could still manage getting B’s and C’s. You had a vague plan to attend West Chester University the next year, which you knew wouldn’t be hard to get into, so getting mediocre grades wasn’t a concern. Mostly, you’d just look forward to the end of the school day, when you and oftentimes Jess (Bam’s brother and the tall, ginger guy from the band) would drive to meet the rest of the guys. Bam himself had dropped out the year before, so he’d usually have already gathered all the graduated boys somewhere by the time school was out. 

You started meeting at Bam and Jess’s home more often and had a friendly rapport with their parents. Ape, their mom, especially liked you because she felt you were more responsible and well-mannered than everyone else, which wasn’t untrue. You’d help her wash dishes or carry in groceries whenever you had the chance. 

Your parents didn’t seem to be particularly concerned with you spending time with random boys they had never met. You had told them early on that they were all "friends of Dico," which seemed to be enough for them to think it was all fine. They both worked late anyway, and they just seemed to be glad that you were getting out of the house more often than years prior. 

The months went by, and although on paper your life might have seemed monotonous, you were actually having more fun than you could ever remember. Your friendships with each of the boys were individually deepening, and you knew you were no longer just Dico’s neighbor. You were a part of the group. 

There was a party on New Year's Eve going into 1996, and when the clock hit midnight, Raab tried to kiss you. Dico had been right all those months ago when he said that he thought Raab had a crush on you. You’d mainly ignored it up to that point, seeing Raab more as a little brother figure than anything else. Before that night, he had never tried anything on you, and when he went in for the kiss, you had to awkwardly decline and explain to him that you were interested in someone else. 

You’d developed a bit of a crush on Jess due to you two spending so much alone time in your car or at each other's houses. Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend, and you weren’t the type to interfere in something like that, so you just quietly pined for him. 

Raab seemed to get over your rejection almost immediately, and within the next couple months, you were completely over Jess too. You weren’t the type to feel depressed over being single, and you decided it was probably for the best anyway that you didn’t date within the friend group. 

Bam’s skateboard career had been gradually taking off more and more, which brought more attention to your friend group from people around town. It felt kind of weird to be looked at by random people just for being associated with Bam, but you could largely ignore it at this point. Bam and a few of the others tried to teach you how to skate in the spring, and you got the hang of just riding around pretty quickly but never really dedicated yourself to learning tricks. Most of the time, you just prefer to watch and record. 

After you graduated high school, your uncle hooked you up with a job at the record store that his friend owned. The boys would come visit you often and use your discount. You were going to start at West Chester University in the fall, and you wanted to work as much as possible to afford an apartment so you wouldn’t have to live in the dorms. Dico made a joke one night about being roommates with you, and you expressed to him that you actually didn’t think it would be a bad idea. 

"It would be cheaper…" you said. 

"Yeah, and it’s getting kinda embarrassing to tell people I still live with my parents." 

So you two moved into a shitty apartment close by the university in August and decided to have a housewarming party a week in, despite having barely any furniture. 

- 

"Nice place." Ryan says as he, Raab, and a few other acquaintances walk in. 

"No need to lie." You joke as you guide them to the living room, where Dico is trying to set up his stereo. 

"Where the hell is everyone?" Raab asks, and right on cue, Bam, Jess, and a large crowd of people barge in. Bam throws his skateboard down and skates into the living room, running straight into Ryan and causing them both to fall over. 

"What the hell?" Ryan groans, and suddenly the sound of loud metal music fills the space from Dico’s stereo. 

"Let’s party." Dico yells as he starts trying to mosh into this dude, Rake, who is taken by surprise. You decide to leave the room before you get sucked into whatever is about to happen. 

You head to the kitchen to grab a beer and see that Ryan has followed you. You hand him one, and he holds it to his head, which he must have hit when Bam slammed into him. 

"You alright?" You ask, but can’t help but smirk at the pained look on Ryan’s face. 

"Don’t make fun of me." He says, and you throw your hands up in defense. 

"I’m not!" 

"Hey, who are those guys?" Ryan points to two guys who look to be in their late 20s walking through the front door. 

"Oh, those are our downstairs neighbors. I figured we should invite them to avoid noise complaints." You say, though you don't want to admit that it was also because you find one of them cute. 

"Great, like we need more dudes here." Ryan complains, and you chuckle and give him a pat on the shoulder. 

"Don't worry, some of my girl friends from work should be showing up soon." You say and leave to go talk to your neighbors. 

After lots of conversations, drinks, and cigarettes, you go into your room to make sure no one is hooking up or messing with your shit in there. You open the door to see Bam, Ryan, and Raab standing around talking. 

"I’m telling you, no girl is gonna want to fuck you while you’re wearing those dumbass cargo shorts—you look twelve." Bam says to Raab and then notices you in the doorway. "Am I right?" he asks you.

"I'm not getting involved in this." 

"Whatever, it’s not like you’re getting laid either." Bam says, and you roll your eyes. 

"What are you all doing in my room anyway?" You ask. 

"I was just moving my shit out of the living room." Bam explains and points at his skateboard and jacket on the floor. 

"And I was just following Bam." Raab adds. 

You look at Ryan, who has moved to lounge on your bed. "What about you?"  

"I don’t know." 

"Well, can you guys get out?" You ask. 

"Why? It’s not like you’ll be using your bed." Bam jokes, and you just sigh frustratedly and leave. 

Bam wasn’t exactly wrong about you not getting any action, and you didn’t want to admit that it was making you insecure. The guys talked about sex a lot, like all teenage boys do, and you have unfortunately been the victim of many jokes ever since they found out you were a virgin. Although the comments Bam made were just him being a dick for fun, you found that they were bothering you more than usual tonight. 

After taking another shot in the kitchen, your eyes land on the downstairs neighbor who you’d been talking to earlier that night. He's cute, and usually you’d be too timid to approach in a forthright way, but the alcohol mixed with the frustration you feel propels you to approach the guy. 

You go up to him and put your hand on his shoulder. "You think I could get a tour of your apartment?" you ask confidently, and his eyes widen. 

"Now?" 

"If now’s a good time," You tilt your head, and he nods. 

"Yeah, let’s go." 

And well, you sleep with him. Just like that. It was fine—not life-changing or anything—not that you were expecting it to be. You were glad you did it, but when you wake up in his room at 8 a.m., you want nothing more than your own bed. 

You get up quietly and debate leaving a note, but don't. If he needed to contact you, you’d be upstairs. 

After getting dressed, you leave the apartment and go up to yours. You don't have your keys, but luckily, the door was left unlocked. When you go inside, you let out a huge sigh at the mess of cups and mysterious stains on your carpet. The coffee table that you and Dico had gotten just two days ago was broken down the middle, and in your heart, you know Bam was responsible. 

You open the door to your room and, surprisingly, see Ryan and Raab sleeping on your bed. Their legs are intertwined, and you decide to take a photo with your camera to tease them later. After taking the photo, you pick up a towel off the floor and hit them both with it a few times until they wake up. 

"Dude, stop." Raab says and rubs the spot where you hit him. 

"Why are you two in my bed?" You ask, and Ryan wipes his eyes. 

"Too drunk, needed to crash... where were you anyway?" Ryan questions, and Raab giggles. 

"I think he means to ask, who were you with?" Raab says, and Ryan raises his eyebrows. 

"It doesn’t matter." You say, and Raab scoffs. 

"I was giving you the chance to be honest; I saw you leave with that dude. Dico said he lives downstairs." 

You push Raab so that he half falls out of the bed. 

"Please guys, I need to sleep." You plead as Raab stands up. 

"So do we; I’ll just take the floor." Raab says and grabs one of the pillows from the bed. You’re about to argue with him, but your headache is killing you, and all you want to do is lay down. So you sigh and take your shoes and socks off before climbing in bed with Ryan. 

You fall asleep almost immediately, and when you wake up, it’s around 3 p.m. and the boys are gone. You sit up and see that there’s a note sitting on your bedside table. 

"Thanks. 

-Ryan"

——————

Thanks for all the support for my first chapter! I’d originally intended to do like 2 chapters of set up and immediately jump to Viva La Bam era for the rest of the story but I’m having too much fun developing this character and writing about these earlier interactions. I’ll prob start moving faster starting next chapter though. Hopefully it’s not moving too slow for you guys! It’s still going to be a Ryan x OC story I promise. Hopefully I’ll get the next chapter out within the next few days.

[mattsdae]

You seem to be interested in South Park Studios pranks, so:

They like to have fun with their money too. In the office, Parker will give someone $5,000 to eat pickled pork lips bought on the Internet or put them in a cash-grab machine for thirty-one minutes or make them eat six McDonald’s McRib sandwiches and four Starbucks lattes in one sitting (the kid puked up some of it, and he made him drink the puke). One year, he refereed a two-month-long weight-losing competition in the office. The pool was $3,700. The winner lost forty-eight pounds in nine weeks. “Right before we gave him the money, I was like, ‘Wait, let’s get a box,'” says Parker excitedly. “I told him he won and he could have the money or the box. He took the box, which actually had $8,000 in it. It was seriously one of the most exciting moments ever.” He shakes his head. “He took the fucking box.”

“I’m the go-to fart-on girl,” says Jennifer Howell, a friend who works for their production company, Important Films. “Matt and Trey like to pin me down and fart on me, or fart on my food when I walk out of the room. One time, flying first-class to Toronto, Trey stood up on his seat and farted in my face. At the airport gate, they like to play ‘angry boyfriend,’ screaming at me and pretending to hit me in the face.” She laughs, perhaps a better sport than she should be. “There’s nothing I can say to embarrass them in return, other than say they have small penises or my friends say they were really shitty in bed. Plus, they’ve warned me that any revenge I exact will come back a hundredfold.”

“I’ve been witness to many gross things Matt and Trey have done to other people with their private areas, front and back,” says Goodman later. “A while ago in Cabo San Lucas, one of the guys passed out in our hotel room and Matt stuck his full penis and balls on his face while I took pictures.” Parker is by all accounts the worse offender. “A few years ago, Trey had a habit of sneaking up on a bunch of us while we were sitting around watching football,” says Goodman. “He’d stand behind us, quietly turn around, pull his pants down, spread his legs apart and go, ‘Hey, guys.’ “

They also like to mess with the show's post production department, like one time they put penetration shots of gay porn in between takes just so the guys had to watch it while taking it out

Matt also chased their animation director Eric Stough threatening to kill him after the guy farted on his lunch and made Eric lock himself in his car in fear, and then Matt and Trey pissed all over his car

honestly, i’m gonna act like i never read any of this bc i can’t wrap my head around how much i hate them as people, even if i find them attractive. they are genuinely insufferable people and i am well aware of that, i just choose not to think about it.

(i got the source https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-news/south-park-still-sick-still-wrong-231538/ )

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I can’t respond to comments with this account (only my primary) but I wanted to answer this!

This is all Harry says about Diana’s engagement ring in Spare:

“Soon after we returned to Britain the Palace announced that Willy was going to marry. November 2010. News to me. All that time together in Lesotho, he’d never mentioned it.

The papers published florid stories about the moment I realized Willy and Kate were well matched, the moment I appreciated the depth of their love and thus decided to gift Willy the ring I’d inherited from Mummy, the legendary sapphire, a tender moment between brothers, a bonding moment for all three of us, and absolute rubbish: none of it ever happened. I never gave Willy that ring because it wasn’t mine to give. He already had it. He’d asked for it after Mummy died, and I’d been more than happy to let it go.” (Chapter 40)

The rumor about Diana’s engagement ring was actually started by Paul Burrell. He gave an interview (either sometime between 1997 - 2010 or around the time William and Kate became engaged) in which he said that the brothers each chose one thing of Diana’s; Harry chose the ring and William chose the watch, and they both agreed that whoever married first would get the ring to propose with. Everyone fell for it. Because, at the time, Paul was still considered a reliable expert on all things Diana’s boys. He didn’t really fall out of favor with the Diana crowd until much more recently. 

Six years later, Meghan showed up wearing a watch that she claimed was Diana’s, which gave new life to Paul’s claims that Harry chose the ring, William wanted the watch, and they swapped when William wanted to propose to Kate. Which then led to all of the “William stole the ring from Harry and it really belongs to Meghan” stories/PR from Sunshine Sachs. 

There’s another blog around here (either Plant or Empress) who did a quick analysis and found that Meghan’s PR talked about Diana’s ring every couple months like clockwork, usually timed for either when Kate was doing something or when Meghan needed some positive press.

So, firstly, I am really honestly super surprised that Harry didn’t talk more about Diana’s engagement ring in Spare. For someone who’s obsessed with what the press says about him, surely he knows what people are saying. He probably thinks that “absolute rubbish: none of it ever happened” is enough to close the door on that conversation. But...Harry doesn’t know the calls are coming from inside the house. He doesn’t know or he doesn’t accept that Meghan is the one telling people that the ring belongs to her, because she totally drank the koolaid.

Secondly, if you haven’t read Spare, it’s divided into three parts. Part 1 is Diana’s death till just before his first deployment. Part 2 is his first deployment till just before he meets Meghan. Part 3 is meeting Meghan to Platinum Jubilee. (Prologue is Philip’s funeral, Epilogue is Queen’s funeral. Dude has a secret obsession with death, IMO.) Anyway, Meghan’s fingerprints are ALL over Part 3, but not in Parts 1 or 2 - and the most embarrassing stories about Harry are in Parts 1 and 2. This suggests that Meghan didn’t bother reading Parts 1 and 2, focused only on herself like the narcissistic celebrity she is.

She probably didn’t even know that Harry talked about Diana’s engagement ring and blew her game. So it’ll be interesting to see if we get any new articles about Diana’s engagement ring being taken from Harry and actually belonging to Meghan now.

(I don’t think Paul was ever there when the boys reviewed Diana’s possessions. He probably heard about it from someone who was there and spun it like he himself had organized and facilitated the boys’ visit. And no one doubted it because that’s how Paul branded himself after Diana passed - he was her loyal servant, her trusted confidante, her gatekeeper. It also certainly didn’t help that The Queen saved his hide by rescuing him from litigation over the theft of items from Diana’s home.)

Edit: Hangry typos.

[soullessjack]

How'd it go!!!!

It was amazing!!!!!!!! Alex was so lovely and funny to meet and such a sweetheart. I was also at Mark Sheppard’s panel and he is fucking hilarious, I almost got a headache from laughing so hard. He should seriously consider standup.

I sat through Rob and DJ’s panels as well before my meet and greet with Alex, they are both just so absolutely amazing and wonderful. And the meet & greet!!!! So much fun!!!! We were all really nervous, even Alex, so the conversations kept bouncing around but it was very much enjoyable! He started it with a whole bit about being a corporate bringing us in to fire us and give us a compensatory pizza party (also a funny bonus, we got on the topic of worst jobs and one of the people seated said “corporate hell,” and Alex said “but isn’t that all corporate?” love it so much).

I ended up missing the photo ops for lunch of all things lmfaooo, but we did a group photo with the meet and greet and airdropped the photos from other phones. If I ever get the chance to meet him again at another con I’m completely committed to getting a selfie with the stupidest angle possible tho.

I wish I could relay what he thought of the gifts and the written messages note but I could only be there for the day, so it’s possible we’ll never know unless he brings it up today or at another con. But I think he seemed to like it! He seemed most interested in the books I gave him, The Westing Game and an essay collection about identity psychology called Who Am I.

I also gave him ice wine teabags because that’s one of my most favorite teas ever and it’s actually ironically a Canadian brand! And he told me that ice wine is like a Canadian dessert drink but he didn’t know about the tea. And at his panel I grew enough balls to take the mic and actually ask him something! I can’t remember the full wording just from sheer excitement and exhaustion but it was something to the effect of, “Firstly I wanna say I really appreciate how much passion you have about what you do, and it really means a lot to me as an artist that you still care, so from one artist to another thank you for caring about your work, and what are some other things that inspire you to keep caring.” Sadly I don’t remember what he’d answered, but I’m sure once the panel goes up on YT I’ll find it again and be able to absorb it in the quiet peace of my cave

(It’s honestly a little embarrassing how much of this I actually don’t fully remember, but supposedly that’s a natural experience for people going to such exciting events like concerts or cons. Too much excitement and joy it all just blots out in your brain or something).

I truly enjoyed every bit of it, but for me the absolute highlight of the day was just being given his bracelet in exchange for what I’d given him. Not even kidding, I sobbed over it in my brother’s car almost six hours later after we’d left. And towards the end of the M&G (which was sort of rushed to make time for Osric’s panel but that’s ok) I asked if I could hug him and let me tell you. Hugging is one of my favorite forms of love language ever, and I’ve been told that I give very good ones, and I’ve wanted to give him a hug (I’ve wanted everything in this day practically) for nearly six years, so it was just amazing.

I never once doubted anyone who’s said he’s a sweetheart, but really being there and seeing him and talking to him and seeing that in the flesh. . It’s something else. I also had some very lovely and interesting conversations with some stand runners, like this one guy who has a comic series about the first werewolf and we got into a convo about Superman and BTAS vs STAS and actually met the first black writer/editor/artist/everything for Superman in DC, Christopher Priest, and a wonderful old lady and her (presumably) daughter who sold exclusive-yet-expensive figurines and made their own sterling silver SPN jewelry for JIBCONs. Artists meeting artists. Loved every minute of it!!!

I also talked to this sweet attendee lady who’s been to eight conventions beforehand and got some wonderful con advice from her. And one woman in the meet and greet circle who makes kandi bracelets and gifted me one of the many SPN themed ones she’d made! Right after the M&G finished I met my brother on the balcony and he’d been talking to another attendee from Canada who told me about her meeting alex yesterday and how sweet he was with her! She hugged us both and wished us a safe travel and yeah.

Overall it was such a wonderful experience and I can really see why it’s considered its own family and such a staple of the fandom. If I could ever go to any more in my life or even have my own stand set up someday I would honestly be set for life!! I hope you and anyone else who’s never gotten to go to one before has the same chance, because it really is so life changing and amazing. I talked to maybe like, 12—20 people of the entire attending population but I still felt so…connected with everybody there.

♾️/ 10 would absolutely no hesitation impulsive decision reckless spending do it again, especially to meet Alex again!!!!!!!

[alpaca-clouds]

Hello! For the character ask, I'm submitting the lovely vampire wives Striga and Morana 😁

Alright. Let's do those two. Because man, do I love them! And heck, I totally have a fuckton of headcanons. No wonder, because they have basically no background in the canon! xD

Sexuality Headcanon

Morana is "I am too old to care"-sexual. xD She is just so ancient, that gender and sex totally have stopped mattering to her. I guess you can call that pansexual.

Striga is a trans and bisexual, though she prefers women over men. :)

OTP

Duh. The two of them together. Striga/Moana. Just... They are so wonderful with each other!

BroTP

For Morana my BroTP is Morana & Carmilla. I have them be the closest out of the sisters (outside of Striga/Morana of course). Which also informs how she thinks about Carmilla's death.

For Striga... I am kinda partial to the way I write the Striga & Isaac friendship. I am sorry. Headcanon. As I said.

NOTP

Honestly, I don't like those two with anyone but each other.

First headcanon that pops into my head

For Striga it is, that as a human she was the oldest (surviving) sibling out of six. As their parents were dead and they needed money, she became a mercenary. Which lead to her hunting down vampires. So one day she met this old vampire, Lazarus. He killed her entire troop, but because she kept fighting, he decided she was a worthy recruit and turned her against her will. He then proceeded to kill her siblings. (Don't worry, she killed him a few decades later)

For Morana it is that she is from an ancient Persian kingdom, that was ruled by vampires. So promising kids were raised by the vampires and then turned in their prime. She was one of the kids. So she was a queen about 1700 years ago. But in the end the kingdom fell and she became a drifter for several centuries.

Favorite line from this character

For Striga it is this one. (I love her humor!) "Your idea was the equivalent of the village idiot walking in here and saying, "I think we should be able to light fires by punching a fish." It basically made no sense and Morana made it work anyway."

Just this last bit from their last scene: "Striga… you and I? It's not like we ever really needed anything else." I love them! I love their love! And I am aromantic, but they are so... perfect with each other.

One way in which I relate to this character

For Striga it is entirely through my headcanon, I admit. Because I headcanon her as trans and I am trans and... yeah, come on!

For Morana it is her position as the administrator. I love me some logistics. :P

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Admittedly I just have to go entirely with headcanon for Striga. But man, this woman loves to poke poor little Hector a lot. He squeals so funnily, when she does it.

For Morana it is still... like... How did she think, that the entire thing was going to work out. Yes, I know, Carmilla. Reality spell. Whatever. But, my lady, you are more intelligent than this!

Cinnamon Roll or Problematic Fave?

Cinnamon Rolls...? I mean, they are villains but... THEY ARE SO SWEET WITH EACH OTHER!

[fountainpenguin]

4, 6?

[Current Ask game]

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

That's not even a question, ha ha. It's "Sunk Too Deep." This is a Total Drama Island story about the end of the paintball deer hunt episode where Cody is sent home after being mauled by a bear. He's heavily bandaged and in a wheelchair. You see him roll off the edge of the dock and fall in the water, and the episode just fades to black as he and his wheelchair sink.

We know he doesn't drown, but it's never explained how he got out of that situation, and there's also a weird continuity error with him being able to speak in the confessional but not during the elimination ceremony, which I solved by having Heather deliberately gag him in this 'fic so he can't turn the others against her.

One of my favorite parts of this story is that in Season 3, Cody accuses Heather of only talking to him "six times ever" so in all the pre-Season 3 fanfics I wrote, I always had to make sure not to break that canon. When I wrote this story, I was cackling because in my mind I was like, "This only counts as one."

Back when I was writing for Total Drama, I only posted my 'fics on dA because I didn't have an FFN account yet. "Sunk Too Deep" did really well on dA and I later posted it to FFN, where it's also done well over the years. There are so many touching reviews on it, from people who say it's beautiful to people who say it's a total roller coaster to some who say it broke their heart and they cried to people who say they've read it a hundred times :')

"Sunk Too Deep" was something I threw together on a long car drive and I didn't put a lot of thought into it, and I didn't intend it to be emotional, so it's always wild to me that this piece I consider a random one-off side drabble has consistently wrecked emotions and received high praise from readers, ha ha.

To this day I still don't understand what about this story is resonating with people because I personally consider the emotions either heavy-handed or a swing and a miss, but lots of people seem to love it and that makes me happy. I'm glad that younger me chose to post it even though I thought it was just a scrappy little thing.

Maybe I'll put it on AO3 so people can find it there too.

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

"River Teeth." I don't think I've read it since I put it up 5 years ago, but I've never been a huge fan of it. I remember the idea here is that Ernesto has a pet dog whom he adores and the point of this story was to show how Ernesto treats his dog vs. Hector.

I was invited to join a little "angst off" collection where you were limited to 4k words or under. Coco was a nice movie, but I didn't have true passion for creating content for it, and limiting to 4k was very difficult for me, especially for my first 'fic with these characters when I'd never done any type of analysis for them before. I cut several scenes that I thought were fun and I turned it in to meet the 4k word requirements, but never felt good about doing that instead of telling the story I actually wanted to tell with more wordcount.

I personally don't consider it a good reflection of my writing abilities, passions, or style and honestly I've wanted to orphan / delete it dozens of times over the years; I just don't because I've never outright deleted a 'fic before and I'm not sure how I'll feel about doing so. I don't write Coco content other than this, so I don't love seeing it on my profile. Someday I might orphan it on AO3 and wipe it from FFN, but for now it stays /shrug

I do keep this in mind while writing other 'fics, though. First of all I'll be very cautious if I'm ever invited to join another collection with a word cap, and second of all when I write chapters that end up being 27k words on accident, I give them a very careful look to see if there ARE any reasonable places to break the chapter, but if there aren't then I keep it the way it is and I don't force myself to break it in a way I don't want it broken.

I'll publish at the length I'm happy with and everyone else can take breaks if they feel the need to, and I'm happier than I would be if I always forced myself to stick to my typical 12k word cap.

[Current Ask game]

[matrivers]

bcs i like answering funky little questions abt myself here ya go :)

Tori Spring

lighter, bcs once i tried to use matches to light a campfire at some camp thing i went to and i almost set my hair on fire so…yeah. lighter

no.

i’d like to believe in sea monsters. i think when i was really little i saw this thing that was like “sea monsters are actually just sea dinosaurs that escaped the extinction” and i want to believe that so bad.

i’ve grown up my whole life thinking they were brown but one time for an art class i had to get really high-res photos of them and they’re more hazel but then there’s like a small ring of blue around them?? it’s so cool my eyes are so cool.

idk, why do we do anything really?

scrunches because hair ties usually give me migraines and also scrunches are funky little guys.

one. if you asked me a few days ago the number would be much larger, but it’s just one atm.

cold. i don’t rly like coffee, but given the choice i usually go for iced.

no.

theater/drama club.

cold and boring. that’s just how the day is looking, but i’d like to be proven wrong.

like forty minutes ago.

y e s ! ! !

of a cat.

in theory.

farsighted, i believe? i only discovered this like a year ago too. i went to the optometrist and he was like “how have you been able to see your whole life? you’re like…blind?” apparently i’d stretched some focusing muscle really far and if i left it like that for another couple years i’d go completely blind in one eye, so my glasses are like THICK!

idk honestly, i just grab the bottles of shampoo and conditioner i recognize, and just don’t question it. i probably should know though lmfaoo.

yeah! can’t tell you it would be good though, i have like, really bad hand-eye coordination.

soda.

a stuffed dolphin that’s kind of falling apart, but it’s huge and i got it from one of those absolutely rigged carnival games at SeaWorld. i broke the game so bad that i ended up winning the “legendary” prize or whatever and my dad had to tell the guy running it to just give it to me because he changed the rules halfway through, so now i have my massive dolphin that i basically stole from SeaWorld when i was like seven.

i don’t know, i’d like to think i’m a pretty cool one tho.

it looks pretty, does not feel pretty

stargazing probably, while talking about dumb shit

i don’t really use any of the above except lotion when i have dry hands or whatever, but for a brief period of time, i used rose water as perfume and i smelled like an old lady. it was kind of nice lolol.

some of my friends and i meeting for the first time. that’s more a set of memories than a scenario, but i think about them a lot because it’s so interesting to me how i met some of the ones i’m most close with in such strange ways, and it’s really weird :)

about six hours.

yes.

burning.

no, i’m actually pretty good at keeping it that way too.

pop (i’m a basic bitch lmfaooo)

no.

depends on what’s considered an “adventure,” because the first thing i think of was the most recent show i was in :)

“Satisfied” from Hamilton, there are many songs that earn this title of being known to me by heart, but “Satisfied” I could get through with zero hesitation.

est

i think only once? i was cocodrawsig and now i’m cocodotexe to match my other urls on like YouTube n stuff even though this is the one i use the most lolol

yeah, my best friend in the whole world actually :). they’re one of the coolest people i’ve ever met, and we could not talk for months, and then they’ll call me and we’ll talk like we saw each other two hours ago.

i like citrus. my cat does not. this is a problem for both of us.

yes, usually when my lips are chapped or whatever, but otherwise, not really.

i’ll have some later, it’s still early.

lots of cream and sugar…i don’t like coffee that much but i need it to survive tech week so i’ve learned to tolerate it.

tiktok, i’m embarrassed by it, but i’ve somehow managed to curate my fyp so it’s all dumb jokes that i absolutely love and idk how.

i’m a white girl, it is not in my dna to tolerate it/hj. in all seriousness, i like spicy foods, but i have like, zero spice tolerance so i tend to not eat it as much. my friends like to meme on me about the one time i tried wasabi and immediately spit it up, and then they had me try ginger and i thought that was spicy too, but i think that was still wasabi aftertaste or smth.

no one, save it for the apocalypse or smth.

i slept in until 11, and then just kinda vibed for the rest of the day. i wrote a bunch too, i think. i might delete the whole chapter i wrote tho, because i was so sleep deprived from being awake for 12 hours already when i started writing it and i’m pretty sure it was just one extended joke that made no sense. will report back on wether i kept it or not.

Christmas Mail. watch it. it’s so bad it’s good.

“alr, feel better” to my friend who’s sick

tbh it scares me and it smells bad so i stay like twenty feet away at all times

no :(.

not really, bcs i don’t want crap i don’t want on my feed, sorry :(.

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[ayearwithoutwater]

Fifteen.

There was a time in my life when I thought I had hazel eyes.

This was back when I was just over a decade old. Intuitively, I knew that hazel as a color leans closer to the fragmented shades of pistachio, but I was a child who wanted to feel special, and I rationalized that the complexities of hazel, not merely green, allowed for the inclusion of brown. My eyes are firmly brown (not even remotely hazel), but there was a song, you see, that I loved, that made me feel seen, and I wanted to stake my claim on that song because it was mine. It was about me and nobody else.

I'm talking, of course, about "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson.

I spoke a little bit, in Six, about how music came into my life. I touched upon my tastes initially settling within the realm of pop and alternative rock, but I refrained from mentioning her by name because I wasn't yet ready to delve into this particular relationship of mine. Now, I think it's finally time to talk about Kelly Clarkson.

(thick_flair). "22 years ago they went searching for America's best singer and, amazingly enough, found it [on] the first try." 28 September 2024, 1:50 PM ET. Tweet.

The zeitgeist of American Idol's premiere season has since been discussed in great detail by plenty of people, so I seek only to describe what it felt like to a child witness.

I remember being surprised that my parents were watching TV, and an American reality show at that—though I didn't then possess the vernacular to describe my surprise as such, of course. We never used our TV except for KSCI's Chinese programming on channel 18, so it was fairly unusual for our household to be watching something so, well, American. I remember tuning in week after week to watch the pool of competitors winnow until, finally, only two were left: Kelly, and someone else.

I know the second finalist. His name is on the tip of my tongue, and I could Google it if I really wanted to. I know he starred in a campy musical film with her after the competition ended, and I know he went on to have a career on Broadway. I could name him—heck, I remember voting for him, for no reason other than I was a boy and he was the male finalist and boys stupidly stick together, right?—but that extra second of effort it would take to do so only illustrates the degree to which I actually cared about him. I didn't. It was always about Kelly.

Honestly, I was too young to be able to fully grasp the immensity of her talent. Years afterward, in high school, in college, and in my 20s, I would return over and over to YouTube videos of her weekly televised performances, chiefly her cover of "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" by the legendary Aretha Franklin, wherein Kelly chose to show off just a hint of her actual range. I would also return later, as a Mariah Carey superfan, to her take on Mariah's cover of "Without You" (originally by Badfinger) as well as her post-Idol rendition of "Love Takes Time" in 2003 (not 2022!) to marvel, over and over, at how America really did strike gold on the first attempt. No reality singing competition winner since has ever come close.

That fateful finale, America voted for her—even my mom voted for her—and she won. She starred in that musical film, put out her debut album, notched a couple of hit singles, and might have disappeared altogether had her follow-up not been an actual blockbuster of a smash album.

According to MySpace, one of my high school peers back then admitted her embarrassment at Breakaway being the first CD she ever bought. It was maybe the third or fifth CD that I ever purchased when I decided to properly begin my own collection of physical music (which still endures today).

The Breakaway singles—"Breakaway," "Since U Been Gone," "Because Of You," "Walk Away," and, of course, "Behind These Hazel Eyes"—were inescapably omnipresent. For a good two years, it felt like she had a hit record on power rotation at every Southern California radio station, regardless of genre, regardless of time of day. And, for an angsty pre-teen about to embark on his own prolonged journey of introspection and depression, her songs hit home.

Like so many others, I spent my early teens in a constant cycle of self-discovery. Between my own class, race, and sexuality, my conscious was in overdrive. With regard to music, then, my precocious self decided that he was only interested in sad boy alternative rock bands, but Kelly was acceptable because she wasn't like the other pop stars. She was cool. Her songs were pop, but they had killer percussions and guitars and felt viscerally raw. Her music was real.

The chorus of "Behind These Hazel Eyes" goes as such:

Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes

Despite almost never crying regardless of how empty I felt, despite having only kind-of-sort-of dated a girl for a month and therefore having basically zero romantic experience, despite not having hazel eyes, I related so hard to that song. It was one of the first songs I ever heard via LimeWire, it was one of the first songs I ever added to my very first iPod (mini), and it was one of the very first songs I ever had on constant repeat. I remember one instance at school where my iPod was confiscated from me because I was listening to it during our homeroom hours as we (they, because I never actually spoke the words) recited the Pledge of Allegiance. I didn't have any time to be or interest in being patriotic—I was busy listening to Kelly Clarkson.

Discovering her third album, My December, was another turning point for me. Breakaway proved she had angst; My December proved she had staying power. Every song off that third album felt as though it had been crafted, bespoke, for me. I was so angry—I didn't really know why—I just felt worthless and alone, as if nobody cared about me, as if my existence meant nothing, and her music somehow made my days more bearable as I counted down to the end of high school, when I could finally escape my suburban prison and be free to be me. (I'm lying, obviously, because I did know why I was so angry—my parents were beyond negligent—but I could do nothing but acknowledge that fact; I couldn't change my material reality until I graduated.) Kelly's music spoke directly to the lightless void within me, and I became such a fan that I even followed her WordPress. I didn't have a parasocial relationship with her (because that sort of obsessiveness is weird to me), but I really, really liked her music. To this day, My December is still one of my favorite albums of all time.

In 2014, I took a job at Sony Music for a year. I worked in marketing, setting up releases for new music across all of Sony Music's roster…which included Kelly. This was right after she'd released her first Christmas album, Wrapped In Red, from which the department had plenty of marketing materials (including a Kelly Clarkson cardboard standee; see: Four’s cover image) for me to take home, and just before her next proper album, Piece By Piece. One of my close friends tipped me off that Kelly would be in the office on one of my off days; to compensate for missing out on the chance to meet my favorite singer, I handwrote a letter for my friend to pass to her, in which I explained that I'd been a fan since I was a child, that I loved My December above all of her other works, and that I wanted her to release more Mariah Carey-esque songs. (I take credit for Meaning Of Life's "Medicine," which bears a striking resemblance to Mariah's "Emotions"—thank you, Jackster!)

But, my relationship with her would soon change, perhaps most of all due to a couple of my ex-boyfriends. I'll get into that next week.

[imaginativeamateur]

|Headcanons| Second Round ft. Indra Otsutsuki

Pairing: Indra Otsutsuki x fem!Reader

Note: This one is a request I received 2 months ago, sorry for being a sloth :'))) And please don't misunderstand the name :D this is SFW. It seems like y'all really like these pregnant headcanons (I just received another one for Gaara, will be jumping on the boat soon, or jumping into the Gaara black hole :DD) This is Indra's debut on my blog and honestly I can already tell I need to visit the dentist because this is just too sweet for my teeth to handle :DD By the way, Indra's eyebrows remind me of Jura's from Fairy Tail :DD Okay, I'm being weird, but Merry Early Christmas! Enjoy!

You didn’t know that you were bearing his child until you were six weeks pregnant. You couldn’t believe what the doctor said either, and it took you a good while before you were able to convey the words to your dear husband—Indra.

Indra and you weren’t expecting an addition to your small family, given that your toddler just turned three and Indra was on cloud nine when he could finally sleep in complete peace, away from your child’s midnight cries and wails. He ogled at the report and turned away from you, disappeared out of your house in a split second. You were burning with questions as to his abrupt departure, hurt even. But half an hour later, the man came back, dragging a brand new crib and several bags of diapers behind. You instantly felt guilty, pouting at your baseless assumptions, and he didn’t know why you remained sulking for the rest of the day.

That night, he was unable to sleep. Indra kept turning in your shared bed, looking at you, then at your still flat belly, and back at the ceiling. You quietly wondered what was racing in his mind, but no matter how much you bugged him to reveal his thoughts, he didn’t spill a word. In fact, he was just wracking his brain to figure the day that your unborn baby was conceived and was too embarrassed to admit his doings.

When your husband was trying to tell your three-year-old toddler that he would be having a baby sister in seven more months, Indra's expression was of the most serious ones you had ever witnessed in the entirety of your time together. It was illegally entertaining. And when your little boy’s eyes widened in amazement, Indra felt as if he defeated a whole army of evil spirits.

During your first trimester, when morning sickness was quite tiresome, you often found Indra drowning himself in cookbooks. All your meals were then replaced by his homecooked dishes, ranging from all sorts of cuisines he learned from his research to ensure quality nutrition. He would feel deeply insulted if you didn’t gain more weight every single day. Even seeing you getting a teeny tiny bit heavier brought heaven down to earth for him.

Since he wasn’t with you for the majority of your first pregnancy with your toddler, Indra was considered a newbie to this whole deal. He was clueless, but a very fast learner. He learned where you felt pain and soreness, when you needed to make a trip to the bathroom, when you craved the weirdest combinations of food he could ever think of—he learned everything utterly quickly. Swollen feet? Believe it or not, Indra sought out a legit therapist to learn more about this specific area of interest. Ramen in the middle of the night? He would always have everything prepared before your second call from the bedroom.

When your little baby girl started kicking, you shouted too loudly and startled Indra. He immediately dropped his ninjutsu creation task and fled to your side, not forgetting to scoop your toddler, who was trying to generate a small fireball nearby, with him. Indra’s jaw dropped when he literally felt something moving underneath his palms. Afterward, he chucklingly scolded your baby for kicking you too hard, warning her that she must use less force, otherwise, he would not read bedtime stories to her anymore.

Speaking of bedtime stories, Indra had them memorized by heart, which resulted from having to put your first child to bed for the past three years. If there was something worth noting of Indra's recent developments, it would be the fact that he could recall every single story without fail whenever and wherever he wanted. It was like he brought a legit library of children's books with him. And you found that overwhelmingly cute. You brought that up with him once—how good he was with those stories—and he swore he would never do it again if you kept on making fun of him. In the end, Indra still couldn’t resist the urge to whisper random things to your growing belly at night, and those stories just happened to slip past his lips very naturally, unintentionally.

One of his favorite things to do was to name your baby. Indra spent sleepless nights thinking of the perfect name for your baby girl—nights. Sometimes, you saw him pulling on his hair as he banged his head on the desk in his study. There were only two reasons behind that—he either got stuck on work, or he just hit a blank in generating your child’s name.

Indra bragged with everyone about your pregnancy glow, how pretty you looked—round with a child growing within you, with his child. The man enjoyed showing you off to everyone as an expecting wife, his expecting wife. Your three-year-old found his father’s acts very worthy of imitation and began boasting about your pregnancy and his expecting baby sister with his friends—like father, like son.

Indra was terrified when you went into labor, to say the least. He had been there once, but it never got less nerve-wracking for the poor man. He didn’t let go of your hand, assisting you in pushing and dabbing sweat off your forehead. This sight of him was extremely rare to see, making the labor nurses a bit perplexed. But Indra couldn’t care less. The moment he heard a loud cry from your newborn turned another page to his life—with the four of you.

-----------------

Taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu @darling-imobsessed @animepickle7 @simping-master-69 @tirzamisu @rinnegankakashi @the-tiniest-one @greenshirtimagines @adeards @chloe-secret @rory-cakes @byyalady @icedemon1314 @melovehiddlestan@sharingangirl

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

[golbrocklovely]

never needed // colby brock

A/N: so fun fact about this fic is that i came up with it last year back in november. it was around the time me and my ex best friend stopped being friends. i was really in such a rough headspace, and i think the concept shows it. i just finished writing it today and wow... i still feel this way to some extent, but not fully (thank god). also i literally cried while writing it today so there’s that. hope yall enjoy this one. i'm trying to post a bunch of fics since this coming week is my bday (the 14th). no guarantees, but i'm trying my best to put out at least six things. let me know what you think of this one. see yall later :)

prompt: colby has been ghosting you for a while, just when things were starting to get good between you two. after a week of ignoring you, he’s finally ready to talk. || fem!reader x colby brock

trigger warning: angst, cursing, heartache, crying, honestly this one is really sad so sorry about that, happy ending tho

word count: 2331

~~~~~~~

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I groaned to myself, staring at my phone.

Colby was still ignoring me, something I had grown accustomed to this week. He had ghosted my calls and my texts. He turned his read notifications off too, so I had no clue whether or not he had even seen my messages at all.

Everything had been going great between us. We had met a couple years back and hit it off as friends right away. I always thought he was attractive, and our friendship was always really flirty; so much so that fans thought we were together. And then finally, something clicked a couple months back. I wasn't sure if it was the accidental drunken kiss we shared, or just a built up of feelings, but we finally decided that maybe we should test out an actual relationship.

We promised each other we would take it slow, both of us still heartbroken from our previous relationships and our general trust issues. But these past two months, we went into overdrive, actually taking the time to feel each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And for the first time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy.

A week ago, we had even gone on a cute little date, something we had started doing regularly. We were in the middle of our conversation; I remember I laughed hard at something he said. It was loud enough that some of the patrons in the restaurant stared at us. And when he tried to shush me jokingly, a silence had fallen over us.

His face dropped suddenly, he became super serious and quiet, and then he asked if we could go home.

He told me the next day that he thought he got food poisoning and it just hit him in the restaurant. I didn't think anything of it and was fine with going home early.

But now, I wonder if he was lying.

I looked back down at my phone, reading over my messages from the past week to him.

Was I taking this too far? He could have just been busy. I don't wanna come across as clingy.

"Ugh, fuck that." I muttered out loud to myself, rolling out of my bed to get a drink.

I didn't care if I came across as clingy. I had a right to know why he was ignoring me. If it was work related, he would have told me. He had done that in the past before.

This was different, I just knew it.

Tomorrow, I planned to go over and see him. I would have done it tonight, but I knew he wasn't home. He was out with some friends at Saddle Ranch. Like a fan, I had to watch his stories on Insta, since that was the only way I knew where he was.

"Don't expect too much from him." Sam said.

I shook my head at that memory. When we got together, everyone was happy for us. But I could feel a certain tension in the room, a certain caveat that wasn't being mentioned. Later that night, Sam and I were by ourselves, and he asked me if Colby and I had really made our relationship official. I told him we hadn't gone all the way, but that we were taking it one step at a time.

"I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wonder..." His voice trailed off.

I cocked my head. "Wonder what?"

"Look, I love you both, but I don't know if Colby is really ready for a relationship. There's a lot of things he still needs to work through." He stated.

"We're not that serious." I laughed.

"Yeah, yet. If you plan to be, I just don't want you to get your heart broken because he wasn't ready." Sam admitted.

I patted his shoulder lightly, smiling. "Relax, Samuel. Everything will be fine."

"Alright. Just... don't expect too much from him, okay?" He mentioned, his eyes narrowing on mine.

That had been two months ago and... I think I should have heeded his warning.

A loud knock at my front door brought me out of my thoughts, scaring me. I grabbed a knife from my kitchen, striding over to the door. I glance through the peephole to see who was there.

Colby's face stared back.

"Y/N, it's me. Can you open the door?" He called.

I scowled at him through the peephole. "Sorry she's not home right now. Maybe you should try responding to her texts.”

“Look I'm sorry, but that's why I came over. I wanted to talk in person.” He replied.

“Damn, that’s a shame. Too bad she’s not home!” I exclaimed angrily.

“C’mon now, don’t be childish.” He remarked.

I swung the door open, holding back from yelling into my hallway. “Childish?!”

He smirked at me. “I knew that would get you to open the door.”

“You’re not funny.” I deadpanned, glaring at him.

“Can you please let me in? I seriously want to talk.” Colby responded, his eyes landing on mine.

“No, Colby. It’s one o’clock in the morning, I don’t feel like talking, and you’re drunk.” I jeered, resting my hands on my hips.

He scrunched up his face dramatically. “No, I’m not. I only had like two drinks.”

“Oh my mistake. I figured a person that randomly comes over to talk at the ass-crack of night is usually drunk,” I quipped. “Don’t you have better things to do, like be at Saddle Ranch?”

He stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know I was at Saddle Ranch?”

I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Because… I watched your stories.”

“Nice to know you pay attention to me,” he uttered under his breath. “Please let me in.”

“No. Fuck off, Colby.” I hissed.

He rolled his eyes at my comment. “If you don’t let me in, I’m just gonna make noise out here in the hallway until you do.”

“Bet.” I huffed.

“What was your favorite movie again… ‘10 Things I Hate About You’?” He questioned, stepping back further into the hallway.

I blinked. “Yeah, so what?”

He looked up at me, giving me a devilish smile. “…You’re just too good to be true.”

My face dropped at his voice. “Colby.”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” He sang, pointing at me.

“Are you really-” I started.

He cut me off, running his hands down his body. “You’d be like heaven to touch.”

I hushed. “Seriously stop-”

“I wanna hold you so much.” He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.

I grunted, smacking my hand towards him. “Colby, it’s one in the morn-”

“At long last, love has arrived.” He opened his arms wide.

“Shut the fuck up!” I whisper-shouted.

“And I thank God I'm alive.” Colby praised up towards the ceiling.

I retorted. “You’re fucking embarrass-”

He spun in a circle slowly. “You're just too good to be true.”

“I knew giving you the code to my apartment was a bad idea.” I grumbled.

“Can't take my eyes off of you.” He winked, pointing at me again.

Colby took a big inhale, ready to start singing the music, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my apartment.

I slammed my door shut, locking it quickly. “Next time you do something like that, I’m gonna kill you.”

“That’s not very- why do you have a knife?” He motioned toward the knife sitting on my side table.

“What-? Oh, I thought you were an intruder.” I explained.

He lightly smiled, his dimples appearing. “You think an intruder would knock?”

I snapped, annoyed. “Aren’t you here to apologize?”

“Right, right,” he cleared his throat, his demeanor changing. “Y/N, I’m deeply sorry.”

“Sure.” I narrowed my eyes, walking towards my kitchen.

He followed me. “I know what I did was fucked up. I should have responded to you.”

“You completely ignored me for over a week.” I informed him, resting my back against the counter.

He nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “…were you busy?”

“No, not really.” He divulged, dropping his head.

“So, you purposefully ignored my calls and text…” I could feel my hands shake against my arms.

“You make it sound bad-” He mumbled.

“It is that bad.” I emphasized, stopping him. “Colby, you wanna talk about being childish? That shit was childish.”

He agreed. “I know it was.”

“Obviously not since you keep joking about it.” I argued.

“I’m not trying to joke,” he protested, running his hands through his hair. “Do you wanna know the honest to God truth?”

“Of course I do.” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.

He exhaled, glancing at me. “When we first got together, even though we were taking it slow, I was terrified to date you.”

“Terrified?” I puzzled.

He swallowed hard. “Yes. Scared shitless.”

“Why?” I questioned.

“I thought it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But then… at dinner,” his voice lowered, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it was more than that.”

I shook my head, confused. “What are you ta-”

“I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” He confessed.

His words made me step back, my breath hitching in my throat.

I choked. “What?”

“When you laughed really hard, and did that cute snort thing you do, I remember we looked at each other… and all I saw was you,” his eyes bore into mine, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. “No one else in that restaurant existed. And in that moment, I wanted to tell you I love you.”

I stammered out words, unable to think clearly. “S-so… you-”

“When I felt it, I knew I had to go home. Because I was just so shocked at the feeling. I haven’t felt that way for anyone in a long time.” He sighed exhaustingly, “and… I apologize that I ignored you. Every time I saw your messages, I knew I should have responded. But my body, my mind, wouldn’t let me.”

I frowned. “Because you love me?”

“Because… I’m scared to love you.” He admitted.

A heavy silence fell over the apartment. I shuddered out an exhale, not even noticing I had been holding my breath in for so long. Colby closed his eyes, twisting up his face, and turned his back to me.

“Why are you scared to love me?” I gulped, scared of his answer.

His shoulders tensed as he gripped the counter. “The last time you felt heartbroken… did it leave you feeling empty? Because that’s how I felt… for so long. It’s not even the empty feeling that bothered me. It was the fact that I knew something used to be there… and now it’s gone. I miss who I was before.”

I opened my mouth, but no words escaped.

“I have this deep, guttural feeling that you’re gonna realize I’m not worth loving, and that there is someone else out there that is, and you’re gonna leave me.” His voice trembled as he spoke, “everyone… always leaves me.”

I gasped quietly. “Colby-”

He turned back to me, his face becoming red. “I just feel like no one ever needs me, you know? Like some people only keep me around because they don’t have the heart to just tell me they don’t care anymore. Even Sam has someone else.

I consoled. “That’s not-”

“And I know it’s selfish to want everyone around me to only want me. I don’t really feel that way. I just… don’t feel like anyone really needs me as much as I need them,” his chest quaked as his breathing began to speed up. “And when you realize it too… I don’t think I can live through that fall out again. I don’t think I’m gonna survive it.”

“Wait, Col-” I murmured.

“At that dinner, I had this gut-wrenching anxiety come over me; a voice in my head that said ‘she’s gonna leave you too’ and… I’m just so sorry.” He panted, his eyes welling up.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing his body into mine as hard as I could. He buried his face into my neck, his body almost going limp against mine.

I couldn’t help my own tears spill as they landed on his shirt. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way before?”

“I was ashamed. I should be stronger than this.” He fumed through his tears.

I rubbed his face lovingly. “Who said that? You are strong. Expressing your emotions is strong.”

He nodded, croaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course. How about tonight you stay over, and then in the morning, we’ll talk about this more? Okay?” I suggested, resting my hands on his forearms.

“Yeah.” He whimpered.

I smiled brokenly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I lightly grasped Colby’s hand, pulling him slowly into my bedroom. He stumbled along, his head remaining down.

I sat him down on the bed and slid off his jacket, placing it on my dresser. I cupped his face, tracing his jaw with my fingers. His eyes finally landed on mine as I tilted his head up.

I leaned down and kissed his lips, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m not gonna leave you, Colby.” I stated, gazing into his eyes.

He begged in a hushed tone. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I promise.” I reassured, kissing his forehead.

I walked over to the other side of my bed and laid down. Colby kicked off his shoes, taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down. After getting undressed, he slid into bed with me, laying his head down softly on my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his head into my neck again, sighing against my skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, a light hum falling from his lips. I ran my other hand up and down his spine, feeling him shiver under my touch.

“We’ll be okay, Colby.” I whispered.