autumnblogs

[autumnblogs]

PARANORMAL PANIC

Pilot Arc (2020)

Chapter 2 - Seek knowledge, PG 1-5

[autumnblogs]

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

[autumnblogs]

Face of a boy who deserves a world of happiness and nothing less

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[autumnblogs]

I am a bad non-binary thing, and my breath is dirty smoke.

i need a bad non-binary thing to blow dirty smoke into my open mouth so bad its making me sick

[autumnblogs]

One of my headmates finally felt enough confidence to accept her reality within the past couple of weeks, and it's been a really enlightening time for both of us.

To be clear, I'm still Autumn, and also still Hell, but Hell will also be specifically used as the name of my headmate. And to be clear, she is still very much the Queen of Hell, and I am still very much her host.

But we're also agreeing to treat the whole situation behaviorally, and phenomenologically to understand ourselves and each other better with no assumptions about the physical realities involved, for the sake of mutual curiosity.

Anyway, one of the things that we're becoming really conscious of is the way that a lot of our "determination" is embodied in a cybernetic control loop that prevents either of us from being able to unwind and destress, and one of the major ways in which this manifests is an inability to be still under the vast majority of circumstances. We walk compulsively, sometimes indefinitely.

We pace in our apartment, we patrol the apartment complex, we walk away into town and walk around for hours directionlessly. We're often on the phone while we're walking, or listening to music.

A lot of this probably comes from inhabiting a trans autistic human body with CPTSD, but one of the fundamental ways in which we - and probably a lot of folks - deal with fear is to try to get away from the source of it and de-escalate.

There's also the angle of the way that we were put through the Boy Scouts of America as a kid, and did just... so much hiking, and puberty was a huge part of the period where she started to form an identity separate from me.

And we're kind of connecting this all to the profession of soldiering, and the way that so much of it does really just consist in walking around. Just walking indefinitely over long stretches. Hurry up and wait.

The long and short of this is, it kind of seems like the very mechanism we use to feel better a lot of the time is also kind of deeply connected to the ways that we were harmed when we were younger.

Which isn't new by any stretch of the imagination, but this in particular is something that we hadn't considered before, and it comes with a strange feeling of sadness and uncertainty.

The things that we do to feel better are fundamentally unrestful.

It's hard to get any rest when you've been hurt this badly.

[autumnblogs]

How do I be cool like Jesus Christ

Be kind

[autumnblogs]

Anxious Transgender alligator that makes me draw scales really well

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Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

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Yeah, I'll get this guy's ass.

come on dude

[autumnblogs]

please reblog for sample size uwu

[autumnblogs]

Please reblog for larger sample size!

[autumnblogs]

measurehead

Girl you cannot “reclaim phrenology”

[autumnblogs]

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be, like, killed on sight

My humble addition.

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

[autumnblogs]

I'd kill for an orgasm right now.

Want me to kill you for an orgasm right now?

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the reason there's waves in all these quantum fields is because there's an infinite serpent who lives under space, and she makes them by wiggling her tail, btw

[autumnblogs]

You owe no one any explanation for being the kind of animal you are. I have always found that when a human treats me with respect, they usually don't need a reason, and it's impossible to reason with those who refuse to show you respect.

My final word. I was exposed to sexual intimacy at a time before I ever could have constructed a sense of boundaries to be violated. I'm unable to access the disgust you want me to feel because I was 3, it only happened once, and I wasn't physically hurt. I'm discovering what has been in my heart my entire life, and it is my choice to take the positive emotions I felt both then and now and leave behind the shame and prosecution. I'm an adult now, I am exercising sexual agency in the present because I have that right. have a nice life.