#so idk what they’re on about tbh
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i’m sorry but where is your anon getting all of this “tea” i never see or hear anything bad or good honestly about vvd and his family - very low key - so just was curious.
I have no idea lol
#like he gives NOTHING away#and just the other week they were on vacation singing amd fancing together#so idk what they’re on about tbh
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Lmaoo they make it sound like I’m out here doxxing, harassing or threatening people when the extent of what I do is literally just ‘look at this bad take that is the product of gender ideology’
#‘personal information’ you make it sound as if I have their home address…#do you mean their blog name because that’s the extent of any personal info i have on people#why are they so dramatic all of the time….#also idk what call out posts they’re talking about tbh…do they mean the receipt posts? idk#gendie brainrot receipts#gender critical#radfem safe#and op I really don’t have to look that hard for homophobic and misogynistic takes in gendie circles#nor is it aimed at any specific individual
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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#txt#i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be#like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything#but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring#i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk#like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence#I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though#and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it#just like jen getting her powers back could have been more#or billy standing up for agatha could have been more#billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too#I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now#like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well#while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode#honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more#and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue#i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just#like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively#and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was#needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead#i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk
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not sure if i’m projecting or crazy or stupid or just actually incredibly good at characterization but will graham is extremely ethel cain coded 2 me
this man would drunkenly listen to strangers on repeat on his bathroom floor and bawl his eyes out while murmuring along to, “i tried to be good, am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?” while thinking about abigail and alana and beverly and and and….
#tumblr are you hearing me#sorry for hannibal posting again i genuinely cant stop <2#idk if this is anything#ALSO HEAD IN A WALL????? reminds me so much of will PLEASE does anyone see the vision#will graham#hugh dancy#hannibal#hannibal 2013#hannibal lecter#hannibal show#mads mikkelsen#hannigram#alana bloom#also this is me officially coming out as an alana bloom lover forever and always#tbh i ship her and will more than i do hannibal…. i miss what they had in s1#the way she took his dogs without question when he was in prison :(( and was just like yeah im keeping them for. however long i need to#hate hate hated her and hannibal together it made me feel violent and nauseous#in the back of my mind somewhere i imagine will and alana making it out. or maybe never being in any of these circumstances in the first#place#they’re long term non married partners with a million dogs TO ME#willana#will x alana#alana x wil#also i’m not finished with the show im at the beginning of s3#so if it turns out she’s somehow alive or smth SHUT pretty please <3#i already know vague spoilers about the show but i don’t want that to be one of them if it is 💀#abigail hobbs#ethel cain#preachers daughter#preacher’s daughter
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*The Boys spoilers*
I love The Boys but is anyone else afraid it’ll just get redundant. We know that season 5 has been confirmed already, so is the big event in season 4 just kind of going to be that they almost get Homelander again but not quite? I liked season 3 but it’s also my least favorite season so far mostly because it didn’t feel like it really went anywhere with the ending.
#I hope that’s not going to be it but obv they’re not gonna get him this season if it isn’t the last season lol#again I love the show and I think the writers are wayyy more clever than that most of the time but I also don’t want it to be just another..#…show that jumps the shark just because it’s popular and the network wants to get as many seasons out of it as possible lol#I haven’t read the comics and probably never will lol so I genuinely don’t know what will happen#also can we talk about Maeve and Black Noir. bro.#I’m also surprised they haven’t killed off The Deep yet tbh#idk what I’m saying I’m done now#txt#the boys tv#the boys
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no thoughts, just the way the narumi sisters are so different yet fundamentally similar at the same time yk?
#i love the functionally dysfunctional relationship of the narumi sisters to an unhealthy degree i think…#i’ve just been thinking about how both sisters put each other up on a high pedestal while having a less than high opinion of themselves and.#aaaaaaa just the way sena calls mona her angel while thinking of herself as a useless/subpar older sis#a n d how the main source of mona’s depression is her constant comparisons with her beloved big sis sena is just. aaaaa#just!!!! the way sena pushes herself past her limits in her attempts to portray herself as an ideal big sis for mona#even at the expense of her own health sometimes (see also: the beach sisters honeypre event)#i really feel like the way sena thinks she isn’t good enough of a big sis to mona is pretty glossed over for the most part tbh.. man.#(i have many thoughts on this tbh. none of them coherent)#and just. aaaaaaaaaaaa im really happy that both of them have great support systems (their families + [midori for sena]/[monacas for mona])#like. even though they don’t personally think they’re good enough compared to their ideals…#at least they have people who are there to love them for who they truly are. their true selves (honto no watashi) if you will—#idk i just wish both of them could see themselves exactly how their sister sees them…#b ut man i really want idol sengen season 2 just so that we may be able to see how sena reacts upon finding out what happens to the bracelet#i doubt they’ll show it in an mv but. man. i really want to know how she’ll react…#im probably misremembering and misinterpreting a bunch of stuff about sena huh… i miss her thoughhh#i miss seeing the sisters together tbh. i think the gen 3 sibling pairs should sing together a la tokyo [season] session style
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🤪🫠😛😅
#I’m like mostly recovered tbh but the irreversible physical changes of weight gain are triggering the fuck out of me rn#and it’s worse bc I know they’re in large part due to [redacted] and it’s like my fault pretty much so I got no one else to blame! 🤡#and knowing that every day I get older and every day it gets that much harder to lose the weight again bc that’s just what bodies do#I wanna d*e like. knowing I’ll never look the way I did before even if I never eat another morsel of food ever again#I know I don’t wanna go back to the way I felt and behaved when I did look ‘good’ like that but just. idk something about knowing I can’t g#*get that back no matter how hard I might theoretically try to in the future. I will always look inferior to that now#helpppppppp I’m just so [redacted lest I get the cops called on me]#ed tw
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Last night, my boss called me out of the blue (he’s never done that before. It was like, almost 9pm and my sister and I were out eating at a restaurant in Chinatown. Well, we’d just left tbh.) asking if I was “coming in today?” And if “I need my hours,” like man, what? And tried to joke about the times where I’d text him to ask if I should still come in because the weather is bad and I can’t work the pool if it’s raining. They literally know this. I’ve been sent home because of the rain at least 5 times now, bro, stop playing with me. He said some shit like ��you aren’t just doing that as an excuse to call off, right hahah?” And I just feel like that since they want to fire me, he’s trying to come up with an excuse to do so. He tried to take a jab at me asking by about the weather as an excuse to go into possibly “calling off too much,” even though I’ve never missed a day of work since starting this location. The only days I’ve missed are the days where they’d send me home because of the rain and that one weekend because I was gone for vacation, so they can’t use my attendance at all. I’m late sometimes (only because I’m tired of this place, man. I’m so unmotivated but I need the money orz. The good thing is that the leasing agents and those in higher positions aren’t there on the weekends. Only maintenance and the concierges and they don’t give a shit. I doubt they’d tell on me about being late since most of the concierges hate it there, too. They could gaf.) but my boss sounded like he was trying to see if I was going to coming in today (why wouldn’t I? I’ve been working the weekend for weeks now, what are you talking about 🗿…) so that he could try to have someone new work the pool to give them a chance to get used to it so that they could push me out/ fire me. Jokes on them, I might just call up my main boss on Monday and tell her that I’d like a new assignment because the work place has become hostile and it is now, making me feel uncomfortable.)
#really don’t want to be here anymore#I was talking to one of the other concierges yesterday about what the manager has been up to since I haven’t seen her in weeks and one of#the other leasing agents came over and was like ‘do you have the pool sheets ^^?’ be in mind#none of them besides the actual property manager has ever asked me that before at all they usually don’t care and are always busy#so why are you walking over to the front desk asking me if I’m about to go up stairs when you’ve never done so before#I just stopped the conversation that I was having with the concierge and walked off#I feel like they’re all spying on me now bro it’s weird af#ease dropping on me complaining to other concierges and shit it’s weird#I know that the other concierges wouldn’t repeat what I’ve said to any of them since again#they aren’t too fond of manager at all either and some of them have called him racist even#idk man#I’m really uncomfortable#rambling#omw to work rn#I already know that today is going to be annoying#Saturdays are always the busiest day at the pool#kids screaming and shit#idm but sometimes I’m just like uhhh kill me bro#it’s mainly the heat that gets to me tho the kids are barely a problem tbh it’s usually the grown adults being rude and stuff
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I am a staunch supporter of Hawks x the Todoroki family. That sounds bad but I promise it’s not in a weird way.
Obviously it would be separately and also not illegal for Shouto.
Endeavor/Hawks is like hero worship and falling into bed together a few times after a rough fight. Enji insists it means nothing and it’s just a way to deal with the excess adrenaline and it’s not happening again. It happens again. It happens a lot of agains.
Now…. Rei/Hawks? Hell. Yeah. Not romantically, this is purely sexual. Hot Young Hero Gets Pegged By Sexy Milf Divorcee. I can see the hub logo already. Idk how they’d meet tbh maybe he saves her or she divorced Enji rather than… what happened:/ But they meet and sparks immediately fly, and he takes her back to his penthouse and they freak it.
Dabi/Hawks. Classic. My favorite. Sweet and spicy. The tension and the romance is unparalleled. I don’t even need to type any of this out because what happens in canon is already perfect enough. If all of these ships happen in the same universe, this is endgame. But also, if these all happen in the same universe, the first family dinner where Touya brings his bf home and the room is just full of people hawks has slept with… delightfully awful.
Fuyumi/Hawks is where we start to get some sweet innocent dating. Maybe they met while Hawks did a press assembly at her school. Maybe the kids staged a meet cute or smth, parent trap style. They date for a few months, and spend a handful of nights together, but ultimately decide that neither of them are in a spot in their lives where they can pursue a serious relationship. They part on good terms, and occasionally still talk as friends.
Natsuo/Hawks. Baby’s first one night stand 🥰 buuuttt it turns into booty call for sure. Natsu is freshly 18. He’s finally his own person. He’s in university, he has his own apartment. Things are good. So he goes clubbing and meets the youngest hero to reach top 10, and he just so happens to want to go home with him. They toe the line of booty call and friends with benefits, but they don’t really hang out much because hero work and university are Very time consuming.
Shouto/ Hawks. Stop side eyeing me, I said it wasn’t weird or illegal. I intentionally put a space after the slash, it’s unrequited. Hawks was simply Shouto’s sexual awakening, just as I’m sure he was many other kids that age. Shouto never had any sort of attraction to anyone until Hawks showed up in the hero scene. At first he saw his press debut and was just ‘oh wow that man is very attractive. Guess I’m mildly attracted to boys now.’ And then he saw Hawks on tv, covered in soot, walking out of a burning building while holding a baby in one arm and a kitten in the other and he decided then and there that he would never look at another man in his life because no one could ever compare.
#the family dinner I mentioned is the only thing I think about tbh#endeavor is glaring with the heat of a thousand suns#fuyumi rei and hawks won’t look at anyone and are blushing so hard you would think they’re the ones with the fire quirks#natsuo is trying so hard to contain his laughter#and poor touya is just confusion personified#Shouto: …I’m sensing some tension in this room right now 😐#what an empath#fr someone pls write this I don’t have the capacity for long form fiction I’m just the ideas man#also?? can I just say I know for a fact I’ve written all of this out before but I cannot for the life of me find where#maybe I just yelled at my friend idk#bnha#mha#mha hawks#dabi todoroki#shouto todoroki#natsuo todoroki#enji todoroki#rei todoroki#fuyumi todoroki#todoroki family#shut up grandpa
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My fellow zillennial. It's come to my attention that Gen Alpha is apparently making aesthetic tiktoks romanticizing 2020, like they want to be a teenager during that time??? Like no? You don't? I can't even begin to start breaking down how bad that year was in every category. McDonalds apparently now has "standards" yet another rubbish thing to add to the "college degrees make you overqualified with zero experience sorry you can't get this entry job" bucket. And Lunchables news reporters are like 30 years too late to be writing an expose on the toxic levels of metal in that.
people were dying????? we were in a state of panic and isolation???? schools were struggling with the switch to online only classes????
do we all remember the BLM protests and the tips on how to keep your face hidden and how to stay safe from getting maced???? do we remember the pushback against it??? calling on botched stats???
do we even remember the fucking US election???? how heated it got???? how much distrust republicans tried to seed into mail-in ballots?????
and then literally January of 2021, the US legislative house gets stormed in, Texas has a freeze so bad our gridlock shuts down and PEOPLE DIED FROM THE COLD WHILE EVERYONE ELSE MOCKED US FOR FREEZING!!!
2020 was not a good year. it is the furthest from a a good year, but it sure as hell emphasized a motley of issues the world had going on (tho i’m more versed in the US issues bc i live there)
#i’m gonna go ahead and hope gen alpha is romanticizing it because that was a year they were still very young#like year your spring break turned into a spring month and you got to spend so much time at home!!!! awesome!!!!!#why do you think that happened???? seriously i would like to know#this is secondhand information but i would like to know why that year and not idk 2018 or 2013 when frozen came out???#tbh if i ever romanticize the early 2000s it’s because that was when i was a child and knew nothing#i didn’t know what a recession was or that airplane security was never like this ten years ago#i never thought to wonder why it took my dad years to become a naturalized citizen#or why some friends of mine faced discrimination i was ignorant to#or why so many new students joined my class after Hurricane Katrina#i was young & i was ignorant & i never questioned shit & all i knew was that Avril Lavigne was awesome and high school musical was my dream#tbh idk what about 2020 looks so desirable because all i remember was dread and panic and being so fucking lonely#i just hope it’s a desire they’re making out of nostalgia for when they were still unaware about what was going on bc i do get that#but saying that 2020 was the year you want to live as a teen????? as an adult?????#no sir#nuh uh#that is NOT the year you want to relive at that age i assure you#asks#gen alpha i suggest you pick 2012 bc even tho there was talk of an apocalypse it actually never happened and looking back it’s kinda funny
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Do you have any opinions on what kind of music mav and ice like? I’m just curious as someone who has motorcycle riding 80s navy dad whose favorite two artists were Madonna and Bruce Springsteen if you think the answer would surprise us? Or if they’d be as predictable as always
Yeah nothing crazy. kinda predictable i guess. classic rock, country rock, classic blues, nostalgic 60s folk, contemporary stuff when it comes on the radio and isn’t unlistenable by their middle-aged-white-man standards.
+ of course ice’s somewhat gay Fleetwood Mac entanglement
#Look i was born in 2003 idk anything about 90s music tbh. 80s yes but not 90s#it’s one of those things I don’t feel qualified to discuss#most of my opinions on questions like this are inspired by what my white dad b. ca. 1970 enjoyed in high school#so that’s where you get ‘beast of burden’ by The Rolling Stones in my fic. that’s a ‘my dad likes this song’ song.#so what else did my white dad like that i feel is in line with ice and mav#?#uhhh. okay. Donna summer. counting crows. the foo fighters. Joni Mitchell. Peter Paul and Mary. bill withers. Burt Bacharach. Whitney.#Coldplay! they listen to the radio so i think they’re into some 21st ce artists as well. like to a Normal degree.#they don’t follow celebs but like the music. they like old t swift but like to a normal white dad degree.#my white dad is really into dua lipa for some reason. ice & mav don’t give me that vibe#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#asks#it’s one of those things that’s like ‘you should really have ur own hcs about this bc everyone’s are going to be too specific’#like ice & mav’s sex lives & what they prefer in bed. I certainly have my hcs but they’re so specific it’s not worth#discussing because they won’t be universal so who cares. they’ll just live inside my head#the act of sharing hcs is very vulnerable & not always worth it tbh#better to shove them into a narrative somewhere#ty for the ask anon 🥺❤️❤️
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“Even if it’s not my fault, it’s still my accident, it’s still my mess. It’s still something that - exists, because I do” oh. and he just doesn’t know another way to help, either, because all his life has been screwing up without helpful direction in order to meet impossible standards, and so there is no other way than to bleed himself dry. for the cause, for a friend in need, for anyone he doesn’t know. especially for the problems that he himself creates, because to him his pure existence has always been the problem, because the elders were fucked as hell and traumatized him to no end - so even causing problems is a sin. a single mistake is a sin. it always has been. and it’s rough trying to learn anything other than that mindset - but Jay and Chip won’t let him struggle alone.
and it’s like - that’s what comes with being raised the way he was. punished for imperfection, but there’s no guidebook, no definition of perfect. and so perfect is never good enough anyway. it’s a trap and there is no winning, so there’s nothing else to do but take the blame and bear it, and internalize it. and it makes actual failure and actual mistakes that much more painful. of course responsibility needs to be taken for your actions - but when you’ve been taking responsibility for everything, up to and including the literal fate of the world, all of your life, every outcome is your fault. and guilt only builds, and resentment only festers. of course he hates the elders for how they treated him. of course he hates himself.
he’s grabbing his own destiny and making his own choices - but the thing about making your own choices is that there are so many of them. there’s no destiny to blame anymore. and all you can do is the best you can. and it’s not always going to be good enough. he’s learned plenty about failure, but with Jay and Chip around, maybe he’ll learn about second chances, and self forgiveness. maybe he’ll learn that accidents aren’t always met with extremes. and that he’s not the only one left to deal with a mess if he slips up and breaks something.
#after their talk and their big spar part 2 and everything I’m choosing to hope for the up and up#I just. I dunno. again. y’all ever think about how he never lays on hands to heal himself? because I do#I’m calling it what it is tw for the tags here but#passive suicidality. and it’s scary and tough to deal with especially under these conditions he’s under and it’s like#he’s someone who can be seen as bigger than life almost a moral role model. a hero of sorts. and still he thinks he’ll never be good enough#abuse will do that to a mf#but like. idk jay shot him and he forgave her. and chip can be a downright bastard and he still cares for him. as much as his own#morals and nature have rubbed off on the other captains they’ve also rubbed off on him. I mean sarcasm? pranks?#chip is valuing others more and more. and so maybe gillion will value himself more and more. yknow?#after every mistake he’s made and the others have made they’re still crew. family. and ain’t that somethin?#I dunno. taking responsibility isn’t just bleeding yourself out as retribution. there has to be a balance. and for gillion (and chip tbh)#that’s difficult. and something I am hoping they will continue improving on#idk. I have many thoughts without full articulation I’m just kinda spinning them all in my brain yknow#jrwi riptide 86#jrwi#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#character analysis#z speaks
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reading some essays/lectures by Flannery O’Connor and she has some relevant stuff to say (it’s also Very Catholic so warning for that ig)
This is from Mystery and Manners.
#sorry on phone but can update with description later#i am having trouble coming up with comments that are not excessively disparaging towards catholics tbh#bc she’s saying some really dumb shit when she’s not saying really smart shit#a trouble i think many really intelligent and really religious writers have#C S Lewis did something similar#also for the record i have not read any of her fiction and just picked up this book this past weekend#so i don’t have actual thoughts abt what she’s saying yet lol#she also comes across bitter and angry and mad at many of her readers#and idk if it’s just this collection or what#but a lot of that energy seems to have been fed into her religious beliefs#it’s not exclusively a religious person thing but she’s so quick to disparage anyone who doesn’t appear to her to be Trying Hard Enough#‘oh those sinners they just want to live an easy life where nobody tells them they’re wrong’ kinda rhetoric#it’s an interesting tension#if anyone who actually knows stuff about her work sees this and wants to correct the impressions i’m getting please feel free!
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Oh. Sad
#the rhetoric and blame shifting is already bothering me btw#like ppl saying this has nothing to do with her policies like okay#the assumption everyone has that Green Party would automatically be democratic votes if they weren’t green is unreal#I have 0 opinion accelerationists tbh bc idek what the hell the intricacies of that are#the demographics#hate to say it but latinoes really did surprise me like wow guys. crazy work#the fl 60% amendment rule is insaaane#and tbh back to the Green Party thing the idea that they’re guaranteed democrats if under other circumstances is crazy#not just bc those numbers so far wouldn’t have gotten her any state#but bc the logic doesn’t hold up bc by that logic u should still be pissed at catering to right wing policies and ideals#her stance on immigration militarism fracking etc. bc she’s catering to ppl who would STILL be right wing#like the ppl who agree with her on these stances would rather see it on a white man#hate to say it but Girlboss feminism doesn’t work when you’re black#and everyone’s tip toeing around it but yes. as a black women you DO have to go harder and set more stances that align with ur voter base#bc for everyone who’ll show up for you being u in a country like this there’s twice the ppl who won’t just bc ur u#and ppl keep tryna say this isn’t about race like it kind of was. in the sense that everyone forgot that when ur black u do have to work#harder for half the credit - which is unfortunate and frustrating that bw don’t get to be vile and get rewarded but that’s what u account#for when running. like u can’t appeal to right wingers and their ideals bc their ideals and biases mean it was never gonna be you#uhm anyways this is like. are we choosing overt or covert racism for the next 4 years and apparently overt#and idk maybe I’m naive I thought this was gonna be an eye opener#that ppl would go back review the campaign see what went wrong have real convos on what we care about as a collective#but so far ppl are saying ppl who thought politicians should earn their vote need to be on the front lines and saying leftist ideals that#fell apart the second they tokenized one of us as the possible face of the imperial core#ig It’s like. are we bracing ourselves to set back until the next panic or are we finally gonna be motivated to haul ass#yknow hopefully in the end some of y’all see what we’ve been going through the entire time#also now that we can’t say at least they’re not trump anymore are we gonna break down Harris and bidens own transphobia and Zionism#or are they useless to discuss now after y’all propped them up as ur saviors for the last few months
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it’s honestly kinda crazy to me that kel & co were literally the first OCs i ever made
#my test subjects if you will#& yet i am still obsessed w them after all these years#idk i just think it’s kinda special bc it’s like we grew up together almost?#the first iteration of kel & co were honestly very wacky. like the deviant art era of my oc making if you know what i mean#but they’ve changed & grown a lot over the years & that’s kinda fun!! they’re very dear to me tbh#sometimes i read through old notes for them & i’m just like. man what was i thinking#i could honestly write an entire essay on all of the scrapped lore for these guys. the kel & co multiverse is Very extensive lol#the original three the story was about were bow kel & a lil ghost i named tragedy (i was 12 lol)#her real name is isobel. she’s not in canon anymore but she IS in monster boyz. i put a lot of the old characters in mbz.#dhes wasn’t in the original story at first either. he was a character i made for an rp lmao#but once that ended i decided i loved him so much & had to put him in my main project#he has changed the most from his original design tbh. personality wise i mean#he went from very minor side character to the literal focus of the story#he’s essentially the main narrator. even more so than kel#idk. i was just randomly thinking about them & how long it’s been.#gives me feelings when i think about it all lol#i did not sleep last night at all btw#rainyrambles
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#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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