#so if the news isn’t talking about specific who is being killed. or just CAN’T talk about who specifically is being killed

[florshedworf]

oh just 34,000+ killed huh. no division between civilians and militants huh.

[starlooove]

Whoever said batfam was getting too chummy ur right. I want them to stop being happy now sorry

[prettyinsophie]

burning desire

Synopsis: With Abby away at some party and your body aching and asking for release, you can’t help but touch yourself while pretending it’s your roommate.

warnings: top abby x virgin (lowkey loser) reader, fingering (r receiving), mentions of strap, squirting, r gets caught by abby, sex toys.

2.9k words

a/n: i’m going to pretend this isn’t way too specific. it’s my first time posting here so im sorry in advance if there are any mistakes, english is not my first language and i wrote this in a rush bc im going insane😇

ofelia si te sale esto no lo leas‼️

There was something utterly wrong with you.

As a girl, you went through your awful womanhood cycle and all that. You never entirely understood how all of it worked, you just ovulated when you were extremely horny and wanted to either kill yourself or everyone around you when on your period. That much you knew about your own body and every other girl went through the same.

The problem was you’ve been on fucking heat for over a month.

Your hormones were a mess, the sexual frustration consumed your being and you couldn’t find a solution. You were a virgin, and quite frankly, an awkward person so it was hard for you to even initiate small talk without quickly making it uncomfortable with your lack of social skills.

You tried distracting yourself throughout the day by attending your classes, doing homework, scrolling through Tiktok, and exercising. Even if you ended up beat by the end of the day, that damn aching between your legs would not leave you alone, and you had to touch yourself to at least make it less awful.

Unfortunately, you didn’t live alone. You shared an apartment with Abby, your high school friend who so happened to get into the same college as you. You didn’t mind, of course, you liked Abby, and now that she was grown and muscular you couldn’t deny she was a total eye-snack. Thing was, you were jealous of whoever the fuck she brought to your shared apartment, Abby must be some sort of goddess if she could make girls scream like that, begging her not to stop while choking in their tears, the bed loudly creaking to the point the blonde had to buy a new mattress. You resented it. You had to settle with sex toys while she fucked almost every week.

The amount of batteries you had in your drawer was embarrassing. Every night you had to abuse your pussy while thinking it was a certain girl doing it for you, had to get good at being silent because you’d throw yourself off the window if Abby ever heard you. Your clit ended red and puffy after an hour of nonstop intimate time with yourself, your eyes swollen because the scenarios in your head were so intense you cried while thrusting a six-inch vibrator inside you, touching that sweet spot it took some time for you to master hitting perfectly until your head went numb, and you squirted all over the pink towel you covered the bed with so you wouldn’t wet the pretty covers and sheets you slept in.

You were ashamed of how filthy your fantasies were for a twenty-year-old virgin, it always hit you once you were over, panting heavily in silence while blushing because your private thoughts and desires bugged you.

You hoped it’d all end soon, that maybe your hormones were a bit crazy just because they decided so be in a silly mood. Every girl goes through shit like this. But no. God was testing you, progressively getting needier as the days passed by. Your god-awful gorgeous friend/roommate worsened it whenever you were doing your assignments at the dining table, and she came home from the gym looking so dirty and delicious, your eyes struggling to focus on your laptop screen and not the way her muscles glistened with not-fully-dried sweat and looked like the glazed donuts you loved eating as a sweet treat, the comparison didn’t make sense, but her body made you feel hungry. You were so sexually frustrated you were convinced you had gone insane.

You wished someone would approach and straight up told you to fuck. You’d accept without second thoughts. But it was the real world, as pretty as you were, you still looked awkward and shy. Fuck your life, honestly. Why couldn’t you be dauntless like the girls who flirted with Abby? Touching her biceps while twirling their hair as they looked at her with nothing but lust and confidence. They were embarrassedly bold but they got exactly what they wanted because Abby was a sucker for pretty girls like that, she loved to fuck the cockiness out of them.

You couldn’t help but think about it every day. You were pathetic, imagining how it would feel to be under her, talking you through it, making you lie there and do nothing but take her until your legs turned into jelly and make you forget all about your stupid sex toy collection hidden in a box under your bed.

Anyways.

Tonight was going to be fun. Abby told you a friend of hers would be throwing a party, subtly inviting you, but you didn’t take the hint and told her to have fun, so off she went an hour ago, leaving you alone in your shared apartment.

Eagerly and with your heart thudding, you arranged everything before jumping right into it, at this point it was just as important in your nocturnal ritual as your skincare routine. You had bought a new toy, this one being 7.4 inches and a bit thicker than your other ones, so you were a bit excited to try it, hoping the sensation would help you release more of your frustration.

With a silky pillow under your lower back, you lied in your bed and took a deep breath, your fingers slowly rubbing your clit, making you gasp softly at the familiar but delicious feeling. Your muscles quickly relaxed as you kept circling your needy button. You didn’t need much teasing, you were already wet, arousal sneaking down and making you groan because it was icky.

Lately, you didn’t rely on your hand that much, ever since you figured out the way to hit your G spot, that’s almost all you needed to come. That being said, you took the pink toy in your hand, lining it down your entrance and teasing yourself by lubing the tip of it with your arousal, imagining it was Abby’s strap and spreading your legs. You had to be quiet every time you masturbated, but you were completely alone now and you wanted to treat yourself by taking the liberty to be as loud as you felt like. Pants and whines of desperation filled your room once you started taking inch by inch of the toy slowly. There were nights you straight up wanted to release everything and go to sleep, or nights such as this, where you felt like dragging your orgasm to make it intense and mind-breaking.

“Holy shit.” You whined once the vibrator was deep inside, you closed your eyes and played start to your fake scenarios.

In your wild fantasies, Abby would tease you, keeping her strap in place while circling your clit and making you wait for her to move. So you did that. Little whimpers left your lips while imagining her talking in your ear, whispering sweet encouraging words. You could multitask with no problem at this point, it was routine. You turned on the vibrator, hips jerking at the feeling and your lips hung as you gasped. Thrusting it slowly the fantasies grew steamier, and your cheeks flushed at the sound of your voice doing all those pathetic and pornographic sounds.

It was big. When you bought it you were so cocky about it but you were actually struggling to slide it in and out smoothly, but thankfully you were so wet it only took a few minutes. And so the madness began. In your head, Abby was fucking you with her strap, your hand moving fast and aiming for your sweet spot like your life depended on it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You whimpered out loud, the buzzing toy hitting the right place inside of you while you kept rubbing your clit clumsily because it felt so good.

You wanted her. Pitiful whines getting caught in your throat when you remembered Abby was far from your apartment, far from your room, and definitely far from your bed. She was probably messing around with another girl at that party. You winced at the thought, feeling like crying as you kept abusing your pussy. Imaginary Abby would slap you and grab your chin so you’d look at her, telling you to stop drifting away from her when she’s right there with you, to not listen to those silly thoughts of yours.

Your therapist would never hear of this.

“Oh my god, Abby! Please, please, please-” You were okay with being loud at this point, whatever you usually blabbered under your breath now resonating on the walls of your room.

Sometimes you wished you had four hands so you could add a little something to your intimate sessions. You wanted to know how it would feel to have her deep inside with her big and strong hand wrapped around your neck, preventing you from breathing properly while praising you. Shit. Your hand moved faster and rougher, seeking for the most realistic sensation possible. Wanting to pretend this was the real Abby pounding into you.

You needed her. Your eyes stung with tears as your chest heaved because the toy was now at the highest setting, hitting your sweet spot oh so deliciously you were even drooling.

With your eyes squinted shut your mind went fuzzy, the scenario pausing for a moment while focusing on the familiar twisting in your tummy and reaching for your orgasm. Abby was calling your name in the distance, you were so into it for a moment you felt worried about how real it went through your ears.

“Yes, yes, yes! Right there, Abby! Plea-se-!”

Your voice cracked. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you choked weak whimpers while squirting all over the towel, so intense even the toy almost flew out of your cunt. Your legs trembled and you panted loudly, riding out your fifth climax of the week. The cold air of your room hit your bare lower body and made you groan because your slick was drying up and you hated the feeling, but you also needed time to recover before cleaning your mess.

After a few moments, you sighed and opened your eyes, slightly leaning onto your side to grab your phone on the nightstand. You froze at the figure of someone standing by your door. Your stomach dropped and you could feel your heart in your throat.

Abby was there, standing with her arms crossed while looking at you with a stare you couldn’t decipher. No. This could not be happening to you. No!

“Abby-“ You sobbed, the shame betraying you by making you cry.

“How long?” She asked, her blue eyes staring into your soul even from a further distance. Her voice lower than how she usually talks to you.

“W-What?”

“How long have you wanted me to fuck you?”

The question sent a shiver down your spine. This was definitely not how you imagined it’d play out, not in one of your thousands of wet dreams.

“A while…” You mumbled embarrassed, looking away from her. Thankfully you were only naked from the hips down to your feet, you were wearing an oversized shirt that could cover your most private parts.

Abby seemed pleased with your answer. A heavy and shaky sigh left her nose as she walked to your bed.

“And you do this every night while thinking about me?”

The question (which sounded more like a statement) stabbed your core sharply. You nodded and felt your cheeks blushing in shame.

The bed creaked when she joined you in it, getting on top of you while smirking smugly. Your pretty face was adorned with confusion and embarrassment. Lips puffy from crying and your face dampened and red.

“Poor girl. Had to hear me pleasing other girls instead of you, hm? You should’ve just said so, baby.” She comforted you, brushing her fingers against your cheek, making you shiver at the unfamiliar contact.

“Didn’t want to mess with your innocence, you’re so pure I couldn’t dare break you. That’s why I used whoever wanted to throw themselves at me, but turns out that’s all you wanted all along? Wanted me to make you cry and beg?”

Holy fuck. You thought as you were getting wet again. You almost whimpered because this was the real thing. 4D Abby was on top of you and talking dirty with her husky and alluring voice.

“Yes.”

You hated yourself so much. Just a few moments ago you were so mouthy to her in your fantasy and you couldn’t even form a sentence with the real one. Abby laughed at you as if finding you amusing.

“‘Yes’ what, pretty girl?”

This was it. You were going to go for it.

“I-I want you to…fuck me and make me scream and beg for more.” You stuttered softly, looking into her eyes while batting your lashes because you couldn’t maintain eye contact.

“Yeah? I bet I can do a better job than your toys.” She leaned down, your faces closer than you ever thought they’d get, sucking the air out of your lungs.

You yelped in surprise when her fingers went down your folds, spreading the wetness as she teased your sensitive parts. “So wet, waiting for me to read your mind and touch you, huh? Gotta use your big girl words. C’mon, tell me what you want.”

Her voice melted your brain as her fingers spread your lips, making you gasp and squirm under her. You were too shy for your own good, she knew that as well but that made this more interesting. Abby wanted to see how far she could lead you, and how much control she could have on you.

“Please touch me.” Your voice was breathy and almost weak, feeling her fingers replacing your own was too much.

She circled your throbbing clit, causing you to close your eyes and whine loudly.

“You like that?”

“Y-Yes, so so much, Abby.” Your mouth was getting loose, drunk in pleasure and your head was still dizzy from your previous climax. Abby could feel herself getting wet from your reactions to minimal touch.

Poor little thing, so touch-starved. She thought while continuing to please you.

You mumbled curses and her name under your breath. Hands gripping the covers of your bed tightly because she was the one touching you, you had no control over the speed nor the pressure her fingers had on your sensitive bud. Your legs squirmed as you spread them further so she’d position herself more comfortably between them.

“Want you inside, n-need you inside!” You begged pathetically, looking at her with half-lidded eyes.

Abby couldn’t believe this. This was too good to be true and she couldn’t wait anymore either. She kept boundaries out of respect, she knew you were a virgin and had no experience, and she didn’t want to scare you off with her deprived desires. Yet you were there, asking her with tears in your eyes to fill you up. You were so desperate she wanted to eat you alive.

“‘M gonna use my fingers, doll. Don’t wanna fuck you with the same strap I use with other girls. I’m going to get you your own, and I’m going to fuck this horniness out of you. You’ll only need me.” She whispered in your ear before shoving two of her fingers inside you, gaining a loud whimper from you.

Her fingers were thick and long, she filled you up almost perfectly you didn’t want this moment to end. Your chest raised up and down as you struggled to breathe properly. She moved them in and out, curling them expertly inside your warm walls.

“Faster, please.”

Abby knew once you two were done tonight, every time she’d hear the word ‘please’ from you would be a trigger. She wanted to tease you, drag you to the edge, but she was aware of how frustrated you felt and it was pitiful. So she let you give her orders, just this once though.

She hit it. That magnificent spot of yours that sent you to the moon. You were a moaning mess, hairs sticking to your forehead with sweat while she kept thrusting her fingers forcefully.

“Fuck, Abby! There, holy fuck.” You blabbered, your back arching off the bed, and the pillow under you helped to reach your g spot smoothly. Abby was also panting, even groaning because you were giving her a show. The things she’d do to you from now on, whew, she was going to ruin you.

“So pretty, taking my fingers so well. Want you to come all over them, doll. You think you can do that for me?”

Nodding drastically up and down, she sped up if that was even possible. Your tummy swooped and you didn’t realize you had tears running down your cheeks. Abby’s face was blurry and your eyes struggled to focus. Your hand found her bicep, clawing it with your acrylic nails as you reached the delicious bliss.

“Shitshitshit!”

Moaning Abby’s name and profanities, you came on her fingers and probably her pants as well. You kept squirting while sobbing because you’ve never experienced an orgasm like this one, your legs shaking against your will. Now you were panting, catching your breath and when you opened your eyes and met with hers, reality hit you.

You opened your puffy lips to say something, but Abby cut you off.

“Next time it’ll be my cock.”

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part eighteen

authors notes: two updates back to back! i felt a lil bad for leaving ya'll on a cliffhanger of sorts. granted, this one kinda does too but....not in a bad way. more of a plot twist, than anything.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: angst, fluff, language, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 7k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @southerngirl41 @wanderingreigns @romanreignsbae

24 hours.

It’s been 24 hours of absolute chaos and madness.

24 hours of a rush of conflicting and yet corresponding emotions. Anger. Confusion. Sadness.

In the past 24hrs, your love and basically life story have gone from being known to a select few to now being trending topics on every social media platform. Your Instagram, which was already private, had literally hundreds of follow requests the last time you checked it. There are emails in your inbox from several news platforms requesting interviews and offering exclusives. 

Hell, a couple of people even reached out to you on your LinkedIn.

It’s all so extremely overwhelming and chaotic, so much so that you had to force Alexis to leave and find some way to calm herself down. Her furious energy, while valid as hell, wasn’t helping. And it's not that you don't get it.

You do. God, you do.

You’d like nothing more than to take a steel chair to Mariah’s head, for you and Alexis to do a beatdown part two since the first one seemingly didn’t send a strong enough message.

But, you can’t. And she can’t either.

The whole world now has eyes on you, now is waiting to see what else comes out of this story that isn’t a story for you.

It’s your fucking life.

“We’re definitely looking into our options here, and there are some routes we can take, but without anything from her specifically saying she was going to do anything—”

“Wait.” It’s the first thing you’ve said in this emergency meeting with Joe and his legal team, a couple of intrigued eyes falling on you. “That’s—that’s not exactly true.”

Joe, as you expected, is the first to speak. “What are you talking about?”

This….this is the last conversation you expected to be having right now. The last thing you thought you’d be doing right now. You should be continuing to prepare for the move, decorating the house, planning how you’re going to tell Joe about your pregnancy.

Instead, you’re sitting in your new kitchen surrounded by lawyers, men in suits, and the man you love who you now have to admit to lying over something, at the time, you thought was nothing.

But that nothing has turned into a nightmare that has not only your personal life being used as media fodder but pictures of your sweet, beautiful, four-year-old daughter circulating the internet, just waiting to fall into the hands of the depraved.

That…..that’s what kills you the most.

It’s not even the “tell all” interview you only managed to watch for 10 minutes before having to turn it off. Even staring at her caked face, most likely to hide the lingering bruises from Alexis beating, makes you mad. Almost as mad at the absolute way she’s taken your and Joe’s story and dramatized it to the point of delusions.

Saying you plotted on Joe from the beginning. That you intentionally got pregnant by him. That you were sleeping with multiple men, meaning there’s a chance he could not be the father. That Joe’s ex-wife called and cussed you out, threatening to beat your ass. That you make Joe give you an allowance.

Just lies. Pure, unadulterated lies that make you sick to your stomach.

This whole thing feels like a never ending cycle of nightmares.

“Y/N?” One of the suits saying your name brings you back to this space, this place of here and now where another lie, one of your own making, is about to be revealed.

Licking your lips, you try to explain it as best you can, though there is no good way to come out and admit you weren’t honest with him. “She—she’d been sending me messages.”

“Messages?” Joe’s interruption is fair and expected, but one of his lawyers jumps in before he can continue. 

“Do you still have them?”

Nodding, you pull out your phone, opening Mariah’s thread. You’d blocked and deleted her contact from your phone so it’s just her number as the title for the thread. Reaching the phone to the lawyer, it’s quickly intercepted by Joe.

Just watching his eyes read over the messages, you can almost see his anger growing. He hands the phone over to his lawyer, and you watch as one exchanges the phone with the other.

“This is perfect,” one of the suits shares to the group. “We can definitely slap her with a couple different lawsuits with this evidence. I’m thinking extortion. Most definitely a cease and desist.”

“Defamation too,” someone else chimes. 

Joe isn’t interested in any of that at this moment. He just wants to speak with you alone, that much is painfully obvious. “Can you give us a minute?” He doesn’t wait for a response, just stands up from his seat, motioning for you to follow him.

Nervous about what’s about to ensue, you do so regardless, following him up the stairs and into the first room on the right. 

You start to plead your case as soon as the door is closed. “Joe—”

“You lied to me.”

His tone kills you. You haven’t been on the receiving end of this side of him in months, not since he first found out about Callie. “I—”

“I fucking asked you did she say anything, and you lied to me, Y/N!”

“I didn’t think anything of it, Joe.” You can’t and won’t necessarily defend the lying part, but you will attempt to help him understand your logic that was at play. “Mariah—she’d never done anything remotely close to any of this to make me think she would ever do something like this. I thought—I thought she was just saying shit to get a reaction out of me.”

He stops his pacing, looking at you with a sense of incredulity. “I didn’t ask you what kind of shit she was saying, I asked you if she said anything at all, and you stood there and you lied to me with a straight face!”

“I’m sorry, okay!” There’s a solid attempt to keep your volume down, well aware Callie is only a few rooms down playing, oblivious to all of this chaos unfolding. “But I was in a really bad place during that time, Joe, okay? I—I didn’t care about….lawyers and lawsuits, I just wanted custody of my child back.” Eyes starting to water, you shake your head, asking, “do you have any idea how hard that was for me?”

“Of course, I know, Y/N.” His tone is a little more calm, still angry though. “I was going through the same damn thing.”

“No, you weren’t!” As much as you want to control your emotions in this moment, control your temper, it’s hard when he’s clearly not trying to hear where you were coming from. “You got to see her! You got to speak to her! I didn’t! Mariah didn’t accuse you of awful shit, it was just me!”

“So you don’t think that shit impacted me at all?” His voice still carries anger, but there’s specks of hurt there. You feel bad, you didn’t mean to invalidate him, just wanted to help him see there was a difference. “Seeing you like that? Seeing Callie like that?”

Pressing your hands against your temple, you shut your eyes, explaining, “that’s not what I’m saying, Joe. You’re not listening to me.” 

“You’re right.” His agreement takes you by surprise. You didn’t expect him to be so self-aware. “I’m not listening cuz’ I’m fucking pissed off with you that this all could have been avoided if you had just been honest with me. Our daughter’s photos wouldn’t be all over the fucking internet if you had just told me the truth.”

It’s not hard for you to read between the lines of what he’s saying. But, it is hard for you to stomach what he’s saying. “You blame me for this, don’t you?” And it’s when he looks away, nostrils flared and jaw clenched. “You do….”

“I didn’t for the DCFS situation, because that was absolutely beyond your control. But this…..” He looks up at the ceiling, eyes closed, most likely trying to maintain composure. “I’m gonna go over to Jey and Kaylah’s place for a little bit. I just need to clear my head.”

Your throat constricts. Joe has never been the one to leave in the middle of an argument. He’s that one to always say we’re gonna stay here and figure this out together, so you don’t know what to make of him wanting to leave. 

“Joe, please….” Walking over to him, you place your hands on his chest, forcing him to look at you. “Don’t go, okay? We just—we need to work this out right now.”

“I love you, Y/N. I love you too much to stay here and have this out with you right now, because there’s not many nice things I have to say.” 

There’s a shred of hope that fills you in the way he cups your cheek, staring at you for a minute before he turns to walk out of the door. But the hope is easily dashed at the fact that he still chooses to walk out the door. 

Sniffling, feeling the tears oncoming, you walk out after him only to see he’s already completely descended down the stairs, already out the house most likely. Standing there, you try to keep the tears at bay, try to keep your shit together.

“Mommy….”

“What, Callie!” The second it leaves your voice, the harshness, the volume, the cruelness, you want to melt into the ground. Callie, understandably, looks devastated at you snapping at her. And you feel it too. “Baby, I’m—I’m so sorry—”

She doesn’t give you a chance to grovel because she turns on the heel of her shoes and darts back into her room, slamming the door behind her. 

Your chest tightening, the tears starting to fall. It hits you so hard.

You really fucked up. 

—-------

“You ready to talk yet?”

Joe knew the second he walked into his cousin’s house, grabbed a beer out the fridge and plopped himself on the steps of their back porch that he didn’t come over here to vent. He just needed to get away, to clear and sort through his head so he didn’t end up saying anything worse than what he’s already said to Y/N.

And Kaylah recognized as such. Recognized something must have happened, which is why she allowed him his privacy for the time being.

“Not really,” he answers, finishing off his beer and tossing it to his side.

“Too bad,” Kaylah dismisses. It’s not a major surprise. “Cause I am.” Joe says nothing as she slides down on the step, sitting beside him. When he still says nothing, “what happened, Joe?”

Joe chuckles bitterly. “Check the news. Any of them.”

Kaylah frowns. “You know that’s not what I mean.” She’s very well aware of that part of this shitshow. “What happened with you and Y/N?”

“She lied to me, Kay.” Joe really doesn’t want to talk about this, but he knows he needs to. Knows he eventually has to go back home and face the music. “I had asked her if Mariah had said anything, not even anything bad, just anything in general. She told me no, but that wasn’t the truth, Mariah was sending all kinds of messages alluding to doing something if Y/N didn’t answer her…..now look at what’s happened.” 

Kaylah takes a second to digest what he’s saying. “When did you ask her?”

“When the whole DCFS situation happened. My lawyers were trying to see if we could build some type of case against Mariah.”

Kaylah is smart, always has been, so it’s not difficult for her to put the pieces together. “And you think if she had provided these messages, you could have done something to avoid this latest shitshow?” Joe doesn’t have to answer her question. She already knows his answer. “That’s a big if, Joe, and you know it.”

“Of course, I know it. It’s just…….fuck.” He shuts his eyes, head titled back. “It’s like shit just keeps happening.”

“It’s rough, I can imagine that, but it’s not just rough for you. Y/N is going through the same thing, and instead of sitting here in your misery, blaming her, you two should be handling it together.” Kaylah lifts her finger to silence him when he goes to either agree or protest. “I’m not saying she wasn’t wrong for not telling you the truth, but Joe, we both know that if she had even an inkling that Mariah would do something like this, she would have told you in a heartbeat.” Her voice softens. “She made a mistake.”

“And I know Mariah has put your business out there too now, and I don’t mean to make it seem like this doesn’t impact you as well, but Y/N is the one being dragged to filth on the internet right now. I sincerely hope she hasn’t read some of the stuff being said about her. It’s awful. Mariah lied about so many things and has made Y/N out to be this horrible person when she’s not.”

Joe thinks that’s the part that pisses him off the most, that made him so angry he unintentionally took that anger out on the person being affected the most in this situation. He watched the entire interview Mariah did, heard the way she took parts of the truth and piled a shit ton of lies on top. 

Heard how actually had the fucking audacity to drag Jadah into it, claiming she had texts and recorded phone calls between the two of them talking about how Y/N was a whore and broke up her marriage. All kind of just lies.

And he knows it’s not true, because he knows Jadah. Hell, he spoke to Jadah just this morning. 

It infuriated him even more to read some of the comments, people speaking so cruelly about the woman he loves. Even going as far to drag Callie into the cesspool of bullying. 

A man who doesn’t like not having control, it tears him up to not be able to do anything to dead the shit immediately. 

But…..there are some things he can do, and he can’t do them if he’s sitting here in his feelings.

Joe looks over at Kaylah, gently shoving into her side. “Thank you, Kay.”

“Anytime.” And she means it. Joe is like a brother to her. Always has been. “Now you’ve got twenty minutes to get your sorry ass off my porch and back to your house to take care of business. Cause I know you, Joe. You don’t play about your family. Let that bitch know she’s fucked with the wrong one.”

—-------

“Mama, I really messed up.”

Crying over the phone to your mom at your big age definitely wasn’t in your bingo card for 2024, yet here you are.

Granted, most of what’s happened this year wasn’t in your bingo card anyway, so it lines up.

“Oh, honey. You made a mistake, You’re human. It happens.” Your mom’s voice is soothing on the other side of the phone. “And don’t worry about Joseph. He’s just upset right now. He’ll calm down.”

“He’s right to be upset. I shouldn’t have lied to him.” Sniffling and wiping at your eyes, you bring your legs to your chest. “And look at what my mistake has caused mama. My baby’s face is all over the internet. Personal photos just material for people to make posts and tweets and TikTok’s about.”

It makes you sick to your stomach to think of how low Mariah has gotten in this whole situation. All of those snaps you shared with her of your daughter, precious moments you thought you were sharing with your best friend, she’d sold to whoever would buy them for 15 minutes of fame and a slice of short-lived relevancy.

“None of us knew that girl is as unhinged as she is. You’re not psychic, baby. You had no way of knowing this would happen, and Joseph knows that. He just let his pride get the best of him and took out his frustrations on you, which, make no mistake, is not right. And you definitely need to check him on that.” Your mom briefly switching gears brings a smile and small laugh to your face. “You know I didn’t raise you to take shit from no man, and that includes him.”

“I know….” And you will address it with him, even if deep down something tells you he already feels bad for how he spoke to you, knowing it was wrong. “I just—-I feel like we can’t catch a break. It sometimes makes me wonder if…..if I’m doing the right thing.” The past 24 hours have caused you to experience such a whirlwind of emotions, emotions you’re sure are exacerbated by a pregnancy no one knows about yet. “I would never stop Joe from being in Callie’s life, but if me being with him causes all this mess for him and her then….”

“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare do that.” Your mom’s interjection is fierce and sharp. “That boy loves you. He’d do anything for you and baby girl. Don’t let Mariah trick you into thinking that somehow you being happy with the man you love and father of your child is somehow wrong. Don’t let her win.”

Blowing out a breath, you try to heed to your mom’s guidance. She’s right. You know she’s right. Mariah being psychotic doesn’t change shit about your love for Joe, his love for you, the way he’d do anything for ya’ll and vice versa.

Mariah is just jealous. Dissolving what is otherwise a happy family would bring her nothing but great satisfaction. And over your dead body will you let that bitch get what she wants.

“You’re right.” Shaking your head, you try to counter all of your negative and anxious thoughts with more optimism and logic. “It’s just….it’s hard right now.”

“And it will be for a little while, but that’s when you lean on the people you love, and baby, you got no shortage of that.”

Sniffling, tears drying, you thank her, “thank you, mama.”

“Just let me know if you need me to fly down there.” And you know she will. Know Joe won’t hesitate to pay for a plane ticket for her to come stay with you.

And after you tell him about your pregnancy, you might do just that.

“I will,” you promise, telling her you’ll call or text her later to let her know how everything pans out before ending the call.

Stepping back into the kitchen and sliding the door closed, locking it, the last thing you expect to see is Joe standing in the kitchen.

Gasping, hand over your chest, your shoulders slump as you murmur, “you scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” It’s a layered statement, multiple meanings and several different applications. A knowledge that comes from being with and knowing this man for all these years. 

Walking over to him, you cross your arms over one another. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

He shakes his head. “Didn’t give me an excuse to talk to you the way I did or to say the things I did.” And as strange a thought it may be to have in this moment, this is one of the many reasons you love the man before you. Joe is mature and man enough to both admit when he’s fucked up and is always intentional about making it right.

Swallowing, you advise, “this is just a really fucked up situation that neither of us really knows how to process.” Ain’t that the fucking truth. “But, we can handle it…together.”

He gently pulls you into his chest and your eyes shut as he holds you, apologizing into the top of your head.

“I’m sorry too.” you apologize, hand on his chest. “I know that situation was difficult for you too, and I shouldn’t have invalidated your feelings.”

“Neither of us was 100% right.” And he’s correct. He was wrong for lashing out the way he did, and you were wrong for not being honest and invalidating his experience. 

Neither of you could pull the ‘right’ card.

“Agreed.” You murmur, eyes softening as you switch topics a bit. “Callie….I accidentally snapped at her after you left.” The guilt still eats at you for that, for taking out your emotions on your sweet little girl. “I spoke with her and apologized, but….I think she heard us fighting.”

That really kills you. You don’t think it’s entirely unhealthy for kids to hear their parents go at it from time to time, but not at 4. And not for a sensitive child like Callie.

Joe looks equally upset at this, offering, “let me talk to her. If she heard us, she needs to know that me yelling at you wasn’t okay.”

There’s no disagreement nor protest as he heads up the stairs to find Callie.

Joe stands outside Callie’s door with a knock that’s followed by her head snapping up and smile brightening. “Daddy!” She rushes over to him, Joe leaning to pick her up, holding her. “You came back!”

Her words crush him, the idea that she could even think he could ever leave her, leave either of them.

“Of course, baby girl.” Joe moves to the only adult sized chair in her room, holding her on his lap, caressing her cheek. “Callie, I know you heard me and your mom arguing, but I need you to know that I will never leave you or mommy. Daddy was just….very upset, and I took it out on your mom which was wrong.”

In a soft voice, she asks, “did mommy do something bad?”

“No, she just….made a mistake, and that’s okay, because we all make mistakes, but it wasn’t okay for me to yell at her like that.” Joe decides to take this unfortunate occurrence and make it a learning lesson for his daughter. “You never let any lil’ boy yell at you or talk mean to you, you hear me?” Callie nods her head, as he adds. “And if he does, let me know, and I’ll take care of it.”

Callie turns up her nose. “Boys are gross.” She then adds, “cept' you, daddy.”

Joe laughs but quickly agrees. Let her think that as long as she wants. Forever, preferably. He tugs her a bit closer, holding her snug to him. “That’s right. All of em’. Every single one.” 

—-------

Given only a few rooms in the house are fully furnished, the three of you sleep and stay at Joe’s place at night given he doesn’t plan to sell it until you’re all completely moved in. Not feeling like cooking, or rather not feeling like helping Joe cook, you decide on takeout.

Subsequently, ya'll share dinner while watching Finding Nemo 2, the chosen movie of the night by Callie.

There’s extra measures on your end to make sure she’s really forgiven you, needing her to know that you’re truly apologetic, and of course, your inherently kind child shows absolutely no sign that she holds any type of grudge against you.

You couldn’t be any more grateful for her wonderfully big heart.

You handle getting her to bed, seeing that Joe is tired. It’s something you noticed the minute he arrived at the new house from the airport. He looks exhausted. How can he not be? Preparing for WrestleMania, training nonstop, finishing up his documentary, and now this?

A person can only take so much.

You’re actually happy he’ll have a week off post WrestleMania. He needs that. He needs time to just rest.

It doesn’t surprise you that he falls asleep in a matter of minutes, big body laid out over yours as you gently caress his naked back. His heavy shoulders lifting in alignment with his breathing is a soothing source you zone in on while scrolling aimlessly on your phone. Pinterest only. You can’t allow yourself to check out anything else.

That is until you receive a text from Alexis telling you to check Joe’s Instagram. 

For a second, you consider ignoring it, but curiosity gets the best of you.

Logging back into the app, you go straight to his profile, gasping when you see the latest post on the grid. 

It’s a photo of the three of you. One of the ones taken when you’d surprised him at his show back in February. He’s holding Callie who has her arms wrapped around his neck, smiling big at the camera with his other arm hooked around you, your body angled into him, hand on his chest.

It’s one of your favorite photos.

Your eyes drop to his lengthy caption.

@/RomanReigns: I’ve never been one to openly discuss my personal life because, quite frankly, it’s no one’s business. Unfortunately, I’m now forced to do so due to a clearly unwell and pathetic individual who has taken parts of the truth and padded it with lies. My girlfriend and I share one child together. This is my biological child. There’s never been a question of paternity. Her mother never coerced or blackmailed me into shit. Y/N has been villainized as a vindictive gold-digger and liar when that is absolutely bullshit. She is an amazing mother, friend, and partner whom I love fiercely and protectively. The same goes for my daughter. They are my world, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect them. Having our daughter’s photos and personal videos posted all over the internet has been equally heartbreaking as it is infuriating for the both of us. Legal action is currently being pursued for all involved in the doxing and sharing of personal media of my family as well as other atrocities that have taken place behind the scenes you all don’t even know about. All of this is entirely unacceptable and will be dealt with to the fullest extent of the law. And to everyone who has so much to say about a situation you know nothing about outside of the lies circulating, remember these are real people with real feelings.

But most importantly, keep my girlfriend and daughter’s name out of your fucking mouths.

~Joe

Tears are starting to burn your eyes as you stare down at the man sleeping on top of you. The man who never ceases to amaze you with how far he’ll go to show you just how much he loves and cares about you.

He didn’t have to do this, didn’t have to go against his preference to keep his personal life off the internet. But, he did. He did it to send a message to everyone.

To send a message to Mariah.

You press a gentle kiss against the top of his head, knowing doing so won’t disturb his sleep.

And though against your better judgment, decide to read a few comments, knowing it’s bound to be a batch of mixed reactions. 

@/User1: Damn, Roman said keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth! Watch Will Smith join the match at WrestleMania.

@/User2: Used to be a big fan, but I could never support a cheater. Unfollowing.

@/User3: How many of you actually watched the interview with the “friend”? It’s obvious she’s lying about a lot of things she said, because most of it wasn’t adding up.

@/User4: My thing is why did you hide this kid and girlfriend you supposedly “love” so much? Feels like you got exposed and now you’re trying to save face.

@/User5: This is all so messy and shameful. He definitely needs to lose his title at WM. What a joke and embarrassment to the WWE.

@/User6: It’s funny how so many of you are ignoring the fact that he signed this with his real name. “Roman” is a real person clearly going through heavy shit right now. Who cares about a fucking title?

@/User7: How about you learn to “acknowledge” the truth, Mr. “tribal chief”?

@/UceyJucey: Man, this family right here. We go you, Y/N and Big Dog. For life!

@/BigLexPurr: Ya’ll gon see JOE don’t play about HIS!

@/JonathanFatu: FOE 

@/RomanReigns has turned off comments for this post. 

The comments are to be expected, though it warms you to see familiar names coming to your defense, seeing that while there may be a lot of hatred being spewed your way, there’s still an abundance of love and support that encompasses you.

But, it’s when you come across a reference to the Bloodline that an idea hits you, smashes into you so strongly that you have to wake Joe to get the ball rolling.

“Baby.” He’s knocked out, so it takes a couple of shakes and slaps to finally get him to stir. “Joe!”

Finally, he stirs, sighing loudly as he groans, “fine, you getting on top though.”

Rolling your eyes, you shove his shoulder. “Not that. Can I use one of your cars tomorrow morning? And I need you to stay and watch Callie for a bit.”

At this, he opens his eyes, looking you over with confusion. “Where you going?”

“It’s a surprise. Just….trust me, okay?” Leaning to kiss his cheek, you throw out a quick ‘thank you’ and turn back on your side. Only to squeal quietly when his big hands move you onto your back. One look at him, and you know what he wants. “Joe, it’s like 3 o’clock in the morning.”

“Should have thought about that before you woke me up….” His mouth is on your neck, right hand moving under his shirt that hides your nude body, gripping your breast. “Let me just taste you….”

There’s a strong desire and almost responsibility you feel to press your legs together and direct him to go back to sleep, but raging, most likely pregnancy fueled hormones, along with the fact that you want to enjoy this for as long as you can before pregnancy body stops all sexual acts, are just too damn strong.

So you simply chew on your bottom lip, watching his dark silky head disappear under the covers and enjoy the toe curling ride of fantasy that is his skilled tongue on you.

—-------

You’re out of the house by 7am sharp, the sun still making its way to introduce the new day, but that doesn't matter. 

You’re a woman on a mission, a mission that has a ticking deadline. Joe has to fly back out tomorrow, so you can’t waste one precious moment.

Target has almost everything you need, sans a couple of items that you pick up at Walmart. 

And Alexis, who finally calmed down enough after getting drunk as hell and hooking up with some random she met on the boardwalk, agreed to keep Callie for you for a little bit. It’s a double win, because Callie always has a good time with Alexis, and Alexis can’t catch a murder charge if she’s on babysitting duty.

Of course, Joe being Joe, has a million and one questions. Understandably so.

“Can you at least tell me why you had Alexis come get Callie?” And before you can give him the vaguest answer, he adds on, “or what the hell is in those boxes?”

His question comes from behind as you carry said cake boxes up the steps, reaching the top and offering him a teasing glare. “And you always say I suck at surprises.”

“I’m too old for surprises, baby.”

Baby…..

God, you can’t wait to see his reaction.

“Patience, lover. Patience.” You then gesture with your chin to the first door with a sticky note on it. “Open that one.”

Joe looks taken back, reading the post-it. “Option 1? Option 1 for what?”

This man….. “I see where Callie gets her questioning nature from. Boy, just open the damn door.” 

He rolls his eyes, walking in and looking around. “There’s literally nothing in this room.”

“Yet,” you correct, encouraging him. “Just….be mindful of the layout and what it could be.”

“It can’t be anything considering it’s empty as hell.”

“Joe, I swear to—” You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Come on. Let’s look at the other ones.”

And you have him do just that, viewing two more rooms that he doesn’t realize you’ve shortlisted as potential nurseries. He makes his smartass comments, of course, but you also know it’s in jest and he really just wants to know what’s going on. 

So, it’s when you finish and bring him back to the kitchen, directing him to sit on the barstool as you lay out the two boxes in front of him. “You gon tell me why you had me look at empty rooms while you carried boxes?”

“Stop being difficult.” Slapping him on the shoulder, your nerves begin to set in as you motion to the counter. “Pick one to open. Only one.”

Joe’s curious gaze is on you, humor dropping a bit as he asks, in all seriousness. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

“Just…..trust me.” It’s a simple but powerful thing to say given the past couple days. You know he does and know he will. “Pick one.”

Waiting for him to carefully pull the tape off to open the box, you time it perfectly so at the same time he’s lifting the lid, you murmur, “I think it’s a boy too…..”

Joe’s gaze snaps to yours at your statement but also refers back to the now open box. “Y/N….what is this?”

Eyes starting to water, you manage to tease him, “don’t tell me the Tribal Chief suddenly doesn’t know how to read.”

There’s a close and careful watch you have on Joe as his eyes go from left to right, clearly reading the words you have beautifully decorated on the inside of the cake box that’s filled with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies dyed blue with food coloring.

The other box is filled with chocolate chip cookies dyed pink.

Same message located on the lid of the box.

BREAKING NEWS: 

New Bloodline Member Coming Soon. Ready to acknowledge daddy in September, 2024.

He does that one, two, three times before slowly looking back up at you, a level of emotion in his gaze and eyes you’re not sure you’ve ever seen. 

His voice is so low, so imbued with vulnerability that you almost have to ask him to repeat himself. “You serious?”

Shaking your head, you reach out, pushing back some of his hair. “I wouldn't lie to you about this, Leati…….” Taking his hand and placing it on your stomach, you layer your own on top of his. “I’m pregnant…..we’re having another baby.” Sniffling, tears finally starting to spill, you add, “and no one knows but you and me. Not my mom. Not Alexis. Not Callie. Just you and me.” Licking your lips, you acknowledge. “I didn’t do it right the first time, but I’m gonna do everything right this time.”

Joe not saying anything initially makes you second guess yourself. Were you wrong to assume that he would be happy? Given everything that’s happened, has it changed his views on things? You thought that he would be thrilled at the idea of expanding your family, but what if you were wrong?

It’s only seconds later though that he shoots up from the chair, wrapping his strong arms around you, holding you maybe tighter than what’s necessary.

All concern is washed away, a happy giggle leaving your mouth as he spins you around. 

Back on the ground, his hands on your face. “I love you.” His thumbs brush over the apples of your cheek. You swear his eyes are glazed over with unshed tears. “I love you with everything in me.”

“I love you too,” you murmur, choked up and moved by his reaction. He's thrilled. “And I know things are a mess right now, but I couldn’t miss this opportunity to tell you while you’re in town.”

Everything is certainly not the way it should be, but for him to be here, to be with you, and for you to not tell him felt so wrong. You didn't want to make him wait any longer than he needed to.

“September…..” You can see he’s doing the math in his head, hand dropping to your stomach. “You’re three months?”

“Just about. End of March will mark officially three months, but I just found out at the OB-GYN appointment I had. I wanted to tell you right away, but I also wanted to do it in person, because you deserve as much.” You find yourself rambling, probably over-explaining, but the last thing you want is for him to think you’ve been keeping this from him. “It’s up to you, but I do think we should tell Callie first.”

You've thought about it, and to some extent, you have some concern about how she’ll respond. She’s been an only child her whole life, obviously. And she already doesn’t like ‘sharing’ Joe with you sometimes, how will she respond to a brother or sister?

Joe must be reading your mind as he kisses your forehead. “We’ll figure it out.” Another realization also crosses his mind as he connects more dots. “The rooms…..you think one of them could be the nursery.”

Playfully rolling your eyes, you tease him. “Well, it took you long enough to put two and two together.” Yelping, you laugh when Joe squeezes your hip and picks you up, bridal style. “Joe!”

“Let’s go look again,” he implores, and you know it’s because he wants to go again because now he knows this will be the room where your baby will stay in, the room where you’ll nurse him or her, where he’ll finally be able to enjoy being a father from conception to birth. 

It makes this moment even better.

But, you need something else.

You call for him to wait, pointing to the box of cookies. “What?” You ask after he moves close enough for you to grab them. Rubbing your belly, you remind him with all the pride in the world, “mama’s eating for two now.”

—-------

The day is perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

It’s a day where you can temporarily forget all of the bullshit in your life that doesn’t matter in these moments where it’s just the three of you.

Well, four, technically. 

The day is spent shopping, of all things, Joe refusing to leave without you finally getting a bedroom set. The one, ironically, that Alexis pointed out the other day. It really does look like the both of you.

He also might have made a sly comment regarding making good use of the mirror.....

On top of that, you start to casually peruse nursery furniture, nothing too obvious to where Callie can tell. You and Joe haven’t settled on when or how to tell her, but you’re leaning more toward after WrestleMania. He’ll be off that week, so it gives you both time to tackle any big emotions that might come up.

And Joe….

It deeply endears you to notice the little things. He’s always been touchy feely, but his hand seemed to find a space on or near your stomach all day. Gentle kisses pressed against your temple and more “I love you’s” than usual. You know it’s all because he’s wholly and fully happy. This pregnancy means more to him than you could probably ever comprehend.

And being able to make him so happy when he’s made you happier means everything to you.

Even laying in bed together, enjoying your time with each other before he has to leave early in the morning, his big hand is splayed protectively across your stomach. You appreciate all of these moments, know that the next almost six months of your pregnancy will be filled with them.

Even with some dread at trying to navigate this pregnancy with Joe’s crazy work schedule, you’re more happy than anything. Ecstatic that you get to experience this pregnancy with him this time around.

Together. 

Sleep is finally about to overcome you when your phone dings on your nightstand. Tempted to leave it, it’s hard to do so when it vibrates several different times.

Not knowing if it could be something serious or requiring immediate attention, you reach over, unlocking to see you have five texts from an unknown number.

But, the sender is no longer unknown the moment you open the thread.

Unknown: Hi, Y/N. This is Jadah. 

This…..this has to be a joke, has to be some kind of cruel prank that’s all a part of Mariah’s apparent master plan to ruin your life.

Because there’s no way in hell Joe’s ex-wife is texting you. No way in hell. 

But before you can block the number, chalking it up as a cruel prank, you see she’s sent a screenshot of a conversation between her and Joe. Zooming in, you see it’s from around October with them discussing the details of the divorce.

Holy…..shit.

It is her.

Jadah: Just so you know it’s really me…..

And if you weren’t already about to drop your damn phone onto Joe’s head at the fact that thee fucking Jadah is actually texting you right now, her next set of messages nearly send you into cardiac arrest.

Jadah: Super strange/inconvenient way for me to reach out, but given everything that’s going on, I think it’s time we met and talked face to face.

Jadah: Even more, since this hoe got so much to say about OUR lives, I also think it’s time we take back the narrative and pull an Uno reverse card.

Jadah: How do you feel about going on IG Live together?

[phoenixkaptain]

I just want to say that the repeated mentions of Tim being like Bruce - Dick telling Tim that “you’re more like Bruce than I ever was” and even things as small as the other members of Young Justice assuming that Batman is literally Robin’s dad - mean so much to me because like-

Tim is so similar to Bruce. They are both rich kids, only childs, people like them but they never let anyone truly know them. Tim’s deductive ability is so often likened to Bruce’s, and even his combat prowess or leadership skills are more often compared to Bruce’s than Jason’s or Dick’s. Despite being Robin, and the third one at that, Tim really takes being the Batman of the group to an entirely new level with just how much he really is like Batman.

And that’s why they work so well together! Tim and Bruce are so similar, but they’re fundamentally different! Bruce is afraid to get hurt again, afraid to feel connections to other people, afraid of revealing his emotional vulnerability. Tim is afraid of disappointing people, afraid to fail to rise to the standards other people set for him, afraid of revealing that he isn’t as calm as he appears on the outside. Bruce and Tim both begin fighting crime out of love, a love so strong that it would lead either of them to give up their lives for that love, but Bruce does so out of a love for Gotham City and his parents and the legacy they represent to him while Tim does so out of a love for Gotham City and Robin and Batman.

Their partnership is built on their similarities, but it’s improved by their differences. Tim is softer than Bruce. He wants to trust people, he doesn’t enjoy making lists of ways to kill all of his friends. He tries to talk, to draw things out, to banter, while Bruce is more straightforward. Which, honestly, being more subtle than Bruce is a talent in its own right, ngl

Tim is described a lot as the perfect Robin. And, I can’t help but feel like yeah, he is. The writers really made this character perfect for Bruce specifically. Tim is a person who understands what Bruce wants him to do, even if he doesn’t always understand why. Tim cares about Bruce, both Bruce Wayne and Batman, and that care knocks down a lot of Bruce’s walls. Tim wants to fight crime with his friends and enjoy himself, but he also has his main goal which is to protect Bruce, especially from Bruce himself.

And it’s a two-way street. Bruce knows Tim so well. Like, I can’t even begin to describe how well Bruce can read Tim. He can tell that Tim’s care is sincere, and he wants to reciprocate that care. He trusts Tim, on such a deep, foundational level, and he trusts that if Tim lies to him, then Tim has a balid reason for doing so. He’s protective of Tim, even more than Tim is protective of him (for obvious reasons), but he’s also proud of Tim. He’s proud of how Tim can work with people and how Tim can handle his own and how Tim can solve cases.

Bruce and Tim are such a dynamic duo, literally. The understanding they have of each other is amazing. The trust they have in each other. The care. Bruce treats Tim like his son, and Tim honestly treats Bruce like his dad, even while Tim’s birth dad is still alive. These two are great together, they work so well together, they fit each other almost perfectly because Tim was literally made to be perfectly suited for Batman.

And, of course, there is an obsession there. Tim’s obsession with Batman runs deep. He would almost certainly make a great Batman, no matter how you look at it, because he has moments where he reaches that ability to be threatening. Of the times I know that he played Batman, he didn’t do a bad job. He’s intimidating and frightening and he manages to have his cape pulled around himself so he’s just a shape, just like Bruce does, and that’s mostly because he also literally does that same thing as Robin. Tim prefers to be Robin, because he prefers to be partnered with someone else.

(To be completely honest, I think Tim’s first choice of who he would want to be paired with at any given moment is almost certainly Dick. Dude loves that guy. I haven’t seen if Batman Dick and Robin Tim interact in those respective roles, but Tim is almost equally made to be Nightwing’s Robin. Bruce is his second choice though, definitely.)

I have to assume the obsession goes both ways, because the story is a lot more interesting if it does. Bruce is protective of Tim, even as he trusts Tim with the fate of the entire planet. His protectiveness of Tim is funny, actually, because he doesn’t mind Tim fighting gods but he does mind Tim showing the other members of Young Justice his face. (I mean, I get that one of the members is named Impulse, but Bart himself said that Batman gave him that name, so I feel like Bruce bringing it up as a detractor is just a bit hypocritical)

All the times we see Batman with Tim in the Young Justice run, Batman is pretty chill. Like, during the Sins of Youth storyline, when Bruce is Robin and Tim is Batman, Bruce seems totally cool with it. He doesn’t seem worried about Tim messing up. His comments on Tim talking to much read more to me as banter than actual criticisms. Bruce trusts Tim to be Batman, and I find that both sweet and a bit funny for a variety of reasons.

We see Batman get mad when Arrowette says the Justice League doesn’t understand any of the Young Justice members, although even then he just glares at her, he doesn’t say anything. Bruce is like “Yes, I know I don’t understand the majority of human interaction, what of it?” Batman doesn’t say much during that whole comic, actually? Like, he shows up with the rest of the Justice League and he taunts Tim (literally like someone taunting a child pfft) but he doesn’t actually seem to think they won’t pull through? He makes a quip about them being late getting back, but it doesn’t go anywhere, it was him teasing Robin, why was he even here?

(I like to think he kind of hoped Young Justice would disban so he could take Tim back. He obviously wants Tim around, he implies as much in the World Without Grownups arc, and he obviously enjoys Tim’s company, he seems to genuinely enjoy fighting crime with Tim, even when their roles are switched, and he lets Tim talk to Oracle all the time (he definitely could have cut that connection off if he really wanted to make it difficult for Tim during that whole bet thing) Like, Bruce believes that Tim is capable, I think he’s like Wonder Woman and thinks that the others (coughImpulseandSuperboycough) are bad influences. He is taking his boy wonder and leaving to get him good influences, like Nightwi- oh, wait, no, yeah, let’s let him hang out with Impulse and Superboy-)

This turned into a ramble about Young Justice, but I can’t help it!!! I really, REALLY wish that Batman had gone to the parent-teacher conference. Like, Nightwing showing up was wonderful on so many levels, but can you imagine?? Batman?? Dealing with Bonnie King-Jones??? Like, I think if he ever met her he would break the no-killing rule, full-stop, no hesitation. I want to know how the parent-teacher conference would have gone if Batman was there. I think it would have been mostly awkward silence while Batman lurked in the shadows and Red Tornado didn’t understand why everyone was so nervous, like, it’s just talking about what time he should feed their kids, why are you guys sweating-?

I love Tim and Bruce’s relationship. They’re so codependent. I don’t know if Bruce could ever not hold the next Robins up to Tim’s standard. Like, Damian trying to kill Tim makes a lot of sense if you look at it as Damian viewing the situation as “there only needs to be one Robin, and if there is a Tim to be compared to, I will lose.” Dick and Jason were great as Robin, but neither of them were Robin during the period of time in the nineties and early 2000s where Batman got a lot edgier and needed an edgier boy to be Robin. Dick was perfect for the 50s through to at least the 70s, and Jason was probably just fine too (still haven’t read Jason comics hrnng) but Tim fits Bruce perfectly because he was made for the more modern vision of Batman as a character.

Tim is a dweeb and a nerd, just like Dick before him, do not think that he isn’t, but he really works as a balance for Bruce. He was introduced to be that equilibrium, and he fulfills that role.

Tim and Bruce work so well together because they’re just on slightly different sides of a spectrum. They’re so close to being too similar, but they’re dissimilar enough that reading their dynamic is engaging and interesting. Tim really just is the Robin I understand people mistaking for Bruce’s blood kid, y’know? Before Damian, I mean. I feel like the Justice League members met Tim and went “whoa, shit, Batman knocked someone up, holy-“ The Young Justice members continuously genuinelybelieve that Batman is Robin’s dad (which makes it a lot funnier, because if he was Tim’s dad, Tim would essentially be saying: “my dad made me do this and won’t let me do this and to make things worse, my DAD moved us out!” Like, why would he just randomly mention who the subject of the conversation was again at such a pointed time? I understand that Superboy and Bart were not paying attention to him, but it’s just really funny to think that Tim would talk in such a strange way?) I like to think that Dick does not help matters, and instead goes out of his way to worsen them, because Dick is always the one telling Tim that he’s doing great and that he’s so similar to Bruce (he means it as a compliment, like Tim isn’t making the mistakes he thinks he’s making because he, just like Batman, just is unlikely to make mistakes) so I think Dick definitely tells his friends that Robin is Batman’s kid because it’s funny-

And this has gone from rambling about Young Justice to writing fanfiction mid-post, I should really stop while I’m ahead.

All in all, to sum it up, TLDR: Tim was made to be the best Robin specifically for Bruce as Batman. That’s why they work in harmony, but are ultimately entirely different instruments.

[bloop-bl00p]

Rewriting Charlie: The Princess of Hell

(Using a GIF from the pilot before that’s the only version I like)

I didn't like Charlie in the series not only does she suffer from the terrible conditions of being a female character in a show belonging to Vivziepop but her overall innocence doesn't make sense to me.

I can understand why she would be naive and all that stuff, she probably got heavily sheltered. While we don’t know what her relationship with Lilith is, Lucifer cares enough about her to know that Hell is a dangerous place for a kid. An adult version of her would be aware of Hell being full of dangerous people but would still be vulnerable to extremely good manipulators like Alastor. That’s how her character felt to me when I watched the Pilot.

But then Vivziepop decided to give her a concussion.

It’s not cute or funny, she’s a grown adult and still acts like a child that just freshly got out of the womb. I can understand the optimism, she worked really hard on her project and things are finally starting to set in motion even with a few highs and lows.

But seriously, episode 4 pisses me off, she didn't try to do anything to stop Valentino. Not only did she not listen to Angel Dust who was visibly scared, but she also did nothing when he came out of the dressing room with a black eye. That’s not miscommunication that’s brain damage, the girl was dropped as a baby and her cerebral haemorrhage never stopped.

“But Angel stopped her🥺”

And? She’s the princess of Hell, surely she realizes that the only reason Angel did that was because Valentino told him to do so, surely she understands that the only way she could assure Angel's safety and make sure he followed through with his redemption was to remove Valentino and possibly the other Vees from the equation? Right?

She could rip the contract! She can’t? Well, get your father involved! I’m pretty sure an angel, fallen or not, can do something about a petty contract between two sinners, otherwise, it’s time to actually explain to us how this whole deal and soul-owning work.

Or better, she could simply kill Val, you know? Because Angel isn’t his only victim and killing him would free countless souls from his abuse. She obliviously cares about other sinners, no matter how despicable they are. Wait, what do you mean she’s against violence?

Girl can clearly fight and get violent if necessary, and the Pilot is still canon. Don’t you dare tell me this specific part of her isn’t cannon anymore, you either make a pilot entirely cannon or you simply remake it to fit your new vision? Unless you wanna confuse people.

If I had no other option to protect a friend, and possibly protect other people, Valentino would have been long gone. What are the other Vees gonna do? Be mad? I’m the Princess of Hell if my hair gets touched, Lucie gonna get angry. And if they touch my friend, well, they are dead.

✦ Meet Lenore, they are non-binary

The relationship between Lilith and Samael is open, they aren't married a concept way too holly for hell. It’s quite rare for the two to find themselves in the same place for more than a couple of hours, let alone spending the whole night alone. That’s why Lenore is a such special case since they actually are Samael’s child.

They were born around the early 17th century and visited Earth all the way through the early 18th century to late 19th century, they’re 413 years old making them the youngest of Lilith’s children.

Lenore was not raised by Lucifer of Lilith but by a group of sinners nicknamed Lilith’s Daughters or Lilins. They are women under Lilith’s jurisdiction. I’ll talk about them when I’ll talk about Lilith.

✦ Personality and goals

I pretty much did my own character at this point since Lenore shares little similarities with Charlie, like very little. Their most prominent default is their superiority complex, Lenore is the only child of Samael which makes them pretty powerful by default. They were seen in high regard by the members of society and each expected them to somehow fully bring Hell into this new marvelous era of prosperity.

After centuries of being constantly told that their ancestry made them superior to most, Lenore eventually started to believe it. They won’t directly tell you that you’re weaker, it’s mostly communicated through their behavior and how condescending they can sound when talking to Imps or Sinners compared to royalties.

They also like to flaunt their knowledge over a vast subject of things like witchcraft, which they learned during their childhood with the Lilins. And while yes, they are pretty smart, they still fell to the massive anti-heaven propaganda, essentially believing that The Trinity is this overly powerful dictator and that Hell is the only way you can get away from his wrath… partially. While they do ask lots of questions, questions they learned to keep to themselves, the Authoritarian God is an idea that was fed to them since childhood. It’s hard to see it in another way. No, Lenore doesn’t care that much about Heaven nor do they care about the sinners of Hellborns.

So why a sanctuary? To separate themselves from their parents of course! Familial bonds in the Dawnherald family are really weak, especially considering they grew up with an absent father. Lilith just allowed them to have a portion of land in Limbo after countless requests.

Lenore wants to build their own legacy and something intently better than the kingdom of their parents, first because they don't want to live in their shadow. The praises coming from being their child comes with the price of always being seen as such, just the offspring of two important figures which they don’t want, and second because the foundation of how Hell works is boring. Fears and hopelessness were how Samael and the Fallen Angels imposed their supremacy onto the inferior who were the sinners, while it worked and kept working, Lenore with their ego felt like they could control the population better by weaponizing something rare in Hell, kindness.

In the sinners’ eyes, Heaven abandoned them, Hell is merciless to the weak and there’s Lenore. The one that actually cares, the one that feeds and protects them, their savior. Even if they never see the pearly gate, they sure can feel safe in this false Haven provided by them, how benevolent.

They created a whole persona to hide their true intention, voluntarily creating this reputation of being an inexperienced princet to be able to manipulate gullible people with more efficiency. The more people would underestimate them the more convenient it is for them. The sanctuary is here to test multiple of Lenore’s ideas on how they could change rulership in Hell for the better.

“Everything for the people nothing by the people.”

This is the core of how their sanctuary function, you will get to the safety of a shelter, food, and basic civil rights as long as you obey. This is not a utopia but what Hell has the best to offer, sinners always try to find better options to survive, and the sanctuary just happens to be that. All that is asked from them is obedience and bringing something useful to the community.

This refusal to give any form of agency to their protégé stems again from their Pride and desire to control everything, they simply cannot see themselves outside of a leadership role.

Everyone in Hell sees this as a temporary means, an endeavor they would immediately stop the second they are promoted to be more active in Hell’s politics. Hell thrived with the chaos that occurred because of the harsh life conditions, suddenly changing the system just because one of Lilith’s spawns is pretending to have a ‘better alternative’ would be ridiculous. It is clear that most people see their sanctuary on a surface level and mostly see it as this place where sinners and others are fully free of their movements.

✦ Family

Sheesh! That’s not really a sensitive subject since their interaction with their parents is almost non-existent. Their siblings also seem to not want to have anything to do with them, the feeling is shared.

They never saw Samael in person but they are mostly curious about him. They only know him through history books telling the Tale of this ancient Morningstar finally realizing his self-worth and fighting against the tyranny of the Trinity. It’s easy to pick up the fact that their father holds dear his self-importance, they relate, in a way, but their interest doesn’t go beyond a historian being curious about an unknown historical figure. They never met him, it’s better to not make assumptions.

One question still lingers in their mind… what could drive such a well-respected being to turn away from The Trinity in such drastic ways? The point of dictatorship is to make sure everyone is perfectly indoctrinated into the regime, how did their father, after millennia of servitude randomly pick up on this? These are obliviously questions that they shouldn’t ask and, for the sake of maintaining appearance, it’s best to search the response on their own. At best, they’ll be totally reasonable answers, at worst they’ll find something that they were not meant to see.

Ah, Mother Lilith, they have seen her in person and often have little weekends with her. A charming individual, indeed, they would love her even more if it wasn't for being constantly told to give up on their silly little games with sinners. While they did make up a naive persona for the rest of Hell to be fooled, the fact that their own mother doesn’t take them seriously is appalling to witness.

Lilith is the active ruler of Hell with a handful amount of right-hand men/women if it wasn’t for their pride Lenore would have begged to be put in a position that would allow her to change Hell’s policy. Something they always manage to bring up, even during eventful tea times, those are rare their mother is always busy. The woman is still fun to converse with as she holds wisdom from more than 10 centuries of existence, it’s always useful.

✦ Details

✧ The reason why Lenore doesn’t have a much more important roles in Hell’s hierarchy is because they are young by Hell’s standard.

✧ Right now, Lenore isn’t trying to form any meaningful relationship, they’ll end up with Vaga nonetheless. I did not think of a specific sexuality for them honestly so feel free to fill the void with your headcannon if you want.

✧ Lenore’s a witch, while I’m probably going to go on a magical fantasies type of witchcraft, I’ll still have a few actual things that are actually practiced by actual witches. Plus there are a few practices that can be useful for the story.

✧ Them finding out about redemption and even wanting to do it in the first place is established much later.

[sualne]

I am vibrating over so many ideas for the vita carnis au ok like

Is luffy mimic just generally different or did laws encounter with the harvester kinda do something odd to him? Cuz I can think of messed up little ideas like how the carnis all seems to be connected (not a full hive mind but linked) from what we know so far so did law loose enough of himself to the harvester and get out alive (which just doesn’t happen) he’s not viewed as external anymore? Because that is a fun idea that over paranoid forever law is the only one who is exempt and will never figure that out.

Or another fun idea is that in escaping the harvester or conversely lost something TO law like I dunno, a small sliver of itself so once again law is just a non entity now compared to a target.

Fun enough idea but there’s something also creepy about luffy being a new subspecies of mimic who act more like scouts not just imitating to hunt but to LEARN

I need more ok I need more of this au

anon my beloved, my fucking beloved you can’t go around guessing my plot twists like that lmao im so happy but yeah!!! it’s still vague cause i’ve only been half thinking about it for a week but yea that’s kind of the idea!

the carnis are interested in law because he miraculously escaped that one encounter, his arm got eaten/absorbed like the rest of his family, it’s all gone, but law still has some of the harvester in him! not a lot, probably not detectable but the carnis know. that’s partly why neither mimic doflamingo or mimic luffy have any intention of killing him, they know he’s not a carnis but they can also tell there’s something carnis in him, it weird them out! it’s curious! so mimic luffy wants to know/observes law.

i think mimic luffy is a regular mimic but it’s a young one that doesn’t have a lot of experience impersonating people so he gets things wrong and is a bit slow. lowkey I wanted to have him be a representation of sort (including actual luffy) if not specifically autism masking but generally the feeling that you exist wrong and need to remind yourself to act human, that weird barrier and exclusion/isolation. having real luffy being a grieving self isolating guy who disappeared without anyone’s notice to be replaced by a more literal representation of his inner feelings but this time people actually like him even though they can't tell it isn’t him.

except law who one day had A Feeling that something was deeply wrong but still has no idea when it happened. and only starts taking interest in luffy now that’s he’s dead.

also about that comic, i wanted to show that law knew luffy’s laugh even if they weren’t friends/didn’t talk much but the monster that stalked and studied him specifically to impersonate him didn’t know what his laugh sounded like.

[cremateyourlife]

Endeavor sucks so here's a rant cause i've seen too many people say he isn't that bad lately

(CW / TW for abuse, ptsd mention) going in best order of episode events, but also including manga spoilers (sections are indented so you can skip the manga parts)-

this is pulling from source material but also very opinioned based. I get people saying he's an interesting character (kinda) but i hate seeing people excuse what he did because "aww he feels bad now." like him if you want but hating on other's for not liking him is just stupid.

it will also be long, but I have a lot of thoughts, hope at least some people agree with me lmao

i started typing this around when ch 390 came out so i know this has all been said before but with the new season coming out and like i said more people defending him i wanted to finally post this

"The Boy Born With Everything."

"That kid of mine will beat you some day, I'll make sure of it. That's why I created him."

Endeavor admitting he only had kids to be heroes, ones better than All Might, shows he does not truly care about his children. He only wanted them because he couldn't handle his failures. He sees them as a tool, not as his own kids, not as people. That's obvious in almost everything he says to and about Shoto.

And while I hate him, he isn’t a failure hero wise. He’s literally the # 2 hero out of however many hundreds there are. He’s simply mad he can’t beat AM? What is he a child who thinks he deserves everything he wants because he’s never been told no?

When Shouto finally used his fire Endeavor yelled about him finally realizing his “purpose.” More proof he sees his children, Shouto specifically, as tools. They aren't humans to him, they don't have their own feelings or goals, they are a means to an end. A means to his end. Shouto overcoming his own guilt (guilt caused by Endeavor) doesn’t matter to him. What matters is he now feels Shouto is worth something.

Class 1A vs 1B (i dont remember the exact episode names)

the flashback we get after Tokoyami talks to Shouto we hear Endeavor say, “Touya was close… Come on Shouto you’re the only one who can master this move.” Endeavor was putting the weight of his dead son's “failure” on the shoulder of his 5 (?) yr old kid. Making the kid who just lost his older sibling feel like he has to be better, or he could die too.

“Quit pretending to be weak.” Bro that is your very young kid. He is weak. Train him early, sure, whatever, but this is just abuse. You aren’t training him. Pushing your kid to the point of throwing up isn’t just training. It isn’t him being weak. It’s abuse.

I know this show is very flashback heavy in the first place but I really do interpret all the flashbacks Shouto gets of his dad as PTSD. Often times when fighting and in battle, after getting hit, he has memories of his dad. Sure, this could just be his motivation but I think it’s more than that.

"The Unforgiven."

"I thought if I saved you, that you might never say a word to me ever again." Aka Endeavor saying, "I should save my son, so he maybe likes me again." Natsuo my beloved. I love when he is an ass to his dad. His own son is saying he could never forgive him because why does he "need to be the one to make an active effort to change?" and that even though Endeavor wants to make up what does he think he can do now? Natsuo will always see his dad as the one who killed his older brother, and I don't blame him. Because that is who Endeavor is.

"He literally says in the episode he doesn't want forgiveness." And? He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't need to make Natsuo feel better for hating him when he has every right to after what his dad did to him and his entire family.

Sure, this episode is us seeing a "change" in Endeavor because he wants to be better, however, this is my post so I will say why I have a problem with this lmao. When did we see Endeavor start to change? After he became the number one hero. After he realized people were going to be looking at him even more.

The only good thing he does is realize that in order for his family to be happy he cannot be in the picture.

"Dabi's Dance"

Not including all the scenes I want to bc if I did, I'd just insert the entire ep lmao

"Oh, but he is changing. He regrets his actions." Why didn't he have regrets years ago when, to everyone's knowledge, his 13 yr old son had died? Endeavor didn't start feeling "guilty" until he became the number 1 hero. (as stated before)

And yes, we see and hear how upset Endeavor was over Touya’s death, but did he change? Did he stop being abusive and neglectful? Did he apologize and see his faults? Nope. So how bad did he really feel.

Dabi himself called him out on this during "Dabi’s Dance" when he said, “Is that why you finally decided to try to bond with your children? Keep looking toward the future and you can be a better man?"

On top of it all, Endeavor didn’t even step in to fight. Yes, he was shocked seeing his dead son in front of him again, but do you not think Shouto was shocked seeing his dead brother? He still fought.

Chapter 350

Many people say Dabi was born in the fire. However, that isn't true. Touya didn't die in that fire. He died and Dabi was born 3 years later when he went back home and had seemingly been forgotten about. He woke up in a strange place, covered in burns and sounding completely different. He wanted to go home. He wanted to apologize for all the awful things he said. He was told that he has been severely injured and once again that he was a failure. He was scared and alone. So, he goes home thinking he will be accepted with open arms, that maybe everything would be better, and everyone will celebrate yet he gets there, and his dad is still the same. Abusing his siblings and his mom is gone. Not only that but to Touya's POV, he has been replaced by his younger brother.

Plus does that not show you who Endeavor is as a person? That even after pushing his son to death he didn’t change.

"The Wrong Way to Put Out a Fire"

i won't include any clips or panels from this bc it is very intense and while this post will talk about it i still don't want to include those pictures

Going ahead and getting this out of the way because people love bringing it up for some reason, while what Rei did to Shouto was awful, obviously, it is not even close to being on the same level as the things Endeavor did to the entire Todofam. Rei was scared to look her own kids in the eyes because when she did, she saw Endeavor. She saw Endeavor's rage and feared for her safety, and in a moment of a clear panic attack and mental break defended herself, because look at Rei and tell me that woman doesn't have PTSD.

If the entirety of this ep didn't make you hate Endeavor and see he is incapable of change then idk what to tell you. Him convincing his very young child that his sole purpose is to be the next number 1 hero. He then finds out his kid physically won't be able to do that he tells him that he simply isn't good instead of sitting down and talking to him.

Buying Rei because he wanted to create his perfect child, then forcing her to be some baby machine. (Random fact that always haunts me is that Touya and Fuyumi were born in the same year.) Abusing Rei repeatedly. As well as, hitting her in front of the kids with a very young Shouto between them while the other two hide in a corner. Blaming Rei for Toya continuing to train when it is his own fault. Then on top of that, not going to Sekoto peak. He could have shown up for 2 seconds but no.

We also see another instance of Rei seeing Endeavor in her own kids when she tried to stop Toya from going and training like when Shouto came to check on her when he was little.

When Touya had a breakdown and tried to kill Shouto, instead of seeing the pain Toya was feeling and realizing his own mistakes, Endeavor just isolated Shouto from his siblings. Didn’t let him play with them, by what Natsuo said at dinner he monitored what he ate and when.

Also, I don’t wanna her “Dabi was insane from the start” after trying to kill Shouto. That was an abused child, turned neglected child, asking to be seen. Begging to be looked at. He, like Rei later on, snapped. He realized that if he wanted to be seen then the only one his dad cared about needed to be gone

Chapter 390.

Shouto finally shows up and brings Dabi down. Somehow Dabi is still alive and this is where he states that everyone, including him, should die. Endeavor then apologizes. Sure, he apologized, better late then never, whatever. However, it just really feels like he is speaking over Dabi. Dabi could be dying, could be saying his last words, and Endeavor starts talking. I will say I like how he acknowledges exactly what he did in some way. That he "pushed Rei past her breaking point", "put everything on Fuyumi's shoulders", and "abandoned Natsuo." It just all feels so empty and really doesn't mean anything with his entire family burned and scarred and Dabi lying on the ground, as well as Shouto passing out.

Endeavor’s “I’m sorry” only goes so far when his son is lying almost burned to death yelling for them all to die, Shouto over working himself to stop Dabi when even his dad couldn’t, and his non hero family standing on the battlefield as well.

In conclusion, Endeavor is an abuser. He pushed his 13 yr old son to death, pushed his wife past her breaking point then sent her away, neglected his other two children because they weren't what he wanted, and only felt bad after he achieved his dream. After he got everything he wanted despite it being built on a broken home and the victims he created along the way.

Like I said if you want to like him that's fine, but don't get mad at others when they don't like him. The Todoroki subplot hits home for a lot of people. It is a very serious and real situation. Take away the hero aspect and Endeavor is just another abuser in the world, something many people have been through.

Anyways if anyone read all of this hope you enjoyed. Hope some people agree. If you didn't leave an ask or comment lmao let's debate.

[nostalgia-train]

Yandere hazbin Hotel x Cain Reader headcannon

This has supernatural elements mainly the idea that the reason why Cain killed Abel wasn’t out of jealousy but because whenever Abel thought he was talking to god it was actually Lucifer (satan in this case) so to protect his brother from sin Cain made a deal with Lucifer (satan) where he would guarantee Abel a place in heaven while Cain would be condemned to hell forcing Cain to kill his brother and becoming his soldier after his death.

Once Cain is in hell I’d like to imagine that the Morningstar family take him in because Lucifer might feel bad about the whole Satan thing and also because they’re kinda related because of the whole Adam, Lilith and eve thing. To pay them back for taking him in Cain becomes Charlie’s bodyguard (before Vaggie does) to parody the whole “soldier of Satan thing”. I also imagine the Morningstars as platonic yanderes each one a little different from the last but they all work together to keep Cain with them and away from heaven. After all even before he sinned he was the least favorite child with heaven and Adam preferring Abel so they clearly don’t deserve Cain based on how they’ve treated him.

This would make Cain a pseudo royal member who I imagine as a very responsible and caring person after all he sacrificed his after life for his brother.

Meanwhile in heaven after their deaths Adam, Abel and the rest of heaven find out the real reason why Cain killed Abel and most of them start to realize their mistake. Abel and Adam would also be platonic yanderes with Adam’s take being that he wants his brother back Ann he finally understands his mistake so why can’t he have his brother. Adam on the other hand is a bit more complicated there are two parts of him where one just wants his son back but the other larger part views his kids as his possessions and what hell did as stealing after all Lucifer already stole Lilith (and eve maybe?) and as the person whose subordinates go down to hell he’s probably given the order where Cain isn’t to be killed and if they can try to “bring him back home”. Heaven definitely uses Cain as propaganda against hell martyring him to a degree for his noble sacrifice and this actually causes some people to be more open to Charlie’s hotel idea because it might be a chance to have Cain where he rightfully belongs. Cain of course knows none of this and if he did would want know part of it as he’s quite happy with his new family who love him very much.

Other ideas for Cain is that when Charlie makes her hotel Cain goes with her to still protect her but not to an insane degree (vaggie is still head of security) but he also might have a little garden or farm at the hotel to give the sinners a more productive hobby. He also would oversee hells agriculture as he was a farmer when he was alive.

I’ll probably put more specific aspects like specific characters and Cains role in the story in different posts but when I do I’ll make sure to link them to a master list

[hinalatte]

(Not so)Quick thoughts on Episode 13

I have a lot of things to say about the new episode (about Levi especially) and a little Hu analysis I can write now that her secret is confirmed, but it’s very late! But I still want to talk about things! So here’s a random collection of stuff I thought was interesting.

Spoilers under the cut!

Eden was the one who took out Xander’s eye with a fork. It’s interesting that she’s the weakest member of the cast, but somehow managed to injure Xander, the strongest by far. He must’ve been really caught off guard.

It’s also interesting that the weapon is a fork. It must’ve been a spur of the moment decision, otherwise she would’ve had a better weapon. Her distraught expression also implies she wasn’t planning on hurting Xander.

In the opening scene of the show, someone (likely Xander) says he has to kill Teruko. He says he “didn’t expect her to attack him like that”, which we now know is referring to Eden. But he also says he made a mistake to trust “them”. So Eden was working with someone else. She might’ve betrayed Xander on Teruko’s behalf.

Also, this scene emphasizes that Xander’s goal was to end the killing game! A goal which he never saw through, but David is trying to carry that torch for him.

This one isn’t related to the new episode, but I found this and it made me feel things. Eden says almost the same thing to Teruko in chapter 1 that Arei says to Eden in chapter 2.

I’ve been trying since last week to figure out what David knew about Xander. Their interactions in chapter 1 provide no clues, as far as I can tell…David doesn’t act like he recognizes Xander at all, except in their “role models” scene where he has this line. They did investigate together at the start, so maybe something happened then? Or maybe David was just determined to not let Xander know he recognized him. Or maybe David didn’t care much about Xander Matthews as a public figure before he got to know Xander as a person, and only started considering Xander’s career important after the fact. Or maybe he genuinely didn’t recognize him because he didn’t mention his last name? But in the MV, he remembers what Xander looks like without his eye patch, so wouldn’t that mean David knew what he looked like?

When Teruko claims to have the family secret, he makes a face like “I caught you”. Why did he react like that if he already knew what her secret was…? Does David know from his prior knowledge of Xander that the family secret is his?

It’s possible Teruko genuinely believes the family secret is hers, since she blames her own bad luck for the things that happen to people around her.

Eden can’t fathom the idea of not caring about people. She’s so empathetic it almost seems like a weakness, so she doesn’t understand how someone could lack empathy completely. I love that dynamic…I hope they both live so I can see more of it.

Arturo has a strong reaction to this because he still remembers Felicity.

Also, Arturo being a voice of morality this episode was something I did not expect, but I’m here for it.

Ace is absolutely lying. He’s the most gullible person in the cast. He definitely thought Levi was being genuine.

He pushed Levi away over and over in chapter 2, but Levi kept bouncing back from it, insisting he wouldn’t hurt him. That probably made Ace feel comforted, in a way. Like there was one person who wouldn’t abandon him, even after enduring all of his awful behavior.

It’s interesting that he brings up the term “friends” here. Since when were they friends? Genuinely. A guy expressing concern for you does not a friendship make, Ace Markey.

He’s also taking Levi very out of context. Levi says he doesn’t care about anyone at all, because he’s literally incapable of it. Ace takes that as a personal attack. Levi doesn’t care about him, specifically, and that’s a betrayal somehow. Levi never meant to mislead him about that, but Ace thinks he was lying to him. (It’s made worse for him because now he knows no one in the cast likes him)

Ace projects a lot of things onto people in general. Mostly negative intent. But in this case, he might’ve been projecting the idea of a friendship that wasn’t really there. It makes sense to a degree. I was also fooled into thinking Levi cared about Ace, but not because they were friends. It was because Levi like helping everyone, including Ace. Ace seems incapable of understanding that sometimes people do stuff and it doesn’t really mean anything.

I say all that as an Ace Markey fan. He’s my favorite character. This critique is from a place of love. Boy, is there a lot to critique about him.

I’m interested now in seeing how his relationships develop after this. His most important dynamics (Levi and Nico) either don’t care about him at all or hate him so much they tried to kill him (unless there’s a plot twist on that front). Is he ever going to have a friend? Or a confidant of any kind? Not if he keeps acting like that, but it’s kind of a vicious cycle.

Also did his friend die? Why does he say “his memory”? Okay Ace. Is this why his sexuality was confirmed?

Last observation for the road. Whit called David “Starboy” in chapter 1, and now “Sir Light Pollution” in chapter 2, continuing the trend of star-themed David nicknames. It makes sense in his head. (Why does he know so much about hanging)

[razorblade180]

Random MHA chapter 427 thoughts (spoilers duh)

Midoriya is a better man than me because I’m not getting called a murderer hatefully by someone who worshiped The Hero Killer. Sir, your idol tried to kill my friend’s brother who’s just a nice person.

“You should make it a comic” is unironically a really cold response. That’s crazy.

It makes complete sense society does not give a fuck about Tomura. There’s a difference between sympathy and empathy; even if they learned everything, it’s a hard sell to make people care about someone who took their sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, etc.

I do find it a little obtuse to pin society for people like Tomura and Dabi specifically when the main reason they were such a problem is literally because the personification of evil (AFO) was plotting on these for decades. Yeah Endeavor is major key for Dabi but that boy would’ve burned to death as a child or been found by his dad/firemen if AFO wasn’t being unhinged. Honestly if we’re talking about Hero Society failing anyone specifically by its structure, it’s Toga cause not having any solution for child development regarding taboo quirks like hers is insane. Spinner’s issue essentially racism and that’s a complex problem before hero society. That’s just a societal problem in general! I personally can’t pin that blame on hero society specifically.

I see so many people hating on Deku after reading this and I just don’t get it. The 15 year old boy literally did everything he could and gave up everything but his life for a person who by no means was going to turn over a new leaf and did not feel bad about his actions.

Overhaul has been nothing but a mentally broken/unstable double amputee that’s been in confinement ever since he lost. Don’t really understand why there’s a need to kick this guy more since the villain he was has been dead forever. He’s also objectively done less atrocities and yet nobody seems to feel bad for him. Dude was also an orphan taken in by organized crime too but since he abused a child we got to learn about he deserves no sympathy? Okay. Oh we’re supposed to feel absolutely devastated by Tomura though? Pfft, I’m not. “You should feel bad about Eri forever.” Okay, but can you he do that with prosthetics and a mental institution since Y’know… he doesn’t have a quirk.

Seriously, if the message is “society should do better when it comes to how villains happen” then at least give Overhaul the ability to eat without help. I agree with the idea of Eri not seeing him but like… that dude could rebuild Japan quickly with his quirk. That MF could probably fix Dabi if he tried. Maybe I’m not hero material cause with Eri’s consent, I would’ve negotiated giving his arms back so he could fix grandpa; but before he gets to save grandpa he fixes the country and gravely injured heroes. Does it cheapen some events? Perhaps. Do I want Bakugo and Deku to not have medical problems at 22? Also yes. I’m typically not big on undoing lots of things but it’s not like the heroes didn’t earn a portion of their life back. You can spin it positively. If Endeavor isn’t in a wheel chair, then nobody has to aid him cause I’m pretty sure his wife and Todoroki are just nice enough to wheel him around but they could be doing better things.

[kingcons]

The substance is the most upsetting movie of the year to me. Full disclosure, this isn’t any ground breaking stuff you’re about to read, just me writing down my thoughts. Most of which have probably been said before by now. But it you want to read my ramblings, here ya go:

Spoilers for the whole movie below. If you haven’t seen this movie and like extreme horror (specifically body horror) please watch it. It’s fantastic and possibly my new favorite movie.

Sue and Elizabeth both deserved a chance at happiness. That is the thing that kills me about that movie. Under all the gore and grimness and camp it’s just so fucking sad.

Anything one does to the other is just them doing it to themselves. You can try to kill the part of you that hurts or fails or is ugly or weak or older or more scarred or not as nice - but it’s part of you. You are one, as the movie says over and over. This is such a tragic movie to me.

Aging is body horror. This is partly because of societal pressures and toxic beauty standards, but it’s also a slow crawl to death. It’s watching something you need to live break down and fall apart in front of your eyes and not being able to permanently fix it. Death is an inevitability that comes for us all, but aging can be worse for some. When we die, whatever may happen to our soul or if anything even happens at all, it’ll happen whether we want it to or not. There’s nothing to fear in the inevitable, but there’s also no reason to rush what may be your only shot at existence. And if you do want to live a long filled life, you have to accept that aging is a part of it.

Elisabeth being so desperate for perfection and for her career back is a story that’s as old as time. It’s not really her fault she was pushed to use the substance, but it is her responsibility that she fully carried out making a new ‘better’ version of herself. She doesn’t really have any friends or family more than that, just a big luxury apartment with a giant picture of herself at her peak. It stares at her all the time, and it’s what she tried to be everyday. But even as Sue, suddenly that wasn’t even enough. She needed to be better and more beautiful.

It broke my heart when Elisabeth tried to kill sue despite how she ended up looking. She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to live as pain free as she could. And it was a further tug on my heart strings when she regretted this. Because Elisabeth had accepted sue as a part of herself, and was tired of hurting that part because it was hurting her. She just wanted it to end. She just wanted things to go back to normal and they can’t and it’s all her fault and she literally has no one in the world but her and her ‘more perfect’ self for comfort. And her ‘more perfect’ self then proceeds to brutally kill her.

I know it was mostly to hurt Elisabeth’s feelings but sue’s tv interview where she made up a story of her family is also oddly sad to me. She doesn’t have that. She has memories of Elisabeth’s life, but she has defined herself as a different person now. A person who came into existence in their early to mid twenties combined with the split consciousness of what was essentially her own mother. Of course she’s fucking terrified of switching back. Not only does Elisabeth herself like Sue’s body more, but to switch would mean she’s no longer in control and it would mean having to live in a decrepit and dying body who she herself has twisted beyond recognition. Then for Sue to be almost killed by her own giver of life (herself), lash out and try to kill the part of her who is unloved, and realizing that part of her even from after death is having the last laugh almost, as she literally falls apart piece by piece on what was supposed to be a magical night just for her.

Of course, we have to talk about their final form. Monstero Elisasue. Quick side note, I honestly don’t think Sue was stupid or irresponsible for using the activator even though it warned it was for single use. I think literally anyone in her shoes would do the same thing. She was breaking down in front of her very eyes and dying in such a slow and horrible way that she was desperate to do anything to stop it - to do anything to still be beautiful. She was in a crisis both physically and mentally.

Back on track, I think there’s definitely something to be said about although this was never meant to happen, the substance still made this in an attempt to create ‘a better version of both Sue and Elisabeth’. And it IS. not physically, of course, but emotionally this is when they finally accept themselves as one person and love themselves again. It’s so sad to me because elisasue was not evil or violent, but because she looked so horrific, it didn’t matter that she was happy to the crowd. They were terrified of her and killed her. Elisasue is not a monster, despite looking like one. She’s a new being. A copy of a copy. When she says “it’s still me” it breaks my heart because she genuinely thought she’d be accepted and loved just the same but instead she was met with violence and fear. She lived for only a few hours, and in that time she was shown nothing but hatred. Because it didn’t matter that she was happy, it only mattered that she couldn’t make money anymore. That is of course reading into the symbolism, the reality of what happened showed some understandable reactions even if they weren’t kind. Being disgusted and terrified of elisasue is pretty reasonable given how she looks and just what she is. I’m not saying she’s gonna win any modeling competitions any time soon. But I am saying that she finally figured out there was more to life than looks and youth and fitness and that, right there, is what thematically gets her killed.

At the end with her on the star, I felt almost relief for the first time watching that movie. She’s genuinely happy. She doesn’t care that she’s literally just a face and some fleshy tendrils, she’s truly happy and at peace. I don’t even know if she’s aware she’s dying at that point or if she just doesn’t care. Maybe she can’t comprehend it because her new form is so different from her first one. She dies after melting into her stardom. She gave everything to her career and it gave her nothing back. But at the very end, she’s at peace. She’s finally who she wants to be without the pain of toxic beauty standards. And she just fades away, like the universe finally decided she’d suffered enough for being human.

There’s a lot I could talk about with cinematography, music, sound design, lighting and practical effects, but I’ll do that another time. This is just me talking about my thoughts on the story and characters.

I rate this movie:

9/10. The only reason it’s not 10 is because I think the origin and creation of the substance is a bit poorly explained. However, that’s such a small detail that it doesn’t offend me. Also because I HATED the nail in the elevator scene that made me cringe. But yeah, this movie fucks hard. If you think you have the stomach for it, do not miss out. It’s very hard hitting and surprisingly sad. It blends crazy body horror with tragedy quite well.

very reminiscent of the fly, Raw/grave, it follows, the thing and even somewhat doctor who (anyone remember the eleventh doctor two part episode ‘the flesh’?) Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley are phenomenally talented. I am desperate for them to do horror or drama in future, they fucking killed it. Such talent and skill. Bravo. Coralie Fargeat is a very very good director, too. This idea and execution for this movie were wild and brilliant and awful and terrible all at the same time. She’s a true artist and I hope she does a lot more fucked up things in future.

[astralarchilocus]

I’m not normally the type to go on lengthy rants about stuff, but this shit has been frustrating me for such a long period of time that I need to get it off my chest. Biology based misinformation has always been widespread and problematic, but we’re entering a new era of this shit that’s reaching a whole new level of awful. “Pandas and koalas are evolutionary failures!” this, “honey badgers are immortal gods that fight whole lion prides and win” that, it’s all the same bullshit with the exact same set of origins. Carnivora fuckos, TierZoo, NatureIsMetal, Quora, etc. They’re all vile awesomebros or awesomebro infested hellscapes that have managed to successfully misinform a legitimately terrifyingly high amount of people. It’s actually horrifying that you often can’t talk about a lot of these animals without people immediately regurgitating awesomebro tripe straight at your face.

“But is this even a problem, Comet? It just seems like something you’ve been overexposed to because of you being a biology person above all else.” Yes it is, and it’s an enormous one at that! Such a rapid circulation of misinformation like this on such a scale is going to have cascading impacts on the general knowledge around animals and a lot of public perception around biology. And it’s likely going to pose a very legitimate threat to the conservation of a lot of animals. Remember how Jaws worsened already present stigma and misinformation present around sharks, and added to something that became so intense that it actually became a very serious threat to them as a whole? And that Jaws is a fictional story at the end of the day, and still managed to cause such immense misinformation in spite of that? This is literally that situation but with a much wider impact on animals as a whole (given that this insanity applies to animals in general instead of just one specific group), and with the misinformation being much more widely believed to be correct due to it not originating directly from a fictional book and film. Bit of a gross oversimplification, but it’s extremely bad. A prominent example of why this is such a big problem is the situation with cheetahs, who are literally only struggling because of issues (habitat loss and the accompanying population fragmentation and inbreeding) we caused, but are constantly being lambasted as evolutionary failures essentially solely because of the “horribly low hunting success” misconception and the fact they can’t fight predators that either outweigh them considerably, are social, or both, and that cheetahs literally cope fine with kleptoparasitism and just up the amount of kills they make in response to it with pretty little difficulty, on top of generally having the second highest hunting success rate among large-ish African mammalian carnivores. Cheetahs are getting all of their value as a species determined by whether they can fight other carnivores or not, and people try to sneakily obscure that fact by using the actually legitimate inbreeding issue as a strawman to support the “cheetahs are getting outcompeted and would go extinct anyways” bullshit. And this is all going to make conservation efforts to try and protect or save them that much more troublesome, because few are going to bother paying funds for something they deem a useless evolutionary failure. And getting the funds for such conservation efforts is difficult enough as is even without that being considered. Combine that with the fact that said conservation efforts are effectively useless at stopping or at least weakening the actual problems without enough funding to properly financially support such things, and I think it’s abundantly clear how much of a cascading impact this has on everything. And as said earlier, this isn’t only applying to cheetahs, but to so many other animals as well. We are entering what could legitimately turn into a dark age regarding biology stuff, and it is terrifying how omnipresent this shit is becoming. The misinformation is so widespread and commonplace among people currently that it’s almost definitely impossible to properly reverse by now, but that doesn’t mean we should just give up. Now more than ever, we need to fight back against this shit and keep it from getting even worse.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, there is a very strong correlation between awesomebros and bigotry, and most of the stuff just talked about almost definitely has inherent roots in anthropocentrism, general human bias, the aforementioned bigotry, etc. And if fighting back against bigotry isn’t enough of an additional motivator to fight back against this shit, I don’t know what is at this point.

[sokoneedsagun]

Let’s talk about “replacement”

If you’ve been in the dc fandom for longer than maybe a week, you’ve probably seen it before. It’s present in fanfics, tumblr posts, role plays, and fanart. On the off chance that you somehow don’t know about it, “replacement” is a sort of nickname often used for Tim Drake by Jason Todd

This post is going to be cut, I’m going to leave the explanation out but there should be two other sections under it as well

Where did it come from?

There are two possible places that the use of it came from

The first is from a Batman comic series from 2002 called “hush” and I’ll spare you most spoilers about the comic but the part of it that’s important to this conversation has to do with Bruce, Jason, Tim, Selina, and Clayface

While catwoman is fighting huntress (Helena Bertanelli) who is currently drugged by poison ivy, Bruce is worried that Helena is going to force Selina to kill her so he tells Tim (who is Robin at the time) to stay where is and look for someone

Before Bruce can tell him who he’s looking for a figure appears behind Tim and says he’s the one they’re looking for, before hitting Tim and calling him “pretender”

When Bruce finds Tim he’s being held at knifepoint by “Jason” who begins lashing out and then fighting Bruce. Eventually he melts in the rain and is shown to be only made out of clay, and the real Jason Todd is still dead.

The important thing about this, is that Jason never called Tim “pretender,” he never held Tim at knifepoint point (if you ever see anything about Jason “slitting Tim’s throat” that’s where it’s from, Tim was fine all he needed was a bandage), all of it was done by Clayface who was mimicking Dick Graysons movements and using what he knew about Jason to manipulate Bruce.

As to where “replacement” specifically came from, the only time I’ve ever heard about its origin was in a TikTok where the person who made the video said it came from a fanfic (which is very likely true), in the comics Jason has never called Tim by that name

Why does the nickname not make sense?

The nickname doesn’t make sense because if anyone would be a pretender or replacement, it’s Jason. Jason Todd is one of the original robins but he isn’t the original Robin. That title will always belong to DIck Grayson.

And in brining up something like this you have to acknowledge the origins of the moniker in the first place. The name “Robin” came from a nickname that Mary Grayson had for her son, I’m fairly sure the original reasoning was because he was born in the early spring. The reason DIck chose to go by Robin is because the name was important to him, it let him feel closer to his late mother, similarly to how the original Robin costume is based on his flying Grayson’s outfit.

But when Dick was 17 or 18 he was shot in the shoulder by the joker, and Bruce tells him that he can’t keep risking his life as Robin, so he fires him. Dick moves out to Blüdhaven, starts working almost solely with the teen titans, and gets a new moniker (nightwing) given to him by Superman.

And then Bruce adopts Jason, and he gives him Dick’s name and uniform, putting a new child in the way of harm. And yes, Jason did make Robin his own but it was not his, he would have no right to put a claim over the name.

Why does any of this matter?

In short, it doesn’t. There is nothing inherently wrong with writing Jason using the term but in my opinion for their relationship, it just dosen’t make sense.

In the comics Jason has a complicated relationship with everyone in the batfamily, he’s grappling with coming back to life and trying to find a place for himself while also working through his own grief and anger

When you read comics though, when they’re together they often work well together and even hang out a few times, there’s one panel where Jason is trying to take tim out to get a drink (underage drinking is bad don’t do it/lh), and they have a fairly normal sibling dynamic with each other

Which is why I don’t understand where the concept of all the hate and resentment came from in the fandom, I’m genuinely curious as to know why it’s so prominent everywhere

[chororine]

let's talk about Cubert Farnsworth

something nobody said during the production of season 7

The most striking thing about Cubert, to me, is the fact that in the most literal sense possible, he had no childhood.

Well, no early childhood – in “A Clone of My Own”, we see Cubert spring into existence as a fully-formed twelve-year-old, having only previously existed in a “mentally undeveloped” state in a tank in Professor Farnsworth’s basement. This is obviously convenient from a writing standpoint, allowing Futurama’s showrunners to introduce a new character effectively out of nowhere (their original plan to do so in “A Big Piece of Garbage” having fallen through) – but I think it also explains a lot about Cubert from an in-universe perspective, and makes an interesting lens through which to view one of the show’s most divisive characters.

Generally speaking, we as viewers are used to meeting characters and then witnessing their backstory, either all at once or in small chunks scattered across episodes - Futurama itself goes as far back as Fry, Leela and Bender’s births in seasons 3, 4 and 3 respectively – but Cubert is in the unique position of his “birth” (so to speak) also being his introduction to the audience. While most of that audience simply brushed that character off as “annoying” and that was the writers’ intention according to the audio commentary for his debut episode, I want to set authorial intent aside for now and focus strictly on what the text shows us: someone who was artificially created for a specific purpose, like Bender, raised without a traditional family, like Leela, and who entered the world of the 31st century through a glass tube, like Fry.

Despite having a surprising amount in common with our three main heroes, Cubert is markedly different from them in his actual personality, which (at first) is driven largely by reason and logical sense, and that… well, makes logical sense. As with most of the sci-fi concepts Futurama employs in the service of good stories and jokes, the show glosses over the finer details of how Cubert can emerge from the cloning tank with all his motor skills and the ability to form sentences, but it’s reasonable to assume that whatever arcane scientific process the Professor used prioritises imbuing the clone with concrete knowledge over anything subjective. Cubert’s behaviour corroborates this: the very first piece of knowledge he displays is (in a quiet subversion of cloning tropes) self-knowledge, namely the knowledge that he’s a genius.

ok so the park line isn’t strictly relevant but cmon you can’t quote this scene without it

Cubert’s approach to suddenly springing to life with a ready-made body and personality is to engage with the adults around him head-on: said personality is pompous, pedantic and pugnacious (...as in “confrontational”, not as in a crack about his nose). He struts into Planet Express like he owns the place (which, of course, he will one day) right in the middle of season 2, the point where it’s safe to say the audience and characters (even fish-out-of-water Fry) have both adjusted to the show’s status quo: Professor Farnsworth can create anything as long as it’s funny or convenient to the plot (or both); Bender is an integral part of the “family”; Leela can beat up anyone who deserves it. But Cubert, who was abruptly thrust into the midst of that status quo, relentlessly questions it: how exactly would scientists “increase the speed of light”? What use would a delivery company have for a bending unit? Should Leela really fly with just one eye? Audiences and characters alike generally like sticking to the status quo (as this ever self-aware show pointed out back in “When Aliens Attack”), so it’s really no wonder Cubert rubbed people on both sides of the fourth wall the wrong way.

you know someone’s being insufferable when not even Turanga “it’s not his fault he’s an unstoppable killing machine” Leela likes them lol. believe it or not this IS a pro-Cubert post stick with me here

Questioning established norms is no bad thing, but the way Cubert goes about it is very... blunt, and far from endearing: he’s dismissive of the Professor’s “junk heap” of inventions and viciously mocks the Planet Express crew, painting people he’s only just met as incompetent and, later in the episode, calling Fry an idiot to his face. Make no mistake, this is… as we say in my neck of the woods, it’s not on. But while Cubert’s lack of socialisation “growing up" doesn’t excuse his tactlessness, it might very well explain it - along with him lacking the childlike wonder his fellow suspended animation survivor, Fry, felt at being thrust headlong into a world where the only limit to science is imagination. To use the episode’s Arc Words, “nothing is impossible”... except, it would seem, Cubert fitting in with the misfits who make up Planet Express.

Professor Farnsworth is eager to take Cubert under his wing, but also demonstrates where the latter gets that bluntness, being transparent about his intent to have his clone “spend his life finishing his inventions”. With that in mind, perhaps it’s not surprising that Cubert initially attempts to distance himself from the Professor, coldly referring to him as… well, “Professor”.

This is a detail that’s easy to miss or overlook on first viewing of the episode, but it effortlessly and efficiently explains what kind of relationship between the two Cubert initially desired: he acknowledges that they share DNA, but would prefer a “creator-creation” dynamic – perhaps akin to a robot and their maker - over anything familial. He states his disinterest in fulfilling his intended purpose as an inventor without a trace of the self-doubt that plagued Bender upon quitting his job and meeting Fry (or in the face of being replaced by a more up-to-date robot, or of being forgotten, or…), creating the impression that Cubert has a good deal more confidence and self-awareness than even an adult in a similar position to him, but also that he’s – let’s be fair to him – a complete dick, pointedly declaring himself the Professor’s “only half-decent invention”.

But as is often the case in fiction, that complete dickery serves a purpose in creating the catalyst for the episode’s fast-paced third act: the dejected Professor checking himself into cyber-retirement. In a perfect example of the characters’ recently-found comfort with the status quo, Fry immediately expresses a desire to rescue his boss who causes him more problems than he solves (what with the potentially fatal delivery missions and all), but who’s also family - a sentiment his non-blood relatives, or at least Leela, seem to share.

The only person at Planet Express who questions this desire is - who else - Cubert, but Fry brushes off his concerns with a well-placed “nothing is impossible” (the episode’s second use of the phrase). As an implicit reminder of Cubert’s status as a misfit among misfits, he, as a child character among a cast of adults, lacks the agency to avoid getting dragged along on the rescue mission for reasons that aren’t initially clear, to him or the audience.

It turns out Cubert’s purpose on the trip to the Near Death Star is to be both a DNA donor and part of Fry’s 160-year-old man disguise. Our three heroes do most of the heavy lifting (literally in Fry’s case), relegating Cubert to what he initially does best: complaining. While he does express a bit of (at this point) uncharacteristic concern for the comatose Professor, it comes after he airs his grievances about the ridiculousness of Leela’s plan, having to be Fry’s hump and the “stupid robot” – so maybe it’s a bit of well-placed karma that he gets knocked out mid-chase scene by a passing space station door, neatly excising him from the episode’s narrative.

...or so it would seem: in reality, the episode’s final two scenes circle right back to Cubert and his character arc. He springs awake to deliver the episode’s third and final “nothing is impossible”, having finally internalised the truth of it - and the secret of how to fix the ship’s damaged engines - thanks to a conveniently-timed dream (a borderline deus ex machina that may be an allusion to Groening and Cohen’s inspiration for Cubert, Wesley Crusher of Star Trek: The Next Generation – I did say at the beginning I was going to set authorial intent aside “for now”). Despite this apparent 180, Cubert demonstrates that he’s still fundamentally himself by shooting down Bender’s labelling of his discovery about the ship’s engines as “a complete load”. Evidently, Cubert’s nocturnal, almost divine revelation enabled him to use his sharp tongue for good rather than evil, as this discovery and Cubert’s quick repair of the engine is what allows the main trio and Farnsworths to safely escape from the Sunset Squad.

The episode’s conclusion uses a few well-chosen words and pieces of animated-acting to bring many aspects of Cubert’s character full circle. Most obvious among these is the conflict of whether or not he’ll fulfil his intended purpose; the Professor granting Cubert permission not to is a noble but ironic gesture, as the latter admits to having accepted his destiny, but only on his terms: not as a copy, but as a family member. Futurama, at its best, is masterful at showing and not telling; for instance, because Cubert initially addressed his creator as “Professor”, him switching to “Dad” completely unprompted feels like a display of agency as well as love.

And because Cubert had no childhood, him smiling with his whole face for the first time in the episode also marks him doing so for the first time in his life.

Let’s take a brief step back outside the text itself and look at it in relation to the various reactions viewers have had to it, because the episode’s resolution is something that… well, viewers have had varying reactions to. Looking up the episode on Wikipedia, you’ll find a citation of The A.V. Club’s review: one Zach Handlen wasn’t a fan, claiming that “[Cubert’s] shift from “This is stupid and doesn’t make any sense” to “Anything is possible!” doesn’t make a lot of sense”. YouTuber Johnny 2 Cellos seemed to enjoy the episode and Cubert’s character considerably more, but still said of Cubert’s decision to follow in his father’s footsteps that he’s “not sure [it] was the best lesson” - and honestly, they both raise valid points. Cubert’s change of heart is rather abrupt, and a step removed from the typical feel-good narrative of choosing your own destiny and becoming whatever you want… but nonetheless, I do think it’s a plus for his character, and to explain why I need to go back to the very first episode of the show.

The aforementioned “choosing your own destiny” narrative is so prevalent that Futurama itself has played with it from the beginning – and I do mean “played with”, not “used wholesale”. This is, of course, a fantastical show, but it always keeps a degree of emotional realism close to its heart; part of that realism is Fry’s one-way trip into the future not being the straightforward wish fulfilment he initially expected, as his new life still involves having a job, and it’s nominally the same dead-end job he once longed to escape. But Fry isn’t resigned to this: instead, he accepts the hand the universe has dealt him and makes it work for him…

…in fact, the theme of accepting one’s fate on one’s own terms is a theme that runs through Futurama all the way to the end of the original run.

And right in the middle of that run lies Cubert, perfectly exemplifying that nuanced theme with little more than the word “Dad.”

That choice to – again - show and not tell the change in how Cubert views his creator-father is something that I feel mitigates the suddenness of his change of outlook: wanting to emulate one’s father is a different feeling than wanting to emulate one’s creator, and a very human feeling... as is having sudden, eye-opening experiences in one’s preteen years. Cubert’s arc in this episode could be seen as a microcosm of growing up, and as a story of someone who thought he knew everything realising he still has growing up to do… and about a season later, we get to see him do some of that growing up.

Much like Cubert himself was initially intended as one thing and grew into another (on both meta and in-universe levels), I started this post with the intent to analyse him as a character but it ended up more focused on “A Clone of My Own” specifically – I might as well continue on this path and analyse “The Route of All Evil” as well. However, I don’t feel the need to do so quite so meticulously simply because Cubert is a far more straightforward character in the latter episode - and that in itself speaks volumes about what’s going on under that ginger muffin-shaped haircut.

This episode provides an explanation of Cubert’s absence throughout the second half of season 2, a glimpse into the life he’s been living off-screen at boarding school and something any good character needs: a companion to bounce off of. Dwight has less distinct characterisation than Cubert (partly as a result of having one less episode worth of development at this point), but I do think what he does have is worth analysing. I won’t do so too deeply, at least not here, simply because it’d be outside the scope of this post, but I will touch on the aspects that are relevant to my point: the ways in which he complements and contrasts Cubert.

Cubert and Dwight are similar in their intellect, precociousness, love of retro video games (really retro by the year 3002) and in being besieged by a bully, but the latter is less talkative and more chilled-out (as exemplified by him having no visible reaction to his best friend being sent flying by a mail tube), yet more business-minded: his immediate reaction to being presented with something new (always a fun way to tell us about a character) is to question its value as a product… while Cubert’s reaction to the same new thing is to use it for a prank.

As he demonstrated with Bender at the end of “A Clone of My Own”, Cubert hasn’t lost his fire in gaining respect for his father’s line of work: again, him addressing the Professor as “Dad” says a lot with few words, and remembering the context of his debut episode makes his “useless contraption” comment feel more like playful ribbing than genuine dismissal. Indeed Cubert spends much of the first act of this episode causing annoying-but-ultimately-harmless problems for the adults around him, along with Dwight, who evidently shares his interest in pranks. That interest of his wasn’t explicitly shown in his debut, but feels like a natural offshoot of his sarcastic sense of humour... and could also be chalked up to the change from the ultimate sheltered upbringing to a “normal” school environment. That in itself is a refreshing approach for the show to take: while probably done for simplicity’s sake, it shows that Cubert’s clone status is no barrier to him enjoying a normal childhood, as Leela’s orphan status was to her, or Bender’s robot status sometimes is to him sharing his adulthood with his organic friends (but the specifics of Cubert’s school life are more within the realm of speculation and headcanons, so I won’t dwell on them here).

Of course, the main thrust of “The Route of All Evil”’s plot is Cubert and Dwight’s business endeavour: Awesome Express. Again, I don’t need to analyse their motivations for founding their own delivery company too closely, because… well, Dwight outright states them in the episode.

Most people can relate, on some level, to wanting a loved one to be proud of them; a desire so universal is a perfect demonstration of Cubert’s newfound normality. It’s a sharp turn from his apparent superiority complex over his father and future employees in “A Clone of My Own”, but clearly one that made him happier: the permanent smug grin of his debut episode has given way to laughter at Hermes’ expense, casually sharing Dwight’s game console, celebrating their victory over Brett Blob (or rather his window)… I could list more, but you get the point. Enjoying the childhood that started twelve years too late without really dwelling on it feels like a natural evolution from where we left Cubert in season 2 – but not a wholesale change, as he still possesses the spark of madness he inherited from his father.

In the process of running Awesome Express, Cubert and Dwight make both upstanding and underhanded decisions: they have the prodigious business skills to quickly become more profitable than Planet Express, and rather than frivolously spending their earnings, they put them towards fair wages for their new employees Leela, Bender and Fry… and the absolutely vital flame decals for the ship.

Not all their decisions are that ethically sound or badass, though: Cubert and Dwight ultimately kick out and fire their fathers, respectively. Professor Farnsworth becoming homeless (though Hermes and LaBarbara are willing to at least temporarily put him up) as a result of his son’s hubris is another time I can see where Cubert’s haters are coming from, along with his moments of ableism directed at Leela’s vision problems and Fry’s… er, That Brain Thing – but karma swiftly comes down upon him and Dwight when they grow overconfident with their workload, leading to the first time we see Cubert cry on-screen (one of only two unambiguously canon times in the entire show) and the aforementioned admission of their motivations.

Luckily for the boys, their fathers recognise the purity of their motivations enough to forgive them for their questionable behaviour, and are quick to “do a little father-son weaselling out of this”. Professor Farnsworth and Hermes prove their love for their sons with actions, not words, solving their problem with the former’s arsenal of gadgets and the latter’s perfect aim as a “paper-man”... and ultimately put themselves through the ringer by attempting to fight the father of their sons’ bully, Mr. H. G. Blob. This one-sided “fight” results in slapstick humour, but also a show of Futurama’s emotional realism shining through its often cynical sensibilities.

This episode’s ending focuses more on “three fathers, enjoying a day out with their sons” as a group than Cubert or Dwight as individuals, but that in itself is a nice way to bring this duology of episodes full circle: Cubert is Professor Farnsworth’s son, no different from how Dwight and Brett are Hermes and H.G.’s sons. Perhaps he does fit into the abnormal, non-traditional family that is Planet Express after all.

fun fact: “Planet Espresso” dropped while I was still writing this post and it made “The Route of All Evil” hit different now I know Hermes in particular was working extra hard to end the cycle of parental neglect. not relevant to the whole “Cubert good” point but still interesting, at least to me

Now, you’re probably thinking that this is the part where I talk about “Bender Should Not Be Allowed On TV”, and… yeah. You’re technically right, I will briefly touch on it – but it won’t be complimentary.

Someone being “out of character” is a common complaint when it comes to TV show writing, but I’ll be completely honest: in my opinion, having Cubert, a character whose whole deal used to be questioning the status quo and authority figures (and in “The Route of All Evil” trying to surpass them), open the episode by admitting he and his equally precocious best friend want to mindlessly emulate what they see on TV goes beyond “out of character”. Cubert and Dwight’s intellectual-yet-rebellious nature would’ve served this plot perfectly, as it would’ve provided an opportunity for the writers to call attention to them not acting like themselves as a result of Bender’s influence – but the key gap between idea and execution is that the adults around them don’t treat their mindless viewing habits as something out of the ordinary for them. A simple “this isn’t like you” from the Professor or Hermes would’ve gone a long way, but as it is, it feels as though the boys’ past characterisation was intentionally ignored in order to more easily execute a storyline that could’ve been done in The Simpsons, with Bart and Milhouse succumbing to the allure of a newly-famous Homer’s bad influence.

In particular, the line “we can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank” kind of breaks my brain: we’ve seen that day in the show, and the more I go back to this episode, the more I feel like there’s nothing left of the Cubert the Professor extracted from the cloning tank – the one I just spent five pages analysing - in this specific Cubert (or the Dwight who crushed Planet Express with Dwight Lightning in this Dwight, for that matter). No scientific skills, no use of his trademark snort, no biting-but-good-natured jabs at his adult companions… nothing. To be fair, the episode does have a few nice ideas (the concept of a Growth Scraping Day itself, Tinny Tim becoming the third member of the kids’ friend group and them getting to do a little crime as a treat), but they’re so thoroughly surrounded by… well, everything else that I personally choose not to incorporate this episode into my mental picture of Cubert (or Dwight).

I’ll be the first to admit there are a lot of duds and weird writing choices among the post-revival episodes of Futurama, but I also think fans of the show have a tendency to put the Fox era on a pedestal while completely dismissing the later seasons - even though “Bender Should Not Be Allowed On TV” (along with “Bend Her” but that’s a rant for another time) proves that even season 4, often touted as the show’s peak, can be as guilty of bad characterisation or formulaic plots as the Comedy Central or Hulu eras. Conversely, season 6 in particular was flawed but did plenty of things right, and one of those things was using Cubert in interesting ways: “The Late Philip J. Fry” is the most famous example, but “A Clockwork Origin” and “Overclockwise” are both notable for succeeding at building on the foundation laid out in “A Clone of My Own” and “The Route of All Evil” - where Cubert’s last outing of the original run failed.

Whether that foundation was laid down intentionally or simply as a compromise between multiple creators, writers and directors that happened to meet a particular subjective reading, to me it’s an incredibly strong one: a fish-out-of-water who was abruptly thrust into the chaotic world of the 31st century but survives and thrives in his own funny, interesting, slightly unhinged way, just like Fry, Leela or Bender. Cubert isn’t for everyone, but I hope I’ve demonstrated why he resonated with me so much when I watched the show at his age, and why thinking of him as simply “the annoying kid” was… well, impossible.

This post is long enough as it is, so rather than analysing “The Late Philip J. Fry” (well, enough people have analysed that one already that I don’t really need to) and the two “clock” episodes of season 6, I’ll leave you with the suggestion to (re)-watch them yourself with an open mind… and to keep an eye out for Cubert in the Hulu run. As I alluded to at the top of this post, season 7 conspicuously pretended he didn’t exist outside of one dubiously canon skit, so maybe it’d be too much to hope for future seasons to explore him in detail… but as a wise old man and his son once said, nothing is impossible.

Not if you can imagine it.

THANK YOU FOR READING (or at least skimming) ALL THE WAY TO THE END OF THIS POST!!! as a reward for indulging my autism please treat yourself to a nice turducken spread with your found family. merry hulurama to all and to all a good night

[everythingelseisextra]

Cain (Tommy's POV)

WARNING: This chapter contains the darkest material in Only The Wild Ones so far. This is not a fun chapter. Message me for more details if you'd like to know the specifics behind the warnings. Read at your own discretion.

Part Seventeen: The Ends Of The Earth

Description: A decision is made. Tommy goes on the hunt and learns a new respect. Warnings: Effects and mentions of drug use, implied pedophilia, abuse of a child, implied child trafficking, language Word Count: 3500 Tag List: @theshelbyslimited  @ttaechi  @weaponizedvirtue  @majesticcmey  @optimisticsandwichgladiator  @zablife  @princesssterek  @mm0thie  @callsignvenus @ay0nha  @mgdixon  @fairytale07 @dreamy-caramel  @ce1iat  @algae-tm @dragonsondragons @trentknd @nothingofsimplicity @babayaga67 @shelbydelrey @globetrotter28 @look-at-the-soul @notalxx @chaengist @cookiez56-blog

“Tommy… You—” I can hear it in her voice before she says it. 

I nod and put the box back in my pocket. “So, when you’re ready, you tell me, and—”

“Your turn to listen.” She wipes the tears from her face and draws herself up, resetting herself, taking a breath. “You’re right. You’re not a good man. You made promises to me and didn’t keep them, you toyed with me, you scared the shit out of me. You say you care for me but only act like it sometimes. And I know a lot of the time, it’s not really your fault. It’s hard to care for other people when you feel fucking unwanted, trust me, I know. And I know you just experienced a blow. Probably an understatement, honestly, to what just happened. But you can’t take that out on me. You can’t exert the power you have just so you can feel in control. So, no. I won’t marry you. You’ll have to handle having a woman in your house who’s not a whore, a wife, a nanny. You’ll have to handle a woman who isn’t just a body for you.” Her eyes carry something in them, half fear, half mercy. “But, there is a bright side. I know you’re not loyal. I know you’re not always kind. I know you manipulate and act like a child when you’re grieving. I’ve seen the worst and I’m still here. I guess that says something about me.”

“You haven’t.” The words are heavy, burdened by weight in my chest, on my heart. “You haven’t seen the worst.”

“No?”

I shake my head. “I’m bloody violent.”

She chuckles. “Oh, you think I care about that? Need I remind you that I killed two men myself, one at point blank?” 

I look up at her, seeking the distaste I saw in Grace when we talked of the illegal side of business. She stares back, puffy eyes and drawn skin, unafraid, unfaltering. I tilt my head. 

“You won’t marry me. You won’t fuck me. You won’t let me pay for necessities. Why, then, are you staying in this house?” 

Her gaze turns to an amused kind of incredulity. “For a smart man, you really can be thick sometimes, you know that?” 

I smile faintly. “No one but you is ever brave enough to tell me.” 

“But, still, you do know.” She sighs. “I’ve stayed with you because, in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the only person that makes me feel safe. Despite your particular neurosis, or maybe even regardless of them, you’re the first one I’ve met to know the shit I’ve been through and not back away because of it. Hell, you might’ve even gotten closer. And I owe you. I would’ve ran. My whole life, all I’ve done is run, and it was you who convinced me to stay. It was you who taught me I could fight. I probably knew all along, but you forced me to become the person I desperately needed when I was younger. You’re worth it to me to stay, even with the bullshit that comes with being Tommy Shelby.” 

She says my name and it sounds kinder than when I do. I pull my legs up onto the bed and lean back a little, drawing myself up. Tommy Shelby. My reputation precedes me, always has. Not with her. Never with her. And I know with some certainty that came from almost chasing her away, that I will always be able to do the difficult things. I can be scared and carry on, I can send my family to prison and take a breath and play with my son for an hour after. But the easy things; eating when I’m hungry, drinking something other than whiskey, coaxing myself to sleep at night, speaking the truth when a lie is on my tongue, and admitting that I am hurting. Doing that without her will bring me back to that rottenness in my head, all the muck and smoke left over, the sickness from my mum. 

“I don’t know what I can do that will be enough of an apology.” My hand on the sheets clenches a bit and scrunches them. 

“I have a few things to start with.” She draws closer to me, blinking bleary eyes at the sad state of affairs that I’ve become. I nod for her to continue speaking, to place her demands, and her voice turns to something more authoritative, stronger, despite the tear streaks down her face. “You’ll respect our relationship and not sleep with other women. You’ll talk about what’s going on in your head instead of literally shutting me out. And, most importantly, you’ll quit playing games. I don’t like doing that. All I want is to lay my cards on the table and give you what you need, and you can’t take advantage of that. The only apology I need is proof that you actually do want me here and do value me without belonging to you, physically or metaphorically.” 

It’s often that I forget about the sleepy-eyed kid I used to be. He’s in my head, somewhere, behind the gunsmoke and ignition. That boy was the definition of youth. Rebellion in his bones and impulsivity at his very fingertips, and he thinks that the world is cruel, so then, he won’t be. He’ll be kind and protective of the weak, the dying, the horses and the wild ones. That was the problem, then, that he softened himself so. He was hurt too easily. And I think that that boy loves her. Simple, yes, uncomplicated, childish love, but love nonetheless. When she asks for the apology of admiration and respect, he knows he can give it. 

I worry that I cannot. That boy was before the war. That boy is a made-up voice in my head, and I am real. I am the man who has regrets piling up around him and who fears that he will never make a better mistake. I am the man who has a woman who wants him but doesn’t want him and talks about metaphors and broken promises. I am the man who has died more times than he can count and still wakes up every morning to face a cold sun. 

“Okay.” I look elsewhere, unable to meet her eyes. 

“That isn’t much of a promise, Tom.” 

I take a breath and look up. “I promise.”

She nods. “That’s better.” 

I think I’ve gotten too used to being broken. Pain tastes sweet when the knife is sharp. I like when my head is in a fight with my heart, when that conflict can distract me from the rest. I like when I’ve grown so sharp that no one can grasp me. I like when the whiskey sings away the no-man’s-land between myself and others. So, when she asks me to be a better man, to treat her with the same regard as she does me, I falter. I worry that she’ll see the rips and tears in me and decide that the healing I’ve done has been in the wrong places.

A small smile turns my lips and my eyes are on hers. “I promise you don’t need to forgive me for us to continue. I’ve never been innocent, and now you know it.”

“I’ve known.” Her lips press together. “Don’t go thinking I’ve been oblivious.”

The faint smile I managed falls away. My heart aches to tell her, to confess my sins and repent, the way Polly would want. I cannot tell her, not until I know that it’s worked, until I can tell that the business I’ve conducted has run its course. Maybe I will never tell her, simply open her cage and let her fly without another word.

—

There are men here with names that are written on a list hidden in a locked drawer. Their heavy feet creak the wooden floor, predatory stances with gazes that provoke. This darkened bar knows I’m here. The bartender catches my eyes, waiting for me to move on one of the women who walk along with low cut dresses and pupils blown unnaturally large. They serve drinks here, yes, but they’re the appetizers to the meal of women. The men pair themselves off with one or two, disappear into a backroom, or up the stairs to the small quarters above. Music from a gramophone drowns out the thumping and moans. 

I’m not interested in the women. I’m not interested in the men. My attention lies on the bartender. A seedy, badly-dressed older man with yellowed eyes from years of using cocaine, with the name of Harold Bates. I asked around, found that he’s been working in this bar since before the war and has been an ally to the men who purchase these women’s services. 

I’ve become a regular and a joke. Widower Tommy Shelby, drinking alone in a front for whoring, refusing to partake in the hedonistic celebration of man’s power. They know me as the man who favored Lizzie through the years and who has little reserve when it comes to women. The line between them and I blurs. 

It’s hard to find the words to describe the fragility of the web I crouch on. My reputation helps steady it, but so much else seeks to dismantle the plan I’ve built. The question I’m about to ask will tremble the silky threads. I am relying on someone else’s ability to keep quiet, when I would rather send them into silence permanently. Simply put, any blood spilt today will reveal the spider hiding on the web to the fly that buzzes just out of reach. 

I meet Harold Bates’ eyes and quietly tell him; “Bring me the youngest.” 

I expect questions and receive none. Harold nods and walks behind the wall that separates the bar from the back room. When he returns, I find I can’t breathe. The girl in tow looks to be no older than ten. Emaciated body, crudely painted fingernails, dressed like an adult, showing off curves that don’t exist. I see the woman I’ve left in my house and promised to protect, who killed two men and faces me daily with no fear, and I remember how old she was when she was sent away to a powerless life. Eight. Fifteen when she finally got out. I think of Charlie, three years younger than she was, and nausea rises heavily in my stomach. 

I can’t speak, so I reach out and take her hand. Her eyes are wide, intoxicated. She wavers when she walks in heels too big for her. I lead her, half holding her up, to one of the side rooms I’ve deemed is empty. A rotting, bare mattress sits on a metal frame in the middle, walls with peeling paper, the strong smell of sweat and warm bodies. She walks over to the bed and I turn to close the door. My eyes meet the bartender’s through the closing crack. He must think me a sick fuck, for taking this terrified young girl alone into a room to use her as I wish. 

When I turn back around, she’s sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, the top of her dress undone to reveal a boyish chest.

I look away. “Put it back on.”

“What?” She looks to me with those same lifeless, glassy eyes. “Aren’t we—”

“Put it back on.” So I can look at you without sickness bubbling in my throat, because there are marks on her chest and stomach that look like her’s, and I don’t want to imagine what’s been done to children like them. 

She does so, fumbling with the lace in the back. I stand by the door and wait for her to finish to look. 

“No,” I say. “I’m not going to touch you. We’re not doing anything.”

“But then—” She looks down at herself. “But then what are we doing?” 

I can hear the fear in her voice. Men have done worse, I think, than touching this girl. None of those marks on her were owned. 

“We’re talking.” I slip away from the usual commandment I use in my voice, into the tone I use with Charlie. “I have some questions.”

“Oh, you want me to answer them like someone else, right?” She smiles a little, eyes hazy, as if she’s proud of herself for figuring it out. “You want us to play pretend before you—”

“Answer as yourself.” I look away again, swallowing hard. “Tell me the truth, and I’ll pay you.”

She shrugs. “I don’t get any money. He does. I have to give it all away to him, but if I’m good, maybe he lets me buy some new clothes.” 

“Who’s ‘he?’” I cross my arms and lean back against the door, as far away from her as I can be. 

“He says for me to call him my dad. So… I guess my dad?” 

“Do you know his name?” 

She shakes her head. A small barrier, one that we can easily get around. 

“What’s your name, then?” It comes out gruffer than I meant. 

“Hollis.” She smiles again, still small, still not meeting her dead eyes. “The regulars call me Holly because they like it better.” 

“Hollis,” I say. “Where do you go when you’re not here?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you that.” Her smile falls and she looks away, dark hair falling over her eyes, a shelter. 

“I won’t tell anyone.” It’s not a lie. “You’d be allowed to tell me.” 

I’ve learned through Charles that children like exclusivity. Anything limited-time or called special appeals to them. That includes people. I set myself apart from the other men who use her and she, in turn, gives me something that I need. 

She frowns, but speaks slowly. “It depends…”

“Depends?” I push a little, needing more. 

“Depends on whether it’s my dad or another man who takes me home. Sometimes they like me overnight.”

“When it’s your dad, where do you go?” 

“His flat. There are other dads there, too, with their girls. A lot of them are older than me, though, so…” Her eyes slide shut and she lays back on the filthy, stained bed. 

“When you’re at his flat, what other buildings do you see?” 

Her eyes open and her brow furrows. “Why do you want to know?”

I shrug, playing it off. “Trying to picture it in my head.”

She nods and stares up at the ceiling, her hands on her concave stomach. “There’s like… a movie theater, but no one ever goes in it. And there’s lots of other flats around with people we don’t know. Sometimes we use the movie theater for other girls when we run out of room. No one bothers us. It’s kind of nice. Like a sleepover.” 

“How long have you been with your dad, then?” 

“I don’t know, I guess a few months?”

Children must be made of clay. Moldable bits of creativity spawned by the people around them. An adult would never adjust so quickly to a life of abuse the way Hollis has. Thing about clay is, in large amounts, it’s impossible to break through. Used to slow us down in the tunnels. This girl, like everything else malleable, is haunted by the shape she used to take. I wonder, then, what hope she has. I decide to ask. 

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I pull the box of cigarettes out and light one. 

Her eyes flick over to me. “Can I have one?” 

“No. You’re too young,” I say on reflex. Charlie asks, and that’s the answer I give him. It doesn’t feel right to say to her, who has lived enough pain to last lifetimes in mere months. 

Her brow furrows but she doesn’t argue. “I wanted to be with animals. Like an animal doctor or something.”

I take a drag, let the dry smoke fill my lungs, familiar, then exhale slowly. “You say ‘wanted.’” 

“Yeah, well.” She gestures at herself. “I got another job now, and Dad says it’s not gonna end til I’m older and can’t do it anymore.”

There’s some kind of bile rising in my throat that I can’t swallow down. I take another pull of the cigarette. “Tell you what. There’s a woman I know who had your job, and she has horses. Twelve of ‘em. She’s a fucking fighter, beautiful, and bloody smart. You hold your head up, and you’ll see those horses some day. I’ll bring you to them.”

She looks up at me, eyes wider than before. “Really? I can— I can give you— I can use my—”

“No, you don’t give me anything. You get yourself through this and I’ll take you to the horses. That’s the deal. We’re conducting business, Hollis, you understand?” I take a small step towards her and she shrinks back, hand going to the low v-line of her dress. I stop and look away. 

“I understand.” She stands and looks at me, smoothing her dress down her thin body. “Dad says I’ll be nothing if I’m not with him.”

“You’ll be something with or without him.” I hear her words in Hollis’, the fear of not being enough without sex. My heart twists. I validated that fear myself. “You’re worth something either way. You hear me? You’re more than these men make you think.”

She nods, gaze dropping to her feet. I reach into my pocket and pull out the amount I’d seen the others pay. 

She looks at it, then up at me. “That’s too much.”

I raise an eyebrow, holding it out. 

“I’ll get in trouble if Dad finds out this wasn’t what I normally do. Here.” She takes the money, takes half, and hands the rest back to me. “There. Now he won’t know.”

“Now he won’t know.” I manage a weary smile. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Cain.” It’s the first thing to come to mind. 

She smiles back. “Thank you, Cain.”

And then she’s gone, out of the room, past the bartender, and into the back room. I’m left in an empty room. When I look back, I notice for the first time that there are chains on the bed frame. I take a breath, pulling myself together, and walk out without another glance at the bartender. 

—

When I return to Arrow House, I find her working in the stables. There’s dirt smeared across her shirt and sweat dripping down her neck. She’s putting Iris back in his stall, likely her last horse of the day, considering the sun is slowly crawling down the sky. I stand at the mouth of the barn and watch her in silence. 

This woman is tougher than I will ever be. This I know. This I have seen. And I’m in awe of her. If it were me I wouldn’t be able to look at a man. I wouldn’t be able to live in the same house as one. I would be at a loss for trust and turned away from the idea of love, of respect, because the world had shown me none. I would wonder constantly why the universe didn’t love me back. 

I’m lost in the insignificance of myself as I watch her wipe sweat from her forehead. Maybe I’m only passing through her life, a blip in the wildness of running and running and running. Maybe I’m a moment waiting to pass for her, and maybe I’m her forever. I won’t know until she tells me. I wonder if in some past life, we crossed paths. I am not a religious man, but I have to believe I have been without her for far, far too long. 

For her, I will be brave. I will learn to let someone see the war torn parts of myself and still look her in the eye afterward. I will refuse to follow the instinct to send away, to abandon, to refuse. This is a promise I make to myself, that I will be better, I’ll be the man she thinks I am. 

She notices me and a smile flickers across her face like a candle flame. She does not run to me. She does not grin and wave. Just a small acknowledgement. I see you. I am glad you’re back.  That is enough. To be seen. Maybe, all my life, I have been looking just to be seen by someone. Forget being devoured. Forget love with teeth and savagery. This, right here, this is what I’ve been wanting. She sees me. She knows who I am, and still she smiles when I appear. She knows I kill, and so does she. She knows I lie, and so, sometimes, does she. She knows I was in pain, she knows I still am, and so is she. 

She knows I was a soldier. I fought, and so did she. 

Except there are no child soldiers. Only child victims.