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caranfindel · 2 years ago

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Fic: Meet you up there where the path runs straight and high

gen-ish but wincest-compliant | about 7000 words | pg for language | characters: sam winchester, dean winchester, bobby singer, jessica moore, jack kline | synopsis: this is sam, learning how heaven works

Also on AO3. Written for Now It's Perfect 2022 -go read the whole collection!

With beautiful art by Amberdreams

Title from Going to California by Led Zeppelin.

1: This is Heaven

They’re standing on a bridge and it’s real, everything is real, not little boxes of memories but his real brother, and it’s all a little too much for Sam to take in. He can’t keep looking at Dean. It’s like staring into the sun. He looks away, looks at trees and sky instead, and the Impala, Christ, even the Impala is here. But of course she is. It wouldn’t be Dean’s Heaven without her.

When he turns back, Dean is still smiling, practically radiating joy, but then his eyes narrow and his smile falters.

“What?” Sam asks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just… I thought you’d last longer than this.”

“Longer than what?”

“Come on, man. I’ve been here for, like, an afternoon. Did you even have time to torch my corpse?”

“What? An afternoon? Dean, you’ve been gone…” So long. Sam can’t even say it, can’t think of the years, the decades that have passed since he last saw his brother. He clears his throat. “A long time, man. You’ve been gone a long time.”

“Couldn’t have been that long,” Dean says. “Look at you. It hasn’t even been a year, has it?”

Sam looks down at his steady hands, free of wrinkles and age spots. “Oh.”

“Seriously. How much time did you have, after me? What took you out?” Dean suddenly looks stricken. “You didn’t… I mean, I knew you’d be messed up, but I didn’t think…”

It takes Sam a moment to catch on. “No! No. I mean, there were times I wanted to, but no. I kept going. I stopped hunting, and I just…” He laughs. “Jesus, Dean, I don’t know why I look young. I got old. I got married and I had a kid and I got old.”

Dean’s face is alight with joy again. “You’ve got a wife? And a kid?”

“Well, the wife, ah, that wasn’t, that didn’t last very long. But the kid. He’s amazing. Not a kid any more, though. All grown up, and smart, and funny, and kind…”

But it’s so wrong. Dean died and Sam lived, lived an entire life without his brother’s physical presence in it, and it’s wrong to take pleasure in his life, in the child that he never would have had if his brother hadn’t died. And Dean needs to understand. He needs to know how much he still mattered.

“I didn’t just run off and start enjoying life, you know. It took a long time. But I finally realized that it wasn’t fair to you, and to everyone we lost, to waste the life I had. I had to go out and start living it.”

Dean puts his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “Stop it, Sam. Stop apologizing for living. I hoped that’s what you would do. You think you should have spent the rest of your life moping around, mourning me? You think that’s what I wanted? That ain’t the life I would have picked out for you.” He grins. “Now get in the car and tell me about this kid of yours. Smart and funny? Takes after his dad and his Uncle Dean.”

They drive. It’s almost overwhelming after so many years. The old car, his old (young) body, the sight and sound of his brother in the driver’s seat… these should all be unfamiliar, but they’re immediately comfortable. This is where he should be.

As he drives, Dean explains that Jack fixed Heaven for everyone. It’s not tiny cells full of memories any more, and Sam finds that almost too much to think about right now. Sam tells Dean about DJ — Dean Jonathan, because his other grandfather’s name was John too, and how weird is that — and about his marriage.

“It started as, well, I guess you’d call it friends with benefits. When we found out she was pregnant we got married so she could be on my health insurance.”

“Because you were the one with a real job and health insurance?” Dean says, slightly incredulous.

“Yeah, I know. Who would have thought?” Sam laughs. “I thought we might actually make it, at first. We might be that rom-com couple who gets fake married and then falls in love. And then one day she said I know you love me as much as you can, and I was willing to accept that until I saw how much you loved our son, and I realized I deserve that too, and I’m afraid I’ll resent you if I don’t go after it.”

“Damn.”

Sam glances down at his ring finger, now bare. He’d kept wearing his ring after the divorce, partly because it helped keep women away and partly because it reminded him of his son, reminded him that he had someone he needed to stay alive for. It was a reminder he still needed, occasionally, in the years after Dean’s death. “No, no, she was right. I didn’t… I couldn’t… anyway. It wasn’t her, it was me. She was loveable. I just didn’t have it in me any more, I guess. She deserved better.”

“Deserved better,” Dean huffs skeptically. “She find it?”

“I think so. I hope so. She did get married again. He was a good guy, a good stepfather. He died a few years before I did.” And that’s weird, too, thinking about his own death in the past tense. It shouldn’t be so unfamiliar. After Cold Oak he’d often thought about his life in terms of before I died and after I died. Then it was before the cage and after the cage, until all of that was eclipsed by before Dean died and after Dean died.

Sam shakes his head. This is a train of thought he doesn’t need to follow. Dean is sitting next to him, smiling in the warm sunlight, and that’s what matters.

“A good guy?” Dean says. “Maybe we’ll go visit him someday.”

If that’s possible, it confirms that everything Sam thought he knew about Heaven, the individual Heavens Ash told them about, was wrong.

“You can really do that? Anyone can go to anyone’s Heaven? How does that even work?”

Dean grins. “I haven’t really figured it out yet. All I know is, everything’s different now. I’m gonna take you to Bobby Singer himself and let him explain it.”

2: This is how Heaven works, according to Bobby

"You think about someone you want to see," Bobby says, "and you just start moving. Walk, drive, swim, whatever. And before too long, you find 'em."

"Anyone?" says Dean. "You mean, I could think about Miss October and just start driving and end up at her house?"

"Hell if I know. I didn't go looking for anyone." Bobby turns to smile at Karen. "I found who I wanted to find and then I stopped." He found Karen, all right. Waiting for him in the clean and cozy version of their old house. There are no dusty books on demons and monsters, no sigils carved into the lintels or devil’s trap painted on the ceiling. It’s like a funhouse mirror version of Bobby’s place, familiar but not.

"Okay, but does it have to be a person?” Dean asks. “What about a place? Like, remember that diner in Tucumcari, Sam? With the pie?"

"Why are you just now learning how this works?" Sam asks. "It's been forty years. I can't believe you've been here forty years and you haven't seen Mom and Dad yet."

Dean rolls his eyes, exasperated. "I told you, I got here, I went for a drive, and then you showed up. It was like, a few hours, tops. Honestly, you were here so fast, I was afraid the goddamn vampires got you right after they got me."

Sam looks to Bobby, who shrugs. "Felt like longer to me, but time's weird up here."

~ ~ ~

They visit Mom and Dad, who are young, and then aren't. Even when their parents look like their older selves, they seem lighter somehow, like they're just setting out and haven't lived through years of separation and trauma.

When they get back in the Impala, Sam says "That was weird."

"But good," Dean says.

"Yes, good. But weird. They were more like when they first got married. You know, when we went back in time and tried to convince Mom not to have us. They were like that John and Mary."

"Holy crap," Dean laughs, "our lives are weird.”

“Our lives were weird,” Sam says. “We don't really have lives any more, do we? What do we call this? The afterlife?"

Dean shrugs. "Whatever we wanna call it, I guess. Anyway, I think it's time to find that diner in Tucumcari now."

"How can you even remember a specific diner?"

"Oh, you'd remember a diner if they had the best salad you'd ever had, or the best organic goat cheese, or whatever."

Maybe. Maybe not. Sam's got more memories to sift through than Dean does. An extra forty years' worth.

(An extra forty years on earth plus a millennia in Hell. They don't really talk about that part. Dean asks, once, do you still remember... everything? Sam says I do, but it doesn't bother me; it's almost like it happened to someone else, or I saw it in a movie. Dean nods and says yeah, me too. They don't talk about it again. But all of Sam's bad memories — not just lifetimes of torture in Hell, but topside too, everyone he loved dying and dying and dying — they're all still there. They just don't hurt any more.)

They explore. They find the diner in Tucumcari, and pie served by a strawberry blonde waitress in her fifties. Dean flirts with her relentlessly. It’s not until they’re finishing their pie that Sam realizes half the people in the diner are good looking men, and they’re all flirting with the waitress. Is she a memory or a prop in their Heaven? Or are they part of hers?

But Dean was right, the pie is amazing. Sam points that probably all the pie in Heaven is amazing. Dean takes this as a challenge and insists they search for more memorable pies. So far, the only complaint he has about Heaven is that this version of Karen Singer isn't a pie-baking machine like zombie Karen was.

They find more memorable pies, and burgers, and the coldest beer in the lower 48 states. They find lost friends too. Sometimes they go together. Sometimes they go separately. Sam's careful to only look for people who would likely want to see him again. He wonders if Lisa is here, and if Cas's memory wipe still works in Heaven. He doesn't ask, and Dean doesn't offer. And Dean doesn't ask who Sam's looking for when he wanders off on his own, but always seems a little relieved when he comes back. They don't talk about it.

3: This is how Heaven works, according to Dean

Okay, so once, Dean does talk about it.

They visit the Grand Canyon. It takes a few days to get there — whatever “days” are in Heaven — but Dean insists on driving for hours, even though it’s not necessary. “The journey is as important as the destination,” he says. And there’s always a good song on the radio, a shady spot to pull off the road when they need a nap, a cold beer in the cooler, and a taco truck parked at a scenic turnoff when they get hungry. So. It’s good.

The sun is just beginning to set when they finally reach the canyon. They sit on the hood of the Impala and quietly watch the sky fade from brilliant orange to deep purple. As always, the beer stays cold and there are fireflies but no mosquitos.

Dean is the one who eventually breaks the silence.

“You know, I did try to visit Miss October.”

Sam knows exactly who he’s talking about. They’d found the magazine in their crappy trailer when Dean was 13 or 14. Miss October had smooth tan skin, dark hair cascading in waves over her shoulders, and those soft brown eyes like Cassie and Lisa and oh, wait. Was Miss October a favorite because Dean already had a type? Or was Miss October the reason Dean had a type? That’s an interesting question, but Sam decides not to pursue it right now. He’s got plenty of time.

“Try?” he asks. “Meaning it didn’t work?”

“Kind of, but not really. I mean, I ended up in that trailer, you know, where we were living when I found that magazine. So I got into the memory, but I didn’t ever make it to her personally. It could be that I just didn’t remember her right, but I don’t think that’s it.”

“It does seem unlikely,” Sam laughs. “You spent a lot of time with her, as I recall.”

“Shut up.” Dean shifts uncomfortably. “What I’m thinking is, it shows you can’t just visit anybody. It has to be someone you know, and someone who’s willing to see you. Which is good, because it would mean not everybody could just pop in and see us. It’s like Jack’s new system keeps them away if we wouldn’t put out the welcome mat for them.”

That’s actually a relief. “I guess that explains why Grandpa Campbell hasn’t come to see us,” Sam says.

Dean laughs. “Oh, Jesus. That would be awkward. Or Roy and Walt. I can’t believe we forgave those assholes. Or shit, what about Nick?”

“Nick? You think that guy’s in Heaven?”

“With any luck, we’ll never know. Oh, hey, what about your first wife, Becky?”

“Dude. Becky was not nearly as bad as Samuel or Roy or Walt.”

“But do you want to see her?”

“Absolutely not.”

They’re quiet for a while. Sam tries not to make a list of the people who wouldn’t welcome him into their Heaven. Or the people he wouldn’t invite into his.

Again, Dean is the one who speaks. "You seen her yet?" he asks. He keeps his gaze focused on the stars above them and not on Sam.

"Her who?"

"You know who."

Yes, Sam knows. And yes, he's thought about it, thought about walking into Jessica's Heaven, thought about how she'd react. Would she gasp in horror? Would she look at him, cold and distant, say my version of Heaven doesn't include Sam Winchester, and turn away?

"I don't know if she'd want to see me."

"Of course she'd want to see you."

"Even though I killed her?"

Now Dean turns to look at him. "The fuck? You didn’t kill her."

"She died because of me. She was murdered because I loved her."

"But that doesn't mean —"

"It does, Dean. It means exactly that. She was 22 years old and she should have had her entire life ahead of her and she died because of me."

Dean turns back to the stars and finishes his beer before speaking again.

"You know, when Cas broke your wall, the one keeping Hell out of your head… you remember why he did that? Because he wanted to distract me. We were trying to stop him from opening Purgatory, and he wanted to keep me occupied. Do you blame me for that?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, it's the same thing."

"It's not."

"It is, man. Look. You and I are responsible for a lot of fucked-up things —"

Sam laughs. "If that isn't the most Winchester pep talk ever."

"Shut up. You know what I mean. Yes, some bad things happened because of shit we did. But Jessica's death is not one of them. That's on demons, and — and fucking Chuck. Not you." It's the first time either of them has said Chuck's name in Heaven. Dean says it like he's spitting something foul out of his mouth.

"But what if she doesn't think so? What if I go find her and she blames me anyway?"

Dean shrugs up at the stars. "If I’m right, you can’t find her if she doesn’t want to be found.”

“And if you’re wrong?”

“Then you would have a chance to tell her you're sorry."

4: This is how Heaven works, according to Jessica

Sam doesn't do it that day, or the next. But eventually he stands on the porch of the house he shares with Dean, watching a cloud of butterflies dance in the midday sun, and something deep inside says it's time. He holds her in his mind, blonde curls and blue eyes, brilliant smile and infectious laugh, smart and feisty and passionate, and he starts walking.

He might never make it to her. He might simply walk into a memory instead; Heaven’s way of letting him know he’s not on the VIP list.

The wooded path behind their little house usually goes up into the mountains, but now it starts to slope downhill after he's walked for a few minutes. After a few more minutes the trees thin out and Sam emerges onto a wide expanse of beach. He recognizes the lone structure on the shore almost immediately — it's the beach house Jess's parents used to rent every summer. He stayed with them there for a week once. It would be their last summer together, although neither of them knew it at the time. The actual house was one of a string of beachfront homes, but this version of it sits alone on hundreds of yards of sun-warmed sand. He can see a family playing in the surf just a few yards past the house. A man, a woman, and a slender teenage girl. When Sam steps out of the trees the girl looks up, sweeps her wet hair out of her eyes, and runs toward him.

She's so young. Twelve or thirteen, maybe, with shorter hair and more freckles. As she gets closer her hair grows longer, her face matures, and she gets taller. By the time she reaches him she is the same tall, golden girl he barely kissed goodbye in Palo Alto.

"Hey, Sam."

Sam's throat is too dry to speak. He stands there blinking at her until she finally says "come here, you." Then he closes the few steps between them and wraps her in his arms. She puts her arms around him, settles her cheek into his shoulder, and sighs.

They stand that way for a long time, but eventually Sam pulls back. Jessica clasps his hands as if she needs to stop him from leaving. “No,” he says. “I just want to get a look at you. You’re so beautiful.” She smiles at him, glowing in the late afternoon sunlight, and pulls him in for a kiss.

There’s a fallen log on the beach that’s just the right size (of course it is… at some point Sam will get used to everything in Heaven being just right) and they sit on it, still holding hands. A strand of hair drifts into Jessica’s face, and Sam reaches out to tuck it behind her ear. She smiles up at him the way she always did, like she’s been sealed in amber, unchanged for decades. But no, she was different when he first saw her playing in the water.

“You looked so young when I first got here,” he says. “Like a teenager.”

Jess shrugs and gazes out at her parents still splashing just off the shore. They look young, too. Too young to be the parents of a college student. Young enough to be the parents of a beautiful, free-spirited teenager who hasn’t yet left home to meet the man who will cause her death.

"I think in Heaven, you're the age you need to be. Or the age you want to be, I guess, depending on the circumstances. I mean, when I’m here with my parents, I'm almost always thirteen years old. That was a really good time for me and my family. But sometimes I'm younger. And then sometimes I visit friends, or places I knew in college, and I'm older. You're the same way, even if you don't feel it happening. Right now you look exactly like you did the last time I saw you." She reaches up to touch his face. "But when you first got here, you looked older. Maybe in your thirties? Is that how old you were when…?"

"When I died? No." But it's halfway true. Part of him died, and part of him had to carry on. Sam runs a hand through his hair, ruffling the bangs that cover his forehead the way they haven’t in decades. The scar on his palm (stone number one, make me your stone number one) is missing. "I actually… dammit, Jess. I lived a long time. I had a child. I got old. I had everything you should have had. I'd trade it all if I could. I'd give you that life instead of me, if there was a way. I'm so sorry."

She puts a gentle hand on his arm. "It's not your fault, Sam."

"Yes it is. You don't understand, you don't know what happened."

"I do, actually. Well. Some of it. Brady's been here."

Oh, fuck, Brady. Sam hasn’t really allowed himself to think about Brady the person. His fury at the demon who possessed Brady, who used his body to kill Jessica, completely blinded him to the trauma his friend endured. Was he alive when the demon he was housing set Jess alight? When Sam shoved the demon knife between his ribs? Did he feel it? Did he know?

"What did he tell you?"

"He didn't know everything, but you know he wasn't really himself at the end, right?"

"So he told you about…?"

"About demons.”

"Oh, God, Jess. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I never would have ever spoken the first word to you if I'd known I was putting you in harm's way. I went to Stanford because I wanted to leave all of that evil behind, and it followed me there and I led it right to you. None of this was supposed to happen to you."

"Don’t blame yourself, Sam. It’s not your fault."

But she has no idea just how much her death was Sam’s fault. And he owes her the truth.

(What if he had gone to a different school? Would she have gone to Stanford and lived out her life? Would her Heaven include a husband? Would children and grandchildren meet her there one day? And if Jessica had been spared, who would have taken her place in the story? Wouldn’t Chuck have placed some poor innocent girl in Sam’s path no matter which direction he took?)

“There’s a lot you still don’t know.”

"And I do want you to tell me someday,” Jess says. “I want to know your side, and I want to hear about the rest of your life. All of it. But right now I want to sit in the sand with you and watch the sunset." She slides off the log and settles between his knees, leaning against him as her toes dig into the warm sand. The sun sinks lower in the sky, as if on her command.

Out in the glistening surf, Jess’s parents are in their 20s. Her father lifts her mother with young, strong arms and tosses her into the water. She shrieks with laughter and reaches out to grab his leg, pulling him in with her.

Jess shivers and Sam drapes his jacket around her. If she were wearing rolled-up jeans and a t-shirt instead of board shorts and a bikini top, if there were a bonfire a few feet away, if Luis and his girlfriend (what was her name… Brittany? Bethany?) were sitting next to them, passing a bottle of too-sweet strawberry wine back and forth, he would be sure this was a memory. But they never did this, never came to the beach by themselves. It’s just one small item on the long list of things they never did.

Suddenly there’s a slice of light cutting through the dusk as a door opens at the beach house. "Jessica! It's getting dark! Time to come inside!"

Jess springs into action at her mother’s voice. She pulls Sam’s jacket off her shoulders and plants a soft kiss on his lips. “Come back soon?” she says. She already looks younger. Before he can respond, she turns and runs toward the house. Sam watches her turn back into a teenager right as she slips inside, and then she’s gone. He can see her mother’s silhouette in the window, and he considers knocking on their door to apologize for plunging them into the agonizing pain of a parent who has lost a child. But no. The last thing they need is another intrusion into their lives by Sam Winchester.

Sam heads back up the path. It’s almost fully dark now, but a cloud of fireflies lights his way. If he wants a flashlight, he knows he could reach into his pocket and find one. But it’s nice walking in the dark.

When he gets back home, Dean is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Sam can tell from the way his brother looks at him that he still appears to be the 22-year-old who just said goodbye to his girlfriend. He waits a second to settle into the face he usually wears, the last face Dean saw before he died.

“You good?” Dean says. He looks anxious.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

"Um. Staying for dinner?"

Sam frowns. "Of course I'm staying for dinner. Why wouldn't I?"

Dean quickly replaces the anxious look with a smile. "Yeah. No reason. Just asking."

5: This is how Heaven works, according to Jack

The problem with being able to go anywhere is that sometimes Sam goes for a walk, loses himself in thought, and ends up walking into a memory. Which is why he finds himself in front of a bus station in downtown Indianapolis. He stops in his tracks and is about to head somewhere else, anywhere else, when he sees a familiar face, with a grin and an awkward little wave he hasn’t seen in a lifetime.

“Jack! Is it really you?” Sam greets him with a hug and Jack squeezes him tight and it’s just like it was back before… before everything.

“You look good, Jack.” And he does, but he also looks like something more than Jack.

“So do you, Sam. It’s good to see you,” Jack says solemnly. “And I’m sorry. I should have come to visit you sooner. I just wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”

“Why?”

“I heard you. After Dean died.”

Oh. That. Yes, there had been begging, pleading, and then angry cursing.

“You understand why I couldn’t bring him back, don’t you?” Jack says.

It had taken a while. Sam had been lost in grief and despair for a long time, furious that Jack would abandon him when he needed him most. But eventually he understood. Bringing Dean back would have made Jack just another version of Chuck, directing their lives.

“Yes, I do,” he says. “I get it. But Jack, if you heard me then, you also must have heard me other times. There were good times too. And I never stopped talking to you. Praying to you.”

Jack smiles. “I know. And I was glad to hear it. It’s just that the most emotional prayers are the loudest.”

They sit together on a worn wooden bench. Sam has questions, so many questions, but he doesn’t know where to start. Finally he says “How is Cas? Dean said you pulled him out of the Empty.”

“I did. He's well. Right now he's helping me remodel Purgatory.”

“Really? How do you have control over Purgatory?”

Jack shrugs. “There was a power vacuum, and Rowena and I decided to share it.”

“Rowena! How is she?”

“She seems good. She had a message for you, actually.” Jack closes his eyes for a second and then says, in a perfect imitation of Rowena’s brogue, “And what’s the purpose of this tattoo on wee Dean’s arm? I’m disappointed, Samuel. Did you truly believe I’d let any of my demons harm a single hair on your boy’s precious little head?”

Sam throws his head back and laughs, and Jack dissolves into giggles. Right here, right now, it’s so much like Sam and his kid. Not a nephilim, not a god, just a kid that Sam loved. Loves.

“Tell her it’s just a family tradition, and she shouldn’t take it personally. And tell her… tell her I hope she’s happy.”

“I will. I think she misses you. She used to keep an eye on you, you know. Before you came here.” Sam considers being under the watchful eye of the Queen of Hell and has to admit he doesn’t hate it. And the thought of her watching his son as well is oddly comforting.

“So, you two are remodeling Purgatory? What does that mean?”

“We’re adding civilization. Settlements. Little towns, actually. Residents who don’t want to run wild don’t have to. They can just exist peacefully, with families and homes. And since they don’t need to eat, there’s no need to kill. Of course, some residents still want that wild life, and they stay out in the wilderness. But they have a choice now. Most of the ones who pick towns are the ones who were born human.”

“Like Garth?”

“Yes; your friend Garth and his family will be able to spend the afterlife living as they do now. Peacefully, among family and friends.”

“That’s… that’s amazing, Jack.” Not just Garth, but Benny and Madison and Amy and every creature turned against their will, or born into a life that forced them to hunt humans.

Jack smiles. “I’m glad you like it. Castiel thought you would. He said you were always conscious of the fact that not all monsters are monstrous.” He turns to view the bus station as if noticing it for the first time. “Why are you here, Sam? What is this place to you?"

That’s a question with a complicated answer. It’s the beginning of one life and the end of another. Or at least it seemed to be at the time.

“It’s a bus station. The one I hitchhiked to, the night I told Dad and Dean I was going to Stanford. This is where I was when I realized no one was coming after me. No one was going to drag me back into the life.”

Sam had sat there for hours, nursing a cup of coffee, toe-tapping with anxious energy but also exhausted and terrified he would fall asleep and miss his bus. Listening for a familiar rumble, the Impala or his dad’s voice. He was truly relieved they didn’t chase after him. He knew they could find him, could track him as easily as they’d track a monster; catch up with the bus and drag him back down. He was relieved it didn’t happen. But a small part of him kept playing little scenes where Dean said we can’t let him leave, Dad, we’ve gotta go after him, or Dad said come on, son, let’s go find your brother, we’re not gonna leave him alone out there. And he hated how much he wanted that. Even though he would have resisted them, would have done anything he could to escape their grasp, part of him still wanted them to try. Wanted them to fight for him. And they hadn’t.

“I don’t regret leaving,” Sam says. “I don’t regret what I did. But all I ever wanted was a choice. And sometimes I wonder what I would have done if they’d given me one. If Dad hadn’t tried so hard to keep me chained up, I wonder if I would have tried so hard to break free.”

Jack is still watching him. Thoughtfully, silently..

“Would you like to find out?”

“Little late for that,” Sam laughs.

“Not really. I can give you that chance. Or something like it, to be exact. This is something I don’t offer everyone, but I can give you the opportunity to relive your life. You can live a life where your mother doesn’t die, or where your father doesn’t force you to hunt. You can go to Stanford, become a lawyer, get married, live the life you would have lived.”

“What, you’d bring me back to life? Put me back on Earth? Send me back in time?”

“No, no. It wouldn’t be real. But it would feel real while you were living it. And then, when it was over, it would just feel like a beautiful dream. You’d be back where you are now, in Heaven, with Dean. And Dean wouldn’t even notice you were gone. I’d make the whole experience feel no longer than an afternoon for him. Like I did when he first got here, when he was waiting for you.”

“So you didn’t give him this option?”

“I did. He wasn’t interested. I did offer it to your parents, though, and they accepted. That’s the life they’re experiencing right now. They’re raising their two young boys.”

“But Dean and I visit them.”

“Yes, and when you’re there, the dream life feels just like that — a dream. When you and Dean leave, their adult children are the dream and their young children are their real lives.”

Well, that explains the odd feeling that John and Mary are like their younger selves. They’re actually living that life. And Sam is happy for them, that they get to have that experience after all, but it’s nothing he’s interested in.

“I don’t think I want to do that,” he says. “I appreciate the offer, but, you know. I’m done. I’m happy not knowing what might have happened. But Jessica. My old girlfriend. She was a victim as much as I was. Even more than I was, really. If you could give her that choice, if you could let her live out the life she was supposed to live, if she wants to — that would be amazing, Jack.”

Jack nods solemnly. “I will. And now I need to be going. I’ll see you soon, Sam.” Before Sam can hug him goodbye, he fades into a patch of warm, shimmering light.

“Thank you, Jack.” Sam is speaking to empty air, but he’s pretty sure Jack will hear.

6: This is how Heaven works, according to Sam

When Sam reaches the house, there are two new Adirondack chairs on the porch. Dean is already sitting in one, and Sam settles into the other one. Dean reaches between them and pulls a beer out of a bucket of ice, nudging it at Sam.

As he reaches for the beer, Sam runs his hand over the smooth, sanded wood of the chair. It’s beautifully constructed, and just the right size, with the back firmly supporting his entire torso and the seat long enough for his legs. As if it were custom-made for him.

“You did this?” he asks.

Dean pats the arm of his own chair proudly. “You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.”

Which probably isn’t true in Heaven, but Sam’s not going to argue with him. “They’re really nice. Looks like you put a lot of time into it.”

“Well, you were gone for a while. I needed something to do.”

“Shit, Dean. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just lost track of time…”

“It’s cool,” Dean says. “I know you’re not gonna be happy hanging out here with me all the damn time. I know there’s other things out there for you…” He trails off unhappily.

Dean got the same offer Sam did. Why didn’t he bring it up?

“So. I saw Jack.”

“Yeah?” Dean’s reaction is almost imperceptible. A quick downward glance, a disappointed twist to his mouth. “I wondered what was taking him so long. I guess he made you the offer. When are you leaving?”

“Leaving?”

“You know. Life 2.0. The do-over” He drains his beer and gives Sam a bitter fake smile. “I figured this was coming.”

“Dean. I’m not doing it. I said no.”

Dean’s stares at him in confusion. “You mean all this time I’ve been waiting for you to go all Sliding Doors, and you just… said no? Why?”

Sam shrugs. “Same reason you didn’t, I imagine. I just didn’t need it. I mean, sure, I’m curious. I wonder how everything would have gone if it hadn’t been for, you know. Everything. But I don’t need to actually find out. I lived my life. It was a good life. And now it’s done, and I’m ready for what we have now.”

“This. You’re ready for this, forever.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but I had the life I expected. Go out on a hunt. Die young, stay pretty. But you? You always wanted something more. Something different.”

“Not always.” Sam remembers their years in the bunker after Jack, after everything, and the unfamiliar sweetness of simply being satisfied with his life. “And I ended up getting a lot of that anyway. I’m happy, man.”

“With this.” Dean gestures at their porch, their Adirondack chairs, the pines and blooming dogwood trees, the Canada geese gliding low to land in the pond behind their house. “You’re happy with this.”

“Yeah. With us. I mean, I’m not gonna sit on this porch for eternity. I’m going to go explore. I want to spend some time with Jess, see some old friends. And I want to explore more with you too,” he adds quickly.

But Dean’s not sad or angry, not glaring at him, not looking away to try to hide his wounds. He’s just running his hand over the wood of his chair. “Dude,” he laughs. “It’s fine. I know you’re gonna go off on your own sometimes. You got people to see. And at some point your kid’s gonna be here and I know you’ll want to go spend time together. It’s fine. Really.”

It is.

”This is home,” Sam says. “You know I’m always going to come back, don’t you? You know that no matter where I go, no matter how long I’m gone, I’ll always be back. You get that now, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Dean smiles. It’s warm and open and not hiding anything at all. “Yeah, Sam, I get it.”

This is how Heaven works.

#my fic #spn #now it's perfect 2022

11 notes · View notes

lucky-katebishop · 3 years ago

Text

What I Read in August 2021

I... my first draft got deleted and that took forever to make so please like this for my sanity. I bookmarked 26 fics and read 1 book this month, so not as much as my previous two months but still! The majority is Harry Potter, but there's a spare Sherlock one and Friends one in there. A lot of these fics have other people raising Harry because that's just what I've been in the mood for lately.

Friends

For someone to ripple the waters by teatrolley

Plot: He’s fine, though, he tells himself. He’s dealing with it. He’s dating girls, and using the excuse that he’s bad at it when Joey asks him why he never brings anyone home anymore. He’s fine. That is, until Joey kisses him at New Year’s, and everything changes. Or: Chandler is in love with Joey and it's not the sort of thing you say out loud. Until, one day, it is

Characters: Chandler, Joey, Monica

Relationships: Chandler/Joey

Warnings: none

Tags: canon compliant, friends to lovers, POV Chandler, Chandler is gay, coming out

My Notes: I watched a lot of Friends over August and just!!! Chandler and Joey were the Troy and Abed of the 90s, I said what I said. This fic is so beautiful, the prose is amazing and it’s so heartfelt and it did make me tear up a little bit. I don’t typically read fics for sitcoms but I highly 100% recommend this one!

*complete*

Sherlock (stand-alone)

Feel the Tide by positivelymeteoric

Plot: Things John Watson doesn't expect to do when he transfers to a new school: A) Befriend his (possibly) mad roommate. B) Investigate a particularly nasty streak of murders with his (most likely) mad roommate. C) Fall slightly (or not so slightly) in love with his (definitely) mad roommate. D) All of the above.

Characters: Sherlock, John, Harry Watson, Mycroft, Lestrade, Moriarty

Relationships: Sherlock/John

Warnings: none

Tags: teen!lock, high school

*complete*

Harry Potter & Sherlock

My Experiment by lemoncurry

Plot: Sherlock steals a boy. Sorry- rescues. John helps, because what choice does he have? But not even Sherlock knows just how not-boring things will be...

Characters: Sherlock, John, Harry Potter, Mycroft

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: pre-Hogwarts

*incomplete* [last updated 2013]

Logic, Meet Luna by Applepie

Plot: Luna Lovegood has moved into 221c Baker Street! So what happens when you mix a 'loony' pureblood witch in a muggle area with logic driven residents? Err... not much, really. Just a whole lot of confusion.

Characters: Luna, Sherlock, Mycroft, John, Lestrade, Sally Donovan

Relationships: none

Warnings: none

Tags: humor

*complete*

Recalibration by Noxilicious

Plot: Mycroft more or less finds himself constantly cleaning up his dear brother’s messes, but in the case of one Harold William Holmes-Evans, he might just prove to be the one ‘mistake’ he won’t be able to rectify.

Characters:

Relationships: Sherlock/Lily Potter; Mary/John; Sherlock & Harry

Warnings: none

Tags: parentlock, canon compliant, pre-prisoner of Azkaban, post series 3, family drama, angst, hurt/comfort, muggle Sherlock, Sherlock is a Good Parent, Sherlock has a Heart, protective Sherlock, genius Harry, bogus deductions, fluff

*incomplete* [last updated 2017]

In Search of Companionship by kris799

Plot: After the events of the Sign of Three, Sherlock falls into a bout of melancholy; Mycroft, the consummate manipulator, suggests "filling the gap" and events largely get out of hand from there. A Sherlock adopts Harry!fic, set between Episodes Two and Three of Season Three.

Characters: Sherlock, Harry, Mrs Hudson, Mycroft, John, Mary

Relationships: Sherlock & Harry

Warnings: none

Tags: Parent!Sherlock, Child!Harry, adoption, John is out of the picture but not really, manipulative!Mycroft, magic, slow paced, perhaps glacial, Sherlock has many thoughts, and a mental!John to call him out on his crap, he’s not crazy, Harry cooks, and tries to take care of everyone, bored!Sherlock leads to bad [great] ideas, set in season 3

My Notes: don’t get your hopes up for Sherlock to find out about magic, it doesn’t happen and since the last time this was updated was almost seven years ago, I don’t think we’ll get to read it. However, it’s still very good and while it does give off some weird Sherlock stalkery vibes, this fic still kept me engaged and Sherlock and Harry’s relationship is great.

*incomplete* [last updated 2015]

Harry Potter of Baker Street by Dayja

Plot: Sherlock Holmes discovers family he never knew he had, and John Watson finds a child living in the cupboard.

Characters: Harry, Sherlock, John

Relationships: none

Warnings: none

Tags: family, friendship

My Notes: this one!!! Is so amazing!!! It’s so cute! I don’t really like to read kid fics all that much, but this one is worth the read!

*complete*

No Thank You by IHScribe

Plot: Harry Potter declines to attend Hogwarts, and Albus Dumbledore is forced to go and convince him otherwise. Too bad he didn’t expect the boy’s father(s).

Characters: Sherlock, John, Harry, Dumbledore, Mrs Hudson, Mycroft, Moriarty, McGonagall, Pomfrey, Hagrid, Snape

Relationships: Sherlock/John

Warnings: none

Tags: none

My Notes: this one is very funny and very sweet. Honestly fuck Hogwarts.

*complete*

Friend by esama

Plot: Sherlock finds the skull when he's five.

Characters: Sherlock, Harry, Mycroft, Mrs Holmes

Relationships: Sherlock & Harry

Warnings: character death

Tags: kid fic, alternate universe

My Notes: This one is so cool and original! I never thought about where Sherlock’s skull came from!

*complete*

Harry Potter & Supernatural

The Youngest Winchester by TheLastWincehsterStanding

Plot: Harry James Potter had thought, given the current circumstances, that going to America to track down his biological father was a fantastic idea. Unfortunately, like most of Harry's plans, there had been very little planning and far too much impulsiveness. Had he known what sort of monsters lurked in America, he would've stayed in England.

Characters: Harry, Bobby Singer, Dean Winchester, John Winchester, Sam Winchester

Relationships: Harry & Dean & Sam Winchester; Harry & John Winchester; Harry & Bobby Singer

Warnings: none

Tags: non-Potter Harry, the hunt for Yellow Eyes, season 1 of Supernatural, book 5, surprise! It’s a sixteen year old boy!

My Notes: I don’t really remember this one, I’ve read like four of these types of Harry being a Winchester story and I generally forget what happens in this one

*incomplete* [last updated 2018]

Harry Potter (stand-alone, specifically Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood)

That escalated quickly by SquaresAreNotCircles

Plot: Percy and Oliver get stuck in a Ministry lift (with seven other people present).

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Fred, George, Ginny, Bill, Ron, Charlie, Arthur, original male character

Relationships: Percy/Oliver

Warnings: none

Tags: humor, fluff

*complete*

Petty Theft by pinksnowboots

Plot: Percy pilfers Oliver's sweater. The twins are suspicious.

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Fred, George

Relationships: Percy/Oliver

Warnings: none

Tags: slice of life, drabble, sweaters, accidental coming out, established relationship, sharing clothes, quidditch, Oliver is protective

*complete*

Five Times Percy Thought Oliver was Beautiful and One Time Oliver Did Something About It by hufflebadgerinthetardis

Plot: The rule worshiping, strict, and by-the-books Gryffindor Prefect Percy Weasley has a secret. He’s got a huge crush on fellow Gryffindor and Quidditch Captain Oliver Wood. Percy was resigned to loving him from afar but he should have remembered that secrets don’t stay secrets for long at Hogwarts.

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Fred, George

Relationships: Percy/Oliver

Warnings: none

Tags: none

*complete*

Burn Across the Sky by MoonytheMarauder1 (beforethemoon)

Plot: When Oliver Wood stops talking about Quidditch to stare at Percy Weasley, Ron, Fred, and George know something is up.

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Ron, Harry, Hermione, Fred, George, Angelina, Alicia, Katie

Relationships: Percy/Oliver

Warnings: none

Tags: secret relationship, bad matchmaking, humor, protective siblings, quidditch, gay Percy, gay Oliver, injury, the hospital wing, exasperated Hermione, Harry is oblivious

My Notes: this isn’t the full plot, but it was very long and I only have so much time. Read this, it’s very cute

*complete*

I dare you to dare me by SquaresAreNotCircles

Plot: Fred didn’t even blink. “Harry said he didn’t want to join.” “So did I,” Oliver murmured. George didn’t allow him to stall any longer. He put his feet up between Fred and Angelina on the sofa and tilted his chair on its hind two legs. “Oliver, mate, truth or dare?”

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Fred, George, Angelina, Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell

Relationships: Percy/Oliver

Warnings: none

Tags: truth or dare, Gryffindor Quidditch Team, the consumption of innocent earthworms, fluff

*complete*

It’s the truth by SquaresAreNotCircles

Plot: Fred and George refuse to believe Percy has a girlfriend. Oliver seems to know more. It's all very mysterious, until it isn't.

Characters: Percy, Oliver, Fred, George, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Ron

Relationships: Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood

Warnings: none

Tags: fluff

My Notes: Percy and Oliver really are just teenage Sherlock and John, aren’t they? Just saner and have less crimes involved.

*complete*

Harry Potter (stand-alone)

Harry Potter and His Increasingly Worrying Letters Home by hopeless_hope

Plot: Dear Mum & Dad, Sorry my letters have been brief lately. I hope you’re all well! Just wanted to let you know that my friends and I stumbled upon a three-headed dog on the forbidden corridor that the stairs rather determinedly took us to. Is that normal? Love, Harry… or In which Lily and James survive Voldemort's attack, Sirius is never sent to Azkaban, and long-distance parenting is hard. Especially when your reckless Gryffindor child keeps sending concerning letters home and rushing into trouble before anyone has the chance to respond.

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Draco, Snape, Dumbledore

Relationships: James/Lily; Sirius/Remus; Harry & Lily; Harry & James; Harry & Sirius; Harry & Hermione & Ron

Warnings: none

Tags: everyone lives/nobody dies, Lily and James live, angst and humor, the Golden Trio, most things are the same except now harry has adults who care about him, the marauders are a lil happy family, not peter tho bc fuck that guy, fix-it, friendship, harry grows up with a loving family but he’s still a reckless little shit

My Notes: this is another fic I’m very excited about. Reading new fics is something I don’t do often, I usually sort my fics by kudos and go backwards from there which usually means I miss out on amazing stuff like this! I do have to wait, which is a pain, but I’m still very excited about this fic, I see a lot of potential in it.

*incomplete* [last updated 1 August]

turn and face the strange by viennawaitss

Plot: ‘He sees himself as a creature of evolution, or perhaps a phantom of peculiarities - a great, winding python, yearning for the snap of his jaw, a snowy lamb, unchristened and stumbling across land on trembling legs.’ Reality, growth and the steps toward change. Or, how Harry’s brief expulsion isn’t the worst thing to happen to him.

Characters: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Blaise, Pansy, Sirius, Theo Nott, Draco

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse

Tags: resorting, trauma, nightmares, the Golden Trio, book 5, Slytherin Harry, friendship, mental health issues, growing up, coming of age, and already fighting the government

My Notes: I am so freaking excited for this fic! It has everything I want! Resorted Slytherin Harry, dealing with abuse and trauma, amazing Slytherin friendships, I mean come on!

*incomplete* [last updated 19 August]

Know this: in some way, you’re already dead by ulittuq

Plot: Harry has been fighting against being an obscurial his entire life and Sirius’ death is what pushes him over the edge.

Characters: Harry, Dumbledore, Tom Riddle

Relationships: none

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, canonical character death, some noncanonical character death, suicidal thoughts

Tags: obscurial Harry, ambiguous/open ending

My Notes: part of a series but both fics are very short. It's only about 2k words.

*complete*

The Chosen One and The Halfblood Prince by waitingondaisies

Plot: Severus Snape was discovered as a spy mere days before the start of the school year. Thankfully, Albus had been working on a vague contingency plan for this possibility. It had been inspired by the question, “What would it take for Severus Snape to see that he was wrong about Harry Potter?” The answer? Force Severus to go undercover as Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, a sixth year Gryffindor.

Characters: Harry, Ginny, Snape, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Neville, Luna

Relationships: Harry & Ginny; Harry & Snape; Hermione/Ron

Warnings: child abuse

Tags: angst, undercover, Harry needs a hug, slow burn friendship, Ginny is a good friend, not canon compliant - HBP, no Snape as defensive teacher, no Slughorn

My Notes: this one is so fun! Snape tries to act as a sixteen year old and it goes as well as you’d think. It’s really funny but also really heartfelt, it’s part of a series of two and the second one is more Severitus than the first.

*complete*

By His Side by silver_fish

Plot: After what is surely a more-than-preventable potions accident, Harry Potter winds up stuck in the hospital wing, unable to wake up. Severus just wishes he knew why Poppy won’t stop bothering him about it.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Pomfrey, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: references to addiction

Tags: severitus I guess? Just some good bonding, set during HBP, harry is sad and so am i, emotional hurt/comfort

*complete*

Unmasked Lilly’s - Year One by TheWillofTheQuill

Plot: Severus Snape was adamant, no - determined to hate Harry Potter. After all, he was the spawn of James Potter, his childhood bully. But when Harry turns up for his first year, malnourished and fearful, it is up to Snape to solve the mystery of why the small boy has bruises that he will not show and scars that will not heal. Sworn to protect Lilly's son, Severus Snape is about to face his hardest challenge yet; gaining the trust of a boy who has sworn to never trust again.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Draco, Hermione

Relationships: future Drarry

Warnings: child abuse

Tags: Severitus, hurt/comfort, angst, abused Harry, Snape adopts Harry, Slytherin Harry, good Slytherins

*incomplete* [last updated July 2021]

A Pair of Shoes that Fit by Darkorangecat (Calacious)

Plot: Harry is lost in the Forbidden Forest when he goes looking for Neville’s Remembrall after Draco steals it from the boy once again. As Harry wanders the forest, wondering if he’ll ever make it back to Hogwarts, the entire staff is sent out to look for him, including a much peeved Severus Snape.

Characters: Harry, Snape

Relationships: none

Warnings: child abuse and neglect

Tags: Snape eventually adopts Harry, first year, hurt/comfort, angst

My Notes: this one is so cute and so sad, Harry’s only eleven in this fic and Snape is trying his best

*complete*

The Guiltless by branwyn

Plot: When Harry appears at the Welcoming Feast wearing a glamor only Snape notices, Snape decides to find out what the glamor is hiding.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Luna, Dumbledore

Relationships: Harry & Snape & Luna

Warnings: domestic violence, child abuse

Tags: Severitus, Snape mentors Harry, hurt/comfort

*complete*

Within Doors by Lomonaaeren

Plot: It takes three detentions for Severus Snape to realize why Harry Potter cleans cauldrons so well—and even more for him to decide what to do about it.

Characters: Harry, Snape

Relationships: Harry & Snape

Warnings: canonical child abuse

Tags: angst, detention, present tense

*complete*

Summer of Bonding by MagicaDraconia16

Plot: It was the summer of love . . . er, no, not really. Left waiting for the Dursleys, Harry is found by the last person he'd expect to see.

Characters: Harry, Snape, Dumbledore, Flitwick, Hermione, Ron, Molly, Fred, George, original house-elf characters, original male character, Stan Shunpike, Dobby

Relationships: Harry & Severus

Warnings: canon-typical violence, child abandonment, minor violence

Tags: humor, angst, nightmares of canon-typical violence, spiders, awkwardness, someone else (not Snape or Harry) dies too

My Notes: this one is so sweet and really captures how awkward Harry and Snape are

*complete*

Harry Potter & Everything

Raising Harry Collection by Steerpike13713

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Daredevil, Sherlock, Labyrinth, Batman, Gravity Falls, MCU, Once Upon a Time, Doctor Strange (comics), Buffy, Merlin

Plot: A collection of unrelated fics that have to do with people other than The Dursleys raising Harry Potter

Characters: too many to name, really

Relationships: Matt Murdock/Foggy & Belle/Rumplestiltskin

Warnings: none

Tags: genderqueer Loki, genderqueer Lily Evans, Loki is Lily Evans Potter

My Notes: since the fics are unrelated you can flip flop around the chapters to find the ones you really want to read. I think my favorite ones are the Batman and Daredevil ones :) (also the author wrote a really good Lucifer & Chaos Adventures of Sabrina series)

*complete*

#harry potter #fanfiction #fic recs #fanfic recs #supernatural #sherlock #johnlock #hogwarts #the mauraders #wolfstar #drarry #the golden trio #my posts #mcu #marvel #harry james potter #my recs

15 notes · View notes

cowboyified · 3 years ago

Text

Below are some WIPs I’m releasing into the wild. They were all written at different times over the past two years so any mistakes/cliches you can blame on past June, I don’t know them.

Go, be free.

This first one I think is the one I’m most fond of. I had such a vision for it; bottlecaps in trees, river swimming, making out against the fridge, all that good stuff you get with weecest.

The summer Sam is seventeen they stay in one place for long enough Dean starts referring to it as ‘home’.

It’s an old farmhouse, miles from any other structure, bar an outhouse and hay shed. There’s a porch running the length of the front and back, the wooden boards pulled up from their nails, wavy with the weather. Weatherboard paint peeling, wallpaper inside torn and missing in most places.

They’re squatting, technically. The property owned by a family saved by hunters once, friends of friends of Bobby’s, too distraught by what they’d witnessed to raise their kids on cursed land. Dean had told Sam that Dad had been told by Bobby that had been told by Pastor Jim that it was chupacabras. A whole pack of ‘em, feeding off the lambs in the back paddock, tried to take a bite out of the baby girl and Sam had said, “As if man, those things are tiny, I’ve seen pictures, you could kick one and it would limp away like a fucking chihuaha, you scared of chihuahas, huh, Dean?” But Sam still hikes his sheet up under his chin when he hears scuffling under their window between sleep.

There’s remnants of the house’s past inhabitants still scattered around the place. Sam had stood and slid two inches on the wheels of a tiny replica car that had been jammed under the couch the second day they arrived, piffed it at his brother’s head, who’d caught it, exclaimed that it was Camero, dude, treat her with some respect and had sat it on top of the fridge.

The bookshelf in the corner of their shared bedroom holds mostly dust and tattered occult books stolen from libraries from all over the country, left by hunters who have found what they’ve needed and moved on. There are a few of the worst Stephen King novels shoved haphazardly on the top shelf and Sam finds something funny in that, the irony in enjoying bad horror when the real deal lurks behind the screen door.

Dean gives him a look when Sam pulls down and cracks open a copy of The Tommyknockers, snorts, “Haven’t you read that one already?” and Sam says, tucking himself into bed, “Yeah, it fucking sucks, King was royally off his head while writing it, that’s why it’s so good.” Sam finishes three quarters of it in one sitting while listening to Dean’s quiet snores from the other side of the room.

It’s a ten minute drive to the closest town, an off the highway, invisible to the outside world, kind of one-street community. No reason to take the exit if you don’t already know it’s there, one store, one gas station, one bar in an old brick post office building, unfitting, the carpet pulled up at the corners but home to the best fries Sam has ever had in his life.

Sam follows Dean out to the courtyard, neither of them are legally old enough to drink but there’s nothing else to do but to get respectably drunk in a place like this, anyone that has lived long enough in the true country is some kind of functioning alcoholic, so Dean orders a beer and isn’t asked for ID. In a town small enough for everyone to know every intricate detail in the threads of dirty laundry, they are foreigners. No one knows where they’re from or where they’re going and Sam knows that Dean likes it that way.

It’s never been a secret that Sam prefers to feel like he has a part in everyday normalcy. Dean thrives under anonymity, gets a kick out of it because it makes him feel dangerous. He had stopped accompanying Sam to school two states ago, a silent agreement with their father when Dean had come home early and helped John cut splits into the tips of bullets instead. Like hell I’m signing up for compulsory extra curricular activities. What’s the point in making friends with people whose biggest concerns are the answers to whatever bullshit test and who fucked who last Friday?

Finding comfort in a nine-to-five kind of community is a flaw Sam’s been burdened to deal with.

It’s early afternoon, the courtyard is empty and the table they chose rocks on its legs every time Dean slides his drink over for Sam to share. It’s bitter and Sam hasn’t had enough beer in his life to know if it’s supposed to be like that or if it has just soured from the long journey it took to get from the brewery to their glass. He drinks it and doesn’t grimace because his brother is looking at him through the rays of warm country sun.

“Tastes like piss, huh,” Dean says, leaning forward out of the light so Sam can see him clearly again. He takes back the glass.

“S’not that bad,” Sam replies, rubbing the leftover condensation into his hand, doesn’t look at Dean, finds it hard these days, twists in his gut all wrong. Sam knows why.

His brother hums, “There’s gotta be something else to do around here.”

Sam thinks, Dad’s left the car, we can go wherever we want, but doesn’t say it because his brother is loyal to a disastrous fault.

That’s a recurring thought. Sam in the shotgun seat, his brother behind the wheel, driving away. Just away, to someplace else and they’d be okay because they’d have each other and all Sam ever needs is his brother, like water. But John will be back in two weeks, term starts again in a month and he needs his father to sign the enrollment forms. Two more years.

“You see the old dredge outside of town?” Sam asks, remembers passing it when they arrived, all twisted, rusting metal, the bones of it against the setting sun.

“What did I tell you about respecting your elders?”

“You told me that they all smell like porridge and are easily susceptible to sleight of hand. No, Dean, Dredge,” Sam stresses. “Big rusty old machine that pulls minerals out of water.”

“Looking to strike big, Sammy?”

“Yeah, you see, my family is poor, brother at home too dumb to get a job. Our father went to get milk and never came back,” Sam sniffs for effect. “I can’t go home empty handed again, sir.”

“Ah, a real sob story,” Dean nods in understanding, tips his head back and finishes the beer. “Let’s get out there then, sonny. We shan't let that simpleton, downright fool of a brother go hungry.” Dean jabs Sam in the ribs when he stands, hard enough for him to gasp, gets Sam’s head under his arm before he can recover. Sam claws embarrassingly at his brother’s torso, face pressed warm into the side of Dean’s waist.

“I will pray for us young Samuel, for I too, dream of riches,” his brother is exclaiming, tripping them out and onto the street. “I only ask that we share whatever bounty dredged as I saw the most exquisite pony a few miles back and I simply must have it.”

And Sam thinks - with his flushed cheek hard against Dean’s skin through the thin sweaty fabric of his shirt, heart beating too fast against his ribs in a way that has nothing to do with exhaustion - you can have it all.

---

Sam’s brother’s perpetual state of being is ten miles over the speed limit; this can be applied to almost every aspect of him. Dean goes and goes and rarely stops. They’re pushing double that out of town, north of their property, into the forever stretch of flat land and Sam loses himself in it. That idea of away, of going and going and that Dean could take him because he’s an expert in the field.

The Impala blasts Born To Be Wild and Sam imagines the lyrics spreading out over the dry grass. He rolls the window down and throws his head out, trying his best to keep his eyes open against the road’s wind. The sun beats down, warmth soaking through and into his bones and Sam laughs as the cattle turn to catch a glimpse of them soaring.

Dean pulls him in, tugs at the back of his shirt, says something along the lines of, what are you, a dog? Should get you a shock collar for all the times you’re a little bitch, but Sam can’t hear him over the roaring of the open window and the look of transparent glee on Dean’s face, it’s loud and assaulting and Sam has to turn away because seeing Dean like that wobbles him dangerously from the nonchalant facade he has going on in relation to how he feels about his brother. But mostly his face hurts from smiling too wide.

Used as a warm up last year. Boyking!Sam

He thinks he’s in Louisiana, maybe. That he got here in the tray of a pickup and that he couldn’t feel the wind in his hair like maybe he should. The driver had stopped for a piss-break and Sam had snapped his neck without his hands.

He rubs them together now, tries to feel guilty but there’s nothing to feel guilty about because his hands are clean; he doesn’t have to use them anymore.

Sam thinks he’s in Louisiana because he stepped out of the truck and into a wet kind of heat. There’s a church with thick greenery growing over the roof and white wood that’s been mold-blackened by the humidity. He laughs to the darkness because it's very funny to him that he’s driven himself subconsciously to a place of grace.

He skips up the steps, two at a time, gleefully. The smell of the bayou and rotting wood has put him in a good mood. The lock snaps when he blinks, the chain unraveling and snaking into a coil at his feet. The doors open for him and maybe he did that with his mind too, or maybe they were just expecting him.

The church has been used recently, its interior better kept than the outside, bibles tucked neatly in the backs of pews, ribbons tied into plaits. The white of the moon falls in blankets through the windows, shadows of leaves moving over the floor like rippling water and the bust of Mother Mary prays for him at the altar.

Sam spreads his arms and addresses her, says to the room at large, “Shall I repent for my sins, oh Lord?” and it echoes, gives him goosebumps, a current under his skin. He has an audience here because God is omnipresent, this is a place of worship and Sam has always been good at that.

A church in Louisiana, standing before a plaster of his mother’s namesake in a church for a God he used to think could have some defying factor in a destiny that was always going to be concrete. It’s funny, blatantly. Sam puts his hands gently to Mary’s cold face, kisses her on her lips before crushing her head, spraying ceramic.

Sam stands behind the lectern, hands red with his own blood now, sticking the pages of the Good Book. He’s read it before anyway.

“Am I to be forgiven?”

Last is a casefic I had planned out in 2019. I didn’t get very far into the actual writing part of it, but I still think the setting is cool, less so the plot I had in mind.

Just outside of Bridgeport, Connecticut there’s a community built on a sandbar. A small secluded semi-island, connected to the mainland by a mile-long beachfront. A town of forty to fifty now abandoned, vandalised residences.

The police find the bodies of the boys there, bleeding out and into the sand, each other’s skin caught under their fingernails.

Sam watches as his brother pulls the sheet back from one of the corpses, laying blue on the steel morgue tray. He’s a kid, a boy, not even eighteen. Hairless, lanky, multiple stab wounds puckered around his belly and Sam thinks he does not look peaceful for someone who is meant to be at rest.

Dean is quieter than usual, his body language stiff. They’ve seen their fair share of dead kids but Sam thinks that this one might look a little too much like an adolescent version of himself. Shaggy brown hair, too long limbs, college on the horizon. Sam blankets the sheet back over the boy’s face and hears his brother exhale in what he thinks might be relief.

The coroner tells them that the other two are the same, besides the youngest one. He’d been blinded, thumbs pushed through his eyes until they popped like grapes. He asks if they want to see him too and Sam says no, thank you, we’ve got what we need.

Which is a whole lot of nothing, but they’ve only just arrived and there’s evidence that doesn’t involve corpses that needs to be checked.

“Pussied out in there huh, Sammy?” Dean says as they’re walking down the funeral home’s front steps, past the manicured roses and trimmed lawn. You see these perfect hedges? We’ll treat your dead mother with the same detailed care!

Sam pulls at his tie and scoffs because he knows he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable standing in the morgue; cases that involve kids always rub them both wrong.

#wip dump #wincest #my words

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anonymous0writer · 5 years ago

Text

Jail Bird

Author: @anonymous0writer

Warnings: Swearing. Police stuff. Ward Cameron. (Lol) Inferences to sex. And horrible writing. I’m so sorry!

Requested: Yes!

“Can u do a jj fic where y/n is in an interrogation room with the police and that’s where she first sees jj. He sees her surfing and stuff, she is new to the outer banks . She’s really in some deep stuff with ward cameron that’s he wants out of but the cops listen to him. Jj helps her escape and they flirt and talk. She admits ward is trying to control her. He can’t stay at John B’s so JJ let’s her spend the night at his house. But then the dad catches them,”

Summary: You just moved to Outer Banks, but you’re already in deep shit. You’re fathers a dirty business man, and he and Ward Cameron have been in a feud for years. And you’re stuck in the middle. Until a certain blonde in the next cell over offers to help.

A/N: This is long! Sorry! It was so fun to write though!! I love things like this. Also, I know a cop really wouldn’t let both kids out, but Peterkin’s done it before and I took ‘liberties’ with the story. :)

I hope this was close to what you wanted!!!! It’s not my best writing, and I didn’t go into very much detail cus it’d make it wayyyyy too long but, I hope it’s close and you enjoyed!

“Name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Age.”

“Don’t you have this on a file or something?” You protest, but the officer gives you a hard look. “Seventeen in a month.”

“Good. Now we’re going to ask you a few questions,”

You rolled your eyes. You’ve done this before. In your old town, you weren’t a stranger to shop lifting here and there. But this was new. You’ve never been in an interrogation room before. Or handcuffed. And if you weren’t in a police station, you’d be up for the kink. But this was serious. But this situation pissed you off. You’d literally just moved to Outer Banks. And now you were already at the police station. Your mother would be pissed.

You smirked at the officer. He glared, and seated himself across from you. You shifted in your cold metal seat, wrists tugging at the cuffs digging into your flesh. You winced slightly as your skin was rubbed raw.

“Why were you at the Cameron’s house?”

“I wasn’t. I was unpacking my room. I just moved here.”

If there was one thing you learned from dealing with the cops was that they assumed you were lying or had something to hide if you gave short responses. More information, they would ease up a little more.

“When?”

“On the fifth. So, two weeks ago.” You replied.

“Have you been here for two weeks?”

“No. I was going back and forth with my brother from our old house, in Virginia. We were still getting furniture and everything while my parents got everything ready here.”

“Who are your parents?”

You gave him a look. When he arrested you, he should’ve looked who you were already. You had a record after all. Which you were half proud of in any other situation, but now, it didn’t help.

“Derrick and Ellen Y/L/N.” You answered since the cop didn’t let up.

You glared at your cuffs, they were hurting. Your skin was rimmed with angry red circles. You tugged at them in a vague attempt to get them off.

“Can you get these off? They’re starting to itch.”

“No.”

You huffed. Rude. You silently asked yourself how you ended up here.

It all started a month ago. You had a small house in Virginia, but your parents were looking for houses in North Carolina.

You’re father was a business man. You knew he dabbled in very shady things, but tried to stay out of it. So when your parents announced you were moving, you were suspicious. After all, they chose the rich rich side of the Outer Banks. There was no way your father had gotten that money realistically that fast. Your father wasn’t a good man. But your mother was, but she was blind to him and his dealings. You think.

So a week later, you were practically all packed up. At least the essentials you need for your new house in OBX. You were going to buy new furniture. But only for the kitchen, dining, and living room. Because those were ‘show’ rooms. Rooms other people would see.

So after you officially moved, it was you and your brother Ian’s job to get the beds and other furniture. The big stuff you kept. So over the week and a half, you and Ian kept going back and forth. So you only had a couple days to finish your room and explore your new home.

But you’d been dragged into the police station two days later.

And you had a big suspicion it was Ward Cameron’s doing.

Ward Cameron. King Kook of OBX. Your father and him had a rivalry for a long time. Your father used to live in OBX on the Cut, and he grew up with Ward. They were enemies through out high school. And they grew to have rival businesses. You knew Ward wasn’t a good guy. Even remotely, but you were sure at least a little bit of the fortune he had was actually worked for. Unlike your father.

So moving to the birthplace of your father and the home of Ward Cameron was bound to have issues.

But you barely had time to settle into life as Kook in the Outer Banks. You weren’t used to such a big house. Or the maid. Or the pool, or money. Of course it was fake or dirty, but still. A Kook is a Kook. But in reality, you were a Pogue posing as a Kook.

“Alright, we’re going to put you in a cell while we contact your parents.” The officer grunted, gripping your arm as he lead you to the holding cells.

He let you walk in by yourself and closed the door. Immediately you gripped the bars.

“Oh come on, man! Can’t you take these off at least?” You protested, holding up your bound hands.

The officer shook his head and without another word, left. You scoffed and stepped back. “Asshole.” You muttered before finding the bench and sitting on it. You sat there for a while.

Your charge: breaking and entering in the Cameron’s house.

Ward Cameron. You knew you were gonna get in trouble sooner or later by his hand. Just not this soon. Or this outrageous. If felt like you stepped a foot outside of your house and boom, cuffs were snapped onto your wrists.

With a sudden burst of rage you sat up and smack the wall with your fist. “Fucking Ward Cameron!”

You ignored the splitting pain in your fist, but sat back down and cradled it. Your head snapped up as a laugh traveled to your ears. You looked to your left, where the bars revealed a boy with blonde hair sitting in the next cell over.

He grinned at you, his eyes flashing. You studied him. Bright blue eyes, a shit eating smirk. Blonde hair. Backwards cap. Tan skin, toned muscles, sleeveless shirt, shorts. Looked like a native. Looked like a asshole too.

“What is a girl like you doing in here?”

You quirked a brow. “I apparently broke and entered a Richie’s house.”

You had come up with your own nickname for Kooks with Ian on one of the long car rides. It was funny to you, and you knew you were about to become one, but you weren’t really one. Once again. A Pogue posing as a Kook.

The boy smirked. “Richie?”

You shrugged. “I don’t like Kook.”

“You must be new. I’d remember that pretty face.”

You rolled your eyes at the flirt, but it broke away to a smile. “Just moved here.”

“My bad.” The boy said and moved closer to the division between you two. “JJ.”

“Y/N.” You answered, taking another look at the boy. He was cute. Scratch that. Hot. And a hundred percent player. “Why are you here?”

“Same old.” JJ smirked. “The police like to arrest me for begin too hot.”

That killed your attraction. Hot and cocky didn’t go together. You knew some girls could focus on the hot, but you were the type to need a good personality. You rolled you eyes and turned away. After a couple beats of silence, JJ spoke.

“Did you actually break and enter?”

“Nope.” You gave him a quick glance. “Set up.”

JJ clicked his tongue. “I was smoking weed. Apparently you can’t do that.”

You smirked. “Really? I was counting on that, moving here.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble.”

After a while, you turned to the boy. He’d redeemed himself. He was funny, and you always appreciated a guy with humor.

“Do they usually take this long?”

“Pretty slow around here.” JJ grinned, showing you his teeth. “Island time.”

You nodded, laughing a little. “Virginia doesn’t run that way.”

“I can get you out of here.”

That got your attention. “Really?”

He nodded and pulled out a bobby pin from his jeans. You approached the bars, thrusting your hands forward so he could release you from the rings of pain.

“This isn’t my first rodeo.” He says, and soon the cuffs click and go slack. You pull them off, rubbing your sore wrists.

“Thanks.”

JJ meets you eyes and winks. But you frowned. “How are we gonna get out of the cell?”

“I have a plan. Don’t worry, Y/N.”

You can’t help it, but your stomach flops at the way he says your name. You nod and wait.

“Peterkin!” JJ yells, calling for someone you don’t know.

Soon enough, footsteps and a dark skinned cop comes around the corner. She ‘tsks’ at the blonde haired boy before you.

“JJ,” She says disapprovingly. She gives you a quick glance, but you’re seated on the bench, seemingly uninterested. “What’s this about.”

JJ motions to the door. “C’mon. You know I’m a good kid. I promise I won’t do it again.” JJ pleads.

Peterkin sighs heavily. “Alright.”

You blink. Cops back in your town hated you. Even before you committed your first crime. They’d never be this easy. You eyed JJ. There must be something about JJ that coaxes sympathy out of the cop that you don’t know.

She opens the door with her thick set of keys and the door creaks open. You are so surprised. Dirty cop? JJ walks out of the cell, smiling sweetly at the cop.

“Thanks.”

“Not again, JJ.” She eyes you. “What are you in for?”

“I was framed for breaking and entering.”

Her brows raised. “Ah. You’re the Ward Cameron case.”

“Yes ma’am.” You answered, still not knowing what JJ’s plan was. He better get you out of here, or he was exactly who you thought he was. And you’d been looking forward to getting to know the boy.

“If you go, because you were falsely accused, will you keep your mouth shut?” She asks.

“Yes ma’am.” You nod and stand. Peterkin eyes the discarded handcuffs and a smile tugs at the corner of your lips. She shakes her head.

“You have to pay bail. Both of you. I can arrest both you for refusing to pay, so don’t think about avioding it.” She eyes you hard. “And I know about your record, Missy. Don’t think I’ll be easy next time I see you in the cell.”

“Of course. I won’t.”

She takes it and lets you out. “Alright. Get out of here kids.” She walks away.

You gape at the blonde. “How the hell is it that easy to get out of jail?”

JJ shakes his head. “It’s not. Trust me. I’ve been there enough to know she rarely does that.”

You nod. As JJ starts to move, you follow him. He leads you through an empty hall and you bolt outside the station. The sun beats down on your back. You forgot how hot is was. You’re used to the air conditioned. You haven’t been out much.

You run after JJ as you get far enough away that you won’t be dragged back. You stop under the shade of a palm tree. You stand there for a beat, catching your breath. You look around, it’s nice and warm. A cute town. JJ watched you admire the street and smiles. After a second he asks you a question.

“Where do you live?”

You laugh. He’s straightforward. You like that. “You’re gonna have to try harder if you want to get my number.” You answer, smirking.

He grins and takes off his hat to run a hand through his messy blonde hair. “Alright.” He pauses. “Where you from?”

It takes a second, but you understand. He’s asking what side of the island you belong to. The Cut or Figure Eight. You shrug. “Doesn’t matter. I can’t go home.” You meet his beautiful eyes. “My mother will kill me.”

JJ nods. “You’re a Kook.”

You quirk a brow. “How’d you know?”

“Kooks are always freaked out by jail. And you knew Ward Cameron.”

“Okay, fair. Are you from the cut?”

“Pogue through and through.”

You nod. You can’t go home, but you have no idea what to do. And you want to keep talking to the blonde before you.

“You wanna tour of the island?”

You send a silent thank you to the boy as you nod. “Yeah. That’d be great.”

He smiles and starts heading down the sidewalk, leaving you to catch up. The sun heats your back and illuminates everything around you in a summery light. You didn’t even realize how pretty and nice summers were here. You and JJ fall into light conversation. You ask about each others lives, lightly digging up facts and tidbits of your past. JJ takes an unexpected turn, making you startle. You start down a path that leads to a beach. You stare at the wide expanse of pale sand and blue waters.

JJ smirks at your expression. “Welcome to Outer Banks. Paradise on earth.”

You laugh at the slogan and smile. You stare at the waves crashing in and out. “I could surf here.”

“You surf?” The boy questions, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

You shrug one shoulder. “Not really. My brother’s teaching me.”

JJ catches your eye. “I could teach you. You know, I’m pretty good.”

“Wow, modest.” You grin at each other for second and then you both start down the beach again. You don’t talk, falling into a comfortable silence. Despite yourself, you’re really starting to like him. Maybe jail was a god send today.

You walk down the beach for a while, dancing in and out of conversation. Until your phone buzzes in your back pocket. Frowning, you pull out the phone. Once you check to see who it is, you blank.

“Shit,” You mutter as you see the blinking call sign and you’re mother face and contact above it.

JJ peers at the screen, and glances up to see your expression. “Is she still mad?”

“Beyond.” You sigh and put the phone back in your pocket, ignoring it. “But she’s always like that. I’ve learned that I need to giver her a day to cool off before I head home.”

JJ quirks a brow. “You’ve done this before.”

You lift a shoulder. “Back in Virginia, I was known to shop lift. Just a little. Ended up farther in jail than that.”

You throw a thumb back in the general direction of the station. JJ laughs. “So are you homeless?”

“For the night.” You answer without thinking. If you are, where are you gonna end up? On a bench? Crawling into your room at three am? You glance at the boy in front of you. Does he think you were asking him for a place to stay? You swallow and try to cover up by gesturing to the beach. “Should we continue our tour?”

JJ nods and you start walking, yet again. The sun is dipping lower on the horizon, and you know you’re going to face your sleeping situation soon enough. Back in Virginia, you usually crashed at a friends house. Or Ian’s apartment above the garage. Ian was taking a gap year before he headed off to college to travel, but that was put on the back burner because he needed to save more money and you moved.

After a while, JJ turns his blue eyes on you, and you can tell he’s searching for something. An answer.

“What’s with you and the Cameron's?”

You sigh, tucking your hands into your back pocket. “My father. He and Ward go way back. They used to go to high school together. They were both from the Cut and determined to get out of there. But they were rivals and have been every since.” You catch JJ’s eye and notice he’s watching and listening to you. All his attention on your words. Something about the way he was so intent on listening and paying attention made you want to tell him everything. Your life story. You wanted to tell this boy- one you just met (not to mention in a jail cell)- everything about you. What kind of ice cream you loved, your favorite color. What you wanted to study in college. Where you wanted to live.

So you kept talking, the words flowing naturally out of your mouth. “My dad’s an asshole. And a dirty business man. I mean, we weren’t well off in Virginia. And then suddenly he gets so much money he moves us. Not to mention in a very expensive home. On a beach.” You sigh, watching the sand and your feet as they carry to closer to the end of the beach. “So really I’m a pogue posing as a Richie.”

“Thank god.” JJ sighs. You head snaps up, confused. JJ grins at your confused expression. “I don’t like Kooks. But you’re a Pogue, so we’re good.”

You smile lightly, and then ease into a conversation. About your life. About his life. You learn all his little interests. And he learns how you broke your arm in third grade because Rebecca Pearson pushed you off the tree house. And how you love the color blue because it reminds you of the ocean and you’ve always been fascinated and in awe of it. You learn about how his mom died and how he’s just with his dad. How he’s a really good surfer. How he really wants a dog, but can’t have one. And you learn about his ‘family’ as he calls them. His friends: John B. who’s been his best friend since second grade; Kiara, the girl who’s got a foot in both worlds and big about the turtles; and Pope, the brains of the group who’s fathers a legend around the island.

By the time you lapse back into silence, the sun’s practically gone and the sky is darkening. You bite your lip. Maybe you do have to go home tonight.

JJ catches your worry. “You can come to my house if you want.”

You raise your eyebrows, surprised. JJ smirks. “I won’t make a move, don’t worry.”

You laugh. “Really? It’s totally fine. I can face my mom, promise.” You feel you’d be over stepping your fragile and new friendship.

He shakes his head. “No, look, it’s alright. I wouldn’t want to face my dad after I did something like that. I get it. It’s no big deal anyway.”

Something flashed in his eyes that you didn’t understand. But you knew he wanted to help you, and part of you wanted to go home with him. As more than a friend. So you agreed.

And naturally, as you started towards the surfer’s house, the flirting and sexual tension was amped up. His jokes got dirtier, and your flirting was becoming more and more obvious. And you weren’t scared of where it was headed. You definitely weren’t someone who slept around, but you did have a fair amount of boyfriends, and there was something about JJ. Something that made you fall instantly. It was the same thing that made you want to tell him everything about yourself. He was a strange magnet. With those eyes and words, he could easily pull you into his orbit, and you could feel yourself spilling into it. But you weren’t scared of it.

That’s why when his lips hit yours in the living room of his house, you kissed back just as hungrily. And when his hands slipped under your shirt, you arched into his touch and smiled as his lips traveled to suck on your neck. His fingers were magic, able to erupt want and need as he trailed them along your skin. And his lips were a sin sure to send you to hell. They sucked and put a welcome pressure along your body.

JJ pulled you with him to his room, where you stripped down without another thought. There was something so right and natural about this. You felt something when his eyes landed on you in the cell. And when you talked, you clicked. It was like the final puzzle piece you didn’t realize you missed until you had the whole picture. You’d been searching for it, and it finally clicked into place. And JJ, the boy before you, was that missing piece. No matter how crazy it sounded.

It was a blur of hot lips and heavy breathing. And pleasure exploding through every atom of your body as he hit spots you didn’t even know you had. You rolled around in the sheets, bodies aching for more and hearts beating rapidly. His touch was everywhere when your lips covered his skin with tiny whispers of love. The moment was perfect and he was perfect. And when you were done, sweaty and exhausted, you fit perfectly in his arms. Like you were made for him.

You turned in his arms to face him, eyes heavy with exhaustion, but you needed to say something. JJ watched you, blonde hair messy and sticking up in the places you tugged at. You smiled at the memory flooding your brain.

“Thank you for offering to save me, JJ.”

He grinned, eyes lighting up. “Any time, baby.”

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jensengirl83 · 4 years ago

Text

No Regrets

Dean x reader

Word count-2004

Warnings-Angst, language, death

Summary-Reader has feelings for Dean but has never told him. Will she have a chance before it is too late?

A/N- This is a request from @sutton2001. I hope it is what you were wanting!

“Y/n I am asking you nicely, please stay back on this one.” Dean had been all but begging her to stay at the bunker. This hunt was going to be a bad one. They had gotten word of a horde of demons two states over. The numbers didn’t sound good and he didn’t want her getting hurt.

“Dean, I am a hunter. I was before I met you. I am going on this hunt because it is my job!” Y/n was not lying, but she was not telling the whole truth. She was in love with Dean and could not stand the thought of him getting hurt and her not be by his side.

Y/n had met the boys through Bobby. Her father being a hunter who had helped Bobby from time to time. Her father had been killed not long after her sixteenth birthday, leaving her nowhere to go but to Bobby’s. That is the first time she had seen Dean. He had stopped by with John, them needing Bobby’s help with some lore. She was sitting on the couch, feet propped up on a stack of books in the floor, when the door opened. She lifted her eyes and met the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen. His dirty blonde hair sticking up disheveled on his head. She had been entranced with him ever since.

They stayed in contact over the years and the boys had asked her to move in with them when they had discovered the bunker. She did not hesitate, of course, not turning down the opportunity to be close to Dean. She had always had a crush, it turning to love after about a year of living and hunting with him. She could not tell him how she felt. She was too scared of the rejection and ruining what friendship they had.

“Fine, but you stay close and listen to what I say.” Dean and his stubbornness. It was endearing and maddening at the same time.

“Okay Dean. I do know how to kill demons unless you have forgotten.” Her hand is on her hip with her eyebrow raised.

“I know that Y/n. We are going to be outnumbered so we have to play it smart.” Dean knows she is capable, but this is not a normal demon hunt. The numbers more than they usually fight in one place.

“Well are we going to keep talking about it or go deal with it?” She wants this conversation to be over with.

“Go pack a bag sweetheart, we leave in fifteen minutes.” Dean rolls his eyes at her sassiness. She would not be Y/n without it.

“Aye aye captain!” Dean laughs as she turns on her heels to go pack, silently praying that this hunt will go without a hitch.

Twenty minutes later they are in Baby and on the road. Sam riding shotgun with his nose in his phone as usual. Y/n in the backseat, leaning up between the brothers, her arms folded on the seat. Dean’s cassette of choice playing in the background. She was feeling uneasy about this hunt, one of the reasons she refused to stay back. If something went wrong, she wanted to be there. Dean’s voice makes her turn her head to look at him. His voice a little off key singing the words to ‘Night Moves’. Dean feels her eyes on him and flashes her a smile. The smile that reaches his eyes and makes them crinkle. She loves this man more than she could ever put into words. She sends up another prayer that her gut is wrong this time.

Seven-hour drive and a lot of Sam whining about the music, they finally arrive in the town. Sam goes to check them in to the hotel while her and Dean wait in the car. The bad feeling increasing the closer they made it to the town. She has no idea what is going to happen, but if her feeling is right, it is not going to end well. Lost in her thoughts, she does not see Dean staring at her. He can see the tension and anxiety written all over her face.

“Penny for your thoughts sweetheart.” Dean laughs when his voice causes her to jump with a squeal.

“Damn it Dean! You scared me to death!” Y/n yells clutching her chest, her heart in her throat.

“You look alive to me.” He is still laughing as he dodges her hand.

“Very funny Winchester.” She rolls her eyes. He is always one to crack a stupid joke.

“Seriously Y/n, what is going on it that head of yours. I thought you were going to chew your bottom lip off!” She had not noticed she was biting her lip. A habit she has when she is overthinking.

“I have a bad feeling in my gut Dean. I don’t think this hunt is going to end well for us.” She wants to kick herself. Why did she tell him the truth? He will try to make her stand down for sure now.

“Y/n sweetheart, Me and Sammy do this all the time. We will be fine, but you might want to…” She cuts him off before he can finish his sentence. No way she is staying back and not being there to help them.

“No Dean! I am going. If my feeling is right, something bad is going to happen and I will not be sitting in a hotel room by myself. I will be there if either of you get hurt! Got it?” She was leaving no room for him to argue. He was not winning this time.

“Fine but please stay behind me and Sammy and watch your back.” He is looking right in her eyes. His expression serious but something else in it too. She cannot quite make it out.

“I promise Dean.” She smiles at him as he smiles back. The car door opening ending the conversation.

“I got us a room. We can drop off our stuff and gear up to kill these demons and go back home.” Sam says getting back in the passenger seat. Dean puts the impala in drive and parks in front of their room.

Forty-five minutes later and they are back in Baby and ready to hunt. The demons are supposed to be holed up in an old warehouse right outside town. Y/n gets more nervous the closer they get. The feeling she has had all day increasing with every mile. What will she do if something happens to one of them? She is in love with Dean, but Sam is like her brother. Either one would be a loss she could never get over. Dean can sense her fear as they get closer, looking in the rearview mirror every few minutes to look at her. Y/n sits back and tries to calm down. Dean does not need to be distracted by worrying about her while they kill these bastards.

They finally arrive, parking a little distance away as not to be detected. Angel blades, holy water and salt in their hands, they make their way to the door of the warehouse. Dean signals Sam to go around the back and push any demons there towards him and Y/n in the front.

“Stay close sweetheart. Keep your eyes and ears open and let’s go kill these sons a bitches.” Dean whispers to her and places a kiss to her forehead. She smiles and nods as they make their way through the door. That is when everything went to hell.

There were a lot more than they had expected. Dean and Y/n were surrounded in mere minutes, both punching, kicking and stabbing their way through. Sam had managed to kill the ones in the back and had made his way to her and Dean. They finally manage, after what seemed like hours, to take them all down. All of them bruised and cut, but they had made it. Y/n was smiling at the boys from across the room where she had dropped the last demon when Dean’s eyes widened, and he began to scream.

“Y/n run!” He and Sam were in a full run towards her, but she did not run. She instead turned on her heels to see what they were looking at. The biggest mistake she would make in her life.

“Y/n no!” Dean is moving as fast as he can, but he was not fast enough.

As soon as she had turned around, she was eye to eye with a demon they had somehow missed. The evil smile on his face the only thing she registered at first, then the searing pain right below her ribcage. She looked down to see the knife in the demon’s hands, buried to the hilt. The demon yanked the knife out of her side and began to run, Y/n’s knees going weak and falling to the floor. Dean had made it in time to catch her before she hit the cold dirty concrete floor as Sam kept going after the demon.

“Dean….I am so sorry.” Y/n is apologizing her mouth filling with the taste of copper.

“Shhh sweetheart. We are going to get you out of here. You will be just fine Y/n.” Dean is putting pressure on the wound, but the blood is gushing out between his fingers. Quickly making a puddle in the floor under Y/n’s body.

“No Dean. I am not leaving this room alive, so promise me something ok?” Y/n reaches up to cup Dean’s cheek in her hand while she still has the strength.

“Y/n please don’t say that. I will get you out of here and Cas can come heal you.” Dean leans his face into her hand, tears starting to stain his cheeks.

“Dean please, let me say this. You have to promise no…” She starts to cough, blood running out of the corners of her mouth. “No deals. Promise me that Dean!” She finally able to get her words out.

“I promise sweetheart because you are not going to die!” Dean’s body is wracked with sobs now. He knows she is not going back with them alive this time, but he cannot admit it to himself.

“I have to say this quick so do not interrupt me please. I love you Dean. I have for years but I never told you because I did not want to ruin what we had. That is why I have always stayed Dean, always followed you wherever you went. I could not bear the thought of not being with you. Knowing it ends like this I would do it all over again. I have no regrets Dean, so do not eat yourself up with guilt over this. You hear me Dean?” Dean nods his head. “Tell Sammy I love him, and I will be waiting for you both on the other side.” Dean places as kiss to her lips. Their first and last kiss.

“I love you too Y/n.” Dean whispers to her as he lays his forehead against hers, reaching to intertwine their fingers. His other hand coming up to caress her cheek.

“Keep fighting Dean….you and Sam kick it in the ass ok?” She struggles to let out a laugh but instead coughs, choking on her own blood.

“I promise sweetheart.” Dean can see the life draining from her eyes. His heart is shattering into a million pieces as she squeezes his hand one last time, the last whisper of breath leaving her body. Her once bright and beautiful eyes are now dull and lifeless. Dean is laying across her, sobs wracking his body as he holds her in his arms like he should have a long time ago.

If only she could make him feel what she felt as she took her last breath. How happy she was that if she had to go, she went looking into his eyes. She drifted away feeling the love between them. She died peaceful and with no regrets.

Tags: @flamencodiva @sorenmarie87 @foxyjwls007 @waywardbeanie @emoryhemsworth @voltage-my2dlove @hardcoresupernatural @marvelouslysherlockedhunter @lyarr24

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #reader insert #dean x reader #dean fanfiction #spn fanfiction #spn family #angst #character death

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skycruise · 4 years ago

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Jared virtual panel Sunday 22 Nov 2020

As with Misha, tried to type as he talked as much as possible. I did get interrupted by a couple of brief phone calls & I’m sure someone will post a video later today, but for now--

--Just got out of the shower. Didn’t do his hair lol. It is SHORT Y’ALL.

--Been a hell of a week, we all know why. Series finale. Shed some tears, watched it at his house, everything came flooding back, was really emotional. Wishes he could see our faces. He feels the love.

--Top 3 episodes and why? Series finale is his favorite, he is a fan of storytelling & looking at SPN as a whole the finale wrapped up things in a way that were meaningful and poignant and “wonderfully frustrating”. #2, Sacrifice. Another moment of seeing deeply inside the boys but they were flipped Sam thinking he was dying vs Dean dying. #3 French Mistake, doesn’t know if any other TV show could have done that.

--Was pie in Dean’s face scripted? Yes and he got to do it a few times! When Sam throws the pie in Dean’s face there is a passerby looking on, that is Bob Singer. It being scripted didn’t make it any less fun.

--How were the first days on the set of Walker? Thank you for asking, it’s been awesome. Strange but incredible. Feels lucky and fortunate to be able to see his kids in the morning and and at night, proud of what SPN was and hoping to recreate some of that with Walker. Learned so much from Sam and wants to do that with another character.

--Bad hair days? Puts on a beanie. Never learned how to do anything with his hair.

--Crossover between SPN and Walker, would Cordell and Sam be friends? Absolutely. Both trying to do their best in a weird world to make it a better place and hopefully ease other people’s pain. Sam and Dean found themselves in situations where there’s no perfect answer and Cordell deals with the same type of things.

--Fave Harry Potter book & movie & spell? Book--Deathly Hallows, Sorry, missed the rest! Oh Expecto Patronus lol

--Craziest/funniest bts moment? 2 moments, one where he was awaiting birth of first son Tom, scene where Sam is chasing Kevin around. Same situation where Jensen was waiting for twins--Jensen getting that call. Just a weird situation where something huge is going on personally while trying to act. Talks about Jensen not having his passport and it had to be all hands on deck to find Jensen’s passport and get him back in the states for the birth.

--If SPN all over again as a different character, who & why? Biggest part of him says he has to be Sam. He would be Sam again. But if he HAD to change he would be Lucifer. Mark made it seem like such a fun character to play. Also possibly Chuck, Rob was phenomenal.

--Would love to do/have reaction videos for cast reaction to reaction videos. (Me too, Jared)

--Had a hard time thinking about who he was going to be without SPN

--How did you start your acting career? Acted in middle/high school. Won a contest to be trophy presenter (pulls out surfboard award thing) at Teen Choice awards, met an agent & auditioned over tape. Was supposed to be premed in school but got Gilmore Girls.

--What is always on your Thanksgiving table? Turkey, as much as possible. Stuffing, pumpkin pie. Big Dallas Cowboys fan so would always watch Cowboys game and make awful turkey nachos (tortilla chips with Thanksgiving leftovers) that night

--How would Sam spend his time in quarantine? Giant library at bunker doing a lot of reading. Would probably use a pedometer to make sure he got his steps in for the day. Sam is an introvert.

--What country would Sam and Dean like to visit on vacation? Puerto Rico. Wishes Sam and Dean got their beach vacation that they had talked about. Not sure if the car could have gotten there. Maybe they could have found some floaties for it lol.

--Were any lines adlibbed or added by him and Jensen (finale)? Yes. In the barn scene when Dean tells Sam to keep going, it was written Sam said he couldn’t do it without you (Dean), Sam thought he should say it more similar to the pilot, which is what they did. First thing Dean said to Say was Heya Sammy and Sam was Dean? Sam thought those should also be their last words on the bridge. J2 tried to convey how they thought the characters felt in that barn scene especially. When Sam says It’s okay, you can go now, Jared thought Sam’s son should say the same to him at his death.

--Sam wearing Dean’s watch in the finale? Jared happy fan caught that. Jared thought it was something Sam would have kept and worn.

--Jared doesn’t catch the reference SamLicker81 lol.

--Jared had a lot of time to think about Sam’s ending, at first he thought it was jarring but how do you feel about anyone’s ending? Would you ever be ok with your own ending? There was a finality to it that no matter what happened it would be difficult to wrap his head around. Once he digested it, he felt it was the best way to tell Sam’s story. Sam tried to live his life the way Dean would have wanted him to life his life. He tried to do what Dean would have wanted. If Dean had come back 20 years later and saw Sam hunting he wouldn’t have liked that, he wanted Sam to live his life. That’s what they all fought for, for whoever was left to live as normal a life as possible.

--Any other props end up at Jared’s house? Yeah he has some stuff. His stand-in Jason had got 2 picture frames for Jared and Jensen, got copies of the last call sheet along with their marks (red tape for Jared, blue for Jensen), and framed them.

--Super excited about producing and acting on Walker, felt like he and Jensen were pseudo-producers on SPN but will be different on Walker, hopefully he can help guide the story in a way that’s best for the show

--Acting advice? Everybody is different. Acting is trying to be somebody you’re not...but don’t try to be somebody you’re not. Don’t try to be like another actor. Just be you and figure out what story you want to tell, remember you’re there to tell a story, commit to who you are and who you have been. There are things you’ve been through no one else has, so don’t discredit that.

--Fave song that reminds you of Sam? Carry on Wayward Son, especially having just watched the finale, it’s such a powerful song.

--Pre and post COVID scripts? They can’t fire me now! Biggest deal with post COVID script was the mandatory 2 week quarantine. There were going to be a lot of beloved characters in Heaven with us but it was just a scene or 2 so they couldn’t really ask Rob, Richard, Samantha Smith, Jeffrey Dean to come sit in a hotel room for 2 weeks for one scene. The Heaven Dean deserved was filled with people but because COVID it ended up being just Sam and Dean.

--One thing he will miss the most? The crew/family. Life long friends made over 15 years. He grew up a lot on SPN, been through so much and so much history with those people. It’s so different shooting Walker right now because with COVID there’s less human contact. Misses human contact (with fans too).

--How did you prepare to shoot Dean’s death? How could you possible prepare to shoot Dean’s death? We shot it in September, I had known about since June or July 2019, had been reading the script since February. Lot of time spent on set was trying not to cry. Massive massive fight scene, shot for 3 days but 30 seconds on screen. One day for after Dean’s been impaled so they wouldn’t have to fight all day then get emotional. Was emotional about that scene, didn’t want Jared to get in the way of Sam’s story.

--Did Sam tell his kid about all the hunting stuff? Yeah of course, told him all about uncle Dean, why he was named after him, and the importance of taking care of himself and not spending his life saying goodbye to friends and family and then his son just wanted to get a tattoo.

--There are tons of shows Jared wishes SPN could have crossed over with. Would have been funny to cross over with Walking Dead, for them to see John and he doesn’t know who they are.

--First people Sam would want to see in Heaven? Obviously Dean. Bobby. Mom. Sully. Sam’s Heaven is mostly Dean. He wanted Sam’s wardrobe from the pilot because that was Sam’s happiest moment, going on the road with his brother.

--If he had the chance to work with Jensen again (and he WILL he says, hopefully sooner than later)...Jensen has a standing invitation to come to Walker, but they will find something somewhere and it will be great.

--What weird or gross food do you enjoy? Jared eats everything and a lot of it. Except olives. Doesn’t really like chocolate despite his sweet tooth. Doesn’t like black licorice. Will try anything once. Loves spicy food.

--Advice for people with anxiety? One thing that’s worked for him is just accepting that it’s not going anywhere. If you’re trying to get rid of anxiety you’ll frustrate yourself. Talks about Eddie Vedder saying he sees his demons as somebody who’s riding in the car with him. Take care of yourself. You got this.

--Grateful for you guys, hope to see you soon.

#jared padalecki #virtual panel #StageIt #creation 2020 #jared panel

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ilovefanfic86 · 4 years ago

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Supernatural S15E20 “Carry On” Series Finale

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Warning!!! I am going to be very emotional in this post. I kinda still am. There will also be plenty side noes.

I knew they would play that version. (Grabs tissues)

They were babies.

Bobby will always be the dad the boys desrved.

Sam was so damn buff in “Lazurus Rising”.

I like how we get to the old characters/actors.

It feels like they wanted to make us cry before the actual episode.

Here we go...

*Deep breaths*

Lol!! “Ordinary Life”

Dean kept Miracle!

THANK YOU JARED!!!

I’m Sam making the bed.

I loved this montage of Sam and Dean living a free life.

The title card for the last time.

Pie Fest!!

Finally Someone brought up Castiel.

*Side Note*

What Dean said makes sense. Them honoring Cas’s sacrifice by being happy and free is what the should do, but fuck that.

What is this purge shit?!

They are SINGER AND KRIPKE!

Haven’t seen John’s journal in forever. Its beautiful to see that they still have to use it.

Evil mimes = Vamp mimes Thank you Dean.

Well its clear that Jack brought back everyone. Good cause I was worried about Garth.

I don’t trust this plan.

Dean and his ninja stars are too funny.

Yea, clearly a trap.

*Side Note 2*

I am feeling a little let down with the “MOTW” storyline. It’s not what I was expecting. Hopefully this goes somewhere.

Damn! Sam got his ass scooped up.

Wait... What? Jenny? I barely remember her.

Oh... Well bye Jenny.

DAMN IT DEAN!!!!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Dean telling Sam that he is proud of him.

STOP!!

I am truly speechless right now. Dean is really dead.

Poor Sam. He had a hunter’s funeral with just the dog.

My heart is really broken right now.

Thank you Donna.

*Side Note 3*

I noticed that the call is from Texas. Like “Walker: Texas Ranger” Lol!!

I am having anxiety watching Sam leaving the bunker.

The Table...

*Side Note 3*

How did Dean fight the universe’s ultimate badasses and was taken out by a FUCKING NAIL!!?!?!?!?!

Dean and Cas deserved better.

Dean is in heaven.

BOBBY!!!

Wait... What did Jack do?

So, no more reliving life’s greatest hits?

Rufus is with Aretha Franklin and John and Mary live up the road.

Harvelle’s Roadhouse.

CAS HELPED JACK MAKE HEAVEN FOR DEAN!! SO CAS IS IN HEAVEN?!?!?!?

Except... WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS?!?!?!?

There’s Baby! With the original license plate.

Sam had a baby and named him Dean!

I can’t see the woman on the porch? Is that Eileen?

Little Dean has the possession tatt.

OH GOD SAM IS ABOUT TO DIE!

An acoustic version of “Carry On...” Who said that this was okay?!!!!

Is he going to meet Dean on the bridge?!!

“Heya Sammy.”

After watching the episode a few more times and reading the lastest gossip about the finale. I do have some opinions on the matter. Some of you may agree and some may not. These are my opinions and thoughts.

Given all that has happened this year I am grateful that they filmed anything. They risked their health and the health of their familes, to get us the finale. I appreciate that. However, there is clearly somethings that were amiss.

First, Dean. (a.)At first I was just completely hurt about his death. I was so mad that he was killed by rebar because of a lame ass vampire. I get the angle that they were going for with it. Now that Chuck isn’t writing their lives anymore, they don’t have plot armour anymore. Basic shit can hurt them now. Just like when the didn’t have any “luck”, regular people shit happened to them. So, if you fight in a barn around random ass rebar sticking out, you’re bound to get hurt.

(b.)Social Media. I get on Twitter and Supernatural is trending. But, not because of high praise. No. It was because a lot of the fandom felt cheated by the finale. Which is how i felt at the time.Then that Jensen did not like the ending. That he thought that the ending was going to be different than what we got. Granted that they couldn’t go full out because of the virus. If I am correct, Jensen said that they would go out “Butch and the Sundance Kid” style. Plus they edited so much of the episode “Despair” that him and Misha felt that the charaters were cheated. Also Jo (Alona Tol) and Ellen (Samatha Ferris) Harvelle were not asked back. Which I thought was strange.

(c.) What happened to all of Dean’s earthly possessions?

Seceond, Sam. (a.)Sam’s life. I am glad that Sam got to live a long life and have the family that he always wanted. I know that because of the pandemic we couldn’t shoot everyone together. That being said, Did Sam marry Eileen? We don’t see or hear from her. The only glimpse of his wife is on the porch and its so far away we can’t tell who it is. Also in Sam’s montage, we see a lot of pictures inside his house. But not one of his wife. It just seems rushed is all.

(b.)Sam’s aging. I am not okay with the wig that they had Jared wear. It looked like a Party City wig. Again, rushed production. But, I do forgive them for a shirtless Sam/Jared. THANK YOU!

(c.)Sam’s heaven. This may go into the plotholes area. When Sam goes to heaven will he see Jess again? Jess was the love of his life and he said that he still thinks about her.

Third, Castiel. (a.) Misha Collins did a amazing job as Castiel. His performance in “Despair” really broke me. That being said, Cas deserved better than the show gave him. A few mentions in the last episode. But no one is really talking about the fact that Cas confessed his love for Dean and it was completely ignored. We just know that Jack got Cas out the Empty and they both made a new heaven for Dean. Does Cas and Dean ever see eah other?

(b.)Destiel/CasDean. DESTIEL BECAME CANON! This was a huge thing for the SPN fandom. People who have never watched the show were interested by this. This made 2020 a little more enjoyable. Now, I know that there are some that are against Destiel. That is your right and opinion. However, it is now plain to see that Cas has always had the feelings toward Dean. And they are not on a platonic level. There has been years of evidence to this. Sam and Cas’s relationship is not the same as his and Dean’s. Naomi programmed Cas to kil Dean but couldn’t once the time came. From angel to demon, Devil and God has all said at one point or another that Castiel was in love wth Dean.. Whenever Cas died on the show, Dean spirals out of control. He always tries to find something else to get his mind off the fact that Cas is gone. Does Dean feel the same for Cas? I’m not sure, but I lean more to that he does. I have always believed that Dean was Bisexual. He’s been seen checking out men on the show. I just wsh that they would at least acknowledged it.

Fourth, Plotholes.(a) There are so many plotholes after the finale that I need answers to. I have too many to put on here. I will put those in a different post.

For what the finale was, I liked it. It did fall a little flat, but if I just focus on the fact that they both got the ending they deserved.

2 brothers, hunters, Archangels vessels, Men of Letters, Legacies, Knight of Hell, Boy!King, ‘Messengers of God’s Destruction’, Dads, Heros. Thank you.

Sam and Dean Winchester... There is peace, now you’re done.

(not my gifs)

#supernatural #Sam Winchester #Jared Padalecki #dean winchester #Jensen Ackles #castiel #Misha Collins #jake kline #alexander calvert #bobby singer #jim beaver #spn spoilers #SPN #spn final season #spn finale #spn s15e20 #SPN Spoiler #Carry On My Wayward Son

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 5 years ago

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Dazed and Confused (Part 1)

Summary: Dean Winchester grew up wanting to be a cop. When he gets kicked out of the police academy on a fluke though, he turns to a life of crime. After breaking up with Dean and seeing him committing a crime in the act, the reader becomes an officer herself and eventually a detective. Four years after that day, the reader is sent undercover to figure out what Dean is up to. Only she has no idea how far Dean is willing to go to keep her from finding out the truth…

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 1,600ish

Warnings: language, scary situations, violence, murder, etc.

A/N: This series has been on Ao3 only for awhile now and I am finally reposting here as well. It’s not new but it may be new to you. Please enjoy!...

_____

“Dean?” you asked, spotting him walk in the front door and cut through to the back of the apartment. “Dean what...you’re supposed to be at the academy, aren’t you? You got class until-”

“I flunked out,” said Dean, your scoff stopping him in his tracks. “You think I’m fucking joking about that?”

“Considering you’re top of your class, yeah, I think you’re playing some shitty prank or ditching class. Now what is-”

“I have a record apparently. I can’t be a police officer now,” said Dean, grabbing his gym bag from the floor and moving to the closet. “I was seventeen and in a car I didn’t know someone took form their dad without permission. They charged all of us for a stupid non-crime and if I ever see Gabe again, I’m gonna murder him.”

‘Dean...” you said, grabbing his arm, spinning him around. “Go back to the academy and explain-”

“I was forced to quit, Y/N. I got called out of class and into the dean’s office. If you have a record, you can’t be a cop. They thought I was hiding it but I didn’t even know I had one. No exceptions they said. My bag’s are in Baby” he said, shrugging you off. “I’m staying with Sam tonight.”

“Dean, baby, it’s gonna be okay. Maybe we can call your dad, he’s a detective. He knows-”

“Stop trying to make me feel better for once in my life!” he shouted, brushing past you and for the door. “Y/N, give me some space. I mean it.”

“We are talking about this once you cool off Dean. Until then you can have your space.”

Two Months Later

"What?” you asked quietly, too caught up at staring at the green eyes under the mask to think about the gun in his hands. His own were wide and he was quickly shoving you on the ground, standing over you.

“Say another word and I’ll kill you, understand?” he growled, not waiting for an answer before barking out other orders to people inside the bank.

You hadn’t seen or heard from Dean in almost two months. You gave him his day to vent and get it out that he wasn’t going to be a cop, that everything he’d worked for in school and college and the academy was all gone.

When he finally came back around with a couple of moving boxes, he went off on you. You knew Dean’s head and knew that he didn’t mean what he said during a fight. Normally it was his way of getting you to back off. Nearly four years together and two with living together gave you a pretty good idea of when he was being mean for no reason.

But when he, the one guy you ever willingly told about the awful day...when he said it was your fault, you knew it was done. If he was so angry and bitter about not being a cop that he would rip open wounds that only got shut because of him, he wasn’t the man you thought he was.

Two months later seeing green eyes that looked so much like his, hearing a voice that was just a bit deeper than you were used to...you were almost positive the man in the ski mask and holding a gun at some poor bank teller was Dean Winchester.

He wasn’t there more than a minute, gone in a flash and barely enough time for you to register the build under the baggy hoodie and coat.

“Hi, Sam,” you said, dialing him up as soon as you gave a statement to a cop. “You heard from your brother lately?”

“Uh no. He and I aren’t exactly talking right now,” said Sam, his voice hard. “I haven’t seen him in two months.”

“I think...” you said, walking away from the bank and climbing in your car. “I think your brother just robbed a fucking bank, Sam.”

“That’s not funny, Y/N,” said Sam.

“Neither was getting shoved around by a bank robber, Sam. I am 99% positive that it was Dean,” you said.

“Dean was pissed last time I saw him but he’s not a criminal, Y/N,” said Sam.

“I didn’t...I’m worried about the asshole, alright?” you said, Sam breathing heavy on the other end. “Oh, you think he’s an asshole too, Sammy.”

“What’d he say to you?” asked Sam.

“Shit I don’t want to talk about. I’m guessing he said crap about your mom?” you asked, Sam’s thick swallow coming through loud and clear. “He got kicked out of the academy and he lost his shit, which I get but Sam you know your mom was not your fault.”

“I know but he just had to...maybe he really did rob a bank,” said Sam, his floor creaking in the background. “I know, Kevin...I’ll run to study group in just a minute, okay?”

“Shit, it’s your finals week, isn’t it,” you said, running your hand over your face. “You don’t need this right now.”

“It’s alright, Y/N,” said Sam. “Swing by the house around eight. We can talk then.”

“No, you study, Sam. I’m sure I’m overreacting is all.”

Four Years Later

“Junior Detective Y/L/N,” said your partner, a hard ass with a nought soft center.

“Bobby,” you said with a smile up at him, his face in even more of a scowl than usual. “It’s not even nine in the morning. What’s shoved up-”

“You’ve been reassigned, kid,” said Bobby, your jaw dropping. “You think I want another snot nosed brat to train? Uh uh.”

“Where are they putting me?” you asked, getting up from your desk, following him down the hall to the conference room. “I didn’t put in for anything. I actually like being your partner. Bobby, I-”

“Special assignment is all chief would tell me,” said Bobby.

“Y/N,” said the chief, waving you inside, holding up a hand for Bobby to wait outside.

“John, what in the world could you be putting her on that I can’t know about it?” asked Bobby.

“It’s need to know and you know what you need to,” said John, closing the door in his face. He pointed you to a seat, pulling down the blinds in the room. “You’re fidgeting, Y/L/N.”

“What’s going on that the most senior detective in the department can’t know about it?” you asked.

“You’re the only person here who can do what I’m about to ask you,” said John, sliding over the lone file at the other end of the table. “I need you to keep this quiet. You’ll understand-”

“Dean,” you said, his face staring back when you opened the file. There was no arrest record apart from one when he was 17 but the things he was suspect in...

“Dean is...let’s just call it in deep shit and leave it at that,” said John, taking a seat beside you. “He’s dangerous. Never been convicted of anything. I’ve kept the rumors of what he does away from the department but...Dean’s made a name for himself elsewhere. Everything from petty theft to kidnapping, assualt...murder suspect.”

“John, why are you showing me this?” you asked, sliding the file away, not caring to see what happened to the man you once loved.

“I need you to go undercover,” said John, your head shaking. “You just had your secondary training a month ago and they said you’re one of the best they’ve seen. We both know you became a cop to figure out what the hell happened to him. This is our chance.”

“I became a cop so I wouldn’t feel scared again like in that bank,” you said, turning away. “In case you forget, your son broke up with me. He said things to me that I can’t forgive. He would never in a million years buy that I forgot all that.”

“I’m not asking you go undercover as his girlfriend, Y/N. He’s a criminal. He’s in Washington, a small town, working something. We just need intel on what it is, that’s it,” said John.

“He knows me. He probably knows I’m a cop. I can’t just go undercover,” you said.

“So what if he knows you’re a cop? Tell him you quit if he asks,” said John.

“John...” you said, leaning back in your seat. “I can’t do it.”

“We don’t have a choice, Y/N. The feds said you’re the one. You pack up tonight.”

A week later you were in your new town with a population of two thousand people. You were barely there thirty seconds before half the people were bringing over plates of food. It didn’t take long for word to spread a new girl was around or for you to spot Dean after that.

“Leave,” he said as he walked past you on the street, not bothering to stop.

“Dean,” you said, jogging back to catch up with him, catching his arm halfway down the block. “What-”

“If I see you again, you won’t like what happens next,” he said, shrugging you off.

About eight hours later, you realized you never really knew Dean Winchester at all.

_____

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #dean winchester #au #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #series

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schrijverr · 4 years ago

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Get out of jail for free-card

Stanford-era Sam gets a call from Dean, who has been arrested and needs him to bust him out. Jess insits on coming with him and is in for a bit of a surprise with the revelations that come with meeting Dean.

On AO3.

Ships: Sam x Jess

Warnings: Their childhood. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Friday, which meant drinking and having fun for Sam and his friends. Jess was just asking what everyone wanted to drink when a phone rang. It took a few seconds before Sam realized it was his. He shot a confused look to his friends and picked up: “Uh, hello, this is Sam Winchester speaking?”

“Sammy, thank God.”, came Deans voice from the other side.

Shocked Sam said: “Dean?”

“Yeah, it's me, already forgotten the sound of my beautiful voice?” Sam practically heard the smirk in that statement.

He couldn't help the bitch face as he answered: “How could I ever forget that annoying sound. But why the fuck are you calling me?”

Tom raised his brows to Jess who gave him a confused look back, Sam wasn't known to swear and neither had ever heard of this Dean person. They were pulled back to the phone call when Sam exclaimed: “What do you mean you got arrested.”

The comment got Jess to give him A Look, so Sam told Dean: “Wait a sec, gotta move.”

Then he waved at them and said: “Sorry have to take this, you guys go and start the movie.”

Jess frowned, but Sam didn't notice as he was saying: “Yes, Dean, movie night, normal people do that sort of thing on Friday. And don't call me Samantha. Now why are you arrested again?”

“Grave desecration, not really a good excuse for that, you know.” Dean said.

Sam rubbed his forehead and asked: “And why is this my problem again?”

“Dad's in Ohio together with Bobby, a demon, he wouldn't take me, so I got an easy salt 'n burn in San Francisco, but I got busted.” Dean replied.

“Do you need bail money or do you need to be saved?” Sam asked with a tired voice.

“I'm no Disney Princess, dude.” Dean said, “Psh, getting saved. But no, no bail for me, just heard you're pre-law now.”

Sam sighed as he read between the lines, Dean needed Sam to bust him out of a holding cell. He said: “Tell them you called a lawyer and won't do anything until he's there. And what name are you going by right now?”

“Phil Rudd.” Dean said, of course it was a rock star name.

He sighed again and said: “I’ll be there in 50.”

“Thank you, Sammy.”

“It’s Sam.” Sam bitched back, then he hung up and snagged a tie out of his closet along with a dress shirt.

He walked back into the room, where no one had started the movie and everyone was ready to pounce him with questions. “Who’s Dean?” Jess asked.

“And why is he arrested.” Tom added.

Sam grimaced and awkwardly said: “He's my brother, so I'm gonna go pick him up at the police station.”

“And why is he arrested?” Jess asked with an intense look.

“Uhhh,” Sam looked away with an embarrassed flush and said: “Grave desecration.”

“He did what!” Jess exclaimed, “That's terrible! Why would he do that?”

“He has his reasons.” Sam said curtly, then he realized that that didn't help the situation, so he went on: “Look he's a good guy, honestly, just a shitty past that he didn't shake off as well as I did. If you'd meet him, you would know.”

“Then take me with you.” Jess demanded.

Their friends had been watching the discussion like it was a tennis match and in the tense silence that followed they kept their eyes on Sam. Sam, who was having a small crises. On one hand he didn't want to fuck up his relationship with Jessica because he didn't take her with him, but on the other hand he also didn't want to fuck it up because he was busting his brother out, illegally.

When the silence dragged on Jess said: “I’m not letting this go, Samuel, take me with you or this is over.”

And that made the decision for him, he said: “Okay, let’s go, I told him I'd be there as fast as I could.”

The ride was silent and tense for the first 15 minutes, then Jess said: “I don’t want to meet your brother with just a bad image, so what's your best memory?”

“Huh?” Sam asked dumbly.

“What's your best memory of you and Dean?”

Sam smiled softly and said: “Where do I start? God, he was always there for me for a start, according to him my first words were “Bean” in an attempt to say his name, he says he cried.”

He thought some more before saying: “I know it sounds weird, but with Dad almost always gone and mom dead, while constantly on the road, Dean was my everything. He was my brother, best friend and mom all rolled into one. We were SamnDean, no spaces between us.”

Jess shot him a look, but didn’t say anything and he didn’t either, he just looked at the road and thought back to the times were this sight was his daily view, just from the backseat, with two pairs of shoulders and two heads blocking his view.

When they arrived Sam turned to Jess and said: “I need you to stay in the car, please?”

Then he got out of his flannel and buttoned up the dress shirt and put on the tie. Jess frowned at that and asked: “Why? What's going on, Sam?”

“It’s kinda hard to explain, but you have to believe me when I say I hate this as much as you will. Just stay in the car. Me and Dean will be here in a few minutes.” He gave her his best puppy eyes and she relented with an “I don’t like this.”

He gave her a peck on the cheek and said: “I don’t either. See you in a bit.”

Then he was out the car and walking into the station.

Half of the scam was the confidence, so Sam strutted up to the front desk and said: “I’m John Singer, I'm here for Phil Rudd.”

The lady gave him a one over and raised a brow. He knew he was still wearing his shaggy shoes and jeans, plus he looked very young. So he kinds dropped the confidence a bit and said: “I’m just the intern, but my boss, Simon Wright, is out of town, so I’m taking the calls right now.”

A look or pity showed up on the ladies face as she said: “Didn’t expect a call this late, did ya?”

He nodded and said: “I haven’t done this before, sorry, could you point me in the right direction?”

She smiled and quickly walked him through what was expected of him. He thanked her profusely as he walked away.

Dean greeted him with a smirk and said: “Hey, man, what’s the plan?”

Sam gave him a bitch face and said: “I’m risking a lot by being here, so don’t try anything, okay? Jess is waiting in the car, so lets make this quick.”

“Wait a minute. Who’s Jess?” Dean said.

“My girlfriend, now pay attention we can talk later.” Sam said.

Dean whistled impressed, but stayed quiet while Sam explained: “They think I’m an intern, so a newbie. You are going to punch me and then use this time window of no surveillance you've created to escape and hide in the back of Jess’s car, okay? It’s the blue crappy Honda.”

Dean chuckled, but nodded. He got ready to punch but Sam held up his hand and quickly sent Jess a text: ‘Dean will join you in the car shortly, don't say anything to anyone. See you in a few.’

Then he allowed Dean to punch him. He waited until Dean was out the window before he yelled: “Help! He punched me and he's gone!”

Soon the whole room was filled with police. His statement was taken and he was checked over, but after 15 minutes they'd let him go while he gave them Bobby's number for if they wanted more info.

On his way out he texted Bobby about it with a side note not to tell Dad, while he ignored Jessica's messages about how this wasn’t funny.

He got into the car and was immediately slapped by an angry Jess. He looked to Dean who was lying on the back seat to stay out of sight, but he just shot him a ‘hey-don't-look-at-me-dude-this-is-your-problem’ look.

When he said nothing she said: “What took you so long?”

He told her the truth: “They still needed my statement.”

She looked even more angry and said: “Then why is he telling me you busted him out. Illegally!”

He whipped around to give Dean a look and said: “Because he is an idiot.”

“Hey! You brought her with you and told her about your plan. I thought she knew, don’t blame me!” Dean defended himself.

“Why would she know?” Sam said frustrated.

“I don’t know, maybe because she is here and you texted her your plan?”

“God, this is just like Seibert.” Sam gave him an angry look.

Dean got angry as well and loudly replied: “How is this anything like Seibert?”

“Your lack of filter almost fucked me over that’s how.” Sam had a full on bitch face now.

“I told you back then that a twelve-year-old isn’t as convincing as an crying ‘help me I’m lost kid’ than an eight-year-old.”

“And I told you that someone smaller was better for sneaking around, you’re lucky they caught me after I had given dad the keys.”

“I was trying to buy you time, which was my task in the plan.”

“And telling them I was there seemed smart when my task was to remain unseen?”

With every comment their voices got louder and angrier, but before the fight could escalate any further Jess cut in: “What are you even talking about?”

“1991, we were staying in Seibert, but Dad got arrested.” Dean began.

Sam interrupted: “Since when are you such a sharer?”

“Since I’m trying to save your relationship here dude. Look at her, she wants the truth lets give it to her.” Dean shot back.

Sam looked at Jess, who he saw was siding with Dean on the subject. He crossed his arms and muttered: “Like that isn’t gonna ruin everything.”

Then he started up the car and said: “I’m dropping you off at your car hopefully you haven’t lost that too.”

“No, baby is still at my motel, Civic Center Inn, you can drop me there.” Dean said, Jess marveled at how quickly the two calmed down, then Dean turned back to her and said: “So, 1991, Seibert Colorado. Dad had gotten arrested, this wasn’t the first time, so me and Sammy go and bust him out.”

“It’s Sam.”

“Yeah, whatever. So, my plan was that he goes in and acts like he’s lost, creating a diversion for me so that I can sneak dad the keys of his cell.” Dean explained, “Except Sam didn’t agree with that, said I had to play lost, because he was smaller and therefore would be able to sneak better.”

“Which is true.” Sam commented.

“No, it’s not, because it almost went wrong.” Dean jibed.

“And that was your fault.” Sam said.

“No, it’s wasn’t.” Dean started up the discussion again.

Jess just wanted to know what had happened, so she interrupted: “Let it go, both of you.”

“Sorry.” Sam said immediately.

Dean coughed, but Jess was certain she heard “Whipped”, Sam probably did too, because his lips tightened, but he didn’t say a thing.

Dean went on: “Anyway, I go in and start crying telling them I’m lost and it does create a diversion, but not long enough, so I also tell them I lost my younger brother while I was supposed to be watching him. That does work, a small child is lost, so everyone there starts looking and it the end they find him. He tells them he was looking for the bathroom and wondered away and we get dropped off at a random house, which we tell them is ours. Then we walk to the motel where our father joins us shortly after.”

“We skipped town that night.” Sam finished.

Jess sat quietly for a second as she takes everything in, finally she said: “I’m sorry, Sam, that sounds horrible.”

Sam just shrugged and said: “I’ve never known different, so I never missed it. I’ve been helping in illegal scams since I was three or something. That’s just life.”

“Not that he ever liked it.” Dean felt the need to insert himself into the conversation, “He and dad were always fighting.”

Sam rolled his eyes and said: “Yeah, he didn’t want me to go to college and get a normal life, sorry for wanting to be like everyone else.”

“That didn’t mean you had to fight with him about every little thing, Sam.” Dean said.

Jess sat there awkwardly, feeling that this was a whole other set of issues. She quietly asked: “Is that why you never talk about your family?”

Sam sighed sadly: “Yeah, the last words my dad said to me were: “If you go, don’t come back.” not really heartwarming, is it?”

Dean flopped backwards and said: “Our whole family is shit.”

Sam looked over his shoulder with a surprised look and said: “Didn’t think you would say that.”

Dean shrugged and said: “Doesn’t mean you’re not part of it, Sammy. Just call from time to time, okay? Oh, look there’s the turn.”

Sam turned onto the parking of the motel and Dean got out of the car. Before he slammed the door he said: “Jess, that’s your name right? Yeah, okay, Jess, don’t judge Sam for something he never wanted to be a part of. And Sammy? Sammy you don’t let her go, she’s cool. See you next time, nerd.”

Then he was gone.

Sam sat quietly for a minute then he drove off. They didn’t say anything until they were near San Mateo, then Jess carefully said: “Are you going to call him?”

Sam looked at her and said: “He knows we can’t call each other, he didn’t even give me his number to pretend. We’re never gonna talk again and that’s okay, life happens.”

Jess gave him a pained look, but she didn’t know what to say about it.

Sam asked: “Are we over?”

“No, Sam, we aren’t, just, just be more honest about your life to me, okay?” she said with a sigh.

“Are you gonna tell everyone I broke him out instead of paying a bail that didn’t exist.” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

Jess thought about it for a second. Then she shook her head and told him: “No that’s between you and your brother. I just waited in the car and we had a nice chat about you on the way to his motel, nothing peculiar happened.”

Sam grinned: “What would I do without you?”

Jess smirked back: “Crash and burn.”

When Dean broke in to Sams house two years later, he was glad to see that Sam had listened and hadn’t let Jess go.

#RR writing #supernatural #Supernatural pre-series #Sam Winchester #sam and dean #Sam and dean wierd childhood #dean winchester #Jessica Moore #Stanford-era #supernatual stanford-era

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the-trashy-phoenix · 4 years ago

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Supernatural season 4 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I have finished season 4, finally, and I was surprised I still liked it like the first time I've watched it. I couldn't wait to get there (who knows why?) and I was actually afraid I wouldn't get as excited as I thought I would; but fortunately it still gives me the idea that it is one of the best Supernatural seasons.

It all starts with Dean coming back from hell and being clueless about how he did it. He soon finds out the Angel Of The Lord Castiel held him tight and raised him from perdition and that he has a fundamental role in the intent to stop Lilith's plans to free Lucifer from his cage and unleash the Apocalypse.

Will this review (and probably the next 11 ones) most likely be a little bit biased for Destiel? Definitely. Will I try to stay as objective as I can? Yes, but this doesn't mean I'll be very objective, after all I'm writing this review knowing what is going to happen in the next seasons (and, more precisely, in the scene, you know which one I'm talking about).

I honestly don't even know where to start, so I'm going to comment on what I think is important as the season goes on.

I believe 04x01 is one of the best episodes of this season (and maybe even one of my favourite episodes ever) for several reasons. We have Dean coming back from hell and meeting again with Bobby and Sam (and both of these moments are very touching, especially Sam's one). Although the reunion might be heartwarming, Sam is already keeping secrets from Dean: he is collaborating with Ruby to defeat Lilith (and in the meantime he's using his powers, which are stronger than ever, cause he's drinking demon blood to increase them). He lies to Dean, telling him he stopped trying to use his abilities against the enemy, and that causes the biggest drama between the two brothers this season (that will continue on the next one). Dean (and the others) wants to find out who's trying to contact him and who brought him back from hell: I love the way Castiel is slowly introduced during this episode. At first with the ultrasounds and the handprint (which is definitely a fantastic touch, that kinda shows a little possessive side if you think about it, and it is inevitably funny if you know everything that happens later on), then through Pamela, showing already all his power, and at the end of the episode there's a "dramatic" moment where Dean (and Bobby) finally meets Castiel (in his vessel) for the first time, and this might be one of the most epic and iconic scenes in Supernatural. The dynamic between these two is fantastic from the beginning (am I saying this because I'm totally biased?) and the line "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" shows how Castiel has already understood Dean Winchester from just a look (and he's an angel who's not supposed to feel or understand feelings! Wow, the power of Destiel).

Moving on from this episode, in the second one we find out from Castiel that Lilith wants to break the 66 seals, foretelling the Apocalypse, in order to free Lucifer. On a side note, I like how bitchy Castiel is towards Dean at the beginning of their relationship ("Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier", "You should show me some respect, I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in").

I love episode 04x03 because I usually adore time travel (it often leads to some funny and very unusual situations) and I find this one extremely sad and touching, mostly because Dean has the opportunity to meet his parents when they are still young (and Mary and John's sides he didn't know about) and finds out how their family became cursed (and the worst thing is he can't change its destiny).

In episode 04x04 Dean finds out Sam has been working with Ruby this whole time and gets mad about it, which is pretty reasonable. As much as a part of me hates when Sam and Dean fight, another part of me loves it, especially in this season, and it's probably because I think both of them are right and wrong at the same time. Ruby seems reliable (for now much more than the angels) and Sam truly did some good with her, so it is logical for Sam to trust her, since she apparently hasn't done anything against him and she has also saved him (which Sam confesses to Dean on episode 04x09). On the other hand I understand why Dean wouldn't want his brother to continue his process of strengthening his powers: he's afraid Sam won't be the same. Plus his brother lied to him, so it becomes hard for Dean to trust him, and this episode marks a pretty sad change in their relationship that will only get worse later in the season.

I should also mention 04x07 in which two witches want to bring Samhain, a celtic god, back from the dead. By doing that another of the 66 seals would be broken so Dean and Sam, who were working on the case, are told by Castiel and Uriel (another angel) that Uriel has to destroy the city, since the two brothers can't stop the witches from bringing Samhain back. Dean wants to prevent Uriel from doing a massacre and convince Castiel to wait for a few hours and let them take care of the witches. They can't stop them and Sam confronts Samhain using his powers, although he promised Dean he wouldn't use them anymore. At the end of the episode Castiel confesses to Dean that his orders were to follow Dean's instructions and admits he has doubts towards God. I consider this conversation very important, since this is the first time Castiel lets Dean have a look at his inner thoughts, even if Castiel himself is afraid of them, which gets me thinking that he already trusts Dean.

I also wanted to point out that Dean starts calling Castiel "Cas" pretty soon, even if he doesn’t want to trust him yet (although I believe he already does unconsciously). And what's even funnier is that, by calling him "Cas", he removes from his name the part that means "of God", which kinda gives you already an idea of what it's going to happen to him.

In episode 04x09 we meet Anna, a fallen angel, who doesn't even remember she has ever been one, since now she's human and has lived a human life for years. Dean and Sam meet her because she seems to be capable of getting in contact with the angels and is suddenly wanted from both angels (who want her death because she rebelled from heaven) and demons (one of them is Alastair, who knows Dean from hell). Anna and Dean form a sort of bond and she tells him she fell from heaven because she fell in love with humanity (they also have sex in the Impala, but that's way less relevant, although I want to point out that she covers Castiel's mark on Dean's shoulder with her hand, which is a bit disturbing). They can't stop the angels from coming for her so when they arrive we see a beautiful totally not programmed and still hilarious scene of Dean and Anna kissing and Castiel looking at first intensively at them and then shamefully at the ground. I mean, what was that? I understand that Anna and Castiel are sort of parallels, because they are both two angels falling from humanity (they also talk about feelings and Castiel confesses he has already started having emotions), but isn't it the whole point of Destiel? An angel that falls in love with humanity because of one man (Dean, if that wasn't already obvious)? And we get this concept involuntarily since season four? That's… funny. Apart from all of that, Anna manages to get her grace back and hides from Castiel and Uriel.

Another important element in this episode, and in the whole season, is Dean's experience in hell, in which time works differently (four months equivalent to forty years). He finally tells Sam what it has been like and totally breaks down as he says he has spent thirty years being tortured and, since he couldn't resist anymore, the ten left torturing other souls. He also adds in the next episode, with shame, that in torturing souls he felt pleasure, because all the pain felt as a victim disappeared: this is what devastated him the most. I feel like Dean's time in hell inevitably shaped his personality a lot in this season, but it's a thing that changes him forever. He is more mature and somehow self-aware (and I love this aspect), but he's also way more desperate and hopeless (a trade I think characterises Dean way more than Sam in every season, but that's definitely more persistent in this one than it's ever been). I might be a bit sadistic, but I don't mind the bad parts Dean has kept from hell either: they show us a vulnerable side that Dean has always tried to hide. There's also the evident contraposition between Sam's physical power and apparent strong state of mind and Dean's unstable, weak and soft one (also relative to what Dean's big role is in this season and what Sam is actually capable of doing to prevent the apocalypse).

I'd talk about episode 04x14 just to mention the fact that the siren (who's supposed to turn into the person who should most sexually attract his victim) decides to show himself to Dean as a man. I get he was supposed to replace Sam's role as a brother, but the whole setting, the fact that sirens' attractiveness is usually sexual and the fact that even the actor who played the siren admitted the whole scene was a bit sensual should tell us something (it also seems funny that they had to precise multiple times he was trying to be his brother because otherwise that would have seemed too gay, it still seems gay, but whatever).

In episode 04x16 someone is killing the angels and Castiel asks Dean for help to find out who the killer is. The angels have the demon Alastair captured and Castiel tells Dean he's the only one who can torture him. The angel seems to be really upset about it, because he knows how this could hurt Dean, since this is what he has been doing for the past ten years in hell. Dean decides to do it anyway and he finds out from Alastair, during the torture, that he is the one who has broken the first seal (by deciding to torture souls) and made the first step to bring Lucifer back. This obviously breaks Dean even more, since he already hates what he has done in hell, and makes him believe he's not capable of doing what the angels want from him (and he admits it to Castiel, and in the next episode his superior Zacharia tries to convince Dean he's the right man by showing him that even in other realities he would end up killing monsters). We later find out that the one who killed the angels was Uriel that, hating humans, was on Lucifer's side. He asks Castiel to join him but he refuses and Anna, saving Castiel from a fight with Uriel, kills him. I don't have much thoughts on Uriel, I didn't like him even when he was supposedly on the good side. The only thing I like about him is that he had already acknowledged the fact that Castiel likes Dean (who would've thought?).

I have to mention episode 04x18 as I think is one of my favourites of the season and that starts a series of other fantastic episodes (and basically another reality). Sam and Dean find out their life has been written (and published) by Chuck, who's apparently a prophet of God (and turns out to be quite useful later on). This is one of my favourite things Supernatural likes to do: metanarrative. In my opinion it really brings out something new and extremely funny (especially since I know this won't be the last time the two brothers will have to deal with Supernatural).

Another important episode is 04x19, where Sam and Dean find out they have a stepbrother, Adam, who doesn't know about their dad's secret life of hunting. It's obvious the most hurt by the situation is Dean, who would have never thought John could lie about something like that and who's somehow jealous of Adam, since he had the opportunity to live a normal life that could have been possible for him and Sam as well. The one thing that surprised me was that he didn't want him to learn how to hunt (unlike Sam, who thought it could be a good idea for Adam to know how to protect himself). I think Dean shows how he has changed throughout the years and now believes that, since the kid had the opportunity to live a normal life, he doesn't want him to experience what they have. He's more mature and he has become way better than his father and it's funny how now Sam is the one who thinks more like John (although I think there is still a relevant difference between the two of them, fortunately). We eventually find out that it wasn't Adam, but the monster they were fighting, and that Adam is already dead: at first I was a little bit surprised because I remembered that Adam would be in the next season, but it's Supernatural, so I should be used to it by now.

The next episode is important especially for showing us sides of Castiel's life that were not entirely clear before: in this case we find out how the angel reached out his vessel, Jimmy Novak. As much as I can see why Castiel had to occupy Jimmy's body, it's totally understandable that the man wants to go back to his life and that he doesn't want anything more to do with Castiel and everything about him. I also understand that he doesn't want to be with the Winchesters, although objectively they are right to want to keep him away from his family. In general the situation is definitely complicated and, from Jimmy's point of view, quite tragic. We can also tell Castiel, as much as he is already more empathic than the other angels, is not human and can't quite think like one, even if he has Dean who shows him his perspective. Knowing everything that happens to him later on makes me understand how much he has changed throughout the seasons (and knowing who has made that change possible warms my heart). It was quite strange to see Castiel acting like this since at this point I'm used to the Castiel in the latest seasons, but overall I like him a lot in the earlier ones as well.

At this point of the season, drinking demon blood for Sam has become like a drug and Dean can't continue to let his brother ruin himself like that, so with Bobby he decides to lock him in Bobby's panic room. I understand Dean is scared of what Sam could become and is becoming, but at this point Sam is at a level so high that he can't make it without demon blood, and staying for a long time without it could really hurt him further. It also seems that Sam is the only solution to kill Lilith and end the arrival of the Apocalypse. Of course Dean continues to argue that it's best to exclude Sam from this matter given his status, but Sam runs away and tracks down Ruby, with whom he's been working all season trying to be as discreet as possible so as not to worry Dean.

Sam's series of lies, the concern that he might become a monster, and the close collaboration with Ruby increase Dean's anger and disappointment with his brother throughout the season. He no longer trusts him and this deeply saddens both Sam and Dean himself, because he realizes that something has broken between them by now. As much as Sam may have his good reasons for wanting to work with Ruby (and he has), I think he's handled this situation in the worst possible way and that Dean is right about not trusting him anymore (or maybe I'm just a little conditioned by my love for Dean).

I think another reason that has increased the anger towards Sam is the fact that he has repeatedly admitted that he has been decidedly stronger than Dean since he was in hell. It's probably something they both agree on, but Dean is used to considering himself weak and not strong enough to sustain a certain situation. The thing that saddens Dean the most is the fact that his brother thinks so too.

However, this conflict ends with a fight between the two after Dean is able to find his brother. As much as I'm on Dean's side, I hated it when he called Sam a monster, because he knows that's the biggest fear that haunts his brother and calling it like that must have really destroyed him. After the fight everyone goes for his path: Sam with Ruby and Dean, finally convinced by Castiel, with the angels.

Shortly after, however, he discovers that his real role is not to stop the Apocalypse but to stop Lucifer, because he will be Micheal's vessel, and that when Lilith is killed the last seal will be broken, giving way to the Apocalypse. Dean disagrees with the angels and tries to convince Castiel to side with him and abandon the angels to try to stop the Apocalypse.

The twist itself is well constructed, although in my opinion, to make it even better, they could have shown angels as decidedly more reliable creatures, and then break all our trust (and with it also Dean's hopes). During the end of the season, apart from Castiel, the most reliable one seems to be Ruby. And that's why I think this is a much better twist: Sam completely relied on the demon, who always proved to be there for him, and to kill Lilith seems like the most logical move to make to prevent Lucifer from resurrecting. Even when I knew Ruby was cheating Sam the dynamic seemed so unexpected to me that I didn't even remember how she would do it. On top of that Sam's willingness to kill Lilith (mostly for revenge) and to stop the rise of Lucifer is actually what permits Lucifer to rise. So I can only imagine how guilty Sam felt after he realized what he had done (and the worst but best thing at the same time is that it's not even his fault, not entirely at least). Eventually the two brothers open and close the circle of the Apocalypse's arrival, which adds a touch of perfection to the whole situation.

Dean, after convincing Castiel to side with him, goes to Chuck to find where Lilith, Ruby and Sam are. Castiel transports Dean to Sam and tries to stop the angels who want the Apocalypse to begin, losing his life. This is another great step Castiel takes for Dean against his own brothers, proving that he now considers himself at Dean's side more than any other person's side. Dean arrives too late to stop Sam, who has already killed Lilith, and the fourth season ends with a confused and desperate Sam, an angry and desperate Dean, and Lucifer returning.

In the end I believe that this is the best season of Supernatural so far for several reasons: the arrival of Castiel who adds new aspects both to the Supernatural universe (talking about angels) and to the character of Dean (and later also to that of Sam), the continuous struggle between the two brothers, Ruby's character (which I think has been made quite effectively and which has also improved this season, as well as her relationship with Sam), the plot twist and the change that hell caused in Dean.

Usually this is considered one of the best seasons of Supernatural, and I completely agree, but having seen the series with long time gaps I feel I'll be able to judge only at the end of the fifteenth if this (and the fifth) are actually the best seasons of Supernatural, at least for me.

- Carly 💚

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yuiopiklmn · 4 years ago

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Angel Chapter 2

Word Count: 2380 words

Summary: Angel is about a girl with a secret that she doesn't even know about. Bobby Singer found her when she was only a couple months old. She has an awkward reunion with two of her childhood best friends, and then she is stuck on a hell of a ride till the end of the road.

Pairing: Unknown

Characters: Addison Singer, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, and John (only mentioned)

Warnings: Language and some sexual themes

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Need to catch up:

Background:

Prologue:

Chapter 1:

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Sammy’s POV

“That was fun, it's been a bit since I’ve seen Addi,” I said while smiling brightly.

“No it wasn’t, what the hell was that about,” Dean said angrily as we walked back to the car, “I mean….Addison is here, she’s doing the family business, and she is looking really good doing it.” He slowly smirked while opening his door.

“Dude seriously-” I began before he cut me off.

“What, Sammy?! You know what happened and I miss our relationship and maybe she does too.”

“Dean, she wasn’t wearing the locket you got her, she barely looked at you or even acknowledged you, and you have probably moved on with more one night stands than I can count. Shouldn’t that mean something to you?” I said, inflamed, as the engine roared to life.

“What does it matter to you?” Dean questioned as we drove to town.

“While for starters I kept my promise to Bobby and protected her throughout high school and college, and I was with her while she experienced heartbreak. I know more about her than you do.”

“You know about that Da-” This time I cut him off.

“What about Dad this time, Dean? You can’t use that excuse. I know it’s bullshit that you had these plans and Dad canceled them because he wanted you to go hunting.”

“That’s not wha-”

“No Dean! I have had it with that excuse.” I was almost shouting now, ”You hurt her and that is all there is to it, okay! We will finish this hunt, get me to my interview, and life will go back to normal,” I breathed out.

“Fine, I guess.” Dean rolled his eyes and continued to drive until we reached town to interview Amy.

Meanwhile, Addison just got to her hotel and parked

Addi’s POV

“I can’t believe this! Sammy and I are going to hunt together again just like old times! I’m so excited, but what about Dean? I mean why does he have to be here in the first place?” I asked myself while sitting in the parking lot of the hotel. I pushed my hair back in frustration. I glanced at my glovebox, and opened it while pulling out the small box. Shoving it into my pocket, I quickly went inside to get out of the cold.

The hotel had a musty smell, I would do anything to sleep in my car and avoid attention if it wasn’t so cold outside. I got a key and walked to the designated room. I opened the door and sighed as I fell back onto the bed. I waited for a little bit before taking the small antique box out of my pocket and stroking it with my thumb, staring at the grooves until I collected the courage to open it. I sat up and stared at the inside. There was blood-red felt lining the inside, and on a small pillow slept my locket. I used my shirt to clean off some of the dirt and dust, and I stared at the letters engraved on the front, A + D. I flipped it in my hand to see the anti-possession symbol on the back. The locket was made of metal, and the engravings were sloppy and you could see where the knife Dean used to write, scratched the metal.

“Why did you break me so much?” I opened the locket and flipped through the 5 photo slots. The first two had family photos: me, the boys, my dad, and John Winchester. The second was taken on April 23rd. It was prom night, with me my date, none other than Dean Winchester himself. My eyes started to water as dark blue flashed in my eyes, then an angry red. I decided to put the silver locket on for the memory, texted Sam the address, and passed out on the bed.

Dream/Flashback

April 23rd, 1997, I smiled to myself as I read the circled date on the calendar. Today was the day my boyfriend of a year and a half, Dean Winchester, was going to take me to prom. He has been one of my best friends since I was 6 years old. He is two years older than me which is fine, but to some, it might seem strange that an 18-year-old is taking a 15-year-old to prom, but that’s because my birthday is in July and his birthday is in January, so it's not weird to us since I'm turning 16.

I went over to my closet and opened the door to find my glamorous dress. It was a dark blue that had some sparkle, off the shoulder sleeves, and was very long and flowy. I absentmindedly started to twiddle with my locket that he gave me for our first anniversary. I was so excited for tonight. I ran to the bathroom and made a lot of noise, apparently, because before I knew it my dad was standing in front of me with his arms crossed.

“Addison you are being quite loud and I’m trying to do research,” he said sternly.

“I know but I can’t help it, it's prom can’t you just stop researching you know everything already, and maybe help your daughter with getting ready.”

“You know I’m not the best at hair or makeup, I can’t really help you.”

“I know dad, but there are other things to do, like get the boutonniere for Dean maybe.”

“Okay I’ll do it, I'll be back in a few, I should get a navy one right.”

“It’s more cobalt/ royal blue.”

“Okay, I’ll go get your royal blue flowers, ya idjit.”

“I’m not the idjit here, I'm the one that knows the difference between blues.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I’ll go and get your flower thing.” He muttered as he walked back down the stairs.

While he was gone I was able to finish my makeup, which was quite neutral, nothing too special, and started to curl my hair. Soon I heard the door open and close and Bobby yelled up to me that he was home with the boutonniere. I finished my hair, and ran back over to my room, tripping on the way over to put on my dress. I was struggling with my silver heels as I heard the doorbell ring. Then I heard HIM. Dean, the man I am mesmerized by, while he was talking to Bobby. I smiled widely as I walked to the top of the stairs. I heard a conversation going on below about a promise to keep me safe or whatever. I was too excited to be bothered by the details. I slowly descended down the steps, watching my feet so that I wouldn’t fall. Right, when I got off the stairs and looked up I was met with the forest green eyes that I love more than the world itself. We both smiled at each other while inching closer.

“You look amazing Addi, you truly are one of a kind.” He said with an even bigger smile. His voice cracked a bit like he didn’t know if he should say it or not in front of my dad.

I blushed while I said, “You look so...” I looked at Bobby scared that I might get in trouble, but he nodded showing he didn’t care, “so handsome Dean I could just kiss you right now.”

“What’s holding you back?” He said with a smirk on his face.

“My dad,” I whispered to him as my eyes glanced in my dad’s direction. He heard me, as clear as day, and turned to face the wall instead while letting out a disappointed sigh. We kissed, and it was one of my favorites so far. The love and excitement and-the...the moment was cut off with a cough from Bobby saying that was enough of that. We took pictures and I put on Dean’s boutonniere while he put on my corsage. As we were about to walk out the door I heard my dad call both of our names. We spun around to face him.

“What’s the plan kiddos because you have a curfew, Addison Singer?” He sounded mad like he didn’t want us to do anything which I doubt we would, buuuut we might.

“Well the dance itself starts at 8:30 pm, Bobby, and I was thinking of going to dinner, that's why I’m picking her up at 5 pm so that we can eat. I know her curfew is 11 pm sharp and I promise not to be late, and finally, the dance ends at 10:45 pm.” Dean said in a tone that shows that he must’ve practiced this, he clearly planned every detail including this speech.

“All I say is that you are back here either before 11 or at 11 on the dot. One more thing NO FUNNY BUSINESS Winchester, or you are dead! Hunted and killed by me because that is my daughter. It's a stretch enough that I’m letting you date her and take her to your prom, but I trust your dad and your family. Don’t mess this up, boy.” I looked at my dad pissed but scared before turning my head to Dean.

“Yes sir, no killing will be necessary.” He stood firm and then relaxed as he saw my face while he turned to face me. He linked his arm with mine and we walked out the door. Right when the door was closed I quickly said,

“Sorry about dad, he is super overprotective.” I facepalmed while he answered,

“I know, and don’t worry about it. I planned this all in my head.”

“I don’t think you planned the night correctly because the dance ends at 10pm.”

“I know I have stuff planned, sweetheart don’t worry about it.” I blushed at the nickname while looking down and then as I looked up I saw the impala.

“Your dad is letting you take Baby!” There was excitement in my voice.

“Of course babe she is my car now, my dad took another car on his little hunting trip.”

I got excited and ran to the door, but Dean beat our little race, that I didn’t know we were having, so that he could open the door for me. I got in while he closed the door and then he got into the driver seat. He put in our mixtape that had all of our favorite songs on it, and we just jammed all the way to the diner. Once we got there, Dean said his name for the reservation he had, and we got seated. Dean was hit on by the waiter and he completely ignored it while we continued eating. We finished eating and then left to get to prom since it was about to start.

When we got there, there was a long line to get in because of the ticket situation, but it went by fast and soon enough we got in. We got there and went to the dance floor and partied like animals. It was a magical night of laughter, smiles, slow dances, and a few kisses here and there. I absolutely loved it, but the night at the dance came to an end since we left early. Dean had other plans and I could tell by the look in his eye. The look he has had since the moment we started dating, the look he had the moment I walked down those stairs, the look he has had every time we are together. The look of lust. I may not know where we are going, but I know what we are doing.

TIME SKIP

We got to a little spot near nothing really except a couple trees. A song on the mixtape played and it was the very last song, a song we never got to. Things got heated pretty fast and let's just say that backseat is amazing in more ways than one, and Dean...DAMN SON!!!! He is truly something special. This was mine, as well as his, first time. I was shocked when he told me that because he is good. It is only 10:30 and we are back on the road. He never told me why, but I feel like something more was supposed to happen like there was more to this night. Before I knew it we were back at my house. We both went inside, Bobby wasn't around and I needed to freshen up, so that Bobby doesn’t get suspicious.

I ran upstairs and quickly went into my room, while tripping of course, and sprayed on some perfume while fixing my hair. Since I was upstairs I took off my shoes. While I was slipping off the second one I heard a familiar engine roar to life. I looked out my window and saw Baby’s headlights on. I was confused so I ran back downstairs and saw Sammy on the couch doing homework.

“Sammy? What are you doing here, and where is Dean?”

“He left with dad,” he went silent before looking up at me, “Did he not tell you he was leaving?”

“No he didn’t, but it's okay he will be back right?”

“I think so, but when dad goes away he isn’t back for a bit.”

I gave a fake smile, and I turned to go back upstairs before I heard Sammy say, “Don’t worry Addi, I will always be here no matter what, I promise you, just like we promised.”

I nodded while I realized what the boys promised to my dad at the beginning of the night, well what Dean promised clearly Sam gave his promise recently. I slowly made my way back up the stairs, and I heard Bobby’s voice say my name faintly. I was clenching my locket as I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and realized I was crying. I wiped my tears away, even though more kept coming. I whispered to myself, “Always and forever more like never.” I washed my face and changed out of my dress and into pajamas. I went into the covers and hid my head while holding my locket and crying silently to myself. There may be two Winchester brothers but only one knows how to keep a promise.

A/N: Still trying to work out a posting schedule. My editor is in AP classes, so she hasn’t had a lot of time to edit, so now I have to edit all of it. Sorry if this chapter seemed long. I changed the ending a bit from my original idea. I hope you liked it and I can’t wait to edit more since I have the next couple chapters written. I just have to edit them now. See you in the next chapter my bumblebees. Buh-bye!!!

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #spn #hunting #saving people hunting things #angel #original character #addison singer #story #original story #good story to read

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years ago

Text

You Send Me: Chapter Four

Some NSFW intimacy, a concert, and the breaking of that first rule mentioned in the last chapter, because honestly, how long could you really keep a relationship secret from bandmates you’re that close to? But props to Freddie and the reader for trying!

Also, as this is an AU, I’m letting myself mess about with dates as needed, so if you’re looking at the tour listing for this year in the US and going ‘hey what’, my apologies lol. I’ll try and make mention of what city they’re in here and there to help keep a notation on where in that tour timeline we are.

In regards to the intimacy, I admit it was informed by my own experiences and some of my feelings, so it may not be one hundred percent one size fits all, if you will, but I tried to go as general as I could, for a FtM reader who is on T and has had top sx (I haven’t yet but dang it this fic is wish fulfillment for me too lol) but isn’t having bottom sx. Hopefully it will still read well and be interesting and good regardless, and since this is my first go at it I only hope to improve as time goes on (because I’m having fun writing this, and might well write another Freddie x trans FtM reader fic after this one is done!)

@xmxisxforxmaybe requested a tag on this, so consider this a start of a tag list for this fic! I’ve never done that before on a fic, so it’s a pretty cool landmark for me! If anyone else would like to be tagged on future chapters of this fic, just send me an ask or a message and I can add you!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

You woke to the sound of the shower running, and realized it must have been later than you anticipated. Part of you wondered what questions you might meet during the concert setup; namely, the rest of the crew asking where on earth you had spent the night. The other part of you just hoped they maybe hadn’t been paying attention or looking for you, and they wouldn’t ask at all.

In any case, any worries evaporated as Freddie stepped back into the room, and your brain briefly and wonderfully short-circuited.

His hair was still dripping, and aside from the towel tied around his waist, there was plenty to take in. Granted, you had seen it last night, but you didn’t think the joy of seeing him relaxed, happy, and disrobed would fade anytime soon, if ever.

He was just so...tiny. Muscular, but lithe, with hair covering his chest (a particular favorite thing of yours that made your heart beat fast) and a happy trail you resisted the urge to trace with your eyes (that made your heart beat even faster.)

He caught your gaze and smirked. “Going to blink, or have I broken you?”

“I’ve been blinking,” you protested with a laugh as you finally blinked and let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“Your turn, if you can tear your eyes away,” Freddie teased before letting himself drop onto the bed, head tossed back and eyes closed as he lounged.

“If we didn’t have a show to do, I wouldn’t,” you said. “But, considering I haven’t even checked the time...”

“We have two hours,” Freddie said, then cackled as you shot off the bed and like a rocket into the bathroom. “I was kidding! We have three!”

“That isn’t better!” you shouted back as you hurried to shower. “God, they must be wondering where we are.”

“Probably just wondering what we’re up to,” Freddie shouted over the sound of the water. “And that’s none of their business, so nothing to worry about.”

“Is it really that easy?”

“I think it can be if we just say that it is,” Freddie replied. “And ignore any badgering they do to us for information.”

“You make it sound really easy,” you said as you finished, grabbed the last clean towel, and wrapped it around your waist.

You weren’t thinking about Freddie seeing you like this as you came out, only going through your racing thoughts over what needed to be done for the concert that night. They kept you occupied, even as he stood, walked over to you, and plucked delicately at the edge of your towel.

“We have three hours.”

That broke your focus, the feeling of his finger against your hip, working to slowly pull open your towel.

“We should talk,” you said. “Before. I mean. I don’t...”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Freddie said. “And it wasn’t your friend’s intention, I don’t think, when he told us more of the...let’s say specifics, of your transition, to make you uncomfortable or to be out of line, he meant nothing bad by it, I promise.”

You breathed a sigh of relief. “So you know then...I haven’t had and don’t plan on getting bottom surgery.”

“Right,” Freddie said. “And that’s fine.”

“Really?” you asked. It wasn’t that it was bad that he was fine with it, it was great in fact, you just hadn’t been sure how he might react or what his feelings on the matter might have been.

“Would you be in my room, and would I be trying to get this damned thing off of you if it wasn’t?” Freddie asked as he continued to fuss with your towel. “For fuck’s sake, did you knot it? And if so, where? And how?”

You laughed, and help push at the other side of it until it fell.

“Are we really going to be done and ready in three hours?” you asked with a smirk as he led you back to the bed, slipping off his own towel as he did.

“Not if we did everything I had planned,” Freddie smiled. “But we can get to some of it, at least.”

‘Some of it’ was more kissing (and god how was he this good of a kisser? Was there anything he could do badly?), and the realization that his fingers were just as talented elsewhere as they were on the piano, enough that you finally had to grab his wrist to let him know you needed a moment.

He grinned at that, only for it to drop as he gasped at the touch of your hand on his cock.

“Hold on,” he reached over you to the bedside table, for a small bottle of lube that had been tossed in the drawer there discreetly (not really, you and Freddie had made pointed eye contact when he’d put it there) when you’d first settled into the room.

“Three hours?” you giggled. “You do remember that’s all the time we have, right?”

He set the lube beside you before pulling you in for a kiss, just as the door to the room popped open.

“Ah! I told you I could get it-” Roger waltzed in, a bobby pin and what looked to be a half-broken key in his hand. “And I am not the only one ‘getting it’ apparently. You do know what time it is, right?”

Freddie flushed, yanking the blanket over the two of you. “We have at least two hours le-”

“You would have that,” Brian interrupted as he walked in, covering his eyes, stumbling into the furniture as he went. “But I’m willing to bet you forgot about the difference in time zones. Did you?”

“I did,” Roger admitted. “Bri here was the shining, annoying beacon of light that came to wake me up.”

Brian snagged Freddie’s watch from the chair at the other side of the bed, and tossed it to Freddie. “See? Off by two hours still.”

“So...” you started. “In other words, we need to move extremely fast and meet you in the lobby right away?”

“Couldn’t have said it any better myself,” Brian replied. “And I still have to see if John is done yet. I mean honestly, how long does it take to do your hair, really?”

“You? You’re the one saying that?!” Roger scoffed as he followed Brian out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

Freddie’s head thumped down against your shoulder as he moaned in frustration. “I would say sorry, but-”

“I should probably get used to that?” you giggled. “It’s fine, we’ll find more time later.”

“Says the person who doesn’t have to figure how to put on trousers with this,” Freddie said, gesturing down to his half-hard cock.

“If we had more time, I would help with it, I swear,” you said, dragging yourself out of the bed and wrangling random clothes from your bag on the floor.

“I believe you, but we should have had that time now,” Freddie sighed. “How mad would Brian be if we...”

“Freddie,” you scolded gently. “We’d be keeping the fans waiting more than anyone else, probably.”

“Good point,” he muttered, climbing out of the bed with a groan. “We are getting time to ourselves though, somehow.”

“We’ll figure it out,” you replied, waiting for him to finish dressing, only for him to stop and stare at you once he reached the zipper of his trousers.

It took a moment, then it clicked. “Really? All because I’m still standing here, you can’t...calm down enough...”

You failed to bite back a laugh, and he cocked his head. “Why is that funny?”

“Because we’re in a rush, and because I have never caused that reaction in anyone, ever before,” you replied. “So I’m a bit tickled, honestly, even though I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t here seeing it myself.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I hardly doubt this is the first time you’ve put someone in this...situation.”

“If there was a time before, they should have let me know,” you said.

His gaze softened, and he seemed to realize exactly how serious you were. “Well, then there are people who’ve been missing out. But better for me, because then I get you to myself.”

“You do,” you agreed. “Shall I meet you down there?”

----

In the van, on the way to the venue, he slipped his hand into yours, hidden by the table in the van that currently held an active-but-temporarily-paused Scrabble game.

It was hard to let go of him as you all piled out of the van, only to be met by the venue owner, swearing up a storm.

“Rats!” he practically shouted at John, who had the unfortunate position of being the first person ahead in the group.

“You have them, or you have a plan that’s been thwarted?” John chuckled and grinned, only for it to drop as a vein in the venue owner’s head stuck out. “I take it this is a problem for our show?”

“Well, I don’t know,” the venue owner laughed sarcastically. “I found out from the workers that in addition to damage from the last show, there’s also water damage and fucking rats, eating my stage! They’ve had a fucking rat pool party for years underneath my stage! I’m never going to fucking recover from this!”

Everyone stopped and stared at one another. This wasn’t exactly your problem, and there was no way to give the man a solution, but there was the problem of eager fans waiting for a show.

“I’ve been turning people away since the last hour,” the venue owner said weakly. “I told them I would see about arranging refunds, or seeing if you can come back and perform at a later date, once I’ve got this bullshit fixed up. I’m so sorry.”

Roger stepped forward. “No, it’s alright. I mean, this is bad, but if you didn’t know about all this damage until now...not much you or anyone else can do. I’m sure we can figure something out.”

You joined the rest of the crew back near the van while the band talked business with the venue owner, impatiently waiting to see what would happen next.

“If we get a move on now, we can be in the next city early,” one tech remarked. “Have a bit of free time again.”

“We just got a fucking day off,” Crystal said. “If you wanted an American vacation, then this was the wrong tour to come on.”

“I didn’t fucking say that, did I?” argued the tech. “Don’t put words in my mouth just because you’re pissed about this. We’re all upset.”

“It’s true,” you added. “This isn’t good for any of us, not the venue, not the fans.”

“Oh, lovely. The bitch fucking the lead singer is going to preach at us,” the tech scoffed, and your heart stopped cold.

“I-”

Even Crystal seemed to realize it was a step too far, and held up a hand. “Hey. What any one of us decides to do with the band is our own business, yeah? As long as it doesn’t conflict or cause a problem. You guys don’t know everything I’ve gotten up to with Rog, right? Not ever fucked him, I mean, that’s not my speed, but...you get what I’m saying?”

You all nodded, and you resisted the urge to cry, even as tears threatened to fall. If it wasn’t one thing, it would have been another. You were the new kid, taking up space, slow to learn, and fucking up their usual ways of running a tour. This was just a part of becoming a proper member of the crew, surely.

“Thank you,” you managed to mumble to Crystal as the band started to walk back over to the van.

“Not a problem,” Crystal replied. “Ignore them, okay? They’re just in shit moods because of this, and half of ‘em might even be jealous. Not for the fucking, I mean, but the closeness, you know? Everybody wants to have a story at the end of the day, wants to be able to say they know something special about the bands they’ve worked for.”

“I really like him,” you said. “I’m not just with him to get ‘a story’ out of it.”

“You’re young,” Crystal said, and sighed, then left it at that as he climbed into the van.

Freddie didn’t ask anything when you were all in and on the road, but you could tell he wanted to ask what had happened. In equal manner, you were eager to know what agreement had been reached with the venue. If you would be returning and it would be the new last stop of the tour, you wouldn’t mind a mini vacation there with him, if he was up for it.

And frankly, the rest of the crew could sit and spin if they had an issue with that.

It was dark when the van finally stopped again, and you stumbled out of it only to find yourself at a truck stop.

“We’re ahead of schedule, apparently,” Freddie yawned as he stepped out beside you. “You slept through us getting back to the hotel, so I grabbed your things. I’ve never seen you in that green top, why don’t you wear it more?”

“Too bright to wear backstage,” you replied, thinking of the gauzy, electric-green button-up in your suitcase. You had packed it as a back-up, knowing it would likely never get worn anyway, but you would have it just in case you somehow couldn’t do laundry or ran out of everything else.

“Fuck that,” Freddie said, then yawned again. “Wear it before a show then, when we’re on the road. That color must look lovely on you.”

“It does, or so I’m told,” you said, and he raised a brow.

“By my mum,” you continued dryly. “I wore it to a family event once to cause a stir. Think it was more of a stir that I showed up at all.”

He opened his mouth, you figured to ask more about that, but Roger interrupted with a clap of his hands.

“Use the bathroom, then get back on. We’ve got another hour to New Haven.”

Everyone groaned in tired solidarity, and Roger laughed. “I know, I know. But we’ll get a little bit of time at the hotel, to sleep in an actual bed. That’s exciting, right?”

“Depends on whether or not you’re going to keep breaking into my room,” Freddie answered.

“Stop having such easily breakable locks,” Roger replied as he followed Freddie back onto the bus.

“That is hardly within my control!” you heard Freddie laugh back, and you pondered if any of the furniture in the next hotel would be movable, and would fit in front of the room door.

If nothing else, you would try putting up the Do Not Disturb sign anyway.

#text post #LeeH writes #Queen band fic #freddie mercury x reader #freddie mercury x male reader

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delta-roseblr · 5 years ago

Note

I absolutely love the last prompt, but that made me think about what would happen if Will or Nico where the ones to walk in on them? I think Will would want to crave into a hole and die. It would be so hilarious. If you ever write something like that it would make my day! Thanks 💖

Hello, Anon.

And hello everyone else!

First, I originally got this prompt following the fic where Wash and Watts walked in on Dean and Felix making out at prom and really ran with the idea. That being said, around the same time another lovely follower, @lua-bruma sent me an amazing illustration she created and challenged me to write a fic based on the illustration. The picture and this prompt went together so well I just combined the two.

I will include @lua-bruma‘s illustration at the bottom of this fic.

Dean pulled up and parked outside hisaunt’s house. Felix was pretty excited about the invite to Solace familyThanksgiving, at least more excited than he had been the year before. Thatwasn’t that surprising because being there with his dad was nothing to becompared to being there with Dean. Still, with all Leonard’s stupid rules aboutwhen Felix could see Dean (and where, how, and what he could do) he wouldrather skip all the turkey and stuffing and spent the day in Dean’s bed. He hadreally tried to convince Dean to do so, and he was pretty sure that Dean wastempted, but in the end, he didn’t give in.

They climbed out of the car, and Deanpractically ran to catch up with him so they could hold hands on the way to thedoor. Naomi Solace lived in the middle of town in one of those little peoplefarms were the houses were way too close together. The risk of people seeingthem holding hands was so high Dean would have never done that before, butsince Felix had sort of kiss ambushed him at school a few days earlier they justdidn’t have to worry about that anymore. School was definitely different nowthat people knew, but it was well worth it to not have to hide.

Yeah, Felix was all for all the cutelittle public displays they could now engage in, but that didn’t make Dean anyless of a dork because he fucking looked at their hands and blushed. Thequestion became who was more of a dork, the dork or the guy head over heels inlove with the dork?

They made it to the front door, and Deangave a quick knock before pushing it open and walked in tugging Felix behindhim. That was the thing about the Solace family, everything was so open.Felix’s family was never like that, so it seemed strange to him, but he waspretty sure he liked it better.

They were just through the doorway whenDean’s aunt immerged from the kitchen, pulling off an apron as she went. Felixknew Ms. Solace from school even though he didn’t have her for English. She haddated his dad too, but she had rarely come around the house or anything whenshe did. He was used to her looking a certain way when he saw her at school.She looked like a normal teacher. Seeing her outside of school was a totallydifferent thing, not that she looked all that different at that moment, but herwhole aura was different.

She tossed her apron over the couch as shecame to greet them with a bright smile. “Oh Dean,” she exclaimed happily, “You’rehere on time!” She sounded so surprised by that fact as she pulled Dean intowhat looked like a brutal looking hug. After a minute, she released Dean fromher grasp and turned to Felix with the same bright smile. “Felix, I’m glad youcould make it,” she stated before giving Felix a quick hug.

Felix didn’t know they were at the huggingphase yet, but that didn’t mean he didn’t hug back. When she pulled back, shedid that southern thing where she patted his cheek affectionately. It was akind gesture and one that made Felix a little uncomfortable. Dean’s family wasjust so cool about everything. Felix could deal with John because it was John,but with Naomi it was different. She was more like a normal parent. Every timeshe was nice to him, Felix felt bad for how his parents dealt with everything.His mom was cool enough except that she went way overboard with what she calledsupport, but his dad was a complete dick.

Felix tried not to be too fucking awkwardas he tried to sound gracious. “Thanks for the invite, Ms. Solace.”

“Naomi,” she reminded with a soft smile.

She had been so nice to him since shefound out that he and Dean were dating. Well, she had been nice for the mostpart. She had overheard Felix cursing at school a month or two ago and hadgiven him the most unpleasant lecture of his life. Otherwise, she had beenalmost motherly to him. She checked in with him subtly during school to makesure things at home were okay. She never said anything, at least not to Felix,but she seemed prepared to offer Felix a place to stay if Leonard became toomuch of an ass about the fact he and Dean were dating. She kept insisting thatFelix could call her Naomi, but it felt weird. The fact that she was so niceonly made Felix feel weirder about calling her by her first name. “You onlyneed to call me Ms. Solace at school.”

“Um,” Felix hummed. He could tell that shewanted him to call her Naomi right then, but he couldn’t do it. It was just toofucking weird. “Okay.”

“Both you and Will,” Ms. Solace declaredwith a chuckle as she turned to Dean to pat his cheek affectionately, “Bringinghome boys who refuse to call me by my name.”

She really didn’t seem bothered. Actually,if anything she seemed amused by it, which was kind of sweet, Felix guessed.The fact that Dean also seemed amused was less sweet, but Felix was going tolet it go. There was no point in calling him an asshole when he was only goingto be home for a week. Also, Felix wanted to get laid at some point and wasn’tlooking to shot himself in the foot.

“Sorry?” Dean replied uncertainty.

Naomi just shook her head like it was afunny family joke or something as she stepped out of the doorway. “Come on in,both of you,” she ordered but in a friendly way. He and Dean did as they weretold and stepped into the house. Ms. Solace watched them enter and then lookedout the door like she was expecting someone else. “Where is your father?”

She was definitely talking to Deanbecause Leonard was not invited to the Solace house for Thanksgiving this year.“Um, he was a bit slow to get up this morning,” Dean explained. He was clearlypicking his words very carefully, so if Felix had to guess he would assume Johnwas hungover as fuck. Dean hadn’t mentioned it, but that was hardly an event inhis house. Dean just shrugged, “I had to pick up Felix, but I would guess heand Bobby will be along soon.”

Ms. Solace shut the front door and hummedthoughtfully for a moment. “I really shouldn’t be surprised, John has neverbeen a morning person,” she admitted finally.

Felix had to admit he wondered what it hadbeen like when Ms. Solace and John were younger because they were just sodifferent. While he had never had Ms. Solace as a teacher, he heard that shewas quite challenging but still fair. Even though she was a very unmarried womanin the south with a kid, she didn’t seem like the reckless or impulsive type.She had dated Felix’s dad for Christ’s sake, and that man was about as boringas dirt. Of course, she had also hooked up with a Greek god, so it was possiblethat she had simply had her fill of interesting and attractive men. John, onthe other hand, was what people liked to call a free spirit when they weretrying to be nice about it. The fact that he had hooked up with Apollo was notshocking in the least because that was a very John thing to do. How the twosiblings could get along, Felix didn’t know, but they were actually reallyclose. It was a fascinating contradiction, to say the least.

“Still not ideal,” Dean’s aunt admitted.

“Is there something we could help with?”Dean was quick to ask. He sounded so damned eager, which was just so Dean to anabsolute T that Felix had to smile a little. He had really been missing thingslike that with Dean away at school.

Of course, there were other things Felixhad been missing too. “Do you need us to pick anything at the store orsomething?” he questioned and was damn proud that he didn’t come acrosssounding overly excited at the prospect.

Felix remembered Thanksgiving when hisparents were together, and his mom always had to pick up something last minutefrom the store. That was pretty much just as much of a tradition as the pumpkinpie. And if he and Dean had to run out and they just happened to find a nicesecluded spot to pull over and fool around a little, well that was just a rewardfor being helpful.

“Oh that is a sweet offer,” Ms. Solacedeclared sincerely, “I’ve actually already sent the boys to the store.” She wasquiet for a moment, almost like she forgot they were there before snapping backto reality. “Would you mind watching all the food while I run out really quick?”she asked, and before they could even think to respond she added, “All you haveto do is watch and maybe stir.”

“Of course,” Dean assured with adismissive little wave of his hand, “I could definitely handle that.”

Felix didn’t miss the I in that statement,and he knew that wasn’t just Dean’s southern manners showing through. The Solacefamily was just full of amazing cooks (except for Will, apparently), but Deanknew Felix was nowhere near that skilled. He could fumble his way through boxedmacaroni and cheese or ramen noodles and that was about it. Dean had once askedhim to watch the onions that he was sautéing, and it had not ended well. Afterthat, although Dean never said it aloud, Felix had been banished to kitchentasks that did not involve actually cooking, like chopping or doing the dishes.Felix was fine with that too because he had no illusions about his lack ofskill.

“Thank you,” Dean’s aunt declared as shegrabbed her purse off a nearby table, “I should be back in no more than tenminutes.”

She ran out the door without saying muchelse, which left Dean and Felix to themselves. Finally a little privacy,Felix thought, but before he could suggest they could actually use that totheir advantage Dean was already heading to the kitchen.

Felix followed because he literally didn’tknow what else to do. Ms. Solace was very nice, and it was kind of her toinvite him along for Thanksgiving, but he still felt a little like an intruderin her house, especially when Dean wasn’t right next to him. As soon as hestepped into the kitchen, he was overtaken by all the best food smells. “Wow, itall smells so good!”

“It’s a kitchen on Thanksgiving,” Deancommented with evident amusement. He was lifting the lid off pots and peekingat their contents as he continued to speak, “If it didn’t smell good, I’d beworried.”

Felix could have reminded Dean that hismother wasn’t much of a cook beyond the basics, so Thanksgiving in the Jacksonresidence growing up wasn’t all that impressive, but he didn’t. He would muchrather focus on the present.

“Yes, but I also get the extra benefit ofwatching my boyfriend being domestic,” Felix commented as he eyed Dean standingnear the stove. He always liked watching Dean in the kitchen, and he didn’tquite know why. Maybe it was the potential in it. God(s) knew that when he andDean ended up living together, Felix wouldn’t be doing any of the cooking. “Ithink I like it more than the food.”

“Oh really?” Dean questioned in anexaggerated way that made Felix know he just loved the attention and praise. Hepicked up a spoon off the counter and started stirring the contents of one ofthe pots. As he stirred, he peeked over his shoulder and smirked back at Felixwickedly, “Well, if you go to Berkeley, you can enjoy that sight more often.”

Felix made a show of rolling his eyes likehe was annoyed even though he wasn’t even close. “Subtle,” he commented as hewalked over to lean against the counter so he could be close to Dean as heworked but not in the way.

Dean had recently developed a newsuperpower, and it was turning any conversation about where Felix would go tocollege. More specifically, Dean could turn any conversation into a fifty-pointthesis on how Felix should go to Berkeley. It was honestly impressive thenumber of legitimate reasons Dean could come up with, and how easily he managedto fit them into almost every conversation. Felix was pretty much used to it atthis point.

Dean replaced the lid of one pot beforelifting the lid of another. He peaked at the contents quickly before looking upat Felix and grinning wickedly. “Not what I was going for,” Dean declaredwithout shame.

Felix could have rolled his eyes again. Hecould have pointed out that he didn’t want to follow Dean to college like alost puppy or listen to Dean talk about how good Berkeley’s computer scienceprogram was. Dean was right too. Berkeley’s program was pretty fuckingincredible, and that opinion wasn’t just based on all the brochures that Deankept sending him.

Felix could point out just how much hisdad would freak out if Felix went to the same school as Dean. Of course, if(and when) Felix brought that point up Dean was quick to reason that Felix’smom would be the voice of reason since Berkeley was such a good school. Yeah,Felix could have brought up any or all of those things up, and he had plenty oftimes in the past. He could only have the same conversation so many times.Besides, things had changed a bit since the last time he and Dean had talkedabout it.

Felix gripped the counter with both handsand used that grip to heave himself up so the was sitting on the countertop. Hemade a show of peeking into the pot that currently had Dean’s attention. Itlooked like gravy, and it smelled absolutely fucking delicious. He dared to diphis finger into the pot just enough to get a bit of the fluid on the tip of hisfinger, examined it there for a second, and licked it off. It tasted evenbetter than it smelled, which was fucking impressive.

“Then you will be happy to hear that Isubmitted my application a few weeks ago,” Felix commented in the most casualand off-handed way he could muster as he made a show of looking back in thepot.

Felix didn’t need to look at Dean to knowhe was staring at him. He could feel his eyes on him just like he could feelhim stop mid-motion. “You’re serious?” Dean questioned with a sudden nervousenergy that wasn’t really like him.

Felix looked up to meet Dean’s gaze andwasn’t surprised by what he saw. Wild hope was written all over Dean’s face. Itwas the thing that Felix had been worried about and was probably why he hadn’tmentioned it yet. “It doesn’t mean I’ll get in or that I’ll go there if I do,”he pointed out sharply. It was a total fucking buzzkill, he knew, but it was awarning that Dean needed to hear. Dean, for his part, did seem to at least tryto reign in some of his visible excitement. “But yes, I applied,” he admittedbefore shooting Dean a fake begrudging look before asking, “Happy?”

Dean grinned ear to ear as he replied,“Extremely.”

Dean stepped away from the stove leavingthe spoon he had been stirring with to sit haphazardly in the pot of gravy toapproach Felix. His hands landed on Felix’s thighs and slowly slide upward ashe moved closer. Felix opened his legs to make room for him to come even closer,and he took every advantage. Even when Dean was standing as close as he could possiblyget - like his pelvis had to be jammed into the counter - Dean kept his handson Felix’s thighs. He did something between a rub and grip at Felix’s fleshythighs in the most seductive way as he admitted, “I feel a little likeChristmas has come early.”

Felix could have told Dean he wasridiculous, but he was just so fucking cute about it, he couldn’t help butsmile. “Good,” he declared before leaning into kiss Dean.

It was meant to be a quick thing, but Deanapparently had different plans. Instead of letting Felix pull away from thekiss, he pressed his lips against Felix more insistently turning the quick kissinto something hotter and more intense. Felix was far from complaining aboutthe attention. It was something he had been craving since the moment Dean hadgotten home. He kissed back happily and probably more eagerly than he should havebeen proud of.

As they continued to kiss, Dean’s handsbegan to wander from Felix’s thighs and toward his back. Dean’s aunt’s kitchenwas so not the fucking place, but Dean’s hands on his ass felt good, so Felixcouldn’t even fucking care. Or at least that was the case until Dean grippedhim and pulled him forward in one swift motion, so that they were pressedtogether.

Felix had absolutely no control over themoan that escaped him. Dean took that as a sign that he should start kissing atFelix’s throat in the most overwhelmingly sexy way fucking possible.

“Naughty,” Felix only barely managed topant out.

“Are you complaining?” Dean questionedwith his lips still so close to Felix’s throat that he could still feel his hotbreath against his skin sending chills down Felix’s spine.

Again, it so wasn’t the place, but thatdidn’t stop him from using his thighs to grip at Dean’s waist more tightly. “Notin the slightest,” he admitted.

Dean caught his lips, and they werekissing again. It was like the flood gates opened on the months they had barelyseen each other. They clearly lost track of all things that weren’t each otherbecause neither of them was aware that people had entered the kitchen untilWill spoke.

“Oh, come on,” Will declareddisapprovingly. Dean jumped away from Felix, and they both turned toward thedoorway to see Will, Nico, and Cecil standing there. “Not near the food,” Willstated in the same disappointed tone before walking toward refrigerator withthe grocery bags he was carrying. Apparently, he was already disinterested inwhat he had caught Felix and Dean doing.

“Gods,” Cecil laughed, “They are just asbad as you two,” he commented looking between Will and Nico with amusement.

“We are not that bad,” Will defendedoverdramatically. If he was trying to be taken seriously, he was reallyundercut by Nico looking unconvinced behind him.

Again, illustration is by @lua-bruma

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gertshortforgertricia · 5 years ago

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So. It's no longer 2013 but I'm here once again to exhortate (is that a valid word, doesn't matter because it is now) about Dean Winchester. As is plenty obvious from my page, he is my favourite character on "Supernatural" and pretty much anywhere. That's not to say that Sam and Cas are NOT good, of course not. They're amazing, and I'd wager that Dean Winchester would be the first to tear me a new one if I ever said otherwise.

Now that, that's said, here's the thing: just because they're "heroes", the "good guys", our favourites, doesn't mean they don't have flaws. Obviously, they do. They can lash out ("I'd want to hunt you"), say hurtful things ("freak, monster"//"yeah? why does that always seem to be you?" etcetera), make rash decisions (allowing Gadreel to possess Sam, to heal him),, [notice by the way, these are all Dean examples,, I'm trying to prove a point, here] but at the end of the day, they're human. Sam and Cas also have their share of less-than-great decisions and choice of words. Still, through it all TFW manage to forgive each other, and have each others' backs where it counts.

Sam and Dean and Cas are 3 very different kinds of characters and their dynamics and attitudes with/to each other are quite varied. Sam loves and trusts Dean and would die for him (and he has), but doesn't necessarily respect him all that much ("Dean's weak, he can't do it//It frustrates me when you'd rather run than fight"). Cas is the same way with Dean, "... maybe but at least then I won't have to watch you fail". Dean loves Sam and Cas and would die for them in a heartbeat (again, he has!) but he's never quite trusted Sam the same after the demon blood; Cas, Dean takes him for granted quite a bit ("baby in a trenchcoat" for e.g.) and Sam/Cas, well we know they're family, and each of them would go the extra mile to look out for the other. They're probably the most equal yet kept apart characters in the core of Team Free Will.

Alright. Since that's done, let me move on to the focus of this post: my dude, my boy, Dean Winchester. He's funny, loyal, wears his heart on his sleeve, is a huge adorkable geek and is unmistakably "beautiful". But let's look beyond that.

From Season 1, we know the kind of upbringing he's had, or rather, not had. He's only ever had his father and his brother, and the memory of his mother burning on the ceiling. His constant fear is losing them. That they'll die or leave, and somehow, somehow it'll be his fault. At 18, when he's 22, his brother leaves home. And hey, I get it. I get Sam wanting to leave, he's never seen family the way Dean has, how could he have? He was a lonely kid, two lonely kids on lockdown and hunting,,, and Sam didn't get the crusts cut off his PB&J, the way his brother did - maybe it was easier then, for Sam, not easy, but EASIER for him than Dean, who had 4 years of child's life and then was torn down, a dream that dissipated into black smoke, sulphur and bullet wounds. Sam hadn't had that to lose, at least. So he left, to go to college, John slammed the door and Dean was left, alone with a father who thought he was a disappointment. And he went on believing this, internalizing this, knowing KNOWING he was seen as hardly more than "Daddy's blunt little instrument" - I'm not saying John didn't love his older son, he sold his soul for him but you can't deny that in Sam, John so everything he used to be and in Dean, he saw Mary, everything he'd lost in that fire.

Skip to 2005, when Dean pulled Sam out of the second fire, for a minute there he saw his mother on the ceiling. And for a minute there, he looked at his brother and his heart broke because he knew that he'd damned his brother to his father's love and revenge,,, and he wouldn't be able to save them, like he believed he hadn't been able to do for the last 22 odd years. But he vowed, to stick with him, to do the worst to save him to rescue him, to help him, because he didn't not die in that fire just to lose his Sammy. So yes, he sold his soul, he tricked his brother to have an angel possess him to save his life. He was tough on Sam with the demon blood, berating him, trying to beat it down: it wasn't pleasant, it wasn't kind and it left a bitter taste in all of our mouths - I'm not justifying it, but when you remember John asked Dean to KILL Sam if he ever became xxx, that monster, the "Adversary" - it was Dean's worst nightmare and it's only natural he would do the "very worst" to deter his brother from the dark path which would end with nothing less than a bullet hole through his brain. And he couldn't do that, how could he? Maybe it was selfishly motivated, saving his brother's life, maybe Sam didn't need it but Dean did. He needed that purpose. It was "always his job. Watch out for (his) pain-in-the-ass little brother". And if you're gonna grudge this guy, for that,, I have nothing to say to you.

He's strong as hell. He went to Hell, was tortured and did the torturing, he unwittingly started the chain of events that ended up pushing Sam into the Cage, that nearly leveled the entire world - and he lives with that guilt, every fucking day. And then he wakes up every morning, again and again, to save the day, save humanity, from a dozen to a billion people,, all while remembering that once upon a time, his brother thought he was "too weak", "a good little soldier", "without a mind of his own" and his best-friend, once called him really early on "a burnt broken shell of a man". The worst thing? He might be healing a bit better, but the hits keep on coming: Endverse!Dean, MoC, Deanmon, Michael ~ they just realized versions of what he believes himself to be at his core. A monster. A too-far-gone man that can't be saved, but desperately clings to the few good things, hoping, this, this might save him. But he never finds that it does. Because each of it slips from between his fingers, leaving only blood and grime and dusty tears behind: Jo, Ellen, Bobby, John, Mary, Benny, Charlie, Kevin, Sam, Cas (× 10), Crowley, Jack, Rowena, Ketch ... when does it end? He's haunted by the thought of how it will end. And there's only one right answer in his mind, damaged or not.

Guns blazing.

Dean Winchester is angry, hurting, grieving, loving, surviving and fighting all at once. In the middle of all this he manages to grin and joke, and have that twinkle in his eyes when a song he likes comes on the radio, when he makes a pun that Sam sighs amusedly at, when Cas makes a face or when Jack stuffs his face with nougat, when what's precious left of his family is around him, and for the briefest moment content.

It's not easy, Dean's existence. And I haven't even accounted for the infinite other things that weigh on him, have the capacity to tear him to shreds if he dwells on it for too long. The people he couldn't save, his thankless job, the dreams he's sacrificed for this work, the way he's been screwed with by an end number of things ... Dean's not just "funny", his humour keeps him from buckling under the strain of his responsibility, his agony, his guilt. He's not just "loyal", he's unhealthily co-dependent upon his brother and vice versa because most people could understand how they've grown up, and yes it's not always a great thing, but hey, cut him some slack, huh? And as for, "wears his heart on this sleeve", he does. His heart is the most beautiful thing about Dean Winchester. It's what makes him human, despite the scars and wounds and cracks hastily mended - and y'all can fight me on it.

****

Okay, this was a super long text post which I felt the compelling need to write just because I feel Dean isn't appreciated enough for the sheer strength of his "game face" and bashed all too often, for what used to be his black-and-white perception of the world around him. Granted, he's had his less than proud moments but then haven't we all? Aight, that's it :)

Peace out bitches ♡

#dean winchester #appreciation #text post #i really went off #what is it #2013 #looks like #i make no apologies #(not) rip to antis

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winterisakiller · 5 years ago

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Get Better - Chapter Six

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 6/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do. This story will update on Thursdays.

Tag list: @tinchentitri @nonsensicalobsessions @noplacelikehome77 @blacksuitofdoom @theheartofpenelope @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @wolfsmom1 @theoneanna @just-the-hiddles

Previous Chapter

CHAPTER SIX

Without quite realizing it, opening night was upon them. True, it was technically the first night of previews, but still an opening night nonetheless. Tom found himself pacing around the dressing room, mumbling his lines to himself under his breath. He knew the words, backwards and forwards by now, hell he could most likely recite them in his sleep (the fact that he might just be doing so and never know it was one he willingly ignored). But all his preparation did little to calm the nerves boiling inside of him. It was a good thing, he supposed, still getting nervous before the start of a show. But damned if it wasn’t inconvenient.

He’d barely been able to stomach the thought of lunch before coming in that afternoon and had settled on a tea (which was supposed to be soothing though, given his current state of agitation, he had his doubts) and a few biscuits that had been left over from the crew’s breakfast. They had settled dubiously and the fact that he had to eat during the night’s performance did little to calm the churning in his gut. And just then the thought of dinner was one he hadn’t dared to contemplate.

Beside and behind him the last minute hustle and bustle of a show racing towards curtains up exploded. Opening nights were always hectic, it didn’t matter how small or large a production; everyone always seemed to end up running about as though they’d collectively lost their minds. He’d found it amusing, how some things never seemed to change.

“And just how much caffeine have you had today?”

Tom all but jumped out of his skin as the familiar voice echoed from behind him. He spun around, his face contorted in alarmed confusion which faded as his eyes settled on Cath. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her face was lit with fizzing laughter. He fixed what he hoped was an reproachful glare on his face, though the way her eyes sparkled told him it hadn’t been as effective as he’d hoped. “Apparently not enough to keep me from losing ten years off my lifespan.”

Cath only laughed harder, shoving a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “God, Tom. Your face.” It took her several minutes to collect herself and Tom watched on, torn between amusement and annoyance. She waved her hand, buying herself time to calm. “Sorry…Sorry. Okay.” She took a deep breath and motioned to the opened chair before her workstation. “Let’s go put on your face, can’t have you disappointing your adoring public.”

“Oh yes, can’t disappoint the adoring masses.” He snorted a laugh and followed her back towards the workstation.

“Well you’ve come to the right place.” She patted the back of the chair and waited as he quickly settled in. Cath grabbed a brush and the small container of powder foundation from the workstation top, and settling between it and Tom, began applying it in quick, efficient strokes. “Nervous?” She asked, her attention focused on her task, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

Tom chuckled, “Always.” He let out a barely audible sigh. “It doesn’t matter how often I’ve done this, I always seem to find myself a mess of jitters right before curtain call.” He fidgeted in his seat, fingers tapping against his bent knees and left foot bouncing against the floor.

Cath smiled, “That’s a good thing, I suppose. Means you care about the work you’re about to do. And it would certainly explain why you can’t seem to sit still.” She quirked an eyebrow at him and the fidgeting ceased. A sheepish grin spread across Tom’s face. “Thank you, I would rather not be tarred and feathered for accidently stabbing you in the eye with a brush. That would go over terribly should I use this production as a reference for future work.”

Tom burst out laughing. “Heaven forbid.”

She simply shook her head, continuing with her work.

“Alright,” she announced several minutes later. “That’s your face on. Let’s see if I can tame that mass you call hair before you’re whisked away.” The mass in question was in reasonable order, over all, despite the steady that had fallen throughout the day. He silently thanked whatever deity had kept Bobby from repeatedly his rain and mud soaked mayhem. That would have been the last thing he needed, today of all days. A quick comb through and a small amount of product later, Cath declared him, “as good as I can get.”

Tom smiled and pushed himself from the chair. “Thank you, milady,” he murmured, bowing slightly. He stood for a moment, indecision coursing through him; the desire to pull her into his arms to show, in a tangible way, his gratefulness for her kind understanding. Fuck it. He pulled Cath into a quick hug before he could let himself think better of it.

Cath laughed, a rush of scarlet blossoming across her face, and pushed on his arm. “Alright, Romeo, to the stage with you.”

Tom bowed once more, smiling brightly before jogging towards the door and down the narrow stairs. He came to a stop at the side of the stage; Charlie and Zawe to his right and left respectively, each waiting for their cues. Tom found himself once again bouncing from foot to foot, his mind flashing back to the woman he’d left upstairs and the hug they’d shared. The hug had been something he normally would not have thought twice about; he was a tactile man, always had been, and such displays of affection where almost second nature. But he couldn’t shake the way she’d felt in his arms; she was small and fit almost perfectly into his embrace, her warmth sinking into him and god he hadn’t wanted to let her go.

Good God, this is stupid, he groaned to himself. This was stupid and pointless. Cath was a wonderful woman; kind, funny, smart, and affectionate. She was an absolute delight and they’d gotten on well. She constantly kept him on his toes and god, it had been far too long since he’d had that. He was proud to consider her a friend. But the feel of her. He shook himself, these were not the sorts of thoughts he needed going into the night’s performance. Head in the game, Hiddleston. Head in the game. He took a deep breath and once the cue was given, made his way onto the stage and settled into his waiting chair. Lights dimming and music playing, Tom let himself slip into Robert’s skin and watched, from the corner of his eye as the curtain lifted.

—

Cath stood feeling as thought she’d been rooted to the spot, watching Tom fly from the room. She could still sense the strength and warmth of his arms around her; an involuntary shiver running through her. He was an affectionate person, she’d noticed that right away the first time they’d met. And he hadn’t ever meant anything more by it than simple affection. She knew this, but god sometimes it drove her mad.

It was ridiculous, she was being completely and utterly ridiculous. Cath quickly shook her head and turned back to her workstation, focusing instead on straightening the surface. She just needed to get her head back in the game. Mechanically, she cleaned her brushes and placed them back in their holders. She wiped the surface of the station and once everything was back in working order, she dropped into the chair before it and sighed.

He hadn’t meant anything by the hug, Cath understood that quite clearly. He was simply excited and nervous and she’d offered him kindness and an open ear. Thinking more on that stupid, seconds long hug, would be nothing short of folly. But she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

“God, I am an idiot.”

“Could have told you that,” Lorna’s voice echoed from her left. Cath leapt out of the chair, hand clasped over her heart. Lorna let out a bark of a laugh at Cath’s expression. “You alright?”

“No, I bloody well am not. You scared me half to death.” Cath attempted a scowl but it came off as more of a grimace and she groaned.

“I’m surprised you didn’t try to cop a feel there, boss. Cause that man there,” Lorna tipped her head towards the doorway Tom had recently vacated and chuckled, “I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on that.”

Cath shot her a look. “Something tells me John wouldn’t be best pleased with that.”

Lorna laughed harder, shaking her head. “We both have our lists…He’ll live.”

“Lorn, what am I going to do with you?”

She shot Cath a pointed look of her own. “Explain why you aren’t trying to climb that man like a tree.”

“That is preposterous,” Cath exclaimed, ignoring the shift in her friend’s eyebrows. “And so what if I find him attractive, it’s not going to happen. He’s just being friendly. You’ve seen the man, he’s like that with everyone.”

Lorna snorted. “I call bullshit on that one. Yes, he’s a friendly guy, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching.” She lowered herself onto Cath’s open chair, crossing her legs over the side.

Cath rolled her eyes. “Even if that is true, chances are nothing will come of it.”

Another smirk. “Not with that attitude, it won’t.”

Cath let out an exasperated sigh and turned her attention back to her workstation, making sure her pack of make-up removing wipes were close at hand. “You are impossible.”

Lorna grinned. “Aw, well thank you. I do try my best.”

“And ever so modest.” Chuckling, Cath shook her head. “Alright, let’s going sneak downstairs and see what all of the fuss has been about.”

Jumping out of the chair, Lorna smiled and pulled Cath towards the door. “You just want to see your lover boy in action.”

“He is not my lover boy,” Cath insisted with a scoff as the jogged down the stairs. “He’s not even my friend…He’s a work acquaintance.” Lorna snorted behind her. “A friendly one,” she stipulated.

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.”

They reached the bottom of the stairs and turned down a short hallway. Another quick turn lead them to side stage.

Cath spun around and whispered, “And I think you should stick to your day job.”

“Someone’s a bit touchy.”

“Shh.”

Lorna laughed, covering her mouth when the noise earned her a glare from one of the stage hands. Cath chuckled, earning her a cold look from Lorna. She shrugged and turned her attention back towards the stage.

There was something absolutely fascinating about the simple set up of the production. The clever use of lighting, music, and stage presence only enhanced its emotional power. While she had seen bits and pieces of the show during rehearsals, this would be the first time she would see it all the way through.

Cath found her eyes drawn, almost involuntarily towards Tom, as he moved around the stage. She’d known he was talented, had seen it years ago with Coriolanus, but there was something powerful in his subtle portrayal of Robert. His cool anger, biting sarcasm, and his quiet vulnerability. Robert wasn’t a kind man but there was a depth to him Tom wove into his performance which completely captivated Cath.

She felt her heart melt as she watched Tom carried the small girl who played his and Zawe’s daughter from the stage. He held the small girl so carefully, cradled against his chest, and offered Cath a warm smile as he passed. She returned it, wrapping her arms around herself. As he passed again she noted, with a flutter she refused to acknowledge, that there was a stray curl, sticking out just slightly. Yes, she reasoned, he really is going to be trouble.

—

Tom smiled, waving one last time as he followed Charlie and Zawe from the stage. It was a rush he knew he’d never tire of, that feeling he got standing on a stage in front of a crowd. His skin prickled and he felt he could run laps around the theatre. He laughed to himself, there really was nothing like this.

“Nicely done!” Lorna’s voice called over the general hubbub of the backstage madness. Tom turned, jogging over to the corner were Lorna and Cath stood, smiling brightly.

“You were brilliant, all three of you,” Cath added, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze.

Tom grabbed Cath into a quick hug, spinning her around as she squealed and hit at his arm. “Thank you.” He released her and pulled Lorna into a quick embrace as well. “God, I can’t even begin to describe how…” Tom trailed off, unable to find the words to finish his thought. He felt…jangly.

Cath nodded and, out of the corner of his eye, Tom saw the frank look Lorna shot at her. He filed that away for future processing, knowing that with his current state of post-show jitters, nothing would make a great deal of sense. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he meant something.

“Alright,” Cath called, clapping her hands together once. “Let’s get you cleaned up and ready to head out into the waiting crowds.”

Tom chuckled and sighed. He loved meeting fans, honestly he did. Without their support, his career would mostly definitely be very different. And he was genuinely curious to see and hear their response to the show. But still, stage door could be, and in the past very much had been, chaotic and disconcerting. Things, he hoped, would be better this time around. There were more strict limits in place as to what would be asked of him and, as much as it killed him, limits to his time out there as well.

If it had been at all feasible, Tom would certainly stay out until he’d had the chance to meet everyone. But it simply wasn’t realistic and, after how sick he’d gotten during his Coriolanus run, Tom couldn’t take that risk. And he knew people would complain; someone always complained and he simply couldn’t please everyone. That had been a hard lesson, but one he’d learned all the same.

He followed Cath up the stairs, finding Zawe and Charlie changed and readying themselves to head out. “Nicely done, mate,” Charlie called, clapping a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “You didn’t crack once during the dining scene.”

Tom laughed heartily. “Not for lack of trying. You are an ass, my friend.”

Charlie shrugged, “That’s half the fun. Besides neither of us got the girl in the end.” They both laughed heartily.

Zawe simply shook her head, but chuckled all the same. “You couldn’t handle me anyway,” she shot back, grinning. “Alright, I’m heading out. Wish me luck.” She grabbed her coat, blew them both exaggerated kisses, and headed down the stairs towards the stage door.

“Well that’s you lot told,” Cath snorted, shaking her head.

“Is that always the case?” Charlie sighed and grabbed his coat. “Well, I’m heading out now too. See you in a bit?”

Tom nodded. “Yep, let me just get this mess off me and I’ll be down.” Charlie waved again and trotted down the stairs.

“Mess?” Cath echoed with a quirk of her brow.

He flushed. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah, Hiddleston. Get your ass in this chair and I’ll take that mess off you so you can go and make nice with the masses.” Her tone was firm but Tom could clearly see the humor shining in her eyes.

Tom settled himself in the chair and sat as still as he possibly could (which to be fair wasn’t very as his show high had not quite subsided) so Cath could remove his make-up. She stood between his spread knees and he tried, with limited success, to not think about the warmth radiating from her legging clad form. She braced her hand on his shoulder, murmuring an apology, as she worked to wipe the last of what he had deemed ‘his mask’ off. The soft scent of something light and almost floral hit him. It wasn’t a perfume, far too subtle...Perhaps a body wash? He hadn’t the first clue. But it clung to the skin of her arms as she wiped his forehead and along his jaw.

He let loose the breath he was holding as she pushed back and smiled down at him. “Well I think that about does it. You’re free to change and mingle.”

Blinking twice to regain control of himself, Tom plastered on what he hoped was a pleasant smile and cleared his throat. “Thank you.” His voice sounded almost breathy and he cursed himself for his lack of control. Her eyes locked on his. Neither spoke for what felt like an age. It took all he had to keep himself from reaching out and pulling her against him…

“Cath! You still in here?” Lorna’s voice echoed from the hallway, her steps clear and loud on the landing outside.

They leapt apart, Cath narrowly avoiding collision with the workstation behind her. “Shit.” The curse fell from her lips in a frustrated whisper that Tom found fascinated him. He reached to steady her.

Cath nodded, her face flushed with embarrassment. “Yes Lorna, I’m still here.”

Lorna rounded the corner, pausing in the doorway, a knowing smirk on her face. “Oh…Well hello there, Tom.”

He cleared his throat. “Hi. Sorry, I’ve been monopolizing her time.” Tom inclined his head towards Cath, who had regained some of her composure.

“Is there something I can do for you, Lorn?”

Lorna’s eyes sparkled with something that Tom wasn’t sure he understood…or wanted to understand. “Well…”

Cath narrowed her eyes. “Lorn…”

“Just seeing if you’d checked out yet.” Lorna held her hands out before her in a supplicated manner but the grin she still wore tugged at something in Tom’s mind.

Cath shook her head. “Nah, still a bit left to do. You can go if you’d like. Maggie’s got most everything set for tomorrow and once Tom here is changed back into his street clothes all I have to do is press the suit and hang it up.”

Tom cleared his throat, “I’m guessing that would be my cue.” He pushed himself to his feet, smiling softly at Cath and then quickly at Lorna, and headed back towards the changing area. “Oh,” he called turning back around. “Zawe, Charlie, and I are heading to The Queens Head after we’re done stage door as a sort of mini celebration of our first show. You’re welcome to come with…You and Lorna, if you want.”

“Oh,” Cath started and Tom felt his heart seize. She didn’t want to…

“What my friend, here is trying to say,” Lorna jumped in, shooting a pointed look at Cath. “Is we’d love to.”

“Yes, sounds wonderful,” Cath echoed, shooting Lorna a look of her own.

A weight lifted from his chest and Tom felt himself relax. He smiled brightly and ducked behind the partition, grabbing his folded clothes from the chair in the corner. Quickly, he shed his suit, hanging on the waiting clothing rack and pulled on his jeans and blue jumper. Sliding his feet into his boots, Tom wandered back into the main room. Cath and Lorna were talking in lowered voices near Cath’s workstation and paid him little mind.

Tom cleared his throat, “I’ll see you both later then?”

Both paused in their conversation, turning towards the doorway and Tom. “Yes,” Cath answered.

Lorna grinned, “Most definitely. We’ll meet you lot there.”

Tom smiled warmly, “Fantastic. Alright, I should go.”

“Before they riot,” Cath laughed.

Tom quickly made his way out the door and down the stairs. He took a deep breath, smiling at the security guard near the stage door. Here we go.

Next Chapter

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston rpf #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston x oc #tom hiddleston x original female character #tom hiddleston x orignal character #get better fic #Tom and Cath

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