#so if someone wants to retell their story and fix it so it keeps the later romance but takes away the toxic beginning

[enixamyram]

That is the second TikTok video that has shown up on my FYP that is someone giving a Webtoon artist a hard time for their story about Ganymede. I already made a post about this but I feel like I need to keep saying it. Because I genuinely think there is some level of something (homophobia) that makes people not bat an eye at the dozens upon dozens of Hades&Persephone retellings but lose their minds at a possible Ganymede&Zeus retelling.

And the really frustrating thing about all of this? I'm pretty sure the artist has already said their story isn't going to be romanticising Ganymede's story and I've seen some of their related artwork backing this up. Yet these videos are full of people being passive aggressive and downright trying to bully the artist over it.

So frustrating!!!!

[petercaths]

Jack and Kate first meeting rant:

Idek where to start with this, so it’ll be very rambly. Actually, I’ll do bullet points that seems easier.

�� I saw a post a few weeks ago that attempted to bash Jate’s first meeting by presenting how Jate is entirely self-serving to Jack’s characterization (which I disagree with, both the purpose of the first meeting, and Jate only being there to serve Jack).

• I think Jate’s first meeting is a nutshell of what these two characters do for each other; Kate is a source of trust for Jack, perhaps the biggest he has. The fact that he’s able to give her this story in the first place is so monumental for who he is as a character. Especially as we see the flashbacks unfold. But in this moment, Jack NEEDS someone to stick by him, someone to literally fix him in the way we see him ‘fixing’ others in the aftermath of the plane crash.

• He tells the story for himself, because he’s terrified. But he says it for Kate too. And here-in comes what Jack offers Kate, which is inspiration and a source of strength— probably the biggest source of strength she has on that island.

• I’d say for Kate, it really comes down to; once upon a time she fell from the sky, and a man asked her to help him. To fix him. To do something good. And she doesn’t think she can do it. I mean, Kate in that moment is disoriented and terrified, and she’s letting that fear take over her senses, and Jack sees that and so he tells her his story. He tells her it’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to let yourself take a beat, but then you have to keep going.

• And you visibly see Kate take comfort in this, and you see her visceral change because not only is someone comforting her, they’re comforting her while she’s also doing something for them. After all the guilt she feels for the aftermath of what she’s done, she finally has a chance to do something that saves people.

• But, I think what’s even more interesting about the way this scene presents both characters, is that with Jack we see the breaking of a facade. I mean, his very first moment is him running into burning wrecked to help people, and presumably having everything under control. So, this moment kinda deconstructs what we were being shown 5 minutes ago. And again, there’s that talk about trust. In s3 Jack asks Kate to retell this story because it’s probably the most personal thing he’s ever told anyone. So the only way HE can trust that she’s safe, is to have her recite it to him.

• With Kate, it is the aftermath of the scene that best serves her character. She tells Jack “if that were me I would’ve run…” and he says “you’re not running now.” And whilst Kate may be a very good runner, it’s something that has brought nothing but misery to her life. She hates it. She wishes she didn’t have to do it. And in the aftermath of the crash, when Jack asks for her name, she has the opportunity to lie. She has the opportunity to re-invent herself. But she doesn’t take it, because the simple act of helping someone else— and having that someone believe in her— is enough to make her want to stop running. It’s a kindness she hasn’t been shown before, and she carries it with her for the rest of the series. When she’s with Jack, Kate doesn’t want to run.

• And then we have the visual storytelling for Kate. She goes to the cockpit with Jack, the bear attacks, and Kate runs away. But when she doesn’t see Jack, and realizes she’s lost him— she lets the fear in the way he taught her. And then she goes back for him. She goes back.

• And it’s through this that we start to learn the type of person Kate is. Someone who runs, maybe. But also someone who has the strength to not leave others behind, even when it would be better for her if she did (as we then see in 1x03 with the farmer).

Anyways that’s my Jate rant for today ✌️

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 94

It's time to tie up loose ends starting with Mithrun.

Sums up perfectly what happens after all this.

Like Flamela says, the demon was made by mana to better communicate with humans and Laios destroyed it. Magic isn't gone, but the methods that allowed magic use may no longer apply.

Before it gained an appetite, mana was responsive to answering the desires of living creatures, and it ate desires to try understanding why everything wanted to eat even though eating wasn't a permanent solution to their hunger.

After Laios ate the demon's appetite, it still had the power to speak, understand, and curse Laios for doing something it didn't like. At best, magic will probably still work the same, but there will be a greater divide between what magic can and cannot do since mana has lost the desire to do whatever it takes to satisfy whoever wields it.

Laios's reaction after watching Fleki casually try to suffocate Mithrun.

Revenge stories always have that "And then what?" aspect to them. What if you get your revenge? It won't bring back what was lost or fix whatever was destroyed. Sometimes they end with the person feeling no satisfaction, other times they end with the person finding some other outlook in the process.

Mithrun's story has a twist to it where revenge is literally the only thing that kept him going. His story was not this tragedy of someone becoming so obsessed with revenge they let everything about them be swallowed by that desire until it's all they have left. Instead, everything else was taken from him and his only options were wither away as an empty shell or devote himself to pursuing an impossible goal.

The end of his revenge story is not the usual tragedy of having nothing left after achieving his revenge. The demon was thought impossible to defeat. But now that it's gone, there's nothing left Mithrun can do.

Something about Kabru has endeared him to Mithrun from the moment they first met. The first time Mithrun ever spoke in the series was in response to Kabru's concern about the Canaries entering the dungeon. Mithrun thought Kabru was plotting something, but was willing to follow Kabru's suggestion of evacuating and sealing the dungeon rather than charge in and kill the dungeon lord. But it was that moment in chapter 54 where Kabru spotted someone unaffected by the mushroom spores that turned him into a person of interest to Mithrun.

Maybe Mithrun had a similar knack for understanding people before he became a dungeon lord. His retelling of events to Kabru was filled with dozens of names and everyone's relation to each other. If that's true, maybe Mithrun wanted Kabru around because Kabru could understand him in a way no one else could.

It's why Mithrun was willing to tell Kabru everything, why he was mad Kabru betrayed him, and why Kabru was the only one able to convince him to keep living.

The demon's modus operandi was to make someone with strong desires a dungeon lord, prune them of everything that wasn't related to that desire until the dungeon lord was singly focused on it, and then eat that desire and leave the lord as an empty husk. Then it would seek new victims to repeat the cycle.

One of Dungeon Meshi's themes is the importance of conservation. Senshi periodically stresses that the party should only take what they plan to eat, and he got into a lot of arguments with Marcille because she would overdo it with her explosions. The kraken chapter demonstrated the importance of conservation to a degree by showing that the kraken eating too many fishmen caused the fourth floor ecosystem to fall into disarray.

Kabru's talk with Mithrun is an abstract extension of conservation. As long as a person lives, they will have new desires. The demon acts as an antithesis to this theme of conservation because it would eat so much until there was nothing left. It's end goal was to extract as much desire out of everyone in the world without much thought about whether it could keep that up forever.

Marcille is genuinely scared of Mithrun and she's seen what he can do with that cloth.

I don't know how to explain why these moments are always so funny to me.

all I can think of when trying to parse this image is one of those shots in a romance anime where the person makes that beautiful face and we suddenly see roses and sparkles and a zoom-in on their face.

But the roses and sparkles is just a weird elf thing cause they always have to be pretty and the faces are very much not people making beautiful faces.

Or maybe its the contrast of Mithrun being all "Look at me and how wonderful I am" while the party is about the throw out their backs because of him.

Looks like Mithrun is using the slice of flesh he teleported rather than the sheet to cut the body.

Kabru said you can get new desires and Mithrun is working to carve Falin's body because he's gained a desire to help her. He doesn't emote often, but whenever he did, it was almost always when he desired to save someone from his own fate.

Mithrun has had a desire to save people from becoming uneaten scraps like him. And he would become more his "self" whenever he had an opportunity to fulfill that desire, whether that meant he would speak softly and sympathetically while pleading for a lord to stop, anger and resignation when he had to kill them, or whatever he's feeling right now as he carves Falin's body.

Sometimes, Mithrun's eye would turn back to its original silver color. If his true desire was to be finished off, then maybe those instances were him thinking he was going to die. His eye changes color in fights but it also changed when Kabru grabbed him in chapter 55. Those instances might be because he thought he might die whether because he was charging into a dangerous fight or because he got startled by something. When he fought Marcille, his eye turned black when he thought he'd won, but it turned silver again when he realized he failed and was going to die.

I can never tell if Senshi recognizes when people are using food as an allegory and he wants to add to it or if he thinks people are actually talking about food and he wants to give them cooking advice. But either way, he always manages to say exactly what someone needs.

Mithrun might be scraps right now, but with the right methods, he can becomes something new or grow back to his old self.

back

[jessiemeows]

Lost & Found

Chapter 1: My Dagger Happy Friend 

A/N: First impressions mean everything, right? This is just a retelling of events of how I think it would have gone down during Amaya & Astarion's first meeting. It played out similarly to how it does in the actual game but after this, things start to be different :) I'm very slow when it comes to writing so I'm sorry if I don't come out with a chapter like once a week. I would expect one to two chapters in a month. Of course, I will be writing other things, like headcanons or short little stories that I think of. :)

Pairing: F!Durge, OC (Amaya), Tiefling, Selunite Cleric X Spawn Astarion

Rating: 18+!!! mentions of violence, blood, corpses, death, basically durge things if you know how that character is

WC: About 1500

Previous chapter here

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Story:

"Gods, what a mess," Amaya muttered through gritted teeth, crawling herself towards the makeshift dock nearby. The tiefling had been wading in the cool waters of the Chionthar, desperately seeking relief from the wound on her leg that a flaming intellect devourer had so graciously gifted her.

Her muscles began screaming in protest, as she hoisted herself onto the weathered planks and collapsed, the sun's warmth washing over her face as exhaustion tugged at her consciousness. Every struggling heartbeat sent waves of agony through her body. Fighting against the pain, she pushed herself upright and summoned what little magic remained within her. A whispered healing word incantation brought forth shimmering streams of white light that caressed her skin like a warm embrace of moonlight. She then quickly uncorked one of her two remaining healing potions, and liquid warmth pooled in her stomach as the wound began to knit her torn flesh partially together.

Pushing stray curls from her eyes, she rummaged through her pack with trembling hands, she found some clean gauze. As she wrapped her injury, she noticed her left wrist bindings were soaked crimson with blood. Working quickly, she cleaned and dressed both wounds, though the effort had left her head beginning to pound, she sank back down on the makeshift dock again and closed her eyes.

Her thoughts wandered to the two women who'd helped her aboard the Nautiloid. Though their names escaped her, the dark-haired half-elf- another cleric, she'd wagered- stood out in her memory. Right now, Amaya would have given anything for anyone that could help with a healing touch.

Just as she was about to drift a man’s voice shattered her reverie. "Help, someone please help!" The voice pleaded. Curiosity overcame caution, and Amaya pushed herself to her feet, limping toward the sound. 

The man who'd called out towered over her, a pale elven man, whose appearance bordered on almost unnaturally perfect, as if he possessed an ethereal presence- silver curls arranged with precision, framing his sharp features, his dark rich blue and maroon doublet adorned with intricate gold designs without a single thread astray. There was something else about him, a sense of familiarity that tugged at the edges of Amaya's memory.

"Hurry," the pale man whispered, crouching near a bush. "I've got one of those brain things cornered." His vermillion eyes fixed on her, brows furrowing. "There, in the grass. You can kill it, can't you? Like you killed the others."

"Uh, sure, I can handle it. Stand back," Amaya replied, her instincts screaming that something was wrong. As she approached the bushes, a wild boar burst through the foliage. In that same instant, strong hands seized her waist, and her feet swept out from under her. She hit the ground hard, her attacker's legs tangling with hers to prevent escape. Cold steel pressed against her throat.

"Shh," the elf breathed, his voice low and dangerous sending a shiver down Amaya’s spine. "Not a sound- not if you want to keep that darling neck of yours." His piercing gaze began to lower and fixate on her vulnerable neck. Amaya clawed desperately at his dagger arm, her long nails clawing at his skin and drawing blood, but his grip remained iron-tight.

He clicked his tongue, pressing the blade deeper. "Now, now darling, let's not be difficult. I saw you on the ship, didn't I? Nod."

Suddenly the world around her shifted, plunging her into a vivid flashback. The cloying scent of thick, coagulated blood hung heavy in the air, and she found herself once again surrounded by the thousands and thousands of lifeless corpses from her earlier nightmare. That same pale, elven face that had transfixed her in her dream now stood out starkly before her, with a dagger pressed against her neck. 

As the flashback began to fade,  a searing pain lanced through her wounded leg, clouding her thoughts.  “Answer me, damnit!” the elf demanded raising his voice. She shook her head in protest, tears welling in her eyes. In desperation, she twisted his knife arm trying to lift herself up, but he slammed her back into the dirt. "Don't lie to me! I-agh!"

Again, suddenly, something twists, but this time, it's between both of their minds- the tadpole that infected them formed a connection, linking their minds. Through his eyes, Amaya glimpsed dark, crowded streets. She could feel his fear- his fear of not only the worm but also of the light and the dread of someone, someone that he knew.

"What was that? What's happening?" he snarled, his grip loosening for a precious moment. Amaya sought the opportunity to escape his knife arm, but he recovered too quickly.

"Ha! A fine effort, but I've seen it all. I was walking this land while your ancestors were learning to crawl." He growled into her ears. The dagger bit into her skin, she could smell a faint metallic smell of her own blood. "Now, tell me what just happened!"

Her head began to race, brewing up a dark tapestry of violent methods to murder the elf. She could weaken him with a quick sacred flame cantrip, burning his knife hand and easily gaining the upper hand. She could quickly topple him and slice his neck wide open with his own dagger, savoring his death as she bathed in his blood. Every fiber of her being screamed for her to act, to give in to the impulse, to give into the urge. Oh, how the urge would love to be drenched in his blood but this wasn’t her, this was not what she truly wanted.

The pounding in her head intensified as she fought to suppress these sick, intrusive thoughts. Only after a few agonizing seconds did Amaya finally snap. "We can talk when you stop acting like a paranoid lunatic!"

The pale elf's disapproving click was followed by a dangerous smile. "Stupid. I saw into your head, you know." His expression darkened but he then slowly released her, both of them rising cautiously. "You're not one of them. They took you, same as they took me. I'm half tempted to spill your guts all over the dirt anyway, but for now—apologies." His voice had a hint of sympathy.

"'Apologies' better not be all you're offering," Amaya growled, brushing dirt from her tattered clothes. "Though I can’t entirely blame you, I was looking forward to seeing yours spilled too." She avoided his gaze and began to fix her bandages, wincing slightly. The elf had reopened her wound, and the throbbing pain only worsened by the dirt and sand that now covered it. Infection was a looming concern, but she would have to worry about that later when they finally found somewhere safe.

"Aha, a kindred spirit! But I'm afraid I'm all out of wine and flowers, so an introduction will have to suffice." The elf offered a theatrical bow. "I am Astarion. I was in Baldur's Gate when those beasts snatched me and you are?"

Amaya straightened her spine, finally meeting his gaze. "I'm... Amaya. Amaya Othzál, I think," she said softly, arms crossed. The more she looked at him the more captivated she was by his breathtaking beauty, possibly the most stunning man she had ever seen. She felt a flutter in her stomach as their eyes met, her cheeks beginning to flush with a faint pink tinge.

"A pleasure," Astarion purred, resting his slender hands on his hips. "So, do you know anything about these worms?"

"You know as much as I do," the tiefling responded to him flatly, rolling her eyes at him.

"I suppose it's not exactly common knowledge. These worms are already affecting me- I can feel it." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Now what to do about it..."

"And, what's your plan?" Amaya said as she studied him carefully.

 "Well, getting out of here might be a start," Astarion drawled sarcastically. "Then finding someone who knows about these worms. I need an expert. Someone who knows how to control these things..."

Amaya's face contorted in shock, "Wait, hold on. Control them? I want them gone!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, yes, of course," he dismissed with a wave, his tone nonchalant. "But first things first."

"Well, maybe we should travel together, I could use the company," a smile finally graced her lips. "As long as you promise no more daggers at my throat." the tiefling suggested playfully.

"You know, I was ready to go this alone, but maybe sticking with the herd isn't such a bad idea. And you seem like a useful person to know.”  He placed his hand over his heart giving her a mischievous smile. “And I promise on my honor, no more daggers at your throat. Unless you give me a reason."

Amaya giggled at him, now giving him an even brighter smile, “Very well, follow me then.”

As they set off, Amaya’s thoughts swirled as her body felt disappointed in her, a waste that she didn’t kill the man. She could feel her body recoiling against her again, beginning to feel nauseous. She then swallowed hard to keep herself from retching.

[cioud-berries]

The Autobiography of a Sinner || Chapter 3

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Finally not a 10K word chapter. Since we're getting into the more cannon events, the chapters wont be spanning over YEARS and will most likey be about this lenght. 

I hope you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it!! Pls LMK your thoughts. I also started reading the manga so things will be more manga accureate from now on but there are still small details I will change fore entertainment and storys sake

If you haven't you should join my discord server! it'll be fun!! Link in quotev and wattpad bio) or here: discord.gg/SPNmyV8qJR

Love you all and than you for reading!!

Summery:

The retelling of events that led to The Rumbling and the aftermath from the perspective of someone who was a cause of it.

~ (written as an autobiography so "reader" is more like "writer".) The perils of being in love with your comrade. Going from childhood friends, to finding yourselves in a strange land completely alone, will cause anyone to grow close. After certain circumstances, they become more distant than they ever had been before. Being forced to come back together again to save the world would seem more challenging than either of them would think.

Category:

Reiner Braun x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter Warnings:

Graphic depictions of violence. (cannon typical)

Word count: 5,196

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845-846

To the People of Paradis:

I often think of Viktoria’s trauma when I think about the day we broke down your walls. I think of how horrific it was for her to experience what she did. I think of how the suffering we have caused you is nothing in comparison. I have hurt people in unspeakable ways and I deeply apologize for it even though I know my apologies don't fix anything.

↭

They gave us just over a week off to spend time with our families before the trip. It showed how little they cared for Eldians, even the children. We were to be gone at least for a year, at most, forever. Yet we only had a week to say goodbye to our family.

That week was the only time I felt truly loved by my mother. It was strange. For once, we felt like a real family. No worries about war or titan shifters, no worries about the oppression we received.

We were spending almost all of our time together. Talking, playing games, whatever it was, we all had fun. But with that held the underlying sadness. It reminded me of the dinner we had with Viktoria. 

I sifted through Viktoria’s items and found a simple silver chain. Clipping it around my neck, I wanted to keep a piece of her with me. Even though I already did with her power within me, I wanted something more physical.

Finding my creaky floor board, I pulled it up, not caring if my father found out, because I would be long gone by the time he did. Grabbing the box full of Viktoria’s items, I placed it under the floor.

I didn’t know how long I would be gone for. I didn’t know what my family would do in the meantime. To be safe, to keep Viktoria’s items safe, I wanted to hide them. No matter what was to happen, I promised to come back for them.

❃

The week went by in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it, I was hugging my crying family, promising them I would return. I had never seen my dad so distraught. It was worse than him losing his government position. I could sense a severe shift in his opinion on the Marlyan government.

I parted ways with them, not knowing when I would return. I joined the other four on the carriage. We were to be paraded around the town, shown off before being sent away with no support than ourselves. 

I sat at the end, beside Reiner. I could immediately tell the difference in demeanor from him. Just a few days ago he was spouting how excited he was to kill the island full of devils.

Now he was sat quietly, zoning out. I had thought that he finally realized the insanity of it all. Just as the carriage began to move, I leaned over to him. “Are you okay?” I whispered, not wanting to draw the attention of the others.

He shook his head. “I met my dad.” He explained. I immediately knew it didn’t go well.

Reiner’s dad was a Marlyan. Due to his mother being Eldian, they were forced to be apart. He had it in his head that they could all live happily if he possessed one of the ten. It was obvious by the way he was acting that his dad didn’t agree with these plans. 

It’s not like it even mattered at that point. We were being shipped off. The hopes of coming back were slim.

While the carriage moved along the street I awkwardly sat staring forward. Annie did the same as I. It seemed as though we were the only ones really feeling the weight of our situation as the other three waved at the cheering crowd happily, Reiner’s mood was quickly changing. 

What is the point of the few minutes of fame if we were just to leave. These people, these Marlyans, won’t even notice we’re gone. It won't affect their day to day lives. They might hear us in the paper from time to time but then forget it by the next day. But our lives were to be ruined.

❃

Within the hour we were at the port, walking onto our ship. Our items had already been delivered, even though most of our personal items had to be left behind.

We all went to the stern of the boat to say our final goodbyes to the country. I caught a glimpse of my family. My mother was holding my sobbing sister. My mother couldn’t even look at me as her head was on my father’s shoulder. That would be the last time I ever saw her and she couldn’t even look at me. My father held his cap in his hand, waving it in the air to say goodbye to me.

With a small jolt, the boat began to move away from the port. We all stood there for a while in silence, watching the city get away from us. Eventually the others got bored of watching, walking away to explore the ship. I on the other hand refused to rest until I couldn’t see the city anymore, hoping my father was doing the same with the boat.

Soon enough nightfall came. I could still see the light of the city far far in the distance. Reiner came up behind me informing me that dinner was ready.

I shook my head “I can’t eat. Not yet at least.” I mumbled the last part.

“They’re cooking us fresh caught lobster.” He tried to convince me. He leaned against the railing beside me, back to the ocean. “It smelled like those high up officer’s lunches. But better.”

I cracked a small smile but it quickly disappeared. My eyes were trained on the small yellow dot in the distance and I feared if I looked away I would never see it again.

“Come on, you should come inside. It’s getting cold out here.” He tried a different way of coaxing me away. He turned around, looking out to the ocean. He knew exactly what was on my mind. “This isn’t the first time we’ve been away from home. We’ll make it back like we always do.” 

“No I won't.” I said back. I don’t know why I said that. It was my instincts.

“What do you mean?” He was shocked by my words. I could tell he was questioning if I would commit treason.

“I don’t know.” I said breathlessly. “I’ve had this sickening feeling that I will never make it home again.”

“Don’t say that.” He reached out for my hand. I only moved it away from him, not wanting it. Pausing for a moment, he continued. “I’m here. Not just me, Bertolt, Marcel, and Annie, we’re all here and we will all make it back.” 

Reiner’s word’s didn’t settle my stomach one bit. We sat in silence for about ten more minutes before the small speck turned to black. 

I pushed off the railing eyes tailing up to the sky, knowing my father was watching the same stars that night. “Could we come back out after dinner?”

“Of course!” Reiner smiled, not seeing any reason to object.

❃

We were only on the boat for two days. The island of Paradis wasn’t far from Marley. I didn’t even watch us arrive at the island. I went to bed one night and woke up to us being docked. They fed us greatly before unloading the horses and then us. 

Against the dock was a large wall with many staircases going up to the top. This is where they took the bad Eldian’s to turn them into titans. They would drop them off here to harass the people of Paradis. People that had no knowledge of the outside world.

They made sure we would have enough food for the next couple of days to at least make it to the walls. We were reminded of our mission; Informed when in the month they arrive; And warned to go at night to avoid any titans. 

Then they left us alone with our horses. We sat on the beach watching the boat float away from us. Waiting for the sun to go down. We didn’t talk much, the weight of everything crushing us.

Marcel was the one to finally speak up. “I think it is safe for us to start moving.” We got on our horses, trotting closer to the wall.

Marcel was the oldest so he naturally fell into the leadership position. Not because he wanted to, but because we forced him to. He was just as scared as we were and it was worse as a leader. 

We rode in silence for hours. Our horses moved at a slow trot, none of us wanting to arrive quickly. Eventually the moon started to descend from the sky.

Tying our horses up to a tree, we made a fire to huddle around. Finally we began to talk. We talked about our trip so far and then it turned to our mission. 

The way Marcel and Bertolt talked quietly about it made it evident that they didn’t want to be here either, even if they were happily waving to the crowd on the carriage. I couldn’t help but chime in, expressing my wishes to return home.

Reiner was shocked, betrayed by our words. Shakingly, he asked, “Don’t tell me that you’re hesitant to kill the devils of this island?”

He continued to spill on about our mission and the propaganda the government had shoved down our throats. I always shut down when he got like this, and this time was no different. 

I told him “No one here cares about that.” It was something I had been wishing to say for years, and with the feeling of impending doom, I finally got the courage. At least I didn’t have to worry about people overhearing it and turning me in.

Mercel finally shut Reiner up by saying. “I’m sorry.” Reiner was silent, not understanding his words. “You weren’t supposed to be chosen as a warrior.” He admitted. 

Marcel for months had been praising Reiner to the higher ups and made his brother- Porco, look bad. He did this in hopes of keeping Porco away from danger, away from this island.

At this point, Marcel was crying. He felt guilty that he was the reason Reiner had to be  to be subjected to all of this. Reiner still didn’t understand the weight of our situation as he stood quietly.

The sun had risen by this point and suddenly the ground began to shake. Before any of us could realize what was happening. A small titan had risen from the ground behind Reiner. 

All of us but Marcel froze in fear. Marcel pushed Reiner away from the monster as it grabbed for him. The titan grabbed Marcel instead, putting him in its mouth as it bit down. Mercel's blood squirted everywhere, pouring out of the monster’s mouth.

Reiner was the first to run, as he was the one to get hit with reality first. Bertolt followed, then I. Annie was slow to respond, but was the only one to grab her pack before running.

We ran and ran and ran. It felt like it had been hours, but we had to make sure we were far enough away. Reiner was far ahead of us, never once looking back. He eventually fell under a tree. Screaming our names out, he assumed we too had been eaten. 

Annie informed us that we were there by kicking him in the stomach. I yelled at her for doing such but my complaints went unheard. Reiner screamed out of fear, thinking that he was about to get eaten.

Annie began to state what we should’ve done differently, saying we should turn around now, as it would be useless for us to try and continue on. 

I couldn’t agree more with her. I didn’t want to be on that island in the first place. Bertolt agreed too. With seemingly all of us in agreement, we started to walk back to the beach.

Reiner on the other hand disagreed, calling out to us, saying we couldn’t leave and that we should stick to the original plan without Marcel. I didn’t listen to him. I wanted to follow whatever plan got me home quicker.

Annie remarked that she understood why Reiner wouldn’t want to go back; saying he would be eaten by the next in line. I froze, not knowing what to do. I didn’t want to attack these people, but I also didn't want Reiner to die.

At that time, Reiner was more important to me. “We would all be killed if we went back now.” I added to Reiner’s point, despairing. I fell to the ground, grabbing my head as it felt like it was splitting. Our mission hadn’t even begun but we were already faced with such a disparaging choice.

Reiner began yelling. I could hear what he was saying but I wasn’t listening. Eventually, Annie shut him up with another kick, but it was then followed by screaming from her. 

All I could do was watch in horror as they fought one another, crying for them to stop. Bertolt stood to the side, quietly begging as well. I couldn’t hear their words over my own cries, but by their faces, I could tell they wanted to truly kill one another.

Reiner got Annie in a chokehold and ended the fight by saying. “Reiner is dead. If Marcel is what you need. I’ll be your Marcel.”

Reiner was never the same kind hearted boy ever again.

❃

Everything moved very quickly after that.

Annie and I had taken turns transforming to run. It took ages for us to even see the wall. We had titans chasing us the whole way, trying to eat us like they did Marcel. By the time the wall was just out of our reach, we both were exhausted and couldn’t continue. 

Reiner had to transform to make the final push. He ran right to the base of the wall to drop off Bertolt before bringing us a safe distance away. The hoard of titans were hot on our trail. It would only take a few minutes for them to be on us.

Bertolt transformed. This was the first time I had seen his titan so close. It was terrifying for me, and I wasn’t the one on the inside. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt to see that thing appear over the walls that were supposed to protect you. Especially if that thing was to break down your only protection. 

I huddled closer to Annie’s semi-conscious body. Surprisingly, Reiner’s body jolted forward. I looked up to see a titan peering down at me over Reiner’s shoulders.

With one hand, he protected Annie and I, the other he tried to force the titans off of him. Suddenly he began to run towards Bertolt. That is when I noticed a titan sauntering towards Bertolt. By this point Bertolt had already kicked in their gates and detransformed. He was vulnerable freshly out of the colossal titan’s carcass.

The titan was too close to him. There was no way we would be able to make it in time. I thought we were to lose another within just a few hours. But before Reiner could reach the titan, it turned its attention to the hole that had been created. Slowly, it moved through the hole, into the town. 

Grabbing Bertolt, Reiner  quickly climbed the wall getting away from the titans below. Once we arrived at the top, he laid us down gently. He turned to the city below, ready to descend and cause more havoc. Even from up there I could hear the screams and panic of the innocent citizens.

“Wait!” I called out to him. “I want to come with you.” I don’t fully understand why I said it. Maybe it was because hours ago I was sobbing at the thought of losing him, I didn’t want him to go alone. 

I could tell he was hesitating, but I pressed on. “I have the energy. I was able to recover while Annie did the last bit of running.”

Reiner finally gave in, laying his hand down for me to climb into. 

As he clawed down the wall, the screams got louder. Everything was already overwhelming. He ran away from the wall, knowing there were too many titans to allow me time to transform. I couldn’t even look as I faced his titan body. 

Finding an empty alley, he placed me down against my will, regretting my decision to join him. I grabbed out for him again but he was too preoccupied by the mission and ran off with thunderous steps. Leaving me alone in the alley. I looked down at my hand, knowing what to do, not knowing if I could do it. 

I had the small knife my father gave to me attached to my belt. I reached for it but was stopped by hearing a man address me. I turned around to see the man wearing a flower on his tan jacket . 

“You need to get out of here kid!” He shouted to me. He was terrified, yet here he was trying to help me. Me who was one of the people that was causing all of this. 

“Where are your parents?” He stepped towards me, but before he could even take one step into the alley, a small titan grabbed him. He screamed out of fear, then turned to me. “Run!” he yelled at me “Run for your life.”

The sound of a loud snap could be heard as the titan bit him into two. His legs fell to the ground with a thud as the titan soon turned its attention towards me.

I could survive this. I knew I could. If a titan grabbed me, I could just bite my cheek and transform before being bitten in half. But all senses left me. 

Instead of grabbing my knife and transforming then and there, I ran. I weaved in between buildings. I followed people, believing they would know the route to safety. All around me boulders and rocks were falling from the sky, people being eaten, people getting crushed. Children mourning their mothers. Mothers mourning their children. 

Chaos. Sadeness. Grief. Anger. Confusion. Fearfulness. 

All these ‘devils’ were feeling such heavy emotion and I truly realized. These were no devils. No. Not at all. These were people. And I have killed every single one of them that laid at my feet. And I was to kill the rest of them.

Suddenly everyone I came across began to look like Victoria. I remembered her pain. Here I was, causing it to others, tenfold. She wouldn’t be proud of me. 

My knees came crashing down onto the stone below me as I saw a child crying over the top of her decapitated mother. The people on the island weren’t the devils. We were.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the thumping of titan feet coming from behind me. I would’ve gladly given myself to the creature, if it wasn’t for the little girl.

She couldn’t have been more than five years old. Too young to understand what to do in this situation. I grabbed her and ran. She fought me, screaming and kicking. But all I could think to do was keep running. 

Before I knew it, the titan was on me, and I couldn’t run any farther. I could barely breathe and I couldn’t even stand on my two legs anymore. I turned to look at the thing one last time before my end. Right as it went to grab for us, a person flew by wearing an almost identical outfit to the guy before, but this one bore two swords crossed over.

The titan fell, the immediate danger was gone, yet I still couldn’t move. They yelled at me to keep running. I couldn’t move. They yelled again, scanning the area for any more titans. I could only stay still, clutching the girl that never stopped screaming. 

The person finally came up to me in a hurry. That is when I could see more details. Their mid length hair was tied up as they had their glasses securely attached to their face. They kneeled in front of us, and asked me. “Is this your little sister?”

I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell them that I knew who caused all of this. That I caused all of this. That I found this random little girl and grabbed her out of self pity. So, all I could do was nod. 

They continued. “Listen, for your sake. For your little sister’s sake. You’re going to need to run as fast as you can.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I said “I can’t.” Deep down, the meaning of my words were that I couldn’t handle the mission anymore. I couldn’t put these people through any more pain.

The person took it as I couldn’t move anymore and took the girl from me. “Can you run on your own?” They asked. Again, not knowing what to do, I nodded. “Then I will run with you while holding your sister. As long as you can run beside me you two can make it to safety. The boats are not that far away. Can you do that for me?”

This person was trying so hard to get me and the girl to safety, I knew I at least needed to say yes for their sake. So we ran. The person wasn’t wrong about how close we were to the boats. There was a huge crowd surrounding the small dock. People begging for them to be allowed on, for them to get to safety. 

The person that saved us grabbed my hand and pushed through the crowd until we were at the front. Many people threw insults at us, saying it was unfair that we were allowed to skip, but I didn’t care, as long as this girl got to safety. 

Once we got to the board, the person handed me back the girl. While placing a hand on my head, they said “You’re going to need to take care of your little sister from now on? Okay?” They were so gentle. Even though they were faced with all of this, they tried to put on a brave face to try and keep us calm. 

I was pushed on board before I could do anything else. I sat on the floor of the wooden boat. The little girl had stopped crying, just sitting and staring into space. I couldn’t blame her as I did the same

The boat eventually started moving and we were all towed away from the insanity. The screams and smell of death slowly dissipated.

❃

We passed another wall before being offloaded. I just followed the crowd while keeping a hold on the little girl’s hand. She was silent, following me because there was no one else to follow. I never said a word to her, nor did she to me. Eventually they loaded us into a warehouse type building. 

It had thin blankets laid out on the floor and they were serving a watered down soup to people as they entered. I couldn’t eat. Not after all of that. I opted to give my bowl to the little girl. We sat in the corner as she drank both bowels quickly. It was clear her mother didn’t feed her beforehand.

I wondered how many people didn’t get to eat their lunch before they were killed. How many people forgot to kiss their loved ones before leaving for work. How many people died. 

I tried to tell myself that I never killed a single person with my bare hands, it was the savaged titans that did. I said it to try and make myself feel better, but no matter what way I tried to spin it, deep down, I always knew the blood was on my hands.

Eventually, a man ran at us, screaming the name Isabelle. The little girl stood, running at her father. They both sobbed as the girl repeated “Mamma” over and over again. All the father could respond with was “I know.” 

I stood to leave, knowing my job of protecting her was over. Her father stopped me by grabbing my wrist. “Thank you.” He said with teary eyes.

I shook my head, knowing that if I weren’t here, none of this would’ve happened. That girl would have a mother. That husband would have a wife.

“Come with me.” He told me, “I will take care of you. You saved my daughter’s life. It’s the least I could do.”

I removed my hand from his grasp, shaking my head again. “I need to look for my friends and family.”

He nodded his head understanding. “If you can’t find them, I’ll be over there.” He pointed to the otherside of the warehouse.

I walked out of the doors of the warehouse needing fresh air and to get away from people. Walking towards the woodline, I just wanted to get away. 

Before I could go any further, I heard my name be called. When I turned, I saw Reiner running at me full speed. I stood still as he ran into me, enveloping me into a hug.

“I thought you died.” He confessed breathlessly. “I should’ve left you on the wall.”

I returned the embrace, shoving my head into his shoulder, crying. “I’m sorry. I got scared and I couldn’t do it.” 

“Don’t apologize.” He hugged me tighter. “I made the wrong call. I won’t put you in danger like that again.”

I only nodded into his shoulder as I couldn't stop crying. The emotions falling out of me.

❃

There were two ways you could go after the tragedy. Work in the fields, or go off and fight. Since we were still children, they forced us into the fields. 

Any able bodied person was sent to die by the hands of the titans. They had gathered thousands of people to reclaim the wall that had been destroyed. What they really did was send people to fight an enemy they didn’t really know. They were blind to who the real enemy was, us. 

There we were, being sheltered under their homes, being fed by their food. They struggled because of us. But there they were, caring for us like we were victims, just like them. 

Annie and I would sneak into the capital often, scouring for any small amount of information about the king. I on the other hand, was not cut out for intel gathering, as Annie was always the one to find things out.

I started joining Annie, giving her some backup, instead of us breaking up. Although, I feel like most of the time I was just in the way for her. Even though we spent weeks on end alone with one another, we barely grew closer. 

It took years to get any sort of information. What we- she found out was that the current family on the throne was false. The real king and holder of the founding titan was hiding and ruling from the background. This most definitely would make the mission even harder. Now we had to find this secret royal family. 

Next thing we did was report our information to Reiner, who was the self appointed leader of the group. None of us disagreed with him being the leader, so it worked out perfectly.

He decided the best way to get close to the government was to join them, and the easiest way to do that was to join the military. At that age, we were more than capable of joining the military. But we were only thirteen, you’re only allowed to start training at fourteen, and worse, we would have to be in training for another three years.

This mission was already chalked up to be at least five years. Five years feels like eternity in the eyes of a child. I imagined my father growing old, my sister becoming her own person. She was only nine when I left her.

I mourned the loss of time with them. Every night I would sneak out from the communal living space and go outside to look at the stars.

On occasion, Reiner would join me. Sometimes we would sit in silence, other times we’d talk. It was strange. I knew him for so many years but now he had felt like a stranger. I clung onto the hope that my friend would return. There were small fragments of time where I believed he was still there deep down.

One time we laid under the spring stars. I thought that night, we wouldn’t be talking, but he broke that silence by asking. “Do you still feel like you’re not going to make it home?”

I stayed silent for a few moments, being shocked by this question. I thought he had forgotten about that whole conversation. The way he acted made it feel like he completely forgot everything that made him the sweet kid he was.

Finally, I responded with. “Yes.”

He too went quiet. I turned to him, trying to read his brain, which felt impossible then. “We’ll be joining the military soon.” He said seemingly out of nowhere.

“We’re already in the military.” I reminded him.

“We’ll be joining the enemy's military.” He corrected himself before continuing. “It will be the most dangerous thing we’ve done since we got here. I promise no matter what, I will make sure you won’t die.” 

He turned to me, his eyes determined, yet soft. I smiled at him as I moved closer. I wrapped my arm around his neck as I put the weight of my torso on him. 

I hugged him like this for a while, the tension that had been building up for two years finally releasing. He hugged me back firmly. 

When I moved away from the hug, I hovered over him. “Thank you.” I whispered.

He was flustered, face slightly red. “Of course.” He stumbled out. “As the leader, it’s the least I can do.”

“No.” I cut him off. “You’re my friend. Not my leader. You need to remember that.”

“Of course I’ll remember that.” He retorted defensively. I backed off him, letting him sit up. Holding my pinky out, I wanted him to promise me. 

He reached his hand out, hooking out pinkies together. Before he could pull away, I pulled his hand closer to me. “Friends forever.” I demanded. 

He gave me a goofy smile. One like hve used to before the island. “I wouldn’t dream of breaking a promise like that.” I finally let go of his pinkie, feeling much better.

With him, I felt the safest. But it was always the ones you feel safest with, that you needed to stay on your guard with the most.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[nitewrighter]

Hello! Just wanted to say that your Cindy story provides me so much comfort and I read it all the time ;;

I really liked that Cindy gets really involved in ruling the country and has like 2 decrees ratified before her marriage. Thats an aspect of princess / royalty / fairytale retellings that dont really get touched upon and I really appreciated it. Did you have any more thoughts / ideas on what Cindy would have done like past the end of your story? I just want to see her do more things / grow more into her own.

In any case, thank you so much for writing that!

Thank you so much for this lovely ask!

I would say that at first, a lot of her changes basically relate to how she immediately related to her own life prior to becoming princess consort, hence why those two decrees have to do with better living conditions for orphans and better working conditions for domestic workers--she wants to be able to prevent the abusive and exploitative conditions she was stuck in for years. There's also a reference to her having an interest in infrastructure with the "potholes" line in the whole 'happily ever after' paragraph at the end. I think the thing to keep in mind with her is that for all her trauma and for all her complex relations to labor, she's a proactive fixer and cleaner! She mends loose buttons on coats! She cleans stains on rugs! She puts a lot of stock in her surroundings and will compulsively roll up her sleeves to set something right if it means improving quality of life. So she is kind of... funnily industrious early on in her career because as soon as she learns she can fix potholes she gets this rush of power and basically ends up running all over the place figuring out places that the crown can help. Like, usually that sort of stuff is left up to reports from mayors and magistrates, but like... it's very easy for that kind of correspondence to just get lost in the weeds and fall through the cracks in the midst of all the other day-to-day operations of running a palace. Cindy puts a lot of pressure on herself to be a good princess, but her idea of being good at anything frequently involves her getting up close and personal and getting her hands dirty. She's lived her whole life with people telling her things are a certain way, so she's actually very insistent on seeing things for herself rather than just being told "It's like X." It's definitely a shock to the insulation of nobility.

So imagine, if you will, you're a longshoreman, and you've been telling your supervisor for weeks that the dock at the south end of the pier is rotten and dangerous and needs to be replaced before someone gets hurt, but your supervisor's been shrugging you off and handwaving you away because that's too expensive, it's too time consuming, those are your wages if everything gets put on hold for construction, and you know he's been telling the magistrate that it's fine, the dock is fine, don't worry about it, but one day, the fucking princess consort shows up with her brick shithouse captain of the royal guard, and the king's valet.

Now, you and your coworkers know there is one board on the rotten dock that you do not step on. You've been hearing it get creakier and seen more and more salt seep into its cracks for weeks now, and you're doing your job hauling stuff off of a boat, and you're watching the princess consort and the captain of the royal guard get schmoozed on by your supervisor and you're like, "You fucking know what?" and you step on that board, very purposefully putting all your weight on that one foot. Creak, snap, crash, splash, the board shatters beneath you and you fall through. Your chin gets clipped by the wooden crate you're carrying on your way down but you manage to shove it away from you in the fall and stop yourself from falling into the harbor by your forearms. Your supervisor is looking at you, horrified, and you hit him with a shit-eating grin (your teeth are a little bloody from the chin-clip) before nobly going, "Oh, stay back, my fellow longshoremen! It's dangerous!"

The captain of the guard has to physically stop the princess from rushing over to you, and he goes, "Let me handle this, your highness," and he dramatically throws off his fancy captain of the guard jacket (to the sound of several wolf whistles even though he's still in a shirt and waistcoat) and starts edging onto the dock himself to help you. You're making a big theatrical show of hauling yourself out of the hole in the dock by your forearms, grunting and the like, when, honest to god you didn't plan this part, the captain of the guard falls right through the dock and lands with a splash in the harbor. God bless you, Captain of the guard, you beautiful brick shithouse.

15 minutes later both you and the captain of the guard are wrapped in blankets (even though you didn't get wet), the princess consort has apparently commandeered some cacao from one of the storage houses and is now insistently shoving hot chocolate at you both, and the king's valet is chewing the fuck out of your supervisor over gross negligence and what kind of message this sends to our nation's peers in trade to see our docks in this condition. About a week later, you've got a new supervisor, and there's construction on a new dock. Not long after that, once every three months there are several representatives from the palace showing up for workplace safety inspection. Congratulations, you trying to make your boss look like an asshole has accidentally created a proto-OSHA.

As Cindy kind of matures in her time in the palace though, she does make more broad changes that are more related to personal empowerment and social mobility. She's very interested in schools, but also trade education and apprenticeships. She spearheads the building of several primary schools, really impressively expanding literacy and basic math skills in the country, and also ends up creating a sort of sponsorship program to connect poorer kids with trade education and apprenticeship opportunities. I want everyone to know that the glassmaker who was convinced the glass shoe was the devil is now saddled with snot-nosed orphan sidekick apprentice thanks to Cindy's legislation.

[normiematsu]

concept for angel killer yumemi ^_^ the au i have thought the most about storywise! she's an angel in training who gets corrupted by choro. i made a playlist for it here that serves as a moodboard/audio version of the whole story when you listen to it chronologically! i need to type up a proper retelling of it and create real ref sheets but have some unformatted thoughts/minificlet below...

yumemi is an angel in training tasked with learning more about how humans live. unfortunately for her she ends up at choro's cathedral and he's immediately able to clock her as an angel. even more unfortunate is the interest he takes in her...

shes super trusting and willing to put aside any suspicions she has about choro since she likes him. gets scolded a lot for not being that great at hiding her own identity - what would everyone think if they saw her wings!! her halo!! humans aren't ready to handle that - so choro keeps her close by. she's like a lost lamb that dutifully follows him around the cathedral, never openly questioning the odd things that happen when they're out of sight from the congregation. she thinks there's a lot to learn from him, a man so willing to teach her about humanity, while not questioning how little he shares about himself...

eventually she figures out he's belphegor and despite feeling betrayed she abandons her mission and decides she's going to save him, no matter the cost! love always wins!! she genuinely thinks she can fix choro and he's like... "do you know who i am? what i am?" for a while lots of fighting ensues. shes not that strong though so all her threats fall on deaf ears, and he knows she doesn't have it in her to put her lance through his heart. (he kind of wishes she would tho, since he's a demented freak)

choro could kill her so easily. he's never met someone with so little common sense... he can't imagine her ever completing her mission or being in charge of anything important... so he decides to start up his own little game. testing the limits of how much he can get away with. before he knows it, he's already claimed her soul, not thinking of the consequences...

and then one night he gets too riled up and accidentally kills her during one of their fights. he didn't even mean to do it, honest! suddenly he's hit with the realization he wasn't quite ready for their game to end... he's toyed with keeping undead humans around before, but they never lasted long after reviving them. he's never resurrected an angel but he figures it's worth a shot trying. the result is... not quite what he was expecting.

he manages to get her revived, but not as an angel - she's some strange and twisted thing fresh out of purgatory. violent. bloodthirsty. she wants nothing more than to get revenge for what he's done! even in this state though she's not powerful enough to finish him off, not like she could anyway since he'd just regenerate... begging god for forgiveness gets her nowhere either. she's committed an unforgivable sin by abandoning her mission and knowingly pursuing a relationship with a demon.

choro takes great pride in telling her she wasn't his first plaything, but he didn't think she'd be his last - and now she's bound to him for eternity...

[genericpuff]

I have a fandom I'm into where the world building and writing in general is kind of terrible, and I keep going "Maybe ill make a comic retelling" but then I remember I haven't even gotten my personal comic started and think about how much effort you put in to this retellkng and go "No. I actually don't want to do that."

hey, whatever you do decide to do, it'll keep you creating! Rekindled is a side project that's helped me heal through a personal project that I'm currently recovering from burnout on, I didn't really think too hard about doing it, I just went where my interests were and it's gone through a lot of evolution since then. Don't feel like anyone else's work existing should keep you from creating, that's not why other work exists and ultimately the only one stopping you from doing what inspires you (or what you're inspired by) is you (•̀ᴗ•́)و

That said (big edit ahead because I realized I had more things to say on this LOL), I think it also depends on what you're retelling and why. I feel the reason why LO is so ripe for retellings is because it, in and of itself, is a retelling. Whereas original stories that aren't based on any sort of pre-existing source material aren't really able to be 'retold' in that same way because they're telling exactly the story they intend to tell from the beginning, vs. LO which is poorly adapting original source material that pre-exists it by hundreds of years. Case in point, I wouldn't feel compelled at all to "redo" a comic like Let's Play or The Kiss Bet because neither of those are attempting to retell specific stories, they are the story and so to put them in any other form wouldn't be the The Kiss Bet or Let's Play anymore, thus defeating the point lmao In that regard, Rekindled isn't exactly LO, it's as much a retelling of LO as LO is a retelling of Greek myth. But because it does have that original source material that predates it, it makes people feel more compelled to retell it with the foundation that LO laid (with its vibrant bright colors and modern setting) but tweaking things to make them more accurate - or at least respectful - towards the original myths.

So I think you do have to ask yourself what it is you're attempting to re-interpret and what the goal is in doing so. Remember that it's all still fanfiction at the end of the day so don't be doing anything risky that might implicate yourself of copyright infringement lmao (do your own research and well-testing to see if it's something that would be worth it for you in the long run).

There are definitely times I'll encourage people to focus on their own projects rather than try to polish someone else's turd if it's in the pursuit of "fixing" things, art can and should be allowed to exist regardless of whether or not it's perfect and LO isn't an exception to that. I'm not gonna try and defend Rekindled as an exception to those times I'd suggest people to work on their own thing, I could - and should - be working on my personal original projects rather than what Rachel brought into the world. But that's also why I give it such an original spin because I also want to tell my own story, simply through the lens of recreating a comic that I loved for so many years and was retelling myths that I have a close connection to. All in all, that's why I tell people to take my experience and advice and rants with mountains of salt. I'm not a one-stop-shop for all-encompassing advice or guidance on what you should or shouldn't do. And my work definitely doesn't exist as a metric for what should be done by others lol Focus on you and your pursuits! <3

[fertilisedovumcell]

Heartbreak & losses quotes pt.1

"I had someone once who made every day mean something. And now…. I am lost….And nothing means anything anymore.” ― Ranata Suzuki

“It hurts to love. It's like giving yourself to be flayed and knowing that at any moment the other person may just walk off with your skin.” ― Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963

“Growth in love comes from a place of absence, where the imagination is left to it’s own devices and creates you to be much more then reality would ever allow.” ― Jamie Weise

“This was something she would keep hidden within herself, maybe in place of the knot of pain and anger she had been carrying under her breastbone…a security blanket, an ace up her sleeve. She might never use it, but she would always feel its presence like a swelling secret stone, and that way when she let go of the rage, she would not feel nearly as empty.”

― Jodi Picoult, Mercy

“I would rather a romantic relationship turn into contempt than turn into apathy. The passion in the extremities make it appear as though it once meant something. We grow from hot or cold, but lukewarm is the biggest insult.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“Escapists have no right to love, Lovers have no need for escape. When you change exes like socks, It's a sickness, not a choice.” ― Abhijit Naskar, Dervis Vadisi: 100 Promissory Sonnets

“Twice my heart broke for a love so delicate as my own; and yet I did not find a piece of myself in between those lines.” ― Laura Chouette, Profound Reverie

“Irrationality is the absolute absence of ones mind and the full consciousness of every feeling.” ― Laura Chouette

“And I wonder what the sound of a heart breaking might be. And I think it might be quiet, unperceptively so, and not dramatic at all. Like the sound of an exhausted swallow falling gently to earth.” ― Sarah Winman, Tin Man

“My heart no longer felt as if it belonged to me. It now felt as it had been stolen, torn from my chest by someone who wanted no part of it.” ― Meredith Taylor, Churning Waters

“Losing him was like having a hole shot straight through me, a painful, constant reminder, an absence I could never fill.” ― Jojo Moyes, After You

“I found that the only way I could control this sorrow was not to think of [it] at all, which was almost as painful as the loss itself.” ― Robin McKinley, Beauty: A Retelling of the Story of Beauty and the Beast

“If we must part forever, Give me but one kind word to think upon and please myself with, while my heart's breaking.” ― Thomas Otway, The Orphan: Or the Unhappy Marriage

“No amount of soul searching would fix my past. There was no magical Band-Aid I could stick on my heart, no special glue I could use to make myself whole again. I had shattered to pieces like a fragile vase on concrete; some fragments could be roughly cobbled back together, but many of my vital parts had simply turned to dust, pulverized and scattered by the first gust of wind.” ― Julie Johnson, Like Gravity

“One of the most difficult things he'd ever done was turn away and leave her standing in the shadows.” ― Rachel Gibson, I'm In No Mood For Love

[cattype]

I wanted to make a comic for International Asexual Day but I thought it was the 16 and not the 6th. orz

There's some stories that I keep meaning to make into comics for Ace Week or Pride Month but I keep putting it off or chickening out. They're stories that involve a lot of cringe and a lot of misunderstanding so they're hard to talk about. I practice retelling them to myself to better understand them and find the easiest way to tell them but the scars still run deep.

So for now, I just wanna share some of the morals of my stories without the stories.

-If you're struggling to find a "missing part of you" then maybe that part wasn't meant to be there in the first place.

-Some people are just preconditioned to interpret things as sexual or romantic even when you explain why they aren't.

-Don't take advice on your sexuality from people who don't think your sexuality exists.

-Just because you've finally convinced someone that you're not straight, doesn't mean they've totally grasped the concept of asexuality. Some things take time to sink in.

-There are people who might react badly to your sexuality. Often it's uncomfortable, in some cases it might be violent. But just because something MIGHT happen doesn't mean it WILL happen. You can't base the way you live your life on a maybe. You don't need to be scared.

-If someone doesn't believe asexuality exists or thinks they can "fix" you, then that's THEIR character flaw, not YOUR problem. You have a right to exist and be yourself.

-We're lucky enough to be living in a time when asexuality is becoming more accepted and better known. Things could be better but they're still getting better. Hell! Do you have any idea how lucky you are just to be reading posts like this? I'm talking to YOU tweenager who's just figuring themself out!!

Bonus: This is purely my personal experience so I can't guarantee you'll have the same luck as me. Almost all the times I've come out to someone I've known IRL it's been awful but with one exception all the times I've talked about my asexuality online have been positive. Not only that but apparently half the people I've known online have been asexual. Maybe it's because everyone I've met IRL I've only met through happenstance i.e. I only knew them because we were in the same class. The asexual internet friends are a little harder to explain but it might just because younger people are more open to more options. It's not just "gay or straight" any more. Kids can go online and say "oh, asexuality is a thing? I think I might be asexual" (Again, you kids have NO idea how lucky you are! I only had an alternative lifestyles story on 20/20 that I saw one time as a kid that I mostly forgot about!)

Now treat yourself to some cake.

[enixamyram]

Long Rant About Greek Retellings

This is a post I'm using to vent. Feel free to ignore it or not, I just need to get these thoughts out in the open.

Summary of my rant: It's dumb to hold the "crimes" of the original stories against retellings that change these things. And stop being an asshole to people who write/enjoy harmless retellings.

This comes about because TikTok's keep popping up on my FYP and they're genuinely making me want to bang my head against a wall.

The most common that I've seen is people bitching and moaning about the artist on Webtoons who is doing a retelling of Ganymede's story. These people are definitely the worst since I saw them bragging in the comments about how they are constantly tagging the artist (aka, harassing them!) in other videos about the original story and messaging them and just being bullies. Now this is just shitty in general because I'm pretty sure the artist has stated this will not be a romanticized version. But for the sake of my rant, let's pretend that it is. Let's pretend that someone is retelling the story of Zeus and Ganymede with a romantic focus.

Why is that so wrong? I keep bringing up Hades and Persephone because they are a perfect example of this being done multiple times. Both Persephone and Ganymede's stories are incredibly similar with them being kidnapped, held hostage and eventually settling in their new lives. Obviously there are many versions, but one of the versions I read had both of them coming to enjoy their new lives and being happy there. Now in our world, we would agree that's very Stokholm creepy coded but back when these were written it probably wasn't intended that way.

Now if someone decides they want to rewrite the story, fixing the toxic parts of the story (eg. having Persephone willingly go with Hades because she fell for him before he took her to the Underworld and having her willingly eating food in order to stay with him) and keeping the later romance... That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. There are many retellings and reboots that try and "fix" things that didn't quite work in the original and I'm always in favor of that because it's interesting seeing another version of this updated.

So if someone wants to age up Ganymede and rewrite it in however they choose to write it, why is that wrong? People against it usually respond with "in the original...!" and my response to that is: This isn't the original! That's the whole point! If you genuinely can't let go of the original source, then I suggest you don't read/watch anything that retells it.

Another example I want to give is Calypso. I'll admit, I don't know her original story (I really want to look it up because I'm curious but as of writing this, I am ignorant to it) but since Epic has blown up, I've seen a lot of people talking about her. Especially during her song in the Vengence Saga and a bit of a debate has started over whether or not she's genuine or manipulative. Now whatever your feelings of her and her story/song, I just want to focus on one thing I saw, again on TikTok:

Someone said they hated people making Calypso's story a tragic one, that she is the villain and nothing will undo her S-A-ing Odysessus and - I'm literally quoting them here - "not even if you do a retelling where she didn't"...

Am I alone or is that the dumbest thing to say?

You can feel whatever you want against the "originals", but you cannot hold the original toxic traits against retellings, especially if they make a point of changing these things. That's ridiculously stupid. If you cannot handle this, then don't read/watch retellings because you don't actually get to dictate what story someone tells or how they tell it.

If you want an "accurate" (I use that term very loosely) story of Ganymede or Calypso, then bloody write it yourself. Don't give artist and creators shit because you don't like the choices they made.

One side note I wanna add: You cannot have a high horse against retellings unless you have somehow successfully managed to avoid the dozens and dozens of retellings that have existed all our lives. Just for a quick example, every Disney version of the Fairy Tale is a retelling of it that changes details to make it more romantic/fix little details like the ages of the princesses at the time.

I have my own personal opinions on certain stories. I'm not a fan of Hades and Persephone stories that demonize Demeter. I might make a post saying as such, but then I will move one. Because there's nothing wrong with a retelling, even if I don't personally find enjoyment in it. And giving others a hard time because they don't agree with you on this is just the height of arrogance.

[party-pixie]

hey, thanks for the kind words. i'll admit that i kinda forgot for a while that daily demon spotlight was meant to be a blog for fun above all, and i got too obsessed with my perfectionism to where even the slightest criticism would make me panic and overcorrect everything

i really do appreciate what you said as it kinda just grounded me again and made me realize that i'm not some giant public figure, i'm just some teenage trans girl who likes to write, so thank you so much even if you didn't intend it to be that deep lmao 🙏

well im glad i could help 🥰 i've gotten the perfectionism bug with my own writing so i know how much it really sucks. i think it's also scary on the internet where people are increasingly becoming mean to people they don't know over even small things, so it prob feels like you're risking getting huge backlash over something that isn't all that difficult to fix. like, the demon spotlight is just a hobby blog covering figures that appear in a game series that in itself has questionable information and unclear sources, it's not an official compendium blog run by atlus yknow??? i get not wanting to spread misinformation or see it get spread ab mythological figures but for a hobby blog where it's not difficult to add to posts, i don't think it needs to be all that deep. don't be afraid to add an addendum to old posts if you ever come across new information or a correction, i think that kind of thing could be beneficial even if the original post had a lot of incorrect stuff in it

plus, with so many different retellings and translations of mythological stories i think people will consider different ones to be their "canon" to them. i mean like, i read ab two or three different takes just on ganesha's birth in a little section ab parvati in a book discussing a ton of different goddesses. and with language barriers and such, you're bound to run into inaccuracies tbh

i think it's a good preface for everyone involved to come into this understanding that it's easy to unknowingly run into wrong information ab figures, smt is full of inaccuracies in itself, the demon spotlight is just a hobby and isn't gonna get thesis-level work put into it, and the goal isn't to spread misinformation

as long as you keep doing your best in research and handling things as respectfully as you can, i don't think mistakes should be a huge deal. like, yea okay you fucked up a post cus you had bad sources, it's not the end of the world and i don't think you should feel like it's the end of the world or someone else should make you feel that way. just don't argue with people if they give you a correction. i mean, if someone's a total asshole about it that's not really something you can help, the best you can do is apologize and correct the original post. but there's no need to wallow in sorrow cus you got something wrong, it's really not the end of the world🥰👍

[rapono-writes-stuff]

Projects I'm working on or am actively planning:

Red red red, why am I not dead? ch.7 (Carrion)

Started

Finished the first chunk of the chapter (everything leading up to perspective change). Having some difficulties deciding if I should scrap some scenes that were supposed to happen before the end of chapter 6 (changed order for better pacing), or try to rework them into it. Also dealing with the fact I've had to go wildly "off-script" since some stuff the original to doesn't fit with the fic retelling/doesn't make sense imo.

Out of your depth (Subnautica)

At least 70% done

Same Subnautica fanfic I was working on before, just changed the title. Old concept that's been a brainworm for years, that I've been slowly chipping away at. Nicknaming it the Transfuser AU. Getting close to the end of fic, just currently trying to write a high action scene while making sure what happens both makes sense and is easy for the reader to follow.

Your Coworker is a monster ch.4 (FNAF)

Started

Accidentally forgot this existed (thanks ADHD, very cool) until someone recently left a comment on it. Currently trying to figure out the pacing for the next chapter (how much should happen without ruining the pacing or making it boring), as well as planning how to pace the rest of the fic. (I am not the best at pacing long fics/not very good at slow builds so please pray for me 😭)

Nightmares do come true [title not final] (BATIM/BATDR)

40-60% done

Also accidentally forgot this existed (thanks ADHD, very cool). Sequel to Keep your friends close, and your demons closer. Got stuck forever ago and then unintentionally abandoned it. Despite not leaving any notes to self, managed to recall a bunch of my plans while ranting to friends about having not left notes for future me. Replaying/rewatching bits of the game to try and make sure I don't make them ooc before I start writing again.

The Graveyard Shift ch.3 (FNAF)

Still in editing/art piece not started

Massive roleplay I did with my partner being converted into a fanfic. While everything is technically already written, still in the process of editing the next chapter-sized chunk into fanfic material. Currently dealing with rewriting a scene that is inconsistent with things later established in the story, and with it also trying to fix a plothole that comes up multiple times throughout the story.

Are you one of us? [title not final] (Pizza Tower)

Planning

One of the fics from the poll of Pizza Tower fic ideas (Peppino loses the boss battle chase and gets adopted by the clones). Probably the most likely to be finished out of the remaining 3, but I've put it on the backburner in favor of working on the above.

My cell can fit two [title not final] (Pizza Tower)

Planning

Another more dark leaning fic (like Peppino's Day Off, but probably darker?). Without spoiling too much, Fake is locked in their boss room, and has been horribly mistreated. Peppino enters to retrieve the key, but is then locked inside until he finds said key. Peppino is forced to deal with the mistreated Fake whether he wants to or not, trapped inside with them. Also on backburner in favor of working on above fics.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Interest in Gaylor seems to be on the rise after Taylor’s breakup, and some fans are speculating she might be preparing to CO (as what identity is another question - like with Harry there is debate over her label). Obviously Taylor has had many confirmed BFs, but I wonder if she were to CO (and I’m doubtful of that at least near term but am not the most informed) it would be simpler for her than Harry bc many of the men she’s been linked to have had speculation about their own sexuality. Harry, Tom, Jake, Joe…

However, I don’t think it’s wrong to think a key part of Taylor’s success has been her ability to make fans feel connected to her life through the her songwriting which includes referencing specific men (the red scarf, the stitches, the london boy, and so on). If she were to CO does she lose fan trust? Maybe not as some already interpret her lyrics through a queer lens and understand the concept of “stunt” songs (and she has many songs not necessarily about her or romance at all). Like you said just publicly dating a person of the same sex without giving a specific label would be the slow burn way for Harry or Taylor to CO as gay (if one or both identify that way) without completely canceling out past public relationships. Society does sadly seem to be moving backwards in some areas but there does seem to be more understanding sexuality is not a checkbox, fixed state for everyone.

I definitely don't think that the fact that there are rumours about many of the men Taylor has dated makes it simpler for her to come out. I think one of the complications of coming out, after you've publicly been linked with another celebrity, is ensuring that they are not outted to.

For Taylor, I don't think this is as much of a problem as it used to be. Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal may have sex with men, but Sophie and Joe's relationship is pretty persuasive, as is the collective impact of Red Taylor's version on Jake's image and life. But I definitely don't think it makes it any easier.

In terms of coming out, I do think that if Taylor has been attracted to women and she wanted to share that, she could probably do quite an amazing job of retelling her story so that people experienced it as an expansion of what she had already shared. It is her super power. See how people are so quickly recasting her and Joe's relationship.

Emotions around shame and having to keep stuff secret are very relatable - I think Taylor could write about being confused about her feelings, feeling like she had to hide them, and even revealing specific songs are about women in a way that brought people in. It also helps that Scott Borchetta sits there as a very easy villain who would only need to be gestured at.

I don't think it's useful to understand publicly dating someone of the same sex as a slow burn way of coming out. It's coming out - it's just coming out in a different way. Coming out does not have to mean revealing all previous relationships were fake (and it doesn't mean that all previous relationships were fake) and I think it's really useful to distinguish between the two. At the moment, celebrities just don't reveal previous relationships are fake, unless they happened years before. I think it's useful to take that as a starting point, rather than assuming coming out involves revealing previous relationships are fake.

[lammaspoika]

how did u come up with the initial ideas for ur fics ?? :3

I'll reply with my current multichapter fics bc my oneshots are mostly... Sudden ideas I get, such as Keeping Promises being a fic I wrote in one sitting after finishing Unleashed bc I was inspired. XD (Or I wrote the first draft in one sitting but you know-)

DNA Collision: I absolutely adore when people draw Shadow with more alien-like features, such as giving him yellow scleras, tiny scales, or a third eye! But the fanart made me think... What if there was a reason Shadow looked like that/more alien, especially considering that he didn't originally even know he's half alien. My original idea was that Eggman would do something that would make him mutate, but then I thought it might be a bit of a lazy choice, plus then fixing it would be a lot easier because they'd already know the cause. My bestie came up with the idea that it would happen suddenly while Shadow was racing/using Chaos Control, and I liked that idea. (I can't tell how/why it happens since that's a spoiler, but you'll find out eventually ehehe). I like aliens, sci-fi, and body horror (although I don't wanna make the body horror parts too graphic in the fic but still. It's a part of it), but there's also metaphors etc. in it. I'll probably talk more about those once I finish the fic, because for now I want readers to make their own interpretations and speculations >:3

Prophecy of Chaos: The ship I was super obsessed with before Sonadow was Catradora, and since I tend to like certain types of dynamics, I kinda noticed lots of similarities between them XDD (I mean, they're a snarky hero with a heart of gold and their former enemy with a traumatic backstory) I think I also saw a tumblr post where someone pointed out that the way Boom!Shadow acts is like a bitter ex/former childhood best friend, and that made me think... What would Sonic and Shadow be like if they had been childhood best friends who had a falling out? I think I jokingly told my friends like "what if I made an AU that's kinda like the premise of She-Ra but with Sonadow" but then I actually got invested in it. It just works so well with Sonic characters and Sonic lore, with the whole chosen one thing and friendship being a big theme in both series. My bestie @tillytilli had lots of suggestions for the AU, and then I asked if they'd like to be a co-creator. Plus with two people working on it made it possible for us to make several illustrations for each chapter; usually three art pieces for each chapter, one by me, one by Tilli and one being a collab between us. So yeah, the premise and some elements are inspired by She-Ra, but the plot will differ a lot since we didn't want it to just be a retelling of that story, we wanted to also make it our own story. Plus we haven't really assigned the characters certain roles (except the obvious ones, like Sonic having Adora's role, Shadow Catra's, Infinite Shadow Weaver's, and Eggman Hordak's. But even some of those are a bit mixed, especially between Sonic and Shadow) because we felt like it would limit the characters too much, and we wanted them to be themselves first and foremost if that makes sense? (So like. You don't need any knowledge of She-Ra to read the fic. Sonic knowledge is more important since there's lore and references XD)

Impactful Skip: I came up with the idea around the time the sneak peek of Sonic and Nine in Sonic Prime came out. Since Nine was a traumatized child because he never met Sonic, it made me think... How would Tails turn out if he had had Sonic, and then lost him? Because he would know what he was missing. Sonic and Tails are so close that I feel like neither of them would be the same if they lost each other. I think I was also subconsciously inspired by that one episode of Futurama where Fry has to test the time machine with Bender and the Professor so he's late from his date with Leela, but the time travel goes wrong and Leela thinks he's dead. (This scene especially always BREAKS me) I didn't like... Actively think about that episode while thinking about the premise, but then I remembered it after a while and was like OH. Another inspiration for it was that one tumblr post I can't find sadly but it was like... "Why would you tell a post-apocalyptic story if not to show the kindness of humanity?" And it's a big part of Impactful Skip, because while Tails has turned against all his friends, his friends still stick together and try to find hope and kindness towards one another even in a world with barely any hope left.

Thank you for asking! I'm really enthusiactic about these stories so I'm always happy to explain about them! ✨✨

[talenlee]

October 2024 Wrapup!

Here we are, on Halloween, the last day of the month, and the midpoint of spring. It’s a time for everyone to put on costume, like shorts and a t-shirt, to indulge in the festival of the season, which is, being sweaty, and gathering together to indulge in those most seasonal of events, like complaining about the heat and hoping like hell Summer isn’t going to be worse this year.

(It will.)

Thirty one days, thirty one articles, what has Press Dot Invincible Dot Ink had for you in the month of October, this dread month? Well, here, let me show you!

First of all we had the Game Pile articles:

Sleepaway, a solid example of the GMless storytelling genre within a horror scenario.

Tiny Epic Zombies, my first Tiny Epic game box that does a really solid job of being exactly what it offers if a bit forgettable after the experience is over.

Phantom Ink, a video of my article about the fun team based word game for Halloween parties.

and most importantly, I Wish We Were Worse, a video about the game Faith in which I sharply underscore the way this is very much a game about thinking the Catholic Church doesn’t abuse enough children.

Continuing the leerie and eerie vibes, in the Story Pile we had:

Wake In Fright, a classic of Australian cinema about the claustrophobic horror of being in a place that wants to bore you to death.

Elfen Lied, an anime that I love about pink-haired teenagers commiting serial murders that I do not recommend.

The Terror, a historical fiction retelling of the deadly history of Player Vs Canada game modes.

Talentless Nana, an anime that I love about pink-haired teenagers commiting serial murders that I do recommend.

Being October, I did four more Dread Readings, where I read a short story aloud, so you could hear it instead of just imagining ‘I should check that out one day,’ and then provided some critical consideration at the end of the story. The stories I did this year are The Bush Undertaker by Henry Lawson, The Jabberwocky by Lewis Caroll, The White People by Arthur Machen, and The Things by Pete Watts.

I also made some articles that aimed to consider the dreadful realities of our world, to live in the archives of such article ideas as how gamer culture is enmeshed with Nazis via the school shooting, or there but for good luck and better friends, I might have turned into John Wayne Gacy, articles about how The Bible is a work of stolen slave labour, that Jeffrey Epstein was absolutely the subject of a conspiracy but not the conspiracy you think, the strange individual who was responsible for executing the Nazis at nuremberg, and also, an article explaining the story of the Bhopal Gas Leak disaster to people who I expect have never heard of that.

Brr, okay, that’s a charming collection of topics, isn’t it? What if we pivot to instead talk about something a lot less close to the knuckles of reality, with a chat about some stuff from TTRPG spaces? I wrote about the 3rd edition D&D monster the Kythons, and about three different heritage options in 4th edition D&D that are all explicitly spooky. I also broached the topic of how your setting handles the consumption of (dead) sentients, and an article about a non-country in Cobrin’Seil, the unclaimed land known as Selpera, where the bloodied remnants of a dead god bubble in the broken sands.

This month’s shirt design is a warning that I think I need to put on myself as people realise that being around me isn’t exactly inherently fun.

October is a month where the semester winds down and final reports happen. As you read this, I’m probably working on student input and making sure stragglers and late homework gets handled. It is a time when we start on plans for what to happen next year, which is all looking very confusing and uncertain as I write this in a way I can’t help and can’t fix, but need to keep working on.

Also, what’s the longest turnaround you’ve had on an email? I emailed someone back this month after a mere ten years leaving them on read. You can do it, you can reach out to the people you miss.

Still, here’s something cool that happened this month! After a long time waiting, Fox got me a second set of desk risers. I promise this is interesting, to exactly and only me. See, I have this really nice desk, which is technically a second hand desk, and I think it was found on a street corner being thrown out. It’s a broad desk with a lot of space, a sliding keyboard tray, a space for a computer tower, a wide area that can hold two monitors, and a tray space above that, where I can put things like books and paper. This desks is, and has been, for most of my time using it (…ten plus years now?), a little low for my height.

Fox got a set of risers for it once, little inverted pots that can handle supporting the weight of a desk distributed across the four of them. But this desk has six points of contact with the ground, and with only the four corners supported by risers, the middle section started to sag out of its sockets.

This month, Fox finally got a second set of the exact same risers, and we implemented them same-day. Now my desk is up about ten, maybe fifteen centimeters from where it was and I can sit up straight to type clearly. Great for my posture and also means I don’t have to lean forward to read. Cool and good! Energised by this I went on to take an old bookshelf in the bedroom, empty it out of trash, then resolve to take stuff in it to the second hand store (‘thrift shorp’ if you’re American), meaning that I could use that shelf space to store some board games that have been sitting in an ugly heap in the living room!

Look, I am essentially saying I changed my posture a little bit and then cleaned a bookshelf. We take the victories we get and, vitally, we are remembering that every day stuff gets done it’s not nothing.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!