#so if having lots of feelings about betrayal and choosing between love and career and justice is your cup of tea check it out

[inimitablereel]

I'm only 3 episodes into my country the new age and it's been years since I read Way of Kings, but there's some kind of parallel between what's going on with Hwi where I'm at and Kaladin and his bridge crew. Like possibly the secretly super powerful soldier who doesn't really care anymore but has been thrown among the canon fodder to die but is going to do his best to save everyone (or at least SOMEONE) is a super common trope that's just mostly in media that's too military for me to have checked it out?

[xchronicles]

Okay… real talk now, just between us girlies.

Aaron, if you’re reading this, you’re one of us and you’re always welcome in.

We joke, argue, and moan a lot about the J/C stuff - especially now with Prodigy being the latest new canon story. We all know, at the end of the day, they’re not real. However, what they represent and the impact they have on the audience is very real.

I watched Voyager back in the day when I was in primary school. My emotionally undeveloped self quickly picked up on the J/C stuff, and soon I found myself watching the show more and more, hoping that today’s episode would be about them or at least feature a lot of scenes with them together. I vividly remember the heartbreak after watching "Endgame" and being so confused on what I had just witnessed. I remember expecting the next episode, which never came, and feeling so confused. I felt betrayed by the show and didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. I was just a kid - exactly the target audience that Prodigy aims to reach.

Now, as an adult, that kid in me still feels that betrayal. I’ve always leaned on imaginary characters as a coping mechanism. As a girl who never quite fit into traditional gender roles and was often criticized for not being "girly" enough or not aligning with societal expectations, I found solace in the reversed gender norms between Janeway and Chakotay. At the time, I didn’t realize that this was what appealed to me so much.

What I’m trying to say is that making Janeway and Chakotay canon, no questions hanging, healthy relationship and all, is an incredible narrative tool to show that women can be in the position of power, having a career while also being in a loving, supportive relationship. It would teach younger audiences, especially girls, that they don’t have to choose between career and relationship and, more importantly, that they don’t have to strip down parts of who they really are to fit into a gender role box to be accepted as a proper woman.

I get frustrated watching interviews with Kate because whenever she asks why fans want the J/C relationship to become romantic, she never gets a good answer. I understand her pushback to some extent because I don’t think a man could ever give her an answer that truly resonated with her. Men don’t think about the constant criticism that women face about not being "womanly" enough. Kate gets told that fans want the relationship because she deserves it and that is the problem. It’s not about what she deserves - it's about the women who have been constantly told from a young age what is “appropriate” for them and that if they don't change they'll end up alone cause no man will want them. They’re the ones who truly deserve to see that they can have both, represented in a strong character like Janeway, whom they’ve admired be it for a year or over 20 years

Men do face their own set of pressures though, like being told they aren’t “man enough,” which can contribute to toxic masculinity. However, Prodigy has addressed this issue beautifully through Chakotay. He’s a wonderful example of strong, non-toxic masculinity, embodying the true essence of what it means to be a man. Season 2 did a fantastic job showcasing this with both Dal and Chakotay. I just wish we could see that same level of depth and growth for Janeway, particularly for young girls who look up to her. Right now, the message feels as if you have to choose between pursuing a career or pursuing a relationship.

Truth be told, I think a big part of the issue is that Kate views Janeway as Prodigy’s lead character, which might make her feel that maintaining the “will they or won’t they” tension is necessary to keep the audience engaged. That perspective might be true if the show were solely focused on Janeway like Voyager was, but Prodigy is so much more than that. The core of Prodigy is really about the young crew and their journey. In fact, younger viewers are likely more interested in the relationship between Gwyn and Dal. I truly believe that making J/C canon wouldn’t hurt the show - instead, it could provide a positive example for the young crew and their audience to look up to. Find solace in them just as I have when I was their age, minus the horrible heartbreak thanks to Endgame lol

[lavastories]

The Votes are in from my post before the last post. My next good read will be….. *drum roll*

Psi

Now, I don’t know what to expect from this book besides that there is a side that is normal and another that’s magically gifted. I’ve done my absolute best to avoid any spoilers for any of the books in case I do choose to read them on Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, and even here on our home base Tumblr! I even do my best as well to not spoil it for any of you as. I drop little hits that’s possibly in the book and leave the imagination up to you in hopes that you also read it. But let’s get into some chapters that I read today!

Time Catcher

After reading the recently released chapters, I gotta say that my speculations were spot on! 🥳 I mean, I knew that they’d want MC for something. I was ready for this outcome but what threw me off was wanting MC to prove herself…😑 Come on Vesper, last I checked you need MC not the other way around. As far as I’m concerned she doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. And don’t even get me STARTED on the LIs. Welcome to a new beau to the plot: Lucien. And he is literally one sexy ass vampire. Sexier than Vlad…*coughs* I mean, I’m just saying. You gotta get a look at this guy—Moving on! What the hell is up Shen?!?!?! I get the whole going through the ringer but MC has been through some trails and tribulations herself. I don’t see her acting clutched…*thinks*—Let me rephrase that. I don’t see MC acting all that clutched all the time! Obviously, she get her secrets and pains. I’m starting to lowkey think if MC is an addict.🤔 Also, did MC get caught?!😱

Next up! Love, Sin, & Evil!

*sniffles*🥲 Guys, so much went down in just two chapters. It’s honestly a lot to process…🥳But, let’s break it down, shall we?

Okay, so during this read MC is literally dancing with darkness…LITERALLY! And let’s not forget about MCs boyfriend. (I don’t know who y’all chose but I chose Tony…like one does😤) And in the mist of chaos, MC lost him just like that! Just to save her. 😢I honestly blame my choices. But I’m coming up with some major speculations here. Hear me out: The shadow, phantom—or whatever you want to call it—referred to MCs boyfriend as a “third wheel,” indicating that it would get rid of him.🤔🤔 Now, you see, you don’t go getting rid of someone without an agenda. The Phantom doesn’t look like it wants to get rid of MC just the people around her. The Phantom wants MC but why? I also peeked that it called MC a “Van Helsing,”—mind you, you don’t go dropping that name around if you ain’t dealing with some real dark evil shit. Maybe MC carries this bloodline—the blood of a Van Helsing. In my pervious post I mentioned that it could have something to do with MCs heritage/bloodline. And looking here, the Phantom is dropping the Van Helsing bomb. But back to the main speculation: What could the Phantom possibly want with the MC?—it’s like the Phantom in some shape or form is becoming a LI—a dark one at that. Maybe, there is a dark love story or some prophecy that has to be fore filled or get backed to?🤔 There is definitely some spooky shit going on. And MC lost two people already equaling two candles being blown out. Obvi, I’m still piecing together the love, sin, and evil I’m sensing so far to the story. And this is what I got: The Love, is the romance between a Van Helsing and a dark being. The Sin, is the betrayal of both Van Helsing and dark being. The Evil, could be the cause and effect of the love and sin that were committed in the past, birthing something new and sinister. And let’s be real, Jonny is smart as hell because right now Mister-all-so-kind-professor isn’t looking all that kind. I’m starting to feel he’s behind it. Trying to unlock or free something. And he needs MC for that maybe?🤔 Or…his career was shit and he really need the win to prove that he can do better?😅 Either way, professor explorer is turning into professor WTF!

I’m all for the adventure but whose going to tell the princess that she’s part of the LGBTQ+ community? 👀 Someone’s gotta do it.

*Looks to MC*

Lavender: Are you going to tell them?

MC: Gosh! You catch two girls in the act one time and your suppose to break the new. *pouts*

*Lavender looks to the crowd*

Lavender: Someone’s gotta tell’em

*MC glares*

MC: You utter anything that happened in that room with Sue and I’ll have romance club revoke your privileges.

Lavender:………

*Both seats in silence*

[ashesandhackles]

lily and harry for the character meme!

Ooooh <3 my son and his fictional mom! Let's gooo.

• favorite thing about them

Harry: it will be cliche, but his bravery and sense of honour. Just recently it was pointed out to me that in GOF, he jumps over the cup (his means of escape) to get to Cedric's body first. It's incredible to me this boy is 14. Of course, i am a mess when I read Forest Again.

Lily: that her association with magic is joyous. The first scene with her when she jumps off the swing and floats in air both shows her control, her powers but also joy. It stands in contrast to Harry, whose magical powers showed up when he was in emotional distress. I really would have loved to have known more about her.

• least favorite thing about them

Harry: honestly? Pretty much nothing. Again, it is due to me enjoying flaws in characters that I find this question hard - but I will be honest, every time he lost his temper, i was either with him or was fascinated by the scene in general. My recent obsession is the scene with him and Hermione in DH in The Life and Lies chapter.

Lily: that she is a ghost in the story that exists to prop story of both her son and her former best friend. We get very little about her in comparison to James, who feels more fleshed out.

• favorite line

Harry: all the sass! But this one never fails to get me: "This is night Diddykins. That's what we call it when it gets dark like this."

Lily: "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid!" She has wit - much like her son. So many writers either go for "fiery temper" or "stuck up" - neither of which holds true on page.

• brOTP

Harry: it's Ron. Always.

Lily: the letter to Sirius was so warm and suggests a close friendship with emotional honesty (that bitchy line about Petunia's vase lol), so Sirius.

• OTP

Harry: Ginny. I really wish HBP did not take most of their relationship offscreen, but this is a relationship I know works best for him and his emotional needs from the very little we do get. Also the lovely fan content makes me really enjoy the ship.

Lily: i have read a lot of ship content with her, but I am partial to a well written Jily. So, James.

• nOTP

Harry: the same answer as the one in Sirius ask. No Sirius x Harry please 🙅

Lily: hmm ..i actually don't have any at the moment. I think my needs with her are simple - don't treat her as a trophy, but a thinking, feeling character with agency, and I am fine. Anything else, and i click out of fan content for her.

• random headcanon

Harry:- his post war Azkaban reform is done in memory of Sirius. He and Hermione also advocate for rehabilitative reforms that focuses on mental health for Azkaban.

- he and Hermione find the Half Blood Prince textbook after war and get the Potions recipes updated/revised.

Lily: that she has a sweet tooth like her son! :D she and Snape developed a capacity of being quite proficient in wandless magic and did lots of experiments over the summer. She initially called Peter "Wormy" because it annoys him, but it stuck. (New reason for Peter's betrayal: he just wanted the woman who called him an annoying nickname killed). Also, she and James are pretty terrible cooks and they really struggled in hiding at first - Sirius used to come over a lot to cook for them (given that this boy was living independently at 17).

• unpopular opinion

Harry: manifestations of Harry's abuse is right there if you know what to look for. He is not an "unrealistic victim". Also, no version of Harry would rest if he thought people were in danger - so Auror in a reformed Ministry makes perfect sense as a career choice. He is a little too driven by overdeveloped sense of responsibility to save people + adrenaline to enjoy teaching as a job.

The other one is that Albus Severus is a name that makes sense with who Harry is post war.

Lily: she is far more compelling as a flawed character who chooses to sacrifice herself for son rather than a paragon of goodness (which is not what we get in memories of her btw). I also find her friendship with Snape super dysfunctional and interesting, and criminally underexplored (or at least in a nuanced way) in canon compliant fics. Also, she and James used to both sneak out under the cloak in hiding ("no chance of excursions" she tells Sirius but she means for both James and herself. I have no idea why people read this as James gallivanating alone when he could have done so if he wanted - the dude is an Animagus)

• song i associate with them

Harry: alt-J- Nara. More about the feel of the song than anything else.

Lily : time of our lives - Tyrone Wells

• favorite picture of them

Harry: Blvnk's picture of long haired Harry. I love the hc of him looking like Sirius when he grows up!

I also love this one and this one And this one

Lily: this picture! It really captures her striking beauty while also maintaining her girl next door ish vibe.

[aquamystic]

MESSAGES FOR AUGUST

- look for your sun sign, moon sign and ascendant ☆

- take only what resonates ☆

- rt + like if you liked it

✉︎ aries ✉︎

an event you did not expect happens again but this time, it brings you a new opportunity that has a big long-lasting potential. someone is offering their hand, will you offer yours? for some, i see hesitation between two people (water sign & air sign) and there is a choice to make here. for others, it might represent a conflict between two energies, between reason and passion. find a balance and think about what has more potential.

✉︎ taurus ✉︎

financially, it is your month! expect new investments, successful contracts or even financial help from someone wealthy. a dream is soon going to be realized, especially in your career. number 17 might be important. you feel full of dreams and are walking on the path of healing, you feel more stable and optimistic. keep going and dream big!

✉︎ gemini ✉︎

despite a recent betrayal or heartbreak, you are not giving up! i see you travelling and doing bold moves. it is your moment to try new things, to go out of your comfort zone and to hide this sadness behind new experiences. this way, you are able to feel complete and to forget things for some times. give it a shot, even if you are disappointed you will know where you stand!

✉︎ cancer ✉︎

despite having organized many projects, you are able to find the confidence to do them and to enjoy them. you open your vision to new perspectives and although this month might be filled with many priorities, you succeed in accomplishing certain projects! but, you feel blocked in a situation and it might be why you keep trying to be distracted with so many things. try to breathe and to find out where this blockage comes from, you can free yourself from it.

✉︎ leo ✉︎

you are tired of all those obstacles getting in your way. you wish you could find your path and trust the future but you feel like you are not making the right choices or that someone is not honest with you or that they do everything better than you. trust urself and your skills, don't be dishonest or sneaky but rather smart and insightful while being confident.

✉︎ virgo ✉︎

i see a lot of abundance and financial help from people like family members or emotional support. an offer may come towards u and you will be able to help others yourself. despite everything, your doubts remain and new events are going to user you. you must know that you don't own anything to people and be careful with your money. your efforts will be rewarded, be grateful for the things in your life!

✉︎ libra ✉︎

for some, an union with a taurus. i see a lot of healing by finding your place in a group in which you feel really good and understood. maybe more investment in your spirituality and by seeing love in yourself and others. some sadness that you can overcome by making compromises and by choosing peace. be kind with yourself and allow yourself to heal before giving your everything.

✉︎ scorpio ✉︎

still a month that requires patience but do not be discouraged, it is preparing a new beginning, a new passion that will follow! for now, try to not be controlled by your fears and your doubts. you are unmotivated, you give a lot of yourself and you receive little or maybe you just don't want to continue. you are in the waiting period to see things in a new way but alzo to release some fears and a desire to control everything. accept to be vulnerable.

✉︎ sag ✉︎

you receive money and you start new projects: new job, moving in... take your time on all these projects and expect good results. i see great confidence, social events... enjoy this energy because you will gain optimism but do not fall into excess (overspending or not giving anything). a fire sign could help you move forward.

✉︎ capricorn ✉︎

it is your month! you feel financially independent and you get yourself nice things. for many, i see travelling with your family or friends and you allow yourfelf to have fun after working a lot. passion could arrive, someone could flirt with you or get yourself in new adventures. you could succeed in asserting yourself and not feeling dépendent of someone anymore.

✉︎ aquarius ✉︎

good news arrive and after weeks of boredom and sadness, you find inspiration for the future. you have gained maturity and this time, you are able to act in a méthodique way and to be more patient. tension between this excitment because of new things and this need to accomplish everything step by step, try to balance it out. oh stop overextending your body and relax, you have time. maybe some travel related to work.

✉︎ pisces ✉︎

in search of new experiences, for many an important travel. you succeed in seeing the good in a situation that hurts you and you get distracted by newness. despite it, there is a separation or difficult truth and your spirit and heart are in conflict. listen to your intuition and what you desire. maybe you want to go back to a situation you may have abandoned, see if you are healed. this pain may only be a step in your life and growth.

[trashlie]

I want to share a thought on Alyssa's betrayal. I was wondering what story she and those other girls gave after ShinAe's fall. Best scenario, Alyssa told the truth that ShinAe was a friend she accidentally hurt and she was in the wrong. Worst scenario, peer pressure and overwhelming guilt made Alyssa throw ShinAe under the bus. She told them the rumors about ShinAe's violent behavior and how she thought she was going to hurt her. Although that might be what she truly believed in that moment. 1/?

Would Alyssa insist all her actions are justified when she has yet to confront her malleable nature? I also wondered if she was influenced a negative view of Nol for his "troubled" past, Kousuke said he subtly warned people away from him and of course Yui could say just enough to cause a bit of friction between them. It doesn't help that he's going to jail for assault. Maybe that's why Alyssa thought he was getting riled up when he was defending her at the park (also the latest fp ep). 2/?

I loved reading your post on how Nol would empathize with Alyssa's guilt over ShinAe's fall. How do you think he would feel if he learned Alyssa viewed ShinAe as dangerous based on those types of rumors? It's similar to his own classmates' gossip. Do asks still have a character limit???? I'm sorry to bombard you with multiple asks otherwise I feel like tumblr would eat it 3/3

Ahhhh, Nonny I love this ask, thank you so much for sending it in because I've been thinking about it a lot today!

As usual, VERY LONG ridiculously long post under the read more. Please note because I'm writing this about Alyssa I'm trying to be biased in her favor in how this is written, if that makes sense? As readers, it's easy to hate her for her wishy washiness and the way she's hurt Nol and Shinae and because in general people do not like spineless women. I do find some aspects of Alyssa to be interesting, which I'd love to get to in another post. I don't think she's, you know, a character whose moral compass guides her so much as a character whose moral compass is given no room in her current circumstances to guide her, if that makes sense. She has a lot of growing to do and a lot of choices to make. But I tried to write this with the understanding that, like Kousuke, Alyssa is the product of her environment and has been heavily sheltered and carries a complex about being liked, and that heavily affects the way she treats people. It doesn't justify her actions, but it's always good to remember.

I should really write about her some more later lmao she's so interesting because she's kind of a mess lmao. Anyway!

Alyssa is honestly such a wildcard at this point that it's really hard to tell what she's been thinking or what she knows or what her ulterior motives are (if she has them) since so much has been withheld from us yet, and I know a lot of fandom hates her because she doesn't have a very good reputation, but I think ultimately, at this point, Alyssa is a pretty good person caught in some really uncomfortable situations. I know people can argue "she's not really good if she acts like this" but I think there's a difference between a spineless person and someone who is actively choosing harm. I'm not denying that Alyssa has hurt people and continues to inflict hurt. That's not what I'm talking about - because if that was the case then boy do we have some conversations to have about Nol. But when I say I believe Alyssa is nice, I mean I believe that deep down she doesn't enjoy these situations but due to circumstances (her career, her family, Yui's power over her, her general avoidance of confrontations and people pleasing instincts, what she wants in life) she is "helpless" to do anything about them. Again, yes, she could stand up to people, but doing that risks losing things, and that's what I'm trying to get at.

I'm absolutely willing to believe the worst case scenario - or even that her friends said their "account" of what happened and Alyssa, in a state of shock and guilt, probably went along with it. I don't think she reacted in a way that suggested she thought Shinae would hurt her, as much as a derisive don't touch me, but regardless, I wouldn't be surprised if Alyssa had believed the rumors about Shinae, because realistically, Alyssa didn't have a lot of grounds to believe otherwise. They barely knew each other and moreover, Alyssa lacked the interpersonal skills to know otherwise. She just wanted to fit into something and her own parents were saying they thought Shinae was a bad influence.

The thing is, had Alyssa not caused an accident that caused Shinae substantial harm, this would be a one off thing that wouldn't matter, because middle schoolers make and lose friends all the time and Alyssa listening to more popular kids (and her parents' influence, we can't forget that) is a perfectly normal, if not bratty, thing to do. Middle school is hell lol. But because Alyssa caused an accident that has caused Shinae unresolved trauma, we view that experience differently.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that Alyssa WAS very shocked and guilt-wracked and that it was probably difficult for her to answer for what happened, but also knowing she is a pro at deflecting, I can imagine it may have been difficult for her to give a straight answer. I really can't imagine she admitted that yes she pushed Shinae but she didn't mean to that she didn't want this to happen. (And if her parents were at all involved in the questioning, there's plenty of room to provoke, say things like "did she do anything to make you push her" blah blah blah.)

Would Alyssa insist all her actions are justified when she has yet to confront her malleable nature?

I love this question in particular because that's the thing - it's hard for us to say, right? If Alyssa IS at heart a nice person who is caught up in her experiences and situations, I'd think at some point the guilt would outweigh the justification - that deep down, no matter what lies she tells herself, she would ultimately have to confront her own behavior and the things she's done or accepted. Seeing Shinae at the formal, Alyssa certainly acted on what seems to be guilt and fear - she's never really contended with this part of her past and she's hidden it from Nol, because she's afraid of what he'll think of her when he finds out. To me, this means Alyssa is, on some level, ashamed - because she hurt someone and she feels guilt about it, and it doesn't suit her good girl image. I said it before, but I don't think Alyssa ever got therapy for causing that accident, but just as much as Shinae needs it, so does Alyssa. She literally could have killed Shinae, even though that wasn't her intention, even though I don't think she intended any harm to her. I think that's a really heavy experience to deal with! And all that guilt and possible horror was shoved away where it was never properly dealt with.

But what's really good about this question is that I think Alyssa sits in the middle of two options. She can listen to her heart and start denying that her behavior can be justified. But, like with Kousuke and his accountability, that means Alyssa will have to take accountability for her actions, and that's what will tell us what kind of person Alyssa is - or wants to be. What does she favor and covet the most: is it to be loved and idolized by all, to be powerful and influential, to be someone others look up to; or is it to be free of other peoples' opinions, free to be herself, free to make the friends she wants, free to live the life she wants.

Certainly I think at this point she believes her actions are justified ("we were just kids", "i never meant to hurt her", "Yeonggi is using me for his sake, too", "our relationship was never that serious", "these people are important to my career I have to schmooze with them if i want to get anywhere", "everything will work out when i have more power i'll be free of everyone") but I think it may be that she's forcing herself to believe it, because every time we've seen Alyssa faced with the effects of her behavior, the way she has hurt people, she grows upset and deflects. If she truly saw nothing wrong with how she treats people, I think she'd handle it with more confidence, unbothered. Kousuke does thigs that hurt people all the time, but he adamantly believes that it's the right thing and is unflummoxed when people tell him he's hurt them (and the few times we do see him bothered tend to involve Nol and I think we know that whether he acknowledges it, he's been in the wrong). Alyssa doesn't match that confidence, though, which leads me to believe she knows it's wrong and she probably even feels guilty about it - but she wants to believe that it's all worth it because if it's not, it means she's done awful things and hurt good people for no reason. And how do you contend with that?

And that's why I think at her core she has a good heart but she is navigating it poorly. It doesn't mean she's BEING good, but sometimes good people get caught up in situations the struggle to navigate. Alyssa wants to be loved and be influential and powerful (we think). She's been at the mercy of her family her entire life, the baby of the family, and given that Meg is the "disappointment" there's even more pressure riding on Alyssa's shoulders to do well. Her family is of a certain pedigree - we even saw this in how Meg regarded Shinae (and though she was speaking out of jealousy, it surely still came from some kind of truth). Her family may be well off but they are nothing like Hirahara rich - but they want to mingle. Alyssa has been afforded the opportunity to run with a crowd she wouldn't easily have been able to before, to meet people who are powerful (journalists/reporters, magazine and newspaper editors, CEOs, etc etc) all who could be advantageous to form an acquaintance with. And there's no doubt that she's been pushed by her family to pursue this - whether through Nol or not [eyes].

Does she even want to be an idol or is this a step towards what she really wants? Is it something she's just going with because it aligns with what she wants and she just deeply craves the feeling of being loved by all these strangers? Nol and co once remarked that Alyssa never really seemed like she was a person who wanted fame/to be an idol, and I'm dying to know how it happened. Was it just that Yui once remarked how pretty Alyssa is and wouldn't she make such a wonderful idol and planted a seed (or maybe a shackle, depending on how the case really is).

Does Alyssa want to be part of a power couple because she believes that only then will she have the freedom she really wants, the power and influence her parents have pushed her towards? If this is what she truly believes she needs to go after (not even if it's what she wants but rather if it's what she believes she must do), then she will eventually believe sincerely that her actions are justified - but if she goes in that direction then it's a safe bet that she's chosen her side.

I have absolutely veered off topic lol but I digress, please bear with me! I wasn't kidding when I said I had a lot of thoughts about her lately.

Now I DO think she's been influenced, and I'm tickled that you contemplated if Kousuke has "warned" her because I do still think there's a lot more up with them than we've yet seen. Don't think I've forgotten how long it took him to call her when he was searching for Nol, or how he acts around her. I don't know what I make of it, but I would not be surprised if Kousuke hadn't made some kind of hint once, because that's just the kind of person Kousuke is, isn't it? After all, he truly believes his account of things. I also DO think it's also VERY likely for Yui to have made some kind of comment, some kind of backhanded compliment that sounds completely harmless but is enough to plant a seed of wonder in Alyssa's head. I cannot write characters like Yui to save my life but something along the lines of how nicely he cleans up and he almost doesn't resemble his past self and who would have thought such an aggressive boy could be so decent or something that would be JUST enough to make her wonder. Also, given that the "violent" altercation of the past made news, maybe it's a story that Alyssa's parents remember? (But in that case, wouldn't they push her to break up with Nol? Or are they pushing her towards Kousuke, hoping she can get with the "good Hirarahara" boy? So many questions with them.) She didn't witness Nol punching Sangchul, but the news of his "violent behavior" is probably enough, yes, to make her think of him as getting "riled up".

I wonder how much of that side of Nol Alyssa knows about - I don't think he's SHOWN it often, because Nol seems really good at hiding it, but at the same time, when it comes to Kousuke he struggles to stay in check. Have there been many opportunities for her to observe them together? Was there ever a time when Nol would get riled up and would call/talk to Alyssa or did they never reach such a level where he was able to try that?

How do you think he would feel if he learned Alyssa viewed ShinAe as dangerous based on those types of rumors?

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION! The irony is that while I think he'd identify with Alyssa in her role in accidentally hurting Shinae, but Shinae's experience is also equally relatable to him, cast off and mischaracterized due to something in her past that was not her fault (as we believe is the case of Nol and his violent altercation). It makes me wonder if Alyssa would bring that point up - maybe yes, if the whole point is that she needs to justify her wrongdoings that she knows in her heart are wrong. I mean, I guess on the one hand, being an accident, she wouldn't really NEED to justify pushing Shinae, but suppose the event was revealed in a way that wasn't of her own doing/confession. Let's suppose someone from middle school went online and made a bullying reveal re: Alyssa, that they knew she pushed someone over the rail and caused a serious injury and "she's not the good girl image she puts on, believe me, she's not as nice as she seems". In that case, yes, I think she would panic and become defensive, overexplain things, insist that she didn't mean to doing it she didn't want to hurt her, but double down and insist that she was scared of her and everyone said she was violent and she heard she beat up someone really bad and she reacted. (I guess in this scenario it's not really able to connect to Shinae, though, and that's what is really important here. It has to be revealed in a way that reveals it was an altercation between her and Shinae. I used to dream of Nol getting dragged to Minhyuk's party and them seeing Alyssa on tv would lead to Minhyuk saying something about it lol but that's clearly not happening. I still think there's room for Alyssa to accidentally confess to it in order to save her own ass but find out that Nol didn't actually know and she never had to confess but this is convoluted lol. Maybe it would be enough for the bullying post to say that the girl she pushed was bullied by everyone and everyone thought she was really violent and stuff, enough for Nol to connect with the bullied person aka Shinae?)

I can't believe I never thought of this before but now I really, really want Nol to learn this of Shinae - because he's so certain that he is what people see him as, he seems to be giving in to the perception, but if he learned that people had thought the same of Shinae as they do him, I think it would wreck him? Because he knows what kind of person she is and has seen vulnerable parts of her. She became a friend he cared about and I think it would hurt him to know that anyone ever treated her that way, that she went through what he did, when she never deserved it. And BECAUSE he knows it's a situation the same as his, it might be easy for him to deduce that the stories told about her weren't true. We could argue that he has no way to know it's not the case, but I think he knows her well enough as well as his own situation that he wouldn't believe it. Would it be able to teach him that if Shinae deserves that kind of understanding from him, that he deserves it from his own friends? Would it show him that there are people who will always see ugly monsters in people but that doesn't make them true? God I would hope so.

But regarding Alyssa, I'm very torn here. It would be easy for him to relate to both of them, and I think it would depend on which version of himself he's willing to embrace: the version who only brings harm to those who he loves and is seen as a monster; or the version of him who was framed a monster, who no one ever truly saw for who they really are, the version of himself who lived in the shadow of someone he never was. And if he chose the latter, would it affect his view of Alyssa? On the one hand, she was young, can he blame her for believing the stories people told? But on the other, like he was, Shinae was also young when she was bullied and treated as something she wasn't, and did she deserve that? I guess the most neutral reaction would be to understand Alyssa but also sympathize with Shinae.

(Another thought I need to come back to later but not in this post because wow this is long lmao is: what does Nol feel about Alyssa? Has he ever had feelings for her? What did her friendship mean to him? And yes this is partly inspired by the 168 Fast Pass but it's something I've been thinking about more and more since I made that last post about Alyssa's past!)

[citadelspires]

Ducktales AU Concept Because My Brain Runs On Concepts I Can’t Finish:

Dewey actually waits for the signal to start the boat and they actually leave for Cape Suzette without Donald finding out. He believes they’re ready to be left alone for small periods at a time and while he is still hired on with Glomgold the obvious complications there happen and he simply just goes back to whatever he was doing, because Scrooge wasn’t reinvigorated by the kids and never ended up going to Atlantis in the first place. Cut to the ambiguously set point of over a year later, and we get the return of Della from the moon, but to a drastically different world than the one she comes back to in the show. (For the sake of the au I’m just gonna say the moon invasion doesn’t happen cause the point of this is to focus on the characters and the imminent and impossible to stop moon threat would actually be impossible to stop in this au). I’m just gonna go through the characters and where they’d be at in this setting.

The first, and arguably one of the most affected is  Scrooge: He never got back into adventuring due to the absence of the kids pushing him back into the business. He continues to be profitable and avoid Glomgold’s attempts on his life but he’s generally less cheery and interested in the world than he is in the show. He cares about money and he only cares about money. Everything and everyone else are a second thought to him. Like she does in canon Della makes for McDuck Manor immediately upon return to earth only to find that the only one waiting for her is Scrooge. He opens the door to find her and his initial reaction is joy at seeing her but a secondary reaction he feels poking at the back of his mind is one of shame that this is the state he’s in for her to return to, particularly when she asks him where her kids are and he just tells her he doesn’t know. There’s a look of betrayal in her eyes when she realizes that he just abandoned everyone and cut off every aspect of the life he used to have and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Scrooge wants to offer to come with her to find them but something holds him back and he doesn’t. She runs off to find them herself and despite everything he wants to the contrary Scrooge just goes to his office like he would any other day, knowing that the person he’s been missing for over ten years now is finally returned after he thought she was dead and here he is acting like nothing is different.

Launchpad is fun because he never has any reason for Scrooge to find out he’s a pilot. He tries to mention it to Scrooge occasionally, like we see in the first episode, but just like in that episode he’s always ignored. Not that Scrooge would have any adventures for Launchpad to take him to anyway. So Launchpad continues being nothing but Scrooge’s driver. And that’s enough for him because he’s Launchpad you know? And he still looks up to Scrooge a lot, but he’s never given the opportunity to grow close to him, or anyone really. Fittingly enough for Launchpad, he’s just been living life on autopilot for a couple years, not really expecting anything to ever change.

Webby has two distinct directions you can go and I chose to go for the sadder one. She continues to be shut in the mansion. I choose to take her speech in the first episode about how she hasn’t ever left literally and say that Beakley kept her there her entire life. The possible other direction I mentioned is one where she only grows more anxious and hopeful to see the outside world and she’s basically just even Webbier than she already is. But that’s less angsty and enjoyable for me to mess with so instead I’m gonna go with she hit this wall at some point in the year or so between when she would have met HDL and when Della comes back from the moon. The weight of being alone starts to get to her and she starts to wonder if all her optimism and hopes are just a poor defense system put up to let her pretend she’s gonna have a better future than the life she’s got. She also makes continuous attempts to interact with Scrooge but the more he lets age settle in and distance himself from adventures the less she feels engaged with his existence. He starts to feel to her not like an idol or a model to live her life by but like a living, breathing symbol of how her hopes and positivity are shallow and baseless. Cause Scrooge McDuck was the only thing that kept her going for years and this is nothing like the hero she read about. But that’s the thing. She’s only really read about him. As far as anything heroic goes. So she reaches the final breaking point of all of this and decides that Scrooge is a fake and leaves behind her signature bright, bubbly attitude on life. This is the state she’s in when the story starts, to the point where a scene happens at some point after she gets drawn into the plot where she’s been outside of the manor now and Dewey offers her a hamburger and she says it looks disgusting.

Lena never got the chance to become friends with Webby and get her route into McDuck Manor. But that also means she never got the chance to learn about being good from the literal goodest person in the universe. She isn’t interested in doing the right thing and not hurting Scrooge or anything she’s just following Magica’s orders cause that’s what she’s being forced to do. But as part of the whole thing where she hasn’t got an in route into the manor she also hasn’t gotten any means of being successful in really any capacity in this endeavor. As a result Magica has... not. been kind to her. So while she isn’t evil she’s been living as magica’s meat puppet with the witch constantly in her head tormenting her for her failures for months on end and she was already morally ambiguous to begin with. So she’d take out Magica in a heartbeat if she could but there’s nothing that says she wouldn’t just explode afterwards.

Mark Beaks never had his B.U.D.D.Y. contested because Launchpad was never told about the self driving car and even if he had been he didn’t have the standing with Scrooge to make a difference and he didn’t have Dewey to help him make the declaration. As a result the product went up without any hitches. It was a massive success until BulbTech kicked in, turned evil, and suddenly it wasn’t. Anyone who could afford a B.U.D.D.Y. was using one, and the results were catastrophic. Not even Beaks had enough good press and money to pay for all that. He narrowly avoided prison but he was never taken seriously or given any chances to build up a company again. He still lives his life stealing technology and messing with inventions as he always did but now he does it a lot more illegally, a lot more dangerously, and a lot less sanely. Most devastatingly though, he gets like, no good press. People won’t even be caught dead following his twitter. He’s living his worst nightmare and he’s going to do whatever it takes to change that.

Gyro fires Fenton for leaking BulbTech on the internet and never looks back. He continues the work that Scrooge wants him to do and Fenton never drives him to push the envelope or do anything even close to what Gizmoduck becomes. He continues with his own dangerous projects and ideas but he does play it safe for some time. He’s content to just be making stuff, and Scrooge is content to just have stuff made for him. But he also never really gets to unleash that, well, part of Gearloose where he’s got a gear loose and it seems like he might just snap and make something really wild any day now.

Fenton never had to become Gizmoduck that iconic first time, so he just. Didn’t. The armor was left in its development phase as it was, and Fenton was never even considered to be the man in the suit when it reached testing. And it was only used for the menial tasks Gyro originally designed it for, as Fenton was the only one who had come up with the idea to use it for Gizmoduck at all, and he’s not there anymore, not that Gyro would listen to him anyway. Though it wasn’t as if Scrooge was in any state of mind to be hiring any superheroes in the first place. So Fenton continues trying to find some way to make a difference in the world with his intelligence but it... never really pans out.

Drake gets the role in the Darkwing movie, as in canon, as Scrooge is still interested enough in money to listen to the proposition for the film and try it out. The visit Launchpad has with Jim goes as his visits always do, and the fact that Dewey isn’t there to assist with Launchpad and attract Jim’s attention means Jim just gives up and leaves as soon as Launchpad faints, not even listening to what Drake is trying to tell him. So Jim never finds out about the movie until it’s already released, and Drake experiences no opposition in the filming, barely even remembering his one interaction with Launchpad at all. Scrooge cuts the budget for the finale but lets the movie go through anyway, despite his better judgement, mostly because he already spent the money. It’s a commercial and critical disaster and Drake’s acting career never gets off the ground, and he never has the inspiration to become Darkwing for real.

Donald continues to live just as we see him in the first episode, doing his best to support his kids while bouncing from job to job because he just can’t hold one down for any length of time. Life is hard for him but it’s the same as he’s always known it for the past ten years so he’s used to it, and having the kids with him is always enough for him.

Huey continues to make a name for himself in the Junior Woodchucks (i.e. robotics champion four years running) but he never really gets the chance to light the fire under his curiosity and love of knowledge. He learns as much as he can but it’s only as much as he’s ever been told he can. He learns within the boundaries of school and the Junior Woodchucks and that’s kind of enough for him because he never considers how much he could learn beyond the boundaries of how things have always worked. 

Dewey is as desperate to be famous and appreciated as he always is, and Dewey DewNight is most certainly still a thing, but it’s even less viewed and interesting than it is in canon. He’s not letting himself get disheartened but he looks at the way Donald lives on a boat and can’t hold a job and wonders if that’s what he’s gonna be someday. If despite all of his efforts and aspirations he’s going to end up falling at every turn and there’ll just be nothing he can dew about it. He doesn’t let it weigh him down too much but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t keep him up at night sometimes.

Louie is actually doing amazing. He’s living his best life. He’s lazy and scheme-y, still doing things like plotting that venture to Cape Suzette we see in that first episode, but he never has to wonder about his usefulness or place in the family, cause it’s just him, Dewey, and Huey, along with Donald. Donald is unemployed half the time, Huey is gonna be some big genius scientist guy sure, and maybe Dewey’s gonna get big someday but right now they’re just kids, and there’s absolutely nothing that makes Louie feel like that’s not enough. He doesn’t do as much here, there’s not any schemes that will make him rich or any Louie Inc, but the seeds of those ideas are still in his soul somewhere, he’ll find them when he needs them he’s pretty sure.

And that’s all the characters that I can think of to get into off the top of my head. I really just did this for fun so I don’t know if I’ll ever be doing anything else with it but these are all the ideas I got. Feel free to ask me about them or anything I’m just havin fun with it.

[starkidpotty]

The Good Side [DLM]

You and Draco lament on what could’ve been and what would’ve been fun had things been different. 

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader 

Words: ~2.1k

A/N: I took a lot of liberties writing Draco out, so I’m sorry if the characterization is a little whack. (any draco writers out there...advice is welcome pls message huhu) i hope u guys enjoy it nonetheless <3 

The sun beat down on the northern part of Diagon Alley that day. It was the transitional period between summer and spring, where the weather hit just the right spot and everyone was out to enjoy their time. It was quite the contrast to what you and Draco had come to discuss at Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Shop.

Draco was sat across from you, people-watching while scooping up his raspberry ice cream. You decided against ice cream that day, with your hands folded gracefully on your lap. You and he would occasionally steal glances at each other, trying to urge each other to start the conversation. Whether it was pride or shyness that hindered you two from talking, you were not sure. The heat was starting to get to you, as you were now starting to get annoyed with the silence you two didn’t need to share. 

“How’s the MACUSA and Ministry effort?” Draco starts, as though he were aware of the irritation building inside you. He was always one step ahead of you, a skill he still proved to have been proficient at even though it had been years after you two parted ways. 

“Same old, same old–only I spearhead it now.” You answer him quite proudly. He stops picking at his ice cream to flash a smile your way. 

“I always told you’d  get it, didn’t I? The Ministry would be fools to let such talent go to waste.” 

A heavy pause blankets you both. The air between you two was a tripe mixture of nostalgia and despondency. As uncomfortable as it was, neither of you made moves to fuel the conversation further. Draco picks at his cup again, and you fixate on a wizard carrying a stack of books making his way out of Flourish and Blott’s. 

You take a deep breath in, “Alright, I think it’s time to save us the awkwardness, yeah?” 

Draco puts down his ice cream cup, turning his body and chair to face you. He perches his folded hands on the table and looks at you intently. Your body is still facing the street the ice cream shop overlooks, but your head is turned to look back at him. 

“I need the ring back.” He states his purpose simply. 

“Then, you’ll get it back. Need not worry, Draco.” You grab your purse and shuffle through its contents until you finally palm the velvet ring box. You gently place the box on the table. 

“Perfect.” Draco says to you, as he opens the ring box, examining the emerald ring inside. 

“When are you planning on asking Astoria?” You ask Draco, trying to make your tone as neutral as possible. 

“All I can say is soon. I just know I’m going to marry her.” 

You won’t lie to yourself and say that there isn’t a small part of you that finds this deeply saddening. Draco and your’s relationship was good, to say the least–as good as it gets as childhood acquaintances to Slytherin housemates to lovers. All firsts were shared with each other: first kiss, first time, first I love you’s. You watched him as he received the Dark mark, held his hand through Lucius’ trial after the war, and watched each other in the early stages of your respective careers. It wasn’t the beginning and middle that was terrible so much as the end. There was never any big event that had caused either of you to fall out of love. There was no third party, no betrayal, no selfishness, no greed. It was quiet–that was the best way you could describe it–the ending crept up on the both of you, sleeping on your chests until the weight became too heavy to shudder away. You looked at each other and no longer sought each other out in the future. The breakup itself was amicable and neutral, with the both of you accepting that you had merely outgrown each other, despite having grown together. On some nights, imagining what could’ve been sent you down two paths, where you either resented each other or fell back in together. It bothers you sometimes to think of the latter, but you know well enough it was going to be the former. 

You smile sweetly at Draco in response, looking back down at your hands as you were at a loss for words. 

“I’m glad you found someone, I really am.” You say as you finally unknot the tie your tongue was in.

Draco looks around, as though making sure no one would be able to hear the next sentence to fall out of his mouth.  “D’you ever think we could’ve made it to that point?” 

“You did propose to me, hence why we’re here.” You chuckle lightly and continue, “but, I think we would’ve grown to hate each other, if I’m being honest, Draco.” 

Draco squints to look up at the sun, trying to muster a response. 

You look back at him with your mouth twisted into a half-smile, brows furrowed, mildly amused that he asked. He finally turns to you and catches your expression, making him smile slightly. 

“Why do you think that?” Draco asks you intently. 

“Well, I think we just became different people. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” 

One of the things Draco had to learn was choosing his words carefully before speaking them. He was never keen on being heedful with what he’d say, as evidenced by his formative years at Hogwarts, even when he was talking to you. However, his early years in litigation forced him to catch his tongue before it made any unfavorable comment on stakeholders during a trial. His eyes were shut in deep concentration, trying to map out what to say next to you. 

“What happened between us?” Draco asks you. “I still ask myself that a lot sometimes. Not for anything, but it’s just hard for me to understand. It just happened upon us, quickly too might I add.” 

You take a few moments to ponder, to craft out your dialogue, “It wasn’t that anything happened, Draco. It was moreso that nothing happened at all.”

“Did we grow to hate each other, is that it?” Draco tries hard to hide his classic schoolboy sneer, but fails. 

“Draco, I could never hate you. You of all people should know that.” You huff out, suddenly frustrated at his tone. 

“Sorry, [Y/N], that didn’t come out quite right.” 

“S’alright, I understand.” 

Draco curses himself for the drastic change in mood, he didn’t mean for it to happen. 

“It’s just strange to think, I suppose.” He asks again, more careful now with his tone.

“What is?” You turn your head to face him. Suddenly, the years you spent apart are splayed on his face in developing forehead wrinkles and tired eyes. You are studying the new features on his face intently, making sure that this is the Draco you had spent more than two decades with. 

“Weren’t we always sure of what was to come to both of us? As though we had so much control over the next few years of our lives?” 

You breathe in and close your eyes before you answer. In a flash, you are taken back to nights spent in the Slytherin common room, talking hypothetical situations with Draco–what you’d do if in the event the hospital made a mistake and you were having twins instead of one child, what if you became a quidditch star and he your number #1 fan instead of working for the Ministry, what if you both ran off to an island off the coast of Greece and raised sheep and never came back? 

You reply to him solemnly, “I think the universe is funny that way, don’t you think?” 

“Merlin, you sound like you belong with the quacks in the Department of Mysteries.” 

“Shut up, it’s a saying muggles like to parrot, thought it would go nicely with the tone of conversation.” 

Draco pauses and continues, “Didn’t we always have our own sense of time? That extended into our plans, who our hypothetical kids would be. It’s insane to me how that changed so fast,” 

“I agree.” You tell him, “We were supposed to marry each other, for Merlin’s sake!” 

Draco sighs, looking off to the side. 

You never held any ill-intent with how you and Draco ended, but now you realize that was just you. Not once had you considered that he was hurting more than you due to the peaceful nature of the breakup. It was criminally naive of you to have thought Draco was just as at peace as you after ending a decade-long relationship. 

“Well, do you hate me, Draco?” You ask him at your realization. 

“More than 10 years together and, what? Four years apart, you think I could hate you?” Draco asks you, almost offended at your question. “You know the answer to that, [Y/N].”

“Were you ever angry at me? For how,” You pause trying to look for the term to best describe, “calm I was when I told you I wanted to leave?”

Draco’s practiced this conversation so many times in his head, but he still takes a moment to process the words he wants to use to convey his emotions. “For a time, yes. I was angry with you. But not the kind of angry I usually am. It was an anger that made me question so many things.”

“I had just always thought time was an excellent indicator of a strong relationship, I mean, 10 years? Would you question it then? A decade? So, to put it simply, I was angry–angry that time wasn’t enough to salvage what we had. But, I think that was naivety talking. This is in no offense to you at all, I cherish our time together so much so. But, Astoria? It’s as right as anything, and not even time could tell me how to feel about her.” 

You look at Draco in awe, wondering when he had crossed the line from boy to man in the four years you spent apart. Draco was always smart, no doubt. But, this Draco sat in front of you–carefully choosing his words and explaining his emotions–it was entirely new. You reached over to hold Draco’s hand, but not in the way you and he would hold hands years ago. It was in an I’m proud of how far you’ve grown, type of way. Draco was taken aback, but understood quickly, always privy to your emotions, whether they were tacit or overt. He squeezed your hand back. 

“[Y/N], I need you to know that you are such a huge part of who I am today, I can never discount that. Ever.” Draco says to you, your hand still in his. “We’ve done so much good for each other, we really have.” 

“We really have, Draco. Astoria’s so lucky, she has to know that.” 

Draco’s famous smirk makes an appearance on his mouth, “I’m damn well sure she knows.” 

You throw your head back in laughter, letting go of his hand, “Merlin, there you are again–cocky boy from Slytherin.” 

“Cocky boy from the litigation department, I’d rather hear that.” 

You both laugh at each other like no time has passed. Like both of you were back in the Slytherin common room after bedtime talking about all the dumb things two teenagers thought were important at the time. You two catch up a little bit more, further detailing your efforts in dating and at the ministry (with the former being quite futile), and he diving into how he and Astoria came to be. You and Draco filled in the blanks from the last few years until the conversation boils down to a halt. You say your goodbyes, hugging each other, wishing each other well and walking toward opposite ends of Diagon Alley. 

As much as you thought this a heavy task to fulfill, you left the conversation with a light heart and even lighter shoulders. There is relief you haven’t felt since you left Draco. The relationship, as good as it was, was best left how it ended. No mourning, no lamenting could rewrite the ending or the years succeeding it in the same way no regret or guilt could change the years prior to it. All you knew was the good that you and Draco left in the spaces between you two. 

--

masterlist here | requests open

[emersonfreepress]

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches ​​ asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

[alyjojo]

Couples Spread - December 2021 - Gemini

Mutual energy:

King of Swords - 7 Wands - 6 Wands

Regarding: Knight of Cups

This King can be you, being swords, someone else, or the two of you are standing your ground & feeling victorious in some love matter together. The King here is very stable in his career and business, moving quickly towards a place of strength in a committed love relationship too, with Hierophant at the bottom. 7 Wands shows you both defending your positions, rushing in with some truth or messages and feeling you’re right about a matter of growth and expansion or some artistic opportunity. It looks like there’s a lot of love here, but you’re both juggling so many responsibilities you might not have time for each other, 4 Swords at the bottom shows you both being exhausted, either literally or in regards to having to defend yourselves.

Last we have 6 Wands, victory, achievement, promotion, regarding some very painful betrayal and ending of loving and passionate messages, or two young people, possibly your children or someone much younger. Knight of Cups is at the head of the read here, they could be sharing this message with you in a spirit of reciprocity or equal give and take, could be this relationship was a lot of drama and you’re both feeling good that it’s over.

How you feel about them:

Page of Pentacles - King of Cups - The Emperor

Regarding: Ace of Wands

You forgive your father? That’s what I heard, it’s for someone. That’s a side story, sometimes the Page can be working things out, and the King can be an apology. Others could be getting opportunities for promotion, or learning new skills for the purpose of moving up at their job. You have a lot of love for your person, with that King, you just might not show it outwardly, but rather show a side of being in charge and in control, or seeming “controlling” in some cases. Separately, this Page could be a message regarding work that leaves you feeling dissatisfied, defeated and battle weary right before the holidays, or about them, and in this case that Ace can represent your anger, feeling a passion for something new and being blocked and walled off from it instead.

This King of Cups is very stable & happy in their relationship, this could represent one of you. Very stable and doing everything in your power to manifest this commitment with your person, possibly even a marriage. Last we have The Emperor with The World, 2 Cups, King of Wands. You can’t get a better read for love, you’re taking full control of the direction of this relationship, it’s coming to a happy conclusion and 10 cups at the bottom shows this is the fairy tale ending you’ve been dreaming of. Whatever got you down initially is heavily minimized by all you’ve got going for you here, and you’re running the show ❤️

How they feel about you:

2 Wands rev - The High Priestess - 4 Wands

Regarding: 6 Pentacles

Your partner is fearful of a new opportunity or leaving their comfort zone, taking a good look inside of themselves and trying to figure out what it is they want to give this connection. They could be relying on a lot of intuition here, something has them feeling like maybe they can’t rely on you, or they don’t know who they can trust in terms of give and take, reciprocity. This 2 Wands rev is about the fear they’re having in choosing a path, it mirrors the 7 Wands row between you, and the 4 Swords rev that was on the bottom there came out first here to clarify. They’re exhausted with this, completely burned out and in-and-out about a new opportunity to stand their ground again (seems like an again, not just once). Queen of Swords at the bottom can be you, being Swords, or they’re heavily focused on the facts in front of them rather than emotions, cutting away whatever excess to this situation here.

The High Priestess is clarified by The Devil, Death, and Queen of Cups. Y’all. This is some heavy energy. For as loving & committed as your side is, your partner is going through some major inner turmoil here. With the Priestess and The Devil, they could be obsessive over someone or something, feel emotionally blackmailed, could seem very intimidating or “out of reach” regarding a Death of their own loving emotions, or possibly a relationship or situation with this Queen of Cups if a person. They could’ve just known something wasn’t right intuitively, and to take the 6 Pentacles quite literally, they aren’t giving what you’re giving, or vice versa. The last row here for them shows they just don’t trust, or know what to do in order to commit and give the commitment you want on your side. They don’t trust the fairy tale ending, or in some cases they’re worried about family problems, either their own or yours.

Messages -

Your side: I just want you to be happy 😊

Their side: Twin Flame 🔥

Oracles -

Your side: Don’t criticize others, it sets up negativity in your lower body.

Their side: Quit obsessing about whether you’re a good enough mother, father, or any other family member. If your motive is pure, God knows your heart.

Signs you may be dealing with: Taurus dominates heavily, Leo, Cancer and Aries, but as always they’re all here.

[honhonluigi]

I have a headcanon why Junko chan loves despair when she was younger she was homeless and her and Mukuro Chan’s parents had a divorced that’s why their last names are different and she start get depressed and the more she got depressed the more she got crazy that’s why she loves despair sorry it’s not the best headcanon 

Oh, I have a really deep headcanon/theory as to why Junko loves despair, since they never bother to give us any fucking motives for her in the game.

I think Junko and Mukuro have different last names because 'Junko Enoshima' is a stage name. I mean, most musicians and celebrities and models choose different names when they get big. Ikusaba is Junko's real last name, and who knows if her first name is the same or not? I definitely think it's possible that Junko Enoshima is a stage name. She may even have had it officially changed by law so that it shows that way on official Hope's Peak documents. (And knowing that trend, I'm squinting at Sayaka Maizono's name).

But the divorce thing is plausible too. That's another theory I had for their names, that her parents split and Junko took one last name and Mukuro took the other. I headcanon that Junko was close to her mother and Mukuro was close to their father (or at least wanted to please him), and a divorce would definitely fit with that. One went with one parent, and the other went with the other. Junko became more 'girly' from being close to their mother and Mukuro became a tough soldier from trying to please their father. I could see either one. Or maybe both?

As for Junko becoming obsessed with despair...I have a pretty wild theory about this, but it's supported by some evidence from the games.

Okay, so, first of all: Disregard the anime. The anime is wrong. The anime goes against established game canon. I am not acknowledging the anime in my theories.

Remember how Izuru killed the Student Council? In the second game, we learn that the student council murders and the Kamukura Project are what started the tragedy, not Junko. She just piggybacked off those concepts to turn the grief and anger onto Hope's Peak. That's canon. She used the kidnap of and experimentation on Hajime Hinata to turn the Reserve Course against ultimates, and the cover-up of the Student Council murders to turn civilians and ultimates against Hope's Peak. That much is canon.

In the first game, we find the room where the student council was massacred. (This is the only time in the games when blood is shown red and not pink, by the way.) We find that and it says 'an eye for an eye' in blood on the wall. Presumably written by Izuru, since it was his vengeful murder spree. (Also they replaced his eyes in the KP, so...It fits). Anyway, Monokuma comes into this room, and Makoto starts demanding answers from him as to what happened there. Monokuma, who is Junko's voice throughout the game, says "What? Am I being blamed for this again? I have no idea what happened in this room!" And reiterates that he had nothing to do with it. That's canon. It's canon that Junko had nothing to do with the student council murders.

Jin Kirigiri, Kyoko's father, was headmaster of the school. He was kind of a douchebag. That's canon too. Junko had a special revenge-boner for him, since she made him a special execution at the beginning of the game. That's also canon. Throughout Hope's Peak in the first game, we see little drawings and comics on the blackboards. One of those comics shows Makoto and Kyoko looking away from Monokuma doing something, or holding someone down? I can't remember exactly. And Makoto says something like "I can't see" or "don't look at it". Something like that. I can't remember it exactly, but that's the gist of it. (I wasn't really paying attention to the comics on the blackboard when I played through the first time).

And the last important piece of canon evidence I have: Makoto's execution. As we all know, Junko and Kyoko both admit that the execution Makoto got was actually meant for Kyoko. Junko was trying to get her killed before she learned the truth. That trial was supposed to kill her, but Makoto jumped in and took the bullet for her. So the execution that Makoto got was really aimed at Kyoko Kirigiri, who is Jin Kirigiri's daughter. The execution is entitled 'After School Lesson' and shows a blackboard depicting sperm going into an egg and other sexual shit.

So, based on all this evidence, I came up with a solid theory for why Junko got obsessed with despair.

First of all, she had something going on with Jin Kirigiri. Either she hit on him, or he hit on her, or they actually slept together, or maybe there was even a pregnancy scare. Depending on how you want to look at Jin, you could say this was one-sided from Junko's end or even that Jin initiated it first. I think Jin is a scoundrel, so I'm going with the idea that Junko approached him first but he definitely reciprocated. That's where 'After School Lesson' comes from. The execution made by Junko specifically for Jin's daughter. It's also part of where Junko gets her revenge-fixation on him. Jin's execution is even him fucking around with a rocket until it explodes, which could be a pretty big innuendo.

Then, the Student Council murders happened. Junko wasn't involved and didn't witness it, which is canon. But, maybe she could have walked by at the very end, and seen Izuru surrounded by corpses and covered in blood. She thought he was going to kill her and she felt her first jolt of real despair. That's all speculation, but I still like the idea of it. It needs to start and end with Izuru, having Hope's Peak be brought down by their own pride and hubris, not by some random chick who's obsessed with a nebulous concept for no reason.

Anyway, Junko didn't witness or start the student council murders. Whether you take my idea that she saw Izuru or not, it doesn't matter. The murders happened and Hope's Peak immediately tried to cover them up, which is canon. They didn't want the KP coming to light, and they didn't want their glorious creation to fail, or to be seen as their failure in the media.

So, they needed a scapegoat. They needed someone to take the blame. Maybe someone who Jin Kirigiri was tired of, needed to get rid of, needed to discredit and keep quiet because he had an inappropriate relationship with her. Or at the very least, she was insisting that. (And if you bring the pregnancy scare into play, it looks darker...) So Hope's Peak, at Jin Kirigiri's discretion, blamed Junko for the student council murders. Or at least for the disappearances of those students, if Hope's Peak wouldn't fess up to the full-on massacre. That's why Monokuma says "I'm being blamed again?" in the student council room. They expelled her and ended her entire career. She had no future and she lost everything, plus was facing some serious legal consequences for murders she didn't commit. That would make her feel despair. And it would make her hate Hope's Peak, and hate the hope that it supposedly stood for, and believe that despair always came along with hope.

She would've felt particularly vengeful towards Jin, seeing it as his fault, and a betrayal between their relationship. She would've hated his daughter for that. Maybe she even thought Kyoko and Makoto knew something about her and Jin, or about the KP, or just the fact that she didn't kill the student council, and those two never spoke up about it. They never defended her. No one in her class did. Which she would also see as a betrayal.

So in order to get revenge, bring down Hope's Peak, and save her career, she spilled the beans about the Kamukura Project and the Student Council Murders and started the Tragedy. I like to think that she knew about Izuru and the Kamukura Project (which was strictly and fiercely kept secret from all students, sorry Yasuke Matsuda fans) because she saw him when he killed the student council. But if she got framed for the murders, it's entirely possible that she could also have found that stuff out from the people who framed her. She knew she didn't kill the student council and something was going on. Maybe she even had Kyoko look into it for her, and Kyoko found out everything but wouldn't defend her for fear of bringing down Hope's Peak/her father. Who knows?

Anyway, that's my theory, based on the small stuff that I picked up from the game. It was a joke at first, but as time went on, it seemed more and more plausible. I prefer to think of Junko with this backstory, instead of the horrible nothing backstory that the game gives her. This one makes her a better character with a lot more depth. Even if it's not canon, I'm keeping my theory. But I think it's not impossible either. I base it all off of canon facts and hints.

[melmoths]

james and thomas can build a happy life together post-canon.

i'll go out on a limb and say that it's the only plausible scenario for them - and not simply because i feel like they deserve it, but because i feel like their narrative arcs lead to that conclusion no matter what. 

of course the road to recovery would be long and hard, considering how deeply traumatised they both are, but once you accept that james mcgraw and james flint are not two separate people, that both james and thomas knew this, and that thomas is not a static character, no other future makes sense for them - whether they choose to retire and live a cosy domestic life or to dedicate themselves to another cause bigger than them both.

first things first: when silver claims that the man who reached savannah was not james flint, but james mcgraw he's lying. it's a lie! and not in the sense that it's something that he knows "deep down" even if he wishes things were different: it's a plain, old-fashioned lie, and he doesn't believe in it, not even for a second! he stands in front of madi, after having destroyed everything she's ever worked for and condemned her people (and many others) to centuries of oppression, and he lies.

'cause if he truly thought james was out of control and blinded by his rage over losing thomas, if he truly thought that getting thomas back would "kill" flint and his desire for revenge, if he truly thought thomas' death was the only reason he was fighting england, why bring james to savannah in the first place? why sell him into slavery? silver could have simply freed thomas (a man that he knew was innocent, by the way!) and let the two of them start a new life together wherever they wished - but he didn't, because he knew that james was truly fighting for the cause at that point, that he would have finished what he'd started because it was the right thing to do (and that thomas would have probably joined his efforts). killing him would have turned him into a martyr for the cause, so he had to remove him from the action entirely and spread the rumour he'd retired, and the fact that he chose for james the prison thomas was already in doesn't make it any better (eat my whole entire arsehole if you think otherwise).

i also want to stress the fact that not even james thinks james mcgraw and james flint are two different people. sure, james talks a lot about creating a persona that he later wants to get rid of, but he never truly believes he can separate himself from his own actions; that's why carrying their burden becomes harder and harder as time goes on. and on top of that, an element of performance is always present in the way he thinks about himself: he's a closeted gay man in XVIII century england! he's forced to live in a state where he has to lie constantly if he doesn't want to experience systemic violence. 

but he's always fully aware of who and what he is (despite being ashamed of it, at least before meeting thomas). he knows he's got a tender, gentle side and a much more violent, flawed one: he knows he possesses the potential for great violence - maybe he's not aware of how far he can go, but he knows he's capable of causing great harm, although it doesn't necessarily bring him joy (in fact he tends to opt for violent solutions only when he feels trapped, but changes his mind when shown another way that might lead to his desired outcome). james flint is his persona in the sense that he's a version of james mcgraw in which his "good" side isn't allowed to exist - a hyperviolent façade that doesn't fully match his true self, and a façade he has to keep up almost everyday until he's done what he needs to do (i know people like to call him "unhinged" a lot, but if you exclude his mental breakdown after miranda's death he's always in control of his actions).

and again, i think thomas and miranda were aware of james' violent side. miranda might have seen it first-hand, but i do think thomas knew about it as well. their connection is so deep ("my truest love," hello?) and they seem to know each other so fully that i don't think a relationship between them could have worked otherwise. maybe thomas heard of the fight that broke out between james and the officer that insulted him and miranda, and that got him thinking; maybe he worked it out otherwise (although i do believe they eventually talked about the fight, and about hennessey's weirdly protective attitude); but the fact that he's the one to come up with the pardons, unbeknownst to james, is pretty telling. it shows that despite his privilege thomas is instinctually more capable of understanding why disenfranchised people might turn to violence (i.e. piracy). and if he's ready to forgive all the pirates, all the violent men, why would he not extend the same courtesy to the one he loves? 

when he wrote "know no shame" he wasn't simply telling james not to be ashamed of being gay; he was telling him not to be ashamed of any part of himself, including the one that's more prone to violence, because at that point i don't think james truly believed himself worthy of being loved in his entirety, and thomas felt he had to fix that. and he succeeded - not immediately, of course, but by the time he'd come back from nassau james had fully internalised his message, based on the way he talks about his relationship with thomas to miranda and his wish to get away from london with the both of them (and ten years later, when james and miranda fight, he tells her that he does not feel ashamed of having loved thomas, but only of his inaction once thomas had been locked up in bedlam).

for this reason i don't believe that thomas would be "disgusted" by james' actions when they eventually reunite in savannah. i'm not saying he would enthusiastically condone all of them - he wouldn't go "hey, darling, good job on snapping your quartermaster's neck!", for example - but he would understand the motive behind them. he would understand why james - james who believed him dead, james who'd been stripped off the career he'd worked so hard for, james who had truly lost everything - felt like he had no other choice and put himself through so much pain. when james arrives in savannah i don't think thomas believes in reconciliation with england anymore.

i've noticed a weird tendency in this fandom to idealise thomas, to deny his growth in order to present him as flawless, as exclusively kind and "good" and stuck in time (often in opposition to post-london james). i hate it! 

first of all, i feel like this angelic persona does not fit his characterisation at all. he is a good man, but when his father says he's impertinent and self-righteous, or when miranda talks about how he'd basically make people wish they were dead during his salons, i don't get the impression that thomas is a tall giant who simply smiles at everyone and can do no harm. he's an extremely opinionated man that wants to do the right thing even if that makes him unbearable to the people in his proximity because, as james says, he truly believes in what he's saying and, just like james, he's shown to change his mind when presented with new facts; he's open to new ideas, and that's why he comes up with the pardons. 

second of all, we're talking about a man who's been betrayed by those closest to him, who's been imprisoned, tortured and dehumanised to the point that no one questioned his apparent suicide, who's been enslaved for ten years and subjected to yet more and more horrors. why would he not be a changed man, in the same way james is? why would his own ten years of hell not have stripped him of any trace of naivety he had left (the naivety inherent to his privilege and that had led him to believe that gradual change was the best solution), in the same way james was stripped of his after learning of peter's betrayal and seeing miranda killed in front of his eyes? just because this change happens offscreen for thomas it doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all. 

if anything, i would say that the conceptual passage from gradualism to revolution might have happened sooner for thomas than for james. let's also remember that when silver asks james if he'd trade the war to have thomas back again, james says thomas wouldn't want him to. he believes him dead, but he knew him well enough to be certain that if he were alive he'd agree with him that no compromise can be made with a colonial empire.

i'm also convinced that thomas always knew (or at least very strongly suspected) james was captain flint. he was imprisoned and isolated from the rest of the world, sure, but plantations didn't exist in a bubble where no news about the outside world could reach them (and the show makes it clear so many times). thomas is an extremely intelligent man. i doubt he would have had a hard time connecting the murder of his father, the rise of captain flint, the events of charlestown, the existence of an army of people still willing to follow a pirate captain in battle despite the pardons and tom morgan coming to look for him in savannah (although i suppose he thought james had found out he was alive and was going to get him out). when james shows up looking very much like a pirate, thomas is clearly happy beyond belief - but he doesn't strike me as someone who had no idea james might come to him someday.

that's why i think that any scenario in which james and thomas drift apart is not only completely unjustified, but extremely cruel and partly motivated by a desire to justify silver despite all evidence of him being a massive piece of shit. and justifying silver is justifying the english empire and all the atrocities it has inflicted - and i can't stand for that. in truth, i can't stand for any scenario in which two people who loved each other so dearly and were so harshly punished for it and for wanting to better society, even if just a little bit, don't get some measure of peace and happiness in which to heal together.

on a side-note, all the people who claim thomas was exactly like woodes rogers and that james' war was not really revolutionary because he was only waging it for selfish reasons fail to understand that:

1) thomas was trying to challenge the status quo and to defend a group of disenfranchised people in an age where criminals were seen as less than human and death sentences were extremely common, while woodes rogers was trying to preserve the status quo and to get rich in the process without giving much of a shit about pirates at all; 

2) every revolution or civil rights movement is at least partly motivated by selfish reasons: people don't want their loved ones and future generations to go through what they've gone through, and often seek some form of retribution in the process. and frankly, i don't care how "selfish" someone's motivations are as long as their actions lead to a more equal world and to better conditions for the people who inhabit it - and i'd rather fight alongside those who try to challenge hegemonic powers, whatever reasons they might have to do so, than be a passive observer of all the horrors that happen around me as long as they don't affect me directly.

anyway, love is real, james and thomas burn that plantation to the ground and silver sucks me good and hard through my jorts 

[autumnblogs]

Day 44: Preoccupied about the same things as Trolls, revisited

Welcome back y’all! Before we get into this, I want to talk about the Condesce/Meenah as a parallel character to Mom Lalonde/Roxy. You can read a bit about @mmmmalo​‘s takes on Openbound, and why they think that Meenah is symbolically Roxy’s Doppelganger here.

I want to call attention to some specific similarities between them, and while I think it’s a bit of a stretch, Homestuck draws parallels between characters all the time.

Both the Condesce and Mom Lalonde are matriarch figures estranged from their potential offspring by dire circumstances and servitude to a patriarchal authority and his time-spanning plan - for the Condesce, that’s English obviously, but for Mom Lalonde, that’s Grandpa Harley - servitude to his design renders her a wreck of an alcoholic forced to endure the end of days with no means to stop them from happening, living with a daughter who wants nothing to do her.

Both Meenah and Roxy are rebels against a repressive order, inclined to shirk their assigned Role in service to someone else’s master plan, but ultimately, through some roundabout means or another, give service to it anyway (for Meenah, scratching the game, and ultimately ending up English’s glorified slave for eons in the end; for Roxy, at first refusing to play Sburb in hopes of spiting the Batterwitch, but ultimately ending up playing into her schemes anyway).

They are both rebellious spirits who are repeatedly forced to participate in Paradox Space’s Alpha Timeline all but against their will by hegemonic forces, slaves to a system that they exist in perpetual rebellion against, and by the end of the comic, they both get to help strike a decisive blow against the ultimate foe. Unfortunately, unlike Roxy, Meenah is ultimately the kind of person who chooses at practically every occasion to continue cycles of abuse instead of breaking them. There is ultimately no possibility of reconciliation between these estranged sisters.

So, I see a lot of the Alpha Kids in the four Alpha Trolls who appear in this flash. As the Faux Heroic Himbo, the parallel between Rufioh and Jake is obvious. I don’t think that it’s fair to characterize Jake’s relationship with Dirk as being “cheating on Jane,” though that’s probably how Jane feels about the whole situation; I’ve always gotten the impression she feels entitled to him.

More after the break.

The imagery here is an obvious parallel between Jake and Dirk’s big damn kiss, and Rufioh and Horuss’s - but between Rufioh’s bravado and general obliviousness, and Horuss’s clear triangular parallel with Dirk and Equius, we should expect that the situation is switched here - Dirk = Horuss, Rufioh = Jake.

While it could easily just be a bit of extraneous characterization, I’m inclined to regard Rufioh’s characterization of the women in his life as “Dolls” especially because of his symbolic proximity to Lord English. (He is at best one degree of separation from him, as Jake English’s Alpha Troll Doppelganger) - and the fact that Puppets and Dolls are pretty much synonymous with each other in terms of the way that English interacts with them.

More extremely obvious parallels.

Both of the Zahhaks have hangups about dating down the Hemospectrum, and as long as we’re examining Dirk through the lens of the Zahhaks, allow me to speculate; I think that part of the reason Dirk chooses not to directly identify with the label of gay is less aloofly progressive futurism, and more that he is uncomfortable with his own sexuality.

As a guy who repeatedly appeals to reactionary ideals and rhetorical devices like “Western Civilization,” “Reason,” “Logic,” maybe there is a degree to which we can read Horuss and Equius’ self-repression through the haemospectrum into Dirk suffering from internalized Homophobia.

This is a real long shot, but I’ve always gotten the impression that Dirk is a bit of a bottom. Maybe his desire in building up Jake into a powerful counterpart, like English’s desire to transform Jake into a powerful rival, is built out of a desire to be Oedipally usurped by a former pupil - to have his Eromenos turn the tables, and become the Erastes in turn, in power-dynamic terms.

In Classical Civilization, homosexual relations weren’t unheard of, and were pretty reasonably common, but it was seen as shameful to bottom, especially for someone of a lower social standing than you were (Julius Caesar was mocked as the Queen of Bithynia when it was rumored that he bottomed for Nicomedes IV, which was a serious attack on his political career).

Wild speculative tangent over.

Now this is interesting; Meenah is unwittingly drawing a parralel between Damara and Vriska. The main commonality between them is that, like Vriska (and also like Rose, and also like Jane - who is the fourth and final character in this particular set) her spite and resentment is used as the vector for English’s manipulation of their setting.

Like Vriska, Damara deliberately sabotages the ability of her session members to win, helping to create a powerful foe who forces a session to be scratched.

Like Rose, Damara descends into nihilistic substance abuse to cope with feelings of emptiness.

Like Jane, Damara’s actual feelings of emptiness come about as a result of feelings of rejection in relation to betrayal from within her close friendship circle.

Ironically, while Damara’s reaction is far worse than Jane’s, her anger is actually probably far more understandable - Jane is not entitled to Jake.

The situation between Horuss and Rufioh is also similar to what will resolve between Jake and Dirk shortly - they are just basically incompatible, or at least they will be until both parties do some work on themselves, but a combination of an oblivious party who can’t stop talking about himself, and social timidity on the part of the other prevents the situation from resolving amicably.

“As Long As I Know That I Am Free”

Sometimes, encountering our ancestors doesn’t have to be a source of tension, anxiety, expectation, and fear. Porrim models parental love for Kanaya in a way that, unusually for ancestors in Homestuck, is purely beneficial for her younger counterpart.

It’s okay to identify with roles and identities that have been corrupted or hegemonized by our culture. There’s nothing intrinsically bad about being a man, or about being a woman, as long as our embodiment of those roles is emancipatory to us.

Kanaya can still be a Mom, if that’s what she wants to be. Violence and money aren’t the only form that power can take.

Sometimes, learning the right lessons is just a matter of pausing for a second and being critical of all narratives; deciding for ourselves what we want to be. It’s the lesson that Porrim has to teach Kanaya.

This is just objectively true.

Aranea positions Rufioh as both a foil to Cronus, and to herself, further strengthening the Jake as Rufioh parallels.

What I think is really interesting about all this, is if we want to read the other three trolls as Jake, Dirk, and Jane, that makes Meenah the Roxy of this group! And while Roxy has never been vicious or deliberately cruel, there’s a certain resonance between her persistent hassling of Jane, her meddling in the Jake English Sweepstakes, and the disaster that it provokes, and Meenah’s bullying - I even early on in my first readthrough took a disliking to Roxy because of what I viewed as exactly that - bullying her counterparts, assertively trying to get them to behave the way she wanted.

https://homestuck.com/story/5401

Oh man, where to even begin with Karkat riding off into the Penis Sunset. Like, the Sun in relation to Dave is persistently an icon of Bro’s surveillance of him, and then there’s his burgeoning affection for Karkat (he mentions story time with Karkat in the third Openbound suggesting that he actually took Karkat up on his offer to read through trashy Troll Romance).

Like, there’s probably something in Dave’s troubled psyche that’s on display here but damn if I know what it is. Maybe he’s ruminating on the fact that Bro would probably not be too accepting of his relationship with Karkat, hence the juxtaposition of the symbol of Bro’s hostility with the imagery of Karkat riding a dick?

https://homestuck.com/story/5404

I don’t really need to explicate much on what Rose is trying to say, I think but just in case, here’s a little rundown of what she’s trying to explain.

The apple is a symbol of an irreducible idea. Many ideas are reducible - as molecules are reducible to atoms, and atoms are reducible to quarks and stuff, so are ideas reducible to increasingly more abstracted and basic units.

The closer to notionally irreducible a thing becomes, the more difficult it becomes to express an idea, until at last, that which is truly irreducible resolves, and reveals to us the true, intrinsic nature of reality. For every complex idea, we can refer to more fundamental ideas, until at last, we arrive at an idea, which when probed, responds back simply, “It just does that.”

This, I think, is that to which we ought to give the name of God; that force so fundamental that it truly does just do that.

In the world of Homestuck, Symbols, and with them, Rituals - stories! Are manifestations of the primeval and irreducible ideas. Everything else is a universe in orbit around the Divine - the Aspects themselves, perhaps, or something more fundamental than the Aspects even.

What makes reducing these stories to the irreducible principles that they allude to so difficult is that you’re effectively trying to explain the electromagnetic force by comparing it to rubber bands, when in fact, the electromagnetic force is what makes the rubber bands behave that way in the first place.

As a Ritual, Rose’s drinking is pretty similar to John’s Dad roleplaying - an attempt at unity with Her Mom. Another empty signifier.

https://homestuck.com/story/5405

Dave is already really embracing his new role as the actually most sincere and straightforward member of the party. Lovin’ it.

It’s kind of nice that Aradia and Vriska are getting along now. That’s gratifying for personal reasons.

Ah yeah, I forgot that was ever addressed officially.

https://homestuck.com/story/5435

The man

HASS the ring.

https://homestuck.com/story/5440

And with the depressingly empty Void session established via a single flash, we shall conclude for the evening.

Tomorrow, we’ll get to know our little villain.

For now, it’s Cam signing off, Alive, and a little Annoyed that I wasted a couple hours playing the Outriders Demo this afternoon. Seriously, what an aesthetically bleak and kind of mediocre-looking class-based cover shooter.

[thessaliah]

A Coming of Age for mage children

It strikes me how common are Kadoc's and Ophelia's struggles for teenagers and young adults, and how these issues are augmented into toxic levels thanks to mage lifestyle and culture.

Kadoc's rampant lack of self-worth, insecurity, and inferiority complex isn't uncommon among teens.  Especially teens surrounded by a group of prodigies and other special beings. But because he's a mage and that background makes a direct connection between accomplishment and the reason he continues breathing, then it makes it imperative for him to prove himself. This stuff got even worse after he died. He felt his entire reason to live right now is to do his role as Crypter well. That lostbelt is a microcosm of his demons. A world where only the strong can survive, to the point one has to give up their kind heart, music, and anything that is considered "vulnerability."  

Ophelia's issues are not uncommon either. How many youths are suffocated by the expectations of their parents and family? How many are shaped from childhood to follow them in hopes they can achieve what they failed? How many are pushed to follow careers not because of what they want but because their parents do? How many are scared of failure because it'll disappoint their loved ones? Ophelia has a further complication, she's a mage with a mystic eye that allows her to choose to deny some possibilities. For someone who was raised with her life schedule by others who "know better" then her eye is absolutely terrifying. If she were to use it and choose wrongly, what would be the consequences? So she locks herself up and tries to follow someone who would know better than she does because she has no confidence in her decisions, she's scared of her own feelings and desires, so that way she isn't scared to fail. Responsibility is frightening, failure is suffocating. So there comes her ideal paradise. A kind mother goddess who runs a land of eternal children who would never know what is to take hard choices, a world without Sunday (the day she was free to do what she liked), an ideal setting even if turning a blind eye to the downsides.

The rest of the Crypters don't have a coming of age story arc as these two, but there are still some thematic connections between the lostbelt and them. In my opinion, Chaldea isn't longer a protagonist force in the storyline of LB1 and LB2 but actually devices to help Kadoc and Ophelia to mature. The other element is, as a staple for Type-Moon, the Servant. And of course, romance.

It was in Kadoc showing his kindness he wanted to get rid of to Anastasia why he didn't become a yaga in human skin. It was Anastasia who validated him without the toxic attempts of dehumanization, she told him he was worth as he was, because he's a sweet person, not because he's mighty. Chaldea (and Kirschtaria) sparing him also proved to him he didn't need to be a successful Crypter to continue living. Although his arc isn't done yet, it's taking a few steps forward. That world of yaga, his validation for brutal survival, was already denied.

Ophelia, the one who followed everyone's expectation, still refused Napoleon.  She was finally able to express the love she had denied and cover-up for Kirschtaria and finally came out of her shell to be Mash's friend. She took a decision helped by Napoleon and Chaldea, to face her greatest fear: that decision in itself. Sunday (Surtr). The embodiment of her family expectations in her eye. She got rid of it. Her outcome was tragic (there's a lot to say about names and foreshadowing), but she was satisfied she could do this for herself. The world of children who can’t choose their future was also denied. 

Kirschtaria Wodime is also present in their coming of age, not just the Servant and Chaldea. He's the light that casts a heavy shadow of Kadoc because, deep down, that's his real measuring stick and the bright lighthouse that blinds Ophelia who feels also she couldn't burden him with her love. This augments their issues, making Kadoc's insecurity worsen and Ophelia to rely on his guidance and hide her feelings because she’s ashamed of them (and only through Bryn and Sigurd she realizes love makes people strong). It's tied with another of Nasu's favorite themes: break your mask. Spoilers for Olympus (although LB2 has foreshadowed it).

Kadoc's trust. Ophelia's laughter.

Kirschtaria Wodime was able to obtain these in the simulations he endured to save them. Kadoc was still a bit insecure but he gained confidence and became his close friend. He started to love himself. He trusted Wodime rather than believe he would order his death so callously after his failure.  Ophelia was exasperated at his true self (remind me a bit to Bazett and Cu in Fate/Hollow Ataraxia) but she was happy to make decisions on her own and lecture his flights of fancies. Also, her serious persona apparently found happiness and became more carefree. He shared laughter with her.

But Wodime has hidden behind his act of the ideal king of Crypters. He's hiding because they don't remember these experiences they shared, and he wants to avoid to burden them even if this breaks his heart. It’s not that different from what Arturia did, to conceal her human heart and presented an ideal to others for what she perceived the greater good. Yet that ideal leads to misunderstandings, betrayals, and disconnection. 

[mbti-notes]

Are you familiar with Little Women? Is Beth INFP or ISFJ? I don't really see enough Ne or Fe. I'm wondering how to determine the aux when her life/dev was cut short. Is Amy ESFP or ENFJ? You've said that using the tert is more likely to lead to problems, but how to differentiate an impulsive kid or unhealthy Se? I don't know what Laurie is and I'd love to hear any thoughts of yours. Thanks

I haven’t read the book. I’ve watched the 1994 and 2019 film adaptations and read some literary commentary. I don’t know whether I’ve captured the true spirit of the characters in my mind yet. 

The story is a period piece at this point, which means that context is very important for getting into the minds of the characters. That is, we should avoid projecting our current understanding about personality expression onto past eras. Theirs was a time when people, especially women, were not afforded the freedom that we have today to be oneself and pursue one’s own happiness. They were also quite limited in their exposure to the wider world, thus, new and diverse learning opportunities were rare and to be cherished. Despite being in financial hardship and difficult political times, I believe that the girls had a good moral upbringing. The fact that the girls eventually learned the right things to focus on in life is a credit to their mother’s strong and steady influence. Given this backdrop, I think there will be more examples of healthy than unhealthy function use. The girls are well-adjusted people.

Yes, it is more difficult to assess children, as they do not express the functions in typical adult fashion. Adults have the benefit of many years of feedback about their function use and they are more consistent in their function expression, whereas children are in their experimental phase and often misfire in their attempts to use a function. That is, there is a lot of “noisy” data to sort through when observing kids.

Beth

I’ve often seen words like “shy”, “pious”, and “industrious” used to characterize her. I don’t think introvert is in doubt. Her manner is reserved, she prefers to keep to herself, and she is self-motivated. I don’t think F is in doubt. She cares very deeply and her judgments/decisions are largely informed by her feelings. 

Other than the expected imaginative play of all children, I don’t see any evidence of Ne, and she should be showing some significant signs at her age. Being P means being a prospector of information. She lacks the curious, exploring, and adventurous mindset of NPs. Shy and reserved INFPs still find ways to explore the world safely such that they feel brave in their own way (a great example that pops to mind is the character Amélie from the film of the same name). But Beth is perfectly content to close herself off from practically every opportunity to venture out into the world, and there were some very good opportunities presented to her that NPs typically wouldn’t be able to resist. She prefers that life is tightly structured around familiar people, routines, and comfort zones, where she is able to feel in control of her own realm. Of all the sisters, she seems to enjoy her routines the most, as she is most likely to perform her chores and duties without complaint or requiring admonishment. Dutiful, obedient, routine, and “industrious” behavior does not come naturally to INFPs (i.e. not without coercion of some kind), in fact, they tend to really struggle with it unless they are motivated by deep passion. Therefore, there’s compelling evidence that Si is the higher function.

One of the main arguments I’ve seen for INFP revolves around Beth’s strong moral beliefs. If every person with strong moral beliefs is Fi dom, the world would be overrun with them. Why is it that, of all the types, SFJs are known for being the best caregivers? Let’s not do them a disservice by downplaying the strong moral beliefs that FJs are also capable of. It’s more important to look at the source of the beliefs and how exactly they are expressed. 

To me, the word “pious” invokes Si more than Fi. A pious person is a rule-abider at heart, someone who deeply respects tradition and ritualistic expressions of it. A pious person also faithfully corrects un-pious behavior, as a form of self-improvement. Challenging oneself to be “proper” (Si) is somewhat different than feeling “good” (Fi). I would argue that Beth’s morality comes from her sense of what is proper and “expected” of people, as picked up in very literal terms from her mother’s pithy advice. Beth is acutely aware of how her suffering might impact others and tries her best to put people at ease. She also never needs to be told twice and she doesn’t struggle with moral decisions in the way that her sisters do. 

INFPs often feel conflicted when decision-making because they tend to be full-to-the-brim with conflicted feelings after having prospected too many Ne possibilities. Beth does not seem to suffer this common problem because she’s not just about following her feelings and she’s not as full of conflicted feelings as one would expect of INFPs (i.e. F is not dominant). She is naturally good at managing feelings and keeping them in check because her main approach to information is to structure it with rules and regulations. And purposely keeping her world very contained to the known and simple is a way of making doubly sure that the rules are never difficult to follow. Luckily for her, she lived during a time when it was still relatively easy to choose a small and simple life, away from the stressors of the world at large. She didn’t get to experience the weeds of developing Fe because she purposely kept life simple socially, and then she died before she was forced out into the real world. 

Amy

Aside from the impulsiveness one would expect of children, I’m not sure I see other significant signs of Se dom. Fortunately, we do get to see her grow up, and the mature Amy doesn’t resemble ESFP. 

One of the main differences that I look for between ESFPs and ENFJs is the degree to which they “think” about how to socialize and fit in. ENFJs approach socializing in a much more complicated way than ESFPs, for better and for worse. ENFJs are more “calculating” socially (for lack of a better word) because Fe relies on knowledge of social norms to achieve social acceptance. ESFPs tend to fit in more naturally by virtue of being themselves and showing off whatever obvious talents or good qualities they have. The more ESFPs “think” about how to socialize, the more they fumble socially, because they get further and further away from themselves (i.e. betrayal of Fi + poor use of Ni). The more carefully ENFJs think about how to socialize, the more they succeed at climbing the social ladder, because they are better able to abstract the essential rules for socializing well (i.e. good use of Fe + Ni). 

As a result of this main difference in “complexity” of socializing, ENFJs tend to think/talk a lot more about fitting in (how to do it and how to behave the right way), whereas ESFPs tend to reject abstract talk about “how to” and prefer to “just do it”, since complexity only leads them astray. Notice how Amy gives Jo and Laurie unsolicited advice about how to be “better”, i.e., more acceptable. ESFPs aren’t likely to interfere with people like that because they don’t possess complicated “social worries” to project onto others.

Amy often gets obsessed about particular things that she believes are necessary for “moving up in the world”, such as: physical appearance, material possessions, matters of etiquette, impressing the right people, learning the right crafts, developing the right skills, and so on and so on. Moving up in the world seems to be her main character motivation AND she’s a natural at it. ESFPs, with the strength and conviction of healthy Fi, tend to dislike/resent the idea of social hierarchy, so it pains them a lot more to feel forced into participating in categorizing people along those lines, and, in the end, they will feel that social rewards are meaningless if obtained through betraying Fi. ENFJs are much more willing to play the long social game, even when they are aware that it’s all an act, because Fe benefits much more greatly than Se from the rewards of social status. In the end, Amy makes the correct decision to prioritize her well-being over the superficial trappings of social status (Fe+Ni well-balanced).

Laurie

I’m not sure about him, either, because he’s a supporting character and we aren’t privy to all of his motivations. Being rich affords him a carefree life, so his personality development is rather slow due to not being challenged to grow. I think he’s introverted as he’s modest and unassuming, not one to actively seek out attention, esteem, or glory. I think he’s P as he doesn’t seem to require any structure and is content amusing himself with whatever he likes moment to moment. He seems to scrape by just fine no matter where he is or what he’s doing, and he doesn’t aspire to much more than drifting along. However, I think his lack of aspiration isn’t a natural part of his personality but more a result of him being bogged down by unresolved heartbreaks. He feels somewhat alone in the world (family issues). He dreams of being with Jo but she refuses him. He dreams of being a musician but feels torn about disrespecting his benefactor. He dreams of various careers but lacks the talent.

What’s his main motivation? I think he would love nothing more than to devote himself wholeheartedly to the people he loves. He’s basically willing to accept any sort of life as long as he gets to be with his loved ones. This deep romanticism indicates F, and if also P, then Fi dom. His long and deep devotion to the IDEAL of being with Jo might indicate Ne. Later, he longs for the past and his childhood relationships with Jo and the girls, which might be an indication of Fi-Si loop. He has mythologized Jo, their past together, and the future they could’ve had. It takes both Jo and Amy to make him face facts. A running theme in the book is how women are expected to be proper for men (so as to be a good influence and/or not lead them astray), and the sisters saving Laurie from himself is a good example of that.

Observe how he sizes up the girls and the ways in which he tries to care for and protect them. One thing that he seems to value a lot is “authenticity” and he tends to call them out for inauthentic behavior throughout the years. He had a hand in Amy re-evaluating her priorities. In return, Amy taught him that "authenticity” is a privilege (as women didn’t have the freedom to be authentic) and he came to admire her ambition and tenacity. He seems to think that he’s good at sizing people up, but she’s on a different level. I think that he was impressed by her blunt assessment of his lifestyle, probably because he had never encountered that sort of tough love (aka honesty) before. It seems that he needed someone to be tough with him, which is common for INFPs. Jo was always the star of the show, too self-involved to encourage his growth. Amy opened up his mind, which he seemed to sorely need for moving forward (perhaps Ne resolution).

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Reservoir Dogs (Tarantino, 1992)

This review contains spoilers.

For the past few years, I didn’t spend a lot of time rewatching movies. Quite frankly, the thrill of discovering something new (and the risk that it might not be all that good) outweighed the pleasures of the familiar ninety-nine times out of a hundred. Yet this year, perhaps because it’s been so miserable on the whole, I’ve spent a bit more time revisiting films I’d already seen. In some cases, it was to relive the joy of seeing something I already liked or loved. But in other cases, perhaps because I’d been easier to please on average, I would go back to things I’d felt somewhat at a distance to in the hopes that I would finally be won over. Full Metal Jacket finally clicked with me (seeing it in a different aspect ratio did the trick) and I’ve warmed up to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as much as I probably ever will. With that in mind, and prompted by a bizarre dream in which I watched it on Netflix in the wee hours of the morning, I ended up waking up stupid early and giving Reservoir Dogs another viewing. (The dream wasn’t terribly interesting, although it did involve me watching the new Scream, which had magically already been completed and was available on Netflix. There was a lot of yellowish, Fincher-esque lighting and Alison Brie got thrown over a railing at one point. As someone who enjoyed the fourth, I was upset by that turn of events, but dreams can be upsetting. In the words of the Shogun Assassin in Shogun Assassin, “bad dreams are only dreams.”)

I don’t think my opinion changed all that much with this viewing. I still feel that it’s one of Tarantino’s weaker films, lacking the confidence and depth of his next few films. I think Tarantino’s career is generally discussed as being split into his earlier, more story-oriented or reality-grounded films and his later, more indulgent genre pastiches, but I think this one lacks the focus that kind of discourse implies. The characters are barely fleshed out and the directorial touches aren’t as purposeful or effective as they would become in his later work. But at the same time, it’s still a stylish and highly entertaining affair, with a great cast giving some very good performances and delivering some punchy, very funny dialogue. It’s pleasures and limitations are obvious and have been better discussed by those more eloquent than me, so I don’t know how deeply I’ll delve into them. (On a side note, I felt a strange pang of nostalgia revisiting this despite it never having been a favourite of mine. It was very big among the internet crowd I first started discussing film with as I first got into the subject, so it’s hard for me to separate those feelings from the actual movie. I got the same feeling watching Boogie Nights a few weeks ago, despite never having seen that film until now.)

But what I did chew over a bit more this time around is how the movie positions the characters’ morality. We know that Tim Roth’s Mr. Orange is the “good guy”, the undercover cop who kills the psychopathic Mr. Blonde played by Michael Madsen. But at the same time he betrays the trust of Harvey Keitel’s Mr. White. Mr. White is sort of a “good guy” too, but foolishly risks his own fate and those of his associates as he bonds with someone who sets him up. Mr. Blonde is a sadistic psychopath but also extremely loyal, having refused to rat out his friends while serving a tough prison term. Steve Buscemi’s Mr. Pink is entirely business-minded and self-interested, but is that really any less honourable than the intentions of those around him? Chris Penn’s Nice Guy Eddie loves his father, Lawrence Tierney’s Joe Cabot, who is the closest thing to a paternal, authoritative presence in the movie, but both are also extremely ruthless, not to mention racist. Tarantino’s relationship with race is complicated (he’s been criticized for his use of the n-word, particularly in a certain scene in Pulp Fiction, and while I do enjoy his performance in that movie, I’m not sure I can defend a certain line of dialogue), but here the characters’ rampant use of racial slurs seems like a clear indicator of their (lack of) character. (These characters also freely use homophobic slurs, but such language was unfortunately a mainstay of macho dialogue at the time and doesn’t seem as pointed a comment on their natures.) Even when Mr. Orange praises the connection he used to get in with the criminals, another character is quick to point out that the connection is ratting out his friends. There’s some moral relativism in my argument here, but the movie invites that line of thought. Reservoir Dogs is about a bunch of lowlife crooks and despite the extent to which we may identify with them, it never lets us forget that.

In that sense, it’s in clear contrast to some of its influences. Ringo Lam’s City on Fire features the same plot but emphasizes the value of brotherhood between the criminals, so that the betrayal there stings extra hard. Tarantino highlights the meaninglessness of such appeals to solidarity. (Bizarrely, Tarantino has denied having seen that other film despite the hard to ignore story similarities. He even dedicated the screenplay to Chow Yun Fat and pulls the image of a dual wielding gunman in sunglasses from that actor’s oeuvre and has made a brand of pulling from his influences, so I’m baffled why he’d deny this one instance.) Jean-Pierre Melville’s work features gangsters in tailoring adhering to strict codes and conducting themselves with honour in dire situations. Tarantino points out the futility of such codes. His next film handles these dynamics even more elegantly. In Pulp Fiction, John Travolta’s character is a villain in one segment and a hero in another, while Samuel L. Jackson’s character reflects on the dishonourable nature of their work and decides to walk away at the end.

Where I think Pulp Fiction succeeds in handling that theme is that it gives us a sense of Jackson and Travolta contemplating (or failing to do so, respectively) their choices and having something resembling actual worldviews (however limited, as in the case of the latter). The characters in Reservoir Dogs in contrast are drawn in shorthand from gangster cliches so that our identification with them is limited. Mr. Orange should be our audience vantage point, but Tarantino fumbles a key scene in which he relates a made-up story to ingratiate himself with the other criminals. It should be about how Mr. Orange wins their trust, which would help make later speculation on his loyalty more dramatically potent, but in choosing to actually depict the proceedings in the story onscreen, Tarantino makes it about the cuts and shot choices he energetically deploys. It’s not a badly directed scene on its own, but the wrong one for the movie. Yet in other scenes, like the opening in the diner, he’s able to elegantly paint character detail while letting us enjoy the surface pleasure of the dialogue. Mr. Pink refuses to tip as an extension of his business-minded nature. Mr. Blonde volunteers to shoot Mr. White, jokingly revealing his bloodthirst. Mr. White takes things too personally (”You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize”). Joe Cabot struggles to remember a name, implying that his criminal instincts are slipping. The movie shuffles its timeline in the vein of The Killing to draw out these contrasts between the characters and to build to a tense and memorable climax, yet had more of the individual character moments been as deftly handled as this first scene, the film might have landed with me more strongly. That being said, there’s a nonzero chance I’ll come back to this in a few years, hoping it will finally click.