#so ive been chain smoking basically

[clits-and-clips]

Do you see a difference in not smoking weed? I’ve been trying to cut down. I smoke like 3 spliffs a day if I’m really stressed lol and it’s going on 5 years since I started. I will admit, I have cut down a LOT imo. I used to chain smoke back to back like 6 or more a day especially when I was together with my ex. But what helps you get your mind off of smoking or trying to fight the urge?

Ah jeez, I quit the day he broke up with me because I thought maybe he would take me back lmao, but I wanted to quit for a long time before that so that made it easier. I'm definitely less agitated, less anxious but I still have anxiety. I was smoking all day every day for two years, before that it was every day but not consistent throughout. I've been reading a lot, but when I cant concentrate on that I just sit on my phone a lot or watch TV shows. To be honest I really don't know what's distracting me the most... probably all the appointments I've been forcing myself to go to. The main thing for me is my anger issues, I hate being an angry person and weed made it worse (because it stems from my anxiety) my advice would be I guess to find something that genuinely takes the focus off it. Reading (find a good series), TV, art, if you have pets play with them, reorganise your stuff and cull (did a lot of that moving back home), cleaning is a good one but I dont have the energy for it anymore. Sorry if this is long haha. Focusing on my pets is a big one cause I have to be more independent with it and do it myself. Gardening!!! Buy some plants and take care of them lol. My parents and siblings are a massive help and keep me distracted so if you have a good family or circle of friends ask for their help! Set small goals and work towards them

[crappymixtape]

because of you • part one

PART II • PART III • PART IV • PART V • EPILOGUE // REQ -> @sattlersquarry ❝ an enemies to lovers fic with Steve? 💙 maybe they have to put aside their differences to fight upside down stuff and realize they actually have a lot in common 👀 • 18+  | ( 2.1k – little bit of king!steve, mostly angst with a dash of fluff, enemies to idiots in love, steve x reader )

B E C A U S E O F Y O U • P A R T O N E 🎶 good girls ( john carpenter remix ), chvrches

“Why is she even here?”

“Steve!”

A loud smack cut the air in two as Robin slapped a hand against Steve’s shoulder, rendering the rest of group there in Max’s trailer silent.

Your arms were crossed tightly over your chest, cheeks burning under his gaze, lips twisted into a scowl and trying hard to hold back the daggers you wanted so badly to throw at him.

“She doesn’t know what the hell we’re up against! How’s she supposed to–“

“Steve, none of us knew either, cut her a break.”

“Cut her a break and then what? We all get eaten by a fucking melted people monster?”

“That’s not fair–“

“It’s fine! It’s fine, Nancy,” you cut the girl off, standing quickly from your spot on the couch.

They’d been talking like this since you showed up. Like you weren’t right there in the room with them and honestly you kind of wished you weren’t anymore.

“I need some air,” you grumbled before giving Steve a pointed glare and shouldering open the front door.

The air outside was crisp as you sat down on the front stoop. Not a cloud in the sky and sunlight washing everything in soft golden light, but it all still felt so dark. Like it was harboring thick shadows. Long, spindly, and pitch black. Waiting to wrap their twisted fingers around you.

Waiting to dig into you and squeeze tight.

Waiting to lift you twenty feet into the air and snap your bones like twigs.

Waiting to leave you for dead.

And here was Steve fucking Harrington asking what right you had to be there. Asking what purpose were you gonna serve amongst this “holier than thou” joke of an army. Steve, Robin, Nancy and Eddie had already gotten their asses handed to them by what they’d called demobats, Steve arguably needing serious medical attention, and they wanted to go back? It took everything you had to not leave right there on the spot.

Hell, maybe you should, you thought for a minute. You didn’t owe them anything, especially Steve, but you did owe it to your best friend. The one who basically had a hit out on him. The one who wouldn’t hurt a goddamn fly, but all of Hawkins had already decided he was guilty and you weren't about to leave him.

Eddie.

❝ SO SAVE YOUR BREATH, GIVE A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT – DO THEY KNOW SOMETHING I DON’T? ❞

You met him two years ago under the bleachers at the Homecoming football game. It seemed like the perfect place to smoke the joint you’d messily rolled in the car right before you’d come into the stadium and apparently you’d been right, but someone else had already laid claim to it...

“Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but this is kind of my spot.”

He’d been all black leather and denim. Dark curls and clove. Silver rings and chains and heavy boots and maybe you should’ve been more intimidated, but the smile lines at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

“Don’t see a sign anywhere,” you’d shot back, no hesitation. Looked over at him all skeptics and attitude and took a long drag from your joint. Blew the smoke off in his direction and it made him grin like an idiot.

“Been sellin’ weed down here for like…the last three years so–actually, yeah. What the fuck, man. Someone owes me a sign.”

...And that was it, you were a goner. Laughing mid-toke and coughing so hard you cried and it made him feel so bad he gave you a baggy for free. Eddie "the freak" Munson and you – best friends.

Skipped all the stupid dances and football games with you. Paraded around the lunch room like an idiot with you. Threw fries back at the jocks for you when they called you a loser and sat on the floor in the bathroom with you when you cried.

So fuck “King Steve” Harrington.

You had every right to be there, probably even more than he did and you were gonna tell him to his face, but—

“Can I sit?”

The sudden sound of someone else made you jump.

“Jesus, Eddie.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled and sat down next to you. Gave you a sidelong glance and a small lopsided smile. “He’s really not so bad–”

“You’re joking. Right? Tell me you’re joking.”

The boy hummed, dropped his gaze down to the rings wrapped around his fingers and twisted the one on his thumb.

“He doesn’t want me here. None of them do,” you grumbled, frustration fed further by his non-answer and it pulled his eyes back up to you.

“Hey now, that’s not true–”

“Yes it is! Even Nancy looks at me like a kicked puppy.”

That pulled a laugh from him. Made him scoot closer to you and bump his shoulder into yours. “Listen, sweetheart,” the nickname made you soften, but you tried to keep your scowl in place, “We’re all in over our fuckin’ heads, hm? And Stevie boy…he’s seen some shit. He’s just trying to–”

“Just trying to what? Be a complete dickhead about it? Mission accomplished.”

Eddie sighed and roughed a hand over his face. Rested his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together. He knew what you felt because he’d felt it too. Knew what it was like to get laughed at and mocked in the lunch room. Knew how it was supposed to be between him and the other boy. Hell, he nearly cut Harrington’s face off with a broken bottle a few days ago, but one thing was clear.

Change was possible and Steve Harrington was proof, he just wasn’t great at showing it.

“Alright. He could be less of a dick,” he conceded, propping his chin in his hand and looking at you with his big brown eyes. How could you be mad at that?

You mumbled under your breath about that not being the only thing, but fine, okay, only for you, Eds.

Reaching over he flicked at your fingers and looked at you from under his curls with a stern pinch between his brows. “He’s helping me, sweetheart. They all are. Shit, without them I’d probably be in jail already. Or in Carver’s trunk,” he tried a laugh, but it fell short at the end with the weight of his words and it made you grab at his hand and squeeze it.

“Shut up,” you chided softly, no heat behind it. The anger that had been swelling in your chest all but extinguished.

Silence settled between the two of you then, heavy and tinged at the edges with worry. With everything that was at risk and it started to gnaw at the pit of your stomach. What if you couldn’t fix it? And even if you could, this Vecna asshole was about to end the world anyway so what the hell did it matter?

How were a bunch of kids going to do anything about it?

“Ahem,” the door knocked into your back and jolted you back to earth. Pulled a gasp from you and when you looked up over your shoulder you felt your anger return ten fold. “We’re leaving, geniuses,” Steve announced, pushing at you with the door.

“Least you know you’re an idiot,” you mumbled under your breath, standing up from your spot to glare at him at eye level.

“Real cute,” Steve shouldered past you on the stoop, took the last two steps in one go and turned to face you both as he landed on the grass. “For you, Munson,” he said, throwing a mask at Eddie, “Courtesy of Mayfield.”

“What’s that for?” you couldn’t help asking as Max appeared at your side and pointed so casually – too casually – at the mask.

“Gonna steal a Winnebago. Get that on, dingus. Let’s go.”

“Nice,” Eddie grinned up at the red-headed girl and yanked the mask on over his head, “Thanks, Red.”

“Let’s go,” Steve urged, waving his hands at everyone to get out of the house and you felt your heart racing.

“Steal a Winnebago? Eddie. Fuck that–”

“Honey, I’m already a wanted man–” Eddie cut you off and readjusted the ridiculous looking mask a bit. “–c’mon,” he said, tugging at your belt loop to get with it.

“I–that doesn’t mean you can just steal–”

“We’re way past that,” Dustin chimed in, shoving past you just like everyone else, “Besides, if the world’s gonna end anyway, what’s it matter?”

Shit. The kid had a point. It was probably fine. It was just a trailer. Maybe you could give it back afterward? You needed it more than they did. Right?

“Dammit,” you grumbled under your breath, now the only one still standing around. “Wait for me!”

❝ THEY TELL ME I’M HELL-BENT ON REVENGE, I CUT MY TEETH ON WEAKER MEN, I WON’T APOLOGIZE AGAIN ❞

The first time you ran into Steve Harrington was sophomore year. In the hallway before Click’s class. You were cramming everything into your bag, but struggling with your history book when you heard it coming.

Tommy Hagan’s stupid laugh.

Your stomach sank, eyes glued on your things and trying to ignore it. He was in your science class the year before along with his ditzy girlfriend Carol and they always made sure to get a spot in the back just to make out.

“Need some help?”

When you finally looked up at him he’d stopped right in front of you, the grin on his lips sharklike as Carol smirked out from under his arm. Another boy you didn’t know was standing just behind them wearing a stupid member’s only jacket, half unzipped, and had hair that sat perfectly in place. Too perfect.

“That looks heavy, hm?” Tommy said grabbing your book, voice all saccharine sweet and sharp around the edges. Flipping through the pages he pulled a face, clicked his tongue and weighed it in his hand, then made a show of dumping it on the floor. “Whoops. Sorry!” he half-laughed and your cheeks burned.

“Bite me, Hagan,” you snapped back, bending down to grab your book, and it only made his grin grow wider.

“Ooo. She’s fiesty today, Stevie. I like it.”

And then he chimed in. Stevie. The had-to-be-douchebag that everyone called 'King Steve.'

“Probably on her period,” he said scoffing a laugh, all confidence and bravado and the look on his face was so smug. Thought he was so clever and funny and when you finally turned around it was to take the two steps up to him in one.

“Really? My period? So original.”

It made him swallow hard. Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he blinked back the flicker of surprise glinting in his eyes. He took a quick glance at Tommy like he didn’t want to disappoint him and then hardened his expression. Crowded down over you and nodded.

“Explains you being such a bitch.”

And it took the air from your lungs. Stuck in your sides sharp like a knife and you felt your throat tighten as Tommy and Carol snickered, but you wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction. Not here.

“Yeah. Bet you wish you had an excuse for being such an asshole,” you cut at him and it pulled an Oh shit! out of Tommy as he doubled over laughing, Steve’s mouth dropped open in shock.

Your feet couldn’t carry you away fast enough as you shoved your book in your bag and turned to leave, but you refused to run. Refused to let them see weakness, and as Tommy yelled down the hallway after you about tampons you raised a middle finger high in the air to punctuate just how much you hated them all.

Eddie met you in the bathroom after that, the one nobody used on the other side of school, and you told him everything. He let you have the joint he had tucked behind his ear for emergencies, listened to you and told you they weren’t worth it. Especially not Steve. Because even though Tommy started it, Steve was the one who dug in. Could have left it alone but didn’t and that was what really got you.

How obvious it was he knew how shitty they were being, but went along with it anyway because he had to maintain his status. Had to uphold how ‘cool’ he was and keep the line in the sand drawn between him and ‘the freaks’ like you.

So he wouldn’t get a second chance.

And he wasn’t worth your time.

Not then and sure as hell not now.

[ NOTE: THIS IS PART ONE OF A THREE PART SERIES, PART TWO AND THREE TO COME SOON ]

crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist ♥️ reblogs and comments keep me going, friends! ily! ♥️

[swampgallows]

hi lovelies. ive been a candy kid since 2004, but unfortunately i haven't been able to go to a rave since feb 2020, as i'm at high risk of severe disability or death if i were to catch the 'vid. in my 3+ years of isolation i've been churning out kandi but have no means of trading it. as you can see my chain of trades is practically full, now weighing almost 5 lbs.

if any of you are up to it, i would really, really love to trade via mail! back in the days of forums, mail trading was pretty common (kanditrade.net comes to mind), but it's been years since i last heard of anyone doing it, so im taking matters into my own hands!!

rules:

you must interact with me in some capacity (im not giving my info to a rando, sorry)

provide some kandi preferences! colors, animals, shapes, themes, etc.

you must be willing to give me a mailing address in the continental US to ship to (i might extend to non-USA if i wuv you lots n lots). please be sure this is a secure address that you regularly access; im not responsible for the package once it leaves my hands.

you must mail me kandi (or other creation) in return. this is a trade, not a giveaway.

when i send my half of the trade, you must send me your half of the trade within 30 days.

other info under cut ⤵

Q: what will i receive in my trade?

anywhere from 1-3 pieces of kandi, glowsticks, and maybe some other goodies (candy/cookies [dietary restrictions permitting], stickers, toys, mix CDs, etc.). your package will be shipped from california and comes from a non-smoking, drug-free home with a short-haired dog.

Q: what can i give you to trade?

kandi, of course! but if you don't make kandi then anything else you have created is welcomed. if you make music/mixes, please at least burn a cd!

kandi i like: singles! halloween colors (black/orange/purple/green), especially bright green. my raver name is rabbit, so i have a lot of kandi with bunnies on it. i also like monsters, stars, suns/moons, glow in the dark, food/fruits, and big chunky shapes.

kandi i do not like: cuffs/"epic"s, perler creations. these are very impressive, but as someone who wears kandi daily i will not be able to wear large pieces like these. also please no drug references or anything sexual.

no, only handmade items please. part of the importance of kandi is that it is a physical object that travels from my hands to yours: this is symbolized by the bridge of linked hands during a trade.

Q: can my half of the trade be digital/online instead?

Q: i can't get to the post office. how do i mail it?

the best way to mail something if you can't get to the post office is:

make an account at usps.com. it is free.

order small flat rate *padded* envelopes or boxes from usps. they are free. i suggest getting the small boxes as they're slightly cheaper to ship than the padded envelopes and you can fit bulkier items inside.

pay for your postage online via usps (click-n-ship). the flat rate boxes have set prices per size, so you wont need to weigh anything. all flat rate pricing is Priority Mail, meaning it comes with free package pickup, tracking, and 1-3 day delivery. if you don't have a printer, they will print you a label and mail it to you for $1.25.

arrange for the package to be picked up with your regular mail delivery. it is free. you will get pickup confirmation and tracking sent to your email.

Q: i want to trade! how do i contact you?

contact me through tumblr messages, discord (if you have me added), or send an email to my url at gmail. if you email me please be sure to include something about kandi in the subject line as well as your tumblr url!

Q. wtf is kandi?

raver friendship bracelets, basically. i've written a primer on kandi here!

[elliebean714]

i saw you do requests for sinclair, which makes me really happy because ive yet to find another blog that writes for him :') could you do headcanons for augustus sinclair x male reader, specifically set during raptures 'peak'? with no nsfw please, idk if you do that but just makin sure >_< thanks in advance!!

WOOOO!!!!!! YEAHHH!! SINCLAIR STANS RISE!!! Don't worry I don't do nsfw, mild suggestions are as heavy as it gets here. Kissing and cuddling gang for life💙 Tw: homophobia mentioned. Have fun.

Augustus Sinclair x M!Reader General Headcanons

Fluff, Angst

Pre-Game

So urmm... he'd probably be in deep denial for a good long while about his love for another man

I mean back in the time period Bioshock is set in it was a super taboo topic

And he seems like the kinda guy to stay away from stuff like that

But yk, true love n' all that jazz

One day he just decides he doesn't care and asks you out for a 'business' dinner

That quickly turns to several dinners and eventually a drunken confession and, hopefully, your drunkenly admiting you reciprocate.

Leading to the two of you beginning a secret love affair

Cus ya'know homophobia runs rampant in Rapture

Onto him as a partner

He'd definitely love spending his money on you

Showers you with expensive clothes, drinks, smokes and basically whatever stuff you like/want

Partly because he loves your smile, but mostly because he loves bragging and showing off his seemingly endless wealth.

It stokes his already huge ego in just the right way

At his best he would be a romantic lover that takes you to dinner every weekend and leaves love letters and bouquets of your favourite flowers on your desk at work or on your side of the bed

Sometimes he may get a bit too focused on scamming people work so you'll have to drag him away from that

On special occasions he'd showers you in gifts far more (somehow)

He acts like it's for his pride but your happy, excited face is the cutest thing in his eyes

Once you guys had been secret dating for a couple of years he'd probably become comfortable enough for you to fully move in with him (but he'd never force you if you weren't uncomfortable( he might manipulate you tho (he's a salesman remember (he cant help it))))

If you did move in EXPECT TO BE ROMANCED TO HELL GOOD SIR

Home cooked meals (cus he can't take you out to a restaurant unless under the guise of a business lunch/dinner)

Dancing to the Rapture Radio in the middle off the night with only candles for light

Laying in bed together talking about anything and everything for hours on end

Omg you goofy lil dudes getting married in secret!!!

Your love story seems like one that hisorians would misrepresent to shit.

Yk like

'Augustus Sinclair never married during his lifetime, but he was extremely close to his best friend, the two lived together for the majority of their lives, co-ran his several business and were seen frequently visiting. Such good friends.'

(Hi Ellie interrupting here, this is smg I came up with whilst writing this. Imagine Sinclair writing this whilst you sleep or smg idk I'm not your mom)

If others found us we'd be ostracised and villainized. They'd parade us around as filthy and unnatural. Shame us for loving one another, for laying together. They'd stick us in chains and cut out our tongues. And I'd let them. For the tongue-less may write still, and here, tonight, with my lover in my arms, I'll write proudly, fully, purely, that my lover is a man. My lover is my light. My lover owns my smile. My lover is mine. You can silence us. You can burn this paper. You can eradicate every proof of our existence. But tonight, my lover dances in my arms, illuminated solely by candlelight. His face, his warmth, his scent, his eyes filled with love alone, you cannot remove tonight. For the events of tonight have been etched in stone, and until the sun explodes it will remain. My love for him will remain.

(K thanks back to it)

All that being said don't expect him not to protect himself should it come down to it

Sorry but he'd sell you out at a moments notice

The eventual regret would hit him like a fright train but in the moment he'd always put himself first

Still loves you tho promise

What I Write~

Games

TWD

Requests Always Open 🌊

~Elliebean714

♤♡◇♧☆♧◇♡♤♡◇♧☆♧◇♡♤♡◇♧☆

[jwowwsboobs]

abelia sage n aloe vera also hii hope your gig went well last week

hiii <3 it did !! my friend sent me a vid n it sounded much better thn i thought it would LOL but it was a great time n everyone had fun :)

🩵abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with? 

def my cross necklace!! its a simple chain w a cross pendant thts got a little inch long switchblade in it n i absolutely adore it literally one of my favorite things ever. also hv a cute ring w a mandela i got at a gift shop tht i wear lots but unfortunately i can’t wear either as often as i used 2 cuz jewelry is totally a major safety hazard in th shop(💔💔) like there this thing called degloving basically yr skin is like totally torn off n i am NOT letting tht happen 2 me like i need my skin !! its so horrifying 2 look at but it cn happen if u wear rings while yr working on cars 🤷‍♀️

🩵sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

probably a tie btwn poetry & music !! im inspired more often by music or poems thn any other artform n i think that my “experience” w creating both give me a like deeper appreciation 4 the amount of effort n emotion n love really! thats poured into both mediums. n i can really pick apart what th artist did 2 create the work n appreciate that effort … n i think that cuz those two forms r how i generally express myself it’s easier 4 me 2 connect w the emotions in the poem or music piece which helps deepen the impact of the art on me

🩵aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life? 

i really really want 2 smoke on a front porch while it rains hard. none of th houses ive lived in have had porches tht u could sit on n watch the rain its always been like a concrete front stoop thts uncovered n those r fine 4 smoking when its not raining!! but when it is ….💔 but i just think itd b really relaxing. id love 2 hv a porch in general id probably never get off it LOL 

[navire190413]

i am exhausted. i really need to stop drinking so much. i almost didnt make it into work today just because i wanted to sleep more. probably since i've been going to bed around 2 every night. i really gotta adjust my life style soon or i feel like there will be serious consequences somehow.

ive been considering giving up on x-chan. its been 4 months since we broke up, and then 3 months as "friends", where we're just doing this stupid game of ohhh we like eachother so much one week then dont like each other the next week, repeat. we met up after work yesterday and went to 神田 to go to 神田屋. idk why we even went there, x-chan hates chain izakayas. we only had one drink then decided to walk to 秋葉原。we found another chain izakaya to go to since they allow smoking at your seat. usually when we're together he always holds my hand, but he didnt reach for it at all last night, so i didnt reach for his either. i felt like, oh maybe its actually over now and we're just actually going to act like friends and not be all ラブラブ like we are most of the time. 

we left pretty early after having 2 mega lemon sours and some food. he was exhausted from work and was basically falling asleep at the table. we said bye and didnt kiss or anything. i went to my usual bar for a drink or two before going home. most of the usual people were there but i mostly just drank by myself and played with my phone. i was too exhausted and over thinking everything to even try to communicate in japanese. 

i texted x-chan while i was there saying i wanted to hold his hand earlier but didnt know if it was okay or not so i refrained. he told me its always okay and he likes when i do it, so i guess i will from now on. i also told him i still like him and after i got drunk i asked him to please tell me if he ever starts talking to a girl romantically so i can stop pursuing him out of respect for the both of them. he agreed, so i guess i should stop worrying about if he's talking to anyone until he tells me he is. 

my old drinking buddy ended up coming to the bar while i was there and we drank until 11:30, which is why im so fucking exhausted today. he's american from texas and has been in japan for less than a year. he's kind of sort of studying japanese but he hasnt really made much progress lately haha. he teaches english and is stuck in that terrible cycle. i couldnt do it. all of the people i know who are english teachers are miserable and on the verge of offing themselves. the pay is too low and their hours too long and they have weird ass fucking contracts with barely any time off. i definitely got lucky when i decided to go to language school. but also extremely lucky i had the means to save up for it and afford it. i love japan but i dont love it enough to become an english teacher just for a visa. i would absolutely move back to the states before i even considered teaching english as a job. which is why i was so panicked the entire time i was job hunting. 

im sure if i didnt come to work today it would have been fine, but i had a cold two weeks ago and something about me missing 3 days of work in a month when i just got my work visa 2 months ago doesnt sit right with me. i got ready in 10 minutes today so i could sleep in the max amount of time possible and didnt even bother with makeup. i really gotta get my shit togetherrrrrrr. x-chan also doesnt want to drink as much anymore and wants to save money, so if i stop hanging out with him as much i wont be drinking as much or spending as much money either. but if i dont hang out with him as much, he'll start hanging out with other girls! i dont think he will but my ocd is killing me. i want to give up so bad. i tried my hardest to make things right between us, but they keep going from good to bad and then from bad to good and i am frankly emotionally exhausted. he texted ME good morning today, and that made me more happy than it should have. i need to stop wasting my emotional resources on this and focus on myself. its so hard. 

i think im gonna go pray at a temple this weekend. it usually helps me clear my head and i feel like my luck usually turns around when i do. fighting the urge to look up 縁結び祈願 temples because i should pray about getting my life together, not getting back with x-chan haha. i typed this then immediately invited him to go with me.

i do the money management and accounting at my job. im still being trained on how they like their stuff organized and how to do everything the right way in japan. japan's tax system is so complicated compared to how "streamlined" it is in the states. also having to add up big amounts of money here is kind of comical. so many 0's. so. many. 0's. also dont ask me to say any number larger than 999万円 outloud because it takes me like 10 seconds to count from the end of the number and backwards to understand if its 万 or 億.

i need to go shooting soon. i have a photo series in mind, but it requires me being out all night long until like 6am, and i dont feel comfortable doing it alone since random men always approach me when im by myself so im kind of relying on my friends to go with me. i also keep blowing off my friends to hangout and try to woo x-chan. my life is a mess. i also need to study instead of drinking every night. and i need to not go to the bar as much so i can save up to move. and and and and. and i need to buy more film for my camera. and i want to play pokemon in my free time. and i need to study more japanese grammar for my job because im forgetting a lot of it now that im not going to school everyday. and and and and. i need to go to the grocery store after work today.

yesterday on my way to the station after work, there was a guy puking on the sidewalk. first thought was, okay gross? and at 5:30? kind of fucking early to be hammered… then i looked at his vomit and it was a giant amount of unchewed ramen noodles. like. so so so much. we made eye contact and that man was in PAIN. i wonder if he just overate or something instead of being drunk 😂 that image of those fucking noodles will stay with me forever.

i need to do laundry and clean my room when i get home tonight.

[ddsverse]

I love how all these assistant and money offers keep spamming me, but any of them that are real require you to live somewhere with bills. Basically people who often don't actually need anything. They just want to afford smoking, drinking, fun and conveniences. I'm homeless. How much more eligible can I be for needing money!?

The system is not designed to help homeless. It's designed to keep them homeless. To enable it as a lifestyle. So that one day they can round then all up and toss them into closed camp areas.

This is why we have 1000s and 1000s more empty homes and buildings than we do actual homeless people. Poverty is no accident.

I don't pity these bums who are allegedly starving but all they care about is smoking and drinking. Many of them don't look like they're starving either.

I remember when all the food prices were gouged up. That actually broke the one addiction I had. If being homeless and forgotten by everyone isn't enough for you to quit drinking and smoking or doing other drugs, then you don't deserve anyone's pity ...

Some people ask, if you're so homeless and hungry how are you still alive and playing on devices all day. Well to the latter part, I've had jobs. And since I don't drink or anything else I have no cause for selling my devices.

For the first, again Ive had jobs. But there is also one guy who does what he can to help. I've reached a point now where I've still been alive under duress and I barely eat much of anything anymore. I got stranded in a place that has nothing for real assistance or handout places like there were in my previous area of Florida. Or even back home when I wasn't homeless ...

All across the South where I traveled thru there was almost nothing for helping people like me. And after that experience of nearly 1000 miles, I'm jaded to go any further.

Food isn't the only thing I need. I need ibuprofen and antihistamines and hygiene stuff. I need to maintain my bike. I can't even get new chain oil ...

Oh I need to be able to replace and wash clothes. Something I haven't done in weeks since my last job ended. And I was only paid enough to get a room on weekends

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[softer-ua]

to me what katsuki's problem with deku is was that what he saw didn't align with what he was told.

like your quirk makes you strong, right? so according to society and literally everyone, katsuki = strong bc badass quirk and izuku = weak bc no quirk. the problem is, Katsuki sees the way Izuku behaves and sees that he's strong , that he has heroic spirit and that doesn't make sense to him because it contradicts the way he's been told society is supposed to work.

so while he insists and tries to convince himself that he's better than deku and deku is weak, he never truly believes it, because he can see that deku is no where near weak.

what makes his view of deku so confusing is that he is lying to himself inside his own head. he knows where he wants to stand with deku (re i am better than him) but that doesn't mean that's where he actually stands, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

in fact having to come to terms with it will literally spiral him into a panic attack

and it's interesting bc katsuki is normally so good at reading situations and people. his intuition is fantastic. he saw shindo was more of a bitch than he let on, he recognized AM was hiding sht about OFA just from AM's 'slight hesitation'

so where does all that stellar sense go??? why is he so bad at reading deku??

it honestly feels like the more invested he is in someone the worse he gets at reading them, since emotions take over. this is particularly true with deku. for example: a) he cares about his record to the point of banning his friends from smoking, but does shit to izuku that would destroy said record were his teachers any good at their jobs and b) first training exercise he basically throws it solely to go beat deku's ass, and like a few days later at USJ he's suddenly acting like a normal sane person who thinks shit through...?

it's like izuku's very existence takes Katsuki's sanity, throws it out the window and runs it over with a locomotive 😭😭

besides, it's not like the guy isn't well versed in contradictions.

with the sludge villain he was told he was strong for not dying after being left to die

deku, the person he's hurt, is also the only person who's ever seen him as fallible in a non malicious way and the only one who's ever allowed him the relief of being weak and having someone hear you out.

his mom loves him while victim blaming him and says that the teachers who chained him up on live television for saying no have a stellar understanding of his character.

the symbol of peace tied him to a podium

he spent a decade being called top hero material despite acting like a loonatic and now he comes to ua and suddenly exploding nerds is not acceptable behaviour? think about it, his teachers saw him doing shit to deku and they were like katsuki broski you're gonna be a great hero, so he was like yup this is totally the way i should act *blows up deku's notebook*

but then come ua and it turns out beating up deku qualifies him to be a villain, and that he has actually been acting like such a villain the actual villains want to be besties with him and the number 4 hero is hell bent on "fixing" him. that's a complete turn of tables.

if i was him i would've lost my mind by now ngl

and he's so emotionally constipated he doesn't even understand his own emotions, like his inner monologue about deku getting stronger and needing to keep up during the war arc sounds like such loser behaviour, but then it turns out the reason he wants to keep up is to be strong enough to help deku and be useful and keep deku from dying bc he is worried about deku.

he is so worried about deku he rips off oxygen masks and ivs and runs around the hospital spitting blood just to see him, but ofc he can't just say, yoo i care about my man deku, because dude is so bad at emotions he doesn't even realise it, so he just starts spewing lines from some edgy romance like "if you die ill kill u"

someone help this kid istg😭😭😭

100% all of this! 😂

When Deku is around Katsuki immediately shifts into being lead around on a choke chain by his feelings, even though him and feelings have never been so much as formally introduced

“I’m feeling something other than anger and that makes me mad” ~ Katsuki Bakugo probably

Also anyone wanna talk about how they left a teen with a heat based quirk who’s known for emotional imbalance unsupervised connected to pure oxygen and then let all his classmates chill in said room with him?

Everyday their entire society wakes up and says “fuck Katsuki lives, all my homies hate Katsuki” and then just leave him to die in various ways

[stoportotouch]

if you’ll humour me, here are some Young Vlad Headcanons(tm) or whatever the kids are calling them these days, because i can’t sleep and i’ve been Thinking About Him of late

i. what does their bedroom look like?

there’s... there’s a well in it. that’s very much the most noticeable feature of it because there is basically no other furniture in there. (his bed is a couch with a cushion on it, and he doesn’t sleep much.)

also he chain smokes and drinks heavily so there are a lot of empty bottles and cigarette boxes, etc., and matchbooks, or empty matchbooks because it’s underground and therefore not too well protected from rain and damp. in any case capella has his entire collection of cigarette cards, and he has a lot of cigarette cards because he sends away for cigarettes.

he uh. does smoke some stuff that is local to the town-on-gorkhon, however, but that ain’t tobacco. he gets it from andrey and doesn’t question where andrey gets it from because he would stop getting it if he asked anything.

he still has a bedroom back in the lump like... technically but his dad has put a bunch of Stuff (mostly just boxes of papers that he can’t get rid of yet but that he doesn’t actively need) in there. this isn’t a personal thing unlike most other things between The Vlads, he just never moved back in with his dad after he went away to university and that was about a decade ago.

ii. do they have any daily rituals?

he doesn’t much like people but he does like twyrine and Hanging Out With Andrey. since he lives on the opposite side of town to the broken heart he usually goes there at weird times since it’s open all the time.

andrey and goose get him drunk/whatever state twyrine produces. andrey draws charts. goose makes more twyrine. vlad does not talk to either of them. all of this takes place in perfect silence. this is actually great for all three of them. (andrey is a Fake Extrovert; he and vlad are similarly sociable but andrey is louder.)

iii. eating habits and sample daily menu

eats when he remembers that he needs to, basically, and drinks far more often than he eats anything. capella worries about him because who couldn’t and sometimes Conveniently Leaves, like, crackers or something lying around his shack because she assumes he’ll see them and eat them without thinking while he’s doing something else. this is generally fairly successful.

in any case because of Work he often ends up with a bunch of dried/cured meat that didn’t sell because it was prepared improperly that he lives on for a while. either that or whatever sold poorly at the broken heart that day. it’s a wonder he doesn’t have scurvy and a vitamin d deficiency. (saburov also occasionally lets him and the town hall employees go in on confiscated goods, especially food.)

iv. neuroses? do they recognise them as such?

the man is a walking copy of the telltale heart. there is so much wrong with him whatever the art-book says. in any case he is kind of a mess and he doesn’t so much not recognise it as not want to recognise it. and he isn’t going to do anything about it, of course.

in any case he’s distinctly twitchy and unwilling to talk about seemingly completely random things and is constantly concerned about having left doors or boxes or crates or whatever unlocked. this is pretty at odds with the culture of the town, which is just to leave doors unlocked and it tends to get him odd looks.

v. intellectual pursuits?

he isn’t so much Not Intelligent as his father decided that he was going to study business at university and he was not good specifically at that, but that put him off intellectual stuff for life in any case. still, rubin occasionally gets hold of archaeological journals for him, when the trains are running, because they get on pretty well, and he is genuinely interested in that.

in a more just world he would have been a research historian. as it is he’s... well. you know. he does have a natural level of like... intellectual curiosity even if most people hear that and think “oh, sure, now the guy digging a well in his bedroom is going to lecture us about history” and he never really got the opportunity to do that.

i kind of like the idea that the whole... well thing is as much push-back against his father repressing what he actually wanted to do and was good at as it is general Rebellion, ngl.

vi. sexual orientation? and, regardless of own sexual orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation generally?

gay, definitely. doesn’t care about the relationships of other people and doesn’t really date, but he’s only interested in men. he was initially interested in both daniil and artemy and he had a thing with andrey which lasted for quite a while before they just kind of naturally drifted away from each other after a couple of years. (and after the first outbreak.)

he eventually ends up with rubin, which i cannot explain. most people do not even realise that they’re dating because they’re both so private, but it suits them both. lara knows because she has a sort of Quiet Respect for vlad and she’s one of the few people that rubin tells about things that are happening in his life. artemy knows because artemy likes to have his nose in rubin’s business. clara knows because clara Knows what her bound are up to. (and finally grief knows because they’re friends with both of them insomuch as vlad has friends.)

they’re a rare example of a couple where one is autistic and the other isn’t where it actually Works because the combination of vlad’s analytic way of thinking and attitude towards other people averages out to a similar way of socialising and view of other people. this doesn’t mean that their relationship is normal or unsurprising to anybody, of course, but looking at it objectively it does kind of make sense.

he doesn’t like pda at all and would avoid it entirely if that was possible and finds being affectionate in private a bit of a struggle for... various of his own reasons but he and andrey were still pretty well suited even though andrey is... you know. he doesn’t mind communicating about this but he has a bit of a blunt affect that means he comes across poorly. (this also works completely fine for rubin, who doesn’t go in for Physical Contact.)

vii. physical abnormalities? (both visible and not.)

before the plague he has an occasional very mild lisp but otherwise he’s healthy. he then catches the sand pest three times and takes two shmowders, each of which nearly kill him, and ended up with like. general Post Plague Disease. which is probably like... fatigue and aches and pains and a general feeling of malaise and Impending Doom. not great fun but he probably deserves it.

i figure if he actually went to the termitary he didn’t escape completely physically or mentally unscathed but i don’t know exactly in what way. it probably doesn’t affect him too much though because it just adds to the background Something Ain’t Right Disease. probably a broken or dislocated knee that, For Some Reason, neither of the local doctors (who were awake at the time) would do anything about.

viii. preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress?

he doesn’t wear ties. the shirts with collars that don’t allow him to wear a tie are a conscious choice. (the key is to do with something that belonged to his mother.) otherwise, he would like to be comfortable.

ix. childhood illnesses? any interesting stories behind them?

he was healthy as a child and so was capella, but their mother wasn’t. she was chronically ill, which was what she eventually died of, and also very much frightened of passing it on to her kids -- she didn’t -- so she put the fear of it into especially him.

he didn’t really have any physical childhood illnesses apart from the expected ones but he did have really bad anxieties as a child that sort of carried through into adulthood even though he has more of a handle on it now, or at least he appears to.

x. thoughts on privacy? are they a private person or are they prone to ‘tmi’?

he has something of an odd relationship with the idea, i think. he’ll overshare about some things, especially family problems, but not other seemingly completely mundane things. he and andrey had one running argument and that was over whether other people got to know that they were A Thing. (the only people who knew were peter and goose.)

this wasn’t because of internalised homophobia on his part he just genuinely didn’t care for people knowing his business while andrey is pretty uninhibited and probably not necessarily above public sex. (he is canoncially not above public sex, in fact, based on his Hole Monologue. is it really any wonder that they had a thing?)

as it is he could probably spend all day with whoever it is he’s seeing but ignore them in public because he thinks that’s His Business and not anybody else’s. this works for rubin as well because he also doesn’t go in for public affection. the only real indicator that rubin has forgiven artemy is that he just doesn’t look at him, rather than the Constant Glaring.

xi. how misanthropic are they?

he’s an interesting case because he doesn’t much like people but that isn’t necessarily a negative trait and he doesn’t really view it as such -- nor do most other people. that’s mostly just because he manages to be polite about the fact that he doesn’t much like other people and to discuss it in such a way that it doesn’t come across as a personal insult.

but he seriously does not like people, even though he understands them. that doesn’t mean necessarily that he wishes ill upon anybody unless they particularly rile him up but he has... very little patience for Bullshit and a very short social battery. he still treats his employees well but he doesn’t really socialise with them.

xii. concept of home and family?

hoo boy.

much to unpack generally with the olgimskys but he’s the worst of the bunch.

starting with his godparents because they’re comparatively the Least Worst and then moving in from there: saburov and nnina kaina are his godfather and godmother. (or nina was -- he was born before katerina moved to the town-on-gorkhon.) he and nina didn’t have any sort of relationship really and it was a political move but he gets on fairly well with saburov.

his relationship with his father... is bad! (or was bad, because he’s dead. i cannot imagine artemy every letting that fucker survive.) he does not like his father and his father does not like him, and his father is also dead. this also leads to some bad things because he now has nobody he can take his frustrations out on, because capella is a fifteen year old girl.

regardless he and his father argued a lot throughout their lives, and it only got more and more violent; vlad moving to The Shack was saburov’s suggestion because he didn’t particularly want to have to deal with the fallout of what he saw as the inevitable result in a professional sense. vlad could see right through the “oh i suddenly love my son” bullshit right to the politics his was playing. this is because he was planning to do something very similar and it fucking destroys him that he could have anything in common with his father.

speaking of hating having something in common with one’s parents, he takes after victoria far more than he ever did his father. (capella is like their father he’s like their mother.) victoria was... calculating and knew how to create a public image but she was also always very cold. i’ve explained my theory about this -- she wanted a daughter because of the whole Mistress Thing -- but she also didn’t really know what to do with a baby when she had him. she figured it out more with capella though.

with capella... well, he calls her victoria, for one thing, and not capella. he has literally never once called her capella, nor will or would he. but he does genuinely care for and love his sister -- he ends up with custody of her after the plague because both their parents are dead and it works pretty well -- but their relationship is a little difficult. neither of them is great at showing affection and she has the whole mistress Thing to attend to, which she knows riles him up.

xiii. who do they see as their best friend? their worst enemy?

i figure he gets on well with andrey (he has no opinion on peter because they are on such vastly different wavelengths), goose, and rubin. (rubin primarily because he seems to be very concerned about him in the first game.) (their friendship is primarily them ignoring each other in the same place but that’s how rubin does socialising just generally.)

but i also have a fringe theory, because of the whole Mistress Thing and the fact that i think she could use a hug, that he and katerina saburova have a fairly good relationship. he is a bit scared of clara but, well, who isn’t? if saburov dies during the plague and she becomes like... dowager mistress i guess? vlad kind of replaces him for Official Events that she might need to attend and she glares at him until he puts on a suit.

worst enemy is his father, obviously. artemy is... possibly an excessively forgiving person and has occasional moments of being a good judge of character, and so he and vlad get on professionally but fine otherwise, and i think some part of artemy has like. a grudging respect for him actually doing what he said he was going to do with the bull enterprise after his father died. vlad likes that artemy is one of like... three people at most who actually stops talking about Subjects/leaves him alone entirely when requested to do so.

[depressedacadamia]

The Anatomy of the Sun- Chapter I

Edit- This is the first chap in a Percy Jackson/ Greys anatomy AU as well as my first fic! It’s going to follow the Grey’s anatomy plot behind the patients and the romances will be loosely based off it. I hope you do enjoy it! It was inpsired by @buoyantsaturn and their fic ‘Into you like a train’. 

Summary: Dr Will Solace just transferred to the New York Presybetarian hospital to become their Head of Trauma. Dr Nico Di Angelo is a month fresh out of Med- school and is starting his internship at New York Presbytarian. Nico, excited to join his best friend and head of the neurology department- Percy Jackson, wants to prove that he is not just the legacy that his sister- Bianca Di Angelo, left. As the doctors battle to save lives, they also battle to save relationships- but some may say it's too late. 

Chapter I- Work Work

Nico could feel his chest pounding as he drove. It wasn’t a good kind of pounding, not that there ever really is, but a -my heart is beating so damn fast - kind of pounding. Today was his first day at New York Presbytarian Hospital as an actual doctor. A surgeon. An intern.

 He groaned as he remembered that he would basically be the servant of his bosses for the next year. He wished his sister was here- she’d tell him how awesome he’d be, all the cool parts of internship and how ‘the friends you make here are friends for life’. Nico wasn’t nervous about friends though- he had known the Head of Neuro, Percy Jackson, for almost his entire life. In fact, it had been Percy who inspired him to become a surgeon. Nico knew- As a surgeon, you either have what it takes to play or you don’t. Nico’s sister , Bianca, was one of the greats, Nico on the other hand was so screwed.

The first Nico noticed about the hospital was that it was very very bright. Maybe it wasn’t and Nico was panicking; it wouldn’t be so beyond him. He watched as several other cars pulled up with other newbies similar to himself. He noticed that some people had their own stethoscopes- would anybody notice that his was used? The stethoscope he wore had the initials B.D.A engraved into the side of the drum. Did it matter if someone noticed that his was old? He could easily afford a new one either way but he had wanted to wear his sister's one. He hoped it would bring him good luck because he had a good feeling that he was going to need it. 

He walked into the Hospital where he was directed to a cleared Operating Room for the new interns who were having their introduction. He passed a group of attendings, all of whom he vaguely recognised but he noticed one in particular with curly blond hair. Of all the years he had tagged along with Percy to hang out at the hospital, he had never seen that dude- Why haven’t I seen him before?

“Every one of you comes here today hopeful, wanting in the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors- Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you- say hello to your competition. 8 of you will switch to an easier speciality. 5 of you will crack under the pressure, 2 of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line- This is your arena. How do you play? That's up to you,” A man with long brown hair and greying roots dramatically explained. Nico realised that this was the Chief of Surgery- Chiron! Nico was surprised to learn that he still worked here after all these years. He recalled Bianca talking about Chiron who had been her mentor. 

Nico looked around at what was his competition-  as he thought, he was so screwed.

As he made his way into the locker room, some faces became familiar. He recalled some of these faces- the people he had met at the mixer. Nico decided to focus on work and not making friends; if someone spoke to him, he’d reply but he was not initiating any conversations. He had diagnosed himself with the overall dislike of humanity. Just as he was contemplating wearing his white coat, ( he remembered Bianca telling him that everyone knows that the doctors with the cleanest coats are the newbies and he did not want people noticing) the girl to his left with cropped brown hair and a determined expression tapped him on the shoulder.

“You’re Nico right? Which resident have you got?” She asked.

“Yeah, I’m Nico and I’ve got Chase. What about you?”

 “ Same. And it’s Meg.”

A guy from across the room turned around, excited to have something in common with others. His hair was short and blond but not the same colour as the new attending that Nico had noticed earlier. This guy's hair was almost a platinum kind of blond whereas the attending had golden hair- Like the colour of sunrise. 

“You’ve got her too? So did I- You’re Nico, Nico Di Angelo right? I’m Jason Grace- we met at the mixer. You made a bold impression; black, skinny ripped jeans,  Ramone T-shirt and skull rings despite the fact it was obviously a work event… Okay I’ll stop talking,” The man rushed out all at once.

“Grace, Mccaffrey, Di Angelo and June!” A voice called out into the locker room. Nico looked at what were supposed to be his future friends. If he was supposed to feel some sort of magical bond with them- he sure as hell was not. The girl in front (who Nico could only assume was Dr June) was almost hopping - okay, she’s a happy person,  Avoid her at all costs- he put in a mental reminder. Nico watched as she approached the Blonde woman at the desk. Nico almost face palmed- Her surname was Chase- this had to be Percy’s girlfriend that he had been telling him about over the phone a while ago. June started talking only to be cut off.

“I’m Juniper June but most people just call me-”  

“I have 5 rules, memorise them. Rule number 1- don’t bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone list and pagers-” Annabeth pointed to the desk behind her. There lay 4 pagers which all the interns, including Nico, scrambled forward to grab.

“-Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run- you hear me? A run, Rule number 2- Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours. You’re interns, grunts, nobodies- bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop and don’t complain!” She called as she led them across the bridge and into the second section of the hospital. Nico, not being the tallest person, struggled slightly to keep up.  They walked into a dark room that seemed to have bunk beds with thin mattresses and flimsy unmade covers. 

“On call rooms- attendings hog them- sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to Rule number 3. If I’m sleeping, don’t wake me unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number 4- the dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed a person, you would have woken me up for no good reason. We clear?” 

Nico was clear but he also wasn’t. He doesn’t remember Bianca telling him any of these rules and he also didn’t recall hearing the 5th rule. Did she already say it when he wasn’t listening? He didn’t think so but he also didn’t want to look like an idiot. He decided to ask, if he was going to fail at this hospital, he might as well fail knowing everything there was to know.

“That's only 4 rules. You said there were 5.” Nico slid in between Meg and Dr Grace, his head only up to the bases of their necks. Just Nico said those words, he heard a beeping which he could only assume came from someone's pager. Annabeth immediately looked down, grabbing the pager she had tagged into her waist.

“Rule number 5- When I move, you move.”

Hour 1

Nico slipped on his gloves as he stood in the elevator with the other interns. The second he heard its ‘ping’ he rushed forward, eager to learn. The wind blasted into his eyes and immediately, Nico raised his hands to cover his face. His hair flopped about as the helicopter descended in front him. He raised his head slightly and saw the same golden haired attending that he had noticed earlier- Nico took a guess that he was the trauma surgeon. He followed Dr. Chase who ran forward and helped lift the stretcher out of the helicopter. Nico perked his ears up as he heard the trauma surgeon recite her history.

“Katie Bryce, 15 years old, female, new onset seizures- intermittent for the past week. IV lost en route- Started grand mal seizing as we descended,” He shouted over the loud roar of the engine. Crap, Grand mal seizures, really? God really thought lets give me a hard case. They rushed to get her inside and Nico was trying to not panic as he heard Dr. Chase command the staff like it was her own mini army.

 “Put her on her side. 10 Milligrams of diazepam. No, the white lead is on the right. Righty whitey, smoke over fire. Give her a large bore IV, Don’t let the blood hemolyze.”

A different doctor walked in, his hair was black and cut short. His skin was a creamy white and Nico recognised the second language under ‘Doctor Zhang’ on his white coat to be chinese. 

“Dr. Chase, what do we have?” He asked, flipping through her chart. 

“Right now, nothing.”

“Okay, let's shotgun her.” He raised his hands and took a step backwards, allowing for the interns to continue their treatment. 

“Okay, you heard the man. Shotgun means every test in the book- CT, CBC, Chem 7, Tox screen. Mccaffery- you’re running labs, Grace- patient work ups and Di Angelo- take her for a CT,” Dr. Chase ordered

“Um, Dr. Chase, I think you forgot me,” Juniper piped up meekly. Annabeth turned around and gave her a firm look before telling her,

“Honey, you’re doing rectal exams.”

Nico couldn’t tell if he should laugh at the poor intern or console her. 

Each intern was busy. Extraordinarily busy. Nico did not expect the line for the CT machine to be so long. This was the best hospital in all of New York! You’d think they would be much faster but no, here Nico was with his patient who he had recently learnt, loved to talk… about herself.

“I’m missing my pageant,” Kaite whined.

“You’re missing your pageant?” Nico had to physically restrain himself from snorting. So that's what non- doctors  and people with normal lives did. Things like going to pageants.

“Yeah! And I was super excited because the judges were getting to the talents for the pageant- Mine is rhythmic gymnastics. I sprained my ankle and fell when I was training but now I was soo ready but then...” she threw her arms up slightly signifying everything around them and Nico understood- she had a seizure which stopped her from competing.

 “Katie Bryce’s labs came out clear, nothing in the results that would explain her seizures,” Meg informed Dr. Chase who was currently peeking her head out of a surgery. Dr. Chase nodded and was about to return to assisting on the procedure when Meg started talking again

“I heard that the attending picks the most promising intern on the first to perform a minor procedure.”

Dr. Chase looked anything but impressed.

“Go away,” she deadpanned as she closed the door in Meg’s face and returned to her surgery.

“It’s just what I heard!” Meg mumbled exasperatedly as she left the scrub room.

Hour 7

The cafeteria was full. One would think the hospital cafeteria would be stocked with healthy foods but in reality it was quite the opposite. It was stacked with a bunch of doctors telling you to eat healthy food as they stuffed their faces with pizza. The seating arrangements weren’t much different from a high school. You sit with who you know and avoid the ones in charge. Meg, Jason, Juniper and a group of other interns were all grouped together not too far away from the group of attendings and 3 residents. 

 “You know Nico is inbred.” Meg popped the fact onto the other interns. 

“Like it’s uncommon to be related to a doctor, my sister is Dr Thalia Grace.”Jason pointed his thumb to the girl with jet back hair and array of ear piercings who was currently smiling wickedly. 

“No like royally inbred, his sister is Bianca Di Angelo,” Meg insisted. 

“Shut up! The Bianca Di Angelo?” Juniper joined in.

“Who is Bianca Di Angelo?” Jason, as clueless as ever, asked. The entire table exploded into whispers and gasps.

“Where do you live, under a rock? The angel method? Where do you think that came from?”

“She’s a living legend!”

“She’s won 2 harper Averies!”

“Talk about familial pressure.”

“Um, incoming Nico Di Angelo,” Jason tried to speak over the food in his mouth unsuccessfully. Luckily, the other interns looked in the direction of him and shut their mouths up in time. Nico, with his 3rd cup of coffee that day slumped into a chair and slammed his head onto the table.

“Katie Bryce is a pain in my ass. If I hadn’t taken the hippocratic oath, I’d kevorkian her with my bare hands,” Nico groaned. Juniper, eager to get his mind off an annoying patient chirped in,

“I heard Chase and Jackson were dating- A resident and an attending!”

“They are,” Nico confirmed as the interns stole glances at the attending and the resident together, surprised that Dr. Chase had the ability to laugh or smile.

“Who wants to go for an attending? Bet ya none of you can,” Meg poked fun at them.

“I bet ya I could do Solace, he’s new apparently,” Nico hummed as he peacefully sipped his coffee, closing his eyes to enjoy the smell that drifted into his nose.

“Meg, you wanna go for Valdez?” Juniper curiously poked.      

“Nah, he’s only a resident and besides- He’s totally making eyes at Calypso. Letting a resident try to get into an attending pants is way more fun. I wanna see him fall into a hole.”

All of the interns stopped and turned to Meg, a slightly horrified look growing on their faces.

“Okay, now that Satan has stopped talking, who wants to put down their bets?” Jason beamed as Meg sneaked a quick punch to arm which had him cowering for a bit longer than necessary. The interns were all mucking about until a new voice joined the conversation.

“Hey! I just transferred to Chase’s service, I don’t really know anyon-”

“-Hazel?”  Nico’s confused voice echoed and his eyes shot open at the recognition of the soft voice.  

 “Nico?”  Hazel raised an eyebrow. They had both agreed to go to work in separate hospitals to limit family drama.  Ever since they had found out they were related, the family tensions had been higher than ever. Nico had assumed Hazel would go to a different hospital and leave New York Presbyterian for him and it seems Hazel had assumed the same vice versa.        

“You two know each other?” A voice, recognised as Meg, called out. 

“I’m Doctor Hazel Levesque. Newest Surgical intern under Dr Chase.” She reached out and gave her hand to Meg who shook it firmly. She gave another hand shake to Jason and a nod to Nico- both of them had ignored Meg’s question.  

“Final call, who’s going in?” Jason reminded them. 

“Me- Solace is new, hot, probably clueless and he’s the new Head attending in trauma.” Nico slammed his hand onto the table, indicating he was all in. It was easy, right? Seduce him and then manipulate. It couldn’t be too hard. 

Around 2 tables away from the interns, the attendings and residents were chatting away. Will, who had only recently joined the hospital, was still getting used to the way people behaved here. Everyone was so much more nice than he had expected. He remembered how people warned him about New York folks but in all honesty, Will would say that he was having a pretty good time, especially if the Di Angelo intern stayed in his eyeline-

“-Solace is eyeing the interns!” Percy’s excited voice cut into Will’s thoughts. Horrified, Will managed to sputter out,

“I am not eyeing the interns!”

“I like the newbie, she seems nice- better than the rest at least,”Frank mumbled about Hazel as he sipped at his hot tea. Piper to his left admitted,

“Blond one’s hot.”     

“That blond one is my brother,” Thalia grunted.

“Why doesn’t anyone call me hot?” Leo pouted as he rolled up the other sleeve of his shirt calling the attention of Calypso’s eyes. 

I’d totally call you hot , She thought.

She only glanced once.. Maybe twice… okay she was staring at him. But ever since Leo had become a resident, she kept on thinking they had to potential to become what.. Well, what Annabeth and Percy had become. Sure, she had rejected all his previous advances but she didn’t want to. She just didn’t think the timing was right- She was very aware that simply telling him the timing wasn’t right was a much more mature thing to do than acting bratty every time he spoke to her.

“Valdez, go make sure none of the pre-surgery kids aren’t sneaking pudding. There’s always bound to be one.” Dr Reyna Ramirez batted her hand towards her resident who gave her a mock salute before walking off. Calypso, unaware that everyone was watching, had her eyes glued to Leo.

 “Calypso is totally checking out Valdez- Mother Hen Reyna watch out- Calypso is after your chicks,” Percy snickered making a joke to the fact that Leo was Reyna’s resident- before Piper smacked him on the back of the head indicating a Shut it, hypocrite.

“No I’m not!” Calypso insisted, whipping her head, that only moments ago was glued to Leo’s ass. She ducked her head and sided next to Piper and Will.

“Calypso eyeing Leo is old news, please make sure you keep yourself updated,” Annabeth proclaimed, her head resting against Percy while his arm was snaked around her waist.    

“I will tell you what’s new then, Solace watching Nico like he’s fresh meat. That’s my bro that you’re checking out man.”     

 “I am NOT checking out Di Angelo!”  

 “Zhang, who are you picking for the procedure?” Annabeth curiously asked and also slightly eager to move away from the current topic. In all honesty, Annabeth expected Frank to choose Di Angelo- He was clearly the most promising and most experienced if one could even call an intern that. Annabeth knew that Percy and Nico had practically grown up together and besides he was a Di Angelo- Surely if his sister could cut, so could he.

“I’m gonna go with Grace.”

“He is not ready for that. Not to be a terrible sibling but he gets flustered a tad easily,” Thalia butted in, trying to protect her brother. She loved him but Jason was a tad sensitive and rustling his feathers was almost too easy.

“Torture one and the rest will fall in line,” Frank admitted half heartedly. He didn’t want to Pick on Jason- he seemed like a great kid, But he also didn’t want to have to have a bunch of misbehaving interns who had egos too big for the hospital because nobody ever put them in line. 

“Are you sure about Grace though?” Annabeth pushed, her voice slightly uneasy. Percy, who noticed this, squeezed her waist gently as a gesture of comfort, affection even. Percy was watching Nico’s table. The interns seemed to be having fun, no one was picking on Nico which was the most important thing and he figured soon the interns would realise Nico’s infamy- of being a Di Angelo of course. What he totally didn’t expect however, was Nico to get out of his chair and casually stroll over towards the group of attendings and residents. 

Nico honestly did not know what he was thinking. Was he being bold? Absolutely. Was he acting on impulse? Most obviously. Was he regretting every step towards them? Definitely. 

He saw Percy’s eyes widen ever so slightly before his face rested into a comforting, genuine smile- something Nico truly appreciated. If Percy was acting nice, the rest of the group were bound to follow his lead, right? Nico shuffled past 2 of the attendings, reaching behind them to gain access to the coffee machine.

Will didn’t know how to react. Did interns normally come and hang out with attendings here? He had no idea. Percy looked as if he knew Nico all his life and he did tell him earlier; That's my bro you’re checking out man. Were they actually related? Or did they just know each other for a long time? By now, all the attendings were settled at their own tables and Piper had unfortunately been rushed off for emergency surgery on one of her patients, leaving Will to sit by himself at a table. That was until Nico was standing by one of the chairs.

Nico took a deep breath and stood by the chair at Will’s almost empty table. It had taken Will a couple of seconds to notice that there was someone even at his table before he almost jolted backwards, alarmed by the shadow that had appeared on his table. Immediately, out of politeness, he gestured towards a seat.

“Do you wanna take a seat?” He offered politely. He watched as the intern hesitated. He could see how nervous he seemed and for a minute he really pitied him- It was no doubt stressful to be the brother of a famous surgeon, especially a Di Angelo.

“Are you sure? I mean, aren't you an attending, ya know, my boss and-”

“-Calm down, it's just a seat,” Will cut off Nico’s rambling and offered the man a seat. Gingerly Nico took it and looked down at his coffee. 

Nico did not think making Dr Solace treat him so nicely was going to be so easy. All he had to do was give a shy look away and blabber a bit and the next thing he knew, Dr. Solace had his hand on top of Nico’s and was shuffling his chair closer to his. Nico realised it was now or never- he had to start sending the right message. 

 “I’ve always found trauma interesting- ya know? Never knowing what's going to come into those doors. Percy used to tell me how much he hated it,” Nico laughed gently, making sure he accidentally  brushed his leg against Dr Solace’s.

“Trauma? Really? Lucky for you, I just so happen to be the new attending on that.”

“I think I’m much more lucky than you think I am, if you catch my draft,” Nico mummuered, smirking slightly, his eyes dropping to Will's lips causing Will to finally get what he meant. Will, slightly flustered by Nico’s onset attitude, flushed pink slightly. He was flattered greatly that someone as good looking as Nico found him attractive but he didn’t want to cause commotion or draw so much attention to himself  so early either. He wasn’t gonna lie, he totally was into Nico but Will knew that he could be putting Nico’s job at risk, not to mention his own. But it wasn’t as if Nico was using him- Nico seemed too innocent for that and besides- he was a Di Angelo, people respected him and the holy ground he walked on.

“If all goes well in your first surgery, feel free to send that draft out again.” Will winked as he got up and threw away the remains of his terrible lunch before heading to the table with the remaining attendings.

“Impress him with your loving, then impress him with your healing,” Will heard Percy whisper, which earned Percy a punch in the arm from Piper, a dirty look from Annabeth and snort from Frank. Will, slightly sick of Percy’s teasing, stormed off to the department at the entrance of the hospital which all the staff here called ‘The Pit’ for some reason. Percy, as clueless as ever was trying to remain a straight face and Frank was struggling to keep on being the mature one.

Hour 10

Nico was adequately proud of himself- he didn't flirt with people often ( mainly because normally it was people flirting with him) but he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t slightly nervous when he was walking towards the room of Katie Bryce and saw a man and woman at the desk- Nico presumed they were married due to the wedding rings they wore.

 “Katie Bryce, Room 3604?” Nico asked the couple. They nodded eagerly and the 3 adults had a quick conversation where Nico informed them that he wasn’t Katies actual doctor, but still was a doctor, and that he would go and find said doctor. Nico, who didn’t actually know who Katie’s doctor was now, had to verbally tell himself to not panic and he managed to figure out that he should ask Dr. Chase (he prayed she wasn’t sleeping). Luckily, Dr Chase was charting at the nurses station and when she heard his meek footsteps approaching, her head snapped up and she raised an eyebrow.

“Katie Bryce’s parents want to speak with the head on the case. Shall I page Dr. Zhang?” 

“Dr Zhang? No, this patient belongs to Neuro now- Dr Jackson, he’s right around the corner.” Annabeth flicked her pen towards her boyfriend who was speaking to two other attendings- who Nico recognised to be Dr Mclean and Dr Ramirez. He waved over to Percy who smiled and dismissed the two doctors before making his way over to Nico and throwing his arm around Nico’s shoulders while ruffling his hair. Nico did not allow the gesture from anyone but felt comforted by it from Percy.

“Percy!”  Nico almost squealed as Percy rubbed his knuckles into Nico’s head keeping him in a loose headlock.

“Death! I haven’t seen you in ages! How has it been?” Percy smiled as he began walking them towards the hallway. Nico cringed slightly from the nickname. Death was not something you want to be called at a hospital, especially if you were a doctor.

“Oh you know, Chase is tough but she knows what she’s doing.”

“She better, she learnt from the best,” Percy said proudly, pointing towards himself. Nico took this as an opportunity to lower Percy’s ego and asked

“Chiron?”

“You smug little-” Percy was cut off by Nico’s shrieks and protests to stop as Percy tickled him. Was it evil of Percy to tickle Nico? Perhaps, especially since he knew that Nico was one of the most ticklish people to ever exist.

Hour 15

Interns filtered into the viewing box above the operating room- they were all excited to watch one of them perform the first surgery. Jason, however, was terrified. He was muttering the basics of the procedure again and again as the crowd filtered in above him. If he made one mistake, everyone would see it, everyone would know and he would become the intern who couldn’t cut.

“Open, identify, ligate, remove, irrigate, close. Open, identify, ligate, remove, irrigate, close,” he muttered continuously, his eyes scrunched shut in fear.

Meanwhile, in the overhead viewing box, interns started placing bets. Sure, everyone was excited that an intern was assisting but they were also bitter. It would be a lie to tell you that no one in that room had thought that they should be down there operating room instead of Dr Grace. As Nico came in, he was slightly surprised to hear people making bets- sure, Jason had taken the surgery from them but betting? Was that really necessary? Especially since they were betting on his demise rather than him succeeding.

“30 dollars if he can’t open the peritoneum.”

“35 if he faints, he seems like a fainter.”

“40 says he kills the guy.”

“50 says he pulls off the whole thing,” Nico, who was sick of hearing the interns bet, cut in, “That's one of us in there- where’s your loyalty?”  Nico had grown up with a loyal best friend- Percy- so if he valued anything in a person it was loyalty. He watched as poor Jason moved his lips, mumbling the procedure. He really hoped Jason didn’t butcher this- he had kind of put his trust in him over here. Jason turned to the nurses as they performed the time- out- reciting the patient's name, sex and other vital information such as the actual surgery- an appendectomy . 

“Scalpel,” Jason ordered his hand reaching towards the nurse. As soon as it made contact with Jason’s hand, the interns went wild. The interns were cheering, clapping and whistling. It was official, Jason was the first intern to pick up a scalpel on a live patient. Even Nico joined in on the cheering, leaning back slightly in his seat and clapping- that was until Dr Zhang turned towards the interns and mimicked silence. The interns understood- Dr Grace does not need distractions. 

“That Zhang is trouble,” Hazel muttered, biting her lip gently. Nico, trying to resist a smirk, leaned over and whispered,

“Hazel’s got a crush.”  

Hazel, as chill as ever (sarcasm intended), pinched Nico’s arm making him flinch, pout and then rub gently at his slightly reddened flesh. Jason was trying to concentrate- he had never thought that one would have to apply so much pressure to cut into human flesh so of course, he hesitated a bit. However, once he was through, he started to find it a bit easier.

“Pickups…. Clamps,” he ordered.

“Dammit, he got through the peritoneum, I’m out,” the intern who betted on Jason admitted defeat as Jason continued.

“Scalpel….. And Appendix is out!”

Despite Dr Zhang's previous warnings, the interns went wild. Jason did it, he actually did it. Nico could see all the interns freaking out and while he was truly happy for Jason, he knew that he hadn’t finished. He had to close and celebrating too early may jinx him. Dr Zhang, who didn’t mind the interns celebrating, began to instruct Jason on his remaining steps.

“Now all you have to is insert the stump into the cecum and simultaneously pull the up on the purse strings, but be careful not to-” Frank was cut of by the distinct sound of sutures snapping- a sound which caused the silence of everyone and echoed 

“- Break them,” Frank finished his sentence, sighing. He wouldn’t lie and say that he didn’t expect this but he hoped that the intern would fix his mistake quickly. He watched as Jason struggled nervously. Jason himself didn’t even know what he had just done- all he could replay in his head was the snapping sound and the feeling of the suture breaking. The loss of tension in his hand as he accidently pulled too hard. Out of all the useful knowledge he had, it was that recent memory that just kept on replaying in Jason’s head.

“You’ve just ripped the cecum, you’ve got yourself a bleeder! What do you do now?” Dr Zhang tried to encourage him but it was no use. Nico watched as Jason froze.

Damn it Jason come on! Alas, Nico couldn’t help but think, Jason was like a deer in headlights- Bambi. Jason didn’t know how to react- what did he do now? He hadn’t considered the possibility if the sutures snapped. 

“Think- You stop the suctions and start searching for those purse strings before he bleeds to death,” Dr Zhang instructed, his voice the only clear thing in the room other than the drastic beeping coming from the monitor. Nico could feel everybody in the room holding their breath- this moment was either going to make or break Jason.

“Give him a clamp,” Dr Zhang ordered.

“BP’s dropping,” a nurse warned. The interns watched with anxiety for their fellow intern- Jason was frozen, his hands stuck mid-air. 

“BP is getting too low.”   

Finally Dr Zhang had to make a decision and he held his hand out to the nurses,  

“Move. Suction and Clamps.”  

The interns all groaned, throwing their heads back or burying their heads between their hands. Money was passed around and Nico could only feel pity for the blond boy who looked like bambi in the operating room. As interns began to leave, people began to whisper.

“He’s a 007.”   

“Yeah! Totally a 007.”

“What’s 007?” Juniper looked around, slightly confused. Nico, morbid as ever, kept his eyes trained on the surgeon operating as he told Juniper.

“License to kill.”

Hour 19

Jason sat in a wheelchair (that he most likely did not want to know where it had been) as he rolled the wheels back and forth complaining. He still couldn’t believe that he had frozen up like that. Not only that but he knew what the consequences of it was now. 

“Everyone is calling me 007,” He complained, still embarrassed from his poor performance. Nico and Meg- both of whom were sick of his whining- answered at the same time.

“No one is calling you 007.”

“Really? A dude in the elevator whispered 007 and everyone started laughing!”

“007 is a state of mind,” Hazel called out as she waited by the old vending machine. It waited a bit too long for Hazel’s patience and thus she gave it a light kick to keep it going.

“Says the girl who finished first in her class at Stanford,” Jason retorted, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Nico was enjoying this mindless banter, it was the first break he had in a while and it was relaxing to be able to not have to think critically for once. Of course, because fate hated Nico in particular, Nico’s pager beeped causing him to groan and accidentally bang his head as he pulled out his pager, causing his eyes to widen.

“Ah, fuck. Someone is paging me 911 on Katie Bryce, gotta go!” 

Nico hopped off the spare stretcher he was on and practically ran towards the stairs desperate to get the patient's room. As Nico left, he let out a small snort of laughter for he heard Jason mumble,

“I should have gone into geriatrics- nobody minds when you kill an old person.”

Nico gasped for air as he walked into room 3604 and saw a perfectly healthy and fine Kate Bryce. What the hell? Did she lose the ability to talk? Because that wasn’t a 911, that was a thank the gods. He looked around for any crash cart or indicator that there was actually anything wrong with her.

“There’s nothing wrong with you?” He panted, feeling his anger bubble up. Katie simply shrugged, twirling her platinum blond hair that looked dyed. 

“I’m bored.” 

Nico gasped and face palmed- he just could not with this girl! Would giving her an early death count as breaking the hippocratic oath? Man, he really wanted to punch Hippocrates- making doctors swear a damn oath on Apollo! 

“This is a hospital, people are dying, people who actually require a doctor's help! Go to sleep,” Nico explained, his voice raising slightly due to the interruption of his very calming break- he considered hearing Jason complain better than any sort of time spent with this patient. Katie, however, did not want to comply with what was being asked of her.

“I can’t sleep, my heads all full!” Katie whined slightly, throwing her head back softly against the propped up pillows. 

“That's called thinking, go with it, maybe you’ll learn something new.”

Hour 21

 Annabeth was happy right now. In this moment as she and Percy lay snuggled up against each other cuddling in the on call rooms, Annabeth was happy. She had to catch up on her sleep and Percy was a neurosurgeon- his surgeries were tiring and required him to be well rested (something that never happened either way) for him to perform at his best ability. She could hear Percy’s heart thumping under her ear as she lay with her head on his chest and one of her legs thrown on top of his. The sound and vibrations were comforting, relaxing, easing her to sleep- she was happy.

Juniper did not feel so happy right now. She was standing at the nurses station staring at the on - call room that she knew Dr Chase to be in. As she stood by the nurses station, a nurse leaning on the desk asked her what she wanted. 

“Mr Anderson has chunky veins, he needs antibiotics and I should start a central line,” Juniper admitted, looking away. The nurse, not even glancing up from his chart simply told her,

“Then start one…” 

Juniper's silence told him what he needed to know.

“...And you don’t know how to. You know what that means.” The nurse nodded his head towards the on call room where Dr Chase resided. Juniper had to physically restrain herself to stop herself from shivering. She was about to break Rule 3. She peeked her head into the dark on call room where she initially thought she was about to accidentally become scarred for life. However, what she saw surprised her. Dr Chase was soundfully asleep next to Dr Jackson. Their arms were intertwined with each other and Dr Jackson had one arm wrapped around Dr Chase’s waist. They looked so peaceful, Juniper was so tempted to walk out and just let Mr Anderson get a nice trip to the morgue but she didn’t want to end up being called something like 007. She took a deep breath.   

“Dr chase, I don’t mean to bother you-”

“-Then don’t,” Annabeth snapped. She did not want to leave Percy, he was so warm and she wanted her damned sleep.

“It’s Mr Anderson,” Juniper started explaining.

“Is he dying?”

“No.” 

“Then stop talking to me.” Annabeth rolled over so that her back was towards Juniper. Juniper cleared her throat slightly which caused Percy to jerk his arm. Annabeth huffed, clearly agitated. 

“Next time you wake me, he better be so close to dead, there’s a tag on his toe.”

Hour 23

Nico was walking towards Katye Bryce’s room once again to check in on her. Hopefully, she had taken his advice and was soundly asleep by now. Yet, as Nico approached her room, he saw nurses running in and out of it- Nico picked up his pace until it was a run as he got into the room. Immediately, the nurses briefed him on what was going on.

“She’s having multiple Grand Mal seizures, now, how do you want to proceed? Dr Di Angelo, are you listening? We’ve given her diazepam, 2 milligrams of  Lorazepam- we just gave a second dose- Dr Di Angelo, you need to tell us what you want us to do!”

Nico was frozen. What in the name of Hades had happened while he was gone? He began to filter his thoughts-find out what's in her system and proceed from there. 

“You gave her lorazepam?” he asked.

“Yep, 4 milligrams.”      

“You’ve paged Chase and Jackson?”  He pushed.    

“Lorazepam isn’t working!”

“Phenobarbital, 2 milligrams,” He blurted, remembering the drug from a chemistry quiz he had gotten completely correct due to Bianca’s old notes.       

“Heart’s stopped!” a nurse called out. Nico’s brain called out Code Blue, Code Blue! But his mouth could not move. What was he doing? He normally acted on immediately in emergency situations- they were practically his reflexes. He had to focus. He closed his eyes for a second.

Focus Nico, focus- this girl is literally dead. 

His eyes snapped open- he was still panicking but now that he had a second to think, he had a vague idea of what to do.

“Okay, start compressions- grab the crash cart. Charge the pads to 200.” Nico turned his head towards the nurse operating the charge value on the defibrillator.  

“Clear!”

Katie Bryce’s jolted upwards, but her heart did not return to normal. The nurse opposite to Nico continued compressions on her body while the other nurse held an ambu bag to her face, squeezing it every 5 seconds to provide air for her lungs. 

“Still V-Fib, no change,” the nurse commented. 

“Charge to 300.”

“27 seconds since the heart stopped,” another Nurse informed.

 “Charge to 360, C’mon Katie. Clear!” Nico waited to see if her heart would react.

“ Okay, restarting compressions,” He ordered as he tried to think of the next step in running a code.

“49 seconds since the heart stopped.”

“Charge again, Clear!”

Everyone in the room waited anxiously as the monitor returned to beeping normally. 

“Sinus Rhythm.”

A collective sigh of relief was let out as people started filtering out.

 at the hell happened?” Percy asked as he speed walked into the room. He couldn’t help feeling a bit useless as he found his patient that was dying only seconds ago, alive and well- only it wasn’t him who had saved her, it was Dr Di Angelo.

“She had a seizure and her heart stopped,” Nico explained, sighing gently now that Percy was here. 

“You were supposed to be monitoring her.” Percy turned around to face Nico. Nico was not expecting the accusatory tone- sure he wasn’t expecting clap on the back either but a Oh hey for keeping her alive while I took ages to show up would have been nice. Nico had known Percy all his life but despite that, he had never seen such a cold, turned off side of him. Was this how doctors or surgeons did their jobs? Become cold to everyone around them? Nico tried to explain himself- the key word there being tried.

“I-”

“-Just go, I’ve got her now.” Dr Jackson batted his hand and Nico was dismissed. Nico felt dismissed. Was this the life of an intern? Being blamed for every small inconvenience so the attendings can feel less guilt on their backs? Nico didn’t do anything wrong- he followed protocol, just as he had been told. He ran the code and continually paged Dr Chase and Dr Jackson. Them not showing up was the issue here, not him. He had saved her life. Not them.

Nico’s mind felt dead. He was 23 hours into a 48 hour shift and already, he was feeling the pressure. Too much pressure- was there a point to this? Was there a point to any of this? Nico dragged his feet across the floor, trying to find the exit.

“When you get a 911, you page me immediately. If someone dies, it’s on my ass. You hear me? Di Angelo?” Dr Chase raised an eyebrow at the intern who practically ignored them as they walked to the exit door, ignoring everything around them. The interns, Jason and Hazel both noticed his abnormally pale face and dazed expression. Hazel, being the concerned sister she was, followed Nico as he started to gain speed towards the exit.

“Nico, are you okay?”She reached her arm out but Nico made no notice of her. He could feel his stomach become more and more uneasy. He leant against a pole with one hand and quickly threw up his lunch. He placed both of his hands on his thighs, remaining hunched over and trying to catch his breath. As he walked back towards the hospital, intending to go and wash his mouth out, he caught Hazel walking towards him with concern drawn all over her face.

“If you ever tell anyone…” Nico trailed off as he walked past her, entering the hospital again.

Hour 26

“You said it was a seizure disorder, now you’re saying it isn’t?” Mr Bryce, Katie’s father, asked with slight confusion. He stood by his wife's side, both his hands on his hips in a confrontive manner. 

“I’m saying that I don’t know. For now, I don’t have an answer for you. Now that Katie is stable-” Dr Jackson started explaining only to be cut off by the father.

“-We came here because this hospital is supposed to be the best in New York. That's my kid in there and you have the audacity to stand here and say I don’t know. I want someone else , a doctor that knows what they’re doing. A doctor better than you!”

“Mr Bryce, I can assure you that I’m working hard on Katie’s case-” Dr Jackson tried to keep himself calm. He was working hard but sometimes the body did things that science couldn’t explain. He was a doctor, a surgeon, not god. 

“- No, you’re not. If you were, you’d be able to give me some answers.”

Percy decided to leave the couple before he said something to them that he’d regret.

Dr Zhang was a calm, collected and highly skillful surgeon. He knew what he was doing as he explained the surgery to Mr Savitch.

“I put you on the bypass machine, which pumps blood for your heart, fix your ticker, take you off the machine- I’m done. Simple procedure.”

His wife -who was clutching her husband's hand so tightly her knuckles were turning white- asked Dr Zhang with a slightly relieved voice,

“So I have no reason to worry?”

“I’m very good at what I do but it’s still surgery- there are still some risks. I’ll see you in the Operating Room this afternoon Mr Savitch.” Frank waved his hand goodbye to the couple and left while Dr Grace stayed behind to reassure the patient.

“Dr Zhang is very good, you’ll be fine,” Jason confirmed.

“He’ll be fine right?” Mrs Savitch urged again, wanting a guarantee. Her eyes screamed Tell me my husband will live. Jason could not understand how she was feeling but he sympathised for her. He wanted to help her, he reminded him of his mother, a woman who worried often. 

“Tony’s gonna sail through it- You have nothing to worry about Gloria - I promise.”

Hour 30

Nico had no idea why he was here- in fact, he had no idea why any of the interns were here. They had all been called to the briefing room for a conference yet at no point had he been informed what exactly it was about. He glanced to his right to see Hazel holding sutures with a banana laying on her lap.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m suturing a banana with the vain hope that it wakes up my brain,” Hazel drawled her hand raising up to tighten the perfectly spaced sutures together- something Nico too had the talent for. Their heads both shot up as Dr Jackson, with Dr Chase beside him, walked in. Dr Solace also walked in, catching Nico’s eye as he leaned with his back on the door frame. 

“I’m gonna do something pretty rare for a surgeon. I’m gonna ask interns for help. Katie Bryce right now is a mystery- she isn't responding to medication. All the tests are clean but she’s having seizures, Grand mal seizures and we don’t know why. I need you to help me out,” all the interns sighed as Percy explained this. 

“I know you’re tired, I know you’re busy which is why I’m gonna give you an incentive. Whoever finds the answer rides with me. Katie needs surgery- you get to do what no intern does. You get to scrub in to assist on an advanced procedure. Annabeth- I mean- Dr Chase will hand out the chart- The clock is ticking people. Let’s save a life,” Percy weakly smiled as he saw the eager interns scrambling for the files and gave Nico a wink as he left the room. Nico had to look down at his shoes to not blush- his crush on Percy had subsided years ago but what are you meant to do when people wink at you? 

Will decided to tag along to the intern conference being held by Dr Jackson- he’d get a chance to see the interns working under incredible amounts of pressure and have a look at potential residents to take under his wing as trauma residents. At least, that's what he told himself. In reality, he had wanted to see the Italian doctor who had the guts to flirt with him and then invite him to bed. Was Will offended? Of course! Did this intern think he was that easy? While Will told himself that wasn’t easy, a small part of his subconscious told him that him showing up to the intern conference for one gorgeous man proved otherwise.

As Nico left the conference room, Hazel jogged to catch up with him- though Nico didn’t know why she was jogging, she had much longer legs than him.

“Hey, I want in on Jackson’s surgery- you've been the intern on her case since the start- you want to work together? If we find the answer, we have a 50/50 chance of scrubbing in ,” She offered. 

“Sure, but I want in on the surgery.” Nico shrugged.

“So do I.”

“May the best surgeon scrub in,” Nico held out his hand for Hazel to shake. The game was on. 

The locker room was full of several other interns- all of whom were re-reading Katie’s chart as if their lives depended on it. Hazel and Nico were hunched together by their lockers- which were co-incidentally placed next to each other. There were 6 empty cups of coffee- 4 were Hazels and 2 were Nico’s. Rainbow sweet strips, Nico’s pick of course, were also present- Hazel had to beg Nico for a pack as he had 3 to himself. Nico was so used to staying up for unnecessarily long hours that he didn’t need as much caffeine to keep himself acting like a live human being, unlike his sister.

“So she doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis. It’s not a tumor because the CT was clean,” Hazel confirmed.

“What about infection?” Nico suggested as he savagely bit into a rainbow gummy strip, ripping it away from his face causing sugar sprinkles to fly everywhere. Hazel shot him a look as she brushed them off her scrubs.

“No , there’s no white count, she has no C.T lesions, no fevers, nothing in her spinal tap.”

“What about an aneurysm?” 

“No blood on the C.T, no headaches, no drug use, no pregnancy, no trauma. Nico, what if this girl dies?”

“This is gonna sound really bad but I really wanted that surgery,” Nico confessed before continuing, “Her pageant talent is rhythmic gymnastics. What even is rhythmic gymnastics? I can’t even say it properly, I don’t know what it is!” 

“Oh come on, they have pageant talents?” Hazel started snorting with laughter with Nico joining only a mere matter of seconds later.  Rhythmic gymnastics- a totally odd and dangerous pageant talent. Why not go with knitting, there’s a less chance of falling. 

A less chance of falling. 

Nico’s brain raced- something about that was relevant- vital even. Why did that sound so important?

 Nico shot up, grabbing his sister by the arm. He thought he knew what was wrong with Katie.   

“Get up, come on. Come on!” Nico whisper- shouted as he grabbed Hazel who asked him what the hell he was on about. He told her about Katie’s fall during practise for rhythmic gymnastics when she had sprained her ankle- the chance of a small aneurysm to form.

“The only thing that she would possibly need is an angiogram,” Hazel realised as they both rushed out to find Dr Jackson. They found him in the elevator ,alone, and just as the door started closing, Hazel stuck her hand in the way of the door. Immediately she started talking.

“She has no headaches, no neck pain, her C.T is clean- there’s no medical proof of an aneurysm but what if she has one anyway?”

“How?” Percy questioned, slightly confused.

 “You see she twisted her ankle and fell. Just a bump on her head. It was so minor that her primary care doctor didn’t think to mention it in her history but there's a chance, right, Perce?” Nico almost begged, using the childhood nickname he used to call Percy, that he used to call his best friend. That is what he was doing at that moment- asking for his best friend to listen, not Dr Jackson.

“You know there’s a one in a million chance of that, literally,” Percy sighed, shaking his head. The siblings hung their heads as the situations settled- their diagnosis was getting shut down or so they thought it was. The lift opened and there stood Percy smiling. He waved his hands, signalling them to follow him. 

“Let's go find out if Katie is one in a million.”

Hazel and Nico were both silent as they waited in the cath lab- this was it for them. Either they become a pair of fools and Nico would tarnish the Di Angelo name or they get to be the first interns out of their year to assist on an advanced procedure. Percy stood with his arms folded, his black hair tousled and his jaw muscle ticking like crazy- Nico could also see that he was stressed although who for, Nico could not tell. 

“I’ll be damned. It's minor but it’s there- a subarachnoid hemorrhage. She’s bleeding into her brain,” Percy gasped slightly as he pointed his pen to the small black blobs on the screen. As they left the Cath Lab, Hazel and Nico were ready. They wanted to know who was getting the surgery- sure, they had agreed that the best surgeon would win but secretly, they had both hoped that they’d both be able to scrub it. 

“Uh, Dr Jackson, you said that the intern who brought the diagnosis would be able to scrub in,” Hazel gently reminded, her eyes hopeful and full of yearning.

“Unfortunately, I can’t have you both so Nico, you’re scrubbing in.”

Nico was over the moon- His first surgery was going to be with Percy and he was going to assist! However Hazel both looked and felt distraught. She knew she should feel more happy for her brother but she couldn’t help but feel a slight sliver of jealousy that he had only been chosen because Nico and Percy were childhood friends. As Nico turned around to apologise for her, he saw that she had already left without him.

Hour 34

Jason was in the scrub room waiting for Dr Zhang to finish up the surgery on Mr Savitch. Was he nervous? Of course, but he was also confident in Dr Zhang's skills as a surgeon. He was sipping a soda while charting, leaning with his back to the operating room- he didn’t want to get distracted by the surgery happening behind him. The door swung open with a Whack and Dr Zhang walked in, looking dejected. 

“That was quick, wow!” Jason said admirably- he knew Dr Zhang was good, but he didn’t think he could complete a surgery like that so fast!

“He didn’t make it. His heart had too much damage to get him off bypass- I had to let him go. It’s rare but it happens. It’s the worst part of the game,” Frank confessed as he washed his hands and splashed water onto his face, making him feel slightly more alive. Unlike Jason who swore his extremities went numb. 

This couldn’t be, right? Surely this was a prank- everyone would play a prank on him, he was the 007! He would walk into the operating room and see the nurses preparing to move him back to the ICU for post surgery care. Yes, yes that’s what this was- a whole prank. Dr Zhang was probably punishing him for almost killing a person in surgery and this was his equivalent of karma. Despite the idea, when Jason turned around, he regretted everything he saw. There was blood on the floor,the patient was still wide open, the heart monitor which was still attached to the patient showed no sign of cardiac activity. Jason could feel a lump in his throat, a lump that he just couldn’t swallow. Hos throat was dry and there were tears pricking at the corner of his eyes as he attempted to speak.

“B..but I told his wife Gloria that he would be fine- I promised her tha-”

“You what? The only person who can give a promise like that is God and I haven’t seen him holding a scalpel lately. You never promise a patient's family a good outcome!”Frank, in a rare moment of no self control, lashed out. Jason, who realised his mistake, decided to leave Dr Zhang to mourn what he considered his failure and inform the family of their greatest loss.

Frank slumped over the sink in the scrub room, rubbing at his head. He had never failed something so simple, how did he not foresee this? His fists clenched and relaxed as his mind went over the events of the surgery- he had never felt so much like a failure in his life as he did in this moment right now. 

As Jason approached the family, he could see their cheerful, happy faces, completely unaware of the soul- crashing news that he was about to bring them. Gloria ,who noticed him on instinct, immediately smiled wider- she thought she was going to go see her husband now. His kids had no idea what was about to happen to their lives. Jason still had the lump in his throat that was only getting bigger. He had to swallow several times which was a struggle because of his dry throat. 

“How is he?” Gloria rushed her words out and it seemed she seemed more excited than nervous. Jason swallowed heavily before starting.

 “Gloria, there were complications regarding your husband's surgery. Tony’s heart had a lot of damage. We tried to take him off bypass but- there wasn’t anything we could have done.”

Jason’s hands wrung back and forth as he struggled to keep his eyes from watering. He could feel them stinging as he fought back the tears of his betrayal

Gloria’s face scrunched up before slowly falling. Jason could see how her face slowly morphed from one of pure happiness to one of panic and distraught but Jason could also see the hope in her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Gloria’s voice broke slightly, her lip curling.

“Tony died. He’s dead… Gloria, I am so sorry.” Jason reached out to comfort her, his hand reaching to stroke her back only for Gloria to completely flinch away from his touch. Betrayal illustrated her face and Jason couldn’t bear to continue looking her in the eye.

“Please, go away.” 

Jason had undergone a lot of tough, painful situations to become a doctor and yet, this is what broke him.

Hour 40

Percy was shaving Katie’s head, watching the blond tufts of hair fall off her face. Nico walked in, smirking as he leant against the door. On noticing Nico’s presence, he began to whisper, 

“I promised to give her a cool haircut. Apparently it’s a scandal to be a bald beauty queen.”

“Ah, well, I would totally pull it off..” Nico reached towards his hair and pushed it back slightly. Percy laughed slightly and nodded in agreement before they fell into a comfortable silence- the only sound being the buzzing from the electric razor. Nico watched Percy with admiration in eyes and Percy would look up at him every once in a while with a genuine smile that made his eyes crease.

Will was watching Percy and Nico hanging out in room 3604, an odd feeling of spite towards Percy starting to form. He didn’t know why- Percy had always been a good friend to him, helping him earn the respect of his peers. He watched as Nico watched Percy and suddenly felt the urge to accept Nico’s offer. 

“I do hope that you aren’t staring at Di Angelo,” Leo walking up behind him commented dryly. 

“Lover boy, you can’t really talk. Last time I checked, you seemed to be physically unable to keep your eyes off Calypso,” Will muttered in response. Leo gasped in mock offense before laughing. 

“Awww, are you two sharing ‘we are going to single forever’ moment?” Piper cooed. Will grunted slightly - while Piper defended Will in public she totally teased him when there weren’t as many people and as for her and Leo- well they had known each other since they were teenagers. 

“I’d like to escape the single lot, thank you for the offer though, pipes,” Frank sighed as he joined the group of them. His mood was still down due to losing his patient- he couldn’t help feel overwhelming guilt for not saving a patient with such an easy procedure. 

Percy came out of the room, chatting away with Nico before he spotted the group of attendings who were all staring at them. He raised an eyebrow at all of them, especially since they weren’t trying to be subtle in any way.

“Yall, get back to work.”

The operating room was a tad warm. Or maybe that was Nico sweating due to his nervous nature. He couldn’t afford to screw up here, he had made it so far in only a few hours and had worked hard. Dr Jackson walked in with his trident and sea print scrub cap on his head before he looked around the room.

“All right everybody. Are we ready? Okay, Scalpel,” He held his hand out as he ordered a scalpel into his hand. Nico who was on his tip- toes to see what was going on for he was not sure if he could come any closer- neurosurgeons were scary people sometimes. Percy, who was ecstatic and in a great mood, gestured for Nico to come closer. 

“Nico, come take a look. Your sister would absolutely love this,” Percy gushed and for once, Nico completely agreed as he looked at a live human brain.

Hour 48

It was finally time to head out. Nico was relieved- his eyeliner ,which was perfectly done the morning he came in, needed re-applying and he wanted to put his heeled boots back on. He was sick of everyone being taller than him. He was in the locker room after finishing the surgery and quickly he changed. He felt much better once he was back in his own clothes. Black ripped jeans, fingerless gloves, Ramone t-shirt and his beloved heeled boots.  He stood in the mirror finishing off his eyeliner as Hazel walked in.

“We don’t have to do the thing where I say something and then you do and then somebody cries and then there’s a moment-” she started

“Yuck,” Nico cut in. Hazel smiled ever so slightly but Nico noticed it, causing him to attempt to repress a smile. The key word there being attempt. 

 “Good.”

Nico was looking for Percy- he wanted to thank him for the amazing surgery and for picking him to scrub in. He was about to enter the on call room that he assumed Percy to be in when he accidentally walked into someone. That someone just so happened to be Dr Solace. Except he was shirtless.

Why the fuck was he shirtless? Is there someone in there with him? Oh my god, was I hitting on a straight dude?

“Ah, sorry about that. I was changing when I realised my clean clothes were in my locker,” Will confessed sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head. But Nico wasn’t really paying attention to anything that came out his mouth but rather his lips. Wait, why was he shirtless again? Nico had an internal panic for about 2 seconds before he pulled himself together and remembered his objective around Dr Solace.

“If  I’m correct Solace, that surgery went very well,” Nico smirked. 

If your first surgery goes well, then feel free to send that draft out again.

Nice one Nico, you got this.

Will opened his mouth, slightly in shock that Nico had still remembered that by now- sure it was 41 hours ago but most interns just wanted to sleep  by now. But This was a Di Angelo he was talking about- surgery ran in their blood.

“Well congratulations. I caught the draft. What are you going to do about it, Di Aneglo?” Will challenged quite confidently, Nico’s surname rolling off his tongue.  Nico started walking towards him, backing him into the oncall room. The second they were both in there, Nico’s hand reached behind him and locked the door with a flick of his wrist. 

“Copy me,” Nico told Will. He raised one of his arms and then the other, watching as Will copied, slightly confused by the random motion. He then put both his hands together above his head and the second Will copied, Nico pinned Will’s hands above his head with a single hand and smiled wickedly. Will, adequately impressed, leaned his head forward to kiss Nico who obliged.

Explosions. 

That's what Nico felt. He wasn’t expecting Will to be such a good kisser. The kiss was soft at first, their breath dancing across each other's lips but became more heated as Will tried to shift his hands out of Nico’s reach. Nico, being stubborn as he was, refused.  Will bit Nico’s lip gingerly, teasing him as he pulled his lip back slightly between his teeth- the second Nico groaned gently, Will used all the momentum he had to flip them and press Nico against the door, holding one of his wrists in his hand. He reached to grab the other and hold it above Nico’s head as their lips smashed. When Will finally pulled back for air, he started making light butterfly kisses onto Nico’s jawline, making his way down to Nico’s neck. He gently sank his teeth and lightly sucked on the flesh there, making Nico throw his head back and let out a light moan. 

Nico decided that he could thank Percy for the surgery later.

Hazel was waiting for Nico. She was outside the hospital and was watching as all the other interns were leaving and finally he arrived. His clothes were a mess- crumpled, his t- shirt was completely inside out and there was a bruise on his neck.  Hazel had no idea what had happened and honestly, she didn’t want to. Nico waved to her, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it.

“Finally! Gosh, we need to go if you want to get there on time!” Hazel fussed.

 Annabeth and Percy were holding hands as they chatted away with Piper and Reyna- their faces all in an animated conversation despite being awake for 48 hours. 

“And then I totally clipped that aneurysm,” Percy boasted, swinging Annabeth's hand up in the air with his. 

Frank was meant to be paying attention to the conversation he was supposed to be having with Leo- who was excitedly talking about the life saving surgery that he did with Calypso as the Peds and OB department had to team up for that case. However, Frank was actually looking at Hazel as he started telling off Nico for the smoking near a hospital. 

“It was a really cool case- the mother was teen in the third trimester which meant Peds had to work with OB. The baby had a tight nuchal cord so the delivery had to be performed by C- section so we could safely clamp and cut off the umbilical cord,” Leo ranted.

Thalia was rustling the blond hair of her younger brother as they got into a car, talking about their days. 

“Who cares, 007 was totally badass!” Thalia told her brother as she started the car. Piper waved goodbye to Percy, Annabeth and Reyna, and leaned against one of stumps while she waited for Will. When Will finally arrived, his hair was an absolute mess and he had a few buttons of his shirt undone which gave view for a bruise blooming on his collarbone. Piper decided not to make much comment of it as they both started walking away. Will turned his head to see Nico one more time, only to see him laughing and kissing the head of a girl with dark skin and beautiful curly hair. Terror and unease immediately set within him. 

Did I just help him cheat on his girlfriend? 

Will decided to push the thought to the back of his mind as he left the hospital.

Nico was stalling. He knew it and so did Hazel. She had pulled up at the nursing home but he was still drumming his fingers on his lap as he sat in the car. After 10 minutes of pure silence, Nico got out of the car, the only sound made being the soft closing of the car door. He walked up the steps before entering the home. It was well lit, elegant and classy- he knew if Bianca was lucid that she’d love it here. He walked towards the window seat, knowing that she always loved to sit there. He took a gentle seat next to her, waiting for her to  notice him  nearby. When she finally acknowledged him, she looked at him and up and down, slightly confused.

“Are you the doctor?”Bianca asked, her eyes wide.

“No, I’m not your doctor but I am a doctor,” Nico attempted a smile but it failed with corners of his lips falling slightly. Biance wrung her hands back and forth, fidgeting with them subconsciously. The nails that used to be flawless were now chipped and bitten at.

 “What's your name?”she turned her head towards him, tilting it slightly as she looked her brother in the eye.

“It’s me, sis. It’s Nico,” He said half heartedly, his voice cracking as his eyes followed hers, trying to somehow get to her lucid mind. He saw her eyes. He saw her how they looked at him, how she didn’t recognise him. Her eyes, they weren’t the same golden brown that gleamed, they were glossy- as if there were clouds covering the clear sky.

“I think I used to be a doctor,” Bianca mused as she continued to rub her hands aggressively. Nico reached out to stop her, hoping she wouldn't flinch or become aggressive. He held her hand in his, enveloping his hand over hers and she accepted the gesture. Just for a second, Nico could see his sister again. 

“You were a doctor. You were a surgeon.”

[surveysonfleek]

1605.

Do you wear lipgloss, lipstick, chapstick or nothing at all? on the daily, i always wear lipbalm. i only really wear lipstick for events

What’s one thing that has pissed you off in the past five days? |that we’ve had to go back to the office. technically government advice says we dont have to but our work basically ‘forced’ us. still annoyed.

Do you say ‘flexible’ or ‘bendy’? flexible. ive never used ‘bendy’ ever

Are you wearing a belt right now? nope, im in pjs

Are your feet propped up on something? im in bed so my feet are up i guess

Do you worry about things that aren’t your responsibility? unfortunately yes, its sooo annoying

How often do you say ‘ain’t’ or ‘y’all’? i say aint from time to time but i dont usually say yall

Can you do a cartwheel somewhere in your house and not hit anything? yes, at the front of the house. buuuut i cant cartwheel lmao

Are your eyes wide, narrow or in between? inbetween id say

Are you currently tired? If so, why? im not that tired if im honest. only coz i had a nap which is really bad since now i wont be able to sleep tonight lmao

Have you seen the movie Avatar? If so, did you like it? Why or why not? yes, ive seen it once. super long but it was great! it deserved the hype it got

Do you know someone who has been kidnapped? no

What have you sacrificed in the past year? honestly... not much. i should start being more productive tbh

Do you state the obvious frequently? yup!

Have you ever told someone that it would be better if they killed themself? never.

Are you emotionally sensitive? hmm not really but it doesnt take much for me to switch my mood. someone would just need to know how to push my buttons

What’s in your pockets, if anything? no pockets

Do you own a watch? yup! ive had my apple watch for nearly two years now. lasted longer than my old one!

How do you feel when people talk about you as if you’re not in the room? this doesnt happen often but whenever i hear my name, im like, what?

Do you own a knife? just kitchen knives

What’s your favourite vowel? ii dont have one fave

Aren’t cupcakes just basically mini cakes? Why not call them mini cakes instead?! no point changing the name now! plus the word ‘cupcake’ is cute

Have you ever told your parents to shut up before? haha never. i wouldnt have the heart to

Do you tend to correct people? yeah, i cant help it sometimes.

What’s the stupidest thing that you have lied about? im blank right now but i make a lot of white lies lol

How many necklaces do you own? i owned sooooo many when i was younger. i went through that phase of buying heaps of fake jewellery. i only wear one necklace one, its a tiny one that says ‘d’

Have you ever been to Forever 21? yes

Have you ever tasted glue? i dont think so

When’s the last time you inflicted pain upon yourself? just last saturday. i was watching hamilton live and my stomach was hurting soooooo bad. i was pinching myself so i had that to focus on. the last thing i wanted to do was get up in the midde of the show to go to the bathroom.

Cruise ship or sail boat? cruise for sure!

Do you know every word to the song you hate most? nah

Where were you at this time three days ago? i was in the city, having more fun than i am now

How do you take out your anger? sleeping it off

Have you ever woken up and your arms were sore, but you didn’t know why? yeah but i mostly assume its from the way i slept

Your name, list two different ways to spell it. rather not share my name coz its a weird spelling that is basically google-able

Do you prefer fridges with vertical doors? yup! i dont remember the last time we had a fridge the other way

Are visitors allowed to smoke in your house? no, they can smoke outside if necessary

What, about the economy, bothers you most? all of it!

Have you ever said ‘off the chain’? haha i probably did when i was a teenager

Do you put fruit in your cereal? nope

Lime green lights or orange lights? i think id like green better

[steponmepinkjun]

your mistake was expecting this fixation to "die out." the trap with kpop is that theyre Constantly Releasing More Content so you're stuck here till they disband, bro. kpops been my longest lasting hyperfixation and it only dimmed down (not even died out) when i doubled my dosage of antidepressants during a mass pandemic and had to violently project onto visual novels so i could Feel Something. as soon as i weaned myself off my meds the kpop brainrot came back Full Force. its been years. ive fully accepted that im never escaping this hell and so should you -felix bi anon

Look I went into this pandemic telling my bestie on the daily "ma'am I am sorry but I am not watching anime and I am not getting into kpop, anything that is even vaguely reminiscent of shit I wouldve gotten beat up for in high school is very much a firm NO from me, also my two fav artists of all time are Lil Kim and Lana Del Rey, I don't think kpop is gonna be my speed at all, it's just not gonna vibe w me okay. And also my Type™ is very much rock dudes who are skinny and pale like they're dying with hella tattoos and an attitude problem, I'm tryna meet a man at the hardcore show, them kpop boys are not the vibe" (OOP it was the western beauty standard brain rot in FULL force bestie 🙊) so like, the fact that I even started to stan skz was 10000% against my will 😂 the part of me that once wanted to work in marketing is absolutely fascinated by the structure of the kpop industry and how insanely effective it is, but I thought I was ABOVE THAT lmfaooooo and NOW LOOK AT HA. CRYING OVER SOME SHORT ASS LIL AUSSIE BOY SINGIN SONGS WHERE I ONLY KNOW ONE OUT OF EVERY 75 WORDS. I WAS TRICKED, I WAS BAMBOOZLED, I WAS HOODWINKED!!!!!!! Also every fuckin time I see some lil kpop boy struttin around bein hella goals I'm like "lemme check somethin real quick, lemme cover my bases," cause I am NOT tryna get bamboozled into stanning another bunch of FETUSES, LITERAL ZYGOTES, and every damn time Google is like "yeh bestie they're all of 21, you're about to go full cougar mode, pump the breaks, back it up bestie, exit the premesis, back away slowly" and so I do cause like yall I aint even old, I'm only 27, but that is On Deaths Door in internet land and I'm not tryna get cancelled, so I physically cannot allow myself to stan any other group lmfao 😂 I have made my peace with skz sneaking into my fuckin heart but NEVER AGAIN. ACTIVATING AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE!!!!!!! I have never been cool a single day in my damn life and I do NOT need to add the stigma of someone I work with catching me doing the full Back Door choreo in my car before I clock in 😂 my high school trauma will not allow it 😂 ain't no room for it, I'm baggin' and taggin' any other groups content and yeeting it 100 miles away from me, my ego can't take it, she's fragile, she can't take criticism, lemme go back to flying completely under the radar with my basic ass self, that's all I ask 😂 I don't need to go back to work and have a FULL mental breakdown on the sales floor because Chan posted a selfie, I don't need to have to try to explain to my coworkers that I need ten minutes to chain smoke and cry over some boy reading comments on a live chat 😂 LET ME OUT OF THIS FIXATION, BRAIN, PLEASE, I AM EXPOSING MYSELF AND SNATCHING MY OWN WIG ON THE DAILY 😂😂😂😂😂

[lariskapargitay]

Brienne of Tarth is Lightbringer

Daenerys Targaryen, Jon Snow and Stannis Baratheon.

All three are grey heroes in the series, one of which is the most popular character in the book and especially the show. All three are legendary figures from their respected Houses- the one true king who should have been Lord of Stormsend, the secret prince born of ice and fire, and then there is the Mother of Dragons, Mysha, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and the last (so far as we know) Dragon.

All three have been, supposedly, chosen by the Lord of Light, and all three are the leading choices for Azor Ahai with their individual weapons (dragons, a valyrian steel sword and a burning sword) acting as the legendary weapon Lightbringer.

It makes sense; the great leaders who’ve been prophesied to end the long night. One even has DRAGONS, it would be absolute folly to imagine anyone else’s from three big huge players, one of whom the series is named for whose story is so heavily linked to the Others, to act as Azor Ahai or the weapon prophesied to end the Long Night; Lightbringer.

This post isn’t to dissuade those three or others from being AA or LB, but rather to put forth a new candidate to act as the legendary metaphorical ‘sword’. Someone who was a supporting player for the second and third books, ignored in the show, and for some reason people consider boring when she finally gets a chance to shine in her own POV.

Brienne of Tarth.

The ugly girl who wants to be a knight, a noblewoman whose house isn’t a great one, who has blood ties to both the Targaryen and Baratheon dynasty and who were kings and queens in their own right once upon a time. Not much is known about House Tarth apart from their sigil, rose and azure quartered with yellow suns and white crescent moons, the name of their keep Evenfall. Their descendants were not always called ‘Tarth’ though, their family name was once ‘Evenstar’, which has been passed down to be the official title of the Lord of Tarth.

Their House seems to have a fond appreciation for the sky and all that comes from it, including naming the small little island off Tarth ‘Morne’ to stand for morning, with only House Dayne as a challenger in regards to their love and admiration for the celestial. All that to say; House Tarth values light, in all its natural forms. The sun, the moon, the stars, the morning dawn… Their sigil and title literally brings light *looks directly at the camera like I’m in the office*, and it is one of only sigils where no matter what; it cannot be killed. No matter if the Dead or Living wins the war, the sun and moon and the evenstar will rise day after day until the end of eternity. Dragons and krakens and crows and stags and direwolves and lions can be killed, but the lights in the sky can never be.

The title of Evenstar itself also has connections to Lightbringer. Lucifer means ‘Lightbringer’ and it is the Latin name for the planet Venus. Venus used to be called ‘Evenstar’, and Evenstar is, as covered above, the title of the Lord of Tarth. With Faegon attacking Tarth, it is safe to presume that Selwyn, her father, is dead and Brienne is now the Lady of Tarth making HER the Evenstar which literally, not metaphorically, makes her, Lightbringer (which is something no other contender can claim.)

Another language fact is Tarth means smoke or fog in the Welsh language. “Born amidst salt and smoke,” is a large part of the prophecy of AA & LB and Brienne, being born on an island that means smoke in the middle of a salt sea…

ACOK Davos I

“To oppose it, the hero must have a hero's blade, oh, like none that had ever been.”

AFFC Brienne I

>When she was small, her nurse filled her ears with tales of valor, regaling her with noble exploits of Ser Galladon of Morne, Florian the Fool, Prince Aemon the Dragonknight and other champions. Each man bore a famous sword, and surely Oathkeeper belonged in their company, even if she herself did not.

Brienne often thinks of Oathkeeper as a ‘magic sword’, and here she not only calls it a heroes sword, but she is humble enough not to consider herself amongst them. The sword is worthy of being a part of something great but not Brienne herself. And right after she refuses to call herself a hero, she kneels, blade in hand, and says a prayer to the Crone whose known to bring light *once again looks at the camera like I’m in the office* to help guide people who would ask for it.

>**AFFC Brienne I**

>Kneeling between the bed and wall, she held the blade and said a silent prayer to the Crone, whose golden lamp showed men the way through life. Lead me, she prayed, **LIGHT THE WAY BEFORE ME**, show me the path that leads to Sansa.

Now, onto a huge moment for Brienne, where a large bulk of this theory comes from. The dream Jaime has, the prophetic Weirwood dream where most of his prophecies have come true.

>**ACOK Davos I**

>“In this dread hour a warrior shall draw from the fire a burning sword.

>**ASOS Jaime VI**

>Brienne’s sword took flame as well, burning silvery blue. The darkness retreated a little more.

>Brienne moved her longsword back and forth, watching the silvery flames shift and shimmer.

>Then his sword went dark, and only Brienne’s burned, as the ghosts came rushing in.

Lightbringer is, in its most basic form, a burning sword. Brienne, Stannis, Thoros, Beric, Jon and Jaime are the only ones to use a burning sword. Stannis sword is proven to be a fake, Thoros uses tricks to get his sword to light on fire, and Beric had a legitimate magical burning sword but he gave up his life for Lady Stoneheart. That leaves Jon in his dream then Jaime and Brienne in Jaime’s dream.

Again, this essay is not to dissuade the other candidates, but I personally do not believe that GRRM is the type of writer to let the secret dragon prince, the just leader, the Aragorn of Westeros get the big prophecy fight in the end. Aragorn wasn’t the one to destroy the ring, it was the unsuspecting big footed hobbit who saved the day. In any case Brienne DOES carry a flaming sword she uses to fight the dead, and she is the ONLY LIGHT left in Jaime’s world and the world itself. And yes, Jon does carry a red flaming sword in his dream whereas Brienne carries a silvery blue flaming sword in Jaime’s dream, but Oathkeeper, her sword, is red and black. It’s spell forged, it’s magic, **IT COMES ALIVE IN THE SIGHT OF FIRE**.

>**ACOK Davos I**

>And that sword shall be Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes.”

>**AFFC Brienne VIII**

>In the light from the firepit the red and black ripples in the blade almost seemed to move.

Let’s move on to another significant moment in Jaime’s dream is when a naked beautiful Brienne touches him.

>**ADWD Jon III**

>Therefore after Lightbringer was never cold to the touch, but warm as Nissa Nissa had been warm.

>**ASOS Jaime VI**

>She put a hand on his shoulder and he shuddered at the sudden touch. She’s warm.

Brienne is warm in his dream just as Lightbringer the sword is warm, she carries a flaming sword, she brings light, she’s the only light in the world… The dream can be interpreted in a few ways, mostly done to either prove or disprove an eventual romance between Jaime and Brienne, (I 10000% proves it does along with all the other evidence but that’s another 2000 word essay for another time.) But I believes it also offered a substantial amount of proof to my theory that Brienne is in fact Lightbringer. Melisandre even says the Lord of Light created the sun and moon and stars to assist them in ‘keeping the night at bay.’ .

>**ADWD Jon III**

>The Lord of Light made the sun and moon and stars to light our way, and gave us fire to keep the night at bay.”

Once again; let me bring back the Tarth fascination with the celestial

>**AFFC Brienne II**

>The arms of Tarth were quartered rose and azure, and bore a yellow sun and crescent moon.

>**ASOS Jaime IV**

>“I am Brienne of Tarth, daughter to Lord Selwyn the Evenstar, and sworn to House Stark even as you are.”

Brienne is the sun and moon, she is the brightest star in the sky. Yes there was a magic comet that fell for the birth of dragons but it lasted only for a while then died off. The Evenstar will always stay in the sky, as well as the sun and moon. They will always bring light.

Now, branching off into LOTR territory for a moment, Brienne is given the exact same introduction as Eowyn was when she killed the Witch-King, as ‘no man’ could kill him

>**The Return of the King, book 5, ch. 6 "The Battle of the Pelennor Fields"**

>“But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter!”

>**ACOK Catelyn II**

>“He is no man, My Lady. That’s Brienne of Tarth, daughter to Lord Selwyn the Evenstar.”

Don’t you think there’s just the tiniest bit of coincidence that GRRM introduces Brienne using a VERY similar quote to another blonde shieldmaiden who is confused for a man right before she helps destroy the leader of a great and terrible undead army and helps save the day?

Now, all this isn’t to say she’s an absolute shoe in for Lightbringer. That’s not to say it won’t be the obvious choice and Jon and Dany or Stannis save the day and they get to rule Westeros for 100 years and they get to be the ones who tell the Hobbits they bow to no man. But what I am saying is Brienne is just as much in the running to be Lightbringer as them. And just how bards can slay dragons, and Hobbits can destroy rings; an ugly girl who wants to be a knight can most definitely be a Lightbringer.

[creative-type]

wake from death (and return to life) iv

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22564141/chapters/53920291

Previous: https://creative-type.tumblr.com/post/621667466339385344/wake-from-death-and-return-to-life-chapter-iii

.

Kuina spent the next three days learning her way around Belo Betty’s ship. As promised, Dragon soon departed, disappearing like a mirage on a hot day, gone as if he’d never existed. He had been the one person who seemed to actually wanted Kuina on board, and with him gone Kuina felt quite alone. She spent her days doing what Lyudmila told her to do, when she told her to do them, fulfilling the obligation she had to the Revolution for getting her out of Loguetown and hoping it was enough to keep them from throwing her headfirst into the sea.

Practically speaking, that meant doing dozens of chores while Revolutionaries showed her the ropes. Literally. Kuina spent much of her time cleaning what needed to be cleaned, hauling what needed to be hauled, and mending what needed to be mended while learning the basics of sailcraft. Darareaksmey in particular seemed to take great delight in mocking Kuina’s ignorance, which according to the other crew meant she liked her.

The work was a welcome distraction, reminding Kuina of the menial chores she used to do around the dojo before she was old enough to learn the sword. And more importantly, the people around her liked to talk. The Revolution never openly discussed their plans when she was around, but Kuina was such a silent fixture that they seemed to forget when she was in the background swabbing the deck, or washing dishes, or whatever other odd job she’d been assigned at that moment.

What she learned was illuminating. Belo Betty wasn’t just some Revolutionary nobody—she was in command of the entire East Blue. The ship Kuina was currently on was hers, Dragon somehow able to manage travel by himself from the Grand Line for a mission of strategic importance.

Aria de Gris was another leader, but of only a single ship that had been damaged in the previous battle. She and a portion of her crew had joined with Betty to see Dragon back to the Grand Line and talk strategy. Dragon had never planned to return with them to the battlefield, his departure interrupted by Kuina’s sudden appearance.

It was childish, but Kuina bitterly wished he would have just taken her with her. She could feel Zoro’s lead stretching by the second, and the thought of falling even further behind made her want to pull her hair out.

The Army wasn’t even going to let her fight.

“Better,” Dara said as she inspected the rope she’d given for Kuina to practice her sailor’s knots. “This one almost looks like it’d hold together during an East Blue squall.”

If she was nervous about their nearing destination, she didn’t show it. With quick, nimble fingers she undid Kuina’s handiwork and returned the rope. “Now do it faster.”

Kuina grudgingly did as she was told. The noonday sun beat down overhead, cooled by a delicious sea breeze. After three days Kuina was almost used to the sway of the ship, but didn’t think she could ever feel comfortable surrounded by so many people crammed in such a small space. “I don’t know why you bother. I’ll be gone in a few days.” Kuina said.

“Pfft, you wouldn’t last a week on the Grand Line in your state,” Dara said. “You’re lucky you’re a quick study—it took Lizard three times as long to get half as good as you are now.”

“I can hear you,” Elizabeth said irritably as she passed out rations to Kuina and the women minding her. The galley had been made into a makeshift war room debating last-minute preparations for landing later that day, with Lyudmila given strict instructions to shoot Kuina if she went within twenty feet of its doors.

“I know,” Dara said breezily. “That’s why I said it.”

Elizabeth made a rude gesture that only made Dara laugh. Scowling, Elizabeth asked, “What are you even doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in the meeting? It sounded important.”

“Boss knows I don’t have the patience for that kind of stuff,” Dara said. “She’ll let me know what I need to know. This is much more amusing.” She turned her attention to Kuina. “Watch out, you’re tying it backwards again.”

Kuina gave it another attempt. “Where are we even going?”

Elizabeth and Dara exchanged looks before turning to Lyudmila, awaiting her judgement. Kuina held her breath, giving up on even the pretext of industry. Of everything she’d overheard, no one had breathed a word of their ultimate destination, let alone any details about the supposed war that was being waged there. The veritable brick wall only whetted Kuina’s curiosity.

Sometimes she regretted not reading the paper.

“You can’t keep it from me forever,” Kuina pointed out. “Is it Tolouse?”

Elizabeth let out a huff and turned away, giving a sarcastic wave as she walked back to the galley. “I’m not getting into trouble for this.”

“Coward!” Dara called before grinning at Kuina. “How’d you figure it out?”

“Been headed dead east for three days. There aren’t that many islands it could be,” Kuina said. She shrugged, picking at the ropes. “Besides, you hear a lot of interesting things from the pirates who come from that way. The king doesn’t seem all that popular—easy to stir up trouble there.”

“You’re half-right,” Dara said.

“Dara…” Lyudmila said in a warning tone.

“Fine, fine,” she said, flopping dramatically on her back, hands tucked behind her head. “The big fight’s over anyway. This is just a pitstop.”

“To switch ships?” Kuina said, glancing at Lyudmila. As always, it was difficult to guess what she was thinking, but she made no further effort to censure their conversation.

“And gather the rest of our crew, yeah,” Dara said. “Then we’re getting the hell out of this backwater and going back to where we belong. East Blue is bor-ing. Don’t know why Boss was so interested in coming, to be honest.”

There was a pause, and Dara turned over to her stomach, propping her head up on her hands. Her eyes flickered to Lyudmila, who shook her head slightly. She sighed. “Haven’t had a decent fight in weeks.”

“You just came from a war,” Kuina said, nonplussed.

“An East Blue war,” Dara corrected. “And thus one that was very boring. Everyone knows East Blue isn’t worth anything in a fight.”

Kuina smirked. “Maybe you haven’t been fighting the right people.”

The glint in Dara’s eyes turned wicked. “Sweetheart, I like you. In fact, I think you’re hilarious. But you underestimate the strength of the Grand Line, and it’s going to get you killed if you’re not careful.”

“Maybe, but all I’ve heard is a lot of talk without anything to back it up,” Kuina said.

“That’s bait,” Dara said, grinning, “and I’ll not bite—Oh hello there, Boss. How’s tricks?”

Kuina didn’t jump, but her hand did move instinctively to her katana as de Gris exited the galley, breaking away from a cluster of Revolutionaries exiting the war room to approach them. She acknowledged Dara’s greeting with a nod. “The situation’s changed.”

Lyudmila went very still, while Dara and Kuina exchanged confused looks. “How do you mean, Boss?” Dara asked.

“Reinforcements arrived before the Revolution could completely secure their defenses. They punched a hole through our line and recaptured the armory, jammed communications, the works. We’re lucky Trini was able to get a message through at all. It sounds like the situation’s hot and not in our favor.”

“What?!” Dara exclaimed. “We had the city completely taken! Their king was in chains.”

“Not anymore,” de Gris said.

Dara jumped to her feet. “What about the rest of the crew?”

“As far as I know they’re fine, but we’re going to need all hands on deck if we’re going to scrape out a win.” She looked down at Kuina, the scar running down her cheek pulling her mouth into an unhappy grimace. “Alright, Swordsman. Time for you to put your money where your mouth is.”

Far above them, the Revolutionary flag snapped proudly in the wind. Eyes narrowed with suspicion, Kuina tried to discern the older woman’s intentions. “You’re going to let me fight?”

“I need to make sure you’re good enough to not die. Big difference.” With a whisper of steel, de Gris unsheathed her sword. “Prove to me there’s some bite behind all that bark.”

Beside her, Dara paled. “Boss, you can’t be serious…”

“It’s just a skill check. I need to know what level she’s at, and this is the easiest way to do it.”

They didn’t think she could win. Kuina threw the rope she’d been working on aside and climbed to her feet. Bowing slightly to de Gris, she said, “I’m honored to accept your challenge.”

“What are you, some kind of samurai?” de Gris paused to fish out a cigarette, putting it to her lips and lighting it one-handed. “You have till I finish this to show—”

In a flash her blade was up to meet Kuina’s. Even holding it one-handed, de Gris was able to effortlessly stop the full weight of Kuina’s blow. Dara and Lyudmila scattered as a cat’s grin stretched across de Gris’ face, smoke curling from the end of her cigarette. “Not bad, not bad at all. And here I thought you were nothing but dojo trash.”

She pushed Kuina back, and for a moment the two circled one another, each trying to get a measure of their opponent. Kuina was vaguely aware that they had attracted the attention of the rest of the Revolution, and saw Lyudmila whispering fiercely in the ear of Belo Betty.

“Eyes on me, kid!” de Gris shouted before exploding in a flurry of strikes. Her movements were unlike anything Kuina had ever seen. With impossible quickness she closed the distance between them. Her footwork, the angles she used to attack, were all new and unfamiliar. Kuina, used to fighting against sabers and katanas, was quickly driven to the defensive, each reaction a heartbeat too slow to do anything else as she tried to process the foreign fighting style.

De Gris moved with liquid grace, reminding Kuina more of a dancer than a swordsman as she fought. Each step was economical and precise, her blade flashing from every angle, seemingly simultaneously. Kuina was forced to take a step back, then another, but was quickly running out of room to retreat.

But even as she was being driven back, Kuina began to sense the pattern in her steps, the method to her mad dance. The rapier a piercing weapon. It depended on thrusts and parries over slashing attacks. The blade didn’t have the mass to manage a single, crushing blow, relying instead on speed and precision.

Well then. It was time to disrupt de Gris’ timing.

Kuina feinted a forward thrust, and in the half-second it took de Gris to defend jumped backward onto the ship’s railing. A ripple of surprise rose through the crowd as she ran across the iron rails until she reached the middle of the ship, leaping toward the boom of the foremast.

“Very impressive, if you’re a monkey,” de Gris called. “But I thought you were going to fight—”

But Kuina didn’t stop. She caught an unsecured line and used her momentum to swing behind de Gris, aiming an attack at her exposed back. As expected, de Gris was able to evade with ease, and the bones in Kuina’s arms jolted with the force of her blade cutting through the deck before somersaulting back to her feet.

“You don’t like giving people time to talk, do you,” de Gris said. “And you do realize we have to actually sail on this ship, right?”

“Send me a bill,” Kuina said, grinning wildly. She pulled her sword from the wood in time to deflect de Gris’ rapier, melting from defense to offense as she tried to use their reversed positions to force de Gris into the same limited space she had just escaped from.

It was damnably difficult. De Gris wasn’t the strongest opponent Kuina had faced, but she was the most technically proficient. It had been years since Kuina had needed this level of focus in a fight, and she could feel the rust in her movements.

Without even realizing it, she’d let herself grow complacent, and de Gris was exposing that weakness now.

All the more reason to get to the Grand Line as soon as possible. The East Blue had nothing more to offer her. On the world stage it was nothing, which meant she was nothing...

Blood roared in Kuina’s ears as she failed to get anywhere near de Gris. Kuina took greater risks, forced her body to move all the faster to match her opponent’s feline grace. De Gris’s thin, weightless blade was no match to Shimotsuki steel, and Kuina put the full weight of her rage behind each attack.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered a flicker of surprise in de Gris’s eyes a moment before Kuina’s blade clashed against her own. With a quick flick of the wrist Kuina batted it aside, just as de Gris had done at the start of her fight, using her own momentum against her to gain inside position.

Kuina attacked without thinking, and she was lucky de Gris was as fast as she was. Her blade passed by the tip of her nose by a hairbreadth, slicing what was left of her cigarette down to the pale orange filter.

The silence couldn’t have lasted for more than a moment, but it felt like it captured an eternity. De Gris’s eyes followed the path of the still-burning cigarette now rolling down at their feet. She sighed, sheathing her sword and said, almost to herself, “Is that all?”

“What do you mean?” Kuina demanded. “Clearly I—”

“You had until the cigarette was gone to show what you were made of. Well, time’s up. This fight is over.”

“You’re just scared because I was winning,” Kuina said.

The words struck a nerve. A muscle in de Gris’s jaw twitched and her nostrils flared slightly as the air around her shifted, circling like the winds of a hurricane with de Gris as its malevolent eye. Kuina shifted back into a defensive stance, keeping half an eye on Belo Betty. The Revolutionary commander had her arms crossed over her chest, flag nowhere in sight.

“You really thought you had a chance,’ de Gris said. “You couldn’t feel the distance between us.” She shook her head in disgust. “And you call yourself a swordsman.”

She reached for another cigarette, paused to take a deep drag. When she finally looked at Kuina, she saw nothing but contempt.

“Hit me with your best shot, kid,” Aria de Gris said, raising her sword in languid challenge. “I’ll show you how much you have yet to learn.”

Kuina’s grip on her sword tightened. The blood boiling in her veins had calmed enough for her to realize she’d said a very stupid thing when surrounded by a ship full of enemies who likely wanted to kill her, but she wasn’t afraid of de Gris or her sword, and her pride refused to back down from such a grievous insult.

This was her chance to prove herself to these people.

Kuina took a deep breath, steadied her racing heart. She could feel the power around de Gris. The older woman was settled, like a table with a low center of gravity. She wouldn’t be easily overturned, but Kuina was confident. She was ready. She had trained her whole life for this moment, for the chance to be acknowledged as a skilled swordsman and not just a little girl playing with a blade

Her father once said that a true warrior wielded the blade of ten thousand men. Maybe she wasn’t there yet, but she was worth more than this one.

Kuina lifted her katana above her head, ready to end this in one strike. “Thousand man—”

De Gris was inside her guard before she could finish speaking.

Kuina moved on instinct, but de Gris batted her sword aside as if it were an inconvenient fly. With her free hand she reached inside the long coat hanging from her shoulders. In one fluid moment she pulled out a gun, cocked it, and pushed the cold metal barrel under Kuina’s chin.

It was horror in slow motion. Kuina flung herself back just as de Gris shouted, “Dara, now!”

An unseen force plowed into the back of Kuina’s knees. She crumpled face-first into the deck, white light flashing across her vision as her forehead cracked against the wood. Attempts to roll away were stopped by a pressure against the wrist of her sword hand and a vice-like grip around her ankles.

Kuina looked up to see Aria de Gris’s foot on her wrist and her gun between her eyes. Twisting frantically, Kuina couldn’t help but let out a yelp of alarm that Darareaksmey’s arms, head, and torso had her legs pinned firmly to the ground, the rest of her body seemingly melded with the deck.

“What the hell?!” Kuina exclaimed. “This was a duel! You...you cheated!”

“It was a skill check,” de Gris said flatly. “Do you think people in a war are going to line up for you all nice and neat, one at a time? Do you think they’re going to play by some arbitrary rules?”

She lowered her gun and sheathed her sword. “I’ve no use for a soldier with more ego than common sense. I don’t care how big a hot-shot you were in your little backwater dojo. In the real world, you aren’t worth shit.”

Xxx

“You know, you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. I’ve not seen anyone do that well against the boss in, well, a long time.”

“Please stop talking, I am begging you.”

Kuina ground the heels of her palms against her forehead, hoping to counterbalance the terrible pounding currently beating against the inside of her skull. She’d suffered from headaches on and off since being pushed down the stairs of her father’s dojo, and falling face-first into the deck had triggered a monster between her temples.

Dara was undeterred. “I wondered why Dragon wanted you so bad, but I can definitely see it.”

The island of Toulouse was a tiny speck on the horizon. With a favorable wind at their back, they’d soon arrive at the near-hopeless battle. Kuina didn’t know what was going to happen to her once they did, and worse, she didn’t care.

With the change in situation, Lyudmila had been relieved of babysitting duty in favor of joining the rest of the ship’s leadership in their makeshift war room. The mood of the Revolution had shifted, men and women moving with increased urgency as they sharpened weapons, prepared guns, and tried to coax every bit of speed from the brigantine, their faces drawn in grim, serious lines. Every once in a while a bark of nervous laughter would punctuate the air like cannonshot, but it was quickly hushed. Everyone knew that the situation was dire.

Dara, whose disregard for meetings extended even when the Revolution was on the verge of defeat, had taken over Kuina-watching duty. But even her enthusiasm had its limits, and every few minutes she would look out at the approaching island, squint as if she were trying to suss out the enemy position on that tiny black speck, her knee bouncing with nervous energy.

“Wonder what Boss will have you do,” she said absentmindedly.

“Probably nothing,” Kuina said. “You heard her: She’s got no use for me.”

Dara snorted. “Oh, please. Compared to the trouble I got myself into when I first joined, that was nothing. It’s an, ah...learning process. Being part of a group, I mean.”

That wasn’t very reassuring, but Kuina had no desire to argue. “What the hell was that trick you did, anyway? I never saw you coming.”

“Oh, my devil fruit?” Dara said, eyes brightening. She raised an arm, and in the time it took Kuina to blink, the space from her hand to her elbow went paper thin. The change was so sudden, so utterly bizarre, that Kuina couldn’t help but recoil away from it. Dara laughed, and just as quickly put her arm back to rights again.

“Flat Flat Fruit,” she explained. “Not much good for fighting, but sneaking around? Easy-breezy.”

“Just how many devil fruit users are on this ship?” Kuina asked.

“Right now? I don’t know everyone on Betty’s crew, but I think it’s just three. Once we hook up the rest of the crew there’ll be a couple more to show you.” Another squinting look at the horizon, more bouncing of her knee.

There was a comfortable lull in the conversation while Kuina massaged her aching head. A gull screeched overhead, making at least one Revolutionary jump. The moment quickly passed, and Dara slapped her palms against her thighs. “Well, I need to get ready. You just brought that backpack with you, right? You don’t have any armor or anything to put on, just in case?”

Just her mask. Kuina lugged herself to her feet and followed Dara belowdecks. For the first time, no one was paying attention to her, the Revolutionaries too busy with their own preparations. Kuina was glad to be invisible once more. Despite Dara’s reassurances, shame coiled around her belly, constricting like a snake squeezing the life out of its latest meal. It was impossible to walk with her head held high after her disgraceful performance. De Gris’s voice echoed in her mind, conflating with the voice of countless others she’d heard since childhood. The scar that drug across her chest pulsed with her head, bringing to the forefront the weakness she thought she’d long ago left behind.

You aren’t worth shit.

The words were short, concise, and painfully blunt, but they were also the truth. And for that, she had no one to blame but herself.

They passed by Elizabeth’s little workshop on the way to their quarters. When she saw the door was open, Dara paused to poke her head inside. The assistant cook was deep at work dividing what appeared to be dozens of firecrackers into different piles.

“Hey Lizard, got any goodies for me?” Dara asked.

Elizabeth didn’t look up from the task in front of her. “On the back shelf.”

Dara clasped her hands in front of her gave Elizabeth a tiny, mocking bow that was returned with a raised middle finger.

“Gracious as always,” Dara said once she returned to Kuina’s side. “C’mon, we’re wasting daylight.”

“Is she…?”

“Our munitions expert?” Dara said. “Yes. Yes she is.” She hugged a little baggie close to her chest like it was a lover. “Her food might be garbage, but I’m pretty sure that’s because she’s testing some new long-acting poison without telling anyone.”

“I can still hear you!”

“Seems like an odd mix of jobs,” Kuina said.

Dara shrugged. “Cooking, catastrophic explosions...it’s all chemistry, really. Lizard here just happens to be better at one form more than the other. Isn’t that right, Lizard?”

Elizabeth had stormed to the doorway while she was speaking. She hardly came up to Dara’s shoulder, but she carried herself with the same energy of a lady’s lap dog that thought itself a wolf. “Go. Away. And stop blabbing to the stowaway. She’s not on our side.”

Dara’s grin showed entirely too many teeth. “Wanna bet?”

“I’m not a stowaway,” Kuina said at the same time. There was a pause as what Dara said sunk in, and both she and Elizabeth looked up at her with disbelief.

“You’re crazy,” Elizabeth said. “A hundred berries says she bails at the first opportunity.”

“I’ll put down five that she stays.”

“Your loss,” Elizabeth said, and she slammed the door in their face.

Dara looked for a moment like she wanted to shout something through the door but thought better of it. She put her little baggie into her pocket and said, “You better not run on me. I don’t actually have five hundred berries.”

“It was a stupid bet,” Kuina said. “I’m not joining the Revolution.”

“Maybe, maybe not. But I saw how pissed you were when the boss pulled that gun on you. You’re not going to be happy till you beat her in a fair fight, no matter how long it takes.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and Kuina wondered if, just maybe, she was right.

[kumeko]

A/N: For the Eos Compendium zine! I’ve been dying to write Nyx/Luna since I’ve seen the movie, and took this as an excuse to just do it.

Summary: Nyx wasn’t sure if the past kings had something else in mind for him or if he was still clinging to life out of sheer stubbornness (sheer stupidity, Crowe would have called it). Either way, Luna was here and he was alive and this time, he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight.

…

…

…

…

i.

 “Nyx.”

 A voice flowed over him like water, soothing the burns and lacerations that crossed his body. Every part of him felt like it was on fire, as though he was lying on a bed of coals. No, that wasn’t right—it was more like he was burning on the inside, a flame simmering just beneath his skin.

 “Nyx, wake up.”

 A heaven-sent balm, the voice continued to call his name. His eyes fluttered open, the bright light of the sun searing into his retinas before he squeezed them shut again. Fuck, he swore, but his throat was parched and the only sound that escaped his lips was a dusty cough. There was a tingle in his fingers and toes as he tried to wiggle them.

“You are alive.” A soft sigh of relief. Something warm and wet hit his skin. Cracking his eyes open an inch, Nyx slowly took in his surroundings. As his eyes adjusted, he could make out smouldering fires, jagged rubble. Hell, now that his body was awake, he could feel the cracked rocks beneath his back. The sharp points poked into his skin everywhere except for his head. A hand brushed his forehead, soft fingers hesitantly pressing into his skin. “Though I am not sure how.”

 “Your Highness,” he managed, opening his eyes now fully to make out the bent figure of Lunafreya Nox Fleuret. His charge. She shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here. Dozens of questions ran through his mind and Nyx closed his eyes once more. Taking a deep breath, he started with the basic steps. Was anything broken? Not his ribs, at the very least. Nothing felt cracked, just bruised.

 And his skin, his skin felt like fire, like ash, like it would burn into nothing and flake apart at the slightest breeze. It was a strange feeling. An imprint of the ring was permanently scorched onto his finger and even though it wasn’t on, he could still feel the weight of it all. He breathed in. As he exhaled, Nyx opened his eyes and shakily started to rise.

 Luna quickly grabbed his shoulders, helping him up. Closer now, he could make out the dirt on her skin, the tear streaks on her face. “Be careful, I do not think you have recovered yet.”

 “As much…” His voice cracked. Nyx swallowed, his mouth still too dry.  “As much as I can be, your highness.”

 Not the response she was expecting, he was sure. Luna stared at him for long ten seconds, her eyes blinking owlishly, before she cracked a smile. “I suppose if you can talk like that, you are better than I expected.” Her slim fingers ran down his arm, leaving a trail of ice in their wake, before curling around his hand. Inspecting his fingers, she murmured, “Truly, it is strange. The ring has left barely a mark on you.”

 “No, it definitely left something.” Nyx winced—his body still felt like it was on fire, ever smouldering. What had the kings said? He’d have their powers until the dawn had risen? He had taken it to mean the next day, but here he was. Maybe there was some other dawn they wanted him to live to. Or maybe he was alive purely by willpower, his body kept together by the shear strength of his stubbornness. Crowe would have called it idiocy.

 She was probably right. He was too stupid to know when to die.

    ii.

There were certain aspects of life that Luna had resigned herself to accept: her death, the fate of the world, the fact that her struggle would be a long and lonely one. The second she had summoned the trident, had connected with the gods, she had known all of these things to be true, whether she willed them or not.

 The man following her like a loyal dog was not one of those things. Stopping in the middle of a muddy path, Luna turned around to face him. “You do not have to follow me.”

 “What else am I gonna do?” Nyx’s lips quirked into a smirk and she didn’t know if his expression or his tone was more infuriating. A mix of both, most likely. “I’m a dead man walking.”

 “Live your life, however much left of it there is,” Luna entreated, focusing on his scarred hand. Even now, she did not know how he bore the pain. His right arm was a mass of burns, thin flakes of skin chipping off here and there. The price of the ring was a steep one indeed, though not as high as she had feared. He had lived, at least. He should not be throwing his life away like this. “Meet your friend.”

 At that, Nyx flinched. His eyes lowered and he shook his head. “Liberatus would understand. It’s dangerous out here and I don’t think your trident will cut it.”

 “What I am doing is dangerous,” Luna corrected. “Whether you are here or not, my path is a difficult one.”

 “I can make it slightly less difficult.” Looking more serious now, Nyx pulled out his Glaive knife. A knife that was now useless to everyone but him. He balanced it in his hand before slowing wrapping his fingers around the hilt. “I promised King Regis to keep you safe.” Gripping the knife tightly now, he tossed it behind her and burst into a million refracted lights as he warped to the wild beast behind her. “It’s the only reason I’m still standing.”

 Luna spun around, watching as he killed monster after monster, his knife hurtling from one direction to another. It was a futile task. Even if they injured her, they wouldn’t kill her. Not yet. It wasn’t her fate to end here.

 It was her fate to die across the sea, in a watery grave. You can’t save me, her lips refused to form.

 Some part of her knew that he would try anyways.

    iii.

 The modest campfire flickered, just barely strong enough to survive the slight night breeze. Nyx quickly scanned the moonlit sky; with the bright full moon, anyone could spot them if they were looking hard enough. All it took was one magitech engine and while Nyx could take down a group, even he would have difficulties against that many.

 “Is something wrong?” Luna asked quietly. On the other side of the fire, she hugged her knees to her chest, her eyes half-closed, and she looked more like a lost child than a fierce, stubborn princess.

 “Nothing yet.” One last check and Nyx tore his eyes away from the sky. The embers flickered in and out of existence, the fire on the verge of dying, and he added another log to the pile. At least the smoke wasn’t too visible. “You should sleep.”

 “As should you.” Luna eyed him now, looking slightly more awake. “I do not understand how you are still standing. When was the last time you slept?”

 “…properly? Weeks ago.” Nyx shrugged, leaning back. “Maybe it’s the ring.”

 “Perhaps so.” Luna pulled out the chain from under her dress, holding it up in the dim light. The fire flickered on the dull silver, casting reflections that looked like omens of the future. “Though I do not know of any such properties. Moreover, only the king should be able to draw out the ring’s power.”

 “Prince Noctis,” Nyx mumbled, resisting the urge to spit out the name. Even now, he felt a surge of bitterness over all that was lost so the royal heir could survive. Over all who had died so a single boy and his entourage could make it to the next day. “When’s he getting the ring?”

 The wrong question. As soon as he asked, Luna’s expression darkened and she let go of the chain. With a guarded look, she answered, “Not yet—there are still some tasks before he is ready. He must connect with his ancestors and gain powers of old. He must form convents with the gods.”

 “And you won’t meet him till then?” Nyx clarified, though he already knew the answer to that before she nodded. This was a woman who had jumped out of a flying vehicle to help her king, a woman who kept pushing and pushing forward for a duty that wrapped around her thicker than any chain.

 “Yes. There is much to be done.” Luna paused before softly adding, “And not much time to do it.”

    iv.

 “Your highness,” Nyx softly started, watching her from the corner of his eyes as she slowly picked her way down steep mountain path. It had been hard to find an opening where the empire had no eyes, a path that only the wild animals knew.

 Before he could continue, Luna shook her head and cut him off. Firmly, she corrected him, “Luna.”

 “That isn’t—”

 “Insomnia is no more. Tennebrae was annexed.” Luna’s eyes lowered as though she was remembering some place, some time long ago, when neither of those were true. Her hand grabbed onto the nearby wall, keeping her steady as she found her footing forward. “All that I have left now is the trident and my name. There are not many who can still call me by it.” When he didn’t respond, she added, “Have we not travelled together long enough to drop such formalities?”

 Despite her light tone, her eyes were just as determined as they had been when they’d raced through Insomnia. Rubbing the back of his neck, he nodded. “Fine. Luna.” In his head, Nyx could already hear Crowe and Liberatus laughing. Quickly, he amended. “Princess Luna.”

 “Not quite what I was hoping for, but it is sufficient.” Luna smiled.

 “Anyways, about your brother...” Nyx trailed off. There was no easy way to say this. Biting the bullet, he forged on, “He’s alive.”

 “Ravus?” Luna almost stumbled over a rock, shock colouring her expression. Grabbing his arm, she stared up at him. “Are you certain?”

 “Yeah.” If there was one thing that remained true even after all that they’d been through, it was that news travelled fast and gossip even faster. The small towns that they had carefully bypassed were full of stories about a one-armed general and the rag-tag team that Noctis had managed to scrounge up. “He lost his arm, but he’s still there.”

 For once, Luna was like an open book. Joy and sorrow warred in her expression, her hand slipping off his to clasp her other one. “He is truly alive.” Her pace slowed, her foot scuffing the earth as she digested the information. “The old kings were very generous then, allowing both you and him to survive. Though, perhaps it would have been better if he had not. He will only obstruct us in the future.”

 “You don’t have to say that, you know.” Nyx looked away when she turned to him, staring instead at the center of the large crater they were heading down. “You can be happy about it.”

 “Can I truly?” Luna murmured, her hands squeezing tighter together. Her nails dug into her skin. “Even now, he is still with the empire, is he not?”

 “I was hoping he’d died.” Nyx shrugged. “It’s fine if you’re happy about it—no one else will be.”

 “Is that so?” Luna squeezed her hands one last time before finally dropping them to her sides. “I am happy, but also a little sad. I do not think he is my brother anymore.” She smiled ruefully. “I think my brother died long ago, I had just hoped otherwise.”

    v.

The Archaean roared. It took all of Nyx’s strength not to fall backwards at the sight of this god towering over them, at this angry being who looked ready to smite at a moment’s provocation. As it was, the heat was terrible enough without this added fear. Wiping his brow with his free hand, Nyx tightened his grip on his dagger.

 In the middle of a stone ledge, Luna regally stood with her trident. He was never sure where this courage came from, where all that strength fit inside of that tiny, frail body. Even as the Archaean glared her down, Luna didn’t back away. Determined, she held up her trident once more and beseeched, “Remember the covenant. The chosen king shall arrive soon to claim it.”

 A massive hand took a powerful swipe, his fingers just barely missing the young woman. Even then, she didn’t flinch, and Nyx raised his dagger. A god. He could take it on. Maybe. At least, it would give Luna enough time to flee. “Princess, I think it’s time to go.”

 “Stay back.” She didn’t turn around as she ordered him, her gaze steady on the god’s.

 “He’s—”

 “This is my duty.” Those words again. Her duty. Her sacrifice. What visions of the future did the gods send her that she had completely forgotten self-preservation? “I will see it through.”

 Nyx gritted his teeth. “Fine.” Crouching slightly, he kept his hand steady in case he needed to quickly drag her away. He could be stubborn too.

    vi.

 Luna pulled her jacket around her tighter. It was raining now, Ramuh sparking lightning and thunder across the sky, and they still had miles to go before they reached his location. In front of her, the meager fire Nyx had managed to make sputtered and died.

 “Shit.” Nyx leaned forward, shielding the weak embers. Using the dry kindle he had saved, he tried to coax the fire back to life. It was too late; despite the small alcove they were hiding in, the rain was determined to get in everywhere. With a sigh, he sat back. “Sorry, princess. Looks like we’re in the cold again.”

 Princess. She hadn’t liked the change in titles at first, but rolling off his lips, it sounded almost like a nickname. Curling up into a tighter ball, she sighed. “You tried your utmost. It is all I can ask for.”

 “Still. Would have been nice to be warm for once.” Nyx leaned back against the wall. This close, she could make out the profile of his face, the rough scars that told stories she would never know. His usually neat braids were for once a little messy, unable to keep together in the constant rain. “I guess he got it?”

 “Got what?” Luna asked, startled back into the conversation. “Who?”

 “The Archaean. Noctis.” Concerned, he looked down at her. “You sick, princess?”

 “No, I am fine.” Luna rubbed her cold arms. “Noctis did achieve the covenant, the Archaean was appeased. There is a reason all that heat vanished.”

 “And then Ramuh had to sweep in and make everything wet,” Nyx commented blithely, a bitter expression on his face. “I guess it won’t go away till he gets here?”

 “Not until the covenant is forged,” Luna confirmed regretfully.

 “Then wouldn’t it be quicker if we just travelled with him?”

 “Not entirely.” Luna buried her head in her arms, listening to the rain as it fell. The large droplets were comforting. “I had considered it. Unfortunately, the gods require ample preparation time and it would be too dangerous for both of us to travel together.”

 Nyx said nothing. They sat in silence, listening as the thunder rumbled in the distance. Lightning flashed, crashing to the earth on a lone tree in the mountains. Luna could hear Nyx breath shallowly, his body tense and ready for a fight. He was always ready to jump into battle, to defend, to protect. She had almost forgotten what it was like to be with someone else and share a burden.

 “Do you want to see him?” Nyx asked, his voice softer now. She didn’t look up to see his expression.

 “Him?” She didn’t need the clarification, not really.

 “The prince.”

 “I do not know,” Luna answered truthfully to her knees. It was a little easier like this, when all she could see was darkness. She thought of the wedding dress she would never wear. “I have not seen him since we were children. I am not sure what difference it would make now.”

 There was a small intake of air. Surprised, Nyx pressed on. “Then your engagement—”

 “A ruse to ensure he left the city. To ensure I entered the city.” Luna closed her eyes, remembering the little boy who read stories with her. Who had left her notes in her exchange diary, the one small thing she had allowed herself to have. “At one time though, I think there could have been love.”

 There was a long pause. She listened to the sound of him breathing. “And now?”

 “Now there is no time for love, just duty.” Just a single duty. She had seen the images many times by now: Leviathan, a bloody dagger, a ring. A chance to save the world, to change its destiny in exchange for her own. “I am the Oracle, I must finish what I set out to do.”

 “You know, it’s okay to do something for yourself. For once.” His voice was awkward, fumbling. His kindness more so. “If you want to see him…”

 Did she? It was a question she both wanted and didn’t want answered. She feared what the result would bring. “Nyx? Thank you.”

    vii.

 A black dog darted out of the woods and Nyx resisted the urge to skewer the mutt. “It’s you again.”

 “Who?” Luna broke into a smile at the sight of Umbra and kneeled down to pet him. “I take it he received the message?”

 Umbra barked, his tail wagging proudly, and Nyx tried not to snort. A messenger to the gods? More like a magical dog.

 Unwrapping the package on Umbra’s back revealed an envelope overly stuffed with pictures. The snapshots spilled out, revealing its contents, and Luna lit up as she started to flip through them. “So it was Prompto this time, I take it.”

 Umbra yipped, laying down on his paws as he watched her.

 Curious, Nyx picked one up. Two men were smiling at the camera, a woman in black standing just behind them. “They look like they’re on a road trip.”

 “I am sure they did not want to send me sad photos.” Luna glanced at the one in his hand. “Oh my.” She raised a brow. “I did not know Gentiana could be seen like that.”

 Gentiana. Nyx blinked. The other messenger to the gods. He’d seen Luna talk to her when she thought he wasn’t listening, her voice low and calm as she discussed their plans. Or rather, he’d seen Luna talk to the empty air, since apparently Gentiana was invisible to all. The only thing he noticed was the waves of sadness that saturated the air during each meeting.

 “Maybe I should get a camera.” She was invisible to all but the lens, it seemed. He stared at her placid expression, her neatly clasped hands. She looked just as unhappy as he’d expected.

    viii.

 I’ll keep you safe, Nyx had sworn.

 On a boat to Altissia, Luna stared into the waves, the Glaive’s words echoing in her head. Part of her wanted to believe him.

 A part of her knew better.

   viii.

 There was a part of him that had expected this. Well, not all of this—it would take a prophet to anticipate the destruction of a city, the massive body of the leviathan, the endless troopers. And it had. And that prophet was now sitting in a pool of her blood, leaning on her trident as she struggled to stand.

 It had taken him a second to warp to her side, his hands carefully cradling her to his chest. “I’ll find a doctor, it’ll be okay.” The words rushed out of him, an unfamiliar sense of panic rising within him. His fingers shook slightly as he held her. “You’ll be okay.”

 “It’s fine,” Luna coughed, her voice already faint. A bloody hand rose up to cup his cheek, a soft smile on her face. “I knew this would happen.”

 And so had he, no matter how much he had wanted to deny it. Her words had been laced with goodbye since the moment he’d met her. “A doctor,” he repeated, getting up. Maybe he could find an evacuation team. Or go to where all of the residents were taken to. His mind was a mess, thoughts tumbling out of him, and he froze indecisively.

 “Nyx.” Weakly, she pushed his jaw toward her to grab his attention once more. “Noctis must be saved. The ring must be delivered. It is too late for me, but the world still has a chance. You know this as well as I do.”

 And he did, and he did, but there was a difference between knowing and accepting. Red blossomed all over her white dress, her skin growing cooler with every second that passed.

 “Nyx,” she murmured.

 “I know,” he answered, leaning down till their foreheads touched. His hand reached for his dagger.

    x.

 It ended as it started, with fire and water. The ring slipped onto Noctis’s finger and Nyx closed his eyes as the coals simmering underneath his skin erupted into flames once more. The kings had come to claim their pound of flesh. His body started to flake apart, like ash, like dust, like petals in the wind.

 Nyx, a voice called out to him, a voice like a soothing balm on his frayed nerves.

 Luna, he thought, and he reached into the void.

[druid-for-hire]

SO, this is PART 2 of that AU i have going where Orpheus gets locked up in the deepest & most remote part of Hadestown! i’ve decided to flesh out some more about orpheus and eurydice’s experiences before eurydice locates and rescues him ;)

(part i) (part ii) (you are here) (part iii) (part iv) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)

OK

hadestown (the place not the musical) fucking sucks and because this place is even worse i don’t feel bad about kicking orpheus around

the pit has a real name now! thank you @fauxtoshop for suggesting The Great Beyond, and i’ll be abbreviating it to the Beyond. can’t believe i didn’t think of this but ur wonderful

and the AU itself has a name! thank u @signorbenedick for inspiring “unswayed au”

and thank you to @unholy-boi for providing me a clear vision of orpheus’ failure in what should have been epic iii

AIGHT? AIGHT. LETS GO

we put so much trust and faith in orpheus’ abilities that we forget what unbelievable stakes he was up against when he sang to the king of the underworld. there was no room for even a feather-light mistake in music’s unforgiving mathematical certainty.

and god how lucky he was to step exactly where he had to in the normal canon timeline

unholy-boi wrote me a beautiful passage of orpheus’ banishment:

For a moment, as Hades delivers the sentence, his voice shakes. If Orpheus were not so in-tune to voices and tones, he wouldn’t have noticed. He barely catches it, even then. The boy’s head sticks to the ground, and his heart feels like it might drop through the center of his chest. One off note, one faltered line, one stumble, is all it takes. A song that just barely fails, and a rumor that teases the God’s ears and taints the mortal’s reputation.

Despite Hades’ momentary tremble, he proceeds. He makes good on his hateful promise, the one soaked in rage, and the shackles materialize around Orpheus’ wrists. Hadestown is silent. All eyes are on the event. Hades can’t meet any of them, especially not Persephone’s. He keeps his stare on Orpheus. Orpheus, who has the audacity to lift his head up, and give a shaking “Wait”, as though to start one more song, before those shackles pull him through the ground. Hades turns his eyes away.

Hades turns, and he walks away, and he locks the doors behind him. And Hadestown falls back into its wretched rhythm.

they’ve given me permission to make a minor tweak for this au:

the chains don’t just materialize. orpheus’ voice fails, and hades’ eyes narrow, and the workers’ hearts break, and they step forward to shackle him wrist to wrist to be dragged into the depths of the earth.

they have to.

everyone give unholy-boi a hand! this is honestly a pretty beautiful passage

thank you to @strawberrieskies for helping me out w this bit:

orpheus’ imprisonment/banishment/whatever is a devastating blow to not only the people of hadestown but also persephone and hades’ relationship

persephone, enraged and heartbroken and This Close to completely walking out on her husband, does her absolute damndest to help the unfortunate lovers

even she doesn’t know where orpheus has gone. but: she catches shreds of his voice from the walls echoing his songs in the most distant parts of central hadestown

she catches these dying dregs, sends them on a spring wind to eurydice’s ears

eurydice is fueled by the two hopes of the surface world and orpheus’ song. persephone makes sure she does not forget to look for him. 

she hears him calling where orpheus failed to hear her

persephone’s meanwhile rampage—created and spurred on by orpheus’ imprisonment—has its own effect on hadestown. the speakeasy keeps its attendance, but she rages through the factories and causes upheavals with the foremen, and her determined absence from hades’ side gives him grief. hades takes this out on his workers.

how that manifests, i’m not entirely sure; i’m inclined to think he pushes the workers harder, which in turn enrages persephone even more, and it’s kind of a cycle

initially, when she’s asking around and searching through places where normally nobody goes, eurydice gets a lot of suspicion and weird looks, refusals for aid

but she still finds kind souls. ones who can’t give her directions or info but offer a place to stay because the way back to where she bunks is so far. an extra coin. spare food.

as eurydice keeps searching, word of her spreads

more folks are willing to take care of her

more doors open to her

more hands are willing to help

more ears are willing to listen

more eyes are willing to look

more heads are willing to question

and eurydice is sowing persephone’s seed for riot

there’s reason why Orpheus can’t sing his way out, and that reason is the forewoman/guard of the Beyond

the guard and forewoman is a vicious lady, whose loyal hounds always follow at her feet, armed with a pistol to scare em straight, brass knuckles on one hand and two decorative claws on the other.

she's oldest living thing in the underground. she’s older than even hades or persephone. she used to be a prison warden before she was the forewoman of the pit, but lbr the job description’s hardly changed

and she's deaf. the reactions of her dogs make up for detecting sounds, which certainly means she knows when orpheus is trying to run for it. and him trying to charm the dogs will definitely get her attention. 

and orpheus can sing nothing to sway her 

her name is kampê, who was, in the myths, the guard of the imprisoned Cyclopes and Hekatonkheires in Tartarus (deep abyss and prison for the wicked) in the beginning of the world, long before the gods were born

yeah all of u calling this place tartarus... u feel me

Orpheus definitely makes repeat attempts at escape, which definitely means she kicks his ass more than once

the Beyond has a clinic, actually, but it’s small and only enough to keep the workers going when they get injured. it treats the basic things and can only do so much

orpheus ends up there multiple times for relatively minor things and one time after a particularly nasty slash on his arm from kampê 

(that’s the injury eurydice spots)

and part of the reason the Beyond is so outdated is just... it’s so fucking far away for one, two, hardly anybody actually knows where it is and it’s practically on its own, cut off from the rest of hadestown aside from the occasional ferry of materials/supplies, and the “road” to and fro is hardly a road at all

the newest thing is a set of power lines that are dangerously decrepit, despite the workers’ best efforts of keeping them in top notch order

the workers do occasionally alternate jobs

orpheus has been on the power lines before and hooooly shit it is... dangerous and frightening

he had the lovely privilege of being traumatized when he saw someone get shocked and fall from the lines

it was a loud pop, a taser’s sizzle times thousandfold, an explosion of light and acrid flesh-smoke

and they fell

the other few workers just... turned their heads away, maybe one or two took them out to the clinic to see if they can do anything. otherwise the others on the lines just kept going like nothing happened. 

so orpheus too.

(if you want to keep your head)

oh and speaking of: the other workers, obviously there to overhear every time orpheus scampers off to sing for help, are there to bear witness as his voice slowly fails him. it’s a little soul-crushing and a reminder that this place sucks the life out of anything that dares to try to grow past the cracks of the concrete, to speak in metaphors

orpheus probably sings his own reprise of Flowers, having forgotten Eurydice as much as she once forgot him

with the nature of his heart and soul, it’s taking a long and longer time to break his spirit and his back, but he still erodes, and that’s enough. his eyes start to fade. he forgets his name. his melodies slip from his lips

(but sometimes, sometimes, a measure of a forgotten song will appear again, and if he follows it, his muscle memory knows how to pick it up from there)

there’s a point where he’s practically forgotten everything besides the love motif (the la la la la la la la) so that’s all he’s singing when he’s singing for help

and suddenly eurydice hears a wrong note, sung like a question

and suddenly he’s forgetting that too

tune in next time for part three! 

(part i) (part ii) (you are here) (part iii) (part iv) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)