#so i'm in between having a huge appreciation for where i am in life

[whenthegoldrays]

🩷

[sophie-frm-mars]

Hi, ex-supporter here. Genuinely hope you’re doing well. I have been tempted to start up my support again because you genuinely are a talented writer/creator and I do enjoy your work.

I hope you understand supporting your Patreon is somewhat fraught. Your private life should be none of our business, but sadly it is relevant here. Moral action, both private and political is central to your work; you have called out plenty of people for abuse & morality drives your politics. We know abuse took place on your end, but that’s all.

A lot of people like myself might be emotionally rooting for you to bounce back from this, but are unable to support you right now because that moral dissonance has not been resolved. We really don’t know if you are like other ‘cancelled’ leftist influencers and just use leftist values to deflect attention away from abuse, or you are actually trying to do better and working on yourself.

You don’t owe us anything. However, many of us who are eager to support you are forced to hold back because trust has been damaged, and there has not been any real sign of reparation or reconciliation. Maybe you think those kind of questions are invasive, maybe you don’t think we are real fans for not sticking by you despite the allegations.

I don’t know, I just want you to know that there are plenty of people who do want to support you, but feel they need to trust you first. And that can’t happen without addressing some things.

Anyways, best wishes. Take care.

Hiya, thank you for speaking to me on this.

Before I say the rest of what I say I want to be clear that between me and the people I was involved with in 2023, there were some instances where I was responsible for harm, there were instances where I received harm and there was also a general pervasive ecosystem of harmful behaviours in the community I was in. This includes people who signed the statement against me, and in one instance one of them did something which everyone to whom I have described it has agreed is sexual assault, though there is more besides.

For the time being I'm not talking publicly more about what happened because it was a very messy situation, and although I have been seriously harmed by issues in my personal life being litigated in public in this way, I don't want to give my full account of my relationships with everyone involved because I don't want that type of harm to be done to other trans women. There are plenty of complicating factors as there often are in real life that social media isn't really capable of parsing. I have made it clear repeatedly that I am open to hearing anything that people involved want to say to me, and I talked in this post in January about that and about what I would be doing to ensure that I put in the work and make sure I don't cause harm like it again

https://x.com/sophie_frm_mars/status/1745414530455261531

I think that that post says everything I would like to say for now, although I regret saying I agree that my behaviour was abusive, because with more distance and perspective I don't think abusive behaviour was actually described to me.

As I understand it via the support that my therapist and friends have offered, my problems in 2023 were that: I wasn't taking my mental health seriously, I didn't learn good kink practice, I had very little appreciation of my own boundaries and when I shouldn't be doing something that someone asks me to do, and I was high basically all the time. I am in therapy and doing DBT and taking my mental health deadly seriously, I have done a huge amount of reading assigned by my therapist about kink, sex, relationships and mental health, I am working in an ongoing way on learning how to effectively communicate, know my boundaries and understand myself well enough to not be in the kinds of situations that risk harm, and I'm no longer high all the time.

(If anyone is interested in those book recs, so far I've read: Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel; The Right To Sex by Amia Srinivasan; Screw Consent (I hate this edgy title) by Joseph Fischel; Playing Well With Others; The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren; I Hope We Choose Love by Kai Cheng Thom; The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy; and Dissociation Made Simple by Jamie Marich. There have been some others, and I've written a bit about them in the book club channel on my discord as I've been reading)

I haven't heard from the people involved. The last I heard from anyone was one of my exes calling me a pathological liar and saying that they just want to move on with their lives, so while I'm doing the work to make sure I act better in future I am just trying to get on with my life and let them get on with theirs. I hope this clarifies why I have not talked further about the situation.

I will say that the last few months have been hellish for me. I have been frequently suicidal, I spent Christmas and new years alone, I lost a tooth because I couldn't afford proper dental treatment, people from within the community I've been ostracised from have been putting pressure on my remaining friends to cut ties with me, Keffals had my abuser on her twitch stream, a bizarre exaggerated and monsterised version of my personal life has been publicly gossiped about by trans people, fash and "leftist" drama streamers alike, I have been doing other work to make sure I can still pay rent and afford my bills and my HRT, and to survive. As I've been getting more stable and more able to focus on things besides this, I've been working on new writing because all I want with regard to my work and my channel is for my writing to help people. I don't want to talk about my private life, but I do understand that some number of people will feel after what has been said about me that they can't move forward with me without hearing the full details. Lots of people in my life have repeatedly encouraged me to publish a full account of everything that happened but I know how the Internet works and I don't want other trans women to be harmed in the ways that I have been harmed.

[a-aexotic]

✫𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆, i can see you.

✫ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 cursing, mention of partying, lecturting, sarcasm ✫ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 hey guys! i hope you enjoyed the prologue. please show your love by liking and/or reblonging, they are very much appreciated. i am so beyond excited for this series and hopefully i meet my deadline lol. everything will be complete as of october 1st, 2023! ✫ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 (send an ask or comment to be added!) main masterlist. gilmore girls masterlist. playlist.

Manhattan was the type of city where you either love it, or hate. There is no in-between and depending on if you love or hate it, describes who you are as a person.

Y/N Cromwell loved Manhattan. She was as classy and sophisticated as they come, she doesn't own anything that wasn't designer or specially made for her. I mean, if you lived like that, you would sure as hell love it as well.

Y/N lived her life to the fullest, taking YOLO a little too seriously. Her mother, Nancy Cromwell, is a world-renowned fashion designer and she is never home. And when she is home, she is usually tucked in her office, away from the world and her daughter. But, she learned to adapt without her mother and she was slightly okay with her not being around as much as she used to.

Filling her closet with expensive purses and even more expensive perfumes, she lived like royalty. Her mother never set financial boundaries for her, so she spent as much as she wanted. She usually got away with everything. Key-word being, usually.

Y/N sat at the edge of her huge bed, tuning out the lecture she was getting from her mother. She tried to listen and nod but it wasn't an easy task to do for more than 5 minutes.

"—an irresponsible girl! I am tired of it, Y/N. Always going out with those girls, not playing attention in class or-"

That was where she stopped and corrected her. "I do play attention mom, how else would I have a 4.0?"

Her mom stopped her lecture and sighed, rubbing her temple frustratedly. "Is that the only thing you got from my whole talk?"

She sat up with a bright grin. "Well I'm not gonna let you sit here and lecture me about something that I hadn't done. I do pay attention."

"This isn't about school-"

"Then don't bring it up." Y/N said simply, smiling at her mother's vexed expression.

"Listen, Y/N, one more mess-up and you're done I'll send you to live with your father in Connecticut."

Y/N had no reaction whatsoever to the meaningless threat. Her mother always throwing that threat left and right, there was no way she'd actually go through with it.

Y/N feigned understanding and her mother sighed with a nod. "Got it, young lady?"

"Got it, ma'am." She mocked slightly before her mom finally gave up, walking out of her room. That was when Y/N finally let out an agitated groan, before taking out her flip-phone and clicked her friend's contact.

It rang before it finally picked up. "Hey, honey!"

"Are we going to Daniel's party or what?"

"I thought you were grounded, Y/N/N."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "That's not stopping me, Lindsay. We going or what?"

The black Prada glasses and sour expression sitting on Y/N's expression was very telling. She was either hungover or high right now—but unfortunately for her, she was neither at the moment. She was sitting in Hartford Airport waiting for her father's, now late, arrival.

Her mother's words kept replaying in her head. "One mistake in Connecticut and I'm sending you the Netherlands. And no, not the cities—the countryside." That alone sent shivers down her spine, having to live without electricity and texting. How can anything be worse than that?

Y/N had to get her act up. If she didn't, she would have to live among cows and pigs. She decided she was going to try her best to sell the 'good girl' act to everyone, whether they believed it or not.

She finally sees a familar face walking up to her. She let out one last annoyed groan silently before getting up and putting on her best smile. "Daddy!"

Her father immediately grinned, opening up his arms to give his finest bear hugs. "Sweetheart, how've you been?" He immediately paused. "That's, uh not a good question. Nevermind. How are you dealing with everything?"

He knew how dramatic his daughter could be. She loved New York and getting sent away would surely spark some anger in her and he did not want to be on the receiving end of it.

Y/N slid up her sunglasses to face her father. "I'm doing well. I think this is good." God, this sounded unnatural and wrong. She wasn't happy and she sure has hell doesn't think this will be any good for her. "To be away from the City will some good for me, being around my old... friends will surely make me feel better."

Her father looked surprised at her somewhat mature response. "Wow, well I'm glad that's how you're viewing this experience. Good for you, Y/N. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, dad. I really am trying, I'm glad you see that." Another lie. She almost felt bad for deceiving her father.

Well, that was until she got home. As they pulled in the house—it was exactly how they left it. Her father usually spends the summers with her in Manhattan so she hasn't seen this house in almost two years. It brought back so many memories. But she couldn't sit on the nostalgia because it quickly flooded away as she was struck with confusion. There was a slightly familiar woman standing outside the home, waiting for their arrival.

"Who's that?" Y/N sat up a little straighter in the passenger seat, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Well, uh honey I've been waiting for a right time to tell you this..." Her father swiftly put the car parked in driveway, turning face to face with Y/N. "I'm—well, we... we're engaged."

"Who’s we?" I asked I look outside the window to the mysterious woman standing on the porch.

Her father paused as his expression changed from excited to slightly agitated. "Your mom hadn't mentioned me dating Kristian?"

"You hadn't mentioned it either." You swallowed nervously. Her father was dating (and now engaged) to someone she'd never heard about from neither of them. She felt a little dread because she suddenly felt out of the loop.

Her father sighed. "Let's talk inside, honey."

Her father got her luggage and the lady greeted her politely and she did the same. At this point the only facts she knew was A. her name was Kristan, B. she looks a little familiar, and C. she's blonde.

As her father put her stuff back up in her old bedroom, they both sat in the living room awkwardly waiting for her father's arrival. He finally walked down the stairs and sat next to Kristan, putting an arm over her shoulder. Wow, he's really serious about her.

"So..." Y/N started the conversation. "You're engaged."

He cleared his throat. "Me and Kristan have been engaged about two months now and we've been dating a year and a half." And he somehow failed to mention anyone when he called or visited.

Y/N kept her slight disappointment to a minimum as she nodded politely. He seemed genuine about her and she knew she'd be an even more terrible daughter if she started a fit. He was happy and that's all that matters... at least that was what she was trying to convince herself.

Y/N got up from the couch and cleared her throat, putting on her pageant queen smile. "I'm, uh Y/N Cromwell."

Kristan laughed softly before doing the same while extending a hand. "I know that, sweetie. I'm Kristan Dugray, pleased to meet you."

Dugray... Dugray... Where had she heard that name before? Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she thought until her question was finally answered.

The front door opened suddenly and she whipped her head to make eye contact with... Tristan Dugray? Oh, so that's where she's heard that name!

Y/N couldn't control as her mouth flew open. She also couldn't control the words that came out of her mouth as she saw him. "Oh, you've gotta be shitting me."

[deerspherestudios]

Hi! I played your game and really, really like it, I am a huge fan of slow burn - combined with Yandere too? That's kinda rare nowadays, haha. Thanks for making it and creating Mychael, I love his design. Two questions: How many days are planned to be playable in the full release?

And

Since in just one day Mychael feels very friendly towards us (according to a post you made with where his feelings are based on a meter) does that mean he's very clingy??? Like, in just one day he feels like our friend. What little effort and words will it take for him to go from crush, to love, to whatever yandere thing he might be??? Like, is he okay??? Should I be worried???

This guy? Clingy? Nahhh. Nothing to worry about, anon :-) 🍄❤️

As for the game, long (!!!) answer below cut: might be spoiler-y might be not.

For context, here's the post mentioned above.

I'm still not sure how many days it will be, but it's definitely ranging between 4-5 days. Granted it'll be a while before the game is finished finished but I think progress will pick up as I complete assets that will be reused. I'm writing Days 2, 3 and 4 simultaneously (anyone who writes can probably relate to wanting a specific thing to happen in the story but dread writing up to it, so I skip around in order to keep my motivation and interest up)

As for relationship progression, slow burn usually means a long time passes before anything develops. But this is a VN and I'm a solo part-time dev so the scope still has to be small 😔 That said!

Mychael, as a person, is quite solitary in nature; he likes being alone and you'll find out why. He does however desire company and he's only realized just how pleasant having someone around can be (hence his reaction for the Bad Endings in Day 1 if you wish to leave/run away)

Although I'm not a fan of the 'you do one (1) nice thing any decent person would do and yandere is already head-over-heels for you' trope, I do have to make use of it but, drip-feed style? You grow closer to Mychael as you hang out with him and do little things that he appreciates. (Honestly I just realized I'm describing the typical visual novel experience just without the yandere beginning-- go! figure!!! /lh)

Example: the first thing that boosts you to immediate friend status is your willingness to accept his physical looks, something that's never happened to him before. (I know my artstyle makes him a yassified pretty boy but imagine genuinely meeting a sentient creature in real life with patchy green skin, a dextrous tail and four blinking pitch black eyes, I think I'd freak too haha) Little things like that mean a lot to him and motivates him to prolong your stay.

In a way, the MC is written to be more kinder and open-minded (at least outside of Bad Ends) than the sweet/sour personalities that come in a VN, so (for narrative AND coding purposes) I can't really diversify it much. I hope that's okay ¯\_(; v ; )_/¯ If Mychael met a more grouchy/mean MC on Day 1 he'd probably not be as attached. He'd just save you, feed you and send you home when you ask hahaha. Of course this will change as he gets to know you better, at that stage he'll be willing to overlook your flaws like any upstanding yandere

Phew this was a lot to dump in an ask but I did wanna explain my vision for the game! I enjoy yandere VNs as an escape fantasy, but it's common they start out with the yan already being invested in you or fall for you too fast!!! if that makes sense. I'm interested in yanderes in the aspect of how love (romantic or otherwise) starts from innocent affection and spirals into dark obsession!!! It's also compelling as to why a character is so devoted to someone, in this situation the MC, and I wanna write the kind of person Mychael would fall for. And personally 'love-at-first-sight' as a reason just doesn't do it for me 💔

(Disclaimer!!! I'm not saying my game is any more original or better than the other wonderful yan VNs in the works, but hopefully with Mychael as a character I can deliver that 'slow-burn-and-yearn' storyline I'd like it to be. As my itchio profile says: I make games I thirst for in secret but are sadly lacking around the internet 💔 )

Thank you for the ask!! :-D

[genderqueerdykes]

I really really appreciate the posts about fat acceptance and stuff. I used to be pretty underweight but I've definitely gained weight (and muscle too I'm sure) on HRT, the way it sits/distrubuted on me is something that is hard to see sometimes and there's a lot of parental commentary about fat people that needs to be worked on.

hey, you're welcome! i'm glad you agree

gaining weight isn't always bad, in fact for many people, it can be an outright blessing. people can have a wide variety of conditions that can lead them to being chronically underweight, and putting on even a few pounds was seen as a huge accomplishment and a safety net. my best friend is this way

even if it's not required for one's health, putting on weight isn't inherently bad. every person's body has a range in which it attempts to naturally sit for their baseline weight. this will vary greatly from person to person based off of activity levels, hormone levels, genetics, individual dietary needs vs. dietary intake, digestive issues, eating disorders, allergies, food intolerance, neurodivergence, developmental disorders, and more.

the way i see it is it becomes very obvious to a person when their weight has actually come to negatively affect them. this will be marked in a decline in energy, feeling fatigued and malaise most of the time, headaches, difficulty getting out of bed, increased chronic pain including pain while standing or walking, breathing difficulties, difficulty walking/moving long distances for reasons not due to joint or connective tissue health, becoming pre/diabetic suddenly if one was not before, and/or other health complications that were not present before the amount of weight was gained

most fat, chubby, etc. people are sitting well within the healthy range for their body without realizing it. our bodies are great at telling us what they need it's just hard to listen when we're busy, exhausted, and/or neurodivergent. many people have a good idea of what their body needs but get talked or shamed out of doing what's right for them. parents, like you said, are especially uptight and strict about weight for seemingly no reason.

i've always been fat my whole life. once i reached my teen years i began to hover around the 300 lb range and that's where i've always been. my mom was fat and so was my dad, and both of their families. my mom projected so much of her fatphobia on to me it was unreal. she would critcize me any time i wanted a snack by asking "you're eating again?" and other dumb shit. children are growing and active, they need a lot of food, especially for good brain function (yes, our brains need fuel, revolutionary concept, i know)

i don't understand why parents desperately NEED their children to be physically attractive to them. can we talk about this? i know it's uncomfortable but this is a huge parental issue. i am SO tired of hearing parents go ON AND ON about how "beautiful" or "handsome" their children are. it's extremely creepy, there's no reason to focus on their appearance like that. some parents become SO distressed when their children are not conventionally attractive, as if it makes them less attractive by proxy. it's insanely creepy. a child's conventional beauty or lack there of should be of no concern to a parent- why do some parents obsess over this? it gives the child severe body image issues and it's not a good level of vanity to project on to a kid

anyway, it's okay to be fat, especially if you find you're not struggling with pain or mobility. some people will have pain and mobility issues no matter what weight they're at. everyone's different. someone's weight is their own concern and nobody else's, unless there is medical significance in which case it is between them and their medical team. not every fat person has health issues due to their weight, in fact, most do not. it's okay to let your body be the weight it wants to be

nobody should have to constantly feel like they have to be fighting their own biology just to look "more attractive". people are attractive when they look the most like their real, natural selves. it's way more flattering and it's better for the individual. don't expect other people to go through hell just to look "good". just let people be themselves. let people feel good, and feel good about themselves. worry about yourselves when it comes to appearance

anyway, thank you for the feedback, i really appreciate it! i will always be here for other fat folk because i've gone through many interesting situations with diet and health and my weight always sits around the 300 mark give or take 20 lbs in either direction. my lowest weight as an adult was 260 lbs. my highest was 360. muscle tissue plays a huge factor in this right now for me. i have clothes in my closet that range from literally Small all the way up to XXXL and they all fit me just fine. weight isn't as big of a deal as people think it is, it's a very neutral thing most of the time

[forever-rogue]

Hello there Bee, your writing for Miguel O'Hara was perfect, thank you so much for it 🫂

I was wondering if you could do one where he's so deeply in love with her but doesn't want to tell her because he's afraid of being rejected, he wants to protect her so they always go to missions together until one day she gets hurt and because he's afraid of loosing her, he finally tells her how he's been feeling for a long time

Thank you so much c:

AN | It’s been a minute but here we are with some more grumpy x sunshine! I hope you enjoy 🥰

Warnings | Nondescript mentions of violence, Language

Pairing | Miguel x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | Main, Spider-Man

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Inhale. Exhale.

That's what you kept repeating to yourself as you approached the front doors to the Spider Headquarters. Your heart beat around your chest but you tried to push away all your worries and insecurities.

Well - the one major worry you had anyway. Most things didn't scare you anymore, you were well past that point in your life. It was one singular person that made you nervous. Miguel O'Hara. 

The man that appeared to hate you more than anything or anyone else. You weren't even sure what you had done to bring on the hatred but it had appeared slowly at first and then all at once. Now you just tried to avoid him as much as you could, but in the event that you were faced with him, you tried to be as kind as possible. There was no reason to be mean, right? You hoped that one day Miguel might get that memo as well.

When you got inside, you looked around and tried to see if anything seemed out of place or…if there was some sort of chaos. But it all seemed utterly normal so you walked towards your little desk area. 

"Hey there!" You startled at the sound of Peter's bright and happy voice, spinning around in your chair to find him watching you with an overly cheery smile, "how're you today?"

"I'm just peachy, Pete. What's going on?" The man's face flushed and you knew immediately that something was going on. He was so easy to read despite his best efforts.

"Umm…well," he waved his hands around for a moment, stammering nervous as you just stared at him, "well, I don't…your day might get worse."

"Oh?" You leaned back in your chair as you raised an eyebrow at him, "and just why is that? What do you know that I don't?"

"You're supposed to be partnered with…Miguel today," he said it so quickly that you almost didn't catch it. But the name stood out so clearly that you were immediately able to figure out what was going on, "just so you know, you know?"

"How do you know that?"

"Word spreads fast around here," he volunteered lamely, as you sighed at him, "and ugh, it might be my fault."

"What?!" He was afraid of exactly this reaction and flinched slightly, "Peter - why?"

"I have to be home today," he cleared his throat, "big family thing with MJ and Mayday. So…you know."

"Fine," you pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration, "fine. Only because I love your wife and daughter as much if not more than you."

"I am so sorry," he grimaced, "I'll make it up to you somehow."

"It's…it's fine," you swallowed the lump in your throat. It did suck…but you'd live and would just be as kind as usual. And it would be over before you knew it, "this is going to be…fantastic."

“Just don’t kill each other and it should all be fine,” Peter kept taking a few steps back, creating a further distance between the two of you, “and then we can all resume our normal programming next week!”

“I don’t hate him,” your voice softened as a frown tugged down the corners of your mouth. You truly didn’t hate him and you hated the idea that people would think you did. You always tried to treat everyone with the same kindness and you were known for being a ray of sunshine, “I think… I think he might hate me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Peter shrugged slightly as you sighed lightly, “he’s just that way with everyone. He’s a huge douche, you know that.”

“As much as I appreciate your opinions Parker,” both of you froze at the sound of his voice. He sounded just as annoyed and frustrated as ever, “I believe you were supposed to leave already to get back to your wife and daughter, no?”

“Uhh, yup…that’s…gotta go!” he looked between the two of you before offering you a small grimace and turning to basically sprint away. You bit the inside of your cheek before turning your attention to the man in question. 

“Miguel, I-”

“Get suited up,” he didn’t even spare you an actual glance. He merely caught your eye before turning around to leave again, “we’re leaving in twenty. We’ve got a job to do.”

“Miguel.”

“Don’t be late,” he was already walking away again and all you could do was sigh, “or I will leave with you.”

Yeah, okay, cool, cool, cool. This apparently was going to be the absolute worst; part of you was almost tempted to be late just so you wouldn’t have to go. You weren’t feeling very welcome but at the same time, your duties were important and you weren’t about to let him go alone. 

“Well then,” you attempted to psych yourself up, “let’s do this…and get it over with.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Miguel had been silent, to the point of it being almost eerie, besides giving you some instructions and directions. You'd tried to make some small talk at the start but the only responses you received were grunts or scoffs. It had definitely deflated your mood and after a while you gave up and remained silent.

"Hey," Miguel waved his hand in front of your face as you snapped back into attention. You hadn't realized you'd spaced out so much, "are you even paying attention?"

"Y-yeah…yes," you offered him a tight smile as he hung his head with a heavy sigh, "sorry. Could you just run that by me again?"

"I need you to focus," he caught your eye and there was a dangerous glint to him that caused you to swallow thickly, "otherwise I'll send you right back and this is the last time you'll get to go on a mission."

"That's not fair!" You hadn't meant to sound like a petulant child, but at least you hadn't also stomped your foot. His jaw twitched as he glared at you, "you've never said that to anyone-"

"Morales."

"He's a child," you ran a hand through your hair in exasperation, "this isn't fair, Miguel and you know that. Why do you hate me so much?"

If you'd been looking at his face you'd have noticed the way his face fell momentarily. You swallowed the lump in your throat and tried to control the squeaking and stop the tears that threatened to well up.

"You're also so mean to me!" Alright. Maybe you were already sounding hysterical but it was a lot of emotions at once, "its always me! I try to be nice, Miguel. I don't like not being nice, it's just…not in my nature. But you make it so hard. A-and I'm not asking for anything spectacular, just a hello once a while or at least don't totally ignore me when I'm talking to you!"

“Are you finished?” his tone was the same as it always was: cold and calm and calculated. You tried to blink away the burning of your eyes. 

“No,” you put your hands on your hips and stared him down, “if you’re going to be mean to me or act like I’m the worst thing in the world, can you at least tell me what I did to offend you so much? I mean - why even have me working with you and the rest of the team if you don’t trust me or think I’m worthy of being here! If I’m such a horrible person, just cut me loose and let me go so you never have to see me again!”

By the time you were done, angry tears had run down your cheeks which you hastily brushed away. You felt like you had just put your heart and feelings on the line and he didn’t seem phased. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow before sighing heavily, “if you’re done, we’ve got some bad guys to catch.”

“Y-you’re not even going to say anything to what I just said?” your lip trembled with effort not to cry further. He’d already turned his back to you and started to walk away. Only this time, you didn’t run after him to catch up, “fine! You know what? I quit! Do this yourself!”

You didn’t even wait for a response before turning on your heel and walking in the other direction. You were already out of sight by the time Miguel turned around and realized that you’d been serious. He ran a hand over his face in exasperation before stomping after you, muttering under his breath. He hadn’t wanted this at all; especially because this meant that he couldn’t keep any eye on you.

“Hey!” you’d been walking around for a bit when you finally heard the angry voice. Your shoulders stiffened when you realized that Miguel had found you. Instead of giving him the satisfaction of falling back to him, you kept walking with your head held high. But then you felt a harsh hand wrap your bicep and pull you back. 

“What the f-”

“Finally,” oh. That voice definitely wasn’t Miguel. You slowly turned around and found yourself with…well, the bad guy. He looked at you with a wicked smile that caused goosebumps to well up all over your skin, “I’ve been looking for you, little Spider. Only I was hoping you’d be with that big, dumb guy.”

“Listen buddy,” you tried to pull out of his iron grasp to no avail, “I’m already having a shitty day and I don’t need you making it worse. The big dumb guy isn’t around, it’s just me unfortunately. And I recommend you let me go before I make you regret your decision.”

“You’re so funny,” he leaned closer so he was almost face to face with you. He smelled terrible and looked even worse; the worst realization of all was that he was a murderer…and you were alone with him, “you really think you could stop me all by yourself? So cute.”

He reached out and ran his hand along your jaw, instantly making you feel disgusting and gross. Your heart started beating rapidly and you willed yourself to regain your muster and strength. It should have been so easy to overpower him, but he was surprisingly strong. That was one of the worst things about dealing with other powered beings…someone always had the upper hand. 

“Let me go,” you hissed through gritted teeth.

“Why don’t we make a deal?” he took your jaw harshly in his hand turned your face to his, “help me catch Miguel O’Hara and I’ll let you go.”

“Nope,” you might not have been in the Miguel fanclub at this point but you weren’t about to betray him or put anyone else at risk. You figured that the longer you were able to stall, it might give Miguel more time to get to you and take him. You’d never hear the end of it, but it was better than nothing, “sorry buddy.”

“Bitch!” he let go and pushed you back before striking you across the face, causing you to stumble and trip over your feet. You feel onto your backside with a groan before touching your stinging face, “it could have been so easy! We both want the same thing - to get rid of the Spider!”

“I don’t want to get rid of him,” you tried to scramble to your feet as he loomed over you but your hope was quickly starting to dissipate, “he-he’s fine! The only person I want to get rid of you is you!”

“Too bad,” he cackled before shrugging his shoulders, “I hate to break the news to you, but you’re not getting rid of me. I’ll be getting rid of you…and eventually that big idiot will come looking for you and then I’ll have him too. A two or one deal - can you imagine? What a dream!”

“Hate to break it to you,” your hands before getting scraped up as you tried to pull yourself out of his reach, “but he’s not going to come looking for me. He doesn’t care that much.”

“Don’t kid yourself,” you couldn’t hold back the scream that escaped your lips as he stepped on your ankle and crushed it under his boot, “you’re a pretty face, that’s enough for most men to come running. It’s almost a shame to kill you but-”

The next thing you heard was a sickening crack before the pressure on your ankle was gone. You opened your eyes and looked around the alley, only to find your would-be murderer on the ground and bleeding. A choked up sound escaped your lips as you looked up to find Miguel standing over you.

You prepared yourself for him to begin yelling but, to your immense surprise, it never came. Instead you watched dumbly as he bent down and scooped into your arms and stood back up with you clutched to his chest.

He studied you for a moment before tenderly wiping away the little bit of blood that had trickled down from the corner of your mouth. You had never realized that he could actually have such a gente touch. 

For a few moments he walked in silence before letting a heavy sigh and shaking his head, “I don’t hate you. I never did.”

Your brow furrowed in surprise but you remained silent. Your head felt foggy and you weren’t sure you wanted to push anything just yet. All you wanted to do was go home and get some rest. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A few days had passed since the incident with Miguel and you felt well recovered, except for the faint bruising that remained on your face. Really, though, that was the least of your worries. Ever since then, you’d been trying your best to avoid Miguel, while continuing to be surprised that he hadn’t booted you from the team yet.

“Hey,” you froze at the sound of his voice and turned around to find Miguel standing at the edge of your cubicle space. You swallowed thickly before squeaking out a response that made you cringe internally, “can we talk?”

“Umm…yes?” you looked at him and waited for him to make the next move. He turned and motioned for you to follow him. It felt like some sort of walk of shame as you trailed after him like a puppy. He didn’t stop, ignoring the whispers and titters from the other Spider-People as he beelined for his office. You kept your gaze trained on your feet and almost ran into him when he suddenly stopped, “oof.”

“Sorry,” you’d never heard him apologize before. Odd. He closed the door behind and leaned against it, “listen, I think we need to clear some things up.”

“We do?”

“Mhmm,” this time he found it difficult to look in your eyes as you hopped up and sat at the edge of his desk, swinging your legs, “I just…I don’t want you to think that I hate you know or ever hated you. It’s never been like that.”

“Could have fooled me,” you shrugged slightly, already having made peace with his dislike of you. 

“I know, I…fuck,” he ran a hand over his face in exasperation, “It was supposed to be easier this way.”

“What way?”

“If you hated me,” he finally managed to get out as you blinked at him owlishly, “then it would have made it easier for him to keep my distance.”

“But I don’t hate you,” you shook your head, “I don’t hate anyone…and I could never hate you.”

“Even now?” he chuckled harshly, “when you definitely should?”

“Even now,” you confirmed you heard his small exhale of relief, “now I just…I guess I’m just confused as to how you do feel about me.”

“When you left me and I couldn’t find you and then…when you’d been hurt…I thought…” he trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. You let his words sink in and tried to process the meaning behind him, “I didn’t know what I would do if anything had happened to you. All I could think about was beating that bastard to a bloody pulp.”

“Oh,” the gears were definitely turning as you came closer and closer to your conclusion. And then it hit you all at once and your entire face turned warm. You looked over at Miguel and could see that his cheeks were a darkened pink, “oh.”

“Umm…yeah,” he scratched at the back of his neck nervously before nodding slightly, “I just never know what to do or say. I-I’ve never been good with words. Keeping people at a distance makes things easier. If there’s no attachment then there’s no room or heartbreak.”

“I understand that,” you agreed softly, “but that’s no way to live.”

“I’m starting to see that,” he allowed himself to meet your eye and the two of you exchanged shy smiles, “so I guess I just wanted to say sorry.”

“Is that all you wanted to say?” you felt a little bolder now, nerves buzzing with everyone he had said and things that were left unspoken.

“No,” he agreed, “but it’s a good starting point, I think.”

“Yeah,” you nodded softly, “I think so too.”

“Cool,” he ran a hand through his hair nervously, “cool. Listen, I…want to do this right. So can I umm, do you want to-”

“Yes,” you slid off the desk and almost skipped over to him, “I’d love to.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

[tigreblvnc]

YOUR LIFE IN BLUE LOCK — @nikonautic

BACKGROUND HEADCANONS;

♤ As a kid you had good academics, i’d assume your parents put much care into your activities.

♤ So naturally, selecting a sport/extracurricular was expected as well. Soccer was pushed on to you, but you weren’t against it as you were able to use your creativity in a more physical manner than usual.

♤ Eventually you were scouted by Ego, since he caught on to your desire to make an impact, and wanted to see just how hard you’d work for it.

♤ His answer is a lot.

♤ In bluelock, you met a few people who you connected with. And knew that there’d be more along the line. If there was any place where you could meet people who you felt most comfortable with, it’d be in bluelock.

♤ So you endured and adapted through everything they put you through.

♤ And it paid off!

COLOR AURA;

♤ Yellow.

♤ A nice dandelion yellow

♤ A perfect mix of your socialness, weirdness, and ideals.

♤ You want a color that’ll leave an impact? Can’t think of anything better. The brightness of yellow is often used to balance out other parts, and can often do so on its own, without relying on other colors.

♤ Yellow looks amazing in so many palettes. It can work in many situations, even ones you think it may not look good in. But if you darken or dim it too much, it becomes much harder to appreciate.

♤ Because of that, for yellow to look its best, it must be used in usually similar tints and tones as its surroundings. As long as there aren’t too many mismatches within an environment, yellow can always pop out and support the picture in the best way.

TEAM SELECTION;

♤ Bastard München

♤ With understanding being one of your main strengths, it makes sense that you can quickly gather the details of a situation.

♤ Whether it be emotional or logistical details, both help you understand the whole situation on the field

♤ No one on BM handles failure well, there you’ll be fighting with people with the same underlying fear of losing. Although things may vary between you guys, that will remain the same.

♤ Emotions aren’t something you have to worry about either. BM is the last team to judge you for getting overly intense on field, it seems to be the case with everyone.

♤ The lead players on BM all have incredibly strong goals, and will put almost anything on the line to achieve them, spectacular plays are the expectation.

♤ This I feel you would link into very quickly.

BEST FRIEND;

✦ What a magnificent duo, Niko :)

✦ I'm not only talking about your BFF… but about your overall dynamic, not just with your BFF but with your rival as well.

✦ Not to mention your position on the field.

✦ (Although, I am going to talk about it.)

✦ I think Isagi is perfect for supporting you in your desire to grow and affirm yourself through your successes. It's a strong trait that stands out in your entire description: you seek recognition for who you are through your achievements.

✦ Isagi is very skilled at analyzing and understanding every type of player, as we've seen multiple times in the manga.

✦ And I believe he quickly grasped your intentions, how you play, and why you play that way.

✦ We also know he's someone who performs better in a tandem than alone. I'm convinced that with you, he forms a formidable duo on the field.

✦ He not only helps you achieve your goals but also makes an excellent companion in your growth. It's entirely mutual, as he also learns from your game and personality.

✦ In short, one of the healthiest duos in the lore.

RIVAL;

✦ I didn't choose your rival by chance.

✦ I find that Kaiser is one of those characters who craves recognition more than almost anyone else in the Blue Lock cast.

✦ There's a huge identity quest behind why he plays. He seeks to define himself through his achievements, through his victories. He's someone who wants to be acknowledged for what he can accomplish on the field.

✦ And like you, he has doubted himself a lot. His self-esteem is complex, even damaged by his past. These are things he hides, trying to repair through everything he's building in the present.

✦ Seeing someone else on the field, motivated by similar intentions, could hit him like a lightning bolt.

✦ Understanding someone's intentions because you share them doesn't make that person a friend. This can even spark a rivalry, as a form of ego establishes itself: "It'll be me, and me alone."

✦ At the same time, I also think you’re both capable of recognizing each other's worth. You just don't openly admit it. On the contrary, I even think you tend to hold back from each other in public.

✦ But I know that in private, you both acknowledge that you have a formidable opponent who can teach you, even indirectly, how to surpass yourselves. How to turn weaknesses into strengths.

POSITION ON THE FIELD;

✦ Striker.

✦ The first striker of this matchup series :D Pleased to meet you. 🤝

✦ It's not a position for everyone: it requires boldness, courage, and an initiative that not everyone has.

✦ This position further amplifies the dynamic between you, Isagi, and Kaiser.

✦ You become the eye of the storm during the tense moments of the match.

✦ On one hand, you're supported by Isagi. On the other, you know that the threat of a Kaiser pushed to his limits could cost you the victory.

✦ In this particularly stimulating environment, you can give your best, highlight your qualities, and challenge the greatest opponents.

✦ The emergence of Niko in front of the whole world :)

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | OCTOBER '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[justagalwhowrites]

Some insight

Hi Besties!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week and that life is treating you well! I'm going to stash the rest below the cut because it's just some of me kind of blathering about my life for a bit and how that might impact posting and I feel like it's just awkward and long and I don't want to make anyone feel like they need to read it? I dunno. I love you though!

Hi again! I wanted to let folks know that, because of some big changes in my work life, I might be posting less for a bit.

I'm trying to get my life into balance but it's hard. They've started a new cadence of in person work at my office and I have a long commute (which I didn't really factor in when I got this job 3+ years ago because they said we'd likely only ever be in one day a week at most in the future and now I need to be in the city an hour away at 8:30 a.m. three days a week.) I really should not complain, I know there are plenty of people who work harder jobs for less money that are always in person BUT it's already been a huge hit to my quality of life. Just trying to get through laundry this week is stressing me out. Normally, I do it in the middle of my work day because I can move the wash around between meetings and then put it all away at the end of the day or the next day during lunch. I've now been doing laundry since Monday. I hate it. I'm tired all the time, I'm emotionally exhausted because - while I am a corporate girlie - I work in comms and PR, so there's definitely a certain expectation for attitude and how I present myself. I get home from work and I'm just burnt out and I feel like I have no time. On top of that, I'm getting less quality time with my husband (we used to have lunch together most days during the week since he's fully remote) and my office is very "modern" AKA no privacy, so I don't really feel comfortable writing there, taking away the break time I used to use to put some words down.

I'm hoping that I'll find a groove (or another job that lets me be fully remote) sooner rather than later and I can settle into what life looks like for me now and I'll stop being so drained and just frustrated at the end of the day.

Ultimately, I'm HOPING I can find a posting schedule that works for my two ongoing fics where I publish a chapter of each every week and maybe a drabble or one shot here and there, too? But it may need to be only one chapter a week going up or who knows.

I'm not sure yet. I'm just tired. And I have to get up and do this again in the morning and I'm genuinely dreading it.

But I am working on a few things. I'm hoping I can get something up on Friday and something else this weekend.

I'm sorry for not being more consistent, especially lately but also just in general not keeping pace with where I was at like a year ago when I was writing Lavender and Beskar Doll. I appreciate you still being here.

Love you ❤️ very very much!

[witchwrestler]

'THE PUNK SINGER' (PART II)

"AFTERMATH"

part I

wc: 1.2k

warning(s): cursing, mention of rehab, jail

summary: The one person you thought would be across the country---turns out to be right there. Once buried feelings are found dug up, or maybe they were never buried, just hidden.

a/n: I am so proud of this series so far, and having a great time writing it. Get ready for this to be the slowest of slow build ups (sorry). if there's punctuation errors..shh i suck at checking for them. I really hope you enjoy this part, there's more to come. any interaction is greatly appreciated, thanks for reading!!!!!

"Your pride has built a wall

So strong that I can't get through "

● ● ●

"Hello?" Eddie's voice said, tired and raspy on the other line. You froze. Usually you didn't freeze, you always had something to say. But something about his voice made your muscles tense up. You took one last deep breathe and spoke.

"Hi." there was a long pause between the two of you before you broke the silence. "I'm in Boston. I got arrested. You were the only person I could think to call. I don't even know why, I just needed to call somebody." You explained, your eyes looking up at the ceiling, trying to pretend like this wasn't real.

"Who--...oh." He said, realizing who was on the other end of the phone. "Are you ok?" Eddie said, his voice sweet as honey, like nothing ever happened.

"I'm ok."

"Good. Just..uhm, hang tight. ok?" He said, sighing between words. Then before you knew it, the dial tone sounded once more.

● ● ●

The last time you spoke to eddie, you were couch surfing, selling diy cassettes at your bands tiny-venue concerts. Now you had a top floor apartment in the city. It wasn't huge, but you were finally stable. You self produced and released the bands breakthrough album, "dehuman" affectionately called by rolling stone, "yowling and moronic". Though rolling stone was quite opinionated, the album did well. It was well received in the punk scene, and at least 400 copies sold in record stores in the year it'd been out. People liked it enough that you had been consistently opening for bands. Currently, you had just finished a tour opening for sonic youth. The band had made a name for itself, no longer did people know you as "Corroded Coffin singers ex girlfriend".

● ● ●

He had tried to run after you that night. Not that it would've changed anything, your pride was too important to you to forgive him that easy. And he knew it. But he still tried.

After running two blocks and finding you standing on a corner, he caught his breathe and tried to mend what he'd broken. "please. please talk to me. It can't end like this. I didn't mean it like that" He pleaded. "Ok well then how did you mean it, eddie? because it sure as hell fucking sounded like you had just been waiting to tell me how bad I am at my job"

He paused, catching his breath. "No that's---shit. I was drunk, I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry!" You stopped walking for a moment and said, scowling "well then start fucking thinking eddie." You didn't care that he was drunk, you cared that he thoughtlessly told you nobody would ever want to sign your band. Your band was your life, it was your job. And in your mind he had just chucked your life and job into the trash bin.

You turned around and walked another block to your place. Unknowingly leaving eddie stood where you left him, feeling like a grade-A fucking loser.

You admit it now that you felt a little bit bad leaving it like that. But he was clearly much more focused on taking his band to the next level, and leaving him behind felt right in the moment.

● ● ●

It's all everybody ever wanted to talk about, "Eddie Munson's messy breakup with up and coming punk rocker" and "Corroded Coffin star in rehab----Punk rocker girlfriend breaks it off" Claiming "insider sources" told them all the details and painting you the villain because it was easy to blame you and your loudness.

The more articles you read speculating why the relationship ended, the more you wished they knew that the two of you just had to go your separate ways. It was messy, but his band was gaining rapid popularity. You were moving in place, you needed room to grow. Maybe it was a jab to your pride when it ended. But as time went on you had no ill feelings toward him. And if you knew anything about love, it was a complicated entity, and sometimes it found its way back to you in really fucking weird ways.

Eddie never spoke a bad word about you in interviews, when he heard your music he turned it up, and when your album came out he bought it. He was always your biggest supporter, but that night he was drunk and mean. And he wished every day that he could take it back, but all he could do was move forward. So he got sober, and he moved forward in the only way he knew how. With music.

The phone call shocked him awake at 2 in the morning, the last leg of tour coming to a close, coincidentally in Boston. He stretched and yawned before he answered, at first, he didn't recognize the voice. But your voice wasn't that easy to forget, it stuck in his brain like his favorite song. He wanted to be angry, that this is how you talk to him again. But he couldn't find it in him. If he was being honest with himself, even if he wasn't in Boston he would have found a way to get you. He wouldn't leave you like that, he couldn't.

● ● ●

The stations fluorescent lighting flickered and hummed as you lay on the bench in the holding cell. You still hadn't fully processed what "hang tight" meant. You weren't really expecting anything, you just needed to tell someone. Your mom would have answered with "What'd you do this time?". The band was probably too drunk to care. At least somebody knew that asshole didn't kill you.

You'd mostly convinced yourself that he hated you. Y'know with ignoring all his calls for two years, even when he was in rehab. You were never good with goodbyes, it always ended awkwardly. Most often, it ended in you avoiding them completely. Which is exactly what you did to eddie. And instead of regretting it you just attempted to forget, even when you knew you didn't want to. You called him once, but you couldn't seem to talk. The two of you just stood in silence for ten minutes until you finally put you both out of the respective misery and hung up. You tried writing notes, which you still had. Every time something exciting would happen you'd document it in a note to eddie, but you'd never send them. No, you were far too stubborn.

Your thighs stuck to the cold metal of the bench you laid on, peeling like a bandaid when you moved. You sat up and the officer was unlocking the holding cell, giving you a sour look. You didn't blame him. You socked him a mere two hours ago. His nose was crooked. "Someone posted your bail, you're free to go"

You gave the officer a nod and thanked him sarcastically as you slowly stepped out of the cell. And then there he was.

His hair seemed to be better kept. He looked exactly the same aside from the fact that in place of his ripped black jeans he was wearing gray sweats, but the band tee and battle vest remained. Like glue.

"Long time no see, munson."

He chuckled, shaking his head as if in doubt.

"Yeah, Long time no see."

He pauses, thinking to himself that even though after 2 years, the butterflies in his stomach still persisted.

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JANUARY DEV LOG : "LOG 1, WOOHOO!"

Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, or are just stopping by, let me introduce you to this post to really set the tone.

For 2024, I am going to try to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.

First things first, big news!

HYPERSOMNIA IS NOW AVAILABLE TO WISHLIST ON STEAM! (LINK)

After a while of back and forwarding with Valve, I've finally got a Steam page to call my own, and MAN is it bizarre seeing my weird little RPG in my Steam library. Like, that's my logo, and my key art, and screenshots of MY game, that's so weird. It doesn't feel real. BUT IT IS!

And, I would really really really really really appreciate it if you would consider wishlisting the game on Steam. It helps with the algorithm, and my happiness because I like seeing numbers go up, it feels good.

I even drew this as a announcement/commemoration for the page going live.

(P.S; if you couldn't tell, I really like Half-Life, it's one of my favorite game series.)

Secondly...

A new trailer is in the works! We were accepted for this year's MOTHER Direct (4th time baby, whoo!)

The trailer has been coming along well, I hope to show more battle oriented clips that I've missed the last few years, like special moves.

Can you believe I've never actually gotten to adding those in the game? I mean, they come set-up in default RPG Maker projects but I've never gotten around to revamping them until now, year 4 of engine work. Isn't that strange?

I also hope to improve on editing in the trailers. Whenever I finish a trailer I come back a few months later to notice minor points where I was kinda sloppy.

I'm not much of a video editor, (I only learned so I could edit trailers on my own) but I'd like to keep them at a good presentable quality. You gotta have standards with that kinda stuff, it's important!

OK, TIME FOR THE ACTUAL GAME STUFF. HERE WE GO.

Abilities are now implemented! And work! Wahoo!

In HYPERSOMNIA, players are able to switch abilities between party members. I find this a really interesting mechanic for how simple it seems, you get to choose who plays what role in your party. I think this is HUGE, and opens up a lot of unique scenarios for the game's encounters. I've had this planned for years, as far back as 2021 if I can recall, so it's super cool seeing it in game.

Mapping is being worked on!

I've also been working on mapping out more areas of the game! The forest part you hopefully saw in the last trailer is almost completely mapped. I've been working on the second part to it and am hoping to finish it sometime soon.

Mapping forests really suck. THOUGH, almost all the maps for the first chapter of the game are done! That's just another step closer to the demo. (Which, FYI, will be on Steam and Itch! ^^)

I've also been working on re-spriting older scenes!

This one's been really fun to do, I've been going back and redoing older stuff from the 2022 trailer, like this train! It's weird seeing it side by side, because you can definitely see where it's come from but at the same time, it looks so different.

(Also side note, these sprites are CRUSTY! EWWW!)

Lastly, Script and Music updates!

The script for HYPERSOMNIA's first act has been completed! with just 37 pages of just cutscene dialog alone! We're also currently working on wrapping up NPC dialog! Not much else to say.

And music is being worked on!

Music has been making some progress! I like to lay out demo's for areas I'm mapping out to help make both the music and scene come together. (Also, to help break up the eerie silence when playtesting...)

Speaking of music, FIREBALL, the games main battle theme, was recently delisted on our YouTube channel.

We did this because we decided we wanted to resample FIREBALL, and found that it's best to not have the song uploaded until a complete, final version is made. At least for the demo, it could possibly change before the final game but that's a bit too far in the future for me to think about fully.

Hey! Thanks for reading the whole dev log! Unless you just skipped to the end, you should probably go back up and read it. there's a steam page now. and some cool ross art at the top. you're missing out!

I hope this was like, readable to you all. I'm new to this whole dev log thing, so if you read it all the way through, let me know! It'd be cool!

I'd like to use this portion to pretty much just advertise Unique Indie RPG's.

Have you ever seen that strange purple square at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd HYPERSOMNIA trailers?

Yeah, that! That's UNIQUE INDIE RPG's, which is a Discord community for you guessed it, Unique Indie RPG videogames developed by people like me! Or you! Or whoever! Who cares!

I help run it with some of my friends, and we all share cool stuff about our videogames! There's a ton of other SUPER cool RPG Maker games there like Astral Guard [LINK], or SOMEWHEN [LINK], or even MOMOinc [LINK]!

And of course, HYPERSOMNIA. It's a really laid back community, we're all super chill. Come swing by! We'd love to have ya, and SHOW US YOUR GAME!

[LINK TO DISCORD SERVER]

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

[saintsenara]

Molly/Snape/Arthur? The Weasley kids+Harry figured the first Weasley family Christmas since Fred died would be a bit uncomfortable and emotionally fraught… and they were right, they just never could have imagined the exact reason

thank you very much for the ask, @silentgirlspeaksout!

i entirely back the idea of shipping snape with both molly and arthur individually, and so i think that - unusually for the throuples i deal with in this series - this is actually going to be a non-toxic triad...

one of the things which i think is really undervalued by the fandom is how the domestic role both molly and arthur [molly especially] play within the order is absolutely central to the order's ability to do its job. this is the case for molly's domestic labour - the resistance needs people who can cook and clean just as much as it needs people who can fight - but it's also the case for the emotional support both molly and arthur are shown in canon to provide for order members [especially tonks and lupin in half-blood prince].

snape existing outside of these experiences - refusing to engage with the order as a community by not eating or socialising with them - is a metaphor for the isolation his role as a spy brings [as well as a way of keeping the reader guessing about where his loyalties actually lie...].

but i think it's entirely plausible - especially given both molly and arthur's canonical willingness to take in waifs and strays - that both weasleys attempted a lot during order of the phoenix to get him to join them for meals and chat.

and i also think that one of the most profound examples of love - one which the series, which prioritises love-as-suffering and love-as-sacrifice [which snape's silent work in lily's memory encapsulates], hugely underappreciates - is love-as-comfort. i think you could do a lot with snape - a bitter, lonely, cold, hungry man - being cajoled by the twin forces of molly's nagging and arthur's affability into staying for a bit of rhubarb crumble, and this single act sparking something genuinely compelling between them...

[after all, as those of us in both snapemort and snumbledore nation know... he definitely has a weakness for being told what to do...]

because snape must respect molly and arthur - at least as much as he ever respects anyone. he doesn't insult them [at least in harry's hearing], arthur's mere presence in the room is enough to stop him and sirius fighting in order of the phoenix, and - of course - he puts himself in genuine danger [since voldemort doesn't strike me as the sort of person who'd think it was automatically fine for snape to have cut off one of his fellow death eaters' hands - even if it was "an accident"] to try and save george's life.

and so i also think you could do something really interesting with this triad post-war.

both molly and arthur - who, after all, stays in post at the ministry after voldemort's takeover until april 1998 - are well-placed to appreciate what snape had to go through as a spy. they are also - especially following fred's death - well-placed to appreciate how utterly grief changes your life, how you would do anything to soothe the pain of your grief, and how some of the things which help distract you are duty and fear - which means that, without the immediate need to keep going which war brings, your grief crashes down all the harder.

i'm always struck by sirius’ statement in order of the phoenix that arthur is a man who understands that “there are things worth dying for” in war. but i think that [very much unlike sirius...] arthur also demonstrates throughout canon that he understands the flip-side of this - that there are things worth living for, but that it's often harder to live for something than to die for it.

a snape who’s miraculously survived nagini’s bite [something else he and arthur have in common!], who finds himself unmoored in a world in which he’s just… free is a trope i adore. and i am very much invested in the idea that his extremely complicated journey towards being able to carry his grief without buckling under the weight would mesh very nice with molly and arthur's own, by providing an outlet for molly's canonical interest in caring for people and arthur's canonical interest in fixing things which allowed them to feel like they were doing something which made not just falling to pieces worth it.

[justchillandshipit]

Warning. I'm moping.

**I said all this, but then remember how broken Buck and Eddie looked when Chris left. I just can't handle it. The tears.**

I am so gutted about Chris leaving. I've always loved Eddie's dedication and love for his son. It is a big part of his character. This was something special about him that made him stand apart from other characters. I could end the post here because that alone is just devastating.

But I can't leave it alone. I have entered another mopey phase. I was thinking about Eddie the other day. If Buck becomes wrapped up in Tommy, and his new Bobby-approved relationship, then I have to wonder who Eddie is as a character. Who is Eddie now that he might not be part of a super-couple. He was always more than just that. Right? Will Eddie just fade away into a side character? Buck and Eddie will still be friends, but without the Buddie, slow-burn-undercurrent of tension, the friendship hits different. Even when they were with other people, scenes were written that made them gravitate back to each other. (Buddie did not come into existence just because two hot guys were friends. We were seeing content written with multiple interpretations, but there was something in direction, acting, idk. that made it more) I'm not sure we're getting that anymore.

Buck and Eddie hung out all the time. Buck cooked for Eddie and Chris. Buck watched Chris while Eddie did different things, and the two of them had moments they wouldn't have had if Buck hadn't already been present due to Chris. If Buck prepared a meal just for him and Eddie, that would be dating, and they've made it clear they aren't going that route. Eddie has also been framed as a bad@$$ ex-military guy. It once made him unique in the show, but he shares that with Tommy now and Tommy is also a pilot. Eddie was a great father to a child with different needs. That has been taken away as well.

In one of Ryan's interviews, he talked about learning to love himself. I think there is potential, but for the life of me, I can't imagine what kind of story arc you would put with that. He has no foil. He has nothing to push against, and I'm just not in a place where I can see them introducing a character I would appreciate as a love interest. They could still do a new love interest, but that defeats the purpose of learning to love yourself first.

I wanted the season to leave me on the hopeful side of Buddie. I wanted some sort of canon confirmation that makes the audience aware that something is there for Buddie even if the story on screen hasn't reached it yet. I wanted something substantial that isn't us reading a scene with multiple interpretations. Something clear. Some of you may recall I have been vacillating between worrying about Buddie being erased and being hopeful that it would be canon.

As the situation stands, the Will was not mentioned. Chris is gone so co-parenting is now over. They are still friends, but now the writers are putting them together in scenes differently. Buck's reaction to Eddie being shot. That was love. Whenever they had scenes together, there was an undercurrent. That doesn't seem to be present. The scenes from tonight were close, but they were driven by the wider intimacy of their connection to Chris. That chosen family, and again, at the end, Chris was gone.

Say what you will about Tommy. The fact that he was written as the place Buck went to after everything went down with Chris and Bobby, indicates a huge shift in the writing. A lot of people hate Tommy, but he's written to be likable. The hate is mostly unfair. There are a few legitimate complaints, but nothing to account for hate. Even though there hasn't been a lot written so far, time is going to fix how much content we see on Tommy. Until they write him unlikable he's going to gain traction. I'm not ready for that either. And you know Tommy hinting that he wants to be "Daddy" with Buck is going to hit right for a lot of people. (I don't get into the whole Daddy vibe but I respect that a lot of people dig it.)

Anywayz, I ramble. With no new content coming up. I'll have to see if my hope will bounce back again. Maybe I'll see an interview to sway me back to hope.

Wait. I do have one hope. I hope I haven't brought the mood down for the rest of my fellow Buddie shippers. I rely on you guys. I need you to believe in Buddie in the moments I can't.

[dystopyx-blog]

TWST as Sanders Sides incorrect quotes

I switched around different options for Roman cuz im still unsure–I tried Vil, Sebek, and Cater. I think also Kalim could easily switch with Ortho, especially cuz how Patton is with Virgil

I just copied literally everything from this comp lol so it's pretty lengthy thus imma add a

Azul: as they say in theater, Fracture a femur

Idia: what?

Azul: the actual saying is "break a leg," buy I improved it.

Idia: I hate both of those equally.

~

Vil: should go towards reaching some sort of peak!

MC: some sort of beak...

Vil: what? No.

MC: OH, like climbing a tall tree all the way up to a bird's nest, birds have beaks, and from there I will be able to take flight.

Vil: ... you know what? Sure. You took the long way around but we got there.

~

Jamil: Guilty as charged–

Idia: hi, hello, what do you want?

Jamil: *sassy lip smack* thank you, Idia, I love how you just ruined my dramatic introduction. Mwah mwah, so good.

Idia: well your face ruined my day, so we'll call it even.

~

Kalim: I don't want to make you think you're some...

Sebek: Stupid, dirty, rotten, filthy, silly, Billy, no good for nothing, white, rat, scoundrel bitch.

Kalim: okay, thank you, Sebek, for your help.

Sebek: you're welcome.

~

MC: honestly I'm good,,, fam

Kalim: now don't you go shortening the word family by cutting out my three favorite letters: I-L-Y.

~

MC: sounds like he's against [some twst equivalent of nazis??? Ig??? Idk????], so... why not hear him out, yknow?

Idia: that cannot be where the bar is.

~

Azul: I've taken this form because I didn't want to be too... invasive.

Vil: you very much did not succeed.

~

Cater: two tickets to Surprise City, you and me, right? I get the window seat.

~

Idia: did I screw everything up?

Vil: no, I threw out your vote so you couldn't do that.

~

Jamil: why would that be wrong?

Kalim: because MC gave their word. But you wouldn't know anything about words, would ya mister?

Jamil: I don't know what you mean.

Kalim: giving your word is an act of honesty between–

Jamil: what, I can't understand you, I don't know anything about words

Kalim: okay, alright, we've got a smart Alec over here, huh?

~

Vil: I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about me behind my back.

Azul: oh, I wouldn't talk about you behind your back. You would still hear everything I was saying. I would talk about you in another room.

Vil: ... fair enough.

~

Idia: I'm too emotionally unstable for jury duty, can I be excused?

~

Cater: why didn't they just talk to us! ... More.

~

MC: You're the boss, hoss.

Sebek: what does that mean? I'm not hoss. I'm Sebek.

~

Idia: I never thought I would be able to say this without sounding like a hypocrite, but you are a huge nerd.

(Yes ik that was a Logan ergo Azul line but this is myyyyyyy incorrect quotes post)

~

Jamil: does everyone understand their parts?

Cater: um, I broke my gavel

Jamil: I don't care–Wonderful.

~

Idia: are you actually asking me that question?… I’m genuinely asking because I-I can’t tell. D-do you want me to—I can count them out—

Azul: no—

Idia: 7,430

Azul: no, no, no—

Idia: you’re just so literal, I-I don’t—

~

Cater: BOOOOO

MC: you don’t want me to live a long healthy life?

Cater: I mean like sure, whatever, but, like, why? What is it all for?

~

Idia: objection, judges don’t object

Jamil: objection, neither can the jury.

Cater: Well that settles it. MC is guilty.

Idia: wh-wh—the jury decides if he’s guilty—what am I doing, I don’t care. ~

MC: you okay buddy? You look real sad in this photo I just took. ~

“why have a ballroom with no balls?”

Floyd: *snicker*

MC: no, no, I’m an adult, so that’s not funny.

~

Kalim: you woke up at 6am dull to go get it!

MC: 6am dull, do you mean sharp?

Kalim: no, that’s really early for you. So you weren’t able to get out of bed until like…. 6:08?

~

Cater: that sucks, what does the judge even do?

Kalim: *double thumbs up* his best!

~

MC: why is the saying “karma’s a bitch”? Why can’t it be… karma is a very fair person.

Cater: uh, why does their complexion matter?

~

Azul: maybe it’s time that we take a look at the bigger picture here.

MC: *sigh* … *points to picture on ramshackle wall* you talking about that picture?

Azul: yes, I still don’t quite understand it.

MC: I just liked it, Azul, I don’t know why you’re so confused by it, this is like the seventh time you’ve asked about it.

Azul: Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. Now that we’ve looked at that, let’s return to the task at hand.

~

Cater: okay, time out for thee, and time out for thee, focus on issues, or focus on me.

~

Jamil: Ooh, said with the confidence of a man who has his hand stuck in the cookie jar. In a cookie factory. And his pants are down. And they’re on fire.

MC: We get it.

~

MC: you’re right you’re right you’re right you’re right you’re right

Azul: well now you’re just pandering to my fondness for being told that I’m right.

MC: you’re right!

~

Kalim: I just think we should all just try to relax.

Idia: …. You do realize who you’re talking to, right?

~

Azul: of course you and I have our differences. We disagree on many things.

Cater: ehhhhhhh, understatement much?

Azul: wow.

~

Kalim: sometimes… it’s just this *holds up hand in an o shape*

Cater: a bagel.

Kalim: what? No. Maybe. No, nothing, it’s nothing.

Cater: aawwww

I'll be sure to collect more next time I binge sanders sides lol

[mythoughtsandrandomcr4p]

Life is Strange: Double Exposure- Initial thoughts

So. I bought the early access version and want to give my initial thoughts on this game, having played Chapter 1 and some of Chapter 2.

PLEASE DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET SPOILED!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

First of all, the biggy. The huge issue everyone on social media and who has seen spoilers/played the game is ranting about right now. Some people (actually, a lot of people) are even choosing to refund their purchase, or to not interact with the game at all anymore due to this...

Deck Nine have seemed to dismiss the player's major choice from the ending of LIS 1, where we either chose to sacrifice Chloe or Arcadia Bay. The way they chose to (pretty lazily) write in how Max and Chloe broke up- (via a letter from Chloe, if we chose the 'we broke up' dialogue option at the start of this game)?.....a pretty shitty decision, and, for the majority of fans, seemingly a deal-breaker. A lot of fans are also disappointed in Chloe seemingly not being in this game at all...but I'll write more on that in a sec.

As for my opinions so far...I'm not gonna lie, yes I was a little disappointed and I can fully appreciate why so many people are hating, but it was something I could personally look past (even though I chose bae over bay). Firstly, the trailers and teasers leading up to this early access release pretty much set my expectations for this going in- that Chloe would likely not be a main part of the storyline at all, and that the major choice made at the end of LIS 1 wouldn't be, either. Okay, yes, the writing connecting this game to LIS 1 could have been a lot better. But...

Max is much older, and the story is centred on her time at Caledon, with new friends, a new setting and a new storyline. I went into this game really excited about all of these new things, instead of having my heart set on a game centred around the continuation of LIS 1.

LIS 1- related things aside for a sec... I LOVE the new setting, it's really gorgeous, I love the design of the university and all the new characters we get to meet, the soundtrack is amazing, and I'm just having such a blast playing this game. It's so cosy. And it certainly keeps the charming, cringe-at-times but hilarious dialogue and vibe we get in every other Life is Strange game, and I love it so much. The characters are all pretty unique, too, and I am quickly growing attached to some (and already hating others...lmao). Max's new ability to switch between universes is really well-done. I love using it and seeing all the, often subtle, little differences that really add to the atmosphere and the story-telling of the game imo.

So...personally I am really enjoying Double Exposure so far!

Back to the whole 'Max and Chloe' thing... it feels as though the game could (take this with a pinch of salt) go a certain way in regards to Chloe. I have a theory (a VERY far-fetched one, but a theory, nonetheless). If there is a chance of them actually having Chloe be in this game in Chapters 3, 4 or 5, it might just redeem a bit of respect back from the fandom. I don't think they will, but something in the back of my mind, a slither of hope, if you will, is saying that they might just do this...

So, in Chapters 1 and 2, Max finds polaroids that neither her in the 'Dead World' or her in the 'Living World' have taken. Suggesting that there aren't only two alternate universes. Now, all of these other alternate universes may have only 'opened' to Max in the present, but surely they aren't only influenced by what has happened to Safi. What if an alternate universe, perhaps the one that these mysterious polaroids are from, had Max and Chloe's relationship (or breakup) happen differently? Who's to say that we won't get a sudden, unexpected change in a future chapter where Max and Chloe meet in an alternate reality, where they didn't break up, or where they did break up but differently, or something like that?...I don't fucking know. I'm rambling lmao. I don't want to give false hope. Maybe I'm clutching at straws atp. But in LIS 1, remember when they (Don'tNod) completely baffled us with the whole, sudden 'polaroid time-travel, William being alive and Chloe ending up disabled' reality? If Deck Nine really wanted to take that kind of route with this game, this would be a hell of a way to do it. Take a sudden turn in a non- early access chapter, have people fooled, and all that. But this is Deck Nine- they have a 'reputation', and maybe they just fucked up.

Unless I've missed a crucial point of LIS 1 or LIS: DE where this just would not be possible (?), I just can't help but think that there could still be a little bit of hope for the people who wanted to see Chloe, or who are immensely effected and disappointed by how her and Max's relationship played out according to this game.

Probably not gonna happen, though. Just food for thought. If nothing close to this happens then I'm still going to fully appreciate and love this game either way, as I already currently am.

This is a hell of a waffle, but I just wanted to get all my thoughts down. Would love to hear anyone else's opinions on this whole thing. Do you like this game? Are you avoiding it now after hearing 'the news'? Do you hate Deck Nine? Are my thoughts on a potential turn-around completely wacko? lol. Any and all opinions welcome!

(also, I stream on twitch occasionally. I've been streaming some LIS:DE early access, but I play all sorts of games. if thats your thing and you wanna check out my twitch, my channel is 'splritwolf') :)

[minas-linkverse]

Hi again 😃 I was wondering if you would feel comfortable with kinda elaborating on paranoia ( I think you said you have it yourself?) this is the first time I have seen it represented in media properly, and have also lately been questioning wether I have it or not, as a person with adhd and autism. I’m not really sure how to phrase this well but if it’s okay with you do you have any tips/parts of paranoia that could maybe help me in my consideration on wether I have it or not (I would get an assessment btw ) Please please don’t feel any pressure at all with sharing, having such good representation already in your comic is epicly awesome already and I don’t think people should have to do stuff that they are not comfortable with sharing.

I love your comic, your art and greatly appreciate your representation it’s so cool and awesome , sorry for the long ask I hope you have an nice day 🤩👋😃😊

I wasn't planning to answer this ask but I am in an odd mood tonight and felt it might be beneficial for the both of us. 👍

I'm also autistic, but I think my paranoia also mixes with my OCD, so that may make my experience appear different. I also have never been diagnosed with paranoia, but it is a symptom I've often discussed with my therapists over the years.

For me it has been present since I was around 12, when I would struggle to take the dog for a walk because I feared the air was poisonous or a sniper would shoot me down. (I live in a country that's not had any kind of shooting for decades.) Honestly I'm not entirely sure what caused those, besides the fact I had a lot of unchecked anxiety. I started going to Therapy at age 13.

A lot of things happened between then and age 15 or so. Including my OCD manifesting and a few years of emotional abuse inside my home.

Since then my paranoia has fed my OCD many ideas to use to cause me compulsions. Possibly more relatable-- it has also turned into periods of hyper-vigilance, which is a state where a person is hyper aware of their surroundings and constantly looking for threats and escape routes.

Thankfully all of the above mentioned symptoms have gotten better for me with years of therapy and hard work. Although I will likely be living with them for the rest of my life, it's more like a bad roommate than a danger.

Some advice I can give to anyone who relates to what I've said here is to research things, especially hearing personal accounts can be a huge relief. Another thing is to not ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen?" but "Whats the most likely thing to happen?" It's simple but very helpful.

But yeah, my understanding is that it's more of a symptom alongside other disorders, but I'm not a professional nor have I studied this stuff. My sources are experience and 10 years of therapy. I highly recommend seeking out a professional who gives you a good vibe with their presence.

Also others are free to add to this! ✌️ I'm sending my support to anyone reading this.

[dnalt-d2]

Recent Egg Developments, How I Feel About It, and What I'm Doing After

Alright I'm gonna stop being sad for like two minutes, or at least long enough to explain what exactly happened for those who missed it

So we had the Murder Mystery Event today, and a lot of people showed up. It was really fun, and we really enjoyed it

And then, after it was over, Richarlyson informed us that he was leaving QSMP. He did not give a reason as far as I know, and I don't think it's smart or fair to speculate. I have my own ideas as to why, but I know that sharing them wouldn't be productive

Not long after, over on Phil's stream, Chayanne and Lullah informed us that they were leaving as well. They did talk pretty vaguely about "The next time they wake up," but this could have likely been some flowery language and not literal. There's a strong chance they will not wake up in QSMP again

As of now, Pepito and Leo are the only Eggs confirmed to still be part of the project, but I'm not really sure what the future will hold for them

Like I said before, I am personally hoping this is a sort of indefinite hiatus. Like they're leaving and there's a strong chance they won't come back, but there could be a non-zero chance sometime in the future. I would not get my hopes up for this though, because the chances of that happening are most likely very slim

I am honestly really sad about this development, but we all knew this couldn't last forever. I wish we had a better resolution, but this is how things are for now. I don't know if this is related to the Admin Situation or not, but again, since that hasn't been confirmed, we shouldn't speculate. It's just as possible that they felt they were done with this chapter of their life, which is entirely fair. I will never hold this decision against them, and I really hope others don't either. I wish them the best, and I wish you all the best as well, QSMPblr

Because I'm honestly not sure where I'm gonna go from here. Chayanne and Lullah were a huge reason I was so invested with QSMP, and the same goes for all the other Eggs. And while I'd love to say that I'll definitely stick around 100%, I'm just not sure I'll do that. I guess we'll see, but if I start petering out after this, know that I had a hell of a time over here

I've never been part of a fandom to this capacity before, and I had a hell of a time. Theorizing, ranting, sharing my thoughts, it was all a blast. And I wanna say that I might not have interacted with others due to anxiety, but I was always so happy to see that people liked what I had to say, and seeing that some people were coming back for it, or going through my blog and liking everything. I may have never said anything, but I saw you, and I appreciate you all so much

I might start talking about more non-QSMP Stuff here too, so if anyone who followed me JUST for QSMP, sorry. But I don't want this blog to die out, because it's been such a fun chapter for me. It might be a new chapter now, but I'm still gonna be here for it

Thanks again everyone. Thanks Egg Admins, Non-Egg Admins, QSMP Creators, QSMPblr, and Everyone else in-between

And of course, Thanks Quackity, for making such an incredible experience

It's been a wild ride