#so much sadder
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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation
So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?
We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive
It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.
(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)
Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.
Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.
You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.
This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.
It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.
Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.
By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.
It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?
Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?
Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.
Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.
It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.
So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.
Becomes worse.
#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up#so much sadder#I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere#it might not see the light of day so I'll just say:#imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew#bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her#then her beloved is already dead#the coffin of andy and leyley#tcoaal#ashley graves#coffincest#character analysis#txt post#this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact#to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶
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why did he do that to me? part 2 of this :3
#transformers one#transformers#bumblebee#b 127#elita one#megatron#i mean um at least shes hugging him now#yayyyy!#dee and bee being friends in this iteration makes it so much sadder#"why did you do this to me#tfone bee specifcally losing his voice feels so much more devastating 😭#they gave him such a sad backstory for comedic effect but its just sad
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Simon petrikov coping FAIL compilation
#HNNNGGGNNN!! SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT EPISODE 2……#my art#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#Fionna and cake spoilers#<- kind of??? maybe not really#I’m so glad ep 2 gave us some insight to that scene in obsidian#it’s such a shift from Simon saying he’d literally rather DIE than be the ice king again#BUT IT MAKES SENSE!#nostalgia can twist your perception of the past#and then mix that in with a metric ton of trauma !#‘things were simpler back then’#SIMON 99.5% OF YOUR LIFE AS ICE KING WAS AWFUL….#I mean in the later seasons he does gradually gain acceptance and fit in with the others#but that just makes the CURRENT simons situation so much sadder it’s like he’s back at square 1 in some ways#WILL THE ISOLATION EVER END?#OK IM DONE RANTING IN THE TAGS
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wearing thin
#dgs#dai gyakuten saiban#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#tgaa#susato mikotoba#tgaa spoliers#Kind of. it's very vague and very much a iykyk type of thing#fanart#so anyway to put it brief this piece is abt susato shouldering the emotional/any labor from the most important men in her life! yayyyy#ily susato. she shouldve gotten to throw all three of those fucklechucks#shu takumi me when i get youuuuu for shafting womennnnn#though granted susato isnt the Worst case but her situation is made sadder by the rest of the game(s) being pretty excellent. ohhh if only#anyway x2 theres details in the piece. happy w how it came out. hope you enjoy#also was listening to xion's themes while inking this. Coincidence? I don't think so.
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only you.
my turn with soul touch jayvik :)
#jayvik#arcane#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayce x viktor#viktor lol#jayce lol#EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR THE WORLDS SLOWEST DRAWER#if i could focus and wasnt league of legendspilled right now this wouldve been done in a day#but i havent painted in so long and im dead after work#ive been sketching them so much and finishing nothing. but theyve been ALL ive been thinking about#had 2 get this one out at least now i can move on to sillier things#or sadder things!!!#itseart#it was just nice to paint sometihng again tho. tbh#used as few layers for this as possible for them kept it simple like yeaahahh yeahh we're so back
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“He knows Timmy will come around eventually. It's only a matter of waiting for his clock to run out. And HP is very patient.” Hey uh.. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN HIS CLOCK TO RUN OUT is he waiting for Timmy to become a full fairy (Pixie?) and when that happens Timmy forgets about being a human entirely?
Sometimes Timmy wonders why he has grudges against certain fairies. Some of them, he can understand- like his dislike of Dr. Rip Studwell. But other ones, like with Cupid, it's a bit of a blur.
He must've been a very very vindictive 10 year old! Ah, well! Timmy's learned that he has to pick and choose his own battles wisely.
And uh. Fighting with the man who decides his paycheck and vacation days is not a battle worth choosing. Talk about a hostile work environment!!
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#fop sanderson#sanderson#asks#itty bitties fop au#ough i had a massive fight with timmy's finger in the 3rd panel#it is 430 in the morning and i pushed thru to get this one out so that the story didnt end on a sadder note#so i will wake up tomorrow and figure out whatever errors and mistakes ive made in the morning#sanderson asks timmy bcs as far as sanderson is concerned#timmy really.. shouldnt?? have any grudges against them#yeah yeah they tried taking over fairy world yeah yeah tried taking timmy's fairies#but that was just business babeyyy#and timmy involved HIMSELF into their schemes!!! which is. yknow. not their problem.#(he involved himself with very very good reason of course. they literally tried taking over earth and fairyworld)#but they're pixies and they dont understand the righteous fury of a 10 year old boy full of human compassion#funnily enough. as more time passes even timmy's struggling to understand the righteous fury of a 10 year old full of human compassion#hazel wells is VERY confusing for timmy turner#he doesnt really get it#nearly as much as sanderson doesnt really get timmy's grudges against HP!
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we were put, two little boys from reading and rawtenstall, and then we met via the internet and created this thing called dan and phil
#i’m super proud of this BUT nervous to post it as it ended up so much sadder than intended#it’s supposed to have a more nostalgic feel to it but i didn’t really hit that so i feel like it could be misinterpreted#anyways#back to scheduled sillyposting#dnp#<jenedits>#dan and phil#dan howell#phil lester#dan and phil games#dapg#amazingphil#danisnotonfire#phan
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-took a pottery class
-wanted a backflow incense stand
-fixated on In Stars And Time
so i made this guy and im very proud of him look at my boy ❤❤❤❤
#isat#in stars and time#king isat#ceramics#backflow incense burner#isat the king#fun fact this is the second one i made#the first i dipped in too much glaze and his holes plugged up so he just sits on my desk looking even sadder#sometimes kass makes things
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Ted Lasso, the character, is one of the only representations of 'sometimes getting better with your mental health issues means that you are less visibly happy, and that is okay, because you are not required to be happy in order to be loved' out there and I am really discouraged that so much of the audience is angry at that.
#ted lasso#the guy we meet in season one is so so so much sadder and is suffering so much more#than the guy we say goodbye to in season three#but the guy in season three doesn't crack as many jokes and doesn't grin and laugh at every opportunity#I really didn't expect the fandom to interpret that as 'he's even worse off than before!'#when the fact is that when you're able to have an inherent sense of self-worth rather than relying on Doing Everything Right#that you become less manic about making sure everyone likes you all the time#which is what ted did for the first two seasons#I dunno I just wish there was more room for this kind of character#and... for this kind of person#believe mothereffers#theodore lasso
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A Series of Unfortunate Events liberated me as a child in the way that it shows how utterly incompetent adults can be about children, like none of them care to understand how these children are feeling because they don’t see them as real living human beings, because they’re just kids! They don’t know any better!
#God it irritated me whilst watching the show at times on how literally no one could manage to keep these kids safe but obviously that’s the#entire point lmfao- this shit isn’t happy 😭#Count Olaf when I catch you when I-#a series of unfortunate events#asoue#I don’t remember much in that show besides that I wished it had a sadder ending HELP?? I forgot the ending now….#Now I’m reading the books and I think people said the ending was worst then the tv show so maybe I’ll get what I wanted ☠️#I also forgot what was in the sugar bowl…. That’ll be fun to discover again
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My advice for anyone who wants to keep this site enjoyable is don’t use it for more than 20 mins a day anything past that can be outsourced to texting or discord and don’t check your follower count because it doesn’t matter. Don’t let this site transform from being a cool place to make friends and find and spread useful resources and information and art into The Drama Machine where you hit post limit daily obsessing over people who don’t even think about you
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I'll honestly still be mourning the ROUND 6 that we could have had. The first sketches where Ivan and Till are hugging... Ivan with his arm around Till's shoulders.... The friendly teasing...
I fully understand why they had to change it, but it's still sad to think about all that we missed out on.
#alnst#alien stage#alien stage round 6#ivantill#it rips me apart to think about the fact that they changed the draft because ivantill overlapped too much with mizisua.#they seemed too “mutual”#their relationship seemed closer and more fond in those sketches....#but ultimately thats not what the team intended. they wanted each of their relationships to be different#and ivantill was apparently supposed to be “obssessive” and “possessive” (CRAZY ADJECTIVES BTW.)#the thing they wanted to emphasize about ivantill was that it was one-sided. (tearing my hair out)#what if i ARRRRGGHHHHHHH#i always thought the round 6 we got seemed so different from what i was imagining#and knowing how much they changed it. it makes sense#the patreon posts painted a very different picture for me at the time. the sketches in particular gave me hope hahaha#many things ended up different#im still grateful for the teams work#what we got was sadder and more tragic but if its closer to what they envisioned then im glad
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trying to get better at capturing likenesses so heres a quick(ish) alicent portrait study :3
#hotd#alicent hightower#my art#i think I did pretty ok I like it ^_^#now the issue is stylizing/translating into my style tho. esp without rendering. need 2 figure out how to do that#also its so much more fun to do portrait studies when its a blorbo from your show instead of some pinterest rando. who wouldve thought#quick=a couple hours lol. look its quick TO ME#i feel like I made her look sadder compared to the ref oops
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valgrace except it’s a modern setting, they separated because leo needed to leave and return home. they hadn’t seen each other since then for a long time, they barely spoke too because life sometimes got in the way, they were too busy. there were phone calls here and there, maybe even an email but nothing exceeded past a day to mark as a routine.
then leo came back. his first thought was wondering where jason was but he was only met with saddened stares.
it was then, that night, leo realized there was a voicemail left in his inbox. he listened to it, pressed the phone to his ear and he cried because all he heard was jason’s voice, the soft and breathy quality like the very clouds gifted him the ability to speak, the rasp that felt like the very lightning that struck in a storm.
leo would listen to that voicemail for days. weeks. he’d call the number and leave voicemails until the number was disconnected and he could no longer remember how jason sounded like.
and it’s ironic at the same time. because leo didn’t remember how he looked either. isn’t the last sense that goes while you’re dying your sense of hearing? a part of leo’s soul died along with jason.
#valgrace#leo valdez#jason grace#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#fic#my writing#i’ve been#busy unfortunately with studying and whatnot#and hurricanes#love hurricane season it’s fantastic#had this thought while eating actually#it’s vague on purpose don’t ask me for details#but i was like wow wouldn’t the whole leo-jason thing be so much sadder in a modern setting with no powers#like no outside forces#just life getting in the way of things and separating people like usual
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I found out there was an official Shanhai 9000 prequal comic and like.. yeah Shanhai 9000 is a girl dad
#nine sols#nine sols shanhai 9000#nine sols fanart#their so cute it makes their ending so much sadder :(((#me when the robot is forced to take care of a small child: OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#thesunnysunsunart
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teen wolf au: derek stays deaged (and competes with liam for scott's #1 beta 4everrrr)
#twedit#derek hale#derekhaleedit#teen wolf au#twau#coloring this was so ass. btw.#anyway sorryyyyyy tyler hoechlin but this is so much funnier to me#and also sadder. obviously. on account of. derek is kind of dead. like the adult who grew into is gone forever#and he's a stranger to everyone he knows and everyone he knows is a stranger to him#like. that blows for sure#but also isnt it kind of reallyyyyyyyyy silly#i was working w the footage i had so i didnt get a lot of hijinks#but rest assured. derek is sooooooo jealous of liam.#hes literally scotts number one beta forever!! who even is that guy!!!!#anyway for my tags#deaged derek au#works for a tag#u might be asking. why is a sophomore taking the psats with juniors (ignore that sophomore yr is the real psat year)#to which i would say. he followed scott there. obviously.#theres assassins. hes scotts number one beta forever.
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