gothlovingoth

[gothlovingoth]

laurie 😔

[gothlovingoth]

every day i think i've read the most depraved thing humanly imaginable published in a western media outlet and every day they prove me wrong by publishing something even worse

article archive link

[gothlovingoth]

Virgin and Child (1486)

Silver, parcel-gilt, stones (opal, clear and pale sapphires, garnets, and pale emeralds)

[gothlovingoth]

[gothlovingoth]

need this on a t shirt

[gothlovingoth]

[gothlovingoth]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[gothlovingoth]

[gothlovingoth]

Whenever an ugly feeling arises in me, maybe resent, greed, insecurity, etc. I just have to laugh and think to myself, this is what being alive is and I don’t deny my capacity for ugliness, in fact I store my faith in it because that same awareness of my own ugliness is the place I go to when I am aware of my own beauty. I have all the time in the world to sort it out, that’s the thing with self trust. I don’t hide from others and I don’t hide from myself, where there is ugliness I observe it and I don’t turn away.

[gothlovingoth]

One day you think: I want to die. And then you think, very quietly, actually I want a coffee. I want a nap. A sandwich. A book. And I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun. I want a cleaner room, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else, I want to live.

[gothlovingoth]

man

[gothlovingoth]

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

[gothlovingoth]

it's a shame you can't Cool, Silent, and Mysterious your way to being very close to people. we are unfortunately going to have to embarrass ourselves for this

[gothlovingoth]

i think the important thing to understand is that sexual violence is an extension of violence, not sex

[gothlovingoth]

new reaction image

[gothlovingoth]

One coolThing is that. I feel, the older you get,the more access you have to heavy machinery that can hurt yourself others or destroy your personal property and reputation, I think