#it feels somewhat... incomplete? like in my head these characters were more finished

[britneyshakespeare]

The gaslighting Duke of Vienna

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

Could you do jackieshauna fic recs please? I loveee them!

Oh ABSOLUTELY!!! Thank you for asking!

There’s so many that I could recommend, and there’s no way I’d remember them all, so these are just some of my favourites from my bookmarks, mostly longer or multichap ones! All are complete unless otherwise stated. If you end up reading any I’d love to know what you think!

Putting them under the cut because this is a LONG post!

Check ratings before reading! Some are explicit or mature and I forgot to note that.

O Nyghtengale by nainabanaina

19k words, fantasy AU. Shauna is an exiled knight and Jackie is a Fae creature she’s instructed to kill in order to end her exile. Very pretty, nice and short novella type story. Written for The Princess and The Butcher prompt.

folie à deux by zoeyclarke

10k words, very dark. This is not a happy fic, but it is incredibly, incredibly well written. One of those fics that haunts you with how beautiful but twisted it is. Essentially a yearly ritual Shauna performs after returning from the wilderness as a way of dealing with grief. Technically major character death.

knock knock, let the devil in by TheDragonsLittleBird

58k words, Venom!Shauna AU. A very fun ride start to finish, heavy on the action and plot, mostly Shauna centric. You don’t need to know anything about Venom to enjoy the fic, but having some knowledge lets you pick up on extra little details. Author has also written incredible Spider!Lottie stories that exist in the same universe and happen before the events of this fic, but both can be read alone.

loudest are the things unsaid by 0gasstationcoffee

55k words, pre-canon. This is an explicit fic. Like, the plot is that Jackie and Shauna do progressively gayer things together while Jackie reminds Shauna that she’s totally not gay. It’s somewhat angsty, very hot, and very well written, great characterization as well. Because this technically is pre-cannon the ending is hopeful but not a ‘happily ever after’.

always be my baby by tabithatwo

343k words, incomplete. A fandom classic up there with you stay with the earth. A phenomenal read. Present day timeline au where Jackie survived, but Shauna doesn’t know that until the blackmail and other mysterious things start happening to our girls. This one has everything. Ensamble story of all our favourite ladies, suspense, action, intrigue, romance, this is a full blown novel that creates its own immersive universe. Long but worth savouring.

I feel more free than I have in years (six feet in the ground) by fowles

139k words, college au. The crash never happens but Jackie and Shauna still have their falling out, and both head to college separately, this is the story of them slowly reuniting over the four years they are apart. My summary will not do this story justice. This is THE college AU for me. Along with our in-show favourites the author also includes original characters that are part of the university journey, especially Shauna’s, and you will love them like you do the characters from the show, they are that well developed. Also featuring Jackie and Natalie bestfriendism, a huge bonus for me. If you read and liked ‘this little girl breaks furniture’ you will love this one, similar vibes.

when you look my way by shipmvn

318k words, incomplete. Honestly anything written by shipmvn you can assume will be amazing, and this is no exception. A canon-divergent fic where our team is rescued in a timely fashion and return to their lives in Wiskayok, but even though they were rescued quickly that isn’t something you move past easily. Very very slow burn, but tender and lovely all the way through.

all i wanted was you by britishngay

174k words, no plane crash AU. Set several years out of high school and after the falling out, our girls are grown up with lives and careers completely separate from each other. Until life throws them together again and they realize the tension that helped blow up their friendship is definitely still there. So they fuck about it. Friends with benefits AU, basically, but with a fully fleshed out world and plot and it’s a delicious read.

Taylor’s Eleven by mademyselfmythical

49k words, Oceans Eleven AU. Absolutely hilarious concept with flawless execution. It is what it says on the tin, it’s a heist story (or an anti-heist if you ask Jackie) but it’s also absolutely a comedy. Basically Jackie accidentally drives a getaway van and is determined to return what she inadvertently helped steal. A pure joy to read.

this little girl breaks furniture, this little girl breaks laws by Bandydear

155k words, rescued quickly but life keeps going, canon-divergent fic. Another classic. Top five if not top three JackieShauna fics I’ve read. You will fall in love with this world. Another JackieNat bestfriendism fic, and although this is technically both JackieShauna and LottieNat, Jackie and Nat’s friendship is truly the heart of this fic. Basically Jackie and Nat get a tiny flat in New York and together they learn how to live. Also one of the few fics that casually nails how fucked up Jackie and Shauna are about each other, but like, in a very much ‘match my freak’ way.

Who’s That Knocking At My Window? by nainabanaina

101k words, Vamp!Jackie AU! This fic is such a fun ride, it has a whole self contained plot and could be a book on its own essentially. Just, so much fun. Basically Jackie returns to Shauna, but a little bit wrong. Most of the story is told post-rescue.

VEAL by anaphoruh

80k words, time travel fic. This is definitely one that I’d read the summary and tags for, as it is an age gap fic (1996-ish timeline Jackie and 2021 timeline Shauna) with some darker aspects, but in my opinion it’s delicious. Incredible writing paired with exploring the darker aspects involved in Jackie and Shauna’s dynamic, but mostly in Shauna’s mind (because Shauna lived through the rest of the wilderness and then essentially another lifetime carrying the grief and the guilt of what happened out there. That doesn’t go away when some glitch it the timeline gives you back your teenage love a lifetime later.)

freeze, crash, burn, bury, linger by zoeyclarke

64k words, timeloop AU. This was one of the first longer fics I ever read for Yellowjackets! This author writes incredible fics that tend to be on the darker side, but this one is an exception. As frustrating and angsty but also funny as timeloops should be! Jackie relives the day of the crash again. And again. And again. Something has to change, right?

as i scan this wasted land, try to find the way i feel by commanderofraccoons

38k words, timetravel AU, but not in the way you think. When I first read the summary for this fic I wasn’t sure it was going to be my thing, but it was one of my first favourites I ended up discovering. Callie, Shauna’s daughter, gets yeeted back in time and space to the Canadian wilderness in 1996 with only her vape and her partially charged iPhone. Totally out of her depth, she finds an unlikely ally in Jackie, and helps mend some cracks along the way.

memento mori by britishngay

46k words, gladiator AU! Another totally wild AU, also written for The Princess and The Butcher prompt. A delightful read that tells its own story but keeps the heart of our beloved characters. A pleasure to read, would legitimately read this as its own stand alone book.

honey, you’re familiar (like my mirror years ago) by novel_concept26

40k words, timetravel AU. Another timetravel AU, but this time the whole gang is along for the ride! Not strictly a JackieShauna fic, this truly is an ensamble story, but it’s charming and adorable and Jackie does play a very important role.

kingdom for a kiss by hanjisgirlfriend

14k words, and they were Roommates! I usually most enjoy fics that are around or upwards of 20k because I feel like that gives enough time to fully flesh out a story, but this fic manages to tell an entire story, and beautifully at that, in only 14k words. Basically one of Jackie Taylor’s roommates doesn’t like her, and over the course of four months she strives to change that.

i look to you and i see nothing by theyellowumbrella

67k words, roadtrip au. Before you read this you MUST (in my opinion) read the companion fic ‘blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you’, 18k words. The companion piece was my first introduction to JackieNat bestfriendism and after reading it I could never turn back. Both fics are absolutely incredible, well written, beautiful journeys.

only you can breathe me back to life by RynWill

66k words, incomplete. Zombie!Jackie AU! Another ‘came back wrong’ fic! I love love love this fic, it’s just fun. Like, it’s both Yellowjackets and a zombie fic, so it gets dark and a little gory at times, but it’s basically a rom-com. Yes it’s incomplete but it’s so worth reading.

you stay with the earth by knifecrab

176k words, incomplete. Do I even need to put this one on here? This is THE canon-divergent wilderness fic for JackieShauna fans, even one of the people managing the Yellowjackets twitter has read it. It’s basically required reading. Some lovely people did give me a heads up for some postpartum depression in the later chapters, so I’m passing that knowledge along so you know going in.

wander your own land by namelessblade

379k words, incomplete. Very similar vibes to you stay with the earth, another canon divergent fic set in the wilderness where both Jackie and wilderness baby live, but notably darker. I found the later chapters a little bit frustrating to read, but it was a result of GOOD writing, you know that feeling of ‘I know this character WOULD do this, but I WANT them to smarten up’? Yeah, that. Absolutely worth a read, also big on the JackieNat friendship agenda, which is always a bonus.

you’re just a bee charmer by tabithatwo

53k words, catfishing/texting AU. I think this was legitimately the first JackieShauna fic I ever read? That was a while ago so I might actually go back and read this one, but it’s lovely and funny and pretty lighthearted. Also like everything tabithatwo writes it’s just generally incredible. Essentially Jackie and Jeff finally break up (for real this time) and to prevent their rollercoaster of a on-again off-again relationship from continuing Shauna decides Jackie just needs to know she has options. It was just supposed to be a quick supportive comment from a stranger to boost her self-esteem, really! But it certainly doesn’t stay that way. Definitely a go-to for a feel-good read.

talk, valentina! by shauna_apologist

78k words, no crash AU. Another one I read early on! Shauna starts getting bullied and rumours start to spread about her possibly not being straight, and Jackie takes it upon herself to become a better ally for her bff and her team. She gets a little more than she bargained for. Basically Jackie learns about comp-het and some things start to click into place. For a fic that does discuss bullying and comp-het this is a mostly fun, lighthearted read!

a secret third thing by jackiesear (Ash46luvr)

22k words, kid fic! Wilderness baby survives and upon returning to civilization Shauna starts to build a life for her and little Jack, and Aunt Jackie plans on being there every step of the way. Family dynamics can be confusing, but perhaps Jack actually sees something they don’t when Aunt Jackie starts to become ‘Mama’. Absolutely adorable fic, everything you could want out of a kid fic. Cozy from start to finish.

fixer upper by woodenpicador

27k words, rescued after three days/post college AU. Another one I read and loved early on. Jackie returns to Wiskayok after college to purchase a house with her boyfriend, but she soon realizes the house might need a little more work than she first thought. Luckily Nat knows a guy. (Spoilers, that guy is Shauna Shipman. But Jackie really does need to get this work done, and Shauna needs a place to stay, so they can be adults about it for a while, right?) Small town AU vibes, which I suppose is literally what it is.

once you stop, stop looking (it’ll hit you in the face) by novel_concept26

21k words, camping AU! This story is basically ‘what if instead of forced team bonding through trauma in the Canadian wilderness, the team just goes camping?’ and it is delightful. Not strictly JackieShauna but they’re definitely part of it, this is another true ensamble story. I basically smiled reading through the whole thing.

it’s like you’re made of angel dust by theyellowumbrella

34k words, college/sorority AU. Shauna is an aspiring journalism student who is looking for her ticket out and up to Brown where she belongs. Stuck at college for the time being she decides an exposé on Greek life is bound to be that ticket, so she works to infiltrate a sorority to get her scoop, but meets glowingly beautiful, kind, and surprisingly genuine Jackie Taylor in the process. A well written, fun, and mostly light read with some angst and inner ethical turmoil for spice.

WHEW this is a long post and took me a while to write, but I hope it’s worth it! It was genuinely fun to make! All fics are on AO3, I didn’t do links bc my bookmarks are on my laptop and I’m typing this up on my phone, sorry!

Edited to add links! So many of these authors also have other incredible works as well, if you enjoy one of the fics I highly encourage you to check out the author for their other works!

[queenimmadolla]

Hi! I’m a big fan of your work, I just read through most of what you had and saw some of your stuff is incomplete and I was wondering how you feel about the idea of maybe handing them off? In case you have a lot on your plate, I think there are plenty of people who would be willing to finish them off. Some of these are really good ideas. If not thats okay :)

Okay, I have been…thinking (derogatory) about this, for the better half of two days. More so, thinking about the gall people have to even approach me about this. All things considered, I like to think I am very un-confrontational. Despite past events, I actually hold my tongue quite a bit.

I hold my tongue when I have a somewhat original idea, and suddenly someone else does after I speak it out into existence. Maybe they were also thinking about it and only chose to post after seeing me speak about it, maybe it really was some race for accountability.

I hold my tongue when a similar work appears to mine, and it’s not a common trope, after I hit post. Maybe they had it in their drafts before I did, maybe they were inspired and they don’t wan to be accused of plagiarism. Maybe they thought it was a trend, because that’s what happened when people don’t give credit where credit is due; becomes a trend people think just manifested out of nowhere, rather than something that was started by an individual with a really good idea, etc.

And essentially, I hold my tongue whenever my muse is taken from me, bit by bit by both tumblr events and real life.

Please, do not ever, try to finish any of my works. Do not rip them off, do not entertain your own vision of it if it’ll lead you to try and finish MY works. I don’t care if it takes me 10 years to finish, you do not have my permission or the right to just “finish them off” and the fact that you thought you could simply ask for me to hand ‘em over, as if I didn’t put all my passion, creativity, personal experiences and love for these characters and these worlds into them, is very disrespectful and distasteful.

Some of these are really good ideas because I came up with them, and put the work in to them, on a doc, and then in your heads and hearts.

I’m sure you didn’t have pompous intentions by putting this in my inbox, but it was very slimy, especially with that that’s okay :), because I don’t need your permission or fluff to tell you no, you cannot write where I left off on my fics.

please do not ever bring this kind of shit into my inbox or to me, or to any writer, ever again.

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

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Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

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In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

[ultrahpfan5blog]

My very belated thoughts on Game of Thrones and season 8 in particular

I feel like I have a somewhat unique perspective on GoT. The show has been such a pop culture phenomenon that I feel that fans have been invested in it for years, either having been book fans who watched the show, or those having watched the show for the better part of a decade. For me, I was never a part of the fandom because I never watched the show until it was in season 7. The books sound great but because I can’t stand reading incomplete series, I have never read them, and at this point, it just feels unlikely that GRRM will end up finishing the series. That sucks because its just the sort of fiction that I would love. I started watching GoT in season 7, and then in season 8. Obviously, I had very little clue what was going on other than the broad strokes and I was watching purely because the spectacle and scale was something I had never seen before on tv. On that front alone it was entertaining. Given the incredibly divisive reaction, I didn’t feel like spending the amount of hours required to watch the show from scratch, but because covid ended up impacting so many ongoing tv shows and movies, I ended up deciding to give it a go. I started a couple of months ago and just finished season 8 a couple of days ago. Its been quite an experience, belated as it may be.

I still feel that I view the show differently than a lot of people. Obviously, its a very different emotional commitment for me, having watched the show in 2 months whereas other have watched the show for about 10 years. Having not read the books, I don’t have the issue of comparing the quality of the books to the show. And given I saw season 8, I watched the show with the ending in mind, so I could understand if the ending made sense to me or not.

On the whole, the show is worth a lot of applause. The production, acting, music, writing, visuals etc... is something I have never seen on tv. Juggling such a huge cast of characters with so many ongoing storylines is an incredible achievement. Say what you will about season 8′s writing, but from a production, scale, and performance standpoint, the show remained stellar all the way through. And for that, I do think D&D deserve credit. I know that is an unpopular thing to say but they still have created something that is truly one of a kind. The show is definitely not perfect, even before season 8. There are storylines that drag, storylines that aren’t given the time they deserve, character developments that don’t completely work etc... but I feel that is part and parcel of every long running show. There are very few that are perfect, and for the sheer complexity of the narrative, its amazing that the show isn’t more convoluted. I do agree that the final 2 seasons are the weakest seasons of the lot. I still think season 7 is very good, and the first half of season 8 I also like a lot, but seasons 1-6 are superb. Its difficult for me the select my favorite season. I suppose season 4 is probably at the top. Its kind of the end of the era season, with the death of Joffrey, Tyrion’s trial, then him leaving Westoros. Arya and Sandor’s time together coming to an end with her traveling to Braavos, death of Tywin, and Jon rising in the ranks of the Nights Watch and becoming a more prominent character in the show. I love seasons 5-6 because of the rise of Jon. Season 2 arc of Tyrion as hand of the King was also excellent. My favorite episodes all come from these seasons. I love the battle episodes, with Blackwater, Hardhome, and Battle of the Bastards being 3 of my favorite eps. The Laws of Gods and Men is another episode I love just for the climax where Peter Dinklage just tears into the scene with his full might. I also loved Pedro Pascal as Oberyn in season 4. He added a unique quality and I was sad to see him not last past season 4. There were a few storylines that I wasn’t completely fond of. The early years of Daenerys weren’t the most compelling, Arya in Braavos was just too slow for my taste, the Littlefinger and Sansa storyline in season 4 also felt like they were treading water and then they backtrack on Sansa’s development in season 5. Also, Staanis was someone who went a little too batshit crazy in his lust for power. Felt a little out of character.

Now, when it comes to season 8, There are a lot of complaints about a lot of things. I will say that the main issue with season 8 is that it crams what should be 2 seasons of storylines and crams it into a single 6 episode season. I think virtually every complaint can be traced back to that. I actually really like episodes 1 and 2. Especially episode 2. Brienne’s knighting is actually very touching. Its great to see characters reuniting and characters meeting for the first time. I know lots of people complained about episode 3 and while its not as good as the other 3 battle episodes that I mentioned before, I still think its excellent. I did not have the lighting problem that others had. I watched it on my laptop and I could see everything. The episode is titled ‘The Long Night’ so I expected things to be dark, but it isn’t as if I had trouble seeing what happened. The episode is incredibly intense and while its a bit difficult o figure out how so many survived and there are some questionable tactics for sure, its still quite a spectacular spectacle. My only issue with the episode is really all Jon related, which I will get back to in a bit. 

I know that Daenerys turning into the mad queen is a huge point of contention for the season. While I absolutely agree that that character arc went from 0 to a 100 way too fast, I don’t think it was completely out of the blue. Knowing the ending, I kept an eye on Daenerys, and I think there are a lot of instances where her first instinct to fixing problems has been to unleash her dragons. She has had characters around her like Selmy, Jorah, later Tyrion, even Daario, who have tempered that instinct somewhat. But that is still a natural instinct for her. Not to mention, in Essos, she was dealing with a fairly black and white issue when it comes to slavery. And she mistakenly thought, her experiences in Essos would translate to Westoros. She came with the idea that the common people would support her without fully processing the idea that she was bringing foreign armies into their land and three dragons, which had not been seen by people for generations. So they had legitimate reasons for fear. So it wasn’t completely out of the blue that she unraveled when confronted with the revelations that she was feared more than she was loved and that she did not have the sort of universal support she thought she would have. Obviously, that was compounded by the losses that she tacked up one after another. Definitely, one more season was required to make that a satisfactory arc, but I don’t think it was completely random. And honestly, once she did what she did in episode 5, she was never going to survive the show. I will say this, Emilia Clarke was outstanding in season 8. She was never the cast member who stood out in seasons past, but season 8 was really her season. While the character development was rushed, she sold every scene and earned her lead actress emmy nomination.

There are some endings which people hated which I understood. Like Jaime’s ending, which people were pretty pissed about, is an ending I quite get. As much as we love the story of redemption, the Cersei and Jaime bond was just too deep and toxic for him to so easily extricate himself. I get why he would be drawn back to her when he knew she was in danger. I think Lena and Nikolaj really sold their final scenes together. I felt for Lena as an actress. As a result of the short season, she really didn’t get much to do all season. Her death scene is really the only time she gets material to chew on. So that was a pity. I think Brienne and Sandor Clegane were two characters for whom their endings were perfect. Brienne becoming a knight of the six kingdoms and Clegane finally getting revenge on his brother was extremely satisfying. Theon’s ending was pretty much perfect. Sansa becoming queen in the North makes sense. The show seemed to be building towards it. Sophie Tuner gets some good material in the final season where you can see that there is a lot happening in her head and not all of it is altruistic. She does have a power hungry side to her, even if she’s not self destructively so. Maisie Williams was strong again. I wasn’t a huge fan of her getting to kill the Night King over Jon but there lots of good moments she has with Jon, Sandor, Gendry, Sansa etc... Bran becoming King of the six Kingdoms is definitely not the greatest ending. I don’t know whose decision it was to turn Bran into a robot and have him do nothing other than sit and stare, but it definitely wasn’t the greatest. I can’t imagine it was a particularly satisfying experience as an actor for Isaac. I did enjoy a couple of moments with him and Jaime, harking back to season 1.

The two other major characters are Tyrion and Jon. Certainly the finale is very heavily centered on those two. I do agree with the notion that they really dumbed down on Tyrion’s intelligence as he makes a lot of wrong moves in the last couple of seasons. But Peter Dinklage the actor has never disappointed. His performance in the finale ranks as one of his finest on the show. There has never been a time when he has not given his all. Him ending up as the hand is pretty effective ending. He is a humbled man, admitting that he’s not as smart as he thought he was. So maybe he would be a better hand as a result of that experience. Jon’s ending is another controversial one. I am in the audience who really wasn’t a fan of how Jon was treated in season 8. Kit Harington was quite poorly served in season 8, which was a bit of a whiplash since Jon was arguably at his most badass in season 5-7 and became a huge a fan favorite. Certainly he took over from Dinklage as the de facto male lead of the show. The character only comes back to life at the very end of episode 5. Part of that is probably the point. That Jon became too bent to Daenerys’ will, as Varys said.to Tyrion. It took Daenerys burning down King’s Landing to wake him up. I get that from a narrative standpoint, buts its dissatisfying from a character perspective when its the final season. Certainly I found it very strange how little role he played in The Long Night, given the White Walker storyline was Jon’s primary storyline on the show. Put aside killing the Night King, a showdown which was promised on the show, he didn’t even do much else in the episode. At the very least he should have gotten to destroy the undead Viserion. The memes about his dialogue in the season aren’t unfounded. But, I will say that Kit Harington is fantastic in the series finale. He arguable has the centerpoint scenes of the finale, the two scenes with Tyrion, and then the scene with Danaerys where he is literally begging her to give him a reason not to kill her and she keeps saying the wrong thing. Certainly Peter and Kit end the season on a high note. Him ending up with the Wildlings seems appropriate because Jon never seemed cut out to be King, nor did he ever want that responsibility. He probably would have been better than Bran, but its a decent enough ending for him. In the end, the way the show ends I was mostly ok with, but the path to getting there should have come with one extra season at least.

In the end, the production and the acting will always be something I will remember. I didn’t even mention great performances from Sean Bean, Charles Dance, Alfie Allen, Stephen Dillane, Conleth Hill, Aiden Gillen, Diana Rigg, Jerome Flynn, Liam Cunningham among many others over the years. So even though I do have issues with the final season, I feel that the good far outweighs the bad when it comes to the show. Its not a show I foresee rewatching any time soon since its one of those shows that requires some digestion and a lot of hours, but I certainly don’t regret the time I gave to it.

[guiltysecretpasttime]

Airbender’s Wife (part 2)

Hmm, posting this fanfic before the weekend is over *twiddles thumbs*. Still incomplete though; will add the continuation within the week.

The Airbender’s Wife (part 2)

Note: This is literally a continuation of The Airbender’s Wife, which is an off-shoot of Contentment – which follows the “what if” Lin Beifong and Tenzin had a happy ending/beginning (all posted under the linzin fanfic tag in my tumblr).

Pairing: Legend of Korra: Lin / Tenzin; not canon compliant

------------

Tenzin’s body clock has always been programmed to be on time for morning meditations. No matter how tired he was, he will feel restless and wake up at the same time (getting up is a different thing altogether though).

That day was not an exception.

He stretched his arm to his right, intent on drawing his wife closer for a few more minutes before rising, but instead his hand landed on cool bedsheets. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he got up nimbly and wandered around the house, hoping to catch his wife before she left.

The airbender found Lin standing in the dining room, garbed in a long Earth Kingdom-styled dress, a small face mirror propped in front of her at the sideboard as she attempted to clip a rather stubborn curl of her hair.

“Up early?” He approached her, landing a kiss on her cheek.

“Ba Sing Se day, Tenzin.” She responded, not looking away from the mirror.

“Ah, here, let me.” Taking the clip from her, he easily pinned her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “How about I join you today? I don’t have any council business.” He gave her a hug from behind, squeezing her hips lightly, hinting of a promise that would likely end up with a less than productive day for them both.

“Right,” She brushed him off. “But you’re off to train the Avatar -.”

“Korra, dear.”

Lin rolled her eyes affectionately. “You don’t have council meetings today because you have to train Korra.”

“Then how about I bring Korra to Ba Sing Se?” Tenzin persisted, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

“You also have scheduled meditation with the air acolytes today. And Tenzin, do be serious,” She finally faced her husband. “The girl has barely gotten used to Republic City – you wouldn’t want her presence to cause intrigue in Ba Sing Se. Next, you’ll hear Izumi would be requesting for the Avatar to drop by the Fire Nation.”

“Fine,” The airbending master glumly conceded as Lin pushed him slightly to get around the table to prepare for her trip. “Can’t say I didn’t try though.” 

In general, the airbender disliked being apart from his wife for long periods of time – what more today when she was looking particularly radiant. As much as she did not prefer what she called as business outfits, they suit her well. He also knew that Lin dresses up accordingly as what is expected of a Beifong lady.

Tenzin observed Lin who was in a layered dress of forest and emerald green, with a low v-collar, lined with golden accents. The dress also had slits, which he (as a husband) appreciated on her but (also as a husband) especially minded that other people would likely appreciate it on her as well. His wife insisted on them though (“That is too high, Lin.” “No, it’s not – it’s functional, enough for bending”), explaining that a tight dress would only hinder her bending, and in turn be an obstacle in protecting herself.

Not like there was anything he could do to sway her when she has set her mind to something.

“What,” He pulled her closer to him as she paused as she caught him staring, raising an eyebrow in return. “I can’t help it, are you sure you don’t need a bodyguard to join you?”

“Bodyguard – you? Mr-Violence-is-not-the-answer?” She felt his lips creep from her cheek to the side of her lips. 

“You know what I mean.” Tenzin said seriously as they stood close to each other.

“I’ll be fine,” Lin responded and adjusted her bangles and bracelets. “I’m prepared as always.” The metal bangles and bracelets would function as more than fashion accessories should need arise. She swept the folders and other envelopes into the beaded bag she had on the dining table. “I’ll be back before you know it, I just need to reach the train station in time for the first train to Ba Sing Se.”

“No, you’re not riding the train to Ba Sing Se in that!” Tenzin sputtered, gesturing to her clothes.

“Why? As far as I know, the train stations are pretty safe,” Lin was offended. “I made sure that there were roving guards and security checks. People travel via train daily.”

“Well,” Tenzin conceded. “But not you!” He tugged at his beard in slight agitation, as Lin placed her hands on her hips. “Take Oogi with you.”

“Travel via sky bison -no thanks!”

“For my peace of mind, take him please.” He softly requested and he saw his wife ready to give in with a slight incline of her head. “And, wait a second.” Tenzin hurried to their bedroom as Lin finished packing her bag.

Lin felt the familiar weight of a pendant and the silky ribbon on neck when she straightened up. Her husband gave her neck a small kiss after he fastened the necklace.

“There, everyone will know that Lady Lin Beifong has yet to leave her airhead husband.”

“Tenzin.” Lin said with warning.

“Oh come on, you know what they think of me in the upper ring. I bet some of them have been hoping that you leave me or have had me offed for whatever nefarious reason.”

He was well aware of how, despite being middle-aged, desirable his wife was in all aspects. He might be the prized airbender but in the modern world (or even in the not-so-modern Earth Kingdom), she was definitely worth more with the literal Beifong legacy of wealth, power and social clout, not to mention her own bending skills were far more superior than most, and of course her position in Republic City was nothing to scoff at.  And of course, barring knowledge of any of those, he recognized that his wife posed an attractive (albeit mysterious) figure.

“I think I can handle myself,” She said ironically, as the safety of Republic City’s entire population did rest somewhat on her hands. “Okay fine,” She gave in, seeing her husband not budging, arms crossed. “I’ll take Oogi but only to make it easy for me to travel back and forth.”

“You’re the best,” He gave her a light kiss and strode off to the stables.

-----

“Good morning, Korra.” Lin watched in amusement as the Avatar slowly inched her way to the dining room, rubbing her eyes and rolling up her air acolyte clothing sleeves, mumbling a response.

“Tenzin’s not going to like your outfit, kid.” She raised an eyebrow at the teenager.

“What?”

“Your sleeves.” 

Korra unfolded her sleeves and plopped on the nearest chair as Lin poured her tea.

After taking a sip, Korra became aware of a far-away noise and that it was the Chief of Police sitting in front of her.

“Wow Lin, going somewhere?” 

“Hmm?” Lin absentminded fiddled with her betrothal necklace; she appeared to be waiting for something as she had already finished preparing for the trip. “Ah yes, Ba Sing Se for estate and business matters.”

“Not in your police uniform?”

“No, I don’t think the business people will take me seriously. They’ll probably think I’m my sister’s bodyguard.” She snorted, an action seemingly out of character with the fine clothes she wore. “I have to know how to play the role of Lady Lin.”

Now, it was Korra who snorted and coughed, realizing that this was Lady Lin. The Avatar took the opportunity to inquire, to learn more about her airbending master’s wife.

“What does being Lady Lin Beifong entail?”

“Ah well, I just don’t think I should be called Lady anything. Sounds a bit archaic, if you ask me.” 

“But why are you Lady Lin?”

“My mother is currently Lady Beifong. So I guess my sister and I just follow? And they just haven’t been sure what to call the wife of Master Tenzin I suppose.” The earthbender shrugged gracefully, exhibiting the result of years of being trained in etiquette befitting the Ladies Beifong.

“But still…” Korra’s eyebrows furrowed as she sipped her tea. “What’s in Ba Sing Se?”

“Well,” Lin continued. “It’s the mid-point across Gaoling, Republic City and Zaofu so that’s where my sister and I conduct regular meetings with the board and the executive committees of the Beifong companies and properties.”

The Avatar was about to probe further when there was a commotion outdoors and the Avatar vaguely heard Tenzin talking to an air acolyte about saddling Oogi.

“He’s a bit overprotective, sometimes.” The metalbender stood up, ready to leave.

The presence of the airbender halted their conversation. “You sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes, dear. I’ll be safe.” 

“See you later.” Tenzin gave her a quick kiss as she passed by him.

Lin slung her bag and nodded to Korra. “Avatar.”

“Chief.” The Avatar gave a small wave.

“Well, let’s get to business.” Tenzin beckoned for his pupil to follow him outdoors.

Korra quickly finished her tea, scalding her tongue. But at least she would be awake.

-----

Unfortunately, there was not much difference from the previous day. Korra was still unable to release a puff of air from her hands and had difficulty getting through the airbending gates. Tenzin was similarly frustrated with himself.

It was at this sad state of things that Lin arrived at early evening.

Korra was lying on the ground trying to airbend when Oogi made a landing and sent dust skittering off.

“You okay there, kid?” Lin checked in on her as she slid off Oogi’s back, several packages in hand.

Korra just made an X with her arms, while having her eyes closed.

The earthbender smiled sympathetically. “It’ll get better.” She stepped over the defeated Avatar-in-training and gave her thanks to the air acolyte who had taken Oogi’s reins to lead him to the stables. “Clean up and dinner will be ready soon. I brough home food from Ba Sing Se, including Water Tribe dishes.” She entered the house, coming across her husband in the living room.

Tenzin eyed the packages that Lin brought home. “Had fun shopping, dear?” 

“Just a bit,” She shrugged as she carefully placed them on the dining table. “Here’s the contract for the renovation; the Zaofu workers will be in Republic City early tomorrow morning.” She tossed him the folder. “I’m assuming you can file this in city hall?”

“Thanks.” He absentminded took the folder. “How is Suyin?”

“Su is Su. She lives in her own world – literally. I had to make her promise to avoid visits to Republic City for the time-being given the increasing clashes between benders and non-benders.” She looked up and knew from his expressions that he was worried. “How was training Korra today?”

“I can’t get through her,” Tenzin disclosed, frustration coloring his tone. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Be kind to yourself,” She began unpacking the food she brought home. “Republic City wasn’t built in a week. You’re both adjusting. These takes time, and you’re a pretty patient man and I know that from experience.”

“I don’t feel patient today,” Tenzin allowed himself to be embraced by his wife, murmuring in a downcast tone. “How about let’s eat quickly and retire early tonight?”

“Unfortunately for you,” She pulled up the newspaper from the sideboard and pointed to an article. “Tonight’s the Pro-bending semi-final qualifiers and you know I can’t miss it.” 

Tenzin groaned in disappointment. “Liiiiin.”

“Tenzin,” She laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll have dinner before I join the boys.”

-----

“Where are you going?” Korra asked.

“It’s Pro-bending night.” Both adults responded to her, one excited and one sullen.

“You don’t like Pro-bending?” The teenager asked her airbending teacher. “It’s been my dream to watch one of the matches live. Never thought I would be a ferry ride away from the arena!”

“It’s a mockery of the traditions of bending!” He threw up his hands.

“Oh come now, Tenzin,” Lin inclined her head to the grumbling airbender. “It’s no Agni Kai but it’s adequate entertainment.” 

“That’s just it – entertainment.”

Korra looked back and forth at the volley of responses from her hosts.

“Spirits forbid anyone have fun in your vicinity, Airhead.” Lin took it in stride. “Mother did say you were always the serious one.” She tugged lightly at his beard before standing up to take the trays of food and drink outside.

“Can I listen too?” The Water Tribe born Avatar tentatively asked.

Tenzin frowned deeply as he met Lin’s amused face, eyebrow raised in challenge. “Fine, but meditation for you starts 15 minutes earlier tomorrow.”

Letting out a whoop, Korra stood up and took the other tray of drinks and followed Lin outside, where the White Lotus sentries were gathered around the radio.

“Hello, men.” Lin made their presence known as she placed the tray on the wooden table at the station.

“Good evening, Lady Lin, Avatar.” The sentries chorused as they scattered to make space in the half-circle to provide seats and to take the trays from Lin and Korra’s hands (“Call me Korra!”).

The Avatar-in-training watched in amazement as Chief Beifong sat among the White Lotus sentries, comfortable in her Earth Kingdom dress. The lady was laughing in camaraderie and was even exhibiting that she knew them all by name. She chatted with them as they shared the finger food she brought home from Ba Sing Se while waiting for the commentator to finish with all the introductions and recaps. Korra figured it was not their first time to do this.

“How is your daughter, Hung? Did she like the mini pots and pans?”

“Oh yes, Chief, she enjoyed having a mini kitchen set to play with.”

“Lady Lin, my mother sends her regards.”

“Ah yes, Minha, I hope she’s getting used to the South Pole well.”

“Yes and she appreciates the coat you sent her through Lady Kya.”

Korra enjoyed herself immensely, freely laughing and feeling the start of an affinity with the White Lotus sentries. It was a far cry from the feeling of isolation she experienced back in the South Pole. They booed and cheered accordingly as the matches went by. They did not seem to particularly take her Avatar status with a lot of fanfare, which she liked.

She watched the metalbender at the corner of her eye – for all her misgivings, it would seem that the airbender’s wife was not all that bad as literature and media made it seem. The woman was laughing, no condescension in sitting and eating at the same space as the sentries. If it were not for the golden filigree and her attire, Korra would have thought her a part of the team. She was pleased to see that Lady Lin had no airs, which was more than could be said of her own Northern Water Tribe cousins.

“Excuse me, good evening everyone.” Tenzin’s voice cut-through the din. “Just checking if I may now take my wife home?”

The sentries stood up to give a bow, which the airbender returned and waved off.

“But we’re just getting to the good part,” Korra almost whined. She anticipated that she would be told off to go to bed too.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Lin accepted her husband’s hand as he helped her up from her stool. “I’ll go ahead, you all have stay and finish the match.” She motioned to the group. “I trust you’ll be able pack up later and finish your shifts?” At everyone's affirmative, she placed a hand on Korra’s shoulder. “Alright, see you all tomorrow – well, maybe not all: Aki and Sansan, I think you're both off duty tomorrow.”

With that, the group bid the pair good night. 

“Say what you will about those two,” Head sentry Yao, one of the more senior ones in the group, jerked his head towards the couple going back into the house, with the airbender still tightly holding his wife by the waist, tripping with faint laughter trailing behind them. “But they’re definitely a love match.”

“Never seen a more dedicated wife like the Lady Lin,” A dimpled sentry (Aki was his name, if Korra was not mistaken) commented wistfully (“And vice versa on the airbending master as a husband!” Another piped up). “I don’t get it why they get so much flak from the Order and the press.”

“Tradition,” Yao scoffed. The rest of the sentries turning to face him, relying on his experience as fact, being that he had been on Air Temple Island as a junior sentry during the previous avatar’s term. “If anything, they know the Lady would not be held down but they expected Master Tenzin to at least be a bit more pliable. A little bit more steeped into tradition, you know?”

Korra accepted a mini fruit tart that was being passed around the group, as they wait for the advertisements from the radio to finish. There was a lot, given that it was probably the third to the last ad slot. 

“It’s not like Chief Beifong was wasting her time in Republic City,” Han revealed that he used to be part of the Metalbending police department until five years ago when he decided to heed an offer from the Order of the White Lotus. “She had always been fair – very strict – but fair. Highly competent and much more capable than the entire City Council put together in protecting the city (“Shhh, don’t let Councilman Tenzin hear you!” “He meant keeping the city crime stats lower – that can’t be achieved by peacekeeping alone.” “Ah, right right. True.”).”

Into the third round of the last match (the Fire Ferrets were proving to be a well-trained underdog) , they felt the ground trembling.

Korra immediately stood up, tensing. “What on earth is that?” Earth tremors were uncommon in the South Pole, and if any, it did not seem to forecast good fortune. She distinctly noticed the unease among the sentries as they communicated non-verbally with each other. “Should we prepare for something? I can go inside and warn Tenzin!” 

“No!”  The vehement chorus of No’s surprised her.

“Well, okay – no.” She was confused now. “Is there an evacuation plan or is this normal?”

The sentries looked at each other, appearing unsure to Korra.

“Well?” The Avatar-in-training was poised to run into action at the first sign of danger, putting down her cup of water on a nearby tray.

Finally, head sentry Yao cleared his throat. “Don’t worry Avatar, this is very normal.”

Eventually, the floor ceased its apparent movement and there was a collective sigh of relief.

The rest of the sentries cast furtive glances at Korra as she sat back down, unable to fully focus on the game. The sentries, though, were easily engrossed in the match.

The match soon ended (“And the Fire Ferrets wiiiiiin!”) and everyone pitched in to clear the area. Korra hovered awkwardly, still on alert and very wary of the earth tremors.

As the last of the cups and trays were brought away, Yao took pity on the Avatar and wanted to give her peace of mind.

“You sure that was normal?” Korra twisted her hands in slight agitation. “That won’t cause the island to split and sink or something?”

“Yes, Avatar, there is no need to worry about it.” The head sentry accompanied her to the door of the Air Temple residential building.

“I don’t remember the island sitting on any fissure that would cause it,” The young woman wracked her memory for any geological feature near Republic City that could result in an earthquake. Man, she really needed to brush up on her studies. “I don’t think I’ve read about a phenomenon in the text way back.”

“Uh, it wasn’t a fissure,” Yao looked downright uncomfortable now. “And it’s a fairly new, uh, phenomenon; just a couple of years old.”

They have reached the entrance to the house; Korra paused and tilted her head in question. Just then, the ground shook a bit more for a few seconds long then every thing was still. “Tell me I didn’t just imagine that.” 

Two sentries (Ming and Jian?) passed by as part of their rounds. The head sentry nodded at them, “Will the two of you check The Area tomorrow?”

Ming and Jian saluted and Korra was left pondering why “The Area” sounded like it was said with capital letters, as though the White Lotus were talking about a very specific location.

“Better get some rest, Avatar. Good mood or not, Master Tenzin and Lady Lin wouldn’t appreciate it if we,” Yao rubbed the back of his neck as he turned back to the Avatar who was waiting for answers. “Continue to discuss the, eh, aftershocks of their evening exercises.”

Oh Agni, please swallow me into the ground now.

----

Welp. Playing with the idea on what the pair looked like to others they interact with on a day-to-day basis for more...~domesticity? Eh 😏 lemme know what you think.

===

My related posts:

Prologue (Contentment) 

Airbender’s Wife 1 | 3 | 4

[mayquita]

Damn You For Making Me  Love You (1/15) - Creep

I can't believe the day is finally here!! I'd like to express my gratitude to the moderators of @captainswanbigbang​ for creating this event and giving us the opportunity to finish and/or rewrite our previous works. It seems I work better under pressure, only in this way am I able to finish my stories, so thanks again for making it possible.

This is a finished and improved version(I hope) of my previous incomplete work. I included everything that appeared in its predecessor, that's why I decided to keep the same name, but I have also made some minor changes and, above all, I added quite a few more scenes, mostly flashbacks, which I hope have served to get to know the characters better and give them more depth.

This story includes 4 different POVs, Killian, Emma, Liam, and Elsa's. I found it interesting to offer the vision of the relationship between Emma and Killian through other people's eyes. It's not an angsty story, in fact, I had a lot of fun writing some scenes, so I hope you enjoy it.

Beta-Reader: Thank you so much, @ultraluckycatnd​ I couldn't have asked for a better beta. Thank you for all your effort, your suggestions, your advice and for always being there when I needed you. 

Special mention to @saraswans and @onceuponaprincessworld​, thank you so much for your perpetual support and for believing in me and in the story. 

Summary: Emma Swan and Killian Jones are close friends and co-workers. And both are in love with each other. The problem? They keep their feelings secret not only to the other but also to the rest of their friends. When Elsa, Emma's best friend and Liam, Killian's brother and Emma’s boss find out, they decide to form an alliance and work as a team with a clear goal, to get Emma and Killian to take the next step in their relationship and confess their love for each other.

Rating: M

Word count: ~ 7800 (98k total in 15 chapters)

Also: Ao3 / FFnet

Here we go... I hope you like it :)

//

Prologue - Creep

 Four years ago...

  What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

 The Kraken

The bar was located in a bland building, with nothing of interest to make it stand out except its spot near the marina. Even the sign with the name seemed dull and unwelcoming. Emma couldn’t help wrinkling her nose in disapproval while inspecting the facade of the premises carefully. If someone asked her, she would say that her goal was to gather information about the place where she might be working in the future. If she got the job, that is. The reality was a little different, though. She was simply using an excuse to delay the inevitable, reluctant to take the step that would carry her inside.

It wasn’t that she was a picky person in terms of job opportunities. Even without knowing what she would find inside, she was sure that she had worked in worse places. She had her standards, though, and she hadn’t worked her fingers to the bone to get her degree just to end up working in a damn bar.

"I need the money," she whispered to herself in an attempt to convince herself that she was making the right decision. She was the only one to blame for being in this precarious situation, after all. That's what happens when you run away from the person who broke your heart, leaving almost everything behind. Only one suitcase with a few belongings and her camera accompanied her on her escape.

In spite of everything, she should be grateful to have people around who cared about her, like her friend Elsa, who had welcomed her into her home with no questions and asked for nothing in return. That's why she was here today, in front of this building, because she couldn’t live forever under her friend's wing without having anything to contribute. She needed to feel useful.

I may not even be chosen, she thought.

Before deciding to enter, Emma grabbed her phone and looked for the job ad that had brought her here.

We are looking for new candidates to join our crew to help us refloat our ship before it sinks. If you are a creative, passionate person who likes challenges, this could be your opportunity. We only ask you to have knowledge in advertising and social media. If you are interested, contact our Captain for more information.

It was quite imaginative, she gave them that, with all that naval vocabulary being used in a clear reference to the name of the bar. But it also implied that they, the owners, had resorted to a somewhat desperate measure, probably because they were in a precarious position as well. She was not sure yet if that was something favorable to her interests. Anyway, there was only one way to find out.

After taking a deep breath, she opened the door with more determination than she really felt, hoping that maybe this time she would find the opportunity to start again on the right path.

In retrospect, she could say that the first thing that attracted her attention after entering The Kraken was the male figure located on what looked like an improvised stage, guitar in hand. Love at first sight and all that shit, as her friend Anna would say. Actually, that was the second thing that caught her attention. The first thing her eyes caught was the luminosity that radiated throughout the huge room.

Emma had to blink a few times at the unexpected and intense lighting of the bar, something she had not expected from such a place. She only needed a simple look around to discover the source of the illumination: the two walls in the far corner were adorned with huge, picturesque windows that were allowing the light to come streaming in. Her eyes widened with interest when she discovered a kind of gadget connected to what looked like two white curtains that were drawn back at the time.

  When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

 The melodious voice of the guy in the middle of the stage distracted her momentarily from the inspection; her gaze was immediately drawn towards him. 

She wasn't sure if the guy was deliberately ignoring her presence there or if he was so focused on his task that he hadn't even realized that someone was watching him, but at least that gave her a few seconds to appreciate the vision that appeared in front of her.

There was something hypnotic in the way his nimble fingers slid over the guitar strings and in how he was able to modulate his voice, creating a powerful melody that enveloped her immediately, causing the lyrics of the song to also slip from between her lips in a soft hum.

Maybe it was the unusual lighting of the place, or the nerves that reverberated inside her, or it might be the lyrics of the song that seemed to acquire a new meaning when sung in the voice of the stranger. Whatever it was, Emma felt the air charged with electricity as she approached the stage almost without realizing it, as if she was being attracted by a magnet.

It was then that he subtly moved his head, directing his gaze to her while still singing. Emma could swear that time stopped at that moment, while she also remained frozen in her position unable to look away from the bluest eyes she had seen in her entire life. 

A shiver ran down her spine when the guy sang the next verse as if he was singing directly to her, his intense eyes never abandoning hers.

  You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

 Emma shook her head in an attempt to get out of the trance as she pressed her lips together, holding back the humming. At least with the next verse, she came back to reality, suddenly remembering the reason for her presence there and her previous doubts.

  But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

 She certainly didn't seem to belong there, not with a guy too gorgeous for his own good. Although she wasn't even sure if the man worked there; someone like him around implied distractions that she neither needed nor wanted.

He hadn't spoken any words to her, but still managed to make goosebumps rise all over her skin, not only with his impressive voice but with his enigmatic and piercing gaze and his dark hair falling on his forehead. Even his scruff with a shade of ginger was attractive. It was as if the guy had a danger sign over his head, so her instinct pushed her to turn around and run away from there. She would have done it too if it wasn't for the fact that the guy finally decided to stop singing and addressed her directly.

"It's for the sails."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The artifact, the one you were looking at before. It's for hoisting the sails."

What the hell was this guy talking about? The confusion was probably written all over her face because he raised an eyebrow while pointing behind her. Her brow furrowed as she turned her head in that direction. "The curtains are meant to emulate the sails of a ship. You know, naval decor and all that stuff."

He had an accent. Of course, he had an accent. Emma hadn't been able to detect it while he sang but just a handful of words had been enough to show it.

Reluctant to look at him again, her gaze focused on the curtains for a few seconds. It was quite creative, she would concede that. Even now that the curtains were raised, she could imagine the effect it would cause with dimmer lighting. The gears of her brain began to work, looking for the possible potential for that design.

"I thought you would like to know, given your apparent interest."

When she turned again she found a disarming smile and a smug expression on his face. As if that were not enough, he also had the audacity to wink at her. Seriously ? Emma would have stood there paralyzed with her mouth hanging open, unable to process what had just happened had it not been for another voice stealing her attention right at that moment. A voice that was addressing her from behind the bar.

"Hello, lass. What can I do for you?" The man who was speaking offered her a kind smile to which she responded with a timid one of her own as she forced her feet to step away from the stage and head toward the bar. The man looked somewhat older than the musician and, although they shared similar features, his hair was curly and his blue gaze less intense. He also sported a warmer expression, much to her relief.

"Uhm, I'm Emma. Emma Swan. I came for the job interview."

The man's face lit up immediately as his smile widened. "Emma Swan, of course. Nice to meet you." He offered his hand before continuing. "Welcome to The Kraken, lass. I'm Liam Jones, one of the owners and The Captain of this fine vessel." He waved his hand to encompass the entire room and then pointed toward the stage, so Emma had no choice but to look there again. "And that scoundrel up there would be my first mate, also known as my little brother, Killian."

"It's younger," the man, Killian, grumbled, a scowling expression on his face. She heard Liam snort behind her and she was going to turn again to focus her attention on him when Killian softened his features immediately, his lips drawing a bright smile and a special sparkle appeared in his gaze. "Pleasure."

He was trouble, she was aware of it. She didn't need trouble in her life. She was looking for a job, not a hot guy who had the ability to make her feel as if she had melted from the force of his penetrating gaze.

"Well, now that the introductions are made, what do you think if we get to business?" Emma had to suppress a sigh of relief when Liam came to her rescue. Yep, business, that's what she was here for.

After one last look at the stage, she turned back to Liam, but before they had time to start talking, a sound coming from the stage caused a chill to run down her spine. The bastard began to sing again.

  I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

 The corners of her lips twisted up as the lyrics of the song seeped deep into her, causing a strange sensation to settle in the pit of her stomach.

She ignored that feeling and focused on Liam's warm smile and the cozy decor that surrounded her. She found herself beginning to envision all the possibilities to boost the business, detecting with a simple glance the huge potential that it hid. Kilian might mean danger, but she had dealt with worse. Yes, she definitely might belong there, at least professionally speaking.

 //

Emma Swan - October 2019, present day

The streets of Boston passed before her eyes at full speed, wrapped in the lights and shadows typical of the night in a big city. When the cab stopped at a red light for what seemed like the millionth time, Emma groaned quietly, unable to hide her displeasure. She could feel Elsa's inquiring gaze directed at her, but showing off her stubbornness, she chose to ignore her while she kept her head turned towards the window.

The trip home had become torture. She couldn’t wait to get to her apartment, lock herself in her bedroom, and bury her head under the pillow. But it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. A huff of annoyance escaped between her lips as she cursed inwardly. Damn Irishman! The person who had ruined her night had a proper name. Killian Jones.

At least Elsa, sitting next to her, had the good sense to remain silent. Emma, though, could see from the corner of her eye that her friend kept giving her inquiring glances that also contained a hint of concern. Damn Killian, she repeated to herself as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the seat. 

And to think that the night had started so well, full of expectations... For the first time in what seemed like ages, her boss, Liam Jones, had taken pity on her and Killian and given them the whole weekend off. 

She didn't remember anything like that in the four years she had been working for him. Well, there was that weekend, when the three of them went out of town to do some purchasing, when... Don't go there! She stopped that escalation of thoughts before it was too late. Certainly, the memories of that glorious weekend weren't going to help improve her current mood. Even so, she didn't have enough willpower to stop thinking about what had happened just half an hour before…

 "It will be a quiet night, I'll manage with only Ruby and Robin. The bar can survive for a couple of days without you. Now, guys, go out and have fun," Liam explained to both she and Killian. He used that condescending, patronizing tone of his, as if he were speaking to his own children.

Any other time, they would have reacted the way they usually did when Liam used that tone, rolling their eyes or raising their eyes to the sky praying for patience. On this occasion, though, they were so surprised by the offer that they simply looked at each other with wide eyes and mouths hanging open, as if they didn't quite believe their luck.

That's how she ended up organizing a girls' Friday night with Elsa and her sister Anna, a night she hoped was full of good music, drinks, and great moments with her two friends. 

Everything went well for a while. But then, in a twist of fate, he appeared in the same damn bar they were in. Killian Jones, in all his splendor, with his swagger moves, his devilish grin, and his bright blue eyes with the ability to pierce hearts. 

The problem? He wasn't alone.

Their gazes connected for a brief instant, in spite of the crowd around them. Everything else ceased to exist at that moment, at least until her eyes moved to his left. Killian's left arm was placed around the shoulders of a petite brunette. Belle. His friend. HIS FRIEND. His best friend forever, the one he had grown up with was in the city. With him. Fuck!

Emma knew of Belle's existence, of course. She had met Killian shortly after he had traveled from Ireland with his father and brother after his mother passed away. Belle had been their neighbor, the first person to help them adapt to the differences of a strange country for them. Over time, and after their father abandoned them, the two brothers had moved to a new city in search of new opportunities but they had never lost contact with her.

Although Emma would never acknowledge it out loud, she had always been a bit jealous of Belle; not at a sentimental level, but rather at one related to friendship. Belle was the one who shared the memories of a lifetime with the Jones brothers, while she had to settle for those created during the last four years. They were pretty amazing memories, but not enough, not if she compared them to Belle’s.

She had always managed to hide that irrational jealousy, a fairly easy task considering that Belle didn't even live in the same state. She had always been a distant figure for Emma. 

Until now.

Today she was here with him, and her thoughts began to spiral, gathering in her mind and gradually clouding her mood. 'Why didn’t Killian tell me anything before? Oh! Is that why Liam gave us the weekend off? So that Killian could hang out with Belle? Isn’t she smiling at him too much? Why does he still have his arm around her shoulders?'

Everything went wrong from that moment. He came to where the women were and introduced them to his friend. All Emma managed to hear was how Belle was addressing her, grateful to finally meet her in person, but she barely paid attention. She didn't mind being rude, she’d have time to regret her behavior later. She was busy putting all her efforts into keeping her face straight enough to hide her inner agitation. He, on the other hand, also acted strangely as he met them, glancing around absently, shifting his weight from foot to foot, hand scratching the back of his ear.

After a few minutes of awkward conversation, Emma just left the bar, alluding that she was tired, with Elsa following on her heels without saying a word while Anna remained there, chatting with Belle and Killian. 

Fuck, Fuck! Why on earth had he ended up in the same bar as her? As if there wasn’t an endless amount of bars in the damn city.

 Emma came back to reality when she realized that the cab had finally stopped in front of her building. She didn’t even bother to pay, she left the vehicle quickly, thinking that perhaps, if she hurried enough, she could reach her bedroom and lock herself in there, thus preventing Elsa's interrogation.

Luck was not on her side tonight, of course. She lost precious minutes trying to find the keys inside her purse, as a series of curses escaped her mouth. “Where are my damn keys?" she muttered in frustration.

It was then that Emma remembered she had left her keys forgotten inside the apartment, something that didn’t concern her at all at first since Elsa accompanied her. She groaned, smacking her forehead slightly against the door. 

How could she be so stupid?

"Were you looking for these?" Elsa arrived at that moment, her hand held up holding her keys and an inquisitive look on her face.

A sigh of resignation escaped her mouth as she stepped aside, allowing Elsa to finally open the door, the possibilities of locking herself in her bedroom without having to give any explanation completely vanished.

Still, she was reluctant to confess. If she had managed to keep the secret of her feelings for... an eternity, why should she give any explanation now? Maybe if she dropped herself on the couch and pretended to fall asleep…

In fact, that was the first thing she did as soon as she entered the apartment and removed her heels. She collapsed on the sofa, covering her face with her right arm.

"Okay, enough. I thought the ride home would calm you down, but it seems like it's not like that, so tell me, what's going on, Emma?" Elsa's soft voice reached her ears but she did not respond at first, remaining in stubborn silence.

Elsa sighed and for a moment Emma thought she would let things be. She was wrong, of course. "Since the night has been ruined, I have a few hours to go, so I'm going to sit right here, right in front of you, and I'll wait for you to stop behaving like a child. I'm an older sister, remember. I know all the tricks."

Emma moaned inwardly, finally giving up and sitting down. "It's nothing, I was just tired,” she mumbled, avoiding her friend's gaze.

"Tired..." Elsa cocked her head slightly as she narrowed her eyes. "You know I'm not buying it, right? Come on, Emma, I know you always keep to yourself how you feel, but I also know this never ends well. So tell me, what's wrong?"

What’s wrong? That's what I want to know, she thought. She wasn’t able —or more like she didn’t want to — put a label on her feelings, at least out loud. Killian was her best friend, for the love of God. Since both of them worked in the same place, they spent most of the time together, either in the bar or in either one’s apartment, or having dinner with Liam... But this situation had caught her off guard and it had served to realize that perhaps she wasn’t going to keep Killian for herself forever. A groan escaped her mouth at the thought of that, though she sealed her lips hastily, unwilling to voice aloud how she felt.

Elsa looked at her expectantly for a few seconds, but seeing that Emma was remaining silent, she sighed again showing her frustration. However, she didn’t give up, much to Emma’s dismay. "Okay, you're not going to talk, so I'll have to figure it out for myself." Her eyes narrowed and her brow wrinkled in thought. "The night was going well, we were having fun, we had just got our drinks..."

Don’t go that way…

"Then we met Killian. We were talking for a while..."

Don’t.

Her eyes widened when she finally realized. "Oh my God! This was all about Killian! But why? Did he say something that bothered you or..."

No, no, go back, go back.

"He wasn't alone... he wasn't alone! This is because of Belle!" 

Emma moaned in response, putting her hands on her face.

"Emma..." Her voice softened. "You kept telling me Killian was just a friend, a very close friend, okay, but nothing more."

"It's the truth," she replied, not proud of the unconvincing tone of her voice.

"But you feel something more for him, don’t you?" Elsa insisted in a gentle but firm voice. Emma didn't even bother to answer this time. Her friend took her silence as an admission as she continued on that path. "Since when?"

Since when? Since ever? Since she entered The Kraken for the first time to do a job interview four years ago. Since the first thing she saw when she entered the bar was the hottest man she had ever met playing the guitar and singing. Since she met the deep ocean of his gaze as he continued singing as if he did it just for her... Oh, God ... "For a while," she mumbled.

"For a while," Elsa echoed her words. "You're telling me you've had feelings for Killian for some time, and you're not gonna do anything about it?"

"That’s exactly what I’m saying."

"Oh, Emma, you know that at some point you'll have to open your heart again, right? We're talking about Killian; not all men are like Neal or Walsh.” 

The mere mention of their names caused her to flinch, another sign of how broken her heart was still due to those two assholes. As if feeling her discomfort, Elsa approached and sat down beside her, taking her hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I don’t want to risk losing what I have with Killian." The connection she felt with him went far beyond physical attraction. It was something difficult to explain in words, but that connection caused endless sensations swirling inside her. She didn't want those feelings to ever end. "I would rather keep him as a friend than lose him forever." 

"But this is affecting you, Emma. Just look at your reaction from tonight. By the way, how could you be jealous of Belle? Besides, he's surrounded by girls all the time, flirting and flattering them. You witness that every day."

"It's not the same," Emma replied in a weak voice, feeling an incipient headache approaching. How could she explain how she felt? "At the end of the day, that's just a role. He doesn’t hook up any of those girls, hasn’t for quite some time anyway. We just close the bar and go home. But today... " She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "It's not just for his friend.” Although she couldn’t deny that for a moment Belle had been a threat. Once again, the feeling of not being enough had made an appearance. “Before he approached us, he looked happy and carefree. He not only had Belle by his side, but he could also have been able to get any of the girls from the bar."

"Maybe he would have chosen you..."

"No." She shook her head firmly. "It's... I didn’t expect to see him there, even less to see him accompanied by a woman, but everything is going to return to normal. It's the best thing for us.” She tried to convince herself, stubbornly ignoring Elsa's hopeful gaze. She wasn’t going to risk their friendship... 

Damn it! She was so fucked up.

//

Killian Jones - October 2019, present day

What a weird night!

Not only the night, actually. A strange sensation had accompanied him throughout the day. It was as if, after his brother had given them the whole weekend off, he didn't know what to do with that unexpected free time, apart from lying on the couch with Netflix as his only companion. Especially when he couldn't count on Emma as a source of entertainment either since she had decided to spend a girls' night with her friends.

But in a matter of minutes, everything had taken an unexpected turn. His childhood friend, Belle, had called by surprise for a brief visit. She would be in the city for less than a day, but had the afternoon off, so Killian quickly formulated an improvised plan.

That's how he'd ended up in the same bloody bar Emma had come to. Seriously, what were the odds? Of course, he blamed himself for having flatly refused to take Belle to The Kraken. — It's my free night, love. The last thing I want is to spend the evening in the same place as always. I know you want to see Liam, but he will be with you at the airport tomorrow .—

"Killian? Are you sure you're okay?"

Belle’s voice, coming from beside him, took him out of his reverie. He cleared his throat before answering. "Sure, love, just tired." He felt Belle's gaze scrutinizing him, but she just nodded without adding anything else.

They continued walking in silence, his hands in the pockets of his jeans and Belle's arm hanging from the hollow formed by his arm. It was a warm night, despite being in early October, so they had decided to walk back to the hotel where Belle was staying.

For a few minutes, he tried to focus on anything, the weather, Belle, the sounds of the street, but all his thoughts invariably ended up with one name that night. Emma Swan. So, despite the momentary interruption, his mind bent to remind him again and again of the situation he had lived merely an hour earlier.

 The choice of the bar had been totally random. It turned out to be the closest to the hotel where Belle was staying. But luck wasn’t on his side that night, or maybe it was because, within minutes of entering the bloody bar, a vision appeared before his eyes. A vision that was becoming his downfall. Emma Swan.

The person he had been secretly in love with for four years was right in front of his eyes. 

It was a pleasant surprise since he was so used to seeing her every day that, although he could not be happier to have a free Friday night, the possibility of not seeing Emma for a whole day was not so appealing.

At least he had been lucky enough to notice Emma before she realized his presence there, which implied that he would be able to put into practice one of his favorite hobbies, observe Emma while she wasn't looking.

No, he wasn't a stalker, but he enjoyed those little moments, such as seeing Emma with a wrinkle of concentration across her brow as she edited photographs, sitting in her favorite corner of the bar. Or watching how she got into the role of a tough lass when one of the customers tried to go too far with her. He also enjoyed hearing how she hummed his songs when she believed he was not listening. Or watching as she slept, unable to stay awake on one of their Netflix nights. 

He treasured those little moments as something precious, something that made Emma more real, but that at the same time served as a reminder that those moments were the most he was going to get from her. She was seemingly unreachable.

What he saw at that moment took his breath away. She was impressive that night. Not only did she look sexier than ever, but her eyes glowed in a special way, and her carefree smile did nothing to placate his agitation. When their gazes finally met through the crowd, it was as if everything else ceased to exist. At least for a few seconds. 

He then approached her and the spell broke.

The smile faded from her lips the moment he met her and introduced her to Belle. From there she began to act quite strangely, avoiding his glance, answering with monosyllables, becoming even a little rude to Belle. Why did she act like that? Was it because of him? They had talked in the morning and everything was normal. What was it then?

A feeling of unease settled in the pit of his stomach, something unusual in reference to Emma. His relationship with her had always been easy; they shared such a special connection. Unfortunately, that connection didn’t help him tonight, because he not only seemed unable to understand her strange attitude, but he himself began to act strangely.

After the first few minutes of awkward conversation, an idea began to settle in his head. Emma might feel uncomfortable about his unexpected appearance because she was looking for something different that night. Maybe a one-night stand... The mere idea made him feel sick to his stomach. When was the last time she...? No, he didn't even want to remember it.

For his luck or misfortune, Emma excused herself after only a few minutes, alluding to the fact that she was tired and saying goodbye with just a nod. Elsa, her friend, followed her, not before giving both him and her sister an apologetic look. 

Anna stayed with them for a few more minutes, but then she also left with the excuse that she was going to meet her boyfriend Kristoff in a nearby bar now that the girls’ night had been ruined. In a matter of a few minutes, he found himself alone again with Belle and with the endless troubled thoughts that had begun to gather in his head.

 “Killian?”

Belle's voice brought him back to reality again, noticing then that they had just reached the hotel entrance. Killian scratched behind his ear, casting an apologetic glance towards his friend. "My apologies, love. I got a bit distracted."

"Oh, I can see that." Belle crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head slightly, her eyes filled with curiosity. "Now, are you going to tell me what's happening?"

Killian swallowed, averting his gaze and directing it toward his feet. His feelings for Emma were something only he knew and he had every intention of keeping that fact hidden. That made things easier. "I don’t know what you're talking about, love," he mumbled, keeping his gaze on his feet.

“Oh, please.” He didn't even need to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes. “You've been acting strange from the very moment we met Emma. It was an awkward moment there at the bar, not just for you, but for her as well.”

"Ah, about that. I apologize on her behalf. Emma ..." Why was it suddenly difficult for him to even pronounce her name? He let out a deep exhale while rubbing his eyes before turning his gaze back to Belle. "She doesn’t act that way normally."

"You don't need to apologize." Belle stared at him for a few seconds before continuing. "She's not just a friend anymore, is she?"

“I don’t know what you are talking about, love." He plastered a fake smile on his face before continuing. "Emma is my friend, that's all." He was not lying actually. They were just friends, though all the fibers of his being craved for something else.

Belle held his gaze for a few seconds longer, as if she wanted to go through his armor and reach his secrets. Finally, she sighed, giving up. "Whatever you say, but you should talk to her at some point. There was a weird tension there. Whatever it is, you should fix it." She raised her index finger in warning.

"It's Liam's fault. He makes us work so hard that when we find ourselves with so much unexpected free time, we don’t know how to act. We’re not used to it." Killian tried to lighten the mood with an ingenious comment that would divert attention.

"Oh, of course, blame your brother. He's such a slaver." She rolled her eyes again as she let out a snort. But then her gaze softened, her hand caressing his arm gently. "You know it's time to move on, right?"

A lump in his throat kept him from speaking for a few seconds. He nodded, the corners of his lips pulled up in a small smile. If only she knew that he had already decided to move on for some time... But the fear of losing Emma had him paralyzed. He was unable to consider taking their relationship a step further. At least not until Emma was ready. And as it was currently with their situation, that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon. But he preferred to have what they shared now than to have absolutely nothing.

"Talk to her, or to your brother," she asked, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Have a safe flight, Belle. We’ll talk soon."

After saying goodbye to his friend with the promise of seeing her soon, Killian was reluctant to go home. The image of Emma in that ethereal dress and that dazzling smile didn’t stop tormenting him. The fact that her smile had turned into almost a grimace when she noticed him didn’t allow him to think of anything else. 

The restlessness and confusion that he felt, far from appeasing him, had settled in his stomach. He had to do something to distract his mind. That's how he ended up at The Kraken, with the full intention that music and rum would cloud his senses enough to get Emma out of his system, at least for a while.

Liam noticed him the moment he entered through The Kraken's door despite the crowd, showing off his sixth sense towards him. Fortunately, he was serving some other customers, so Killian was spared the inquisitive glances of his brother. 

He chose the bar area farthest from Liam and collapsed on one of the stools. He would have preferred if one of the two new bartenders were to serve him; they would have treated him as one more customer. But it was Robin, one of their oldest bartenders, the one in charge of that section of the bar, so he had no choice but to resign himself while waving his hand to get his attention.

"You look like shit, mate," Robin said while putting a shot of rum in front of him. At least he didn't need to even bother talking, his friend already knew his favorite poison. "And what the hell are you doing here on your night off?"

"Missed me?" he wiggled his eyebrows before schooling his features so as not to betray his inner turmoil.

"Actually I miss Emma, she's much nicer than you."

The fake smile faded from his face at the mere mention of her name. Luckily for him, Fridays were a busy night at The Kraken, so Robin’s attention was required by another customer, leaving him finally alone with his thoughts and his rum.

He brought the glass to his lips, letting the amber liquid slide down his throat, feeling the pleasant burn on its way to his stomach. Only when alcohol entered his system did he feel the courage to take the phone out of his pocket. He wondered if it would be a good idea to contact Emma, his fingers sliding across the screen without ever pressing Emma's name. After a moment of hesitation, he finally decided. He couldn’t leave things like this.

  Did I do something tonight to bother you? - KJ

Emma answered instantly, to his pleasant surprise.

Hey! No more than usual. ;p Why do you ask? - ES

A sigh of relief escaped his mouth, not just by her words but by the inclusion of that emoji. It was amazing how two simple characters could conceal so much meaning.

You acted strange tonight - KJ

No more than you... I was just tired - ES

Aye, me too - KJ

By the way, I'd like to apologize to Belle. I acted like an asshole to her. - ES

Nah, it's okay. Are you sure you're fine? - KJ

Promise. And you? - ES

I'm fine too. Ah! You looked stunning tonight, love. - KJ

You were not so bad yourself :) - ES

Any plans for tomorrow? - KJ

Pizza and Netflix? - ES

My apartment or yours? - KJ

Yours. Since Liam will be working, we'll be able to choose freely. - ES

Smart lass. Night Swan. - KJ

Night Killian - ES

 A sigh of relief escaped between his lips as he felt a weight removed from him, his lips pulling at a smile as he continued to stare at the screen.

"What are you doing here?" Killian looked up from the phone to find Liam, arms folded across his chest and a scrutinizing look on his face. "I seem to remember that I gave you the night off."

Killian grabbed his glass and raised his hand to Liam as if to toast. He took a sip of the drink before answering. "I'm here as a customer, brother."

At that moment, Liam reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out his phone. Killian watched as his brother's brow furrowed as he stared at the screen. He also detected Liam's eyes briefly straying to look slyly at him. A strange sensation washed over him as he stirred uncomfortably in his seat. This couldn’t be good.

Liam carefully placed the phone on the counter and folded his arms over his chest again. "So... what's wrong with Emma?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" His heart tightened into knots as his gaze drifted to Liam's phone. Little traitor. .. he thought. What the hell was he thinking when he decided it was a good idea to come to the bloody bar?

"Enlighten me, little brother."

Killian loved his brother, but he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, pressing all his weak points until he ended up pissing him off. This time his tolerance level was so low that he only needed a little spark to light the wick of his anger.

He clenched his jaw as he felt a growing rage running through his veins, urging him to act. Out of the corner of his eye, Killian glanced at his brother's phone one last time, and in a swift, fluid movement that left no chance of a reaction from Liam, he seized the device.

Liam's eyes widened in surprise at his brother's maneuver, but then he reacted, grunting as he tried to reach for the phone. "Give me my bloody phone, Killian!"

"Ah, ah!" Killian moved away from the bar, enough so that his brother couldn’t reach him and without further delay read the contents of the last message received.

Hey, Liam! We missed you this evening. I met Emma, at last. But I think something happened between her and Killian. Ask him, it seems that our "bro" has something to tell us. See you tomorrow. - Belle

"Bloody hell." The words slipped out of Killian's mouth without him doing anything to stop it. "She's such a traitorous lass," he hissed, the urge to throw the phone against the nearest wall almost uncontrollable.

Bloody hell... he repeated, this time to himself. He began to feel like a fish out of water, desperately in need of air. Killian had for so long hidden his feelings in front of his brother that he found it extremely difficult to expose them now; especially because he was fully aware that Liam would be excited at first for him, but then he’d feel as if someone threw a jug of cold water on him when he discovered that, whatever Killian felt towards Emma Swan, nothing was going to change their relationship.

Killian returned slowly to his seat, placing Liam's phone on the counter again. He gestured to the bartender on the other side of the bar to get another drink; the idea of confessing his feelings with more alcohol running through his system seemed more appropriate under the circumstances.

"You know it's rude to read private messages from someone else," Liam said to him in that calm, characteristic tone of his, one that was hiding a condescending hue that annoyed Killian enormously.

"Not if that damn message speaks about oneself," he mumbled. Killian didn't care at that moment if he behaved like a rebel teenager in front of his father.

"Have you argued with Emma? What is it this time? Netflix, the choice of dinner?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? Stop treating us like children. I'm not your son and Emma is obviously not your daughter."

"Then act like an adult and tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing. We met Emma in a bar. I don’t know what Belle was talking about."

"Okay." Liam grabbed his phone and began to slide his fingers across the screen.

A sensation of panic settled in the pit of his stomach. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Emma, of course."

"Don't you dare, brother," he hissed, casting a murderous glare at Liam as he again regretted coming here. What on earth was I thinking?

Liam seemed to think better of it because, after staring at him for a few seconds, he sighed and put the phone back on the counter. He then changed his attitude, softening his features as he addressed Killian. "Listen, it's obvious that something is happening. You know I care a lot about Emma. I just need you to tell me if everything's okay with her, brother."

Seeing his brother's face full of sincere concern stirred something inside Killian so, without even stopping to think of what he was doing, he confessed, kind of.

"It's nothing, really. We met her unexpectedly. For some reason, she started acting in an offhand way when she saw us and after a few minutes, she just left. But I texted her a few minutes ago and everything was fine." After a pause, he continued almost without being aware of what he was about to say. "I thought at first that my presence might have bothered her, in case I might be interfering in some way, preventing some guy from approaching her, but it seems she was just tired."

Liam's features changed subtly, as if a flash of realization crossed his face. His eyes widened slightly as one eyebrow rose slightly. "And that would have been a problem for you?"

Killian closed his eyes as he sighed. After two deep breaths, he set out to confess for the first time in four years. "Aye, it would."

Liam's eyes widened even more as a smile began to appear on his face, a smile in which his brother was depositing his relief and his hopes. Something that, unfortunately, Killian would have to cut.

"Before you start to get your hopes up. Yes, I have feelings for Emma. No, I do not think she feels the same, or at least I don’t think she's ready yet to open her heart. So nothing is going to change between us. Emma is my friend and so it will remain until she decides otherwise."

"Does Emma know?"

"About my feelings? Of course not."

After the initial impact of the confession, Liam seemed to react. He shook his head and brushed his eyes with one hand. "How could I know nothing? I mean, I know you care about her, and that you two are very good friends, but how did you manage to hide your feelings from me? I spend most of the damn time with you two!"

Killian ignored him, suddenly exhausted after the events of the day. But before he went home, he had to make sure of something. "Promise me you won’t tell Emma anything."

"Killian..."

"No, just promise me. Let me do this my way."

With a sigh, Liam agreed. "Okay, but promise me something in return. Promise me you'll be careful, okay? You finally have a chance to be happy, brother. Do not miss it, please. And don't hurt her."

The corners of his lips rose slightly at Liam's words. It was no secret that his brother adored Emma in a fraternal sense and that he cared for her almost as much as himself. He couldn't be more grateful that she had such a support group around her.

"Believe me, Liam, that would be the last of my intentions."

His initial idea when he arrived at the bar was to wait for his brother until closing time came and then return home together. But after what happened, he changed his mind. His only desire was to lock himself in his bedroom, bury his head under the pillow, and try to sleep with the vain idea that Emma's image wouldn’t appear in his dreams to torment him.

After finishing his drink, he murmured "I'll see you at home" to his brother while he waved and left the premises.

His walk home meant being alone with his thoughts. Far from vanishing, Emma's vision became even more powerful, filling all his thoughts. His mind was determined to remind him of the image of Emma in that damn dress that molded to all her curves and that neckline that hinted at what was forbidden to him. His body started to react, liquid heat heading straight south. By the time he got home, his pants were tight, a series of curses escaping from his mouth. He was helpless.

Killian reached his bedroom and undressed without bothering to put on his pajamas. He collapsed in bed, the need for release was almost painful so he had no choice but to take care of himself. As the strokes increased in pressure and speed, Emma's image became more real in his mind; her pink lips silently begging to be kissed, her defiant glance, her perfect body. His release came at last as he pronounced her name between pants, imagining that Emma was the one with her hand around his length. Bloody hell... 

He was so fucked up.

//

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :)

What to expect in the next chapter? We'll have another flashback of Emma's early months at the bar and we'll also see Liam's first attempt to push them together.

[songtoyou]

Chapter One: West Bridgewater

Paring: Ransom Drysdale x Fabiola Rossi (OC)

Rating: This story will mostly be rated 18+ as it is revolves around a relationship that is Dominant/submissive. For each chapter, I will do my best to rate it accordingly, but please know that the overall story will have very adult themes.

Warnings: None for this chapter

Word Count: 2,305

Description: Huge “Ransom” Drysdale always thought of himself as a powerful man. With his family’s money and status, Ransom could get away with anything. He had the power and control others would envy. Ransom could get any woman he wanted with a snap of his fingers. He was always in charge. He commanded attention. And he hated it. Never having a job in his life (thanks to his mother, father, and grandfather always there to supplement his bank account) or any real-life goals, Ransom felt incomplete and directionless. That is until Fabiola Rossi entered his life and turned it completely upside down.

A/N: I have not seen Knives Out. This is an AU of that world. I do not own any of the characters created by Rian Johnson. I have always thought of Ransom as a sub rather than a Dominant and this idea has been on my mind constantly that I needed to write it down. Anything in italics are to represent Ransom’s thoughts. 

I do not permit any of my fics to be distributed on other sites without my permission.

Updated for grammar and punctuation edits.

What is a dominant-submissive relationship all about? As mentioned previously, there is an energy dynamic between the two partners. It is the Dominant’s duty to protect and guide his or her submissive. The submissive, also called “the bottom,” relinquishes some or all control to the Dominant. He or she is playing out their own kinds and fetishes through the guidance of a Dominant. No actions or scenes can be played out unless the submissive has consented to everything the Dominant plans to do during a play session. A D/s relationship is not solely about sexual activities but exploring new and interesting ways to connect beyond sex. For example, the Dominate can set up simple rules that the submissive must follow, such as asking permission to stay out late or have ice cream for dessert. A healthy D/s relationship can lead to a life of self-improvement. 

“You got some mouth on you…I bet a ball gag would fit nicely around those pretty lips of yours.”

For some reason, Ransom could not get that comment out of his head. It was so unexpected and out of leftfield. He never had a woman said anything so bold towards him. No stranger to bondage with the opposite sex, it was always Ransom who was the one in charge. Women were more than happy for him to lead the charge. It was the only time Ransom was ever put to work, so to speak. Fabiola Rossi had managed to not only mystify the spoiled playboy, but he was not determined to find out more about her. 

So, Ransom did one any person in their mid-30s did when trying to find information about another person, he stalked her social media. He came up short. No Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram that he could find of her unless they were private.

“This is Fabiola Rossi. She is an inspiring editor herself. I have taken her under my wing as a mentor.” Ransom remembered from the night before when creepy old Charlie Van Houten introduced his grandfather and him to Fabiola. 

Of course, Fabiola had a LinkedIn page as she was a young working professional. Ransom saw that she graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in English and a minor in Psychology at Boston University. He noticed it had only been five years since she graduated from the university, so he suspected she was in her late twenties. Most of the jobs Fabiola received were internships or part-time positions. Not unusual for graduates looking to enter into the workforce. There was not much to offer due to the Baby Boomers not wanting to retire or companies being stingy with providing decent living wages or health benefits. 

“Intern. Van Houten & Thompson Publishing. March 2019 to current. Performs proofreading and editing of manuscripts and additional documents before the final publication,” Ransom read out loud as he continued to look through Fabiola’s profile.

He got up to reach for his coat to pull out his wallet. Inside was a business card of Charlie’s that he gave Ransom before leaving his grandfather’s party. Charlie told Ransom to keep in touch and that they both could talk about possibly working together. 

“If you have been working on anything, send it over. In fact, send it over to Fabiola. She’d probably love to read it and give you feedback. Give him your email address, honey. Any work you send over to her will be in great hands,” Ransom remembered Charlie saying to him last night. He looked over the business card and traced his thumb over Fabiola’s handwriting of her email address. 

He could not understand why this particular woman intrigued him so, despite only meeting her briefly the night before. However, Ransom knew he had an itch to scratch, and it was better to get it taken care of now before things got too out of hand. Before he became too obsessed.

Turning on his laptop, he waited for it to boot up. Opening his email account, Ransom began composing a new email to Fabiola. He kept it short and simple by asking if she was still up looking over what he was currently working on. 

Hi Ms. Rossi,

It was a pleasure meeting you last night. Hope you are doing well. If you are not too busy, do you mind if I send over the story I am currently working on? I do not want to impose if your schedule is too busy, but Charlie had such high praise for you, and I would appreciate the feedback and insight from you.

Talk to you soon,

Ransom 

He clicked the ‘send’ button and waited. Thankfully, he did not have to wait too long for a response back.

Hi Ransom,

I am so glad you reached out. Please call me Fabiola. 

Yes, I would be more than happy to beta read anything you send over.

Sincerely,

Fabiola

“Hook, line, and sinker,” Ransom said to himself with a smirk plastering over his face. He knew exactly which of his work he would send over. It was one Ransom had finished a while back. A story about the measures of what a mother would do to prove her child’s innocence when they are accused of a crime. It was one of his more personal pieces of work. He was somewhat anxious to get feedback on it. He sent it over to Fabiola as an attachment. Now, Ransom was in wait and see mode. ‘Who knows how long until she gets to actually reading it,’ he thought to himself. 

Three long agonizing days later, Ransom finally heard back from Fabiola when he checked his email that afternoon. 

Ransom,

How are you? 

Sorry I have not gotten back to you sooner. Your story is amazing! I could not put it down. I actually read it twice. It had me on the edge of my seat the entire time and had a lot of heart. You are such a good writer.

I do have some suggestions for you if you do not mind. However, I do not want to merely give them to you via email or comments in the document. Would it be okay if the two of us meet up for coffee sometime this week? It would be easier to talk to you about the recommendations face-to-face.

Any suggestions on where we could meet up? I don’t mind traveling to your neck of the woods if it is more convenient for you.

Fabiola

Ransom was thrilled that not only did she like his work but was willing to meet him in person. He quickly wrote her back suggesting a meeting at a little coffee shop in West Bridgewater. It would only be a 34-minute drive for Fabiola to get to him. Honestly, Ransom was a bit taken aback that she was willing to drive all the way out to the boonies to talk to him in person. 

The two decided to meet up on Saturday afternoon at The Bridge Coffee House, a new town establishment. A Starbucks it was not, thankfully.

When Saturday finally rolled around, Ransom dressed in his usual simple attire: gray cardigan, white long-sleeve shirt underneath, dark blue jeans, and Louis Vuitton black loafers. He gave himself a look over in the mirror one last time; he exited the house, got in his 1972 BMW 3.0 CSi, and headed to the coffee shop.

Once there, Ransom ordered an espresso and settled in a seat near the corner, but still visible for Fabiola to see him. As Ransom waited for Fabiola to arrive, his leg was shaking underneath the table. He was nervous, which was an unusual feeling for Ransom. Women hardly ever made Ransom nervous, but the woman he was meeting was for business, not pleasure. 

‘Note yet at least,” Ransom thought to himself as he sipped his espresso. 

The ding of the bell on the entrance door made Ransom lookup. There Fabiola was wearing a white long-sleeved fitted sweater with light blue jeans, white sneakers, and a light gray messenger bag slung over her shoulder. She looked around and noticed Ransom. Giving him a smile and wave, Fabiola made her way over to him. He stood up as she neared the table. 

“Hi. How are you?” she asked and stuck out her hand for Ransom to shake.

He reciprocated the gesture and replied, “I’m good. Do you want something to drink? My treat.”

Fabiola accepted Ransom’s offer with an iced tea. “Is there a restroom around that I could use?”

Ransom pointed to where the restrooms were, and Fabiola excused herself while he got her iced tea. Paying for the iced tea, Ransom went back to the table and proceeded to wait again. 

“That was quite a drive,” spoke Fabiola as she sat down in the seat across from Ransom, “Gorgeous scenery. I tend to not venture too far outside of Boston much.”

“Yeah, it is a nice quiet town. Not much goes on here.”

“I’m kind of surprised that you don’t choose to live in Boston. Figured you would want to be in a more urban area,” said Fabiola.

Ransom shifted in his seat to cross his legs, “I used to live in Boston during my 20s. Decided to move here a couple of years ago. Helped clear my head a little.”

Taking a sip of her iced tea, Fabiola asked, “Is that when you really began to write?”

Ransom let out a small laugh and cleared his throat, “Yeah…I just…needed a hobby to preoccupy my time.”

“Well, I have to tell you that it was a good idea,” said Fabiola as she began to rummage through her bag and pulled out a binder to place on the table.

“This story is outstanding,” she complimented.

Ransom felt the heat on his cheeks from her praise. It felt good to have someone appreciate his work, which was not a feeling he was used to. 

“I do have some questions if you don’t mind me asking? Nothing bad, just some clarifications.”

“Sure. Ask away,” Ransom responded casually. He was doing his best to not seem too eager. 

“What made you decide to have the main character a mother rather than a father? I ask that because, normally, male authors tend to write the protagonist as male. You don’t really see many male authors write crime novels with a main female character,” Fabiola pointed out and went on to tell him, “You also wrote the character really well. Like, she feels like a real person. She was fully developed and fleshed out. I was totally rooting for her throughout the whole story. And the side characters are nicely written as well. Each chapter kept the reader on its toes. You never knew what to expect. Nothing felt forced or out of place. Nothing dragged on. Here is a copy of my notes. Nothing too major. Only certain suggestions like clarification or more descriptive details for certain paragraphs.”

Ransom looked at her incredibly detailed notes. “I appreciate you doing this. Thank you,” Ransom said earnestly.  

“Do you plan on getting that published?” Fabiola asked him.

Letting out a light chuckle, Ransom told her that most likely he would not.

“Why?”

“I prefer to write for myself. Not for an audience. Plus, there is the likelihood that I’ll get compared to my grandfather or people thinking that nepotism is involved,” answered Ransom as he continued to flip through Fabiola’s notes.

Fabiola merely sat back and took the time to really look at the man before her. With dark hair and blue eyes, a strong jaw, and a somewhat crooked nose, Fabiola could not deny that he was handsome. Before the meeting, Fabiola asked Charlie about what he knew about Ransom. Boy, she got an honest earful from Charlie. While Charlie complimented Ransom, there was a hint of pity in his voice.

“He’s got so much potential, but he wastes it with booze and women. The poor boy did have a stint in rehab when he was younger. It’s so parents of his. Always giving him money instead of love and affection,” Charlie shared with Fabiola. 

 “You don’t want to fail at the one thing you believe you are actually good at,” Fabiola stated to Ransom and added, “So, it is easier to not put yourself out there in the first place.”

Scoffing, Ransom sat back and stared at Fabiola. Now it was his turn to really look at the woman before him. With her long dark hair, brown eyes, and slender figure, he had to admit to himself that she was beautiful. But he could tell that there was more to this woman than meets the eye.

“You like to think you have me all figured out, don’t you? You think I’m some poor little rich poor?” Ransom asked with a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

“Yes,” Fabiola simply said as she folded her arms to rest on the table and continued, “You’re not some riddle, Ransom. You are quite easy to figure out. Just as I mentioned to you at the party, you are bored. However, it is not the excitement that you seek. Instead, you want guidance. You want someone to look after you and care for you. You want to surrender control. Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll shut up.”

With his silence, she had her answer.

“I can give you what you need, but to do that, we need to develop trust between one another,” Fabiola communicated and reached out to grip one of Ransom’s hands. She entwined her fingers within his.

“How much?” Ransom spoke up as they looked at their entangled hands. 

Fabiola shook her head and clarified, “Nothing. I’m not proposing you sex Ransom. I’m proposing to you something completely different. What do you know about BDSM or a D/s relationship?”

[ngame989]

Starco Fic Recs

Disclaimer: This list is largely curated to my own personal preferences (minimal feelings angst, minimal AUs, character development >>> plot) and has a fairly high bar for quality in characterization, etc. There will likely be many popular/beloved fics that I really don’t think highly of at all and therefore don’t make the cut. Feel free to DM me things you think I should consider adding, but I make no promises.

And of course I’d be flattered if you gave my own works a chance - stop by my About Me section for links! Thus far I’m particularly proud of the post-canon series I just started in collaboration with an awesome team, The Greatest Gift.

(Updated 9/26 - I decided to redo the list since people might appreciate seeing it in the tags again. To anyone whose own work is featured here that I haven’t personally responded to - I’m a tough critic with a lot of strong personal preferences so PLEASE do not take my gripes as condemnations of your skills - if they make the list at all, I think they’re worth a read!)

See below for the very thorough list!

Bolded titles indicate must-read.

Italicized titles indicate work is incomplete (in the case of continuous stories).

Asterisks indicate new additions from last update (3 for brand new, 1 for status update).

I’ve VERY loosely organized the categories by personal priority order this time around, but read the descriptions and decide for yourself!

Must-Reads

Forevermore - A Starco wedding story (with a bit of Jantom as well). Simply one of the best fics I’ve read in the fandom. I have no meaningful criticism to give it, and that’s the highest praise I can possibly give something.

Monarchs of Mewni (+ Traditionally Lovingly Yours) - A series of chronologically disconnected oneshots set years after the show. The backstory is very dated given how long ago it started (Jarco was kinda serious for a few years, Tomstar v2 never happened, etc) but overall it’s lovely. Has a bit of plot, a bit of Jantom, a lot of other character interactions, and a boatload of Starco - plus a Starco kid who is a decently developed character but also doesn’t just take over and crowd out Star and Marco themselves! That alone deserves merit.

Ruined - Aftermath of a hypothetical return of Monster Arm. Angst with a happy ending (and one of the few angsty fics that gets my seal of approval), so read this extra early if that’s more your schtick than mine.

study buddies - Y’know what, fuck it, I’m putting this here. It’s a short ball of Starco fluff but it’s one of the sweetest and fluffiest fluffballs I’ve seen in a long time and it’s very emotionally immersive and y’all needa read it.

*When Two Worlds Collide - One of my favorite postcanon series thus far. I admit I’m really not big on “magic returns!” plots in postcanon (which this has), and the sections that focus on that are hit or miss for me, but overall it has some of the funnest and cutest characterization and gags I’ve seen in any SVTFOE fic, ever. Absolutely worth following (and it has a fair amount of art to go along with it!)

***Star Chef - Oneshot (two chapters, so twoshot technically?) set in the same universe as Starlight Justiciar (see below) and is just a day in the life of Star and Marco. Goes absolutely above and beyond at emotional immersion and little nuances and details to bring the world and characters to life, which elevates it to something special to me.

Light of the Sun and Stars - (Promoted to Must-Read!) One of the few heavily divergent AU fics I care for. Marco is an orphan raised by monsters, and meets Star after running away. Just finished its “first season” and I've loved the recent chapters, am very excited to see where it goes.

*Don’t You Let Me Go - Wonderfully fluffy post-Cleaved Starco, one of my favorite oneshot “epilogues”.

i want to tell you (but i don’t know how) - Post season 3 fic detailing the growth of Star and Marco’s relationship. It’s spectacular writing and shows off a lot of the true depth of Starco beyond just being cute.

Adult - NSFW warning, non-explicit (aged-up characters). It’s a story about the journey towards Star and Marco’s first step into adulthood together -  it’s not graphic and way more focused on the emotions involved, but it still is definitely more explicit than your average FFnet rated-T fic. If sexual themes ain’t your thing, I totally respect that, but this is a charming and funny piece of writing.

Lawchan’s various oneshots - There isn’t a great compilation for them right now so the best I can do is give you her tag for it and you can comb through it yourself. I like some more than others here, but they’re all very well-written - my only gripes with some of them are my own tastes in subject matter, so have fun perusing this on your own.

I Will Always Be There For You - A really pure and wholesome Starco oneshot. Very well-written.

Post-Canon Series to Follow

I figured with the show being over, and so many people starting their own series, I should include a lot of them here even if I’m personally not the biggest fan just to help gather them up so people can decide for themselves. Little bit looser on judgment here.

*Life on Earthni A to Z - Non-chronological postcanon slice of life oneshots, Starco and some Globclipsa and Jantom. Overall really good so far, one of my favorites in terms of direction.

*When Dimensions Cleave (sequel - Unforgettable Getaway) - Another postcanon series hellbent on bringing back magic queen lore, but it has some solid Starco fluff still. Credit where it’s due, the “Star constantly freaking out over what a horrible person she was” bit that I called preachy in the prior rec post gets somewhat less preachy and does end up actually going somewhere as part of character development, but I’m left scratching my head at how they all act sometimes. The good parts are certainly good, though, and in terms of quantity of lovey dovey Starco, it really can’t be beat (especially the sequel) and that’s worth something by itself. 

We’re a Miracle - Extra adorkable postcanon fluff. Lighter on the “but ACKSHUALLY MAGIC IS BACK” stuff compared to the others, but it’s there, like almost every postcanon fic in existence.

Star vs the Sands of Time - Heavy politic/lore postcanon fic, not my fav but if that’s more your thing then great. Has some casual Starco too.

Goodbye Isn’t Forever - More POV dives into Cleaved.

Fake Proposal - Some decent jokey but cute fluff

The Stars Above - Some exploration of Earthni

New World - A bit over-the-top meta, but fun fluff

The Starlight Justiciar - Four years after canon, some social change plot stuff and some decent Starco. Not the biggest fan of some of the plot stuff but check it out for yourself!

Starco vs the Forces of Evil - Another collab fic/art thing. Fair warning, I really am not personally a huge fan of a lot of the characterization and plot decisions here (see my notes on Sign of the Moon waaaay down below) but decide for yourself, don’t let my pickiness dictate your own preferences!

Ready For The Future - Technically a oneshot (with some Starco) but sets up some Mina plot, if you’re interested in more give it a follow/review.

Worlds Together - Some Starco and exploration of Earthni.

Epilogue -  Some Starco and exploration of Earthni.

***A Dark Horse - Has a few really nice lovey dovey Starco bits but also lots of superdrama with politics stuff. There’s a lot of fics here that I honestly just windowshop the scene I like for a quick fix of dopamine every now and then and skim at most otherwise, and this is one.

Revolution - end of canon AU where Moon is as anti-monster as Mina, dark as fuck. Only putting it here cuz some of y’all angstlords might like it.

Shorter Works/Oneshot Collections

I’ll Carry Your World - Big ole’ ball of wonderful Starco fluff with an important moment between them (written before end of show so a bit divergent).

***LoveIsTheStrongestKindOfMagic - Very short and basic fluff.

Starco Week 5 (Hugs Included) - Some of it is postcanon Earthni oneshots and others are from the Light of the Sun and Stars AU (see above). Great author, fun as hell writing style.

Fragile - Star worries about keeping her boyfriend Marco safe.

Complete - An older Star reflects on her past and present. Short and sweet.

Knighthood - Simple fluff piece on if Star and Marco got together after Storm the Castle.

Too Hot to Move - Star and Marco try to survive a heat wave on Earthni. Also funny fluff.

Marco Make-out Mayhem - Star really likes kissing Marco. Funny fluff.

Cleaved Together - NSFW warning, non-explicit (aged up) - Star and Marco’s first time. Very very overly focused on the whole purity/sacredness of first time thing, but still pretty cute.

Like Us - Really nice, sweet casual reflection on her life with Marco from a future Star’s POV.Toothpaste Kisses - Short fluff about its title.

A Friend’s Memento - Starco fluff with some reflection on the results of destroying magic

Plum Pie - Some goofy antics and hurt/comfort.

Not Losing You - A little dive into Marco’s POV at the end of Cleaved. Also adds a kiss.

We Belong Together - More speculative slightly angsty comfort/fluff.

Enough - A nice study of the emotions and thoughts during the last scenes of Cleaved, adds some depth to it.

Heartless - A bit of angst over magic going away with some sweet Starco comfort.

Together - Post-Cleaved Starco megafluff.

My Prince - Starco fluff set in a world where they were together before Cornonation.

Dancing with a Star - Starco fluff from alt S4.

Love in the Time of Pancakes - Written hours after my last update of the list, another little ditty based on the pancake promo.

Pancakes - Fluffy S4-promo-based little oneshot.

Hers - Hurt/comfort/confession-y fic, has some really nice moments and shows off a lot of how much they care about each other. Nice to see after such a drought.

Someone to Stay - Another hurt/comfort fic, nice and simple.

A Viola, a Violin, and a Butterfly’s Sword - some nonlinear oneshots about Starco. Some kinda weird directions gone in with the “plot” but it’s pretty good overall.

Falling - One of many, many fics from throughout the fandom’s history about Star and Marco getting together. Short and sweet.

forget about white horses & once upon a time - Drabble collection of various moments scattered throughout Star and Marco’s lives. Cute fluff.

The One Where I Thought I Lost You - Post-BFM fic where Marco realizes his feelings for Star earlier. Very wholesome.

christmases when you were mine - Established relationship fluff.

lightning in your veins, thunder in your heart - Post-season 3 established relationship fluff (slightly divergent, written before 3B).

once upon a december - Established relationship fluff.

Flags - Alternate rendition of the episode “Flags” with Starco.

Spells and Hot Chocolate - Wintry fluff.

5 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ - Post BFM with some events in Star and Marco’s lives.

You’re My Wish Come True - This is just indulgent Starco trash. I won’t even argue for the characterization/writing quality, this is just a straight-up guilty pleasure.

Wands and Nachos - ^

The Princess and the Safe Kid - ^

A Day in the Life of Starco - ^

A very Starco Xmas - ^

Could It Be -^

All the times Star wore Marco’s hoodie - ^

Protect Me, Squire - ^

Crushed - Star and Marco both get turned down by their respective crushes and find comfort in each other.

Stay - Cuddly fluff. There’s another Stay out there which I frankly can’t stand with will-they-won’t-they melodrama out the wazoo, so don’t get confused.

Longer Series

*The Inescapable Us - Really tropey miscommunication will-they-won’t-they type of thing. Not my fav, especially now that the show is over and finished that leg of Star and Marco’s story once and for all (I’m personally WAY less interested in things that redo something canon already did). However, where it’s at now has some really good Starco moments. Fully admitted that I hella skimmed most of it until the parts I enjoyed, but And if you’re more fine with that type of thing then you’ll probably really like it, it’s well-written otherwise.

Together We Fall - Throwback S2 AU fic where Star and Marco go to the dance together instead and Toffee makes moves earlier. Gets kinda dark but has a lot of nice Starco along the way.

Safer, Sorrier - A recent rewrite of an older fic, Better Safe Than Sorry, where Star has to leave early to become queen and Marco is alone for a few months before they reunite. A very dated premise (post season 1 ish) but quite good.

Sugar and Spice - NSFW warning, non-explicit (NOT aged-up characters). In this fic, Star and Marco have gotten together after BFM, and a spell gone wrong leads to Mewberty relapses with obvious consequences. This fic has adorable Starco moments, but what I love this for above all is the other character interactions (especially Glossaryck and Star’s parents). This is probably a controversial add-on to the list, but I stick by my decision - if the subject matter isn’t your thing, then by all means avoid it.

Beyond Dimensions - Plotfic + established Starco where some ancient sorceress has to trap Star to escape and try to take over Mewni. Maybe y'all are more into plot stuff than me but the Starco that’s there is quite good regardless.

Starfall - NSFW warning, explicit (aged-up characters). Probably the most popular one to make the cut. Star and Marco are forced apart and have to find their way back together. Very old fic, lot of dated stuff here, and the narration and plot itself can get kinda questionable sometimes, but it has a lot of good Starco and some interesting plot elements that make it, in my opinion, worth a read despite a lot of flaws. A few epilogue chapters contain rather explicit sexual content, so be wary of that (and the epilogue itself after Ep 6 kinda transitions into a nextgenverse, so maybe just skip that entirely).

The Star Butterfly Effect - The sole fic on the list that is purely plot-based, with very little actual Starco development whatsoever. I can’t even really explain it, just give it a shot and see what you think; I was rather engrossed by the plot, and that’s rare for me.

The Princess and her Knight, Return of the Empire The former fic in this series is way more character-based, while the latter is very heavy plot stuff. Pretty decent character writing with some fluff. There’s a third that I honestly can’t recommend because I completely dropped it because it was just a nonstop war story.

Experimental - REALLY heavy, dark AU where Star and Marco are tortured and corrupted. It’s pretty decent.

Blood Moon Blitz - Alt BFM fic of Marco going to fight Toffee with Star. unfortunately dropped without completing, but what’s there is pretty solid.

Read at Your Own Risk…

The Sign of the Moon, The Dance of the Stars - Starts post-3A, involves the growth of Star and Marco’s relationship as they take on foes in and out of the castle and learn more about the Blood Moon. This series is rather… melodramatic, and there were some chapters and character interactions I flat out did not enjoy reading. But some people aren’t as strict on character interpretations as I am and would love such a long plot-based Starco fic, so overall I still will at least list it and let you decide for yourself. There might be a third entry in this series now, but I dropped it before then.

Photos - I hesitate to include this one here because the “Tom is a perfect angel who must sacrifice his love for Star” thing pisses me off. But just skip all that (and ignore the random “a part of me will always love Tom” line) and it’s a really nice post-s3 confession fic.

[redisriding]

King of Scars - Review

I have just finished reading King of Scars and let me tell you, I have some THOUGHTS™

I don’t want to spoil anyone though, so read below the fold at your own discretion…

(Also contains spoilers of the Shadow and Bone Trilogy and the Six of Crows Duology, but it is unlikely that one has not read those books but has read King of Scars).

Nb. I word vomited this onto the page so apologies for any typos/misspellings/incomplete trains of thought!

Okay so, let me start by stating my position in respect of the other Grisha Verse books. I enjoyed the Shadow and Bone Trilogy. I really liked the first one, thought the second one did nothing but elongate the story, but found the third one redeeming. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the two main characters/love interest as I found both Alina and Mal annoying in parts, but I have to remind myself that I am in my mid-20s reading YA books so maybe I can’t be too critical of the behaviour of teenagers(?!). I am however a sucker for when the female lead chooses the good boy they grew up with over the mysterious creepy stranger, so yeah I shipped them. What made this trilogy for me was the amazingly vivid universe that was created – the Grisha Verse – and the absolute romp of supporting characters. So, not wanting to leave the world behind just yet I read the Six of Crows duology and I LOVED THESE BOOKS. Not only did we get to delve deeper into the Grisha Verse, but the storyline is fantastic, the characters are brilliantly painted, and the dialogue is some of the most witty, most wonderful dialogue I have ever read (Jesper anyone?). Plus, the Nina x Matthias dynamic is my absolute favourite romance trope!!! With honourable mentions to Kaz and Inej of course.

Going into King of Scars I was hopeful for a thrilling adventure across the Grisha Verse I have come to know so well, with some excellent characters and cracking banter.

 Was that what I found?

 In short, no.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate this book. It was an enjoyable read. However, I do think the King of Scars is Leigh Bardugo’s weakest work. Now, I don’t know whether she was writing under pressure from her publishers, fans etc., if there was something going on in her life perhaps to throw her off her game, or if the King of Scars was genuinely the direction she wanted to take this series/story/universe. The characterisation was good as always, I enjoyed learning more about Nikolai and Zoya’s respective backstories, and yeah, I ship them hard, but there wasn’t as much witty banter as I had hoped. Particularly from a character like Nikolai who gave so much in previous books. Sure, the argument can be made that this book is about him battling his own demons, so fair enough if he was somewhat off his game. I think however this book fell down in two key ways, (1) the universe and (2) the story itself.

What do I mean in respect of not liking the “universe” as conceptualised in King of Scars? This might sound a little strange, but in the Shadow and Bone trilogy and Six of Crows duology the “magic” that the Grisha possess appears very “real” (if magic can indeed be real). There are rules about how Grisha power works and thus seems plausible to me. I feel like King of Scars departed from this. I don’t mean the Zoya/Dragon story line. I actually quite enjoyed the exploration of “but aren’t we all things” and the blurring of the lines between different Grisha powers. I think that will make an interesting development in the story. What is less clear in how magic works in the Grisha Verse is (1) the demon that possesses Nikolai (but sure I can get on board with it for the purpose of the story and to be quite honest I don’t REALLY care about a lot of the minute details about the world’s in fantasy books operate), and (2) the whole mid-section of the book where Nikolai and Zoya are sucked into this Twilight Zone/Alice in Wonderland alternative dimension that emerges in the fold. This is where the book lost me. I didn’t totally understand what was going on, and I think the writing fell down here. It was like even Leigh Bardugo didn’t have a clear idea as to what was happening. Trying to make sense of it was a bit like trying to look through fog. Dragons, bees, three-headed bears, a big rock that became a palace, thorns??? I was totally baffled by it all. Where they in the fold or the Unsea? How did they just suddenly disappear? Where did that pilgrimage camp go? Was any of that real or just an illusion to trap Nikolai and Zoya there? Even at the end I’m unsure as to how much Yuri knew, how much he was leading them knowing what was going to happen or was he just a hapless buffoon that got caught up in the whole thing? How exactly did Zoya defeat the bee witch queen? What happened with Nikolai and his demon? Is it is half defeated? Is the demon the Darkling himself rather than a residue of the Darkling’s monster? Does that mean that the Darkling lives half within Nikolai and half within Yuri? Maybe some of this is deliberately vague and will be cleared up in the next book, but I honestly think that a lot of it has to do with the writing because there are parts that are perfectly clear and I do understand what is happening, for example when Zoya slays the dragon. Perhaps this was because I had read the previous books and I understood what it meant to kill a creature to create an amplifier, but equally, I believe that Leigh Bardugo wrote this section clearer because she had written the previous books!

Essentially, I felt that I had a good grasp of the Grisha Verse but this whole section is too off the wall for it to be believable to me and just doesn’t feel like it “fits” with the universe that had been created/developed in the other books.

The second thing I dislike is the story. Yes, see previous thoughts above in respect of the whole mid-section of the book, but this whole story was just angling to bring the Darkling back? Nah, I don’t like it. Not because the Darkling is a baddie and the thought of him being back can only mean bad things, but because I think its lazy writing. There is already so much conflict, or potential for conflict, in these books with Nikolai becoming King and trying to save Ravka that there was no need for the Darkling to return. For one, I think it undermines everything that happened in the Shadow and Bone series for him to return and presumably be defeated in the next book?. Mal sacrificed himself for Alina to destroy him, only for her to lose her power afterwards. It doesn’t seem right that he went on “living” in this alternative universe. The whole body swap thing was just bizarre, and again, lazy writing. I’m not a fan of people suddenly appearing back from the dead as a trope anyway, but this was particularly sloppily done. (Yes, I know Mal came back from the dead too but there was some explanation as to have him having two souls/lives inside him and as I say I was an Alana/Mal shipper so I was prepared to overlook it). I just felt that the Alina/Mal/Darkling storyline was wrapped up so nicely at the end of the Shadow and Bone trilogy that is doesn’t seem right to bring the Darkling back as the villain in a Nikolai/Zoya story. The final line in the Shadow and Bone series about Alina and Mal living a normal life if a life with love could ever be such a thing absolutely destroyed me (I wept for the evening after reading that – it’s my catnip), but that story felt complete. I don’t see how the Darkling can come back within at least Alina being involved again, and she doesn’t have her powers anymore which were the only things that defeated the Darkling. I think what my uneasiness boils down to is, presumably Nikolai and Zoya are going to defeat him in the next book, but no matter how comprehensively they do so, I’m never going to believe that he is actually dead, or that death in the Grisha Verse really exists. That at any time, anyone, not matter how long they have been dead for could just reappear with some absolutely insane story of how they managed to remain living even though they were totally, utterly, completely, without a doubt dead. 

I think the crux of my disappointment with King of Scars can be summed up as follows:-

Will I be reading the sequel?

Yeah...probably.

Will I be thinking about what is happening to these characters every day until that book is released?

No.

[unordinary-analysis]

Hey, I was just rereading, and, Elaine is a bad person?!? I don't think I'll be able to finish rereading, but was there any point where we started liking her? She literally called john gross for being powerless wth

Elaine: Is She a Bad Person and Why People Like Her

Know that I probably forgot all I wanted to say over the course of writing this so if it feels incomplete or off topic, i did my best lmao ok?

This is a hard topic to address because something being classified as inherently good or bad cannot be proven or measured. It’s all a matter of perspective, of where your morals, as the reader, lie. I don’t think anything that I’m going to say is going to strongly disagree with any of your ethics, but it’s good to know that going into this.

I decided to answer this question, yes, but also ask another. Along with asking if Elaine is a bad person, I also want to address why people like her character, because I know a lot of people do. People feel all different types of ways towards Elaine’s character and I want to explore why that’s the case.

Elaine, after reexamination, is actually one of the most morally intriguing characters to read. She’s still annoying as hell, but even when you hate what she’s saying, what she’s thinking, it really adds to your own perspective and makes you think.

I feel a lot of people that love her say that she’s one of the nicest and most caring characters in Unordinary. I’m sure a lot of people who don’t like her think this too. It’s easy to view Elaine as one of the nice, preppy girls.

But, like I said, after reexamination and a bit of rereading, I was reminded that her character isn’t so one dimensional. The UnOrdinary wikia (unordinary.fandom.com/wiki/Elaine) has a section labeled “personality” that is dedicated to describing Elaine’s personality. I think that the first two lines sum up Elaine very well: “Elaine seems to be one of the more friendly students at Wellston due to her outgoing and hospitable personality. However, like many students of Wellston, she's shown only enmity towards those with no abilities, and paid no attention to what lower tiers go through.” I say that this is true, but to an even more intense extent.

In what I think is the very first scene we meet Elaine (episode 7) she approaches John with kindness. She is friendly, smiles at him a lot, and welcomes him to Wellston. Then: she asks him about his power.

Instantly, the whole mood of the scene shifts. In previous panels, there were hearts and flowers drawn around Elaine. Then she asks, “So, John. What kind of ability do you have?” and suddenly this dark gloom wraps itself around the comic. Elaine is drawn with pointed eyebrows narrowed down her face. She is also sporting an impressive smirk for a character who most people classify as the naive, nice girl. The whole scene is so close from being taken straight out of mean girls it’s insane. Elaine is nice at first, but soon you realize she’s a predator.

So what really is Elaine’s true character?

Because Elaine’s true character has been somewhat elusive recently, I’ve laid out a nice list for you so you can easily see what traits of hers I will be proving and using to prove other points:

Elaine’s “good” moral traits:

Friendly

Caring

Kind

Thoughtful

Generally more aware of feelings and situations than a lot of other UnOrdinary characters.

Elaine’s “bad” moral traits:

Judgemental

Selective kindness

Unintentionally (?) biased

Doesn’t think for herself

Usually only shows her ‘good’ moral traits when interacting with her friends or with high-tiers

Elaine’s bad and good traits are surprisingly well-balanced. She’s not the perfect nice girl everyone currently seems to view her as. She has one of the most strategically used mindsets in UnOrdinary, but sometimes I feel it can be a little too subtle to actually notice. Because of the circumstances the storyline puts her in, we don’t really get to see as many of Elaine’s darker traits as there actual are.

It feels strange to write this about Elaine, one of the characters that seems to be the most recognized for her soft personality. And, I get it. Hell, I’ve hated her because she was so plain and nice and boring, but above all, actually, I disliked the way that her character was being used. God, Elaine has so much potential to just make the world of UnOrdinary so much more complex, but I feel like at this point of the story, it would be redundant to show Elaine’s worse traits because of what’s already been established, and it upsets me because I know that forcing Elaine’s less than admirable personality traits now in the story would take away from it, probably even backtracking the story, but seeing a character’s diversity is so important, especially for a main character. I support what uru-chan is doing with her right now because the loss of half of Elaine’s character does not outweigh the quality of the storytelling. But: All of Elaine’s flaws were shown in the beginning of the story, and I worry it’s been so long that most people have forgotten them.

So, I’m here now to give you reasons to hate Elaine, ok? Yeah, this is going to be fun.

I personally believe Elaine someone who thinks she’s nice, but really is selective with whom she’s nice to, if you understand what I’m saying. Elaine is that one popular girl who is apparently shy and acts all sweet around other popular kids, but is the type of person to also yell at some loner in the bathroom for being a loser or something.

She acts kind, but only to those that she considers worthy of attention. If she doesn’t care about you because you’re irrelevant, I’m sorry. You’re going to be treated like shit.

Liking Elaine as a character is actually so confusing, though. Because the first scene we ever see of her, she acts all friendly, but turns on John the instant he reveals that he is a weak low-tier, a cripple even. In other words, a waste of Elaine’s time.

Because of how that scene went down, its surprising how people think of her as this people pleaser, which she is, just only when she has something to gain. I think that the second part of her second scene in the comic (which I’ll show later) kind of overpowered anyone’s initial reaction to Elaine, whether they forgot who she was or whether they just hadn’t seen enough to label her as a total bitch.

Elaine’s second scene. At first, is also pretty bitchy. At the very end of episode 12, Elaine is waiting for Seraphina to come home from John’s house where she spent the night. Elaine says to Sera, “Why didn’t you answer and of my texts? Where were you last night? You had me worried sick.” On its own, it doesn’t sound too bad, but the panel also has a picture of Elaine glaring and with crossed arms. Also, when the scene continues into the next episode (episode 13), Elaine says, “Were you hanging out with that loser cripple again?! I DON’T GET WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS WITH HIM! YOU’RE MAKING YOURSELF LOOK BAD.” (Caps are proper quotes, I didn’t change them). It’s obvious at this point of the comic that Elaine is a character that you’re supposed to hate.

So… why is she widely known as this innocent and kind person?

Because of her like split fking personality that’s why skdfhigiuisrdughsk.

Elaine’s character experiences such drastic changes so quickly from scene to scene, it’s hard to peg her personality at first because it seems like she has every generic personality stuffed into her brain and they just take turns controlling her. In the same episode as Elaine insults John in front of Seraphina (episode 13), she literally gets a phone call, answers it, and turns into this stuttering, soft, bubbly mess, like what? (Second part of Elaine’s second scene).

Literally five lines after she acts all bitchy towards Seraphina, Elaine has this conversation with Arlo:

Elaine: “Ah, h-hello!”

Arlo: “Hey, I’m about to head out. Is Seraphina back yet?”

E: “Y-yea, she just got back!”

A: “Alright, I’m on my way.”

… What? In one of the earliest scenes Elaine is in, she goes completely 180º and turns into the basic, shy, adorable girl. This being such a contrast from literally everything we’ve seen from her character so far has to confuse the readers. Not in a bad way like the writing itself is confusing, but like the interesting and intriguing kind of confusing. The switch-up grabs the reader’s attention because suddenly the annoying, popular bitch (because, let’s be honest, that’s how her character reads up to this point) has suddenly revealed that she’s not like that all the time. Her character had been such a cliche that readers must have been pleasantly surprised to see that her character isn’t so black and white. Similar to the end of a movie or when you learn some secret about a character in a story, Elaine’s personality change makes it seem like you finally understand her, if that makes sense. It’s a storytelling cliche for something to be revealed about a mean character that makes them so much more understandable. Like Draco Malfoy when you learned how he just wanted to please Voldemort and make his family proud. That kind of thing.

This, I feel, is one reason why so many UnOrdinary fans like Elaine so much. It feels like they’ve skipped ahead in the story, makes them feel like they’ve been shown into Elaine’s life. Whenever this happens in other stories, the mean girl almost always gains redemption. Without realizing, some readers must associate Elaine’s supposed hidden, kind personality with some sort of atonement without Elaine ever actually doing anything or revealing anything. Because of widespread storytelling styles, our brains can easily connect this to patterns we see in most types of literature or media. We just skip over the middle part of, you know, the actual redemption. This trope being shown at the very beginning of the comic doesn’t give readers time to get used to Elaine before it happens, so they’re left pretty early on feeling that Elaine is being redeemed as a mean girl, but haven’t even seen the full extent of her morally bad traits. So, basically what I keep repeating: from the get go, Elaine’s appearances from scene to scene give the impression of someone who is trying to redeem themselves or has already redeemed themselves, without any of that actually ever happening.

I do not, however, think this is true for many fans. After this relatively clear switch near the beginning, Elaine’s character stays pretty consistently kind. When you see her being friendly more than you see her insulting some low-tier, it’s easy to associate her more with that. Maybe at the beginning of the story, this fake redemption would have drawn people to Elaine, but not this deep into the story. Because, let’s be honest, nobody even remembers her character from the beginning. It’s so easy to believe that Elaine’s character has always been portrayed the way it is being now because that’s all we’ve been shown for the past like 100 episodes. Elaine never really gets redeemed for what she did or how she acted towards the low-tiers. There’s not even evidence that her morals have changed at all or that she is more open-minded. It’s just, as the story progresses, Elaine is shown more and more exclusively talking to high-tiers or well-respected people at Wellston. As the story drags on, her negative traits are still there (we can assume this because we never see anything that clashes with this), they’re just not being shown. Elaine’s less desirable traits are being forgotten. All anyone really remembers or knows now is that Elaine is shy and kind. With or without the fake redemption I was talking about, she’s been acting like this for so long, it doesn’t even occur to most people that she didn’t used to be so nice.

This doesn’t fully explain why people like Elaine so much, but it’s a start to our investigation. This might explain why people don’t hate her as much as they should, based on canon events. They’re never actually shown her worst traits as much as they were in the beginning and the memory of those beginning events are fading.

I’m here to remind you: Elaine acts horribly to anyone that she doesn’t consider her level and she determines that mostly by tier. There’s loads of examples in like the first fourth of the comic, but not in recent chapters. Be aware of this.

I do believe I know the reason why she thinks and acts like this, though.

I’ve brought up this same thing in a post where I talked about Seraphina, but I think it was used differently than how I’m going to use it here, and, obviously, because of the reason, the circumstances are going to be different. I believe that Elaine has her mindset as it is because of her parents, how she was raised, and what she learned from the adults that surrounded her when she was younger.

Like I said, I’ve brought this up when talking about Seraphina once. I can’t find the post, but I basically said that Sera tended to be intensely self-involved because her parents always told her to watch herself, that she had to be number one, that she was in the spotlight because of her power. Elaine is different, though. I mean, obviously, we’re dealing with different issues here, so yeah.

Elaine inherited her tier discrimination mindset from her parents.

We know that Elaine’s parents have a good relationship with her (they send her oranges), so they probably talk a lot, so obviously Elaine would be influenced by their ideals. Also, I can’t think of any example out of any story ever or even in real life where someone discriminated against certain people or things when their parents didn’t. Ever. The kids are never that much more judgmental than their parents, kids usually even breaking the cycle. That’s how it’s been in real life for the last few years, and it’s great. Back on topic: I don’t believe Elaine gained these beliefs on her own. I believe her parents probably drilled it into her that she had to only associate with higher-tiers because not only is she not actually ambitious, which you would expect from someone who only acts decently to those who have more power than she, but she herself isn’t a high-tier. I don’t think she would learn to discriminate against those in her own tier (though she is a 3.5, not shabby) if not told by someone that she should because like…? Who’s like that?

So that’s why I’ve come to the conclusion that Elaine has been raised to believe that higher-tiers are more respectable and the only people deserving of total respect, based solely off of their ability, not their personality. Not something that I think is necessarily important to the questions I’m answering, so I didn’t really try to further my investigation into this, but I wanted to say what I think about this because I think it kind of impacts how I classify her as a person (good or bad)... god that sounds wrong to say.

This theory doesn’t excuse Elaine however. I didn’t excuse Seraphina for what I believed her parents were responsible for and I won’t let Elaine slide either. I hold her to this. She still does believe that low-tiers are inferior. That’s still an issue.

Most people that like Elaine like her because of her kind personality. She’s cute and shy, and that’s usually an instant recipe for success, right? But despite that obviously being the stereotype uru-chan was going for, she also managed to weave some character complexity into Elaine. It makes me sad that nobody notices, but I suppose it isn't super obvious.

I don’t think there is a definitive point that made Elaine into an understandable and likeable character, but her character detail is much more complex than I thought. I personally like characters for having diverse and different thoughts, so I like her concept. But to the people who like Elaine because she is nice and friendly… Move on to Remi. Elaine is not that person.

Liking Elaine is just a matter of what you enjoy in a character. I don’t like her personality, but I do think her character as a whole gives the UnOrdinary world such a diverseness.

Elaine is not a good person. I’m answering the question right here, right now. She’s, what word can I use here, tierist (?). She discriminates against people she doesn’t deem worthy of attention (bit too extremely worded but eh) and she decides who’s worthy based almost purely on ability, as we’ve seen so many times in this comic. Yes, she’s kind to her friends or people she wants to get closer with, but that should be a given. So I’m not exactly counting that as a good trait about her because it’s such a basic and fundamental thing, it would stand out a lot more if she wasn’t nice to her friends. It would be a lot more noticeable because how Elaine acts right now with her friends is honestly a societal expectation.

So: Elaine is a bad person, a diverse character, and someone that I’m overall happy to have in the story because of how her character impacts other characters and the plot around her. As with so many characters, in UnOrdinary especially, losing her presence in the story would drastically change the events of UnOrdinary. Without Elaine being who she is, UnOrdinary wouldn’t be what it is.

She’s still a dumb bitch tho.

[colorofmymindposts]

The Deviance of Two English Gentlemen Chapter Seven

Chapter Title: Comme Amis, Madame? 

Fandom: Sherlock Holmes (Ritchie films)/Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms Pairing: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Mary Morstan/John Watson Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mary Morstan Rating: Teen and Up Status: Incomplete Word Count: 1727 for this chapter, 9444 for the entire work thus far Summary: Set post Game of Shadows. When Sherlock Holmes is given a case by none other than Mrs. Watson, he has no idea that he cannot fix the unsolvable for the couple. Intimate truths are exposed in the process, leaving all three irrevocably changed. Tags: Case Fic, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Secrets, Bickering Notes: The entire work can be read here on ao3. You can also read chapter one here and chapter two here, chapter three here, chapter four here and chapter five here and chapter six here. 

Story:

It was in a truly spinning, colored daze that Holmes managed to stumble up the stairs to his rooms, not once turning back to the door from where Watson had just departed. If he stole one glance, he thought he might run out into the street after the man, raving like a lunatic. It was better that he review the facts before jumping to conclusions at any rate.

Although, even solely as a detective, he could not wrap his head around what had transpired. Watson had kissed him. It was a gesture totally unexpected, at least at this point, when their more...amorous relationship had drawn its abrupt conclusion several years ago.

Of course, it could have been meant platonically. It was, after all, just on the cheek, a kiss much more innocent than previous ones they’d shared. The French were known to exchange kisses comme amis. Or perhaps Watson was just attempting to finally recognize their past together, just enough to acknowledge it, and could therefore move forward in his marriage.

Why would that be necessary, however? Surely after all this time, the old boy had gotten over Holmes. In fact, Holmes would have thought that all of Watson’s romantic feelings expired when he had packed up all things without a word to Holmes, rented out another flat, and had a girl on his arm within a month of leaving. If Watson had ever felt anything for him at all.

Those words...those parting words troubled his mind still. He turned them over, the three sentences, as though they were separate pages in a book. They danced in front of his eyes, and he burned them into his memory before they flared and faded in favor of another distraction. As if another distraction could successfully steer him away from Watson.

I’ve behaved remarkably badly.

Forgive me.  

And thank you.

None of the parts added up to a cohesive whole, ultimately. Behaved badly to whom? Forgive Watson for what? Thank Holmes for what deed? The whole matter was quite puzzling, and Holmes was beginning to ascertain that Watson either had no idea what he himself meant when he imparted those words or intentionally belied Holmes into investigating them so he would not think too much over the...child conundrum.

Holmes growled in frustration at it all. Never had a case provided such obstacles in his typical methodology. The personal element involved made it all very difficult to process, categorize in his normal way. With Watson by his side, Holmes had never experienced such clarity in his work, having finally found the pathway to the solutions through all the noise and clutter of the rest of the world. Now that Watson was not at his side but at the centre of this case, it was becoming harder to distinguish fact versus theory.

It was more difficult than ever; any time Holmes tried to think, his fingers traced the ghost-like touch of Watson’s lips to his cheek in awe and wonder, a feeling he had locked away in the deep recesses of his mind.

When they had been lovers, Watson had always been gentle. His doctor’s training had controlled how his hands caressed, his abundant care and precision had been merely a luxurious extension of his bedside manner whenever Holmes had hit the ring too hard. Though he doubted that Watson called his patients “ungrateful bastards” as he sewed them back together. It was equally unlikely that he ever finished the job with an impassioned kiss on the lips and a plea to act more carefully. Perhaps if Holmes had followed through on that advice, he would never have awoken to a half-empty bed as he had for the last three years.

In those years of Watson’s absence, Irene had been particularly special. At first, Holmes had admired nothing more than her brilliant mind, able to keep up with his own, a rarity in a person of any sex. Eventually, even he had found he could appreciate her beauty for what it was: flawless. She had been flippant as the change of the tide, however; and though her antics were amusing, she would gladly leave Holmes penniless and beaten to a pulp if it ensured her own safety. In spite of this, Holmes had been willing to try something with Irene, something more real when he had finally accepted that Watson had deserted him, when she had died.

And here he was now. Alone. And more bewildered than ever.

Without warning, the door to the flat opened. Holmes scrambled up from his bed, where he had lain for hours if not days, and rushed to greet the man he’d been waiting for in great anticipation.

“Watson!” he cried out upon entering the parlor.

He halted where he stood on the bearskin rug when he realized he had mistaken the identity of his guest.

“I must say Mr. Holmes, I am amazed as ever by your deductive powers,” Mrs. Watson remarked a touch snidely, though not enough to seem outright rude. “Despite all of what John writes, he can never do your talents justice.”  

“Yes, well he struggles with the quantitative details. Your husband is quite...the romantic—with his words,” Holmes replied, his voice slightly shrinking at the end. He coughed deliberately to compensate.

“I know he is. And I know you hadn’t been expecting to see me again quite so soon,” Mrs. Watson attested. “Truly neither had I. But I must speak with you about my husband.”

Holmes’ heart plunged into his stomach. Did she know? Had Watson confided his illicit action to his wife out of guilt? Oh Providence above, this could be the undoing of both of them alike.

“...must you?”

“It is not easy for me to say this, as I have been married to my John for some time now,” she began.

Holmes’ breath caught in his chest and could not escape. But the woman, surprisingly, looked at him pleadingly instead of in disgust.

She calmly continued, “But you have known John for nearly twenty years and I only for three. I can tell he has told you of our troubles, maybe more so than he has told me. I must ask for your advice on how to proceed.”

While she was more collected than her previous visit, the desperation was still very much present. The pads of her fingers were dry with the turning of pages, books, perhaps old letters as well, easily deduced from the tired lingering redness in her eyes that even she could not conceal. Gladstone had clearly seen it fit to comfort her if his hairs clinging to the hem of her dress were any indication.

He wandered over to his desk, not looking at her now, and rifled through some papers aimlessly in search of a more interesting task to occupy him.

“Mrs. Watson, I shall make this brief then for both our sakes. I advise you to speak with your husband,” he laid out rather plainly, proceeding to pop a macadamia nut from the bowl on the desk in his mouth. “These are delicious. Would you like one?”

“No, I have no appetite at present,” she replied with little disguise of her distaste.

He smirked rougely at the thought of his next barb. “Perhaps you should consult a doctor in that case.”

“You are trying to irritate me, draw me away. Did John tell you to do that?”

“Watson has tried to instruct me to do many things, and he has yet to be successful in any of his attempts,” he countered dismissively.

Damn the woman was persistent. He almost wished that Watson hadn’t told him anything of the matter.

“For your information, I have tried to talk to my husband all in vain. Last night, he chose his bed in favor of discussing anything with me. In every other instance, he has either been with you or in town,” said Mrs. Watson, her frustration and confusion evident in her speech. “I...it’s almost like he is suffering one of those black moods of yours that he described to me.”

“Hmph! Watson suffering a black mood! I would truly be worried if we ever saw that day,” he said through a mouthful of macadamia nuts.

Holmes crossed the room, going to face Mrs. Watson for the first time in this conversation. He stood right in front of her, leaving very little personal space between the two of them. Her eyes bulged somewhat in anxiety, and he purposefully tilted his head to one side to illustrate a more disturbing picture for the woman.

“I was hoping to be left alone to organize my thoughts, but I see that this...issue shall not leave my life unless I clarify it for you.”

“I would like nothing more than to leave you alone, Mr. Holmes,” she retorted, which almost made him laugh.

He turned from her, starting to pace toward the window overlooking Baker Street.

“Your husband, Mrs. Watson, suffers from an affliction that many men possess. He belongs to a crowd of men who desire the companionship of a woman but not her product, the thrill of a romance without its baggage. He is atypical in that he genuinely cares for you unlike most with those desires, but he cannot deviate from what he wants or rather what he does not want,” he explained. He swiveled back to address her. “Have I made myself clear?”

The woman’s face in that moment was astonishingly unreadable. Then she bit her lower lip, and he knew instantly he had struck a nerve.

“Do you consider yourself to be one of those men?” She asked, voice quavering.

“Not in the slightest. I do not desire the company of anyone.”  

“Except for John,” Mrs. Watson rebutted, contemplative in her gaze. “And have you any other friends besides him?”

“I have found no other worthy as him, no. I dare say I never shall,” he answered honestly. “I feel we are drifting slightly from your initial point of inquiry.”

“No, no Mr. Holmes, you have provided me with more than enough answers to go off of,” she replied, bitterness very obviously sinking into her tone. She stormed out of his rooms without so much as a half-hearted farewell as though he had deeply offended her.

At the very least this time she hadn’t thrown a glass of wine in his face.

[thisgirlhastales]

Voting on a New Story :)

I’m going to extend voting on Patreon until tomorrow night, and here are the stories that are up to vote on! (There are longer snippets of these up on Patreon.)

1. Lance's Mom Takes Charge and Conspires Against the Garrison

Dr. Estella Caridad McClain-Alvarez knew her son was alive. It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a hope or a feeling. She knew that her Lancito was alive, that he wouldn’t run away or blow up Garrison property in protest or whatever bullshit excuse they had tried to feed her.

... But Estella couldn’t care less about mass hysteria or upending an entire branch of the world’s space exploration military base — she wanted her son back, and she would stand her ground and spend every last minute, every last cent she had, to retrieve him.

2. Lance vs. Lotor

Lotor laughed again, turning away to head to his rooms, where food would be waiting. Lance stared at the prince’s back, and not for the first time, imagined plunging a blade directly into it.

But the day when he actually did defeat Prince Lotor, it would on Lance’s terms, and he would do it while looking the evil asshole directly in the face. For Keith. For Hunk. For Pidge and Shiro. For Allura and Coran. For Earth.

When his friends, his family, finally came for him, Lance needed to be ready. But until then, he had to stay alive.

And that was easier said than done.

3. Keith is a Blade, and Lance Joins In

Keith knew he couldn’t avoid the team when he landed — not when he had to announce his arrival and dock shortly after, but he didn’t expect to see Lance ready and waiting, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was so out-of-character, Keith needed a second to steel himself before disembarking, uncertain of what to expect.

“Keith!” Lance shouted, and he ran for him, reaching up for a fist-bump, which Keith granted somewhat suspiciously. Lance followed it up with a hard clap to his back, right over Keith’s injuries.

Keith couldn’t hide the pained gasp, but he turned it into a cough and a laugh, saying, “Wow, did something happen? Why are you so happy to see me?”

4. Lance and Keith in a Different Sci-Fi Universe

Senior Chief Petty Officer Iverson had never liked him, but Lance didn’t let that stop him from smiling winningly — and then freezing because holy shit, that was Garrus Vakarian, one of the Heroes of the Citadel.

“At ease, McClain,” Vakarian said, and his mandibles twitched, faintly amused.

Lance hadn’t even realized he’d frozen mid-salute, and wondered what would be more awkward — finishing the sign of respect and then at easing, or just …

“McClain. Sit.” Iverson made the choice for him, and Lance found himself sitting in the chair his hands settling on his knees, one of said knees jigging uncontrollably. “Now, first off — if I had my way, you’d be off the force and back in basic Alliance training.”

This was pretty much what Lance had expected to hear, and he blinked at his superior officer, gesturing back towards the holding cells. “Yeah, but then, would you have that dust dealer tied up in copper wire and with a neat little bow, waiting to be prosecuted?”

5. Lance and Keith vs. A Garrison Conspiracy

He knew he’d gotten in without having to open it, and he grinned as he ran back inside, eager to show off to his older siblings, his father, and his mother. Everyone congratulated him, Veronica with a noogie, Marcos with a backbreaking hug, and Lance accepted the praise with a glowing smile.

His mother patted his cheek, murmuring, “Ah, mijo. This isn’t going to be easy.”

Lance nodded. “I know. But it’s been my dream since before I can remember, mamá. It’ll be best worst decision I’ve ever made.”

Lance wanted to see the stars up close. He wanted to fly space ships and go where no one had gone before. But he had a second, secret reason to get into the Galaxy Garrison —namely, to turn that place upside down, and finish what his mother started.

6. Lance and Keith, a Spirited Away AU

“You’re here with your family?!” The guy sounded even more shocked and appalled. Lance glanced down at this weird dude’s outfit — it was a strange white tunic, large blue shorts, a red belt cinched around his waist. He also had a truly unfortunate mullet. Lance opened his mouth to comment on this, but he was interrupted by a push. “No, you can’t. You have to go — get out, Lance — you’re in danger!”

The urgency in Mullet Boy’s voice was sincere. Lance couldn’t even begin to consider the what the actual hell part (this guy knew his name?).

The sun was setting. Lance hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed. The guy gave him another shove, hard, but not violent, and Lance turned to try and — wait, the temple place thing … It had lit up. There were shapes and shadows …

… And they didn’t look human. They didn’t look like anything like Lance had seen before.

And as a special bonus, 7. Merlin and Arthur Are Subject to the Entire Kingdom of Camelot Trying to Set Them Up (Which is my holiday gift to everyone on Patreon — multiple chapters of this incomplete story.)

“Merlin, I want you to work as hard in keeping yourself alive as you do keeping me alive, if it’s all the same to you. And no more silly risks — that assassin, he could have sliced you open if not for Sir Averill, and while your initial life-saving maneuver was successful, your second flailing attempt was unnecessary — I could have handled it from there.”

Merlin grinned inanely. “Of course, sire, that’s why you were lying there like a sack of potatoes.”

Arthur scoffed. “I most certainly was not! I was getting my knife out, you infuriating horse’s ass!”

“Taking your own sweet time of it. I thought perhaps you’d had too much wine, and I had to take the initiative. Next time we’ll come up with some hand signals.”

And that’s everything for now :) So for everyone already on Patreon who is on the voting tier, voting will end tomorrow evening — and if anyone wants to vote on or read one of these tales once it’s voted on, you are welcome to join in! :) And if you can’t, then no worries, and thanks for hanging around here with me! :)

[vee-angel]

Excerpt from “All for Nought”

So I recently finished an introduction for a third member of the “Pervert Pentet” series (Potty-Mouth Piper and Non-Consent Nancy are the first two characters out of five), but while beginning revisions, I noticed that the story was, to use a technical author’s term... bad. But I’ve also noticed that I’ve gotten a lot of new followers recently, so I wanted to give you all something to check out while I un-baddify the other story. 

What follows is an excerpt from Chapter Six of my as-yet-incomplete erotic fan-fiction novel set in the Mass Effect universe. It’s a bit tame compared to my normal content, and even tame compared to the other sex scenes in the same book, but at least it’s reasonably well-written by my current standards. 

To give a concise set up for the scene, Commander Shepard (the female version) and Jack (also female) have been pushed into going on a date, and they’re beginning to loosen up around one another during a walk on the beach of an alien planet:

Jack stopped walking, but kept an easy smile on her face. The two of them looked into each others eyes for several seconds. “Take off your clothes.” Jack finally said.

Shepard looked around, they had walked far enough from the bar that no one would be able to see them. The sun was nearing the horizon and the indigo tones of the sky and water were turning more towards a purplish-red.

She took a step back, pushing one strap of her black dress off, then the other. The dress fell down to join the billions of aquamarine colored grains adorning the beach. Her small but firm breasts were bare, lacking the need for a bra. Her panties were black, lace, and slightly sheer. After Jack’s comments about her undergarments back on Omega, she’d made sure to wear something sexy.

Jack nodded with approval at the lacy undergarment, but gestured with a finger to remove it as well. Shepard hooked her thumbs into the waistband and pushed them down to join the dress at her feet. Stepping forward, her naked body covered by nothing but the small rectangle of scarlet hair above her clit.

“Lay down.” An order that Shepard was happy to obey. Jack snapped open the front of her pants and let them fall, she wore nothing underneath. She took a step forward until she was standing over the Commander, her feet on either side of her waist. “I’ve seen you trying to sneak a peek back on the ship. Go ahead and get a good look.”

It was true, Shepard’s eyes had lingered over Jack’s body on more than one occasion. But this was the first time she really got a chance to stare. The features of Jack’s body were always a bit difficult to interpret. The maze of tattoos that covered her had a tendency to confuse the eye. Her skin was more inked than not. The small spot between her legs was still bare, though. And beautiful.

Jack wasn’t quite as old as Shepard, only a bit into her twenties, and something about her pussy seemed almost scandalously young. Her skin looked fresh, and firm. Whatever hair removal technique she used left no trace that hair had ever obscured any part of her body. Her outer labia were prominent, and puffy. Even standing widely, they barely opened to hint at the bright pink inner lips.

“You can kiss it if you want.” Jack said. Her tone suggested she had an almost arrogant pride about her sex appeal. Shepard sat up and craned her neck to bring her mouth toward the woman’s cunt. Her mouth opened and her tongue pushed forward seductively. At the last instant there was a painful ZAP to the tip of her tongue. She let out a quiet yelp and heard Jack gasp slightly. A static discharge, a common occurrence for biotics; on a metal ship there were plenty of opportunities for a biotic to dump the excess electricity into their environment, but out here in nature, the charge had built up. The tip of her tongue was still buzzing when Jack roughly grabbed her crimson locks. “Hey! I said kiss, not lick.” Her voice was firm, but not hostile.

“Sorry, Ma’am. Won’t happen again.” Shepard replied with a grin. Following orders has never been this fun before. Shepard thought. She closed her mouth and tried again. As her lips touched Jack’s slit there was no shock this time. She puckered slowly, affectionately kissing the hairless vulva. There was a sound of gentle suction as she slowly pulled away and looked up at the woman in anticipation of her next command.

“Lay back down. You can play with yourself while you look at me.”

Tease! Shepard thought with delight as she obeyed and gazed upon the slender form over her. Her hands moved down and caressed over her fiery red pubic hair to reach her own shaven lips. She ran a finger up and down her own slit as she looked up at Jack’s.

The hairless woman was still dressed in her leather jacket and boots. She playfully opened one side of the jacket, then the other, giving Shepard the chance to look up at her perky little tits and obviously erect nipples. She began slowly tracing lines across her torso with her fingertips. At the same time, she began slowly shifting her hips in a gentle, arrhythmic dance. The Commander had dipped two fingers into her cunt. Her palm rubbed against her clit as her fingertips stimulated her g-spot. This is amazing, she thought. She had never been so aroused without being touched. Looking straight up into Jack’s beautiful cunt as her body writhed above it almost made her cum right then and there. But she held off.

Despite the fact that Jack’s youthful breasts seemed almost immune to gravity, her muscles weren’t, and standing for so long appeared to be taking its toll. She dropped to her knees with a somewhat dramatic force. “Remember, Shepard, you can look, but don’t touch.” She wasn’t sure why the denial made her so hot. Jack’s knees were now just outside her shoulders. Her naked cunt spread wide less than a foot in front of her face. Shepard’s body was tensed from chest to toes as she went from making love to her fingers to fiercely fucking them. The woman above her closed her eyes as her hands ran over her own skin, her fingers eventually reaching her own center of pleasure. Jack’s middle finger made small, quick circles as she rubbed her clitoris. She paused rubbing periodically to give herself a few firm slaps between the legs. She grunted in pleasure-pain as she did so.

She watched as Jack touched herself, one hand between her legs, the other moving across her tattooed skin, sometimes joining her other hand between her legs, but mostly stimulating her breasts, pinching and tugging on her petite nipples. She strained to hold off so that they could reach climax simultaneously, but it was no use. Her breath caught in her throat as her ass tensed hard enough to push her pelvis up into the air. She was fingering herself furiously as she stared up at Jack touching her perfectly formed cunt. She began moaning uncontrollably as wave after wave of pleasure exploded from between her legs. It was a few dozen seconds before Shepard’s orgasm finally died down; though rather than withdrawing her fingers, she simply slowed her pace, readying herself for a second round. She could tell Jack was close.

Soon after Shepard’s orgasm ended, Jack’s began. Her teeth clenched, with her face scrunching up into a scowl as she looked skyward. Animalistic growling noises escaped her throat as her ecstasy grew. And that’s when it happened, a jet of hot liquid from Jack’s pussy that hit the lying woman in the neck. Several more rhythmic spurts followed, spraying through her fingers and splashing over Shepard from chest to chin. She dipped her tongue down to taste the salty orgasmic liquid. Jack finished with a powerful grunt and collapsed in the sand next to Shepard’s head. The Commander withdrew her fingers from herself and dipped them in the pool of cunt-juice that collected at the bottom of her neck, she brought it gingerly to her tongue. “I didn’t know you were a squirter.” she said in a quiet tone of post-orgasmic bliss.

“I’m usually not.” Jack replied in the same tone, “Guess you got lucky today.”

Shepard let out an exhausted chuckle, “I’ll say.”

“Ya know, I’m not usually into girls so much, but you’re all right, Shepard.”

She lifted herself up onto one elbow to look over at her directly. “Wait, seriously? I thought you just said that because you wanted to let me down easy.”

“What can I say, I’m a selfish lover. Chicks don’t usually like that. Plus they’re all either dainty little flowers who want me to protect them, or they’re bitches who wanna feel tough by trying to get me to be their obedient little sidekick.”

“I guess I should feel special, then.”

“Feel however you want, I don’t give a fuck.”

She did feel special, though. Jack kept just about everyone at arm’s length. Even during a sexual encounter, she maintained a certain distance. Still, she couldn’t help but think that she felt closer to Jack than she had before.

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Embrace of Fate:  Chapter 2

Yubel stared at the door. Like all those in the palace that they’d seen so far, this one was well-made and sturdy. If there was any noise outside, they couldn’t hear it very well. That would make sleeping a bit strange – after all their years of travel, Yubel found they were more acclimated to the sounds of nature or those that could be heard in a wayside inn than to absolute silence.

But they would get used to that. Yubel steeled their spine and turned around to view the room.

This is in the royal palace. It’s going to be beautiful. They expected that. Kuragari held a reputation all over the known world for how magnificent the architecture was, one almost as strong and well-known as their famous grapes and the wine made from them, or the fact that His Highness the Prince held the power of the Gentle Darkness.

What they saw when they finished turning put every mental image that they’d formed of this place to shame – not that they’d had many since Yubel hadn’t ever thought they would stay in the palace to begin with. But here they were and here they would stay because of all the people in all the world, they were the Prince’s soulmate and he was theirs.

Yubel still couldn’t totally wrap their head around that. It seemed like something out of a fairy tale, and Yubel tried to convince themselves for years that fairy tales were just that and not the sort of tales that came true.

Slowly they took a step forward, eyes moving from piece to piece and sight to sight. On all four walls hung at least one tapestry and one painting, each one being of some beautiful natural scene. On the floor spread out a thick rug, shaded in dark cream shades of white. Opposite from the wall with the door in it stood a wall with a wide window, that still had room for the painting – this one of a sunrise over a mountain – and a tapestry – this one depicting the ocean and the shore. What shore it was Yubel didn’t know, but it was beautiful regardless, a shining expanse of cerulean and sapphire.

In all their travels, Yubel hadn’t ever seen a bed as big as this one. Up to three people could have slept in it, with possibly room for four if all four were very close to each other. A touch revealed the sheets to be of finely made satin in shades of deep green jade, and the mattress and pillows were so soft that Yubel wondered if they’d somehow conjured a cloud in there.

On the table next to the bed they found a silver-backed mirror, matched by a silver hairbrush and comb, along with other odds and ends that could be used to tidy one up. A little searching revealed a wardrobe full of magnificent outfits of every type – not just the exquisite gowns one might expect from a room set aside for a prince’s soulmate, but sturdy doublets, tunics, trousers, and boots, which Yubel would far prefer to anything else if they had any choice in the matter.

There were chairs there as well, quite well cushioned, and Yubel sank slowly into one, still trying to understand all of this and not having a great deal of success.

It’s real. They slowly stared at the mark on their arm: a row of numerals all reading zero. The time had run out; Yubel and the prince – Juudai – had met one another. The numbers would stay like this until they touched one another, at which point they would become whatever the bond-mark between them would be.

Slowly Yubel traced the numbers with one finger, before tugging their sleeve back down over it. They would talk with Juudai about that soon. They had to – they were soulmates and Yubel came all this way to find their soulmate, they weren’t going to just run off into the night and never see him again.

Besides, Yubel thought, they didn’t know him very well yet. They’d heard stories about soulmates whose souls fit together flawlessly and yet whose personalities grated like two knives against one another. Sometimes such combinations stuck it together to work it out and other times they could not bear to be around one another.

I’ve talked to him for less than five minutes. I’m not going to leave just yet. Despite how plush and strange and comfortable and odd all of this was, Yubel refused to give up. They’d been committed to finding their other half for all these years. Nothing had changed except for knowing what he looked like and his name and that he was the prince of a major kingdom and the incarnate force of life itself.

And when Yubel considered that, nothing of it mattered at all, not compared to the fact that Juudai fit into them in all the ways they'd never thought anyone ever would, and Yubel wasn’t certain how to feel about that at all. No one had ever told them that being soulmates meant the other person completed you when you hadn’t even known you were incomplete to start with.

Words of their mother and father returned to them: to try their best, to learn to know their soulmate, to treat them like a person and be treated like one in return.

Being soulmates didn’t by any means force the bonded folk to stay together. If Yubel chose to walk away or if the Prince did, then while people would ask questions, they could still do it. Nothing and no one could stop them. Though the thought of what those warm brown eyes, so clearly thrilled at the sight of Yubel, might look like if they chose to leave cut into Yubel’s heart so very deeply.

Yubel pressed their lips together before nodding to themself. It would require time, effort, and everything else that a relationship that wasn’t between soulmates required. But they would see this through to the end, no matter what the end turned out to be.

Juudai leaned back in his chair, admiring the empty plates in front of him. He wasn’t certain of how many he’d cleared, only that there were a lot of them, and everything on there had been delicious.

I hope Yubel ate. Had anyone told Yubel that they could ask for whatever they wanted to eat? He would have to check on that.

Later, though. When he wasn’t so tired that he wanted to just close his eyes and go to sleep where he was. That sounded pretty good, he had to admit, though the idea of laying down was equally appealing. He just wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to move.

“Juudai?”

He raised his head up a little to see his mother peering at him from the door. She nodded towards him in greeting before moving over.

“I wanted to make certain that you’re doing all right.” Queen Kaien’s gaze dropped down to his arm where the counter rested at zero. “Have you thought about what’s going to happen?”

Juudai blinked, tilting his head. “I’m going to go to sleep? I guess Yubel is too – could you make sure they have something to eat? I didn’t think about that before.”

“Of course. But that’s not what I meant.” Kaien moved over to sit in the chair nearest to him. “When are you going to solidify your bond?”

Juudai blinked again, then shrugged. They’d brought that up before, but his mother more than once asked him the same question after he’d had a little time to think about it. Besides, now that he’d eaten, he could think about it. “I guess whenever Yubel wants to. They’re still new around here. And we do have to get to know each other, remember?”

From the first moment he’d realized this was his soulmate, Juudai wanted nothing more than to take Yubel’s hand, to hold them and never let them go. Only he knew how rude that would be and his parents raised him to at least somewhat think about other people.

That didn’t mean that he didn’t want to do it. He just wanted Yubel to want it as much as he did.

Kaien nodded. “You’re right, of course. But what about your announcement ceremony?”

Juudai groaned, slumping down into his chair and grumbling under his breath. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, you do.” Kaien turned a very stern look on him. Juudai called this one Stern Look Number Seven, This Is A Necessary Thing. His parents had a lot of stern looks that he’d seen over the years. At least he didn’t get this one all that often. “You don’t want anyone else turning up trying to make false claims, do you?”

That sent a shudder all through him. Enough that he’d had to deal with the Soulmate Party to start with. He didn’t want even more people pestering him now that he’d found Yubel. And he really, really didn’t want people trying to bother him about Yubel.

“I’ll talk to Yubel about it,” he said at last, grumbling. “We’ll figure it out and let you know.”

Sometimes Juudai really wished that he wasn’t a prince. There were all those rules about what he could and couldn’t do and people had to know things about him that he wasn’t all that sure that he wanted them to know. If he’d been an ordinary person then no one would care if he’d found his soulmate or not. But since he was Prince of Kuragari…

Kaien nodded approvingly. She glanced at the pile of dishes with a hint of amusement across her lips. “I see you’ve had a good dinner.”

“I was hungry!” Juudai defended himself. “I didn’t eat anything at the party.”

How could he have when so many people stared at him and stared at their arms, so eager for that moment when their counters would turn to zero?

“I noticed.” Kaien’s lips curved upward for a few seconds. “I’ll check on Yubel. You go get some rest.”

He nodded. He stretched a little, yawning and closing his eyes. The idea of moving wasn’t all that great right now. Then his mother’s hand touched him.

“Get in your bed, Juudai. You don’t want to sleep in your chair.”

“I don’t?” Juudai dragged his eyes open and wished almost at once that he hadn’t. Getting up would be so exhausting! But he shoved himself to his feet regardless. His mother told him to and he wasn’t going to not listen to her.

“No, you don’t.” Kaien nudged him a bit closer to the bed and Juudai fell in, pulling the blankets up over himself. Part of him wanted to remain awake, to bounce back up and go see Yubel, introduce them to the customs of the palace and show them around.

Instead, he closed his eyes and absolute exhaustion wrapped it self all around him.

Kaien watched for the few moments it took for Juudai’s breathing to even out and deep sleep to enfold him. She tucked the blankets in around him, staring for a few seconds at the series of zeroes on Juudai’s arm.

How long will it take? She wanted matters all settled; she knew that they would be in time. But Juudai took things at his own pace. He always had.

She glanced at her own wrist; the mark she shared with her husband shone back at her. His shield and her sword, together as they’d been since the first moment that they’d met.

We touched within moments. I knew. I always knew, even before we met each other.

She wanted Juudai to know that kind of happiness. She knew that he would. He’d met Yubel. But until that bond flared into full life it wouldn’t be quite the same.

Carefully Kaien stepped out of the room, closing the door behind herself. She crossed the hallway and tapped on the door over there. The door opened after a few moments and Yubel peered carefully out of the opening.

They blinked as it dawned on them who stood out there, then the door opened all the way and Yubel bowed low and respectfully. It wasn’t the style Kurgarian knights bowed in, but Kaien wasn’t going to complain.

“Your Majesty,” Yubel murmured, eyes cast down. “What can I do for you?”

“To begin with, may I come in? We have a few matters to discuss before it gets much later.”

Yubel nodded quickly, stepping back and closing the door once Kaien entered. Kaien glanced around; they’d kept the room as neutral as they could while they waited for whoever Juudai’s soulmate would be appeared. It would get more personal the longer than Yubel lived there.

“How long have you been waiting?” Kaien asked, taking one of the chairs. Yubel glanced at her, still drawn up a breath away from attention. “And you can relax.”

Yubel’s tension edged just the faintest bit. Kaien decided this would get better as they got to know each other. For all intents and purposes, she was Yubel’s mother in law, regardless of any official bindings or the lack thereof.

“I started this way a few years ago. I didn’t know I’d be coming here, though.” Yubel fidgeted, worrying at their lower lip. Before they could say anything else, their stomach rumbled, as loud and clear as Kaien had ever heard Juudai’s.

She smiled at that. It wasn’t difficult to already see ways the two of them would fit together.

“I’ll have food brought. Is there anything in particular that you’d like? Kuragari deals in quite a bit of seafood.”

Yubel slowly shook their head. “Whatever you like, your Majesty. I’m not picky.”

Kaien observed them for a few moments before nodding. “Yes, you wouldn’t be, would you?” Yubel traveled the world for years to find their soulmate, eating wherever and whatever they could. Kaien suspected once they’d left their homeland, food that Yubel was familiar with became far more difficult to get.

Yubel ducked their head even farther. Kaien made a note to find out just where Yubel came from and what sort of food it would be likely that Yubel would be used to.

But for now, she rose and stepped to the door, calling for a servant. One of the benefits of being Queen included being able to have one’s orders carried out almost at once. Right now, that would be very useful.

Waiting for that, she turned back to Yubel. “We’re going to need to announce you and Juudai are soulmates. Preferably as soon as possible.” Her lips quirked. “There are those who would attempt to claim that their particular chosen candidate is Juudai’s ‘true’ soulmate, through whatever means they could use to make it seem plausible. But once the announcement is made and the bond sealed, that won’t happen.”

Yubel’s eyes hardened, hands tensing into fists. “Is that why we – he – was attacked earlier? Someone trying to claim that he’s their soulmate?”

Oh, this is good. Kaien kept her features as composed as she could manage.

“To a degree, we think. Those we captured refused to admit to anything.” Kaien’s lips turned downward. “It may take some time but we’ll get what information that we can from them. But in truth, I suspect their true goal was to make certain that Juudai didn’t live long enough to meet you – or that you didn’t live long enough to meet him, if that failed.”

Yubel tilted their head, confusion in every gesture. “How could they stop that?” Their hand rested on the cycled down counter. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“It is, but it’s not likely.” Kaien chuckled. “Philosophers have studied soulmate marks and the intersection of fate and the timers for as long as I can remember. For as far back as history keeps count, in fact.”

Yubel nodded, eyes lighting up a touch more at that. “It’s the same where I came from. No one knows how it is, but everyone has an opinion about it.”

“That they do. And my opinion on this is that where you and Juudai are concerned, more than just your timers brought you together.” Kaien had spoken to no one about this. Perhaps Yubel was the right person. “You know of what Juudai is, I presume.”

Yubel nodded. Kaien continued. “We know little of how sentient the Gentle Darkness is when it’s not in human form, but we do know that it does things. It sent us Juudai, for one thing. But I’ve considered that the Darkness sent you as well – the one to love him. His soulmate.”

For a few moments Kaien thought Yubel stopped breathing altogether. Then they nodded, hands clenched harder and head held up high. “I wouldn’t even need that counter to do that.” A sort of strained laugh fell from their lips. “Though I don’t know how I would have found him if I didn’t have it.”

Kaien chuckled, leaning back and running one hand through her hair. “Neither do I. But I don’t think it matters. You did find him and he found you. We’re going to announce it in a few days.”

Yubel’s gaze dropped down. “How long do we have to get to know each other?”

“As long as you need. Being announced doesn’t mean that you have to change that. Though I’m certain that rumors will say you’ve already bonded to one another.”

Before Kaien said another word, a knock came on the door. Yubel opened it to reveal one of the servants. Kaien recognized him; that wasn’t a surprise, either. Only servants actually vetted for years were allowed to enter the royal section of the palace.

The moment the servant saw that she was there, he started to bow. Kaien gestured them to stop and set the food on the nearest table. Now wasn’t the time for bowing. More than that, she wanted Yubel to get both food and sleep as soon as possible.

And she wanted to learn as much about Yubel as possible.

Juudai knocked hard at Yubel’s door, trying so very hard not to squeal. He knew he shouldn’t; it would be terribly rude to squeal at the door of one’s soulmate. At least he thought it would be, so he didn’t try.

But as soon as Yubel opened the door, blinking sleep out of their eyes, he grinned the biggest grin that he’d ever grinned in all of his life.

“Hey! Are you ready to go for a walk – uh, would you like to go for a walk? With me?” Juudai rubbed the back of his head. He wanted to be polite. He wanted to make a really good impression. He didn’t think he was doing the best job of it, but he tried regardless.

Yubel stared at him for a few moments before they nodded. “I’d love to, Your Highness – Juudai.”

Juudai hadn’t ever thought of how his name sounded when his soulmate said it.

“Could you say that again? My name, I mean.” He shifted, eyes dropping down and then raising back up to them. “Please? I like it when you say it.”

Yubel said nothing for a few moments, then a smile broke across their lips. “Juudai.”

Juudai shivered all over. “Thanks… uh, that walk? Please?”

“Just a moment. I need to put my shoes on.” Yubel glanced at the rug-covered floor beneath them and their bare feet. “I like the rugs.”

“Me too!” Juudai practically squealed at that, looking forward to moments when they could wiggle their toes together in the rugs, maybe by a warm fire. Juudai hadn’t ever looked forward to winter so much in his life.

Yubel left the door open and Juudai peered in curiously to see if they’d made any changes yet. So far he didn’t see anything, except for a single bag that he’d never seen before. The bag was worn out, with stitched places marking where holes had been, and a few worn spots that hadn’t yet been mended. It hung over the back of the chair, and he thought it was about half empty.

Yubel tugged on a pair of boots that looked as battered as the bag itself, though not with any holes that he could see. They didn’t look like the ones that he’d seen them wearing the night before, which were set over by the flickering fire.

Yubel also didn’t wear the outfit that they had the night before, instead wearing a tunic and trousers, faded and patched, and Juudai thought it fit them so much better than the fancy outfit as well.

Together the two of them headed down the hallway. Juudai’s hand twitched every now and then toward them, but he managed to keep from touching them. He wondered if he should get a pair of gloves; that would probably help make sure they didn’t touch before Yubel wanted it.

But for now they stepped outside into the expansive royal gardens. Warm sunlight spilled all over them and Juudai managed not to twitch at the feeling. Light didn’t bother him all that much but he still preferred the darkness.

Yubel’s hand twitched closer to him. He caught sight of it out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

“You can have whatever you want here,” Juudai told Yubel. “Clothes. Food. Anything you want for your room.” He rubbed the back of his head. “What would you like?” He would give Yubel everything that he could. He couldn’t even imagine something that he wouldn’t give them.

“I wouldn’t mind some new clothes,” Yubel admitted. Juudai nodded; he would talk to his parents about it as soon as he could.

For right now what he really wanted to do was just walk with Yubel.

Aodh watched as Yubel and Juudai made their way through the gardens. He suspected they didn’t see him or Kaien at all. The two of them sat across a marble table, sharing a light snack together, and discussing various small matters pertinent mainly to the two of them.

The two of them and their son, in all truth. And his new soulmate.

“What do you think of them?” Aodh asked, eyes tracking the two, who remained so close to one another and yet who didn’t touch, regardless of how much they clearly both wanted to.

Kaien sipped a hot cup of tea. “I think that Yubel is exactly what Juudai needs. Someone even fiercer in his defense than the most skilled or loyal bodyguard that we could ever hire.”

Aodh nodded. He’d suspected as much from the moment he’d seen Yubel’s attack on those who tried to hurt Juudai the previous night. He wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest if Yubel managed to claw their throats out.

He also wouldn’t have cared if they had. Juudai needed someone like that to protect him until he’d matured, in every way that he needed to.

Should I ask them? He’d barely been properly introduced to Yubel at all. What he knew was that they were his son’s soulmate and how fierce they were. Yubel would be suitable; he didn’t doubt that at all. But would it be fair? Would it be right to ask them this?

Kaien’s hand rested on his and he looked toward her. She knew what would be going through his mind. She knew what he worried about as intimately as he did. They’d never uttered a word of it towards Juudai or anyone else. How could they?

“Give them time,” Kaien said. “Let them bond, let them know each other. Let them have what time they can together before it all has to change, Aodh.”

A smile tugged at his lips but he didn’t really feel like smiling when it came down to it. “They’ll likely have forever together. Different forms but the same heart – the same souls.”

Kaien’s gaze shifted to the barely visible forms parading through the garden paths. “I know. But there isn’t any need to rush anything. Is there?”

Aodh sagged back into his chair, letting his weariness show as he so seldom did. “We can wait. But not forever. I’ve heard all manner of rumors and last night didn’t make it any better. The Light is building an army, taking people from all over. Even a few of our own have shown the signs.”

Kaien drew herself up. He would have to show her the reports; she was far better at strategy than he was. Juudai’s power would be able to hold off the Light of Ruin’s advance, but only if it were matched to the power that protected him. He had been born with a sword; now he would need his shield.

To Be Continued

Notes: Next chapter has their first kiss, Juudai’s pledge of eternal love, and Yubel becoming a dragon. Not necessarily in that order.

[sunlethscape]

The Wicked King Thoughts

this isn’t going to be an edited and professional review like my gaming reviews are lol. i just finished this at 2am last night and i legit DID NOT sleep well because i have so many emotions about this book...many of them that only got more negative as i talked about it with my best friend? which makes me sad because The Cruel Prince is my favorite fantasy book ever!!! maybe favorite book ever periodt!!!

so uhhhhhh here are my thoughts, i need to get them out and move on, especially since the wait for Queen of Nothing will be so long. ALL THE SPOILERS, OBVS so please don’t read if you haven’t read it yet and don’t want to be spoiled!

i think most of my issues stem from the fact that i think the book needed to be a lot longer. in a trilogy, the second book is the most important, in my opinion, because it serves as the bridge between the beginning and the end--there is no other bridge beside this book. and this book was really short and felt like it glossed over a lot? 

there is a 5 month time skip at the beginning, which doesn’t feel like the best move because seeing judge get acclimated to being cardan’s seneschal and all that entailed on a daily basis, both in terms of the physical stress and in terms of her feelings with cardan, would’ve been 1) great and 2) necessary for their relationship. 

jurdan is supposed to be this enemies to lovers trope, but the only way that this trope really works is if there is a significant amount of development in the relationship, or else the transition between enemies to lovers feels jarring and just doesn’t work. i didn’t see that transition here...they’re both very broken people, who have lacked the knowledge of what trust is for much of their life, but they do know it to some extent. i needed a lot more from them, a lot more development and also not what feels a retcon of what they learned of each other? like at least maybe cardan showing some hesitation or /something/ while sleeping with other people when he supposedly likes Jude, Really likes her enough to be unable to get her out of his head, enough to just scrawl her name on a note over and over again. they kind of do what they did in The Cruel Prince -- be mad at each other and have some sexual tension -- but just for the span of a book. it feels like there wasn’t any development, other than getting to know each other a bit more, having sex, getting close to becoming somewhat honest and then at the end that’s just obliterated. with cardan laughing a beat too late from the rest at the end, i know he has to have some plan set in motion, and it’s the only plan that will keep jude safe, but it’s still ?????? you got married literally the night before. which it wasn’t even a marriage “ceremony” that sat right because this is where they should’ve been honest about each other, at least to some noticeable degree. it would’ve made the betrayal at the end better, too! 

the betrayal/ending felt incredibly rushed. i remember checking the amount of pages left and being like...what’s going to happen in such few pages? and for an entire ending that leaves the reader shocked as well as an epilogue (which did nothing, really) to happen in such a short time felt very rushed.

there was also just /another/ time skip of another month. so we essentially skip over 6 months total in this book, and it feels...incomplete. i think the book needed to be double its length in order to carry the amount of development that it needed. it needed more build up toward all of its major plot points -- ghost betraying jude, taryn betraying jude, and prince cardan suddenly being in full control of his powers.

the last one, in particular, bothers me because we spend the entire book seeing him as a king that is more clever than he lets on but is ultimately still messy and rather naive. we get no build up toward him being more in tune with his powers -- it’s not something even jude knows at the beginning, and with being outcasted from the family his whole life, i doubt he received much training. it’s glossed over as him “learning scheming” well in the month that jude spent underwater but...again, that does nothing for the reader. it didn’t feel cheap, but it just wasn’t developed at all, so i was confused as to how he suddenly had perfect control. you need subtlety in books, but you also need to build up to certain things. 

locke explicitly trying to kill jude also felt ????? he’s always been extremely shady even from the beginning of the cruel prince, and jude does threaten him pretty explicitly here, but we’ve gotten no hint that he’s capable of murder before, as far as i remember. he’s been conniving and sneaky and trashy and unfaithful, but he hasn’t been shown to even think of murder as a valid option. taryn and him are annoying and this entire family thing should’ve been resolved, or reached a climax at least with all parties aware of everything, in this book. like...he can’t just have murdered jude and then he mostly disappears from jude’s mind and the general picture until the next book lol. 

i feel like holly black has created this amazing universe with such fascinating characters but isn’t letting them get the time to develop. we could’ve gotten so much more about nicasia, her mom, the blacksmith who is suddenly a really important player but that we see in two freaking scenes, about the court of shadows (especially ghost since????????????????? like yeah you served prince dain but bitch he’s dead now lmao WHAT you’re siding with what will destroy the land???? okay go off i guess), taryn, just...everyone. i’m puzzled as to why some scenes are in the book, like heather being turned into a cat or whatever and the scene with eldred’s past lover who just decides not to help jude even after opening up to her (which was a nice character building moment, yes, but he’s not even a major player in this and it wasn’t a necessity since he didn’t even help her and the scene doesn’t do anything meaningful for her)

trying to remove my bias as a shipper and lover of good romance, i find myself unabel to agree with people when they say romance isn’t at the forefront of this story. sure, political intrigue, war, scheming etc might all be at the forefront...but so is romance very much. the book’s synopsis touches on the romance. the book’s title is a reference to jude’s love interest. jude and cardan are the only two characters that get page time throughout the entire book (even if i wish there could’ve been more cardan, though i’m not sure if this is becuase i love him so dearly) and are the lead characters. the romance /is/ a very important part about this story, it’s why so many things (including the ending) happen. and i’m sad that what is the best enemies-to-lovers trope i’ve come across was just...nothing close to that at all in this book. it’s a messy relationship, they’re messy people, but i feel like we should be somewhere else with them if the next book is the last. the pacing was really not great here, at all. some people complained that the first book took too slow to start, which i found the pacing to be on the slow side but i was more than okay with it, but this was way too fast. if all these events spanned from the front to back of this book, then sure that’s fine but it needed to be a longer book. many things feel underdeveloped. 

i read it in one sitting so sure, it went fast for me. i’m a huge fan of the first book and this is the first book i’ve anticipated so strongly in a very long time. but i was hooked on the first book, as well, and not only did i not read that so fast but there was also proper development for everything so i was very satisfied at the end despite it being technically more of a cliffhanger than the end of this book.

i just...i’m sad to be disappointed because i’ve been thinking about this book nonstop for months? : ( i love this series and jude and cardan dearly so i’m sad to feel so disappointed. to bring up another author whose books I’ve enjoyed, Sarah J Maas tends to fluctuate in quality but she spends /so much time/ developing everything, from the world to her (arguably less interesting) characters. if this book incorporated that aspect of her writing, we would’ve learned more about the lower courts, especially the court of termites, learned more about this entire universe teeming with so many possibilities. A Court of Mist and Fury, the second book in the A Court of Thorns and Roses trilogy, is a stupendous book. it’s dedicated to some action and plenty of political intrigues, but it absolutely nailed developing every single main character in a pretty sizeable cast -- especially the main couple, which desperately needed the development since they were enemies in the first book. Heir of Fire is the middle book in the The Throne of Glass series, and that entire book is dedicated to developing the protagonist, her relationship to the world and to who becomes her real love interest. 

these two books in those series are really popular because they spent so much time just simply fleshing everything out...i feel like The Wicked King just jumps from event to action at a rapid pace, with some minimal character building in between. i loved seeing an even darker jude, but there’s something missing in her characterization that i can’t quite put my finger on, and while i loved cardan’s development, i feel he wasn’t around enough. maybe if the book was longer, i wouldn’t have these issues, because it’s the easiest way to fix them. idk. i’m usually not one for multiple POVs (i don’t mind or love them, whatever fits the story best is fine) but i think this book would’ve really benefitted from that here.

tl;dr i’m v sad that i’m disappointed in what was totally my most anticipated book...maybe ever? ;o; especially since a lot of people seem to have loved it, some even more than the cruel prince, and while i totally respect that and see where it comes from, i can’t count myself among those folks. idk. i’m sad and impatient for Queen of Nothing!! feel free to reply/cry with me if you’re disappointed with anything or just dealing with the nearly unbearable sadness and emptiness of finishing a book of a series that you care so much about. 

@ holly black