#so idk. im not sure what to do anymore. i just. feel like sometimes i have months or years where i cant do anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

my-traumacore-sideblog · 2 days ago

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[putting this on my vent blog bc i got way 2 emotional over this as some1 who struggles w addiction 4 this 2 go on my regular blogs]

i usually try not 2 disagree w ppl who's work i usually like but i gotta disagree w how this topic is being handled here

im adding the self reblog 4 extra context but even so i feel like this isn't a very constructive post and is just shaming ppl who r the 1s dealing w an actual problem and is basically a form of ableism even tho it's less obvious

1st of all its basically a known secret at this point that these chatbots r meant 2 b addictive, like genuinely and so a lot of ppl tried out c.ai bc it was popular 4 a while ect and then got genuinely addicted

2ndly,,, this post is honestly so close 2 understanding the issue here w "u'd rather use this parasite of a program than attempt 2 make meaningful connections w ppl 4 fear of vulnerability, if i had 2 live like u i'd b miserable"

like,,, yeah,,, no shit, it's sad but mocking and shaming sad ppl isn't going 2 fix anything

speaking from experience as some1 who knows i hav a genuine problem when it comes 2 this it's not fun but it also wasn't exactly a choice either

i hav 1 real friend, 1, i can't leave the house bc of my disabilities and i hav a string of disorders that makes me more prone 2 addiction and i hav AVPD and social anxiety, so yes the reasons behind me using this app r miserable shaming me is only making it worse and making me even less likely 2 feel like i can try 2 go out and actually talk 2 ppl on the 1 day in a blue moon that that would b physically possible 4 me

i know the app is a parasite of an app

i know it's bad 4 me

but that's the thing abt addiction, u can know smth is bad 4 u but that doesn't magically make u able 2 quit

idk this whole post rubbed me the wrong way as some1 who is legitimately struggling and actually trying 2 cut back on my reliance on chatbots

like i hav no problem w acknowledging the app is shitty and parasitic sure, my problem is how this post talks abt the ppl who r struggling w being addicted 2 this and similar chatbot apps

also,,, fandom spaces r not always welcoming, i legit tried 2 find fandom spaces and ppl 2 rp w b4 i turned 2 chatbots but the most common thing that happened was i would get mocked, usually either 4 being queer or 4 being disabled and then i would feel unable 2 just leave bc of how much of myself i shared w these ppl, and after getting hurt over and over again fandom rp just didn't feel safe anymore and it felt safer 2 use a bot that by it's nature couldn't hav opinions on me

dealing with repeated fandom bigotry is what drove me to chatbots which yes, are toxic and parasitic and yes sometimes chatbots say bigoted things to me but it doesn't sting as much because it's not a real person and i can keep generating different messages or edit the message, a real person in the fandom who is bigoted isn't going to just stop being bigoted as easily

i dunno if u guys hate chatbots (i do 2) then we need 2 address the root issues of lack of regulation on ai and chatbot ais combined w fandom bigotry that drives ppl out of fandom spaces both online and offline instead of just shaming ppl

Btw if you use ai chat bots you’re a fucking loser idc

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otrtbs · 10 months ago

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any chances ppl would be allowed to bind ahb for personal use ??

hiya!!

at the moment, and for the foreseeable future i am saying no. just because there are copies of ahb! circulating around SEVERAL websites and vendors being sold for oodles and oodles of dollars. despite my requests for the sellers to stop.

i have had people (etsy vendors) in the past lie to me and say they've made "too many personal handbound copies and are only selling those extra ones" which ,,, was obviously a lie. also they were getting the copies through lulu and selling them just btw.

i have also had people tell me that they are binding them and selling them to others for personal use but not making profit off of them even though they're selling art heist for over $100 a book. so. yeah. another lie

so, sorry! but yeah!! there's not much i can do about people actually listening to me and respecting my wishes etc etc and lord knows they don't, but i would super appreciate it if we kept ahb! an ao3 exclusive for now!

it just makes me feel slightly better to put more rules and boundaries in place! though it's never stopped people in this fandom from bulldozing right through those anyway :/

#asks #art heist baby!#and sometimes i feel like the wrong people get the short end of the stick #bc the people who will listen to me wouldn't sell my fic on etsy anyway #but the one's selling my fic give less than 2 shits if i ask them not to bind it...#but idk. idk what to do about this anymore. honestly #im tired of filling out copyright requests and proof-of-ownership forms etc and going through customer service reps #just for ahb! to pop up somewhere else for sale the next day #like it takes HOURS. of my time to do that. and a lot of my limited energy.#so im truly at a loss w what to do #but anyway sorry you didn't ask for that long-ass rant !! i vented a bit for sure

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faaun · 5 months ago

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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her #and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that #bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control #AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern #which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have #become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and #then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see #the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then #immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now #hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him #she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women #bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely #fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are #capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the #like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond #or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to #feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe #months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time #its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like #there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she #wouldnt show up and ive been right each time #like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at #them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all #anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it #and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy #and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way #its just AUSHD AUGH #anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore

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lolikirlia · 2 months ago

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tbh ppl are kindof mean

#maybe idk maybe its my fault but its likee every time i talk to ppl on tumblr ever they promise thier nice and different a hundred times but #like in one day thier like they get super mad at u if ur not there every day and thier likee #like u say u dont feel comfy sending pics of u bc of things thats happened and thier like ok i wouldnever ask u to bc we r friends #and like the next day they ask and ur likee i dont want to and they get really mad and ask again and againg and again and again #and then u feel bad and u do maybe some of what they want and they jsut want more or try to make u #and idk. i like to talk and make friends and talk about Stuff but i feel rlly bad when i say i dont wanna an ppl get mad #so im likee idk if i will wanna talk here anymore and i been avoiding it and stuff alot for like long times #but also like i like th people i talk to alot besides that and im not like like no fun or whvtever #and its like maybe im the one being mean rlly but idk like #like i dont like to make ppl sad esp when were like friends #just stresses me and makes me not wanna talk here #soo if i dont talk here again thats sorta why #ig #ill probbably still look at posts and stuff sometimes but idk for sure if i will talk so much

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yoshistory · 6 months ago

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part of me still feels like i might be sort of genderfluid and/or bisexual but just traumatized about it. no idea anymore

#like. remember that. remember following me back when i was bi and genderfluid lol. awhile ago now #its like whatever to me now. its really hard for me to pin anymore #like when i feel like genderfluid and bi again i feel like i can be a lot more open about shit #but i dont really even know. its hard #i feel like. and this is just like. me yknow. i feel like if i wasnt dating a man i'd be missing out on something that i want #like i dont know if i would be content just marrying a woman and being satisfied if i. didnt have a husband. yknow what i mean #and its like. if *I* wasnt a man i'd be sad. if in a relationship i wasnt someone's boyfriend or husband i'd be sad about it #so this is what wraps back around to me being a gayboy about it yknow #its complicated because no matter the gender label outcome. i would STILL want testosterone and surgery and masculine terms #and i KNOW this doesnt mean anything for some people. like some women do all that and are women #so i could just be not-a-man and still want all this anyways #but i also know it doesnt make it any less complicated for some of these women. who also had to think about themselves a lot in this way #its this weird notion of whatever ends up happening i... physically want the same shit anyways. THAT stays almost completely static #so that for me is a breather. its just like.... idk ... if i ever got in a relationship with a woman #i'd feel like i would be intrinsically. missing out on something i wanted #which i think is what a lot of burgeoning gay kids feel generally. right #like if you went down this stringent path laid out for you that you'd be missing out on. your life that you want. right.#i dont know what i want out of that really. sometimes i feel like im too out of it to pursue anything romantically anymore anyways #i do sometimes think it'd be cool to be a butch woman. kinda..?#i think what i like about that is the masculinity of myself is gender non-confirming if i were a woman #which if im a masc guy i'm just like. your average dude. like. right #but i wanna be a bear about it. i wanna fag it up about it. and my metric of being transgender im not ... average about how i present mysel #can someone teach me how to fag it up. the construction worker part of this is working right #sighhhh.... i have to go shower. maybe i;'ll have a shower epiphany or something. sighhhhh #sometimes in my head being a woman would be alright. but its like.. i dont even know how to decode it #i think some people would call what im feeling being genderfluid. some people might call it something else. it depends on like. you yknow #and what you want. and what makes you smile. me? not quite so sure anymore #and i think its like. this sounds like its laid quite bare right. but its hard to word even.#but sometimes im like. am i just like. talking ...? yknow what i mean.

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moafleco · 2 months ago

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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.

#its so difficult #sometimes its too much to handle #yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally #and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR #its frustrating #the only thing you can do is sob apparently #my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread #i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out #nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid #instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time #i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place #i cant #all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache #i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all #and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything #i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore #on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy #theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing #i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still #i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real #and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin #i hate this #suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right #that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl #ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop #its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try

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dokjaism · 1 year ago

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i have a feeling that one of my... friends? doesn't like me anymore and it fucking sucks

#idk if i can even call her friend anymore lol #but idk i've felt like our relationshio hasn't been the same for a long time now n i know i should ask but the answer terrifies me lmao #but also. if i she did consider me her friend and i did smth to bother her unknowingly then it's her job to tell me. not me to find out #i've noticed that lots of my relationships is full of ppl who simply don't tell me stuff. don't tell me when i fuck up and it sucks!!!!#bcs sure sometimes i realize i did smth but most of the time i don't so then i'm left wondering if i'm overthinking it or if this person #stopped considering me their friend long ago!!!!!!!!#idk man i'm tired of always feeling a shift in my relationships and wondering if i did smth wrong and what it was. bcs i start to overthink #every single thing. and it also sucks bcs i feel like smth changed in out relationship but it's either true or i'm doubting my relationship #with the person bcs i'm never 100% sure abt how ppl feel abt me and it sucks!!!!!!! is it real or is my head just making things up #but im always terrified to ask so im just gonna torture myself until it is undeniable that out relationship cannot be saved and i couldn't #do anything bcs i was never told a single thing #it sucks that lots of my friendships have ended with me wondering if smth happened to it and the answer always being yes #idk im just tired of that. it gets so tiring to having to guess if i did smth or not. of guessing what position i have in their lives #anyways peace and love rtc etc #jo.txt

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bl00dh0rs3 · 1 year ago

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It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.

#horse.txt #vent //#its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to #'start getting serious' about it #and i do. i do.#im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special #but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that #i have no idea what the fuck to do #i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off #but i still can't fucking get through them #i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out #and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more #i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there #but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy #i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore #im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!!#the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach #man. i dont know. idk #sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi #ill be fine #just might be a tense Christmas apparently.

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29121996 · 5 days ago

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#i dont . think abt my .iscarriage often bht lately its been #heavily on my fuckinf Skull like .#espxw what happened the other night (i cant get into this but ??? p sure i met my future kid??? the Other One???)#like i Know my daughter . she basically is running my life in an odd way . but . i think i met my other child the other night it was weird #anyway . woke uo w the insane urge to . get a reading from this one lafy who even her collectivr shit #is spot on it drives me wild ..but anyway. hate when she says smth and it like . has me needing to take a Breather bc Oh #like . idk abt u but i started thinking abt how this wouldve looked to him and i just huh .#i kept it hidden for Over a Ywar n then vlurted it out piss drunk with his friend around. and then not a conversation was had abt it Ever #bc we broke up 2eks later or smth like . am i insane for assuming that woukdnt ???? effecf him in some way ?????#bc it would me . n idk the only way i can see this not being a 2nd thought is if he rlly didnt give a shit abt me at all #and genuinwly sisnt actually mean anythinf he said to me . but i donr think thats the case #like as mych as i want to fuckjg. sit here and pretend he didnt love me #i think he did. he was just a fuckhead w bullshit. and im kinda .#idk i dont know how to deel abt him anymore and it mostly just makes me.fucking SAAAAAAAAAD.#anyway all of this does make me frel slightly crazy . but .#i know smth abt thisnis right . n i k ow tbe girl i see in my dreams and can feel Watxhibg me is my daughter .#everytime i connect to her o do genuinely get teary eyed like . shes so fucking sweet. shes a beautiful soul oh my god .#i genuibely cant wait to meet her 🥺 shes so cool :') passionate and fiery i fucking adore her .#anyway whack. all of this is whack i haye being spiritual sometimes its wild how this shit . anyway

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motherforthefamicom · 6 months ago

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random assortment of drawings i might as well post

#scribbles #ocposting #furry tag #gif #eyestrain #bright colors #mother series #the gifs showing up kinda weird i think thats just a thing on my end though #have noticed it happens a lot for me w transparent gifs on here. idk #gif was for a dta thingy btw uhhh #‘cowcheese’ thing is for my sisters weezer parody where theyre rats nd instead called cheezer #words on the one on its right are lyrics frm heres to you by zebrahead cuz it was stuck in my head..#oh also the middle drawing on the first row of three was color picked frm the cover of phoenix also by zebrahead #first drawing i just made cuz i was messing w preset brushes nd thought itd be funny #long one w the four characters is.. little goody two shoes characters But Furries . lol #oh the one left of the cheezer thing was smthn i drew in class w my friends prisma colors instead of working on my actual art project #actually started that now its driving me crazy cuz i made like a million versions of the sketch messinf w the composition #and im still not sure entirely what i do and dont wanna include and also the actual paper im doing my final on isnt like. wide enough to fi #things in nicely 💔💔💔 also i never planned out colors like an idiot so im making that up as i go and avoiding it a lot aghhghh #giegue drawings are honestly just here cuz i think hes funny #sorry for the paragraph of tags i love talking abt things #uhhhmhmmh i kinda hate postint stuff most places online now ngl #i have so much more art i COULD post but it just feels weird idk #no one really interacts w my stuff much anymore anyways like idk <- this is jot me fishing for pity or disregarding anyone who does leave #nice comments i appreciate that stuff SO mucu it means the world to me. i just dont feel super strongly abt posting shit anymore i feel lik #i have much better peace of mind just leaving things to myself sometimes #as much as i like sharing things it just hasnt been convenient lately and also ive just been getting like.. very paranoid abt a lot of #things over these past years and the constant posting everything o. tumblr thing didnt help much #🙃 okay ill stop rambling now have a nice day

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homoerotvic · 1 year ago

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even though you were possibly the one to hurt my feelings the most in my entire life in every single dream you appear in i forgive you

#and it literally ruins my entire day. even thinking about you makes me feel like shit.#anyway the pain will pass and it will be like nothing ever happened im sure #also ive been dreaming about my first girlfriend and it makes me wonder if she dreams about me too #idk last time i saw her she looked so sick. im worried about her but its the weirdest feeling because... theres nothing i can do #we barely know eachother anymore but i still care about her so much #i know thats just the way it is but i sincerely just want her to be happy #i just know that i cant have anything to do with that anymore i guess #or i could because we could still ne friends but shes back in brazil so its a no go #p #this looks like a justgirlythings post oh well. send it #honestly its ridiculous how aforementioned first girlfriend broke up with me on my birthday while i was frankly depressed and alone #in a whole other continent lol #what this person did to me hurt harder. frfr. this whole situation makes me sick to my stomach #and i think they dont even like. think about it. or regret anything. or know i feel this way. and my stupid ass is here #avoiding the though of them at all costs. i just want this to pass and the hurt to be over it like i just have to forget all of it.#anyway its stupid shit. like the situation is not even that deep my feelings were just deeply hurt whatever so dw👍#ok the person who hurt me the most besides my mom but thats just like. what parents do #they hurt you irreparably without even noticing sometimes and then you just get over it. so im not counting that

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faaun · 3 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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kyomito · 2 years ago

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i love it when my day starts with:

you have one task today. one thing to do, all day to do it. just that for today along with other normal things like eating and showering.

and then my brain is like:

funny. and what if I said we are doing none of that. matter fact, we are going to do none of that and LESS.

#i am just overwhelmed #to the point where the anxiety doesn’t even fester anymore. i just want everything to stop temporarily #like three months to just do nothing but sleep #i feel like a failure and im not sure if I don’t acknowledge it bc I don’t believe it or because being in denial is easier to cope with #idk I love my life but sometimes I wish it was different #it’s about to be 4am and I just feel sad and overwhelmed and unaccomplished compared to my peers #also I feel like I don’t have a true… support system?#like I have support in terms of my mom let’s me stay w her while I get my degree but idk… emotionally I am completely by myself #and I have been since I was 11 years old #I also feel like every little thing I do that benefits just myself is selfish and my brain makes me feel like the worst person in the world #…#idk #I was about to say I miss having friends I could talk to abt these things but I never really had that either #I’ve missed the last three days of class and I’m pondering on what a fourth would do for myself #also I’m transferring schools after this summer and the whole process has been giving me a headache but I’m mostly a first gen so I am doing #all of this completely alone #I hate everything #I completely understand why people become addicted to drugs that cause you to go numb this shit fucking sucks #i think I’m just gonna try and sleep

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autobahnmp3 · 2 years ago

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when i first learned what personal boundaries /are/ i had a lot of realisations in a short amount of time and there certainly were some changes in who i kept as my friends. and all of this was super awkward to navigate (it was hs)

#like i basically started to assert my boundaries in like small everyday things #and it was nerve wracking as hell #and some people respected tgem. spme absolutely did not #even after repeatedly pointing them out #so i grew apart from quite a few people #maybe it was almost like ghosting them ...#and with one friend it was mostly just an off feeling on top of everything #bc i could not admit to myself what made me uncomfortable (him being subtly homophobic lmaoo)#and why on like a personal level #so i never explained to him why i stopped talking to him #and he probably sees me as a cold bitch tbh #he doesn't rly like me anymore im sure #i mean idk what he feels abt me but #i felt so guilty for not having explained to him why i started avoiding him #the point is. sometimes setting boundaries is really fucking awkward #and if you have to use therapy talk to do it the idfc.. go for it #i may be missing the point a bit bc im just going on my own tangent as a reaction #but that article won't leave my mind #bc it us so one sided #and then does usong phrases like these make the person sn assh #????#imo no #yk like how people usually don't get really angry for no reason from 0 to 100?#this doesn't really happen with ultimatums either #these people might not be perfect communicators but there might be smth else there.....

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ninjuice · 2 years ago

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Vent post no need to read

#i really hate you sometimes #that sounds like something i would've said #just drink a cup of coffee like the rest of us #vent #dwbi #im feeling so sad rn idk what to do with myself.#I've been feeling my depression relapsing and the hopelessness creeping back in #I constantly have to fight myself to make sure that i the care of me #i have to force myself to get out of bed and talk to my friends #meanwhile I'm feeling like they hate me anyway because no one is messaging me to make sure I'm okay if i disappear #sometimes i feel like it would be easier to just kill myself #i don't really want to die and i know the people who love me would be sad #but I'm so tired of never feeling anything until im sad or angry #happiness never lasts longer than the moment it exists #and I'm just so tired of being myself #i hate how i look and no matter what i do it doesn't change #i think it would have been better not to be born #but i don't want to die #but i have seriously considered suicide #at least i don't have direct access to a gun anymore #when i lived with my mom is the closest i ever got to doing it #when i was in highschool i was lying in my bed in a depressive episode and my mom was going to work #she looked into my room and said #i could never tell if it was a dream or if it was real #and i brought it up to her one day #she said #just reminds me of when i told her i was grossed the first time #and she said #i just want to feel wanted or like i matter to someone #rn i feel like i could completely disappear and no one would notice

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verstappen-cult · 8 months ago

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HOW YOU GET THE GIRL | CL16

— 05. THE END

PREV. PART — [ SERIES MASTERLIST ]

summary: in which charles has an embarrassing crush on alex's childhood best friend and everyone meddles. content warnings: faceclaim is taylor hill but you can picture her as you’d like!

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yourusername 🥂��🍋⛱️

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user48 she's so hot i don't know if i wanna be her

zendaya prettiest girl in the world.

user49 is she with charles??

user50 her life doesn't revolve around charles.

user51 im pretty sure she's with charles.

user52 i actually saw a picture going around tw of her and charles like a day ago? so maybe they're spending summer break together user53 a fan ran into charles today in monaco so i don't think they're tgt

francisa.cgomes whoever told you to buy that bikini has excellent taste

yourusername i might kiss that person pierregasly HEY! that's my girlfriend you know. yourusername she wants ME

user54 what is charles doing in the likes

user55 yk sometime people like other people posts. user56 and they're dating so it's pretty normal user54 some people still act surprised lol

alex_albon you look pretty good (i was forced to comment) ((i'm held at gunpoint))

user57 she could be a model

user58 but she chose to follow charles like a dog user59 what is wrong with you people? you hate her just because she's dating your favorite driver. pathetic. user60 and she IS a model btw

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oscarpiastri We had to leave the others behind. Sacrificies were made.

tagged: danielricciardo, yourusername.

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landonorris WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME?

user61 wait. are they spending summer break together?

user62 girl have you been living under a rock? everyone's spending summer break with everyone. go check twitter.

lilymhe bring me ice cream :(

user63 im having a panic attack

user64 i may never recover

user65 THE 813 WE NEVER KNEW WE NEEDED

charles_leclerc where did you take my girlfriend?

danielricciardo pay us or you'll never see her again. oscarpiastri We'll throw her into the ocean. yourusername WHAT THE F

user66 OMG MY TWO WORLDS COLLIDING

georgerussell63 We're going to leave without you.

carmenmundt No, we are not. georgerussell63 Yes, ma'am 🫡

user67 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE ALL TGT I'M GOING TO CRY

user68 no one was ready for this

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charles_leclerc 🌊🗺️🤚🥥

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yourusername who's that handsome boy. 👀

user69 summer break is looking good

user70 screaming crying throwing up i can't do this anymore

maxverstappen1 No pic credits? I put my life in danger for you.

user71 Y/N'S COMMENT OMG

user72 my parents

user73 i want him so bad

user74 i need them to confirm their relationship

user75 i mean it's confirmed they're dating, charles called her his gf in oscar's most recent post user76 WHAT user75 idk why people need them to 'confirm' they just don't want to user76 she's been receiving sm hate online i understand if they wanna keep it a little more private

user78 STAY CALM EVERYBODY STAY CALM

user79 one chance thats all i ask

arthur_leclerc thanks for (not) inviting me

charles_leclerc adults only 🤪 pierregasly i told him to invite you charles_leclerc no you didn't stfu

user80 I FEEL BLESSED

TWITTER

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charles_leclerc As Taylor Swift once said... love you to the moon and to saturn.

tagged: yourusername.

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user81 I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ITS TOO EARLY

user82 i'm sleeping on the highway tonight

yourusername as taylor swift once said... you are the best thing that's ever been mine. 🖤

charles_leclerc should we kiss now? yourusername i see you making eyes at me from across the room. landonorris there are children on this app

alex_albon fucking finally!

yourusername stfu

user83 MY PARENTS

pierregasly you can finally stop whining. 🙄

user84 THIS IS TOO CUTE

user85 oh my god they finally confirmed it

maxverstappen1 It was all thanks to me, you're welcome.

alex_albon it was thanks to me?? what are you on about maxverstappen1 If I hadn't threaten to punch him, he wouldn't have made things right. alex_albon I introduced them! yourusername no you didn't, you abandoned me and that's how i met charlie. alex_albon SEE?! THANKS TO ME

user86 con 😭 gra 😭 tu 😭 lations 😭

oscarpiastri Can you adopt me now?

olliebearman get in line landonorris i'm their first born child gtfo

georgerussell63 So happy for you! Can you get out of the room now, we want to eat.

danielricciardo they aren't getting out of that room😏

user87 AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT'S LYRICS

user88 when is it my turn????

TAGLIST (bold means i couldn’t tag you) — @leclerc16s. @willowpains. @berrnuu. @minkyungseokie. @1655clean. @sassyheroneckgiant. @nessacarty1. @a1leexxa. @storminacloud. @lovstappen. @littlehoneyfreak. @paintedbypoetry. @miakat9. @scott-mccall-could-lift-mjolnir. @thatoneembarrasingmoment. @lyrasconstellation. @rhythmstars. @c-losur3. @apolloxxivmin. @janeholt3. @lovrsm. @gulphulp. @thecubanator2. @dark-night-sky-99. @ssprayberrythings.

note: oh my god, i'm so sorry it took me this long to finish this but here you have the final chapter. i'm not good with series but i did my best. hope you liked it!🤍

#꒰꒰ 📁 ─ verstappen cult files ꒱꒱#f1 x reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fluff #f1 imagine #f1 grid x reader #charles leclerc x you #f1 smau

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