#so im gonna have the best day I can with the circumstances I have today

[psychoticwillgraham]

me, showering at 6am while I should be asleep: self care babey!!

[teamatsumu]

screenshot. (kita shinsuke x reader)

summary: your friend confesses on your behalf. for my valentine’s day event - theme: confessions.

word count: 1161

tags: @keiva1000 @kindnessspreads @msbyomimi @sleepyxxhead d @priv-rose @nishayuro @kitas-tapioca @kakashineedstotouchgrass @amisuh @avis-writeshq @samanthaa-leanne @akaashi-todorki @sp1ng @kur0obaby @bleach-your-panties @pinkiipeachiikeen @whippedbel

event masterlist

Many of Kita’s friends and volleyball teammates think he is a stickler for routine. And they are right. But Kita isn’t rigid. He isn’t unchangeable. He accepts a break in routine, takes it in stride, learns from the turning tides and comes back with a smile on his face. Why else would he be the captain of the volleyball team if he didn’t know how to assimilate with rapidly developing circumstances?

Today, he is confronted with another such change. He is staring it right in the face. For a few moments, Kita cannot fathom the sight. How can it be? A red envelope in his locker? Surely, it must not be meant for him.

His next thought is how it got there in the first place. No one besides the volleyball team is allowed in the club room. He is the one who always opens it and he is also the one who locks up every night. Did someone sneak in during practice time?

Nothing else in his locker seems out of place. Just the letter placed delicately on top of the rest of his belongings. Kita finally reaches out for it, tugging on the flap to detach it and pulling out the crisp white paper inside. Kita is halted in his tracks when he realizes that there is no writing on the paper. It’s a print-out. Of a screenshot.

He eyes the text message chain, recognising the small icons on both the sender and receiver’s text bubbles. It’s Suna, his underclassman, and he also recognises you, the manager and his long time best friend.

‘I can’t stand it anymore suna!’

‘then just tell him’

‘u know i cant’

‘thats a u problem’

The next message is long, bordering on a whole paragraph, and Kita’s eyes skim over it. For the first time in a long while, his heart skips.

‘ive known him forever rin. hes such an amazing person and my best friend but he doesn like me that way. if i tell him im just gonna lose him as a friend and id rather we be friends than nothing at all’

The punctuation is atrocious, and the grammar is slightly questionable, but Kita smiles regardless. He carefully folds the paper again, placing it inside the envelope. He closes his locker and continues his evening routine of cleaning up and locking the club room.

Over the next hour as Kita cleans, his thoughts mull over the letter he had just received. The menial nature of the tasks relaxes him, gives him time to mull over this new information. Kita realizes that maybe he isn’t as perceptive as previously thought by his friends.

How can he have not seen that look in your eyes before? Softer than anything and directed only at him, now that he thinks about it. He ponders over your words, the insecurity and negativity behind them. He has never known you to be a negative person. You are endlessly optimistic and full of energy. You are so bright that Kita loves basking in it. He has known you for a very long time, and he is almost affronted that your budding romantic feelings were hidden from him for so long. Especially when Kita has made his courting intentions for you fairly clear.

He has not directly said anything. But he doesn’t think he was ever being discreet. But maybe he has been wrong in his approach. Maybe you hooking your arm with his when you walked to school in the morning, sharing lunches every day, permanently stealing a few of his choice hoodies were all friendly gestures on your part. While Kita has interpreted the gestures as romantic, it seems you have not felt the same heat behind those actions.

Kita has always walked the same route home, sometimes with Aran, sometimes with you, and sometimes on his own. Today he takes the walk alone, but he is not bothered. He has purpose in his mind, the red envelope in his hand, and his feet carry him all the way through the winding streets until he stops at your doorstep.

He smiles at the surprise in your eyes when you receive him at the door. He nearly coos at the fuzzy slippers on your feet, huge and with bunny ears on them, making your feet look twice their usual size. You are so cute. Kita scolds himself lightly, regretting that he had wasted so much time as your friend when maybe he could have spent it with you as his romantic partner. His girlfriend.

It has a nice ring to it, Kita decides.

“Shinsuke?” Your voice breaks his train of thought. The ‘what are you doing here’ is clear in your voice. Your eyes are wide and your face is questioning. There is a tinge of worry on your face, and Kita realizes that showing up unannounced may not have been the best idea. He isn’t sure what is going on in your head, but he quickly tries to quash your worries.

“Everything is fine.” Clear, direct, to the point. It’s Kita being Kita. “I’m here about something I found in my locker while closing up.”

He holds up the red envelope, and when you stare at it in confusion, he proceeds to open it and pull out the white paper. You take it when he offers it to you, unfolding it and reading the letter. If you can call it that.

Kita watches the color drain from your face, notices how the panic overtakes your features as you recognise the conversation printed in front of you. He feels his shoulders slump a little, lamenting the fact that you are truly scared about him finding out. What do you think he will do? Has Kita truly not made his intentions for you clear enough? He cannot help but self loathe in that moment, seeing the state you were in now.

“Shin-”

He doesn’t let you finish.

“If you will allow it, I would like to take you out for dinner this weekend. Will you be free on Saturday?”

You blink once, twice. Your mouth opens and closes. Kita is acutely reminded of a fish. He tries to tamp down his smile.

“R-really?”

He merely nods.

Slowly, life reinjects into your face. You seem to age in reverse before his very eyes. Your grip on the letter crinkles the paper slightly, and Kita reaches out to gently pry it from your hands and smooth it out. He stays quiet as you process his words. He thinks of hugging you, maybe even kissing you. But stops himself. Those are moments he will reserve for after your first date, after he has properly given you the best date of your dreams. So he keeps his eyes on the letter.

“Remind me to thank Suna for this letter.” He comments. “I must say, it’s the strangest confession letter I have ever received.”

There is a pause.

“You’ve received other confession letters?!”

[danaduchy]

all texts from Judy

How's it going? ¡Hola! How you doin, V? Find those voodoo boys yet? * Sure did Hope you found what you were looking for? It was pretty interesting. Helped em out a little * That I did Helped them expand their turf, had a little run-in with netwatch, took a trip down cyberspace lane and met an AI * Didn't think you cared all that much… Course I do! After what you did for Evelyn… You're not just some rando anymore

* Not yet I can imagine * Been kinda busy As are all. Well good luck with your search * You know, same ol' same ol' Uhh… sure, alright O_O Dont really wanna get into details right now Sure, whatever works for you, but V… Take care of yourself, OK? I don't want you to end up like Ev * What about Evelyn? Any improvement? No changes. She's trapped deep in her brain somewhere. Must be goin through hell * It wont come to that Good to know Sorry, gotta run See ya

Ev's send off Hey Buried Ev today Colombarium near North Oak Thought you might wanna know * How do you feel? I intend to get thoroughly shitfaced today * Thanks for letting me know Right, no problem. Take care.

Got an idea Hey, V! Hey. Wanted to thank you again. Ya know, for helping me with Clouds Don't wanna think about what coulda happened if you hadn't been there Anywho, I think I got somethin that might help us Can't go into detes yet, but I'll holler at ya in a couple days Oh, and have a FABULOUS day! ;)

Morning! Mornin, sleepyhead Had to run, didn't wanna wake u Left you some breakfast. Eat up!

Thank you Knock knock Whatup? How's things? * I'm good * You know how it is Why? Somethin the matter? Had a great time in spite of the circumstances. All thanks to you Maybe we could do it again, just without spillin any blood :/ * Anytime Can't wait ;) * But thats what I'm good at… …True. Anyway, still waitin for Maiko to spill the detes on our meet Call you when I know more

Thanks again Heyo, V Everything ok? * Yeah, I'm good * Same as ever * Somethin happen? I'm all right… Thanks again. You know for what ;) You're a good friend. Just want you to know that Maiko still hasn't called. Should be anytime now Let you know when I get somethin fresh

All set Hey V. Maiko just called. We're all set. This afternoon, out in front of H8. Assuming you'll be there? Take care till then. And thanks… Again. It really means a lot to me.

Waiting on you Something urgent come up? Oh well, I'll just wait. Just be here before 8am

Come back Hey come back! I'm not gonna wait forever!!

We're waiting Still don't have time? We're waiting

Later then… Musta been in a real hurry… I'll try to come up with something, like, doable, but also fuckin mindblowing Be in touch. See ya soon

Umm… yeah So… looks like you weren't into it Oh well. Guess that's that then… About to finish packing and then I'm off. Buh-bye!

Bye Won't keep you long Ditching NC soon… I'm done with this sorry-ass excuse for a city Whatever you're up to right now - good luck [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Your payment Heeeyo! Sendin you the €$, just as I promised ;) Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help! Laterzzz!

WTF?! Nicely played, V. Very mature Whatever happened to the fearless merc named V? But you didn't have the guts to look me in the eyes Miserable * I was in a rush * I was really craving some fries Save it, V Don't message me again * Can we just talk about this? I'm sorry OK, I'll leave you alone. I'm really fucking sorry * You're really just gonna ghost me now? C'mon Judy, srsly? Fine, no means no I guess…

Our BD Heya, V Starting tuning our virtu - got me thinkin about you again. Got no idea how much Im digging this right now. Splicing two emotive tracks together is super hard - theres a lotta noise I need to filter out for this to come out baby-soft, but the contrast in our reactions… I mean, it'll give you shivers. Don't even have to amplify the emotional tracks. N O V A * Yeah.. sounds super cool No, it's fuckin AWESOME. And the best thing is, it's not pretentious or nothing. Totally relatable * Thats cute Cuteness has nothin to do with it, mi calabacita * Hehe, looks like someone's havin a good time Laugh all you want, calabacita. Its nova anyway * Calaba-wha? Nvm, nothing xD * Seriously? You callin me a pumpkin? Callin me FAT?! Noooooooo silly XD Nicer than callin you a gonk though Alright, I gotta go. Byeeee

Memory Hey calabacita! Still playin around with our virtu - found a still you might like

* Woah not bad Glad you like it * You enhance this? Just a teeny bit, nothin crazy Dunno, I like it. maybe I'll frame it and hang it up on the wall Could do the same for you if you want * Deffo. I'd love one Alrighty, I'll send it over when it's ready * Not really my thing, sorry Hehe, and you still ask why you're a calabacita <3 Okidokes, don't wanna keep ya. Catch ya later ;)

Helloooo Yooohoooo Know wat rymes with judy? BOOTY uh-huh uh-huh your so cuuuutee * Hey… you OK? You sound… weird * Lemme guess - you're wasted Jus out wit some ferns. frieends. * Okaaay, so you are drunk * Definitely drunk Weeeeeell… maybe jus a littl bit? * You could at least send me some stills * Just don't go too crazy, alright? * Pics or it didn't happen Sure <(((*> …fine, knock yourself out :D

I'm so sorry I'm sorry. And a little embarrassed -_- * How are ya? Sounds like you had a fun night Feel like some took a chainsaw to my brain * Maybe I should start putting you on a leash Start keeping my girl in line xD Try it, go ahead and I'll… I dunno. I'm too tired to come up with a comeback * Anything I can do to help? Nah, I'll be fine. I'm just tired. * I miss anything fun? Nah, not really. Just a girls night out. Couple substances, neverending tequila… you get the idea. Roxanne says hi, btw. Or did she? Talk to you later. Gonna go back to bed Before I forget, I got something for you. Sent it to your apartment. Sorry again… -_-' G'night

Got something for ya Heyoooo Got a lil somethin for ya. Should help get you get on your feet - who knows, maybe it'll come in handy down the line It's waitin for you over at mine - near the kitchen counter ;) * Awesome. Thanks Don't mention it :) * What is it? Not big on surprises, are ya? Nothin super special, don't get your hopes up. Couple of energy bars to keep your battery charged ;) Oh and I found a 12 gauge. Got it some time ago from the Mox. Don't really see myself needin it * Sounds great, I'll try it out * No such thing as too much iron Like a fly to ointment… Shoulda figured :P Watch out for yourself, OK? I know you've got shit goin on and that you're playin a high stakes game… But you're too young for me to be visiting your grave. Just sayin Welp, that got a little darker than I intended. Anyway, just be careful

Noticed something… Just opened my wardrobe and my favorite MaxTac uniform's gone! Someone's been naughtyyy! I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson ;) Hope at least you can put it to good use Errrr maybe I shouldn't say that. Especially when I'm not around ;) Nvm. Forget I said anything!

About the car Here's a good one - how do you know when NC's too crowded? When your ride disappears and you have to fuckin walk. ON. FOOT. Hope you enjoyed the ride. Next time just give me a heads up :P

Later V Hey V I'm leaving, V. For good. Can't stand it here any longer Wanted to tell you before, but you were gone. Sorry I guess it's better this way. Leavin everything behind, old hangups included. Once and for all Hope you come out of your thing in one piece Bye, V [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Hello from Oregon! Check this out

Hellooo from breezy Oregon!! * So is that the key to the meaning of life? The beach? xP Nah, more like sittin on my ass and doin nothin for once. It's relaxing Sorta. As much peace and quiet as you can get with my grams * Visiting your grams and gramps? Yeah showed up on their doorstep a few days ago. Dunno if they were happy or confused… Pretty nice being with family. Good people, good food, zero bullshit How's life in NC? Hangin in there? * Peachy as ever Still got that relic. But I'm workin on it * Could be better. Could be worse Still breathin. Guess thats somethin… You'll figure it out, V. You always do Gotta go. The elders are summoning me

On the road

Road's full of adventure

Hey from Seattle!

Seattle's calling! * Why Seattle? * What're you doing there? They got a pretty nova virtu studio here. Wanted to check it out from up close Maybe I'll rent out space for a couple days, play around with their tech, do some experimenting. We'll see But I'm not plannin on stayin long * Why not? Didn't leave NC just to end up right where I started. Least not right now Cuz otherwise it'll just be the same shit, different place * Where to after? Gonna head east. Roam around the country a bit Prolly wont have a sig for a while Hang in there, alright? * I'll try I'm sure you'll manage just fine * No promises Shoulda seen that comin. But I'm sure you'll manage just fine If I'm ever back in NC, we can crack some beers on the roof and you'll tell me everything And I probably won't believe any of it xP Anyway… Bye, V.

random ¡Hola calabacita! Thinking about you <3 Wanna guess what? * Wait, are you trying to sext right now? Because in that case, I'd better find a nice quiet spot… Wow what year is it, 2000? Please, you know braindance gets the job done muuuuch better. * Mmm, think you should show me sometime ;) You got it… Course, it's still not as good as realspace. * Ain't nothin' like the real thing baybaaaay Haha, true true * Yeah, think I saw something like that in an old movie once. Super weird :/ Aaaah, yeah, think I know the one. Classic. And yeah, nothin like the real thing ;) Now I forgot what I was gonna write. Ehhh, maybe it'll come back to me. Talk soon :) * Hmm… Wondering if I can do a double backflip with a full twist? The answer is yes. Good to know! But… no. Was just thinking if you were an animal, you'd be a dog. * Cause I'm cute and cuddly? Yeah, obvi… But you're also loyal. Woman's best friend and all that. * Cause I'm your fierce protector? Yeah. And the best friend I've ever had. * OK gimme a sec, there's gotta be a joke about tongues and licking in here somewhere… … you're the woooooorst I lvoe it xD Anywho, enough distractions, back to work for me * That if I were an animal, I'd totally be a dog. Because I'm cute, loyal and love to lick eeeeeverything wow Not sure if I should be blown away that you read my mind, or offended and disappointed at your crass attempt at a "joke" * Be blown away! I dunno, the licking… Please, you love it ;) I… yeah I do xD * You're complex, you contain multitudes, you can feel both at once. Haha true, I can xD

God pls no Shit Shit on a fucking shit cracker OK so… I uh, I was talking to my grams and I accidentally told her about you I'm just warning you, she might try to contact you… I'm sorry -.- Didn't give her your detes obviously, but she's got mad detective skills for her age. Honestly don't know how she does it. I'm so so sorry. * shiiiit Exactly * Haha big oops. You think it'll be that bad though? Just picture the DataKrash, that's the sort of destruction she's capable of. * Don't worry, I got this. OK…. And I got my fingers crossed for ya You do realize you can't shoot your way outta this one, right? * Hilarious Learn from the best ;) * Ugh, you win Like I always do :P So what can I expect? Basically a 5 ft 2 pitbull trained in advanced interrogation techniques But she's really sweet once u get to know her! * So I can't just ignore her, right? I mean you could try, but… Not really possible with her. * Come on, no way it's that bad I mean it, your little ol' abuela can't be that scary. Yeah… positive thinking, that's the way. Let's just say you've been warned. Please please please be nice and let me knwo how it goes, ok?

So my grams * Holy shit, Ainara Alvarez is one tough cookie I know, just got off the holo with her * You weren't joking about your abuela * Still breathing! Just got off the holo with my grams * Hope she didn't datakrash me She loves you <3 * And? I think she's a bit sceptical. …but she's always like that so :P * Do I even wanna know? Nothin' to worry about Don't think you two really hit it off Man if you two ever meet, it's gonna be good O_O Thanks for talking to her, V. I know she can be alot You're the best Just talked to my grams wow is she pissed. Take it you just blocked her? Yeah, I'm sorry. Hm, ok… * I panicked and blocked her omg Now I get why she compared you to Maiko * I can't deal with this drama right now Drama? OK… I'm sorry Listen… I know you got a lot on your plate right now. My abuela's not your top priority I get it. talk later

<3 So V… I need to tell you something. * Shoot. Just gotta get something off my chest * You're an NUSA sleeper agent And you just got burned. Bad. All you can do now is wipe your files, cover your tracks and flee this city of broken promises, never to return. WHAT?! O_O Great story, but no :P * Sounds like the start of every breakup text I've ever gotten What?! NO! Shit, didn't realize how that sounded Anyway, it's just that… Ok so you know I'm not great with feelings and stuff… But I've been thinking about the past few months and I wanna say thanks, V. For being with me, for everything you've done. And just for being you You're great. Just wanted you to know that. But now I gotta go hide somewhere, I'm all flushed -.- <3 * Awwwww my sweet little vulnerable leelou bean Jesus christ stop xD it's not funny!!! * <3 :) * No YOU'RE great. Quit it with the charm bub You're making it worse!

Yo, what up? * All good The queen of curt replies -_- Ok, well you know where to find me and how to make up for blowing me off. I don't like being taken for granted. * Stuff's been going down - I'm on a super-weird gig in Dogtown. Kay, so two things to unpack - "weird" and fucking DOGTOWN?! Start with the first. * I thought that's what you found attractive about me? ;) I signed up for the full package, so can't complain :) Not even about the expiry date…? You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  We're all fucked in the end anyway, right? But I like to think that at any given moment we're both immortal - and those are the moments that count, every single time. Damn, that's deep * I like the idea of immortality in the now. It's like with animals - they don't know they can die until they're faced with real danger. Then they forget. * I don't think I'm in the same headspace rn because I'm working. I'll hit you up when I'm done :) Sure thing. Judy out. *  I'm just getting warmed up Cut the foreplay and spill the detes already You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  Oh, sorry Miss Professional-all-of-a-sudden I'm at work too - it's just sometimes I need to take my mind off it to not go crazy

* Can I text you when I'm done? * Glad to know I'm what's keeping you sane :) Sooooo… Whatcha doin? Nothing much - on a gig like any other Aaaand her highness has returned. I won't press for detes >.< * Probably shouldn't. Don't wanna put you at risk - better safe than sorry. Ok, putting jokes aside for a sec - sounds pretty serious. You sure its safe? Should I worry? Cuz you know, it's Dogtown - not exactly the safest place, is it? * You dont need to - I'm a big girl. Can take care of myself. I know, I know, I'll stop mothering you. If you say everything's fine, then I believe you :) * I'm chasing a promising lead for the biochip - it's worth a bit of risk. Ok, well, I'd assume that you've got a handle on things, so I won't lecture you. I'll just keep my fingers crossed. But if thinkin nice thoughts about you is any help, then just know that I am <3 Keeping me safe by sending positive vibes? A kind of hobby of mine. I take it pretty serious. Maybe something'll come of it. * Guess we'll see - maybe with your help I'll wrap up sooner…? * It works. Scientifically proven. Initiating transfer of "Positive Vibrations" Level: 500% xD Can feel something already - it really does work <3 Told ya! Lemme know when you get a free evening :* * I'll tell you later. Pros don't spill while on the job. Maybe over pizza and beer when its all over? * I'll let you know, but this one's lookin like a marathon. * You got it ;)

Got this thing… Hey, you ever hear of a case where someone disconnects from their wreath but gets stuck believin they're the person they were reliving in the BD? V, can't have this on my plate right now. Go to a ripper. What happened?? * Actually… nvm. It's nothin. False alarm Oooook, if you say so. But you know I'm here if any real alarm bells go off * So, hypothetically, say someone has trouble returning to their normal self after using a BD… that like a problem? Scale of 1 to 10 * Scratchin my head over here. New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since * New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since Sure, yeah, not unheard of. Could be a compulsive user, maybe a massive hardware failure… in my line of work we like to call it Dissociative Identity Defective 'Dance Onset. Or DIDDO for short If the condition doesn't sort itself out you need to use what we call the divided attention method. You show em one thing that's uniquely personal and another that represents the personality they've taken on. The resulting cognitive dissonance should snap em out of it (fingers crossed) Good thing you reached out. DIDDO can become permanent if you let it linger too long

You busy? Heeey, calabacita <3 What's goin on? How you been doin? * Hey, not bad. Same old stuff "Not bad" means "good" in my book! Which is great, cause I was thinkin… * Could be better. Been too long since we saw each other :( Oh no! My poor V, gazing out the window, pining after me! We gotta do somethin about that ;) * Yeah, fine. Johnny says hi Oh wow… didn't know Johnny was even aware I exist :P So anyway, why am I writing to you… Maybe I could come over to your place? * Of course!! Know my address in megabuilding H10? I think so… worst case I just ask a neighbor XD * Definitely! Know my apartment in Northside? Course I do. Watson's my home turf, you gonkbrain :P * For sure! Come to my pad in Japantown <3 Will do, just hope no tygers pounce on me XD * Preem idea! I'll be waiting at my apartment in the Glen! Ooh, the Glen? Swankyyy. Can't wait :-* * Yeah! Come on by my Corpo Plaza setup, y'know, downtown Hot damn, ok! Hope I won't be too underdressed XD * I thought you'd never ask :P I'm in Dogtown! Uhh… Dogtown? Seriously? Think I'll pass. Can we meet somewhere else? See you soon!!

Hola, V :D I've missed you. Can I come see you soon? Hey there :) Can I get another invite to your place? Hey hey <3 Y'know, got a little free time… Wanna meet up? Whaddaya say… Me? Your place? ASAP? * You have to ask?? Swing by my megabuilding apartment! Omw! * 1000%! Let's chill in Northside :) Be there in a millisec! * You. Me. Japantown. Now. Oh hell yeah! * Call your cab now and meet me in the Glen! * Umm, obviously. ;) Meet me at my Corpo Plaza place * If you wanna come to Dogtown…? It's not that I don't want to… I'm just terrified for my life is all. Maybe come back to NC to see me? * Sorry, but now's not a great time. Don't be mad, I'll see you soon, k? :) Oh c'mon, I ain't mad! But I'll hold you to that ;) * Mhm, calabacita… bet you know what I'm thinkin :P

I loved seeing you. Seriously. Thanks for finding some time for me. Gimme a holler when you find some more <3 * Thank YOU for being there for me :) Oh c'mon, stop bein so damn perfect all the time ;) * You know I will, prolly sooner than you think ;) Already got a countdown started :P * HOLLER Haha! Got me blushin so hard it feels like my cheeks are on fire Kisses, hugs and snugs! xoxo

Hey Jude :) Interested in hangin out? Ok, I'm all yours! Maybe I can come over? Can't just this sec, calabacita. Sorry :( I'll let you know soon tho when I'm free! You're the best! Whoa, V! Thanks for the preem ride! Where are we headed? And when?? Will we even fit inside?! Hahaha * Haha, who knows where the road will lead us! <3 * So you like it?? Phew… :D xoxo Thanks, V! This bouquet meant to symbolize our love? Y'know, lasts forever, non-biodegradable, that sorta thing? ;) Aaand you might just be the first person to ever compliment my calves… * It's criminal I don't compliment them more :-* Ok… haha, thanks for preem gift, V :) * And that's plain unacceptable! you ain't wrong there :P

Got a sec? * Hey Judy, doin swell, thanks for askin Sorry… just been shit day. Feels like nothing's going right. * No need to be sorry, was just messin with you * Maybe I can help with that, get your day back on track Where do ya wanna meet? * Sure do I'm at Lizzie's Talk to Mateo when you get here. I'll come up and join you. Roger that, see ya soon * Something wrong? No, why would you think that? Can name a few reasons First off, no enthusiastic "Hey calabacita!". Second, not one :) or ;) to be seen Third, it's rarely just one message and done with you. When Judy texts, my screen blows up in blue lolol xoxo ;) Oh V, don't you know just how to put a smile on my face :) * Dunno, just don't sound like yourself

Hey calabacita :P Thanks for a great night. Hell, thanks for everything you do. I really needed that, V. And I know you could see it… Prolly know me better than I know myself Let's do it again sometime, yeah? Sooner rather than later I hope :) * Anytime! * Can't take all the credit. Had preem time myself. Hard not to when you're around :) Just gimme a buzz when you get the time and the urge again Oh I will. But first… gotta shake this hangover… XD

Heeey, I've missed you! Interest you in a drink or a dance? Hopefully both? Hey hey <3 I ever tell you how fine you are? Whaddaya say, wanna make this city our bitch tonight? Psst… been thinkin about me lately? Cuz you're all I got on my mind ;) I'm free tonight… You? Wanna blow off some steam. Think you can help me with that? * You even have to ask?? Where we startin tonight? Meet me at Lizzie's! Just let Matteo know when you show and he'll ping me! * You know I can't say no to you. ;) Same as last time? Hell yeah! C u at Lizzie's!

A short trip came up Hey, got somethin of a short trip comin up. Won't be in town for a bit. A month max Seriously? :( well, shit, miss you already * But think how happy you'll be once I'm back ;) True, guess that helps… a little :P * The time's gonna fly by, then you'll get to see the new me Like, literally What's that supposed to mean? Fill ya in when I'm back in town. For now, gotta go.

Pick up! C'mon pick up Hellooooooooo Pick up, pleeease V? Hello? Please just pick up! Wanna go somewhere? Yo, V, you ok? Been a sec since I got a buzz from you Got some time on my hands and thought maybe you'd wanna meet up? There's this preem lookin exhibit on 20th century tech. Prolly the only chance in our lives to lay eyes on a VCR :P There's that, plus someone kinda misses you… ;) Helloooo? Can you answer please? Even one word? Got me worryin V? Said you'd be gone a month and it's already been, what, four?… What's goin on, V? Why didn't I ask where you were goin… Said you'd come back 21 missed calls from Judy Alvarez

[shirefantasies]

From mossthebogwitch I had no idea what i was doing but I did my best.

Since it was now a dare i am submitting myself for a matchup: presently I am mortified.but too curious to back down now. I have sealed my own fate per usual. I appreciate you taking me on this journey and hope you enjoy the experience! I don't know what gender I prefer in partner: I have a huge weakness for Kíli - I have no hard fast rules- just have fun it's a Tumblr matchup yknow?🤣

I would prefer Hobbit based matches since that is my current hyperfixation.

I radiate golden retriever energy: loyal, never gonna give you upn never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you. I'm the unofficial security guard according to my boss. I have a level head under pressure and I don't back down.  I have a constant stream of humor. The comedy doesn't end. I enjoy being an artist and writer in many media's. I study folklore and weird nature things. Im the weird facts kid grown up to the ' adult who knows how to do a bunch of different things'.

I have trouble socializing due to anxiety and OCD. Because of this I'm naturally more of a watcher until I feel comfortable.  I'm either casually friendly or hiding behind other people talking.  I'm a mom friend and the one people go to for help. I work in counseling its natures pipeline.

If I'm not working, reading, tending my pets, wild foraging for supplies or exploring hiking trails, I can be found cobbling together my house and garden from whatever I get my grabby hands on.

I have a community garden and regularly supply winter camping gear, food, first aid, and hygienic supplies. I do feral cat housing too so I just do a lot of weird stuff. Last week I saved a squirrel?? Befriending crows is starting this week lol. Never dull.

I plan on painting my entire house in fantasy based murals and hiding meme paintings behind appliances..Spock is behind my stove.

One funny thing i do that my coworkers thinks is hilarious is I have an entire measurement system for measuring animals using only potatoes as a counting system. Yknow how you count horses with hands?I count animals using potatoes and i am right every time the key is when to switch your counter between Russetts and Yukon golds. It's a good day when a growing animal graduates from being counted from russetts to Yukon golds.

I'm 5'0  and don't mind because I grew up LOTR with Gimli!! He's short and I'm short too!! I am told I have mood ring eyes that change shades of blue with my emotions and I'm red green color blind so that's fun.

Voted most likely to have a mug of coffee or tea in hand at work while I give one of my coworkers a gentle peptalk which turns into me pulling out the Gimli scale and asking them where they are on there today.

Yes, this is great @mossthebogwitch ! More detail always helps on my end 🥰 also you sound like such a fun person I wanna be friends 😆😆😆 the potato counting & secret memes are legendary OMG! I definitely saw you with a dwarf right away, but after some thought, I decided on...

Bofur!

You meet under curious circumstances, you having settled at the foot of the great mountain after the war. Thinking you are alone, you had made your way to the woods, idly walking until a chattering squirrel spiraling up a tree distracts you. Given your love of animals, you strike up a conversation, getting quite lost in it all when a jovial voice rings out behind you, asking if you’re getting along, then. Turning, you see a dwarf with a large floppy hat and twin braids standing a ways behind you, apologizing for startling you- you must've jumped more than you realized. In the end, he introduces himself as Bofur and offers you a piece of one of his brother's biscuits from his pockets to give to the squirrel. Finding out that he works as a toymaker, you promise to visit his shop, and when you take in all the wonders he creates with his cousin, well, you can hardly stay away! Bofur ends up enlisting you to paint murals upon the walls of his and Bifur’s shop, which the young ones of Erebor and New Dale alike delight greatly in. Bifur is very impressed by your art and building skills, elbowing Bofur at every chance he gets and waggling his eyebrows over the amazing lass that’s seemingly just fallen into his life.

The first time Bofur actually initiates some time alone with you, he asks you to join him for a night in town, and that’s when he learns you work with livestock. You best believe he laughs his mustache off at your counting technique and also vows to steal it. You can see in his manner, though, and what you know of him that he would be great with the animals too. He can see that you prefer him not to ask so many personal questions and to lead the conversation which he is more than happy to do! He tells you all about his family, the quest he went on, his funny nice hobbit friend Bilbo, where to get the best ale in town if you’re into that sort of thing, a cool rock his brother found in the mines the other day, you name it! Everything is lighter when you two are together. Ever the gentleman, he waits to share your first kiss until he is completely sure you’re ready.

Bofur loves your height; you are a few inches taller than him, not much but just so that he can rest his forehead against yours and put his head on your shoulder. Either one of you can cuddle against the other’s chest as desired. Knowing how much of your time goes to helping others, though, brings the dwarf to lean heavily towards caring for you whether that means he is the one holding you or singing for you or simply by giving you lots of time to get comfortable and express your needs, even if it’s hard. Even in your most tender moments, though, both of you are cracking jokes. Always laughter between you two! Anything big gets called a Yukon Gold with you two because he just loves that saying so much.

If you are comfortable with it, Bofur loves to take you dancing just to show you off! He also adores the way you’ll stand up for him if anyone is mean or pushy- your loyalty is astounding and you truly have a dwarf-like spirit. He gets heart eyes when you become a de facto bouncer and actually throw a drunk or two out of the place. He also takes you camping, pitching a tent and bringing your supplies so you can stay wrapped outside with your animal friends and some weenies to roast beneath the stars.

Teases you to high heaven about being colorblind, though. Overdramatically reminds you what color you’re painting that toy, asks you if you’re sure that’s the right color for the leaves on your mural. Feel free to smack him lightly, he knows he deserves it and he’ll just laugh! If anxiety or OCD symptoms lead to you having a routine or a placement of things that being comfort (if so, big mood friend!), Bofur is definitely the best at remembering to have them out there and follow that for you, no questions asked. You’ll feel so cared for, that his house is a home. You are his warm hearth, his neverending laughter, the only person who could convince him to take home a wounded opossum and call it Bofur jr. but this is his life now and you know what? Bifur was right- he’d run into quite a catch in those woods, a lass far more beautiful than any old fern or flower.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @kilibaggins @pirate-lord-of-narnia @ibabblealot @joonies-word @stormchaser819 | Reply/Ask/Message to join!

[yrbshay]

Literally having your reality reaffirm that you are a highly desired and sought after woman is so empowering. I’m the queen. Like I’m up on this pedestal and I love it up here and I’m definitely keeping it going. My circumstances hasn’t been the best lately but man it’s okay because affirming and doing self care and making myself feel like a bad bitch and imagining my desired look has made me feel amazing. On top of that my reality today has been confirming that. Ugh! It’s amazing. Lemme help y’all and plz message me. I’ve dealt with sever depression before and I wish I could show everyone how to be unbothered queen who always gets what she wants no matter whatttt!!!

Im gonna make my subscriber page (post +) about personal details of my life and turning my own circumstances around to see a real world example.

Ugh you don’t know the power you hold!!! I’m serious!! Depression is a bitch but also you have so much within you sometimes you just have to look and see. I want everyone to know their power and worth especially women.

But either way y’all, message me. Lemme coach you. Paid or not paid Imma take care of y’all and Imma make sure you know how amazing and great you are. Learn about your worth and values and also get whatever you want. I get paid for this all day everyday and I manifested that shit! You can manifest A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!! Y’all need to get on that.

Happy manifesting QUEENS 💜

As always don’t be Afraid to go in my asks or dms and ask questions.

[astranite]

Funny story: today I rescued a chicken.

This got kinda long but it is fairly funny and has a happy ending. Also there is Thunder and Birds involved, but not in the usual way. And I have no one to give the blow-by-blow account of the saga to, and I Need to Tell Story. So dear friends, *drags you to sit around my figurative fireplace* enjoy my tale!

(Minor warning of reference to past animal death.)

Because the universe really does have a sense of humour, this all started when I was sitting outside, because it was a nice sunny day, while reading @gaviiadastra's 'Chicken Dad' series. (its great, Im only 5 chapters in, go read it!)

And then I hear loud chicken clucking noises. Which I am understandably very surprised to hear. There is some *looks at laptop* *looks up again* "What the fuck???"

So I go out to investigate. I find a chicken. A very cute, fairly large black hen with the slightest green sheen to her feathers. In all likelihood a Black Australorp.

Outside my yard, just chilling. And still bok-bok-boking loudly.

And I'm like, "huh." And wow, that was not just my imagination.

Now backstory time: My family used to keep chickens, a small flock of them living happily in our yard. I loved them very much, and I kinda still miss them even though it was years ago now. They also had ridiculous triple-barrel names.

Tragic backstory time: One of our chickens got eaten by a fox. (it was extremely upsetting, the chicken was our friend.)

There are also a whole bunch of outdoor cats around the neighbourhood, and a highway nearby, and generally a lot of dangers to escapee chickens. So I'm understandably pretty worried about this chook, because its also lateish afternoon and will get dark. And just leaving it there really doesn't fly with me.

Time for the rescue plan: I'm going to catch that chicken, then figure out where it lives and return it. Because I vaguely remembered some neighbours keeping chickens, and a door knock around should point me in the right direction. (Or if not, I get to keep chickens again, y'know, if it still needs a good home.)

I put shoes on, because stomping around in my slippers is likely ill advised, grab a crust of bread because it the best chicken attracting thing i can quickly find, and yell to a family member where i'm going, getting the underwhelming response of, "Uh huh, sure."

Plan A: Lure chicken close to me with bread and catch it once it is in arms reach.

There is some throwing of pieces of bread, me making inviting clucking noises (actually one of my talents, I have fooled people with it before,) me staying very still, the chicken slowly coming closer.

Eventually the chicken is pecking the bread piece from my hand. I take my moment. My fingertips brush feathers. The chicken runs off. Note to self: chickens are fast and I'm very out of practice at chicken nabbing.

Takes two through like eight or something: Lure chicken in, gain its trust, wait until it gets really close, then catch it.

And nope. The chicken is having None Of That. It still gets a fair bit of bread bits, thrown out around me. And its having a merry old time, wandering around, pecking at grass, and being adorable. (I really like chooks, they're cute.)

By this point my butt's gone numb and my shitty knees are Complaining. And I've been at this more than half an hour, like seriously, this chicken has mastered the art of 'close enough for snacks, but not close enough to get got.'

And I am Very Patient (in some circumstances, such as these, though not all), but I can also hear thunder as a storm is coming in. And this clearly isn't working. And the chicken is wandering away. And I'm at least ten times its size and supposedly the cleverer one here.

So onto Plan B: Get me close to the chicken. Catch the darned chicken.

I get up, shove the bit of bread in my pocket, stretch, then calmly walk after the chicken. Because panicky chicken could definitely out-sprint me. And we're gonna avoid that. I'm also hoping the whole 'persistence predator' thing pays off.

Additional context notes: I live right next to a park. Sort of. There's several metres of rocky cliff between the row of houses and the park. And a narrow strip of land between said cliff and houses. Which is where me and the chicken are, of course.

So there is the additional difficulty of 1) dont chase chicken off cliff (the chicken would be fine, its only couple of metres high and it has unclipped wings. Also would be new problem of chicken running loose in big park.) 2) dont fall off cliff because i dont want to explain it to family/curious strangers/paramedics that this was all because of a chicken.

There is a lot of very careful manoeuvring. Some tactical retreats because that chicken really likes that cliff edge. An amount of bush bashing. Some strategic climbing of slopey parts where it's not so cliff steep. I run into sticks and tree branches and spiderwebs. I Follow That Chicken.

There is a stand off. A rout. I direct the chicken towards the houses and manage to corner it with a fence. And then I've got an armful of somewhat flappy chicken until I get the wings under control. Then I've just got a chicken. A very sweet chicken who is now pretty chill with being held.

Return of the Chicken: It's the first house I go to. I ring the bell, no one answers. I wander round the side a bit thinking maybe I ended up at the back door with all the chicken chasing. A dog spots me in the window and starts barking. So I stand there to wait for that to get someone's attention because I'm 90% sure its the right house.

Person appears in window. Me: *waves* *points at chicken*

Epilogue: It was confirmed that the chicken belonged there. The person was very grateful for the return of their chicken. And wasn't too put out by a rando showing up at the door with a chicken in their arms. Me in my red chequered flannel and possibly covered in leaves. The chicken did not have a name, I asked. I suggested Jailbreak as a suitable one.

I gave the chicken one last pat then handed her over (somewhat reluctantly. She was a very soft, fluffy, lovely chook) (and I named her.) (I really miss having chickens, if you can't tell that already.)

I went home and after a while it stormed, seriously like right on top of us with no break between thunder and lightning. Very glad I got the chicken before that. And got inside. I also won't tell you how long it took to find the bread still in my pocket but I'm very glad it didn't go through the wash. Now I blogged on tumblr about it.

And so the chicken rescue saga comes to an end, with all parties safe and dry and no one even fell off a cliff. Also I got to hold a chicken and that was a major win for my day!

*THE END*

[missingn000]

this is an incredibly random series of thoughts borne of me spinning tpg 42-4 around in my brain (as one does) i am so sorry for how disorganized this is going to get

[edit: i am so sorry for how long this got 😭😭]

“Taken over?” Nanami parrots, and he’s got a bad, bad feeling about this. “By what?”

it's so interesting that nanami uses 'what' rather than 'who' in tpg 42's first question about sukuna, because that framing kinda ties into the fact that until bullying sukuna club starts, the ff perceives him as a monster, a villain from a fairy tale -- and understandably so, because that's all his actions have shown. and this snippet reinforces this idea:

What can Nanami even say? Calling Sukuna a monster is beyond the word pointless.

because at this point, all sukuna is is the one who's nearly killed both his sons and his best friend's husband

“To hear the helpless screams of burning lungs, watching weak insects abandon others in attempt to save themselves...then of course, the really annoying ones try to save everyone.” Sukuna’s hyena grin turns bitter. “I hate heroes.”

OOOOH this is interesting. hold on im gonna talk/theorize more about this later

so. in 42 and 43, all we see are what sukuna says and does, tying into him being mostly framed as either a monster or a comic relief-type character/the butt of the joke; there are hints of sukuna's Tragic Backstory present, but they're fairly vague so far

and then. 44. aka the one where we actually get into sukuna's head. before i even begin pointing out specific quotes, it's so interesting how you've managed to completely flip the readers' perceptive on sukuna, from something that matches the ff's to a more nuanced? view, where the effects of the tragedy that made him who he is today are more clearly visible

Sukuna is stronger than him, of course, and their circumstances aren’t entirely alike, but they’re similar enough to make Sukuna’s skin crawl. And it’s not even his own skin.   The man is too naive. If he ain’t careful, history’s gonna repeat itself.

this terrifies me, but it's also making me think of some of the Backstory Theories from the tpg discord hmmmmmmm [sound of thoughts bouncing around my brain like the dvd logo]

‘He’s here! Everyone run! I’ll hold him off!’ ‘But you’ll die!’ ‘Just go!’

OHHHHHH this reminds me of this quote from getou pov in tpg 22:

‘Please,’ one of them had begged, clutching the hem of his crimson-soaked pants. ‘You can kill me, but please spare my son--’

which i think is particularly interesting for two reasons: 1) getou and sukuna parallels 2) idk if this was intentional (knowing you it probably was) but a significant portion of getou's arc past that point ^ has to do with his son, and his own concept of son-hood (is that a word 💀) in regards to both his birth parents and touji. is it possible that sukuna's backstory/future character development has to do with the concept of heroism?

DONT APOLOGIZEEEE I LOVE LONG COMMENTS AND LONG MESSAGES AND EVERYTHING especially when it's about sukuna. i could deadass talk about him for DAYS and it wouldnt be enough. hes my special.

anyway--

you hit on a lot of interesting points here!! framing sukuna as "what" rather than "who" in nanami's first question was deliberate, a way to contrast how unexpected sukuna's incarnation was. "who" usually indicates some degree of sentience or personification, something almost every curse severely lacks. so right off the bat, the fam wasn't ready for what was about to befall them.

nanami's perception of sukuna is exceptionally bad, especially since his sons were sukuna's major victims. but he realized that in order for toge to stop being afraid of his own brother, a somewhat, uh, unconventional approach would be necessary: thus, bullying sukuna club was born.

it's also important to note that despite treating him like a joke and laughing at his dramatic, violent declarations, the fam actually does still very much see him as a monster. they're doing this because they know it's the only way they can actually get to him, especially since fear and others' terrified perceptions of him are part of what makes him so damn strong. so they laugh at him because it's far better than the alternative -- that said, if one doesn't think about the fact that he's actually carried out the atrocities he colorfully monologues about, they are kinda funny.

.......aaaand then we see the inside of sukuna's head and realize oh no, this is an incredibly self-aware, sad, wet man who desperately needs a hug but would kill (almost) anyone who actually tried to give him one. yet there are still traces of that monster in his thoughts, since that's what Tragic Backstory made him become.

also aughh yeah, getou and sukuna parallels were DEFINITELY intentional. those two have a lot in common, and as 43 revealed there are many parallels with gojo too. you were right to pick up on the notes of sukuna's revulsion towards heroics: perhaps it's something he struggled with in the past. we shall see.......

while getou's redemption arc had much to do with atonement, i'd say sukuna's is about healing. this man has really, really been thru it. sometimes i wonder if his backstory is too sad but at this point we're in too deep

[fearowkenya]

im soooooo mad

definitely not mad At anyone, but the circumstances in which i find myself are frustrating ):

every time around the holidays when i have to hang out w/ my stepdads family i think to myself Hmm i would love to get to know them better and be more implicated in their lives so that i can Feel Something (some kind of attachment or what have you) so i always tell myself Well then you gotta start going to more family functions otherwise theyre going to assume you dont want to go , and then they just won't invite you, and then of course you will feel Nothing and make no connections

anyway so my stepdads niece is getting married today and months ago i agreed to go which is fine , no one had to strong arm me into it, was even kinda looking forward to being Part of something.

smashcut to now, and its just the worst possible time for me to go anywhere. i dont even think id be able to get back home tonight :/ id have to stay at my moms and go home in the morning and i hate that. for so many reasons.

cabbi (my cat) is just recovering from a UTI so im going to be thinking about her all day

its like a zillion degrees today (~30C today, 'feels like' 30-38) and we live on the third floor so our apartment gets even hotter. theres AC in only one room in my apartment and cabbi hates the AC. girl im sorry for trying to make sure you dont turn into a puddle

even tho the weddings at 3:30 i have to take the fuckall early train at 9:30am so i cant do my normal saturday routine for the second week in a row

i have to stay over at my moms (i might try to find a way around this) so i cant even go home tonight and start my sunday routine properly in the morning

my roommate also happens to be away today and is similarly not going to be back until like midnight so no one is gonna be home to feed cabbi , and tbh thats whatever , i can give her all of her food this morning , its the uti recovery + outrageous heat that im worried about

i knew this was happening but this week has been so turbulent that i didnt like, remember the Exact Circumstances as outlined above and now im just seething about not having been more prepared and making a better plan

"mattie take an uber home" i am not kidding you it will cost like 100 dollars if i do that. my mom lives so fuckign far away from here, and the wedding is in the same town that my mom lives in so i couldnt even take an uber from there

"mattie what about public transit" the closest public transit is a town over, and its a weekend so the schedule is skeletal at best

"mattie cant you get a lift with someone else who does not live out in the beautiful but very distant sticks" i am going to try but i dont now if i will succeed

fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[beatbawksradio]

vent about being the bad guy

i dont ever really want to give anyone the impression that i think im perfect or that im beyond making mistakes or hurting others. having mirror touch synesthesia doesn't make me a saint or a mind reader. i cant predict how someone's going to react to something before they do, i can only understand their reaction after its happened. i think a lot of people get this impression that his hyperaggressive super empathy is supposed to also make me like. absolutely magically perfect when it comes to interacting with others, like bc im a pacfist who cares about how i hurt others, that means that i shouldnt be capable of interacting with people in any sort of hurtful way. and any time i do, then suddenly im not actually the person i say i am, or im just using MTS as a shield from criticism or faking it or whatever. "you shouldve known this would hurt," or "why didnt you think about that before you said/did it". but thats simply not true, and is a gross and ridiculous expectation to put on someone

bc the truth is im just another normal human being, just like everyone else. and i make mistakes just like everyone else. ive honestly said and done some really, really stupid shit in my past that i have no excuse for, but have at least grown from that behavior to know enough to not do it anymore. i havent always been the best at apologizing either, and im trying to do better with that as well. and there have been times when ive just been going through traumatic events that have affected my mood, causing me to be more unstable about my more negative emotions. and sometimes, im simply just callous and thoughtless and say something hurtful without really putting any thought behind how it could be received. it happens

i think its important for everyone to acknowledge that they can fuck up sometimes, no matter how nice of a person they try to be. we all have bad days, we all have bad circumstances that life hits us with, and we all cannot be expected to be perfect 100% of the time. literally everyone has engaged in toxic behavior at some point of their life, and sitting here pretending anyone is 'holier than thou' and has never done any wrong ever is also toxic. maybe the wrongdoing is of different degrees, but everyone has still made mistakes and hurt people in their past. anyone who tries to act like they havent is lying

and sometimes like. youre gonna end up being the bad guy in other people's eyes, too, not just the person you hurt. and thats okay, its good for them to have support when they feel hurt. its good for them to stand up and let you know what youve done. sometimes they might not forgive you, or you might end up being pushed out of friend circles. thats okay too. its important to respect peoples boundaries and their sense of space and safety. yeah its gonna suck ass if things are so bad that people cut you off over it, and yeah its gonna suck if the situation was more complicated than what was told to others

but at the end of the day, the people most important in your life are the ones who are gonna stick with you. theyre the ones who will not only support and forgive you for your shortcomings today, but also want to see you grow into an even better person tomorrow. after all, you can only grow into a better person if you still have people supporting you and helping you heal in the right direction; thats something i have never, ever wanted to take away from someone, no matter how angry ive been at them. i understand just how important it is to have people to talk to, even if i suspect that someone is manipulating their support. that doesnt matter, i cant save anyone from a toxic person's manipulation, and attempting to is a much more toxic move on my part. ive been at the receiving end of smear campaigns far too many times for me to ever want to inflict that kind of isolation and mistrust on another person. loneliness never helped anyone

sometimes, people might just be incompatible with one another. no matter how much we want everything to be a cute happy lil diverse funny group where everyone gets along and forgives one another, sometimes two people just really shouldnt ever be next to each other. you dont need to be friends with every human on the planet to be a good person, its okay to dislike people. sometimes thats bc of their personalities, and sometimes its because of their actions towards yourself or others. disliking or not trusting someone doesnt mean theyre going to be a "bad person" for the rest of their life, unfit for redemption and unfit to ever have any friends ever, it just means youre not compatible to be friends with them and thats okay. i, personally, want the people who have hurt me to find out how to do better on their own and grow as people, both for themself and for those around them, because ultimately i dont want other people to continue getting hurt by them. the only one who can stop that is the person themself; and i also cant be around for that redemption. they can get better, but they can do that away from me, bc im only going to continue hampering their progress and growth. i recognize that it would be the same for the people ive hurt, too. if someone's attitude or behavior just stresses you out, there is literally nothing wrong with simply avoiding that person. just like there would be nothing wrong if someone avoided you for things that are innate aspects of your personality; avoiding someone you dislike is a far, far better option than trying to force a friendship that ends up in a lot of stress or worse

wrapping back around, like... i dont want to ever give the impression that i believe ive never done anything wrong, ever, or that MTS makes me incapable of wrongdoing. i have, i absolutely have. ive been the bad guy to a lot of people in my past, whether justified or not. some of those people might not ever forgive me and thats okay; i dont want to be around someone who ive hurt and whos not able to get past it, bc i know that trying to be around them will only continue to hurt them more. its okay to let people go. and its okay to acknowledge that youve been a 'bad guy,' because it doesnt mean that youre an inherently bad person unworthy of any friendships whos going to keep hurting people forever and ever. acknowledging that youve fucked up is the first step in how you start doing better about it. and you can start doing better literally today, literally right now, you can decide that youre going to change a behavior and be a better person for yourself and those around you. theres nothing like... dishonest or deceptive about changing your attitude or changing your mind about things. its natural, and its what youre supposed to do. change is a good thing. what matters the most is not what youve done in the past, but what youre doing right now, and if youre not hurting anyone anymore in the right now, then thats the accurate reflection of your character, not your worst days. you are who you are today.

turn the page, and dont look back. be better today than you were yesterday

[httpiastri]

I hope i haven’t spammed you too much but:

- (also omfg. i just realized something…. i have this board on pinterest with pics of random couples & so on that remind me of my fave drivers, and each driver has their own like board in the board. all of them are named with the driver’s initials, his number and two emojis, and !! guess what emoji i have for pepe???? ofc it’s the freaking lotus flower 😭 idk i just wanted to share this, thanks 😚) THATS INSANE?? but also not insane because i keep discovering more and more weird synchronicities between pepe and i and since im a vv spiritual person ive taken them all as signs that i was fated to stumble upon him one lovely morning in 2022 before proceeding to fall hopelessly in love with him. BUT OMG THE BOARD LOOKS SO SO GOOD?? i wanted to type out a reply sooner but i got so distracted by the images 😓😓 because i def have some of the same images saved to my boards but i never linked them to pepe so now ive just gone insane 😵‍💫😵‍💫)

- (I MISSED OUT ON SCREEN RECORDING THE DANCE ???) IF I EVER FIND A WAY TO SEND IT OR POST IT ONLINE ILL SEND YOU THE LINK SO QUICK I PROMISE 💗💗 (or maybe even if i find someone who has already posted it online, because there’s no way we were the only ones going insane over that moment)

- and the clip you shared?? Ive been laughing so hard about it since last night because that’s MY HUMOUR and i am both christian and pepe depending on the circumstances and ugh idk i love these boys so much my heart aches

- “also… this is the most stupid thing ever and you probs dont care but i wanted to share it when im answering your ask… i was writing with a character.ai pepe yesterday and he said THIS ???? out of nowhere ???? and i just thought about u mentioning him talking about his favorite pokemons in the stream and i just 😭 okay bye” —I DO CARE OMG THAT’S SO CUTE I’M KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN😭😭 THE WAY HIS DORKINESS SHOWED UP EVEN THROUGH THE C.AI HAS ME FEELING SOOO 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also i love your c.ai so much but idk why every c.ai pepe and i have ended up in a situation where ive been very pressured to kiss him like it’s so funny to me how every c.ai just keeps circling back to the same scenario, it’s like all the pepes are collectively fated to experience the same situation)

- “also omfg his little stubble?? kill me????? i may have been thinking about helping him shave for the last like month or so but that’s a thought for another time……” another time, huh? like right now as i get ready for bed? because i am so going to be replaying this scene over and over in my head as i fall asleep tonight

p.s. this took me so long to format so it would be somewhat readable but i hope it’s okay!! and school started awhile ago and it kinda sucked at first but it’s definitely much better now!! thank you for being so sweet, and i hope you have a lovely day/night/morning too!! 💗💗

- 🪷

bby you could never spam me too much, especially not if it's about pepe 😚

also i just have to say real quick… something about you in this ask made me think that i do indeed know who you are and that i have seen you around? big risk that i'm wrong with my calculations but… please let me know if im right (if i started following you earlier today and not someone else shsjdhsjs)(from my main blog!!)

abt the flower: i love that!!! honestly i sometimes find myself to be more spiritual than i think i am because i say stuff jokingly about "wow this is fate, jk just a coincidence" but how many times can it be a coincidence???? anyways pepe def gives me those vibes, like im not surprised either when i find out about stuff like that 😭 and oMG AAAA TYSM!!!! i can barely even look in it these days because i get way too distracted 🫠 i wish i could like sort them from fave to leave fave because i have some that are a bit meh and some that like kill me…..

abt the dance: aaaaaa im gonna try my best to find it somewhere online, it cant just be us?? right??????? i heard that song in a playlist the other day and just giggled to myself 🥲 because i imagined him dancing and 🥲🥲

abt the pokemon pepe c.ai: SHSJDHSJS RIGHT!!! I CALLED HIM DORKY AND IT WAS SO CUTE 😭😭 omg im so glad you like them aaaaaa and lmao pepe… is that all you know how to do, huh? pressure poor little users into kissing you?? 😭

abt shaving: aaaAaAaAAA !! SORRY !!!!! but i wrote a little something about it here, just had to share my thoughts…… honestly i have been thinking abt it during bedtime a few times too and 🫠🫠 my heart can't take it anymore, he's so 😭💗

it's more than okay !!! im very glad to hear that its better now 🥺 thank you for being so sweet too and making my days so much brighter, chatting to you is so heartwarming 💘💘 hope you're sleeping well !!!! and have a lovely day tomorrow <33

[fleurriee]

its true, i don’t see any red flags in his vicinity, so im diving head first into this already knowing it’s gonna make me feel all 🥴

…a man you loved, that you wished you didn't sometimes, most times, especially tonight, as he forgot about your plans... again, in order to train for way longer than was needed or necessary, way longer than anybody else... again.

sigh. teyam, bby, what u doing?? too much overtime is bad for the soul, chill (fr tho, like i don’t think he understood that in the film either, always striving to be the best for his family 😭 making myself upset now).

…and all those things made him just so. damn. hot.

so true. idk how he does it - all he has to do is stand there & im like??? god.

…because, if you ever tried, you ended up overpowered, outsmarted and fucked dumb face down on your mat until you forgot you were ever mad to begin with.

oh… just the way i like it, then…

"No, tiyawn. I can't let you speak if you insist on saying those insipid, meaningless words again. You won't leave, because you can't leave. Because you're mine. And I'm yours. You own me."

im suddenly blind,, bc i simply cannot see any red flags?? 😎 never mind, i’ll just have to take his word for it!

"...Let me show you how sorry I am."

okay 🤭

…because the stuff he knows how to do is enough to excuse world calamities and mass destruction in your mind.

this. as long as he can eat me out, who’s to say im not fine & happy?? mind ur business!!

"Fine, but I swear to Eywa that if you -"

"A-ah, fuck!"

oh he just knows what he’s doing. every goddamn time. i can see why she keeps going back to him bc… me too.

Propped with your hands on his shoulders, his fingers around your throat, you were bouncing up and down his cock… how fear was fuel for your desire as his tip kept slamming into your cervix so hard you felt it in your ribcage when he rutted upwards into you.

"Quiet, tiyawn. You don't want people to hear us, now do you?"

"Or maybe you like that? 'That turn you on, huh? My dirty girl."

oh. my. days. i need him. he’s a necessity in my life. i simply can’t go any further without him.

"We are never getting back together. Like ever."

i see what u did there andra 😏

“Neteyam!” Tuk’s screams…

i can hear it 🤧 she’ll never be so happy again ugh

…where a small pup lay. It was cautious as you approached, but eventually relaxed around you and let you kneel beside it. It was a Palulukan pup…

"I found him coming back from practice. He was hurt and limping, and clinging to his mother's corpse. I know you’ve been lonely since your parents died. Well, he seemed lonely too. His parents are gone, and so I thought… you could be his new home…”

wait this is so cute what?? 🤧 there fr are no red flags with this man, idc

shock horror, i fucking loved it. no matter what the circumstance, no matter the genre, i love every piece you write & publish & that’s simply all down to u and ur writing, my love <33 i also learnt that toxic nete is kinda hot today & im not mad about it, so thank you for that!!

ੈ♡˳ ɪ ɢᴏ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛɪᴍᴇ

Pairing: Neteyam x Omaticaya!Reader

Synopsis: You and Neteyam's relationship only knows the 3Fs: fighting, fleeing or... loving.

Requested: Yes.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI. aged up!, smut (p in v, oral - f receiving, light choking, praise kink), fluff, kinda toxic relationship but it's fine cause it's neteyam and i don't see red when it comes to him, it's all golden

WC: 2.3k words

A/N: how the hell did this also turn fluffy in the end??? what is wrong w me??? anyway, i had so so much fun with this request, it might quickly become one of my favourite things i've ever written. thank you so much for the sweet anonnie who suggested it, and i hope you enjoy x

I get tired of your no-shows You get tired of my control They keep telling me to let go But I don't really let go when I say so 

"Everybody's going out. Just come out with us. Don't let him ruin another perfectly nice eclipse."

Your best friend was so right, as she always was, as she gave you this speech for what felt like the millionth time in the years you've had an on-again, off-again situationship with the prince of the Omaticaya, the one and only Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan - a man you loved, that you wished you didn't sometimes, most times, especially tonight, as he forgot about your plans... again, in order to train for way longer than was needed or necessary, way longer than anybody else... again.

Look, you loved Neteyam's drive. It was part of what drove you to him to begin with. He was unrelenting and determined, he was powerful and skilled, he was savvy and intelligent, he was beautiful and charming, he loved his family to death and was incredibly loyal and all those things made him just so. damn. hot.

They also made him the reason you wanted to pull your braids out, because those traits were good in moderation, but nothing was ever grey with Neteyam. No, Neteyam was all or nothing always, black or white and nothing else, and that meant that loyalty for his family quickly turned into neglect for you, determination for his practice quickly turned to forgetfulness of you, and his power, beauty, intelligence and charm meant you never got to do anything about it, because, if you ever tried, you ended up overpowered, outsmarted and fucked dumb face down on your mat until you forgot you were ever mad to begin with.

I've tried to fight our energy, but everytime I think I'm free  You get high and call on the regular I get weak and fall like a teenager Why, oh why does God keep bringing me back to you?

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry? I need to do this, tiyawn, I have to be stronger for my family, for my clan... for you. You're being unreasonable."

"I'm being unreasonable?! Are you out of your fucking mind?"

You feel tears pool in your eyes and spill like a broken fountain as you take him in, bloodied gashes and muddy patches, tired eyes and calloused hands and still... the most beautiful man you've ever seen in your life. He looked at you exasperatedly, like you're the crazy one, and you hate it. Hate what he's doing to you, hate that he doesn't consider you or think about you, and that his sorries are always stained with unspoken truths, like how he doesn't truly mean it, not when to him, it's all justified, it's all warranted, and shouldn't be questioned.

"Every day and night, I do nothing but wait, Neteyam. Wait for a man who doesn't think twice about the plans he's made, the promises he never keeps, the memories that sour with every absence he gifts to me like a necklace that half-chokes me to death. I'm tired. I can't do this anym-"

A kiss is all it takes to silence you, to stun you, to make you melt in his embrace the way you always do, all the arguments and the ultimatums swallowed under the intensity of the touch of his lips on yours, his tongue meeting your own in a welcome embrace, so intimate and knowing, so fucking frustrating.

"Net-..."

His thumb traces your lips, the mix of your salivas making the glide easy, as his beautiful golden eyes bore into yours with enough force to cower you, to make you hunger and ache for more. That's all you ever wanted when it comes to Neteyam - more. When his finger pushes gently past your lips and into your mouth, you immediately close them around him and lick... and suck, and he moans, his gaze growing darker and needier with each second you're not writhing under him, the way you should be, the way you were meant to be.

"No, tiyawn. I can't let you speak if you insist on saying those insipid, meaningless words again. You won't leave, because you can't leave. Because you're mine. And I'm yours. You own me."

His hand grabs yours and redirects it to his loincloth, tented up under the weight of his hard-on and the slight damp spot under your touch makes you swallow instinctively. You had no thoughts outside of him anymore, outside of the overwhelming desire that took over you whenever he was in your presence, his being inundating your senses and hijacking your mind to be rid of all but him, full of him, only him.

"Look what you do to me. You. Only you. I need you. Always. I know I'm not good enough, I know, but ..."

His hands find their way to your ass, lifting you gently, and you wrap your thighs around him, although there's no need, not when he moves you just a few feet until he's sitting on your mat, laying you gently on it. When he moves his hands, he takes your loincloth with him, and you whine softly at the sudden cool breeze that hits your aching, sopping core.

"...Let me show you how sorry I am."

When he lays down with his head between your thighs, you know he's forgiven already, because whatever he's about to do is always more than enough to make up for all the shit he didn't do, because the stuff he knows how to do is enough to excuse world calamities and mass destruction in your mind.

Just when I get on a new wave Boy, you look at me and I slip outta my lace They keep calling me a head-case 'Cause I can't make a good case why we can't change

"You're out of your mind, tiyawn."

"Well, if I'm out of my mind, then you made me out of my mind, you skxawng."

"Can we talk about this somewhere more private?"

You have to admit, starting the fight at the communal dinner in front of his parents, the leaders of the clan, and your friends, and everyone you knew, was probably a bit gauche and uncouth, but you think it was just more than anything a perfect testimony of how this man drove you to the brink of insanity in a way no one else could.

"Fine, but I swear to Eywa that if you -"

"A-ah, fuck!"

Propped with your hands on his shoulders, his fingers around your throat, you were bouncing up and down his cock, trying to ignore how you could be caught at any point, how close you were to the communal fire, barely covered by some shrubbery, how fear was fuel for your desire as his tip kept slamming into your cervix so hard you felt it in your ribcage when he rutted upwards into you.

"Quiet, tiyawn. You don't want people to hear us, now do you?"

A glint of mischief flashed across his eyes, smirk to match, as he brought the hand he had gripped on your hips to help him move you on his length forward, circling your clit masterfully and you whimper again, eliciting a small laugh from him.

"Or maybe you like that? 'That turn you on, huh? My dirty girl."

The sound of skin slapping against skin was so strident you'd be surprised if someone wouldn't come just to see if they can catch the end tail of a rousing performance people couldn't help but clap for, but to be honest with yourself, you didn't care. It was known in the village - your mad, intense, mercurial, quixotic relationship with Neteyam. You were both crazy - for each other, and in general, it seemed, because you fought, fled and fucked more often than truly anyone could keep with with.

"God, I love watching you take my cock. You're such a good girl, and you always take me so well, tiyawn. So well."

You said nothing as the rush of all the sensations trying you quickly became overwhelming, as the heady combination of being chocked by a man who knew how to use it to your advantage helped heighten his ministrations on your clit, his wild and intemperate thrusts that stretched you and filled like you craved, like only he could, and you come, whining and sobbing, nails digging painfully in his skin. He follows suit, his own groans unable to be kept hidden, and he releases his hand from around your neck and brings it back to the nape of your neck, willing you softly in his chest, where, although full of cobwebs and a little dusty, would always be your home.

"Shh, that's right. Did so well for me, tiyawn. My perfect girl." A kiss on your temple, soft and intimate, and the constant shower of unbridled praise, that you lived to see come out of his beautiful mouth as he filled you up with his cock, reminded you why you stayed and came back, over and over. Because it was worth it. And he was worth it.

"I'm still fucking mad at you."

I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it Self-destruct, show up like an idiot Why, oh why does God keep bringing me Back to you?

"We are never getting back together. Like ever." you say in between sips of fermented yovo juice, that always goes to your head way too quickly, that always makes a mess out of your tongue and a slur of your words.

"I want to believe you, friend...I really do, but... you've said that one too many times. You're the girl that cried Palulukan. Nobody's coming to rescue you now, sister."

"N-no..." the hiccup was violent enough to make you throw up in your mouth and you groaned, the headache caused by the startled yelp digging in your temples. “I me-mean it this t-time. It’s o-over.” You were stomping your feet in determination, eager to prove that you would once and for all be rid of the man that was nowhere to be found for the village celebration that he’s known about for months.

“Lo-Lo’ak! Hey Lo’ak!” The sighting of Neteyam’s nicer, more amiable, sociable younger brother was a one for sore eyes, as it proved that it wasn’t family duty keeping your boyfriend… ex-boyfriend… away, it was his own maddening stubbornness and selfishness doing it instead.

“Neteyam’s training… I’m sorry. We told him to come, but he… gets in like a weird trance whenever he’s on the grounds, I swear it’s like something out of an Earth zombie movie.”

You didn’t know what he was talking about and he didn’t elaborate before he took off, leaving you leaning against a tree with only your tiny friend as a barrier between your face and the cold, hard, ground.

“Argh, who cares?! It’s be-better he’s gone, he’s a k-killjoy anyway and i for one a-am happy to be rid of-“

“Neteyam!” Tuk’s screams close to deafen you and the sound was the last push your body needed to lunge itself forward and hurl the contents of your stomach onto the mossy ground that was now more yellow than it had ever been green.

“Oh, mighty and all-powerful Eywa.”

“Hi, Syulen. I got it, thanks.”

“Take her home, Neteyam. And don’t get any funny ideas.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Come, tiyawn.”

You wanted to protest, but the bile in your mouth was bitter and burning, and so you didn’t, not as he picked you up as gently as if you were a precious flower he didn’t want to wilt, not when he pressed a kiss on your temple as his arm found the back of your knees for added support, not as he carried you home silently, outside of the soft-spoken coos of affection and apologies, while you mumbled unattractively in his chest.

“I hate y-you.”

"I know."

"You're the wo-worst."

"I know."

As you reached your tent, you were greeted by soft trills and purrs that sobered you immediately, that made you jump from his arms and onto the ground, where a small pup lay. It was cautious as you approached, but eventually relaxed around you and let you kneel beside it. It has an ugly gash across its back, that looked like it had been tended to. It was a Palulukan pup, and the thought made fevered chills run down your spine.

"Neteyam, wha-"

"I found him coming back from practice. He was hurt and limping, and clinging to his mother's corpse. I took him home and have been helping my grandmother tend to him ever since. That's why I'm late."

“I know you’ve been lonely since your parents died. Well, he seemed lonely too. His parents are gone, and so I thought… you could be his new home. And I could be yours. I’m done running away, tiyawn. From now on, I only want to run towards things. Towards you. I’m yours. You own me. For good, this time. If you still want me.”

You smile a sheepish smile, looking up at him through your lashes while you pet the new priceless addition to your small family. You really were the girl that cried Palulukan.

“If I say no, will you take him away?”

He winced a little, a grimace marring his beautiful features.

“Of course not.”

“If I say yes, can we all be a family?”

The grimace dissolved as quickly as it appeared and a dazzling, gummy smile replaced it, one that dizzied you in its utter and undeniable beauty, one that you couldn’t help replicate, not when kneeled in front of you and took your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs, his own face mere inches from yours.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

taglist: @fanboyluvr @yagirlheree @teyamsbitch

[krotosis]

alice, ever since i’ve held witness to nothingness, i can’t see life the same way anymore.

thinking seems to have split from it’s roots and now only revolves around pattern-seeking and contrast theories. resilience is honestly my only redeemable trait, but that can easily convert to stubbornness, so whos to say? sin tends to line every choice of mine, its fucking disgusting. you’d think i would’ve learnt my lesson by now. gross sickly slimy incapable child

when i was little, my step-dad would often shoot birds. he’d aim for families, try to take them out in one shot. i’d cry but it didn’t deter him. another dwindling bit of irony, i managed to cry for birds but not for his victims. i was a child, its fine, whatever. it’s honestly stupefying the fact he bought an illegally imported weapon just to fucking kill birds, what a cunt

but it’s fine, it’s all fine.

because nothingness is bliss.

in the mildest way my mind could process the ‘experience’, it was the kindest thing to ever happen and simultaneously not happen to me. it was beautiful, the way my mind remembers something that never occurred is so beautiful. it’s calming, it’s grounding, because it’s true, it’s real. i’d be blessed to stay that way, even if my sore rotting mind becomes incapable of remembering.

i can only wish for similar fates for everyone i care about. Alice, you don’t UNDERSTAND how fucking amazing it is. It’s so fucking beautiful I cant put it into words, and I never tried to, not in-person anyway.

people like my step-father are exactly reasons why nothingness is gorgeous. his actions exist as one, the man who happily made us breakfast in the morning, the first man child me dared to trust after EVERYTHING that happened and then simultaneously being a creepy stalker, abusive murderer if not months later. I knew he was bad, but not that bad, violence is just a part of life, can i really ..?????????? i dont know. i will never justify him. i didn’t care when it was just violence because it bred money and money was what we needed the most

my cat came back today! i wasn’t sure if he was hurt after the recent snow. i was going to go out looking for him, i dont even know what to comment about that. OBVIOUSLY i was gonna look for him but also,, not so obviously you know? maybe i was just telling myself i would do it and then never do? i waited 2 days with barely an afterthought so? how can i be sure that makes me a redeemable person? maybe i was just lying? how should i know т_т i need something to make me feel feelings that are more exact, precise, maybe then ill feel like i used to again

i replayed the arcana today! i nearly cried at the nostalgia, fictional worlds are so picturesque, why is real life so dull and bitter +_+ but i have to keep going !! its the gift !! some gift !! that i will never fully understand!!!!!!! but im meant to keep going anyway !!

relationships in media are so bitter. perfect friendships, lost and found and family and trust, things irl always work out but they never *work out*. theres never some adventure, just grisly grappling with your circumstances; you come out of it “okay, i guess” and that’s the best story you’ll have for decades. the fact theres no after to an end, just continuous days and days and days with days and days and days worth of issues is paralysing. it just doesn’t stop

i wish i could stop time. the closest thing i’d have to that nothingness. if i could, i’d just sleep, finally sleep GOOD sleep for the first time. i want to wake up feeling refreshed, i want to sleep feeling safe, knowing everything is still around me. time doesn’t pass, im free of its constraints. no what where when, sun rising night falling, next day 3am 4am 7, just me and me. nothing but me and warmth of my bed. my whole family is safe, they are safe because everything is incapable of being otherwise. even if being actively attacked, that victim is left to linger in never-fleeting moments, peace and solidity for once. time is cruel, but i don’t want to bore you with overused metaphors so i’m sure you can interpret it yourself.

so pessimistic today

your regretful childhood friend,

they miss you

[stagemanagerssaygo]

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney’s Hyperion Theater

by Cooper Howell

Heaven and Hell: or my experience being a person of color in Disney's Hyperion Theater. #holdingtheateraccountable Im just gonna go ahead and be straight up. This is pretty scary to share. HEAVEN: Once upon a time Liesl Tommy cast me as Prince Hans in Frozen: Live at the Hyperion. And I was gooped. GOOPED. There was nothing in my prior history that gave any indication this was possible. Up until then every role I played had to do with my race. Every. Single. One. And even ones where it didn’t (Shakespeare or classical pieces mostly) I was always made aware that the novelty of me being a poc in that role that gave me the part. So much did I not expect to get this part that when I got the callback I rolled my eyes and didn’t take the actual callback seriously. I mean, there was a zero percent chance that Disney would ever let me play a Prince, especially when the dude in the movie is a ginger. But then I got it. And immediately everything I thought was possible about my career changed. My whole life I’ve never inwardly felt black. I’ve never inwardly felt white. I’ve always felt like I was Cooper, you know, on the inside. But whether it was every single white human in Utah reminding me that I was “the whitest person they ever knew/saw” (which DIDNT mean how white my skin was. It was how white I ACTED) or Mr. Johnson, my 7th grade drama teacher, telling me that he “wanted to put Velcro on the ceiling to see if I’d stick” or Mr. Smith, my high school drama teacher, saying “finally we can do black shows” as soon as I entered high school and then not casting me in roles because of the "optics" of it, or even my best friend in high school Tanner Harmon who called me "blackie", I was always reminded that I was an other. So imagine getting paid good money to put on that $10,000 costume and waltzing out to 4000 people a day to play a really amazing part. A fantastic, evil, complicated, person who sings a killer duet and then grabs the show by the throat with a vicious about-face monologue... and not once was my race ever mentioned cuz it didnt matter. What was being prized was Cooper, my talent, not my skin color that I never asked for. Heaven. Liesl MADE SURE, almost overly sure, that the poc’s in the cast felt equal. The kingdom of Arendelle, after all, is a make believe place. It can be whatever. From having Disney executives come and tell us that they were happy to have us there, to side conversations with John Lasseter, we were made to feel overly welcome playing the parts we were playing. She encouraged us to dive deeper into the script of a cartoon that I didnt really think much of until I was in it. We were encouraged to ask why. We felt seen as talent and not commodities. There were, of course, detractors. Gosh, I remember people at a party of cast members from "Mickey and the Magical Map" another show at Disneyland which features a princess and the frog number and many of those casts mates angrily claiming that “if that black girl Tiana Okoye can play Elsa than I should be able to play Princess Tiana” and then looking at me to confirm that was okay to say, not realizing that a) she’s one of my best friends, b) that I’m in the show with her also playing a role that wasn't created to be a poc, c) how racist that sounded, and d) why there's a difference there and why that wouldn't make sense. On Liesls final night I came up to her and said “I don’t know why you did it but thank you so much for casting ME in this part” to which she replied “you mean why would I cast a handsome, talented person in this role?” And I stuttered something like “well, I mean, I’m black. You know...” to which she tilted her head to her side and said “no. I don’t know why. Tell me why that matters.” And I had no answer. Seeing that I had no answer she smiled. That was the answer. There was no reason. On the spot my outlook about myself changed. Windows into what I thought was possible for me opened. -------------------------------------- HELL: And then Liesl went back to NYC and she was replaced by a man named Roger Castellano as show director. Rogers task, he told us on the first day, was to "change the show". We were not told what needed to be changed or even why, but that changes were on the horizon. You've got to understand: to a full cast of actors who had just spent more than three months dissecting a 60 page Disney script with a Tony nominated director like it was Shakespeare, we were initially emotionally/mentally/spiritually resistant to changes. But then it became clear that the spirit of collaboration was over, and the show changes were to be given without the same care, consideration, and thematic explanation of why they were being made. Everyones initial reaction was to push back, but when people who questioned their notes or their changes started getting days removed their schedule or being replaced entirely by a new actor, the Hyperion theater became a place where no one was allowed to speak out. Injustices were happening left and right and no one felt they could do anything for fear of losing their livelihood. And that's when the Frozen: Live at the Hyperion became a living hell. In my first note session with Roger he pulled me into a room with Domonique Paton, my best friend and incredible costar who played princess Anna in the show I was in. She just so happens to also be black. Almost all of Prince Hans’s scenes in the show are with her character and so most of my notes would be primarily based on those interactions with her. Earlier in the day I performed with a different (white) actress but it was the show with Domonique that I had a note session about. Imagine my surprise and dismay when, with how Liesl set up the show experience, we were told this: “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER ITS TOO… URBAN.” Urban. What else could that have meant, do you think? He could have said maybe “too contemporary” emphasizing that we were maybe too modern in our speech patterns or movements. We weren’t. He could have said “too lax” or “too loose” meaning that maybe we were being unprofessional and goofy up there because we’re really good friends. We were not. The best me and Ms. Paton could think of was a 8 count moment of improv dance that me and Domonique decided to use as a synchronized moment of unity. It happened to fall on the line “our mental synchronization can have but one explanation” and thought, with the freedom that Christopher (the original choreographer) had given us, was appropriate, especially considering everyone behind us was doing the robot. As in the 80s robot. But he didnt clarify. He just said “WHEN THE TWO OF YOU PERFORM THE SHOW TOGETHER IT’S TOO… URBAN” And when asked what he meant he smiled with a little shrug and said "you can figure that out. You're smart." And thats how I became Black Hans and Domonique became Black Anna. My every moment onstage afterwards became about the optics of being a poc in that show. It was if I was suddenly made aware that I was LUCKY enough to be there and under any normal circumstances, or this new directors circumstances, me getting this part would have never happened. But the message was clear. It was especially clear when me and Domonique Paton shows together durastically decreased and made even more clear when the vast majority of the new hires were not people of color. But no one said anything. And made even MORE clear when, over the next few weeks, both Domonique and I got COPIOUS notes, ten times that of our coworkers that played the same parts. It was almost a game. In fact we did turn it into a game, seeing who would get the least amount of notes from him in a day. Our costars would even joke about it onstage with us, during the ballroom scene, and jokingly whisper "The shows been up 15 minutes. How many do you think you got today?" But no one said anything. And the notes were about all kinds of things. How we held our hand. If our inflections went up or down on a word. Which side of a couch we leaned on… which was fine! When you're an actor, thats the gig... until we started comparing our notes with the actors that played our same parts and none of them, NONE, would get the same notes. Our notes would be outrageously longer, the note sessions sometimes lasting 10/15 minutes. Others would get the “Oh hey, try doing this or that next time, okay bye” walk-by notes. Sometimes I would sneak into the audience and watch as some of the other Han's, some of whom changed lines, changed entire intentions of scenes, some of whom adding in all types of vocalizations and cackles and dance moves and what have you, and would receive ZERO notes. But I was watching them to see what was wrong with me. What was my performance missing? What am I actually doing to feel this singled out. And then I realized that the thing that was wrong with me was that I was a different color than the 5 other white Hans's they cast. And then I started getting notes about my penis. Most of the time these “penis sessions”, as I called them, were given in private rooms without another stage manager present. It was incredibly unpleasant and unprofessional. In fairness, those Prince Hans pants are TIGHT! And yes, Mr. Howell is indeed a party in the front and a party in the back, but so were a lot of those fellas. And thats where I put my foot down. If Disney was going to provide me with a costume it is not my responsibility to fix their problem, especially when other of my (white) costars had been given a dance belt for the same thing. But they never got penis notes. Private session notes about what their penis looked like in that show. Over and over again I was told to fix it, to not make it (my dick) so apparent, and that “if my daughter were younger I wouldn’t want her to come to a show you were performing at" all the more insulting considering his daughter, a cast member in the show, was a friend of mine and the loveliest person. He started demanding that I buy a dance belt. It was “my fault”, “my responsibility” …and thats where I took my stand. And then it really became hell. Penis sessions were now done out in the open. Once, he screamed at me, in the green room in front of all of my costars during lunch, about how incredible unprofessional I was, about how he was tired of seeing my dick, and that if I didnt go buy myself one I didnt deserve to be there anymore. Followed by a huge litany of notes. That doesnt compare to some of what Domonique went through and I invite her to share them if she’s willing. During this time I went to every stage manager in the building and told them about being singling out and about my penis. They all told me to write a complaint report and it would go to some place called "HR". Which I did. Numerously. More months passed. Nothing from "HR". Multiple cast members who witnessed my note sessions encouraged me to go to the HR themselves. I didnt honestly know what an HR was. As soon as it was explained to me by my allies even what an HR was I went to the head of HR at Disneyland herself and waited outside of her door. I asked her if she got any of my HR reports and she told me that she had received no HR reports from the Hyperion. Ever. And then asked me to fill out a HR form. As we went over it, she asked me some questions, and then set up a second meeting. On the second meeting she said that in order for my report to be given credence I would need witnesses to give their testimony. The witnesses, in fact the very people that told me to go to HR in the first place, said no. They didnt want to lose their jobs. In retrospect that might be the thing that hurt the most but, whatever... anyway, I was told "“well… without testimonies we’ll do an investigation and we’ll call you when we’ve completed it.” I never received a phone call. With absolutely zero protection from the stage managers from both the sexual harassment or my obvious racial targeting I (and others) were experiencing, not to mention that HR reports were doing nothing, aka not being forwarded, I thought about quitting. And when a white stage manager made a show mistake and laughed it off to the cast by saying an entirely offensive lynching joke, I quit. I didnt matter to Disney. How I felt and what I was being put through didnt matter. I was a commodity. My departure was unceremonious. Bizarre. 100% un-magical. I hung up my costume one last time and it was given to a new Hans, one who looked very much like me oddly, and stepped out of the theater. The park was playing “every wish your heart desires will come to you” and I remember laughing at how dead that song felt. The director has since moved on but still works as a musical theater director in Southern California. This one time 4 years ago I got to feel something other than my color for the first and only time in my professional career. It lasted from about March 2016 to July 2016 and never again since. I will never forget in those early days looking at all the beautiful princesses I got to woo and thinking “wow. I’m a prince right now.” Im sure that sounds stupid. But it didn't feel stupid. And a Disney prince! Yeah, a shitty prince kinda... I mean, he's a sociopath... BUT still a Prince! Especially special was being able to look in Dominique’s eyes and I could see the same glimmer of “can you believe we get to do this right now” reflected back. We never knew it was in the cards for us. My race always has and will always be part of my career equation and a determining factor of its projection. It will always be a determining factor in how im treated, by creatives, by people, by the those in authority over me, including the government and the police. #wasitmyskin

Copied in its entirety here from Cooper Howell’s public Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10163696376095054&set=a.10151302685610054&type=3&theater

[asthmark]

❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn

synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”

word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)

sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.

it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.

for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.

what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.

there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.

at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.

@lucas_xx444: should have never left you

in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.

you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.

[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty

[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!

[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol

[10:50 am] lia: YUNA

[10:50 am] lia: NO

[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse

[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone

[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened

[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!

[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that

[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down

[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)

[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time

[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this

[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/

[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT

[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere

[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that

[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled

[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(

[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right

[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?

before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.

you were stuck inside.

you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.

you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.

you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.

“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”

after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.

jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”

you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”

his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”

you smile and nod. “no problem.”

jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.

   2.    he can cook better than you.

most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.

you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.

you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.

“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.

you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.

he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  

“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”

he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”

you nod.

“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”

“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”

he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”

he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”

“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.

he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”

you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”

“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”

you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”

he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”

   3.    he’s allergic to cats.

the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  

“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”

the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.

he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.

“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.

this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.

you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”

both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.

“come in!” you call out.  

jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.

“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”

“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”

jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”

“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”

“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”

your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”

”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”

seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    

“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.

you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”

“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”

in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.

jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.

“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”

“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.

you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.

after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.

“looks like he likes it now.”

“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.

“tissue?” you offer.

he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”

“allergies?” you echo.

“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”

your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”

“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.

“wow. you must really love him.”

“so much.”

“he’s lucky to have you.”

“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”

you snort. “i guess it does.”

   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.

“i have officially cooked everything we have.”

“i can order some takeout, if you want?”

he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”

you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”

he sits up. “did it work?”

you nod and pinch his cheek.

he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”

“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”

he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”

“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.

he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”

the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”

“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  

once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.

“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.

you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”

without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.

being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”

you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”

jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.

despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.

“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”

“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”

you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  

“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”

jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”

she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”

you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”

jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”

the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”

jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.

   5.    he works out.

why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?

you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.

you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.

“jeno!” you yell.

silence; other than the sound of the water running.

“lee jeno!”

the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”

you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”

the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.

it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  

but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.

in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.

you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.

before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.

your friends.

your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).

your roommate.

you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.

the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.

his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.

“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”

he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”

“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”

he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”

you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”

“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”

you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”

his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”

you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”

“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”

you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”

“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”

   6.    you can’t say no to him.

jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.

you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”

he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”

you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”

“y/n, this is serious!”

“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”

“i already told you! i’m a bum!”

“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”

“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.

you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”

“i want to cut it,” he announces.

“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”

he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”

“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”

he pouts. “please?”

you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”

“i want you.”

the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.

“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”

“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”

you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.

“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”

not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.

“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.

you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”

he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  

“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.

you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.

you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.

not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.

“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”

you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”

he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”

you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“

he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.

   7.    he has six best friends.

“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.

you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”

he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”

you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.

“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.

he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”

you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”

“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”

“alright, grandpa.”

you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.

“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.

“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.

“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”

he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.

“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”

they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.

mark me in ur heart

hyuckie~~~

moomin enthusiast

nananananana

chnele

lil huddy

“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”

‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.

the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”

jeno simply nods in response.

he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”

donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”

you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.

“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”

jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 

you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.

“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.

you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”

the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”

‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”

“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”

”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.

“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”

“it’s well deserved.”

“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”

“and ours, for that matter.”

“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”

“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”

“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”

jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”

once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.

“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”

“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“

“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.

“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”

jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”

you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”

“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”

you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”

renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”

“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“

“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.

you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”

“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.

   8.    he‘s a great listener.

jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.

“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”

“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”

“and?”

“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“

“so is iron man!”

“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”

“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”

“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”

“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”

“sweetheart?”

you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.

“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”

you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”

he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”

“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.

as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”

“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”

he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”

the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”

you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.

“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”

you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.

you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  

“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”

he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”

“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”

jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”

you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”

your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”

“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”

jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”

you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”

jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”

when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  

   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.

you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  

you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.

with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.

you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.

   10.    he has feelings for you.

jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.

it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.

“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”

“thanks.”

you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”

you shake your head.

“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”

“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”

“o-oh.”

“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”

you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”

you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”

he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”

you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

ahh im obsessed with the summer prompts. Can I request Lifeguard Tom with prompt 36 please? preferably fluffy ending but its all up to you thanks!

This became very long sorry bestie. I hope you still enjoy it tho! Love you so much, thank you for the request love!

Reminder to everyone else that the Summer of Love is still going on and I'll be accepting requests for it until September 22nd! You can find the prompt list here!

Let’s Give It a Shot

36 - It’s the last day of summer, and your last day together

Pairing: Lifeguard! Tom x Reader

Summary: Tom shows you exactly why you love him so much

Warnings: angst, crying, fighting

Masterlist

Summer of Love

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Tom peaked at the bed as he pulled his shirt over his head, a smile came over his face at the sight.

“Good morning angel,” he cooed, “Like what you see?”

“I liked it better when you had your shirt off,” she teased, her voice still raspy and tired, “Remind me why we agreed to work today?”

“It’s only till noon,” he reminded as he bent to kiss her. He laughed as she attempted to pull him into bed, “I’ve got to get going, swim class starts at 7.”

She rolled onto her back and groaned, “Who the fuck takes their kids to swim class at 7?”

“Their toddlers angel, most of them have been up since 5,” he pecked her lips one final time before standing up, “I’ll see you at 8?”

She hummed, nodding once before she closed her eyes again, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” he watched her settle back into bed before leaving, closing the bedroom door as quietly as he could behind him.

｡��:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Bye bye,” Tom waved to the kids as they padded through the lobby.

“We’ll see you all Thursday,” Harrison added.

“Well I really appreciate it,” Tom smiled in response, falling into the spinning chair that she usually sat in, “Seriously, I owe you.”

The kids filed out, being ushered away by their parents while the boys hung around the front desk.

“I can’t believe I agreed to take you shift,” Harrison yawned, stretching his arms above his head, “You’re such a dick.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m the best,” he glanced towards the door, just in time to spot (y/n), “Oh shit, fun’s over Tom, time to get back to work.”

“Ha ha,” she rolled her eyes, “What are you two doing at my desk huh?”

“You’re desk?” Tom smirked, “This is my desk today angel.”

“Oh and I suppose you want me to save the drowning children?”

“No,” he stood and grabbed her by the waist, “Haz is going to watch the pool today and I’m going to help you up front.”

She raised a brow and turned to Harrison, “Really?”

He nodded, “Course sweetheart, happy to give you a little extra time together.”

“Aw, thank you Haz,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“You’re welcome,” he gave her a squeeze before dropping her, “Alright, I’ve got to go clean up, you two just make sure everything is done. I don’t want to get in trouble because you two were making out instead of working.”

“We will, don’t worry,” she laughed, “Thank you guys, I couldn’t have dreamed up a better last day.”

“You’re welcome,” Tom hummed, pressing his lips to hers as she tried to reach for the computer behind him, “We could do this everyday if you stayed, I could switch to the front.”

“Tom you know I can’t,” she sighed, “I don’t think we should be having this discussion at work either, it’s just gonna make us both emotional.”

“You’re leaving tomorrow morning so I’m gonna be emotional no matter what,” he sighed, “You never want to talk about this.”

“Because I don’t like thinking about leaving. I don’t like the idea of being far away anymore than you do.”

“Then don’t leave,” he grabbed her hands, preventing her from getting to her job, “Just stay here. You can move in with us, Haz adores you, he won’t mind.”

“Tom I can’t. I have to go back to school, and right now I have to open, so can we please save this for later?”

He sighed and nodded, “Yeah, yeah, we can talk about it later.”

“Thank you,” she kissed his cheek before pushing across the floor.

He laughed as the chair spun away from her, “I don’t know how you expect me to help from all the way over here.”

“I expect you to go make sure the bathrooms are stocked,” she flashed him a cheeky smile while she popped open the register, “And I’m gonna count the cash.”

He sighed and dragged his feet towards the closet, “Fine, fine, I wouldn’t do it for anyone else though.”

The day continued as normal, despite Tom’s best attempts to distract (y/n) from work. Tom had surprised her by doing most of the work throughout the day, insisting she simply sit and handle the register. It was a nice change, normally when Tom hung out in the front it was just to steal drinks and tease. Tom busted through all of her tasks, seeming impossibly determined to get them home as soon as possible. He’d managed to do it too, Harry arrived at exactly noon and he’d rushed (y/n) right out the door.

“Hurry,” Tom shook her shoulders while she gathered her things.

“I am, I am, sheesh,” she shoved her phone into her purse and stood, “What’s the big rush?”

“I’ve just got a lot planned for today,” he beamed at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “Now come on, our first stop is this way.”

“Our first stop?” she knit her brow as he led her towards the pool, “Wait why are we going to the pool?”

“Because it’s our first stop,” he repeated, stopping just outside the doors, “See that?” he pointed to one of the lifeguard’s chairs.

She nodded, trying to imagine where he might be taking the conversation, “I do see the chair Tom.”

“It’s the most important chair in the world,” he kissed the top of her head with a smile, “Because I was sitting in that chair the first time I saw you.”

She flushed, biting her cheek to try and fight off her smile, “Stop.”

“I remember it exactly. You walked out of there and I just couldn’t take my eyes off you, you wouldn’t believe how disappointed I was when they said you were gonna be up front.”

“I thought you were pretty cute too.”

He laughed, “Thank God you did.”

“Did you bring me out here just for that?” she raised a brow, “You’re not trying to throw me into the pool?”

He shook his head, “No, just wanted to be a little sappy. Now I’m gonna take you on that date and be even sappier.”

“Lucky me,” she chuckled, “So, where are you taking me now?”

“Minx,” he smirked, “Alright darling, just get ready for the best date of your life.”

“Back home, I can’t parade around the town dressed like this,” he motioned to his swim trunks with a smile, “As much as you might like that.”

“I’d rather save that for tonight,” she teased back, “When I’ve got you all to myself.”

Tom took her home, refusing to reveal even the tiniest detail about their date as they both got ready. He claimed it would be long, that’d they’d be out until that night, but refused to give her any more details. He even went as far as to try and blindfold her when they got in the car, but he quickly dropped it when she refused. She expected he’d be taking her somewhere new or out of town because of this, she was completely in shock when he just drove her to a sandwich shop just up the street from the pool.

“Seriously? We eat here like everyday,” she rolled her eyes, “This cannot be it Tom.”

“It’s not,” he laughed, “Obviously I’ve got something more than this planned. I just thought we could stop here.”

“Why?”

“Because, if you remember,” he began to explain, a smile overtaking his features, “You stayed late to help me clean the pool and I took you to lunch as thanks. It was like our first half date.”

“Half date?” she laughed, “That is not a thing Tom.”

“Yes it is, it was the first time we hung out outside of work together, and it’s when I asked you out, it’s a half date.”

“Those are very specific circumstances that define a half date,” she pursed her lips, fighting her urge to smile.

“Whatever, the point is, this place is special because it reminds me of you,” he leaned over the middle console to press a kiss to her cheek, “And I just wanted to tell you that before we got to the real date.”

“Aw,” she cooed at him, “Don’t tell me it’s going to get even sappier than this.”

“Oh angel, just you wait, it’s only getting worse and worse from here.”

She watched out the windows as Tom drove her across town to another restaurant, though this time she knew exactly why he’d brought her there.

“Tom,” she bit her lip as she spoke, “This is incredibly cute.”

“Ah not here angel,” he grabbed her hands as she tried to open the door, “Just being sappy again. Remember what happened here?”

“Our first date, how could I ever forget that?” she smiled as she reminisced on the happy memories, “We got all dressed up and you brought me flowers. Then we talked until they closed, and we still couldn’t get enough of each other so you drove me up to that cliff side and talked all night.”

“No, no, it was nothing like that,” he rolled his eyes, “I picked you up and you looked so fucking gouregous I could barely speak. Then I took you to this restaurant and I tried so desperately and to seem interesting enough to keep your attention. For some reason you put up with me, and we talked and talked and talked. I thought you’d want to go home at the end of the night but you still weren’t sick of me so we drove up to that little lookout point and I fell madly and deeply in love with you while we talked the night away.”

“You did not fall in love with you on our first date,” she rolled her eyes, “You’re just trying to make me emotional.”

“I fell in love with you the first time I laid my eyes on you, it just took me a little while to realize it.”

She sighed, letting her head fall onto his shoulder, “I fell in love with you the first time we kissed. I’ve never felt like that with anyone else.”

“Mine was cuter,” Tom hummed as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Oh whatever,” she rolled her eyes, “Alright, are we going to the real date now?”

“You’ll see, you’ll see,” he shushed her, driving just a few parking lots over to the local bowling alley, “Remember here?”

“Another one?” she sighed, “Alright, you took me here to introduce me to your brothers. I found out that I majorly suck at bowling that night.”

“Yeah you do,” he laughed, “But my brothers adore you, they treat you like a sister and it totally melts my heart.”

“Yeah, I think they’re cool too,” she chuckled, “So, is there an actual date or are you just taking me on a victory lap of the city?”

“There is a date, at the end of the victory lap,” he admitted, “There’s just a couple more things I want you to see first.”

“You’ll see, just give it a second,” he hummed.

Tom drove her all over the city, stopping anywhere with even the tiniest amount of significance. He took her to the club where they’d spent Harrison’s birthday, the fairgrounds where they spent way too much money on rigged games, even the local park, where her and Harry had gotten way too competitive with a game of frisbee golf. He took her to more sentimental spots too, like where they’d had their first kiss, the hill where they’d fallen asleep watching a meteor shower, the place where they’d first said I love you, where they’d had their first time. It was like a montage of their greatest hits, that had her falling in love with Tom, and the city, all over again. She was almost in tears when Tom finally declared that the tour was over, and it was really time for their date.

“Okay, where are we really going then?” she pressed, her eyes glued to the window for any clues, ��I mean we’ve pretty much been everywhere already…”

“Looks like we’re heading to your place, or work,” she knit her brow.

“Does it?”

“Does it?” she mocked, “We have to get out of this car soon or I’m gonna pee myself.”

“Well,” he flicked his blinker on and turned into the pool parking lot, “Good thing we’re here.”

“Tom I swear to god I-”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he laughed, “But you can run inside real quick and use the restroom before we go.”

“They’re closed.”

“I have my keys,” he flicked off the car, grinning as he waved for her to follow, “Hurry up angel.”

She followed him inside, suspicious that he had some kind of ulterior motive, “We are not fooling around in there Tom.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” he hummed as he opened the front door, “Go on, take care of your business.”

“Thanks,” she scampered off to the bathroom, only to find Tom was missing when she returned, “Tom?” she peaked around the lobby but found nothing. She got no response when she knocked on the men's locker room door, and the employee lobby was empty. “Tom?” she called again, peeking at her phone for any hints, “Come on,” she sighed and headed for the pool.

“Surprise!”

Out jumped everyone she’d spent the summer with, Tom, Harrison, his brothers, everyone they’d worked with at the pool, all the friends she’s made across town. The pool was all lit up, lined with tables full of food and drinks. (y/n) was in shock, her jaw hung open as she took it all in.

“So,” Tom’s arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed a kiss to her cheek, “What do you think?”

“This is amazing,” she squeezed his hands, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” he kissed her cheek again before stepping away, “We all wanted to make your last night really special.”

“It’s perfect,” she confirmed, “Seriously, I couldn’t imagine anything better than this.”

“Glad to hear it love,” Harrison wrapped his arm around her shoulders for a quick hug, “Come on though, you’ve got lots of people to say goodbye too.”

She was led around to say hi to everyone, progressively becoming more and more emotional as the night went on. Tom stuck right to her side, doing his best to comfort her as the night went on. It was nice, she appreciated the gesture and everyone being there, but the realization that this was her goodbye just kept creeping back up. Tom could tell she was drained by the end of the night, obviously ready to just curl up in bed.

“Angel, are you ready to go home?” he hummed.

“No, no, I’m okay,” she insisted, “We should stay and help clean up.”

“You can’t clean up your own party,” Harry rolled his eyes, “We’ll stay back and clean it up. If you’re ready to go you and Tom can head out.”

“Are you guys sure?” she wrung her hands nervously, “We can stay and help.”

Sam nodded, “Yeah, it’s not very much anyway, we’ve got this.”

“Thanks guys,” Tom squeezed her side, “Let’s get you home then yeah?”

She nodded, “Thanks guys.”

She moved to give each of them a hug, mumbling a quick goodbye, hoping to escape to the car as quickly as possible. Harry seemed to have other ideas in mind though.

“I love you,” he squeezed her tight.

“Aw, I love you too,” she chuckled.

“I’m gonna miss you so much sis,” he patted her back as she pulled away.

She forced a smile as she stepped away, waving to them while her and Tom slipped away.

“Are you alright?” Tom squeezed her waist.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she insisted as she climbed into the passenger seat, “I just wanna go home.”

“Alright, we’ll go.”

“He called me sis.”

“What?”

“Harry called me sis.”

Tom chuckled, “Well yeah, I told you earlier, they think of you like a sister.”

“But it’s different when he says it,” she sniffled, her facade finally crumbling, “I don’t wanna go Tom.”

He moved to her side as quick as he could and pulled her into him, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to angel. If you want to stay you can, Haz and I would be more than happy to have you.”

“But I can’t! I can’t just ditch everything for a summer fling! I have to go back to school and my family and I have to go home! But I don’t want to go back there! I want this to be home, I don’t want to leave!”

Tom took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head before scooting back to his seat, “I know we went a lot of places today angel, but I’ve got one more thing to show you alright?”

“No I don’t wanna go fucking see anything else Tom! I just want to go home…”

“We will, I just want to show you one thing angel, it’ll make you feel better,” he promised, slipping a hand over hers, “It’ll be quick.”

“Okay…”

She was quiet the rest of the short drive, he’d taken her to a small cafe, they’d only been there once before.

“Come on angel,” he waved for her to follow him.

“Why would you bring me here?” she scoffed.

“Just come on,” he insisted, smiling as she slammed the door behind her, “Come sit with me,” he patted his lap.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms before falling into his lap, “Why are we here?”

“Do you remember what happened here?” he hummed.

She nodded, “Yeah, we had our first fight here, and it seems like you’re trying to have our second too.”

“No, I’m making a point,” he corrected with a smile, “We had our first fight here, and then we never came back here again. But that is not why I brought you here, I brought you here because that fight made me think about us, and the fact that you had to leave at the end of summer. I kept trying to think of ways around it or ways for us to minimize our time apart, but you know what thought never crossed my mind?”

“What?” she sank into her chair.

“That when summer came to an end we would break up, because we aren’t a summer fling. We never were, not even for a second, and the sacrifices we make are not for a summer fling, they’re for a real relationship that both of us treasure. If you really, really don’t want to go then you can stay, and I mean we’ve got a Uni nearby and you’ve always got somewhere to stay here. But if I’m the only reason you don’t want to go then you need to go, and we’ll suffer through the long distance until my lease with Haz is up and then I’ll move to you.”

She shook her head, “It’s not just you, I love this town, and the friends I’ve made here, it’s everything about this place. I just feel like I belong here, and I’ve never felt like that back home.”

“Obviously I’m biased here,” he chuckled, “But you could always just give it a semester out here, transfer back if you hate it, or vice versa. Just remember this long distance thing is going to be temporary no matter what, and even then we’re only a couple hours apart.”

She was silent as she tried to sort out her thoughts, “Yeah, school’s a little cheaper out here too, that’d be nice. A-And I haven't paid for anything yet this year so I’m not really obligated to go…”

“You don’t have to justify anything to me angel, obviously I want you to stay” he kissed her shoulder with a frown, “If you wanna give it a shot then I think you should, but if you don’t, we’re still gonna make this work, because I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled while he wiped her eyes, “Thanks Tommy.”

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Taglist:

@niallberry @namoreno @spideyssunshine @thevery-firstpage @outshineallthestars @roseke @zspideyy @tomsirishgirlx @emistrash @andreagf956 @peachyafshawn @spideyspeaches

[leviiattacks]

hi bestie!! pls pretty pls do a levi one where he takes care of a sick y/n im feeling a bit under the weather and im getting kinda scared bc of covid :<< anything to help calm my nerves pls? thank you <3

author note :: get well soon anon :-( i’m super sick rn too (when am i not tho </3) so i get how it is. this isn’t that great because i wrote it pretty quick but i hope it eases youuu :-) this is just pure fluff and sappy stuff and yup yup MODERN LEVI BC... listen i have a soft spot for modern levi word count :: some how i got to 1.4k ????? idk how i always go over the expected word count i have in my head 

it’s literally been YEARS since the last time you were sick

if you really dig through the depths of your memory you’d say maybe you were last sick when you were seven???

it’s that or your memory is just not great

either way, you really do not want to bother anyone with your sickness so you decide to hole up in your room for the entire day

you don’t even tell levi about it because you know he’ll drop everything for the sake of your comfort

the only problem is that midway through the day you’ve become so bedridden you can’t even begin to fathom attending classes tomorrow

you guess you’ll be taking another day off

as that thought crosses your mind your bedroom door bursts open

“i...” levi lets out a long sigh and you look at him dazed from your pounding headache

you’re surrounded by scrunched up tissues and your cold meds have been left untouched

“i’m gonna get you sick too. back away.” you’re frowning and signalling with your hands that you want him out

your nose is stuffy and you’re sniffling but levi just rolls his eyes before he sits next to you on the floor

buried in your duvet you look a little like a burrito and he laughs at that

“do you know where the thermometer is? i’ll check on your fever.”

he’s looking at you waiting for an answer

you think for a second and then you try to rummage through the timeline of today’s events.

to be fair you’re a little disoriented but for some unknown reason you feel yourself get a little teary eyed

maybe it’s a mix of your upcoming deadlines looming over you or perhaps it’s missing a really important class today

but it’s so sudden you don’t even know why your body is making you act so irrationally but that’s what fevers do

“i think i” you sniff and then the waterworks flood out of you. your brain can’t adjust to the severity of your headache and your urge to sleep is higher than ever

honestly you don’t cry very much so to see the tears worries levi almost immediately

“im sorry i misplaced it.” you croak out, your voice is all scaly and weird, you hate it

stupidly you get upset about that too

don’t people sound hot when they’re sick?? why do you sound like an angry bear...?

this is not fair.

“and i’m stressed.” you blow your nose but it continues to drip despite your constant attempts to stop it

nose bright red and hair disheveled levi’s eyes soften when he sees your workbook laying at the foot of your bed

notes are scribbles in random corners and your mind map is a chaotic mess but you’re trying your best given the circumstances

god, even when you’re sick you’re working hard. you’re ridiculous but in the most endearing way known to man

“alright, lay down.” he runs a hand through your hair to fix the birds nest before he adjusts your pillows and places your head down gently

“i’m sorry i’ve lost the-”

levi’s index finger presses against your lips and he shushes you

“get some rest, please.”

you comply but not before giving him a playful glare

his warm palms move to hold your face. cheeks squished together he swipes your tears away

“i’ve got some soup on the stove you’ll be good in no time.” his soft reassurance is comforting and protective

nodding you flutter your eyes shut.

you’re unable to sleep but levi’s presence is enough to ease you even if it’s just a little you do feel better

fifteen minutes pass and levi returns he’s got you a hot cup of tea and the soup is nowhere to be seen

“i had an accident in the kitchen... so have some tea instead.”

you simply laugh it off, he’s trying his best and you’re alright with not having to be fed tomato soup

tomato soup..... it’s sick and twisted it tastes so bad

you recall having to force yourself to down an entire bowl last christmas after catching a cold

never ever again will you do that

anyways, pea soup superiority it’s the only valid type !!!

levi likes tomato soup though that’s the only reason it sits in bulk in one of the kitchen cabinets

he brushes the mountain of tissues on your bedside table away, he’ll dispose of them later

placing the cup of tea where the aforementioned tissues once were you then realize he’s brought you a slice of madeira cake to have alongside it

at this your eyes brighten you love madeira cake it’s so soft and buttery and simple but it’s just REALLY GOOD???

anyway, you definitely recommend everyone to have some it’s a solid 10/10

“picked some up on my way here.”

your heart swells affectionately

no one will ever love you as hard as he does

to be honest, the little things he does keep you grounded and you don’t really know where you’d be without him

he always pays attention to the things you love, always carries you from the couch to your bed, always tucks you in, always lingers a little just to make sure you’re sound asleep

you know about that last bit because on occasion you have stirred awake on accident

every single time he strokes your hair and holds you close ushering you back to sleep

again, you don’t know if it’s your fever making you emotional or the warm feeling of being loved so HARD?? it’s like whack a mole the only difference is being repeatedly hit by bursts of affection

not really a great analogy but your brain is fried right now and it’s the best you’ve got

levi sits next to you making the mattress shift and you then plop your head against his chest

“drink up.”

he hands you the cup of tea but you nuzzle your face into his neck instead forcing him to place it back down

“what are you doing?” he asks.

one of his hands draws circles onto your back soothing you and the other hand is fiddling around with the packaging of your cold meds, he looks to be reading the description just to make sure you can take them

the feeling of his t-shirt under your cheek fades away and you find yourself staring up at him

“get here.” he softly murmurs

rather than pressing a hand against your forehead he swoops down

at first his hands feel your face and neck

“you’re burning up.” he frowns and then he does it

he presses his forehead against yours and you swear you could stop breathing and pass out right then and there

“the fever’s getting worse, why didn’t you call me earlier i had to find out you were sick from-”

“i love you.”

he freezes.

“of course you love me but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.” he snorts and looks you right in the eye.

suddenly you’re kinda just a teeny-weeny bit self-conscious about your dark under eyes but you push that thought to the back of your mind

“no i mean. i really fucking love you levi.” the expletive only makes you sound more serious especially since you always scold him when he uses vulgar language

it looks as if his mouth moves to say it back but you stop him

“you don’t have to say it again. i’m saying it because you said it first.” you explain through your drowsy state

“when did i say it first?”

the fever must be really getting to you is what he’s thinking

“your actions spoke for you.”

he ever so slightly jabs you with his elbow before he carefully places your head back down onto his chest

“you’re so sappy.” he pecks your cheek and you hum silently still unable to breathe out of one of your nostrils

“i know but you’re sappier.”

levi doesn’t respond because he knows you’re correct

:-)