#so id be down to do it i just dont know how down i am to go thru the process of redownloading sims 2...
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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So, was that tag mentioning "fairy deer lycanthropy" /j or /srs ?
#Maybe#I dont know#Im thinking about it#I want you to know every time im like 'ooooh I have this idea im not going to do it though' I am looking at my audience with big beady eyes#Mostly I do that to gauge interest because if I really didnt want to do it I wouldnt bring it up#almost no one has said anything about it but I am in fact insane about bodyhorror#Id have to figure out the logistics tho and I think thats my biggest roadblock rn#I have to make a design also I have to come up with a justification for how the fuck fairy lycanthropy works#because I am absolutely not making it canon that fairy bites just do that#maybe its partially somatic#I have no idea if thats the word im looking for#like he gets the idea in his head that itll happen and because of the magic in his blood he accidentally curses himself#that would be so beautiful#deep down he knows hes a monster and he starts externalizing that...#oh god im talking myself into it#fop nature au
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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hooohoooohoooooo i think i need to go back to therapy im starting to have Thoughts that im too stupid for again
#sometimes i really think id like to feel something without stopping to analyse whether its fair and logical in this particular situation#but then i see someone else do that and get so frustrated and annoyed because can you not SEE how its useless and unwarranted and illogical#which is bad! this is a bad reaction! which i am beating away with a stick obv but its still there and i hate it#i wasnt always like this is the thing and i feel like its actively getting worse which is what worries me#i realised some time ago i dont actually go to therapy to Get Better. that is not really my intention deep down.#i dont need the therapist to tell me why im like this because im actually very good at connecting those dots and i like doing it actually#i feel like a private detective with a board of clues and red string. its fun. what i actually really go to therapy for#is to have someone whom i can PAY to listen to me do it because only this way i wont feel guilty about it lol#and it helps that it's a person who's smarter than me and has some actual academic knowledge that i lack#also ngl id like someone to Explain some things to me cause baby i just dont fucking get it. i dont *understand* why other people do that#and ngl its driving me crazy. its like trying to play a card game where i dont know any fucking rules and everyone else does#but the moment i ask for some i get bitchslapped. so all i know is what ive managed to Observe and its enough to survive ig#but you never know when you'll do something that seems completely normal to you and everyone at the table will start tweaking#its like the older i get the less i understand and its Weird
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Does anyone else have a lot of trouble picking up information like if I read something I don't learn anything but when I read it for the twentieth time I maybe pick up half
#is this just an ADHD thing#or an add thing i have that#neurodivergent#that tag felt right but idk if it fits yet#is it like offensive if I keep it#who would i be offending thats literally me#i dont know a lot about my ADD tho#its weird i can just have a conversation with myself in the tags#does anyone even read this far into the tags#its not like anyone will see this anyhow right#we need to clear all those old posts i feel like there is like 5 posts from 2002 that get all the attention#they should make cigarettes cost less theres no way a piece of paper cotten and some leafs cost that much#a pack should be like 1.25 i bet thats how much a pack costs to make ehh maybe more like 3.75#i wish i had a cigarette#but i dont even have a lighter itd be pointless#god i wish i had a genie#id be so lit with a genie#id wish for a backpack that i can pull whatever i want out of that nobody else can use and I can't lose#man I'd abuse some genie powers#MALLLLLLLLMOOOOOOO#how far am i now#there's no way any person read this far down#it might be less than i thought#like how spinach like q fucking bucket full after cooking is like 2 leaves#i wish i could cook#that'd be so fucking lit#i think im pretty far down now#this song fucking slaps#i wonder how long i can do this#testicle tag
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uuugHHH I hate tagging stuff
I've dragged some stuff out of the drafts and into the queue! Sorry for the content drought, I'm adjusting to new medications ^^"
Anyhow- posting this primarily to promo a fic someone wrote! Because everyone knows I'm constantly chomping at the bit for new Kim content, and I imagine several of you are too,,,
You can read it here, over on ao3!! It gets a little heavy for some people probably, but it's really quite nice, so I hope you'll consider giving it a chance! (It's seriously really good, please consider reading it.)
#also yes it is tagged w knikim but i am begging you to please read it anyway. SPOILERS but it's really so brief a moment#like it's about as brief or perhaps even Briefer- one could argue- than how they've been brushed on in canon before. because it's a look +#+at brushes with relationships Kim's had throughout the series. so please please please consider reading it I Beg Of You#okay that's all the begging I'll do. i just know that's a a tag that's gonna make some people do a 180- so I needed to get that out there#but it's really good i swear. it's got some lines I've got Rattling in my head still#sp comic#spvtw#spto#fanfics#links#kim pine#scott pilgrim#lisa miller#jason kim#hollie hawkes#knives chau#ramona flowers#ship stuff#sckim#lisim#i dont actually have a jason and kim tag im realizing. not sure i want to make one really lol. id probably make it... kim squared maybe?#kimona#always feels weird to put something in this one! bc i swore up and down this would be a basically one time use tag but here we are like 3 +#+or 4 posts deep at this point:#knikim#scott pilgrim fanfiction#scott pilgrim fandom#whoops im running out of tags. okay that's all folks!#ooc#txt
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:
#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back#i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest#drinking is worsening it all#i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen#its just me and teddy#im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore#i cant handle people looking at .e#me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard#i keep finding myself face down floating in the river#and when i turn my body over#my face isnt rotten#it isnt bloated at all.#... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago#then i snap out and im making dinner#and im someone else. somewhere else forever#im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone#because what would they do?#the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it#i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#i know ive been bitching about this a lot lately but just let a girl vent pls#husband just got home and said 'you look tired you should go lie down '#and i told him i cant. i have too much housework to do. 'well lay down after that '#cant. because then i have more housework after that.#and he got all huffy at me like i was being dramatic#and he said 'how am i supposed to snuggle up with you if you arent laying down? c#and i shot back ' who's going to do the housework if i dont '#and he rolled his eyes. straight up rolled his eyes.#this is the man that is constantly telling me to just ask him for more help. just make a list#yelled at me and stormed out of the house whej i told him to pls just use his eyes#bc i dont have time to make him a list of chores#and also the man who if i do ask him to do smth it doesnt get done#examples just from today. he was heading into town and i asked him to please bring the recycling with him. he didnt.#he yells at me for doing the cat litter bc its bad for my asthma. but then leaves it until its bad enough i have to do it#bc its unfair to the cats to expect them to use a litter box that bad. and then he gets mad at me for not just asking him to do it#like. its in the bathroom. right next to the toilet. he has to look at it when hes taking a shit every day. and youre telling me#he doesnt notice it? i have to remind him???#and then i get yelled at and reprimanded for just doing it myself#' ASK FOR HELP DAMMIT! '#i do. i do all the fucking time. i ask you to empty the garbage bc bending over makes my back scream. but you dont#and i have to power through and do it.#i ask you to bring the recycling into town to drop off. and as soon as you leave i find out you didnt even gather it up.#i ask you to please clear out the bathtub drain. for two weeks. and you brush it off until the day i decide to#do it myself and you get so passive aggressive about it and ' no ILL DO IT. the tool is back in my mom's room#guess I'll just go WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP so i can grab it since you need it done! '#im so tired of asking and then just being disappointed anyway.#if im gonna get yelled at anyway id rather just do it all myself so at least its done. and not sit there and beg for help and do it anyway
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#I wish you could send people a survey every month#like 'do you still like me' 'are you growing tired of me' 'am i too annoying'#i feel like deep down i know my friends like me#but i get wound up so often just questioning every interaction#and over analyzing it till it makes me feel ill#you can have a convo and it wont be the best most perfect convo in the world every time#yeah thats how it works!#but i start overthinking every thing and its so hard to rationalize myself#EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO REASON TO THINK THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE#god i hate this#i wish i could remove the ability of self introspection#why must i question every interaction and run in circles making myself think im living in some world where i am hated and disgust people#ah man being alone at home is not good for me#i dont hate to be alone but i have too much time to think and its very dangerous#its bad bcs like i dont want to question people#like if i found out a friend thought i was losing interest in them id be so sad!#but it's impossible to think from the other perspective#instead i just start making conspiracy theories to myself abt how i am detested actually#sry i think i go on this rant every month#im lonely :(#catie.rambling.txt
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if you read my last post, hello, this is my poll post i was talking about. If you havent read my last post, no worries, to sum it up, i am gonna be very off and on in terms of activity due to up and down depression 🙃🙃
but anyways, point is, i know i made a post like this before but i cant be arsed to check 1000+ posts for the poll. So here it is... again!
not putting sims 4 on the list because i cannot be arsed to play the sims 4 rn :)
#I dont know if sims 3 medieval can still be played but im SO down to play it if i can#before i stopped playing sims 2. i was doing a strangerville rotational save and i LOVED it#so id be down to do it i just dont know how down i am to go thru the process of redownloading sims 2...#the least likely game im looking forward to playing would be the sims 2 story games... never played them so idk-#-its not super interesting to me#I think Sims 1 would just be a side game#like I'd play and post. for example. mainly Sims 3 and then occasionally post Sims 1 stuff#the last option is sorta jokey. pick it if you want. but im just looking for an answer and tbf i probably would find a-#-way to implement Roo into my saves. whether its the main sim/heir (like in Sims 1) or a side character who just shows up-#-(like in a legacy or sumn)#anyways! lmk. im just trying to find something to do to combat my depression ig lmfao#yapping
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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{R.E.B.O.R.N} - T H E O R I Z I N G ~ P A R A L L E L Worlds + Y A M A M O T O & B Y A K U R A N + G E N K I S H I S Death + TYL!Y A M A M O T O
Inheritance Ceremony!Y A M A M O T O -> T.Y.L
"T H I S Will D e c i d e {It}."
B O N U S:
"{T S U N A}, Why don't you T a k e a l i t t l e B r e a k?"
"THIS will D e c i d e I t..."
"If I can get {t h e m} with {T H I S} IT'S--" "{G A M E} & {S e t}!!" A.K.A. C o n c e p t s For S t o r i e s I'll N e v e r? -- Be Able to W r i t e...?!
{Cap'd by Me} (A S K to Use)
#koushirouizumi khr#koushirouizumi khr cap#koushirouizumi khr refs#koushirouizumi yamamoto#koushirouizumi 80x27#c: takeshi#c: tsunayoshi#c: byakuran#c: daemon spade#c: genkishi#c: chrome#yamamoto and byakuran#yamamoto and tyl tsuna#natural born hitman yamamoto#(mE SHRIEKING @ A M A N O FROM AFAR IN THE YEAR 2K24 'HOW MUCH OF THIS DID YOU ACTUALLY PLAN BECAUSE U M')#('WHY AM I SEEING ALL THESE P A R A L L E L S AND POSSIBLE CONNECTING POINTS AND')#({MAYBE IT WAS **AN {ALMOST} FULL CIRCLE** AND NOT *AN UNSOLVED MYSTERY STRING OF PLOT POINTS* ALL ALONG})#(YAMAMOTO ' HAHA . TSUNA IM TOTALLY FINE . BYAKURAN ISNT PLANNING ANYTHING ')#({AND TOTALLY CANT *STILL* SHARE KNOWLEDGE BETWEEN TIMEFRAMES BEFORE OTHERS GET WIPED FROM THE TEMP FIX & YAMAMOTO EVEN SUSPECTED IT})#(T.Y.L YAMAMOTO '{GOTTA MAKE SURE TSUNA WINS NO MATTER WHAT Even If They Think I DONT Know in This Timeline}')#khr timeframe: this is the {supposedly} only world in which you helped me {irie} when you bumped into me#(I kind of rEALLY Want to write a Longer Concept for this but hhhhh I havent written for Yama Yet and I am Low Screaming Into Void)#({'AND THEN IDEK MAYBE YAMA REVEALS YAMAS DOING IT ALL FOR TSUNA NOT {BYAKURAN} & TSUNA ASKS FOR YAMAS HELP TO DISBAND WIDER VONGOLA FAM'})#('AND YAMAS LIKE {ID DIE FOR YOU TSUNA} AND TSUNAS LIKE {NO YOU WONT}')#(BYAKURAN ' {ACTUALLY I MIGHT NOT HAVE HEALED YOU ALL THE WAY} ')#(Also the '''hospital'''sTM in Namimori are SH*T and Tsunas team basically all use the same hospital as all the rest of ThemTM by ending)#({Which is likely ALSO Why Byakuran Gains Control So Easily by T.Y.L Timeframes})#(IDEK IDEK JUST KNOWING AMANO EVEN BRINGING UP THE LATER PLOT POINTS RE YAMAMOTO ANYWAY ARE MAKING ME YELL A LOT)#(If I was able to get this concept down I could try to write something by later Apr but hhhh A.M.V Might Work Better....)#(oK BUT ALSO LIKE *GENKISHI LITERALLY DESCRIBES ALL THAT WORD FOR WORD* AND AMANOS LIKE 'HAHA' 'OH BYAKURAN ~~HEALSTM~~ YAMA BTW')
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