#commentary on my rescue skills is highly encouraged

[astranite]

Funny story: today I rescued a chicken.

This got kinda long but it is fairly funny and has a happy ending. Also there is Thunder and Birds involved, but not in the usual way. And I have no one to give the blow-by-blow account of the saga to, and I Need to Tell Story. So dear friends, *drags you to sit around my figurative fireplace* enjoy my tale!

(Minor warning of reference to past animal death.)

Because the universe really does have a sense of humour, this all started when I was sitting outside, because it was a nice sunny day, while reading @gaviiadastra's 'Chicken Dad' series. (its great, Im only 5 chapters in, go read it!)

And then I hear loud chicken clucking noises. Which I am understandably very surprised to hear. There is some *looks at laptop* *looks up again* "What the fuck???"

So I go out to investigate. I find a chicken. A very cute, fairly large black hen with the slightest green sheen to her feathers. In all likelihood a Black Australorp.

Outside my yard, just chilling. And still bok-bok-boking loudly.

And I'm like, "huh." And wow, that was not just my imagination.

Now backstory time: My family used to keep chickens, a small flock of them living happily in our yard. I loved them very much, and I kinda still miss them even though it was years ago now. They also had ridiculous triple-barrel names.

Tragic backstory time: One of our chickens got eaten by a fox. (it was extremely upsetting, the chicken was our friend.)

There are also a whole bunch of outdoor cats around the neighbourhood, and a highway nearby, and generally a lot of dangers to escapee chickens. So I'm understandably pretty worried about this chook, because its also lateish afternoon and will get dark. And just leaving it there really doesn't fly with me.

Time for the rescue plan: I'm going to catch that chicken, then figure out where it lives and return it. Because I vaguely remembered some neighbours keeping chickens, and a door knock around should point me in the right direction. (Or if not, I get to keep chickens again, y'know, if it still needs a good home.)

I put shoes on, because stomping around in my slippers is likely ill advised, grab a crust of bread because it the best chicken attracting thing i can quickly find, and yell to a family member where i'm going, getting the underwhelming response of, "Uh huh, sure."

Plan A: Lure chicken close to me with bread and catch it once it is in arms reach.

There is some throwing of pieces of bread, me making inviting clucking noises (actually one of my talents, I have fooled people with it before,) me staying very still, the chicken slowly coming closer.

Eventually the chicken is pecking the bread piece from my hand. I take my moment. My fingertips brush feathers. The chicken runs off. Note to self: chickens are fast and I'm very out of practice at chicken nabbing.

Takes two through like eight or something: Lure chicken in, gain its trust, wait until it gets really close, then catch it.

And nope. The chicken is having None Of That. It still gets a fair bit of bread bits, thrown out around me. And its having a merry old time, wandering around, pecking at grass, and being adorable. (I really like chooks, they're cute.)

By this point my butt's gone numb and my shitty knees are Complaining. And I've been at this more than half an hour, like seriously, this chicken has mastered the art of 'close enough for snacks, but not close enough to get got.'

And I am Very Patient (in some circumstances, such as these, though not all), but I can also hear thunder as a storm is coming in. And this clearly isn't working. And the chicken is wandering away. And I'm at least ten times its size and supposedly the cleverer one here.

So onto Plan B: Get me close to the chicken. Catch the darned chicken.

I get up, shove the bit of bread in my pocket, stretch, then calmly walk after the chicken. Because panicky chicken could definitely out-sprint me. And we're gonna avoid that. I'm also hoping the whole 'persistence predator' thing pays off.

Additional context notes: I live right next to a park. Sort of. There's several metres of rocky cliff between the row of houses and the park. And a narrow strip of land between said cliff and houses. Which is where me and the chicken are, of course.

So there is the additional difficulty of 1) dont chase chicken off cliff (the chicken would be fine, its only couple of metres high and it has unclipped wings. Also would be new problem of chicken running loose in big park.) 2) dont fall off cliff because i dont want to explain it to family/curious strangers/paramedics that this was all because of a chicken.

There is a lot of very careful manoeuvring. Some tactical retreats because that chicken really likes that cliff edge. An amount of bush bashing. Some strategic climbing of slopey parts where it's not so cliff steep. I run into sticks and tree branches and spiderwebs. I Follow That Chicken.

There is a stand off. A rout. I direct the chicken towards the houses and manage to corner it with a fence. And then I've got an armful of somewhat flappy chicken until I get the wings under control. Then I've just got a chicken. A very sweet chicken who is now pretty chill with being held.

Return of the Chicken: It's the first house I go to. I ring the bell, no one answers. I wander round the side a bit thinking maybe I ended up at the back door with all the chicken chasing. A dog spots me in the window and starts barking. So I stand there to wait for that to get someone's attention because I'm 90% sure its the right house.

Person appears in window. Me: *waves* *points at chicken*

Epilogue: It was confirmed that the chicken belonged there. The person was very grateful for the return of their chicken. And wasn't too put out by a rando showing up at the door with a chicken in their arms. Me in my red chequered flannel and possibly covered in leaves. The chicken did not have a name, I asked. I suggested Jailbreak as a suitable one.

I gave the chicken one last pat then handed her over (somewhat reluctantly. She was a very soft, fluffy, lovely chook) (and I named her.) (I really miss having chickens, if you can't tell that already.)

I went home and after a while it stormed, seriously like right on top of us with no break between thunder and lightning. Very glad I got the chicken before that. And got inside. I also won't tell you how long it took to find the bread still in my pocket but I'm very glad it didn't go through the wash. Now I blogged on tumblr about it.

And so the chicken rescue saga comes to an end, with all parties safe and dry and no one even fell off a cliff. Also I got to hold a chicken and that was a major win for my day!

*THE END*

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Red Sister by Mark Lawrence

I received an ARC of this exciting new fantasy book in my March Illumicrate box and it sounded incredibly intriguing. Red Sister was my first Mark Lawrence book but I know that he is a renowned adult fantasy writer. With the simple adage “It’s not until you’re broken that you find your sharpest edge” on the cover, I knew that Red Sister would be profound, thrilling story that had the potential to hit me in the feels.

Nona Grey is imprisoned for the attempted murder of a fierce fighter. She is rescued from the gallows by the abbess of Covent of Sweet Mercy, who believes that Nona has the ability to make it as a deadly assassin. As she hones her skills in swordplay and fist-fighting, she must also excel in her academic studies and find serenity -all while a dangerous enemy is hunting her down due to her violent past.

Nona has an admirable fearlessness to her, despite her very young age at the start of the book. There were times when I forgot that she is eight years old. Perhaps this is because she has seen so much darkness within the world that it has hardened her and forced her to grow up but she certainly didn’t read like an child. Watching her progress through her training and earn the respect of her peers was wonderful and I really began to root for her.

There is a strong theme of being aware of your own mortality, (probably because death is constantly lurking!) and questions about how we should view it. The girls are encouraged to fight in the face of death and as a result, the deaths in the book come across as heroic sacrifices for the greater good -despite tearing the reader’s heart out!

“Those that burn short burn bright. The shortest lives can cast the longest shadows.”

The above quote reminds me of a similar one from A Clash of Kings by George RR Martin, when Varys is in conversation with Tyrion and he says “Ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow.” The sentiment is certainly similar. While Varys’ comment refers to Tyrion’s ability to cause a lot of damage to his enemies, Red Sister’s version suggests that the shortest lives damage their mourners the most. Either way, the idea that it is not always the largest or oldest that are capable of causing the most darkness, is something that resonates throughout Red Sister. These girls are young teenagers and yet they manage to take down foe much bigger and seemingly stronger than themselves. It’s a book full of underdog triumph.

“Trust is the most insidious of poisons. Trust sidesteps all of your precautions.”

Nona is understandably full of self-preservation and distrust for everyone. Lawrence does a great job of conveying what it’s like to find it difficult to trust. The fact that she does manage to make friends and form strong connections with her classmates in spite of this was really lovely to see. 

Finding her inner peace is something that Nona struggles with. As she grows older, she learns that finding serenity is about looking at the world differently. The process she goes through in order to discover this reminded me strongly of my own experience with cognitive behaviour therapy. Learning to deal with anxiety or depression is exactly the same as finding serenity and the best way to find it is to change the way you look at the world. Thinking more positively and believing in yourself is key and this helps build Nona’s all-round strength.

“It’s harder to forgive someone else your own sins than those uniquely theirs. Much harder.”

There were so many powerful resounding sentences and paragraphs in Red Sister that were full of truth. As well as being an action-packed, bloodthirsty story full of magic and intrigue, Lawrence also managed to weave in some very honest social commentary. The above two quotes are so thought-provoking and the more I think about them, the more truth I can find. It is harder to forgive others our own sins because we are harshest on ourselves and our own flaws. The second quote could almost warrant a thousand word analysis on its own but it reiterates the point that a lot of dark corrupt things happen both beneath the surface of the mind and beneath the surface of our society that we will never know about. 

Red Sister was an emotional, fierce story about one girl’s rise from frightened abandoned prisoner to badass assassin. There is magic but it’s quite understated and I think I would have liked to have seen a little more of it. However, this is the first in a new series though so hopefully some origin stories and background information about the history of this world will come to light in later installments. I really enjoyed the rollercoaster Mark Lawrence took me on and I can certainly see why his work is so highly acclaimed. Most of the characters were dynamic, interesting, unpredictable people and I loved that I had no idea where the narrative was going. Rich, real relationships, heart-rending violence and a sense of hope, Red Sister is a promising start to the Book of the Ancestor series.

“A book is as dangerous as any journey you might take. The person who closes the back cover may not be the same one who opened the front one.”