#so idk. im just thinking out loud
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weighing the pros/cons of listing a job that i intend to quit after ~2 months on my resume because it would allow me to list incredibly difficult senior responsibilities that would elevate my resume from like a solid B to an A but idk how many employers just write you off if you have experience that short in your most recent job. anyway i hate you resumes i hate you indeed i hate you linkedin i hate you soulless HR reps i hate you rejection emails i hate you 5-step interview processes ending in ghosting
#quitting bc the workplace is straight up abusive and they are piling ~60 hours of tasks on me in my 40 hour work week#and allowing me only 2 hours of overtime per week to ‘maintain a healthy work-life balance’ i.e. to make me work unpaid weekends#but im moving soon and have some personal matters to attend to that would adequately explain the short duration to employers#i also dislike the idea that they could torture me for 2 months and then weaken my future prospects by forcing me to list a gap in work#so idk. im just thinking out loud
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becoming disabled has forced me to become really good at asking for help. i kind of hate it but at the same time, im grateful for it. it’s just really frustrating to need so much, especially little things.
can you cut these vegetables for me? my hands aren’t working right today. can you grab me a drink from the kitchen? it would hurt a lot to get up and walk over there. can you drive me to my appointment? my hips will ache for days if i have to drive for more than a few minutes.
so much need. so much gratitude. so much reluctance and shame and big big feelings about it all. i hate it, but i have to practice kindness and gentleness to myself by allowing others to do what i can’t or shouldn’t do.
#i wish i didnt have to do it so much but im getting better#this is really rambly idk how much sense it makes. just thinking out loud#0#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#disabled#disability
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i liked how this scene explicitly acknowledged how tiny randall really is
#like i've thought it and i'm sure other people have too but i found it funny that they finally acknowledge it out loud#he was def underestimated by his size you know he worked damn hard to build his reputation as a top scarer#if mike was not in scaring 101 you think the other students would've underestimated randall instead#randall boggs#monsters at work#monsters inc#monsters university#maw#maw season 2#monsters at work season 2#if it feels like im posting my maw stuff at weird intrevals its bc i have a bunch of drafts that i post every so often out of order#idk i feel like some of them make it sound like i just finished the show yesterday#im trying to space them out but i wanna get them all posted before people stop talking about monsters inc :(
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thinkin bout magneto's lil list of aliases from that One Shot of his government file or w/e in 97 and how it lists the three main men who've played him (David Hemblen, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender) and kinda cackling at the idea 1.) if they included All his names 2.) having 'michael' on that list twice
#snap chats#'real name magnus' to YOU. maybe to me too idk magnus IS a cute name but not the topic#some people bemoan references to the movies in the comics/cartoons I HOWEVER think theyre always cute when it comes to the xmen...#like in legion of x- i forget who but someone was like 'magneto can do a GREAT gandalf impression just get him drunk first'#like oh im sure im sure he can... [insert rivals tank joke here]#kinda wish they called back to his other VAs or at least earl boen who played him in Pryde of the X-Men but ill live#i just like the shout outs in general..... thats so cute idc i love it when comics/shows do that#also love how david hemblen's name is the only one not fully censored vJELKJVAELKJ#rip king you'll always be iconic for your performance in 92. AND in road to avonlea <- he was in one (1) episode#anyway no please can you imagine how goofy that list would be. and how long#like 'you got two michaels on here you wanna explain' you gotta ask his ex about that one. michael a good name idk what to tell you#'ok so david hemblen ian [redacted] michael [redacted] michael. michael xavier......' loud ass eyebrow raise#ik in the tas verse mags doesnt get the opportunity to 'become' michael xavier but let me have this joke ok. just this one#didnt know charles could see into the future ... it really is so funny that a man named michael would eventually play mags tho#thats so funny .. serendipity or whatever#wait that just reminds me of when he borrows charles' last name for that 2012(? or was it 2011) magneto one shot#he couldnt have been going by michael xavier in that it was well before that time.. was he just going by 'magnus xavier'....#or just Mr. Xavier .. or charles xavier ... funny as hell i love magneto's name shenanigans#james arnold taylor deserves a shoutout. maybe not in tas but just in general WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE PLAYED TIDUS#INFAMOUS LAUGHTER TIDUS THAT ONE ????? range. he also played johnny test but we dont gotta talk about it#that fact alone has made he decide mags has an ugly laugh. like i know the context of the tidus laugh and its sad but ssh#ignore me im just. i love voice actor stuff its always so funny going down the rabbit hole#seriously tho shoutout to mr taylor he's played mags in virtually all his video game appearances. AND lego charles#thats enough outta me ok bye im gonna go
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been sober for 4 days so far & it’s been hard but slowly falling in love w/ my sober mind and excited to see how far i can go ❤️
#i just smoke too much weed to the point where it’s like not conducive to my mental health#like ive smoked almost every single day of my life since i was 16-17 ish till now & like#while u can’t od on bud now that im growing older it’s just like#hmmmm maybe needing a psychoactive substance to end ur day with and watch shows & eat food with#isn’t great :/#idk the goal yet i think ideally I’ll indulge every now & then bcs i do love being high ngl lol#but rn I need to not NEED it so slowly making those steps to end my reliance !!!!!#sorry for ranting probs will delete but just thinking out loud lol
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I feel like one of the big differences between an okay monster movie and a banger of a monster movie is that the monster has to be JUST as interesting as the human characters. Half of the audience should probably end up rooting for the monster as much as the other half is rooting for the people, do you know what I'm sayin...
#i am sayin this bc i just saw the 3rd a quiet place movie#and it's just like ok but dude these monsters are so boringgggg im sorry#not just because this is the 3rd movie by now but because idk they are just hungry aliens that eat loud things and cant swim#think about the utter classics of the genre that people revisit over and over#the monsters are like fun to think about#or very cool to look at#or have some sort of a motive or culture or something that is either oddly sympathetic in some light or interesting to contemplate#anyways i feel like im such a hater and cant enjoy anything anymore but it was fun to get out to the movies again anywayz#p#a quiet place spoilers#a quiet place day one spoilers
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not to brag, but my therapist told me today that i did incredible during our emdr session, which means i get an A for the day in therapy, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve 🙂↕️😌
#not snz#literally said out loud to her “does that mean i get an a in therapy” which i assume we'll discuss at a later date lmao#random snz related thing tho#i told her today i used to hide the fact that i was sick as a child bc i didnt want to be a burden#and she was like wow. that's really serious#and i was like tbh i didn't think it was that big a deal until you said that LMAO#i hid everything!!! emotions are Bad To Show!!!#i just love her bc she doesnt mince words haha#did you guys hide the fact that you were sick as a kid? and not for like fetishy reasons#for like i dont want to bother anyone reasons#im sure im not alone there#anywayyyy#i promise im working on a story. its a mark story and he amd i are v similar so its been difficult to write#but itll hopefully be up by Friday#ive spent so much time on it and honestly i dont even like it but#its going out one way or another#i never spend this much time on one story idk whats going on#we'll see if anyone enjoys it!!#thats it for the novel in the tags if ya made it this far hi thanks for being part of my second therapy session of the day#aka the tags of a rando tumblr post lol
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#esoteric rpf…ebogo/kieran culkin…. thinking#i treat eric like communal dick im terrible. everyone’s bouncing on it#assad (of course) jacob sam kieran#as with anything i think of it’s for the end result of making assad jealous so eric and kieran are reuniting and assads there too#its all fine erics giving kieran a lot of attention and calling him kid which assad thought was /his/ petname whatever not like he cares#but then eric says that he’s known kieran since kieran was like 18/19/20 (tbh idk) and kieran is like oh are you talking dirty#and the sudden loud crunch of assad’s coke zero can cuts through the air before eric can flirt back#freaky assad makes an appearance later when they’re alone and assad finally makes his jealousy obvious#well more obvious than just pouting and being quiet while kieran was around#and the tension finally snaps and they start making out and grinding on each other and assad is like you can pretend im 18/19/20 and erics#like uhhh idk about that kid so assad just aborts ship on that and on to being called kid so he’s like pls only call me that#lmao ok i said kieran/eric rpf and it turned into zamasian… classic me
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the only issue I have with Anders aside from the obvious is that putting an explosive in the chantry instead of the gallows was goofy
the toxic fumes from diy dyeing his coat vantablack soft-locked his neurons I fear
#correct me if if wrong but the gallows was originally a fortress no ? so taking it would be advantageous#take out the barracks > jailbreak the mages > fight and capture the remaining templars#and while theyre scrambling to put reinforcements on a ferry from the city literally just get everyone out on a boat#the gag is that if he actually spent those 6 years being as militant and unstable as fans believe he would have had a better plan#'umm explode the chantry' is not a plan you devise while scheming violent liberation for six years idk thats just how I feel#did not mean to type this much im just thinking out loud hi hello
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WHO THE FUCK IS 5012 AND WHY IS HE KINDA
#thinking out loud 🏵️#are all reapers emo is this like a set requirement#IM CRYINGNGIG#can there be this one reaper thats just.#a guy.#like literally just some guy#or girl#idk#just a normal person#itd be so funny#overworked tired office worker reaper when
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HUH.
#OKAY. DAMN.#got the second to last memory and that's. a lot??#many thoughts#laya plays dav#dav spoilers#oc: ylva ingellvar#<- so i can find it again easier for more oc thoughts later#okay first of all. WILD that the blight is apparently like. the severed mind/soul/magic of the titans????#which is WILD what the FUCK solas#guy who prides (lol) himself of fighting against slavery: hey what if we cut off the mind of these guys so they stop fighting us#because WE stole from THEM. btw. normal things to do!!#HUGE moment for ylva btw she is absolutely fucking livid#but also. not sure how to feel about it??#in the sense that like. idk. will have to think about it more but my initial gut reaction was 'wow really? the elves again?'#because if it was the veil thing then at least it's one event that just happens to have a chain reaction of consequences#but like this it is one more separate thing they did#if that makes sense??#which. i am not a fan of. but again gotta let it simmer a bit i think#also. went :// at bellara feeling guilty#because it IS in line with her character!#but considering that she is the main dalish perspective we're getting it feels a bit icky?#also once again. wild story wrt to that dagger. might explain why harding is Being Hunted now#fucked up also that it is made of titan blood and used to cripple them#but ALSO. if the blight is a result of the titans' severed minds/magic/whatever but is still Alive enough to grow and wreak havoc#then how can people like the sha-brytol and valta and harding exist?#because they Got It Back yeah?#well. they did say we dont have the full picture yet so i dont wanna go on rambling *too* much lol#and also again. please no answers/ spoilers! im just thinking out loud here
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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fighting demons to not go into the longest reading slump ever rn
#like this is insane#but i am so sick and tired#after whatever the hell the prisoners throne was#352 pages and like 50 of them were interesting 😭😭😭😭😭😭#but hey i think im gonna read one of us is lying next#to just keep me out of a reading slump#and after that series (if i like it) im gonna enter my classics era#jane eyre pride & prejudice you name it#might even try the secret history#idk#just thinking out loud here#books#reading slump#random
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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!
#snap chats#WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something#and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die#which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore#because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot#so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books#but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally#on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes#thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted#and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP#wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform#and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED#it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw#ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then#BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK
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Ok not cool why am I hearing voices
#i need to go to the doctor 🧍🏼♂️#somethings wrong because usually they're not this clear#its weird and i dont like it#they sound like people i know and its too much right now#little vent sorry but i think im actually struggling#im so confused#aurhhg#ren won't shut up#mental illness#idk sometimes they get really clear and it freaks me out#other times it sounds like a bunch of voices talking over each other and it drives me crazy#most of the time when they're clear they just have very boring conversations#wow i didn't realize how much this was affecting me huh#most of the time its right as im trying to fall asleep. i can't tell if its just my dreams?? idk#but sometimes ill hear very loud words that are super clear#aa its scary sometimes grrr but normally it doesn't mess me up#but i heard a loved one say “help me” and now im freaking out aaaaurgggg#gonna text them because i also have paranoia really bad#tw mental illness#idk just in case i guess#im fine just a little spooked jdkxjsjxj#anyways sorry for the vent/ramble i just really needed to type it all out#might delete later idk
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also, on another note (forgive me for being a hater), i made friends with this girl and i hangout with her nearly every day and i really like her and we get along so well, but oh my god guys i cannot STAND her friends. i literally do not know what to do bc i want to be close with her, but those r also her close friends. they drive me genuinely insane and she is so different than them and it confuses the hell out of me bc HOW R U FRIENDS WITH THESE POL
#🎀 - mello talks too much#guys i don’t get annoyed with ppl easily#but maybe it’s their humor#idk#but they are just so annoying and loud for absolutely no reason#also not to sound like a jackass but they are so stupid that they will say things and i will just be appalled#individually they aren’t that bad but when the three of them together (not including my friend) i literally go silent bc they are so loud#and annoying for no reason#and they have no respect at all and they like yell at ppl and think it’s funny to basically terrorize ppl and they just remind me of middle#schoolers#also this one girl has slept with so many ppl that basically every story relates to her fucking someone and it lowkey just grosses me out#IM SORRY#IM SUCH A HATER BUT TBEY MAKR ME SO#FNHSSGSHA
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