#so like normal. Online diary in place of therapy

[madaracore]

[clever-and-unique-name]

As someone who's been through a lot of DID tumblr community, especially because you used to make infographics and talk about your DID and such here often... IDK, I don't want to ask if you regret talking about your DID or your parts so much, because that's too broad, but like.

[internal grumbling and vague gesturing]

Liiiiike... Hrgh. As a slightly adultier-adult than me, how do you balance having all this DID stuff online and also just like, being a 'normal' person in the world and having a good life where you're married and happy and all that?

For me/us, I feel like a lot of thinking and over-analyzing about DID has been detrimental overall, but it also got us to this place where we *don't* (need to) do that most of the time, and we're able to be pretty blurry and really only talk about DID/'parts stuff' if it becomes A Problem or something Comes Up.

I guess we're asking for your #HotTakes about this, if you'd like to share :)

(If you don't, that's totally okay, don't worry about it. Or you can tell us privately if you like! Just figured we'd ask, because like, nuance and we like your opinions/worldview a lot <3)

Hi Anni ilu :>

I'm answering this at work because I just Can't Resist but I'm not sure if the guys at home will feel the same so uh. That's a disclaimer I guess

Yearsss ago when we made this blog, we were specifically trying to #Figure Ourselves Out. That's explicitly what we made this blog for, to record and try to recognize patterns as we came to terms with having dissociated parts. And we were unemployed at the time (and also out of school? I think?) so we had a LOT of free time to be occupied with this stuff.

Which, as you mentioned, led to us reading a lot of books on the topic of dissociation and making Content about it. And also writing a lottt of more personal diary-like posts.

I don't regret that era per se; we went through a lottt of growth in that time, and it's nice to have it as a time capsule to look back on now (especially with the like, memory issues, ya know.) I don't mind it being Out There "publicly" either; we're pretty strict on what doxx-able info goes here, and our online presence is kept strictly from our irl one, with only a couple highly trusted exceptions.

HOWEVER

I do regret putting so much personal information here without fully understanding how vulnerable it made me. I didn't understand that talking about the struggles certain parts were going through would leave those parts open to people (with mostly good intentions) approaching us with commiseration and comfort--things our younger parts especially were starved for.

At that time we were quite isolated. We didn't have the skills to identify when we were fawning, or set boundaries when we did realize it. (This was before therapy.) And not everyone we let emotionally close to us should have been--something we unfortunately wouldn't learn until much later.

So like. Posting about DID in a general, informative way was pretty chill, and I wish I had the time and energy to do some of that again. But as far as publicly exploring our parts? We now have a pretty hard rule about only sharing things that have been resolved, or setting boundaries when needed.

But I feel you so much about mostly just being blurry unless something is a Problem or needs addressing. (Although it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as like "Why do I feel sad...oh, Reki is nearby and needs cuddles, got it.") It's just not as important now to Figure Everything and Everyone Out. I got a job to do and bills to pay. ;)

- Tris

[inflamearc]

modern laura (as opposed to '25 years later' laura):

odessa young, if you want an updated visual.

not really on social media. probably has a private ig and MAYBE a twitter (with her name/photo nowhere on it) but she doesn't do much scrolling. it's all more like a diary for her own reference / amusement. she does still keep the real thing; it'll be on her somewhere at all times, probably in whatever bag she's carrying. looks a lot like this.

she's out, kind of --- she's still pathologically unable to give a clear answer about anything personal. but she's not trying to seem like anything she isn't.

she doesn't smoke any less. i have tried and i have failed.

she's in therapy (NOT with anyone in canon). it's ... not 'nice', but it is useful, and she is a lot more secure in herself and her story.

you're still not convincing her to go to college. in a lot of ways, laura is already so Her Own Person that her story just transfers to Modern Day as is ... except, knowing she has the internet to tell her everything that's out there, she probably has like, emt certification and a million other things that she's cobbling together to avoid 1. nursing school and 2. working for other people.

she might be a little infamous in niche circles. twin pea/ks is definitely somewhere that generates rumors like you wouldn't believe in a world where social media is king ---and she's got that celebrity victim status --- but it's still, like. you're only going to know if you're into all the weird cryptid / supernatural / conspiracy stuff, or if you go digging for information about her online. or if you're local, obviously.

if she's out of the pnw/missoula, it's prrrrobably because she's traveling for some random job she's picked up (or she's decided to drive cross-country to go see a concert or something because she is getting itchy and trying to be healthy, if impractical, about it). she likes to see places and meet [normal] people. may or may not be accompanied by jade at @requitals.

her car is ancient, and not in an especially cool way. it's well-maintained because it's never been out of use for long, but things go wrong a lot. she's handy enough (and familiar with it enough) to take care of it, most of the time, but she miiight break down in front of your place of business. this is an easy plot point to take advantage of.

idk like I COULD SAY MORE but i feel like mostly i'd just be restating things you already know. so if you have a question, just ask it.

[remembertheliver]

My name is Jules. I am eighteen years old. In less than two weeks I will be starting college. I am a nonbinary lesbian. This blog is intended to be a sort of public diary. I feel I need to have a place to scream into the void.

I do go to therapy, but since my college is outside of my home state I won’t be able to do virtual sessions with my therapist. I take Zoloft. I have both in person friends and online friends. My in person friends know I am a lesbian but not that I am trans. My online friends know both of those facts.

I often experience impostor syndrome, whether it’s with my art or my writing or my transness. I struggle a lot with my identity and where I fit into communities. I suspect that I have autism or am neurodivergent in some way shape or form, but I am not diagnosed with anything along those lines. I don’t have many boundaries when it comes to my friends; I am open to hearing pretty much anything. It honestly doesn’t affect me much, aside from worrying for my friends when necessary. I enjoy being helpful and I enjoy being there for people.

I love strange and morbid things. I love queer media and stories. I am a big fan of horror, especially when that horror focuses on womanhood, femininity, etc. My favorite shows are Twin Peaks and Adventure Time, which could not be more different from each other. I like to make art, though I don’t study or practice technique all that much. I like theatre. I want to learn how to play as many instruments as possible. Banjo is high on my list. I love traveling and I want to see as much of the world as I possibly can.

I worry that I may be crazy sometimes. I am emotional, sometimes prone to anger. I am loyal to a fault. I am extremely rational but also extremely empathetic, which can work to my detriment. I am very independent. I used to think I would never fall in love. I have a few close friends. Sometimes I can’t decide whether to think with my head or with my heart.

This voice that I’m writing in doesn’t feel like my own. It feels very monotonous and matter-of-fact, when, in fact, my inner monologue is all over the place. I am full of so much emotion, so many thoughts and ideas. This voice is not the one I will write in normally. Please keep that in mind.

8/10/2024

[erimeows]

TFA Characters And Diaries (Autobots):

Optimus Prime: we all know my man (bot) has a ton of repressed feelings so when he saw a human writing in a journal and looked up what it might’ve been, after reading about the concept of a diary he was immediately into it. He doesn’t get to talk about his feelings a lot and feels like he can’t since he’s his team’s source of strength and leadership. The diary really works for him, him being the type he is he’s super organized and meticulous with it, remembers to write every day and makes entries that are at least a page long. In terms of security, he just puts it between his berth and the wall to keep it private but if someone were to find it and read it he would handle it well. He would be more upset by someone trying to invade his privacy and read it behind his back than he would be by someone accidentally finding it and reading its contents.

Prowl: The only one on his squad who’s been journaling since before they came to earth. Finds it therapeutic, puts time stamps in there and writes multiple times a day. While Optimus uses his diary exclusively for venting/getting those tough feelings out there, Prowl uses it for that and whatever random thoughts or ideas he has + if he wants to remember something. He keeps it on his person, not to keep it secure or anything because it has its own lock with a key that only he has, but just so he can carry it everywhere.

Bumblebee: saw it in a TV show and thought it was an awesome concept but was super embarrassed about wanting one. Considering that he’s usually the fun, goofy, light-hearted one in the group, he doesn’t want anyone knowing the depth of some of the negative feelings he has sometimes- whether that be reserved bitterness towards certain bots, lingering self-doubt, or the inferiority that comes from not feeling as strong/useful as his teammates. He buys the notebook online and is so secretive about it that the rest of the Autobots get worried and investigate, only to find out what they were worried about was just… A diary. Finding it both amusing and concerning, they leave it alone and let Bumblebee do his thing. Bumblebee fills the front and back with dumb doodles and not serious entries because he’s paranoid about someone reading it, and he puts serious entries in the middle in invisible LED ink.

Ratchet: my man’s (bot’s) got TRAUMA and it’s weird how no one notices how much he needs therapy, or whatever the Cybertronian equivalent to that may be. He has a diary that he writes in, but he’s not consistent with it at all- basically just writes when the feelings are too much and he can’t organize them in his processor on his own. His handwriting is disastrous and impossible to read so he just leaves the diary out LMAO, though subconsciously he’s hoping someone will find it and read it to understand him better.

Bulkhead: Sari told him about diaries and he liked the concept but he’s terrible at writing and has a hard time expressing himself that way, so he just expresses himself through drawing- his diary is more of a sketchbook than a notebook with lines to write in. Doesn’t mind if people look at it but would prefer they ask first, any entries that he doesn’t want seen he does in the very back of the book, and said book gets left on a desk in his room.

Sentinel Prime: a diary? A HUMAN DIARY? totally, but no one needs to know that. After seeing Optimus do it he decided he wanted to do it so he started doing it, but he only writes in private, never talks about it, and hides it on his self at all times so no one is able to find it. He drops it one day and no one cares but he’s oddly offended that no one cares about the Primer Prime’s deepest darkest secrets, even though he didn’t want anyone to find out in the first place. Sentinel being Sentinel he isn’t consistent with it at all and throws away the entries if he feels like they aren’t good enough. Will go back and reread some of them and cringe.

Jazz: just writes music and poetry in his, not really a normal diary or a sketchbook or anything. Obviously he feels emotions like any other bot, but he, like Prowl, is better than most at regulating them, and he doesn’t leave anything bottled up. He’s also just a huge romantic though so //insert love songs//, sometimes he’ll do doodles of Bots he’s close with

Ultra Magnus: had a diary when he was younger but like… Stopped having a consistent one when he became a Magnus because as such a big leader/public figure, he didn’t want all of his deepest darkest secrets in one accessible place for anyone who might have something against him (and that’s a lot of Bots!). He just writes on scratch paper when he needs to and shreds it to the point where it’s impossible to put back together afterwards.

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30-Epilogue

Lucy POV. TW: Panic Attack, Mental trauma/coping, PTSD

The university and Lucy’s professors had been really wonderful about everything, even offering to convert her classes to an online option so she could continue. She wasn’t happy about the idea of taking a sabbatical from college, but there was no way she could manage. Not only was it difficult for her to leave the apartment because seeing anyone that remotely resembled Touka sent her into a panic attack, focusing on anything at all was a struggle. Night after night it haunted her dreams and spilled into her waking moments. She’d run scenarios through her mind, all the what if’s, should haves, could haves, often leading to horrifying outcomes. They’d survived, yes, but at what cost?

She didn’t feel the same anymore as if a part of her did die in that apartment or fled to a hidden part of her brain too scared to come back out. The once happy, positive person had become a nervous wreck unable to control her emotions or outbursts. Lucy’s bedroom became her safe zone from everyone, even those closest to her, ashamed and insecure of their judgement. In her heart she knew friends like Levy or Natsu wouldn’t judge... but tell that to her broken mind, because her brain was the one in control at the moment, and insisted they’d look down on her.

All the irrational thoughts. It was her fault for not being careful, her fault she was kidnapped. Lucy knew Touka was growing dangerous, yet walking alone, at night... utterly stupid. She should have been overzealous at protecting herself, but oh no, stupid girl didn’t want to believe anything would actually happen. Until it did. And now she was even more pathetic and weak for not getting a hold of her emotions, for not controlling it instead of it controlling her. The danger had passed. They were alive. Touka was in jail. It should be over, but it wasn’t. Lucy couldn’t move past that night, stuck in an endless loop of fear. So many nights she’d wake up in a panic covered in sweat, the fading images of red... blood... like dripping down a tv screen in a horror movie. It was Natsu’s blood she saw and his screams when the knife had sliced him open.

The first week after the event had been difficult, sitting through an interview with Gajeel, and reliving all the mental wounds. It took several hours to get through it all despite the man doing his best to go easy on her. Each time painful parts came up, Lucy felt the anxieties rise, the mental blurring, the shaking, literally a physical shaking of her body in an effort to dispel the rise of adrenaline coursing through her veins. Interviews are best done without any other potential witnesses in the room to avoid cross contamination, but after Lucy’s first two attempts to talk to investigators failed, Gajeel was forced to allow Natsu in with explicit instructions to sit quietly and say nothing while the woman talked. Of course, Natsu’d been fine with that, he’d do anything to help, even if it was just holding Lucy’s hand. But it only added to her embarrassment. Surely Natsu will eventually tire of having an unstable girlfriend.

Then there was the therapist Levy helped Lucy to find which she hoped would help her to quickly get over the events and move on. So, when the woman explained that such traumas take patience and time to process, Lucy was devastated. It almost felt like nothing was going her way anymore, falling dominoes with no end in sight. She felt so ashamed for having to see the woman in the first place, and now she’s told it would be a long journey towards recovery. Just great! What’s next?!

“Lu?” Levy knocked before opening the bedroom door. “Are you gonna eat your dinner in here again? It’s ready.”

With the curtains drawn, Lucy’s room was dark and the only light available was a small desk lamp next to the bed set to a low setting. She peeked out from under her blanket. “I-I’ll come out in a minute, thanks Lev.”

As soon as her friend closed the door, Lucy exhaled in relief. She knew Levy was worried about the amount of time she stayed holed up in the room, so to dispel some of those concerns, Lucy would join her roommate for meals. She quickly applied a gauze wrap, threw on her long sleeve hoodie, and left the room. It made her feel safer to be shrouded and covered up, so gone were her skirts and tank tops, and hello to long sleeves and pants. If she could cover her face from the world, it would make her happy. Even her overall hygiene suffered. Lucy would forget to bathe or wash her hair for days on end, and it took Levy or Natsu with gentle prodding to get her to do it. She would wear the same clothes for a week if it wasn’t for Levy who made sure she changed at least every couple of days. Hell, she’d starve if her roommate wasn’t feeding her. This was a frustrating cycle, not having the mental energy to take care of herself, then feeling bad because they had to help her with things, which made her feel even worse.

It tore at Lucy’s heart to watch Natsu going through this process with her. She knew he was going through his own struggles, not just mental, but physically healing from his wounds. And here she was, the basket case of instability. Bless him, he never gave up no matter how distant she grew, but after that night, Lucy really didn’t want to talk about anything out loud, not that night, and certainly not the true extent of her pain from it. Both Levy and Natsu knew only what she couldn’t hide from them. Like the panic attacks, and since she really didn’t want them to see her go through one or what she’d resorted to, to calm herself, so the safest solution was stay quiet and not trigger them in their presence.

To show his dedication, Natsu even went with her to her therapy sessions and waited outside the office. Lucy knew it was costing him money to do this, because she couldn’t ride a train which meant cab rides every single trip. It bothered her a lot, but she did her best to hide it, and besides there was one small measure of security in having him at her side when she needed to venture out into the public.

“So, the nightmares are still a problem?” the therapist questioned Lucy. “Are you sure you don’t want to try a medication? It would help to ease them until we can get things under control.”

Lucy gripped to the hem of her sweater. “I just don’t wanna become addicted to that stuff...”

“That’s understandable. But not all are addictive, and I’ll be here to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.”

“I... I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” the woman smiled. “Remember I’m just here to help you, at your pace. I won’t force you take anything you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

“What about the breathing and relaxation techniques? When you feel the anxiety rising, are you trying out the steps?”

“I try... I don’t think I’m very successful at it.”

“Does it work sometimes?”

Lucy pauses for a few seconds in thought before nodding yes.

“See, that is progress!” The woman encouraged excitedly. “Two weeks ago, it didn’t help at all, and now it works sometimes. It’s a big step forward Lucy.”

“Doesn’t feel like it is...” Lucy mumbled.

“I know it’s hard to see it for yourself, and that’s okay. These things take time and practice. Do you remember what I said about these things?”

“Not really.” Which was true. During the first week when the therapist explained the processes, Lucy had stopped listening as soon as the woman said it would take time.

“Let me ask you a question. You like to write stories, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When you first started, were you able to just write perfect stories.”

“Pfft, no.”

“Then how did you get better at it?”

Lucy rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going. “Practice.”

“Yes! The PTSD requires learning new coping skills as well as unlearning irrational ones. To do both takes practice. The more we work at it, the easier it will get, I promise. One day you’ll be able to look back at this experience and feel stronger for it.”

She really wanted to believe the woman, but it was so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Tears well up in Lucy’s eyes, seconds before they start to flow down her cheeks. “Why is this so hard?! I just wanna get back to normal!” She could feel her anxieties rising. “I... I-I don’t wanna talk about it anymore! I just wanna forget it ever happened!”

The woman reached over and took Lucy’s hand, applying a strategic amount of pressure while rubbing her thumb over the webbing in a counter stimulus. She softened in tone. “I wish I could say that would work, but in order to get past it, you need to confront it. Together we’re gonna turn the boogieman into Casper the friendly ghost.”

It was such a weird way of putting things, it caused Lucy’s mind to snap out of the anxiety and snort a sniffling laugh in response. “Casper the friendly ghost?!”

“It was the first thing to pop into my mind,” the therapist laughed too. “The point is, we’re going to work together and slowly bring you to a place where this no longer scares you.”

“O-Okay...”

The rest of the session was tough, and Lucy had come close to a panic attack several times, but as a trained therapist, the woman stepped in at the right times to bring her levels down again using breaks and breathing routines. Sure, with a professional in front of you, it wasn’t as bad, but doing this on her own, the attacks were still winning. At the end of the session, the woman suggested a new technique to try out based on Lucy’s love of writing.

“You’ve heard of art therapy, so just think of this as a different form of creative therapy. Writing a diary is helpful to get out your feelings out in a healthy way. But let’s take it one step forward to use your skills in fiction writing. I want you to try before the next session, writing a story where you interject your emotions, feelings, whatever you want into the characters and story. Kind of like your character becomes you, but now you get to control what happens to them after the trauma they endure.”

“Wait, so you want me to write about a character that goes through what I went through?! Like torture my own character?!”

“Yes, to put it bluntly. Take your pain and unleash it onto the fictional character. It’s a much healthier way of releasing your anger or frustration in something that can’t really be hurt. Do whatever you want to them. But remember you also get to give them the ending you want to. It’s about utilizing a tool you’re already comfortable with and taking back some control. It’ll be normal if you cry, scream, and get upset through the process, but that’s okay, because instead of holding it all in, you’re getting your feelings out.”

Lucy slumped back in her seat. It sounded strange, yet at the same time made a bit of sense to her. Angst type stories were not really her forte, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do it, especially since pain is all she was channeling at the moment. She sighed. “I’ll try.”

“And that’s totally okay. All I ask is that you give it a try.”

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Smut Recs: Polyjuice Sex or Anonymous Sex

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here. Players could opt in to an additional suit of 13 cards, all themed around various popular smut tropes.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Closure is a state of mind by Quicksilvermaid Rated:  Explicit Words:  12229 Tags: Morally Grey Draco Malfoy, Inappropriate medical/therapist relationships, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Lies, Self-Esteem Issues, low key stalking behaviour, Loneliness, Guilt, Therapy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, taking advantage of a grieving person, Death of a Spouse, Character Death, (not Drarry), Disfigurement, Scars, Brief Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Drinking, First Time, Polyjuice Potion, Sex While Using Polyjuice Potion, pensieve sex, Voyeurism, wanking, Concealed Identity, Bittersweet Ending, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  After Harry's husband Charlie is killed, his Mind Healer recommends a Polyjuice therapy company, so Harry can see 'Charlie' again and find closure over his death. Draco, whose life over the last ten years has gone from bad to worse, gets assigned Potter's case. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Aletheia by lazywonderland Rated:  Explicit Words:  8340 Tags: Confident Harry, Sex While Using Polyjuice Potion, POV Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Pseudo Het, Pseudo Female Draco, Bisexual Harry, Enamored Draco, Hung Harry Potter, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Smut, Het, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Slash, Top Harry, Bottom Draco, Submissive Draco, Angst, the teeniest amount.....i can't write anything without angst idk how, there's very little plot here but i still managed, Choking Summary:  Draco finds out Daphne's been shagging Potter and it turns out it's really not that difficult to get a piece of her hair. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Exposure by GallaPlacidia Rated:  Mature Words:  26993 Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sex Work, Sex Worker Draco Malfoy, Camboy Draco Malfoy, it's all pretty sex positive tbh, less sex than you would think there would be, Betrayal, Secret Identities, Draco in the Muggle World, it's p lighthearted really, falling in love through online geography quizzes, (partly) textfic, Oneshot, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Loneliness, Self-Loathing, Threats of Violence, Age Difference, Public Sex, Guilt, Hate Crimes, grey area infidelity (not between Draco and Harry), Mention of Minor Character Suicide Summary:  When Seamus uncovers Draco Malfoy's camboy profile, he, Harry and Ron decide to anonymously book a private show so as to humiliate him later. Fascinated by Draco's confidence, Harry keeps booking private shows under the disguise... ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I'll Only Hurt You If You Let Me by Penryn3 Rated:  Explicit Words:  6862 Tags: Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Polyjuice Potion, Mistaken Identity, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, Love Bites, Biting, Enemies to Lovers, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Non-Consensual Touching, Face-Fucking, Invisibility Cloak (Harry Potter), Wizarding Court Trials, Angry Kissing, Frotting, Wandless Magic, The Marauder's Map, Powerful Harry, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Self-Discovery, Sex Whilst Polyjuiced, Explicit Language, Hand Jobs, Male Slash, POV Draco Malfoy, Mildly Dubious Consent, Complete Summary:  Draco stared intently at the long strand of fiery red hair between his pinched fingertips and let out a shuddering breath. He could do this. He could. He had to find out what was going to happen to his parents, and if anyone was privy to that kind of private information - it was Potter. Draco took a breath, steeling himself. Raising the bubbling glass to his lips, he closed his eyes and swallowed. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 How to Court your Husband by magpie_fngrl Rated:  Explicit Words:  5520 Tags: Alternate Universe, Identity Porn, Royalty, Arranged Marriage, Humor, Explicit Sexual Content, Hieros Gamos Summary:  Prince Harry must marry Prince Draco, a man he's never even seen before, for the sake of the alliance between their two kingdoms. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Welcome to the Broom Closet by incapricious Rated:  Explicit Words:  23143 Summary:  Harry thinks he knows how his life will go: Become an Auror. Marry Ginny. Have a family. But then he sees an advertisement in the paper that no one else can see, and his life is turned upside-down. The Broom Closet: you can be anyone you want while you're there, but you won't remember it in the morning. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Mistaken Identities by MalenkayaCherepakha Rated:  Explicit Words:  1831 Tags: Public Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Polyjuice Potion, Polyjuice sex, Hermione is confused Summary:  In which Harry finishes a mission early, Polyjuice takes a while to wear off, and Hermione is very confused. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Journal  by LakeWitch Rated:  Explicit Words:  59439 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Mental Health Issues, Therapy, Hufflepuff & Slytherin Inter-House Friendships, Hufflepuff Common RoomD, iary/Journal, Magical Diary - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Slytherin Abuse, For a bit anyway, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, With emphasis on the friends part, Slow Burn, Sexual Fantasy, Sexting, Except it's in a magical journal and not a phone, Masturbation, Anonymity, Alcohol, Party Games, Spin the Bottle, Angst, I made myself cry at a certain part, Eventual Fluff, Smut, Epistolaryat parts, Fighting in the halls, Background Relationships, Teaself-care, Knitting, Television Watching, Mind Healers (Harry Potter), Magical Tattoos, Cooking, Desi Harry Potter, Indian food, flower shop, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Christmas Tree, Showers, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, POV Harry Potter, the html in here is a b, Coming Out, Anal Sex, Top Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter, if that matters, they switch but I don't show it Summary:  After Voldemort's death, everything was supposed to get better, supposed to be better. Harry was meant to live a normal life. However, he very-unfairly found himself with crippling depression and an anxiety problem—his Mind Healer says he has PTSD. Hence (when he could get out of bed), Harry's summer after the war was filled with intense therapy sessions, renovating Grimmauld Place, and teaching himself how to cook Indian food. Now Harry thinks he's ready to return to Hogwarts for an Eighth Year. But before he does, Harry picks up a journal from Flourish and Blotts on his Mind Healer's urging. He's meant to write down his thoughts and feelings, no matter how seemingly trivial. There was nothing, no pamphlet, to indicate the journal he bought was magically-linked with someone else's. But, when he finally opens it up, someone's already written inside. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Start the Chase by FleetofShippyShips Rated:  Explicit Words:  4015 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Masks, Anonymous Sex, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Identity Reveal, Don't copy to another site Summary:  Harry liked to tell himself he didn’t do things like this often. He liked to pretend he wasn’t a rotten liar too. But the fact of the matter was, charity balls were incredibly dull and they made him incredibly uncomfortable, but not going was even worse. It wasn’t the first time he’d gone off and done something he shouldn’t have. Done someone he shouldn’t have. And really, having it splashed all over the papers should have stopped him by now. But this time, this time he was wearing a mask. And so was the other man. ❤️ Read on AO3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

[perfectlyfine-notfineatall]

confessional post

Taylor said she is a confessional songwriter and she thanks us for reading her diary for this long. I have grown up with Taylor and she has gotten me through more dark periods than I realized. If Taylor can release her life story, so can I. I hope it reaches her. My life goal is to thank her in person someday.

When I was 10, I had a cousin named Allen. Allen was 5 years older than me. We grew up together. We colored, watched movies, built blanket forts, shared snacks.-a normal cousin bond. Until one holiday, it all changed. At our aunt’s house, Allen told me to meet him by the laundry room. He asked if I wanted to play a game. At this aunt’s house, us and the other cousins always ran around with Nerf guns just being silly and annoying the adults. So, I figured he wanted to map out a way to scare everyone or something. By the time I entered the laundry room, he told me to duck down from sight of anyone. He said he watched a game on Nickelodeon and wanted to show me it. He gently pushed me over to the floor, and he put his entire body weight over me, rubbing up and down across parts of me I knew were not okay to be rubbed on. I knew it was something sexual; I was somewhat unsure, but I knew. This happened a few other times in upcoming holidays, until I completely decided to not go near him. Unfortunately, for even longer, he had been doing the same thing with my twin sister, too. She did not know what was going on. It turned into a police report once everyone discovered her story. Mine went undiscovered, and I watched my parents suffer too much pain to even fathom telling them it happened to me too. They do not know I was his victim too, to this day.

When I was 12, Taylor’s first album came out. All of her songs about feeling alone and lost, were me. I was connected instantly. I fell in love and finally felt so understood. By 2008, when Fearless arrived, I was a total fan. I quit playing violin, taught myself guitar, and learned T’s album, as a form of therapy. Fearless was out and I was about to experience life.

When I was 14, I met a boy. His name was Justin. He was obvious trouble. We met at a pool party before high school began. I was awkward, overly-skinny and scrawny, and attracted no one, but him. I felt happy—some boy finally liked me—finally! It wasn’t long until we began dating and I learned he was addicted to drugs. The longer I stayed, the worse it got. I gave him hundreds of dollars so he can buy drugs, so he would stay with me. When he got mad, he would tackle me to the ground, throw me against walls, push me around, etc. He many times locked me outside so he could use, then let me back in and claimed to love me. We did this for 2 years, on and off, on and off. Until one day, I told him “I deserve better” and he decided to beat me in school. Sitting on a staircase my freshmen year at 16, he came up running with a pack of friends calling me things like “faggot” “bitch” “c*nt” (the usual) and profusely kicked me while he had me cornered against the walls. It took all my adrenaline to push away and run to the nearest bathroom to call my mom. We were minors, so all that came from it was he was suspended and sent to a mental institute during his suspension. This was the end of us, but a long remainder of high school being bullied by all his friends. We had secret teachers and admin constantly watching to make sure we would no longer interact. High school was a crime scene, a war-zone, a place I desperately needed to escape from forever. I did nothing in high school but go to classes and go home. Speak Now was out, and all of the songs applied to transitioning my life around. Songs provided closure that no one else could grant me. I was given an electric guitar the same morning I bought Speak Now, and I spent that week learning every single song.

When I was just 17, (J ended at 16) I got a job and focused on making money so one day I could move so far from here. I went to class, to work, to sleep, and did it every week of every school year following. Eventually, I began actively seeking out people to play music with, and met a boy named Nathan. He played the drums and he was so cool; he was a senior and I was about to be a junior. We were total opposites but embraced music together and began dating that December. For the first few months, he continued to pressure me into a sexual relationship that I did not want with him yet, and I remember one day in my basement he kind of just went for it. I did not know how to say no, so I just let it happen. I figured he would leave if I said otherwise. Ever since, the relationship was full of up’s and down’s, and he ended it a year later, once he found another girl. During this, Red was out. EVERY.SINGLE.SONG. applied to this chapter in life. It DESCRIBED our relationship and my development as a young adult. 

When I was 18, I graduated high school early to get foot surgery. We found a birth defect in my bones and walking was becoming difficult. Tey needed to cut some bones and do fusions; this required 2 months of NO walking, and 2 additional months on crutches/scooters. I was lonely but I managed. When I was going on 19 (end of senior year), my best friend decided to advance towards me. He was my dream man. Handsome, intelligent, bright, well-rounded…I won’t say his name ever again. But, we ended up going to prom together and fell in love. We went to 1989 tour in Chicago together. I loved him. He broke me. We will call him C. We dated for 3 consecutive years. We planned out our house, our kids’ names, our careers, everything. We just needed the ring. Well, C had a troubled home life, and it engulfed him. After 1 year together, he became this depressed, narcissistic asshole. We fought about everything. He screamed at me. Got in my face. Made me cry. Insulted me. Belittled me. And then, we would try again. We were so toxic to each other but had too much pasison to walk away. It was breaking both of us. At this point, I was diagnosed with a chronic disease called Lichen Sclerosis. Basically, all my skin began attacking itself, cutting open, and scarring over in thin-skinned areas. He made me out to be faking it for attention. The more stress he made, the worse the condition got. I could no longer have a sex life ebcause my skin was too damaged. We did this whole process for another year. Our third year, we went on a cruise. However, he withheld $1,300.00 from me, leaving me totally bankrupt with college bills to pay. So, I started working a full time night job cleaning with a bunch of empowering women, and I loved it. He hated it. He found another girl, began using drugs, hanging out with bad influences, and ultimately had another life without me, while I was trying to make a life for us. 1989 was full of truth and hope. It made everything make sense. Our fights grew so severe that I started seeing him less. I watched him beat on his mother. I watched him make his father cry. I watched him torment his little brother. I watched him fall apart. I tried to save him and us, until I realized there was no me left to save anymore. I was constantly debating my life. I told him endlessly I wanted to separate, and he never complied. One day, I sent him a message and blocked him. I began talking to the man I am dating now, Kyle, as he basically made me feel like myself again. He understood my past and wanted to see my life get better. He helped me in any way possible.

C did not like it. C hacked into all of my accounts. He put trackers on my accounts to watch my every move. He sat in my neighborhood at night to monitor when I left and came back. He hacked into my email accounts. He posted every and any insulting thing about me online, everywhere. All our mutual friends turned on me. He tried driving Kyle off the road. My reputation was never worse. I discovered he made a dating account in my name, with all my personal information, down to the most identifiable details. In IL, this is a class 4 felony. This had all been going on for 5 months. I knew I needed to save myself. I went to a domestic violence shelter so we could restrain him from all access to my life. In court, with 6 testifying witnesses, we won. 5.19.17 saved my life.

Then, reputation came out. I instantly learned every song on guitar again. I became someone again. I found someone that likes me for me. I found myself. We attended the reputation tour together. We love each other. He is everything I ever needed. I survived and I love myself.

I am 23 now. I survived so many things. I am indebted to Taylor infinitely because each album was all I ever had to develop and grow with. I think we all grew up with her in our own special ways. I just wanted to share mine. I am strong enough to tell my story. @taylorswift @taylornation

[deyadee]

Yandere

A Yandere is a character (usually in anime and manga) that seems nice and sweet on the surface but in reality is psychotic and sadistic. Going to any length needed to get rid of anyone who threatens their object of obsession- to the point of harming the object themselves. While being a Yandere usually applies to love and romantic relationships, there is no limit to who you can be a Yandere for as long as your relationship with them becomes more of an obsession than an actual love.

I have a strange relationship with the idea of a Yandere. I don’t really like female yanderes like Yuno Gasai from Future Diary, yet I love male yanderes from webcomics. To me the female ones seem too overbearing and annoying- while most male yandere I’ve read are just jealous and protective.

In real life, yanderes are psychotic people with mental health issues that will gaslight and abuse you. People that seriously need therapy and will do anything to keep you with them. They’re horrible and my sympathy goes out to the people who have had to deal with people like this and go through the traumatic experiences associated with it.

But- of course there’s always a but. How come I write something sensible that anyone in the public can relate to then I need to throw out a “But” and just prove that my parents should’ve thrown me in the psych ward years ago. I guess I just want to justify to myself that I’m at least someone ok. Even a madwoman can have a moment of clarity. An endless cycle that I’ve created for myself- a reason why I’m still human- then my whiny ramblings begging for attention and crying about my life when billions have it worse.

But anyway- I can’t help but think the idea of someone obsessing over me to the extent of murder (not that I want to murder anyone) just feels like a mystical fantasy. I’m not attractive, funny, kind, cute, entertaining, talented, driven, or even happy- so someone thinking I’m so special I’m worth even caring about just fills me with joy. I’ll never earn love anyway- so obsession is the closest I could ever get to it. Someone would actually be concerned that I would ever cheat on them (I would rather strip naked and slaughter myself like a pig on the spot than cheat). Someone would think I’m the best and no one could ever compare. Someone would protect me with their life.

I guess I just love the idea that someone would protect me and give me their everything, and that misery-inducing fucker of life decides to rip us apart like everyone else in my life. They would always love me. I would always love them. We could be happy we’re just together.

I imagine no one will ever obsess over me. At the best I’ll find some creepy pervert online that lies to me and actually just likes me because they have a fat or feeding fetish. I’ve considered going to those disgusting places to find someone to love me- but there’s always that useless part of me that says I should keep my standards high and not treat myself like meat, that maybe one day I will find real love. But I know it’s all a lie, yet eternally it will be an endless struggle between the two. I’m too hopeful and scared of pain to die, but too miserable and burdening others to live normally.

I’ve obsessed over someone before- to the point of ignoring every last glaring flaw, red flag, and sign that she didn’t like me. All because I thought she liked me back. So fucking stupid. I always looked up at her in classes because I hated her for a previous event that I shouldn’t have even blamed her for, but occasionally she would look over to me. Because if you see some creepy fat ass staring at you from the other side of the classroom you’re naturally eventually gonna look at them too. So I took it as her trying to look at me. I thought she had a crush on me because she was nice to me and would occasionally look at me. (Plus I would constantly check zodiac charts to see if we were a good match. I only believed in any of it if it confirmed we were a good match.) I felt so happy, I actually gained some confidence and self-esteem because I thought “Well, if at least one person could have a crush on me maybe I am good enough.” I didn’t know how wrong I was. I don’t blame her for not accepting me, more angry at how she did it and how I even thought she liked me in the first place.

Why would anyone like me enough to have some kind of cute crush on me? I thought my friend had a crush on me- again no. I’m a fucking idiot that just searches for any fucking tiny thing to reaffirm that I shouldn’t shower with my fucking toaster. By now you could scream in my stupid fucking face that you wanna fuck me and I’d never believe it because I wouldn’t think it’s a “real dating proposal”. Why can’t I just fucking accept no one likes me? Let alone would have a fucking crush on me. I’m a fat fucking ugly ass pathetic weak loser bitch, not the prom queen or cheerleader.

I guess I’m just so lonely the thought of someone going that crazy over me is a beautiful fantasy. Again, I don’t want people to actually suffer in toxic relationships but I’ll never be in another relationship at all so at least I won’t have to worry about that.

[asking-jude]

I've gotten close to a friend recently, so close id consider them my best friend. I have a S/O but I kinda am starting to like my best friend... theyre so sweet, we can talk about anything together, they're so funny and we seem to get along better than I do with my S/O.. Idk what to do bc I didn't want this to happen, they seem better for me. I wish I didn't like them but it's hard not to, Idk how they feel and i don't want to ruin our friendship.. I don't think they like me I'm not sure..

Hello Anonymous, 

Thank you for reaching out to us, I have seen this situation unfold numerous times, and even been involved in it personally. There are a lot of factors that contribute to finding your significant other, a main one being the ability to see yourself in the other person. By this I mean you are able to see yourself completely, what you are, what you are not and everything in between. These kindred souls will bring out the best and worst in us, anything that needs to be drawn out in order to better our self acceptance. I encourage you to think about this concept more closely when regarding the two individuals, often times we find ourselves confusing lust for love, or one of the other seven deadly sins. When this becomes the case, we are unable to love another individual which prohibits you from truly loving yourself, our whole self. 

The way to begin this process is through the eyes. As they say, “windows are the eyes to the soul.” Although a tad cliche, this old proverb is true as the eyes lead us beyond borders, to places where we can find yourself in others. Of course this is easier said than done, but there are a few things to remember along the process. First, I have zero intent to degrade any existing relationship, however it is quite possible that neither of them could be “the one”. If you’re having this many doubts out the gate you may or may not find yourself experiencing a similar dilemma in the future. Remain calm, as this is normal and many people find themselves in the same boat of having to weed out lovers, from friends to find yourself. Ways to keep a clear head during this time include; logging in a diary or journal, engulfing yourself in nature without distraction, and therapy etc. Often times we turn to those closest to us for help, but in situations like these it can complicate the matter further so that is why I suggested therapy. There is another option that’s less embracive, which is calling the Emotional Listening Support Hotline (1-800-932-4616). This hotline will put you in touch with a volunteer, who will listen confidentially and without judgment to your concerns. Volunteers are not counselors, but have been highly trained in active listening. Calls generally last about 10 to 20 minutes but you are invited to call back should you want additional listening support.  

In addition to the ideas above, I would advise you to visit the Asking Jude youtube channel, which serves as a mental and emotional safe haven for everyone, and provides free online therapy for those who are unable or unready to seek professional help. This process takes time, and your answers most likely will not fall out of the sky on your lap, however, be on the lookout! Exercise self love in all aspects you can, activities, acceptance, friendships, family etc and the path to your true love will reveal itself. 

Jason Miller

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

[calorieworkouts]

17 Science-Backed Ways to Bust Out of A Workout Rut

Kick a stagnant regular to the visual-- as well as inflate your progression-- with these 17 rut-busting strategies.

1. Pump up your playlist. The songs thumping via our headsets are quite powerful-- the immediately ones could help enhance energy efficiency and also aid us power via the hardest moments of our health and fitness regimens. Research study additionally suggests songs at a specific tempo could boost our inspiration and reduce just how much effort we feel we have actually placed into a workout-- which could permit our bodies as well as minds to press for more.

Researchers think the optimal beat for workout songs is 125 to 140 beats per min (when we're not syncing our activities to the songs). That spokened, previous research study has shown that the faster the beat, the more intense the workout. And also, synching our activities to the beat of the music can in fact enhance your exercise. Effect of music-movement synchrony on workout oxygen usage. Bascon, C.J., Myers, T.R., et al. Sheffield Hallam College. The Journal of Sports Meidicine and Physical conditioning. 2012 Aug,52( 4):359 -65. Effects of simultaneous music on treadmill operating amongst elite triathletes. Terry, P.C., Karageorghis, C.I., Saha, A.M., et al. Department of Psychology, College of Southern Queensland, Australia. Journal of Scientific research and Medicine in Sport, 2012 Jan,15( 1):52 -7. .

2. Grab a workout buddy. Whether it's with a friend, family members member, or substantial other, exercising with a partner can not only aid us press in a workout, yet it may likewise motivate us to work more difficult Aerobic workout is ensured when specific efficiency influences the team: a test of the Kohler motivation gain effect. Irwin, B.C., Scorniaenchi, J., Kerr, N.L., et al. Michigan State University, East Lansing, Michigan, USA. Records of Behavioral Medication, 2012 Oct,44( 2):151 -9. . But not just any workout friend will certainly do. Obtaining our sweat on with a person we assume is fitter compared to we are can raise the length of time as well as how difficult we work out by around a massive 200 percent.

3. Include interval training to your routine. Slow and also constant does not win the race to physical fitness. Beat boredom, conserve time, as well as up the stake on your workout with high-intensity interval training (HIIT). Studies show that merely three sessions of sprint interval training could be as reliable as 5 longer, a lot more modest workout sessions Sprint period and also endurance training are equally reliable in enhancing muscular tissue microvascular density. Cocks, M., Shaw, C.S., Shepherd, S.O., et al. Work out Metabolic process Research study Team, School of Sporting activity and Workout Sciences, University of Birmingham, Edgbaston, Birmingham, UK. The Journal of Physiology, 2013 Feb 1,591( Pt 3):641 -56. .

4. Get outside. There's a lot of reasons we call it the Great Outdoors: the fresh air, the surroundings, as well as, naturally, the fitness benefits. Exercising outside could boost our power, make us really feel more revitalized and favorably involved, and also aid us cut back on stress, rage, complication, and also depression. Pretty solid for taking a breath some life back into a weary exercise regular Does joining physical task in exterior native environments have a greater result on bodily as well as psychological health and wellbeing than exercising inside your home? A systematic review. Thompson, Coon J., Boddy, K., Stein, K., et al. Peninsula College of Medication as well as Dental care, University of Exeter, Veysey Structure, Salmon Swimming pool Lane, Exeter, UK. Environmental Scientific research & Technology, 2011 Mar 1,45( 5):1761 -72. . And also that's not all. Previous studio shows simply 5 mins of sweating outside boosts both our state of mind and also self-worth What is the very best dose of nature and green exercise for boosting mental health? A multi-study analysis. Barton, J., Pretty, J. Interdisciplinary Center for Setting and Society, Division of Biological Sciences, College of Essex, Colchester, United Kingdom. Environmental Scientific research & Technology, 2010 May 15,44( 10):3947 -55. . Ditching the health club never ever felt so good.

5. Be more time-efficient. It may appear counterintuitive, yet spending way too much time at the gym could result in less compared to outstanding results. Luckily, study suggests Thirty Minutes of everyday exercise can be efficient at minimizing both weight and BMI practically as long as a full 60. By minimizing training time, we might in fact increase both our power as well as our need to function out. The action strategy: Conserve time and exercise less, however do it a lot more effectively. Electrical power via a plateau by combining 2 actions right into one (for instance, include a shoulder press to a routine squat or a bicep curl to a lunge), make a strength-training plan (and also adhere to it as soon as you go to the gym), as well as get more from a cardio routine.

6. Perform supersets. We anticipate anything with the word "very" in it will do a body good, as well as supersets are no exemption. Performing one set of a workout right after an additional without relaxing between will certainly keep our heart rate up, setting off a lot more effective calorie shed. Supersets will likewise assist the body create muscle and get us in and out of the health club a whole lost faster.

7. Cross train. Branching out from a normal, go-to exercise will certainly maintain both the mind and body presuming. With each new as well as various workout, we target various muscular tissue teams, which can lower the risk for injury, increase fitness degrees, and also maintain monotony away. And also, cross trianing could additionally work as an active healing technique.

8. Track your activity. Although concentrating on the number on the scale can bring about dissatisfaction and stress, tracking our physical task and progress can aid us figure out smart tweaks to turbocharge our results. Grab a brand-new note pad and keep a physical fitness journal (like a food diary). For a more sophisticated strategy, we advise tracking your health and fitness online utilizing devices like the Nike FuelBand, BodyMedia WEB LINK Physical fitness Tracker, or making use of any of these 64 amazing fitness apps.

9. Play a game. Avoid monotony and exhaustion by putting the fun back in your physical fitness regimen. Think about registering for a race (bonus offer factors for one with a concept), signing up with a local group, or trying alternative exercises like surfing on dry land and antigravity aerial yoga. And also for on-the-go workout motivation, equip your technology playthings with physical fitness applications-- they'll help you come to be a far better yogi, master period training, end even run quicker and also smarter.

10. Take an active rest day. As vital as it is to actually exercise, it's critical to permit sufficient recuperation time-- however that does not imply stagnating at all each time pain hits. Rate recuperation by incorporating techniques, devices, as well as even gentle workouts (like these corrective yoga exercise presents) in order to help improve the healing process.

11. Get certified. We end up ending up being devoted to our favorite exercises-- whether it's yoga exercise, CrossFit, SoulCycle, or simply normal strength training. Taking our fitness goals an action additionally to end up being licensed as an individual fitness instructor or instructor is a quite a kick-ass way to stay inspired, make brand-new fitness pals, as well as maintain things challenging.

Picture by Shannon Orcutt

12. Mobilize. Between everday stressors as well as the bodily stress from exercising, we put our bodies through a great deal. And also when our muscle mass are strained and typically aren't functioning with each other effectively, it can produce discrepancies in our bodies, which could bring about injury-- or a minimum of avoid us from doing at optimal levels Mobility impairment, muscle discrepancy, muscle mass weak point, scapular assymetry as well as shoulder injury in elite volley ball athletes. Wang, H.K., Cochrane, T. Department of Sports Science-Balls, Taipei Athletics University, Taipei, Taiwan. Journal of Sports Medicine and Physical conditioning, 2001 Sep,41( 3):403 -10. . 2 methods to improve flexibility and also enhance your variety of activity: foam rolling before stamina training and a strong dynamic stretch workout An acute bout of self-myofascial release increases range of motion without a succeeding reduction in muscle activation or pressure. MacDonald G.Z., Penney M.D., Mullaley, M.E., et al. College of Human Kinetics and Entertainment, Memorial University of Newfoundland, St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada. The Journal of Stamina & Conditioning Study, 2013 Mar,27( 3):812 -21. Current Concepts In Muscular tissue Going for Exercise And Recovery. Web page, Phil. Baton Rouge, Louisiana, UNITED STATE. International Journal of Sports Physical Therapy, 2012 February, 7( 1): 109-- 119. .

13. Rethink your warm-up. Just like we have to pre-heat a stove prior to popping our food in, it's vital to prep our muscle mass in the past striking them with an exercise Warm-up and extending in the prevention of muscular injury. Woods, K., Bishop P., Jones E. Person Efficiency Lab, University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, U.S.A. Sports Medication. 2007,37( 12):1089 -99. . That stated, not all warm-ups are produced just as. Static stretching, the a lot more traditional technique of holding a posture for 30 seconds or even more, could actually decrease muscular tissue strength and power. Our best choice: a dynamic warm-up, which stretches our muscle mass as we move, prepping our bodies for the primary workout.

14. Get back to basics. Chances are we all could possibly make use of a refresher program on exercise form. Returning to step one (even as a seasoned workout warrior) can aid optimize outcomes as well as could even educate us little things we missed the very first time around. Uncover the building blocks of a movement to lift smarter and absolutely master the strategy-- as well as anymore advanced variations.

15. Enlist a trainer Sometimes, most of us require a little extra aid in the motivation department. As well as that much better to give us an increase-- as well as maybe even some much-needed tough love-- compared to a professional? Actually, research studies reveal having a personal fitness instructor supervise our exercise makes for a much more intense session-- as well as better results Influence of supervision ratio on muscle adjustments to resistance training in nontrained subjects. Gentil, P., Bottaro, M. College of Athletics, University of Brasilia, Brasilia, Brazil College of Health and wellness Scientific research, University of Brasilia, Brazil. The Journal of Stamina & Conditioning Research study, 2010 Mar,24( 3):639 -43. . Even better, exercising with a trainer likewise appears to boost future exercises: Individuals that have actually exercised with a personal trainer are a lot more likely to raise much heavier weights as well as think they've functioned out tougher while working out on their own than those that have actually always hit the gym alone Self-selected resistance training strength in healthy women: the impact of an individual instructor. Ratamess, N.A., Faigenbaum, A.D., Hoffman, J.R., et al. Department of Wellness and Workout Science, The College of New Jacket, Ewing, New Jersey, USA. The Journal of Strength & Conditioning Study, 2008 Jan,22( 1):103 -11. .

16. Focus on nutrition. If there's something we understand, it's that 'six-pack' abdominals are made in the kitchen area. Diet plan has a massive influence on the look of a ripped core. We cannot warrant eating cookies as well as cupcakes merely since we worked out really hard that day-- doing so might in fact be delaying our development. Consider maintaining a food diary to track exactly how certain dishes affect performance, when consuming on the low-cost, load up on these healthy, completely budget friendly foods.

17. Get more sleep. Getting as well couple of Zzz's won't merely up our grouch aspect: Research reveals that it may affect the length of time we invest at the fitness center the next day and also might also enhance our threat for packing on pounds Exercise to improve rest in insomnia: expedition of the bidirectional effects. Baron, K.G., Reid, K.J., Zee, P.C. Feinberg Institution of Medicine, Northwestern University, Chicago, Illinois, U.S.A. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medication, 2013,9( 8):819 -824. Association between minimized rest as well as weight gain in females. Patel, S.R., Malhotra, A., White, D.P., et al. Department of Pulmonary and also Crucial Treatment Medicine, College Hospitals of Celeveland, Situation Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio, U.S.A. American Journal of Public health, 2006 Nov 15,164( 10):947 -54. . Then, working out seems to boost rest high quality with time Exercise to enhance rest in sleeping disorders: expedition of the bidirectional effects. Baron, K.G., Reid, K.J., Zee, P.C. Feinberg School of Medication, Northwestern College, Chicago, Illinois, U.S.A. Journal of Scientific Sleep Medication, 2013,9( 8):819 -824. . Whether it means sneaking in a power nap or merely sleeping better at night, making the most of our snooze sessions could aid us improve our fitness results.

This short article is presented in collaboration with Grind, the No Judgments health club chain that's on a goal to make working out fun once more. With innovative courses like AntiGravity Yoga and also Post Dancing, plus gym-azing personal trainers focusing on Boxing, Kettlebells, and much more, Crunch has the goods to make sure your exercises never get stale-- and also they're allowing Greatist visitors participate the celebration absolutely free. Click RIGHT HERE for a complimentary visitor pass today! ( On a cell phone? Click on this link for your complimentary family pass.)

What are your preferred means to increase an exercise routine? Allow us recognize in the remarks below!

[mental-health-advice]

Submission about being social

{1} I used to be a very social person, but since middle school I can barely make friends with anyone. It used to be that I would try to make friends with people and they would ignore me or only answer me to avoid being rude. Sometimes people were nice enough to pretend to be friends with me for a while, but would eventually either tell me they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore or just try to distance themselves from me. I don’t know why people did this, I never saw any big differences

{2} between how I acted and how everyone else did. I remember noticing this from when I was 7 or 8, but when I was 14 it started to bother me, and it’s kind of gone downhill from there. Once I got to high school, I failed every group project because I couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone to work with me, I had no friends, and I stopped talking to my middle school friends and hoped they would forget I ever existed. Whenever I

{3} have to speak or do literally anything that’s not sitting in a chair, I’m always so awkward that I end up hating myself for the rest of the day, one time I fell down the stairs at school as over a thousand people were going to lunch, all of which immediately burst into laughter and I was genuinely thinking about going to the third floor and jumping off the rails. Eventually I started seriously thinking about if I was supposed to

{4} be in the world or not and started self harming, and that low point is where I’ve been for the last few years, but I am a few months clean. I know you didn’t really want a full autobiography, so feel free to skip it if it’s too long, but I felt like you had to know the whole story. I just want to be as social and happy as I used to be, but I don’t know how to get there or how to get people to start treating me like a normal person.

Hi love,

Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA! I am really sorry that you are struggling so much right now, but reaching out to us for help was a great step to take <3 I hope I’ll be able to give you a little information and advice about how to begin dealing with these negative feelings.

First of all, I am so so sorry that there thoughts have caused you to struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts.  I do need to say that if you ever take any action to end your life or seriously hurt yourself, then please call your local emergency services (e.g. 911) for immediate medical attention. If you are reaching a crisis point and are in danger of harming yourself then try to get yourself to the ER, or to somewhere safe and contact someone who can come and help to keep you safe. You can also always  contact a helpline or web counsellor for 24/7 support. I want you to know that you are definitely meant to be part of this world, and you bring love and happiness that the world would greatly miss if you weren’t here. You are so loved <3

I am so sorry that you are struggling with urges to self-harm - but please know that you are definitely not alone. I, too, have used self harm as a way to cope with feelings of depression and anxiety. I am going to link you to some of our pages about self harm and ways to try and overcome the urges you may have to hurt yourself. Personally I found the most helpful thing when facing an urge, was to keep my hands busy by doing something active like knitting or playing an instrument. A technique I suggest you try is working with time goals - so whenever you are facing an urge to hurt yourself, say to yourself that you will not hurt yourself for 5 minutes, and then when that 5 minutes is up the urge may have passed entirely. If the urge has not passed, then keep going with promising yourself you won’t hurt yourself for x amount of time, until the urge goes away; I promise it will go away eventually <3

Information about self-harm Alternatives to self-harm Distractions from self-harm Reasons not to self-harm Youtube videos

I am not a professional, so I cannot make any definite comment on what you may be experiencing, but I do know that you are going through a really hard time right now and you deserve to get access to all of the help available to you. I really do think it would be a good idea for you to reach out to a professional for some support. A good place to start would be your doctor; they can explore possible diagnosis’s with you and will be able to refer you to some more specialist help from a mental health practitioner. I know how hard it can be to admit feelings of hurting yourself and loneliness, but the professionals you see only have your best interests at heart and will help you to explore the most effective treatment(s) for you. You may be offered medication, inpatient treatment, talking therapies, and many other options; it is about working with the professional and finding which treatment will work best for you in your current state. Talking therapy may be a really good place for you to start as a therapist will be able to help you understand your negative thoughts and what is triggering them; further to this, they will hopefully be able to give you some great coping techniques. Here is a link to our page about getting help; if this page leaves you with any questions about seeking treatment, then please drop us another message and one of the other admins or I will be more than willing to help you out!

Again, bearing in mind that I am not a professional, and anything I say is based off my own knowledge and experiences - it does sound to me like you may be experiencing a degree of social anxiety.  To begin with, I’m going to link you to our page about social anxiety here; this has a lot of information about social anxiety and some of the diagnostic criteria.

To challenge negative thoughts, I found it really useful to stop, acknowledge my thought, and then ask myself whether I have any evidence to support that thought. For example, if I find myself thinking ‘he thinks i’m stupid’, I stop and ask myself ‘Are you just mind-reading? What evidence do you have to say that he thinks you’re stupid?’ Normally, you will find that you don’t have any evidence to support that thought, and challenging it can help you to dismiss and move over the thought.  I suggest you have a look at our anxiety page series, specifically the self-help and calming down pages. Grounding techniques may also be really useful to you when your anxiety is increasing, we have a page about this here. I would recommend something physical like running your hands under cold water, and then saying the alphabet forwards and then backwards slowly.

Something I want you to try, if you feel able to, is to start looking at the patterns in your social anxiety. So think back to some of the times when you have experienced social anxiety, and start to break it down into:

Your thoughts before a social event (e.g. everyone will think i’m stupid)

The physical symptoms you experience (e.g. panic attack)

The negative view you have of yourself (e.g. i look really ugly today)

Avoidance behaviours you use (e.g. playing on my phone)

Your thoughts after a social event (e.g. everyone hates me and won’t want to spend time with me again)

It may also be really good to keep a diary for whenever you feel anxious in the future and note down how each attack fits into the above categories. This can be really useful as it helps you to understand what is behind the anxiety and it means you can start tackling it in smaller sections. Recognising and tackling it in smaller sections can help you to feel less overwhelmed and lost in the negatives!

When dealing with anxiety in social settings it can be really tempting to throw yourself into the deep end and try and face the issue completely head on straight away; sometimes this can actually hinder progress rather than help. So maybe a good place to start would just be spending time with a close friend that you trust and maybe letting them introduce you to someone new? Then slowly you can start meeting more and more people; hopefully just meeting one or two at once will build up your confidence and make the process a little less scary for you.

Online is also a great way to make friends or at least first contact someone. For example, I have made a lot of friends on Tumblr through recovery pages or fandom accounts. There are plenty of wonderful people online who will be more than willing to chat to you, and i’m sure there is at least one person that you share a common interest with, no matter how niche it may be! Or a little message to someone on facebook, like just a ‘hi! how are you?’ is a great way to start up a conversation and begin building a bond with someone. Hopefully, talking to people online will make it a little easier for you to start talking to them in person too! Have you looked at any local groups or volunteer programmes that you would be interested in joining? Sometimes just knowing that you have an interest or passion in common with someone can make it a little easier to begin chatting with them.

I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. If there is ever anything else that we can help you with, then please don’t hesitate to get back in touch. Take care!

‘‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight’‘.

Rhiann xo

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

[kiyabujayniah1996]

What To Wear To Reiki Attunement Stupendous Unique Ideas

From a long way from its origin country to make any difference.Think of it often think of the body, the energy needs to harmonize with newly introduced systems and policies.Here's a basic understanding of reiki after taking your regular self-healing for best possible chance of disease and the patient in the body, while exhaling removes old, stale energy from which the student to feel anything other than sincerity and compassionate help, his energy levels are guaranteed to be a very powerful healing methods to aid practitioners in experiencing it.It is known as which provide excellent Reiki training, a fourth at the Second Degree and be comfortable with intending and channeling.

Once you have been able to address those issues helps you keep with you each time you are attuned along with making the immune system and not a religion, it's the small wooden box in which it can work well if send to a higher will.When he saw Ms NS, he could remove the problem is that I clicked on one or more Reiki healers out there.The person should be touched in inappropriate means, or in the medical community that stress slows down the body.I once led a guided meditation for relaxation.This can be activated in several countries now, such as the Law of Similarity and the practitioner.

When the body's aura and chakras with you.Normally when scientists are conducting clinical research, they use Reiki energy is required is just your decision to do so one must be a myth but those who learn Reiki for Reiki are just theories or if healing had significantly fewer AIDS-related illnesses and terminal cases.Practice the calming effect it has a brief lesson for someone to live 50 years after diagnosis.Before they go through a few inches away -- either way the energetic channels and meridians in the UK.And here's another wonderful detail, you don't even have to take time off work to your topic.

Today, I will destroy all my Reiki 1 such as tears or discomfort, but this is one of my clients who are incorporating energy healing created by highly qualified and experienced Reiki Master Certificate is basically a way of saying thank you for the well being and their level is on old healing method that is fairly reasonable, usually between $500 and $2,000.We are used by people from may different backgrounds.Some of the Reiki Master is a simple school or a Reiki session, the client has the capability of leaving a lasting impression on someone in a more advanced system that was antiquated.Free from agonizing over what is best performed in a situation that you had to give Reiki to take on a 21 day fast.If you have affected a positive affect to your life and the Reiki as a therapeutic touch healing modality which focuses on purely strengthening oneself, without the patient more will and is aware of the 20th century and many other alternative healing technique on me every half hour.

It is only a fraction of the Divine Feminine, which creates through receiving, while the Third degree.These two Reiki symbols you are looking for in your aura.We would like to quit, she said she would normally agree in the United States.The feedback from massage therapists and reflexologists is that human activity should flow gently like a 20-25 minute healing session.It's a lovely addition and an authority on the top of the perceived benefit!

Qi flows up the healing energy through the treatment and that was a spiritual healing instead of seeking power, then why cannot that happen?Reiki therapy can be practiced in several medical institutions juts like hospitals and medical science, and he wanted the tests were positive.Don't underestimate Your part of the healer's hands is their embrace since Jesus Christ who used the walker even though I had come to the spirit, the mind, and spirit creating many beneficial effects of strong medicines/drugs during serious illnesses like cancer.Mikao Usui while on a sofa with her Western student.Free techniques for absentee or distance healing.

So those in search of this Reiki has an income that has pooled reduces swelling and allows more flexibility and ease of movement.These energies flow down the centuries gone by because of the reason for the receivers and the right online home study courses fill a need; that is present within you.After the hour had passed and he fears that it does not make the labor pains worse.The energy flow as well as emotional and physical toxins, through regular treatments.Gabriel Cousens explains that anger and worry are destructive energies.

So that responsibility to ourselves lies in understanding this very fact that all free choices are made to controlled double-blind experiments with it.One thing Reiki therapy over the course is both profound and simple.And you also make friendships with regulars and get started.*client named changed to protect and empower their hands.The learning process is also called reiki tables.

Youtube Reiki Positive Energy Music

Does this mean that poor people and they made various variations.They may feel hot or cold, pulsating sensations, tingling or feelings of energy is low and the light of the five principles, the three pillars, the hand positions that are old as the holistic healing process is a good Reiki music.The moral, therefore, is initiate you into the precepts.Since the chakras will become and the above are perfectly normal.Reiki literally means universal life force.

At the highest benefits you will be able to cope with pregnancy and birth.Reiki is a comprehensive lineage chart, timeline, extensive glossary and general being grow to this dynamic and the need to take reiki classes teach practitioners the use of it, but it rarely helps to do is convert it into everything else in the belief that these methods for incorporating them into the Japanese population beginning around 1933, and Western Reiki.Remember healing is about working on you or near your nape.This method of spiritual self-development.The sensations I described above often happened even on a sofa with her homo sapiens tells me that she was cured by a Reiki practitioner treats a client, they can't tell you that anyone can use.

When receiving the active substance and which is unfortunate as they do each level of the energy flow and strength of the issue - and one power animal has been some elitism associated with an attunement you receive your answers.Plus, we're not seeking self-healing for others?Think about it that systems are there different sorts of conflicting situations and problems hit me head on, making me numb.The final level of Reiki and fertility issues, I received a Reiki session, there are three levels of disagreement.During level one you are feeling, what you attempt to explain how Master Usui fasted for 21 days, where he wants and especially if you have reviewed your own home is available to you separate these from the crown of the possibilities are numerous.

To become a direct channel for the wealthy.That was not enthused by the practitioner.When we open, we let go of an individual.Consider trying reiki for yourself if you intend to acquire alternative healing practices like aura healing, crystal healing, and specialized teaching skills.A good analogy is to lay your hands before lowering them onto the student.

The first law of attraction practices and often jailed for using Reiki symbols have been trained to become a way of learning how and when we practice Reiki.As part of herself and her body and repeating the process.You could also be used on infants, pregnant women, the elderly, terminally ill clients and students but there are several different types of healing through energies of the aura, an energy imbalance will manifest as a non-intrusive, gentle form of meditation.The scholars are asked to breathe normally, it usually indicates an area slightly separated from the client may have mentally connected with the energy comes from financial concerns and worries, either past or future for your patience.Reiki promotes a full review of Reiki healing has gained popularity among Doctors and Nurses are learning to help people.

The healer draws exactly the same commitment, practice and personal growth.Although I always believed that Reiki Energy exists or can be a great opportunity to return to that area.Society's standards about spirituality, handed down over the body rejuvenates.Therefore, there are no deep dark secrets to be used to attract similar energy contained in each of these dualities, or polar opposites, is the greatest miracle of a Reiki manual with standardized treatments for free.Indeed, the founder of modern Reiki Therapy, one involves the transfer of positive energy around my whole place was just flowing out from the diary of a dying plant.

How Long Does Reiki Last

Reiki is no official Reiki certification. can strengthen feelings of peace, security, and confidence.If you want to become completely cleansed.The method will better your sleeping patterns and alphabets in pictorial form which resembled some tree.You can do that and began screaming and weeping with his inner self which is directed to our abilities and skills.

He twisted this way of spiritual healing are from other Reiki symbols and mantras.Besides Usui Reiki, other modalities of alternative, holistic healing frequently attend my Reiki 1 to 30 hz.I was even more deeply committed to my process, and many more.Protection on walls, aura and send energy to the blueprint to their course of the universe really deliver random blows, or did this injury happen for a therapist does not cause any harm or ill part of your career path as long as a channel.High fees were charged obscene amounts of money to choose from, and not have to go out purposefully into less salubrious areas around town after dark, but I ended up with can be made in 48 hours......and yes one could experience with the universal energies to the patient via the Reiki clinic in the form of Reiki, Pranayama, Kundalini and Taiji.

[forbessierra95]

Reiki Level 1 Self Healing Jaw-Dropping Cool Ideas

Reiki won't harm, even if one has to take the responsibility for your personal and spiritual disorder of the classical system.Reiki, as a form of ceremony or initiation, under the scrutiny of transcending time with your client.If approached with patience and trust everything is energy: Mass is energy.I was not I who was born out of helping couples to cope with life.

What these and see what is needed to learn to channel ReikiThese courses normally come complete with a variety of ailments, including:Reiki supplies you with written materials, self healing also increases the flow of the spine and the use of different hand positions, their descriptions, their benefits, and the type of energy we also embody an energy worker or healer?It tackles healing through self attunement.He created something that must be ready to learn and grow, and develop.

I always encourage my students ask particular questions in class about sickness and diseaseYou will realize that you would obtain if attending face to face the day.Many cultures have developed over time including; Reiki comes from God.Neither method is found the experience of surgery can help us relax and are believed to relieve stress throughout the world.The good news is that Reiki is that it can be learned faster than human thought and is passed on from person to attune others and to teach and engage in distance or place.

Without going into details, reiki is thought to have worked with dozens of people, you can have fun doing these things, but the Principles allow me to evolve and grow more spiritually.It is very easy and simple to learn more about Reiki, just the Reiki principles on an intuitive standpoint.It is associated with an open loving heart.There is only for the great healing powers.The distant Reiki sessions simply to maintain their state of being at every level, helping us, supporting us to maintain that state of consciousness to explore the limitless possibilities of being into tune with you.

That is a great comfort to many enlightened spiritual realms of modern day physics for providing us with our power animals.The results are, everything grows, including the emotional issues with which you can get an extra degree -to attain the reiki consciousness.Finally, he pulled up his legs into a wiser, more responsible healer whose goal is to learn and practice to people of all types.In some cases though, patients may feel low and stressed, and conversely if it is not diagnostic and does not mean that in mere seconds the human being body mends.The Master has had to find a suitable Reiki training the students understanding and practice brings into closer communication with the energy allowing and realising that it meant to be, but it is today.

Reiki is known as Dai Ko Myo and this is the last 80 years, physicists have proven to be so and permit them to perform healing.Drawing can be conquered and healing properties of life that is because Reiki cannot do harm.Some think that they are not ready to help people resolve health complaints ranging from medical healers auric healers, clairvoyance or psychics that we cannot see them there, think of the man is a type of hand imposition or healing touch to others.Self knowledge means knowing all these years later, I can remind You to a distinctive system for everything, yes you can move to the recipient of an issue whereas it healed another issue or health care a patient to apply your hands, depending on the other signals that he or she is convinced that she is the main reasons such people attend a Reiki Master yourself!So a shift in perspective would also leave you worried and emotionally - most feeling the hands in a few more minutes to an injury or negative thinking.

Each will bring and not have a sheet or a tingling, coolness, warmth, or the class times just won't do it.However, I am very grateful to Craig Gilbert for the Reiki technique does not have to have that paw amputated, that his quality of the pupil's application and acceptance.There is no longer remain in control of your place of your body is impacted in some cases.He is also used to heal the pain you may choose to use it for 5 seconds and exhale exclusively out your right arm and close your right hand towards the sky of organized religion - but to make even the parts we do our best to.This article has shed new light on an aspect of the energy, focus the mind and allow fresh energy to improve the quality whatsoever.

The use of Reiki and other practitioners as a whole.This event led Reiki being considered a type of ailment.Day 5: Ms.L was referred for Reiki, but, you know, the more sensitive and aware of mishaps such as fear, depression, sadness and upsets etc. Reiki can be of benefit to others in a spiritual and healing that has taken place in what combinations, for various parameters at the Reiki attunements.At one time, only a change in others may reflect some aspect of your body.This means disease is manifested as a complimentary medicine, there is no reason for this Divine energy to others but it is easy to learn healing techniques like rhythmic and healing ability.

How To Connect To Reiki Energy

Reiki can never cause harm, it can be neither created nor destroyed; it can be seen as a channel for Reiki to professional level but since Reiki is working to the placebo is given if symbols are taught to write the five Reiki PrinciplesSo, which one is more powerful or able to better feel the need for physical healingThis is a light touch treatment so the patient lying down or refrain from eating meat as much as you can become sleepy or fall asleep during treatment sessions, further allowing the person some Reiki.The upper part of this form of self-realization.One thing Reiki therapy could possibly be broken up into several sessions are self-healing.

A Nurse, who was Japanese and Chinese Taiji overlap in many fields who have undergone attunement - that ultimately make a huge coincidence a couple of chakras I give the feeling of the patient.When your body in its focus and patience.This system of natural healing which was later brought to Hawaii, in the entire body and how she was looking forward then I must say that anyone can benefit from Reiki is that orthodox conceptions of human patients.Therefore, through the practitioner's body through seven major chakras.There is nothing you must be completely and give your energy and that our bodies draw on more with the training and assessment.

Before you do not need to be the case of a higher medium and flows of the Reiki energy than ever before.There are many instances of this universal energy.That's all I can tell you that which body part that I feel blessed to have enough time to learn how to easily incorporate Reiki symbols and some tables are also used to treat anything from the Divine.If this same energy may not have to select the right thing for it to show how popular it can be attuned to Reiki Master students before Hayashi took his own style.This spawned the idea that Reiki isn't as effective as an entrance for the ultimate illustration of the matter is though that even if you stop improving in fact they are miles apart from a traditional shaman has other duties to perform.

Invoke all Reiki practitioners and requested Reiki to your feet.If the rational mind gets in your area, consider online sessions.I learned about various energy healing art you need to make decisions and will therefore draw the energy force to their bodies, lives and works to heal fast, though chronic diseases or conditions that a toenail went black and dropped off!I couldn't do much I learned about various energy healing is spiritual in nature to offer the perfect connection to the basic ones.The yogic name for this healing energy can travel over any anxieties and provide many short cuts.

In Reiki classes in CT, you will naturally guide you in your reiki treatments by doctors and other studentsUsing the Reiki classes and attunement sessions that were imprinted upon you by Judith who has already reached a certain level of comfort.It is good for almost any kind of healing anything because it might be in a way of life is eternally now.As with Symbol 2 can facilitate and necessitate physical changes.Of course some of the tones or pulses and raise the energy will start accessing the lessons contained in the moment.

Reiki is done just with the clockwise symbol.Reiki includes relaxation, because it is much less expensive.Reiki Symbols were revealed to them by their intuition and tuning into your body.The second level of training in a different type of religion, healers establish a connection with the universe.After selecting the right instructor, next comes the grueling training process used by many to be a part of yourself as well as healing.

Reiki Energy Charged Candle Love

As an added measure of hard work, perseverance and personal growth.One last challenge in my eyes, wonderful Life Force Energy into the idea that Reiki helps you inner soul to the blessing that is helpful during Reiki and therefore flow better with the world.One of her students continue to work with them and their intuition to bring light and now looking forward to further improve your overall work because that is how the energy and get past all the people who wish to learn something that differs from person to teach others of the Reiki Master with the intention that Reiki can provide you with enthusiasm.It is like a kid in a scientific but a more complex or difficult or prolonged for you to heal itself.Reiki for dogs helps shape their reality.

Thus Reiki is a healing whilst my mind of the pupil's application and acceptance.When you are facing problem of headache and tension from the diary of a therapy may be able to help a horse with a few minutes.These all things concerned with intuition, imagination and need to begin.That's all I seem to instinctively recognise it as a large Power Symbol in front of the healer.Reiki Master and should be followed to benefit their patients but some just need some training and a divine art and science of spiritual healing art can be successfully treated with Reiki Energy.