#so im somewhat of a hypocrite

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

ALL OF THIS.

Seriously- like if you want to shave your legs to feel like a slippery dolphin in your sheets, then do it. Go for yours.

But I really cannot stand that people are expected to do this for their partner (and let’s be real, I say people but mainly women).

Like why can’t your man fuck you with a hairy bush?

Like oh baby I love you so much but not unless you’re a smooth hairless baby like a literal child- like what da fuck is this??

I already stopped shaving my legs a couple years ago but a few months ago I stopped shaving under my arms and I have not regretted it.

It’s like bitch I am not here to make you feel comfortable and the fact you care so much about hair on someone else’s body is very concerning.

Shave it if you want to- but only IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO.

Less body hair removal PERIOD more bush more happy trails more chest hair arm hair leg hair knuckle hair foot hair back hair ass hair tummy hair facial hair if u want to remove your hair for sensory purposes that's your business but I'm so tired of the human body being expected to be shark smooth we r mammals........🦍

[telesodalite]

Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??

Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.

One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.

And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.

These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.

How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?

Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.

And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?

Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.

Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.

And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.

In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.

[britneyshakespeare]

The gaslighting Duke of Vienna

[romanos-photo-album]

ffxiv mods are a touchy subject for a lot of the community, and while there are some people who charge up the butt for their mods, there are a lot more who offer their stuff for free. so i feel bad when i complain about something thats free not matching my tastes, but i will sometimes be a begging chooser about it.

Here we have 3 of the more popular lala bodies, Stacked (Right), EveHD (Middle), and Bibala (left). I like to use EveHD, because I have one major complaint about the other two.

The Waist. The Snatched Waist that Bibala and Stacked use is WEIRD to me. (And it's not a problem that's unique to lala bodies, 90% of body mods for tallfolk are an hourglass and the ones that make people even slightly pudgy get next to zero support, but thats a whole different discussion.)

the problem can be alleviated a bit with Customize+, but then if i wanna put anything else on i have to go turn off the scaling.

i dunno theres no point to this its just something about a fair number of 14 mods that bothers me, but im in no way bashing the hard work that goes into all of these mods or the people who do enjoy them, i just wanted to put my thoughts here cause i couldnt put them on twitter

[theokusgallery]

i fucking hate nick (but for the reasons you want me to hate him)

gud job /gen

Oh man. You haven't seen the worst of it yet

[prudereality]

-

[aro-attorneys]

I love seeing tumblr's attitude towards something shift. Like okay guess uh....This Thing we all enjoyed and was all over my dash again is now Cringe

[arson-09]

tonights acotar thoughts are with the Illyrian women and how rhysand has utterly failed them despite his supposed efforts

Hes ‘allowed’ them to become warriors if they wish. But thats not even the bare minimum. from my memory he acknowledges that he doesnt enforce the wing clipping laws (smooth move) so that’s basically useless and as to be expected of a man, he misses the point of feminism and equality laws. WHERE are the laws and protections for women in marriages?? if the illyrian are so ‘brutal’ and ‘backwards’ the assumption can be made that divorce isn’t a thing unless the man requests it. No women requested divorces and probably no such thing as no fault divorces. As well as forced marriages (which also brings up the consent age) Adding on, what about abortions and other pre natal and natal laws and protections? again, assuming women arent allowed to have abortions or simply any bodily autonomy, where are those decrees rhysand? Im not even getting into the potential of LGBTQ+ illyrians and their rights (Logically there are LGBTQ+ illyrians but ofc sjm wouldn’t mention them)

He makes such a fuss about it being a womans choice (a hypocrite as we see in acosf) yet unless a woman is able too or wants to fight he doesnt seem to care. Which is also a major flaw of sjms writing, women only gain their independence if they can kick ass and fuck as they want. Which is of course valid but thats a very shallow way to view feminism and equality. The whole point is that a woman can choose, wether its to be a warrior or a stay at home mother, but theres nothing done for those women who want that lifestyle.

This has influenced me in my fic writing a lot to where a this topic has become a major focal point in my fic somewhat by accident. I think that logically there would be a rebellion from mostly illyrian women against rhysand, hes promised them so much yet has delivered so little.

[moonshynecybin]

this isnt in the subs but im p sure alex also says "shut up" to marc in that video nfjdkf

video here.... DESERVED ! marc is. listen he is very goofy and charming and often really very sweet. he is ALSO! maybe the most annoying person on planet earth. loud yapper slut dances in every situation does NOT apologize for his behavior and is never self conscious. and alex shares a lot of those goofy traits but unlike marc (the most SHAMELESS man of all time.) he has an example to WATCH and LEARN FROM. lmao. like marc-as-prodigy was probably weird for both of them in terms of like. shaping identity. like literally WHY would marc feel shame he's one on the best EVER at a sport that literally requires you to have confidence falling out of your ass. yes its crazy he then extended that from sports to LIFE (like i think vale has much more capacity to be embarrassed for example. like he's INVESTED in looking cool) but i think its follows a very marc marquez deranged sort of logic.

ALEX on the other hand has been somewhat forcibly humbled from a very young age merely by being born marc marquez's younger brother. like hes really fucking talented and handsome and funny but. as other scholars have recently talked about (@babynflames, @baking-soda recently) he's been kind of overshadowed his entire life by the shear caliber of marc's star. forced to play the proverbial straight man. jim from the office making faces at the camera LITERALLY several times in marc's documentary while marc is clowning SO hard for the cameras. so i think he DOES have the capacity for shame (A GOOD THING SOMETIMES) and is just in general a lot more measured than a guy like marc who went hard at literally everything his entire life and was kind of only rewarded for it (until he really wasnt.)

and THENN theres their codependent soul bond ass relationship where. i get the sense alex is a lot more independent than marc but he loves marc more than anything so he will indulge his crazy girl cheetah and emotional support labrador tendencies. so you get a. the comfort only close siblings have with each other/only living boy in the world who gets marc on a rider level and wont blame him for shit, and b. alex being the only one of them who has the capacity to feel any sort of shame, and you GET alex calling out marc for being a little hypocrite and then telling him to shut up DIRECTLY in front of a camera. and marc not even blinking an eye

[jesuistrestriste]

you are soooo real and this is why youre my favorite challengers writer!!! i don’t hate every male dom fic but i just find a lot of them harder to get into because they include super aggressive mean ‘kinks’ so it’s like :// not to get extra woke cause at the end of the day it’s fictional cock and balls, but i hate when men use the word bitch in general so it also sucks to see it in fics. i will say though i do quite enjoy seeing that dynamic the other way around (hence my obsession with your art portrayal) because it’s less common in the real world. idk it sounds hypocritical and this is getting into a long rant but i feel the exact way you do <3

ok we have the same brain wait……

yes yes yes! like i can sometimes get somewhat into maledom character fics where the character is aggressive towards the reader, but most times they just dont do anything for me. and at the worst times, like when the male character is basically emotionally abusing the reader, i just feel a bit icky about them. i know it’s all fiction so it’s chill, and maybe we’re all ‘too woke’, but idc ! there are just times when im like damn:( it’s interesting to read about, esp if the writer is very passionate about it, but i can’t ever get into it the way i can get into femdom/sub!male character stuff.

no hate at all to writers who enjoy writing that type of smut, or readers who enjoy reading that kind of content, it just isn’t my cup of tea like 90% of the time ! we all have our own preferences. actually i’m pretty sure ive written some small blurbs where the m!character is dom and verbally degrades the reader, but its really infrequent nowadays. it’s sometimes fun to write about here and there, but i rarely find it hot lol

was any of this coherent idk

[orion4ever]

hi so im the person who requested the derren/outcasted reader and AHHH it was great!!! thank you so much!!!

i wanted to request another ren fic, this like with a trans masc reader

basically its just ren comes out to the reader as trans and then we’re just like “wait your trans? me too!”

have a good day or night! don’t rush and take care of yourself! thank you!

Author’s Note: Hello! I am glad you liked it , I was worried I didn’t portray her correctly! I hope you enjoy this one as well ^^ Although since we didn’t get much info about Renee and her transition for now, I wrote this under the assumption that she has warmed up and mellowed out over time.

Also I totally wrote this with them being in high school but then remembered that in Step 3, they are probably not in high school anymore so I changed it to be a local community college.

Pairing: Renee Murray x TransMasc! MC

🥾🍁

Renee was worried about people’s opinions of hers changing when they found out that she was trans.

Would she be seen as somewhat hypocritical to her younger self? Would people still want to be friends even if she was a girl? How would they treat her now?

While she is way more happy and content now truly understanding her feelings and identity, coming out is a very nerve-wracking experience.

You had been the first to know, of course. You have been Renee’s friend(and crush) for a long time and she felt that no matter what; you would be there.

She just wasn’t expecting what came next…

The school day just ended, you were packing up your backpack to go home when you felt a hand hold on to your shoulder. When you turned around, it was Ren; her newly dyed red hair glimmering in the classroom's fluorescent lights.

“MC,” Renee greeted, her mouth appearing to smile but her eyebrows were worried.

“Oh, Hey Renee” you greeted in return, slinging your heavy backpack over your shoulder. “We’re still hanging out at the bridge today?” You asked, tilting your head towards your friend.

“Uh. Yeah, obviously… Let’s hurry. I-.” She paused on her words before continuing. “I want to tell you something important.” She finished, feeling more sure of yourself.

“Something important? Important enough that you can’t tell me here?” You had teased a little bit, moving towards the door while Renee followed with a nervous chuckle.

“I want to tell you somewhere more private, so yeah.” She answered, walking out the classroom door and through the hallway with them.

“I understand.” You nodded.

After crowd-surfing and dodging other students, the both of you got off campus and made your way over to the familiar patch of woods near the hiking trail.

While the trip felt short for you, to Renee; this trip over to the bridge alcove felt like hours. She overthought your reaction to her coming out as a girl and played around with her gloves to distract herself.

“Is there something wrong?” You had asked, stopping in front of the diner on the way to the remote bridge. “You’ve been a little restless..?” You added, looking gently at her.

Her unease lessened when she noticed your genuine expression, appreciating how supportive you are.

“I will be ok... It's just related to what I wanted to tell you.” Renee reassured, who started walking again.

“You’re kinda worrying me a little bit, Ren” you admitted, following a bit behind her. “Is it something bad?” You asked.

Renee paused a little bit but answered, peaking over her shoulder at you. “Depends on what you think is ‘bad’..”

You didn’t reply, you didn’t have a clue what this secret information could be.

Finally, the two of you made it, Renee got comfortable and leaned on the bridge. While she didn’t say it straight up ;she was hinting for you to join her side.

You stepped towards her but didn’t lean on the bridge. “Ren, What's wrong?” You asked again. “Did something happen?”

Renee looked nervous but replied “No, nothing happened. I have something I need to tell you.” She took a deep breath before continuing.

“I need to be honest, I have been having identity issues; for most of my life at this point.”

She admits, her hand moving towards her nape. 

“After a while, I think I finally get it.” Renee then moved her gaze away from the bridge and faced you.

“I am a girl. I’m trans..”

The woods went silent, the both of you staring at each other. Renee teared up a little, really worried that she was about to lose you over this. Before the silent woods could swallow her, you replied.

“Oh! Me too!” You chuckled. Renee went deadpanned, her hand that was resting on her nape fell to her side.

“what.” She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, Uh. Not the girl part, I’m trans too!” You elaborated with an equally nervous smile. Renee, just in case asked.

“Do you accept me?” You looked over surprised that she would think you wouldn’t.

“Of course! This is awesome, I am really happy that you finally understand yourself!”

You said supportively.

“I can say I understand too. I guess we both get to start this new journey together huh?” You smiled.

“When did you know you were a guy?” Renee asked, acknowledging that you came out too.

“A while ago. I just didn’t find a moment to tell you.” You shrugged a little, shoving your cold hands in your jacket pockets.

The two of you stood there in silence, Renee turned back towards the side of the bridge. You joined by her side. Renee sheepishly put her pale hand in your pocket to hold your hand, which you held back.

“Is this ok?” Renee asked, side-eyeing you.

“Yeah.” You said quietly with a little blush.

It was silent again, but there was more question that you needed an answer to.

“What do wanna be referred to now? Still Ren?” You side-eyed her back.

“Call me Renee.��� She answered with a smile.

“Okay, Renee” you replied for the last time, rubbing your thumb on her hand.

[t4tails]

Chester status on the Gotham Rogues? How probable are they to cheat, actively do it and such

joker - would never technically cheat because he'd break up with whoever he's seeing first and gaslight them into getting back together when hes done

penguin - fancies himself somewhat of a harem protagonist. exclusivity does not cross his mind but he's a hypocrite and would get pissy if he found out somebody hes seeing was also fucking other guys. i specify guys because i think he'd be one of those people that doesnt count lesbian sex

riddler - i said this before but he would absolutely cheat as a sort of powerplay because he would get paranoid about his lover cheating on him first and get so anxious and upset about it he'd decide he'll just beat them to the punch (tracks with his other self-destructive, bait-y behaviors) and cheat first, despite not actually having the urge to do so personally

two-face - harvey would never. harv would needle him about this but he also would not do it he just likes to be mean and lie

harley & ivy - together bc im pretty sure theyre in an open relationship canonically, so cheating isnt really a problem for them. they probably actively coast for thirds in bars when selina is in a bad mood and/or in jail

catwoman - i dont think she would intentionally cheat but the real issue is that she is oblivious to when a relationship starts/ends. they would need to have a conversation about it or else she will just assume they're a lighthearted fling and see other people. she is also not above a devious flirt to make her partner jealous

scarecrow - would not cheat because he simply does not give a fuck. like i think the list of people he's attracted to is so small he would not even think about it because he barely has enough care to keep up with one relationship maybe, he would hate multiple

[antirepurp]

i keep thinking about satbk's ending with frontiers' ending and how contradictory they are and i think a part of me kind of likes that?

the storybook games while canon are a bit of a questionmark in, i guess how they happen, like im still not sure if we should take them as sonic literally being transported into the books, or if the books are other worlds or dimensions, or if they were Very vivid fever dreams (which is the funniest option to me). but if we take them as stories, things that are somewhat fictional, maybe the sonic they portray is a kind of idealized version of him, the kind of person he wants or strives to be. not that it's an inaccurate or false portrayal, far from it, but it's taken to an extreme if you will, a point that sonic tries to achieve but falls just a bit short from. and in the context of a story, one that hails you as the hero, one where you don't belong, it is so much easier to say that things need to end one day and feel like you mean it

but when the world you belong in is put in a similar situation, that acceptance doesn't come to you as easily. you fight back, because you don't want things to end, not just yet, not like this. you want to take the moral high ground, but you are just 15, and you don't want to accept the end. you want to fight back not just for yourself, but everyone dear to you as well, you want them to have another tomorrow at any price, even when you're being told the very same things you once said to someone else in that very same position, someone who only wanted to see the sunrise one more time. will you feel like a hypocrite about it after the fact, when the dust settles and the weight starts to sink in? will you even have the moment to do so when you reunite with your loved ones, and remember the hopes and dreams they had for "when this is over"? are you becoming the kind of person you wanted to be, the righteous hero who always does the right thing no matter what, or are you just a child going with the flow of the wind when it spirals into an unforgiving storm?

[ishouldgetadiary]

there are definitely cleverer people to discuss this at length than me and there are probably people who already have and come to the same or better conclusions, but i do just want to say that an aspect of kim kitsuragi i can't get over is his disconnect from being seolite (outside of the racism). i don't know, it's very important to have asian characters with strong cultural ties who have that culture accurately expressed through their character/stories and i do love those characters, but it's somewhat rarer to see the alternative (at least, when race and culture is acknowledged at all), let alone it being a point of pride for them, the same way it is for kim. all of this to say, i feel haunted by what he says when you ask him about his heritage.

i didnt ask him about it on my first run (because i found the way the question is initially asked to be kinda rude and i was afraid of if it'd make him like me less, lol) but i did in my current replay and the way he dances around the topic, 'i'm half seolite, well technically, my parents were both quarter, i guess you could also say im quarter, i don't know the language or culture and i've only lived in revachol', it fucks me up so bad! first is how you can tell it's mostly a defensive tactic for him, at least when he starts the rant— somebody asks about the race thing? deflect. i'm only half. i don't even know the language. i'm not one of those seolites. second is how he loosens into pride when he realises/remembers that harry isn't asking to be racist, he is genuinely having trouble remembering that the concept of race exists, but also because it lets kim kinda show that it is something to be prideful about in revachol.

dont get me wrong— i think kim kitsuragi is genuinely proud of being as revacholian as anyone else. he loves revachol. i dont think he’d go along with harry so easily on random side quests or have opinions on if harry helps or hinders the people of martinaise if he actually didnt care. i dont even know he’d still be a cop or (more accurately) be one for as long as he has been, especially when he’s spent most of it as a juvie officer, if he didnt believe in revachol. it’s people, what it is, and what the country could be. people like to take his position as a police officer as just his way of feeling a sense of power in a post revolutionary (khm. and racist) world that has never had the space for him or his dreams, but kim is more three dimensional than that. ESPECIALLY when there are ways that being a cop gives him less power than regular citizens in revachol. he likes, wants, and believes in both, and that’s not necessarily hypocritical. in the same way, i dont think it’s at all hypocritical that his pride is rooted in both his love for revachol AND the way white supremacy has impacted him. because yk, when he’s proud about his lack of connection to his heritage, it’s not just his love for revachol speaking, it’s also the disdain that we, the player, hear for seolite people (at least what we hear from or related to kim).

that all being said, i dont consider that to be a terribly complex thought at all— real life people are complicated and multifaceted, so kim kitsuragi is written to also be complicated and multifaceted. in disco elysium, the writers are never worried about presenting the world in a better or worse way than it already is. yes, it is definitely a heightened version of our reality, but it also presents everything as direct as possible. case example would be the racist lorry driver in what he says versus how he’s presented. in that very first interaction when kim confronts him and harry catches up on what just happened, he denies and hides in the same way a lot of people deny and hide that they are being racist, but you, the player, cannot avoid or pretend he isnt being racist, because it is literally in his name. you are not given the grace of real life where there is the option of either the benefit of the doubt or genuinely questioning your own assessment. despite all of that, ultimately, it is still haunting for that early kim question to be so reminiscent of what i see in real life.

in the example of a shorter ramble, kim's own ramble weirdly reminds me of myself, but in the opposite direction. i very easily and quickly tumble into word vomit and over-detail my heritage just to make it make sense that my name isnt white. and i'm not gonna boohoo over my own personal situation at all when i know i benefit from white supremacy, but i hate that ultimately, white supremacy ‘won’ when it comes to 'me'. because just like kim kitsuragi, i don't know a language that isn't english, i dont know a different culture, and i've only lived in my predominantly white country.

but a more apt comparison is my own father. a man who���s internalised shame cant even allow him to comprehend why somebody white would want a tan, because he’s always been at least a little tan, and that’s part of what ‘clocks’ him as not fully white, who does try to connect with his mother’s culture, but just kind of ended up with only odd bits and pieces of it and the language, because it was something that would’ve just made life harder than it should be, and despite everything, he’ll still do things like dunk on chinese people. there may be more to say, but you get the gist. and yet somehow none of it has quite reaches the point where he can recognise it in himself. because he knows racism and white supremacy is bad and he’s obviously against it, but it is hard to acknowledge that it is greater than just the lorry drivers and measureheads of the world. because we live with the consequences and the rot of white supremacy within us. assimilation has done it's job to it's logical conclusion.

… and yet it is a limbo, and a hollow one at that. regardless of how white i am, i still dont fully relate to my fully white peers, because there are ways in which i dont share in their accepted shared experiences. my father has never felt accepted in either club, ‘too japanese for white australians and too australian for japanese people’ (can you believe that disco elysium was almost banned from my country)! our fully white peers will never know what it’s like to be able to look at the face of a complete stranger of a different race and see family. to see their aunts, or grandparents, or parents.

but kim kitsuragi talks of that limbo with pride. he may never feel a true sense of community with either white people or other seolites, and this is something his brain seems to choose not to fully acknowledge, even though he definitely feels it. and really, it’s haunting in the same way i find both my father’s and my involvement in society disconcerting. the truth that, in spite of where white supremacy and assimilation can get you, you will never truly achieve the community or peace of mind there is in ignorance.

despite all that, on a brighter note, i do think that in terms of what kim truly likes harry for and what gains his trust in him is the choice for harry to be that sense of community he needs. (if i am remembering right) kim will only really trust you if you chose to defend him from the several racists you’ll encounter and make jokes at their expense with him, because it’s highly HIGHLY unlikely that barely anybody goes through that effort for him. even when it’s pretty clear that the writers were going for humorous ‘haha, white guy trying his best to be an ally’ dialogue choices, kim himself doesnt really show that he finds it obnoxious or unwanted, it’s genuinely something he would rarely get other rcm members even though that is the community he’s definitely and wholly part of.

anyways i have no idea if this post made any sense or if im really wrong (i could be!) because it came from a more personal place than maybe typical character analysis but whatever

[obsessedwithceleste]

HII i saw you doing this for another person so likeee bet (if i can tho <3)

i’m 5’5 with curly-ish hair that falls to my shoulders (i want it to grow out more tho) im a natural brunette (kind of dark) with brown eyes. im also a white hispanic so like yeah

my style is like downtown girl-ish but kind of more edgy? also things with red and hearts in them. I LOVR CLOTHES LIKE THAT BRO but it kind of depends on my mood too. ny go two styles are downtown and baggy clothes tho

i dont wear bold makeup, but i do wear dark to match my looks yk? so normally mascara, light blush, dark lipstick that kind of match my lips but are more redish. i also dont like glittery stuff so😭

i have adhd too so i could talk about everything and anything. i tend to interrupt people a lot which might make me seem like a bitch but i try not to lmao😭 im also very sarcastic. literally sarcasm is my love language fr

im an extroverted introvert. meaning that some days i could be quiet, while others i could be loud sometimes. but i tend to be very loud with friends too lmao. but i dont like loud noises myself which is weird.

on the topic of that, i tend to get overwhelmed easily so i prefer quiet environments. anything with a lot of people/noises will get me overwhelmed n stuff so

im literally a total book nerd. like the fantasy, enemies to lovers, they’d both kill for each other kind of books. im also a realistic hopeless romantic. i tend to destroy my delusions sadly

tbh im very hypocritical and somewhat toxic because of the household i was born in but in trying to change. i stick to what i think and have trouble apologizing and showing affection, so i normally just write “im sorry” or “i ❤️ u” on their skin whenever i cant say it. speaking of that, i also tend to get jealous easily but i never say it because im literally petty asf (but like im saying, im trying to get better <3)

i was born in a harsh environment where my parents argued a lot so if i get yelled at i would cry IMMEDIATELY. i would also get really pissed off.

speaking of me getting pissed off, i cry whenever im angry. i hate it when i do that because i think its weak but ive grown into it yk? it doesnt help that i have anger issues too though

my love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and giving gifts. (but also like uhhhhgg physical touch but also like GKDJDHHH PHYSICAL TOUCH yk)

my music taste is kind of unknown. chase atlantic, arctic monkeys, isabel larosa, ari abdul, the weekend, the neighborhood, cigarettes after sex, and lana del rey. thosr are like the ONLY music i listen to LMAO

im not really self confident (but i kinda am? idk (fake it til you make it)) and like i said, an introvert but i wont let you walk all over me or my friends. i have that “treat others how they treat you” mindset. (getting out of my people pleaser phase!!)

i love cats. like i LOVE LOVE cats.

HELP SORDY I WENT ON A LOT SKSJSJ

Reading your desc. made me want to give your the biggest hug🥹🫶🏽

Pairing: Lorenzo Berkshire

Lorenzo Berkshire is Hogwarts’ resident pretty boy. And he definitely knows it.

He likes the attention. Thrives on it really. A magnet for the spotlight.

For the most part you really steer clear of the rowdy group of Slytherin boys. They’re loud, and egotistical, and just not worth the headache.

The first time you run into Enzo is quite literal. You’re agitated enough with the boy as it is, he and his friends had been causing a ruckus in the library for the past hour and you were just done.

You don’t realize that the boy had appeared behind you in the maze of shelves until it’s too late and suddenly you’re in a mess of tangled limbs, sprawled across the floor.

Enzo, of course, is used to girls melting in his hand and naturally tries to charm you, but you’re having none of it, stalking off before he’s able to even get a name.

But boy does he love a challenge.

The next day, he sidles up next to you in the corridor, ramping up the charm as he insists on walking you to your next class.

He’s not at all prepared for the sharp bite of your words. Usually girls are falling over themselves to agree with every little thing he says, but your witty, sarcastic responses catch him off guard.

Everything about you really throws him for a new one. And he’s just so intrigued.

He tries approaching you again in the library, attempting to talk up the novel you're reading. (It goes horribly. After that encounter, you're half convinced he's illiterate.)

But he's just obsessed.

He likes the way that you’re pretty and confident, and yet seem to slip into the shadows, hiding in plain sight. And the way you’re willing to go toe-to-toe with him.

He continues popping up, despite your rather clear initial disinterest. But as you spend more time together, he begins to grow on you slowly, more and more. Like a mold. Or a fungus.

One day, you notice that Enzo is significantly more agitated than normal. Broody and clearly in some type of mood.

You know it’s none of your business, but the library is unusually quiet and you can’t seem to get any reading done- so you bite the bullet and ask what’s bothering the boy.

And boy does it come pouring out. The wreckage that is his home life, the pressure of having eyes on him all the time, the fact that Mattheo and Theodore had somehow managed to flood their dorm.

It was a side of Enzo you'd never seen before. You weren't actually completely convinced that he even had human emotions before this. But it was nice.

He'll later be very shocked that his depressive rant is what somehow won you over. (Trauma Bond™️)

It all spirals from there though. It starts with hesitant fingers brushing each other from across the table, then "friendly" cuddling by the library fireplace, then stolen kisses in the crevices of the corridors.

Enzo loves showering you with love and attention. He has no qualms about planting a warm kiss on your lips in front of a crowd, but is equally content to smother you in the privacy of your own dorm room.

His favorite thing is the way you trace little phrases on the back of his hand or his arm when you don't want to say it out loud and has picked up on doing it himself when he can tell that you're stressed.

You balance each other out in the best way and Enz loves the fact that he has you all to himself.

[incohorace]

JEM CAN YUO TELL US MORE ABOUT MARCEL. PLEAS. ONLY SEEN YOUR LATEST POST ABT HIM ABOUT IM OBSESSED

I CAN & TYSM FOR ASKING ME ABOUT HIM. i will do my best to uh dissect him :-)

so marcel is a major character in my story the hands of god which is loosely set in byzantine italy!! better summary of it here because im lazy <3 marcel is one of the first and most important people who arrives in mizzene over the course of the story.

^ this is the moment when he appears. im gonna do this in bulletpoints because its easier to articulate my thoughts about him 😁👍

he is a sort of knight errant figure but like. in a historically accurate way (?)

he is passing through the home of the cicelis on his way to the nearby monastery to give up his violent lifestyle for a more devout one

gian (the narrator) and his older sister lucia are both very enamoured with him

after he becomes a monk he does end up having an affair with lucia although im fairly uncertain about the timeline there. but they are in love!!!! and they definitely match each others freak although eventually marcel. deviates a little

hes Very devout.

when he was still a 'knight' he did genuinely terrible things and acted with extreme violence on a daily basis. like this young man has committed unimaginable atrocities

the thing about violence is that sometimes you can claim to have rejected it but still carry it with you everywhere you go

and the thing about beauty is that it can be violence if you write it that way

and marcel is so beautiful and so blindingly bright in his faith in god and heaven and . it really is violent

another thing about the hands of god is that its all about the Outside – of mizzene and of gians apathetic consciousness

and gian is obsessed with both and can comprehend neither fully

and marcel is one of many embodiments of this Outside as he comes into mizzene from far away

he comes to exert a huge religious influence over mizzene and its people and this is also expressed in violent & invasive terms

he and his infectious religious fanaticism are a major catalyst for the major tragedy of the story

his faith is described in such a violent way because a) its extremely intense!!!!!! and it almost eclipses him in how powerful it is b) and by powerful i mean hugely contagious. yes like a disease. and c) nobody – not even he – can quite figure it out. because in words and consciously he worships the christian god etc. but subconsciously it seems like he has this incredibly pure and bright lens he imposes on the world around him almost like. coloured glass idk. and this burning brightness is god to him

and at the same time hes Desperate for More. e.g. 'that bright clear intensity in his eyes remained still, and still he directed it all beyond the sky, to wherever it was that all things dwelled in perfection and power and beauty flowed through every sphere of being.' hes always yearning for this Outside where everything is perfect and symmetrical and divine. (i hate plato so much but unfortunately this fucks)

anyways. this too is violence <3

and it does eventually cause Actual violence to happen. via scapegoating because of course. marcel cant help himself. hes spent soooo much time slaughtering innocent people 🤷‍♂️

oh also the Flesh is like. his enemy. metaphysically speaking. except when hes with lucia because hes nothing if not an accidental hypocrite

finally his relationship with gian is . hes devoted to him in the usual homoerotic knight/lord dog/owner way except not really because for marcel its subconscious and its not about gian at all its just about the devotion. and for gian its about his agonising crush on marcel which he does eventually somewhat get over. well not really but he later falls for a musician twink so theres that

^ um yeah this is what he looks like. ignore the vastly anachronistic knight armour <3