#so mad at myself for all the details i forgot.........

[lovely-english-rose]

Kamuzero Week Day 7 - Free

i hope yall dont mind me being a little lazy and sharing my concept/reference drawings for au day ;w;

[cursedextrovert]

People comparing CaitVi dynamic season 1 and 2, are we watching two different shows or y'all just forgot what happened in the middle. There was literally a war going on, Cait's mom fucking died like are they just gonna be lovey dovey with all these politics going on? And then one moment they leave everything to just be with each other in that jail cell you are also mad like wdyw?

Also people who say their sex scene is not necessary and/or a bad representation.

Firstly, JayceMel also got a sex scene in season 1 so its not like they invented sex just for these two lesbians.

Secondly, they didnt just fuck. Vi was beating herself up thinking she made the wrong decision and fucking things up like always and Cait told her that she actually let the guards go so Vi can do that exact thing she wanted. Ultimately saying a) she trusted Vi when she said Jinx has changed and wanted Vi to let the girl out b) she wanted Vi to be happy more than she wanted revenge even tho just some months ago she was the opposite.

Thirdly, we see the detail, Cait hesitates when she sees the bandage where she used to hit Vi. We see Cait taking off her clothes and showing her all, being vulnerable because Vi deserves that much from her.

Fuck. I get it, ok? This is a rare time we got a wlw relationship where both are main characters, and in a big show like this so you want it to be perfect and deprive of all flaws. But wouldnt you rather have two well-written characters where they relationship is tangled with the core of who they are than just a wlw couple with no conflict, no personal development no nothing? Hows that a good representation? Their relationship doesnt solve the conflict between them and their politics but is the reason why they were intertwined in the first place.

And dont come at me about systematic problems as well like Im a poc myself living in a white country and a sociology graduate. I understand Caitlyn did terrible things and is a war criminal herself with how she stands aside letting Ambessa did the thing she did and for gasing Zaun just to seek revenge. But she, just like everyone is a product of her sociocultural surroundings, shes a human affected by their beliefs and emotions. Isnt that the point of the show?

I dont think she got her happy ending just because she lives, I think being alive is her purnishment. She has her whole life to make up for what she did and I believe she will. What other fate you think she deserves? Her death will not undo her crimes, so is prison, they will also prevent her from actually fixing what she caused and ultimately using her priviledge for good(which shes doing, you can read my post about it). And Im not about to start the whole ethic debate on prison. How does one define a purnishment worthy? How do one define what a person deserves?

Finally, you know who else was a war criminal and walked away with what he wanted? Singed. Reality is like that, not black and white. People dont get what we think they deserve, ever.

[writing-hat]

shattering

/!\ Spoilers for Dragons Rising S2P2!

(very original title) hiii i'm still not dead <3 sorry i'm not active but y'know. life.

here's a jay fic!! about him experiencing shatterspin for the very first time but this is actually more me trying to make the wolf masks kinda gory and made out of flesh it's. it's an experiment. as well as like. physical effects

i'm just having fun and trying out some things (ig it's not really a fic then but idk adfkjsegd)

/!\ TW : Blood, Gore, Wounds, Death (tell me if I forgot something)

Also not beta read and I don't read that well behind myself yaddi yadda y'know the drill (especially since this is more of a bunch of scraps assembled together and not a real fic akfjzsgv (I might cross post it on AO3 at some point we'll see))

This is around 6.8k words so it's half a short? anyway enjoy

Jay narrowed his eyes at the mask he held.

It seemed to be looking back at him. And to be frank, he wasn’t a fan of how it looked back.

A shiver crawled down his spine as he passed his fingers on the front. It was meant to be a mask, but the fact that there was hair there, even if short, was somewhat disturbing to realize. He didn’t know how to feel about the idea that these could be made of real fur. Or worse, that they were somewhat organic, and used to be alive.

He checked the eyes; they seemed colorless, and dull, when inactivated. Glassy.

Dead.

That last realization brought relief. Yeah, it was dead.

Whatever it was.

He knew he was supposed to put that shit on at some point, but… it didn’t seem like a great idea, in hindsight. At least that’s what his guts were telling him.

His mind was on a whole other setting. He trusted Ras, after all. Why shouldn’t he? He had saved him, from the insanity that the Administration had been.

Thank goodness this is over. He was grateful to the man, and had taken the time to hear his interests, and plans. Things Jay wasn’t bothered by, too big to be of a concern to him. But since they were important to his savior, well, who was he to refuse helping him?

He passed a hand on the fur again, before turning it around to see the inside. He winced.

It had been… somewhat ‘polished’, but one could not look away from the flesh that had probably been ripped apart from some unfortunate creature, the whole mask made of stitches between different kinds of skin. But he didn’t dare to touch it to confirm his fears. Had it been the same specie, every time? He did wonder if asking himself that wasn’t the most unimportant question of all.

Living beings had to die, for these masks to be made.

Jay hated how his brain was sure of it.

That, and there was some… sort of taint, at the bottom of it. Where the mouth was supposed to be.

It wasn’t on all the masks, but enough of them had it to pique Jay’s curiosity.

He hadn’t talked about it to Lord Ras yet, of course. He doubted others had noticed what these visages were made of. He wasn’t even sure how he had noticed the details in the first place.

Perhaps due to his weird anxious nature about everything that’s been happening since starting his life in the Administration. His only life, actually, since he couldn’t remember shit from before.

The medallion felt heavy in his pocket. Its sudden presence making itself known made him frown.

This piece of metal was all that was left to him. He wasn’t even sure how the ones that had found him in the Land of Madness hadn’t taken that away from him, just like all his previous belongings.

He placed the mask back in its place, giving it a final glare, before walking away.

He looked at himself, unsure of what to think of his clothes.

They were comfy, that was for sure. Much better then the suit he’d been forced to wear for years in this damned Administration. And looking much better. He did enjoy the patterns that had been added to go along his powers. Symbols of wolf could be seen as well, on his chest, making sure people would know which clan he belonged to- in case the mask wouldn’t be enough.

But the fur covering his neck, and the gloves… he didn’t like as much. They hid away scars, important parts of himself.

Then again, he still had the ones on his face, definitely due to his own powers when it came to the lightning paths, and probably from fights where there were cuts, and skin that had been torn.

He wasn’t a fan of keeping them away.

But, having his body completely protected when it was clear he was going to fight in the future wasn’t that bad of an idea. Are we going to fight now? Jay doubted it. A lot of the new recruits had probably no idea of what they were getting into. Had probably been enrolled with the idea that they were going to become better fighters, with something close to powers. Lots of people didn’t listen fully when about to drastically change their lives, he had seen it many times in the Administration.

With a heavy sigh, he passed a hand on his face. To be honest, Jay hadn’t thought that long about this idea of joining Lord Ras’s forces as well.

But I owe him. He was there when no one had tried to help. It was all that mattered.

Jay could hear people getting closer. He turned around, seeing Cinder and Ras coming towards him.

The latter still had the same expression as always, severe, and mildly pissed off at people for breathing in front of him. The master of smoke, on the other hand, often had a smug expression there, knowing he was above everyone else, and enjoying it way too much. Not too far from them, he could see Jordana, the sort of witch- he didn’t completely understand what her deal was- who looked away as soon as she saw Jay noticing her.

He didn’t get to focus on that, though, when Ras made sure to be the only thing in his vision.

“I take it you’re ready for today.”

No. Not at all. But this wasn’t what their Lord wanted to hear. “Yes.” He took a deep breath, doing his best to resist the need to fidget with the fur around his collar.

“A first test, to make sure everything will go smoothly for the first battle.” Cinder chuckled at Jay’s expression, before handing him the wolf mask. “You’re lucky to try it before the real deal, Jay.”

He glared at Cinder. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Though, with how the master of smoke was looking at him, mocking, he wouldn’t call any of this luck.

Inhaling sharply, he tried to not let himself show how nervous he felt. He hadn’t expected to wear it so soon. He grabbed the mask that was given to him, nauseous at how he was about to wear unknown skin on his own.

He tried to compare it to leather, but fuck that had nothing in common. He passed trembling fingers on the inside, wanting to confirm his fears.

…Yup. Organic tissues. It was repulsing.

Cinder quirked an eyebrow. “Are you hesitant now?”

There was a threatening growl coming from Ras that echoed with the other’s words. Jay closed his eyes, and shook his head. At least… there weren’t any smell to go with the thing. “No. Not at all.”

“Good.” Ras crossed his arms behind his back, walking towards the arena. “Then get ready. You will be tested along our new soldiers.”

Soldiers. Why did he hate that designation? Wasn’t he supposed to be more, with his elemental power?

He adverted his gaze, focusing it back on the inside of this mask. “Sure.”

It was the first time he entered the shadow dojo. The outside had been eerie, with nothing but the strange orange and red light on their paths, but the inside was a whole other deal.

It was… poorly lighted, somehow, despite the bright lights coming from outside, with candles offering a soft blue glow all around them. He wasn’t sure how the flames managed to stay in that hue, but couldn’t really focus on that when he was trying to avoid all the others that entered with him. Some were chatting, apparently already knowing each other.

Jay didn’t want to know anyone in here. He didn’t see the point.

There were runes everywhere as well. He had no idea of what they meant, but they were glistening too, in that same color as the candles. Plants had grown as well on the wall, somehow.

He sat on the ground, unbothered to stay up like the others. From here, he could see that the only one on the ground like him was someone with a large hat, covering most of his face. His eyes were revealed briefly when he raised his head to watch who had come here for the first trial, allowing Jay to recognize him.

He was the guy he had seen many times speak with Ras. Although speak was a light statement; more so yelling and arguing, with the latter always having the last word, letting the other clearly frustrated.

Nokt. That was his name. He remembered him due to the electrical device placed on the back of his head. Even if he wasn’t sure he had heard his name right earlier, since it seemed like he preferred to keep to himself, as proved when he lowered his hat down again, effectively shielding his expression away from everyone else.

But there was something Jay managed to see before he did.

A spark of amusement, of all things, akin to one about to watch some sort of entertainment unfold.

…Jay didn’t think he was going to like that guy.

His attention shifted back to their leader, when he hit the ground with his hammer. He gave a speech, one Jay half-listened to, about being ready to change their lives for this better form of power, and so on and so on. Monologues are always so tiring.

…Where had he heard boring monologues like these before?

A glimpse of- something, from before, barely there, that escaped him as soon as he tried to look for it, smothered away by another hit of Lord Ras’s hammer against the ground, and someone getting on their feet and walking to the center of the room. Jay thanked his luck helping out for once, since he definitely wouldn’t have heard his name if he had been first.

Watching the guy, he gave way to his urge, and started to play with the fur around his neck to keep himself calm. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like his anxiety was eating him alive, starting with his insides, and pulling on his guts and get him to run away from there as fast as he could.

He gnawed on his lip. He couldn’t make himself worry about nothing. This was just… apprehension, that came with every test he had to take.

Except if he failed this one, he might’ve to be forced back into the Administration. Damn it.

Deciding on ignoring the painful cramps his overreacting unconscious gave him, he focused back on the scene before him, observing the one that had been called.

The guy nodded his head to Lord Ras, and placed the mask on his face. Jay winced, clutching his other hand around the one he was holding; he really didn’t want to know how centuries old flesh would feel on his face. But he supposed he had no choice.

Holding his breath as Ras approached the gong, he tried to think of the power that wearing this mask would mean for him. He knew there was something about a forbidden technique of some sort, the Shatterspin, which he’d been taught the basics, but what about his powers? What would be the effects?

He’d seen Cinder. He’d seen how much quicker and agile he became whenever the mask would fuse with him, and gift him an armor instead of staying as a mask. The red eyes, he wasn’t that fan of, but if it meant finding who he was supposed to be, by feeling his powers better then ever before…

The scar under his left eye throbbed, forcing him to rub it. Not that he didn’t feel his power now, but he didn’t quite think he had a good grasp on it. He managed a few zaps here and there, and sparks to help him when it was completely dark, but other then that, not much else.

There is potential within you, Jay Walker. These had been Lord Ras’s words.

And he couldn’t wait to unleash that potential.

The gong was hit a first time.

Jay jumped out of his skin when the one put on trial shrieked in pain. Someone beside him gasped, letting him know that he definitely wasn’t the only one to be surprised.

He walked back, holding his face in pain and doubling over as the mask’s glowed that bright cyan. Not letting him the time to rest, or even wonder what was happening to him, the gong was hit a second time with a sound that echoed all around them. It was enough to make the room shake, and dust fall from the unexpectedly stable walls of this place. All the blue lights turned red.

The guy screamed again. Jay watched as he tried to remove the mask, pulling on his hair when trying to remove the strap that kept it in place. But it didn’t budge, despite his knuckles turning white from the force he was using for this one thing.

Jay felt sick, witnessing all this. Glancing around, he noticed how disappointed Lord Ras looked, and the way Cinder let his disgust appear.

…Shit.

His attention shifted back to the man in the center when he heard him puke. From here, he couldn’t really see what came out, and couldn’t help his flinch when the sound of retching reached his ears.

Chocking sounds could then be heard. It surely didn’t help when he threw his head back, gasping for air, too far gone to realize that he was making things worse.

Jay couldn’t look away from him. Doing so… doing so would mean he wasn’t cut for this role. It would mean showing weakness, and not being worthy of the chance offered to him.

Doing so would mean abandoning the man to his fate, a far side of his brain whispered. Jay took a deep breath, brushing that thought aside, just like he always had back in the Administration. Kindness and pity weren’t the way to go when one wanted to master Shatterspin, and the power of the Wolf Clan. He remembered Ras’s warnings too well.

Speaking of which, he couldn’t help but check a second time their leader, breath getting stuck in his throat when he did.

Lord Ras was watching them, not the poor guy struggling to survive against the surges of powers that went in his body forcefully. He was quick to understand; he wanted to see who was able to stomach it, and who would be useless in the future to him. And fuck, Jay didn’t think he could do that, but he didn’t have a choice. His body and mind didn’t have a choice.

The man screamed in pure pain and terror one last time, turning Jay’s insides. His hands grabbed at his skin, scratching with abnormal nails that had grown after the gong had been hit a third time. It made deep wounds, forcing crimson to pour out, but it seemed like the man couldn’t care less, just wanting to get rid of that cursed mask.

He heaved, then coughed, falling on his knees with a final yell, yielding to the pressure of energy that must’ve been coursing through his body. Unable to adapt.

And then…

He fell to the ground.

As soon as he did, the red lights came back to the blue hue they had first seen when entering the room.

When others gasped, and some cried, one, Jay heard a snicker. He looked around, trying to see who was sick enough to have that kind of reaction to someone dropping dead in front of them.

He frowned when he found out who.

Now he knew why Nokt had seemed amused at the beginning. He must’ve known this could happen. What a fucking psychopath. He looked away from him, and back at the center of the dojo.

Ras growled, stomping his boot on the ground at the result. He then turned towards Wolf Warriors, a finger pointed at the now dead man. “Get it out of here. We aren’t done yet.”

Shit. Shit. Jay swallowed hard, unable to look away from the blood, as well as the one the corpse left behind when pulled away in a messy trail.

Their leader hit the ground with his hammer, demanding attention from everyone in the room. “The reason he failed, was his resilience against our power. To become powerful, one must learn to bend to the rules that make it all. Only then, can you be one with the Wolf Clan’s powers.” He pointed his weapon towards the recruits, snarling when most of them took a step back in front of it. “Another one of his mistake was doubting me, and being a coward.”

His eyes scanned the room, glaring. “If any of you feel that way as well, you may as well leave. Now.”

That would be a mistake. Yet, some people immediately hurried out, not needing to be told twice. Not a lot- four of them, he counted. Jay closed his eyes, and tried to ignore how two Wolf Warriors followed after them, their claws ready.

What had he gotten himself into? What was going to happen to him?! How many others were going to die? Not that he questioned of the others’ loyalty, but there was no doubt that witnessing that guy’s death must’ve changed their will to join.

Now that Jay knew this was the consequence of failure… fuck. Fuck. His guts were twisting in there, hurting his stomach physically, at this point. His ears were ringing, clouding his mind from everything else. What if all that he had done, all this ‘surviving’ shit, had only lead to his demise?

Jay clenched his fists. He’d never allow that. Cinder had managed to do it, so why wouldn’t he?

This was an opportunity. To find purpose, and a place where he would belong. He couldn’t screw this up. He wasn’t a damn coward. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to fight back the power that was about to allow him a new beginning.

This was a cruel world after all. Hadn’t he learned that over and over again? And he couldn’t be at the bottom of it all just because others weren’t able to keep up.

He would not. He would survive through it all, no matter what it meant to wear that mask.

No matter the price.

Ras called his name. He was the second one to be tested.

Taking a deep breath, he raised his head, and faced the Lord’s eyes with a fierce glare.

Slowly, he got up, ignoring how his stomach still felt like a pit, and how his head was still hurting from the panic he had felt earlier when seeing that man die, his pulse somehow perceivable in his ears.

Still, he got to the center of the room. Only when he did, his eyes found themselves unable to detach from the splatters of blood everywhere. Some were older. Some were on the walls.

They had all witnessed that many times, hadn’t they? And they hadn’t told anyone.

It was… it was…

He took a deep breath. Now wasn’t the time to loose it.

A dark paw handed the mask to him. It allowed Jay to focus his eyes in front of him, and away from the red splatters. Something he regretted doing, when meeting Ras’s eyes.

They were harsh, and unforgiving.

Jay couldn’t mess up.

He was being given a chance. A chance, that could be taken back, and handed to any other elemental master. He wasn’t the only one gifted after all, Cinder was the proof of that. Ras didn’t need him for this grand plan; he had an army, and people ready to follow his every order.

On the other hand, Jay needed Ras. And he owed that new chance at freedom, to him.

Straightening up, he grabbed his mask, and tried to not think back on how it was made of skin. Instead, he tried to concentrate on how there was metal there as well. When tying the strap behind his head, he tried to not remember how the one before him hadn’t been able to remove it when wanting to escape.

No turning back.

Darkness cornered his vision, the latter becoming defined by the constricted sight given to him.

Once settled, he placed both his arms along his body, and nodded to Ras with a dry throat. The latter growled, rearranging his hold on the hammer.

The gong was hit a first time.

The wave of its sound exploded in the room, reaching Jay’s body. It froze him, both his physical shell, and thoughts. Everything had gone silent in his mind, and around him. And he wasn’t sure if this was due to the effect of its power.

Even breathing seemed impossible, in these short seconds. He was completely petrified, finding himself feeling as if he’d been stuck in something so dense and heavy, holding him back. No noise could make it out of his mouth, despite the pain that had started to build up in both his face and chest.

Something had cracked inside of him.

Just as he sensed it, the gong was hit a second time.

It felt like a blow to his chest, making him back away. His bones felt breaking as he did, making him wonder if they could’ve been weakened by the power he had been hoping to obtain.

His ears unblocked. It caused him to be suddenly dizzy, and made his head heavy with the lack of oxygen.

Then his breath hitched, as soon as he noticed the paralyzing effect was gone.

Like breaking out of shallow waters and reaching the surface, he gasped, greedily sucking air. His legs wobbled, making him feel like he was about to loose balance, as both his hands reached for his neck to protect the precious air he was barely able to keep in his trachea.

His skin was itchy everywhere. Something was going on inside of him, turning his veins icy cold.

Something was wrong, and hurting. Something was very wrong.

The rush of his blood too was fast, and strong, making him think that his blood vessels were doubling in size, and perhaps stretching his skin as it grew, leading to his articulations becoming harder to move. It left the impression that everything was about to blow inside of him.

For a second, he wondered if he had died, and if he was about to fall on the floor, just like the man before him had, but then realized that the sound of his heartbeat was still there, and as fucking loud as it was quick.

He was alive. He was-

The gong was hit for the third, and last time.

The final wave forced him to puke, which he went along with, trying his best to not suffocate with it like the first guy. A blink, and he noticed that it was blood, coming out from his mouth in worrying amounts.

His insides abruptly felt like shattering, and he yelled, as his whole body seemed burning up, a harsh and painful contrast compared to what he’d been feeling seconds ago.

Jay wasn’t able to keep a shriek from escaping him, when the power he’d felt in him for as long as he could remember reached for his limbs, and exploded. The scent of burning skin made it to his nostrils, and he held his middle, as if trying to stop his insides from escaping him like his powers had. Only when he did, he sensed his lightning breaking apart.

Millions of pieces, made of parts of his powers, going absolutely insane, and making his body spasm.

Getting electrocuted was a familiar feeling. One he despised, but was never able to escape for too long when it came to dealing with his own incompetence and ignorance. Or when he would redirect lighting on their ship, to protect the ones he cared about.

But just like his power, these thoughts were shattered, making him cry, as his head hurt too much for him to keep up with.

So he didn’t.

He let these words and images get torn into pieces, shards feeling like they came to his heart, pulling his whole torso in a constricting sensation that once again made him think like he was about to die, just like that. The boiling sensation kept on increasing, causing his whole body to feel like he was burning alive.

Something clicked, then, and his vision became too blurry to understand. The red lights made it so he didn’t know where he was anymore, the distant image of people he used to know breaking apart again and again, causing his mind to shatter as well.

And once it was all gone, he vomited again, hugging himself tightly as if trying to at least keep his body in one piece. His shoulders slowly felt heavier, and the fur that had been around his sensitive skin suddenly ceased to be.

Though this was the last thing Jay cared about, as he fell to his knees, the collide with the ground making his bones almost rattle. The way his fingers kept twitching made him wonder how they hadn’t broken yet.

His breathing was difficult, with a voice that had turned hoarse at yells and cries of pain he hadn’t even been aware to be letting out.

He was about to die. He didn’t know how the feeling was so familiar, perhaps due to the blood that accumulated in his breathing pipes, akin to water, filling his lungs until there could be no air passing through. His heartbeat was diminishing, yet it stayed as the only thing Jay could hear.

So he caught it. He caught his heart, for it was all that was left to him.

His will to stay alive. His will to have something of his own, that would make him whole.

And it was a heart burning with rage.

This, was what pulled all the pieces back. What once had tried to escape him, was now caught back by the sheer amount of anger he felt at how fate and destiny had treated him.

What does it mean? The question went away as soon as it brushed his mind, the violent waves of power crushing anything that wasn’t meant to be like it away.

Thoughts. Feelings.

They no longer mattered.

All that mattered was power. Stitching back all that had been separated.

His lightning felt growing. Launching itself and balancing his body in positions and forms that meant both a cry for a help and the picture of a violent force forbidding anyone to get close.

Then came the fusion.

The skin that made the inside of the mask slithered in through his pores, pulling and tearing its way through to have full possession of him, and share its cursed strength to the one that had dared to agree with its ways. Jay wanted to wonder if this was what it meant to meddle with dark magic.

But he couldn’t even do that, screaming again with his broken voice at the violent intrusion he had allowed for someone else’s game.

Foolish. Foolish. He always was foolish.

The foreign matter didn’t bother to be careful, before settling in- although not without damaging the inside of his mouth some more. It forced out more blood out, kicking out whatever was left that wouldn’t be useful to this newfound power.

A final deep breath, and Jay felt…

Liberated.

Gone, was the weight that had been caused by his soul and mind shattering and leaving behind too many pieces to carry. His whole body now felt light, lungs freed enough to give him as much space as needed for the air he needed to live.

The power felt lurking in his systems, flowing and giving him feelings he’d never felt before.

It was pure bliss.

After a few minutes, Jay blinked, his vision coming back, although with nothing to muffle it this time. The euphoric sensation slowly escaped him, letting reality settle back in his mind. Feelings of what was around and on him came back, making him tighten his fists.

He felt as though his sweat had drenched all of his clothes, along the blood. His chest kept expanding in grand moves, each breath making his body quiver, as he tried to catch his breath properly, and return oxygen to his brain.

When he did, his head returned to its previous heavy state, with each pulse increasing the pressure at an impossible rate. Yet, this stayed incredibly dull compared to what having worn the mask the first time had felt like.

He opened and closed his mouth, stretching his jaw to check if it hadn’t changed, or if the muscles there hadn’t torn apart. They had certainly felt so. He checked his limbs as well, particularly his hands, by opening and closing them multiple times.

Everything was good, it seemed.

Bringing his hands up, he checked his face, wanting to make sure everything was still there, and if he hadn’t just imagined the mask going inside of his skin.

But he hadn’t. The mask wasn’t here anymore.

He rubbed at his neck, but scratched himself, making him hiss. He looked at his hands.

Claws had grown, there. The gloves hadn’t even torn, having adapted to the new form they had gained. Closing his eyes, he then oversaw how his powers reacted to the newly added strength.

The response was immediate, surge of powers making his body twitch, and forcing him to gasp for air again. Opening back his eyes, he saw these bridges of electricity between his fingers, going all the way to the tip of his fingers, before disappearing, over and over again.

He chuckled, snapping his fingers. It created a small blow, enough to shake his curls. He then got back up, not bothered to look at the people around him, despite the loud whispers. Directing his gaze in front of him, he then aimed for a wall with his fingers, before sending his lightning there.

The stone that made the wall exploded, pieces of wood and rocks flying everywhere in the room, and allowing dust to float freely.

Jay snickered, feeling this happy buzzing inside of him, always here in the aftermath.

Fuck yeah.

He had missed this so much.

…I wonder who thisused to be.

Walking away from the gravestone, he added the wood to the fire he had prepared for the night.

A caravan was in that junkyard, but he didn’t feel like he was allowed to get inside, even if no one was there. No matter how cold it could get in the desert at night, this wasn’t his home, and he was simply there as a guest. He wasn’t even sure why he had traveled all the way here, but by the time he had realized where he had gone to, the sun had been long gone, leaving him with no choice but to set up camp here.

At least this spot was empty. It was a welcoming change compared to the crowded and suffocating places that had been the Administration or staying with the Wolf Clan. Although he had always been on his own in these previous positions, here the loneliness was one much better then what he’d dealt with in these last few years.

Jay hoped that there at least wouldn’t be any wild creatures to attack him. Fighting back without his powers had proven to be more difficult then he had expected. Thankfully, he had kept the gun from his time in the Administration; a great way to defend himself.

He sat on the ground, and looked at the fire crackling in front of his feet, relieving the itch on his face by scratching it as much as he could. No doubt his skin had not only turned red, but with marks left behind as well. Damn it.

…Being without that mask was going to be very hard. It had adapted to his skin- or maybe it had gifted him a second one. He wasn’t sure. He didn’t understand any of this.

All he knew, was that whenever he had been wearing it, even if for a short time, it had been granting him such an incredible thrill that he already knew just couldn’t be compared.

Oh, he had felt like he was on top of the world. As if nothing could’ve ever stopped his powers and him, from getting back at everything that had been unfair to him up to this point.

Now, all he had left were scars. From wearing this cursed mask, and bearing these powers that had never been truly his, but another’s hidden through his own element.

Jay had no idea if he missed the mask, its power, or if this was all caused by how much he missed his lightning.

His eye twitched; he should’ve listened to his urge, in that moment, and killed her. Destroyed her. And now that he hadn’t, the feeling of regret was unbearable.

He wanted to tear at his skin, but he didn’t even have the claws left for that. Only his poorly taken care of nails, dirty and gnawed by his need to relieve his anxiety and surges of powers every time he hadn’t been wearing the mask.

…Jay missed it all, as much as he cursed it all.

Had he not followed Ras, he would have never lost his powers. Had he stayed in the Administration, in this false life of his, he would have never been bothered by flashes and addictions he had never been prepared to face. He would’ve found his own way to his demise, sure, but at least through a path never led by others.

How had any of what I heard so farsounded right? How could I fall for their lies?

Jay frowned, thinking back on what he had listened to again. He didn’t believe them at all. Their fake stories…

Everyone lies. They’re all the same. Great warrior my ass. Jay now didn’t doubt that Ras could’ve lied to him, and it upset him greatly. What for?! To give him hope, and then crush it all in the next moment because of his so called failure? Gah!

He thought back on that woman he had fought. She too, had pretended to know him.

The sweet tone he could remember from her voice made him grit his teeth.

Even if she and her team had been right, why had they never come for him? It had been years. He had found himself all over again, since then.

“Let’s theorize that it was because they had no idea of where I was. Fine.” Jay clenched his fists. “Why didn’t they come get me when I was kicked out?”

His words were barely above a whisper, not even heavy enough to be carried around by the wind.

He stopped moving, forbid himself from flinching, focusing on the sounds of the burning fire so he could shift it as a background noise so his brain wouldn’t have to bother itself with. He then closed his eyes, and just… listened.

Strong wind, making the abandoned metal around him creak softly, and passing through small and tight openings, whistling all around him.

Deep down, he knew he waited for another noise. The snap of a branch, or the crunch of the sand under someone’s shoe that would make his hair bristle in apprehension. The sign that someone would come for him.

So he waited.

Until moments later, silence was still all that answered him.

He cursed, bringing his knees up to hug them, and huddle in a smaller position.

Jay didn’t know what else he had expected. Of course this wouldn’t happen.

He was alone. He’d always be, in the end. And it seemed like… he wasn’t enough. Not enough to make up for the help given to him, nor enough for people that were supposed to care about him to come back and find him. Loneliness was all that awaited him. He understood that.

… And despite feeling like this, he didn’t feel as he thought low he would’ve.

No. Quite the contrary.

Jay was… appeased. After all, that meant he could finally build a life. Even if it wouldn’t be much.

Throughout the years, he had learned that he had to move forward in order to survive. To do as told, and never question what he was ordered to do, or face consequences. Whether it had been the Administration, or Ras’s Wolf Clan.

So now, knowing for sure that no one and nothing was going to hold him back was freeing. Enough to get rid of these incessant thoughts bugging his mind, at least. Yet not quite enough to get rid of that pressure in his stomach.

Because all of this meant that he had nothing. He never had, and he never would. It left him… empty.

At the end of the day, it meant that he was nothing.

He watched the sparks escaping the fire. Like lightning’s, in a sense, but much less volatile, and not as comforting. He followed their trails, until his gaze ended up towards the stars. Had he known their names, a lifetime ago? The paths they traced, and how they never changed?

But it must’ve changed after the Merge. There was no doubt about that. Even something supposed to never be in motion except throughout centuries had completely shifted, no matter how infinite and big it must’ve always felt to him.

Everything had changed.

How was he supposed to find his past self if nothing was the same?

I don’t. That’s how. There was no need to waste time for something so meaningless. At least he hoped.

He sighed, glad to be protected from the chill of the night.

Warmth whenever it was cold was always a better thing. It was a comforting presence he had never admitted to enjoy in front of him. His… his heart kinda regretted that now.

Jay blinked at the dark sky.

…Who-

Something flashed before his eyes, too fast for him to identify what it was. It aimed for him, reaching its target in a millisecond.

Lightning had just struck him.

He shouted, feeling his powers immediately coming back to him, making him fall on his hands and knees.

Fuck. He hated that feeling. The one of his body getting electrocuted by his own life source, because he just couldn’t control it right.

Come on! He hit the ground with his fist, spitting on the grass as he grasped at the insanity of his power. He kept gritting his teeth, until finally, the lightning settled in, and buzzed happily to be back in its rightful place, with its rightful owner.

Jay took a deep breath. Yeah. Missed you too.

Since the start, his lightning had been the only thing there for him. To be reunited with it again brought tears to his eyes, both of joy, and anger.

At having lost them in the first place. At losing them to that damned water ninja.

I love you, Jay. I will always love you.

The memory of the woman’s desperate face flashed back when he shut his eyes to get rid of his tears.

An act. It wasn’t that difficult to pretend emotions after all, was it?

If he ever saw her again… he was pretty sure he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.

She hadn’t hesitated to defeat him. Pretty fucked up for someone who was supposed to care, like she wanted him to believe.

Or maybe she’d been following orders, like I was.

Jay shook his head. Whatever the reason, it clearly wouldn’t justify anything. Nor would it tarnish the way his heart dripped hatred into his blood, making him even angrier then before.

The medallion felt heavy in his pocket.

Too heavy, this time.

He took it, and looked at the shape.

…It was a missing piece. He could see that now.

Jay didn’t want to be that. The missing piece of someone instead of being his own person. Of a puzzle he had nothing to do with.

What kind of life could he expect if all he was supposed to be was a pawn placed by others, and never able to have his own free will? The piece in a long chain of supposed important people. Full of important tasks, to serve the greater good of some kind of Great Administration, or a Great Cause of some Delusional Clan.

He’d be no one’s missing piece. No one’s lost part.

He was his own soul. No matter how shattered it felt, and how many little pieces of it were left.

Jay threw the heavy piece in the fire, the weight in his heart never tarnishing during the long time he watched it in the flames, as the moon advanced its course. He stayed that way, holding his limbs tightly against him, while taking deep yet suffocating breaths.

Until, it finally started to melt.

The slightest tint of gold, pearling down as it became a liquid again, and advanced on the darker metal it was attached to.

Never again.

[restinslices]

I love your stuff so much, could you write something with the reader getting jealous about Smoke? Someone getting a bit too close to him and the reader feels bad about it. And Tomas finds out and comforts her, finding it endearing.

And I love you💕 Idk why this was kicking my ass so bad. I did two drafts and idk if I like this but this is all I got😔

Word count: 1476

Tomas was not entirely stupid. 

Sure he had moments where he'd made something that should've been simple,  incredibly complicated but he wasn't stupid. He didn't think so at least. 

Anyone who's been around him for the past week might disagree though. 

Tomas had just returned from a mission along with his brothers, and naturally he was telling you all about it. If you were being honest with yourself, you weren't really listening. Tomas tended to ramble and his missions were usually the same as the last, so it was best to let him go on and on but still add commentary here and there. “Wow”, “Really?”, “No you didn't”, and other side comments would hold him. 

Your ears perked up and you started to listen more when he started mentioning women.

It's not that he couldn't speak to other women or he couldn't have female friends, you weren't that crazy. It was just the way he was describing them. Great fighters, moving with the wind, long flowy hair that danced in the sun. It was compliment after compliment, and as much as you hated to admit it, it made your heart squeeze. 

“Wanna tell me how they all looked in detail?” You said sarcastically. You expected Tomas to hear your sarcasm, realize what was wrong, apologize and keep telling his story. Instead he just chuckled and said 

“Then we'd be here all day”. 

Unfortunately for you, the day got worse. 

Another woman whose name you hadn't memorized was all over him. Giggling at jokes that weren't nearly as funny as she pretended they are and finding any reason to touch him. 

You should've said something. You should've communicated your feelings. That's how relationships are supposed to work. 

But you didn't. 

On one hand, you thought you had every reason to be jealous and if Tomas actually cared for your feelings, then he would've picked up on this and apologized. On the other hand you thought you were being unreasonable. Tomas couldn't help if some ditzy bitch liked him. Plus, you never told him how you felt, so you couldn't be mad at him for not understanding. In the same breath though, why didn't he tell her to get off of him and why did he feel it was necessary to describe how great these other women he met were? 

You were arguing with yourself for a solid week, and each day that devil on your shoulder got louder. After all, if Tomas did care about how you felt, he'd stop entertaining that girl. Everytime she was near, you left. Didn't you absence bother him?

But once again, that damn angel got in the way telling you to just be honest with him. He'd understand. How can you be mad at something you hadn't communicated upsets you?

But communication came with shame. How would you look telling Tomas that you got a little butt hurt about him talking about other girls and a girl that kept flirting with him? He'd either understand, or he'd be upset. That's how relationships fell apart, right?

No. It was the lack of communication. 

Maybe?

“I'm gonna throw myself down the stairs” you mumbled. 

“Why?” he asked. 

You somehow forgot he was there. You and him were in charge of washing dishes for the week, but neither of you had been talking. 

“I just hate washing dishes” you said, not completely lying. 

It went silent again, the only thing filling the air being the sounds of you washing and him rinsing. 

Then that silence was broken. 

“Are you ignoring me?” he asked. You didn't know how to answer. You didn't mean to ignore him. You were just in your head a lot. 

You didn't answer and he sighed. “Did I do something?”

“No” you answered without thinking. It was a reflex at this point. Tomas over thought things a lot and you'd have to remind him not everything was on him. Telling him he wasn't at fault was natural, but you weren't sure who was at fault now. 

“I mean… I don't know. It doesn't matter”

“It does to me”

“Does it?”. 

You closed your eyes and breathed slowly. You were being way too harsh and you knew it. Tomas was asking you to share what was going on in your head, and you were saying no?

You opened your eyes again. Your mouth opened a few times, trying to figure out how to put what you were feeling but it never felt right. 

“I don't know how to get this out. It doesn't even make sense in my head. It won't make sense out loud”

“Just say it anyway and I'll ask you questions if I'm confused”. You wondered how Tomas was so good and patient and wondered if he learned that from one of his parents. Or maybe his sister. Either way, you mentally thanked whoever he learned from. 

“Ok so, I just feel- no. No, I should explain first in chronological order. You came back and then… actually that sounds really accusatory”. You groaned and looked over at him “can you just tell me to shut the fuck up”. 

He smiled a little and shook his head. “I wanna hear it. We have all day”. 

“It's late at night. That is not true”. He didn't respond and he wouldn't until you confessed whatever you were thinking. 

“Chronological order then…”, after some more stumbling and backtracking you managed to get it all out. Why you were jealous, when it started, how conflicted you felt and how ashamed you felt for being jealous in the first place. The whole time he just listened, nodded, and furrowed his brows at some parts. You couldn't tell if it was confusion or anger. 

“I didn't mean it that way” he said when you were done. “When I said 'then we’d be here all day’. I just meant there was a lot of them, which I realize now still sounds bad but I didn't mean it in some 'they were just too beautiful’ way. I didn't hear your sarcasm”

“And I just kept conversation with her to be nice. I don't know. I didn't wanna seem rude”

“Being rude can go a long way”

“I guess. And I noticed your absence, I just didn't know why. I figured you needed space for whatever reason, so I didn't bother you”

“I think it's impossible for you to bother me”. 

Once again, he smiled and let out a small laugh. You looked back down at the soapy water and that's when you felt like a complete idiot. You were worrying him when you could've been had this conversation. 

“I'm an idiot”

“I don’t think so” and you could tell by his voice that he was smirking. “I think you're just really in love with me”

“Ok buddy”. You rolled your eyes, even if he was right. 

“It's cute”

“It's embarrassing”

“Loving me or-”

“Being jealous. I haven't been that jealous before with anyone else”

“I'm not like anyone else”

“You're white. You're quite literally like everyone else-” Tomas flicked water your way, some of it getting in your eye. 

“I'm gonna kill you”

“You wouldn't. You'd get jealous over the Grim Reaper”. You frowned but he kept smiling that stupid smile that was both loving and antagonistic. Then he laughed. A nice heartfelt laugh that ended up making you crack a smile. 

“Are you smiling because I'm laughing?”

“Absolutely not”,  you lied. 

“You really got a thing for me”

“I've never met you a day in my life”

“That's even more embarrassing then if you're that in love with me”. You went to make another smart comment, but he bumped his shoulder against yours “hey”, he said softly. So soft it threw you off guard. “I think it's cute. You're like a little guard dog”. 

“Were you dropped on your head as a baby and now your social cues are scrambled? A guard dog? I'd prefer if you stabbed me. Here-”, you went to grab a knife but he caught your hand. Any other time you would've hated this. Both your hands were soaking and something about the feel of that made you skin crawl, but you guessed you could deal with that. 

“I think it's cute that you love me so much. I just wish you'd be more honest about what you feel. I was worried”. 

You cringed. You supposed that was your fault. You and your dumb brain making shit complicated, which is something you swore was more of a Tomas thing. 

“I'll be better. I promise. I'll start now”

“Now?”

“Now. The texture of you wet hand makes me wanna die. Please unhand me”. He couldn't help but laugh as he let you go, and you couldn't help but laugh as well. 

You didn't know what you were laughing at. 

You were just happy to be laughing together. 

Finally getting back to requests. The crowd goes wild. Tumblr has this big space between lines so I cannot tell if the format is weird and I should add more space or if I’m tweaking. Oh well.

[defectivevillain]

attempts at amnesty

pairing: Harry & Reader (platonic)

the reader is gender-neutral. their race is ambiguous and no physical descriptors are used.

“You should get some sleep, Harry,” you suggest, changing the subject. “We have a long day ahead of us.” Harry’s face is pinched and he stares at you for a moment, before shaking his head. He won’t let his guard down, and you can’t really blame him. You take a deep breath, before trying to think of a way to assure Harry that he can trust you. “Here.” Harry stands at the object you hand him with thinly-veiled confusion and apprehension. “It’s my wand,” you explain, “A wand is a wizard’s most powerful accessory, weapon, and aid. I’m giving my wand to you to show that I mean you no harm.” “You trust me with your wand?” Harry whispers. “Yes,” you respond instinctually. You decide that more people need to show their trust and faith in the boy.

Canonically, Harry’s first introduction to the Wizarding World was wonderful and magnificent, but it was also jaded. He was left to make his own assumptions about magic from the behaviors of those around him. But what if Harry Potter had a trustworthy adult to teach him about the Wizarding World—one who always had faith in him, stood up for him, and protected him?

word count: 4k | chapters: 1/? | ao3 version

warnings: canonical child abuse

author's notes: I’ve been battling with myself to even post this fic in the first place, so please know that I am trying my best and taking the utmost care to assure that I am not upholding JKR's prejudices. And if you don’t want to engage with this at all, I completely understand.

This is a reader-insert piece primarily focused on the platonic relationship between the reader and Harry. The reader in this piece is gender-neutral—relatedly, the word “wizard” is used as an ambiguous, gender-neutral term that encompasses all gender identities. The reader will also be written as racially ambiguous & no physical descriptors will be used. In future chapters, they may be referred to with they/them pronouns.

This piece is going to tread the line between canon divergence and canon noncompliance, so there will likely be many canon inconsistencies. You may have to suspend your disbelief a *little* to enjoy this story. But it will still be largely centered around the events that take place in the seven books.

I have most of the general premise written for this already, but very few of the details and necessary transitions are written. I think this first chapter is a bit choppy, for example, but I don't want this fic to die in my drafts... so I'm letting it run free.

October 31, 1981

You’re having a strange day: a few of your top students completely forgot about the Ancient Runes essay you assigned; at breakfast, Headmaster Dumbledore announced that the next Hogsmeade trip would be postponed; you nearly got mauled by an unfamiliar owl... Things are just odd today. You don’t put much stock in Divination, but even Professor Trelawney’s ravings are starting to sound less mad than usual. Something is in the air.

As you’re walking about, you hear the whispered conversation of two Gryffindors in the hall. You’re not above eavesdropping, so you lean against the closest wall and listen. Besides, you could easily punish them for being out of bed after-hours; if anything, you’re doing them a favor by letting them continue to walk the halls unimpeded. 

“Did you hear? James Potter and his wife were killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.” A third-year Gryffindor, Evelark, says.  

“Really?” Their companion says, clearly suspicious. “Lily Evans, too? I heard they were both rather talented wizards.” 

“Yes.” The student confirms. "But there’s good news—great, even. Their child, Harry, survived the Dark Lord’s Killing Curse. Not only did he survive, but the curse rebounded and killed the Dark Lord."

“Seriously?!” The other student remarks.  

“Crazy, right?” Evelark exclaims. The elder Gryffindor looks skeptical. The younger student sighs and continues to speak. “They say Harry has a scar on his forehead to show for it.”  

“I don’t quite believe you, Evelark.” They huff.  

“That’s bloody fine,” the younger Gryffindor scoffs, clearly bothered by their companion’s suspicion. “You’ll see it in the Prophet tomorrow." 

“If you say so.” With that last remark, the two Gryffindors make their way back to their common room.  

You watch them retreat for a moment, before eventually letting them fall out of your sight. For a few moments, it feels as if you’re stuck to the wall. Eventually, you manage to peel yourself off of it and walk away.  Your heart pounds traitorously in your chest and a buzzing noise reverberates through your ears and into your skull. Surely the Dark Lord can’t be dead. Surely it couldn’t be that easy. 

You begin to walk down the hallway, suddenly burdened with the pressure of coming to terms with the supposed end of the war on your own. You mechanically make your way back to your office and, before long, you’re sitting at your desk. Admittedly, you can’t quite bring yourself to believe what the students were saying. Even if it were true, one unshakeable fact remains: Voldemort would not die so easily. 

Little do you know, at that very moment, in Little Whinging, Surrey, young Harry Potter is placed on the Dursleys’ front porch. In a few hours, the very ordinary Dursleys will wake up to a very unordinary sight: a baby on their doorstep. For now, James and Lily’s son sleeps peacefully—with no knowledge of the horrible, gruesome events that took his parents from him.

Meanwhile, you’re left to the solitude of your office, an uncomfortable tension lingering in the air. An inexplicable shiver rolls down your spine; and it takes you a long time to fall asleep that night.

Eleven Years Later

You know very little about Harry Potter—or, “The Boy Who Lived,” as the Wizarding World has dubbed him. Admittedly, you are pretty uncomfortable with how easily the wizarding population seems to idolize the boy. He’s just a boy, after all. The story behind his parents’ death and Voldemort’s defeat is painted out to be a heroic feat for young Harry, but you can’t see past the tragic nature of it all. You seem to be in the minority in that regard. 

These days, Harry Potter is somewhat difficult to track down. At least, that’s what you glean from your brief conversation with Albus Dumbledore regarding the boy’s Hogwarts letter. Apparently, several letters have been sent to the home of his Muggle relatives—but they have gone so far as to relocate to a shack on a deserted island to prevent Harry from receiving his letter. The thought is troublesome. Albus requests that you deliver the boy’s Hogwarts letter in person and take him to Diagon Alley—where you’re also supposed to check on a vault at Gringotts. You grit your teeth and sigh. You’re not usually the one who has to visit families on account of Hogwarts, but McGonagall doesn’t have the time to meet with Harry. You’re the second choice, apparently. 

Your conversation with Albus then prompts you to find yourself standing outside the aforementioned seaside shack in the pouring rain. After a moment, you cast a Tempus charm, finding that it is now midnight on July 31st—reportedly, Harry’s birthday. You glance through the front window, only to find a thin, bruised boy sleeping on a shoddy hardwood floor. That must be Harry. His relatives are nowhere in sight—they must be occupying the other rooms. Somehow, you doubt that they are sleeping on the floor. The thought of Harry’s relatives treating him so callously fills you with irritation. 

After a moment’s contemplation, you unlock the door with an Alohomora charm and find yourself on the business end of a rifle—courtesy of Harry’s uncle, Vernon Dursley. You huff a laugh at the Muggle’s pseudo-bravery; it fades quickly when you cast a spell that makes his rifle melt into a puddle on the floor. You immediately elect to ignore Potter’s relatives and instead address the boy directly. You tell him that he’s a wizard. Predictably, he doesn’t believe you. 

“I’d be happy to explain further, Harry, but not in this company,” you say, with a glance at his relatives. His aunt and uncle are hovering awkwardly over their son, who is panting heavily after you momentarily cast an Ebublio Jinx to stop him from speaking. You hadn’t actually intended to drown him, of course, but his parents don’t seem to care about your intentions. You sigh and turn back to Harry. “I’ll stay here for the night. We’ll depart in the morning and I’ll show you to Diagon Alley, where you’ll get your school things.” Any further argument falls on determined ears as you cast an impromptu ward that prevents the Dursleys from stepping any closer to Harry and you.

You don’t sleep well that night—and Harry doesn’t either. It seems he doesn’t quite trust you yet—and, from what you can glean from his upbringing, you can’t entirely blame him. Instead of waiting until the morning, you decide to explain the circumstances of his birth and Voldemort’s return. It’s certainly a difficult conversation—you believe you’re far from the best person to be explaining all of that to him. You soon find yourself troubled by the fact that Harry didn’t know how his parents died; the Dursleys’ “car crash” story was beyond disrespectful.  

“So Voldemort-” Harry starts, after you’ve explained the circumstances of his birth; Hogwarts and your role as the Ancient Runes professor; and anything else you thought pertinent to mention. 

“It’s generally frowned upon to utter his name,” you interject instinctively. Harry blinks at you. 

“Then why do you say it?” Indeed, Harry noticed that you hadn’t refrained from saying Voldemort’s name. You take a deep breath, still struggling to come to terms with the fact that you’re the one tasked with introducing the boy to the Wizarding World. Something about that doesn’t feel quite fair. You didn’t know James and Lily well—while you were in the same year at Hogwarts, you hadn’t been friends with them. Harry is still staring at you expectantly and you have to take a moment to refocus your thoughts.  

��There is power in knowing someone’s name—recognizing their power—and choosing to acknowledge it,” you begin. “Avoiding the Dark Lord’s name only transfers accountability, and furthers the false notion that he is too powerful to be opposed by anyone.”

Harry is staring at you blankly and his eyes are almost saying “I have no idea what you just said.”   You smile and reach out to ruffle his hair, before remembering that he likely wouldn’t appreciate the gesture. Your hand falls to your side again and Harry just blinks confusedly. 

“You should get some sleep, Harry,” you suggest, changing the subject. “We have a long day ahead of us. I’ve cast a spell that prohibits any of your family members from entering this space, so you will be safe here.” Harry’s face is pinched and he stares at you for a moment, before shaking his head. You take a deep breath. He really should get some sleep—the two of you are going to have a lot to do, what with the travel to Diagon Alley and the shopping for school materials. He’s only eleven years old, so he needs the rest. You try to think of a way to assure Harry that he can trust you. Suddenly, you get an idea. “Here.” Harry stands at the object in his hand with thinly-veiled confusion and apprehension. 

“It’s my wand,” you explain, “A wand is a wizard’s most powerful accessory, weapon, and aid. A wand is the extension of a wizard’s power; without it, they can cast very little magic.” You decide to negate the existence of wandless magic for now. That’s something you can explain later. “I’m giving my wand to you to show that I mean you no harm.”

“I advise you not to try using my wand, both because it will likely not work and because underage wizards aren’t allowed to cast magic. When we go to Diagon Alley tomorrow—or, I suppose, later today—we’ll get you your own wand.” You hate to overwhelm the boy with all that information, but you fear that he’ll be overwhelmed regardless. He was being raised as a Muggle, after all. Harry isn’t familiar with anything from the Wizarding World. You notice the wary expression on his face and wait for him to question you about the purpose of a wand, the spells a person can cast with one. 

“You trust me with your wand?” Harry whispers quietly. His voice is unsure and, upon noticing this, your heart breaks a little.

“Yes,” you respond instinctively. You decide that more people need to show their trust and faith in the boy. Harry likely didn’t hear that often—if at all—during his childhood. The Dursleys treat him like he doesn’t exist. The thought makes your blood boil, but you resign yourself to thinking about that later. “Anyway, I’m going to try to sleep a bit. Feel free to do the same.” You conjure up two futons before reclining on the first one and closing your eyes. 

Before you can drift off, you remember what you’ve forgotten. “Harry?” You ask. He hums. “Happy birthday.” You whisper before closing your eyes. Sleep comes quickly, preventing you from comprehending his response.  

Hours later, your wristwatch goes off and jolts you from slumber. You blink and slowly push yourself up to a sitting position before chancing a glance at Harry. Harry is sleeping, thankfully. Your wand is in his hand. You’re not quite sure how to wake him. You settle for saying his name quietly and he wakes within a few seconds. The thought that he has to remain vigilant, even when he’s sleeping, is deeply troubling. In the short time you’ve spent in this clumsily built shack, you’ve learned a lot more about Harry Potter than you would’ve liked to know. 

You didn’t originally foresee having to spend the night in the shack, so you didn’t bring food. You tell Harry that you’ll stop for food before shopping. Harry watches as you pack up your things. You almost urge him to do the same, before realizing that he has next to nothing, save for the clothes on his back. You grit your teeth. Did Albus know about the nature of Harry’s upbringing? The mere possibility sickens you. You push the thought aside. For now, getting the boy’s school supplies is the priority. [That, and the vault key the headmaster trusted you with. Then again, you’re not too happy with Albus at the moment, so you’re keen to let that slip to the back of your mind.] 

“Dumbledore made us a Portkey; it’ll send us over to downtown London,” you explain, gathering the remainder of your things before beckoning for Harry to follow you. “A Portkey is an item that transports you to a predetermined location when you touch it.” You explain.  

“Hold on, Harry,” you tell him once the two of you are situated outside of the shack. Harry stares at you for a moment, before you reach out and hold the worn old boot sitting on the ground. Harry looks extremely skeptical, but he grabs onto it and the world begins to swirl around you. 

Moments later, you’re falling down to a wooded area on a side street. You take a deep breath and turn around to look for Harry, only to find him sprawled on the ground. You bite down a laugh and walk over to him, offering a hand. He takes your hand and you pull him to his feet. “Is it always that unpleasant?” Harry asks. 

“No, you’ll get used to it,” you say reassuringly. You take a quick look at your surroundings, happy that you recognize where you are. You will only have to walk a few minutes to get to the cafe for breakfast. “Now, let’s grab something to eat.” You motion for Harry to follow you and he does so, albeit while still being shocked at his surroundings. 

By the time the two of you make it to the cafe, the novelty seems to have worn off for Harry. You’re sure he must be starving. You settle into a small table in the corner of the space, pleased that it isn’t very busy. A waitress stops by your table and asks for drinks, but the two of you end up just having water. When she returns and asks about food, you encourage Harry to choose whatever he’d like. He eventually decides on a chocolate croissant and, when the food arrives, the two of you eat in silence. 

After your pleasant breakfast, you pay the bill and head out with Harry. It doesn’t take you long to notice the stress that seems to string his shoulders together. The boy’s brows are furrowed. “You alright there, Harry?” You question. He flinches for a moment, as if torn out of his thoughts. 

“You said we were going shopping, but-” Harry breaks off, looking embarrassed, “I don’t have any money.” Your heart sinks at the shame on his face. He shouldn’t be ashamed of anything. Even if he were to truly have no money, Hogwarts has a funding program. However, Harry does have the money his parents left him—and you’re quick to tell him that. 

“Sure you do,” you remark. “You have access to everything your parents left you. It’s all in a vault in Gringotts.” At Harry’s questioning look, you explain. “Gringotts is a bank in Diagon Alley. It’s one of the biggest wizarding banks in the world. Your parents have an account there—Dumbledore instructed me to show it to you.” You were given explicit instruction not to give Harry the key, but you’re apprehensive about that. The Potter vault is rightfully Harry’s and no one else’s; even the headmaster can’t control that. 

Before long, the two of you are standing a short distance from the Leaky Cauldron. You earn Harry’s permission to disillusion him—once you mention that he’s famous, he’s quick to take you up on the offer—and the two of you manage to make it to the courtyard within a few minutes. The disillusionment spell wears off and Harry murmurs his gratitude, before staring at the brick wall in front of you with thinly-veiled trepidation. You smile at him, before tapping the correct brick. The wall slowly falls away to reveal the twisting streets of Diagon Alley. Shops line the pavement and pedestrians walk about. There’s an energetic buzz in the air; evidently, you’re not the only one going shopping for school supplies. 

You chance a sidelong glance at Harry, delighted to see an awestruck expression on his face. After giving him a few moments to look at it all, you reach down and extend an arm for him to hold. Diagon Alley is chaotic, even to someone familiar with it; you don’t want to lose Harry in the crowd. Harry takes your arm and the two of you walk along the cobbled path. 

“We’d better go to Gringotts first,” you remark, breaking Harry out of his reverie. Harry nods, although his attention is quickly captured by all the shops and stores lining the street. You promise him that you’ll visit many of the different shops once you visit the bank first, which seems to appease him for the moment.

Harry’s jaw falls open once you both enter the entrance hall of Gringotts. Indeed, the building is rather luxurious—with long, elegant pillars and well-carved desks scattered around the space. The sound of quills against parchment fills the air. You allow Harry to follow behind you as you approach the service desk and ask for a goblin’s assistance. Within moments, a goblin by the name of Griphook is leading you towards a mine cart and closer to the vaults. You don’t realize that you’ve neglected to explain goblins and other magical beings to Harry until he’s asking you about them in a hushed voice. 

You try your best to explain goblins, vampires, centaurs, werewolves, and more to Harry to the best of your ability. Funnily enough, Griphook occasionally chimes in with his own remarks. By the time Harry and you are finally at the vault, you’re certain that his head is likely spinning from all the information. You smile and motion for Harry to open the vault with the key you gave him. The look on his face as the vault door opens to reveal the Potter inheritance is priceless. You linger outside the door, but try to advise him to only take as much as needed. Harry eventually decides on taking a small amount. You assure him that it’ll be enough to last him the school year. 

“We have one more stop to make, unfortunately,” you say to Harry once he’s done in the Potter vault. The boy looks at you in confusion. Griphook nods and, with a wave of his hand, the mine cart is shooting down the rails once more. You can tell Harry is resisting the urge to ask about the vault you’re going to. You decide to tell him that Dumbledore sent you to retrieve something. You don’t want him to think that you’re keeping secrets from him; unfortunately, you know you can’t tell him any more than that. 

Upon arrival at the vault, you realize there’s nothing in it, save for a rather flimsy bag. You take the bag in hand and step out of the vault. Griphook sneers and mutters something under his breath, but you don’t hear it. You notice Harry warily glancing at the parcel in your hand as the cart makes its way back up to the lobby. 

“Thank you for your help, Griphook,” you remark, once you are back in the entrance hall. You watch Harry nod and send him a small smile, to which Griphook rolls his eyes and walks away. You resist the urge to laugh at the visible fascination on Harry’s face. You don’t blame him, of course. He didn’t grow up in the Wizarding World, so everyone and everything he’s seeing today is entirely new to him. 

After Gringotts, you decide to take Harry to the bookstore to pick up his textbooks. Harry gets all his required textbooks and a few other necessities. After that, the two of you head to The Apothecary for his Potions ingredients. 

Next, the two of you walk into Ollivanders. Harry gets his wand, albeit after thirty minutes. Ollivander seems to be on the verge of having an aneurysm, but the confused frustration on his face quickly fades to wary fascination as Harry finally finds his wand. Ollivander explains that the wand had a brother—one other wand with the same core, a phoenix feather. The other wand belongs to He Who Must Not Be Named. Ollivander is about to continue speaking, but you cut him off and catch Harry’s eye, looking to the door. He understands and follows after you. The two of you leave Ollivanders and you take a deep breath. That was unexpected. Harry is regarding the wand in his hand with a mix of excitement and fear. 

“Harry?” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. Harry looks up to you in surprise, before nodding hesitantly. You bite your lip and try to find the right words. “You’re not worried about the wand being a brother to Lord Voldemort’s, are you?” 

Harry is silent. That is enough of an answer. 

“It’s okay,” you remark. “You share the same core and nothing more. Voldemort’s wand is likely made with different wood and is a different length. Besides, you’re not anything like him, Harry.” 

“Are you sure?” Harry murmurs, so quietly that you nearly miss it. It takes you a few seconds to recover from the emotional whiplash of that remark. 

“Positive,” you remark, your eyes suddenly burning for some reason. This boy… He deserves far better. 

And speaking of deserving better, it’s still Harry’s birthday. You get the feeling the Dursleys didn’t give him birthday presents. Harry has been rather pleasant company, and you feel that you should get something for him.“You probably didn’t have many pleasant birthdays with the Dursleys,” you start. Harry diplomatically keeps silent. “And, well, I’d like to get you something.” Harry blinks at you in disbelief. “I’m thinking I should buy you an owl; they’re really useful. How does that sound?”

“Brilliant.” Harry grins. You smile and lead him towards Eeylops Owl Emporium. Twenty minutes later, the two of you are exiting with a cage in hand. Inside, there’s a snowy white owl that chirps at Harry happily. The boy decides to name her Hedwig. 

“I hate to leave you, Harry,” you remark some time later, once you’ve left Diagon Alley and are outside the Leaky Cauldron. “But, unfortunately, I have to return to the castle and give this parcel to Dumbledore.” Harry nods as if he’d expected something along these lines. You frown. Despite your short time with the boy, you feel rather uneasy with the thought of leaving him to his neglectful relatives for the duration of the summer. You suppose you don’t exactly have a choice, though. If only there were something you could do for him… 

“I’m willing to bet those relatives of yours don’t know anything about magic,” you start. “So, they won’t know that underage magic is prohibited. I’m not encouraging you to perform any underage magic, but a gentle reminder of the fact that you can cast spells will probably be enough to prevent them from…  bothering you.” You nearly slip up and say “harm” at the end there, but you manage to save yourself. 

“Also, now that you have an owl…” You continue, “You’ll be able to send people letters. If you’d like, you can send me a few.”

“I’d like that,” Harry smiles. 

“Great,” You summon a piece of parchment and quill, before quickly scrawling out your address. “Just send Hedwig here. I have an owl too, so you can expect a timely response.” Harry nods and pockets the piece of parchment. “Now, let’s get you back to your relatives.” You hold out an arm and Harry takes it. 

Moments later, the two of you are standing on the sidewalk leading up to Number Four Privet Drive. Harry wobbles on his feet for a second before righting himself. You watch as Harry stands on the sidewalk, evidently not thrilled to be returning to his relatives. You can’t say you’re thrilled for him, either.

“Well, here we are,” you announce. You take a deep breath, wondering why you feel guilty for leaving the boy with his relatives. “I’ll see you soon, Harry. Enjoy the rest of your summer!” 

“Thank you,” Harry responds with a small smile. You hold your wand up and wink at him. His hand moves to his pocket and the smile on his face widens. You decide to wait on the sidewalk as Harry paces up to the front door and rings the doorbell. For a long moment, you’re convinced that his relatives won’t let him into the house. Eventually, his aunt steps forward and quickly ushers him into the house, glancing to the side as if making sure no neighbors are watching. Her eyes meet yours and she bristles, quickly shutting the door behind her. You grit your teeth and stare at the house for a moment, before shaking your head and Apparating to the Hogwarts grounds.

endnotes: I can't believe I'm finally posting this!! My 71 page google docs draft is very thankful.

Despite that ^ I am not going to have any kind of update schedule. I'll post whenever I feel I've completed a chapter. No promises on when or how that will manifest.

I initially wanted to write Harry to be Sorted into Slytherin, but then I realized that would deviate too much and just end up making a whole murky mess of the timeline I already created. So... yeah.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! I'm really looking forward to digging into this story. Mwhahahahahha.... AHHAAH... Whew, sorry. Had to get that out.

©2025, @defectivevillain | @defectivehero, All Rights Reserved. Reblogs are greatly appreciated—just don't steal or share outside of Tumblr, please.

thanks for reading! <3

check out my other works, sorted by fandom.

general taglist: @its-ares @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @kingkoku @the-ultimate-librarian @gayaristocrat @always-lying-to-you @moss4ev3r

friendly reminder that i don't give permission for my writing to be shared to other sites, stolen, copied, translated, or used in any way. thanks!

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

@stackslip's requests:

Noah dancing with her boys⤴️

CoS!Scar and Ed bitching affectionately⤴️ (with and without background)

And most importantly, smug Lyra-Dante⤴️

Debated sharing these only after I finally render them, but seeing as that's a bonus outside of the request itself (and I'm going to take a small break from working on these drawings anyway) I might as well share the lineart itself.

[Me babbling about the process after the cut]:

Noah dancing with her boys: I love these three but holy shit this req in particular drove me mad. So many versions, scrapped. So many ideas, attempted, disdained, and scrapped. So many redos because at one point I swear I forgot how to draw. I may be happy with the final result for the lineart now, but I fear that if I look at this one for too long the errors may finally sink in and ruin everything. Can you believe I almost turned this into a triptych? With a background of people dancing in either a bar or a camp of travellers? I had to restrain myself because then it'd be another month of me floundering pathetically. Maybe someday tho... The one thing I'm totally satisfied with is Noah's expression. I wanted her to be truly lost in joy as she shares a dance with the Elrics.

CoS!Scar and Ed bitching affectionately: Did I capture "bitching affectionately"? Unsure, but this one was fun. Originally I was going to have them squabbling more animatedly while CoS!Scar worked on maintenance for the caravan, but that overcomplicated things. When I settled for a bar instead it just clicked. So much so, in fact, that I went and drew the entire background that no one asked for. I would love to sharpen the details in said background a bit, but that might be better left to the render rather than drawing everything in the lineart. I hope the emoji'd speech bubble order makes sense? I opted to symbolize their bickering rather than write any dialogue because I doubted I could come up with anything enjoyable or relevant, and the emojis work to communicate a general feel for their disagreement. Having the drawing sans speech bubbles could have worked, but I felt the edges of my skill level falter at properly conveying that an affectionate bitching was taking place strictly through their faces, pose, and backdrop. So. Yeah.

Smug Lyra-Dante: This one was unsurprisingly an easy one to hash out. She was a great pallette cleanser inbetween smashing my head into a wall with the dancing Noah drawing and the detailing for the bickering piece. I was going to settle for having her standing aimlessly in the void, but something about having her perched on her knees called out to me, contrasted with her looking down on us all the same. Then I fucked around and added some 3rd rate Symbolism® with the spinal column, the alchemy rosary, the rearranged Grand Arcanum on the void-floor, and the blood extracted into the little Philosopher's Stone. I do want to tighten up the Arcanum and make it less jumbled, and have the halo around the Stone look tighter, but this will do for now.

[anetrazduckwalk]

BE QUIET - SEVIKA

Modern AU

Badly written smut lol

MEN DNI

Sevika and I were in our room getting ready for the club, the gang are going to some club, so were all busy with ourselves. I'm really focusing on me and getting what i need to get done, but Sevika’s huffing and puffing about the littlest of things and Rans' is not here to listen to it. My makeup is done, my outfit is picked out, and i'm doing my hair at the moment when Sevika brings her B.S. in the bathroom. This Bitch..

Sevika starts putting on her eyeliner and shes not even just doing it mad silently, she's slamming down her stuff and side eyeing me like i'm the one that she was mad at.

"Sevika, what the fuck is your problem?" I asked her straight up because this attitude wasn't gonna cut it today, and i was feeling bold today. Instantly regretted that real quick, the glare Sevika sent me through the mirror almost burnt a hole through my soul and i quickly broke eye contact. "I don't know if you’re just stupid or have a death wish, Y/N, say it again real slow this time,"

Well shit, today's the day i die. I looked back up at her through the mirror and saw she was still looking at me, but now ready to snatch me up. My gaze shifted to her actual figure and not just an image of her reflection, taking in every detail about her, I felt bad for snapping. This was my fiancée and i sitting here, yelling, getting frustrated with her, instead of comforting and understanding where shes coming from.

"Im sorry, I didn't meant to snap at you, it's been a rough day." Only thing left to do was apologize when i realized my wrongs.. WRONG. Now she doesn't look like she wants to kill me, instead shes moving closer to me and she pressed me against the bathroom sink. Sevika was about to say something before Lock knocked on the room door, Sevika huffed and looked down at me, "This only just made it ten times worse for you." That scared me a little bit more than I think she intended, Sevika walked out of the bathroom and went to go answer the door, meanwhile I tried to finish my hair while quite literally freaking out over what i had just gotten myself into.

This could've just been a fun lit night and my dumbass is gonna start something, something I cant even really handle because what I look like fighting my fiancé. Lock and Sevika are now in the room talking about outfits and what Silco’s game plane is for the night. Took me about twenty minutes to finishes my hair, walking out of the bathroom, I grabbed my outfit laying on the bed. Lock bald ass not even really paying attention and is busy talking about Deckard, when i turn around to go back and change in the bathroom, Sevika lets her hand linger on my hip and butt for as long as I was close to her.

Sevika POV

Were in the van on our way to the club and Ran is on my right talking to me about how this experience feels for her, Y/N is on my left and for a moment I forgot about how annoyed I was at her because of how good she looked. My baby knows how to dress, if we weren't fighting i would've dressed my babygirl myself. Y/N is like a little doll I can spoil and look at.

She's all quiet to herself and in her phone, I see the long face bitch Thieram staring at her, and I'm trying to figure out if he is looking for a problem. It seems like I keep getting cut off from my thoughts because Ran asked me something about the club and distracted me. I forgot about it Thieram after that but if he still needs that he cant get that.

We pull up to the club and we make it inside. Every body is dancing to the songs and vibing, some top single booming in the speakers, i didn't care for any of the top new music. So i stood of to the side vibing, until I noticed Y/N’s friendly ass made her way by Thieram and Lock, this girl just knows how to get under my skin. Im used to being treated like her god and i'm not going for this today,

"Y/N."

I didn't scream her name, but i did yell it over the music, so she could bring her ass back where she belongs. Y/N quickly turning around and makes her way to my side, immediately slinging her arm around my waist and resting her head on my chest, looking up at me. Her soft eyes melted my heart a little and I couldn't help but play with her hair and scratch her scalp a little. "If you were this cute all the time, I wouldn't have to F*ck you up," Y/N giggled and kissing my cheek, "I try to be, but you're always so mean to me" She whispered in my ear then pulled back and pouted at me, we had only been there for an hour and it seemed like she was drunk.

Y/N POV

Y'all, Im fucked up. Soon as we got there I started taking all these shots and now it's getting harder and harder to resist Sevika. She's talking to me about how she doesn't like being mean to me but i'm not hearing none of it, the liquor got her looking so damn good. When she's talking I think she realized I wasn't listening when i was just staring at her, while biting my lip.

"Sevika.."

I breathily moaned in her ear, becoming briefly unaware of our surroundings, she started to kiss down my neck and behind my ear. Its baddie baddie shot o'clock, but i'm really not trying to hear all that, we move further to the back of the club, while the gang takes shots. "Be quiet for me tonight, mkay?" Sevika said before resuming what we were previously doing.

Sevika POV

I'm behind Y/N as we're making our way up the stairs to our room, as soon as she pushes the door open and i'm in behind her, the door is shut and locked. When i turn back around from locking it, shes standing at the dresser taking off her jewelry. This makes me go and stand behind her, kissing her shoulder as I slide off her outfit with haste. As soon as she's stripped to nothing, my hand snakes down between her thighs and i slip two fingers into her, "Oh wow, they just went right in, how long have you been thinking about this? Little whore all wet for me? hm?" I chuckled out as I wasted no time going faster, even though I waited all night for this, the night took forever to end and Im tired.

My hand grips at Y/N hair and pushes her onto the bed, now bent over the bed, dripping on display just for me.

Y/N POV

I feel her fingers enter me again and start at an intense pace, my mouth cannot control itself and and I start moaning out, forgetting I'm in the house with all of these other people just waiting to start trouble. Sevika’s free hand comes up to my mouth and covers it while never stopping her other hand,"What did i say? Be quiet"

Her voice made me whimper into her hand and try to silence my noises better, the pleasure was getting to much. My hand grabbed onto Sevikas hand and squeezed to let her know i was getting closer, she took the hint and started kissing my sweet spot which quickly sent me over the edge and covering her hand in sticky honey. Sevika licked up her hand and as i thought she was going to get stuff to wind down with, all of a sudden I feel a hard tip pressed against me. Sevika was behind me and before I could ever ask anything, she was pushing in and out of me slowly, my hand went to press against her stomach and push her back "Its okay, im gonna be nice and gentle with you."

My eyes closed and my mouth slightly dropped open in pleasure, sweet sounds coming from my mouth before covered by Sevika hand again, not wanting to get us caught by anybody right next door. Suddenly her speed rapidly increased, causing my eyes so open and Sevikas attempt at muffling the sounds was failing by the second. With her forceful and quick strokes, my hand grasped at the sheets quickly approaching my release, then sevika just pulls out and starts taking it off.

“Girl what? what are you doing?”

She about to pmo. Sevika moved up the bed and lays at the head of the bed and pats in between her legs, I crawl my way up between them and become aware of the numbness in certain parts of my body. She grabs me by my hair and kisses me, the kiss is drunk and sloppy. My hands run down her body and settle on her boobs, squeezing them, Sevika had pressed the dildo between my legs and slowly started pushing it in during the kiss. After it was in there for a while, she started at a quick pace while making sure i dont stop from kissing her. My legs were tightly clasped around her arm as she was pushing it in and out, my mind began to melt and a euphoric feeling rushing over me as I came all over the dildo and her hand.

I was exhausted and my eyes were forcing themselves closed. Sevika had joined me back in bed and laid beside me, hadn't even notice she had went to clean up everything. I cuddle into her and she pulled me closer, "when you learn to be quiet, I can treat you like my princess , alright baby?" She scratched up and down my back lightly and it soon started to lull me to sleep. I didn't really respond to her just acknowledged what she said and passed out.

Dont say I never gave yall nothing lol, bout to go on another 2 year hiatus

[kings-highway]

Hi King!!! I absolutely adore your fics my dude, I found your trapped in the wilderness fic like a year or two back, forgot about it, and then found your Daichi time travel fic. So you can imagine my delighted surprise when I looked at your ao3 account and found out this was the same author! I was like “0o0, I KNOW YOU!! :D” Suffice to say I love your Haikyuu fics they are an absolute gem to read (Time Enough to Risk it All and Paranormality are my personal faves)

I had a question for you, similar to a previous ask you got about tips on writing? Not general tips mind you, I’m trying to write a Haikyuu fanfic myself starring Oikawa, and I wanted to know if you had any writing tips regarding character writing specifically? Like, in regards to getting into a character’s head and how that influences the POV? I’m probably going to have multiple POVs in different chapters, but I don’t want to run into the old trap of, “These are two separate characters but they sound like the same person” y’know? Also want to make sure I’m avoiding OOC territory, while taking any potential plot developments and how that would change a character into account. And I know you’re good at that, all your interpretations of the Haikyuu cast feel distinct yet true to the characters at their core!

aaaaaaaaaa oh my god thank you so much 😭 I'm very glad you've liked my silly stories so much. I will do my best to provide advice for your question here...

**Keeping Characters In Character - this is VERY fanfic specific!!**

[obv. writing original work requires strong character voice but the question and this response is super focused on characters that you have source material to work with]

1. my immediate first thought, and the thing I default to the most, is **Pay Attention To How Other Characters Talk About Them** yes, its all fine and dandy to go off and say "oh theyve got these secret other side-" because yeah!! they probably do!! everyone is multiple people depending on the circumstance!! but the way other characters talk about them or act around them really will define how your character is behaving, because it shows how they are *choosing* to behave (and what can be seen from the outside) Paying attention to the relative relationships of these characters describing them matter too. Here are examples (all from Haikyuu) of how I do this:

1. Daichi

[in early season 1, when Daichi gets mad at the duo, Suga and Tanaka both start trying to fuck off out of scene in preparation; similarly, both Suga and Tanaka try to hide their secret practice from him.] = People are generally afraid of him, or aware that getting yelled at is on the table, but he's predictable. They both start acting afraid BEFORE he gets angry because they are familiar with his patterns. [Suga and Asahi comment on it feeling weird when he's nice to them, and he snaps at them to say he could be mean instead.] = His casual conversational tone isn't very complimentary. Since we dont see him being overtly mean, I asssume this means he is on the quieter side, probably very reserved, and typically speaks up to correct someone or direct and take control of a conversation. Being overtly nice is seen as a deviation is his conversational habits. [Noya acts very distinctly interested and pleased when he learns Daichi has given him a cool nickname] = People hold a lot of respect for him. Given the previous details, we can assume this is at least in part due to him often withholding such praise, but also we can use it to temper the previous notes. His "meanness" is not coming across as malice, but rather something worth respecting or justified in some way.

Application in Writing: Dialogue should be direct and consistent, use shorter sentences and have him think before he speaks. He finds annoyance and anger easier to express and will likely withhold affectionate conversations from everyone regardless of closeness of friendship level. While he comes across mean, he is not insulting, belittling or cruel, and since people have significant respect for him, he likely avoids situations that would make him look foolish, and will probably be the last to join in on the fun.

QUICKER EXAMPLES:

2. Suga [Every character describes Suga as nice and kind, there is no "bad review" of him.] = No matter his opinion of someone, Suga will use kind, gentle language with them and avoid giving them a reason to dislike him.

3. Oikawa [Iwaizumi, in voice over, says something to the effect of: "despite how he might seem, Oikawa is actually a pretty goofy guy."] = While not given the opportunity often, Oikawa is playful, unserious and silly - the word "goofy" is important to note. Its not funny. Comedians are funny. Dogs with long floopy ears are "goofy" - However he either intentionally or unintentionally chooses not to behave this way often. Either way, he has distinct "sides" to him that can be identified. However, his natural state is far more goofy than we give him credit for, so he will likely be the first to crack jokes, laugh at dumb things, or general want to lighten the mood. He doesnt like things to be gloomy and may actively resist that kind of conversation or situation.

4. Leon calling Ushijima a "super volleyball idiot" says way more about his behaviour off the court than anything Ushijima ever did. Oikawa and Kageyama and Hinata and Atsumu get to be monsters but no, Leon says its the term "we" are most "satisfied with". Did they pitch other names? They do not take Ushijima seriously at all. So his terrifying persona is probably very superficial. None of the team has ever had an actually bad experience with him, and he is very consistent in his likes and desires: probably doesnt have a (conversationally) confrontational bone in his body. "We could call him a monster but nah, he's too fucking weird for that." Like what more of a character study do you need!! Leon STOP.

This is dragging on longer than I want it to. I apologize. I could have more to say on the matter but to sum it up quick:

People, humans, are multifaceted, but ultimately are most defined by how they are remembered, and how they choose to present themselves to the world. This is will affect that "voice" that you're worried about sounding the same. Ultimately, all your characters will be the same. Everyone is insecure, everyone wants to be seen as attractive, everyone things theyre not good enough, everyone worries their lover will grow tired of them, everyone thinks they are the only person to have ever felt that way. The change, that voice, is how they want everyone else to look at them.

Using the previous notes, we can answer the question: "Oh my god, You look really good today!!" 4 ways. Internally, they're all very happy to receive a compliment because they wore a new shirt and they weren't sure it looked good. Externally...

Daichi: "Oh. Thank you."

Suga: "Ohh, Thank you! That's so sweet of you to say."

Oikawa: "I look really good today? Did I not yesterday? Ah, just messing with you - I know I looked good yesterday."

Ushijima: "I do? Good."

LAST TANGENT:

if you are NATIVE ENGLISH and youre writing fanfiction for NON-ENGLISH SHOW. IDC if youre a subtitles purist, WATCH IT IN ENGLISH. being able to (in your native language) use the characters voice in your head to read dialogue makes a world of difference. I DONT CARE if you can head Sugas Japanese VA perfectly - UNLESS YOU SPEAK JAPANESE IT WONT HELP.

Whenever I'm struggling with writing Sugawara, or a l think he's OOC, I just mentally replay the soundbite from the dub of him going "Good Grief!" like a goddamn oeanuts character and then its like "oh yeah. he's back. i know how to write him now."

I have a few of these little soundbite grounding things for some of them. Its REALLY helpful to be able hear the characters voices saying the lines (sorry if youre deaf..) and if you CANT (and you normally can) then maybe the dialogue is ooc.

WAIT ONE MORE TANGENT:

"King, you've only talked about dialogue??? what about-" Dialogue controls actions!!! if you can get a characters conversational tone and linguistic habits down, you'll have NO ISSUES keeping their physical habits in check.

thus concludes another advice corner. i am working on the other questions atm but i have limited time and cannot do more than 1 after work without my brain melting so :)

thanks for reading :) happy writing

xx

[vampziry]

some things i’ve manifested using the law of assumption —note that i’ve been using it to manifest for years, i was around 8 or 9, so it’s a lot—

1- when i was 8, i remember leaving the church and going home. i really wanted to go to the mall that day because it was almost xmas eve and there’s a lot of activities in my country, i also wanted to see the big xmas tree by the electric stairs. i remember that i affirmed everyday only one affirmation, i didn’t pay attention but lately i realized that ive always been living in the end and didnt realize because my affirmation stated the desire already fulfilled. i affirmed the whole day, i even went to the backyard and looked at the sky as if i was talking with god or something similar. i started affirming around 11 am and by 5 pm my mom was getting ready and i asked her “where are you going?” and she literally told me: i received your school grades, they are all good for me so im taking you to the mall. i lived happily the whole week because i thought that was my first encounter with god or something 😂😂

2- this was in my freshman or sophomore year, i really cant remember the time really well in this one but i do remember that my friend and i had fought and i was really scared because he ignored me everyday and we used to be really close so i reminded my subconscious everyday for like 3 days straight that they were not mad, they were just dealing with stuff or busy (yeah the gaslighting 😘😘) and nah, by day 4 he talked to me again and everything was back to normal like nothing happened.

3- food. yes, the thing i manifest the most is food because i adore eating. i used to live with the assumption: my mom is bringing me chocolate/cheesecake or pizza from work today. EVERY WEEK. and it would happen, i got used to it and stopped assuming random things that had to do with food.

i cant remember any other one, dementia patient right here 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

as for my recent ones, ive got a bunch. im a very anxious person and tbh manifesting before was way easier than now. the pressure is killing me but i still managed to manifest stuff from 2021 to this day.

1- a boyfriend. yes, i manifested a boyfriend around april 2021. i didnt go into detail but he had everything i was looking for + he was amazing (at first ofc), he later changed and i had to start attending to therapy sessions cause i got diagnosed and im still traumatized. i forgot to script the loyalty part… so yeah he definitely did cheat and gaslit me. but he made me feel amazing while it lasted. we broke up around 2 months ago and we had 2 years together. i didnt manifest the break up, he did. which is good. the universe sent me signs cause days later after the break up i found out messages and stuff of him cheating the same week of the break up.

2- i manifested for my attachment to go away. note: im the type of person to get attached emotionally to people, i was emotionally depending on my ex, so as soon as we broke up i had a dream where somebody told me to just go out the day after and spoil myself. buy whatever i want and spend some money cause i was working so hard to buy the flight to go and see him. 4 days later when i found out he was with another person i cried in my way to work and i was feeling so well that day that i literally did my hair and makeup but it got smudged :(( but that was the last and first time i cried over him after everything was over. next day i woke up feeling positive and i suddenly let everything go. bad people eventually get what they deserve in life so i just got over it and im not attached to him or the old story anymore!!

3- i manifested new friends plus i contacted my old friends back. most of them were in bad terms with me cause i blocked them out of nowhere because of my ex, everything was so messed up but they forgave me and they are very good friends after all, they text me and hype me up every day so i cannot be more grateful :D

4- i manifested my sp :D after these 2 months i thought to myself: if that person could move on, you can too. so i did, although my sp and me are not fully prepared for a relationship rn, we’re both aware of our mutual attraction and promised to give us time until we were both fully healed 🫶🏻

5- MONEYYYYYY. yeah it sounds like im too ambitious when it comes to money but im soooo silly. i spend everything i get plus i need to pay for my own stuff at school. i dont like bothering my parents with my expenses —even though they are supposed to provide for me but i feel like a problem when i do that so—, i manifested money like 4 times this year??? first, my parents never give me more than 100 for my birthday and all of a sudden they gave me 500$??? i even posted about it my happiness was out of the roof. i went to the cinema w my friends to watch an anime movie that got released on my birthday yayayaya. later, i started working and got like 1,200 in the summertime and now i manifested more money this week TO SAVE. i literally by assuming got into the void and manifested a bag full of money. i wont stfu about it IM AMBITIOUS in a good way with money, i need to move out and start building my future (bro im still 17 😔)

6- clothes and makeup. uMmm im not a fan of makeup tbh buttttt i wanted to have some in case one day i decide to put some on, my skin has always been clear and pretty, my lashes are super long and my eyebrows are really thick so i only worry about doing a perfect lip combo. i got a box and 2 bags full of makeup <3 especially makeup of my favorite brands 😙😙😙 i also was able to buy clothes online very similar to the ones that i had on my pinterest boards ^^ but i kinda forgot to buy shoes.. BFFR 😭😭😭 ive been repeating the same 5 shoes, but im gonna buy some new ones soon!!

7- colognes and jewelry 😘😘😘😘😘 yes, im a fan of these too!! my dad gave me a box full of earrings and rings. but not any kind of earrings, LONG AND BIG EARRINGS W UNUSUAL DESIGNS just how i like them. and some cute rings w rabbit, figures, etc. the colognes smell really well!! i got the nicki minaj perfume in all versions, dior colognes and a box with like 8 different types of victoria’s sprays 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

8- a good school year. its only been a month but ive made friends and i find a lot of people WHO SUDDENLY KNOW ME, waving at me in the hallways and im like OH YEAH HI even tho idk who they are?? it feels so goodddddd i feel like an it girl omg 😭😭😭 and also my grades are MAGNIFIC, i got accepted in our honors program and im currently a staff cadet in our military program I DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACQUIRE A HIGH RANK HERE BUT I DID ITTTT I DID ITTTT IM LEADING :D

yeah i cant remember more but thats all i’ve accomplished so far, see u dont need the void to fucking manifest 🥱🥱🥱🥱 gurllll-

[writingpromptsworld]

Prompt #56

When villain broke into the hero’s agency, they didn’t expect to see their posters hanging on every wall of the hero’s office. Pictures from years ago, little drawings lay around on their desk, scraps of their clothes held in a frame like some kind of precious diamonds. It was ridiculous.

They knew to some extent that they and the hero had something between them. A strong pull, a powerful desire, holding them both together. Attached to each other like a delicate string. But what they hadn’t expected was this. This obsession. This mad, crazy obsession that they could feel radiating off the hero’s entire office. It was like the place held every part of the villain. From the smallest detail to the biggest one. They felt a kind of unease, perturbed.

They looked around through all the memories from the little objects splayed everywhere. From the newspapers that displayed their headshots to their over-the-years changing costumes. Everything was so admirable and terrifying at the same time.

There was a clicking of a door opening, and the villain froze in mid air, whilst they were holding up a ring that they remember losing the last time they had fought, which was months ago. They couldn’t believe how long it had been since they had seen the hero.

“Oh, look who’s here.” The hero chuckled, locking the door behind them and coming forward to where the villain was standing, their hands now putting down the ring back on the table.

“I was wondering where my ring went. So, it was here. You’re such a dirty little thief, aren’t you.” The villain murmured, leaning back on the said table. The hero raised their eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t call myself that. I saved it from the cliff where we were fighting and thought to give it back to you after, but unfortunately forgot.” The hero explained themself, as they crossed their hands in front of their chest before uncrossing them again and strolling to where the ring was placed. They picked it up and examined it carefully.

The villain scoffed. “So, you’re a liar too.”

“How so?” The hero asked, not taking their eyes off the ring.

“You’ve been collecting all these things of me like a psychopath. And, I’m supposed to be the crazy one here?” The villain rolled their eyes, moving their hand to take the ring back from the hero. But the hero just snatched it away, frowning.

“I haven’t been “collecting” them. I’ve been merely storing them for you.”

“Oh yeah? Sure. That’s what people say when they are caught, hero.” The villain muttered, moving their feet to the suit they used to wear two years ago. How did the hero even find that?

“Hmmm. No comment”. The hero replied, putting down the ring and coming to stand by the villain.

“Where did you find this suit?” The villain questioned, turning their head to the side to look the hero in their eyes.

“It was in your closet, I found it thrown on the floor like some garbage. I couldn’t believe it. It was and is my favorite costume that I liked the most on you. I had to take it in.” The hero went on, staring at the villain back. A blush adorned their cheeks.

The villain’s eyebrows arched. “You liked it on me the best?”

The hero nodded hesitantly.

“Huh. Interesting. What about those drawings? Are you gonna say you were bored and thought of sketching me, your enemy, to get rid of that boredom?” The villain dared, their body now facing the hero as they stared them down with an intensity in their eyes.

The hero shook their head, and looked down. Not able to hide how flustered they were. “No, no. It definitely wasn’t out of…boredom, so to say. I like drawing, and-and you have an attractive face that I could use as a reference.” They gulped.

The villain smirked. “Do I now? Do you really think I’m attractive, hero?”

The hero’s eyes widened as they lifted their head. “You know, for a well-known person like you; I didn’t think you would be such a hideous thing.” The villain continued, amused.

“I’m not a thing.” The hero said, simply. Their blush deepening, as they tried to move away from the villain. The villain grabbed their wrist and pulled them back. The hero hissed, the grip was tight. Perhaps a little too tight and the villain knew it, because they smiled a little before tutoring their head.

“You don’t care that I called you hideous, but that I called you a thing? Tch.” The villain snorted in what felt like a very disappointed manner to the hero.

The hero swallowed, as they tried again to snatch their wrist away but the villain’s hold on them was too strong. They felt weak, just like how they have been feeling for the past few weeks, thinking of the villain. They couldn’t stop thinking about them, it was like a musical record playing on repeat for hours on ends. It felt undefinable. They felt defeated. The force of the feelings that they had for the villain nearly crushing them.

The villain tugged them closer and brought their face closer to the hero's face and smirked. "Does someone have a little crush on me?"

The hero faltered. "W-what? No."

"You're red as a tomato. What else am I supposed to make of it if not the fact that you're clearly blushing?" The villain wondered, their unoccupied hand moving to the hero's face to brush back a strand of hair from their eyes. The hero flinched at the action, taking a step back even though they wished so hard to let the villain continue, this was no time to get lose in their feelings.

"I am not blushing. You should get your eyes checked." With that, they turned around and broke the moment. The villain raised their eyebrows but said nothing and soon enough, left.

The hero sighed.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for slowly trying to drop my friend at a bad time?

the title may make me sound like. not a good person but. hear me out

okay so. i was friends with this person (lets call them R) for a few years. at the beginning it was fine, and i loved hanging out with R! but then, they got less. cool i guess? they were overly emotional, waay too "mature" for their age, and too comfortable sharing unnecessary details about themself. some examples are crying over not riding a horse, having certain. items shipped to my house, and they would tell me about all these adult men they were messaging (i forgot to mention this, but were both minors). R was also just very draining to be around, as they would fake mental disorders and change their name constantly, and then vent to me all the time, like when their mom couldnt keep up with the different names, and like when they messed up something when they trained for their sport. R has also physically harmed me before, such as when they choked me during a DnD game.

after about two, three? years of this i had finally had enough. while i was trying to figure out the best way to stop talking to them, R had to be sent to a mental hospital. this may make me sound like a jerk, but i thought that this might be my best chance at dropping them. while they were gone, i had found a better friend group, and felt way better about myself.

after a couple weeks, R messaged me and told me that they were going to be coming back soon, and if they could sit with me during lunch. i said something along the lines of "oh, sorry, our table is full". R then proceeded to ask why i hadnt talked to them over the summer, and i simply said that i had been super busy (not a lie, this was around the beginning of the school year), and i wasnt sure if phones were allowed in the hospital (also not a lie, as ive never been and wasnt sure). R got extremely mad at me, and said something like "oh, so you were able to hang out with your new friends, but not me? just say you dont want to be friends with me." and then blocked me. i thought they probably didnt want to hear from me, so i didnt try to reach out on any other social media.

after this, R came back to school, and was sitting at the table across from mine, and would shoot me dirty looks. eventually, i stopped seeing them around school, and learned that R had transferred schools. a bit after that, i was talking to a friend that goes to the other school, and learned that word had spread about R, and that they werent making any friends at the second school.

ive always felt slightly guilty, as i didnt mean to make them loose all their friends and transfer schools, so AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[keyboard-mang0]

Prologue Part 2

Letters from Inazuma

Genshin x Fem! Reader

Notes: I've had this ready for like... two weeks and just forgot about it.

Words: 2,763

The Cavalry captain has not seen the letters Y/n had sent nearly as often as he heard his brother talk about them. A continuous tirade of the Ragnvindr picking apart every tiny detail till he was nearly going mad.

Not that Kaeya could blame him. After Diluc had first taken Y/n in, she somehow managed to force reconciliation between the two brothers. Due in no small part to Lisa telling her that Kaeya was actually her uncle. A scheme only pushed further forward by Y/n roping Jean and seemingly half of the Knights of Favonius with her into helping.

But here and now, Kaeya can only share in Diluc's worry for his niece. And lurk over every word her letters share with them. Sharing every bit of information he can gather with his brother, whether it be about Y/n's tasks as an adventurer, or about the people she's come to associate with.

So after an entire six months of waiting since the last letter. When the next arrives while the pair share their latest findings, both are eager to learn of Y/n's whereabouts.

←→

Dear Father.

Against all odds, I made it!

I signed on for Captain Beidou's fighting contest, apparently it was being held for just people without visions. And the Traveler apparently cheated badly enough to specifically not be allowed to join again. The fights were hard, and I saw many fighting styles I wasn't familiar with in that ring. It was incredible, and though I lost and left with more than a few cuts and bruises. I did manage to talk to the Captain about my journey, and she said I could work on her ship to get to Inazuma!

So now, I am in Inazuma, with some new scars and a new appreciation for people who can withstand sailing half as much as Captain Beidou's crew does!

What a fascinating land Inazuma has already proven itself to be. Luckily the restrictions on foreigners traveling outside of the port town of Ritou has become much more lax since the Traveler came and went. So while I did have to endure the pains of paper work on bureaucracy, I've been allowed to more or less wander freely.

I've not been here long, but there have already been so many adventurers guild commissions. So yet again, I find myself keeping quite busy in this new land, renting rooms from various inns as I travel. Even with their civil war ended, there's plenty of trouble for an adventurer to get asked to solve.

Though even outside of commissions, trouble still finds me anyway. Most significant is I somehow luckily managed to dodge arrest. Ok maybe that's not completely true, I got arrested, but wasn't actually charged with anything.

While between commissions, I quite literally bumped into a new friend. His name is Itto… or perhaps it's Arataki? I'm still learning the Inazuma customs for introducing oneself. Anyway, he is quite a character, talking up himself and his friends that he refers to as his gang. All while being rather impeccably friendly, if loud, very very loud.

Somehow what was just me bumping into him turned into him showing me some kind of beetle fighting game. Which somehow turned into him and his gang inviting me to get food with them. Which somehow turned into getting roped into helping them with the odd jobs they were hired for. I'm not completely sure how it turned into that, but it was a good time with good company, so how could I complain?

The trouble came during the odd jobs, I'm not entirely sure what we were doing, but in the middle of it a woman's voice started shouting. I didn't think much of it, but Itto and the gang all froze immediately. Apparently my ignoring the shouting woman was the wrong thing to do. As it then quickly escalated, and in my panic about the woman who Itto called Kujou Tengu, I tried to run. Didn't make it far.

And so we all ended up in jail. Which sucked, but strangely Itto didn't seem that bothered by it. The reason why came in the form of Shinobu, the deputy leader of the Arataki gang. Who somehow managed to talk to Kujou Tengu about releasing us, and was successful enough that we were let out with essentially no trouble. Though I'm still deciding whether or not I should have found it a surprise that many of the guards seemed to be more than a little familiar with Itto and the gang.

Shinobu and I ended up getting along quite well, even if we started off on me accidentally getting all of her friends arrested. When I told her and the others about my journey, she seemed to understand. It was rather nice to talk to someone who could understand the want to find your own path, and choose your life without being directed by anyone else.

If only you could have been so supportive.

Since that fiasco, I've found myself somewhat regularly spending time between commissions with the Arataki gang. Despite them calling themselves a gang, I don't think I've seen any of them commit any kind of crimes. They just sort of stick together, taking on each day as a group rather than leaving each other alone. It seems like a pretty nice way to live.

I hope that this friendship I've made with them all will last beyond my time here in Inazuma. I have no idea when or why I might come back, but if I ever do, there won't even be a question of whether or not I try to track them all down again.

It sort of makes me miss the adventures I went on with Amber and Noelle. I hope they're both still doing well. Please pass my regards to them both if you can. And everyone else while you're at it. Think of it as a new way I'm trying to continue dragging you away from work to go see and talk to people.

You shut yourself away too much, Father.

Sincerely,

Y/n Ragnvindr.

←→

Even if he had cared to hold back his laughter, Kaeya would have been unable. All too amused at his niece's run-ins with foreign law enforcement. Seeing no particular reason to worry since the situation had been resolved. 

His brother however was less enthused. Diluc glared down at the letter as if his glare could send his lecturing directly to his daughter. The slight frown tugging at his features only further shows his distaste. Whether it be in Y/n, her friends, or Inazuman law, is hard to tell.

An exasperated sigh escapes the cavalry captain, his steps bringing him to his brother's side to drop a comforting hand on the red head's shoulder. “Hey, this is all a good thing. She's living her life how she wants, making friends that sound like they have her back.”

“But think of the dangers-” Dliuc starts.

Kaeya covers Diluc's mouth with his hand, “that you, me, and Jean have all taught her how to handle. Even without a vision, that girl is skilled with a sword.”

Kaeya removes his hand to settle back into his seat, “she is doing well, be proud of her for that.”

And this time, Diluc tried to let go of his worry for just a moment, because his little Y/n is doing so well. Even without him to help her.

<>

Just over eight months pass before Y/n's next letter arrives. Delivered at the hands of Mondstadt's outrider guiding a feline woman through the city streets. A small package delicately clutched in the Inazuman's hands.

“So remind me who you're delivering to?” Amber chatters, all but skipping along the cobbled road.

“Ms Ragnvindr has paid for careful shipping to a Mr Diluc Ragnvindr. And we at the Komaniya Express guaranteed safe delivery!” matching Amber's pace and tone, Kirara's steady hold on the small parcel does not shift with her movements.

The brunette's eyes widen from excitement “oh, a package from Y/n!?”

“Do you know her?” The nekomata questions, her ears flicking as Amber suddenly pivots nearly entirely around to change which direction they move towards.

“Oh yea, Diluc is her dad. I think he had a shift at Angel's Share today, he'll be so happy to hear about how she's been!” Amber's cheerful tone only builds up more as she speaks. Before long the familiar sight of the tavern she's had to drag Kaeya and Eula away from greets her.

Without any hesitation the outrider swings the door open and pokes her head in, just to make immediate eye contact with Diluc. “Oh good, you are here.” She states simply before throwing wide the entry to allow Kirara room to pass.

Business first, Kirara marches up to the red headed man, eye contact unwavering, “are you Diluc Ragnvindr?”

A slightly bewildered nod from the man and the cat woman straightens her posture, “I work for Komaniya Express, a courier service in Inazuma! You may call me Kirara.” She delicately places the parcel on the bar top. “Ms Ragnvindr hired me to deliver this to you, sir.” She reaches into a side pouch hanging from her belt. “And this letter to go with it!”

“I see, thank you for this.” Diluc mutters, delicately holding the letter up to attempt to inspect under the lamp light.

“I will be in the city for a day or so before returning, if there is anything you would like for me to deliver back to her.” Kirara announces before promptly turning on her paws and leaving the bar.

Glittering eyes stare a hole into Diluc's head, “Well go on, and read it!” Amber goads, broad smile taking over her features.

Red eyes scan over the bar, this early in the day few patrons make an appearance. No one to disrupt him. A short hum and the soft sound of a tearing envelope, Diluc's gaze drifts over the hand writing he's come to be so painfully familiar with.

←→

Dear Father.

How do I express how much has happened in these months since my last letter? Inazuma is a beautiful nation, and every time I feel I've beheld the most amazing sight it has to offer, I find something even better waiting on another one of the islands.

Of course like anywhere else it has its own dangers. Just last week I chanced upon a group of bandits preying on an old man walking the road alone. I simply could not stand by, so I went to defend him, and these bandits were far more capable than I'd faced before in Mondstadt or Liyue. The way one of them coated his sword in electro energy was rather terrifying. Every day I find new reasons to wish I had a vision of my own.

In the end I did win with rather minimal injury, just some scraps and light burns, but my sword was broken by the electro wielding bandit. The blade shattered and it took me almost an hour crawling around in the grass to find all the shards of it. But as it turns out, the old man is a swordsmith, and he was so grateful for me protecting him that he offered to repair my sword for me.

He led me back to his workshop in Inazuma City, and after taking the shards of my sword told me to return in a few days. So with time to spare and no way to take on commissions, I found myself playing tourist even more than I had before. Wandering the streets and trying out various food carts and restaurants.

During this time I encountered someone who I might call even stranger to interact with then even the Arattaki gang. You see there was a food cart that sold the most delightful sweet treats called dango! So one of the evenings while waiting for my sword I returned to that cart. The man seemed eager to close up and go home, so when I arrived I bought the last two skewers of dango he had.

The problem arose just after I had given him the mora for the treats. As I was about to leave the man suddenly looked very afraid while looking at something behind me. When I turned I came face to face with a woman dressed in ornate purple clothes. She was eyeing the empty tray of dango on the cart as if it had insulted her. As I turned her glare turned to the skewers in my hand, but she didn't say anything, just continued to stare.

I didn't know what to do, so I panicked a bit and offered to share with her. Almost immediately she seemed to visibly perk up and brighten. Which led to me and the strange woman sitting on a bench by the side of the road and sharing dango skewers. Anyone who passed us by seemed to throw me strange looks, and she hardly said so much as a word to me. 

But all in all, it was a rather pleasant evening. By the time the dango was gone a second strange woman with pink hair and what appeared to be fox ears arrived. She looked at me in a similar way that Uncle Kaeya would when he thinks he's being funny. The first strange woman just quietly stood and left upon the pink woman's arrival, while the pink woman wished me a good night and left with her.

Inazuma is such a strange place, but perhaps that is just my own lacking knowledge of the nation's culture. I wish I had more time to learn about it all, but the Alcor will be returning soon, and when it does I'll be making my way on towards Sumeru.

I wonder if I'll meet any old schoolmates of Miss Lisa's.

Also, I'm going to send this with a handful of pressed flowers I've found while wandering. As well as a recipe for the dango, and ingredients for a few servings. I have no doubt that Adelinde will be more than capable of making it perfectly so everyone at home can try them. Think of it like a little treat we're sharing together, even if I'm far away.

Sincerely,

Y/n Ragnvindr.

←→

Diluc ended up leaving the Angel's Share soon after receiving the letter. Not even waiting for his shift replacement to arrive before he was strolling through the gates of Mondstadt. The package tucked under his arm, and mind racing at who the women described in the letter were to seem so strange.

Still lacking a conclusion as he enters his manor. No matter how many times he walks through that door, he cannot help but notice the lack of noise his child made.

“Adelinde.” Diluc calls out, the maid in question looking up from her task at her name being called.

“Yes, Master Diluc?” 

The package Y/n had sent is placed into her hands “There's a recipe and ingredients inside, please make two servings and meet me in my office.”

Turning and walking up the steps of his home, Diluc does not wait to see Adelinde move to the kitchen. Nor does he track how long he spends staring into his fireplace as he waits.

His information base in Inazuma is lacking, nor did he maintain contact with his old informants in the country after the nation was closed off. “Perhaps Kaeya will have a better chance at knowing who they are?” He mutters aloud.

“Ah, is Master Kaeya joining you?” Adelinde's voice calls out from the doorway.

Much to his own shame, Diluc flinches, too caught up in his thoughts to notice the maid walking in. “Ah, no, he won't be.” Diluc gestures a hand to the empty seat he pulls beside him in front of the fire. “I thought it would be nice for you to join me here.”

With a soft smile the woman takes her seat beside him, holding a plate out for Diluc to take, delicately holding small different colored doughy balls skewered on wood sticks.

Diluc pulls the new letter from his coat, holding it out for the woman that assisted him through raising Y/n, “Y/n sent another letter.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent there, the pair chatting about the letters, and sharing in the sweet treat.

Wondering how much more lively it would be if Y/n really were there to share in it with them.

[goodluckclove]

Storytime: Holy Shit Going No Contact Was A Really Good Idea, Actually

TW: offhanded mentions for abuse and neglect, general parental bullshit

Okay so people were saying they're down for this so here I go.

A little context for those who don't know: I'm an adult child of pretty severe emotional and psychological abuse, as well as like comical degrees of neglect that I've been making up for over the course of the past year for so. I say "comical" not because it's funny, but because if it was depicted in like a YA novel critics would pan it for being unrealistic. My mom convinced me that doctors don't actually like it when you get checkups and get mad at you for "wasting their time", so I didn't see a doctor for like eight or so years. That's on the low end of how fucked these people are. My parents are both alcoholics and my mom is a diagnosed narcissist (she doesn't know this, but I do because my long-time psychologist was her psychologist first before she decided she was "done with therapy". He told me this after like four years as a part of his attempt to get me to realize I was in a deeply fucked situation, ultimately saving my life in a very literal sense - but that's another story). I'm not saying you can't be both of those things and not be a good person, but I am saying she did not choose to go down that particular path.

I went no contact shortly after I got married to a person who was able to see that my parents were both pretty mean to me most of the time in ways I forced myself to process as humor. They sent like one weird card before we moved and now they don't have my new address or phone number.

Unfortunately I'll still occasionally hear random updates about them - mainly from my older sister, who was the object of my mom's obsessive, manipulative, parent-ifying "love" before she left home at 18 and I became the new Golden Goose. I don't like this. I wish she would stop doing this. I asked her before, but I guess she forgot. Or maybe part of the shell shock from the damage of our childhood is that she just needs to tell someone who would understand in a more primal way than her fiancee. I don't know. She pretty much raised me when I was younger so I guess this is what I'm giving her in return.

A couple of days ago she called me and casually mentioned the latest scrambling my parents are doing. They're moving in with my grandma so she can keep living in the home she raised her family in. They're not kicking out my autistic brother anymore, they're actually bringing him with them. I don't think he has a choice. They're also bringing the family dog they've neglected even worse than they did me, despite how my grandma absolutely insisted she would never want a pet. They're going to turn my kind of run-down childhood home into a rental for extra income. My parents are landlords to be. Cool cool cool.

A lot of this is about money. I have never been comfortable talking about money - probably more so than other people. I never had it explained to me. It wasn't displayed or handled in a way that made sense in my mind. My mom complained and lamented about bills to me all the time but she also had maybe four Prada purses. It didn't make sense.

Something she told me a lot about were the details of my grandmother's will - like, from as young as maybe 16. My grandma is indeterminately wealthy in a way I don't really understand and can barely even guesstimate. She owns her own house, remodeled it, bought my uncle a house, bought my childhood home when my parents almost got kicked out and they paid her the mortgage ever since. She paid for all my siblings (except for me since I dropped out) to go to college. She has an amount of money. I have no idea how much since she's pretty buttoned up - loving, but reserved - which I was told is just a generational thing for some Japanese people. I mean she has the right. She spent like a year or two in a concentration camp as a little girl, she has the fucking right.

But yeah I was told more than a few times that I have a big inheritance for after grandma dies. My mom never told me how much but stressed that it was a lot. I didn't really know why she was telling me this. I actually felt like she shouldn't be telling me this. It made me feel sad and dirty to hear her describe it as something I should be excited for. She also mentioned a lot that I was the only grandchild in the will, and not my three step-siblings that I've known since birth.

Once again - this was NOT something I wanted to know. I had no idea what to do with that information. I tried not to think about it.

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm married and we just bought a house. So before you officially buy a house there's a point where an inspector looks everything over and gives you the details - you know, so you can make an informed decision. The inspection we got for the first house we almost bought informed us that the whole thing was hand-renovated and pretty much fucked to the point where if we bought it we'd have to replace the walls. We didn't buy that house.

The inspector for the second house we loved confirmed it was old. Most of the houses in Portland are old. But it seemed pretty much fine. The only issue was some moss on the roof and a few loose shingles, he said. So we bought it.

Turns out the roof is not good. It's very not good. And we have to replace it before October or else we'll lose our home insurance, and ultimately the home itself. Stressful! I found a pretty knowledgeable roofer and he quotes 14k for the treatment. Add that to the 10k we were already planning on spending on refinancing - a separate financial obstacle course for home owners that Riley was pursuing, since the fiances are their domain - and we were both at a loss as to what to do.

Ultimately I reluctantly decide to see if my grandma would give me part of my inheritance early. Or all of it? I debate how to phrase it for a night. I didnt want to assume how much she was planning on leaving me. I didn't really like to think about how she left specifically me anything in terms of money.

But that didn't end up being an issue! Because when I called my grandma and explained the situation, how we were hit with like three major financial blows back to back and were just hoping to get some aid until things stabilized in a few months, she casually mentioned that I'm actually not in her will. None of the grandkids are!

I immediately stammered out a series of no no nevermind then, but she stopped me and explained how she has a "small emergency fund" for situations like this and asks how much I needed. I say I'm not comfortable with that, but she won't drop the subject. She says the roof is 14k so she'll just give me that. She says 14k won't be a dent in her "small emergency fund". I have absolutely no idea what my grandma's financial situation is.

Did you know if you're given only Goodwill clothes for all of your formative years you're likely to be unable to buy new clothes at even a Target without feeling lost and sick to your stomach? Did you know that if you take Lithium they won't let you sell your blood? Do you know the easiest ways to shoplift food?

I don't think my grandma knows any of that and at this point I don't want to tell her.

I accept the check. I thank her. Riley thanks her. We both cry a lot for a lot of the morning because this is just a lot and it's very confusing. Riley says they've never accepted that amount of money before and would never imagine it coming from a family member. I say my grandma has been doing shit like this for my whole life.

But in the back of my head I'm reeling. I don't consider myself a materialistic person, but I can't help but ask why did my mom lie to me? Why did she lie, and continue to push the lie even when she saw it made me uncomfortable? Why did she bring it up when I'd get mad at my siblings as a way to force me to put aside my feelings?

It's just such a random thing to make up and double down on. Triple down, even. And I understand this whole mess comes from a pretty lucky position - we were able to buy a house and get financial aid to keep the house at a crucial time. That's lucky. We're really lucky. But why the fuck was she keeping up this bit for so long?

She could've never mentioned it and I wouldn't be upset about not being in the will. Frankly I probably wouldn't notice. But holy shit I carried so much stress for years over being the one grandchildren in the will that I had no clue how to navigate. I debated telling my siblings but after all of us were told that we should consider ourselves blood-related, hearing that our own grandmother drew a distinction sounded devastating.

I can't think of a reason why my mom would push a lie this random but so big for so long. It wasn't for me, clearly. I'm not upset that I'm not going to get a fucking jackpot when my grandma dies. I was never really able to wrap my mind around that being a thing. I'm just fucking baffled that my mom was so completely delusional for my whole life and I just followed along for so long.

So long! I was so unbelievably loyal to her despite every attempt she made to drag me into the void. The day before I got married I was telling her over video call that I didn't have a right to be unhappy not working while I recovered from my first major medication shift in years. She said, even though I am the only child of four to pay rent in their own apartment, that I should be grateful for my soon-to-be wife because "without them I'd be homeless".

Fuck that. Fuck that and fuck her. With the stories I have I could ruin my parents in my extended family's eyes forever. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is knowing that it would hurt my Grandma more to know that she wasn't able to step in while it was actually happening. And she's done so much for me and our family that I don't want her to carry that in the end of her life.

It was one lie that really made me realize some things, though. The best thing I ever did for myself was cut contact with my parents. If I didn't cut contact - if I didn't move states - I would almost guaranteed be dead. This is not an exaggeration. It was fucking messy.

But I got out. I have a wife and a few close friends, a roof over my head and some cats darting around my feet. Before we moved I was terrified of my parents showing up at our old apartment. I used to spiral imagining mom screaming outside the door. I tried to plan with Riley what we'd do if that happened. One night I claimed I wanted to take a boxing class "so I can know what it feels like to get really hit and I won't be afraid of it anymore".

I'm not scared now. These are sick people and I've spent more than enough time lamenting how awful my life would be if I continued not noticing that. I was thinking my mom was unable to perceive me as my own person, and now I'm convinced she never saw me or my sister as people at all. We were just little dollies she could whisper all her traumas to.

I hope my sister cuts contact too. I told her about the will thing and said that I'm pretty sure my parents would use that as a way to keep relationships with their remaining children. I said she should probably consider that if she decides to cut ties.

Honestly, I won't blame her if she does that and decides to stay in contact. It's a hard world out there. But I hope she does anyway. She just bought a house too and is about to get married to a man with a family infinitely more loving than ours ever was. I tell her to consider them her family. After the shit she's seen that's the least she deserves.

[writersblockedx]

Spare me the Details, Part Two

Pairing - JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader, Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader Summary - Rafe starts to cling onto the sudden connection while JJ tries to knock some sense into his best friend. Warnings - Angst!! Mentions of sex and violence, Drug and Alcohol use Words - 4K

A/n - I can’t stop writing cliffhanger endings

Read Part One Here Masterlist 

Don't let it turn into anything.

The words which suddenly taunted her.

JJ's scowl was burning and Y/n knew she was in for it. The next moments felt like a blur. The feeling of Rafe still haunted her lips, her minds buzzed off the feeling of doing something she shouldn't have. Then, within an instant, that feeling was mixed in with streaks of guilt as she faced her best friend who had never looked so betrayed.

The one person she had kissed, was the one she shouldn't have. All Y/n recalled was that scowl. The one that said a million words within a glance. All within an instant, she was following after JJ who was storming into the chateau. He didn't have it in him to look at her. To speak to her. To even think about her. It seemed his memory was already captivated by that image. Of Y/n so close to Rafe, their lips brushing with his hands trailing all over her. It was killing him.

"I know what you're thinking, JJ! And I'm sorry, it wasn't- I don't know how it happened. I know it's stupid, I know I'm being stupid, but you have to believe me, I didn't mean for anything to happen, it just did." She was yelling, begging, pleading, just preying she might spit out something that might urge him to look at her again.

They got so far into the chateau, just passed the kitchen table when JJ stopped. Y/n stopped too. She took a breath and when the boy turned, a part of her wished he hadn't. The expression which faced her wasn't one she'd ever seen on JJ before. It was seething, drowned in fury, his eyes burning so much she could have sworn they flickered red. "I thought you'd be able to come up with something a bit better than that." He scoffed. "Go on about how that kiss was just a part that elaborate he came up with." His head tilted, "Or was that a lie too?"

Her head shook as she took a cautious step forward. JJ stepped back. A part of her broke, finding that her best friend couldn't bare to even be so close to her, as if Rafe's touch had infected her. "No, it wasn't a lie." She assured. "There's no excuses, other than it just happened and I can promise you it won't happen again."

"You promise huh?" The thought of such seemed laughable to JJ now. "You said the same thing before you went into that stupid party! You promised it wouldn't turn into anything."

"And now I'm promising you that it's nothing." This time, when she took a step, JJ didn't back away. "How many tourons have you kissed that meant nothing? All the meaningless sex you had last Summer with random girls?"

"Yeah but they were random girls, tourons." He pointed out. "They weren't Rafe fucking Cameron."

There came a pause. Y/n's head dropped. "I know, I know." If there was one person in this world she was meant to stay clear of, it was Rafe. "I get your angry, trust me, I'm angry at myself." By the time she had looked back up at JJ, his expression had softened. Just a little, the fury was still there, but it was fading with her words. "But can we please just forgot abut this? I'll make sure I never have to see him again, tell my parents it just- it didn't work out."

She had taken another step, close enough she was able to take his hands in hers, letting their fingers interwind. "Please, JJ. The worst feeling in this world is you being mad at me."

There were many times JJ felt he was weak at Y/n's gaze. But this took the top spot. Even when he was bubbling in rage, he wanted nothing more than to appease her, to hold her, to tell her everything was okay. He was always at her side, like the armour she never wore. So when she called for him, he was there. Always.

The door to the chateau swung open and the air shifted. JJ sniffled and the two took a step from each. John B was stood in the door, puzzled at the tense atmosphere he was intruding on. "Oh, hey guys," He spoke, breaking the silence which was suffocating them. "What's going on?"

Y/n looked to JJ; moment of truth. Either they pretended this had never happened, or the rest of the pogues (and Sarah) were about to discover her demise. "Nothing." He shrugged, but his tone was uncertain - something John B had easily caught wind of. "I'm gonna hit the hay." And with that, he wandered into the spare bedroom.

It was the first time Y/n could remember when both her and JJ were crashing at John B's and they didn't share the same sleeping arrangements. It was an unspoken rule that they slept side by side in the spare bedroom, the sofa or even the hammock outside. But that night, for reasons which would continue to daunt them, they slept with an empty space next to them.

Within a week, things had started to seep back into normal. Sure her parents were disappointed about her choice to cut things off with Rafe, and there came the odd comment here and there about it, but Y/n was happy to secure her usual pogue life once again.

It seemed like it was all behind her, as if there were no way anything at all could ruin the spot she was in. Then Rafe returned. Like a cockroach that refused to die out, Rafe wasn't giving in.

She'd been covering Kiera's shift at the Wreck so she could sneak off on a date with Pope. Her hands had been filled with plates, weaving between the hungry customers, when she gazed up. Everything seemed to pause. The chaotic atmosphere which once was plastered over the restaurant had to pause as Y/n sucked in a much-needed breath. Standing at the front of house, awaiting service, was Rafe, Topper and Kelce.

A huff escaped her lips. She quickly dipped her head down, heading towards the kitchen. With her plates dropped off by the sink, she should have been in search of her next duty. But her next duty was one which was taunting her without even doing anything. All Rafe had to do was stand there and her chest would tighten, her mind losing any speckle of logic.

Rafe and Kooks in general didn't really show up to the Wreck. In fact, for the whole time Y/n and Kie had been friends, she must have counted only a couple of Kooks ever wandering in here. They much preferred the more expensive restaurants on the coast, painted in true Figure 8 fashion. The Wreck attracted tourists, not Rafe and his friends.

Y/n must have lingered in the kitchens for at least five minutes, waiting, willing for one of the other staff members to pick up the group stranded at the front of the building. Alas, there came no saviour for Y/n. Instead, she huffed, and knew if she didn't move soon, Kie's dad would be on her tail. And, well, the money had always been decent at the Wreck, so she plucked up the courage and reminded herself Rafe wasn't here for her, he was here for food and that was all he would be getting.

"Table for three?" She started, grasping a few menus in her grip.

Rafe's eyes jumped. They were narrow and enticing, the memory of the kiss seemingly written in his pupils. "Hey, Y/n." A smirk grew at his lips which felt all too familiar. "That'd be great, thanks."

Her eyes flickered to Topper and Kelce who had said nothing, not wanting to look at the pogue they had despised for years now. "This way." She said before leading the group towards a table near the back where she didn't have to look at them.

It hadn't taken long for Y/n to start thinking maybe she had overcomplicated things. Rafe, along with his two friends, sat in that corner and did nothing out of the usual. Well, apart from the fact they had chosen to eat here out of all places. Maybe she had been wrong. They ate their meal, paid their bill, without anything unexpected.

She had just been about to take a great sigh of relief when they headed for the door. Then a hand gripped her waist.

Y/n had been in the midst of taking an order back to the kitchen when the feeling had stopped her, tugging her to a halt. When she turned to face her perpetrator, she found Rafe, far too close for comfort. She had wanted to asked what the fuck he was doing, but A) she didn't have the courage and B) he'd started talking first.

"I heard you told mummy and daddy you didn't like me very much." His voice was taunting, almost to the point it was patronising. "Why'd you do that?" He tilted his head, looking down at her with the same look he had given at midsummer, like she was prey.

But she swallowed and picked at every slither of confidence she had left. Her hand clenched the one he held at her waist, shoving it away from her. "Because I don't like you very much, Rafe-"

She could have gone on but he cut the words right from her lips, "Oh, really? I got a different impression." He was close, but it was more threatening than it was suggestive.

"Well, now I'm giving you the opposite one." She was trying her best to sound sure of herself.

As it turns out, she wasn't trying hard enough. "Are you?" There was a glint in his eyes; he knew exactly what he was doing and it was pissing her off.

She should have said something more. Said what she had told JJ, that this was nothing, that she didn't ever what to look at his face again. But instead, he smirked and retracted away from her. He left with that glint. That one Y/n should have squashed into nothing. That one she knew was going to continue to cause her trouble. Her eyes never left. She watched Rafe until he jumped into his car: what the hell was she doing?

Y/n had tried not to think so much about it after that. Key word: tried. The thought of Rafe Cameron, the knowing that it was something that she utterly shouldn't be thinking of, had only made it all that more captivating. But she made no move for contact. She went on, pretending as if they hadn't kissed, as if there wasn't something there. The only people to know any different was Rafe himself and her best friend, JJ.

So when all three were mixed in, the ending was bound to be a bad one. They had been tying the HMS Pogue up to a dock, far too close to Figure 8. Something which was a more frequent occurrence with John B and Sarah dating now. Y/n had a joint between her lips, giggling at something JJ had said as they waited for John B to collect his girlfriend. Then Kie's voice broke over all others, "What the hell is he looking at?"

Their laughs had faded. All four of them glanced up toward the Cameron resident. Lingering outside was Rafe. And as Kie had put it, he was looking right at them, without even trying to hide it. While Y/n felt as if she couldn't look away, JJ's eyes were turned to her. He was watching closely. And while he knew his best friend, knew her expressions like the back of his hand, the one she was wearing then was unreadable.

Kie spun back around, her brows raised, "What happened between you two again?"

Her question brought Y/n out of her stare, taking the joint to her lips before she dared answer. "Nothing." Her word came with a shrug, hoping Kie would drop it just as quick as she had brought it up.

"S'not what it looked like." Pope commented, his voice low, unsure as to what reaction he might have just prompted.

"I already told you, I was doing what I needed to, get my parents off my back." She explained, suddenly feeling JJ's intense shadow at the side of her.

"Then why's he still staring? Hm?"

Y/n swore in that moment she had never wanted to slap Pope more. "Because he's Rafe Cameron." That should have been enough, but she went on just in case. "He's a dick."

A sigh came from her side. JJ stood close to her, swinging one arm around her shoulder while the other reached for the joint. "When did all our conversation revoled around the Camerons?" He questioned. "I mean first Sarah-" There had been some controversy when she and John B started dated (mainly on Kie's side). "And now fucking Rafe. Let's just drop it you know? I miss our old conversations."

He brought the joint to his lips, not noting the way Kie's hands stuck to her hips like a disapproving mother. "You mean you want to get high and giggle at every stupid thing that comes out of your mouth?"

Such had brought a smile to his lips within itself, "Exactly!"

And well, with the idea implanted in JJ's mind, that's what they did. With Sarah and John B back on board, they sailed back to the chateau. With drinks and weed, they settled in their true pogue state. High or drunk as shit, giggling at every stupid thing that came out their mouths. They were in and out of the hot tub, darting between each other as conversation ran like a river.

At some point, Y/n and Kie hand found themselves in the hammock, laid ever so lazily, their legs scattered over each other. They were sharing a half-empty can of beer when their words fell into a comfortable silence. Such silence had brought on some wandering thoughts Kie had been having for a while now. "Do you ever notice it?" Her voice spoke over the echoing laughter of the rest of the group who were situated by the hot tub.

"Notice what?" Y/n said, a grin hanging at her lips.

"JJ."

Her brows furrowed and a confused chuckle escaped her throat, "I think he's hard to miss sometimes." He was loud, at times obnoxious, but loveable all the same.

Kie was watching her best friend carefully. Just like JJ, she knew her well. But, unlike JJ, she wasn't plagued with doubts about whether his feelings were unrequited. "I mean, do you notice him with you?" Y/n's smile dissipated at that, a puzzled expression taking over. Kie could tell her best friend was lost, so she went on, "Like the way he looks at you sometimes, or the way he stands next to...like all the time!"

There was a grin at Kie's lips, waiting for the girl across from her to catch on. "Kie, what are you implying?"

"Just sometimes you two look like more than friends." She said such meaningful words with a shrug. As if they were nothing. As she just hadn't accidentally exposed JJ.

While the blond had never explicitly said it (at least not while he were sober), it was always written over him. His pupils wide with awe, his skin begging to clash with hers and a mind so captivated it could melt. John B had teased him about it mercilessly, lucky Y/n was too oblivious to catch on. But now she was looking over at him.

In that moment, JJ couldn't have been more in his element. With legs hanging into the hot tub water, he was in the midst of a well elaborated joke, soon to erupt chuckles from the other pogues. He was completely unaware of what that moment had meant to Y/n. Suddenly, she wasn't looking at her best friend, fellow pogue, instead she was looking at what could be.

"He really likes you." Came Kiara's voice, bringing her back to reality as her stares broke from JJ.

"Then why has he never said anything?"

There came a very simple answer from the girl: "Because it's scary. You know how long it took Pope to ask me out!" That month building up had been a month of everyone cheering the boy on.

"Yeah, but this is JJ. He doesn't think twice before asking a girl out, flirting with them. It's like second nature to him."

"But you're not just some girl to him, Y/n." Kie's eyes softened as the fairy lights glistened against her features. "You're his best friend, you're more than that and I'm pretty sure he's been in love you for a while now."

And like that, with one conversation, everything had changed.

After that night, she never looked at JJ the same. Her gaze was curious. With every glance, she found herself wondering, imagining what a life could look like with JJ Maybank. His hand in hers as they wandered the streets of the Cut. A great announcement to the rest of the pogues that they had finally made it official. Even just the simplicity of waking up next to him and feeling nothing but love. Thoughts of which JJ had imagined a million times over too.

The thoughts had tossed and turned in her head for the next week. She thought about talking to Kie about it again, asking for advice. How was she meat to turn a decade long friendship into something more?

She had just been about to leave the house when a knock came from her front door. Her brows narrowed; she usually had a bit of warning before one of the pogues turned up at her door step. Alas, she scurried to the front door and came to realise why there had been no warning. It wasn't a pogue that she soon faced, but instead, Rafe Cameron. She should have known. Right when things were beginning to lighten up, Rafe had to shove himself back in front of her face again.

Y/n looked him up and down, a scowl written into her expression, "What are you doing here?" The question left her lips with a snap.

"What do you mean?" He quppied in reply. "Your parents wanted to talk to me."

She could have laughed, "My parents? They're not even her-" She cut herself off. She should have seen it coming. Her parents weren't ones to drop ideas so quickly. So when they had let the Rafe thing go with a few throw away comments, Y/n should have noted it was out of character. It was in fact not so; they hadn't dropped it at all. "Oh, my God." She sighed through her words.

"What?" Rafe was standing by the doorway, still oblivious to the string they were hanging from.

"My parents set this up." Her index finger was pointing between the two of them. "They don't want to talk to you. They want me to."

A quick, "Oh," Left Rafe's lips before his shoulders relaxed and he went silent.

"Well?" Y/n prompted.

"Well, what?" Rafe had a brow raised.

Y/n, however, had something of a seething expression and burning glare. "Are you gonna leave?"

He shrugged, "But I'm already here." He took a step forward, his chest soon clashing with the firm palm of Y/n's hand.

"And I don't care." Their tones repelled like magnets. She couldn't stand his smug exterior, how he stood there like it were casual, like he hadn't caused such a rift in between her and JJ not long since. "I want you to leave Rafe."

She couldn't have been more clear with her words. But still, she felt a tingle at her finger tips, Rafe's fingers brushing against her own. It was purposeful - and it was working. "I don't think you do. Not really."

His breath made her itch. So much so, she didn't dare make a move to speak. Rather, she watched Rafe carefully. He leaned in, but he didn't kiss her. He lingered and, ever so close, his hushed tone muttered, "I'll see you around." And like that, his touch, the feeling of him so close to her, flashed away like he had never been there.

There followed a flush of emotions, anger seemed at the front, but there followed guilt, curiosity and while she wouldn't admit it, desire. She stood in that doorway until she figured out what she was going to do. Y/n knew she couldn't go back inside, pretending as if nothing had happened, as if Rafe hadn't just turned her world upside down (again). The way she saw it, she needed a distraction, something that would stop her from delving too deep into the thoughtful thread of Rafe Cameron.

So she found herself at the doorstep of JJ Maybank. She was sure a joint, some food and reality TV would follow. It was their usual when they needed a break, needed to forgot about everything that went passed just the two of them. Her knuckles knocked at the door and she waited patiently, limiting the wondering thoughts about what Rafe might be doi-

The door swung open; Y/n felt like she'd just been caught. "Hi," The greeting left her mouth like it was a relief. "Can we talk?"

Her mind had been spinning so much, she hadn't been able to work out the anxious look that plagued JJ. "Yeah, come on in," He muttered as the two wandered inside. JJ gestured towards the couch where his dad was well into sleep, "Don't worry about him, he's been out cold for a few hours now." He explained.

The boy led the way towards his room, shutting the door behind them. "I was wondering when you were gonna show up, knew you wouldn't do it by text." He was leaning against his dresser, an uncertain smile drawing at his lips.

Y/n tilted her head, "What are you talking about?" She inquired.

"Kie told me that well, she'd told you." The thoughts came flooding back, the echos of Kie's words suddenly running

"JJ-"

She was about to go on about how that truly wasn't the reason she was stood here now. Granted, it was a conversation to be had and maybe that would come. But all she wanted in that moment was a friend, her best friend. "Can I just say, I've been meaning to say something. I mean, it's been years, right? I just didn't know when and I wanted to be like...perfect."

She took a step forward, wanting to stop this before he got ahead of himself, "We don't have to do this right now." She offered.

But her best friend wasn't one for listening. "I mean is there really such a thing like perfect timing?" Before she realised it, JJ had moved from the dresser, walking over to her and looking at her like there was nothing stopping him. His hand reached her cheek and in that moment, there came a relief from his lips, "Hi."

"JJ-" His lips hit hers.

She should have stopped him. She have stopped Rafe.

Because now, within an instant, she was torn. She was in a puzzle she didn't know how to get out of. A part of her wondered if there even was a way out.

-

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[im-out-of-it]

part 7 of season 2, episode 12 TREAT MAGNUS BETTER “you are not your own” continued

91. I forgot about this scene

92. oh yes because herondales have it so hard 🙄

93. I meant this actual scene existed but I did forget the other two gifs as well

94. these scenes are so cringe

95. she’ll smile when she finds out you’re family

96. I just hope people know they aren’t related

97. well valentine is known to lie and clary is conceited so they have similarities. but Valentine attempts to think with his brain and clary doesn’t

98. Im sorry but what did Izzy expect when she went through Raphael’s sister Rosa? that’s literally the opposite of getting Raphael off your back

99. Simon: who is this old woman????

100. Simon: ah shit I’m not about that kidnapping life I’ve been through it myself

101. foreshadowing, neat

102. Simon actually feels bad

103. Izzy: I’m back bitches so I don’t have time to play nice

104. picture time 📸

105. don’t be mad when Raphael comes swinging

106. I honestly don’t like this storyline they did. because Izzy knows that Raphael has one living family member alive and that’s his sister Rosa. I just don’t agree with it at all. was it bad that Raphael gif her phone so he could kill clary? maybe in a way but Raphael tried many times to not give Izzy blood so she could heal naturally. and it’s not like Izzy and clary were talking at the time. they would balk be better without clary and jace around. I don’t feel Raphael went out of his way to hurt Izzy like she is doing to him

107. Alec: thinking and he looks hot doing it

I really hate how jace just dismisses him. is it crazy? absolutely but Alec has hard evidence and jace is like nah don’t trust him. “this is valentine” someone shut jace up right now. if this were clary, he would be running in to save her. if Alec treated clary the way jace treats Magnus, he wouldn’t ever leave alec be. Jace has no business or right telling Alec just trust me valentine is always ten steps ahead. it’s not Alec’s fault if you used to believe a villains every word. I can’t believe that Alec never fought back and went off on jace or Magnus too. Alec and Magnus are seriously too kind

VALENTINE WOULD NOT KNOW INTIMATE DETAILS AND REAL MAGNUS WOULD NOT ACT AS “MAGNUS” DID HE LOVES ALEC AND WOULD TOUCH HIM MORE

stopping at 108 and will continue part 8 tomorrow and yes I did that on purpose and we will be starting with Magnus’s torment so brave thyself

[yeuxverts00]

Do You Hear What I Hear

A 7K OneShot written for PandaPatronus’ 12 Days of Christmas Podfic Collection (Explicit)

Summary: Unspeakables Granger and Malfoy have to spend Christmas Eve in a non-magical tent in Scotland, huddling for warmth.

Excerpt:

“Not true. I could recite the muggle taxonomic system for you right now.”

“Oh really.”

“Really.” He looked at her with a sudden gleam in his eye that she suspected she was about to regret.

“Domain of Bossy Swots.” He ticked off one finger. “Kingdom of Smart-Arse Know-it-alls.” And a second. “Phylum of Self-righteous Wet Blankets.” A third. “Class of Judgmental Do-Gooders. Family of Reckless Workaholics—”

“I am not reckless!—”

“Genus of Power-mad Harpies,” he spoke over her.

“Power-mad!—”

“—Species: Granger, Hermione,” he concluded, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

The frisson she always felt upon the vanishingly rare instances she’d ever heard him use her first name shut her right up, and she did her best to suppress it. She hadn’t ever allotted that particular sound its own number and she tried very hard not to think about why.

So instead she affected a bored study of the grey sky (weather outlook distinctly poor), and the state of her cuticles (not much better), and then glanced casually at his stupidly gorgeous face. “I’m sure you think you’re very clever, but there were several compliments in there, actually. If someone cared to look.”

A sceptical eyebrow, and even more sceptical sniff (Noise No. 20). “Compliments.”

“An entire species all to myself Malfoy? You must think I’m quite singular.” Her gaze returned her nails.

“You are a singular pain in my arse—“

“Also, you forgot Order after Class.”

Ahh, there was Noise No. 4: Exasperation so acute it usually preceded crimes that sent one to Azkaban (it was a secret favourite).

*****

“I figured out what Order you belong to.”

It was sometime later. She was lying in bed, having abandoned the book she’d been trying to read by the light of the little hearth fire and getting distracted watching the snow fall outside the tent window. She had been slowly drifting towards oblivion when his words startled her back awake.

She looked across the narrow space at him, but he wasn’t looking back at her, focused instead on the glow from the fireplace.

He had the perfect sort of face for firelight, all deep hollows and sharpness that made him look broody and Promethean. He could have been a piece of Greek marble statuary, detailed in shifting gilt edges as the flames flickered. It was hideously unsporting of him to be this absurdly fit.

Despite her earlier assertion about compliments, whatever classification of her that was about to leave his mouth was likely to be unflattering. She attempted a deflection via academic nitpick. “Malfoy, I’m trying to sleep, but on the subject, you know you can’t have a species that’s just one person. How would I propagate?”

“Granger.” He rolled to face her as though now she had his full attention. “It sounds like you just asked me to tell you how to fuck yourself.”