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kingsoowolves · 1 day ago

Text

constant | s. es

pairing: Best friend!Eunseok x fem!reader

word count: 9.2k

author's note: This has been sitting in my drafts for a while because I desperately wanna give it a part two, but I don't have the timeeeeeeee :( so if you like this, pretty please tell me and put your foot on my butt so I write it :) Inspired by nothing else but my sick twisted mind full of angst. Hope you enjoy!

contents: Best friends turned to friends with benefits turned to (awkward) best friends again turned to ?????? Angst, semi smut (as in descriptions of first time having sex + heavy make out session with grindind and feeling each other up), and more angst because I'm crazy. Eunseok has a girlfriend on the latter part of this, so there's cheating involved (trigger warning). Reader's father dies when she's very young (more trigger warning). Other riize members + random idols mentioned for worldbuilding. No happy ending (for now).

For as long as you can remember, Song Eunseok has been a constant in your life.

Some of your oldest memories are from when you were around six and, by then, you already spent most of your afternoons on playdates with the boy next door and his mom.

Your mother recounts the day you’ve met when you were both five-year-olds with elaborate detail. After your dad’s sudden death scarred your lives, you moved into a far place where nobody knew you. The day you settled in your new house, your mom took you for a stroll around the neighborhood to get to know the area and you ended up in a playground packed with kids from all ages.

According to her, you were the one who approached Eunseok. He was a shy boy playing by himself on the sand box with his toy rocket ship when you came over, hair in pigtails with pink ribbons and a gap between your teeth from losing your first baby tooth only a week prior, your face eclipsing the sunlight that hit his forehead. Your mom says that when he looked up, anyone could tell he had just found something brighter than the sun to beam over him.

Or at least that’s what she likes to say to get you both flustered now that you’re young adults.

Nevertheless, since that day you’ve been attached at the hip and it was clear that your bright outspoken personality complemented his quiet observant one. Although the contrast sometimes was a bit too much for people. Sunshine extroverted girl running around with brooding introverted boy? It made no sense for them. When you started getting older and others’ comments and side-eyes got progressively worse, you showed everyone how you could be the cross one if they pushed too far. You spent a lot of time kicking shins and pulling heads full of hair from the boys that bullied Eunseok and the girls who talked bad behind his back just because he was timid. You also talked back to any adult who dared to make a nasty comment about your friendship. By the time you reached middle school, everyone in your little town knew not to mess with you or your friend.

Finally, you were free to play and be with Eunseok to your heart’s content, without having to worry about snide remarks that could upset him. Now you could enjoy your time with your best friend from the whole wide world and not care what people think, because for once they were not announcing it to you. It made the connection between you two much stronger.

You constantly reminisce of days spent with him, learning everything there was to know about each other.

The first thing you learnt about Eunseok was how much he likes the universe. He told you everything about it — how old it is, what it is made of, what humanity knows and does not know about it. He told you scientific discoveries and theories, recited every galaxy, planet, meteorite he could remember the name of and filled your days with interesting facts and anecdotes about his passion. Every word out of his mouth would make you gawk, both because of how amazing it all sounded and because you couldn’t believe he was able to gather that much information at such a young age.

When you’d talk about your future selves, you always wished to become something plain and silly as any girl would say, like an actress or an idol, but Eunseok dreamed of greater professions. He wanted to be an astronaut, an aerospace engineer, an astrophysicist, a project manager. Sometimes you’d feel small and pathetic from how big his dreams were compared to yours. But it was your own mind’s fault, never Eunseok’s. He never viewed you as any less than him just because you had differing interests and specially never made you feel stupid for being a girl.

Eunseok took interest in your hobbies. He let you play dress up with him, loving the cute Sanrio hair pins you put on his head and complimenting you on your make up skills once you were done and he looked at himself in the mirror. He listened to you talk for hours about your favorite artists and retell him the plot of the latest drama you were watching with your mom. He became a fan of anime because of you and you started binge-watching a bunch together. He listened to your music and even made you a personal playlist of your favorite artists one day. And he was also the one who accompanied you to their concerts, buying you merch and sticking by your side, laughing whilst you screamed your lungs out for the people on stage.

Getting to know Eunseok and spending time with him was the best part of your days and when people finally stopped disturbing you about your friendship, you had more time to spend with each other. Though you were so relieved about it that you didn’t prepare yourself for the next big change — high school.

Puberty and hormones are a funny thing. One day your best friend is the rejected loner nerd everybody seems to look down on. The next day he’s the cute sexy boy-with-thick-framed-glasses that everyone is looking at.

You and Eunseok were never ready for the kind of attention he started to receive in your second year of high school. His once perpetually empty desk nook was now filled to the brim with chocolates on Valentine’s Day and notes with declaration of love. Girls suffered when they didn’t get a gift back from him on White Day and suddenly, without your consent, everybody appointed you as Eunseok’s personal messenger, handing over confessions' letters for him during lectures or even dropping them inside your locker or backpack when you weren’t looking. You hand delivered every single one of them to him, complaining about it the whole time, just to watch him read the contents of each letter and then rip them apart, throwing them in the nearest trash can. Whenever you stared at the shreds of paper inside the bin for a second too long, Eunseok grabbed your wrist and pulled you along to walk out the school's hallways with him.

You were always wondering if he liked the attention or not, but you never asked him about it and you’re sure he would never admit it even if that was the case.

Another thing that you wondered about was what the fuck all the girls abruptly started seeing in him. Up until then, you were the only one who knew how special Eunseok was. But that was because you saw something in him on that first day at the playground nobody else did and you spent years actually growing together with him. You knew Eunseok was a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy, but that was because he let you in.

The girls who were flocking behind him didn’t know that he preferred a mango Melona over a watermelon one. Or that he always double knotted his shoelaces and insisted on you doing the same every time you tripped over your shoes. Or that whenever you came back home together, he waited for you to get inside your house and lock the door before going to his home right beside it. They didn’t know he used to help your mom whenever your car had a mechanical problem or that he tasted every single one of your failed baking recipes, no matter how bad they were. They didn’t know he cooked whole meals with his mother and took care of their garden with his father. Or that whenever your mother took the night shift at the hospital, he made you a lunchbox for dinner and for breakfast. They didn’t know he always grabbed you a strawberry milk at the school’s canteen when they were close to running out. Or that when your first boyfriend broke up with you barely two weeks after you started dating, he comforted and hugged you for hours while you cried in his arms. Or that when you told him you didn’t know if the few memories you have of your father were real or just fabricated from old pictures, videos and stories your mother tells you, he comforted you by saying that your heart remembers him and that was what mattered.

They didn’t know he loved dad jokes and would hit you with them at least three times a day, making you roll your eyes and laugh with every new one out of his mouth. They didn’t know his gruff voice turned soft and airy when he sang and that, on starry nights, he laid by your side on your backyard lawn and talked about all the constellations in the night sky over your heads. They didn’t even know how athletic he actually was and about how you both went to Sungchan’s house every Wednesday after class where Eunseok proceeded to kick Sungchan’s ass at basketball while you watched and sipped on your bubble tea.

You knew Eunseok, those girls didn’t.

They only saw a hint of a stubble on his jaw and his shoulders getting broader one day and decided he was finally worth the attention when you knew of this fact since day one.

And the possibility that any of those desperate tramps could ever get to know him like you did made your stomach churn. Eunseok’s response to them just bugged you further. He never responded to any advances, but never outright rejected them either. He seemed apathetic about it, and maybe that should’ve told you something, but you couldn’t figure it out now and much less when you were sixteen.

Fortunately, after a while, those girls stopped humiliating themselves looking for the attention he never gave them and things more or less went back to normal, with them labeling him as a pretentious loser and going back to their stupid lives. And you had him all to yourself again.

The next time your relationship with Eunseok changed only happened in the winter break before your last year of school and it was provoked by you. You still don’t know why you did what you did. Maybe it was the hormones. Maybe it was the small list of guys that had already broken your heart by then. Maybe it was just the fear of going to college as a still inexperienced and never desired eighteen-year-old. Maybe it was because you were afraid of the near future, of a life without Eunseok coming just around the corner.

You knew that once you finished high school, he would probably study in Seoul or maybe even go abroad. The life in your little town would never be enough for him. He was too intelligent and dedicated to his studies to not aim high. And you would just stay behind, because you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving your mom alone in the world and because you were never a good student anyway. The thing with being extroverted is that it can land you many contacts, but they won’t mean a thing if you don’t have the qualifications to back them up. Either way, you were stuck there. Eunseok would fly and you would just watch and cheer for him from afar. So you needed something to hold on to, something to completely mark the memories you had together forever.

All you remember is that you were huddled together inside his room, on your weekly movie night, watching an anime Eunseok loved for the thousandth time and you got distracted by his eyelashes, how they softly pressed the skin under his waterline anytime he blinked, how the blue glow from the TV made they seem a tone lighter and smooth to the touch, and how desperately you needed to feel them with your fingertips. Next, you stared at his eyebrows, thick and designed and really pretty. Really really pretty. Like all of him. Then, while he was laughing about something in the movie, you raised your hand as if to mindlessly touch his brows because it was like they were calling to you, but Eunseok caught your wrist mid-movement, pulling back before you could graze his skin.

He gasped and looked at you with wide eyes and you asked him the most ridiculous question that ever came out of your mouth.

“Seok, will you be my first?” You said.

He didn’t ask what you meant, because he knew exactly what you were talking about. He didn’t ask if you were serious, because he knew you were. He didn’t ask if you were sure, because he also knew you were. Because he knew you. One look at your face and he could see the sincerity dripping from your whole being.

“Yes,” he replied a half second later. And then he pulled you in for a kiss.

You would like to say that you kept your calm through all of it, that you didn’t feel shaken or nauseated with nerves and that you did everything exactly like the magazines guided, like your friends talked about when telling their experiences, like the spicy videos you watched late at night showed, like the romantic movies made it seem. You’d like to say that you kissed Eunseok with certainty, that you took off your clothes sensually and that you grabbed his cock the right way.

But Eunseok’s bedroom would beg to differ. The laptop on his study desk saw how your lips faltered over his skin and overheard your frenzied mind wondering if you were doing everything right. His calendar snickered at you while your t-shirt got stuck on your earring on its way off your body and how you fumbled to free the fabric and almost ripped your ear off. The posters on his walls watched your trembling fingers struggling with the buckle on his belt for thirty seconds until Eunseok took pity on you and unfastened it himself. The clock beside his TV looked at your expectant eyes when he deposited kisses on the valley between your breasts and continued going down, down, down. When his fingers inside you were unexpectedly precise in driving you to your first peak and you asked him if he had done that before, the lamp on his nightstand listened to the sound of your disappointed gasp after he said “Yes”. His sheets felt the nervous tugs of your hand whilst you pumped Eunseok’s dick in an unsteady rhythm and at an awkward angle with your other hand. His bed frame picked up on your hoarse moans once he finally slid into you, sounds that only grew louder and raspier with each drive of his hips forward. His mattress could testify to how slick you got in between your legs and about the mess you left behind. His books eavesdropped on you promising to each other in between whimpers that it was only a one time thing, never to happen again, and that it wouldn’t change your friendship. And once your joint orgasm took over you both, the stars stickers on his ceiling shined bright right at your wrecked and fucked out face.

After, when your head was laying on Eunseok’s chest and he started to snore, you reached out and touched his eyebrows and lashes, brushing against them one by one while an indescribable feeling took over you.

You’d also like to say that you kept your promise or that at least you tried to keep it, but two days later you both found ourselves in the same compromising position — naked and on his bed. By the start of the school year, you were meeting up almost everyday and fucking at least for three days out of the week.

Being with Eunseok like that showed you a whole new side of him. Of course he still took care of you in every way possible, but he stopped being so nice and gentle all the time. There was no space for tenderness when he was too busy fucking you from behind, tweaking your peaked nipples, thrusting his cock into your mouth until you gagged on it, collecting your drool to use as lubricant, curling his fingers deep inside you, telling you how much he loved your cunt and begging you to cum for him. But you preferred it this way. You could take his rough fucking.

What you couldn’t handle were the soft moments in between, when he brushed your sweaty hair back and gazed deeply into your eyes, and when he asked in his softest voice if you were feeling good — if he was the reason you felt so good —, and when he told you how much he liked you and how perfect you were for him, and when he admitted he thought about you two like that for so long, and when he murmured sweet words to you like a prayer, and when he caressed your skin as if you were a goddess and he was your faithful servant.

What you really couldn’t handle was Eunseok’s confession three months later. The look on his face when you replied to his "I love you" with “You deserve someone better than me” will haunt you forever. You had never seen him put on his clothes and storm out of your room so fast before.

After that night, you didn’t hook up again and things turned awkward. But Eunseok was still a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy. All he gave you was three weeks of complete radio silence — no texts, no calls, no extracurricular meetings, not even a glance your way during classes. You even stopped going to and coming back from school together. And then on one sunny Tuesday, when you were on your way home in the afternoon, he trailed behind you and eventually your footsteps fell side by side. Eunseok didn’t say a thing whilst your sneakers pressed against the pavement at the same rhythm. You also didn’t dare to speak a single word, afraid any sound would scare him away.

Once you pulled up in front of your neighboring houses he picked some papers from inside his backpack and handed them to you.

“I took a copy of my notes from Calculus III. For that exam on Friday,” he explained.

You grabbed the sheets of paper and looked at his carefully crafted handwriting photocopied on them, how it was gentle and soft like almost everything he did. You looked up at him and asked, “Why are you giving me this?

He shrugged. “Thought you might need it.”

“Does this mean we are friends again?” You asked, your voice hopeful and unsure.

“You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N,” he said and his words carried a sorrow that pained your heart deeply.

Then he turned, climbed the three steps of his front porch and entered his house. He didn’t wait for you to get inside your home and lock the door like he used to. He just left you there. You felt relieved that he put himself over you at least once. Even if it was also his way of forgiving you.

It took a while for you to feel comfortable with each other again. And even still, it wasn’t the same as before. You had to find a new normal.

The new normal came with not having Eunseok doing so many nice things to you. He didn’t let you get the last pizza slice anymore or save you a seat on school’s assemblies you always got late to. Your once duo movie nights turned into something you’d do with a group of friends, at least one other person to ease the obvious tension still lingering in between you. And that’s when group gatherings, either going out with friends or meeting at someone’s house, became even more common. Because being alone with him in an enclosed space was definitely off limits. You needed to fill all the space in between you with people and things so there wouldn't be any left for thoughts and feelings.

The new normal also included saying goodbye to Eunseok at the end of the year. He ended up enrolled at Pusan National University’s science program and you stayed at your town studying tourism in a local uni. His college was still close to your town, it was only one hour and ten minutes drive from your house to his dorm, maybe one and a half if there was traffic. And he came home every other weekend, where you’d often meet and be your childhood selves together again. Still, not having him part of your everyday life hurt you more than you thought it would.

Then, two months after your second year at college started, he showed up at your house late on a Friday night, all merry and giddy. You immediately knew something was up.

“I have to tell you something,” he said under the light of your entryway while he took off his shoes.

“What is it?” You asked, taking a step back to prepare yourself for the news.

“I have a girlfriend,” he whispered, breaking your heart in a million pieces.

Her name is Sian and she is everything you aren’t — lovable, smart, caring, and with the same interests as Eunseok.

When he brought her home one weekend, she was warm and kind. She talked to you as if you were a close friend and apparently did not care a bit that you, another woman, are Eunseok’s best friend. Also, she makes Eunseok grin like no one else does and you’re grateful for that, because his smiles are hard to come by ever since that night you told him he deserves someone better. Turns out he did find someone better. And you can’t even hate her because she is a truly good person. But you do envy her.

That’s what you’re doing right now, envying Sian. It’s movie night and Eunseok is at your room, the both of you together and alone again after so many years, courtesy of Sungchan, Chaeryeong and Wonbin blowing you off to warm themselves up at a winter break party rather than hide at home under the blankets. It feels both awkward and familiar to be here with him, mostly because Eunseok is supposed to be watching the movie with you. You are supposed to be watching the movie, too, but you’re stuck observing him from the corner of your eye for fifteen minutes while he smiles and types away at his phone, texting his girlfriend. Said girlfriend who is currently traveling around France with her parents and bombing Eunseok’s phone with photos of her smiling prettily under the Eiffel Tower, in front of the Louvre, at Champs-Élysées. You don’t know why she takes so many photos. You don’t know why Eunseok has to react to every single one of them with a heart emoji and tell her how beautiful she looks. But you suppose that when you're pretty and rich and go to expensive places and have a caring boyfriend, that’s what happens. Not that you’d know any of that.

The thing is, envying Sian is not new to you. You’ve become used to it because she has everything whilst you have nothing. Money, beauty, intelligence and love. She has loyal friends and good people by her side. She has a balanced family and absolutely no childhood trauma from what you can tell. She definitely has some procedures on her face and her teeth are so perfect and bright it hurts your eyes. And she has an alive father, one that would for sure make a lovely father-in-law for Eunseok one day. Because she also has Eunseok.

And you like Sian. You really like her. But you can’t stand another minute of Eunseok not paying attention to anything that isn’t her – not paying attention to you.

“Seok, you’re not watching the movie,” you finally say after putting up with his constant texting for the last fifteen minutes.

He looks at you for a beat and puts his phone face down over his stomach, eyes shifting back to the laptop screen glowing in front of you both. “Sorry.”

He stays like that for a while, but then his phone vibrates and its screen glows and he picks it up again, spending another few minutes typing.

You shift uncomfortably on the far corner of your bed, the space between you and Eunseok as wide as the emotional distance you both created. “Eunseok, come on,” you whine, turning to him. “Are you for real right now?”

He doesn’t even glance your way this time, choosing to remain focused on whatever message he’s writing. “Sorry, I’m just texting Sian,” he says, as if you don’t know it already.

You sigh. “I know, but can’t you do it another time?”

“No. We haven’t been able to talk for a few days because of the time zones’ difference. And right now we’re both free and awake,” he explains.

His answer shoots an arrow straight through your chest. “Except you’re not free,” you remind him, your voice getting a tone higher. “You’re busy watching a movie with me!”

“Well, I need a couple minutes to talk with my girlfriend!” He counters.

“It’s been a couple minutes, alright? It’s been a few minutes, actually!”

“Y/N, I really don’t get what the problem is,” he says, finally looking at you again, seeming exasperated.

“The problem is you’re not watching the freaking movie!” You exclaim, feeling annoyed yourself.

He has the audacity to roll his eyes at you and turn back to his phone. “We watched this movie a billion times already.”

“It’s our favorite movie!” You say through gritted teeth, feeling offended.

“And we watched it a billion times before,” he repeats with a condescending tone, like he’s talking to a dumb kid. “My point still stands.”

“Well, if that’s how it’s gonna be,” you start, shutting the laptop down. You crawl down the bed and carry it with you before flicking your light back on, beyond yourself with anger. “Then movie night is over!” You finish, putting the laptop on your desk with a little too much force.

Eunseok rubs at his eyes for a moment, the sudden clarity obviously affecting his vision as much as it’s affecting yours, but you’re too busy being mad to care for it.

Once he’s done adjusting his eyes, he comes back to the argument. “Oh God, it’s just a movie. You are so dramatic!”

His words only hurt you more. “If I’m so dramatic, why don’t you go back to your home and never look at me again since that’s what you prefer anyway?”

Eunseok stares at you for a second, then blinks. “What?”

“I said if I’m so dramatic—”

“No, no, no,” he interrupts you, flinging himself from the bed and tossing his phone at your nightstand in a single move. “I heard what you said, but what the fuck do you mean about it?”

You cross your arms, still defensive and livid. “Oh, come on, Eunseok! You don’t talk with me anymore. I know nothing about your life except for when you’re speaking about Sian. And that is all you talk about — Sian, Sian, Sian, all the fucking time. You never make time for us. And when by a chance we do have the opportunity to spend some time together, again you’re talking with her? You don’t pay attention to me and you don’t fucking care anymore! So if you don’t want my friendship, just say it and go away! We can be done and over with it!”

“Where did you get the idea that I don’t care about you? If I didn’t care, why would I be here?” He says, tips of his ears and apple of his cheeks getting red.

“But you’re not here!” You yell, slamming your hand on your dresser, a few of your personal items shaking and falling on it. “You haven’t been here for a while now. You’re not present in this friendship anymore. We don’t talk, we don’t go out, we don’t stay in together. We never do anything just the two of us. We’re never alone and never together, not truly. And even when we’re with other people, your mind is also elsewhere all the time. Everything just feels empty and superficial between us.”

Eunseok’s face gets redder with each word you utter and when you’re finished he spats at you, “And whose fault is that, Y/N? Who the fuck ruined everything between us?”

“Oh, so now you’re ready to talk about it?” You question, taking a step in his direction and crossing your arms. “Not gonna act like a coward and pretend nothing happened like usual?”

He also starts to walk towards you. “I’m a coward? You’re the one who walked away from us because you were too afraid of taking a chance!”

“And I regret it everyday!” You exclaim. “I get that I hurt you, Eunseok. I get that, okay? But also, I just miss us!” Your throat tightens and your voice starts to get shaky and heavy, all thanks to your upcoming tears. “I miss you! I miss you so freaking bad!”

It’s then that you start to cry, overcome with guilt and remorse, tears flowing from your eyes and cascading on your flushed face.

Eunseok’s temper tones down at your reaction and he takes a step back to assess your state. When the tears don’t stop after a few seconds, he looks at you with sorrow in his eyes. “Y/N,” he says, voice soft and understanding.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes and turn away at him, hiding from the pity in his gaze by leaning your head against the wall. Your arm accidentally bumps against the light switch when you do it and the room darkens around you.

It’s quiet for a while. Just the sound of your sobs and hiccups and Eunseok’s ragged breath near the bed. You can hear that he’s trying to calm himself down, taking deep breaths in and out. Then you hear the noise of his sock-covered foot sliding across your floor, informing you he’s taking a hesitant step toward you. After that one, comes a new step. And another. And one more. And after a couple more, you feel his presence a hair’s breadth away from you. It’s warm and inviting and it takes everything in you not to lean back against it.

But you don’t have to, because a moment later he’s closing the distance. His arms cross over the front of your stomach, his chest meets your back and his chin rests on the crown of your head. He’s enveloping you in a hug from behind, over and under you. His scent invades your nostrils – clean softener, cedar wood and a touch of the citrus hand cream you gave him weeks prior. It feels suffocating in the best way possible. You don’t want him to ever let you go.

“Oh, Y/N,” he sighs. “I had no idea you felt like that.” He tightens his arms around you and continues. “I miss you, too. I miss you so much.”

“I didn’t know,” you stutter. “You never told me.”

“Yeah, I guess we’re both losers with a communication problem, right?” He says with a chuckle, his chest trembling against your back. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you sob, shaking your head. “Seok, I’m so sorry. For so many things.”

“Yeah?” He asks, pulling some hair away from the side of your face and snuggling his head on your shoulder. “Can you look at me and say that to my face, though?”

“Seok,” you whine, feeling guilty and vulnerable.

“Please?” He asks in a melodic voice. You can feel his breath right at your pulse and it takes everything in you not to ask him to kiss you. “I need to see your face to know that you really mean it.”

You sigh deeply, still ashamed, but does as he says. You do it slowly though. First you back away from the wall and pull your hands from your eyes, blinking at the shift from a complete blackout to the darkness of your room, still illuminated by the soft light of the hallway infiltrating from your half open door. Then you hastily clean a few tears from your face and brush your hair down, flicking it over your shoulders and trying to look like less of a hot mess. Only then you turn around to Eunseok and he lets his hands drift from the front of your stomach to your waist, still holding you close.

Your eyes dance over his form. Looking at his arms, his chest, his stomach, his shoulders. Everywhere but his face. He just waits while you gather courage, seconds passing through you.

Once you feel ready, you take another deep breath and look up, finally meeting his brown eyes again. They don’t have that anger that was present there a few minutes ago. The grudge they carried for you for years is also not there anymore. It makes you feel like crying again.

“Seok, I’m so sorry,” you hiccup, growing agitated again, new tears welling up your eyes. “I’m so sorry for so many things. For hurting you and for not talking about it and for not apologizing earlier and for not saying how—”

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, pretty girl,” he coos, hands cradling your face to wipe at your tear streaked skin. “I know. I believe you, okay? I really do.”

“I was so dumb, I’m still so dumb. I never told you—”

“Hey, no, don’t talk about my best friend like that, please,” he says, pulling you in so the side of your face is pressed against his chest.

You slide your hands under his arms and around his back, wrapping your arms around him to pull him back against you, resting the side of his face against his chest. “I’m still your best friend?” You ask, voice small and quivering.

He snickers and you feel his nose touching the crown of your head. His chest expands behind your cheek when he takes a whiff of your hair. “Haven’t I told you that already?” He says, each word making his lips move against your scalp. “You’ll always be my best friend, Y/N. Nothing can change that.”

You continue crying, dampening his t-shirt with your tears. “I was so afraid we’d never talk again.”

“I know, sweetheart, but you don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here with you now, right?”

“Are you? For real?” You ask, pushing off his chest to glance up at him.

Eunseok’s gaze melts at your insecurity and he lifts a hand to massage behind your head. “I am. For real.”

“You don’t hate me, then?” You ask, just to be sure.

“I could never hate you, Y/N. Where did you get that idea?”

You shrug and look down, biting on your lower lip. “I don’t know.”

But you do know. You thought he hated you because of what you did. And he’d had every right to if that was the case. You’re lucky he’s always been a kind soul, a helpful friend and an overall amazing guy.

He bends a little to catch your gaze, his thumb grazing your chin. “I’m here and I don’t hate you. I’ll be present again in this friendship from now on. Can you also do that?”

You nod quickly. “Yes, I can.”

“Great. Then we’re settled,” he says.

You smile and Eunseok smiles back at you. Then he rests his forehead on yours, sweeping back some strands of your hair and tucking them in behind your ear. You close your eyes and bask in his presence, at the certainty he's here with you now. You still have a lot to talk about, but you can do it calmly and over time. Right now what matters is that you found a middle ground. Everything else can wait a little bit longer.

You stay like that for a while, hugging tightly, feeling each other, growing confident the other won’t slip away. Until something shifts. Eunseok’s hands slide from the back of your head to your neck, his thumbs brushing on your skin. You know it’s an innocent act, that he’s just shifting his position a little. But you can’t contain the involuntary shiver that runs through your spine. You visibly shake in his embrace, opening your eyes with a gasp to find him already gazing deeply at you, his eyes darker than the last time you looked at him.

You flinch back and squeeze your eyes shut. “Sorry, I—”

“Don’t say sorry,” Eunseok commands, his voice lower than you've ever heard before. He rubs his thumbs down your clavicle and your body trembles again. “Don’t you ever say sorry about that.”

You take a shaky breath, the tension filling your nerves, and open your eyes again. He’s still looking at you and his fingers press against your nape to pull your face closer to his, his nose brushing against yours.

“Seok,” you whisper, not knowing if you’re giving him a warning or begging for something more.

He makes an appreciative sound behind his throat and presses his mouth on your skin timidly, his touch barely there. “I missed you saying my name like that so much,” he says, running his lips on your cheek. “It always sounds so airy, like just saying it gets you hot and bothered.”

You gulp down, processing his words. Eunseok just crossed a line saying that to you. And if you reply to him with what you have in mind, you’ll cross another. Then you’ll be playing a dangerous game, toying with the limits of your just recovered friendship and with the relationship he’s in. You’ve been here before and it did not go well for either of you. Chances are it won’t have a better outcome this time.

But it just feels so good… Would it really be so bad to cross just another teeny tiny line?

“You always get me hot and bothered,” you admit, feeling your chest constrict with guilt and desire.

Deep down you know this is wrong, you know Eunseok knows this is wrong. He has a girlfriend. He was talking to her barely ten minutes ago. Your friendship was just secured a few moments ago. You can’t do this. Whatever this is, you can’t go through with it. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be safe. It wouldn’t be wise.

The tension stretches whilst Eunseok doesn’t respond to you immediately. He remains silent for a beat, and then another one, and you’re about to retract your words, when he chuckles, blowing air on your face.

“I know, baby,” he says, the pet name and the way he says it going straight to your core. You decide to throw all caution out the window. You can’t go back now. Not anymore. To be honest, you could never deny him again.

He slides a hand down your body, his fingers brushing your clavicle and shoulder, then going to your back to skim over your spine. It trails lower until it squeezes your waist and pulls you more into him, making your bodies impossibly closer. “I felt that shiver, too, you know? I always feel so good when I’m close to you. It’s a big problem.”

You let him feel you up, fisting the front of his t-shirt on your hands while you try to remain calm. You’re frozen in place and completely at his mercy. You’ll give him everything he wants from you. You’re his for the taking. You always were.

His mouth brushes against the corner of your lips and you tilt your head up to preen closer to the touch, trying to draw out the feeling of his lips so close to yours for as long as possible.

Eunseok presses a kiss there and his hand glides under your top to feel the warm skin of your lower back. “When I was younger, I always had a boner whenever you so much as looked my way. I jerked off so many times thinking about you,” he reveals, careful eyes watching your reaction to his words. “I still do.”

You choke at the last piece of information, mind reeling with it. He used to touch himself to the thought of you. He still does it now. You wonder how he looks while he does it — how he sounds, how much precum he lets gather at the tip of his cock before touching it, how fast he cums. Almost all air leaves your lungs whilst you think about it.

“Really?” You ask, voice faltering. “Even after everything?”

He nods. “Even after everything. Even now. I can’t get you out of my head.” His fingers start to draw figure eights on your back. “I had to occupy myself with so many things to forget you. I tried so hard, but it was no use.”

Your heartbeat is wild and you’re trembling constantly now. But Eunseok doesn’t seem to care. He just pulls you closer and touches you more, making it impossible for you to stop shivering.

“Me too,” you confess, hands sliding up to the collar of his shirt, gripping it tightly. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t get over you. Over us. I still think about it all the time.”

“Yeah? What do you think about, baby?” He asks, putting his face in the crook between your neck and shoulder.

Your desire gathers between your legs and pools on your underwear so much it starts to feel uncomfortable. You need to take it off of you. You need him to take it off of you. You need him.

“I think about when we used to have fun together,” you say, wrapping your arms over his back.

“Oh,” he utters, descending both of his hands to fit them on your back pockets, squeezing your ass and flattening you against him, his hard-on nestled inside his jeans pressing against your pants’ crotch. It feels amazing. “You think about something like this?”

“Yeah,” you whimper, shifting your hips up to feel more of him. “When I touch myself, I always think about that.”

He releases a breath and drops a kiss on your neck, squeezing you more against him. “What more do you think about?”

“Your pretty cock,” you whisper, running a hand through his hair. “I think about how I used to suck it off and bounce on it. I miss it so much.”

“Oh shit, Y/N,” he groans, pelvis pulling back just to push forwards again, creating delicious friction between you. You feel dizzy with desire and you can only hope he feels the same way.

“Thinking about you always gets me so wet. I’m dripping by the time I’m finished,” you mutter, then you move your lips to his ear, preparing yourself to deal your final blow. “I’m so fucking wet for you right now, Seok.”

It’s Eunseok that shivers this time.

“Fuck, I wanna see that,” he says, a hand snaking in between your legs, cupping your sex over your pants. “I wanna feel it. Can I, baby?”

“Please,” you beg, pulling his face down by his collar until his forehead is pressed against yours again. “I need you so bad. You have no idea.”

“You got me, baby,” he whispers. “You got me.” And then he’s diving in to kiss you.

Eunseok kisses you like he’s claiming you and you kiss him back like you can’t bear spending another moment without his lips touching yours. It’s messy and sloppy, your mouths and tongues trying to suck and lick anything you’re able to reach, your teeth clenching together and biting sensitive skin. Each time one of you pulls back, the other moves forward again to connect your lips.

Kissing like this shows you just how much you wasted time not doing what you wanted. You could’ve been doing this for ages, you could be experienced professionals about how to make each other feel good. You could’ve been loving each other this close and this deeply instead of avoiding your feelings. God, you were so stupid for the longest time.

You’re completely out of breath once Eunseok’s lips slip down to kiss your neck, making you moan and shiver. Then he’s pushing you up until you land on the top of the dresser and you’re glad you have something to support yourself because your legs were about to give out at any moment.

He puts his body in between your thighs and pulls you to the edge of the dresser until he can roll his hips against yours again. You moan in unison and his hands squeeze your thighs whilst he resumes attacking your neck with his mouth.

“I thought about this so much,” you say, grinding on him. “Wishing we could do this all the time.” You pull on his hair until he’s looking at you again. “I always wanted you, Eunseok. Always.”

“I did, too,” he replies, hands slipping under your top to feel your bare skin, thumbs pressing on your sides.

You slide a hand down his stomach to find his belt, pulling on the buckle to unfasten it. Once you’re done, you pull it from his jeans quickly and throw it on the floor. “That’s not the only thing. What I’m trying to say is—”

The air is pulled from your lungs when Eunseok picks you up again and tosses you on your bed, crawling right up to your body until he’s hovering above you. The manhandling gets you light-headed and his hands coming up to cup your breasts empties your brain completely.

You can’t remember what you were saying. Your focus just zeros in on the way he’s ravishing you.

“Y/N,” he whispers while kissing your jaw.

“Yes?” You say, still dazed.

He moves his hand down to the button of your jeans, toying with it for a moment before pulling it out of its loop and drawing your zipper down. His hands skim on the waistband of your panties and you groan, feeling the heat of his fingertips so close to where you most want him.

“What you’re trying to say is?” He asks, tone light and fun, clearly teasing you for your dazed state for the past minute.

Your brain awakes again and you squeeze his arms, remembering what you were about to confess. “Right. What I’m trying to say is—”

Eunseok sucks on your pulse point and you groan, turned on and frustrated. You know he’ll just keep fogging your mind further until you are a blabbering mess. And although you’re not opposed to that, you really need a moment to catch your breath so you can communicate with him properly. After that, you can do what you both are clearly desperate to do.

“Wait,” you whisper, pushing on his shoulders. “I need a second.”

He pulls back slightly and looks at you, watching your chest heave with each breath you take. “You want to stop?”

You shake your head immediately and press your elbows to the mattress, supporting your head up to look at him. “No. I just need to tell you something.”

His fingers dig on your waist. “Sure, baby. What is it?”

You sigh, moving a hand to his chest and trying to make the words in your brain get out of your mouth. “What I’m trying to say is—” The words get stuck in your throat, a new wave of sudden sensibility hitting you right in the chest, impending them from coming out. You feel you’re about to sob again. “Fuck, I’m saying that I—”

The letters are right there, resting on the tip of your tongue, but they just refuse to get out. I love you, you wanna say. I love you, you wanna scream. I love you, I love you, I love you. That’s all you think about. Three little words that have been swimming inside you for as long as you remember. You waited your whole life to say that to him and now that you’re desperate to say it, your voice fails you, your fear taking over your mind, new tears welling up on your throat.

Eunseok watches you expectantly, just waiting. He’s patient with you, like he is most of the time. His eyes show that he knows what you’re going to say, but also that he badly needs to hear it, probably just as much as you need to tell him. It gives you the strength to push through your last restraints.

You take another shuddering breath and lock your eyes with his. “Seok, I lo—”

Then a sudden sound makes you both jump and he pulls back from you as you sit up on the bed. It takes a second to identify what it is, but the realization downs you both at the same time, your heads tilting together to look at the origin of the noise. It’s Eunseok’s ringtone accompanied by his phone vibrating on your bedside table. He’s receiving a call. And you don’t have to look at his screen to see who the caller is. You know it’s Sian. The woman he just cheated on with you.

Eunseok scurries down the bed to pick up his phone, turning his volume all the way down until the only sign of his girlfriend calling him is the picture glowing under her name on his screen. Then he puts the device into his pants’s pocket and stares at the wall in front of him. His back is turned to you and his shoulders are stiff whilst his phone screen still lights up inside his back pocket until it stills. But barely two seconds later it starts flashing again and you know Sian won’t stop calling until he picks up.

You just fucked up. Majorly so.

Hurting each other in the midst of your confusing feelings was all you’ve ever done in your life. The sting burned like hell, but it was your way, your uncomfortable comfort zone, something you’ve gotten used to. Upsetting and harmful, but still familiar, still you two. But hurting another person because of it — someone who has nothing to do with your shit, who is a good person above and all? That was a whole new level of dark and twisted.

You sigh, extremely disappointed with yourself, and run your hands through your hair. You knew you were a bad person, but apparently you never thought it would get to this extent. And now here you are.

What pulls you from the bed and puts you on your feet is Eunseok complete stillness. He’s quiet until his phone stops ringing for the third time, probably taking his girlfriend to voicemail. And he remains quiet when it starts to ring again. You get up to comfort him, to put a hand on his shoulder, because you can’t take seeing him hurt by something that is obviously your fault.

You were the one who held back your feelings. You were the one who made him confused. You were the one that confronted him, screamed and cried. You let him hug you, leaned into his arms, shivered and whispered his name like a prayer. You teased him, tempted him, made him cheat. Eunseok isn’t guilty of any of this, you are. It’s your responsibility to take.

You get off the bed and walk towards him. “Seok,” you say, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder.

However, Eunseok flinches away from you, instantly springing back to life and starting to zip up his pants again. You pull your hand back to rest it against your chest, clenching it into a fist and holding your wrist with your other hand.

“I think I should go,” he says to the wall.

You take a step back and sigh. Guilt, shame, fear and rejection pull on your heartstrings, making your chest tight. You don’t have the energy nor the audacity to ask him to stay. Not after what you’ve just done.

“Okay,” you say in a small voice.

Eunseok turns to you, but his eyes look at a distant point at your bedroom wall. “I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

You gulp down the tears swelling on your throat and nod. “Okay.”

He finally looks at you, eyes heavy with remorse. “I just need some time and space, Y/N.”

“Sure, I’ll give them to you,” you say, plastering a fake smile on your face, trying to comfort him despite falling apart inside. ”Whatever you need, Seok.”

“Thank you,” he sighs.

Then he’s back to recomposing himself and collecting some of his things left on the floor and you just stay there, watching him until he’s done. On his way out of your room, he brushes past you and stops. You hold your breath as he gets close and presses his lips to your temple.

“Bye, Y/N-ie,” he whispers over your skin.

You close your eyes and whisper back, “Bye, Seokie.”

Then he exits, hurried steps following down your house hallway. You hear him quickly put on his shoes at the hall and a small beat of silence just before he opens the door. Then the lock clicks open, a gust of wind whistles through it and you know he’s out, the automatic alarm of the door locking it closed, leaving you all alone again.

You fall to the floor, legs too weak to hold the heavy weight on your heart, and look up to the pegboard over your dresser, filled with trinkets and many pictures — pictures of you and Eunseok together.

There’s one of you as five-year-olds at the playground you met and one of you behind Eunseok’s solar system mock up he did for a science fair when you were eight. There’s one of you at twelve playing a shooting game at an arcade and another of you when you skipped class to spend a day at the beach at fourteen. There’s another one of you working together at a part-time job in a cafe when you were sixteen and even a selfie from one of your many movie nights at seventeen. There’s one of you at a burger place when you were eighteen, looking at each other and laughing.

And the last one is just of Eunseok, taken a year back, when things were already too messy in between you. In the image, he’s as handsome as ever, looking down to write something on a notepad, his hair swept back and his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. You remember the distance between his frames and his eyes made you focus on his eyelashes, just like that other time, and that a stirring on your chest made you snap the photo silently and keep it to yourself.

Looking at all of your sacred memories with him, you can’t stop the tears from falling down your face, afraid you just lost the one constant in your life forever.

author's note: Don't hate me, hate Song Eunseok who inspired me to write this. If you want a part of two, comments and asks are welcomed so I'm sure you guys actually like this. Thank you for reading, as always!

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highway-143 · 1 day ago

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attention seeker- nishimura riki scenarios

genre: fluff, smut, high school au, based on this ask

pairing: classmate!riki × fem!reader

taglist: @urlocalmultigroupfan @minkilicious @shyoko @vrusha01 @planetmarlowe (open taglist)

word count: 1.4k

song: sign- izna & so high school- taylor swift

a.n- tysm @kiromiix for the request! never really tried scenarios before so i hope this is okay!

tw: kissing, kinda nonchalant riki (ewewew imma cry) reader cant pick up anything he's putting down in the beginning lmfao, underage drinking, protected sex, a lil profanity

(mostly proofread)

all scenarios are fake and are not meant to represent any idol in the story. all characters are of age.

ᯓ★˗ˏ�� ★ ˎˊ˗⊹ ₊

classmate!riki who is nonchalant but also somehow manages to be the class clown.

classmate!riki who thought it was funny to put flour inside the cushion of the english teacher's chair on april fools day.

classmate!riki who got lunch detention for two weeks after the flour-covered teacher screamed at him in front of the whole class

classmate!riki who was obviously biting back laughter when she tried to dust the white powder off of herself

classmate!riki who from then on decided her nickname would be mrs. cocaine

classmate!riki who winked at you when he was sent to the principals office for being tardy again

classmate!riki who was randomly partnered with you in a history assignment

classmate!riki who rolled his eyes when he learned you were partners, but gave you his phone number as soon as possible

classmate!riki who you texted two days later, trying to schedule a time to work on the project together

you: hey, is this riki?

riki: yeah, y/n?

you: yeah you: when do you want to meet to work on the project?

riki: tomorrow at 4 in the library?

you: sounds good :)

classmate!riki who hid the fact that he was giddy just from texting you because he was with his friends

classmate!riki who showed up fifteen minutes early to the library just to make sure he looked interested

classmate!riki who was pretending to not care about the project but actually did.

classmate!riki who actually did work because he didn't want you to get a bad grade because of him

classmate!riki who helped on the project just enough so he looked invested but also little enough so he still looked nonchalant

classmate!riki who constantly fiddled with his earring because you constantly kept looking at it.

classmate!riki who grabbed the books from the top shelf that you couldn't reach by putting his hand on your shoulder and reaching up from behind you.

classmate!riki who's abs you could feel pressing into your back

classmate!riki who knew exactly what he was doing

classmate!riki who is so down bad for you, but doesn't really know how to get your attention other than making himself look cool

classmate!riki who enjoys messing with people, especially you

classmate!riki who you started to catch yourself thinking about when your mind wandered during library study sessions with your best friends

classmate!riki who you couldn't help thinking about at night

classmate!riki who caught you staring at him during english class for the seventeenth time that period

classmate!riki who made a funny face and got you in trouble for laughing during a test

classmate!riki who caught up to you in the hall after class and joked about you getting in trouble, but also offered to buy you coffee for the same thing.

classmate!riki who showed up at the library to work on the project with two starbucks cups in his hands because he knew you were tired.

classmate!riki who you confessed to out of sleep-deprivation and stress halfway through a project session, but was overjoyed that you actually ended up liking him

boyfriend!riki who brought you a coffee every morning after that

boyfriend!riki who got a job at the starbucks closest to your school just so he could take the early morning shift and bring you a drink for free every day

boyfriend!riki who hid that from the entire school besides you because he had a reputation to uphold

boyfriend!riki who took you to meet his parents three weeks into your relationship

boyfriend!riki who's sisters were the coolest people you had ever met

boyfriend!riki who's mom and dad treated you like a fourth child

boyfriend!riki who took his dog, bisco, to your house every night so you could take a walk together

boyfriend!riki who held your hand every time, even when he saw some of his friends at the park playing football

boyfriend!riki who just waved to them and kept listening to your story about your seventh grade teacher

boyfriend!riki who took you on your first real date to go see a meteor shower in the forest, renting an old pickup truck and putting a mattress and thick blackets in the back so you could lay there and make wishes on the shooting stars together

boyfriend!riki who turned his head to watch you as you pointed at the lights in the sky, admiring your beauty at night

boyfriend!riki who you noticed staring and turned to look at

boyfriend!riki who's first kiss was with you under the falling stars.

boyfriend!riki who didn't push more than that, respecting your boundaries

boyfriend!riki who fell asleep holding your hand on the mattress in the truck bed

boyfriend!riki who, for your first valentines day together, gave you a necklace with your and his initials engraved in tiny beads around a dainty chain

boyfriend!riki who put the necklace on for you, pulling your hair to the side, and almost crashed out when he saw your neck

boyfriend!riki who had to fight every urge not to kiss you there

boyfriend!riki who cheered the loudest when you received your diploma

boyfriend!riki who you cheered equally as loud for when he got his

boyfriend!riki who gave you the biggest hug ever when you threw your caps into the air

boyfriend!riki who kissed you hard in front of everyone

boyfriend!riki who didn't care about being nonchalant anymore

boyfriend!riki who threw an end of the year party for all the graduating 12th graders at your school

boyfriend!riki who knew his parents were going to be out of town that day

boyfriend!riki who was still a troublemaker and bribed his older sister to buy them beer by blackmail and a large sum of money

boyfriend!riki who you made promise you he wouldn't get drunk

boyfriend!riki who only had one sip of beer and realized it wasn't his thing

boyfriend!riki who lost control of the party and ran away to hide from it because it was too loud

boyfriend!riki who you found sitting on the edge of his bed, about to break down

boyfriend!riki who you sat next to and comforted until he felt better

boyfriend!riki who you helped clean up with the morning after the party

boyfriend!riki who ran as fast as he possibly could when he heard you scream from the backyard because you found one of his friends passed out on the patio table

boyfriend!riki who laughed about it later

boyfriend!riki who you hit on the shoulder because you actually thought the kid was dead

boyfriend!riki who always called you 'mom' when he was talking to bisco

boyfriend!riki who you started to really love

boyfriend!riki who had known he loved you since the night of your first date

boyfriend!riki who took you and bisco to the beach every week that summer

boyfriend!riki who always read books with you in the sand

boyfriend!riki who you took way too many pictures with every day

boyfriend!riki who you took to your house one day when your family went out of town

boyfriend!riki who wanted to be cool and confident, but was really just an anxious mess

boyfriend!riki who let you straddle his lap on your bed when he kissed you in absolute desire

boyfriend!riki who had kept a condom in his wallet for six months because he wanted to be ready when you were

boyfriend!riki who moaned every time you grinded against his dick

boyfriend!riki who flipped you over and took you in missionary for the first time, sliding his dick into your cunt with care

boyfriend!riki who praised you with almost every thrust, calling you beautiful and perfect

boyfriend!riki who hated that fucking condom

boyfriend!riki who powered through anyway, your sweet little moans the only thing keeping him in check

boyfriend!riki who begged for you to cum, just so he could feel your walls clench around his cock even harder

boyfriend!riki who kissed you when you did, his own seed spilling into the condom

boyfriend!riki who had no regrets

boyfriend!riki who you could never regret

boyfriend!riki who ended up proposing to you on your fourth anniversary, giving you a ring with a shooting star engraved on the inside of the band

husband!riki who never tried to be nonchalant again

ᯓ★˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗⊹ ₊

a.n- tysm for reading!!! this one was so cute to write omg where can i find a man like this ToT anyways taglist and asks are always open, and like/comment/reblog if you liked this fic!

heres my masterlist for more fics!

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yellowf1nch · 1 day ago

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Hmmm....

A very brief Hybrid!141 idea, but instead of predatory animals they are herbivores. Feel free to use if you are inspired (just credit).

Not doing intensive research on specific species, I'm still imagining animals found in north/northwestern Europe for the UK men and North American species for Roach who is being included in this thought.

Price: I think a bull of some kind. Used to taking a general leading position, used to living in a group and being the one to make decisions, but can also be, well, bullheaded. He probably would be a bull of one of those longer hair breeds, and a heavy hitter.

Ghost: I think for ghost, some kind of larger draft horse works very well. Very reliable for work, but can be incredibly difficult to work with "just because." Was thought many times he wouldn't make it out of something because of previous physical traumas but has managed to survive (whether he wants to or not). Would definitely pull pranks that involve his height.

Gaz: Gaz I know many associate him with birds, but I'd like to try something different and say a mountain/alpine goat (I know people would expect this for soap but I'm also breaking that expectation, at the cost of a piece of my heart). Crafty, decisive, but also a social species. Probably why he and Price get along so well.

Roach: Groundhog/woodchuck. Clever, food driven, and not really picky eaters. If you are a gardener and a groundhog shows up, you're in trouble. (I don't know roach's character that well aside from other people's characterizations). They make extensive tunnels to decimate your gardens.

Soap: At first, I put Soap as an alpine goat. But then, I thought what might be interesting would be a beaver hybrid. Always trying to build things, will definitely pick up random sticks off the ground to chew on just to watch people's reactions. Smacks people with his tail, and likes to challenge carnivorous hybrids on bite tests/bets his teeth are sharper than theirs.

And as a last tidbit, I'd like to see more masculine presenting reader fics (in general), whether it's a male!reader, transmasc or gender neutral, so:

If reader is an herbivore hybrid, I'm thinking a deer (because I love antlers) which could work for any size. For those wanting a larger/fatter frame, maybe wild pigs/boars. If reader is from a place that has them, hippos, rhinos, and various types of bison or buffalo work as well. Moose if you wanna go crazy. Maybe herbivore!reader in herbivore!141 is the truly all business kind of person, surrounded by guys who either want to break protocol because they can, or break it (frequently) because they "have to" (looking over my shoulder at John "War Crimes and a Cover Up" Price).

If reader is a carnivore, I'm sure most carnivorous species have been done by now for the 141 guys but badgers and wolverines, stoats, and other smaller types I haven't seen as much of (bears work (of course ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ). I think in this dynamic it would 100% lend itself to a Beastars kind of dynamic where the big herbivores get a kind of dominant streak/gratification over subduing (or trying to subdue) a carnivore.

#john price #john price x reader #141 x reader #soap x reader #john mactavish x reader #kyle gaz garrick #gaz x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #simon riley x reader #gary roach sanderson #roach cod #roach x reader #male reader #gender neutral reader

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humpster35 · 3 days ago

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The Summer I Met You

Toxic!Bf Matt x Soft!Blackgirl Reader

Part Two

|Contains: cheating, manipulation, slight physical abuse, alcohol and unprotected sex

The walk to the beach felt calming. I watched as the people passing by me all looked so consumed in their own thoughts. I wondered what they were thinking about? Did they feel this emotional after a comment? Do they love the ocean as much as I do?

After exhaling in and out, I finally reached my destination. It felt cold but in a way that made me feel at home. Growing up, back at home there wasn’t an ocean around or not too many beaches. But here…I feel so free. My body is laying in the sand, becoming one with it while the air blowing on my skin mimics my breathing. This is what I came here for, not him. I shouldn’t have slapped him.

In my head I knew what he said was wrong, but he had also been clearly drinking. Fuck. My conscious is guilty. Maybe if I had just ignored him i’d be in Chris’s room now. All you do is run away Y/n. It’s all you’ve known. You even ran away from your hometown. For what?

Sitting up, I looked straight ahead into the dark clouds. Everything was so blue, so deep. I wanted nothing more than to escape there. But I couldn’t, because this was reality and dreams don’t come true. I’m suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when I feel someone fall onto me.

“Hey-.” I started to say but then noticed how attractive the guy laying across my lap was.

“Shit. Sorry bout that.” He stood up and dusted off his blue shorts. He had brown hair, tan skin and the most gorgeous brown eyes i’ve ever seen.

I watch as he sticks his left hand out to greet me.

“Names Hamzah. I didn’t mean to fall on you.” He smiled showing all his teeth. The backwards hat on his head made some of his curls peak out as I took his hand and shook it.

“I’m Y/n. Also you’re fine, I was just uhm.” I looked straight ahead again as the wind blew in my curls.

Hamzah stuck his head forward and looked to where I was looking before looking back at me.

“You were what?”

Realizing how I zoned out I quickly composed myself and shook my head smiling.

“Nothing. Sorry-. I’m just here for the beach.”

“The beach? This your first time?” Hamzah picked up a volleyball that landed in the sand next to us. He only needed one hand to hold it. The bracelets around his wrist made me interested.

“What’s that?” I pointed to his wrist.

Hamzah looked down and smiled. He then brought his wrist up giving me permission to hold it.

“This.” He pointed to a beige colored bracelet that had the word “Martin.” written on it.

“This is a gift my friend gave me.Yea he’s an idiot sometimes and it was for a video.”

I nodded and then let go of his wrist. Oh so must be a youtuber also. I wouldn’t have known of him anyways, Nick told me that I should only watch their videos. But I never got around to it, due to working three jobs to save up money. Nick was the one who paid for my flight out here. I really am grateful for him.

“Oh it’s really cool.”

I sat back down and Hamzah sat next to me.

“Aren’t you gonna go finish the game?” I chuckled.

Hamzah smiled and threw the ball behind him.

“Nah. I think I wanna stare at this view a little longer.” I watched his eyes stare deep into mine. My heart was racing and I nodded.

“Yea I love the ocean too.” I spoke quietly now as the sky got even more darker, making only the street lights visible.

Hamzah stared at Y/n and observed the way her hair blew in the wind, the way her eyes steadied only on the chaotic waves and he let out a low laugh.

“Yea. I was talking about the ocean.”

Narrative Pov:

Hamzah grabbed y/n’s hand and pulled her to the ocean. They both shared a laugh as the waves hit the soles of their feet. The wind blowing hard made some water go into Hamzahs eye. As y/n laughed, Hamzah couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she was. The sky was turning into an intricate pink and purple color, highlighting y/n’s brown skin.

This is what she needed. Y/n needed to get her mind off of anything negative and just enjoy life. Hamzah was helping her do that and for that, she knew she could trust him. She grabbed his body, pulling him closer as a huge wave hit their right side in the background. Hamzah laughed hysterically and every other sound in the world became mute.

After being in the water for ten minutes, the pair walked back to the beach. The pink and purple had disappeared and in came the night sky. Y/n sat next to Hamzah and looked back into the ocean. It was like she was observing the place they had been.

It was a comforting silence between the two as they watched the waves clash into the rocks. The wind blew harder which made Y/n shiver.

“Hey do you want my hoodie?” Hamzah asked while already taking it off.

Y/n looked at him and nodded. She didn’t think anything of it and just thought that he was being nice.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Hamzah smiled softly at her and put an arm around her. Y/n let him and the pair stayed liked this for awhile until Y/n got a text.

unknown number

~where are you?

Y/n Pov:

Who was this? I just bought this phone and only gave my number to Nick. Could it be him? After looking at my phone screen I watched as the number started typing again

unknown number is typing……..

~look just tell me where you are. Nick told me to come pick you up

Hamzah looked at me concerned. I awkwardly smiled at him.

“Will you excuse me for a moment?”

I got up, still wearing his hoodie and got ready to call whoever this was.

Phone call:

Y/n~ Hello?

UN~ Yea? Where the hell are you, Nicks worried. I told him what happened

I paused in my tracks hearing Chris’s voice. I had ran away without even telling Nick I was going out. Was he gonna be mad at me? Shit. I better get home now.

Y/n~ Oh fuck. I’m sorry Chris. Yea I just came to the beach and I didn’t mean to slap Matt—.

Chris~ It’s okay. He’s not even mad. What he said was wrong and I should’ve stuck up for you

It got silent for a minute

Chris~ Please come home. Nick misses you

Y/n~ I know and i’m sorry if I made him upset.

Chris~ I…I also miss you

Y/n~…….

Chris~…….

Hamzah stands up and walks next to me. He smiles at me and takes some sand out of my hair. I muttered a quiet “thank you”

Y/n~ Okay well i’m on the way there.

Chris~ It’s dark outside I’ll pick you up-.

Y/n~No no you don’t have to do that

Chris~ How will you get back then?

Hamzah grabbed my phone and held it up to his ear before speaking.

Hamzah~ Hi. I just met Y/n but I can assure you that she will get there safely

Chris~……Who the fuck are you?

Hamzah~ I’m her friend…I think?

Laughing in the background, I nodded at him and then took the phone back.

Y/n~ Chris okay i’ll be there in like 10

Chris~ Okay.

End of Call

Y/n’s PoV

Ohmygod that was so amazing. I never thought that I would meet anyone else besides Nicks friends. But I guess L.A has more to offer than just mopey sad guys and pollution. After saying my goodbyes to Hamzah, because I decided to just walk back, I watched a car pull up.

Thinking nothing of it, I continued walking up the hill almost reaching the docks to head home. I walked about three steps until I hear a car horn blaring.

“Get in the car.”

My body froze. I knew exactly whose voice that was. What was he doing here? How did he even know I would be here? Why was he picking me up and not Chris? Then I remembered I asked Chris not to come get me.

Narrative PoV:

Matt got out of his car and walked to y/n. He noticed she was now wearing a dark blue hoodie that obviously didn’t belong to her. It fit loosely on her small frame. His eyes never left hers and he simply grabbed her by the wrist and started walking with her, back to the car.

Y/n’s PoV:

I stopped walking.

“Wait Matt.”

I watched him turn around. His hand was still holding my wrist in it as delicately as possible. For some reason I thought he would be much rougher with me, but he wasn’t.

“Why did you stop walking?” Matt’s voice was low and he didn’t smell like alcohol anymore. He clearly had showered and got himself ready to come and get me. But why?

“I wanted to say i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you, that’s not like me.” My voice came out shakily and I anxiously played with the strings of Hamzahs hoodie.

Matt noticed this and scoffed to himself. I felt as he let go of my wrist and run a hand through his brown hair.

“I didn’t even feel it. Now let’s go before Nick starts an amber alert.”

I laughed and nodded. Matt smiled softly at me and we both finished walking to the car. Once inside to my surprise, was a girl with tannish skin and long brown hair. She was beautiful.

Matt looked back at me in the backseat and smirked.

“Oh right. This is Madison. You two havent met right?” His voice was cocky and obnoxious as I watch him pull out a piece of gum from the front of his car. There was a pack of condoms visible also.

Madison smiled softly at me before speaking.

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you. Matt told me he had to pick up Nicks little friend. That must be you right?”

Her eyes shot daggers at me but her tone was soft which left me confused. Sending her a simple nod, Matt started driving home. During the whole car ride, I watched as Matt’s hand would rest on the high part of Madison’s thigh and she would bite her lips at him.

I don’t know why this bothered me so much, but I just turned my attention back outside of the window. The speed at which Matt drove was intoxicating. It’s the perfect amount of slow and fast. I liked whenever he went over a bump, he would let out a low “shit.” This made my body heat up. I had to let these thoughts go though, I glanced back to the couple in front of me and saw Matt’s eyes already looking at me from the mirror.

“Y/n when you get here you go to the room on the right. That’s the room you’ll be staying in.” Matt spoke with authority and clearness. The red light we were at felt like it lasted for an hour. Meanwhile, Madison applied more lipstick and fixed her dress.

“Okay.” I quietly said and felt Matt’s hand rub my knee. He smiled softly at me before turning his attention to Madison and kissing her. While his hand was still on my knee.

Feeling uncomfortable and awkward I try to move Matt’s hand away but he just keeps it there and when Madison moves to kiss his neck he says “good girl.” But he was staring at me the whole time.

“Matt can you guys do that when i’m out of the car?”

Matt rolled his eyes and removed his hand from my knee.

“Don’t be such a prude y/n. Have you never seen someone kiss before?” This causes Madison to giggle and me to blush. I looked down at my lap and thought about Hamzah. Did I wanna kiss him?

Matt noticed this and clenched his jaw. It’s like he knew how to get in my mind. He continued driving until he finally arrived to the apartment.

“We’re here. You can get out now.” Matt blankly spoke as he looked straight ahead.

I didn’t even respond to him, I got out and slammed the door. Hearing Matt’s car pull off I sigh and got ready to open the door.

tag list:

@mattsweethart @mattspillowprincess @hannahsturniolo @chrissonnyangel @bluestriips @billieslittlecumslut @bernardsbendystraws @passionfruitchris @kenah-sturniolo @liaisbroke @lyingonchris @lifecansmd @mattsgirl23 @riggysworld

part one

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zexapher · 1 day ago

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Sad Weiss Diary - The Heiress Doth Protest

Day 13 of our Sad Weiss Diary and White Knight Month brings us the second day of White Knight Week, Knightmare Nights.

Weiss protests perhaps a tad too much, when confronted with the... suspicious implications of her Knightmare.

Why indeed does Dream Pyrrha take on so many of Weiss's aspects? Wind up taking care of a bunch of cute Schnee children with Jaune? And why was Jaune locked in Weiss's prison of precious things that we know she likes? And more and more! So many curious questions, why not contemplate a few while reading this little analysis of it I made the other day?

Another round of thanks to Akumu Oukoku for their edit, couldn't do all this without them!

Tomorrow's Haven House, be sure to check back in for more Sad Weiss Diary! Keep up with White Knight Week, and maybe put a little something together yourself!

And for the interested, I wrote up a nice little oneshot for yesterday's Beacon Bits prompt, called Heart to Heart. It's a quick read, so feel free to give it a chance.

As always, take a look at the collection I'm putting together for the Sad Weiss Diary, you may have missed an entry or two!

Sad Weiss Diary Collection!

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gabbyscribbles · 1 day ago

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Risky Pleasures

Ok I couldn’t pick who I wanted to start with so I randomly chose Choso.

Summary: Seeing you walking into his massage parlor, Choso is instantly attracted to you. Nobody would mind if he indulged in a little bit of selfish pleasure…right?

Imagine Choso as your masseuse, he sees you walking in up to the receptionist and is interested immediately, he prays that you’ll be coming to him. Imagine his relief when he saw you walking into his assigned room, you looked so good, you had on a mid-thigh skirt and an inside shirt with a buttoned up vest. Your boho braids were swept to the side leaving your beautiful face in sight. Lastly, your shoes were platform heels with socks. You smelt divine, it's as if your perfume infected his brain and turned him into a zombie hooked on you. He couldn’t help but be turned on.

“H-hello I’m Choso and I’ll..um.. be your masseuse for today” his voice shakes as he speaks and he quickly attempts to regain his professionalism. You flash him a grin that shows all your shiny white teeth, a beautiful sight against your glowing dark skin. “Hey..” You take a second to read the name on his tag. “Choso..I’ve been having some absolutely terrible pain in my lower back, can you come fix it for me” your sweet smile melts into a pout. Choso doesn’t miss what you’re insinuating but he reallyyy wants to keep his job. He can’t go back to eating 1 dollar noodles cause he’s gotta save to pay his rent. But at the same time…

Choso blinks and all of a sudden you’re on top of him. No memory of moving, no thought in his head, just your weight, your hear and your scent fogging his senses like a drug. His back is on the bed provided by the massage parlor, his heart racing while beads of sweat dribble down his face. His employee shirt has a few buttons loose while his pants are lowered just enough for you to have access to his cock. You start stroking him softly, just enough to get the right amount of precum so he can slide inside you easier. You place one hand on his shoulder and the other is on his cock, softly guiding him into your pussy.

After you put his tip inside you Choso starts gasping for air, his heart beats faster. You put your lips to his to shut him up, moaning softly while biting his lip. He eagerly reciprocates as you take the moment to stick your tongue deep down his throat. You break the kiss, giving him little pecks to make him cease whining. You then gently ease yourself down onto his cock until his tip pushes against your cervix. Then you start gently rocking front to back, getting yourself ready to start bouncing on him. You then squat over him and start bouncing.

Choso is immediately transfixed with your tits, leaning forward to stick one of your soft nipples into his mouth and begins to suck it. He makes sure to pay attention to them both, using his tongue to rub your nipples while he sucks. You remove your hand from his cock and place it on his other shoulder as you continue to bounce. His eyes began to sprout tears as he resumed his whining, he was so close, he just needed a bit more friction. He moved his hands from the bedsheets and placed them on your hips. He began lifting you and fucking up into you in a seamless rhythm.

This took you off guard, the endless loop causing you to zone out as you lost your grip on his shoulders basically sitting limp in his lap. Choso himself was still crying, overcome with intense pleasure. He pushed up suddenly into you as he felt lightning crackling up his spine causing the entire top half of his body to break out in shivers. With a few sloppy thrusts he finally came, feeling the heat of his cum spring from his immediately softening cock.

You were still motionless on his lap as you felt the warm heat of his cum enter you bare. Each splotch of cum was hotter than the last, searing your overrun pussy. He filled you to the brim, his cum spread underneath your thighs and over his attaching you to each other, He had stopped crying, finally free from the pressure in his cock. He saw that you were rendered immobile and decided to help you finish himself.

He moved one of his hands from your hip and slowly, teasingly brought it down to your clit. He made sure to rub softly to bring you to the edge. You felt it coming, it was electric, biting through your thighs making them shake. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as his fingers rubbed your clit, making you cum. Only then did you begin moving, shifting your hips forward and back to help relieve some of the pleasure.

Choso felt your cum drip down to his thighs and he stopped looking at you to look down at the mess you two made. He then nervously chuckled “Hehe..um..how was that for you?” “It was…ok” You weren’t the type of person to pause in conversations but looking at Choso and how hesitant he seemed, like a lost puppy looking to trust someone.

After a few moments of silence Choso speaks up “W-would you want to..uhh..go out with me sometime?” Your heart skipped a beat and you paused for a few seconds making Choso think he was getting rejected. Just as he was about to speak up you replied “Yeah, that wouldn’t be too bad, put your number in my phone and I’ll text you when I want to.” It was a weak attempt to come off as nonchalant but Choso could see right through you. Especially since neither of you had moved and his cum was still very much deep inside you.

Choso grins in success.

Alright first one down, hopefully more to go. Who should I do next?

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tryandbehappy · 2 days ago

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Not a question, just a comment about the latest episode. I feel like the B&TB storyline is probably not gonna happen now? I say this because I think Rose and the baby will die (based upon them eating the Ketamine cake), which leaves us more with a June-feels-guilt-and-realizes-she's-just-as-bad-as-Nick storyline. I don't like this storyline as much because it feels like it comes from a place of guilt for June rather than a place of love and protection. I really wanted her to save him from an angry mob and to accept him fully without having to kill his wife and baby to come to that realization. I'm also sorta mad that June was fine to just let Nick and Rose eat the cake - as if she didn't care a bit about them. Either way, there is SO MUCH ground to cover in the next 2 episodes and I'm getting worried our Osblaine moments will be super limited. Thoughts??

That’s interesting, let’s talk

1. So, is the Beauty and the Beast parallel off the table now?

Honestly, this is such an interesting question because, yeah at this point, it’s really hard to predict where the writers are taking this. It feels like they’ve already built a solid Beauty and the Beast foundation, that symbolism is clearly there. But where it all leads — who knows?

The one thing that surprised me (and maybe even lowkey reassured me?) is that they didn’t take Nick any further with this arc (I’m not good without her), not yet at least . And maybe that’s for the best.

It doesn’t mean they won’t keep using elements from that storyline though, there are a lot of those.

The main takeaway is: the parallel still exists. Just not sure yet what they’ll do with it next.

2. Will Rose die from the cake and make June feel like she’s just as “bad” as Nick?

I’m not so sure about that either. Like… how would ketamine hurt her if it didn’t really affect anyone else? Just because she’s pregnant? I’m kind of skeptical about this storyline, but okay — maybe they’ll explain it that way.

From a narrative perspective, yeah, it would make sense to get Rose (and the baby) out of the picture. She’s extra baggage for Nick right now, tying him to Gilead and making him less free to move forward. And since we’re heading toward the finale, it feels like we’re getting rid of everything that holds him back.

But honestly? I feel like that “I’m not innocent and good as Nick hinted” arc already happened — in this very same episode. The moment June stabbed Commander Bell in the eye and watched him suffer before he died? That was it.

(But okay, maybe that’s just me as a fangirl seeing what Nick said in literally every one of her reactions.)

And right after that, we saw June turn kinda soft again — going to Aunt Lydia, trying to solve things peacefully, talking instead of killing. So yeah, maybe that monster arc is already complete? I don’t know if they’ll go back to it through Rose’s storyline… it’s possible, but I’m not convinced.

3. June didn’t warn Nick about the drugged cake — does that mean she doesn’t care?

Honestly, I don’t think this was that serious. It was just a sleeping drug — and it didn’t even fully knock Bell out. So it clearly wasn’t dangerous, at least not to him.

What actually stood out to me was how much focus there was on June’s reaction to Nick. It was unreal. Like, if you think about it — this episode wasn’t about Nick and June at all, and yet? They still gave us so much. They didn’t show Nick’s side, they showed him through her eyes — how it hurt her to see him with his wife, hearing the vows?? how she wanted to go to him

There was so much focus on that, it blew my mind.

What bothered me more, honestly, was that they showed Nick looking… almost happy. At peace, even? Which doesn’t track at all with where he should be emotionally. Like, we know this man is destroyed inside. He’s depressed. He’s barely holding on. We know this character. So to see him smiling on stage, being all casual with Rose — it felt off.

But maybe that’s just how June sees him now. Maybe that was the point she’s watching him from across the room and thinking: “He’s fine. He has a wife and a baby. He’s happy without me😭😭

And that hurts. Because for so long, she’s only seen his loyalty. And now it feels like that’s gone for her

4. There’s not enough time left for their arc, is there?

Actually… I think there is. If you look at it closely, most of the other storylines are already wrapped up. Let’s list them:

• Aunt Lydia’s arc? Done.

• Janine’s? Resolved.

• The revolution? Pretty much happened kinda — they wiped out almost every commander in one episode.

• Luke? Yeah, maybe not officially over, but they’ve said it a hundred times this season: they’re a broken family staying together for Hannah. That’s their entire dynamic now. And you can really feel the difference if you compare it to earlier seasons. I just rewatched S5, and back then it wasn’t nearly this clear that June and Luke were done. But now it’s obvious.

And they’ve told us — over and over again — that June loves Nick.

Nick knows it too.

So what’s left?

Two full episodes to finally close the one major arc that’s still open: June and Nick.

We still have Serena floating around, yeah, but even that feels like her arc is wrapping up. So really — this show has time. Especially if you think about how much they’ve crammed into Episodes 9 and 10 in past seasons. Like, S4? They gave us SO much Nick and June in those last two episodes it felt like a fanfic dream.

And here’s what I’ve noticed: the writers don’t like to go too dark.

They haven’t done anything near Game of Thrones level. If you look at major character deaths, we’ve only lost Fred (who was clearly a villain), and that’s it?? That’s it.

They’re giving even the evil characters redemption arcs — Lydia, Serena.

And Nick? He hasn’t even done anything that really needs redeeming. He’s just still part of the system, and his arc is clearly about waking up and choosing something better.

Another arc that still needs resolution?

The idea that not all commanders are monsters.

We even saw this theme play out in this episode, when Serena tells her husband:

“You’re a bad person because you’re a commander.”

It’s not even about specific actions anymore. The title itself = monster. (Of course he is a monster no doubt)

But that’s the label Nick is carrying.

Even though he’s never had a handmaid, and he never would. He’s never raped anyone. He’s not like them.

(Also Hannah’s arc is not resolved)

So yeah, I think we still have enough time. enough to finally give us what we’ve been waiting for:

That moment where June says, loud and clear, it’s you. only you.

#osblaine #nick june

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angelcake10023 · 2 days ago

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Rambling about Loid in Code:White ✨ ❤️

I wanted to make just a rant post about this even though I’m kinda late to the party, and this had probably already been done already lol. But I can’t help myself, it’s the voices I’m afraid

To start I want to say I watched the full movie during the beginning of my interest peaking, but haven’t watched the full thing all the way through since. Just lots of skipping to parts I like the most lol. So feel free to ignore me if I say something obvious or wrong lol

Prepare for a lot of rambling lol (also this is based off the English dub)

Loid’s Thoughts

I wanted to start on this because it really intrigued me. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t notice many instances of Loid’s thoughts spiraling out of control in the movie like they do more often in the show. Usually he’s stressing about his family and his mission especially when they’re acting abnormal, like Yor was for most of the first half. We don’t even hear him panicking about misreading the situation when Yor slaps him out of the Ferris Wheel

It’s doubly interesting when it’s paired with what his problem catalyst was at the start of the movie. Anya’s is the he dessert and keeping her family together, Yor’s is stressing about Loid’s possible infidelity, and Loid’s is the fact that he might be replaced for operation Strix. Since we barely get a look into his thoughts, it’s hard to discern exactly how he feels about this- but I think with some progression in the story we see it play out in a more subtle way because of it

Loid’s Ego

Another scene that becomes interesting because of lack of insight into Loid’s thoughts is the Cafe scene where he’s challenged to a game in exchange for the Meremere. Twilight is greatest spy is Westalis and hardly loses any challenge put his way especially when it comes to knowledge. So it’s surprising when he loses, not because of his lack of knowledge but his lack of specifics.

He names the types of sugars, but not how much of each. Twilight has never taken loss well in other instances, especially in areas like this. This is usually where we’d get an earful or self degradation in his mind about getting sloppy or lax with his judgements.

But instead all we get is silence, just a shot of Loid sitting forlornly at the table in defeat.

Though not outright stated, I think it’s safe to assume this is another pin in his stakes for this movie. First the threat of being replaced, and now losing a game he should’ve easily won (he thinks). Without having to hear it, it’s easy to assume he has doubts he’s fit to carry out operation Strix.

Even as the scene quickly moves on, you can take this assumption going further

Loid’s Anxiety

For the rest of the movie we see Loid continuously trying to go it alone. Rushing off to gather ingredients for the Meremere, leaving in the night in search of the Cherry Liquor by any means necessary, going off in the plane to rescue Anya alone (to his knowledge).

It all furthers the narrative of Loid being in his own head despite us not seeing it. It’s safe to assume he feels inadequate at his job, as a father, and as a husband. And in true Twilight fashion tries to make up for it by shouldering way too much. It’s not until Yor requests they go in search of the Liquor together does he slow down and lessen the pressure on himself. At least until they realize Anya is missing and again attempts to go it alone to save her.

Which all culminates into the intense and heart warming moments where they all work together to turn the blimps wheel- but before I talk about that I want to mention something before

Loid’s Concern

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Loid finally gets to Anya and they and quickly runs to embrace him. Loid doesn’t return it, but he does ask quietly if she’s alright- in a way you can just feel the tension leave his body.

As soon as he realizes she ran off to find the Cherry Liquor he smiles at her and er hear the mind reading track. Except his thoughts are kept a secret from everyone but Anya, who smiled genuinely back.

This also happens when Anya accuses her parents of flirting earlier in the movie

My theory as to why this happens this way is for continuity. It may be delusional, but I believe both these moments showcase genuine love being expressed in their minds. To levels that might not match with where the characters are at in canon.

Which makes the moment all the more sweet, imagining what Loid could be thinking so genuinely about his daughter. After realizing the lengths she went to try to ease his own burdens. I think he’s genuinely proud and touched and can’t keep himself from thinking it.

Loid’s Burdens

Loid doesnt like shouldering things onto other people. He works alone physically and mentally. Not necessarily because of an overinflated ego, but because he believes burdening himself is the only way he can live. Even when the blimp is burning and crashing towards the ground, he strains and struggles to turn the wheel all on his own, even as rubble rains down on top of him, he takes those burdens too.

It’s when his family comes to his aid that he realizes just how less the burdens weigh on him when it’s not just him shouldering them. How some things can only be done when there’s multiple people to handle the load. And it’s the only way they’re able to make it out unscathed and laughing despite everything

Anyway eurugughfhfh I’m normal. Sorry I’m not beta reading this you get my insane ramblings

#I swear to god I put tags on here #spy x family #spy family #sfx #discussion #loid forger #anya forger #yor forger #forger family #twilight #movie #code: white #rambling #silly #not beta read

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kyoshithewriter · 2 days ago

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The Missing Piece. (Part one)

Summary: In which a nanny brings a family back together.

Warnings: There will be angst, family struggles, mentions of depression, smut (18+)

A/n: And we know I love a good cliche and I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to write about this absolute DILF loool. I don’t intend to make this a lengthy series but let’s see where this goes. Enjoy.

“Single divorced dad needs a nanny. Competitive salary. If interested, call the number below.

************”

Simple. Straight to the point. Niamh eyes the ad in the paper torn between suspicion and hopeful optimism. There’s finally an advertisement for a job that does not require a completed degree or at least five years of experience. But it just seems so sketchy; like a trap by a lonely, old man to chain some poor, desperate person in their basement. It wouldn’t hurt to at least call, right?’ Her eyes drift over to the “past due” sign that her landlord had hung on her front door in a petty attempt to publicly embarrass her. Niamh has been out of work for a little over two months now; the small coffee shop a few minutes away having to let her go regrettably due to how slow business was. Even with the job, it was a struggle to make ends meet; the meager salary barely covered rent, food and her university expenses. Some days she would have to be satisfied with only eating once and be grateful for it. But life has been showing her recently that things can always get worse. Niamh has hit lower than rock bottom. She’s close to being evicted and dropping out of school to roam the streets of Cheshire aimlessly. With that thought, she sucks in a deep breath then empties her lungs completely before dialing the number. Niamh stands to pace in her small, cramped apartment as the line keeps ringing.

A deep, honeyed voice cuts in on the fourth ring;

“Hello.”

Niamh runs into the small coffee table out of surprise. She squeezes her eyes shut, taking a deep breath so she doesn’t curse out loud.

“Um, hi. I um… I saw an ad for a nanny?” The words sound like they were squeezed from her body. She clears her throat to compose herself.

“Oh, yes!” The person on the other end sounds like a kid in a candy store.

“When can you come in for an interview?”

“I’m available on weekdays after 2 pm and free all weekend.”

“So 2:30 tomorrow is fine, right? Sorry if it’s rushed but we’re desperate.” The person admits almost bashfully.

“I understand and yes, 2:30 tomorrow works.” Niamh tries to squash the hope blossoming in her chest.

“Good! I’ll text you the address. I look forward to meeting you… what was your name again?”

“Niamh.” She quickly supplies.

“Niamh, I’m Ivy. I’ll text you that address now. Talk soon.”

The woman hangs up as soon as she mutters a shy goodbye. A notification comes in a minute later- a message with the address. Niamh’s breath hitches; she recognizes it as the wealthiest part of town. Only actual celebrities and CEOs can afford to live there. She tries to physically shake the intimidation that threatens to creep in. But as the evening progresses, her chest gets tighter, her breaths are faster and her legs become more restless.

************

The autumn wind picks up and Niamh fears she might actually pass out in the middle of the almost abandoned street. Anxiety is already rattling her to her very bones and the cold doesn’t help. Even just existing in a place like this feels odd. The huge gated community is filled with modern- looking mansions with a variety of luxury cars visible in the front yards or opened garage doors. She cuddles further into her knitted, yellow sweater, trying her best to keep her eyes forward in fear of raising suspicion. For all she knows she may still be walking into a trap; they could possibly lock her away in their basement or harvest her organs or something. ‘At least no one will miss you,’ the nagging voice that she fights hard to blot out whispers in her head. Niamh had put a face to her intrusive thoughts— she imagines it’s a shadow with blood, red slanted eyes and a sinister grin. Some days it’s easy to ignore the monster lurking in the deepest crevice of her mind, waiting for a moment of vulnerability to wreak havoc. On other days, like today with her anxiety already sky high, it wins just long enough to remind her that her entire existence feels pathetic: just an estranged family and no real friends; struggling financially, mentally and even socially. She needs a break. Staring at her phone, Niamh realizes she has apparently reached her destination. The house looks three stories high; the outside is made up of grey bricks with black accents around the roof and windows. The garage doors are also a cool, matte black. The lawn is well kept with a smattering of brown and orange leaves from the small tree out front. Niamh closes her gaping mouth to inhale a greedy breath before walking up to the porch. The door is swung open just as she raises a fist to knock. There stands an older woman, about 5”2, plump and dark skinned with thick locs piled high on top of her head inside a tye-dye head wrap. She beams up at Niamh’s 5”6 frame, showing off the small gap between her front teeth. Niamh has never met this woman, yet she already feels like she’d trust her with her life.

“You must be Niamh, I’m Ivy. Come on in, sweet child.”

Niamh returns her smile easily as she steps into the foyer of the grand house. The inside is painted a cool shade of white with wooden accents to match the floor and stairs.

“You have a beautiful home.” She doesn’t even attempt to hide that she’s awestruck.

“It is beautiful, but not mine, unfortunately. I’m just a cook here. Look…”

Ivy trails off. Niamh can physically see the wheels in her head turning as she stares past her shoulders. Contemplating.

“Let’s have a seat in the kitchen. I just baked the fudgiest brownie for the kids, I’ll slip you a piece while we talk.” Ivy grasps one of her hands gently and leads to her left down a short hallway until they enter the spacious, modern kitchen. The woman gestures toward one of the wooden stools around the island and Niamh obediently takes a seat.

“Look, this… job opportunity was borne out of an unfortunate situation. The… man of the house, he got divorced a few months ago. He’s a very wealthy, important man. An athlete. The separation was already heavy but it was easy for him to feign normalcy because he was still doing what he loves— playing football.” Ivy pauses to swallow as she dishes a thick slice of brownie on a small, white porcelain saucer. She walks back in her direction and carefully places it down in front of Niamh with a small fork. Ivy turns to the stainless steel, double door fridge to retrieve a bottle of water and places it before her too.

“Thank you.” She whispers gratefully— the tuna sandwich she had for breakfast already feeling like a distant memory.

“You’re welcome, dear.”

Ivy’s smile is content as she watches her eat; like the mere action brings her joy.

“Anyway, two months ago he got injured. A bad one; he tore his ACL and is set to be sidelined for almost a year. It has been… yea. He’s almost like a ghost in this house. He stays locked away in his room or office and only slips through the backdoor early in the mornings when he has to attend his rehabilitation sessions. He doesn’t even spend time with the children anymore.” Ivy sighs heavily and suddenly, Niamh is aware of every wrinkle on her face.

“I had to take up the responsibility of being their nanny and the cook recently. And he compensates me well, don’t get me wrong— but I also have grandchildren of my own who I solely care for because my daughter is studying abroad. I can’t spend all my time here when they need me. It’s too much. So I finally got him to agree to search for a nanny.”

Niamh licks at the chocolate on her lips as she processes the information. Whoever this man is, her heart aches for him and his children as well.

“So what about their mother? Is she just not in the picture anymore at all?”

“She is, but she moved back home to the Netherlands; they’re both Dutch. They thought it best to not just uproot the children from their lives here— they attend school, all their extracurricular activities, it’s all here. They do visit on breaks but they adore their father, they all wish to stay with him. It’s nothing short of heartbreaking to see them longing for him recently. They miss him and he’s… just upstairs.” The frown on the woman’s mouth deepens.

“Well I, I hope I can help— if I get the job of course!” Heat burns beneath the surface of her brown skin.

“Speaking of! I’m sure you brought your qualifications along, yes?”

“Uh, yea. Of course.” Niamh slides the large envelope that’s now a bit wrinkled from how tightly she was clutching it on her journey to the house.

Ivy reaches for it and begins scanning the papers quickly with her eyes.

“Third year nursing student with excellent grades, so you’ll know how to react in case of health emergencies and you can do CPR, correct?”

Niamh nods her head quickly. “That’s correct.”

“Experience working at the library and cafés. Do you have any experience with children?”

“I um-” Niamh hesitates, wondering if opening that can of worms is worth the job. One thought of her empty fridge in her soon to be ‘kicked out of apartment’ is enough to answer the question.

“I grew up in the foster system and I would always be tasked to take care of the younger ones. The last family that had me until I was 18 still calls me to babysit for them a few times. So yes, I have experience with taking care of children, especially ages 3-11.” Niamh wrings her hands in her lap.

Ivy rounds the island and hugs her into her ample bosom, patting at her big mass of black curls.

“You’re hired, you sweet little thing.”

Niamh swallows around the lump in her throat, urging herself to not cry as she melts in Ivy’s embrace.

“Thank you.”

Ivy takes a minute just to hold her and Niamh enjoys every second; she was never offered a lot of affection growing up.

The woman gingerly releases her hold on her and steps back a bit.

“Oh, um. A part of the job description will require you to sleep over three nights a week: Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Shelly, the eldest of the three, has really early swimming lessons on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays so you’ll need to be up to help her get ready. I had to be waking up at 4:30am to get here on time and I’m old and need sleep. That won’t do.”

Niamh can’t help but laugh but she nods easily. Who wouldn’t want to sleep in a house like this?

“The kids: Shelly, Aurora and Mason are 9, 7 and 5 respectively. They’re usually dropped off by their driver at 4:30 pm in the afternoons. Shelly, on the days I told you she has synchronized swimming lessons, is picked up at 6 am sharp. On the other days it’s 7:30 am like the other two. I’ll give you the contact information of their driver later. They have no major food allergies, but Mason gets mild headaches after having dairy sometimes. I meal prep their breakfast in the evenings but you know how kids are; sometimes they’ll just want something else so you may have to make breakfast some mornings you’re here after sleeping over but I promise that’s all the cooking you’ll do here. We’re not looking to burden you.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“Your main duties will be helping with homework, getting them ready for school or any extracurricular activities, accompanying them to appointments, helping the younger ones with the bathroom if they aren’t feeling particularly independent on some days, reminding them to brush their teeth, do the girls’ hair, putting them to bed and just making them feel… cared for. They need it.”

Niamh’s heart feels a bit heavy but she nods.

“Good. Their bedtime is 8 pm sharp, and yes, that includes Shelly; no matter what she tries to tell you. On the days you aren’t sleeping over, after you‘ve put them to bed just give a firm knock on his bedroom door and yell that you’re on your way out. He’ll… handle the rest throughout the night. He has cameras everywhere, except the bathrooms and bedrooms— so he’s always quietly observing. He loves them and their safety is his number one priority. He's just… going through a lot right now.”

Ivy picks up the now empty plate and carries it over to the sink.

“Is he here now?” Niamh fights the urge to scan the room for cameras as she whispers the question to Ivy.

“No. I only know because his favourite car is missing from the garage. But on some days his driver takes him and you’ll be left wondering. You never really know.”

The few minutes of silence as Ivy washes up a few dishes in the sink gives her some time to think. This comes with a lot of responsibility; the children could be a handful, they could also simply not like her. What if even their father disapproves?

“Um, is it okay if I asked what his name is?” Niamh asks shyly.

“Oh yes. Virgil. Virgil van dijk. I don’t know how familiar you are with football but he’s very well known.”

And the name does sound familiar even though she really doesn’t follow the sport that closely. She can’t place a face to it though but that’s nothing a little google search can’t fix.

“I’ve heard the name before but I don’t follow the sport closely.” She admits bashfully.

“No worries, Niamh. Hopefully, he’ll start coming around again for you to properly meet him. He’s a lovely man.”

Niamh returns her small smile as she untwists the cap on the bottle.

“I should also stress the importance of privacy, Niamh. He valued his privacy even when things were going well. He doesn’t force his family into the spotlight and keeps a lot of himself hidden. Now, it’s even worse. I beg you don’t betray his trust and bring anything that happens under this roof to anyone outside. Not even your friends.” Ivy warns.

Niamh wants to assure the woman that she doesn’t even have friends, instead, she responds.

“I swear I won’t.” She hopes Ivy hears the sincerity and solemnity in her voice. The woman must be convinced because she nods and offers a small smile.

“Oh! In terms of salary; it’s five days a week, the starting rate is £1,000 a day, £1,500 for the days you spend the night. That may increase over time based on your performance and the children’s feelings toward you.”

Niamh chokes on the cool water sliding down her throat, sputtering all over herself and the kitchen island.

Ivy rushes to her side, soapy hands slapping at her back.

“Are you okay?!” The woman’s voice is a little panicked.

Niamh, teary eyed, offers the woman a nod as her brain takes it time to start functioning again.

“I just- never expec— a lot of money.” She finishes simply through her wheezing.

Ivy exhales a relieved breath before laughing softly.

“I said the salary was competitive in that ad, didn’t I? Makes me wonder why you were the only caller.” Ivy wonders with a frown.

“I mean, it did seem a little sketchy. Barely any details as well.”

“Hm. You’re right. Oh well, it led you here and I already have a good feeling about you. Come, let me give you a tour of the house.”

**********

The house has six bedrooms total— one Virgil had turned into his office. Each bedroom, except the ones belonging to the two younger kids, has an en-suite bathroom; the little ones both share the bathroom in the hallway across from them.

“Their schedules are printed out and hung in their rooms. Oh! And the house maid comes in on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays to clean and do laundry.”

Niamh nods, trying to soak up all the information like a sponge.

“Now this is the guest bedroom.” Ivy opens the first door on the east wing of the house. The inside is spacious and sparsely decorated; just a queen size bed with lavender sheets, a vanity and an empty walk in closet. She follows Ivy who steps further into the room and opens the door to their right to the clean en-suite bathroom.

“This house is lovely.” Niamh is sure she has said it at least twenty times already but she’s still mesmerized by it.

“It truly is.”

They both exit the room, but Ivy pauses in the hallway.

Two mahogany doors face each other on opposite sides of the hallway further down.

“And this is where your tour ends. Those doors are off limits.”

She immediately knows that they’re his bedroom and office space. ‘Why does an athlete need an office space, anyway?’ Niamh bites her lip to contain the question that’s burning at the tip of her tongue.

“You knock on the door to your left only for emergencies; so when you’re leaving work like we discussed or if something is terribly wrong with one of the kids. Though, he’d probably know by the time you got here.”

Right. The cameras. “Silently observing.”

A shiver races up her spine at the thought of always being under his scrutiny. Niamh stares at the doors that seem to be more intimidating than the many others in the house even though they all look the same.

“So, any questions?”

Ivy’s voice brings her focus back to the shorter woman who grins up at her.

“Um, not right now.”

“Good! I’m going to get started on dinner. Make yourself comfortable in the living room until the children get here. You’ll officially start tomorrow but it wouldn’t hurt to meet them.”

Niamh nods but her heart immediately starts racing as if she got shot up with a high dose of adrenaline. If for whatever reason they don’t like her, she can kiss this job that she so desperately needs goodbye. Niamh tries and fails to swallow around the fist- sized lump in her throat. Who knew that children could be intimidating?

#football #black woman #football fanfic #virgil van dijk x black reader #virgil van dijk x reader #virgil van dijk #lfc

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